#you cant tell me this isnt the ending they got
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Storytime at the Genoa House
#lo rambles#wanted to do something sweet and cozy#you cant tell me this isnt the ending they got#the fall hasnt been kind to anyone so. something wholesome and nice for y'all#star wars#the bad batch#fanart#phee genoa#tech bad batch#techphee#tech x phee#OC helena genoa#OC djoura genoa
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spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner
#vulnerable tag rambles ahead please be kind abt them i didnt intent to ramble this much but i dont wanna delete it eitehr#me to every single man i have ever dated after 6mo-1y: yeah hey this really isnt working out i dont really know why but i really hate mysel#and i dont want to blame you because i dont think you did anything inherently wrong here; i think this is something about me but i need#space to figure out why im feeling this way [every single one reacted by telling me No i wasnt allowed to leave btw]#i hold very complex feelings about these relationships esp bc of them ending in very violent/chaotic ways most of the time#but its interesting to look back at it all and realize ive left every man for the same reason (which is that ive hated myself Every Single#Time ive dated a man) and its funny bc i recognized the self hate pretty early on w/ cishet men but when it came to queer men it was#much more confusing (esp w/ nto knowing Any lesbians at that point in my life). im so happy im a lesbian tbh#i have a lot of issues w/ the racism fatphobia and transmisogyny present in lesbian groups#and also coming out as a lesbian really truly saved my life. before i met my wife i was quite literally in a 3yr abusive relationship that#definitely would have died in if i hadnt realzied i was a lesbian and ran from him#its also weird seeing liek the hard evidence of the things that happened to me btween 2016-2020 tbh#cause that was such a bad time of my life. i truly dont know how i survived it but im so glad i did#like the three major relationships in my life b4 meeting my wife was: guy who was in college when i was in HS who stalked me when i left;#guy who was a year younger than me who cheated on me the entire time while telling me he was being victimized (he wasnt; this was very mess#guy who saw the very messy toxic ldr i was in and helped me dump my ex then decided that meant we were in a relationship [insert 3 yrs here#and admittedly all 3 years with him werent the same level of abusive but it was definitely unhealthy from the start considering I Didnt Kno#we were together until he wanted to celebrate vday and got mad i didnt know our anniversary - and like this isnt including the other stuff#that happened between those Relatonships[tm] (cause ive never been monogamous; these were just the Major Relationships)#like i genuinely think if i hadnt come out i'd be dead rn given just how dangerous my relationships were/continued getting#i am also so tired now that ive seen all this cause like. fuck i can barely believe it and i not only lived it but have PTSD about it#i should write about my life sometime. i feel like it'd be cathartic to try and make a tangible timeline and stories from the years ang stu#anyway yeah. be nice about the tag rambles. dont message me with pity or curiosity or anything about this. i dont usually talk abt this stu#publicly bc i hate the ways ppl start tryign to baby me when they realize my life has been extremely fucked up until only a few years ago#n im still working on accepting kindness from others bc of [insert life traumas here] but its a long process so pls respect my need for jus#being heard rn w/o too much pressure< 3 (but ig if u do read this can u like it cause i feel a little crazy seeing all the evidence of the#stuff i experienced now also cause fuck ik logically it was but also i cant believe it was all real still yk)
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habeas corpus – detective comics #1086
(ID in alt!)
