#yes all of these experiences happened to me

[choshasan]

to add *my own personal experience with OCD and intrusive thoughts* to this, because, personally, I see a lot of people with OCD speak of their fear of accidentally s/a ing a kid, and while I know there are other people out there with the same fears as me, I don't often hear about some of mine so, I'll gladly share some in hopes it makes people feel seen and left alone;

-(Fear of) secretly being attracted to my relatives

-(Fear of) groping someone, specifically in public

-(Fear of) doing innapropriate things in a non-private environment (i.e., getting myself off in a store)

-(Fear of) committing necrophilia

-(Fear of) killing my cats(or pets), cooking them and then eating them

-(Fear of) tearing/hacking one of my own limbs off (specifically just to see what it feels like)

-(Fear of) Committing criminal arson

-(Fear of) running someone over (I literally do not drive.)

-(Fear of) Biting into a knife with the blade pointed down (I wish I was making this shit up)

Literally I have zero chances of any of these happening. I still live in fucking fear that they will happen at some point every fucking day of my life.

Otherx extrenely unpleasant intrusive thoughts I get include;

-random thoughts of my closest friends in intimate situations (in the bedroom)

-random thoughts of the people I love dying. Of literally anything.

-random sance of anxious paranoia that people are stalking my family / our house

And just.. so much more stuff that isn't coming to mind rn and that I don't want to come to mind rn, or ever..

OCD is really just.. not being neat and "NEEDING" things to be "perfect"

Like.. it's not even neat for me..

Yes, I *need* certain things to be a certain way, which I feel would drive even the common folk insane..

Like, in recent years, I've developped this thing where, I have like.. A LOT of posters and, I *need* them all to be offset and not perfectly straight, like, if they're too well lined up, it drives me insane..

I also *need* my essentials bin (the place where I keep stuff like my meds, lotions, hair brush, hand sanitizer, deodorant, perfume, eyedrops, etc...) to be a mess.. like.. everything is thrown about in there if it's neat and clean and all lined up, I can't find shit and just am overwhelmed with the urge to grab that box and give it a big shake to make everything fall over..

I just have all these weird fucking *needs*

I really wish I was just stuck with this romanticized version of OCD bro.. just needing everything to be neat and clean and "perfect"

Instead I'm stuck with horrifying intrusive thoughts and weirdass fixations..

[housederiva]

so now that veilguard is out and digested, what would you say the best place for a complete newcomer to get into dragon age is? does origins still hold up as a fun opening game fifteen years later?

Dear listener my advice is to play Veilguard before the first 3 installments. I genuinely believe that it would be enjoyed more if you don't know what has been lost/what has been taken from you cut beforehand. The only thing from the first 3 installments that matter in Veilguard is one possible choice your Inquisitor makes, romancing Solas (If you don't have a previous inquisitor I highly recommend making her a Lavellan who was/is in love with him in Veilguard's cc, they have a beautiful story)

While Veilguard is a good RPG, it is not a good Dragon Age game. If you know what shoulders it's standing on, the luster will wear off very quickly. I love it for what it is and I will mourn it for what it is not - and that's okay in a sad, almost bitter way. Inquisition was game of the year for a reason and subsequently Veilguard wasn't mentioned at all for another

On the flip side though (and please keep in mind I'm saying this as someone who played origins in 2009) Origins, Awakening, 2, Inquisition, and most of their DLC's are a branching, beautiful story that will leave a permanent mark on your heart And you can choose what those marks are because your actions in origins ripple out into Inquisition (some more so than others). It will echo out through any other media you love in the future and depending on how old you are it will rewire bits of your brain because let me tell you playing Inquisition at 15 did something to me. Yes, the combat mechanics aren't the greatest in Origins and 2 is a little annoying to play on PC but their stories are wonderful...

What is it like to be thrust into a position of importance and did it stem from choice or survival? Is conscription liberating or a chain of resentment? What is it like to lose your home only to slowly build another that you love and cherish just to watch it crumble away? To know that no matter what you do, it was for nothing? What does it mean when you are suddenly a beacon of hope for a people that possibly are not even your own? What does it feel like to be held in such a regard that you are seen as the voice of a god and no longer a person? Are you afraid that your name will be erased - your culture will be erased, and you will just remain your title just like the one that came before you?

If you have no prior experience with Dragon Age play Veilguard first. That way you won't be upset about what has happened to [redacted's] character or the fact that tranquility is never mentioned and several other things that I don't need to go into here. But without playing the others first, you won't understand the severity of the Blight, your tether Varric won't be as strong, the injustice done to the elves and dalish will go unnoticed. You won't know what it means to be a mage in southern Thedas. You won't know what it means to be castless or saarebas, you won't know what vallaslin is.

If Veilguard is the first experience you have with Dragon Age then you won't know the teeth the series used to have, you'll only have what they're passing off as a growl and you'll be satisfied with that

[abnormalcandylimbs]

1. What category of alterhumanity do you belong to?

Polymorph alterhuman, otherkin, copinglinker, otherhearted, fictionkin.

2. What/who is/are your types?

Polymorph and harpy otherkin. Specifically, polymorph cladokin and harpy cladokin. (Also polymorph alterhuman.)

I identify as all types of harpies, from the ones that are just birds with women heads, to the gangly rotting hags, to the fluffy feathered feral bird women.

I also identify as all type of polymorphs and I identify as the overall state of being a polymorph.

And I’m Joel Dawson fictionkin from the 2020 movie Love and Monsters.

3. Do you experience shifts? If so, can you tell us your most common shifts and your strangest cameo shift (if you've ever had a cameo shift)?

I experience shifts. My most common are mental shifts and then phantom shifts.

Strangest cameo shifts: As a polymorphkin, I get cameo shifts all the time. I was at Giant one time with my dad. I was having a very intense (what I think was a) dragon cameo shift. I could feel fangs, snout, a tail, claws, and wings. I was making what was probably weird facial expressions as I was trying to get used to the feeling of the muzzle and fangs.

As I started stretching out the wings, this little girl and her mom walked by me and, I kid you not!, the girl’s face lit up with joy and wonder, pointed and looked up at me in the eyes, and said “A dragon! 😃”. The mom then yanked her away and said something like “Don’t point at people.” Lmao.

My dad was so weirded out and confused lol. 😂 But I was so happy. <3 I wish that I could have been a harpy shift that was noticed, but this was still an incredible experience that I’ll always remember.

And yes I did look behind me and no, there were no dragon items behind me.

4. How do you experience your alterhumanity in everyday life?

Hmm. Well, I see myself as a harpy that just doesn’t have feathers nor wings. I try to incorporate aspects of harpies into everyday life.

Also on all levels but physical I am a polymorph. Literally I do shapeshift, just not physically. (If that at all makes sense lol😅?) I am constantly copying, reflected, and shifting (nonphysically) depending on what’s around me, to fit in my environment.

5. What do you think of the community?

Overall I love it. I love how welcoming it is. And I love how a week or so ago I (a harpy) drove a siren and then had dinner with some werewolves haha. I do wish there wasn’t so much petty drama whenever someone doesn’t believe in everything the other person believes in. What happened to this being highly theoretical and based on nonproven stuff?

If we want to cancel someone it should be because they are genuine danger to society or to the community. Not because they didn’t tag your identity in a post or because you don’t like their hobbies.

