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cityofmeliora · 3 months ago

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TRANSCRIPT: Terzo talking about the Nameless Ghouls during "If You Have Ghosts" (acoustic version) interlude 🎸🎸🎸

this is a compilation of Papa III's speeches after the guitar solo in If You Have Ghosts. these speeches are notable for being the source of many popular clips where Terzo says a bunch of horny stuff about Omega, Alpha, and Water. he also introduces Earth and Air before the song starts, but i did not include those parts.

here are some highlights / notes:

All that horny stuff Terzo says about the Ghouls was him joking about things he allegedly heard the audience saying.

Omega was originally just called Aether / Quintessence, and Alpha was originally just called Fire. 'Omega' and 'Alpha' were nicknames given to them by fans, and Terzo was initially confused by those nicknames because he did not call them that.

Terzo describes Alpha receiving his nickname as him being christened at one concert and 'un-christened' at a different concert 😂

Terzo's nicknames for Omega include 'Mister Quintessence' and 'The Giant from Gistad', referencing Omega's (real-life) place of origin, Gistad, a locality outside Linköping.

Terzo called Water 'A Nameless Ghoul Called Water' as if it was Water's full name, which is very funny.

Terzo accidentally called Alpha 'Omega' in Indianapolis and then awkwardly pretended like he didn't just do that.

Terzo seemed to think that 'stage right' and 'stage left' was a difficult concept for the audience to understand.

Terzo repeatedly notes that Water was in fact the best six-string guitar player in the band, despite his role as the bassist.

TF would frequently get mixed up about the timeline / whichcharacter he was playing at what time

this transcript includes 21 concerts and ended up being over 7k words, so the full text of this post is under a cut:

PAPA EMERITUS III: Magnifique! Yes! Now what? These guys are Nameless, right? That's how it all started. 'A Nameless Ghoul.' Then people picked up on the fact that they had little things on them, on their clothes. Okay! So uh, then it ended up being that they picked up on the fact that they had been given the elements. You know, you remember Earth and air? But this wasn't enough. Apparently, two of the guys, they have other symbols, too. Especially the girls saw that, because after a while the girls had their favorite ghouls and they wanted to be Ghoulettes for their favorite Ghoul. So let me introduce to you the Nameless Ghoul who just did a solo for you. All of a sudden, we can hear the girls in the front over here saying "Alpha… Alpha!" Ladies and genitals, Alpha! 'A Nameless Ghoul', my ass! What we got here in the middle is a curiosity, I tell you that. He happens to play the guitar! Normally you see him fingering the bass. And I know you wish you was the one he was doing it to, right? Not tonight. Especially not now, because he's doing the axe right now. Because you see, every day we get it smeared in our face that out of all the guitar players in the band, he just happened to be the best fucking guitar player in the band. So please, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul named Water! About here, geographically, there are usually girls standing, looking this way. You see stomps. So usually I hear from here, this part, "Omega... Omega…" Also quite a good guitar player. Please, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul named Omega! So there you have it! Now you have Ghost. We are Ghost. How 'bout that? Eh? Rouen, France (February 5, 2016)

PAPA EMERITUS III: Right on! It is... Alright. The guy who just did a very good solo– technically, he's referred to as 'Fire'. [APPLAUSE] Don't clap too much yet. That was a big one. It just so happens that on his other guitar, there's a little symbol. And fans –especially female fans– paid attention. So we were out touring. All of a sudden, from this side there were voices: "Alpha… Alpha… Alpha!" the girls screamed out. So ladies and gentlemen, he became 'Alpha'! Not bad! Now this fellow. Usually, he plays –he fingers– the bass. [AUDIENCE: IT'S SEXY AS FUCK!] Yeah! And he does so very good. Now ladies, if you find yourself at the show feeling your bottom, like, moving like this, it's because of the bass and the drums. That's where it feels, y'know– here. He's also one hell of a guitar player, to the annoyance of all of us. Please, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul named Water! Over the years, on my right, here, I started hearing another word that– I knew the word,but I didn't truly know the meaning of it until I heard it loud and clear from female voices: "Omega… Omega! I want you, Omega! I want to be your Ghoulette, Omega!" And for me, I was like, eh? Omega? I don't know you as 'Omega', but fine. On the axe here, please give it up for Omega! La Rochelle, France (February 6, 2016)

PAPA EMERITUS III: Right on! He's a pretty able guitar player, isn't he? Yes… Bon, bon! Let me tell you a little story. Obviously, the band is supposed to be nameless. For some fucking reason, I have a name– there was no way around that. But first off, it was 'a Nameless ghoul, a Nameless Ghoul, a Nameless Ghoul, a Nameless Ghoul', and so forth. You had to have something, so they all were wearing signs: Earth, Air, et cetera. So there was this guy who played guitar. His name was Fire. But he also had a little sign on his guitar. And once we had been on tour for a while and we were starting to get a little bit popular, so there were peoples on our shows and there was a lot of girls on the shows. You can hear from that corner there: "Alpha! Alpha… I want to be your Ghoulette, Alpha!" So apparently, here we have a Nameless Ghoul named Alpha! You see… usually this guy in the middle here fingers the bass, the four-stringed instrument. That is the thing that you feel in your crotch and in your ass when we play. You know the boogie-woogie? Bass. That's the trick. But see, this is not a fucking bass he's handling right now. It's a guitar. It just so turned out –he likes to point out every day– he sort of smears it in the faces of everyone, how fucking good of a guitar player he is, too. Not only does he make the asses move, he also plays the guitar like a devil! Please, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul named Water! Around the same time when we heard "Alpha! Alpha!" sounds from over there, amongst the stomping, which I heard, obviously, I also noticed something else from that corner: "Omega… Omega! Omega…" Eh? Alright. It was the women calling out: Omega… Stomp me, Omega! Treat me like you treat your guitar." So he did. Please, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul named Omega! So there you have it: Ghost. We are Ghost. Fantôme! Grenoble, France (February 8, 2016)

PAPA EMERITUS III: Word! What a good solo, right? Yeah. I'm uh... I'm gonna stop fiddling with my pants now. You know we started with the idea of being completely nameless. You know… it was such a good idea on paper. It didnt fucking work at all. It didn't go into people's psyche that you can have something that you cannot name. Okay. Let's have names. Okay so we had Earth and Air. That's a good start. So, y'know, we came up with, like, 'Fire'. Fire! That's good. So everybody got their little element, right. It makes things easier. You can sign something– if someone wants your autograph you can just like, [DRAWS A TRIANGLE IN THE AIR]. Good. Autograph. But then uh, this person on stage that I'm referring to also had a little symbol on his guitar. So he's standing here in the middle, most of the time, and I was standing there and I was thrusting and I was dancing and ehhh and I hear, over here: "Alpha…" Eh? It was the ladies in the front, around here, saying "Alpha.. I want to be your Ghoulette, Alpha. Alpha…" So let me introduce to you… a Nameless Ghoul called Alpha! Now… the tormentor of the bass… busy fingering, for one-and-a-half hour every night, the bass. The bass is the four-stringed instrument that makes your ass move, together with the drums. But it is a very, very important tool if you want people to dance– it's the bass. if you want to be a guitarist that's cool but the bass. and the drummer… That's it! This bass player happen to be also a very very good guitar player, to the annoyance of everyone else. That's why he's playing the guitar right now, but he's holding back because he's a tormentor of the six-string too. Ladies and gentlemen, a Nameless Ghoul named Water! Around the same time that I was standing there in the middle, I was doing my mating dance, singing all female-like, being a little bit too shorter than people thought as soon as I took my hat off– thank you very much, I also noticed another sound from that part of the audience: "Omega…" Eh? What? What, what, what, what? What was that? That was the ladies here in the front. They were saying what? [AUDIENCE: OMEGA!] Yes. And they were flashing and they were sweating profusely, in… in heat! and they were flashing it for… Omega! Bordeaux, France (February 9, 2016)

PAPA EMERITUS III: Good solo, eh? You might know… that we are –or let's say they are– supposed to be nameless. But uh, you know, why make things difficult? Maybe they can have signs so they have something to sign if someone wants an autograph. Okay. Alright, let's do that sounds like an interesting idea. So obviously, y'all already know Earth and Air. Simple triangles. So does the other guys have symbols too, so they can sign shit. But the guitar players here on the sides, they also had small sign– things on their guitars. And y'know, we have Fire… And that was good. But I was standing here in the middle doing my charade. I was dancing, I was singing, I thought I had it going. And I heard an occasional "Papa! Papa!" But I heard from over here, the girls whispering "Alpha… Alpha… I wanna be yours, Alpha. Make me your Ghoulette!" Okay! So uh… here he is– a Nameless Ghoul named Alpha! Are you familiar with the bass? It's four strings. the thing that you finger.. you can pick it too but if you finger it it feels even better. The bass is the thing that makes your ass move. That is the part you feel. No rock and roll without the bass. Here we got a bass player. He's doing a really good fingering on it. But it just so happens that he's even better at playing guitar, as you can see. Yes. Ladies and gentlemen give it up for a Nameless Ghoul named Water! About the time when I was standing here doing my mating dance, I thought I had everything and I was expecting someone to yell "Papa!" I hear from over here… something different: "Omega… Omega… I want to be yours, Omega! Omega! Omega man!" Was surprised! Eh? Omega. So here you have it: a Nameless ghoul named Omega! There you have it. Now you have Ghost. We are Ghost. Thank you. Nimes, France (February 10, 2016)

PAPA EMERITUS III: So we started out as a nameless band, except for myself, who was given a name. We thought that everything would be okay, but we came up with something that would not work very well, and that was, 'what if they ask for an autograph?' OK, well maybe every member of the band can be the elements, yeah that makes sense, that's smart! Uh-huh. OK, so you've met Earth and Air yeah? So the other ones gotta be similar, right? Fire, yes? Easy. But the little thing is that Mister Fire here had a little 'A' correlating with something else on the stage. One night, a little bit into our career, we were getting a little popular. Girls liked us. There were many girls over here. And I was doing my dance and I was flirting and I was thrusting and I [THRUSTING NOISES]. I was doing everything I could and then I heard over here: "Alpha… Alpha… I want to be your Ghoulette, Alpha!" Alpha? Alright. What happened to Mister Fire? So now, ladies and gentlemen, on the solo guitar, here… give it up for a Nameless Ghoul named Alpha! Ladies, do you know what the bass is? That's the four-string instrument that makes your ass move sideways… frontways… feels good. Unfortunately, we have no bass on the stage right now because it just so happens that the guy who fingers the bass is also one motherfucker on guitar. So please, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul named Water! Wasser! About the same time as I was standing here thrusting and doing everything I could in order to get somewhere, I heard another sound from over here. For me, I recognized the word but I didn't really fucking– What are they saying? Do you know what they said? Anybody had an idea? "Omega… Omega… Take me right here, right now, Omega…" Eh? Okay! Mister Quintessence here, the giant from Gistad, Ostrogothia, outside Lincopia. Give it up for a Nameless Ghoul named Omega! There you have it. Now you have… Geist. Dresden, Germany (February 19 , 2016)

PAPA EMERITUS III: Right on, man! Not a bad solo, no? It's a good one! Very good. You know, maybe you already know the story, you have figured it out, but y'know, we started out as a somewhat ehh– it was supposed to be nameless. Well, my brother who was in the band obviously, he got a name but uhh, oh wait a minute, it was the guy before that. Fuck it. Anyways– [SHUSHES THE AUDIENCE] I'm gonna tell you a story. Thank you for the enthusiasm, though. We figured that if we were nameless, all would be okay. Then rose a problem: what the fuck are we gonna do for autographs? Not sign it? Heh. It's a funny idea but it didn't really translate very well. So we figured that well all the members are like cornerstones, like elements. A-ha! Elements! We can use the elements and they can sign it with elements. Oh, what a fucking brilliant idea! That is perfect. Alright. Said and done. So you all met, obviously, Earth and Air. So on. So we did like, Fire. So there was this guy, Fire, but on his guitar there was another symbol, too, to correlate with another guy on the other side of the stage. So one night in our career, we had just gotten to be a little bit popular. There were girls coming to our shows. And they made sounds. I couldn't really hear what they were saying, but one night I heard, over here, something along the lines of "Alpha… Alpha… Alpha! I want to be your Ghoulette, Alpha!" Were they talking about fire? Ah-ha! OK then. Please, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul named Alpha! Ladies, do you know– Yes, you. Ja. Say 'ja.' That is the four-string instrument that make your ass, like, move. Like a… Maybe you didn't know that before, but it is the bass. We happen to have one bass player who normally fingers the bass very well. but he just so happens to be a very, very good guitar player, too, to the annoyance of everyone else because he's so fucking good. Please, give it up for our eminent bass player, a Nameless Ghoul named Water! Wasser! Yeah man, you rock! About the same time when I heard that Alpha stuff over there, I also heard another noise coming from this side. And it was stomping like a [STOMPING NOISES] But also something from the crowd. Do you have any idea what they were saying over here? What do you think? Not a clue. Is it "Omega?" Yes, "Omega… Omega. I want to be yours, Omega. Look at my… Just look at me, Omega… Omega…" So apparently, the guy over here had changed names into something else. So I give to you here in Herford, the giant from the Ostrogothian fields, from Gistad outside Lincopia, Omega! There you have it: a nameless band. Now you have ghosts. Herford, Germany (February 20, 2016)

PAPA EMERITUS III: Right on! That was a good fucking solo. Very soulful. This band started out, once upon a time, with the idea of not having names. Um… But my predecessors had a name. My brother had a name, now I've got a name. But the other ones– Nameless Ghouls. One day rose a problem. What if people want an autograph? Ah! Now, there was this smartass who came up with "Maybe all the different members can be elements!" I said that seems reasonable and it's a simple sign and it will be quick. Great. OK, so you've already met Earth and Air. You know the other ones, yes? So we have Fire. But this Fire guy– on his guitar, there was a sign, obviously, that sort of correlated with the other guy on the other side. So people picked up on that. One night in our successful career, I was standing here in the middle. I was thrusting and I was dancing and I was doing everything I could do to get the– the meows, eh? Then I heard, from the– my left– I heard female voices that yelled… whimpered "Alpha… Alpha… I want to be your Ghoulette, Alpha!" Alright! Well, my buddy Fire here has a new name, apparently. So please, on the guitar, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Alpha! Ladies, do you know what a bass is? I know you do. Four strings. And that is usually the thing that makes your ass wobble like that when you hear music. That is the good part, actually, the bass. Normally fingering the bass, but currently playing guitar– very good, actually, just to insult us, the rest of us. Give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Water! About the same time I was standing there in the middle and I heard that Alpha crap, I also heard something else from this side of the stage. It was women– busty women, who said something I hadn't really heard before. Can you guess what they were saying? Yeah. "Omega… Omega… I want to take you home and rip you apart, Omega." That's what they said, actually. It's weird. But he has a way to not leave one seat in the house dry. Please, from the Ostrogothian fields, from Gistad outside Lincopia, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Omega! Alright, there you have it! Now you have Ghost. Thank you. Malmö, Sweden (February 25, 2016)

PAPA EMERITUS III: Yeah! What a good solo! I'm telling you a story. When we started out, the idea was for us –except for myself and my predecessors, obviously– to be nameless. We thought that would sort of work with the human psyche, but it did not. And there was a practical problem as well, because people wanted autographs. Oh! And there was this smartass in the band who came up with this idea: "Maybe we can– here, the band, we can represent the elements, right? And then we hav a little sign that we sign." Problem solved! Voila! So, you've already met, obviously, Earth and Air, and so we went on with Fire, and so forth. But there were other symbols, too– heathen, clandestine. One was on one guitar and one was on the other guitar. The thing was, we were getting bigger. We started to attract girls to our shows. There you are. One night, I was standing here in the middle –or maybe it was my brother, I dont know, fuck it– and there was this noise, this sound that I've ever really heard before, coming form this side. It was girls saying "Alpha… Alpha… I want to be your Ghoulette, Alpha." Fire? Alright! It was the sign they saw– the alpha sign. So please, give it up, christened by our female fans, a Nameless Ghoul called Alpha! Do you know what the bass is? You do, OK, good. For the rest of you, that is the four-stringed instrument that makes your ass wobble when you hear good music. That is it. It is basically that simple– the bass… Normally tormenting the four-string axe, but currently insulting us all by being the best guitar player in this fucking band give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Water! About the same time I was standing here at the show, at that time long gone, there was also another sound that I heard from this side. Girls, do you know what I heard? Can you say it? "Omega… Omega…" Yes. It was the women, yelling out to be ravaged by… a Nameless Ghoul called Omega! And so the ravaging continues… So there you have it! Now you have ghosts. Uppsala, Sweden (February 26, 2016)

