#you can fit so many horrors in this bad boy

[summonthebats]

Edwin's magic ???

Odd thing about Edwin’s magic use is, you’d sort of think he’d be better at it?

Very smart and studious, probably at this for twenty years or more but still gets the books out for each spell? We do stan a careful wielder of supernatural fuckery but ‘gestures towards the cats’ he is not that.

So, what if he is better than he seems?

What if the first spells he learnt were in Hell, and they are cruel. They are unavoidably cruel.

And he got out and met Charles.

Charles is good. Charles is kind. Charles literally died trying to stop a hate crime. Charles would surely be shocked and destressed were Edwin to use such unnecessarily cruel spells. So Edwin does not use those spells. He can learn others. He will learn others.

But it turns out overwriting the first magic you learnt is more difficult than that. He studies and he practices and still the first spell in mind is always from Hell. It is the fire that burns souls or the ice that forms inside skin or the bindings made of thorns. It is the cruel spell.

It would upset Charles, if Edwin were cruel. And Charles has the Bag, they can bring the books. He does not have to be cruel so he won’t be. And if that means checking every spell and its context before using it so be it. That can be done. There is no need to distress Charles.

(Charles would take his best mate slapping problems with a horrifically painful hogtie over Edwin ever getting hurt any day. But Edwin doesn’t ask.)

Maybe after Port Townsend Edwin finds that he can use the painless binding spell. Maybe a reset from Hell, or a side effect of the Cat King’s binding, or even Ester using it on him even if she made it cruel. Maybe he gets one bit of magic that can be gentle.

But maybe, one day, someone makes the mistake of taking Charles.

Charles cannot be distressed if he is not here, or whole, or well enough to notice what magic Edwin has cast. And then it is discovered that Edwin Payne is really rather good at magic.

Much to his distress.

[new-eyes-extra-colors]

realized i hadn't actually posted any fic snippets of eots with my boy maxie in them so here he is

also. i think groudon and kyogre should be scarier. as a treat.

“Maxie,” she says, tugging gently on his hand. He stops and turns partway around, glancing at her briefly, and follows the direction of her flashlight beam across the cavern to the spot where it illuminates a small x on the rock wall, drawn in white chalk.

“Again?” he mutters.

“This is the third time,” May says, voice high and tremulous, “that we’ve been through here. Every single one of these exits just, I don’t know, loops back here somehow.” She gives him a look that’s halfway between critical and pleading, and he holds her gaze steadily, expression neutral. “Have you seen the passageway that leads back to the entrance? Because it should be right behind us, but we got here through that turn.” She points ahead with her flashlight, to the branch of the cave that heads off to the left. “I mean, how does that even make sense? Coming through the same exit four times from four different directions?”

He turns away, falling silent for a moment. The cavern echoes with the quiet sound of water dripping from somewhere nearby; of Maxie tapping his foot. His hand is warm in hers, and she realizes she’s squeezing it. It’s selfish, but she’s too afraid to let go.

“I think,” he says evenly, “that this is normal.”

She takes a deep breath. “Normal.”

He nods once. “Relatively speaking, of course. But I’ve seen something similar to this before, back at our base.”

She frowns up at him. “I thought that was an abandoned mine?”

He catches her gaze again briefly. “Why do you think it as abandoned? People thought it was haunted, and when they couldn’t find out what was haunting it, they abandoned the project rather than stick around and risk irritating something powerful enough to rearrange a cave system at will.” He looks around the cavern briefly, flashlight beam skating across dripping stalactites on the ceiling. “You have to remember the scale of power we’re dealing with, here. A reasonably powerful psychic-type could achieve something similar to this, and people used to worship Kyogre as a god.”

Maxie’s words hang in the still air for a moment, and May shifts back and forth on her aching feet. She turns and looks behind them, but there’s nothing there except the dark passageway they just walked through.

“You think Kyogre’s doing this.”

“Not doing,” he corrects. “Well. Maybe doing, but I don’t think it’s necessarily a conscious control.” He takes a deep breath. “Obviously, I’m not sure. But have you ever seen anything like this before? Since Groudon… left, we’ve been able to map the entire mine and the cave structure it intersects with. We tried several times before, of course, but were never able to do that successfully while they were still there.”

[dungeonsandblorbos]

Campaign Intros: Curse of Strahd

so we're calling this campaign Curse of Strahd, which is an actual dnd 5e adventure book, but what we're actually playing is probably at least 80% homebrew. my husband, the DM, wasn't satisfied with the real book, as its worldbuilding wasn't deep or horrifying or dangerous enough for his gothic horror purposes. so he significantly expanded the lore, made Strahd a whole lot more powerful (as he should be), and even made his own maps and other Dark Lords! he's done an absolutely incredible job and i cannot heap enough praise on him. like, we're only 13 sessions in and this is his first time DMing, but he really makes this campaign something special <3

~anyway~

the setting

if you're familiar with Curse of Strahd as written, you've probably got a decent understanding of the basic setting already. i'm sure there's some major differences, but you'd have to ask my husband what they are lol

for those unfamiliar with Curse of Strahd, it takes place in the country of Barovia, a gloomy gothic nation banished from the material plane about four hundred years ago. now, it exists as its own little demi-plane in the Shadowfell, surrounded by deadly mists. somewhere in those mists are a few paths out to Faerun, but only a select few can walk them. everyone else, even those who wander in by mistake, are trapped. the sun does not shine here. there are no songbirds, only crows and ravens and owls. the dead do not like to stay dead. and it's all ruled over by the undying dread king Strahd von Zarovich, who is charming and cunning and ruthless and bored

the party

Cerris Tempescu: my PC! you know him, you met him here. a human tempest cleric who's basically what would happen if Clark Kent were a classic gothic hero (and also the most bottom to ever bottom). he's depressed. he's a himbo. he has something of a hero complex. he's my sweet baby boy and i love him and want him to eventually get a happily ever after, but first he's gotta suffer a whole bunch

Shalden Broadfist: a (purple) half-orc paladin devoted to the Smiling God, a big desert worm with a very neutral morality. Shalden is charming in a mostly awkward sort of way, and also something of a himbo. waaaaay more chill about the atrocities they've witnessed (and accidentally contributed to) than Cerris. looks good in an apron. can breathe fire. also very good at getting possessed

Valessha: an androgynous (purple) moon elf knowlege cleric. was naturally the smart one of the party . . . until they got yanked into a bag of holding by the Bag Man, where they've since been stuck.

Important NPCs

Ireena Kolyana: the one, the only, Ireena Kolyana. a beautiful and fiery young noblewoman who's handy with a sword and crossbow and throwing knives. headstrong, confident, and intelligent. she likes purple wildflowers, somewhat masculine clothing, and teasing Cerris, among other things

Ismark the Lesser: Ireena's older brother, and the current mayor of Barovia Village. when we first meet him, he's tired. like, only in his 30s and he's already gone silver tired. when we meet him again, he's got a shotgun and he's out for blood and vengeance against the people he feels were responsible for what happened to his sister (read: us!)

Arrigal: one of Strahd's . . . what's the word? henchmen? servants? lackeys? whatever else he is, Arrigal is a smarmy prick. blessed by Strahd with the ability to traverse the mists, he has personally lured many heroes (including our party) from Faerun to their deaths in Barovia, all for his master's entertainment

Luvash: Arrigal's younger but larger brother. big and strong and kind, but not stupid, although i'm sure his brother thinks he is. big dad energy

Madame Eva: a wise old woman cursed with nigh eternal unlife by her half-brother, Strahd. using her deck of tarokka cards, she can read your future—for a price. not money, no, she has no use for that, but a particularly interesting artifact or trinket will do

[redacted]: a horrifying eldritch family who lives in a cute little blue farmhouse surrounded by impossibly vast fields of "corn" and "scarecrows." there's a father who's very tall, a mother who's an excellent baker, and a child who likes to draw. their faces are obscured by a whirling static of color, and their voices have a lovely southern (US) drawl. their diet seems to consist exclusively of baked goods, candy, and other sweets. sometimes their movement sounds odd, like a bug's chitinous carapace rubbing against itself as it moves. sometimes their disembodied voices hover around you speaking in unison. sometimes they paralyze you and prop you up at their dinner table like a doll

Strahd: the man, the myth, the legend. Strahd is tall, dark, and handsome, with a rich voice and surprisingly warm hands. he is elegant, suave, charismatic, bold, intelligent, and many other nice sounding things; but he has been around for a long time, and he has seen many things, and he is bored of it all. despite the incredible power he already possesses, he hungers for more. has a self-professed fondness for religious men, having flirted with both Cerris and Shalden on numerous occasions

the plot . . . so far

after being lured into Barovia by Arrigal, our party finds themselves doing what they can to help the folks of Barovia village. they clear out a haunted and cursed old manor, putting the ghosts there to rest. they help bury Ireena and Ismark's father so Strahd's minions will stop messing with it. they promise a pastor to help him return his vampire spawn son to genuine life

and when they learn that Ireena is believed to be the reincarnation of Strahd's one true love Tatyana, that as a result, he has been trying to capture her and make her his bride for years, they agree to escort her to the temple in Valaki, the last stronghold against Strahd's power

upon arriving in Valaki, they are tasked with finding a missing holy relic as payment for sheltering Ireena. after losing Valessha to the Bag Man, going on a side quest to help Luvash recover his daughter from a family of hags, and playing out the beginning of a sweet little romantic comedy between Cerris and Ireena, they do find it and return it. but it quickly becomes apparent that something is deeply wrong here in Valaki

indeed, it turns out that the whole ordeal was something of a setup. more than a handful of NPCs thought to be good people—or, at least, neutral ones—are revealed to be working with Strahd to bring down Valaki and help him free himself from the confines of Barovia

you see, the curse that ties Strahd to this land and prevents him from leaving is not really a curse on him, but upon his bloodline. as the only surviving member of the von Zaroviches, unable to have children as a side effect of being undead, it remains effective. but if, say, he were to have a little niece or nephew running around, he just might be able to place them on the throne and pass along the curse, leaving himself free to return to Faerun and his conquest

but how could Strahd aquire a niece or nephew when his only sibling, Sergei, has been dead for four hundred years?

well, it should be noted Tatyana was not really Strahd's lover. he did ask her to be his, once, but she refused—and shortly thereafter, fell in love with and married his brother. when the pair died tragically, Tatyana was pregnant; and so the unfinished soul of her unborn child lingered, attached to her own soul as she reincarnated again and again and again over four hundred years. a particularly powerful fertility spell—say, one fueled by the very holy relic our party retrieved—could feasibly impregnate a reincarnation of Tatyana with the ghost of Sergei's child

so, of course, that's what Strahd's minions do. they put Ireena in a deep trance, kidnap her, and, armed with the very holy relic our party unwittingly retrieved for them, perform a ritual for a powerful fertility spell that presumably sticks a ghost baby in her womb without her knowledge or consent. and then she's whisked away to Strahd's castle, the city of Valaki is conquered, and our heroes are publicly blamed for it all

with nothing else to do, they turn to the cryptic reading Madame Eva gave them, hoping it holds the secret to defeating Strahd—and that they can decipher it before it's too late

[colleendoran]

Great Big Good Omens Graphic Novel Update

AKA A Visit From Bildad the Shuhite.

The past year or so has been one long visit from this guy, whereupon he smiteth my goats and burneth my crops, woe unto the woeful cartoonist.

Gaze upon the horror of Bildad the Shuhite.

You kind of have to be a Good Omens fan to get this joke, but trust me, it's hilarious.

Anyway, as a long time Good Omens novel fan, you may imagine how thrilled I was to get picked to adapt the graphic novel.

 Go me!  

This is quite a task, I have to say, especially since I was originally going to just draw (and color) it, but I ended up writing the adaptation as well. Tricky to fit a 400 page novel into a 160-ish page graphic novel, especially when so much of the humor is dependent on the language, and not necessarily on the visuals.

