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sillylittlespam · 10 days ago

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ISN’T IT DELICATE?

if you’re new to this series, please check out the master list, as it has the summary + previous chapters!

Delicate Masterlist

Chapter Two : The Vulture

riordanverse characters x brooklyn 99 au!

detective!percy jackson x detective!y/n

. : 𓏲🐋 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖✩࿐࿔ 🌊

“Jackson, where are we on the Lincoln Place murder?” Jason Grace asked as he read from his file.

“Well, like I told Captain Ramírez-Arellano earlier this week,” Percy spoke from his seat in the briefing room, “We are at the one-yard line! It’s a football reference.”

“Yes, Percy. I played linebacker in college,” Jason was unamused, similar to the rest of the room.

“In high school I was the football team’s waterboy,” Leo Valdez announced with far too much confidence.

“You really wanna be bragging about that?” Percy asked, a smile on his face that was not entirely mocking.

“Jackson, you want to loop everyone in?” Their captain asked from her corner of the room. Her arms were crossed, and her face was…unreadable.

At the seriousness in her voice, Percy let out a small sigh as he stood and made his way to the front, “Get ready for some stuff on a screen.”

As he passed (y/n)’s seat, he ruffled her hair, not enough to actually mess it up, but enough to annoy her. The glare he received from her let him know he did his job.

“Meet Chad Brunner,” Percy’s tone held false enthusiasm as he clicked through the slideshow, “Prominent citizen, lawyer, corpse. Now meet his wife, Leslie Dodds. She did not take his last name, but I believe she did take his life.”

His weatherman-esque tone earned him a few smiles from his audience.

“Nice,” Grover and Annabeth said in unison.

“Thank you, friends,” Percy pointed at them, the slightest smirk on his face, “Now, Dodds had means, motive, and opportunity.”

“So why’s the case still ongoing?” (y/n) asked, her arms crossed as she leaned back in her chair.

“Because, impatient co-worker,” Percy turned to speak directly to her, “I just need to find the murder weapon.”

“Yes, let’s save questions until the end,” Reyna announced. Percy shot (y/n) a victorious smirk which normally would’ve made her scowl, but this time all she could think about was how Percy’s green shirt really made his eyes stand out.

“For some reason, the D.A. won’t move forward with the arrest until we find the knife she used,” Percy said, addressing the whole room.

“Is that reason that they want to win the case?” One could almost detect a hint of humor in Reyna’s voice.

“Yes, and please save all questions until the end,” Percy went silent for a few moments after the words left his mouth, “Okay, I’m done.”

“Well, find the murder weapon,” Reyna ordered, “The family’s close to the mayor, and I’m starting to catch heat from the higher-ups. Jackson, I’m going to ask you again. Do you need any resources or personnel?”

“No, ma’am, I’ve got it,” Percy insisted.

“Okay,” Reyna said, “Dismissed. Sergeants, a word?”

The majority of the precinct return to their desks, with the exception of a few.

“Okay, how can we help?” (y/n) asked, crossing her arms as she, Annabeth, Piper, and Clarisse approached Percy’s desk.

“What do you need, Perce?” Annabeth asked.

“I need nothing,” Percy didn’t look up from his case file as he spoke, “I’m about to solve this case, meet the mayor, and sell my life rights to Logan Lerman so he can play my less attractive brother in the ensuing film,” he finally looked up, placing the file on his desk.

“C’mon, Jackson, Captain said to use the whole team,” Piper reminded him, picking up the case file to skim it.

“We all want this solved,” Percy was surprised Clarisse was on their side for this.

“I appreciate the offer,” Percy said, snatching the file back from Piper, “But I work alone.”

“Will you just let us help, Seaweed Brain?” Annabeth snapped, starting to get annoyed.

Percy fell silent as Annabeth stared him down. After a considerable amount of awkward silence, the green eyed man smiled. It was a smile that let everyone around him know that whatever he was about to say was not going to be helpful.

“Okay, fine,” his decided, his smirk widening, “I will let two of you help me. Grover and…. (y/n)!”

“Yeah!” Grover celebrated from his desk.

“What?” (y/n), however, was confused. She watched Percy’s expression as if she were expecting some sort of punchline.

“I’m choosing these two because Grover is the least likely to steal my thunder, and I want (y/n) to be there when I solve the case so I can rub it in her face!” Percy tilted his head, thoughtfully, “I didn’t mean for that to rhyme but I feel like it gets my point across.”

While (y/n) stared at him with her eyes narrowed, the three other girls shared a look behind her. Percy noticed this and sat up straighter in his chair, his grin faltering. His eyes flickered between the three girls, and he seemed almost nervous, “What?”

(y/n), in turn, turned around to cast her own confused look. Meanwhile, Clarisse, Annabeth, and Piper gave their own forms of shrugging the two off.

“Nothing.”

“Not a thing.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Any trace of humor disappeared from (y/n)’s face as she examined the girls behind her, and after a moment of awkward silence she muttered, “I’ll get the car.”

After an afternoon wasted on interviewing those who resided in the victim’s apartment building, Percy, (y/n), and Grover retreated back to the police car. It wasn’t until Percy was behind the wheel and the car was on the road that his cell phone began ringing.

“Oh, shit,” he muttered, his eyes quickly glancing down to where it rested in the cupholder, “(y/n), can you get that?”

Instead of answering, (y/n), who sat in the passenger seat, picked up the phone and pressed the accept button before bringing it to her ear.

“Hello?” she did her best to keep her voice somewhat pleasant.

“Seaw- (y/n)? Why do you have Percy’s phone?” The voice of Annabeth Chase filled her ear.

“He’s driving. I can put you on speaker.”

“Thank you!”

Once the phone was on speakerphone, Annabeth continued talking.

“So, I looked at the photos of your victim that you left out on your disgustingly disorganized desk-“

“First of all, stop snooping,” Percy cut her off, a frown on his face as he kept his attention on the road, “Second of all, don’t be mean, I’m-“

“-organized in your own way, yeah, whatever,” (y/n) smiled at the attitude that was prevalent in Annabeth’s voice.