PAPA EMERITUS III: Right on! Good solo! We started out once with the idea of being nameless. It went so-and-so. One early problem that appeared is that, as we grew popular, people wanted their records signed. Well, I got to– Well, my predecessors got to sign shit. Fuck. You know how it is. Heh! But the other guys, they needed to sign something, too. So there was this smartass in the band who came up with the idea of "Maybe everyone in the band can be elements, right? That's a simple way to get out of that problem." OK, so as you already met Earth and Air, and so it went with Fire and such. Ehh. Problem solved. In addition to these symbols, there were other little details that was incorporated. As we grew a little bigger, people picked up on that, too, especially the signs that was on the two guitars. I was standing here in the middle, somewhere, someplace, in the middle of our successful career, and I was dancing and at this time, y'know, we were starting to attract not only dudes, it was a lot of girls at our shows, too. So it was beginning to be really funny, huh? And one night, I was dancing and thrusting and doing all the moves I could in order to get everybody in heat. And I heard something that I never really heard before, at least not at our concerts, and it came from this side. And it was –I guess mostly female– voices saying "Alpha, Alpha, Alpha, Alpha, Alpha, Alpha. Alpha, Alpha! I want to be your Ghoulette, Alpha!" Fire? OK? So Fire got a new name. So please, give it up, on guitar, for a Nameless Ghoul called Alpha! I am sure you're familiar with the instrument called bass. If anybody saw us in Utrecht last time, you might remember that we actually have a bass player who is one motherfucker on guitar, too. Remember that? When poor Alpha had to stand out on a show or two –I don't remember how many– where this dude over here played the guitar. So please, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Water! Looking sharp! Do you remember when I told you about when I noticed the whole alpha shit going on on the other side? Around the same time, I heard a new word coming from this part of the crowd. Yeah. All I could see, these big whoppers, women casting them forth, yelling something. Do you know what? [AUDIENCE: OMEGA!] Yeah… That was what they yelled. So please, peoples of the Netherlands and beyond, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Omega! There you have it. Now you have Ghost. We are Ghost. Thank you very much. Tilburg, Netherlands (March 1, 2016)

PAPA EMERITUS III: Yeah! Right on! Good solo! Y'know, originally, the idea– I'm not grabbing my ass, I'm adjusting my pants! Originally, the idea was for us to have no names. 'A Nameless Ghoul.' Except for myself then and my predecessors. One day rose a problem. People want shit signed. Alright. We can have signs! Each and every member of the band can have signs. Problem solved. Great. So they were the signs of the elements. And you know, you've already met those– you've met Earth and you've met Air, and then you get so on, y'know. But there was also smaller symbols around, especially two that sort of correlated on the guitars. People seemed to have picked up on that, because one night, I was standing about here. I was dancing and I was singing and thrusting. I heard a noise– female voices over at that side, saying something. Do you know what they yelled? "Alpha… Alpha…" So our multi-talented guitar player here, whose name is Fire, had a new name. Give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Alpha! You do know what a bass is, right? That's the four-stringed instrument that makes your ass wobble. It's easy as that. You need a good drummer, too, but if you have a good bass and a good drums that has their shit together, it really feels good. Our bass player is very multi-talented, and as you can see, there are– there's a six-string axe in his hand right now. Please give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Water! About that same time when all that Alpha shit was going on on that side, it turned into a murmur for me in the middle because there was– they were saying other things on this side. [STAMMERING] Do you know what they were saying here, neighbors of stage right, as they say? I saw whoppers all over the place, women screaming "Omega…" So please give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Omega! There you have it! Now you have Ghost. Thank you very much. Stroudsburg, Pennsylvania, USA (April 14, 2016)

PAPA EMERITUS III: What a good solo! Yeah! Good work, dude! Y'know, we started out with our thing– They started out– fuck. This band started out with the idea of everybody, except myself and my predecessors, to have no names. It seemed like the right thing to do. And so far it has worked okay. One day, quite early in our career, we had gotten a little bit of recognition. We had an album out, and there were a few fans that wanted signings on the record. We do not have names, so uh… What are we to do? I said, "I dont give a fuck! I can sign it!" Again, where's my head here– obviously the other guy… Fuck it. Alright, there was this smartass who came up with the idea that maybe we can have signs, kind of like the elements, maybe. That's brilliant. I mean it's easy, it's fast, we can do stamps. Fantastic! Great idea! OK, so what do we have here? Obviously, we started here with Earth, and then we have Air and Fire and so on. So everyone had this little names and their stamps. Very good business model. But see, on their spare time, they also decorated guitars with other signs, very similar to the ones that we already used for them. So one night, when my predecessor was standing around here in the middle, he was thrusting singing and dancing and throwing kisses all over the place, there was a sound over at stage left. Confusing, eh? Stage left? Do you know what that sound was, over here? It was ladies' voices –and I guess a few guys, too– that said "Alpha… I want you, Alpha… I want to be your Ghoulette, Alpha." Eh? You talking about Fire? So Mister Fire had a new name un-christened by the girls in our audience. So please, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Alpha! We have a guy in our band who usually plays the bass on stage, but on his spare time he likes to insult us all by showing off how great of a fucking guitar player he actually is. Please, give it up for the multi-talented A Nameless Ghoul called Water! Around the same time I heard those noises from stage left, there was also a little murmur from stage right– that's your part of the audience. I saw voluptuous women… was heaving their breasts, and they were chanting the same word. Do you know what that word was? Yes… "Omega… Take me right here and right now, Omega!" So please, ladies and genitals of Long Island, give it up for the Nameless Ghoul called Omega! So there you have it: Ghost. Huntington, New York, USA (April 15, 2016)

PAPA EMERITUS III: Right on. Not so shabby eh? What a good solo. I'm gonna tell a little story. When this band started out, the idea was simply for the band to have no names. Well, one person needed a name, so myself and my predecessors could have a name. We never really thought we would be popular enough to write autographs, but when time came to write autographs we had a fucking problem. So someone came up with the idea that maybe we could have the signs of the elements to sort of symbolize the different elements in the band. [PAPA NOISES] Not so dumb, actually a little bit clever. So you've already met, obviously, Earth, the drums, and Air being like the ambience, huh? Right? See? Clever. And then we continue, like, with Fire and such. Everybody got their names, and in times of boredom they started doing shit. One thing led to decorating their guitars with, actually, the sign of Fire�� triangle. And that was to correlate with the sign on the other side of the stage on the other guitar. But we will get to that. Bear with me. On one of our tours, sometime into our career –our successful career– we were attracting dudes, men, girls, and women. Everybody was having fun. I was having fun! I was dancing, I was singing –for the best of my ability– and I was thrusting, doing my best to scare you all. Then I heard this little noise. It was, I guess, mostly female voices here on this side of the stage. [AUDIENCE SCREAMS] It sounded kinda like that. But do you know what they said? [AUDIENCE: ALPHA!] Exactly. They said, "Alpha… Alpha… Alpha… Little triangle sign on the guitar, Alpha!" OK, so Fire had a new name, apparently. So, peoples of New Haven, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Alpha! Do you know what a bass is? That's the four-string guitar that makes your ass wobble. Good drums, good bass– that's usually the key to writing a good song. Our bass player likes to spend his time off stage by showing off how fucking great he is on guitar, to discontent of everyone. But please, give it up for the multi-talented a Nameless Ghoul called Water! Around about the same time we heard the Alpha nonsense over there, there was this murmur, lets just put it that way, over here. And then there was chests. Voluptuous women heave themselves against the railing. And they yelled what? [AUDIENCE: OMEGA!] Yes. "Omega… take me here, right now, Omega…" You're getting it. Right now! So please, Connecticut, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Omega! Are you not impressed? So-and-so. OK, we'll get to the good part now. New Haven, Connecticut, USA (April 16, 2016)

PAPA EMERITUS III: Yeah! Very, very good. I'm gonna tell you a story. This band started out with the intention of being, as far as the members went, nameless. Which didn't pose a big problem until the day came that we had a record out that people liked, so they wanted names to be written on the record. Well, maybe we can have like signs. Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute, we can even have signs that are representative of the elements. Ah! Great! Fucking brilliant! [PAPA NOISES] Simple, too. Maybe it can even have stamps and we can save a lot of time. Said and done. So I know we had Earth, air, and Fire, and so on. So it worked like a charm. On endless treks around the world, with nothing to do but work and roll, we did other things too. Well, they did other things. So they started decorating their guitars. One with the sign that also says fire. But it also correlated with a sign on the other side of the stage, so that makes it seem something different. Hold on there. One night in our ever-so-prosperous career, we had started to attract a lot of ladies. I was standing here in the middle doing my spiel and I heard this noise coming from stage left, as we say in the business. It was ladies who said– what do you think the ladies of stage left said? they said, "Alpha… Alpha… I want to be your Ghoulette, Alpha." So Mister Fire had a new name, because of the sign on his guitar. So, ladies and gentlemen, please give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Alpha! We'll get to the other symbol on the other guitar very, very shortly. But speaking of another guitar… Holding in his guitar, right now, a six-string axe when he's actually supposed to play something that has four strings on it, but he likes to insult everyone with the idea and the fact that he's a better guitar player than all of us. So please, give it up for the multi-talented a Nameless Ghoul called Water! About the same time when we heard that Alpha nonsense over there, I was thrusting here. I heard something else from stage right. There was a murmur. It came from voluptuous women.. who'd put their whoppers on the rim, and they'd say something very very strange for my ears. "Omega… Omega… Take me right here, right now, Omega!" So please, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Omega! Thank you. Niagara Falls, New York, USA (April 17, 2016)

PAPA EMERITUS III: My god, what a shredder! Alright… You've already met Earth and Air, so you get it, right, yeah? Elements, and so on? Fire? But some of them goes by additional names. Do you know what they usually yell, mostly female voices around here? [AUDIENCE: ALPHA!] Yes… So please, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Alpha! This tormentor of the axe usually torments the bass with his fingers of doom. Have you seen what his fingers can do? I'm sure you wish you were the one he was doing it to, huh? But now he's playing guitar, so please give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Water! Ladies of stage right flank, what do you usually say over here? What I usually hear over here is "Omega.... Copulate me right here, right now, Omega." But unfortunately, ladies, he's occupied playing the guitar. So please, ladies and genitals, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Omega! Houston, Texas, USA (April 27, 2016)

PAPA EMERITUS III: Yeah! Look at Mister Guitar Guy, here. Alright… I guess you smatasses understand what it's all about, right? Earth on the drums, Air on the keyboards, and so on. Do you know what ladies over here usually yell during our shows? Do you have a clue? What is your guess, darling? [AUDIENCE: PAPA!] Some of them yell 'Papa' too, but they usually yell something else, too. Are you clueless, all of you? "Alpha…" [AUDIENCE: OMEGA!] No, say 'Alpha', you stupid! There you go… They say "Alpha… I want to be your Ghoulette, Alpha!" So please, people of Alabama, give it up for a Nameless ghoul called Alpha! You know what a bass is, right? However, that is no bass. I assume that you know. This guy perfectly knows that he's not playing the bass right now. Because you see, he is very multi-talented. His fingers can do magic to basses, guitars… you tell me. So please, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Water! Alright, let's see if, uh, peoples of stage right is smarter than people of stage left. What are you yelling? [AUDIENCE: OMEGA!] Yes! It's usually accompanied by "Take me right here, right now, Omega!" Is that what you're saying? I see. Ladies and genitals of Alabama, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Omega! Birmingham, Alabama (May 2, 2016)

PAPA EMERITUS III: Yeah! Alright, have you understood the drill now? On the drums, Earth. On the keyboard, we have Air. And so it goes on according to the elements… correct. However, usually around this time of night, we hear women in heat from this side of the stage, and they're yelling out a name that doesn't really fit into the chemistry lesson, but it belongs on a campus– usually between the sheets. Do you know what these girls are yelling? [AUDIENCE: ALPHA!] Yes… that's exactly what they were yelling. They say "I want to be your Ghoulette, Alpha. Don't do the show, just come down here with me and make me happy." Please give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Alpha! We do have a bass player in the band, but he's kind of an overachiever, so he likes to spend his days in front of us playing guitar because he's really good at it. Please, people of Tennessee, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Water! When I look to my right, because confusingly that is stage left and that is stage right – for us– so when I cast an eye on stage right, I usually see big, big, big, big boppers. And they're yelling something… You girls know what that is? [AUDIENCE: OMEGA!] Yes… Yes… "You can breastfeed on me, Omega!" That is what they say! All of them! For some reason. So please, Tennessee, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Omega! Knoxville, Tennessee, USA (May 4, 2016)

PAPA EMERITUS III: Yeah! Alright… I know you have your heads screwed on here in Maryland, so I take it that you figured it out by now, right? It's the elements. Earth, Wind– Air, yes, and so on! But somehow… I heard different things coming out of the crowd every night, usually about here, the so-called stage left, because we see it the other way around, so we say stage left. There is a sound coming from the female parts of the audience of stage left. What do you think they say? Eh, no, they actually say something else. Can you try it again? You say "Alpha… Alpha… I want to be your Ghoulette, Alpha." "On the floor, right now," they say. "Come down here. Fuck that guitar shit! Come down and make me happy woman." So what do they say? [AUDIENCE: ALPHA!] Ladies and genitals, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Alpha! Our four-string axe tormentor… is now tormenting a G string. He does it very well. Please give it up for the multi-talented Nameless Ghoul called Water! Usually there 's murmur over at this side, too. You know what they're saying over here? Busty women, you say– what do you think they say? They're saying "Take me right here, right now, Omega," they say. Can you say that? Once more, give me one more try! [AUDIENCE: TAKE ME RIGHT HERE AND NOW, OMEGA!] Yes! That's what they say. So Baltimore, please give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Omega! Very good. Baltimore, Maryland (May 8, 2016)

PAPA EMERITUS III: Yeah! Eureka! What a fantastic solo! Alright… It is early in our relationship, but I think it's time that I test your mental powers. You're a smart bunch! By now, you figured it out, right? Earth, Air– elements, yes! Hon hon hon! Yes! Fantastic. However, to my confusion, one day I heard another name from this part of the stage. Do you know what they were calling out from here, stage left? Do you know what they say, what they yell, the females to our guitar player standing here? What? [AUDIENCE: ALPHA!] Yeah that's half of it. They say "I can take both shlong and balls at one time, Alpha! Just drop that guitar and give it all to me, instead." That's what they're saying, collectively, to my confusion. Richmond, Virginia, please give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Alpha! You're such foul mouths! I'm trying to keep it decent here. And speaking of nasty things, just look at this fingerwork! Not your fingers, your fingerwork. Our bass player here, who usually plays with four strings, he can handle six, he can handle 12… as if it was a vagina. Give it up for the multi-talented a Nameless Ghoul called Water! Magical fingers… What makes things even more confusing for me is hearing different things in my ears. Do you know what they're saying at this side of the venue –stage right, for us– do you know? You know what the whole sentence is? "Impregnate me right here, right now on this floor, Omega!" And that combined with the other sentence at the same is just fucking grief to me. Sounds fucking weird. But ladies and genitals, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Omega! Richmond, Virginia, USA (May 9, 2016)

PAPA EMERITUS III: Yeah! Alright see how smart you are… Have you figured it out now, then? If we have Earth and Wind, how do we continue? Those are the elements, yes! And you've already met Earth and Wind –or Air, if you want– and Fire and so on, yeah. But do you know what –especially the ladies here of so-called stage left– what they are yelling most of the time? What's that, honey? [AUDIENCE: ALPHA!] That's half of the sentence. They usually yell: "Omega, why don't you drop this rock business and just come down here on the floor and impregnate me, right here, right now?" That is what they yell. So uh, can you all yell that? [AUDIENCE YELLING] Alright, that's close enough. But ladies and gentlemen, please give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Alpha! Ladies, maybe you noticed that, uh, up until now, your ass has been shaking and wobbling like this. But now it's sort of stopped. It's because of those four strings that are not represented on stage right now, because the guy who usually makes your ass wobble is right now playing a guitar. So please give it up for the multi-talented A Nameless Ghoul called Water! So, ladies of stage right, what are you usually yelling? [AUDIENCE: OMEGA!] Again, that's just part of it. You have to learn the whole line: "Why don't you jizz all over my whoppers, Omega, right now?!" That is what they say. So say it! "Why. Don't. You. Jizz. All. Over. My. Whoppers. Right. Now. Omega?!" [EXACTLY ONE GUY IN THE AUDIENCE REPEATS IT] Right on, dude! Good work! Alright, Indianapolis, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Omega! Indianapolis, Indiana, USA (May 19, 2016)

#😭😭 THIS TOOK ME 3 DAYS PLEASE REBLOG THIS #papa emeritus iii #terzo #nameless ghoul #radley post #the band ghost lore #quotes

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knoxic · 8 months ago

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Teasing and Loving

Eris Vanserra x Reader

Summary: smut, Eris being a simp, smut, emotional talk, smut

wc: 2,8k

warnings: p in v, unprotected sex, trying for a baby (hinted at), oral (m and f receiving), cum eating, no beta

a/n: technically it was part of the How to be a High Lady series but it works better as a one shot imo

"Love?" Eris called out to her, pushing her office door far enough to fit his head in, at her nod he let himself in, closing the door behind him. "A letter arrived from Winter." He gently set the letter on her table, away from the other papers scattered around the place.

