#you can tell how dedicated I am to my job by the fact that I’m posting on tumblr during working hours

[veidelon]

Tag nine (9) people you’d like to know better

Thanks for the tag @boshemians!

Last song: I Will, Tonight by The Brobecks. My average workday consists of me listening to Dallon Weekes’s entire discography for 8 hrs.

Currently Watching: Not watching any shows… last thing I truly watched was AMC’s Interview with the Vampire series. I highly recommend the first 4.5 episodes and highly advise against watching the rest. I also tried watching How I Won the War yesterday and stopped at the first instance of John being weird about a man (5 minutes in), but I haven’t closed out of the tab yet so it should count.

Currently Reading: Last book I read was Enduring Love a few months ago. I suppose I’m technically still mid reading The Charioteer. And, most importantly, I’m still in the middle of a 1M+ word mclennon fic. It’s absolutely insane on many levels but I can’t stop.

Current Obsession: I truly hate to say this but I just started my first real full-time job, so the obsession part of my brain is on a low simmer while I get fully acclimated. I do want to watch through Xavier Dolan’s filmography (now that he’s sworn off making any more films lol) so maybe that’ll count, if it gets off the ground.

I feel like everybody’s already incestuously tagged each other, but I’ll tag some people I haven’t happened to have seen yet. No pressure of course.

@louiselux, @redlegotwobyfour, @m1ssunderstanding, @thestarsarecool, @beatlessideblog, @pie-of-flames, @goldslick, and @laurieodell if you wish lol.

[cecilysobsessions]

DESTINY (m.) | zuko

↬ fem!reader, protector!reader & protected!zuko

↬ genre: fluff / smut

↬ one bed trope, reader & zuko are adults (i am not writing no minors), fake dating for like one second, suggestive language, mild swearing, awkward cannon zuko, submissive zuko, typos but pretend you didn’t see them

↬ word count: 6k

↬ summary: you are hired as fire lord zuko’s personal bodyguard. being the stubborn man he is, he doubts that you can protect him. you’re going to prove him wrong. 

↬ a/n: i was upset i couldn’t find any sub!zuko fics so i said screw it and wrote one myself.

m.list

Destiny is a funny thing. And, of course, Fire Lord Zuko knows all about it. After firmly believing for so long that his destiny was to kill the Avatar, the world threw him a curve ball and he ended up joining the Avatar’s team to defeat his own father.

So when his palace staff appoints you, an experienced assassin, as his personal bodyguard, he rolls his eyes at your stupid destiny that just so happened to intertwine with his. 

When he became the Fire Lord, Azula almost immediately tried to get rid of him so that she could steal the throne by hiring you to kill him. Of course, she would have done it herself if she weren’t thrown into an asylum after their Agni Kai. However, after one of his staff overheard the conversation between you and his sister, they offered you twice as much payment as Azula did, and you couldn’t refuse the offer. Besides, what was Azula going to do? At this point she had already been taken away.

Although it seems shallow and a low blow to betray Azula because of money, you had to do what you had to do to get by. Growing up an orphan on the streets wasn’t always so good on you financially. You discovered you had a talent for stealing things for money, and even though you weren’t proud of it, it was the only way to survive. After running into some gang members who had heard about your talent, you began to work for them. Eventually you went from stealing for money to killing for it. Although it was not the life you wanted, it was the life you lived. 

So how did you end up coming to the royal palace as Zuko’s personal bodyguard with questionable work experience and blood on your hands? Simply put, you were skilled. As one of the few fire benders known to use lighting, you were pretty good at it. Being able to both generate and redirect it impressed those around you, and word went around with some saying you were even better at it than Azula. 

•••

“A bodyguard? I’m not a child; I don’t need protection.” Zuko rolled his eyes, his voice echoing through the large meeting room. 

“Nobody said you were a child,” his advisor clarified, his voice filled with anxiety. Zuko always had a short temper. 

“I can protect myself just fine. Besides, what will people think if they see the new Fire Lord with a body guard stuck to my side all the time? They’ll think I can’t handle myself.” Zuko was offended that his staff thought he needed a personal bodyguard to be near him 24/7. Sure, he was young, but he is capable. He rolled back his shoulders in an attempt to calm himself as he tried to explain his thought process. He has never been good with words, and he was already losing his patience.

“No, the people will know that you are taking your job seriously. And besides, we found an excellent fire bender that is able to both generate and redirect lighting! She’s excellent, and—”

“You already hired one without asking me first?!” Zuko cut off his advisor abruptly, his loud and stern voice rising along with the wall of fire in the room. He was already fired up and upset at the thought of having a personal guard, but the fact that his staff had already hired one without telling him first set him off. 

“Please, think about this.” his advisor’s calm and collected voice soothed his rising anger a bit. “As your staff, we are dedicated to protecting you and making sure you are safe at all times. The girl is a strong and smart bender and might even be able to teach you some things. Please, give her a chance and reconsider.” his advisor lowered his head in obedience and hoped for an answer.

After a moment of silence, with the only sound being the low flames in the room, Zuko took a deep breath and spoke. “Fine, but let me test her first. If I am able to knock her down, she leaves and you’re not allowed to hire a new one.”

•••

“He wants to fight me? Zuko?” you let out a fake laugh filled with arrogance as you stared down at his advisor. 

“Fire Lord Zuko,” he corrected you. “And well, yes. He is against the idea of having a personal bodyguard and the only way he will accept it is if you are able to fight him and not be knocked down.” the man explained, gesturing to the training courtyard outside the hallway window in the palace.

You followed his eyes and focused in on the former prince in the courtyard, eyeing his grown out hair. While you understood that Zuko wanted to make sure you were as good as his advisor said you were, you found it ridiculous. As far as you knew, he was constantly being bested by his younger sister. Although you weren’t as good a bender as his sister, you knew for sure you were better than him.

“Alright,” you shrugged as you began to make your way to the courtyard, his advisor following your steps. “Whatever makes him feel better. Wanna bet I can knock him down in sixty seconds?” a smirk grew on your face. You were not cocky in your ability, but confident. If you were being honest, you could probably knock him down in thirty seconds.

“I’m sure you can, but I’m not betting with you on whether or not you can knock the Fire Lord down in a minute. That’s inappropriate!” his advisor shushed you.

•••

Although you had seen the man from afar, you never realized how short Zuko was. You were almost taller than him (not that it mattered, it just made you feel superior when you were taller than men). 

“Your royal majesty,” you sarcastically greeted, your deep and exaggerated bow earned you a scowl from the Fire Lord. You were unsure of why you had chosen your first words to Zuko to be sarcastic and cocky, but you knew you wanted to show that you were a capable bender and not some little girl who knew how to throw a fireball. 

“Your bending better not be as horrible as your attitude,” he stared into your eyes, unamused at what you thought would be taken as a joke. “Let’s get this over with. Try and knock me down, if you can, and I’ll reconsider having you protect me.” you might have imagined it, but it seemed like Zuko didn’t believe you could beat him. You smirked, excited to prove to the royal that he was wrong and you are in fact the better bender.

“Aw, you think I can’t knock you down. That’s cute.” you winked, distancing yourself from him and taking a fighting stance, readying yourself. “Well your majesty, I’m ready when you are. Take the first move too, I’ll let you have that.” 

Zuko clicked his tongue in annoyance. “Only because I want to get this over with,” he widened his feet and took a stance, his arm coming down to shoot fire at the ground, coming towards your feet. 

As he shot his first move, you took a deep breath, rolling your eyes to show him what you thought of his predictable and easy to avoid move. Avoiding it simply, you punched the air, sending red flames towards him. But what he didn’t know was what you were going to do next. Distracted by your punch of fire, you quickly generated lighting through your fingertips, taking a deep breath before you aggressively pointed your hand towards where he was standing, making sure to miss him on purpose. As quickly as you sent the first shot of fire, Zuko saw a large lighting strike heading his way. Too slow to react and try to redirect it, your strike burned the spot on the ground next to him, the blackened spot on the ground inches from where he stood. 

“How,” he started in disbelief. “How did you generate lighting so fast?” his eyes widened as he looked at you. Still in shock from how quickly you created lighting and nearly killed him, you moved quickly, running towards him and jumping in the air and sending multiple strikes of fire at him through your hands. Still focused on how you created lighting through your fingertips with such speed, he held his arms up to block you. His attempt was sloppy and weak, and you knocked him down to the ground and stood over him. 

Zuko grunted, sitting up quickly and looking through the bright rays of sun blocking his view of you. “No way,” his hand came up to shield his eyes from the sun rays. 

“How long did that take me? Definitely less than a minute, right, Mr. Advisor?” you hollered over at the staff who was standing off to the side. You crossed your arms and stared down at the royal man below you. 

“You lasted less than a minute in this fight and I barely tried. Hopefully you’re not like that in the bedroom, Fire Lord Zuko.” you smiled down at him crookedly, a laugh escaping your lips as you started to walk off. “I’ll see you when I officially begin tomorrow, sir.” you bowed once again exaggeratedly. You couldn’t help but beam, you already knew you were going to win, but you didn’t expect to feel this good. Zuko was a handsome and talented fire bender, so something about beating him at something he is good at made you smile.

•••

It has been three years since you began to work for Zuko and he has learned three things in those three years. 

One. You never refer to him using his title as you should be doing because you apparently hate all “royal blooded bitches” as you say. But if Zuko was being honest with himself, he was pretty sure it was just because you simply didn’t want to. The staff around you always shot you looks when you yelled out his first name to grab his attention, but you never cared. He admired that about you. You didn’t care what other people thought of you, something Zuko himself always struggled with. 

Two. You were an absolute thug. What did he expect? You’re an orphan with a criminal background and a couple bodies on your list of people you’ve killed. Past Zuko would’ve thought you were some low life peasant, but that’s not what he thought of you at all. With a questionable past himself, he knew not to judge you for your past actions and choices. After all, some of his own past choices were questionable.

Three. You wear your heart on your sleeve and have a massive crush on him. So naturally, you make it known. As someone who doesn’t have a lot of relationship experience, or experience with women in general, Zuko never knew how to respond to anything you ever said to him that was even the tiniest bit flirtatious. After the breakup with his ex Mai, he had told himself to focus on his people and to stay out of relationships. When you first made it known to him that you fancied him, he thought you were joking. 

“So, Zuko,” you had begun while escorting him to a meeting. “People are asking if you’re courting anyone. You’ll need a Queen soon.”

“I’m not interested in that right now,” he sternly told you. “And besides, nobody’s interested in me at the moment.”

“Well, that’s where you’re wrong. I am.”

Zuko shook his head, pushing away the past conversation that confused him because did you actually like him and were you just casually confessing your feelings out of nowhere? Or did you only say all that because you pitied him?

She flirts with every guy here, he told himself (not true, but telling himself that helped convince him that you did not in fact like him even though you did and expressed that on multiple occasions). There was just no way you could ever like someone like him. He was easily upset, always busy with his royal duties, and only had one eyebrow. Literally. The scar his father gave him convinced him that he wasn’t handsome or in any way attractive. Who would ever want to love someone with a scarred face? 

“Zuko,” you barged into his quarters, shutting the door behind you as you interrupted his inner thoughts. “Are you ready?” you stood there, feet firmly planted on the ground like you didn’t intend on going anywhere.

“Do you not know how to knock?” he stood and looked at you, gesturing to his small luggage sitting on his bed. “I’m ready.”

The two of you were going on a secret mission (actually it was just him and technically you were just coming along to protect him) to spy on an unknown enemy of Zuko’s, most likely someone who did not want him on the throne. He had wanted to do it himself, saying that he needed to get a good look at the person who wanted to dethrone him. 

“Just because I’m your bodyguard, that doesn’t mean I’m also your servant,” you eyed his belongings. “Carry your own shit.”

•••

You and Zuko quietly arrived near the location in a close forest of the unknown person who was apparently planning to rebel and dethrone Zuko. Tightening your hood, you created a small flame in your hand and searched around for any sign of danger. It was midnight and the two of you were planning to camp here for the night before resuming the mission in the morning to search for the unknown person. 

“Stay close to me,” you instructed in a whisper.

“I know that.”

“Then come closer to me, idiot.” you aggressively grabbed onto his sleeve, yanking him closer to you as you quietly stepped around the area of trees.

“Ow, can you please be gentle?!” he complained, attempting to pull away from your gorilla grip but failing.

“Zuko, shut the fuck up.” you warned.

“I don’t take orders from you.” 

