#you cannot convince me that Tim doesn't just have a go at it

[limeartichoke]

if you're wondering yes this does in fact happen AFTER tim punches skully in the jaw after introducing themselves with brian's face

unedited under cut!

[thelibrarian1895]

If your sibling is a rogue then make the best of it

I would like to think that Jason is very Hondo Onakha about kidnapping, very dramatic, fairly polite/chill to the one he kidnapped, minimal trauma, very professional overall but also very theatrical. Out of anyone in Gotham to have as your kidnapper, Jason aka the Red Hood is by far the very best person.

ALL of Jason's family whether they be legal, biological, emotional, or honorary, will absolutely try to convince Jason to kidnap them to get them out of some stupid civilian event. Whether or not Jason will go along with it will depend on several factors such as:

Does this benefit Bruce and get him out of a boring civilian event too? Then so sorry, you're just going to have to suffer!

How busy is Jason at the moment? Because being a drug lord and vigilante is actually pretty time consuming and kidnapping can be a lot of work for potentially very little gain.

What does Jason get out of it? Yes money is all well and good but Jason is rich by his own merits and can just steal from Bruce whenever, there's got to be more to it!

When is the last time Jason has kidnapped this sibling? He can't do it too often or it gets less effective. He has a reputation to maintain after all!

It may also depend on which sib is asking and what they need to be "saved" from.

Dick asks to be kidnapped from a bachelor auction charity? Ha! No chance, sorry Dickie! He will be there though and take pictures and laugh. (And also join all the other siblings who are stalking Dick and the winner of the auction in the event the winner wasn't one of the Bats or an invited member of the JL or Titans using Bruce's money) Dick asking to be kidnapped from a gala or some opening night of trendy place he's at to maintain civilian status? Maybe but the bribe has to be considerable. And it cannot benefit Bruce. Dick's normal bribes consist of taking some tedious part of an investigation over for Jason or getting intel from JL databases for Jason and the Outlaws.

Cass? Anytime and always, favorite sister who can beat him up has special kidnapping privileges, though they did stop for a very long time when some weirdos put out the theory that the Red Hood was in love with Gotham's Princess. (idk if Cass is considered Gotham's Princess in any version of canon but she is to me) Cass does still repay Jason in the form of Black Bat keeping an eye on Jason's territory when he's out of Gotham for any significant length of time.

Tim? He does owe the kid for several incidents and Tim normally doesn't abusive the privilege so he'd probably do it but there does have to be some sort of bribe for appearances sake. Tim usually gets Jason to agree in exchange for pictures of Batman tripping over his cape or in some other ridiculous position. Bonus in Jason's mind if Tim requests a kidnapping when Bruce is off world or otherwise occupied, therefore giving Brucie Wayne's reputation a hit. However if Tim wants to be kidnapped from something where Bruce is also suffering as Brucie, Tim is SOL (Tim might get revenge by getting Kon to wear Red Hood gear and "kidnap" Tim from the event if Jason refused. Kon will do it because Tim asked and also I would like to think that Kon isn't too fond of the guy who beat his best friend/boyfriend nearly to death and will mess with him if given the chance) Since kidnapping normally interferes with things that Tim wants to do however, he may instead bribe Jason to not kidnap a sibling that has asked to be kidnapped. Jason usually obliges this no kidnapping request.

Barbara? Sorry, no, he doesn't want to stress the Commissioner like that. He will, however, kidnap other people for her if she asks.

Stephanie? No Stephanie, he doesn't care what you offer, he's not kidnapping you so you can avoid your finals! Stephanie has, however, worn various wigs and been various hostages who died at the hands of the Hood in order to maintain his reputation. She gets paid in baked goods for her service.

Damian? Damian considered the idea ridiculous and proclaimed he'd never stoop so low and he would carry out his duties no matter how onerous! Damian then had to go to a Gotham gala. Damian is trying very hard to figure out a suitable bribe to get the Red Hood to kidnap him often enough that Bruce will be forced to keep Damian away from galas because of the ongoing security threat. So far it hasn't worked because Damian is very bad at bribing Jason, Jason thinks Damian forced to interact with normal people is funny, and Tim is successfully bribing Jason to ignore Damian's bribery attempts. The Red Hood has "kidnapped" Damian once, as a treat, when he thought the kid was looking particularly down about something.

Duke? Duke has yet to be made to attend any society gatherings as the solo Wayne (normally that falls to Bruce, Dick, or Tim) and can usually be spotted hanging out with Cass by the snack table at any gala or trendy event. He's not at Cass's level of reading body language but he's pretty darn good and he and Cass have reached a new level of being able to avoid annoying rich people while at parties. Duke is Cass's favorite gala buddy. Duke hasn't felt the need to ask Jason to kidnap him yet but Jason will allow the first one to be free of charge, no questions asked. After that Duke hasn't figured out suitable bribes for Jason but has realized that all of his siblings are hyper competitive and that Jason would absolutely wager a kidnapping in a competition or for a bet.

Alfred? If Alfred asked then Jason would without any caveat. Alfred will not ask however but might ask on behalf of someone else and Jason will comply.

Bruce? Jason just laughs. And if someone else is planning on kidnapping Brucie Wayne from a particularly boring business meeting or gala? Jason will actively thwart the kidnapping to force Bruce to continue to deal with social activity.

Jason usually splits a portion of the ransom money into bonuses for his goons since their original job outline is drug dealer/enforcer/mobster and not kidnapper. If they're going to get major felonies on their records, better make it financially worth it. All of Jason's goons are masked during any kidnapping event. The rest of the ransom money goes towards a charity of Jason's choosing.

Jason has also kidnapped people who are not his family or family adjacent. Barbara thought her dad could use a vacation at one point but he didn't have the PTO for it so Barbara had the Red Hood kidnap him. James Gordon experienced the weirdest kidnapping of his life that included some of the best food he'd ever eaten, an extremely soft bed, his pile of books that were on his reading list, and access to the sports games he'd meant to watch. The ransom was successfully paid after he had a week to relax. Gordon was then, as per protocol, allowed time to relax after his "harrowing" event. Barbara forced him to take the time. Strangely enough, some politicians who had been giving the Commissioner a hard time were suddenly very quiet when James Gordon came back, well rested, well fed, and ready to get back to the grind. It, of course, had nothing to do with the very polite emails with pictures attached that they all received while the Commissioner was very publicly out of the way.

Oliver Queen, when he was visiting Gotham, was kidnapped by the Red Hood. He was released after the ransom was paid and specifically he was released back in Star City. Mr. Queen was unavailable for comment after the incident but some sources say that he was cursing bats for some reason.

Lois Lane found herself kidnapped by Red Hood and ransomed by the Daily Planet while Superman was off world. Lois Lane returned safely to Metropolis and published a shocking expose on Luthor's latest scheme. Her sources for the article remain a secret.

Bruce is very grumpy about the whole thing, not just because Jason won't help his poor father get out of the stupid social event, but also because Jason being technically a rogue like this makes it very hard for him to successfully argue that Jason should let himself regain legal living status.

[redsray]

silly batfam hc that at some point Bruce got so sick of the kids fighting over things that he just got all of them a bunch of stickers with their respective logos and went "if something is yours, put your logo on it so others will know. don't use anything that doesn't have your logo without permission." he regrets the choice ever since.

