barborawrites97

[barborawrites97]

Self love

There are more and more people fighting with self love. In the present world it is hard to believe in yourself because others are envious towards you so they constantly try to put you down.

Lack of self confidence could be considered as a mental illness, most common among teenagers, especially women. For some people it is just a temporal state of mind but for others it can develop to a sort of depression. That is the reason why we should not be ashamed to talk about it. I decided to write a story about my own fight with self hatred.

I suffered from acne and when I was a child I used to be called fat. However, it did not do any big damage to my confidence, I was still a kid. The real issue, as for most teenager, started about at the age of 12. All those things and insults were returning to me. In my memory or even brand new ones. I kept staring at myself in the mirror, thinking how fat and ugly I am. I was crying every day. I had a lot of friends but no one was that close to me to share my insecurities.

Boys did not show any interest in me that time so I was not searching for a relationship. However, one day I was chatting with one guy on Facebook and he made me feel very special. And it was something new for me. It felt so good so I fell for it. I got into a relationship. A long-distance relationship. It was perfect for me, even though I never thought it would last long. I am a very photogenic person and as we were both young, we would not see each other for years. He made me feel a little bit better because he was a polite and sweet gentleman. I felt wanted. Although I was aware that I look better on photos than in reality, it was a satisfying feeling. But the hatred towards my appearance did not go away. I was looking into the mirror from distance and then closely again to see how I would look from a perspective of somebody kissing me. It does sound stupid and it is but I still did that every day. I’ve been going running for some time or working out a bit, eating healthy but it did not help my confidence. There was only one person, who made me love and accept myself the way I am.

The guy, who I started dating 4 years ago, was my saviour. I shared more and more with him. He saw me on videos, video calls, random photos and I was always the most and only beautiful girl for him. And from the love he gave me I built the love for myself. He is the most important part of my life because he taught me this. The most valuable thing.

I look at myself now and I look at photos from the past. I used to be slim. I had an amazing figure. Yet, I never found myself attractive. I have gained some weight during those years. I do call myself fat sometimes but I know I am happy with my curvy figure. I have better complexion now and all it took was to wait a few years.

I wanted to give you hope. To anyone who is reading it right now - YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. No matter what others say. One day you will meet a person who will see you flawlessly. They will give you the love you deserve and bring endless happiness to your life.

And for you, my love. For the person who helped me overcome my insecurities: I could not have done it without you. Although you are far away, there is no stronger bond than the one we have. You fill me with joy by your love, even though you can’t be physically here for me. There has never been a time when you have not been there for me mentally. No matter what happens, you will always be my true love and my soul mate. You are the source of all happiness and optimism in my life. I look at myself and see a beautiful woman that you have created. Thank you for that.

And for you who took a bit of their time to read this: I wish you all to find someone like I have found. Do not worry. There is somebody waiting for you. Every time you look into the mirror, tell yourself how beautiful you are. How special you can be just if you believe in it. Thank you for reading it and I hope that I have made you smile because you are PERFECT. And there will be a person to see your perfection. One day.

[barborawrites97]

The definite fall

We can't stop it but it keeps spreading all around. The mentality of people is changing. It has never been perfect and I'd hope, it will capture the bright side. But as it seems, the population is incorrigible from its mistake. There are 3 circles of failure of mankind. ENVIROMENTAL, POLITICAL and SOCIAL. I wanted to focus on the third problem the most but let's immix into all of these.

 Nowadays most people don't believe in God. I don't force the faith upon you, but there's something everyone should realise. If you don't believe in God, who created the nature and everything connected to it, including human race, you should believe in nature. After all, it is our mother. But we still destroy that. Our generation won't be that affected by sins held in our hands. But when you throw trash on the ground again, think how long will it take until it decompose. How much hurt will the nature be? And think about having kids in the future. Do you want to have family? And do you even realise that it's right you and me, who ‘prepare’ the world for our kids. It's going to burden them the most. And I bet, as a parent you would want the best for your children. "What the heck? It's just some trash!" And the answer? Imagine 7 billion people saying the same.The planet is becoming a big rubbish bin. And we are also part of the rubbish with this behaviour.

