#yes i do procrastinate when it comes to reading books

[bellzsad]

i really wanna read the maze runner books now after watching the movies, but i have so many unread books on my shelf. plus i have to do an intensive reading log every quarter for school so i don’t think i’ll be able to fulfill this item on my bucket list for quite some time.

[princesssmars]

winter wonders.

some abby anderson thoughts tied to holly jolly!

wc : 2.342

contains : fluff. wlw relationship. some nsfw i mean its me. oral sex r!receiving. mentions of past abby and owen. college hockey abby and skier reader again.

a/n : this scenario has infested my brain i wont move on! and its embarrassing how i started this in febuary but its december again soooo a+ procrastination?

palestine : tlou2 + palestine , how to help <3 enjoy!

abby is such a lover girl and she shows it constantly. i showed it in the full fic but one of the sweetest ways she shows affection is feeding people and taking care of their wellbeing.

text her that you're exhausted after class? she's making a quick meal and giving you cuddles on the couch. if anything is bothering you she is doing whatever she can to make it better.

and as much as abs loveees to take care of you, to the point where you think it's ingrained into her very being, she also loves to be babied and taken care of! the first time you sew her a stocking for christmas when you were snowed in at the dorms she cried for an hour.

i just know she loves it when you're physically affectionate as well. she finds it so charming and silly how when she tries to press a sloppy kiss to your cheek in a cafe you'll jerk back like you've been burned, not wanting to be seen as a sap, but behind closed doors you're alll over her.

pressing gentle kisses to her fingertips when you're both reading before bed. gently massaging her thighs after she went too hard at practice or in the rink. once you two had been invited to a movie night with the crew, and after she volunteered to make the popcorn she came into the living room to see no spots left. she was prepared to take her spot on the floor, but you had gotten one of the three couches to yourself because of your own leg injury on the slopes. before she could even crouch you tugged her over to you, her waist between your legs as you held her from behind. jordan was probably calling her whipped for how she melted into you, eyes fluttering as you brushed your fingers through her hair. she didn't really care. for now.

feel like she tries so hard to maintain good communication in all of her relationships. she's had friendships crack and break because of rumors and miscommunication and she wants to keep everyone she's close to around for a long time. she tells you once she learned it because of family therapy she did when her dad adopted her siblings yara and lev, who you sadly missed during your shared thanksgiving. you think it's adorable how she shows so much love for her family, constantly talking in her family group chat and sharing stories about her day with her little sister and brother.

didn't delve too much into it but being abby's new years eve kiss... she takes it very seriously. if you have to use the bathroom you better hold it because she is gonna bring in this new chapter of her life and she wants you to be there as long and as closely as you can be <3333

and you just know she is so so so good on valentines. yes she does get your flowers delivered while you're out and about during class or at your part-time. probably has a corny little card attached saying 'snow secret ice crazy about you'. almost so cute it makes you want to vomit. in a cute way!

if you want to go all out? say no more. she is booking you an entire day of romantic activities and spoiling you to your heart's content. but all i can imagine is having a nice and intimate dinner in a cozy little restaurant. cuddled up inside the booth as she admires you like you're an angel that's come into her life.

get her some chocolate-covered strawberries and she will swoon. but get both of you custom engraved bracelets with your initials? you aren't leaving the house for a week. have fun.

so not being original here but i def feel like abby is studying medicine. maybe not neuroscience like her dad, her hands aren't the best after so many hits and falls on the ice. but i love the headcanon of her going into the subfields of muscles or sports medicine. maybe even pediatrics because we all know she'd be the best with kids. she wants to pursue hockey full time, but she won't let it get in the way of her academics.

speaking of kids...

abby always says she's known since your first date she was gonna marry you. you would always roll your eyes and tell her to shush with a barely contained smile, but you both know a part of her isn't joking. there aren't words i can think of to say how in love she is with you, someone so similar but so different that she gets excited just at the thought of growing older together with.

she doesn't think there will ever be a dull day when she sees you. she'd take every mood swing, every petty fight, and every bit of insecurity if it meant she could just wake up and see you every morning. but she knows it's early, you're both still young and haven't ever started your careers yet. on your birthday, after taking you to a beautifully planned surprise party, she stands you in front of your mirror and presents you with your gift. its a necklace, simple yet intricate with two interloping hearts. you don't say anything, and she doesn't say anything, but your hearts swell and she hugs you tightly from behind.

once she makes sure you're okay with holiday activities trust she will keep the two of you busy all of december. she runs over her and mannys christmas decorations like a soldier, trust she will be up to date on any new trending decor items that pop up in the nearest hobby lobby or home goods store. she would absolutely love to go to a winter market and buy some gifts for her family and friends, picking up and admiring any little vintage trinket she can find.

and i just now she’s a christmas movie fanatic. dedicates a whole weekend in december for the two of you (or the whole group!) to get some hot chocolate, bundle up under the covers and watch holiday themed movies until you can’t take it anymore.

(feel like she’d be such a traditionalist about it though. it takes a heap of convincing from you and manny to let her put die hard in the movie rotation.)

but abby can be such a chill (haha) person. when you first met her you thought she was a cocky piece of shit, but over time she showed you how understanding and calm she could be. she doesn't like getting angry at people during the day, preferring to let out her anger during hockey games. but trust if someone is being a dick to one of her friends or you, she will put them in their place.

after

she is really good at ice skating. which sounds silly because duh, she plays hockey. but one day you watch a youtube video about figure skaters switching places with hockey players and you ask her to see if she could do some of the moves. she's a big girl but also insanely quick, and when she does a lutz on the first try you're more than shocked.

but also not! because abby is nothing but persistent. which is why when she asked you to teach her how to ski you thought any higher power up there was laughing at and testing you. at that point it had been months since you restarted your training with your father. it was hard, balancing your life with working out and spending hours every week practicing on the local fake slopes, but it was thrilling to be doing it because you wanted to do it. and thankfully your injury was basically gone.

(although sometimes you would fake like it was paining you so abby would set you on the bed and massage and take care of you. but who wouldn't do that?)

but when abby asked you to teach her you were nervous. not because you doubt your ability, hell no, just the opposite. nora had come along to one of your sessions, and when a young fan came up to you to ask for tips, all a tired and overworked you could say was "just be good at it." ever since she had teased you, throwing the worst joke you'd ever heard and saying you were going to turn into your dad. you didn’t talk to her for four days after that.

but you decide to give your girlfriend a chance. you warn her ahead of time that because of your dads teaching style growing up, you wouldn’t be too perceptive, and her size might make her momentum gain too quickly. but again, your girl was nothing if not persistent, listening to your words and placing a kiss on your cheek with an “i got this.”

she did not. she did at first, easing down the short slope with the caution of a giant baby deer, and doing a victory pump the first time she made it down the bunny slope while nearly tripping. things were good!

until jordan, sweet, stupid jordan made some bet that abby couldn’t ski down the intermediate slope for a video to send to her teammates. and like a moth to a flame, she got up the slope as fast as she could and tried her very best, before falling on her face halfway through. she wasn’t too badly hurt, laughing at the way you fussed over the small cut on her cheek.

this wasn’t the first time you witnessed some of abby's athletic determination. you wouldn't lie and say it hadn't afflicted you sometimes, able to recall the multiple times you and your girlfriend had made bets about who could do the most reps in the gym or run up the stairs quicker. it was all sunshine and rainbows until one misplaced pencil on some stairs led to you tripping into her and the both of you landing in a heap of limbs at the bottom of the stairs. you are more than glad that no one else was in the hall at that time.

not to say her over-achieving nature was all bad. there were definitely quite a few times that her aggressive behavior on the ice when her teammates showed premature defeat for an opposing team made you a little hot and bothered in your seat, eyes tracked on her body as she pushed past opponents like a bullet train.

and it is more than helpful in bed. one weekend you’d returned to your own apartment in a shitty mood from classes and skiing problems, ready to just eat some junk and rest in bed for two days straight. but of course, as soon as you texted your plans to your girlfriend she was over at your place in not even fifteen minutes. she had plenty of snacks and your favorite sweatshirt of hers to wear. but she could tell after a while into watching a movie you were still in a pissy mood, so she decided to help you relax in another way.

unfortunately, your sour mood was too strong as you’d yet to reach your peak after twenty minutes with abby in between your legs. it really was a shame, she looked so pretty when she was concentrated down there. you gently push at her forehead and lament that it’s no use, you're somehow too aggravated to have an orgasm.

your palm gently pushes at her forehead until she’s hovering over your cunt, a slight tingle running up your body when you see her blissed-out face and slick-covered mouth.

“abs, it’s just not gonna happen tonight. I'm way too stressed out.”

her eyes scan your face before her brows do that thing - the furrow she does when she gets an idea in her head that she just has to see through.

“just let me try for a little while longer, okay baby?”

and god, you couldn't say no to her when she looked like that and you were so pent up. you give her a small nod and watch as she rushes off the bed to the bottom of your bedstand to grab an old vibrator deep in one of the drawers.

“how’d you know where i hid that?” your voice is breathless as you watch her resettle back between your legs, turning on the vibe with a small smile on her face.

“because i know you. besides, need to know where to get things in case of emergency.”

you were going to laugh but then she’s immediately attaching the vibrator to your clit at the highest setting, a strong hand holding down your hips that buck up into the sensation and gripping your waist when you try to run from it.

let's just say when the night ends you are officially destressed.

uhhh back to. winter!

really think she’s in her element during this season. she’s in the huddle of her hockey season, gets to wear all of her favorite sweatshirts and hoodies and take long walks through the city as the snow ghosts over her face.

and just like i said earlier once she realizes you’re okay with the festive stuff? get ready for winter-themed dates.

one of your new favorite memories with her is definitely sitting on a plush blanket on the floor near her balcony door, the gentle downpour of snow a backdrop to your mini picnic date as you make s’mores and treats with an electric tabletop and share stories and kisses with wine-stained lips <3

abrupt ending but im trying to finish off things just lying in my drafts lolll uhh happy holidays yippee!

[buckyshoneybunny]

Friendsgiving

College!Quarterback!Bucky Barnes + Curvy!College!Reader 

Summery- You and Bucky explore your new relationship while you and the gang celebrate Thanksgiving. 

W.C.- 4221 

Warnings- Smut, oral (fem), fingering, unprotected sex 

A/N- I am so so sorry this is late. I’ve been stressed and I didn’t know how I wanted to do this. But I keep it sweet with no drama, for now anyway, the next one will have lots of drama lol. I do hope you enjoy this. Home For Christmas will be long since it’s going to have a lot in it. But that one and the one for new years might be late and I apologize in advance for that. Anyway enjoy and see you next time my loves! (The picture of the kitchen is mine) (not proofread)

Taglist-  @calwitch @winterslove1917 @hi172826

Masterlist           Series Masterlist   

“He’s doing it again,” Sam snickers. 

“Doing what?” Steve hums. 

“Looking at her with those love sick puppy eyes.”  

Steve looks up from where he was fiddling with the lights for the back patio to see you and Bucky cuddled on the couch. Bucky had a small smile on his face as he watched you ramble on about this new book you were reading.  

“Give him a break, he’s happy.” Steve set the lights back in the box. Since you and Bucky had started dating the guys had been coming over more often, spending the nights too. You didn’t mind though; you had the room and if anything, it felt nice to have a full house. It made it feel more like home in a way.  

Sam looks back over to you and Bucky. He smirks, knowing damn good and well Bucky has no idea what you’re saying. He's too captivated by the way you look and the joy on your face to pay attention to the plot of your book. 

You and Bucky had been together almost two weeks now, when you had told the others they seemed happy and relieved. No more tip toeing around and no more arguing.  

You had laughed as a grumpy Steve handed $20 to a very happy Sam. Bucky grumbled and smacked Sam’s arm. Steve had bet Bucky would be the one to confess while Sam bet you would be the one to break first. 

Now even though you haven’t been together long, you were enjoying seeing this new side of Bucky. You were learning new things about him and seeing the side of him he didn’t even show Steve.  

You found out his favorite books were The Hobbit and Lord of The Rings. He loved to watch older movies; he was a big nerd when it came to anything space or scientific related. And what surprised you the most was he knew the answer to just about every history question you could think of. 

Bucky was also learning new things about you. How you procrastinated until the last second and somehow whatever you were working on always came out amazing. How good you were at drawing; how creative your mind was when it came to writing stories. He just about fell out of his chair when you told him you knew how to change the oil and tires on a car. 

You both were taking it one step at a time, exploring the unfamiliar grounds of this new relationship.  

Steve and Sam walk over and join you on the couch. Steve sits next to you while Sam sits next to him. 

“You know he has absolutely no idea what you’re saying, right?” Sam chuckles. Steve elbows him. 

“Yes, he does, right Bucky? Bucky?” You wave a hand in front of his face. “James,” you sigh. 

Bucky blinks his eyes, refocusing them. “Hmm?” 

“Seriously Bucky?” You scoff a laugh. 

“I’m sorry, princess. You're just so cute when you’re excited,” he smiles.  

You blush and hide your face while Steve and Nat coo. Sam and Yelena make gagging faces, those two like two peas in a pod.  

“Since Thanksgiving is in a couple of days shouldn’t we go food shopping tomorrow?” Steve asks. 

“Me and you can go after we get back from the fall festival tomorrow,” you answer. 

“Fall festival?” Sam asks, disinterest clear in his voice. 

“Yeah,” Natasha nods. “We’re going to the Barton farm; they’re having a fall festival.” 

“I thought we already went to a festival there?” Sam groans. 

“We did, but that was for Halloween. They have three festivals every year, one for Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas.”  

“Well, have fun, cause I’m sitting this out.”  

“You’re going,” Yelena says sternly. 

“No, I’m not.” 

“Yes, you are.” 

“No.” 

“Yes.” 

“No.” 

“Please?” Yelena sticks her bottom lip out in a pout and gives him her puppy eyes. 

“Fine,” Sam grumbles. He rolls his eyes when everyone laughs. It had been Yelena’s idea to go, there was a certain someone she wanted to see.  

A little while later you and Bucky lay in your bed rewatching a show you’ve seen a thousand times on your computer. You were just starting to doze off when he speaks up. 

“You didn’t go to the Halloween festival,” he says softly. His bushy eyebrows set in a frown.  

“What?” You yawn, blinking your eyes repeatedly and doing your best to keep them open.  

“The Halloween festival, you didn’t go.” Bucky closes the laptop and sets it on the nightstand.  

“No, I didn’t,” you sigh and snuggle into Bucky’s side. That same stuffed dog squished between you both. 

“Why? Was it because of me?” He whispers.  

You let out a small laugh. “No, I didn’t feel good that night, nor did I want to get dragged to the haunted house. I hate scary things.” 

“Oh, okay.” Bucky pulls you impossibly closer. “Goodnight princess,” he kisses your forehead.  

“Goodnight Bucky.”  

The next morning the six of you get ready for the festival. You and Bucky are the last ones to be ready, Bucky having gotten a little handsy while you were in the shower together.  