“Don’t encourage her,” Percy turned to (y/n) with a sort of over-exaggerated hurt expression.

“Let her finish, and keep your eyes on the road,” she snapped, only somewhat seriously, “Keep going, Chase.”

“Thank you, my beautiful (y/n). Anyway, the puncture wounds are similar to a case Piper and I had a while back. They aren’t from a knife. We think it’s something spiral, like a corkscrew.”

The car fell silent for a moment, the sound of the engine filling the quiet.

“Shit,” Grover muttered from the backseat, reminding the others of his presence, “A knife of bad enough, but imagine you get stabbed with a corkscrew.”

(y/n) couldn’t help but agree.

“Thank you, Wise Girl, that was actually very helpful,” Percy was thinking too hard to include any sass in his tone, “We’re on our way back to the precinct right now, we should be there in less than ten.”

“If we make it,” (y/n) muttered, earning a loud laugh from the woman on the phone.

“I am not a bad driver!” Percy insisted, his head whipping around to glare at the woman before remembering where his attention was supposed to be.

“Uh oh, guys,” Annabeth’s voice had a tone of seriousness that made them fall silent, “Make sure not to crash, but get back here soon.”

When the detectives finally arrived back at the police station, Percy made a beeline to Annabeth, who in turn directed their attention to Percy’s desk. A man sat in Percy’s chair, with his boots propped up on the mess on the desk, and a hand ran lazily through his blond hair.

“Oh, hello, Jackson,” Octavian Alexander geeeted the green eyed man.

Percy let out a groan, “No, no, no.”

“I don’t know why you’re so upset, man,” Octavian said as Percy practically stomped his way across the precinct to the captain’s office, “I’m the one who had to come to this backwater stink hole.”

Grover and (y/n) trailed behind him, one of them more eagerly so.

“What’s up, little man?” Octavian gave Grover a bro nod, who ignored it.

As (y/n) walked by him, she kept her eyes ahead, taking care not to even glance at the blond demon man.

“Hey, (y/n)!” Octavian called, “How ‘bout you finally ditch these losers and go out to dinner with me?”

(y/n) stopped at Reyna’s door, and turned around to finally face the Vulture. She opened her mouth to shoot back a really good insult, but before she could, she felt a strong hand wrap around her forearm and yank pull her inside. Once Percy Jackson had closed the office door and shut the blinds on the window, he pulled led (y/n) over to where Grover stood in front of Reyna Ramírez-Arellano’s desk.

“Captain, please, please, pretty please do not let him take over my case,” Percy practically begged to the stone cold woman in front of him, seemingly unaware that his hand remained wrapped around (y/n)’s arm.

“Major Crimes is stepping in. Nothing I can do,” Reyna shrugged, “You’re off the case. All of you.”

“I can’t believe you’re just rolling over and giving my murder away to the Vulture!” (y/n) winced as Percy’s grip on her tightened with his words.

“We call him the Vulture because he swoops in and solves cases that are almost solved and takes the credit for himself,” Grover explained both to Reyna and (y/n).

“Yes, Grover, I’ve met him before and I’m sure the Captain was able to figure that out,” (y/n) said, finally pulling her arm out of Percy’s grasp.

“You are correct,” Reyna nodded at (y/n)’s words before continuing, “First of all, Major Crimes has jurisdiction over any and all cases they want to take. But more importantly,” she took a moment to point her pen at Percy, “You’re the one who insisted on working alone. I told you for weeks to use the squad, and you refused.”

“I used them,” Percy insisted, yet his tone was much weaker, “Annabeth and Piper are the ones who figured out the corkscrew, (y/n) helped navigate us to the apartment, and Grover beat my high score in Block Blast!”

“Congratulations, Detective Underwood,” Reyna’s tone had the faintest trace of sarcasm before she turned back to Percy, “You should’ve involved them sooner. Turn over your files to Detective Alexander.”

“Ma’am, can you call him the Vulture?” Grover asked, “Giving him a name makes him human.”

“Turn over the files,” Reyna repeated, adding a pause between every word to emphasize her seriousness.

“Fine,” Percy sighed. Grover left the room, followed by Percy and-

“Detective (l/n),” the sound of Reyna’s voice caused the two other detectives to stop in their tracks, “We need to have a talk.”

“About what?” asked the detective that definitely was not (y/n). Percy’s face was filled with confusion and worry.

“Detective (l/n) is going to find out,” Reyna said, her dark eyes staring holes into Percy’s green ones, “Now, unless you’ve recently filed for a name change, Detective Jackson, please close the door on your way out.”

“She’s not in trouble, is she?” Percy looked more serious than (y/n) had ever seen him, his eyes flickering between her and the Captain. A wave of confusion passed over her. Why did he care so much?

“Jackson,” Reyna’s tone was dead serious. This was his last warning.

“Yeah, yeah, close the door. I got you,” his eyes never left (y/n)’s until the dark wood of the door replaced her sight of them.

Finally alone with the captain, (y/n) let out a long exhale to help settle her nerves, “What do we need to talk about, Captain?”

As Percy packed up the various paperwork and evidence that belonged to his stolen case, his mind remained in that closed office. He had shut the blinds when they first went in, and they remained closed. There goes his chance of having Nico lip read the captain’s conversation.

Stupid Percy and his stupid need for privacy.

He hadn’t the faintest clue of what could be going on in there, and from the looks of it, (y/n) didn’t either. He hoped that she would tell him what happened when she finally got out.

“You know, before I solve this case,” the aggravating voice of Octavian Alexander, otherwise known as the Vulture, interrupted Percy’s worrying, “I’d like to thank you for doing all the super-easy work. You know, the real Nancy Drew level stuff.”

“Oh yeah? Did Nancy Drew solve a lot of murders?” Percy asked, only allowing the Vulture half of his attention as his eyes remained in the closed windows.