Tim: B please tell Jason that no, he cannot claim the entire bathroom in the left wing to himself

Bruce: Jay ??

Jason: What? My sticker is on it. It's the one with the good shower and now it's MINE

Tim: THAT'S NOT HOW THIS WORKS

Alfred: Master Damian, please refrain from placing Robin stickers on my baking trays.

Damian: I don't expect you to understand my genius, Pennyworth. This ensures the cookies that you bake are mine every time.

Alfred, sighing: No.

Bruce: Why is there a Nightwing sticker on every single chandelier in the house?

Dick, grinning: Why do you think?

Bruce, head in hands: No, Tim, you can't put a Red Robin sticker on every computer in the house.

Tim: Okay, but why not? It's efficient if no one else uses them. I also put one on the 3rd shelf of the fridge. That's mine now.

Bruce: God what have I done

Bruce: Putting a sticker on the Batmobile will not convince me to let you drive it, Duke.

Duke: Aw man I was sure that'd work. Time to go put a sticker on the Batplane

Bruce: ???

Bruce: Jason, you have a Black Bat sticker on your back.

Jason: What? ...Oh, you have one too.

Tim: Everyone has one somewhere on them. Cass stuck them on without anyone noticing.

Dick, holding back tears: CASSSSSS

Cass: Mine.

Bruce: No, Stephanie, you cannot put a sticker on the entire kitchen and claim it as yours.

Steph: What if I put a sticker on all your wallets and credit cards

Bruce: No

Steph: Will all your money be mine???

Bruce: I already pay for everything you do

Steph: ANSWER THE QUESTION B

[iamliquid]

So I love Tim and Jason's relationship. Or well potential relationship. It can go literally so many ways.

We first have well normal sibling relationship sprinkled on with some joker truma bonding.

Because you cannot tell me that Tim and Jason would not convene at Tims apartment (Because its probably sound proof, has a lot of security measures and a crazy amount of traps and because Jason doesn't like people in his apartment.) Just to make strange and conventional ways of killing the Joker.

But then. We also have this other version that I read from another Tumblr post.

Where Tim just trauma dumps on Jason about all of the horrendous things that has happened to him and Jason just refuses to let Tim go back to the manor. Because Jason is fully convinced that Tim should stay with him for the betterment of his health and because he really cares about Tim and feels bad that he tried to kill him. (Tim is still salty about it)

But then lastly we have in my opinion the best one. (also inspired by a Tumblr post)

Where Tim and Jason have a mercenary gig together. Because they both wanted to prove to Bruce that they didn't need his money. And so, they came up with the genius plan of a mercenary gig. Where Tim is the brains and Jason is well the brawn or well the killer. The only reason I love this the most, is because it highlights the characters relationship so well and that it really shows that Tim and Jason may not be as close as maybe Tim is with Dick. But their close in their own werid and twisted way, they have their own way of bonding that can't be replicated with the others. And I love it.

[strawbuddy-luv]

Tim Drake would love video games sm tho, and I do not see that represented enough.

He'd be a total nerd about it to. He'd rant and rant and rant about all the games he's played and all the cheats and the secret cut scenes and the hidden lore. He'd be a game theorist for sure, probably has a YouTube account dedicated to it since he's such a little detective. He knows the true lore of FNaF.

He'd definitely speed run minecraft, rp to probably. First person shooter? How about first hand experience. FNaF fanatic oh my God he'd LOVE that game so fucking much. Absolutely a Sonic kid, like you cannot convince me otherwise. Mario less so but you knows hes probably played every single game anyways. Pokemon? Every single one memorized down to their exact coloration. Stardew valley? Do i even have to ask. Animal crossing? Perfected his village, villagers and all. Zelda? I cannot prove it but he has a lino Cosplay somewhere and he's worn it for under cover missions. He'd slay in DTI, have like 5 different mansions in Bloxburg, defiantly played Royal High until the capitalism became to close to the real world, probably has hundreds of avatars to. An expert at games like fnf has played half the mods to ever be made for that game. He's been playing fortnite since it's release. He'd have one of the top scores ever in subway surfers. He'd download those "complete your restaurant" type games and finish them in two weeks and it'd only take that long because the game forces him to wait sometimes. Candy crush is his bitch 100%. He'd download mobile games and finish them in a day and then keep redoing them till he's perfected his method. He has played and replayed countless driving based games, can learn almost any new one in 6 minutes. Going back to the speed run thing I think he'd just enjoy speed running games in general, and gridning. He'd love minecraft so much omg-. Last of us? Played. Iron Lung? Played. Cuphead? Played. Detroit Become Human? Played. Kindergarten? Played. Sallyface? Played. Splatoon? Played. He'd love small games to I just am not that into video games to know any to list- :').

I mean think about it. Going off the "Tim's parents are never home" version of him, he'd have so much time to just sit around and play video games. He has the money to buy them and the time to spend getting ungodly good at them. He'd have amazing equipment, and it'd give him some sort of community even if he doesn't really interact with it personally. Like if he's not out stalking Batman or at school, he's playing a video game. Even after he starts working for Batman, he'd overwork himself to the bone and he'd STILL find a way to go pro gamer in-between. Probably for like 0.5 seconds whenever he's got to stand up to get himself another energy drink.

Like please, video game nerd Tim Drake on my knees begging you add this to your stories and headcanons. Have him introduce other batfam members to video games. HAVE HIM INTRODCUE BRUCE TO CANDY CRUSH AND MAKE THEM GET INTO A COMPETITION ON WHO CAN GET TO A HIGHER LEVEL FASTER. He shows Damian animal crossing. He gives Jason a gaming console and like 50 different shooter games and one copy of stardew valley as a joke and did not expect Jason to get so into it. Him Cass and Steph would love those Roblox horror games. He'd force the whole family to start having game nights and they'd have a world on Minecraft that has the most insane lore you've ever heard. Like please give me more video game nerd Tim and tell me your headcanons on what games he'd like and what he'd introduce different batfam members to in the comment I am begging you.

[hyperblue]

I really want more ppl to focus on the fact that Tim would be a 16 year old father, like ik it's already a known fact but I just really want it to be talked about deeper, that's a CHILD having to care for a whole other CHILD and I am aware of what that does to someone's brain and I really would love for someone to write/talk more in depth about it yk? Like, being 16 and you're raising someone, and you have to go through all this shit!

You have this bond that you've never felt before but you're also not prepared for this, what are you supposed to do? Are you even doing it right?

I also think that with the childhood he had it would be harder, he doesn't know anything when it comes to children and now he has to raise one?

I can't stop thinking about what his internal monolog would be.

Baby won't stop crying? You're doing something wrong obviously.( it's so normal, so very normal, I cannot stress enough how NORMAL this is)

Mood swings, your child telling you they hate you? Where did you go wrong, you're obviously horrible if your 2y/o is telling you they hate you( also incredibly normal)

The amount of stress that he would go through, especially if this is one of those things he chose to do on his own. Raising kids is HARD, it's so incredibly hard and being a child yourself makes it ten times harder even WITH a support system.

It's beyond stressful, and sometimes all you want to do is scream, but you can't, so what is there to do?

Having help is so important for parents and I think that if Kon came back and CHOSE to help even if Tim told him he didn't have to it would be such a huge weight off his back.