Not complainin', just sayin'.

Anyway, I started out the gate like a herd of turtles, because  right away I got COVID which knocked me on my butt. 

And COVID brain fog? That's a thing. I already struggle with brain fog due to autoimmune disease, and COVID made it worse.

Not complainin' just sayin'.

This set a few of the assignments on my plate back, which pushed starting Good Omens back. 

But hey, big fat lead time! No worries!

Then my computer crawled toward the grave.

My trusty MAC Pro Tower was nearly 15 years old when its sturdy heart ground to a near-halt with daily crashes. I finally got around to doing some diagnostics; some of its little brain actions were at 5% functionality. I had no reliable backups.

There are so many issues with getting a new computer when you haven't had a new computer or peripherals in nearly fifteen years and all of your software, including your Photoshop program is fifteen years old.

At the time, I was still on rural internet...which means dial-up speed.

Whatever you have for internet in the city, roll that clock back to about 2001.

That's what I had. I not only had to replace almost all of my hardware but I had to load and update all programs at dial-up speed.

Welcome to my gigabyte hell.

The entire process of replacing the equipment and programs took weeks and then I had to relearn all the software.

All of this was super expensive in terms of money and time cost.

But I was not daunted! Nosirree!

I still had a huge lead time! I can do anything! I have an iron will!

And boy, howdy, I was going to need it.

At about the same time, a big fatcat quadrillionaire client who had hired me years ago to develop a big, major transmedia project for which I was paid almost entirely in stock, went bankrupt leaving everyone holding the bag, and taking a huge chunk of my future retirement fund with it.

I wrote a very snarky almost hilarious Patreon post about it, but am not entirely in a position to speak freely because I don't want to get sued. Even though I had to go to court over it, (and I had to do that over Zoom at dial-up speed,) I'm pretty sure I'll never get anything out of this drama, and neither will anyone else involved, except millionaire dude and his buddies who all walked away with huge multi-million dollar bonuses weeks before they declared bankruptcy, all the while claiming they would not declare bankruptcy.

Even the accountant got $250,000 a month to shut down the business, while creators got nothing.

That in itself was enough drama for the year, but we were only at February by that point, and with all those months left, 2023 had a lot more to throw at me.

Fresh from my return from my Society of Illustrators show, and a lovely time at MOCCA, it was time to face practical medical issues, health updates, screening, and the like. I did my adult duty and then went back to work hoping for no news, but still had a weird feeling there would be news.

I know everyone says that, but I mean it. I had a bad feeling.

Then there was news.

I was called back for tests and more tests. This took weeks. The ubiquitous biopsy looked, even to me staring at the screen in real time, like bad news. 

It also hurt like a mofo after the anesthesia wore off. I wasn't expecting that.

Then I got the official bad news.

Cancer which runs in my family finally got me. Frankly, I was surprised I didn't get it sooner.

Stage 0, and treatment would likely be fast and complication-free. Face the peril, get it over with, and get back to work. 

I requested surgery months in the future so I could finish Good Omens first, but my doc convinced me the risk of waiting was too great. Get it done now.

"You're really healthy," my doc said. Despite an auto-immune issue which plagues me, I am way healthier than the average schmoe of late middle age. She informed me I would not even need any chemo or radiation if I took care of this now.

So I canceled my appearance at San Diego Comic Con. I did not inform the Good Omens team of my issues right away, thinking this would not interfere with my work schedule, but I did contact my agent to inform her of the issue. I also contacted a lawyer to rewrite my will and make sure the team had access to my digital files in case there were complications.

Then I got back to work, and hoped for the best.

Eff this guy.

Before I could even plant my carcass on the surgery table, I got a massive case of ocular shingles.

I didn't even know there was such a thing. 

There I was, minding my own business. I go to bed one night with a scratchy eye, and by 4 PM the next day, I was in the emergency room being told if I didn't get immediate specialist treatment, I was in big trouble.

I got transferred to another hospital and got all the scary details, with the extra horrid news that I could not possibly have cancer surgery until I was free of shingles, and if I did not follow a rather brutal treatment procedure - which meant super-painful  eye drops every half hour, twenty-four hours a day and daily hospital treatment - I could lose the eye entirely, or be blinded, or best case scenario, get permanent eye damage.

What was even funnier (yeah, hilarity) is the drops are so toxic if you don't use the medication just right, you can go blind anyway.

Hi Ho.

Ulcer is on the right. That big green blob.

I had just finished telling my cancer surgeon I did not even really care about getting cancer, was happy it was just stage zero, had no issues with scarring, wanted no reconstruction, all I cared about was my work. 

Just cut it out and get me back to work.

And now I wondered if I was going to lose my ability to work anyway.

Shingles often accompanies cancer because of the stress on the immune system, and yeah, it's not pretty. This is me looking like all heck after I started to get better.

The first couple of weeks were pretty demoralizing as I expected a straight trajectory to wellness. But it was up and down all the way. 

Some days I could not see out of either eye at all. The swelling was so bad that I had to reach around to my good eye to prop the lid open. Light sensitivity made seeing out of either eye almost impossible. Outdoors, even with sunglasses, I had to be led around by the hand.

I had an amazing doctor. I meticulously followed his instructions, and I think he was surprised I did. The treatment is really difficult, and if you don't do it just right no matter how painful it gets, you will be sorry. 

To my amazement, after about a month, my doctor informed me I had no vision loss in the eye at all. "This never happens," he said.

I'd spent a couple of weeks there trying to learn to draw in the near-dark with one eye, and in the end, I got all my sight back.

I could no longer wear contact lenses (I don't really wear them anyway, unless I'm going to the movies,) would need hard core sun protection for awhile, and the neuralgia and sun sensitivity were likely to linger. But I could get back to work.

I have never been more grateful in my life.

Neuralgia sucks, by the way, I'm still dealing with it months later.

Anyway, I decided to finally go ahead and tell the Good Omens team what was going on, especially since this was all happening around the time the Kickstarter was gearing up.

Now that I was sure I'd passed the eye peril, and my surgery for Stage 0 was going to be no big deal, I figured all was a go. I was still pretty uncomfortable and weak, and my ideal deadline was blown, but with the book not coming out for more than a year, all would be OK. I quit a bunch of jobs I had lined up to start after Good Omens, since the project was going to run far longer than I'd planned.

Everybody on the team was super-nice, and I was pretty optimistic at this time. But work was going pretty slow during, as you may imagine.

But again...lots of lead time still left, go me.

Then I finally got my surgery.

Which was not as happy an experience as I had been hoping for.

My family said the doc came out of the operating room looking like she'd been pulled backwards through a pipe, She informed them the tumor which looked tiny on the scan was "...huge and her insides are a mess."

Which was super not fun news.

Eff this guy.

The tumor was hiding behind some dense tissue and cysts. After more tests, it was determined I'd need another surgery and was going to have to get further treatments after all.

The biopsy had been really painful, but the discomfort was gone after about a week, so no biggee. The second surgery was, weirdly, not as painful as the biopsy, but the fatigue was big time.

By then, the Good Omens Kickstarter had about run its course, and the record-breaker was both gratifying and a source of immense social pressure.

I'd already turned most of my social media over to an assistant, and I'm glad I did.

But the next surgery was what really kicked me on my keister.

All in all, they took out an area the size of a baseball. It was  hard to move and wiped me out for weeks and weeks. I could not take care of myself. I'd begun losing hair by this time anyway, and finally just lopped it off since it was too heavy for me to care for myself. The cut hides the bald spots pretty well.

After about a month, I got the go-ahead to travel to my show at the San Diego Comic Con Museum (which is running until the first week of April, BTW). I was very happy I had enough energy to do it. But as soon as I got back, I had to return to treatment.

Since I live way out in the country, going into the city to various hospitals and pharmacies was a real challenge. I made more than 100 trips last year, and a drive to the compounding pharmacy which produced the specialist eye medicine I could not get anywhere else was six hours alone.

Naturally, I wasn't getting anything done during this time.

But at least my main hospital is super swank.

The oncology treatment went smoothly, until it didn't. The feels don't hit you until the end. By then I was flattened.

So flattened that I was too weak to control myself, fell over, and smashed my face into some equipment.

Nearly tore off my damn nostril.

Eff this guy.

Anyway, it was a bad year.

Here's what went right.

I have a good health insurance policy. The final tally on my health care costs ended up being about $150,000. I paid about 18% of that, including insurance. I had a high deductible and some experimental medicine insurance didn't cover. I had savings,  enough to cover the months I wasn't working, and my Patreon is also very supportive. So you didn't see me running a Gofundme or anything.

Thanks to everyone who ever bought one of my books.

No, none of that money was Good Omens Kickstarter money. I won't get most of my pay on that for months, which is just as well because it kept my taxes lower last year when I needed a break.

So, yay.

My nose is nearly healed. I opted out of plastic surgery, and it just sealed up by itself. I'll never be ready for my closeup, but who the hell cares.

I got to ring the bell.

I had a very, VERY hard time getting back to work, especially with regard to focus and concentration. My work hours dropped by over 2/3. I was so fractured and weak, time kept slipping away while I sat in the studio like a zombie. Most of the last six months were a wash.

I assumed focus issues were due (in part) to stress, so sought counseling. This seemed like a good idea at first, but when the counselor asked me to detail my issues with anxiety, I spent two weeks doing just that and getting way more anxious, which was not helpful.

After that I went EFF THIS NOISE, I want practical tools, not touchy feelies (no judgment on people who need touchy-feelies, I need a pragmatic solution and I need it now,) so tried using the body doubling focus group technique for concentration and deep work.

Within two weeks, I returned to normal work hours.

I got rural broadband, jumping me from dial up speed to 1 GB per second.

It's a miracle.

Massive doses of Vitamin D3 and K2. Yay.

The new computer works great.

The Kickstarter did so well, we got to expand the graphic novel to 200 pages. Double yay.

I'm running late, but everyone on the Good Omens team is super supportive. I don't know if I am going to make the book late or not, but if I do, well, it surely wasn't on purpose, and it won't be super late anyway. I still have months of lead time left.

I used to be something of a social media addict, but now I hardly ever even look at it, haven't been directly on some sites in over a year, and no longer miss it. It used to seem important and now doesn't.

More time for real life.

While I think the last year aged me about twenty years, I actually like me better with short hair. I'm keeping it.

OK. Rough year. 

Not complainin', just sayin'.

Back to work on The Book.

And only a day left to vote for Good Omens, Neil Gaiman, and Sandman in the Comicscene Awards. Thanks. 

[waffledforbreakfast]

First Date- [MUTI! BLLK X F!READER]

(SEPARATE) pt1

Staring: Rin, Shidou, Sae,

pt2: Niko, Kaiser, Ness,

pt3: Otoya, Karasu, Reo

[ BLLK Scenario Masterlist ]

TW: heavy ooc, bad grammar, bad spelling, bad formatting, cringe, scuff, etc.

>Rin

[Horror Movie in theaters]

Rin doesn’t see himself as someone who freaks out or panics a lot, he likes to think he’s pretty chill

And yet here he was, preparing for a date ,8 hours before the arranged time. 

He pulled out a first outfit and stared at it, “I shouldn’t pick anything too fancy, it’s just a movie anyway…” he muttered to himself while pulling out more clothes

He finally had everything prepared, his fanny pack with all necessities, and his fit simple and practical

Now all he had to do was wait for the time… which was two hours from now

Rin ended up getting there 30 minutes before the arranged time…

“Hey Rin! Sorry if I’m a bit late…” you laughed awkwardly. You were not late, in fact, you were 5 minutes early. “Were you waiting for a long time?”

“No, not at all” he put his ear buds away and gave you his full attention “You ready to go?”

