#yes i can use proper capitalization and punctuation. only when i want to.

[speakofthedebbie]

With every fic read I stray further and further from God.

[khoipyan]

you’ve received a text!

headcanons of octavinelle’s texting styles when texting with you!

warnings; no major ones, hinted to be dating in azul’s and jade’s, can be seen as platonic or romantic

notes; snore mimimi.., FLOYD I LOVE YOU FLOYD LEECH FLOYD LEECH WAAAAAAHA SOBS SNIFF CRIES COUGH 😭😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️ im sorry

(notes have nothing to do with the fic i am just so in love with floyd)

azul ashengrotto

formal all the way. Capitalized letters, punctuation in place and even uses BIG BOY WORDS?!

when texting azul, he tries his best to keep formal even with you.

sometimes uses emojis, but very rarely and only with you. i think his favourites are 😊😓🤔 in the most non-joking way possible.

If he's in a rush or just happens to slip up, there may be a time where he forgets to put the proper punctuation endings (.?!,), but he'll be sure to correct himself in that moment.

EXTREMELY RARE but he might use acronyms (unless it's something like ASAP)? only because i can imagine him going:

"Love you, in a rush, TTYL. ❤️"

honestly an average speed texter but much better using a keyboard, probably owns a tablet with some sort of keyboard attachment.

barely uses the texting app on his phone because he's more used to emailing people. not enough for said messaging app to catch dust, but you get the idea.

(also kind of think he doesn't understand tone tags but he'll try if you want him to, not that he'll use them often but if you ask then he shall.)

jade leech

another formal texter... this time he doesn't slip up at all. sure, he'll make very infrequent typos, but he'll catch himself before he hits send.

bro does NOT use any of those yellow emojis to express how he is feeling over text. he's old fashioned.

generally doesn't use emojis unless with people he considers to be more than clientele (even if you guys are just seatmates or something), but when he does...

your two choices are :) or :(. that's it. maybe even the winking versions if he's feeling a tad bit extra.

regardless, he makes use of the emojis that aren't the people/yellow emojis. his favourite emoji has to be the mushroom one because he thinks it's cute despite the fact it doesn't realistically look like a mushroom at all.

(also yes, i know mushrooms with red caps speckled with white do exist, BUT DO NOT BE TELLING ME THOSE SPOTS ARE THAT BIG. maybe i'm in denial but THERES NO WAY.)

he'll be putting that mushroom emoji with anything.

"Did you have a good day today, dear? 🍄" "May I come over today? I wish to see your face again. 🍄" "Can you perhaps come over to Mostro Lounge today? Floyd wants to play with somebody, and you'll be able to see me while you're at it. 🍄"

literally the most random uses for the mushroom emoji.

it's ok we love jade for that

floyd leech

his texting habits are so irregular you don't even know WHAT to expect. usually does capitalize his letters at the start of his sentences, but sometimes he'll start capitalizing random words out of NO WHERE.

"Hey shrimpy..... wanna Play With me.... come Over to mostro im bored"

when he's upset he doesn't bother capitalizing anything, why put in the extra amount of work when you're moody?

emoji user REAL. typically anything you'd expect from genZ slang, to be honest. his favourites are 😱😇🤬☹️ and you know what, HE PROBABLY USES THOSE SHARK MEMOJIS BECAUSE HE THINKS IT'S FUNNY (and it is).

the most non-driest texter ever, also if you don’t respond to him within 0.0001 seconds he’ll start exploding your phone with spam messages (unless you’ve told him not to do that, then maybe he’ll only send 2-3 after-messages from then on)

has absolutely no intent of using proper punctuation, the type of guy to use multiple ellipses in one message.

honestly, his texting habits make him less intimidating than he actually is in reality.

— due to be edited at anytime —

[tenjikubaby]

you have one (1) new message!

s62 (+ kakucho) texting/messaging HCs

Rindou: The “whats up” guy

Fair emoji use, texting abbreviations, and slang. Can’t care less about proper capitalization or spelling words correctly unless he really wants you to leave him alone. He can be a bit dry as a texter because he prefers to tell you stuff in calls or in person. Usually takes hours or even days to reply unless you’re special to him (you only need to wait minutes if so). Being an extrovert, I think many people messaging him so sometimes your messages might get buried under everyone else’s, and he’s usually too lazy to check everything. 

Ran: The “Good morning. How are you?”  guy

He wants to sound formal and intelligent over text, so he’s got complete sentences, good grammar, proper punctuation and capitalization even if you’re close. Rare emoji use, and if he uses one it’s only the basic smiley/sad faces because he’s too lazy to check out the other emojis outside that. Would likezone you on Messenger or send you those sparkly gifs and it doesn’t mean anything! He’s just kind of a boomer. Leaves you on read often but that also doesn’t mean anything because he might have a) fallen asleep, b) started zoning out, c) just forgot to reply. 

Shion: The "WHAT" guy

WACKY. Lots of emojis (his favorites are the fire, 100, and devil emojis), abuses Caps Lock, may spam you when excited. Sometimes, you might wake up to 35+ new messages from him, a lot of them different variations of “[NAME] WAKE UP BRO CHECK THIS OUT 🔥🔥🔥” (and it’s just a screenshot of a scammy “Congratulations you won a new iPhone!!” message from a free movie website. He already put his details in.) Reply speed is FAST unless he's in a fight or meeting. Laughs at the memes you send like 'HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA' because he doesn’t believe in lol or lmao or rofl. He’s quite fun to talk to because his reactions are so enthusiastic and extra. 

Izana: The “yes? 🤯” guy

Heavy emoji user. Uses emojis that sometimes mismatch the tone of his message so he can be confusing to talk to. It’s just one of his quirks though. You’ll know immediately if he likes or dislikes you because if he doesn’t like you, he just sends something like “shut the fuck up 😄”. Doesn’t abbreviate too much, but adheres to proper punctuation and types complete sentences. The type of person to respond to you with pictures instead of typing. (Like, if you ask ���Where are you?” he sends you a close-up of his face and just above it you can see the sign of the restaurant he’s about to enter). Likes to send memes and reaction pics as well.  Reply speed is quite slow but doesn't exceed a day. 

Kakucho: The "hello :)" guy

Refuses to use emojis, prefers to just type out his smileys/sad faces. No caps. Abbreviates a lot of words but still uses proper punctuation because he doesn’t want to sound monotone. His texting is quite informal but still very much polite unless you’re close friends (he’ll be less polite then). He apologizes if he took too long to reply to you, which happens every time because Kaku isn’t on his phone much. If it’s really urgent, you’re better off calling him. If you send him a meme, he might not get it because he’s also not much of an internet person (unless you sent something that’s universally funny, to which he’ll reply “haha :D”). 

Mocchi: The "sup" guy

It’s really much better and easier to talk to him in person or just call. This guy’s phone is almost always dead. He plays lots of mobile games and spends so much time on YouTube, then forgets to charge his phone. When he does reply, he sounds so lazy: 1-3 words and little-to-no-effort in continuing the conversation at all. You see abbreviated words and no emojis, punctuations and caps. This is not because he doesn’t like you, but it’s because he prefers to talk to people face-to-face. 

Mucho: The plain "Hi" guy

Sounds way too serious in text. He’s not one for perfect grammar and punctuations in text, but you still feel his seriousness. Another slow replyer—barely on his phone because he actually touches grass. He prefers to talk through call, but when you do call, make sure it’s really important or you’d hear a deep sigh on the other end before he says goodbye and hangs up. Would likezone you just like Ran because these two are boomers deep down. Leaves people on read if he thinks the message is not worth replying to. 

[moronicromantic]

Someone asked for a post on punctuation months ago. I haven’t gotten to it until now. My apologies. I’m using proper punctuation here because it’s meant to help. Most of this information is just what I remember learning. There are probably more uses for each section, but I can’t describe everything well enough. Keep in mind that this is American English, not British English. British English and American English have different words and rules. I learned English as a second language, yes, but I learned American English. Please be mindful of that as you continue.

Question marks ( ? ) are used to indicate a question. You don’t need a full stop when using a question mark.

Is that my shirt?

Why are you wearing my shirt?

Exclamation marks ( ! ) are used at the end of a sentence to indicate a strong feeling of emotion. They add emphasis to the sentence. You don’t need a full stop when using an exclamation mark.

I can’t believe it!

That’s amazing!

Semicolons ( ; ) can be used as a replacement for a period (full stop) when you have two closely linked independent clauses next to each other. Independent clauses can stand as their own sentences. They don’t necessarily need any extra information to make sense.

Call me tomorrow; you can give me an answer then.

You can also use a semicolon before words like however, but only when they introduce a complete sentence and when you put a comma after.

Bring any two items for the charity event; however, toiletries and shoes are in short supply.

Semicolons are also used when there are commas within a list.

We will be traveling to Rome, Italy; Nice, France; Madrid, Spain; and Berlin, Germany.

Colons ( : ) are not the same as a semicolon. They are explanations of different things. They may introduce a list, an explanation, or a quote. Colons can connect independent clauses with lists and nouns.

Here is what I need: paper, a ruler, paint, and a pen.

If there are two or more complete sentences following a colon, capitalize the beginning of each sentence.

My mom taught me three rules: Be honest. Be vigilant. Never hurt others.

Dashes ( — ) add emphasis, just as many other types of punctuation do. However, they can also change the tone of a sentence. They usually indicate a dramatic pause or an interruption of some sort.

You’re the one, the only one, I want to marry.

You’re the one—the only one—I want to marry.

Dashes can separate unnecessary information from the rest of a sentence.

Maria—my friend from tennis—got married on Wednesday.

Dashes can show an interruption in dialogue.

Eloise screamed, “Help! I need someone to help! My sister is fall—“

Dashes are also used to show a duration of time.

It is from 1:35–6:25.

Hyphens ( - ) bring words together.

They can connect individual words to make different phrases.

State-of-the-art.

Off-campus.

Hyphens can help to make new words, like original compound verbs.

Video-games.

Hyphens can also be used to connect two last names from different people.

Mary Smith-Johnson.

Arianna Rivera-Hughes.

Quotation marks ( “ “ ) are used most often in dialogue. Capitalize the first word if you have a complete quotation.

Marianna said, “There is nothing more unfortunate than a man who is too blind to see his faults but has eyes perfect for seeing women.”

If you are continuing a sentence, don’t capitalize the quoted material.

Marianna told us that it is “unfortunate” to see a man who is “too blind to see his faults but has eyes perfect for seeing women.”

Parenthesis ( ) are used to enclose clarifying information that isn’t necessary to understand the sentence. Periods go inside parenthesis when the whole sentence is in the parenthesis. Otherwise, the period goes outside.

Please read my research. (You'll be shocked.)

Please read my research (you'll be shocked).

Commas ( , ) can be used to separate a list of things.

We need to buy apples, blueberries, bananas, and strawberries.

I have been to Japan, Taiwan, Italy, and France.

The sentence above is also an example of the Oxford comma. This is the comma used before “and” in lists.

Without the Oxford comma: We need to buy apples, blueberries, bananas and strawberries.

With the Oxford comma: We need to buy apples, blueberries, bananas, and strawberries.

Commas are also used to to separate independent clauses that are joined by any of these conjunctions: and, but, for, or, nor, so, yet.

The performance was over, but the crowd refused to leave.

I spent an hour explaining the equation, yet my brother still didn’t understand.

Commas can also be used to separate nonessential or nonrestrictive clauses from the main clause.

The dog ran down the road, wagging its tail.

My brother, who used to be a teacher, is retiring in May.

Commas are also used to introduce and interrupt dialogue.

Marianne laughed, “I have never seen you so devastated. And for what? This?”

“I don’t understand,” Laura sniffled, “why you have such little empathy.”

[secretsolarsystem]

A SADIE POST ??? ON MY DASH ???? how about drunk au or pen pal au or anything u fuckin want cus i will read it 🫶🫶🫶😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

HEHEHEHE HIIIIII MADISON <3 ILYSM FR U STAY ON MY MIND EVEN THOUGH I'VE BEEN GONE FOR 8 MILLION YEARS FR 🫶

the way I haven't been able to write a single word in MONTHS without immediately deleting it. and I just cranked this out. the power of Madison fr.

nooooo spoilers but I have a pen pal au outlined that I wanna write for the holidaysssssss AHHH so pls enjoy this drunk au <3

1.9k, modern au, changed their ages so Anakin’s 18 and Obi-Wan’s 21, under-age drunkeness, I’ll say dub-con just incase since Anakin isn’t sober but not much happens really everyone's okay, kindaaaa mature but again. not much happens really, Obi-Wan’s going through it typical college student style. it gets a little moree angsty than I intended at the end??? but this story has a happy ending in MY mind but do with it what you will <3

—

Can I Chrom ove

Shit

Can I come coer

Over. Pbi

Obi waaaaann

Obiiiiii wannnn can I comdvr PLEAEE

The string of texts gave the sense that Obi-Wan was taking hours, even minutes to respond. But checking the time stamps, they’d all been sent in the span of a minute. All of them had been sent at 1:38 in the morning.

Obi-Wan had already been awake, working on a grueling essay that he’d finally had a flow on and didn’t want to lose, sleep be damned, so he had the honor of watching these texts as they came in. The first one made him frown, not so much thrown off by the misspelling, but more so by the capitalization. Anakin never capitalized properly when he texted. (It was a point of contention for them that Obi-Wan did, and that he used proper punctuation.

“Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong? What’s wrong? You can just tell me, you know. I thought we were closer than that.”

“Anakin, what in the world are you talking about?”

“Your text. Do you not want to go anymore? Is it because you’re mad at me?”

“I’m so confused, Anakin. Did I not say that meeting at the theater at three sounded, and I quote, ‘good’?”

“Obi-Wan, you said, and I fucking quote, smart ass, ‘Sounds good.’ You wrote ‘sounds good’ with a capital S and a period at the end.”

“…Right. Yes.”

“Obi-Wan, you see why I thought you hated me, right? You see it? Right?”

The conversation went on for a few more minutes, and during the trailers, and during dinner after the movie…)

So, once he saw ‘Can I come coer,’ Obi-Wan knew Anakin was drunk. He watched all the other texts come in, and his smile grew as they did. He didn’t know if his name – at least what he was assuming was supposed to be his name – spelled as ‘Pbi’ or the desperate ‘PLEAEE’ was his favorite, but just to be sure they were forever preserved, Obi-Wan took a quick screenshot.

Just as he was about to respond, Obi-Wan saw the typing bubble pop up from Anakin and waited to see what he would add, when a loud thud came from his window. Obi-Wan’s head whipped around so fast that if adrenaline hadn’t immediately spiked through his body he would probably feel a fierce twinge in his neck.

A moment later, though, he slumped back into his desk chair with a heavy sigh and an annoyed shake of his head when he saw Anakin on the other side of the window, head pressed against the glass and dark blue eyes looking in, searching for Obi-Wan. Since Obi-Wan still had lights on, Anakin was probably looking mostly at his own reflection, but his drunken mind didn’t care.

Obi-Wan walked over and tapped the window, feeling slightly bad about having to scare Anakin, but Anakin had just scared the shit out of him and it got him to take his head off the window, so he only felt slightly kind of sort of bad about it.

He opened the window, and greeted Anakin’s slurred, “Obi-Waaaaaan!” with a shush and out-stretched hands. “Come on, come inside,” he said, helping Anakin’s long limbs climb in through the window. When Anakin finally made it in, despite Obi-Wan’s help, he fell into a heap on Obi-Wan’s floor, squealing while Obi-Wan cursed. “Why didn’t you just knock on the door, Anakin?”

“B’cus,” Anakin said, accepting Obi-Wan’s help to right himself, sitting on the floor now with his back against the wall under the window. “Gotta sneak. Mom’ll kill me.”

Obi-Wan sighed, shaking his head, though now he wore a fond smile. He could never be mad at Anakin for long. They’d known each other for four years now, ever since Anakin was a high school freshman and Obi-Wan had been a junior, and they’d surely fought during all those years, but the anger never lasted for long – if it was ever there to begin with. If he took the time to really consider it, Obi-Wan couldn’t remember a time that he was actually mad at Anakin.