You wore snug blue jeans that hugged your thighs and ass. A silk tank top-one that accented your curves and made Bucky’s mouth water-under a long-sleeved shirt. You then stole one of Bucky’s jackets to wear, claiming it would keep you warmer, it went down to about mid-thigh on you. Bucky helped you put your boots on and laced them. You slid on some gloves while Bucky wrapped a scarf around your neck and slid beanie on your head.  

Though you were covered up, Bucky’s mouth still watered at the sight of you. He didn’t understand how someone could look so adorable yet sexy at the same time. 

Bucky, Steve, and Sam all wore jeans, a long-sleeved shirt, and jackets. You practically had to force Bucky to wear gloves and a hat. And while he looked like a three-course meal you’d never understand how he could wear so little layers in this freezing weather. Some people just don’t get cold.  

Steve, Natasha, and Yelena took Steve’s car while you, Bucky, and Sam took Bucky’s car. Once you got there you pulled Natasha aside. 

“You know you’re gonna have to help her, right?” You say quietly, watching Yelena fix her outfit. 

“Don’t worry, babes. I’ve already got a plan,” Natasha smirks. You can see the sparkle of mischief in her eyes. 

You arch a brow. “And what kind of plan would that be?” 

“All you need to know is by the end of the day, Kate and Lena will be a couple.” You laugh and shake your head. 

Natasha links her arm with Yelena’s and drags her off in the direction of the face painting station, the one Kate Bishop was currently working. Sam tags along, eager to see what mischief plan Nat has.  

You and Bucky walk hand in hand through the festival, Steve on the other side of you. The three of you making your way to where they keep their homemade goodies.  

“If Nat’s plan goes well, Sam will be the only single person left in the group,” You wonder aloud.  

“Hmph,” Bucky hums. He couldn’t care less.  

“We should set him up,” You suggest.  

“You know, Sam has had his eye on someone for a while now,” Steve speaks up. 

“Who?” You ask a little to excitingly.  

Steve chuckles. “Lila Taylor? Lina Taylor, something like that.” 

“Leila Taylor?”  

“Yeah that.”  

“Wait, isn’t she on the college’s reporter team?”  

Steve nods. “Yeah, she also supports a lot of activist movements and stuff.” 

“Oh cool,” You smile. “I’ll circle back with the girls to come up with a plan and then coordinate with you.”  

“Hold up,” Bucky interjects. “You really think it’s a good idea to go snooping around in Sam’s love life?” 

“Hey! It’s not snooping,” You argue. “It’s more like giving him a little nudge in the right direction.” 

“Well, whatever it is, I want nothing to do with it. Cause if this blows up, it won’t be pretty.” You just roll your eyes.  

You and Steve pick out some jams and spices to use in Thanksgiving dinner before heading off to the face painting booth. There's not much of a line so you wait, looking for Nat, Yelena, Sam, and Kate. When it’s you guys’ turn, you walk up to see Cassie Lang running the station.  

“Hey Cassie,” You smile. “Where’s Kate and Lena?” 

She points behind her. “Back behind the station.” 

“Good for them,” You laugh. You get a bunny painted on your face, Bucky gets a cat, and Steve gets a dog.  

You thank Cassie and Steve heads off to find Nat and Sam, telling you to meet up at the hayride line. Bucky keeps his arm around your shoulders as you walk. You relax and lean into him, letting him guide you. 

It almost doesn’t feel real, being here with him. It's almost like a dream come true; one you never knew you had. You cherish the feeling of being in his arms, the comfort and warmth it brings.  

You, Bucky, Sam, Steve, and Nat meet up by the hayrides. Even Yelena and Kate tag along too. While you wait you make small talk and get to know Kate a bit. You learn that she’s mastered in archery and is taking an engineer course. You could see Yelena relax a little when she seen how well Kate got along with everyone. 

During the hayride, Bucky’s gaze kept drifting back to you. His heart fluttered as he watched you, the way your eyes shine in the sunlight. How your nose scrunched just like his when you laugh and smile. 

He wrapped his arm around you and pulled you closer. He buried his nose in your hair, closing his eyes as your peach scented shampoo filled his nose.  

From the moment he met you, something told him you were different. That feeling was just pushed back and blinded by a false sense of hate. One thing he knew for sure, even if this was just the start of the relationship, was that something was different.  

None of his previous relationships had ever felt this, what’s the word? Special. He just wishes you and him would have come to terms sooner. But later is better than never.  

You guys spend most of the rest of the day doing various activities. Just laughing and having fun, spending time with one another. A lot of people argue over what family is, whether it’s being blood related. Or just knowing someone for a long time, always being there for them and having their back.  

Whichever it may be, you knew this was the family that you would ever need. And while your heart does ache for the family you grew up with, you’d never felt more loved than you do with this family. Right here, right now.  

Before it got too late you guys called it quits. You and Steve headed to the store while the others headed home. You giggled at the sad puppy eyes Yelena had when she had to say goodbye to Kate.  

You and Steve browse the aisles, grabbing ingredients and checking them off the list. You're almost done when you pass the area they keep the turkeys, except, they’re out.  

“Crap, Y/n,” Steve sighs. He looks at the empty display that was once filled with Turkeys of all sizes. “What are we going to do?” 

You grin. “You know how they say women are smarter than men?” You snicker. 

“Yeah, but what does that have to do with the fact we won’t have a turkey for thanksgiving?” 

“Me and Nat picked one up last week, Steve,” you laugh.  

“Oh” 

“Oh!” You gasp. “So, I have a request to make,” you bite your lip. 

“What’s that?” 

“So, you’re cooking the turkey this year, right?” Steve nods and you continue. “Well, I was wondering if maybe we could smoke the turkey on the grill?” 

Steve pauses, considering the idea. “That actually doesn’t sound too bad,” he hums. 

“Right? I mean, any other dish we cook on the grill tastes amazing, so why not try it with the turkey?” 

“Yeah,” he nods. “I think that’s a good idea. So that’s what we’ll do then.”  

Once you have everything, you pay and pile everything in the trunk of the car and head home. Sam and Bucky help bring the groceries inside when you get home, you and Nat put them away.  

Since everyone was tired from the fun filled day and no one wanting to cook and clean the already prepped kitchen. You guys just decided to order some pizza. The TV is playing some cooking show, one that was actually decent.  

Sam and Yelena sat on the floor between the coffee table and couch, munching on the pizza. You and Bucky sat on one end of the couch, squeezed together under one blanket. Steve and Nat sat at the other end, hogging the bigger blanket.  

“So, what all are we having tomorrow?” Sam asks around a mouth full of pizza. Natasha nudges Sam’s shoulder with her foot, playfully scolding him about not talking with a mouth full of food.  

“Well, we’re gonna have turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, Nat will make her mac & cheese,” you list the dishes out. “Probably some corn too.” 

“What about homemade bread?” Yelena asks. 

“Absolutely,” you smile. 

“You make homemade bread?” Bucky asks, surprised. You nod. “Since when?” 

“Since I was like, 15 or 16?” You shrug. He hums and pulls you closer. 

“Oh, by the way, I invited Kate to come over after. If that’s okay?” Yelena says. 

You nod. “That’s fine, I invited Wanda.” 

“I invited Clint, too,” Nat adds.  

You, Bucky, Steve, and Nat head to bed early since you have to get an early start on cooking tomorrow. 

The alarm on your phone goes off at five in the morning, jolting you awake. Bucky groans and shuts the alarm off, tightening his arms around your waist. 

“I gotta get up, baby,” you whisper. You card your fingers through his hair. 

He buries his face in your neck. “No,” he mumbles, voice muffled.  

You smile softly. “Yes.” When he doesn’t let you go, you pinch his shoulder.  

Bucky grumbles and let's go. “You’re mean,” he pouts. 

You press a quick kiss to his lips. “Here,” you hand him your stuffed dog. “Fido will keep you company.” Bucky smacks the dog away, making you gasp. 

“How dare you!” You pick him up and coddle him to your chest. “It’s okay, I got you.” You kiss its head. 

Bucky rolls his eyes. “Are you really talking to a stuffed animal?” He asks in that deep, sexy morning voice of his.  

You hug the dog closer to your chest. “Don’t listen to him, he’s a big meanie,” you mumble against its fur. Bucky raises a brow. “You up set him, now you have to give him a kiss.” 

“I’m not kissing a stuffed animal, Y/n,” he huffs. 

“What’s that? He has to give you cuddles?” Bucky shakes his head. “Now, James,” you say, trying and failing to sound stern. 

He rolls his eyes again but takes the stuffed dog. He cuddles the dog and gives it a kiss. “Happy now?” You can see the hint of a smile on his face. You nod.  

You quickly use the bathroom, brush your teeth and pull your hair back. You quietly head back to your bedroom to grab your phone and meds. You have to cover your mouth with your head to keep from laughing. 

Bucky had already fallen back to sleep, but he was holding you stuff dog like it was his lifeline. You figured he’d chuck it once you left, but he didn’t. You snap a picture and head downstairs. You see Steve in the kitchen and a lump under a blanket on the couch. Sam.  

“Morning Steve,” you say quietly.  

“Morning Y/n,” he whispers with a smile. 

“Look at this,” you giggle. You show Steve the picture of Bucky to which he laughs. You hear Sam grumble something about being quiet. 

“You should have gone to bed sooner,” you snicker. Sam stuck his arm out from under the blanket, flipping you off.  

You get started on the bread while Steve fires up the grill. You both work in harmony to get things started and prepped.  

Around 8, Sam decided to give up on trying to sleep in. He made himself a bowl of cereal and plopped on the couch to watch some cartoons. By 8:30, Bucky had sauntered down the stairs and immediately plastered himself to your back. 

“Morning princess,” he mumbles into your neck. He presses a kiss there.  

“Morning Bucky,” you smile.  

After about five minutes of him hanging on you, you make him get off. He pouts but lets you go, grabbing a bowl of cereal and joining Sam on the couch to watch cartoons.  

By 9, Nat and Yelena had come down. Yelena joining the boys and Nat helping out in the kitchen. At 11, you and Nat force the three stooges to get ready and clean up. Slowly but surely, you, Nat, and Steve get ready.  

Bucky and Yelena keep up on dishes, so you aren’t running the dishwasher ten different times today. Bucky washes them while Yelena dries and puts them away. You and Yelena set the table, Bucky and Sam had cleaned up the living room by then. And finally, by 1, the table was being filled with food.  

Steve had cooked the turkey and while that was cooking, he did the gravy, mashed potatoes, and stuffing. Nat cooked her homemade mac & cheese and some corn. You had cooked the homemade rolls that, in Sam’s words, were to die for. You had also made some fudge and a pumpkin pie.  

Finally, once everyone sat down, Steve and Nat on one side, you and Bucky on the other, Sam at one end, Yelena at the other. The wine was poured and Steve said grace. Steve cut the turkey and everyone filled up their plates with food.  

While you ate, Bucky rested his hand on your thigh. After a while it started to slide up, his pinky toying with the hem of the long-sleeved dress you wore. He didn’t move it much more than that, just wanting to tease you.  

By the time everyone finished, Kate, Wanda, and Clint had shown up. They were just in time for dessert. You and Kate had fudge while everyone else had pie. After a little more pie and wine, everyone moved to the living room to hang out, leaving you and Steve to clean up the mess.  

You put the food away and loaded the first load of dishes in the dishwasher. Steve threw napkins and various things away, sweeping the crumbs up and taking the trash out. Steve went to join the others while you finished wiping the counters.  

When you finished you headed to the living room, pausing in the archway. Steve and Nat were cuddled on the couch under a blanket, watching a Christmas movie. Clint, Kate, and Wanda were playing some board game. Yelena and Sam were building a Castle out of Legos.  

You smiled. This was your family. This was your home.  

Your smile widened when you felt two arms wrap around your waist. 

“Hey,” you say, your voice soft.  

“You did a good job on the bread and pie,” Bucky says. He starts to kiss your neck. You tilt your head and relax against him.  

“Thanks,” you bite your lip. “Since everyone is preoccupied, what do you wanna do?”  

He hums and slides his hands to your waist, spinning you around. “I think I want some dessert.” You can hear the lust in his voice.  

“Didn’t you already have dessert?” You giggle, knowing full well that’s not what he’s talking about.  

“Not that kind of dessert princess, this one’s more...sweet.” He runs his nose up your neck to nibble on your ear.  

“I don’t know, that pie was pretty sweet.” 

He huffs and tosses you over his shoulder, making you giggle. You playfully grope his ass as he walks, he really did have a nice ass. He kicks your bedroom door shut with his foot and tosses you on the bed.  

Bucky kneels on the bed between your thighs, pushing the loose skirt of you dress up around your waist. He spreads your legs and rips your panties, growl coming from him when he sees you’re already wet. 

“You have got to stop ripping my panties! I’m gonna run out soon.” Your laugh turns into a gasp when he runs his thumb over your clit.  

“Sorry princess,” he mumbles absentmindedly, eyes focused on your pussy.  

“No, you’re not.” 

“No, I’m not,” he agrees with a smirk. He leans down, laying on his stomach between your legs, kissing and nipping the sensitive skin of your inner thigh.  

He makes his way up one thigh before switching to the other, causing you to huff. He presses one last kiss to your thigh before hovering his lips over your pussy. He blows on your pussy, causing you to shudder. He chuckles and runs his tongue through your folds up to your clit. 

You gasp and thread your fingers through his hair. He eats you out like a man starved, like this is his first meal in days. He sucks on your clit, making your hips buck. He throws his metal arm over your hips to keep them still. 

He runs his tongue down to your slit, sucking up your juices. He starts to fuck you with his tongue, he thrusts it in and out. His two-day old stubble rubs against the skin around your pussy, making you close your thighs around his head. 

He brings two fingers to your entrance, thrusting them in and curling them in that way that has you seeing stars. He adds a third one, fucking you with his fingers, his mouth back to sucking on your clit.  

He moans against your pussy, the vibrations running through you and bringing you that much closer to the edge. Your fingers tighten in his hair. With one last curl of his fingers, you cum, moaning his name. 

He helps you ride it out, lapping up your juices. He gives your clit one last kiss before sitting up. He pulls your dress over your head and throws it behind him, he flings your bra in the same direction.  

He pulls his shirt over his head and you run your hands over his abs. You don’t think you’d ever get tired of seeing this man naked. Once his pants are off, he covers you with his body, lips latching onto one of your nipples, his metal hand squeezing and pinching the other one. 

You reach down and grab his cock, stroking him a couple of times and making his hips buck. You run his tip through your folds and line him up.  

“Ready princess?” He pants. You nod. 

He slowly pushes in, burying himself all the way in with one thrust. He laces his fingers with yours and pins your hands above your head. You wrap your legs around his waist.  

When you give him the okay, he pulls out and thrusts back in, starting a slow pace. He buries his face in your neck, sucking and biting, leaving his mark on you. 

His pace starts to pick up, your moans and whimpers like music to his ears. Soon enough he’s pounding you into the bed. Skin slapping against skin fills the room, the air smelling of sex. You bite your lip to keep from moaning too loud, knowing your friends are still right downstairs. 

