#yet do not use because I just can’t bond w people or find myself attracted to them unless I meet them irl

[rowanhoney]

the universe is testing me rn

[katherinemallory]

#10 The roulette of feelings

Hell is empty and all the previous chapters are here: #1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #6 #7 #8 #9

After a few days in London we caught our flight to Monte Carlo. I’m not sure how long we stayed there. This mission felt like a long holiday since the very beginning.

Still on board we agreed that Bond would be the one to play poker and I would pose as his wife, or, as he has put it, “a crown jewel”. Usually I don't like being treated as such, since my experience in behaving like a damsel is close to a bare minimum, but this time I really enjoyed it. Bond was clearly pleased with his leading role in this show, and - while sitting at the poker table - he started to take chances more eagerly. He boasted about his poker skills all the time and I kept working from the shadows, observing him and our rivals, and making sure that we don’t expose ourselves too much. A win-win situation.

We were quite busy spending time at the casino, discussing the tactics, or using all the possible attractions offered by the city of Monte Carlo. The only contact I had with the outside world during the first week were my reports to MI6 which went directly to M, delivered to him by Eve Moneypenny.

One day, while Bond was on the meeting with our liaison (it's amazing the SIS has got its people... everywhere), my phone rang. I picked it up and sat on my bed, crossing my legs.

"Hi Eve. It’s nice to hear you. Did you... find out anything?"

"Not yet, Kath, but I'm working on it," she reassured me. "I just wanted to know how you're doing. You haven't been in touch for *days*. I’ve only noticed your daily reports."

"I'm more than fine, thank you. And I’m sorry for not being in touch... I have to admit I've been kinda busy, but... I won’t complain. Finally I do all those things I needed to recharge my batteries."

“I can’t believe what I hear! Does it mean I should become a double-0 if I want to feel more relaxed?” she teased me.

“You definitely should try it,” I replied, smiling. “I know it sounds crazy, but it’s absolutely true. I enjoy the high-life more than I expected... All those fancy parties, drinks, wealthy men, late-night strolls around the streets of Monte Carlo... You get used to it pretty quickly," I replied in delight. "Sometimes I forget that I am here for the purpose of work.”

“It’s great to hear that, Kath. You deserve it, especially after what happened in Geneva,” said Eve and hesitated. “And... And w-w-what about Bond...? I guess it’s him who takes you on these late-night strolls?” 

I laid on the bed, putting one pillow under my head. I looked straight at the white ceiling.

“Well... We spend each night at the casino, pretending to be a husband and a wife who just want to enjoy themselves... In the mornings Bond tries to teach me how to play poker. I fail miserably every time!” I chuckled. “We share a suite. I had some concerns before, but so far he behaves."

Eve's voice went up really high.

"You mean he did give up on you?”

I tilted my head to the right, placing my cheek on one of the pillows and pressing the phone to my ear.

"He didn’t. We flirt regularly," I replied, as I scratched my forehead with my left hand. “But he’s more patient now, I reckon. And more self-confident. He knows I can’t pay much attention to the other men at the casino, cause it would blow our cover immediately. He knows I wouldn’t do that... This is what makes him... erm... powerful. And he probably thinks I will fall for him eventually,” I added, rolling my eyes. “And I’m afraid he’s right.”

“Uh, you don’t really *mean* it, do you?” she asked, concerned. “There’s no pressure... This mission won’t last forever.”

“Honestly, Eve? Sometimes I feel like it will last forever... And Bond’s presence gets more addictive every day,” I said, lying on my back again. “I used to make fun of it, but I’m afraid I can’t resist Bond much longer. I mean... Not because he’s irresistible, but because... I really start to feel something for him.”

I took a deep breath and then continued:

“It all depends on what you find. If Mallo... erm, if the man I asked you to spy on... is married, then I don’t see any reason why I shouldn’t have an affair with Bond...”

“Fair enough,” commented Eve. “At least you know what Bond wants from you. Suppose that’s something. But didn’t you admit the other day that you loved Ma...”

“It’s more complicated than you think," I interrupted. "When you spend all days in Bond’s company, it changes your perspective entirely... You’d better hurry then. I am so confused recently...” Damn, I thought. There is no need to burden Eve with all of this... I should probably change the subject. “... but you didn’t tell me anything about yourself, how was your day at the SIS? Any news?”

“Business as usual. I can’t share much detail, but it seems like Amanda’s got reassigned as she had requested.”

“Good for her. Send my love.”

“I will. And I promise to get in touch as soon as I find out anything about... *him*.”

...

The upcoming days passed so fast that I didn’t think about anything apart from what was going on in Monte Carlo. Intuitively both myself and Bond concentrated on the everyday tasks of the mission, but it turned out most of the time we just had fun, which meant our Walther and Beretta were absolutely useless.

Since the only moments I had only to myself were those just before going to bed in the evenings, I often spent them on analyzing my own feelings and, as a result, I developed a certain kind of insomnia. Or, I should rather call it “a difficulty with falling asleep”.

My thoughts were centred on Mallory. I miss him. I miss him dearly, but only when I have time to think about what he's doing in his old-fashioned office in London. When Bond is around, it’s only him who matters to me. Why is that? What the hell has happened to me? I don't know, but it's disturbing. And I get tired every time I try to sort things out in my mind... Can I really sleep with Bond if Mallory’s married? It’s not about giving up on a married man (which is an obvious decision from my point of view, as I would never break up *anyone’s* marriage), but about being honest to myself. Do I really love Mallory if I can fantasize about Bond? Or do I really feel something for Bond if my next move depends on Mallory’s marital status?

After a few evenings of such intense thinking I realized that no matter the arguments, such analysis is pointless. I could be thinking about this for a year and still didn’t come up with a right solution. I decided to wait and see how the case would resolve itself.

On the last day - it was one of those splendid days in June when you feel the most alive - we went to the casino for one more time, looking more dashing than ever. Little did we know, when we walked hand in hand into the casino - Bond wearing a black dinner jacket and me in an evening scarlet dress - that Bond would win the night’s poker game, gaining an enormous amount of money.

Late at night, around 3 A.M. I went straight to the poker table and brought Bond a dry martini (I've already had a few of them myself to relieve the boredom).

"Congratulations," I said, handing him a martini.

"Thank you," replied Bond and drank half of his glass.

I looked at him with aroused interest while he was drinking. I was never good at poker and, as much as I didn't want to, I had to admit the way he played that night impressed me.

"What do we do now?"

For a while, he observed the olives that seemed as if they were swimming inside the glass, and then gave me a quick glance.

"We pack and come back to London."

"Is that so? What about the winnings?" I asked in disbelief, expecting some kind of joke rather than a matter-of-fact response.

"I will have to transfer them to MI6. I have already contacted M, he should send me the instructions in the next few hours."

"You've already contacted M? Someone's in a hurry. Was your time here *that* bad?” I taunted him.

Bond smirked, but didn't say anything. I glanced around the room. The people started to leave the place.

"So, it means we came here broken and we leave broken, despite the win?" I asked, laughing.

"One could say that," Bond agreed. "But I can still afford a dinner and a drink. Would you join me tonight for a humble celebration?"

"With pleasure. Let's enjoy our last hours in this marvellous place,” I said, taking him by the arm.

After the dinner in one of the restaurants at the casino, we went for our last walk around the streets of Monte Carlo. Both me and Bond became unexpectedly talkative, probably because of too many drinks we had to celebrate the happy ending of the mission.

It could have been around 5 A.M when the walk started to feel too exhausting, and we went back to our shared suite.

"Would you like another?" asked Bond, pointing to the bottle of bourbon at the table, just after we locked the door to the suite.

"Yes," I replied. "The last one for tonight."

I have no idea why I agreed to this, cause I've never been drinking much or mixing alcohols in the past. After Bond handed me my glass, I let my hair down and rushed to the balcony. I need to see this amazing city just one more time before I go to sleep, I thought. I observed the skyline, waiting for Bond to join me.

"To the king and queen of Monaco," said Bond and we clinked glasses, standing next to each other.

I smiled at him and drank the whole glass with my eyes closed, but I still could tell he was staring at me.

"You know, Katherine, it's been one of my favourite missions so far."

"Really?”

"Yes... It’s the simplicity of it,” he took off his dinner jacket, thrown it on the nearest chair, and then continued. “The task I'm really good at... the fairy-tale location, no rush... and the right woman. You," he said in his deep, smooth voice and put his glass on the floor.

Then he put one of his hands on the railing and turned to me, but didn’t say a word, as if he intended to find out how close to me I would allow him to move.

“It’s an honour to hear something like that from such an experienced double-0,” I said timidly, still holding the empty glass in my hands.

Bond gazed at me for a few seconds.

"It's true, I've been a double-0 for quite a while," he said and turned his head to look at the skyline of Monte Carlo, "but rarely did I feel this close with another agent. It's strange. I’ve always tried to avoid being emotionally attached to anyone. Cause of the job's nature and all that stuff."

This time it was me who stayed quiet. I just kept listening to him, realizing how much I *love* his voice and how could I listen to him talking *forever*. It occurred to me how beautiful his magnetic blue eyes were, especially in the middle of the night. One could say the same about Bond's face which now seemed to me like the face of the most handsome man on the planet. It should be illegal to be *that* handsome, I thought.

Bond turned his head to me.

"Then I've met you... and it seems I forget about all of those rules in the blink of an eye... it seems I don't control myself anymore."

I don't know how it happened, but in the next moment I found myself in Bond's arms. I felt his embrace, so tight, as if he wanted to protect me from all of the threats of this world. The glass dropped out of my hands and probably broke up, but we didn’t hear anything apart from the sound of our pumping hearts. I placed my hands on Bond’s chest, and we began to kiss, not being able to control the lust that started to fulfil our bodies. I quickly moved my hands to his neck and then the back of his head. I caressed his hair, which felt like the most pleasant material I have ever touched.

"You're the woman of my dreams," whispered Bond, when he started to kiss my neck. In response, I tilted my head back, but continued to touch his hair.

Out of the blue Bond picked me up and headed towards the bedroom. He was in a hurry, wanting to put me on his bed as soon as possible. He took off his shirt and laid down on me, holding my waist and passionately kissing my neck.

"Oh, James," I moaned, as the touch of his lips and hands started to turn me on. “Keep going... umm... And use that nice, deep voice of yours.”

“Like this?” he asked, lowering his voice and biting my ear. “Do you like it?”

“Yes...”

Oh my, I am in heaven. If he doesn't stop, I'll melt, I thought. I let Bond kiss me a few more times, but then moved to the other side of the bed to undress. Bond watched me hungrily as I took off my dress and stockings. And there I was, lying on his bed and wearing only my sexy black lingerie. I thought that he would eat me if he could.

I encouraged Bond with a sensual gesture, touching myself where I wanted to be touched the most. He couldn’t stand watching me for long, and came closer to kiss me again. He slowly moved from my belly and breasts to my neck.

“I've been waiting for this moment since the day we've met," he murmured, while kissing my collarbone.

I closed my eyes to double the thrill and make the experience more intense. My hands moved to his back and held him tighter.

"You drive me crazy," Bond whispered into my ear.

A fast thought crossed my mind. It's true what they say in the Service... nobody does it better... he's definitely a great lay... to hell with “the revenge plot”, go for it, Kath. I was just about to take off my bra, when I heard something was vibrating. I got a text. Great timing. I opened my eyes and reluctantly sat on the bed, bending down to the bedside cabinet.

"Oh, Katherine, just ignore it," said Bond who still caressed my waist with his right hand.

"Look who’s talking," I replied. "The most professional man in the Service... There’s no need to describe this to you..."

I looked at the screen and in that exact moment my adventurous mood was gone. I felt as if my heart stopped for a short while.

Hi, just wanted to let you know that I have some evidence. He's not married anymore. Love, Eve

I quickly locked the screen to prevent Bond from seeing the message, as I felt his touch on my back. He hugged me from behind, kissing my left shoulder.

"Shall we continue?" he asked in his naughty manner.

I froze in my tracks. What about M? How can I fight for him if I sleep with another man right now? I promised myself to fight for Mallory and I have to be consistent. This was fun, but... I love Mallory, right? It's high time to stop playing games... and to finally forget about Bond. Perhaps it's a good sign I got this message before we did antyhing reckless.

I stood up with my back to Bond, still holding the phone in my hands.

"I'm sorry James... but I can't do this,” I declared as seriously as I could.

"But why?" he asked calmly, but his voice was full of disappointment and sadness. "Was it something I did?"

Oh, dear James, I thought. If you only knew how perfectly you did everything...

"No," I replied and turned to him. My voice was shaking a bit. "It was... it was a wonderful night, but I've never slept with a co-worker before... and... I've just realized it would be wrong. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for this," I blurted out and felt a tear doing down my cheek.

Bond seemed not to believe me.

"You've *just* realized it? *Just* after you've got that message," he said, pointing to my phone. "I don't know what this is about, but... we've had such a great time here, why not celebrate it tonight? It doesn’t matter at all that we work together."

I turned my head in embarrassment, trying not to look at him. He stood up and came closer to me.

"I know that you like me," Bond said and placed his hands on my arms. "You can't simply deny our chemistry. You've seen what kind of magic it can cause... you don't have to ruin it."

I took his hands off me and went to the other side of the bed to grab my clothes.

"I'm really sorry, James. It's over."

"It's over before it even started... Strange, isn’t it?"

I ignored him, as I headed toward to the door leading to my part of the suite. I must have looked miserable in my sexy black lingerie, holding my evening dress, and being on the verge of a mental breakdown.

"I don't want to hurt you *again*," I said quietly with my hand on the doorknob.

Bond shook his head.

"You will hurt me if you leave,” he said calmly, but I knew he was full of anger. His eyes told me he was suspicious of everything I’ve said.

As I knew he had the very right to be suspicious, I turned my back on him, trying to get inside my part of the suite. My hands started to shake, making it impossible to quickly open the door.

“You still think about *him*, don’t you Kath...?” Bond asked in a raised voice, with his hands on his hips. “Why do you keep deceiving yourself? He’s not cut out for it! He doesn’t see you this way... and even if something happened between us he wouldn’t care!”

But I would, James. I would, I thought, going inside my part of the suite through the door. I couldn’t bear to look at those cold blue eyes again.

I went up straight to the bathroom and locked the door. I could not think of anything else than just bursting into tears.

You're so stupid, Kath. Mallory thinks you're responsible, but you're just stupid, I thought, looking at myself in the mirror. What was that for? Bond might be a womanizer, but no one deserves to be treated like that. No one. Does he use other women? He does. But it’s none of your business, Kath. You don't offer someone the pleasure and then deny it. You just don’t...

I spend a few minutes sitting on a bathroom’s floor and crying.

But looking on the bright side... at least I got my backup story. Everyone will see something’s happened between us, but no one will ask questions. And if there is a slightest chance M cares about me, he’ll get the message.

I can’t wait for this mission to be really over. By this time tomorrow I shall be in my apartment in London. Alone.

***

To be continued.

[fics-of-my-mind]

Trust - Chapter XIII.

'What is going to happen to us, Nick?' I asked quietly, lacing my fingers through his. 'I mean, you can't just jump into another relationship when you just got out of a marriage. What will we be? Friends? Lovers?'

Nick sighed deeply, turning his gaze away. I didn't like it.

'You're right. We can't jump into a relationship,' he shook his head. 'But I don't think I'd be fine with only being your lover, I care about you way too much to that. While on the other side of things, as much as I adore your mind and the bond we have, I can't hold myself back from touching you. Not with us living in the same city. So, that leaves us...'

'Friends with benefits?' I asked, raising my eyebrow.

'Well, yeah, but let's not call us that. It's way too impersonal.'

'Then what do you want to call us?'

'How 'bout we just stay with Milla and Nick?'

Warnings: mature content, BDSM content Pairing: Nick Jonas / Other Female Character This fanfiction can also be found on Wattpad by fnntth

I don’t own Nick Jonas or any other recognizable characters. This fanfiction is completely fictional, its only purpose is entertainment.

Chapter XIII. - I’ve been California dreamin’

I had no idea what to expect the next day. I spent half of that Saturday in purple haze, with a stupid smile on my face, thinking about the fact that Nick Jonas kissed me last night, that he left his wife, that we weren't cheating anymore. The other half of the day went by worrying about the night. What was going to happen? Was he coming over to finally do what we wanted to do since the first time we met? Was he just coming to talk? What...?

When at seven, my doorbell rand, I was in a frenzy. Even though I've spent a weekend before with Nick in yoga pants and sweatshirts, I felt like it wasn't going to do it tonight, so, trying to seem casual, I put on some black jeans and an also black tank top, with a low-cut back, and showing some cleavage.

I wanted to look good, even put on some makeup. My hair was loose, barely touching my shoulders as I've had it cut into a long-bob style a good two months ago. I've prepared with some wine, music, but most importantly, my mind.

'Hi, Dear,' Nick said, stepping into the apartment and softly pecking my cheek. I tried to hide my disappointment that he didn't kiss me. 'Brought some pizza.'

'Great,' I smiled up at him. Nick looked good, yet again, he always did. He was only wearing a white T-shirt and some washed black jeans, yet he was the hottest man I've ever seen. I wanted him so bad, even though I knew there was a big conversation we had to have before anything could happen.

I didn't care. As anxious I was, as much as I tried to collect my thoughts, the minute Nick set foot in the apartment, all my right mind was gone. I only cared about him, I could only concentrate on him. The way he walked, the way he talked... The way his mere presence made me so calm and relaxed, he was like a sedative pill.

'So,' he started, after we finished eating. We were both comfortably sitting on the bright grey couch, the TV was on, but it was rather just some background noise, since we couldn't stop talking. We had to make up for the last months we've spent without each other's company. 'Tell me, what is on your mind?'

'You,' I chuckled, and Nick joined in, but his eyes were serious. I've never known anyone with the self-control that Nick had.

He didn't push me, he didn't even touch me, as much as I wanted him to. He wanted to clear everything between us first, as much admirable quality as that was, part of me wished that he'd just jump me and finally fuck my brains out. It's been too long since I've been with a man, and Nick's proximity was making me crazy. At the same time, I knew he was right. If we were going to do this, I couldn't have doubts, there couldn't be walls between us. Not in the way Nick wanted us to be together, in the way he wanted to own my mind and body.

Truth is, I did spend the last about 18 hours thinking about this whole thing between us. Did we really have a chance? Was Priyanka really out of the picture? Did Nick truly want to be with me or was it just this insane sexual attraction between us? Was I the one that got away, that he couldn't have which made him want me so much? Where would this lead?

I bit my bottom lip, as hundreds of questions flooded my mind. As much as I trusted Nick and as deeply he knew me, I had trouble talking about this. Maybe the reason was the last few months of us not talking, or just the fact that things between us were becoming real and I was in fact scared shitless... Or just that I've barely talked to men about my feelings in my life, except the times we were more than 6000 miles apart with Nick. This was different. This was personal, intimate even.

'Milla,' Nick said softly, his eyes expecting me to speak. 'C'mon, it's me.' He ran a hand down my arm, stopping around my wrist and leaving it there.

'Am I...' I started, but had to clear my throat. 'I don't want to be your rebound, Nick.' My voice was quiet, yet firm at the same time. He looked at my face, and his expression was like he did not expect this.

'You're not. You can't be a rebound. I've been longing for you for months now. Wanting to be with you, dreaming about you, thinking about you. Even when we weren't talking, you were constantly on my mind. That's not what a rebound is like.'

'How can you be sure?' I asked, not daring to raise my glance at him. I was really afraid that this thing between us would only turn out to be pure lust, nothing more. 'You just got out of a marriage, I can't just expect you to suddenly be over her.'

'I may have only gotten out,' Nick started without missing a beat. 'but romantically speaking, I think I was over her the minute I met you.' This made me look up. Nick's expression was extremely honest, he really did believe what he said.

'Maybe,' I nodded hesitantly. 'But she's still your wife. She is the love of your life, as you've referred to her before. You can't just be over her...' Saying that Priyanka was the love of Nick's life, caused physical pain, but he did say this a while back.

'I said, that I thought she was the love of my life. That's why I married her, but...'

'But you don't think that anymore?' I asked, raising an eyebrow. Nick ran his hand through his hair in frustration.

'I don't think she could be the love of my life if I was able to have feelings for someone else.' I stayed quiet, waiting for Nick to say something else, but he didn't.

'The divorce will hurt your image,' I brought up the next thing on my mind. I've talked about branding with him before, and I never thought he'd take the step of actual separation with his wife, because of the J-sisters and Jonas Brothers + wives image they've built.

'Yeah,' he nodded, sighing deeply. This couldn't have been easy for him, not at all. 'My brothers were the first people I called after Priyanka left. I told them what happened, and apologized for me being the one causing problems again.'

'And?' I asked, raising my eyebrow. I hated seeing Nick blaming himself for everything.

'They understood. Joe's already known about, well, you, so he wasn't really surprised.'

'You've talked about me with Joe?' I asked, my voice thinner than before. The Jonas Brothers were talking about me – this was something I never thought I'd say.

'He's my best friend,' Nick nodded. 'He's also the only one in my family that knows about... my interests.' He didn't have to explain what he meant. 'Anyway, we agreed that I will work on reestablishing my image as a good guy, because as soon as the press finds out that we're separated, I'll surely be the villain.

'What is going to happen to us, Nick?' I asked quietly, lacing my fingers through his. 'I mean, you can't just jump into another relationship when you just got out of a marriage. What will we be? Friends? Lovers?'

Nick sighed deeply, turning his gaze away. I didn't like it.

'You're right. We can't jump into a relationship,' he shook his head. 'But I don't think I'd be fine with only being your lover, I care about you way too much to that. While on the other side of things, as much as I adore your mind and the bond we have, I can't hold myself back from touching you. Not with us living in the same city. So, that leaves us...'

'Friends with benefits?' I asked, raising my eyebrow.

'Well, yeah, but let's not call us that. It's way too impersonal.'

'Then what do you want to call us?'

'How 'bout we just stay with Milla and Nick?' he asked with a soft smile on his face. 'Just until we see where this is going? I just want us to be sure, to leave every single doubt behind before we put a label on this,' he said, motioning between us.

It was logical and I hated it. I didn't want to be just fuck buddies, friends with benefits or whatever. I wanted Nick and I wanted him wholly. But he was right, we had to see if we could even work. I mean, it's one thing that we've developed these feelings while talking and texting, but actually being together in person was different.

I pressed my lips into a straight line, but nodded. Nick reached up, his thumb softly touching the skin of my cheek, as he pulled me closer. He moved us, so I was sitting on his lap, and I could feel the redness creeping onto my face, but before it had a chance to show, Nick finally connected our lips.

Getting used to kissing Nick was definitely something easy. He tasted like so many things at once. His skills were somewhat expert-ish, or maybe it was only my opinion because it's been so long since I kissed anyone, let alone someone I longed for this long. The way his hands kept me pressed to him, while he explored my body was making me insane. I wanted him.

I ran my hands down on his chest, my fingers crawling under his T-shirt. The feeling of his hot skin made me press myself even closer to him, so our crotches were touching, only a few layers of clothing between them. This was nowhere near enough, I wanted all of Nick, to feel his body next to mine, to have him mark me.

When there was no more air left, I pulled back grasping for some oxygen, while Nick directed his lips down my jaw to my neck, sloppily kissing the skin, leaving it even hotter. The second I felt his teeth grazing the thin skin on the side of my neck, I couldn't hold back a moan, instinctively grinding against Nick, feeling the desire between my legs even more.

Removing one of my hands from under his T-shirt, I ran it up to the back of his hair, pulling his face even closer. Nick took it as a permission, and started strongly sucking on my skin. I knew well that it was going to leave a mark, but not even the tiniest bit of me cared.

Nick slipped a hand down to my behind, not letting me move away even a bit, while his other ran upwards along my spine, making me shiver. It only stopped in my hair, grasping it and unexpectedly yanking my head back, making me gasp. Then, he licked his way up from the spot he's just marked, all the way back to my lips.