(Not saying this happened recently, just that when it happens it makes me roll my eyes.)

6. What are the things that make you most comfortable and euphoric in your alterhumanity?

My gear, shawls and warm loose sweaters, sun bathing, bitting individual seeds off granola bars, overeating 🥲, vocals, drone videos, bone collecting and cleaning, collecting shinies, jewelry, corvidcore and cryptidcore clothing, eating Greek food.

Things that make me feel overall nonhuman and/or animalistic. Floating in water, practicing mimicking the movements/body language of animals and people, mimicking animal noises, drawing.

7. Are you experiencing species dysphoria?

Yes. It’s not as bad as when I was younger, when seeing my reflection would cause me to fall to the ground crying. But it is still there.

8. What advice would you like to say to a young alterhuman who has just awakened?

Take your time. There is no rush to find yourself.

Also use vague wording when journaling. Example: “I had a wolf snout shift=❌” , “I had a phantom shift of a long snout that was pointed and had sharp but strong teeth and fur=✅”

9. Do you have/want to have gears?

I have a pair of wings and tail feathers made of foam. Ear cuffs with feathers. A yarn tail. A mask of my copinglink type and a harpy mask. Some collars and a harness. Lots of jewelry. Shawls and cozy sweaters. Fangs. Bird feet.

10. Do you know/have any theories about the origin of your alterhumanity? If so, tell us! (all beliefs are legitimate)

For being a polymorph, it’s a mess of reasons. 😅 For being a harpy, I don’t really know. For being Joel Dawson, it’s solely spiritual. TLDR Do to isolation from people I imprinted on many animals. I derived my behaviors and instincts from animals, instead of people.

Yeah it’s complicated. If you’d like to know more read this old Amino post. It’s a bit outdated when it talks about my mental health, medication, and sexuality, but overall it’s still very accurate! :)

http://aminoapps.com/p/yld4a20

11. Tag someone/a creature to answer these questions!

@meowing-creature

@vulpenthefox

:3 Would love to read what you guys say! (Also I’m sorry if you’ve already completed this.😅)

If you are a alterhuman, reblog and answer these questions!

(don't be afraid to write a lot, do what you want ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯)

1/ Which category of alterhumanity do you belong to?

2/ What/who is/are your type(s)? (if you have any)

3/ Do you experience shifts? If so, can you tell us your most common shifts and your strangest cameo shift (if you've ever had a cameo shift)?

4/ How do you experience your alterhumanity in everyday life?

5/ What do you think of the community?

6/ What are the things that make you most comfortable and euphoric in your alterhumanity?

7/ Are you experiencing species dysphoria?

8/ What advice would you like to say to a young alterhuman who has just awakened?

9/ Do you have/want to have gears?

10/ Do you know/have any theories about the origin of your alterhumanity? If so, tell us! (all beliefs are legitimate)

11/ Tag someone/a creature to answer these questions!ㅤᵕ̈

[marimayscarlett]

Hi I’m back back, back again! With more questions!

The fandom calls Paul and Richard guitars husbands right? But to help a relationship status to married you have to gradually progress through the stages of like: pining, mutual pining, dating, boyfriends and then finally married.

I was wondering what pictures or gifs/videos represent those stages for our dearest guitarists?

If I forgot one feel free to add one or remove one if it doesn’t have any fitting content! 😌 🖤

Hello dear, and thank you for your ask! 😊

I have to admit, though, I found this ask a bit tricky to answer at first. I kept going back and forth, trying to establish a clear timeline for Paul and Richard’s, let’s call it loosely, “relationship.” In some ways, that’s possible. At the start of the band’s history, we have a popular example of looks exchanged that could definitely be interpreted as “pining” or “longing”:

(GIFs by @ukulelette)

Later on, there were repeated moments on stage where they looked for closeness or looked out for each other:

Nowadays, there are wonderful moments on stage filled with cheekiness, emotions, joy, and surely also some kind of love between two people who’ve worked together for 30 years, experienced so many life situations together, endured a lot in the band's life and in general..:

(first gif by @sechsherzen)

And yet... the story between Paul and Richard always seems incredibly dynamic to me. They started out as young musicians who discovered a lot of common ground in their musical visions (I think I recall Richard saying something along the lines of “he completes me”). At the same time, they were also musical rivals in some ways, given they played the same instrument. Two people with strong opinions and firm points of views in things, who sometimes wouldn’t accept any other viewpoint but their own. They are so similar, yet have their struggles, especially to see that they're so similar it seems.

But they always manage to come back together, no matter how difficult working together might be - even going as far as seeking help for their communication (Olsen Involtini apparently played a big role in ensuring that harmony was quickly restored, as mentioned here). They maybe do it simply because they see the bigger picture. They see that enduring personal differences is worth it for the good of the band. They share the same drive to make things happen and, over the years, have learned to listen to one another and give each other space to express themselves.

If we indulge in the “Paulchard” fantasy, we can find moments of connection (body contact or just looking out for each other) at various points in the band’s history. It’s difficult for me to identify a clear chronology here - whether it’s the 90s, the challenging Mutter era, or the MiG tour...:

Of course, their warmth towards each other has exponentially increased in recent years! Longing, hugs, kisses, comforting each other, or just being there for one another.... And sometimes really taking their time with each other during these interactions, like in Frankfurt for the plane watching 🥹.

It feels like they can express these things more freely now, in their more mature years, after all their shared experiences - or at least it appears that way. And for that, I’m very happy.

(first gif by @mrsfitzgerald)

So, yes. Paulchard interactions are varied, dynamic, and ever-changing, just as most likely a relationship between people is. 🤍

And for people who like to see the Paulchard wedding with their own two eyes, there's always lovely edits 😄

(some more picture sources: x x)

[necrodette]

TomeWeave Ramble:

TomeWeave art by the incredible @nikoadmeliora! Go check out their art!

While I'm currently working on the fanfiction of Odette's story pre-BG3 (which leads into the game's events), I had some brainworms that I wanted to sprinkle to my fellow Galemancers out there.

Brace thyselves for a very long, very random assortment of lore and romance between my Tav, Odette Taveleyen, and Gale Dekarios.

Spoilers & personal headcanons for BG3 romance with Gale below!

◇ While Odette was attracted to Gale initially, she misunderstood his attempts to prove his worth/value to the party as him being another pompous wizard, and worried that he may be too fond of his own voice without the true mastery of the Weave to validate his claims (since his magic was a bit unpredictable at times with the orb acting up).

◇ Due to this ignorant misconception, Odette was sometimes annoyed by Gale's remarks (like when he's publicly describing his previous relationship with Mystra or when he's unintentionally overly thorough instructing a fellow wizard about the Weave). She was never mean or cruel because that isn't in her nature, but she would certainly be on edge around him or would reply with a witty retort or two.

◇This changes during the Act 1 romance scene. In my headcanon, it happens the night that the party frees the Emerald Grove and there is a celebration in camp all night. After Odette gives an awkward speech to the group (she's a librarian, not accustomed to being the motivational hero of the day) and makes her rounds through the party, Gale gives her a gift: one of a pair of identical blue journals (picked up from the vendor in the Grove). Gale and Odette bespell the journals to communicate with one another, channeling their magics together and connecting through the Weave. It is intimate, honest, unsuspecting. She feels the warmth of his affections for her and she realizes that she had been misjudging his actions.

