#you can finally come to terms with the fact that this is okay. this is okay. you care about each other. he cared about you. this is okay

[pleasantspark]

Zoophobia is okay but...

I did it, I finally caved in and started reading ZooPhobia, you know? The Comic that Viv put on hiatus (in the comic industry when a comic is on hiatus it means its cancelled, see: Mega Man Archie Issue 55 for more.)

The series was mediocre at best because it was written by a young Viv, but coming from someone who was from the Hazbin/Helluva Fandom its... Not all that different.

Pros

Color Palettes are varied, you don't have red and black all the damn time. The cast actually has pastel, some of which aren't borderline eyestrainy.

The beginning of the story sets us up to a good premise.

Gustav.

Cons

While the beginning was off to a fantastic start, the middle and \towards the end shifted from Cameron (Our supposed main character) to the High School Drama. There was a subplot with Zill and his girlfriend fighting but just like Chaggie it was resolved and even mocked about for being cliched.

Since it was on Hiatus there was not much left answered and some things are confusing.

What the hell is Zill?

Similarities between Zoophobia and Helluvaverse

It's not any secret that the main characters from Hazbin Originated from ZooPhobia but I feel most of the storylines that existed in ZooPhobia was also repurposed into Hazbin or Helluva or even straight up transferred, most plots that were possibly planned or so would be in this exactly.

ZooPhobia has the same issues Hazbin has, the lack of pacing and rushing through pivotal arcs while introducing characters (and infodumping/abandoning them in the same arc) just to give one backstory and dip.

Just like with Cameron while the story initially started with her it pivoted to random people (literal whos?) and had no ryheme or reasoning, Charlie later became Cameron in her own show.

They force conflict too early in the story especially when we barely got to know any characters (Zill and his girlfriends cliche argument.)

Then there was lost aspects that could have been explored, why does Cameron have Zoophobia? Why was Cameron sent to Safe Haven? Why is Damien so interested in Zill's girlfriend? So many questions and yet no answers, the story had potential but was sidelined for Hazbin and Helluva and both aren't any different from Zoophobia in terms of their own issues.

The fact I decided to cave in and read this only made me even more mad that we ended up losing something that could have marked Viv's actual career, I guess she wanted to be a screenwriter, but webcomics in general are better because at least you can get more out of it.

Zoophobia is okay, but could have potential and it was shelved and forgotten about thus making it free game for those who wants to rewrite it, I'm only taking Gustav and that's it.

[gukksweets7]

Married Life

Pairing: husband jk / wife reader

Wc: 2.8k

Warning: mentions of parents fights, dominating dad of oc,mention of a male hitting a female, burns, fluff.

Summary: when you think your husband is going to hit you but something unexpected happens which changes your view about him.

Note: okay so I don't know what I was doing in this because ugh! It was better in my head nonetheless if you liked it do drop down those notes thing. So and yeah! I will make sure to post something else by the end of this month.

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Life for you has been nothing but suffering.

If asked who caused you this suffering, you feel ashamed to point it out to your parents, no it's only your dad but at some points you find yourself blaming it on your mom too, who married him. But Can you actually blame her when she is also the one suffering?

Your life wasn't in your hands but in your dads hands. That's what it has always been like. Every step you have taken in your life has always been in your dad's hand. From having the right to what you can wear, with whom you should hang around, what type of people you should meet, how you should behave, when you should be back home till the point of your marriage.

Yes, your marriage was decided by him.

You were grateful to your dad that he allowed you to get a good education but did he allow you to join the job you wanted to? No.

People might mistake this as that your dad was indigent. But that wasn't it. Your dad was the owner of a multinational company.

He had billions of dollars in his bank. It also wasn't that your dad had a tiny heart but it was all his so called thoughts of keeping his pride, his daughter protected.

You know well that at points it's just his pride, not even the fact that you're his only daughter. You could never come to the conclusion of why he was so cruel? Neither could you ever come to the conclusion of why it has to be you? Why did you have to go through this?

Your dad has always been too demanding. You were a kid and could never understand it but as you grew up your views with your mindset changed.

You once demanded your dad to let you go to the park just like other kids go with their mom's in the evening but he didn't.

Why?

His possessiveness towards your mom made him do that. You have always seen, your mom only went out when your dad was with her otherwise she wasn't allowed to go out of the house. No, it wasn't that she was restricted from talking. She could talk but only to the women. Never have you seen her even smile at a man if your dad isn't with her.

With time and never decreasing restrictions from your dad on you, you just had one dream. That was to study, get a good job and move out of your family's house.

All of your dreams were complete but on certain terms. For you to get your desired degree you wanted to go abroad but your dad didn't allow it which led you to settle with a degree from a top university in Seoul. About your dream of good job, when you finished your master’s degree in finance and management you again wanted to work away from your family but your dad again pulled you in to his company and on your mother's request you had to give in to your dad's demands and the last of your dream to get out of dad's house finally completed when you put up a strong fight against your dad and the only time you mom too didn't stop you.

You knew the reason, she too wanted to get out of the concrete box she was living in for decades and she eventually realised that if you go out, your dad would definitely not stop her from going to your house, occasionally.

It was seven months ago when your dad brought you the marriage proposal of the only son of the Jeon enterprises. You have heard and even met them but only when you were a 15 year old kid, you remember meeting his parents and even him but that was until he moved abroad for his studies.

No, you weren't close to him. You envied his life. How he was given all the rights. How his mom took him to the park everyday, how he was allowed to go wherever with whoever he wanted. Jungkook’s life was desired by you. But with passing time and increased distance you forgot about him, completely.

But again, things took a drastic turn and he again became a part of your life, an important one, he became your husband.

But, with him things have been very different.

When your dad brought you the proposal to the marriage, of course you couldn't deny. You weren't allowed to go against your dad’s order. You were afraid of having to separate from your mother. How could you deny that when you were never taught that? When you were never taught to take the right stand for you? You couldn't, right?

Things with Jungkook passed on very quickly, you were given some five months before marriage to get to know him. Well, your dad was already in a rush to get you married but it was Jungkook and his family who insisted on giving their son and their soon to be daughter-in-law some time to get to know each other.

To present:

It's a lazy Saturday evening and it's been an hour since you returned from work. Usually you and Jungkook return home together but today you returned home earlier than him while he was attending his last meeting of the day.

It was after a month of your marriage, that Jungkook asked you to occupy the same place you had in your dads company, in his company. Apparently, your dad seemed to have no problem with that.

The door opens and Jungkook gets in with his phone in his hand and his coat on his other hand and a file of paper. He keeps talking to the phone and sits on the couch in the living room, loosening his tie. He places the file on the tea table.

As the call ends, you speak from the kitchen where you are preparing coffee.

“ Jungkook, did you buy the gift?”

Tonight, you have to attend one of Jungkook's friends' 3rd wedding anniversary party.

“ Uh, yeah I've bought it”

“Okay, then go get dressed, I have got your dress ironed and kept it on the bed”

“Huh, thanks” he mumbles standing up while still busy typing something on his phone.

“ When will you get ready? I'll be done in 5”

“ Uh yeah, just after my coffee “ you reply back and receive a nod from his side while he moves to the bedroom.

Being done with your coffee making process. You quickly move to the drawing room to drink it and get ready. You need your regular morning and evening coffee or nothing can stop the headache from coming.

You sit on the couch and keep the hot coffee filled mug on the glass tea table in the front. You throw your head back on the headrest of the sofa and release a sigh of relief. You open your hair and with fingers solve down the jots while your other hand reaches down to grab onto the coffee mug while unfortunately you knock over the hot coffee on the table.

“ Ahhh” you let out a loud scream when the top of your hand too gets burnt from the hot coffee. But your concern soon gets diverted from your own hands to the papers which are soaking in the hot brown liquid.

Your mouth falls agape. These are the same papers of the meeting he attended. These papers are the company’s documents with which the Jeon enterprise is going to collaborate.

You are well aware that the owner of the company is another very busy person and the meeting was scheduled after five months because none of the parties had a common time interval free.

With still your left hand burnt you pick up the paper. It's wet and deep brown. Suddenly the wet paper gets torn apart from the middle in front of your eyes, making you gulp.

No. No. NO!

You quickly throw a look at the clock. Shit! You have to start getting ready now. You quickly pick up whatever paper there is and place it aside. You wipe the table and

the floor where the coffee fell.

You touch the table again and it seems like it needs another wipe cause it seems sticky but you have no time to give it another wipe so you quickly move to the bedroom to get dressed.

As you are sitting on the passenger seat of the car, your navy blue dress matches perfectly with the royal blue coloured suit Jungkook is wearing. But your mind is not here, your mind is stuck on those stacks of papers you have lost due to your carelessness.

As the soft music plays in the background, you slightly turn to look at Jungkook who is focused on the road. You again turn your head to your left looking out the window until you feel the car halt in front of the party venue.

Jungkook usually comes to open your passenger seat door and forwards his hand to take it. This time too he does. You look at his hand and slowly grab onto it then stand up closing the door behind you while Jungkook locks it.

It's a private party, only with the close ones. You pull up a smile on your face and join the party but deep down the thoughts of what has happened and the thoughts of what can happen when Jungkook will know what you have done haunts your thoughts.

You both congratulate Jungkook’s friends and meet up with your other friends.

“oh! I really thought you wouldn't come” one of Jungkook's friend says, hugging him.

“ uh, and is that your—” he says pointing towards you.

“ ah yes James, meet my wife Y/n” you flash James a smile but James forwards his hand for a handshake. You look towards Jungkook then awkwardly grab onto his hands. It might seem weird to someone else as to why you behaved that way but you remembered how your dad never liked your mom getting into any physical contact with a male.

You sigh, looking around as someone comes towards Jungkook who looks as if in his late 40’s and shakes hands with Jungkook. A woman walks hand in hand with him.

“ Jungkook dear, how is everything going?” He asks as his eyes look into your occasionally as you quietly stand there. Your head has started to hurt now. You being deprived of your coffee and the loud music coming from the speakers together helping in it.

“ Everything is fine Mr. Lee. I hope you are doing well too” the conversation between the two goes on while the woman who seems much younger than Mr.Lee, gives you judgemental glances from time to time but her eyes become soft everytime she looks at Jungkook or Jungkook glances at her.

By now, your body feels heavier. You are not able to control yourself anymore and as a result you hold onto Jungkook's hand with all your strength.

It doesn't take Jungkook long to feel you getting uncomfortable beside him. He quickly excuses himself.

“ What happened?” He comes, straight to the point, his voice worried.

“ Jungkook.. can we please go home?” You ask, as he holds you tightly closer to his chest with both his hands on your hips.

“ Okay. Let's go” he is quick to get you out of the venue and drive back home.

You don't realise when you fell asleep on the passenger seat until it's Jungkook’s hand on your shoulder shaking you out of your sleep.

“ Hmm?” You ask sleepily, your eyes half closed.

“ We are home Y/n, get up” he says moving aside for you to come out.

You come out of the car and with him by your side you get in your home. The first thing you do is to grab a pill to have for your headache.

You have now changed your clothes and even Jungkook is done changing his clothes. Jungkook has ordered some take outs for you and him as both of you have eaten nothing in the party.

A loss.

He comes to the bedroom looking slightly stressed and asks “ y/n, have you seen my red file which I kept on the tea table in the evening?”

And that makes you instantly get up which catches Jungkook's attention who was busy looking in the drawers.

“ Uh… no.. ah yes… I guess” you fumble with your words and finally decide on telling the truth cause you know you can't hide it for long enough, not when it's some important file.

“ Where?” He asks now coming face to face with you.

“ Jungkook I… uhh” you are still fumbling with your words not sure about what to say.

“ Y/n, what are you saying?” he gets impatient

“ Accidentally coffee fell… on the file” you add now looking down at the ground.

“ What?” Jungkook almost screams and you find yourself taking steps back. This is definitely going to be bad.

“ How?” He asks now, his voice deeper.

“ So actually you were hurrying so I just wanted to have the coffee fast so I too could get dressed but I just accidentally knocked it down.

“ Where is it?” He asks so you bring the now dry file which is not white but brown in colour, from your wardrobe.

“Here” you say, forwarding him the file. Jungkook scans the files and it seems he can't read what's written in the file.

Jungkook raises the file in mid air to throw it in the table kept at the corner of the room but you think it's for hitting you so you yelp and raise your hands to your face but you were never hit. Instead you feel his hands holding your hands as he removes it from your face.

“ What happened?” He says. It would be a lie to say that Jungkook didn't get what you were thinking but he wanted to hear it from you.

“ Uh.. I thought you uh..” you were not sure what to say.

“ I was about to hit you?” He continues for you while his eyebrows raise and you answer by giving a nod.

“ And why would I do that y/n, you are my wife” he says as your hands are still in his warm, soft hands.

“ When.. sometimes mom made mistakes uh.. so dad… uh sometimes hit her, I have seen that” you say avoiding eye contact with him.

“ Oh” his mouth forms a o shape as he seems quiet for a moment. His parents had a healthy relationship so he probably can not understand how as a child you would have felt when you saw your own mom being disrespected by your dad.

But it was soon that his thumb rubs on your both knuckles and with a stern voice he says.

“ Y/n, look at me” so you raise your eyes and look at him with a small almost unnoticeable pout on your pink moisturized lips.

“ What you dad did was very wrong but I would never do that. Okay?” he says looking into your eyes.

“ And about the file, this is just a copy. I have the real one at the office. I'll ask someone to send it at our place, hmm?”

“ Thank you.. jungkook” you say as a small smile forms on your face and you stare at his face, well well well you do have a crush on him.

“But… why are your knuckles so red?” He asks looking at the said hands knuckles and the area there.

“ Uhh.. coffee fell there”

“ Did you apply any ointment?” He already guesses that you haven't.

“ Uh, no… I thought I would but forgot” you say examining your own knuckles.

So he takes the initiative to apply ointment on your knuckles and sometimes scolds you. In these 2 months being married to Jungkook it is the first time you are actually seeing his caring side so as Jungkook applies ointment on your knuckles you look at his face.

You don't realise when Jungkook is done with applying the ointment on your fingers and looks towards you catching you staring at him. Both of your eyes widened— your cause you were caught and his cause he felt shy. Both of you look at the other side with smiles forming on your faces.

Thankfully, the doorbell rang signalling someone has arrived which you guess must be the delivery man for the takeouts.

“ How about we watch a movie and have our takeout?” He suggests looking at you with his big bambi eyes to which he receives a happy nod from you.

Jungkook holds your hand and pulls you with him out of the bedroom. You smile the biggest which Jungkook ofcourse can't see, even though Jungkook was your dad's choice but he is not like your dad.

----------------

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 271

“Grandmother is visiting,” Damian suddenly said with no warning and with his usual not-quite demanding tone. 

“Who?” Tim wasn’t the only one to startle, seeing as Bruce had practically froze, a downturn to his lips in a silent show of confusion. 

Damian scowled. “Are you deaf Drake? Grandmother is coming to Gotham to, quote, make sure I am being properly cared for.” None of them had known that Ras was with anyone actually. At least Tim was pretty sure that would have been in the files. 

“Oh?” Dick didn’t quite crouch to Damian’s height but it was a near thing. “She-” “He,” Damian corrected, interrupting him. They all exchanged a glance before Dick continued. 

“Is he coming to the Manor or…” 

Damian scoffed again, a tiny bit of a flush against his face. “No, Grandmother will most likely be staying with Akhi-”

Now wait one moment-

“YOU HAVE ANOTHER BROTHER?!” 

[tommygotwrittenoff]

my favorite thing about bt is when there's an opportunity for buck and t to have a deeper connection, but then t just shuts it down. like, go girl, give us nothing!!!!

[namisweatheria]

It's funny, I saw a post earlier about the different kinds of arcs One Piece has and theories on what kind of arc Elbaf will be, and while I disagreed with basically everything it said in a very quibbling semantics way, it got me thinking....

Egghead has a lot in common with mini set-up arcs like Amazon Lily and Zou, doesn't it? Which would be a really exciting way to think of it....

Centered around an emotional tragedy that already happened in the past, connecting it with major aspects of the rest of the series, there's a challenge to overcome that isn't the typical beating-down-the-oppressor fight, bringing along a female character from it to the next arc.... people going to great lengths to hide the truth... Hidden alliances...

I wonder if Elbaf will have a unique, kind of calamitous structure that ends in a great escape, like Marineford and Whole Cake Island, the arcs that followed the mini arcs did. Perhaps a terrible self-sacrificial death as well....

It would make some sense, right? I think there's something they have to face here, something that challenges the way the Strawhats operate, or Luffy specifically, before they can move on to the final arc within the final saga. I wonder what it is...

[anachronistic-falsehood]

waittttttt hang on. what if i wrote. a trimax oneshot abt vash and livio. what then. hmm. what then

[lemondropletters]

I know I’m making a joke but you really don’t understand how angry I am at the recent news.

[Video Captions: “Why are you the way that you are? / Honestly, every time I try to do something fun or exciting, you make it not that way. / I hate so much about the things that you choose to be.”]

[caelum-in-the-avatarverse]

Fandom can do a little gatekeeping. As a treat.

So I finally decided to archive-lock my fics on AO3 last night. I’ve been considering it since the AI scrape last year, but the tipping point was this whole lore.fm debacle, coupled with some thoughts I’ve been thinking regarding Fandom These Days in general and Fandom As A Community in particular. So I wanna explain why I waited so long, why I locked my stuff up now, and why I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m a-okay with making it harder for people to see my stories.

Lurkers really are great, tho

I’m a chronic lurker, and have been since I started hanging out on the internet as a teen in the 00s. These days it’s just cuz I don’t feel a need to socialize very often, but back then it was because I was shy and knew I was socially awkward. Even if I made an account, I’d spend months lurking on message boards or forums or Livejournals, watching other people interact and getting a feel for that particular community’s culture and etiquette before I finally started interacting myself. And y’know, that approach saved me a lot of embarrassment. Over the course of my lurking on any site, there was always some other person who’d clearly joined up five minutes after learning the place existed, barged in without a care for their behavior, and committed so many social faux pas that all the other users were immediately annoyed with them at best. I learned a lot observing those incidents. Lurk More is Rule 33 of the internet for very good reason.

Lurking isn’t bad or weird or creepy. It’s perfectly normal. I love lurking. It’s hard for me to not lurk - socializing takes a lot of energy out of me, even via text. (Heck it took 12 hours for me to write this post, I wish I was kidding--) Occasionally I’ll manage longer bouts of interaction - a few weeks posting here, almost a year chatting in a discord there - but I’m always gonna end up going radio silent for months at some point. I used to feel bad about it, but I’ve long since made peace with the fact that it’s just the way my brain works. I’m a chronic lurker, and in the long term nothing is going to change that.

The thing with being a chronic lurker is that you have to accept that you are not actually seen as part of the community you are lurking in. That’s not to say that lurkers are unimportant - lurkers actually are important, and they make up a large proportion of any online community - but it’s simple cause and effect. You may think of it as “your community”, but if you’ve never said a word, how is the community supposed to know you exist? If I lurked on someone’s LJ, and then that person suddenly friendslocked their blog, I knew that I had two choices: Either accept that I would never be able to read their posts again, or reach out to them and ask if I could be added to their friends list with the full understanding that I was a rando they might not decide to trust. I usually went with the first option, because my invisibility as a lurker was more important to me than talking to strangers on the internet.

Lurking is like sitting on a park bench, quietly people-watching and eavesdropping on the conversations other people are having around you. You’re in the park, but you’re not actively participating in anything happening there. You can see and hear things that you become very interested in! But if you don’t introduce yourself and become part of the conversation, you won’t be able to keep listening to it when those people walk away. When fandom migrated away from Livejournal, people moved to new platforms alongside their friends, but lurkers were often left behind. No one knew they existed, so they weren’t told where everyone else was going. To be seen as part of a fandom community, you need to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known, etc. etc.

There’s nothing wrong with lurking. There can actually be benefits to lurking, both for the lurkers and the communities they lurk in. It’s just another way to be in a fandom. But if that is how you exist in fandom--and remember, I say this as someone who often does exist that way in fandom--you need to remember that you’re on the outside looking in, and the curtains can always close.

I’ve always been super sympathetic to lurkers, because I am one. I know there’s a lot of people like me who just don’t socialize often. I know there’s plenty of reasons why someone might not make an account on the internet - maybe they’re nervous, maybe they’re young and their parents don’t allow them to, maybe they’re in a bad situation where someone is monitoring their activity, maybe they can only access the internet from public computer terminals. Heck, I’ve never even logged into AO3 on my phone--if I’m away from my computer I just read what’s publicly available. 

I know I have people lurking on my fics. I know my fics probably mean a lot to someone I don’t even know exists. I know this because there are plenty of fics I love whose writers don’t know I exist.

I love my commenters personally; I love my lurkers as an abstract concept. I know they’re there and I wish them well, and if they ever de-lurk I love them all the more.

So up until last year I never considered archive-locking my fic, because I get it. The AI scraping was upsetting, but I still hesitated because I was thinking of lurkers and guests and remembering what it felt like to be 15 and wondering if it’d be worth letting a stranger on the internet know I existed and asking to be added to their friends list just so I could reread a funny post they made once.

But the internet has changed a lot since the 00s, and fandom has changed with it. I’ve read some things and been doing some thinking about fandom-as-community over the last few years, and reading through the lore.fm drama made me decide that it’s time for me to set some boundaries.

I still love my lurkers, and I feel bad about leaving any guest commenters behind, especially if they’re in a situation where they can’t make an account for some reason. But from here on out, even my lurkers are going to have to do the bare minimum to read my fics--make an AO3 account.

Should we gatekeep fandom?

I’ve seen a few people ask this question, usually rhetorically, sometimes as a joke, always with a bit of seriousness. And I think…yeah, maybe we should. Except wait, no, not like that--

A decade ago, when people talked about fandom gatekeeping and why it was bad to do, it intersected with a lot of other things, mainly feminism and classism. The prevalent image of fandom gatekeeping was, like, a man learning that a woman likes Star Wars and haughtily demanding, “Oh, yeah? Well if you’re REALLY a fan, name ten EU novels” to belittle and dismiss her, expecting that a “real fan” would have the money and time to be familiar with the EU, and ignoring the fact that male movie-only fans were still considered fans. The thing being gatekept was the very definition of “being a fan” and people’s right to describe themselves as one.

That’s not what I mean when I say maybe fandom should gatekeep more. Anyone can call themselves a fan if they like something, that’s fine. But when it comes to the ability to enjoy the fanworks produced by the fandom community…that might be something worth gatekeeping.

See, back in the 00s, it was perfectly common for people to just…not go on the internet. Surfing the web was a thing, but it was just, like, a fun pastime. Not everyone did it. It wasn’t until the rise of social media that going online became a thing everyone and their grandmother did every day. Back then, going on the internet was just…a hobby.

So one of the first gates online fandom ever had was the simple fact that the entire world wasn’t here yet.

The entire world is here now. That gate has been demolished.

And it’s a lot easier to find us now. Even scattered across platforms, fandom is so centralized these days. It isn’t a network of dedicated webshrines and forums that you can only find via webrings anymore, it’s right there on all the big social media sites. AO3 didn’t set out to be the main fanfic website, but that’s definitely what it’s become. It’s easy for people to find us--and that includes people who don’t care about the community, and just want “content.”

Transformative fandom doesn’t like it when people see our fanworks as “content”. “Content” is a pretty broad term, but when fandom uses it we’re usually referring to creative works that are churned out by content creators to be consumed by an audience as quickly as possible as often as possible so that the content creator can generate revenue. This not-so-new normal has caused a massive shift in how people who are new to fandom view fanworks--instead of seeing fic or art as something a fellow fan made and shared with you, they see fanworks as products to be consumed.