'I'm not going to fuck you tonight,' he announced, mumbling it against my lips. I wanted to pull back, shocked, and question him, but his strong hold wouldn't let me. Before I could say anything, Nick reconnected our lips, claiming control, which I gave to him without any questions. This kiss wasn't innocent, not at all. His tongue dominantly danced with mine, his teeth bit down on my lips harshly, yet I didn't mind at all.

'What do you mean you aren't going to fuck me tonight?' I asked minutes later, after Nick let me gasp for air. My heart was beating fast against my chest, my lips were buzzing from the kiss. I had no idea how he could say something like we weren't going to have sex tonight. I was already a hot mess and he didn't look too on top either.

'I think you can wait a bit more,' Nick said, making me frown.

'Nick, I've been waiting for months.'

'Which is exactly why the pleasure is going to be even sweeter, if I make you wait a bit longer,' he nodded. What. Was he really going to torture me – and himself – without even properly fucking me once?

'You can't be serious,' I shook my head slowly, looking at him incredulously. I couldn't believe that he'd have this much self-control.

'Oh, I am,' he chuckled meanly. I ground up against his crotch, his semi-hard erection, which made him stop laughing at my misery immediately.

'What about this little problem?' I asked, looking up at Nick's surprised face innocently. He sorted his expression in a few seconds, his hand on my ass pushing me even closer.

'Nothing I can't take care of in the shower. Been doing it for months,' he shrugged, making me groan in misery.

'Nick–'

'We're going to wait,' he cut into my words, probably sensing that I was going to oppose again. 'I'm going to make you want it even more, I'm going to make you desperate, so when I have you, you'll be a hot mess at every single touch of mine.'

'I already am,' I said, not caring about how desperate I sounded. 'I need you.'

'No, you want me now,' he shook his head. 'I want you to get to the state where you need me. Where you can't function properly without me fucking your brains out. Where you are ready to submit yourself to me. And no, Milla, as much as you believe that this is it, that you are ready, you're not.'

He was looking deeply into my eyes through the whole monologue, making me blush. His proximity and the feel of his semi-hard against my throbbing core didn't exactly help. God, I wanted him so bad.

I wanted to oppose, to beg him to fuck me right now. But part of me was already under Nick's control and that part believed that he was right. That he did know me better than I knew myself. That waiting was going to be like a sweet pain, bringing so much sweet pleasure.

'Okay,' I nodded, earning a satisfied smile from Nick.

The next two weeks were like heaven and hell at the same time. We spent our days working, then meeting up in the evenings. Usually Nick would come over, bringing me flowers every day, making me stupidly smile at him, so happy at the attention. We didn't really leave the apartment, only once or twice when we went for a walk on the nearby beach, or when we craved ice cream in the middle of the night.

I didn't sleep much, but I didn't care. Nick would never spend the night, making me want to be awake until long after midnight, wanting to be with him as much as possible. Spending time with him, talking to him, touching him. It felt all too natural, it was crazy.

It was such a twofold experience: for one part Nick was my best friend, sometimes we'd talk for long hours, completely understanding each other's point of view on things like family or investments or politics, or we'd just spend time together in silence, cuddling on the couch – never on the bed, Nick said that the bed was off-limits for now. The other part was dangerous, exciting, it was the part where Nick would control my body, my desires, when he'd intentionally kiss me deeply, only to pull back instantly.

It was like there were two sides of him: the gentleman, that really wanted to know me, to build a relationship with me, and the dominant man, that wanted me to be dependent on him, wanted to control my body. This duplicity, as confusing it sounds, made everything even better, more intense.

He was killing me. Every time he touched my skin, I could feel the goosebumps, every time he kissed me, my stomach would clench, every time I heard his voice, the butterflies were there. I couldn't really think about anything else, just Nick, Nick and Nick. My mind was on him constantly and, as he predicted, my desire for him grew day by day. Now we were at the phase, where only a small peck on my lips would cause pooling wetness between my legs, and touching myself wasn't an option, not with Nick so close.

I hated the fact that he was right, that I could long for him, his touch, his proximity even more. Nick knew well what he was doing, he did it on purpose. Every time I jumped, when he touched my skin, he'd smirk, enjoying the effect he had on my body and my mind. I felt crazy, hungry for his body, thirsty for his touch, and I had no idea how much longer I could take it.

what are you doing on Saturday evening?

It was the week of Halloween, which meant that there were going to be all sorts of Halloween parties in the city, one of which I'm sure Erica would drag me to. Not that we had concrete plans.

I don't know

Something on your mind?

good

don't plan anything

I was sure that Nick had something in his mind, something that I wasn't sure I was going to like. Not that I cared. If it meant that I would be spending time with him, I was down for anything. Not that he was so keen on sharing details with me, he said that I was going to know everything in its time.

All he told me was to get a white or black dress, so I did. I chose a white, sleeveless bandage dress, which made my body look extremely good. I was still nervous that my dress wouldn't be suitable for the occasion, given that I had no idea what exactly the occasion was.

On Saturday morning, when I got a big package, delivered to my door, I started getting ideas on what kind of plans exactly Nick had. The big, black box had some silk paper inside it, and, also some specific gifts, an elegant invitation to a masquerade ball, organized in the Hollywood hills, plus a golden masque. It was only made to cover my eyes it was like lace, yet made from some hard material. I gasped, holding it in my hand. There was also a note, with Nick's handwriting:

I'll find you tonight

X Nick

I smiled at the thought. I liked it, the whole idea.

Not that I wasn't surprised that he was actually taking me out in public, but a masquerade party did seem like something we could attend without being caught together. I was sure, though that I'd recognize him anywhere, even in a mask, yet I trusted his judgement. It was after all his reputation on stake, not mine.

I also liked the fact that he didn't insist on picking me up. Arriving alone – as awkward it could be – meant that nobody was going to care about me, and nobody would get an idea that I was there with Nick.

I looked pretty good, I guess. Even though my dress wasn't designer, it made my body look amazing, putting emphasis on my curves, the deep neckline letting just enough of my breasts to be seen. My waist looked much more slender in the dress than anyway, and the slit on the left side gave an occasional view on my thighs, that actually looked nice thanks to the golden heels.

I've never really been a heels type of girl before, but I guess LA changed my view. I felt much prettier in them, they made my posture sexier, and I didn't mind the extra few inches of height.

I left my hair loose, barely touching my shoulders. My makeup was pretty nice, I made smoky eyes and put on some red lipstick. My purse was also gold, matching the heels and the mask.

When I got out of the Uber in Hollywood Heels, just in front of the house the party was held in, I mentally thanked Nick once again for letting me come alone. There was paparazzi outside, which made me think that the house must've belonged to someone extremely famous, yet I somehow forgot to ask Nick, who it was. I was much more excited about the night itself, than the host.

I slipped in without anyone stopping me, only putting on the mask when I stepped through the glass doors, into the foyer of the mansion. I was faced with security guards, asking for the invitation which I handed them. The next stop was a table, with a professional-looking woman behind it, who asked for my phone, and gave me a ticket in exchange. Oh, so it was a no phone party. This was going to be good.

I was excited, as I walked inside the living area of the place, swarmed with people, all wearing masks. I could recognize some of them anyway, for example James Corden, Lizzo, and I even caught Zayn Malik and Gigi Hadid. It was insane, I was in awe of where I have gotten.

I walked around for a bit, searching for Nick, but then many things took my attention. It wasn't just a normal masquerade party, there were small productions happening in every room. There were aerialists in the living room, fire-blowers on the outside patio. In the kitchen there was a small play happening, involving the guests. In the hall, someone was playing the piano, singing along.

I didn't know where to look. There were waiters and waitresses walking around with champagne, but I decided on something stronger, so walking to the open bar, I asked for a gin and tonic. Then, with my drink in my hand, I walked out to the patio, to watch the fire-blowers for a while. I stood behind, just by the railing, trying to watch them, but not getting into the middle of the crowd.

This party was way too much for me, and as much as I was mesmerized by it, I needed the gin down my throat to calm my nerves. It wasn't just the party though. I was nervous about Nick too, he wouldn't bring me here if he wasn't planning on doing something later.

I believed that tonight was going to be the night. Hell, I hoped it was. I wasn't sure I could've taken this back and forth game, this being with him, but not the way I wanted to be any longer. It was already making me feel crazy out of my mind.

Maybe thanks to the fact that I've spent the last two weeks in Nick's company and was hyper-aware of his proximity every single time, I immediately felt him behind my back, without having to turn around. I just knew it was him, I had no doubts. His unique scent engulfed me, and as embarrassing it is, it instantly made my mouth water.

Nick seemed to be really good at this conditioning thing.

He stood close enough that I could feel the heat of his body, but he wasn't touching me. His lips were hoovering just above the skin of my shoulder, his stubble barely grazing the side of my neck.

'You look breathtaking,' he murmured to my ear, so I was the only one that could hear it. 'Though I got to admit, I expected you to go for the black.'

No surprise there, most of my clothes were black. I loved that color, I felt comfortable in it, so naturally Nick's barely seen me in anything else. Now the white was a change.

'I thought white is more suitable for the occasion,' I replied, still looking at the production in front of us. I remembered our conversation about the importance of the color of underwear, and if I wanted to wear white lingerie tonight, I had to go with a matching dress.

'Well, if you wanted to make heads turn, you choose right,' he smirked against my skin.

'Are you jealous?' I asked, chuckling. I didn't really believe his words, but I was going along with it.

'Maybe a little,' Nick nodded and with the move I could feel his lips softly touching my skin, making me shiver. 'But there's a difference between me and anyone else.'

'What?' I asked, swallowing. I wanted him already, and if he was going to say that he wasn't going to fuck me tonight, I was going to go even madder.

'I get to actually have you tonight,' he said, and I had to clench my legs to help the burning between my legs already, which was there without Nick actually touching me, with just the promise of what was going to happen tonight.

I turned around immediately, wrapping my hands around his neck and connecting our lips. I could feel Nick's smirk against my lips, but I didn't care. His hands were on my waist right away, pulling me closer. He was still taller than me, like usually, the upper part of his face was also covered by a golden mask, which annoyed me, since I couldn't run my hand along his face.

The kiss got heated in mere seconds, as Nick's tongue started exploring my mouth. I didn't care how many people were around us, the only thing on my mind was him and his proximity.

'Behave,' Nick mumbled, barely pulling away after long minutes of our heated make-out session. I pulled one of my hands from behind his back, running it along his pink and inviting lips, which were now smeared red thanks to my lipstick.

'How long do you plan on staying?' I asked, trying to get my breathing under control. I was impatient, especially since Nick has given the green light for us to finally have sex. I wanted him so much, I wouldn't have cared if he took me up into one of the bedrooms and fucked me here, in a stranger's house, with a party going on downstairs.

'Not long. Have to say hi to a few people though,' he replied. 'Go, have fun. I'll find you when we're good to go.'

I nodded, and with another peck on his lips, I turned around and made my way into the fancy bathroom to fix my makeup, since I must've looked like a mess. Getting into the bathroom was easy, it was like a huge space, with two stalls... I didn't really understand why someone would need two stalls in the bathroom in their own house, but whatever.

Heading for the mirror, I didn't even look around to see if anyone else was inside. I tried fixing the mess around my lips that kissing Nick has caused with some success, and, given that I wasn't paying any attention to my surroundings, I was startled when someone cleared their throat behind me.

Turning around immediately, I was face to face with someone I recognized right away, without ever meeting her.

'Hi,' I said in my shock, trying to get over being star struck. I did not expect her out of every LA celebrity to be here, and I'm pretty sure if Nick knew she was going to attend this party, he wouldn't have brought me here.

'Hey,' Demi smiled at me a bit shyly. 'Do you perhaps have a tissue I could borrow? The toilette paper is all gone.'

'Sure,' I nodded, taking some tissues out of my purse and handing them to her. Running out of toilette paper in an A-list Hollywood party wasn't something I'd expect to experience.

'Thanks, you're saving my life,' she grinned at me, but instead of turning around and heading into one of the stalls, she stood in her place, looking at me hesitantly. 'I saw you outside with Nick.'

Of course she did. The mask didn't hide his identity, as I've expected, and neither did it make him unrecognizable. I could feel the heat creeping onto my cheek, especially after I reminded myself of all the things that happened between Nick and Demi, the fact that they slept together, fallen in love, then had a falling out.

'Um...' I started, trying to come up with an excuse, but Demi didn't let me.

'Hey, it's cool with me,' she smiled at me. 'So I guess him and that awful Indian woman are over? The Nick I know would never cheat,' she added, as if I didn't know already.

'Yeah, seems like it,' I nodded, feeling uncomfortable talking about Nick's life. It was private, I shouldn't have been the one to share it with Demi.

'Be careful, honey,' she told me, before turning around and heading into one of the stalls. 'Nick Jonas can be a real heartbreaker, even if you don't expect it from him.'

I looked after her in shock, but gathered the contents of my purse and headed back to the party as soon as possible. I didn't expect to get advice about my love life about Demi Lovato, neither did I expect on her words sticking in my mind.

I needed another drink.

[armillary-spheres-lover]

Hey

Idk if you ever got the answer to your thing. But I’m a person who is queer but regularly uses the term lesbian to make things simpler. I can tell you why I hate the phrase monosexual- it feels transphobic to me- I am not attracted to men at all, but I am attracted to women, non-binary folks, gender queer folks, and agender folks. If I was with a partner and they transitioned to be a man I would still love them. That wouldn’t change. Sexuality is fluid and calling someone monosexual seems to erase that and really put people in boxes. Everyone has exceptions. And as someone who has identified as bisexual and pansexual in the past and find those not to suit me and fit right (especially since I am not sexually/romantically attracted to people physically/based on appearances- it’s more about personality and what I could do with a person)

I don’t mean this in an antagonistic way, I really hope it doesn’t come off that way(I’m bad expressing myself sorry).

(I’m sorry, I know you’re not trying to be rude. My answer, however, will sound rude and upset because you touched upon some stuff that needs a lot of unpacking to me lmao. Just know this anger is not necessarily directed at you but at biphobia in general.)

Why do bisexual people may need to use the term monosexual?

A. It is descriptive

I see what you mean but as you said you're queer and lesbian is a term to make things simpler, right?

So I wouldnt call you monosexual because you’re clearly not attracted to only one gender (but if you want to who I am to stop you?). Monosexual is someone who is almost exclusively dating/is attracted to people of one gender. There are plenty trans people that are straight or gay that would NOT date a partner if they realized they were a different gender. For real: kat blaque made a video (here it is if youre interested) on youtube about this - she’s trans and she wants to date men and wouldnt feel comfortable on continuing dating if a partner of hers realized they were actually a trans woman all along. She wants to date guys not girls and that's FINE it just means A. She actually recognizes the girl gender, obviously B. She's straight af and that's wonderful! It’s not a box if that’s how her experience is and she likes it that way!

Also how is being monosexual transphobic? Cant a girl just like guys exclusively (both cis and trans) or like girls exclusively (both cis and trans)? It's not even enbyphobic since you dont need to be attracted to a person to support their rights. (Gay men arent attracted to women but can be 100% feminists.) Being open to fuck somebody is not the same as supporting their rights: fetishization is a thing. Again, I refer to the video Kat Blaque made.

Sexuality IS fluid but to some people (like me and you) it is more than others. Some people don’t feel comfortable dating people that dont fall into the gender theyre usually attracted to and thats 100% okay.

B. It helps in talking about biphobia and panphobia in society

Biphobia and panphobia are for the large part based on the assumption that you cant be attracted to more than one gender (not even non-binary and so on) and that if you do you're weird/disgusting/mentally ill/a sexual predator. I can tell you 100% that's the narrative both straight and gay people can and may perpetuate since I struggle w this kind of shit every single time Im attracted to someone no matter their gender (YES, EVEN IF THEY'RE A GUY, BECAUSE THE OTHER DAY I WAS ATTRACTED TO A GIRL AND NOW I FEEL LIKE A FUCKING ANIMAL THAT CANT CONTROL ITSELF, even though it makes NO sense because if it was two girls or two boys the actual number of people my hormones activated to wouldnt change, but it would make my experience not subjected to biphobia!). I’m not saying gay people are the same as straight people. But I do feel alienated BOTH from heteronormative society AND from (subtly biphobic) gay spaces because of my bisexuality. I costantly feel like I’m outside both of those worlds and you know how humans are: I just need a term to encompass it all easily, to say “I don’t identify with any of this” (which is both straight and strictly gay spaces: ie, monosexual). To me is literally the same as saying non-bisexual/non-pansexual.

I dont mean to say lesbians or gays have it easier or are just like straight people. But we do have different experiences and I need terms to express that. It honestly doesnt matter to me if you identify as lesbian or queer (though I think you’re implying you’re more queer than anything). But I do need a term to talk about how society at large treats sexuality; ie, as a monosexual thing. Another concept that’s been thrown around is bi erasure. A strictly monosexual society is bound to view a girl dating a girl (or girl presenting) as if theyre both LESBIANS and erase a queer person the moment they’re in a m/f relationship, because people cant COMPUTE that it may not be the case and that the girl dating a cis straight dude isnt betraying her queerness.To think so is basic biphobia.

In some ways, I think it’s the same as when transgender people started using the term cisgender - which is applicable to both straight people and queer/gay people. They simply needed a term which meant “not-trans” as they were saying “I dont identify with this” (ie the cisgender experience). Does it imply that cisgender people, no matter if queer, have something in common? Yeah, yeah it does. Does it imply that queer people are just the same as straight people, or face no oppression? Of course not. Seeing people being offended upon being called monosexual feels like people being offended upon being called cis to me.

Also, saying that the terms bisexual people use are transphobic is almost implying that bisexuality is inherently transphobic? Or reeks to me of that kind of rhetoric. I use the terms I need to use, just like any other marginilized group does, and nobody outside of that group has any right of denying me that. It’s like I’m trying to create a safe space for myself and people like me and yall come around to judge us YET AGAIN. And I'm just tired of hearing this bullshit. I could accept this kind of criticism only if it came from a trans person themselves, I guess? But it’s not usually trans people who accuse us of being transphobic, in fact, many trans people identify as bisexual and use bisexual terminology lmfao.

“Hearts not parts” rhetoric

Finally, about personality being superior to physical appearance. That's amazing but I do want to note that, not you necessarily, but many people who are into the “hearts not parts” rhetoric are, how can I say this. Slut-shaming people? I’m not sure if you are doing this but I feel it needs to be said just to be sure. A lesbian trans woman can be just attracted to a girl for her physical appearance and just want to fuck her - and THAT'S OKAY. That's fine. I am a sexually attracted to people and that doesnt mean I have to form a deep bond first. Sex positivity is about accepting that people can feel like this and not shame them for this. "Hearts not parts” rhetoric has in the past infantilized, sanitized or outright shamed other queer experiences. It's fine if you feel that way but dont start acting like you're morally superior because of that. That's catholicism with extra steps. My bisexuality its not the symptom of some predatory and animalistic thing that should be purified into something more palatable and less sexual. That’s the same thing they used to say about gay people and now gay (biphobic) people are using this against us. That’s also the kind of thing trans women (especially if they’re sapphic) constantly hear every fucking day. Queer people have a good part of their discrimination rooted in the shaming of purely sexual desires. Forcing ourselves to be more palatable and less sexual is just respectability politics. I’m tired of it. (This is obviously different from being on the asexual spectrum: but you dont see ace people going around pretending they’re morally superior than everybody else, and many are actually very sex positive)   You would still love your partner if they were a different gender: that’s great, but that’s not how some (most) people feel, and they aren’t superficial because of this, just different from you.

Also, I think you’d really benefit from hearing a trans person say they don’t care if someone has genitalia preferences. Here it is. This obviously doesnt mean that every trans person will feel like she does, but it does mean that we can’t generalize trans experiences/preferences/what they feel transphobia is. Just like straight people dont get to say what’s homophobic or not, cis people dont get to say what’s transphobic or not. The definition of those terms relies entirely on the community that is targeted by these things.

I hope this wasnt excessively confusing but I wanted to make my point clear.

[chayacat]

Devil’s Sweet Star (9)

Fandom: Dead by Daylight

Ghostface x Female Reader  

Rated M for Violence, Language and Smut  

***

The rain... both beautiful and sad to look at. A real inspiration for some, a moment of relaxation for others. But for you it's mostly the day when people will flock to your café to protect themselves, sipping a good hot chocolate, tea or a good coffee.  

Today you only open in the morning, the weekend is approaching and you want to take a little more time for yourself. There were not many people at the moment, Melina, Jed's colleague and friend, was among the first clients. Decidedly you will attract all the Roseville gazette to your café... You were sitting with her at the table right next to the counter, both with a coffee in her hand, Melina having taken a share of Neptune's cake with her coffee.

Melina Catalina Da silva was born in Las cruces, New Mexico, to a Spanish father and a Mexican mother. They moved to Missouri when she was 4 years old, to live the "American Dream" and, although the early days were difficult, her parents gave her access to education. If her physique and her voice opened the doors of cinema and music, it was to journalism that Melina turned. However, do not rely on appearances, she knows very well to fight and some ended up in the hospital.

“I can't believe, he really told you that?” you said laughing.

“Hell yeah! He thought I was going to shut up after that, instead I blew him a few teeth! You had to see his head with less teeth. Frankly leave me like that... for a bimbo with three tons of paint as make-up, because I was not the easy girl he wanted.” Melina responds proudly.

“Ah Boys... They always want sexy girlfriends who have three neurons. And then we are surprised that some complexes on their bodies. When you love, the body doesn't matter. Only inner beauty matters.”

“Few boys have the same thought. The only ones I've met are Mattew... And Jed.”

“Tell me, you and Jed... Are you already...?”

“Me and Jed?” Starts Melina before laughing. “Hahahaha! You’re so cute! No, we never dated, I consider him as the little brother I never had. That's why I call him Jeddy. And sometimes I'll kick his ass, so he can focus more on his personal life than his professional life.”  

“Oh... Could you tell me more about him? I admit I don't know him as well as you do.” you ask shyly.  

“Well, Jed is... He's a real nerd. He thinks about work all the time and even on days off, he works at home. But... He's a lovely boy when you know him. And when you know what he went through with his parents... sometimes I think that, if I had been in his shoes, I would have killed myself. But he... He got up and fought. He has learned to fend for himself, and he has an almost frightening patience.” Said Melina.

“That's what he told me. And I think I would have ended my life too.” you said looking down to your coffee.

“And yet he didn't tell you everything about his childhood. His parents beat him and treated him like a dog, often leading him to the hospital. And of course, they said it was accidents, like falling off stairs and everything that goes with it. As he must have told you, he was an unwanted kid. But the worst part is that the whole family knew, and no one, absolutely no one helped him. So, he cut ties with his family, all he keeps from them is his last name. He deserved better than that. And when I see what he is today... if I didn't know all this, I'd say he's a lovely boy who was raised like any boys should be. Kind and respectful, but not to be annoyed.” Replied Melina before looking at you, a big smile on her face. “Why do you want to know all this? Do you love him?”

“W-What??? N-no! It's only... curiosity. Just curiosity...” you respond blushing like a tomato.

“Hey. There is no marked "dumb" on my forehead. I saw the little looks you were giving him. And then your face when he gave you his number, I saw it too.”  replied Melina with a smirk.  

“It's embarrassing.” you answer by looking elsewhere.

“Why??? I think it's so cute coming from you! In addition to what you told me about you, I don't understand why no one wanted to go out with a face as adorable as yours! You know, my grandmother used to tell me that sooner or later we'd find her soul mate. That when we born, the bonds were already woven to guide us to him or her. And nothing could stop it. Maybe you and Jed have that bond that brought you together. Now it's up to you to see what you're going to do.” Said Melina before eating her slice of Neptune’s pie.  

“If you say so...”

“My grandma never gets it wrong about this kind of thing. She has... a gift for this mystical stuff. She knew from an early age that she would meet my grandpa. And she knows that my mother will be my father's first and only wife. She even knew that Mattew would go out with Chris.”