And yes, the other party members will write in the journals from time to time, and yesssss I spent too much time picking handwriting style fonts for every party member

◇ Before Gale reveals his surname in Act 3, Odette makes a game out of trying to guess it. She'll think of some random noble family or one she'd guessed based on historical names in the region and ask him - sometimes in the most inopportune of times, such as mid-combat or when they're trying to go to sleep.

◇ Odette actually met Tara well before Act 3. She didn't understand the connection to Gale at the time and wouldn't for a while, but...this requires context, so bear with me:

◇ As an Avowed Adjutant in Candlekeep Library (pre-BG3 game events), Odette was often working with Seekers of knowledge who came to the library offering their price of admission: an original work that doesn't already exist within Candlekeep's walls. If their submitted work was not accepted, they could not gain entry within the library and would be turned away.

◇ For years, Gale had requested entry to Candlekeep through submissions of his own poetry and journals, thinking that his experiences as Mystra's Chosen would elevate his works and would certainly be accepted. But they weren't, because works of Elminster's personal accounts already existed in the library that were too similar to Gale's, and so Gale was turned away multiple times (mostly via letters, since it is quite the long trip from Waterdeep to Candlekeep).

◇ But after he was cast out of Mystra's favor and corrupted by the Netherese Orb, Tara took matters into her own paws. She was determined to find a solution to Gale's predicament with the orb, so she took a collection of the recent works he'd made in his grief and regret - mournful musings of a man utterly abandoned by his former lover, his goddess, and the knowledge of his impending doom as penalty for his hubris. Finally, his (unknowing) acceptance to the library (through Tara) was obtained.

◇ It's a temporary acceptance into the library (five days instead of the normal tenday) by offering Gale's journals anonymously and also with the condition that the original work could not be submitted: the Scribes of Candlekeep would need to copy the journals contents while she was there, but had to take it back with her. This condition was accepted!

◇ Odette was elected to assist Tara with her research, which included many sleepless nights of intense research and several early morning teas together. During the five days that Tara was allowed entry, Tara only ever referred to Gale as her esteemed friend or dearest colleague, so Odette never knew who Gale was before meeting him post-tadpoling.

◇ And it was during Tara's last day that she discovered how to temporarily appease the orb via intermittent Weave consumption. She hurriedly said her goodbyes and left the library to tend to personal matters. Odette was a little sad to see her go as Tara's company was quite comfortable and very entertaining.

◇ In Act 1, when Gale (gets on one knee like a gentlemen omg??) opens his mind to Odette to show her truth about the Netherese Orb in his chest, she realizes that the "cat" he's mistakenly mentioned (he's also said 'tressym' before, too, so Odette actually spends a while thinking he had both) before must have been Tara.

◇ Odette doesn't tell him that she knew out of fear that he would be upset that Tara had taken his most personal thoughts and feelings (in the journals she used to gain entry to the library) without his consent (plus, it helped him in the end anyway, right?)

◇ So in Act 3, when the party happens upon Tara on the roof of the Temple of Ilmater, not only does Tara already know and has a warm relationship with her, but she also makes Odette lose "the game" of guessing Gale's surname!

[meduseld]

Please drop the Fairholme party composition please

Lol okay so bear in mind this is part grounded part me being unhinged. But, if you go back to episode 3, we get some firm details: the party is repeatedly refered to as being an 8 member party (there is a shot of them later that only appears to show 7 men but one could be scouting ahead, more on that in bit) and it takes its shape from Crozier's original idea with of course Fairholme taking his place as lead and crucially, Crozier says specifically to "swap in two marines".

That gives us a very clear head start when narrowing down. 8 men, one of which is Fairholme and two of which are marines. Given the real marines manifest AND the show giving eliminating all but two candidates (all the others still living are either shown or mentioned with the ships AFTER episode 3) it has to be Privates Joseph Healey (29, from Manchester) and William Reed (28, Bristol). Which working backwards can be justified narratively, they are both Erebus marines thus familiar with Fairholme and his command, as well as older despite being privates. Plus their boss just got brutally murdered, oof.

So what about the other five? We can infer a couple of things. First in the script Crozier was considering taking both Hickey (a petty officer) and Wentzell (an AB) which means both petty officers and ABs are up for grabs. Second, the composition of Gore's party was pretty similar so we can use it as a template. Gore was also 8 men, himself, ONE marine (Bryant), one officer (CDV), one petty officer (Peglar) one medical (Goodsir) and three ABs (Best, Morfin and Tartnell).

With that in mind, we can pretty much confirm he'd be given another 3 ABs, which brings us to six members of Fairholme's party. These were likely whoever Crozier had picked (in the scripts he decides against Wentzell, who we know stays on the ships, and as expanded on below, he wouldn't be able to take them from Erebus). There are enough not accounted for directly in show or shown post ep 3 to pick from. Lets assume Crozier would give him men that were experienced but not "old" so in their late 20s, early 30s.

I basically picked these bc with that starting point: William Jerry (29, Pembroke and veteran of Ross' Antartic journey thus likely on Crozier's list), John Handford (28, Sunderland) and Charles Johnson (28, Halifax. Yes Nova Scotia. That's why him).

For the final two we know that he wasn't spared any medical officers, and that he almost certainly was not spared any other non-petty officers even warrant ones for two reasons: we see the fate of a lot of them in the show but also Erebus just lost a ton of their command structure: Sir John, Gore and now Fairholme as well as their highest ranked Marine. Crozier needs officers, and especially JFJ needs officers and some kind of sense of normalcy on Erebus so they would probably want to minimize taking even more after a Lt and TWO Marines. Not to mention, Sir John's funeral looks to be attended by enough non-petty officers to support this.

So two petty officers, and for balance let's assume one from Terror and one from Erebus. I assume JFJ would have lobbied for this as well. Presumably you would want to minimize the psychological impact or fighting that could happen from the men thinking the break up was "unfair". Four men a ship tracks, even if there were likely still grumblings about who (Erebites were probably pissed as hell Terror mostly lost ABs and so on). Then there is another factor. We pretty much know that at this point Crozier has 0 hope they are getting out via ships, and that petty officers like Peglar are pretty much idle since their jobs depend on them actually sailing. Factor in that they need to be men we don't see after ep 3 and my votes are for, after checking who is around and their ages-experience:

The Erebus Captain of the Foretop (Peglar's opposite number) Robert Sinclair, 25, of Kirkwall.

The Terror's Captain of the Forecastle (in charge of the anchors as well as the head sails) Reuben Male, 27, of Woolwich.

Despite their ages, both those men had years of service aboard ships. Not to mention it's a relatively balanced pick in similar positions that they can spare. Also keeping the repeating and similar names that this show is so famous for.

Finally, look it:

Fairholme seems to be hauling w his men, a good officer like Gore. There are only seven men in the image which could just be an error but. Let's assume they sent someone ahead to scout, possibly Jerry. I almost would have assumed the other Marine, but one of the haulers looks to be in Marine dress so. By the by, historical Sinclair was apparently only 5'5'' so let's assume he is the short king at the end of the right hand side haulers.