“One more word and I’ll burn the shit out of you.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“Oh yeah? Then—” in the middle of your banter with the Fire Lord, you saw a flame heading towards the two of you. Reacting quickly, you pushed Zuko behind your back and pushed away the flame with your hands before throwing a punch and firebending towards the threat.

“Who’s there? One step and I’ll burn you,” you threatened, eyes frantically searching the dark for a sign of life. 

You felt Zuko behind you, chest pressed up against your back and heart rapidly beating against your body. He was nervous and scared and if you didn’t feel his panicked heartbeat, you wouldn’t know. You had to get out of there.

“Relax little girl, I only want what’s in that satchel.” you heard a gruff voice that came from a few feet in front of you. Zuko gripped the satchel around his body, debating if he wanted to just give it up to the intruder or help you fight him. 

“You want it? Come and get it,” Zuko taunted, standing in front of you and kicking a flame towards the mysterious man. 

“Zuko!” you warned. “Get behind me!”

“You might be my bodyguard, but I don’t always need your protection.” He spoke with determination in his voice as he stood firmly, his hands in the air and ready to firebend at any second. 

“Your bodyguard is a woman?” the mysterious man cackled, jumping out of the dark and attacking Zuko with fire. 

“Yeah, and what about it?” he shot back, easily defending himself against the wannabe thief. You stepped back, wanting to see how Zuko would protect himself. They began to fight close up, engaging in hand to hand combat, which you knew Zuko was good at. You had seen him at times training and were impressed. He easily overpowers the man, knocking him out with a swift kick and turns back to you, the unconscious man laying on the ground. 

“If that were me, I would’ve beat you.” you commented.

“I know,” he responded, searching the man for any weapons. After patting him down, he takes a knife from the man’s pockets. 

“That was hot,” you said, winking at him in the dark and hoping he’d see it. You grabbed the knife from him and started walking.

Apparently he didn’t see the wink. Wonder why. “Well yeah, fire is hot.” Zuko responded. 

You did a mental facepalm. “I know fire is hot, you dumbass. I was talking about you being able to defend yourself. That was hot.” you repeated. How many times would you have to hit on this guy for him to understand you liked him?

“Oh…” he trailed off, unable to form his confusion into words. Why would you find that hot?

You sensed he didn’t know what to say, so you spoke first. “Let’s go to a nearby village and hope that we can find a place to stay there. It’s too dangerous to be out in the woods.

•••

Luckily the two of you wandered into a village not too far from the forest, and were able to find an elderly couple kind enough to house the two of you for the night. 

“It’s so late, a young couple like the two of you shouldn’t be out and about at this hour.” the woman lectured after seeing the two of you walking down the street and hurrying you in her home.

Zuko wanted to correct the woman. “We’re not a cou—” 

“Thank you for your kind hospitality. We really appreciate it. We were a little lost on our way and are traveling.” you cut him off abruptly and offered a kind smile to the lady. You grabbed his arm, squeezing it aggressively as a warning to shut up.

After showing you to their guest room, Zuko lit the only candle in the room, the low lighting barely bouncing off his porcelain skin. 

“Why did you let her think that we’re a couple?” Zuko questioned, shutting the door behind him.

“Are you stupid? It’ll be suspicious if we tell her we’re just two people traveling together. It’s easier to just pretend we’re a couple so no one questions us.” you explained, but secretly you were happy the lady called you guys a couple.

You set your bag down by the door, taking in the small bedroom. There was an open window across from the door, the bright moonlight shining into the room. Other than a dresser and a chair, a small mat that was big enough to fit two people laid in the center of the room. Eyeing the singular mattress, the silence turned into an awkward moment of hesitation between the two of you. While Zuko probably felt awkward, you were happy. The thought of snuggling up to him claiming you’re cold as an excuse to be close to him crossed your mind. You were secretly excited.

“So I guess we have no choice but to sleep next to each other,” you started, trying to hide how happy you were feeling. 

“What? I’m not going to sleep next to you!” he complained.

“Then where are you sleeping?” you questioned, gesturing to the singular mat. “There’s only one.”

“I’m sleeping on that mat. You can sleep on the chair.” he motioned to the uncomfortable looking chair in the corner. 

“What?” there was no way you were going to let him take the mat for himself. “But I’m the woman! You should let me have it.” 

He was already pulling out his sleeping bag. “You’re my bodyguard, so sleep on the chair and protect me. A man needs his beauty sleep.”

“Beauty sleep my ass,” you were beginning to grow tired and cranky and laid on the mat next to him. “It’ll be easier to protect you if I’m physically closer to you, don’t you think?”

Zuko’s eyes widened, his eyebrow furrowing in annoyance. “Whatever. Just don’t touch me.” he sighed in defeat, turning his back against you and pulling his blanket up and laying on his side his scar is on.

Your eyes trace the lines of his back muscles that are showing through his thinly made shirt. His shoulders are broad, hair covering his nape. Combing his hair behind him, you get a whiff of his shampoo. You can’t help but stare, even though he isn’t facing you. And suddenly you feel nervous. Too nervous to say anything, too nervous to do anything, too nervous to even breathe. The room is filled with silence, the only faint noise being the single candle in the corner of the room burning. What if you’re breathing too loudly? What if he can hear it? What if he thinks you’re a loud breather? 

“No weird pickup line?” Zuko’s voice suddenly breaks the silence and your inner thoughts, his voice soft and low in a careful attempt to not wake the elderly couple.

Has his voice always been laced with such sultry and sexiness? Why was he suddenly making conversation? You thought he wanted to sleep, so why is he asking why you’re not flirting with him? Does he know you’re nervous? 

“I thought you wanted to sleep,” a lame excuse, but some part of it was true.

Zuko’s body shifts and he turns on to his other side to face you, laying on his arm as his golden eyes search for yours in the dark. When he finally looks at you, you unintentionally hold your breath. The way he is looking at you makes you nervous. His eyes are staring into yours as if he’s all yours and you’re all his. As if you two are lovers and are sharing an intimate moment of eye contact before a kiss.

“The mattress is a little uncomfortable.” he whispers, his voice small and soft. 

Was he already laying this close to you? 

A beat of silence passes between the two of you, and his eyes refuse to break contact with yours. “What a spoiled royal,” was the only thing you said, you were feeling a little awkward and unsure of what to say. Normally you felt confident flirting with him, but something about tonight made it feel different.

“Of course you’d say that,” he lets out a small chuckle at your comment, his eyes moving down your body as if he is checking you out. 

“You smell nice.” you say after a beat. You don’t know what came over you. Only that you thought it and wanted to say it.

“You’ve always been so straightforward,” he says and you’re not sure if he means that as an insult or compliment. “I admire that about you.”

Zuko admires you? You always thought he didn’t think much of you, but maybe you just thought that way because he never actually voiced his opinion of you.

“These last three years have been different,” he continued. “Good different. Ever since I took the throne I’ve been busy with my duties and haven’t had much time to relax. But spending time with you and getting to know you has been really… great.” Zuko has always been a little awkward, understandable since he often does not speak about his feelings. 

“That’s it?” you laugh at his awkwardness. “Just great?”

“I think you’re amazing. Getting to know you has been so fun for me. And I’m starting to feel really comfortable around you. You make me feel safe.” 

You make Zuko feel safe? Your heart swells at that compliment. “Well, I would hope so. I’m supposed to keep you safe, too.” you joke, and his eyes light up as he smiles. Or maybe it’s just the candle.

“I’m sorry I doubted your ability to protect me. You are a talented bender and an amazing bodyguard. But I want you to know, I will always be there to protect you, too.” he whispers, voice sweet like honey as he leans closer to you, his eyes moving down to your lips for just a moment before meeting your eyes again. 

Zuko is even closer to you now, his face lit up by the moonlight. His tongue peeks out and he licks his bottom lip for a second, wandering eyes flickering down to your lips once again. 

“You look beautiful in this light,” you comment, your eyes scanning his features. 

“Are you saying I don’t look beautiful in any other light?” he asks, a teasing smile plastered on his face. 

“Yeah, you only look this good when it’s almost completely dark and the only source of light is the moon.” he laughs at your response, a low chuckle escaping his lips. 

“Can you see my scar?” he asks, insecurity in his voice.

“Yes, and it looks good. Scars build character.” As someone who’s received scars from living out on the streets and constantly getting into fights to rob people, you have a couple scars yourself. Although they may be an imperfection on the skin, all your scars tell a story and are unique to you. 

Zuko wonders if you knew that he was feeling insecure about it. He has always been insecure about it since it’s a reminder of what his father did to him, and it’s never helped that he hears people always whispering about it in the palace.

“Do you have any scars?” he asks, unsure if the question is crossing a boundary.

“A couple.”

“Can I… Can I see them?” he anxiously asks you, his voice softer and more submissive. He is afraid you’re going to say no and afraid if you do that it will be awkward.

“Do you just want to see me naked, Zuko? You could’ve just asked.” you tease.

His eyes practically jump out of their sockets. His face flushes and his embarrassment travels down to his neck, red and and feeling even more awkward and nervous than before. 

“W-What? That’s not what I meant! I was just—I didn’t mean for it to come off like that! I was only asking that because I’m insecure about my scar and—” Zuko keeps speaking, faster than before and more panicked. You chuckle, amused by how he tries to back himself up. He continues to rant and stutter a bit before you hold up your hand to shush him.

“You know, Zuko, for someone who doesn’t say much, you’re saying an awful lot right now. And you’re not even saying much. You're just rambling on and on.” you lecture, raising an eyebrow to prove your point.

“I’m just a little nervous,” he confesses.

“Why’s that?”

“Because. I can't tell if you’re joking with me when you say the stuff you say.”

“What do I say?”

“You know.”

“No, I don’t. What kind of stuff do I say to you?”

He sighs in frustration. He doesn’t want to say it. “Like, like when you called me hot… earlier.”

“You thought I was talking about the fire.” 

“Yes, and then you said that you weren’t.” he says all confused; all you’re doing is trying to get him to stop beating around the bush and be straightforward, but it’s too nerve wracking for him.

“Because I wasn’t.”

“Right,”

“Right.” you agree.

“So, then you said—you said you were talking about me.”

“I did say that.”

“Yeah…” he trails off, unable to form a sentence.

“What’s your point? What are you trying to get at?” you’re teasing him. You know exactly what he wants to ask. You know he wants to ask if you have feelings for him, but he’s too afraid you’ll say no and he’s afraid to make it awkward. 

Cute.

“I guess what I’m trying to ask is… if you, maybe, perhaps, possibly…”

“Like you?” you finish his question for him. Because if you don’t, he’ll take all night.

He stops himself from saying anything, face full of uncertainty and confusion. He stares at you, waiting—hoping that you will speak first. You have always led the conversations between the two of you, so now that he has to do it, he is lost and looking for help.

“What do you think?” you ask, turning the question on to him. You want to see what he will say. 

“I…” Zuko trails off once more. “I would hope so.” His voice is hushed, low and subtle. If you weren’t listening so closely and weren’t so close to him physically, you wouldn’t have heard him. Through his whispering, he sounds hopeful, almost as if he is asking—begging you to feel something for him.

“You would hope so?” you repeat and he nods in response. “And why is that?”

“Because… I think I would feel upset if you didn’t like me.” he confesses, taking a deep breath. He looks as if he is trying to control his breathing. Is he nervous? Turned on? Or does he just have trouble breathing?

You smirk. “Why would you feel upset, Zuko?”

A faint pout forms on his pretty lips. His eyes droop and he looks like he is about to complain. “Are you really going to make me say it?” 

You nod.

“I would feel upset because I like you. I like you more than just my bodyguard. I like you more than just a friend. I like you more than just a talented bender who can take my life with a single lightning bolt. I like you more than you can even imagine.” Zuko finally confesses, releasing a breath he didn’t realize he was holding in.

“You like me? More than you like your honor?” you joke; you don’t want him feeling so tense around you.

“Yes. A lot more.”

“Good,” is your only response before you lean in. His lips are warm and soft and inviting. You feel your loud heartbeat through your ears and it feels as if the entire world has paused just for the two of you to kiss. 

To him, your kiss is intoxicating yet sweet. Addicting, so addicting he wants more. Zuko has never felt aroused by a simple kiss until now. He tilts his head, hopeful to kiss more of you. He feels himself losing control, his thoughts are wandering yet he is still staying put, his hands to himself because even though he wants more, he doesn’t want to make the first move. You have always led the conversations, so he is hoping you will lead this kiss too. Trying to control his breathing through his nose, he can’t help but moan quietly into your mouth, heat reaching his cheeks in embarrassment. He feels you smirk against his lips, tilting your head to deepen the kiss. Your soft fingertips cup his cheek, gently caressing his scarred skin with a tender love he has never felt before. 