“Yeah, she did!” Grover exclaimed. Percy loved his best friend, but he had to admit that he paid no attention whatsoever to the little ramble he went on following those words.

“Hey!” the Vulture raised his voice as he noticed that he was losing the attention of those he was trying to instigate, “Should we take odds on how fast I’ll solve this case?”

“Nope.”

“No.”

“Absolutely not.”

“I mean, what was it with La Rue’s last “impossible” extortion case?” the blond devil asked, using air quotes with his fingers to further annoy the detectives, “What was it, six hours?”

Clarisse, who had been leaning against the side of her desk, eavesdropping, rolled her eyes, “That’s because it was 98% solved.”

“The last 2% is the hardest to get,” Octavian leaned towards her, his pale blue eyes narrowing, “That’s why they leave it in the milk.”

“What?” Percy shook his head. How the hell did this idiot outrank him?

“Oh, wow,” the Vulture’s attention was now focused on something behind Percy, “Looking good, (l/n).”

Percy’s head whipped around. He had been too caught up in Octavian’s idiocracy that he hadn’t noticed the captain’s door open.

“Go rot in hell,” (y/n)’s tone was casual despite the content of her words as she approached Percy, “I have the last file.”

The Vulture rose from his spot in Percy’s chair and took the files from the detectives as if they were children on a playground.

“Thanks, champ. Good effort,” he said, smugly, “I’ve got it from here. But hey, feel free to call me any time you losers can’t solve a simple case.”

Instead of addressing the insult as the blind man walked away, Percy turned to (y/n), his worried expression returning, “What happened? Are you alright?”

(y/n), in return, looked up at him and gave a puzzled look, “Why wouldn’t I be alright? The captain just wanted to talk to me about something. No big deal.”

“Well, what was it?”

“Are you aware of your inability to stay out of other people’s business?” The woman asked, her patience beginning to grow thin. Despite her attempt at casualness, it was clear that it had been far from “no big deal”, “Maybe if you stopped being so nosy, you could solve your cases before the Vulture was able to take them from you.”

Percy didn’t know what to say as she made her way back to her desk.

Later that night, the precinct (with the exception of the captain and the sergeant) met up at the local bar. After an hour of drinking and talking about how much they hated the Vulture, some idiot Percy came up with the idea to get revenge on the blond demon by solving the case before he could.

Deciding to take the bus since they were all various levels of intoxicated, Percy had plopped himself into the seat next to (y/n) and began infodumping the details of the case to her.

“So the waitress heard the couple arguing at dinner,” Percy explained, talking with his hands, “Apparently he was having an affair, and it was not the first time. Two years ago, she caught him with a dog walker who was “walking his dog,” if you know what I mean.”

“I do,” (y/n) nodded, an unpleased look on her face regarding the euphemism.

“Funny right?” When he didn’t get a response, he kept talking, “Anyways, we know it’s the wife.”

(y/n) was silent for a moment, her eyes squinting as she watched his expressive face, “You’re real talkative now that you want our help,” she noted.

Percy sighed at her words, “All right, it is possible that I should’ve brought the gang in sooner, but I just get so excited, wrapped in wanting to solve stuff, you know?”

(y/n) couldn’t help the smile that formed on her face, “I know what you mean. You want to be the best. We all do. You just.. don’t have to be such a butthead about it.”

Percy, for the first time since they had gotten on the bus, was silent. Too silent.

“What?” (y/n) asked, worried that she had missed something.

“I just-“ Percy’s eyebrows furrowed, “I can’t believe you just called me a butthead.”

“Shut up.”

“No, (y/n), you made a suspect cry last month because he made a degrading comment about women,” Percy reminded her, “And you just called me a butthead.”

“Jackson-“

“Don’t “Jackson” me, we’re having a nice moment,” Percy’s grin was much wider than (y/n) would’ve liked, and his green eyes sparkled in the shitty bus lighting, “Admit it, you like me.”

“I’ll admit that I get soft when I’m drunk,” (y/n) muttered, her gaze shifting towards the window across from her.

Unbeknownst to the woman, Percy’s eyes remained on her. He had only seen her off duty a few times, and each time it still surprised him how different Work (y/n) was from Off-Duty (y/n). He didn’t know what it was, but there was something that led to her keeping her guard up while in the workplace. Percy was always lucky enough to consider his precinct as his family, and he wanted (y/n) to be able to do the same. He could tell she was much more comfortable now than she was when she was first transferred, but he hoped that one day she felt she was able to be herself around her co-workers.

(y/n)’s head turned back to look up at Percy. When she found his eyes still on her, her eyes narrowed, “What?”

“Nothing,” Percy surprised himself with how smooth his tone was. He figured it was the alcohol talking, “I like your jacket. It brings out your eyes.”

He grabbed a piece of her oversized jacket, pulling it gently to mess with her. (y/n) rolled her eyes, but she didn’t turn away in time to prevent him from seeing the small smile on her face.

When the gang finally pulled up to the victim’s apartment, Percy began explaining the timeline of the murder.

“Alright, here’s how it all went down,” the tall man spoke to the small crowd of people as he led them through the apartment, “9:45, a man screams. 90 seconds later, wife goes down to the doorman, says a guy murdered her husband and then ran off. We know she’s lying.”

Once the crew made it to the kitchen, Percy turned around to face them as he continued speaking, “We’ve just gotta find the corkscrew to make our case airtight. I say we role-play, see if something sparks.”

Percy and Leo went first.

“Darling, thank you for a lovely dinner,” Percy poorly monologued, “Perhaps we should have one more drink before bed.”

“Don’t you “Darling” me, you philanderer!” Leo exclaimed, his voice far too high pitched.

“No, Leo, you’re the husband,” Percy corrected, “The husband had the affair.”

“I’m always the victim,” Leo complained, and (y/n) and Piper, who was far too drunk to really do anything, exchanged annoyed glances from their spot on the victim’s very comfortable couch, “I don’t want to be the victim.”

