#yes theres issues with the gods
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Here's the thing. Ludinus is a hypocrite. At this point he knows he a hypocrite. It's the reason he refused to engage Chetney about Molaesmyr.
Here's the thing, we need to remove "are the Gods good or bad?" Question from the table when talking about Ludinus. We have two different issues that are only connected because of his end point.
So what does Ludinus want? He wants to set Predathos free to kill the gods. How is he getting to that end goal? He's murdered hundreds, if not thousands, of fey to extend his life, he destroyed an entire city, he wrecked thousands of acres of land surrounding that city, the corruption of which is still spreading hundreds of years later, he had an anti revivify poison created, tested, and then used to kill, more than likely, more than just the Ashari around Keyleth. This is not a man you work with. Ludinus Da'leth is a problem that's needed delt with for centuries.
Deal with Ludanis, circle back to restructuring the faith of Exandria after.
Tl;Dr the ends do not justify the means. Ludinus Da'leth does not care about sentient life. He cares only about his trauma.
#ludinus da'leth#critical role#cr spoilers#like holy fuck#yes theres issues with the gods#but the answer is not Ludinus fucking Da'leth
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Ryne and Gaia are like. Such good parallels and foils to each other it makes me just a little insane.
Like Ryne is sweet and caring and she always wants to help others and make them feel better even to the detriment of herself because she has seen and known suffering and doesn't want others to have to live like that too. If she can make someones life better, even if just a little bit, then she will. But she also puts everyone elses well-being and feelings so far above her own that she often ends up trying to help in a way that doesn't actually solve anything because it still ends up with someone hurt (such as trying to properly fuse with Minfilia knowing it might end up with herself disappearing). She's not a doormat, but she does have some people-pleasing tendencies.
Gaia, however, is the exact opposite. She's prickly and sarcastic and thinks of herself and her needs first and foremost, everyone else is secondary. It's not that she's cold or uncaring, she doesn't ignore people's problems, she just doesn't see them as her business most of the time (A product of being raised in Eulemore most likely). She doesn't consider the long-term outcome of what she does or says, she lives solely in the present and the future is a problem for when it happens.
These opposite traits also play into each other. Ryne inspires Gaia to care more about others and Gaia inspires Ryne to prioritize herself more. Gaia makes Ryne live more on the moment without thinking solely of what the future will bring, and Ryne makes Gaia think more on what her life will be going forward and to actually consider what she does and says and how that affects things. They feed into each others good traits (Ryne's caring nature and Gaia's sense of self) while also helping them deal with the bad traits (Ryne's people-pleasing and Gaia's aloofness).
Their pasts are good paralells too. Ryne was isolated and lonely until Thancred took her away but even then, he was distant and emotionally neglectful, so she ended up lonely in an entirely different way. Gaia had a family and caretakers that she wasn't particularly close to, but after the 'Fairy' started talking to her they got even further away until she couldn't even remember them, and the 'Fairy' was the closest thing she had to a friend even though it was what isolated her to begin with. Ryne had constant companionship but no support, and Gaia had 'support' but no companionship.
Even just. Regarding the whole identities thing they are just. Perfect. Ryne has lived with Minfilia's shadow on her shoulder her entire life and never got to learn who she actually is. She thought that she had to become Minfilia for her life to be worth anything, that it's the only way her existance is justified. The person closest to both her and Minfilia(Thancred) indicated(in her mind at least) that he wanted Minfilia to be here in Ryne's stead(which wasn't really the case but she didn't know that). The only way to get her out of that shadow was to remove her from the identity of Minfilia, hence why her new name is so important(as well as the hair and eyes being her natural colors instead of Minfilia's all too recognizable ones).
But Gaia didn't even know about Mitron or Loghrif until Eden. She had the 'Fairy', but to her it was just some voice in her head which was nice enough to her. To her, Loghrif is just some lady Mitron loved, she has no real connection to her. She has a connection to Mitron, both as the 'Fairy' and as remnant feelings from Loghrif, but none to Loghrif herself(aside from the obvious reincarnation stuff). Gaia has always been her name. It may have been Loghrif's originally, but she is so far removed from that identity that even for all of Mitron's effort to 'return' her to Loghrif, it'd never work. Loghrif is Gaia, but Gaia is not Loghrif. Simple as that.
Eden's story works so well because Ryne and Gaia are opposites in that specific way that compliments each other, rather than pits them against each other.
