#yet i am completely reliant on him

[immortalsins]

im so so tired jsjdhbj an engineering employers panel just scared me half to death with their startups and innovation and investment and passion commitment linkedin networking etc etc etc i hate it here

[sick-as-a-dog]

×

[echoofadream]

Thinking about big strong men who could easily overpower me, who could easily harm me or use me however they want. But who start trembling once I raise my voice at them. Falling to their knees, desperately clinging to my clothes, begging to be told what they did wrong so that they could make it up to me.

They take up more than half the bed yet they wanna be babied, taken care of. Tell them how pathetic they look begging for affection, begging to suck on your tits and have their hair played with while their pants get tighter before you even get to take your bra off. Aren't they so cute when they struggle to sit on your lap? "Mommy please I know I'm heavy but I need it please please please"

Completely and utterly at your mercy. And unbelievably shameless. "Mhm please...stuff my mouth! I need to suck on something! Anything please!"

They don't leave your side. Scary dog privilege my ass. No one messes with you when they see him walking behind you on the streets but what they don't see is the way his legs are shaking, the way his ass is clenching around that vibrating butt plug. And that's not even a punishment, he begged for it! Begging to be used at all times. Can you even refuse him when he's so fucking polite? Make him beg even harder for the small pathetic ounce of stimulation he wants when he's already on the floor sobbing like it's the end of the world just because it hurts how hard he is for you at all times. He craves it. Relief, a brief touch, anything to make the tantalizing ache go away. But his mind is so messy he doesn't even know if he wants to cum till nothing comes out of his abused cock or if he wants to be edged to the point he starts speaking unintelligible nonsense.

"Mhm~ don't know! Do something pleaseee! You know I...ahh I need something please..."

"What is it, sweet thing? Use your words. How can mommy help her puppy hm?"

"Nhg~ don't knoowww mommy...need you...lots...want yes want...mommy!"

And you laugh at him. The whole situation is just so fucking funny, yet it melts your heart at the same time. Seeing how reliant he is on you. Seeing how vulnerable he allows himself to become in front of you. The level of trust that takes.

And you wipe away his tears and kiss his lips gently, taking care of your pretty boy to the best of your abilities. Making him feel so good.

And he thanks you over and over again. "Mommy thank you! I love you! Love you love you love you soo much! What can I do for you, mommy? Wanna make mommy feel good, please!"

He'd gladly do whatever you say. "You want me to eat you out? Yes yes yes! Mommy tastes so good! Hold my face and fuck it! Fuck my mouth please! Please...." Even better if you want his fingers inside you since his cock is already too sensitive for your soft and warm walls to wrap around. He'll worship your pussy as well as he can. Long thick fingers curling just right inside you, his soft skin intensifying the pleasure he was giving you. "Am I doing it right, mommy? Am I a good boy? Mhm~ mommy does it feel good here?" And it does. He's a good boy and his yours. Your good boy.

[erwinsvow]

rafe looks even cuter when he's asleep.

you don't know how the thought has never crossed your mind up until now—it's so alarmingly obvious to you right now. you stare—a bit stalkerish, even for you—but that doesn't deter you at all. you watch his chest rise and fall with each breath, the way he's completely crazy, sleeping firm on his back with one arm on your waist and the other tucked behind his head.

maybe rafe seems even cuter just because he's escaping all the stress of his real life right now—firmly asleep with hopefully nothing but nice dreams about you. and as much as you try to avoid it, you are the primary cause of all of rafe's stress. he worries about you from dawn to dusk, even when you try to convince him there's nothing to be worried about.

it's become something of a habit for him—taking care of you, making sure you're okay, even when he's not around. and you—well, you've gotten quite reliant on it. on him. you're not positive—but you think rafe likes it.

even now, on the verge of waking him up because you can't sleep, you hope he doesn't get mad. it doesn't stop you though.

"rafe," you whisper, pushing his arm softly, and then a little harder. "rafe. rafe."

he groans, eyes still shut. the third push has him blinking, staring up at the ceiling and getting his bearings.

"what time is it?" he slurs, clearly still half-asleep. "still dark, kid, go back to bed-"

"i can't sleep," you say a little too quickly, your restlessness presenting itself quite clearly. "please. i don't know why. i'm scared."

rafe closes his eyes, but then opens again, no matter how hard it is to stay awake right now. he sits up a little, propping his back against his headboard. when he turns to look at you, he doesn't feel so tired anymore.

you look really awake, like you haven't had an ounce of rest since the two of you went to bed hours ago. fiddling with the straps of your nightgown, you look up at him the way you always do—like rafe can solve any one of your problems in a minute.

and he likes it. rafe doesn't even try and hide it anymore—he loves it and loves that about you.

"what're you scared of, huh?" he asks, voice still thick with sleep. you breath in and out, trying to figure out how to explain.

"i dunno. i just am."

"okay," rafe says quietly. he closes his eyes for a few moments and then opens again. your lips curl into a pout automatically—you feel bad for waking him up. "how can i help?"

"i don't know that either. i just want to feel close to you."

"m'right here, kid-" rafe extends an arm around you, bringing you into his chest. you curl up against him like you always do, breathing in the scent of his skin and the warmth from where his hand rubs your back. but it's still not enough.

"i want to be even closer," you murmur, feeling a little more tired but not nearly enough to actually fall asleep.

"how d'you suppose i do that, hm?" you look up at your boyfriend—cuter still with his eyes closed like this.

"can't you just.." feeling surprisingly bold—probably from how wired yet exhausted you currently are—you sneak a hand over rafe's pajama shots, pressing your hand down until-

"jesus, kid. gimme some warning, huh-"

"what? you said you're 'never too tired for that', remember?"

"well, i lied. c'mon baby, just go to bed, i'll fuck you first thing in the morning."

"hmpf," you scoff, turning around and taking much of rafe's comforter with you. you don't have to see rafe to know what's going on—he's rolling his eyes and sitting up, probably has his head in his hands for a moment.

"jesus, kid. you're gonna kill me. c'mere," rafe says, turning you back around to face him with just one hand. your body flops next to him, staring up at rafe, seeing what he'll do next.

"we don't have to do it," you finally say, watching rafe move around in the sheets for a few moments. "can't you just... put it inside?"

"sure i can. c'mon," he says, and you climb onto rafe's lap as swiftly as you can. it doesn't take much—he slides up your nightie with one hand and pulls down his shorts with the other. you feel rafe prodding at your tight hole when he grabs at your tits, letting the skirt of your sleepwear fall back down.

"you just said-" rafe cuts you off.

"still gotta wake him up, remember?" you roll your eyes but they end up rolling all the way back. rafe slides in quickly—you almost fall onto his chest at the feeling.

incredibly full, realizing this is exactly what you needed, you let yourself curl back up against him. rafe's saying something quietly to you, one of his hands firm on your ass and the other on your back, but you can't even hear him.

"thank you rafey," you murmur, interrupting him without even realizing. "this is what i needed." rafe presses a kiss to your hair and you fall asleep before you even hear him whisper back.

[ziorite]

which fucking queer sat down in the writer’s room for leverage and wrote the rundown job huh ??? HUH ???

why is hardison fist bumping his “best friend” about how hot his girlfriend is ?? why is eliot grabbing hardison by the back of neck, pulling him in with the most intense stare ever, and then doing the verbal praise equivalent of making out with him ??? eliot is an obviously traumatized self reliant prickly bastard, and yet he decides to throw away his crutches and completely rely on the other two for support ???

god take me now. leverage writers had absolutely zero business drenching this episode with all this polyamorous energy in the year of our lord 2012– hell gay marriage wasn’t even federally legal yet. they knew exactly what the fuck they were doing and i am kissing them on the mouth for it.

[skania]

OnK 153 or all the ways I can tie this back to Akane and Aquakane

I won't try and write any theories about the Revenge Plot™ because, like I always say, Aka will just do whatever he wants however he wants to do it 😂

As the Akane Fan that I am though, I must say that a lot of what Kamiki said this chapter felt like it could've been said by Aqua after Chapter 97 if Akane hadn't caught onto it. So that's what I'll be focusing on below!

I am SO glad we're getting a flashback from the actual Kamiki rather than from Aqua's movie. I'm sure that Ai's feelings were portrayed more accurately in the movie than in Kamiki's self-loathing, skewed view — but it's still nice that we will get to hear Kamiki's thoughts straight from the source.

But that's the first key thing here, I feel: Kamiki's self-loathing. The way he talks about himself and of his relationship with Ai, completely downplaying Ai's side of the equation to make it sound like he was the one one-sidedly clinging to her reminds me a whole lot of Aqua with Akane.

Kamiki felt like he was the only one relying on Ai because he is convinced that Ai never loved him. Similarly, we once saw Aqua feeling guilty for relying on Akane and questioning whether or not she even harbored any romantic feelings towards him.

Granted, Aqua is the one who breaks up with Akane (to protect her), while Ai is the one who "dumps" Kamiki (for unknown reasons). But... all of the things Kamiki says here feel like things Aqua could've said about Akane if she had allowed things to get to that point.

After all, Aqua tried very, very hard to shoulder his burden on his own, but as of Chapter 97 he was breaking under it. Meanwhile, here Kamiki was breaking under it and keeping himself together thanks to Ai and Ai alone.

Kamiki hasn't put it into such words yet, but it's very obvious here that he felt saved by Ai and by his connection with her. Just like Aqua felt saved by Akane.

Even the way Kamiki talks about the burden he carries automatically evokes Aqua/Akane because... that's exactly how Akane has always referred to what Aqua was going through. As a burden that he was trying very hard to shoulder alone, one she wanted to help him carry.

@meruk0 in the Akane server even pointed out that these two panels are framed very similarly, so I wouldn't be surprised if Ai once said the same words — or something close to them — to Kamiki.

The ingredients were all there. So it feels like in Chapter 97, Aqua was well on his way to grow as emotionally dependent on Akane as Kamiki was on Ai. Thankfully, Akane realized it and gently encouraged Aqua to make his own choices, reminding him that if they were to grow dependant on each other, it wouldn't be a healthy relationship.

In all honesty, I can't help but wonder if Ai unceremoniously dumping Kamiki may have been her very, very clumsy way of trying to protect him from being so emotionally reliant on her (if Ai couldn't even be sure that she loved him, I could see her fearing that staying with Kamiki may eventually break him). It's hard to say because we have sadly gotten very little insight into the real Ai and into her relationship with Kamiki, but if Aka pulls that, then that would confirm that all of these parallels are very much intentional.

Regardless of Aka's intentions and of where this may be leading though, it's very very hard to read this and not notice that this chapter contrasts two different kinds of romantic attachment. Those based on superficial aspects like the person's looks, and those based on deeper things like feeling understood and seen by that person. And like I've been saying over and over again, it's also kind of very very hard to not contrast the way Aka has been writing Aqua and Kan@ with the way he wrote Aqua and Akane. But I digress!

One possibly plot-related thing that caught my eye though was the color of Kamiki's stars.

They were white before Kindaichi's words triggered his trauma and changed his view of the world into something much more suffocating, and then they become black and seemingly stay that way. His stars were black during the break-up and he kept talking about wanting Ai to help him carry the burden, so when exactly did he and Ai actually stop seeing each other? Because I believe most of us have been assuming that Ai and Kamiki were already over by the time the twins were born, but they were already born when that funeral took place.

Oh well, no point thinking too hard about it since Aka may answer that next week 😂

All in all, the anon who called that Kamiki/Ai would have parallels to Aqua/Akane exactly a year ago may have been right on the money. I hope you see this, anon!!

[miyamiwu]

Initially, what made Blue Lock great was its concept of ego. It was fresh and never before discussed at length in a sports manga. The story also clearly presented a theory—“Individualism, and not collectivism, is what’s needed for the Japan football team to win”—and then slowly elaborated on that theory until it finally proved it true in the U20 arc.

The manga could’ve ended right after the U20 match and just leave the World Cup happenings to the reader’s imagination, but it didn’t. Instead, it sought to put the Blue Lock Philosophy against different philosophies all over the world in the NEL arc.