Transformative fandom has, in general, always been a gift economy. We put time and effort into creating fanworks that we share with our fellow fans for free. We do this so we don’t get sued, but fandom as a whole actually gets a lot out of the gift economy. Offer your community a story, and in return you can get comments, build friendships, or inspire other people to write things that you might want to read. Readers are given the gift of free stories to read and enjoy, and while lurking is fine, they have the choice to engage with the writer and other readers by leaving comments or making reclists to help build the community.

And look, don’t get me wrong. People have never engaged with fanfic as much as fan writers wish they would. There has always been “no one comments anymore” wank. There have always been people who only comment to say “MORE!” or otherwise demand or guilt trip writers into posting the next chapter. But fandom has always agreed that those commenters are rude and annoying, and as those commenters navigate fandom they have the chance to learn proper community etiquette.

However, now it seems that a lot of the people who are consuming fanworks aren’t actually in the community. 

I won’t say “they aren’t real fans” because that’s silly; there’s lots of ways to be a fan. But there seem to be a lot of fans now who have no interest in fandom as a community, or in adhering to community etiquette, or in respecting the gift economy. They consume our fics, but they don’t appreciate fan labor. They want our “content”, but they don’t respect our control over our creations.

And even worse--they see us as a resource. We share our work for free, as a gift, but all they see is an open-source content farm waiting to be tapped into. We shared it for free, so clearly they can do whatever they want with it. Why should we care if they feed our work into AI training datasets, or copy/paste our unfinished stories into ChatGPT to get an ending, or charge people for an unnecessary third-party AO3 app, or sell fanbindings on etsy for a profit without the author’s permission, or turn our stories into poor imitations of podfics to be posted on other platforms without giving us credit or asking our consent, while also using it to lure in people they can datascrape for their Forbes 30 Under 30 company? 

And sure, people have been doing shady things with other people’s fanworks since forever. Art theft and reposting has always been a big problem. Fanfic is harder to flat-out repost, but I’ve heard of unauthorized fic translations getting posted without crediting the original author. Once in…I think the 2010s? I read a post by a woman who had gone to some sort of local bookselling event, only to find that the man selling “his” novel had actually self-published her fanfic. (Wish I could find that one again, I don’t even remember where I read it.)

But aside from that third example, the thing is…as awful as fanart/writing theft is, back in the day, the main thing a thief would gain from it was clout. Clout that should rightfully go to the creators who gifted their work in the first place, yeah, but still. Just clout. People will do a lot of hurtful things for clout, but fandom clout means nothing outside of fandom. Fandom clout is not enough to incentivize the sort of wide-scale pillaging we’re seeing from community outsiders today.

Money, on the other hand… Well, fandom’s just a giant, untapped content farm, isn’t it? Think of how much revenue all that content could generate.

Lurkers are a normal and even beneficial part of any online community. Maybe one day they’ll de-lurk and easily slide into place beside their fellow fans because they already know the etiquette. Maybe they’re active in another community, and they can spread information from the community they lurk in to the community they’re active in. At the very least, they silently observe, and even if they’re not active community members, they understand the community.

Fans who see fanworks as “content” don’t belong in the same category as lurkers. They’re tourists. 

While reading through the initial Reddit thread on the lore.fm situation, I found this comment:

[ID: Reddit User Cabbitowo says: ... So in anime fandoms we have a word called tourist and essentially it means a fan of a few anime and doesn't care about anime tropes and actively criticizes them. This is kind of how fandoms on tiktok feel. They're touring fanfics and fanart and actively criticizes tropes that have been in the fandom since the 60s. They want to be in a fandom but they don't want to engage in fandom 

OP totallymandy responds: Just entered back into Reddit after a long day to see this most recent reply. And as a fellow anime fan this making me laugh so much since it’s true! But it sorta hurts too when the reality sets in. Modern fandom is so entitled and bratty and you’d think it’s the minors only but that’s not even true, my age-mates and older seem to be like that. They want to eat their cake and complain all whilst bringing nothing to the potluck… :/ END ID]

-

“Tourist” is an apt name for this sort of fan. They don’t want to be part of our community, and they don’t have to be in order to come into our spaces and consume our work. Even if they don’t steal our work themselves, they feel so entitled to it that they’re fine with ignoring our wishes and letting other people take it to make AI “podfics” for them to listen to (there are a lot of comments on lore.fm’s shutdown announcement video from people telling them to just ignore the writers and do it anyway). They’ll use AI to generate an ending to an unfinished fic because they don’t care about seeing “the ending this writer would have given to the story they were telling”, they just want “an ending”. For these tourist fans, the ends justify the means, and their end goal is content for them to consume, with no care for the community that created it for them in the first place.

I don’t think this is confined to a specific age group. This isn’t “13-year-olds on Wattpad” or “Zoomers on TikTok” or whatever pointless generation war we’re in now. This is coming from people who are new to fandom, whose main experience with creative works on the internet is this new content culture and who don’t understand fandom as a community. That description can be true of someone from any age group.

It’s so easy to find fandom these days. It is, in fact, too easy. Newcomers face no hurdles or challenges that would encourage them to lurk and observe a bit before engaging, and it’s easy for people who would otherwise move on and leave us alone to start making trouble. From tourist fans to content entrepreneurs to random people who just want to gawk, it’s so easy for people who don’t care about the fandom community to reap all of its fruits. 

So when I say maybe fandom should start gatekeeping a bit, I’m referring to the fact that we barely even have a gate anymore. Everyone is on the internet now; the entire world can find us, and they don’t need to bother learning community etiquette when they do. Before, we were protected by the fact that fandom was considered weird and most people didn’t look at it twice. Now, fandom is pretty mainstream. People who never would’ve bothered with it before are now comfortable strolling in like they own the place. They have no regard for the fandom community, they don’t understand it, and they don’t want to. They want to treat it just like the rest of the content they consume online.

And then they’re surprised when those of us who understand fandom culture get upset. Fanworks have existed far longer than the algorithmic internet’s content. Fanworks existed long before the internet. We’ve lived like this for ages and we like it.

So if someone can’t be bothered to respect fandom as a community, I don’t see why I should give them easy access to my fics.

Think of it like a garden gate

When I interact with commenters on my fic, I have this sense of hospitality.

The comment section is my front porch. The fic is my garden. I created my garden because I really wanted to, and I’m proud of it, and I’m happy to share it with other people. 

Lots of people enjoy looking at my garden. Many walk through without saying anything. Some stop to leave kudos. Some recommend my garden to their friends. And some people take the time to stop by my front porch and let me know what a beautiful garden it is and how much they’ve enjoyed it. 

Any fic writer can tell you that getting comments is an incredible feeling. I always try to answer all my comments. I don’t always manage it, but my fics’ comment sections are the one place that I manage to consistently socialize in fandom. When I respond to a comment, it feels like I’m pouring out a glass of lemonade to share with this lovely commenter on my front porch, a thank you for their thank you. We take a moment to admire my garden together, and then I see them out. The next time they drop by, I recognize them and am happy to pour another glass of lemonade.

My garden has always been open and easy to access. No fences, no walls. You just have to know where to find it. Fandom in general was once protected by its own obscurity, an out-of-the-way town that showed up on maps but was usually ignored.

But now there’s a highway that makes it easy to get to, and we have all these out-of-towner tourists coming in to gawk and steal our lawn ornaments and wonder if they can use the place to make themselves some money.

I don’t care to have those types trampling over my garden and eating all my vegetables and digging up my flowers to repot and sell, so I’ve put up a wall. It has a gate that visitors can get through if they just take the time to open it.

Admittedly, it’s a small obstacle. But when I share my fics, I share them as a gift with my fellow fans, the ones who understand that fandom is a community, even if they’re lurkers. As for tourist fans and entrepreneurs who see fic as content, who have no qualms ignoring the writer’s wishes, who refuse to respect or understand the fandom community…well, they’re not the people I mean to share my fic with, so I have no issues locking them out. If they want access to my stories, they’ll have to do the bare minimum to become a community member and join the AO3 invite queue.

And y’know, I’ve said a lot about fandom and community here, and I just want to say, I hope it’s not intimidating. When I was younger, talk about The Fandom Community made me feel insecure, and I didn’t think I’d ever manage to be active enough in fandom spaces to be counted as A Member Of The Community. But you don’t have to be a social butterfly to participate in fandom. I’ll always and forever be a chronic lurker, I reblog more than I post, I rarely manage to comment on fic, and I go radio silent for months at a time--but I write and post fanfiction. That’s my contribution.

Do you write, draw, vid, gif, or otherwise create? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you leave comments? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you curate reclists? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you maintain a fandom blog or fuckyeah blog? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you provide a space for other fans to convene in? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you regularly send asks (off anon so people know who you are)? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you have fandom friends who you interact with? Congrats, you're a community member.

There’s lots of ways to be a fan. Just make sure to respect and appreciate your fellow fans and the work they put in for you to enjoy and the gift economy fandom culture that keeps this community going.

[jinkiezzsstuff]

Hello! Can I plz request Alastor x Doe! Reader where he meets Charlie's best friend who's the reader and becomes possessive over her, maybe his instincts tell him to mark the reader as his mate. The reader is a white doe. :)

Yessss i love this idea teehee i maybe got carried away and also i unintentionally made this sort gender neutral and a teeny tiny speck of smut, i hope that’s okay if not it’s at the very end so it’s skipable, hopefully i did your idea justice and hope you enjoy!! thank you so much for this xx

At first sight

PART TWO PART THREE

Word count: 3.5K

Warnings: SMUT 18+, doe reader only describes white ears tail and pink nose rest is ambiguous, possibly corny ahh dialogue, love at first sight kinda trope, angel/hellborn reader, slightly OOC Al y’know smut love, reader cooks, biting & briefly blood, penetrative sex, reader makes deal with al to give themselves to him, swearing, NOT PROOFREAD I think that’s it lmk if i missed anything!!

Charlie ran manically around the hotel, fixing various things and studying the entire building under a microscope to ensure it looked its best. Zipping her way to the lobby, she caught the gaze of Angel Dust, who was in the middle of sucking down a frozen popsicle.

“Be nice today! Look your best, oh oh! No porn on the TV!” Charlie shouted rushed and frazzled as she came up beside Angel to fluff out the couch cushions. Husk watched silently ears zeroed in on the conversation unwillingly, focusing mainly on Angel. “Geez toots, what’s got your feathers in a bunch?”

Angel smiled amused by Charlies odd demeanour. “My best friend since, like, forever is coming here today! To see the hotel!” Charlie exclaimed lurching forward to grip Angels shoulders. Smirking at her Angel continued to suck on the popsicle. “So what, is this broad special or something?”

Charlie leaned back pulling her hands down her face, an exasperated groan crawling out from her throat. “Yes! Her mother was friends with my mom when they first came to hell, her mom ended up falling for a hell spawn and we born around the same time,” Charlie explained ringing her hands while pacing.

“She’s my best friend we grew up together, i’m worried she won’t like what i’m doing here.” Charlie finally confessed with a sigh, her body deflating as she herself came to terms with the fact she was afraid. Vaggie lingering in the background finally approached Charlie sticking her hand out to message her arm comfortingly. “I’m sure it’ll be fine toots! Plus she’s a born sinner! Ain’t no way anything here’s gonna be shocking her.”

Despite her worry she could admit Angel Dust was right, AND you’re her best friend there’s no way you’d be unnecessarily cruel to her dreams, you were always supportive and imaginative along with her. Smiling down at Angel, Charlie then plopped down beside him, resting her hooves after hours of hecticily running around. “You’re right Angel, thank you.” Angel hummed out an arrogant ‘you’re welcome’ while Vaggie circled the couch leaning over the back of it.

“So how long has it been since you’ve seen them?” Vaggie asked poking Charlie’s cheek. Looking away she counted on her fingers before turning to look at Vaggie. “Four years, they stayed with me while I tried getting over the absence of my mom; they live in wrath though and eventually went back.” Clapping her hands Charlie stood from the couch her brief moment of hoof rest over, the three sinners watching as she muttered to herself about everyone being on their best behaviour while walking off, clearly the talk only did a little to hush her nerves.

~

Standing outside the hotel doors your ears twitched at the sounds coming from beyond it, it’s clear as day that Charlie was instructing people to behave, be nice, and- not show you porn? Suddenly the door opened startling you slightly but that quickly wore off when you were greeted by the joyous face of your best friend Charlie. Tugging you into a bear hug, Charlie squealed about how excited she was, you naturally fell into her giving her a warm tight hug right back.

“I am so glad you’re here! I’m so happy to see you!” Charlie exclaimed pulling back and examining you. You hadnt seemed to change much to Charlie, the white tail you had wagged behind you happily, your equally platinum ears relaxed occasionally twitching at the sounds around you, your pink deer like nose that was perfectly contrasted with your skin colour.

It was clear you were half an angel, and Charlie lemented, when you two were younger, that she was jealous you had a more animalisitc appearance in comparison to her, but you reminded her that it didn’t matter because she was still as gorgeous as ever. “I’m so glad to be here! I was starting to think you’d never end up inviting me.” You laugh warmly.

Charlie beckoned you inside linking your arms together, the two of you walked inside. Vaggie was punctuated and ready to great you as you came further into the room. “Hi, I’m Vaggie-“ Vaggie was cut off promptly by Charlie who excitedly pulled her into a bear hug, cheek to cheek. “My girlfriend!” Charlie finished with a shout.

Your ivory tail flicked behind you happily as you grinned. “Holy shit! You’ve got a girlfriend? Damn we really need to catch up! Its so nice to meet you Vaggie.” You smile shaking her hand as she stuck it out, Vaggie only nodded smiling seemingly quite reserved.

After some rushed introduction of those around the room including Husk, Angel, Nifty, and Sir Pentious, Charlie took you to your room to settle in. Closing the door behind the two of you Charlie watched as you laid your suit cases down by the bed, unzipping them and pulling out your clothing. “Sooo,” Charlie trailed hands tucked behind her back as she wandered around the vacant room.

“You remember Alastor right? The radio demon?” Charlie questioned, sounding suspicious. Looking up from your folded laundry you quirked a brow fearing where this might be heading. “Yes… i do.” You say slowly, fixing your posture waiting for her to turn to you, but she seemed rather interested in the wallpaper. “Well… y’know… this hotel takes a lot…. and when i first started…” Charlie trailed off gazing out the open window, stepping towards her you carefully placed a hand on her shoulder.

Looking at you she knew there was no sense in keeping such a prominent part of the reason this hotel was possible secret. “Alastors here, he helped since the start. He hasn’t asked for anything in return and he’s already fought for us!” Charlie spat the words out so fast you barely had time to comprehend. You and her were raised around each other meaning you had the same interactions with many of the princes’, sins, and hellborn, but human overlords were always were more…. well they weren’t used to power and immortality so they often over did it, Alastor was no different from what you were aware of.

“Are you sure having him is a good idea? Does your dad know?” Charlie nodded confirming her dad did know. “Yeah he doesn’t know who Al is, and to be fair none of us did! I promise he’s not that bad. Give him a chance?” You hummed looking away as she looked to you, you didn’t want to upset her by the discomfort that would be evident in your eyes. You didn’t enjoy brawls and fights, and you fear the demon would initiate that.

“Well i suppose i could trust him if you do, but i am skeptical; you’re always seeing the light in demons, even when it’s not there.” You laughed out recalling some things of the past that ended poorly because of a Charlie’s trust in certain sinners. And though at times foolish it was still an admirable trait and you aspired to be as kind hearted as she could be. “Where’s the guy anyways?” You asked after a short moment of pondering.

Charlie shrugged looking as if she was trying to recount the day. “Well he did say he had a meeting with Rosie,” She muttered quietly, although you didn’t know who Rosie was, you didn’t bother questioning it instead you pat Charlie on the shoulder, telling her that you’d like to get some rest, and you’d worry about Alastor later.

And so you spent a bit of time unpacking your things and settling down, you always preferred to be more in touch with the animalistic parts of yourself so your belongings held a lot of earthy aesthetics to them. Sitting on your bed, stripped of the hotels sheets and remade with your own, you opened your laptop and began typing.

You had forgotten about Alastor for the most part but you remember Charlie brining it up as he began his tyranny after his death. Charlie had always been pretty involved with her people, mainly focusing her energy on human sinner so you weren’t surprised that she knew of him, you were however surprised she was so willing to let him in when he massacred her people.

After a few minutes of light research about the demon, you established with how long he was gone perhaps he would be willing to change however you’d keep up your guards just to be sure.

~

Humming to himself Alastor got ready for the day, though he rarely slept he did occasionally get into evening outfits if he was staying in. He fixed his hair, ensuring not a hair was out of place and with a finally dust of his sleeves, he materialized his microphone and trotted his way out of his room.

A new scent hit him the minute he got to the staircase, the reaction was instantaneous, his ears perked, his tail stiffened thank the hellions no one was around to witness his discomfort, because it was evident. Fixing his posture, and his smile, he pretended nothing was up and continued his way downstairs. He greeted Husk as usual, and like usual Husk only grunted at the demon.

Making his way into the kitchen Alastor was stunted in place by the sight in front of him. There you stood deer tail wagging, singing along to music as you mixed a bowl of who knows what together. Alastor observed you quietly as ever, and definitely not checking you out because that would be rude- however your tail was very much distracting.

Clearing his throat the static spitting out behind his voice, you jumped slightly at the sound of him, looking over your shoulder to where he stood at the kitchen entry. The two of you simply stared at each other for a moment, the song in the background seemingly quieter than before, as if the two of you were in your own little zone.

Alastor couldn’t describe the gravitational pull he had toward you, he would’ve been a fool to deny your beauty, but he’d never had issue admitting when a demon or person was beautiful, it didn’t matter to him, so he couldn’t grasp why you seemed to have an immediate effect on him.

You too felt similarly gawking at the sight of him, i mean you’d never seen pictures of him, only art or depictions, which really didn’t do him any good. You were honestly a little embarrassed, you thought he was incredibly handsome, contrary to your beliefs prior to this moment, and you felt a little silly to suddenly feel like going back on your apprehension about him simply because of how attractive he was.

Deciding to finally break the intense yearning gaze the two of you held, Alastor perked up stepping close to you swinging his hand out to shake. “Alastor darling, pleasure to meet you, quite the pleasure.” Going unnoticed by you, Alastor’s voice involuntarily dropped lower, making it come out more sultry than he’d ever done during an introduction. Of course Alastor was aware it wasn’t his normal voice and wondered why the hell he decided to modify his tone to come out as seductive as it did; was it just by nature?

“I’m YN, Charlie’s best friend. I don’t know if you knew i was staying but i am, surprise! Heh,” You say a little nervously sticking out your hand but quickly retracting it, as it was covered in dough. “I’m making bread and breakfast, do you like french toast?” You finish finally gaining the courage to meet his gaze properly.

His eyes were lidded, and he looked down at you only with his eyes keeping his head forward, which made you feel some type of way. He had such a big presence, height aside, that would make anybody on the receiving end of his heated gaze, shrink. “I suppose i wouldn’t mind a little bite to eat, tell me little doe, how do you make such a meal?”

Of course Alastor knew what french toast was, but he’d much prefer to play stupid so he could listen to you speak, and have you look up at him so deliciously. “Well, i’m making some homemade no yeast bread, and then i’m gonna do the egg and frying, normally i mix some cinnamon and honey in, but i might not since i don’t know what you guys like. A lot of people put syrup, but i can’t stand it; too sticky.” You explained mixing all of your ingredients, turning to him you smiled.

“Would you mind greasing the pan for me, please?” Alastor nearly purred at you with how you requested his help he would’ve bent himself backwards if it meant you’d ask him like that again. The way these emotions hit him in the gut; the undeniable feeling of desire he was trying to fight against was incredibly intense and oddly, he liked it. “Of course my dear, whatever you wish, i shall see to.” With the snap of his fingers his hair had been pulled back, suit jacket gone, leaving him in only his white button up, and a pink apron.

Shamessly your eyes roamed his figure watching as he began to grease the pan with his hand. His eyes still lidded and smile relaxed. You enjoyed how he stood tall and relaxed, and it was only now when you caught a peek of his red tail that you realized; “You’re a deer?”

Alastor paused momentarily, eyes lazily difting toward you. He didn’t mind that you saw his tail, and he was a little surprised you lacked to notice he was a deer. “What did you think i was sweetheart?” Alastor exclaimed his entertainment persona peeking through as he did. You peeled your eyes away feeling a little bad for staring at him, instead you focused on placing the bread into the bow greased pan before responding. “Maybe a fox, but to be honest i didn’t think too much about it.”

Alastor hummed in agreement, watching as you placed the bread in to the oven. There weren’t many does Alastor has seen, many bucks but does were more of a rarity. The two of you made breakfast, bantering about things here and there and getting to know one another.

“What’s earth like?” You asked watching him prepare dough for beignets which he insisted you tried as it was a lousiana breakfast staple- but also because he wanted to have you to himself just a bit longer, and show off his cooking skills. “What do you mean dear?” Alastor questioned brows furrowed slightly, but his inquiry came soft with no judgement. “I’m not human, moms an angel, dad was one of the few hell borns that kinda just popped up, we don’t know where he went to though, anyways i’ve never seen the earth.”

Now that, was news to him. He suspected you were something special based off the tugging feeling he had toward you, but being a literal angel wasn’t something he would’ve bet on, but should’ve guessed on. Without a worry in his mind, Alastor happily told you about his home in new orleans, what it was like being a radio host, how in got into voodoo, how he new some cajun french, as well as his mother.

Leaning on the counter head rested on his hand, looking at you dreamily while the beignets fried. “My mother was an angel, she was my biggest supporter at the time, the reason i kept pushing. I have the upmost respect for mothers like mine.” You, as equally lost in the dream like bliss Alastors presence brought you, smiled at his story’s ogling at the man who spoke so highly of his mom. “That’s the sweetest Alastor, I wish i could’ve met the woman who made you into such a gentlemen.” You flirt subtly gently patting his arm.

Alastor hummed a lovesick smile on his face his tail wagging happily behind him as the two of you continued to yap. Tails syncing with the way they swayed unnoticed by you two as you lost yourselves in eachother, also going unnoticed was Charlie giddy as could be, in the background jumping up and down. Slipping away to Vaggie, Charlie gripped her like she was her life line. “YN and Alastor are totally going to get together! Ahh!” Charlie squealed shaking a limp Vaggie back and forth.

~

“Mhm Alastor please please please,” You chant wrapped tightly around the demons waist, as he pressed you up against your dresser. After a full day of being alongside Alastor the tension snapped between you two, although it took a few things to get there. First Angel hitting on you right after breakfast, it made Alastor seethe the symbols and static materializing as he watched Angel hit on you. It made Alastor realize such a sweet doe like you must be marked, can’t have other buck or demon filth thinking they can just put there hands on you.

The second thing that egged him on was when the two of you went for a stroll together, and while in a store witnessed a demon repeatedly harass you while you simply tried to pick out a dress! Alastor apologized for the blood shed, but he professed he needed to obliterate that demon to protect you and that would be the only time he would ever put you in a position to see such things. Which made your heart flutter, you felt the desire to have him protect you, it’s not like you couldn’t do it yourself but it made you weak in the knees to have a demon like Alastor jumped to protect you.

Thrusting into you needily, Alastor growled like a mad man his hand climbing up your body to grab your cheeks gently fixing your gaze up to him. “You’re mine,” Static laced his tone as he hissed out at you, pushing his body flush to yours. Moaning like a whiny porn star, you nodded in your head in a daze. “My mate,” He muttered again breathing deeply as he clenched his teeth.

