#yes i'm autistic how could you tell?

[bingqiv]

can't wait to pirate the new season of dw

[turtleboyo22]

"Did you know that you have a tell?"

"A tell?"

"Yes, a tell. A crack in your poker face." Cyno rolled his eyes at the suggestion. "I'm the general Mahamatra, Tighnari, I cannot afford to have a tell."

"It's a tell specific to your TCG game," Tighnari's smile was barely visible as he peered over his deck, but the humour was clear in his eyes. "You're not funny," Cyno frowned. "I'm not trying to be, dear."

"Go on then," Cyno began after rolling his dice, "what is it?"

"What's what?" Tighnari hummed as he grabbed the dice for his own turn rolling. "My tell," Cyno said, placing down a strategize card. "And why would I tell you that? Tsk tsk Cyno, don't you know I want to win," Tighnari's taunting grin grew behind his cards. "You're the one who brought it up," Cyno huffed, playing a support card. “And you're the one with only one character left, I just wanted to let you know why,” Tighnari said, the teasing lilt of his voice forcing Cyno to glare.

“You haven't won yet,” Cyno grumbled as he attacked, dealing 3 damage to one of Tighnari's last two characters. “No,” Tighnari conceded, beginning his round by equipping a weapon, “but I'm about to.” Tighnari used his ultimate, leaving Cyno’s card with 1 health. “I hope you have some food cards, sweetheart,” Tighnari said, “though I know you don't.”

“You don't know that," Cyno said, eyebrows furrowed as he searched through his hand. “But I do. As previously mentioned, Cyno, you have a tell.”

All Cyno could do at this point was attack again, though the 2 damage it dealt did very little when both Tighnari's cards had consumed food cards. He barely managed to break one character’s shield. Tighnari forced out a yawn. “Done?” His mocking smile served only to further frustrate Cyno. The other man nodded.

“My turn, general,” Tighnari smiled, looking through his hand. Cyno groaned. “Why bother looking through your cards when you're obviously going to win now?” Cyno asked, shoulders and jaw tensed for defeat. “Because it's fun seeing how worked up you get,” Tighnari said, “you're a terribly sore loser, dear.” With that, Tighnari used a card to switch character without ending his turn, before equipping a bow and attacking.

As the final blow to Cyno's card- and his ego- was dealt, Tighnari's smile softened. "Your tell, my love, is non-existent. I was merely bluffing to throw you off your game," Tighnari stood up and, with a kiss to the other man's temple, left the flustered general to stew in his frustration at being so easily tricked.

[crispycreambacon]

Maybe I am autistic.......

[manglednatalia]

Collecting the people's opinion bc I don't know how to draw my trans guy Sigma's chest hair

[altosys]

ngl having low empathy expression is wiiiild fr. like someone could be talkin to you about how everyone in their family died and now they have no one and you're just like "damn dude that sucks lol - anyways uhhhh want me to get you a slushy"

[bleue-flora]

[original post]

@marshymashers hope it's okay to respond to you in a post, my answer was getting too long, so here we are. :)

First off, Tubbo isn't autistic. He has stated on multiple occasions [clip] [clip] that he isn't and it is none of our business to question him or diagnose him. That is incredibly disrespectful to Tubbo and anyone actually diagnosed with autism. He has stated that all the way back in 2022 that he is not, so please refrain from going around diagnosing people in real life and spreading false information. It is none of our business what diagnosis someone does or does not have unless they want to come forward and tell us.

Yes, Tubbo is dyslexic, as am I, which does mean he is neurodivergent, however dyslexia and autism are not the same.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH): "Autism spectrum disorder is a neurological and developmental disorder that affects how people interact with others, communicate, learn, and behave." [link]

According to the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development (NIH): "Some of the most common learning disabilities are the following: Dyslexia. People with dyslexia have problems with reading words accurately and with ease (sometimes called “fluency”) and may have a hard time spelling, understanding sentences, and recognizing words they already know." [link]

In my post, notice I am not talking about neurodivergence as a whole, but specifically autism and the effect it has on communication and behavior. I also did not and have not said that autism excuses behavior nor is any type of shield to be used to paint Dream as innocent. Again, my point here was not about the wrongdoings, but about the communication I have seen over the past few days that speaks to a pattern that I have experienced over and over for 20 years that only after my diagnosis and people willing to hear me out as a result has subsided. I am talking about a 3 hour stream where Tubbo and Dream repeated the same things to each other over and over and couldn't seem to understand each other no matter how many times they said it. That is what I am talking about. Because I believe not that autism should be used as a shield but as a lens to view the situation more clearly.

All I'm saying is if people went into the discussion with the mindset that this could be a moment of autism misunderstanding not malicious or manipulative intent, then it would be more productive. Instead over and over the assumption is that Dream has ill intent so everything that is rumored and hinted at or said is viewed under that lens.

For example, it is a very common characteristic of an autistic person (or person with adhd) to mix up names. So, on one hand, people could see Dream calling Tubbo "Tommy" multiple times in that stream as Dream not seeing them as separate people and only seeing Tubbo as Tommy's best friend, and using Tubbo as a way to talk to Tommy, or whatever. But in reality, I can say with absolute certainty that Dream just screwed up the names on accident, as is common place for autistic people. There was no ill intent behind it in the slightest, it was simply an accident. That's all. Do you see the difference? By constantly viewing Dream under a lens of malicious intention we are mistaking what could just be a more innocent moment of autistic difference for wrongdoing. And all I'm saying is that until people give Dream the benefit of the doubt or grace that it could be an autism miscommunication, things will never resolve or change.

And yes, execution is at the end of the day the result and it doesn't matter whether you meant to hurt someone or not, you still did. But knowing intention is the difference between Dream being an imperfect autistic guy versus a movie villain. And whether rumors about him should be taken at face value to be true or whether we should give Dream the benefit of the doubt first.

In addition, if we don't take into consideration that Dream sees a situation differently because he's autistic and therefore an explanation of his wrongdoing may not make sense to him, then we are going to just assume he isn't taking accountabilty when in fact, he really just doesn't understand. In the same way, that Tubbo doesn't understand his reasoning.

For example, with the perception that Dream and his friends are misongynistic and sexist:

Tubbo's reasoning:

there are multiple accusations you haven't refuted of you calling a woman a whore + you singled out Aimsey and Hannahrose in your stream + you disrespected Caiti in that situation by getting involved and sending hateful fans after her + downplayed your involvement and the situation's point by not including it in your vid => you are sexist and misongynistic and need to clean up your act with how you treat woman.

Dream's reasoning:

there are multiple accusations you don't refute of you calling a woman a whore there is one accusation that I don't remember but don't want to call someone a liar, from awhile ago when I used whore more in my joking slang with my close friends + you singled out Aimsey and Hannahrose in your stream in my stream I mentioned many creators, including Aimsey and Hannahrose, to highlight my points about rumors, misconceptions and mispeaking + you disrespected Caiti in that situation by getteing involved and sending hate after her I provided information as I was a witness of a situation involving my best friend + downplayed your involvement and the situation's point by not including it in your vid I didn't include it in the video as Tommy didn't call me out for doing something in it and the situation is George's and Caiti's to discuss not mine => you are sexist and misgynistic and need to clean up your act with how you treat woman contrary to Tommy's statement I am not sexist or misogynistic, nor are my friends as there is no proof.

I don't think Dream is trying to dodge accountability, because (unlike some creators) over and over we have seen him own up, apologize and admit he was wrong or out of line and try to make things right in a reasonable manner. He has proven that he can and does take accountability, in this instance he just simply doesn't see why he needs to as he doesn't follow Tubbo's train of thought and reaches a different conclusion, in the same way Tubbo isn't following Dream's train of thought... anyways I really hope that makes sense or clears things up for at least someone lol. :)

[arthurs-better-half]

John and Yellow (Mirrors and Monsters)

Reblogs much appreciated 👍

1. Julio Cortázar, Los Reyes // 2. Malevolent - Part 23 // 3. Brené Brown, Daring Greatly // 4. Brutus - The Buttress // 5. Malevolent - Part 40 "The Order" II // 6. Minotaur Forgiving Knossos - Moonface // 7. Dawning Night by Joseph Feely / Malevolent - Part 1 / Malevolent Part 21 // 8. Joan Tierney, The Elektra Complex // 9. Malevolent - Part 24 // 10. Bad Sun - The Bravery // 11. Minotauro (Minotaur) by Jordi Garriga Mora (2007) // 12. Malevolent - Part 40 "The Order" II // 13. Margaret Atwood, Corpse Song // 14. Repeat Until Death - Novo Amor // 15. Malevolent - Part 40 "The Order" II // 16. The Calling - The Amazing Devil // 17. @autistic-evil-xisuma (sorry for the tag) // 18. Bad Bad Things - AJJ // 19. Marie Howe, The Affliction // 20. Malevolent - Part 40 "The Order" II // 21. Ragnarok III: Strange Meeting - The Mechanisms // 22. a conversation about identity - tea // 23. Malevolent - Part 40 "The Order" // 24. Requiem - Death Note Musical (English concept album) // 25. Richard Silken, The Long and the Short Of It (Annotated)

(Playlist of the songs included (Spotify))

ARIADNE Why do you fear him? He is my brother. MINOS A monster has no siblings.

YELLOW: But it was me. I-In a way. ARTHUR (sighing): John. YELLOW: He was... different than me.

I want to experience your vulnerability but I don't want to be vulnerable Vulnerability is courage in you and inadequacy in me. I'm drawn to your vulnerability but repelled by mine.

But why do I lie awake each night thinking "Instead of you, it should be me"? Something wicked this way comes And as I set to face it, I'm unsure Should I embrace it, should I run? What motivates me? Hatred? Is it love?

ARTHUR (sighing, pityingly): Yellow. He never will. You are trapped with him. Forever. JOHN: Trapped?

I was born into this We were all born You were born like a pearl We were all born

YELLOW (in awe): There's a building, with lights on.

ENTITY (surprised): Well. ARTHUR: What? ENTITY: Nothing. I, I just... the city is so alive.

YELLOW: I... appreciate the life I saw. I... am at a loss for words.

ENTITY: I... the city... the life that exists on every street corner. It's... so different than the Dark World I thought I would forever call home.

I tip my head like a dog at the window. The outside world is so interesting, and I am not a part of it; I'm just witnessing.

JOHN: It's nothing, Arthur. I'm just telling you that every time you call him a monster, you're forgetting that I am the same.

I don't know what's wrong with us They just made us this way There's a hole in you and me That pulls us together

JOHN: If killing Larson kills Yellow... ARTHUR: Then you'll be fine! Stronger, maybe. JOHN: Or. I don't know if I can survive with only half a soul.

I exist in two places, here and where you are

Don't go, you're half of me now But I'm hardly stood proud

JOHN: I know you can't promise me. I know you aren't sure. But... Yellow is a piece of me. Can you imagine having to destroy a piece of yourself? Even if it's a reflection of yourself you may not like!