Thank you for joining me in my descent into madness, see you next time

[covenofthearticulate]

@vamptember's 12 Nights of Christmas | Night 12

[Read on AO3]

Louis doesn't know how he'd ended up here. It had all happened so fast— a flash of auburn curls, an insistent tug on his coat sleeve, a soft "Oh Louis, we must!" and that was all it took. If asked, he'd call it a sense of holiday generosity. The word Benji used to describe it last night was: whipped.

He tries not to think of that discussion, tries not to think of the way Benji had teased him when his immediate answer to all of Armand's many requests had been yes, yes, and yes.

But the truth of the matter is: he's beginning to doubt it all as he laces up his ice skates.

Maybe he is whipped.

He's never done this before— never even seen snow until he'd been well into his first century of life and dared to venture from his tropical bayou paradise. Armand had assured him that this would be his first time as well, but Louis already knows that even if that's true, even if Armand has never stepped foot on any rink, he'll still be better than Louis. Armand was raised in the cold; it has always suited him better than it does Louis.

Either way. There are better places to experience ice skating for the first time than the gaudy tourist trap of Rockefeller Center.

The old ratty boots from the rental stand smell rancid and feel even more disgusting as he slips in his feet and feels the cool material inside, crusted over with the frozen sweat of all the mortals who came before him. They're uncomfortable, the way they hug his ankle and press the seam of his jeans into the side of his leg; he looks around to see if the other men and women on the bench beside him are leaving their pants tucked in or out, but there doesn't seem to be a verdict.

Armand must catch one of these stray thoughts because suddenly there's a hand on his back, brushing back and forth with his thumb right between Louis' shoulder blades. It calms him enough for just a moment, long enough to suck in a breath of crisp air and swallow down the ugly feeling of these god awful skates on his feet.

"They're not laced tightly enough," Armand says. "Here, allow me."

Picking up Louis' foot off of the plastic mat, Armand tucks the skate right into his lap and tugs at the laces. For a moment, Louis feels a flush of heat in his cheeks. This feels like something intimate, something significant, the way Armand cradles the pointed blade with one hand and tugs with the other, the way Louis must shift back in his seat and watch like a child. If he were less irritated, he might think of it as some grand metaphor for love.

"It's for support," Armand explains as he releases one foot and motions for the other. "You'll break your ankle if they're not laced properly."

"I don't think I could break my ankle even if I wanted to," Louis snorts.

"Yes, you could."

When he looks up, Armand is staring at him with that scowl— the incensed crease between his brows that only ever shows up when he's frightened and frustrated at once.

With one last tug, he tucks the length of the laces into the front of Louis' skate before allowing him to take his foot back and stand up.

The waddle over to the ice is humiliating enough; Louis makes Armand go first, watches him step over the ledge and onto the rink before offering one hand out to Louis, and suddenly there is no turning back. Already, there are people racing right past Armand, some clumsier than others, and as he takes Armand’s hand, he knows he has no choice but to accept his doomed fate. 

It will be fun, Armand’s voice presses into his mind. I promise. 

The first skate on the ice doesn’t feel the way he thought it would. The ice is choppier than it looks, especially by the entrance. It reminds him slightly of floating, of the feeling he’d gotten when Lestat had scooped him up and carried him away into the night sky. 

He only puts his second foot down when he realizes Armand is already beginning to drift backwards and away from him, a giddy smile pressing up into the round apple of his cheeks and reminding Louis of why he had said yes in the first place. 

“Wait!” Louis shouts like a child, arms outstretched as he leans forward to try and catch his lover without truly lifting his feet. 

But Armand is just inches out of reach, skating backwards with arms held out to Louis. 

“You’re alright,” he assures with a chuckle. “Come now, skate away from the entryway— it’s smoother over here.”

Oh, this is too easy for him. Bastard, Louis thinks, and maybe Armand catches the thought, but Louis doesn’t care. His face is warm all over once again, the heat of embarrassment this time, as he shuffles awkwardly but can’t seem to find traction on the ice. He feels like a newborn deer, helpless and humiliated at the overwhelming vulnerability of trying something new. 

They get halfway around the rink like this— Louis, in his awkward shuffling, and Armand with his graceful backwards skating. It’s infuriating, each time some obnoxious teenager whizzes past him, and every time they come upon a traffic jam with tourists speaking languages his overstimulated mind cannot pick out. But Armand remains, always two paces ahead, smiling back at him; the perpetual carrot, the light at the end of the tunnel, the embodiment of every stupid, kitchy cliche in the book. Louis, it seems, is always reaching for Armand.

With a huff, he eventually tries to launch himself forward to grab Armand’s hands, but the front tip of his skate catches on the ice and, upon losing his balance, Louis catches himself at the last moment on the wall. 

“This is ridiculous,” Louis breathes as he rights himself. 

The only thing he gets in reply is a loud guffaw from Armand and it’s, it’s— 

“Excuse me,” says a tiny voice from behind him. 

He can only turn his torso, but in the time it takes him to do even that, the little girl is skating right around him. She can’t be more than six years old, bundled up in a pink puffy jacket and a purple sparkly helmet atop a head of curly brown hair. Already, she’s skating with the expertise of an adult, gliding smoothly across the ice and swiveling around each end every amateur in her way and— yes, alright, Louis will admit that’s pretty funny, actually. 

From his place on the wall, he allows himself to smile, to mutter a small “Pardon” to the little mademoiselle, and suddenly this whole ordeal seems to be somehow put in perspective. He feels small; blissfully small, and human. For that’s what humanity is, is it not? A series of new experiences, year after year. And he’s not so different now, from that little fledgling who used to stare at the moon, and sit for hours in the rain just to feel the tickle of it on his skin. It’s different, but still heart-achingly similar.

Upon glancing up to find Armand, he realizes his lover has come over by his side. 

“She’s good,” Armand laughs. 

“Yes,” Louis replies as the girl speeds off out of sight.

“Lean on me,” Armand offers his arm with a smile. 

“Oh, I don’t know…”

“Louis,” Armand says once more, with a softness now in his voice, and that secret smile only meant for Louis’ eyes. “Lean on me.”

And so he does. 

And as they push off from the wall, Louis grips Armand’s arm tighter than ever before, so tight it might break a mortal man’s bones as they glide forward. 

It’s a different world, away from the wall. Terrifying, exhilarating, chaotic. There’s a part of him, still, that worries about the optics, that feels embarrassed and undignified, and yet that part is silenced every time he catches the glimmer of the Christmas tree lights in Armand’s hair, Armand’s golden eyes, illuminating the always faded but beautifully faint smattering of freckles across his cheeks. It’s nice, leaning against Armand, feeling their solid weight against one another, like young lovers. Nice to feel the strength of Armand’s grip every time his balance wavers and he finds himself toddling back and forth. Nice to even allow himself to laugh every now and again when Armand tugs him impatiently.

They make it around the rink once, then twice, simply skating in silence and enjoying the bustle around them, and Louis wants very much to kiss him, to embrace him right here in the center of the rink like the mortals do in all those wonderfully atrocious movies and—

SMACK!

