#yes i did cry while writing this

[bisexualbrainrots]

imagining tommy at buck's loft, they've talked some of the things through but it still doesn't seem sure what the next step will be, so, tommy tries to take it upon himself to leave but stops dead in his tracks when he's looking at the door, all the sadness from the breakup creeping back into his mind.

so he turns and rests his back on the door and asks buck "do you want me to go?” while crossing his arms, ready to accept it if buck wants him to.

but buck is not sure, he's leaning into the kitchen island looking at tommy and yes, he doesn't really want to see his face at the moment but this fire inside of him screams to not let him go. so he walks towards him and it seems he's gonna kick him out but instead, he grabs his face with one hand and kisses him, while the other rests at the door.

tommy kisses him back, one hand on his waist and the other on the shoulder, slowly reaching for the back of buck's neck.

it's passionate, the fire that's been building inside of them has been set loose, but the longer it goes the more it burns and now their eyes are watering.

and they start crying, holding onto each other like a promise, and despite the way the tears feel they don't stop kissing, they can't.

it's been so long since the last time they just don't want it to end.

[itsadragonaesthetic]

ptsd is so weird and I doubt my own condition so often. It's easy to say I have ptsd for domestic violence. It's easy to see why I act different than other people around drugs and men and weird specific circumstances. But...... I also get terrified of talking to people. Someone from work will call me and I'll feel ice in my veins, wondering what horrible news they're about to tell me. I never feel connection or interest in anything anyone is saying unless they're family. I feel total and complete apathy for people my age. It seems like I'm only able to make decent conversation with people way older than me. If I start to tell someone about some past experience I had with an old friend, I immediately start to cry uncontrollably. I get so angry beyond reason when I see someone exclude me from even the most stupid of tasks. But despite all of that............. I don't know what happened to me. A lifetime of heartbreak, toxic friendships, bad people? That doesn't feel like a clean answer. I can understand having ptsd for the people who raised me and everything they put me through. But I really just have ptsd for........ every intimate circumstance where I'm...... around other people? And I've consistently been laughed at, made fun of, excluded, and hated at every turn through every single stage of my life? It scares me to think about it. The only constant here is me.

[janahanooo]

Yuu: would you still love me, if I go back to my world?

Malleus: until the day I die, I would

Yuu: please, don't say that. You have to get over me

Yuu: I don't want to hurt you any longer

Malleus: *wakes up*

Malleus: ...but how could I not love you?

Yuu: *in their world* *after a few years they adopted children and and named them after their friends in Twisted Wonderland* *is now in a nursing home*

Yuu: my only wish before I die, is to see my love for the last time

Their youngest adopted child: oh... but you said you could never see them again...

Yuu: oh I know, so don't listen to everything that this old lady/guy tells you. My memory isn't that good as it used to be... how sad indeed...

Malleus: *is sitting alone in the trone room, when a bright light is seen from the mirror*

Malleus: there is no way... Yuu?

Yuu: *is as suprised as Malleus*

Yuu: I need to stop wishing for stupid things in this old age

Malleus: but- but how? I thought I would never see you again...

Yuu: silly dragon

Yuu: you're still as young as we parted

Malleus: and you are just as beautifull when you left...

[marauders-bs]

It's that Potter-Black thing

"Hol-y shit," Marlene said, stifling a laugh. "You really are your father's son, aren't you?"

"Don't make fun of the kid, Mar," Sirius said, nudging her ghostly arm with his.

"But he's in love with a Slytherin boy, Sirius. Your nephew."

"Fleamont, James, Harry," Lily said, ticking the names off on her finger. "Alphard, Reg, this Draco boy. The Potters and their Black boys, I guess."

Harry looked around. The ghost of his parents and their friends had shown up not long after his fifteenth birthday and had never left. Now he was sixteen, and Sirius had joined them.

"Wait," Harry said, Lily's words sinking in. "You were in love with Regulus?"