This is a bold and exciting move, but now the position of the Blue Lock Philosophy being Correct is constantly challenged. And with each match they play, believing Blue Lock to be the right way is getting harder and harder.

Snuffy is right. Ego alone won’t get you anywhere.

On the world stage, where all the top players are egoistic, you need to have more than just ego in order to win.

Isagi gaining metavision was a good writing choice because it elevated him to the levels of pros…but then it turned out that many of these pros have metavision as well.

When ego and metavision aren���t unique, then that leaves actual physical skills to be the deciding factor on whether you gain an advantage on the field.

And Isagi… is not the best player physically. He never was.

And that’s fine! He doesn’t have to be talented in that regard in order to compete… but the thing is, we also haven’t seem him doing any focused training on his physical skills. And I don’t mean regular Blue Lock hell training because everybody does that. I’m talking about Isagi picking one weakness he has and just focusing on improving it. He doesn’t have to be the best in it, but there should be some effort.

He’s not so good at one-on-one’s, so maybe he can work on his dribbling. Or maybe he can practice how to trap the ball better so he’ll have more shooting options and not be overly reliant on his direct shot. Or maybe he can do some strength/core training so he won’t be easily knocked away by Rin again. Anything!

But so far, there’s been none of that in the NEL arc. (He did practice on a “lefty shot” before, but that turned out to be a hoax and it was also never mentioned again after the Ubers match.)

And it’s funny because Isagi has no excuse to not do this.

Kaiser, whose kick speed already surpasses Noa’s, had the time to come up with a new shooting technique. He’s also a Talented Learner like Isagi, so if he can do it, why can’t our protagonist?

I’m all for Talented Learners winning against Geniuses through hard work because that’s objectively a good message to send… but there hasn’t been any hard work. It’s all just ego mind games right now. Isagi winning in such a scenario would be unfair and idealistic.

----

I’m gonna be honest with y’all, I’m very worried about how the BM vs PxG match will turn out. Blue Lock was what got me back to Tumblr and also what kept me alive through the depressive pandemic years. If the game ends with yet another Isagi win, I am going to be extremely disappointed because that would mean that the manga had completely turned into a powerscaling fantasy.

(If Ness manages to get any development in this match in spite of that, then I might still wanna stick around. But with only 2 chapters left to the end of the volume, hope is starting to feel elusive 😞)

But yeah… if Isagi wins (and there’s no Ness development as consolation), then I might just drop the manga 😞

[progg]

Chapter 402 Thoughts

Here are my thoughts on Chapter 402 of Hunter x Hunter, “Letter”.

Salkov

Salkov has been able to use Nen since birth. Given the discussion in the previous chapter, this all but confirms that he is one of the “strong curse sacrifices” and Beyond’s son.

Halkenburg’s Illness

On Day 10, Balsamilco describes his plan to poison Halkenburg.

At 8:50 AM on Day 11, Melody reveals that Halkenburg has fallen ill. This could be the result of Balsamilco’s poison.

The Plan to Assassinate Luzurus

Kacho discusses assassinating Luzurus with a disturbing lack of empathy.

I felt a bit uncomfortable reading this!

Melody doesn’t flinch, though she expressed discomfort with assassination in Chapter 400. 

Another relevant scene is Oito’s reaction to Momoze’s death in Chapter 368, where she criticizes Babimayna and Kurapika for their lack of empathy in the Succession War.

Despite the grisly discussion about assassinating Luzurus, the prince is portrayed mostly positively in this chapter. He is absolved of blame for Fugetsu’s condition and shows sympathy for Kacho’s death.

In Chapter 362, Nasubi claims Spirit Beasts “cannot directly attack” other people with Spirit Beasts. However, the traps laid by his Spirit Beast may qualify as “indirect attacks”. It’s unclear.

Luzurus also expressed admirable views on rehabilitation to Basho in Chapter 366. Meanwhile, Kaiser is planning to make it look like he overdosed, which—when you think about it—is extremely dark.

On a side note, it seems Kacho was successful in convincing Fugetsu that everyone else mistakenly thinks she is dead—a plan she laid out in Chapter 400:

Covering Up the Truth

In my previous breakdown, I mentioned how I often reference the seemingly unimportant panel of Cheadle talking about the Silent Revolution. Another panel I bring up a lot is this one with Steiner and the IPA Director:

This panel sets up a major theme in the Succession Arc about valuing peace over truth. There are undoubtedly strategic reasons for keeping Luzurus and Halkenburg’s deaths under wraps, but I still believe the Succession War is going to eventually be completely covered up. Kaiser and Balsamilco’s plans echo this theme, as well as Kacho’s plan to conceal her death from Fugetsu.

Benjamin and Balsamilco

I once saw someone liken Benjamin’s character to the phrase “a ship with no compass gets lost at sea.” I think this is a pretty good description of what will happen to Benjamin. Benjamin, while powerful, is heavily reliant on others to steer him in the right direction. Balsamilco says as much:

In this chapter, we receive yet another reminder of how the soldiers around Benjamin elevate him. Kaiser believes he was only able to extract information from Benjamin because Balsamilco wasn’t present.

Kacho’s Letter

The contents of Kacho’s letter (really Kaiser’s) seem extremely important. We get some description about the contents from Luzurus and Melody.

Summarized:

Benjamin has some kind of secret that Luzurus thinks will ‘milk his tears’ and buy Fugetsu’s protection.

Luzurus and Tserriednich are ‘snakes’ and have ‘dirt’ (we already knew this, to an extent).

There is something that Halkenburg can ‘use’ (possibly to exonerate himself).

There is a secret regarding Halkenburg’s birth (I don’t think it's being Beyond’s child).

More information that shakes up the Succession itself (this could include Zhang Lei’s parentage)

It seem each prince’s letter contained different information, while Halkenburg’s and Kurapika’s contained all of it.

Basho

The dark spirits following Fugetsu flee at the sight of Benjamin and his Spirit Beast.

In a cool moment, the spirits also flee from Basho.

This could be because of the good luck charm, but I think it may also be a testament to Basho’s strength and character.

[atzjieun]

field trips

summary | mingi takes jieun on a field trip after finding her awake in the middle of the night  

circa | june 2019 

contains | 1.7k words, kinda serious talks about life, jieun hurts mingi’s soul (/ns it’ll make sense later) mentions of sleeping pills and their side-effects

note | its the way this was originally planned to be just a comedy/fluff scenario but i enjoy hurt/comfort a bit too much </3 i love my ssongz

Mingi opened the door to the apartment, careful to avoid any sudden movements as he slipped through the gap.  It wasn’t uncommon for the boy to get home late, especially after writing sessions in the studio where time moved at a completely different pace. Still, he wanted to be mindful of his teammates’ resting time, which meant practically tiptoeing through the dorm in the middle of the night. 

However, as Mingi took off his shoes and made his way to his room, he was stopped by the sight of Jieun, who was walking in circles around the living room.

“Jeez, Eunnie. What are you still doing up?” Mingi glanced at the clock on the wall. 3:30 am. 

The girl stopped in her tracks, staring at him with wide eyes reminiscent of a deer in headlights. Immediately afterwards, Jieun averted her gaze and gave a small shrug. 

“I don’t know. Couldn’t sleep, I guess.” Mingi’s eyebrows furrowed as she looked down, eyes suddenly glued to her hands.

“Did you take your medication?” 

Jieun froze, hesitating for a few seconds before eventually shaking her head.

“I don’t want to become so reliant on it,” she answered quietly after some time. “And it’s making me so sluggish during practice.” 

Mingi’s gaze softened. Although a part of him felt obligated to make sure she was following her doctor’s orders, he couldn’t help but think back to the times during practice when she just seemed so… out of it. Jieun had always been one of the quietest members, but she would still bring her own energy and excitement that gave the group strength when they needed it most. When he thought about it, Mingi couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt that same energy from her. 

“How was the writing session?” Jieun asked, attempting to steer the focus of the conversation away from herself. Mingi gave an absent nod, mind still clouded by concern.

“It was good. We got a lot done.” 

“That’s good…” Jieun took a sharp breath. She let it out after a few seconds, awkwardly nodding at him. “But anyways, I’ll probably just head to bed. I’ll be fine, so you don’t have to worry-“

“Wanna go on a field trip?” Mingi suddenly blurted. She raised her eyebrows, looking at him curiously. 

“To where?” 

“The convenience store down the street.” He stood back on his heels and gave a small shrug. “Taking a walk outside might tire you out more than circles in the living room.” 

Jieun shook her head, waving him off. 

“It’s ok. You just got home and you need the rest.” 

“So do you,” he retorted. Jieun’s mouth pressed into a tight line as she slowly raised her head, finally meeting his gaze. “It’ll only be for like, 20 minutes, I promise.” She stared at him for a few seconds, the silence growing uncomfortably long. Eventually, the girl let out a sigh and nodded. 

“Let me grab a jacket.” 

The walk to the convenience store was quiet, their fatigue combined with the mutual uncertainty of the situation making the atmosphere heavy. Mingi would steal occasional glances in Jieun’s direction, the girl’s gaze remaining distant, present physically but mentally gone. 

It was a bit past 3:40 am when they arrived at the convenience store, late enough that it had been left unattended. 

“Are you gonna get ice cream?” Mingi asked, finally breaking the silence. Jieun simply responded with a shrug as her eyes scanned over every aisle. 

“Not sure yet.” 

Without saying another word, Jieun began walking to another aisle, leaving Mingi standing there. He considered following her, but something in him said that she might want the alone time, so Mingi opted to go grab his own snacks instead. 

It didn’t take him long to grab what he wanted, picking up a premade sandwich, some chips and a juice bottle for himself. However, as he walked over to the self check-out area, Mingi noticed that Jieun was already standing there, holding a plastic bag as she waited for him. 

“You got all your stuff?” he asked, eyebrows raising. Jieun nodded, giving a short hum.

As Mingi began scanning each item, his gaze fell on a pack of lemon drops displayed beside the check-out. He glanced over at Jieun, who was too preoccupied with picking at the skin on her nails to notice him scanning the candy before dropping it into his bag. After paying for everything, he walked over to the girl and gave a small smile. 

“What’d you get?” he asked, glancing down at her bag. Without missing a beat, Jieun opened the bag for him to see inside. 

“Cheese sticks.” 

Mingi leaned over and looked in her bag, where lo and behold multiple cheese sticks were sitting inside. He glanced up at her, a mix of concern and questioning in his gaze. 

“...That’s it?” 

“Yes.” 

Without waiting for a response, Jieun turned and began making her way out of the convenience store with Mingi following close behind. She was immediately hit by a gust of cold wind the moment she stepped outside, a shiver rising up her spine. 

They took their seats on the curb. Mingi started taking out his items, though he left the lemon drops concealed in the bag. Jieun copied, taking out her cheese sticks and laying them out in a nice line. 

“Cheers?” Mingi asked, holding up his drink. 

Jieun glanced over at him, a small smile making its way onto her face as she held up her cheese stick and tapped it against his bottle. She took off the plastic from her cheese stick before taking a bite, much to Mingi’s horror. 

"You don’t peel your cheese sticks???” 

A look of confusion crossed the girl’s face as she chewed. 

“Why would I do that?” 

He stared at the girl for a couple seconds, looking for any hint of humour before realizing she was completely serious. Bewilderment spread across his face before he let out a cough.

“But- it’s- you’re supposed to peel it.” 

Jieun took another bite straight from her cheese stick, causing Mingi to cringe internally. 

“I’ve never seen anyone peel it before,” she answered with a shrug. “Why would I put in the extra effort to peel it, though?” 

Mingi stared at her, dumbfounded. After a few seconds of contemplating the situation and questioning her sanity, he eventually decided it was best for him to pick his battles and just let the girl eat her cheese. He would return to the topic at a later time, but he didn’t want to risk doing or saying anything that might upset her. 

“Here,” Mingi said, reaching into his bag and pulling out the bag of lemon drops. Jieun’s eyebrows raised as he opened the bag, offering her a candy. 