YES YES YES TELL ME MORE

it doesn't MATTER how independent he's convinced he is, it doesn't matter how much complicated shit he had to go through alone as tim drake AND robin, it doesn't matter how capable he might be, he is a CHILD. as a 24 year old, 16-17 y. o. teenagers are like literal babies to me. and i also have siblings, all of them are more than 10 years apart from me, so i had to have a front row seat watching my mother and grandmother raise them and it's a colossal work, it really is. if i were to write a fic i would definitely explore the struggle of being a child with a child, because that's one of the most fascinating things about this au to me (even though it's a fucked up situation for sure. it's like watching a train wreck — you'd love to turn away but you literally can't)

[nephriteknight]

so a while back i made a post about what my blorbos' playstyles would be like in botc/social deduction games in general, and at the time i didn't include tma because they have so much highly specific trauma and dangerous eldritch appetites that this would be terrible for, but i just can't stop thinking about the very silly scenario where the tma characters play botc together. it would go so badly.

the banned character list includes fortune teller, spy, snake charmer, oracle, evil twin, vigormortis, no dashii, pacifist, cannibal, cult leader, fisherman, pixie, golem, plague doctor, organ grinder, and ojo, because elias keeps cheating. ojo and oracle somehow keep ending up in the bag anyway.

daisy gets way too into hunting down the demon. Guns Will Be Drawn.

jon and tim handle this game Extremely Predictably. i just know s1 tim would adore botc but s3 tim is having an awful time. oh great yeah one of our friends is a shape shifting demon lying to our faces? perfect. jon is on the verge of a panic attack but instead of breaking down he's just interrogating everyone very aggressively. hey, at least everyone believes he's on the good team.

basira solves the game right away and spends the rest of the game trying to convince everyone else. only georgie believes her.

martin is very good at being evil in these kinds of games (and also benefits from people not expecting him to be good at it), so when he pulls the demon he could demolish good, but, uh, he's honestly not sure jon could handle that right now so he gets caught on purpose without letting anyone else realize he threw.

elias insisted peter would attend and he did not in fact show. luckily no one believed he would come so it's not really a problem. ("you called it a 'social deduction' game, elias, it's in the name! no i'm not coming--")

...annabelle's the storyteller? i mean. she obviously would if she was there. i feel like sasha gives me st vibes as well but i might just be projecting again.

multiple games are ruined because jon accidentally compels the demon to tell him their role. one of those was not fully an accident.

simon is having a grand old time but he really doesn't give a shit about winning/the game which is less of a problem when he's good but very much a problem for his teammates when he's evil.

melanie draws the psychopath "by chance" several times and enjoys it way too much. daisy handles an outed evil player whom town can't easily execute exactly as poorly as you'd expect. i cannot emphasize enough how unlikely it is that canon team archives could play this game without at least one person getting hurt, killed, or giving in to the dark powers completely.

helen is eating it all up. literally. (elias is still pissed that the spy got banned.) she still never outright lies, which unfortunately for everyone else but fortunately for her (and simon, who thinks its hilarious) means she can't tell outright truths when she's good either or it'll look suspicious when she's evil. no one is ever fully certain what she is or what she's doing. pure chaos and we love her for it. (we being me; team archives does not in fact love her for it.)

elias is still cheating, but when they threaten to fill the room with eyeless dolls he decides to quit while he's (not) ahead and just watch from his office like an eldritch twitch chat.

[cornflowerbluewrites]

And then Tim finally looks at him and there is sorrow and guilt written plain as day in every line of his face. Dick takes a half step back, alarm bells ringing in his head as Tim says, “I’m sorry.”

Which, by itself would be alarming, but then Tim reaches out and in one swift movement, slaps one end of a Batcuff around his wrist, the metal swinging through the mechanism and then around to lock on Dick’s wrist. In the next moment, he had slapped the other end of the cuff around the metal bar of the cot and grabbed his belt, pulling it away just as Dick makes a grab for it.

“Tim,” Dick says, watching as Tim rapidly retreats with his belt clutched tightly in his hands, “Buddy, why did you handcuff me to a cot?”

“I’m not uncuffing you,” Tim says, his voice resolute.

“Okay, not what I asked,” Dick says, trying to figure out if he can reach for any of the panic buttons on him without Tim noticing.

-

🥺

Alrighty! Let's crack into this scene!

Honestly, all of RRRR is so much fun for me to write, but I especially have fun when I'm playing around with who has access to what kinds of information. In this particular scene, Tim has access to a whole lot more information than Dick does because Tim remembers all the previous loops and Dick doesn't.

Tim is also, to put it loosely, at the end of his rope here. Because he keeps waking up to Dick joking with him in the kitchen and Dick not remembering the day before, and that means that Tim (and all the other Bats) failed. It means that Dick died again and the day has repeated.

So he's trying to do his best to keep Dick alive, but he also knows that Dick isn't going to understand why they're doing this. And he does feel bad about the fact that he's going to lock Dick in the medbay without any real explanation as to why.

There is also contributing factors into why they collectively didn't tell Dick for several loops that I'm withholding because Dick doesn't know it so my lovely readers don't get to know it either, lol. That's my secret to keep (at least for now ;)).

So Tim has much more of the picture than Dick does and he's swiftly running out of ideas on how he can keep Dick alive through the day, which is what everyone is pretty sure is the end condition because Dick's death restarts the loop immediately.

Hence the Batcuff.

Tim also knows that he has to move fast because Dick has been doing this longer than Tim has, so he has a plan in place and he's not taken by surprise, which is why he's able to grab the belt away from the table.

Dick then gets to have the very reasonable response of asking why Tim locked him to the medbay and Tim, who is having a much different conversation, tells Dick that he's not unlocking him, because eventually that was where the conversation would go and he's cutting right to the point. His reaction leads to Dick trying to start problem solving in that he needs to push a panic button (because you cannot convince me that there are not several Bruce mandated panic buttons on all the Bats at all times) to alert everyone else that Tim is not behaving rationally as far as Dick is concerned.

This scene is important because it starts the loop where Dick does get told about the time loop and then hears his family start dying without the opportunity for him to go help them in any meaningful way until it would be too late, but they've already communicated to him what the restart condition is. And all that starts here, with Tim making the decision to try and prevent Dick from escaping in his own way.

From a the writer's view, I needed Dick in the medbay for this loop, and Tim was the perfect vessel for it! The rest is just fun stuff I get to add on top for extra flavor, lol!

Ask for more fic DVD commentary!

[valenschmidt]

Stop. Just stop. Carlos and TK are two characters written as gay men from the very beginning. Their relationship has been the central relationship of the show from the first episode. The characters are portrayed by an out gay man and an actor who was able to come out publicly as bi because of the reception Tarlos and the show received from the audience. (With the exception of Buddie shippers who have been jealous and bitter about Tarlos from the start.) To dismiss an actual canon gay relationship, played by two LGBTQ+ actors as an experiment to convince Fox to allow Buddie to happen is just pathetic. Your so-called Tim/Buddie/Lone Star lore is nothing more than a delusion dreamed up by Buddie fans who couldn't handle that a) their ship isn't canon and b) that their ship isn't the most important thing in the world.

Ok first of all I am sorry if I actually made it seemed as if I don't respect Tarlos as a separate ship of buddie. I just explained what I believe is the reason for the creation of that relationship in particular from the same man who also created Buck and Eddie and honestly the fact that playing TK gave Ronen the courage to come out and live his true self is admirable and something to be proud and happy about and I am NOT dimishing the impact Tarlos has had on the lgbt community who has watched LS and feels represented in the characters...