“She’s really amazing. But I don't want to force things. I will let things come on their own and I will act on them. I’ll see what happens.”

Melina nod, then you go back to the counter to take care of the customers for the rest of the morning. For once, Jed didn't come and you're a little worried about that. Considering what happened to him yesterday, you can imagine the worst. What if Mike had gone after him again?

You and Melina were the last to leave the café at closing, and even though she assured you that Mike didn't know his address, your concern for Jed didn't go away. You go home with some unsold cakes, give some to Mrs. Lawson before heading to your apartment.  

Your gaze rested for a few seconds on Jed's door and, biting your lips, you decide to check by yourself if everything was okay. You knock on his door. No noise. There's no answer. This is not a good sign. You knock a second time, praying that he's answering.

“One minute, I'm on my way!” he said from the other side of the door, which made you sigh with relief. Thank god he’s alive... “Yes? Oh! It's you.” he said with his angelic smile.

“Hi. I... I was just here to hear from you. With what happened... I confess that I imagined the worst.” you said shyly.  

“Oh... That's very kind of you, thank you. Don't worry Mike doesn't know where I live. It does not risk ... to come and finish the job. I was focused for tomorrow night. We have a scandal to uncover. And a few more researches don't hurt.”

“You're reassuring me. I mean half, I hope you didn't sleepless for this research! I brought you some cakes, at least what Mrs. Lawson left. I thought it would do you good.”

“All the cakes you give me will always be a real sweet moment for me. Do you want to come in? I'm offering coffee for once.” He replied with a wink.  

You nod and he let you in. His apartment was neat and had all the comfort Jed needed. Despite the coat rack at the entrance, Jed had the tendency to put his jackets and coats on chairs or sofa. The kitchen was tidy and clean, some small green plants hanging around the corners.

A few films were on the tv cabinet, a reminder of the days when streaming didn't yet exist, as well as some CDs. Paintings decorated the walls of the living room and hallway, and a library full of books, next to the window. A real journalist's apartment, in short.

“Surprisingly, I expected to see this style of decoration. Simple but comfortable. And... Do you work in your living room?” you ask with a smile.

“Ha ha no, I have an office right next to my bedroom. Locked, in order to keep my job... Safe. I hope... You understand that.”

“Of course. So... Ready for tomorrow night? I must admit that this is the first time I go to this kind of event, and especially to play spies. I feel a little uncomfortable.”  

“As long as you stay with me, you'll be peaceful. But once we have what we are looking for, we will have to leave the place without raising suspicions. And I think I have an idea of what to look for.” He said before getting up and fetching something from his office, locking the door. “I think that... Hoggins will try to double his profits by sinking the last trade he just signed. I made some research about him and discovered that he had signed 4 more partnerships with former competitors, and that these 4 partnerships all flowed because of Mckellan.”

“You think, Hoggins is planning all this with McKellan, with the goal of eliminating his competitors all over the country, and thus being the only one on the market?” you ask looking at the papers.

“I'm sure. By removing his competitors, he recovers the shares that are due to him, if it’s not the whole. And so, he becomes more influential. The goal is to be, with McKellan, the only big fortunes, in the American market. We need to find proof of all this. An e-mail, a written record, between Hoggins and McKellan. And the only place you can find all of this is in his office. And if we succeed, one of the biggest scandals of this decade will come to light.”

“It looks risky. But I'm up for it! if we can put that bastard in jail, I'm ready for anything!” you said determined which made Jed smiles and Danny smiles bigger.  

You chat with him for a long time, laughing heartily and, in the early evening, you leave his apartment with a big smile on your face. It's really nice to talk to a boy as nice as him. Maybe Melina was right, maybe you and Jed were destined to meet? It is said that things never happen through chance, but there is no question of forcing fate either. If something has to happen between you, it will come naturally.

You open the door to your fridge to see what you're going to devour tonight. Homemade nems will be perfect! plus you have everything you need so no need to go out. You want to prepare everything while singing, you love to sing whether in the kitchen or in the shower, washing dishes or cleaning. You have a voice worthy of a bird song. You could have been a singer! But if it was to end up alcolic or drugged ... it wasn't worth it.

Tonight, a horror movie goes on TV, it will change you from those rotten action movies you've seen recently, with a budget as big as the best movies made so far. All with a homemade peach iced tea. Even the drinks, you make them yourself. You don't like industrial products too much, too much fat, too many conservators, too many sugars. Just horrible.  

Once your nems are ready, you prepare your meal tray, and you'll land in front of your TV, right in time for the start of the movie. it was a classic slasher, but it was always having its effect ... especially with a chainsaw. In the middle of the film, you get up to clean your plate and glass before wiping and storing them.  You start yawning while stretching, but you don't want to sleep. You turn off the living room lights and sit back on your couch to see the rest of the movie.

As sleep made you feel carried away, a noise startled you. You get up, slightly trembling and start heading towards the source of the noise. Steps were heard and you rushed to the kitchen to take something to defend yourself.

“I don't recommend it; you could hurt yourself with that little knife.” said a man voice who caught your arm and turned you in front of him, blocking your arms. And the only thing visible in the dark was this mask... “Glad to see you again...My sweet little star.” He said with a soft voice.

“It's not reciprocal.” you respond coldly.

“Ouch, you hurt me so hard. You should be kinder to me. After all, I let you live because my curiosity, about you, took over my desire to bleed that pretty neck.” He replied caressing your neck with his fingertips.

“How did you get in? And if you're not here to kill me, what do you want?”

“It’s a secret. I wanted to see you... face to face. And also, to speak like good friends. You seem to get along well with the little nerd... to play little spies. All this to bring down men I could kill... If you ask me.” he said, chuckling a little.

“Certainly not! I will never kill anyone with my own hands, Even less ask someone to do it!” you respond trying to get you out a little bit, in vain.

“Oh come on. Don't tell me you're a little naive girl who thinks solve all her problems legally. Sometimes you have to use radical means to overcome certain problems... Thorny. Deep down, you want to. You'd like me to shove that knife deep down his throat, to mutilate him for threatening you like this. I know everything he's trying to do to you... absolutely everything.” he replied, gently passing his knife along your face, without hurting you.

“Stop it! Let me go!” you said wiggling before he takes off his hands laughing and backing up. “You’re just a f***ing psycho!”  

“ouch you hurt me again. But I get used to it. Anyway... This guy will die sooner or later by my hands. We can talk about what you owe me at that point. But until we meet again... Pay attention to yourself and your sweet angel face, my sweet little star. You sing divinely well by the way.”  

He stroked your cheek before leaving through the window. You catch your breath, trying to relax your muscles. You close all the shutters and windows of your apartment before turning off the TV and going to bed.  

You look at the roof, thinking back to his words. Deep down, he was right. Solving all problems peacefully is not always the solution, but killing someone is worse. You have always been raised so as to use diplomacy more often than force. And that's not going to change. Even if McKellan deserves to be slaughtered for everything he's done? You sigh and turn off the lamp before covering up.

Tomorrow night will be the big night. And you won't have the right to make mistakes.

***

(Done! It was hard but I've made it! in fact I'm so excited to start the next chapter because I’ve got a lot of ideas in my mind! I'll hope you'll enjoyed it like the others! and don't forget if you have questions or you want to talk or if you have pages to recommend me just do!  See ya!)  

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #338

“i can’t decide if you’re wearing me out, or wearing me well”

Are you a fan of techno? I've gotten more into it lately, actually. I've never minded it. Who’s your favorite horror movie villain/monster? Pyramid Head, though he's called Red Pyramid Thing in the movies. Do you have a favorite muscle car? Nah. I'm not big into cars. What would be a total deal-breaker for you, relationship-wise? You so much as lift your hand at me, bye, motherfucker. Would you consider yourself to be accepting of others? Yes, but not as much as I used to be. There are certain opinions I just don't tolerate in people anymore; I feel like by staying associated with people whose views invalidate or in any way harm others (racism, homophobia, transphobia, etc.), you're on the side of evil as well, even if indirectly. However, I genuinely do feel I have a wide range of viewpoints I'm willing to accept in others, even if I don't agree with them. Are you flirtatious? No. I think I'm only capable of flirting with someone I'm already with and very comfortable around. I'd feel way too shy and awkward otherwise. Have you ever just felt "drawn" to someone, but you didn’t know why? "Didn't know why," no. I've felt drawn to people with good reason, like if I was romantically interested in them. Is there anyone you currently want to reach out to? There's a number, honestly. Especially with the aid of therapy, I'm being motivated to strengthen bonds with old friends and/or acquaintances via Facebook. Freddy or Jason? I think Jason is scarier. Freddy tends to come across as cheesy for me. Have stickers or gems on your cell phone? Nah. Ever teased your hair? Bitch I damn well tried in high school because I wanted the ~ l e g i t ~ emo hair, but mine was just too heavy to hold, at least with the hairspray my sister had. Have any friends with benefits? Nah, that's never been my thing. Ever lost of bunch of valuable information? Ummm I don't believe so. I've lost massive RP posts before, but I can't really call those "valuable information." What drinks or food make you hyper? None, really. Most expensive thing you ever bought? With my own money, my snake. She's a champagne morph ball python. What type of toothpaste do you use? Crest. How much time to spend putting on makeup daily? Zero. When listening to a song, what do you listen for (lyrics, bass, beat, ect)? The beat, more than anything else. What is the color of your toothbrush? It's a white electric one. What is your favorite color(s) of eye-makeup? Black. Just black. Are you sexually active? I'm not. Do you have sensitive skin? Very. Are you attracted to several guys atm? I'm actually not attracted to any guys in my personal life atm. How many toilets are in your house? Two. Do you have an older sister? Excluding the one I don't know, I have three older sisters. Favorite song by Owl City? Probably "Hot Air Balloon," but I don't know many at all. What color is your mum’s car? White. Do you truly understand the (LDS) Mormon religion? I don't know what "LDS" means, but as my former best friend developed into a Mormon, I learned some stuff from her in her self-discovery. I don't remember a lot of it, not that I knew all that much in the first place. Where do you keep your kitty litter box? Ugh, Mom's unmovable about it being in my fucking room for some reason. And we have an extra goddamn room no one uses yet. Roman's shit STINKS, like we think something might actually be wrong, but nope, it has to stay in here. e_e It would literally inconvenience nobody if we moved it in the spare room. Are you a lighter complexion than your father? MUCH lighter. He's very tan. Do you like apricots? No. Solid soap bar or liquid body wash? 100% body wash. Bar soap slips so easily, and as someone who lives with another person, I'm not rubbing my body with the same bar my mother uses, no offense to her. Sharing it's just gross. Where do you live (country or state)? Shitty 'ole North Carolina. Do you use plastic, wooden, or wire hangers? I think we have a mix of them, actually. What is your favorite shade of yellow? I only like pastel yellow. Otherwise, it's one of my least favorite colors. Are there any shades of blue that you don’t like? If so, which ones? Ehhh not really. What is something you want to accomplish before you turn 30? God, can I please have a stable career by then. Who has the best decorated house in your town? I don't know. We live in a cul de sac community thing where it's just houses next to houses, so there's a lot to choose from. I don't pay attention to them. What is your favorite part of Halloween? The decorations. Do you feel a connection to the moon? "As above, so below," as the saying goes. What does your heart long for? Peace and contentness with myself. Did you decorate a pumpkin this year? Last year, I didn't. I do want to this year, though, if I can just think of a really good idea. I have to be motivated. What are some fall activities you would do with your kids? I'm not having kids, but I'll follow along, hypothetically. With how much joy Halloween brought me as a kid, I'd want to do SO much as a family with them. Homemade decorations, carving or painting pumpkins together, and hell yeah I'd be taking them trick-or-treating once I felt they were ready and they wanted to. I'd be one of those parents that probably spends too much on whatever costumes they want, haha... Oh, and then besides Halloween, I'd certainly rake leaf piles together for them to jump and play in. This question has brought to mind like ONE thing I could enjoy as a parent, haha. Have you ever seen a fox? I have; besides in a zoo setting, I've seen one or two in the wild run out of sight, and I also found one poor fellow as roadkill that had been disemboweled by I'm assuming vultures. With my whole roadkill photography thing, I literally almost kneeled into a strand of intestines I didn't see at first. :x What color are the squirrels where you live? We only have brown ones. Is there anything about Halloween you find offensive? lol no What do the trees look like where you live? Lots, and lots, and LOTS of pine trees... There are others, but I'm not well-informed on tree species and such. Oh, then of course there are dogwoods (our "state tree"), which are unmistakable because they smell like fucking manure. What is your dream vacation? Maybe the mountains on the western side of NC during the fall... ugh, that would be breathtaking. We actually have an abandoned The Wizard of Oz-themed park around there that allows tours at certain times of the year, and I'd love to visit and photograph there. As well, western NC has the zoo, which would be spectacular to visit with autumn weather and, once again, load up on photos. Did you like field trips when you were a kid? I LOVED field trips. Do you find museums boring or interesting? Very interesting! Would you ever wear a shirt with your country’s flag on it? No. I'm not patriotic enough at all for that. What’s a medicine that makes you sleepy? Historically, larger doses of Klonopin can knock me the fuck out. Do you like bath bombs? Never used one, because I don't do baths. Who are your favorite small YouTubers? I'm going to guesstimate you mean less than 1M subs as "small," because I really don't know what you consider to fit that description. I watch a lot of people with less than 1M, so it's hard to say, but lately it's probably been a let's player John Wolfe. He's really funny. Then there's some tarantula YouTubers, along with the animal educator Emzotic... and really just many others. I think most of the people I watch actually have sub-1M, but more than 500k. Who are your favorite big YouTubers? Markiplier is absolutely, positively #1. I also really enjoy Snake Discovery, GameGrumps, Jeffree Star (don't judge me ok, he's a fuckin hoot), and while I haven't watched them in years, Good Mythical Morning will ALWAYS be deeply, deeeeply embedded in my heart. What was your favorite girl group when you were growing up? Ummm probably the Spice Girls? Have you ever used an outhouse? Ugh, yes, at old childhood sports games. What was the last good cause you donated towards? When I cut off like 8+ inches of hair to accomplish the style I have now, I donated it to Children With Hair Loss. My hair has always been mega-thick and healthy, so why in the world waste it? One of my most cherished items is the certificate I got in return many months later that my donation had been used. Have any of your exes gotten married or had kids since your breakup? I haven't had contact with Juan in many years, don't know what Tyler's up to either, and I haven't spoken to Jason since 2017, so. I'm very doubtful he's married or has kids yet, though, just knowing him and how "I need to be fully prepared for this" he is with big life stuff like that. Does it bother you when people get super emotional? Not at all. I'll do my all to comfort them. Have you ever worked in a restaurant? No. Do you get a lot of thunderstorms where you live? Depends on the time of year. Summertime? Brief but super intense thunderstorms every late afternoon. What was the last drive-thru you went through? Taco Bell w/ Mom. Do you know anyone who claims they can see/feel spirits or other supernatural ‘things?’ No. Do either of your parents have a mental illness? My mom has depression, and Mom is also convinced Dad has either depression masked as anger and/or bipolarity, but following the divorce, I don't see it in him at all. He's never seen a doctor in that field to be diagnosed with any mental illness. What fun things are there to do where you live? Jackshit. Do you know anyone with a really poorly-trained dog? Mother of fucking god, yes. My little sister lives with her best friend, and said friend has a colossal black lab named Hudson that is absolutely uncontrollable because she neglects the shit out of him. Won't listen to you even if it saved his life. He jumps on you, barks endlessly, and if he escapes the house? Good fucking luck getting him inside. She has absolutely no right to own a dog with how shitty of an owner she honestly is. When you were growing up, did your family rent or own your home? They owned it. The idiots who were moving in after us accidentally burnt the place to a fucking crisp, and my parents were SO not happy to lose that house because people were dumb enough to place boxes atop the goddamn stove. Do you do meal-prepping? No. Do you know anyone who got preggo less than a year into their relationship? Multiple people, not that that's my business. What did you dream about last night? I don't remember it clearly, other than I was with Jason and his mother was also present. What's the biggest age difference you've ever had in a relationship? That would have been with Juan, but I don't remember exactly how old he was. I just know I was a freshman and him a senior that got held back a year or so in HS. If you could save one animal from ever becoming extinct, what animal would you pick? Probably bees, given how vital they are. Name the coolest thing about one of your grandparents. My maternal grandmother worked at Disney World. I can't remember what her position was, though. Do you ever eat peanut butter straight from the jar? If I want a healthy snack, sometimes I'll have a scoop. Do you prefer your clothes loose or close fitting? They need to be loose. Favorite thing you’ve ever painted? This big painting of meerkats grooming on burlap I did in high school. Do you always wear a bra? I question the self-love of anyone who can sleep with a bra on. ;__; Do you normally finish one book before starting another? Oh yes, I can't read more than one at a time. Do you prefer reading books, comic books, manga/graphic novels, magazines, or the newspaper? The normal book. Do you know how to play chess? I don't. Are you watching anything? No, but I do have Manson's "Third Day of a Seven Day Binge" on in another tab. What is your blood type? A-. Has anyone ever borrowed something from you and never returned it? Yes. Do you twitch when you're falling asleep? Dude, I more than "twitch." I can just suddenly spaz out and look like I'm seizing for a moment. Another side effect of my nightmare suppressant medication. Are any of your pets “overweight”? No. Has anyone ever bought you a ring? My mom has bought me a few, and Jason gave me one for one of our anniversaries. Where was the last place you took a bath/shower, other than your own house? My sister's place. What first attracted you to the last person you kissed? Just how unique and happy that way she is. And her pretty much undying loyalty. Has someone ever taken a pic of you while you were making out with someone? No, considering I wouldn't go that far with someone unless we were alone. Had a crush on someone you thought shared your sexuality, turns out didn’t? Yes. What’s your favorite color to wear? Black. Does it gross you out if a guy has hair on his chest? I personally don't find an excess of it attractive, but it doesn't "gross me out." If they bathe themselves just like everyone else, why should it? Do you think sexuality is a choice or not? It is absolutely not a choice. If it was, I'd assume most people would choose to be straight, given phobias, hatecrimes, etc... I could write an essay on this. Do you like industrial piercings? Yeah. Do you think stretched ears are disgusting? "Disgusting" is, once again, the wrong word. Gauges don't really gross me out - hell, I want tiny ones -, but they can reach a size that, to me, is not visually appealing. Did you watch animated Barbie movies when you were little? I do remember loving Princess and the Pauper as well as the Rapunzel one; my sister was addicted to them. Oh yeah! Then there was the Swan Lake one that she adored, too. We usually watched movies together. Do you like fruit in your cereal? Big No. Do you like raw vegetables? Ugh, no. Do you listen to A Day to Remember? I do! They're on my list of faves. Do you like funnel cake? I actually don't. Have you ever been with someone while they were getting a tattoo? Yuh.

[theharellan]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm. tagged by: stolen from @dansiere tagging: @ghiassan, @deathsreflection, @altuspavus, @windrunnerrs (velanna), @hopewrought, @willbeshot, @seahaloed (iron bull), @asterfed​ (noctis), @ anyone who wants to steal it! also multis feel free to choose a different character

My muse is:   canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless / complicated (i’m open to roleplaying with non-dragon age characters, and have AUs for other fandoms)

Is your character popular in the fandom? YES / NO. solas is both wildly popular and wildly hated. he’s been more consistently popular than the controversial women in the series, like sera or vivienne, who have only recently begun to get to the point where their tags are less vitriolic (although i’m sure it’s still out there), but there’s still a sizable hatedom that can’t have his name breathed in their vicinity w/o them talking abt how much they hate him. even if you’re currently cosplaying him!

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK. again, you have ppl who are super into him and ppl who think he’s ugly. my personal opinion is that i think he’s weirdly pretty, and wish ppl would commit more to his unconventional features rather than try to chisel him into sb more traditionally attractive and that ppl who don’t find him attractive would maybe chill w/ calling him ugly. find him unattractive by all means, but lets embrace the fact that inquisition let their love interests have skin flaws etc and accept that some won’t be our cups of tea.

Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK. its hard to deny at this point tbh.

Are they underrated?  YES / NO / IDK. frustrating as the hate in the tags he has enough fans that i couldnt say he’s underrated w/ a straight face.

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO. he’s the reason the game starts with a bang and not the inevitable dissolution of the conclave b/c the sides are disparate.

Were they relevant for the main character? YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG. regardless of solas’ relationship with the inquisitor, there are parallels and contrasts in their stories and he also is the reason they survive inquisition.

Are they widely known in their world? YES / NO. fen’harel is well-known and revered, if feared, among the dalish, yet at the same time he’s not remembered for a lot besides locking the gods away-- and the context of that decision has also been lost. as solas he’s relatively unknown until inquisition and especially trespasser.

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL. again, polarising!! he has loyal agents and people are willing to speak well of him despite everything, including his enemies sometimes (depending mostly on the inquisitor). 

How strictly do you follow canon?  — generally i try to have a canon basis for my interpretation, even if i interpret the text differently than the author.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.  —  solas is an immortal who is simultaneously jaded and very much invested in the small moments of life. far from being weary of the day-to-day lives of ordinary people, it is systems and orders he is most tired of. he walks an interesting line that feels far less misanthropic than other immortal characters i’ve experienced, yet still he’s quite cynical. as a character who has fought against religious based tyranny before, but in a completely different era, he is in a unique position where what he sees around him is both horrifyingly familiar and yet completely new. it allows an exploration of the wrongs of thedas’ society from an outsider’s perspective. his motivations are complex and multifaceted, often condemnable and yet also understandable. his character arc in inquisition (if befriended, or regardless in the case of my solas) takes him from a dispassionate, disconnected antagonist to someone deeply invested in the people of thedas, deeply conflicted and actively hoping he will be proven wrong again. i think his story is a testament to human (or elven, or dwarven, or-) connection and how even when we resist we can’t resist creating bonds with the people in our lives. i personally see this bond going beyond the inquisitor hence why i play low-approval solas as conflicted as high-approval, if not when it comes to the inquisitor.

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).  —  solas is selfish and motivated solely by revenge, he’s clinging to a past that clearly no longer exists, if you ignore all the people from it who are still alive. he’s totally unaware of all his flaws and never owns up to any mistakes ever. no, i haven’t listened to a single word solas has said in my life why do you ask. he’s also critical of my faves which means he’s #cancelled, there is clearly no validity to what he’s saying. ksjdf no but in all seriousness i think a lot of reasons ppl don’t find solas interesting are just... weird readings of his character that sometimes have no basis in the text of inquisition, but also there are plenty of perfectly valid reasons to not find him interesting. usually those ppl don’t like... talk abt how much they don’t find him interesting constantly tho. they just chill and aren’t invested in this particular villain. for one thing i think the game missed out on opportunities for exploring how someone who may not have even had a body at the beginning of his existence would feel about gender and sexuality, so making him presumably straight and cis was a boring choice. i also think that the dragon age games being very protagonist-centric hurts solas’ character, there’s no real reason why the inquisitor is the only one who can throw his plans into question but making the player the center of the universe means he’s not allowed to change due to the effects of other companions or NPCs. thank god this is rp and i do what i want.

What inspired you to rp your muse?  —  i have a history degree so when the inquisition companions were being teased, solas describing bias in primary sources from the memories he’s seen got me interested in him. but my first playthrough i didn’t actually take him with me all too often, i think my main party was dorian-blackwall-varric. i liked him, and i think he or dorian were my first friends in skyhold, but my initial interest was in other characters. between his dialogue that appealed to the historian in me tho and how his spirit opinions sort of turned everything i’d felt about spirits in the last two games on its head, i started vibing with him more the farther i went in. like merrill set me up for the “spirits are people” thing and solas hit it out of the park. then temple of mythal happened, and i did bring solas with me there. i found his dialogue fascinating and also suspicious, i’d just finished masked empire like the day before da:i came out so i definitely thought solas was an ancient elf in the same vein as felassan. it was after temple of mythal that i actually decided to make his blog, although like as one idk linchpin to cement my status as solas trash... i was hit BAD by the banter bug on my first playthrough, probably got like a dozen banters total. but then at some point late in the game i took solas to the forbidden oasis and he wouldn’t stop talking to people, and i really loved his banter with the rest of my party at the time.