“Oh, thank you,” she said, taking one. Jieun rolled the lemon drop between her fingers, a small smile making its way onto her face as she popped it into her mouth. “How’d you know I like these?” 

Mingi snorted, “You eat them religiously during practice.” She gave a small chuckle and nodded. 

“They’re a good mood booster.” 

“You’re a very odd young person.” 

A silence fell over the two as they continued eating. These “field trips”, as the the two frequently called them, often resulted in the two sitting in silence and enjoying each other’s company, but there was a sense of unease that hung in the atmosphere above them. It was clear that something was bothering the girl, but he had no idea how to approach the situation. 

Mingi didn’t know what to do. He was worried that if he tried to talk to her about her feelings, he would say something wrong that would only make things worse, but he wanted her to know that he would always be there for her. 

Beside him, Jieun let out a yawn and rubbed her eyes. Noticing this, Mingi stretched his arm out, motioning for her to come closer. She hesitated for a moment, but after making eye contact with the boy, Jieun reluctantly scooted closer. She leaned over, resting her head on his shoulder as she let out another yawn. Mingi draped his arm over the girl’s shoulder and, after a few moments, gently rested his head on top of her’s. 

He wasn’t sure how long they sat there, but Mingi realized it must have been a while when he felt the weight of Jieun’s body grow heavier against him. Glancing down, he saw that the girl had her eyes closed, her breathing consistent and even. A soft smile made its way onto Mingi’s face as he reached over, gently patting her head.

As carefully as he could, Mingi shifted his weight and began gathering their trash, all while still supporting her head. After everything was collected, he maneuvered himself so that he was in front of Jieun. He grabbed her arms, draping them over his shoulders.

“Careful, Jieunie.” With that, Mingi pulled himself, and Jieun, off the ground, quickly hooking his arms under her legs to support her weight. Jieun stirred, raising her head slightly. “You can sleep. We’re going home now.” The girl gave a small hum in response and laid her head on his shoulder. 

The silent walk back to the dorm left a lot of room for Mingi to think. There was still a big part of him that wished he knew exactly what to say or do to comfort the girl because if he could, he would have taken all of her hurt and transferred it to himself. But that wasn’t possible, and he wished he was better with his words so that she knew he was there for her. 

“Thanks, Jihoon,” Jieun eventually mumbled, half-asleep. Her words made Mingi freeze and turn his head to look at her, but Jieun had already fallen back asleep. Mingi’s gaze softened. He tilted his head, gently rubbing his head against Jieun’s before continuing to walk.  

He might not have known exactly what to say, or how to take her pain away, but Mingi would always be there to carry her home when she needed him. He hoped she knew that, hoped that his actions spoke loud enough to let her know how he felt.

But there was no way to know for sure, so all he could do was hope.

taglist: @teezingsiyeon

[otakusheep15]

Hi there! I recently got diagnosed with discoid meniscus and I have an MRI and a surgery soon (as well as physio)

This hurts a lot and walking up stairs or a 10 minute walk is dreadful for me

Could you do it with the obey me bros pls? I don't see a lot about my condition much or at all, so it would be nice if u could bring some light to it :33

I actually have a pretty similar condition to you Anon! I've had about three surgeries to reconstruct my knees, so now I have a bunch of metal in them. I completely get the pain, and I'd be more than happy to write about it!

I am gonna try and keep this a bit more generic, but the reader/MC will have a major leg injury. Talks of surgery and injury will be included, but the reader/MC has not yet had any surgeries, just considering it.

Lucifer

Unlike most of his brothers, Lucifer is more practical about your injury. He's the only one who knew about it before the exchange program started, so he took the necessary precautions before you even showed up.

His biggest contribution is that he modified the stairs in the main hall. If you have a wheelchair/mobility aid, he cast a spell on the stairs so that they'll turn into a ramp so that it's easier for you to get up. He also added extra handrails/grips along the stairs so that you can hold on if needed.

He's very protective of you out in public. He constantly has his eyes on you, watching for any signs of discomfort. Constant reminders from him to take breaks when you need, and he punishes anyone who makes fun of you for needing a break.

If your legs ever feel sore, Lucifer is great at massages. He also regularly studies up on physical therapy-type exercises to help strengthen your legs. He never pushes you, but he does encourage you to do these exercises when you can.

If you ever consider surgery, Lucifer will help you look for the best doctor possible. Money is no obstacle for him, and he offers to pay for any and all expenses. He also stays with you in the Human World while you recover, as he doesn't want to risk you being down in the Devildom while you're still healing.

If you're ever injured, such as your knee popping out of socket or pulling a muscle, he's the first to look after you. Plenty of medicine and attention, and he makes sure to keep his brothers away so that they don't bother you while you rest. He's hesitant to use magic to help you, as he doesn't want you to become reliant on it for help, but if it's an extreme injury, he'll make an exception.

Mammon

He most likely is not aware of your injury unless you tell him. If you have a strange walk, such as a limp, he might make fun of you for it, not realizing it's because you're injured. After you and/or Lucifer explain to him how stupid he sounds, he apologizes, and he does genuinely feel bad.

Now he is your scary (adorable) guard dog. He's constantly going with you if you need to run an errand, and he gets upset if you ask him to let you go alone. Truthfully, he's scared for what might happen if you go out by yourself. He knows how cruel demons can be, and he'd hate it if he wasn't there to protect you. Still, if you're adamant, he'd agree to leave you be.

Definitely the type to bedazzle your mobility aid if you have one. Of course, he asks permission first, but if you let him, he's going all out. Stickers, glitter, and tacky, plastic jewels now adorn your mobility aids, and Mammon is very proud of himself.

Mammon is for sure the type to pick you up and walk you up the stairs himself. If you don't like it, he'll stop after the first time, but if you let him, he'll do it every time. If there's a set of stairs you need to go up, he's already picking you up before you even ask. Do his brothers make fun of him? Yes. Does he care? Absolutely not.

If you ever plan on having surgery, he's a bit afraid for you. Mammon has a tendency to overestimate how fragile humans can be, so when he hears the word 'surgery', his mind immediately jumps to the worst. Just reassure him that you'll be okay if you decide to go through with it, and he'll be fine. He definitely studies up on the best ways to help someone recover from a surgery, and he's a surprisingly good caretaker for you.

He's also good at caring for you if you get injured. If you hurt your leg somehow, he's immediately bringing you to the nearest private space and checking to see how bad your injury is. His first instinct is to use magic to heal your leg, but if that doesn't work, his next plan is most likely to call Lucifer and ask what he should do. He's mostly just panicking because he hates seeing you injured, but when he does manage to calm down, he is a lot better at caring for you.

Leviathan

As someone who experiences chronic pain, Levi gets it. He's in constant pain nearly all the time, so if you need help with finding ways to get comfortable, he's your guy. But beyond that, he's not much help with anything else. He barely takes care of his own pain, so the chances of him being able to help much with yours is slim at best. He does his best though.

If you feel sore, he's got lots of spaces to chill out and rest your legs. He has many different types of chairs, beanbags, the bathtub, and even his floor, which is surprisingly comfortable. He'd totally be down to build you a makeshift nest so that you have somewhere to rest and prop your leg up.

Out of all the brothers, Levi is one of the best at distraction and comfort. If you're feeling a lot of pain or soreness, his room is the best place to be. He can distract you with anime, games, manga, and more. Sometimes, you're just in pain and there's not much you can do about it, so having a distraction is usually the best option in these instances.

Still, despite what you may think, even Levi knows that there's a limit to how much you can distract yourself before you actually need help. His brothers have had to pull him out of his cave many times because they know he's in pain and ignoring it. If he ever sees you starting to develop the same destructive tendencies as him, he'll do his best to pull you out of it.

If you ever plan on getting surgery, his room is the best recovery zone you could ask for. There's a lot to do in his room, and none of it requires much physical activity, so your legs can heal while you hang out with him. He also knows a lot about how to work out your leg to keep it from stiffening up, even if he doesn't utilize these exercises himself all that much. Any pain meds you might have are tucked away in a secure location with all of his medicine, and he sets extra timers for you so that you remember to take them if needed.

If you injure your leg, Levi is not the best help unfortunately. He panics immediately, and there's not a very good chance he'll get himself out of his panic in time to help you. In cases like these, it's best to have someone else on speed dial, such as Lucifer or Barbatos. After your leg is healed, Levi is very apologetic that he couldn't be very helpful. He tries his best to overcome his own panic so that he'll be better able to help you in the future.

Satan

Out of everyone, Satan is the most likely to do actual research about your disability. Like, I'm talking hours in the library reading every medical journal he can find so that he can fully understand what you go through. He also asks you questions if you're comfortable answering them. He won't pressure you to answer though.

He will definitely get mad at anyone who makes fun of you or tries to make your life harder. If you don't want him to confront them, he won't for your sake, but he really wants to fight them. Please let him fight them for you.

If you have any mobility aids, he will help you modify them to be better suited for the Devildom, if you'd like him to of course. It's mch different down here compared to the human world, so having modified aids would be helpful to you during your stay. If you don't want them modified at all, he'd be more than happy to buy you some alternative aids instead.

Satan is very good at giving massages if you ever feel sore. Maybe you've been walking around all day, or maybe you just woke up sore. It happens, and he'll never judge you for why you feel sore. If you'd like him to, he has no problem giving you a massage. His room is not the best for relaxing since he has so many books piled everywhere, but he tries his best to clear a path for you so that you won't have to step over all of them.

If you ever plan on having surgery, Satan is your best bet for a caretaker. He's calm and patient, and he always knows what you need to feel better. He's a great cook and he doesn't mind taking care of chores. he also makes sure you take all of your prescribed medication and that you get enough rest. Satan would prefer it if you stayed in the human world during your recovery, as he believes it's safer and less stressful than staying in the Devildom, but if you'd rather stay in the Devildom, he'll gladly stay at the House of Lamentation with you.

If you're injured, Satan is one of the better demons to call on. He has a lot of medical knowledge, so he'd know better than most of his brothers about how to take care of you. He'd try to fix it on his own if he knew how to. He can fix a dislocated knee no problem, and he's fine with other small forms of injury. If it's a bigger injury, he'd be tempted to use magic to heal you, but only as a last resort.

Asmodeus

He may not know everything about your disability, and he may not be the best caretaker of all time, but Asmo is the best at hyping you up and making you feel good. Any insecurity you may have about your disability is gone when you're around him.

No one dares to insult you in his presence. If he even suspects that someone has been bullying you for having a disability, it's on sight. Or, more accurately, he's sending Satan and/or Beel to fight for him. Either way, that demon is dead.

If you let him, Asmo would absolutely bedazzle any mobility aids you might have. He'll design you a leg brace that's colorful and sparkly, all while still being fully functional. Any canes or walkers are covered in fun stickers and glitter, and wheelchairs are not spared either. If you'd rather he keep them plain, he'll be a little pouty, but he doesn't mind. Instead, he'll focus his efforts into creating a new line of fashionable mobility aids. He thinks it's fun to design something that's actually useful along with being cute.

He's also very good at helping you coordinate outfits that fit with your mobility aids. Leg braces tend to be hard to style around, and he knows that. Sometimes they can be bulky and stiff, meaning that picking out what to wear with them can be nearly impossible. If you ever need help finding something to wear, Asmo is your go-to. He won't judge you for needing help, and the two of you spend the whole day shopping and looking around for cute outfit ideas.

If you plan on having surgery, Asmo is not the best caretaker, but he tries his best for you. If he needs any help, he'll most likely call Satan or Lucifer and ask what he should do to help you. Most of his care involves him trying to keep you entertained. Resting all day can be boring, and he knows that he wouldn't enjoy being stuck inside all day. He finds movies and tv shows to binge with you, finds silly games you can play, and even puts on cute little fashion shows for you. Asmo is still a fairly responsible caretaker, but maybe have Lucifer on speed dial just in case.

If you're injured, maybe don't call Asmo right away. More likely than not, he'll freak out and panic instead of helping you. Instead, call someone else to help you with your injury, and then call Asmo after so that he can fawn over you. He'll act all offended that you didn't call on him first, but deep down he knows he wouldn't have been much help to you. He does try his best to work on himself so that he can help you more in the future.