(Maybe that one time he dated that girl from their school’s student government, but Obi-Wan never took the time to really consider that. That was over and done, anyways.)

“Your mom’s not here though. Were you trying to go home?” Obi-Wan asked. His essay flow left the second Anakin thunked his head against his window, so Obi-Wan figured he could take Anakin home and just go to bed.

“No,” Anakin said emphatically, looking at Obi-Wan as though he’d just asked Anakin if wanted to go sky diving into an active volcano. “She’ll kill me, Obi. I gotta stay here. Can I stay here? Please, Obi, she’ll kill me, kill me ’til I’m, like…dead.”

Obi-Wan smiled again, both at Anakin’s rambling and the memory of his ‘PLEAEE’ text. “Of course you can. Let’s get you up on the bed.”

Anakin sighed with unfathomable relief, even as he groaned at Obi-Wan moving him up and off the floor. Once he sat heavily onto the mattress, Anakin immediately fell back onto the pillows with another happy sigh.

“Thank you, Obi. The best. Obi the best, you’re the best. M’sorry I woke you up,” Anakin said, sinking into Obi-Wan’s pillows.

Obi-Wan walked over to his desk, saving and closing his essay and shutting his laptop. “I was already up, don’t worry about it,” Obi-Wan assured, turning off his desk lamp and walking back over to sit on the edge of his bed.

Although it was a struggle, Anakin propped himself up, frowning at Obi-Wan. “Why? S’late. You talkin’ to someone, Obi? Someone pretty?” he interrogated, though it was hard to take seriously, considering how he struggled not to sway back into the pillows and to keep his face looking serious.

Obi-Wan laughed. “Oh yeah, talking to all the hot authorities on the history of banned literature,” Obi-Wan said, wiggling his eyebrows. He knew in Anakin’s drunken state he’d miss the fact that Obi-Wan was referring his research paper, so he moved on. “Why are you here right now, Anakin? Have you been drinking with someone pretty?” He ignored the ugly feeling he got in his stomach at his own joke, and maintained his smile.

Anakin huffed out a breath of air and stopped himself from falling back again. “Graduation,” was the explanation Anakin gave. Obi-Wan understood, though, of course. While Obi-Wan was scrambling to finish his assignments and be done with his junior year of college, Anakin and his friends were getting ready for their high school graduation coming up. Obi-Wan couldn’t wait to watch Anakin walk across that stage, his bright smile beaming and surely putting on a show for his friends in the crowd. At Obi-Wan’s own high school graduation, Anakin whooped and hollered so loud during Obi-Wan’s entire walk Obi-Wan couldn’t help but smile and shake his head at him in the stands. Obi-Wan probably wouldn’t be quite as loud, but he couldn’t wait to cheer on Anakin.

It was bittersweet, though, because Anakin was going out of state for college. Even if he’d gone to Obi-Wan’s university, they’d only have a year together, but even then they could hang out after Obi-Wan graduated. Now, it was going to be at least four years until they’d see each other again outside of holidays – that is, if Anakin decided to come back home after he graduated, and that was anything but guaranteed.

Obi-Wan didn’t know how Shmi was handling it; Obi-Wan was a wreck. But he only let his genuine pride and excitement show, because he’d never forgive himself if Anakin let such an amazing opportunity slip away because his friend Obi-Wan was sad.

“Are all of you excited?” Obi-Wan asked, and was surprised when Anakin struggled to push himself up and forward to press into Obi-Wan’s side, his head dropping heavily to Obi-Wan’s shoulder. “Anakin?”

“M’nervous,” Anakin mumbled into Obi-Wan’s shirt. “Gonna be so far. From home. Mom. You.” Anakin lifted his head to say the last word, so it was breathed right onto Obi-Wan’s neck. “Gonna miss you, Obi. Came here ‘cause I knew you’d take care of me. Always take care of me,” Anakin rambled on, running a hand across Obi-Wan’s stomach to hold him in a loose hug.

“You’re gonna be fine, Anakin,” Obi-Wan made himself say, heart and mind racing at Anakin’s words and touch. Of course Obi-Wan had always felt so strongly for Anakin – of course he did. Anakin was smart and funny and brave and beautiful. Of course Obi-Wan loved him, but they were best friends. Always just Anakin and Obi-Wan. And Obi-Wan told himself he was content with that, because it let him keep Anakin and let let him be kept by Anakin, in some sense.

“But who’s gonna take care of me, Obi-Wan?” Anakin breathed against Obi-Wan’s skin. He was somehow closer now, so each word brushed his lips against the skin of Obi-Wan’s neck. He trailed his hand down before Obi-Wan’s brain could comprehend what was going on, and was suddenly palming Obi-Wan’s cock, which Obi-Wan realized just in that moment that he was half hard. Obi-Wan sucked in a breath, and Anakin’s movements continued, rubbing Obi-Wan’s cock, both of them feeling it get harder and harder in his jeans.

“Who’s gonna take care of you?” Anakin panted, craning his neck to press a sloppy kiss to the corner of Obi-Wan’s mouth. Obi-Wan turned his head towards him without thinking, just acting purely though shock, turning to look at him with big eyes and question on his lips, but Anakin was quick to lick it away and try to kiss him again.

“Anakin, you’re drunk,” Obi-Wan said, breathless, every single nerve alight and every single muscle tense.

“Mhm,” Anakin agreed, his kiss doing nothing but making Obi-Wan’s face wet.

“So we have to stop,” Obi-Wan tried.

“Nooooo,” Anakin whined, not stoping any of his actions, speaking right up against Obi-Wan’s face. “Just…Oh! Get drunk! Yeah, get drunk, Obi, so you can kiss me.”

Anakin’s fingers moved to the button of Obi-Wan’s jeans, fumbling there as he continued to press his lips to Obi-Wan’s in an attempt of a kiss. Obi-Wan’s hand finally came up to grab Anakin’s to stop him; he’d been dying for this to happen, but this was all wrong. It wasn’t anything like Obi-Wan had hoped, like he’d imagined, and he didn’t want this to be ruined for either of them.

He grabbed Anakin’s hand, and it stopped, easily. He turned his head away, and Anakin let him, easily. And Obi-Wan waited for Anakin to sit back and do something – laugh, cry, yell, ramble, shrug, vomit, anything – but Anakin simply slumped his entire weight into Obi-Wan. A ball of pure anxiety now, Obi-Wan waited without even breathing, and heard as soft snores started coming from Anakin.

Obi-Wan couldn’t even help it; he laughed. Anakin had just – just, what, confessed? And then kissed Obi-Wan and groped Obi-Wan’s hard dick, and then proceeded to fall asleep on top of Obi-Wan, his head on his shoulder and his hand still on his crotch.

Shaking his head out of fondness and incredulity, Obi-Wan moved Anakin to lay down on the bed, and he went, easily. He fell back onto the pillows and kept snoring, his sleep anything but disturbed. Obi-Wan took a moment to look at Anakin, to appreciate the way his lashes laid on his alcohol-flushed cheeks and the part of his lips and his curls falling around him like a halo.

Obi-Wan took this in, smiled, and went back to his desk. He opened up his laptop, opening his essay. His flow was still gone, but he needed to do something, anything except think about what the fuck had just happened.

from this prompt list prompted fic collection on ao3

[billconrad]

Is Proper English Still necessary?

When I was a young pup, all the students immediately grasped reading and writing. It looked so easy, but I struggled despite trying my best. Things began changing in the ninth grade, and I started making peace with grammar, spelling, and writing.

    Why was mastering the English language so important? English? They ripped off the word from the name of a country. Lame. The answer is that we no longer solely depend on verbal words to communicate in our modern society. Instead, we write concepts on paper, enter them into a computer, or print them on a printing press. Written words have become the primary means of communication, information, computation, and understanding. Thus, it is necessary to have an agreed-upon format, and education forces students to follow these rules.

    And the result is fantastic. “Today, I ate a red apple for breakfast.” There is no ambiguity in that sentence. Every single reader 100% understood exactly what information I intended to convey. And what a great sentence! Did you notice the capital letter at the beginning and the period at the end? How helpful! And that coma? Readers know exactly when to pause while speaking. Genius!

    Professionals, employers, teachers, and readers expect/demand good sentence structure to work, communicate, understand, research, record, archive, share, debate, and absorb the content. Even if all the meaning is present, a poorly written sentence trips up the system because readers get confused. Sometimes, the error can be so bad that the confusion can only be resolved by contacting the author.

    Finally, a well-written document is so much more impressive. It stands out as the mark of a true professional, and they can be proud of their creation. Proper documents power our modern world and prepare us for a fantastic future.

    Well, it seems like I have summed things up neatly. Spelling, punctuation, and grammar are all essential for a functioning society. Nothing more to say. Yet… Some cracks are forming. Let’s start with the with our “solid foundation.” What is the standard set of rules for the English language? That’s easy. The Chicago Manual of Style. Obviously!

    Umm, how many kids/adults even know about this book? Did the teacher bring it out in your first-grade class? No. Why not? Oh, it is too complex for kids. Now, hold on. Remember going to Sunday school as a kid to learn about religion? Yup, on the first day, some religious person tossed a Bible/Torah/Koran right at you, and you spent the next 10-100 years trying to figure out the meaning.

    Have you read the Chicago Manual of Style? What a confusing mess! But it is perfect, right? Umm. Why is it on the seventeenth edition? Hmm, it sounds like the manual needed improving. And who decided the Chicago Manual of Style was the master default source? I never even heard of the thing until I was 50.

    It used to be that when you bought a car, you jumped in and drove off. The Lexus we purchased five years ago has FIVE manuals. The owner’s manual is 907 pages, and the entertainment/navigation system is 416 pages. Is it necessary to read all that? If you want to understand how to navigate, it sure is.

According to Toner Buzz:

Each year, 500,000 to 1 million new books come out.

Including self-published authors, the count reaches close to 4 million new book titles each year.

In 2021, there were about 2.3 million new self-published books in the US, marking a decline compared to the preceding two years.

Plus there is internet information, prior published books, newspapers, magazines, textbooks, journals, letters, and advertisements. They even have entire buildings filled with books, called libraries. What is a library? Dang, you will have to go to the library, to get a dictionary to look up that word.

    It is all too much, and something must give. Quality. Yes, the effort we put into writing quality has begun to slip. Now, English errors are more common and get less attention.

    Speaking of introducing errors, we now have a new player. Yes, Artificial Intelligence is now in the typeset seat. Yay! Need to create a 1000-word report about George Washington? ChatGPT: Create a 1000-word report about the life and history of George Washington. Done! And the result will read well. Very well! But… ChatGPT is not a person. It makes weird mistakes, gets repetitive, confusing, wordy, and produces incorrect results. But the grammar/spelling and punctuation is fantastic. Right?

    ChatGPT created sentences that look good with a quick review, but I see flaws when I study sentence structure. (Note: I do not use ChatGPT for writing. I do use it for a story idea sounding board.) The funny thing is that ChatGPT is getting worse. It blabbers on about nonsense and gets into strange side tangents. I have spotted two glaring spelling mistakes.

    We have another problem: Spell/grammar checkers. Wow, they have changed my life. I love Grammarly, ProWritingAid, Thesarus.com, Dictonary.com, Wikipedia, and random name generators. Astounding! And I can even hire a ghostwriter, beta reader, or copy editor. They charge by the word. Just like Uber charges by the mile!

    What happens when these incredible resources disagree? All those tools are synchronized to the latest edition of The Chicago Manual of Style, The Modern Language Association of America handbook, and the Oxford Dictionary. Right? They are not? What? How can that be? They do their own thing because nobody can agree upon the rules. Know what is worse? Besides America, other countries speak English, and their rules differ.

    Plus, there is a new player: social media and streaming sites. We used to get all our essential information from written sources like textbooks, manuals, guides, reference books, or data sheets. Let’s say I want to remove the engine from my car. I used to go to the library and check out one or more books on automotive repair. Then, I would search for the chapter on engine removal and follow the steps. The manual will include important cautions, tips, warnings, and pictures/diagrams.

    Now, I search YouTube for “engine removal” and then watch the informative video. If I do not like the video, I click on another. What is the problem? YouTube viewers will listen to a person naturally speaking without a script, and there will be many grammatical errors. This means that hearing verbal errors is becoming more acceptable, which translates to writing errors being more acceptable.

    Now for the most significant attack on the English language. Kids text all day and night. Punctuation is actively frowned upon, and kids intentionally misspell words. Teachers are completely overwhelmed, and they have another problem.

    Popular social agendas have ruined the education system, and politicians are introducing programs without trials or public input. For example, my daughter graduated from a high school with the “No Child Left Behind” program. Wow, that sounds impressive.

    What did this program replace? They used to have an Advanced Placement class for the smart kids, a regular class, and a class to help the struggling kids. Now, they throw them together with the idea that the smart kids will help struggling kids.

    Result? Group tests, projects, and homework. My daughter was placed with three average kids and two struggles. So, she would do the work while the others play on their phones. Even when she asks for their input, they refuse to help. A+ for everyone! What does this mean? This means that chimps learning sign language get a better education than five out of six kids.

    It gets worse. Because the administrators at her high school spent all their money on giving themselves raises, they must cheap out as much as possible. So, they use open-source (free) software instead of industry-standard programs. Do companies use open-source programs? No, because they must administer their employees, open-source programs are nearly impossible to control, secure, or maintain.

    Now, I must pivot. I got my latest book back from my copy editor and have been reviewing the edits. My guy is fantastic and uncovered so many errors I never would have spotted. Wonderful!

    Well, I found a significant error that the copy editor missed. See if you can spot it. This is a dialog between two characters:

“I try.”

“Stop being so modest and take the compliment,” Kim chided,

“Alright.”

    I ended a sentence with a comma and not a period. This mistake is easy to miss because a comma and a period look similar. Side note: Grammarly, Microsoft Word, and ProWritingAid also missed it. Boo!

    This error is big enough for a bus to drive through. And I was even more upset because I caught the mistake after reviewing the document several times. But then I thought about the reality of the situation. Was my mistake that bad?

    I see spelling mistakes on massive billboards, gobbledygook from bestselling authors, and text messages that are so bad that I cannot make heads or tails of them. My comma mix-up was a minor boo-boo—no big deal.

    Yet, I remained angry. “I should have caught this! My editor should have caught this! Hey, you messed up, Grammarly, Microsoft Word, and ProWritingAid!”

    Am I writing this article to give myself a pass? No, quite the opposite. Today, there are more tools than ever to correct English flaws. Plus, the internet provides a vast resource for properly learning English, and the rules are better documented than ever. So, there is no excuse for improper English.

    Yet… Have you read a book review lately? I often see comments like: “Needed editing.” “I spotted six spelling errors in the first chapter.” “Did a sixth grader write this?” “They used ChatGPT to write the entire book.”

    And there is a final smack in the face. It has taken me a lifetime of struggling to attain basic English skills. Now that I can appreciate finely crafted sentences (I love you, Neil Gaiman!!!), everything has turned to junk.

    My question remains. How upset should I be by my comma mistake? So many people discourage proper English, and a well-written sentence looks out of place. My answer is that I will try my best, but this feels like a battle where I am the only one who cares about the outcome.

    You’re the best -Bill

    September 11, 2024

   Hey, book lovers, I published four. Please check them out:

  Interviewing Immortality. A dramatic first-person psychological thriller that weaves a tale of intrigue, suspense, and self-confrontation.

   Pushed to the Edge of Survival. A drama, romance, and science fiction story about two unlikely people surviving a shipwreck and living with the consequences.

   Cable Ties. A slow-burn political thriller that reflects the realities of modern intelligence, law enforcement, department cooperation, and international politics.

   Saving Immortality. Continuing in the first-person psychological thriller genre, James Kimble searches for his former captor to answer his life’s questions.

   These books are available in softcover on Amazon and in eBook format everywhere.

[nagipops]

KONOHA ELEVEN IN A ZOOM CLASS!