James put his head in his hands as the others laughed. "Ask McGonagal about us at some point, Haz," Dorcas said, a slight smile on her face. "Madam Pompfrey, too. I'm sure you'll get some great stories.'

"Especially Remus," Mary said.

"That fourth-year transition when he got so hot?"

"Ew, Marlene, don't be straight."

Harry smiled a little as his parents' friends laughed and joked together. Sure, they were all dead, and he was a little over five years away from being older than some of them, but that was okay.

[skitskatdacat63]

Fernando Alonso & His Relationship With Cards

I'm sure we're all familar with the cards on the back of Fernando's Vegas GP helmet by now, but did you know his relationship with cards goes a lot deeper?

I. Magic Tricks

You've probably seen or heard someone at least mention Fernando's propensity for card tricks. As far as I can tell he was doing them(publically) as far back as 2003 all the way to as recently as 2018. Even once performing a card trick, with a condom and a teddy bear(!??!?!??!!), in front of Valentino Rossi who said "How was that possible?"(x)

But how did this start? According to James Allen, "Fernando admits to having been heavily influenced by his grandfather, a mercurial figure, who taught him magic and card tricks, still one of his passions away from the race track."(x) And I'm not sure the validity of this one, because I couldn't find an actual source, but apparently he once said: "My parents are responsible for the two things I like doing most - driving and magic tricks. They bought me my first go-kart and a magician's kit."

In several interviews he described it as his hobby off track, and that he loved learning new tricks and surprising others in the garage with them! So clearly cards are pretty important to him both as a hobby but also to who he is as a person since they've been with him just as long as racing has.

II. Card Symbolism in His Helmets

This is the reason I originally made this post, but I thought I should also explain the origins of his card fascination first. As I said, we probably all remember the cards on the back of his helmet in Vegas, but did you know that wasn't the first time he had cards on the back of his helmet?

From 2008-2013, he used to have a pair of cards on the back of his helmets. The symbolisms of the cards themselves as well as the evolution of their design is really fascinating to me! Even more so with the recent development of the card choice in 2023.

Fernando said he wanted to reference his two titles in some way on the back of his helmet and after his friend sent him several ideas, he decided on having two cards(an ace of clubs and an ace of hearts, sometimes pictured with 05 and 06 on them as well), saying: "I picked the cloverleaf [the ace of clubs - Ed] to give me luck, but the only pity is that it doesn't have four leaves!"(X)

2008.

Here's the very first appearance of the cards! They're displayed flat, with the 05 and 06 clearly visible

2009.

Very similar to 2008, but with a slightly different design, and they're maybe a bit more straight with less shadow?

2010.

This is the first major change! I was sad they didn't have the years on them anymore, but then I realized they're sparkly to match with his signature lightning bolts on the top of the helmet!!

2011.

Honestly I'm still somewhat unsure if this is the actual 2011 helmet? It's pretty difficult to find clear photos of the back of helmets from older seasons. It's easiest to find them on replica sites or auction sites so I'm not 100%? But anyways, I like that this has the championship years on the underside of the cards

2012.

This is when I started getting weirdly emotional about the helmets. Do you see how they've progressed from being a centerpoint to being curled up and sad at the bottom of the helmet? Not listing the year anymore??

2013.

Same thoughts as 2012. And after this season, they cease to exist (just like his ferrari chair in the garage, WOAH CALLBACK), until cards make a reeappearance in his Vegas helmet, albeit in a different form

2013 Monaco(Honorable Mention):

For some reason 2013 helmets were easier to find proper pictures of, so I happened to witness this absolute beauty. The creativity of this helmet genuinely blows me away??? Wanting to keep the card motif, but making sure to incorporate it into the rest of the puzzle piece design?? Mwah! There was another special 2013 helmet but they didn't change the cards at all so I really applaud this one

2023 Las Vegas(The Return of The King):

The magnificent return! But look! The cards are different cards! Instead of being two aces, it's now an ace of hearts, a four of hearts(his driver number of course!) and, the, now iconic, representation of himself as a Joker. I literally could not believe my eyes when this helmet was released and I saw the Joker card, what a fucking silly old man....I really wonder if he felt nostalgic having cards on his helmet again or if he didn't think about it all and was just like, "ah cards because Vegas!!!"