Beelzebub

Beel may not be the most informed about human world disabilities, but he is also the most willing to learn. All he wants is to be helpful to those he cares about, and you're one of those people. If he needs to sort through every medical journal he can find to understand how to help you, he will. He may not understand most of the medical nonsense listen in the journals, but he tries his best for you, and he actually learns quite a lot in the process.

Most likely to carry you around if you need it. All of the brothers are more than capable of carrying you just fine, but Beel is most used to carrying others around. He does it for his brothers all the time, so it's no different for you in his mind. If you can't get up a flight of stairs or you broke/lost your mobility aid, Beel is right there to haul you to wherever you need.

Beel is also very good at caring for you, surprisingly. He deals with a lot of injuries because of how often he gets hurt during games/practice, so he knows a thing or two about first aid. He's not the best at it compared to an actual doctor, but if you need anything bandaged up, or perhaps a brace of some kind, he's got you. He's also got plenty of ice/heat packs if you feel sore, plus tons of muscle relaxers and other such drugs, although he's more hesitant to give anything like that to you since he's not sure what kind of dosage you'd need. If you have your own medication, he'd be more than willing to hold onto some for you in case of emergency.

If you plan on having surgery, Beel is a decent option as a caretaker. Not the best, but certainly not the worst either. He may be easily distracted by his own hunger, but as long as he's well-fed, he's good at taking care of you. Like I said, he knows a good amount already due to his own injuries, and anything he doesn't know he can just research. During recovery, you will not have to move an inch because he'll just get everything for you. If you want food or a drink, he already has it, and he doesn't mind running errands if you need anything specific. He's also good at helping you with physical therapy.

If you get an injury, he's a good option to call. Beel is best at short term solutions, like bandaging you up until you find a more permanent solution. Maybe not the best for serious injuries, as he can only do so much with his limited knowledge, but small injuries like a popped knee or sore muscles are where he can help the best.

Belphegor

If nothing else, Belphie is very good at helping you relax. If your muscles are tense or spasming, he's arguably your best go-to. He's shockingly good at massages, but his specific brand of magic is also good for relaxation, not just putting someone to sleep.

He's also the most understanding about how tired you must be all the time (besides Levi). Having any kind of leg injury is tiring and painful, and he knows good and well that you need breaks. If you're ever feeling tired or worn-out, his bed is always open to you, and so is the attic. He'll also fight anyone who makes fun of you for needing to rest, as he's most likely dealt with similar comments for how often he falls asleep.

He's not the most experienced with mobility aids, but he is good at making things comfortable. If you specifically wear any kind of brace that makes you uncomfortable, he's your best bet if you want to find something better. Maybe something with extra padding or something that sits on your leg better. If you wear one of those bigger braces that prevent your knee from bending, he's also good at helping you prop it up on some pillows. Basically, if you have a hard time getting comfy, go to Belphie. He's more than happy to help.

If you plan on having surgery, he's a fairly decent caretaker. I can't promise that he won't fall asleep in the middle of caring for you, but he's not bad while he's awake. He's the best at helping you find comfortable ways to place your leg while you sleep or rest, and he's also good at helping you relax after physical therapy. As for anything else, he has no problems running errands for you for food, but it might take him a while to get around to it.

If you're injured, maybe don't call Belphie. To be honest, he has no clue how to deal with major, or even minor, injuries, so you're better off calling for someone else to help you. However, he is good at taking care of you after your injury has been properly dealt with. If you do get majorly injured, he'll most likely feel bad that he couldn't help you, so he'll do his best to learn more about how to help you in the future.

[petrichor-idyllic]

Hii Petri, I want to request for headcanons please, it's maze runner boys x fem!reader and she was one of the first to go up in the box, she's been in the glade for enough time to pass for the transition of 'cute little girl who's happend to be there with a lot of boys' to 'really hot girl in the middle of tons os guys', and I want to see the moment that clicked for each one of them that "oh, she's a girl". I think it would be fun cause they're a bunch of virgin dudes stuck in a place with only one girl that they know since "forever" and then suddenly she's not that little kid anymore and it clicks that they'd could be the one to date her.

I am completely doing my requests out of order, but I really like this idea and headcanons are so much easier lol.

Also no Newt here, the boy likes men.

DEVELOPMENT

MASTERLIST | MULTI-CHARACTER MASTERLIST

SUMMARY: See above. Movie based fic.

WARNINGS: Inappropriate language, awkward teenage boys, you're the boss, everyone is useless, mild suggestive themes, the Thomas one is really bad 'cause I had no way of actually writing that based on this prompt.

You were the first person in the Glade, a young girl with no memories or idea what you were doing. Yet, somehow, you managed to survive for a whole month on your own. Then, one after another, the boys started joining you. And you went from soft girl to a leader they could rely on - though, it takes them a bit to notice this.

THOMAS

Being one of the later arrivals to the Glade, Thomas doesn't have the same reaction the others do.

You're just a badass from day one to him.

He thinks you're cool and calculated and you seem to know what you're doing.

He respects you from day one.

He doesn't get to have the whole realising you're cool moment that everyone else does.

He just thinks you're sick.

And he's like, stressed as shit, so he doesn't really have the time to think otherwise.

MINHO

Now, this is where it gets interesting.

Minho was one of the first boys to follow you into the Maze, just after Alby and Newt.

So he's witnessed your whole transformation.

From the early days of exploring the Maze together, to you making him Keeper, to the drunken nights where he'd had a rough day and you had to drag him to bed.

You've been together through thick and thin.

And some of Minho's confidence has definitely rubbed off on you.

The moment where Minho realised you were in face a girl, and not the one he first met was actually quite simple.

You'd had a long night, and with one of your Runners out of commission, you realised you hadn't told Minho to cover another route that day as you'd made arrangements for a new Runner to do a more simpler route- which meant switching up everyone's routines.

Fresh out of bed, wearing a sports bra and baggy trousers that hung off your hips, you went to the Map Room.

It wasn't uncommon for you to dress like this. The Glade is warm, and you basically mothered all these boys.

You whistled as you entered, gaining their attention.

"Oi, boys, listen up - I'm switching routes around today. With Sam off on sick and Darren being new, he's taking the easiest route. Minho, I need you to deal with covering the outer sections more. And Ben I need you to stick to your path for a change instead of going awol - your maps make no sense."

"Aw, what? But that's boring."

"I ain't shuckin' askin', Ben - do as you're told."

Oh.

Oh God.

Minho doesn't know why this is what made it click.

His eyes fell on your body, your words becoming static as he drunk in your figure.

Had you always been this attractive?

Had you always been this assertive?

Was Minho into dominant women?

Should he be concerned?

After this point onwards, Minho started looking at you differently.

In fact, you became the only thing he couldn't take his eyes off.

Minho would go from your confident and reliant friend to slightly awkward, but also occasionally flirty.

Like he can't actually decide what to do with you now.

It'd take a while, but after some near death experiences, he'd become more outwardly flirtatious.

Though, he still wouldn't be able to get over the admiration and awe for you.

GALLY

Gally would be your number one problem child in the Glade.

He always has been.

But, you normally left Alby or Newt to deal with him.

Especially at the start since he's a big dude with a big temper.

Gally always saw you unfit as a leader.

Too timid, quiet, anxious.

You name it, he thought it.

That was until the day him and Minho got in a particularly nasty fight.

You don't know why or what it was, but Gally had gone for the Runner. Alby was busy sorting out the Maps, and in light of Newt's recent injury - it was left up to you.

Jeff came running into your hut, panicking about the fight, leading you to running out after him.

"That's enough!"

You grabbed the boys, yanking Gally away by his collar.

"The shuck do you slintheads think you're doing?"

"He started it!"

"I did not!"

You'd had a hard day.

You didn't need this.

"I don't give two klunks who started it! We ain't got much choice to act like adults 'round here - and you two are actin' like diaper-klunkin' sissy babies! Get a shuckin' grip! I expect better."

Minho apologised quickly.

Gally did not.

"What? Why should I apologise when this shank can't shut his mouth?"

Well, you weren't having that.

"Because I shucking told you to. You're under my care and my order- what I say goes. You may be a Keeper, but that's up to me. Suck it up and do as you're told."

"...sorry.

"Better. Get back to work."

The way that Gally watched you walk away made it obvious to everyone who witnessed the scene that something had changed.

He'd always seen you as weak and a pointless leader, but now?

You'd put him in his place.

Initially, he was embarrassed.

But then he started seeing everything around the Glade, the power you actually held.

He also started to notice how attractive you actually had become.

Safe to say, he started to feel things after you basically called him a bitch.

He'd start showing you more respect after that.

Maybe a bit more than respect.

FRYPAN

Frypan has always liked you.

He's always respected you and been a good friend.

And he used to make sure that you were okay when things got too much.

But as you got older and more confident, you started to not need that comfort as much.

Unlike the others, there wouldn't be a specific moment where he realised.

He'd just be proud as he watched you grow as a person.

And you'd take charge.

It'd be a slow burn of feelings from friendship to genuinely having a crush on you.

You'd make sure his kitchen is always stocked and the Track-hoes do their job and the vegetables are up to scratch.

Though, his feelings came more with the physical transformation side of things.

You hit puberty, and went from being awkward to confident along with it.

Now, Frypan is probably one of the more respectful guys around.

But he can't help but stare when you bend over, or stretch or even just look at him with a smirk.

He's a teenage boy and you're the only girl around.

He's trying his best.

Though he did go from:

"Hey, everything okay? You look stressed."

To:

"H-hey uh, you uh, you need help, or...?"

Man's is down bad.

ALBY

Alby would probably be the person you're closest to.

He's the mouth and the power to your brain

You basically work side by side.

But, he'd always see you as someone he needed to look after and protect.

Then, as you grew up, came into yourself, that would change.

Especially when you started actually being in charge.

For the most part, he really doesn't care.

He noticed the others starting to act differently, but he didn't change much.

Apart from that one time you'd just come out of the shower.

And he just couldn't take his eyes off you.

And he kinda realised you're a woman.

But apart from that.

He's just... there.

Helping you lead.

Sorry for disappearing, this is not my best work but I am currently in full corpse mode.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed :))

[epickiya722]

A lot of times the problem with these het ships is just, that there is an incredible lack of balance in it that almost feels toxic.

And i don't mean dark fiction or anything, i mean fiction that wants you to see them as a good couple.

Like in bnha, again. Iz///ocha has an inbalance over the fact that for it to go forward, it is completely reliant on Ochako, and whatever she decides to do with her feelings.

Which makes her the only one that ever puts the effort into her crush, even if it ends up not actually moving forward, she still the one who's ever confronted with them.

And Izuku never does anything to respond or even indicate that he feels the same. Frankly, if he was to suddendly show that he loves her, that would just make him look like an intruder. Or maybe even imply "now that everything's over, here's your prize, hero!"

I agree!!

While IzuOcha is a popular ship, it's also not compared to BakuDeku and even TogaOcha got some growth over it.

It's not because "het is ew" because I have crossed other shippers who are okay with IzuOcha and/or have other M/F ships they like (I myself like KiriMina).

It's because it is underdeveloped and one-sided.

Izuku reacts to Ochako the same way he has with every other girl. Any time there's crush talk, it's only from Ochako's side. Nothing from Izuku, at all. He compliments her, but it came off more like a bestie hyping you up after you say something self-deprecating than actual "Hey, I like you, let's go out".

To be honest, I don't even think Horikoshi intended for IzuOcha to be seen a ship for people to root for. I don't think he actually ever cares for it because if he really wanted to, he could have made it more balanced. I say this because look at M/F pairings like KiriMina and KamiJiro.

They're more minor than IzuOcha are and yet for both pairings there's a lot more balance between them. Even by design!

I talk more in depth about this here and here.

I totally agree with you on that last bit.

If Izuku suddenly goes "Hey, I love you" or even after winning there's suddenly them hooking up, it will come off as Ochako being some prize because, again, Izuku hadn't shown romantic interest in her like that.