Reaching your hands up to grab his antlers that sprout, you couldn’t help the way your body shook and the way you lewdly moaned. You felt so electrified and couldn’t contain the pleasure Alastor was making you feel. “Please Al, I love it so good,” You whined against his lips, his smile closed and strained as his lips brushed against yours, your breath tickling him as you whined.

Smashing your lips together Alastor picked up the pace feeling like a wild animal. He wanted you, forever, he wanted you to be his one and only, his only doe. Making himself hornier with the thought of having you all to himself his static crackled loudly as he thought up something mischievous. Pulling back from your heated kiss, you whined begging him to kiss you, touch you and fuck you, smiling at you in your disheveled state, a green huge suddenly engulfed the room.

The two of you lit up like neon as symbolize shined in the background. “Give yourself to me little doe, be my mate for entirety and the world is yours, anything you or your friends want i will give you. I can’t let such a thing like you go, i need you.” Alastor statically said, it sounded quite ominous but you were too horny to pick up on that, you could only pay attention to the need you had between your legs and in your heart. Alastor wanted you to be his forever, linked to you for eternity. Perhaps it was the fact that you were both deer that you two had this simultaneous connection, but regardless you couldn’t care you just wanted him back as much as he wanted you.

Thrusting yourself upward into him, you gripped his hand, while clenching down on him at the same time. “Yes, always i’m yours only; it’s a deal.” You moaned. Growling demonically Alastors green disputes like electricity, escaping this room and flowing through the hotel like wave. Feeling his heart bloom Alastors ears clipped back as he jackhammered into you, the dresser slamming against the wall while you squealed a little giggle bubbling out from how needy he became. That giddiness left as a violent hot mass washed over you, screaming out a moan you clutched Alastor, singing out his name through moans of appreciation as he coaxed you with praises through your orgasm.

It shook your body, and soon after Alastor came to a halt inside you, biting down hard on your neck. You moaned his name, not even feeling pain as he sunk his teeth into you down to the gum. After a few moments of licking up your blood he pulled away gazing into your fucked out eyes. As you were about to tell Alastor that you needed to figure out why you were both so suddenly connected, Charlie bolted in.

“YOU MADE A DEA- FUCK IM SORRY!” Within the span of two seconds Charlie had two separate panic attacks, one because she saw the green deal making light shoot through the hotel while you were alone with Al, and the second right after she closed to door from seeing the two of you intertwined at the hips.

[rebelliousstories]

Can I request suggestive headcanons for Remy, Logan, Wade, and poly Logan & Wade reacting to his shy gn s/o immediately covering their eyes while apologising profusely because they accidentally saw him half-naked because he was changing clothes please?

Walking in on Their S/O Changing…

Fandom: X-Men

Request: Yes by Anon

Warnings: Suggestive themes, Brief Strong Language, Fluff

Word Count: 1,043

Main Masterlist: Here

X-Men Masterlist: Here

Logan Howlett/ The Wolverine

* Okay, so keep in mind that this man has been alive for more than 200 years. He’s seen a lot. He’s done a lot. There is not much else that can surprise him in terms of learning new things

* However… You can still surprise him

* I completely see him as a man that would just casually steamroll past the fact that you were only in your undergarments. He’s not phased, nor does he care.

* Logan will definitely take the time to ogle if he gets the chance, but he’s aware there is a time and place for that.

* “Hey, we were out of beer so I took the truck to go get some… oh shit.” And with that, he was speechless. Logan’s eyes would trail up and down your figure, even though part of it was obscured by the tshirt that was pressed against your body

* Silently, he would stalk closer and closer to you, never once taking his eyes off of you. His hands would gently pull the shirt away so he could get a better look. Feather light touches would cascade themselves down your arms, and chest; all the while his eyes would drink it up

* Picking you up, he walked over to the bed while holding you and pressing his nose into the crook of your neck

* “What about the beer?”

* “Forget the beer.”

Wade Wilson/Deadpool

* Oh, the beloved merc with the mouth. How do I say this gently? He will both make you love and hate him walking on you. It all started because he had gotten you a new suit that he wanted you to wear.

* Wade had begged and begged you to wear it, but there was no appropriate timing to do so. It had gotten to the point that he had accepted that you weren’t going to wear it. But when you finally had been worn down enough, he got super giddy at the prospect of you wearing it. But you had taken too long in his mind which prompted him to take matters into his own hands.

* “What’s taking you so long, angel cakes? Oh, hello.”

* “Wade! Get out!”

* Throwing things does not deter this man, oh no, my friend. For when he gets a glimpse of you, half undressed with the suit on the bed, he’s gonna need his special sock. Wade is frozen in a state of bliss and was unable to move himself. Not until you forcibly pushed him out, and shut the door on him. When you had finally put the suit on and came out to show him, he was still unable to form complete sentences or even words at you.

* Safe to say, you had finally silenced “the mouth”

Remy LeBeau/Gambit

* Ah, Le Diable Blanc. See, I know, you want me to come on here and talk about how big of a flirt Remy is. But no! That boy is a southerner, and southern men are raised to be gentlemen. I truly, in my heart of hearts believe, that if Remy caught you changing, he would blush and book it out of there.

* Hear me out! Just, imagine it, okay…

* It’s late and Remy hasn’t come home from his night out playing cards. The hour was nearing one in the morning, when you finally decide to call it a night, but you’re unable to fall asleep quite yet. Fearing that you’ll have to spend another night watching horrible late night reruns in the motel, you began changing into one of his tshirts to sleep in when you heard the door open. Struggling to get the shirt over your head to have some sort of coverage, you weren’t quite fast enough.

* “Ooh, I tell you cher, it was a goo- oh lord have mercy.”

* And like that, the door was shut again. Maybe you let out a squeak, maybe a gasp. But either way, your ragin’ Cajun was outside the room, breathing heavily and holding it shut. After a few minutes, he pressed his ear to the door to hear inside.

* “Cher, you dressed yet?”

* “Yeah. You can come in.”

* When he does, you’re already under the covers with the remote to the tv next to you, looking at the door. Gambit just grabbed his change of clothes that didn’t smell like sweat, alcohol, and smoke, and went to change in the bathroom. When he came out, he assumed his place with you in bed. On his back with you tucked into his side.

* Although, the only mention he ever gave, was a whisper of, “You look real pretty under all that, cher. Like an angel sent straight to save ol’ Gambit.”

Poly! Wolverine and Deadpool

* Prepare for trouble and make it double! Two lovers with a regenerative healing factor that makes snarky comments? Sign me up!

* This is definitely happening after a morning food run. You’re living with them, and Mary Puppins, and Blind Al, and Wade decided that today was the day for donuts and good coffee. Logan was thoughtful enough to leave a note on his side of the bed stating where they were going and that they would be back.

* This left you and the dog to get ready for the day by yourselves. After a lengthy shower that you didn’t have to share, you had made your way into the room to get some fashion advice from the sweet little pupper.

* “Okay girl. Do we go with the yellow dress, or the red dress today?”

* There was a noise, and two men bumbled into the room.

* “Avert your eyes, sweet summer child. But you should just forgo the dress. And the under garments while you’re at it.”

* “Can you go five minutes without something becoming sexual?”

* Wade gave an mhm while shaking his head, and turned back to his partner. Logan had to do a double take at your state, but there was appreciation in his eyes.

* “Can you two give us girls some privacy?”

* Logan had to drag his counter part out of there even though he managed to break free from the mutant’s hold on a number of occasions. As he left, the Wolverine sent an affirmative grunt and nod towards the red dress in your hands.

[lavenderspence]

To Lean On You | Spencer Reid

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader

Content Warning: post prison!Spencer, mentions of addiction, prison talk (typical for the prison arc), gun use, mentions of death, suggestive themes, idiots in love, angst, so much angst.

Word Count: 8.6K

Summary: You and Spencer wasted years, truths hidden, feelings uncertain, and a fear of the unrequited. It took ten weeks, isolated, silent, and broken, for the realization to strike. There was no life, if you didn’t have each other. 

A/N: It’s finally here! Wow, writing this was a wild ride, honestly. Over a month of writing, blood, sweat, and tears poured over it (there were in fact some tears). This is also the first thing I’ve written in 3 years and I'm very happy to finally be out of my slump. It's probably the angstiest thing I've written ever, and at the same time, I feel like it's not the greatest, but deep down, I still love it, haha. Let me know if I've missed any warnings. And, enjoy and any feedback is appreciated. <3

Here are some of the songs I listened to while writing this if you want to get into the mood:

Hearts by Jessie Ware

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived by Taylor Swift

Lost Without You by Freya Ridings

In This Shirt by The Irresponssibles

masterlist

79 days, 3 hours, and 27 minutes - that’s how long it’s been since he got arrested in Mexico.

70 days, 6 hours, and 13 minutes since you saw him being pulled out of the courtroom after he was deemed a flight risk and denied bail. 70 days, 6 hours, and 13 minutes have passed since you last saw him.

65 days, 7 hours, and 11 minutes, since he was transferred to Millburn Correctional Facility, and this whole nightmare, had started. 

Per Penelope’s carefully crafted schedule, every team member has made numerous trips to visit Spencer - every member except you. You’d only made one trip out, and that had been 3 days after he’d been transferred.

March 4th, 2017

It’s been 8 days since you saw him led in cuffs out of that courtroom, where Penelope had broken down in Luke’s arms, everyone too shocked to make a sound. He’d looked back, his eyes meeting yours briefly, and it had been as if you’d almost seen your reflection in the mirror, every emotion had run between you both in a matter of seconds. 

Shock, you’d almost been sure they would grant bail, and you’d be able to take him home. Almost. 

Fear, for his future and his well-being. Fear of the uncertain. 

Desperation, the desire to run to him and take him into your arms, finally, and to not let go. 

Except you’d held his gaze for as long as you could before you’d looked down and turned your head to save him from seeing you break down in tears. You’d made a hasty escape after that, not sparing any of your teammates a glance, and walked out of the courthouse, stopping by a tree outside. The urge to curl up into a ball and hide, pretending none of this had happened, was strong, and then a hand wrapped around your shoulder. You had turned around, only to see Rossi and one of his sad little smiles, the ones you rarely saw.

“It’s going to be okay,” he’d said, squeezing your shoulder. ”The kid is strong.”

You’d sniffled, trying to hide the tears in your voice. “Yeah, well, I’m not sure I am," you’d whispered in despair. 

You were better than you had been 8 days ago, calmer. Although still heartbroken, you were looking forward to seeing him, seeing with your eyes that he was okay. Garcia had seen him, 2 days ago, before you’d been sent out on a case.  

“He looks good. I mean, as good as that big genius brain of his can look in prison. His eyes were sad though, really, really sad.” She’d paused as if to assure herself it would be alright, “I’m sure he’s looking forward to seeing you, sweetness.” She’d squeezed your hand, but her statement hadn’t rung true. 

Your hands were shaking, you weren’t sure what from. The anticipation you’d felt? The nerves? Or the words you had a hard time coming to terms with.

“I’m sorry, but your name isn’t on Spencer Reid’s approved visitor list,” the guard at the checkpoint had said after rechecking the list. 

“There has to be a mistake, I made an appointment,” you insisted, feeling yourself unravel. It wasn’t possible, you knew for a fact you were on that list, Emily had made sure of that.

“Look, lady. There are only 10 names on that list, and yours is not one of them. Now, you need to move, because there are people here waiting to see their loved ones.” you’d hiccuped and turned around, walking to the lockers to unlock your gun, badge, and phone. 

“I’m here to see a loved one.” You’d wanted to scream, but you knew it would have been futile. There wasn’t anything you could do at that moment. 

You walked to your car, dialing Emily’s number, “This is Prentiss.”  

For a second, only your breathing could be heard over the sound of the wind, and then a tiny sniffle. You wiped at your eyes and nose, and then spoke up, barely, “Why am I not on Spencer’s approved visitor list?” 

“What do you mean? Every member of this team is on the list. So is his lawyer and Diana, even Derek,” you could hear the surprise in her voice, yet you couldn’t keep calm any longer.

"They refused to let me see him! I made the appointment, Emily, and I came, hoping I’d finally see him hear his voice, and ask him-” Your voice broke mid-sentence, and after taking a deep breath, you continued, “Ask him if he was okay, and I was denied because out of the 10 names on that list, it seems mine’s not one of them.” You finished defeated, barely above a whisper.

All was silent for the moment, save for what you could hear was Penelope’s voice on the other end of the line, quietly asking what was going on, “Let me call Fiona and the warden, and I’ll see what happened. Meanwhile, I need you back here, because we just got a case.” Her voice wasn’t leaving anything up for discussion. Still, you couldn’t go, not until you saw him. 

“Emily-” she cut you off.

“It’s not a discussion. I’ll resolve this, but I need you here and your head in the game. Am I clear?” Her voice was stern, but maybe that’s exactly what you needed. Maybe.

“Yeah, clear. I’m on my way back.” You took a deep breath and started the car and the journey back to Quantico, but your mind stayed right there, on the bars that kept you away from the one thing you held dearest. 

As it turns out, there was nothing the warden or Fiona could do. Even Emily Prentiss, Unit Chief of the BAU, couldn't “resolve” the situation. Days, weeks, and months passed, and for 70 days you couldn’t see him, isolated out, not even knowing why.

“-to be in the courthouse in one.” You snapped out of your thoughts, only catching the end of the sentence, digging the heels of your hands into your eyes. You were tired, and it had little to do with the fact that you had been up all night, going over all the evidence with the team and tracing Lindsey Vaughan’s steps to a T in an attempt to exonerate Spencer and finally bring him home. 

You were exhausted, both physically and mentally. You’d been up for more than 24 hours now, but then you hadn’t been sleeping all that well to begin with. Every single night was spent wondering how Spencer was doing, and every time you closed your eyes, you saw him in that cell in Mexico. 

His eyes were red, high out of his mind, barely coherent, dirty, and injured - a far cry from the person you were used to seeing every single day - energetic, passionate, and brilliant. After 12 years, if there was one image you wished to erase from your memory, it was this one. Not all the blood you’ve seen spilled, every victim, be it men, women, or even children, all the horrors of the job, but this. Maybe it made you a bad person, but there was nothing worse than seeing the one person you held dearest at their lowest and not being able to do anything to stop it.

Every waking hour that you weren’t on the job was spent wondering how he was doing and if he was okay. If he was healthy, unharmed, and safe, or as safe as an FBI agent could be in prison. But most of all, the one thing that had kept you up at night, slowly destroying your sanity and making you question everything, had been the one question you couldn’t seem to get an answer to. 

“Why doesn’t he want to see me?”

You’d asked everyone and had waited with battered breath for an answer, a clarification on the matter, and it never came. As shocked as you had been at the notion that you wouldn’t be seeing Spencer for an indefinite amount of time, your team had been even more shocked. They knew the kind of relationship you and Spencer had, how close you’d become over the years, and how much you relied on each other. 

You’d asked every team member, you’d asked yourself, you’d even asked Spencer in a few of the letters you wrote to him, and then there had come a point where you just stopped. 

You were torturing yourself more than enough, day after day, and every single night, asking yourself a question you wouldn’t get an answer to. Not as long as he was locked up in that hellhole and you were out here, trying to keep together the pieces of something, that was on the verge of breaking. 

You felt a hand taking hold of yours, and for a second, you tensed up. Pulled out of your thoughts, you looked up and were met with chocolate brown eyes, full of worry - Emily’s eyes. 

You glanced around the room, only to realize it was empty, save for the two of you. You hadn’t felt when the others had left, that’s how deep in thought you had been. 

“Where did you go? I’ve been calling your name for a while now,” she spoke gently, squeezing your hand. If you were honest, that’s the first time she asked you anything about the situation. You’d spent weeks suffering in silence and trying to pretend that you weren’t slowly dying on the inside. 

You briefly thought about lying, it wouldn’t be the first lie you’d told since Spencer had been incarcerated, but you didn’t have it in you to hide anymore. 

And so, for the first time since Spencer’s hearing, you told the truth.

“Nothing makes sense anymore, Em,” it left you in a whisper, “I’m barely holding it together. I feel like I’m drowning sometimes, and just when I breach the surface, I’m pulled back in. My mind, it’s...I question everything, all the time. My mornings start with thoughts about him, and my nights end with tears over him, over this entire…this nightmare. I keep waiting for my alarm to go off, to wake up and realize that this has been a plot of my imagination, some cruel joke my mind has conjured, designed to show me... "Your eyes welled with tears, prepared to admit something you should have long ago. Emily gave your hand another squeeze, prompting you to continue, and so you did, admitting it for the first time aloud. 

“Designed to show me that I can’t live a life that doesn’t have Spencer in it.” You wiped at your eyes, willing your tears at bay. When you dared to look up, you were met with the eyes of the only other person besides Spencer who has been a constant rock in your life for the last 11 years. What you saw in her eyes then wasn’t surprise like you’d thought, but relief. It took you a moment to fully read her, but it was like a switch had gone off when you finally did. 

“But you’re not surprised to hear this, are you?” you smiled sadly, a light laugh leaving you. 

“I wouldn’t be a good friend if I didn’t have my suspicions, and I’d be an even worse profiler,” she smiled at you, “Plus, there are some feelings that you just can’t hide,” you blinked, and then you blinked again. You hadn’t come right out and said it, and yet she knew, she somehow knew. 

“I didn’t mean it like that.” you tried to backtrack, but you knew it was a losing battle. Emily knew you well enough to smell your bullshit from miles.

“That’s exactly how you meant it, and don’t even try to deny it. I see it every damn day. It’s how you leave the room whenever you hear someone talk about visiting Spencer. You don’t want to hear how he’s doing because you wouldn’t believe it, not unless you see him with your own eyes. But you can’t, so you’ve resigned yourself to the torture of not knowing instead of giving yourself the smallest amount of peace by asking. You’ve been suffering in silence for almost three months, too stubborn to say anything, thinking you were doing yourself a favor. And what for? You’re crying yourself to sleep every night and coming to work the next morning, pretending everything is fine when clearly it’s not. You think you’re fooling everyone, but the only person you’re tricking is yourself. And how’s that working out for you?” she had a point, and it’s not like you weren’t aware of that fact. You knew what you were doing wasn’t okay or healthy. You had the most stable support system imaginable to get you through the hardest parts. It was hard, though, especially when the person who was suffering the most was the person who’d taken your heart with him. 

“Way to call me out, boss.” you were just about ready to end the conversation, you couldn’t take any more of this. You’d promised each other long ago that you wouldn’t profile each other but you had a feeling that was exactly what Emily was doing right now. Maybe not on purpose, and with every good intention imaginable, but you didn’t want that. You didn’t want one of your best friends to try to understand you based on behavioral analysis right after you’d spilled your soul out to her. 

“Just calling it the way I see it, someone has to,” she smiled, but then she shook her head a little before continuing. “What I want to know is why you didn’t say something earlier. You know I would have been there to listen, and so would have the team.” Damn, Emily Prentiss.

You didn’t have to think hard about it, you’ve been ruminating over everything for days. You were trying not to, but whenever your mind wasn’t focused on a case or the many drinking nights spent in Penelope’s purple adobe, that was where your mind would take you.

“Out of fear, I think,” you started, unsure for a second, still nervous to admit it. It wasn’t exactly what she was asking, but it was a start, “I was afraid, and I still am. I’ve been baiting myself into thinking it was just some sort of fondness, a little stronger than that which you feel towards a friend, and far lesser than what it actually is. I thought that if I didn’t say anything, I could go on lying to myself, and nothing would have to change, we wouldn’t have to change. Because words hold meaning, and an admission like that holds weight. What would I have done if it was just me who felt like this? I would have ruined the one thing we’ve both cherished for over a decade.” It felt good to finally say all of this out loud instead of holding it inward. But then again, Emily always knew when you'd had enough. 

She’d told you time and time again the same thing Hotch had asked of her when she returned to duty after faking her death: “Let me know when you are having a bad day.”. Honestly, you’d held off long enough, and so had she. It was a whole miracle she hadn’t pressed you about your behavior earlier. 

“That’s not what I was asking,” you said, shaking your head with a smile to let her know that you weren’t done speaking. 

“Everyone was suffering as a result of what happened in Mexico, what I was feeling wasn’t any different, Emily.” You were flippant about it, you always have been. You preferred isolating yourself and hiding everything instead of seeking a shoulder to bear the weight of what you felt. 

“Our sadness came from the fact that our friend was framed. And yours? That’s different.” 

“It isn’t,” she scoffed, getting up. Now you really felt like you were about to get scolded like a child.

“Yes, it is. God, you and Spencer are the same. It’s like I’m looking at his doppelganger without the whole… IQ of 187. You share some of the worst qualities a person can have,” you laughed at that, “You are both changeophobes-” you cut her off

“Metathesiophobia, fear of change.” She only raised her hand at you, as if to say, “See, you even sound like him,” which made you laugh even more. 

“You close yourselves off after a sad or traumatic experience, silently hoping you’d be able to get through the worst of it on your own. Most of the time, it’s evident that’s not the case. You only ask for help when you’ve reached rock bottom or have no other choice, but you’ve had a choice from the get-go. Your stubbornness even stems from the same anxieties, it’s infuriating,” she seemed to calm down then, in defeat maybe, or she hadn’t been mad, to begin with, she sat down again. 

“My point is, it shouldn’t have taken you learning that he might be coming home today to tell me all of this. I’ve known for a long time that there was something far more than platonic friendship on your end. You shouldn’t have tortured yourself since his trial to try to put the puzzle pieces together. You aren’t late, you have all the time in the world to say what you feel and what you want, and rejection shouldn’t be a factor, believe me. You need to make peace with that fear because Spencer is coming home today. And whether you are ready or not, you both need to have a serious conversation.” You appreciated her determination about Spencer being released, but then again, you had more than circumstantial evidence to support the fact that he was innocent. But, as always, Emily was right. He was coming home today, and after months of not seeing each other, there were a lot of things you needed to say. 

“I know. Thank you, Emily, for everything,” you whispered, squeezing her tight. 

Spencer’s POV

The first breath of fresh air after being on the inside for months felt far more overwhelming than he thought it would be. Being in charge of your being and your responses and emotions felt almost unnatural like the feeling of it didn’t belong to him. The sound of the wind and the traffic, people’s voices, and even the simple act of getting comfortable in the leather seats of the jet overwhelmed any ability to concentrate and think straight. 

In itself, it was strange. The prison was loud, the prison commissary at breakfast, lunch, and dinner was a cacophony of prisoners talking, cells being opened, and guards barking orders. The yard was loud too, although, in the middle of nowhere, nature could still be heard - the sounds of trees and the lone birds, if he had to guess a mix of Mourning Dove and Field Sparrow. Their songs were soothing most of the time, a welcome distraction from the usual noises around him. 

Without the atmosphere he’d gotten used to and subjected to all of those sounds and people whose presence he found comforting before, he now felt almost out of place. He wanted to feel at peace, he wanted to feel free, and although he technically was, his mind was more trapped than he’d actually been in that 2 by 2 cell in cellblock C.

He kept replaying some of the hardest moments from his time in, every threat, every punch he’d gotten, and the phantom feel of the fists connecting. Luis’ blood on his hands, the smell of bleach incorporated with the drugs, the tip of the sharpened toothbrush embedding into his thigh. All he’d done to survive, harm, and more harm, only to make it out alive. 

He barely recognized himself. He’d deliberately ignored looking at himself in the small plastic mirror in his cell, for fear of seeing what he’d had to become. Gone was the Spencer who’d use his brain to get out of situations, whose obliviousness more often than not helped to balance his intellect with the socially acceptable. Gone was the bubbly personality of a kid excited to share a plethora of facts with his friends. 