“Okay, Leo is the door-“ Percy turned to the rest of his squad.

“No, I’ll be the victim,” Leo quickly corrected, “Don’t make me be the door again.”

“Great,” Percy turned to the cabinet and pretended to pull something out, “Okay, so.. wife goes into the drawer. Get the corkscrew,” He pretended to stab Leo with a bit too much enthusiasm, “Stab stab stab!”

Leo fell to the floor, and Percy turned to his group of people, “What did she do with the corkscrew?”

While Piper and (y/n) were lounging on the couch, Annabeth, Grover, Clarisse, and Hazel stood at the edge of the kitchen, watching the scene.

“She dumps it in the hallway trash chute on the way to the doorman,” Hazel suggested.

“No, we checked the trash like, ten times,” Percy shook his head, “We would’ve seen a bloody corkscrew.

“The body!” Leo called from his spot on the floor, “It’s still in the body?”

“No, Leo, you suck at this,” Percy rubbed his forehead, “Go sit down.”

“What if she tossed the corkscrew out the window?” Annabeth asked, leaning on the kitchen doorframe, “And it landed on a passing car?”

“Security cams showed no one driving by at the time,” Percy shook his head again, “And nothing on the street.”

“What if she kept it on her?” Grover asked, “Like, hid it in her pocket or something.”

“No, we searched her. And didn’t find anything.”

“Okay, I want in,” (y/n) stood up, swaying only slightly as Leo took her spot on the couch, “But I want to stab Jackson.”

Percy, who had been leaning against the kitchen counter, smirked, “Fine.”

The two made their way to the center of the kitchen, and (y/n) realized how small the room was.

As Percy looked down at her, (y/n) met his eyes with an unintentional smile.

“Alright. Sweetheart-“ Percy started.

“Time to die,” (y/n) cut him off, causing Annabeth and Clarisse to laugh. She turned around to pretend to grab the murder weapon, when her eyes landed on the refrigerator. She was silent for a moment, and Percy could practically hear the gears turning in her head.

“(y/n)?” He asked, stepping close and tapping her shoulder to bring her back to reality.

“What if it was a magnetic corkscrew?” She asked, her eyes on the many magnets that adorned the refrigerator.

The room went silent as everybody else tried to get to the same idea she was on.

“If the corkscrew was on a magnet-“

“It’s stuck halfway down the inside of the trash chute,” Percy rushed out, “I figured it out first!”

He began running out of the room, (y/n) close behind him.

“What’s happening?” a barely conscious Piper asked from the couch.

“You guys go after them and make sure they don’t kill each other,” Leo told the rest of the detectives, “I got her.”

After a successfully unsuccessful mission, where the squad was caught compromising the crime scene by some on-duty police officers, the squad anxiously waited at their desks outside the captain’s office where Reyna was getting yelled at by the Vulture.

“Oh my Gods, Reyna’s gonna kill us,” (y/n) muttered from her seat, her arms crossed and her eyes trained on Octavian, who was pacing around the room, his hands flailing in the air.

“Don’t worry,” Percy appeared behind her, gently resting a hand on her shoulder, which she promptly shrugged off, “I have a plan.”

“Because your plans always go perfectly,” (y/n) shot back, peering behind her to give him a look.

“I’m going to let you in on a little secret,” Percy walked around to the other side of her, so he was blocking her view of the captain’s window. He pulled out a small bag from his pocket, and (y/n) gasped.

“You found the corkscrew?” she kept her voice quiet, but her eyes were wide with surprise.

“I did, before those other cops dragged us away,” Percy leaned close, too close, to make sure nobody overheard them, “Originally, I was going to send this to the DA’s office so we could officially say that we’ve out-vultured the Vulture. But, after watching Reyna get yelled at for a few minutes, I feel bad. So I’m going to give him the credit so he can leave her alone, because I really like her and I don’t want her to get in trouble because I act stupid when I’m drunk.”

“That’s…really mature, Jackson,” (y/n) said, her eyes still wide.

“Well, don’t sound so surprised,” Percy gave her one of his signature grins, and she felt something strange happen in her stomach. She must still be hungover.

“Why are you telling me about this?” (y/n) asked, ignoring whatever nauseating feeling just came over her.

Percy shrugged, breaking their eye contact to glance across the room at nothing, “I dunno. I did say you could help me on the case. And it was kind of your idea that helped us find the corkscrew in the first place.”

“So you admit I have good ideas?” it was (y/n)’s turn to grin, her head tilting as Percy finally met her eyes again.

“You’re stupidly smart, (y/n).” he said, far more serious than she expected, “I have never doubted your ideas, or your ability to do your job, and I don’t plan on ever doing so.”

“Right,” her eyes narrowed, “That’s why you made the bet in the first place. You think you can make more felony arrests than me, but you don’t doubt my ability to do my job. That’s kind of contradictory, don’t you think?”

As Percy watched her, a strange expression came over him, almost like he was holding something back. Finally, he shook his head, “That isn’t why I made the bet.”

“Then why-“

(y/n) stopped speaking as Percy left her very confused, walking towards the captain’s office. He paused at the door, turning to glance in her direction. They made eye contact again, and he smiled, as if he had just made a joke to himself. A few seconds later, and (y/n) was left staring at the dark wood of the door.

a/n

hi guys i’m alive. this chapter took forever so i hope you like it! feel free to like comment and subscribe so you don’t miss the next time i upload a video! (i’ll stop now)

tag list (comment if you’d like to be added!)

@itzmeme @simpingmyassoff @sukimiya @just1tinystar @percylover13 @fandomqueen696 @iloveneilperry @queen190 @veyveyx

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blush-blush-imagines · 2 years ago

Note

Reference from Brooklyn 99, how would some of the boys react if we just said "If I run and leap at (Name), he will most certainly catch me in his arms" and then proceeded to run full force at them while they're carrying stuff. (You can just ignore this if you don't understand this or don't want to do this.)

I was given 'some' and immediately ignored my own rules and did 'all', that's fun.

