#yes this is partly in relation to that post I made the other week about my au in the future where chara's the most fucked up guy of all time

[bogos-bint3d]

Ok but boring Frisk who is perfect little angel who's so sweet and calm all the time and just so so good and normal is done. Over. No more. From now on Frisk is weird kid they're so so not normal they're holding onto sanity by a single thread actually. When they're older they have a motorbike and look badass.

[tournament-announcer]

Hey ik this is not tournament related, but in case you didn't know and want to spread the word, Tumblr is selling everybody's data to AI companies.

Here is the staff post about it https://www.tumblr.com/loki-valeska/743539907313778688

And a post with more information and how to opt out https://www.tumblr.com/khaleesi/743504350780014592/

Hi thanks for the information and sorry for my late reply. I was a bit low on spoons this week and I wanted to form thoughts about this.

Because the thing is, I am doing a PhD at an AI department in real-life. Not in generative AI, in fact I’m partly doing this because I distrust how organisations are currently using AI. But so this is my field of expertise and I wanted to share some insights.

First of all yes do try to opt out. We have no guarantee how useful that’s going to be, but they don’t need to be given your data that easily.

Secondly, I am just so confused as to why? Why would you want to use tumblr posts to train your model? Everyone in the field surely knows about the garbage in, garbage out rule? AI models that need to be trained on data are doing nothing more than making statistical predictions based on the data they’ve seen. Garbage in, garbage out therefore refers to the fact that if your data is shit, your results will also be shit. And like not to be mean but a LOT of tumblr posts are not something I would want to see from a large language model.

Thirdly I’ve seen multiple posts encouraging people to use nightshade and glaze on their art but also posts wondering what exactly it is these programs do to your art. The thing is, generative ai models are kinda stupid, they just learn to associate certain patterns in pictures with certain words. However these patterns are typically not patterns we’d want them to pick up on. An example would be a model that you want to differentiate between pictures of birds and dogs, but instead of learning to look for say wings, it learns that pictures of birds usually have a blue sky as background and so a picture of a bird in the grass will be labelled as ‘dog’.

So what glaze and nightshade are more or less doing is exploiting this stupidness by changing a few pixels in your art that will give it a very different label when an AI looks at it. I can look up papers for people who want to know the details, but this is the essence of it.

To see how much influence this might have on your art, see this meme I made a few years ago based on the paper ”Intriguing properties of neural networks”, Figure 5 by Szegedy et al. (2013)

Finally, staff said in that post that they gave us the option to opt out because of the maybe upcoming AI act in Europe. I was under the impression that they should give us this opportunity because of the GDPR and that the AI act is supposed to be more about the use of AI and less about the creation and data aspect but nevertheless this shows that the EU has a real ability to influence these kinds of things and the European Parliament elections are coming up this year, so please go vote and also read up on what the parties are saying about AI and other technologies beforehand (next to everything else you care about) (also relevant for other elections of course but the EU has a good track record on this topic).

Anyway sorry for the long talk, but as I said this is my area and so I felt the need to clarify some things. Feel free to send me more asks if you want to know something specific!

[rederiswrites]

Hi, I've only recently started following you so apologies if you've talked about this before or I'm misinterpreting, but did you say in your recent health post that you have me/cfs and have actually improved past being bedbound? I ask because my partner has had me/cfs for over a decade and despite having very good doctor luck and trying out all sorts of community tips, the best we can seem to hope for is stabilization through extreme rest/inactivity; improvement sounds fairly extraordinary. If you have even a direction to point us to for options that'd be awesome, thank you!

Wow, okay. This feels like a big responsibility, in a way! But I really want to help any way I can.

First, my official diagnosis is fibromyalgia, but in a way, this is because that's the diagnosis I asked my doctor about, and nothing more scientific than that! I do also fit all the diagnostics for Chronic Fatigue, as do many with fibromyalgia. Increasingly, people are beginning to suspect that these and other syndromes are related, if not quite the same thing. In all cases, it's sort of a diagnosis of exclusion--that is, they can't find anything wrong with you mechanically. There's very little a doctor can "fix". My hip doesn't hurt right now because of injury. It's not injured.

Yes, I've had weeks and months when I could only be out of bed/recliner for a few minutes at a time, when standing up made me dizzy or created heart arrhythmias that were hugely uncomfortable and made me have coughing spells, tingling and numbness, etc. I had massive muscle weakness, crippling fatigue, constant headaches, constant pain that moved between "continuous physical and mental drain" and "totally debilitating; can't even think". This fluctuated for me, so for example my health is almost always terrible for some portion of the winter months of January, February, and March, and then eases up a bit for late spring.

Gonna create a break because there is no way to talk about this in quick soundbites without distorting things horribly.

I've done a lot of things over the years that would help a lot at first and then only a little over the longer span--removing gluten from my diet was the first big "breakthrough", and after my diagnosis I tried a couple of drugs. Duloxetene was miraculous in its effect, but I barely slept a couple of hours a night and finally had to give up when I started being just completely unhinged from fatigue. Gabapentin was great for the first few weeks, and now helps...some. It's hard to say exactly how much, because the only times I've gone off it have been because of gaps in medication coverage, which never lasted past the "wow going cold turkey is fucking terrible" period.

This past February, my best friend, who had been urging me to try the keto diet, bought me a (rather expensive!) bottle of BHB powder, which is a synthetic form of one of the ketone bodies your body produces for energy when you starve it of glucose (this is what ketosis is. You starve your body of glucose until it starts breaking down fat for energy creation). So I said, fine, I'll try keto for a month. I can do most anything for a month! I removed all carbs from my diet and started taking the BHB powder once or twice a day.

The results were huge and instant. Keto was a huge pain in the ass, because while there are still a lot of great things you can eat--nuts, eggs, meat, berries, pretty much any veggie that isn't a root crop--most of the things most of us eat daily rely partly or entirely on starch and grain. But I kept it up because I suddenly had far, far more energy and my pain and inflammation went way down.

I don't think keto is THE solution, though. I do think that trying it for a month is something a lot of people might benefit from, but I hate is as a lifelong diet. I am currently eating low carb, but considerably more fruit and root veggies than you can eat and still be in ketosis. But I was keto for eight months. What I think happened was that the keto diet lowered my inflammation levels a ton, which was why I tried it--the research that suggested it had this effect. Combine that with the BHB, which gave my body an energy source that bypassed whatever was wrong with my glucose metabolism processes, and I got a big leg up.

As with the other things I'd tried, the huge gains eventually leveled out. But they gave me two things--breathing room, and hope. You know, I think, how hard it is to have hope. You get so you're not sure you should even try! You think, maybe hope is causing me more pain. Maybe I should be focused on grieving and acceptance. But these moments in time, however brief, when my body functioned as it should and things were OK really drove home to me that somewhere in me, there was a body that was actually perfectly capable of normal function! If I can take a stupid little pill and suddenly be fine, even for a little bit, then there's a way!!

So I used that breathing room to dig deeper into the research. And eventually I encountered people who said that had recovered from these conditions. That they'd gotten better, and now functioned as normal, healthy people--even athletes. And of course I resisted that information, for reasons I probably don't have to explain to you. The doctors all say there's no cure. Hoping for a cure is exhausting. And if there's a cure--well, that comes loaded with a lot of anger! All this time wasted, all these doctors who couldn't do shit, all the suffering...what if it was avoidable?! It's a lot to work through.

But there were a lot of these stories, once I started finding them. Raelan Agle on Youtube is a pretty good place to start, and once you're there, you'll start seeing other people in the sidebar. And these people all used different paths to wellness, many of which sound absolutely ridiculous and woo woo at first! And yet here were a lot of people from all over, many of whom weren't selling anything, saying they got better.

But there were threads that were common to many of them. Diet was common, although which specific diet didn't seem to matter so much as cutting out junk and eating nutrient rich food. Exercise mattered but was rarely the first step. Medicines and supplements were almost never big players, even though everyone tries them. But mental changes were a huge thing for many if not most people. How they conceptualize and describe these changes varies a lot, but the themes of calming our sympathetic nervous system, addressing our fears, visualizing a life for ourselves where we're healthy, and most importantly believing that we can be that person, came up a lot.

I don't know what will work for other people. For me, diet was an early key, but I think learning to relax, convincing my nervous system that I'm really okay, and doing work on that has been the most lasting gain. And once I believed I could be better, it was easier to make a lot of the structural changes that we're already told will help--get a little movement in each day. Get some sunlight. Try to have a regular sleep schedule. Eat well. Stay hydrated. Once I knew that all these things might lead not just to "slightly less awful" but maybe something actually good, I was vastly more motivated to work on them.

I don't know if your partner can recover. But I know that people do. So as much as hope is painful, I suggest you keep looking, and I hope for the very best for you.

[sonofrose]

Marcy Wu’s escapism

Before I start a quick shoutout to @pyroclastic727​ and @magicman111​ who wrote some posts I used as inspiration.

Now onto my post.

Marcy Wu.

After a notorious no-show in season 1, she quickly became a fan favorite in season 2. That being said the girl also became a mystery for the fandom because she was nothing like we thought she would be. 

As Ms. Croaker puts it we are "regarding her with extreme borderline paranoid suspicion", partly because Andrias is planning something once the gems are recharged and Marcy will be smack dab in the middle of that plan (personally, I'm still worried about that "people are just another puzzle to solve" comment).

Another post (THAT FOR THE LIFE OF ME I CAN'T FIND AGAIN!) said that, unlike Sasha, Marcy's flaws are not apparent, but we know they're there. We know Marcy has some toxic trait, but are having difficulty pinpointing it.

One of the reasons for that is... that this is the internet and its definition of a toxic person degraded thanks to the G.I.F.T. phenomenon, to the point its just the default term used to refer to someone giving an (admittedly rude at the least) opinion opposed to yours.

When people nowadays think of a toxic person they think of someone like that as either rude, degrading, discriminatory, manipulative, deceptive, etc. and while these are characteristics of a toxic person they're not the only ones, you could say they are the active toxic traits... but there also exists passive toxicity: indifference, stubbornness, negativity, inconsistency, even being too self-aware.

The other reason is... well look at her!

This is a literal ray of sunshine, how could she do something bad?

To that, I answer: are you sure she was always like this?

By the time we finally meet Marcy she's been months in Newtopia; we know their time in Amphibia has changed all the girls.

This all relates to the point of this post:

Why Marcy will accept Andrias' proposition.

(yes, this was just the introduction... sorry for the following wall of text and images).

First off let me get this out of the way: I have no idea what Andrias offered to Marcy, but I believe it will at least involve keeping her friends and staying in Amphibia.

Now, why would Marcy want to stay? Well, let us analyze the experiences of all 3 girls in amphibia (because if we talk about one of the girls we talk about all the girls).

Let's start with the one more determined to leave:

Sasha "This show's designated Knight of Cerebus" Waybright.

Let's be honest Sasha has probably had the hardest time in Amphibia, she is separated from her friends, captured by giant talking toads, and locked up and that was just day one.

Things looked up after the heron attack... and then the collapse of Toad Tower happened with Sasha, Grime, Percy, and Braddock marked as traitors and pursued.

By all intents and purposes, Sasha has lost everything, her home, her friends, her position of power, and deep down she knows it's her fault, but maybe if she can return home with her friends she can return everything to how it was.

Now let's look at Anne "Someone give this girl a leafblower for her hair" Boonchuy.

This one is quite straightforward, at least on the first days Anne had it as hard as Sasha, and while her situation improved thanks to the Plantars, she has many things she'd like to return to: her cat, her family, a life where she is not in danger every day, and of course her friends.

Lastly let's look at Marcy "I have trouble looking people in the eye sometimes" Wu.

I want you to think back to all of Marcy's appearances in Amphibia and compare them to the flashbacks of Earth. Do you notice something? or rather the lack of something?

Marcy hasn't taken out her videogame console once in any episode, only in flashbacks, and we know she has it, she offered to let the Plantars play it.

The reason is simple, she doesn't need it anymore.

Marcy is completely enamored with Amphibia, its people, its cities, its animal and plant life, and most importantly the fact that it's by all intents and porpuses a fantasy world made real.

Marcy is like Luz, they were given a chance to live out all their fantasies and make them real, but while Luz ironically got many reality checks in the Boiling Isles, Marcy has just lived one flawless adventure after the other.

She has a statue, a position of power and importance, respect, a friendship with the King of the continent, she is even losing her clumsiness.

She is the most Isekai protagonist of the 3 girls, and now that she knows her friends are here, well, quoting Mabel: "now that [they're] here this place is finally perfect".

Just like with Sasha we don't know what her home situation on Earth is like, but it's obvious she was not invested in her reality, if she returns to Earth, she goes back to a life of being the clumsy straight-A student and gamer, and also she would return to being the third wheel of a lifelong friendship.

Many Isekai protagonists never return home, because their new life is infinitely better than the old one.

I only have one last thing to say: I hope you actually took the time to enjoy these 2 weeks of slow episodes because there will be few of them from now on and next week...

We continue heading towards the Calamity.

[gladerwolfstarkimagines]

Imagine Huan Beifong standing up to Bataar jnr for you

Your POV

You’d worked for the Beifongs for 3 years now. You’d become a fighter like your idol Su as soon as you were old enough but had been Opal’s best friend for far longer than that. As a result you were viewed as less of an employee but more of an extended family member. Well at least by most of the Beifongs...Opal, Huan, Wei and Wing never treated you like their staff but the same couldn’t be said for the eldest Beifong. Bataar junior’s demeanour had never been warm to you but the second you became a soldier his attitude to you took a turn for the worse. He definitely stopped seeing you as a family friend and instead viewed you as someone with a duty to his family. You found it ironic considering he was dating Kuvira, the head of his mother’s guards, but Opal claimed her brother’s stupidity had no bounds. It didn’t bother you that Bataar clearly had a problem with you but it did make it awkward sometimes. Like when you were technically off duty but Bataar still wanted you to use your guard perks to reactivate the domes. You were relaxing in the living room with Opal and her siblings when Bataar had burst in demanding you go and give the orders for the domes to be activated without his mother’s return. Su had been away in republic city and was due back tonight but she hadn’t returned. Bataar was concerned at the city’s defence but rather than going to find a guard on duty he found you and gave you the demand. It would be easiest and quickest he claimed. You looked at the rain pouring down outside and frowned. You’d just worked a 10 hour shift and were looking forward to a games night followed by a very long sleep but Bataar wanted you to traipse across to the guards tower to activate something you probably didn’t need. “Ah come on Bataar leave it” Wing called and Wei nodded “yeah y/n doesn’t need to do that”. “Yes she does, have you forgotten she works for us?”. “Not for us”  Huan said sharply and you all jumped forgetting the second eldest Beifong was sat in the corner reading. 

Huan was never someone to shy away from an argument partly due to his short temper but when he did it was usually always in relation to him. Someone would question his art or hair and he’d snap back in the name of self-preservation. He never bothered with other people or their arguments which is why when he spoke up you all stared at him in shock.