I look into the waters and see a face I don't recognise Who's this (Who are you)

people always talk about evil clones like oooh a dark mirror oohh what if you saw what a cruel person you were/are capable of becoming. and well yes but what if you were the evil clone. what if you looked in the mirror and what you saw was so bright it blinded you. what if you had to know exactly how good you could have been.

So I looked into your eyes And I saw a reflection Of a coward that you and I both hate very much

And he: (and this was almost unbearable) he saw me see him, and I saw him see me.

ARTHUR (quietly): But we all have to face our demons. Even if they're ourselves.

[Verse 2: THOR, LOKI, & Together] Where are you going? For vengeance For love

You're losing in a staring contest With whatever's in your mirror You are me and I am you But we're not one and I'm inferior

YELLOW: I... I... (Quieter.) Why you, John? What did you have to offer? Why does he care about... you?

Gone, who was right or wrong Who was weak or strong Nothing left to learn

The question for this issue was Do you have a human soul and can you prove it? And, of course, there was no definitive answer.

[Tumblr has deleted progress on this like three times now so I'm posting it now while it's done before it can fuck it up again!!! And thank you @ghostnotoast for being so lovely here is the weave]

[tizeline]

Hi, love your Au and your art!

Since the Drax boys have lived in the Hidden City their whole lives, they have a much better sense of community than the Donnie. Even if they aren't the most well liked since I assume most yokai find their views on human's extreme. They can still go down to a supermarket, a restaurant, a park. All things in which Donnie has never been able to do out in daylight. How would they react onto figuring out. "Oh, crap this kid is a socially isolated weirdo [affectionate]." Like would they do a montage of dragging Donnie to all their favorite places? Also, I imagine that yokai culture has different faux pas, any Donnie might just accidentally do something offensive, like how he did in Witch town by not collecting the worms right. Or he might accidentally do something incredibly dangerous like go to a place with gangs or go to Big Mama's and he'd have no idea because Donnie's not a resident of the Hidden City. Also, do you think Yokai celebrate Christmas or New Years? I imagine it would be very weird for Donnie to see people that look like you and be under the same category of 'freak' (in the human city) just walking around doing everyday things. Especially since Donnie's spent his whole life hiding, walking around and not worrying about if some human scientist is going to nab you must be world-endingly weird. Also, it would probably give Donnie hope for things he's never been able to do before. Make a proper friend group, own a home in a neighborhood, and go to college. All the regular teen things he see's people in the movies and April doing.

Also, something I've always wondered in canon, do you think Donnie has his shots? Since he can't access a regular doctor, do you think he's just like a carrier of every single dead disease. I assume he's probably immune to a lot of sicknesses because of how Draxum made them. But imagine Draxums reaction when he wants to get Donnie's medical records (I imagine Draxum is a stickler for health, shots, and Doctor checkups as a form of affection) and Donnie has to tell him he's literally never been to an actual Doctor. I imagine at some point he made records for himself, but that was probably when he got a bit older, so for the first seven years or so, Splinter was just hoping Donnie didn't come down with anything deadly.

I'm also betting that the Drax boys are a bit smarter than canon because Draxum seems like the type of person to do ZERO skimping on education. Like yes, Donnie's still smarter, however I do think they Drax boys are just smarter than canon, like they probably know high school algebra, science, yokai history all that stuff. I think it would be cool to see the boys reference a piece of yokai culture of history and Donnie just be like ".....what". I imagine it make him very mad to be out of the loop in any piece of knowledge. However, Donnie could make a human pop culture reference and also get the Drax boys confused.

LMAO yeah it's quite weird for Donnie to be able to just. Walk around in public without having to worry about anyone finding out that he's a mutant. It takes him a while to adjust to the fact that he doesn't have to hide his turtle-features amongst yōkai, he probably instictually keeps doing it for a while at first (keeping to the shadows and wearing clothes that hides his appearence, stuff like that).

His brothers are quite eager to introduce Donnie to all the cool stuff in The Hidden City that he's been missing out on. And while part of Donnie's difficulty with social interactions is just a symptom of him being autistic, him growing up so isolated definitely made things even harder for him. A lot of his knowledge about social etiquette he learned from like........ shows and movies, and I don't think 80s martial arts- and campy sci-fi-movies are the best teachers on how to interact with others lol. He had April of course, but she's one person and also kind of a weirdo too. And all of that just may have given him insight on how to socialize in human society, he's very unprepared for yōkai society!

His brothers really don't mind this, partially because Donnie's behavior is so similar to Draxum so they honestly just find it endearing. They also fully expected Donnie to have been completely traumatized from living amongst humans. The fact that he's (mostly) fine, just a bit eccentric, is great news to them! Also a lot of yōkai consider the entire Draxum family to be a bunch of weirdos too, maybe Donnie doesn't really fit in amongst other yōkai as much as he'd liked but he DOES fit in amongst his family, both the Hamatos and the Draxums! :]

Also LMAOOO- Splinter: "This is my son Donatello, he has every disease"

Honestly..... yeah Donnie kinda mostly relied on his mutation-enhanced immune system growing up. Donnie, being a NERD, might have figured out how to get himself vaccinated for at least some stuff eventually. I also imagine with Splinter knowing he himself is the closest thing to a medic he or Donnie were ever gonna get access to, he put in effort into research and other precautions to be safe. That being said, he's not an expert, and while I do believe the Hamato Ninja Training included some basic medical training like first aid and such, there's the small problem of both Splinter and Donnie both having EXTREMELY weird biology on account of the mutation, so Splinter kinda just had to guess a lot and hope for the best when it came to Donnie's health

Regardless, I absolutely belive that as soon as Donnie's relationship with Draxum became slightly less hostile, Draxum managed to convince Donnie to sit down for a checkup. And OMG Draxum being so concerned about his kids' health as a form of affection is both adorable and hilarious 😭

And yup the Drax Bros got a much better education in the AU compared to canon lmaooo (Leo still doesn't like reading books though). Donnie is still definitely the most academically gifted, but yeah his brothers of course are going to know a lot more about yōkai stuff in general, which kinda makes Donnie a little bit insecure. Specifially when Raph, Mikey and Leo start talking about something yōkai-related that Donnie is completely ignorant of, then that makes him feel a bit left out. Of course, then he, April will talk about something human-related and then his brothers are the ones out of the loop (aside from maybe Leo he knows quite a bit about human pop-culture)

[thefallenangel2008]

More Autistic Sea Grunkles headcanons because I'm a sucker for them and I love projecting on my favorite characters. I guess you could call this a part 2??? Idk but here it is.

Ok, so, I imagine them having some rules about what goes in the fridge and whatnot because of sensory issues. If Stan has food Ford doesn't like in the fridge he's gonna eat everything possible but that food to avoid it and live off protein pills or however these things are called. I mean, he's already done it while traveling through dimensions so he can easily do it again. Now, when Ford puts food in the fridge Stan doesn't like there's a chance he might throw it away in the ocean (he's already done it twice) and eat only stancakes until the ingredients run out. When they do, he's just not gonna eat. I imagine them both having many foods they couldn't eat as kids but when they got in their respective little adventures (homelessness and dimension traveling) they managed to overcome some of their sensory issues because they had no other choice (and when I say "overcame" I mean managing to get used to the not-THAT-bad-but-still-not-gonna-eat foods). But yeah, they still have a bunch of foods they don't like. :P

I already talked about them not talking when they're overwhelmed but now I want to ✨expand that thought✨ a little more.😍 I already said about them going nonverbal on eachother and comforting eachother when one of them feels overwhelmed, but hear me out. Ford is the quiet autistic and Stan is the loud autistic. Personally I see Ford as the type of autistic person who will regularly go nonverbal when feeling overwhelmed. He used to do a lot as kids Stan has learned the tricks and how to calm him down. And now, when it comes to Stan. Stan never shuts his mouth, never. He's always been the loud one out of the two. So when Stan goes nonverbal Ford freaks tf out because, even though Stan has felt plenty of times overwhelmed, and Ford has been there to comfort him, when he goes nonverbal he KNOWS things are THAT bad. Especially now, when his recovering mind relives traumatic events that happened to him during homelessness. During a particularly bad PTSD episode Stan hadn't uttered a word for a full of 4 days until one night at 3:00am he told Ford to take a break from his research and go to sleep. When Ford managed to coax out of him what was this memory he remembered, Stan had titled it as the "Tijuana Incident" (yes, I'm still not over that one Stanley bit from the website, that old man is a victim and he deserves better).

Also sounds. Stan doesn't really have a big problem with loud sounds, it usually depends on the day, his mood, the size of the room he's in and how loudly the people are talking in said room. But he hates repetitive sounds. Ford is a tad more sensitive when it comes to sound than Stan. Loud noises, more particular. He remembers his ma telling him the story of the day him and Stan graduated from kindergarten and there was a party afterwards, and the loud music had made him cover his ears and cry. He doesn't mind repetitive sounds as much as Stan does. But ringing, he does.

Part 1

[fatliberation]

One exhausting thing about being fat is the endless understanding and forgiveness you have to have to maintain any personal relationships. I overhear my mother saying how disgusted she is by fat Autistics. I’m a fat autistic. I can’t say anything about how deeply hurtful this is without being sensitive. My friend says only fat people will die of covid, so it’s not such a big deal. So I don’t deserve to live? Or the classic:“Ew I’m getting fat”. If you start a fight each time someone around you implies you don’t deserve life or your body is vile, you’ll spend your whole existence arguing.

I empathize with this so much, anon. My family (and some friends) are SO deeply invested in diet culture and fatphobia. I have a parent who is a lobbyist for the pharmaceutical company that sells ozempic and wegovy, and no amount of education or asking for human empathy will change their mind or make them treat me better. It's a hard reality to accept that you can't change everyone's minds. and it is so, so tiring and emotionally exhausting to have to advocate for your existence 24/7. I get burned out doing it too often. The thing is, you don't have to offer endless forgiveness. I'm currently working with my therapist on what to do about this, and the unfortunate solution is to set harsh boundaries (yes, even if they will never understand it or think I am too sensitive, or crazy... it is VERY uncomfortable but I am working on being okay with being misunderstood!) and distance myself from people who refuse to respect said boundaries. Next time my parent berates my food choices, tells me I'm going to die young, or compares me to an anti-vaxxer for not losing weight, I'm removing myself from their presence and tell them these types of comments are driving me away. If they want me in their life, they'll learn to respect me. It hurts, and it's so fucking hard when it's immediate family.

As for non-familial relationships, I've curated my social circle to (mostly) friends who are fat positive and it's one of the best things I could have done for my wellbeing. If I meet a potential friend who starts spitting some fatphobic bull, I avoid hanging out with them from the get-go. I've met most of my fat positive friends in social groups made for fat people, check out facebook groups to see if there's any fat community in your area!