Still, finally cracking down and writing all *checks notes* 2 requests I've gotten.

(Please feel free to send in requests, I'd love to have more to work with)

Nimh

Oh it is such a rough thing for poor Nimh.

Problem A), the call alone is a little jump scare to him, and now his heart is freaking out

Problem B), he’s now faced with the dilemma of either dropping everything, or letting you eat shit on the pavement. He’d like neither to happen, but he’s not dumb enough to think he could do both

He eventually commits to catching you, but that just leads to

Problem C), he is not very strong and he can barely hold you

Give him the courtesy of keeping a foot on the ground to balance out your weight, yeah?

Volks

You joke about it sometimes before you ever commit to the bit

And every single time you do he insists to you that he will make zero effort to catch you

But you know Volks very well at this point.

And you know, among other things, that he is a dirty fucking liar

So you can only imagine your personal childlike glee when you finally do it and he does, in fact, catch you without hesitation

He insists it’s because if you fell and like, broke your elbow or something, that’d be terrible. Medical bills and all that.

For his sake, you’re ignoring that his face is growing redder by the second.

Kelby

No hesitation 100% of the time

First of all, holding you is extremely easy for him, but also he just finds carrying you to be romantic as hell

Oh he’ll cringe if he happens to be dropping something heavy, like a weight, but he still goes for you, that’s his priority

Still, he likes looking for opportunities to show off, and carrying you around like it’s nothing is prime show off material.

He might even get in a couple squats. He knows they go appreciated.

Eli

It’s a coin flip with Eli

Though if there’s a chance you’d genuinely injure yourself he’ll probably catch you

But it’s fair game to just let you crash if it’s carpet or grass. Because he thinks it’s just a little funny.

He also occasionally makes you pay the ‘catch tax’

It’s 5 dollars to at least partially make up for the drink that just died on the ground for your goofs.

Anon

Really, shame on you, you should know better.

He makes no attempt to catch you

In fact, he finds the way you end up crashing into the wall kinda funny.

Like watching a cat really fuck up a jump.

Beyond the fact that he’s kind of a stickler with his physical contact to begin with, a lot of the things he carries around are very easily breakable

So yes it’s rude, but frankly he’s not about to shell out 1000 dollars for a new laptop because you thought you could make a goofy point- because you couldn’t.

Garret

Garret doesn’t even miss a beat

He’s got you held up in one arm and whatever it was he was holding cradled in the other

While he thinks that it was certainly an odd thing to do, it was pretty cute.

Not hard to do. He thinks most things you do are cute.

Gives you a little kiss and gently sets you back down

Don’t get overconfident though. If he’s holding an animal, the animal gets priority. They’re more fragile.

He still feels really bad about it though. You think he might cry

Dmitri

Dmitri also goes for the catch every time

It adds to his suave and romantic charm, obviously.

However, as the type to prioritize romance over basic logic on occasion, he’s also prone to forgetting that he’s often holding his drink of choice

No it’s fine that his foot just got doused in hot coffee, no he’s not getting a third degree burn

Appreciate the romance, he’ll go see someone about it later

Ichiban

Like Anon, Ichiban hesitates, because if he’s holding something, it’s likely expensive.

However, unlike Anon, he makes the fatal mistake of still trying to catch you

And it worked maybe once. He’s still riding that high though.

He can handle it!

…But also this case of shenanigans that he has never told you to stop doing has cost more in equipment that either of you are ready to admit out loud.

You may or may not have pitched in to replace several cameras, controllers, and lavaliers

William

He tries very very hard to get you to stop charging him before contact is made

It’s a flurry of paperwork, because he does catch you

Says it’s the least he could do as the doting boyfriend he is

Though he does awkwardly dismiss himself from in after a moment.

While carrying you around is quite romantic, he won’t disagree with that, but also those papers were kind of important and he should get those together ASAP.

People have pets in need, and they can’t get it without the information getting where it needs to be.

He promises to give you a good cuddle once it’s all sorted, however.

Myx

There’s a very direct correlation between what exactly he’s holding and how okay he is with dropping it to scoop you

Electronics? Hard no, those are pricey to replace

Instruments are also frequent victims, and it depends on its fragility.

He tried to catch you with his leg once, except all he actually did was end up kicking you in the gut on the way down

He apologized about it for fifteen minutes straight.

But if it’s something sturdy, he has no problem with chucking it straight down and scooping you up into a whole ass cuddle.

Stirling

Oh please don’t do that outside

He’s fine with it inside and at night. It’s very attractive, even. Smooth and charming as he sweeps you off your feet before you can even make the jump.

But in the middle of the day it’s very bad for both of you

He can’t hold his parasol and you at the same time, it’s not happening

So get ready to either hit the deck or get caught on fire with him, depending on how much time he gets to think about it

Scale

He screams at first

There’s a loud clatter of knives, but he’s got you!

Scale insists very hard that he did not shriek like a little baby at you almost impaling yourself on his knives

Instead he scolds you over it

I mean come on, you spent an entire afternoon to keep his assassination deadline on you years away

What’s the good in wasting that, he could’ve done better things with his afternoon if you were gonna die a couple months later anyway

Sven

Puts no thought into whatever he’s holding, he just tries to hold you on top of it

It’s very uncomfortable every time, why do you keep doing that

It also doesn’t register to him that it’s his need to multitask it that results in you injuring yourself

He starts doing it to you to prove a point, and thinks he’s doing it better because he doesn’t get hurt

He has not realized it’s because you actually drop everything to catch him

But it’s still fun, and you kinda don’t want to ruin it for him.

Cole

He doesn’t even flinch

It’s like he anticipated you’d do this exact thing

And unlike some of the other boys he doesn’t even think when he drops whatever he’s holding.

Unless it’s something on the more… incriminating side. At that point he dodges you, dodges any questions, and quickly dismisses himself from the conversation entirely.