"Y/n is a part of mother’s guard not yours" Huan said. He spoke softly but with a distinct and clear tone, it was impressive how he didn’t even have to raise his voice to be imposing. "Don't order her around like that" Huan finished glaring at his brother. All his siblings froze as did you and Bataar. Bataar immediately blushed as all his siblings looked at him and he coughed coming closer to Huan "i am the eldest and so in mother’s absence i can give orders to the staff". "No you can’t, you're not y/n’s boss so stop pretending you are just so you can feel important, y/n doesn't have to do anything you say". "When mother isn’t here her responsibilities....". "Are hers" Huan said standing up "you do not pay y/n’s salary, mother does. So you don’t get to tell her what to do, you want the domes putting? Do it yourself". Huan and Bataar shared at each other before finally Bataar admitted defeat to his younger brother. "Fine" he snapped "if she refuses then i will" and he grabbed his coat before slamming the door loudly. You all stared at Huan expecting him to comment or say something but he just went back to his seat in the corner. Wei, Wing and Opal all exchanged looks with you but Huan sat back down and picked up his book again as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

As soon as you retired to Opal’s bedroom to go to sleep she pounced. "Sooooo" Opal sang "now we can finally talk about what just happened?”. You’d been dreading this. Opal was your best friend and so could always tell when you were lying or embarrassed. "Huan?" you asked figuring there was no getting out of it and Opal nodded "it was insane right? I have never heard him stand up for someone like that!". You nodded your head "Bataar must really be pissing him off lately". "Yeah that could be part of it" Opal smirked and you sighed "Opal no!". Opal had this theory Huan had a soft spot for you and it had made you develop a crush on the metal bender over the years. He was so dignified and impressive the idea of him even paying attention to you...well lets just say it was a miracle Opal hadn’t realised. "Yes" Opal grinned "come on y/n that was a pretty open display of affection". "Or an open display of contempt for his brother?". "No he’s had plenty of opportunities to attack Bataar but he chose the one involving you, that’s important". You rolled your eyes "well i don’t think it does". "Well i think it does and so does Wei and Wing". "You spoke to them about it?". "Duh! As soon as you went to the bathroom". "But Opal your brothers are the biggest blabbermouths in all of Zafou! They’ll tell Huan and then it'll make things awkward and Huan will never speak to me again!". “Calm down I swore them to secrecy, they promised me they wouldn’t say anything”. You raised an eyebrow and Opal smirked “well they’ll try not to....either way it’s out of your control so shut up and go to sleep”. You sighed angrily but were indeed tired so you buried your head in the pillow “if they do i’ll blame you”. “Yeah yeah whatever go to sleep”. 

Huan’s POV

The following morning Huan found himself doing something he never did, leaving the sanctity of his workspace and going for a walk. Huan needed some inspiration and thought a trip around the grounds might help so he took a stroll around. Huan hated the outdoors and soon remembered why...other humans were there. 

"Sooo that thing last night" Wing appeared from nowhere smirking. Huan jumped as his twin brothers descended on either side of him and he frowned "what? A lot of things happened last night". "You and y/n of course" Wei grinned "so how long have you two been an item". Huan jumped "what? Me and y/n aren’t anything! What are you talking about?". "Well you defended her honour so valiantly we figured you were either dating or crushing on her". Huan glared "it’s neither, Bataar was being rude to her so i put him in his place, that was all". "See but that’s the thing" Wing said grabbing him to stop him leaving "you never do that, Opal and Kuvira bicker all the time and you never step in when both of them could do with a putting down from time to time". "Or mum, or dad or even us" Wei nodded "you always stay out of it because you’re the unbothered child who doesn’t care about anything but y/n...something about her made you speak up". Huan groaned rolling his eyes "you are reading way too much into this, why wouldn’t someone speak up for y/n, she’s been Opal’s best friend for so long she’s basically family". "But you never speak up for Opal or us come to think of it" Wing said getting angry. "So" Wei said taking over "you didn’t stand up for her because she’s Opal best friend but because you likeeee her" he grinned and Huan sighed. "Whatever" and he pushed his brothers off him "you’re crazy" but they both saw the red of his cheeks.

Your POV

"Y/n!" you heard someone scream and jumped to see Wei and Wing running up to you at the guard post where you stood. "Opal told us you’d be here" they said out of breath "we have to tell you something!". "Okay go on". "No in private" they said eyeing your co-guard with suspicion. You frowned "erm can you please scan the perimeter?". Your fellow guard nodded and Wei and Wing grabbed you "y/n you’ll never guess what....Huan likes you!". You blushed immediately "what...no he doesn’t, what are you talking about!". "We spoke to him about you and he blushed just as adorably as you" Wei teased and you glared raising a fist. "He did" Wing said intervening "albeit less tomato like but he blushed none the less". You paused "really? Well i mean he could just be embarrassed...". "Nope and we have proof" Wei smirked and you crossed your arms "ow yeah? What?". "He’s over there watching us right now" and you turned to see a figure looking out from a window.

Huan’s POV

Huan jumped from the window like he’d been scalded. His cursed brothers! Why were they determined to ruin his life. They planted the seed in his head then created a trap for him. He’d been watching you because he’d heard people yelling your name and grew worried when he realised it was his brothers. True he did carry on watching, curious at your reaction to what he knew his brothers were telling you. He was amused when your first instinct was to hit his brothers and he realised you had that in common. Huan did find you...amicable as humans went. Well more than amicable, you were one of the few people he didn’t mind being in a room with. You weren’t loud or obnoxious, you were dedicated and hard working but he’d also heard you with Opal and knew you were excitable and kind. You hadn’t even minded when Opal’s sky bison had licked you which Huan figured made you a very tolerable person. Huan had a slight smile on his face when his brothers said something and you all turned to look at him. Huan darted away from the window and flattened himself against the wall. His heart was racing and he could tell his face was bright red. Huan figured this was Wei and Wing’s (no doubt Opal was also involved) meddling way to get the two of you to interact and Huan hated how well it had worked. 

He expected you’d get curious now Wei and Wing had exposed him and he waited for you to appear for the awkward conversation but you never approached him. When by the end of the week you still hadn’t mentioned it Huan was confused. He figured you’d have believed his brothers and come to see for yourself the truth. Instead you carried on as normal and your behaviour towards him didn’t change in the slightest. Even tonight during your weekly sleepover with Opal, Huan bumped into you in the kitchen and still you said nothing. The two of you were alone, it would've been easy for you to comment on it but you didn’t. You’d just explained you were getting a snack for opal and yourself, apologised for disturbing him and left. Huan was utterly confused and also disappointed. Weren't you curious about what his brothers had said? He knew if the roles were reversed...he’d definitely be curious and even a little hopeful? 

Huan hated not knowing things so he decided to find out what was going on. You were over at their house again and were with Opal in her room. Huan waited for you to go to the bathroom before he began his interrogation of Opal. He opened her door sharply and stepped inside. "Okay we don’t have a lot of time but quickly, has y/n said anything about what Wei and Wing did earlier this week?". Opal jumped but responded quickly "no and that surprised me, she was worried Wei and Wing would harass you but when I asked her about what they said to her on guard duty she said it was fine". "Fine?" Huan asked "but they....they schemed to make me look suspicious, y/n didn’t comment on that?". Opal shook her head "no, she must’ve not bought it". "Ow" Huan frowned and Opal smiled "ow?". "I just thought....after all that trouble i’d have to talk to her about it but i guess y/n’s smart enough to not read into it". Opal’s smile grew "you could still talk to her about it, i’m sure she’d want to talk to you". Huan froze "she would, why?". "Well communication is always nice plus and she’d kill me for telling you this but she likes you". Huan frowned "she does? Why? How do you know?". "Why? I honestly don’t know" Opal smirked "but how do I know? Well i’m her best friend and for about 2 years now anytime i bring you up she pauses and goes all weird...kind of like you right now...she thinks she has me fooled but I can see right through her and she has a thing for you". "Wow...i guess you’d know being her best friend but are you 100% sure?". Opal nodded "i’m certain". Huan paused wondering how to proceed when suddenly the door opened. "Sorry i was a while, Wei was in there before me and it wasn’t pretty" before you spotted Huan and jumped "ow! Huan! Hi" you smiled politely and Huan replied just as polite and formally making Opal grin. "Huan was here for you actually, he just wanted a word about Wing and Wei so i’ll go get us some drinks and be back in like 10 minutes, okay?". But Opal didn’t give you time to reply before she was gone leaving the two of you alone.

Your POV

You and Huan stood across from each other awkwardly and you smiled “so what did you want to tell me about Wing and Wei?” "Well I just wanted to...to ask you...you’ve probably noticed they’ve been pretty excitable lately". You smiled "that’s one way to put it, downright nuisances is another". Huan smiled and nodded "i agree totally i just wanted to make sure they’re not...annoying you too much? I saw them disturb you at work earlier in the week". You laughed "they’re annoying but harmless really, rather like large puppies i just let whatever they say go in one ear and out the other, don’t worry they don’t bother me". Huan nodded unsure what else to say when you spoke again "do they bother you? I've heard they've been stalking you". Huan sighed "yes they've been my shadow for a while, nothing i can say will make them go away". You frowned in thought "i don’t know what to suggest". "I’m not asking you for a solution" Huan rushed to assure you "i was just making sure you’re okay...with them". "That’s kind of you thank you" you replied and saw Huan look down sharply. You watched him and carried on "i should probably say thank you for the other night too, for standing up to Bataar for me". Huan nodded his head but could barely met your eyes "it was nothing". "No it was really nice and kind! Coming from you as well it meant a lot". "Coming from me?" Huan asked unsure if that was a compliment and you hurried to explain "i just meant because you never really get involved in things so for you to be the one to speak up...." now you were the one struggling to meet his eyes "it meant a lot". Huan paused utterly confused how to proceed. He liked that you seemed to really like his standing up for you but had no idea how to lead that into something more. "Well i...you're a good person and my sisters best friend i...of course i’d help you". You smiled "well it was very kind thank you Huan" and rested a hand on his shoulder. Huan glanced at your hand and you removed it rapidly "sorry i forgot you don’t like touching!". "No it’s alright" Huan went to explain when there was a knock and Opal appeared "hey do you need me to come back in a bit?" she asked but Huan straightened and stepped away from you "no everything is sorted thank you. So i’ll be leaving good night" he nodded to both of you and left. You nodded to him managing not to blush and relaxed as the door closed. "Soooooo" Opal started and you sighed "don’t".

You had no idea what to make out of Huan actually seeking you out for a conversation and wondered if Opal had been right this whole time. You wished Huan would just tell you or ask you out but knew there was no way he’d do something so open or reckless. You could ask him out but you worried that you’d misinterpreted his actions and would make it awkward. Not to mention you literally worked for his family. So you decided to leave it and try not to think about it but another Beifong wasn’t thinking that way.

Huan’s POV

Even since that night Huan challenged him Bataar had been short tempered and extra rude to everyone but to Huan especially. Huan didn’t really care, he never listened to Bataar anyway but he did notice how Bataar would go out of his way to annoy his siblings in front of Huan and it was getting on his nerves. The worst times were when you were there too. Bataar seemed determined to remind everyone he was the eldest, the one with the most trust and responsibility, and did that by snapping or undermining you. It was usually just petty childish quips so Huan left it, until one night Bataar went too far. 

It was a Friday and so you were off duty and with the Beifongs like all Friday nights. Everyone was getting ready for something Varick invented called a mover that Wei and Wing managed to steal from his room. You were five minutes into said mover when the door opened flooding the room with light and ruining the projection. Everyone called out protests but Bataar just hushed them “y/n Kuvira needs you to help her with some paperwork”. “She’s off duty” Huan said automatically and you looked at him before looking back at Bataar. “I know that but this is urgent avatar business, now do you want to be a soldier or do you want to act like a child your whole life?” Bataar asked. You sighed looking at the stack of papers but stood up “you guys carry on i’ll be back as soon as I can”. Wei paused the film and Opal switched on the light “it’s okay we can wait” Wing told you and you smiled gratefully. “I'll be as quick as I can” you told them and settled at the table as Bataar threw the paperwork down pointedly. “Kuvira wants you to find a missing report from last week, it’s somewhere in all here”. “How is that crucial?” Huan asked and Bataar rolled his eyes “because that is when the red lotus broke in to Zafou and they either had help or someone dropped the ball, the report will tell us that”. “How about we all help?” Wei called and Wing nodded “yeah then we’ll find it quicker”. “Nope none of you are cleared for this only y/n” Bataar said smugly and you sighed but turned to the stacks of paper. 

An hour later you were three quarters of the way through the stack and still no report was in sight. “If it’s not in there then Kuvira has more paperwork you can look through” Bataar told you “but this was the small pile” and you could’ve sworn he smiled as he said that. “You have to be kidding?” Huan cried and Bataar turned around “why would I be kidding? Unlike all you children I actually care about Zafou. You tried to shoot Huan an *this is okay* look but weren’t sure if it correlated. “We all care about Zafou Bataar but if she hasn’t found it by now do you really think she will? The person who allowed the red lotus to break in probably disposed of it immediately or maybe it was just lost" Huan shrugged and Bataar glared. "I’m sorry brother but did i ask for your opinion?". "No hence why you’re acting so stupidly, you tend to do that unsupervised" Huan rolled his eyes. Wei laughed and Bataar glared. "Kuvira is on duty tonight and this is what she wants y/n to do urgently". "But y/n isn’t on duty so she doesn’t have to do it!" Huan said and you saw him getting angry. "Huan it’s okay" you said softly but he shook his head coming to stand next to you "no Bataar’s taking his anger with me out on you and that’s not fair". "I wonder why?" Bataar commented and Huan raised an eyebrow "what was that?". "Well you call me stupid but it’s a good tactic, messing with y/n certainly gets you riled". Wei, Wing and Opal all stared eyes wide as you and Huan turned red. Suddenly the close proximity to you didn’t seem like such a great idea anymore. Bataar laughed "pft you act like you’re so moral when you're only doing it because you clearly like her". "I...that is irrelevant" Huan muttered "you're being cruel that’s that". "No i’m not and if you were objective about her you’d realise that". "I’d do it even if i didn’t like her" Huan said flustered and Bataar grinned "even if you didn’t like her? Is that a confession?". Silence settled and Huan tensed. Bataar’s grin grew "you said you’d do it even if you didn’t like her so that means...". "Shut up Bataar" Huan glared and Bataar laughed "i mean i get it i’d be annoyed too, it must be embarrassing knowing she doesn’t like you back...rather humiliating I suppose". Bataar went to speak again but you cut him off "who says i don’t like him back?". Bataar froze "what?". You were usually so quiet he didn’t think even if you did like Huan you’d admit it in a room full of people but Bataar had underestimated you. "You said it’s embarrassing because i don’t return Huan’s feelings but you're wrong i do like him, a lot...you're the only embarrassing person here”. Wing and Wei laughed and Bataar paled "I...you're both welcome to each other” and he stormed away. "Y/n that was great!" Opal called and Wei, Wing and Opal all flocked around you before you caught sight of Huan. He was staring at you but looked away when you looked at him. "We should...." Wei started and Wing and Opal nodded "yeah we'll be going...".

