#you can like them and still know the truth that they are so ambivalent about humans it feels like hatred

[thewritehag]

I've said it before and I'll say it again

Nuckelavee, kelpie, and unicorns are proof Scotland knows something about horses that they're not saying directly. Maybe they can't.

[mackenzielovee]

parenthood blurb: february plans (pt. 1)

a/n: happy sunday! this blurb is very ambivalence-detail heavy, but i hope you enjoy it!! as always, comments and reblogs are very much appreciated <3 have a great week, besties!

i also wrote it in rafe's perspective bc you guys always ask for that so lmk if you like it!

warnings: swearing, consumption of alcohol, kissing

ambivalence masterlist , parenthood masterlist

     Rafe’s not sure exactly what it is about tonight that has him desperate for your touch. 

Thursday night dinners with your parents — although more inconsistent because of kids’ activities and life — still happen on occasion, and Rafe still sits beside you. Josie takes over Sarah’s seat and Connor takes over Wheezie’s. Scott’s has been sitting empty for a while, but nobody acknowledges that. 

Tonight, Topper and Ellie accepted their invite to join, and Rafe couldn’t be happier. It means everyone’s focus is less on him, and his focus can be more on you. 

He starts with a simple arm around the back of your chair once everyone gets their plates in order; stroking your shoulder with his fingertips. When you lean into his touch, he doesn’t even try to hide his smirk, and he wonders if you feel as needy as he does. 

After a few minutes, he removes his arm. He watches subtly as you frown but try not to let it show, then take a few more bites of your dinner. Just as you reach for your wine — which you can now drink freely at the table — he reaches over and sets his large, warm palm on your thigh. 

“Rafe,” you hiss quietly, and just the sound of his name on your lips is enough to drive him crazy. 

“Hmm?” he hums innocently, watching as you glance over at the kids and check on them before looking back at him. 

“What are you doing?”

Numerous responses run through his mind. He could tell you the truth — that you drive him insane everyday, but especially when you’re wearing a cute little dress that looks so familiar and he can smell your perfume because you’re so close. He could tell you that he has no idea what you’re talking about — he’s just subconsciously putting his hands on you. Instead, he grins. 

“You look beautiful,” he whispers, “I’ve seen this dress before.”

He notices the way you bite down on the inside of your bottom lip. Your eyes turn softer, and the way you look at him through your lashes has something deep inside him stirring around. Gently, you reach over and wrap your hand around his forearm, making him smile. 

“Yes, you have.”

A smirk teases Rafe’s lips, “Remind me.”

Immediately, you grow shy. Rafe loves when it happens because it’s not often anymore that he can make you like this, but when he does, his chest swells. He watches as you squeeze his forearm slightly, signaling that you don’t want to talk about it here. 

To retaliate, he slides his palm just a little further up your thigh, where he pushes back the fabric of your dress slightly. Your eyes widen and you try halfheartedly to push his hand back down, but he doesn’t budge. 

He smirks at the way you don’t really try to push him off, because you secretly love the way he touches you. He’s prideful, and he doesn’t care about getting caught. 

“I’ll think about it,” he says smugly, leaning in closer, “Because, baby, you look absolutely gorgeous.”

You squirm under the praise, “Thank you.”

“Mhm,” he hums, leaving a kiss on your temple before he pulls back, still staring proudly at you. 

“Rafe, did you hear what I said?”

Rafe’s eyes shift over to Topper, who is eating his meal on breaks between feeding Ellie. His eyes narrow at his best friend, and Rafe’s grip tightens around your thigh when he feels you tense. 

“No, Top, I was talking to my wife,” Rafe says, as if it’s obvious, “Sorry. Tell me again.”

Topper, Rafe, and your father all enter into football talk while your mother gushes over Connor and asks him how he likes his school, leaving you to try and eat your food with Rafe’s hands on you. 

Rafe, on the other hand, knows he’s so much better than you when it comes to having a poker face. You wear every emotion right on your face, whereas he could be sliding his fingers inside your panties right now and nobody would ever know. 

When his hand slides higher, you squeeze your thighs together. Rafe lets out a chuckle at that, earning a furrow of the brows from Topper. He feels you squeeze his forearm again in warning, but he ignores it, so you do your best to cover his hand with your dress. He grins, not caring about Topper’s rant about the NFL being rigged. 

While expertly nodding along, Rafe racks his brain to try and figure out when and where he’s seen this dress before. It’s too casual for Midsummers. Your anniversary was a blue dress. Your birthday was black pants and that very sexy red top—

“Don’t you think, Rafe?”

Rafe’s eyes dart to your father, who is lifting a fork full of food up to his mouth. He knows he has no choice but to bluff, so he does. 

“Absolutely,” Rafe nods, “They’ve got a horrible defense.”

Your father tosses his hands up, chewing before he looks at Topper, “That’s what I keep telling him!”

You can’t help but laugh, and Rafe knows why. He knows that you know he was bluffing. In another bit of retaliation, Rafe slides his hand further, then skims his fingertips across your skin. 

“Stop it,” you whisper, pushing his arm back down. 

“No,” he whispers back, “I’m trying to figure out about this dress. I know I’ve seen it bef—”

He stops in the middle of the word; hand freezing on your thigh and eyes locking on yours. He realizes right then exactly where he’s seen this dress before, and he feels himself grow warmer at the recollection. 

He takes his sweet time looking over you — savoring you in a different way than he had been before. You’re wrapped up like a present for him. The best one he will ever receive, and he knows it, too. His heart aches as he recalls the memory associated with this dress, the dreams he had, and the desire he had that night to innocently slip his hand underneath — the same way he is right now. 

“Sweetheart,” he murmurs, “This is the dress you were wearing when we had our first kiss.”

He watches you nod sweetly, biting down hard on your bottom lip so as to not give away too much of your smile. 

“Yeah,” you murmur, “It’s a little more snug than it was back then, but—”

“It’s perfect,” he stops you, wanting to add a thousand more adjectives to the end of that, “You couldn’t look more beautiful in it.”

“Thank you,” you say with a smile. 

He beams and lets your warm skin against his palm draw him back to where exactly he wants to be. His index finger slides up past your hip bone, and he listens as you inhale sharply as he loops it through the band of your thong. 

Smirking widely, Rafe leans closer, “Finish your dinner, baby. Your food’s gonna get cold.”

“Your fault,” you mumble. 

Rafe laughs, then playfully squeezes your leg once more. Quickly, he scans the room to ensure that nobody is watching, because he knows that would embarrass you if anyone knew. Thankfully, everyone is too wrapped up in their own plates to notice a thing. 

“What made you wear that tonight?” he asks.

You shrug, “Found it in my closet.”

“Oh, and you just felt like teasing me, huh?” he grins, “Whatever you want, you can have it.”

He watches the smile break out across your face, and suddenly, everything else melts away from him. It’s just you, it always has been, and the rest of it is simply noise to him. 

“Well, there is one thing,” you tease. 

His heart lurches at the sight of you pursing your lips before you ask for it, and Rafe is desperate to tell you that it’s already yours. 

“Yes,” he says in a deep voice, clearing his throat as you lean closer. 

“Will you have a glass of wine with me out by the pool after dinner?”

He swallows and keeps his lips pressed tight, not wanting to let out the whimper that threatens to leave him at the sight of you wanting, needing, begging for his company. 

The thought of reliving that experience — of sitting outside with his knee grazing yours as he sips wine and tries to think of something equally clever and cool to say, makes him feel dizzy. In the best way possible.

“Sweetheart, I would love that,” he replies, “You grab glasses and a bottle while I clean up.”

“Okay,” you smile. 

He takes a deep breath, then runs his index finger over the loop he’d created with your panties. Casually, he tucks the one finger inside, through your folds, feeling how much his teasing has truly gotten to you. 

He laughs to himself, looking smug and prideful as ever. You nudge him with your shoulder, then playfully swat at his hand. Reluctantly, Rafe extracts his hand and drags it back down to the middle of your thigh, then kisses your temple once more. 

“Daddy, look!” Josie exclaims, earning both of your attention, “I’ve been tryin’ to show you how I ate all my vegetables.”

“Yeah, Rafe,” Topper smirks, “She’s been trying to show you.”

Rafe narrows his eyes at Topper, ignoring the way you exhale out a laugh. 

“Sorry, princess. I’m so proud of you for eating your vegetables. Want more?”

“No,” she says immediately, “Connor needs to eat his.”

Connor looks over at Rafe and gives him a wide smile before stabbing a green bean with his fork and popping it into his mouth. 

“He will, Jo,” Rafe assures her, “So will Mommy.”

You nudge his shoulder again, “Mind your business, Cameron.”

“You are my business, Cameron.”

     Rafe rushes through cleaning, only half-listening to your father’s rambles about referees and how they can make or break the game. As soon as they finish, he dries his hands and quickly asks your mom to watch the kids for a bit, then hurries out onto the patio. 

He freezes in his tracks when he gets to the screen door. You’re sitting the way you always did; legs dangling in the water with a wine bottle beside you. Wearing the same dress you had on when you kissed him. 

And now, he realizes, you’re waiting on him. Everything hits him all over again — the way it does on occasion when he catches you doing something for him. The first time you left a note in the lunch you packed for him, he got no work done for the rest of the day. When Kelce borrowed his truck and returned it looking less than pristine on the outside, you took it and got it washed and vacuumed before he even saw it, then added a picture of the two of you on his dash. The first time he saw the picture, he came back inside, and was subsequently late to work.

Now, it hits him as he sees you waiting on him in the same spot that he’d managed to put himself on your radar. He remembers just how much he wanted you to look his way, how he wanted you to be happy, and how he vowed to himself when you agreed to marry him that he would make sure that was the case. 

He waited on you for years, and the sight of you waiting on him, now, makes his heart beat a little faster. 

“You gonna stare all night, or come join?”

You don’t even look back. He grins so hard that he swears his muscles start to ache, and without even a moment’s worth of hesitation, he hurries out of the patio and over to you. 

“Can’t help myself,” he admits, “What did you expect, anyway? Putting this dress on and teasing the shit out of me at the table.”

You laugh and hand him a glass, then pick up your own. Rafe makes sure to brush his fingers against your own, then tucks his arm around you. His legs drop into the pool beside yours, and you place your head on his shoulder. 

“I’ve been thinking a lot about us,” you say shyly. 

Rafe’s heart plummets in his chest. What does that mean? Why is she saying that? 