FEATURING: naruto, sakura, shikamaru, ino, choji, hinata, kiba, shino, neji, rock lee, and tenten

WARNINGS: mentions of food

NARUTO

definitely has forgotten that he was unmuted multiple times

or his camera was accidentally turned on

you could just see him sprawled on his bed with a bowl of instant ramen on his lap and a blanket wrapped around himself

EARRAPE SLURPS!! rip headphone users.

sometimes he notices that his camera’s turned on and you can see him freak out and scramble to turn it off

but he accidentally unmutes himself too and so you just hear panicked yelling

his device topples to the floor with a loud crash and he screams so loud istg

the next thing you see is naruto’s face hovering over the camera in fear just before his camera turns off and he’s muted again

the teacher is so confused?? naruto should i call an ambulance

but when he’s not eating in class, he’s sleeping in class

too busy sleeping to leave the zoom at the end of class so he’s always the last one left in the meeting besides the teacher

always asks sakura what happened during the zoom and she is FED UP

SAKURA

enters the waiting room 15 minutes before class is actually supposed to begin

spends the next 15 minutes rearranging her work area, making sure she’s prepared for the day

sits properly at her desk with her hair smoothed down and her face positioned perfectly in frame

if no one else has their camera on, she’s the only one with it on

seriously, she ALWAYS HAS IT ON

and she never leaves the screen somehow

diligently takes notes, uses the “raise hand” feature every two minutes to ask a question

sometimes it can get a bit annoying, even for the teacher

but she almost always gets perfect marks

acts like in angel in class, but after class... no promises, naruto!

SHIKAMARU

this man can barely stay awake during missions, so during a zoom? HECK NAH

shikamaru is literally me,, half asleep during lessons but somehow gets amazing grades

everyone’s either pissed at or envious of him (especially naruto)

obviously does not have his camera on

and rarely ever unmutes

uses the chat feature to answer the teacher’s questions but this man is basically asleep so its so incoherent

“shikamaru, what is a hyperbole?”

in chat: “a hyeprbole is a exsaggerayed phras,e”

teacher definitely thinks he’s cheating on tests

INO

either a) daydreaming about boys or b) checking herself out in the zoom camera OR c) secretly fuming at sakura’s know-it-all behavior

the two girls definitely compete to see who can raise their virtual hand first

"ahem, ahem- sensei? could i answer this question?"

her voice gets all sickly sweet and sakura HATES IT

the two of them totally got caught insulting each other in the private chat

100% the type of student to rewrite her notes after classes with various markers and colored pens and pretty fonts and patterns and whatnot

loves doodling flowers in her notebook during boring lessons!

CHOJI

another strong contender for the Loudest Student award!

not on purpose though, he just forgets that space bar = unmute, and plays some jumping game in another tab (like the no internet dino game!)

also,, rip headphone users

c r o n c h munch munch munch

are you kidding this man's chews are loud enough in person, but with a HEADSET?! hoo boy.

has conked out several times during class

just imagine the name Choji Akimichi with a profile picture of a bag of chips light up with the green box around it with a thunk

the teacher and class is so confused

but then you hear mumbles of "barbeque... chips... barbeque..."

and you realize that the man fell asleep onto his keyboard

he sleeps through the rest of class

HINATA

shy bb has never ONCE turned on her camera

the only time she's ever unmuted was to say "here" during attendance on the first day of school

if the teacher ever takes attendance again, she just uses the raise hand feature

what if naruto-kun thinks my voice is ugly? what if i accidentally turn on my camera? what if the teacher thinks i'm not paying attention? what if-

poor baby is too busy worrying about showing herself on zoom to actually pay attention

actually gets good grades though and her classmates wonder if she’s even there

her zoom pfp is definitely just a purple google “H”

KIBA

has the CUTEST zoom pfp hands down

it’s a selfie of him grinning cheerily with baby akamaru

100% has his camera on the whole time to show off his pup

he loves seeing everyone’s faces on screen melt and aww at the lil big doggo

sometimes akamaru just walks in front of the camera and blocks kiba from view and you just see a massive wall of white fur on screen LMAO

even though kiba’s muted, you can see him and akamaru bickering about who knows what

or even play fighting,, these two get into full on BRAWLS during class

just imagine akamaru shoves kiba into his desk and his camera crashes to the ground overturned so you see the ceiling and the occasional dog tail wagging in the corner

seriously, can the teacher ever catch a break with this class?

the answer is no.

SHINO

his zoom pfp is just a tick.

a singular tick

totally answers questions in chat with proper capitalization and punctuation

shikamaru’s improper answers tick him off

“A hyperbole is an expression that is greatly exaggerated. They are used in order to create emphasis.”

has never unmuted in his life either

he’s so unfazed by everything that goes down in class that it’s funny

if anything the slightest bit RELATED to bugs comes up during class, in 0.00238 seconds this man has an entire essay about them posted in chat, almost like he had it copied and READY to paste

everyone's definitely shocked that there’s actually a human listening behind a tick profile picture

NEJI

a very diligent note taker

seriously, this man writes like a printer; perfectly even handwriting that looks like a font, a million words per minute

everyone asks him for his notes after the zoom because they’re so neat (especially naruto, to neji’s dismay)

he gets excellent grades since he’s so organized and focused

just wishes the zoom would be over so he can work alone in peace

really hates unmuting so he often gives one-word answers in the chat

“Yes” “47” “Present” “Goodbye”

has used a zoom reaction ONCE in his life and he has never wanted to crawl into a hole and perish more

it was a complete accident,, mans was just trying to open the chat to type in his answer, but in a cruel twist of fate he clicked on the 😂 reaction

and he just sat there for ten excruciating seconds in complete and utter shock and shame for ten excruciating seconds as he prayed for it to disappear

tenten would never let him live that down

ROCK LEE

Zoom Reaction Enthusiast

😂😮���🎉❤️ 24/7

naruto accidentally unmutes himself? 😮

choji falls asleep on his keyboard? 😂

neji answers something correctly? 👍

tenten received the highest score in class? 🎉

akamaru appears on screen? ❤️

unmutes whenever he needs to, but he thinks the little emoticons are so silly and cute

otherwise, he is EXTRA FOCUSED and EXTREMELY DETERMINED to learn all of the things

he’s the first to unmute whenever the teacher asks if the class can see the screen share, hear them correctly, etc.

never takes his eyes off the screen!! he could be missing out on important information

I FEEL LIKE,, i feel like he would totally keep his camera off when he’s muted but whenever he unmutes he would also turn his camera on

so when he says a quick “yes!” his camera turns on but before his camera can adjust properly to the light he mutes and turns his camera back off so his face is just super dark for a split second LMAOOO

tell me im wrong

TENTEN

exasperated by this entire class

thinks her and neji are the only sane ones in the class and it’s true

wants to tell sakura and ino to stop competing and just focus on learning, since they’re the only other girls in the class besides hinata

plus she’s just fed up with all the lazy boys

takes great pride in passing every assignment, test, or exam with flying colors

teachers pet, but the quieter type who stays after every zoom and sends lots of emails regarding assignments and grades and whatnot (unlike sakura and ino who rub it in the teacher’s face)

doesn’t like helping other people besides neji, girl’s got a soft spot for him since they have a mutual respect for each other

but if you’re a handsome prince, maybe she’ll help you out!

if you enjoyed this post, likes and reblogs are much appreciated :) feel free to request here, and make sure to read the rules first! have a lovely day everyone <3

[fandom-monium]

I JUST READ KITCHEN CATASTROPHES OMG ITS SOOO CUTE UGH MY HEART SO SOFT CAN YOU PLSSS DO A PART 2? THANK YOU KEEP DOING WHAT YOU DO

AN: thank you, anon! i dont plan to make a sequel to KC. But if i did:

For Valentine’s Day

Summary: In which you throw a wrench in Spencer’s plans: you don’t like Valentine’s Day. “If it’s with you, I guess it’s not so bad.”

WC: 2.9k (whoops)

Tags/Warnings: Spencer Reid x GN!Reader, fluff, cussing, semi anti-valentines day, Spencer tears up but dont worry were there to fix that, established relationships (blegh), Garvez if you squint, post-For the Holidays

Fuck cooking, Spencer thinks one day.

It's an irrational thought. The kind that strikes through his mind in a flash of irritation like a scrape of the knee as he is perusing the internet. Yes, he is using a computer willingly. He has to because he's desperate.

Cooking is stupid. Who really needs it, right?

…

He needs it. God, he needs it so bad.

His need to learn cooking wasn't as incessant until recently. Until you came along.

Spencer is a meticulous person and a romantic if you'd ever met one. Makes sense considering how he grew up, reading the classics and all that. He's read all the gooey literary shit old people write and while he never understood those meanings it all dawned on him one day. Quotes written like 'the stars in their eyes' and 'sunshine glowing off them like a halo', suddenly makes sense once he meets you. Or at least, after coming to know you, months into your newfound friendship.

It's because of this he plans accordingly the weeks leading up to Valentine's day! Because again he's meticulous and a romantic and a genius so he plans every step and makes a back up plan in case A, B, and C fall through.

Is he going overboard? 

… Nah. No way. Not when it comes to you.

But fuck with a capital F, man.

It's your third date. Or what is supposed to be your third date if you would just stop being you for a second.

Then again, he loves you a lot and he wouldn't love you if you weren't, well, you.

Although—pardon his french—what the fuck. 

Spencer knows he needs to learn to cook. You've tried plenty of times to teach him and he loves learning and he especially loves it when you are the teacher (wait, does he have a teacher/student fantasy? Maybe. That’s something he'll look into later. Preferably with you). 

Unfortunately, he's terrible at it.

He's made progress and he knows it's true because you said so but the miniscule progress he's made is. Not. Enough. And it's all your fault! Because he gets so distracted by you during your lessons, like when you put your hands over his to show him proper slicing techniques—holy fuck, he wanted to combust right there—or just watching your deft hands at work, lips and brow scrunched in concentration in that adorable way. And you smell like cooking oil or whatever you're making and you're hot.

He's so into you it physically hurts. Ugh. How is he so lucky? 

You're also the first person he's been this into since Maeve. And everyone knows how well that turned out.

So he tries to dial it down for Valentine’s Day. Morgan told him once he tends to throw himself into everything he does, including love. And when you two got together, he promised the universe he will not fuck this up. He ends up combining Morgan’s advice with Luke’s, trying to be casual like Luke says because apparently you're just as into him as he is of you. 

The thought makes him grin uncontrollably. Luke says it makes him look like a clown but a lovesick clown. A lovefool, Luke hehs.

Spencer doesn’t get the joke, but it does nothing to deter him.

As Luke advised, Spencer does “not” make a dozen back up plans and does “not" plan weeks in advance. Because that wouldn't be casual, would it?

But now the day’s come and as Valentine’s Day turns to Valentine’s Night, Spencer wants to pull his hair, rub his frustratedly stinging eyes but he can't because he's in the middle of work, in the middle of the bullpen, in the middle of his desk and he refuses to be that guy. Not again.

Why does he feel like sobbing? Like a loser? 

Because you don't like Valentine’s Day. No, you abhor it.

It happens in the middle of the work day. It's like he tried to open a door only for a bucket of ice water to be dumped on him and now he looks like a drowned rat. He definitely feels like one.

You're talking with Garcia about her Valentine’s Day plans as you multitask, switching between putting together packets and stacking them aside. Then taking them under the hole-puncher and stapling them together because the BAU isn't all kicking down doors and catching freaks. 

It makes sense that you’re chatting with Garcia during your break. The two of you have become two peas in a pod after you came out of your shell. Now you're inseparable. Only you make Garcia leave her batcave as much as she does now.

Out of sight, he catches tidbits of your conversation when he hears distinctively: Fuck Valentine’s Day.

Okay, you didn't say that verbatim but you might as well have, grimacing as you three hole-punch a packet and his heart. Then a nail on his coffin only it’s with a stapler. 

Thump. Chick.

Spencer winces; there goes your his Valentine’s Day plans. 

It shouldn't sting as much as it does. You've been dating for over a month and Valentine’s Day is definitely not his favorite holiday either. It's not even top 3. And as you rant he can’t help but silently nod in agreement, all the facts straight: yes, it's an eyesore. Yes, it's a capitalistic holiday. Yes, people should do nice things for their significant others no matter the time and not because it's expected on a specific day. Yes, it doesn't compare to Halloween—

The thing is, you two aren't that “couple-y”, at least in a traditional sense. Not like Will and JJ who got a babysitter so they could go out or like Luke and Garcia as they plan to go to a special Valentine’s Day event she wants to check out (she vehemently denies anything going on between them but he doesn't need to be a genius to see the affection they have for one another. Just kiss already, damn).

So yeah, Spencer hoped to spend the romantic holiday with you. For once, he'd have Valentine’s Day plans, aside from exchanging cards with the team and his mother.

But apparently you hate Valentine’s Day! So there goes plan A, B, C, and D!

Spencer feels the tears spring at the corner of his eyes. He sniffs as subtly as he can, raising an open case file to his face. Of all the plans he hadn't thought through this was not one of them. IQ 187, his ass.

He should've known. Or at least ask your thoughts on Valentine’s Day. That was inconsiderate on his part. He blinks back tears, withdrawing into himself despite his hurt because he is a lovefool and only for you. He just wants to impress you, make you happy even if that means canceling your first Valentine’s Day together.

Now if you'll excuse him, he has to call off a few reservations and make some returns. Several actually.

Can you return a dozen donuts in the shape of hearts?

… Yeah, he better ask Emily for the rest of the day off.

—

"Hey Newb, have you seen Spencer? I haven't seen him since his break," You ask, resting your chin in your hand as you squint at another form. Your eyes are beginning to tire. 

Spencer asked you several times over the course of the last week, checking to see if you were free today. You are, so you planned to hang with him after work, but he hasn't returned from his break and he wasn't answering your calls or texts. Not unusual but still odd for your boyfriend (you still can’t believe you get to say that).

Luke sighs, his smooth voice reaching over your shared divider, "You know at some point I'm just not going to respond. You guys can’t call me Newbie forever."

"Keep telling yourself that," You snort without looking up.

Another sigh and you smirk: you win.

"For your information," Luke grumbles, words punctuated with sass, "Doc went home."

You pause. "Home?" He didn't tell you.

"Yeah, probably to get ready for your date."

"Our date?" You frown and stand up, leaning over the divider to see if Luke’s fucking with you.

He isn't. Luke shrugs, humming wistfully as he rests his cheek in his hand, "You should've seen how excited he was, being it your first Valentine's Day and all. I told him to chill out because you'll love whatever it is no matter what but I'm sure he ignored that and planned something spectacular for you guys." Sitting back, he twirls around in his chair.

You grimace, recalling your earlier conversation with Garcia. 

Shit.

"Meanwhile, I have to spend Galentine's Day with Garcia because all the ladies of the BAU are taken and I have nothing better to do—" Luke comes to a full 720, catching the tail end of your coat as you whip it on and make for the door. "—um, excuse you?"

"If Emily asks, I had an emergency!" You manage to call back, throwing open the glass door.

"Okay?"

"Thanks, Newb!"

As the elevator door dings shut with you inside, leg jumping because you have a sneaking suspicion you fucked up, Luke slouches in his chair and grumbles.

He's not a newb. Or a newbie.

—

You rush over to Spencer's, catching your breath as you stumble to his front door. There's shuffling from inside, the faint sound of clanking and crashing and your heart swells because this is the man you’ve fallen for, the first one you've ever felt this way for. Here he is, being all considerate and romantic. And here you are, fucking it up when your relationship’s barely even started.

God, you're an asshole, you berate yourself as you turn the doorknob and push open the door. You're an asshole you're an asshole you’re an asshole—

Then your eyes widen and your jaw goes slack. 

Immediately, you slap a hand over your mouth and nose as your favorite scented candles hit you like someone shoved a bouquet in your face. The description isn't too far off considering there's a lovely bouquet of your favorite flowers still in its wrapping, haphazardly set next to a dozen donuts on the coffee table like no one's business. Its petals are strewn across the floor, a few in tiny piles like they were hastily swept to the side. Red and pink and dark green fill your vision.

Who gutted Cupid and tossed his organs around, holy fu-

"(Your name)?"

Startled, you crane your head to find Spencer, beautiful hair askew and his tie hanging loosely around his neck. His sleeves are pushed up to his elbows as he clutches flowers to his chest. In his other hand, he grips the colored strings of several shiny red and pink balloons in the shape of hearts and—fuck—your heart might actually float up from your chest and into your eyes.