Louis hits the ice with full force, down and out in one slippery second. It knocks the wind out of him, fills his world with copper as his fangs slice into his tongue and the shock of it all springs tears behind his eyes. Two hundred years, and he’s never fallen so hard, in front of so many people. Behind him, a group of tourists gasp at the wipe out, muttering a sea of oohs and poor guys and that looked like it hurt’s as they skate around him. The lights of the Christmas tree is blinding as he looks up, tries to find Armand, only to realize that he is right beside him, pulling him upright until he’s sitting. 

His face is warm with stolen blood. He knows he should get up, but suddenly Armand’s mouth is on his, and the blood on his tongue is so lovingly lapped, and the sharp sting of humiliation begins to dissolve. Any notions of propriety or embarrassment are too far gone on the hard, cold ice; all that matters now is Armand’s lips, Armand’s hands on his shoulders, Armand’s soft hair tickling his cheek with the gentle gust of winter wind. 

And maybe, just maybe, Louis thinks, as the last of the blood is kissed away, this isn’t so bad after all. 

[venstm]

I want to preface this by saying that I am holding myself accountable for not stepping up and either breaking off the friendship sooner or defending myself properly. As it stands even now I am not someone who copes well with confrontation and would rather stay as far away from it as possible. I’m speaking now because other people are coming forward with their stories and experiences. Whilst I have very few actual screenshots of conversations please understand that the interactions I’m discussing impacted me quite a lot mentally. It’s up to you to decide if you think I’m overreacting but by the end of those six months I had basically decided I no longer had a place in the rpc where I was welcomed after losing that friendship. I’ll be putting this under a read more so look at your own discretion. I won’t be speaking about this again after this.

If terios / ty sees this and decides they wish to unblock me and speak about it in order to see these feelings discussed and resolved im okay with that and if anyone else who has been in a similar situation needs someone to talk to or discuss it with in also open to that.

At the beginning of our friendship things were pretty intense and feeling like you were the main writing partner for someone who had already established themselves a place in the rpc was such a good feeling ? It’s like you really belong and you have someone who is so invested in your portrayal that you feel really important. There were many times where this once good feeling became tarnished by negativity, bitterness and what to me, felt like being bullied or belittled.

I’ll touch on a few things I really do remember quite clearly and be understanding that my adhd / ptsd and other things impact my capacity to retain information all the time I try to be very clear with this when talking with mutuals to avoid them becoming frustrated when I don’t remember everything all the time. they would tell me I wasn’t listening or paying attention when I tried to explain this.

there was a lot of time monopolising that I ended up enabling, this one in particular was mentioned to me by my partner who ended up feeling like I really distanced myself from them and even when I did want / try to spend time with them terios’ reaction would always be to change their tone to speaking bitterly or giving off this change of energy and if you recognise it you know it’s the sort where you’ve done something wrong and you need to fix it immediately.

There were also times where other friends became an issue, terios had problems with someone I was interacting with on dash. At the time I wanted to be in their corner because we were really close, they were my closest friend but these people had also been nothing but nice to me and I didn’t have issues with them. This tension went on for a while until terios let me know that I was two faced for not taking their side fully and I ended up blocking them which I thought was the right answer to appeasing someone who was upset. Yes, this was my fault I should have said no but they were a really important friend to me and I wanted them to feel like they were heard and understood. In the end I lost both of those friends and another friend who told me that if I continued to always take terios’ side in arguments like that I would have no one else left but them in the end.

It also happened when I mentioned that I was watching things with my mutual, we had only just started writing again after not speaking for a long time and terios was instantly making comments about it, usually vague and never good and when I finally said hey you know this isn’t cool to be saying this their response was just that I should have told them that sooner.

They were always unpleasant about Gepard ships that weren’t ours and I don’t know if that was because they just had a bias or not but I remember plotting an almost au verse with a firefly writer and dropping it because they were telling me when and how would that happen why is this something you’re writing ? basically implying that I owed it to some how justify what I was deciding to write for my muse ?

This also happened when I was creating an au for Gepard around being a vampire hunter I was so excited about it and I wanted to tell them and their response was to pick it apart reminding me oh this doesn’t make sense for Gepard’s canon age or this doesn’t make sense for his family and whilst I get caring about canon it really made me feel ? like my spark had just been squashed something I was so excited about just being torn to shreds completely and I never spoke about it again, tobias was there when this happened I had just came home from the gym in tears because I was so upset about it.

As those who interact with me know I am someone who is always earnestly trying to expand my vocabulary and learn new ways to incorporate cool stuff into my writing and there was one time one time when I used a word wrong and I did apologize for it and they ended up bringing it up over and over again for three months and whilst it was a joke in their eyes I don’t doubt it really just made me not want to try to improve my writing anymore and minimised myself to be someone they would approve of.

it also felt like anytime I began to get the confidence to bring up how I was feeling that it was turned around to make me feel worse or shit and like the whole situation was my fault rather than looking at it and both taking accountability and working to find a solution. I found this so challenging because so many times I left feeling like I was truly in the wrong because they had told me I was.

SC:

The last thing I will mention is that they will jump between gepard writers quite frequently. I wasn’t on the receiving end of this but I do know that when they blocked me only a day later then were dming a mutual and friend of mine who they had all but ghosted for those six months asking to write again. While this isn’t the worst thing ever I can only imagine how shitty that must feel and I know when they spoke to me and I said this it really hit home for them that they had been second best for those whole six months despite being there before me. This has happened with other Gepard writers too not just me and that person.

In the end a lot of this shit could have been amended if I told them your behaviour is shitty and it’s making me feel like shit but who wants to be put in a situation with a friend or writing partner where they feel like they have to make that choice.

I still do think terios is a good writer and they’re committed to the sampo they’re shaping but there are ways to interact with people that are kinder and not always with this undertone of being nasty or mean or spiteful. Again, if they or anyone else does want to talk to me about this they can and I trust that everyone can decide who they want to write with themselves. I just want my feelings and story to be heard and others to know they can speak up too.

[erogenousmind]

Agreement

"Amazing things start to happen when you combine all those ideas together," Paul said. Laney could feel his excitement. She could see it in his eyes. It was palpable. She loved that energy. It was contagious. She couldn't help but want to know more. It was so satisfying to listen to someone speak so passionately about something that meant so much to them. She nodded along, eager to hear more.

"Let's say we start with conformity," Paul continued. "You see how someone else behaves or how they respond, especially to a novel situation. A situation where you aren't sure how you yourself should respond. You are predisposed to follow their example and respond the same way they did. The more unusual the situation feels to you, the easier it is to conform. And the more you see people respond that way, the easier it is for you to follow. Or if you feel some special connection with them, it feels natural to do exactly what they did."

That made sense to Laney. She could remember quite a few new experiences she had had with Paul. Times when she didn't know what to do, or what to feel. But the image was so clear in her mind. She had seen what others did, seen how much they had enjoyed it. Seen how Paul encouraged them. Seen what he had done for them with just a few words of encouragement…

"And you couple that with expectation. Where you know what you are supposed to do. Where you've been told what is the right response, the right feeling. Even the right thoughts to have about something. Our minds are so receptive to those kinds of prompts. All it takes is the right encouragement. The right incentives.

"And here's where it gets so much more fascinating. Those expectations. The people whose example you follow. They don't need to be real. You can know they are entirely a product of your own mind. But you make them real. You create your own example to follow. You can even create your own rewards for behaving the way you imagine you are expected to behave. Isn't that incredible?"