#idk if this is articulated properly i just have a lot of feelings about everything all the time#yes yes its another ryne post by yours truly. i am insane about her okay#ALSO this isnt even touching on the parallels between the resolution with the unhealthy dynamic between their 'guardian's#like ryne & thancred managed to confront the source of their issues regarding each other and move past it#they had the ability to create a healthier dynamic and by god they would work to make that happrn#and they did#whereas gaia & mitron seperated and let go of each other because it was the only positice outcome they could get#gaia couldnt let mitron hang on to a dead womans ghost and mitron cant make gaia into loghrif#but unlike with thancred & ryne theres no moving past loghrifs existance and effect on their dynamic#so the only option is to let go#(mitron was also MUCH further gone in grief and longing than thancred but the point still stands)#(even if mitron had the state of mind to be like. reasonable. i dont think he & gaia shouldve stayed around each other)#anyway. eden rules i love my little lesbians thats all good day/night/whatever time it is for u everyone#ryne waters#gaia#thancred waters#minfilia warde#mitron#loghrif#final fantasy#final fantasy 14#final fantasy xiv#ff14#ffxiv#xander rambles#xander being insane about ryne
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Ouhhhh friendship I love friendship……..
#I’m reading volumes 14-16 of the ouran manga OOUGHHH MY HEART#I love this weird little friend group so much its unreal#like u have this charming sweeps you off your feet prince but he’s actually a huge lovable idiot with a kind heart and his friends#who are all misfits that he reached out to and drew in because of his kindness and own weirdness like that shits TIGHT BRO#and the trauma part where he has some deep seated issues with love bc he thinks that itll break a family apart like with his mom#how his family isnt allowed to be together because his mom and dad fell in love and how he says he wants to build a big house#so that way one day everyone will get along as a family like. all he wants is not to lose everyone and the only way to do that is#by maintaining a certain order.. he both wants a complete family so bad and doesnt want anything to sour between anyone#so he assigns each of his friends a family role based on how he sees them and YEAH its mostly played for giggles and tamakis#already weird so its his way of showing theyre close to him but. god damn this boy has LAYERS#it also feels kinda meta towards how found family tends to get thrown around to assign characters as 'siblings' or family roles instead of#using it to describe characters who are close enough to be each others family. cuz tamakis doing that EXACT THING in a way tht#ties in with his character and i have to say its fascinating using that within the story itself and its completely plausible#theres a lot of things i can say about ouran that are good bad and questionable but. god i love it when characters are niceys to each other#i remember i really liked the mall episode bc kyoya and haruhi got to spend time together and their relationship isnt very close#but it was really nice to see their personalities bounce off each other. i think i also wouldve liked to see haruhi alone with kaoru#i also firmly believe all of the hosts are at least a little in love with haruhi and this can be anything like endearing romantic cuz like#who DOESNT love haruhi. kyoya i think would want to study her under a microscope like his fascination with her draws him in#but im fucking obsessed with whatever haruhi and tamaki have going on because YES hes obsessed with her YES he jumps at the chance to#put her in a cute costume but haruhi? she just fucking goes with it because she knows hes fun to be around even if hes a little wacky abt i#theyre all so. NNGGHHHH#ouran#ohshc#yapping
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i’d get cannibalized on twitter for this opinion so i’m leaving it here, but lord if the rest of the season didn’t fully put me off this new era of doctor who, then rtd purposefully shoving eight in a dark dusty corner in favor of canonizing a random eu doctor no one knows and prioritizing war again really did it in
#this also applies to the rest of the classic doctors that got the shit end of the closeup on that little digital spinwheel#I could only see seven but there were two more after eight that you could barely see#yes I know theres rights issues with the tv movie but outright pretending he doesn’t exist beyond a glancing mention every once in a while#is getting really old#when pretty much every who fan is familiar with Paul having done big finish for twenty years#frankly it’s just irritating that war gets priority over him#and god love Richard E Grant but Paul already gets smothered by his reputation when people discuss Withnail and I#(I have to *constantly* remind people he was in it)#so it’s kind of annoying to see it happening in who too#anyway this is why I only trust big finish with my blorbos#rtd made me so mad I had to rant and that never happens lol#maggie.txt#doctor who#eighth doctor
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There is a Duckling,, LOOSE in the archives
#duck in the jarchives what delights will she bring#do not archive#my art#anyway yea i've been thinking about that tma au again#these are mostly misc goofs and gags and whatnot#but something is slowly forming in my head#anyway yea ive decided to place this circa season 3#sorry sasha better luck next time.#there;s more where this came from and i may or may not have thumbnailed. a short comic#why yes i do have tons of other shit to do i am glad you asked#no i will not prioritize the more important shit who do you think you're talking to. a functional adult? i am typing this at 4 am.#anyway i imagine martin is duck's emotional support adult. he did not ask for this and does not know how to be that but he tries#god imagine human!duck interacting with the archival team. priceless#get in loser we're going to thera- wait what the fuck thats. a child. a child is doingWhy is a child doing therapy#hey child? child you do know this is not your responsibilty right? right? Child????????????#oh my GOD the parallels.#yea this would unveil some real fucky issues in ducks sweet selfless little head#and thats not even getting into my own musings and headcanons regarding the bertha au and also yes i am integrating htat into this. somehow#theres a comic idea sitting on my brain about that too y'all something has unlocked in me but only for the purely self indulgent shit#i need horse tranquilizers i need horse tranquilizers.