It's funny to me that some people will "BakuDeku are like brothers" but then turn around and want to apply the same tropes and scenarios that BkDk have been through to their ship romantically.

Example, there were people who actually want AFO!Shigaraki to attack Ochako next just so Izuku could save her. This was during the time when everyone was brought in through those portals into the same area.

When I was so agitated about that because one, you really want someone to potentially get killed just for a "shippy" moment? I DIDN'T LIKE SHIGARAKI ATTACKING BAKUGOU LIKE THAT!! Two, so Ochako couldn't be dealing with her situation without any inference? Like she really need to be put in a damsel situation and not be a hero? Because that's how it came off to me.

Look, I myself have ships, but at the end of the day when it comes to the main goal of a lot of these characters?

The last thing any of them really want is romance. If no ship becomes canon I am so okay with that.

A lot of these characters, especially characters like Izuku, Ochako, and Katsuki want to be the best heroes they can be. They want to save people, make them smile, be the best. That was their goal when they chose (and got to) attend UA.

I don't recall Ochako saying "I'm attending UA to get a boyfriend!"

So why reduce her to that? She did not look at Izuku on their first meeting and decided "I'm going to UA to be his wife". I thought she wanted to be a hero so she can make people smile and provide for her parents. Am I wrong? Did I miss something? Did I watch and read a different version of BNHA?

[myg-butterfly]

Goodnight (Love)

Jimin x Reader – Spy!Au

Hurt/Comfort, Angst/Fluff, Enemies(?)/Lovers(?), Non-Idol Au, One-Shot

Part 2

Summary: You and Jimin hold an unwavering grudge against each other, but for what reason? Or, when you and Jimin get partnered for a case together, emotions arise, and so do the stakes. Pride and vulnerability are an explosive pair; will you both set each other off into flames?

Warnings (Buckle up folks because there's a lot): THIS STORY CONTAINS THEMES OF HARASSMENT AND IMPLICATIONS OF S/A!!! DO NOT READ IF THOSE TOPICS ARE TOO HARSH FOR YOU!!! Angst, panic attacks, anxiety, descriptions of violence (like a single fight), sexual assault (no non-con sex happens i swear), misogyny if you squint, Jimin is an asshole at times, trauma, trauma flashbacks, horrible communication tbh, implied abuse, implied s/a

Disclaimers: I am in no way, shape, or form trying to romanticize these sensitive topics, I simply want to show that comfort can be found after said situations. Please do not leave any comments about glamorizing any of the topic.

A/N: Hello hi author here! I haven't thoroughly proof read this oopsies but we'll get there when we get there. There's a lot of time-skips in this btw, and I also just made shit up because I don't really have any clue as to what spies or agents do or whatever (lol)

Taglist: @screamertannie

main masterlist

∘⁺✧◞₊⋅✱

"This mission is risky, as it's heavily reliant on precision and strategy, so we'll have to be very careful with who we send."

"I have the perfect pair in mind."

∘⁺✧◞₊⋅✱

"You're fucking kidding me."

Jimin stares in disbelief at his bosses, Seokjin and Namjoon, not knowing why they thought it would be a good idea to partner you together.

"I don't care whatever personal vendetta y'all have against each other, you both are the most reliable option we have. So put your willy-nillies aside and get your head in the game."

Namjoon shoots Jin a disapproving glare at his choice of words.

"Please never say willy-nilly again."

∘⁺✧◞₊⋅✱

You never thought it was possible for so much tension to fit inside a singular car, yet you and Jimin seemed to be breaking that record currently:

"Listen, I want to get this done as soon as possible, so please just listen to me and do what I tell you and I can finally stay away from your annoying ass."

"As long as you listen to me as well, it'll be a smooth sail."

"And why do I have to listen to you?"

"We listen to each other, it's called teamwork; hence the fact that we're a team, and we work tog-"

"I know what teamwork is – I'm not stupid. But I specialize in retrieving information, so I think we both know who has sufficient knowledge to lead this case."

"One of the requirements to be recruited is being able to safely retrieve information, so technically even though I'm not centered in the encryption department, we still have the same level of expertise in the field of-"

"Do you ever shut the fuck up?"

"I do."

"Great well do that now."

"If it means you stop running your mouth as well then I will."

It isn't that Jimin hates you specifically, he just hates how stoic you are all of the time. No matter what case you had to take on, what was going on around you, your cold demeanor never faltered — and that pissed Jimin off.

I mean, who were you to be so stand-offish to all of your colleagues? Did you think you were better than everyone else? Is that why you never spoke up unless you were giving your 2 cents on the approach the organization should take on the case given. And it pissed him off even more how you were always right, how Namjoon and Jin always agreed with whatever you had to say.

Jimin didn't hate you specifically, but he hated your face and how nice it was to look at and your annoyingly smart brain and your voice that was so soothing to listen to.

∘⁺✧◞₊⋅✱

"Jimin, I'm telling you, having me go undercover isn't safe or efficient. The man who has the information we need is kno-"

"Are you admitting that you don't have the guts to complete this mission? What happened to commitment?"

Strategizing with Jimin felt like being a court trial where anything and everything you said would be used against you.

"I am committed. That's why I'm telling you that this isn't a good strategy."

"And why not? We've used it countless times before and it's worked, what's different now? All those men are the same, just play them to your will. Is that really so hard for you to do?"

"It's not good because it's not safe. Chances are that not only will I walk out of there severely injured, but you will too. And what happens then?"

"All I'm hearing is that you're too scared to do it. If that's the case, then why don't you just go home? I can even go ahead and call Jin hyung and tell him that you chickened out-"

"I am not chickening out."

"Then just trust my plan, princess. It's never failed me, and it's not going to start now."

"....... Fine. But don't call me that."

"No can do, princess."

∘⁺✧◞₊⋅✱

As you walk into the large fancy venue where the event was being held, the urge to run and hide became much more prominent.

You doubt that he remembers you, you were small when it happened, and now you'd grown.

That should bring some form of comfort, but it doesn't.

Because even if he doesn't recognize you, you would never be able to forget those months.

What he did changed you as a person forever, and for the worse as well.

You walk tentatively, saying hello to people you come across, until you find who you're looking for.

Upon seeing his face, it felt like a kick had just impacted your gut, like if you were dumped into a freezing lake with nothing on. Your mouth dried and the room began to spin, and you almost ran away, almost cowered back to safety, but you were stopped by-

"Dumbass, he's right there all by himself. Approach him, quick."

Hesitantly you started your way towards him.

"Jimin, turn my earpiece's mic sensitivity up."

"Why?"

"Please, I need you to be able to catch anything."

"Fine."

Seeing he was grabbing a glass of wine by himself, you took the opportunity to slide in next to him.

"Excuse me, sir? Do you happen to know what kind of wine this might be?"

"Cherry wine, madam. Would you like to try one?"

"Yes, please. Thank you."

"It's no problem. If you don't mind me asking, is someone accompanying you tonight?"

"Oh, no. I'm here by myself. I got invited by mutual friends."

"Ah, I see. So then, you wouldn't mind joining me tonight? I have a table right over there if you'd like to sit."

"I'd love to join you. Please, lead the way."

After some brief moments of small talk, Jimin gives you the okay to start trying to pull information out of him.

"This venue is so lovely, I wish I could see all of it in full." You started prying. "Well, actually, one of my closest partners runs the venue, if you'd like I could ask him if it's okay for me to give you a tour?"

"Would you really?"

"Of course, anything for such a delightful woman as yourself."

"Oh, you're too kind."

∘⁺✧◞₊⋅✱

The tour was going well as good as your given position allowed. You managed to ask about almost each room, giving Jimin any helpful information through your earpiece.

That was until you got to the third floor.

You were trying as hard as you could to push through being in his presence, when you'd been going up the stairs you stumbled for a second, and his hand reached out to "stabilize" you. You managed to regain your balance, still his wrinkled hand remained on the small of your back, a little lower than appropriate, and that was all it took to push you to the edge.

"Um, excuse me, do you mind if we pause for a short while so I can use the restroom?"

"That's totally okay. Do you want me to lead you to the one on this floor?"

"Oh, no. Thank you, I'll use the one from the previous floor. You can wait for me here. I won't be long."

Running down the stairs quickly, your head began to spin with fear.

All of the haunting memories you'd managed to drown out in the deepest parts of your brain resurfaced within a flash, and suddenly its like if you were back where you were less than two years ago.

Rough hands around your waist, liquor scented breath hitting your face, the cold air biting your exposed skin – you remembered it so vividly that you could almost feel it happening to you.

You could feel the harsh tone of voice, taunting you, painting you with shame.

'You should be thankful for all that I do for you. I'm the only person that can stand you after all.'

"Why the hell are you going to the bathroom? Don't stall, you idiot. We need to get this done."

"Right. Yeah. Right."

You stood up and walked towards the door, but you couldn't bring yourself to twist the doorknob. The thought of having to continue with him had your breathing quickening, and your vision shaking, it was all too much at once.

All Jimin could hear was your shallow breathing, and strangely, he found himself growing worried.

"Y/N? What's going on?"

"I can't- I can't do it-"

"What do you mean?"

"I- I need to get out of here."

"Y/N, what's wrong?"

"I can't be here, please Jimin."

Jimin burrowed his eyebrows in confusion, not understanding what caused you to get so worked up. He was even more confused when he felt himself progressively getting more concerned for your well-being.

"Where are you right now?"

“Um, a bathroom in floor 2."

"And you told the guy to stay in the third floor, right?"

"Yeah." You hear Jimin sigh, and you know he's upset with you, but your brain can't fully process that right now.

"I can't believe you're actually pussying out of this right now."

"Jimin, please."

The crack in your voice left an uncomfortable buzz in his chest, and Jimin found himself caving in.

"Okay, fine. I'll find a distraction for him so you can leave while he's busy. Only because we stil have tomorrow to do this and we've made progress."

"Thank you-"

"Don't, we still have to get this shit done tomorrow."

∘⁺✧◞₊⋅✱

You thought you'd be relieved as you finally got the chance to run out of the building, but guilt was heavy on your chest. The sound of Jimin's frustrated voice made you uneasy; you've never really been on his good side, but hearing him sound so disappointed in you drilled a hole into your pride.

He watches you as you open the car door and clumsily jump in, and Jimin can't stop his frown from deepening further when he sees your usually sparkly eyes tainted a light color of red, one that matches your nose and cheeks. You take his expression as one of disapproval, and you shrink in your seat, hoping that it'll swallow you whole. You were triggered as it is, an angry Jimin would not help you whatsoever.

Obviously, the only thing he could come up with was to scold you, because what else was he supposed to do? Wipe away your tears gently and destroy anything that would cause those tears to resurface? Yeah, of course not. Not that he wouldn't be willing to if you asked him, but he'll try to convince himself it's only because he's a good person. No ulterior motive.

"This better be a one time thing, eh? No one wants to work with someone unreliable, and leaving was one hell of a liability."

"I know."

"Then why did you do it?"

The words got stuck in your throat; you couldn't tell him that this guy had abused you for years on end of your adolesence. You refused to let anyone see that side of you.

"It wasn't safe, and it wasn't worth risking it."

"I didn't see any threats in the security cameras, and everything in your earpiece sounded fine. What was unsafe?"A tentative moment of silence passes before:

"Him."

You spoke so softly that you thought Jimin hadn't heard you, until you heard a sigh from him.

"We work with dangerous people all the time, there's no difference here, princess."

The name had clear condecendicy laced within it, and it made the sting in your eyes return quickly; it reminded you of him, and now the memories were fresh. You turned your face out the window, hoping that Jimin didn't catch sight of them.

But he did, and great. What else is he supposed do? to destroy himself then? Being harsh is supposed to be what keeps you from getting hurt by him, so why is that no matter what he does, the outcome is always rough?

The rest of the car ride was silent, the emptyness of nightfall very clear amongst the dark.

∘⁺✧◞₊⋅✱

"Will you stop moving so goddamn much? Some of us are trying to sleep here."

"Why are you referring to yourself with plurality? The only ones here are you and I, and your comment is directed at me so-"

"It's too late for your smartass."