The two of you slowly made your way over to the theater, chit chatting about all kinds of things

“You wanna sneak some food in?” you grinned at him while pointing at a convenience store to your left

“That’s not legal is it….”

“...”

“Sure.”

You were in charge of grabbing snacks, and Rin grabbed drinks. He browsed the shelfs for a bit before grabbing four different kinds, including your favourite that you had mentioned on the walk

“Four?” you questioned the boy holding the bottles 

“Yea. I got your favourite and some others.” he held them up to show you, as if it was perfectly normal

“Won’t that cost a lot…?” she stared at him, slightly concerned as he placed the items on the register, the total was going much above what you’d thought

“I’ll pay.” he insisted. And pay he did, you didn’t even had time to respond before he tapped his card on the reader

“The only problem” he started, gathering the items “Is sneaking them in…”

“Oh, I can do that” you offered with a smile, sifting through the objects “I’ve got experience”

Rin nodded before pulling out his phone to check the time. Once he had put his phone away, all foods and drinks were out of sight

You just smiled at him as he just stared at you with wide eyes, as if he’d just seen a magic trick “Where did…” he looked you up and down, trying to figure it out

“Experience.” you gave a smug nod

The two of you made your way over to the cinema, successfully passed through security, and sat down into your seats [for the sake of the plot, it’s a pair of chairs that aren’t separated, so there’s nothing between you two😏 ]

You pulled out the snacks from who knows where and handed some to him

“So, what are we watching?”

“The Shining” he answered shortly, opening a bag of popcorn, silently wondering where you hid that much food

As the movie started, the two of you shared the snack and watched carefully, few words exchanged at first 

If you disliked the horror parts, he put an arm around you and hid your face into his neck. If it got really bad, he’d put his hands over your ears and smile at you to try and comfort you. 

Or he’d just whisper to you over the movie “It’s alright, I’m here.”, “Don’t worry, it’ll be over soon”, etc. Wouldn’t make fun of you if you cried (the first time LOL), he’d just hug you tighter 🥹

If you were fine with gore, or even as far as being interested in it (how do yall do it-), he just stared at you in awe.

It’s not like he’s bad with it, he’s just shocked that someone else enjoys it too, silently running through a list of movies you two could watch together in the future.

Not too many words were exchanged during it, but you two had lots of fun nonetheless.

“Thank you for bringing me today!” you smiled at him, making your way outside

“No problem, thank you for joining me.” Rin nodded while disposing of the snack wrappers and bottles

“Let me walk you back to the train station, it’s dark out.” he grabbed your hand and intertwined your fingers with his before leading you through the night

“Thank you” you gave a bow as you reached the station “I had fun tonight”

“Yea, me too…” he said, slowly realizing how beautiful you looked in the moonlight. He hoped the darkness of the night hid his blush

You leaned in and gave him a quick kiss while slipping a button from you shirt into his hands, a common way of expressing love in Japan

He covered his red face with a hand, while looking at the floor in embarrassment 

He took off his jacket just as you were about to leave and shoved it into your hands, “Don’t want you getting cold…” he barely mumbled, before preparing to leave

You gave him one last thanks before putting the jacket on as he left

As he walked home, he wasn’t actually that cold. Maybe it was because of the extra sweater he had underneath, maybe it was because he was hoping you’d ask for it and prepared earlier that day, maybe it was because his face was so hot from the interaction, who knows :x

He was smiling the whole walk home, and even took a wrong turn because he was so distracted, didn’t even put his earbuds back in because he was so focused on the memories of that day

Once he got home he texted you to make sure you did too

The two of you will 100% be going on another date, and this time, you’ll get to choose where ;) (just please don’t make him watch like, mlp… or do, that’d be pretty funny- )

>Shidou

[Arcade/just around the block]

How Shidou managed to convince you to go out with him? I have no clue.

This man was running around the house grabbing his things 5 minutes before you were supposed to meet up. It’d take 10 minutes to get there.

You were just scrolling as you waited for him, already 2 minutes late. You weren’t all that surprised, he was that typa guy after all. But you were surprised when he crashed into you, panting as he tried to catch his breath 

“I’m- *wheeze* sorry that I’m- *wheeze* late-” he was hunched over with sweat dripping down his face

How fast did he run??? You thought to yourself while silently facepalming.

“Here” you said, pulling out a plastic water bottle and handing it to him “Take a second to catch your breath”  

“Thank you- my goddess” he said, before chugging the whole bottle. Shidou finally gained his composure “You know, that was technically an indirect kiss” he teased while giving you back the bottle.

You threw it out.

He pouted for a second before following you down the street, “Sooo, where do ya wanna go first?”

“You don’t have anything planned?” you questioned him

“Nooo…. Was I supposed to-??” he didn’t realize he actually had to do anything-

“Well- you were the one who asked me out…” you mumbled more to yourself than him, “Nevermind, there’s a big arcade around here, wanna play a few rounds?”

“Hell yea!” he said excitedly 

Once you two had arrived, he bought you both a bunch of tokens (as an apology for being late/wanted to show off) and I mean a bunch.

You watched him play a few games, and you were pretty shocked with how good he was with some of them, I mean, how much practice could someone really have with Flappy Bird?? The chance-based games though- don’t even get me started LOL he’d either get really lucky, or really unlucky.

Eventually, you guys found the strength/reflex based games. The ones with hammers, buttons, etc.

He tried the one with the hammer first. It was a simple one, all he had to do was hit it as hard as he could, the harder the better. Shidou picked up the tool, and slammed it down on the sensor. You could’ve swore he broke it.

He turned at you and smiled brightly “Jackpot!”

“Damn, you’re good” you stated, gathering the tickets as you ignored the scared children in the background. “Let’s try Whack-a-Mole next!” He dragged you over to the minigame.

He won again.

As you gathered the tickets again, you thought you should show off a bit too…

You grinned before grabbing his hand and leading him over to a certain stall you saw on your way in. It was one you played many times and you could constantly score well on. 

You placed your belongings on the floor before starting up the game and stretching your fingers while Shidou just stared at his hand like he’d been touched by an angel

As the game started, you mashed buttons with your eyes focused on the screen at an alarming rate. Shidou’s eyes couldn’t even keep up, his jaw on the floor

Finally the game ended, with you beating the top score on the machine. You collected your mass amount of tickets and smiled at the boy “Jackpot!”

Shidou pouted “When were you going to tell me you were so good with your fingers~?”

You sighed as you continued to look around, “Hey Shidou look, if we beat these bots in a shooter game we get free pizza” you pointed at an advertisement stuck to the wall

He glanced at the poster quickly before giving you a devilish grin “You down?”

“Hell yeah.”

You picked up the prop gun in the booth and pressed the “Ready” button, waiting for the simulation to start. You closed an eye and pulled the fake trigger, shooting the zombies coming at you and Shidou.

You could hear his trigger-happy laughs from beside you as he one-shotted the enemies. Needless to say, you two won. Shidou stepped out the booth with a smug smile as you redeemed your free pizza, “You’re not bad~” he teased

You laughed “You’re pretty good too, Shidou”

You two sat down to eat as you chatted, “Thank you for coming today! I was really worried you were gonna ditch LOL” Shidou said nonchalantly as he scarfed down a slice 

“Is that why you were late….?” you asked, picking up your own slice

“Nah, I just forgot!” he smiled

After lunch, you played a few more games, amassing a very large sum of tickets. You and Shidou now stared at the prizes, thinking about what you wanted. “Hmmmm” he thought out-loud, “You can have all the tickets.” he looked at you with a smile 

“Really?” you asked skeptically “You sure? That’s a lot-”

“Yea, 100%. I don’t mind” he handed you his tickets “Just one thing in return…” he smirked at you mischievously

You hesitated but took the tickets anyway, “What is it…”

He pointed at his cheek, “Gimme a kiss” 

“...”

“...Please?”

You gave him a very quick one before going back to looking at the prizes, Shidou smiled and buried his face into his hands, looking up at you with hearts in his eyes 

You placed a huge plushie of your favourite animal on the table for the worker to scan, and you brought out the tickets to pay. Shidou came up to you from behind and clung onto your waist as he buried his face into your neck

The worker laughed as she handed you your plush, “Your boyfriend?” she questioned,

“Not quite-” you started, before getting cut off by Shidou,

“Soon.” he still latched onto you

After that, he walked you home and wished you a good day, he also asked for another kiss, it depends on you if you actually give it to him or not tho ;)

He’d plop himself on his bed and just think about everything that happened, and now he’s sure he wants to go out with you again, it’s not much of a choice ;)

>Sae

[Fancy Restaurant/late night car drive]

This may be the fanciest date you’ve ever been on- never had you dressed up so formally. 

You took a few breaths while waiting at the door for Sae to pick you, checking your phone every 2 seconds. And finally you got a next, “I’m waiting for you outside”

Sae walked out and opened the car door for you, holding your hand while escorting you in. As he closed the doors and started up the engine, he pulled out a small bouquet of flowers, “This is for you”

You took the flowers in your hands and blushed, you had only mentioned your favourite type briefly, and yet he still remembered. “Thank you, Sae.” you gave a short reply while looking at him brightly 

He couldn’t help but smile a bit at your reaction, silently freaking out about how good you looked

At the restaurant, you two were seated almost immediately, thanks to the reservation. He was a gentleman and everything, pulling out your chair for you, and kissing your hand lightly. 

“Hello! What can I get started for you?” a waiter came by with a notepad, ready to take your order, even though you’ve only had the menu for like 40 seconds. You’d need much more time than that to decide, but you didn’t want to bother them, so you flipped through the menu quickly trying to pick

“We’re still deciding.” Sae stated directly, putting his hand over yours which was tapping lightly on the table, a habit you developed when anxious. 

You gave him a thankful nod and smile, to which he blushed lightly

“Pick whatever you want” He said, “I’ll pay.”

You would’ve insisted on paying for yourself, but looking at the menu, there was no way you could afford it, so you thanked him and continued browsing 

After a bit, you decided what you wanted. You looked up at Sae and he was… looking at the kids menu-

I mean, who were you to judge? We love the kids menu, you just didn’t expect Sae Itoshi of everyone to look thought it

He eventually noticed you staring at him, and flipped to another section “Sorry..” he mumbled, slightly embarrassed. You had to hold in a laugh at the scene, and Sae only frowned playfully at you. “My little brother used to always get something from there.” he stated, “Anyway, have you decided what you want?”

He called the waiter over and you both imputed your orders.

While the two of you waited for your food, you started a conversation, which soon led to another, and another. You were teasing him about not knowing anything other than soccer, and you even managed to get a few jokes and affectionate eyerolls out of him, and finally your food arrived.

As the waiter put the plates down, your jaw dropped as your mouth watered, it was the best food you have ever seen. Your entire face lit up as you grabbed a utensil and started going at it, not thinking about anything other than the delicious taste.

“You look like you’ve been starved” Sae laughed as he picked up his own fork and knife, and started cutting his stake like a proper person, especially compared to you who had sauce by your lips

He grabbed a napkin and wiped it off, smiling at your flustered reaction

The two of you ate, occasionally exchanging words, but you were much too busy appreciating the food, and he was much too busy appreciating your beauty

You let out a content sigh as you put your fork down and smiled “That was good food.” you said, expression like you’ve just been blessed by the heavens

Sae silently laughed, he used to come here pretty often with his family, so things like these weren’t anything special to him, but you made it memorable.

He paid the bill and led you out the building, a small smile on his face.

“Where to now?” you asked as you got in the car “You said you wanted to show me something?”

“Mhm.” Sae nodded as he drove out the parking lot “It’s a bit far, but we can get there quickly” he had the tiniest grin on his face, his eyes hiding a bit of mischief 

You looked at him hesitantly, wondering what he was about to do. But you didn’t even have a second to adjust before he suddenly accelerated, much higher than you could’ve anticipated.