Sure it’s entirely possible there’s a shattered plate of hot food at his feet now, but that doesn’t matter because you’re here, being contently held in his arms

He uses it as an excuse to keep holding you

Poe

It what fucking world do you think he could hold you?

He drops his coffee and his school papers

Luckily they don’t damage each other, but w o w that was a close call

But beyond losing his morning caffeine and having to gather his work back up, you’ve hurt his wrists and also your entire body

No one has won here.

He also just. Literally can’t hold you. He’s a tiny frail goth boy, he crumbles if he’s holding anything heavier than 20 pounds.

Once you’re back on your feet, he asks if you could at the very least help him gather up his papers. They’re worth like 20% of his grade.

Cashew

Already a bit on the twitchy side, when he notices you speeding like a bullet train, he squeaks.

What exactly do you think you’re doing??? He’s been relocating his books all afternoon, you can see that he’s holding like, 8.

But, visibly cringing, they hit the floor, because he knows that he can’t hold them and you at the same time

One of them falls wide open, pages down. He tries not to think of the potential folded pages and boxed corners.

Especially because of how pleased you look!

…But the second he can set you down he’s on the ground checking for damages.

Seth

Seth is the absolute king of the ‘casually carrying around hazardous objects’ club

But unlike everyone else in said club, he has no qualms about chucking whatever it is on the ground and scooping you up.

This has resulted almost unanimously in making more hazards and chaos, but he hasn’t fussed about it once

He gets to give you a lil snuggle and it has the potential to cause crime. It’s a win-win for him!

You are an accessory to arson now though, so watch out, yeah?

Logan

Man goes into bullet time

It’s just a race to him to see if he can free an arm before you inevitably ‘plink’ off him and crash into the floor

Like. He does it, no real problems

But he immediately sets you down and scolds you for it

Because that was dangerous! What if he got hurt? What if you got hurt? What if he was holding something breakable, or bringing his fire axe somewhere?

All of those sound awful!

Still, he ruffles your hair and plants a little kiss on the top of your head. He isn’t mad, he just wants to make sure you’re being safe.

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freakasaurus-rex · 25 days ago

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FINALLY making an info post since so many of my mutuals have them

bright flashing lights be ahead! avast, ye sinners! this blog is not easy to look at if you are bothered by eyestrain!

Hello, welcome to my blog! I hope you have a fun time here :D

My name is Flower, but if you don't know me personally I request that you call me Freak!

I am currently 17 years old, and my birthday is on September 5th.

I am aromantic and questioning my sexuality, but I currently identify as omnisexual. I am also very much nonbinary, and usually refer to myself either as agender or genderfluid.

I use neopronouns almost exclusively. You can learn more about my pronouns here and here.

I semi-regularly post bugs! I am looking to become an entomologist so they are very fascinating to me. Any posts including them will be tagged with #bugs, #insects, and sometimes the specific type of bug they are. I also consider arthropods, shellfish, and arachnids to be bugs so those will be included in the #bugs tag, but they will not be tagged with #insects, obviously. Bugs and insects are different things.

I rarely post art but when I do it is tagged with #my art. Most fandoms are tagged but a few aren't [like pokemon and mario].

I have multiple little guys living in my askbox. Currently, we have Sneepsnorp, Jingle [and his plushie Bell], Mipmi, and Brring. And a weird evil clown but I haven't seen that one recently. All of them have their own tags. You will see them often.

Things I enjoy!

Games: Splatoon, Minecraft, Oxenfree, Spiritfarer, Roblox [all I play is Regretevator], The Sims, The Legend of Zelda, Pokemon

Shows/Movies: Brooklyn 99, Arcane, Dungeon Meshi, Dandadan, Attack on Titan, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Howl's Moving Castle, most other Ghibli movies

Books: The Agony of Bun O'Keefe, 5 Worlds [graphic novels], Scott Pilgrim [only the comics]

Other media: Sanrio, Nevermore [webcomic], The Glass Scientists [webcomic], Blindsprings [webcomic]

General: VSynth, character design, story writing, bugs of all kinds

I have autism and ADHD. I may not understand the tone of posts or messages, but I usually do! If I don't, do not feel bad. Just LMK what you meant and we can both be on our merry way.

I frequently reblog political posts, and I do not tag them. I rarely reblog discourse, but this is 100% a space supporting of all good-faith identities. To me, this includes m-spec gays and lesbians. The split attraction model is for everyone.

I occasionally reblog posts with queer slurs in them. I tag these with #f slur or similar. Whichever letter the word starts with and then "slur".

I will block you if I don't like you and I request that you do the same. It's easier to not get upset online if you just don't interact with people who piss you off. I understand it's important to see issues from all angles and to hear out varying opinions but a lot of people online are just insane.

I am a frequent roleplayer but I am nowhere near cringe and free enough to talk about that. my ESC mutuals know what I mean however.

I've been roleplaying online since I was literally like 10 years old. I did take like a 5-year long break but still. YK. Or maybe you don't IDK I just work here.

Yes I always use the square brackets. No I don't know why I started. Yes it's muscle memory at this point.

Thank you for reading! It was probably tough. My cringe. My cringeeee.

#intro post #info post #pinned post

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thehighpriestess1 · 2 years ago

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AAAAIAKJHDUQDHHJAGYWQGJHQ AUGUST HAS COME TO AN END!!!! Bruh was it just me or when the (third) wedding happened I had this certain post in mind? And omg Jerry turned out to be the traitor all along!! :O I really thought he was on our side but nope after what he did, nope, nada, get that douche out of here. Sorry Jerry; your intentions were just too messed up. There's no hope for you. If anything he's just as bad as Yuri. :/ Welp! Glad that he's dead. :D

I'm a bit curious though what caused Satoru to suspect Jerry. I know that Geto said that Jerry's description of Y/N's fallen episode was a bit too much on the mark but what else blew his cover away?