Leaving that aside... so what if Carlos and TK were written as gay from the start??? What does that have to do with anything??? Buck is bisexual and he wasn't written that way from the beginning so you have a moot point there... Also, buddies are not jealous and bitter about Tarlos and never were Idk where you got that from. What I have seen is Tarlos shippers being horrible to buddies because even though Tarlos is canon and buddie is not, Buddie has more popularity (and that is probably because buddie has two more seasons of development in their relationship) and honestly it's sad that buddie is more popular because Tarlos are actually quite cute but sadly lack a lot of development. Again, this is NOT me disrespecting Tarlos. This is just an observation

Also, you cannot deny the amount of similarities between the four characters like they are literally right there so of course a lot of us believe that Tarlos could have been created because buddie was not allowed to be canon (which again doesn't diminish what Tarlos accomplished on its own it's just how that relationship was created) so no I don't believe it's a delusion ESPECIALLY after it was confirmed by Oliver Stark himself that the bi Buck storyline was actually pitched in to him during S4 but got shut down FROM ABOVE (since Tim was the one who approached him with the idea, the only "above" left is fox) and an insider confirmed that actually Eddie has always been a gay man and that buddie was supposed to happen in s4 but Fox didn't allow him (again which I suspect it was actually BECAUSE they weren't initially written as gay/bi)

And to finish... 1) My ship isn't canon but 1/2 of it has been confirmed bisexual last season and since the show isn't over there's still time and 2) No. Buddie is not the most important thing in the world but I'll say this: when they go canon (which they will) just go and check out the impact they're going to have -just like how bi Buck impacted social media-

Hope this helped anon

[squarebracketsmileyface]

oh lord, your brian likes sweaty tim, too? X_X i once read a fic that had a tidbit where brian was all up in tim's underarm and hinted that brian was into digging into the harder to reach bits of tim (the exact quote is, “always interested in the weirdest parts of him. always hunting down the stuff he tried to hide. too damn curious, too damn observant.") and ever since then my brian's not afraid to kiss/lick/smell any part of tim, no matter how stinky :D i don't know why it's just sweet to me, you CANNOT convince me that brian's not at least moderately obsessed with tim's body lmao

...I thought about going into scent/armpit kink with that post but I thought it might be too weird so... >:]

Yeah... Hi, anyone who thinks I'm a normal person when it comes to sweaty men.... Uhhhhhhh, maybe skip this one I'm letting myself be a little bit of a freak, I could definitely have been worse but eh 💀

Also... Could I... Could I have a link to that fic 👉🏼👈🏼 maybe? If it has scent kink and Brian being obsessed with how Tim's smells and like, him all sweaty and stuff it sounds right up my alley

Brian is so 100% obsessed with Tim's body. Literally no matter what state it's in he's there drooling like a dog over it. Tim's just got in from a hard day's work on a building site in super hot weather? Absolutely drenched in sweat? Then Tim's having to pry him off with a fucking spatula so he can shower the brick and concrete dust off himself before Brian gets his wish of Tim sitting in his lap and letting him shove his face up under his boobs. Because you KNOW that poor man has the worst under boob sweat imaginable, and that Brian wants to fucking drink it.

I think Brian would like Tim sitting on his lap, especially in summer, purely because he hopes he'll be able to shove his face against Tim's back or chest or wherever the fuck and just sniff. He's such a little weirdo when there's no one around to see. He just adores how he smells. And I think he'd be a little embarrassed about it, because sure everyone's like, "god that guy's so hot look his sweaty he is" but Brian's like "my boyfriend hasn't been able to shower in a few days and works a really physically demanding job, and it's the middle of summer, he's so hot" and then he points to Tim who's sitting there looking at him like he's insane because he feels more oil than man. Y'know?

Tim's supportive, but he's also just like.... Dude, wtf is wrong with you?

Y'know?

Like, Brian loves summer purely because it means Tim's more sweaty more often.

Brian will complain and whine if Tim insists on having a shower after a long day before he lets Brian bury his face in his pubes, y'know?

And god fucking forbid Tim shaves his body hair. I like to think he did it, like, once, just because why not, he kinda wanted to see what It would look like (he HATED the feeling of it all growing back in and catching on his clothes, he never did it again), and Brian was fucking distraught, he acted like Tim murdered someone (...someone except Alex 💀 but shush you know what I mean)

Brian's such a little freak with it sometimes. And he can be normal if he wants to, but he doesn't want to. He wants to hide Tim's deodorant. He wants to ask Tim to do yard work after a long day's work purely so he can reap the reward of sweaty, smelly Tim afterwards.

Like, you know that thing where it's like "if someone has the opposite immune system to you their body odor won't really smell bad to you?" Thing or whatever it is, like, I have no clue if it's true but Brian 100% believes it is because how the fuck else can you explain his obsession with Tim smelling like nothing but himself? Y'know? Like, to him even the worst most sweaty most body odour-y day Tim can have is the best day ever because he gets to smell him. He doesn't want Tim to own let alone use scented soaps, he wants just Tim.

Sensory seeking Brian, specifically with his sense of smell. He needs things to smell strongly, especially things he loves. And Tim is unsurprisingly a thing he loves, y'know?

To me it's sweet and something I love in characters because throughout my entire childhood and teen years I was constantly told how disgusting I smelled (while also being belittled for wearing deodorant and putting deodorant on wrong, by the same person who constantly told me I stank??? (don't fucking ask me how I was doing it wrong, I don't know I was putting it in my damn armpits all day every day like everyone else)) so seeing characters who look at their partner all gross and a bit grimy with greasy hair and BO and acne break outs under their boobs and on their backs because it's been so fucking hot that their skin just can't handle the oils and sweat and stuff is always really special to me. Like, hey, this character feels all gross and like they need to shower seven times a day just to stay not slimy all over, and their partner is fucking obsessed with that, they don't hate them for it, they actually find it hot. It's just special. Like, oh look, not everyone's a dick, this character found someone who loves them no matter the state of personal hygiene upkeep they're in, y'know?

[cyb-by-lang]

I kinda already commented and it felt weird to do it again? So I thought I’d ask here instead:

I just saw a post on tumblr that Batman did try to kill Joker and Superman stopped him??? And it was because Joker was somehow linked with Iran, and couldn’t be killed cuz it would start a war. And other Batkids also tried to kill Joker???

I’ve honestly always thought Batman didn’t kill Joker cuz he’s too popular a villain so it was just sort of waved off because of ‘Batman rules’ and publication reasons.

Is Batman almost killing Joker included in your fic? I have very little knowledge of the comics and hearing about newer versions overwriting previous stories makes me even more confused.

Congrats to you for having unlocked a secret level of rambling through deciding to send an ask rather than a comment. This would totally have ended up on AO3 below your comment. :p

And it is going below the cut because it's long as hell.

The scenario you've heard about was from the original run of A Death in the Family, which is the story arc where Jason was killed back in the 80s. In the aftermath of Bruce finding Jason dead (and Jason's birth mother dying shortly thereafter), he hunts for the Joker after realizing that the warehouse explosion didn't, in fact, kill the clown. Somehow (racism!) the Joker ends up being appointed as the Iranian ambassador to the UN. This was later retconned to the fictional country of Qurac, because even DC realized that was a step too far. In the scene after that fun little reveal, Superman is on hand to try and keep shenanigans to a minimum, the Joker predictably tries to gas the entire UN assembly chamber anyway, and then flees via helicopter. Batman, who has been trailing along this entire time in a rage, pursues.