Over 99% species already extinct. People let companies sully our atmosphere, cut forests, kill animals and so on. A few years ago, there was an incident in Malaysia - Farmers wanted to burn a part of rain forest to plant (probably the most stupid idea to cut down millions-years-old trees for some stupid wheat) but didn't think about the drought. The fire burnt most of the rain forest, killed so many animals; they tried to extinguish the fire for months. And what's the funny thing? If you searched that on the internet, you wouldn't be able to find it. It wasn't even on the news. Why? Because governments don't want people to know. Nobody would like a news like this one. But they still have money from it, don't they?

 This brings us to political issues. Money. There's corruption everywhere, you never know, who to trust, everyone can stub you in your back. We want more and more but from the bad cup. We're addicted to money and that's the worst addiction. We would do everything to have more and we are losing the real value of the important things. This is the case in politics, too. They think they've got power over us. Why? Because they're richer. They just sit on their asses and make more money than anyone can ever imagine. But that's the least they do to us. They are withholding the truth and justice from us. Are you happy with your country because it 'cares' for you and mixing into its business is just a waste of time, because you have everything you need? Food, electricity, news, television, internet. Exactly! That's the point. They give you all of these that you wouldn't mind their doings. If soldiers fought for peace, there would be NO WARS. You wouldn't even know, how many countries are involved in a war between two states. For money, weapons, everything. And we do nothing about it. Humans' lives might depend on our decisions. People are dying each second, they fight for their life, children lose their parents. BECAUSE OF MONEY! Because far across the ocean, there's a fat man sitting, having all needs, eating hamburgers but complaining about not having enough.

Have you seen The Matrix? What if the thought of it is real? What if we are just slaves in a mind prison? Kept locked by regular supply of necessities? Think about it.

 And now finally the society. There are so many social experiments proving how mindless and careless we are. You see somebody in danger or in lack of help and you just pass by? How ridiculous! I can have a little understanding in those,because people do a lot of pranks and you don't want to get fooled. Then don't do stupid pranks, people! But imagine yourself in some dangerous situation and others are just walking through. Maybe with a little sacrifice you'll receive much more by making someone else happy. Another topic could be bully. But there's the same solution. Imagine yourself in their shoes. Don't do or say things, which you wouldn't like to experience, to others. You never know how will you look like or where will you end up after couple of years.

Statistically there's an awful fact which we should discus. It says that the sought-after porn is sex between relatives, family members. Isn't it awful? You can say that it's all just a play because the characters are only actors doing their job and they need a plot to turn you on. But the thought of it is disgusting. I wouldn't mention it here if it was only about porn. As a proof that it's becoming a serious issue - A couple of times on Instagram I saw a few posts about it, too. In one, there was a girl, lying on a bed, with curvy body and so on. The capture was – “If your sister turned 18 and you'd see her like that, what would you do?". When I read comments under that picture I appeared amazed. In a bad way. 90% boys wrote, they would have sex with her. What's the difference if she's 18?! She's still your relative, your sister, THE SAME BLOOD. We become to behave like animals, dear humans. Animals also don't care, who they – pardon me – fuck with.

Songs. I've heard so many times that I've got different taste in nowaday music. Yeah. I listen to old music and metal. I listen to metal, because it has a meaning. The text is powerful, the melody is divine (of course, not all kind of metal, haha). But it is meaningful as well as the old songs. They all have a story. Find me some story in the songs teenagers listen to now. The singers just talk and add music or repeat a few words over and over or just say stupid, random words, which doesn't make any sense. But whatever. Music isn't the problem. Look at the clips. Is there even some videoclip without twerking, shaking ass or showing parts of your body, which shouldn't appear in a music clip? This fact leads to fashion. I go shopping and I see those girls. I have nothing against shorts. I wear them, too. But you don't need to show your ass. Or have a cleavage, what shows your whole breast. Keep some dignity, girls! Once I also saw a girl wearing shorts in shape of panties, just walking by, showing half of her bottom. I was with two boys that time and I asked them, what do they think about it. "We love it! It's so perfect!". Let me laugh - HAHAHA. You point with your finger at a woman, who covers her hair with a scarf (hidjab). You say, it's bad and shameful that she hides her hair with a piece of cloth and keeping the dignity, what the girl, exposing half of her ass, doesn't have. Instead of that, you find it sexy and now on people wonder, why is the number of raped people increasing. Shame on you, men.