His hands hesitantly make their way to your waist, gently wrapping around your middle as he pulls you in closer to him. Zuko presses himself against you, desperate to feel more than just your lips against him. You feel his heart beating hard against your chest, the right grip on your waist firm. He quietly moans against you, slight whimpers being held back as he pushes himself into you, desperate for more. Desperate for something, anything.

“Ah,” he quietly whimpers, his hand grabbing at yours and holding it to his chest. You flex your hand slightly, taking the opportunity to feel his pecs. Someone has been working out. “Please,” he begins. He sounds so desperate; you’ve never heard him like this before, but you like it. “More, I want more. Please, do something.”

Zuko wraps his legs around yours, pushing his hips forward to meet yours, his body desperate for more affection and more friction. He is starting to slip, becoming more and more desperate each passing second. You can feel him through the thin material of his pants, dick hard and pressed up against your body. You take a deep breath in an attempt to calm yourself. Looking into Zuko’s eyes, you can see everything he is feeling in them. Aroused, in love, submissive, and breedable desperate. 

“Would you like to see my scars?” you ask, earning a gentle smile from him. 

“Only if you would like me to see.”

“I don’t mind.” you smile back, pulling away from him and lifting the blanket. Eyeing the wet spot on his crotch, Zuko quickly pulls part of the blanket onto his lap, embarrassed that you noticed.

“Sorry,” he says shyly.

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” you grin, sitting up and lifting part of your shirt to expose your lower stomach. “See this?” you ask. Zuko sits up with you and leans in slightly to look at your lower stomach. He can’t tell if you have been stabbed or sliced, but whatever happened, the scar looks deep and painful. “Got it in an assisination mission.”

“It must’ve hurt,” he whispers, his fingertips reaching out towards it. He looks up at you, eyes asking for permission to touch your scar. When you nod, his fingers gently ghost over the imperfection, feeling it slowly.

“Well I killed him, so he was probably in more pain than I was.” you laugh, remembering the man you killed.

“Do you have any more?” His eyes are full of curiosity, eager to learn more about your past and about your body.

“I have one on my thigh,” you tell him.

Zuko eyes your pajama pants. “You don’t have to show me. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”

“Oh, so you don’t want me to take off my pants?” you joke. “I see how it is…” 

“No! Of course I would like to see. Please?” he smiles shyly, hoping you’ll say yes.

“Hmm, I don’t know… you don’t seem very desperate to see…” 

Zuko shakes his head in defeat, giving into you as he leans in. He kisses your cheek sweetly, his lips slowly moving down towards your neck. “Please,” he whispers. He leaves slow and sweet kisses, his hand coming up to your thigh to caress it. His large hand glides upwards on your thigh, nearing where you want it the most. “Please, show me…” his hand stops, gripping your thigh.

“Since you wanna see that bad, I suppose I could show you.” you begin to unlace your pants. 

“You just wanted to see me beg,” 

“Well, yes. And it was nice. I quite enjoyed it.” you laugh, kicking off your pants so you’re wearing nothing but your underwear and your top. Zuko looks, stares, admires your beauty. He looks down at the scar, smaller than the one on your stomach, but it still looks painful. 

“I got stabbed. Another assassination.”

“Did you end up killing them?” 

“Yeah, so no biggie.”

Zuko is quiet, unsure of what he should do. Should he let you talk about it, or should he ask about it? You’re quiet and he doesn’t know if that’s because you want something else, or if you don’t want to talk about it. Unsure, he leans down, his lips leaving a gentle kiss on your scar. At the same time, he eyes your underwear, a wet spot forming where he wants to kiss the most. He looks up, feeling himself grow hard again. 

“Even with your scars, you are still beautiful.” he whispers, leaning up to leave a kiss on your lips.

“I know that, Zuko. I never said I didn’t feel beautiful because of my scars.”

“Oh,” he feels so stupid. Why did he assume you felt ugly with all your scars? You were not like him. “Sorry.” 

“If you’re so sorry, make it up to me.” you smirk and lift your shirt up, exposing your breasts to him. 

His eyes begin to wander, trying to memorize the curve of your breasts and where your scar is on your stomach. Leaning down, he buries his face into your chest. He leaves a gentle kiss on one of your nipples, his hand coming up to massage the other. His entire hand wraps around your breast, squeezing and kneading as he opens his mouth around your nipple, sucking on the skin. He leaves wet kisses as his lips move down on your body, stopping to kiss your stomach scar. Laying you back down, he starts kissing your lower stomach as his fingertips tease the band of your underwear. Your hips jerk up, signaling to him that he needs to do something. Gently pulling your underwear down and off, he crawls between your legs, eager to please you. 

You spread your legs, exposing your wetness to his lips. He leans in, tongue carefully licking at you. You let a breath out, tugging on his locks to where you need him the most. He moans, almost more excited than you are and sucks on your clit. When you pull his hair, desperate for him to be tougher, he moans again, his hips grinding against the mattress in an attempt to relieve himself. Zuko pulls away for a second, sitting up in front of you. He pulls at his pants, impatiently yanking them down as he frees himself. His cock springs upwards, and he moans in relief.

“Can I touch myself?” he begs, his voice a whimper as he leans back down, face in between your legs again.

You nod and he leans back into you again, his tongue working at your clit again and sucking on it. One of his hands grips your thigh, slowly making its way to your entrance. His other hand strokes himself, his hips bucking into his own hand as his other hand begins to tease your entrance. You’re practically dripping, hips bucking up into his face as he pushes himself into you. Zuko’s fingers rub at your entrance, a mix of his saliva and your arousal allowing him to push a finger into you. He moans into you, his finger curving as he strokes himself faster. His hips desperately fuck into his hand as his lips desperately suck on to your clit. He moans, excited to please you as he also pleases himself. Feeling him moan and whimper against you and seeing him so desperate for his release he touches himself has you gripping his roots and pulling him into you. Your grip on him is strong and hurts, but arouses him more and his moans begin to grow louder.  

“Ngh, fuck,” he pants, his hand stroking his dick. “You taste so good.”

“You’re too loud, Zuko,” it’s late at night and the elderly couple housing the two of you might hear and that would be absolutely mortifying.

“I’m sorry, I can’t help it.” he moans again, pulling away to bite down on his lip. His hair has been messed up and there is a blush on his cheeks, his lips wet with your arousal and his saliva.

He leans down again, inserting a second finger and curling them, making you let out a loud moan. You cover your mouth with your other hand as the other one continues to grip his hair. He licks at you in desperation, eager and determined to make you orgasm. His long and thick fingers move in and out of you as he continues sucking at your clit, licking and tasting it as you move your hips towards him faster. 

“Ahh,” he whimpers again, moaning against you as you desperately buck your hips upwards, the vibrations of his moans and the sweet sound of his whimpers sending you over the edge. Your legs wrap around his neck and he continues to finger you, his own hips moving faster as he fucks himself. The moans you let out make him move faster, desperate to hear you as he pleasures himself. He shakes, thrusts staggered as he finishes off of your moans and your own orgasm. The only sounds in the room are your heavy breaths and Zuko’s kisses he leaves on your thigh and stomach again, making sure to kiss your scars as well.

“So…” he begins. “Do you like me? Or….”

“What?” you ask, out of breath.

“Well, you never said if you do or not.” he questions, sitting up and reaching for his bag to look for something to clean you up. 

“Oh my god,” you laugh, leaning in to kiss him. “I thought it was obvious.”

“It’s not.”

“You’re so clueless,” you smack his head playfully. “Yes, I do. I wasn’t lying the previous times I hinted at it.” 

“Good,” he breathes a sigh of relief before kissing you again.

•••

“I told you that you were too loud!” you nag Zuko, angrily shoving his shoulder as the two of of you walk down the road in the middle of the night after being kicked out of the elderly couple’s house.

“Me? You were the one who wouldn’t shut the fuck up!” he rubs his shoulder in an attempt to soothe it. You were much stronger than you looked.

“No stupid, that was you! You were louder than me and got us kicked out! See what you did!” you yelled.

“Oh, shut up! You liked it!” Zuko fires back, rolling his eyes.

••• a/n: bye i didn’t even mean to write smut it j happened 💀

m.list

[fayrobertsuk]

Poetry for ALL

Some personal anecdotes and a plea follow...

As quite a few of you know, I’ve been engaged in disability awareness and rights campaigning and other work since sometime in the 90s, so when I was given an opportunity to support and host an event dedicated to making performance poetry as accessible as possible in 2018, I jumped on it.

(image description in alt text)

Poetry for All is the brainchild (and heartchild, and soulchild) of Rose Drew, who I first met through one of Richard Tyrone Jones’s Utter events in London. She’s an extraordinary writer and performer, and a powerhouse of an events host and organiser. Within about 30 seconds of watching her on stage, I knew I wanted to be like her when I grew up as an artist. When she got in touch three years later to ask if I’d like to help out with what turned out to be the inaugural event, I threw myself into providing as much support as possible with enthusiastic abandon, and we pulled together a line-up which included the extraordinary performers Raymond Antrobus and DL Williams (“DeafFirefly”), both of whom I’d performed with before and was keen to see again. 

Now, there’s a whole section on our new website about the history of the events where you can read the facts, but I want to say here that, personally, that first event in March 2018 (coincidentally on my birthday!) was an absolute eye-opener – seeing how poetry events could expand and develop the ideal of accessibility in ways I hadn’t considered. It was also extremely inspirational as I realised that, well, I was allowed to write about my disabilities. Seeing and hearing artist after artist sharing so much and so eloquently unlocked something in me that I didn’t even know I’d been repressing:

I’m allowed to be an openly disabled poet. I’m allowed to express my neurodivergence. I can tell my truth. 😱🤯

Bit of a culture-shock, but I owe so much to the poets and to Rose (and to Dave Wycherley, BSL interpreter extraordinaire – that’s a hard and physically/ mentally taxing job as it is, but to do that with poetry? on the fly?! breathtaking...) for helping me get to that starting point, knocking down the walls of my own internalised ableism.

So, apart from a paean to self-expression and why representation and finding tribe matters, and a screed of gratitude for new friends made and old friendships strengthened through the course of these events, why am I writing this? What’s with the hashtag? “Plea...?”

Well, so far, since you ask, all of our events have had local funding in York, where they’ve taken place exclusively so far. Rose applied for Arts Council England funding for this and next year for a tour comprising several venues and a host more disabled artists and BSL interpreters from various parts of the UK (all getting paid properly!), but we found out last week that we’d not got the money. Any of it. So our forthcoming event on 24th November in the gorgeous National Centre for Early Music is in jeopardy and, since the thought of Rose (herself a disabled artist on low wages) having to pay for this out of her own pocket was not to be supported, I threw myself at a plan of creating a (somewhat last-minute) Crowdfunder, so that we can at least pay for the venue, the artists’ and interpreters’ fees, the travel and accommodation expenses of those of us coming from out of town, and the costs of producing merchandise to sell. We’ll be producing an anthology in print and ebook form, as a joint publication between indie publishers Stairwell Books and Allographic Press. And, if we exceed our funding goal, there’ll be video and audio available of the event to boot!

We’ve created a frankly very exciting range of pledge rewards for people wanting to support us (all the way from £1 and £2 options, since money is tight, especially for disabled folk, right now, to more chunky ones like private mentoring, workshops, and a publishing package), and we’ve got three weeks(!) to raise our £1,500 to cover the shortfall from ticket and merch sales. Eeep! So, if you’re able to and would like to help us, we’d be ever so grateful. The campaign is here:

https://www.crowdfunder.co.uk/p/poetry-for-all-2023-fundraiser

And if you have absolutely no funds to share with us at all, we’d be incredibly grateful if you shared on social media, with friends, on blogs, all of that!

Thanks for reading all this, and have a great day!

[toffeelemon]

will there be an i am awaiting you update soon 👉🏻👈🏻

hi love!

you’ve been so consistantly in my inbox that i’m pretty sure by now that you’re the same dedicated reader. please do not be shy to slide into my dms! (anyone else is welcome too!) i always love to talk more princess simon lore and there’s so much that don’t make the cut that i can share that i’m sure will satisfy you in between updates.

to answer your question: i don’t know, chapter 5 has a bit of weight already but nowhere near where i want to end it, and soon is a very ambitious concept.

i do have a snippet from chapter 5 floating around so i will reblog that just in case you haven’t seen it yet.

i’ve been in a bad way recently and i’m gonna elaborate below for everyone who might be wondering, even though it must go without saying that no one needs any explanation for their creative pacing and productivity (or lack thereof).