III. Why Does This Matter?

*The rest of the post was factual, this is moreso my personal thoughts on the symbolism of the cards/designs

This post spawned from me recently watching the 2010 Bahrain gp and noticing "hey wait a minute...are those CARDS ON THE BACK OF HIS HELMET!?" It's a really tiny detail that's unfortunately covered up by the HANS device pretty much whenever he's wearing the helmet, so it's really difficult to spot! But I became fascinated with the fact that he had cards on his helmet before that recent helmet, and now here we are!

There's something to me about how the design of the cards evolves over the course of six seasons from the cards being front and center to being smaller, more folded up and closer to the bottom of the helmet. As I said, the 2012-2013 ones genuinely made me depressed because it feels, symbolically, like his hopes for getting another Ace are becoming more and more unlikely and falling away until they eventually fall falt and fade away entirely after 2013 and disappear for basically a decade.

But when they return? They're not the same cards! Instead of representing Fernando's championships, they now represent him as a person, displaying his driver number and his persona of being a Joker!! Though I do think it's interesting he happened to keep the Ace of Hearts, even though he talked more about the Ace of Clubs before. I'm not sure it's actually this deep in reality, but I like to think that it's him not letting his championships(and the lack thereof) define him, but rather letting who he is as a person shine and be the centerpoint instead! But on a sadder note, as @suzuki-ecstar said to me, maybe the Aces aren't there anymore because he's lost all hope for a chance at a third Ace entirely :(

[thestressedsimmer]

After spending time cuddling her newest son and yelling through the door to her husband that they'd had a boy? Her Majesty said that she was very tired and handed the babe off to her midwives to crawl into bed with a smile on her face. She seemed almost serene as she did this.

After a few hours, her son was fussing from hunger and the midwives went to wake the queen to offer her the chance to feed him... only to find her not breathing. Not moving at all. There had been no sign of distress, she had just passed.

She gave birth at 7:52 AM and was discovered deceased at 9:52 AM.

The king was immediately summoned and told the bad news; he rushed to his wife's side, unable to believe the emotional whiplash of a healthy son, but....

He sat by her side for some time, but tears would not come. He felt purely numb. Maybe that was his response to having a beautiful son but his wife not making it through. Maybe he reasoned that her suffering was over and she was with their other son.

Or maybe it hadn't truly hit him. But either way? He knew that he had to tell the rest of the family and inform her sister - the duke and duchess lived within walking distance of the castle so she could come and see her sister before the funeral. It would be wrong to not give her that chance.

Duchess Elizabeth was there far faster than she should have been. She brushed right passed the king, not even stopping to pay respects to him. At first she just stared at her sister; it felt strange to see her big sister so ummoving.

Before long, she crawled into bed with her like she did when they were kids. They would often lay in bed and talk about their adventures. When her sister was to wed a prince and heir to the throne it had felt so surreal... And then Joan had made sure she could get her truest wish of traveling by convincing the royal family to give Robert her hand.

"We were supposed to go on this adventure together." She whispered to her sister after some time, clutching onto her. . . It wasn't until she heard the king's voice that she moved.

"She cared for you very deeply, you know. Our last conversation was her fretting about not being able to support you through your pregnancy because she would be in confinement."

Laying her head on her sister's shoulder? Elizabeth nodded. "She is... was the best older sister I could have asked for. I know I worried her. But I thought I would have more time to make that up to her."

"You have nothing to make up to her, Lizzy."

There was a long pause then and Louis wondered if he said something wrong, but then....

She threw herself in his arms and squeezed him tightly. No more words were said between them, they just shared each other's grief and pain.