And OMGGGGGGGG KEISUKE BABYYYYYYYYY!!!! UwU he's sssooooo cccuuuuttteeee! Has he taken his first steps yet? LMAO! XD I laughed at the part where he basically like Yuta more than his Uncle Geto! XD lol and OH lord Shoko! ppfftt I saw that Brooklyn 99 reference that she made. "I've only had Keisuke for a day and a half, but if anything happened to him I would kill everyone in this mansion and then myself." :D Same gurl, same >:]

Omg yes Mr. Gojo the strongest Satoru cried at his wedding.

When the whole thing started Geto advised Gojo to add additional security around y/n but Gojo said that it's better that only the trusted people stay around the reader and baby. That being Jerry. Gojo knew that Jerry was the one who gave her meds as he often took updates on her from him. Jerry was the only one who was allowed in their bedroom because he took care of Keisuke so he had access to y/n's medicine. Once Gojo saw the texts between him and Yuri everything became clear.

Keisuke hasn't taken his first steps yet but he doesn't have to cause everyone wants to hold him 😂😂 Shoko always gave me major rosa vibes so I had to add that reference 😁

#gojo satoru #august✨#ash answers 🤍

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ihaveacorgi · 6 months ago

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Nine people you want to get to know better

thanks for the tag @rigginsstreet!

Last song? Blackbird -- the Beatles

Currently watching? I've been watching Brooklyn 99 while I do my homework, but other than that I haven't had a lot of time to watch TV

Last movie? Deadpool & Wolverine

Sweet/Spicy/Savory? Depends on the mood. Usually sweet, sometimes savory. Not a big fan of spicy tho

Relationship status? In a relationship

Current obsessions? Deadpool & Wolverine/the X-Men in general, and my Teen Wolf obsession is coming around again (should I probably have left that one in middle school? yes. did I? nope)

Last thing you googled? c++ reference vectors

Tag nine people: @babkastein @marskars3 @emostudent

#yeah that's not 9 ppl mostly cause i have approx 4 mutuals

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stacy-fakename · 8 months ago

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Ok, so first of all, the shatterstars are canonically established multiple times to take more control over the more willing you are. The more you give in, the more Ankarna can control you. Secondly, I said parasite because that's what BLeeM refers to them. And thirdly, willing taking in a parasite doesn't stop it from being a parasite. If I purposefully eat a tapeworm, it's still gonna be a tapeworm. Kipperlilly chose to take in the shatterstar, yes, but there's no way she could have truly understood what it was coming, nor could she back out when she did experience that stuff, because as established during that fight, unlike everyone else, because she consented to having it put in her chest, even death couldn't take it out of her. Like I said, the more willing you are, the stronger it is.

Kipperlilly easily could cause more damage than Adaine. KLCK is a terrifyingly good assassin and a literally mastermind, if she felt like it she could destroy entire governments. Adaine, while powerful, is no where near the power of Arthur Aguefort, who ALSO couldn't take down Fallinel, while he was wielding the sun and summoning hundreds of terracotta clones of himself. And if she burned down Fallinel like she said she would, she'd lose all of her resources she gets from being the Elven Oracle. All she would have is random visions she can't control that have been repeatedly stated to not actually be that helpful.

Kipperlilly's plan did turn everyone in Elmville rageful! Except the adventuring teenagers, who were all purposefully taken away from the town prior to Ragnerok. Also, anyone that WAS in the town would probably go to hell with the town itself anyways when it became a demiplane?

I feel like genre shouldn't equal morals, but that might personal philosophy. Like, the context of the world should be taken into account, yes, but there are limits. Say, in the context of the world of Brooklyn 99, cops are good. I still think it's copaganda and that all the cops in it are pigs. So similarly, when it comes to the murder of Johnny Spells (who reminder, had his soul held hostage and was being forced to help or be erased, which in a world with afterlives means a fucking lot) or similar things, I feel like it should absolutely be as bad as murder in real life. Especially when not in a position to be revived. I don't know where I'm going with this, I have a lot of feelings about moral philosophy in media analysis.

Again, I'm not saying Kipperlilly's a good person or was right. I'm saying that, with what's been established, she was not at fault. She was groomed by a man with the power to convince anyone, even omniscient gods, that whatever he says is true, including how you feel about something and what you want to do. That man, with that power, told her she wanted to go through this ritual that would attack a parasite to her soul that takes away her ability to think and feel things like guilt, empathy, and shame. Then she was ordered to kill 5 people she was barely friends with and 1 person she genuinely did care about. And then she died. What I'm saying is she doesn't deserve hell, she deserves to get the shatterstar out of her chest and then institutionalized for a long time where she can receive the help she's been reaching out for for years and not receiving (remember how she was the only one of the Rat Grinders actively reaching out for help from Jawbone?). How does Ankarna, who did this to all of these children and only switched sides when she learned she wasn't going to get what she was promised, get off scot-free while the mind controlled teenager dies?

Sorry if any of this sounded aggressive, I promise it's not, I'm just bad with tone online and especially during discussions like this. Have a nice day!

i love kipperlily defenders, someone please remind them you can have a truly evil character be your fav

she did not have normal teenage anger, she had a homicide, she committed cold blooded murder against her best friend, that is not "local teen girl has some issues" that is murder.

it is truly beautiful what people will defend, but as a klkc fan myself, let her be villainous, let her be unreasonable, let her be hated, you can still love her for being awful

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resident-bowie-bitch · 2 years ago

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steve and eddie but they’re a firefighter and a cop and it’s enemies to lovers

#yes #i am referring to brooklyn 99 #eddie is jake peralta because he’s a giant child #and steve can take the roll of boone exept he’s super sexy #and they’re rivals and always fight when put on crime scenes together #but then they fall in love #because #y’know #that’s what enemies to lovers is #omg i can see it so clear #SOEMONE MAKE THIS #i have too many wips to do it myself #jay talks #steddie #brooklyn 99

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nocontextadrianpimento · 4 years ago

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Alright, I like it, don't tell me, surprise me! Ooh this is gonna be fun!