#loved this back up feature so much and seeing that bruce timm shit made me annoyed enough to actually transcribe it#first the way hes depicted as having to stand trial and ARGUE and fight for the rights of using the coin#rather than it just being a compulsion and something he must do before a decision....#like every time. every time when he's 'leaving it up to chance'—thats a time when harvey won. thats a time when harvey fought for the right#to use the coin and make it at least a 50/50 chance instead of 'crawling away until the hard part is done' like two face pushed for#every single time. regardless of the results regardless of knowing theres only a halfway chance of it actually achieving anything#or lessening the damage two face can/will do. every time hes fighting for and still believing in a fair trial and that everyone deserves on#it isnt him being weak. it isnt him avoiding responsibility. its him fighting and forcing and pushing for it as hes internally at war#with himself 24/7. even when two face wins he doesnt give up & continues to fight for what he believes in despite the injustice done to him#the way he tells Judge Janus that it isnt about HIM (himself!) while defending the right of existence to the jury of other societal rejects#the way he gestures to himself only at the very end. he asks the judge does that sound like anyone he knows and janus replies in two faces#voice but harvey keeps going. he keeps fighting for others. but at the end in actually acknowledging two face being part of him#(and by extension harvey being part of two face) and how harvey is fighting just as much to have a place as two face is#(but more within his own mind & upholding his belief system still despite knowing how it continues to fail them) and just FUCK#and two faces snaps! how theres no jurisprudence system above there either ! just no one will admit it!#how harvey knows!!! look what happened to him when he was doing the right thing!#look how many criminals and mob bosses paid their way out! look how the police are corrupt!#but still believing in it and how a system has to be in place despite being a direct victim of it as well and just GOD#I LOVE YOU GOOD HEARTED AND WANTING TO HELP PEOPLE HARVEY DENT YOU WILL ALWAYS BE FAMOUS TO ME !!!!!!!!#taking away how he genuinely wanted to help people and bring wrongs to rights takes away literally everything hes built on#it takes away the entire fucking tragedy of his character (and in many ways it changes how bruce himself operates and believes because#harvey WAS a good man doing everything by the books. he was trying to bring justice in the 'right way' and believed in the system. he was#what people tell bruce he should be and look where it got him. look how the system failed 'even the good ones' because the system itself is#corrupt. it isnt flawed—it was operated to oppress and thats why it cant just be fixed but must be entirely rebuilt and why bruce must#operate outside of it. it also gives more depth because harvey is one of batmans first and biggest failures. he didnt protect him.#he didnt save his parents as a helpless child (as bruce) but he couldn't save his parents as BATMAN.#it wasnt just random chance like his parents tragedy but this was calculated and something bruce didnt stop. its ALWAYS going to eat at#him if he could of prevented it by telling harvey his identity. by doing something different. by being more prepared or somehow#knowing it was going to happen. harvey is the face of tragedy in so many ways that cant fit in these messy rambly tags but its ALLL!!!!!!!#bc harv was (and still is despite it all! despite two face!) a good man!! because he originally was a glimmer of hope to bruce & the city!!
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#went to a houseparty this evening and one of my pals started talking about being pro palestine but in a genocide the jews way#and its just made me really sad because what happened to just valuing human lives#what happened to being pro not genociding people at all#why have i got to listen to friends say they think my bfs family should be killed just bc they fall on the wrong side of the tiktok argumwnt#like im not pro killing anyone on either side i think its a really complicated issue#just sucks to have friends look you in the eye and tell you ur family should be murdered when at the end of the day#everyone that isnt the israeli government specifically is just a person looking for a home in a world that doesnt believe they deserve one#and thats true of Israelis and Palestinians respectively bc theres people on both sides of that argument#since when did saying i dont think murdering the jews is the answer become wrong? why cant i be anti israels government#and anti palestinian genocide#and anti jewish genocide#maybe im just a fucking hippie but i just dont believe in any genocide sorry???
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Actually foaming at the mouth, I can't stand an unsatisfying ending, either everyone has to die so no hard feelings are left or it has to be the fairytale happily ever after, no in-between. I don't care if the shows not finished, I'm tweaking so hard rn.