(CN: classic queerphobia trauma dump)

i’m sure this is not an unfamiliar story. i am an independent adult, i have a full time job, a part time diploma, i just put on a gallery exhibition in my free time on top of everything else, a billion things are going on that are squeezing me of time and energy, yada yada.

but i’m also surrounded by people who constantly deadname and misgender me or my friends, and talk about trans children (who i go out to support as much as i could) like they’re better off dead. i’m also trying to support my friends, people in my community, a lot of people i have two or three degrees of separation with - people who are going to jail, disappearing, under systemic pressures just for being queer. i am trying to make peace - more accurately make energy for rage and resistance - with the fact that most people in this world do not like my existence. i am so very stressed and upset most of the time and honestly i think it’s pretty warranted, and i’m sure literally everyone can commiserate about the state of the world right now.

i don’t exist in a vacuum. everything i create don’t exist in a vacuum. i weave through and transform pain and suffering the way i do, i dream of love and hope and happiness the way i do, because this is my life and this is how i choose to get through it.

i know that there are people who really enjoy my fics, and a handful of yous also make the effort to let me know, i see you and love you all. i really do appreciate it. i really want to share all the radical optimism and strength that i can manage and pass the positive energy forward. it truly does warm my heart whenever someone decides to share how i’ve touched them and connected them to gender euphoria, to living a more authentic self, to finding love for themselves or for romance. it means a lot to me.

even if only one single person is holding onto this particular fic like a lifeline, it still matters to me. i see you, and you matter to me. i do care about you and want to make you happy.

but as much as i’d love to support and give back to my community (which is you!), i also am a human being who needs the same support, and currently i’m struggling so much. i know i like to present myself as strong and happy-go-lucky (shocker you can’t tell from my ao3) but really it’s so hard to be energised and present enough to write lately.

i don’t mean to trauma dump - i don’t think this counts as trauma at all. it’s just the reality of being alive. and i wouldn’t change it for the world. being queer, being gender non conforming, being poc has been the greatest gift of my life and i wouldn’t trade it for anything else. my brain gave you my ao3. my brain also holds me back in a lot of other ways. there’s also a lot of things that are out of my control (and undiagnosed probably lmfao). i hope you can extend grace and patience to me that you would to yourself, that i would for you.

and not to be an attention whore but any other chat about fics would make me so happy and nourished! tell me about your favourite things! tell me what songs it reminded you of! tell me about your life! tell me about a girl you like!

i do love sharing space with you. i’ll write when i’m ready. i’ll post when it’s done. i don’t think there’ll be a posting schedule anymore, i’m sorry. i usually like posting on sundays but let me know if any other time would work better for you? which timezone? i’m trying my best, i promise.

and for now, i hope the however many words (that weren’t in the bible) on my ao3 could tide you through the night. i’m holding your hand through the coming holiday season. i am thinking of you. take care! ♥︎

[saintsenara]

How has being a doctor influenced your writing or ig your viewpoints/person? Currently I’m a med student - haven’t really come across many doctors who also write ff (perhaps I’m not talking to the right people haha). Can you tell me a little more about what meds like for you?

thank you for the ask, anon - and i hope your training is going well.

i'm not going to talk about my speciality etc., for internet safety reasons, and i've received another ask which i will one day get around to answering on wizarding medicine as a science. but i will talk about how medicine has affected my experience in fandom and influenced my writing.

my writing process looks, i think, fairly ruthless from the outside. i’m not somebody who tends to agonise over things like word choice, i never have anything beta-read or seek advice on plot lines as i’m writing, i don’t need little routines or dedicated time to write [i’m a whenever and wherever girly], i hit publish and move on, and i’m generally good at not getting upset by criticism. and that decisiveness is undoubtedly a skill which has been honed by working in medicine, but, like other aspects of my personality which affect both my writing and my career - e.g. that i’m extremely good under pressure, someone with good intuition, able to hyperfocus, a lateral thinker, possessed of a very strong stomach, someone who doesn’t need to stick rigidly to a routine, and emotionally resilient - i’ve always been like this.

and i’ve also always been someone who has a preference for characters who aren’t the good guys.

my writing tends to favour the flawed, the lonely, the grieving, the furious, the self-destructive, and so on. i find the virtuous quite boring, and i really dislike the puritanical streak which a lot of fandom discourse [and, indeed, all media discourse] has developed in recent years. i think it’s incredibly dangerous that liking particular themes, tropes, or characters in fanfiction has come to be equated with the reader’s real-world views and morals, and i think it’s equally dangerous for us to have any assumption that moral purity is possible from either fictional or real people.

that i think this is partially because i’m not fourteen - i remember well the righteousness of youth, and i’m glad that social media wasn’t anywhere near as pervasive then - and i am sympathetic to the fact that a lot of this purity discourse is just teens trying to self-actualise.

but it’s also because it’s something that's completely impossible to do as a doctor if you’d like to be capable of doing your job properly. you will never have a perfect patient, you will never like a perfect character, you will treat them anyway.

when you’re training, i think it’s easy to end up with the assumption that your difficult patients will either have reasons for their difficulties which are so understandable that you can have compassion for them with ease [e.g. the nice young person being slowly locked-in by als who lashes out in grief and rage at how their life is being cut short] or so cartoonishly malicious that you will enter a state of clinical detachment and treat them with nothing more than cool professionalism [e.g. the elderly racist who refuses to be treated by a black doctor]. and you certainly will have lots of patients who fit these extremes of the spectrum.

but you will mostly have people who are very messy and complicated and human. who will be incredibly unpleasant and yet will also tug at your heartstrings. who will be in pain and will be afraid and will be funny and interesting and grieving and who will also have done things in their lives which are horrifying.

your patients will be cruel. they will be sleazy. they will treat the nurses with contempt [do not be the sort of doctor who does the same]. they will be bigoted. they will be rude. they will be annoying. they will be sly. they will lie to you. they will be malicious. the list is endless.

you will treat them anyway.

your patients will make bad decisions again and again - the sixty-a-day smoker who needs oxygen to breathe is probably still going to light up the second they’re out of the building, the person who barely survived covid because they didn’t get the vaccine is going to continue to refuse to take precautions to protect themselves - and you will be infuriated and you will understand how it’s never as simple as just not making that bad decision.

you will treat them anyway.

your patients will choose to be and to remain ill-informed - they will tell you that vaccines can turn children trans, or that the pharmaceutical industry is suppressing the truth that homoeopathic remedies cure cancer - and you will be infuriated and you will understand how it’s never as simple as just changing your worldview overnight.

you will treat them anyway.

your patients will end up in hospital for reasons which are directly and incontrovertibly their own fault - they will be the eighteen-year-old who thought they’d be fine to drive after a couple of drinks and has now killed their friend and given themselves irreversible brain damage, they will be the drug dealer who got stabbed by a rival in a robbery-gone-wrong - and you will be infuriated and you will understand how it’s never as simple as making a different choice when so much in life is a coin-toss.

you will treat them anyway.

your patients will end up in hospital and also be bad people - they will be the child molestor brought in from prison in cardiac arrest, they will be the parents who went to the bar rather than watch their child in the pool and are now having to be told that all resuscitation attempts have failed - and you will be infuriated and you will understand that even the very worst people in the world can be afraid and in pain.

you will treat them anyway.

you will also learn a very important lesson: it is tremendously easy to kill someone.

you will see one failure to check the mirrors while driving, one punch in a pub brawl, one bump of mdma offered to a friend on a night out, one instance of seeing red, one split-second decision which takes a life. and you will recognise that the killer probably thought of themselves as a good person, but that isn’t how this works.

because, of course, the cold, hard truth is that you probably think of yourself as a good person. but you’re going to kill someone too.

not intentionally - I hope. but you are going to act too slowly to begin treatment, or be convinced that someone’s pain can’t be as bad as they say and triage them wrongly, or assume that a patient with dozens of instances on their records of trying to score opiates by claiming to have abdominal pain is lying again, or think that you know better than the patient and their family, or be misled by the charming demeanour of people who are abusing their children. you are going to make a mistake in surgery, or because the lab was backed up, or because you’re tired, or because a&e is at breaking point. and somebody is going to die because of it.

the only thing you can do to stave off that inevitability for as long as possible is to never believe yourself infallible. don’t think of yourself as flawless, or righteous, or moral, or a brilliant genius who works alone. question your expectations; examine your biases; listen to patients properly; be aware of the realities of medical misogyny, racism, and ableism and never think yourself incapable of them; show your unpleasant patients as much compassion as your nice ones; be good to the nurses - they will save your bacon - and be just as good to the porters and the cleaners and the people who work in the morgue; stay educated; inform yourself about the actual experience of people who have, for example, been sectioned, or otherwise treated without respect by the medical system; leave your own problems at the door when you step onto the ward; don’t keep silent if you think one of your colleagues is dangerous; get a second opinion whenever you need to; accept that failure is inevitable; keep trying; recognise that nothing and nobody is ever simple.

treat them anyway.

so too in your life in fandom. never think that you alone have spotless interests, nor that your favourite characters are flawless. examine why tropes or interpretations of characters which allow them to be imperfect make you uncomfortable; examine your biases - is your slash heteronormative? is your portrayal of a non-white character stereotypical?; be nice to your commenters, and take as much as you can of what they say in good faith; remember that people writing fic are real and have complex motivations and experiences; regard it as your duty to confront portrayals of the violent and the cruel with as much compassion as you can; keep writing; recognise that nothing and nobody is ever simple.

write them anyway.

[trustfallwithgod]

Via Steward & Son

Day (Lost Count) - He didn’t catch me

I’ve had some atheists direct message or repost some of my content with rebuttals and cynicism. I had tried to respond to them but they weren’t accepting responses. So I guess, this post would make them glad. God did not catch me.

God might as well be a million miles away, I felt the devil and man’s evil more tangibly than I have felt Him. I guess this is just a longer way of saying Job’s famous “darkness is my friend” line 🤭. But I’m ok with all of that. He’s God and I am not.

What I’m not ok with is how my Father watched me get beaten and broken and then left me there and now someone’s thumb is in my wound pressing yet somehow I can minister, and even though I shouldn’t be able to pour from an empty cup, somehow, I still have something to give those who are needy and hurting. I am receiving grace somewhere that I can give to others. So there’s only one conclusion: God’s presence and Holy Spirit is undeniably with me.

I think this time, God has really killed me

So where does that leave me? I’m still doing essential work for the Lord but it appears His graces are for everyone else and not me.

This is where the Book of Job shines. You see, right now, I am focused on my performance when what God wants is relationship. In a long tradition of biblical figures like the older brother (in the story of the Prodigal Son) and Martha, the sister of Lazarus, I’ve been so focused on “doing the work of God” that I have not taken the time to be honest with Him like Job was and this has allowed the enemy to plant seeds of resentment.

Life is lived forward but only understood backwards

I absolutely love my Father but I cannot fathom His treatment of me and yet duty has compelled me to promote a brand of “feel good Christianity” (because I thought that I had to protect the feelings of those I minister to, completely forgetting that my role is only to evangelize and the “nurturing of the faith” work belongs to the Holy Spirit), completely ignoring the fact that in real relationships, fights happen. Parents and children argue and have disagreements. The enemy is the one attempting to nurture a garden of unhealthy “sugar daddy” expectations.

Look at Jonah, a lot can be said about Jonah but here’s a crucial verse that everyone misses in the Bible: Jonah was asleep in the storm (Jonah 1:1-6) just like Jesus was asleep in the storm (Mark 4:35-41). Jonah had faith in God’s goodness that he knew that if Nineveh repented, they would be spared but Jonah didn’t want that, he was disobedient to God’s plan for him however, Jonah offers himself to be a sacrifice to the sea knowing that it will calm the storm. The circumstances and context between Jesus and Jonah’s storm experiences may be very different but the outcome is similar, the storm calms. You can have faith and still struggle and chafe at the will of God or you can have faith and utter obedience.

This is where spiritual warfare begins to get terrifying: the closer you are to God, the more your own unworthiness is felt, making the battle a complex discernment process to separate your own thoughts from what the enemy is planting. Should you give up on God because you don’t recognize that He is walking with you along your own Emmaus Road? Or do you invite Him for dinner and then during the breaking of the bread, you realise that God was walking alongside you the whole time?

The disciples walking the Emmaus Road shared one very important thing with Job, they were brutally honest with God about their disappointments. Which brings me to another point: like any war, peace is hard fought. The difference is, this is a battle that Jesus fights, you only need to bring your sorrow, heart ache, disappointment and honesty to Him and in doing so, honour Him like you would your earthly fathers.