He's planning to kill the clown. Superman, for reasons related to "we don't whack ambassadors and start wars," has been holding him back for the arc thus far. Helicopter pursuit turns into a helicopter fight, during which the Joker's henchman fires a spray of bullets that kills the pilot while everyone is on board and having a bad time. Batman exits the aircraft alive, intact, and furious, and doesn't give a single shit if the Joker died when the chopper hit the sea.

And then a month later the fucking clown comes back again like nothing happened. Only the entire setting has undergone a serious tone shift since Jason's death, which means you're gonna see a lot heavier, dramatic stories that have more significant body counts. Batman cannot get over the death of his son, because no, and eventually Tim Drake pops up in the middle of that death spiral with a hypothesis: "Batman needs a Robin."

He's not wrong.

He also doesn't go about it super gracefully, including an attempt to convince Dick to come back to the Robin mantle that goes nowhere, but eventually he convinces the Dark Knight to take on a third Robin. Unlike Dick and Jason, Tim is locked the fuck down for training and not allowed out in the field willy-nilly. And when he does go out, he is ferociously competent.

Incidentally, this is because the writers/editors realized that after the child murder storyline they'd just done, Batman had to have one hell of a reason to ever take on another kid sidekick. And they needed to try and drag the Robin role's popularity back up, since killing a kid sidekick was also a symptom of DC's tanking sales at the time; the whole thing was ultimately a publicity stunt. It was a bad idea and now we just live with it.

So Tim is, broadly, never portrayed as incompetent in any aspect aside from maybe high school socializing. I don't think he gets kidnapped even a tenth of the number of times Dick did during his decades-long career as Robin. Certainly never falls for a honey trap plot or anything like that.

But yeah, the meta reason why the Joker never dies is because he's an iconic villain who drives plots. But unless you step out of the main continuity, he's also never just been a "no-frills funny" villain since.

ANYWAY.

As far as the rest of the Batfam taking a swing at the Joker, there's one incident that I can recall off the top of my head.

Dick Grayson, currently Nightwing, wasn't especially close to Jason while he was alive. During Jason's original run, they had a cordial (if brief) relationship, but they basically didn't get any storylines together, so it's hard to really tell how strongly they bonded. After Jason died, Dick began experiencing...I wanna call them chronic night terrors. The idea is that a boy in a Robin costume is falling, and falling, and Dick can never save the kid.

I'm sure it has nothing whatsoever to do with his dead brother, no sir.

So, some time later, the Joker gets told he has terminal cancer by a psychiatrist who assumes that if the clown was convinced he was going to die, he might try reforming or something. A terminal turnaround. Lots of people do that, right?

He assumed wrong.

The Joker goes on an utter tear, doing all sorts of escalating villainy that starts with gassing everyone he can get his hands on, including other Arkham inmates. Somewhere amid this rampage, Robin III goes missing and the Joker cheerfully tells Nightwing that yeah, he killed the kid. And he has the gall to bring up Jason in the middle of all the gloating. By name. (The Joker knows Jason's name due to some nonsense involving Crane and Fear Toxin hallucinations and Batman in a prior story arc.)

And Dick

fucking

SNAPS.

Pummels the Joker right there on the floor. Barehanded. No sticks, no pausing, just beats him to death.

Two seconds later, a very alive (if hurt) Tim manages to get there and go "oh god what happened." Because Dick is not doing well! He has a crisis about killing a dude, no matter how terrible. He never thought he'd go that far.

Batman swoops in and resuscitates the clown. In the time between Jason's death and The Joker's Last Laugh, he has apparently decided that it's more important to keep Dick from suffering a breakdown than it is to kill the clown. DC editorial was gonna keep him alive either way, but whatever.

And now for the third part of my ramble.

As for Under the Red Hood, Jason's death is seriously streamlined for the film. In this version of events, none of the UN chicanery happens. Ra's al Ghul hires the clown for a distraction job while trying to crash the world economy (again) and whoops, the clown killed Batman's son. Crowbar, bomb, whatever. Before Jason's body can be buried, the League of Assassins steals it, hucks Jason into the Lazarus Pit, and now he's alive again!

Except, given how he died and how long he spent dead and how that interacts with the magic, he wakes up as a berserk ball of rage and pain, kills two of Ra's al Ghul's guards with his bare hands, escapes, falls into a river, and disappears.

...So much for making that whole thing up to Batman. The League of Assassins just quietly lets Bruce bury a latex dummy and doesn't ever bring it up.

Cut to Gotham, years later, when Red Hood is tearing up the place and Batman goes "Ra's al Ghul, what the fuck" and the whole story comes spilling out.

In A Ninja's Guide to Gotham, Jason's dropped hints in his narration that he was actually with the League of Assassins for a while, even before going 'round the world training with assassins and stuff. The Lazarus Pit just got him back to full functionality. So, you can assume it leans more on the comics' "spontaneous resurrection" scenario.

If Bruce ever tried to kill the Joker while Jason was dead, Jason doesn't know about it. And because we haven't been in Bruce's head, there's no indication either way.

(Bruce makes mention of how easy it would be kill the Joker in the film, but that he could never come back from doing so. It is not specified if he made the attempt or just thought about it a lot.)

I've been holding back on Jason's and Bruce's accounts of events because they're both owed a moment of dramatic catharsis (and shouting). You can generally rest assured that it'll be more likely to be a mix of events than a pure account of any one take on what happened in the warehouse that day.

Thanks for setting off an exposition bomb~

[rhiaemrys]

So, I've been trying to identify who would escalate a prank war to Kevin McCallister levels in the batfamily and I've come down to Three (3) options. By all means feel free to have a (fun) debate about it, though. This is just my opinion.

Option one, the most understandable: Damian Wayne

Damian was effectively raised as an only child while also being told to be The Best. Of course he's chronically unable to back down once challenged and so no matter who started this, Damian will attempt to end it. It's an easy way to prove himself their betters while also being super petty. Also, he desperately want's to prove to Jon that he's not a stick in the mud. Also also, his brothers are insane and there's no telling what the next prank will be and who will be caught in the crossfire. Might as well make sure that any revenge is premeditated.

Option two, the wildcard: Cassandra Cain

Cass is also an only child. She was also raised to be The Best and is stubborn as hell so of course she gets involved in what she sees as a fun competition with her family. Her image of retaliation is skewed, though so she always ends up going slightly overboard. Not enough for anyone to get mad, but it's suspicious that it's always enough to make the person ticked off, yet not murderously enraged. She's also a little shit who can get away with anything with Bruce if she looks innocent enough. It drives her brothers up a wall because there's no evidence to prove she DID do it. Cass knows exactly what she's doing and she's not afraid to do it.

Option Three, the Actual Kevin McCallister: Tim Drake

Listen, okay. I had to put him here. On top of being an only child I swear to god this kid was obsessed with Home Alone. He absolutely would take the opportunity to MacGyver some shit to torture his siblings, bonus points if it hits Bruce too. You cannot convince me he didn't booby-trap Drake manor at some point while his parents were globe trotting. He doesn't have any excuse of pride about challenges, he's just a malicious actor here. Tim fears no retribution or god, he's nearly been killed several times and it hasn't stuck so why would it start now. You attack, and he attacks back a thousand times harder. You attack Tim and practically sign a waiver allowing him the freedom to ruin your costume or civilian lifestyle.