Outside of the door, the princess was avoiding going in to see her sister-in-law. This is by far the first death in the family, but somehow this felt the hardest.

Maybe because Joan had helped her through those other deaths. The queen often held her own head high and held the princess' hand through saying her goodbyes and even would teach her hymns from Henford-On-Bagley; the songs from there were very different than songs from Willow Creek.

Her mother, la reine mère, knelt down beside her and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"I can't do it, mère. I can't... I can't... She can't be gone."

"I'm afraid that's not how things work, princesse." The older woman said softly, squeezing Ysole's shoulder. "You will never forgive yourself if you don't say goodbye. Come with me, I'll even go first to show you that it isn't as frightening as it seems."

Entering the bedroom, she walked over to her daughter-in-law's side. They weren't as close as she was with her other daughter-in-law, but she had truly cared for the girl. Her mother's heart ached when she struggled with her grandson's death and she could only be grateful for how she had taken Ysole under her wing.

"You have been a great queen. Willow Creek thanks you." She whispered to her. She knew the younger woman had worried if she was a good enough queen. . . So if there was one message she wished she could hear before she passed on to Paradise? It was that.

Ysole mirrored her mother's movements, stepping over and placing her hand on Joan... She was trembling. But her mother was right. She needed to say goodbye to her.

"I. . . I'll miss you. And I'll miss our games of chess and late night talks and your stories and... and the songs... I'll have to try to remember them on my own now.... and. . . and. . ."

She spun around and threw herself into her mother's arms, starting to sob. It felt odd to feel her sister-in-law so stiff and cold. But she also seemed so peaceful at the same time.... It all hurt her head.

"Mère, I can't do anymore. Do you think she'll be angry with me? Or hurt?"

Her mother sighed softly and hugged her as tightly as she could. "No, my dear. I think she'll just be happy that you came to say goodbye. And very proud of you for handling it so well."

On that note, she picked up the crying young girl.

Elizabeth decided to go with them to try and fill Joan's role with calming the princess. On top of all of that, they women knew that they had more chances to say goodbye to the queen at her funeral.

Her husband? This was the only chance he got. Kings did not attend funerals, after all.

[five-stages-of-gris]

Silly little drawing of Mihawk and Uta as the Farmer and Leo from Stardew Valley

[spending-life-pretending]

i’m sure sex is great but nothing can match the power i feel when i figure out the plot twist before the characters do

[autumnoakes]

man... rhoam's "redemption" in aoc really sucked, huh?

like botw SHOWED us, several times, how much pressure rhoam put on zelda to unlock her powers, despite her telling him, several times, that it wasn't working. he got angry and banned her from doing not only something she saw as useful, but something that she was clearly very interested in and passionate about because she "wasn't dedicating enough time to her prayers." yes, his diary expresses regret for it, but at the end of the day, if zelda saw that it wouldn't mean much to her. the actions rhoam took, and the way zelda grew up under so much pressure that she nearly died as a child in one of the springs (this is in urbosa's diary, iirc) mean so much more than his regrets and his intentions. it took him nearly 10 years to realize that he fucked up, and by that point it was too late. the calamity had returned, and rhoam had lost any chance he had at making things right with zelda.

meanwhile, in aoc, all that's there is some half-hearted scene in the temple of time that's supposed to make everything better? yes, aoc had a very different and arguably better outcome than the calamity that led to botw, but the damage was still done by rhoam. it's still the same hurts and abuse and trauma that he put his daughter through all because of the prophesized calamity.

[the-meaning-iz-42]

I just finished watching Good Omens season 2 and just why?

Why?

whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

If there isn't a third season that god damn fixes this mess I'm going to have to bend reality and get those two fools to talk to each other and kiss goddanmmit.

[theraggedygirl11]

I just wrote a scene with a nameless character in my fic and it made me cry so much-

My Jance fic is killing me

My brain: how much do you want to suffer?