(This is the post I found out you can only have 30 tags)
#this is why i dont watch shows#i know this show isnt done#and its like judging an unfinished piece of art#but im dying#i cant#i need them to be happy#why are they so goofy???#yelling screaming crying#im not satisfied#watching that made me feel worse then if i were to never finish it#now i have to wait#im not patient#grgrgrgrgrgrgrrrrr#i just... you dont understand#i need#a haopy ending for this one#dont get me wrong#i love tragedy and tragic endings#and i know this hasnt actually ended#but i dont have anymore content to consume#which means in my head it ended#and second. i like those tragic endings that dont feel easily solvable#like this wouldnt of happened if he had got over his trash ass moral compass#but he didnt#and now im dying#if somekne actually went through all these tags trying to figure out what show it is#im not telling so suck it#im sorry#that was uncalled for#my bad.. but im not gonna say
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maybe the reason im so upset about it isnt cuz she broke up wme but because all that waiting over the summer just feels so worthelss now. like i know we couldnt talk as much or be around each other as much but i was waitingall summer like when we get back all we'll do is be together!!!! all of the 'new relationship syndrome especially now that its long distance' stuff will be fixed when we get back!! but were over and theres no chanec of fixing it because were over and its just like what if we waited what if we just figured it out for another few weeksand see where it went form there
#its not just that its also cuz she knew she wouldnt have a lot oftiem in the semester & also shes entitled to her experiences but its like#all summer we talked aboutall the things wed do together whenwe got back to campus so its like#all of that imagining is going to waste you know. and it makes me really really sad#cuz we had so many plans only for all of them to go in the air a week before school starts#and i guess i feel let down about all of it (which isnt her fault) because why did we say all that only for us to break up :(#and she told me breaking up was something sehd only recently started thinking about so its like#the emotional part of me is wondering why cant we just wait it out for a few weeks and find out of this is really worth saving you know#cuz it just feels so sudden like we werent meant to end just yet#it doesnt feel right. like we literally only just started you know#and she said she didnt feel like dragging me along whiel she figured shit out#which is kind btu i guess to me its like i would prefer being dragged along because at least then ill start to feel the pain of it too#cuz where we are right now i didnt even feel any sort of weirdness i thought everything was going so well#like id rather break up when i do feel something bad#not BEFORE i feel something bad you know???#but also its more than just about that. like she told me that she felt werid and i dont think she would have broken up with me for no reaso#like im sure she did it becuase she felt right about it and im not mad at her about it#im just really really sad cuz i really thought we were doing so good. like just last week she was saying how much she missedme#sorry ugh i know im ranting so much about it but i dont feel like bringing this up with my friends yet cuz its just so embarrinsg being lik#hey so you know how totally obsessed we were with each other. well we broke up not even 5 months later haha so embarrsing#like it all just feels like... what did we do all that for!!! what did we spend all summer telling each other we loved each other for!#but again just cuz i didnt feel like it was the end doesnt mean she didn't. she did say she felt werid but ughhhh i dont fucking know#im just really surprised and sad about it
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i need eddie to get another guy friend in season 8, and buck loses his shit about it (again), so he breaks up with t because he's convinced that the weird feeling he gets when he sees them together is because he is Really attracted to the new guy.
#like things with t are fine cuz he likes exploring this new side of himself even if t doesnt always match his energy but whatever its fun#and maybe at work chim is the one who brings up eddies new friend and he is immediately just. what new friend?#chim laughs and says. tbf last time eddie got a new friend you attacked him so you could date his friend. hes probably keeping it to himsel#and bucks like. dude what. that was. yeah it was shitty of me but it was a one time thing. i wont do it again...#and when eddie shows up for shift buck immediately asks about his new friend and eddie tells him about the guy without hesitation#after shift tho buck is like. why didnt you tell me about him? after t i get why you dont want to but im just. you dont have to worry man.#buck. i know. im not worried. anyway he and i are gonna head to a bar to catch the game. you want to come with? you can bring t if hes free#oh. thats. thatd be okay? i dont want to idk ruin the vibe by bringing a date#nah man. itll be fine#and so he and t go to the bar and eddies already inside with the new friend and its Fine. its Great actually because t gets along with eddi#and the new guy and the new guy makes eddie laugh and doesnt miss a beat and knows more about the teams record this season than buck and#buck is doing Fine. this guys smile is big and his eyes are bright and when he laughs he sorta leans into eddies space alittle and its Fine#the night ends and buck and t go back to his apartment and buck cant stop thinking about that guys hand when it clapped down on eddies#shoulder or the look on his face as he teased eddie about the beer he drinks (cuz its kinda bad but only buck can say that) and buck Cant.#he wants that guy. he wants his hands and grin and teasing voice all to himself and not on eddie.#so he breaks up with t and ts confused af cuz i thought things were going good?#yeah. i just. i want to explore my options yk now that ive uh figured out i like men.#and its a clean break. not dramatic or messy. t tells him to call if he every changes his mind. buck wont.#bucks trying to not pry about eddies new friend and he doesnt grill eddie or anyone and just waits and listens to all the new info he gains#and eventually eddie invites him out to watch another game because whatever team they were watching made it to the playoffs#and when he gets there eddies like. no t tonight?#nah we. uh. we broke up.#eddie says sorry man that sucks. and the new guy is like. honestly he didnt even seem that into you which what an idiot. youre great.#and its good because the new guy splits his attention between the two of them now. eddie isnt the only one getting hands and grins and eyes#and the third time theyre at the bar the guy follows him to bathroom and kisses him hard against the door before pulling back with a#panicked sorry and leaving and when buck finds eddie after hes like. what happened? new guy ran out of here without even saying goodbye#he kissed me in the bathroom. i think uh. i think he was kinda freaking out about it and thats why he left.#and eddie just blinks at him before being like. buck. buck you said you werent going to do this again.#i didnt mean to! and buck means it. he just saw the way that guy made eddie laugh and put his hands on eddie and had eddies attention and#oh.