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ok lets try to just fucking doodle and not feel so weird bad. lets draw some bug guys. maybe even some gay shit who knows
#have felt very like. yknow the feeling like ohhh theres something so wrong with me and then of course ye old feeling unlovable undesirable#etc etc on top of feeling pathetic for my pain issues and getting heatstroke and being like god what am i gonna do if i cant work#but whatever its fine ill be fine. im here and alive at least
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The live action Scooby-Doo movies?
I did not see this ask until RIGHT now (first time on desktop since crab day, second time since Nov 5 2020 [which was DOUBLY experience since I got my phone taken the same day]) so I'm going to assume this ask got eaten on mobile because tumblr, HOWEVER you poked a bear with this ask anon (as I'm sure you knew when asking) SO without further ado: my Scooby Doo live action opinions
So when you say 'live action Scooby-Doo movies' I'm assuming you're talking about the James Gunn films, starting with Scooby-Doo (2002) followed by Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed, just due to like, generally popularity and also the fact that I have actually seen those films. However shoot another ask if you wanted me to include Curse of the Lake Monster in this (because I will if anyone cares and turn this into a live-action scooby dissertation, i'd just need to like. watch the movie first) But anyways where I'm going with this is that this post is about the Gunn movies aka the ones with SMG, Freddie Prinze Jr., Linda Cardellini, and ofc our #1 man, Matthew Lilliard.
Okay so my take on these movies is... complicated. I wouldn't say it's as complicated as my feelings towards SDMI, because I watched the live actions way less as a kid and generally care less about them, but still no matter how much shit I throw at these two movies there are parts that I generally like (even love) that stops me from totally condemning them wholesale. Like the fact that these movies are FUNNY! There's so many moments from this duology that are just beyond iconic "like, that's one of my favorite names!" the whole thing with Scooby in the dress at the airport, ET. CETERA (like I can go on!)
The Gunn movies are genuinely SO fun and I can 100% see and understand how they've stood so well in the public view as a representation of Scooby. HOWEVER, this is where you start to see my problems with them. For the general American, (because that is the audience I'm familiar with) ESPECIALLY millennials and younger, who happen to make up the majority of both people on this site AND people I talk about Scooby with in real life, these movies, and the elements they introduced as "quintessential scooby tropes" are the base of their understanding of the Scooby franchise, along with likely some miscellaneous WAY episodes and maybe SDMI.
Which is where I get pissed off. In the pushing of the narrative of "breaking away" from the Scooby norm, Gunn basically invents (aka totally makes up) an idea of what classic era Scooby was like, cementing an idea of classic Scooby into the public mind that is totally disingenuous and just straight up false. For example, in attempting to portray Daphne as having taken strides to be seen more seriously in solving mysteries and defending herself, it pushes the narrative that in the classic era she WASN'T taken seriously, and only existed as a damsel-in-distress prop of a character, which is just not true??? Like yes, Daphne is clumsy, that's a part of her character, and her friends (because, fun fact, the gang ARE friends) joke about it sometimes because that's what friends DO. Framing that in some kind of sexist "that's all she does" lens is just total bull, especially as gang members fall into secret passageways/get lost etc. in WAY ALL THE DAMN TIME because that's how the plot functions! Like are we calling Velma ditzy for losing her glasses every other episode? Of course not, and Fred falls into passageways all the time, not to MENTION Shaggy and Scooby and all they get up to. Also one last thing on the topic of Daphne, like this idea of her mystery solving skills not being respected by the gang is just so supremely bullshit it amazes me sometimes, especially when she was the LEADER (or leader adjacent) through pretty much all of her appearances in the 1980s [Not that James Gunn could look at '80s era Scooby without spitting on it, but I digress]
AND THIS IS JUST DAPHNE! Like the perceptions pushed towards Fred (and Velma, but mostly Fred) through these movies are just as bad! Like okay, with Fred---In these movies Fred is just an asshole. I hate Gunn Movies!Fred. I mean yeah he can be funny but it's almost always so mean! Almost nothing makes me madder than a mean Fred by the way. If he's putting other gang members down (even halfway, like with his whole "dorky chicks like you turn me on too" line, which... ew) then to me something has gone very, very, VERY, wrong in your basic understanding of Frederick Herman Jones as a character. Like he's the cheerleader! He puts himself in between his friends and danger! He loves nets, and traps, and Elvis impressions, and wrestling, and the trapeze, and cars, and most of all he LOVES sharing the things he loves with his friends! (Sometimes to a bit of an extreme. No one wants to hear about your net facts, Fred) And the live action movies just don't understand that at all. And I know there's maybe something to say I suppose in that some of those aspects of his characterization hadn't been "established yet" by the time "Scooby-Doo" came out in 2002. But it's there if you look. For Fred Jones, being the leader means being the caretaker, (he's the Mom friend what can I say) and any version where he's cruel and arrogant and just DOESN'T CARE about his friends in the way he's shown to in the Gunn movies is just so far from Fred to me it's not even funny. And what makes it even worse for me is that this (or at least something similar) is the idea of Fred that has really spread to the popular culture. Just the "leader", the jock that makes the rules, the one that [insert X adaptation here] finally gave a personality and made interesting (something that has been said more times than I can count for pretty much every gang member, save Shaggy and Scooby).