"Well, it's currently 1 in the morning, so technically-"

"Less talking more sleeping."

"Okay."

You'd stopped moving, and Jimin was about to completely pass out, when the shuffling started again.

"Y/N I swear to god-" he groaned, annoyed that you interrupted his sleep again.

But when he looked over, you were sitting up on your bed, a pained expression covering your face.

Jimin sighed and sat up as well, mumbling under his breath about how 'it's always something with you'. Still he asked:

"What happened now?"

You hesitated to answer before responding.

"Did you do it on purpose?"

"Do what?"

"Send me in there, knowing who he is?”

"I genuinely don't have a clue of what you're talking about."

"I knew you hated me but I really didn't think you would go to such lengths."

"Stop speaking in riddles and just say whatever it is you want to say."

"Do you really not know about him?"

"Stop acting like you know better than I do just because you know about some rando that I've never heard of."

"I'm not trying to act like I know better, because I do know better. I know who we're up against, and I know that Seokjin and Namjoon would agree that sending me in there by myself is a shit decision."

"Why would they give us the case then if it's so dangerous, huh? Maybe you're just too much of a scaredy-cat to handle this case. Why don't you go and whine to our bosses that the task is 'too hard' if you're so set on them agreeing with you?"

Jimin's words felt like a stab straight through your heart, and all you could do was bleed out in silence.

"If I were them, I'd be real disappointed if someone I handpicked for a job as prestigious as this one called me and told me they didn't wanna do it because it's too hard."

The mention of disappointing your bosses made your stomach twist with anxiety. Just when you'd begun to learn to protect yourself, you're suddenly getting berated for it?

"Do you want me to complete this task or not?"

"Of course I fucking do. That's why I'm telling you that you need to suck it up."

"Degradation isn't going to motivate me, so you can stop trying to make me feel like shit. Are you happy? Because it sure is working."

"See? This is what I mean. For someone who acts so stoic all the time you sure are goddamn sensitive."

"Jimin, please. Drop it. I get it. You win."

"Stop whin- wait, what?"

You blinked at Jimin, before sighing and laying back down, shuffling around and throwing a blanket over your head.

For some reason, this made his heart twist in an uncomfortable way.

Jimin took a deep breath and told himself that it definitely wasn't because he felt like crying at seeing your defeated expression, he was just shocked that you didn't continue arguing with him.

Yeah. That's what it is. Totally what it is.

∘⁺✧◞₊⋅✱

Day 2 of the event begins, and your fear is drowned out enough to tolerate it by your desperation to get this over with.

"Okay, he's in there. Go. No chickening out this time, okay?"

"Yes. Whatever."

"Good."

You find him standing by the small bar they have across the venue, and you muster up any remaining strength inside yourself as you begin to approach the man who haunts your every move.

"What kind of wine are you honoring tonight?" You use the same conversation starter as last time, and the guy jumps; you caught him off-guard.

"Oh, my dear, it's you. I am so glad we meet again." His smirk grew, and if you didn't know any better, you would think that it's one of excitement rather than perversion.

"So am I."

"I was afraid you'd pulled a classic Cinderella on me after that first night, I thought I wouldn't see you again."

"Oh, I apologize for leaving so abruptly. Something I ate gave me a stomach bug, and I decided it'd be best to go rest before it could get worse. I'm just thankful it cleared up before the event ended."

"I am deeply grateful as well, I don't think I could've bared to not see you again. Say, why don't we actually complete our tour around the venue tonight."

"That would be lovely."

You had always hated how snobby rich people spoke, as if everything was fancy and business. The formalities and outdated vocabulary made you irrationally angry, and you weren't sure how much longer you were going to withstand this entire thing.

∘⁺✧◞₊⋅✱

Thankfully, you lasted a pretty good while. Everything seemed to be going as planned; you asked questions, he blabbered on and on about whatever you asked, he got more comfortable and started spilling more and more, and Jimin got more information.

“This floor is my favorite.” He says once you finish taking the flight of stairs you were just on.

“Oh, really? May I ask why?”

“My personal room is up here, it's supposed to be a guest room but since I spend my days here frequently, it's practically become my bedroom.”

“That sounds very comfortable. The people who own this place seem to show genuine hospitality.”

“They indeed do. And I was thinking, maybe I could follow in their steps, and extend that hospitality to you?”

“What does this said hospitality consist of?” You were skeptical, the glint in his eyes was evidently one that was ready to strike knives into your chest.

“Reconnection. Mending broken bonds. Making up for all our time lost.”

Your heart began beating rapid and panicked, afraid of what implications come with his statement. He seems to notice your expression fall, as he starts to laugh and even doubles over. Once he composes himself, he immediately makes his way towards you, the change in demeanor too quick to even respond.

"You really thought I wouldn't recognize you doll? Hmm?" He circles around you slowly.

It feels like you've fallen through a sink hole into the midst of hell hearing his words, it's suffocating, so much so that you're sure you won't make it out in one piece this time around.

"To be fair, you have changed a lot. You look much more mature, womanhood has treated you well." It takes everything in you to not break as he grabs your chin between his fingers, Jimin's voice playing on repeat in your head - 'no chickening out this time'.

You swallow and take a second to compose yourself, before speaking again.

"May we please continue our tour?"

"No need to hide from me, little one. I'd always told you, you'd come running back to me one day; and here you are. No need to be embarrassed about it, I'm more than happy to have you again."

∘⁺✧◞₊⋅✱

Jimin's blood runs cold when he hears what the man is saying; did you know him before? What history could you possibly have with this man?

"I'm n- not hiding. I just simply wish to continue looking around."

"Oh, trust me, dear. We'll have plenty of time to look around. But first, don't you wanna go somewhere private? So we can, reconnect?"

A shiver runs down your spine out of pure fear, and you're not sure if you can back down this time.

"Um, I don't know. I don't want to be gone for too long."

"No one will notice dear." He leans in closer to your face. "I know you want this just as much as I do."

His suggestive tone has you feeling sick to your stomach, and you pray to whoever sits above that Jimin realizes what's happening and comes to help you. You aren't sure what you had ever done to turn the universe against you, but you knew your prayers weren't heard when Jimin responds through your earpiece.

"Go. If you're worried about anything getting out of hand, I have this planned out. Just go."

You didn't know what plan Jimin had up his sleeve, but his annoyed expression on your face were imprinted in your mind, his words from the previous night still heavy: ‘If I were them, I'd be real disappointed if someone I handpicked for a job as prestigious as this one called me and told me they didn't wanna do it because it's too hard.’

"Okay, take me with you."

∘⁺✧◞₊⋅✱

He leads you to up another set of stairs, and into different hallways, before stopping in front of two big doors. You watch as he takes a key out of the inside pocket in his coat, and he opens the door, letting you step inside first and following after you. The room was spacious and slightly dark, the only light entering through the window from the lights outside.

"Ask him what part of the building you guys are in."

"This room is beautiful, what part of the building are we in?"

“It is quite luxurious, huh? This is the fifth floor. Main hallway, 3rd door. If you ever want to pay a visit, you're more than welcome to stop by.”

Jimin quickly jots down the room, and you hope he's satisfied, because you're shaken with fear at this man’s words. He locks the door from the inside, and proceeds to move toward you.

"He has a key, right?"

"Ah, yes." Pause. "I'll keep that in mind."

He smiles at you and grabs your wrist, walking towards the large bed in the middle of the room.

"Okay, get his key. Do whatever it takes, just get your hands on it."

He sits on the bed and grabs you by the hips, pulling you down with him.

"I can't believe I have you all for myself again. Even if its just tonight." You feel his fingers in your hair; the thought of shaving your head crosses your mind. If it means getting rid of any trace of him, you'd do it.

"Your features may be a little more grown, but you're still that innocent little sweetheart that I've always known."

His face seems so close; your body falls cold with fear.

"Tell me, how much have you missed me, sweetheart?"

He gets scoots even closer and cups your cheeks, running a thumb over your lips. He gets even closer, and all you can do is swallow and curse Jimin, because why isn't he doing anything to help you?

"I thought you would've learned to use your words by now." He chuckles, you wait for a hand across your cheek.

"Stupid little girl. Aren't you glad I'm so forgiving?"

He leans closer again, your foreheads touching at this point.

"I'll let you show me with your actions. Come on, show me."

Your breath hitches in dread, but he takes this a good sign. He kisses you and you do your best to "kiss" him back without actually doing any kissing. You tug on his coat, hoping he gets the message to take it off, and thankfully – you're not sure this is the right word – he does. As he shrugs it off, he keeps kissing you, and you take the chance to grab it from the inside, and flip it around so the key falls into your lap. You quickly put the key in your dress pockets and you toss the coat across the room in attempt to mask it as a move of interest.

He notices that his coat is gone, and it prompts him to begin trying to remove your corset. You realize that this is your chance to communicate with Jimin, though you're not sure if he can hear you if the silence from his side is anything to go by, while also prompting the man to get off of you.

"I've got it."

"You got the key?" So Jimin can hear you. You don't know if what fills your gut is relief or anger.

"Let me do it." He grips your hands and puts them aside, continuing to undo it himself.

"Yeah." You respond to Jimin. Pause. "I've got it, its fine. It'll be faster this way."

"Okay, we'll get him distracted now." Once again, you're torn between relief and anger.

"Don't you wanna take it slow? Enjoy our sweet time together?" His lips on your neck, and his hands getting lower and lower. You start to cry. Thankfully, he doesn't notice, because the intercom system im the building blares: "The auction is about to begin, 5 to auction." Hearing this, you take your chance to push him away, trying to get yourself back together.

"We should go, we wouldn't want to miss this." You move to get up, but he locks you within his arms.

"It's okay, you're the one thing I want."

"People will notice that we're missing."

"They won't. And if they do, let them. I'm more than glad to show you off."

He keeps on untying your corset, and panic starts to flow more prominently through your body as you realize that he isn't going to let this go easily.

"I really think we should go back. What if we miss something important?"

"Shhhh. Let this happen."

Another announcement blares through the intercom, but he doesn't even flinch this time.

"Auction is now beginning."

"Let's stop. I don't want to miss it."

He doesn't stop.

Doesn't even do a double take.

"If you want something from the auction, I'll get it for you. I'll even pay double the price. But I'm not letting anything take this away from me. I've been waiting to feel you for years. I'm not letting you go now."

You're on the border of cracking as he gets lower on the strings of your corset, not sure if you're gonna be able to get out of this unharmed. He moves to suck on your neck, and that's when you break.

"I don't, I don't want to."

"You're just nervous. I know you want this."

You shake your head, your whole body is visibly trembling now.

"I don't want to."

"Be good and stop talking."

He finally gets to the last string when his phone rings behind him.

He ignores it.

You pry him on.

"Are you not gonna take that?"

"Nothing is going to interrupt this."

"What if it's important?"

"What did I say? Be quiet. Why is it that now you're all chatter, but when I asked you earlier, not even a peep? It's like you want me to punish you."

A sob escapes you; where the fuck is Jimin?

He takes your corset off, leaving you almost bare.

"Such a pretty little thing."

All you can think is that 'This is it. This is it. What did I do to have to go through this again? Why is it tha-"

"I'm on my way up. I'll be there in a moment. I'm sorry I didn't come earlier. I'm coming."

You let out another sob at this.

∘⁺✧◞₊⋅✱

Jimin feels like his heart flew out from his chest because of how hard it was pounding.

He's desperate to get you out of there, and Jimin didn't know what to do.

His original plan to get the man distracted by random interruptions wasn't working, and he knew going up there on his own was risky, but listening to your situation made him sick.

He knew one of the guys on his usual team, Yeonjun, was monitoring the assignment, as they always have someone on standby in chances of emergency.

With his mind made up, he lets him know that he's gonna go in, but he isn't too fond of the idea.

"No, Yeonjun. You don't get it. I have to go up. He's- he's hurting her."

"You'll get caught. Especially if you and Y/N leave together."

"I have to go."

"Jimin-"

"Sorry, I have to get to her."

The line disconnects.

He was coming now.