Tbh I have always had this idea of carrying around little pamphlets or cards that are like fat liberation 101 for strangers, I would keep them in my pocket to hand out to someone who says something fatphobic to me so I can avoid confrontation (and exhaustion)... if I made those would you guys want them? 👀

[teddy06writes]

Whumptober Masterlist/Overview

Hey guys! I'm going to be attempting to participate in Whumptober this year (though admittedly I did kind of mash together a few different prompt lists). I have about 20 days planned out right now, and I really hope to get through them, but no guarantees unfortunately, because I do have other stuff going on in my life. Also most of these are in fact just going to be hurt/comfort because I am a weak man. Also yes I am aware that the variation in these characters is kind of insane, don't come at me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Day One - Survivors Guilt/"It's not your fault." - Robert 'Bob' Floyd - An accident during a training hop leaves your WSO badly injured, and you can't help but blame yourself. Bob makes it his mission to convince you otherwise.

Day Two - Migraines - Darry Curtis - Juggling a migraine and the Curtis gang is not the easiest thing in the world. Luckily, Darry is there to come to your rescue and tell the others off

Day Three - Overstimulation - Diego Hargreeves - (1960s, autistic Reader) - Between the prison break, Diego's strange brother, and home movie footage showing the assassination of the president, your not sure how much more you can take.

Day Four- Field medicine/"Hang on, we're going to have to improvise." - Fili - Even with the battle beginning to turn in your favor, there are still many losses to come, no matter how hard you work to prevent them.

Day Five - "You don't need to earn this." - Tommy Shelby - When your surprises and gentle treatment catch Tommy by surprise, he questions what he'd done to deserve it.

Day Six - Hostile environment/"I don't know how anyone could survive that." - Alfie Solomons - (War Era, Male Reader) - A poorly planned attack leaves you stuck in no mans land. Even if you make it back to the so called "safety" of the English trenches, nothing will ever be the same.

Day Seven - Needles/Stitching - John Shelby - After being sent on another needless errand by his brother, John returns late, exhausted and bloody.

Day Eight - Panic Attack - Aaron Hotchner - When a case that hits too close to home has too many missing pieces, and seemingly no end, you can't help but fall prey to a growing sense of panic.

Day Nine - Falling Asleep in a hospital room - Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw - When a training incident gone wrong lands Bradley in the hospital, you take it upon yourself to stay with him.

Day Ten - "Shhh, I've got you now, I'm here." - Alfie Solomons - Sabini's men kidnap you in a desperate attempt to get a leg up on your husband. When Alfie finds out, he's ready to burn the world down to get to you.

Day Eleven - Chronic pain - Boromir - The first day of a cold spell causes your pain to flare up, but you're determined to grit your teeth through the pain. Boromir however, is determined to get you to rest.

Days Twelve - Fourteen Break Days

Day Fifteen - Hiding an Injury - Aragorn - Somewhere in the thicket of Helms Deep, you're injured, but in the chaos that follows, doing anything about it seems to slip your mind.

Day Sixteen - "I did good, right?" - Umbrella Academy Unit - A mission gone wrong forces you to over use your powers, pushing you too far.

Day Seventeen - Bleeding Through Bandages - Kili - After being injured in escaping the Orcs, Oin does his best to heal you, but miles down the road, it doesn't seem to be enough.

Day Eighteen - Nightmare - Alfie Solomons - Night after night, you are plagued with nightmares, and Alfie seems to be the only thing that can cure them.

Day Nineteen - Scars - Diego Hargreeves - While patching Diego up after a fight, you see his scars for the first time.

Day Twenty - "Who did this to you?" - Dallas Winston - You get jumped, Dally plots revenge.

Day Twenty One - "You haven't done anything wrong." - Aaron Hotchner - (Autistic reader) - After a particularly long day, you find yourself overwhelmed and unsure. Luckily Aaron is there to help you calm down, no matter how much you protest.

Day Twenty Two - Chronic Pain (again) - Alife Solomons - Getting Alfie to take a day off when his sciatica is bothering him is a full time job.

Day Twenty Three - Exhaustion - Darry Curtis - Darry has been working himself to the utter bone. You take it upon yourself to make him rest.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

These might not get posted consecutively, but I'll do my best.

[th3-c0rps3-r0gu3]

Arranged marriage?

Chapter two.

Royal au

Pairing: princess (to be queen) Natasha X autistic queen reader.

Warnings: Natasha being an asshole. (She gets better... Just not yet.) Natasha getting feelings?

Y/n pov:

The gardens. Meant to be peaceful and calming. But unfortunately I have another meeting with a seething princess Romanoff. She's mad because of how our last interaction went. Me having a meltdown over scrolls and books. Well Natasha calls it a meltdown. I call it being rationally upset over precious history being damaged. But I don't think I could get away with telling Natasha to leave again so I let her rant. Not that I'm listening. I've always been terrible at that..

"are you even listening to me!?"

I'm startled out of my thoughts by those angry words. I glance at Natasha again. I blink slightly as I register the question.

"oh uh.. no."

I then realised that's probably the wrong response as Natasha goes into another loud rant. I'm surprised she's known for her rich kingdom and powerful presence and not overly loud rants that don't need to happen. I would much rather be on the molten wyrm walk down in the southern parts of my kingdom that's happening right now but princess Romanoffs family insisted we meet up today at this time. It's as if the entire family doesn't want me to enjoy my dragons.

"yes princess Romanoff I apologise for my insolent behaviour from our last conversation."

The words come like clockwork. The amount of times I've apologised to this woman I don't even know. But then again it may not be that many since I never counted. I stand up wanting to at least try and get this meeting to come to some sort of an agreeable end and I offer my hand to Natasha.

"perhaps you would entertain a walk with me around my gardens?"

Natasha pov:

I'm pissed. Very very pissed. I'm meant to marry an incompetent woman who seems to have no dignity or self confidence. She's a push over but perhaps this could be useful in further advances to kill her later on. I despise the fact that y/n is offering a walk. As if I would like to walk with her. I would like to shove a knife in her skull. But I can't. Not until we marry and my parents are content. So I shall have to agree.

"very well then. Let us hope your insolent nature doesn't intrude this time."

I scowl as I take queen y/n's hand. And despite the fact I despise the queen with every inch of my existence I must admit her hands are soft and warm. But I ignore it and walk.

Thus far this walk has been uninteresting and a disappointment all round. And I've made that known by complaints. Queen y/n seems to be taking it well. But I doubt she's listening. That wretched woman never is. It's always dragons with her. Something wyrm this something serpent that. Nobody cares about the creatures because of how common it is to find plant drakes and poison lily wyverns in one's garden or even a mouse dragon in one's walls. But it seems as though this woman is stuck on the things.

"and did you know that while Treetailed pixie dragons are commonly found small and the size of someone's palm they actually grow to be the height of any other tree but nobody notices them because of their specially designed tails. So if you look close enough in woods or even orchards you might find one living there unnoticed."

Queen y/n spouts. She's been talking about these dragons nonstop since we were walking. The only break I get is my complaints about how the walk is stupid. I glare down at y/n as she keeps yapping away. But I'm caught off guard when my immediate first thought is she's cute.

Now I'm upset with myself. Why was that my first thought. Queen y/n is anything but cute. She's a weird queen who holds no grasp over her kingdom and is obsessed over common creatures such as dragons. Though I suppose the ones she mentions are ones I never learned about. And it's endearing when she rants. I internally smack myself at that thought. No. Absolutely not. Y/n is not cute or endearing. She's annoying and weak. And she'll be just another murder under my belt in a few more years.

Y/n pov:

I hardly focus on princess Romanoff beside me as I talk. I had spotted a Bumblefluff quetzalcoatl and hadn't stopped talking about dragons since. Though I can see Natasha getting upset with me about it. I internally sigh as I slow down my rant. Perhaps I should be known for my rants considering I do it as much as Natasha. Only my ants are useful. Not mean. Like princess Romanoffs are.

I glance over at said princess and notice her deep in thought with herself. She looks angry. I suppose that's my fault. Must've said something to annoy her. Though it could've been my entire speech. I don't know. Reading people is hard no matter what anyone tells me.

"princess are you ok?"

I'm asking, trying not to be rude like Natasha herself is. I hope it doesn't come across as nosy. I never can tell how people will take my inquiries. Almost always to offense though.

"does it look like I'm ok!?"

Natasha snarls. I never knew she could snarl like that. It was almost animalistic. Too real. I flinch away slightly and fidget with my fingers. There's no books to take my attention away here. I sigh and shake my head.

"no."

I mumble softly. Though this causes a worse reaction out of Natasha. Now she's yelling about how stupid am to ask if she's ok when she's definitely not. I was trying to be nice. But I guess she took it the wrong way. I dodge one of Natasha's hands as she flails them around as she screeches at me for the millionth time. I let her get it out of her system before talking again.

"I apologise princess."

*I speak gently. I hate when people yell at me. Their screaming irritates my ears. I'll avoid social interaction for a while after this. Maybe forever. That sounds nicer than a life condemned to princess Natasha Romanoff. I sigh and keep walking. Now in silence with Natasha. Until I see another Bumblefluff quetzalcoatl and get excited again.

I rush over but slow as I near the small dragon. It's on a lead as of current looking between an orange or yellow flower. I sit a bit away and watch in silence as the small Quetzalcoatl goes about its business. And by the colours it's a female. The yellow and black have been dulled to a near white and grey. The makes are normally brighter and have twinges of orange in the larger ones. I practically squeal with delight as I watch the Bumblefluff quetzalcoatl.

Natasha pov:

I ranted to y/n. This time about my frustrations with her and her dragon obsession. I also slipped the fact I'm going to murder her. Only to test if the queen listens. She doesn't even comment on it. Though I feel guilty when I see y/n flinch. That's not what I had intended. I stop screaming after a few moments and our walk falls to silence. Until queen y/n exits my side and rushes over to a second bumble fizz cutie colt or whatever she said it's name was.

I groan lightly as I stop walking and watch the woman who's meant to be a queen act like a young princess. But y/n does look adorable as she watches the funny dragon she's examining. Wait now she doesn't. Y/n is a frail queen I'll destroy when the time is right.

Y/n is not adorable, endearing or cute. Y/n is not adorable, endearing or cute. Y/n is not adorable, endearing or cute. It's like my fucking mantra now. I'm just repeating it over and over in my skull. Me and the queen are walking again and the gardens end is in view. I practically jump in delight but that's not queenly behaviour so I don't. I'm just trying to keep myself together for the remainder of this horrid walk. Queen y/n is yapping about small dragons again. I'm forcing myself to think it's rancid. And I'm mad I'm needing to force that opinion when it should be natural.

I try not to make a happy noise as the gardens finally come to an end and me and y/n are back where we began. Though I know I'm probably glowing. I can leave. And hammer in the thoughts of queen y/n being only an obstacle again. These thoughts of the queen being sweet are hindering my plan to assassinate her later. I won't have that.

"it seems our walk has ended. And just in time too I need to leave."

I speak in a passive aggressive tone. Though I don't think y/n realises I'm was being passive aggressive since she agrees with me. I hurry over the goodbyes. Desperate to leave this dreaded castle and it's dreaded owner and her dreaded influence over my mind. I eventually get out of the castle grounds and I'm back in my carriage. Going home. I need to get my priorities straight again before these thoughts get in my way.