The door shut loudly and you and Huan looked at one another. "So..." you started as Huan also went to speak. You both apologised and told the other to go first. When that happened a second time you sighed "okay i’ll go first! So what you said to Bataar did you....did you mean that?". Huan nodded "did you? Or were you just saying it to shut him up?". "No i meant it" you smiled and Huan blushed "ow that’s...unexpected". "I don’t think it is considering Opal told you I liked you". Huan jumped "how do you know?". "Ow come on, as soon as i walked into the room to find you both whispering together i knew she'd sold me out". "Why didn’t you say anything if you knew?" Huan asked and you shrugged "i could ask you the same thing". Huan smiled softly "that’s fair I....I guess I was worried...Opal said she was sure but i...i didn’t want to ruin anything if you didn’t like me". You smiled as Huan’s reasons mirrored your own and you stepped forward "well i do like you so there's no worry there". Huan nodded his head, his eyes darted around the room nervously before they settled on you “well in that case...would you like to date me?” Huan cringed as he said it “god I sound pathetic”. You laughed “trust me you don’t, i’d very much like to date you”. Huan grinned brightly in response and you laughed at the reaction “that’s...” Huan reached for you when suddenly the door was pushed open. “Look we know we should give you more time but it’s getting late and we really want to see the mover” Wei pouted and you laughed as Huan blushed “fine come in” he called rolling his eyes but he smiled when you looked at him. Opal, Wei and Wing took the sofa nearest the door leaving the other one for you and Huan. You sat down together and Huan laced his hand through yours. You ignored the stifled laughter coming from the other sofa and sighed in relief when the lights switched off and the movie began. 

The sofa you and Huan were on was smaller and so you were forced to sit pretty close together but you didn’t mind. You were surprised though when Huan shifted his arm around you. Huan never initiated contact with anyone and so this was a pretty huge deal for him. “You looked cold” he said when you glanced at him but you saw by the blush on his cheek that was just an excuse. You smiled and leant into him “that was a poor excuse Beifong”. Huan chuckled softly and you smiled up at him. “Hey keep it PG over there guys, some of us over here are still innocent little angels” Wei called and Huan rolled his eyes throwing a cushion at his face. “I’m really sorry about them” Huan whispered to you when their laughter died down and you smirked “it’s fine, just ignore them and focus on me”. Huan nodded his head “well that won’t be hard...” and you blushed at Huan’s tone. You and Huan stayed wrapped together for the duration of the mover and when it finished Huan led you to Opal’s room. “So I was thinking we could go on a date tomorrow if it’s not too soon?” Huan asked and you grinned “Not at all! What did you have in mind?”. “Well I know you always wake up early due to working shifts and they’ve just started planting in the gardens with summer on the way, so I thought we could walk around the grounds before anyone is awake and watch the sunrise?....or something”. You grinned “you can tell you’re an artist”. “Why is it a stupid idea?”. “No it’s lovely,” you said quickly “you’ve just planned a very beautiful date, it sounds lovely”. Huan blushed looking down before glancing up at you “glad you like it, so I’ll meet you here tomorrow morning?”. “It’s a date” you agreed and smiled as Huan blushed. “See you tomorrow then” you smiled and kissed Huan softly on the cheek. Huan froze as you touched him and turned an even deeper shade of red. “Kiss you...I mean see you tomorrow” Huan babbled before walking away and you smiled at how dazed he seemed from something as simple as a kiss. He bumped into Opal as he passed her and Opal frowned as she came to stand infront of you “do I even want to know what you did to give my brother that goofy look?”. “Probably not” you agreed and Opal sighed “this is going to be odd but a good odd, you and Huan are perfect for each other”. “I hope so” you sighed following Opal into her room “I really like him”. “Well as tonight proved he really likes you too....our sleepover days are numbered” Opal cried dramatically “soon you’ll be having sleepovers with Huan” and you threw a pillow at her. “Stop that”. “What it’s true!” Opal grinned “the only upside is we’ll be sisters officially soon”. “Me and Huan literally haven’t been on a date yet!” you cried and Opal shook her head laughing. “It’s sweet you think that y/n but you’ve basically been pre-dating for years, you and Huan care a lot more about each than first date level”. You blushed at the truth of Opal’s words and looked down “can we just go to sleep?”. Opal took pity on you and nodded. You both got ready for bed and finally you closed your eyes ready to go to sleep. “Don’t hit me but I just wanted to say, joking aside I’m really happy for you and Huan, I love you both and can’t think of anyone better for either of you”. You blushed and squeeed Opal’s hand “thanks Opal that’s really sweet”. Opal grinned at you before smiling “okay now I promise I’ll shut up” and with a fond smile you turned away and closed your eyes again ready to try and sleep. With your date with Huan on the horizon, Opal’s sweet words and the day's events in your mind, you fell asleep with a large smile on your face. 

___

I can not shake these Huan feels!!! I think it’s the long hair but either way Huan Beifong is the shit!

[csykora]

hi! so i know you're big on russian hockey history, etc. can you talk about, in your amazing and incredible engaging narrative nonfiction with photos style, about fetisov and kasatonov on the devils and the whole thing of "they were really good but they hated each other's guts"? i'm a devils fan and i think i might know some pieces of the story, but i feel like if anyone would know more, it's you.

(yes, this was spurred by a post you made, and a quick google search of "nj devils russian players who hated each other" lmao)

thanks!

[Defensemen Vyacheslav Fetisov (2) and Alexei Kasatonov (7) being awkward on the bench. From Devils game footage, 1990. And posing in their Soviet League uniforms in the mid '80s.]

Thank you! I think this is a great question, because the famous version of the story is exactly what you said: They were good together but hated each other.

In that story it has something to do with a manly, unshaven Fetisov fist-fighting commies to get to America and Kasatonov being a commie. But not like a really bad one, because he also came to America and was a really nice guy (also surprisingly has the better facial hair.)

But it’s always smart to ask where a story like that comes from, who tells it, and how.

Thing is, I can’t give you any evidence—any words they’ve said or things they’ve done—that has hate in it. Conflict, trauma, survivor’s guilt and survivor’s anger, sure. But those aren’t hateful.

I think the story that got famous is a little bit...easy. A story where two people both hurt each other and hate each other for it might not be fun, but it isn’t hard. Because in a story like that, even if some harm was done, it was done by someone who was a peer—someone famous for being an equal half of a perfect match—not someone in power. It doesn't challenge anything.

If it was a personal issue, then as long as the two of them just repressed it and kept working, then everybody could enjoy the hockey they gave us, and nothing big or deep or important in our sport had to change.

In the immortal words of Vyacheslav Fetisov:

“You never asked me when I came in 1989 about what is happening. It wasn’t interesting. I went through a tough time, but you didn’t give a shit, and now you want to talk about it 25 years later, but it’s OK.”

Let's talk about this story and challenge some shit.

The two of them say they love each other. They loved each other, and they were abused, and one of them also loved their abuser. Those are three really hard things to do.

This story is about coaching abuse, and what that even is.

I don’t want to say this is the originary trauma of our sport. It’s not. I’m going to mention a number of difficult things that were happening in hockey at the time: I don’t mean to compare, rank, or minimize those in relation to this one, I’d just feel wrong if I didn’t acknowledge them (at the same time, this isn’t comprehensive).

I think it’s just an exemplary story, one that tested how famous a case abuse and violence could get without being questioned: how normalized those things are, and how many coaches and executives learned in the ‘80s what they could get away with. And, too, how there have always been people willing to work together, and to resist systems of violence.

There’s emotional and physical abuse throughout this story. I won’t give graphic descriptions, I will give content notes at the tops of certain sections.

1. A Teaser

It’s just between Christmas and New Year’s, 1977. From the photos I can tell you snow was falling in fat fluffy drifts, the way it does when Montréal decides to get romantic. Two boys who weren’t from there bumped into each other for the first time.

It was the window between their birthdays: one had just turned eighteen, and the other wouldn’t be twenty for a few more weeks, so they could both be there for the second-ever World Junior Championships.

That was the closest they had to common ground. One of the boys had four gold junior medals already, and a bronze from last year’s World Championships with the big boys. The other had never lived alone or really left his country before. The two of them were raised across an old rivalry that was getting worse.

[Dec. 28, 1977. by Doug Ball]

I’m sorry, that’s a picture of Vyacheslav Fetisov meeting Wayne Gretzky. Wayne Gretzky will just, like, also be around for all this

I’m giving you all this one [via Sports Illustrated]

The other boy in that first photo is Vyacheslav Aleksandrovich Fetisov, age 19, from the city of Moscow. 6’1”, left-side D, left-hand shot. Just touch a “yuh” sound for a moment and glide into an “ah” when you say the first syllable, not “Vee-ah”; for his last name, land on the second syllable.

Fetisov’s name has been a Cold War shibboleth: for fifteen years, when he played in North America, those were the only time you saw him. You couldn’t watch tape. Officials for Team Canada and Team USA passed around reels like porn. Soviet officials didn’t like anyone to know who their players were or which ones they’d be bringing to any given event, partly because the crest on the front was meant to matter more than the name on the back and partly because of all the kidnapping attempts (we’ll get there). Anglo announcers got the roster the morning of, and guessed.

You had to have precious access to the Soviet players to know. (You had to be, well, Wayne Gretzky). Then Fetisov came to America. He became a “fearless individualist” who “fought the system”, and everybody liked that.

If you’ve seen Miracle, you’ve heard Al Michaels’ second crack at his legendary calls. You’ll hear him say feh-TEA-sov several times, over the moments when he said something more like FED-ih-soff. Twenty years later, the producers thought that American hockey fans would think it was the movie’s mistake if they used the real audio. Americans had adopted Fetisov into our hearts, and learned to say his name—learned to tolerate his Russian-ness—and in going that forgot and then wrote over what hockey’s Cold War had really been like for him. Of course, maybe the producers were wrong at the time—but now the movie’s been around for almost twenty years itself.

He always calls himself Slava.

[starrybouquet]

On Seasons 9 and 10 of Stargate SG1

A note: I wrote a series of essays several weeks ago, when I was feeling particularly crappy. I'm not particularly proud of them--they're pretty dramatic--but they do explain several of my more personal fandom feelings. I know I don't always tend to be the best at explaining things on the spot, so I'm posting these with the hope that I can refer people to them the next time that happens.

Um, I mentioned they're a little dramatic. I'm really, really sorry about that. But hey, if I can't be dramatic on Tumblr, in fandom, where else is that gonna go?

But still - if you're feeling a little sensitive today, maybe you wanna skip this. Or not. Just a light warning. :)

This piece is on seasons 9 and 10 of Stargate SG1, but they aren't all Stargate-related. I'll be posting them in the next few days, hopefully.

To those of you who like s9-10: I have nothing against you. Some of you I know better, some less well. In general, though, I like you, you seem like fine people. This is not about you, I hold nothing against you for liking those seasons. In fact, I envy you. This is more a personal post about why I'm an idiot. If you want, feel free to scroll down past this. I won't be offended. I'd put it under the cut but I'm on mobile.

Okay. Why, hello, those of you willing to read this rant...

No matter how much I denounce and ignore it, I cannot get past the pain of seasons 9 and 10 of Stargate SG-1. I've never watched them in full. Seen a few episodes here and there.

I cannot, repeat, CANNOT stand the thought today. It hurts.

It's an old pain, and it's not just SG1. SG1 is just one of the highlights in a long line of books and shows that have repeatedly broken my heart by being SO GOOD and then taking an, uh, precipitous right turn, shall we say. Because a hard right seems too kind, and a precipitous drop too harsh.

I love SG1. I love love love it. I like the plots and I love the science, but what I really fell in love with was the characters.

I loved all of them. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: if Sam, Daniel, or Teal'c had been on any other show, I guarantee you they would have been my favorite by far. Jack is just so...Jack that he has to be my favorite. That's SG1 for you.

I've never had super close friends. I have good RL friends, don't get me wrong. They're nice people. But we don't have much in common.

That's okay. That's been my experience forever--really nice folks who maybe didn't always get me or have anything to say to me, but were good, decent people.

And this is good. Really, it is. It's just that SG-1, for me, has always represented the promise that there *are* people out there that are your true friends, and you will do brave and brilliant things with them. It will happen.

It's naive, I know. But I haven't been able to let it go. Maybe someday. But not right now.

Which brings me to s9-10 of SG1. It hurts.

It hurts that SG1 scattered to the wind.

It hurts that they sent Jack away from a place where he was happy, where he'd found friends and meaning in life again, away to fucking DC. To be...what? A politician? I could write a whole post just about this. Actually, I have. I could still write more posts about it!

It hurts that Sam went to Area 51, and nobody seemed to mind, the 'Gate didn't spontaneously combust as we were always led to believe it would.

It hurts that Daniel's personality supposedly changed that much, in the absence of his friends. Though some of his lines are funny, they aren't the earnest, idealistic, thoughtful Daniel I fell in love with. I get the idea that new-look Daniel would roll his eyes at s3-8 Daniel, and beat up floppy hair Daniel. And floppy hair Daniel is my baby and anyone who doesn't appreciate his brilliance can face my wrath. That includes you, buff s9-10 Daniel, and also whoever decided/approved that change in characterization.

Really, the only one who doesn't hurt is Teal'c. Because it feels like he's moving forward, toward happiness.

So...here we are. Season 9. Mitchell, Landry.

I often say I hate Mitchell. Do I resent him for replacing Jack? Yes. I do. We can talk about plot reasons and all that, but at the end of the day, I was going to hate anyone who tried to be Jack.

This is true in real life, too. You can't try to be anyone else. You've gotta walk your own path.

Now, people say that I didn't give Mitchell a chance. I say that the way he was portrayed, in the few episodes I've seen, tells me enough.

I can think of lots of ways Mitchell could have been interesting. How would Daniel and Teal'c react to an old, actually bad tempered (not Jack bad tempered, actually bad tempered) hardass after eight years of their best friends leading them? Or--start with his actual character. Mitchell, he hasn't been at the SGC. Wouldn't he get some flack from the longtime team leaders of SGs 2-5ish? They'd be insulted, right?

Or we could've gotten a nice Daniel Teal'c episode arc and then we could've had one Samantha Carter as team leader, though we won't get into that.

Bringing me to my next point. Co-leads?? Seriously?? You're trying too hard, folks. Telling me Sam used to know Mitchell does not actually make me like him.

Same thing with Landry. Unlike Mitchell, I guess I don't really have an opinion on Landry. He's just....there? No character development for this man.

Anyway, back to the team.

One of the things I love about SG1 is how the humor and friendship was so damn natural. Other than a few episodes (Urgo comes to mind), the plots weren't intentionally humorous. They were campy sci-fi plots sometimes, sure. They were funny because Jack was funny, yeah. They were lower budget than some other sci-fi. But they were as serious as sci-fi gets. It was how the characters reacted that made it funny.

Similarly, we were never told SG1 were found family. We just Knew. Because of the way they acted with each other. Because of the way Jack would "order" them to do things.

And hey, by the way, they weren't always family. Sam used to be less willing to ignore Jack. Daniel used to be less willing to trust Teal'c. Jack used to be a little more stern.

So...they meshed together. Like all found families do.