And I haven't even touched on Velma, and how they gave her a bit of a early 2000s smart superiority girl complex against Daphne, plus the whole makeover thing and etc. etc. The Gunn Movies are pretty much what would happen if you took someone who hadn't seen Scooby since they were 7 years old (and honestly had a pretty negative outlook against it then) and tried to "fix" it, only his memory was so bad he just made up problems (and threw in a good helping of early 2000s style sexism with it) convincing pretty much the entirety of the popular culture that said problems exist and that Gunn was absolutely brilliant for fixing them (and then bringing up said "problems" whenever anyone wants to talk about Scooby) and this entire rant has been without even fucking MENTIONING what is probably the reason you, anonymous tumblr user sent this ask in the first place, to I, Swishy "Scrappy Doo Redemption Arc" Broke-on-books (dot tumblr dot com), which is his HIGHLY SUCESSFUL and utterly sadistic character assassination of my number one man, Scrappy Doo.
And I am going to try my damnedest here not to get totally into my highly passionate opinions over what James Gunn did to Scrappy in the first of his Scooby movies and how thoroughly it has pissed me the fuck off because I have been writing this post for over an hour now and if we start to really get into my feelings on this topic it will certainly be a couple of hours more but like. That Fucking Bitch. I give James Gunn personally a solid eighty-five percent of the blame for making my life as a Scrappy Doo fan UTTERLY unbearable with this stupid fucking movie alone, and just his Scrappy crimes would honestly be enough for me to say that I hate this movie, not even considering the numerous Scooby crimes I've been talking about here for the past million paragraphs, but the part about this movie that makes me the MOST mad the most pissed off is that it's actually a good fucking movie. James Gunn wrote two hilarious and entertaining movies that have become beloved in the popular culture for their successes in that arena, while at the same time pissing all over the core themes and messages of the franchise of which it was based, that of friendship.
TLDR; The Live Action Scooby Doo movies (written by James Gunn) are highly entertaining and fun pieces of media to watch, and are widely loved by the general public and looked at with fondness and nostalgia because of that. However, as a hardcore Scooby Doo fan (writing that phrase sounds so ridiculous but oh well) the existence of these movies and their impact on the popular culture can be extremely frustrating (despite any personal nostalgia said fan may have) due to their spreading of a misinformed picture of what "typical Scooby Doo" looks like. This picture is especially frustrating due to the fabrication or exaggeration of problems present in classic Scooby (such as sexism in regards to the girls), as well as giving more ammunition to other problems in Scooby fandom (such as oversexualization, and sexualization in general, which no one wants to see in regards to their children's cartoons, like HONESTLY.) Discussions of sexism and sexualization in Scooby (both of which ARE present and are issues, although not at their worst in WAY) can often lead to an overlooking of the issues that are very present and clear in WAY and have continued since then with far too little resistance (I'm 100% talking about the racism here) HOWEVER that topic deserves at least a dozen posts of its own that I am no way informed or qualified enough to even begin to think about writing. The Gunn Movies are frustrating to many longtime Scooby fans because of these reasons, but for me, and fellow Scrappy Doo fans there is also the added aspect of the demonization of Scrappy Doo in the live action movies and the affects that has had on the popular culture as well, making it uniquely inhospitable to like or enjoy the character of Scrappy. End post.
#that last sentence is such a weird tone jump btw but its because the topic flowed one way and i had to jump it back to a summary to actually#finish this monster of a post#SO anon i hope you're happy with this and this makes my opinion make some more sense. and you or anyone else is more than welcome to ask me#questions about anything i said here or my opinion on any and everything scooby related (and not) so if theres a specific aspect of this yo#would like expanded on i can definitely 100% do that for you or anyone who cares#also there are many complexities towards my feelings on these movies that i didnt get to hit on despite the monstrous size of this rant (il#check word count later but im not gonna fuck with it now because im terrified of deleting this post by accident) one of which is my lasting#fondness towards all of the actors in this movie. YES including freddie prinze jr. i may have major issues with his fred but hes also playe#characters i really really like. for example hes the va in this tv show i LOVE and havent watched in like 10 months despite the fact im on#the last season because freddie's character dies in like 7 episodes and i am NOT AT ALL emotionally prepared for that on any level because#that is my fictional father goddamnit!!!!!#also every buffy the vampire slayer gifset that crosses my dash gets me closer and closer to watching it because oh my god daphne!!!!! that#sarah michelle gellar thats daphne oh my god!!!! also i went and saw guardians of the galaxy 3 with my friend (despite not having seen a#marvel movie in 2+ years AND holding a grudge over james gunn's scooby doo crimes)[the things you do for {platonic} love amirite?]#and the title sequence SAID linda cardellini was in it and i got SO excited i was looking everywhere for her it was like wheres waldo in th#discount movie theatre FOR REAL and i just could NOT for the life of me find her (turns out she was VAing the ferret) so in a way linda mad#me cry with that role. whatever. istg i get so off topic i forget what i was even talking about but ANYWAYS <<<1 of my fave english words b#dubs (my favorite spanish word is el amanacer btw. it means sunrise. also burbujas because its bubbles and saying it sounds like bubbles#popping) BUT. AS I WAS SAYING. SEND ME ASKS IF YOU WANT SCOOBY DOO OPINIONS. DEAR GOD I GET SCATTERBRAINED SOMETIMES.#scooby doo#answered#anonymous#blah
