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herefortheships · 30 days ago

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Here it is! My first fanfic in over TEN years! This fic is for today's Destiel fandom event Electric Boogaloo, hosted by @blanketforcas in celebration of the anniversary of the Latam dub giving us canon reciprocal Destiel.

The theme of the event is reciprocation, and that is the theme of my little fic. I hope you like it!

(I wanted to also share this to AO3 and contribute to the over 100,000 Destiel fanworks, but I haven't gotten my invitation yet! So this will go over there eventually.)

Word count: 1,778 words

No warnings of any kind. I think it's a sweet kind of story.

Short summary: Dean sits down to write a letter for Cas with all the things he didn't get to say.

Felicidades a Dean y Castiel en este aniversario. Siempre quiero recordar la alegría (y el DOLOR de ALMA lol) que estos dos me han dado desde el 2012 hasta el día de hoy. Los amo. 😊✨

(Congratulations to Dean and Castiel in this anniversary. I always wat to remember the joy (and the PAIN of my SOUL lol) these two have given me since 2012 until today. I love them. 😊)

💚💙💚💙💚💙💚💙💚💙💚💙💚💙💚💙💚💙

The words he never said

A short fic by Here for the Ships (Des 💚)

Dean Winchester sat at his desk with nothing but a pencil, a sheet of paper, and a bottle of booze. Sam was out in an early morning run with the dog, so Dean was alone with some time to kill and some thoughts to finally drag out of his head and smother away with this one sheet of paper. It had been over two months, now, since he had been forced to part ways with Cas; since his entire world had been turned inside-out and upside-down.

He wasn’t sure if he had processed everything; from the loss of Cas, to defeating Chuck (aka the God), to living in a world where his new God had been a surrogate son to him only a couple of months ago.

The events of those days played often in his mind, when he found himself alone; they paraded in his dreams as he tried to sleep at night… The grief of what was lost had become a constant companion, peering through any moment of peace in the most unexpected ways. A song suddenly playing in the radio, a scent attached to a moment he would never get back.

Dean had considered taking it on as his one mission in life, hunting down the Empty and getting Cas back. But no. He had learned it well and deep by now, that revenge never resulted in anything good. Plus, he’d had enough of dealing with supernatural beings with ineffable, omnipotent powers. Chuck was the final Big Fish he took down, and he was good with that.

Dean took a look at the bottle of room-temperature beer for a few seconds, and he pushed it back on his desk instead of taking a sip this time. It’d hurt, but these words needed to be said. Or at least, he needed them out of his head and stored somewhere else.

“Well, Cas… These are the things I never said…” he said to himself, picked up the pencil, and got to writing:

Last night I prayed to Jack, again… And Cas, buddy, you know how much I hate having to do that. But I had to. You know, I thought I had accepted it, that I was over it. You did what you had to do, and I did what I had to do… We were all doing what we thought was right. But it just keeps playing over and over, and over in my head.

Cas, what the hell were you thinking? I’m not one for judging… I’ve done my share of stupid things, too. For love, for not wanting to be left alone… But Cas, how could you do this to me? I know it sounds fucking selfish, because you’re gone, and because of that we’re all safe and your sacrifice wasn’t it vain—it was never in vain, I really hope you know that. But Cas, now I have to live knowing that you’re gone because you loved me. You loved me. You said all those things about me, I can scarcely remember all of it (trust me, I’m kicking myself about it every freaking day), but I can feel it, everything. I can feel every damned word, every damned day.

Just so you know, because of you… Because of you I could see more in me. Because of you I could see myself differently than I ever did before. Man, I wish I wasn’t so bad with this… That I could put into words just what that all meant to me, what it means to me.

You said all those things about me, and I didn’t get to say anything. And yeah, just like I’ve prayed to you, hoping you could hear what I had to say, I’ve also prayed to Jack. I’ve prayed almost every single night for him to get you out of that place; for him to set things right… But I haven’t heard a word from Jack, and I haven’t seen a flutter of angel wings anywhere; nothing to connect me to Heaven, nothing to give me a clue on what to do….