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One thing I've rly liked abt self inserting in PPG is that the time frame in my mind is 1999-2002 so when it comes to media my s/i engages with, I'm trying to keep that in mind and think about all the stuff that came out around that time that I love irl, so of course I'd be a fan of it back then too uwu
Look this is just my long winded prelude to saying that when the first Pikmin game drops in 2001, I would totally make Mojo a fan of it ehehehe 💖💖💖💖💖
#out of all the video games i would be playing in that timeframe (and making him try out hehe) that is the one that he would get ADDICTED to#you cant tell me he isnt a little autistic he would get so insane about strategies and finding the most efficient way to clear the game#in as short a time as possible 😂💖💖 he would toooootally be making notes and schematics to plan it all out too#i feel like he wouldn't tell me abt it either like he refuses to admit how hooked he got on it 🙄😂😂 its an ego thing for SURE#but id probably end up catching him writing out strategies on the game and be like aAAAAAAAH I MADE U A FAN >w<💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖#of course he tries to deny that he had any attachment to somwthing so trivial but HE CANT HIDE IT >:3#once he gets over himself about it we definitely have nights where we just take turns playing ^w^ 💖💖💖💖💖#oh god i bet he is the woooooorst backseat gamer ever tho. worse than me even 💀💀💀💀#thats ok i still love him. and i have ways of making him shut the fuck up uwu 💖💖💖💖💖#ruby rambles#💜: loving you's a felony
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i keep trying to want to play starfield but the main plot has so profoundly failed to convince me to buy into it. and im not a guy who needs a lot of convincing.
#skyrim: dragons are back and they will kill people if you dont do something!#me: got it. i care about this plot. that is a clear danger.#fallout 4: the world ended and your baby was kidnapped! go find him!!#me: yes absolutely. that is something i can easily imagine my character as motivated to do. i want to protect this baby.#starfield: euuuuugh uh. you touched a rock and saw stars. fly across the galaxy and join this group of explorers now.#me: w. why?? it isnt like im suffering any ill effects from touching the rock so they cant help me. i dont care abt exploring the universe#i havent been GIVEN a reason to care. theres no stakes. im just being told to do something. fallout 3 had the same issue.#except at least in fallout 3 its your fake dad and i can imagine my character caring about him.#in starfield it is literally just being told what to do and being given no reason for doing it. and this is supposed to be a game#about exploration. yet the player isnt given any autonomy or anything.#its not even like barrett is like 'i have to stay here can you please go TELL constellation about this rock'#its. nope you have to join them and do what they say. why? fuck you.#i want to like it i really do but. god.#carly.txt
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aaaaaaand it's starting. mom's bestie just texted me asking to come over this weekend cause it's Bad and it's probably the last chance to talk and maybe say goodbye to my mom's husband and i need to take care of her. god. i wont get through this weekend unless im high or drunk istg.