#and yes he's talking about getting beaten up #adrian pimento #b99 #brooklyn 99 #brooklyn nine nine #jason mantzoukas #jake peralta #andy samberg #tw violence mention #tw torture reference

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aestariiwilderness · 3 months ago

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You're arguing from a moral framework that you're then arguing against; you're also then, apparently deliberately, misunderstanding terms, bait-and-switching, and more. You're also resorting to ad hominem. But let me define my terms! Murder: The killing of an innocent (i.e., not convicted of any crime) human by another human, absent self-defense, defense of others, or war. Induced abortion carries none of those justifications and is a premeditated act of killing of an innocent human being, hence: induced abortion = murder. This is why I consistently use the term "murder" instead of just "killing". Once again, I refer you to the differences between tragedy, triage, and murder. Law: Just because something is currently lawful does not mean it isn't wrong. Or would you have argued for slavery because it was "lawful"? "The goal of a termination"? Seriously? But yes, you're both right and splitting hairs. The goal of murder is for the victim to cease being alive. The goal of an abortion is precisely to eliminate the "embryo". If that fails and the baby lives, that's known as a failed abortion. (Imagine that. It's considered a failure if a baby survives.) That is exactly what induced abortion is, and that is exactly its goal. You're not pregnant when there's no living baby. Your "argument" here would be akin to saying: "Hitler's goal was to have a Jew-free empire. Whether or not millions of Jews were killed in the process is immaterial." As I believe Brooklyn 99 says: "Cool motive! Still murder."

"Pregnancy Is Like Blood/Forced Organ Donation" Pro-Abortion Argument

This is an old but still popular pro-abortion argument. At first glance, it does seem reasonable, doesn’t it? But once you look closer, the analogy breaks down catastrophically.

Just to summarize, the reasons you should not be forced to give blood or donate organs (ironically, bodily autonomy comes into it, but no one seems to recognize the baby’s bodily autonomy) are primarily these:

You are not legally or morally responsible/ do not have any duty of care to this hypothetical person (i.e., you are not their parent).

You did not (presumably) cause their current condition in any way.

There are other potential avenues to save the hypothetical person’s life than your blood or organ(s) (i.e., someone else could donate; the person can survive without them for long enough for another solution to be discovered).

(implicated in C) You are not actively or passively causing this person to die by refusing them your blood or organ(s).

Worth noting, but not always consistent so not included above, is E.: Donating blood or organ(s) to this hypothetical person is inherently/ONLY harmful and would cause you permanent damage (donating blood is obviously something that people can and do easily recover from).

None of the above is true for a pregnant woman, and this is where the analogy breaks down. In the (rare) case of abortion due to rape (rapists/sex traffickers, by the way, are huge proponents of abortion and proven to be in cahoots with Planned Parenthood locations for obvious reasons), B is the only one that is then true for a woman pregnant through rape, but that still does not negate A, C, D, or E. I’ll explain it further in my hopefully more accurate analogies below. A more accurate analogy, then, is this: A toddler mistakenly wanders into your home. Regardless of whether you left the door open or not (i.e., had consensual sex), you are obviously not only not allowed to kill that toddler for wandering into your house, but you in fact have a duty of care to that toddler until such time as you/emergency services can find their parents or someone else better equipped to care for them. Even if that toddler tracks mud on your carpet or otherwise costs you money/causes you emotional or even physical inconvenience or pain, you are still obviously not allowed to murder that toddler. I believe this analogy to be somewhat imperfect, since it overplays the responsibility of the child – the unborn have, obviously, even less agency than this hypothetical lost toddler! But the point stands. The baby who is being killed through abortion did not ask to be in the womb and did not cause themselves to be there; that was purely the act of the mother and father. The unborn baby has no say in their condition/location/level of development, whereas the parents have had every say and thus have every responsibility.

In the case of rape – while I believe the above analogy holds true for it as well (see: door open/door closed), allow me to make it even clearer (forgive the seemingly flippant terms, but I believe the comparisons are still accurate): An evil, depraved man has picked up a random toddler from the street and outright thrown her through your door or perhaps a window, causing harm to both you and her. You have every right to press charges and seek justice against the man! However, you do not have any right to slit the throat of the toddler. (In fact, current law in most civilized societies even prevents you from slitting the throat of the criminal himself absent an immediate self-defense situation.) Neither you nor the toddler (baby) had any say in what happened. My analogies above, in the interest of being generous, also ignore the assumption of E (that is, that donating blood or organ(s) to this hypothetical person is inherently/ONLY harmful and would cause you permanent damage). But this also does not necessarily hold true for a pregnant woman. Physical injuries, sicknesses, parasites, etc. are inherently unnatural and inimical to the body’s natural state (homeostasis); they can ONLY cause harm. Pregnancy, however, is neither unnatural to the female body nor inimical to it (the female body has organs/hormones/an entire body structure specifically designed for the process of pregnancy). Nor does pregnancy/giving birth inevitably cause permanent damage to the woman (although in rarer cases, I acknowledge that it can – much like driving in a car or being an athlete carries the risk of permanently damaging your body). In fact, carrying a baby to term and giving birth can actually be beneficial for a woman’s health – i.e., statistically decreases long-term risk of certain types of cancers, stem cells sent to strengthen a woman’s heart, etc. (Breast Cancer Risk: Age at First Childbirth | Susan G. Komen®; https://www.liveaction.org/news/study-proves-fetus-as-parasite-arguments-false/ ).

To summarize: Comparing carrying a baby to term to forced blood/organ donation, parasitism, or even home invasion looks applicable at first blush but irreparably breaks down at second glance, for multiple key reasons (see A, B, C, D, and E). Nor is it, obviously, logically inconsistent to be against induced abortion and against forced blood/organ donation/parasitism/home invasion. They’re both immoral.

If you would like some other opinions or perhaps a different viewpoint with even more reasons why the situations are not comparable:

Refutation of the right to refuse argument. Deconstruction of the bodily autonomy argument. Dismantling of the parasite argument. Construction of fetal personhood.

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