What keeps your inspiration going?  —  replaying inquisition, new DA content when the bioware gods deign to grant us a lifeline, but the biggest thing is my rp partners. i wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for the people i write with, new and old. my activity of late hasn’t been the best, work and the summer heat has really been sapping me of energy, and does even during years when we aren’t going through a pandemic. but it’s the thought of my rp partners and love of solas that keeps me coming back.

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO / I SINCERELY HOPE I DO? i have my doubts sometimes, but i think i do ok.

Do you frequently write headcanons?  YES / NO / SORT OF? there is no headcanon too small for me.

Do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES / NO. but not lately * gestures to the low activity * i’ve been in this cycle where i get anxious abt late replies, so prioritise them, then burn myself out and can’t write the fics i want. i’ve had two i’ve been DYING to write tho i just... need to find the space in my brain to let myself.

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day? YES / NO. i mean it depends on the day. if i work closing shifts at my store it gets very quiet and boring around 8:30 so i spent the next 90 minutes thinking about character stuff.

Are you confident in your portrayal?  YES / NO / SORT OF? 

Are you confident in your writing?  YES / NO / SOMETIMES. 

Are you a sensitive person?  YES / NO / SORTA.

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?  —  i’m going to say ‘no’ because like, i don’t ask for criticism. this is a hobby based on my interpretation of a character, if you think i write solas too soft then you’re welcome to think that, but i’m happy with the balance i’ve struck with his internal versus external behaviour and how he changes based upon who he’s speaking to. if you think i’m erasing straight people by making solas pan then ksjdfs. ok.

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?  —  yes!!! even if they retread ground already trodden, a) my interpretation may have adjusted since the last time i played or b) a reminder is nice. if it’s new stuff then it’s fun to think about.

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?  —  it’d depend on why they disagree. if they just disagree on a subjective opinion about what i took from a certain line, then they’re welcome to their opinion but i don’t necessarily care to hear it. if it is unintentionally hurtful then i would like to know. although rather than a comment i’d rather a non-anonymous message.

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?  —  same as the above.

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?  —  if they’re vocal about it i typically just unfollow / softblock if i was following in the first place. people can feel how they want about solas, but i’ve found over the years that if people really hate solas ooc it can often bleed into their ic interactions. it’s really weird seeing your character being brought up repeatedly in threads with others specifically to dunk on, for no reason other than i guess solas is living rent free in their heads, so at least we have that in common. but anyway unfollowing is just the best choice to avoid getting kinda pressed if i’m having a bad day.

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?  —  roleplay is the wild west of writing, so i think it’d depend on what the error was. coming at me like “you shouldn’t start a sentence with a preposition” would get a laugh, but i don’t edit my replies much if at all and mistakes will 100% happen. pointing out typos is chill so long as you do it politely.

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?   —  it depends! i’ve learned that being too easy going actually just means i’m subjecting myself to negative emotions to please people. so i’ve gotten less easy going as the years go by. how does one define “easy going” anyway? does asking that question mean i am objectively not easy going? the longer this thought goes on the more the answer seems to be “probably not,” but i like to think it could be a lot worse.

[shooter-nobunagun]

Quarantine UST 4

//Probably gonna have sexual content scattered throughout the chapters...warning, ero content this time includes some masturbation (though not super explicit)

The ocean breeze felt wonderful, Sio enjoying the cool, briny mist as the car zipped along the shoreline. At last they were taking some time to get out of the house, and although the beaches were closed, it was much better than spending yet another day cooped up inside.

“Aaah, this feels soo nice...it really is too bad we can’t go down to the beach itself.” Sighing, the sniper rested her head against the window, letting the wind blow through her hair. There were few other vehicles along the road, and though Mahesh jokingly suggested to Adam (who was driving) that he should test the limits of this car, they only sped up a few times on straight stretches when nobody else was around.

The car wasn’t exactly designed to be sporty, but Adam revved the engine a few times as he shifted the gears with amazing accuracy, Sio shrieking with delight as they blew down the straightaways. “Who would’ve thought you’d also be a speed freak,” Mahesh teased in good humor, the sniper blushing but she wouldn’t deny it was thrilling.

“W-Well, it’s not like I’d go around doing that, normally...besides, Tokyo’s no place to drive, not with all the public transit. Not that I can drive anyways...”

“Sounds like London, honestly. Though I suppose if you had a motorbike it’d be a tad easier to get around. Like Adam—you had one back in London, didn’t you?” Jess queried.

“And so what if I did? ‘S not like it’ll do us any good out here.”

“No, but maybe when the opportunity comes up you can take Sio-chan for a ride; I’m sure she’d enjoy it.” The sniper turned red as a tomato at that comment, and Adam made an odd noise in his throat.

“A-Anyway, we can worry about that later; is there a place where we can get out for a bit? Or are they all closed?” Sio desperately changed the subject, not wanting to get into yet another fit of ‘why do I feel so hot when talking about Adam’.

“According to local news, we may be able to get off and walk around the trail head, so long as we have masks and maintain distance,” Mahesh reported. As soon as they parked to a stop Sio opened the door and breathed in the fresh air. Adam’s driving was impeccable, especially for stick-shift, but she had to admit the winding hills of San Francisco were making her just a touch carsick. 

“Oy squirt, don’t forget your mask; can’t be careless,” Adam chided as he handed the sniper hers, “let’s not get complacent.” Sio blushed with embarrassment, but was grateful Adam didn’t make snide remarks anymore. In fact, ever since he granted her permission to call him by his real first name, he seemed to have mellowed out quite a bit. There were several instances where they’d even been able to have small talk, mostly during times like cleaning up or when she insisted on helping with cooking (so she could learn was her argument), but it no longer felt as forced or awkward.

‘Hopefully this quarantine will get him to open up a bit more...’cause Adam, he’s really not a bad guy once you get to know him...sure he’s a little rough around the edges, but who doesn’t have something they’re trying to improve?’

“What’re you thinking about, Sio?” The blonde suddenly appeared in her view, Sio jumping back a bit on instinct; luckily ever since that discussion, she’d been a lot better about giving the girl her space. After that outburst, Adam called for a squad meeting to lay down some ground rules, including very explicit warnings that harassment of any kind, malicious or otherwise, was not to be tolerated.

‘An’ I don’t give a shit if that’s what you’re used to, but I will not condone any such behavior moving forward, pandemic or not; do I make myself clear?’ 

The other three members nodded solemnly as their leader gave them all a stern look. Both Jess and Mahesh were unusually serious for once, perhaps even remorseful as Adam lectured them on their unsavory behaviors. The sniper couldn’t help but feel a bit guilty; but afterwards, when they were all going to bed and both came by personally to apologize, she knew she’d done the right thing.

“Ah, n-not much...just once again, kind of amazed at how Adam can do...well, pretty much anything,” the girl muttered. “Stick-shift, motorcycles...that’s so cool. Maybe I’m just too young to learn about all these things, right now...”

“Hmm, I wouldn’t say that, dear. You were in your last year of secondary, correct?” Sio nodded. “He’s not that much older, you know. Adam, I mean. If I recall, they picked him up right after he got into university, a year or two before we discovered you.”

Sio’s eyes widened in surprise. So Adam really wasn’t that much older than her, though he sure acted way more mature. “Really? I didn’t know that...I’d always assumed, he’d been with DOGOO forever...”

“Some people grow up faster, depending on their circumstances. That’s all there is to it,” Jess shrugged. “I’m actually one of the earlier members of DOGOO...well, the first among the Second Platoon, anyway.”

She turned around in shock. “Wait, you’re the first member of the Second Platoon?!”

“Sort of. It’s a bit...complicated,” the blonde suddenly looked hesitant. “...If you must know, there was actually a ‘first iteration’, so to speak. Before any of us came along...well, technically that’s not true; I was with DOGOO pretty early on, but not as part of the Second Platoon...”

The sniper stayed quiet as the blonde muttered to herself. So, there had been an earlier version of their platoon? ‘But then what happened? Where are they now? Are they still with DOGOO?’

“You know old man Capa, right?” Sio nodded. “He, along with e-gene holders William Tell and Christopher Columbus...comprised of the original Second Platoon. But then...”

“Then...?” She definitely had not forgotten (nor forgiven) Capa’s trespasses, but she’d only ever heard of William Tell in passing, and Sio didn’t even know Columbus existed. “But Capa’s retired now, isn’t he? Did those two also retire?”

For some reason Jess grew somber at her question. “...William Tell is now part of the Special Squad, same as Hunter and Galileo. And Columbus...he—”

“Oy, what’s the hold up you two? Don’t fall behind!” From far ahead, their leader’s voice barked at the two girls.

“Nevermind. I’ll tell you that story some other time. Let’s go before he loses his temper, again.” Jess rolled her eyes as the two picked up the pace. Sio was dying to know just what happened, but given Jess’ reaction, it was probably better she didn’t pry anymore.

“Doesn’t he ever stop yelling at people?” Sio grumbled as they finally caught up with the guys. “Seriously, and here I thought we were making some progress on being civil with each other...”

“Adam’s not the type to have a heart-to-heart, but I must say, you must be doing him some good. In all the time I’ve known him, I’ve never seen him quite so relaxed as when he’s around you.” Jess winked, causing the sniper to blush. “Seems to me you’ve got a secret touch around him...”

“J-Jess-san...! I-I don’t, I don’t think so...” Her cheeks were still pink though, even as they wandered around the trail, everyone else taking in the sights of the ocean.

“Hmm? Really...well, regardless he’s definitely loosened up a bit. Less scowling, and I think I actually saw him smile the other day! Or was that just a smirk,” Jess mused as the two girls walked along the path. 

‘It can’t be; I-I mean, it’s only because now we’re taking a break from all those battles and stuff that he can relax, so naturally it’s a lot easier to chat with him...isn’t it? Why would he be particularly nice to me?’ The sniper continued to be lost in her thoughts as the group hiked along the cliffs. She hadn’t been paying much attention, but now that she thought about it, Adam’s behavior towards Jess and Mahesh hadn’t changed that much (he was still griping about their lack of modesty), but she definitely noticed a change in his tone of voice and words around her.

No way...it can’t be true, are we becoming...friends?!

Even Asao-san brought it up last night, after the sniper spent a solid 30 minutes regaling about how Adam taught her three different ways to make eggs. ‘So, I see someone’s getting cozy with their leader, yeah? Good thing you guys aren’t regular military—’cause I’m pretty sure fraternizing with your squadmates would be a big no-no’ her friend had teased, which lead to another 20 minutes of sputtering and denial.

‘Yeah, well, didn’t the Commander say this would be a good opportunity to get to know each other and strengthen bonds? I’m just doing that,’ Sio thought to herself, though that didn’t exactly explain why her pulse increased and her body got hot whenever she stared at Adam or thought about him too much. ‘And yeah, I’ll admit he’s...pretty hot, and physically I find him attractive...b-but that’s completely normal! I’m a growing, girl, I have...needs...’

As if on cue her loins throbbed slightly, to Sio’s horror. Ever since she discovered masturbating, it had become something of a nightly activity for her; doubling as both a sleep aid and stress reliever. (And also, hey, it felt really fucking good.) Groaning, she forced herself to act normal and tag along with the rest of the group, though she was definitely going to need some ‘alone time’ as soon as they got back. ------ “Phew, that was a pleasant outing...see Adam, going out every once in a while isn’t going to kill us,” Jess commented as they finally made it back to the house, after stopping by for some takeout from a seaside shack. According to the Brits, the fish and chips were almost as good as any chippy establishment in London. Almost. Naturally Sio, not being familiar with British food, found it to be extremely tasty, and even Adam begrudgingly admitted that Americans could do a few things right, on occasion.

“Why’s it in pieces though, it’s better when the fish is whole...”

“Next time we should try curry; I’ve heard this area’s got a ton of Indian restaurants,” Mahesh suggested. “I’d be curious to see if any of them can actually do ‘Indian spicy’...”

“I, Indian spicy?” The sniper shuddered a bit at that description. Japanese people weren’t exactly the best with spicy food, despite wasabi. “Not sure I wanna find out what that means...”

Mahesh winked at her. “Well, you’ll just have to find out for yourself, Sio. Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll be fine.” The sniper doubted that, but Indian curry did sound good. Hopefully there would be milder options as well.

“What should we do about dinner? Do we want to do delivery again, or is our esteemed leader going to grace us with his home cooking?” The Indian managed to once again dodge a fork from the silver-haired man. “Hey now, I’m being serious! You’re becoming quite the cook, Adam. It’s a wonder we went all this time without sampling any of your dishes.

Adam grumbled, but Sio noticed his ears were turning slightly pink. Was he...bashful? It was bizarre to see their acerbic leader act so shy, but it was nice for a change, she decided. And kind of cute.

“Do you know how to cook, Mirza-san?”

The Indian turned to their sniper with a start. “Me? Cook? Oh, well I can...but I have to admit, ever since I joined DOGOO I haven’t had much time. Or a reason. It’s a lot simpler when someone else prepares things for you...”

“Like your servants?” Adam snorted, hinting at the Indian’s wealthy background. “You just snap your fingers and someone comes running, eh?”

“I’m not that dependent,” Mahesh’s gaze narrowed, slightly offended. “Just because I grew up with hired help doesn’t mean I can’t do things for myself. I just prefer doing things in the most efficient manner. In any case, if you are interested in trying my cooking, Sio-chan, I’d be happy to make something.”

“O-Oh, well, I don’t want you to go out of your way or anything—”

“Nonsense; after all, it seems like we’re all using this time to try new things, no? Plus it might be nice to give it a go...maybe we can even have some kind of group cooking night.”

The rest of the platoon murmured in agreement, though Sio was a bit nervous. She’d barely just managed to cook eggs decently, there was no way she could whip up something as fancy as Adam or probably even Mahesh could.

“Well, you can count me out, unless you want food poisoning,” Jess commented dryly. “I’m not going to deny it, but cooking is definitely not one of my stronger skills...”

“You can be my sous-chef,” Mahesh gave a cheeky grin, which was met with a napkin to the face. “Oof, I’m sure you’ll do fine. Just leave the actual cooking part to me. So, it seems we’ve decided then? We’re cooking?”

Sio nodded, starting to warm up to the idea. It might even be fun, if everybody pitched in. “I-I mean, I can only make eggs, but...I’d be happy to help.”

“You can never go wrong with eggs. Don’t worry Sio-chan; now, to make sure I don’t decimate your taste buds with vindaloo...I guess I’ll make tikka masala as well. What’re you thinking of cooking, Adam?”

Their leader gave a noncommittal grunt. “Eh, don’t expect anythin’ fancy. Probably Shepard's pie tonight, glazed carrots.”

Even though they’d just eaten lunch, Sio’s mouth was watering just at the descriptions of those dishes. Dinner was bound to be good tonight; she couldn’t wait to try and sample some more Indian and British cuisine, and vowed to do her best to make enough fried eggs and toast for everybody. 

“By the way, do you think we can do something before dinner? I kinda wanted to try some of those board games we found...”

“Oh, that’s a brilliant idea Sio! I think we’ve earned a bit of entertainment. One can only watch so much Netflix...” The group had played a few card games already, but board games were the next level. Sio wasn’t familiar with any of them beyond Monopoly, but the other members assured her there were much better prospects. 

“Mirza, Beckham, how about you two clean up for a change; Ogura and I aren’t your servants,” Adam gave the two a knowing look. “Speaking of which Ogura, you wanted me to spot you today at training, right?”

“O-Oh! R, Right, I almost forgot...thanks.” The petite girl quickly changed into her workout clothes and the two trooped into the exercise room, Mahesh and Jess staring and waiting until the two of them disappeared from view.

“...Oh yeah, there’s definitely something going on between the two. I’ll bet you a quid before the end of this quarantine they’ll be shagging.”

Mahesh laughed. “That’s a pretty bold assumption; I don’t doubt they’ll get together eventually, but in only a few weeks? That’s pretty quick...for both of them.” It was pretty obvious that Sio never had a boyfriend or even much friends before all this, and despite how secretive Adam was with his private life, Mahesh was pretty sure if their leader ever had a lover, he’d have caught wind of it by now. “I have a pretty good hunch this would be a first time for both of them...and given that neither of them are great with their feelings...”

“You don’t trust my feminine instincts?”

“I never said that. In any case, you’re on.” ------- “Ugh...twenty-seven...twenty-eight...twenty...nine...thir...thirty!” Heaving a sigh of relief, Sio let the weights clash onto the stand, her arms feeling like limp noodles after that rep. Her limit had increased by 5 lbs since the beginning, and she could now do 30 reps without stopping, but that was nothing compared to Adam; last time he did 50 reps with almost twice the weight, and barely broke a sweat. “Whew, my arms are gonna be sore tomorrow...”

“Not bad, Ogura. You’ve improved; I can tell your form is much better than when you first started,” Adam nodded in satisfaction as they switched spots. “This should help with your accuracy, so you can better control your shots—instead of firing all over the place.”

“H-Hey! I’m not that bad anymore...not that I’m hoping for an attack to prove my point,” Sio muttered, helping Adam lift the bar up as she spotted for him.

“No, you aren’t...but you’ve got a ways to go, squirt,” he grunted as he started his set. “If we let our guard down for even a second...I don’t wanna think about that.”

“...Do you think this war is going to be that bad?”

Adam eyed her with a stare as he lifted the weight. “...Honestly, I don’t know. It’s not something I like to think about...but I’d rather prepare for the worst case scenario, in case this does end up being some long-term fight.”

Sio nodded. “Yeah, you’re right...heh, it’s strange; out of everyone, I probably have the best e-gene suited for warfare and strategy...and yet, when I really think about it, like, it hits me—holy crap, we’re actually fighting against freaking aliens from outer space, who really are out to just destroy us all. How the heck am I supposed to figure that out...” The sniper grew melancholy as she recalled that conversation with Asao in the hospital, right after Taiwan. “...Even now, I still can’t believe...this is happening. That, this is the state of our lives, now...”

“...Do you regret joinin’ DOGOO?”

“Huh? W-Well, no...I,” the sniper paused, looking away slightly. “I...even though I was scared, I also knew in my heart it was something I wanted to do. No, it was something I needed to do,” she emphasized. “If I just went back and pretended nothing changed...I’d never forgive myself.”

“Heh...a sense of...duty, ‘ey?” Adam let out a breath as he finished the rep, Sio helping him return the bar to its resting place. “I think that’s what drew most of us here, in the first place. No matter what folks say about other motivations or whatnot...in the end, if you don’t have that kind of inner conviction, you wouldn’t have lasted this long in the first place.”

“Mn.” Though he wasn’t directly complimenting her, for some reason, hearing his words made her feel warm. “You definitely have that, Adam-san.”

“Oh, uh...sure.” If the sniper was looking his way, she would’ve seen a slight blush on his cheeks; but as it was she was busy wiping down the equipment and looking at the pull-up bar with dread. “Anyway, let’s see if you can get more than 5 today.”

“Aww, seriously? I just did a bunch of weights too...” She whined, but one stern look from Adam and she sighed, and got into position. “S, Seriously...h-how do, people, do...this...! O-One...!”

“Less talking, more breathing. Don’t waste your breath; remember your breathing patterns,” Adam coached, as Sio strained to lift her chin over the bar. “C’mon, yeh that’s it, three more to go.”

After the fifth one Sio gasped as her hand slipped, her grip too weak to hold on. “Whoa—!” 

“Careful—!” Adam caught her just in the nick of time, Sio squinting her eyes open. “You alright, squirt?”

“Un...y-yeah, sorry about that...guess I’m pretty tired out.” She laid there for a bit, palms stinging from exertion. Adam nodded, but interestingly he didn’t set her down, instead letting her rest in his arms for a bit.

There was something soothing about it, being held by someone; granted this wasn’t the first time he’d held her, but that had been during a mission, with plenty of stakes and yelling. This time though, Sio became acutely aware of everything else; including how strong his arms were, and the sound of his breath, the heat from his skin, his heartbeat... Suddenly those odd tingles came back again, Sio now squirming with the uncomfortable realization that she was feeling ‘this’ again.

‘Seriously body, you do this to me now?! Screw you, hormones...’

“A-Ah, I’m feeling better now...thanks,” she stood on wobbly legs as Adam set her down. “Well, at least I did five...”

“Yeh. Anyway, if you’re tired, you can go up and take a shower first. I’m just gonna finish up here,” Adam launched himself up onto the bars.

“O-Oh, it’s okay, I can wait. I mean, it’d be rude of me to not finish spotting for you, since I asked you first...”

There’s not much to spot for pull-ups, Adam thought, but he didn’t say anything. If the squirt wanted to hang around, it was her choice. Though, he felt a bit self-conscious with her just staring at him; for some reason he felt like he had to impress her, even though he was dead tired himself and suddenly 15 seemed almost impossible.

But his pride would never let him live it down, and so 15 pull-ups it was.

As Adam forced himself through the punishment of 15 reps, Sio sat on the bench and watched him. His form was nearly perfect, barely even a tremble as he lifted and lowered himself at an even rate. ‘Damn, I wonder how long it’ll take before my muscles are that strong...speaking of muscles, holy crap his arms are so buff! No wonder he could carry me like that...also those abs...’ She tried not to stare so intensely, but it wasn’t her fault all holders had to wear what were essentially crop tops underneath their armor.

‘I wonder what they feel like...’ Her head flushed and Sio felt her heart rate speed up. ‘No no, stop thinking horny thoughts! Bad Sio!’ To her relief, Adam finished his set, and she could finally head back up to to the privacy of her own room.

“O, Otsukaresama desu; thanks for helping me out today, Adam-san.”

“You did well, Ogura. Who knows, maybe we will get called to action and you’ll get a chance to prove me wrong with your aim,” he teased, grinning slightly as he wiped off the sweat.

“What?! Oh just you wait, mister, I’ll show you!”

Adam chuckled to himself as the girl stomped off with a huff. She really was too cute not to tease. Admittedly he did feel a little bad for always bursting her bubble right at the peak, but he couldn’t help it. Her reactions and those pouty lips were just too good.

‘An’ since when did you start caring so much about that squirt, ‘ey?’ He took a long, hard look at himself in the mirror. ‘Or is it because that’s the only way you know how to defuse the situation before you get too close—’

No. Those were dangerous thoughts. While not strictly forbidden, common sense said fraternizing with one’s teammates was always a risky affair. Adam shook his head and got in the shower, making sure to turn the tap to cold. Not only was it hot, but a certain...other part of his body was stirring, especially after holding the girl. The feeling of her warm, heavy weight in his arms, the soft skin and even a certain scent; not sweat, but a distinctly human odor...

Adam groaned softly as he took hold of his member. It was already hot and stiff, despite the cold shower. ‘Shit, so much for that...you really are a pervert, aren’t yeh?’ But he couldn’t help it; it’d been weeks since he’d been able to let off any steam, and staying in close quarters with everybody else 24/7 made it hard to ensure much privacy. 

Hoping nobody needed to use the toilet, he started stroking himself; water poured over his throbbing length as his hand squeezed and pulled, Adam biting back another moan as he slowly jerked himself off. The sniper had definitely been staring at him when they were working out. ‘Don’t think I didn’t notice those wandering eyes, hanninmae...’ Initially, he’d been a bit surprised she’d be so bold; but then again when she’d walked in on him the very first time before their first mission, she hadn’t looked away, either.

‘Does this mean she’s...interested? Or am I just another body to her?’ His jaw ached from trying to keep his voice down, Adam trembling as he edged towards his climax. ‘No, it’s only...natural, when you spend so much time together, with the same people...it can’t be...’