In his place sat a man, tormented by the reality of the hatred felt towards him. The reality of being a pawn in a game whose complexity could have been his downfall. A man whose genius, as much of a blessing, could sometimes be a curse. A man who had felt too much and was made to experience far more loss than his quaint heart was able to take. In the end, he kept losing, be it his father, by no choice of his own. His mentor, at the hands of a killer’s insanity. His friends and loved ones, hoping for a better life or his freedom, made to rot in a place he didn’t deserve to be in. 

Some would doubt that he had anything at all left to lose. All in all, how much more could the scrawny twelve-year-old child prodigy, left to survive in a public high school, take? 

His mind had been plagued by that question for years. He’d thought about that more than he’d like to admit. After every loss, there’d been a split moment where he’d asked himself what was next. What would be the next thing life would take from him? And every time, he’d had to wonder if, next time, life wouldn’t reach for the one thing he couldn’t allow to be taken from him. The one thing that, were he to lose, he’d never recover. He had hoped, sometimes prayed, that after everything he’d seen, everything he’d lived through, this would be the one thing that’d be spared. 

Locked in that cage, he’d tried even harder to ensure that there wouldn’t be another loss in his life - not anymore. Be it good or bad, he’d done everything. For 70 days, he’d had to assure himself he was doing what he thought was right, and what he wasn’t saying, he’d be forgiven for. He’d had to dodge questions and see the disappointment in his friend’s eyes, and when that wasn’t enough of a burden to bring all of his anxieties to the surface, he’d resigned himself to reading the words of the person he was doing all of this for - you. 

He’d reread every letter to the point where the edges of the papers were worn out, even though he’d known the contents by heart on the first read. He tortured himself by looking at your handwriting, analyzing the slanting of the words and the pressure of the pen. The little stains on the paper, he didn’t have to be a genius to know, were your tears. It broke his heart, to know he was causing you this much pain. He didn’t need to be there to see it, he felt it through your words.

He often questioned if it was worth it, if he was protecting you, or himself, or maybe even what you were or weren’t.

Even now, the weight of your words sat heavily on his mind, and right by his heart, in the pocket of his jacket, he felt the weight of the 9 letters you wrote. 

As he looked over from the little window of the jet, he couldn’t help but wonder if, in his desire to shield you from everything, he hadn’t gone too far. Ultimately, was he going to be forgiven, or be forced to pick up the pieces of the reality broken by his own doing?

“Don’t do that.” JJ’s gentle voice startled him from the overwhelming nature of his thoughts. She’d spent the last 30 minutes since they boarded silently observing him, waiting for him to pick up a conversation. But he’d decided to stay num. 

In every twitch of his fingers, in his desire to get comfortable but being unable to, she could see that he was restless. If she had to guess, his mind was much the same. 

“Do what?”

She gave him a look, one, had he not known her long enough, he might have been offended by. Clearly, she was offended herself, watching him play the clueless card. 

“Spence, I don’t need to profile you to know that your mind’s running a thousand miles a minute, contemplating your decisions, and I don’t think you should. You did what you thought was right, and no one blames you for that, not for Mexico, and not for what you did after,” she spoke evenly, gathering even Penelope and Alvez’s attention from where they sat. He looked over, receiving a smile and a nod from both before focusing on JJ again. 

Rationally, he knew she was right about everything. He didn’t need to run himself ragged with everything he could have done differently, or search for the perfect way to explain, or overall, the perfect outcome of his own decisions. He knew there wasn’t one, there was no perfect way to say what he needed to, no perfect words to pick so he could fix this and erase the pain he knew he’d caused. 

Perfection wasn’t something you could strive to achieve, because there’s no such thing as perfection. The term was diverse, everyone had a different perspective on what that might look like. If for JJ, perfection was the family that waited for her at home every time she returned from a case, for Spencer, perfection was vastly different. 

For him, perfection was the rich aroma of coffee that could cause someone’s insulin to spike because of the amount of sugar in it. The softness of a book page between his fingers, or the familiarity of a book he’d read before but needed to revisit. 

Perfection was the sound of your laugh whenever he was the one to prompt the sound. The way your eyes lit up every time you listened to him babble on. Perfection was the time he got to spend with you every day, every hour, and every minute that he could remember with almost scary accuracy. 

He could sit and wonder what the perfect way to go about this was, but there simply wasn’t one, there was only the truth. And as painful, hopeful, or even a little dumb as it was, that was the best he could give.

And maybe that’s what his mind should focus on instead, the truth, in its simplest form, at its core the truth he’d hidden for months, and then the truth he’d hidden for years. 

He had wondered long enough if he’d made the right choice. He spent plenty of time focusing on the shame he’d felt, prompted by the disappointment he’d seen in his friends’ eyes whenever they brought up your name. How he’d sit, silent, or give an answer so short and angry, it’d add even more shame to the one he already felt. 

Beyond his time in prison, where he spent most of his time questioning his decisions, he spent years before that questioning himself as a person. His place on the team, his intelligence, even his failings. His inability to form relationships where he’d be seen as more than Dr. Reid, or the skinny kid, pretty boy, or a genius. A relationship that’d make him feel like simply Spencer, without the added adjectives, that sometimes made him feel like a circus clown. 

Only when he’d been locked up, had he started to realize that he’d finally built a relationship with someone with whom he could be himself. The most basic, boring, and peaceful version of himself, and slowly, all had started falling into place. 

How content he felt whenever he was around you, the desire to tell you every good or bad news he received. How when you asked about his mother, it warmed his heart, or how worried he felt when you acted stupid in the field. How out of control he’d felt when you’d gone missing last year. Or even, at the time, the unexplained jealousy he’d felt seeing you talk with another man.

Morgan had asked, once, twice, a lot, if maybe he didn’t have a crush, but he’d denied it, every time. And every time he’d question himself, he'd dismiss the idea just as quickly. 

Yet, upon being forced away from you, the pieces had started mending into one. 

Every realization he’d had was like a new broken piece being glued to the overall mosaic. And every new piece added built everything he felt about you. And it was a lot, and it was overwhelming, and so, so right, it sometimes felt wrong. Because he was inside a prison of his own doing, and you were out there, made to wait for him, for an explanation, for the truth. 

And he’d vowed to himself that the moment he was out, he’d put everything on the table, no matter how much he’d fucked up or how much he’d hurt you. He’d sit there, and he’d let it out, and if necessary, he’d even beg for your forgiveness. 

Because there wasn’t a moment in this life, he wanted to live through, without you there with him.

Your POV

You pulled the trigger, your eyes focused, and your hands steady. Three consecutive shots were fired, each one hitting its intended target. Three more followed, and then as many as it took to empty the magazine. 

You put down the gun and took a deep breath, steadying your heartbeat, trying to rid yourself of the deep-seated anxiety you felt. An odd sense of calm overtook you whenever you found yourself at the shooting range. Maybe it was the everpresent scent of gunpowder or the quiet only disturbed by the firing of a gun. Or even the possibility of escaping your rising thoughts, the desire to run or scream, sometimes both. 

There was a sense of solitude there that almost made it easier to breathe. The repetitive motion and the weight of the gun in your hands felt like second nature. 

Front sight, trigger press, follow through, just like Hotch had taught you all those years ago. As long as you held that gun, your mind was quiet, and you focused on something other than the worry you felt. 

It made sense you found yourself there shortly after Emily had shared the long-awaited good news - Spencer was finally free, and JJ, Penelope, and Luke were on route back with him. For a short moment, you’d felt the weight being lifted from your chest, and then it dropped again, now tripled. 

Suddenly, your earlier conversation with Emily had gotten as real as the target before you. Even with the sense of peace, you’d felt after, your thoughts on the matter clear, you still felt a sense of dread at the idea of seeing him. 

As if he wasn’t your best friend, the man who’d long ago won your affection and captured your heart, but rather a stranger who held your future in his hands. And he might as well be, because whatever the truth to the questions you wanted answered was, one thing was for sure.

It’d either make or break you both.

You picked up a new magazine, and loaded the gun, aiming at the target before releasing the safety. Before you fired again, you released a breath, and with it, all the feelings within you - fear, uncertainty, yearning, and the sense of madness, which, although mild, was persistent.

You fired once, twice, your aim impeccable, and then, out of nowhere, you missed. 

The hair at the back of your neck rose, your heart rate quickened, and the feeling of another’s presence in the room was unmistakable. It took you just a second to put the pieces together, the intrusion felt like anything but that. 

Instead, for a brief moment, the person brought with them a familiar feeling of calm. In the next instance, though, reality came crashing like a tidal wave, and you knew you’d run out of time. 

Your hands shook as you put down the gun. You could feel him watching you, probably standing next to the door, as if he couldn’t will himself to move closer. The anxiety was palpable in the air, although you couldn’t really say if it was yours or his, most likely, it was a mix of both.

You went to reach for your protection but hesitated. Once you took it off, there’d no longer be an excuse for you to ignore him, you’d finally have to meet the reality he’d so carefully crafted for you.

Even though you felt like you could barely breathe, the desire to finally lay your eyes on him won out. 

Without missing another beat, you took off your earplugs and then your eye protection. You could faintly hear the sound of shoes squicking against the floor. He could never stay still when he was nervous.  

You picked up on the sound of your own breathing too, the beating of your heart was almost erratic. You were waiting, what for, you weren’t sure. 

He was waiting too, for you to turn around, to lay his eyes on you. Like a sadist, waiting to see the pain he’d caused, or a masochist, wishing for his own in turn. 

70 days of slowly killing you both.

When you finally dared to turn around, it took you a moment to fully take him in. He looked like the Spencer you knew, yet there was something different about him too. Dressed in his usual suit and tie outfit, he didn’t look comfortable. His posture was rigid, almost defensive. It wasn’t a conscious decision, that much you were sure of.

His hair was longer, pushed back, curling at the ends, and he’d lost some weight. Not much, but enough to make an impression after all this time. He looked pensive, like the weight of the world sat on his shoulders, but maybe it was just the weight of the consequences he had to face.

Your eyes ran over every inch of him multiple times, intentionally avoiding his gaze for as long as possible. Seconds and minutes passed, and you weren’t really sure how much exactly. 

Spencer knew, though, of course, he did. If his fear of meeting you eye to eye was as great as yours was, you knew he was counting until the torture of the act itself was over. 

89 seconds he’d counted, although now with you there, they felt longer than the days without you did. 

When you eventually met his gaze, you felt a part of your heart chip on the inside. What people said about the eyes being a portal to one's soul couldn’t have been more right in that moment. Spencer, a man who excelled at hiding his emotions when he really wanted to, had let them out as clear as day for you to see. 

His eyes sparkled with so much sadness and guilt that it threatened to take you apart even before he had the chance to talk. Something softened within you at that moment, but in the next instance, it was like someone else took over. 

One moment you wanted to cry for him or with him, and the next you felt like your whole being needed to be let out. 

“Is that…is that all you can offer me right now? More of your silence? Don’t you think I’ve had enough of that?” The questions, a few of many to follow, had a bite to them. 

His face fell a little, taken aback by your tone. He fidgeted with his fingers, unsure what to say, or where to start. How could he answer your question? He pictured a scenario where his words flew freely, where he gave you an explanation worthy of forgiveness and a confession, so earnest that it ended with you in his arms. 

Try as he might, the words didn’t come to him, just a barely audible accusation. 

“That’s not fair.”

You scoffed, as if in outrage. A madness, one born out of so much heartbreak, took over, it was blinding. If someone had asked you to explain yourself, you’d say that wasn’t you. You’d never be so forward, almost cruel, to him, but at that moment, being mad sounded so much better than being vulnerable. Like a shield, you weren’t ready to let go of yet.

“How exactly is this not fair, Spencer? It’s the truth!” you yelled, and you felt free, finally letting it all out. “You want to know what isn’t fair, though? The way you isolated me OUT of your life! For three months, I’ve had to stand on the sidelines and beg for scraps, just to know you were okay. Every pitiful look I’d get from the people I consider family felt like another stab to the heart. That’s what’s not fair!” You were screaming so loud. It was a good thing the range was soundproof, otherwise, the whole of the BAU would have been deep in your business by now. 

If he looked surprised by the accusation, he didn’t really show it. His posture took a turn, though. The rigidity disappeared, and in turn, it opened, as if the need to comfort you overpowered the uncertainty or the mask he’d had to hold while imprisoned. 

You didn’t want his comfort, not right now. Maybe later, when all was said and done, you’d get to have a normal conversation without the frustrations of the past. At that moment, you just wanted everything out of your system. You wanted the questions, the answers, and the truth. 

His silence continued as he started closing the distance between you. You wanted to move, to create more distance, but there was nowhere to go. You were squeezed between the range, and him. Whatever else was left than to continue begging for clarity.

“It’s not fair being sent away the first time I came to see you. To learn you didn’t want to see me! Each time it was my turn to visit you, do you want to know where I was? I sat outside that fucking prison, wishing for a glimpse of the person who’s been my rock for 12 years! Holding back tears, thinking you didn’t…you didn’t care like I did. Is this what I really deserve after 12 years by your side?” You almost slipped, you almost told him, and maybe you should have, it might have prompted him to talk or to say something. But no, he stayed silent. Step after step, he limped, his cheek twitched, and his brows furrowed, but like a coward, he remained quiet. 

He was meters away from you, three more steps, and he’d completely close the distance, and meet you face to face. 

“Say something, Spencer, damn it!” Your throat burned from the strain, and he advanced even more. “Anything,” you finished in a whisper, and all of a sudden, all the fight left you, and your eyes watered and your vision went blurry. 

He was just a step away then, and when you looked into his eyes, you couldn’t help but see how they shined. 

He reached forward, one hand taking hold of your arm while the other went to hold your waist, but you shook your head. “No, Spencer, please,” you whispered. You didn’t want to find yourself in his arms, because that would be the last of your composure, gone. You’d surrender to the feel of him like you even had a choice not to. 

He didn’t stop, not until you were snug into his arms, one of his hands at the back of your neck, holding your head tenderly, but the arm around your waist held onto you as if he was scared you’d slip away from him. 

Once in his arms, you finally let go, breaking down into pieces, hoping he’d be able to hold them all from crumbling to the ground. 

“Hey, shh, it’s okay. I’ve got you.” He kept repeating, his thumb rubbing soothing circles on your pulse point. All the while, you could only stand, your arms at your sides, as if paralyzed.

Being in his arms felt like being home somehow. It felt so right after having been deprived of the feeling for so long. It felt like there was nothing wrong, and nothing could go wrong at that moment. 

Even though you hadn't initially wanted his comfort, somewhere deep inside, you craved his tender touch. You craved the feel of his body near and the faint scent that was so uniquely him - a mix of coffee, fall, and old paper, books. You realized then that you craved the sound of his voice too, another part of him you’d been deprived of. 

The voice of the always rambling boy that never failed to bring a smile to your face, even when you couldn’t understand him sometimes. 

And the more he whispered, his voice broken and shaky, the harder you cried. You’d thought nothing could match the heartbreak of his actions or the anger of his silence, but the reality of being held against him brought the realization that your suffering mirrored his own. 

If you’d been dying on the inside for months, he’d been on the other side of the link holding you tethered to each other, dying just as much. 

And you couldn’t hold yourself back any longer after that. You buried your head in the crook of his neck, and your arms finally circled his waist underneath his suit jacket, fisting the back of his shirt as if it were your one lifeline. 

You felt him exhale when you finally returned his touch, most likely in relief, before he dropped a light kiss on your head. 

You cried for the relief of having him back and close. For unspoken truths and time wasted, years of figuring out feelings clear as day. For all the anger, for all of his silence, for all you felt for him. 

He cried for all the pain he’d caused you and for all the time he’d wasted being alone instead of being with you. He cried for himself, he cried for you, and he cried, overwhelmed by his feelings for you. 

You clung to one another, crying, and minutes were passing and neither of you cared. Not when you had each other. 

After a while, when both your tears dried out and your cries quieted, but you still felt the need to hold each other close, you dared to murmur a broken “Why?” hoping he’d hear, hoping he’d understand. 

It didn’t take him long to mumble a reply, no longer silent. 

“All the words in the world available, and I wish I could explain.” it came out just as quietly, both of you scared to break the little bubble you’d found yourselves in. 

You pulled back from him, wanting to look into his eyes, red-rimmed and still sparkling when you felt yourself begging again. 

“Then try, please, because I’d rather know, and not understand, than not know at all.” And it was the truth. He could speak in riddles if he wanted, but you needed to know why he’d made that choice. 

You looked at him expectantly before he pushed a piece of hair back, and his hand once again settled at the back of your head, gently cupping it. 

“I wanted you safe from a world you didn’t belong in,” he admitted on an exhale, like a lifelong secret he’d gotten tired of holding onto. 

You looked at him in wonder, and it was on the tip of your tongue to tell him he didn’t belong in that world either, but just as you opened your mouth to speak, he shook his head. 

“I was ashamed when I had you removed from the visitor’s list. I didn’t want you to see me like that, like a criminal,” he started, pulling you into his arms, not wanting to admit it to you eye to eye, out of fear of being right. Of course, he was wrong, but that didn’t stop him from wondering. 

“The first time JJ visited me, they leered at her like they were being fed fresh meat, taking her in, committing her to memory. A cage full of animals. I knew then that I didn’t want that for you, and any guilt I had at keeping you away disappeared that day. It hurt me, knowing I was failing you and whatever trust you had in me,” he whispered, wishing to keep the reality of his thoughts and his feelings in a little bubble as if you only existed in it.

“I’m not the same person I was before, I couldn’t be him, even if it meant losing a part of myself in the process. I couldn’t really be a decent human being without bearing the consequences. Everything I saw, everything I did, and everything that was done to me, I don’t think I’d ever fully be the person I was before. And that too, I’m thankful I spared you from seeing.” It would explain his rigidity, a defense mechanism he’d had to get used to. 

And while everything he’d said thus far was true the biggest truth, he’d had yet to say. He had yet to really explain why he’d done what he’d done in the first place. He was stalling, still afraid, but the longer he held you, the longer he felt your heart beating in time with his, the more sure he became. 

To hell with the consequences, to hell with whatever happened after, he was right here in the now, alive, breathing, his arms around you, finally at peace. 

He pulled back, took your face into his hands, and finally whispered.

“Most of all, though, I knew I loved you enough to risk us if it meant keeping you safe.” It left him in a rush, a confession waiting to be let out for months. A feeling he’d had for years, and a moment where he could finally be open about it. 

“What…?” you licked your lips, shocked that you might not have heard him correctly. ”What does us mean?” This part of the conversation felt like you were daydreaming about it, it just didn’t feel real. 

“It means whatever you want it to be. Whatever you want us to be.” All of a sudden, it was that simple. 

“So, you love me?” You had a hard time taking it all in, yet your heart fluttered in pure happiness. “And you…you want us?” 

"Yes.” Even before you were done speaking, he was already answering. He was desperate to finally admit he was absolutely smitten by you. 

Months of figuring out your feelings, years of hiding them, a conversation to finally prompt a confession out of you, and all this time it was reciprocated. You could have cried, happiness like no other coursing through you, pure bliss. 

You wanted back into his arms, you wanted to kiss him so badly that your blood was burning from the need to feel him like you'd never been able to before. And yet, you knew there was something else you needed to do before you could finally do it.

“Spence, you don’t push away the people you love, no matter the cost. You rely on their love to help aid you when you’re at your lowest.” You gave his sides a light squeeze before you looked back into his eyes, only to see them hopeful and uncertain at the same time.

He looked hopeful, for the possibility that you might actually love him back, but uncertain because it felt like you might be pushing him away this time. 

“I can’t go through this again. Having to watch you wither away, in prison, at home, or by your own thoughts, I won’t be able to handle being pushed away again,” whispers, cries, pleas, memories full of heartbreak intertwined with present confessions full of joy. 

His eyes watered then, his lips trembling. Any sign of hope was gone, and in its’ place stood the realization of a man who’d maybe gone a little too far. He’d pushed you away, and now, it was your time to be the one sticking and twisting the knife deep, breaking his heart in the process. 

If someone were to ask him at that moment what his biggest regret was, he’d say this. This was his biggest regret, his own choices. 

A tear escaped him, and you reached up, wiping it away gently before you spoke again.

“If..if this is going to go anywhere, you need to rely on me. You need to believe that I can handle anything and everything, just as long as you are by my side. All those years of being pushed away - your addiction, Maeve and Gideon’s deaths, your mom’s diagnosis, Cat Adams - you weren’t alone then, you aren’t alone now, and you won’t be alone in the future. You’ll always have me by your side, you’ll always have my support. Most of all, you’ll have my love, but when things get hard, I need you to lean on me, and trust that I can help you because together we can pull through everything, anything is possible as long as we are together.” You finished on an exhale, full-on crying now. You could barely see him, but from the little you could, you saw tears streaming down his face, and a smile that grew wide, happy.

Those words, he knew them word for word. For 13 days, he’d repeat them, no longer needing to see them written down, he had them engraved in his brain. Your letters he could recite, but your final one he’d remember as long as he lived. 

“I promise to lean on you and trust that you’d help me because together we can pull through everything, anything is possible as long as we are together,” he whispered back, his eyes searching yours for just a moment before he pulled you in, and finally, his lips met yours. 

He kissed you, tentative at first, testing the waters. He wanted to take his time, commit your lips to memory, gentle, and plump, exactly how he’d imagined they’d feel. The more he kissed you, the more he couldn’t stop. Passion, urgency, desire - his kisses turned desperate like he wanted to swallow you whole and never let you go. 

He bit your lip gently, asking for access, before his tongue intertwined with yours and he pulled you flush against him, closing any gap left between you. Chest, hips, there wasn’t an inch where you weren’t touching. 

It felt so familiar, even though you hadn’t kissed before. So right, like no one's kisses had felt before. As if your whole lives, kissing each other was the missing piece in a complicated puzzle, waiting to be put together. Coming together as one, it felt magnetic, a feeling of euphoria, pure ecstasy, no one else mattered, no other feeling mattered at that moment, other than your hands on each other and your lips locked together. 

Time was passing by, and you didn’t care. Years of missed opportunities, hidden feelings, and long-awaited realizations all led to this moment. Starved for each other, a kiss full of fervor and even the taste of tears was present. Unimaginable, but very real.

When you finally pulled apart, he wiped your tears, and you wiped his in turn, before he gathered you back in the comfort of his arms, laying a kiss on the side of your head.

And between the four walls around you, nestled in each other’s arms, the place where no one could touch you, in a shared breath you both whispered. 

“I love you.” 

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Should I Stay or Should I go? — Housewardens x gn! reader

summery: you have the option to stay in Twisted Wonderland or to go to your home world...which would you choose?

tw: angst, unhealthy coping mechanisms

wc: 3.3k

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You stare in shock as Crowley pats himself on his back, chuckling to himself about how generous he was. He had finally found you a way home. Something you weren’t sure you even wanted anymore, but what other choice did you have? It’s not like you could stay…right?

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Riddle Rosehearts

“I see,” Riddle hums, trying to not let his voice shake. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting, you had been searching for a way home this entire time, your leave was bound to happen. But gosh did it feel like his heart was tearing itself apart at the moment. He had secretly hoped that there wasn’t a way for you to go back, as shameful as that was. You had completely changed his life, and he had hoped that you would continue to be by his side, but the choice was yours. It was your life, and he would support you no matter what.

You Leave

Riddle almost didn’t even show to say goodbye to you, but he couldn’t let you leave on bad terms. He felt his heart shatter as you disappeared through the mirror, never to see you again. He felt angry at first, seething about how selfish you were to leave him, how angry he was to allow himself to get so attached to someone who was never going to stay. Riddle nearly became a tyrant again, taking his anger out on those around him, Trey barely keeping him in check. 

Then, his anger simmered into sadness. Why had you left? Was this world really so bad? Was he not enough? Of course, the person who teaches him it's okay to not be perfect doesn’t hesitate to leave him. His change is obvious, he had become so happy with you around, and now that you were gone he had dulled exponentially. He will move on eventually, but in the meantime he finds himself writing you letters, wishing you were around to help him in these hard times.