A/n: I decided to write a Nat pov for this chapter since I could imagine how her side of this interaction would go. Not all chapters will be spilt povs but some of them will. Hope this suffices as a chapter.

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@cd-4848

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[blessedbucky]

we tried the world, good god, it wasn't for us! (part 5.2)

pairing: autistic!satoru x suguru x autistic!reader

word count: 10.4k (relatively mild if i do say so myself)

summary: "suguru won't hurt me."

tags: autistic!reader, autistic!satoru, canon-typical violence, the blood and gore associated with jjk, introducing the shitty and creepy zen'in clan, it's ANGST, like hurt/no comfort level here

beautiful people who asked to be tagged 💕: @ichikanu, @iceheartsice, @anders-is-being-a-simp-again, @lexlibrary

author note: PREMATURE DEATH ARC BABY, this is gonna fucking HURT. also i've got a cute lil' banner that i made that i'm trying to use to create a story masterpost but old lady is having issues formatting on shitty tumblr. stay tuned for new looks hopefully.

chapter links: 1, 2, 3, 4.1, 4.2, 5.1, AO3

[YEAR THREE]

[PART TWO]

“You look tired, Senpai.”

The voice that breaks the silence of dawn is such a shock that the speed in which you snap your head up and to the side puts a crick in your neck. “Yu?” You subtly clutch at your neck, digging your fingers into the sore spot but feigning rubbing it as to not insult him because you expected Kento to be here, not him. “What has you up so early? You don’t train until a little later, don’t you?”

He blinks owlishly. “You really pay attention to the small things, it’s amazing.”

“Oh. Just like drawing and cursed spirits are my thing, I know martial arts are yours. You’re my friend and I try to remember the things they love.”

Yu perks up, grinning brightly. The morning light is still soft, but you could use your sunglasses right about now when it comes to Yu’s thousand-watt smile. “We’re friends, Senpai?”

“I’d like to think so. You let me use your given name.” You hesitate, suddenly struck by self-consciousness. “Am I wrong?”

“No! I mean, if you consider me a friend then I consider you one, too! I just didn’t want to assume. Who doesn’t dream of being friends with their cool upperclassmen?”

You chuckle softly. “Isn’t Suguru the cool one?”

“You’re cool, too!” You raise a skeptical brow. He rubs the back of his neck, sheepish. “Okay, Geto is cooler, but you’re the nicest! Don’t tell Ieiri, though, please!” You won’t betray your junior like that, but Shoko definitely would probably appreciate that assessment. “I’d love to be casual enough with everyone to be on given name basis.”

“You definitely could. Suguru, Satoru, and Shoko don’t care about that kind of thing. If they were easily offended, they wouldn’t stick around people as rude as Satoru and I are,” you explain with a little smile.

He drops down next to you on the bench, looking thoughtful. “Maybe when Nanamin and I graduate, I’ll feel comfortable enough to be that familiar with them.” He sighs too loudly to not be dramatic. “I was worried about taking over for Nanamin on this because I know they can look down on people with no sorcery in their family, but I don’t know why I was. I swear that your power works on humans, too. You’re so calming, y’know?”

It was meant to be a joke, you know, but there’s still a brief moment of pure panic. You haven’t been doing that, have you? It’s a question you ask yourself before quickly answering with a resolute no. Definitely not. Just trying to sense someone’s emotions, as unintentional as it was with Satoru, had you struggling. Controlling someone against their will had you on the verge of death with a brain bleed. You’re terrified by how fast your technique is evolving, yes, but it’s not there. Nowhere near there. You doubt it will ever be to the point where you’re passively influencing people.

“I just want to do my best to help,” you confess. Even if it feels like you’re not doing much of that these days.

“So do I!” Yu declares so enthusiastically and loudly that it echoes. He winces at his own volume and flushes. “Sorry,” he quickly apologizes, but you wave it off. You’re used to loud voices because of Satoru. “But y’know, you ignored me when I said that you look really tired.”

Well, you didn’t mean to, but you’re uncomfortable that he’s bringing it back up. “Don’t worry about me. I haven’t been sleeping the greatest, but I’ll be fine.”

“Hmm, are you sure about that?” Suddenly, he becomes uncharacteristically serious. “I know this is hard work. We see the worst of the world. You and me, we understand that our friends can get lost in all that darkness, so we try to stay bright for them. But we can’t do that if we don’t take care of ourselves.” He smiles, then. Softly and fondly. “My mom understood that when I said I wanted to enroll in school here. She wants to hear about my day, no matter how bad what I see is. She wants to help me carry the burden.”

“It’s hard to believe there are non-sorcerer parents who believe in cursed spirits,” you mumble more to yourself than him. “You have an amazing mother, Yu. I’m jealous.”

He preens, as he should. “My dad listens, too!” He blinks, laughs nervously, and then tries to humble himself quickly after. “It took them a while to accept it, though. But when both your children can see these invisible things, it becomes a little harder to deny. I think they still were kinda in denial until Sensei came and confirmed it all.”

“Still…the fact that they’re willing to hear the details…”

“My mom told me that she tells herself that it’s like I’m going to school to become a medical examiner. Eh, my dad was a real delinquent in high school before he got his act together. He was in a gang. It’s not as bad as what I see, but he can handle the nastier things that I can’t hold in anymore.”

As the manager pulls up to the curb, here to pick you both up for the trip to the Zen’in compound, Yu passes you one of the three onigiri he brought with him. He stands up, interrupting your incoming protest, and grins down at you. “Don’t worry! I know you forget to eat in the mornings a lot, so I made an extra! Just like I know you’re tired but won’t lean on my shoulder unless I say it’s okay!”

One day, you hope that you can meet Yu’s parents, only to tell them how great a job they did in raising a son.

As you’ve come to learn about these long-established clans, they meet you with open hostility. To them, you are not only an outsider, but an extension of headquarters’ will. Despite the fact that there is a Kamo and Zen’in on the council, they are bound by Tengen’s authority. Gakuganji confirmed, after reprimanding you on your manners with the Kamo, that Tengen was the one who wanted to test your abilities. At some point, when you’re done with the Zen’in, he’ll want to meet with you. It’s a terrifying prospect.

Anyway, the leader of the Zen’in clan is not the higher-up that you’d been speaking with. The man that briefly shows his face to you and Yu is graying, has an insanely weirdly styled mustache, and holds a gourd while stinking of alcohol. He passes out as soon as he sprawls out across from you two. Yu is the one to go try and find someone to talk to since the leader—Naobito, the manager told you—is snoring away.

Two people soon walk into the room, followed by Yu. You’ve never seen Yu have to force a smile before, but there’s a first time for everything. You’ve always been under the belief that Yu is an excellent judge of character, so when he finds it hard to like someone, your hackles are immediately raised. Then again, the horror stories that you’ve heard about this clan, you didn’t really need Yu’s opinion, anyway.

A middle-aged man briefly glances at Naobito with a disgusted curl of the lip before turning his terrifying gaze on you. The sclera of his eyes is pitch black. You refuse to even try to make eye contact. They’d probably appreciate that, anyway, since they think a woman’s place is beneath a man. The other person with him is someone that’s actually close to your age. His hair is dyed blonde at the top of his head while his roots are a dark, dark green.

“I am Zen’in Ogi, younger brother of Naobito,” the older man introduces with no small amount of loathing. “Naoya—”

The one that’s your age—Naoya—hasn’t stopped moving toward you. When he’s directly in front of you, he tilts his head to the side, scrutinizing you. “You should smile more.”

You tilt to the side, focusing on Ogi. “Thank you for hosting us.”

“Oi.” Naoya nudges you with his tabi. It takes everything in you not to lash out or flinch away. You know a bully when you see one and they revel in seeing that their antics are affecting their target. “I’m next in line for head of the clan, y’know. You should be talking to me about this stuff.”

“You’re not of age yet.” You are a child, you’re silently saying. This is an assumption, of course, but Satoru did mention there being someone in the Zen’in clan that bothers him at the annual Big Three meetup. It’s supposedly to keep the peace, but it’s just a way to show off the next generation’s strength, Satoru says. A pissing contest. “You’re more than welcome to sit and listen as I speak with Mister Ogi.”

“You don’t need to be such a bitch,” Naoya scolds haughtily. “Especially when I’ll be the one escorting you around.”

You haven’t looked away from Ogi. You watch his cheek twitch, as if he’s holding back from laughing. Clan dynamics are just so…odd. To enjoy the embarrassment of another simply because you’re not next in line. Maybe you should’ve simply smiled and played along because Ogi will probably stick Naoya with you to keep up the flustering of his nephew.

Trying to dodge a day with this spoiled brat, you politely inform Ogi, “I would be more than happy to wait if you’re both too busy.”

“Seeing as Naobito is…indisposed—” is that what they’re calling being blackout drunk? “We have nothing pressing anymore, so Naoya can see to you. It would do him good to revisit our cursed object collection seeing as it’ll be his to worry about when he’s clan head.” Ogi pulls something out of his yukata. A key. “Naoya, keep them away from the Disciplinary Pit. You’re responsible for their safety. We can’t have any incidents potentially impacting our seat at headquarters.”

Naoya scoffs unhappily.

It might be the only time that you’ll ever agree with this brat.

Zen’in Naoya is insistent on pestering you.

To your great misfortune, no one educated Naoya on the purpose of your visit. So, he uses that as an opening to throw question after question at you while peppering in his annoying commentary. As much as you care for Yu, if he asks to go to lunch after this, you might actually cry. You’ve been here a little over an hour and have a headache. You’re teetering on the verge of losing your temper and getting yourself in trouble.

“Why are a couple of students here, anyway?”

“To examine the seals of your cursed objects and strengthen them if they’re too weak.”

“What? Are you training to be one of those managers or whatever?” Naoya laughs obnoxiously. “Gross.”

“I’m a sorcerer,” you correct.

“One of the strongest at school!” Yu adds on your behalf.

Naoya, in front of you both as he leads you across the compound, glances over his shoulder to eye you skeptically. If their clan looks down so harshly on women, it wouldn’t be that far a stretch to assume that he doesn’t think your capable of strength. “What kind of technique do you have?”

“Pacification and control, to an extent,” you answer.

He raises a brow. “Like that Geto guy that got assigned Special Grade with Gojo?”

The mention of Satoru and Suguru makes you bristle, of course. It’s a protective instinct, you guess. “No. I can hide myself from cursed spirits. I keep them calm. If they’re weak enough, I can suggest things to them.” Before he can ask, you go ahead and answer what you expect his next question will be. “Headquarters considers me an expert on cursed spirits. They thought it would be beneficial for me to also learn about seals. I’m here on their orders.”

“Sounds like you’re a knockoff of that Geto kid, then.”

The jab has you gritting your teeth.

