#you are going to get sick of me
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learning to love
#they make me so fucking unwell i feel so ill whenever i think about them#it's OVER for me i'm done#teen skk is going on my fucking suicide note thanks for everything asagiri#something something your bloodied hand in mind something something by you i am forever undone#something something to the world we may be villains but to each other we're two halves of the same soul#head in my fucking hands#sry for getting all emo i rewatched pmmm yesterday and i've been feeling existential about everything#i actually listened to the pmmm ost while drawing it saved me i love you yuki kajiura😍 (i died)#nothing like a haunting latin chorus echoing through my empty head while i draw tragic yaoi 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰#big shoutout to sis puella magica i had that one on loop for like two hours‼️#anyway enough about the doomed yuri anime back to skk#forget everything i said i actually hope they explode i'm sick of their asses#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd#chuuya nakahara#nakahara chuuya#osamu dazai#dazai osamu#soukoku#skk#posting at ungodly hours again this is gonna catch up to me 💔#lotus draws
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thinking about sten again. thinking about him calling the warden kadan and never explaining what it means. thinking about him offering to take the warden back with him to par vollen, but it's never actually an option the warden takes, even if you agree. thinking about how sten responds the best to a warden who stands their ground even if he doesn't agree with them. thinking about how he loves sweets and art, and how he plays with kittens. "it's training," he says. but come on. he's playing. thinking about what else he's had to justify to himself for liking.
and he calls alistair kadan! shale as well! do you think it was ever extended to the other party members? just,, agh
#dao#dragon age#dragon age origins#sten#sten of the beresaad#clearly having a normal one#also leliana and sten is such an underrated friendship. i do think it'd be kind of difficult for them to get along at first m#(leliana being so devout and sten being so dedicated to the qun) but they get there#they were both in lothering together. i wonder if they talk about it sometimes#also the whole “the warden cant actually go to par vollen” thing makes me feel SICK with a mage warden. because its an offer that has no#good ending. it was an offer made where both parties already know that it cant happen but it is an offer made regardless#bioware you bastard let me romance sten#just once#cmonn
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this is probably all the tgcf you're ever gonna get out of me
#asdjifodhuigwahhh i finally caved yeah i did. i started the donghua .#love hua cheng hes such a loser#tgcf#hualian#mxtx tgcf#tian guan ci fu#hua cheng#xie lian#tgcf fanart#tgcf xie lian#tgcf hua cheng#tgcf hualian#hualian fanart#asher art#shitpost#csp#would you believe me if i told you that one of the only clear memories i have of watching tgcf the first time around (i was sick asf on#holiday a while ago) is watching the episode with the dice in the cup in the ghost city and going aww isnt that nice. hes helping him. :)#and then getting traumatised by the crunchyroll comments#lmfao how tf did i not realise what was going on there AHAHA#anywaygood bye.
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something people just don’t think about is how often chronically ill and disabled people just don’t have access to good food. not healthy food, good food; well made, tasty meals that don’t come from a jar or a freezer. how many of us are housebound or can’t drive? delivery services only offer within certain distances, if you live outside a city they aren’t an option. many people don’t have the energy or ability to cook for themselves if they have the skill to begin with. many certainly don’t have the ability to learn how. it’s something that goes completely unnoticed, just the opportunity to have a good meal and how much that wears you down
#all i want is chinese food#the closest one to me is 40 minutes away and its a /bad/ chinese place#its my worst option and its not even an option#‘fried rice is easy to make heres a recipe!’#i cant use a stove bc the heat will give me a seizure#even if i keep myself cool something that should take 15 minutes will take upwards of an hour bc i need to take breaks#even then ill probably be too nauseous to eat it after being active for so long#all of that for a bad cooks version of fried rice#more expensive and worse than a takeaway place#but i cant get it from a takeaway place#repeat ad nauseum for the rest of my life and is it any wonder im so sick of the same food ive eaten for 10 years#the only time i get takeaway is when my parents decide to go out and bring something home#can you imagine living like that for the rest of your life?#i dont have to#and its so dumb to want to cry over rice#but its not really about the rice is it#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#spoonie#chronic illness#disability#pots#postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome#ehlers danlos syndrome#fibromyalgia#chronic fatigue#chronically ill#mental illness#mental health
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I need to find the person who decided Cait will go from a rich girl ashamed of her privilege and trying her best to make the world better, to someone who weaponizes her social and monetary capital for selfish goals that contribute to the oppression of the lower classes, the MOMENT she goes from heiress to leader. and give them an enormous kiss right on the mouth