This is your man. Your partner. Your boyfriend.

Your boyfriend panics, fumbling for a second before stuffing the balloons and trimmed flowers back into the room behind him and slamming the door shut. He turns back to you, eyes wide.

"What-what are you doing here?" Spencer stammers, wringing his hands together.

You blink at him, dumbly holding up your phone. "You-uh-you left early and didn't return my calls."

"I'm sorry. I think I left my phone at work," Probably because he left in such a rush, Spencer groans, looking anywhere but you. The petals scattered over his floor are quite pretty in this light. "And I was a bit busy."

"I'm sure you were," You gawk openly at the strings of fairy lights hung around his living room. It's a clash of aesthetics. Spencer always rocked dark academia, but despite how ugly the combination of red and pink decorations with his nature green walls and dark wood is, it leaves his apartment a little brighter, a little cozier, and you love it.

You love everything about this.

But as you take in the ugly beauty of it all, Spencer fidgets at the doorway, mistaking your awe as shock and disgust. Wiping sweaty palms on his trousers, his eyes dart around, trying to focus on something, but every place he lays his eyes on makes him cringe. He catches all the things he couldn't clean up or put away in time. No doubt you do too. All the leftover flower petals, the donuts he can’t return, candles that haven’t blown out because he has the lungs of an 8-year old asthmatic. 

Spencer can't imagine how appalled you are.

And the longer your silence stretches on, the more nervous he gets so he blurts out, "I'm so sorry, (Your Name)!"

Your brow shoots up as he begins to ramble.

"You must hate this. I'll put everything away."

"You really don't have to—" You stop him, and your heart nearly crumbles as Spencer's does when he finally meets your worried gaze. 

His eyes gleam with unshed tears. He swallows, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have—"

"Doc—"

"At least not without asking you—"

"Doctor—"

"I understand if you want to break up—" His voice cracks, as if the idea itself will destroy him (it definitely will). 

"Spencer—" His voice, wobbly and dripping with unnecessary guilt, draws you to him.

"But I want you to know that I—"

With an exasperated sigh, you grab his hand as yours finds the nape of his neck, pulling him into a soft kiss. 

For a second, Spencer doesn't respond because who kisses the person they're about to break up with? Strange, really. But then he kisses you back. His hands remain frozen, unsure of where he stands, but he tilts his head to deepen the kiss. He figures this is a new social cue he has yet to learn. And if this is the last time you kiss him, he'll treasure every second of it, take whatever you'll give him because again he's a lovefool for you. 

And when you pull back, he's too dazed he nearly misses the look you give him. Suddenly, he can’t breathe.

You look at him like he hung the stars instead of cheap fairy lights around his apartment. 

Spencer’s confused. "I-I... Wha—"

"I'm not breaking up with you," You chuckle, and you nearly burst out laughing as genuine puzzlement takes over his face. You tug him behind you, plopping yourselves on his couch. You smile, appreciating the way he organized the cushions and throw-pillows; there's now space for two people to lay down.

You take a breath. "You wanna know why I don't like Valentine’s Day?"

Spencer slouches, though his body is angled towards you so you suppose that's good. He sighs, "Because it's a capitalistic holiday that reinforces the idea of doing the bare minimum…"

He begins listing your reasons, and your eyes soften. Of course he listened and remembered even if you mentioned it offhandedly.

You nod once he finishes. "Yes but before that—and I can't believe I'm telling you this—back when I was a little kid, I didn’t get any Valentines."

Spencer's brow furrows at the newfound information. You continue, "I'd get some from my friends and stuff but that's not what Valentine's Day is about. At least not when you're a kid. When you’re a dumb kid, it’s about couples and romantic shit, and I didn't really have any of that growing up." You purse your lips and glance away, face flushed with embarrassment. It's really not that big a deal, but putting it into words makes the idea seem more intimate and personal.

It takes a moment for your words to sink in as Spencer can't believe his ears. How could you not have been showered with love and affection and presents on Valentines Day? It's like water doesn't make things wet or fire doesn't produce heat; it just doesn't make sense. Because you deserve that much and more.

"So every Valentine's Day, I lowered my expectations and eventually I stopped caring. I'd tell myself those things and I started to believe them," You bite your lip, eyes crinkling as you give Spencer a sheepish smile. "But now I have you."

At that, Spencer returns your smile, letting you take his hand. Any tears he had seem to evaporate instantly.

“So, I'm sorry that I hurt you. I stand by what I said before, Valentine’s Day sucks. But if it’s with you,” Blushing deeply, you play with Spencer's hand, large and veins defined compared to yours, shrugging, “I guess it’s not so bad.”

Spencer’s smile broadens, and he intertwines your fingers together. "So what you’re saying is, you don’t hate this?” He looks around his living room.

You shake your head, unable to stop the grin crossing your lips. “No. In fact, very much the opposite. Honestly, thank you for this, it’s beautiful. I have no words.” You breathe it all in; the candles, the flowers, the— Your nose wrinkles and you snort, “Did you burn something?”

Bashfully looking down, he scratches his chin. “I-uh-tried to make your favorite dishes. Though, I was hoping the candles and flowers would mask it.”

You giggle and pull him into you, snuggling into his side. “That’s okay. I’d much rather have you anyway.”

With Spencer a blushing, stuttering mess in your arms, head resting on your chest, you press a kiss to his hair and conclude; yeah, you don’t like Valentine’s Day. 

But you sure as hell love Spencer more.

—

AN:  FtH status: finished - 7/5. yes 7.

I realize this was not what anon requested but oh well i wrote this at 2 am 

I’m not that anti v day but i stand by the capitalistic aspect.

yes this takes place after For the Holidays.

also included luke bc hes my bro and i honestly think he deserves so much more than what the show gave also garvez ftw

happy post valentine’s day!!

Song: Lovefool by The Cardigans

[sportyclown]

how sawamura, miyuki, yuki, and kuramochi text (friends + s/os)

will most likely do a part 2 with more boys at a later date! these got freakishly long because i am, at my core, a very mad. also might revisit as i get re-familiar with the characters, i just had this idea floating around in my head. also the way these got pro

sawamura eijun

no matter who he texts, it’s always extremely extra. not only does he always give more information than you asked for – ex. if you text him wya? he will give you a play by play of his entire route or something

 he also uses tons of emoticons. and yes I do mean emoticons, baby boy has a flip phone. ifhe does eventually get a smart phone, then this boy overuses tf out of emojis. he’s the sort of person that sees someone use a combination of emojis he likes and then tries to copy them, but uses it completely incorrectly, but its v cute.

if you send him a meme, he will respond with an unnecessary amount of hahas. 

when he’s texting his lil bae, they’re always on his mind so he ofc texts them every thought that comes to his mind! when he sees something that reminds him of you, he won’t hesitate to share it with you. 

if you have been together for a long time, then we will definitely text you words of affirmation and be very honest/blunt about how he feels about you. he’s also always sure to ask you about your day - and he seriously cares. but i still i feel like with a s/o he would prefer facetime to texting just because he likes to see you :)

overall, a very adorable texter and his enthusiasm is just as contagious when texting as it is in person. he’s kind of clueless so he doesn’t pick up on subtext. so be blunt, just like he will be with you~

kuromochi youichi

my bias might be showing here, but I feel like he is one of the most well-adjusted boys in terms of being ready for a serious relationship tbh (at least post-high school). i mean we all saw that he regularly corresponded with wakana wish that were me lmao

i think he would most often use proper capitalization, but not to the point where he uses a period after every text

would send his friends news articles about his favorite fighting games where u like gaming or not

a meme fiend in general. the sort of person who uses reaction images of people he knows. (if you’re dating, he would still have a stash of funny pics/screenshots of you on ft, but he’d ofc only use them with you <3). his convos with his friends are rarely serious

 i don’t think he’d be the type to text haha out loud, but he does use LOL on occasion. with close friends/his lil bae he might send a voice memo of him laughing hysterically if you send him something REALLY funny. ugh my annoying king <3

unlike eijun he’s the king of being perceptive / picking up subtext. 

similarly, i do think he’s pretty reliable, but for friends i feel like he might make a lil bit of a stink lmao. like lets say a friend wants him to pick something up for them, he might play like he won’t do it then miraculously shows up with the requested item. its giving tsundere vibes on the low.

with his partner: i feel like he would use emojis when he’s trying to be ~cute~. i think with a established partner he’d be pretty flirty still but he’s v much whipped for his partner so its way more mushy than it would be early in the relationship.

yes your name has hearts/stars in his phone. mans is a SAP for you

his love language is more quality time imo, so I think he values time spent with you over texting time. so a lot of your texts might be asking you to come over to hang out / get a meal or vice versa

like eijun he wants to hear about YOU, and is very supportive and good at advice when he wants to be. he can be goofy but this is how he shows you he cares/sees you as more than a friend

he’s a blushy/shy boy with his s/o esp early in the relationship, so he might be hesitant or nervous to say “i love you” or anything like that outright, but you know anyway, which just makes the times when he does outright say it that much sweeter.

miyuki kazuya

i mean it goes without saying that this man is snarky. he’s not a meme king himself but he enjoys when people send them to him and will usually play off the meme to make his own jokes.

i feel like he also likes deep-fried memes or the very abstract, post-modern memes. miyuki is good at making other people laugh, but he has a generally very-off brand humor and the things that make him cackle hardest are either at someone else’s expense (very similar to kuramochi, so they bond a lot over that) or just indiscernible without access to a huge layer of context/background

saves the reaction photos kuramochi sends him, but doesn’t usually use them. but seeing an ugly pic of eijun yelling never fails to make him grin LMAO

i think he also texts A LOT about baseball, even more so than these other baseball dummies. texts his teammates a lot of articles he reads or clips from games/cool plays. this is mostly about texts, but in terms of social media I think miyuki uses twitter/instagram the most especially for baseball related reasons, while kuramochi uses snapchat the most. 

he probably texts a lot about baseball as well, both seriously and playfully

i can see him using hahas and LOLs in equal measure, but he would also utilize the haha reaction if he had an iphone. this boy does value his wit so he would definitely have commentary about any memes or jokes he’s sent

you won’t win a joke war against him, he will definitely one-up whatever you send him with either a one-liner or another joke. how tf does he do it?

definitely ignores people/conversations if he really wants to - but ofc he never does that to his BAE

if miyuki give you a dry one-line response...he’s not interested at all or he’s feeling frustrated about something else. but when he’s really happy? he will text his friends all the time and spam them! i see him as someone who enjoys texting when he has the attention span/state of mind for it. and when he’s texting his s/o his texting gets even more ~flavorful~

wit his lil bae: i don’t think miyuki would switch it up much w his s/o. is probably even more teasing with you over text than he is with his friends, which is saying something.

like talking with you just by nature of you being his partner. prob prefers texts to facetime because text kinda allows for maximum snark

he LIVES for you guys’ witty back and forth 

if he’s traveling for work or something, will definitely relish in you guys binge texting a tv show or something but just making funny commentary (or he’ll just send you funny commentary to get a reaction)

 he can dish it and he’s also not a super sensitive guy so he can take it tenfold from you as well. nothing y’all wouldn’t be used to when talking in person!

sometimes when texting him you’ll want to beat his a*s because he can be so cheeky but its endearing in a way. he definitely adds emojis to the end of his more annoying messages to give it that loveable vibe (and it works ofc, we love u miyuki)

he’s kinda clingy on the low so i think he’d prefer a partner that’s more open with their affection via text than he is. he would live for your random ilys or whatver throughout the day. also would not mind at all if you updated him on your actions throughout the day or sent him snaps - might not be able to respond to everything, but will react and appreciate it. very likely to make jokes about whatever you’re doing.

would also apologize over text. he’s not always used to apologizing can be awkward about it, so text makes it easier for him.

he would use emojis w you in a joking/ironic way. would absolute use those dumb but genius emoji combinations

yuki tetsuya

i’m literally cracking up thinking about texting him. he is one of my ultimate baes but im sorry i just know he texts dry asf. but its part of his charm!

has a flip phone. either never upgrades or gets the chunkiest most basic android if he is forced to

the thing is this man thinks that he is infusing all his texts with, like, tajin level seasoning, when in reality its pepper

uses punctuation. always. exclamation marks are used sparingly to express excitement.

but i can’t get the image out of my head of an upset tetsuya texting you a simple angry emoji (or the angry emoticon >:( LOL) if he’s reeeeeeally mad. but its v cute i can’t take him seriously. i just want to give him a hug <3

 but you know what he is so PASSIONATE about whatever he’s talking about that his passion bleeds into his text through sheer quantity of words and depth of thought. ultimately, all his conversations end up being extremely flavorful in terms of content. he is surprisingly good at having deep conversations over text.

he’s better at holding conversations with more extroverted personalities, truthfully.

he’s another one who sends random things to people when he thinks about them. miyuki of course gets so many texts/thoughts about shogi. if you get a random haiku, poem, or quote from testu, that means you’re blessed enough to be in his inner circle! he definitely thought of you when he read it and and wants you to respond!

with bae: he doesn’t really change up his texting style tbh, but he has a stronger outward reaction to what YOU text in response.

definitely the type to smile almost imperceptibly at his phone as he texts you, even if you send him something like “hey i’m at the store, want anything?”

he’s not great as verbal affection early in the relationship, so you’ll have to discern his love/affection. however baby boy is NOT afraid to just straight up say he loves you, he does it all the time and early.

he’s KNOWN for being reliable and responsible, so he will be at your beck and call when he’s able to for anything you need, but his heart is also warmed by the thought of you reciprocating that care. if your texts show him you’re thinking of him just like he does too. he’s very gentle and sweet, and checks up on you when he’s able to see if you need anything at all.

he might be reliable, but that doesn’t mean that he’s the quickest guy to respond to texts. he’s a busy guy, and he doesn’t think about his phone all the time, but he will always get back to you (bae does not play when it comes to completing things).

if they came up with a shogi game for gamepidgeon and tetsu had an iphone, your phone probably would be spammed with requests for games lol.

this is my first time doing headcanons like this so please let me know what you think or give me tips on how to improve! I really enjoying thinking about it so I hope to do more in the future <3

[iamthenightcolormeblack]

Pride and Prejudice 1940: "When Pretty Girls T-E-A-S-E-D Men Into Marriage"

Made during the Great Depression, this classic black and white film is loosely based on Austen's novel and is set in what is likely the 1830s rather than the Regency Era (late 18th century to early 19th century). It is an escapist piece which capitalizes on nostalgia for a simpler time by transporting its viewers to a chocolate-box vision of the past, while paying homage to Austen's social satire by delivering plenty of laughs along the way.

Overall Thoughts on the Film:

The first time I watched this movie, I was confused because the plot as well as the setting was revised significantly (the events after Darcy's first proposal are changed to hasten the happy ending; Darcy's letter and Elizabeth's visit to Pemberley are not included in this movie). This changing of plot points makes the 2005 movie a much more faithful adaptation in comparison with this version, in spite of the creative liberties both take with the novel.

Production Design:

The movie is a typical example of Golden Age Hollywood productions, with beautiful actresses and melodramatic flourishes added to increase the drama. Some of the lines are delivered very quickly, in keeping with the comedic style of the time.

The music: definitely not historically accurate. A lot of sentimental, "ye olde timey" string arrangements that emphasize emotions or fast-paced waltz music for balls/parties.

The 1830s costumes are beautiful; it seems as if no expense (or quantity of fabric) was spared in making them. The bonnets are way taller and have more decorations than typical 1830s bonnets. Some of the patterns/fabric choices are very 1930s, and the costumes are exaggerated in such as way as to make the wearers look like fancy turkeys.

Hair and Makeup: very 1930s, with finger/sausage curls, plucked eyebrows, lipstick/lip makeup, and long lashes.

The sets: the dollhouse-like interiors are lavishly gilded and made to look as opulent as possible. Outdoors scenes are lush, with lots of flowers and bushes; the garden in which the second proposal takes place is gorgeous. The set design transports the viewer into an idyllic vision of the bucolic English countryside.

The Lead Actors:

With the exception of Laurence Olivier, the majority of the actors are American, since this is a Hollywood production. Many of the characters in the film's imaginary vision of pastoral Britain speak American or make clumsy attempts to imitate British English.