He starts to grip the wine glass too tight, and uses his one arm around you to center himself. He swallows, then takes a long sip of wine to ease whatever blow you’re about to administer. 

“And?” he asks roughly. 

You snicker, then turn and place your chin on his shoulder. He relaxes slightly, sure that if you were about to tell him something major, you wouldn’t be behaving this way. 

“Relax,” you whisper, leaning forward and pressing a long kiss to his jaw, “It’s nothing bad. I mean, nothing bad to me, I guess, I just… I’ve been thinking about what Kelce said to me a few weeks ago. How everyone thinks we’re perfect together.”

Rafe’s brows furrow, “You don’t think we are?”

His heart beats faster in his chest, but he tries to calm himself. Not react too quickly. You need time to articulate your thoughts, and he knows it. He watches as you shake your head, looking annoyed at yourself for not expressing yourself the right way. 

“I don’t think we’re perfect,” you say, “But, nobody is. We work at our relationship and, yeah, we’re probably better at that than most, but still.”

Rafe nods, “Yeah, you’re right. Did it bother you? What Kelce said?”

“I mean, yeah,” you shrug it off, “For a little while. Then, I started telling myself that we’ve been through so much together, and the only people our relationship has to make sense to is us.”

Rafe’s lips tip up, and he subtly scoots his leg closer to yours. He’s sure you’ll think it was an accident, but it wasn’t. It never is. 

“Makes perfect sense to me,” he teases.

When you laugh, Rafe feels everything settle in his chest. He no longer feels that sense of anxiety or fear, and instead, he reaches for your hand. Your fingers lace together the same way they have a million times, and it dawns on Rafe that this is the first place he ever held your hand, too. So many of your firsts have been out here, and the memory brings a warm feeling to his stomach. 

“Do you remember our first kiss?” you ask quietly. 

Rafe fights back a groan, “How could I forget it?”

To him, the question seems silly. He could probably tell you every detail of that night if he wanted to, because it was the first night of many that he got exactly what he’d been dreaming of. 

You laugh, “Rafe, Wheezie caught us.”

Your tone elicits a chuckle from his lips before he can stop himself.

“Yeah, she did, huh?” he laughs, “Do you remember our second kiss?”

“Hmm?”

He grins, “You wore the sexiest outfit to Matt McCall’s party, and—”

“Shut up!” you exclaim, bumping your shoulder with his. 

He can’t help but laugh when you grow embarrassed, recalling the memory yourself. He squeezes your hand as he laughs, not allowing his eyes to leave you. 

“No,” he jokes, “I couldn’t keep my hands off of you. Especially because you told me that you wore it just for me, do you remember?”

“I remember,” you reply sheepishly, “I think that went to your head.”

“Oh, it definitely did,” he laughs.

You settle back in, inching closer to Rafe as you do it. He bites down on his cheek to contain his smile, then drains the rest of his wine. 

“Did you know Matt’s married now?” 

“No,” he shrugs, “Poor girl.”

“Ha ha,” you roll your eyes, listening to him chuckle as he squeezes your hand, then releases to pour you more wine, then himself, “Seriously. He got married to some girl he met at UNC. They’re big into traveling. I see it all the time on Instagram.”

Rafe snickers, “You follow Matt McCall on Instagram?” 

He looks up from his pour to find you with pursed lips, staring into the pool like you don’t want to confess the truth to him. He smiles widely, then hands your wine glass back. 

“I’m guilty of the occasional social media stalking,” you mumble, “But everyone does it! I’m sure you do, too.”

Rafe’s brain works fast, too fast, and he knows his response will be equal parts amusing and embarrassing. 

“Oh, yeah. I just went through Brady’s Instagram for the fourth time this week. You know, your childhood crush. Your first love—”

“Stop it,” you groan, letting a laugh escape. 

Rafe just chuckles to himself, then takes your hand again once his glass is full. It’s almost as if he feels your emotions change from happy and playful to something different — something deeper. He feels it in the way you grip his hand, in the way you lay your head on his shoulder. He knows you want to be as close to him as he wants to be with you, and he’s perfectly okay with that. 

“Do you ever wish we got the chance to travel? Like Matt?” Rafe asks softly. 

“I don’t know,” you reply. 

He knows what this means. He knows that when you say you don’t know, it’s code for the fact that you know exactly what your answer is, but you’re too afraid to try and articulate your thoughts out of fear that it will be done incorrectly. So, knowing this, Rafe changes up his strategy. 

“Where would you want us to go? If we could go anywhere in the world.”

He feels you grin on his shoulder, and the grip on his hand grows just a little bit tighter. Bingo. 

“Well,” you say, sounding shy, “I know I should say something cool like Paris or Amsterdam, or whatever. But, I kind of have this vision of us in the mountains when it’s snowing. We’d rent a cabin and cook and drink a lot of wine. And, maybe we have a hot tub, and we could watch movies, and wear sweatpants the whole time, and just, you know, be together.”

Rafe nods, not wanting to give away how much that vision makes him happy. He can see it clear as day, and he can’t think of anything else that would even come close to heaven. He swallows down his own visions, his own plans, and keeps laying his groundwork. 

“That sounds nice,” he says evenly, “Where would you want this cabin to be?”

“They have nice ones in Colorado, I think. I’ve always heard about people going there.”

Rafe nods, remaining quiet as he works out a plan in his head. The occasion. The finances. The plane tickets. The requirements for the house — a hot tub, and he has to get you a balcony, because he knows you’ll want to look out at the snow while you drink coffee in the mornings. It would have to have a full kitchen so he could cook for you every night, and he needs time to plan out the meals and the grocery list. 

“That would be fun,” he chooses to say, then shifts and kisses the top of your head. 

“Yeah. It’s nice to think about,” you say, shrugging it off, “But, whatever. I love our life. Even if we don’t live like Matt McCall.”

“I love our life, too,” Rafe says quietly.

You shift from your position and lean up to plant a small kiss on his neck, which leaves Rafe preening for more. He’s not sure he could ever get enough. 

All at once, he notes how your mood seems to change. You smile playfully, like a thought has just popped into your head, and you scoot closer while you try — and fail — to keep your smirk at bay.

“You know who else I Instagram stalk?” you grin as Rafe’s head races with possibilities. 

“Who?”

“Sydney McCall.”

Rafe rolls his eyes and shakes his head, then pulls your entwined hands into his lap. You giggle and scoot closer, then take a large sip from your wine glass. 

“You’re hilarious,” he mutters sarcastically. 

“What?” you gasp, mocking him with your innocence, “You don’t check in on her from time to time?”

“Absolutely not,” Rafe snorts. 

“Mhm, okay,” you hum, finishing off your glass, before you look up at him with hazy eyes, “I’m sure you’re pining after her.”

He knows you’re just teasing, but his chest contracts at the thought. At the mere idea of ever pining after anyone else besides you. It just doesn’t seem possible to him. When he sees the way you bite down on your lip, clearly just wanting a reaction from him, he relaxes and pulls you closer to him. 

“Next time you say something like that, I’m gonna bite that lip for you,” he mutters. 

You laugh, which brings a smile to his face, too. Silently, he raises a brow to see if you want more wine, which you answer in a nod. He pours it into your glass and you settle right back into him without hesitation — a far cry from all those years ago when every touch was meticulously planned and Rafe went home desperate to get his hands on you again. 

“Rafe?”

He’ll never get used to hearing his name come from you, he swears. 

“Yeah?”

You hum contently, “I love hanging out with you.”

His chest swells with pride and he replays the words a few times to himself before he smiles and turns, kissing your forehead gently. 

“I love hanging out with you, too, sweetheart,” he whispers. 

He notes the level of your wine glass and the fact that you’ve already had one out here and one at the table. You’re tipsy, and he bites his tongue when he almost says something about it. 

“Can we make more time?” you ask, your eyes only half open and your words slightly slurred, “For us, I mean. Like, I know we hang out together after the kids go to bed, but we’re both so tired, and — this is what I want. Me and you, just talking and kissing. Do you want to kiss me?”

Rafe snorts. What kind of question is that? 

“Of course I want to kiss you, baby,” he practically groans.

He turns, expecting you to lean up and give him a quick peck before you start rambling again. Which is why, when you release his hand and pull your feet from the water, his eyes grow wide and he scoots back. 

He remembers this with you. He remembers how you would shyly hint that you wanted to make out with him, and he’d always give in because it was you, and he wasn’t willing to push his luck. He remembers the first time he ever let himself fully believe that he got you was in this exact position, with your lips on his neck, and your soft little gasps in his ear every time he touched your skin. 

You get settled on his lap, knees on either side of him, and wrap your arms around his neck. He grins the same way he did at eighteen, and he lets his hands rest on your thighs as he takes you in. 

“Hi,” you whisper, your drunken shyness doing something to his heart. 

“Hi, sweetheart,” he says back, “Come here.”

One of his hands travels up to your back, where he guides you into him. His other hand slips up your thigh, bunching your dress at your hip. He already predicts your moves, and he’s correct, when your right hand travels up into his hair, and your left starts to rub his back. 

The way you always run your fingers through his hair drives him crazy, but initially, the back rubbing had been discovered by you when Rafe was the intoxicated one. You had been picking him up from boys' night, and he kept stealing kisses from you as you stood in Kelce’s driveway, trying to get him into the car while talking to Maddie. Rafe kept trying to get back out to talk to Kelce, and to coax him into relaxing, you started rubbing his back. He relaxed instantly, and when you continued to do it as he kissed you, he wasn’t shy about letting you know that he enjoyed it. 

Knowing you want him to, Rafe takes control of the kiss and lets his tongue skim across your bottom lip. You grant him entry and giggle into his mouth when you feel his tongue against yours. His hand escapes under your dress and loops through your panties again, and you tug lightly on his hair in response. He groans at the feeling, wanting you to do it again, when you start moving your hips against his. 

“Baby,” he pants, breaking the kiss and steadying you in his lap, “Oh, God, please don’t do that to me right now.”

“Sorry,” you murmur, and the pout on your lips makes it even harder for Rafe to concentrate in this moment, “Just feels good.”