But what if she is? A little voice rang in his head and Adam, already hazy with lust, decided to indulge that fantasy a bit. What if Sio Ogura really was interested in him, beyond just teammates or even friends? At this point, he didn’t doubt that they would be on friendly terms after this quarantine, but anything more?

Is this something she wants? Is this something I want?

To go from comrades to friends, to something more than that... Funnily enough, the thought of entering a relationship with her made him even harder than simply thinking about her lithe, slender body. ‘Impossible...am I...actually falling for her?!’

“W-Well, that’s why I’m learning now, aren’t I? So I can do it myself.”

“Th-thanks for helping me, again...heh, it seems like that’s all I’m doing these days...”

“You definitely have that, Adam-san. Conviction.”

“Guh—! Fuck...!” Hand pumping rapidly, Adam came hard as those large maroon eyes firmly embedded itself in his mind, along with that rare, shy smile she only showed around him. So cute. She was so cute whenever she tried so hard, determined to prove him wrong and do her best to improve...well, anything. A sudden rush of heat bloomed from his core, a low moan tearing from his throat as the last of his spunk shot out, chills running up and down his spine.

The effect one petite sniper could have on him...

“Shit...oh fuck...” Heaving, he rinsed off the mess from his hands and the shower walls, before finally turning off the water. The post-orgasm haze was settling in, causing everything to be slightly out-of-focus as Adam slowly towelled off. “Goddammit Adam, you’re really fucked now...”

Even as his mind argued with himself that it was just because he needed to relieve some stress, and she did have a pretty nice body, Adam knew in his heart that wasn’t the real reason. No, before his brain even realized it, his heart had already made the decision; perhaps even before all this virus business.

He was falling in love the Sio Ogura. And there was nothing he could do but take it and run with it.

[thedropdeadhandsome]

Unexpected Visitor pt 2

Jaehyungparkian x Fem Reader (Fox hybrid)

Word count: 7,176

Contents: fluff, humour, supernatural, sexual content, banter, jaehyungparkian

Summary: part 2 of Unexpected Visitor

(Italic is readers thoughts. Gifs are not mine)

Since that very awkward meeting with the two men that bicker like an old married couple, even if you inform them of this with Sungjin’s or even Jimin or was it Sammy’s help, they’ll continue to deny anything more than brotherly love or weird ass bonding between them. Whatever helps them sleep better at night, you always thought, never implying anything but it’s still fun to tease.

In your own opinion you believed that Young K has gotten even more protective over you, when you are in your fox form or in your daily life when he is trying to be constantly informed of what your daily activities are. You aren’t complaining though, but it’s quite amusing to watch him argue with the others when he tries to keep you to himself. They’re all such a lively bunch but some days you worry that this is all in your head and the events happening are created by your overactive imagination.

“Okay, now repeat after me Y/n” Jae said with a devilish grin, using you as a scapegoat for his devilish plan “Brian? O Brian, wherefore art thou Brian” he said smoothly like he was performing the play. He obviously had a suspicious as fuck look on his face, knowing fully well that he wanted you to called Young K ‘Brian’ for the 100th time since you guys have met that unfortunately night, which was three months ago.

“Seriously? Does he think I’m dumb or something?” You thought, smirking sweetly back at his grinning face as you took a look around their apartment, which is a common thing for you to do when nervous or avoiding his adorably stupid face. Taking in a shallow breath then exhaling with a sigh, not wanting to accidentally let your tail or ears pop up which will then get him to tease you even more not like he doesn’t anyway. “Calm down! We don’t need him touching your tail or ears like they were doing when you change forms” you thought, shuddering slightly at that. Putting fingers through you hair “Okay fine, but if he gets angry at me it’s all your fault chicken little” you muttered annoyed as you crossed your arms over your chest making your chest more noticeable which wasn’t like it wasn’t to begin with.

At the ‘nickname’ he knew that Jimin was the one that informed you of that word so you could tease him, not like Jae was shocked or upset by you saying it, but it was kind of cute coming out of your mouth. Jae faked being hurt while pretending to not stare at your chest “Don’t you trust me y/n?” he asked forging sadness then cracking a sweet smile telling you he was just playing “but seriously, you should do it, his reaction would be so priceless if you do” he added with a tease then a nudge of his shoulder.

Right now you feel like Jae is the devil on your left shoulder, snickering and tempting you to do stupid things or coax you into bad decisions that would impact your life forever. Honestly you are exaggerating with that but you can not help but feel like Jae has bad intentions even if his target wasn’t you entirely, it’s just as bad since you are the pawn in his wicked games and probably the one who’ll cop it.

“Should I do it? No! He just wants to get on Young K’s nerves, but on the other hand I do want to call him Brian just once to see his reaction ... No, that’s definitely the devil talking, but I haven’t seen Young K in a while so maybe this is just a way to see him .... But if I do say it and Young k hates me, I’ll feel so sad .... ugh! Why does Jae have to make me do these things? Why does he have to tease me? Ugh!! This is so hard”

“Okay, fine I’ll do it,” you said finally agreeing to Jae’s request after thinking it over for a while. With that Jae smirked and looked towards Young K’s bedroom, looking forward to the reaction on the other mans face “Hey Brian?! Can you come into the living room for a second, I have something to ask you” Jae said with a grin as he took your hand and squeezed it “it’ll be fine y/n, I promise” he adds trying to reassure you, not like it has helped since it made your heart race quickly from a simple skin contact.

Awaiting patiently for Young K to appear in the living room for your ultimate doom, your heart races a little more just thinking about Young K coming into the living room. Of course, you find both men attractive but for crying out loud, why do you agree so easily to the things that Jae requests? like come on Young K is going to think you’re a freak, strange, unusual, unappealing, weirdo, crazy, oddball even though you are a special kind of human because you’re a fox hybrid but still, who uses Romeo and Juliet quotes in everyday conversations? That’s right no one.

Hearing Jae’s voice unexpectedly, Young k lifted and eyebrow wondering what Jae wanted, after all he had been working on music since he had woken up, so he wasn’t aware that you were in their apartment right now. Standing up from his chair with a groan, he began to make his way out of his bedroom. Leaving his room and heading towards the living room, he was a little intrigued by why Jae had called him yet a bit annoyed since he was sure Jae would say something so random for no reason.

Entering the living room, taking in his appearance, his hair was back to more of a chocolate brownish colour, and he was wearing sweats and a slightly loose t-shirt. “He is always so handsome! Nope! Don’t think about that, remember what you have to say. Stay calm! don’t blush!” you thought as he made his way closer towards the couch. Fingers going through his hair, letting out a sigh not looking at Jae directly yet “Yeah Jae? what do you want from m....Y/n?” He surprisingly spoken once he noticed you were there sitting beside Jae with your hands joined together. A feeling of anger, jealousy or irritation at the fact that Jae was alone with you here and didn’t inform him of your arrival, although he never told Jae he liked you.

With a nudge by Jae, looking back at him to see a shit eating grin, taking a deep breath you faced Young K, removing your hands from Jae as you slowly stood up from the couch, putting your left arm beside you while the right was fidgeting with anything that your fingers made contact with. Taking in a deep breath, looking up to meet Young K’s eyes then down to his lips then the mole on his neck, you opened you mouth feeling incredibly nervous “Brian? O Brian, wherefore art thou Brian?” you began feeling your tail and ears about to appear from embarrassment. You were about to continue with Juliet’s words in Romeo and Juliet when you quickly looked up to see what Young K’s expression was, which was a big mistake for your heart.

Young K was left utterly speechless hearing his English name leave your lips which was such a wonderful sound, his jaw clenched as he attempts to keep control and not react too much since he was sure that Jae was the one behind this. His eyes glued to yours in a very animistic lustful way but still looking innocent and sweet which was weirdly unsettling seeing as the fox side of you was very much submitting to the way his eyes were looking into yours but you can’t do what that side wanted, you’ll have to have self-control. His beautiful long fingers go through his hair as he had a very noticeable blush on his face by your words “...w..w..wow” he said still having his eyes glued to yours.

“OMG!! I knew I should’ve never listened to Jae!” You thought as you saw his facial expression and how he responded to your words assuming he didn’t like what you just said, your eyes began to water knowing that Young K dislikes people saying Brian instead of Young K and obviously that had upset him. You turned and hit Jae’s shoulder multiple times not to hard but enough for him to feel your pain “I told you that it wouldn’t work!! Why did you get me to do this? How could you Jae!” you said crying as you took off forgetting your shoes, heading straight back to your apartment, flinging yourself on your bed which resulted in your ears and tail finally appearing after keeping them back since the eye contact you had with Young K. Covering your face with the pillow as you felt very flustered and overwhelmed, lightly screaming into it as your tail swayed and your ears twitched. “Stupid Jae! Now Young K will hate me, I knew I should’ve never listened to him” you mumbled into the pillow feeling completely stupid, crying into it.

Back at the apartment you run out of, Young K was completely in shocked from you running out of the apartment, feeling completely worried about you then remembered that Jae was still in the room. Switching his attention to Jae, giving him a fed up glare “What did you do?” He asked as then took a seat on the couch beside the tall glasses man. At Young K’s question and his mind taking in the fact that you ran off, Jae began to laugh loudly which got him to fall off the couch which he deserved and having his stomach hurting from how hard he was laughing.

“Hahaha ... Did you see? ..... hahaha.... yours....haha....hers....hahahahahahaha” Jae said in between his laughter. Finally standing up taking a seat beside the other male, wiping his fake tears from his eyes.

Watching his Hyung laughing like an insensitive fool, shaking his head before opening his mouth once Jae decided to sit “Are you done laughing?” Young K asked as he tapped his foot, feeling completely upset that Jae did that to you yet infuriated with Jae for it as well. Jae nods his head as he held his stomach “Okay, I’m sorry but did you see your face ... bahahahaha” he said starting to laugh again “you gave yourself away so easily, yet she has no idea and thought you hate her” the boy with glasses added as his laughter continues, “I’m going to go calm myself down” he said standing up and heading off to the front door before Young K could notice.

Jae was right, He was so obvious with his reactions so why was he holding it back from you? He was very happy taking the steps in being more of a boyfriend to you by wanting you to himself and having you tell him your daily activities, even his reaction to what just happened was so painful clear, he was sure that Jae knew but did Jae feel the same for you? Do you know how Jae and he felt? Those are the questions he was worrying about finding the answer to.

Leaving the apartment Jae stretched his long limbs by heading towards your apartment door, rubbing the back of his neck knowing he had to apologise and make it up to you. Sighing as he took in a deep breath and knocked on your front door “Hey Y/n” he said softly but loud enough for you to hear.

Still screaming into your pillow, your eyes closed as your tail swayed side to side. Your mind thinking about the alluring gaze that Young K was giving you, cheeks going red as you rolled onto your back as you heard Jae at your front door. “I’m coming!” you responded back as you checked your face for puffiness and hair, heading over towards the door and opening it for him to enter.

“What took you so .... OMG your ears and tail are out? Haha! so cute” Jae said, stepping right in before he smiled at you. Your feet move towards the living room as he followed you excitedly, his hands grabbing your tail “ow! Jae the tail is attached to me” you said slightly in an annoyed growl, taking the tail in your hands as you took a seat.

Sitting across from you, Jae looked at you apologetic “I’m so sorry about what I made you do, oh and also the tail” he said as you gave him a nod “it’s okay, I knew you were teasing but I had to get out of there before I lose control you know, the way he was looking at me was just....” you paused taking a deep breath. “Anyway, did he guilt you into coming?” You asked trying to change the topic, seeing Jae nod then shake his head “Nah, I felt like you deserve the apology and I needed to check if you’re alright since we are friends, plus I finished laughing, and I rather avoid ‘the rage’ of Brian” he said chucking as he then looked at you intensely.

Watching Jae closely, sighing as you let your tail go “he is so obvious!” You thought. “Okay, fine you can touch it. But I’ll warn you, that I will bite if I had enough, besides my ears and tail are sensitive so be gentle” you said with a sigh as you felt Jae sitting beside you before his hands began to run alone your tail. “Your tail is so soft” he exclaimed pleased, your eyes watching his hands closely as you let out a giggle, moving your tail as he tried to touch it again to tease him. “Even your ears are so soft” he adds, fingers gently caressing your ears, completely fascinated by them.

Your eyes closed as you had a very pleased expression as he was touching your ears “that feels nice” you thought as you opened your eyes and without warning you licked his cheek, eyes widen as you jumped up realising what you done, you couldn’t believe you did that “OMG! I’m so sorry Jae” you said adorably by accident as Jae looked at you bashfully, shook his head “no, it’s okay I should’ve touched your ears like that” he said as he pretends to check the time “oh darn” he said as you did the same “I gotta get food” you said dashing off, he smiled as you understood “catch you later” he added before leaving the apartment, rubbing his cheek feeling happy and slightly numb yet hot where you have licked “wow, should probably keep this one to myself” he said out loud before heading back to apologise to Young K before they had to get to work that evening.

Life has been hectic in the last few weeks since you last seen the boys, you had your boss constantly on your case about your work as an excuse when he mostly wanted to chat you up but you held your tongue, also the boys have been busy with work which you are happy about, but they all look so exhausted and needing a break. You have been keeping tabs on them through their manager as well as popping in since you cooked for them so you do see them, but it’s smaller conversations here and there as you guys pass by each other to do the things you gotta do.

You have been avoiding Jae and Young K since that incident which was good timing on your end so you wouldn’t become awkward in front of them, although you felt guilty of that since you just couldn’t make eye contact with them without freaking out.

Today was fortunately a bright and sunny day, even more fortunate was the fact that it was your time off. You decided to spend it by hanging out with a few of your friends and doing some shopping, the day was going good until they began to bug you on why you haven’t decided to date. Running your fingers through your hair, sighing heavily “look, it’s kind of awkward to date when you aren’t exactly human” you paused looking at all of them before taking a sip of your beverage “besides what man would want me? I’m the type of woman you avoid” you said half heartily, trying to avoid informing them of your crush on the men in your building.

Your friends laughed, looking at you lovingly, one of your female friends began to speak “seriously, you are being silly. Men flock to you and you don’t even bat an eye, just hurry up because you look so lonely, and we want you to have little babies already” she said with hands clasped together as your other friend said “I completely agree not with you having babies yet part, but yes on the going on dates part” then your third friend who is a man leaned over “you need confidence sweetie, we can take you out to the night clubs and go looking for a man” he said as the other two agree and began to make plans. This worried you, you‘re not fussed about the nightlife because of the loud noises hurting your fox ears, the lights that flicker which can cause seizures, the drugs, accidentally changing forms and the way some men that are intoxicated just acts, um no thanks you’ll just stay at home.

“Yeah like finding a man in a night club would lead me to a happily ever after story, like come on that’s not where you want to find the person you want a serious relationship with” you said as you sighed “plus the night clubs and places you guys will take me won’t have the men that are actually looking. Besides, I am happy without a boyfriend” you added making them nod, knowing that they won’t easily be swayed by that unfortunately.

With lunch being over you decided to head home, telling them goodbye after they kept bring up trying to find you a boyfriend or going clubbing which didn’t interest you “why are they so like this?” You thought as you began on your way. Walking along the side walk in the direction of your apartment building, making a stop at a convenient store to get some food and alcohol to restock your kitchen.

Continuing on your way to your destination, mind wondering off about the conversation you had earlier, you didn’t notice until it was too late but you bumped into a man. “Oh sorry ..... Y/n” said the man as he grabbed your arm to stop you from falling over. Looking over towards the mans face, eyes widen when you realise who it is “Sungjin?! .... Sungjin, what are you doing here?” You asked slightly shocked quickly looking around him to see if the others were with him, which luckily they weren’t. He wore a soft smile on his lips, taking your bags of groceries out of your hands and started heading towards the apartment building, without uttering a word, knowing you’ll get the hint.

“Wait, Sungjin!” You called out, catching up to him as you started walking side by side to your destination. The walk to your apartment was quiet but you enjoyed it, watching how Sungjin just kept a steady pace with you.

“Should I ask how Young K and Jae are? No, I’ll probably sound all stalker like or something” You thought watching where your feet were going and him out of the corner of your eye.

Sensing your eyes and need to say something Sungjin looked towards you then back in front “Those two have been missing you, you know. They are too chicken to go to your place but if you like, you should come over” he said, showing a smile as you guys reach the building.

Cheeks going pink as your fox ears popped up and twitched hearing that those two have missed you, taking a deep breath so you don’t transform or have your tail just show out of nowhere. “R..r..really? I’ve missed them too” you said smiling as you both step in the elevator. Moving your fingers through your hair as you look at him as you waited for the door to open at your floor “sure I’ll love to come over” you responded as you took the bags, so he didn’t have too once the elevator door opened again.

“Great, I’ll get one of them to come get you later, see you then y/n” Sungjin said warmly as you both got out and went your separate ways to your apartments.

Once putting your things away, of course making a few plates of assorted finger food because you would always bring something to someone’s place when invited, it was common courtesy. You started to get ready by taking a shower and began to debate what to wear, of course something comfortable yet presentable since you are going over someone’s place. “Hmm not that” you mumbled as you looked through your clothes, not bothering with anything white since you’ll only get it dirty.

At the boys place, Sungjin was making sure he got everything ready with their manager picking up some extra supplies before he leaves for the night with a warning. “Young K, please stop snacking. When Y/n comes I would like to have some food for her as well” Sungjin said, lightly pushing his member out of the kitchen “Hey! Are you trying to show off or get brownie points with y/n?” Young k said in protest of being pushed. The leader shook his head “of course not, fixing the mess you and Jae pulled and maybe getting you both a chance to you know” Sungjin explains with a sigh as he checked the time “hurry up and clean up, Wonpil and Dowoon are going to get her so you both can get your shit together” he added before he watches the other run to his room to change since he showered earlier.

Hearing a knock at your door you walked over, opening the door with a smile “Dowoon, Wonpil welcome” you said automatically, turning around “I got a few dishes for you boys to carry” you said warmly.

“Hello Y/n, we’re here to escort you” Wonpil said as both followed you inside to grab the plates. Seeing the alcohol Dowoon took it in his hands “I’ll carry these” he said as all three of you left your place then heading straight to theirs. “The Princess is here” Wonpil called as you guys entered the apartment, taking the plates off Wonpil as Dowoon put the alcohol in the fridge.

“Where should I place the finger food?” You asked Sungjin as you took your shoes off. Jae racing over before Sungjin could answer “over by the table near the couch” he spoke as you nod with a warm smile doing what you were told. Turning around, smiling at them all “So, you guys have been busy?” You asked, taking a seat as the boys followed.

“Yes, we’ve been getting prepared for our next album,” Dowoon said as Wonpil freaked out “no Dowoon!” He said as Dowoon gasp “Oh sorry Hyung” he apologised as the other three sighed. “Y/n isn’t going to tell anyone” Young k said starting to eat the food you made “hmm you make great food” he adds as you blush but nod.

The night went just as smoothly simple chit chat between eating and drinking. After dinner you helped by tidy up with Sungjin. All you guys sat around having a few to many to drink as you guys talk about nonsense, it was fun and relaxing but as it got later Dowoon and Wonpil left for bed, Sungjin left an hour after that and now you are left alone with the two that makes your heart beat fast like a hummingbird flapping its wings and making you a nervous giggling mess even without the alcohol.

Leaning against Young K to keep you from falling face first onto the carpet as you guys are now in a circle on the living room floor. A blush across your cheeks from the alcohol and the closeness of both men, taking a sip from your drink as your ears and tail were out since Sungjin left. “And I told you that the sound that a fox makes it’s not like that Jae” you said loudly, leaning towards him, poking his shoulder.

“Oh yeah? Then, what sounds do foxes make?” Jae countered as Young K chuckles keeping you upright while admiring your determination. “Come on Jae, You are arguing with a fox hybrid or if we use the correct term a vixen since she’s a female fox” he said as Jae scoffed “shush Brian! I’m waiting y/n” he said.

“I knew he’ll ask something so random, but it’s that stupid songs fault” you thought, straighten your back as you took a deep breath “firstly Foxes make a lot of noises, unexpected ones, but we are mostly quiet. Our vocal range is higher than dogs, but we do some barking, scream like howling, growling and even yipping if you could call it that” you paused taking a swig of your drink “we become more vocal during mating season which females will scream or shriek to allure male foxes, or they’re known as Tod or fox dogs, though males scream during that as well” you paused “oh we also purr slightly, maybe a few other noises but it is really hard to pin a sound to foxes when they remain quiet in most of their lives” you explained ears twitching as you let out a hiccup.

At your explanation both boys nod as they were trying to process this information but alcohol would probably make them forget by morning. When you hiccuped Young K smirked “cute” as Jae nods then grins “so basically you’re saying you are loud in bed huh?” He asked as Young K grabbed a new bottle to drink trying to mask how angry he was at that question.

Cheeks going darker at Jae’s question, jumping over to shush him “shhhh! That’s not something we discuss out loud” you said leaning away “the only way you’ll know is if we do that” you said as you finished off your bottle.

“True” Jae said as he smiled, getting up as he started to stretch, checking the time “I’m off to bed, you don’t drink too much Y/n” he said leaning down and kissed your cheek “night Brian” he said cockily heading off to bed as he let out a yawn.

Young K returning with two new bottles, sitting beside you as he smiled “don’t worry about Jae, his question was just something he has been dying to ask since he first met you and so happen to perfect timing since we are all drinking” he explained as he took as sip.

Hearing that was reassuring, leaning into him more, finishing off the new bottle he just gave you. “I think I .... I reached my limit” you said as you place your hand on his thigh feeling incredible hot as the alcohol has finally taken its effect on you “B..B..Brian I feel so warm, undress me” you said in a slight purr as you stayed against him, tail swaying wildly as you stare at him with glassed over eyes.

His eyes widen seeing the change in you, remaining calm as he blush as his name was called and the way you were staring at him, it didn’t help that your hand was on his thigh. Keeping you upright as he finished off his drink “Okay Okay, I’ll take you to bed so you can rest” he said as he scooped you up, your hands wrapped around his neck.

Carrying you off to his room, trying to not look as you began to strip in his arms “please Y/n keep your clothes on” he requested softly, lightly setting you down on the bed before he sat beside you. Placing his hand on your cheek “I’ll get you a glass of water” he said getting up but you grabbed his hand.

Looking deeply into his eyes, of course you were tipsy but you still had some control left. Grabbing his hand, you caressed it gently “thank you so much” you said softly, leaning up and kissed him deeply, heart racing as your tail moves around in a swaying motion.

“Wait Y/n...You......” he said as his lips met yours, eyes closed as he returned your kiss. Pulling away, caressing your cheek tenderly “Okay, I’ll be right back” he said kissing your forehead and left for the kitchen to get water.

“I’ll be here” you said as he kisses your forehead, eyes closed as the sound of your pounding heart reached your ears. Fingers touching your burning cheeks as you couldn’t believe you kissed him. Once he left, you fell back onto the bed and passed out, zoned out with a smile on your lips, completely unaware that watching you from outside of the bedroom was Jae who saw the kiss shared by you two.

Returning to the bedroom, Young K spotted Jae and sighed “you watched?” He asked as Jae nods “well I doubt she’ll remember, besides Jae do you plan on giving up?” He asked as Jae stepped closer “I don’t plan on giving up but I don’t plan on sharing” Jae said before he disappeared again. Shaking his head Young K exhaled “Oh Jae” he said as he entered the room, seeing you asleep and smiled “you are too cute” he said to himself as he got you and himself in the bed to sleep.

A thumping of a heart beat could be heard by your ears as your body was beginning to awaken and your senses sending signals to your brain. Eyelids fluttering as you slowly took in the morning light, looking over where you were lying, you came to the conclusion that you were lying on top of someone. Rubbing your eyes lightly, looking up you gasp and say up straight making you straddle him “No way! I fell asleep in Young K’s room again” you said softly to yourself. Having an internal freak out you began to check if you were naked or any sign that would inform you that you had sex, sighing in relief when you found no evidence that took place.