Every time I see a photo of new-look SG1 in seasons 9 and 10, I can't help but feel that they're trying too hard. I don't get the family feel because they aren't a family, damn it. It doesn't matter how many times you *tell* me they're super close. One of the reasons the original team got so close is because they all needed each other. Jack was depressed, Daniel was grieving, Sam was alone and had lost her mom and wasn't speaking with her dad and had never opened up to anyone in her life, Teal'c was an alien fighting for freedom after spending 100 years essentially as a slave.

And partly because of that, by season 9? Daniel and Teal'c (and Sam, when she comes back) don't need a family the way they used to. They have each other. They have Jack, or at least they *should*. *Glares in angry at Jack in DC vibes*

So...they simply don't have the relationship with Mitchell they do with each other.

It'd be different if Mitchell needed a family. It's not that SG1 hasn't added people before--I think Jonas is a perfect example of this. He wasn't Daniel, and that always hurt. But he was young, and naive, and innocent, and he needed SG1 because he'd left everything he'd ever known.

And that worked.

Without needing family, Mitchell is just a coworker. He can be a friendly coworker. A friend. But if he wanted to become better friends, family, he needed to show depth and vulnerability. He needed to need SG1.

And he never does, from what I've seen and heard about and read about. Or if he does need SG1, he doesn't need them badly enough to show more than an occasional bout of thoughtfulness before returning to his normal pale-Jack-imitation ways.

Now, I don't know why that is. I lean toward bad writing. I haven't watched Farscape (it's on my to watch list) but it seems like Ben Browder is a fine actor.

So, seasons 9 and 10 are probably fine TV. I'm never going to watch them through, so don't ask. I've tried and failed and every time it just tears my heart a little more and I'm won't be doing it again.

Those seasons...they just lost everything I watch SG-1 for, and so...yeah. I feel the hate strongly. Not because they're bad--I think they're different, not necessarily bad. My hate is only because in creating those seasons, they tore down the parts of SG1 that I loved most.

So s9-10 show me a few nice hugs and laughs? That's nice. I like comedies, I do. However...that's not my Stargate. Not the one I love. I liked the sarcastic one, the one full of wonder, the one where they had to scrape and claw their way through the galaxy with naivety and courage and brilliance. The one where they ate together, fought together, died together, were resurrected together.

It hurts, man. It hurts when the things I love turn into something that's lukewarm. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

That's why we have fanfic. And, with any luck, I'll actually start that AU I've been talking about.

It's fanfic, and so it'll be my Stargate. The ending I wanted--which really wasn't an ending at all, more of a closure of one chapter of the story.

Damn, did that turn dramatic. Um, sorry about that, and also sorry for spilling my feelings all over you guys. Thanks for reading, if you got to the end of this.

[ducklooney]

For some reason I'm posting these drawings again on the occasion of last Donsy week (a week dedicated between the love affair between Donald and Daisy Duck), because the tags I hung on the previous drawing don't do anything on Tumblr, so I'm posting this again. Certainly all four of these drawings (five actually) bring together all seven themes related to Donsy week.

The first drawing (actually the second in line) represents Donald and Daisy in pirate clothes on a houseboat that has been turned into a pirate ship and I used that from some drawings where they are in pirate clothes. A many days ago it was a happy talk day with a pirate so I drew them. 

The second drawing (actually the third in line) presents Donald and Daisy as Nordic gods, in this case as Thor and Sif, taking inspiration from Norse mythology (no, it’s not Marvel not to confuse that, although those characters are taken from Norse mythology as well), based on the theme. “ Storms ”. Thor is a hammer-wielding god associated with lightning, thunder, storms, sacred groves and trees, strength, the protection of mankind and also hallowing and fertility and is also Odin’s son and brother of the evil Loki. The Nordic goddess Sif as Thor’s wife is also a golden-haired goddess associated with the earth, and she is also the protector of the harvest, so I drew her (actually Daisy as that goddess) with a sword and a grain of grain.

The third drawing (actually the fourth in line) of Donald and Daisy represents a man and a woman in clothes from the 1920s and 1930s, on the theme of “Fashion”. Although I didn’t draw them unfortunately in duck form, but the way the clothes they wear in that drawing I drew as if they had a human body, probably the clothes would fit on them (drawn as a redraw blend of old 20s and 30s fashion photos). Sorry about that.

The fourth drawing (the first and fifth published in a row) represents the unification of all four topics into one. Not to lengthen, I linked four themes into one, where Donald and Daisy live with their children, I mean their nieces and nephews (Huey, Dewey, Louie, April, May and June) in their house and are waiting for Daisy to have a baby. DAISY IS PREGNANT! Yes, they got married before that. Donald also bakes pancakes with the kids and helps Daisy in the pregnant months. Yes, Donald and Daisy are in DT17 clothes and hairstyles, with the proviso that I put them in the classic version, and the nieces and nephews are here in the picture between preteens and teenage (yes partly in Quack Pack style, because I love it, plus all of Donald’s nephews wear caps) and they are certainly looking forward to getting another new one in the house. Maybe two (I guess one new brother and sister). Unfortunately, I was in a hurry with this drawing and I made a mistake when drawing my hands and the background turned out to be bad, so I apologize for that. 

For the end, I thank everyone for this Donsy week this year and I hope that next year I will be more free about various topics than it was this year. Also praise to all the other participants who drew great or posted some pictures or texts related to Donsy Week.

Thank you all! And maybe see you next year!

[pochiperpe90]

Points of view – The Interview: Luca Marinelli

How do you approach your characters. 

Sometimes I also wonder how I get to the character. For “Non essere cattivo”, I had a very detailed script and a fascinating director at my disposal, so I didn't struggle to relate. It was a very brave script for the way it dealt with reality. At first my auditions went in the direction of Vittorio's character but also knowing the figure of Cesare, more than once I thought I would like to play him. I saw the auditions of others and I stopped to think how I could have done Cesare. Then at a certain point I remember that Claudio looked at Valerio and told him that it would be better to reverse the roles, to let me try Cesare, and so it went. When I read the script of “Lo chiamavano Jeeg Robot”, the first thing that struck me, besides the courageous imagination, was to understand how a film of this kind could be made. 

In the first part of your career, you brought an image of introverted and staid youth to the screen. Was this a choice. 

Absolutely not. Or rather yes, it was the choice of those who met me first. Perhaps a part of my personality has been seen that could best marry the characters in question. It happened both in “La solitudine dei numeri primi” by Saverio Costanzo and later with Virzì in "Tutti i santi giorni", then it can be said that with Casare of “Non essere cattivo” and the Zingaro of “Lo chiamavano Jeeg Robot” I was allowed to turn things around slightly, to play a character who had a disposition and behavior that was completely the opposite of what I had faced previously. 

What do you remember about your debut with Saverio Costanzo. 

He was my initiation into cinema, I came from the Academy and I had no idea what it was like to work on a set. The best memory, in addition to the experience of the film with him and Alba, is the first meeting, the first audition, where I really understood that I strongly wanted to work with him and that if this had happened I would have ended up in the hands of a great author. 

With that film you found yourself in the main competition of the Venice Film Festival. What memories do you have of that first time at the lido. 

Of a huge confusion and a big headache. We were tossed around from one interview to another and not only that, because the worst thing was always answering the same questions, and I was terribly worried not to make the situation even more boring for the machine operator, who never changed, and I don't think could take it longer to hear the same phrases over and over. Fortunately, Alba was there as well and saved me in more than one interview. The experience helped me because the following times I knew slightly more what I was going through and how to manage situations and keep stress at bay. Or maybe not yet, it's a long way. 

I noticed that when you talk about your job you do it using the verb “to play” (giocare). Is it a coincidence or the choice has a precise meaning. 

Perhaps it’s not a coincidence that in English the term recite is said precisely in this way because in my opinion to play, or the French jouez, represents the feeling of freedom and fun that is inherent in the job I do, better. As far as I'm concerned, the moment of the take is when the actor has to stop thinking, abandon worries, to be able to bring out the energy of his character. He has to play with the same seriousness and commitment with which a child does. I remember a piece of advice from Carlo Cecchi on the fact that in acting counts listening and the here and now. Being actively present to oneself and to others at that exact moment.

You have a method for achieving this condition. 

If someone asked me something about technique, I wouldn't know what to answer, apart from listening. On the set of Andrea Molaioli's film in which I am the father of the young protagonist, the actor who plays him, Ludovico, who is really good, full of talent and very smart, once asked me what was the technique to make the best of the character, and the only thing I felt able to advise him was to try to be present in that moment and then to let go, listen and not think about the rest. 

But I imagine that there are also practical aspects in the preparation that precedes the start of filming. 

As for me, I try to prepare as much as I can before arriving on set because at the start of the shoot it would be good to be ready. But not everything happens automatically, in the sense that you can’t always find the character immediately. However, I have always been lucky enough to have more or less long periods of rehearsal before starting a film. I remember this moment with Saverio and Alba, where we spent weeks among us and also with the kids who would have played us as children, to try the various scenes and to create a union and harmony between the characters. The same happened with Paolo Virzì, Thony and I, more than once we gather, facing the script, to clarify all the passages and moments of the scenes. 

And how did things go with Claudio Caligari. 

The same thing also happened with Claudio even though the illness made everything more complicated for him. He asked us to change our bodies, to participate in the auditions of the other actors. This allowed all of us, the cast, to integrate and develop a unity of purpose and a truly rare familiarity. So in front of the camera it seemed to me that the gang, to which Cesare and Vittorio belonged, was really part of my life, that it wasn’t hard to pass from Luca to Cesare, because I had found him. And always to identify with the environment of the story, I preferred a house in Ostia, and Alessandro often came to me from Rome to spend time between the two of us. Claudio, in addition to having reading meetings together, also showed us films that were a source of inspiration for him for this film, such as “Accattone” by Pier Paolo Pasolini, “Rocco e i suoi fratelli” by Luchino Visconti and “Mean Sreet” by Martin Scorsese.

Instead, I wanted to ask you what happens between takes, for example when you come home after a day of work. You stay inside the character as it happens to Daniel Day Lewis, or you put it aside and think of something else like Marcello Mastroianni did. 

I try to disconnect from the set. I try. I go home and try to do something else, but the last thought before falling asleep always goes to the next day's work plan and I leave myself a few minutes for the memory and concentration useful for tomorrow and then I close my eyes.  

We asked Roberta Mattei and we ask you too. During the processing you were aware of the exceptional nature of what you were doing. 

Yes. Let me explain: I saw with my own eyes that what was happening was exceptional, a man who was dying wanted to give his latest work to the public, to his audience, to his people, to people. This has no equal for me. Don't think about yourself in such a situation but about others.

Then it was the turn of Lo chiamavano Jeeg Robot. 

I shot Jeeg Robot in March 2014, and therefore before “Non essere cattivo”. The fact that Mainetti's film is only coming out now is due to the long post-production period necessary to assemble the shot with the special effects present in the film. 

Here as well it was an interpretation and a character who completely overturns the transparent and pristine image of the first part of your career. 

To make Jeeg Robot we had to convince each other, Gabriele Mainetti and I, about my success in the character. I pushed him towards a theatricality and Gabriele towards a real madness, a pure pain. In the end, I think we have found the right amount. 

The construction of the Zingaro was already very clear in the writing and it was up to us, however, to find its true aspect. 

Guiding him is this crazy and boundless ego, and the obsession with having to leave a mark. The Zingaro's eccentricity is partly reflected in his look, halfway between a rock star and a suburban bully. For the costumes and make-up we were inspired by the great rock icons. We dared in some choices, such as the black coat with pink leopard lining that characterize the wardrobe. For the aspects related to the way of performing, his model was Anna Oxa and in particular the video of her at Sanremo, when she sings “Un’emozione da poco”. 

In part you have already answered, but I wanted to know how you choose to accept the proposals that are made to you and if you have any foreclosures towards television, or more generally towards commercial cinema. 

I choose the proposals on the basis of love at first sight that must happen with the film, with its screenplay. Then figure out who will be leading the film, meet the director. I don't have any kind of foreclosure, let's say that if I don't like something I don't do it and if I like it I do. And it doesn't matter if it's cinema or television. 

As a spectator what is the cinema you love. 

I like films that have something to say and that I also choose based on who directed and starred in it. Usually when they ask me to name some titles I have a void. Think that the same thing happened to me also during the audition to enter the experimental center, when Lina Wertmuller asked me the title of a film I had seen recently. I was struck by a cosmic void and instead of naming her an authoritative and important film I left her stunned by citing Batman, I think Nolan's first, still a good film, but I still had Wertmuller in front of me... But to go back to what you asked me, I tell you that in general I always like to watch films that come from Sundance, of which I remember, for example “Like Crazy”, which I found disarmingly beautiful, the films of P.T. Anderson, Wes Anderson, the Cohen, there are many, and among the Italians those played by Alba Rohrwacher, Valerio Mastandrea, Elio Germano, Kim Rossi Stuart and directed by Alice Rohrwacher, Costanzo, Virzì, Sorrentino, Garrone, Salvatores. Without forgetting those of the great Joaquin Phoenix. But in reality I look at everything, let's say that I try not to lose anything of these. 

Despite the certificates of esteem you have received for your performances, the impression is that of an understatement that almost seems not to be aware of what you have achieved so far as an actor. 

Whenever I see a film of mine I always think there is something I could have done better. But basically I'm happy with what I've done so far. Having said that, I think that the films alone should be enough to explain everything and that the interviews don’t add anything new to what there was to say before making them. But when I am in the dance, when I need to promote, I am committed to doing it in the best possible way. I strongly think that in life and at work it’s important to demonstrate that you know how to do and not to show at all costs that you do.

DREAMINGCINEMA

Just wanted to translate this old interview for the non-italian’s fans ^^ (sorry for my English)

[tanoraqui]

okay I have to do this today because even I wouldn’t do it after the godforsaken finale airs, and it’s basically my specialty and I did spend like an hour thinking about it last night while washing dishes. Definitely partly inspired by @words-writ-in-starlight​‘s insightful post on everything Supernatural did wrong, and apologies in advance to all the characters for dragging them into anything related to Christian mythology:

Wei Wuxian’s parents die in a house fire when he’s 6(? I refuse to look anything up) months old

Jiangs are a hunter family I guess? That whole disaster of a family dynamic, except WWX dips out at some point to be idk an environmental activist bc at the time, that seems like the larger threat to the whole world. “Mom and Dad went on a hunting trip and they haven’t come back”, “bitch” “jerk”, 2 brothers in a beat-up old car, you know the drill

Jins are also an old hunting family, but more Men of Letters energy - they have a fancy bunker and do research and avoid getting their actual hands dirty. Jiang Yanli ducked out of the active hunting life a few years ago to be happily married to her peacock and settled down with a baby and she’s fine. We’re not going to bother Yanli. She’s safe and happy and doesn’t need to involved in any of this

so, WWX is the demon blood child developing exciting new abilities like telekinesis, mind control, exorcising demons by sheer force of will...etc, and Jiang Cheng is the Righteous Man. Lucifer, Michael, etc.

s1-3 probably proceeds more or less as spn canon...which I more or less remember...by the time they find their parents at the end of s1, Jiang Fengmian is...ugh, we probably shouldn’t kill him offscreen, I mean, we should probably meet him before he dies. I guess. Madam Yu lasts longer because I’m way more interested in her. But we do know that both Jiang parents are totally inclined to fling the boys into a metaphorical or literal escape boat and go hold the line for as long as possible, so...that’s spn energy...