#time to slightly overdose my depression meds again ig lol#anyway. it is a little better with me these last two weeks. turns out the meds do work when you actually take em regularly#but first my best friend's break up that she's blowing up to unimaginable size#acting as if she just got divorced with the love of her life after 20 years#and not ended a few months long relationship with a guy who's been the source of most of her troubles since the moment they started dating#(ofc she's valid and id never tell her that because like. i get it. some people feel stuff more deeply. but its hard to be supportive#when you genuinely feel like this is the best possible outcome for her and that the relationship was only dragging her down all this time)#and now this. and this is gonna be infinitely worse. and then it's gonna get a million times worse when he actually does die.#and i feel like the worst most selfish person ever which like. probably am. but i did tell my cousin who actually knows my mom really well#and she said she understands and that my fears ARE valid because SHE'S terrified of how she's gonna handle my mom#and she wouldn't wanna be me in that situation cause it's gonna be so much worse for me lmao#like i feel like people who know my mother casually really dont understand just how unhinged emotionally she is#anyway. i feel so overwhelmed. i cant handle this jesus.#but im also emotionally unavailable and refuse to actually confide in another person because i dont want to be a bother <3333#god i love tumblr. i can literally type anything in those tags lol it's the perfect form of venting since you can just scroll by#but i will still have let it out of myself anyway uwu i literally dont need that therapy fr#anyway. i feel so unbelievably fucking lonely and on one hand it's my own fault for withdrawing and refusing to ask for help.#but on the other hand. i AM alone. like there's no one who can help me in this particular situation.#i have no siblings. obviously my dad isnt gonna help. it all falls down to me. good god. i wanna throw up.
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I'm so awful at orienting new people idk why they keep giving them to me. Like truly I suck at it
#and i cant tell if its ME being a bad preceptor or if my orientee just sucks/isnt ready for hospital healthcare#so much of this shit is just a matter of commen sense to me that it doesnt occur to me that some folks are absolutely clueless#and like!!! if i dont know i go find out! i ask! i research!#like if i dont know how or why or when to do something i just ask. but a lot of people will just NOT DO IT. WHICH IS BAD IN HEALTHCARE.#its hard bc so many of them REFUSE to take initiative. i have to really push them to do anything and instead of just doing it#themselves the next time- i have to push them to do it AGAIN#and its frustrating for me bc these arent customers. theyre some really sick people. if you get a blood sugar of 460 on your patient i feel#like its just basic common sense to tell a nurse. or if your patient has ripped out an IV. etc i could go on forever.#idk man. i got trained for all of 3 days and then got tossed into the deep end to fend for myself- i just figured it out! i used my#shitty critical thinking skills and watched my nurses and figured it out.#and like. so many people think the hospital is so easy. its not.#you have to clean up feces/urine/blood/vomit/mucus. you have to use needles on people. you are EVENTUALLY gonna see a person die and you ar#then gonna have to clean them up and bag#their belongings and put them in a bodybag. you are gonna have victims of violence AND perpetrators of it#and its okay if its hard!!!! it is!!!! but you still have to do it. it might not get easy but if you refuse to do these things then you#probably shouldnt work healthcare#for your sake and the people you are suppose to be taking care of
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Top 10 posts customer service workers hate reading
very controversial opinion here, but sometimes customer service workers are the problem 😶
#once again reminded to be nice to the customers#reminds me of a time a customer wasn’t mean but was really overbearing and took like an hour to finish assembling his gift#admittedly a very nice gift for his mother#part of that hour was him coming back to the store and wrapping the box right in front of me#and he was doing such a terrible job i just ended up helping him anyway#i had to ask my boss to stop me if he came back because i couldn’t tell this guy to fuck off because he was being nice#but that kind of nice where you say stuff like oh i must be so annoying right now#yeah you are get out i wanna sit down#hate this post especially because i absolutely cant be mean at my job because most of the people who do get on my nerves are parents#who usually have their kids with them#and i always feel bad whenever i have to raise my voice at children or teenagers#like im not perfect and i know my shortcomings but what is this post achieving#not to mention being a little rude is normal we get angry for a reason thats why customer service workers put up with it#that and we need to keep our jobs and pay rent#and deal with 50 more customers for the rest of the day#but then again i guess that customer