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i made an oc thats at least nicknamed "Stupid" and im constantly thinking about what a power move that is tbh
#toy txt post#i miss it i should play w her more often but it was going to be for a dnd thing that ive all but abandonded bc i feel like#i cant. do that but it sucks bc i had some cool fun concepts and characters but it was hard enough back then when i was just insecure and#knew nothing about dnd and was intimidated by the mechanics but wanted to try dming for some reason but now i just straight up dont know#what to do but i really enjoy those characters. i should just unlock the secret channelsand scrap the dnd game idea for now and keep the#concepts and im sure i could come up w something if i ever actually learned anything about that shit#anyway. my point being. im obsessed w my character i made up and you should be too cos its good shit#toxic anarchist half dragon demigod with authority issues whos an alloaro clown named Stupid Cupid.#i think her pronouns were whatever but also it/she? when i say toxic i mean it did have a bit of a Clown Cult.#Cupid i think is possibly its given name and Stupid was her clown ass addition and yes i do know of the song and yes it is on its playlist#obsessed w all the stupid overpowered characters i made in that universe. they were such good concepts. gulliver obviously. charybdis#silas (cupids father + previous (now deceased) god of chaos)#cupids mother who i dont think i had a name for yet but she was supposed to be kind of a neutral lawful (in a rules lawyering way)#moon paladin who hatefucked the god of chaos after failing to kill him which she was trying to do out of devotion to the moon#and she supposed to have what i can only describe as chainsaw powers? and she destroyed every gun in existence and killed anyone who knew#how to make them until there were no guns left bc silas kept being annoying w guns and was trying to use them on the moon. for reasons#so she really pissed him off and impressed him before she finally got to him and tried to kill him. and if she was even a minor god instead#of a 'mortal' it wouldve worked and thats the only reason he didnt die from her. and then her child. stupid cupid the clown#grew up and had issues and started a clown cult and wandered around usurping warlords and dictators before putting her aim on silas#and trying to kill him. but failing not bc she was mortal but bc he outsmarted it. but he couldbt bring himself to kill it so he had her#put to sleep for a thousand yrs until someone else killed him(he pissed off a stupid seagull druid who lured him into the path of Charybdis#who he'd ALSO pissed off and Charybdis mega killed him and then the gull druid was made the new god of chaos just to have someone fill the#roll but then they kind of suck at it? they did not want that much responsibility altho the immortality is nice. when they took over they#released cupid whos a bit of a legend but then the vibes are super weird bc cupid Definitely wants to usurp and take on the mantle of#chaos deity and gulliver idolizes her but doesnt feel great about just handing that over to it? and cupid has to grapple with not being the#one to kill silas. almost everyone she knew is dead. her mom isnt. the world has changed a lot. she finds out her cult is still going and#gets excited? but they have Changed. it disgusts her now. they are not the radical clowns she intended. the vibes are weird. she denounces#that and tries out piracy. she manages to get the moon paladin living chainsaw power?#despite not being aligned w their ideology at all. wow nepotism. then it was going to spiral into some fucking meta galactic shit and have#well. ran out of tags. anyway i miss this character i should figure out what im doing w this universe cos theres no way im dming rn 🙃
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on todays episode of "mental health issues that could easily be solved by one single thing that i dont have", GET A MICROWAVE!!!
i just know SO many of my eating related issues (not all obviously but a LOT of them) would be solved if this house just had a goddamn microwave
today i ate like... 1/4th of those small frozen pizzas, 1/3rd of a grilled cheese, and 1/3rd bowl of macaroni and meatballs. and yall wanna know why i didnt eat the whole thing of any of them? its cause my stupid adhd ass took too long to eat and the food got cold. and then i Cannot Eat That anymore. so even though i was still hungry i didnt eat the rest of it and just went back to rotting on youtube shorts and being too hungry to do anything and feeling dumb and unproductive and being guilty of making food that i dont eat. just... feeling like a big ol' waste
but the thing is, if i just
✨owned a microwave✨
i could just reheat the motherfucking food and still eat it and not feel like ive wasted that food. ((because since that food is wasted i feel guilty about making it, so i dont make any more food until next meal time, but then i didnt finish that either cause im stupid and eat too slow.))