Greer Garson: while she is definitely too old for the part, she perfectly conveys Elizabeth's intelligence, outspokenness, and sarcasm. Her facial expressions are killer as well; with the arch of an eyebrow along with a snarky side eye, she captivates us all. All in all, Garson effectively shows off Elizabeth's impertinence through her nonverbal acting (this reminds me strongly of Jennifer Ehle's Elizabeth Bennet).

Laurence Olivier: he effectively conveys Darcy's pride while hinting at his deeper feelings beneath the surface (I can see why Colin Firth spoke so highly of Olivier's portrayal of Darcy). Most importantly, the film emphasizes Darcy's intelligence; he is certainly Elizabeth's intellectual equal. While this portrayal of Darcy is very accurate to the book, Darcy's pride does go away pretty quickly (he and Elizabeth form a tentative friendship early on) and his social awkwardness isn't immediately obvious thanks to his charm. Also the unflattering hairstyle with the greasy hair and painted on sideburns makes me sad.

Key Scenes:

Opening scene: The title card appeals directly to the audience's nostalgia for a sentimental, romanticized past: “It happened in OLD ENGLAND (this was actually capitalized), in the village of Meryton…” The Bennet women are at a fabric shop, where they gossip with aunt Phillips about the rich people moving into Netherfield Park.

The carriage race: this scene, which isn’t in the original novel, represents the rivalry between the Bennets and Lucases. The mothers both want their daughters to be the first to snag the rich bachelors.

The first ball: There is a historical anachronism as the music is a waltz by Strauss, who became popular in late 19th century, specifically the Gilded Age; far too early for the Regency Era or 1830s England. Other changes from the original novel include Elizabeth meeting Wickham before Darcy; other events from Aunt Phillips’ ball (which isn’t included in this movie) and Wickham and Darcy’s confrontation are included in this scene.

Elizabeth’s impression of Darcy at the ball: she puts on airs and mocks his casual dismissal of her as tolerable (definitely a parallel with the 1995 version, where Jennifer Ehle does the same, but privately with Jane).

Great comedic change: Darcy introduces himself to Elizabeth after calling her tolerable and asks if she will dance with him (this originally takes place at Mr. Lucas' ball). Right after rejecting Darcy, she instantly agrees to dance with Wickham; in a humorous moment, Darcy evacuates to a corner of the room to sulk while seeing Wickham dance with Elizabeth.

The “Accomplished woman” scene: the dialogue lifted directly from the book for the most part. Darcy, in a departure from his trademark seriousness, shows off his playful side when reacting to Caroline Bingley's "turn about the room." I particularly like this added repartee from Elizabeth Bennet to Darcy, which is clever but also foreshadows her prejudice: “If my departure is any punishment, you are quite right. My character reading is not too brilliant.”

Elizabeth can't stand Mr. Collins: After twirling about his monocle, he pronounces that: “It might interest you to know my taste was formed by lady Catherine de Bourgh.” The best part of this scene is when Elizabeth plucks a wrong note on her harp when Collins gets really annoying.

The Netherfield ball (which is now a garden party):

Elizabeth running away from Mr. Collins: She looks rather ridiculous, almost like an overdressed turkey, in a white dress with puffy sleeves as she runs away from an overeager Collins. Then she hides in the bushes while Darcy helps her to hide, telling Collins he doesn't know where she is. It's fun but most likely not something a proper lady and gentleman would do (two people of the opposite gender out alone, shock!).

The archery scene: Darcy attempts to teach Elizabeth how to shoot a bow and arrow, even though he doesn’t hit the bullseye. She goes on to impress him by perfectly hitting the bullseye every time; Darcy learns his lesson: "Next time I talk to a young lady about archery I won't be so patronizing." Caroline Bingley, very passive aggressive as usual, shows up for her archery lesson right after and it's absolutely perfect.

Mr. Collins attempts to introduce himself to Mr. Darcy: Laurence Olivier captures Darcy so perfectly in this scene (really set the precedent for Colin Firth). When Mr. Collins starts talking (inviting Elizabeth to dance with him) Darcy tries to keep himself well-composed but has a pained expression on his face as if he’s about to pass out. Olivier masters the way Darcy can look so miserable but also disgusted and proud at the same time.

Mr. Collin's proposal to Elizabeth: I like the added touch of Mrs. Bennet pulling Elizabeth back by her skirt when she tries to run out of the room. The dialogue is taken directly from the book, and the scene is made even funnier when Collins holds on to Elizabeth's hand desperately and doesn’t let her get away. My only quibble is that Elizabeth isn’t indignant enough when Mr. Collins doesn't take no for an answer.

Elizabeth and Darcy at Rosings: I like that Olivier subtly indicates that Darcy is clearly affected upon seeing Elizabeth at Rosing, hinting at deeper feelings beneath the surface. I also like how the scriptwriter emphasizes that Darcy indirectly praises Elizabeth and enjoys their conversations, while she remains convinced that he hates her. Sadly, the original dialogue of the piano scene is not included, which is unfortunate as it allows Darcy to reveal his introvert tendencies, calling into question Elizabeth's assertion that he is unpardonably proud.

First proposal: The famous opening lines are mutilated with awkward punctuation: “It’s no use. I’ve struggled in vain. I must tell you how much I admire and love you." While the rest of the dialogue matches up closely with what happens in Austen's novel, both of the actors aren’t emotional enough; instead Elizabeth cries very daintily, and Darcy remains serene, which conflicts with the book's description of both of them being very angry and defensive at each other.

THE SCRIPT:

The first half of the film up to Darcy's first proposal follows the events of the original book closely, though certain blocks of dialogue are moved elsewhere and other events such as Mrs. Phillips' party are skipped over. The most significant changes, besides updating the setting to the 1830s, are made to the second half of the book to squeeze the key events of the story into the movie before delivering the inevitable happy ending.

Brilliant Quotes:

Mr. Bennet's reaction to Mrs. Bennet's despair over the situation of their 5 unmarried daughters: “Perhaps we should have drowned some of them at birth.”

Darcy insists Elizabeth cannot tempt him: “Ugh. Provincial young lady with a lively wit. And there’s that mother of hers.”

Darcy is an arrogant snob: “I’m in no humor tonight to give consequence to the middle classes at play.” (Technically the Bennets are part of the gentry; they just are less wealthy than Darcy).

Elizabeth's reaction to Darcy pronouncing her to be tolerable at best: “What a charming man!”

Elizabeth rebuffs Darcy's offer to dance after overhearing his insult: “I am afraid that the honor of standing up with you is more than I can bear, Mr Darcy.”

Elizabeth favors Wickham after witnessing the bad blood between him and Darcy: “Without knowing anything about it I am on your side.”

Mrs. Bennet's comment after she sends Jane to Netherfield under stormy skies: “There isn’t anything like wet weather for engagements. Your dear father and I became engaged in a thunderstorm.”

Mr. Bennet's reaction to Jane's fever: “Jane must have all the credit for having caught the cold…we’re hoping Elizabeth will catch a cold and stay long enough to get engaged to Mr. Darcy. And if a good snowstorm could be arranged we’d send Kitty over!”

The sisters' description of Mr. Collins: “Oh heavens! what a pudding face.”

Caroline Bingley at the Netherfield garden party: “Entertaining the rustics is not as difficult as I feared. Any simple childish game seems to amuse them excessively.”

Darcy reassuring Elizabeth after helping her escape Mr. Collins: “If the dragon returns St. George will know how to deal with it.”

Darcy learns his lesson after Elizabeth beats him at archery: “The next time I talk to a young lady about archery I won’t be so patronizing.”

Elizabeth comments about a curtain: “Oh that’s pretty. It’s a pity you didn’t make it bigger. You could have put it around Mr. Collins when he becomes a bore.”

Elizabeth on Kitty and Lydia: “2 daughters out of 5, that represents 40% of the noise.”

Elizabeth sees Lady Catherine for the first time: “So that’s the great lady Catherine. Now I see where he learned his manners.”

Lady Catherine's attitude towards philanthropy: “You must learn to draw a firm line between the deserving poor and the undeserving poor.”

Darcy takes Elizabeth's advice: “I’ve thought a great deal about what you said at Netherfield, about laughing more...but it only makes me feel worse."

Elizabeth and Darcy have a conversation with Colonel Fitzwilliam: “He likes the landscape well enough, but the natives, the natives, what boors, what savages … Isn’t that what you think, Mr. Darcy?” With a smile: “It evidently amuses you to think so, Miss Bennet."

CHANGES FROM THE BOOK:

The first half of the film up to Darcy's first proposal follow the events of the original book closely, though certain blocks of dialogue are moved elsewhere and other events such as Mrs. Phillips' party are skipped over. The most significant changes, besides updating the setting to the 1830s, are made to the second half of the book to squeeze the key events of the story into the movie before delivering the inevitable happy ending.

With the exception of Lady Catherine de Bourgh, the portrayals of the characters are (generally) true to the book.

As I said earlier, the film neglects any sort of historical accuracy when setting the story in romanticized "Old England," where genteel people pass simple lives that revolve around dresses, tea parties, social gossip, and marriages. A lot of Austen adaptations present an idealized vision of Regency life, where people are dressed immaculately, flawlessly adhere to "chivalry," and find love in the ballroom. This contributes to the misconception that Austen's novels are shallow chick-lit books with flat characters who live for lavish parties and hot men, instead of stories of unique, complicated women who happen to be well-off but aspire towards love, respect, or independence instead of being content to make economically advantageous marriages. Austen's novels are character novels and she doesn't waste time writing about dresses or tea parties; balls, while exciting, are just another part of daily life for her characters rather than some Extremely Big Special Once In a Blue Moon Event.

Austen's multifaceted view on marriage turns into a game of matchmaking. She recognizes it as necessary for women to survive in the patriarchy, since they cannot provide for themselves unless they marry well, but at the same time, presents marriage as a means for freedom if it is a loving partnership between two people that respect each other. In contrast, marriage is a game of manipulating the partners into wanting to marry (ex. Lady Catherine and Darcy's trickery). Also, it seems to be a given that Elizabeth will marry for love, unlike in the book where it is uncertain whether she will achieve this.

Kitty and Lydia's antics are viewed much more sympathetically as those of young people having fun; in the book, their behavior harms the family's social reputation, reducing the chances the Bennet daughters have of making good marriages.

Louisa Hurst, Georgiana Darcy, and Aunt and Uncle Gardiner are not in the movie.

Wickham is introduced much earlier than in the book; he is friends with Lydia from the very beginning. Interestingly, he doesn't begin to trash-talk Darcy until Bingley leaves; in the book he does so much earlier, before the Netherfield ball.

Darcy is more considerate towards Elizabeth at the Netherfield party (ex. rescuing her from Collins), until he overhears Mrs. Bennet scheming to get the daughters married. Elizabeth forms a tentative friendship with him until finding out that he separated Jane from Bingley.

Jane is more obviously heartbroken over Bingley's departure than in the book, where she keeps her pain to herself. In the movie, she runs away to cry, which is uncharacteristic of her.

Collins is a librarian instead of a clergyman. I dislike this change because some Austen scholars/fans think that Collins being a clergyman is a deliberate choice as part of Austen's social criticism. Collins is representative of how hypocritical the Church is, since he worships Lady Catherine's wealth instead of God, and preaches moral lessons instead of actually using religion to help people. My theory is that the change was made because of the Hays Code, which led to the censorship of movies for "unwholesome" or "indecent" things; the religious criticism could have been offensive.

Elizabeth reacts rather too kindly to Charlotte marrying Collins by showing concern for the loveless marriage. While she does worry about the lack of love in the marriage, initially she is extremely surprised, outright shocked, and confused.

The scene where Darcy tries and fails to talk to Elizabeth (the "charming house" scene in the 2005 movie) just before the proposal is removed.

Darcy's letter is skipped over and Elizabeth overcomes her prejudice of Darcy very quickly, as shown when she tells Jane she regrets rejecting his proposal. This is contrary to the book, where overcoming her prejudice is an emotionally exhausting and slow process that continues all the way up until the second proposal.

The Pemberley visit is removed; instead, Elizabeth returns home to the news that Lydia has eloped. Visiting Pemberley is very important as part of Elizabeth's re-evaluation of Darcy's character and provides an opportunity for Darcy to show Elizabeth that he has changed for her. The visit is key in increasing Elizabeth's love for Darcy, and removing it means that the characters have less personal growth (also wouldn't it have been great for the audience to be treated to another gorgeous estate of "Old England?"). Instead, Darcy visits Longbourn on his own and offers his help in finding Lydia. When the news comes that Wickham accepts very little money in exchange for marrying Lydia, it isn't as shocking as it is in the book because Darcy had already expressed his intentions of helping Elizabeth earlier.

Here's the change that bugs me the most: Lady Catherine becomes good; though she is a busybody, her main priority is Darcy's happiness. Her confrontation of Elizabeth is a scheme hatched between her and Darcy as a test to be certain of Elizabeth's love. This does not make sense on so many levels: first, Darcy insists that "disguise of every sort is my abhorrence," so why would he resort to trickery, however well-intentioned, to find out if Elizabeth still loves him? Second, Lady Catherine is a social snob and objects to Elizabeth's low connections; also she has an arranged marriage planned for Darcy. Third, in the book, because Elizabeth likes Pemberley and gets along really well with his sister Georgiana, Darcy would have had some evidence that Elizabeth, in the very least, cared for him. And the added claim that Lady Catherine approves of Elizabeth because she likes rudeness and thinks Darcy needs a humorous wife irritates me further because the marriage of Elizabeth and Darcy is revolutionary since it was made in defiance of societal rules!!! Why, why, why in the name of comedy did they have to do this?!

Darcy kisses Elizabeth (in a stagey and melodramatic way) after she accepts his second proposal. Seems a bit uncharacteristic of him.

All the sisters get married at the end. Happily ever after.

CONCLUSION

This movie certainly was not aiming for faithfulness to Austen's novel; it ignores her detailed portrait of Regency era society and its attitudes and focuses on the "light, bright, and sparkling" aspect of Pride and Prejudice that gives the story its timeless appeal.

All in all, this comedy of manners is definitely a classic thanks to the clever dialogue and jokes within the script, along with some great acting.

@appleinducedsleep @dahlia-coccinea @princesssarisa @colonelfitzwilliams @austengivesmeserotonin

[retvenkos]

“are you always this chaotic?”