“I know,” he nods. He tucks a strand of hair behind your ear and smiles up at you, then leans up and pecks you again, “About what you said, though—”

“No,” you immediately stop him, scooting closer and cuddling into his chest, “I was being stupid. I’m busy. You’re busy. We don’t have time to be—”

“Every Wednesday, we should go out. Just me and you. We can talk gossip, and politics, and bore the shit out of each other. Sundays will be family days again. I know I’ve been playing golf a lot, but I’d rather be with you and the kids. And, every two or three months, I want us to plan a little trip. Just for the weekend. Be together in a hotel and find little coffee places you’ll love, and catch up on all the sex that gets interrupted by our crazy life. How does that sound?”

The pout on your lip grows as he speaks, and he knows he’s done something absolutely right. Without warning, you lean forward and start peppering little kisses all over his cheeks, lips, chin, and nose, which makes him laugh. 

When you pull back, you’re grinning widely, and he squeezes your hip playfully just to watch you giggle. 

“I fall more and more in love with you as the years go by, Rafe Cameron,” you say, laughing at your own cheesiness. 

He couldn’t be more honest in this moment, “I fall in love with you every single goddamn day.”

You grin and kiss him again, as if you just can’t help yourself. The wine glasses sit beside the two of you, completely forgotten. Just as Rafe ducks his head for another kiss from you, he hears the familiar sound of a baby cooing and his best friend’s voice. 

“I’m taking Ellie home, so the two of you have five seconds to get dressed if you want to say goodbye!”

*i no longer have a tag list. follow @mackupdates to see when i post new content!

[butch-reidentified]

wife & I finally watched Killing Eve, and I am just utterly 🤯 by how much of myself I see in Villanelle. the nuances of her reactions, her sense of humor, interpersonal relating, etc., all of it is genuinely deeply relatable. it's the first time I've ever actually truly related to a fictional character overall, rather than just 1 or 2 aspects of a character. as weird as it sounds, it feels like actually very wholesome representation? honestly, I've never really understood why people get attached to fictional characters and even kind of used to make fun of it. I never felt like there was much to relate to. but my wife and I both see it, this dude they consulted for her on-screen character obviously really knows his shit (yeah, this dude, fucking somehow).

him???? kinda pissed ngl. and I'm definitely gonna contact him lmao

but it's undeniable. it's most clear in the subtlest little moments, the little things she does like dumping salt on the curly fries she's sharing with Eve as a playful reaction to an "offensive" joke, the pranks she plays on Konstantin, the things she finds funny, the lack of response when her life is in danger, being ambivalent about prison. and of course the bigger things are just as accurate, and so much better done than any other media portrayal I've seen before. the constant need for escalating stimulation, the s-tier "commitment to the bit" regardless of the situation, the curiosity about herself, the boredom and resulting curiosity about the "normal" human experience & wondering if you can be like them - maybe even convincing yourself for a while, the truth of having some people truly matter to you but at the end of the day you know you're still able to hurt them, the enjoyment of social game-playing - specifically with others who are also knowingly playing social chess* (manipulating unaware people is not entertaining & frankly reminds me of the ways men tend to seek affirmation of their power/superiority by "punching down").

*and enjoying working + thriving in fields where this is required of EVERYONE

I'm posting this a bit late at night in the hopes it's mostly seen by the mutuals who actually come to my blog not just see this on dash, bc this /is/ weird as fuck for me & I'm not super stoked about EVERYONE seeing this, but I have made a commitment on here to challenge myself with consistent and total honesty to the best of my ability. it /is/ disorienting and exciting in its own odd way. but I'm not sure I hate it.

oh, and in s4 when she kills a bunch of women's abusers? the implication throughout the show that she DOES feel some type of way about (at least) 1 moral issue - misogyny? fuck OFFFFF bro wtffff

[bengiyo]

La Pluie: The Kindness is the Point

Hello again, friends and fellow clowns. It’s a Saturday evening and I have recovered from the Devil’s Nap. I’ve seen some great posts already, and I feel compelled to share some thoughts as well following Episode 9 of La Pluie. This episode focused on the fact that Patts has always been a kind person and that Nara is deserving of grace. This show displays a gentleness for its characters that feels so queer to me because so many of us can appreciate how difficult it is to have love, and the way this show goes out of its way to NOT punch down on its characters cannot be overstated.

Nara Gets What She Needed and What We All Deserve

Before I get into talking about Nara, please go read @liyazaki post about the breakup scene and @lurkingshan talking about how Nara’s role in this show subverts the faen fatale trope. Both are brilliant, and I cannot do them justice in any reiteration.

gif by @liyazaki

I absolutely love how this show treats Nara. It’s the exact opposite of bisexual erasure. We have seen across five episodes now that Patts’ feelings for Nara were incredibly real and sincere. They loved each other. When he began hearing Saengtai it became a completely understandable problem in their relationship. Saengtai doesn’t get jealous of the former relationship between them; he instead gets upset because he sees that once again the soulmate connection has caused pain in another relationship. We could have left Nara behind in the last episode and totally been fine, but this show said that she deserves closure, and she doesn’t deserve to lose her friends.

Nara comes to Saengtai and apologizes unknowingly interfering in his relationship with Patts, states that she wouldn’t have done any of this if she had known about them and apologizes for causing his misunderstanding (implying that she blames herself for sending him into his mountain spiral). Tai instead apologizes to her for causing so much trouble and says that all of this was because of his own troubles. You can see the sigh of relief in Nara and the immediate drop in tension.  Nara offers that she likes Tai and Patts as a pair, and clearly says something about Patts’ body to make Saengtai blush. I think it’s wonderful that Tai doesn’t have to leave this trip feeling any kind of ambivalence for his boyfriend’s ex.

Later, Dream brings Nara along to the party, and everyone checks on Tai and Patts to see how this will play out. Tai assures everyone that they talked, and Nara is instantly welcomed back into the fold. The other vets are genuinely relieved to have her back with them and reminisce about old times they had together. After the party montage Patts uses the truth or dare game to pull Nara aside and have one final conversation with her about their relationship.

gif by @liyazaki

Mor already wrote beautifully about the Patts and Nara scene (linked above), and I think it’s so special that this show gave us this scene. This show began with Tai letting us know that his soulmate parents divorced. He has painful feelings wrapped up in how soulmate relationships dissolve, and he still feels a lot of angst about his own parents. I think it’s incredibly helpful for Saengtai to see that Patts and Nara still love each other despite not being able to move forward as lovers.

Finally, the show lets Nara be sad about the end of her romance with Patts. Despite the friendship they might rebuild and maintain in the future, her pain is real, and it matters, too. She’s allowed to have a moment of sadness with Dream and weep for the hopes that she must let go. There are even hints that perhaps Dream held a quiet crush on Nara before (@slayerkitty and @respectthepetty). How wonderfully kind it is of this show to show so many different people holding unrequited feelings for each other without it turning into angst or cruelty. The end of one relationship is not the end of love. Hopefully Tai remembers this as we get back into some of his family drama.

We needed to see the amount of grace extended to Nara. In a show about how love is an active and ongoing choice, there’s no way we could move forward without honoring Nara. I also think it’s important that Nara acknowledge the love between two men as special and valuable as Tai also acknowledges that her love with Patts is valuable. Despite the complex queer relationship chart being drawn across this friend group, everyone is determined to keep folks together.

Patts Has Always Been Good

Let’s talk about Patts. We’ve been saying for weeks that he’s a good guy and that the show has given us no real reason to be suspicious of him. I loved the reveal about him being The Kind One. I’m also curious about the temper he mentioned he has to Nara.

We finally got @shortpplfedup to watch the show, and she nailed down immediately that the core themes are about the choice to love each other in small ways constantly. I cannot stress enough that for all the writing and thinking we’ve done this episode, Tai and Patts do not refer to each other as soulmates this episode at all. They are boyfriends now. They are boyfriends because Patts has always been kind. They are boyfriends because Saengtai has been open to kindness even when he’s hurting and a bit scared.

gif by @liyazaki

My man Patts loves to write notes.

I love the reveal that Patts and Tai happened to be neighbors years ago. Patts was seeing Nara at the time, which we know because the grandmother asked about her. We know that Patts was an attentive and diligent grandson who happened to notice that Tai was clearly going through something. He didn’t even know what Tai looked like. He just saw that he was hurting and wanted to help. We know that help mattered to Tai to the point that even Tien knows about it. When Patts’ grandmother dies, Tai goes out of his way to send that kindness right back.

gifs by @liyazaki

What’s more, you can see these two falling even deeper in love with each other as soon as they recognize that they were briefly pen pals during a very difficult time in their lives. This is great news for fans like me who liked episode six opening with a high heat scene, because Tai is wearing this sweater in the scenes we saw in the trailer during what felt like their first time.

We eatin’ good next week. (“Not as good as Patts.” - @ginnymoonbeam )

However, Patts mentioned to Nara that he has a temper, and we’ve seen that he’s painfully aware of Lomfon’s interest in Tai. I like the show’s choice to hold Lomfon’s conversation with Patts until next week, because it doesn’t matter to Tai. Tai isn’t interested in Lomfon in any way comparable to Patts. I’m excited to see Lomfon get decked for interfering, and for Tai to get mad at Patts for feeling threatened.

I Love Everyone in This Show

I think it’s notable that Saengtien has dropped any pretense that he enjoys being around Lomfon, and I like that it clearly complicates Lomfon’s own feelings. You can see that Lomfon doesn’t even know how to deal with the passive kindness Tai extends to him just because he’s close to his brother.

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

I loved the vets being excited to welcome Nara back into the circle. I also like them joking about finding something new to tease Patts and Tai about.

I loved Dream going to Nara and giving her a shoulder to cry on.

I loved Kung and Bow cheering for Tai and Patts new relationship.

I loved Tai giving Bow yet another cutting look to not get into his time with Patts and teasing her even as she was trying to exit the scene.

I loved Tai and Tien continuing their bit of poking each other in the face with Tien pouting at the end with “I’m your little brother!”

I love Patts’ grandmother passing these notes back and forth just because it was something her grandson wanted.

I love Saengnuea not even being sure if he should do the “don’t hurt my brother” thing with Patts because he’s younger than Patts. I also love him taking care of his brother’s cat so he could go on the trip and complaining that the cat wouldn’t reciprocate his love.

In so many ways this show is about how important it is to extend a little bit of kindness to each other. It’s about how far just a little bit of grace goes. What with Be My Favorite also saying something similar this week (@ginnymoonbeam), I am enjoying some of the themes in the more dramatic shows this year. So, “Please. Be kind, especially when we don’t know what’s going on.”

Thank you as always for coming to my post.