but we dont have a microwave. only an oven. and yeah maybe i couldve reheated the 3/4th pizza or the grilled cheese in the oven, but then again the oven uses a lot of electricity. and my mom is always complaining that i turn the oven on, forget that its on for a while, and that im wasting electricity. and i was too tired and hungry to deal with that possibility. plus with the oven theres a chance i forget it too long or have it too hot and burn the food and that would just make me feel worse
but we dont have a microwave, because my mom thinks having a microwave leads to "eating more unhealthy foods that you just heat up" instead of "real food". so i didnt reheat any of my food. so i didnt eat it. it got to the point where it got cold and gross so i just threw it in the trash and hope my mom or grandma doesnt notice.
but if i had a microwave, i couldve reheated that food. and i couldve eaten it. ((and yeah, maybe i wouldnt have ate the whole thing, but maybe half at least? that counts right? well it dont really matter if it counts or not cause it didnt happen.))
and then maybe i wouldnt have been feeling like im gonna faint the whole day and maybe i wouldve gotten literally anything done instead of just scrolling on pinterest and youtube shorts for hours and feeling worthless. and maybe if i ate i wouldnt have hurt myself today
but nope. no microwave. it leads to "unhealthy" habits. i guess not eating enough to count as even ONE full meal is healthier since its not "microwave food"
thanks mom
#tw eating issues#tw self harm#btw to my irl friends. if you see this no you did not#sorry honey if you see this. cause i know you like my mom and think shes really nice#which she is!! most of the time aha#the hurting myself happened bc i usually have sprinkled cheese on my macaroni and meatballs#but i used all the cheese in the sandwich that i binned#which made me feel like such a fucking idiot and a waste#so i started crying#and i took the metal lid from the boiling macaroni pot and pressed it to me leg for like 10 seconds straight#fun fact: im really good at muffling any sound when im in pain. haha#it didnt feel like enough though. my knife drawer had stuff infront of it but theres a loose screw on my table#so i ripped that across my skin a couple times#some blood came out but not “enough” pain#so then i had the very strong urge to hurt MORE#and intrusively imagined what id be like to take a knife and drive it into my stomach#which was a little shocking cause i havent had THAT thought in a while#AND THEN i remembered i have my swedish final on monday and i have to make a speech and i havent even chosen a topic yet#and that ill have to meet the swedish teacher that is the reason for the only times i have ever cried or cut at school#and then i had another like... daydream hallucination thing about telling my asshole swedish teacher#that the reason i dont have a speech is cause i realised id see him on monday and wanted to kms :3#kinda still feel like cutting and i scratched myself with the sharp screw a bit more but at least venting about this helped a little#yall if i look my teacher in the eyes and tell him he makes me want to kms and that his behavior and attitude HAS made me cut myself#and that i pray to god he treats his own children better than he treats his students#think hed let me skip the test? yes or no?#god i feel so dizzy rn#but i dont wanna make more food and have to throw it away. i wish we had snacks in this house#wish’s whispers#personal vent#this was a lot of tags aha
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i keep trying to want to play starfield but the main plot has so profoundly failed to convince me to buy into it. and im not a guy who needs a lot of convincing.
#skyrim: dragons are back and they will kill people if you dont do something!#me: got it. i care about this plot. that is a clear danger.#fallout 4: the world ended and your baby was kidnapped! go find him!!#me: yes absolutely. that is something i can easily imagine my character as motivated to do. i want to protect this baby.#starfield: euuuuugh uh. you touched a rock and saw stars. fly across the galaxy and join this group of explorers now.#me: w. why?? it isnt like im suffering any ill effects from touching the rock so they cant help me. i dont care abt exploring the universe#i havent been GIVEN a reason to care. theres no stakes. im just being told to do something. fallout 3 had the same issue.#except at least in fallout 3 its your fake dad and i can imagine my character caring about him.#in starfield it is literally just being told what to do and being given no reason for doing it. and this is supposed to be a game#about exploration. yet the player isnt given any autonomy or anything.#its not even like barrett is like 'i have to stay here can you please go TELL constellation about this rock'#its. nope you have to join them and do what they say. why? fuck you.#i want to like it i really do but. god.#carly.txt
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Another kirby oc 😨
Feel free to ask him stuff in the ask box if you want to know stuff about him!!!