i got impatient with has to deal with 50 more cashiers today so tough world#I agree with op but its one of those things that is such a little problem compared to the other bigger problem#IM JUST BEING TOLD TO BE NICE AGAIN#if you made it this far you should read Bright-sided by Barbara Ehrenreich#its about toxic positivity in the united states#like why is everyone in this country so opposed to being upset#dont get me started on food service#which is already a high stress environment#with most of the staff in kitchen not even getting the opportunity to have a word with customers#and the ones that do are usually teenagers anyway who should not be judged for giving attitude#like i started these tags from the mind of a retail employee#but now i remember i worked in food service#some of the nastiest stuff you hear from people day to day isnt even from customers but your coworkers#who may have to pick up your slack if you fall behind whether thats your fault at all#anyway cool sentiment but this post reeks of i-never-worked-a-customer-service job or i-did-but-im-complicit-in-worker-suffering
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Being sick sucks sooo bad man I can even enjoy my delicious homemade shaken espressos with vanilla served in a mason jar because I prefer those to our normal drinking glasses since they're harder to accidentally knock over. And with a reusable straw! No less
#shut up max#but everything hurts to swallow including my own spit. because of woke#and by woke i mean i think its actually largely due to the throat swab i got yesterday#because my throat did NOT hurt this bad until then#i even told them i didnt need that one tested because i dont have tonsils. so it couldnt be strep#and they still tested it and when the doctor came in she was like 'huh sure enough you dont have tonsils! ^_^'#yeah okay awesome. everything hurts to eat and drink now and my nose is bleeding because of the other two swabs. 👍#but hey at least i know its not covid or any variety of the flu. just an unknown viral infection that kicked my ass yayy#i cant complain too much tho because they are treating my fucking up right ear#because it hasnt been draining properly this past year#so anytime i get sick i just get beasted because nothing can drain out of my head right and i just end up miserable for much longer#compared to someone else who is sick with the same thing#also my complaining isnt about being tested itself. its about the way it was done#and the fact they still tested my throat for strep despite me telling them i have no tonsils. and now my throat hurts so bad man
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the most dangerous part of having a pet au that u never seriously work on except think abt it to ur writing playlist as u drive is that. you develop it. and it gets better. and then you really really want to write it. and you're in danger
#laughs in 5 ongoing fics#to be fair. i started them in 2019 and have updated them only like twice#so my readers know i am very slow#however thats why i can only talk abt this on this blog. bc if those guys find out im indulging other ideas i will get#well. nothing. nobody talks to me and only like 5 people actively keep up with me#but i will disappoint those mutuals and have to commit seppuku#anyway its precisely bc the bnha ending was so milquetoast that i have evolved this stupid fic#ah yes the story abt the children suffering due to the wrongs of the adults and trying to fix or burn the world and dying for their parents#ends with... nothing changing#and in fact. the parents get redeemed where the children must die#however. a story where that happens AGain however the main weapon of the children against the system is the reanimated no1 hero?#yeah.......#children who are hurt and angry and have the power to do something serious about it is my fav shit. sorry#and u know who has to fix it all and burn it all down properly this time? the guy with severe issues.#fellas is it gay to fall in love with your best friend and rivals reanimated corpse who came back wrong#however its still the closest you'll ever get to having him back#but you cant tell him you love him bc he;s not the same. he's not the one you've always loved#and then loving him as the monster they turned him into feels wrong but you do it anyway#he died for the system you're upholding even if its wrong. what are you supposed to do#now he is literally destroying that same system. do you choose your boss or do you choose the guy that used to know u the best in the world#i havent decided yet. i got distracted by the tragedy#anyway th story is that our protagonist ends up in possession of the reanimated hero bc of a quirk mishap kind of#and to curb his aggression to anyone that isnt the protagonist . they get him to play league of legends#bc he can vent his violent tendencies without anyone actually getting harmed. and accidentally becomes a ranked player#he doesnt eat or sleep so all he does in the handful of hours the protagonist has to crash is absolutely wreck shit online#“hey can i come over and see our friend who came back wrong?” “no the sight of a human will send him into a kill spiral.#however you can play video games with him as long as u dont mind getting killed a million times."