[the-empress-7]

I’m not sure if it was Tom Bower or Valentine Low who said The Firm didn’t know how to handle the Harkles because they’ve never seen things as ruthless as those two. A spoilt rotten petulant brat and an entitled gold digger whom the coddled so much - it’s not as easy as saying no to intimidate them and The Firm can control the situation. There are so many aspects to be considered especially when you have two psycho narc who will do anything to get what they want. They have to minimise the affects and still get things done under control.

Example : him wearing the toy soldier uniform for QEll’s funeral. They didn’t allow him to wear her insignia, let publications know about it which means the public needs to know this. They didn’t want to give him more fuel. The Queen needed to be sent off respectfully with no dramas, that’s the least they can do for her. But what happened after that? The Harkles were not allowed to join the evening event where they could’ve mingled with the most powerful people in the society from all over the world. They sulked and went back to the Ghoul Mansion and The Firm didn’t give a fudge. 

They are learning to navigate this in the nicest way to not spoil The Firm’s name and reputation. I think we still remember how the racism accusation was accepted so easily back then. Every decision needs to be taken carefully after much consideration. But we know the Harkles are desperate now because the current king and Prince of Wales are a little more confident in putting the truth out there. The tables turned after QEll’s death. Death by a thousand cuts. Slowly but surely. 

=====

Allowing the death by a thousand cuts has led to BRF’s brand being the gutter. There is a whole new generation around the world who went from being ambivalent about the BRF to believing that they are nothing but a bunch of racists. The republic movement is enjoying a new found resurgence. 

As for Harry being allowed to wear the uniform, that wasn’t the only time the BRF time blinked like cowards when it comes to the Harkles. H&M were out, the whole world saw Megxit. There was no reason to allow H&M to walk in the numerous precessions as if they never left. Meghan riding the car with Sophie? Literally should not have happened. Meghan walking behind Catherine to pay her respects at Whitehall. That should not have happened. I am really over making excuses for the BRF. They are very much to blame for everything that has happened, and by “they” I mean the late Queen and Charles.

[theajaheira]

gje ask: how long do you think it takes before Ethan stops being utterly horrified by the concept that he actually genuinely likes Jenny as a person? bc i feel like that would be A While but also it would probably be very... a year in, a switch flips in his brain and she's suddenly his favorite non-Ripper person ever, but he still isn't going to SAY that so he's just. causing problems for anyone who annoys her as a weird fucked up form of affection.

so i think that initially ethan approaches his deep interest in jenny with horrified anthropological precision. like he is obsessively going out of his way to spend time with her and spying on all of her dates with giles and he is very clear to her, giles, and anyone who will listen to his loud and dramatic protestations that this is because he just Doesn’t Get what giles sees in jenny, but the reality of it is that he (like giles) got trapped in the That Woman Is Too Hot And Can’t Be Real sinkhole and (like giles) is handling it with all the maladaptive coping mechanisms that 20+ years of unaddressed emotional baggage have created. except with giles it’s all about I Don’t Deserve Jenny, but with ethan it’s I Must Undermine Jenny. he HAS to find the flaw in her code and prove that she’s not actually that hot and interesting and perfect, and OBVIOUSLY that means spending time with her because he is RESEARCHING, and eventually + inevitably he will find out the truth and bring this fakey too good to be true relationship CRASHING TO ITS KNEES. he is a genius.

meanwhile, jenny has started taking ethan to her favorite bookstores “for enrichment” and is debating him because she thinks chaos as a concept should be ambivalent to the notion of causing harm, not averting one’s eyes from it, which is what ethan does, which sure does seem like he cares!!!! so maybe he’s not that good at his job!!! and ethan starts fighting with her all the time and giles in the background is like Oh Fuck I See Where This Is Going and starts trying to frantically stop it from happening solely because he doesn’t think he can psychologically take having ethan and jenny as partners at the same time, BUT if presented the option will immediately grab it without hesitation, because something is clinically wrong with him.

in my head there is at some point an accidental kiss that absolutely fucks up both of them and both of them agonize over what giles will think. probably, because they are both so clinically stupid in the exact same way, they kissed in giles’s apartment, giles saw them, giles went “well, i really am at the whims of the universe and my two incredibly hot partners are definitely going to murder me,” and then giles went grocery shopping to give ethan and jenny some time to freak out as individuals.

i think that the switch gets flipped the instant the romantic component comes into play, but you are so right that the horror is immediate and perpetual. suddenly this is the most perfect person outside of giles and ethan would literally die for her in a way that is sorta very different from his experiences with giles??? because jenny is SO VULNERABLE in a way that means ethan’s usual brand of Emotional Violence As Romance is going to go SO BADLY and also make giles literally kill him. he knows from minute one that digging his claws into her insecurities is the very fastest way to lose her, simply because her heart is so so on her sleeve, and once she knows that you know that, if you do it deliberate and calculated damage for no other reason than Showing Her Up, you are done. i think he would be most horrified of the fact that he recognizes there are limits with jenny and feels a desire to respect those limits. (giles thinks this is fucking hilarious btw.)

there is probably this transitional period where jenny is emotionally vulnerable with ethan and he is awkwardly sweet in response and then as soon as she’s settled and it’s over he has to go outside and burn down half the front porch just to make himself feel better. giles is kinda like ok i guess i will take up gardening so you have more things to burn or something. they are developing a system.

so to answer your question ….. a year. that sounds about right. i do think that a year in someone makes jenny make a slightly hurt expression and ethan MASSIVELY overreacts and fucking stabs the guy with an actual knife. jenny is like “wow :)” and giles is like NO DO NOT ENCOURAGE THIS. NO MORE STABBING. WE DID THIS ONCE ALREADY I LITERALLY CANNOT TAKE THIS AGAIN.

[yallemagne]

Queer.

Every so often, the same fucking post roles up on my dash. And since it's Pride Month? You know what it's about.

Now, I will be frank, any time I see someone crying "you can't use queer for yourself because I don't want to be called a slur!!!" I do roll my eyes, though that doesn't mean I don't understand the concept.

When I didn't even know who I was, I had plenty of terms thrown at me that didn't fit. People didn't know what to call me so usually they just called me gay. I didn't like being called gay because it wasn't who I was. Gay implied something about both my gender and my sexuality that wasn't true... but I didn't know the truth yet. I could hardly correct people.

Eventually, I figured out that my ambivalence to either gender didn't mean I was bi without a preference but that I was asexual. I explained this to people who would try to categorize me as gay, "No, actually, I'm asexual.", and I would then explain the concept of asexuality. This led to sexual harassment. Getting dressed in the locker room and being told what sexual positions people imagined me in and with whom. Being made to feel like I was the pervert in those situations.

And now saying I'm ace still gets a similar response just from what I hope is a more well-meaning crowd.

"Well, ace people can have sex/want to have sex. Are you sure you're not demi/greyace? You've never even tried sex, so you don't know." Congrats for vaguely understanding the concept of a spectrum. I personally use the dictionary definition of asexual, so I do not partake in sex nor desire to.

"Well, ace people can date/want to date. You have to say ace/aro or I'll just assume you're heteroromantic." No, because for me, unless explicitly stated otherwise, asexual and aromantic are a package deal. You wouldn't demand this same clarification from someone of any other sexuality.

It's a frustrating situation where even when I am clear and using a community-approved label for myself, I am still sexualized and pressured into seeking a relationship, and it puts me back into the mind of the kid who was bullied in the locker room. That doesn't mean that ace people on the opposite side of the spectrum or with different romantic attractions are my enemy. It just means we're different, and it's lovely that we're different, and the people who attempt to weaponize the speculative chance that an ace person might be down to fuck in order to pressure that person into sex are the real assholes.

I didn't know I was trans for the longest time because gender-nonconforming trans people were paraded around as freaks and the gender-conforming ones were just barely safe from scrutiny so long as they weren't associating with those people. But I eventually figured out that I'm genderqueer. I tend to say trans-masc nonbinary, but a more encompassing label might be genderqueer, and I drop the "gender" part and say queer because it embodies my gender identity and sexuality paired together, not separated into neat little boxes.

From my own queer perspective, the frustration with being told not to use the word queer is that we either have to pick from the four most recognizable labels (lesbian, gay, bi, and trans), dip into the bargain bin of obscure and often unaccepted labels, or make up something new. We're often told that we don't fit into the big four categories, that we are a disgrace to those. Obscure labels constantly have to be explained, and people turn their noses up upon hearing them. And making up a new label always has the risk of it being swept from under us and us being told by our more "acceptable" counterparts: "Your identity offends. Change it."

People saw my gender presentation and lack of interest in dating and picked words they already knew to describe me, and since those words didn't fit me, I felt even more isolated in a time when I needed support. I got my hair cut in middle school, and it was like I was finally moving in the right direction. My friend saw and the first thing she did was laugh at me, calling me a dyke. That does not give me the right to tell dykes "Hey! That word hurt me! You have to use the softer word "lesbian" instead." Besides, it wasn't the word, it was the intent of the person who threw it at me.

No one reclaiming the word queer is using it as a slur, but we are villified and told "That word hurt me! Use a softer word!" And I have to ask: is it really any one of you non-queer-identifying individuals' business? You see someone in the process of loving themselves and finding themselves in a diverse community, and you want to shatter that because you were hurt before? That's villain origin story shit. You want to poison the well because if people are allowed to call themselves queer more people will know the word queer and think it's okay to say and randos will think that you are queer and use queer to describe you when you're actually lesbian, gay, bi, trans, whatever label you prefer. But just because someone might misidentify you doesn't mean other identities need to be pushed back into the closet.

And of course, some are upset because people say Queer Community and it's called Queer History rather than being separated out into Gay History, Lesbian History, Bisexual History, Trans History--- but dude? You can still say LGBT or LGBTQ or LGBTQIA+ (though, if you hate the word queer, I guess you'd only accept the first acronym?) when referring to the community, and people will NEVER stop using the acronym. You aren't being run out by us scary queer people with our nasty labels, YOURS STILL EXIST AND YOU ARE STILL FREE TO LABEL YOURSELF AS YOU PLEASE. Does that mean no one will ever unknowingly group you in as queer when you're not comfortable with it? No. But... I'm sorry... but fucking suck it up.

You aren't queer? Okay, yeah, I accept that. I am queer. That doesn't make you a good person and me a bad person or vice versa.