A/N: i have an inquisitive anon in my ask box that deserves the whole world, and i decided their amazing (sometime hilarious) ask deserved better formatting, so here we are. sweet anon, this is for you.

tw: language

@bladesappreciationweek​​ A COLLECTION OF RANDOM HEADCANONS AND MEMES FOR THE INCOMPARABLE BLADES COMPANY...

who reserves the right to say “fuck”?

mal does not deserve the right. 10/10 he would use it every other word just for the effect of it all (scandalizing tyril who is upper class and thinks there are “better, more intellectual insults” and upsetting nia who tries to play it off like it doesn’t bother her, but she doesn’t like it). no rights, we’re censoring mal.

nia deserves the right, but she would never use it. not even in her dreadlord state did she utter it (the dreadlord is also an upper class elitist, fight me) but she argues with mal that she can say it and she would, but scholar vash is watching over her right now and she can’t disgrace him (scholar vash would be vvv proud if she said it, though, don’t even lie). olinda egged her on one night and she whispered it, dissolving into a fit of giggles afterward, but neither of them speak of it afterward.

tyril does not deserve the right. he believes himself too good™ for such a word, so he doesn’t get rights. he says he’s better than banal vernacular, thank you very much, but that’s awfully presumptuous of him and fails to take into account that, at all times he’s 5 seconds away from saying it, now that mal has entered his life. 100%, mal is trying to get tyril to say it by startling him at unnecessary times or just being generally irritating, and he never gets tyril to crack. i imagine tyril does end up saying it, though. aerin turns out to be the bad guy and nia falls into the portal or whatever and tyril is just like “...... fuck.” mal is bitter he wasn’t the one to make it happen, but he doesn’t whine about it until after the dreadlord has been defeated. nia is slightly upset that she was the reason tyril broke his solemn vow, but she also laughed thoroughly at mal’s rendition of the moment and regrets that she wasn’t there to see it.

imtura deserves the right and uses it. imtura curses like a sailor. .....get it? because she’s a— alright, you get it. but yes, imtura gets to the right to say fuck and she says it enough for everyone. if mal ever wants to express himself using the expletive, imtura will gladly say it for him. solidarity. but she’s also sweet, deep down, and she keeps her swearing to a minimum when nia is around. 

olinda deserves the right, 100%. she doesn’t say it often, but when she does, it has such power. mal wishes he had the commanding presence. olinda is generally too intent on finding a solution to the problem to ever dwell on failure, but when she goes into battle and realizes her group is terrible outnumbered? oop, there it is.

kade. oh, my sweet summer child, who swears often enough to rival imtura. 100%, he deserves the say “fuck” because every bard deserves free access to every word they can get their hands on. it’s rather funny that kade has a terrible mouth, since he’s like the golden retriever of the group (barring nia, ofc), but it’s also rather fitting. imtura was taken aback and mal had mad respect after hearing one of his tirades (directed at threep, ofc) and tyril is just like,,,,,, will i ever rEsT? anyway, let kade say fuck.

threep does not, under any circumstance deserve the right. threep will go off if given the right to swear, and it’s terribly annoying. everyone is trying to travel through a small town and then, out of the priestess of light’s travel bag you hear the worst string of curses you’ve ever heard - so many outdated and upper class curses picked up through the millennia and then you hear the most country, farmer swears (thanks, kade). it scandalizes everyone and nia is the poor girl who has to carry threep around. don’t let threep swear, whatever you do. it’s a power far too strong for this world.

what they get a tattoo of...

mal tries desperately to have the ~aesthetic~ so you know he gets something like a compass or a dagger or something equally as wanderlust and vague. it’s hella intricate and it’s probably on his forearm or something. i feel like mal is 100% that guy who has a tattoo for his mom on his chest but is also deeply terrified of commitment so the mere idea of getting a tattoo for someone else paralyzes him with intense fear. i don’t feel like mal is the guy to have writing for tattoos - he’s much more open to drawings than words. he’s all about the imagery. mal probably has a couple of tattoos though - he might be starting a sleeve or something, idk.

nia would deliberate long and hard before getting a tattoo - it’s permanent, after all, so she wants it to be something special. she 100% puts it on her lower back, which she grows to regret because she can’t actually see it? it is probably a flower a drawing of the temple of light, or a light crystal or something. i have a feeling there’s a prayer written in cursive that kind of wraps around the image she has tattooed. mal took her to get her tattoo and he was a proud brother™.

tyril was 100% that emo kid who wrote angsty song lyrics in a notebook, and that has not changed. i 100% guarantee that his first tattoo is a poem or something that he either wrote himself or desperately wishes he had written. he probably has it tattooed on his side or something equally as dramatic. mal wishes he had the flair that tyril just naturally carries. he’s iconic™ without even trying. he probably only has a few tattoos and most of them are small. he was one big tattoo on his back - it’s elaborate and kind of works like a family tree. it’s unique to him - he likes the idea that he carries his ancestors with him, no matter where he goes. nia notices one night that the company is on it, too, and she never says anything, but she’s touched.

imtura gets all the NAUTICAL IMAGERY. she 100% has one of those bands wrapping around her bicep, made of waves. i also imagine that imtura has a lot of ink? it’s what she deserves, and i feel like orcs are really artistic with their tattoos - their tattoos are culturally relevant and she has a story for every single one. mal knows every single story - they get sentimental on night watches. i imagine that imtura also knows how to give tattoos, so i headcanon that she gave olinda one that represents the company. imtura thought it was very sappy, but deep down, she was honored to do it.

olinda. similar to imtura, olinda has a lot of ink. the only difference is that she gets hers later on. there is one (1) person who knows how to tattoo in riverbend, and olinda got a few from them, but once she goes out to see the world? she’s going to the good™ tattoo artists and she’s fulfilling her dreams. i feel like olinda get’s her tattoos in very pointed spots - she definitely has a sleeve and you can “read” it from top to bottom - the story of her life. kade jokes that olinda’s memory is shot and so she has to get tattoos to remember her story, but he also really admires them. olinda has a lot of constellation tattoos, including some of the ones that kade made up. she’s very sappy, tbh.

kade got one (1) tattoo when he and olinda were piss drunk. it’s a matching tattoo with olinda that’s very weird and makes no sense at all. you had to be there, and tbh, even if you were there, it doesn’t make sense. to top it all off, it’s on his bicep so that when he flexes, it wiggles. at the time, olinda and kade thought it was the funniest thing and they died of laughter. does he regret it? kade maintains that he doesn’t. does he know the story behind it? he likes to say he does, but he actually doesn’t. olinda knows, and sometimes she’ll drop vague hints to see if it jogs his memory. kade maintains that he’ll never get another tattoo. once was enough.

modern! au ethnicities

disclaimer that there are a lot of great headcanons out there, and i’m here for most of them, these are just my ideas..

i imagine that mal is indian or pakistani, nia is brazilian or dominican, tyril is japanese or mongolian, imtura is maori or samoan, olinda is latina, and kade is half hispanic, half filipino.

when texting.... (and some handwriting thoughts)...

a modern! au? idk, maybe just an au where they somehow have modern technology? anyway...

mal grossly overuses emojis. his favorites are these: 🤑🔪😎😏. he also never uses proper capitalization and punctuation, and he uses abbreviations far too often. you need a key to figure out some of his texts, but imtura and olinda just know what he means. his philosophy is style and speed over substance. when he writes handwritten notes, though, his handwriting is a very fancy cursive and the care he puts into each letter is amazing. he only ever handwrites love letters to olinda and “i hate you <3″ letters to tyril, though. he did write a heartfelt birthday letter to nia, once. she framed it.

nia is my favorite because she texts like a grandparent, where they format texts like a letter and have perfect punctuation and capitalization. when she got a text from mal, she was very confused by what he was trying to express, but she wanted to know how he got the “cute faces” and mal immediately dropped everything to teach her how to use emojis. she loves them and probably uses a string of emojis at the end of her text as a part of her signature, like: [ the body of the text ] Best, Nia 😇🥰👑💖🌸 but her handwriting! it’s very nice. the temple of light had penmanship classes and nia excelled. ngl, she probably does caligraphy.

tyril uses no capitalization. punctuation only. you can hear the sarcasm through his text. he also hates emojis and memes with a burning passion. he has used this, though: -.-  he did it for nia. she loved it and now every time they text, he ends his texts with his “emoji”. mal teases him because it’s dumb and now it’s a running gag that everyone send the weird emoji to each other. it’s the tyril face! tyril wants to jump off a bridge, but also finds it very sweet? he has people giving him emoji’s? is that like.... friendship? anyway, his handwriting is terrible. glorified chicken scratch. it’s efficient and nearly illegible. perfect.

imtura, on the other hand texts the most “traditionally”. she doesn’t really adhere to capitalization, and she never has the ending period, but you know what she’s saying. it’s decent. she doesn’t like to complicate things, but kade introduced her to memes and now she and him communicate together solely using low resolution memes that no one else likes. it’s very annoying but very endearing. her handwriting is nice - simple and easy to understand. she uses a lot of shorthand and a lot of sailor jargon that goes over some people’s (read: tyril’s) heads, but is smart and to the point.

olinda, actually, is the one to have proper punctuation and capitalization, with little flavor to her texts. occasionally she’ll send an emoji or two, but mostly it’s just... communication. she much prefers calling, and will call you 20 times in a row until you answer. she forces tyril to facetime her and he rolls his eyes but secretly loves it. communication is much more efficient when you can see each others facial expressions, and boy, does context go a long way when talking with tyril. oH! I FORGOT TO MENTION - olinda grew up on a rural farm. olinda chronically says “y’all” and has all of those weird, farm related sayings. kade doesn’t have this problem because he “trained himself in verse” and said that he had to be “worldly” not “farm chic.” anyway, her handwriting is kind of careless in nature - not especially nice, but not especially terrible, either. it’s a hybrid between cursive and print (whatever is fastest is best).

kade texts solely in dank memes and lengthy prose. he is the most chaotic person in the group chat, either bidding the company to draw near by sending them four stanzas of incredibly vague meaning (only tyril and olinda understand) or he’s sending “vroom vroom bitch” memes that mal and imtura adore. the blades book may not have given kade flavor, but on GOD i will give it to him because a bard requires chaotic vibes, even if he has a tragic backstory. you know what? especially because he has a tragic backstory, kade deserves some chaos. give me chaotic kade or give me death. as for handwriting, i like to think that kade has two modes: “drafting” handwriting (chicken scratch to rival tyril) and “final product” handwriting that is purposefully and beautifully penned. he had a lot of time to perfect his writing, being sick, and boy did it pay off.

threep deserves to be in this line up, despite not being able to write. in this chaotic technology au, nia has created an instagram page for threep, and because he’s one of the last living nespers, it goes viral. when olinda and mal stumble upon it they have to laugh because it’s full of really expertly done ~aesthetic~ photos with really sweet captions - things threep wouldn’t say in a million years. the account is only up for a few months and at first the posting is really consistent, and then it suddenly falls apart and the account is deleted soon after. apparently, threep didn’t know the instagram account existed and when he found out, he and nia had legendary fights and wouldn’t speak for like, 2 weeks after. nia made a very shady and slightly vague call out post and it was the first time the company really saw her get petty. the instagram page was the perfect fuel for kade’s scathing and petty remarks at threep, and threep came out hard, making a dig at kade’s writing and his stupid tattoo. threep nearly died at the hands of the two sweetest - kade and nia. it was certainly one for the books.

high school! au

(you are right, anon, a high school au would be iconic™)

mal is 100% a band kid. he has the “i play the guitar to be cool” vibes. and besides, the guitar player in the band is always a little more ~rebellious~ than the other band kids (superseded only by the standing bass kids in orchestra, who had unrivaled chaotic evil energy). plus, mal has a flair for the dramatic, which the band kids have in spades. mal is a little too much of a rule breaker to have been on any teams or anything super structured like that, and while we all know that he’s a heartbreaker, he’s not a popular kid™ because (at least in my school) the popular kids are always rich kids who run in the “right” circles. mal is too cool for that.

nia on the other hand is the smart prep that’s really sweet. like, the girl who’s friends with the cheerleaders and could have been one, too, if she wasn’t so shy™. she’s mostly overlooked in favor of the more glamorous, but everyone knows nia and they’re all like, “yeah! she’s cute! and smart, and nice.” she’s probably in like, robotics club or something equally as estranged but smart. 100%, nia is the gabriella montez archetype. she’s in a few clubs, including choir, where her angelic voice earns her a few solos. people are always trying to give her positions of power in their clubs, but she graciously declines because she’s stretched too thin and stress is a thing.

tyril. i know you all want him to be like, the smart one who’s in debate club and is really charming, but tyril’s social skills are not cut out for that. tyril is like that smart kid who sits at the back of history class and knows all the answers but never raises his hand. he has one (1) popular friend who has been close with him since they were both in diapers, but he doesn’t feel comfortable with their friends so he just kinda sits alone for the most part. he was picked up once by the emo artsy kids, but it didn’t really stick. he likes poetry class and does a metal working class because he can be alone with his headphones and thoughts™. in high school he’s just brooding without the mystery. tyril cringes at his youth. he’s too strong and iconic in his current age, so he had to be cringeworthy in his teen years. perfectly balanced, as all things should be.

imtura was 100% that cool, slightly edgy girl on the volleyball team. she was popular with the students and the teachers - like, this is the student that the school mentions is going places, and yet are also like,,,, “let’s try to guide you over here, imtura. you have such potential! don’t squander it!” and imtura hates nothing more than their incessant pleas for her to be the model student. she just wants to travel the world, maybe join a punk band, and get lost at sea. that’s not too much to ask, right? she’s also on the football team, and she’s team captain. she lives in sweatpants and workout clothes, and they actually really suit her? definitely crush material, this one. she’s probably also throws some killer weekend parties with mal’s input.

olinda was harder to place, but i imagine that she’s one of those hands on kids, taking woodworking, metal working, and auto mechanics classes. maybe she was on the soccer team, one year, but that didn’t really work out. she’s a team player and all, but she likes something with a little more purpose. she met tyril in metalworking, she met mal when helping with sets for the school play (he was annoying the theatre kids, as per usual), she met imtura in gym class because imtura picked her to be on her flag football team (which was a great choice, really), and she met nia when she went to the choir room, looking for kade. she’s not popular, per se, but people know her face and they think she’s pretty cool.

kade on the other hand, is 100% an artsy theatre kid. he’s not the super obnoxious theatre kid, and he’s not the snobby theatre kid either, he’s kind of like the older sibling theatre kid who’s infinitely cooler than you, incredibly talented, but also really down to earth and ready to create an elaborate inside joke with you over the course of the year. he has it all: the tragic backstory that adds flavor and depth to his writing, the kind personality that gets him friends wherever he goes, the amazing vocals that make him a shoe in for every performance..... but he often gets overlooked. why? it’s one of those injustices that just don’t make sense. he’s decently popular among the art nerds, and everyone wonders why he doesn’t get lead roles. a real ryan evans, if we want to go with a hsm reference.

AND FLUFF ENSUES.

-- taglist: @musicallisto​, @missameliep​ // message me if you want to be added!

[madasthesea]

I’m sorry for being so mean. I had a really bad day and didn’t mean to say such awful things. But I am frustrated my fics always get ignored, especially by the big names in the fandom such as yourself that claim to support everyone. I’ve written so many fics in this fandom and have been doing so for over a year, yet I only have 30 subscribers. I get really frustrated and feel like I’m a bad writer because everyone ignores me and my fics. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. I’m sorry.

(2/2) For a fan community that claims they are inclusive, everyone sure doesn’t act that way. Everyone already has their friends and people like me who don’t have many friends get ignored. The big names in the fandom don’t support or read the fics by the new people. It’s not just me. I’ve never received a single kudo or comment from you or anyone else that’s popular like you. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong but people don’t read my fics.

Ok, I’m answering this in the middle of the night in the hopes that not a lot of people will see it so it won’t become A Thing and then as soon as this fic exchange is over I am turning my anons off forever. Anon, I guess I have to give you credit for coming to apologize, but I have to say, where before I was perfectly capable of laughing off your extremely rude message, I have to say, now I’m annoyed. Because there is not a single instance or bad day or frustration that makes what you said acceptable. You came into my inbox and threw a temper tantrum because you knew my name and I happen to have anons on unlike most of the “fandom big names.” You told me I had the worst fics in the fandom, told me I publish outlines instead of stories and accused me of writing incestual pedophilia because you had a bad day? I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you’re young because that is the only possible excuse I could give you. As I said in my original response, if I were already an anxious writer, you could have caused me to delete all of my fics and put me off of writing forever. Someone commented on your original message and said that they don’t post their writing because of messages like that one. You’re right you shouldn’t have taken it out on me, and you wouldn’t have if your name had been associated with it. But here we are, and I’m going to try to make it so this never happens again, at least with the two of us. 

Now, onward to your frustrations. I am sorry that you aren’t getting the attention you want, but one) yelling at me on anon isn’t going to fix that. Two) not to be like callous and insensitive, but that happens to almost every writer I know. I’ve been writing fanfiction for 12 years. This is the seventh fandom I’ve written for and no one ever read my fics before this. My first year on AO3 I published six stories and had 500 views total. I get the frustration, but sometimes you just have to get the perfect combination of exposure, plot, and interest. Three) Do you have any idea how many stories get published in the Peter Parker & Tony Stark tag a day? I’m sorry, I can’t read all of them. I don’t want to read all of them, in fact I have 14 different tags blacklisted. Just because I am a “big name” does not mean I owe you a comment or a kudos. If I like your story, I will tell you. Chances are, I haven’t even seen one of your stories, because I’m an adult with a job and hobbies and writing of my own to do. Most of the “big names” are the exact same except a lot of them also have school. If you want someone to read your stories, ask them. Say “hey, I respect you and your opinion, could you look at this for me?” They will probably say yes unless they have a good reason not to. Don’t just sit there and wait for it to happen and get mad when it doesn’t. Also, this is the third time someone has yelled at me for not reading or commenting on their fics and it makes me less inclined to leave kudos in general in case someone comes and gets mad that I read their fic but didn’t comment. So uh… don’t do this again. 