Every night, the scene of your death plays inside my head, like a freaking movie I can’t look away from no matter how much I want. And in my head, I always stop it from happening. In my head we face the Empty together and we win. We always win.

Dean stopped for a moment, gathering his thoughts, wondering if writing this would be enough.

I think I took it for granted, that we always win. I think at some point I felt invincible. You know, you and me, and Sam, we’ve taken some pretty Big Fish. I think something inside me always felt like we’d always win, that we’d always come back to the bunker together and share some beers. I think something inside me always believed that, even though I didn’t fully realize it. Looking back now, I see it. Cas, when you said those words to me, I froze. And it took me a while, you know? To understand what really happened. That I was your happiness.

“No, I don’t think I should put it like that…”

That I was your happiness. That just letting me know how you felt about me was enough to make you truly happy. Enough to make the Empty come and take you. But Cas, now I have to live with that knowledge and it’s driving me fucking crazy, because… Alright, I’m not good with words, and I’m sure by now you know that about me, Cas, but I just wanted you to know, I needed you to know

Dean sat back and sighed a long sigh, staring at the page like it was staring right back at him, somehow shaming him, even though there was no one here to read over his shoulder. “I can’t even write the motherfukin’ words.”

There was no time to finish this now, anyway. He’d heard the door a few minutes ago: Sam was back, and he should be in the shower now. There was a case they were driving up to today, and he’d already made up his mind: it would be his last. He was officially retiring after today (not that he’d told Sam anything about that yet, but… he’d figure out how to say it on the way back).

They were supposed to leave after breakfast for a whole day of driving.

Chuck was defeated and Jack had vanished, having become the new God (that was still crazy to think about). There were no immediate world-ending threats and no more infinitely powerful surrogate son to take care of anymore. He was done hunting. If Cas was truly gone forever, then he’d honor his sacrifice by living the best possible life he could live. And that life, however he looked at it… That life didn’t include hunting. Not anymore.

Dean sat down to tie his boots, and as he did, a second pair of boots appeared right in front of him. “Man, that was fast. I didn’t even hear the damned door just now. You’re gonna have to give me a break, Sammy.” But when he raised his gaze, he found himself looking at Jack, standing there with a small smile.

The color drained out of Dean’s face. For a moment, he could only stare at Jack, wondering if he was imagining it.

“Hello, Dean. You’ve been okay?” Jack said, sounding a little timid, to which Dean replied, “Yeah… I’m fine, no thanks to you… Almost gave this old man a heart attack…” Dean joked, a little breathless, and God or not, this was Jack, so he pulled him into a hug. “Come here. How’ve you been? It’s so good to see you…”

“I’ve been good,” Jack said, and he pulled away. “There’s someone else who’s been wanting to see you." Jack beamed. "Believe me, it took me a while to negotiate (you won’t be surprised to know, not even God is entirely all powerful), but I finally did it…”

And that was when Dean felt it, the powerful presence behind him.

He could do nothing but stand there as the realization of what Jack meant dawned on him, until the words broke him out of the spell, “Hello, Dean.”

Dean turned around, and there he saw…

“Cas…”

Castiel was standing there, right in front of his bed. He was fully restored; Dean didn’t need to see a shadow of his wings to know this was Cas in his full angelic power, safe and alive and standing right there in his bedroom. “But… how?”

“We heard your prayers,” Jack said, “and Cas didn’t belong in the Empty. I had to right a wrong.”

“You damn well had to…” said Dean, still staring at Cas. “Jack…” He finally turned back to thank him—to say anything—but Jack was gone.

“Dean… I’m so sorry…” Cas said. “I should’ve—”

“What are you talking about, man… You’re back… That’s all that matters.”

“I owe it all to Jack. He is everything I hoped he would become,” Cas said, and he smiled.

And then, there was silence. Even though Dean had been writing a long letter just moments ago, full of all the things he wished he could have said to Cas that day, here was Cas in the flesh right now—his Cas—and not a single word would form.

So Dean just pulled Cas into a hug and squeezed him tight, breathing him in.