Xue Yang is the one who’s like “fuck yeah, demon powers” and opens the gates of Hell, because I want him to have nice* things

*nice for Xue Yang

from characterization rather than memory, I’m 90% sure that Dean tried to hide his crossroads deal from Sam, but Jiang Cheng does it...better. I think it does come out, though. Right before the hellhounds do.

here’s where it starts to go farther off from spn canon. Jiang Cheng crawls his way out of the grave, gets stalked by a menacing presence that explodes windows for an episode, incidentally can’t find WWX...*Lan Wangji voice* “I’m the one who gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition” (a baller line then and a baller line now)...and then the next episode starts with them all awkwardly standing around, and JC is like, “ok well let’s go find my brother then”, and you think there’s going to be an mdzs-riffing JC+LWJ Roadtrip To Find WWX...and they’re immediately attacked by like a dozen demons

in fact, the first time we see WWX in s4 is here, wherein he goes toe to toe with an angel and...holds his own. that’s new and terrifying! also is leading a squad of demons??

because here’s the thing: for the last 3(?) months, there’s been war in hell

because unlike Some People Mooses, upon finding out that his brother’s soul was legally nearly-owned by a crossroads demon, heir-apparent-to-Satan!WWX went, “actually fuck that” and kicked open the door of Hell (metaphorically, not loosing any demons this time) and was like, “who do I have to beat the shit out of to get a specific crossroads contract around here”

this did not work, obv. He didn’t know until it was too late, Lilith had already snapped up the contract, etc. etc.

obviously he also tried to offer himself instead, and got rejected for some reason

Since Jiang Cheng died, however, there’s been a war for control of Hell. Leading one side, Lilith, the Original Babe, who wants to break all 666(?) seals keeping Lucifer bound and in the meantime, break the Righteous Man so Heaven won’t even have Michael’s destined host ready for the Final Battle. Leading the other side, Wei Wuxian, infamous upstart, who wants to rescue the Righteous Man and restore him to life, tear Lilith’s guts out through her nose, and also stop her from doing the Lucifer thing because Wen Qing explained that yes, that’s a Thing, and it’s Bad.

Wen Qing! I’ve decided to combine Bela and Ruby’s roles and let WQ be both the cool badass example of how demon deals can go Bad and the demon deliberately leading our heroes astray for most of s3-4. Wen Qing is a very new demon; she used to be some sort of herbalist/witch but then she sold her soul in a crossroads deal to cure her brother of some lingering illness. 10 years of happiness and then boom, hellhounds. WQ is so obviously competent, though, that they (Lilith, I guess?) immediately offers her a job, with the promise threat that gee, that’s a nice brother you’ve got there, even with his Designated Chronic Health Condition getting all relapse-y. It’d be such a shame if something were to...happen to him...

we find this out at some point in last s3 I guess? some Monster of the Week case involves WN as a witness or something, or possible next victim, and WQ shows up to be A Normal Amount Of Invested In This, while desperately trying to avoid actually interacting with her brother (who thinks she’s dead). YES, the truth comes out; YES there’s a tearful reunion

now in s4, Wen Ning is fine actually, health-wise, bc he maybe made a crossroads deal with Wei Wuxian personally, and Wen Qing may or may not have admitted that she’s supposed to be working for Lilith to get WWX ready to host Lucifer? Or potentially that comes out later, idk. Either way, she’s 100% his top lieutenant in this exciting Hell War they’re waging

[insert whatever the hell (ha) happened plot-wise in s4 of supernatural]

we obviously mix up the relationships, too, bc it’s like, *LWJ internal monologue* I’m too young to remember my brother Lucifer as he was before he Fell, but surely Wei Wuxian is his Heir and Destined Vessel in truth, for he is Charismatic and Charming and Makes Me Feel Things, with his Clearly Feigned Righteous Drive and Compassion for All God’s Creatures and - why does heat keep pooling in the lower abdomen of my vessel when I look at his lips, which I am definitely doing a Normal and Not-Weird Amount - I’m just keeping an eye out for the famed Silver Tongue, and not in any way wondering how it would feel in my own mouth -

it’s actually DEFINITELY plausible for Lucifer to still be released even if our designated Heir Apparent is using his demon powers to his full potential and no one’s lying to each other about their motives. You just need to let Lilith be more scary too, and especially bc by “no one” I mostly mean Wen Qing; the angels are still totally hiding the fact that they, too, want to jumpstart the shit out of this apocalypse.  LWJ decides at the last minute that that’s a bad idea actually, gets himself discorporated to send JC to intercept WWX because he accidentally releases Lucifer, etc. etc. Oh yeah, the boys were def fighting before this, bc JC has actually fairly reasonable concerns about the sort of things WWX is getting up to in his quest to become King of Hell...

SO

...I neither know nor care what happens in s5

it does end with both Lucifer and Michael locked in the cage probably, bc I rather liked that solution. Fuck both of ‘em, basically.

I was toying with the idea that WWX also found Madam Yu in whatever hellish torment she was suffering after making a deal so her idiot son(s) would survive, and she was leading forces for him in the war against Lilith as well. If she came back to life somehow, body and all, it’d probably be compelling if she offered her own body to Michael - bc it’s her lineage! - and we’re all led to believe that she’s, uh, being a bitch and actually wants to risk destroying the world in order to destroy all demons...but then she seizes back control and flings herself/Michael and Lucifer into the Pit, because she’s just That Hardcore?

which means we’d actually have had her around and having characterization for most of s4-5, too, which would be fun

More importantly, it ends with newly crowned King of Hell Wei Wuxian appointing Wen Qing as Queen-Regent and ditching to go on an indefinite honeymoon with his new angel boyfriend (they’re going to fuck for like three weeks straight, then roll up their sleeves and go conquer Heaven in the name of free will), and Jiang Cheng gets to live out his hitherto-unknown-to-himself life’s ambition to be the sugar baby of the Queen of Hell. It’s very Hades/Persephone, except he goes back down to the underworld at least once a month. He gets his own demon squad whom he trains up in all the hunting techniques and it’s gr9. Wen Qing is reforming the crossroads deal process to make it more fair to the humans.

the end

Addenda:

it should go without saying but Jiang Yanli is definitely a recurring character, like, at least once a season there’s a filler episode where they go to Jiang Yanli’s for dinner and have to get along as a family, and also do the much easier job of defeating some sort of terrible demon that gets loose in the bunker and turns the evening into a horror movie. She’s their main research/emotional check-in person, a la Bobby, more often appearing in later seasons when there’s, uhhh, more to emotionally check in about.

Jin Zixuan is actually a perfectly competent hunter; he’s just a priss and we don’t Like him

we like Mianmian, though. Oh, I guess the official Hunter’s Guild or w/e tries to declare WWX a public enemy on account of the whole “King of Hell” thing and she’s like “actually what if you’re morons and assholes?” and joins hte team in s4 or 5? Yeah.

idk how the 3zun disaster happens in this ‘verse but I do encourage it to be happening in slow motion as a recurring subplot for several seasons. NMJ is a hunter, LXC is obv an angel, and JGY is...I wanna say one of the more human monsters, like a vampire? Or, you know, something that could be born from JGS sleeping with someone/something he shouldn’t have

[tomorrowsdrama]

2020: A Year in Thirst

In 1985, Gabriel Garcia Marquez gave the world Love in the Time of Cholera.  In 2020 (er, I guess it’s now 2021), I give to you, Thirst in the Time of Covid-19 or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Embrace the Thirst, a brief recap of all the dramas I watched in 2020 and whether such dramas made yours truly parched..  

The list contains dramas that premiered in 2020, but also dramas from previous years.  If I watched it or attempted to watch it in 2020, it’s on the list.  

EDIT: Ok, I’m going to have to do this in multiple parts because apparently I watched more dramas in 2020 than I remembered and talking about them all in one post would just be too long.

This also serves as a sort of greeting to all the people who recently followed me.  I don’t know how or why, but thank you for being interested in my thirst, and also so sorry for everything you have/will witness here!  I started this side blog last December 2019 as a place to dump all my fangirl feels and thirst with unbridled abandon and let’s just say, the thirst REALLY ramped up in 2020 during quarantine and all the political chaos/uncertainty.  The state of the world may be uncertain, but my thirst will always be a comforting constant!  LOL. If you want to thirst or fangirl/boy together, I’m all ears.

Anyway, let’s start with the drama that was partially the inspiration for this list. 

1. The Wolf

Brief Summary: Sweet hot boy raised in the wilderness/by wolves meets sweet beautiful girl and they fall in love.  Shitty evil people do shitty evil things to them to cause a misunderstanding and they are separated for years.  Sweet hot boy is given the “Sexy Bloody Tormented Killer Makeover” TM and turns into a VERY VERY BAD HOT Wolf Man after being tortured/brainwashed by an evil asshole king who “adopted” him.  Bad Hot Wolf Man reunites with sweet beautiful girl but because of third party machinations in the past, he thinks that she betrayed him so he is suuuuuuch an ass to her (while still maintaining hotness).  But even beneath the asshattery (and sexy jerky smirks), he can’t help his love for her and it’s just *chefs kiss*. The angst, the pining, the mutual sacrifice for each other, the torment of wanting to be together but not being able to be together because of external forces/circustances, oh I am getting in a tizzy just thinking about it.  I won’t reveal anymore so as not to spoil the drama, but just know the ending may destroy you.

Is she thirsty? Am I thirsty? AM I THIRSTY?  Oh honey, if you don’t know the answer to that, then you must either be new here or you haven’t been paying attention to any of my posts in the past few weeks.  Look, from the first moment the camera panned to Darren Wang’s very well-defined and tan chest and windswept hair, all semblance of shame and dignity I ever tried to feign on this tumblr was immediately thrown out the window.  The feelings that he inspired within me were purely primal.  My cavewoman ancestor from millennia ago stopped gathering food in the harsh wilderness for a brief second to transmigrate into my body and go “me want big strong man!”

I mean, below is literally our introduction to Wolf Boy.  Am I supposed to just witness this and not feel anything?  The director knew what he/she was doing.  Anybody who worked on the drama who says they didn’t intend to exploit Darren Wang’s assets is a BOLD FACED LIAR. And this isn’t even Wolf boy in his hottest form.

That would be this:

Damn, your girl needs a moment here.  When Wolf Boy turns into Bad Hot Wolf Man, wheeeeewww.  The things that came out of my mouth and the thoughts that popped up into my head.

Examples of shameless fangirl drooling can be found here: https://tomorrowsdrama.tumblr.com/post/636986055498792960/dangermousie-this-should-be-illegal-i-mean Here: https://tomorrowsdrama.tumblr.com/post/637238885944033280/dangermousie-i-am-fucking-dead-the-end-this Here: https://tomorrowsdrama.tumblr.com/post/637793196830769152/dangermousie-wolfie-acquired-a-kid-omg Here: https://tomorrowsdrama.tumblr.com/post/635272988321775616/dangermousie-i-dont-know-about-you-guys-but and here: https://tomorrowsdrama.tumblr.com/post/637621638524977152/dangermousie-hnnnnnnnngh-i-am-beginning-to-forget

Honestly, just check out The Wolf tag on @dangermousie​ tumblr and you won’t be disappointed.  Prepare to become obsessed, horny, and heartbroken.

Would I watch it minus the thirst traps? Have you ever thirsted so much that you couldn’t separate what reaction was hormonal and what was objective?  Like the guy is so hot to you that when your friends ask you what do you like about him, the first 10 things you can think of are “he’s hot!” and then you try to remind yourself that you’re not a shallow person who actually cares about things other than looks but at the same time you can’t for the life of you think of a non-hot based trait that you like about the guy  Yeah, that’s what happened here so sorry, I can’t give you an objective opinion.  It’s not that there’s nothing objectively good about The Wolf, it’s just that my judgment is too clouded by Darren Wang’s abs and big hands.  But from what I can tell by other people’s posts, even if you didn’t thirst for Darren Wang (Are you made of stone?  But also, can you please teach me your magic so I can go back to being a semi-functional working woman?), The Wolf is still a very enjoyable drama with its own non-Darren Wang related merits.

2. My Beautiful Bride

Brief Summary: A drama about a strait-laced banker who wears a dorky backpack and rides a bicycle everywhere while wearing the dorkiest looking helmet ever and his beautiful bride-to-be whom he is hopelessly devoted to.  This being a kdrama, and an OCN drama at that, things aren’t all what they appear to be.  Yes, you read that right, an OCN. ROMANCE. DRAMA.  Turns out the beautiful bride-to-be has a dangerous past that soon comes back to haunt her and she mysteriously disappears one day from strait-laced banker’s life in the typical kdrama way to protect him.  Part of the reason she leaves him is also because she doesn’t want him to know about her past because she doesn’t think she’s good enough for him.  Little does she know, he knows everything about her past and accepts it all.  The only reason why he doesn’t bring it up is because he knows she doesn’t want him to know about that part of herself and he loves her so much he’s willing to do anything to make her happy.  But also, another thing she doesn’t know is that underneath that boring but perfectly ironed suit, is a finely chiseled, super efficient fighting machine who did his mandatory military service in the special forces.  He is like the terminator meets Liam Neeson’s character in Taken.  He has a very particular set of skills and will stop at nothing to get his bride back.

Is she thirsty?  Please just watch this video and you will have your answer: https://youtu.be/Ut9MhxWadHM

Prior to The Wolf, My Beautiful Bride was probably the most thirst-inducing drama I watched in 2020.

I mean, just look

at this

at all of this

I don’t’ know how Joo Young saw that body and never questioned whether he really was just a banker.  The writers of the drama must be super heterosexual men who are blind because so many of the characters in the drama question why someone as beautiful as Joo Young would ever want to be with someone like the banker. Um..Um...aside from the fact that he is financially well off, treats her well, is loving and respectful of her, and prioritizes her over everything else, JUST LOOK AT HIM.  I was so thirsty for Kim Mu Yeol in this role that I would accidentally tag this drama as My Beautiful Banker sometimes.  The banker was on a relentless one-man mission to take back his bride and turn me on in the process and ooooooh boy was he successful on both fronts.  He is seriously sex on legs every time he beats up a baddie in his quest to find answers about Joo Young’s whereabouts.

Would I watch it minus the thirst traps?  I binged the first six episodes of this drama in one afternoon partly because of my thirst, but also partly because it’s a very well made crime-action-gangster drama.  This is an OCN drama so you can expect a competently made production with well choreographed/bloody action scenes and a solid script.

3. Scarlet Heart Ryeo / Moon Lovers

Brief Summary: IU plays Hae Soo, a modern woman who is somehow transported back in time to the Goryeo period.  There, she gets entangled with a group of royal princes.  Her two main love interests are Wang So (played by Lee Jun Ki) and Wang Wook (played by Kang Ha Neul).  The princes vie for the throne and some of them for Hae Soo’s affection.  Lee Jun Ki does what he does best, which is play a sexy tortured deadly man who looks way too good with blood splattered on his face.  Kang Ha Neul is the seemingly kind prince/daddy long legs character who turns out to be not so kind or daddy long leggy.  Hae Soo is...well IU did the best she could with what she was given (which was a hot inconsistent mess).