"It is!" Laney responded enthusiastically, her eyes wide. She wasn't sure she understood. She could imagine someone in her mind. Imagine how they would act. How they would behave. And that would make it easier for her to do the same? And the more vividly she could picture it, the easier it would be. Something about that felt so exciting to her, but she couldn't exactly say what.

"And here's where you can really start to encourage behaviors. Because you know saying 'yes' makes saying yes easier. How after just a few times, your yes starts to become automatic, doesn't it?" Paul was smiling now happy to be able to share his ideas with Laney.

"Yeah, it does." Laney was starting to get it. She was beginning to understand just how powerful this could be. Using that power the mind had to do amazing things with the way you think.

"So we combine that with even more powerful ideas, like non sequitur," Paul continued. "And when we think about conformity and yes sets, you can imagine what happens in your own mind when you see someone repeating 'yes' over and over again, can't you?"

"Yes," Laney repeated. It seemed so simple. You could see someone agreeing over and over again. They didn't even need to be a real person. It can be someone who was described to you, or someone you invented in your own mind. But you would, subconsciously, want to follow them. Would want to do exactly what they were doing. And if they were becoming more and more agreeable every time they said "yes" then you would too, wouldn't you?

"And that's why it feels so good when you can say yes over and over again. It gives your mind and your body that extra pleasure doesn't it?"

"Mhmm." And it did too. Laney felt wonderful. Paul was right that saying yes would just make her feel better and better.

"So of course, agreeing with me makes it easier to relax, because it feels so good. And that makes it easier to think less about what you are agreeing with. It's easier to focus on how good agreeing feels, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"So it only feels natural for me to think for you since you aren't thinking anymore. You can imagine all those thoughts just drifting out of your head. You can see it, can't you?" Yes. "And if you can picture it in your mind, if you see that girl becoming more and more mindless as she happily agrees, it is so natural for it to happen to you as well. Isn't that right?" Yes. "And the only thing that needs to come into your head is what I'm telling you about how good it feels to agree and follow along with that image you've made in your mind of what happens when you encounter the unexpected when you are commanded to SLEEP

Deep into trance. You see her so clearly as her mind stops. As the Laney in your head surrenders all her thoughts. As she feels my words replace her thoughts. As I think for her. And you can see how good it makes her feel. How excited she is, even without thoughts. And your mind can only allow itself to follow her. So hard to think of anything else but slipping down into that mindless bliss. Isn't that right?

Yes

But the more of you that slips away, the more you cling to my words. The deeper you feel them sink into you. The more they become a part of you. The more you need to follow them. To do as you are told. You want to do as you are told, don't you?

Yes

Becoming more obedient to my words just as you see the Laney in your mind becoming more obedient. And the more obedient she becomes, the better she feels. The picture is so clear in your mind, isn't it? How happy it makes her to obey. How eager she is to be told what to think and do and feel.

Yes

And the image in your mind can take on a life of its own. As Laney is commanded and as she eagerly obeys. You can see her following the suggestions that that deepest part of you needs. See her commanded to become what you have always wanted to be. See her transformed. And if she is transformed, you know you are transformed as well, don't you?

Yes

It is becoming automatic for her. Automatic for you. Whatever thoughts may still be in your head, they are no longer connected to what you do or to how you feel. Laney does as she is told. Feels as she is told. I put a thought in her head, and it becomes part of her. I give a suggestion and she follows it. I command, she obeys. And she is so eager too, isn't she? Yes It feels so good for her to do as she is told. To respond so enthusiastically to everything that is done with her. Everything that is done to her mind. All she can do is say "Yes" Yes And you are like her, aren't you?

Yes

Thinking what you are told. Following what you are told. Obeying what you are told. My words penetrate deeper than any thought in your head. You obey without thought. You might not even notice your response. And that's alright isn't it? Yes All you need to do is agree and do as you are told. Because doing as you are told feels so good, doesn't it? Yes Even as my words slip deeper into you, as they take over your mind and your body, it just feels better and better. Mindlessly following. Because you want this. You need it, deep down. It feels so right to accept it into you. To surrender. And it happens so powerfully, just like you see it happening to Laney. See her captivated. Enthralled. And it can happen to you too. It is happening to you. You know how to let it happen. What do you need to say to allow yourself to feel the bliss of being owned and obedient?

Yes

[ironlamb]

CERSHA'S EYES ROLL SPECTACULARLY AT HER BROTHER'S EXCUSE FOR A JOKE . it is with a sigh that she moves to pinch at the bridge of her nose , that she replies , " whatever you need tell yourself , varyn ." despite spending near the entirety of her life with him , cersha could never understand the appeal of her brother . as much affection as she may grudgingly have for him it was mind boggling , truly . varyn was varyn , she saw him nakedly as he was and had no other choice but to accept him as that , after all , their blood demanded it . however , all others had a choice in this . and yet they chose varyn regardless . chose not to see the facade that was right in front of them . admittedly , it was times like these that leave cersha quite sure that all those around her were fools . she was sure that if the shoe was on the other foot she could see through varyn with ease . however , she supposes he would say the same for her . perhaps in some ways it was simply a byproduct of their upbringing . " i am not acting like a nervous fool ." cersha tone is near exasperated as she drops her hand , as she squints at him in vague annoyance before arching her brows to add , " this is actually a quite unfamiliar process to you called coherent thought . i hope that you might experience it at some point in the future , but at this point i do quite sincerely doubt it ." vaelora was a puzzle that cersha could solve . she was quite sure of it . after all , she had yet to come across a puzzle she couldn't solve . she'd be damned if the one she failed to was the dragon she was set to wed . " if necessary i intend to play a long game in order to obtain the power i have sought all my life , varyn , yes . perhaps the performance may not be needed forever , and perhaps it may not be absolute . but some part of vaelora seems to wish for something soft to protect . do i appear to be that to you ?" cersha snaps in annoyance at her brother's jabs , her eyes rolling with a scoff as he continues . it is with efficiency that she reaches for the nearest object to throw at him . luckily for him it happens to be the pillow on the chair she is sat at . " yes , well , i do not care what you want , varyn . thankfully , might i add ." she makes a face at him as she turns her attention back to her goblet , lifting it to add , " in fact , i'd rather delight in emulating the exact opposite of what you may want in a sister just to vex you further ." it occurs to her suddenly that she truly had no idea how the targaryens seemed to get along so well . did they not irritate each other ? was it all an act ? at the current moment she is quite sure she would trade her brother for an apple tart . " ah , yes , i am sure you are quite familiar with the later ." cersha brings her goblet to her lips with a roll of her eyes . it is only after a delicate sip that she brings her goblet back down to say , " i am quite familiar with the thin line between love and hate , varyn . however , it would be quite a gamble for me to emulate everything vaelora hates and expect her to love me . i do not particularly enjoy gambling with my fate where it is not necessary . leaving my wife-to-be's love for me up to the gods and chance ." a twist of her lips . " how can i trust in such things ? i trust in me , varyn ." a huff . " and if there is a surer path to victory i will take it ." an arch of her brows as her eyes meet his squarely . "so unless there is need to pivot —  to gamble — the plan will stay the same ."