Leaning over to see his gorgeous sleeping face, smiling softly as you pressed a kiss to his cheek “why can’t I find a decent man like you or Jae .. Oh! well, guess I’m not meant too” you said to yourself as you carefully got off the bed but before you could place your second foot on the floor, you were pulled back into his chest, his arms holding you in place.

“Ahh Young K” you said in surprise as his lips made contact with your neck, letting out a giggle at the sensation since it tickles. “You already have, I’m right here all for you even Jae if you want him” Young K whispered in your ear making you shudder. His fingers keeping you close as he kissed the back of your shoulder “were you planning on leaving? I can’t allow that after such a long time missing you” he said bluntly keeping you in his arms.

At each contact his lips made with your skin, your cheeks turn darker shade of redder knowing you might transform anytime with this kind of stimulation. A soft whine left your lips struggling to break free but was only pretending to escape, eyes looked back at his, gasping at his beauty “I...I...I w..wasn’t planning on leaving, I was going to use the bathroom and go into the kitchen” you explained then whined in pain as you leaned into him, the aftermath of the alcohol hurting your head.

The sounds you made was very enjoyable, nodding along to your explaining where you were heading before he noticed the pain you displayed. Placing a kiss on your temple, he leaned over and grabbed the pain killers he brought back last night before he fell asleep “take theses, I knew you couldn’t handle your liquor” he said as he rubbed your back soothingly.

Taking the pills, you swallowed them and drank the water that was put there all so. Looking back at him as you cuddle into him “so is there any chance you’ll let me go now?” You asked curiously, finding his behavior normal as he did this apart from the kisses since that first meeting.

Tapping his cheek, he nods “okay, just come back, so we can go back to sleep again” he said loving his sleep, but he doesn’t plan on napping if you don’t return.

“Okay, I promise but unlike you I probably won’t sleep again” you said smiling, slowly getting out and leaving his room. Heading towards the bathroom you bumped into Jae “good morning Jae” you said softly.

Jae looked at you sweetly until his eyes saw the hickeys on your neck, tapping his cheek “did Brian do those?” He asked a little coldly.

Lifting an eyebrow, looking at yourself in the mirror of the bathroom and gasp “OMG! How did that get there?” You asked yourself out loud, looking to Jae “I’m not sure, I only just woken up” you said confused as you closed the door and used the bathroom.

“Hmm” Jae said as he then went to Brian’s room, opening the door to see Young K changed and composing “so you got busy with Y/n last night huh?” He asked as Young K lifted and eyebrow, then smirked teasingly.

“No, I wouldn’t do anything sexual with a woman who was unable to consent let alone intoxicated and was asleep” Young K said a bit pissed Jae would think he did, looking up from his notebook as he smiled “you saw the hickeys? That was from this morning trying to keep her in bed, but she was unaware” he said pausing to set his things done “besides when I do something intimate with y/n is when she has agreed on me being her boyfriend, or informed us what she wants from us” he adds getting back to work.

Listening to Young K’s words Jae did agree with him on that, there was no way he would either do anything sexual with y/n til she has informed them on what she wants. Rubbing the back on his neck, taking the spot beside him on the bed “Sorry Man, didn’t mean to sound like an ass. Though I am a little jealous of how you both act with one another” he said as he leaned back.

“Nah it’s cool, I understand” Young K said as he the put everything away, looking at his Hyung bemused “you know she’ll probably won’t pick to not start a fight with each other, Don’t get too jealous you and y/n have your inside jokes which is fun to watch” he adds as the door opened showing you in the door way.

Looking at both of them worried “Are you guys alright?” You asked shutting the door and slowly approached them “I didn’t ruin your friendship?” You asked with slight tears swelling up.

Seeing you at the door both men smiled then getting concerned and worried over the words you were saying. Jae shook his head “You aren’t ruining anything, don’t every think that” he said putting his hand out “we are always staying close” he adds as Young K nods “we don’t want to see that smile of yours disappear okay” he said as his hand was put out towards you as well.

“Okay” you said trying to Hold back your tears knowing that wouldn’t help, you took both their hands that were stretched out to you, climbing onto the bed and sat between the two of them.

Both men let their fingers caress your cheek down to your hands, holding it closely as both places a kiss to it. “How about we stay like this for a while, huh?” Young K asked as Jae quickly left and locked the door and returned “I agree with you there Brian” he said as they both looked at you sweetly.

Hearing Young K’s suggestion you nodded your head “Okay” you said as you let your tail and ears come out feeling comfortable, positioning yourself between them even more.

Several hours past and you were out cold on the bed between the boys. Jae and Young K making music while getting Sungjin to come in with food quietly to not wake you. “So you both are planning to date her?” Sungjin asked as he set the food down watching Young k guard you amusingly, turning to Jae as he took some food Sungjin brought in “Yeah, if y/n agrees to it. I doubt she’ll say no but if it happens it’ll be quite loud ..hey” Jae said glaring at Young k who threw the sock at him, Young K shrugging at Jae’s response. Sungjin rolling eyes “honestly I’m just glad you both are stepping up because it was annoying watching you flirt with her all this time” he said as he grabbed stuff to throw in the bed before leaving room.

Young K chuckled caressing your sleepy cheek “You know we have to tell JYPE about this, are you prepared?” He asks as Jae nods lying beside you as he yawned “Yeah, I’m up for anything” Jae said as he gave Young K a soft look before looking back at you.

A lot of complicated things happen from that night, firstly Young K and Jae both asked you out and agree to sharing you which honestly shocked you but they seem to be enjoying this unusual relationship. The hardship you had to face by JYPE was exhausting yet you fought through it since those two were fighting for the relationship themselves.

All of this happen within the first 2 months of actually dating those two. Apart from that you have been spending a lot of time with them. The only problem is that you get startled by them even more since they aren’t bothered with being very subtle, especially when in public and being all touchy feely with you. It doesn’t help to have those two appearing out of nowhere always frightening you nearly to the point of transforming.

“Seriously can you both stop appearing out of nowhere? I will transform if you keep on startling me” you said as Jae smirked “but I like when your flustered” he said as Young K nodded in agreement as he stood on your other side “your fox form is so adorable, I love it very much” Young K said as both men observed you as you folded the clothes you just took out of the dryer, of course some clothes were theirs.

“I’ll take that” Young K said as you put the last dried item of clothing into the basket, wanting to object but was glad. Jae however scooped you up “well I guess I will take this” he said as Young K groaned “no it’s my turn” he said as Jae laughed and responded back.

You had no idea what was going on through their heads. Shaking your head “I can walk you know, I have two feet which turn to four in my fox form” you said amused, getting out of Jae’s arms and then stuck your tongue out “If I make it upstairs first then you have to do anything I say for the next month and if you guys win then I’ll do what you want” you said then smirked “ready, steady go” you said racing off and going into the elevator.

The boys quiet down as you were speaking, smirking as they liked the idea of the deal. Jae groaned as you took off “cheater!” He called as you raced out and put obstacles in their way. However, Young K held the basket of clothes heading up the stair “stop whining, if she wins we’ll have a very happy girlfriend” he said as Jae smirks “fine but I’ll give her a run for her money” he said as he took off fast.

“Come on, get up faster” you muttered wanting to beat them but knowing if Jae run’s you might lose. Sighing as you imagine Jae rubbing it in your face making you his slave, shuddering as you pictured something even worse. Hand landing on your forehead “I am so stupid!” You said, “why did I even say that?” you added, shaking your head. As soon as the elevator door opened, you sprinted to your door and lucky you made it there first but you crashed into Wonpil.

“Oh y/n, I’m sorry! Are you okay?” Wonpil said full of concern as he knelt down, having Dowoon and Sungjin was racing over to check on you. Just as the others reached you Jae and Young K finally arrived, both men raced over.

“Y/n! Y/n” both exclaimed worryingly, looking at their members curiously as they took in the situation.

Sungjin faces them as Wonpil shielded you. “She crashed into Wonpil” he said taking in Jae and Young K’s expressions “why were you three racing up here?” He asked as he heard Wonpil squeal.

Checking your head you saw blood “don’t shout at them Sungjin, I told them to race me to the apartment” you said getting up to unlock your front door.

Young K chases after you, setting the basket down “Oi! You have a head injury” he did as Jae and the others chased after as well.

“I know but I need to check Wonpil for his, I could never forgive myself if I cause him harm” you explained getting the first aid kit.

Taking the first aid kit off you, Sungjin pointed to the couch “sit on there” he said as he watched Wonpil take a seat with you. “I will do this, but seriously you three have to be more careful” he said starting to lecture you guys as he began to do first aid on Wonpil and yourself. Once it was down Dowoon sighed in relief “y/n, Wonpil I am glad your better” he said as Wonpil nodded.

With that the bet was canceled due to Sungjin’s nagging so unfortunately no one won. You had to go to the hospital with Wonpil to check if there was any damage which came back negative, returning home to have those two staying with you and babying you even more.

Life continued to be filled with excitement, adventures, endless laughter, tears of joy and never ending noise but you will always and forever remember that time you met the two wonderful boys you fell madly in love with, even though they drive you completely crazy.

[barefoot-joker]

Yandere!Professor Pyg X Reader One Shot

Hey, guys! Welcome back to another Yandere!Gotham One Shot featuring Professor Pyg! I went with the route of Pyg loving music so this might not be what you’re expecting but enjoy it anyway!

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I smiled as the streets of Gotham were busy, it being a good sign for me. Deciding on the street corner on Main Street I set my guitar case down and opened it. Inside my mahogany wood instrument contrasted with the green velvet of the black leather case, the beautiful possession being an heirloom from my dad. Pulling it out I pushed the strap down over my head and allowed the guitar to sink into a comfortable position. Getting my hands into the right posture I exhaled and began to play, the soft tune being swallowed by the crowd. Quietly I began to sing in hopes somebody would stop by and drop some money into my case, the money going towards my rent for the month. It was hard being a street musician in this city as many people would come up and either steal my hard earned paycheck or turn away and scoff at both my skills and appearance. I'll admit I'm not the most attractive woman or have the most fancy clothes but I think what threw people off was the lack of multiple fingers and multiple scars on my hands. My dad had said it was because my mom had taken some pills she shouldn't have while she was pregnant with me and I would have asked her up front about it except for the fact that she ran off never to be seen by the two of us again. I closed my eyes and allowed my body to sway to the music, my eyes opening when I heard clinking in my case. I looked down to see a couple of quarters had been thrown in along with a dollar. You have to start somewhere. And so there I stood playing and singing, people throwing in money every once in a while. Around noon I moved to a different spot and continued my routine. By 1:00 I had made about $30 but I knew I needed to go to a different spot. As I was walking down the sidewalk someone bumped into me and in their rush took my guitar case with them. "Hey! Get back here!" Quickly I rushed after the man who had taken it, people cursing at me for pushing them. Rounding a corner I was close to catching the thief but he instantly vanished, the only thing telling me he was there being a few dollars I had made. Desperately I looked around but I couldn't find my beloved guitar anywhere. No, this can't be happening! In defeat I picked up the money that was on the ground, it adding up to $5. There was no way I was going to be able to pay rent now. With a saddened sigh I made my way to the GCPD, praying that they could help me. As I walked down the sidewalk I passed by a food stand, the employee shooing away a homeless woman. She seemed desperate as she pleaded with the young man but he was having none of it, him eventually smacking her. My eyes followed the defeated lady, knowing fully well that could be me. Looking down at the pocket of my jacket I knew what I had to do. "Excuse me, sir." "Oh, hello there! What can I get for you?" "I'd like one bowl of soup please." "Of course!" The young man worked quickly at pouring the vegetable beef soup into a Styrofoam bowl before plopping a slice of bread and plastic spoon in. "That'll be $5." I handed him the rest of my cash as he gave me the bowl, I nodding my head at him. "Thank you and please come again!" I turned away and spotted the woman, quickly heading over to her. "Excuse me, Miss. Here, you forgot this." I held out the foam bowl and I could see the hunger in her eyes. "Thank you honey, but a growing girl like you should have it." "No please, I insist." She was hesitant but took it in her hands anyway, thanking me once more. "It's no problem." "Bless you, child." She hurried off and I made my way to the GCPD. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I huffed angrily as I stormed out of the white building, anger evident in my soul. The cops I had talked to said there wasn't any need to help me as I was just a low life. In my rage I had yelled back and had possibly thrown a punch or two but was simply escorted to the front doors, the two cops watching me leave the premise. Scumbags. I fluffed my jacket and walked away, knowing fully well that if I saw another cop I would lash out. I decided it was time to head home and maybe listen to some cassette tapes to calm me down. I sighed as I looked up at the sky, grey clouds masking the Sun. Such a beautiful day ruined. I stuffed my hands in my pockets and continued my way till I reached my small apartment in the Narrows. Stomping up the rusty stairs I reached my apartment and unlocked the door, the dimly lit one room greeting me. Turning on a lamp near my bed I took off my boots and flopped onto the mattress. Sighing, my hand found my cassette player and I hit the play button, my dad's voice echoing in the room. My lip curled slightly as it played my favorite cover by him, the one he played before he left. I never understood why he left me to fend for myself at such a young age but I've overlooked it. My eyes closed as his guitar strumming lulled me into sleep. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It had been a few days since I had informed the police of my theft but they still hadn't given me any information about my missing instrument. I was starting to worry that I would never see it again and the note of one week till eviction on my apartment door didn't help at all. So in an effort to get rid of bad thoughts I took a walk around the city to clear my mind. Tonight the streets seemed barren as I roamed about, homeless looking at me like I was of the high society. Better start making friends. I rounded a corner and found myself near the Green Zone, cars parked everywhere along the sidewalks. Must be a couple of parties tonight. Stopping in the street I looked up at one of the windows with the lights on, my eyes following the silhouettes in the room. Classical music poured out of the window and I couldn't help but smile at the sound of Mozart. Suddenly I felt an arm wrap around my waist and before I had time to scream a rag covered my mouth. "Shh, my little piggy. Pyg has got you." I thrashed around in fear but the chemicals on the rag began to slow me down and before I knew it my vision had faded to inky black. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I groaned as my eyes fluttered open, my head pounding like never before. My surroundings were a bit blurry but after blinking a few times everything became crystal clear. I could heart my heart beat loud as I tried to stand, only to find my wrists were tied tightly to the arms of a chair I was seated in. Panic thrilled through my veins and began to freak out, my breathing becoming erratic as I struggled against my bonds. "Careful, my little piggy. We wouldn't want your skin to get chaffed." I froze as that voice came right from behind me. Hands laid themselves on my shoulders and I couldn't help the squeak that slipped out when the person sniffed my hair. The person let out a hearty chuckle and made their way into my vision, my eyes widening when I saw the person up close. They were a man with a pig's mask covering most of their face, his chin and mouth the only things exposed, and he seemed to stand proudly tall in his brown dress shirt and cream apron, the multitude of knives in it's front pocket making me gulp. "It's so nice to see you up close, Y/n. Watching from far away was starting to get a bit boring." He snorted which sounded like a pig, it adding to the creepy warehouse atmosphere. "W-Who are y-you?" "Professor Pyg at your service, my dear." He gave a bow and I couldn't help but gulp, fear crawling further through my body. "Why so afraid, dearest? I'm not going to harm you." "L-Listen, I think y-you have the w-wrong person. T-There are l-lots of Y-Y/ns here in G-Gotham!" "Oh I have the right person alright. There's no other Y/n that has such great taste with music." His gaze made me uncomfortable so I tried to curl up but my bonds wouldn't allow me to. I could see the anger in his eyes at my actions but he simply smiled and pat my leg. "I know something that'll cheer you right up." I watched as he walked away and into the darkness, returning a few moments later with a black case. "I know how much you've been missing this as it was your father's and it meant a lot to you so I recovered it just for you." The man opened the case and I couldn't help but gasp. Inside laid my dad's guitar all polished and shined up. It almost looked as if it was brand new. "W-Where did you find it?" "A dirty cop under Penguin's wing had it. Naughty boy. He should know better than to mess with something that isn't his." I was taken back by the possessiveness of that sentence. Who exactly was this guy? "I simply can not wait to hear you play! It will be nice to be the only one to hear you!" He squealed in excitement, it being an oink. "W-Why am I h-here, exactly?" "You, my dear, are here for your own good. I've seen the kindness you share with this city, the way you earn your living, the place you stay at. I've watched you play so many times, in fact every day I try and find where you are just to listen. You are so pure and yet nobody respects that. They all take and take and take but never give! Well it's high time that you get what you deserve...some gratitude!" He slammed the table I was seated in front of with his hands and I jumped, I not going to far because of the bonds. Suddenly my stomach growled and a pink hue overcame my cheeks. "Ah yes. The starving artist comes to light. You haven't eaten in a quite a while, have you dear?" I shook my head and he chuckled. "Well it's a good thing I made dinner. Wait right here~" He ran off and I took the time to try and get my wrists loose to no avail. The pig came back and set a plate of some kind of pie down along with a fork and knife. Looking at it the pie seemed normal but because of the situation I was in it didn't seem trustworthy. Professor Pyg picked up the utensils and began to cut into the dough, the smell of grease wafting into my nose. Done cutting he stabbed a piece of dough that also had some meat on it, him bringing the fork to my mouth. "Open up, dear." I shook my head and turned away. He growled and grabbed my chin before forcing the fork in my mouth, the food utterly disgusting. I attempted to spit it out but he quickly clamped a hand over my face so I couldn't breathe. Struggling to get air in I swallowed, the hand coming off which allowed me to gulp in oxygen. "What was that?!" "Simply the man who stole your guitar." I choked on my saliva. Did he say what I think he just said? "W-what?!" "He hurt you, dearest. You and this city. It was high time he got what he deserved and what better way to make him useful than for him to feed you." "Y-you're sick! L-let me go this instant!" I pushed and pulled against the ropes around my wrists, desperately trying to get free. "Now, now, my little piggy. You eat this lovely meal I prepared just for you and then afterwords you and I can make sweet music together."

[rapperkookz]

Rush!BTΣ — college!au, borderline crackhead au w/ @cynoirsure

a story about three friends and their obstacles of relationships, academic excellence, and figuring out that international kids aren’t all that bad.

19/35 (Lineage Bonding Part 1)

word count: 4k genre: sad boi, fluff, crack warnings: swearing

YOUR POV

You checked your phone for updates on your group chat with Jimin, Hoseok, and Kevin. Including your Big Sis, the five of you were planning on having a movie marathon tonight for a lineage bonding that Hoseok has been wanting for ages. You and your Big decided on going out first before heading over to Hoseok’s, giving the boys ample time for their own lineage bonding before you two joined in.

“So how’s it going with Jungkook?” Jieun asked, “I saw you forgave him, Little.”

You shrugged, fingers going through the hangers of the clothes rack, “Biggie, he’s so annoying. God, sleeping with him is getting harder and harder because I know that I have feelings for him. But fuck, I can’t say anything.”

“Why not?” She asked putting a hand on your arm.

“Because it’s supposed to be no-strings-attached. He acts so sweet and romantic, even when we’re not having sex, but it’s probably fake because we’re not entitled to each other,” you frowned.

“Maybe he has an interest in you too,” she tried to be uplifting, “Jungkook’s had plenty of experience, both you and I know that. Granted, he hasn’t slept with as many people as your Big Bro or grand, but he still has a body count.”

“I know, he used to a manwhore basically,”

“No that’s not what I meant Little,” she chuckled, “ever since you two started sleeping together, you’re the only girl he’s paid attention to.”

“That’s a lie,” you said reminding her about Lisa, “besides, he only does that because I ask him to.”

“Exactly. If Jeon wanted to fuck someone so badly, he could easily get another girl. He’s a good looking guy, do you really not think other girls are trying to get a piece of him? Little, all he did with Lisa was grind, you were so worked up about it because you like him.”

“I know I like him!” you groaned, “I just wish he would stop flirting with me like I’m his girlfriend.”

“He’s only doing that because he probably has feelings for you too.” she said calmly, “trust me, I’ve experienced the same thing.

“How? With who?”

Jieun sighed, “I hooked up with this one guy last year and we kept it going until first semester this year. We stopped because I wanted to find a relationship, not a hookup. But at one party this semester we hooked up again and I don’t know, I felt something different with him.” Your Big nodded, pausing when she saw a cute dress on the racks. “We talked everything out and said we’d try out a relationship. He used to fuck around a lot too, but he’s stopped since we started dating.”

“Yeah, but who was it with it, Biggie? Tell me!” You egged her on, which only made your Big laugh in amusement.

“You’ll find out soon, Little.” She only teased, making you whine. “You’re closer to him than you think...”

You were about to respond to what she muttered under her breath, but was interrupted by the ringing of your phone, “Hello?”

“Y/N! Where are you???” Kevin asked cheerily, “Come over now! Your Big Bro needs you.”

“Is Jimin oppa okay?” You asked to which Kevin chuckled, “Yeah, he’s just being really emotional right now.”

Telling him that you two were on your way, you hung up and turned to your Big who was still going through the clothes rack, disinterested in the options. “Ready to go Biggie?”

—

The three boys sat in the basement of Hoseok’s apartment, the television on as background noise as they were engrossed in a serious conversation.

Jimin was the start of this emotional conversion, coming into the apartment in a mood from his classes earlier in the day. He had his first simulation in the nursing labs, his performance rated poorly by his professor.

“Why do you look so sad Lil Bro?” Hoseok asked concerned, noticing the droop in the younger boy’s usually cheerful expression.

“Today has just been such a bad day,” he sighed, cracking his neck. “I showed up late to my first nursing simulation and I completely sucked at it. You know what my professor said after class? Are you sure you can do nursing?? I legit almost cried in the lab. After that, I had to talk with the Greek council about one of our philanthropy events because another fraternity claimed that we stole their event and I had to explain the whole situation to the board and how it was false accusations and that just sucked. Also, I got a 70 on my genetics quiz that I studied so hard for? Then I sprained my ankle a little bit trying to practice our set routine so I’m limping now. Today was just completely shitty.”

The two frowned, patting Jimin’s back in comfort, “We have those days Twin, it’s okay. You’re doing everything that you can.”

“But like, what my nursing professor said? That fucking hurt.”

“Screw him, who knows what he thinks. You’re gonna be a kick-ass nurse,” Hoseok said trying to cheer him up.

“I just...don’t feel like I’m good enough right now, for anything. Or like I don’t even know why I’m here right now. If I wasn’t here, there wouldn’t be much of a difference in the world.”

“Shut up and don’t even think about that.” Hoseok scolded.

“You’ve made such an impact on the brothers, on me, our Big,” Kevin said, “especially on Tae. You’ve made an incredible impact on y/n. They’d be upset if they heard you say that.”

Jimin sighed taking a sip of his water, “I guess.”

“Don’t focus on all those negative things, Little.” Hoseok slung an arm around Jimin, leaning his head against him. “What are some good things that you did today? It’s always good to focus on the good things of the day, all about balance, right Jimin?” Hoseok smiled at him as Jimin only shrugged.

“Well, I mean I did meet up with Jieun...Hyung this is kinda stupid...My bad parts still outweigh the good ones.” Jimin whined a little, frowning. Hoseok sat up, looking at Jimin incredulously.

“Woah, Jieun? As in the girl you were like heavily involved with last year and sort of in love with?” Hoseok gaped, Jimin nodding. Kevin’s eyebrows furrowed, tilting his head at his Big and Twin

“Isn’t that y/n’s Big? And aren’t they both coming tonight?” Kevin wondered out loud, Hoseok nodding, “Why is it shocking that they’re seeing each other again?” Jimin shifted on the couch, nervously twiddling with the rim of his water.

“Well...Jieun and I were fuck buddies last year and we stopped last semester since she wanted to find a relationship...But remember when we went to Deung Dae a few weeks ago? I ran into her after y/n went home and we got a little physical since we were both drunk...” Jimin scratched his neck, a little embarrassed smile on his lips. “Long story short, she makes me heart soft and my dick hard so...Obviously I had to cuff.” Hoseok cooed at his little’s confession, squeezing Jimin and pinching his cheeks.