[actual-bill-potts]

Weird little piece I wrote while sleep deprived and depressed. TW for self harm

"The trick is," I say - and if I smoked, this would be when I lit a cigarette thoughtfully, but I don’t, so I don’t - "the trick is: you have to love yourself enough that raising a hand against yourself is unthinkable."

The girl next to me sighs. "I don’t lack empathy, you know. I understand. Why hurt yourself if you wouldn’t hurt another in the same position?"

I turn to look at her. She is pretty, in a subtle sort of way: high cheekbones, blue-blue eyes, an expressive mouth. Her nose is very large. She is thin and delicate and hunched in on herself.

"Well - why?" I ask.

"Hurting someone else wouldn’t make them feel better, I assume," says the girl.

"Does it make you feel better?" I ask. There’s genuine curiosity there.

"It makes me feel different," she says. "Anyway, my mom loved me, I think, and my dad and grandma loved me, and my siblings loved me, and they all hurt me."

"On purpose?" I ask. I know the answer.

"Yes," the girl says. Her expression could be called bitter, or just petulant.

"It wasn’t about you," I say. "They didn’t mean to hurt you."

"I don’t mean to hurt myself either," says the girl. "I just want -"

She breaks off.

"Someone to stop you?" I guess.

She looks up, stricken.

"Nobody can do that for you, kiddo," I say. "Just you."

Her chin is weak, but her mouth is very stubborn. "I don’t want to," she says.

"Yeah, I know. And maybe out there there’s someone who’ll make you want to stop," I say. "But the truth is that you can find the most caring, compassionate person in the world and rip yourself to shreds in front of them and at the end of the day they still won’t be enough for you. They can’t always take the knife out of your hand. Sometimes they’re too tired. And then you feel worthless."

"I am," says the girl.

"I don’t think so," I say, "not any more worthless than any other dumb schmuck on this planet."

She snorts. "Thanks."

I say, "You’ll find people who like you for who you are someday."

She raises an eyebrow. "All of me?"

I consider. "Well - no. Nobody knows anybody perfectly. But they’re gonna wanna spend time with you. It’s cool."

"Do they leave?" says the girl. "Will they die?"

"Yes to both," I say.

"What’s the point?"

"What’s the point of anything?"

She scratches the still-healing scars on her arm and doesn’t answer.

"Doctor who fanfic can be the answer, you know," I say. "Sherlock fanfic, even. Doesn’t need to be deeper than that."

"I want it to be, though."

I think of a shallow sandy-haired man. "I know you do."

"You don’t even like me," she says suddenly.

"Well - I’m not other people," I say.

She hums. "True."

Did I ever like myself? I wonder. Did I ever look in the mirror and feel something besides ambivalence?

I don’t know.

"I’ve gotta get to work," says the girl beside me.

"I know," I say.

She walks away. Her stride is weird, her proportions off. Her arms too short and thick. She’s stubborn about all the wrong things.

I don’t want to hurt her, though. She’s a weird little bug, but I hope she makes it here, to where I’m standing, and that it doesn’t hurt too much.

[pepsiiwho]

Oh, you KNOW I was made for the hate wins ask game. Could I get uhhhhhhhhhhhh 1, 5, 6, 7 & 16, please? <3 I would ask you more, but I feel like that's excessive, and I need to get to work now. Okay, love u, bye, see you when I get home <333

sigh. Don't touch me.

I don't have a single fandom I'm known for or particularly attached to right now, so ill just jump around as i feel.

THE CHARACTER EVERYONE GETS WRONG

I am self appointed idiot who makes every character i get my grubby little hands on ooc. Because of this, I can't say for sure that any characterization I see of my faves is objectively WRONG because my own ideal version of them is surely not right. Now, having been an adult and saying all this I can say with the utmost confidence this award must go to Claude Von Riegan [FE3H] just by virtue of how he's probably one of the more popular characters i adore and as such gets the brunt of the bullshit.

I hate when people write him as this flirty, overly charming guy. Claude cannot flirt his way out of a clear bag and he is paranoid as shit. He isn't seducing your white prince and dragging him down to the dark (ha) side. He also doesn't strike me as someone who's deeply curious about other house's gossip because he actually cares. Claude stays in the know because not knowing is a blind-spot he can't allow himself to have. Screams. its whatever.

5. WORST DISCORD SERVER AND WHY

Worst discord I was ever in ... hard toss up between the ye-olden HQ discord servers or the one dmcl one I was in? Surprisingly, as far as I experienced it, both had very nice people in it on the whole. But the sad truth is too many cooks in the kitchen fucks up the simple soup-- which is to say, having so many other fans with different [WRONG] interpretations was annoying.

I can't deal with not having complete control or like, a general understanding with the people around me in fandom discussions so these servers were just, by their own nature, places I was never meant to be in. [Spits] What do you mean CLAUDE would wanna join the BL class. Go to hell.

6. WHICH SHIP FANS ARE THE MOST ANNOYING? WHY?

Short answer? sylvix. Long answer? Regardless of the fandom, the fans of the biggest most accepted ship [canon or otherwise] will always be the loudest and most annoying imo.

When you've never had to work for your food you get comfortable fast and complain more. Its a natural byproduct of being lucky enough to deeply enjoy the lowest common denominator. In most cases, regardless of fandom-- whatever reigns supreme brings the biggest headaches with it. But If this is still too general then... mmm.. people who ship objectively canon ships because their imaginations can be too small and they'll find rare-pairs odd, weird or even stupid to be into. Many a time I've had someone tell me "they've never even spoken tho.." as if that was a needed component of every ship. They're tiresome people with tiresome arguments. But it's whatever <- she is the most annoying bitch alive.

7. WHICH CHARACTER DID FANON RUIN FOR YOU?

This one is really interesting honestly. I'm usually pretty ambivalent about anyone that isn't in the blorbo pile or the poison pit.... but.... maybe Dedue or Ferdinand? Dedue because f3h fans racism and Ferdinand because he was always someone shipped with Hubert and little else. I think its sad, both ,men have so much going for them too. I'll put Tsukishima on this list as well because he was my number one and ruined by fandom. Actually no put like 90% of the HQ cast here actually hq Fandom sucks ass and ruins every cool guy. it's a bitch.

16. YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHY SO MANY PEOPLE LIKE THIS THING

God. I'm such a hater.,... this could really go on forever... Okay, I swat at the hornets nest for this one. fics over 100k. 9 times out of ten, they're not good. Quantity/=/ Quality. Usually most of the word count is just used for shit you didn't even come to the story for. That's fine, I respect any writer who can even make that much of ANYTHING, but people who can read it (and more so ACTIVELY search for it) are odd to me.

I've been worrying on this for a few days and mellowed out since I started so nothing is tooo grating or bitchy here. Look guys I'm kind and sweet forever. Enjoy. Huzzah.

[xxchromies]

Rethinking antinatalism

I've been thinking more about antinatalism and like...I do stand by a lot of what I said. But I realized something. The truth is that there are so many things, so many ways of thinking that just aren't practical in the real world but people believe in them because they're thinking abstractly. And antinatalism is just another one of those. Idk if that makes sense.

Basically, I realize that there really AREN'T any non-selfish reasons for someone to have children. And you CAN'T consent to being born, so I suppose that does technically make it unethical. So I can see where antinatalists are coming from. And they're ambivalent about humans dying out because "nothing actually matters" and as an atheist I think they are technically correct! Some of my haters are getting it twisted, they think I want people to have kids even if they don't want any (I literally said I don't in the first line but APPARENTLY it still wasn't clear enough). But I DON'T think that and I don't know why anyone ever would!

My whole thing is that antinatalism is one of those ideologies that doesn't take real life into account. It doesn't take human nature into account. People feel a biological drive to reproduce, and yes, that biological drive can be overridden but we only have so much control. And also because I do still think it makes you antisocial to a degree. All these people claim that they are antinatalists because they have compassion for the human race, but some of them sneer at literal children and mock them. Even though they know that children don't consent to being born. And also, their arguments are illogical in many ways. The idea that the absence of pain is automatically better than the presence of joy is subjective, and that's just a fact. Basically, I think it's an ideology that comes from thinking about things too hard, and it inevitably alienates you from the people around you. And as much as mothers suffer under our patriarchal system, I still think motherhood and creating life are amazing.

All that being said, there are a lot of ideologies that don't take real life into account. They imagine a future that simply cannot exist. I am against communism and prison abolition for these reasons. But then, I'm a vegetarian! Because I think killing other sentient beings is wrong. But I KNOW that we are "wired" to eat meat. My hope is that everyone's desire for peace and humane treatment will override their natural desire to eat meat. That their logic will overcome their biology. I know that's a lofty idea. But that doesn't stop me from hoping.

In December 2022, when Alex Jones' trial was getting attention, I got curious about why people thought the shooting was fake. This led to a deep dive which naturally led to me learning more about the shooter himself. This was my first exposure to antinatalism. I think finding out about it in this way definitely led to a negative bias if I'm being honest. Hearing a MURDERER talk about how the propagation of life was inherently evil, well, how was I not supposed to conclude that it was a fucked up ideology? He also said that the only reason people are traumatized by rape and pedophilia is because society tells them these things should be traumatizing. These are clear examples of how thinking of things in an abstract sense, without considering the actual human emotions and lived experience behind them, can turn you into an actual fucking psychopath. And so naturally I concluded that antinatalism was the same way. And coming on here and seeing a surprising number of people share the same viewpoints frightened me. Then again, the shooter was also a vegan, so by that logic veganism/vegetarianism is terrible as well and I'm being a hypocrite.

I still can't help but feel an ingrained disturbance when it comes to antinatalism. But I don't think the majority of antinatalists, especially the ones who are also radical feminists, are evil people. You guys just have an ideology that is too abstract and is also somewhat cartoonish. I don't know. Just don't have kids if you don't want any. And please be respectful towards women with children. They can't go back in time and stop their children from being born. And be respectful towards children! Since they didn't consent to being born!

[rin-and-jade]

I have only one other alter. And we are pretty much ambivalent to each other. We don’t hate each other, we don’t particularly like each other either. Due to this, I feel as though I’m faking because alters are supposed to be formed to help, to comfort take care or in the case of a persecutor to cause trouble. But she and me don’t do any of these things to each other. When she front sometimes I come ba k to realize she got me in trouble but it’s never for the express purpose of getting me in trouble. Even in the inner world void, we don’t talk to each other, just sometimes see each other. It’s also very isolating because I feel so left out of system positivity posts, as they’re always about how much their system supports them but I have one other person and she doesn’t like me. I feel like I. An never talk about or be positive about my system in system spaces. It’s lonely. What should I do? Is there anything I can do? Am I faking? You don’t have to answer every question I know it’s a lot just any kind of answer would be nice.