You have to admit, that’s a new insult. People have accused you of holding him back, being an annoying burr in his side that just won’t leave. No one has ever said that you’re a weaker version of him, though. You’re not sure why it’s slowly starting to get under your skin. Maybe it’s an insult to your usefulness—something that you’re already incredibly insecure about. And you hate that you’re genuinely thinking about this now.

“Are we almost there?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Naoya is, blessedly, silent for the rest of the trek. You reach the end of the dark staircase that you assumed was to take you underground. It’s a large stone chamber with tile flooring. As soon as you step fully into the room, a massive wave of cursed energy washes over you. Yu freezes, breath hitching, eyes widening. It’s not that intimidating, is it? There’s quite the number of spirits somewhere down here, yes, but they’re all Grade 2 or lower.

You’re honestly more irritated than anything by the sheer arrogance and stupidity of this clan. “You have cursed objects…near all these cursed spirits?” The chamber diverges. Ahead, there is a giant room that has ropes across the opening. Ropes, you note, that have weak seals attached to them.

Naoya waves you off. “They won’t break through that seal.”

“Having cursed objects so close only makes them more agitated,” you educate, though you know that he’s probably already aware of that fact. “The more agitated they are, the more they batter against that barrier and weaken it. Why do you even have spirits on your compound?”

He sticks a finger in his ear, as if your nagging is nothing but an itch in his ear. “Didn’t you hear my uncle? It’s a pit for training and discipline. We like agitating them, obviously. That makes the pit more effective.”

The Kamo and Gojo had their own collection of spirits. Most people from the clans aren’t like Satoru. Homeschooling in Japan isn’t allowed until high school, so there’s a special private school that’s in the know of jujutsu and works with the headquarters and the government. That school in Kyoto is where most children of the clans go until high school where they head back to their clans to be trained intensely.

Still, the spirits that the Kamo and Gojo had weren’t nearly as strong. Satoru said that the people in his clan go out in the field to find the strong spirits because they understand that there are vulnerable people on their compounds. How they feel about those vulnerable people might horrify you, but they aren’t actively putting the lives of everyone in their compounds in danger every single second like the Zen’in clan is.

What the hell is wrong with these people?

“I’ll be reinforcing those seals, too,” you force out through gritted teeth.

Naoya simply shrugs before heading in the opposite direction of the pit where there’s a hall. At the end of it is a massive door, a bunch of seals lining the door that’s locked with a basic chain and padlock. Is jujutsu society built on nothing but a crumbling infrastructure? Are they all so arrogant and complacent that they assume it’ll all be fine until it’s just not anymore? Then again, why wouldn’t they be when they have bodies to throw at their problems?

What are you even doing here anymore?

Increasingly more and more, you wonder what would’ve happened to you if you stayed behind in the village. Who knows how long you’d be under the thumb of your overprotective yet distant mother and bitter father. You’d fumble your way through some job in the town or a nearby one, too poor for college and probably getting talked out of it by your mother, anyway. Which would be a better life? It seems like both paths leads to you being a simple cog in a broken machine.

“Here, Senpai,” Yu whispers as he passes you the cage with the fly heads. “I think it might be better for me to wait outside.”

“No.” You glare at Naoya. “It’s safer to be in here.”

Naoya rolls his eyes. “Calm down. It’s not that big a deal. Besides, if you were a competent sorcerer, you could easily handle all those spirits by yourself.”

“Would you like to keep watch, then?”

He sniffs. “No thanks. I want to see what you can do.”

“I work better in silence.”

Naoya smiles beatifically. “I’ll be as quiet as a mouse.”

Seeing as this is his home, there’s nothing you can do about his presence. This is seriously throwing off the routine you’ve created with this assignment which only aggravates you further. But you move your focus to watching the fly heads, gauging their reactions as you walk amongst the shelves, holding the cage to each object. You’re even irritated with the fly heads, impatient at their slow reaction times when you already know which seals are weakest.

Naoya, shockingly, is relatively quiet. But, because he’s insistent on being a pest, he hangs over your shoulder. Yu is a good friend, knowing how you work, and stands back by the door. There aren’t many objects that require a fresh seal—less than the Kamo and Gojo which is as much credit as you’ll give this clan. If you had to guess as to why that is, they have more people in their clan so there are more people to assign this task. After all, this is a super traditional clan that believes in…sowing their oats as much as humanly possible.

The biggest task today will be that rope along the pit. If you’re honest, you want to be stubborn and ignore it. You don’t want to fuel this barbaric practice. If you don’t, though, the seal will continue to degrade. Your pettiness could cost many lives if these spirits ever escaped. You could leave it to the clan. Write a scathing review of what you saw. You doubt the higher-ups will do much about it, though. The Zen’in would probably call it an exercise and just let it break.

“Mind if I give you a piece of advice?” Naoya drawls as you’re scribbling some notes for your final report to hand in to the higher-ups. You ignore him because he’ll give you his advice whether you want it or not. Some people just love the sound of their own voice. “If you want a man, you need to smile more.” You pointedly deepen your frown. Yu hides his laugh behind a cough. Naoya flushes in chagrin. “What’s your problem with me, huh? I’m trying to give you advice.”

“Marriage is not a priority for me. I’m too young for that.”

“Oh, c’mon. Marriage is the only thing normal girls are thinking about for all their lives.”

“Yes, because sorcerers are such normal people.” You can’t help the sarcasm now. Your patience has finally been pushed to the limit. “So, again, that is not a priority for me right now or in the foreseeable future.”

He hums. “Maybe you should think harder about it. You never know when an offer for marriage might come your way. You’re sort of plain, sure, and you definitely have no pedigree. Still, you have a decent ability. Like I said, Geto Suguru knockoff. Our clan is always looking for fresh talent to be passed along to the next generation when it comes to women.”

The thought of marrying into this clan makes you gag. You do it right in front of Naoya’s face, unable to control yourself, and he sputters in outrage. Yu immediately leaps into action, putting himself between you and Naoya.

With his back to you, he faces Naoya with squared shoulders and a voice that’s low and dangerous. “Stop criticizing my senpai.”

Naoya’s feet spread slightly, as if preparing to take a battle stance. “Oh? What are you gonna do about it, peasant?” Peasant? A lame insult. Are you in the Heian era or what? “You look like you’ve got nothing going on in that head of yours, so let me lay it out for you and your senpai in simple terms. It’s the highest honor to even be a consideration in the running of the next Zen’in clan head’s wife.”

Him? Naoya was suggesting a proposal from him? Oh, you feel nauseous. You feel so disturbed that the fly heads fluttering around in the cage come to a dead stop and watch you intently, having been unintentionally put under your influence. Right. So, you should calm down. Seems like an enormous task at the moment. Just a little longer, you desperately remind yourself. You’ll say your piece to Naoya and move on.

You gently nudge Yu out of the way so that Naoya can see the radiance and superiority in your smile. Suguru would be proud if he saw it. “I was under the impression that the jujutsu world prized strength above all else. Was that wrong?” You tilt your head, mocking in your curiosity. “There would be more honor in being Gojo Satoru’s whore than there would ever be in becoming the wife of a Zen’in.”

It has the desired effect. You imagine that heads and heirs of the Kamo and Zen’in clans have quite the complex when it comes to Satoru who, for all intents and purposes, carries the Gojo clan on his back. One could argue the entire jujutsu world, but that’s a conversation for another time.

Naoya, with his face red and twisted into an ugly snarl and ears practically blowing steam, is interrupted before he can start throwing a temper tantrum.

A scream.

No, two of them.

Both you and Yu are on the move immediately, leaving behind Naoya’s shouted, “Oi!”

There are children down here. Two little girls from the sound of it. You can hear them begging for their father. Even worse, they must be non-sorcerer children because you only feel the muted presence of all those cursed spirits in the pit, Yu, Naoya, and someone else. It’s that man, Ogi. Thank goodness that someone has a heart or some sense, at least. He must be coming to get the children that ran down here. You’ll still rush to help, of course. You can calm the spirits down—

As you break away from the hallway, the horror of what you see sends you to a screeching halt. Yu gasps, visibly shaken and outraged at the same time. Because, ahead of you, is Ogi, yes. But he is not helping the two little girls who slipped down here, no, no. He has each one tucked under his arm, overpowering the twin girls’ frantic struggles to get away from the fucking pit with cursed spirits. They’re screaming and begging for their father…to stop from doing what he’s about to do.

“Stop!” Yu screeches, angrier than you have ever seen him before. Then, ruder than you’ve ever heard him be, he goes on to ask, “What the hell do you think you’re doing, you senile geezer?!”

Ogi doesn’t hesitate. Not even a bit. As soon as he’s at the top of the staircase that leads down to the pit, he roughly tosses both the twins down it, right into the belly of the beast. You move, as deadly serious at the older man, dead set on getting those little girls out of there. Ogi turns to face you, hand reaching for the handle of his katana.

“Stand down,” he barks. “These are my children, and I’ll punish them as I see fit.” He actually takes a stance. Prepared to cut you and Yu down to continue this cruel abuse disguised as parenting. “Strangers will not be allowed to interfere in clan business. The higher-ups won’t protect you.”

You think when you heard my children, that’s when you snapped. It’s a moment of immense pressure in your skull, of ringing in your ears, of blood slipping down from your nose across the cupid’s bow of your top lip. Maybe the reason that you don’t pass out immediately is because it’s only to make Ogi misstep when he swings his katana at you. It smacks against the tile, the sound reverberating, and you sidestep him to rush into the pit.

It’s too late.

Or maybe you spent too much mental energy on making Ogi stop that you don’t have enough time to reattune your focus to quell the cursed spirits in the pit. The weaker spirits hesitate, but there’s one—Grade 2, bordering on Grade 1. It raises an arm, claws poised to slash. Only one of the girls reacts, throwing herself in front of her sister that’s looking around wildly because she must not be able to see the spirits that her sister has barely enough cursed energy to do.

Again, it’s too late to stop the blow, but you make it in time to be the one to take it. You leap at the girls, blanketing their small bodies with yours just as the claws come down. It burns. It burns. And the only reason that you’re conscious, that you’re alive is because Yu was right behind you and managed to knock the spirit off balance enough to weaken the blow.

Your body, uncaring of limits when it’s now on the brink of death, finds the energy to send a surge of cursed energy throughout the room. Every single spirit, even the one with blood dripping from its claws, is lulled to stillness by your pacification. Kill yourself, your body screams.

“Cover…” Your nails scrape against the tile before you clench your fists. “Cover…your…your ears,” you shakily demand of the girl that can see the cursed spirits.

Children shouldn’t have to hear the gore that’s about to ensue.

Slowly, you float back to consciousness while wondering when you even passed out.

You’re kind of surprised that you’re even awake right now. Because you’re sprawled out on your belly on a futon, naked down to your waist but not all that exposed since bandages are wrapped all around your upper torso. Your stomach and breasts are sore, an indication that you’ve been in this position for a long time now. Still, as uncaring about your comfort as they were, the Zen’in didn’t let you die.

Ha. So much for that old man’s warning that you wouldn’t be protected.