Really tell God how you feel and then like the Psalmist says in Psalm 143:8 “let dawn bring news of your faithful love”

Dedicated to Sharon Woo

[the-heart-of-a-monster]

I’ve been gone for so long but I have so much to say and idk how to say it so please be prepared for an absolute mess of an ask lol

First, I just really wanna give appreciation for Super Emeralds (The comic creator) and their dedication to THOAM. I’ve been on Tumblr for just a little more than a year at this point, and I only joined in the first place because of this comic. I got into it way back in… What was it, 2020?? 2021? And I fell in love immediately with the concept! Sonic feeling insecure about his new Werehog form? Chip being an active member of the team and a great friend?? TEAM DARK??? SONADOW DONE RIGHT?????????? Ohohoho! You can bet I was completely on board! I tried my best to comment on every page, because I just love giving positive feedback for things I enjoy, and took note of how Super Emeralds evolved their style as the years went on. I wasn’t there during the beginning, and I really wish I was, but the time I’ve spent following this fun little comic has made me feel so much appreciation not just for Super Emeralds as a person, but for the entire Sonic art community as a whole! Art is a creative endeavor, a passionate career, and sometimes it’s really hard to just. Draw. Comics are especially hard as I’ve discovered. So just… Good job to Super Emeralds for sticking around all these years and for giving us such an incredibly thought out and beloved series. And thank you.

…

ALRIGHT ENOUGH OF THAT MUSHY GUSHY STUFF AND LET’S TALK ABOUT THE BLUE BOY HIMSELF THAT IS NOW NO LONGER JUST BLUE MUAHAHAHAHASHEHEHEKEFHEOFHFFPWEHFLFHD

I’ve been a bit absent from Tumblr for the last few weeks due to sickness and lack of interest so I am undoubtedly missing a page or two from the equation but OH MY GOSH. POOR SONIC. Bro wakes up from like a 2-day long nap and the first thing he sees is his little brother screaming in his face at 3AM. He’s so confused haha! I noticed he isn’t as insecure or he isn’t really freaking out as much as I assumed he would way back during the exposition pages. This is obviously due to the confusion and whiplash after waking up as his “Normal” self again, but I feel like it’s just him putting on another fascade around his friends. To an extent, at least. He isn’t aware of the new pink markings all over his body and he isn’t aware of just how worried all his friends were. All he knows is that they know about his new form and they for some reason aren’t acting weird about it, so he’s likely just playing along to make sure nobody gets overly concerned. It just seems like something he’d do. Or maybe I’m just grasping at the angst straws, idk.

OMEGA IS FIXED BY THE WAY I DO NOT WISH TO GLOSS OVER THAT FACT. THE BOY IS BACK!! THE ROBO BOYO IS BACK!!! I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE ALL THE CRIMES HE’LL BE ABLE TO COMMIT ONCE TAILS GETS THOSE ROCKET LAUNCHERS WORKING AGAIN HEHEHEEE

Also let’s not gloss over how Omega doesn’t care that Sonic mauled him to death. Let’s not gloss over the fact that Omega clearly cares for the others because of his ignorance to Sonic’s rampage.

Yeah if you couldn’t already tell I’m a sucker for this kinda stuff-

Uhhhhh I don’t really have much else to say, honestly. Maybe I will later, but right now I’m on a time crunch so I gotta keep this all pretty concise. Thank you so so much for reading all the way through, I know this was a really really long one. And again, thanks to Super Emeralds for being able to last this long and not losing motivation for the comic. I know I would’ve given up after just 5 pages! (I actually tried to make a comic of sorts and I literally gave up after 5 pages I am not kidding.)

Aight I gotta go now bye bye!! 👋

ur gonna have a field day in 2-3 weeks depending on when u decide to go on rampage haha

[heykoonsy]

Word Count:  2.5k+

Pairing: Husk x Angel Dust (HuskerDust/AngelHusk), slight Angel Dust x OC

Summary: “Give him everything but your ass.” Angel Dust was tasked with one job: convince the investor to subsidize Valentino’s agency. Angel was more of a closer to Valentino, enticing the wealthier of his associates into funding projects for him. However, this latest pitch didn’t go as planned and Angel’s hubris prevented him from seeing the potential drawbacks of a one night stand with someone Valentino marked. In this slow burn love story, Angel must confront the worst parts of himself if he is going to win back his career.

Content Warnings: Rated 18+ for foul language, violence & threatening dialogue

Author's Note: Writing this chapter really helped me process leaving my last job. Quitting has been very rewarding, as I am now treated with the respect I always deserved. This chapter is dedicated to the ones that struggle to stand up for themselves; and I hope that you have the courage when you need it.

Husk tossed a few articles of laundry Angel’s way and he caught them effortlessly in the hamper he’d outstretched. Once they’d organized and collected all of the dirty laundry, it was time to get everything cleaned up again. Angel had a busy day today. But, first things first, he had to get himself right again. That meant clearing up his pigsty. 

“Thanks again for helpin’, Husky.” Angel cooed. 

Husk shrugged instead of responding. 

Angel smiled. Husk had been helping him recover over the last few days. Since he finally owned up to everything, he realized how much easier it was to breathe. It didn’t feel like he was in this alone anymore–like everything was on his shoulders. And it was partly his fault. His mind went to Cherri, who he’d been incredibly inconsistent with these last few weeks. She deserved so much more than a friend with one foot out the door–ready to ditch her the moment things got hard.

Angel got busy moving all of his things to the laundry room–dumping his clothing in the first available washer. Husk followed in behind him, carrying another load of laundry with him. Angel poured in some detergent and set the machine quickly. Husk mirrored his movements, grabbing the detergent once Angel was done with it. He smiled at him, two loads down.

Which meant that he needed to get out of here. 

Angel looked down at his phone as Husk set the machine. He opened his chat with Agony and typed out a message to him.

I want to talk, can we meet for coffee at the Cafe?

If Angel were honest, he wasn’t expecting a message back. Hell, Agony could have blocked him already–and Angel couldn’t blame him for it. He’d been a terrible friend to him. But, if Agony gave him the time of day, he would show him that he wasn’t going to let him down again.

“I did it. No telling if he’ll see it though.”

Husk nodded, “Give it time.”

Angel nodded, “Okay,” he said and put away his phone. “Well, I’m off. If I don’t get back in time–

“I’ll switch out the laundry,” Husk waved him off. “And walk Fat Nuggets.”

Angel smiled, “Make sure to give him plenty of treats today.”

Husk crossed his arms, “He gets plenty of treats everyday.”

With that, Angel left the laundry room and collected his purse from his room. He looked at Husk, who was walking down the hallway as he left his room. Husk nodded at him, and it renewed his confidence in a way. He could do this–he could fix what he broke.

Angel sat in the lobby, awkwardly clutching his purse at his side. He looked at the receptionist in front of him as he clacked away on a keyboard. Angel could tell that he was as surprised to see him here as Angel was to be here. Granted, it must have been awkward seeing as how the last time he was here…

“Angel,” came a stern voice from Angel’s right. 

Angel stood, his eyes immediately going to Tezan. “I was hopin’ that we could talk.”

Tezan didn’t beat around the bush–instead, he led Angel to a small conference room. In fact, it was the same one that he’d fired Mr. Jullien in a few weeks ago. Which made this all the more awkward.

Tezan beckoned Angel to sit down in the row of empty chairs in front of them. He took the first available one and Tezan took the one at the head of the table. They exchanged a look, and Angel gripped his purse.

“It’s too late,” Tezan said menacingly. 

Angel nodded, “I know. That’s not why I’m here.”

“Then why are you here?” Tezan asked, his voice laden with venom.

Angel cleared his throat, hoping that it might give him some much needed confidence. “I wanted to apologize.”

Tezan stayed quiet–and Angel hazarded a glance upwards. It looked like Tezan was absolutely bewildered. 

“Valentino was desperate for investors after Spitzers–and I tempted you into getting into bed with him despite knowing how terrible he is.”

Tezan didn’t know what to say, it seemed, because he remained quiet. Angel let everything settle for a moment. 

“I also wanted to address…how I went about…” Angel trailed off.

“Having me blacklisted?” Tezan finished for him, the venom returning to his voice.

“Yes,” Angel admitted. He took a moment to collect himself. “I blurred the lines of our relationship by flirtin’ with ya the way I did. I was playin’ a part for Val and used you. When you started comin’ to the studio all the time, I didn’t know how to tell you I wasn’t interested.”

Tezan sat with his words for quite some time. It seemed like an eternity passed between them in that small conference room.

“Is that all?” Tezan asked after a while. 

Angel nodded. “I know it doesn’t change anything that happened, but I wanted you to know.”

“So you say your piece and that’s it?”

Angel nodded, “Yeah, that’s it. If you wanna tell Valentino then I’m not gonna stand in your way.” Angel got up to leave.

Tezan stood from his chair. His body language changed. Where there was once stiff anger–there was now tottering wariness. Tezan seemed to have swallowed his bitter feelings. “I’m sorry that I made you uncomfortable,” Tezan said quietly. “I shouldn’t have said those things to you either–I let my pride get the better of me.”

Angel nodded in acknowledgement.

“It’s a shame,” Tezan said, hanging his head. 

Angel took a moment to read his expression. All he saw were eyes of regret.

Suddenly, Angel’s phone began ringing. He pulled it out of his purse and saw Jax’s name illuminating the screen. Angel looked over at Tezan and they shared a knowing glance. 

“I’m sorry–

“It’s okay,” Angel assured him, though he wasn’t sure why he did so.

As Angel exited the small conference room, he answered the call. 

“Hey Jax, what’s up?”

“Valentino would like to see you, he’s sending a vehicle to come collect you.”

“I’m at Jullien’s,” Angel said into the receiver.

“Understood,” Jax said and hung up promptly.

Angel Dust seemed to shrink as he walked towards Valentino’s office doors. He’d done so a thousand times before–each time seemed insignificant compared to this one. This time, he was genuinely terrified.

Before he left Mr. Jullien’s offices, Tezan mentioned to Angel that he’d called Valentino just before Angel checked in with the receptionist. He didn’t leave much to interpretation–choosing to tell Valentino every bit of information that he’d acquired. When he was standing out front with Tezan, Angel knew that he was stepping towards the gallows–but now that he was in front of them…

Without warning, Jax placed a hand on his shoulder. Angel didn’t shake off his hand, he only looked up at him curiously. 

“I can go in with you,” Jax said, his eyes looking into Angel’s.

Angel shook his head. “I’ll be okay,” Angel said reassuringly, though he wasn’t sure if he was trying to reassure himself or Jax. 

Angel swallowed hard as he gripped the handle of the door. The only way out, he thought to himself, is through. Before he could talk himself out of it, Angel thrust open the door. 

The first thing he saw was an ashtray hurtling towards him. Angel dodged it, and it smashed into pieces against the door where Angel’s head was seconds earlier. 

“You fucking whore!” Valentino screamed.

Angel stepped towards him, instead of running away, which is exactly what every bone in his body was telling him to do. 

“You know, it starts to lose it’s bite after a while,” Angel shrugged, referring to his choice of words. 

“You think you can make jokes!? After what I just heard!?”

Angel watched as he crossed from behind his desk to meet Angel face to face. Valentino got up close and personal, so close that Angel could feel his hot breath on his face. Angel looked up at him–into his eyes. He was glaring down at him, using his height as an advantage to intimidate him. 

“You and that investor thought you could fuck me over?”

Angel didn’t reply, simply choosing to let Valentino blow off steam. 

“I made you–you were nothing when you started working for me,” Val reminded him, like he forgot. “If you think you can make it in this business without me then you are mistaken.”

Angel let his threats slide right off of him.

“Got nothing to say?” Valentino grabbed his face in his hand, squeezing his cheeks together roughly. His claws dug into Angel's plush fur, and he blinked away a few stinging tears. 

“I should have done this sooner,” Angel said, every drop of malice in his body going straight into his words. 

Valentino threw him back into the door and Angel’s head smacked it hard. “I will destroy you and that pathetic investor,” Valentino threatened, getting in Angel’s face again. “You will be begging me to let you crawl back in here.”

Angel looked at him straight in the eyes. “I won’t be begging you for anything. I am done taking orders from you.”

“Oh, you think you’re better than this? Angel Baby, this business is all that you are. You are a whore, it doesn’t matter if you’re nominated for an award or not. All you’re good for is a fuck.” Valentino grabbed Angel by the shoulders and threw him back against the door again. 