"Oh, what did they want?" She looked up from the book she was studying, catching the amused grin he tried to hide.

"I don't know, it's for you." He slid the letter closer to her as if to make a point.

"Ah, I'm still getting used to receiving letters like this..." She felt slightly embarrassed but brushed it off, she closed the book carefully and placed it aside before picking up the letter. Eris had made his way around her table and was leaning against it by her side, watching her every move.

"Hello, fellow High Lady! I was hoping we could spend some girl's time together, perhaps while our males discuss some court business, let them handle all the work for a while, now that we are allies, they ought to be friends too. So, what do you say? We could meet here in Winter and I could show you the wonders we have, or, you could show me what Autumn has been hiding all these years, Kal and I have always wanted to visit Autumn, the few hours we get to spend there for the meetings do not do it justice, that I'm sure of.

Eagerly waiting for your response,

Your fellow High Lady, Viviane."

"Viviane is asking if I want to spend some 'girl's time' with her," she giggled, "And I think Kallias finally crowned her High Lady." She showed Eris the letter, pointing to the first and last phrases.

"About time," Eris uttered, "Was starting to think he didn't have it in him."

"Eris." She gave him a pointed look. Sometimes his old self would come up, a natural response, they were both working on it.

"Habit, sorry." He smiled at her, faking innocence but quickly erupted into laughter, making her join him. It was so weird for him not having to insult someone at any opportunity encountered, that when he did, out of nowhere, it was funny.

"You're so stupid." She said, stomach cramping from how hard she was laughing.

"Darling, you marry this stupid, deal with it." Eris sighed, running a hand through his perfect hair trying to compose himself. "So, will you?"

"Yes, it's been way too long since I've had a girl's time." She started searching for some paper so she could write back to Viviane.

"Not to sound insecure or anything but... what exactly do you females do on your 'girl's time'?"

"Just girly things, males and our sex life, you know," she responded nonchalantly, "Last time I had one, one of my friends had even reenacted some scenes..." Eris' face at that moment was something she'd paid to see again. His eyes looked like they'd pop out of his head, his cheeks flushed redder than she'd ever seen before, his mouth was hanging open and he looked like a fish when he trying to talk.

"Relax, Eris! I'm just joking." She laughed, her belly protesting. She saw through watery eyes the moment Eris regained his composure, his smirk gave her a hint that they had a long night ahead.

Two big hands pulled her body up, making her squeal and laugh even harder. Eris picked her up and turned them both so he was now sitting on her chair, his lips kissed her neck while his hands found the ticklish spots around her body.

"You think you can fuck with me and not be punished for it, little witch?" His voice was rough with lust, her laughter died down and turned into soft moans.

"Careful, I might reenact what you'll do next with Viviane..." A hand smacked her cheek, the warm feeling of the scalding fire that ran through his veins made her shiver with goosebumps, the whisper of his slender fingers running up her spine only making her tremble harder. The effect Eris had on her was insane.

"Don't you dare. Not the time to play, love." He bit her shoulder. She nodded, knowing Eris wouldn't actually be mad at her for misbehaving, but he would be stressed, and while he'd never act like his father, an stressed Eris was more sad than anything, and she hated that. He was done being used and beaten, the stress he endured all these centuries was enough to mess with his head so hard that now he could barely bear feeling stressed.

She nodded against his neck, kissing and nuzzling his shoulder. In response, he tugged her closer to him, his fingers finally working on the buttons of her dress, pulling apart and setting her down on her desk to take their clothes off.

When Eris was done unbuttoning his shirt, her hands found his muscular chest, pushing him back, signaling for him to sit. She quickly got down on her knees, Eris purposely slipped the fabric of her dress where her knees would meet the floor, making sure they wouldn't hurt so much. Her fingers worked on the strings of his trousers, when they slipped inside the waistband, Eris lifted his hips for her to slip them out, his briefs following suit, during their undressing, Eris had also taken his boots off.

Her hands danced around his torso and tights, lightly scratching his skin, her fingers followed his happy trail before touching his cock, squeezing him the way he liked while running her hand up and down. His warm fingers caressed her arms, encouraging her to keep the pace.

After he was completely hard, she started licking his tip, running her tongue against the underside, slowly going down and licking the whole expanse of his member. His quiet sights and humming making her skin tingle, leaning away from him she admired her artwork, the way his skin was redder in certain spots, his breath was ragged even with so little action, his eyelids almost fully closed and his hair the same messy hair she saw at home. His vulnerability came with a messy version of Eris that would make anyone question if it was really him, his usually perfect styled hair seemed to have never seen a hairbrush, his enviable posture sometimes slumpy.

"Don't stop..." He whined, his head lolled from one side to another.

Taking pity on him, she brought her mouth back down, taking as much of him as she could, bobbing her head slowly, taking him deeper everytime she went down until her nose was pressed against him.

"Gods... What did I do to deserve you?" Eris mumbled, when she looked up, his eyes were fully closed and his mouth had formed a pleased smile.

Eris wasn't really into blowjobs, at least not like the other males she knew, he'd never refuse it of course, but he wasn't one to ask for it. She never asked and Eris never said anything, but she had an inkling that it might have something to do with his father, the way he viewed and treated females, Eris was bound to have heard and, perhaps, seen some disgusting things.

Her mate's hand gently cradled her head, not moving her, just holding. His hips twitched every time her mouth fully enveloped him, she noticed how much effort he was putting into not thrusting up.

"You can fuck my mouth if you want." Her voice was raspy and breathless when she spoke, immediately going back to sucking on him, paying special attention to his tip. His eyebrows furrowed like he was in pain, mouth opened in a silent moan, the muscular thighs under her finger tensed. Suddenly Eris was pushing her head away and yanking her up into his lap.

"For someone who claims to hate teasing, you're doing it way too well, sweetheart." His hands slipped through her hair until he had a good hold of the back of her head, he pushed her closer to his mouth, just enough that she could touch him if she stuck her tongue out, when she tried to lean in for a kiss, he pulled at her hair. He laughed at her pout and gave a mocking peck to her bottom lip, a mere brush that could never be called a kiss.

"You're mean, you know that?" She pushed at his chest, not exactly trying to push him away, all her strength went to keeping her smile at bay.

"But my love... someone needs to take that seriousness off your pretty face."

"You just say that because you can't be serious around me, I smell envy..." She sniffled jokingly, the only scent that filled her nose was arousal, the musk smell of Eris and the slick coating her thighs.

Eris giggled, throwing his head back, one of his hands left her waist to rest at his abdomen, his body convulsing with soft laughter. None of the males she met before laughed like that, in fact, she wasn't sure if they ever truly laughed. Eris, despite his upbringing, knew how to have a good laugh.

"Oh Gods... I couldn't have asked for a better mate." His head was still thrown back, if the sight of his body slumped in her chair didn't say anything, his relaxed smile sure did. "Kiss me." The hand that remained on her waist ran up to her cheek, "Kiss me." He repeated, bringing her head closer. "Drown me with the taste of you." Their tongues danced. "Make me forget how to breathe without your hands on me." Her hips lifted enough to take him inside her warm cunt, the feeling making them both groan. "My body is yours, my soul is yours, my heart is yours, take my mind too. My every thought is yours, everything I think is formulated with your face in my mind, everything I plan is thinking of you and us, our future, our family..."

Their heartbeats synchronized, their mouths dancing, the rhythm of her hips rocking their bodies, their chests collided with rapid breaths, hands here and there squeezing and feeling. "Eris–"

"Yes! Yes, yes, please!" His hands went back to her hips, helping her bounce on top of him, her head dropped to his shoulder, nodding.

Eris gasped, as pleasure threatened to push him off the edge, he braced an arm on her waist and lifted himself off her chair, his unoccupied hand pushed the paper off the desk, he'll help reorganize them later. Feeling the kisses she planted on his neck, combined with her sigh of pleasure when he slipped her down his cock, almost made his knees buckle.

He set her down onto the desk, curving an arm under her head, giving her time to adjust to the new position before he started to thrust, his forehead resting on hers, their breaths fanning each others faces.

Her hands ran the whole expanse of Eris' back, encouraging him to thrust into her, each snap of his hip against hers threatening to push her off the desk, the arm he slung under her head being the only thing keeping her from doing so. The intensity of having sex with Eris never failed to amaze her, she wasn't sure if it was because he was her mate, or if it was really just in his nature to be intense, probably both. Due his accidental edging, Eris already felt close to cuming, the fact that she kept squeezing him didn't help, he was sure she was doing it on purpose, brat, he really taught her well. He couldn't stop his hips from stuttering so he just stopped, resting his cock fully inside her, his head dropping to her chest to suck on her perky nipples, trying to pretend it was all in purpose, unfortunately for him, it didn't foul her. Her soft giggles filled his ears, both her hands moving to his head, running her fingers through his wild red hair.

"Have I already told you I love your messy hair?"

Eris pulled back from her breast to look at her, a expressionof shock on his face before a breath burst out of him, "My hair is not messy, love." He answered while giggling, thinking she was joking. She only rolled her eyes in response, moving her hips against his, Eris' mouth feel open, his eyes slammed shut.

"Close already?" She smiled up at him, knowing too well the effect she had on him. Her legs moved so she had a firm grip of him, now being able to move her hips better, squeezing his cock whenever he was pushed deep inside her.

"Keep doing that–" His words were cut off by a groan, "And I'll cum before you." Eris' whole body trembled.

"It's okay." She pulled his head closer to hers, nuzzling his nose before initiating a kiss. She doubled her efforts to make him cum, moving her hips harder and faster, licking into his mouth like an starved female.

Eris groaned, his body tensed, his knees buckled, his arms gave up and he fell fully against her, she could feel his thighs shaking and a hot liquid filling her cunt. She felt every spurt of cum, his cock throbbing, the way that even when he was finished he was still hard. As soon as he regained control of his legs, he trusted slowly into her, pushing his cum as deep as he could.

When he came down from his high, Eris pulled back from her mouth, not once had she stopped kissing him, his eyes roamed through her beautiful body, his hands squeezing her breasts and stomach, sliding down until his thumb met her clit, rubbing lazy circles on her, just enough to feel good.

Eris slid his cock off of her slowly, catching the small spurt of cum that came out and pushing it back inside her. After meeting her gaze one last time, he fell to his knees, his mouth placing gentle kisses and nibbles on her plump thighs.

His nose brushed her clit, their scents mingled together filled his nose, his tongue licked her slit like the starved male he was, slurping his own release mixed with her wetness. Her moans drew him insane, she was a quiet female so to know she made those beautiful noises because of him, was maddening. Her hands brushed his hair out of his face, careful fingers touching his pointed ear, making it twitch involuntarily. She felt more than heard her mate's groan, the vibration directly on her clit pushed her off the edge she didn't even know she was treading. Eris didn't stop, the pleasure building up inside her as if she never reached her release at all. His slender fingers pushing through her throbbing slit, curling into a spot inside her that made her see stars, after years of experience, Eris could definitely bring her orgasm after orgasm if he wanted to, and that's what he did. Pushing his fingers as deep as they'd go and pulling them out before she could slip off again, he played with her until he was sure she was too deep in pleasure to hold it back.

When he was done, she could barely feel her own body, still tingling with pleasure and her mind too fogged up. She felt warmth and his scent enveloped her, her cheek pressed into something hard, his heartbeat helped bring her back to herself. Eris' hand brushed her locks behind her ear, caressing her hair mindlessly, he planted kisses where he could reach, head, forehead, eyes, nose, until she stared back at him, eyes still shining as she smiled.

"That was good." She said, voice barely a whisper. Eris hummed in response, smiling back.

He helped her into his shirt, knowing she was too sensitive to wear her dress again. After that they went back to their chambers, still holding one another as they went. All the servants had gone to bed by now, so no one saw their half dressed High Lord and Lady walking through the corridors.

"Are you too tired for a bath?" Eris asked agaisnt her neck, never one to stay away from his mate. "Hungry? I can go make us something." He brushed her jawline with his nose, arms tightly holding her against him.

"Not too tired, and kind of hungry but I'd rather have you here with me." She answered with her eyes closed, bathing in the affection he poured on her.

"I'll draw us a bath, and then we'll go eat something." It was natural for them, so many times had Eris gone to visit her in the middle of the night with an empty stomach, right after finishing all of his work for the day. It only got worse when he became High Lord, so many things to be fixed that the only moment they got to themselves was at night, when Prythian was asleep.

Taglist: @callsigns-haze , @lilah-asteria , @mybestfriendmademe , @coldmermaidhologram , @rcarbo1 , @andreperez11 , @st4r-girl-official , @tenshis-cake , @pirana10 , @esposadomd lmk if you want to be added/removed

A/n²: I accidentally wrote "you can duck my mouth if you want"... and when I read it midway through the smut it was... cringe, I stopped writing. had to go feed the ducks

#eris vanserra x reader #eris x reader #eris smut #eris vanserra smut #acotar smut #acotar #eris acotar #eris fanfic #eris vanserra fanfic #eris vandaddy #eris vanserra

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holylulusworld · 3 months ago

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Not my Logan (1)

Summary: Problems with the Multiverse suck. Even more when it brings someone back who has been long gone.

Pairing: Worst Wolverine x Immortal!Reader, Deadpool x Reader (platonic or not. You know him.)

Warnings: angst, language, mentions of loss of loved ones, grief, cocky reader, Deadpool being a pain in the ass, violence, mentions of killings, multiverse chaos, world building

A/N: For my story, all X-Men died, except for the reader. She lives in the same universe as Deadpool from DP & Wolverine. I don’t follow canon. Live with it.

Square filled for the Wolverine bingo @buck-star created for me: Square 1: Claws

Not my Logan masterlist

“WADE! Wade Wilson! Stop right there!” You growl, ready to shoot the bastard breaking into your property. Well, technically it’s not your property. Or it is. Charles left it to you in his will. Not because you were his favorite X-Men, but because you are the last one standing.

You huff before jumping out of the window. Wade would’ve loved to stop and admire your superhero landing, but he’s busy chasing after a very pissed Wolverine.

“Wolvie, stop! She won’t understand! Fuck. Shit. I said, Stop!” Wade takes off his mask. He wheezes because all he did all day was chase after the worst Wolverine. Logan’s words, not his. “HEY! I didn’t tell you about her for you to run off. We still have a job to do!”

“WADE WILSON!” You start to run, seeing Wade kneel on the ground. He still tries to catch his breath as you storm toward him. “I’d kill you but watching you grow legs and arms is disgusting!”

Instead of decapitating his head or stabbing Wade, you slap the back of his head.

“Ouch, Y/N.” He complains loudly. Wade got stabbed and shot; he lost body parts but whines like a baby when you slap him.

“What are you doing here? No one is allowed to come here any longer. You know that.” You sniff when he slowly gets up. “Not since…”

“I get it, I get it!” Wade raises his hands in surrender before turning around to face you. His face is a mess as always, but you can’t help but smile, seeing a familiar face. If you’re honest, he’s the only friend (if you want to call the cocky motherfucker a friend) you’ve got left. “Extinction is hard.”

“What did you say?” You slap him across the face, earning another whine. “You are an insensitive asshole.”

“Sweetheart, we both know you would have outlived all of them, no matter what. It just happened a little earlier this way.” Wade shrugs before putting his mask back on.

You run one hand down your face and huff. “What do you want, Wade? Is the world on fire, or did you lose a ball again?”

“No jokes about a man’s balls,” he points a gloved finger at you. “But yes, the world is ending once again. Or not. I mean… It depends.” Wade babbles as you put your hands on your hips.

“What did you do? I bet you messed with the timeline again, huh?” you snap at Wade. “Because that worked out so well last time. I told you to not fuck with timelines and shit. The dead shouldn’t come back.”

“Oh, about that,” Wade nervously chuckles. “I swear I didn’t resurrect anyone, but…uh…you see. Maybe, and I’m not saying it happened. But maybe I was hopping through different universes to find an anchor to save our universe from destruction.”

“Wade.” You close your eyes and inhale sharply. “Whom did you bring here, and do I have to kill them?”

“No, no! You cannot kill him,” Wade hastily says. “I came here for a short break. You see, bad guys are after our cute asses, and this is the safest place I know.”

“Christ on a cracker, WADE!” You kick his shin. “I’ve been out of this business for years.” You dip your head, hearing someone sneak closer. “Why would you bring anyone here? This is a lost place. Dead and forgotten. Just like me and the rest of the X-Men. Just like—”

Twirling around, you ready yourself to attack the person sneaking toward you and Wade.