“I’m sorry it all happened so abruptly; I wish I could—” Cas started.

“I don’t care. Cas… I don’t care.” Dean pulled back from the hug, staring Cas straight in the face with his hands still on his arms. “All I care is that you’re here.”

Cas looked sad, or perhaps, conflicted. “Dean… I know… What I said before…” he started, but Dean stopped him again.

“Cas… If you heard me just now… If you’ve heard my prayers, to you, to Jack… Then you know. But still… I feel like I should say something.”

“Dean… You really don’t have to—”

“But I’m not good at saying something, so…” he pulled Cas into a kiss. It was warm and tender, and salty with the tears that had finally pushed their way out. Cas kissed him right back, and when they stopped, they stood there sharing each other’s breath, with their lips just an inch away from another kiss.

“I think that should be enough of an answer… But if it wasn’t, Cas…” Dean smiled, a small, trembling smile, and it was almost a whisper when he said, “I love you, too.”

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basil-thoth · 7 months ago

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Page 19: told you you’d be fine

Previous: Page 18 Next: Page 20 Masterpost here

Transcript under cut:

Panel 1: [Blank panel]

Gaster: Are you awake?

2-P: NNGH… WHAT HAPPENED? WHY CAN’T I SEE…?

Gaster: The magic overflowed into your other socket during the procedure.

Panel 2: [Flash back: 2-P is in the chair, his spine arched in presumably pain, while dazzling green and yellow lights and energy pour from his eyesockets around and above his skull in an incredible display. Gaster watches from a few feet away, writing down notes on a clipboard.]

Gaster: It was a rather spectacular light show, actually.

2-P: D… DOES THAT MEAN-

Gaster: You are not blind, if that’s what you’re afraid of.

Panel 3: [2-P is sitting up in a bed, the covers around his waist, and bandages are wrapped tightly around his skull, covering his eyesockets.]

Gaster: You can’t see because of the bandages. It will probably take you a day or two for you to recover.

Panel 4: [Gaster sets down a blue mug on the nightstand next to the bed that is on 2-P’s left. He sits in a chair, his right leg crossed over the left, and is resting a clipboard there, possibly to take notes while monitoring 2-P’s recovery. 2-P faces the direction of Gaster’s voice.]

2-P: DOES… THAT MEAN I CAN STILL GLOW…?

Panel 5: [Gaster writes a few notes on the clipboard.]

Gaster: …Yes, it shouldn’t have affected that ability in any way.

Panel 6: [2-P tilts his head slightly.]

2-P: THEN… WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?

Panel 7: [Gaster looks down at his notes.]

Gaster: …When the bandages are off, and your eyes have healed…

Panel 8: [Gaster looks back up at 2-P.]

Gaster: you will see.

Panel 9: [2-P tilts his head again.]

2-P: SEE…? YOU MEAN, BECAUSE MY EYES WILL BE OPEN?

Panel 10: [Gaster stands up from the chair and extends his hand forward, using blue magic to levitate 2-P out of the bed. The clipboard is in his other hand.]

Gaster: In a sense. Come on.

Panel 11: [Gaster brings his hand in front of himself, using the blue magic to help steady 2-P to his feet.]

Gaster: If you’re awake, then you can go back to your cell, Subject 1 can keep an eye on you. I have to get back to work.

Panel 12: [Gaster summons a blue hand to carry the clipboard as he begins to guide 2-P back to the cell. 2-P blindly puts his hands forward, trying to feel his way along.]

2-P: UH… YOU AREN’T GOING TO CARRY ME? BECAUSE, I CAN’T REALLY SEE…

Gaster: … I’ve….

Panel 13: [Flash back: 2-P is unconscious and in the bed, his eyes yet to be bandaged. Gaster is sitting above him, a hand each placed on 2-P’s forehead and chest, both hands enveloped in bright green healing aura.]

Panel 14: [Flash back, continued: Gaster looks at his hands, as if his healing was not as effective as he’d expected it to be.]

Panel 15: [Gaster looks away, as if self-conscious. Not that 2-P could see it anyways.]