You Stay

“A-are you sure?” Riddle couldn’t help but stutter when you first told him. Ever since you told him Crowley found you a way home, he had been preparing to see you disappear. To live a life without you in it. So when you told him you wanted to stay he found his heart jumping for joy, unsure if he should get his hopes up. Did you really, truely want to stay? To leave all your old friends and family behind? Have you thought this through enough?

“Yes,” You stated firmly, determination clear in your eyes. “I want to stay.” 

Riddle does whatever he can to help you with your transition. Do you need to file paperwork to become a citizen? Of course, where do you wish to live? He’ll give you the appropriate paperwork and even help you fill it out and send it to the correct offices. Riddle will also spend more time with you, he had clearly taken your presence for granted, and he’d be damned if he did so again. He wants to make sure you don’t regret your decision of staying, and he hopes you choose to keep him by your side.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Leona Kingscholar

Leona glowered at you, snarling out, “Why do I care?” His tail flicked about irritably, the pain in his chest instantly turning into anger. “Just leave for all I care.” Why did he keep talking? He was making things worse, but pushing people away was his defense mechanism, and he wasn’t gonna let you know how much he actually cared. How much he wished you would stay, how he wished he wouldn’t come second once more. All he could do was try to ignore the impending doom he felt in his heart, ignore the fact that perhaps he was just as alone as he thought.

You Leave

Leona didn’t bother to say goodbye. Lying in his bed, trying to ignore the fact that you were leaving for good at this very moment. Ruggie had tried to get him to go, but was only met with snarls and swiping claws. Leona was livid at the thought of you. Who the hell did you think you were to play with his feelings like that? You were a good for nothing pompous asshole like the rest of them, preaching about being better and leaving like a selfish jerk. 

…so why did he miss you so much?

He felt like a complete fool, longing for the time you were still around. Wishing you’d somehow find your way back into his arms. But he knew better, he wasn’t that naive. You were gone for good. Decided that he wasn’t as important to you as he thought. Leona had become more irritable than before if possible, sleeping the days away as it had become harder for him to get up. He’ll never admit how much you mean to him, not even when it’s been years since you left.

You Stay

Leona looked at you like you were stupid, ear twitched and tail swaying. He couldn’t deny how giddy he felt seeing you enter his room instead, his tail giving away his true emotions. Leona couldn’t help but smirk smugly, eyes glinting with pride.

“Of course you’d stay,” He gloated. “You’d be stupid to leave.”

As a prince to the royal family of Sunset Savanna, he can wave his hand and you’re a citizen, no need to worry your pretty little head about any of that. You need a job? He’ll hire you…to be his personal pillow. Yeah, his favoritism is showing, he’s just so glad that you stayed. He finds himself folding for you a bit more, wanting to prove that you made the right choice. Leona also becomes more clingy. You had managed to scare him (a feat no one’s done before), and he didn’t like it one bit. So he makes sure it won’t happen again.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Azul Ashengrotto

No. No no no no this can’t be happening. You can’t be leaving him. Was he not good enough? Were you not happy? How could he convince you to stay? Perhaps he could make a contract that would force you to stay…no. He promised you he wouldn’t, but he was actively witnessing his control slipping through his fingers, the person he cared dearly for threatening to leave. Azul loved you so greatly, was it not enough? He was spirling, terribly. He’s selfish, and it shows in the way he tries to convince you to stay, free dinners and exploring only the best parts of Twisted Wonderland. He could only hope that he managed to show you why you should stay.

You Leave

Azul feels his heart beat out of his chest as you smiled sadly at all your friends. Watching in pure terror as you waved goodbye.

“Please don’t go,” He pleaded, falling to his knees and grabbing your hands. He was making it worse. He knew he was. Groveling at your feet like a fool, tears falling down his cheeks. Your apology rings empty as you untangle from his grasp and step through the mirror. Azul will never forget that moment, the moment you tore his heart to shreds. That moment would forever haunt him. Azul finds himself slowly receding back to how he used to be. You had seen a side of him no one else had, which had opened him up to you, but you were gone now.

By the seven, he hated how much he loved you. Are you happy now? Have you found yourself in the arms of someone else? Someone better? Azul was inconsolable, finding comfort in bad habits, swindling people for power once more. He knew it was wrong, knew it wouldn’t end well, but what else did he have? No one else would care for him the way you did.

You Stay

“I-I can’t go back,” You stuttered, pulling away from the mirror. There was a collective sigh of relief from your friends. Azul found himself nearly buckling at the way you turned to look at him. He didn’t even realize he was crying until you wiped his tears away, pulling him into a hug. He couldn’t stop thanking you, holding you tightly like you’d vanish…you nearly had after all. You think his pampering before your decision was bad? Now he’s going all out, treating you like the royalty you were. Jewelry, the finest cooked meals, you ask for it and it’s yours. 

It’s like your choice has strengthened his devotion to you. You had chosen him over your old life, your old world. What more could he want? He’s planning your wedding as we speak. To get married you need to be a citizen? Done. Are you kidding? He’s got the tweels to dig up dirt on many officials, would you expect any less from him? Azul’s love for you feels like a never ending black hole, a chasm that will never run out. He finds himself wondering if you feel the same. You had stayed, after all.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Kalim Al-Asim

Kalim is the ultimate supporter. Cheering on whatever decision you make. Don’t get me wrong, he’s disheartened at the thought of you leaving, but he doesn’t want to influence your decision. You were one of the few people that Kalim could whole-heartedly trust,so he decides to throw party after party. His own way of distracting himself from the terrible feeling in his heart. Perhaps…he allows himself to hope that you’ll change your mind. That you’ll realize how much you’ll miss this world, miss magic, miss him…

You Leave

Kalim can feel his smile try to break, but he refuses to let you go unsure. Kalim isn’t used to things not going his way, not that he doesn’t respect you, it’s just that the whole situation feels…off. Like this is all a bad dream and he’ll wake up and you’re still there. But unfortunately, this is reality, and the last time Kalim sees you is when you turn and enter the mirror. Days pass, and Kalim finds himself thinking about you. You always liked having meals with him and Jamil, you liked going on magic carpet rides. He finds himself buying things he’d think you’d like only to remember you’re not here to receive them anymore, keeping all the items in a storage room, just in case you come back.

Thinking about you is like a warm fuzzy day. Kalim misses you, but he’s content. He hopes you're happy, living your best life. He continues to cherish your memories as he grows older, still thinking of you as a dear friend. There’s still a tiny spark of hope that maybe he’ll see you again, that you both could catch up…but he knows that’s a foolish notion. 

You Stay

Kalim couldn’t help but cheer when you staggered away from the mirror, not hesitating to pull you into a hug. 

“We should celebrate!” Kalim exclaims, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “Jamil will cook your favorite foods! And we can dance and sing until our feet and throats are sore!” 

Like Azul, Kalim finds himself buying you more things and pampering you. Can you blame him? He’s just so happy you stayed! You need citizenship? He doesn’t know much about the process, but he’s got you covered (sorry Jamil). Kalim gets clinger if possible, always wanting to be holding you. He can’t help but wonder what his life would be like without you, and he’s not sure he’d ever want to experience that. You have become a crucial part of his life in a short span of time, and he hopes you continue to choose to stay with him. 

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Vil Schoenheit

There was a mix of emotions when you told him. Most negative. His gaze sharpened, scrutinizing on how you felt about this situation, one feeling seemed the most prominent. You were unsure. Vil had to admit, he grew used to your presence, longing for it, strangely. He cared for you so much that he found himself taking a step back. This was your decision, and he respected that. As much as he wanted you to stay, he wouldn’t deny you your freedom of choice. Though Vil has to admit…he selfishly wanted you to stay because of him.

You Leave

Of course. He should’ve expected nothing less. You had confided in your desires to go home, he wasn’t sure why he deluded himself to believe you wouldn’t go. To think you would choose him as your top priority. Vil watches with a hint of disdain as you vanish so easily from his life. No, that’s not completely true. There are still hints of your presence in the items you left in his room, the items you left in Ramshackle, the memories inked into his mind.

Still, life had to continue. Vil had no time to stew in his hurt feelings as he had a job to do. He couldn’t let your parting smear his image, he had to stay on top of himself. No slacking allowed. In enough time, Vil won’t feel as hurt, instead grateful for the time you spent with him and accept that if this was what made you happier than so be it. The last thing Vil wished was to hold you back from your full potential, and if this is what you wished, who was he to deny you?

You Stay

A flash of smugness overcame him before his fondness took over. Vil doesn’t hesitate to usher you away from the mirror chamber, feeling his heart finally settle its anxious state. He had never been so scared of losing something, not even when he had lost the VDC. Losing that had made him angry beyond belief, losing you? That would’ve hurt him in ways he didn’t want to think about.

Where does he take you the next day? Well the spa of course. You must have been so stressed these past few days, so what better than to help you relax now that the decision is over? Will pamper you like no other for the next few days. Citizenship? Don’t worry, he’s got his lawyers handling it. What did he say about worrying? He doesn’t want you to get any more fatigued than you already are. Don’t worry darling, he’s got everything handled. 

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Idia Shroud

Instant panic. Locks himself in his room for a while, trying to wrap his mind around losing another person he dearly cares about. Doesn’t even let Ortho in, effectively isolating himself. Once he calms down just a bit, he tries desperately to convince you to stay. Why would you want to leave? This world has magic, and you never even talked about your world, so therefore it must suck. Idia grasps for straws, hoping that something will stick and you’ll decide to stay. 

You Leave

Idia, like Leona, locks himself in his room the day you leave. Doesn’t even use his tablet to give you a farewell. No, that’s much too painful for him to even think about. Immediately goes to his first coping mechanism, creating a human-like android. Refuses to leave his room for any reason while he creates a copy of you, but no matter how hard he tries, he seems to fail at replicating your likeness. Why do your eyes look so lifeless when you smile? That’s not right. Similar to Ortho, your android's eyes are covered, Idia not able to come to terms with your absence. 

It’s honestly sad how Idia finds himself constantly tweaking at your cpu. You say you like the wrong thing and he just has to fix it because otherwise this isn’t you and he needs you. He can’t accept the fact that you left him willingly. You loved him, didn’t you? Why did you leave him? Even your android couldn’t fully console him as it ran its mechanical hands through his hair. Squeezing his eyes shut, he tried his best to imagine it was really you who was whispering sweet nothings to him.

You Stay

You don’t even make it to the mirror room, instead knocking on Idia’s door rapidly. Ortho quickly ushers you in, rushing you towards Idia who is laying on his bed with the blankets pulled over his head. 

“Leave me alone,” Idia groans out, pushing further into his blankets. 

“Idia…” You murmured, causing him to nearly cry out. He couldn’t believe you were here instead of going back to your world, and when you say you're going to stay? He’s sobbing into your neck and holding you like you were going to disappear. Now Idia gets anxious about you leaving, finding himself buying you random merch from games and series you like, hoping you never change your mind. He needs a lot of reassurance. When you state your worry about being able to live in Twisted Wonderland since you technically weren’t a citizen. Pshh, that’s what you’re worried about? You do know he works for an ultra security company, right? He can give you clearance to whatever you wish.

Idia’s just so, so, so happy that you choose him, something he still can’t believe is real. That you’re still by his side for the foreseeable future.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Malleus Draconia

Thunder rumbles in the distance as rain starts to pour. Even though the weather gives away his true feelings, Malleus gives you a strained smile. He had come to cherish you with his whole being, and it hurt to know that you were going to leave, but he wouldn’t let his selfishness get the best of him. You deserved to go home, and if that was your old world, then so be it. Just please allow him to spend these last moments by your side. He wishes to make your last moments in Twisted Wonderland truly magical.

You Leave

The wind whips wildly outside, rain hurling towards the ground as you wave goodbye to your friends. The weather reflected the frowns on your friends' faces, not to mention Malleus who approached you, bowing his head and planting a loving kiss to the back of your hand.

“I shall cherish you forever, my dear child of man.” 

You had nearly started crying, but you held strong, entering the mirror and returning to your world. Malleus was unsure of what to do after you left, finding himself lost. He’d appear in front of Ramshackle, wishing that you’d come walking out of the front door and greet him with your lovely smile. Instead, the crickets chirped, the dorm you had claimed as your own oddly silent.

Hints of you still existed. Little trinkets you had forgotten in his room, consuming foods that were your favorite, finding jewelry and clothing he’d think you’d like. You were a bittersweet memory that he wishes he had more time to experience. He wishes you well, wherever you are.

You Stay

The harsh winds and thundering rain slowed before disappearing altogether, leaving the sun to shine brightly on the now wet infrastructure. Malleus watched with wide eyes as you grasped his hand, pulling away from the mirror. 

“I think I’d rather stay.”

That was all you needed to say for Malleus to send you a blinding smile, kissing the back of your hand. He hadn’t felt this exhilarated in a long, long time, wishing to celebrate your stay with a grand feast. Perhaps a ball? Briar Valley hasn’t had one of those in a while. Or perhaps you’d like to celebrate by shopping? Whatever you wish and it’s yours. You’d just like to spend the night? Why of course, child of man, he would be delighted to have you by his side. You don’t even have to question anything about citizenship, you were already seen as a resident of Briar Valley and Malleus was the prince, he could do what he wanted in this regard. 

In fact, Malleus couldn’t seem to stop smiling, feeling rejuvenated every time he saw your figure in the distance. Nothing could beat the joy of seeing you for another day, spending time by your side and listening to your rants. He wouldn’t change it for the world, and he’s glad you wouldn’t either.

[apollos-boyfriend]

Hey I've been observing from afar through your reaction blogging, I haven't been in mcyt as much since the dsmp ended but I still care about a lot of the people in the mcyt circle and I'm interested in what goes on - care to give a rundown of what happened at this twitch rivals thing everyone keeps talking about? (no pressure only if you want to) Aside from the fact I'm sure it was terribly run like most twitch rival events are, but it sounds like there was more to it than that

okay so. i am going to be missing quite a few details because i missed a day myself + my streamer could not care less, so i heavily encourage others to add on stuff i missed

this was a multi-day competition, running for 5 days with prize rewards from 1k to 100k. it started with i think 150 players, with select numbers of people getting eliminated each round. day 1-2 are fairly normal, at least for twitch rivals. of all the games that got played through the whole event, i'd say like 1 was actually good, and maybe 2 were decent, at best. most are bad, poorly-executed, poorly thought out, or just boring in terms of both player enjoy-ability and content creation.

DAY 3 EDIT:

now, sapnap's been sapnap for this entire event already. obnoxious, a bad sport, but most notably, playing DMCA'd songs. the event ran on proximity chat, so while he was unmuted, everyone around him would also be subject to said songs, which could mute vods at worst and terminate accounts at best. most people are fed up with him at this point. while everyone's trying to come up with solutions for the glitch, sapnap spams the discord with useless shit. couriway calls him out in the discord, calling him annoying and obnoxious, then later calling him a cunt in twitch chat. sapnap uses couriway and feinberg's name in his stream title for clickbait and talks shit about them + their friends (hbg/house builder gang). he also makes some weird comment asking if couri is homophobic because sap was talking about having skeppy's dick in his mouth?? or something?? i'm unsure exactly how day 3's issue of the glitch resolved.

day 4 is also your average experience with your usual range of average to horribly painful games. sapnap continues to be a bitch and not take responsibility for his stans attacking anyone in sight, but what else is new

day 5 is. bad. the game set for deciding the final competitors can be cheesed (if you let someone else do all the work, you can punch them in the last second and steal their win) and eliminates like 20 people at once. on top of that, a glitch happens that leaves the server on standby for at least 30 minutes while admins decide what to do. firebreathman sends a picture of a bare naked ass in the discord. someone else sends a photo of their debit card. streamers entertain themselves in various ways, including growing a cactus (fulham), playing osu (purpled), collecting other people's streams for their overlay (fruitberries), playing slime rancher (badboyhalo), and building real-life furniture (couriway). tubbo (who was already eliminated at this point) starts jumping between streams and asking in chat for the tea. the game is eventually replayed, deciding the final 4 players, but it's just as broken and at that point, no one wants to be there anymore. it's revealed through multiple streamers (purpled, i believe also feinberg) that twitch rivals games are not tested before being ran. the only testing done was a stress test to see if the server could handle all original 150-some players. this explains why the games are so bad and poorly organized (some games take over an hour, others barely 30 minutes).

the final four are sapnap, shadoune, sneegsnag, and i think feinberg. it's the most anticlimatic game of connect 4 you can imagine. sneeg eliminates sapnap, and shadoune eliminates fein. notably, fein's game glitches during a throw, which despite being obviously a glitch, the coordinators brush off as being "part of the game". fein and multiple other streamers spend time analyzing every pov frame by frame and all agree that yeah, that was a glitch. shadoune and sneeg are left for the finals. they come to an agreement that this is stupid and a horrible event. tired of this bullshit, they purposefully stall the games and run a podcast for approximately 2 hours, forcing the coordinators to bend to their commands hunger games-style. essentially since the first glitch of the day people were begging twitch to just split the money, something that wouldn't be easy according to tubbo, because everything is pre-signed and delegated before the event. sneeg and shadoune give no fucks, and force the coordinators to split the money anyway, winning the day through the power of friendship. i cannot stress enough how no one wanted to fucking be there by the end of all this.

[dixons-sunshine]

Private Space | Daryl Dixon x Fem!Reader

*GIF isn't mine.*

Summary: Moving into your first apartment with your long-term boyfriend seemed like a dream come true. It wasn’t the most fancy apartment, but it was the first space that was truly only yours and Daryl’s. And Daryl was excited to finally be able to have some much deserved privacy with you—without the risk of others walking in.

Genre: Smut.

Era: Pre apocalypse.

Part of the Shopping Spree, Hangout Dreams AU.

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of Daryl's scars, oral (f receiving), allusions to piv.

Word count: 1.3k.

A/n: I genuinely suck at writing smut, but this request won the poll, so I toughed it out lol. I hope this is somewhat enjoyable!

“Alright,” Daryl began whilst putting the box down on the ground in the small living room of your new apartment. He dusted off his hands before turning to look at you. “That’s the last of it.

You smiled at him and looked around the apartment—your apartment—with a look of awe. The small space certainly wasn’t what most people would fancy as a living space, but that didn’t matter to you. It was the first place that was truly only yours and Daryl’s, and you cherished it with your whole being. The two of you would figure out how to make it look prettier on another today. At that moment, however, you’d just bask in the fact that the two of you were finally able to be independent.

“This is great,” you told him, a contented smile on your face.

Daryl hummed and sent you a small smile of his own. “Yeah, s’good.” He looked around the small space as well, trying to envision what you saw when you looked at it, but failing to do so. “I mean, it ain’t much. Ain’t exactly pretty, but s’somethin’, right?”

You took a step towards him and looped your arms around his neck, Daryl’s hands going to rest on your hips. “It’s perfect, Dar. It’s ours. I can’t ask for more than that.” You rested your forehead against his, letting out a small sigh. “I love my mom, but I’m happy I finally moved out. And I moved in with you, into our own apartment. I don’t need more than that.”

Daryl smiled softly. “Yer amazin’, ya know that?”

“I know,” you joked, before leaning up to close the gap between your lips, softly kissing him.

Daryl hummed into the tender kiss. However, it soon escalated. His tongue lightly swept over your bottom lip, silently asking for entrance. You allowed him to do so, and his tongue slipped into your mouth, exploring the warmth of your mouth with his vocal muscle. In an unexpected move for you, Daryl picked you up, eliciting a small squeal of surprise from you. Daryl chuckled as he walked forward towards the couch, carefully laying you down on the plush surface.

“More than okay.” For added emphasis, you pulled him down for a deep kiss. Daryl’s hesitation evaporated into thin air, and he quickly moved to hover over you.

“This okay?” Daryl asked you, giving you an out if you didn’t want to do what he was initiating. Daryl was amazing like that, always making sure you were comfortable before doing anything. You loved him for that.

That is what Daryl wanted. To be able to do that with you without anyone walking in. It took a couple of years, but the two of you could finally do that without the risk of your mom making herself known. That made Daryl extremely excited. Somewhere along the lines of the two of you heavily making out, Daryl’s shirt got removed. He was vaguely aware of his scars that were on full display, but he quickly forced that from his mind. He wouldn’t ruin this moment for you because of his insecurities. He did that once, but never again.

You eagerly reached down to start unbuckling his pants, but Daryl caught your hands before you could. You let out a small whine in protest, but Daryl only chuckled. “We can get to that later, Princess. Lemme take care’a ya first, yeah?” To further prove his point, he slowly and carefully started inching your shirt up, slowly revealing your skin to his gaze. However, your patience was wearing thin, so you grabbed the hem of your shirt and quickly helped tug it over your head. “Someone’s eager, huh?”

“Less talking, please,” you practically begged him, your eyes looking at him in a silent plea for more.

Daryl smirked. “As ya wish, Sunshine.” Daryl pressed another kiss to your lips, before trailing down jaw, your collarbone, your chest, down your stomach and stopped just above your pants. He looked up at you once more, silently asking for permission. When you nodded, he resumed with his task. He placed a few more open-mouthed kisses to your stomach before eagerly tugging your pants down, successfully taking your panties with it. You helped him get rid of your clothes, carelessly discarding it somewhere on the floor.

Daryl quickly got to work. He placed a few kisses around where you needed him most, wanting to draw out the inevitable. However, when you bucked your hips up against his face and whined your plea for him to stop teasing, he couldn’t resist any longer. He delved face first into it, licking a long stripe up from your core all the way to your clit.

Your body jolted in pleasure. You threw your head back and tightly gripped at the couch, hoping to ground yourself back to reality. However, when Daryl repeated the action and let his tongue slip into your aching core, that attempt proved to be futile.

“Daryl! Oh, fuck!” you moaned out, your hips unconsciously bucking up against his face. Daryl groaned and pinned your hips down to the couch. He could feel himself getting painfully hard in his jeans, but he tried to ignore it. His attention was solely on you. He could take care of his own needs later.

He switched his tongue out for two of his fingers. His fingers started pumping in and out of you at a steady rhythm, his tongue instead moving to lap and suck on your clit. The moans you were letting out were downright sinful, and the sweet sounds you were emitting worked straight into his arousal. His dick was painfully straining against his jeans, just begging to be released.

“Daryl, f-fuck!” you cried out. You were seeing stars, Daryl’s fingers hitting that one spot inside you each time. The feeling was overwhelming, but so good at the same time. You could feel the coil in your stomach start to tighten, and it was clear that you were about to go over the edge. “I’m so—I’m clo—” You could barely get the words out before you came undone.

Daryl groaned again and pulled his fingers out of you, instead opting to lick up all of the juices your body spilled out. He licked and sucked until you twisted your body to the side as a way to tell him you were oversensitive. Daryl slowly moved to hover over you again, leaning down to kiss you. You moaned at the taste of your arousal in his mouth, your hands moving up to his hair and lightly tugging, eliciting a small whine from him. You smirked against his lips before gently pushing him off, guiding him to lay back on the other end of the couch while you climbed on top of him.

Your hands moved to start unbuckling his jeans. “Your turn now.”

Daryl definitely liked the sound of that. And as you pulled his jeans and then his boxers from his body, gently taking his cock into your hand and lowering yourself onto it, he couldn’t help but let out a small whine. He was immensely grateful for the fact that the two of you moved into your own place, because he was sure that neither of you would be able to keep quiet for long.

And as you fully sunk down onto him and the both of you let out a moan, his theory was proven to be correct.

©dixons-sunshine 2024. I do not give permission for my works to be copied, modified, adapted or translated to any other site or platform without evidence of my given consent.