My guy, you come here to look for answers, i'm here to do my job by answering any and every questions people give to me,, it doesn't matter if its silly or its unimportant because.. i want to do it for you guys. Also bare with this long explanation, i got to...

When people think of the perfect image of a family or friendship, it all varies but the similarity in general (of how i think) is everything being as functional and as happy as possible all the time, right? I wish, that only exists in fiction sadly. It does not work that way in real life (or to an extent) as not everyone can be friends with each other and thats fine.

I hope you would appreciate me telling my own relationships with others-- i'll give you one,, this one's a secondary keeper, it's a he, so in short he and i are sort of "meh" with each other,, sometimes he gets me in trouble or i get him or others in trouble,, we do not click at all in a discussion or in a debate as we got our own opinions and morals. Does this makes us perfect? No it doesn't. Does it also means we're not doing the things we're supposed to? No, we do our work. Even though it is true that parts are created to be of help, its only half of the truth,, and the even trickier thing is if you don't see things from a different perspective, it will make people assume that the "help" has one definitive meaning and form. This is untrue.

If you think of love, what comes to your mind at first,, is it physical touch like hugs? Maybe being supportive? Attentive? Meeting your emotional needs? Physical needs?? If a guardian love its child, it may not be able to sacrifice time to play together or go somewhere and have fun, be it either too busy working to meet your needs or other problems,, does this means the guardian doesn't love you because not being with you all the time? No. Do you wish it talks with you more? Probably yes. If love can comes in many form, so does with help.

Back to my relation with the secondary keeper, we do not fare well with each other and i BARELY talk to him,, but taking account of his or my actions, mutually agree to work together in solving (because i'd just push him away i couldn't care that much) and keeping an eye out of each other is still a form of help, not what anyone would ask for but needed. Do we go along well? No. But sure we do still have our own ways of being a help. It is alright to have fights, to have enemies, to not know each other despite living in one same body for years-- it is also okay if everyone goes along with each other and barely fight and support each other pretty often,, everyone's dynamic look different, so in conclusion, you are not faking for having it differently.

- j

[dcwnthercbbithcle]

I will say, while Doe and Mapplethorpe can (and in most takes of The Lost Boys verse) will reconcile from her (accidental) murder and resurrection as a vampire. It's not a forgive and forget.

Doe DOES forgive him, she forgives the incident, she forgives his lack of control due to the blood starved hysteria, she forgives the fact that she's now disabled because of his actions, she forgives the fact he didn't tell her about the whole vampirism debacle that it resulted in her death. She forgives that he brought her back with a fate arguably worse than death and that she's now left with the only other alternative being to die for real (Doe says FUUUUCK THAT) and hell! Doe can even forgive the fact he refused to tell her adoptive family what happened and that she was alive during that period when she physically couldn't because her vocal chords were regrowing. But Doe? can't forget any of it and she won't pretend that she is. She's traumatized, Mapplethorpe, just as traumatized as you are. She won't hold it against you but the trust is strained. It's difficult to trust he isn't hiding more harsh truths from her, that there isn't a shoe waiting to drop and per usual. Doe loves him, she trusts him, she forgives him, it's not black and white, but a part of her is still afraid even though she KNOWS he wasn't in control and she can't control the way she flinches away and the panic she feels at times!

DOES ADOPTIVE FAMILY HOWEVER? They do not forgive and they most certainly don't forget. They both correctly and incorrectly believe Doe was murdered and that her body was dumped down one of the rocky cliffs in Santa Carla, and, in their hearts? They know it was Mapplethorpe, there's been no evidence but they KNOW it. Zoe knows it, her brothers know it, their parents know it. Mapplethorpe followed Doe around like a lost puppy in the months before her disappearance, lovestruck and stupid over it. For him to have done what they believe he did is difficult, but his actions after her disappearance convince them where circumstances can't. He never came to them, not even once, neither hide nor bleach blonde hair came to any of the vigils, the searches, anything. They tried to interview him, her family (siblings mostly) tracked him down, they demanded he help if he was ever her friend. But he tried to brush them off with terrible lies, 'I didn't even know her that well, she was just a friend,' Zoe punched him hard that night, but that incident set the tone. Mapplethorpe seemed ambivalent, aggressively so, guilty too. Stupid refutable lies, zero cooperation. They know he was a part of it in some way.

Zoe is certain, she saw him come down out of the sky like a human missile and grab Doe from the side of her car, her memory is clear of that. She remembers that night, Doe caught the ill wind before any of them did and ushered her siblings and herself without rest even to breath, she remembers the 'We have to go, c'mon, KEEP MOVING!' one of the only times Zoe can ever recall hearing Doe seem panicked. She remembered a crash behind them and hearing Doe shout something, she thinks it was Mapplethorpe's name, she heard her scream 'fuck, get to the car,' Doe was behind them, Zoe was thrown her keys, 'get your brothers in and GO' the memory chills her in retrospect, she was behind, throwing the boys into the car with her, Zoe yelled for Doe to get in 'I'll drive! Just go!' on her lips, but in a second she was yanked away, a dark blur into the night, a strangled scream and then nothing but her brothers sobbing.

But Doe's adoptive parents? They don't think Zoe's recollection is true, they think there are parts, hints of the truth in it. The yelling, the fear, the wicked wind following them. But they think it was more domestic, and that this story of flying away, disappearing with a scream, is coping for the truth. They believe Mapplethorpe followed Doe and her siblings out that night and tried to proposition her, they don't know what for, sex, marriage, running away, could've been all of the above! But things got ugly, Doe rejected him outright, she had no time for it, no time for him in the way HE wanted her, she had a life and a future lined up. Her apprenticeship in locksmithing, her savings for a house, her dreams of a life somewhere in the heart of nature and the trees. She never would have wanted whatever party dreams they could imagine a punk like Mapplethorpe could have offered her, Doe would've thought they were stupid and short sighted, they could have seen her laughing 'are you serious? you think I want that?' and that would've hurt him, wounded him down to his pride. They believe that night, he confronted her, asked her again but it was less a question and more of a demand and it escalated into a fight. Doe ushered her siblings away to her car and gave Zoe the keys, she had her permit, she could drive and Doe didn't want her siblings to see the ugly fight for what it was. Doe was always conscious like that, she wanted to shield her adoptive siblings from the experiences SHE underwent, she wanted their view of the world to remain rosey... and, well, she was a tough girl, they have no doubt she would've thought she could've handled Mapplethorpe. But they got too close to the edge and accident or not, she was thrown over, onto the rocks and into the ocean below where she died.

Doe's adoptive parents aren't right about her fate thankfully, in fact they're outright wrong in all aspects except that Mapplethorpe WAS the one responsible for killing Doe that night. It's a compelling theory though, a realistic, grounded theory. Compelling enough to capture the attention of Santa Carla, who's scorn drifted for a time to the curly blonde in the baggy surfer clothes. Unfairly, or actually somewhat fairly dubbing him the Isabella Murderer (in reference to The Count of Monte Cristo) or the Heights Pusher in open whispers.

But Doe's adoptive parents, they had no idea how reciprocated Mapplethorpe's feelings for Doe were, they had no idea they were steady in all senses of the word, sweethearts even. They had no idea how deeply she adored him for all that he was. They had no idea that he wanted in on her dreams, craved her unconditional love and managed to sweet talk her dreams to remain closer to the sea- his new home, his friends, his obligations. But at the same time, for how close he kept her, he drew her deeper and deeper into the web of conspiracy at the heart of Santa Carla. Closer to the truth about the things that go bump in the night and gobble up the ignorant.

AND TRUST ME, Doe was gobbled up, but Mapplethorpe, for how his guilt made him spurn her family in the aftermath, he was loyal to her, he tried against reason and hope to help her, to care for her, to fix his mistakes and heal her not only in the transition from human to vampire but emotionally. He is desperate and stupid, loving and grieving and it was his loyalty to her and his nightly routine of visiting Doe in her burrow that ultimately led her adoptive sister and her girlfriend to learning the truth of the situation, what happened to her and to get the validation that she wasn't coping and imagining a scenario, what she witnessed that night WAS the truth.

[ninamonday]

hi nina! i'm a big fan of your writing, and i was wondering if you could maybe give me some help/advice. i recently got into txt and would like to write some fic for them, but even though i've watched a bunch of their videos (to do, logs, etc) i still don't feel like i have a good enough sense of characterization;;; do you have any tips for characterization, or maybe guides or anything you could recommend to help out?

Thank you so much! Both for the compliments and for the opportunity to talk about the nerdy side of story craft which I love SO much.

First of all I think you're on the right track with this question, asking for general tips about characterization. A lot of times in rpf we talk about characterization as a matter of consuming enough content to render the truth of the person or what they would do in a certain situation; I think that approach has a pretty low ceiling of usefulness, and that it is more constructive to think about creating a character.

In a basic, literal sense, a character is not a person—it is a text construct designed to undergo a certain kind of development in the confines of a story. We're borrowing some ideas and concepts from a real person to create a new and distinct construct. I usually think of a story as always returning to a central problem—characters are problem-solving entities, using a collection of obstacles and tools in their world, in a series of events that makes up the plot.

I'm kind of describing the classic western/masc hero's journey there, but thinking of it more simply as the story problem is more useful to me. That's just one thing I can always come back to and make sure the world, plot, and characters are on track—what does this have to do with the central problem?

So if I'm looking at canon content for characterization, I'm looking for how they solve problems—how do they identify them, what tools do they use, what comes naturally or requires a stretch, when do they tend to succeed or fail, how do they contradict themselves? Also I think it makes my writing better to do this as nonjudgmentally as possible—not looking for strengths and weaknesses but simply for traits that might serve in one situation and hinder in another.

If I use for example my taejun fake dating fic "Friction"—that's a story where Taehyun tries to solve the problem of his romantic inexperience with the cool logic that usually serves him well, and finds himself in a mess he didn't account for. Yeonjun doesn't see the same problem Taehyun does—he's afraid Taehyun is going to hurt himself solving it his way and so he is fake-going along and hoping it will work out. He is someone who tries to solve problems by floating on the vibes but in fact feels tremendous responsibility and anxiety. It does not serve him and he has to give up the game and admit to his deep un-chillness to actually solve the problem.