“AIDUSGFLAUEGF-” you let out a string of swears as you were pushed into the seat by the speed you were going while he laughed

If there were cars around, he would’ve crashed into one by now, or got pulled over. Luckily, it was pretty late at night and no one was around, so he could go however fast he wanted.

“Are you sure this is safe??” you yelled as Sae rolled down the windows

“Trust me.” he replied, before drifting 90° to turn

“See?” he said with a smile “Perfectly safe” 

The car was now going at a slightly more normal pace as he held one hand on the steering wheel and intertwined the other one with yours as you tried to comprehend what happened. “We’re almost there” he smiled

As you arrived, Sae helped you out as you looked around. I was just a huge empty parking lot, with seemingly nothing around, “What did you want to show me?” you asked

“Look up” he nodded at the sky

As you turned to face it, big fireworks of every colour shot up, lighting up the night sky.

You smiled, you always loved fireworks after all “They’re so pretty..”

 Sae pulled you in with a smile, “Not as pretty as you”. Sae leaned in and pressed his lips against yours, a sweet feeling engulfing you both.

As you finally pulled away, you buried your red face in his chest, still flustered. Sae smiled, as he put a hand on your hand, and another around your waist “Let’s get you home, my love”

A/N: jsut hit me that i have to put "SEPARATE" in the title or it sounds like a harem

[where-does-the-heart-lie]

The way you draw Luffy: Absolute Cutie Patootie, this bad boy can fit so many shenanigans in him

The way you draw Ace: Chiselled perfection worthy of the gods themselves, Holy Shit How Can A Drawing Be This Attractive Take Mercy On Me I Am A Humble AroAce I Don’t Deserve This

The way you draw Sabo: look at this pretty boy. there is something deeply wrong with him on an emotional, psychological and spiritual level. when gothic horrors describe beings so beautiful and so unnerving this is what I imagine.

Yeah, pretty much!

Thanks for the ask!

[naivegh0ul]

some ghost headcanons bc I cannot stop thinking about him

can't handle spices for the life of him. thinks salt is spicy

HATES horror movies. they make him paranoid :(

super clingy. he loves physical touch, just snuggling up to someone and resting his head on top of theirs <3

he has this stupid little nokia phone that looks tiny in his hands. he says it's practical bc it's hard to break but really he just can't be bothered to upgrade to a new phone

really tech savvy tho. loves to code

he likes to share his things (i.e the ghost team cutscene)

has fallen asleep standing up many times. he's like a horse and it terrifies the recruits

snores so goddamn loud it literally vibrates through the floors

he sneezes loud too. it's like a bomb going off. he scares himself with how his sneeze is sometimes

keeps a picture of him and his team in shoe

the best sense of direction ever. it's actually kind of scary. you could be lost in the middle of nowhere and ghost will point in a random direction, totally guessing and you'll end up out of the forest and back in civilisation

he says the worst jokes. they're so bad that they're kinda good

he's a cat person through and through. he likes dogs, sure, but he loves cats. especially black cats

only takes boiling hot showers. if the water isn't burning his skin, he doesn't want it. he doesn't like baths, it's too quiet and most of them are too small for him to fit into anyways

nsfw headcanons below the cut

when i said he was clingy, i meant it. this man will keep you in bed for hours, cock buried inside you as he lazily rocks back and forth.

sometimes he falls asleep while still inside you and gets really grumpy when you try to get up

loves pubic hair. he goes crazy when his partner has hair down there. he just thinks it's so damn hot

he likes shoving his fingers in your mouth. not to shut you up (though he does that a lot) but he just likes watching you gag a little on his fingers and then suckle on them softly

100% a brat tamer. he loves when his partners are fiery and playfully

he likes pliable, soft people as well. likes to see how obedient they are and how far they'll go to please him

he gives the best head it's actually insane

he's a hairy boy. absolutely covered in hair, especially on his chest and thighs

he can be so mean but so sweet in bed. cooing praises while he bends you over his knee, or stroking your hair as he makes you gag on his cock

LOVES to pull you onto his lap and grope you. he will grab you by the hips and try to yank you into his laps whenever you're near. just loves having you near/on him at all times

[watercloud7]

BATFAM PROMPT:

Feral Talon Dad Bruce Wayne AU

The bat kids are raised by a Cryptid zombie horror murder man who loves them very very much❤️

Bruce is sent to kill the Graysons by the court of Owls and kidnap their child to make him a Talon.

Dick witnesses the whole thing but because he’s so young in this AU like basically a toddler he’s terrified and when Bruce picks him up to take him back to the Owls Dick snuggles into him and sobs and screeches and he’s angry and confused and scared and tiny but This massive murder monster who killed his parents is the only comfort he has.

Dick is alone and he has no one. No one is coming to save him, no one is coming for him , his mama and daddy are gone and the only thing left is …. Whatever the hell this cryptid horror zombie is.

So Dick, takes his comfort where he can, which today comes in form of zombi does Bruce Wayne and that’s what it takes i guess.

Bruce breaks out of conditioning and vanishes into thin air with the kid. Only he doesn’t go back to the court.

Maybe this Bruce takes baby Grayson away and raises him as a feral murder baby.

They live secluded and away from anyone and anything. Maybe the mountains in Nanda parbat. They’re so discreet and good the league of assassins doesn’t even know their mountains are technically compromised.

Bruce raises Dick in complete secrecy. Literally like a wild child, Bruce occasionally travels to the town over to bring back toys and books and whatever he finds that he thinks would make Dick happy.

Dick sees and longs for peoples and connections and more. He loves Bruce but Bruce is basically like Ariel’s dad WORSE he’s basically mother gothel, he’s seen so many horrors and he’s so paranoid. He just wants his son to stay alive and away from any harm.

keeping Dixk locked away and safe from the Owls that mean him horrific torture and agony. Safe from the world, Safe with Daddy😭❤️.

SIGN LANGUAGE ENTHUSIAST BATFAM HEADCANON.

Bruce’s voice is … zombified and uncomfortable to use, so he teaches himself sign language and then teaches Dick. They invent their own dialect. Just for them😭

Dick gets big enough to want to see the world, to understand what happened, to find himself outside of his adopted eldritch Dad, and MAYBE! Make a damn friend like he’s been seeing in those picture books Bruce brings for him every week.

He “runs away” in a fit of teenage rebellion or whatever you wanna call it, after Dick gets caught sneaking into a village a couple kilometres from their Cosy little cave they like to call home.

Bruce is furious and terrified and he’s everything a scared father is after finding your kid missing from their room when they were supposed to be home hours ago.

Dick explodes in frustration and tears and off he goes.

He goes back to the beginning. To Gotham.

A half deadly Half sunshine all Feral Dick Grayson is roaming the world all alone when he stumbles across a considerably less feral

Less deadly Jason Todd.

Jay is an orphan and this weirdly affectionate clueless terror of a guy just imprinted on him

and won’t leave him alone.

I mean Scary bird boy is a stage 5 dumbass, zero bark, Zero bite 100% cuddles kinda guy.

(Seriously this dude has no concept of personal space and it’s bordering on infuriating) but Jason is like 99.9% sure he just saw him down crime alley snapping the resident rapists necks.

The men that call girls avoided and the police did isn’t care to arrest, so clearly bird boy is not a bad guy but he’s definitely not Harmless either.

Jason likes his style though.

Maybe the court of owls tries going after Jason or tries to kidnap Dick again.

Bruce finds them in the nick of time and slaughters every single one of the Owls once and for all.

Shenanigans ensue and they all bond.

Love love love. Bruce literally adopts him the minute he sees him.

Bruce and Dick teach Jay sign language.

Jason teaches Bruce and Dick how to read.

Jason loves his feral dad and brother.

MAYBE! Tim parents were Owls.

The rich wealthy elites of Gotham succumb to their nefarious ways in an ironic and cathartic end, survived by their heir Timothy Jackson Drake. Who up until now they had been grooming into becoming the next Owl man, he’s been trained to kill and torture and every other bad guy skills he needs to be their evil little successor.🫡

Bruce gets rid of them though.

WOMP WOMP.

Maybe after killing Timmy’s parents Bruce is just like…

Bruce: awwwwww this reminds me of how Dick’s surprise adoption went!

Tim:…. Bro you can’t just murder my parents and call this a surprise adoption.

Bruce: we can call this a kidnapping if you wanna keep it 💯 but either way you’re coming home with me

Tim: …. I ain’t even like em like that fr. Let me just pack a bag real quick.

The Drakes parenting was abhorrent so after Bruce kidnaps him ,Tim is viciously violent at first but after Bruce shows Tim patience and kindness.

Tim develops Stockholm syndrome like instantly and just latches onto Bruce like it’s the first instance of true love and care he’s ever felt.

Jason is actually the most normal and well

adjusted out of his Psychotic family. Ironically he’s the only one out of all of them that hasn’t killed someone lol.

Tim latches on violently to Dick & Jason, it’s adorable and scary and very creepy in a wholesome way. Tim absorbs any kind of attention like a sponge and has separation anxiety. He likes to watch them sleep and follow them every where they go like a puppy, only he does it in the shadows and takes candid pictures of them he collects religiously.

He’s a complete weirdo.

Dick finds him Absolutely delightful, he wants to gobble him all up and cuddle at every opportunity, he enables all Of his bad habits and Jason does his best to damage control and encourage Tim to dabble in more healthy hobbies and ways of showing affection but ultimately Dick Grayson remains undefeated as a bad influence.

Dick is a good big brother, so obviously he’s gotta participate in his baby brothers love language so Timmy can feel seen and appreciated.

So now Jason has TWO stalkers shadowing him everywhere he goes. 3 when Bruce is feeling sentimental.

Jason tolerates his families psychotic and feral behaviour because he loves them more then life itself and if anyone else said anything like that about them he’d snap their necks.

Jason shows his affection in normal ways like beating up peoples trying to start a fight with his brothers and cooking for them because they can’t cook to save their lives.

Sometimes Jason will wonder on how exactly Dixk survived all those years in that cave with an immortal Bruce who doesn’t need to eat.

(Bruce would catch wild animals and Dixk

Would eat the meat raw, sometimes he’d hold his blood soaked hand full of flesh out wanting to share with dad, but Bruce would just drag Dick closer to him and nudge him to keep eating his dinner)

Jason feels bad and bakes him sugary monstrosities included but not limited too:

Oreo chocolate chip maple soaked marshmallow pancakes.

Sour candy lucky charm jam filled donuts.

Triple Chocolate Nutella and peanut butter Reese cookies.

Jason is appropriately horrified at what he’s created every time.

But Dick tasted sugar for the first time and doesn’t know how to act.

The kids are living their best lives but Bruce Is SPIRALLING.

The more kids Bruce acquires the more stressed he gets.

There’s a really angsty scene where Bruce breaks down holding onto his kids and crying. He’s not a monster, he just wants these kids to be safe. He doesn’t wanna kill anymore, he doesn’t wanna hurt things anymore.

He wants to go home with his babies.

He wants to take all of them back to their busted creepy cave in nanda parbat.

But Dickie Isn’t a baby anymore, he wants his family close but he also wants MORE, he wants to be around people he wants to discover the world. Jason was born and raised in Gotham and Bruce can’t in good conscience rip his life apart like that.

And then there’s Timmy. Honestly the Tim is this AU is an unhinged obsessive gremlin, he just goes wherever his family wants to go, nothing else really matters to him but them.

And so Bruce decides to stay in Gotham and hides them all in an abandoned building. It’s kind of like a nest.

Bruce stashes his babies in a Makeshift safe house until he can figure out a way to make all this work.

Maybe Alfred finds their weird little makeshift Family when he stumbles into their safe house and manages not to get immediately killed.