[juniperskye]

I Can’t Do This.

Sneak peek: Reader is recently off of a long-term undercover operation (similar to Emily’s) that left her in a bad way. Director Cruz reaches out, assigning her to the BAU. After speaking to her therapist and expressing her concerns, they come up with a solution of how to inform her new boss of some of the horrors she endured on her mission. Hotch keeps a close eye on her, being careful not to trigger her…until one day, he accidentally does in the worst way. ITALLICS ARE FLASHBACKS! BOLD ARE THERAPY SESSIONS.

Aaron Hotchner x (Fem) BAU! Reader

Angst/Fluff

Word count: 5605

REQUESTS ARE OPEN - not edited - please be kind. Requests are open and feedback is welcome if it's constructive!

Warnings: My blog is 18+, minors DNI,YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN MEDIA CONSUMPTION. age gap (reader is in their 20’s and Hotch is in his 40’s), explicit language, mention of canon typical violence, mention of therapy, reader attends regular therapy sessions, mention of a toxic previous “relationship”, mention of a previous dom/sub dynamic, murder, talk of trafficking, forced consent (reader is working the undercover op) mention of previous abuse and manipulation, some use of y/n, Hotch accidentally triggering the reader, let me know if I missed anything!

I do not consent to having my work translated or reposted to any other site. That being said I do not own the characters portrayed in this story.

“Y/n it has been three months since you returned from your undercover op, it’s time. The BAU needs an additional agent, and you’d make a great addition. It’s really not up for discussion.” Director Cruz ended with finality.

“I really don’t think I am ready. Director Cruz, I know it has been three months, and you guys have been so gracious with the paid leave, but I’m still working through everything I went through when I was under.” You explained.

“Your therapist and the FBI issued psych eval have both cleared you to return y/n. You’re joining the BAU. You’ll begin next Monday.” Cruz decided.

“Okay.”

With that you stood and exited his office. It’s not that you didn’t want to work for the BAU, in fact, under normal circumstances you’d have been begging for this placement. But after everything you endured while undercover, you weren’t sure you could handle being on a team, especially not one run by Aaron Hotchner.

--

“You were recommended to me by Sheri, did she tell you anything about me?” He questioned.

“She mentioned you were looking for someone who knew how to follow rules.” You answered.

You had been assigned to an undercover operation in which a very powerful man would finally be brought to justice. Emilio Alvatorre, one of FBI’s most wanted. This man did unspeakable things and lucky for you, he was in the market for a new submissive. Normally the FBI wouldn’t jump at putting an agent in this kind of situation, however, in this case Emilio was known to keep his subs knelt at his side in his office. That would mean that you would be privilege to information that could take him down.

“So, are you good at following rules?” Emilio said in a voice meant to be sexy, but it was truly repulsive.

Leaning in to whisper in his ear, “The best.”

--

“I’m worried that Agent Hotchner is going to give me a directive and that I will follow it whether I agree with it or not. I am terrified that I have completely lost myself, and that I will just blindly follow.” You explained.

“Y/n we’ve talked about this, you are strong, you are capable of making decisions and speaking up for yourself.”

“Yeah but being at the BAU with Agent Hotchner, he’s a very commanding and dominant man, what if I fall right back into…” You trailed off.

“He is commanding and dominant, but he isn’t Emilio. I am going to give you some homework, and then I’d like to see you again on Thursday so we can go over it before you join the BAU Monday.”

“You’re right. What’s the homework?” You asked.

“I want you to first come up with a list of coping strategies for when you begin to feel anxious or overwhelmed on the job. Then I want you to write a letter to read to Agent Hotchner giving him some insight as to what you have been through.”

“Absolutely not! Sylvia I can’t do that!”

“Y/n I am not asking you to give him all the details, just a little bit that might help him to know you.”

“Fine.”

--

You had a hard time figuring out what to put in the letter to Agent Hotchner, debating what was too much versus what was too little to say. How much did he need to know, how much were you comfortable sharing…it was all becoming a bit much.

Ultimately, you’d written something up along with a perfect list of coping strategies that you knew would satisfy your therapist.

After meeting with her on Thursday and going over what you came up with, and allowing her to help you tweak a few things, your body filled with dread, anxiously awaiting Monday morning when you’d have to go into the BAU.

--

Director Cruz escorted you to the floor that houses the BAU, bringing you into Agent Hotchner’s office for introductions. You felt like you had just walked out on a stage completely naked with the way all the other agents were looking at you.

“Hotchner, this is Agent y/n. I sent over her file last week. She is going to start with the BAU today.” Director Cruz announced.

“Yes, I saw your email. It is nice to finally meet you.” Agent Hotchner greeted.

“Y/n would you excuse us for just a moment, I’d like to speak to Hotch here.”

Without another word you followed the director’s order. You stepped out of the office and stood patiently waiting for their conversation to end.

--

“She’s anxious.” Spencer mumbled.

“Wouldn’t you be?” Emily replied.

“No, look at her, she’s digging her nails into her palms, a light sweat has broken out on her neck, her heartrate has increased slightly, and she hasn’t looked up at us once. She’s probably suffering from severe anxiety.” Spencer rambled.

“Don’t profile the newbie Spence.” Emily scolded, patting his shoulder.

--

“Alright, y/n go on in and Hotch will fill you in on what his expectations for you are.” Director Cruz headed off.

With a light knock, you awaited Agent Hotchner’s approval before entering his office once again. Mentally chastising yourself for your submissive actions.

“Agent y/n, please, have a seat.” Hotch gestured.

You sat in one of the chairs across from him.

“It says here in your file that you’re recently returning from a twelve-month assignment. I noticed the assignment isn’t labeled as classified, but quite a bit of it was redacted. Can you speak on that at all?” Hotch inquired.

“Agent Hotchner, if it is okay with you, I have somethings I’d like to discuss. Some of which is relevant of that case, but it is primarily regarding the effects that case had on me.”

“Go ahead.” Hotch nodded.

“The undercover op I was working put me in a position in which I was forced and manipulated to blindly following directions from someone. I had to do this for twelve months, and since then, I have had a pretty hard time finding my voice again. Certain things can be triggering for me, so I wrote up some things for you, with the help of my therapist. There are coping strategies that I may need to utilize and there are somethings there for you, to navigate situations that may come up.” You were worried that this was all going to lead to Hotch doubting your ability to do this job. “I also want to make it known that I told the Director that I wasn’t ready to return to work.”

“Thank you for sharing this, I think it’ll help me to make your transition back to work smooth. As for you being ready, I think you sharing that information shows a lot about your strength and I think you are more than ready to be here.”

--

“Kneel.” Emilio ordered with a snap of his fingers.

You slowly dropped to your knees, sitting back on your heels and resting your palms on the tops of your thighs, your gaze focused on the frayed rug that covered the hardwood floor in front of you.

“Bring him in.” Emilio spoke into the intercom that connects him to his security.

The guards drag in a man who appears to be near death, clearly beaten. Emilio rests a hand on your head, gently petting your hair before speaking in a tone you don’t recognize.

“I heard you’ve been snooping around. Talking to Jeremy and his guys.” Emilio spat.

“I haven’t sir I swear!” The man was begging for his life.

“I don’t like snakes.” Emilio raised his gun and shot the man point blank.

You couldn’t help but flinch at the sound. A strong hand was quick to grip your chin.

“Flinching is a sign of weakness. I can’t have a pet that is weak.” His grip tightened “Are you weak?”

“No sir.” You reassured.

“Good.”

--

Working with the BAU had been going well, Hotch had truly been incredible. He’d encouraged you to share your thoughts and theories while on cases. He also reminded you to use your coping strategies when the cases became particularly overwhelming.

Like today for example. The team was working on a case that was taking a toll on you, mentally and emotionally. Women were being kidnapped then brutally tortured and left for dead in the street. It was becoming increasingly difficult to detach yourself from what these women must’ve been feeling.

Hotch was quick to notice the change in your demeanor and he made it a point to assign you with Spencer at the precinct. You were tightening up the victimology while Spencer worked on the geographical profile. You had come to the conclusion that the unsub was targeting victims primarily on their looks, they had all been of similar height, had same color hair and eyes. Worse than that…they all kind of looked like you. The sound of Derek and Emily approaching made your stomach sink. Spencer had clearly picked up on your anxiety since you’d been with the BAU, but the others, not so much.

“Hey guys, what did you find out?” Emily inquired.

“Well, I’ve narrowed down the geographical profile. This area right here…” Spencer gesture to the map covering the screen “this is his comfort zone, all the abductions and dumpsites fall within this five-block radius.”

“What about you new girl?” Derek nudged you gently.

“I looked into all the victims, and they all were approximately the same height and build, same color hair and eyes. I spoke to Penelope; she confirmed that all of the women frequented the same coffee shop.” You explained.

Hotch, Rossi, and JJ all entered just in time to hear Derek confirm your thoughts…which led to a suggestion that made your heart sink.

“Y/n these girls all kind of look like you...” Derek walks over to where their pictures are pinned up to the board. “Maybe we should send you to the coffee shop undercover. It could help us find this guy.”

You heart was pounding, causing a loud whooshing sound to drown out your hearing. You closed your fists and dug your nails into your palms. You could feel the sweat breaking out along your forehead.

In and out…deep breaths. You reminded yourself of the coping strategies you’d come up with for instances like this. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven…

“Absolutely not!” Hotch commanded, shaking you from your thoughts while simultaneously distracting the others from your very obvious panic attack.

“Hotch man come on! She fits the victimology perfectly; it could end this case if she could catch his attention.” Derek argued.

“It’s not up for discussion. I will not send a new agent undercover, not until she is more comfortable on this team. Undercover ops like that require a significant level of trust, one that she may not have yet.” Hotch shut Derek down.

“We know he must go to this coffee shop; JJ and I could go in and watch. Keep an eye out for a man acting suspicious.” Emily suggested.

“Good, first thing tomorrow.” Hotch said before dismissing the team for the evening.

--

“Sir, is it safe to be talking about this…with her here?”

“Are you questioning me?” Emilio sneered. “My pet is well behaved. I wouldn’t have her here if I thought otherwise. Who are you to question my decisions?” His voice raised.

“I’m sorry sir! I didn’t mean to insinuate anything. I just wasn’t sure.”

“Don’t let it happen again. Now I’ll ask again. What is the update on the shipment?” Emilio demanded.

“There are going to be three crates in the shipping container. The boat is set to anchor Friday at midnight.”

“And everything we were promised will be there?” Emilio asked.

“Well, not the girls. This shipment is just the weapons.”

“Excuse me?” Emilio’s expression turned sinister.

You were knelt by his desk like always. This conversation had been one you were banking on; it was hopefully going to allow your team to pick him and his associates up. Only, this conversation had taken a turn that you weren’t expecting. His shipments thus far had only contained drugs and weapons, so why was he asking about girls?

“I was assured that everything would be included. How fucking hard is it to follow orders?” Emilio shouted, his fist slamming onto his desk.

You sat still, silently taking in the situation. That night you’d check in with your team and fill them in on the new information. You just needed to get the logistics of when the second shipment would arrive, and honestly, you were scared Emilio would kill this guy before you got that information.

“I know boss. They told me that the girls would be here soon. There was an issue getting paperwork for some of them. But it should all be worked out now.”

“I need a date and time. By the end of the day. Otherwise, you’re done.” Emilio hissed. He then brushed his hand over your head. “C’mon pet, let’s go to bed. And you, I’ll be expecting your call.”

Going to bed with Emilio had initially been the worst part of this assignment. Thankfully he’d had you STD tested which meant you were both clean, and he’d ensured you received birth control shots. The sex had surprised you; you had expected it to be rough and painful but, it had been soft and gentle. Emilio whispered sweet nothings to you, and he held you close, and he’d carefully bathe you afterwards.

It may be sick and twisted…but it didn’t bother you, having sex with him.

--

A light knock at your door had startled you. You made your way over to check the peephole, and there he was waiting patiently.

“Hotch, is everything okay?”

“I should be asking you that. Morgan was out of line suggesting we send you in.”

“It’s okay, really. He doesn’t know any better.”

Hotch gave you a sympathetic look. You could tell he was doing everything in his power not to profile you. You appreciated his effort, and it truly was endearing. Around Hotch, you’d started to feel more comfortable, and his consistent care of you and your mental health had been the thing that drew you in. He cared so much, and it meant the world to you.

“You seemed nervous earlier, does that have to do with the undercover assignment you worked?”

“Yes.”  You sighed.

In the last two months of being with the BAU, you and Hotch had been teetering this fine line of coworkers and more. It wasn’t necessarily leaning toward something romantic, at least that’s what you were both trying to convince yourselves of but, it had definitely become a friendship. Hotch had allowed you a safe space in which you were starting to feel like yourself again. He had never pushed you for information about your past and he continuously checked in with you to make sure you were comfortable and okay. More recently though, as things like what happened today occurred, you have felt like maybe you should tell Hotch a little more about what you endured.

“You know, if you ever want to talk about it, I am here for you. I don’t want you to feel pressured or like you have to tell me anything! But if you should choose, I’d listen.” Hotch admitted.

“I was sent in undercover to investigate Emilio Alvatorre…” You began.

“Emilio Alvatorre? He was one of FBI’s most wanted! Lucrative arms dealer, importing drugs…I heard he was ultimately brought down for sex trafficking.” Hotch was stunned.

“Yeah, that was me. Emilio took part in a certain lifestyle; he is a dominant and he was seeking a new submissive…and I guess I fit the bill. He essentially owned me, and he referred to me as his pet. It was my job to follow his orders blindly, and I did.”

“What was it like?” Hotch questioned.

“Well…

--

“Good morning pet.” Emilio purred pressing a kiss right below your ear.

“Mmm, good morning sir. Can I make you breakfast?” You offered.

“No darling, the cook will prepare our meal. I think it is sweet you still ask.” His kisses travelled down your neck.

“Do you have meetings today?” You inquired.

“Today is all about you pet. We are going to get you some new clothes, shoes, and maybe a new necklace. I want to spoil you today! We are celebrating!” Emilio gushed.

It was the moments like this that fucked with your mind the most. Emilio could be so kind and gentle, he wanted to take care of you and in the time you’d been with him, it had been increasingly easier to let him. But then there were moments when he turned dark…the other side of him came to light and you couldn’t help but question your mind.

“Boss…” Emilio’s associate barged into the office, only to find you bent over his desk while he pounded into you from behind.

“Not now!” Emilio growled.

“But boss!” This guy really couldn’t take the hint.

Emilio wasn’t one who took well to being interrupted, in any aspect of his life. So, when this associate decided what he had to say was more important than Emilio’s time…you knew it would be bad.

Emilio’s hips never faltered, not upon the initial interruption and certainly not when he leaned to the side, grabbed his gun, and shot the man standing in the doorway. You pinched your eyes shut, knowing better than to react to the horrific sight before you. Emilio continued thrusting, his grunts becoming more erratic, and when he finally finished, he leaned down and pressed a kiss to the back of your neck.

“Go run a hot bath. Get in and wait for me. I need to go see about this issue and get this cleaned up.” Emilio stated as he assisted you in standing upright.

“Yes sir.”

--

“It was really hard for me to deal with the two sides of him. I became confused and my mind was so foggy as to whether or not he was truly awful. And I know that so much of that is the manipulation of being his submissive, but I was with him for a year, it was easy to forget what things had been like before Emilio.” You trailed off.

“I can’t even imagine all the things you must’ve seen and gone through in that time. I can understand why you weren’t sure about joining the BAU initially…but I am really glad you did.” Hotch expressed, placing his hand atop your own.

“I’m glad I did too.”

--

The next morning Emily and JJ were sent into the coffee shop that all the victims frequented, and they couldn’t track the unsub. Either he was far too subtle, or he hadn’t shown up. The team was currently in the precinct trying to figure out the next steps, when Derek suggested it again.

“I still think y/n should go undercover, it’s our best bet in finding this guy. What do you say new girl?”

You were taken aback; your mind was screaming at you to decline. You weren’t ready for this, going undercover, blindly following team orders. It’s for the greater good though, isn’t it?

“I could do that.”

“Morgan, I already said it’s not happening. She isn’t ready.” Hotch commanded.

“Hotch, we have all had to go undercover. There is no reason that she can’t go into the coffee shop and order a freaking latte. We will all be there to keep her safe, just like any other case!” Morgan was practically shouting.

“It’s okay. I can do it.”

“Y/n you don’t have to do this. Not if you aren’t comfortable.” Hotch was obviously trying to profile you based on his expression.

“I’m okay. I’ll do it.”

--

You were ordering a coffee, meanwhile Spencer was sitting in the back of the café reading a book and Rossi was in line, about three patrons behind you. Hotch insisted on sitting at a table just outside the entrance to keep a close eye on everyone coming and going. JJ, Derek, and Emily were all in the surveillance van parked across the street, waiting for the signal.

After you received your coffee, you found a seat at an empty table. It wasn’t long before a man approached you. He was tall and clearly strong; he had a very sinister aura that gave you the chills.

“Mind if I sit here?” He asked.

“Oh, sure.” You agreed.

The man sat, but only after he moved the chair closer to you. He was talking to you, but you were having a hard time listening. You were silently begging the guys to come to help and get him away from you.

“You know, you’re really pretty. Why don’t we get out of here? We could go get lunch.” The man suggested.

“Oh, I’m not sure I should.”

“C’mon, be a good girl and get up.” His tone became more aggressive.

You stood up without a second thought, much to the unsub’s delight. He grabbed your arm in a bruising grip and began leading you out of the café.

“They’re on the move. Why is she going with him? This wasn’t the plan.” Derek exclaimed.

Hotch’s demeanor instantly changed. After you opened up to him about your previous assignment, he understood now why you had seemingly always followed orders willingly, only your willingness had been conditioned. Instilled in you through the manipulation of a very dangerous man.

“I got it.” Hotch

Hotch stood up and turned abruptly, purposefully plowing into you and the unsub. He made a move that shifted you away from the unsub and placed himself between you.

“Oh, I am so sorry!” Hotch feigned innocence.

“Are you fucking kidding me? Watch where you’re going asshole. Let’s get out of here.” The unsub reached for your arm once more.

“She’s not going anywhere with you.”

“You want to bet?”  he said, pulling a gun from his waistband and pointing it directly at your head.

You didn’t flinch, in fact you didn’t move a muscle. All the while everyone else sprung into action. Hotch tried to talk him down while the rest of the team surrounded him on all sides. You had stood there completely disassociated while this man threatened your life and ultimately met his untimely end via Emily’s weapon.

--

“Y/n would you please come to my office?” Hotch requested.

You silently followed Hotch to his office. You were wringing your hands, hoping that he wouldn’t reprimand you for your behavior today. You couldn’t handle disappointing people.

“You didn’t even flinch. You had a gun pointed at you and you didn’t even blink. You also willingly left the café with him, which was not a part of the plan we had discussed.” Hotch stated, his tone calm.

“I’m sorry Hotch. He told me to get up and I just…I wasn’t sure what to do. I know we needed to catch the guy.”

“I don’t want you getting hurt.” Hotch admitted. “I don’t know what I would do if you got hurt. I also don’t want you to agree to do things simply because someone tells you to. Like agreeing to go undercover.”

“I don’t know how to do that. Disagree I mean. I’m not sure I have that in me anymore.” You did everything in your power to keep the tears at bay. “I don’t want to disappoint you.”

“Y/n I’m not disappointed. I do think that it is very important you continue to work with your therapist.”

“I will.”

--

“…and I just stood there.”

“Y/n you we conditioned for over a year to sit still when any sort of firearm was shot, you watched people die right in front of you. You were covered in their blood and forced to remain kneeling until instructed otherwise. I can’t say I am entirely surprised that you didn’t react to having a weapon pointed at you. What does surprise me though was that you agreed to going undercover.” Sylvia finished.

“I knew it was our best option to finding this unsub. I fit the victimology, and I was able to fish him out. It was a no-brainer.” You shrugged.

“Now that sound like someone making a rational decision.” Sylvia smirked.

“Yeah well, after the case Hotch called me out and I felt like a child being scolded. I could barely hold back tears.”

“Why do you think that is?” She pressed.

“I don’t know. I guess, I’m afraid of not being good enough and worse, disappointing him.”

“The only person you should be worried about disappointing is yourself. Y/n you have made huge strides in the last five months and as long as you stay true to yourself, you will continue to do so.”

--

The months went on, as did the cases and your therapy sessions. Oddly enough, you had started to feel more like yourself. Things with the BAU have started to become easy, you were opening up little by little to the others and you were getting better at making your own decisions.

Hotch had also noticed the change. It had warmed his heart to see you really coming into your own, to really get to know the real you. Which had only strengthened his feelings toward you, causing him to work extra hard to shove them down. Rossi knew simply from the look Hotch gave you, but that’s a story for another time.

The team had been working back-to-back cases all over the country for the last few weeks. It had been exhausting and the team were getting to a point where everyone was snippy. Lack of sleep had led to a horrible lack of patience, and the local officers weren’t making matters any better.

“What if we were wrong, I think the unsub is a woman. I mean look at the attention to detail in the clean up and at how the bodies were presented.” You offered.

“Y/n could be right; a woman would take the time to be precise and it would explain the…”

Before Spencer could finish his thought, Officer Riley decided to provide his own theories.

“There is no way it is a woman. They don’t have the courage to take care of people like this. That’s why the statistic proves that the unsub is a man.”

“With all due respect, women are just as capable of murder as men, and when they do it they are often far more meticulous which is why that fits better here.” You explained.

“Well, with all due respect ma’am, I’ve been doing this job longer than you could walk.”

“Excuse me?” You couldn’t bother hiding your surprise.

“All I’m saying sweetheart, is that perhaps you’d be better off getting us some coffee.” Officer Riley sneered.

“Last time I checked, I’m the one working for the FBI and not some Podunk little police station in the middle of nowhere, Idaho. So how about you back off and let us finish our…”

“Y/N TAKE A SEAT.” Hotch demanded.

Despite your shock at Hotch’s tone toward you, you took a seat without hesitation.

“Officer Riley, please let my agents do their work. We have much more important things to be doing than arguing about the duties of a woman.” Hotch chided.

“Well, you clearly agree with me given the fact that you gave her an order. If you’d been on her side you’d have probably told me off.” Riley turned to you, “and you clearly do know how to listen to a man in charge. Perhaps I misjudged you.”

With that, Riley made his leave with a low chuckle, and you sat there considering what had just happened. Hotch had commanded you to sit down knowing full well you’d comply, that way he could deal with Riley without you continuing to tell him off. He used what he knew about you against you, despite all the conversations you’ve had with him. Despite him knowing full well your fear of blindly following orders.

“I can’t believe you.” You stood up and walked out, heading straight for the precinct exit.

“Y/n wait!” Hotch followed you.

As you landed on the sidewalk just upon the exit, Hotch’s had made its way around your upper left arm in a desperate attempt to slow you down and hear him out. Only you were in no mood to listen to him or anyone else right now. All you felt was the sense of betrayal blooming in your chest.

As he swung you back around to face him, you did something that shocked even you. You right arm followed around, landing a harsh slap to Hotch’s cheek. Your breathing was ragged, a look of surprise painting your features…a look of guilt flooding Hotch’s.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t…” You paused.

“No, Y/n I am so sorry I shouldn’t have-” Hotch pleaded.

“I need to go. I can’t do this. I’m sorry.” With that you left, calling a taxi, and heading back to the hotel.

--

“YOU STUPID BITCH! HOW COULD YOU?” Emilio Screamed, lunging toward you.

“Emilio I didn’t, I just…I”

Emilio wrapped his hand around your throat, harshly choking you as SWAT swarmed the shipyard. They quickly made their way to you, removing Emilio from his position over you. As they pulled him away you couldn’t help but watch him.