While scrolling Facebook, I found some girls from my previous school. I know, how did they look before but when I see, how they show themselves to the world, it makes me sad. Put tons of make up on your face and show your boobs like a hoe, friend! That's soooo lovely, huh? Are you really so desperate to find someone for sex by posting those? Well, I immediately understand, when I see those statistics. Myself, I had a classmate, who lost her virginity, when she was 13. And yet, she's not ashamed of it and her sexual life just grows. And the statistics? In Czech republic is a law, what says, you can't have a sexual intercourse unless you are 15 years old. But it's absolutely normal in here that most of teenagers lose their virginity at age 13-14. Don't tell me, you are that lucky and found your true love at that age. Virginity is like a flower. Smash a flower in your hand and it will never look alike anymore. Go and enjoy with some boy, who just wants to use you and then throw you away, and after a few years you'll regret your impatience to be a ‘big girl'. I understand, sometimes it just doesn't work out. But in future, if you don't regret losing virginity to that one person, you will know, she or he was special. And you will never need to be sorry for anything.

 That's all I wanted to share. Maybe, it will help you think and process things, maybe not. I wanted to get this out of my chest, give a little help, how to be a better person and be aware of things happening in our life. I believe, there is a cure to these and that's LOVE. If we all loved what we have and the people around, we wouldn't hurt the nature, wars would come to the end, we would find more care in the society and we wouldn't expose our bodies to force somebody to like us. Love is disappearing and it's hard to recognize true love from the fake one. Here's a little type: Love are no reasons, no facts, no likes and dislikes. It's some feeing you feel. You don't know why, you just know you would lose part of yourself if you lost the people, you love.

[barborawrites97]

I almost forgot, how it feels to cry myself to sleep.

[barborawrites97]

True love is the rarest thing, we can ever get in our life. Then don't waste it and treat it the best way, you can. You are the lucky one, who has it. Don't play with that.

Me

[barborawrites97]

Rightly bad choice

Snow, cold, loneliness. Look out of the window and you’ll see all of them. Snow is covering the beautiful nature and hiding everything, what once has been seen. Cold icy wind stings like a knife. And the last thing in form of a dark and deep night is loneliness. Scary sound of a church in the middle of a square is announcing midnight. Houses are drown in the night, but.. There still remains light in one window.

Once upon a time a beautiful flat, with people spreading true love to each other, fell far apart from what it used to be. In fact, not the flat. The atmosphere was affected with a human being living there. And the human being fell apart from the right way.

Old man, stooping sitting in his armchair, wrinkles all over his face. Sorrow expressed with his sad look. He’s all alone, broken. Where’s his family? Why doesn’t he have anyone? Did they all die and he stayed as the last one? The answer is no. The weather outside is a synonym of the feeling, he’s having hidden in his heart. His love is shattered to million pieces like the snowflakes outside. Frozen, later on melted and disappeared are all his memories about the past. Icy wind is the pain stubbing his heart. And the loneliness is a consequence of his wrong decision, he’s made long ago. His empty eyes, fulfilled with pain, are staring out of the window. And he’s remembering..

“The day has finally come! I cannot wait, my dear!”, says the woman. “We’re starting a new life, baby. We always knew, we are meant to be together, didn’t we?”, replies the man, moving closer to his girlfriend to kiss her. He continues: “We’ve been through so many things. We had bad times but now with this new flat we’ll always be together and happy.”. The woman agreeably nods and holds the man’s hand. And in love they’re carrying up boxes to their new home.