Is she thirsty? Scarlet Heart Ryeo is like the honeypot of thirst traps.  It’s essentially a reverse harem set up with a prince for everyone.

Like them young and cute?  Then try the 10th prince, Wang Eun.

Want them big, tall, and kinda dumb?  Here’s the 14th prince Wang Jung for ya.

Want an evil bastard with an affinity for guyliner?  Try out 3rd prince Wang Yo.

Tall, slender, and scholarly? 13th prince Baek-ah will fill your needs.

Is a kind/gentle man who will ultimately disappoint you because he doesn’t show up when you need him most more your speed?  Well, let me introduce you to 8th prince, Wang Wook.

Kinda scary but oh so hot and with a ton of baggage?  We’re talking, I overpacked and brought 10 overstuffed large suitcases levels of baggage. 4th prince Wang So is the guy for you.

And if you prefer someone with no personality, presence, or memorable traits, I got a two-for-one deal for you in the crown prince Wang Mu and 9th prince Wang Won.

Would I watch it minus the thirst traps?  There is political intrigue, scheming, romance, fluffy hijinks (my least favorite parts of the drama), angst, beautiful costumes, and pretty decent fight scenes.  Scarlet Heart Ryeo is a pretty solid fusion/fantasy sageuk mostly thanks to Lee Jun Ki.  The only person who has ever carried a larger load on his back is Atlas.  I’m not saying all the other actors are horrendous. It’s just very clear that the one elevating the material beyond the inconsistencies/messiness/elementary politics of the script is Lee Jun Ki.  Your enjoyment level of the drama will likely increase if you are a fan of any of the main actors.  

[feysandfeels]

Sometimes I think of the trigger Lucien must have gotten when he saw Feyre die and Tamlin holding her crying. He probably made a parallel about what happened to him and Jesminda. I believe that's why he didn't help Feyre so hard in relation to Tamlin in the second book, because Tamlin got the opportunity he didn't get.

Of course there's every part of Tamlin being his High Lord and he owes him allegiance, but I believe his trauma has been addressed.

Of course, that's not an excuse, but I can't stop thinking about it.

Hiya Sugar, I know you asked me this like three weeks ago, sorry I'm just getting around to it.

So this mainly has two sides to understand first is what was happening to Lucien. Here we need to take into account his history of abuse at the hands of his family and Tamlin. The second is clearly how Feyre understood the situation from her own place of enunciation. Still I think this is one of those discussions in the fandom where you should tread lightly because I don't think either side is entirely wrong to feel what they felt and every argument has a well crafted response that is enlightening.

Lucien.

I think by this point denying that Lucien is a victim of abusive relationships that showcased their abuse not only physically but mentally and emotionally is just irresponsable and willful blindness. Lucien's family dynamic speaks of a toxic environment if I ever saw one. The Jesminda's death at the hands of his brothers and father is something that has left a scar as visible as the one across his eye. This is an experience that molds how he interacts with other people as friends, as romantic partners, and also how he understands romantic relationships that he is not involved in (Feyre and T*mlin).

From this angle, yes, UtM was extremely triggering for him because yet again he was placed in a situation where the loved one is killed and the other person "can't do much" about it (the quotation thingies are because T*mlin was being useless af here and he should have done more than just beg, Lucien's situation he was magically and physically restrained). He understands T*mlin's nightmares better than almost anyone, and as he told Feyre, T*mlin will never not hear the sound of her neck breaking. I do believe that if T*mlin had talked about this with Lucien, he might have dealt with the whole thing better.

We can't also ignore that Lucien carries a lot of guilt regarding Jesminda. He couldn't save her and seeing his friend die in a similar manner must have brought up his own traumas so its understandable that his full on attention might not have been spent towards understanding what Feyre was going through. We all are dealing with things and it's fair when you don't have the mental space to see what is happening to those around you, even when you are as observant as Lucien is. If your mind is not seeing, it doesn't matter if your golden eye sees it all. This guilt of not being there for the ones he loves (in any capacity) is also shown in WAR when he realizes better what happened to Feyre and he says something about being the villain in her story. As much of an Elucien fan that I am I do think that part of his reasoning for going to fetch the army was to make amends with Feyre. He felt guilty for not being there for her friend. (Yes he had a lot more to address on his plate, there's no doubt of that). In a way I do think he recognized that he could have done more.

On top of this we add that Lucien's relationship with T*mlin is based on a partly on the loyalty earned from saving him from his brothers. I think that it is not for nothing that in ACOSF Eris says that he's the one that sent word to T*mlin about what was happening to Lucien, which implies the existence of a friendship that predates the murder of Jesminda. This means that along with that loyalty there must be some old fashion good hearted feelings that nourish what we see as the friendship these two have. What I mean is that probably Lucien's vision of T*mlin is the friend he used to be way back when and the loyalty for offering a "home".

We don't know when exactly T*mlin started being abusive towards Lucien, but at least we can all agree that during ACOMAF he was. It wouldn't also be a stretch to think that in the pre-acotar days there might have been incidents of physical abuse, but so far we don't know for sure. There is a missing piece of information that we don't have yet because Lucien was more feisty during UtM when his life was at risk, than he was during MAF... this tells us a lot of how T*mlin was handling things with him.

There's also something to be said with how Lucien understood abuse. It's a heavy possibility that he perceived abuse like he saw it in the AC. He had a naturalized version of what abuse is, that for him w abuse looked like and felt like what he lived in the AC, so what he experienced with T*mlin pre-acotar did not seem to him as abuse (even when it was). And after Amarantha he began to understand the multiple faces of abuse and thus started to being afraid of T*mlin. Lucien could have also been dealing with the realization that a centuries old relationship had be tainted with abusive behaviors.

I do think that Lucien thought that he tried as hard as he could with the tools he had. But that does not mean that he shouldn't have done more. The problem is that Lucien didn't know he could. Like if he had fought with Tamlin for Feyre's sake where would he go then? Feyre had the option to go to the Night Court, Lucien did not. I like to believe that if he had known the truth about the NC before and had him and Feyre talked about it they would have said fuck you Tamlin, bye, black is the new spring. But he did not know. So he stayed on the comfortable zone of pushing but not jeopardizing his "home". You can hardly blame him for how he played the game when he did not know he was playing with one hand tied to his back.

I will not excuse though when he tried to grab her against her will during the woods. I understand that he was scared and desperate, but I still think that it was not right.

Feyre.

When I stand from a Feyre point of view there are two things that speak to me above all others. First she died for Tamlin and she bargained her life for his court -Lucien included- so I understand the she expected him to push and fight hard for her too. I know there's a quote about her recognizing that T*mlin had fought for her but that she had fought harder for him, and I think that can also suit her relationship with Lucien to an extend. I'm not saying that Lucien is like T*mlin, because no, not at all, not even in the least; but I do think she would have liked for her friend to fight for her well being like she fought for his during UtM.

Second it is hard to be see your friends still be friends with your abuser. Yes Feyre doesn't know all the variables that affect their relationship, the toxic loyalty that T*mlin saving Lucien created, the genuine friendship that was there before her and before Jesminda... but I understand the pain to see your friend not draw the lines for your sake.

This offers a beautiful arc for Lucien in the sense that only recently there has been a movement of "tell me if I'm friends with your abuser", and this awakening is a reality that a lot of people are facing. Is hard to untangle yourself from a person you have known for x amount of time, because you are trying to see the abusive person in the face you related to kindness or something not abusive. Again, we don't know how their relationship was pre-Feyre, perhaps Tamlin had been nothing but a sugary cupcake with Lucien and it's hard to associate that version of his friend to the version he is post Amarantha, the version that will physically abuse them; perhaps T*mlin had always been an ass but "the good outweighed those few instances of abusive behavior". What I'm trying to say is that sometimes it is hard to make a clean cut when the abuser turns out to be the person who saved you (from an even worse abuser but like you get what I mean).

I will not do him the disservice to say that he might not have connected the dots and thought that T*mlin's behavior was abusive towards Feyre. Even if he was just understanding how abuse can look like and even if he was reliving Jesminda's death I do think he could see that T*mlin's behavior was abusive towards Feyre (here I am making the distinction between reliving the trauma of having his love murdered and him recognizing abuse). Lucien is clever and intelligent. I think he did see what was happening, but that implied also a massive shift of reality for him that he was not prepared to see and did not have the tools to deal with, he was also struggling there.

Final thoughts.

I think Feyre is not wrong to feel a tad of distaste against Lucien through ACOMAF. Speaking from a personal experience it is quite sad and tough to see people who you conceived as friends not stand up to you when you are suffering at the hand of your S.O who happens to be their friend. It sucks a lot because you truly feel alone and you feel that at the end of the day they did not take care of you at the expense of taking care or helping or remaining on the good graces of your abuser.

But I think that simply condemning Lucien's actions during MAF without understanding the complicated history of abuse he has, is irresponsable. You are of course allowed to say that he is not fave and that it left a bad taste in your mouth, that's fair, but to condemn him the way I've seen this fandom do without an ounce of empathy or critical reading is just baffling (which to be quite frankly is also something I saw everybody after ACOSF with Rhysand, they condemned his actions without truly taking five second to understand the historical context of them).

Characters are allowed to make mistakes and are allowed to fall short in any given situation, because we as living creatures sometimes fall short in life. What's important to me is that Lucien is learning and when Feyre returned to the SC in WAR we could all see that he changed his approached towards the situation and was there for her. And also you will pry this off my hands but the fact that he is invited to their Solstice celebrations speaks of the state of their relationship right now, they are understanding of what the other is going through and I do think they are making amends and creating a friendship that acknowledges the mistakes they have both made towards the other one.

Yeah this was a long ramble.

Again, apologies it took me so long to answer

Long live Lucien and Feyre. I can't wait for them to grow closer.

[lemeute]

this is a Personal™ Post™ ft My Worn-Out Brain On Activism so don’t like don’t read etc etc including do/ n/t reblo/g

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ugh so I just reblogged that Guillermo del Toro post with the quote that’s like “you young people are in the exact age of desperation. I never felt more done and old than in my twenties. I’d say ‘life has passed me by and I did nothing.’ But I’m here to tell you that’s not true: you have a lot of fucking time”

and I??? ugh. I was going to say “objectively I believe he’s right and I have a fuckton more time than I feel like” but the thing is, I think he’s like. half-right? like, YES, I feel done and old in part because I have a hard time keeping perspective, a hard time remembering that many people start new and necessary and joyful things in adulthood and in middle age and as elders. I have a hard time remembering, even, that escalating worldwide crisis doesn’t mean I won’t live to be 80 or whatever.

but the thing is, I’m not just aware of escalating worldwide crisis. my day-to-day tasks are really intimately tied up in it. it’s hard to think of a single week over the course of this summer where I haven’t had friends or friends of friends arrested (and often spending two nights in custody) for their activism trying to hold back some piece of that crisis (mostly thanks to the fossil fuel industry, so if this post reads particularly climate-justice/climate-organizing-y that’s why). huge portions of my energy have gone into remote support work related to that.

but yeah so it’s not that I’d say that life has passed me by and I’ve done nothing, even, because I can see and respect what I’ve done? but there is so much more I want to do, and also so much more I need to do, and I think it is the overwhelm amount of them both that makes me feel so desperate. or perhaps it’s how much there is that I want that makes me feel so desperate, and how much there is that I need to do that makes me feel so done and old,

and yeah. yes. I’m not doing it alone, I know to take breaks, all that. I’m investing a lot of work in my mental health. I don’t need tips and tricks. what I’m talking about is how, even though I work hard to build a sustainable practice of activism or whatever, engaging regularly with the weight of the world’s pain and the entities/people who shrug and continue to cause it--that makes me feel old. do I have a lot of time to live? sure. but in another ten years, how much more heavier will this be? and not just for myself, but for people who might die of it?

we’ve all heard the quote that’s like “the earth is not dying it’s being killed and the people doing it have names and addresses” right but like. the people of the earth who are BEING killed and BEING harmed also have names and addresses, and I know and love a lot of them, and I never feel more done and old than when I face the realization that in a particular moment I can do nothing substantial to keep them safe. and so yes. maybe I do have so much fucking time. even on a burning planet maybe I do. but not all of us do, and so sometimes I wish the people around me (I’m thinking mostly of irl people to be clear) who haven’t spent the past three months backing up frontlines communities could tune into the Actual Real Desperation a bit more? not because I want anyone to feel shitty, because I don’t. but this isn’t just an Icicle’s Mental Health Thing. and like. I think del Toro is right that in some ways, your twenties just ARE the exact age of desperation. and I think there is a lot to gain by stepping out of that. but also, I think there are things!! that people lose! and one of them is often the willingness to take seriously other people’s desperation, and another is to take a fucking risk on another person’s behalf, or to step out of your comfort zone!!

anyway ok I haven’t made a vent post in a while so I guess I made up for it by this one being Long™ so tl;dr:

I feel old and worn out

yes I think that’s partly the Life Stage but I wish people not in the same life stage would see the desperation as partly something to learn urgency and forceful compassion from as well as something to balance out

there are so many things I’m excited about in life but how will I ever have the time to do them in a more than haphazard way lmao

even with good boundaries and like sustainable activism best practices (YES this includes therapy) the weight of what I’ve been doing is still heavy as fuck

[hswarm]

My Experience With Simvicii, Oliveandoak & Their Discord

I’ve seen a lot of posts going around in regards to simvicii, oliveandoak, their discord and private channels. I felt now would be the best time to speak out about my experience with these things. I think it’s best that people have as much information as possible.

Disclaimer: I am not innocent to anything and neither is anyone else in that discord. We are all at fault for allowing simvicii and oliveandoak behave the way they did as well as enabling/aiding in their behaviors. This is partly why I left tumblr back in March because I realized I had become the same type of person as them and I was disgusted with myself. This does not exclude me from any blacklash/punishment but I recognize my mistakes and left to address them.

How We Met: Probably around November/December or earlier back in 2019 Simvicii had dm’d me asking for a sim, this was when they went by a different username. At the time I wasn’t giving sims away because poor experiences but I had just followed her blog and became a fan so I gave her one. She later gave me a sim in exchange as well. The sim I gave her is who everyone knows as Hollie Evans. (More on this later)

Joining The Discord: After exchanging sims I never talked to Simvicii again so when Oliveandoak dm’d me asking if I wanted to join their discord I was a bit surprised. But me being me and wanting to be apart of something I chose to join, probably in early January. Everything seemed pretty normal at first but within the first few weeks I noticed a good amount of gossip going on. The server was still small and hand picked individuals so I guess they didn’t have to worry quite yet. Everything started pretty small/mild but then once the private channel was made things escalated.