Also my brain: YES

Also, I'm currently at +27k words, my longest work for now

[thiefbird]

Happy Friday! I'm not sure what pairings you're into but since I saw your blog title was Anders Trash, how about "[They] looked into my eyes and uttered four simple words. Those words changed everything." for him?

Happy Friday! This one is long and bittersweet: Kanders and pre m!Handers for @dadrunkwriting

~~~

Hawke had stopped in at the Darktown clinic on his way back from the Wounded Coast, as usual, pockets and pack filled near to bursting with threadbare scavenged clothes and herbs. He'd offered Anders coin, too, when he'd gotten his first profits from the Bone Pit, but the man steadfastly refused any pay but his cut of any work he tagged along for.

Hawke probably would have found his refusal irritating if he hadn't been head over heels in love with him, but he'd long since accepted that he was incapable of being objective where Anders was concerned, so he called it selfless, and chose to hunt down and carry pounds and pounds of elfroot, embrium, and orichalcum back from each journey out of the city.

It was a rare quiet day in the clinic; good weather meant that there were less illnesses, and less accidents from slipping on wet stone. Lirene was rolling bandages--made from previous selections of torn trousers--in the corner, and against the back wall, Anders was bent over a fire, stirring a small pot of simmering green liquid.

He looked back over his shoulder at the clank of Hawke dropping his helmet on a cot, and smiled warmly. "The wandering hero returns! How was the coast?" he asked, pulling the potion off the fire with his bare hands.

Hawke cringed, even as he recognized the pattern of frost protecting Anders' palms. "Less bandit-y than it was a week ago, at the very least. Less full of herbs, too: between myself and Merrill, I think we picked a tree's worth of elfroot," Hawke joked, slipping his pack off his shoulder and dropping it, exaggerating the effort it took to hold it.

Anders' eyes widened as he saw the bulging pack. "Tell me that's not all elfroot, Hawke," he muttered, setting his pot on a flat stone and moving to take a closer look. "I don't know if I have enough space to dry that much."

"No, not all. Found you some stuff to turn into rags and bandages, too, and the orichalcuk and embrium you needed." He paused, hand in his pocket as he debated with himself, as he had the entire walk back.

Merrill had been the first to spot it, crouching in thy grass to peer curiously at the tiny white flowers. "I've never seen these before!" she'd said, waving Hawke and Varric over. "Is it useful? It's very pretty!"

Hawke had recognized the white petals and red center from his father's botanical compendium, the one he'd stolen from the Gallows the night he'd eloped with Leandra. "It's Andraste’s Grace, I think. It, uh... it's not really useful for humans, but it can be used in a potion that can cure the Taint in mabari."

Merrill had looked a little disappointed as she slowly straightened up. "I guess we had better leave it, then," she'd murmured reluctantly. "If we can't use it."

Varric made a soft noise in the back of his throat, and deftly plucked one of the myriad blossoms. "Nonsense, Daisy. No one said you can only have useful flowers." He bowed dramatically, holding the flower towards her, and Merrill giggled as she took it from him.

"Thank you, Varric. Do you think Anders would like some? He spends so much time in his clinic, and i know it's in the nicer part of Darktown, not the very sewery bit, but I think some flowers would help."

And that was how Hawke came to be standing awkwardly in Anders' clinic, a bouquet of Andraste’s Grace oh-so-carefully tucked in a pocket, the image of a nobleman preparing to court a blushing maid. The idea was so ridiculous he nearly left, but...

No. He wouldn't back out now. He couldn't. Knowing his luck, Merrill would ask Anders if he'd liked the bouquet, and that would be worse.

"I also found these," he muttered, pulling the small, brilliantly white flowers from his pocket as he carefully avoided Anders' eyes. "Andraste’s Grace. I- we- Merrill and I thought they might cheer up the clinic."