Your body goes stiff, and you whimper, facing the man you lost so many years ago.

“No…” You step back and shake your head. “No…no. Wade. Out of all the people you could bring here…you do this to me?!”

“I swear, if I had a choice, I’d never do this to you. But—” Wade sighs and points at the worst Logan, he brought to your universe. “He wouldn’t believe me. Logan said you must be dead here too.”

You wrinkle your nose. “I cannot die. I am…immortal. My Wolverine would know that.”

The man, looking so much like your one true love, dips his head. He has the same body, the same eyes, and the same claws. Hell, he even wears the same fucking suit. But he’s not your Logan. He’ll never be your Logan.

“Go away. Both of you. Whatever will happen to this universe is not my problem. Maybe I can finally rest then too.”

You turn around to walk away, leaving Wade and Logan’s clone behind.

“Wait, Y/N!” Wade jogs after you. “I know you’re angry, but I couldn’t stop him. If there’s only a tiny piece of the undefeatable Y/N still inside of you, help us. Help me save my friends and this world.”

“Your friends,” you say, your heart heavy with sadness and grief. You glance at the photo Wade shows you, swallowing thickly.

“If there was a way to save your friends, you’d do anything, right?” Wade presses on. Even though he knows it’s a low blow, he cannot shelter you or your feelings. You’re his only chance to convince Logan to help him and get his clones off his back. “Please help me…”

“What the fuck is that?” You dip your head to look at the ugliest dog you have ever seen. “Uh—is that thing even alive?” Crouching down, you poke the dog’s nose with your index finger. “Who did this to you, little pug?”

“I think he was born this way?” Wade chuckles while picking the dog up. “And he’s not ugly. Dogpool is the sweetest.”

“Y/N. How?” Logan finally found his voice. He steps closer to you and Wade, not looking you in the eyes. “Why did you do it?!” He yells before jumping at you.

Logan tackles you to the ground to ram his claws into your sides. He growls like an animal, stabbing you again and again.

“What’s his problem?” You laugh as Logan tries to kill you. His claws dig deep into your flesh, but it doesn’t do much damage.

“Uh—from what I heard, you killed his people because he didn’t love you or shit?” Wade shrugs before letting the dog lick his face.

“YOU!” Logan growls. He slides his claws back in to slam his fists into the ground. Again, and again, and again. You can hear bones crack and flesh tear. “Why don’t you die?”

Logan looks at you, shaking his head. “You’re not her…”

“I assume in your world, I was mortal,” you sit up and push Logan away. While you slowly get up, he watches you with tears in his eyes. “In this world, my Logan would’ve cut your head off for touching me.”

“After we introduced ourselves, we should talk about the guys wanting to end this world. Come on, sweetheart. You know you want to help your Deadpool.”

“You’re annoying as fuck,” you huff while rubbing dirt off your ass. “If you keep that thing in line.” You jerk your head toward Logan kneeling on the ground. “We can talk.”

“She’s not her…” Logan repeats. “Not her…”

“You sound like a broken record,” you say and slap the back of Logan’s head. “And for the record, you’re not my Logan either…”

Part 2

Tags in reblog.

#wolverine #deadpool #wolverine x reader #logan howlett #logan howlett x reader #logan howlett x you #Not my Logan (1)#wolverine angst

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commandershepardvasfuckit · 5 months ago

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An Arranged Marriage, part 24

1.2k words

Things may have not gone to plan, but you finally felt close to Zen.

(I am feral over my own character, ask box is always open for talking about my writing or just monster fucking in general!)

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A warm fire crackled in the hearth as you sat on Zen’s lap, both still naked. He was warming up the food he had brought home for dinner and you did not want to separate from him when he had gotten up from the bed. You cuddled against his chest while he reached around you to place everything at the edges of the hearth to warm up.

“Aren’t you cold just sitting on the floor?” you asked.

“Not with the hearth lit, and you are keeping me warm” he gave you a quick nuzzle.

A new layer of comfort had settled between the two of you, no barriers remained. Things did not exactly go as planned, but that hardly mattered now. All that remained now was room to grow.

Zen handed you food as it was ready, minced meat and vegetables wrapped in some sort of pastry, while he hummed his usual song.

“You got home early today” you pointed out to him.

“Bira came by and told me I needed to go home and check on something.”

“And you still stopped for food on the way home?”

“It did not seem like an emergency and we still need to eat” he shrugged.

You could not help but laugh a bit. Both Bira and Ba’tual had pointed out a few times that Zen used to skip meals most days, too caught up in everything else to take care of himself. It was not that he looked scrawny or anything when you first met, but now that he was eating well and sleeping through the night he sure did look a lot healthier.

He kept an arm wrapped around you to hold you close while he ate too, which was cozy, though you did have a complaint.

“You’re getting crumbs in my hair” you said and tried to brush them off.

“And I will help you get them out after too” he said.

The two of you sat in comfortable silence at the hearth for a while, Zen’s tusks tapped against the sides of your head while he tried to kiss the top of your head. With the sun starting to set the familiar chill started to set in.

“How about I run a hot bath for us?” Zen offered as if reading your mind.

You nodded against his chest and let him pick you up. Even from this awkward angle with you siting on his lap he lifted you with ease.

The warm water of the bath felt good against your cool skin while Zen washed your hair, getting the crumbs out as promised. Between the feeling of him purring while you leaned back against his chest and him playing with your hair you could have easily fallen asleep like that.

“You look comfortable” Zen said.

“I am” you answered.

“I like that, I like that you are comfortable here and around me” he said as he helped rinse the shampoo from your hair.

“Did you ever plan on getting married, like in general?” you asked.

“I have planned on very few things in my life, things just happen and I pray that they work out.”

“Like this?”

“Like this” he repeated, “And I am very happy things are working out. But you expected to marry, right?”

“I did, and when I was little my family did come to an agreement with another family that if their son could make a name for himself and climb the ranks in the royal navy I would be promised to him.”

“And you were alright with that?”

“It’s just life. He’s from a good family so it would have been a good match” you shrugged.

“Am I a good match?”

You had not put much thought into it truthfully, no more thought than that you were marrying someone who was not human. “Well, you’re a representative on the king’s council and the avatar of a god, so technically I might have married above my station.”

“And that is a good thing?” he asked cautiously.

“Technically this is a very good marriage for me.”

“Technically?”

“Yes, in theory this is a good marriage for me because I married up. But honestly you’re just a really good husband Zen.”

He wrapped his arms around you tightly and pulled you as close as he could without crushing you, “I am trying to be” he said against the side of your head.

You stayed entwined in the tub until the water started to cool. Zen got out first to dry off and relight the hearth to make sure the main room was warm enough for you before coming back to help you out of the tub and dry off.

He tucked you into bed, pulling the covered over you both and then pulled you on top of his chest. His hands were warm on the bare skin of your back while he absentmindedly rubbed your back and occasionally nuzzled his jaw against the top of your head.

It was always just calm being with him. Zen was never in a hurry with anything, well except for earlier. Earlier when he could not keep his hands off of you. Earlier when he eagerly undressed you. When he pressed against you and grinded against you. How direct and needy he was.

You leaned up to kiss his neck and he happily tilted his head to the side to let you reach better. His pulse was strong just under his skin and soft against your lips. By the time you had reached to nip along his jaw he was softly moaning and his hands had traveled down from your back down to your hips so he could really pull you close.

“And what are you up to my lovely wife?” he asked and you could feel the vibrations from his purring.

You did not answer, but instead reached up to pull his hair, making him bare more of his throat to you.

“You are so pushy for such a little thing, I like it” he chuckled.

At this point you were straddling his chest with how far up you had scooted to reach him. The vibrations from his purring were going straight to your clit and only encourage you to grind against him. You had been so ready earlier, so wet and excited to feel his thick cock fill you now that you were ready. It had been so disappointing when you had to stop that afternoon, the first few inches had felt incredible before he got to be too much.

“Are we picking back up from earlier then?” he asked.

“I want you” was all you could manage.

He tilted your face up so you could see him and gave you such a smirk, “Good, because all I have been able to think about for the last few hours was you riding me until you scream my name and then claiming you properly.”

His words made your cunt clench around nothing, a fire lit in your belly at the thought of him claiming you.

“Get on your back” he panted in your ear, “I am going to make sure that you are ready for me this time.”

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Part 25

Tag list

@blushycadaver @hazyspacefairy @littlelovebug98 @tufflepuff23 @graveblanketgreen @lets-imagineastory @emonatural191 @lovingbadguys @after-laughter-come-tears @plathsotherib @krayziee @zaqnette @mochalyluv @nogoatsnoglori (doesn’t want to let me tag mocha or nogoats)

#monster fucker #monster lover #teratophillia #terato #monster x reader #monster smut #monster husband #monster boyfriend

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ateez-himari · 1 month ago

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250401; WARM MORNING

[NEW MESSAGES FROMM MINGI]

[AM 8:13] my angel ran away seeing the camera, she felt a little sleepy after setting an entire corporation on fire 🎀 please admire our matching calvin klein

[AM 8:13] on her wrist it's a vibrating couple bracelet used to get her attention or warn her whenever I enter the room so she doesn't get scared. getting startled can become overwhelming to the point of isolating herself so I try to avoid it

[AM 8:13] I accidentally tapped it against the counter this morning and it woke her up, don't worry I apologized a lot with pancakes, kisses and warm coffee

[AM 8:14] Hima hasn't been sleeping well the past few days, her hearing aid started glitching lately so another one is being made but for the time being she can't hear properly and being in noisy environments is very painful

[AM 8:14] that's why she was looking at the sign language interpreter often yesterday, almost every question the reporters asked were incomprehensible to her

[AM 8:15] we're not at the dorms, this is our new condo. we unfortunately can't stay there all the time but we'll use it during times where we have no schedules

[AM 8:15] ㅎㅎ it's a very informal announcement but yes technically we moved in together, and though it's not permanent yet we do have a place of our own now

[AM 8:17] sorry tiny the tour will have to wait, I'm really worried about my angel so I'm trying to keep the environment quiet. at this point whispering can be painful

[AM 8:18] not necessarily in the sense of physical pain, but she has trouble locating the sound, understanding speech, and volume is also distorted so it's confusing

[AM 8:19] the staff was very gentle with her during the prank so it reassured me, in situations like these when sound needs to be anticipated she gets very anxious

[AM 8:19] the other dorms are also somewhat noisy so I think that's why her personal bodyguard insisted they move her in with Yunho and Yeosang

[AM 8:20] I don't really know if she's sleeping right now, she came to sit on my lap in the couch a few minutes ago but since her head is in the crook of my neck I can't see her, I can only feel her breathing on my skin

[AM 8:20] it's very calm so I think she might be asleep or at the very least resting well, I might join her very soon, she's so warm

[AM 8:21] engaged? ㅎㅎ where did you guys get that? maybe we are, maybe we aren't...all that I can say is that we're not planning on getting married soon

[AM 8:21] I wouldn't say that definitely means we're not engaged, I would have no problem staying as fiancés until enlistment, maybe even after

[AM 8:21] I'll leave you with this thought Tiny, she's stirring in my arms ㅎㅎ I think it's time for us to go make breakfast, please don't worry I'll take care of her

#ateez au #ateez imagines #ateez 9th member #ateez extra member #ateez female member #kpop oc #HimaFromm♡#HimaSocial♡

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romor · 1 year ago

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I'm starting to think people don't understand that adaptations have to be different. Did netflix have the same amount of time as Book 1 to work with? Technically yes, but 20 episodes is for sure more than 8 so they didn't.

If you are constantly comparing it to the original and upset about the changes. Then for sure the netflix adaptation is not for you.

I've seen some bad adaptations over the years, for example my favorite book is Inkheart. Even the 2010 Avatar movie is a better adaptation than Inkheart's.

Conclusion it's a pretty good series, if you like the original, if you can watch it without constantly comparing it to the original you will enjoy it more.

Editing to add to this since so many have said something.

Inkheart is not a horrible movie, but it is a bad adaptation. Fantastic cast, with no loyalty to the source material.

There is a difference between adapting a story, and remaking it. This is literally being referred to as the netflix adaptation, so clearly it's not a remake. Because it is an adaptation, changes are expected. It would be stupid to expect a copy and paste story.

The changes make sense, because if you want book 2, and only have 8 episodes to work, you have to make a lot happen. The original show has clear start and end points for the events that occur (aka you know that start of the episode and the end). That's fine, when you have 20 episodes to work with, each 20 minutes. That doesn't work with 8 episodes each 1 hour (or about an hour). It doesn't translate to smooth storytelling. A lot of important things occur in book 1, but let's not forget that book 1 is also more episodic vs the rest of the series. In fact don't we often say "it gets better," about the book 1? What I am saying, a lot has to happen in the first season to set up not just season 2, but season 3. They did really good making sure those events happened.

I don't mind the mixing of plot because they didn't have much of a choice if they wanted a cohesive plot. I would also like to add I'm so glad the removed the northern air temple episode's setting. Never felt right with me.

I'm not saying don't compare them because it's impossible not to. I'm saying that if you are constantly going to be thinking of everything they changed, if you think the original series is so perfect. So unflawed, that how dare they even try. If you are going to be watching it already offended that they decided to even touch it. This adaptation is not for you.

If you were like me and wished that fire did in fact burn everytime it touched someone. If you are like me and thought the original series was too light-hearted for its plot. Then you will enjoy it. It's a fun adaptation, that keeps as loyal to its source material as it can be.

Yes I have my issues with it, but that doesn't mean it wasn't a fun watch.

#natla #atla #avatar the last airbender

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lovelyjj · 3 months ago

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Just Doing My Job

Stuntman!JJ Maybank x Director!reader

requested by @thornyrose463

Being a movie director had its perks. You loved your job, you really did. You had all the power. You always had to make sure all the actors were good and all the technical aspects of the scene were good.

JJ was smitten. He had a massive crush on you. He was way to nervous to act on it though. JJ was a stuntman on the set you worked on. JJ was great at his job. He excelled at it. He was excited because he got to work with you everyday.

JJ was doing a particularly hard stunt. He had to fall from a tall height. JJ was a professional he had this in the bag. “Alright action,” you yelled. JJ fell and landed on an air mattress. “And cut.” “Very nicely done JJ,” you complimented.

“Thank you,” JJ replied. JJ’s next stunt was a car crash. The car was also going to explode. JJ knew it was going to be a little difficult but he knew he was going to nail it. You called out action and JJ preformed his stunt beautifully.

“Hey JJ, come here we’re gonna talk about the scene,” you called out to him.

JJ always got so flustered around you. He just got really nervous because you were so pretty and he thought so highly of you. “Okay.”

“So how do you think you did?”

“Oh um I-i i think i did okay, what did you think?” JJ asked.

“Well there’s some points I have to discuss with you but overall i think it went well.”

JJ was trying to get the nerve to ask you out. He just was so scared you would judge him. He also didn’t want to ruin the work relationship he had with you. He was already awkward enough he couldn’t imagine if things got even more awkward.

“Thank you,” JJ responded.

“Hey JJ, great job today. Get some rest for a good day tomorrow,” you ordered.

“Yes m’am.”

——————

The next work day went well. JJ wasn’t doing as many stunts as yesterday but he still had to be there because he was doing some stunts. You arrived early to get a jump start on the day. JJ watched you as you worked, not in a creepy way in an endearing way.

The work day trudged on. You did your job as director. Being the boss and directing the actors. After a while you told them to take 5. This is where JJ came up to you.

“Hey uh how are you?” JJ bit his lip nervously.

“I’m hanging in there,” you responded.

“Anything I can do to help?” JJ asked fiddling with his fingers.

“Oh no i’m good just working hard,” you smiled. JJ thought it was the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen.

JJ was trying to get the courage to talk to you more he was just so nervous. He was determined to ask you out the next time he saw you.

—————

JJ was back doing his stunts. It was the next work day and he was on fire. Literally. It was a new stunt for the movie and he was killing it. He was very good at his job and you were impressed. With his adrenaline from the stunt he found himself walking towards you.

After his scene he went up to you and nervously asked if he can have a word. Of course you said sure like it was the most easy thing to say.

Now JJ was scared because of the chance of possible rejection but also what would happen to your work relationship. He ultimately decided that it was worth it to even get the chance to ask you out.

“Um i was just wondering if you wanted to go out with me sometime. Maybe we can go grab some coffee, i i don’t know only if you want to.”

“I thought you’d never ask,” you grinned.

“Rrreally? you’d like too? you want to?”

“Yes of course.”

When you agreed on a day the two of you went out. JJ charmed you. He was a gentleman the whole time. And it was safe to say there will be a second date.