Alfred is VERY worried about the state in which these kids are living.

He vows to lure them and their Dad to a safer better living arrangement.

Maybe Bruce gets severely hurt and the kids kidnap Alfred to patch Bruce up.

Alfred is appropriately horrified at the undead creature growling and hissing while he treats their mortally terminal wounds, but keeps as much composure as an ex-military general would about it.

Bruce like totally imprints on Alfred And like a cat, he drags each and every one of his kids into Alfred life for him to babysit and look after while Bruce goes out to do whatever zombie dads do.

Alfred has no choice in the matter and has effectively acquired spontaneous grandkids and a son.

Bruce: daddy?

Alfred: …. Boy do I look like-⁉️

They move in with Alfred basically over night.

Damian is either created Through the league of assassins who stole the courts strongest talon’s DNA (Bruce’s DNA) to recreate it. Or any other way I guess I donno? Maybe Talia and Bruce got jiggy with It at one point when they were in those mountains. PFFFF LOL GIVE ME IDEAS.

Gonna run with the first idea ?

Damian is created in a lab, Maybe the Drakes latest project was too recreate their greatest success which had been Talon!Bruce.

Tim revisits his parents lab randomly and discovers this. An abandoned lab and abandoned cryogenic chamber containing a baby.

Tim grabs the kids and runs back home.

Jason is exasperated and Alfred panics a bit cause…. Huh?!?!

Jason: Seriously guys? We can’t afford Another surprise adoption right now.

Alfred: do you mean a “kidnapping”

Jason: don’t be mean! It’s their love language 😡

Alfred: wonderful… is it safe to assume I’ll be raising yet another grandchild?

Jason: that’s the spirit, anyway we gotta find a much bigger apartment than this, it’s getting crowded.

Alfred: Ah, my sincerest apologies for the inconvenience caused by my oversight. It seems I should have anticipated my being abducted by a feral street urchin and his entourage of lethal pets. Quite the oversight on my part, I’ll begin apartment hunting right away sir.

Bruce, Dick, Jason, Tim, Damian: *living their best life while Alfred tries to wrangle them out of shenanigans*

Anyways They take Damian in and he’s just as feral and eldritch horror as his daddy. He’s got his big brother’s trademark behaviours too!

Tim’s severely anti social mess , Dick’s creepy uncanny valley nature and Jason’s love for baking!

It’s so sweet how much he takes after his sibling and Bruce couldn’t be more proud of his litter of horror.

Alfred is honestly such a trooper through all this, salute the GOAT.

I wrote this on a whim! If y’all wanna hear more about this AU, if you want it written, let me know!

[opheliasam]

the audience effectively participates in the further abuse of sam by failing to notice or at times deliberately dismissing/ trivialising instances of abuse performed against him . So he is silenced and isolated and blamed disproportionately yet again . By the narrative AND by the audience . And of course the onus of this is on the show and the way it uses narrative power to not only justify and rationalise abuse but perpetuate it too. but still . Still.

it wasn’t the incest show nor was it the secret destiel show it was actually a secret third thing that is truly . So much worse

[stupidlittlespirit]

Hey this was the anon who said you made Ford a cutie patootie 🥺🥺

I really agree with the whole 'bill and Ford were never romantic' vibe. I do believe Ford cared for Bill in a way, but Bill in general is also the abusive partner that enjoys having you in his arms and the moment you try to leave will make your life a living hell.

I think that's honestly why I hate most asshole!Ford fics lately. Except for your of course! Society really sees abuses victims horribly and especially men. Theres a pretty big part of the Fandom that vilifies Ford in a hateful way. Like I know he's done horrible and yes he treated Stanley and Fiddleford bad. But I wouldn't be surprised if his father never brought up Stanley after he kicked out, and expected his wife and Ford to follow. He if he did it was only negative talk on how useless he was. Ford was a child at the time and as he grew up he probably missed Stanley but was too prideful to pick up the phone first. And then he met Bill.

Someone who praised him and told him he was in the right no matter what. Yes he was awful to Fiddleford. But that's what abusers do. They tear down everyone else who can help you until it's only the two of you against the entire world. And honestly, I'm sorry but Fiddleford needs to get some hate for just leaving Standford like that. Being a friend to someone in an abusive relationship is awful. But if you know that they don't have anyone else, you have to put boundaries, you don't just leave! But I also can't blame Fiddleford all the way.

Idk idk I'm sorry for rambling, but honestly I think that's why most of the fanfic writers who write about Ford really forget that he was so horrifically abused and when as he got older all he felt was shame and he was alone for 30 years with that feeling.

First of all, sorry it took me so long to answer this! My PC is fucked and I needed to sit my ass down and type out a proper answer for you because I have so many feelings on this, anon.

This is all below a cut because it's looooong.

tl;dr if you don't care: Bill put a noose around Ford's neck the moment they met and convinced him it was a scarf until Ford was hanging from the rafters, feet twitching, face blue.

TW: Abuse, suicide.

Anyway, the kitchen is open so let's cook!

Bill is an absolutely horrific being.

I fear that sometimes (oftentimes) he gets the fandom woobification treatment where he becomes entirely The Meme or somebody's silly widdle guy and when it happens so much, especially when certain groups of people are hellbent on saying 'this is canon!' dead seriously, it warps perceptions around him.

He effectively manipulates his audience just as he manipulated Dipper and Ford.

Bill is a demon. Not just any old demon, either: The Demon. THE guy. He's vicious and powerful and manipulative, and sure in TboB we get to see that he carries some significant trauma with him but it doesn't mean he is any less than what he is: Evil.

Some trauma influenced behaviours can be explained, but they can never be excused.

Bill is a push-pull, hot-cold, jerk around asshole who gets off on hurting people because he's so badly hurt himself that it makes him feel good to see others suffer even a fraction of what he experiences. There are two types of people who go through trauma: 1. It happened to me and I was nearly destroyed, I'll never see it happen to another person for so long as I live. OR 2. I suffered so why shouldn't they?

It's pretty clear which category Bill fits into, right? So, while he hurts because he's hurting, he has also just grown accustomed to enjoying the suffering of others. It's sustenance to him.

I remember watching GF for the first time and seeing Bipper, and it awoke something within me: That demon is torturing a child. A CHILD. I hadn't been allowed to watch horror movies much as a kid and seeing this line be crossed where something was literally throwing a 12 year old boy down the stairs, stabbing him with forks, threatening to kill him, was incredible to me. I was floored.

Partially because I think it's good to show kids suffering trauma; they're not immune and they're more often than not the main victims. It's a disservice to make adults comfortable by protecting the children in media imo. Even nowadays I'm pissed off when the child character escapes unscathed from the 'all knowing totally evil demonic force' in a movie because I still crave that rawness and cruelty I saw in Bipper when I was younger.

But I digress. It's also because here was a being so nasty that he'd play GTA 5 in a kid's body just for funsies and to get something that he wants. He'd bully and torture and tease and humiliate. That's rough, man. Real rough. Especially knowing the kid was watching it all happen, completely helpless.

Anyway; Bill memes are fun, but not at the cost of forgetting just what Bill actually is.

When it comes to Ford, Bill does the same thing we saw with Dipper, except Dipper has morals. Dipper has love and light and people to keep him grounded.

Ford had none of that. Ford was abused, just like Stan (though I could go on for hours about the differences), and grew up equating love to success and respect to fear. He was set up for social failure. He was put on a very different track to his peers almost immediately and he was isolated from everyone bar Stan from the moment he was born. Stan grounded Ford and kept him human.

Ford had no chance right from the start. The equation of being smart, knowing you're smart, and then having people Grima Wormtongue in your ear your whole childhood, when you're most malleable, that you're responsible for lifting your family out of poverty, you're the Good Son, you're meant for more, you're the one we love the most but only because you serve a purpose so you better not fail or we'll snatch everything away from you and you'll be just like your purposeless brother.... And you don't want to be like your loser brother who we hate, do you Fordsy?

He doesn't start lost in the sauce, but his head is held under until he has no choice but to breathe it in, and when someone is drowning it's hard to tell from the shore if they're having fun or if they're in trouble. Nobody noticed his distress and if they did, they didn't care. He was vulnerable right from the start.

And you're right about people hating male abuse victims. The stats are really skewed on the amount because there's such shame around coming out about it as a guy that we'll never really know just how prolific it is. The same as sexual assault stats for men. But what I can say is almost every male friend I've ever had has told me about a partner of theirs or an old relationship that is just plain old black and white abusive. Most of the time, they shrug it off or don't even know that's what they suffered, and if I have to watch the light change in another man's eyes when I gently tell him "hey, you know that what you're telling me is that he/she abused you, right?" then I'm going to scream. They're looked down on for coming out about it; considered weak and less manly for it. Humiliated for it.

Now imagine how it was when Ford was a boy in the 40's (or whenever he was born, there are no solid dates afaik). He'll have been raised to believe men are strong and that they don't cry, they don't let people push them around, mental illness isn't real you're just pathetic. It's everything I just mentioned but 1000x more intense. Nowadays, men are laughed at. Back then, you'd be ostracised and made the joke of the town until you killed yourself.

So poor old Ford, who is already on the back foot, ends up suffering for his genius and throwing himself into his work when it becomes apparent to him that he 'has no other uses' as a person. He isn't funny, he isn't handsome, he's a freak, he can't hold conversations (all his opinions and from others) etc etc. All he has is his research and his brain.

He loses himself in it. In his excitement (which is innocent and genuine by the way, I don't believe he had bad intentions), he drags his best friend along (and we'll get to Fidds in a minute, I have a lotta thoughts on him too) and ignores other people's distress because he's having fun and 'doing the right thing' in his opinion, he's driving innovation and he's always been told by other, more prestigious people that he's justified in his cause.

His father probably enforced at a young age that people that get in his way are just trying to hold him back (ie. Stan), so; If the hillbillies in this damn town don't have the IQ to understand me, then they're idiots. It couldn't possibly be that I might be encroaching on their lives or causing them problems and getting in their way whilst they try to work as labourers or whatever, it's because they're wrong and I'm right.

And of course, there were times when Ford didn't really actually do anything wrong and was met with animosity, but he didn't have the social skills to diffuse the situation and explain himself in layman terms, so it fed into this Ouroboros of try to be nice and social - fail - create friction - get lost in research - create friction - try to be social - fail etc.

So he's not getting socialisation from others, he's pushing Fiddleford as hard as he can and Fiddleford understandably has other interests to balance which makes him slowly seem less invested, and then, conveniently, up pops Bill.

Bill, who agrees with everything Ford says. Bill, who justifies all the thoughts and feelings Ford has ever had. Bill, who tells Ford everything he's ever wanted to hear from his father and his peers and his brother and his wildest dreams.

Bill, who knows how isolation and flattery works to weaken prey.

You have to admit: Bill's work was impressive. He spent a year, maybe even longer, committing to the bit over Ford. Giving him everything he wanted, feeding his ego, making it seem like all he was doing was helping him and encouraging him and propping him up.

Ford had had a weak form of that before from other people, but those people were parasites. Bill presented as the host and he offered Ford a crutch for the first time in his life. A friend, an equal, possibly someone of even higher standing.

And Ford, who has NO social skills, no street smarts, no emotional awareness, had no idea that nothing comes for free from somebody like Bill, so he jumped into the shallow pool from the 100 meter board with both feet down, eyes shut and hands off the wheel. Ford was desperate for someone to meet him on his level and the moment somebody did, he let himself be swept away by it.

Which, of course, was Bill's plan all along. Bill had probably always been around Ford when he'd first come to Gravity Falls. He'd been watching and waiting for the right time to strike, as ambush predators do, and the moment Ford had stumbled on a metaphorical crack in the path and exposed a weak spot, up pops Bill to hold his hand and tell him that the pavement was in the wrong the whole time and really, Ford shouldn't have to look where he's putting his feet, the whole world should just move for him instead.