“Let them hear,” he pants into your neck. “Let them hear I good I can fuck you.” he angles his hips to hit that special spot, making you cry out. “There you go,” he grins. 

Each thrust hits that spot, bringing you closer and closer. The patch of hair above his cock rubs against your clit, adding to your pleasure. Bucky can feel you squeezing him, he knows your close.  

“Come on, princess, cum for me. Be a good girl and cum.” That all you need, the band in your stomach snapping and stars blurring your vision. Your back arches and you moan his name, probably a little too loud.  

Bucky fucks you through it before his thrust grow sloppy and he’s cumming inside you with a groan of your name on his lips.  

He collapses on top of you, panting and still feeling the after effects of his orgasm. You rub his back and run your fingers through his hair as you both catch your breath. He makes a contented sound and nuzzles his face into your chest. 

After a few moments of silence his phone vibrates on the nightstand, indicating a text message. 

He carefully pulls out and rolls over to grab his phone. He makes a ‘hmm’ sound before setting it down and pulling you back into his arms, spooning you from behind, ready for a nap. 

“Who was that?” You ask softly. 

“My mom,” he mumbles into your hair. 

“Oh..is everything okay?” 

“She wants us to come home for Christmas.” 

[chosos-mascara]

all my love, suguru

chapter 5

summary: after an unexpected night spent with your close friend, you find yourself pregnant, and unable to tell him so. will you be able to come to terms with this news, or will it destroy the delicate relationship you’d had left?

chapter warnings: mentions of declining mental health (suguru), general angst, secret pregnancy/child

masterlist

⋆₊⋆⋆₊⋆⋆₊⋆⋆₊⋆⋆₊⋆

30 months before

"I have something I wanted to talk to you about." You're watching him at his desk as you walk into his classroom, closing the door meekly behind you. The sickness coupled with this anxiety is overwhelming; exhausting. You're roughly ten weeks along, your first scan recently booked for two weeks time, all while Suguru is none the wiser to your current condition.

He's grading papers from a recent mock exam, and it's apparent he's much more interested in the stacks before him than you as his eyes barely rise, the red marker still between his fingers. You sigh. "Suguru, did you hear me?" He looks up from the reports, bags dark beneath his eyes. You pause in your actions as you mull over his expression. "Are you okay?" There's that concern you had for him that night, back again. You wonder if he realises that, too. Or perhaps you were only procrastinating by creating some sort of conversation, though it's better to open with something like this, isn't it?

"Sorry, what's up?" Suguru acts casual, but he can't deny that your visit is just adding to the mounds of stress he feels in this moment. He doesn't have the energy to pour into conversation, he can barely read these student's scrawny handwriting. "I was wondering if we could talk?" You begin to walk closer with some hesitance, stopping at his desk. He looks up at you, and finally puts that pen down.

"What about?" He's nervous. "Well, I just..." You trail off, your chest heavy. Your hands are shaking, even with one placed over the other. They're clammy, and god, you feel so sick. "That night, when we..." Again, you're not able to finish your sentence, instead averting your gaze to the wall and swallowing. "Listen," Suguru stands, and when you look back to him, you frown. "I don't think we should pursue anything." 

You stand in silence for a few moments; he's completely missed the mark. Raising your hands, you shake your head, trying to gesture to him that this wasn't what you'd intended, but it's lost on him when he continues.

"It was a misjudgement, I didn't consider how this could impact our lives, and for that I apologise." You stare wide eyed. You couldn't tell him how yes, this really has impacted your life, because you realise now how wrong this would go. This truly was a secret you'd have to bring to the grave, because you're sure he'd never speak to you again either way.

"You're right, I'm sorry." It's weak, and all you manage to push out.

Suguru feels reams of guilt when he watches your head bow, hearing quiet, defeated words from your lips. He's lying to himself if he truly believes this is for the best, because no one makes him feel quite how you do.

He replays that memory most nights, wondering if he should have given you a chance - he didn't even let you get a word out before he was pushing you away. He spent years wishing he'd done something different, wondering if anything would change if only he'd had opportunity to speak to you again.

He thinks of that memory when he's walking to Yaga's office, opening the door to be met with you.

Suguru thinks he's finally lost it, because why, after two and a half years would you be here, sitting at Yaga's desk like you'd never really left? His hands are brought upward to rub into his eyes, and he blinks once, twice, squeezing them closed before finally focusing back upon your seated frame. You're definitely there, you're definitely real. 

Suguru hadn't even noticed the child sat to your left until moments later, a small doll between her hands, her hair worn in a short ponytail. He doesn't linger over her presence for long though, because he's drawn back to you.

The door had clicked open moments ago and you had prepared yourself for Suguru's berating, though seconds tick by, and no words come. You're still sat in silence beside your daughter and opposite your old boss after a minute's pass, still an empty seat at your right. You know he's shocked by his hesitance to enter, but the suspense is only twisting the knife embedded into you upon his entry. In this limbo, you're left to ruminate on every doubt that had grown over the past few years, on every bad decision you've made leading up to now. 

Finally, after a minute or so of deliberating, Suguru decides to discern the reason for this meeting, and uses his curiosity as encouragement to come and sit in that empty chair.

You've no alleviation from his stare even when he's seated. He's taking you in, the new you, the mature you, still contemplating his sanity as he wonders if you're just a fragment of his madness. There's still an internal struggle while he wonders why you're here, and what this could possibly have to do with him. Suguru does manage to voice a few words through his turmoil, ever downplaying his mental state with his relaxed tone. 

"I thought you left jujutsu society?" 

His voice still feels like honey in your ears, his presence beside you causing your skin to prickle with cold, goosebumps breaking the surface. Eyes that had been glued to Yaga's desk finally lift, and you turn your head to face him after all of this time. Brown eyes greet you, purple bags weighing the skin down. The glint of hope that Suguru could forgive you begins to ebb, your lips tightening. 

"I did." Your answer rings true, at least. Your eyes falter when you can't take his gaze any longer, instead averting to sit at his lips, then shoulders. He looks the same as always, but his aura feels different. There's sombreness to him now, and you blame yourself for leaving. 

"Should we begin?" Yaga clears his throat uncomfortably, and you're reminded of his presence. You nod with deep reluctance, removing your sight from the man that still holds a place in your heart. "Geto," Yaga begins, and you focus on your breaths. This is it, it's really happening. "You're being assigned a special case; a new student." He gestures toward your Keiko, and Suguru leans forward so he can look past you, his emotionless expression interrupted by disgust. 

"She's a toddler?" His disapproval is thick. "Yaga, are you insane?" Suguru remembers the last person assigned to his care, and her untimely death. This was no world for a child, it was barely a world for him, either. Everyone seems to get on with their lives after witnessing tragedies, and he still doesn't understand how. He has never been left unscathed by the things he's seen, but he's sure to handle those massacres better than a child who would stand at his knee's height. 

Yaga peers to you behind his glasses, and you can feel the luxury of your silence ending. 

"She's at risk if she doesn't learn to harness her cursed energy." You speak, praying for his compliance. "I don't want her to get hurt, Suguru." 

Suguru stares at your expression, looking up, and down as he processes your words among the many racing thoughts he houses. Who was this child to you, why would you care? But after all these years he's brewed upon his actions, paired with the fact he can stare into you and see nothing but kindness and care, his objection merges into something else. 

He doesn't speak, but he doesn't have to, because you've already seen it on his face. He'll help. 

"Thank you." Your words of gratitude are genuine, and they're spoken to him with care. It feels a bit like you're the only two people in the room, studying the other with a sense of longing. He swallows back the old feelings that are trying to push through, and turns to face Yaga once more.

Throughout this meeting Suguru glances to that girl, a question pushing the back of his mind. Who was she to you?

Keiko's in bed when he knocks. At first, you're spooked by the sound and your cursed energy is focused into your fist, though looking through the peephole eases your fears. Your flame dissipates, and you open, not sure what to expect from your night-time visitor.

"What're you doing here?" There's a small dip in your voice. "It's late." You try and mask your unease, though he's able to read you like a book.

"That evening, before you left - what were you going to tell me?" 

When you look closer you realise Suguru's hair is loose, strays floating out from his bun, a redness at his ears from where he'd been toying with the lobes. It doesn't take you long to realise what he's referencing, and you open the door wider. You have to accept your fate, that it's now, or never. "Come, take a seat." 

Those are words Suguru didn't want to hear. Since your meeting, he's been asking himself the same question, who is this child? And why should Suguru of all people be summoned to teach her, when he's sure Satoru would've not only volunteered himself, but been better at the job in every way? 

Then he thought about her hair colour, and how he didn't get to catch her face. The timelines, the fact she's staying with you - the pregnancy test. He kicks himself for not questioning you at the time, and for dwelling over these surely disconnected details, until he thought to that afternoon, when he shut you down with haste. He thought about your body language, and how stupid he was to assume that's what you were going to suggest, how self centred he'd been the entire time. 

He sits down quickly with his heart feeling about to leap out of his mouth, a warmth coddling his ears. 

"A few weeks after we slept together, I realised I was late." You start from the beginning as you stand opposite him. You can't look at his face, arms crossed, you stare at his feet. "I wanted to tell you that evening, but you made it clear you didn't want anything else, and I got cold feet." 

His anxiety fades, morphing into a feeling he can't quite place his finger on. It might be that in this moment, Suguru can truly say he's experiencing heartbreak, and the repercussions of his own actions. If he'd have just checked up on you, things would've gone so differently.  "I have a child?" He speaks slowly, unsure of himself. It doesn't feel like it's sinking in, those words don't feel as if they are describing his own life.

"She's yours." Your confirmation sends prickles over his skin. Your things are still mostly in boxes, though there's a photo you've already set out beside the TV, one that you pick up and hand to him. It's you and Keiko, taken on her 2nd birthday. You'd had to celebrate alone, but you decorate anyway, a big '2' balloon within the background. She's smiling, her baby teeth showing while cuddled into your side. It'd taken a while to get a good photo with her, standing your phone on the couch and using the timer function, though after a few you had come out with this one. It was perfect. 

Suguru holds the frame between his fingers, looking at the little girl beside you. She looked a lot like him, the same eyes, the same shade of hair, but she housed your smile. Tears clouded his vision as he wonders how he's missed out on two years with someone he should've been there for, he's missed so much already. 

"Why did you come here?" Suguru asks, a warmth rolling over his cheek.  "She inherited your technique." You swallow. "A few weeks ago, we came into contact with a curse, but before I was able to exercise it, she ingested it, just like you. A few days after that, she was witnessed by a grade three, and we were called upon by the higher-ups." 

"I never wanted this for her, Suguru. I just wanted to watch her grow through normal means - I know it was a lot to wish for, but she's my baby. I can't bare to picture her dead in some ditch after they rinse her of everything she has." 

"I'll refuse to teach her." He's desperate through his tears, mind racing. "Then they'll just find someone else. There's really no point, unless you're really adverse."

"Why couldn't you have just told me?" He talks as if his words are sapping his lifeforce, and you only watch as he slumps forward, heartbroken and confused. That guilty feeling has hit a new high. "Same reason you shut me out after that night - I was scared, and decided it was better to leave than to face what we did." It's wrong to defend your actions, they should be unforgivable. But, Suguru doesn't seem to put much energy into his disgust with you, because he's just too upset. "I've missed out on two years of my child's life, that's not the same." His hands shake, whether it's rage or distress, he can't tell.

"I'm so sorry." You bow your head, ashamed. "I was so scared, please forgive me." Suguru looks up at you, a heavy breath on his lips. It's not as if you hadn't tried to tell him; he'd practically shunned you. It wasn't fair to give you all the blame, even if it would save his sanity. "Do you wanna meet her?"

"Keiko, baby." She's clutching a small bear against her chest when she walks through the door, rubbing her eyes. The small girl's brown hair is a little messy, and she's still in a pair of cutesy pink pyjamas. "I want you to meet someone." You voice to her slowly while holding her little hand, your heart racing. There's no textbook answer when it comes to difficult parenting decisions, and uncomfortable situations. How do you tell a two year old they have a father in which they've never met?

Suguru's reluctant to look at the doorway when he hears you two coming through. This is the biggest moment of his life, meeting his child, his heartrate reflects this in it's unforgiving pace, his breaths leaving him before he's ready to breathe back in. He'll have to count down, he thinks, to force himself to look at his kin - there's no way he can surely meet her eye otherwise. Five seconds and he'll look, four now. Three, and he's sweating, shaking at two, swallowing harshly before he counts one, eyes forced from their spot over the floorboards to flicker up at the little girl standing at her mother's side.

God, it feels like nothing on this planet has ever mattered to Suguru, because in those brown eyes, there's so much innocence. He can feel his heart melt as he recognises so much of himself in her, his DNA, used to build such a perfect daughter with the cutest version of his character. Her huge, wide eyes, cute roundish nose - but her lips are all you. 

This child is a part of him he didn't know existed, a jigsaw piece melded to fit right within his chest. There's some kind of primal urge to protect her at all costs, to hold her closely, which is why Suguru finds himself at his knees with open arms in search of her comfort, to have his forbearing body embraced by his entire world. A child he'd never known is suddenly the key to his happiness, because she is everything he isn't.

"Hi." He wants to say more, yet a million words couldn't describe how he feels. Suguru can't decide on what to say, so instead settles with that small greeting. She smiles at him nonetheless, and you watch as his eyes soften, a smile over his lips.  "Hello." Her voice is small, much like her stature, and she's still sleepy. Suguru puts a hand over her shoulder, and you find yourself overcome with a grin you can't hide. Despite your anxieties, you know Suguru will love her as much as you do.

"Remember I told you about your daddy? This is him." You're gentle, and you're not sure she'll understand entirely, only seeing that family dynamic on films and tv shows. You'd told her a few times she has a daddy, though she's never seemed all too interested beyond that confirmation. Though she stares at him wide eyed, a smile growing over her cheeks. 

"Daddy!" She repeats, and Suguru has to stop himself from breaking apart at that name. When he'd felt hopeless, weak and depressive, so many times he wondered if his existence would ever improve. Whether he'll be anything more than a sorcerer for jujutsu society to rinse, toss into battle and bury when things grew too difficult. He's grown to be Satoru's friend and not much more.