Cut here before the explanations of those who don't escalate (Need to emphasize here, they still may participate but they don't make it worse) because this has gotten out of hand

Reasoning for others to not be included:

Duke: He's unhinged yes, but he's not batshit insane. He fully understands that if he escalates, someone is going to make a murder attempt. He doesn't want to be the next Tim, that's not a position he wants to willingly put himself in yet. He'll contribute or join a team, but ultimately Duke can be found in the one Neutral Zone, Alfred's kitchen, watching with bemusement as his siblings attempt to turn the Manor into a war-zone. If pranked, he'll prank back, but not escalate. Also people feel a little like kicking a puppy when they prank him. Duke weaponizes this and uses it to get out of bullshit or pull off bullshit scot-free.

Stephanie: Maybe she's on a team. Maybe she's a free agent. She doesn't want anyone to target her specifically because then she truly has to be paranoid. Instead, she's always helping with pranks, making everyone indebted to her and thus allowing her to be the only safe person other than Alfred.

Barbra: I just. I cannot emphasize how much the family leaves her out of this. She will find a way to get back at you and it will end your idea of pranking her again. Unlike Alfred, who was universally known to be off-limits, she knew that someone would try something because all of that family is made up of little shits. This meant that she has to shut it down once it starts. She is immune. Inevitably someone will push the envelope and Babs will remind them that she control's their tech and information systems. She will however, assist if a prank gets particularly nasty and someone needs to shut the war down. Typically she's recruited by Alfred or Bruce to end the war where it stands once it starts to get to the Property Destruction Level.

Jason: He was asked not to participate by Alfred and Jason willingly obeys only Alfred. This is specifically because of one incident when this happened with Tim, Dick, and him. Back when he and Tim were getting along somewhat and Dick had somehow pissed both of them off, they escalated The War. It ended with three new craters in the warehouse district, The Riddler so traumatized that he completely avoids doing Rouge Activities when Red Robin and Red Hood are on speaking terms, and Dick stuck in a box on his way across the country. Instead, Jason enjoys being on Stephanie's side of aiding whoever is funnier. He is not off limits though. Oh dear god he is not off limits. He is the victim of so many pranks. He just cannot retaliate. In turn, he turns into a snitch for this event, and only this event. Jason will alert Alfred of any destructive pranks. He will let Alfred know of birdies staying up too late, of birdies jumping off buildings because superman will catch them, of birdies doing general dumb ass restricted shit. Jason will make the pranker's life a living hell.

Dick: Dick matches the energy of the prank. He's petty so it will always be perfectly organized so that it causes maximum damage while never managing to be something one can reasonably escalate against. (For example, Tim once hid all of Dicks cereal in increasingly impossible places and swapping the boxes so they were labeled wrong. In retaliation every single one of Tim's coffees became decaf. They're the exact same flavor, but the caffeine content is so low it barely counts as coffee. Tim didn't notice until he went on a case bender and passed out thirty hours in despite drinking eight cups of coffee. This was weeks later after the war ended. There was no retaliation. Tim still has no clue how Dick got in, out, AND made the perfect replica) Damian learned at the feet of the master, but unfortunately has too much localized anger to play it to perfection like Dick can.

Cullen and Harper: They don't live at the Manor. They refuse to participate. They'll help small scale, but they're both sensible enough to know that anymore makes them targets.

Bruce: I don't need to explain this. He's tired. He doesn't want to be here. He never actively participates and yet always ends up in the crossfire. Can people please stop pranking each other on patrol? Must you dye Tim's suit neon pink? It's really not conducive to being the cities silent protectors.

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

The latest chapter fully has made me lose my brain. You were right the Job and Daisy buddy cop jamboree IS the best. And that conversation between Tim and Jon?? Man. So much going on and so much going on just beneath the surface. Love the way Tim guilty thinks back to what Elias said about everyone using Jon, and love the way that is kinda what he's doing. Also love the way he *knows* something awful has happened but he doesn't want to dig into it because he doesn't want to risk pulling someone aboard Danny and his already sinking lifeboat. He can't afford to care. SO fascinating.

Also unrelated but were there a way to anonymously send you fanart (to prevent the off chance of someone I know irl finding my blog lol) you would be swimming in fanart. Because hoo-boy. Anyways love the chapter!!

Ahh thank you for your kind words!

Legitimately i cannot put into words how much fun i find the daisy and jon buddy cop jamboree. they're both so insane and chaotic. I have so many Shenanigans in my head that the two of them have committed over the years of their partnership that will probably never make it into nhthcth on account of it not being relevant to the plot. they're just such a fun dynamic. jon won't stop buying daisy stuff for her home renovations on elias's personal credit card. she's like 10-15 years older than him and they do everything together. sometimes that's killing the eldritch manifestation of violence and sometimes that's bottomless mimosa brunch billed directly to peter lukas. daisy went from violently fucking hating this guy to spending almost every single day with him and going on multiple vacations with him and no one understands why. they're so funny to me. I want them to have a wwdits style tv crew following them around at all times.

See i LOVE tim as a character because he's a genuinely good guy but he's also not without his own limitations and he has been shown to have like, an ability to recognize and accept when he can't change something.

Tim's instinct is to help. Like, he went back for Jon and Martin and literally carried Jon through the Jane Prentiss attack. At the Unknowing, when they were planting explosives, he was trying to convince everyone to let him try to save the victims of the ritual that were still alive. He's really, genuinely good, and he wouldn't have been like those people in the Institute who turned a blind eye to Jon growing up because he was worried about his job.

But he also has limits. Like, season 3, his anger overrode basically everything else, and when Sasha disappeared after the Season 2 finale, he wasn't trying to find her. Martin was sitting there begging Daisy to bring her home safe, and Tim, who was shown to be closer with her than anyone, had already given into a grim acceptance that she was dead and there was nothing to be done.

It was the same thing with Helen--when Martin and Tim were wandering Michael's corridors, they saw Helen trapped inside. Martin kept insisting that they should have helped her, and Tim completely shut it down, because he had this very bitter understanding that they couldn't help her, so stop thinking about it and stop talking about it. He didn't fight it; he accepted it; he did not try because of it.

Tim's a good person, but he's distinct from some others in the cast by the fact that 1) he will look at the practical realities they're living in and (bitterly) accept them, and 2) he's got some things that will override and take priority when he makes decisions.

Danny is and always will be the number one override for him. Like, we get so little on them in canon, but what happened to Danny seems to haunt Tim right to the end. Tim upended his entire life trying to find the thing that killed his brother. When we get the Statement on what happened, we find out that Tim is still searching all these years later, even if he did get a bit comfortable and complacent over time. Like, he can cite offhand the last statement given regarding a circus. He's still pulling all the books on Circuses. He never let go of what happened to his brother, even though he accepted (for lack of a better term) what happened to Sasha before he knew what happened to her and before she was declared dead. Danny had been gone for years by the finale, but Tim went to his death so he could kill the thing that took him away.

So Tim in nhthcth is in this huge phase of major internal conflict right now, because every single one of his major pillars of decision-making are in conflict.