Then again, maybe the Zen’in don’t want to deal with the rage of Gojo Satoru.

Speaking of rage…

“Suguru,” you hoarsely call out to the dark presence that you sense looming in the corner of the room. Just a tilt to the side has pain racing across your body, so you can’t turn to see where he’s at, but you feel him. His cursed energy is burning. “Stop with that. You’ll scare everyone.”

“It’s the least they deserve,” Suguru spits.

With how furious he feels and sounds, you expect him to stay where he is. Brooding. But he doesn’t. You hear the shift of fabric before the soft padding of his feet against the tatami. He does look the picture of rage with his eyes, burning bright. His jaw is clenched, along with his fists that he puts on his thighs when he kneels down next to you. If someone other than you were here, it might be intimidating.

It is you, though, and it’s all undermined with Tamamo-no-Mae floating behind him. Her cursed energy is familiar, almost like a comfort now. He’s had her since that field trip to Osorezan. When one of her fox tails flops down from underneath her jūnihitoe, she strokes your cheek with it, and you giggle. And, like always, fox hair gets in your mouth.

“Put her away. Her toes gross me out,” you breathe out, trying to bring some levity to the situation before you start trying to spit out the fox hair without moving your hand. You think it’ll hurt too much to move your arms. “I can’t believe you pulled out a Special Grade for the Zen’in.”

“I don’t trust them.” Finally, his expression softens when his gaze drops down to you. He reaches down to put his hand on the side of your face. “How are you?”

“Hurts,” you admit.

“I know,” he croons sympathetically as he strokes your cheek. “Of all the times for Shoko to be away,” he sighs. “She won’t be here until the day after tomorrow. Satoru threatened to end the mission early, but Shoko talked him out of it. She spoke with the Zen’in that treated you. If you had a brain bleed, you’d already be dead. I sent her some photos of your back, too. You’ll be okay to wait. There’s just going to be scarring.”

“As if I care about that,” you mumble tiredly as your eyes slip close. “Can we go home?”

“Of course.” Suguru hunches over to press a kiss against your forehead. You don’t have it in you to be shy. “I’ll try not to have the spirit move you too much, but I’m sorry in advanced if it hurts you.”

“‘s okay. Sorry for the trouble.”

“Rest now.”

Somehow, you manage not to cry from the pain, but it’s a definite struggle. The worst part is when you arrive at the barrier around campus and Suguru has to carry you in his arms from there. Thankfully, the barrier is right at the top of the staircase, so you’re not jostled as much on the back of a manta ray as you would’ve been if Suguru carried you all the way up them. By the time he makes it to your room, though, your stitches have re-opened.

“You’re going to take a shower with me?” Now you have a little more mental energy to feel flustered.

Suguru is kneeled down in front of you, having carried you to the locker room where he’s now slipping your shoes off. “I know you. The blood dried on your back is bothering you, isn’t it? You’re not going to be able to sleep with it on your skin.” You look away, trying not to pout because he’s totally right and you kind of hate it. Above all else, it makes you feel special, but you also hate it. “We’ve had sex before,” he reminds you. “If you’re really uncomfortable with it then we can wait for Shoko.”

“No, I don’t want to wait for her.” Your cheeks puff out, so, yeah, you’re definitely pouting now. “I…us showering together…it doesn’t bother me that much. It’s just…I hate putting you out. You…you don’t have to dote on me like…this…” You motion to where his hands are curled around the waistband of your leggings. Despite your protest, you still lift your hips up to let him slide your leggings off. “I bet you didn’t do this with Satoru.”

“I did take care of him as much as he’d let me, actually.” Oh. “And I washed his back, too.” Suguru chuckles softly. “In all our years together, has it ever crossed your mind that I like taking care of you?”

No, honestly. That thought has never crossed your mind. “Help me undress,” you mumble embarrassedly. “Jeez, you didn’t need to lay it on so thick. I get it, I get it.”

“It’s cute when you get all shy,” he teases. “You act exactly like Satoru did.”

“Guess you have a type then,” you grouse.

He laughs at that. An actual laugh. And his face is soft, welcoming. “I guess I do, don’t I?”

Suguru had the hindsight to put you in his blazer before you left the Zen’in compound. It’s easy to take off without aggravating your stitches further. But there’s no stopping the sting of the water hitting the slashes across your back. Suguru rubs your shoulder soothingly as you try to force your body to relax. Everything is sore. The antiseptic meant to numb the area that the Zen’in medic was magnanimous enough to give you has faded. You duck your head, focusing on the water at your feet that slowly bleeds to pink to try and forget the pain.

Gently, Suguru starts to wash your back, exactly like he said he would. There’s no getting around the fact that the cloth will brush against your tender stitches. You grit your teeth in preparation and clutch at his hand still on your shoulder. As he gets to work, he starts up a conversation because he understands that keeping your mind off things will help.

“Will you tell me what happened?”

“Yu didn’t say?”

“No. Sensei pulled him in to talk with Gakuganji and some of the Zen’in. I think they went back to school ahead of us. The clans can pretend they’re better than the rest of us, but they still answer to headquarters. So, there might be some trouble for the Zen’in since you were technically there on orders.”

“Good.” He hums in question at your scathing remark. “They have a pit, you know. It’s filled with cursed spirits. The one that hurt me was nearly a Grade 1. They call it the Disciplinary Pit. I knew they were traditional but that…that’s barbaric.” The other hand that isn’t clutching Suguru is balled into a fist at your side. “And what was that old bastard going to do? He was going to throw children in there. They couldn’t have been more than…I don’t know. Six? And…and they were non-sorcerers!”

Suguru’s hand stops suddenly. The one gripping your shoulder goes unbearably tight. Against your back, you feel the other curl into a ball. “Non-sorcerers did this to you?”

Your brows furrow. Putting the pain aside, you look over your shoulder, utterly confused about where he got that idea from. “Did you space out just now or…?” Why does he look almost as angry as he did in the Zen’in compound? “Are you okay?” Why do you feel so…uneasy right now? “I said that old man—”

“Were those his children?”

“Yes? I don’t know what that has to do with anything, though. Did you not hear me when I said the pit was full of cursed spirits?”

“I heard, but…” He takes a deep breath, exhales, in that way he does when he’s trying to quell his temper. “Are you sure you didn’t overreact? I doubt he would’ve let them get hurt. You’re making it sound like he was just disciplining his children—”

“Overreacting,” you repeat blankly.

He sighs your name, irritated again. “Stop it. I can already tell you’re taking it the wrong way. We know how you are—”

Slowly, you force Suguru’s hand away from your shoulder, continuing to stare at him like he’s grown another head. He may as well have. You turn around, hoping that he’ll backtrack in the time it takes you to face him, but he seems to mentally double down because he squares his jaw when your eyes meet his. There’s…an energy festering around him. You don’t like it. It’s so angry.

But you are as equally angry, so you don’t try to appease him. You don’t try to calm things down. Instead, you lash out, seeking to antagonize. “Am I speaking a different language right now?”

Suguru picks up on your hostility, his own hackles raising once again. “You acted rashly. You almost died…and for what? Did you even ask what they did?”

This conversation has been slipping under your skin, touching a nerve that makes it hard to ignore. You don’t understand why until you unthinkingly snap, “Should I have asked your parents what you did before I went to the teachers about your bruises?”

He barks out a laugh. Dark. Nasty. Bitter. “Maybe you should have. Maybe then my arm wouldn’t have gotten broken because of you.”

The words are worse than a gut punch. Worse than how it felt when that curse’s claws sunk into your skin. You knew. In the back of your mind, logically, you knew that the social worker was called because of you and the broken arm he showed up at school with was because of you, too. But…the hurt of him saying that is so visceral.

Still, you must not look hurt enough because Suguru keeps going. “Are you ever going to stop and think before trying to help someone? Haven’t you hurt enough people?”

Dread, ice cold, rushes through your veins, dousing the fire of anger. You’re panicked by the things welling up inside the center of your chest. You blurt, “Leave.”

Suguru shakes his head. He sighs, the edge leaving his features. How dare he look so sympathetic. Like…like he pities you for not having figured this truth out sooner. Just more salt rubbed on this wound he dealt. For a moment, you’re reminded of your mother and the pity she has for her simple daughter. This is not your Suguru. Not anymore. You don’t know who this is and that scares you.

He reaches out a hand, whispering your name, but you flinch away.

“Leave!”  

The order is screeched so loud that your voice cracks. It’s a volume that you didn’t think yourself capable of, let alone Suguru having heard out of you before. The noise startles him, and he jerks away. The two of you stare at each other, confused about the strangers you’ve become. You’re both shaken.

Suguru tries again, blinking the confusion away as he repeats your name and reaches out.

Trying to hide away from him, you try to cover yourself while backing away. You latch onto that demand because it’s all you can do. “Leave!” You don’t want him to see you collapse in on yourself. He won’t bring you peace. He’ll only make it worse. You scream again, “Leave!”

Scream and scream and scream…

Until, finally, looking like a wounded animal, he leaves.

It takes a long, long time for you to leave the shower room.

As unsanitary as it is, you’d sat down, butt ass naked, in the middle of the showers, sobbing and trying to calm yourself down. If you could, you’d have curled up right there and gone to sleep, but you gain enough comprehension back to know that would be a stupid idea as your emotions subside.

Still sensitive, still raw, you walk out to the locker room and see your clothes on the bench. The clothes that Suguru picked out for you. Along with the fresh bandages that he was planning to help you with. You’ll have to do that yourself now. Somehow. It pisses you off. Even when you throw the clothes to the floor in anger, you realize that you’re more upset at yourself than him. It isn’t his fault that you’re so helpless.

Halfway to your room, in nothing but your towel, you sense Yu’s cursed energy growing closer. You only have enough time to finish waddling to your room, slam the door behind you, and put on panties and shorts before he’s knocking on your door. The sound has you gritting your teeth in annoyance.

“Senpai,” he calls out through the door. His voice is alarmed. “Senpai, there’s blood on the floor!”

Damn it. “I just pulled at the stitches. It’s okay. I’ll handle it.”

“But…aren’t those stitches on your back? Can you reach them?”

“I’ll manage,” you snarl loudly.

On the other side of the door, there’s a pause. Your anger is getting misplaced. If you don’t calm down, you might lose a friend today. Maybe more than one. Who the fuck knows where you and Suguru stand right now. Fuck, you want to dig your teeth into something and tear. You should not be around another person anymore today.

“Okay! I’m coming in, so please cover up!” Yu warns. The doorknob rattles once before he realizes, “Um. Right. You might not be decent and probably need time to get dressed. Let me know when you’re ready. I won’t leave until you do!”

Oh, well, it seems that his stubbornness has knocked your temper loose. Or you accept that you’re too exhausted to wait him out, so there’s also no use in staying mad. Taking a deep breath, you ready yourself. You grab the chair from your desk, spin it around the opposite way, and sit with your chest against the backrest. You keep your damp towel pressed tight to your chest.

“Go ahead,” you call out to him tiredly.

“Thank you!”