#her family FUNDS THE ENFORCERS. THEY HAVE BEEN. FUNDING ENFORCERS THIS ENTIRE TIME.#and the ONLY REASON she threatened to pull funding was to GET VI ACCEPTED INTO THE FORCE.#not for any actually GOOD reason. she now has all the money and power to do all that good she'd always dreamed of.#but now she thinks of those she wanted to protect as animals. as rotten. as someone she needs to protect FROM.#i am going bonkers crazy this is so good. money and power changes you. everyone is vulnerable to moral failure. so good#arcane liveblog#arcane spoilers#s1 vicait breakup was a lil silly to me because i didn't feel they were THAT different. but i was naiive. i was blinded. vi was right.#s2 vicait breakup is breaking my heart because it is directly caused by how different their upbringing is. they are on completely different#social levels. there is such an insane imbalance there and vi jumped headlong into it thinking it didn't matter because she was loved.#i am SICK. to my STOMACH. i LOVE THEM
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I cannot express enough that if your reaction, as a hobby artist, to not getting that many notes on your art is to say "maybe I should just stop doing art altogether" you need to stop posting art to tumblr
not necessarily forever, not even for long, but just stop putting your art on here and start doing it for you again, remember why you enjoyed doing art in the first place and stop relying on the attention of faceless people on the internet for your enjoyment of your hard work
believe me, I get it, nothing crushes the artistic soul quite like labouring for hours on a piece only for it to get like 10 notes, so you need to find your own source of joy in the act of creation and a lot of the time that means making art and not showing it to anybody
#not art#listen#for real#this is not about any one person because i've seen posts about it from a bunch of people#you think i post everything here? buddy i dont even post half my stuff here#every drawing you see is preceded by five more just like it#that never see my cursor close to the save button#i have a sketchbook i draw in regularly that i do'nt show to a single goddam person#i make cutout art from gels i steal from work and stick them to my windows and do paintings in my living room just for me#because that it the only way you are ever going to be able to retain your original love of art#is by doing it for the sake of doing it#not for the sake of seeing how many people stop and stare#anyways i'm sorry if this sounds terse#but i'm so sick of seeing artists put all their self-esteem and happiness in the hands of a blogging website#stop selling yourself short by measuring your self worth by how many reblogs you get and what people say in the tags#your artistry and your happiness are worth more than that#if you're an artist for a living that's another story#but even then#even then#anyways sorry i'm done ranting
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#i just like when the tables turn and its sanji whos annoying and picking on zoro#imnot even gonna put a caption man im going to sleep#goodn=bye. leaf me alone. i dont want to look at these fucklechucks anymore. i hate them#get away from me#i always struggle with both of their hairstyles. especially sanji. i should shave him bald im sick of you im so fucking sick of you#okay image-crunchinator 5000. hit me with your best fucking shot. you better make it count. you better kill me in one shot#edit: it did. orz#wtf... art#one piece fanart#roronoa zoro#zoro#sanji#sanji black leg#can be these if u squint ->#zosan#sanzo
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Wanted to doodle some comfort bros to balance out the angst of my recent posts lol
Hey pookies! Just wanted to say I really appreciate all the love and support I've been receiving lately for Decoded! I always love your comments/asks/fanart/memes, it genuinely has been bringing me so much joy and I'm so grateful for it <3
I know I said I had a lot of art to post (and then proceeded to post none of it LOL) I'm just a little overwhelmed rn with some life stuff so sorry for the wait! I also have a lot asks that I haven't gotten to and I apologize for that as well!
Trying my best to keep up, but I haven't had a lot of time recently. Art's gonna be a little delayed, but don't worry Chapter 8 is still gonna come out this Saturday as scheduled!
#wild kratts#chris kratt#martin kratt#littlecrittereli#also if you ever make fanart or smth and I don't respond after a while its probably bc it got burried in my notifs#feel free to @ me again or send me an ask#i promise im not sick again LOL#(though I probably just jinxed it watch me come back on here tomorrow and tell you all i got Tuberculosis)#KNOCKING ON WOOD SO HARD BC MY BODY WOULD ABSOLUTELY DO THAT TO ME#ANYWAYS IM rambling Im just super grateful for the feedback Ive been getting and I dont know how to express it very well#so i hope i can make it clear!! i appreciate it!!!#ok thanks bye im gonna go pass out for 13 hours now <333
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what was the point of lila thinking home was a feeling she didn't deserve and could never earn until she found diego. what was the point of them finding deep, meaningful love in each other. what was the point of lila opening her heart and confessing that all she really wanted was a family with him.
what was the point of developing diego and lila over two seasons, creating such a beautiful, chaotic bond, just to destroy it for no reason.