“That’s so cute, Jiminie!” Jimin’s bad mood could only be repelled by his Big’s positive energy, a grin finally breaking out on Jimin’s face. “How do you think y/n’s going to take it, though?”

Jimin sighed, “I mean, I hope it’s not weird? Like...y/n reminds me of my real little sister and I think I’d be devastated if she was anything but happy for me.” Jimin pursed his lips, curling into himself on the couch. Kevin, who had let go of Jimin as soon as Jimin started to curl in was curious about the last sentence that Jimin had said.

“Real little sis?”

Hoseok nodded and patted his other Little’s arm, well aware that their new addition to the lineage didn’t know Jimin’s family background as he did. Jimin sighed, toying with one of his rings somberly. “Yeah, ah, I haven’t told you yet. I used to have a little sister,  just a little big younger than y/n, maybe a year or two younger.”

Kevin remained silent, waiting for Jimin to continue, as he did not want to ask w hat the boy meant by ‘used to’.

“Unfortunately, when I was a junior in high school, she passed away. She had a brain tumor and uh-she didn’t make it through the surgery.” Jimin said looking down, trying to hide the tears that began to stream down his face. “She was just about to enter high school, you know? She had so much more life ahead of her and then she just passed so quickly.”

Hoseok started rubbing Jimin’s back for comfort.

“Shew as the light of our family and whens he was gone, we all entered this dark place, myself and my mom more so than my dad and my brother. Jiyeon and I were so close, it was like a part of mew as ripped away when she died.” Jimin said, “there was a feeling when I met y/n, like Jiyeon sent her to me to make sure that we were both okay. Of course I could never replace Jiyeon with y/n, but she helped me find closure with Jiyeon. As you know, y/n’s the only girl I’ve never hit on or even have an attraction to that’s anything beyond platonic.”

Kevin frowned, sitting up to reach for the Hello Kitty tissues (tastefully chosen by Seokjin) that were under the coffee table. He handed the box over to Jimin, who only scrubbed the tears away from his face with his fist.

“I think it’s really sweet that you’re looking out for y/n like that, Jimin.” Kevin smiled. Jimin sniffled, “As one of her best friends, I know that she really values you and looks up to you. You mean so much to her.” The youngest, although the wisest, gave his twin a hug. Hoseok smiled fondly at the interaction. Hoseok felt his phone buzz in his pocket, fishing it out to see that Jieun had texted him that they were rounding the corner to the apartment.

“They should be pulling up any moment now...” Hoseok said before the doorbell rang. Hoseok stood up to go get the door, leaving Kevin and Jimin down in the basement while they both drank from their waters. He opened the door to reveal you and Jieun, smiles on both of your faces.

“Hey Hoseok,” Jieun grinned as you greeted him with a hug.

“Grand, why did Kevin call me and say that Jimin oppa was emotional??”

Hoseok gave a soft smile, patting your back, “He’s had a tough day, we thought that having you guys come earlier could help cheer him up.”

“He was telling me earlier,” Jieun nodded as you made your way downstairs. Kevin and Jimin turned their heads as the three of you entered the basement. You greeted Kevin first as he extended his arms in a hug, calling your name sweetly. After pulling away, you turned to your Big Bro, whose head was currently embraced in your Big Sis’s torso. She whispered something to him before pressing a soft kiss to the top of his head.

Your eyes widened for a quick moment, before registering the situation of their relationship, and accepting it internally, yet calmly.

Jimin turned to you after lifting his head from Jieun’s abdomen. He smiled sadly, the other girl wiping away the residual tears from the corner of his eyes. “C’mere, Lil Sis.”

Frowning, you approached him and wrapped your arms around his waist, squeezing tightly to show your comfort. Jieun patted your head and took a seat in the middle of Kevin and Jimin. You started rubbing his back, feeling it quickly rise and fall as he cried some more. “Oppa, are you okay?”

He mumbled an I will be and rested his chin on your shoulder, trying to stop himself from crying any longer.

“You’ll make y/n cry if you keep crying like that, Twin.” Kevin said, a smile softly spreading on Jimin’s face.

“Sorry, sorry twin...” Jimin laughed holding you protectively in his arms. “How are my two favorite girls?”

You pursed your lips as you looked up at him, a small smile spreading on your face as he absentmindedly squished your cheeks. “I’m good, oppa. I’m a little tired, but I’ve been looking forward to this bonding time together all day, I’m just excited to be with the whole family.”

“Me too, it feels like we’re all just a little too busy to have all this time together like this, I’m happy we could all find a time to be together.”  Hoseok smiled, clasping his hands together. Jieun nodded, before frowning a little.

“Ah, but I’ll have to leave a little early since I still have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow, is that okay?” Jieun worried, looking over at you. “I don’t want the testosterone in the room eating y/n alive.” Jimin chuckled a little, shaking his head at his girlfriend.

“Don’t worry love, I promise we’re not that fragile with our masculinity for that.”

You nodded in agreement with Jimin’s statement, wriggling out of his grasp to sit next to Kevin. The five of you decided to sit on the floor surrounding the coffee table.  Jieun and Hoseok checking in on how Kevin was holding up with being introduced to Greek life and balancing schoolwork.

“If i’m completely honest, my mental health feels like trash, but like WINGS and hanging with you guys always makes me feel better.” Kevin nodded, grinning at his twin and Big. “I’m forever grateful for those late night street food runs during study sessions and the fact that Hoseok hyung always has access to the dance studios because he’s either in the room or he just wants to lend it to us.” Kevin reached for the last of the honey butter chips on the table, offering some to you before he finished the bag. “Also I’m just glad that me and Tae’s schedules and classes are similar so I have someone to study with after class, not to mention we live in the same dorm so we see each other often.” Kevin checked his lock screen of his phone, swiping to unlock it. Hoseok looked over the table, seeing that there was only a little bit left form the haul he and Seokjin had bought earlier.

“Why don’t we cook something up so we can eat while we watch a movie? I’m starving” Hoseok stood up, already moving towards the kitchen and giving Kevin a certain look so that Kevin could cook for them. You picked up on the look before your best friend, laughing when you saw your grand trying to get Kevin’s attention. You nudged your best friend, who looked up from texting his boyfriend, getting up to follow his Big into the kitchen. You sat opposite of both your Bigs, having a small understanding. Still, Jieun spoke up first. “I’m sorry we didn’t tell you anything sooner, Little. We-I-just-”

“I didn’t want to hurt you or make you feel uncomfortable with both of your Bigs dating,” Jimin said.

You sighed, knowing exactly what they meant, “I’m happy for both of you. I support this. I just don’t want to be put in the middle if you two end up breaking up, you two make up my lineage and I would be heartbroken if I had to choose sides.”

“We wouldn’t let that happen, Lil Sis,” Jimin said, “The two of us are mature enough to know not to let you get caught up in the middle. Whatever happens between us is between us.”

You turned to your Big Sis, “You settled this player Biggie? I’m impressed.”

She laughed pushing away Jimin who was slightly offended by your joke. “How could I say no when your Big Bro was literally begging me to go out with him after all this time.” Shrugging, Jimin turned to you, “Be like your Big Sis and don’t be easy for boys, y/n. You hear me?”

You nodded, catching Jieun’s eyes for a moment before grabbing the tv remote, claiming that you were going to look for a movie for the group of you to watch. Kevin and Hoseok returned downstairs soon after, a large pot of ramen in Hoseok’s hands as Kevin brought down drinks for everyone. They agreed with the consensus of watching Coco, being in a feel-good mood. A quarter through the movie, Jieun stood up announcing that she was going to head out.

“I should probably go, it’s 11 pm.” She said regretfully, letting go of Jimin’s hand.

“Wait! Before you go, we should take a cute lineage picture,” Hoseok said, “I’m a pro at self timer.”

“Hyung, that’s not what you said when you busted your shit coming back from my reveal pics.” Kevin teased making Hoseok groan.

“Don’t remind me, it’s still your home screen! But I guarantee I’ve gotten a lot better from the beginning of the semester!” Hoseok flashed his signature heart shaped smile at his lineage, his heart swelling seeing how his family was growing. He disappeared into one of the rooms to grab the tripod that Seokjin had gotten him as a gag gift after the reveal party, bringing it back into the basement so that they could get ready to take their picture.

“Let’s all look cute okay?” Hoseok turned on the lights, pausing the movie as the four of you moved to position yourself. The five of you made a scalene triangle, Hoseok standing proudly as the point. He put his hands on top of Jimin and Hoseok, who went down on their knees, one hand hovering above each of the boys’ heads. Jieun knelt next to Jimin, the two of them hovering their own hands on top of your head, showing that they shared you as a Little. You sat down in the middle of Jimin and Jieun, leaning back against them fondly. You all smiled nicely for a cute photo before doing a bad bitch photo with asses out and everything, you being the first to change your pose from cross-legged to thot squat.

Jieun laughed as she received the pictures from Hoseok’s airdrop, “I’ll see you guys later, alright? Take care of my little.” You all waved her off as Jimin escorted her out of the apartment, Kevin scooping you into his lap as you guys continued the movie. You were deep in thought, however, and Kevin picked up on it first.

“You good, y/n?” Kevin squished your cheeks and you could only sigh. Kevin quirked an eyebrow, sitting up.

“Was it a bad idea that I gave him another chance?” You spoke vaguely about what was going on in your mind, but Kevin immediately knew about what you were talking about. Jimin was coming back down the stairs, hearing your sentence and immediately looking over at Hoseok. He was just as confused as Jimin, the both of them concerned about your comment.

“Gave who a second chance?” Hoseok spoke up first, curious about the secret that you and Kevin were hiding. You tried your hardest to conceal a gasp, remembering that you had only confided about your situation about Jungkook with Kevin and Jinhee (not counting your sisters). You were nervous about exposing your secret with Jungkook to the other two, especially Jimin. Your heartbeat quickened, turning to Kevin for help. He winked back at you, having the situation under control with the excuse that you and your best friends had made.

“Her fuck buddy.” Kevin answered simply, nodding. “They ghosted her and she was mad at them for a hot minute, but they apologized with a super long paragraph and sushi and I guess now she’s doubting taking them back.”

“Sushi? You mean Jungkook?” Jimin asked recalling his conversation with the younger boy during spring break, “You’ve been fuck buddies with Jungkook the whole time? It wasn’t a one-time thing?

“No...it was more like...a regular sort of thing.” you mumbled, “Oppa, please don’t be mad at me.”

“I’m not mad,” he reassured, “it’s just...wow like Bigs like Little.”

“God I remember when you and Jieun started your whole fuck buddy thing, “Hoseok reminisced, “and then I remember you crying to me when she broke off your thing and said she wanted a real relationship.”

“I didn’t tell any of you oppas, well besides Kev and Jinhee, because I didn’t want you guys to feel weird or hurt, whatever relationship I have with Jungkook I just wanted to be with me and him. Not with the Betas and the Sigmas as well.” You said

Kevin started rubbing your back, “sow hat is your relationship with him?”

“I like him,” you sighed, “I really like him. And God I don’t even know if he likes me back, I feel like a stupid lovestruck kid in grade school.”

“It’s okay,” Kevin said, “I feel like an idiot when it comes to Tae, too.”

“Like, whenever I’m with him, I just feel like the best version of myself.” You said with a small laugh, “Jungkook’s the only person I’ve felt 100% comfortable showing my body with. And oppa, you know my body insecurities.”

“I have them too,” he nodded putting his hands on top of yours, “You know Lil Sis, if he makes you happy and if you really feel like that with Kook, who am I to stop you from being with him?”

“Besides,” Hoseok said,” we all knew the sexual tension between you two was strong. Like c’mon, I could see it during every WINGS practice.”

“Shut up Grand!” You said throwing one of the pillows at him. The boys laughed, the mood brightening.

“Okay while we’re laying it out here, and since I already spilled every other vulnerable thing about me. Twin, I’m really glad that you and Tae are dating.” Jimin said putting his arm around Kevin’s shoulders. “He and I have been best friends for so long and before you, he’s always been a bit lost with himself. Thank you for loving him, Kev.”

Kevin smiled and gave Jimin a hug, “I’ll do my best to never hurt him, Chim. And I hope you know that although tae spends most of his time with me now, it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care about you. I may be his boyfriend, but you’re his soulmate and best friend. I respect that.”

“Although, I’m curious, Kev.” Hoseok rested his elbows on his legs, leaning forwards to look at Kevin, “How did you get Taehyungie to come out? I always had the gut feeling that he wasn’t straight. Kevin shrugged at Hoseok’s question.

“It wasn’t really forced out of him,  but I think he was just scared of telling everyone else that he was attracted to more than one gender.” Kevin told you three about his drunken confession on Valentine’s Day and how Taehyung would avoid using the term girlfriend and instead say more gender neutral terms like partner instead.

“After Valentine’s Day, when he woke up in my arms, he just looked extremely content. I don’t think he regretted telling me that he liked me, because he often tells me that he’s so thankful that I helped him redefine himself.”

Jimin nodded, a smile . on his face, “This is so cheesy bro, but you saved him. I’ve never seen him so happy.”

Hoseok grinned, pulling you over so that the four of you would end in a group hug, “I love our CHARM lineage.”

[To Be Continued]

A/N I’m so sorry this was 2 weeks late, @cynoirsure and I were so busy with school stuff, but I swear we’re back and a little less busy! We’ll keep this story going for you guys :)

4-8-19

[blurhawaii]

Yuletide 2019

dear yuletide writer,

hello and happy yuletide! this is my fifth year taking part and my longest letter yet so i’m just going to jump right in. the suggestions are guidelines. if you’ve got a great idea, go for it. i only ask that you steer clear of my dislikes.

feel free to go through my tumblr for each of these fandoms. i should have tags for them, tho your mileage may vary. i might even have more stuff on my side blog: here. likes:

dysfunctional relationships eg. codependency, messed up father/son dynamics, enemies to lovers, power imbalances.

found family

big loyalty kink. love it when trust is earned and kept.

praise kink

vulnerability in men

open and honest communication between partners

i love ot3s. it’s the journey of them getting together and making it work that interests me the most. or how an established pair goes about bringing in a third person.

stories set in canon. or a divergence of canon.

dark/bleak fics. don’t be afraid to drag characters through the mud. happy endings are welcome but i like the struggle.

i’m fine with anything from gen to porn but would be happiest with something in the middle. i love first times.

canon typical violence is fine and to be expected from some of my choices of fandoms.

detective stories/film noir

magical realism/cosmic horror. weird hints of it in an otherwise normal universe

redemption arcs

characters and relationships are more important than plot for me

dislikes:

AUs that are completely disconnected from canon e.g. coffee shop AUs.

established relationships

crossovers

genderbending

feminisation of male characters

fics that are entirely fluff

A/B/O fics

PWP

mpreg 

scat/watersports

first person fics (i have no problem with second person fics tho if you think that could work. they really wow me when done well.)

The Departed (2006) *Billy Costigan             *Sean Dignam

one of my favourite films ever. i request it every year so you can't really go wrong with this as i am thirsty for anything. most of my love is for dignam and his tough love attitude towards his job and the undercovers he's responsible for. it's obvious he cares, i don't think you could do a job like that and not care, but those rare and few moments when he softens around billy --we need you, pal-- that's what i would like to see more of. i have written a couple of departed fics myself, centred around costigan/dignam, but in all honesty, i would be happy with anything involving them both. shipping is preferred but whatever you are comfortable with is fine. due to the nature of the film, i am perfectly comfortable with violence and the screwed up relationship they are bound to have. the friction born of the situation vs the fact that they need each other to get through this is what i am all about.

codependency, power imbalances and enemies to lovers tropes are abound here.

fics where billy lives are my usual go-to. the survivability of being shot in the head, that kind of stuff can be hand waved away in fic, and i'd love something that explores the angst of billy's ‘where the hell were you when i needed you’ reaction towards dignam following that ending.

or a canon divergence fic with their totally antagonistic relationship being front and centre. i just ask that there be an underlying level of affection, no matter how buried. when billy is undercover, there’s a special kind of relationship that comes with dignam and queenan being the only people he can talk to.

something i’ve never seen for this but would actually love: a time loop/groundhog day fic

Jurassic Park Original Trilogy (Movies)

*Sarah Harding                  *Ian Malcolm                  *Nick Van Owen

i originally wasn’t going to ask for this again this year (i was lucky enough to get treated with a fic a couple of years ago) but then someone other than myself nominated nick van owen which surprised and delighted me and i figured why the hell not.

my passion here is the ot3 potential. i view these three in the same way i view the trio in the first film, meaning i see them as three people who have bonded over a traumatic experience and come out of it forever linked in some way. they spend the entire film looking out for each other and keeping each other safe, and they all separately take care of ian’s daughter at one point and i am fascinated by this and how that could continue in the future. (in fact, i love stories where adults treat kids like adults, not talking down to them–see any shane black film.) i’m looking for an actual relationship between them but would be happy with anything that showcased a connection with every side of this triangle.

anything post-film with them dealing or not dealing with what happened would be amazing. there are quite a few fics based around this idea for the first film’s trio, i’d love to see something like that for these three. (i’ve always been kind of bitter about the way nick just disappears for the last act but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ that’s what fics are for, i guess.)

i don’t like the jurassic world films but i’m fine with fics that take that future into account. a lot of the trauma for these characters comes from the idea that the parks still exist and continue to fuck people up.

Godless (TV 2017)

*Roy Goode                 *Bill McNue                 *Alice Fletcher

i’m a massive fan of westerns. the harsh way of life, the violence, the isolation, drawn out revenge plots, the murkiness of good vs evil or sheriff vs anti-hero, the importance of honour and heroism and how that differs for men and women, especially in this universe with its town full of widows. having said all that, i’m still very much a sucker for cool cowboys in a shallow female way.

as you’ve probably already gathered my favourite thing is turning every love triangle into an ot3. so i’d love a fic post canon where roy comes back after realising found family is just as important as real family despite frank’s influence. i imagine bill would try to do the gentlemanly/self depreciating thing of bowing out and letting roy and alice be together but i’d love for alice to actually get a say in this where she wasn’t allowed in the show. however you jigsaw them together my main thing is that bill doesn’t get left out.

i feel the roy/bill aspect in particular could be explored a lot more. i love that they don’t hate each on sight. they learn mutual respect and then smoothly move around each other during the gunfight at the end. (bill’s deteriorating eyesight side plot also fascinates me, how it goes with his loss of purpose -”losing his shadow”- and comes back when teaming up with roy to defend the town. maybe there’s a fic possibility where it flares up again due to his insecurity of roy coming between him and alice. either way, the hints of magical realism here and with frank’s repeated insistence that he’s seen his death and this ain’t it are great and i wouldn’t mind seeing more of that.)

the usual ideas of western masculinity get all twisted around when roy and bill are in the presence of alice and they both seem kind of subby towards her, which yes please. the way alice kisses the scar she gave roy and the fact that he simply lets her is *chef kiss* because i also love the parallel that bill got shot in the hip trying to get revenge for alice. they all have scars that tie them together.

i’m actually very okay with letting them be soft with each other after all of their tragedy.

honest communication between partners could work wonders here.

Barry (TV 2018)

*Barry Berkman                     *Monroe Fuches

i expected to like this show. dark comedy, depressed hitman, henry winkler, it’s a perfect combination of things. i didn’t expect to get obsessed with barry’s obvious fucked up father-figure hangups. but hey ho, i was pleasantly surprised.

pretty much every one of barry’s relationships in this show has an element of fucked-upness but the barry/fuches one is by far the worst. it’s codependent, it’s manipulative, it’s a little abusive, the power is constantly flip-flopping and most importantly there’s the father/son dynamic that could so easily tip over into something sexual. it’s everything i love. any time fuches calls barry “his boy” it kills me. and i am fascinated by the way barry can go from needy and touch starved to a rampaging killer hunting fuches down by the end and still have that dynamic going strong.

the parallels between them and the barry/gene cousineau relationship, which is fucked up too just in a very different way, are great. love the jealousy it brings and i would even be into a fic set post the season 2 ending, if you could find a way to swing that. though, while i like a little darkness, i would still rather see them fall back into old unhealthy habits than kill each other.

any kind of prequel fic would be amazing too.

and just to be clear i’m more than okay with a sexual relationship between these two but if you don’t want to write it that’s fine. I’d just like all the other aspects of their shitty relationship delved into.

L.A. Confidential (1997)

*Bud White                         *Ed Exley

pretty much all of my bullet pointed likes come into play here. i’ve nominated two characters but i’d be happy with almost any combination of the characters available in the tagset as long as exley is involved in some way.

ships i like: bud/exley,  exley/vincennes,  bud/exley/lynn

but if we matched purely on both bud and exley then:

i love the opposites attract partnership bud and exley have and i like that they both seem angry at their attraction to each other. hate-sex with reluctant feelings? always good. i'd love anything that deals with their perceived difference in intellect and/or education. bud being turned-on by exley's smarts, exley realizing how much he's underestimated bud, them being mutually impressed by each other.

if you choose to go down the ot3 route then:

i love fics where exley shows up in arizona and they fall into weird domesticity. i love seeing how three people--especially three people who aren't used to the idea of poly relationships--work their way towards realizing and accepting what they want.

and while i’m not sure what you could do with this knowledge, i’d just like to add that i’ve read the book and i’m somewhat obsessed with the existence of dream-a-dreamland in general. if you could incorporate that in any way i’d be hugely impressed.

POKEMON Detective Pikachu (2019)

*Harry Goodman                        *Hide Yoshida

this is totally a last minute request that i’ve edited in but is by no means less wanted than the others. i watched this film back when it came out and was honestly surprised by how much i enjoyed it. i’m a massive pokemon fan and have been since i got my pokemon red when i was seven years old and, let me tell you, getting to see all those growlithes waddling about the real world was like a childhood dream come true.

i had a good time and i moved on.

a few days ago i stumbled on a piece of art : here : and it was like the little goblin that is my brain just sat up straight. the very concept of these characters together had never crossed my mind before that but then suddenly the desire for this just casually strolled through my entire headspace, turning on every light as it went.

i love detective stories, i love cop partnerships, i love hot single dads who happen to be cops with cute little pokemon cop partners. i love that harry is kind of a shitty father but he’s now trying his best. i love that hide had nothing but praise and respect for harry when he meets with tim and that he knew things like tim wanting to be a pokemon trainer when he was younger (meaning he and harry had talked about stuff like this.) i love that hide inexplicably has a spare key to harry’s apartment in his desk drawer. i love how absolutely certain hide was in saying harry loved his son more than anything in the world.

there’s history there is what i’m saying, and i’d love to know more about it.

anything set pre-film would be cool. loose cannon harry throwing his whole being into his job to deal with the loss of his wife and his fractured relationship with his son. hide the tired lieutenant trying to rein him in, quietly talking about tim together, keeping him grounded and safe. all up until he can’t, that is. (great angst potential with hide genuinely believing harry is dead.)

anything set post-film would be even better. harry struggling to find balance between being a father and a cop. probably doing a shitty job at it in the beginning. hide trying to help. would love for tim to be an actual presence (outsider POV could be amazing here.)

may sound strange but my favourite thing that used to happen in digimon a lot is when characters would interact with each other digimon partner. i would be massively into a fic about the two of them growing closer through each other’s pokemon partner.

thank you writer and best of luck.

[the-sera]

2, 5, 11, 14, 15, 21, 27, 29

2. talk about the girl who made you realise you liked girls

It might be weird, but I can’t pin-point a specific girl that made me realize I like girls. It’s not that there were no “first”, but I guess I have always been a femme lesbian undercover as a straight girl. I have spent my whole life being me, but “me�� didn’t match what I “needed to be” to the world. They needed a different version of me and it didn’t make me happy. I just both realized that all my major identity and relationship problems were tied to being straight, and that I would pick a woman over a man my whole life...

TL;DR is that there are those girls you don’t know if you want to be her or if you want to date her. I realized that I’d date those girls, and I don’t feel that towards men.

5. describe your crush!