But with this child before him, he sees some form of light. There's a reason for him to keep going, because he doesn't want his girl to feel anything he's endured. He looks to you for the first time since laying his eyes on her, to your watery eyes, and his heart feels disgustingly full. This is what he's been missing out on. 

a/n: sooo this is it. i hope it met your expectations, honestly i really wanted to put more into this ending and i feel i could've done better, but life has been such a whirlwind as of late. i think this is the last post i'll make before finding myself on a hiatus, so think of this fic as a semi-good-bye. thank you so much for all of the love i have received, it truly means the world!

tags-

 @hojoslutoru  @itztamar @magey0412 @strflp  @kaeyakaikai @animeisforkings @emikisses @boredwithwrath @karazorel7 @tomiokasecretlover @mrsoharaa @magey0412 @thisbicc @aemiliabruno @zenys @sukunaspillow @caixgee @ssetsuka @pinkpunkdynamite @harlamarie @cephei-ea @dazailover1900

[everyonewooeverywhere]

MDNI 18+ BLOG -> ageless blogs and minors WILL BE BLOCKED

pairing ✭ bf!vernon x f!reader

synopsis ✭ when you come home from a less-than-perfect day, your boyfriend is nowhere to be found, but you don't want to call him and ask him to come home while he's out with friends. even though he'd drop everything if he knew you were struggling.

content/genre ✭ smut 18+ MDNI, established relationship, non-idol!au, hurt to comfort, relatively fluffy

word count ✭ 2.5k

notes ✭ hey hi! this is just a reworking of "minor nuisance." when i originally wrote it i was between writing it for jongho or hansol, so i figured i'd rework it for hansol ☺️

i said this in the original, but i'll say it here too. the mc in this is heavily based on my experiences with adhd. so this is a little personal but it was very therapeutic to write at the time.

✭ ✭ ✭

It was a terrible day. One of the worst you’d had in a while. Nothing seemed to be going your way. You’d ripped your favorite pair of tights this morning when getting ready in a hurry after waking up super late. You’d locked yourself out of the apartment. The seven dollar coffee you’d bought for yourself to cope with aforementioned events had spilt all over your desk, ruining the book you had just received as a gift from a coworker. And, to top it all off, your boss had demanded you to stay late to finish what was supposed to be his job.

So when you finally made it back to your apartment, after waiting in the lobby forever waiting for your landlord to let you in, you wanted nothing more than to collapse on the couch with your boyfriend and fall asleep in his arms. 

You were plagued with fatigue as you slipped out of your work shoes and made your way through the kitchen and into the living room, not finding him anywhere. The bedroom the two of you shared was also completely vacant. Nothing had changed since you’d left this morning. He hadn’t been home all day.

Maybe he’s just working late, you thought, slightly defeated knowing you’d have to wait for him, not knowing how long it would take. 

Trying to take your mind off of it, you scrolled on your phone for a completely indiscernible amount of time, feeling completely defeated with the day you’d had. Moving in with Hansol months ago has been an incredibly helpful step for you. Before the two of you had lived together, you were a master of procrastinating your own feelings. Constantly letting yourself rot away in your bed and letting the day pass you by. Only to be plagued by that crushing guilt that came with letting a day go by unproductively. Living with Hansol had given you someone to hold you accountable. To pull you out of bed because sometimes it was impossible to do it on your own.

But on nights like these, where your boyfriend was nowhere to be found, which was not a common occurrence, you felt yourself slipping back into the endless cycle of losing yourself in your phone for countless hours. 

Hours passed and the sun was almost completely down before you received a text from your boyfriend.

| hannie 💗: hey love, sorry i had to stay late for work today. i’m gonna go get some drinks with my coworkers.

| hannie 💗: that ok?

God, you felt so helpless. How horrible and controlling of a partner would you be to tell him ‘no?’ Did he ask? Yes, but you desperately didn’t want to be the girl who always needed to be by her boyfriend’s side. Telling him he couldn’t go out with his friends would make you feel like such a nuisance. You stared at the screen for a good two minutes, biting your thumb, trying to think of how to respond.

| hannie 💗: y/n? 

| hannie 💗: i can see you read the message. is everything alright?

Before you could even draft a response, his name flashed across the screen. Taking a deep breath, you slid your thumb across the screen, answering the call.

“Hi,” you picked up.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” You could hear some of his coworkers in the background. He must already be at the bar. 

You held in a sigh, “Nothing, I’m alright. Why?”

“Y/n, you read and didn’t respond to my message. Like you were overthinking a response."

You didn’t say anything. Overthinking yet another response.

“Love, I don’t even want to be here that badly. If you need me to come home, I will. But you’ve gotta tell me.” He was being so patient with you. So much more patient than you thought you deserved, though he would certainly disagree with that.

You took a deep breath, nearing tears, “I–” this was so incredibly hard, “Can you please come home? I didn’t really have a great day.”

“Of course, I’ll be there in about thirty minutes. Do you want me to stay on the phone?”

“No, it’s alright. I just need to see you.”

“Ok, just hang in there alright. Why don’t you hop in the shower, and we can watch a movie when I get back. I’ll pick up some takeout on my way, too.”

When you hang up, you force yourself to get out of bed and get in the shower. It’s so rewarding and feels so relaxing that you can’t imagine why you ever couldn’t get out of the bed in the first place. But, of course, you say that every time. 

✭✭✭✭

By the time you had gotten out of the shower and dried your hair, Hansol had made it home with the takeout he’d promised in hand. 

When you left your bedroom, you saw him sitting on the floor in your living room. He’d lit a candle on the coffee table and set the food down with it. You could tell he’d changed out of his work clothes into a hoodie and basketball shorts, mirroring your almost identical outfit. He didn’t notice you at first. He was chatting to someone on the phone, seemingly a friendly conversation, and not one you wanted to interrupt. When he saw you, though, you heard him say goodbye to whoever was on the line. 

Throwing his phone down on the couch, he got up from the floor and met you at the door of your bedroom. Pulling you into a big hug, he placed a kiss on the top of your head. 

“No pressure, but, if you wanna talk about your day, we can.”

You shook your head, “Not really. I just wanna eat, I think.”

The two of you ate, sitting in comfortable silence on the floor in your living room. You noticed as you took in the scene around you, that Hansol had turned off all the overhead lights in the room. Leaving only the candlelight and the string lights around the ceiling to illuminate the room. There was something about warm lighting that made everything feel so much more cozy and comfortable. 

Your boyfriend wasn’t the most physically affectionate individual, but he never failed to make you feel loved. He always noticed the small things. He was hyper aware of your emotions in the least patronizing way possible. It was little moments like bringing home food for you and turning the cool-toned overhead lights off that reminded you that this man knew you better than anyone.

And that wasn’t something that happened overnight. He tried harder than anyone you’d ever met to know you. Your likes, dislikes, discomforts, phobias, and even your little habits. He knew it all. What he knew most is that you desired so bad to have someone to pull you out of your slump. Which is why he had come home early.

“I’m sorry you couldn’t stay out with your friends,” you whispered, staying focused on the food in front of you.

“I didn’t come home because I felt any obligation to. It’s not that I couldn’t stay out with my friends. It’s that you needed me here at home, and I wanted to come home and comfort you.” He ran a hand over your hair as he finished up his own food. 

That was another thing you loved about him. He wasn’t saying this because he wanted to make you feel better. He wanted you to know that you were not alone. That you were free to feel your feelings, and he’d always be right beside you to comfort you through them.

“Thank you,” you looked up at him, “I love you, you know that, right?”

“How could I ever forget? I love you, too.”

✭✭✭✭

After the food was gone and the coffee table was cleared, Hansol had put on a movie laid down on the couch, holding out his arms for you. When you finally sat between his legs and leaned into his chest, he pulled a quilted blanket over the two of you, wrapping his arms around you.

You paid very little mind to the movie playing on the TV. Instead you were focused on the rhythm of his breathing, the steady beating of his heart, and the minor movements his chest would make when he let out a soft laugh whatever he was watching.

He played with your hair, running his fingers through the strands, softly brushing his fingers over your neck with each pass. This position couldn’t have been more comfortable. Being with the man you loved as he comforted you in the way he knew best with absolutely no complaint was more than you could’ve ever dreamed of.

Hansol would claim that it was the bare minimum, but you always felt the need to let him know how much he really amazed you. 

When you reached your hand up to his cheek to brush your thumb over the skin, he looked down at you, completely forgetting about the movie playing. He grabbed your hand from his cheek and kissed your fingers, your palm, the back of your hand, the inside of your wrist.

Pulling yourself up to his face, you kissed him as softly as he’d done to your hand. Everything was so soft. From the way he kissed you to the way he caressed the skin under your hoodie right above the waistband of your shorts. From the hand you had in his hair to the way he lifted you to sit more comfortably in his lap.

He kissed your neck just as softly. You sighed contently. Fully basking in the way he took care of you. His movie was fully disregarded at this point as he gripped the bottom of your shirt.

Looking into your eyes he asked, “can I take care of you, love?” You nodded, helping him lift the sweatshirt over your head. 

Before you could even comprehend the nakedness of your chest, he lifted you into his arms and carried you to your shared bed. Laying you on your back. Your bare skin taking immense comfort in the softness of your sheet. He pulled his shirt over his head and threw his pants off to the side.

He immediately went back to kissing you. Hands moving from your cheeks, down your neck. His thumbs caressed your collarbone as his lips brushed the crook of your neck and then your shoulder. You shuddered when one of his hands took your breast. His lips met the other one, causing you to let out a breathy moan and weave your fingers through his dark hair.

He continued to kiss and touch every inch of your torso. When he got to your waistband, he left a small kiss under your belly button. His big brown eyes meeting your own as he pulled your shorts and underwear off together. Tossing them to the side of the bed. 

Lifting one of your legs onto his shoulder, he kissed your inner thigh, still meeting your eyes. The eye contact wasn’t broken until his thumb met your clit. Brushing over it slightly, making you toss your head back into the pillows under you. His mouth replaced his thumb, slowly teasing you. 

With his free hand, he took your own hand, the one that wasn’t gripping his hair, and threaded his fingers through yours. Thumb brushing over the back of your hand.

He felt so good. His tongue working so hard to make you feel pleasure. Everything was so gentle, but felt so euphoric. His fingers pumping in and out of you as he sucked on your clit. You felt like you could’ve floated away with the way he caressed your hand and your thigh. It wasn’t long before you were washed with a wave of pleasure. Everything was hot. You felt it rush through you from your ears down to your cunt. He kissed your thigh one more time after you came, fingers pushing you through the finale of your orgasm. 

Your breathing was ragged when he made it back up to your face, kissing you tenderly. Reaching a hand beneath the pillow under your head. He pulled out a condom. Before he could open it, you plucked it out of his hands, tearing it open as he stripped himself of his own underwear before you rolled the rubber onto his length. He groaned at the touch.

“You ready?” He asked, grabbing your arm and kissing your wrist.

You nodded, smiling, “yes. please, baby.”

When he pushed into you, you gasped and threw your head back again. He kissed your neck and shoulder, slowly thrusting into you. On most occasions, you’d beg him to go faster, but his subdued nature in this moment was so incredibly comforting. His thumb massaged your clit.

He kissed you deeply as he thrust into you. Completely overtaking your lips with his own. His kisses were so full of passion that your head spun. His adoration for you was so evident from the way he looked into your eyes when he stopped kissing you. Your foreheads pressed together, separated only by a thin layer of sweat. 

“I love you so much, y/n,” he says, just above a whisper. So close that you can feel his breath tickle your lips when he says it.

You moan softly, feeling yourself reach a second high, “I love you, too.”

It’s only a matter of minutes before you reach your orgasm. You grip his shoulders tight as he coaxes you through your climax. Walls fluttering around him as he finishes inside the condom. 

He kisses your lips once more before pulling out. He pushes himself off the bed to throw it away. When he comes back, he slides back into bed with you. Breath still slightly ragged. 

You laid on his chest, listening to his heart beat once more.

Running a hand over his stomach, you said, “Thanks for coming home early today.”

“Of course, love. You know I’d drop anything to come home to you if you were struggling.”

“I just feel like such a nuisance asking for you to come home,” you groaned.

He ran a hand over your hair, “I will never ever see you asking for help as a nuisance. Sometimes you just need a little push. Or sometimes you just need to lay in someone’s arms. I will always be there to do that for you. No matter the circumstance, ok?”

You wanted to protest, tell him he was too much, too good to you, but he kept going, “I trust you. I know that when you ask me to come home, it’s not because you're insecure or controlling. It’s because you need help, and I want you to always feel comfortable asking for it.”

He’d left you just a little bit speechless. All you could respond with was a gentle kiss on his lips.

For him, though, that was more than enough.

[the-tech-turn]

UNFINISHED

Summary: Crosshair finds Tech's old journal and reads through it.

Word Count: 1,136

Warnings: Angst, mentions of death, s2 spoiler

A/N: This takes place right after the ending of episode 4 s3. I AM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG FOR ME TO FINISH I PROCRASTINATED TO HARD! This was supposed to be my 50 follower celebration but now it's the 151 followers celebration! Now everyone say thank you to my bestie for peer pressuring me into finishing this and proof-reading this.

The moment Crosshair walked onto the ship after reuniting with his brothers he felt like something was off. He knew Tech was no longer with them but as he looked toward Hunter in the pilot's seat he knew it was wrong. That was Tech’s seat. Tech was supposed to fly. Tech was supposed to be there. Tech was supposed to be here. Yes, Crosshair may have reunited with his family but not all of them. Not his genius brother who would never stop talking. Oh, what he would give to hear his voice geek about different kinds of insects or Wookie culture. Crosshair gets up from his seat and walks into the barracks. He walked up to Tech’s bunk staring at all the projects that would never be finished. Gently, he moved the projects enough to sit but still kept them in relatively the same spot. He didn’t want to disturb Tech’s things. ‘He never let us near them anyways,’ he remembered. He threw his head back, a mere attempt at holding back his tears. He missed his brother. Then a thought came into his mind. A long time ago Crosshair had given him a notebook. A real paper notebook. Tech hasn't used it much since “ It is a precious gift that I do not intend to misuse.” He wondered if he ever had used it. He looks around his bunk seeing nothing. He looks under the bunk and in every place that he can think of to find the book. But he couldn’t. ‘Maybe he lost it or threw it away. Wow, Tech, really showing its “value”, he pauses. ‘ Or maybe…it was on Kamino.’ He didn’t like thinking about it much, but the day the city he was raised in drowned was the day he lost all of his memories as a cadet. He recalled the time he first gave Wrecker Lula. Or the time Hunter had come up with the name the “ The Bad Batch”. Or when he found Tech’s hiding place for his datapad. The memory reminded Crosshair of the hiding spot he and Tech used on the ship. Crosshair used it to store his toothpicks, but Tech used it to hide what he deemed valuable.

‘Maybe, just maybe, it was in there.’ Crosshair crawls across the bed stopping when he gets to the edge of the bed. He reaches over to the side of his bed and carefully pries open a panel. With his hand, he searches for the notebook in the dark box until he locates the small red booklet. He grabs the book and flips through it. ‘Yep, he definitely wrote in it,’ but as Crosshair continued to flip through pages he realized just how many pages were blank. Never to be written in. Never to be drawn on. He got up and sat on Tech’s bunk once more. He opened the book, analyzing the handwriting. He saw how the handwriting improved with every entry. While skimming the book one word caught his attention. “Race”. Omega has told him about the time they were bodyguards for someone named Cid and Tech was forced to race to keep everyone safe. “ What’s so important about a mission on some sketchy planet?” Crosshair wonders. There was only one way to find out so he started reading.