Angel pushed him away, “If I wanted a wannabe-pimp’s opinion, I would ask!” 

Angel opened the door behind him and quickly went through it. He found himself on the other side, his eyes meeting Jax’s. Jax grabbed his hand and they took off running to the stairwell. Angel looked back, to where Valentino’s office door was just opening. The two of them ran down the stairs together, Jax in front and Angel tripping over himself in tow. 

When the two of them reached the bottom floor, Jax released Angel’s hand. He then opened the door for him once last time and let him walk out. Angel smiled at him–and then ran in the direction of the hotel.

Angel stumbled back into the hotel lobby feeling more weighed down than ever. He took a deep breath and looked over at the bar. He didn’t see Husk. Angel walked towards the stairwell, his first priority being his laundry. 

Once he entered the laundry room, he saw that all of his clothing and baskets were gone. He smiled and made his way towards his room next. When he opened the door, he saw that his laundry baskets were placed on his bed–his clothing was folded and ready to be put away. Since Fat Nuggets was nowhere in sight, that meant one thing. 

While Angel waited for Husk to return, he put away his laundry–taking extra care not to unfold his clothing. He could just imagine Husk fretting over tucking everything neatly–even rolling up his lacey panties. He knew he should have been embarrassed, but he wasn’t in the slightest. Just thinking of Husk blushing like a schoolgirl after seeing his unmentionables brought a smile to his face.

After Angel put away his last piece of laundry, he tossed his laundry baskets onto the floor. He sat on his bed and waited for Husk–who was just down the hallway. He could tell because Fat Nuggets’ hooves were going a mile a minute towards the door. Husk opened the door quickly and Fat Nuggets jumped up on Angel. 

“Did you have fun?” Angel asked Fat Nuggets, giving him fat kisses.

“Bess and Belise said ‘hi’,” Husk said gruffly.

“I thought they were dead to you,” Angel smirked. 

Husk shrugged, “How did everything go?”

Angel let Fat Nuggets rest on his lap as he continued petting him. “I got blacklisted,” Angel said with a small smile as he looked down at his piggy.

Husk made a noise in the back of his throat. “You gonna be okay?”

Angel looked up at him, “You’re looking at the Angel Dust. I’ll have another job in no time.”

Husk chuckled wryly. “Worse comes to worse, you can always bartend.”

Angel laughed, “You’ll recommend me to Al?”

Husk got down on his knees, his hands going to pet Fat Nuggets as well. “You make a mean Manhattan,” he said nonchalantly. 

Angel watched as Husk pet Nugs, his hands paying extra attention to his ears. For a moment, all Angel could do was watch as Husk’s eyes stayed focused on his task. Then, Angel felt Husk’s gaze rise, watching as his eyes met his own. Husk let his hands fall on either side of Angel’s thighs–his palms brushing against his clothing.

“You think so?” Angel asked, his eyes moving from Husk’s to trace his lips. 

“It was the best I’ve ever had,” Husk admitted, not looking away from Angel’s face for a moment. 

Angel wasn’t sure what made his cheeks flush–the compliment or the implication of what Husk said to him. Angel wanted to say something–make a dumb joke or ask him if he was saying what Angel thought he was saying. But nothing came out. Instead, all he could do was sit there, pride welling in his chest. 

“You hear me, kid?” Husk asked after a minute. “Cuz I won’t say it again.”

Angel beamed, “Sayin’ it one more time wouldn’t kill you.”

Husk let his face drop into a scowl. His hands stopped petting Fat Nuggets which made him get all huffy.

Angel laughed, “I was jokin’.” Angel set Fat Nuggets beside them on the bed, “I heard ya, Husky.”

Husk smiled, his hand slowly moving upwards to caress Angel’s face. Once he made contact with his soft fluff, Angel leaned into the touch. He closed his eyes for a moment, savoring Husk’s gentle touch juxtaposed to Valentino’s rough one. When Angel opened his eyes, he saw that Husk wasn’t meeting his gaze, instead he was looking lower. 

“Good,” Husk said absentmindedly, his face getting closer. Judging by his pace, it seemed that he was giving Angel enough time to turn his head.

But that wasn’t going to happen.

Angel moved his right hand so that they were interlocking fingers on the bed. With his left, he held Husk’s hand in place on his cheek. His bottom set of hands rested on Husk’s shoulders, pulling him closer so Angel could press their foreheads together. 

Husk took that as an invitation, so he quickly closed any remaining distance–

Angel jolted when he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He looked at Husk, who released Angel quickly. He leaned forward into Husk and grabbed his phone from behind him. Wanting them to remain close, Angel kept his lower set of hands on Husk’s shoulders. He unlocked his phone and scrolled down so that he could see his notifications. 

There was a message from Agony.

“Holy fuck,” Angel said, mouth agape. 

“What is it?”

“Agony agreed to meet me,” Angel said breathlessly, showing Husk his phone.

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[rexxdjarin]

(I’m not the anon who sent you hate about Mari!)

I really do mean this in the nicest way possible. This is not intended to insult or belittle you or your writing style at all. I just want to maybe help clear up what some people might find “problematic” about Mari (but the hate anon obviously did a poor job of voicing their complaints because it was very destructive criticism rather than constructive criticism).

I think the misconceptions about Mari stem from the fact that the majority of scenes in both Captain’s Log and Unwritten (I have read both many times) are just smut and lack a true emotional connection between Rex and Mari beyond being physical. That gives off the vibe that their relationship is only rooted in sex and that it’s the only saving grace of the relationship. Sex and love can be mutually exclusive. I understand wanting to write a sexually-liberated female character, because society severely represses women of their sexuality, but sometimes I feel like Rex and Mari are only together because of their physical attraction to one another. Additionally, there is major emphasis on Mari’s beauty from every single character (other than Rex): Shaeeah Lawquane, Omega, Wrecker, Gregor, Echo, Fives, Wolffe...the list goes on. None of her other personality traits are really complimented, just her looks. That might be problematic to some people because it fails to look at Mari as a whole person. Expanding on her intelligence, empathy, and fearlessness in both stories might help counterbalance her seductive nature while not discounting it.

Also, you reblog posts that include details about Rex and Mari’s relationship in the tags, and that’s the only tell about how Mari helps the clones. The audience doesn’t see that in the actual stories because there’s no explicit subplot that shows Mari helping Padmé in the Senate during the Clone Wars. So for those who only read the story, they wouldn’t know Mari’s political background with Padmé, other than an offhand mention of it.

Again, this is no hate toward you. I’m just trying to help elucidate the arguments against Mari. You’re an amazing writer and I admire you so much for your dedication and passion for your stories! I sincerely hope this doesn’t hurt your feelings because that isn’t what I intended at all. I’m open to hearing what your response to these claims, in case I missed something in both stories; you’re the expert!

I don’t even know what to say to any of this. Because despite literally every single thing I’ve put into this story, as much emotion as I can possibly put into the subject matter, I still have people saying and believing this.

Like first of all, Unwritten isn’t finished. I am only 3 chapters in. I have not gotten to explain any of the times she has done things and will do to help the clones politically socially etc. I literally haven’t written them yet.

Captain’s Log started as a reader, so a lot of the things I attribute to Mari weren’t initially in that story because it didn’t start out as being an OC story.

At the end of the day, I feel like I’ve put so many conversations and situations between the two of them that are so much bigger than just sexual stuff.

I’m just writing my stories the best way I can. To sit here and try this hard to dissect my characters and my story is incredibly hurtful. We’re all just here writing stories for fun on the internet. I feel like lately people on here are trying so hard to make me feel like I’m not allowed to do that.

I haven’t written or published anything in so long. I have had a miserable and extremely difficult year as it is which has made writing the stories I love basically impossible. I was really excited to try to get back to my stories. Receiving messages like this from you and others really doesn’t make me want to continue.

“I hope this doesn’t hurt your feelings” while simultaneously calling for me to somehow defend my response to these claims….like wow. Idk how anyone would take this any other way but to be really hurt by it.

So thanks for this. Really made me feel awesome.

[coolprincessworld]

How I stay motivated through College

Of course it can be hard staying motivated through college, especially when those midterms come by and finals being around the corner but that doesn’t mean you should dread college. In fact you should remain motivated and I’m going to explain exactly how to do that! College only gets draining if you allow it to. The truth is you can make college feel like the best part about your day. There’s several ways to start this journey, but it’s not difficult. When I first started college I came into it with the same mindset as almost everyone else, however that changed fairly quickly. Here’s a set of things that I started to do to start romanticizing, staying motivated, and loving college!

 I started to realize that I focused a lot better when I had a neat and tidy place to study at, whether that was at my local coffee shop, or on my desk (after I cleaned it). This makes me feel more productive and motivated overall. Now I know that when we take several classes we think we have no time left in our days, but one thing that has changed my life is setting goals for myself & creating a schedule, whether that’s on the notes app, or in my planner. I keep a digital planner and a paper planner on me at all times and this helps me check things off my to-do lists, trust me when I tell you it’s the BEST feeling ever physically crossing out a task you needed to get done. Although we may feel super overwhelmed with the amount of homework we may get sometimes, it's very important to TAKE BREAKS. Don’t burn yourself out because that’ll only lead you to dreading anything school related. One thing that I focus on when I have lengthy assignments is taking breathing breaks. Now I know this may sound silly but trust me when I say it’s a game changer, stopping for 5 minutes won’t put you too behind, if anything it’s better to take breaks in between. With this being said, it’s important to celebrate your accomplishments! Believe me when I tell you that any accomplishment is a win, and should be celebrated. After any accomplishment I want you to remind yourself that you did it and give yourself a pat on the back. No one will ever be as excited for your own accomplishments more than yourself (I know we all feel excited about little accomplishments in our minds, so why not express them out loud)! Next thing I wanted to note is dress up. I am a strong believer of looking good, feeling good! Don't let the fear of being the only one dressing up for school stop you, I promise no one will care and it’ll benefit you the most! Buy a cute/fresh outfit, do your hair, decorate your bag, etc. This is probably one of my favorite things about college, going back to school shopping and getting new things (yes it keeps me going)! Lastly, focus on your “why”. Remind yourself why you're here and why you're dedicated to finish school. Manifest that dream job that you WILL get after college, and remind yourself that getting up to go to school in the morning is all for a bigger purpose in your life. You’re doing this for a reason, and you’re going to be a rockstar in any career path that you choose!

[saturnisfallingdown]

don’t watch good omens and i’m not planning to but i’m nosy: what’s coffee theory

IM SO GLAD YOU ASKED !!!!!! IM GOING TO TALK FOR A VERY LONG TIME NOW!! thank you so much nora welcome to my cave!! its homey in here. we talk about bbc prime video series good omens.

So for the Context: as im sure youve seen if youve ever glimpsed a gifset in the past week, Good Omens season 2 ends with a big tragic decision. Aziraphale meets with Metatron, a bigwig in heaven. Metatron tells him about how due to Plot Reasons, they need a new supreme archangel in heaven, and Aziraphale is the perfect fit for the role. Local demon best friend Crowley confesses his love and tells Aziraphale about how he wants them to run off together and leave heaven and hell behind, but Aziraphale is incredibly set on using a powerful position in heaven to do some real good. Crowley is offered the chance to join him, but Crowley stays on earth while Aziraphale goes up to superheaven. This causes the big tragic break-up between the two of them you've seen giffed one billion times.

Now onto the theory itself. The important thing to note about Aziraphale's conversation with Metatron is the, you guessed it, coffee!! Metatron, in human disguise, picks up a latte with almond syrup from the shop across from Aziraphale's place. Before he gives Aziraphale the job offer, Metatron gives him the coffee and insists he drink it in front of him.

The "Coffee Theory" is this: Metatron in some way (the method is disputed) spiked the coffee, and whatever was done to it affected Aziraphale's mindset in order to get him to leave behind Crowley. Some kind of a magic angelic brainwashing potion.

The theory sprung up for two reasons, the first being that the coffee is focused on a weird amount. Metatron asks Aziraphale to drink it in front of him, an entire scene is dedicated to it being purchased, it's a whole thing. The second, really big reason, is that people didn't think the ending of the season made sense. This is to say, Aziraphale choosing the bureaucracy of heaven over his best friend of 6000 years. Many claimed it was "out of character" for him, and thought another force might have been behind his actions.

So yeah, that's the coffee theory. It's been a biig source of debate in the fandom recently, and therefore many people still swear by it!!

But with the facts and logic presented, we may briefly enter the opinion zone! This is all my measly two cents. This being said however: I am not a coffee theory bitch!!!!!!!!