#the umbrella academy#diego x lila#lila pitts#diego hargreeves#what was the point!!!!!!#isn't it great when there's no character resolution and everyone just gets erased from existence#instead of giving us emotional closure they just added more pain and trauma and called it a day#what was it all for exactly. to give the handler a peaceful happy life of all people#don't even get me started on the bracelet or that awful pointless love triangle#steve blackman is gross and so is the way he talks about lila like she's not even a character in her own right but just an afterthought#someone who was there to pair with five while diminishing all that she is#five needed a love story so they just shoved lila into that role as if she were some random accessory to five's story#rather than her own character with thoughts and feelings#a woman's entire character arc is ruined just to give a guy a love interest#i feel sick#i've already mentioned some of this on twitter but whatever#as you can probably guess i'm not going to gif this so-called new season#lila deserved better. diego deserved better. we deserved better
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never change, man !
#phantom of the paradise#potp#swan potp#nightmaretheater#65 layers and about 24 hours . Eeeyyuppp#Look into my beautiful mind boy#Its a bit unusual to what i usually draw#but i had to push a specific look for this piece#hopefully you all are picking up on the corperate look . the advertisment look#Sneeze. Anyways my point is industry destroys creative people. This includes swan#I feel like phrases like these ; how he was put on a pedistal…. it lead him to be Like That#as awful as he is he desperately needed help#it might seem like vanity on the surface#but i think its… more than that#long story short: we need to destroy the beauty industry. the skincare industry. the anti-aging industry#It ruined his psyche forever and he cant let go of the ideal version of himself he will never truly be again#i dont think he can at this point. hes in too deep and hes suffering for it no matter how much he feels hes fixed his problems#he cant accept a version of himself that isnt that perfect young man. because he never confronted his problems. he just ran away#anyways . Hi swath *punches him**kicks him*#i dont care if nobody gets me lalalalla my truths and headcanons are awesome forever and i live in my own reality lallaallal#sorry i think im gonna be posting about swan alot for a few months hes making me sick#i wass gonna post this earlier but my internet was real bad#*lays down in my pile of pillows* eat up boys. haha#sidenote: drawing white blond people is horrifiying. Boy your skin and hair are the same color. Introduce some contrast to yourself. Please#adding on: its inportant to note this focuses on him looking st himself in the mirror alot on purpouse#to remind himself what he ‘’’’really’’’’ looks like#the 4 middle pannels all represent that too . u have to be in my brain ri get this#sorry for unleashijg another swan essay in my tags. will happen again lol
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On average, what is the total MONTHLY amount that you spend on dining out*?
*(This doesn't only count going out to restaurants, but also stuff like picking up fast food to bring home, getting a coffee on the way to work, getting a premade sandwich from a grocery store deli during lunch, buying a quick snack from a convenience store or food cart whilst walking somewhere, ordering a pizza or any other food to be delivered to your home, etc.)
*(If you often dine out in groups/as a household: calculate and divide the costs so that you get a Per Person average. This is for YOU individually, NOT the total household/group costs)
(I'm sure polls similar to this have been made before (very common topic), I just haven't personally seen one that I can remember, so, I was curious to do my own! I was discussing this with a group of people today and it was very interesting to see how widely the number varied between individuals. :0c )
(Reblog for bigger sample size if you can, and feel free to explain your answer in tags if there's anything extra to add!)