From there, it would have been easy.

I think Ford likes to think he's complex and hard to read, and he probably is to people who don't recognise his type, but he's a fucking picture book to the people that do. That's why he works so hard to make himself seem cool and mysterious: because he's really obviously none of those things but simple smoke and mirrors go a long way to confuse people who don't care to look any deeper or are too naïve to do so. If people see the real him, they'd laugh at him (in his opinion).

So Bill, with all his flattery and gassing up, would have let Ford think the ball was in his court for a while, and Ford, emboldened by lies and a literal god-like being telling him he was right (plus everyone else from his past telling him the same thing), got bolder and more intense and lost himself without even really realising it was happening.

Ford, in his enthusiasm, pressed on Fidds even harder and was disappointed that the only man he cared about (other than his brother, because we know he still loved Stan dearly) wasn't able to match his stride. After all, I think Ford probably thought Fidds was the closest thing to an equal he'd ever had, and Bill used Fidds' hesitation to push Ford further away from him.

Once Ford was fully blinded, Bill began to cut off the blood to the other parts of Ford's lifeforce (and there weren't many to begin with) with delicate expertise that even the most prolific of abusers would die to achieve.

And don't forget that Bill also loves attention (he's a genuine egotistical maniac, whereas I don't think Ford is inherently egotistical, I think he's a product of his environment) and Ford gave him that unconditionally because Ford thought that blind worship equates to love, which is only possible through fear and forced, submissive respect. By cutting off Ford's other connections, Bill got all the attention to himself.

That's where the fun part started for Bill. Bill started to make him second guess himself. He tricked him under the guise of helping and then, without Fidds to ground him, Ford bought into all of it. He told Ford the townsfolk hated him because he was better than them, he told Ford he was too good for everyone else, his brother, etc. Bill effectively became Filbrick's voice in Ford's head. He needed to control Ford.

People think 'seduction' is inherently sexual or romantic, but it isn't. Seduction is manipulation in its purest form. Seduction is negative. It is used to pull people away from their path in order to convince them to give up or go against the part of themselves that knows better. It lowers one's guard. It gets under someone's skin and convinces them it belongs there. I've been a sex worker for 10 years; trust me when I tell you I have a PhD in both doing this and being victim to it. (I'm also an abuse survivor and my abusers trained me well in this which is hard to unlearn at times.)

Bill seduced Ford into thinking he was safe and in control right up until the last moment when Bill could strike. He put a noose around Ford's neck the moment they met and convinced him it was a scarf until Ford was hanging from the rafters, feet twitching, face blue.

Ford was never in love with him and Bill wasn't with Ford. You can't be in a situation like that. Ford respected Bill and to command the respect of someone like Ford? Well, you'd have to be pretty special, in Ford's opinion.

Bill only wanted to possess Ford, literally and figuratively. He wanted something to control and use and keep as a pet while he got what he wanted. Every king needs a jester.

There are signs that Bill also, deep down, might have wanted a friend and to be understood in the same way Ford did, but it was a small part of him that came second to his desire to hurt. Bill was also an outcast and he knew how vulnerable that makes a person; why else are all his henchmaniacs outcasts too? Because it's easy to persuade a person with no support into a perceived 'found family' than it is to do it to someone who is grounded by love. It becomes a game of in-group out-group.

Ford saying no to Bill would have taken great strength after all that time and as soon as Bill doesn't get what he wants, he destroys. It would have been an immediate punishment and that whiplash would have been vicious.

Ford, with no real friends, would have considered Bill his bestie, effectively.

Now, idk if you've ever been betrayed by someone you love as a best friend, but it is INFINITELY more painful than a regular breakup. Like, impossibly so. Especially when you don't have many to begin with and you're already damaged by abuse.

My love for my best friends runs deeper than any romantic partner I have ever had and will ever have. To be betrayed (and for me, it was seriously significant) was the worst feeling in the world and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I attempted suicide (conflated by other things but also because of this friend betraying me) and I will never get over their betrayal. I am wary of getting close to others now because of that and I don't think I'd ever be friends with someone so intimately again, beyond the best friend I have currently (shout out @/ghostbu, i love u).

So to experience a rug pull of astronomical proportion would have been devastating for Ford. We see Ford try to leave, try to say no again and again, literally begging, only to have his life threatened, his body violated, his work destroyed, his entire existence made into nothing. Which is a hard enough fall for someone with a big ego, but for someone who is also vulnerable and frankly, quite very emotional alongside being intelligent, would be gutting. Some people miss Ford's emotionality and reduce him to being The Smart Guy and I think that's a disservice.

So Ford was utterly ripped to shreds, both physically and emotionally, until he could only turn to the person he knew would still come running: Stan.

Stan adores his brother, so of course he came when Ford clicked his fingers. Ford, I think, also adores Stan, but is so manipulated by everybody else in his life that he convinces himself that his emotions do him a disservice and make him weak (as mentioned before about old attitudes), so he can't 'lower' himself to examine them. Bill doesn't help with that, either.

Stan came running and we all know what happened next.

Ford then spends 30 years NOT being the smartest guy in the room and realising he never really was the smartest guy in the room outside of academia. That kind of ego death is brutal and he would have gone through some incredible soul searching in that time period, which is why I think there are several versions of Ford that exist. Childhood/College!Ford, Research-era!Ford and Post portal!Ford. They all different men to me, personally.

So yeah, he's a deeply difficult character to understand imo and he's often a paradox because he doesn't know how to hold all these emotions in tandem; he's black and white, not grey.

Now, onto Fidds:

You gotta remember, Fidds had no idea what Bill was doing to his beloved friend.

Ford kept him a secret because in his view (a view manipulated by Bill), 'they'd never understand us. They'd separate us'. A common sentiment by people being abused. 'They' being really anybody with half a brain who saw how dangerous Bill was and cared about Ford.

Fidds was already absolutely terrified by the stuff he was seeing. My guy grew up on a pig farm in the country, he wasn't prepared for all this stuff to be real. Even Ford didn't know the supernatural was provably real before he came to Gravity Falls.

Now, I love cryptids but if I came across a dogman or bigfoot in real life, I'd fucking shit myself. They're scary! They'll kill you!

He also saw his best friend fucking lose his mind and that's really frightening too, especially with no one around to help.

Fidds had people that loved him back home (and I know he wasn't great to them, that's a different kettle etc) and relied on him. He had a life outside of his research; a son, a wife, a family and probably other friends. He had something to lose. If he died, it would have an effect.

Ford was cavalier because the only thing he thought he had to lose at that point was his work (not true, of course, but in head I think his life came second to his work).

Fiddleford was a victim of Ford's unintentional abuse. And Ford did abuse people, even if he was also being abused. The cycle of abuse is, unfortunately, very very real and it can't be justified just because someone who inflicts it was also a victim: Manson was abused, but no one excuses his crimes.

Explanation, not excuse, remember?

I think Ford was turned into a bad person temporarily and Fidds bore the brunt of that and went on to neglect his own family because he was also being isolated by Ford.

It's so fucking tragic and I could go on for hours about this (I already have, this took me two hours to write). They're really complex people and it does frustrate me when people pooh-pooh them as silly yaoi babies or as just plain bad people. It's never that simple.

And disclaimer: Everyone is entitled to their interpretations, obviously. They're not my characters and this is my own interpretation, so it isn't 'right', it's just how I see them as somebody who experienced similar things as Ford and Stan (minus the literal demonic element).

Whew sorry for rambling!

[xo-cod]

141 boys treating hyperfeminine!reader as goddess headcanons? 🩷

i got a little confused with what you mean lmfao, i hope this is what you wanted :') <3

ooc/rushed/can be read platonic or romantic 🤍

each of them are very territorial of you even if they don't mean it to be, it just happens especially because you're a precious thing they constantly want to shield away from the horrors of the job

even if you see it, they do try their hardest to limit the gory viewing of it

ghost grumbling about all your pretty items saying that it clogs the space but him secretly taking keeping a few to keep safe.

you know about it and he knows that you know but you never say anything about it

and he keeps them close to his heart on those days he's missing you a little harder <33

he's your handyman no matter what, has gone head to head with price on this

if anything is wrong in your apartment, he's there instantly fixing away with the tip of his tongue stuck between his lips if he's been at it for a while/lost in thought

he wants to do everything for you, has to hold himself back because he knows you're capable and very smart

but it's hard because you're a lil sunshine packed in a human that he can't help but want to squeeze

def gets cuteness aggression with you, cannot help it. will try his hardest to fight against it

gaz is so tender with you, he constantly appreciates every single little thing you do for him

could've bawled into tears at the time you cooked him breakfast complete with fresh hand squeezed juice and pancakes with syrup

and when you handed it to him with a sweet smile, he felt his heart crumbling into a billion pieces

bodyguard no matter where you're going, even if it's to the shop up the road he's coming along

soap has a small tendency to cling onto you whatever you're doing

it's not outright in a childish sense but moreso lingering touches and holding you subtly

it's just in his nature, he misses you so bad whenever you're gone on a mission and you're unavailable for however long that period is

fights price to come with you but gets shut down because he's needed somewhere else

could've cried about it, but he didn't ‼️

price didn't know how much he needed you until you came into his life

not only were you a competent intelligent technical analyst, the best he had on the team

but even off duty, how kind hearted and sweet you were with him

it opened a whole can of worms he thought hadn't even existed

they're all like little children when you're doing your own thing and they're just watching you

all of them being intrigued by your makeup, pointing at several things and asking what the purpose is

"why's is so pointy?" soap had found your eyeliner, looking in the mirror as he attempted his own liner but the poor thing ends up looking like a panda by the time he's done and awkwardly laughing as he hands you back an eyeliner pen that's a little broken now from how frustrated he got

"you waste money when you buy the same things. you just get one and stick with it" simon is loyal king to his own products, the same brand of shampoo he's been buying since the early 2000's is fighting for its life. will never understand why you buy so many blushes/eye shadows/lipsticks but likes watching you put it on

"i watched a video about this yesterday, here lemme help" gaz, always the perfect helper. because what do you means he's gonna let you struggle if your eyeliner is matching on both sides??? he's gonna help you with it ‼️

price, bless his heart just wants to be involved but he doesn't know how to. awkwardly smiling, nodding his head telling you, you did a great job and there's no flashback (learnt the word one time. doesn't know what it means but it sounds fitting)

them poking fun at the candles you used but buying the exact same ones to use at their own homes because it reminds them of you

soap and gaz love the scent in your home, always trying to recreate it in theirs but it never coming close to yours <33

if you're ever running low on anything, it's refilled the next day

yes they all have keys to your house

because why do you need to use your pretty hands when they're here to help you?

game over if you paint your nails in their favourite colour

soap is so proud, constantly showing your hand off and telling you that it should be a permanent colour

gaz being so smug about it, his favourite colour is the most superior therefore it needs to be permanently coloured on your nails

ghost doing a double take at your nails, his heart melting when he sees them, can't not resist touching them or trying to touch them lmaooo

price telling you outright that it suits you and him telling you subtly that it needs to be an every day colour

all of them fighting for their lives trying to pay for your nail appointment but the other trying to butt in

and when you have a bad day, working yourself to the bone all of them step up and intervene

"c'mon sweetheart, it's been a long day" price is very gentle with you, holding you up by your hips as he looks at you inspecting your fatigued state. it hurts his heart when you work yourself to death for this team

"there we go, bonnie. i made you a cuppa" johnny handing you his famous hot chocolates in your hands, helping you take a few sips as he holds you gently in his arms

"i'll run the bath for you, pretty" gaz kissing your temple before he plucks your towel and a bath bomb, determined to make the prettiest most relaxing bubble bath you've ever seen

"c'mere lovie, enough for today" simon holding you to his chest as he takes you put of your seat and helping you stand up. his thumb gently brushing over your cheek with a soft sigh, his affections practically radiating off from him in waves. he may not be a man of poetic words but his actions tell you what he says anyway

and if you have enemies, congrats they have four more

heaven forbid you ever meet kortac, especially könig. simon's got words to say ‼️

[jesterwriting]

empty inbox ya say? Don't mind if I show up!