Getting to you was the only thing that mattered in that moment.

∘⁺✧◞₊⋅✱

You can't bare to watch as the man takes his own shirt off, and you feel like you could throw up at any moment.

"I'm on the fifth floor. Toss the key under the door if you can."

At this, your only string of thought consisted of 'Jimin's here' 'Toss the key' 'Jimin's here' 'Toss the key'

You quickly reach into your pockets and let the key drop by your feet, and you kick it so it's by the door. An eternity of seconds pass by, your brain simply chanting 'Jimin, Jimin, Jimin'

Everything happens so quickly that you don't even have time to process what's happening before Jimin tackles the old man. He punches and pounds, and all you can do is watch in horror as both men begin to swing at each other. You have no clue what to do, but thankfully, Jimin manages to catch him off-guard and injects him with a tranquilizer.

It's strong enough to paralyze him on the ground, but simultaneously doesn't knock him unconscious.

You run to put your shirt on and rush to look for the flash drive that's meant to have all the information you're looking for. Despite your frantic state, you miraculously find it in a drawer, relieved and ready to show Jimin.

But when you turn around, he's still on top of the man, beating him like a crazed man.

"You. Fucking. Bastard. How. Dare. You. Touch. Her. I will fucking kill you." He says in between punches.

He kicks, stomps, punches, even pulls out his blade, and he doesn't stop until he feels you tug from behind him, hearing your attempts to hold back sobs from escaping you.

Even as you're trembling, you hold up the small flash drive in your hand.

Jimin stares in shock for a few seconds, confused as to how you still went to look for the files even with the state you're in.

He looks back at the man on the floor, bloodied and now unconscious.

You wouldn't be surprised if Jimin beat him to death.

A pause of silence engulfs both of you, before he interrupts it.

"Let's go. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Let's go. We'll talk later. Come on."

You moved to step towards the door, but you were filled with such panic that your legs were giving out on you.

He stepped towards you, but you recoiled.

He knew that this reaction was to be expected, but it still felt like a flame was burning his chest seeing you jump away from him, looking absolutely terrified.

You stumbled and wobbled, but you were insistent on walking on your own.

Jimin respected your boundaries, but when you almost tumbled down the stairs, he couldn't take it anymore.

��Do you want me to carry you back to the car? It'll get us out of here quicker, you're gonna hurt yourself .”

He saw your facial expressions change multiple times in that short moment before you stepped toward him and let him lift you off the ground. You were tense, any touch making your head spin but feeling how securely Jimin is holding you, you can't help but loosen up a tiny bit.

Feeling you shake in his grasp, it hit Jimin like a bag of bricks; you had been one of his victims. That's why you told him that it wasn't safe for you.

How could he have missed this?

You'd been brought back to hell after finally escaping it, and it was Jimin himself that dropped you right back into the gates of it. Maybe if he had listened to you when you said it wasn't a good idea, maybe you wouldn't be shutting down right in front of his own eyes, wouldn't be shaking uncontrollably, wouldn't be face to face with a monster you were to never see again.

∘⁺✧◞₊⋅✱

In the car, you can't stop clawing at yourself in the passenger seat, unsure of how to get rid of all the anger and anxiety in you.

Jimin kept peeking from your eyes and back to the road, and for some reason, this made you angry; not in a scream and throw things way, but in a sob angry tears with harsh breaths until you pass out way.

“What did it cost you to listen to me? Your pride? Is your pride worth the touch of that monstrosity?"

"I'm sorry."

∘⁺✧◞₊⋅✱

You get to the hotel and rip the dress off of you, wiping your lips and scrubbing your hands furiously, you pull your hair in desperation.

Everything feels so wrong and overbearing, it feels like its the end of the world.

Jimin feels like his world is crumbling at the same time that you are.

He goes to make you some tea, anything that will make you feel even the tiniest bit better. Seeing you in so much distress left only 2 things swirling around his head.

The first one being: He would, in fact, do anything to take back everything he's said, and to protect you from any harm that may come your way.

The second: He is so emotionally constipated.

Instead of letting himself understand and acknowledge what he feels for you, he put up a big fucking barrier, and now he’s responsible for your breaking point. Maybe if he could've been honest with himself, maybe if he had been gentler with you–

Well, there's no point in dwelling over it now, so instead he approaches you and removes your hands from your head to stop you from pulling your hair.

"Y/N? You're gonna hurt yourself."

"I don't care." You try to pull your hands away, but Jimin clasps them against his own.

"I made you some tea, it's in the nightstand by your bed. Go drink it while I put on a bath for you. And grab clothes once you're done."

You weren't sure what it was, anger? Gratefulness? Appreciation? Resentment? But something was coursing through your veins, and it all was clearly directed at Jimin. Feeling frustrated and confused, you broke down into sobs once more.

"We don't have to do anything, but I think getting washed up will help you feel better. Whatever you wanna do. Just, please don't cry, I don't like it when you cry.”

You look up and find Jimin crouching in front of you; his stare so soft that you think he might actually care. You can't help it – you launch yourself towards Jimin, neither of you are sure if it's an attempt at a hug or at knocking him down.

He wraps his arms around you and you begin to hit at his chest, your frustration and hurt showing themselves.

"Why didn't you listen to me?! I didn't want to tell you! You should've just listened to me! Then I wouldn't be hurt! It hurts, Jimin. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts."

You repeat that phrase over and over again until your breakdown begins to falter into hiccups, energy gone, and you melt into Jimin's embrace. The room is suddenly still, the only existing thing being you and Jimin on the floor, crying out hurt and apologies.

When he clutches so hard onto your shirt that his knuckles turn white, you know that he didn't mean to do it on purpose, that he's genuinely sorry for how things went down. And when you hug him back and shuffle closer to him, he knows you're willing to forgive him, you don't blame him for the decisions he made.

∘⁺✧◞₊⋅✱

Things feel fuzzy after that. Not necessarily in a bad way, there's just too much delicacy in the air for you to process things properly.

The cup of tea is warm in your hands as you wait for Jimin to finish filling up the bathtub.

After some quiet moments, he walks out of the bathroom and throws an apologetic smile your way.

"You're all set. I'll be out here, shout if you need anything."

"Okay."

You do think initially that a bath will help you relax, maybe get rid of some of the squeezing tension in your muscles, but it becomes clear that your mind won't be able to handle something as simple as undressing and getting into the tub.

Marks brokenly painted across your skin catching your stare, you needed to be forced out of it.

Even as you slowly climbed into the tub and sat down, the only thing running through your head was the image of your scarred form.

You cry out Jimin's name.

"Is everything okay?"

You beg the words to leave your tongue.

"Stay. Please."

Your voice is small and tired, and his heart jumps in a mix of adoration and pain, because you are ever so lovely, but you're hurt, and you're hurt because of him and his pride.

"Okay. I'll stay."

He takes a seat on the closed toilet, and you stare at him for a few seconds, trying to figure out how to ask for the support you need.

"I- can y- my hair."

Finally, it comes out strangled, but it comes.

"What about your hair?"

Jimin moves closer when you fuss a little at his question, splashing the water while doing so.

You rake your hands through your hair aggressively, and he thinks he understands what you're trying to say.

"Do you want me to help you wash it?"

Your face visibly softens – similarly to Jimin's heart – and you let out a little sound of confirmation.

"Okay, are you sure you're comfortable with that?"

"Mhm."

"Okay, pass me the bottle."

The warm water is soothing on your scalp and you feel yourself relaxing as soon as the shampoo touches your head.

“Sorry if I pull your hair.”

When you feel Jimin’s fingers raking across your hair, you start to cry again.

The way he gently rubs your hair makes you overwhelmed with a warm feeling that fills your chest at being handled so tenderly for the first time in so long.

"Love, why are you crying?"

If Jimin was already panicked at your tears, he’s utterly mortified now that the term of affection slipped out accidentally.

Thankfully, it seems like you're too caught up in enjoying the feeling to notice what he just called you.

“Thank you.”

His hand movements stopped for a second to think about his next words before resuming with a sigh.

"Don't thank me. I fucked up so bad. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I should've just listened to you. I'm so sorry."

Jimin's voice cracked, and it looked like he was going to start crying too.

Once he was done, he went to grab a towel, and you stopped him by putting a hand on top of his.

"It's okay. I know you didn't mean it."

"I'm still really sorry. You shouldn't have gone through any of that."

You simply hummed as a response, and you both knew that it meant forgiveness.

The moment felt so soft, soft in the way you were looking at each other, soft like the butterflies in your stomach, it was all just really, really soft.

∘⁺✧◞₊⋅✱

That didn't last too long though, because sleep has never come easy to you, and the events of this day only worsened it.

Every time you closed your eyes, his sickening face would appear in front of you. You could almost feel the way he gripped onto your skin, bruising it.

You could feel yourself falling into a panic spiral again, and your brain's first instinct for whatever reason was 'where's Jimin?’

You sat up and saw him fast asleep on his bed, and you grew hesitant.

What if he gets mad that you woke him up? What if he laughs at you? He's gonna tell you to toughen up.

But then you think back to how he's acted ever since he went to get you.

That wasn't just temporary, right? Was it just pity? Was he only nice to relieve himself of any guilt?

Your overthinking mixed with your already panicked state, and you once again felt like things were crumbling all around you.

You showed Jimin your weakest parts, he can surely use that against you. He probably thinks you're even more pathetic now. He's gonna tell everyon-

"Y/N? What's going on?"

You were so deep in your thoughts that you didn't realize how loud your sobs had gotten, nor that they'd woken Jimin up.

You looked up in horror as you realized that he was sitting on your bed, watching you cry.

The concerned look in his eyes only made you cry harder. You wanted to fall into his comfort, wanted to believe that he genuinely cared about you, but at the same time you were convinced that he was just pretending.

"Don't act like you care."

“Huh?”

"I know you're only being nice to me out of pity, you can drop the act now."

Your words came out broken and between sobs. After you finished your sentence your breathing quickened again.

Jimin felt his heart being shredded into pieces as he saw your state. Did you really think that he hated you?

He could deal with that later, right now his main priority was getting your breathing regulated.

"Come here, we're gonna breathe together, okay? Can you do that for me?"

You were hesitant to approach him, but the offer of closeness was too inviting for you to turn down.

Jimin waited until you were seated directly in front of him before continuing.

"Hands on your belly. Now breathe in, and out."

It took a while before you were breathing again, but now Jimin could tackle the second issue at hand.

“What can I do to help you?”

Jimin sees the distrust on your face at his words and his chest squeezes sadly.

"I'm not doing this to get rid of guilt or anything like that, if that's what's running through your head."

“How do I- know that you're not just saying that to say it?"

Oh what Jimin wouldn't do to hand you the world.

"If I genuinely didn't care I wouldn't be here right now. You'd know if I was lying."

You think to yourself before giving into his offer with a small nod. Jimin smiles at your response.

“Do you need a distraction? Comfort? Water?”

“I think– I think comfort.”

"Okay. Do you want cuddles?"

Your brain short circuited, and Jimin took your silence as discomfort, so he rambled on.

"When I was younger, if I was ever scared of something, my mom would cuddle me and it always made me feel better. If you're not comfortable that's fine, I just think it would help."

You took a second to digest what Jimin had just asked you, never in a million years imagining you'd hear him asking you that, before nodding your head.

"Okay then, come here." Jimin laid down facing you and opened his arms expectantly, so you scooted closer to him and let him embrace you.

There's an inexplicable safety you felt surrounding him that had you melting into his hold. For the second time that day, his fingers gently played with your hair and you felt your walls come down a little further, warmth encasing both of you.

"You're so warm."

"Fuck do you think I am, a reptile? Of course l'm warm."

You scoffed at Jimin’s words, but stayed snuggled into him nonetheless.

"Are you uncomfortable?" You asked him.

"No. I'll let you in on a little secret of mine. I love cuddles. But only from specific people. But don't tell anyone.”

A soft giggle leaves your lips at his words, and Jimin decides that it's now his new favorite sound.

You pull back so you and Jimin are eye to eye; you want to speak but words are hard to convey.