Danny's his ultimate override. He's the thing that makes Tim not give a shit about anything else--everything has to fall away to Danny making through this alive. Unlike Tim in canon, he actually has a chance to save Danny. Canon Tim was willing to die over his brother's fate--a Tim that has a chance to save his brother will go so much farther.

But he's still someone who is able to clock when something's completely and utterly fucked. And Tim is the best situated out of everyone in the cast save Jon to understand how dire these circumstances actually are.

Danny's in little brother baby jail. He's spending all day trying to wriggle information out of Mike because Tim's pitching a bitch fit every time he tries to leave the apartment, and Jon doesn't even want Tim there, let alone Danny. He's playing Uno with Mike and trying to subtly slide in "hahah hey for the sake of conversation do you happen know of any like. evil contract breaking powers." He's trapped in that John Mulaney bit of eating triscuits and asking someone if they had ever seen a ghost. Thoughts and prayers for Danny.

Martin and Sasha's priorities are different from Tim, and the information they're looking at is different. Sasha, especially--she's chasing the contract, not the circus, and she's in such a state of paranoia that she's trying to rely on information that comes from her, not anyone else. She's not been exploring the Statements or been learning about the supernatural world the way he has.

For the most part, this happened off camera, so to speak, but it's been discussed multiple times that Tim's been tearing through everything that he thinks can help him understand what's going on and how to stop the thing after his brother. He's going through the library, he's reading all the Statements he can. He's been trying to get practical experience via tagging along with Jon, which keeps getting stymied, so he goes back to the library and the Statements.

Which means he goes to the Archives every day and struggles against the dawning realization that what they're trying to do just does not happen. He reads the Statements, and people either die, or they are let go, or they become the monster themselves. Options one, two, and three. And the vast majority are people who die horrible fucking deaths--or, worse, don't get the mercy of death. He has been spending every day desperately trying to find a Statement of normal schmucks like him and his brother beating something determined to finish their meal and going back to their normal lives, and they just aren't there.

Tim in Season 2 and 3 most consistently displayed an understanding that the supernatural was not something they could beat. People just get eaten by monsters, and that's their lives now. Nhthcth Tim has been getting that same horrible, dawning certainty of "This is a fight I have no chances of winning" with the immediate follow up of "But it's Danny. I have to."

Which makes him painfully conscious of the fact that he cannot afford to be a good person right now.

Because the thing is? Danny should have died in the theatre, as far as he's aware, and Tim knows it. He should have never even made it home that night. You don't get out on your own--these things let you go. Even if he somehow made it out on his own, Breekon & Hope should have been able to drag him back easily. He should already be dead. Tim knows it with a devastating certainty.

And he also knows that the only reason why he isn't is because Jon has been paying the cost of keeping him alive.

Danny getting out of that theatre cost him his skin. Mike protecting him? Cost Jon a food source, and apparently is going to probably get him tossed off a building down the line. Getting Elias as a backstop ended with Jon having to start taking live statements again and letting assistants down. Hell, Jon has to fucking escort him to and from Mike's every single day, because Tim may just get picked up by Breekon & Hope if he doesn't.

Tim's painfully aware that Jon’s well-being and Danny’s have a negative correlation right now. He is so uncomfortably aware that he's borderline sacrificing Jon's wellbeing for his brother's, and he's accepted that basically using Jon is the only way he has of getting Danny through this alive. It goes against his nature, he's a good person who doesn't want to hurt someone else for his own benefit, but he'll keep doing it for Danny.

And he knows that's going to be a lot harder to do if he gets to know Jon.

Out of all of the assistants, Tim actually has some of the greatest suspicions of how deeply wrong things are. Like, Martin saw how bad Jon got as a kid, but Tim’s been exclusively privy to Elias’s manipulative bullshit in a way the other two haven’t. He never got fed the lie of Jon being Elias's spoiled and beloved ward. His first introduction to this mess was Jon saving their asses several times over, and it has been nonstop red flags since then. One of the first thing that Jon tells him is that he hates being called Jonathan, and it's all Elias calls him. Jon turned into a nervous, frantic mess at the idea of assistants, and Elias has been trying to force it for years. He was sarcastic in the face of clown death, but actively scared at the possibility of Elias coming down. Jon cannot be reminded that man exists without launching into insults so creative that Tim almost feels like he should write them down for reference.

Tim spends more time with Jon than anyone out of the cast. He’s walking to and from work with him every day, spending time with him at mikes and at the archives, and the way Jon behaves fucking terrifies him. Both in a “your life is a spooky nightmare” kind of way and in a “you act like the aftermath of a tragedy” kind of way. He knows somethings deeply fucking wrong with Jon.

And he’s also genuinely honest about liking Jon. He doesn't like him the way Danny does, per se. Jon simply enchants Danny. Danny wants this man in his life forever. He wants to be roommates with him. He wants to go on a roadtrip with him. He is the world's most interesting man to Danny and Danny has never wanted to be best friends with someone so badly in his life. He's hilarious, a good person, and every single thing that comes out of his mouth is the absolute fucking wildest thing he has ever heard in his life. They fucking booked it from a monster clown together through a nightmare eldritch theatre together, which is the start of an epic friendship if Danny has ever heard one.

Jon’s a big “if only” to tim. Jon’s funny and kind and they get on great. Tim thinks that if they had met and Jon had just been Danny’s friend that he dragged home with him, he’d love being this guys pseudo older brother or something. But he’s clocked the situation, he’s figured out that Jon’s world is not something you can stay just out of the sightline of. It’s cut all ties or be eaten. So Tim’s already read the writing on the wall, made the mental calculation, and realized at the end of this, if they get out, he’s going to have to look the guy who saved their asses at his own expense in the eye and tell him they’re abandoning him forever. Thanks for the rescue that was costly to you in unspeakable ways, please never contact us ever again.

Tim needs Danny out, alive, and everything he’s seen and read has led him to a not unreasonable understanding that that’s going to require using and abandoning Jon as an absolute best case scenario. That’s weighs unbearably heavy on his conscious when Jon’s someone he likes and is actively worried about. If he knew the truth? It would be impossible.

[void-writing]

If you want to share, I'd love to hear more of your Rise TMNT and DCU crossover, please!

I am so so glad you asked : D

I've been trying so hard for so long to think of how the Rise boys misadventures would align with DCU, mostly because I was thinking about post-movie JL investigations into the Kraang Invasion. HOWEVER, I was rewatching the series with a friend semi-recently and we hit the "Battle Nexus: New York" episode and it abruptly hit me that Superman--who is in the state of New York (bc in my version of canon, Metropolis is in New York and Gotham's in New Jersey, as god intended)--would probably be high-key alarmed about the City That Never Sleeps going completely silent except for four teens and five adults, one of which being clearly the one behind it all (that one being Big Mama).

That line of thought honestly made me entertain the idea of Superman being like...the Turtles' weird uncle figure who checks in occasionally like "you good?" but I don't know all of where I'd want to take a story like that.

This honestly kind of spun around in my head for a while until I was hit with a lightning bolt of genius in the form of a very vivid daydream about Daily Planet Intern April O'Neil absolutely tearing into Lex Luthor because he had the sheer audacity to compare Superman to the Kraang in her presence, and a befuddled (and slightly flattered) Clark Kent holding her back from bodily attacking Lex like:

The fic that I'm writing is going to be a mega long one-shot of April being an absolute menace to the supervillain population of Metropolis. She's basically going to be a mini-Lois Lane but like five times more feral because this girl won't so much as flinch at the nonsense Supes deals with on the regular.