Hes Chaos frienemy
#kirby oc#kirby ocs#kirby original character#oc#ocs#kirby askblog#kirby#NEPTUNE🌊#that will be his tag#please ask stuff#but ure not obligated#me? making another oc? nahhhh#actually yes#plus theres Allll the non kirby ocs i have yet to share#i just really like making ocs okay#i hope its not an issue#NEPTUNE IS THE GOD OF WATER AND STUFF if it wasnt obvious
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#im probably gonna be spending a lot of my life mourning my sisters and my relationship#we were so close but now we dont really talk outside of gatherings#i dunno#we're both living our own lives and it takes two to be distant#theres a lot of things i hate about her and its probably mostly stuff that hits my own insecurities#i used to come to her with all kinds of things#now its like she doesnt respond to my lil reachings out so like i dunno#we work for the same fucking college for fucks sake#im prolly always gonna resent her for applying and moving here without telling me and just having me hear second hand#like yes im not blameless but also like fuck her#i continue to prove i dont need her but also i miss her#we only hurt each other when we do talk#the fact my old coworker reminded me of her so much was probably part of why i hated her so bad#fuck people who think theyre better than me (read people i think are better than me)#my mom called today and thats whats got me thinking like this#im great#people love me#im loved#honestly my familys where i get all my abandonment issues#im better off without all of them but by god if thats gonna stop me from like feeling the ache of their absence like a phantom limb
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the way i have absolutely no business being the way i am
#horse.txt#vent //#sort of. too high to be sad abt it im in anthropology mode and listening to music that makes me feel sexy so its fine yk#anyway i typed a whole bunch of other tags talking abt how and why i feel this way by going through a few of the events i can remember#from my childhood that Might explain why im so emotionally guarded and struggle to open up anymore.#bc i Wanted to say they all felt dumb and juvenile esp since ive actually like#made peace with most of the ppl who were involved with them#but the Anthropology mode was just tearing it all down as i typed it bc that Is just a ridiculous way to look at it no matter how you cut it#doesn't matter that nobody involved really Meant to deal that kind of harm and i dont need to hate or blame anyone in order to acknowledge#that it still just Happened. like thats a Memory already babe no do overs.#which is kind of just accidental therapy so sick. love that fir me genuinely!#but also yes theres the bitch part of me that still wants to discredit it bc acknowledging that it happened =/= Fixing My Issues#so im still at square one technically. ive just been pacing in circles on it for a while ig#EVEN WORSE that the Scale of my issues is so incredibly mundane compared to so many of the people i seem to meet.#sitting in bed crying abt not having friends for a few days in elementary school when other ppl have jojos bizarre adventure levels of Lore#i know im not technically invalid for feeling the way i do or anything but god. if it doesn't feel fucking Embarrassing to open up about😭#its impossible NOT to feel stupid and sensitive for having these first world ass problems. And letting them hold me back#bc ppl not liking me for any reason makes me sooooooooo fucking scared So fucking scared its not even funny 😝#at least. ppl in my Circles. im pretty ok about being assertive with randos#still some work to be done on it but its better than whatevers going on with my personal relationships rn#sincerely to my mutuals and loved ones who see this i swear to GOD i love you so so so fucking much and im so. im trying to figure out this#the stuff thats got me so distant and bad at keeping in touch. its a whole slew of feelings about how i see Myself--not yall#i double pinky promise cross my heart im extremely serious#thank you for being patient with me you mean more to me than im capable of putting into words right now#alright theres a shot of tears in the hollow of my collar bone time to wrap up this post#daily reminder that i love body hair. there's some honesty.#😎😎😎💪💪💪#the Quaritch under the cut is just to make me feel better bc i love him and i think hes so pretty. hes like a security blanket
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Whumptober day 4 prompt: Shock | "You in there?"
Characters: Satan, Alerik
Within the depths of a dark cave lay a man hunched over, clutching at the cave's rocky floor, grabbing fistful of dirt and stones. An excruciating pain envelops his entire body, one he is all too familiar with, though he could numb such a pain back then, he couldn't now. Not when all of his powers are sealed.
He took slow, deep breaths through his gritted teeth. Eyes shut and beads of sweat forming on his forehead. The pain grew bearable as time passed, just as it always had. With a huff, the man leaned on the wall behind him.
Satan, that was the name he was known for. He quite likes it, it was like a trophy, a medal of recognition he wears on his neck to show off, one that can easily open deep wounds etched on the Celestials' souls. Forever reminding them of a being that nearly destroyed their beloved Worlds, and the Universe itself.
A small grin formed across his face at the recollection. Although he didn't succeed, he was satisfied with the aftermath of it. He let out a quiet chuckle as he remembered the faces of the Celestials back at the Empyreal Court. It was all full of scorn, hatred, and rage.
Pathetic, all of them were. Even more so was that naive Goddess. Stupid, head full of nothing but cotton and rainbows, how ridiculous of her to think she can change him. Although, it was a pity he couldn't see everyone's reaction to his disappearance from that prison.
In fact, had it not been for his current condition, he would've went back to that Goddess to mock her, that everything she did was all in vain. Despite his escape though, it doesn't change much of his situation. They will find him again, more easily now that his powers are sealed.
Satan huffed as he forcefully stood, clutching at the wall he's been leaning on, powers sealed or not, that doesn't mean he'll go without a fight, no matter who his opponent may be.
Just as Satan took a step forward, he heard the sound of footsteps that drew closer to his location.
“You in there?” A man's voice echoed from the pathway near him, it was a voice he was unfamiliar with.
Satan gritted his teeth as he stood straighter with his guard up. He kept his gaze locked onto the pathway, despite the darkness of the cave, he can see well nonetheless. Though his powers were sealed, his senses remained sharp still.
The man soon reached Satan's line of sight, long silver hair tied in a ponytail and eyes glittering like gold, he looks like any other God one might encounter. But there was something strange about him either way.