I had won the race (obviously) but to my surprise, the crowd cheered which is not uncommon at such events. I've heard their screams since I arrived. I also had full confidence in my ability, but hearing them chant my name with so much excitement, along with the praise from my siblings, I felt an overwhelming joy. All my life I had been made fun of, due to my enhancement. Mainly by regs, I have also endured endless teasing from my brother's thanks to my constant "rambling". It no longer bothered me much but it took a lot of self-reassurance to get to such a point. Little praise was given to me, the only source of which came from my brothers. No one else had a reason to provide that to me for it was my purpose. But now there are hundreds if not thousands of people admiring my skill. It felt nice, to say the least. 

Crosshair gave a soulful smile. ‘ He had been mocked all his life, and I participated in it,’ he admitted sorrowfully, ‘At least, he didn’t hold it against me.’ Crosshair lets out a sigh and flips to another page. Crosshair pauses, his name on the page. Hesitantly he begins reading, afraid of Tech’s true feelings towards him after everything. He could only hope his brother didn’t think poorly of him.

Omega asked me why I didn't care about Echo leaving us and while I think I responded appropriately the interaction got me thinking about Crosshair again. I’ve tried to forget, but that plan was flawed. How was I supposed to ignore him if I didn’t want to? I eventually came to accept his decision but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. In all honesty, I miss the times when we’d cause trouble in the mess hall. I miss when we’d compete in who shot more droids. I miss the moments when I work on a project and he’d sit next to me and clean his rifle. I miss when we would be up at the latest hours when I would ramble about anything and everything while he’d try his best to stay awake. He enjoyed sleeping a lot so it was difficult for him, but I appreciate what he did. I miss when things were simpler- no that is incorrect. I do not miss fighting for the republic. Back then we had to risk our lives, we were mistreated, we didn’t have Omega and we couldn’t choose for ourselves. I miss Crosshair. But I don’t think I’ll see him again. But, if there's one thing certain about Crosshair is his loyalty. That was evident when he stayed with the Empire. It never falters but it can shift when the loyalty isn’t mutual. I believe that is why he left us. When we denied the Empire he felt that we denied him. I do not regret leaving the Empire but I do regret not taking Crosshair with us. I find myself replaying recordings of him when I am in need comfort. It’s the closest thing that I have to him with me.

Tears threatened to fall from his eyes. He should’ve come back sooner. If he had his brother would still be here. Crosshair looked around the room and studied it. He sees Tech’s projects, equations, and blueprints. All are things that Tech never got to finish. Looking down towards the journal, Crosshair decided to complete writing on the book. So it didn’t have to remain unfinished. 

EXTRA: Here's some old art I made when first promoting this fic.

[strawbqq]

HI THIS IS JUDY ON HER MAIN ACCOUNT I have to request for tecchou (and jouno too idk if you allow multiple characters 😭)

If you have ever read 'conversations with friends', it's about "tortured poets" meeting one another and bonding over it. But I was hoping for headcanons or a scene where the reader sorta "connects" with the hunting dogs over their line of work in this way? Like "I am you and you are me"

Maybe the reader is in the government but another org, idk take it however you want

If you haven't read the book/seen the show I sooooo recommend it btw it's so good 🥹

a/n: yesyes ty for requesting.ᐟ.ᐟfinally done after many many days of procrastination *ahem . I didn't read the book so im sorry if this isn't what u wanted 😭😭 enjoy.ᐟ.ᐟ

―⟡𝘽𝙎𝘿 𝙢𝙚𝙣 𝙥𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙤𝙣𝙞𝙘 𝙝𝙘𝙨 + 𝙨𝙘𝙚𝙣𝙖𝙧𝙞𝙤

[Warnings: nothing.ᐟ✰] [Word count: 536 || 𝓮𝓷𝓳𝓸𝔂.ᐟ]🍓

°ᡣ𐭩ft. tecchou, jouno

sfw. hcs

𝕋𝕖𝕔𝕔𝕙𝕠𝕦

to cross paths with tecchou is a opportunity hard to come by even though u both work for the government

you first encountered each other during a joint mission

u don't really notice him until you see him eating beef w/ chocolate i see jouno yelling his head off in the corner

you're so professional and cool that tecchou is very intrigued by you 😔

tbh for u two to connect ur the one who's gonna have to initiate the convo

u see him in action during the mission and wow 🤩 olala

after the mission, u accidentally bump into tecchou in places u wouldn't expect (maybe he was always there, you just never noticed)

it's casual at first, just a quick 'oh, its you.ᐟ.ᐟ' but then a conversation starts, and u both realize yall have a lot in common

u both love nature walks/photography idk if this is accurate BUT BUT we did see him observing ants for 8 hours sooo

after a mission or a busy week u run into each other again in a park or near a scenic area

the casual setting gives u two a chance to interact outside of work, which naturally leads to a conversation.ᐟ.ᐟ

it's a relaxing, low-pressure environment for getting to know each other better\,,after a while u two are almost like friends rather than work associates.ᐟ.ᐟ

tecchou as a friend is so calming tbh

generally lets u do all the talking before saying something totally unrelated in the middle of a rant

altogether a very steady, reliable person

in the end u two are still divided by the invisible line that separates him, a hunting dog, from you, a regular government agent

but by now he's already lots closer to u than anyone else outside work, & he'll do his best to be a loyal & dependable friend 🥰

just like, never let him cook if u know u know

𝕁𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕠

you're sent to deliver important documents from your organization to the Hunting Dogs' HQ

it's a routine assignment, but when u arrive, alarms go off for some reason 😔

before u can explain yourself, jouno appears out of thin air using his ability and scares the shit out of you

well, he cant do no nothing bc he knows ur telling the truth

ngl, for u to feel connected to this guy, u must be one heck of a simp

u *might get on agreeable terms w/ him after a while, though, if you say you also hate tecchou

you're called back for multiple deliveries throughout the month

jouno, against all odds, actually remembers u.ᐟ.ᐟ wow

just talk to him and try not to be annoyed by his rants :)

challenge him (respectfully) he's gonna cheat

jouno as your friend tho???

100% blunt honesty, you're probably gonna get mad 9 times out of 10

probably knows u better than u know yourself after a while

absolutely doesn't let u get a word in, rants the whole time about tecchou or anything that annoyed him

u can never tell if he's joking or not

one of these days he's gonna go, 'why u smell like...blueberry and wet dog—'

yes please smack him for me

a/n: again im so sorry if this isn't what u wanted judy, im so proud that u requested 😭 BUT YAY FINALLY DONE HAHAHA (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ ty to everyone who read this, have a good day.ᐟ.ᐟ

𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓷𝓴 𝔂𝓸𝓾.ᐟ ʚ🍓ɞ ʀᴇʙʟᴏɢs + ʟɪᴋᴇs ʜɪɢʜʟʏ ᴀᴘᴘʀᴇᴄɪᴀᴛᴇᴅ

o(��▽≦)o

[daenysx]

could you do a drabble where reader is trying to study but aemond is distracting them? I long for needy attention seeking adorable aemond rn 😂

new crumbs from ewan made writing this really easy!! i just missed seeing aemond so much, thank you for this request!

send me your requests for drabbles

a kiss on your shoulder.

another kiss on the top of your head.

just when aemond leans in to kiss your other shoulder, you turn your face to him and his lips find your bottom lip with an instinctual movement.

"you really should let me study. what will happen if i fail my exam, hmm? do you think you can handle my tears?" you say, teasing him with a smile.

"i can handle your everything." he says, his lips press on your neck this time. "come on, take a break."

you exhale, pointing the papers in front of you. "aemond, i can't. i have to finish these by tomorrow morning to catch up with the schedule."

he looks defeated, hands in the air as if he surrenders. "fine. i'm just gonna stay on bed. you know, in case you'd like to give your poor boyfriend some attention."

you chuckle, he gives you smile. you know how he cares about your studies, he'd never do anything to interrupt them. aemond just misses you. for the past week he has only seen you in the mornings and in the middle of the night when you bury your tired body in his arms as you both fall asleep. this evening however, he came home from office earlier than usual only to find you at your table, studying.

he takes a few steps to go lay on the bed, grabs his book from his nightstand, and starts reading it. you turn to your papers but his presence makes you want to just give up and be with him. you look at his direction again. "okay, how about i just finish this one page when you're reading and then we can cuddle?"

he lifts his head, "sweetheart, you don't have to procrastinate your work for me. you know i was just teasing."

you nod, "yes, but i miss you. i can wake up earlier to finish the rest of it."

"i don't want you to lose sleep, you need to rest."

"i need you more." you smile. "just 5 minutes, wait for me."

he nods, knowing he can't convince you otherwise. he keeps reading with a smile on his face, lifts his head after finishing his page. you write something with quick fingers, your lip between your teeth, all determined to finish faster to be with him as soon as possible.

you drop the pen and leave your chair. you jump on bed, holding onto his waist as he keeps reading. "come on, take a break. your poor girlfriend needs some attention."

his smile reaches his ears and he leaves the book. you are on top of him, wrapped around his body like a koala instantly. he kisses you and it's as natural as breathing. his fingers wander on your body, settle down on your neck to hold you. he breaks the kiss when he feels you need a deep breath and he looks at your swollen lips with a proud expression.

"i missed you, aemond."

"i missed you more, sweet thing." he tucks your hair behind your ear. "missed you enough to beg for your attention."

you kiss his cheek. "you don't need to beg for my attention, you always have it. it was a busy week but it's nothing we can't handle."

"yes, sure, we're handling it. except that i've become a desperate man without seeing your face and turned aegon's life into hell. he can call you because of it, just ignore him."

your lips curl into a loving smile and you can't help it. you lean into him just to kiss him everywhere. his neck is first, his sharp jawline, his cheeks, the tip of his nose, the skin between his eyebrows, and his forehead. your fingers curl in his platinum blonde hair, angling his head by pulling it lightly just because you know how much he likes the feeling on his scalp. your face gets closer to his lips but you don't kiss him. not yet, not until he says something.

"you should know better than teasing me like this, pretty girl. what should i offer you to kiss me, hmm?"

you hum, happy with the words he chooses. "how about a massage? yeah, i think i can do with that."

"kiss me, and i'll give you a massage for as long as you want. my pretty baby, just kiss me."

[valorascult]

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐃𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐒𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐒𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐈𝐦𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 / 𝐒𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐞 (𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝)

**disclaimer**

I am not against self improvement. Wanting to be the best version of yourself is your birthright. There are a lot of helpful books, ‘gurus’, articles, practices, etc; that are beneficial & have valuable information to share.

That being said, lets move forward.

Many start their ‘self improvement journey’ when they are at their lowest because that’s when you are most aware that something is ‘wrong’ - making you more vulnerable / susceptible to deception & addiction.

It usually starts by reading a book, watching a yt video, etc;. You watch / read one and then continue to consume more, because ‘maybe the next one will finally get me to where i need to be’ - not understanding that this is just another form of entertainment and procrastination.

There is satisfaction after immediately reading a self help book. You have a quick rush of ‘I’ve accomplished something’ (dopamine) - giving you the illusion of progress until you get stuck inside a cycle and realize, nothing has changed.

Sitting behind a screen is not the self improvement you think it is. Is there good knowledge shared? Yes, of course, but the real self improvement starts by actually DOING. Living life will give you more answers than binging content.

Action Faking - ‘the practice of confusing being 'busy' with making actual progress towards an intended goal and often involves a lot of over-analysing and planning, but very little meaningful action.’

Listening to someone talk about their own lives & share their own improvement stories is not going to help YOU. Gurus try to fit everyone into a mold when self improvement is not a ‘one size fits all’ & when something doesn’t work for someone after its worked for others, they usually see themselves as a ‘failure’ so they move onto the next thing that doesn’t fit them & this becomes a pattern, soon they start to build levels of guilt and shame.

Before consuming anything, you should know the specific problem you want to solve, if not, you are coming into something without a strong foundation, soon, you will start to believe there are 500 other things wrong. Don’t get sucked into a black hole.

Also, understand that many other these therapists, psychologists, content creators, etc; all thrive off of people who are at their lowest. It’s important to know when someone really wants to help vs when someone keeps wanting you to come back. The industry is worth billions.

Many have been accustomed to pacifying the silence. Always picking up the phone, turning the tv on, listening to music when there is downtime, instead of tapping into our bodies - their thoughts and feeling have now become distorted & influenced by ‘the noise’.

Fake positivity instead of facing reality is an issue within itself. These ‘positive’ messages / posts about encouragement and ‘never giving up’ convinces you that it’s ‘wrong’ to changes paths / passions in life & you then see yourself as a failure instead of a soul, growing.

With all of that being said, remove yourself from artificial motivation & start doing. I have nothing against self improvement, but I do have an issue with the addictive side of it that seems to only profit a select few.

xoxo,

valora

[aphroditestearsofjoy]

🌸 𝐆𝐮𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐚 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐡𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐲𝐥𝐞

I've been active in the self-care community for a little bit and read lots of books about lifestyle. There is already a lot of lovely advice on this app, but there are some important aspects I haven't seen and some aspects I don't think are as important. I hope this helps some people to accomplish their dream lifestyle!  But in all honesty, I do mainly write this as a list and reminder for myself. This is going to take quite some time to read, but I promise you, it will be worth it. 

Before you read everything, I want to remind you that this is a long list of healthy habits. That does not mean you need to follow everything to be "that" version of ourselves, we need to be realistic. It's kind of like vegetables. Vegetables are healthy, and you should eat them, but you don't need to eat all the vegetables that exist in order to be healthy. You eat the vegetables that you like and align with your lifestyle. So follow the tips that you like and align with your lifestyle! 

𝕄𝕚𝕟𝕕𝕤𝕖𝕥

This is one of the most important parts of a healthy lifestyle. I have a lot to say here and on most other parts of this post so if you want to know more, just let me know!

💭Because I am mindset - this is one of the most important things you need to learn! If you want to feel loved, good enough, pretty (Or all because that is what you deserve) or anything else, the only thing you need to do is change the way you think. 

For a moment, I want you to think and answer this question to me: "Why are you good enough?" If you answered with your accomplishments, looks or anything that is not "Because I am me, and I am good enough." you are wrong. This may sound weird because in the self-care community we are taught that in order to be successful we need to have things like a morning routine, a bedtime and always need to take care of ourselves. While these are things that can improve your life, they do not make you any more deserving of love and care. If you let your happiness depend on anything but the fact that you are here and that you deserve it, you will always be unhappy. Even if you don't feel it now, the moment you feel overwhelmed and are unable to make up to your reasoning on why you are good enough, you feel depressed and undeserving. So the moment you don't do your task, you feel like you are incapable and not good enough. All because we base our self-worth on our actions instead of ourselves. You are putting yourself through so much unnecessary stress when doing that. You deserve better than that.

Let me repeat it out loud for you: "I am not doing my morning routine, am I still good enough?" YES, because you are you, and you are good enough. 

💭 Stop procrasiating - This is a hard one for me, since it is something I still struggle with to this day. But it is sososo important. You probably already know what you need to do to improve your life. Of course, you don't know everything, but you don't need to. A lot of things will come in your way when you are actually doing it, and you can't try out everything at once. But when you think about it, you find it easier to procrastinate than to actually do things. There can be so many reasons for that.