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mostlysignssomeportents · 1 year ago

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My McLuhan lecture on enshittification

IT'S THE LAST DAY for the Kickstarter for the audiobook of The Bezzle, the sequel to Red Team Blues, narrated by @wilwheaton! You can pre-order the audiobook and ebook, DRM free, as well as the hardcover, signed or unsigned. There's also bundles with Red Team Blues in ebook, audio or paperback.

youtube

Last night, I gave the annual Marshall McLuhan lecture at the Transmediale festival in Berlin. The event was sold out and while there's a video that'll be posted soon, they couldn't get a streaming setup installed in the Canadian embassy, where the talk was held:

https://transmediale.de/en/2024/event/mcluhan-2024

The talk went of fabulously, and was followed by commentary from Frederike Kaltheuner (Human Rights Watch) and a discussion moderated by Helen Starr. While you'll have to wait a bit for the video, I thought that I'd post my talk notes from last night for the impatient among you.

I want to thank the festival and the embassy staff for their hard work on an excellent event. And now, on to the talk!

Last year, I coined the term 'enshittification,' to describe the way that platforms decay. That obscene little word did big numbers, it really hit the zeitgeist. I mean, the American Dialect Society made it their Word of the Year for 2023 (which, I suppose, means that now I'm definitely getting a poop emoji on my tombstone).

So what's enshittification and why did it catch fire? It's my theory explaining how the internet was colonized by platforms, and why all those platforms are degrading so quickly and thoroughly, and why it matters – and what we can do about it.

We're all living through the enshittocene, a great enshittening, in which the services that matter to us, that we rely on, are turning into giant piles of shit.

It's frustrating. It's demoralizing. It's even terrifying.

I think that the enshittification framework goes a long way to explaining it, moving us out of the mysterious realm of the 'great forces of history,' and into the material world of specific decisions made by named people – decisions we can reverse and people whose addresses and pitchfork sizes we can learn.

Enshittification names the problem and proposes a solution. It's not just a way to say 'things are getting worse' (though of course, it's fine with me if you want to use it that way. It's an English word. We don't have der Rat für Englisch Rechtschreibung. English is a free for all. Go nuts, meine Kerle).

But in case you want to use enshittification in a more precise, technical way, let's examine how enshittification works.

It's a three stage process: First, platforms are good to their users; then they abuse their users to make things better for their business customers; finally, they abuse those business customers to claw back all the value for themselves. Then, they die.

Let's do a case study. What could be better than Facebook?

Facebook is a company that was founded to nonconsensually rate the fuckability of Harvard undergrads, and it only got worse after that.

When Facebook started off, it was only open to US college and high-school kids with .edu and k-12.us addresses. But in 2006, it opened up to the general public. It told them: “Yes, I know you’re all using Myspace. But Myspace is owned by Rupert Murdoch, an evil, crapulent senescent Australian billionaire, who spies on you with every hour that God sends.

“Sign up with Facebook and we will never spy on you. Come and tell us who matters to you in this world, and we will compose a personal feed consisting solely of what those people post for consumption by those who choose to follow them.”

That was stage one. Facebook had a surplus — its investors’ cash — and it allocated that surplus to its end-users. Those end-users proceeded to lock themselves into FB. FB — like most tech businesses — has network effects on its side. A product or service enjoys network effects when it improves as more people sign up to use it. You joined FB because your friends were there, and then others signed up because you were there.

But FB didn’t just have high network effects, it had high switching costs. Switching costs are everything you have to give up when you leave a product or service. In Facebook’s case, it was all the friends there that you followed and who followed you. In theory, you could have all just left for somewhere else; in practice, you were hamstrung by the collective action problem.

It’s hard to get lots of people to do the same thing at the same time. You and your six friends here are going to struggle to agree on where to get drinks after tonight's lecture. How were you and your 200 Facebook friends ever gonna agree on when it was time to leave Facebook, and where to go?

So FB’s end-users engaged in a mutual hostage-taking that kept them glued to the platform. Then FB exploited that hostage situation, withdrawing the surplus from end-users and allocating it to two groups of business customers: advertisers, and publishers.

To the advertisers, FB said, 'Remember when we told those rubes we wouldn’t spy on them? We lied. We spy on them from asshole to appetite. We will sell you access to that surveillance data in the form of fine-grained ad-targeting, and we will devote substantial engineering resources to thwarting ad-fraud. Your ads are dirt cheap to serve, and we’ll spare no expense to make sure that when you pay for an ad, a real human sees it.'

To the publishers, FB said, 'Remember when we told those rubes we would only show them the things they asked to see? We lied!Upload short excerpts from your website, append a link, and we will nonconsensually cram it into the eyeballs of users who never asked to see it. We are offering you a free traffic funnel that will drive millions of users to your website to monetize as you please, and those users will become stuck to you when they subscribe to your feed.' And so advertisers and publishers became stuck to the platform, too, dependent on those users.

The users held each other hostage, and those hostages took the publishers and advertisers hostage, too, so that everyone was locked in.

Which meant it was time for the third stage of enshittification: withdrawing surplus from everyone and handing it to Facebook’s shareholders.

For the users, that meant dialing down the share of content from accounts you followed to a homeopathic dose, and filling the resulting void with ads and pay-to-boost content from publishers.

For advertisers, that meant jacking up prices and drawing down anti-fraud enforcement, so advertisers paid much more for ads that were far less likely to be seen by a person.

For publishers, this meant algorithmically suppressing the reach of their posts unless they included an ever-larger share of their articles in the excerpt, until anything less than fulltext was likely to be be disqualified from being sent to your subscribers, let alone included in algorithmic suggestion feeds.

And then FB started to punish publishers for including a link back to their own sites, so they were corralled into posting fulltext feeds with no links, meaning they became commodity suppliers to Facebook, entirely dependent on the company both for reach and for monetization, via the increasingly crooked advertising service.

When any of these groups squawked, FB just repeated the lesson that every tech executive learned in the Darth Vader MBA: 'I have altered the deal. Pray I don’t alter it any further.'

Facebook now enters the most dangerous phase of enshittification. It wants to withdraw all available surplus, and leave just enough residual value in the service to keep end users stuck to each other, and business customers stuck to end users, without leaving anything extra on the table, so that every extractable penny is drawn out and returned to its shareholders.

But that’s a very brittle equilibrium, because the difference between “I hate this service but I can’t bring myself to quit it,” and “Jesus Christ, why did I wait so long to quit? Get me the hell out of here!” is razor thin

All it takes is one Cambridge Analytica scandal, one whistleblower, one livestreamed mass-shooting, and users bolt for the exits, and then FB discovers that network effects are a double-edged sword.

If users can’t leave because everyone else is staying, when when everyone starts to leave, there’s no reason not to go, too.

That’s terminal enshittification, the phase when a platform becomes a pile of shit. This phase is usually accompanied by panic, which tech bros euphemistically call 'pivoting.'

Which is how we get pivots like, 'In the future, all internet users will be transformed into legless, sexless, low-polygon, heavily surveilled cartoon characters in a virtual world called "metaverse," that we ripped off from a 25-year-old satirical cyberpunk novel.'

That's the procession of enshittification. If enshittification were a disease, we'd call that enshittification's "natural history." But that doesn't tell you how the enshittification works, nor why everything is enshittifying right now, and without those details, we can't know what to do about it.

What led to the enshittocene? What is it about this moment that led to the Great Enshittening? Was it the end of the Zero Interest Rate Policy? Was it a change in leadership at the tech giants? Is Mercury in retrograde?

None of the above.

The period of free fed money certainly led to tech companies having a lot of surplus to toss around. But Facebook started enshittifying long before ZIRP ended, so did Amazon, Microsoft and Google.

Some of the tech giants got new leaders. But Google's enshittification got worse when the founders came back to oversee the company's AI panic (excuse me, 'AI pivot').

And it can't be Mercury in retrograde, because I'm a cancer, and as everyone knows, cancers don't believe in astrology.

When a whole bunch of independent entities all change in the same way at once, that's a sign that the environment has changed, and that's what happened to tech.

Tech companies, like all companies, have conflicting imperatives. On the one hand, they want to make money. On the other hand, making money involves hiring and motivating competent staff, and making products that customers want to buy. The more value a company permits its employees and customers to carve off, the less value it can give to its shareholders.

The equilibrium in which companies produce things we like in honorable ways at a fair price is one in which charging more, worsening quality, and harming workers costs more than the company would make by playing dirty.

There are four forces that discipline companies, serving as constraints on their enshittificatory impulses.

First: competition. Companies that fear you will take your business elsewhere are cautious about worsening quality or raising prices.

Second: regulation. Companies that fear a regulator will fine them more than they expect to make from cheating, will cheat less.

These two forces affect all industries, but the next two are far more tech-specific.

Third: self-help. Computers are extremely flexible, and so are the digital products and services we make from them. The only computer we know how to make is the Turing-complete Von Neumann machine, a computer that can run every valid program.

That means that users can always avail themselves of programs that undo the anti-features that shift value from them to a company's shareholders. Think of a board-room table where someone says, 'I've calculated that making our ads 20% more invasive will net us 2% more revenue per user.'

In a digital world, someone else might well say 'Yes, but if we do that, 20% of our users will install ad-blockers, and our revenue from those users will drop to zero, forever.'

This means that digital companies are constrained by the fear that some enshittificatory maneuver will prompt their users to google, 'How do I disenshittify this?'

Fourth and finally: workers. Tech workers have very low union density, but that doesn't mean that tech workers don't have labor power. The historical "talent shortage" of the tech sector meant that workers enjoyed a lot of leverage over their bosses. Workers who disagreed with their bosses could quit and walk across the street and get another job – a better job.

They knew it, and their bosses knew it. Ironically, this made tech workers highly exploitable. Tech workers overwhelmingly saw themselves as founders in waiting, entrepreneurs who were temporarily drawing a salary, heroic figures of the tech mission.

That's why mottoes like Google's 'don't be evil' and Facebook's 'make the world more open and connected' mattered: they instilled a sense of mission in workers. It's what Fobazi Ettarh calls 'vocational awe, 'or Elon Musk calls being 'extremely hardcore.'

Tech workers had lots of bargaining power, but they didn't flex it when their bosses demanded that they sacrifice their health, their families, their sleep to meet arbitrary deadlines.

So long as their bosses transformed their workplaces into whimsical 'campuses,' with gyms, gourmet cafeterias, laundry service, massages and egg-freezing, workers could tell themselves that they were being pampered – rather than being made to work like government mules.

But for bosses, there's a downside to motivating your workers with appeals to a sense of mission, namely: your workers will feel a sense of mission. So when you ask them to enshittify the products they ruined their health to ship, workers will experience a sense of profound moral injury, respond with outrage, and threaten to quit.

Thus tech workers themselves were the final bulwark against enshittification,

The pre-enshittification era wasn't a time of better leadership. The executives weren't better. They were constrained. Their worst impulses were checked by competition, regulation, self-help and worker power.

So what happened?

One by one, each of these constraints was eroded until it dissolved, leaving the enshittificatory impulse unchecked, ushering in the enshittoscene.

It started with competition. From the Gilded Age until the Reagan years, the purpose of competition law was to promote competition. US antitrust law treated corporate power as dangerous and sought to blunt it. European antitrust laws were modeled on US ones, imported by the architects of the Marshall Plan.

But starting in the neoliberal era, competition authorities all over the world adopted a doctrine called 'consumer welfare,' which held that monopolies were evidence of quality. If everyone was shopping at the same store and buying the same product, that meant it was the best store, selling the best product – not that anyone was cheating.

And so all over the world, governments stopped enforcing their competition laws. They just ignored them as companies flouted them. Those companies merged with their major competitors, absorbed small companies before they could grow to be big threats. They held an orgy of consolidation that produced the most inbred industries imaginable, whole sectors grown so incestuous they developed Habsburg jaws, from eyeglasses to sea freight, glass bottles to payment processing, vitamin C to beer.

Most of our global economy is dominated by five or fewer global companies. If smaller companies refuse to sell themselves to these cartels, the giants have free rein to flout competition law further, with 'predatory pricing' that keeps an independent rival from gaining a foothold.

When Diapers.com refused Amazon's acquisition offer, Amazon lit $100m on fire, selling diapers way below cost for months, until diapers.com went bust, and Amazon bought them for pennies on the dollar, and shut them down.

Competition is a distant memory. As Tom Eastman says, the web has devolved into 'five giant websites filled with screenshots of text from the other four,' so these giant companies no longer fear losing our business.

Lily Tomlin used to do a character on the TV show Laugh In, an AT&T telephone operator who'd do commercials for the Bell system. Each one would end with her saying 'We don't care. We don't have to. We're the phone company.'

Today's giants are not constrained by competition.

They don't care. They don't have to. They're Google.

That's the first constraint gone, and as it slipped away, the second constraint – regulation – was also doomed.

When an industry consists of hundreds of small- and medium-sized enterprises, it is a mob, a rabble. Hundreds of companies can't agree on what to tell Parliament or Congress or the Commission. They can't even agree on how to cater a meeting where they'd discuss the matter.

But when a sector dwindles to a bare handful of dominant firms, it ceases to be a rabble and it becomes a cartel.

Five companies, or four, or three, or two, or just one company finds it easy to converge on a single message for their regulators, and without "wasteful competition" eroding their profits, they have plenty of cash to spread around.

Like Facebook, handing former UK deputy PM Nick Clegg millions every year to sleaze around Europe, telling his former colleagues that Facebook is the only thing standing between 'European Cyberspace' and the Chinese Communist Party.

Tech's regulatory capture allows it to flout the rules that constrain less concentrated sectors. They can pretend that violating labor, consumer and privacy laws is fine, because they violate them with an app.

This is why competition matters: it's not just because competition makes companies work harder and share value with customers and workers, it's because competition keeps companies from becoming too big to fail, and too big to jail.

Now, there's plenty of things we don't want improved through competition, like privacy invasions. After the EU passed its landmark privacy law, the GDPR, there was a mass-extinction event for small EU ad-tech companies. These companies disappeared en masse, and that's fine.

They were even more invasive and reckless than US-based Big Tech companies. After all, they had less to lose. We don't want competition in commercial surveillance. We don't want to produce increasing efficiency in violating our human rights.

But: Google and Facebook – who pretend they are called Alphabet and Meta – have been unscathed by European privacy law. That's not because they don't violate the GDPR (they do!). It's because they pretend they are headquartered in Ireland, one of the EU's most notorious corporate crime-havens.

And Ireland competes with the EU other crime havens – Malta, Luxembourg, Cyprus and sometimes the Netherlands – to see which country can offer the most hospitable environment for all sorts of crimes. Because the kind of company that can fly an Irish flag of convenience is mobile enough to change to a Maltese flag if the Irish start enforcing EU laws.

Which is how you get an Irish Data Protection Commission that processes fewer than 20 major cases per year, while Germany's data commissioner handles more than 500 major cases, even though Ireland is nominal home to the most privacy-invasive companies on the continent.

So Google and Facebook get to act as though they are immune to privacy law, because they violate the law with an app; just like Uber can violate labor law and claim it doesn't count because they do it with an app.

Uber's labor-pricing algorithm offers different drivers different payments for the same job, something Veena Dubal calls 'algorithmic wage discrimination.' If you're more selective about which jobs you'll take, Uber will pay you more for every ride.

But if you take those higher payouts and ditch whatever side-hustle let you cover your bills which being picky about your Uber drives, Uber will incrementally reduce the payment, toggling up and down as you grow more or less selective, playing you like a fish on a line until you eventually – inevitably – lose to the tireless pricing robot, and end up stuck with low wages and all your side-hustles gone.

Then there's Amazon, which violates consumer protection laws, but says it doesn't matter, because they do it with an app. Amazon makes $38b/year from its 'advertising' system. 'Advertising' in quotes because they're not selling ads, they're selling placements in search results.

The companies that spend the most on 'ads' go to the top, even if they're offering worse products at higher prices. If you click the first link in an Amazon search result, on average you will pay a 29% premium over the best price on the service. Click one of the first four items and you'll pay a 25% premium. On average you have to go seventeen items down to find the best deal on Amazon.

Any merchant that did this to you in a physical storefront would be fined into oblivion. But Amazon has captured its regulators, so it can violate your rights, and say, "it doesn't count, we did it with an app"

This is where that third constraint, self-help, would sure come in handy. If you don't want your privacy violated, you don't need to wait for the Irish privacy regulator to act, you can just install an ad-blocker.

More than half of all web users are blocking ads. But the web is an open platform, developed in the age when tech was hundreds of companies at each others' throats, unable to capture their regulators.

Today, the web is being devoured by apps, and apps are ripe for enshittification. Regulatory capture isn't just the ability to flout regulation, it's also the ability to co-opt regulation, to wield regulation against your adversaries.

Today's tech giants got big by exploiting self-help measures. When Facebook was telling Myspace users they needed to escape Rupert Murdoch’s evil crapulent Australian social media panopticon, it didn’t just say to those Myspacers, 'Screw your friends, come to Facebook and just hang out looking at the cool privacy policy until they get here'

It gave them a bot. You fed the bot your Myspace username and password, and it would login to Myspace and pretend to be you, and scrape everything waiting in your inbox, copying it to your FB inbox, and you could reply to it and it would autopilot your replies back to Myspace.

