#yeah.... felt this one
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you're in the habit of denying yourself things.
if someone asked you directly, you would say that you love a little treat. you like iced coffee and getting the cookie. you drink juice out of a fancy cup sometimes, and often do use your candles until they gutter out helplessly.
but you hesitate about buying the 20 dollar hand mixer because, like. you could just use your arms. you weren't raised rich. you don't get to just spend the 20 dollars (remember when that could cover lunch?), at least - you don't spend that without agonizing over it first, trying to figure out the cost-benefits like you are defending yourself in front of a jury. yes, this rice cooker could seriously help you. but you do know how to make stovetop rice and it really isn't that hard. how many pies or brownies would you actually make, in order to make that hand mixer worthwhile?
what's wild is that if the money was for a friend, it would already be spent. you'd fork over 40 without blinking an eye, just to make them happy. the difference is that it's for you, so you need to justify it.
and it sneaks in. you ration yourself without meaning to - you don't finish the pint of ice cream, even though you want to. the next time you go to the store, you say ah, i really shouldn't, and then you walk away. you save little bits of your precious things - just in case. sometimes you even go so far as putting that one thing in your shopping cart. and then just leaving it there, because maybe-one-day, but not right now, there's other stuff going on.
you do self-care, of course. but you don't do it more than like, 3 days in a row. after that it just feels a little bit over-the-edge. like. you can't live in decadence, the economy is so bad right now, kid.
so you don't buy the rice cooker. you can-and-will spend the time over the stove. you can withstand the little sorrows. denial and discipline are practically synonyms. and you're not spoiled.
it's just - it's not always a rice cooker. sometimes it is a person or a job or a hug. sometimes it is asking for help. sometimes it is the summer and your college degree. sometimes it is looking down at scabbed knees and feeling a strange kind of falling, like you can't even recognize the girl you used to be. sometimes it is your handprint looking unsteady.
sometimes it is tuesday, and you didn't get fired, and you want to celebrate. but what is it you like, even? you search around your little heart and come up empty. you're so used to denying that all your desires draw a blank.
oh fuck. see, this is the perfect opportunity. if you had a mixer, you'd make a cake.
#warm up#this isn't good#writeblr#this is complicated by the fact i can't stand up too long or i fuckken pass out and <3 hit my damn head <3#but i did take a deep breath and buy myself the stupid rice cooker#and!!! a very cheap sushi kit!!! i have been wanting to try making sushi for literally YEARS#the kit was only like 15 dollars!!!! and i haven't purchased it bc?!!??!?!?!?!!?#..... i didn't get the mixer tho that felt. like a lot. like too much.#on my list is a kitchenaid. one day when i get a check and i have paid off my student debt#and medical debt#i will put that first little bit of cash#into a kitchenaid 5qt stand mixer (with attachments)#i really do just go into their refurbished section and stare lustily at each option#but yeah i feel guilty about the rice cooker even tho i know for a fact this damn thing is gonna be a lifesaver#oh shit also fuck i forgot to mention . poached eggs
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crisis of disbelief
#one piece#trafalgar law#zoro#luffy#‘what ship is this’ sure#lulaw? luzo? law…zo? or is it zolaw. none of these sound like words anymore#well i guess bc they aren’t. they aren’t real words#‘law and zoro never really saw gear 5’ yeah. law saw his giant head in the roof and zoro was basically dead#they felt That tho#and finally#‘i thought you were taking a much needed rest break after weekly comics’#yeah well. i need a new brush bc my old one kills my wrist and there is a STEEP learning curve for me ://#it’ll get easier right. it’ll look better right. RIGHT?!
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So one thing I’ve noticed is that people’s DnD characters may vary but there is usually an underlying thread that they all have in common. This thread is typically related to what that person struggles with the most.
For instance, my betrotheds DnD characters: a bitchy warlock we had to bust out of two different pacts, a sassy barbarian, a reformed drow cultist, and a sunshine fighter cleric.
All these characters were wildly different but at their very core struggle was them grappling with their self worth. My betrothed struggles with their worth a great deal and even with different facets showing their characters all have that too.
Mine all tend to contend with different themes of loneliness and acceptance. Surprise, surprise, the little autistic gremlin yearns to have been met with more love and lasting friendships.
So we’re at breakfast. I am meeting a new friend of my betrotheds for the first time. It’s been twenty minutes since I’ve met this man. I say my theory. He laughs. He starts to describe a few of his characters but specifies that he often has healing aspects. He gives a very broad overview of their character arcs.
I ponder for a moment then said, “Would you like to have my assessment?”
He laughed, “Sure!”
“We’ve just met. It’s gonna get real.”