He smiled softly, it made Satan's blood boil, “I was gonna start the conversation with a how are you but… It seems I already have my answer to that.”
Satan clicked his tongue, “Just shut it if you're here to capture me.” He smirked, gaze sharp and deadly, “But know it won't be easy.”
The man chuckled, “I don't mind a chase but I'd rather not attract the attention of the others. They're already stressed out as it is.”
“Haaah? What? Are you another one like that braindead Goddess? Gonna preach about goodness to me too? Give a lousy spiel how I didn't choose to be created like this? Fuck off with that bullshit.”
Despite the mockery Satan spat at him, the man merely nodded, “It seems that you're feeling better now, that's good.”
“What are you—” It was then that Satan noticed the pain subsiding, as if it wasn't there bothering him moments ago. But how?
No matter what he did, he couldn't get rid of it at all, he had to use magic to numb it. Not even the Celestials he controlled back then could do anything, so how?
Satan glared daggers at the man with his teeth bared as a new sense of alarm washed over him, “You… ”
The man's soft smile stayed, never once wavering, “Let's continue this elsewhere, hm?”
#ariawrites#whumptober 2023#ariaoc#ariaoc: Satan#ariaoc: Alerik#whumptober day 4 prompt#yea the 2nd man is named alerik#just couldnt get it in the snippet cuz thatll require a scene change and more words#adding his name at the top either way#yes i have an oc named satan but wait theres more! (i have the seven deadly demons too cant have satan without the rest of em)#i tried my hardest to cut this snippet as much as possible#from nearly 800 words to 692... still a lil too over 500 but good enough#what made this lengthier is the fact that its set in a fantasy world and i needed some context for everyone (and myself)#not adding ages cuz these two mfs old#well satan isnt that old during this actually hes just around 111 years old#compared to everyone else hes practically a baby. imagine a baby nearly destroyed the world. god the skill issue on that smh#<- saying that as if i didnt create em all i can see alerik sighing at me
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I just realized I haven't read a single romance novel this year that didn't have a third act breakup
I am begging for different stakes please
#im not absolutely anti-third act breakup#I've read and written plenty#and there's a lot that i love i just.#it would be nice to see them face conflict together vs facing it separately then coming back together after the fact#always with the 'this is just too hard :(' YOU ARE ACTIVELY MAKING IT HARD#YOU ARE NOT TALKING TO YOUR PARTNER OR YOURE FOCUSING ON OLD SHIT OR YOU'RE SELF SABATOGING#STOP IT#'oh he probably thinks' ASK HIM. 'well when we started fake dating we swore-' SHIT CHANGES. TELL HIM.#'our differences-' TALK ABOUT THEM. FIGURE OUT IF ITS ACTUALLY A DEAL BREAKER#and if it is fine but for chrissake dont decide two days later that actually. its not. STOP#you know what i think my issue with third act breakups is so many of them stem from miscommunication#or just straight up Not Talking To Each Other#and thats the shit that bugs me#AGAIN theres some that i still love no matter what#but goddamn#the fuckin. 'i broke up with you because i decided in my head that you dont actually love me despite all the evidence to the contrary'#HELLO???#'youre better off without me 😭🤧' you know what bitch i sure am. STOP DOING THIS SHIT#YES I KNOW IM GUILTY OF WRITING EXACTLY THIS TYPE OF SHIT and also doing it for real myself BUT GOD#fuck man maybe that's part of it too. i AM a self sabotaging piece of shit i know how it fuckin goes.#maybe i want to see people be better than me#i know exactly how the fuckin spiral works. WALK AWAY FROM IT.#idk man its almost 3 am and im having thoughts#oh also for the record ive read books that aren't romance novels this year#when i say different stakes i mean i want my romance novels to have different stakes#sci-fi punching holes through space is a totally different thing#actually some people didnt like it because the crew relationships had actual communication and understanding#so 'there was no tension' the tension is we're in space. we were attacked my space pirates. dude got arrested.#we almost got blown the fuck up. 'the crew didnt fight amongst themselves enough' no they approached and resolved conflicts#from a place of compassion and understanding.
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im months late but people are calling handmaiden nothing but male gaze fetishization of lesbians and I just want to talk with a brick.
#GOD LIKE#oh the youtuber complains about all the intricate class stuff in the original beign discarded for men and like#NOT ONE WORD MENTION OF IT BEING ABOUT KOREAN UNDER JAPANESE COLONIZATION#nOT ONE WORD ABOUT THOSE DYNAMICs#or any actual discussion about how blue is the warmest color is actually like a discussion on class and to a lesser extent race#and queer bourgeoisity#like i do agree theres a lot gross about that film but there's also so much more to it#and i cant help think that like a lot of the issues with this discussion is that there's absolutely no actual analysis outside of gender#and sexuality#and that's where it suffers#yes im a man who likes these films and that's because I love the complexity#you try dating a lesbian who was in a different ethnic and class bracket than you'd absolutely adore blue too
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