So, I am a lover of the grumpy x sunshine kinda trope, but I want to hear your thoughts of crocodile having an caotic partner? Always having some kind of prank or stupid joke, just to see crocodile crack a smirk or something, but no matter how much they try, they always fail to so. So, after one day that the little sunshine tried so hard of trying they just pout around croc, and he just to try to cheer up his darling just a little, try to crack one of his own stupid joke just to see them laugh a little and go back into being his sunshine

(if you are not comfortable/don't find the prompt as entertaining, you can skip it tho, okay?)

pairing: crocodile x gn!reader

contents: established relationship, fluff, bad jokes, sunshine!reader, crocodile and his soft spot for you, he acts annoyed but hes entirely smitten i promise

word count: 1.1k words

note: OMG this was such a cute idea!! grumpy x sunshine is one of the best tropes ever, im such a sucker for it. im not particularly good at writing chaotic reader, though i definitely tried to make them quite silly. thank you so much for your request anon <33

playlist: dance the night by dua lipa

To an outsider, your relationship with Crocodile could, very easily, be one of the most confounding relationships one had ever seen. Of course, there had been more ill fitting partnerships out there, but you and Crocodile were close runners up. He was a large, intimidating man, with a harsh expression, and an even harsher tone. When he was displeased, his words alone were enough to rip apart an idiot’s flimsy confidence. Crocodile was a man of wealth and status. The only thing that ran deeper than the promise of violence, was the sand he was made of.

You, on the other hand, were the exact opposite. Bright and full of sunshine, you practically glowed against Crocodile’s side. With a smile so wide, it almost hurt to look at you. There was a softness to you that was absent in Crocodile. There had been more than one occasion where you were seen helping a wayward insect back outside, cupped gently against your palm, or offering directions to a lost couple who ran off in terror when your infamous husband approached. The crowd watched in horror when you scolded him with an elbow to the ribs. Crocodile did nothing but roll his eyes.

When you weren’t helping the lost, with your terrifying husband looming over your shoulder, you were a whirlwind of chaos. Prank after prank on unsuspecting visitors to the casino were done in your name. Nothing too egregious, you never aimed to harm, all you wanted was to make people laugh. A task you succeeded in, at least when you were alone. Crocodile’s unamused expression as he carted you away, laughing uproariously, did little for the mood.

It was only in the privacy of your shared abode did those pranks find a target in Crocodile. You respected your husband’s boundaries. Not once did you consider making a fool of him in public — not that it was your intention, you simply knew Crocodile well enough to know that was how he would take it — nor did you even consider any pranks that involved water. It was a damn shame. A bucket of water over the door was truly the prank of all time. Just imagining Crocodile, soaked to the bone, cigar wet and limp against his lips as he stared at you with such crushing annoyance, was enough to make you snicker out loud.

However funny it may be, your bits weren’t worth losing Crocodile’s trust. Such a thing was a rare gift from your husband, very few people alive had the honor to receive it. With a hint of pride, you considered the possibility that you were the only person alive to say that Crocodile felt safe enough to confide in them. Boy, if that didn’t make your heart absolutely swell.

Your only regret was, no matter how many jokes you played, you never got Crocodile to crack a smile. Even when you covered his desk with sticky notes — “Y/N, you realize you’re cleaning this up.” — or that stupid crank call you did a few weeks ago — “No, my refrigerator is not running, don’t call this number again.” — were not enough to get the barest huff of a laugh.

That was how you found yourself in Crocodile’s office, hanging upside down in the chair in front of his desk. It was normally reserved for when he had a private meeting, but today he was stuck doing paperwork. It was silent, save for the scribble of his pen against top secret documents you weren’t supposed to see, but would be able to look at with a single ‘please.’

“C’mon, you think I’m funny.”

Crocodile didn’t look up from his work as he responded, “I think you’re foolish.”

“Yeah, but I’m your fool.” Flipping around in your chair, you swung your legs over one arm and hung your head off the other. Boredom was not an uncommon foe during quiet afternoons with Crocodile. You needed near constant stimulation to keep yourself in check, and for all the reasons you loved him, Crocodile did, in fact, have a massive stick up his ass. “You’re a king and I’m your jingling little fool. Let me tell you a joke.”

Crocodile grumbled under his breath, but he didn’t tell you to stop. With a grin, you said, “Why did the egg hide?”

With a sigh, he dropped his pen to run a hand through his hair. “Why did the egg hide, Y/N?”

Patting a drumroll against your thighs, you paused for dramatic effect. Seconds passed in silence, save for your palms’ rhythmic song against your thighs, Crocodile’s eyebrows furrowing deeper and deeper the longer you continued. Finally, you blurted,

“It was a little chicken!”

Crickets. Your husband didn’t even spare you a response before his pen was in his hand again, signing who knew what. With a roll of your eyes, you flopped from the chair and onto the floor. The carpet was soft against your palms.

“Okay, that was bad, but you could have at least said something.”

“You’re going to have to say something funny to get a response out of me,” Crocodile rumbled, not even bothering to glance at you while you laid on the floor.

This sucked. You could make everyone laugh, all except for the one who mattered to you the most. A part of you wondered why you didn’t give up. You were sure you were being at least a little annoying — though the smaller voice in your head reminded you that Crocodile was one to request time alone when he was in a bad mood.

“Fine. No more jokes, spoilsport.”

No response. Fine then, at least the floor was comfortable.

For the next twenty minutes, you kept yourself busy by counting ceiling tiles, or by fighting the urge to reach under Crocodile’s desk and steal his shoes. No more pranks, remember, you told yourself. Not until you stopped feeling like a big ol’ pile of poo, at least.

“How do you make a plumber cry?” Crocodile’s voice surprised you after going so long without hearing it. (It’d been thirty minutes, maximum, though it felt like an eternity)

You wet your lips before you responded, already feeling a giggle bubbling in your chest. “How?”

“Kill his family.”

You burst out laughing. Curling your fingers against the edge of the desk, you popped your head into his view, positively beaming. While Crocodile was never one for grandiose displays of emotion, he graced you with one of his rare, honest smiles.

“That’s more like it, doll.”

[dungeonsandblorbos]

out of context campaign notes part II

featuring some of my favorite lines from the first three sessions of Curse of Strahd (campaign intro here), in which the party meets each other for the first time, gets tricked into entering trapping themselves in Barovia, and naturally ends up in the Death House almost immediately. we do manage to clear the Death House, though, and finish up the third session by meeting Ismark and Ireena!

[content warnings for CoS typical body horror undead monsters, implied harm to children, and harm to a cat, but the cat is okay, don't worry. unfortunately cannot say the same for the children this time. read more cuts off before any of that starts, however]

god said shut up you idiots

~just cleric things~

i have been mistaken for a server

a drenched man in brightly colored clothes is standing there, dripping everywhere

i raise my hand, but the dude ignores me

i’ve heard werewolves don’t like eating in the rain

Shalden has worm brain

the half-orc house [at a gambling table] sparks up a conversation with him, asking him where he’s staying tonight and why he’s so cool with giving up gold

Shalden gets the vibe that maybe this guy wants to rob him

also, they’re speaking orcish, which kinda sounds like scooby-doo talk

traveling altar boy

it’s a beautiful sunny day, but there’s mud and shit and fallen branches everywhere and all that jazz

dope: it’s what’s for breakfast

just to be clear, the stable boy is a 40-year-old man

Shalden: I’m gonna squat and pray

50lbs of dead horse

we aren’t in kansas anymore

there isn’t a town, but there is the overwhelming stench of death

there was no horse, or, at least, not anymore. Arrigal likes to think he makes a good horse impression though

i call him a dick. the other people at the table laugh

i ask if there’s a way to get home. he’s all “this is home” and I’m like “nah bro” and he’s like “it is now, bitch, deal with it”

there is no sun, hence everyone’s lovely complexions

the woman next door is called Mad Mary, and she’ll probably forget about us in five minutes and be back to screaming again

we head west and start snooping at the most disheveled looking house

out of every hole and shadowy place pours hundreds of mangy rats

this is the only well-oiled gate in the village

we roll initiative. nothing happens.

the suits come alive and attack us. what a surprise

something crawls out of the walls and puts itself in front of the elf

it looks like a slug or an octopus at first but, uh, well, “logically, if there’s a bare skeleton, something must have happened to the fleshy part”

it’s the fleshy part.

it’s wearing a butler’s uniform.

gross.

DM: it’s like a scarf of flesh that’s slowly squeezing on you

they murder it to death, and it flumps on the floor next to the skeleton

it leads to some stairs going up. at the top, there’s three rooms. one is a storage room with mysterious piles covered in cloth that might be corpses, and things in the walls that are definitely corpses. one is a storage room that’s not filled with corpses, and the third is a children's room

there’s a missing bone from one of the skeletons [of the children whose ghosts we are trying to put to rest]. you look over and see Snowflake [a cat] gnawing on it

i cast light on my hammer bc, as a human, i cannot see in the dark

the corpse room was originally gonna be a playroom, but then, ya know . . .

i don’t like that

apparently, Gricks sometimes eat metal

bad vibes from the dust people

there’s a severed hand running along his arm now

you are about to get punched in the face by a disembodied hand

none of the figures are aggressive, but they are ominously chanting: blood shed for life, blood shed from death, blood for the blood god, blood something something blood something

the alcove is just an alcove, with a pile of bodies and a hole up at the top

hypothesis: will bleeding give us a way out?

does this mean our own blood, or do we have to stab the baby corpses?

Valessha decides to slice their palm over the altar to see if that helps

it does not

Shalden decides to stab a baby corpse

it also does not help

Snowflake is moving a lot

noooooo we don’t have to kill the cat, do we?

let’s try stabbing Eliza!

she doesn’t react to Valessha trying to stab her, she just kinda stares

the chants are becoming faster and more frantic, and by now it’s basically just “blood”

well, the timer has run out

there’s a familiar sucking sound, and then corpse pieces fall into the water around us, and begin dragging themselves towards the alcove, where they all join together into a writhing mound of bodies

sounds crunchy!

it’s wailing, and at the center is the two babes

it’s gonna go for you [Shalden]; you’re big and meaty

advantage all over it

you are trapped in a giant ball of people meat

Shalden: i fork a chunk out of it, like you fork a ham steak

you fish Gustav out of it!

i’m knocked out, and fail my first death save

fortunately, i landed face up, so i don’t have to roll to avoid drowning!

Shalden luckily lands the final blow just then, the thing melts, the pool fills with blood, and the illusion begins to fade. everything is on fire now

the mansion goes up in flames, but we manage to get out mostly intact. Shalden does get hit by basically every single piece of falling debris tho

there’s a voice behind us

it’s a lightly accented masculine voice

it's the dude from the cult figurine!

he’s suave and hot and has dark shoulder-length curly hair 

he brushes Shalden’s cheek and he instantly regains 10hp

useless lesbian, new 5e background option

it’s strahd! he’d like to welcome us to barovia

he’s having a bit of a . . . party . . . at his “humble abode” and would like to invite us

i’m gonna take that invitation like “yes sir”

strahd also wants me to hand over my bag, which has the cat in it

he gives Snowflake some scritches while explaining how he doesn’t like cats

and then he throws my bag into the middle of the house fire!