The Private Channel: I guess under the safety of the channel Simvicii and Oliveandoak felt more comfortable being their true selves. Admittedly, Simvicii didn’t say too many harsh things but Oliveandoak definitely did. I remember on multiple occasions she posted screenshots of her asks and mocked the senders. There were a few asks where they didn’t quite make sense, most likely result of poor english, and she would mock them saying ‘wtf does this mean/how am i supposed to read this’ and others of the like.

Most of the time we, we being the others in the channel, would just go along with what they said. I noticed a few of them didn’t actually participate in many of those types of conversations, probably because they knew it was wrong. I myself would simply go along or ignore them because whenever I had tried to call Oliveandoak out for being too rude, mocking people, or simply tried to defend whoever it was she would get very passive aggressive with me.

Some Of What Was Said: For the most part I don’t remember a lot of the actual words and phrases they used but I remember a few of the topics. I know on several occasions they mocked their followers/people who sent them asks. They mocked simblrs they didn’t like. I actually remember three very specific simblrs being brought up almost daily by either simvicii or oliveandoak. They also would complain about people asking them to include POC or LGBTQ+ sims.

About The POC/LGBTQ+ Topics: I wanted to expand on this specifically because Simvicii is very good with words and a lot of us in the discord kind of were persuaded to agree based on how she worded things. So, most of the time the conversation was about how simblr forces people to include POC/LGBTQ+ sims and Simvicii felt that it was wrong or whatever because there’s a lot of blogs doing already + why should they be forced to do something on their blog, or something of that nature.

Now, to a degree I agreed with her simply because me being apart of the LGBTQ+ community I really hate seeing straight people trying to portray us. It almost always ends up weird and cringey. I didn’t want to see another person making that type of content. I just didn’t. So, I agreed and told her I didn’t think she needed to be posting that because she can’t related and it’s better to not do something you’re not informed on. However, that does not mean she can’t have LGBTQ+ backstory characters.

I know recently there’s a post going around with a screenshot of her talking about how asians are normally excluded from the term POC, especially here on simblr, and I have to agree. However, that does not mean you do not exclude the rest of the POC community in retaliation. Now, I’m not saying this to be rude but even when Simvicii makes “asian” sims they still look an awful lot like their white sims because their sim style makes them all look fairly similar. So, even when she made asian sims you could barely tell. But making asian sims does not exclude you from making black, hispanic, latino, middle eastern, islander, etc sims. You don’t get to trade one for the others.

Same with Oliveandoak. She got asks about her lack of POC sims and she complained saying ‘I have POC sims!!’. It doesn’t count when they’re all extremely white passing. I even personally sent her a dark skinned sim to which she switched the content on and made her look several shades lighter. This is a problem. Aesthetic or not you still need to include dark skinned sims and other races.

Moving on.

Hollie Evans: So, back to the original topic of Hollie Evans. A lot of you who know who Simvicii know who this sim is. She was one of the main characters paired as Romeo’s bff/gf/whatever. Well, yes I actually made that sim. HOWEVER, Simvicii claims (after 2-3 months of use) that the Hollie we see today isn’t actually my Hollie but a replica she made herself.

She claims that she ‘remade’ Hollie and just ‘used the same presets and everything’. I’m sorry but that’s not true. If you took a side by side of the two sims you would see that the facial structures are identical and we all know even if you try to recreate someone else’s style using the exact same content it’s not going to be 100% identical, which Hollie to her core is identical.

The thing that bothers me and hurts me is that she went our whole friendship telling me it’s the sim I gave her and then when confronted claims it’s not that sim, when clearly it is she just wants out of the doghouse. She sent Hollie to people for collabs without saying anything to me. She changed all her custom content ‘to match her style’ and she no longer uses the ‘Hollie Evans by Honeyswarm’ tags. Which the tag thing only happened after I left tumblr.

I think it’s extremely rude and hurtful to ask someone for a sim and then change everything about them, claim them as yours and share them with other people. It’s simply not right and she knows it. She would constantly bring up a blogger who had forced her to give them her sims and then ripped her off. She knows what that feels like and she knows that’s wrong.

There’s probably a hell of a lot more I could talk about, like the three blogs they always mentioned, how they all but basically convinced the private channel to exclude someone in the discord, their lack of care/empathy towards other server members/myself, admitting to sending hate to people they disliked/disagreed with and just their general toxic behavior and manipulation but I think this post is long enough.

I don’t have “evidence” to everything here because I never thought I’d need it/be posting about it but considering everyone’s coming out I figured I would too. The only “evidence” I have is in relation to our conversation when she admitted she ripped my sim off. If you’d like those I can share them but otherwise that’s all I have.

I don’t know if this post will reach anyone or even mean anything but I felt like I needed to say these things and make it aware to others. It’s always best to have as much information as possible so that’s what I’m doing here. It’s really up to you to decide what you do with it.

I also want to apologize to everyone affected by the things Simvicii and Oliveandoak have said/done. I’m so sorry I allowed them to say and do the things they said and did. I’m so sorry I didn’t stick up for y’all better. I was afraid of losing ‘friends’ and I was afraid what might happen if I went against them. That doesn’t make it any better but please no I am so deeply sorry for everything said/done in that server that I either aided in or allowed to happen.

-Honeyswarm

[demonsonthemoon]

Standing on the Edge / We’re Already Falling

Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe Pairing: Bucky Barnes/Clint Barton Word Count: 3499 Rating: M Summary: Clint doesn't do romantic relationships. Bucky doesn't do sex. But they do do something together. One night, Clint has a request. "Do you mind if I jerk off?" Featuring akoiromantic!Clint. Notes: If you are here expecting smut you might be disappointed because the smut I was planning to write disappeared in between whole paragraphs of introspection. STORY OF MY LIFE. This fic has been sitting in my draft for more than a year and I STILL had to rush it to post it in time for #AggressivelyArospecWeek, so apologies if it is super wonky and there are typos everywhere. This is vaguely inspired by personal experiences and fantasies, because relationships are fascinating and I like to self-reflect. Also please note that I'm allosexual and the perspective I have on asexuality is totally external. So if you have any comments about the way I wrote it that might further my understanding of asexuality and help me write it better, let me know! Content warnings: Bucky's asexuality in this is explored partly in relation to his history of abuse so if that sounds squicky or triggering to you, be careful!

Read it on AO3.

The feeling of Bucky's lips on his wasn't anything new to Clint. That didn't mean that the pleasure of it was wearing off, far from it. First kisses were never the best. No, the really good one only came after, when you knew what the other person liked and they knew your preferences as well. When you could play each other like finally tuned instruments to elicit your favorite sounds at will. Those were the best kisses.

The one they were sharing now was quite high-ranking on that scale, at least according to Clint's opinion. They were both freshly clean from a shower, and Clint was quickly letting go of all the tension from the mission he'd just come back from. He was finally reaching the good side of pent-up where sensations were pleasurably heightened but not making him paranoid. Then there was the fact that Bucky was softly biting on his lower lip and had a hand in Clint's hair. Yeah. It was a pretty good kiss.

“Fuck,” Clint whispered at they broke apart for hair. They didn't go far from one another, just hovering on that edge of kissing again. Clint had a hand on Bucky's face, softly running a thumb over his stubble, the other over his hip.

Bucky smiled, then kissed him again. It was funny. Clint swore his lips tasted different when he smiled. It was one of his favorite flavors.

This thing between them hadn't always been that easy. There had been a time when Bucky's only two moods were “shadow in the corner” and “murder glare,” which had not been conducive to much physical intimacy. (Not that Clint had been unwilling. Everyone who knew him was aware of his attraction to danger.) It had taken a while for Bucky to become comfortable, both with himself and with the people also living on the Avengers compound. Clint had understood that. The guy had been through a lot. He'd still barely remembered who he was when he'd turned himself in after a year of leading Steve and Sam around on a merry chase.

But he'd gotten around to it. The whole being a person thing. Being something other than a weapon.

Yes, Clint had been a little protective of him. Still was. He could relate to the guy. A few days of alien brainwashing was obviously different to a few decades of being Hydra's puppet, but it still gave them more common grounds than most of the other Avengers.

They'd started getting along, and then they had started getting along, and now Clint was shirtless and kissing Bucky in his bed and it all felt really nice.

Really really nice.

“Shit, fuck,” Clint whimpered against Bucky's mouth, drawing away slightly. “Wait a sex- sec. I have a question.”

The beginning of their relationship (Clint always made a face at the word, but he hadn't found any other one that fit) had involved a lot of awkward conversations about boundaries. Clint had been on the verge of e-mailing his therapist about it several times. She would have been so proud. Clint wasn't ready to admit that, but it had felt nice for once not to be the only one tiptoeing around a minefield. That's what it had felt like in a lot of his other relationships, and most of his other partners hadn't been subtle in letting him know it was his fault.

Bucky didn't make him feel like it was his fault. He had plenty of minefields of his own and seemed grateful to have Clint here to help him figure out their layouts.

It had almost been funny when they'd realized how little they matched one another.

Clint didn't do romance. He'd learned the hard way that however much he liked the person at first, and even continued to like them, in a way, he couldn't sustain romantic attraction for much more than a few weeks into a relationship. And the pressure of a romantic relationship was just too much for him to handle. After a series of self-sabotaged messes and a divorce, he'd been forced to admit that it wasn't worth trying anymore. He'd mostly resigned himself to one-night stands and the occasional cuddle with a friend. Wanting regular physical and emotional intimacy outside of a romantic relationship just wasn't something he figured he could get.

Bucky, on the other hand, was totally open to the pursuit of romance. At least as much as someone with such severe trust issues as he had could be. But he didn't really do sex. At least not for now.

It had been kind of funny to find all of that out, but also not at all. Clint was very happy that they'd decided to figure something out anyway. He'd been even happier when the something in question had turned out to involve having a close friend he could regularly make out with but who didn't pressure him into being with each other all the time, being wooed or going on dates.

Their relationship probably looked like weird and misshapen from any outside perspective, and sometimes even from Clint's, when his nerves were too raw or his mind was too numb and he looked at the universe and only saw the result of his failures. But it was theirs, and whenever Clint felt like his skin was his own again, he found he was willing to fight for it.

It was a weird yo-yo motion, with a string that threatened to snap every so often, but so far it was still turning.

Clint couldn't help himself, and he gave Bucky another peck on the lips. Just to erase the frown that had formed on his forehead as he'd pulled away from their kiss.. “Don't worry. There's no good or bad answer here.” He tried to keep his tone confident and casual. Spy training came in handy in these kinds of situation. Of course, the fact that Bucky was just as well trained meant he could usually read through Clint's bullshit, but well. One had to try.

Clint took a breath, and smiled. “Do you mind if I jerk off?”

Bucky froze against Clint's hands. His eyes widened just the slightest bit.

And then he looked down at Clint's crotch, and the blond bit down on his own lip to avoid letting out a thoroughly undignified squeak. The outline of his erection was clearly visible through the worn material of his post-shower sweatpants. Bucky somehow seemed surprised by it, even though there was no way he hadn't felt it rub against him at any point of the previous proceedings.

Clint felt a blush rise to his cheeks. He wasn't embarrassed about sex. He didn't think that was what it was. He was just very aware of the request he'd just made and the fact that Bucky's attention was still lingering on his cock.

“You don't have to say yes. I really don't mind if we just make out some more and cuddle. I just thought... Well. I just thought that if you didn't have to... participate, you might still like to watch?” The blood in his cheeks was quickly approaching boiling point. “Or not. I don't know. I just thought I'd ask.”

Clint forced himself to close his mouth and stop talking before he fell into a spell of ill-advised chatter. For a few excruciating seconds, Bucky stayed silent. At least he was looking into Clint's eyes again, instead of at his dick. Small mercies.

“Is that something that you would like? If I watched?”

“Um.” Clint swallowed. The fact that Bucky's gaze followed the movement of his Adam's apple was enough to force him to admit he didn't want to lie. “Yeah. Yeah. I'd... I think I'd like that a lot.”

Clint didn't know what reaction he'd expected at that. A joke perhaps. Or at least a raised eyebrow. He hadn't expected Bucky to move forward like a hunting animal jumping on his prey and kiss him. Clint opened his mouth and let the kiss deepen. He wasn't an idiot, he wouldn't pass up the opportunity to get kissed passionately by Bucky just because he was confused. So he moved one arm over Bucky's shoulder, found a better angle and kissed back, giving as much as he got.

He hadn't lied when he'd said he could do just this for hours. Who cared if it made him feel like an awkward teenager again, one who was all too happy to agree to “no sex on the first date” because he didn't know how to tell his at the time girlfriend that he hadn't ever touched a condom in his life.

Clint wasn't frustrated. He jerked off a healthy amount, and in the time between he got to hang out with Bucky and get kissed senseless. There was really no drawback to this situation.

And sure, Clint had desires. Fantasies. There were many things he thought about while he jerked off, and quite a few of them inlvoved Bucky in different stages of nakedness and with various amounts of their naked skins touching. But he also had fantasies about a lot of people he had never had and would never have sex with, and that was fine. He was friends with Bucky, and his comfort whenever they spent time together was a lot more important than Clint's libido.

But he had wondered if maybe... If there could be a way to get more of what he wanted without pushing any of Bucky's boundaries. He already felt bad for not being able to give Bucky everything he wanted, everything that he deserved. Bucky should get to be with someone who would go on dates with him, who would kiss him in the rain and hold his hand it public, and whisper I am so glad that you're my boyfriend against his ear. After all the ways he'd been used and abused, Bucky deserved the certainty of someone who loved him in all ways, all the time.

And Clint wasn't that someone. Clint couldn't give himself to someone in that way without feeling trapped, without tainting the beauty of every gesture with his own fear of being controlled.

Asking for this, for this selfish thing that wasn't sex but was so so close, it was a dangerous thing. It felt like taking something more, and Clint had never felt like he deserved anything in his life, not most of the bad, but not really any of the good either, and he didn't want to be that person who just took and took from someone who had already lost so much, but Bucky had always told him to just ask and he had, and Bucky was still kissing him like there was no other way to say what he meant to say and-

“Okay,” Bucky panted when he finally pulled away far enough to form words. “I think I want to see that.”

And, fuck, this was definitely something that Clint had fantasized about before, that's why he brought it up, but his imagination paled before the real thing, before the livewire tension all across his body and the way Bucky looked hungry in a way he'd never had before, and then Clint was being pushed back against the pillows of the bed and Bucky was slowly peeling off his sweatpants to expose the boxers underneath and this was all too much already. Bucky looked so smug about it too, like this was a perfectly normal things for them to do, like anything below the belt wasn't an entirely new territory for them. Bucky settled cross-legged on the end of the bed opposite to Clint, and tilted his head in a sort of go-ahead gesture. There was such open curiosity in his eyes, and Clint hadn't known that that was something that did it for him, but it really, truly was.

In all of his fantasies, he hadn't had to think about how to jerk off, he'd already been doing it as he set the scene in his head. He had felt a certain thrill at the idea of being watched, but none of the nervousness that came from putting on a show. And that probably wasn't what Bucky even expected from him, but Clint still felt weird. It felt like the worst case of stage fright he'd had since his first performance in the circus when he'd been a teenager.

Clint took a deep breath. He looked up into Bucky's eyes, carefully trained on his, and slowly pulled his boxers off.