“Bring it on.”
“I think your struggle is that you feel you must offer something of value or service to people to be worthy of their love.”
His jaw dropped. His fork froze midway to his mouth. A potato fell. He stared into space as this sank in. Quietly he said, “Oh.”
#dnd#ramblies#dungeons and dragons#ffs foibles#he kept repeating it through the rest of the hang out and I got less coherent as I tuckered out but the gist was there#he also mentioned in his dating history how he’d always felt girls he’d dated were moving too fast#and without thinking I laughed and said yeah cause you’re gay and you desperately didn’t want those relationships to go anywhere#you just wanted to be loved but not romantically#and he looked shooketh#and I apologized cause I usually try to limit my deep psychoanalysis of people to one per hangout but he wasn’t upset
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That one episode in TCW
#whitejay's art#star wars shitpost#count dooku#obi wan and anakin#obi wan kenobi#anakin and obi wan#star wars tcw#tcw#Dooku: considered one of the most powerful duelists in the Galaxy#Also dooku: gets captured by a cocaine smoking pirate#I wonder what qui's force ghost felt after seeing them like this#the disaster lineage#Yes I forgot anakin's metal arm srry not srry I'm clumsy like this#And yeah I know my humor's shit lmao#star wars
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was gonna wait 'til I'd done all the poms, but it's been a day, so have Vil with a Salazzle 🍎
#art#twisted wonderland#poketwst#what are they plotting? you don't want to know.#sigh. once again the whole 'i don't wanna do more than two each' thing is coming back to bite me.#salazzle was the immediate obvious one and then there were like two or three others i was really torn between#(milotic is the other obvious-seeming choice but there were others i felt fit more in different ways and...yeah)#then i remembered i don't actually have to draw more than one pokemon so here we are#with the ✨QUEENS✨#(me drawing salazzle's weird little feethands: heheheheh)
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This gig is doing wonders for my self-esteem related to my age tbh
#no one can know i don't like sex#asexual#aging#ace#asexuality#my art#nonburger#yeah yeah i know you're not supposed to put yourself as an artist because of your age#and it's not a race and everyone at their own pace yadda yadda#you try telling me you haven't felt anxious at least ONCE over those things#unless you're one of the talented young ones obviously#...and even then#anyhow#this is a breath of fresh air
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wife
#yeah i'm not dead woo let's celebrate#my art#kuroshitsuji#kuroshitsuji fanart#black butler#black butler fanart#grelle sutcliff#grell sutcliff#anyway i didn't draw SHIT for a good while and when i got back to it i suddenly hated using the flat marker brush???#it's part of what makes my signature distinctive so i used it for that but yeah i switched brushes#oddly enough i'm not hating the more textured look? it gets very pixelated at times but it's not awful#back to the signature- it felt weirdly nice to sign things again#i haven't in a while#if you're one of the very few people who also follow me on instagram you'll know i don't use it on there#and the only art i've been doing these days has been original work so yeah nothing on tumblr#and thus the words 'brain exhaustion god stan' have not been written by this comically large hand in a hot minute#enough rambling this is just grelle art because i love her and i know y'all love her too so i thought it would be a nice comeback piece
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Shen Qingqiu is blowing up the System with his mind rn
[ID: A Scum Villain Comic. First image depicts Shen Qingqiu within the Water Prison, kneeling on the ground with his arms and wrists tied with immortal binding cables. He wears a nervous expression while the System screen next to him with a cheering kaomoji goes "Checking In." to which SQQ reponds "i'm bad". The next image depicts SQQ with now ripped robes holding his tied hands in front of him while Luo Binghe stands facing away from him in the foreground. LBH is holding his hands up to his face with a flustered expression whilst SQQ is looking at his back with a very confused expression and "???" next to him. A caption above them states "One Wife Plot Experience Later..." The final image is in a chibi style. SQQ glares at the system as it says with a smug look "Checking In" to which SQQ responds "i'm doing bad" End ID]
#svsss#scum villain#shen qingqiu#the system#svsss system#luo binghe#bingqiu#mxtx#myart#this is how the whole water prison arc felt to me#sqq was ready to choke the system out for all the shit it was pulling lmao#also feats my fave oblivious sqq moment “why am i experiencing all these wife plots im the villain”#yeah sure sir whatever helps you sleep at night <3#lbh was fighting for his Life when the robes ripped (and he was already having a hard time seeing sqq tied up ngl)#also sqq wearing light colored robes during his widow arc is one of my fave headcanons mostly cause i think he did it untentionally
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his laugh is everything (5/?)