When Microsoft was choking off Apple's market oxygen by refusing to ship a functional version of Microsoft Office for the Mac – so that offices were throwing away their designers' Macs and giving them PCs with upgraded graphics cards and Windows versions of Photoshop and Illustrator – Steve Jobs didn't beg Bill Gates to update Mac Office.

He got his technologists to reverse-engineer Microsoft Office, and make a compatible suite, the iWork Suite, whose apps, Pages, Numbers and Keynote could perfectly read and write Microsoft's Word, Excel and Powerpoint files.

When Google entered the market, it sent its crawler to every web server on Earth, where it presented itself as a web-user: 'Hi! Hello! Do you have any web pages? Thanks! How about some more? How about more?'

But every pirate wants to be an admiral. When Facebook, Apple and Google were doing this adversarial interoperability, that was progress. If you try to do it to them, that's piracy.

Try to make an alternative client for Facebook and they'll say you violated US laws like the Digital Millennium Copyright Act and EU laws like Article 6 of the EUCD.

Try to make an Android program that can run iPhone apps and play back the data from Apple's media stores and they'd bomb you until the rubble bounced.

Try to scrape all of Google and they'll nuke you until you glowed.

Tech's regulatory capture is mind-boggling. Take that law I mentioned earlier, Section 1201 of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act or DMCA. Bill Clinton signed it in 1998, and the EU imported it as Article 6 of the EUCD in 2001

It is a blanket prohibition on removing any kind of encryption that restricts access to a copyrighted work – things like ripping DVDs or jailbreaking a phone – with penalties of a five-year prison sentence and a $500k fine for a first offense.

This law has been so broadened that it can be used to imprison creators for granting access to their own creations

Here's how that works: In 2008, Amazon bought Audible, an audiobook platform, in an anticompetitive acquisition. Today, Audible is a monopolist with more than 90% of the audiobook market. Audible requires that all creators on their platform sell with Amazon's "digital rights management," which locks it to Amazon's apps.

So say I write a book, then I read it into a mic, then I pay a director and an engineer thousands of dollars to turn that into an audiobook, and sell it to you on the monopoly platform, Audible, that controls more than 90% of the market.

If I later decide to leave Amazon and want to let you come with me to a rival platform, I am out of luck. If I supply you with a tool to remove Amazon's encryption from my audiobook, so you can play it in another app, I commit a felony, punishable by a 5-year sentence and a half-million-dollar fine, for a first offense.

That's a stiffer penalty than you would face if you simply pirated the audiobook from a torrent site. But it's also harsher than the punishment you'd get for shoplifting the audiobook on CD from a truck-stop. It's harsher than the sentence you'd get for hijacking the truck that delivered the CD.

So think of our ad-blockers again. 50% of web users are running ad-blockers. 0% of app users are running ad-blockers, because adding a blocker to an app requires that you first remove its encryption, and that's a felony (Jay Freeman calls this 'felony contempt of business-model').

So when someone in a board-room says, 'let's make our ads 20% more obnoxious and get a 2% revenue increase,' no one objects that this might prompt users to google, 'how do I block ads?' After all, the answer is, 'you can't.'

Indeed, it's more likely that someone in that board room will say, 'let's make our ads 100% more obnoxious and get a 10% revenue increase' (this is why every company wants you to install an app instead of using its website).

There's no reason that gig workers who are facing algorithmic wage discrimination couldn't install a counter-app that coordinated among all the Uber drivers to reject all jobs unless they reach a certain pay threshold.

No reason except felony contempt of business model, the threat that the toolsmiths who built that counter-app would go broke or land in prison, for violating DMCA 1201, the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act, trademark, copyright, patent, contract, trade secrecy, nondisclosure and noncompete, or in other words: 'IP law.'

'IP' is just a euphemism for 'a law that lets me reach beyond the walls of my company and control the conduct of my critics, competitors and customers.' And 'app' is just a euphemism for 'a web-page wrapped enough IP to make it a felony to mod it to protect the labor, consumer and privacy rights of its user.'

We don't care. We don't have to. We're the phone company.

But what about that fourth constraint: workers?

For decades, tech workers' high degrees of bargaining power and vocational awe put a ceiling on enshittification. Even after the tech sector shrank to a handful of giants. Even after they captured their regulators so they could violate our consumer, privacy and labor rights. Even after they created 'felony contempt of business model' and extinguished self-help for tech users. Tech was still constrained by their workers' sense of moral injury in the face of the imperative to enshittify.

Remember when tech workers dreamed of working for a big company for a few years, before striking out on their own to start their own company that would knock that tech giant over?

Then that dream shrank to: work for a giant for a few years, quit, do a fake startup, get acqui-hired by your old employer, as a complicated way of getting a bonus and a promotion.

Then the dream shrank further: work for a tech giant for your whole life, get free kombucha and massages on Wednesdays.

And now, the dream is over. All that’s left is: work for a tech giant until they fire your ass, like those 12,000 Googlers who got fired last year six months after a stock buyback that would have paid their salaries for the next 27 years.

Workers are no longer a check on their bosses' worst impulses

Today, the response to 'I refuse to make this product worse' is, 'turn in your badge and don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.'

I get that this is all a little depressing

OK, really depressing.

But hear me out! We've identified the disease. We've traced its natural history. We've identified its underlying mechanism. Now we can get to work on a cure.

There are four constraints that prevent enshittification: competition, regulation, self-help and labor.

To reverse enshittification and guard against its reemergence, we must restore and strengthen each of these.

On competition, it's actually looking pretty good. The EU, the UK, the US, Canada, Australia, Japan and China are all doing more on competition than they have in two generations. They're blocking mergers, unwinding existing ones, taking action on predatory pricing and other sleazy tactics.

Remember, in the US and Europe, we already have the laws to do this – we just stopped enforcing them in the Helmut Kohl era.

I've been fighting these fights with the Electronic Frontier Foundation for 22 years now, and I've never seen a more hopeful moment for sound, informed tech policy.

Now, the enshittifiers aren't taking this laying down. The business press can't stop talking about how stupid and old-fashioned all this stuff is. They call people like me 'hipster antitrust,' and they hate any regulator who actually does their job.

Take Lina Khan, the brilliant head of the US Federal Trade Commission, who has done more in three years on antitrust than the combined efforts of all her predecessors over the past 40 years. Rupert Murdoch's Wall Street Journal has run more than 80 editorials trashing Khan, insisting that she's an ineffectual ideologue who can't get anything done.

Sure, Rupert, that's why you ran 80 editorials about her.

Because she can't get anything done.

Even Canada is stepping up on competition. Canada! Land of the evil billionaire! From Ted Rogers, who owns the country's telecoms; to Galen Weston, who owns the country's grocery stores; to the Irvings, who basically own the entire province of New Brunswick.

Even Canada is doing something about this. Last autumn, Trudeau's government promised to update Canada's creaking competition law to finally ban 'abuse of dominance.'

I mean, wow. I guess when Galen Weston decided to engage in a criminal conspiracy to fix the price of bread – the most Les Miz-ass crime imaginable – it finally got someone's attention, eh?

Competition has a long way to go, but all over the world, competition law is seeing a massive revitalization. Ronald Reagan and Margaret Thatcher put antitrust law in a coma in the 80s – but it's awake, it's back, and it's pissed.

What about regulation? How will we get tech companies to stop doing that one weird trick of adding 'with an app' to their crimes and escaping enforcement?

Well, here in the EU, they're starting to figure it out. This year, the Digital Markets Act and the Digital Services Act went into effect, and they let people who get screwed by tech companies go straight to the federal European courts, bypassing the toothless watchdogs in Europe's notorious corporate crime havens like Ireland.

In America, they might finally get a digital privacy law. You people have no idea how backwards US privacy law is. The last time the US Congress enacted a broadly applicable privacy law was in 1988.

The Video Privacy Protection Act makes it a crime for video-store clerks to leak your video-rental history. It was passed after a right-wing judge who was up for the Supreme Court had his rentals published in a DC newspaper. The rentals weren't even all that embarrassing!

Sure, that judge, Robert Bork, wasn't confirmed for the Supreme Court, but that was because he was a virulently racist loudmouth and a crook who served as Nixon's Solicitor General.

But Congress got the idea that their video records might be next, freaked out, and passed the VPPA.

That was the last time Americans got a big, national privacy law. Nineteen. Eighty. Eight.

It's been a minute.

And the thing is, there's a lot of people who are angry about stuff that has some nexus with America's piss-poor privacy landscape. Worried that Facebook turned Grampy into a Qanon? That Insta made your teen anorexic? That TikTok is brainwashing millennials into quoting Osama Bin Laden?

Or that cops are rolling up the identities of everyone at a Black Lives Matter protest or the Jan 6 riots by getting location data from Google?

Or that Red State Attorneys General are tracking teen girls to out-of-state abortion clinics?

Or that Black people are being discriminated against by online lending or hiring platforms?

Or that someone is making AI deepfake porn of you?

Having a federal privacy law with a private right of action – which means that individuals can sue companies that violate their privacy – would go a long way to rectifying all of these problems. There's a big coalition for that kind of privacy law.

What about self-help? That's a lot farther away, alas.

The EU's DMA will force tech companies to open up their walled gardens for interoperation. You'll be able to use Whatsapp to message people on iMessage, or quit Facebook and move to Mastodon, but still send messages to the people left behind.

But if you want to reverse-engineer one of those Big Tech products and mod it to work for you, not them, the EU's got nothing for you.

This is an area ripe for improvement, and I think the US might be the first ones to open this up.

It's certainly on-brand for the EU to be forcing tech companies to do things a certain way, while the US simply takes away tech companies' abilities to prevent others from changing how their stuff works.

My big hope here is that Stein's Law will take hold: 'Anything that can't go on forever will eventually stop'

Letting companies decide how their customers must use their products is simply too tempting an invitation to mischief. HP has a whole building full of engineers thinking of new ways to lock your printer to its official ink cartridges, forcing you to spend $10,000/gallon on ink to print your boarding passes and shopping lists.

It's offensive. The only people who don't agree are the people running the monopolies in all the other industries, like the med-tech monopolists who are locking their insulin pumps to their glucose monitors, turning people with diabetes into walking inkjet printers.

Finally, there's labor. Here in Europe, there's much higher union density than in the US, which American tech barons are learning the hard way. There is nothing more satisfying in the daily news than the latest salvo by Nordic unions against that Tesla guy (Musk is the most Edison-ass Tesla guy imaginable).

But even in the USA, there's a massive surge in tech unions. Tech workers are realizing that they aren't founders in waiting. The days of free massages and facial piercings and getting to wear black tee shirts that say things your boss doesn't understand are coming to an end.

In Seattle, Amazon's tech workers walked out in sympathy with Amazon's warehouse workers, because they're all workers.

The only reason the tech workers aren't monitored by AI that notifies their managers if they visit the toilet during working hours is their rapidly dwindling bargaining power. The way things are going, Amazon programmers are going to be pissing in bottles next to their workstations (for a guy who built a penis-shaped rocket, Jeff Bezos really hates our kidneys).

We're seeing bold, muscular, global action on competition, regulation and labor, with self-help bringing up the rear. It's not a moment too soon, because the bad news is, enshittification is coming to every industry.

If it's got a networked computer in it, the people who made it can run the Darth Vader MBA playbook on it, changing the rules from moment to moment, violating your rights and then saying 'It's OK, we did it with an app.'

From Mercedes renting you your accelerator pedal by the month to Internet of Things dishwashers that lock you into proprietary dishsoap, enshittification is metastasizing into every corner of our lives.

Software doesn't eat the world, it enshittifies it

But there's a bright side to all this: if everyone is threatened by enshittification, then everyone has a stake in disenshittification.

Just as with privacy law in the US, the potential anti-enshittification coalition is massive, it's unstoppable.

The cynics among you might be skeptical that this will make a difference. After all, isn't "enshittification" the same as "capitalism"?

Well, no.

Look, I'm not going to cape for capitalism here. I'm hardly a true believer in markets as the most efficient allocators of resources and arbiters of policy – if there was ever any doubt, capitalism's total failure to grapple with the climate emergency surely erases it.

But the capitalism of 20 years ago made space for a wild and wooly internet, a space where people with disfavored views could find each other, offer mutual aid, and organize.

The capitalism of today has produced a global, digital ghost mall, filled with botshit, crapgadgets from companies with consonant-heavy brand-names, and cryptocurrency scams.

The internet isn't more important than the climate emergency, nor gender justice, racial justice, genocide, or inequality.

But the internet is the terrain we'll fight those fights on. Without a free, fair and open internet, the fight is lost before it's joined.

We can reverse the enshittification of the internet. We can halt the creeping enshittification of every digital device.

We can build a better, enshittification-resistant digital nervous system, one that is fit to coordinate the mass movements we will need to fight fascism, end genocide, and save our planet and our species.

Martin Luther King said 'It may be true that the law cannot make a man love me, but it can stop him from lynching me, and I think that's pretty important.'

And it may be true that the law can't force corporate sociopaths to conceive of you as a human being entitled to dignity and fair treatment, and not just an ambulatory wallet, a supply of gut-bacteria for the immortal colony organism that is a limited liability corporation.

But it can make that exec fear you enough to treat you fairly and afford you dignity, even if he doesn't think you deserve it.

And I think that's pretty important.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/01/30/go-nuts-meine-kerle#ich-bin-ein-bratapfel/a>

Back the Kickstarter for the audiobook of The Bezzle here!

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#pluralistic #transmediale #lectures #enshittification #big tech #berlin #mcluhan lecture #Youtube

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sunburstsoldier · 5 months ago

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Some modern codywan fics that I just love

I have an EXTREMELY LONG fanfic recs document and I've been meaning to make a bunch of posts for ages so here's the first one!! non-explicit Modern AU Codywans in no particular order:

HOT2GO by Saerus2665 for dontbelasagnax | 32k | Mature |

Nurse Ben & firefighter Cody. Ben is a disaster in this and i love it. also bonus Bant is there!

“Hey,” Ben calls from the back. He holds up the forms, “You missed one.” Cody latches another one of the cabinets closed then turns to him. He doesn’t seem surprised to see him. “My bad,” he says simply. He comes to the back of the wagon and takes a seat, legs hanging over the side. He glances up as Ben hands over the forms and pen. “You’d think running down signatures would be a little below your list of duties” he says, in that annoyingly pointed way of his. That’s fine. Ben’s decided he’s done walking on eggshells around him. “You’d think a Fire Captain would be better at remembering to fill out forms he’s done a hundred times,” he returns, just as pointed. Cody smiles at him, a sharp glint in his eye. Or: Nurse Ben and the bad bitch firefighter he pulls by being a complete disaster

Turn it on to a new kind of bright by rolo_rulu, Saerus2665 |41k |

Cody is a hot surfer & Ben is a biologist and also a banana stand dude. Absolutely hysterically funny.

Someone rolls him over onto his back. “Hnnngh…” Ben blinks his eyes open. There’s a man looking down at him, haloed in the bright light of the sun. He has dark eyes, and handsome features, including an interesting scar on the right side of his face. A stray dark curl hangs down in the middle of his forehead. He’s beautiful, with the sunlight behind him. Ethereal. “Are—are you an angel?” Ben finds himself saying. He doesn't know if it's the heat or his poor instinctive attempt at flirting that makes him say it. The man squints at him, brow furrowing, clearly caught off guard. “Uh—are you a banana?” The mention of it brings him back into the reality of the situation: he’s trapped in a banana suit, 10 feet from the banana stand, with the object of his recent fantasies—because yes, this is indeed Hot-Surfer-Cody— looking down at him.

Charmed On The Wayside by TapeMonkey21 | 39k Teen+ |

Lawyer Cody, farmer Obi-Wan, aka Hallmark AU! So good I read it twice in two days, it is EXACTLY like the hallmark movie I never knew I wanted.

Cody Fett's perfect big-city life falls apart when his boyfriend breaks up with him, leaving him heartbroken. A visit to the small Vermont town where his brother Rex lives has him crossing paths repeatedly with Ben, the strange, charming, handsome, flannel-wearing owner of the local cider mill and orchard. Can Cody find love again amidst the fall leaves? Or, the fall Codywan Hallmark Movie we all deserve. Written for the Codywan Comfort flash event.

*The truth that once was spoken by Jimmytiberius | 40k | Mature | Les Mis Theater AU.

Now with several sequel mini fics, a gorgeous love letter to theater and to our favorite boys. Really cool then-and-now structure.