Gaster: expended a lot of magical energy lately. I’m tired. You can walk.

Panel 16: [Gaster looks back, only to realise 2-P is lagging behind. 2-P’s arms are still up.]

2-P: UM…

Panel 17: [Gaster instinctively reaches for 2-P’s outreached arm…]

Panel 18: [But instead draws away at the last second.]

Panel 19: [Gaster grabs 2-P’s wrist, and guides it to his sleeve, just above the elbow. 2-P looks mildly surprised but appreciative of the gesture.]

Gaster: Here. Hold onto m- this.

Panel 20: [Gaster guides 2-P through the hallways, though 2-P has moved his grip down to just above Gaster’s cuff. Gaster does not correct this.]

2-P: … CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING?

Gaster: …

2-P: YOU SAID, BEFORE, THAT YOU WEREN’T GOING TO MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE AGAIN.

Gaster: Yes, and I did not. You will be able to see just fine.

2-P: BUT, THAT MEANS YOU HURT MY BROTHER BY MISTAKE, DOESN’T IT? THAT YOU DIDN’T MEAN TO?

Gaster: …Breaking his eye was not in my plans, no.

Panel 21: [Gaster continues leading 2-P]

2-P: SO… YOU DIDN’T WANT TO HURT HIM.

Gaster: …Subject 1 is too delicate to hurt carelessly.

Panel 22: [Still holding on to Gaster’s sleeve, 2-P presses a hand to his chest in relief.]

2-P: SO, DOES THAT MEAN YOU WON’T HURT US ANYMORE? OH, THAT’S SUCH A RELIEF! I KNEW-

Gaster: I will do

Panel 23: [Gaster turns abruptly, and 2-P shrinks back slightly.]

Gaster: what I have to.

Panel 24: [Gaster turns back ahead. 2-P is quiet.]

Gaster: …And what people need me to. If that requires hurting either of you, then so be it. I will see this through to the end.

Panel 25: [Gaster puts his head down just a bit.]

Gaster: It’s already too late to turn back.

Panel 26: [2-P looks up at Gaster, who has already continued walking.]

2-P: BUT… ISN’T THERE SOME OTHER WAY? MAYBE WE CAN HELP YOU… IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS. YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS.

Panel 27: [Gaster suddenly pulls his arm away from 2-P, again thrusting him into guidelines blindness. Gaster seems almost defensive.]

Gaster: If you want to help me, you will be silent and obedient.

Panel 28: [2-P helplessly faces Gaster, his arms up once again up to make sure he won’t run into walls. Gaster just stares at him.}

Panel 29: [Gaster summons a blue hand and uses it to grab 2-P by the wrist before continuing to lead him on.]

Gaster: … I don’t have time for this.

Panel 30: [2-P looks up at Gaster, his hand still resting on his chest.]

2-P: DO YOU… HATE US?

Panel 31: [Gaster contemplates silently. In the back of his head, he holds a visual of a completely different outcome: One that involves giving the brothers actual clothes and names. One where he holds 1-S in his lap, and 2-P sits in front of them as they review notes. Notes that don’t involve hurting either of them.]

Panel 32: [Gaster shakes the thought and looks forward.]

Gaster: …I don’t feel anything for you.

Panel 33: [Gaster continues leading 2-P along the corridors.]

2-P: …I’M GOING TO TELL MY BROTHER YOU DID IT BY ACCIDENT. I’M GOING TO TELL HIM YOU DIDN’T MEAN TO HURT HIM.

Panel 34: [Gaster pulls 2-P along less than gently, causing him to stumble for a moment.]

Gaster: …Tell him whatever you like. Come on. Panel 35: [Gaster refuses to speak anymore. 2-P moves looks back for a moment despite the bandages.]

[Previous] [Next]

Hey, Gaster was right, Papyrus is fine! For now, anyway.

One of the first times that Papyrus tries to reason with him but definitely not the last. He never stops trying to get through to him, no matter how hopeless it seems. This is also when Gaster begins to realize what’s happening to his ability to heal. So many chances to turn back, and yet…

[Index]

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