I am someone who grew up in a very shitty church, had a lot of my decisions influenced by it, and I think Aziraphale's actions made perfect sense!!! I think it was entirely in character! Aziraphale's entire character, as we've seen it throughout thousands of years, holds so much hope in heaven! Even if he sees himself as separate from it, it's clear he still thinks of heaven as a tool to do good, simply led by bad people. He doesn't see the inherent flaws in the system like Crowley and the audience do. I think it's a totally logical leap for his character dedicate himself to doing, what he thinks, is undeniable good through heaven! He thinks he can fix it, and that's worth leaving behind the person he loves most! That's incredibly strong character writing, and to chalk it up to a magic mind control potion and actually aziraphale wouldve totally left heaven if he wasn't drugged just. removes so much of that impact!!

[caddeter]

A few months, I made a post talking about how the ‘planned from the beginning’ excuse the RWBY FNDM loves to use makes no sense.  I got into a very brief argument with @crimsonxe before deleting the post and apologizing for writing it out of anger.

I am now taking that apology back, because the RWBY FNDM has repeatedly proven it deserves no form of respect no matter how small or basic.

I was hoping to rewrite the post using the other user’s replies, but unfortunately I couldn’t find them in my email trash bin.  So I’m going to be rewriting it based on memory.

One of the points I made was that, in Volume 3, there was a short scene where Penny expressed a desire to stay at Beacon, specifically saying that she ‘had an idea.’ The person who responded to me said that this idea didn’t ‘go nowhere’ because Penny dies at the end of the Volume

...  Bitch, that’s why it goes nowhere.

It’s like saying the ending of Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom where dinosaurs are now loose on the mainland wasn’t completely ignored by the next film because Dominion was all about an evil corporation trying to kill competitor crops with a swarm of prehistoric locus.  It doesn’t change the fact that Fallen Kingdom’s ending was very clearly setting up a different story.

Or that the Pokemon anime didn’t drop the golden Pokeball plotline because it was delivered to Professor Oak and we never learn what it was about.

They also said that all that really mattered to Silver Eyes was that the Grimm are afraid of them, and it’s perfectly okay that CRWBY didn’t figure out why until Volume 3

That’s like saying it would have been perfectly fine if Avatar The Last Airbender took three seasons to figure out what an Avatar is.

Ruby’s Silver Eyes are strongly implied to be the reason Ozpin let her into Beacon.  If I’m expected to believe they’re important, why the fuck wouldn’t you figure out what they do first thing.

A plothole is when there is a hole in your plot’s internal logic.  How are you supposed to avoid plotholes if not even you know what’s going on?

Another point they made was that the writers figuring out their worldbuilding before they start the story or where they want the plot to go is them ‘doing me a favor’

As I said in the original post:  No, that is the writers doing their JOBS!

Let me put it to you this way:  Imagine you go into a restaurant and order a cheeseburger:

Do you expect that burger to be cooked?

Do you expect it to have a bun?

Do you expect a plate or a tray to carry it with?

Do you expect the restaurant to have tables you can sit at?

Do you expect the floors to be clean with a wet floor sign warning you of when it’s slippery?

Saying that the writers are ‘doing me a favor’ when they figure out where they want their story to go or how their magic systems work or what their world is like is like saying that one manager I had was ‘doing me a favor’ every time he came in half an hour late rather than miss have his shift like that one time.  That’s not doing a favor, that’s doing the least they could.

Doing me a favor is when Ben 10 throws in nods to fan opinions and responses in their show as quick little gags without mocking the people who hold those thoughts.

It’s when William Hartnell, the actor who played the First Doctor, kept track of what every button and switch on the TARDIS console did because he wanted to make sure he never used the wrong one because he feared viewers would notice.

It’s when Arkhane Studios defines the world of Dishonored down to the calendar.

It’s when the Ink Tank makes And Beyond, a series dedicated the the culture and societies of each of Ben’s aliens.

It’s when Linkara, GOAT he is, makes an entire, full length analog-horror movie as an April Fools joke.

Doing the audience a favor is going the extra mile.  It is not figuring out your plot points the moment they become relevant.  If that’s what you define as good writer, than please, do tell me, what’s bad writing?  If your standards are this low, then what would you consider a bad story?

They also claimed that I was wrong to make such criticisms of RWBY because Miles Luna is just a human being

I could make an entire post detailing how ‘people make mistakes’ is a terrible way to counter criticism (and in fact, I did), but instead, I’ll just leave you with a choice quote that describes one of the biggest problems with it:

There are writers and directors out there who put painstaking efforts into their stories to make sure everything is as concise and logical as possible. There are also writers and directors who don't put in those efforts at all. If inconsistencies in plot and character action "don't matter at all", then how can you even appreciate those efforts made by filmmakers who legitimately care? You're not just delegitimizing those who discuss their films. You're delegitimizing the filmmakers themselves. You're saying there's no difference between a lazy script littered with inconsistencies versus a thoroughly researched, laid-out, thoughtful script that made every effort they possibly could to make the story, characters, and universe as consistent and believable as possible. That's just nonsense and it's upsetting that you refuse to see any value whatsoever in filmmakers who put those extra efforts into their work.

Adam from YourMovieSucks.org, a professional movie critic.

They also said that they, as a writer, have reworked entire timelines because they came up with one new character

First of all, what you describing here is the planning process.  It’s revise then release, not the other way around.

Second of all, real nice anecdotal evidence you have there.  Wanna hear some of mine?  I wrote up history and culture for vampires and werewolves, notes detailing my own soft magic system, and worldbuilt an entire underwater society down to the clock for fun.  At that point, it shouldn’t feel like I’m asking the writers to reverse the Earth’s rotation when I expect them to figure out why Ruby’s Silver Eyes are special or how Magic works.

Another one of their ridiculous claims was that foreshadowing could ruin a show’s mysteries

Dumbass, mysteries are where you need foreshadowing the most.  Ask any established mystery writer, they’ll all tell you the same thing:  The best practice is to figure out the ending first and work your way backwards.  It requires thought and care to make sure the ending is satisfying and the journey to it is enjoyable and engaging.

Even if the audience figures out where the story is going, that just means their paying attention and are invested enough to think about the story.  And last I checked, the audience being invested in your story is a good thing.  Take it from me, I have a very strong idea for where Slime Rancher 2′s story is going, and I would be elated when it turns out I’m right.

If the only quality your story has is that it’s ending is ‘a surprising twist,’ then that just shows how shallow the rest of the story is.

Edit:  Linkara has a quote that perfectly explains why this idea is stupid:  “Of course we can’t [solve the mysteries].  It’s not really a mystery.  It’s you guys making up random contrivances to resolve each new cliffhanger.”

The last thing they user did was perpetuate the conspiracy theory that the RWDE tag was created to somehow destroy RWBY and Rooster Teeth while also saying the show doesn’t need defending from us as they defended it.

Ah, yes, because criticizing something is such a threat to it and the people who make it.  Just look at what happened with Twilight.  That series became the laughing stock of the internet, and then it...  Kept going.

Or what about Sword Art Online.  Mocking it became ingrained in the anime community, and then it...  Kept going.

Or Sonic The Hedgehog.  That series has a bad game every other release, and then it...  Kept going.  And each time it actually listens to the feedback it gets and tries to fix the problems people had.

Criticism is not a threat to a piece of media or the people who made it.  If anything, we’re doing RT a favor by criticizing RWBY.

But even then, let’s pretend, for just a moment, that there somehow was a conspiracy to destroy RWBY and Rooster Teeth for whatever reason.  Do you know what our EEVIIIILLL plan would be?  It’d be a simple two steps:

Step 1: Sit back

Step 2: Watch

Anything we could say or do to Rooster Teeth wouldn’t be nearly as bad as what they do to themselves.  Or do you think all those ex-employees reporting workplace discrimination and crunch culture so terrible it caused PTSD are in on it too?  We aren’t the ones trying to destroy Rooster Teeth.  Rooster Teeth is the one trying to destroy Rooster Teeth.

And even if that wasn’t true, why would an easily blockable tumblr tag be any threat to them?  We say this about a hundred times a day, but the entire point of the tag is for the FNDM to blacklist it so that they don’t see criticism.

And just to articulate how easy it is to blacklist a tag on this website:  I figured out how to do that all on my own and I can’t find my blocklist.  If that’s not good enough for you people, then what do you want us to do, go to an entirely different website?  Yeah, like that would stop you from complaining about us.

Furthermore, out of all the series in all the media in all the world to try and destroy, why do you think we would target a low profile web animation from a company that’s only really popular in machinima?  Don’t you think a more high-profile franchise would get this treatment?  Like Star Wars?

They probably said some more dumbass claims, but these are all I can remember.

[esta-elavaris]

Flufftober Day 17: Encouraging Someone to Achieve a Goal [1,142 words]

My Flufftober '23 masterpost can be found here 💜✨

I do have a main fic for these two in the very early stages, but it's currently on a break while I finish up some other things - but I'll definitely return to it eventually.

Anyway, throwing all of my insecure artist angst into this one, lads.

Fiona threw down her pencil and sighed heavily, burying her face in her hands and not caring if it ended up streaked with grey thanks to the action.

“Hurdle?” Eddie’s voice sounded somewhere from the bed behind her.

They’d long since taken to spending a lot of their time here, in her studio apartment – where they couldn’t be interrupted, nor often found at all. He’d been lounging on her bed for some time, and after a certain length of quiet she’d quietly assumed he’d dozed off and thought little more of it. Apparently she’d been wrong.

“More of a roadblock,” she replied sourly, voice muffled by her palms. “Surrounded by lots of yellow tape reading danger do not cross, land mines, all of that sort of thing. Maybe an armed guard or two. Orcs, I think. Uruks. Great big ones. Covered in blood. Occasionally, they laugh and call me a dumb bitch. It’s a whole thing.”

Had he laughed, despite the fact that she’d purposely riddled her words with a touch of the ridiculous, she wouldn’t felt worse. And maybe he knew that, because he didn’t. The bed creaked as he got out of it, feet padded against the floor, and then there was warmth at her right side as he leaned over her to peer at the sketch that was sending her around the bend.

“Why don’t you like it?” he asked quietly.

Once again, knowing the right thing to say. The bastard. Because any exclamation of it’s fine, or there’s nothing wrong with it, or you’re being dramatic would make her feel even more ridiculous than she already did.

Although she was doing a pretty decent job at making herself feel ridiculous, grumbling in response – although finally lowering her hands as she did so, just so she could scowl at the paper before her.

“It’s like every other crap, mediocre thing I’ve ever drawn.”

“Ah. One of those nights?” he asked knowingly, leaning down so he could rest his chin atop her shoulder.

“I mean it, Eddie,” she insisted. “What am I thinking? What was I thinking? Art school? Like that’s not a direct path to living hand to mouth for the rest of your life. I have no…no back-up plan. No other bloody skills. Nowhere to go when this shit inevitably doesn’t work out.”

“You’re good. Real fucking good. Best artist I know.”

“That’s not enough,” she shook her head.

“You’ve got the dedication. God knows you’ve got the work ethic.”

He remained close, a ring-clad hand settling down atop her waist.

“That might not be enough either.”

“What would be, then?”

“Luck. Fate. That…that it thing, that all the people who make it have. The shit people know when they see, but can’t really explain. You have it.”

As she shrugged, his chin remained firmly planted at her shoulder despite how her action jostled it. When she was done, though, he pulled back only enough to wheel her chair back with him, spinning it around so she faced him and ignoring how it creaked in protest.

“So do you! You have all of that, babe. Luck? Luck is shit. Luck is what the naysayers who gave up on their own shit call it when the people who didn’t succeed, so they can feel better about the path they chose.”

“But what if nobody else sees it, Eddie?” she gestured wildly, too lost in the spiralling panic to care if she sounded ridiculous. “I can do everything I can to make this work, I can ignore that gross, pitying look people who don’t matter give when you tell them you’re an artist – the one that’s all ‘oh, sweetheart, you’re too old to still cling to a dream like that’ because fuck them, but if the people who do matter see my shit and decide it’s not for them, I’m- I’m fucked. And what then?”

“Then you give them the finger and you keep going for it,” he said like it was obvious, eyeing her with no less fiery fondness than he usually did for how damn hysterical she knew she was being.

“And if it doesn’t work out?”

“It will.”

“If it doesn’t, Eddie?” she leaned forward. “If I end up…if I end up some- some unemployable sixty-year-old woman who can’t afford her phone bill because she poured everything into delusion and ended up with no other skill to offer?”