Obi-Wan Kenobi is a well-known actor in London's West End who's just signed a contract to make his long-awaited Broadway debut as Jean Valjean in Les Miserables. There's just one small wrinkle. Broadway star Cody Fett will be playing Inspector Javert. Obi-Wan hasn't seen Cody since the summer he was nineteen, when they were in summer stock together... also in a production of Les Miserables. Their relationship ended badly. What will happen when they see each other again for the first time in nineteen years? Will they ever find a way to tell each other the truth about what happened at the end of that summer?

sourdough: flour, water, and starting over by Shortcuts_make_long_delays |19k | Teen+ | BAKERY AU. This one is very sweet!!

Did Cody need to be up at 3:50am? No, not technically. But he had graciously offered to take Fox’s Sunday morning shifts at their Uncle’s bakery. Donning Fox's red apron as part of a decade long joke, he works at the bakery as he attempts to figure out what he wants from life. The first time Obi-wan shows up to dinner at Anakin's after moving back to Coruscant, he arrives twenty minutes late with the bag of rolls in hand, and unable to stop thinking about the baker in the red apron. Fox, he's pretty sure the name tag said.

bury me beneath the tree i climbed when i was a child by stormwarnings | 33k | Teen + |

Cody is an EMT; Obi-Wan's house keeps catching fire. Absolutely hysterical setting, I love the way they raise the twins communally in this fic so much.

Obi-Wan meets Cody for the first time when his niece and nephew almost light his house on fire. (Obi-Wan Kenobi and Cody Fett find their way into love slowly but steadily. There's broken bones, too much sooty turnout gear, late hours spent at EMT class, three kids, ten brothers and two adopted siblings, two weddings, and all number of laughs and inside jokes along the way. It's worth it, in the end. Family's always worth it.)

It's Raining, Dear by cafffine |10k | Modern AU

This one feels like you're just catching pieces of their lives together and i love it. Leia loves rocks. Obi-Wan has anxiety. I love it.

Cody and Obi-Wan fall in love. They live together, Rex calls when he can, Anakin is just out of reach until he isn't, Luke and Leia grow up too fast, Ahsoka lives far away, the back deck needs to be fixed, life happens and it happens and it happens.

More to come !! enjoy!!

#codywan #codywan fic recs #if you're in this list i love you and i am kissing you gently #ive read each of these many times #fanfiction #star wars fanfiction

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marvelslut16 · 7 months ago

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Field Day

Prompt number: 27 "Let me remind you"

Fandom: Marvel

Pairing: Teacher!Bucky x teacher!reader (no use of y/n)

Rating: T(een)

Word count: 1.1k+

Warnings: Swearing, a stupid hr policy based off a policy at one of my jobs, a horny woman at work, I think that's it.

A/N: Hi, hello, it's been ages since I posted a fic, and this is 2 days late late. I really really want to participate again this year, but I have 2 jobs now and I have some other important things happening this month, so I won't have much time to write. But without further ado, here is day 1!

“Let me remind you that we aren’t allowed to date coworkers,” you sigh, as Peggy tells you that you should finally give into your work crush and go on a date with Bucky.

Bucky is the sweetest soul you have ever met, he’s a little shy but once he warms up to you he’s just a giant teddy bear who will do whatever he can to make your life easier. He’s been your work crush for about a year now, when he switched from second to fourth grade, the grade you teach. Now you have department meetings together, teach science labs together, and go on field trips together. His sweet personality and the forced proximity made it impossible not to develop a work crush on him.

“Technically we can date coworkers, it’s just frowned upon,” Peggy tries to play devil’s advocate, hoping that her friends will finally get over themselves and go on a date.

“Oh yes, Bucky and I can date so long as we report it to HR the moment we go on a date, and they can still decide to fire one or both of us,” you roll your eyes and give your best friend a look before turning back to the playground to watch the kids. “Isn’t that why you waited to start dating Steve until he went to teach at the military academy.”

“Do as I say, not as I do,” Peggy giggles, just as Bucky lets his kids out his classroom door to join yours and Peggy’s for field day.

“What are you two gals talking about,” Bucky saunters over to where you're standing near enough to the playground to see the kids, but far enough from them that they can’t hear what you're saying.

“I was telling her that she should start packing her lunch instead of going out on Wednesday and Friday, much healthier. And obviously, she called me on the fact that Steve sends me lunch from restaurants most of the week,” Peggy smoothly lies. It’s a decent enough fib, but if you were Bucky you wouldn’t believe her.

So where did you end up getting stuck for field day?” you ask Bucky, he was sick the day of sign ups no doubt being stuck with the worst job.

“The dunk tank, damn Stevie leaving the school and leaving me with this stupid job,” Steve always volunteered to do the dunk tank, and now that he’s gone the entire staff quickly snapped up every other position. “What do you have this year?”

“The inflatable obstacle course,” you grin widely, you’d been petitioning the PTA to allocate funds to rent one for field day for the past three years now.

“I told you you could convince those parents to let you rent one, and the kids are going to love it!” you can’t help but blush at his praise.

“Third times the charm,” you give him a small bashful smile.

“I’m in charge of dodgeball in the gym,” Peggy cuts in, reminding you that you aren’t alone and have an audience of almost a hundred kids as more classes spill out of their rooms.

Soon enough the three of you go your separate ways and get field day started. Like every year, the day flies with minimal complaining from the kids, lots of laughing, and just a few scrapes and bruises. The kids all loved your addition to the course this year, all cheering in excitement when they get to your station. Before you know it your class is back at your station and field day is wrapping up, so you take the kids to the refreshments table to grap a dixie cup off gatorade and a cookie.

“Oh dear god,” you murmur under your breath, catching Peggy’s attention as she walks up to the table with her class.

Bucky’s also walking up to the refreshment table sopping wet, black t-shirt and basketball shorts clinging to his rock hard physique. Bucky is an attractive man, anyone who disagreed was either lying or blind, so this wasn’t a new revelation to you by any means. But knowing he has abs is one thing, but seeing his shirt clinging to them is a completely different one. Your heart starts to hammer harder and harder the closer he gets to you, damn Peggy had to get in your head about your crush earlier and you’re on the edge of throwing caution to the wind, and yourself at him.

“What were those rules again,” Peggy whispers, giggling in your ear.

“Can’t remember,” your voice trails off just like your thoughts. It’s unreal and unfair that Bucky could be as nice and as drop dead gorgeous as he is. No man could ever live up to him, and you pity everyone that dares to try.

“Only one person dunked me, and it was one of yours,” Bucky says gruffly, the twinkling in his eyes gives away his humor and pride in the student.

“One of mine?” you grin from ear to ear, your own pride showing at your student. One of your little fourth headers was able to dunk him, when the older kids couldn’t. “Who was it?”

“Me!” Brayden, your secret favorite student, hollers from behind you.

“Way to go Brayden!” you exclaim, the rest of your class cheering as you give him a high five.

“It was hilarious,” Luke, one of Bucky’s students pipes up. “We were at the human wheelbarrow station next to the dunk tank and we saw everything! One minute he was on the seat, and the next he was coming up from the water coughing on it.”

“Are you okay, Mr. Barnes?” you giggle, turning to look at him. It takes everything in you to keep your eyes on his, something the other female staff aren’t doing themselves.

“I will be, once my ego heals,” your two classes laughing at his joke.

“Do you want to come over for dinner tonight? I’m making my chili that you love so much,” you ask Bucky when the kids are out of hearing range. Peggy stares at you wide eyed, it’s like she can hear your inner monologue, in awe of your bravery and taking this chance.

“I would love to,” Bucky has a soft smile on his face, like he’s sensing that everything is about to change for the better. Fuck HR, and fuck this job if it keeps you from being happy and with the man of your dreams. As long as you have Bucky everything will be okay, and you’ll both land on your feet eventually, even if it means finding a new district.

#fictober24 #fictober 2024 #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x you #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes imagine #marvel #marvel fanfiction #teacher au #teacher!bucky barnes #teacher!bucky x reader

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witchygagirlwrites · 2 months ago

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Until You-Part 4

Connor Rhodes x Reader x Will Halstead/Rhodestead x Reader

A near tragedy puts things into perspective and concretes your relationship

Warnings: someone gets shot, angst & crying

There was something about waking up in the california king that Connor had ordered for his place, under the thick comforter, tucked in a pile of arms and legs that really made you despise your shitty little apartment. You groaned lightly and tried to burrow further into the pillows but Connor’s laughter hit your ears “Baby, we all have to get up soon”

You shook your head “No, don’t wanna. Can’t make me” Will’s lips found your bare shoulder as he said “So you’re just gonna leave my little brother without any backup today?” you opened one eye and glared at him “That is so damn mean William” he grinned “But it worked, didn’t it?”

Somehow the three of you had gone from tip toeing around each other to you and Will spending the night at Connor’s multiple times a week. He’d been trying to get both of you to just drop your places and move in.

“I own this place” “It’s plenty big enough for the three of us” you wanted to, you really did but old issues were holding you back. Maybe it was how young you were when your parents were killed? Trudy was closer to you than your grandparents, you had no siblings. This was new to you, the life that was being built around you. The life you were forming and no matter how much you loved it, it scared the shit out of you too.

You groaned louder when Connor climbed out of bed first, pulling the comforter off your body as he went “Dammit Rhodes, if I didn’t love you I swear!” he froze with the comforter halfway in the air, a smile working its way onto his face “What was that?” you realized what you said and your eyes widened. You attempted to bury your face in the pillows but happened to forget your other boyfriend was still in bed behind you and caught you before you could, pulling you back against his chest as Connor sat back down on the bed on your other side.

“Firecracker, did you just tell Con that you love him?” Will teased and you felt your face warm “Bite me Halstead” he laughed lightly “Later angel, answer the question” you took a deep breath and looked from one man to the other. Blue eyes and brown holding you in place “Yes I told Connor I love him because I do. I love you Connor and I love you too Will and it scares the hell out of me but I do” “Aww baby” Connor cooed, leaning closer to brush a gentle kiss against your lips “I love you too and we’re not going anywhere”

Will pulled your head backwards and brushed a kiss over your lips “We’re really not going anywhere and I love you too just so you know” you laughed lightly, laying your head over on Will’s chest as Connor pulled Will over you into a kiss then said “I love you too by the way Will”

Will smiled brightly “I love you too” you couldn’t help but giggle and they both looked down at you “What?” you shook your head “I love you two don’t get me wrong but damn am I glad I have fireball and spitfire that understands me” they both shrugged.

“Helps to have two other trios, doesn’t it?” Will laughed and Connor added “Especially since the ones that are technically gonna be your brother in law and your sister in law like me better” the two of you started playfully arguing so you cut in with “Well Jay likes me better than either one of you” and that turned into both of them turning their attention to you. “Oh so that’s how we’re starting the day?” Will asked and you grinned “Why not?” he shook his head and pulled you to him “You’re so mean” you laughed as his lips found your neck “You must like it” “He loves it, so do I” Connor laughed as his lips joined Will’s.

You sat at your desk listening as Hank talked about the case. You cut your eyes at Mouse when he brought up the fact that this was directly tied into the fire that had caused Pat Halstead’s death. Jay always had a complicated relationship with his father but the last few weeks hadn’t exactly been a walk in the park for him or Will. You and Connor were doing what you could for Will and knew Mouse and Fireball were doing what Jay would allow them to do but he was the type of man to take too much onto his shoulders.

“Jay, can you handle this?” Hank asked him and he nodded “Five other people died. I can handle it” you looked over at Mouse and he tapped his phone as a silent way to let you know he’d already updated Fireball. The two of you tried to keep her in the loop as much as possible on things like this. You pulled out your phone and clicked the text thread between you, Will and Connor Got a lead involving the fire. Warrants have come down it wasn’t long before their replies came through Connor: Be careful. Watch Jay. I love you Will: Stay safe, Watch Jay. I love you

You smiled and texted back I love you both too then laid your phone down. All Mouse had to do was ping the perps location and all of you would roll. You looked over at Jay and took a deep breath. You watched him and Mouse stand up to walk down to the tech room. Mouse had more equipment down there and they more than likely needed a minute alone considering how much you were now worrying about Jay just as his partner and friend on this.

A while later Mouse called up that he had a location so Hank called for everyone to gear up. You headed down to roll up. You stood next to Kim as everyone slipped their vests on and double checked straps. Mouse handed out coms as Hank went over the preraid plan again.

“Did he call fireball?” you asked Mouse in a whisper and he nodded “Yeah, I made him” you cut your eyes at Jay. A part of you wished he wouldn’t roll on this. The other part knew he’d never sit this out. You felt for Mouse because he couldn’t go in this time. He was stuck in the van with Al. You would be losing your fucking mind. “I’ll watch his back” you promised and he nodded “I know”

Hank cleared his throat to get everyone’s attention “You know your targets. You know what to do”

You climbed out of Jay’s truck and glanced over at him. “I’m fine” he told you without you even asking so you nodded “Then let’s get in line” you followed him to where you both needed to be. You had your hand on his shoulder and was waiting for the order when Hank’s voice came over the coms “Take it”

Doors started slamming in “CHICAGO PD. ON THE GROUND” you slammed one perp down and was cuffing him when you heard Kevin holler that there was a runner. “I GOT HIM!” Jay hollered. “JAY!” you yelled and practically threw your perp at Adam to jump up and take off running out the door. You hit your com “JAY BACK OFF!” you knew he wouldn’t respond. Damn him. You had backup for a reason!

You pushed your legs as you ran towards the overpass and heard shots. You felt your heart hit your feet when you saw two crumpled figures. One had a bright yellow shirt on like the perp, the other had a navy green t-shirt on under a vest. “JAY!” you cleared the perp to make sure he was dead and kicked his weapon away before running to Jay’s side, hitting your knees.

Your hands shook as you rolled him over and he groaned. Blood covered your hands “Fuck, it went through” you muttered, holding pressure on his left side where the bullet had went in. He sucked in a harsh breath. You managed to hit your radio “GET ME AN AMBULANCE NOW! OFFICER DOWN”

“JAY OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES” you yelled shaking him roughly as you heard everyone running to you. He strained to open them and when he saw you he swallowed hard “Fuck Fireball and Will is on shift” the blood was starting to pool between your fingers. “Here” Adam had pulled his shirt off to leave him in his undershirt so you had something to hold pressure.

You took it and pushed down with all your strength. “JAY” you flinched when you heard Mouse’s voice. He hit his knees at Jay’s other side. Jay’s head rolled over to look at his boyfriend, his face already so damn pale “Hey baby” Mouse had tears in his eyes “Hey, you’re gonna be fine ok?” Jay laughed “You’re a shit liar”

He almost passed out but you shook him again “Keep him talking” you could hear the ambulance getting closer. “Keep your eyes open Jay. Don’t do this to me, to Fireball” Mouse told him and he smiled “You’ll take care of her, she'll take care of you” Mouse shook his head, tears streaking his face “Don’t put her on that cliff” you felt tears start to hit your face because you knew what he meant. Jay’s eyes fluttered “I’m fucking cold”

“WHERE’S THE DAMN AMBO!” you hollered and heard Sylvie and Spitfire’s voice about then and let out a breath. “We got him” Spitfire assured you as Kevin pulled Mouse back and Al grabbed you. You stared at the blood on your hand. Your best friend. The man Mouse and Fireball loved. The man you promised to protect. One of the men you loved little brother.

“I called Ethan to get to Fireball before the ambulance gets there” Kim spoke and Mouse nodded numbly, the mention of his girlfriend getting him to his feet. “I gotta get to her” he sounded hollow as Kevin directed him to his car “Come on man. I got ya”

You walked into Med with Al and the moment you did Fireball’s sobs hit your ears. “NO NO NO. I AM NOT FUCKING LOSING ONE OF THEM” she was struggling against Ethan who was taking her hits and holding her, comforting her as he could until he saw Mouse.

When Mouse got to her she threw herself into his arms “Is he dead Greg? Please tell me we didn’t lose him?” you felt your knees threaten to go out from under you hearing the pain in her voice then to make matters worse you heard Will “WHERE IS MY BROTHER?” you took a step forward and he saw you and quickly crossed the floor to pull you into his arms. You started sobbing “I’m so sorry Will. I was too slow. I couldn’t catch them fast enough”

Ethan walked over “Come on” and directed the two of you along with Mouse and Fireball to a family room. You followed him, shaking in Will’s arms. You couldn’t look Mouse or Fireball in the eyes.

“Connor caught the case and took him straight into surgery. You all know he’s the best we got” Ethan assured you all. He was doing the best he could to comfort all of you. It was your fault. You were his partner. All three of these people meant so much to you and if they lost Jay it was because of you. Fireball looked up from Mouse’s arms and held her hand out “Come here Firecracker” you took her hand and she pulled you to her “It’s not your fault”

Hearing her say those words? It broke you. The two of you ended up curled around each other crying while Mouse and Will just kneeled next to you holding the both of you. “Take as long as you need in here” Ethan told you all.

Will sat in a chair with you curled into his chest watching the door leading into surgery. How the hell had he gotten into this position? His little brother’s life in the balance, the woman he loved blaming herself for it while the man he loved fought to save him?