#polls#tumblr polls#I'm mostly in the 0/1 - 25$ category. Maybe the rare month is a bit over $25 if there's something specific going on like birthday.#Which I'm NEVER eating in an actual restaurant (erm... covid... plus I just hate restaurant environments. i would rather pickup#the food and bring it home to a peaceful quiet environment that I control lol). But more typically like stopping by a grocery store deli#section or something. I don't have coffee that much. And I can't eat fast food much due to my health issues/diet restriction stuff#so if I'm out like coming back from an appointment and I start feeling really sick and weak. I know that a hamburger will just#blow up my system and cause nausea or something. So I try to pick the breadiest most#neutral looking turkey sandwich at the safeway deli to eat during the hour ride home or whatever lol#I actually kind of wish I could do stuff like get food more often vecause it would take the burden of cooking everything off of me#but.. alas... Money... and Health Things... T o T#I still wouldn't do it ALL the time but like... once a week instead of once a month or something.. or maybe turning into a coffee#person.. I do love drinks A LOT .. i am a drink person who will have 5 different drinks sipping on at all times#But i just have to make them all myself mostly lol#And I cant really have too much coffee since it will make me sick. so like.. teas and juice mostly#When I inevitably become a millionaire by never using social media never networking and only finishing one#sculpture every 5 months which I dont even post about or sell - then I shall... get more drinks..#I will somehow wean my body onto coffee and drink one a day solely for the ritual of it#Though even then... I would still probably just like.. buy the mateirals to make it at home or something#Like if you had a million dollars you could just buy a kitchen grade ice cream machine and other stuff to make your own milkshakes and#coffees and smoothies and bubble teas. Genuinely I think even if I were a BILLIONAIRE I would still look at playing likr $8 for a single#coffee and go .. uh.... I could just buy the equipment to make this and then save that money. PLUS. its in my house now so no need to#have to leave. I can make my own drinks in the comfort of home. .. ideal..#Like no matter how rich I ever got I would still have the lingering scroogey stinginess. like i am NOT paying for that. I will jus#make it myself. Especially if it was an Everyday thing. Anythign thats part of my routine I try to optimize and make as efficient as#possible... ANYWAY.. In an IDEAL world I would get treats. but probably not that much. as on a daily basis it would start to get#to me and I would just save up to buy kitchen machinery if I was rich lol
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wanna know the rsl photo that haunts me most? yes you do its this one
why do u have a doohickey vest. put those toes away this is a conceal carry household. like this is unnecessary
#desire mona#media#truly can never get over this one like it follows me everywhere#going about my day and my brains like hey do you remember the fuckass vest. lets think about the fuckass vest#dont tell anyone but i do kinda fuck with the doohickey vest. like a little. in a vacuum its sick as hell#EDIT HIS PANTS ARE TOO LONG. RSL WEAR CLOTHES THAT FIT YOU CHALLENGE FAILED YET AGAIN!!!!!!#dead poets society#house md#robert sean leonard
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[wouldn't you?]
#isat#in stars and time#isat fanart#in stars and time fanart#twohats#twohats spoilers#isat spoilers#isat loop#isat siffrin#in stars and time loop#in stars and time siffrin#man i wonder if putting more tags helps reach or not. i'm genuinely uncertain#anyways! comic etc. have fun with it etc#do you regret letting go? do you regret killing your entire family? do you regret loving them? do you regret helping me? do you regret#i should probably get a tag for my art sometime but i'm lazyyyyy#siffrin and loop make me ill in the head. sick even#dasner art
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Certified DILF chaser
#by talos I will jump start this ship myself if I have to#only a handful of Chinese authors on ao3 get my freak#I thought you guys LIKED yaoi why tf did this take so long??#black myth wukong#sun wukong#destined one#jttw sun wukong#journey to the west#digital art#my art#you’re tellin me that the destined one has been training his whole life to chase after a MAN#okay faggotron9000#but also I can’t believe black myth made wukong such a DILF#like okay damnnn grandpa sun kill em#silver fox wukong real#Asian creators are truly the backbone of rarepair fandoms#I owe like 4 people my life#sun wukong x destined one#I am NOT drawin all his armor lol#guys it’s my bday reblog to spread the ship I can’t be the only one creating content for it or2#mamas sick a cookin o(-( ain’t nobody help me in this household#guys please the degradation kink go crazy in that boss fight
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You know what I love about the kiss? How fucking joyful it was. It was so light and so happy and so freeing.
The confession was so heavy and came at the last possible moment. Dorian was in his lower register, careful and eloquent. Orym had folded in on himself, shy and quiet. They have the weight of the world in their shoulders and they just needed a moment alone together. To say I love you. To let the other know. It all hinged on the moment before there was no going back.
But this. The kiss. It was after laughter and wedding planning and appreciating little things like lavender honey. Everyone was smiling. Everyone was feeling good. For whatever reason it didn't feel hopeless then. In that moment futures existed. Tomorrows existed. And Orym had one. Orym had a future and a tomorrow in Dorian.
Orym was so moved by all the happiness in the air that he confidently took Dorian by the hand to bring him out to the hall, told, then asked, him he was going to kiss him. All of Orym's fears melt away for ten whole seconds. Dorian stuttered and fumbled his words and kissed him back.
It was so cute. It was so joyous.
You know what it reminds me of? The stolen century. After Lup and Barry fall in love over years and years and they play this beautiful duet together. They lock eyes and smile at each other and steal away, running up the valley, away from it all. That moment of holding each other and just keep on not letting go.
The unrelenting giddiness of it all. The excitement. The glee. The promise of future. Wanting a future. Especially if it's together.