“Better than being a sixty-year-old in a job she hates wondering if she could’ve had it all doing what she loved if only she’d tried,” he said without hesitation. “I know you, Fi. You’d be ten times happier scraping to get by doing what you love than you’d be living like a queen with a job that has you dreading the alarm going off in the morning. You’re doing it now, neither of us exactly lives like royalty – is it so bad?”

His hand rested on her shoulders then, impressing the full weight of his words on her.

 “It’s not bad at all,” she said, honestly and without hesitation.

“So…worst case scenario…more of this. Could be a hell of a lot worse. You can’t view the other path as a surefire win, either, because who’s to say it’d work out? You can get fired from a shitty job you hate just as much as you can fail doing something you love. If anything, it’s probably more likely. So what’s the point?”

The tension left her – a slow sort of unfurling working its way across her body, her chin lifting, her shoulders loosening up, and her jaw unclenching one after the other. Eddie grinned.

 “It’s…” he paused and leaned in close so he could reach and turn the little alarm clock on her desk towards his gaze, “two in the morning. Which means it’s around four hours after the cut-off point where you can start trusting your opinions on the trajectory of your whole life.”  

“I know,” she sighed.

“But,” he cut in with a little grin, “what I’m about to say is a fact, not an opinion, so it’s fine – right?”

He paused then, dark eyes fixed on hers as he made sure she was about to hear, really hear, every single word he was about to say. Whatever he saw looking back at him was good enough for his liking, and he continued.

“Me n’ you are gonna take this world by storm. You hear me? Real power couple shit. They won’t know what hit ‘em. And we’re gonna do it together. Yeah?”

“Do you never doubt?” she asked fondly.

Eddie grinned – that wide, brilliant grin that lit up his face, the room, and the world they were about to take by storm – and then he answered, leaning in so they were almost nose-to-nose.

“Us? Never.”

Links: AO3 -- FF.net -- flufftober masterpost -- dividers by cafekitsune

[niigata-division]

Seiji's Thoughts on Ueno Division

Aranai Norikoru

“Due to my position as Chief of Police, I am rarely in the field. So I have yet to meet the girl who has caused police all over the country so much trouble.” Seiji raised his eyebrow at the photo of the pink-haired biker. “However it's not because of my work as an officer that I know of her. No. The reason I am aware of her is because of my wife Kirimi. As the former leader of a bōsōzoku gang herself, I was not surprised that she thought that Norikoru was an absolute riot.” Seiji sighed. “I swear if Kirimi had not met her…untimely death she would have personally challenged this girl to a street race.” 

Shisuta Heisha

“I’m not as acquainted with Heisha-san as much as Ayumu is but from what I’ve been able to tell she is quite friendly and kind. I can see why Ayumu likes her so much. The complete opposite from…her.” A faint smirk formed on Seiji’s face. “Ayumu thinks he’s hidden away how he feels about her but when you've known someone for over thirty years there isn't much you can hide. Anyway, I keep telling him to ask her on a date but Ayumu can be quite stubborn when he wants to be. I can’t say I blame him he's still recovering from the damage that witch he calls an ex-wife gave him.” 

Kisouna Yuzairu

“I've worked with Yuzairu-san a few times over the years. I greatly admire her dedication to her job and it's something I respect very much about her. I also sympathize with her in the fact that losing a loved one is never easy.” Seiji pauses. “Although I worry over the fact that she will work herself to an early grave. I know I can't say much on that end god knows how many times Ayumu has had to drag me away from my work to rest. However, I am truly glad to have a trustworthy face in this tournament which only seems to bring the worst of the worst out of the woodwork.” 

Sakurai Clan

“Although by the rules of the tournament, we should be rivals, Valor Guard and Sakurai Clan have temporally formed an alliance despite their leader's complaints. Should we battle I hope that we will not let each other’s words affect us. I wish the ladies of Ueno luck and may the best team win.” 

“So it begins. Our entry into the Division Rap Battles.” Seiji sighs. “I was set to decline Wataru’s ask for a favor but now I'm close to having my questions answered and I intend to see it through.”

[the-himawari-otome]

B’s-LOG September 2023 - Utakata no Uchronia Character Interview Translation [Awayuki]

What kind of mansion is the main character living in?

Awayuki: The mansion of the princess I serve is a quite a new building for a family with such a long history. It was rebuilt when it burned down 10 years ago. I make sure to keep it clean, including the rooms that are currently not in use. Besides taking care of my master’s personal needs, it is my job to ensure her comfort from assisting her in her official duties to managing the residence.

Although there are more servants than just me now, I try to do as much as possible for the princess myself. One thing I do is manage the food, and I pay particular attention to the ingredients. There are times when I shut myself in the kitchen for the princess who makes requests, saying she wants to eat this or that. But I don't mind at all. I want her to only eat foods that are good for her health.

Q&A - Awayuki and Hinagiku

Q1: What kind of person is the other?

Hinagiku: He has always been devoting himself to my family and I for a long time now. He even coordinates the other servants. He can truly to anything, so I tend to rely on him... He cooks delicious meals everyday, and he’s also skilled at sewing since he’s good with his hands. Moreover, he likes things clean, so he always keeps the house nice and tidy.

Awayuki: Ever since her parents passed away, she has taken over her family estate with the help of her guardian. For better or for worse, she’s full of curiosity. Despite being a noble, she enjoys strolling around town and chatting with the commoners. She’s more nosy than kind, and she can’t lie to save her life. All of her thoughts show on her face...  I’ve been with her for such a long time, so I might be the only one who knows that.

Q2: What do you like and think is wonderful about the other person?

Hinagiku: He listens to everything I say... is what I’d like to say. But he doesn’t give me what I want and he scolds me for doing things that I shouldn’t do quite often. I know he’s strict for my sake though. And besides, if I truly beg him for something, then he usually gives in. All things considered, Awayuki is sweet to me. 

Awayuki: Let me think... The fact she never refuses to try food she might dislike, and when she does have something she likes, it shows clearly on her face? I also think it’s cute that she makes all sorts of expressions as she reads popular novels. She works diligently everyday, and it’s impressive that she’s always bright and rarely catches colds. Well, even if she was someone who was full of flaws, there’s no way I would ever dislike her.

Q3: What do you dislike about and wish the other person would change?

Hinagiku: I’m a little worried that he’s too much of a workaholic. Work is the only thing on his mind from morning until night. While I appreciate his dedication as my servant, I think it might be better if he had more hobbies.

Awayuki: There’s nothing in particular. If she is living as she pleases, then that’s all... Ah, no. It’s not good that she wants to do everything herself. I am her servant, so it will trouble me if she doesn’t make more use of me. I even do her hair for her every morning... there’s no need for her to lift anything heavier than chopsticks, isn’t that right?

Q4: What do you think about the other person?

Hinagiku: He’s my servant, but he’s my family. I suppose he’s someone who will always be by my side no matter what. We’re always together, so I can generally tell what he’s thinking even if he doesn’t say a word.

It seems I’ll always be a small child in his eyes no matter how much time passes... but I hope I can be recognized as a splendid head of the household soon.

Awayuki: She is my one and only master. The one to whom I should dedicate my all. Her words are more important to me than Lord Taiju’s.

I’ll die if she tells me to die... Wait, no. That won’t do. I’m too worried to take my eyes off of her, so I can’t die even if I wanted to. My princess is helpless without me. You can see that, can’t you? I must stay by her side and take care of her, always.

Lastly, please give a message to the main character!

Awayuki: I think it's admirable that you're working hard every day to be a splendid head of the house. But you only just became an adult, so it's natural that there are things that you can't do. You don’t have to force yourself beyond your limits.

Oh right. Would you like to have milk agar jelly as your snack tomorrow? I already have some syrup-soaked fruit, so I’ll prepare it tonight.

---

[DO NOT USE OR REPOST MY WORK W/O PERMISSION, THANK YOU]

[pink-bird-30]

Titans 4x09

SPOILERS AHEAD

READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!!

The fact we got an entire episode dedicated to Garfield Logan has me screeching into the void.  Beast Boy has deserved his flowers for a long time and I am super proud of Ryan for standing his ground and making it a priority that Gar’s story was told.

Alright, let’s get into the thick of it!

First off, we start the episode off with a 10 year old version of Gar.  When I tell you the motherly instincts within me(which are cat mom instincts) wanted to reach into my tv and give that baby a hug…I- fuck whoever made him cry (which we alllll know who did…)

 I also liked the small touch of the Central City mention- “Central City Zoo” 

When Gar wakes up, his reaction is what I needed from the other Titans when they woke up after Sebastian’s attack.  Right away he was wondering where they were, where he was, and what happened. Gar is always asking the right questions.  

I was really excited to see Freedom Beast and how they would tell his story.  I think they did a great job talking about his background and how his powers work and where they originate from.  Seeing the bat lion hybrid was insane.

“One with all beasts”

“I am your freedom”

I just really enjoyed how Freedom Beast was teaching Gar about himself and how to be free and accept the Red. There has been a lot of time spent with Rachel’s development, Dick’s redemption, and Kori’s acceptance of her destiny.  But along the way, we forgot about Gar and that wasn’t fair to him.  Hell, we even got an entire season of Jason before we got a single episode focused on Gar.

“Our shared grief fuels us”

There are a lot of great quotes from Titans, but this is top of the list for me.  Freedom Beast was able to connect with Gar on a different level that I don’t think other people have even tried to on the show.  Yes, he and Raven have a close bond, and Kori has always done the best by him, but there was something about Gar’s entire interaction with Freedom Beast that gave Gar purpose outside of the Titans.  For so long Gar has been part of two different teams, but has he ever taken the time to get to know himself and his abilities? 

In the midst of this, Gar keeps saying, “I need to get back to my friends” my heart was breaking for him.  All I can think of in 4x07 and 4x08 is how little Gar was mentioned.  Their concern did not reach the levels that Gar’s did when he woke up alone.  Every other word from his mouth was asking where his friends were, when he can get back to them, that his family needs him.  This hurt and I hope the Titans appreciate him a little more when they do meet up again.

 I thought it was pretty cool how Freedom Beast explained how all those connected to the red share a bond and then name drop of Vixen!  That was a big moment for me.  I haven’t thought of Vixen since my Legends of Tomorrow days…god I miss that show…

I love even in serious situations, Gar can find the humor in them.  Especially when Freedom Beast hands him the vile to drink, he says a quote that is a great nod to Alice in Wonderland.

Gar tripping was not what I was expecting from that scene, and I can only imagine the absolute fun Ryan must’ve had while filming this scene.  The multiple different versions of Gar tripping was hysterical.

While on his trip, we see Gar interact with Rachel and Jinx.  I was expecting Raven to be someone he saw, but this is not how I expected to see Jinx again this season.

Now for that fight scene:

Gar turned not into 1

not 2

but THREE FRIGGIN ANIMALS?!?!?!?!??!?!? 

IT TOOK 4 SEASONS BUT WE FINALLY GOT A GREAT FIGHT SCENE WITH GAR TRANSFORMING MID FIGHT.

We dreamed to see Gar change while fighting, and it finally happened and I’m so excited that it was  amazing.  Whoever choreographed that fight deserves an Oscar, bravo!

I knew Freedom Beast had great power, but seeing him merge the doctor into the monkey…I- that was terrifying.

Freedom Beast casually dropping both of Gar alias’ “Beast Boy, Changeling” we ate so good this episode, my god.

“Protecting the red is your destiny” 

There is a wholeeeeee lot of destiny being thrown around this season, but hey, I’m all for it if it means my Titans are content in life and no one dies an unnecessary death.

The entire scene when Gar finally gives into the red was really cool.  We saw so many cool easter eggs that I got whiplash.

Shazam

The Flash

Grant Morrison

Stargirl

Listen, I am a grown woman, but seeing Courtney Whitmore grace my screen after saying goodbye a few months ago, I’m tearing up while writing this.  Her interaction with Gar was brief, and I’m not sure how a real crossover between these shows would have panned out, but maybe I’ll write a fic about it?(winks) But regardless, the short interaction alone really solidified how much family means to Gar and Courtney, especially when it comes to your found family.

The second time we are in the red, the easter eggs get even crazier

Swamp Thing

Joker

Teen Titans Go! Beast Boy?

That last one really threw me for a loop

And then finally, the best thing to ever happen and I can’t wait for 4x10:

Cyborg and Beast Boy finally meeting

My childhood dreams coming to my screen.

I hope it is everything we have waited for and more.

I can’t wait to see how the Doom Patrol will fit into the storyline, I kinda figure it has to do with Gar needing to face his demons and the truth that has evaded him this entire time.

Until next time guys, let me know what you think about this episode!