A few months passed away and they’re sitting on the sofa, in a warm hug and love is flying in the air, stronger, deeper and more passionate. They are the happy couple, that everyone wants to be. They both have job, they have enough money, they adore each other, they support and respect each other. But even in the most beautiful fairytale must be some complication. It was the man’s indomitable passion. For the world. Even the young years of their relationship had problems because of it, but the man tried to reduce it for his woman. But the desire couldn’t have been erased fully. And one day it came back. The woman was calm, because it happened many times and she believed she would make it better, as all those times before. She kept reminding him, how they planned a marriage, a baby, the whole life by the person’s side. She didn’t give up on him. But nothing was getting better. So she’s begun comparing 2 choices, he had. He could stay with her and let the world be. He’d feel happy, he maybe wouldn’t make his wish to make the world a better place come true, but after a few years, he wouldn’t regret that. Because his girl has always been the one supporting him, staying against everyone, when he was alone. And she promised him to be there for him like this, for forever. If he chooses the second way, he’ll lose her. Maybe now, it’d seem like the right decision, but by the years regrets will find him. Nobody will help him. He’ll probably do the right thing in terms of humanity, but people won’t understand, will call him crazy and they’ll literary spit into his face. He decided. He’s chosen the happiness of the humanity upon the happiness of his dear. And she, with broken heart and all split dreams, left him. He began a way on his own. He felt like he made the right stuff. He spread love and peace to all. He tried to show the same journey to blinded people. But they never took him seriously. Within all the years of failure, he got lost. He gave up, because there was no reason to continue, when no one can see the sense of it. He has realized the mistake, he’s committed. He was blinded himself, when he thought, he’s got heart big enough for everyone. And he was even more naive to waste true love of the person, who has never betrayed him. Exhausted he returned to the flat, where he used to live with his beloved. But it was already too late to get her back. He closed up to the whole world. He stayed alone and cried.

And now, old and dying, he’s sitting in his armchair. Remembering of the life he’s wasted and of the life, he could have had, if he chose his girl. He remembers her gorgeous locks of hair, her sparkling eyes, her wide heartwarming smile. He thinks about the sight of her face, when he woke up and fell asleep next to her. He remembers the taste of her soft lips. With eyes, red because of weeping all these years, he magically smiles upon a picture, which he holds in his hands. She’s there, on the photo. Smoothly smiling at him and he’s returning his smile. Then he imagines the family, they could have had. But it’s drown deep in the ocean. Lost in the dust. It’s never going to come back. He holds his face and starts to cry. He’s weeping but nobody can save him, only death. And he knows it. And with the last tear flowing down his cheek, he passes away.

[barborawrites97]

Written just perfectly!

The Type, True Love?

There is a trace of immense amount of bonding energy, that can be cited from this image. Not only just be the varied colors of the personified characters, but also the objective of it’s kind.

I came across this potent photo in the social media (of course, most of which reflect my interests). I mean the contents. And this straightaway caught my senses. There’s something so coherently meaningful. Anyways, I’ll get onto it.

Epilogue: The most interesting thing you’d cling onto would be the phrase, “YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE”. But when you try to concentrate more on the picture, you see the book offering flowers too. Yeah, you might have spotted that easily too. So, the ‘book’ is there, devoted to the ‘lamp’ - which he metaphorically subjects as its sunlight. That, in fact, is true!

As you see, the book can only be read with the presence of the lamp, that shines its light unto the pages. And the lamp wouldn’t be necessary, if the pages weren’t there to be read. They both have an irresistible bonding to each other - a love so true, that can’t be changed with virtue. They accept each other without the aspect of color, type or purpose.

Now, that is real love to me.

Photo via: Shuffle Photo

[barborawrites97]

September 8, 1994: The famous kiss at MTV Video Music Awards

[barborawrites97]

via all4michael     “You all have really given (?) your loyality to me. I wish I could truly look you in the eyes and talk to you all. But I’m to shy It sounds silly but it’s true. I truly love all of you very much. Don’t believe all the strange stories that people make up about me. Sometimes I cry but it’s fans like you that make me go on. I love you all, Michael”

[barborawrites97]

[barborawrites97]

"I love the waterparks! I wish I could do that more often these days but I’m allergic to the sunlight. I really can’t go in the sun without an umbrella but then there are the times when you’re just like, it looks like so much fun and you just say ‘forget it’ I’m going. I have to do this!" -Michael Jackson

[barborawrites97]

MJ with ladies and his mom Katherine.

[barborawrites97]

Making of BOTDF

[barborawrites97]

[barborawrites97]

Michael Jackson and Oprah posing (Rare)

[barborawrites97]

[barborawrites97]

5 years since our angel went to heaven.

[barborawrites97]

I’ll never let you part for you’re always in my heart…