I don't think it takes deep canon diving to establish that Taehyun is an enthusiastic tryhard and Yeonjun is an ambivalent tryhard—I think the practice is more boiling it down for myself and communicating that to readers.

I don't usually use character guides—I feel like a lot of them waste my time answering questions about eye color and favorite snack. For me the process of character development is about asking this one question of how do they solve problems over and over in different ways.

I do think plot guides can be useful, though! And as we've now established, plot is character! There are a lot of common ones (the hero's journey, three acts, skin the cat) and I think exploring to find some that work for your brain and the stories you want to tell is worthwhile. The nice thing with these is that you can start with what you know you want to do and then fill in the rest like a puzzle. I really like Dan Harmon's story circle for a few reasons, but one is that the circle shape makes the story a mirror that can help me figure out what I need to seed to pay off later or what images to bring back.

Creating characters in rpf is mostly about cherry-picking a few qualities but I do think I get a lot of mileage out of the stuff left behind. T-logs and stuff aren't rules, they're opportunities for random stuff to pull and use. Canon easter eggs go a long way to making fic feel convincing. Finding ways to incorporate your character's contradictions and edges also makes them feel more real, for all characters really but I bet especially in rpf. And as you expand into situations we don't see these real people in, guessing at how they would act in ways that stretch past the ways we actually see them act can be really rewarding when it works.

I must also say that it is very normal in the kpop fandom environment, rich with content, analysis, and feedback, to make choices that readers disagree with, that new canon renders false, or that you feel like you change your mind about later. Some of that gets better with practice but some is an unavoidable part of the gig, and either way it's not something to let stop you.

And one more thing: before I wrote "Friction," I'd been out of writing for a while and had very little experience jumping into writing a new group. I was watching some content, and I don't even remember what I was doing, but I thought, "Those two should fake date for sure. Ah, maybe one day, when I know them better." And then I started writing like two days later—in some ways I got to know them while writing them. Or, if you'd asked me two hours before I started writing my current project if I had a svt wonhan kdrama novel in me, I'd have told you no, none of those things. When I started trying I did not seriously believe I could do it. But I figured it out as I went along, and apparently I could. Which is a long way to say, just go for it. If you try it, you might like it—and if you don't you can stop and try something else. Good luck!

[the-archangel]

The Interview - Part Two

I finished it!

If you read part one then firstly thank you and secondly, this will make more sense, but if you didn't then that's fine, it's still fun!

“Keep recording, just…give me a minute.” Nancy is uncharacteristically flustered by the current turn of events. She stands, arms folded defensively over her chest, watching as Johnny weaves through the equipment and wires and takes a seat next to V on the couch, perched on the edge leaning forwards with his elbows on his knees and hands clenched together.

Having him here should be a gift, a reporter’s wet dream, but Nancy is struggling to think of anything beyond the obvious just for the moment. He should be an old man by now, but he looks like the man in his thirties that she remembers, except he has a new chrome arm replacing the original that gave him his name. How the fuck is he here? What does it have to do with Kerry and V and why didn’t they fucking mention it before?

“Johnny, this is a surprise to say the least,” she finally manages regaining her composure and her seat, “have you been back for long?”

“’Bout eight months give or take, pretty out of it for the first few weeks, but been making up for my absence ever since.” V chuckles at the truth of it whist Kerry rolls his eyes.

“Can you share with the audience how you made it back to the land of the living?”

V interjects, “Turns out Arasaka had been keeping him on ice for the last fifty-four years, finding him was the easy part, finding someone who could fix him and put him back together is what took the time and the eddies.”

“Yeah, he was pretty fucked up,” Kerry picks up the narrative, “kinda in two pieces with his brain on a chip. Wasn’t easy but V was pretty determined, and when he sets his mind on something there’s not much can stop him.”

“So all of this was your idea V? I was presuming it was down to Kerry.” Nancy knew better than most how badly Kerry had missed Johnny when he disappeared, more than one night had been spent with him curled up on her couch sobbing himself to sleep, it wouldn’t have surprised her one bit to find out that he’d spent the last fifty years trying to find a way to bring him back. Looking at him now however, he seems ambivalent to the man’s presence, his eyes fixed on V alone. “Wait, if Johnny’s only been back a few months how did you even know him before you met Kerry?”

The three men exchange glances, knowing she was bound to ask the question that they couldn’t really answer, “That’s complicated and kinda classified,” V explains, “let’s just say that he could make himself heard for a while before he got his body back.”

“Or maybe my natural charisma is such that it transcends death?”

“Yeah, whatever Johnny.” V replies rolling his eyes.

Nancy thinks back to seeing V at the Red Dirt a couple of years ago. She’d been struck by how many things about him that night reminded her of Johnny, right down to his walk and the way he played the guitar, even the way he and Kerry bickered was the same, she’d never thought it about him before or since, but that night he could’ve been Johnny Silverhand. But that was a gonk idea right? Johnny couldn’t have been living in V’s head.

“Do you still play the guitar V?”

The change in direction throws them all for an instant, fortunately Kerry can see where this is going and manages to jump in, “He still dabbles, I taught him A Like Supreme for the gig at the Red Dirt but he prolly couldn’t remember it now.”

V glances at him gratefully, “Nah, can barely hold it the right way up, spent weeks learning to play that one tune and it still wasn’t great.” He smirks at the glare Johnny gives him,

“I’m sure you were fucking awesome V, I imagine the crowd loved you, especially the preem solo you played that sent them all wild.”

Nancy decides to move the questioning on to bring the focus back to Johnny, “So what do you intend to do with your second chance at life Johnny? Going back into the music biz?”

“Nah, it was never about the music I’ll leave that to Kerry, was about the message. No one listened though, corpo’s still run the world, everything’s still going to shit, not going to waste my time on that again. Been working with V, learning some skills y’know? Honest day’s work for an honest day’s pay.”

Knowing as she does the business V is in Nancy doubts that there’s anything particularly honest about how Johnny has been spending his time, “You seem in a good place, calmer, less volatile than you once were, is that fair to say?”

“I guess yeah, V kinda rubbed off on me, sure I’m still capable of grand dramatic gestures when it’s necessary though.”

“You and V seem very close for someone you’ve only known a few months.”

V squirmed uncomfortably in his seat, he wasn’t really enjoying where this was going, Johnny met his eyes briefly before plunging in, “Yeah, we’ve got a connection for sure, I understand the way his mind works, we work really well together.”

Nancy quirks an eyebrow at Johnny’s words, had Kerry finally got just what he wanted after all these years? “So are you three…together?”

“Shit no,” declares Kerry emphatically at the same time as Johnny who is equally emphatically shaking his head and scooting further away from them on the couch leaving V in the middle laughing. “He’s V’s project, not mine, doubt we’ve said more than a couple of dozen words to each other since he came back.”

“Yeah,” agrees V, “getting them talking is still a work in progress, ‘sides I’ve got Kerry and one prima-donna Rockerboy is enough for anybody.”

Kerry gives him a dig in the ribs with his elbow for that but is grinning indulgently at him at the same time. “Better believe it baby,” he tells him planting a kiss on his cheek.

There are so many things that Nancy wants to ask like how did he die? Does he remember it? What was his part in the Arasaka tower bombings? But Johnny is such an egotist his recollection would be unreliable at best, so with time running out she opts for something else, “It’s a rare thing to get a second shot at life, what are you looking forward to doing?”

Johnny has to think about that one, he’s been so used to just living life in the moment and being fuelled by anger that looking forward to things was never really on his radar, this time though it’s different, “I guess I’m looking forward to enjoying life rather than just living it, to being more laid back, more thankful, more forgiving.” Kerry tries to hide an incredulous look and V grins, patting Johnny on the arm with the back of his hand.

Nancy thanks them and the cameras stop rolling, the crew begin to pack away their kit and leave, Nancy waits until they’re out of earshot to confront the resurrected ex-rockstar turned merc, “You might be a changed man, but you still know how to bullshit Silverhand.”

“You better believe it Nance, I’ve got a reputation to fix and the sheep’ll believe whatever crap the TV tells em to.”

Kerry and V are still on the couch, quietly chatting and laughing together, Nancy is pleased that they’re not letting Johnny spoil what they’ve got, it’s something rare and very special.

“That’s a real gonk move that you pulled there boys, if it wasn’t the story of the year I’d be seriously pissed off at you.”

“Ah, c’mon Nance, you handled it like a pro. I can feel another Pulitzer coming on.” Kerry tells her. “We’re heading out for food and a couple of drinks, you in?”

“You bet I’m in, not ever going to pass up a chance to tell Johnny the millions of ways he’s pissed me off over the years,” she laughs.

[lilmackiereads]

Does “The Help” Help? What I learned and review of the book.

In February 2022 when I was sick for a few months due to a chronic illness that led me to lose my job, I decided to pick up The Help (2009) by Kathryn Stockett to pass the time. It had been sitting in my bookshelf for years, unread. I had seen the movie once shortly after it came out in 2011 when I was a teenager, but I couldn’t remember it well. I thought to myself “it’s Black History Month, I should educate myself on what life was like.” Little did I know, two years prior in 2020, many people, mostly privileged white people, thought the same thing. As a white person in their mid 20s from a middle-class urban neighborhood in California, the Black Lives Matter movement was something I felt like I supported but was very distant from because I thought that it didn’t really affect me. Or so I thought at the time. The murders of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and many others were all over the news. I only knew bits and pieces of what had happened, and I thought reading up on Black culture through books, movies, and tv shows would make me an ally.

According to these news articles and reviews, The Help (2011) became the most watched film on Netflix during this major point in the BLM movement as an attempt for white people to educate themselves and become allies. I didn’t realize the harm of thinking this way until reading the book and the aforementioned reviews since the story is written by a white author and has a major white savior storyline. In an attempt to not misquote these articles, I encourage you to read them and check out the media they recommend. However, that doesn’t mean I would skip on The Help altogether as a book or film. It is important to be aware of the issues it presents within the story as well as the media coverage of it because by acknowledging these flaws we can get down to the real nitty-gritty. Then, we can use this knowledge to better present stories that are more truthful and central to the true experiences of Black people.