There was a too-long pause, and Hawke risked a passing glance at Anders' face. The older man's expression was indecipherable, and Hawke felt himself flush. "If you don't like them, or you're allergic, or... I'll just leave. I'm sorry," he mumbled, turning towards the door. Maybe he'd forgotten some important meaning in the years since he'd read about them, and he'd just told Anders to go to the Void, or threatened to burn him like the flowers' namesake.

"No, no, wait. Hawke!" Anders called, voice cracking miserably on his name. "They're beautiful. I just..."

Another quick glance up from the floor revealed the unmistakable gleam of unshed years in Anders' eyes as the mage dropped into his rickety chair. "They were his favorite flowers. Karl's. He'd found a clump the day his magic manifested."

Hawke swallowed down the instinctive groan of self-loathing. Trust him to pick the most emotionally loaded bouquet in the all of Thedas. "I'm sorry," he mumbled.

"Don't be," Anders said after clearing his throat. "I've... I've never seen any in person. They really are beautiful...

"He always said he'd find a way to give me one, once we got out. Fanciful plans, realistic ones, they all had that in common: once we were free, really free, we would find Andraste’s Grace." He choked on a sound that could have been a laugh or a sob, and absently spun the lyrium-banded ring he'd taken from Karl's corpse.

Hawke stepped closer, setting the bundle of tiny flowers on the desk in front of Anders. "You were planning to run?"

Anders chuckled humorless. "I'd already run five or six times before that. They always caught me again; phylacteries are a crueler evil than any blood magic Merrill or Surana could ever wield. But this time, this time we were going to run together.

"One of the Templars thought it was romantic," Anders continued, spite tingeing his voice. "She said she'd leave a door to the outside unlocked for us. We'd go north, Tevinter or Rivain, somewhere the Chantry couldn't get us, and we'd be free."

Hawke didn't want to ask. He'd been there for the ending of this story, that horrible, heartbreaking night. But he'd never heard Anders talk about Karl before. "What happened?" he asked, barely louder than a whisper.

Anders didn't answer immediately, brushing his thumb back and forth over the petals. "Changed her mind. Told the Knight-Commander, the First Enchanter. Told them we were- that we planned to run. They sent him to the Gallows that night; he didn't even get to pack.

"She was the one who told me. The next morning; she woke me up, stood over me in my bed. She looked me in the eyes and said four simple words. 'Thekla's left for Kirkwall.' Those words changed everything."

Finally, Anders picked up the flowers, holding them to his face and inhaling their delicate scent. "We're free, Karl," he whispered, barely audible; Hawke felt like the intruding third wheel to Anders and his overwhelming grief. "We're free of them for good, and I have Andraste's Grace."]

[daylillie]

OCD really does not want me to eat right now. Like I got over *insert health fear* that caused me to barely eat. Now happily enjoying a meal then I taste something repugnant so obviously it's *insert old contamination fear resurfacing* Spit it all out. I want to wash my mouth out with soap. Looked like an idiot with my tongue out trying to decide if I should spit until I convince myself it's okay to swallow or..actually wash my mouth out with soap. So, I'll be at the sink for the next hour spitting.

But hey guys, remember I'm so OCD lol it's like a superpower. This is amazing I can't believe no one is calling me to organize their house.

[lostinanothersmemories]

yeah david being happier and being able to manage the anniversary… jump cut to darlin in their apartment alone clutching the old phone they’ve protected with their life staring at the last text from gabe simply saying

“Just don’t give up on me kiddo” sent Sept. 3, 2017 at 8:47 pm

[bungee-gum-b1tch]

so 3.3 happened… what the fuck hoyoverse

rambling in the tags cuz i have way too many thoughts about this

[tecnestheim962]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THE PAIN. THE ANGST. THE ANGUISH. THE “You’re all I have.” THE “hi.” “Hey.” THE WAY HE TALKS TO HER AND ABOUT HER IS SO OSCAR CODED IT HURTS. HOW DARE.

Genuinely don’t know if I’ll ever recover from this.

"Look, whatever you're thinking... do me a favour. Don't let me go."

rosegarden transistor au because them being separated in canon isn't enough. i need to make them yearn in alternate universes too, apparently.