Stop watching so much content on YouTube and Tumblr on self-improvement if you are not going to do anything with it! This is a very easy way to procrastinate. Because you convince yourself that you are being productive, because everytime you watch content with new good advice you get an ephifhany. You are not going to do anything with the information, go watch a Netflix show, you will probably enjoy that more. You already know what to do, so go and do it, keep interacting with content that inspires you and learns you new things about self-care to try out, but don't use it as an excuse.

Let me tell you these very harsh words: If you're not going to start doing it in the next 24 hours, it's better to give up on it now. You don't have to do everything in those 24 hours, but set the first few steps. If you really want it, you should start acting like it. There is no perfect time to start, the only time you need is time to practise and exerience it!

💭 Be gratefull - We are so blessed. Even when going through hard times, there is still a lot of beauty to life. When looking at the news nowadays, it's very easy to get caught up in an overwhelming feeling of sadness or pain. Or with social media, it can be hard to see our own beauty when we see this overidealized picture of a model.

There is a last very important reason why you should practise gratefulness. And it's selective observation. We as humans think, see, feel, hear and smell a lot. Way too much for our brain to properly comprehend. Because of this, our brain will focus on certain things. These things may differ for everyone. But what we interact with a lot, we get used to. So, by interacting with positive thoughts and by appreciating ourselves and the world around us, we will notice these positive and pretty things. 

There are 2 ways I bring positivity and gratefulness into my life. The first one is one you've probably heard alot about: Writing down 3 positive things at the end of the day. I do this but also add a morning exercise, where I specifically write down 3 positive things about myself or my opportunities! The second thing I recently started doing is being aware of your surroundings. I got inspiration from a drawing on tumblr I found not so long ago. Instead of going on my phone when I need to wait for a while or putting on music when cycling to school, I sometimes just try to look around me and appreciate everything I see. When I do this, I  call out my appreciation in my head. I look around and think "Wow, the way that bird looks is just so magical; it looks happy and at peace." or even "The color of that mailbox suits the house so much." It helps me appreciate the little things.

💭 Protect your energy -

In the end, we are the ones responsible for our own wellbeing. Of course, we can partly depend on others, like our friends, family, our partner or even a stranger. But just as your priority is your own happiness, theirs should be their happiness too. That does not mean you can do what you want whenever you want without caring about other people. But by this I am implying that you should stop pleasing people and listen to what you want. Of course, you want to avoid toxic people and situations in general. But when you do get in touch with them, you can lay responsibility to them and wait for them to change or take responsibility by making your problem clear and distancing yourself from them and the situation if needed. 

Another way of protecting your energy i by being in tune with your emotions. Allow yourself to feel your emotions fully, write them down if needed, talk to people if needed, scream them out if needed, but always give them the space they need. Also learn when to take a step back so that you don't hurt others while feeling an overwhelming number of emotions. 

Take enough time for self-care. I would recommend making time for it in your routine. But also do it when you need it or feel like it. This is the only body and soul you've got, so you had better take care of it. Do this by eating things that fuel your body and that you like, drinking herbal teas, taking a bath and meditating (more o that later). It can be anything as long as it relaxes the body and mind. Personally, I like to keep 1 day a week to myself in which I fully focus on the needs of my mind and soul.

💭 Curiousity made the cat wiser - Curiosity should always be cherished. Curiosity is what makes us human, curiosity is what gives us the power to wake up and see what the day has got in store for us, curiosity is what keeps us busy and entertained. One of my favorite quotes on curiosity is from Plutarch: "The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled." It beautifully explains how knowledge feeds our brain and keeps us alive and warm while we should also take care of it.

You should always strive to learn new things every day. It feeds our brain, so that it can function properly. Not only that, ir keeps us entertained. Some things that I'm studying in my free time are:languages (German, Korean and a little bit of Italian). I started learning how to program and i just generally read a lot.

ℙ𝕙𝕪𝕤𝕚𝕔𝕒𝕝

💭 Workout - There are a lot of benefits to exercise. A few of my favorites are: 

They make you happy (exercising stimulates the brain to release serotonin, this is known as the feel good hormone. It uplifts and stabilizes your mood but is also important for social behavior, memory, learning and appetite.)

It can help control weight (Because exercise can burn fat or help you gain muscle, it can either help you lose or gain weight.)

Getting enough weekly exercise prevents a lot of diseases (like strokes, metabolic syndrome, high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, depression, anxiety, many types of cancer and arthritis.)

It improves your daily energy levels (It boosts your endurance and improves your lung and heart health so that you have more energy throughout your day.)

It can improve your sleep (When you exercise your body releases endorphins. Studies have shown that these endorphins prevent sleep problems and limit sleep quality disturbances. They reduce sleepiness during the day so that you are more sleepy at night.)

Now we need to find out how much exercise you need. I would recommend getting at least 30 minutes of exercise a day (except for your rest days). But this might be different based on your goals, the intensity of the sport, how many times a week you exercise, age and disabilities. So do your research! Get at least 1 day rest a week, but getting 2/3 would also work depending on your schedule. You don't have to go to the gym! You can do home workouts (HIIT, yoga, pilates, muscle, just search it up on YouTube), go for a run outside, join a sports club (like tennis, hockey, football or dance). 

💭 Sitting - Maybe you've already heard about it. But sitting is the new smoking. It is one of the biggest health problems nowadays and responsible for way more deaths than you probably think. 

Sitting for a long period of time can be very harmful. The average person in the UK sits for about 70 hours a week with only 2 hours of exercise. Comparing that to 20 years ago, we sat (on average) 3 more hours a day. Research states that prolonged periods of sitting have been linked to cancer, Alzheimer's disease, obesity, heart disease, poor cholesterol profiles, type-2 diabetes and asteoporosis. Sitting too much in a non-active posture without movement also comes with the risks of weakening our muscles and thinning our bones, reducing digestive health and depressive symptoms.

After hearing all those negative consequences, I am so happy to share that these are easily preventable. By taking short breaks while sitting for a long period of time, you allow your blood to fully circulate, and it can already heavily impact your consequences. An easy way to do this is to put a glass next to you while studying/ working, so that you have to take a short walk to fill the glass up again. I would not recommend doing this if you know it will make you avoid drinking water or if you are at a library. Another important way to prevent the harm that comes from sitting is having 30 minutes of physical exercise daily. Try to go on a daily walk and do stretch and yoga exercises or any sport of your choice. The best thing about this one is that if you don' t reach your goal one day, you could catch up later in the week. As long as you get 3 hours and 30 minutes of physical exercise a week, you are good. If this is to much for you, you could also try 20 minutes daily, but I would recommend 30. Last but not least, try to better your posture while sitting. Make sure your spine follows it's natural curve and when possible try to sit in an "active sitting pose". Please invest in good chairs, so that when you sit, the consequences are still minimal. 

Little reminder that you should not be scared of sitting. Sitting is not a problem, even when you do it a lot. But sitting for long periods of time without an active lifestyle and/ or having breaks in between the periods of sitting is very harmful.

💭 Food - At the moment, I am working on a post where I will talk about having a healthy diet. In that post I will talk more about eating specifically for your needs. And with that I will only share some basic tips on here that (in my eyes) are a necessity for everyone. 

The most important tip I can give anyone in terms of eating is focusing on a healthy microbioe (a more detailed post will be coming on this). The microbiom is the fingerprint of our gut system. Our microbiom is in direct contact with your brain. Having a healthy microbiom has an influence on your skin, health, feelings, stress, mental illness and lots of other things. Because of this, it got the nickname "Second brain".  The basics of having a healthy microbiom is eating enough fiber. For the average woman, the minimum is 30g a day and for the average man, 40g. Again, this is the bare minimum to keep our microbiom alive. The second one is eating a wide variety of plants: species, vegetables, fruit, beans, herbs, everything that comes from a plant. It is recommended to eat at least 30 different types of plants a week to make sure your microbiom is healthy. The last tip is fermented foods. These are the best treats for a healthy gut. It is good to mention that your microbiom does not need fermented foods to survive, but your gut will love you if you try to eat them more.

Try not to eat too much sugar. Eating more than the recommended amount may cause weight gain, acne and increased chances of heart disease, cancer and getting depression. The average woman should not consume more than 25 grams a day and the average man 36 grams a day. Please do not live by this principle. If you eat 40 grams of sugar one day, it will not kill you, and it won't make you any less perfect or disciplined. But try to swap out a big handful of candy, for a few pieces of candy with some veggies, fruit and nuts on the side. I personally prefer snacking on fruits and vegetables because my body feels better after eating them and I find them more tasty. You can pair vegetables with some humus or a yogurt and herb dip. 

Don't over or under eat. The easiest way to start with this is to eat fulfilling meals. Eat meals that keep you full by eating veggies, fiber and protein. Eat at least 3 meals a day and maybe a few small snacks.(I personally eat 1 or 2 depending on the day). If you have trouble with overeating, you could try asking yourself the question "Why am I eating this?" If the reason is not because you are hungry, you need to try and let it go. Sometimes you are allowed to listen to your craving, especially if you have learned to keep a balance with it. But if the foods are very rich in sugars or fat, I would use the method stated above and try adding things to balance the meal out and that fuels your body enough to not want to snack more. If you tend to under-eat, I would recommend eating a lot of small portions throughout the day. Although I would normally recommend 3 filling meals a day, I would change that to about 6 smaller balanced meals. Even though these are smaller meals, please try to get your daily nutrients. They are what keep you running. So try to make sure that most meals involve fiber, veggies or fruit, a bit of protein, carbohydrates and fats.

ℍ𝕪𝕘𝕚𝕖𝕟𝕖/ 𝕃𝕠𝕠𝕜𝕤

💭 Skincare - I am not going to say too much about skincare because it is clearly not my strong suit, since I still struggle with acne a LOT. But i recently found out my pores get clogged very easily and a lot (once again it will suprise you) of skincare products have pore clogging ingredients. i use this tool to check on pore clogging ingredients and with the help of that have now created a new skincare routine. I have been using it for less than a week, but I think my skin has already improved a lot (but i could also be delusional). If I find out th methods and research I've done is working now, I will tell you more about it. Until then there are a few tips I would recommend.. Invest in sunscreen. It will help against hyperpigmentation and will minimize signs of aging in the long term. Don't make your routine too complicated. Try to find a simple cleanser, moisturizer and sunscreen. You don't need much more because your skin can do most of the hydration and cleaning itself. If you have skin issues, I would recommend trying 1 toner or serum with an ingredient (do your research) against that. Most of the time, you won't need more. If you do, you can always add from there. 

If you have any skin issues that won't go away after all that you can talk to your GP, and they could prescribe you something. This is what I am considering, if what I am trying now won't work.

💭 Haircare - The most important information I will give to you is to find out your hair type. Once you've gained this knowledge, you can search for products that match your hair type. Once again, if you want a more elaborate guide on how to find out your hair type and what products will work for you, let me know!I would also really recommend using hair oil! You can either use a single oil, buy a premixed one or mix a few yourself. Different oils also serve different purposes. The most popular ones are:

Coconut oil - For repairing damaged hair.

Avocado oil - For shinier hair.

Rosemary oil - For hair growth.

Tea Tree Oil: For treating dandruff. 

I heat the oil up by putting a small bowl with the oil I will use in a bigger bowl with hot water.I put the oil on my scalp a few hours before showering and massage it in for at least 5 minutes. I would strongly recommend watching a Indian tutorial, because I stole all my methods from them. Try to invest in a microfiber towel to dry your hair. A normal towel can damage your hair and makes it less soft (in my experience). The last general tip I have is to wear a protective hairstyle to bed. Either braid it or put it up in a bun. This way, you will wake up with way better hair. An alternative to this is using a silk bonnet. That will keep your hair so soft and pretty. 

💭 Fashion - I feel my best and most comfortable when I feel pretty. In order to accomplish the style you want and look pretty, you can follow these 4 steps: 

Clean out your closet. Sell or donate clothes that you don't like or wear. While doing this, try to look for reasons why you don't like that piece of clothing. That way, you learn to understand your preferences better. 

Learn about your body type and what looks good on you. Of course, you don' t have to limit yourself to only wearing the things recommended, but it is a very easy guideline to help your outfits feel more balanced. While keeping this in mind, you can start playing around with fitting and find combinations that also look good on you, but it is important to understand what different sleeve types and lengts do to your proportions so that it's easier to adjust an outfit to your preference.

Make a pinterest board! Make a pinterest board dedicated to style and make sure to add at least 30 pins. Then you can look for similarities between the pictures you've saved. Please for the love of god, don't follow fast fashion brands. Of course, it's good to get inspired by trends, but it's so incredibly wasteful to buy and trow away clothing time and time again and its also not good for your wallet. 

The last step is to make a list of the things you need to add to your closet. You DON'T have to buy an entirely new warderobe. Look at the things you already have in your closet and write down a list of items you can add in order to increase those items. Try to start out with jewelry and a pair of shoes in your style and look for a few tops, dresses and bottoms. But the accessories are truly the most important, so try to invest in some good quality accessories, because they can make or break an outfit.

A good tip to help you not overconsume is to only buy something when you can style it in 3 ways for 3 different occasions. This way you make sure that you will actually use it!

💭 Carry yourself like a god(ess) - Your posture is so so so important! Is doesn't only influence how other see you, but also how you see yoursel (and if you've read my part about sitting, you've read that's also important for good health).

Your body language reflects what you think, but the opposite is also true. By standing in a powerpose you will start feeling more confident.

Make sure your spine holds its natural curve, your shoulders are relaxed end rolled back. When standing put your feet apart a little, so you stand stronger.

A good pose to practice standing confidently is the so called "superwoman pose". Put your feet apart, look straight forward, ball your fists and putt them on your hips. Standing like this for even 2 minutes will improve your confidence. I do this when I feel really stressed about a presentation or test (not in the middle of the classroom ofcourse, I will either do it in the bathroom, before coming to school or during the break).

ℍ𝕒𝕓𝕚𝕥𝕤

💭 Drinking water -The average woman should consume about 2.7 liters of water a day and the average man 3.7 liters. About 20% of this should come from your food. So, the average woman should drink about 2.16 liters of water and the average man about 2.96 liters of water. It is important to drink your water in order to stay healthy, get rid of waste in your body and keep your temperature normal.

💭 Hobbies - Having a hobby that we enjoy brings us joy and enriches our lives. It helps us learn new skills, de-stresses us, gives you new perspectives, prevents wasting time and learns you patience. A hobby can be found everywhere. It can be collecting something; a sport, singing, reading, programming, knitting, sewing, playing an instrument, baking, cooking and even making tea.

💭 Meditation -  One of the keys to having a happy, calm and balanced life is meditation. Meditation reduces stress, promotes your mental health, helps with learning, kindness and forgiveness, lengthens your attention span (I, for a fact, know most people need this with people's social media use nowadays.) It helps with being self-aware and there have been studies that showed that it has some impact on your physical health (we don't know on which level yet) and that it can prevent age related memory loss. You can start out with breathing exercises and work your way up to guided meditation and, if you are ready for it, meditate regularly. Don't give up, it will take some time to really get into and to get the results you want.