On the hero side, April kind of Tim Drakes her way into becoming Superman's unofficial-official sidekick on account of how she just forcibly inserts herself into dangerous situations and refuses to leave.

Hilariously, April doesn't put together that Clark is Superman for a while because her threshold for what constitutes as weird is so messed up that anything that Clark does that might flag as suspicious doesn't even ping for April. Lois and Jimmy have a bet in the background over how long it will take for April to figure out Clark is Superman.

Some other highlights knocking around in my head include:

April babysitting Jon for Clark and Lois so they can go on a date night. April cements herself as the coolest babysitter ever in helping Jon defend the Kent House from an incursion viscous tiny alien critters that Jon brought home from space on accident. Both are trying their hardest to not use powers in front of the other with mixed success.

On a similar note, April cultivating a big-sister relationship with Conner because you cannot tell me that he wouldn't fit right in with her collection of genetically engineered super-soldier brothers born from unethical experiments by a man convinced doing this will save his people, using DNA stolen from a powerful warrior he has homoerotic tension with (from a certain perspective regarding Lex and Clark, lol). Like seriously, Conner's backstory fits the Rise boys' so well. I can't not make April adopt him as little brother #5. Maybe for the hell of it I'll turn Conner into a turtle mutant and have him dick around with the Hamato boys, mostly in making Splinter question if he's been miscounting how many sons he has this entire time. Ah. Fic for another day.

The triumphant return of April's crane license (with bonus forklift certification)

Clark being a living jungle gym for this 4'10" menace to his confusion and everyone else's delight.

The Hamato boys making a surprise visit to the Daily Planet as April works with Lois on an article (because she missed their weekly call and the boys immediately assumed the worst) and April trying desperately to keep her dum-dum little brothers out of Lois's sight as they scamper around the office like it's a playground.

April unknowingly endearing herself to Wonder Woman when she stops by in civilian form to meet up with Clark for JL business.

April getting herself in way over her head trying to do a bit of investigative journalism alone and the Supers coming to bail her out (as a reminder to everyone--including myself--that April is not invincible).

And, of course, the reference to the Batman vs. TMNT movie that I mentioned in the last ask I did on this where the boys break into the Bat Cave and Donnie calls April to gloat that he was right about Batman's secret identity and meanwhile Clark gets a call from Bruce about the four teenage mutant menaces running around his lair and how they're connected to a specific Daily Planet intern Clark knows.

It's just really funny to me to imagine Rise!April being unleashed on Metropolis because Ninpo or no, I don't think anyone there would be prepared to handle the powerhouse that is April O'Neil. The villains of Metropolis quickly come to know and fear her because she will more often than not charge them with the nearest blunt object and somehow--despite not having a meta gene (they have checked)--she hits like a freight train and can keep up decently well with Supers (writing this out now makes me realize that it would be plausible that a conspiracy theory starts floating around Metropolis' criminal underground that April O'Neil is secretly Kryptonian in some capacity, only for it to be swiftly disproved when she grand-slams a chunk of Kryptonite into the Atlantic. Somehow this makes her more terrifying).

But yeah, April is just having the time of her life at this internship, blissfully unaware of how many minds she's breaking just being herself.

[batmanshole]

been thinking about those posts where people talk about their fav character's shampoo choices so i wanted to try with the bats. and then i went overboard.

tim uses 5 in 1 shampoo / conditioner / body wash / face wash / shaving cream. you cannot change my mind about this. his hair is greasy btw. has one eyeliner he uses religiously and he doesn't wash it off. not even with makeup wipes.

dick has a pretty basic but fun routine. by basic i mean he's not super into skincare but he has a bunch of products he thinks are fun and smell nice. probably some lush, innisfree, and other generally fresh-feeling products. i think he uses some good quality but not too fancy hair products. once he's out of his mullet arc his hair is soft i think. he also generally just has nice skin to begin with. wears some makeup

steph likes doing face masks, she's got a bunch and she likes to do them while hanging out with cass and babs. tried to get tim to do one once but he ran away. she's got some nice quality curly hair products (she has curly hair. to me.) and her makeup is basic but she won't buy it if she thinks the packaging is ugly.

cass initially didn't have much of a routine but after hanging out with steph she got more into it. i think she stole dick's innisfree moisturizer. probably uses basic but effective products for her face. enjoys body washes and loofahs (i have a whole thing about how she interacts w being feminine after her training ok? it drives me crazy. i love her lots)

jason conflicts me. i think when he's younger he didnt do much of anything except shower with small amounts of what was there. later on he tried stealing dick's foundation for fun but it didn't work out because their skin tones are. very different. after he dies/comes back i think he does not give a shit for a long time. he's too focused on revenge. that helmet cannot be good for your skin tho so i think he has some acne at this point. later on once he's calmed down a little i think he'll get into using like, a gentle facial soap or something to wash his face. he def has to shave so he uses moisturizing products for that just cause if he doesn't it irritates his skin and that bothers him. probably just uses basic shampoo and conditioner, but does have separate body wash. he has curly hair but it would take a lot of convincing from someone close to him to get him to like. actually use a curly hair shampoo + conditioner on it. also he doesn't wear sunscreen unless he has to. (is he tougher than the sun? who knows...)

barbara doesn't strike me as a makeup person but i think she'd use a lot of sunscreen bc she is a redhead and they burn easily (source: my mom is a redhead) as for shower products this is coming from experience (hi. im disabled) she has a shower chair obvs, and a loofah on a stick to reach places. showering can be difficult for disabled people (trust me lol) so i don't think she has a very complex routine or anything. she might use a very basic moisturizer on her face from time to time. would def let steph and cass do face masks with her though.

i think duke has a very effective but inexpensive routine. he likes moisturizing stuff and stays away from stuff with strong exfoliating ingredients + alcohol cause he doesn't like how it feels. doesn't own any makeup but would probably look great in it if he did. takes care of himself but doesn't go overboard.

bruce probably gets things sent to him for pr or whatever. he does seem like a clinique moisturizer guy though. he probably tells people / the media that he uses a bunch of fancy products to keep up his image but like he doesn't really use much

im conflicted about damian. i will have to keep thinking about this.

[rejaytionships]

🌈 for Mr. Tim Wright himself 👀 (@roboticromantic)

THE PERFECT MAN.......smirk emoji. i'm actually teetering between two hcs rn!

the normal headcanon is that he's bisexual and aceflux or some kind of acespec! tim always felt ssa to me (you cannot convince me that whatever he has going on in marble hornets isn't some queer icon shit) and also i think he has a complicated relationship with attraction in general but specifically things typically considered further than strictly romance so he just uses an acespec label for ease because that's a whole suitcase he doesn't really wanna unpack rn (what no i'm not projecting onto tim here whaaaaaat /lie)

my balls to the walls headcanon is that he's actually an intersex butch lesbian who doesn't really have a gender label and just goes with a masc identity because someone called him he/him and he was like sure whatever idc. i think intersex headcanons are neat and also after years of jokingly calling tim a lesbian because of his flannel i finally decided fuck it LESBIAN HOURS!!! (side note but in this timeline i also hc brian as a transfem lesbian!!! she used to identify as a cis bisexual dude but then realized she was so girlypop but also that the only "man" she was truly into was tim who is not in fact a man LMFAO)