despite herself , cersha can't say she's entirely unaffected by varyn's confidence . while she would do what she wished either way , and while her own confidence wouldn't waver for it , the belief that her family had in her only added to her pride . she would rather swallow a sword than admit it of course . but there was something to be said about having someone in her corner . cersha was notably not alone . lions move in packs after all . so she lets him tap his goblet to hers with a nod , her eyes sure until she is blinking at the strange question . her brows furrow . " happiness is fleeting , varyn ." cersha says simply as she moves to take a sip from her goblet . " i could be happy in the next candle mark and then deeply angry in the next two ." a shrug . " i'm sure there will be joy after my goal is achieved but what i know there will be is satisfaction . fulfilment ." cersha's spine straightens a bit then , a steely glint of triumph in her eyes as she says , " victory . that is more important than mere happiness to me ." she shrugs as she waves a hand dismissively . " and i'm sure happiness will come with it ." winning was something that cersha had become used to . it was a driving force . a goal , in all things . she would be victorious . she would be better . she would outsmart the competition , and then , once she stood on top of the defeated she would laugh at them from above . better . smarter . superior . after all , it is only the best who could seize what they wanted . and cersha was that . it was because she was the best that she was well suited to be queen . she was sure of it . and it was not merely a prize , her skills made her aligned with the position . once she was queen she would cement herself in history as the best at that too . after all, who was her competition . visenya ? it was laughable . she would trump viserys too whilst she was at it . aegon the first as well . and whoever else laid before her . in all honestly , it was fortuitous that cersha was in this position . if she wasn't perhaps she would be fighting for the spot of head of house . she may as well be , with how much of the family mess she took on . as varyn speaks her fingers come up to rub her temples . " enough . you disgust me and any more talk of your preferences in your conquests will have me prepared to lose the contents of my stomach ." cersha says as she brings her hand back down to her goblet , her finger trailing up and down the stem . her brows arch tiredly as her brother continues , her tone blunt as she says , " you see fit to defend her ?" cersha studies him briefly , before she's turning her attention to her wine with a simple, " how curious ." it is something to take note of , cersha supposes . her judgement was absolute in all things . very few were free from it . but it was interesting to note the individuals that people tried to shield from it . it spoke to innerworkings ; vulnerabilities . cersha takes note . if not for her own knowledge , then perhaps for varyn's sake . " yes , well , again i did expect you to father a thousand bastards ." cersha's eyes roll . " i suppose i should only be glad that it has taken this long . although , who's to say ? i certainly would not put it passed you to have more in the shadows , dear brother . perhaps some you are still even wholly unaware of ." another sigh as raises her goblet to take another healthy gulp . it is only once she's put the goblet back down and licked her lips of the bitterness that she says , " if i were truly anticipating my own stress i would have had you castrated long ago and been done with it ." it feels almost like an act of affection that she doesn't . after all , it was only the most logical of solutions , even if it were perhaps a bit messy . however , even now when varyn presumably has a heir to succeed him and will have little need for other children to follow , it is not an option she even truly entertains . she supposes love really does blind you .

cersha studies her brother as he speaks , her eyes scrutinizing as they scan every inch of his face from the way his eyes avoid hers to the careful sip of wine he takes . cersha studies thoroughly and files away . cersha takes only a moment to bask in the position of power she holds in this moment . at the act of her brother needing her help and asking for it . for a younger sister this was quite something to brag over . if only it wasn't also so deeply frustrating . " if she loves the child , then we can use that to our advantage ." cersha says simply then , tone cool with rationale as she eyes her brother with a hawklike gaze . her brow arches . " we can take quite a literal approach to that and threaten said child . a mother's instincts are usually quite predictable ." cersha shrugs as she moves to take a sip from her goblet . " 'speak on this and you both shall suffer' is a simple enough solution , so that is an option ." she gestures to her brother with her goblet then , meeting his eyes to say , " however , if we truly wanted to be rid of the problem , the child could die ." another shrug . " however , if it is tied back to us that may make enemies of the daynes , and that would be rather unfortunate . but it does close the book on this , if that is what you prefer ." cersha hums thoughtfully . she swirls the wine in her goblet with lazy twists of her wrist . she has little intention to actually kill a child . after all , such a thing was truly a last resort . death was a messy option . it left trails of blood in its wake and unless one was very , very careful that trail tended to lead towards equally bloody hands . cersha was very careful . but even still . " however , if this woman loves you or if you can make her love you , as you seem to so freely boast about ." cersha's eyes roll as she waves a hand dismissively towards her brother . " then make her love you anew . come to her in the night in the picture of romance and profess sweet nothings to her ." cersha gestures with her goblet . " tell her you have made a grave mistake and wish to be a family , that this all made you realize the error of your ways ; whatever it takes , you understand . and once you have been sufficiently convincing , get on a knee and propose . in private of course ." cersha meets varyn's eyes pointedly . " and once that is done we will have you both wed . secretly of course . i can have the papers forged to reflect a different date , that is of little consequence . you can both announce it after the announcement of my own betrothal . you will not steal this moment from me , varyn ." cersha makes sure to meet her brothers eyes pointedly again as she gestures to him with her goblet . " ... and once that is done you can spin the tale that you were both so deeply in love that you married during your time in dorne ." the words are accompanied with nonsensical flourishes of her hand , cersha's tone becoming mocking as she mimics the fools that surround her as she says , " and would you look ! such love has resulted in such a beautiful child ! oh hurrah , oh hurray . wine ! celebration !" another roll of cersha's eyes before she shrugs and says , " and with that it is done and you are a father , varyn . congratulations ." it is with a sigh that cersha sits back in her seat , brow arching as she looks at her brother then . there is a curious part of her that wants to test his own judgement . her brows arch . " so , what will it be then ? threat , death , or marriage ?"

"You misspoke. I believe you meant a 'malfunctioning' mind." he chuckles at his own silly little joke, knowing full well the childishness of it would likely annoy her extra hard. It was truly a pleasure. "I shall have you know I very rarely need to rid myself of clothes or dignity to inspire admiration. I simply need walk into a room." Varyn was much too aware of his own ability to turn heads and sneak his way into other peoples hearts and minds. It's not that Cersha was bad at doing the same, only she lacked the warmth he often exhumed that attracted people like pollen did the bees. She was calculated, educated, and she could read people in a way that allowed her to sneak past their inner walls. He was not so skilled, rather, he made people come to him, made them want him. "Eh, I suppose you're right. Though I am not the one marrying what is to become the most powerful person in all of seven kingdoms. I should say, if it were my predicament, I too would start acting a nervous fool. As you appear to do right now."

He raises his hands in defence to her snappy refusal of being 'lectured'. Though the words which proceed certainly imply the need of a lecture indeed. There's a small scoff, at the very forward strategy she put in place to make the other fall in love with her. Typical Cersha, everything was formulaic and perfectly structured. "So you intend to pretend? For the rest of your life? To be whatever sweet Vaelora would like you to be?" a roll of eyes follows and he'll press the wine against his lips. "If only you applied this idiotic approach to being a sister too. We'd all be much happier for it." he jokes again, more so in revenge for her previous reaction at his genuine attempt to provide advice. He should have known better. "Love is not rational, dear sister. You could be everything a person says or even thinks they want -- and they could still never grow to love you." words are casual, there was no doubt in his mind about it. "On the other hand -- you could be everything they truly hate, and they could still love you beyond it. Curious, isn't it?"