“What's on your mind?” He's attentive, eyes searching yours for any hurt or worry.

“Do you cuddle with all your mission partners?” You try to lighten the mood and he laughs, so you assume it worked.

“No, only with the ones I like.”

His voice is soft when he says this, and it makes you melt a bit more.

“I really did think you hated me at one point.”

“I never did, I'm just very emotionally constipated. In all honesty I really do admire you, but I forced myself to see you as competition to avoid any of the weird emotional shit. Looks like it didn't work.” He finishes his sentence with a bitter chuckle; shame evident in his voice.

“I mean, I wasn't really all that nice to you either.” You try to easy his guilt.

“I wish we would've gotten off on the right foot.”

“Me too. But what's done is done.”

“I'm really sorry for not listening to you. I thought you were saying all of those things just to mess with me, but now I realize how stupid my logic sounds. Hearing what was happening over your microphone had me sick to my stomach. I can't even imagine how it must've felt for you.”

“It felt like my world was ending, honestly.” Your voice is quiet, but not enough to conceal how it cracks while tears pool in your eyes again.

“I never thought I would see him again. I'm still so scared, Jimin.” You begin to hiccup sobs, and he wastes no time in pulling you closer.

“It's okay. He's never coming near you again. I promise. You're safe, okay?” Jimin's voice was soft, feeling the way his chest vibrates against your head that's now tucked under it only helped calm you further.

You both remain like this until you've completely stopped crying and relaxed in his arms. Everything around you felt warm and tender, lulling you into deep sleep.

The last thing your brain manages to process is a soft kiss on your forehead, and words that sound a lot like:

“Goodnight, love.”

[beigepillow]

God, the chapter hasn't even come out yet and people are already starting to demonize Doumeki. I'm really sorry, and it's probably not a popular opinion, but I really don't understand how Doumeki is supposed to know what's going on in Yashiro's head. He feels one thing, but says and does something completely different. We know that. Yes. But Doumeki can't read minds. Yashiro's body says yes. But in words, Yashiro also behaves sarcastic, cold and sometimes cruel towards Doumeki. Nothing changed. It's difficult to understand what's going on in a person's head. To believe that he loves you and if you open up to him again, this time he won’t leave you and you won’t get a bullet from him? Of course, I’m also annoyed by this whole situation and I want them to have a normal conversation! But to really demonize Doumeki... I can understand his behavior. How can I fully understand Yashiro's behavior. Yoneda wrote Doumeki as more than just a love interest. She created an interesting character with many good and bad qualities. With his own past and with his own traumas. Both Yashiro and Doumeki have huge trust issues. The fact that Yashiro is reflecting is already great progress!!! Doumeki keeps to himself but gives Yashiro space. They both go towards each other! Yes, not as quickly as we would like, but still. eh. It just upsets me that it feels like fans are ready to just destroy Doumeki for even the slightest bit of negative feelings towards Yashiro. As if Doumeki has no right to be jealous, offended, insolent... This makes me so frustrated(

Yeah, I understand this feeling well. I am not sure if you ever came across my blog a few months ago but I actually started out as almost a Doumeki defense blog lol. Most of my posts were about Doumeki’s pov because I felt there was a lot of harshness towards him. Ultimately I think the main issue those people have against Doumeki is that they don’t like Doumeki outside of being Yashiro’s love interest. That means Doumeki is not allowed to be a fully fleshed out character with his own insecurities and issues; he just needs to be whatever Yashiro needs him to be and he should know that even without any communication from Yashiro. Doumeki is supposed to be Yashiro’s lover, therapist and emotional whipping boy. A large part of the issue maybe certain interpretations of them as characters where there is a belief that Doumeki is this jealous, possessive man who only cares about having Yashiro at his side and Yashiro is the selfless one who only cares about doing what is best for Doumeki have influenced how we view their actions. We believe the worst of Doumeki while Yashiro is only at his mercy. The thing is Doumeki is acting in a way that Yashiro wanted in the past and pushing down his own desires to do it. He is not exactly happy with this arrangement either. Even when he was sweet, sensitive Doumeki, there was a lot of criticism towards him. There was even criticism of him for expressing he wants Yashiro to want only him. Doumeki is trying the best he can but Yashiro’s trauma goes beyond him. He can’t heal Yashiro nor should he be expected to. He also shouldn’t be expected to constantly sacrifice his own needs and desires for Yashiro and to never express any negative emotion about Yashiro’s actions. That is not an equal relationship. Some people have so much empathy for Yashiro but almost none for Doumeki. The most interesting thing is that if you even suggest Doumeki and Yashiro separate, those people would also hate that idea because Yashiro’s happiness is so reliant on Doumeki. I feel your frustration, anon. I feel like I can rant about this forever.

[makedonsgriva]

Hi, do you mind if I ask, what do you think are Damen and Laurent’s greatest personality strengths and weaknesses? Why? What do you love about their dynamic? Thanks if you want to answer....

HI! Thanks for this ask because I have SO MANY thoughts, feelings and emotions about these two princes, it will take a lifetime for me to get it all out of my brain. Anyways, here we go:

Damen

In my opinion I think Damen's greatest personality strength is his unwavering optimism, will power and courage. Man was shipped to the enemy nation as a slave to his biggest enemy and he came back to his own nation to fight for his right with the said enemy ending up as his lover???? I don't think anyone understands the sheer INSANITY of this situation. Like I am being 200% honest here, I would have survived not a day in Vere had I been in Damen's position so y'know I gotta admire my man's sheer power of will and courage and hope.

As for his greatest weakness I feel like it can be attributed to his impulsiveness. Once angered, it is very difficult for him to assess the situation and take action calmly. He is hot headed and violent. And we see this impulsiveness of him getting him in trouble multiple times in the series.

Laurent

I think it's easy to say his biggest strength is that beautiful, boggling, labyrinthine brain of his. Laurent is smart. And when I say smart, I mean every letter of it. He uses his wits, he relies on his cleverness and he is not afraid to play dirty to win unlike his righteous husband. He knows that to fight twisted and sick people like his uncle, he has to come up with more twisted plans of his own. You gotta love a smart motherfucker.

His greatest weakness has to be his complete inability to ask for help and rely on others. Although I can't completely blame Laurent for this since as soon as Auguste died, he found himself surrounded by people who only wanted to take advantage of him. He HAD to be self reliant. Yet, just when I started to believe that he might be starting to trust Damen to take his help and win alongside him, he turned himself in to his uncle in Kings Risng lmaoo like I get the self sacrifice and there was no other way or what not but jfc my dude you don't have to do everything by yourself.

Lamen

Every other book I have read has rivals or maybe like one of them dislikes the other while the other person is "I never actually hated you." And I get the charm of it okay, I love that trope too but Captive Prince? The enemies to lovers we get is ELITE. We go from two dudes wanting to VISCERALLY end each other to ready to die for each other. From the absolute hatred, lack of trust, various murder and torture attempts to forgiving each other and falling in love. Realising that whatever the other did was justified and the only thing they can do is move past it. Overcoming all that hurt and pain to build something so strong, beautiful and intimate. That's THE SHIT okay. That's what makes Laurent and Damen's dynamic so special. The way they both grow together and come together to become an unstoppable force. They help each other so much, both in terms of achieving their respective goals and to have great character developments. They bring out the best in each other and fill in the weaknesses of the other. Damen is impulsive but Laurent knows how to reign him in. Laurent doesn't know how to accept help but Damen is there for him every step of the way. From reluctant allies to friends to lovers to divorced era to I'm gonna die for this man, they have it all. Captive Prince has the BEST enemies to lovers arc of all the books I've read till date. PERIOD.

This really got me yapping I'm sorry lmao!!! But yeah here we go. Hope you liked this!

[under-my-pillow]

how do you feel with all the people calling soo won aromantic because of his scene with lily when he said he doesnt really understand romance or love but he likes people?

Hello, @spriderlili,

It is a very interesting question. Thank you for asking, but keep in mind my response might be biased as I am personally not a fan of labels, and the fandom gives him plenty of silly ones, so most of the time I am - Even if he is dying, you don't have to be in a hurry to pick out a label for his gravestone quite yet, thank you. - kind of mood.

But I'll elaborate on this particular one.

The word 'aromantic' has a very vague meaning - little or no romantic attraction to others

Does it mean unable to have/devoid of romantic feelings? Or is it referring to people who have never had romantic feelings in their entire lifetime?

For the former, no, he is not devoid of/unable to have emotions - a sociopath or psychopath (I know they call him that, but he is neither) He feels, pain, anger, sympathy, joy, longing, etc., etc., as we have seen in multiple instances, so it doesn't make sense to just be unable/devoid of only romantic feelings.

If it is the latter, we are a little too early to say anything, because despite being "king" and wise beyond his years we often forget that Soo-won is only eighteen years old. Even if we go with the average lifetime of a person being 60 years old, he hasn't even completed half.

Now, is it referring to how he was unaware of Yona's feelings or how he doesn't understand the emotions of love or romance? Or how he seems to not really have attachments to people?

I do not believe the answer to these is - 'aromantic'

To make it a little clear, let's take Yona.

Why was she able to understand romantic love and why is Soo-won unable to?

Why was she able to love and adamantly insist on marrying Soo-won without considering anything else?

1. Because she had the freedom to be a child.

2. She had the freedom to be immature.

3. She had emotional freedom and creative freedom which were not restricted by adult burdens.

4. She was taken care of by a loving parent and allowed healthy emotional development.

For Soo-won, it is the opposite.

The privilege to be a child, the privilege to be immature, the privilege to rely on others, love immaturely, quit immaturely - he lost all that to the dream of making Kouka strong and secure.

Sure, that was his choice, but it was not his choice to lose a major source of parental affection & guidance while the remaining semblance of one was just a wreck.

Children are naturally emotionally reliant on their parents/guardian. So, what happens when a reliable source of emotional stability is just knocked out from right beneath their feet? Where do they put their feet?

For Soo-won, I believe it was in the memories of his father. This is sometimes seen in the way we see him clinging to the memories of his father for guidance.

So,

1. Heavy responsibilities, even the adults did not bother to do.

2. A limited social circle, predominantly made up of adults.

3. A fudging time limit.

It's like asking an athlete with a hundred miles left to the finish line and a 20 minute time limit if he could solve your algebra homework on the way.

I am not saying Soo-won is emotionally underdeveloped either. He is very excellent at controlling his emotions as we have seen. I'd say he is emotionally exhausted.

Romance is not in his priorities.

Romantic attraction is something generally experienced in leisure, when there is freedom to express the heart, when there is that subconscious freedom to trust your heart with another person.

Soo-won is not like Yona. She constantly has Hak or the four dragons whom she can be vulnerable with.

Who do we see Soo-won constantly be vulnerable with?

He has not had emotional freedom.

In the age to run, play, make mistakes, he had already become sensible, self- reliant, set in his beliefs — he's already run half the course before he even turned eighteen while the greatest worry for girls around his age was probably Geun-Tae getting married.

That's a major bandwidth problem.

I think we can all agree that based on what we have seen so far, Soo-won is not a love at first sight person. If he is going to fall in love with someone it is going to be a gradual process.

So, the person at least needs to be someone who can understand his views and talk to him on equal ground. Someone whom he can be emotionally free with. Someone whom he can eventually be vulnerable with.

Lili is a great example (Yes, I won't miss an opportunity to ship my top couple, but also seriously...)

Prior to the story's start Lili was probably just a love sick teen pining after Geun-Tae, but by the time Soo-won's coronation is over she is aware of the water tribe's major issues.

She wants to help, tries, fails miserably, tries again, gets help, slowly matures enough to be able to command the respect of the tribe in her own name.

Among all of Soo-won's female acquaintances introduced in the story so far which you can count on one hand she is the closest to have come to understanding the reality underlying Soo-won's decisions.

So, my point is, maturity wise, girls around his age circle are just catching up.

When there is someone (preferably Lili) whom he is comfortable with expressing his thoughts and emotions to, someone who actually understands him (Not like Hak), he'll eventually come to understand what it means to hold romantic affection for another person.

He just needs time and the right person.