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I don't understand why people get frustrated at things they knew were gonna happen because someone else is chronically I'll and it's happened multiple times before so it's not like it's new, like oh yeah sorry for existing like this
#family wanted me to go to this restaurant and to try their shakes and they've talked about it multiple times about going#and they kept mentioning it and just yeah so the said 'were going' and i just shrugged and said okay#we've been to restaurants times before and it goes the same every time with me getting fries or some type of potato or salad#because their safe foods and indont want to be sick and most of the time i cant eat almost all the menu so this isn't new#but they want to eat before we get these shakes (the shakes that are going to inevitably make me very sick) so we order food#surprise enough i order cheese fries that say they just have cheese on them on the menu but of course they lied as always#so the fries have bacon and chives and olives and a bunch of stuff and the cheese isnt even a cheese sauce#but cheese from the store thats been melted in a microwave on the fries and is very very oily and y'know great these are gonna make me sick#i force down the food as fast as i can and act like its fine but of course family gets mad that im doing this#they then ask after me trying to force down this food what flavor of shake i want and im probably gonna end up throwing#up half of the food i just ate and so i say no to the shake which is a gurantee of me being up all night throwing up#they get frustrated because 'we came here for the shakes' and i dont even know im so tired like#i font know what people want me to do i cant exist the way they want me to and eat the food and interact with the world how they want me to#like how do they want me to do thing? i wish people would tell me how they wanted me to do things and then i could do it#and i really can i can play pretend i do it sooo well i can eat the food you want me to and do what you want me to#but we literyjoked how i couldn't eat barely anything on the menu and we still got in the car and left and like#family is a bust my friends are too busy living and being with their other friends who arent sick so thats always hood to think about#literally got told to my face that she made a new friend (which is always good) but that this new friends reminded her exactly of me#and that they talks to them every single day and they've gone to movies and this and that and... i texted her multiple times#and she hasnt texted me back in months... infont think that lerson reminds me of who i AM i think they remind her of who i WAS#when i was sick very sick but still more abled and able to just exist#but yeah so im gonna write some fanfic - im gonna mod for something - then mod for another thing with really sweet mods in it#i wanted to rewatch a spn episode with the angels in it so ill do that and maybe work on a bracelet#and yeah... and then ill do it all over again and eat my safe foods and do the things that make me comfortable because fuck them#virus rambling
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"plan ahead for a healthy and happy holiday" YES THANK YOU CVS I TRIED TO PLAN AHEAD BUT YOU DROPPED THE BALL ON REFILLING MY ADHD MEDS FOR THE THIRD TIME IN 2023 and frankly if they fuck me over again on today the 29th when they've told me since the 18th that it will be ready i will be punching a pharmacist for flat out lying :)
#i should not be spending my entire holiday break stressing about this!!!!#i should not be losing my MCMIND EVERY DAY#i literally was humming nonsense to myself while wandering walmart yhe other day#i can't stay still#i cant hardly get to sleep until i manage to lose all my energy while telling myself to please focus on sleeping#I DEFINITELY CANT FUCKING WRITE#I GOT TO READ TODAY ONLY BECAUSE I HAD SAVED ONE OF MY HALF DOSES FROM THE LAST TIME THIS SHIT HAPPENED TO GO SEE MY GRANDMA#i literally do not give a fuck if this isnt the pharmacy's fault I. Blame. Them.#they should be held accountable for not having a better handle on this after the last few months#if there is still a shortage you should not be making peoplr go off their medication for WEEKS at a time while we wait without you ever#updating us on whether or not it will actually be there when you tell us#in fact if your stupid fucking estimate tells me for 11 days that it will happen on a certain day and it ends up not showing on that day#you should be held fucking accountable for that#i dont want your fucking fake ass estimate i want you to get on tbe phone and tell me exactly when to expect my medicine#because i'm so sick and tired of having absolutely NOTHING i can do to get my medicine on time#i fucking HATE my brain when i dont have medicine#i hate that i'm wasting my two week break hating this fucking curse i got bestowed on me#if it continues past tomorrow into next week there's nothing on earth that can stop me from ranting to the cvs#and i do not care if they dont deserve it i am SICK AND TIRED#so anyways yes i tried to be fucking tesponsible and their cheery voice message lady tellinh me to plan ahead is such a fuckinh joke
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