A dork, funny but busy. She brings sunshine wherever she goes. She doesn’t know her value I think, but she is always giving her best.

11. hugs or kisses?

I like kisses a lot, but I give top-hugs, literal top-hugs, I am a tall lady.

14. what’s your favourite personality trait for a girl to have?

I don’t know if it’s a trait, but knowing who she is would be it. It’s not about consistency, it’s more about a person that knows what they are and what they are not. I like the idea of someone who doesn’t need to be someone else, it’s very rare, but since the day I have embraced myself, seeking others who do too has been a journey.

15. what’s the best thing about liking girls?

I’d say it’s having all your vulnerabilities understood and at the same time your strength being valued. It’s like a rose with torn, it has so much complexity to it. It’s really pretty and fragile, but it’s also very strong and even dangerous. I believe girls who like girls are more likely to embrace our nature and understand us. But other than that? Everything.

21. what’s your favourite lgbt+ movie?

Hard to pick, so many good ones, probably Carol (2015), because it portrait 2 femme lesbians, and it’s fairly rare that I get the chance to have a movie that portrait that. I wish I could see more representation of that, like Bechloe would have been that. Don’t get me wrong, Love, Simon is a gem and it deserves to be my favorite probably just as much as Carol. So it’s not an easy pick. A Simple Favor could have been that, they almost did it, so close! Missed opportunity.

27. do you have any older lgbt+ people you look up to?

Ian McKellen, Ellen Degeneres, Laverne Cox, Jodie Foster.

29. who’s your favourite fictional wlw?

Very difficult pick. Bechloe truly opened the door, it REALLY made me understand things. Pitch Perfect was recommended to me by a friend who passed away, which is why it took me a bit of time to find Pitch Perfect. I love A Simple Favor could have been, but I still put it in the honorable mention I guess.

Clexa and Shaw/Root were meaningful despite not being aware I was a lesbian yet. Amberprice really nailed the coffin of the straight concept for me.

And Belivaird (from Carol) is just magnificient in many ways. There is something about Belivaird and Amberprice that I like and it’s that they truly put us in reality. I don’t feel like the world is altered, I feel like those pair develop like real relationship develop in real life. I liked many w|w movies that don’t make the pairing realistic in the way they meet/develop their feeling, lots of tragedy bonding. But Belivaird and Amberprice are just... real. If I look at the world, there are Amberprice and Belivaird couples out there. And I like it a lot for that reason, it’s not just representation, it is a true expression of it. I feel like there are stereotypes and stigma around lesbians, some are not evil, they just either paint us as all the same or simply with certain issues most don’t actually deal with. In a sense this is why I have a love/hate relationship with The L Word. There is so much amazing stuff in there, but if an alien takes that as a sample to learn what lesbians and women-attracted-women are... they won’t get a real glimpse at it. The L Word is good entertainment for us and a good fictional representation (and I look forward to the return of it) but it’s not real. A lot of it doesn’t feel real and doesn’t look real. It’s still good, hell it’s AMAZING, it’s up there in my list. But when I look at a movie like Carol, I know that the couple I am seeing is real. It’s not a romance movie, it’s a movie about a romance. We don’t wear pink glasses, it’s true to its form and story.

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk...

#ask #answers #list #me

[barborawrites97]

Self love

There are more and more people fighting with self love. In the present world it is hard to believe in yourself because others are envious towards you so they constantly try to put you down.

Lack of self confidence could be considered as a mental illness, most common among teenagers, especially women. For some people it is just a temporal state of mind but for others it can develop to a sort of depression. That is the reason why we should not be ashamed to talk about it. I decided to write a story about my own fight with self hatred.

I suffered from acne and when I was a child I used to be called fat. However, it did not do any big damage to my confidence, I was still a kid. The real issue, as for most teenager, started about at the age of 12. All those things and insults were returning to me. In my memory or even brand new ones. I kept staring at myself in the mirror, thinking how fat and ugly I am. I was crying every day. I had a lot of friends but no one was that close to me to share my insecurities.

Boys did not show any interest in me that time so I was not searching for a relationship. However, one day I was chatting with one guy on Facebook and he made me feel very special. And it was something new for me. It felt so good so I fell for it. I got into a relationship. A long-distance relationship. It was perfect for me, even though I never thought it would last long. I am a very photogenic person and as we were both young, we would not see each other for years. He made me feel a little bit better because he was a polite and sweet gentleman. I felt wanted. Although I was aware that I look better on photos than in reality, it was a satisfying feeling. But the hatred towards my appearance did not go away. I was looking into the mirror from distance and then closely again to see how I would look from a perspective of somebody kissing me. It does sound stupid and it is but I still did that every day. I’ve been going running for some time or working out a bit, eating healthy but it did not help my confidence. There was only one person, who made me love and accept myself the way I am.

The guy, who I started dating 4 years ago, was my saviour. I shared more and more with him. He saw me on videos, video calls, random photos and I was always the most and only beautiful girl for him. And from the love he gave me I built the love for myself. He is the most important part of my life because he taught me this. The most valuable thing.

I look at myself now and I look at photos from the past. I used to be slim. I had an amazing figure. Yet, I never found myself attractive. I have gained some weight during those years. I do call myself fat sometimes but I know I am happy with my curvy figure. I have better complexion now and all it took was to wait a few years.

I wanted to give you hope. To anyone who is reading it right now - YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. No matter what others say. One day you will meet a person who will see you flawlessly. They will give you the love you deserve and bring endless happiness to your life.

And for you, my love. For the person who helped me overcome my insecurities: I could not have done it without you. Although you are far away, there is no stronger bond than the one we have. You fill me with joy by your love, even though you can’t be physically here for me. There has never been a time when you have not been there for me mentally. No matter what happens, you will always be my true love and my soul mate. You are the source of all happiness and optimism in my life. I look at myself and see a beautiful woman that you have created. Thank you for that.

And for you who took a bit of their time to read this: I wish you all to find someone like I have found. Do not worry. There is somebody waiting for you. Every time you look into the mirror, tell yourself how beautiful you are. How special you can be just if you believe in it. Thank you for reading it and I hope that I have made you smile because you are PERFECT. And there will be a person to see your perfection. One day.

[o0o-chibaken-o0o]

Could you tell me some drarry fics where Draco and Harry write letters to each other anonymously

Hello, hello!!! The @hpcommentathon is happening now, so I want to broaden this list to include ALL letter-writing as well as chatting/texting fics :D. Hopefully these recs will help you fill one of your categories!! And if you’re seeing this after the comment-a-thon is over, leave these brilliant writers some feedback anyway

Epistolary Drarry (letters)

Lettered (8K), Lush Life (19.5K), & Home Again, Home Again (22K) by pir8fancier- Harry has a secret penpal, whose identity is as plain as the nose on his face. Except he’s not wearing his glasses.I’ve only just realized today that the last work in this series exists, and I’m in a panic because I must MUST read it— the first two are amazing and perfect and they have EVERYTHING. Be aware that the sequel(s) are very different from Lettered because they take place years later, but Lush Life (and probs the other one too!!) is JUST AS BRILLIANT as Lettered, which you will definitely fall in love with!!!!

Catch 22 by jad (50K)- As if NEWTS weren’t enough, Dumbledore’s gone and had another one of his ‘bright ideas.’ If all ends well, the Houses will be getting along in no time. Or according to Harry’s correspondent, an Apocalypse will be in order.Okay THIS FIC THO. It’s exactly what anon is looking for, because they are writing proper anonymous letters back and forth, trying to guess each others’ identities, and it’s an amazing read! With a very dramatic reveal :D

Dear Diary by AWickedMemory (20.5K)- // This can’t possibly go worse than the last time I kept a diary. //After the war, Harry picks up a journal to write in… and it writes back. Luckily, it’s not a Horcrux on the other end this time.OOOOOH this one is just so delicious because Harry is asking his “anonymous pen pal” what he should do about his crush on DRACO MALFOY and that is a recipe for amazingness if I ever saw one.

#switching #owling #bumping into each other by @queenofthyme (~2K)- No summary because this one’s actually a drabble here on tumblr (although you will soon be able to find it as part of qot’s drabble collection on AO3!), but I JUST LOVE IT SO MUCH and I thought of it immediately, so I couldn’t not include it! It’s beautiful and there may or may not be POETRY from one of the boys to the other!!!

I identify my star sign by asking which is least compatible with yours by Ingi (13K)- In Eighth year, Harry Potter’s new term resolution was not getting into fights with Draco Malfoy.It lasted exactly a month and two days.This is a wonderful, cute little fic with a ton of attractions!!! It seems like I’m always asking myself which fic this or that element is from, and somehow the bits I remember have turned out to be from this fic multiple times. Idk how it’s possible, but I do know you’ll enjoy it greatly

A Fluffy Little Olive Branch by @julietsemophase (5K)- Harry comes into work one day to find a box with a baby owl inside sitting on his desk, and a note from a mystery well-wisher.Just… really cute!!! ADORABLE, even. And very… fluffy *wink wink wink* (I’m hilarious shh). Featuring a very thoughtful, pining Draco and a sweet baby owl

Dear Enemy by @gingertodgers (69K)- An anonymous benefactor makes a generous donation to Harry Potter’s School for Squibs in exchange for a weekly letter from the Boy Who Lived.What begins as a chore soon becomes the only outlet Harry has to talk about the war, love, life, hope, redemption, his renewed obsession with a certain blonde nemesis and how he really, honestly, believes that this will be the year Puddlemere United reclaim the Quidditch League Cup.Okay, so my friends on the Drarry discord just told me today about this fic and about how everyone who reads it is obsessed, and I just (accidentally) read the first chapter and am already HOOKED so they were not lying!! 100% sure we will all adore it

On Our Way by Dynamic (30K)- Draco is trying to spend the summer keeping his head down, but a repair project and a certain snowy owl have other plans for him.This is an absolutely LOVELY, very touching!, not quite eighth yeah year fic that features DRACO FINDING AN OWL WHO IS HEDWIG’S CHILD AND TRYING TO GIVE HER TO HARRY WHO NEVER WANTS ANOTHER OWL!!!! Literally, how perfect???

And an Owl Named Romeo by Rickey (26.5K)- Draco breeds owls, Harry’s an Auror, and an owl named Romeo is going to bring them together.I’m noticing that a lot of these fics revolve around owls, which is amazing because I ADORE reading about them, but I must say this might possibly be my favorite Drarry owl fic!!! Harry buys an owl from Draco, then needs lots and lots of advice

Better Than an Origami Bird by @jadepresley and yours truly @o0o-chibaken-o0o (3.5K)- A series of letters in which Harry and Draco argue, play truth or dare, get kinky, and are a couple of very naughty (or very good, depending on who you ask) boys during class.This fic was literally the most fun thing ever to write, because @jadepresley and I got into a contest to see who could make the other one blush more — so if you want some very kinky epistolary smut, you will not be disappointed (hopefully!)

Starfall by Lomonaaeren (196.5K)- When the truth about a seemingly minor Dark hex Harry has suffered leads to the dissolution of his marriage with Ginny, Harry spins into a downward spiral. His private consolation is creating a fantasy life for himself in his journal as Ethan Starfall, a normal wizard with a big family. When he receives a random owl Draco Malfoy has cast into the void as a plea for help with his son Scorpius, Harry replies—as Ethan. There’s no reason, he thinks, for an epistolary friendship with Draco to go further. But Draco might have different ideas about that.This is obviously a HUGE fic full of angst and many many issues and plot devices besides letter-writing—but since the letters are pretty central to the plot, I’m including it here! This fic is a crazy ride, and you will get so invested. Great if you’re looking to read something longer :)

Chat/Texting Fics

Real Texts by @affectiionwrites and @jadepresley (2K)- Kingsley has decided all his Aurors need muggle mobile phones. Draco has finally learned how to use his, and gets a hold of Harry’s number.Drarry textiiiiing!!! And they’re so funny about it! WITH PICTURES!!! I adored the mop, and if you want to know what that means, you’ll just have to read it ;D

Howlr by @partialtopotter​ (15.5K)- Howlr is the new dating application enchanting Witches, Wizards and Everyone in between. Are you looking for the one or a one-night stand; it’s all here folks. Howlr is sponsored by Weasley Wizard Wheezes, the same team that brought us the Spellular just two years ago. Ginny Weasley, famed chaser for the Hollyhead Harpies, swears by the app, ‘guaranteed to make sparks fly,’ she says. The magic awaits you!This is actually another one I haven’t gotten to read yet, but I had to include it because I hear people gushing about it every time a new chapter is released and I am SO looking forward to reading it! Based on this amazing post

Must Love Quidditch by dracosoftie (103.5K)- Through a series of emails from an online dating site, Harry thinks he’s found his perfect match. Will the bond they’ve forged survive after their identities are revealed? This fic is a classic, and a great one for if you’re looking for a longer fic! Dating sites are just the best!!! RIGHT?? And there are some courting rituals in here that I greatly enjoyed as well ;D

Blind Date by JosephineStone (8.5K)- Draco’s been working with Harry for years when another one of his relationships goes stale. He has to be married within a year, and though the WizNet has burned him in the past, Draco finds a new possibility in man as desperate to marry as he is. Only then for Harry to see his last chance with Draco slipping away, and he refuses to let Draco ignore his advances any longer.Another dating site fic!!!! These always have me W E A K!!! And this one is especially amazing because in addition to chatting online, they work together toooooo

Group Chat by @jadepresley​ (2K)- A screenshot of a group chat conversation between Draco, Harry, Ron, Pansy, Hermione and Theo.Okay I know there are three fics by Jade on this list, but I swear I’m not (only) trying to seduce her; she’s actually just AMAZING at this format and you have to read them all because uhkdskjsaaslkdj!!! This is one of the funniest short fics I’ve ever read, NO LIE

[easkyrah]

What’s your opinion on younger teens in the sjm fandoms? I’m starting to get uncomfortable when younger kids follow me and their age is outright listed on their description.

This went way longer than I thought it was. I’d originally planned simply giving a one sentence response, but the more I thought about it, the more I think I needed to clarify, and pin down why I felt this way. Because opinions aren’t fact, you know?

I didn’t grow up on bedtime stories where the prince saved the princess. When my mother tucked me into bed, she told me two weeks after her marriage, she cut herself. As she made the motions over her wrist, I sick feeling remained in my stomach for days, and every day my father came home from work, I would rub my palms over my arms.

My father holds that sex remains an integral facet of a marriage. Without intercourse, two individuals exist as friends. So whenever my father felt aroused, he forced my mother to have sex with him, even though she’s repeatedly told me when we’re alone she doesn’t want it—but she has to if this marriage is to work.

I told my mother that that is rape, that he’s undermining the vow to love each other. But my mother’s so broken down from her young, past self, she can’t see it. One day, she asked me, “Do you think your father’s controlling?” Not husband, but my father.

And it is my father that locked me out on the porch, and when he let me in with me blubbering “why why why”, he told me, “I destroy my enemies so completely so that they don’t destroy me.” Me—his daughter—his enemy.

I’d been doing the dishes, and the plates had made a clashing noise. “That sound is annoying,” my father had said, approaching me. “If you make it again, I’m going to start using my fists to keep me happy.”

I told him I’d report him, but that didn’t deter him. “Good!” he shouted. “Report me so that I don’t have to take care of you anymore.” My mother had watched silently, but she knew she couldn’t do anything.

Because he is controlling. He had my mother quit her job before I was born, and told her if she wanted to get one know, it would have to be as a trash can driver—because it’s work that’s singular, where she won’t be surrounded by people. He closed both my mother’s and I’s bank accounts.

My younger sister whispered to me one day when our father was home, “If this is love, then I do not want it.”

I found love overrated at this point, anyway. I identified (and still do) as an asexual, so when my father preached sex was the fundamental root of a relationship, I cringed. And when my sister, still discovering her orientation, told me she thinks she’s bisexual—well, I knew we were doomed.

We couldn’t talk to our parents—because my mother tells my father what we tell her—about how we felt.

“You’ll like boys when you get older,” my father said. It’s why when I was in elementary school, he had me sign a contract that I wouldn’t date until I was over 21. “You’ll start feeling attracted sexually—that’s normal.”

But I never did. I found boys cute, sure, but it never went further than that. And whenever my friends came out to be gay, and he found out, he’d say, “It’s a phase in life, they’ll get over it.”

I’ve never said it outright that he needed to get over his own homophobic feelings. It was not up to him to play a god and determine the happiness of others—such as I cannot let age be an aspect of discomfort to justify monitoring or controlling others.

Who was my father to lecture me on the privilege of having the chance to cut myself when he found out I was suicidal? Who was he to laugh at me when I demanded he re-open my bank account and tell me “that’s cute” when I begged for my own credit card? [Side not, just today I opened a student savings account! It feels amazing having this autonomy, even small, from him. It’s a step.]

Celaena had been told by Arobynn, the father (?) figure she knew, about the ways of assassins. When you apply the psychodynamic view, it’s no surprise she believes in the beginning violence is the answer. And in my household, when not negative reinforcement, but punishment reigns, you associate violence as a form of tough-love.

But books show that this is not the way, and it doesn’t have to be. I read TOG when I was a freshmen, thirteen years old. I’d gone through the Wattpad phase, scoffing and belittling every romance/chick-flick/werewolf/vampire/love work in my head. What did these people know about love, probably conjuring these scenes they wished happened to themselves?

But the beauty with SJM’s works is that not only are her fictional relationships unique, but herself and her husband Josh’s relationship too. With SJM’s characters such as Aelin, it took our favorite protagonist more relationships than the single one in books where the female lead + first male mentioned ship together.

In ACOTAR, on the other hand Nesta’s been assaulted by Tomas Mandray. Feyre goes back to an abusive relationship (arguably) with Tamlin. Elain’s put herself in a shell when Feyre went missing. Her characters intertwined with pieces of my own story. There are not just external challenges, but internal character development cognitively.

And meeting people, conversing with people over Tumblr—I found people just as broken, if not more, than me. You can’t dismiss these people in the fandom across all ages who have had their own experiences because of relativity.

And I find age a relative number. Oprah Winfrey was 9 when she was raped. One of my closest friends, an immigrant from Egypt, was nearly 5 years old when his house had been ravaged apart and the sounds of gunshots still ring in his years more than decades later. And conversely, I learned what a dildo was when I was in a senior in high school—and over Tumblr.

When sex-ed teachers said “don’t have sex till you’re married”, I saw that sentence as justifying what my father said—that sex is essential to marriage. But it is anything but. Trust and communication are. In fact, in social societal circumstances, what you learn in the classroom never covers this. And if you’ve been raped—how do you feel, knowing that you didn’t have a choice?

Because my mother didn’t have a choice, not when she’d be left with nothing now if she filed for a divorce. Neither did my friend who was attacked by a male when she was at the gas station and dragged away in the night at Bakersfield. Education never covers more than the basic of what has been preached for years.

For so long, no’s have been negotiated. If I tell a man “no”, he says, “But I’ve brought you coffee this entire week. I’ve made you food when you were sick. You owe me this at least.” Do I really owe him that? If I’d known his supposed kindness wasn’t hallmark of friendship, but something much more sinister, would I be emotionally manipulated into feeling like a bitch if I’d disagreed?

So when SJM gives me a badass female who goes through the stages of defeat and grief, but picks herself back up, I see a role model. I see what my mother could have been. I see what my father would have deserved—my father who negotiated my mother’s no’s, and that is not okay. “No” is a complete sentence.

It’s not to say SJM’s books prove the epitome of relationships—Aelin had intercourse with Rowan on the beach—do you know how unsanitary that is?? Do you know???

I get the age stigma, and I’m going to admit that I didn’t have my sister read City of Heavenly Fire while Jace and Clary have sex in hell—am I the only one who found that ridiculous?? Books do over-romanticize things, but isn’t that the point of fanfiction? To portray it in however you feel—more realistically?

When I first came onto Tumblr, my fics were only angst. I carved facets of my own family life into these fics, and when I received notes that readers cried and couldn’t believe I had the capacity to write this, they became more exposed unknowingly to bits of me.

I’d rather my sister read books and join the Tumblr fandom than say yes to the boy on the bus showing her a pornographic video (because boys do that unashamed here), allow teammates on our cross country and track team to smack her butt and ask to make her feel better with a kiss, etc.

Because in our circumstance, reading the stories of those, such as Celaena who survived Endovier—she’s the closest thing we have to understanding our own situation of what transpires in our house. When Sam died, my friends had sobbed while those whose parents had passed away—they didn’t shed a tear. So the former learned what it felt like to have someone you loved ripped away from you—and this empathy later on serves as a life skill.

The fandom itself has been incredibly supportive. I’ve met people from Bulgaria to Australia, and not only do I have better glimpses into the culture, the bond of SJM books have brought a situational awareness that I have yet to experience sitting fifty minutes in a high school classroom.

Because it’s too late to learn the truth of things in college. Our brains do not absorb the information as compared to when we were younger. Retention rates and all that—we’ve got to start young. There are many forms of education, and Tumblr taught me that my father is not the only type of male in the world—and that there are others like me who have thought there was no way out.

SJM’s characters have taught me self-love, that I can be more than my environment. Age knows no boundaries. What one person experienced at 9 years old is what another could have in his/her 20’s.

Age has always been a limit. I mean, it wasn’t until the 26th amendment 18 year olds and over could vote—but are there not the prodigies below that mark more informed about government and politics than someone who has only lived in their city and has been exposed to their parent’s opinions since he/she never went to college? Especially today with the Internet as such a vast source and online class to enroll it, education starts with incentive, not age.

And if NSFW posts are the issue, then we can always insert that read-below cut. It won’t prevent them from not reading, but we can always frame it in a way that perhaps is meant for these younger readers, and then at the very end, reveal that it was for such.

We can use our blogs in a positive manner to educate about sex, if that’s the root of uncomfortableness. We can be the sex-ed class that we never got. Tell me why my sex-ed teachers called people out if they asked questions, saying the kids were too eager? If we are to overcome the stigma about learning about our bodies, then we have to be able to talk about it.

The youth are the future generation, and if we keep teaching kids that we shouldn’t know things at certain ages, then we set limits on education itself. When I told my sister to not read City of Heavenly Fire, she got a copy from her friend and read it herself—which put a strain on our bond. Because restrictions show that we do not trust. And we’ve got to take the leap of faith. 

I get not everyone has these tragic/pity/sorrowful stories, no matter what you believe. But personally, SJM’s books taught me that there exists some good in the world. There is redemption. There are second chances, and my sister and I struggle to fix our family.  

We have to be exposed. It’s how we function. And for kids who never went through sex-ed, reading books as a source of information can direct them to look things up and educate themselves.

SJM’s books illustrated that you could find happiness without sex—a fact my father would have disagreed with. SJM showed that love is progress, and doesn’t have to be detrimental. Some may interpret her books in other ways, but that’s why it’s so pivotal we have these discussions.

Take Nesta Archeron. Lots of people has called her a cold-hearted bitch, not realizing that it’s an actual, legitimate defense mechanism. And if being a cold-hearted bitch is sending mercenaries after your sister, starving yourself to death so their father would save them, writing a letter to the Mortal Queens despite her hatred of Faes—then I guess I would be too.

But knowing me, I’d freeze up and probably would have not lived at all. Because it’s easy to dismiss characters when they do something we don’t—as if we could have done better. Sure there’s ways Nesta could have gone about and done things differently, but then she wouldn’t have been Nesta Archeron, you know? We’re dismissing her as a person, and coping mechanisms as invalid, which people use in life.

Passing judgments on characters is easy, but when you dive into the Tumblr fandom, you see people defending her (like me), and get another side of things. These debates allow for that one track mind to diverge.

Because if I hadn’t opened up to people, then I would have continued to cut myself. And then I was able to help my sister stop too. The exchange and interaction of ideas may be used to promote ideas that no longer remain up to date, but that’s why we have other users who are up to date, and use their knowledge to write about them. Because knowledge is power!!

What do you guys think? Lowkey highkey want your feedback and thoughts not just to my response but the anon’s as well.