💭 Morning routine - A good morning routine sets you up for a good day. It helps you with getting in the right mindset and with starting the day in a relaxed way. Make sure you get your needed sleep hours. This will be different for everyone. But for teenagers, the average is between 8 and 10 hours and for adults, 8 hours is recommended. It is also good to note that women tend to multitask more during the day and, averagely speaking, need about 20 minutes more sleep than men. I would recommend a set time for your alarm every day. By doing this you will get into a good rhythm which will help you fall asleep, and you know for sure you are getting your needed hours. Everyone likes different things in their morning. Some things that are an absolute staple to me are, and I can't start off my day on a good note without them: Drinking some water immediately after waking up (helps me with waking up), meditating, journaling for 5 minutes, making my bed, doing skincare and having a nourishing breakfast. Chose the things that you find important. If you struggle with doing everything on bad days, you could always make a routine for good days, okay days and bad days. When you wake up, you get to choose which one you will do. This might make it less overwhelming. 

💭 Night routine - Most things have already been said when I talked about morning routines. My night routine is easier than my morning routine, because at the end of the day I have difficulty winding down, and a plan makes it less overwhelming to start. My staples for my night routine are: making sure my room is clean, packing my bag for next day (if needed), my journal for 5 minutes, brushing teeth and skincare. If I don't feel like sleeping yet, I will read in my bed or do a very calming yoga session. 

💭 Organize - I, for one, have quite some difficulty with staying organized. But while speaking with my coach at school he reminded me of the importance of organization. Even if you are not aware of it, the things you still need to do, take up a lot of space in your head. It's way more convenient to just write it in your agenda immediately, make a planner with everything you need to do, make a list of everything that bothers you. You need to stop wasting energy on being de-organized. This will also ensure that you don't miss out on anything. This also goes for your living/ work space. A cluttered workspace will clutter your mind!

𝕋𝕚𝕡𝕤

Some small tips I want to give you before ending this post. <3

💭 Phone/ social media - In order for you to have the best day and sleep, you should not use ur phone for a hour after waking up or before going to sleep. In general, you should minimize your use of social media. I would really recommend listening to this great Ted talk about the worth of a social media app. Because of this Ted talk I realized how much time I was wasting on social media. With all of that time, I can do so much, learn so much, go on so many adventures. Your phone is also really addictive, and you should take that addiction seriously. Phone addiction is a dopamine addiction, because of this. Because life will seem boring. If you want to feel alive and happy, don't overuse your phone and make clear boundaries with yourself. Try to live in the moment, not on your phone. 

💭 Sustainable energy -  I will make a more detailed post about this, because it is one of the things that helped me most. But the concept is very simple: learn to differentiate the things that give you energy and take your energy. And use that as a guide to help you fill your day. Studying is something that takes me a lot of energy. When I feel like my energy is getting low, I take a break after finishing the next task and go meditate or take a walk. This way you can keep thriving the entire day!

💭 Journaling - I would recommend journaling to anyone. There will always be a type of journal that suits you, so please look into it!I personally have 3 journals, I use one for journaling exercises, one for my morning & evening checkups and one is my coomonplace journal. A commonplace journal is a journal in which you write down anything that you learn. It helps you with remembering, but it's also easy to look things back up! 

English isn't my first language, so if there are any mistakes, please correct me. Although I am not very happy with how this post turned out out, I will still post it because I worked really hard on this. I hope my writing and presentation will improve next post. Lots of love and kisses! 💗

Be sure to like comment and reblog!

If you like my content, consider buying me a book. <3

Love Pearl 🐚

[csuitebitches]

Using CSB - Easiest Guide to Levelling Up

I get asked very often how one should use CSB. I’ve created these templates multiple times but I believe that this is the simplest version of what I can give you.

If you’re a beginner who is just starting their level up journey; or if you struggle to be consistent; you find yourself resetting often; then this simple guide is for you.

1. Make a list of all the goals you have in your life. It could be anything - health, wealth, mental health, beauty, anything.

2. Create your SWOT (Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats). Define your strengths and weaknesses well.

3. Revise your goals again based on your SWOT. Define them as short term (0-3 months) and long term (3 months+).

4. Decide three goals that you want to tackle now. 2 short term and 1 long term.

Example:

Short term: finishing the last sem of uni; finding a job; reading 2 books this month; completing an online course.

Long term: losing X amount of weight; consistently meditating, etc.

5. Build a habit stack. Define a time for all your 3 goals. Start with 3, no matter what. You’ll build your way up slowly - the upper limit should not exceed 5 at a time.

Example:

Morning: reading

Afternoon: doing an online course

Evening: working out

5. Set a weekly target. Set a monthly target.

Example:

Reading: 3x week.

The only time you can increase your goals or increase the intensity is if you meet 85% (0.85) of them in a month.

Example: reading 3x a week

Total number of days in a month: 12 days (3 days * 4 weeks)

Minimum number of days: 10 days (approx 12* 0.85)

Only if you reach your minimum goal of 10 days can you increase your goals/ intensity. How would you do this? You could perhaps increase reading days from 3 to 5 a week; or number of books from 1 a month to 2 a month.

What happens if you don’t reach the 85% target? Then you stick to the original target (reading thrice a week) until you achieve your 85% monthly consistency goal.

6. Monthly revision

Keep a diary where you note down your progress/ use a habit tracker to keep a track of everything. You need to ask yourself 3 questions at the end of every month:

1. Do the tasks I’ve chosen play a key role in the person I want to be? OR, do my tasks line up with my goals?

2. Am I meeting the 85% target for all 3 tasks this month? If no - why?

3. Can I take on one more task? (Simple yes/no)

This is also a good time to check in and ask yourself - are these the goals I still want to stick to? Should I change my goals?

7. Dealing with discipline, motivation and rest days.

You need to keep your tasks simple initially for the discipline to kick in to avoid procrastination.

The motivation will come when you define your end goals.

You need at least 1 rest day a week/ 2 rest days a month (depends on you) where you do nothing but just chill and relax.

[iam-stargirl]

Success story

I will be writing what happened before and the problems I faced in the 3d up until it happened just in case it might help someone. If you don’t want to read it then you can go down to where I write the success story, it will be in bold and pink! :)

I’m currently studying four courses and lately… I have not done one single thing that I should when it comes to my studies. I’ve been procrastinating like crazy, which then makes me feel anxious and stressed and because of that I procrastinate more and the cycle continues. I had missed the deadline by almost a month… If you don’t send in your assignments in time and it’s been a month after the deadline, you will no longer be able to continue with the courses. Then you have to apply yet again to start from the beginning again! 

I thought to myself that I need to fix this since it’s important, and by not doing it is making me feel worse. I then asked my teacher when I could book my oral exam and they told me that I had to apply to extend the course. I absolutely did not want that as it would interfere with a lot of stuff and make things worse for me in many ways. Did I still apply for it? Yes… They reached out pretty quickly and they told me it wouldn’t be possible. I shouldn’t have been surprised as I wasn’t exactly persisting in the favourable or living in the end at all, I was just thinking of the worst case scenarios.

Then I decided to send an email asking if they could give me more time (a week or so) to finish the assignments. After that I just decided that it was done, that it already happened. It was like a flip inside of me, from anxious to calm, just by deciding. It just happened.

Whenever i thought about this i would affirm. And yes sometimes when it would pop up I would start to worry and doubt if it even would be possible. I thought they would tell me that since the courses couldn’t be extended, they wouldn’t be able to give me more time for the assignments. But I would redirect and affirm that it was done. 

Many hours later I decide to go on my computer to see if any of my teachers said anything else/more but then I saw that all the red marks for being late with the assignments were gone and I got a little more time. I was like ??? So I checked my email to see their answer and I hadn’t received anything from them, I was so confused. I made sure to check everywhere just in case but I still found nothing. They hadn’t answered yet which they always do after they extend the deadlines. Then I realized that I had somehow manifested getting more time by myself ???

I still don’t know how it happened because “it shouldn’t have been able to happen” or whatever. But then I realized how stubborn I was and kept deciding that it was done. Even though I want and need more time I’m still gonna count this as a success story and I will keep persisting until I get exactly what I want.

Sorry if this is a mess and hard to read!!! I didn’t sleep much last night so my head is like ??? And I’m still a little shocked at how I did it and how it even happened since the ones I emailed are the only ones “capable” of doing it, not even my teachers can for some reason. I already believed in the law but I realized that I didn’t believe or have faith in myself when it comes to “bigger” things. But also.. I shouldn’t be shocked because imagination is truly the real reality and if you persist you will get what you want !!! and it's only "big" and “harder” to manifest because you assume it is 💅🏻 

So learn from me, I sure as hell will! Believe in yourself, you're literally the one in control. Everyone and everything is you pushed out. You can do this !! 🩷

Stargirl

[happilysmythe]

Hiii!! I had a fic prompt pop into my head that I know you'd do justice:

Reader reading a hockey romance novel while Trent is away and Trent either catching her reading it or finding it lying around. Do what you will with the content he finds in the dog-eared pages of the book *wink wink*

- 🐝 anon

hello, hello, nonny!!! :)

okay, so i read this ask and was immediately like, “i need to do this!”

(but i'm a chronic procrastinator. my deepest apologies.)

trent would most definitely find humor in finding reader’s little guilty pleasure. he might be pretty quiet, but he’s a cocky son of a bitch.

so—here’s what i was thinking…

WARNING: smut under the cut!!

-

GUILTY PLEASURE

“Trent, can you grab my bracelet before you come in here? I think I left it on the coffee table,” you shouted from the bedroom.

“Yeah!”

He scanned the living room for signs of the gold bracelet you wore almost daily—he couldn’t miss it, with how often he saw it wrapped around your wrist. It wasn’t on the coffee table like you said, but something else caught his eye; a book, face down on the table, sporting a dog-eared page.

So—out of curiosity—he looked around briefly and picked up the book to inspect it. On the cover was a digitally drawn picture of a couple. And the guy was a hockey player.

Let’s just say he managed to piece it together quickly—especially after opening the bookmarked page and catching a glimpse of its not-so-family-friendly content.

Trent was often away for road games during the season, and, well—you needed some form of entertainment. Something to give you your fix when you were home alone. And so what if the book was about a hockey player? It only made sense—right?

At first, he was shocked but soon found himself grinning at the words he was so intently reading. And it was safe to say that you wouldn’t get off clean.

He made his way toward the bedroom, finding the bracelet on the floor and quickly stuffing it in his pocket. It wasn’t his main focus anymore. He strode confidently into the room, although not empty-handed—the book was tight in his grasp.

“I couldn’t find the bracelet,” he told you, “but…”

He held the book up, revealing just enough of the cover for you to determine what sat in his hand. Wide eyes quickly met his gaze, and you reached over, attempting to take it from him.

“Trent, give me the book.”

“Mmm,” he muttered quietly, “—no.”

“Why not? It isn’t yours. Give it back,” you demanded with embarrassment. “I didn’t even mean to leave it out.”

“Clearly not…” He sported a grin that made you positively sick—a mixture of both embarrassment and anger from him even touching it in the first place. “And especially with the pages you left off on,” he tutted, “I’d be pretty humiliated too. Didn’t even know you were into that kind of stuff.”

“Well, I’m not,” you emphasized, referring to the explicit nature of the novel’s content, “—and that is for when you’re not here, and news flash—you are. So how about we just pretend you never found it and you hand it over so I can put it away?”

“Yeah, no.” 

“Uh—yes?” you narrowed your eyes.

“Need more of an explanation if you want it back.”

Cheeks involuntarily dusted pink, you let out a deep sigh. “I told you—it’s for when you’re gone.” To your dismay—but not your surprise—he put a hand on his hip, awaiting more of an explanation. You had a good mind to slap him across the face. “Oookay,” you cleared your throat, “I get a little deprived, alright? Can’t blame a girl for getting lonely.”

“Miss me so much that you have to read about some hockey player railing a,” he examined the back cover, “—photographer?”

You slapped his arm, “Trent Frederic!” 

He broke out into laughter and dodged the second blow, then wrapped his arms comfortably around your waist—one hand still holding the book behind your back.

“Hey, hey, relax,” he teased.

You were finally able to do so when he leaned down to kiss you—large hands pulling your body against his firmly. And suddenly the book didn’t seem so important anymore. It made a thud as it hit the hardwood floor after his hand released its grip. It had already served its purpose, Trent thought.

He walked you forward until the back of your knees hit the bed and lifted you onto it. His large frame slipped between your legs—so easily because of how reactionary they were to him, opening almost instinctively at his touch. You could feel his grin without even having to look up at him.

“You trying to make a point or something?” The question came out of your mouth with a playful tone. “Because whatever it is, it’s not working.”

“Is that so…” A warm hand made contact with the exposed skin of your stomach—and you no longer regretted opting for such a short top on the cold night. “Because I might be.”

“C’mon, Trent,” you complained. “We’re meeting everyone soon, and,” a small whimper interrupted, “—and we don’t have time for that.”

You were supposed to be on your way out to dinner with a couple of the guys and their girlfriends. But Trent had already decided that they’d just have to wait.

“Right, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have time for something.” His fingers hooked in the waistband of your dress pants—thumb making light work of the button—and pulled them down to grant him just enough access to what they once concealed.

The tips of his fingers ran up your inner thigh, “There was an accident and it caused a backup. How does that one sound?”

“Have some decorum,” you lectured, and he laughed.

Soft lips connected with the warm skin on your neck—trailing small, intentional kisses down to your shoulder. Your hand involuntarily threaded its fingers between his strands and pushed his head down—needed more friction if you were going to continue. And you were.

“Seems like you’re really protesting,” he rasped, knuckles dragging along your folds.

You tried to make an excuse—likely a dumb one—but nothing came out. Your hand was now gripping his hair, the other holding tightly onto the sheets to keep you stable. Unfortunately for you, holding on as tight as possible didn’t stop your hips from bucking into his hand when he slipped a finger in.

He almost felt bad for you—hell, you couldn’t conjure any strength up to resist.

A shaky sob fell from your lips—thankfully quiet enough to go unheard by the neighbors—and he groaned at the sound. Another finger joined the first and his thumb rose to your clit, rubbing it skillfully—prying a soft moan from your throat. 

“God, fuck,” you shuddered—lips parted and head thrown back.

“Mm,” he hummed into your neck, mouth leaving marks in its path. 

“Trent, you can’t—mm—do that,” the words left your lips in a moan, “—we’re going…going out.”

“Cover them up,” he pistoned his fingers in and out at an unfaltering rate.

“No time—”

A louder, sharp cry followed as the tips of his fingers curled inside and hit your sweet spot—and now you were teetering over the edge of your climax. Of course, he felt it, so he continued the calculated movements and brought you to your release—inner walls clenching tightly around his long fingers as they and his thumb worked you through it.

Your hips rolled into him—the traces of yourself dripping down the back of his hand and threatening to fall onto the freshly cleaned duvet. But luckily for you, he managed to carefully remove his fingers and collect the remainder of your release on his thumb, promptly licking it clean as you watched. Admittedly, it always made you weak no matter how many times you had watched him do it.