You turned to hold onto Fireball while she was curled into Mouse. Spitfire was standing a little ways away with Kelly and Matt. They’d come back as soon as they could along with the rest of intelligence. So far none of you knew anything.

When the doors from surgery finally swung open and he saw Connor his heart hit his feet. Either this was good news or his world would change. He stood up along with Mouse and Fireball. You shook your head when he reached for you.

The three of them walked over to Connor who took a deep breath then smiled “He’s going to be hurting and need to be patient with healing but he’s going to be ok”

Fireball dove into Connor’s arms, both of them hugging and laughing. He was ok. Jay was ok. Connor smiled “I can take you two to him?” Fireball nodded “Please?” then looked at Will “Do you want to see him?” Will smiled “You two go”

___________________

You sat with Will, both of you silent while Connor took Fireball and Mouse to Jay’s room. You finally felt like you could breathe. He was ok. He was going to be ok. You were curled up to Will’s chest and you looked up at him “I’m sorry” he shook his head “Wasn’t your fault” you nodded “I love you” he smiled “I love you”

Connor walked back up about that time and sat down on your other side so you grabbed his hand then looked back at Will “I think we should all move in together” Connor raised an eyebrow “What sparked that?” you felt tears hit your eyes again thinking of Mouse when Jay was bleeding out then of Fireball fighting against Ethan “If something happens to me, I don’t want either of you doubting how much I love you. I don’t want to waste any time”

Connor cut his eyes at Will who nodded “I agree with her” Connor smiled “Can I hire movers? Because the adrenaline over being scared as hell of losing Jay on the table is starting to fade and I am very close to crashing” you and Will both laughed before you said “As long as we’re together. That’s all that matters”

@desimarie12

@bonnyclydecat

#connor rhodes x reader x will halstead #Rhodestead #Rhodestead x reader #will halstead x reader #connor rhodes x reader #chicago pd fanfiction #chicago pd fic #chicago pd fanfic #chicago med fanfic #chicago med fanfiction

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isabelawritesthings · 6 months ago

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Mortal Kombat 1 dialogues with Loki reader

characters included: Liu Kang, Raiden, Johnny Cage and Shang Tsung

notes: The dialogues will be with both the male and female versions of Loki, and since Loki is a canonically gender fluid bisexual character, there will be flirting in both forms.

a/n: Loki and women are my new obsession, maybe I'll do more dialogues with Marvel or even DC characters.

Liu Kang

MALE VERSION –

Liu Kang: You're causing a mess in the timelines!

Reader: What? Is it so wrong to travel through the multiverse?

Reader: Are you as powerful as He Who Remains?

Liu Kang: Who is this, Loki Laufeyson?

Reader: Do I remind you of a sorcerer?

Liu Kang: Unfortunately, yes.

Liu Kang: Make peace with Thor.

Reader: Why? Isn't it enough to live in his shadow all my life?!

FEMALE VERSION

Reader: You're quite handsome for a Fire God.

Liu Kang: Focus, Loki (Sylvie).

Liu Kang: You need to stop with the time travel!

Reader: Why? Are you afraid I'll break your perfect timeline?

Liu Kang: Shang Tsung is seduced by you.

Reader: Tell him I won't be a concubine!

Reader: Does Johnny Cage know there is a difference between flirting and sexual harassment?

Liu Kang: I'll talk to him later.

Raiden

MALE READER –

Raiden: Does your brother have lightning powers too?

Reader: Believe me, creating illusions is more impressive!

Raiden: Have you allied yourself with the sorcerers?

Reader: Come on, Raiden, you know I'm greedy.

Reader: Is your amulet your mjonir?

Raiden: What is a mjonir?

Reader: Come back to Fengjian, farmer boy!

Raiden: Not while you're out there causing chaos!

FEMALE READER –

Raiden: Is Shang Tsung jealous of me?

Reader: He thinks you're my boyfriend or something like that.

Raiden: How many gods are there in Asgard?

Reader: Our pantheon is as numerous as the stars in the sky.

Reader: What does Hela want with you?

Raiden: I don't know, but I hope it's nothing bad.

Reader: Very handsome for a shaolin

Raiden: This isn't going to... Wait, are you flirting with me?

Johnny Cage

MALE READER –

Johnny: Thor is more badass!

Reader: And why should I listen to the opinion of a mediocre actor like you?!

Johnny: That Sylvie has no right to be so hot!

Reader: You know she's technically me, right?

Reader: You're a womanizer, right? Have you ever tried something different?

Johnny: Look, I respect people with different tastes, but that's definitely not my case.

Reader: I also had problems with my father.

Johnny: This isn't going to make me sympathize with you, superhero movie villain!

FEMALE READER –

Johnny: Are you sure Hela is the goddess of death? Because you can kill with this look!

Reader: It's not too hard to see why your wife left you!

Johnny: I bet Asgard doesn't have gods as beautiful as me.

Reader: Please, have you seen my brother?

Reader: Who is this Madam Bo?

Johnny: You would have to go to Fengjian one day to know, do you like Chinese food?

Reader: I think Liu Kang is mad at me.

Johnny: Of course! You and your variants have wreaked havoc on the timelines!

Shang Tsung

MALE READER –

Shang Tsung: We could both benefit from an alliance.

Reader: HA! I am a God! I make no alliances with mortals who came from poverty!

Shang Tsung: *laughs* shall we start, God of lies?

Reader: As you wish, sorcerer...

Reader: I invaded Earth once, it will be easy to dominate Outworld!

Shang Tsung: Good luck facing Liu Kang and Mileena's forces!

Reader: You are as evil as I am.

Shang Tsung: Correct statement, Loki.

FEMALE READER –

Shang Tsung: Think, Loki (Sylvie)! You could-

Reader: Be your consort? May Odin protect me from this cruel fate!

Shang Tsung: Your body, so beautiful I could-

Reader: Ewww... Keep your perverted thoughts to yourself, sorcerer!

Reader: What did you see in me?

Shang Tsung: Power, beauty and cunning... Everything I admire in a woman.

Reader: You took advantage of Sindel's desperation to manipulate her!

Shang Tsung: *laughs* and the idiot fell right into my plan!

#mortal kombat #mortal kombat 1 #mk1 #marvel #marvel comics #loki laufeyson #loki #liu kang #raiden #johnny cage #shang tsung #x reader #fem reader #male reader #video games #super villians

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willows-writings · 6 months ago

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‼️This post is part of a choose your own adventure series and is not meant to be read stand-alone. Click HERE to go to the masterlist and Chapter beginnings‼️

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Question the group?

Prologue

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"Wait what are we talking about?"

Everyone's attention suddenly snaps to you as you mumble out words, no one thought you were anywhere near sober enough to hear them.

Mike, ever the leader, speaks first "Nothing y/n go to bed."

"No don't brush me off I wanna know!" You huff and Sam has to adjust her grip on you.

Jess rolls her eyes and walks closer to you "Look y/n all you need to know is we're playing a little prank on Hannah, she's been trying to get with Mike and needs to be taught a lesson."

You frown "But that's mean, Hannah- Hannah invited us all up here, this is her place, we gotta be nice invitees." your eyes are starting to slip close and more and more weight is being leaned onto Sam.

Ashley steps forward now "Technically it was Josh who invited us, but anyways it's nothing bad, just a small little prank." She smiles at you in a way that reassures your drunken mind.

You giggle, "Okk then, I'll help her dye all your teeth blue later in revenge." You are humored by your own joke and start giggling and laughing more.

Sam lets out a sigh and starts to drag you away. "Bye guys, I hope you make the right decision."

You close your eyes and lean againist Sam trusting her to take you somewhere as the world spins beneath your eyelids. By the time you open then again you are in a room lit by a fire that you can see Beth standing by and a couch in front of it that holds your boyfriend.

"Joshhhh" you break off from Sam and stumble to the couch, nearly tripping over the edge of it before flopping down on top of the man already laying there.

"Y/n babyyy my gorgeous amazing other half." His words were also slurred and his arms clumsily come up to curl around you tightly as he buries his face in your hair. You giggle and turn your face towards the fire to find Beth looking at the two of you fondly.

"Hiii Elizabeth, Bethy, my lovely friend." You reach the hand closest out to her and she takes it and gives it a little squeeze.

"Hi y/n. Partied hard?" She's smiling in a way that says she's already taken pictures of the scene to use as blackmail later on.

"Ugh yes, and just give me like thirty minutes and I will be ready to party again." As you say this your eyes drift further closed and you feel yourself relaxing more and more into Josh.

"Mhm sure." She snorts and lets go of your hand which you wrap around Josh. "Sleep well y/n, we can party tomorrow night."

You hum contently and close your eyes. You nestle your face into the crook of Josh's neck and settle further into your comfy human pillow. Between the heat of your boyfriend and the fire, you find yourself drifting off to sleep to the quiet crackle of wood, and breathing of Josh in minutes.

ʚїɞ

The way you wake up isn't quiet.

Instead of soft fire glow it's harsh red and blue lights. Instead of soft breathing it's loud voices and the crackle of walkie-talkies.

Those sounds stay for weeks until suddenly it's quiet. Quiet as in feelings of regret and grief. Quiet as in sobbing over a closed case and two graves.

You think you prefer the sirens.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

End of Prologue

Chapter 1

OBaC Masterlist

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Prologue is finished! Sorry if this isn't accurate to how you personally would act drunk. Featuring a little fluffy moment with Josh and Beth before the bad stuff. :( Did all the talk of seeing Hannah and Beth later make you sad hehe. I felt evil putting that in.

Anyways I'm putting the text for the beginning of Chapter 1 above but I need to rewatch some of the game first so I can write everything accurately. It will be linked when it's done which will most likely be later this week or early next week!! As always likes, reblogs and comments are appriciated!

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axelsagewrites · 2 years ago

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Roy Kent*Charitiy

Pairing: Roy Kent x reader

Word count: 1535

Warnings: Rupert existing and Roy being Roy

Masterlist here

Ever since last year when Rupert crashed annual charity ball and donated a butt load of money to steal her thunder, she was determined to make this year's even better. It was odd to you that someone donating so much to a good cause was grounds for revenge but then again, you'd met Rupert. He really was the worst.

She'd gone all out this year, making sure she lined up at least 3 famous performers that equally hated Rupert and inviting everyone who was anyone. You were automatically on the list as her assistant but and also as Roy's plus one. It was at last year’s ball that Roy ended up walking you home from and kissing you in your doorway. Cut to this year and you were now in a semi-secret committed relationship with Richmond’s newest coach. You had both decided not to share to the press and after much convincing Roy let you tell Rebecca and the team.

One of the nights biggest earners was of course the charity auction. Roy had refused at least 19 times to do it but eventually with enough eyelash batting and promises of favours you'd convinced him to sign up. All the boys had signed up, even Will was forced to sign up.

To make things even more bizarre Rebecca herself was being auctioned. Though you as her assistant had also hired someone to come bid on her so she'd never have to have the date but still she was technically on the roster. What you hadn't expected was for her to turn to you with puppy dog eyes.

"We need more women on the list. Cmon, you know how it is. Think of the children,"

Roy was more outrage you had said yes than the fact he had been convinced to do it as well. You however were sure that it would be fine. After all people were there to bet on the footballers to play a game with their kid or show off to their friends or whatever other questionable activities they had planned. Not some assistant.

What you hadn't accounted for was that you were no longer just an assistant. Not only did you often appear in pictures with the team, but rumours floated around that you were dating at least one if not multiple of the boys. Between always being around famous footballers or the fact Keeley Jones was your best friend you’d forgotten people actually knew who you were now.

The night was fine to begin and halfway through the auction Rebecca had already hit the same record as last year but that was not going to stop her. Danni had gone for £5000, Sam for £6000, Keeley for £10,000. Yes, even Keeley had donated one of her Friday nights to Rebecca's cause.

Roy had practically begged you that if the old lady who won him last year was going to win that you steal the win and he'd give you the money so sure as fate you had just won a night with your boyfriend for £8000. This was only going to fuel the fires in the tabloids, but it was worth saving Roy another painful night with a toothless granny.

"Up next we have my dear, dear friend who many of you will recognise as the teams shadow. Come on up"(y/n)," Rebecca said, clapping as you walked up with an awkward smile.

" Can we start the bidding at £500?" You thought this would be over and done with in less than a couple minutes.

"Five thousand pounds," Ruperts voice came booming from the back of the room followed by the sound of Roy’s chair scrapping against the floor as he stood up, "Forgive me for being so late my dear Rebecca. A family emergency kept me away, but I couldn't miss this for the world," he said gesturing to the crowd who gave him a round of applause he didn’t deserve, “After all it is for the children,”

For once Rebecca stammered for words before finally stuttering out "Yes well thank you Rupert. Do I hear six?"

"Ten thousand," Roy boomed across the room. Small gasps left several tables as you stood, eyes bulging out at the moment happening. You’d got to witness the bidding war that went for Jamie last year with Keeley spending twenty-five grand, but you knew that both Rupert and Roy were far more stubborn. this could go for a while.

"This isn't how auctions exactly work boys-" Rebecca tried to cut in, knowing how stubborn Rupert was and how violent Roy could get, but to no avail. she looked at you with a sympathetic glance as the carnage began.

"fifteen thousand," Rupert said, walking to stand by Roy's table, his wife a few paces behind standing awkwardly.

"twenty,"

"thirty,"

"thirty-five-" you heard Jamie's voice pipe up followed by a loud growl from Roy who was glaring daggers in the previously laughing boy, "withdrawn!" Jamie yelped as he shuffled his chair towards Keeley. you almost felt bad for Jamie as you tried not to laugh.

"forty-five," Roy yelled before turning to Rupert, whispering something in his ear as he went to say fifty.

You could practically see Ruperts sweat dripping down his forehead as Roy pulled away, a satisfied smirk on his face, "Hard to beat that," Rupert smiled as he carefully stepped away from Roy, slowly moving back to his wife, “I withdraw,” Rupert said before pulling his wife to go join some random table filled with old white men.

"Forty-five going once, twice," Rebecca said as she scrambled to grab her gavel, "sold to Mr Kent. What a generous donation, everyone let's give him a round of applause," Rebecca said as she started the claps as everyone followed suit to try mask the awkward tension. “Always such a generous soul,”

You gave Rebecca a sorry smile as you walked back down to Roy, wondering how you’d explain this to the tabloids, but Roy had other plans. As you walked up to him, ready to quietly thank him, Roy stepped forward, grabbing you by the waist and pulling you into his chest. The kiss was brief, but it knocked the wind out your lungs and left you wishing you had a private room as whoops and hollers came from the room around. You pulled back, breathless and grinning like an idiot.

"Just to be clear that isn't included in the final sale," Rebecca said from the stand, trying to avoid lawsuits and trying desperately not to laugh since the auction still had its final prize left, Jamie.

"What did you say to him?" you asked, as you finally say back down, hand in hand with Roy.

"I told him I knew where he lived and enough people to hold him down if he didn't back off what's mine, “Roy said as cool as a cucumber as if he didn't just threaten to beat a multi-millionaire, possibly billionaire at this point. "Plus, I said I'd tell his wife about you know who,"

This however caught your, Keeley’s, and Jamie's attention, "Who's you know who?" Keeley ask as you all three leaned in for the dirt.

"Fuck knows," Roy barked making you all look at each other confused, "once a scumbag always a scumbag. There's probably some poor girl out there he’s fucked I just don't know which one,"

The three of you began to cackle as Rebecca announced her last prize of the night. “Time to shine,” Jamie said as he got up, running a hand through his hair before jogging up to join Rebecca on stage. His cocky joy went from pale faced terror when the woman who won Roy last year won him this year but for £9000. Jamie returned to the table, no pep in his step or swagger in his walk as he sunk down into his chair, “Why did you save me?” he whispered in betrayal.

“I’m not your girlfriend anymore, remember,” Keeley teased as she sat back in her chair, “Call us even for last year babes,”

Jamie turned from Keeley to you and Roy, looking like a kicked puppy, “Roy?”

“Mate I’ve just spent 50 grand tonight. go fuck yourself,” Roy said before what was left of his drink.

“It’s for children Roy,” Jamie said as he sulked back into his chair.

“Fuck the children,” Roy said with no hesitation, “I’ve just bought them a really fucking nice orphanage to stop some old prick touching my bird,”

you couldn’t help but laugh at how Jamie pouted in his seat, trying to avoid the old woman’s little waves. “You do release your little stunt means we need to do press now?” you said, glancing up to a now groaning Roy.

“Already on its babes,” Keeley said from where she sat on her phone, “I’ve been waiting for this for months. knew you two wouldn’t go for my soft launch option,”

“Fucks a soft launch?” Roy said, confusing racking his face as he turned to you.

you patted his arm and shook your head, “You just let me and Keels deal with this yeah?”

Roy sighed as he sat back in his chair shaking his head, “I fucking hate charity,”

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