#i didnt have much time but i felt like i need to make the next one because......yeah. its needed#bts#btsgif#dailybts#btsedit#yoongi#min yoongi#suga#bts suga#*gif#rékagif#layoough#usersky
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do yall ever think about bruce/batman!clone danny standing in front of his bathroom mirror after finding out he was a clone and silently tracing his face. The slope of his jaw and point of his chin. The high angle of his cheekbones and the shape of his eyes, the curve of his brow bones and the shape of his nose. The volume of his hair and the way it curls and gets fluffy when it gets too long.
His hair is black the same way a crow's wing is black. His dad's hair is black the same way a black bear's fur is black. His dad's eyes are blue like the ocean is blue. Danny's eyes are blue the same way a glacier is blue.
His dad has a square jaw and straight flat hair, and he tans and gets a face full of freckles when he's out in the sun for too long. Danny burns like a lobster and his face remains untouched. Danny has a sharp jaw and tall cheekbones, and Sam says when he's not smiling there's almost something regal about him. You would never call Jack Fenton "regal" when he's not smiling.
Sam says when he's not smiling he looks scary the same way a stone statue is. Jack Fenton when he's not smiling looks scary the same way that german shepherd staring at you across the street is.
Do you ever think he grew up wondering if he was adopted. Because of course, he has black hair and blue eyes like his dad. But having the same color doesn't make you someone's child.
Or, worse, things he's heard from the other kids and the other parents and even some of his teachers growing up; that he was the product of an affair. And that his dad was just too stupid to notice. And Danny would defend his parents until the day he died, because Jack Fenton wasn't an idiot and Maddie Fenton wasn't a cheater.
But doubt comes in with fickle tongue. his parents swear up and down that he is their child when he asks about either. That Danny just had his grandparents' features, but he was their son and they loved him.
But Danny doesn't look like either of his parents. His mom's eyes are blue like an aquamarine and Jazz's too. And they burn like lobsters in the sun too, but Jazz gets freckles on her face and so does Maddie. And as Danny grows up he doesn't bulk up or get stocky like his dad did, and when he hits puberty he doesn't shoot up like a tree like Jack Fenton did.
He stays small, and they say he's a late bloomer (and he is), or that he just has his mom's height. But he's fast and has good stamina, and some days it feels like he's built entirely different from his family. That the things they went through growing up just didn't apply to him. Jack and Maddie Fenton both had acne and breakouts when they hit puberty, and Jazz inherits it and he's seen the amount of skincare products she keeps on her side of the bathroom.
And then he hits puberty and breaks out maybe once or twice, but his skin stays clear for the most part and the problems and changes his dad went through just don't happen to him.
And the truth is worse than all of the lies.
How horrifying.
#dpxdc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc crossover#dpdc#danny fenton is a clone#clone danny fenton#clone danny#thinking about the inherent trauma that comes with growing up as a clone and not knowing and questioning everything about yourself#thinking about the amount of effort and lying that Jack and Maddie would've had to to do if they wanted to pass Danny off as their bio son#the MEDICAL RECORDS#danny's medical history is completely different from theirs. any generational health problems the waynes have would/could be passed down to#danny and he's completely oblivious to it up until the reveal. he'd have no idea about any medical risks until they hit him before that.#so many little things and inconsistencies that would just build and build and build until it finally came to a head and the truth came out#forever and ever and ever fascinated by the underlying horror of being a clone. there's a horror in being cloned but there's also a horror#in BEING a clone. like yes he could've always known from the start and that comes with its own set of issues BUT. just. him not knowing#for the longest time. the lies and deceit and betrayal. you know how adopted kids come out and talk about how they didn't know they were#adopted for the longest time and how traumatizing and betrayed they felt when they're finally told 15-20 years down the line? yeah that#i imagine finding out you're a clone is a lot like that.#i read a book in middle school once abt a girl moving to a new town with her family and getting these horrible nightmares and noticing how#everyone was acting strange around her. one of her nightmares was about the 30yo police officer being a shambling corpse talking to her#and at the end of the book she finds out she's actually the clone of a dead older sister and the police officer was her sister's boyfriend.#and she was in gymnastics but quit and her parents were so disappointed bc the og sister was a champion/award winning gymnastics player#and i never did finish the book but god am i reminded of that.#i love reading the dpxdc clone danny posts and they usually have him brush off being a clone which is literally totally fine but duUUDE#just imagine his own horror over it. its SOOO good
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My mom (and my sister) said that both baby Stan and Ford are adorable but Ford is cuter and she likes him better and I think my heart is shattered.
This post is dedicated to my favorite kid Stanley panels:
My mom didn’t even like him when I showed the one where he murders those two kids 😭😭😭 that’s the best part!!!