#silver sending stones#orym of the air ashari#dorian storm#cr spoilers#dorym#im crying a lot#lol my phone autocorrected a bit into a lot and like#yeah ill keep it#anyways.#theyre very soft#theyre very sweet#dorian's “ooooh shit yes” is the cutest thing?#and oryms “im gonna kiss you WAIT may i kiss you” is ehajrbkwjd#dont get me started on “oh i want”#DONT GET ME STARTED ON OH I WANT#because that has also done something to me#i know dorym has been very#first love (◕ᴗ◕✿)#inexperienced (◕ᴗ◕✿)#out of practice (◕ᴗ◕✿)#but the enthusiasm in his voice.#the “im ready to start my life” of it all#im ready to start my life with you#if i didnt already make an edit with dorian and dust & ashes id fucking make it now#someone please ask me about dorian and pierre parallels im dying over here#because dorian storm signing thats last “im ready” because he is ready to love and be loved#im sick#im making myself sick#i love them so much#im going to cry
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You know what? You know what I think?
I think that if we lived as we were meant to, in larger intimate ("extended family") groups and with more shared labor and time to do it (UBI NOW) people like me would not feel so useless and burdensome because there would be people around to help and to do what neurodivergent people can't while making valuable space for the neurodivergent to do what they ARE good at.
The way we live right now, all right, the way we live right now forces units of two adults to be able to do EVERYTHING or PAY to have someone come do it for them. I have to do the housework. I have to do it! But I am having to do a million different things and most of them I am not good at. I suck at them.
I wouldn't feel like shit, okay, if I had more than one other person around who was not a child and who could do the things I can't, like do the yard and cook and do repairs and basic maintenance; and someone else to split everything else that I like but is too much for me. It would free me to do what I am good at and enjoy. Cleaning, as in the sink and toilet, the windows, the blinds. Taking out trash. Folding, hanging, and sorting laundry.
But because all the shit I can do often relies on other shit being done first, and I can't do or have trouble doing those things, the shit I can do often can't be done. And even the shit I can do, I can't do ALL of it. So I can't keep up, and things get very bad.
We aren't meant to live like this. We are not meant to live like this.
That thought hurts so much because being able to flee the birth family is integral to survival for so many people. I'm so afraid that living in larger family groups would create more opportunities for, say, queer kids to be isolated, rejected, bullied, and abused. But if we gave people enough money to survive, and stopped considering children the property of their parents with no system in place to help them escape bad situations except a system that is often just as bad, just different.
I'm aware that communes and collectives aren't all that successful and are kind of a joke. I don't mean that. I mean a fundamental shift to multigenerational families where taking in "strays" (which my family did) is also normalized so people escaping abuse into existing households was accepted, with these families centered in maybe a couple of different larger residences so not everyone has to buy and maintain their own fucking washing machine and vacuum cleaner, and so people can benefit from large group meals that yield leftovers, and so child and elder care can also be centralized.
Then disabled people and the neurodivergent and sick and injured people, and pregnant people, and grieving people, would not have to either labor through all those stressors or consign themselves to living off an unlivable pittance or being put under legal guardianship.
I'm not saying anything new. People live like this in other parts of the world and maybe it sucks and I am wrong. But I'm just really mad right now because I can either do laundry or clean the sink but not both, and I really think we could improve society somewhat by making it so I did not have to choose one without sacrificing the other.
#im feverish feeling (not a real fever just malaise that i have no other way to describe) from the IBS (which can affect you like that#)#and i don't actually want to do ANYTHING#i would have to even living with others but it would be easier#at the very least i wouldn't have had to clean the microwave earlier which is hard because my arms are like the size of a meerkat's#and i can only reach the back with my fingertips#where is my BF in all this?#WORKING FULL TIME WITH BACK PAIN#yes i AM going to want him to have to do as little as possible when he comes home#he's neurodivergent too and struggles with the same shit#it's all a mess#we are doing way better i didn't realize how deep a drain three very sick cats were#but there's still only two of us#if you are disabled physically OR MENTALLY you should at least get in-home household help once a week or so#there's places that do that but the limitations are usually severe and always rule me out#because im not single im not an elder im not a veteran and im not physically disabled#if we have to ration that sort of thing i can see how on the whole it is more caring to allocate those resources to for example elders#but the fact that i celebrate what help there is doesn't mean i don't get mad that more people can't access it#is2g if i was functional enough snd physically sound enough i would start a charity that did intervention cleaning for people like us#who have fallen behind and can't catch up but can MAINTAIN#and who helped people clean for a few months during and after an illness pregnancy trauma major loss etc. so they could stay on their feet
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