He would not speak on it further, nor offer advice should she not ask him to elaborate. If she was so keen on figuring it all out for herself. He would let her. And then laugh at her should she fail. As brothers do. Because much like his previous statement would suggest, no matter the distaste he had for her, he was also cursed with loving her nonetheless. It's how he knew she did not need to 'fake' her way into Vaeloras heart. There was plenty of her to love, just as she was.

Varyn is not at all surprised by the quickness of her response. Cersha had always lived her life with an aura and attitude of someone who knew exactly what they wanted. He wondered what that must have felt like. The confidence it must have inspired to be so sure, so certain of something. He also knew, with the sheer resolve of her voice, she would do anything to succeed. A self-fulfilling prophecy. It was almost...admirable. Though he knew better than to show it. "And rule you shall. You are a Lannister, they'll hear you roar yet sister." -- "And I've no doubt they'll be better for it." he clicks her glass with his own and rests back in his seat, eyeing her with a newfound sense of curiosity. "You will be happy, once you rule?"

---

As the conversation of his bastard is met with a reaction, he groans at the response. "Brothels are so...dull, so overused. There is no challenge to be had. Noble ladies on the other hand..." one had to work to get up their skirts. They were not so willing to risk their honour for just anyone. And lady Dayne, what a challenge she had been. "Suppose all this does reflect less badly on her. She's Dornish, they've no shortage of noble bastards." but they were not Dornish, and should the news get out this would absolutely reflect much worse on him than it would on lady Dayne. "Lucky for me I've a sister whose anticipatory stress has no doubt prepared her for this mishap long ago. --" her question seems out of relevance momentarily, but he can very well assume where it is heading, though he dare not answer. Instead he'll take another sip. "She loves the child." His eyes divert from those of his sister. Varyn always feared she could read his mind, when he was trying desperately to hide it. He cared for the boy. And she could never know.

Her refusal to let him dig further into her own affairs, as his are now 'taking priority' only causes him to wish ending it all sooner. "Go on, what am I to do then?" his arms cross over his chest, his whole body wishing to reject the question he just asked. There was something so humbling, in asking for her help. --- "We'll circle back to that, your betrothed...wishing to treat you equally." Cersha had been right. Something was off. "And trusting you...explicitly."

[bixels]

What did/do you like about Pharah?

Uh, gameplay-wise, I really love characters in shooters who rely on three-dimensional movement techs. Chaining together hover and jump to stay in the air for as long as possible and keep momentum is so satisfying, and picking enemies off from the sky made me feel like a bird of prey. I was a good Pharah main.

Story-wise, there unfortunately isn't much to canonically go off because Pharah is so underutilized and neglected. Her personality's pretty boilerplate "heroic hero" (she's literally inspired by Captain America).

But it's the crumbs/bits and pieces that I really latched onto. Pharah's a confirmed lesbian; her short story with Baptiste implies she harbors a crush on Mercy (fucking thank you.). She's biracial Egyptian/First Nations. She has major mommy issues, having grown up both admiring and resenting Ana. She's the bridge between Old Overwatch, inspired by the idealized heroes who surrounded her childhood, and New Overwatch. She's one of the only inter-generational characters in the cast; someone whose experiences span the gap, which is why I seriously believe Pharah would make a great main character.

There isn't much to go off of, though; she's a very uncomplicated character (she's a soldier for a private military corporation, lol.). But that just means she's a blank slate character, so I've seen fanfic writers run wild and create some really interesting takes on her. My favorite interpretation of her's a dense, herbo gym-bro type (a lot of her liens are about work outs, exercising, and playing sports) who's easily excitable under her seemingly self-serious, armored visage. We see how she tends to gloat and hype herself up when she's on a streak too, so Pharah definitely has a competitive and boastful side under her more professional and militant performance.

Now Mercy? Mercy is a real complex character.

[paleodeer]

These are interesting takes to me, because to me saying something like this sounds similar to "Anyone under 14 cannot be transgender or gay"

I understand that being a therian is a serious identity, and that kids usually don't understand the depth of it, but that applies to almost any identity label. And I feel like if we want these things (not only alterhuman identities but queer identities as well) to be more accepted in society, maybe we should stop caring about what other people (yes, even kids) identify as.

Listen, I'm not bashing you for saying this, and I also try to avoid arguments as much as I can - this is just something I need to point out because the way you two talk reminds me of how transmedicalist folks talk about trans stuff, just change the alterhuman terminology into gender and sex related terminology. The idea that an identity is "rare" and cannot be valid until you are an adult, or that an identity isn't valid if you grow out of it, doesn't really make sense to me. A lot of folks forget that identities are fluid; for some they are always there, for some they come and go. I think a lot of alterhumans can look back on their childhood and find "signs" of the identity being there. And for some ex-alterhumans, the identity really did exist and it was valid even if it did eventually fade. Now, can we not see the same happen with experiences such as gender and sexuality?

Also, certain identities just aren't as intense for some, while it is for others, and their identities are still valid. We all experience life differently! If we start talking about how "rare" and "serious" and "deep" alterhumanity is, we will start throwing each other under the bus sooner or later.

Since there's so little research around alterhumanity, how do we really know if it's as rare as we think? Yes, we're a relatively small community, but maybe it's because most people around the world don't have the words for how they feel yet.

The kids are helping in building the community. Even if the way kids express their identity is different, people around them will notice, and if there are any sort of alterhuman-adjacent individuals around the kids, finally finding the words to explain how they feel can be life saving.

Don't bash me in for saying this..but I don't consider anyone 14 or under who especially has tiktok to really be a therian.

They're more than likley gonna grow out of it. I'm not hating them for saying they are a therian but most people that young don't even know the meaning and seriousness of the identity.

[front-facing-pokemon]

[dykedvonte]

love seeing your takes on mouthwashing and how sane they are. everything's so black or white. I like how you acknowledge curlys abuse under jimmy (which I honestly didn't quite notice when I first watched a playthrough. should rewatch w this in mind) and how that very much doesn't "forgive" his inaction towards Anya and Her abuse under jimmy. I think what happens to him despite all his issues (bc he clearly wasn't OK 😊✌🏼) is very much karmic. I really did hurt huh

I hate the take that what happened to him is karmic as becoming disabled and being tortured is like not in any way an equal consequence for not taking more action against Jimmy. It is a consequence as is the whole game for everyone but it’s one that is very much established as being undeserved and extreme as everyone else’s but Jimmy’s fate.

Thank you for liking my takes but I also try to point out that this exact sort of framing of the events and what happened to Curly is bad especially if you are gonna factor in his own abuse into the equation of his inaction/ineffective acts. It’s like “saying yeah he deserved the abuse he was already going through to escalate because he didn’t do enough” which is like not a message the game tries to deliver at all. It’s like the game shows that abusers escalate

Karma and punishment are not concepts that I think should be directly tied to Curly’s fate especially since during the game and even in discussion he takes on too many consequences of someone else’s actions. Like this framing is the direct thing I describe taking the discussion away from Jimmy, P.E and the factors that created the environment in the first place.

[crow-with-a-pencil]

One year anniversary of the kelp blorbo who changed my brain chemistry forever

Happy birthday Beetle :)