As for the community, do you want to know how to make friends? Send asks (nice ones) not on anon. We can’t interact with you if you don’t know who you are. Reblog our fics. Comment on our posts. You can’t make friends if no one knows you exist. And the only way to show you exist is show yourself in our notes, in our inboxes. Sitting in your corner of tumblr and being bitter isn’t going to help anyone. This fandom is welcoming and it is kind and it is supportive. You saw how many people came to my defense tonight. If you talk to those people, they’ll talk back, but they can’t reach out to every single Irondad blog, it just isn’t feasible. 

And finally, how to get your fics read more. Like I said, part of it is just… luck. I got in at the very beginning, as did losingmymindtonight, parkrstark, several others, and had already established myself before IW came out and the fandom got bigger. Lucky break on my part, but I’m also a good writer because I’m 25 and I have a Master’s in a writing heavy field and I’ve been writing my entire life. Sometimes it just takes practice. But there is stuff that all good fics have in common, so here we go:

1) Good grammar, good spelling, good punctuation.

I don’t know who you are so I have no idea what your writing is like, but this is stuff I had to tell college students as a teacher, so I’m just going to go over it. 

Are there line breaks between every paragraph? No? There need to be. It’s hard to read when all of the words are bunched together, meaning automatic exits will happen, regardless of content.

Do you start a new paragraph every single time a new person speaks? You should.

“When someone is speaking,” I asked, “do you put a comma before the speech tag?” Commas, not periods. Not periods then commas. Punctuation goes inside the quotation marks. 

Are you writing in first or second person (I or you)? Don’t.

Pay attention to your tenses. It is very confusing reading a story that switches tenses every sentence. 

Are you capitalizing the beginning of every sentence and proper noun? You have to. Reading all lowercase takes energy and concentration and readers don’t like to put more effort in than they’re used to. Also it’s just pointless.  

Get a beta reader. Get grammarly (but the free version, don’t pay) or another editing service. Google anything you have a question about. EDIT YOUR WRITING. 

2) New ideas

Every fandom has tropes they love, but not every fic can be a trope fic. Every fic I write is, if not completely new, a spin on a popular trope.

Yes, there are some popular field trip fics, but most of them get lost in the weeds because they are all the same. And most of the people I talk to don’t even like them. (This counts for May dies fics, sensory overload… If you’re going to write it, you have to make it different and you have to make it good.)

Look to other movies or books for ideas, check out irondad-fic-ideas, something. Write something new, something only you can write, and at least some people will notice.

3) Good characterization

Now apparently everything I write is OOC, so maybe I’m not the best person to be giving advice on this :/ (I’m still annoyed. I’m getting over it)

BUT–the best way to write a well-known character is to know the source material. Listen to the way they talk, watch how they move. Ignore fanon. It’s hard, but try. Peter isn’t actually a perpetual ray of sunshine, chatter box 12 year old like we often write him, Tony isn’t 100% sarcasm and incapable of recognizing his own feelings. 

If you can hear the character say it in their actual voice, it’s probably a good line. 

4) Misc.

Fandom rule of thumb: cute fluff and hardcore whump win out over deep character studies on convoluted plot lines. If you’re just looking for hits or maybe a fic to establish yourself, that’s a good way to do it. 

If you’re posting a multi-chapter fic, don’t post it all at once. People will comment on each chapter as you post and you’ll get more hits. 

Respond to comments, especially at the early stages. It makes your readers more invested, it builds friendships, and it makes your stats look better. 

There’s a blog that supports little known writers in this fandom! Rec your fics there!

Make sure to never, ever put “I suck at summaries” or “fic is better than summary” it is an instant turnoff. If you can’t write the thing that makes me want to read the fic well, why would I think I want to read the fic?

Tagging on AO3 is vital. Tag the right relationships, tag the right emotions (angst, fluff, hurt/comfort). I often sort just by these. Always put in the category, (M/M, F/M, etc.) and the rating. There is no reason not to, but not doing so makes people less likely to read. Always tag triggers.

Never steal fics or ideas. If a story inspires you, you can ask the author if you can write something similar and then link in your story back to theirs. Nothing will make you less popular in a fandom than stealing work.

Lastly, I know authors constantly talk about how important comments and kudos are, and they are so important to bolstering spirits, I get that, but if you aren’t writing for yourself first, you will always be disappointed. You should enjoy your fic as much when you read it in your word doc as when you read it online with comments and kudos. And maybe you write really niche stuff that doesn’t appeal to a lot of people, but churning out carbon copies of the Fandom Tropes and hoping for hits is not going to satisfy you and you will keep being frustrated.

Let’s not do this again, shall we? Next time you have a question, ask me nicely.

[anyawarrior]

Hey, I have something to come forward about./vent

Dear followers/friends/strangers,

Have any of you ever wondered why I talk so weirdly formal? As in using proper punctuation, capitalization, grammar, spelling, and pronunciation? It’s because I’m extremely conscious about myself. You see, I have autism. I’m high functioning, yes, but I’m still extremely conscious about it. I don’t like looking back more than two years ago because I hate seeing my foolish optimism and obliviousness. I was so high-energy, so excited, and I don’t like looking back then. It makes me conscious about myself. I talk ridiculously proper to look smarter, to look more normal, to look like I can function, to form a mask, a lie, hiding my autism. It’s something I can’t help. Something ingrained into my head that if I don’t seem like I can function normally, I won’t have a use to anyone or anything.

I’m sorry for lying about myself, but it’s a defense mechanism. If I’m too open about who I am, I’ll be bullied, overwhelmed, attacked, and end up hurt. “Never again,” I think, sitting in the bushes at my school, crying as a teacher gives me a write-up because I’m undergoing sensory overload. “Never again,” I think, as I get abused for my kindness and thrown aside for being too tired one day. “Never again,” I think, after saying something bad because I was oblivious and just trying to speak my mind.

Everything I say is a shot in the dark. I either hit someone and offend everyone because I used the wrong words, or I hit the target and get my point across. I want to speak my mind about things, but when it’s a sensitive subject and the area’s a minefield, I never end up getting my point across because I’m too paranoid of destroying everything with one wrong word. Even making jokes is dangerous for me, because some people might not think it’s a joke and will take offense to me joking about gazelles and deer being close enough. Every time I say something and cause an argument or fuss, those two words run through my head. “Never again.”

I always have trouble getting my words out of my head and into the world without losing the message. It’s like translation it through several different languages, and then it translates one more time for other people to understand it. Like a messed up, dangerous game of Telephone, my words get lost along the way. I can only hope that this time, nothing gets lost in translation.

When I was little, I would come up with silly little short stories, write them down, and share them with my whole class. Now I have full universes I’ve created from the ground up, poems I’ve spilled my heart and soul into, songs that shout everything I’ve been afraid to say... And not a single soul hears or sees it.

When I was little, I would sing my heart out in my bedroom, even if it was 8 PM and some neighbors were trying to sleep. Now I can’t even hum or sing quietly without feeling like I have the voice of a strangled frog with lung cancer.

When I was little, I would draw and doodle and not think anything of it, proud of what I made. Now I give up when I can’t draw something because, if it’s not perfect, the world shouldn’t see it.

It’s not just my autism that pains me, either. It’s my depression, my anxiety, my ADHD, my OCD, every part of my mind that’s different than someone else’s causes me great pain and strife. So many words, so many voices, so much yelling, and I can hardly hear myself through the arguments that rampage through my mind. No, I don’t actually hear voices, it’s personification of everything.

My anxiety sometimes has the right idea, but overreacts, and other times it keeps me from doing what’s right.

My depression doesn’t care, it’s existential, the type to smoke cigarettes and throw them wherever, not caring if it starts a wildfire.

My OCD focuses on perfection, but if I try to do something productive, it says it’s not worth the time.

My ADHD wants to spend time having fun, but when I try to, it decides to space out and not get anything done.

My autism always has good intentions, but uses the wrong words sometimes and hurts people on accident.

And then there’s me. A combination of all of this. A mess of low self-esteem and sometimes the embodiment of “I see no God up here other than me.” Unable to focus. Unable to think. Unable to learn. Unable to speak. Unable to get her thoughts out there into the world where maybe, just maybe, someone could see them and offer comfort.

It pains me to cover up one of the biggest parts of who I am, but I don’t know what else to do. I hope you can forgive me for hiding so much, and for suddenly venting like this. I just needed to get this out there. Things wouldn’t feel right if all people thought of me was bubblegums and sunshine. I’m not perfect, I’m not full optimism. I’m human, just like you, and don’t let all of my bumps and edges say otherwise.

Sincerely, AnyaWarrior.

[scvrllet]

Hi im thinking of starting writing harry potter fanfiction and ive never wrote fanfiction before any advise??

hiii so yes i do have some but i am horrible at just giving general advice so i’m sorry in advance. 

1. have a solid idea that you want to write and plan it. i have a note on my phone solely for random ideas i have which range from dialogue prompts to random scenarios because i tend to get ideas during the worst times ever. 

after that, either in my head or in the notes, i’ll plan out what i’ll want to be included in the fic (random scenes, dialogue, the setting, character and the format)

trust me when i say the writing process will be easier if you have it planned in advanced because by the time you sit down to start it, you should have at least 50% (or more) of it already planned out. from there, start out with a strong introduction and make sure it reads smoothly. 

2. research. when writers say they can had ten tabs open for the smallest details, they are not lying. when i was planning out one of my oc’s for my player series (who isn’t going to be mentioned for another two chapters lmao wtf), i spent nearly half an hour making sure their zodiacs, wands and patronus’ lined up correctly with how i wanted. 

sure you’ll know the basics but there will be some small things that you may forget and is needed for the fic so research is important. for harry potter, some sites that i use that are useful are Harry Potter Wiki and Quora. 

3. drafts. have drafts. even if it’s a one-shot and not a full on series, it’s good to have drafts. 

For me, I usually have two (sometime  three) drafts for any works (expect for blurbs) where the first one is a rough outline of what i want to happen in it. this would include how i want it to start off along with any dialogue. the second draft is the usually the final one where I rewrite the first draft from memory. I remember reading this from somewhere where when you rewrite it from memory you’ll only have the important parts which will help avoid any useless information or whatever. 

4. proofread and grammar check. include proper capitalization and punctuation please (ignore my lack of capitalization here, this isn’t a fic or anything lol) i can understand how some writers do it for the ✨aesthetic✨ but it can sometimes get annoying. 

an exception for using all lower case for the aesthetic could be when it’s supposed to be like that of a letter though many tend to just use to italics but whatever floats your boat

5. have fun. 

likes and reblogs are important for growth but that doesn’t happen the same for everyone. I remember before i started writing on tumblr, i would watch as others grew as time went on. some writers get a lot of likes fairly quickly while others don’t. 

to get that kind of attention, become mutuals with some writers. i know they can seem scary and intimidating but i promise you, most writers are not those mean popular kids you see at school. they are usually more than happy to help and support you.

if you want, you can tag me in your fic (if you do end up writing) and i’ll be more than happy to read it and i’m sorry again for the shitty advice. if you have specific questions i’ll be happy to answer them.

[billconrad]

My Eternal Grammar Struggle

    Wikipedia defines grammar as “the set of structural rules governing the composition of clauses, phrases, and words in any natural language. The term also refers to the study of such rules, and this field includes phonology, morphology, and syntax, often complemented by phonetics, semantics, and pragmatics.” Lots of wisdom in those words.

    I define grammar as a complete pain. I am not against the use of grammar or have some objection to the rules. I’m lucky to speak a language with many well-defined rules. My issue is that the iron-clad grammar rules are less iron and more rust.

    Where did these grammar rules come from? Long ago, people started speaking. During this time, they did not have rules; they just spoke. Later, the invented rules enabled language consistency. However, the rules had to have exceptions. “I before E, except after C.” And yes, I know. This is technically a mnemonic and not a rule, but it is one we all know.

    Today, we learn about these rules from various sources. For writers, the gold standard is The Chicago Manual of Style, which proudly proclaims it is “the venerable, time-tested guide to style, usage, and grammar.” There are other modern sources like “The PC is not a typewriter” and the “Grammarly Handbook.” My problem occurs when the “experts” disagree or have no opinion.

    I will be the first to admit that my grammar is at best, OK. [Side note. Is it ok, Ok, OK or okay?] The good news for me is that there are excellent editors. But what happens when the editors disagree with each other? Their answer is, “This difference does not matter.” My goal is to be consistent.

    Here is an easy one. How do you write numbers in a sentence?

    There are 52 playing cards.

    There are fifty-two playing cards.

    There are fifty two playing cards.

    This should be easy. Pick one of the three and go with it. The Chicago Manual of Style states that for under 100, one should write out the numbers and use a dash. “There are fifty-two playing cards.” For numbers over 100, one should write in numerals. “There are 152 playing cards.” Other sources dictate it should always be one or the other, not both. Another source says you should use written-out words inside the quotes and numerals outside. Another source says that for non-technical books, we should write the words out, and technical books should only use numerals.

    I don’t care! I only want to be consistent. So, I made up a new rule. For numbers under twenty, I write them out and use numerals for the rest unless it is the beginning of a sentence I write them out. Is this the Gold Standard? Nope, but it is consistent and something I can work with.

    Let’s look at a complex example.

    What’s your problem?!

    What’s your problem?!!!

    What’s your problem? !

    What’s your problem!?

    What’s your problem!

    WHAT’S YOUR PROBLEM?

    In this sentence, somebody is yelling out a question. The writer emphasized this yelling with a “!” What’s the proper way to use punctuation? This is not clear. The Chicago Manual of Style has no specific rule to cover this issue. Opinions rage all over the map, and I go with “?!” because this is what most internet opinions suggest. Should we capitalize Internet? Another confusion. My opinion is that “?” trumps the emphasis “!”, but the emphasis “!” is still required. I also hate WRITING IN CAPITOL LETTERS BECAUSE IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE SHOUTING AND IS DIFFICULT ON THE EYES!

    What an impossible example? “There are three two’s in the English language.” That is a perfectly valid sentence, but it is impossible to properly write. Should we make up a fourth two? Call it “tu” “There are four tu’s in the English language.”

    There is another widespread issue with grammar, and this comes down to “writing style.” While this is technically not grammar, I call it grammar. For example, the dialog for a play/movie/book might have random grammar. This is because the “speaking” person naturally talks that way. This gives the impression to the reader that the character is uneducated. A technical or legal document would have terse sentences that make little sense. A poetic or dramatic work has flowery words without punctuation. Why are all these different regarding grammar? I would prefer that clear rules apply without exception to all forms of writing.

    Some people are complete rule stickers. I also find that these same people never seem to have anything nice to say about my writings. They cannot get over their own grammar hangups and enjoy my written thoughts. This issue has been present since the dawn of my writing. Side note. I nearly flunked my college psychology class because of this “problem.” Yes, there were other issues at play.

    I find documents with “proper grammar” read blandly. The authors spend too much time on structure and do not use “flowery” (like we naturally speak) sentences with normal words. In engineering, such documents can be troubling because I need to accurately grasp a concept and not get hung up on a confusing sentence.

    Another issue with grammar stickers is that their writing looks like a legal document. Every other word has a comma or semicolon after it, and the document becomes a long sentence contest. Reading one of these “correct sentences” out loud is like reading with a mouth full of rocks on an empty stomach. I call this “sentence dieseling.”  Dieseling is an automotive term when you turn off your carbureted car, and the engine continues to run.

    The comma should allow the reader to breathe and be used with moderation. The period separates thoughts and gives the mind a break. Normal words help get the point across quickly. That same psychology teacher that tried to flunk me loved to use the word “Cynosure.” (A focal point of admiration.) Is it a valid word? Yes. Did anybody in the class know what the heck it meant? Of course not. Was it an attempt to make that teacher seem intelligent or important? Defiantly!

