#this is so depressing i’m sorry smdkdk

[toffeelemon]

will there be an i am awaiting you update soon 👉🏻👈🏻

hi love!

you���ve been so consistantly in my inbox that i’m pretty sure by now that you’re the same dedicated reader. please do not be shy to slide into my dms! (anyone else is welcome too!) i always love to talk more princess simon lore and there’s so much that don’t make the cut that i can share that i’m sure will satisfy you in between updates.

to answer your question: i don’t know, chapter 5 has a bit of weight already but nowhere near where i want to end it, and soon is a very ambitious concept.

i do have a snippet from chapter 5 floating around so i will reblog that just in case you haven’t seen it yet.

i’ve been in a bad way recently and i’m gonna elaborate below for everyone who might be wondering, even though it must go without saying that no one needs any explanation for their creative pacing and productivity (or lack thereof).

(CN: classic queerphobia trauma dump)

i’m sure this is not an unfamiliar story. i am an independent adult, i have a full time job, a part time diploma, i just put on a gallery exhibition in my free time on top of everything else, a billion things are going on that are squeezing me of time and energy, yada yada.

but i’m also surrounded by people who constantly deadname and misgender me or my friends, and talk about trans children (who i go out to support as much as i could) like they’re better off dead. i’m also trying to support my friends, people in my community, a lot of people i have two or three degrees of separation with - people who are going to jail, disappearing, under systemic pressures just for being queer. i am trying to make peace - more accurately make energy for rage and resistance - with the fact that most people in this world do not like my existence. i am so very stressed and upset most of the time and honestly i think it’s pretty warranted, and i’m sure literally everyone can commiserate about the state of the world right now.

i don’t exist in a vacuum. everything i create don’t exist in a vacuum. i weave through and transform pain and suffering the way i do, i dream of love and hope and happiness the way i do, because this is my life and this is how i choose to get through it.

i know that there are people who really enjoy my fics, and a handful of yous also make the effort to let me know, i see you and love you all. i really do appreciate it. i really want to share all the radical optimism and strength that i can manage and pass the positive energy forward. it truly does warm my heart whenever someone decides to share how i’ve touched them and connected them to gender euphoria, to living a more authentic self, to finding love for themselves or for romance. it means a lot to me.

even if only one single person is holding onto this particular fic like a lifeline, it still matters to me. i see you, and you matter to me. i do care about you and want to make you happy.

but as much as i’d love to support and give back to my community (which is you!), i also am a human being who needs the same support, and currently i’m struggling so much. i know i like to present myself as strong and happy-go-lucky (shocker you can’t tell from my ao3) but really it’s so hard to be energised and present enough to write lately.

i don’t mean to trauma dump - i don’t think this counts as trauma at all. it’s just the reality of being alive. and i wouldn’t change it for the world. being queer, being gender non conforming, being poc has been the greatest gift of my life and i wouldn’t trade it for anything else. my brain gave you my ao3. my brain also holds me back in a lot of other ways. there’s also a lot of things that are out of my control (and undiagnosed probably lmfao). i hope you can extend grace and patience to me that you would to yourself, that i would for you.

and not to be an attention whore but any other chat about fics would make me so happy and nourished! tell me about your favourite things! tell me what songs it reminded you of! tell me about your life! tell me about a girl you like!

i do love sharing space with you. i’ll write when i’m ready. i’ll post when it’s done. i don’t think there’ll be a posting schedule anymore, i’m sorry. i usually like posting on sundays but let me know if any other time would work better for you? which timezone? i’m trying my best, i promise.

and for now, i hope the however many words (that weren’t in the bible) on my ao3 could tide you through the night. i’m holding your hand through the coming holiday season. i am thinking of you. take care! ♥︎