“Kneel Pet!” Emilio commanded.

You couldn't help but follow his order. Immediately dropping to your knees, resting your hands atop your thighs and letting your gaze fall to the ground.

“I will always own you! You will always be my pet, perfectly broken in!” Emilio hollered as they put him in the back of a vehicle.

“Y/n you’re okay, lets get you up and checked out.” Your unit commander suggested.

Only you didn’t move. You couldn’t get up, not without his permission.

That night, the paramedics had to sedate you to get you into an ambulance. And after that you were placed in a psychiatric facility for 30 days to help undo the brainwashing you’d endured.

--

“Sylvia, I slapped him. My boss, I slapped him right in the face!”

“Y/n you reacted to a situation and based on what you just explained to me, it seems like he knew he was in the wrong. You shouldn’t be blaming yourself and honestly, you should talk to him.”

“I wouldn’t even know where to begin.”

“Maybe tell him how you feel.” Sylvia suggested.

--

You spent the afternoon practicing what to say to Hotch, Spencer had been texting you updates of that case as it progressed. He’d let you know that they caught the unsub and were headed back to the hotel. So, as you opened your door to make your way to his room, you came face-to-face with the man himself.

“Hotch.”  You gasped.

“Y/n can we talk?”

You moved aside to allow him access to your room. You couldn’t help but feel nervous about the conversation that was to come.

“Hotch, I am so sorry for slapping you! I was just-”

“You shouldn’t be the one apologizing. Y/n I am so sorry, I heard you going off on Riley and I knew that if you kept talking he’d report you and I’d be forced to suspend you, only I hadn’t considered the effect that me demanding you take a seat would have on you. I need you to know it was not my intention to take advantage of you like that and even worse, I shouldn’t have put my hand on you the way I did. You had every right to slap me.” Hotch explained.

“You were trying to protect me?”

“Riley had made threats of reporting our staff for going against orders of the precinct. I knew that he’d report you for your behavior, despite him clearly being in the wrong. I didn’t want to suspend you.”

“I didn’t realize. But Hotch telling me to take a seat, in the tone you did, it felt like I was right back there. Following orders without thinking. With you, I can’t explain it, I would do anything you asked me to and that terrifies me. My feelings for you only add to that need to do anything you say, to do anything to please you. I can’t help it.”

“You have feelings for me?”

“Aaron! Is that all you took from what I just said?”

“Please say that again.” He whispered.

“Aaron.”

He let his eyes close and took a deep breath. You could tell he was holding back and though part of you was begging you to walk away, the other was telling you to jump in. You thought about what Sylvia would say, and you couldn’t help but release a breathy laugh, knowing full well that she would tell you that only you can make the right decision, and it is okay to trust yourself.

“Aaron, I am terrified…and it is going to take me some time to fully trust myself again, but I really like you and if you’re up for it, I’d like to give this a shot. Unless you don’t feel the same way, then please ignore what I just said an-”

Aaron pulled you in and pressed his lips to yours in a searing kiss. One that told you everything you needed to know.

“I’m scared too, but I want to try this Y/n. I know that you’re still working to find yourself, I am willing to wait if that is what you need, but I am also willing to be by your side every step of the way.”

“I don’t want to wait.”

[heesdreamer]

LIKE FATHER

PAIRING ➩ jay x reader

SUMMARY ➩ moving in with your short term boyfriend turns out to have its own set of challenges, including how attractive his father is

WARNINGS ➩ there is obviously an age gap although reader is in her early 20s, cheating on both ends, …. reader and jay are both pretty terrible people sorry jungwon

WC ➩ 10.6k

AUTHORS NOTE ➩ For some reason this was not fun to write lol but hope that doesn’t come across in it and you can enjoy! NOT PROOFREAD

“You’re sure your dad won’t mind me coming to stay with you guys?” You took a step too far away from where the phone was attached to the wall and you cringed at the sharp tug on the chord.

Your room fell silent for a few seconds and you waited to see if it caused any damage to the connection or alerted anybody downstairs to the fact you’d been sitting on the same call for almost two hours while you packed up your most important belongings.

“The offer has been on the table for months Y/N, you know that.” Jungwon’s voice was as sweet as ever crackling through the static of your old phone but you still sighed despite his reassurance.

He wasn’t lying, him and (according to what he’d been saying) his father had been inviting you to come and stay with them ever since you and Jungwon transitioned from friends to something more and you finally opened up to him about your rocky home life.

You certainly weren’t one for charity especially when it involved moving in with your boyfriend of only two months but you trusted him enough to know he wouldn’t make something more out of this than it was.

That didn’t stop the sick feeling in your stomach from growing as you continued to stuff the most necessary items into another backpack, your free ear listening as closely as ever for the sound of angry footsteps stomping their way to your bedroom.

“And your mom is okay with it?” Your voice had gotten softer the more you asked, feeling ridiculous from how much you’d repeated yourself the last few days.

“Sweetheart you know she’s never home. It would be nice to have you around trust me, we could use a softer touch around the house.” He was shuffling something around on the other side of the line and you felt both affection and more guilt knowing he was likely preparing the guest room for your arrival.

You’d been stern when you told Jungwon you weren’t going to share his room with him but your boyfriend didn’t even think twice about it, as overly nice and bubbly as he always was.

That’s what had initially attracted you to the younger boy considering you had been known for your sharper demeanor for a long time, although not necessarily your fault when you looked back at your upbringing. He brought out a childish side of you that you had learned to appreciate and his sensitivity was only occasionally overwhelming.

It wasn’t at all surprising that he was grinning brightly at you on the day you finally arrived to his house, directly opposite of your own grim expression and the way you nervously pulled your large backpack higher on your shoulders.

He was quickly moving towards you so he could take one of the stuffed bags out of your hands and you thanked him softly before looking back towards the doorway, faltering now that he had moved and a new figure had taken his place.

You’d never met Jungwon’s parents before considering how fresh your relationship was and how rare it was for you to be able to leave home and see him outside of mandatory things like studying.

You knew not everybody had parents like yours but, for some reason, you hadn’t considered what type of people would raise a boy like Jungwon. The few times an image did pop up into your head it had been small round faces with bright eyes and smiles as wide as his were, friendly grandparent like energy that would greet you with warm hugs and maybe some freshly baked cookies.

Nothing like the man that was standing in front of you right now.

For a moment he bared absolutely zero resemblance to your boyfriend and you wouldn’t have even guessed they were related if it wasn’t for the way he cocked his eyebrow at you (a habit Jungwon also had whenever he was confused about something).

His eyes were sharp behind his thin wired glasses and almost cold if it wasn’t for the smile finally gracing his face, still not doing much to combat his impactful image. He was also decades younger than what you had pictured and you suddenly remembered comments Jungwon had made about his dad being mistaken for his older cousin.

“Dad this is Y/N.” The feeling of your boyfriends shoulder pressing against yours was slightly shaking you out of your dazed staring and you reddened, glancing at him from the side of your eye before hesitantly facing the owner of the house again. “My girlfriend.”

He’d taken a few steps off the porch now to stand infront of you and you hoped your face didn’t reflect how startled you felt, already feeling the embarrassment that would hit you later about how bad this first meeting was going.

“Nice to meet you Y/N, I’ve heard a lot about you.” His voice was a lot softer than you expected it to be, light and airy like he was trying to keep the attention off of himself.

It took you a few long humiliating seconds to realize his hand was outstretched towards you and you fumbled around awkwardly with your bags before grabbing it in yours, his palm slightly cold and calloused. You took a moment to wonder what he did for work before you were squeezing his hand in a small shake.

“It’s nice to meet you sir.” You hated how weak you sounded and you distantly heard Jungwon laugh a bit at your obvious nerves, making a mental note to scold him for it once you were alone.

“Jongseong is fine.” He was smiling now and your eyes shot to the sharp canine teeth peeking past his full lips before going back to hold his gaze, seeing a hint of something you couldn’t make out before it was disappearing with a blink.

You were testing his name out in a whisper instinctively before letting go of his lingering touch, going back to clenching the strap of your backpack and letting Jungwon lead you inside.

-

The first day went a lot smoother after your initial awkward interaction with Jongseong, being able to take the time alone in the guest room to unpack your few items and really take in the fact that you had left home.

Jungwon had respected the fact that you needed some space to adjust and he hadn’t bothered you much after giving you a short tour, popping into the doorway every few hours to give you an encouraging smile and ask if you needed his help with anything.

You once again appreciated how sweet your boyfriend was and found yourself feeling incredibly lucky to have landed somebody like him, giving him a quick kiss goodnight before you were changing into your pajama set and letting him go to sleep. You still had a few more things to set up and you figured you wouldn’t be sleeping for a while anyways, your nerves still high enough to keep you on edge.

It was definitely past midnight when you saw the shadow in your new doorway, a smile sneaking into your face before you even turned around.

“Sneaking into my room on the first night?” You didn’t bother looking at him, already anticipating the feeling of him hugging you from behind and bashfully denying your innuendo.

“Not quite.”

Your body tensed up in half a second at the sound of the far less familiar voice coming from behind you, freezing in place with a pile of clothes still in your hands.

Fear was obvious on your face when you dropped the few items clumsily on the bed and spun around to face him, Jongseong standing in the place where you had expected your boyfriend to be. The light amusement in his gaze wasn’t enough to stop the wave of embarrassment hitting you again and you flushed at the sight of him in more casual clothing, leaning against your doorway.

“I’m so sorry, I thought you were.. I didn’t even mean…” You were bouncing back and fourth between explaining why you had said it and not wanting him to think you actually had plans to let Jungwon sneak into your room.

His low chuckle stopped your rambling and you watched him sheepishly, once again struck by how young he looked especially now that he was just wearing a black sweater and some sweatpants with a college logo you couldn’t quite make out.

“Don’t worry about it, I know my son is a good kid and you seem like a sweet girl.” He was speaking so casually and you tried to ignore the low heat building at the light compliment coming from him. You chalked it up to wanting the approval of your boyfriend’s parent, nodding softly and shifting in place. “Was just coming to see how you were settling in?”

“It’s great sir. I’m just finishing up here.” You gestured behind you to the messy bed of your belongings and he titled his head just enough to look around you.

His gaze trailed back to you and you paused again at the heaviness of it, almost worried he was upset with you for making yourself at home so quickly.

“Y/N, I said Jongseong is fine.” He was repeating the same thing he told you earlier in the day but his tone was a lot sharper now, not quite irritated but definitely enough for you to get the memo.

Your eyes widened a touch at the sudden sternness but you were quick to nod at him and resist the urge to apologize to him, not wanting to turn something so small into a big ordeal like you had earlier with the handshake.

“I really appreciate you letting me stay with you guys.” You attempted to force yourself to keep your tone light and casual in an effort to stop making every interaction with him end in embarrassment. “…Jongseong.”

His eyes flashed with that same look you had noticed earlier and for a second you wondered if he regretted letting you address him so informally so soon now that it was actually rolling off your tongue. He barely shifted against the doorway but it was enough movement for you to drag your gaze down his outfit again before meeting his eyes quickly.

He raised his eyebrow again and the image reminded you of your boyfriend who was asleep just down the hall, chest tightening for some weird reason you didn’t really understand.

“No more thanking me and if you need anything, please let me know. And I do mean anything.” His voice never wavered when he spoke, an aura of maturity and self assurance carrying his words out smoothly, but his tone lowered at the end and now it was your turn to raise your eyebrows. “Sleep well Y/N.”

By the time you were prying open your lips to whisper something close to wishing him goodnight, he was already turning away from the doorway and walking down the dark hallway.

You waited a few seconds with bated breath before flopping back onto the bed while crushing all of your belongings sprawled across it in the process.

——

Waking up the next morning had you finally feeling the emotions of actually being away from your house, nearly getting a good nights sleep without the worry of being woken up by your angry father or belligerent mom.

You had a few instances where you woke up randomly and sprung into a sitting position, startled in your sleep by your bodies natural instinct to react and panic. Once you processed the quiet and safe room that surrounded you, you were able to fall back asleep slowly.

Jungwon and his dad had let you sleep in but you definitely didn’t want to make a habit of it, promising yourself you’d get up each day and make yourself useful as a thank you for their hospitality.

“There she is.” Your boyfriend’s cheerful voice was the first one to greet you when you got dressed and made your way downstairs, smiling sheepishly at him where he stood leaned against the kitchen counter.

You were walking straight into his arms and he gave you a soft hug, swaying lightly side to side as he made affectionate noises at your tired demeanor.

“How’d you sleep?” Another voice snapped you out of your daze a bit and you pulled away to find Jongseong, watching you over the rim of his coffee mug he was currently taking a large drink from.

“Good, very good.” You lied as naturally as you could and Jungwon kissed his teeth happily at your answer whilst his dad continued to watch you skeptically. “Anything I can help with?”

You had just now noticed that they seemed to be in the middle of preparing something for lunch, different ingredients littering the counters and three plates stacked nicely on top of each other. You wondered briefly if they always ate together like this despite it just being the two of them most the time or if it was a special occasion to welcome you.

“I would normally say no but I totally hate cutting up the vegetables.” Jungwon was always so bubbly that you couldn’t help but smile at him as he passed the task over to you, affection in your chest as you patted his arm softly and nodded.

He was quick to leave the kitchen before his dad could give him another assignment but you could still hear him humming in the dining room alongside the sound of plates being placed on the table and silverware clanking against glass.

You’d barely picked up the knife before you heard a low scoff and you glanced at Jongseong from the side of your eye, raising an eyebrow in question when you found him watching you.

His stare was disapproving but you didn’t see any seriousness in it, shaking his head when you slowly pressed the blade down against a head of broccoli. A laugh escaped you at his attempts to teach you without any speaking and you placed the knife back down on the counter.

“Care to show me your technique?” You surprised yourself with the teasing tone you’d taken on but you decided it was less awkward to pretend it was intentional, leaning back against the corner of the counters and waiting for his rebuttal.

“It would save us a lot of trouble.” He was swift to put down the seasoning bottles he had been applying to pieces of meat on a cutting board and you eyed him curiously as he approached.

You had fully expected him to take the knife and showcase what you were supposed to be doing with it but instead he was pausing by your tray of vegetables and beckoning you to approach it.

You were slow now when you moved back to where you had been standing considering he was right next to you this time, that same gaze that never seemed to leave you burning holes in the side of your face now. He cleared his throat before he was moving behind you, still close enough to be able to wrap his arms around you and grasp your wrist in his hand.

Your breath caught in your throat immediately both at the feeling of his skin touching yours and the fact he was nearly pressed up against you.

“Hold it tightly, just like that.” His voice came out in almost a whisper and you wondered if it naturally lowered the quieter he got or if he was doing it intentionally. You were on autopilot when you adjusted your fingers under his but apparently it had been correct considering the pleased hum you heard directly in your ear. “There we go Y/N, good job.”

The light praise was making you feel nearly sick and you braved looking over your shoulder in an attempt to see him.

“Jongseong.” Your face flushed red when you heard how breathy your voice was especially since he was standing far too close for you to be able to see his expression and understand what this situation was meant to be. “Sir.”

You hated how defenseless you were now but you’d be an idiot to deny how attractive he was and something about him being much older than you was leaving you feeling weaker than normal, weak enough that you didn’t feel the need to stop him when you felt his hand that wasn’t holding yours over the knife land above your hip.

“What did I say about that?” His mouth had moved closer to your ear and your eyes fluttered shut at the feeling of him squeezing your side, automatically swaying backwards to lean more against him. “Can you keep quiet for me?”

You were enthusiastically nodding your head without a second thought and your mouth parted when he slid his hand over your side to your stomach, pushing your thin shirt up carelessly so he could feel your skin.

The knife had been abandoned by both of you, his other hand also moving down to your exposed midsection and yours gripping the counter intensely, knuckles turning white from the pressure you were applying.

You could feel him press against you harder and you let out a shaky breath at his entire body over yours, height caging you in with his arms still around you.

“Doing so good.” He was speaking again and his voice alone was enough to spur a whine to fall from your lips, one of his hands quickly leaving your stomach in favor of extending over your throat and gripping your chin tightly between his fingers in an attempt to keep you from making another sound.

You were finally moving on your own to grab his wrist and impatiently maneuver his fingers so you could wrap your lips around two of them, feeling please with yourself when he made a slightly pained noise at the sudden feeling of your tongue soothing over his skin.

It was a definite way to keep you quiet and you could feel the effect it had on him considering he was pushed against you so tightly, the feeling of him beyond addicting in a way that was leaving your head spinning and taking away any rational thinking you had.

“You like that? Thought you’d take longer but here you are sucking on my fingers without even asking.” He was continuing to talk but you were focused so much on the sound of his voice that you couldn’t even process what he was actually saying.

Your lips were parting to try to say something back but you were interrupted by the sound of something hitting wood loudly right outside the door, immediately feeling Jongseong spring away from you just in time for Jungwon to walk into the kitchen and casually complain that he had bumped into one of the chairs.

Luckily his dad was quick to entertain his pained expression and engage in conversation with him because there was no way you would be able to speak now, face flushing with guilt and a terrible feeling in your stomach at the realization he had been two seconds from walking in on you doing something so awful and betraying him.

Your shoulders were tense as you stared straight ahead of you at the uncut vegetables and the completely abandoned knife. It had all happened so fast that you almost convinced yourself you’d daydreamed it if it wasn’t for the way your shirt was still slightly pushed up and the taste of his skin on your tongue.

You glanced over your shoulder in the direction of your boyfriend and his dad to find the latter already watching you like he commonly seemed to be, eyes dark and amused like he was daring you to say something about what had happened.

It was clear to both of you that you hadn’t even thought about it and you quickly looked away just in time for his lips to curl up into a smirk.

——

The next day was plagued with the realization of what happened and for the first time in your life you were actually wishing you could go home.

You didn’t necessarily regret it and you certainly didn’t fault him for anything that had happened considering you were more than a willing participant but between the guilt you felt everytime you saw Jungwons sweet face and the the constant want for more that wasn’t dying out, you felt exhausted.

Jongseong was an attractive man and you’d be stupid to deny something so obvious, from his sharp jawline and his cat like eyes that seemed to pierce you every time you made contact across a room. It also didn’t hurt that he was taller than you and Jungwon both and clearly in shape, evident by how he felt pushed against you.

Your face was smushed into your pillow as you restlessly rolled around trying to shake your head empty of the thoughts of his hands on your body and his mouth on your skin, proving impossible the more you laid there.

Maybe something was developmentally wrong with you or your issues with your father possibly made it so you were unable to deny the affection of somebody so much older than you. Whatever it was you weren’t too happy about it and the dull wanting ache in your stomach was not going away no matter how much time you spent avoiding him.

Apparently he was feeling the same thing because after a few days of doing your best to stay away, he was coming to find you.

“Can I have a word with you?” His voice from your doorway was making you spring up from the bed and you immediately flushed at the realization your hair was a complete mess from all your dramatic rolling.

He either didn’t notice or didn’t mind because his eyes stayed locked on yours and you nodded your head automatically at his question, watching him with wide eyes as he entered the small room and shut the door behind him.

A low heat was already building at the fact the two of you were alone and you only briefly wondered where your boyfriend was before hearing his voice come from down the hallway, shouting at whatever game he was always playing with his friends online.

Jungwon had been very good at giving you your space as you adjusted and you were beyond appreciative of that especially since you were constantly paranoid he would realize something was wrong.

“I would like to apologize.” He started off smooth and calm and you watched him silently as he shifted in place and kept his hands in his pockets. “I need to apologize.”

You felt a little bad that you weren’t really focusing on how emotionally torn up he looked but it really was his fault for coming into your bedroom wearing suit pants and a button up shirt, his work tie long abandoned and giving him an even sexier casual look. Your eyes were scanning his figure and you could only hope you weren’t drooling as he attempted to have a serious conversation with you.

He sighed a little bit at your obvious distraction and you finally paid attention when he sat on the edge of your bed, dipping slightly under his weight.

“I’m sorry?” You had meant it to be a chance for him to repeat his statements but instead he just scoffed out a laugh.

“Pretty sure that’s my line.” He was finally relaxing slightly but you could tell he still had his guard up, more so when you sat up on your knees and leaned closer to where he was stiffly sitting. “I made a mistake.”

You were earnest in the way you shook your head and his face was turned towards you just enough to see the way your expression crumpled at his regret even though you’d been struggling with the same dilemma. You hadn’t quite come to the conclusion that you wish it hadn’t happened so you were struck by the fact he had especially since he had been the one to initiate it.

“You didn’t.” You didn’t even bother caring about the possibility that you looked pathetic, crawling across the bed so you could be beside him with your hands coming up to grip his arm in an attempt to keep his attention on you. “We didn’t do anything I didn’t want, I promise.”

For a second you wondered if this was the outcome he had hoped for when he came into the room, if he had only apologized to be able to say he did all that he could to avoid the situation worsening.

You also wondered if he would be offended by you thinking so poorly of him or if your opinion didn’t matter at all, maybe he even liked the idea of you thinking he was a bad person for wanting you but still wanting him tenfold anyways.

It was hard to understand what was going through his mind considering the only things you really knew about him was that he was Jungwons father and this was extremely wrong of you both, especially the way he was looking at you now that you were closer to each other.

“I liked the way you touched me.” Your voice was dropping down to a mere whisper and his eyes automatically darkened at the turn in the conversation, gaze flickering down to where your hand was sliding up towards his shoulder before meeting your eyes again. “Should I leave you alone?”

You both silently understood that the out you were giving him was nothing more than a teasing remark, you knowing he wouldn’t accept it and him knowing you didn’t want him to.

His big hand was coming up to cup your cheek before you could say another word and you sighed happily when he was pulling you forward so he could finally kiss you properly.

The kiss was sloppy and wet right from the beginning and the heat built rapidly in you now, fully feeling the difference between Jungwon and the older man next to you. He was clearly more experience and he had no hesitation in the way he was roughly grabbing your arm and pulling you forward so you were straddling his lap.

You whined against his mouth and you could feel him smiling at the sound, keeping his hand on your face like he was trying to stop you from moving away despite the fact you were sat ontop of him with your hands smoothing over his shoulders and arms.

“Jongseong.” You were breathing his name into the air with his lips on your neck and he hummed half heartedly in question. “Jay quit.”

Your hands were in his hair making a complete mess of it and a large part of you felt smug for getting to be the one to make such a responsible man, an adult in every sense of the word, pull you closer and closer like he was worried you’d stop him too early.

“This is a bad idea.” Your eyes fluttered shut when his teeth scraped your skin and his arm was fully wrapped around your lower back to keep you from leaving.

“This is the best idea I’ve ever had.” He was holding your gaze for just a second once your eyes opened again before he was kissing you, back to the filth and desperation immediately like you’d never stopped.

Your immediate attraction to each other was undeniable but you knew while kissing him that you wouldn’t be able to stop anytime soon, even if it meant hurting Jungwon after he had been so kind to you.

That word was the issue and you felt a flash of annoyance at the thought of him and how nice he constantly was. His hands were always hovering over your skin like he thought his touch would hurt you and he was always wincing whenever you vented after a bad day or said something rude about a stranger, his heart so soft and pure and so easy to break that it drove you to insanity occasionally.

You stayed with Jungwon because he was not the type to leave you, regardless if he loved you or not. You knew you didn’t have to worry about randomly being dumped or cheated on with the younger boy because he was simply too kind to hurt your feelings.

Jay didn’t seem to mind as much as his son about your well-being or how fragile you could possibly be, hands roughly groping your body and biting down on your swollen lips despite the fact you had to leave this room and act like nothing happened.

“Stop thinking.” His voice was rough and set in a whisper that made your back arch so you could press yourself into him. “Focus on me princess.”