“Why are you thanking me?” You tilt your head forward, knocking it against the edge of the chair. “Sorry for making you clean up my mess.” From the position of your head, you can see the splotches of red on your towel. “Literally,” you add under your breath because you know Yu’s going to offer to clean up all the blood.

Yu shuffles forward. Hearing the clutter coming from the direction of your desk means he’s gathering up the first-aid kit. “How many times have you patched me and Nanamin up? Isn’t it time for me to return the favor?”

“I’m the senpai here.”

“What did we talk about this morning?”

Right. Take care of yourself. Lean on others. Yu doesn’t understand that if you lean too much on someone else, you quickly become a burden. No. You can’t let your mind go there right now. “Didn’t you take care of me enough when you saved my life today?”

“Eh? What are you talking about? I distracted it long enough for you to finish them off. All of them. That geezer’s reaction when they all killed themselves was funny, now that I know you’re safe and can think about it.” You both share a laugh at that asshole, Ogi’s, expense. “They’re sending you on a mission with us,” he admits after a minute of silence.

“Punishment for overstepping?”

Yu doesn’t say it is, but it is. You know how these things go. “Purely research!” Yu tries to soften the blow. “We’ll make sure you don’t lift a finger! You won’t even have to think that hard! We can make it a vacation.” Yeah, right. You’re pretty sure if an auxiliary manager saw you having fun with Yu and Kento, you’d be sent away again on another mission for the penalty of simply enjoying life. “And if you don’t feel like shopping for souvenirs, I’ll do it for you. We won’t tell anyone.”

“Sure, Yu. That sounds good.”

Yu’s voice is so unbearably soft when he whispers, “You need rest, too, Senpai.” His kindness brings tears to your eyes. You’re glad that your head is down so that you can’t embarrass yourself any further today. “I’ll make sure you get some. Just leave it to me, okay?”

“Okay.” Emotion clogs up your throat, but you manage a weak, “Thank you.”

***

[06:55] You didn’t see me before you left.

[06:56] You saw Satoru. Not me.

[06:58] Never mind. I get why.

[07:32] I went too far. I was cruel. I don’t blame you for that. Never have. You were the only person that tried to help me. I’ll never forget that. I’ll always be grateful. What I said was me looking for things to say to hurt you. I almost lost you and didn’t know how to deal with that. It didn’t seem like you cared about your own life. I lashed out.

[09:13] I’m sorry. I’ve been under a lot of stress. I can’t eat or sleep. It’s no excuse. I’m sorry. I’ll say it as much as you need me to. I can’t lose you. I can’t. You’re all I have left.

[11:29] Squid. Please. Say something. Anything. I’m sorry.

[13:10] I know you’re angry. But I’m worried. No one has heard from you. Haibara won’t answer. Neither will Nanami.

[13:11] Just a simple reply. A frowny face. Anything at all. Let me know you’re seeing this.

[14:04] Squid?

[14:05[ Please.

[16:43] Are you safe?

[16:44] Is what I’m hearing true?

[16:45] Be safe. Please. Be safe.

[16:46] I’m on the way.

***

It’s a disgustingly humid September night, technically, but right now, you’re cold.

And all you wanted was to be like them.

Foolishly, you told yourself that if they could take a mission three weeks after they faced death, why couldn’t you? It’s not like you almost died. The two weeks that Sensei pushed for you to have off were generous enough. Besides, you understand it now, how much of a hindrance you actually were when you fought to keep them out of the field.

You need this.

You can’t stand to be alone with your mind.

But you weren’t ready. Just the sight of the small, dilapidated shrine has blood splattering across your memories. You break out into a cold sweat. There’s a war inside your mind. This isn’t like two weeks ago—that’s what you try to remind yourself. Push through it. A shrine doesn’t automatically equal an ubusunagami spirit. Where is Suguru? You’re sick to your stomach. Why did you split up? Have you learned nothing? Are you going to be too late to save a life again?

Stop, you plead to your body. You clench your trembling fists. You have to do this. The world has to spin on. It doesn’t care about a stupid girl who made the wrong call and killed a boy. This work is both your punishment and atonement. You’ll let them keep tugging at the leash around your neck until it’s a noose because that’s what you deserve.

The oppressive weight of the Grade 1’s cursed energy that’s been haunting these woods shifts. With nothing but the moon and some flashlights, it’s easy to follow after the explosion of blue light. You’re dazed over the fact that you missed everything that happened. Was there even a fluctuation? A fight? Is Suguru just that strong that he can absorb a Grade 1 in the dead of night like it’s nothing?

As you break into the clearing where he is, you ask, “You took care of it?” Like the answer isn’t obviously sliding down his throat, glowing eerily through the delicate skin of his neck. “Why didn’t you come find me? I wasn’t far.”

Suguru glances away after it’s swallowed. Not even a wince anymore. “It’s fine.”

This irritates you. Another little thing tonight that he’s done. Reminding you incessantly that you could stay behind with the auxiliary manager, trying to force food down your throat when you’re clearly not hungry, touching the small of your back to guide you, hovering. Now, he does this.

The only reason that you keep your mouth shut is because you know he cares. He’s a good person, like everyone else. They don’t blame you and treat you like glass, like you’re a victim. You pinch the bridge of your nose, trying to breathe. You tell yourself it’s the humidity making your chest tight.

With the other hand, you wave your sketchbook. “Are you serious? It was Grade 1. I’m supposed to record that.”

“I’ll let you sketch it later.”

“It’s pointless now,” you mutter. “Don’t even bother.”

Suguru scoffs. “Okay. You’re welcome, by the way.”

“Recording them doesn’t only mean drawing pretty pictures. I’m supposed to observe their behavior.”

“You can.”

“You know it isn’t the same when they’re under your control.”

Suguru reaches up to press a thumb to his forehead, meaning he’s getting irritated with you. You resist the urge to do the same, instead tapping your foot impatiently. “It’s your first mission back,” he tries to reason. “I’m sure they’ll be understanding. But if they try to hold imperfect notes against you, I’ll take the blame.”

“I don’t want them to take it easy on me!”

He shakes his head, dismissive. “You shouldn’t have come.”

“I’m not broken.”

“Everything about this goddamn system is broken!” Suguru shouts, making you reel back. The two of you watch each other warily. He shakes his head again, squeezes his eyes shut, takes deep breaths. “Let’s…just go. We’ll deal with this later,” he mutters irritably. “Let’s meet with the contact in the village and use their phone to call the manager.”

“Fine.”

Three wide brown eyes stare at you in terror.

There should be four, but one is swollen shut.

That face is too tiny to be so battered.

Suguru speaks where you cannot. “What is this?”

A man and woman were at the door, frantic and desperate to know where you and Suguru had been. Before you’d even had the chance to explain that their problem was taken care of, they practically shoved you and Suguru toward a shed. It was hard to make out what they were trying to say throughout their panicked and angry babbling. You think there was something about some murderers.

From behind you, your contact in the village answers, “What, you ask? These two are responsible for the latest incidents, right?”

Suguru is back to pressing a thumb to his forehead. Emotions are rising. Yours definitely are. Anger is putting a tremble in your hands again and your head is throbbing. You’re trying to find your voice past the lump in your throat. What the fuck is this? Does no one fucking visit these places before sending a sorcerer out?! A sorcerer wasn’t the only person needed here! A goddamn police officer was!

“No, they’re not,” Suguru answers more calmly than you can.

The man insists, “These two are crazy! They used their mysterious powers to attack the villagers!”

Something about the girls shifting, huddling closer to each other, finally snaps you into action. Full of rage, you shove past the woman to grab the set of keys that you saw near the door. “If you psychos even gave us the chance to talk, you’d know that we got rid of the problem already!”

The couple starts to sputter in outrage, seeing your clear plan to release these girls. Suguru remains unmoving, big body enough of a deterrent to keep the non-sorcerers from lashing out. So, the woman claws at your wrist. “My granddaughter was nearly killed by these two!”

One of the little girls, the one with dirty blonde hair, tries to protest, “That’s because she—”

“Shut up, you monsters!” Out of the corner of your eye, the shadows shift unnaturally. In the flickering of the flame, it’s not too noticeable. Suguru’s shadow raises a hand, pointing, and from the end of that finger comes a little spirit. “Your parents were just as bad,” the woman continues to rave. “I knew we should have killed you when you two were babies!”

It’s okay, Suguru commands the little spirit to whisper. He’s trying to reassure the little girls, to let them know that you’re all one in the same, that they’ll be safe with you. Adrenaline is rushing through your veins. There is a primal instinct to get these girls out of this place. You are all in danger here.

Blocking the entrance of the cell with your body, with every fiber of your being, you swear to the couple, “If you ever try to hurt these children again, I will kill you.” If Suguru will be gentle, then you will flash your teeth. It’s enough to send the man and woman stumbling back. “We’re leaving. If you try to stop us, I will kill you. Do you understand?”

No response. They just book it.

As soon as they’re out the door, you’re a flurry of movement. You tear off your hoodie and snatch Suguru’s blazer from where it’d slipped out of his grasp from the shock. You collapse to your knees in front of the girls, resisting the urge to touch them and check for injuries before you introduce yourself.

“We’re like you,” you explain as gently as you can when you feel so frantic. “We see them. We see you. I’m going to protect you with my life, okay? Are you cold?” They nod fervently. “Put these on. Let me help. Can you walk?” Throughout the process of wrapping them up in something warm, they manage weak affirmations. “Good. Okay. I know the things you’ve been seeing are scary, but Suguru can control them. If you see any of them, don’t be afraid. You never have to be afraid when he’s around.” You look over your shoulder briefly, hoping that directly speaking to him will pull him out of the trance. “Right? Suguru?”

Suguru stares at you blankly, unseeing. Inside him, though, his cursed energy is a frenzy. So big, so uncontrollable that it bleeds out. It’s sharp, like needles pinning down the wings of an insect. You are aggressively thrown back to that day where Satoru rose from the dead, godlike in his power, and how small it made you feel. Prey under the heavy gaze of a predator.

“Suguru is going to protect us all,” you tell yourself and them. High emotions have you sensitive to the cursed energies of others, so that’s why you can feel him so viscerally. It’s scary. You’ve never felt rage like this before—from you or him. It’s the same for you, but you can’t sit here and stew in this. These girls come first now. “Take my hands,” you instruct them as you hold your hands out. “Don’t let go.”

The makeshift prison is, thankfully, on the edge of the village. It wouldn’t be good to parade through the streets. Locking these children up was a collective decision. The faster you can get the fuck out, the better. If you can make it through the woods, to the main road, you can get a signal there, you think. No. No, you’ll just ride the manta ray. You’ll explain everything as soon as you get to Sensei.

“You’re safe now. You don’t have to be scared anymore.” You didn’t realize you were rambling, unconsciously trying to distract them from their fear with your chatter. “There’s a school. Full of people just like us. You’ll get to meet them. There’s my best friend, Shoko. She’ll make you feel better. Her power is to heal. Better than any regular doctor. And there’s our best friend. His name is Satoru. He’s super strong. Just like Suguru. He loves Digimon. He’s got lots of plushies to share with you.”