[don't worry Snowflake escaped the bag]

he [Snowflake] is running, on fire, through a town built out of very flammable materials

poor mister Snowflake, who i am carrying like a baby

we are able to find the burgermeister’s house to deliver his body

it looks like someone has climbed over the wall and walked through the roses, repeatedly

the door of the mansion is closed

should we knock? maybe they’re friendly and will let us stay with them for the night

i bet that flesh creature felt like this piece of brie

he opens the door, looks at us, then looks at the body, and goes, “ah. again." this is apparently the fourth time his father's body has gone missing.

he is called Ismark, Ismark the Lesser

we deposit the body in a coffin in the office

Ismark: do you drink? / Cerris: yes. please.

Ismark goes to get us a 25 year vintage

as we’re chilling, a dagger flies at Shalden from the hallway

a woman comes running down the hall accusing him of working with Strahd bc, ya know, inhuman

why are you purple?

oh my god karen, you can’t just ask someone why they’re purple

this is racist

Ismark: these aren’t Strahd’s men; they’re half dead! he wouldn’t send people this incompentent. besides, they brought Father back

Ireena is Uncertain about us

come on, he’s only a half-orc, that means he’s only half-stupid

this has been out of context campaign notes part II.

~thank you~

[hotpinkstaples]

my favorite thing about about the 90's young justice solos is that they catered towards three distinct audiences, and yet after all these years, the one that would have been LEAST likely to be projected into nowadays is now the MOST woobified out of the three.

tim: a story for white kids, by a white guy who hates poor people, and didn't really take itself OUT of that white-male-projective-state even after all these years. bonus note, now the gays can project into tim cuz timbo's finally out the closet, and chuck dixon wants to kill himself over it, but it's ok bc we like tim even tho we don't like chuck.

bart: a story initially about a time-displaced refugee whose narrative heavily mirrored a refugee's forced assimilation into a new culture WHILE also appealing to the adhd/autism crowd, which the writer was absolutely OK with because bart's story can be accepted by BOTH the refugee narrative enjoyers and the adhd/autism crowds without impinging on his narrative poignancy, plus mark waid actually loved bart and he loves that WE love bart. inshallah he will write his boy again.

kon: a story about teenagers who are being neglected, and so he's acting out every which way and partying it up because he was meant to appeal to the 90's teenage rage and show how easy it is for kids to get caught up with predators like knockout and tana because of the lack of structure and discipline in their lives, but when geoff decided to ignore nearly ten years of creator-run canon, we had to deal with his timkonnie dreams, and now geoff's leaving, so now we gotta deal with the yja nonsense and some lady's self-insert dreams going into a character whose writer is not only still alive, but actively on the bi!kon train but from the 90's crackhead era perspective. and HE'S the one most woobified.

it's absolutely facinating cuz you'd think kon would be the most hated out of the three bc of his issues with consent and the unhealthy ways he frames relationships, but instead it's BART who people hate the most! bart's being infantalized and discounted and used at a third-man-ship-prop, while tim's being rewarded for being an emotionally strugglesome white man who just came out of the closet, and it's not nearly as bad as how bart's getting his ass beat in the fandumb, but poor tim can't even date his high school homie in peace without someone crying about how he 'deserved' kon instead.

to think that the character with that many issues would be the MOST woobified character in the yj cast is insane, bc what are you even woobifying? his depersonalization? his lack of boundaries with women? his inability to read a room? the fact that nobody loves nor cares about him enough to protect him from the horrors of the world? the fact that he was a stellar example of a CSA survivor who didn't even KNOW he was a victim of CSA, and thus wasn't really able to understand the ramifications of his inappropriate behavior until years later when he forced himself into a masculine fold so he didn't fall into the trap of being like 'the old him' again?

kon's story was a story of self-hatred come to life in the most fantastical ways. he thinks it's ok to publicly date a grown woman other people are judging for dating a dumbass minor. he didn't know what a mother's love was, and had to witness it first hand with nanaue's mother. he thinks an emotionally unavailable and distant clone handler is his dad bc he doesn't KNOW anyone else who can fit into that mold. he thinks roxy's his sister but still has no problem sexualizing her in his head bc he thinks it's ok to find your older sister hot.

kon was the DEFINITION of the kids are not alright, nope, not at all, hell to the fuck no. geoff was the single biggest driver in stripping all the nuance from his character post-graduation day, but he not even here no more... what's the excuse in continuing to strip away at what makes kon, kon? i know dc's afraid to admit lois and clark looked the other way when a teenaged clone was dating an adult woman, but you woulda thought he woulda been a turnoff to the fandumb as well. he aint tho, so he suffers for it accordingly.

i can only hope karl kesel lands another contract after these new movies flop, so we can finally get a REAL follow-up to the 1994 solo. you could never make me hate that man's insane writing. justice for 1994 kon. if dc still had good writers, we coulda had a multi-year healing arc exposing how horrifying superheroing really is for people, and why clones deserve something to the equivalent of human rights. instead, he's doin fuckall and kissin m'gann. no shade to m'gann, she absolutely deserves more than the current caricature.

[merakiui]

Your first baby with Riddle is a girl who looks just like him, and, to your horror, she's a total daddy's girl. No matter how you try to keep him away from her and yourself, she loves her daddy, she looks at him like he hung the stars, she wants to be "just like him" when she grows up... When mid-afternoon rolls around, you hear her feet pitter-pattering, accompanied by an excited fit of giggles; Riddle is home early, and your baby is willing tossing herself into the arms of the man that is holding you against your will.

Your second baby is a boy. He looks just like you, save for Riddle's eyes (and eventual short stature lol.) Riddle loves his son just as much, and relishes in the fact that when he looks at his son, he can see you. Although, sometimes he wonders if this boy was sent from the depths of hell to make his life miserable...

Your son is a total mama's boy, and by the Seven, does he hate Riddle. He gets so, *so* angry anytime he catches Riddle touching you and will throw the biggest fit known to man, demanding that Riddle leave his mommy alone. He destroys anything belonging to Riddle that he can get his hands on; he breaks his mug, chews his documents, anything to see Riddle flustered and barely holding in his frustration, anything to see his father's eerily patient demeanour falter.

Afternoons are loud because while your daughter is laughing her little heart out in Riddle's arms, your son is punching at his knees, screaming for him to "put my big sister down! Don't touch her!"

When all of the noise dies down, Riddle wrangles both kids under his arms (one still kicking) and goes over to where you're standing in the corner. He kisses your forehead before softly saying, "You know you should be staying off your feet, my rose. Sit down and relax. I'll make you something to eat that will be good for the baby." That's right, you're pregnant again.

Omg the third pregnancy…… orz he’s so terrible. So scummy. >:( it’s been so many years since you’ve known freedom and you’re pregnant yet again, so by this point you’ve lost hope of escape. You have children to take care of now; you couldn’t leave them behind. Not even your daughter even if it does hurt to see her revere her father as if he’s the most special person in her world. She refuses to believe her father could do any bad, and so she grows up thinking her mother is just always gloomy and sad, blissfully ignorant to the fact that you’re being held captive.

You sit quietly most days, reading to or drawing with your son just to give yourself something to do—something to take your mind away from the present predicament, if only for a few minutes, and enjoy peaceful activities with your precious son. Riddle loves to see you doing these things with the children. It’s so soft and domestic. He’s so happy he has the life he’s always wanted, and with a third baby on the way things only seem so much more perfect.

Although with a busy house, it makes finding alone time with you quite the challenge. Your son is always guarding the bedroom, insisting that Riddle’s not allowed to come in—that only his sister and Mama are allowed in. And most nights his daughter wants to sleep with him, complaining that her little brother is being too clingy with Mama and that she can’t get any cuddle time in with you. :( Riddle, in spite of his upbringing, is a surprisingly good father. He’s awkward for the first baby, as most parents often are, but by the second he’s learned all manner of tricks and tips that make both his life and yours easier. He has so much love to give because it’s all of the love he never received when he was a child, so naturally he’s going to let you and the children know just how deeply he cares for you.

You may not think the same and that’s okay. He can change your mind. Sometimes you give in to his affections, letting him hold your hand or embrace you from behind when you’re cooking. Sometimes he gets away with a kiss on the cheek. Sometimes, though it’s very rare, the two of you kiss in the bath when he insists on bathing with you, and you let his hands wander. You’re complacent most days, all of the fight stamped out of you over the years. If the kids are sleeping in their bedroom and there aren’t any interruptions or nightmares that leave them crying and clinging, Riddle makes love to you. It’s soft and sweet; he loves these nights the most because they’re so comforting, but mostly because you might even return some of his affections. He whispers the sweetest things to you as well, and you know they’re all true. Of course he loves you. Of course he thinks you’re pretty. Of course he can’t wait for the third baby. Of course he’s excited to help you through another pregnancy.

He’s so happy with his life; it’s the first time he’s ever felt so fulfilled. And for the price of your sanity, happiness, and freedom, he’s able to continue living a dream (though for you it’s more of a nightmare).

[theblueskyphoenix]

I head you just got into 03 XD what’s your opinion on everyone? /gen question

XD Well since you asked dear Anon, though I'll try to keep this brief since I can go for hours.

So general thoughts on the turtles:

Leo is best boy and my favorite turtle of this iteration.

This Leo was the first Leo I ever got to know. Cause one thing to clarify: I hd seen part of 03 before I just didn't get fully into it till recently thanks to Stormy. (I had basically only seen season 1.)

Anyways, back to Leo, I love this dork. He's chivalrous, kind and family means everything to him. He's a good boy and is doing his best. Even if he's a bit too hard on himself. Honestly I relate to him a lot, all the more reason he's best boy for me. Also, I love the fact that while he is a serious young man, he also knows how to have fun. Adds a lot to why I love him so much.

Then we have Mikey!

XD He is such a goof ball and I love him for it. I can not tell you how many times this little ball of sunshine has made me laugh with his antics. I also appreciate the fact that while he is a goof, he can take things seriously and overall, he never has any ill intent. He always means the best.

Also his relationship with Klunk gives me life.

Raphael from 2003 is probably my top Raphael.

I ADORE the arcs he gets in 2003. Plus, I love how they give him so many layers to his character. He's not just the angry one, he also has a gentle heart at his core. And he realizes he does have a temper and is trying to better himself. And I appreciate how he serves as a kind of a balance for Leo. The two kind of keep each other in check. (Especially during Season 4 when Leo was going through it. Raph really was the MVP in noticing Leo was not okay.)

So... yes I adore this tough turtle with a heart of gold.

Then finally we have Donnie! The war criminal- I mean precious sweet baby child who totally did not commit grand theft auto multiple times.

Okay all joking aside I adore this guy. I do admittedly have a soft spot for nerds and Donnie certainly fits the bill. Plus he's a sweet heart and a gentleman. Which is all the more reason I feel so bad he gets to see all the horrors. (and endure horrors. Season 4 was rough for this guy.) Also, love the fact he just wants to help anyone in need. He's got the same chivalry as Leo and it makes me happy to see it.

Then as a bonus because I will take any opportunity to squeal about this character because I feel he is under appreciated and is my favorite non turtle character:

Zayton Honeycutt AKA The Fugitoid! (I often call him Fugi lol)

Oh boy I could go for hours about why I like this silly robot man. As stated with Donnie I have a huge soft spot for nerds and Fugitoid is no exception. He's the embodiment of a dorky scientist and it's adorable. Plus, I appreciate how considerate he is of those around him. Like when he met the turtles he just immediately wanted to help them instead of just leaving them high and dry with the federation. He really is a good bot who wants the best for everyone, even if it means sacrificing himself to keep those he cares about safe.

And there's my overall thoughts. <3 Loving 2003 and looking forward to finishing my marathoning soon. Still got a season and half left to go. Looking forward to finishing and making more fun fan art for it. Especially for my sister's fanfict she's working on. (Fish Out of Water. Please give her some love when it comes out. It's gonna be good I promise.)