“I’m trying.” Your answer was surprisingly honest and he pulled back so your lips weren’t touching anymore although still close enough that you could feel his nose rubbing against yours and feel his breath on your face.

“He’ll never know.” He sounded so sure that for a second you wondered if this was the type of thing he did often.

Not necessarily with his sons girlfriends considering you knew for a fact you were the first girl Jungwon had ever spent time around let alone dated but you realized in that moment that you didn’t know anything about the man underneath you besides the fact he was willing to press himself against you the first day you meant just off pure attraction alone.

The thought paralyzed you for a second and you instinctively looked towards the door, feeling him tense underneath you at the realization you were uncomfortable.

His hand was coming up to hold your cheek softly and you noted how rough his skin felt compared to Jungwons baby smooth palm, that low heat still there at the difference despite how awkward you felt now.

“I’m not like this usually.” You weren’t sure why the confession spilled from your lips but you were partially hoping he’d give you one in return. “I’ve never done this before.”

Instead he was giving you a soft smile and for once he had no dark lust in his eyes or ulterior motive when he leaned in to kiss your lips softly, barely there peck that made your head spin with new emotions towards the situation. He was still looking at you with the heavy fondness when he pulled back again and you knew you must’ve looked like a fool, eyes wide with innocent admiration as you stared at him infatuated.

This time when you made a light move off his lap he didn’t try to stop you and you settled for sitting right next to him, fully facing his direction and waiting for him to say something- anything that would confirm he was the same way.

Your chest clenched uncomfortably when he wasn’t looking at you and you could see a tightness in his jaw that wasn’t there before, wondering if it was anger or something else.

“I’m sorry.” You were whispering it without knowing what you were really apologizing for and his gaze snapped over to you like he had forgotten you were there.

“What for? I came onto you.” He clearly had a habit of being blunt but you wanted to shrink into yourself hearing the words be said so carelessly and loud into the quiet room. “Do you love my son?”

The question completely threw you off and you were left without a reply long enough for it to become one, your conflicted expression and half opened mouth like you were searching for the right words was all he needed to see to know your answer.

You had been friends with Jungwon a long time before he actually asked you out for a date and you assumed the comfortability and the want to not ruin your friendship was what made you say yes that first time and all the times after that.

“He’s good to me.” You quickly interjected when you realized his expression had changed to an almost smug look, the need to defend your boyfriend triumphing the want to please the man you knew could make you feel good if you let him. “Better than I am to him.”

“Does he touch you?” He nearly cut you off to ask it and the image of Jungwon sweetly kissing you and wincing whenever you made a crude joke flashed in your mind as you shook your head in denial. “Good.”

You weren’t sure if it was a sense of ego or casual possession that led him to enjoying your answer but you sighed softly as he leaned in to kiss you again, moving your mouth with his instinctively and wishing now you had never stopped in the first place. The conversation hadn’t given you any clarity and if anything you were just more confused but it was hard to think when he was kissing you.

He was pulling away and standing up before you could really understand why you weren’t kissing anymore and you heard him murmur for you to sleep well before he was exiting the room.

——

You realized the next morning that it had been far too long since you left the house and the largest part of you hoped that getting some fresh air would give you some mental clarity and help you get out of your situation, beginning to think that being in his presence was actually casting some sort of spell on you.

You spent the entire day out searching for different part time jobs around the neighborhood and by the time you started to walk back your legs were burning from how far you’d traveled.

There was a heavy sense of pride and accomplishment within yourself for getting back out there but it was almost immediately vanishing when you opened the front door to the sight of company.

Both Jungwon and Jay were in the kitchen which didn’t really surprise you now that you realized it was almost dinner time, they seemed to enjoy cooking together more than other father son duos you’d met, but the thing that was throwing you off was the third person standing against the counter.

You should have known something was wrong by the look on Jays face when you first walked in, bridled with annoyance that you hadn’t quite seen yet from him.

Your boyfriend looked similarly distressed (something you noticed only after a pang of guilt for checking out his father first hit you) and you quickly understood why when the unknown figure was leisurely crossing the room like she owned the place.

Possibly because she actually did.

“You must be Y/N.” Her voice was silky and smooth in a mature way that only came with age and your eyes widened naturally as her slender hand extended towards you.

“Yes I am, it’s so good to meet you.” You’d practiced weeks ago what to say when you meant Jungwons parents but you had never expected this to be the kind of person who has raised somebody so warm. “Thank you for letting me stay with you guys.”

She seemed to suck all the air out of the room and you felt almost like you were going to be sick the longer you stood there, eyes drifting over her small frame to where you knew Jay would be watching you from his place in the kitchen.

His eyes were stone cold and cautious but you assumed it wasn’t directed at you considering you hadn’t heard a single mention of Jungwons mom your entire stay here, not so much as a photo of her on the fridge or girly shampoo on the shelves in the shower.

Your heart clenched realizing how little you knew about their life even after moving in with them because you couldn’t tell if she was intruding or if you were.

“I take it you’re enjoying your stay?” Her voice sounded sharper than it had before and your eyes trailed from her husband back to her, feeling caught even though you weren’t sure in what.

“It’s been wonderful.” Your own voice had gotten a tension to it that you weren’t used to hearing lately and you could see Jungwon shifting behind her like he was considering stepping in and cutting the interaction short before your famously short temper unraveled at the worst possible time.

Instead it was Jay that moved to come in between you and for half a second you assumed his moving hand was going to land on you, foolishly freezing when it was wrapping around her waist.

She looked almost as surprised as you did so you only slightly understood the flash of anger that ripped through you at the sight of him touching her.

“Should we have a seat and eat together?” He sounded unlike himself and a quick shift of his sharp eyes towards you was enough for you to eagerly nod and make your way towards the table to avoid upsetting him.

You felt ridiculously childish and upset at the way your lips formed into a pout when you saw them sitting side by side even more so when Jungwon was coming to pull his chair out next to you and only snapping you into reality enough to make you fix your expression before anyone noticed.

The dinner was cold and awkward without a single word spoken outside of asking to pass the salt or a clearing of the throat. For some reason you had been mentally preparing yourself for a line of harsh questioning from his mother, maybe even a few snide comments that would insinuate you knew what her husband tasted like but instead she didn’t look up from her plate or even regard the fact you were sitting there.

It upset you for Jungwon who kept glancing around like he was waiting for something resembling a conversation or any show of interest in his life, especially about the person he was dating.

Your chair pushing out was obnoxiously loud and you winced when all three faces turned toward you as you stood up, for a second seeing the resemblance between Jungwon and his mom more than him and Jay.

“Bathroom.” The word squeaked out from you and you were turning and dashing off before anybody could respond, almost tripping over the rug on the way and feeling a flush of embarrassment at how unladylike you probably looked to somebody like her.

The state of you in the mirror made it five times worse and you could’ve cried seeing the red of your cheeks and how unkempt you’d gotten from walking around all day. You had been in such a good mood and so proud of yourself yet managed to feel the opposite in such a short time, throat tightening the longer you stared at yourself.

You tensed up when the door was opening without even being knocked on and you weren’t too surprised to see Jay stepping into the small bathroom, looking at you blankly until he realized how upset you were.

“What happened?” He was quick to step towards you and although you wanted to flinch away from his touch instead you were leaning into him and wrapping your arms around his middle.

“I thought I had such an important day.” Your voice was embarrassingly whiny but luckily it was mostly muffled by the fact your face was tucked against his chest, especially since he was wearing a thick sweater that you thought made him look more domestic than usual. “But coming home and seeing her..”

You trailed off because you weren’t really sure what the issue was although you had a feeling he’d figure it out before you even did.

He was petting your hair softly and you picked your face up to look at him, peering up and wanting for him to say something that would hopefully make you feel less stupid about your dramatics.

“Did you do good today?” He was tucking some loose strands behind your ear and speaking in that firm parental tone that made your body light up immediately. You were nodding your head after a few seconds of hesitance from your own self doubt and he hummed softly. “I’m so proud of you.”

You leaned further into him at the soft praise and you could hear him chuckle just as much as you felt it, chest rising and falling with the sound and pressing into yours with the movement.

It was inevitable that you softly rocking up on your tiptoes was going to lead to another kiss, his hand cupping your cheek as he met you half way and silenced your desperate whine with his lips pressing against yours. You felt a sense of heavy comfort and warmth wash over you now that you were finally getting what you wanted from the moment you stepped inside and your smoothed your hands over his firm back up to his shoulder blades.

He was taking a few steps forward and your back roughly hit the bathroom counter, wasting no time before you were scrambling to sit ontop of it so he could press forward in between your open legs and keep kissing you harder and harder.

His hips fell against yours and your body felt like it was on fire from how much you needed more of that, mouth parting as you lost the ability to kiss him back from how hard you were panting. That didn’t stop him from still pressing his lips against your unmoving ones and he only seemed to notice the reason for your distraction when you spread your legs even more to try to get him to press down in between them again.

“You like that baby?” His voice was low and husky and your eyes shot up to his at the sound of it, nodding your head and whining when he rolled himself down onto your aching core and kept his gaze on yours the entire time. “Want me to touch you there so bad don’t you.”

You knew it was more of an observation than a question but you kept nodding your head stupidly so there was no room for him to misunderstand how much you truly wanted that.

“Please.” Your voice was breathier than you’d ever heard it and his eyebrows furrowed for a second like he was in pain. “Need it Jay, please.”

His lips were back on yours the second you finished your gentle pleads and you outwardly moaned this time at the feeling of his tongue licking into your mouth, completely filthy in the way he was moving against you and running his hand up your thigh at the same time.

You were desperately rolling your hips up in an attempt to meet his again but he was brutally holding back for some reason, letting you get more and more desperate as you made out until he was finally pushing your skirt up enough that you could understand what he wanted to do to you.

He gave you one last long kiss before he was shifting away from you and lowering himself to his knees infront of the counter, your wide eyes watching him as he pushed your skirt high up on your hips so he had a full view of what was underneath. You had no time to be insecure about what kind of underwear you were wearing or what he could be thinking because he was pulling it down your thighs and groaning to himself at the sight of you.

“Fuck you get so wet just from kissing.” He was almost talking to himself instead of you but you still whined impatiently at the lewd wording, shifting even further onto the edge of the counter as much as your humiliation would allow you.

“Do something, anything.” You were even more embarrassed that you felt like you had no idea what you were asking for.

You weren’t a stranger to the idea of sex and what all came before it if you got lucky (which clearly you finally had) but the specifics were a bit lost on you especially with somebody with close to double your lifetime of experience.

Clearly this didn’t matter to him because he was disappearing from your sight and putting his mouth on you before you could ask him for it again. Your mouth dropped open in a low sound you didn’t know you could make and your hands gripped the counter and wall simultaneously to stop yourself from instinctively closing your legs or running from the foreign feeling.

You’d never imagined a few days ago that Jay would have even kissed you again let alone been eating you on with his wife and son right downstairs but you felt like your entire world shifted just from the sensation of his tongue on you.

“Fuck.” You felt dumb for being at a complete loss when it came to what you could say but there was no chance you were getting out more than that especially since he was wasting no time before he was actively licking into you and wrapping his mouth around your clit.

Your hips rolled against his movements on their own and you could’ve cried from how good it felt, his large hands wrapped around your legs and ankles to keep your pliant for him even though there was nothing that could make you stop now.

Even the thought of Jungwon getting curious about your absence and coming to search for you wasn’t making you hesitant in the desperate way you moved your hand to Jays short black hair to pull him into you.

“Taste so good.” His own voice sounded similar to the state of yours now, breathy and desperate in a way that majorly stroked your ego. “Can’t believe I didn’t have you before.”

“You have me now.” You were practically whining the words and you were scooting even closer to try to get him to stop talking and keep making you feel good already. “Keep going Jay please.”

That was all he needed to hear to dive back into licking you, tongue bringing you sensations you hadn’t even known were possible. It was taking everything in you not to lose yourself in the moment and moan and cry for him, lip bitten harshly between your teeth with small sounds escaping.

“S-so good.” You felt like you were going crazy and the few times you’d made yourself finish on your own was nothing compared to what was happening now, completely coming undone with your legs tensing around his head which didn’t do much to deter him.

You couldn’t barely catch your breath before he was back to standing and roughly kissing you again, slamming you back against the mirror and letting his hands come up to grope at your thighs and chest like he was a man starved.

“Such a good girl for me.” He was speaking in between the borderline filthy kisses he was giving you and you whined at the praise, head filled with that staticky feeling you got whenever he said something similar. “You love being good for daddy don’t you?”

Your eyes widened at the title so casually slipped into the sentence and his eyebrow cocked looking down at you, pausing from licking into your mouth so he could fully watch your response.

You were quick to nod in agreement to his statement and kiss him again, a lot more gentle this time.

“Don’t let her get you upset, she’s nothing.” It took you a few dizzy seconds to understand what he was talking about and your heart clenched when you remembered the reason you were upset in the first place.

“She’s just so…” You didn’t really know how to explain that the fact she was everything you weren’t was driving you crazy despite clearly seeing you were more welcomed in her own home than she was.

Once again it seemed like he knew what you were thinking without actually hearing it come from your mouth and you could do nothing but pout stupidly while he caressed your hair and adjusted your skirt to where it was more presentable, a silent end to what you’d been doing just a few seconds ago as the mood shifted drastically.

“She’s nothing compared to you.” He was borderline whispering as he pulled you off the counter and into him, bodies pressing together in a way that made your head spin. You rocked forward onto your toes so you’d be able to kiss him again and he accepted without hesitation.

It was a lot easier to go to your room and rest than you figured it would be but you’d grown more comfortable here as of late and your heart didn’t feel heavy knowing he was downstairs lying that you had felt sick.

——

The next few days you saw less of Jay than you would’ve liked and your only real interactions came from dinner time small talk or the handful of times he managed to get you alone in a room, which didn’t leave you much time for conversation considering the fact his tongue was practically shoved down your throat whenever the opportunity presented itself.

You didn’t take it personally knowing he was busy with work and you almost hated to admit that the thought of him being stressed about his very adult job turned you on as much as it worried you.

Beside it wasn’t like you were capable of feeling lonely with Jungwon at your side even more than he usually was, potentially hiding out from his mother and whatever awkward talks she thought it was her duty to fulfill because of her absence.

He’d lay in your bed reading while you sat at the desk scanning the newspaper for local part time jobs and the two of you had even taken up the tradition of going for walks after dinner.

Jungwon was providing a great comfort to you that was only ever shifted when you were forced to remember he wasn’t just your bestfriend and you couldn’t confide in him about your tough situation without breaking your heart. Something in you crumbled everytime he tried to kiss you during a laughfest and you could only take so much more handholding before you considered cutting yours off.

He wasn’t doing anything wrong of course, playing his part of your loving boyfriend, but you still couldn’t shake the sensation that he wasn’t the one you were supposed to be kissing.

You’d even dodged him the other night when he attempted to kiss you with his dad in the other room, stomach turning uncomfortably at the thought of Jay seeing that despite the fact he was sleeping in the same bed as his wife most nights.

“I just don’t understand why she can’t like me.” You were stuck on the idea of her far past your ridiculous jealously, overly scorned by her indifference or outright disgust whenever the two of you had to be in the same vicinity.

“She doesn’t really like anyone Y/N.” Jungwon was sighing softly and you turned your head that was resting on his stomach in an attempt to look at him with an annoyed expression. “I thought knowing about you and my dad would make her rethink stuff but I don’t know.”

Your entire body locked up at the vagueness of his sentence and the fact he’d even referred to you two as a pair of any kind, paranoia and panic hitting you despite not hearing any sign of upset or anger in your boyfriends typically calm tone.

“Me and your dad?” Your voice squeezed the words out and he gave you a weird look that only made your head fill with more terrible possibilities.

“Yeah? Just how often the two of you talk to each other.” His casualness did little to ease your inner turmoil but you stayed quiet as he talked. “I explained to her how you don’t have a good relationship with your own dad and how you sometimes go to mine for advice and whatnot.”

Your body flooded with both relief towards the fact he clearly had no idea about your affair but also guilt and slight disgust knowing that your boyfriend had so much trust in you that even the knowledge of you and his dad being alone together frequently didn’t make him think twice about your innocence.

If anything he’d been even sweeter than you imagined and hoped you were getting advice and help from his family member.

You couldn’t help but feel anger towards his mother knowing that she was aware of you and Jay “talking” privately a lot because you already knew she didn’t have as pure as thoughts about it as her son did.

It bothered you until you and Jungwon got home and even more so when he was kissing you gently and wishing you a goodnight before going to his own room, leaving you standing in the hallway and seriously debating what you should do.

A big part of you considered just walking out of the house in general, already mentally drafting up the apology you’d give your father as you begged him to allow you to come back home.

The other part was the one leading you down to the room Jay shared with his wife and forcing you to push the door open without knocking. You had a moment to appreciate how lucky you’d been that she wasn’t actually there but it was gone as soon as you saw he was.

“Y/N? Baby are you alright?” He was putting down whatever files he had been shifting through and approaching you as soon as the door closed but your sour expression and hand coming up to keep him away made him freeze in place.

“What if I did let him touch me?” You didn’t say the name because of how forbidden it felt but you both knew exactly what you were talking about. His face remained the same but you could see his shoulders tighten and you knew you’d hit a sore spot. “What if he touched me and it was good, if it felt right?”

Whatever had stopped him from approaching him earlier was gone now and you stood there with caught breath as he closed the distance, standing a hair away and staring down at you and your face that you knew resembled a scolded child.

The air in the room was heavy and you could almost physically feeling it weigh you done but you still couldn’t deny the heat coursing through you at the idea of him being upset with you and thinking you needed to be taught some sort of lesson, accompanied by the familiar ache and longing to please him and take back what you had just said despite knowing you wanted a response.

“Would it be the same?” His voice was low and your body responded to it immediately, eyes nearly fluttering shut as you leaned against his chest. “Would it be better, would it be what you actually want?”

“I don’t know what I want.” You knew it was a lie as you said it because everything you could possibly be craving was standing right infront of you, big hands cupping your face like you belonged to him and not somebody else.

You wanted to kiss him right now more than you wanted to breathe, silently willing the conversation to end without any resolution just so you didn’t have to wait a second longer. He wasn’t reading your mind this time but his thumb was gently caressing over the skin of your cheek and the small gesture was enough for now.

“Yes you do.” He was nodding as he said it like he was coaxing you along and you watched him like his word was gospel. “You want somebody who can take care of you, you want to feel good and you know only I can do that.”

“Show me.” Your voice came out in a breath and he seemed like he was pleased with your response even though you figured he already knew there was no actual weight to your words and you weren’t having second thoughts. “Make me feel good.”

He was kissing you before you could say anything else and you immediately melted into the now familiar feeling, bringing your hands up to hold onto his arms and make sure he didn’t go anywhere in the world other than with you.

The stolen moments you’d had recently were nothing compared to actually being able to have him kissing you without a time limit, pushing you back softly until your legs were hitting the bed and you were falling backwards.

He’d already braced your body against his so you landed softly but you were growing impatient with the new pace he’d taken on, lacking the usual roughness and desperation you’d grown so addicted to.

“Jay.” You were managing to push the whine out only because he moved his kissing down to your neck, still soothing his hand over your face and hair gently while he left marks you knew you wouldn’t be able to explain. “I need more.”

“You’ll get it.” He was quick to shut you down and remind you that he was overwhelmingly in charge of your entire situation.

Regardless it was affective in shutting you up and allowing him to do whatever he wanted, your own hands smoothing over the shape of his muscular back and shoulders. You were quickly finding yourself unhealthy obsessed with every part of him and you felt extremely thankful he was pushing your skirt up at the same time you came to that realization.

It wasn’t lost on you that he was marking you up in the same bed he shared with his wife and you almost automatically spread your legs for him to slot between at the thought.

“Gonna take my time and make you feel taken care of another day.” He sounded almost pained and annoyed at himself but you couldn’t bother being upset about what he was implying when he roughly pulled your underwear done and started to fumble with his belt. “Just need you right now.”

“You can take me.” Your mouth parted with a desperate need at the image of his shirt riding up from his hands movements, giving you just enough of a glimpse of his happy trail and tanned skin before he was moving it back down to remove his belt all the way.

No part of you was minding the lack of romance or the fact he wasn’t drawing out the first time you actually got to feel him all the way, wanting him more than anything you could even begin to compare this to.

“It’s gonna hurt baby.” His warning did nothing but light up the heat in you more and you didn’t need to tell him that considering the dazed expression you had, hearing him laugh a little at your excitement. “That’s my good girl I know you can handle it.”

He wasn’t lying about the pain you’d feel and your entire body tensed up at the sudden intrusion you felt, no prep or warning given as he relied solely on how wet and willing you were for him. Your mouth dropped open again but this time from the sharp ache only the tip of him caused, thankful that it hurt so much you couldn’t actually let out a noise.

“Fuck.” You couldn’t think of anything else to say but that seemed to do the trick in getting his attention back on you and not how tightly you were squeezing him, bringing his lips back down to meet yours and offer some distraction.

“God you’re so tight.” He sounded almost equally as wounded although you knew it was for much different reasons, fighting within himself to not just start fucking you right away.

The urge to please him and not make him wait was slowly creeping up again the longer he stayed still inside you and you felt your hips shifting before you even decided you were ready for more, rolling up slowly and urging him to fill you up and let himself feel you.

There was no hesitance on his part but he still went as slow as he possibly could, swallowing your whines and cries of pain with his tongue in your mouth and a soothing hand rubbing alongside your stomach like he was physically guiding himself inside.

“Cmon princess.” His low voice made you snap your eyes back open, not even realizing you had closed them, watching him and his expressions that were a lot more fond and affectionate than you thought they’d be right now. “Gotta relax for me.”

You wondered for just a second if he was fully inside you or if there was somehow more to push in, too nervous to look down and confirm it might be the latter. You let yourself take a few deep breaths as you stared at him and it was easier to feel the pleasure in your core when you could actually see his handsome face above yours.

“Fuck me.” You’d meant to sound alot sexier than you had but the sweet and begging tone was clearly enough for him because he did exactly that.

You could’ve swore your entire world shattered at the feeling of Jay actually fucking himself into you and claiming you in a way that nobody else had yet, pained whimpers quickly replaced with desperate whines that got covered by his hand on your mouth when you started to get too loud.

His other hand was moving anywhere it could to feel you and you found yourself cursing the fact he was still clothed, wanting to touch his skin and see the shift in his muscles as he fucked you open.

“That’s right baby just like that, let daddy take you.” He was talking again and that alone was nearly enough to push you over the edge, eyes watering at the satisfaction in his words. “Such a good girl for me just like I knew you’d be.”

Your legs spread wider instinctively and you felt him deeper and deeper with every thrust, whining so loud you were almost positive anybody else in the house was going to hear you.

The idea of that or more specifically of his wife hearing how good her husband was fucking you in her bed was driving you to near insanity and you were grateful his hand was firmly over your mouth to stop you from saying things you might regret outside of the heat of the moment.

Jay either didn’t notice or didn’t care but he wasn’t stopping his pace or filthy words that only encourage your noises even when your stomach was clenching up with release and you were mindlessly rolling your hips to try to feel more of him.

He fucked you through it and you almost thought he wouldn’t stop even after you came so hard you felt exhaustion ripping through you but he was pulling out and finishing on your bare stomach only a few seconds after that, no doubt driven to his own release by how much tighter you’d squeezed him.

Your mouth was back on his before you’d even processed what you’d done, what finally line you’d crossed, and he was eagerly accepting it. He rolled the two of you around easily so you were the one laying on top of him and you appreciated the small amount of control offered, giving you the ability to stop and go to clean up whenever you needed.

For now you just wanted to be close to him and you didn’t feel the sense that want would fade anytime soon.