All these emotions have you feel like you could crawl out of your skin. And Suguru still hasn’t said anything. He’s mechanical in his movements, staying at the back of your little group. As you guide the group, you can pinpoint the opening of rifts, sense the cursed spirits that crawl out. Good. Yes. More protection. Who knows how those monsters are acting right now. They could be rallying the village.

“We’re going to make sure you’re taken care of. You’ll never be in a place like that ever again. I swear, you’re going to be in a place that’s full of love and understanding. Not everyone is like those terrible, terrible people—”

The more protective of the two is the blonde, based solely off that she went with you first. Voice shaking, but trying so hard to be brave, she asks, “They’re not?”

“They are.”

There’s this…snap. So brutal a turn that it hits you like whiplash.

Around you, there is such a sudden stillness that it feels like the very world has its breath held. There’s no veil. But nature senses a storm on the horizon. The eeriness of it is like ice slithering down your spine. You’ve unknowingly come to a stop, slowly turning around to face Suguru. Over his shoulder, a wider rift is opening, and as you stare into the inky darkness, many glowing eyes stare back.

The ground shakes when the Grade 1 clumbers out of the rift. It has to be the one from earlier. The foliage and trees growing on its back are distinct. Along with those eyes. And fangs so long and big that they stick out of the spirit’s mouth. It looms tall, but it doesn’t make you feel near as small as Suguru is right now.

“There are good people,” you protest quietly.

“There are good sorcerers,” he corrects just as lowly. “And where do they end up? In the ground.” Carefully, you nudge the girls further behind you before you step away. This is not a conversation that they need to hear. “When will it be our turn?” Close enough, you see the desperation in his eyes. “How long before it’s your body on a slab?”

“Death is a part of life.” Your fingers seek his out, threading together, trying to comfort him. “And we decided to risk that death coming earlier than everyone else when we left home. We chose to put our lives on the line.”

“But who are we doing this for?!” Suguru yanks his hands away, stretching his arms out, gesturing toward everything. “Animals like these?!”

“There are more good people in this world than bad.”

“If that’s the case, why do curses exist?”

“Suguru, that’s just how things are. It’s the way nature made us.”

“No. Nature made sorcerers better. They made us stronger. Why do we have to put our lives on the line like this for stinking monkeys that keep throwing their shit at us? We hide ourselves away from them, working in the shadows, always being so careful to not disturb their peace of mind, and for what? Is it so they can lock little girls in cages because they’re too scared of the unknown? Or so they can beat me like my fucking father did or constantly belittle and demean you like your parents did all for the sin of not being what they call normal? We don’t deserve this!”

“I know we don’t. No one does.” How can you explain this to him? You understand what he’s saying. Down in your bones, you know where this resentment is coming from. “But while there exists extreme cruelty, there also exists overwhelming kindness. It can’t be all bad. We found happiness, didn’t we?”

“We found it with sorcerers. If we lived in a world where no non-sorcerer existed, there wouldn’t be all this pain!”

“But…that world doesn’t exist. It can’t.”

“Why not?”

You give a sharp, hysterical laugh. “Because you’d have to kill every non-sorcerer living, that’s why. That’s not possible.”

He tilts his head, almost condescending when he sneers, “It’s not?” The cursed spirit behind him gives a rumbling growl, reminding you of its presence, of its threat. Your already racing heart pounds faster as you comprehend his meaning. Surely, he doesn’t mean…

“Suguru, let’s go home,” you plead.

“No.” No? “There is no home for me now. We’ll never be safe or happy until this world is clean. I understand what my true path is now. I know what I need to do now…and I’ll kill anyone that gets in my way.”

The precipice that your world has been standing on the edge of for the last year finally tilts.

Suguru won’t hurt me.

Right now, you’re the only person that can stand close enough to drag him back from the edge. I’ll kill anyone that gets in my way, he threatens, and right now, you believe that. But not me, you know. Therefore, it must be you that saves him. Because he’s falling. He’s going somewhere that you won’t be able to follow. You’re going to lose him. This would be rebirth and this would be death.

Suguru won’t hurt me.

Cursed spirits seem to explode out of him. Too many to count. You know them all. The blossoming promise of an army that the higher-ups were always afraid he could weaponize.

Suguru won’t hurt me.

That Grade 1 shifts. Its maw, hungry for blood, opens wide. It raises an arm, claws sharp and poised at the ready. You know that when it moves, it’s over. The other spirits will follow. This Grade 1 is an extension of Suguru. This is his rage, his loneliness, his agony.

Suguru won’t hurt me.

Eyes, cold and hard as the amethyst they so resemble, stare dead ahead with steel-like resolve. Slowly, he starts to turn his back on you. You have to stop him. You have to keep talking to him. And you reach out a hand to grab at his bicep. Your mouth is in the shape of his mouth. You think…you think that you might say something that sounds like stop.

Suguru won’t hurt me.

Just as your body instinctually knows that you don’t need to pacify his spirits, that he won’t hurt you…his body knows not to hurt you, either…

Suguru won’t hurt me.

…right?

Suguru won’t—

Blood colors your vision. Pain doesn’t even register in your brain. One second, you’re upright, and in the next, the ground is rising up to meet you. Even the resounding thud that your body gives as it slams down does triggers nothing. Sprawled out in the lush green grass, it only really feels numb to you.

No, all your erratic thoughts can seem to focus on is how disgusting this feels. Wet, sticky heat is quickly soaking your white shirt, weighing it down against your skin, making you feel trapped. You might be gasping for air that you can’t seem to get enough of.

Suguru…hurt…

Thoughts are getting scattered in your brain now. The world narrows in, black hedging in at the corner of your vision. You want it off. The shirt. The blood. You stupidly reach a hand up to wipe away the blood. Gore is all you find. Open gaping wounds that start at the crook of your neck and go…you don’t know how far down. You don’t have the strength left to follow the path.

Suguru…hurt…

Oh. There is he above you now. Thank goodness, you think when you see the panic so clear on his face. Emotion…there’s all those emotions that’d been missing. Nothing cold anymore. Thank goodness. His mouth moves. Says your name, maybe. You can’t hear him. You can’t feel it when he presses his hands somewhere on your body, either. Putting pressure on it must not be working. There’s a lot of blood dripping from his hands when he scrambles to pull out his cell phone. Ah. Yeah, your vision is starting to blur. You give up trying to read his lips.

It's a pretty night, all things considered. For as much as you two hated it, it’s beautiful in the countryside. Easier to see the moon and stars. You always tried to reject that reality. After you left for Tokyo, you thought that was it, that you left that all behind for good, that you wouldn’t die in the backwoods.

Guess you were wrong about that.

[genderqueerdykes]

How does identifying as non human work if it sounds like the reasonings are due to symptoms like dissociation and feelings of uncomfortableness with their own body, like that could be explained by other things like even autism.. so what makes it different than those symptoms?

hello there! good question! it's because we do NOT need to medicalize or pathologize every single mental experience! it's really not a good idea to chalk uncommon experiences up to mental illness or neurodivergence inherently because this leaves out and hurts people who aren't experiencing those things at all

not all nonhumans feel uncomfortable in their bodies! nonhumanity is not the same as body dysmorphia/dysphoria. many nonhumans don't have any of those symptoms at all. nonhumanity isn't dissociating! you're identifying as something else, not disconnecting from yourself or your physical body. you're not inherently dissociating when you say that you identify something else other than human. if trans people aren't inherently dissociating, neither are nonhumans.

nonhumanity is also not inherently a delusion or due to autism or anything like that. it CAN be, but they're not the same thing in every single case. it's not good to jump to trying to pathologize strangers because they think about themselves in a "different" way. also, not everything needs an explanation. sometimes people identify the way they do because they just do. it's not inherently tied to mental illness or neurodivergence

people really just are this diverse. it says absolutely nothing about someone's mental state just because they're nonhuman. yes, many nonhumans are psychotic, dissociative, or autistic! these people should not be left out- i'm one of them. but as someone who is delusional, dissociative and autistic, my nonhumanity doesn't stem from any of these things. i had been telling my mom i was nonhuman since i was under 10 years old! i genuinely believed it and still do. it's how i see myself, not a product of my mental illness. though it's okay if other people's nonhumanity IS a product of their mental illness or neurodivergence. but that's just not how it manifested for me

hope this helps! take care. remember, it's really not good to assume things about the mental state of others based off of a few snippets of information. people are very diverse and identify the way they do for a variety of reasons. it's better to accept new experiences than to try to pathologize them. thanks for stopping by!

[wolfisblank]

Interesting thing about the results so far:

Autistic people and allistic people seem to have very similar opinions. When one option goes up for autistics, the other similar option goes up for allistics.

At first it was looking like autistic people had stronger opinions, which I expected, but over time that hypothesis seems to have been disproved. Like, Dislike, and Don't Know/Care have almost exactly the same percentage of difference across autistics and allistics.

Conducting very important scientific research

[lilith-vodkaaunt-of-demons]

So recently I've been rewatching Danny Phantom, and I still retain that it's a pretty great show kid's super hero show, the fights, the characters, the (not so) witty banter, the whole schtick is good imo, but there's one thing I didn't notice when I was a young girl that I'm noticing now for the first time, and that's how hard they lean into the "Bumbling, Idiot Father" trope, and how utterly contradictory it is to the actual characterization they have for Jack Fenton.

Man constantly invents new, operational, and effective Anti-Ghost technology on the regular, but the show treats him like he can't add 2+2. Yes, Maddie is OBVIOUSLY the Smarter of the two, but I really wish they'd forgone the "Idiot Father" trope to go along with something like what they did in The Owl House, with Amity's dad.

Like, it doesn't have to be 1-to-1, there are other zany "Scientist turned Parent" archetypes that aren't Heavily-implied-to-be-Autistic-and-X-is-their-Special-Interest. You could lean more into Mad Scientist, or Special Talent, or something, but it's just really jarring for Jack to be treated like an incompetent, bumbling fool one scene, then the next seen he's surprising Maddie with a new, operational, and actually effective gadget she's never seen before (like the Fenton Spector Deflector) when in the scene before, he's shown to be a complete and utter idiot that, despite being a Ghost Obsessed Ghost Hunter, couldn't even tell the person who delivered his mail was a ghost.

I want to see a Jack Fenton who doesn't listen to social graces because Ghosts don't care about manners, so why should he? I wanna see a Jack Fenton who doesn't want to deal with Mr. Lancer because it takes time away from his inventing and/or investigation Ghosts, not because he's somehow a Scientist that's also an Anti-Intellectual. I want to see a Jack Fenton that cares about Danny's education, in-so-far as it pertains to Ghosts and Ghost Hunting Activities.

I WANT A JACK FENTON THAT FITS THE GHOST OBSESSED GHOST HUNTER THAT HE IS, WHILE ALSO ALIGNING WITH THE SCIENTIST HE IS!