Overall, here is my review of the book as exactly what it is, a book. Stockett made it clear in her acknowledgments that it is a work of fiction, but her intertwining of fact and fiction and basing characters on herself and her maids can be problematic for readers when trying to tell the difference between what was real and what was made up. I recommend whether you read it or not to fact check and be aware that it is a book written in a different time, place, and race that what it entails. This review is filled with spoilers as it is necessary to discuss certain passages in a critical way.

----

As a whole: 3.5 out of 5 stars. See below:

This book took me over a year to read. I finished it in April 2023, fourteen months after I cracked it open. This is very unusual for me as I am a fast reader, but after catching wind of the articles I was ambivalent about continuing the story because I didn’t want to be one of those people who thinks reading this makes me a better person (because it doesn’t).

Let’s start with the basics. I like the cover a lot since it is bright and the three birds are symbolic of Skeeter, Minny, and Aibileen. My favorite type of books are those written in first person since I like how they delve into the person’s stream of consciousness and explore their hopes and troubles. The beginning of the book seemed to drag as it was mainly a description of what Aibileen and Minny do day to day. I believe this was intentional by Stockett to show readers how redundant and tedious a lot of maid’s work was and still is.

I thought the characters were very well developed, however it seemed very obvious that Skeeter was an insert for Stockett. While that was all fine and dandy, it made me concerned as Skeeter’s views toward Black women are a bit wishy washy. Over the story she becomes more “woke,” but never really understands because she leaves for New York after being encouraged to go by Minny and Aibileen. Skeeter does struggle with this decision to leave Mississippi, but it ultimately felt very “Fairy Godmother” to me because she leaves before it gets worse for the black women. I felt the same way when she was gifted a copy of The Help that was signed by all the Black churchgoers as it also felt very white savior-y instead of sweet. I was annoyed when Skeeter considered marrying Stuart and abandoning all the work she had done and being unable to decide if she was advocating for civil rights or not. This systematic racism should have been touched on a bit more because it seems like Skeeter herself (and thus Stockett) doesn’t even understand it. I don’t believe that anyone is born racist, but I think they learn it. Therefore, I think having a chapter from Hilly or Elizabeth’s perspectives would have been helpful to unpack that a little more as they were two of the more racist characters in the story. I loved to hate on Hilly, but I really liked how ditsy and sweet Celia was and how she liked spending time with Minny. I would have liked more content with Lou Anne, who we find out is suicidal and getting sent away for shock treatment. She was one of the few characters who was making her way out of Hilly’s web and seemed to be more inclined to treating her maid as a person instead of scum. I felt up and down about Skeeter’s and Hilly’s mothers. They could be really funny, but also very cold-hearted and stuck in their ways. Skeeter’s mother’s most important moment to me was when she talked about Constantine’s firing and untimely death. This was the most eye-opening moment for Skeeter and should have been a bit more in-depth since it made her face her mother’s flaws.

I really enjoyed the humor and wit of both Aibileen and Minny and liked reading their chapters. I was constantly nervous that they would be caught and punished. Aibileen losing her son and having to say good-bye to Mae Mobley nearly brought me to tears. Meanwhile, Minny’s sharp remarks and specialty pie had me giggling. The contrast between Aibileen and Minny were well done, and I loved seeing Minny’s sympathetic side toward Ms. Celia. The moments with the stillborn in the bathroom and the naked man outside of the house were terrifying. I felt relieved when Minny finally left Leroy and wished she had done it earlier, but at least she and her children got away in the end. It was frustrating that Aibileen only got her writing job because of Skeeter. I would have liked for Aibileen to have not been viewed as a victim so much. Also, I like to think that Aibileen was right about Mae Mobley being an old soul who is going to grow up to be independent and strong and ready to fight. I like to think that she grows up to be a feminist and is out there fighting for civil rights and love. It would make sense for the timeline since she would be in her teens/ 20s throughout the majority of Second Wave Feminism (mid 1960s to 1980s) and the end of the Vietnam War (1955s to 1975) since The Help takes place from 1962 to 1964.

My five favorite parts, in no specific order, are as follows:

*Minny’s Terrible Awful 

*The Jackson Junior League Annual Holiday Ball where Celia is getting all the attention in her va-va-voom gown and tears Hilly’s dress and then writing a check to Two-Slice Hilly.

*At that same event when Hilly’s mom bids on Minny’s pie as a joke. 

*When Skeeter swaps the charity “coat” drive for a “commode” drive and Hilly’s yard is RUINED.

*When Aibileen tells Mae Mobley about the “Green Martian” Martin Luther King Jr. I think it is a creative way to talk about racism and belonging without being too complicated for a toddler to understand. 

Something I would have liked Stockett to touch on a lot more were the imprisonment, murder, and abuse that many Black people faced (and still face) in a more moving way. Many of the Black characters in this story experience at least one of the three, but Stockett always seems to be glossing over how truly dangerous and corrupt societal racism is. For instance, one of the maids, Yule Mae, ends up in prison for stealing an unwanted and forgotten piece of jewelry from Hilly so she can support both her son’s college tuitions. Sending her character to jail keeps her out of the reader’s mind until she is brought up into the storyline again. Yule Mae being easily forgotten shows that this part of the story is not distressing readers enough to critically think about it and make a change even though Black incarceration rates are very high across the United States to this day. Both the murder of Medgar Evers and Martin Luther King Jr’s peaceful protest “March on Washington [D.C.] for Jobs and Freedom” are two very important moments in Black History and I wish she had spent more time discussing how huge turning points they were in American History.

Even though his writing is very different, Cormac McCarthy is a master of Southern Gothic. I think if this novel was written by him, that it would have been much more raw and honest as he was unafraid to get down to the true horrors this world has to possess. (See Outer Dark (1968) where he writes about incest and child murder, No Country for Old Men (2005) with more murder and torture, or The Road (2006) which features cannibalism and kidnapping.) Of course, regardless of whether Stockett or McCarthy wrote this book, it still would have the lens of a white author on it. What readers really need to do is choose more stories that are by Black creators that feature Black stories. A good list is mentioned in the articles linked above.

Overall, I enjoyed reading the story and appreciated how it began with Aibileen and Mae Mobley and ended with them as well, even though it was to part ways. The full circle technique demonstrated a lot of growth, but at the same time showed that both groups have a long road ahead. I would read it again and recommend reading it as long as you read articles on why it is problematic. On that same note, having a discussion about the story with people from lots of backgrounds such as different races, ethnicities, genders, sexes, and nationalities would get lots of fresh perspectives on it. By continuing to dissect and discuss stories such as The Help, we light the way of change by working together.

[seidanguard]

HEADCANONS

Commander Hotaru.

tagged by: @fasciinating (sort of lol)

​

—    basics.

 is your muse tall/short/average?   If you know one thing about Hotaru, it is that he is tall. He's 6'6.

are they okay with their height? Ambivalent. It helps gives him authority and a commanding, intimidating presence. But it is also way taller than average so he sticks out, he will never be truly anonymous or be able to blend into a crowd. Or go undercover. See below.

what’s their hair like?    Okay, if you know one thing about Hotaru, it could possibly also be that he has long, beautiful, snow-white head hair. It's not like old people hair which is dry and rough, it's shiny and silky, and somewhat ethereal. It also makes him stick out. But his eyebrows and the rest of his hair is a normal black just like a normal Seidan. Not saying that Hotaru isn’t normal. 

do they spend a lot of time on their hair/grooming? Honestly he doesn't. He's gorgeous and he's just like naturally like that. Dude barely throws his hair in a half-ponytail. Asshole.

does your muse care about their appearance/what others think? Yes, but not because of vanity. He has to look the part that he plays - the sentinel of order, the defense of the nation, the commander, the hand of the Senate, the enforcer, the hero, the devoted. And also, there’s a small nagging part of him that doesn’t like the fact he looks so . . . abnormal. 

—    preferences 

indoors or outdoors? Outdoors. There are no fucking ceilings outdoors.

rain or sunshine?    Sunshine. The rain is Seido is hazardous. The water is toxic. Please remain indoors.

forest or beach?   Forest. When you're in a forest you can see up close the cycles of nature working in perfect harmony.

precious metals or gems? Well, they're both everywhere, so . . . metals tend to have more practical applications and are much easier to work with to create structures, tools, weapons, and machines. That includes gold, silver, and platinum.

flowers or perfumes?  Flowers. Nature knows what it’s doing.

personality or appearance?    Personality. If you look like a warrior but you are weak-willed, then what's the point? Any opponent worth anything will not be deterred simply by your appearance. They will test your mettle, so you better have some.

being alone or in a crowd? Being alone. When he's alone he doesn't have to talk. He doesn't have to solve everybody else's problems. He doesn't have to tolerate. Hotaru is borderline misanthropic.

order or anarchy? Are you fucking kidding me? Get out of Seido.

painful truths or white lies? Hotaru is not a politician, he's not a diplomat. Lies of any sort tend to cause chaos, no matter how little, because they build on each other and snowball out of control. You have to remember them. You don't have to remember the truth. But Hotaru has never done anything close to spying or undercover work. He can’t pass for anybody but himself. 

science or magic? They're intertwined in developed realms. This is an Earthrealm question.

peace or conflict?   Everything the Seidan Guard does is for eventual peace.

night or day?    Less serious crime happens during the day.

dusk or dawn? Who cares?

warmth or cold?    Cold. You can always put more layers on, but at a certain point you can't take any more off.

many acquaintances or a few close friends?    A few  acquaintances. Let nobody close, ever. Hotaru had friends once. It was awful. 

reading or playing a game? Reading.

—    questionnaire.

what are some of your muse’s bad habits? His worst habits are swearing under  his breath, rolling his eyes (because nobody can see it) and almost compulsively throwing shade. 

has your muse lost anyone close to them? How has it affected them? Well, nobody close to him has died, with the exception of Dairou’s family, but he had friends once. They betrayed him, betrayed the Guard, and betrayed Seido. They are still alive.  

what are some fond memories your muse has?  Not becoming the head of the guard, that wasn't a good time. Routing the Tarkatan army at Lei Chen was a good time though.

is it easy for your muse to kill? Extremely easy. Absolutely. Without question. Without hesitation. Some people deserve to die; other people simply need to. That being said, there are certain types of people who might make him hesitate (innocent children, for instance), but if you give him the order . . .

is your muse capable of trusting someone with their life? He trusts his fellow guardsmen with his life, absolutely. And he trusts them to not save him if doing so is strategically sub-optimal.

what’s your muse like when they’re in love? It’s never happened and never will. I can’t even theorize what it would be like.