Your fingers lightly scratched his scalp—chest heaving and eyes fixated on his faint little grin.

He pressed a chaste kiss to your lips, “Better than the book?”

“Fuck the book,” you groaned. “It’s only for when you can’t do that.”

A cocky grin shaped his lips and he gently pulled your underwear back up, followed by your dress pants—pinning them back together as your hand played with his hair to bring your body back to its relaxed state.

“And it’ll have to suffice for now,” he kissed you once more and slipped out of your arms. “We’ll finish later,” he winked.

“God,” you rolled your eyes, “you’re a real ass, you know that?” Your heels carefully flattened on the hardwood floor—your hand resting atop the mattress to give you stability as you stood up. “Seriously,” you laughed, “an ass.”

“Well,” he reached into his pocket and pulled out the gold bracelet you’d been looking for—laughing as your eyes darted to the metal hooked on his finger, “—maybe a little.”

Jaw slack, you snatched the jewelry from his hand and quickly fumbled with the clasp to get it back on your wrist. “Why didn’t you just give it to me?”

“Because what we just did was more important,” he mocked your tone. “And I like to tease you.”

“Ass,” for what felt like the hundredth time, you repeated.

“But you love it.” He stepped closer and adjusted your top, fingers brushing your exposed stomach—lingering for a moment—then brushing your hair back. “Let’s go now, hm? We have a dinner to show up late to.” Your eyes glanced out the window, catching the sight of the fairly empty roads. He leaned down to your ear and lowered his voice to a rasp,

“All that traffic’s gonna be brutal.”

[cosmic-glow]

Can i ask a story with Kakashi Hatake accidentally talking to the reader who likes her but doesn't know how talk with her? like drunk confession

Notes: YES! I don't know why I like writing about drunk characters so much... maybe that's a little worrying... But this turned out so cute and honeyed, I really hope you like it, good reading!

"A Good Reason to be Drunk" - Oneshot.

Warnings: Kakashi x fem!reader; mentions of alcohol and drunkenness (obviously); small plot at the end; SFW; Kakashi in love💕

There was no shortage of warnings about how difficult the journey of becoming a jonin is, and indeed it is, but you were aware of this when you decided to become one. What you weren't aware of was that the person who would train you until you had experience was a big slacker who would leave all the work to you.

You heard a lot about Kakashi, the ninja who copies, while you was studying and training to become a jonin. But what you were never told was that he was late for every appointment, procrastinated on mission paperwork, slept whenever he could and left all the hard work to his teammate. You couldn't deny that he was indeed very skilled during fights, but his behavior didn't make up for it.

And here you were, sitting on a sofa in a bar, drinking sake with your already drunk colleague beside you, leaning on your shoulder and smiling idly. Kakashi irritated you very easily and sometimes you didn't even know why.

But at the same time, he had already saved you so many times during fights, intervening when you believed that all was lost, he taught you so many things that weren't in the books, he compensated you for the hokage's scoldings, taking the blame for any mistake in the mission ... In the end you were a good pair, it was just his lazy side that got on your nerves sometimes. Actually, come to think of it, it was even an honor to train with a ninja like him, you just didn't want to admit it.

After all, in addition to the reputation of being a very skilled ninja, he also had the reputation of being a "stealer of hearts", there weren't a few women who said they were in love with him, maybe you were just wanting to focus on some of his defects so as not to let yourself be carried away by the charm too. But it was hard when he was so close to you, laughing with cheeks flushed from alcohol, looking at you with those eyes as black as night. The strain on your nerves at the thought that maybe if you looked too hard he would use his sharingan on you, having you under control to do whatever he wanted.

- I have a headache these days... Can you help me?

- How can I help you? - you asked as a question and not an offer of help.

- There's this girl that I like... But I think she hates me - he sank deeper beside you, sad - How can I make her like me?

You hesitated, not knowing how to proceed, were you imagining or was Kakashi asking you for love advice? He must have been very drunk.

- I don't know, ask her out - you tried to get away from him a little, the heat of the drink starting to take effect.

- I already did that - he settled down on the sofa, stopping leaning on you, resting his head on his hand, his elbow on his knee, the white hair falling over his face, he looked at you between the strands - I don't think it worked.

- So I don't know, ask her directly if you did something, maybe she'll tell you - you got impatient.

- No, y/n is too stubborn to admit anything! - he frowned, irritated by the suggestion and shaking his head to dismiss the idea.

You stopped whatever you were doing, now just staring at him with wide eyes in shock. No, you're drunk too, not as drunk as he is, but the drinking must be making you hear things, make things up, there was no way Kakashi was in love with you.

- Who? - your voice threatened to break, still surprised by the revelation.

- What? - he asked looking for a glass that was still full.

- The girl you're in love with, who is it? - he turned his head to you.

- I can't tell - he said, with the most serious look a drunken man can muster.

And just now, unfortunately, what was left of sobriety in him decided to show up, you would have to manipulate him into giving you the answer without realizing it.

- But how can I help you like this? Tell me at least a little about her.

Kakashi took a deep breath and leaned back on the sofa, he had found a glass that was half full, he was staring at the ceiling but seemed to see through it, far beyond what you could see.

- She is beautiful, very beautiful... She makes me laugh with her stressed way, she always gets angry so easily - he laughs - She likes to look at the stars and listen to music... Her laugh is contagious... And I see myself more and more in love with her... - he was silent for a long time, you even thought he had finished talking -... I need to tell her, I can't even sleep wellI, lose the time and I'm late every day, and she always fights with me because of that - he laughs softly.

Kakashi was so peaceful as he described you, he had a passionate look on his face, fascinated by his beloved, as if just remembering her brought him peace. But at the same time, you could feel his heart sink when he spoke because he thought his beloved despised him, because he was afraid of rejection, because he loved too much.

- I don't want her to hate me... I love her so much - tears started to well up in his eyes - I just wanted her to know that, but I can't even tell her - the tears fell amid sobs, his eyes got low.

You felt helpless not knowing exactly what you should do or say, so you decided to focus first on his problem with being drunk - as if you weren't. Assuming the role of responsible for the situation you got up, took the cup from his hand while he was crying, tried to wipe his tears and got him up saying "it's going to be okay, Kakashi" because it was the best your head could think of and took him outside from the bar after paying for the round.

Now you had a drunk and crying Kakashi on your shoulder being carried all the way home. It was better not to complain, as you could only end up making the situation worse, besides, you thought that part of it was kind of your fault, like, it was you who decided to be rude on purpose to the guy who was in love with you (even though before you didn't know that). Before you could think about it, you entered Kakashi's apartment and put him to bed, which didn't take much effort since he was practically asleep on his feet.

- I love you, y/n - he whispered with his eyes closed, you don't know if it's for you or some vision of his dream.

- And I don't really hate you Kakashi, it's just easier than admitting that I like you too - you spoke low so as not to wake him up, arranging the blanket, not bothering to say it since he wouldn't remember.

Kakashi opened his eyes slowly, a smile forming on his face, looking directly at you with a twinkle in his eyes like a shooting star in the night.

- I knew there was an explanation for all this anger - he said, his voice without any hint of drunkenness anymore - And I also knew that you would never admit it.

It took you a moment to process his speech, Hatake could see the gears turning inside your head as you was transfixed staring at him. When your gaze lit up, understanding what he had done, he started to chuckle at your expression.

- Were you pretending this whole time?!! - you took a step back, crossing your arms, indignation written on your face.

- Yes and no - he sat on the bed, still with the smile on his face - I did pretend to be drunk to get to know if you felt something for me, something besides anger, of course. But I didn't lie when I said I was in love with you, when I said that I stay up all night thinking about how to confess to you.

A silence hovered between you, he had already finished and now he was waiting for your answer, you on the other hand didn't know where to start, all you wanted to say getting stuck in your throat, needing a moment to organize everything.

- You took advantage of my kindness - you don't know why your mind chose to start with that one.

- For a good cause.

- Tricked me.

- Because you're stubborn and would never give me an answer, just like you're not giving now.

- And what answer are you waiting for?!

- That you tell me if you accept to be my girlfriend or not! - he said as if it were obvious.

The silence from before returned, you staring at each other again, your cheeks more flushed this time and his also slightly flushed. Even though he tried to keep a calm, carefree look on his face, Kakashi was internally begging for your answer to be yes, so that he could show the love he's had for you for so long, so that he could touch you the way he wanted, so that he could kiss you. You wanted to let Kakashi love you, you wanted to tell him that you loved him too, and you couldn't understand why you felt that this was a sign of frankness. But with a deep sigh, trying to silence this insistent thought, you looked at him and smiled.

- Of course I do, you idiot!

His smile widened, his cheeks now as flushed as your own with pure happiness.

- I guess I'm the luckiest man in this village now.

He gets up to hug you and can finally kiss his beloved, wrapping his arms around you. Kakashi wouldn't allow there to be a single day when you didn't feel loved after that.

Sorry for any typos;

Masterlist;

Buy me a coffee?

[mania-sama]

You and Rosa (we're all three mutually fans of King-Highway) tboth keep bringing up All for the Game, I feel like I should like, ACTUALLY read it.

I have a tab open on my phone but I keep procrastinating 🙃

All for the Game is... wow. How do I even describe it?

When people talk about this book series, they will often say that it's bad and they would never recommend it to other people, but that it stole their hearts and souls. I understand where they're coming from, but I don't necessarily agree with them. The book series itself does have pitfalls and horrific narrative choices, but I wouldn't say it's overall bad or even mediocre. It's good. It wouldn't have such a rabid fanbase if it was... bad. It reads somewhat like fanfic, and given the triggering material inside, it wouldn't be so bad to treat it like fanfic.

If you already have the tab open to read it, then I'm sure you have already been warned about the triggers in the book series. This is mainly why people refuse to recommend AFTG to others. It's a lot. Every. single. page. you get punched in the face with a new horrific scene or thought or backstory. It's honestly astounding and a huge part of what makes it so enjoyable. There is NEVER a dull moment. ALL of the characters are traumatized. And yes, it does get worse before it gets better.

The best part of the book series is that the main character, Neil, does not know when to shut the fuck up. He shoots off at the mouth against his better judgment at every given opportunity, and it's glorious every single time. He's the real seller of the series, which is good since he's the main character. When you finish, you'll come away with Neil "I have a bit of an attitude problem" Josten nestled into your heart like a fatal case of tapeworm. He never gives you a second to stop and think; he's always moving, always running, and always dragging the reader along for the ride.

This is all to say: read it. It's so fun and enjoyable and hilarious. It was written in 2013 by a teenager as a fruitful passion project and it shows, but I'd argue that's what makes it good and unique. It's entirely, one-hundred percent it's own. And it's so, so entertaining.

Also, canonically LGBTQ+. The gays win this one!

[iwantacoolusernameman]

hi!!! request hehe so as i’ve only seen you write for akaashi it’s only fair i request akaashi LMAO so can i request a hurt to comfort where reader is stressed w uni and kind of lashes out on akaashi but he knows it’s bc of stress and tries to calm reader n js comfort reader n maybe help them w like an essay?? thank you in advance i LOVE your writing !!!! <3

OK THIS TOOK AGES (i had my reasons 😔☝️) BUT I FINALLY WROTE IT!

(Also it's pretty short, hope that's ok 🫡)

Akaashi Keiji x Reader

Of course you knew that waiting for the last day before the deadline to turn in your essay was gonna stress you out to your bones, but when one was in a slump, procrastination was simply unavoidable. And of course you also knew that your lovely boyfriend Keiji had only had good intentions when he came over unanounced that day because it just had been too long since he could make time for you; the young man burried under his own uni workload. And how was he to know you were being crushed under a mountain of stress when you were guilty of pushing people away when things got overwhelming? Yes, that certainly included him as well. Put on the everything is fine mask and keep up the act until your issues were resolved, that's the way you are and always have been. Only it did come with a price. At first Keiji didn't think much of your constant sighing, thinking you must be tired, and understandably so. And you think you're doing such a good job too, playing your little game of pretend, unaware that he's slowly but surely started seeing the cracks in your mask with every subconscious sigh that comes out of you. He wants to ask you what's wrong but something in him also knows you'll just pretend to be fine. And that's exactly what you do when he does ask you, without an ounce of guilt for the obvious lie leaving your lips. He doesn't buy it, of course he doesn't, and if it were anyone else he would've dropped the topic but you're not anyone, you're someone he promised to be there for no matter what and he's starting to get restless, obviously affected by the stress you're still sturbbornly trying to hide.

"You've been kind of absent today," he notes, trying to sound casual, aware that in your current state any statement could be a landmine and God does he read you like an open book on his coffee table. You snap.

"Well, I'm sorry! Maybe just fucking let me know next time you come over!" Your tone is sharp and dripping with irony and you feel the guilt immeditaly settling in your guts. Momentarily he looks a bit taken aback, clearly not having expected you would snap this quickly and it does nothing to helping your guilt, but he's quick to regains his composure again.

"Shit, I didn't mean that," you scramble together an apology, a crack in your voice and tears starting to well up in your eyes. "Keiji, sorry. I take it back. I didn't mean that."

Once the initial surprise to your sharpness is settled he knows immediatly what's going on and carefully reaches for your hand, as if he wanted to make sure touching you wouldn't make you escalate even worse than before but his understanding touch was already starting to soothe your nerves. Once he realizes that, he lets himself hold your hand more firmly.

"Hey," he starts calmly, looking into your eyes. "Tell me what's really going on and we'll work it out together."

You hesitate. Of course you do. There are so many reasons to not tell him. Like what if he thought you were lazy for not having started sooner? What if he would silently judge you? Worse, what if he thought you were stupid, not quite understanding the material? You didn't want him to think any of those things about you, no matter how stupid it suddenly sounded you would even think those things when you imagined yourself saying them out loud. But would he really think that way? Or was it your own self doubt? Well, those unkind thoughts certainly weren't helping your stress levels come down either, you knew that much at least. But something did seem to help and it was the way he was so patiently and quietly giving you the time you needed to collect yourself and your thoughts even if it looked like you were ignoring his questions. But he knew you weren't ignoring him so he kept on waiting for you until you realized how silly it was of you to expect Keiji of all people to judge you.

"I'm just a bit stressed because of uni," you finally mumble, your gaze casting downward. "My essay is due by tomorrow and I barely started. I don't know why I procrastinated so much, I'm so behind and I'm sorry I snapped at you, I didn't mean it. Really."

He nods understandingly when you're done explaining yourself, the feeling of stress completely paralysing you not a stranger to him either. His silent acceptance leaves you in awe for a moment as you feel your body starting to relax.

"Do you want me to help you?" He asks, still holding your gaze as you look up at him with a bit of uncertainty hiding behind your eyes.

"Would you?"

"I wouldn't have asked otherwise," he reassures you with a faint smile on his face.

You silently nod at his request, still feeling a bit sorry for the way you snapped at him earlir but more than that, feeling beyond grateful for the way he has your back like he promised he would.