    Where does that leave me? I have an overall goal in my writing regarding proper grammar. First, I check my work carefully for proper (my own rules) grammar, and I do my best to make it consistent. Then, I send my books to an editor, and they clean my mess. Then, I review their changes and try to duplicate their knowledge in my subsequent works.

    I wish there was a better solution. The real problem is that grammar does not have established rules. Everybody (including editors and software grammar checkers) is in the same boat. In other languages, a board or governing body is set up to establish universal rules.

    The English language has no governing body. However, in 1906, the Simplified Spelling Board reformed the spelling of the English language, making it simpler and easier to learn and eliminating many inconsistencies. The board operated until 1920, (the year after the death of its founding benefactor, Andrew Carnegie who had come to criticize the progress and approach of the organization).

    I believe we should resurrect the Simplified Spelling Board or something like it. Perhaps a Wikipedia version of The Chicago Manual of Style. Let’s pretend this is true. They met, discussed the “?!” issue, and determined that the correct way to emphasize a question is “?!” This rule would then get incorporated into textbooks and software grammar checkers. The results will be that the grammar monsters have less to complain about, and all writing will be consistent.

    I dislike is ranting about a problem without a solution. So I call on my blog readers to rise up and enact a grammar governing board and then accept their sage words of wisdom.

    You’re the best -Bill

    October 24, 2017  Updated March 05, 2023

    Hey book lovers, I published three! Please check them out.

    Interviewing Immortality, is a psychological thriller about a 500-year-old woman who forces a disgraced author to interview her.

    Pushed to the Edge of Survival, is a drama, romance, and science fiction story about two unlikely people surviving a shipwreck and live with the consequences.

    Cable Ties, is a classic spy novel about two hunters who discover that government communications are being recorded and ask the FBI to investigate.

    These books are available in soft-cover on Amazon and eBook format everywhere.

[f4liveblogarchives]

Fantastic Four Vol 1 #236

Mon May 04 2020 [08:31 PM] Wack'd: IT'S A MILESTONE!

[08:32 PM] maxwellelvis: A triple-sized issue, eh? [08:33 PM] Wack'd: All your favorite Fantastic Four characters are here! Wyatt! Norrin! Agatha! Franklin! Namor! Willie! Impy! T'Challa! And, uh. I guess some other folks? [08:33 PM] maxwellelvis: I'm going to guess that's a double-sized Byrne story and then a regular-sized one by Stan and Jack. [08:33 PM] Bocaj: Ah yes captain america and reed richards in one place at one time in a time and place that isn't the ill received special avengers 300 roster [08:33 PM] maxwellelvis: That's the rest of the Marvel Universe heroes here to party. [08:33 PM] Wack'd: Yes. [08:33 PM] Wack'd: Why isn't Alicia on this cover. [08:34 PM] Wack'd: Or, like, any number of Fantastic Four repository players. [08:34 PM] maxwellelvis: Had to make room for Stan Lee. [08:34 PM] Wack'd: Also who's that guy in the suit? Is that...Collins, maybe? [08:35 PM] maxwellelvis: I just told you. [08:35 PM] Wack'd: Oh [08:35 PM] Wack'd: ...where's Jack? [08:35 PM] maxwellelvis: Either he's on the back or John Byrne knows which side his bread is buttered on. [08:36 PM] Bocaj: maybe he's behind the special triple sized sticker [08:36 PM] Bocaj: Like he got Mike Wachowski'd [08:36 PM] Wack'd:

Clint: I can't believe it... Wanda: Oh, Clint, I'm so sorry... Clint: I'M ON THE COVER OF *FANTASTIC FOUR*!

[08:36 PM] maxwellelvis: 🤣 [08:37 PM] Wack'd: Can't believe Bocaj beat me to essentially this same joke [08:37 PM] Bocaj: My secret is that I didn't bother putting in extra effort [08:39 PM] Wack'd: Anyway, let's start our first story, shall we? [08:39 PM] maxwellelvis: Indeed. [08:40 PM] Wack'd: Oh good, we're doin this

[08:40 PM] Wack'd: I think this is our first real, proper origin retelling. We got one in the late 70s but it was less a retcon and more "this is a recap issue, please don't kill us if we fudged some details" [08:40 PM] Umbramatic: welp [08:42 PM] Wack'd: I guess instead of "first to the moon" it was "make it further into space than anyone else"

[08:42 PM] Bocaj: Time keeps on slipping, slipping into the future [08:42 PM] Umbramatic: what is time [08:42 PM] Bocaj: I know that the Slott FF has the idea instead that the rocket was FTL and they were trying to get to a specific planet, which turns out to be full of assholes [08:44 PM] Wack'd: So here's egg on my face [08:44 PM] Wack'd: The dialogue from this scene is taken note-for-not from #1 [08:44 PM] Wack'd: This isn't actually retconning anything at all, except for that one narrative caption [08:45 PM] Wack'd: Oh, and the addition of some jargon

[08:47 PM] Umbramatic: CAPTAIN SPACE ICEBERG AHEAD [08:47 PM] Wack'd:

[08:49 PM] Umbramatic: this is intense [08:49 PM] maxwellelvis: Both version are pretty intense. [08:49 PM] maxwellelvis: I'm noticing the dialogue's been slightly rewritten on the new version. [08:50 PM] Wack'd: Very slightly, mostly just to add technical terms you'd expect a rocket crew to be using [08:50 PM] Umbramatic: aha [08:50 PM] Wack'd: All of the original lines are still there, though [08:50 PM] maxwellelvis: And to keep Ben's manner of speech more consistent [08:51 PM] Wack'd: Punctuation is a bit different [08:52 PM] Wack'd: OH SHIT, WE'RE DOIN' THIS

[08:53 PM] Umbramatic: oh. OH [08:55 PM] Wack'd: In this reality, Reed's a college professor, Sue's a housewife, and Ben and Alicia are married and running a tavern. All in a little town creatively named Liddleville. [08:55 PM] Bocaj: Our Town Founders made a decision there [08:55 PM] Wack'd: Our Town Founder is Josiah Liddle [08:56 PM] Bocaj: Lets cut the head off his statue [08:56 PM] Bocaj: Like in the Jetsons [08:56 PM] Wack'd: Oh, also, Alicia can see in this reality. Alicia offhandedly mentioning she saw something makes Ben real happy and he has no idea why [08:57 PM] Bocaj: Hmm. [08:57 PM] Wack'd: But I do! It's this creepy fucker

[08:57 PM] Umbramatic: oh boy! oh BOY! [08:58 PM] maxwellelvis: We're actually doing the "Perchance to Dream" thing, aren't we? [08:58 PM] maxwellelvis: Is THIS where B:TAS got that idea from? [08:59 PM] Wack'd: Pretty sure they stole it from For the Man Who Has Everything [08:59 PM] Wack'd: Which incidentally won't exist for another three or four years [08:59 PM] maxwellelvis: Wild how time works [09:00 PM] Wack'd: Another dream sequence, this time for Sue! And with much more dramatic changes [09:01 PM] Wack'd: This time, Ben's complaints about safety concerns are much more substantial, and Sue's accusation that Ben is a coward is more to do with time and money running out to do this experiment and less to do with, uh [09:01 PM] Wack'd: Commies [09:03 PM] Umbramatic: "I'm going to the one place free from capitalism... SPACE" [09:03 PM] Wack'd: Also this happens

[09:03 PM] Umbramatic: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH [09:04 PM] maxwellelvis: It's a nice touch that in those first two panels, the Thing is more leathery, like he was in the early comics, and it's only when Reed starts stretching that he looks more rock-like [09:04 PM] Wack'd: Yeah, I liked that too [09:05 PM] Umbramatic: oooh [09:05 PM] Wack'd: So Reed, Johnny, and Ben meet up at Ben's tavern to discuss these dreams, and whaddayknow, they've all been having them [09:06 PM] Wack'd: Tragically, Ben's dreams give him super-strength, but no rock skin. Dream!Ben is scared to ask Alicia to marry him--but he doesn't know why. [09:08 PM] Wack'd: Reed then goes to work, where he's having problems with his dickhead boss.

[09:09 PM] Wack'd: Reed decides to try and work out what's up with these dreams, dozes off, bonks his head, and realizes when he wakes up that he is actually a superhero, and the Puppet Master is responsible for all this. [09:10 PM] Umbramatic: wha [09:11 PM] Wack'd: Reed, trying to figure out why he doesn't have stretching powers, makes the very smart and scientifically motivated decision to stab himself in a vein and bleed out in his office. [09:12 PM] Umbramatic: oh [09:12 PM] Umbramatic: i diagnose you with dead [09:13 PM] Wack'd: It's okay though! Turns out he's a robot and the blood is all fake. So are the bodies of Ben, Sue, Johnny, Alicia and Franklin. [09:13 PM] Umbramatic: ...IS DOOM IN ON THIS TOO?! [09:13 PM] Wack'd: It takes Reed no time at all to convince his friends and family of this and go confront Phillip. [09:14 PM] Wack'd: Wow, uh, you're ahead of me here, Umbra [09:14 PM] maxwellelvis: Lucky guess [09:14 PM] Umbramatic: damn this is the second thing i've predicted tonight [09:14 PM] Wack'd: Phillip apparently just wanted to give Alicia the life he thought she wanted, but Reed points out he doesn't have the tech to do this all on his own. [09:15 PM] Wack'd: Phillip, it turns out, has made the very smart and not-at-all-suicidal decision to mind control Doctor Doom [09:15 PM] Umbramatic: oh this is gonna be goooooooooooooooooooooood [09:15 PM] Bocaj: Oh geeeeeeeeeeeez [09:16 PM] maxwellelvis: This should be good. [09:17 PM] Wack'd: Of course this is Doom we're talking about. He doesn't make mistakes, he just lets people figure things out for stupid ego reasons.

[09:18 PM] Wack'd: God, the fact that this isn't an illusion, the Four, Franklin and Alicia are trapped in tiny robots, is a lovely extra layer of bonkers. [09:18 PM] Bocaj: Amazing [09:19 PM] Wack'd: ALSO "LIDDLEVILLE" ISN'T A SMALL TOWN JOKE, IT'S LITERALLY LITTLE [09:19 PM] Wack'd: INCREDIBLE [09:20 PM] Wack'd: Anyway, Reed asks Doom what his next move is, and Doom...doesn't have one [09:20 PM] Wack'd: He's just gonna leave them like this [09:20 PM] Wack'd: Forever [09:21 PM] Umbramatic: DOOM: "I don't know, I never thought I'd get this far.” [09:21 PM] maxwellelvis: The fact that he's resisted the urge to play Godzilla now that they know he's the one who orchestrated this shows he has way more willpower than I [09:22 PM] maxwellelvis: Assuming the shock of dying in robot bodies wouldn't wake them up. [09:23 PM] Wack'd: They do have one ace in the hole--Phillip! After all, Phillip's in this mess because he mind-controlled Doom, but he's not an idiot, surely he has an escape hatch. [09:23 PM] Wack'd: Well turns out he did. Doom turned it off. [09:23 PM] Umbramatic: oh [09:23 PM] maxwellelvis: Womp womp [09:23 PM] Wack'd: Reed examines it through and tries to see if he can get it to work anyway. [09:24 PM] Wack'd: Ben, meanwhile, is taking all this really hard. [09:25 PM] Umbramatic: aw... [09:26 PM] Wack'd: He's also decided to stay in Liddleville. The world has other superheroes now, and he's earned a normal, idyllic life. [09:26 PM] Wack'd: (The fact that Doom turned off all the fake villagers does not seem to be something he's noticed.) [09:27 PM] Umbramatic: Ben: The Last Man On Fake Earth [09:28 PM] Wack'd: So! Here's the plan. Turns out Doom built a real miniature particle accelerator at Reed's fake miniature college because Reed would spot a fake. [09:28 PM] Wack'd: So all they have to do is get it to spit out some cosmic rays. Easy. [09:28 PM] Umbramatic: excuse me what [09:29 PM] Wack'd: To which part? [09:29 PM] Umbramatic: the first bit mainly [09:29 PM] Wack'd: Yeah uh [09:30 PM] Wack'd: Doom wanted to taunt Reed with some cool science he couldn't play with to make Reed miserable [09:30 PM] Umbramatic: omg [09:30 PM] Wack'd: But he also knew Reed would know if it was a fake cool science [09:30 PM] Umbramatic: that's deliciously petty [09:30 PM] Wack'd: It issssssss [09:30 PM] Wack'd: So, as they're debating who gets a power up first, Ben has a change of heart and demands to go first. [09:31 PM] Umbramatic: Ben: This is insane. ...I’m in. [09:33 PM] Bocaj: Hahah [09:33 PM] Wack'd:

Alicia: ben you dingus i literally sculpt real people with pinpoint accuracy, you've seen my work, and also we've touched each other...a lot... Ben: Yeah I know but I got that danged body dysmorphia

[09:33 PM] Bocaj: Aww [09:34 PM] Umbramatic: awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww [09:34 PM] Wack'd: I joke because I love [09:35 PM] Wack'd: Ben/Alicia 4ever [09:35 PM] Umbramatic: ye [09:35 PM] Umbramatic: (though i felt the body dysmorphia part) [09:37 PM] Wack'd: With their powers restored, all they have to do is fight a bunch of miniature robots, scale the walls of their fake city, climb up to Doom's workstation... [09:37 PM] Wack'd: Aaaaaaand he took the battery out. [09:37 PM] Wack'd: Now the workstation can only turn left 😛 [09:38 PM] Umbramatic: -gasp- [09:39 PM] Wack'd: So! New plan. Use the Liddleville river to flood Doom's office, stick some live electrical wires in there, and hope the alarm goes off. [09:39 PM] Wack'd: No dice. [09:39 PM] Wack'd: They're gonna have to find Doom and bring him to them. [09:40 PM] Wack'd: And since Reed and Ben have fairly limited top speeds, and Johnny's flame can run out without rest, this task falls to Sue. [09:41 PM] Wack'd:

Reed: No! I can't permit you to go against Doom alone! Sue: Please, Reed! Must we go through this every time a dangerous task falls to me? I've proven time and time again that I can handle myself in an emergency situation. I'm the only one who can go. And you know it.

[09:42 PM] Wack'd: Sue puts up a good fight against Doom, pelting him with force fields, but she's still as big as a fingernail, and all he really has to do is put a cup on her like she's a bug he's found. [09:43 PM] Wack'd: But the goal is accomplished. Doom is going to check and make sure the other three aren't making any trouble. [09:43 PM] Wack'd: Just like they wanted. [09:43 PM] Bocaj: Good job Sue [09:43 PM] maxwellelvis: Was this inspired by the 1967 Fantastic Four cartoon intro?  [09:45 PM] Wack'd: ...hahahaha it coulda been! [09:45 PM] Wack'd: Oh hey, that's where this meme comes from

[09:46 PM] Umbramatic: this was a meme? [09:49 PM] Wack'd: 106k notes on Tumblr [09:51 PM] Wack'd: AND SO! Doom does not blindly stride into this childish trap, and then electrocute himself. [09:51 PM] Wack'd: He angerly fires some energy beams at the childish trap because he feels insulted. [09:51 PM] Wack'd: And then Reed, Johnny, and Ben use their powers to trip him into the childish trap. Which electrocutes him. [09:52 PM] Bocaj: Wow [09:52 PM] Bocaj: bad show doom, good show reed, ben, johnny [09:52 PM] Wack'd: This somehow instantaneously shunts everyone back into their real bodies. [09:53 PM] Umbramatic: welp [09:54 PM] Wack'd: Also, Doom is now in a stasis coma in his suit. [09:54 PM] Wack'd: To ensure he stays that way, the Four decide, well... [09:55 PM] Wack'd:

[09:57 PM] maxwellelvis: I must admit I am curious to see how he gets out of this one eventually [09:59 PM] Bocaj: If you die in Liddletown you die in real life [09:59 PM] Wack'd: Anyway, the quote-unquote "brand new story by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby" is a rejected script for the 1978 animated series, adapting Doctor Doom's first appearance. [09:59 PM] Wack'd: It is also not available here. So I am going to write it off as no big loss and move on. [10:02 PM] Wack'd: I did like this story, though! I think it coulda stood to spend a little less time on the mechanics and a little more time on how everyone felt about this situation, but overall it's really good.