*****

Bucky could tell that Clint was nervous. He wanted to so something about it, but he had no idea how. Clint had been the one to offer this, to ask for this, and Bucky was just along for the ride. A ride he definitely thought he would enjoy, but he also couldn't be sure, and he didn't want to push Clint but didn't want to stay totally detached either and...

And Clint was now touching his dick, hand in a loose fist around it, going up and down, thumb brushing over the head to gather a few drops of precome. And he was staring at Bucky as he did all that, worrying his bottom lip and staring at Bucky like he held all of the answers in the world.

He was surprised at how big the urge to touch was. He wanted to put his mouth on Clint's and bite down, bite properly instead of whatever Clint was doing to deal with his nervousness. He wanted to put a hand in Clint's hair and lick along the side of his neck and then look down at where his hand was still moving on his cock.

But he didn't do any of that, even though he had before (except for the looking part), because if he did he might trip on his own boundaries, might trigger that trapwire inside himself that made him retreat.

So he just watched instead, held Clint's gaze when it met his.

This was a new things for the two of them, but at the same time... it wasn't. Not really. Because this wasn't about sex. Sex was something that Bucky felt totally detached from on a good day, and on a bad one it was something that made him nervous, made his stomach twist and weigh heavily.

He couldn't explain why, because he hadn't ever had a particularly bad experience with it. At least he didn't think so. (He hated that he still wasn't sure, couldn't be sure, because so many memories had been taken from him and he couldn't ever know if he had gotten all of them back.)

What he remembered, at least, wasn't bad, although it wasn't good. Bucky could see himself, another person in another time, lying in fresh grass with a girl, her perfume just heavy enough to make him slightly light-headed, to take the edge off the feeling of wrongness he was experiencing as he touched her, let her touch him. He could feel the purely physical pleasure of the act, perfunctory, but nothing else.

This thing right now with Clint was nothing like that, because it wasn't about the sex. It was about Clint and it was about pleasure, but physicality was only one tiny part of this equation.

Bucky watched Clint's hand run up hand down his cock, and he didn't wish that it was his instead, but that didn't stop him from being fascinated by the movement, by the way Clint's dick responded, hardening further, and by the quiet sounds that caught in his throat.

A thought crossed his mind, and Bucky stood up. The fact that Clint immediately stopped moving made him feel... something. It reminded him that, yeah, Clint was masturbating, but this thing still actively involved Bucky. And Bucky let himself be involved, since he ruffled through his nightstand and threw Clint a half bottle of lube. Clint's eyes widened even as he caught the bottle easily. A soldier's reflexes. “You-”

Bucky rolled his eyes.

“I don't have the same libido as you, but I've still got enough experience to know it's better when it doesn't chafe.”

“Right,” Clint replied, scratching the back of his head in an embarrassed gesture. The combination of that and his erection sticking out made him look completely ridiculous, but Bucky only smiled in endearment.

He settled back at the foot of the bed, crosses his legs and make a vague gesture with his hand.

“As you were,” he said with a smirk.

Clint stared, mouth agape. “You...” He chuckled. “You are such an asshole.”

Bucky didn't deny it, but he also noticed that Clint wasn't too bothered, pouring lube into his right hand and carefully warming it up. He looked slightly uncertain again, slowly touching his own dick. Bucky didn't say anything, but he watched. That's what Clint had asked for. That he watch.

Clint worried his lower lip and hummed in his throat as he worked up a rhythm again, and Bucky watched.

He liked Clint's hands, the calluses on his fingers, the various scars from knife fights and careless handling of arrows. He liked them for the stories they told, the one that had been erased from his own fingertips by serum and metal. It was something he kept to himself, unlike Clint who took great pleasure in telling Bucky how hot he looked and which pants he should keep wearing because they framed his thighs just right. Bucky didn't look at Clint's hands like Clint sometimes did his, with a far-away intensity in his eyes and his mouth just the slighest bit open. But that was okay.

Clint didn't look at him like he wanted to be what made Bucky happy, his everything, his forever, with a yearning to share as much of the other's life as he could. But Bucky...

Bucky looked up into Clint's eyes, scared of everything his own could say, but it felt like the other man could hardly see him, too caught up in the movement of his own hand and the sensations that ran through his body. It didn't make Bucky feel alone, though. Quite the opposite. Clint was including him in a moment that could so easily have been private and it was thrilling, it made Bucky feel powerful and wanting. Bucky could have touched, Clint probably would have liked him to touch him, and Bucky felt his arms strain towards the other man, but stayed still. This made the moment feel purer, safer, better somehow, and Bucky didn't get it, not really, but then again, there were so many things he didn't get about Clint and his relationship, this was just one more thing on the list.

Another fragile compromise, another precarious equilibrium, just like everything that had followed that fateful “Can I kiss you?” during a conversation that had felt half like a fight and also like the most comfortable Bucky had been in years, because Clint hadn't been scared of him and he hadn't been careful, and he had asked to kiss him and Bucky had said yes.

And barely seconds after their lips had touched, Clint had said “Okay, this doesn't have to go anywhere, but in case it goes anywhere, we need to set boundaries,” and Bucky had thought “I think I might love you.”

These days, he tried his best not to say it aloud, but he thought Clint still understood it sometimes, like right now when Bucky had finally reached out and kissed Clint one more, and the other man's hip had thrust up twice before he came, one hand grappling at Bucky's shoulder and gripping his shirt. He was panting into Bucky's mouth, eyes wide and a little scared, and Bucky kissed him again until Clint whined, louder than any sound he'd made as he orgasmed, and Bucky couldn't help but be selfishly pleased by that.

He felt warm and relaxed. For once, the arousal coiled in his gut didn't feel uncomfortable, there was no pressure for it to go anywhere.

He pulled away, and watched as Clint carefully got his breathing back to normal. “Thanks,” the blond said, a slightly pathetic attempt at filling the silence between them.

“You're welcome,” Bucky replied, too quiet and not snarky enough, but they both smile and pretended not to know what had been said behind the word. They didn't destroy the balance.

Clint looked at his hand and made a face, and Bucky pushed him out of bed with a laugh, telling him to clean up. He chucked off his own shirt, which was stained by Clint's come and oh, what a strange thought that was. And then he settled into bed.

He was pretty sure Clint would join him, tonight, though he didn't always. If he was lucky, they'd have breakfast the next day. He didn't expect to see much of Clint for the rest of the day after that though, but that was okay.

It was an equilibrium.

[monkeydluffy19920]

I also noticed he’s wearing the circles like Nami does. Is there a reason for those circles?

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Greetings @icantthinkof1posts and many thanks for the submission :) I’ve never paid attention to this detail while watching Heart of Gold-tv special before so thanks for pointing this out!  Now that I look at the jacket pattern it surely reminds me of Nami’s skirt and jeans’ circles and after browsing her outfit gallery in One Piece fandom wiki it seems like these circles appear in many of her outfits:

The reason how those circles ended up in Sanji’s jacket in Heart of Gold probably remains a mystery forever but it indeed is a nice detail from the perspective of shipping. However, I think it is partly a coincidence, they both enjoy fashionable clothings and maybe they like same clothing brands. An interesting topic and for example my fellow shippers @pernanegra [x] and @sanjiafsincedayone [x] have written nice thoughts about clothing related to Sanji x Nami for Sannami week- event.

But in general, it’s actually pretty interesting to notice that Sanji and Nami indeed do seem to have some similarities and/ or “parallels” when it comes down to their style and clothing. For example in the following cases there seem to be something:

Sanji’s Alabasta’s outfit

First one might be very far fetched but I admit when I first saw the desert outfit after a long while, the sun on his sleeve reminded me of the logo of the Sun Pirates and guess who was part of the Sun Pirates? Arlong and then who was working under Arlong? Nami!

It’s hard to say did Oda-sensei mean any foreshadowing in this but now to think about the connection to the Sun Pirates came up later in the story line when Jinbei revealed to be close to Arlong.

Sanji knew about Nami’s backstory because Nojiko told it to them earlier when Nami struggled to fight against Arlong’s terror. She didn’t know Sanji knows so she was probably surprised why it was difficult to Sanji to face Jinbei’s confessions.

Actually the Nami’s backstory that returned in Mermaid Island arc turned unexpectedly into a parallel at the latest in Zou arc where Nami became the one who learned about Sanji’s backstory (well there was also Brook and the others but the point is, they both know their backstories)

A bit similar pattern in shirts

Before the Strawhats arrived to Alabasta, Nami wore this colorful heart-patterned shirt and later she changes it to the black/blue bikini top. Sanji also switches his outfit in Skypiea to this red-shaded and flowery patterns too that are a bit similar to Namis (who knows, maybe the same brand?)

 Punk Hazard style

Sanji’s winter outfit after the main adventures in Punk Hazard is stylish and has Nami’s colors and those S-patters partly resemble Nami’s iconic pinwheel tattoo. Her jacket instead follows a bit of Sanji’s suit jacket style (with 6 buttons)

Of course those swirls in Sanji’s jacket and in Nami’s could also represent the symbolism behind their names. My fellow shipper @eleamaya wrote a interesting analyze about their names:  Sanji = whirlpool  // Nami = Wave both things are linked to swirls.

The swirls can also be symbolism for Sanji’s curly eyebrows and now to think about, the symbol of the Arlong Pirates reminds a bit of a whirlpool if one looks quickly.

wearing blue and orange

There are obviously dozens of outfits Nami has worn but one thing that crossed my mind after browsing the One Piece’s fan gallery was that she wears a lot of blue, either the top or the bottom part which is nice because blue is a nice color.

(and yes I am color blind, I can’t distinguish blue and purple-ish well *laughs*)

Also Sanji likes to wear blue but also he has worn a lots of shades of yellow/orange.  Shipwise this  is an interesting thing to notice because their theme colors are blue and orange. Eleamaya linked it to the colors of the sunset which has these two very colors and she also pointed out there the common link in their names (related to the element of water).

(btw @sanjiafsincedayone‘s post about orange and blue sums ups well this theme)

ties

Both Nami and Sanji have been seen wearing ties both in canon and in Color Spreads, if we return into a earlier subject, Nami wears blue again in Water 7.

Offering the suit jacket to the lady

Sanji is a gentleman so it’s natural nice gesture for him to offer his jacket. First time he offered it to Nami when they survived the ordeals in Little Garden. Nami’s reaction was annoyed.

Later he gave his jacket when they were freezing in Punk Hazard’s cold side. Then Nami’s reaction was more friendly (she seemed actually be surprised about him doing it again). This is most likely because they’ve known each other for a longer time in Punk  Hazard arc.

Number 3 in clothing

There has been great analyzes about this topic but to sum it a little bit: Oda-sensei has given each Straw Hats a “theme”number that is based on their birthday and names, Sanji’s is 3.

He has worn number 3 in his outfit in Whole Cake Island arc in flashbacks when he was a child, mostly so their father and his minions could distinguish Sanji and his siblings.  Nami as well has worn number 3 in Water 7 arc. Actually Luffy has also worn numbers in the flashback arc.  but they are linked to his own birthday as far as I remember, Nami is only strawhat who has worn numbers “just for fun” so far but correct if it’s false.

Of course it might be that since  Nami was the third one to join the Straw Hats, her number also is therefore 3 which could be the reason why Oda-sensei made her wear that in Water 7.

clothing details in official art

@sanjiafsincedayone also wrote posts about the colors blue and orange and how they appear in One Piece. Oda-sensei likes to share his official One Piece art in Color Spreads between the chapters and in art collections (Color Walks) and once these are published, we fans then enjoy to find details that match to our OTP. 

Here are some of the stylish details that has been pointed out in Sanji x Nami posts about official art:

- similar/matching accessories

One thing Sannami fandom has pondered together is that they like to wear accessories, for some reason there has been a couple of drawings where the accessories are very similar to each other

(the picture below with giraffe theme is from Color Spread chapter 357 and the picture below with similar flowery necklaces is from Color Walk 5)

(They both seem to really enjoy wearing necklaces)

(and who knows, maybe that necklace that appears in Color Walk 4 could be the same as in  chapter 357)

When it comes down to similarities, there has also been same styled wristbands in chapter 878′s Color Spread

and sunglasses in the Color Spreads of chapter 941 and 835

Sanjiafsincedayone pointed out also that Nami seems to like to wear blue colored kimonos in Color Spreads

A couple of times Sanji and Nami either wear the same patterns in their clothes (i.e chapter 507)

or one wears swirls and the other rings (Chapter 937)

- character shirts, a (far fetched) foreshadow?

In chapter 692′s color spread Sanji wears a shirt where there is a character who l1ooks very much like Nami (with all the bikini top-style and curly hair)

Nami has actually worn character shirts as well, in chapter 578′s Color Spread. If the theory would be far fetched  then we could imagine that picture in her shirt could be referred to Alabasta arc (because of the cactus and desert) where he referred himself with a codename Mr Prince.

If we wanted to put this thought of this even more trickier we would think about Sabo’s background as a noble who never wanted to be a noble and ran away, just like Sanji did so that picture on her shirt could be also a parallel

but  since  the guy looks  more like Sabo perhaps it was more likely foreshadowing to Dressrosa when the Luffy’s long lost  brother made a comeback.  

And now to think about, Nami’s outfit in chapter 771′s and 588′s  Color Spreads could have foreshadowed the upcoming art since Sanji also wore ruffle-styled shirt before the tea party? (and actually, Nami’s WCI arc dress had ruffles too).

fun fact: Robin’s outfit in that Alice in Wonderland themed Color Spread was very close to what Sanji wore in WCI)

sweet escape

The gingerbread theme in chapter 902′s color spread was cute and as a shipper the view of Sanji and Nami sharing the same pattern icing/frosting/topping is cute (there were other Straw hats too in that picture but their patterns were different).

Movie 2 Clockwork Island

Last but not least in the list is One Piece’s second official movie. Yes, it’s a movie and therefore it’s non-canon but I find it interesing that out of all outfits and characters, Nami and Sanji are dressed as they could walk to the wedding aisle any minute. What makes it even more amusing is that Usopp and Zoro are dressed more traditionally and could bless their union *laughs*

And after the Whole Cake Island’s and Thriller Bark’s events and marriage theme that is quite a parallel in total (first Nami being the damsel in distress who needs to be saved from a forced marriage and then later Sanji being forced to marry because of his father’s policies) the more funnier the link between the arcs and  movie 2 feels (since there is too Nami being kidnapped and almost forced to marry someone she doesn’t want and the movie’s promo picture includes a bridal carry)

When it comes down to the concept of the word canon, It really depends on the shipper which is counted so called shipwise-material. For some everything is potential but dor some,  only manga as canon counts and  therefore everything else like side stories (fillers, movies), merchandising (ads etc.) is shipwise just so called “nice extra” (like some of these examples mentioned before) since  these filler-stories and movies are still mostly handwritten and directed by someone else than the main mangaka. Obviously Oda-sensei is the main supervisor and is very strict about what should happen and what not and he might do these detail things just for fun and it’s us reading it as signs for OTP. So all in all, as always said,

as much as we like to seek for details to support the ship,  it’s all about interpretation ;)