#gravity falls#stanley pines#stanford pines#I just wanna hold him and tell him he’s wonderful and creative and amazing#he’s trying his best#hes just a baby HES JUST A BABY#she doesn’t like that he’s a con man but MAYBE he wouldn’t have become a con man if he had a better support group 😤😤😤#I mean c’mon this kid had practically NO ONE#the only one there for him was his brother#and he was always over shadowed by his brother#everything he did in comparison wasn’t enough#and so yeah he takes shortcuts to catch up and then all he knows to do is lie and cheat because anything else he tried to do got shot down#HE WANTED TO DRAW COMICS DAMNIT#and really he was also pretty skilled in crafting! like foot bot and the boat he built with his brother#he probably just didn’t realize that that was impressive because of course it wasn’t his brother was doing things ten times cooler#YOU GUYS WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND HIM THE WAY I DO#😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#AND THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MY CHILDHOOD#WHERE I WAS *ALSO* OVER SHADOWED BY MY SIBLING AND FELT THAT I WAS NEVER GOOD ENOUGH#AND I’D GET IN TROUBLE FOR SHIT I DIDNT DO#AND WAS CONSIDERED THE SCREW UP#THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT.#SHUT UP.
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hiii may we see niko in your amazing style?
Only if you don't mind silly clothes
#dead boy detectives#dbda#niko sasaki#yeah i have no explanations for this one it just felt right#ask ask ask#thank you so much anon!!
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KYLE ADAMS as GRANTAIRE
mastered by @bikinibottomdayz
#les mis#les miserables#grantaire#kyle adams#gifset#BRUH#I SAW HIM LIVE RECENTLY#he had me giggling SO bad#his relationship with gav was one of the best parts of the show#always having a hand on his shoulder. hugging him every chance he gets. constantly having to pull gav back ...#which is totally foreshadowing gavroche running without warning for the ammo later on... and R trying to shake gav awake :(#and his relaxed nature around his friends.. jumping on feuillys lap.. kissing marius on the cheek. the light correctiv taps on his shoulder#-from the gang.. his friendship with everyone felt so real and made the final battle all the more Miserable (Haha get it)#i mean come on.. him yelling for the guards to kill him.. wanted to throw up in my seat!#oh yeah and his R is gay as hell too. Happy pride month#enjoltaire#or whatever. sorry for yapping Bye u guys#Also preston Bit him. That was really funny
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I love that Isabeau is the one to bring up the "what do we do if you die" conversation cause its a very good insight to his character at the very start of the game. Isabeau is practical, smart, and loves everyone dearly and wants to know how to help them when shit goes sideways. He's the one to ask about Bonnie too, which is a delightful read on how he thinks because everyone else shuts that down instantly as a "That wont happen and cant happen" but we see later in the game it can happen which is such a startling thing for a game to do but justifies the foreshadowing of Bonnie can die what do we do if that happens? Isabeau, despite everything, is also the one who gets to the heart of the matter even if its not something must people are willing to talk about. All without it being part of his friendquest, thats just him naturally. Which! Says so much about him and how he is! His character when its not about his relationship with Siffrin is a very intriguing thing because it feels like a very classic hard intellectual stance that's been softened after many years of learning to better communicate healthily with others. A reflection, if you will, of Odile but in a very drastic direction. I find him fascinating and I also want to scoop his brains out and study them under a microscope to see all his little brain thoughts.
#isat#isat spoilers#in stars and time#isat isabeau#Looks at you. LOOKS AT YOU.#Look if yall are gonna rag on Isa because hes just there for teehee relationship with Siffrin <3 then im gonna go nuclear#Isabeau has so much character and hes not just a silly one sided dimensional character!! I get so fucking peeved about this#Every time he speaks im frothing at the mouth because hes!! So good at communicating!! It gets me wild#Sure sure yeah he has a romantic crush on Siffrin but yall do see the fact that Isa has a very analytical personality right??? RIGHT???#Odile might be the smartest person in the group (im saying this because she has the sus event) but Isabeau is fucking up there!!!#Makes me feel insane when people write him off as pun love silly romantic guy only thinks about how Siffrin feels character#CAUSE!!! HES NOT!!! Siffrin is definitely a weakness of his and does make him forget things but hes sooooooo analytical about everything el#FUCKING!!! APPRECIATE THE GOOD BOY!!!! HES SO FUCKING SMART!!! I LOVE ISA!!!!#(saw exactly one post about how boring Isa was and got Enraged. Saw how people write him in fanfics and felt the air leave my lungs in angy
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Names
#vashwood#trigun#trigun stampede#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#ame draws#i… yeah#I really like how the second and fifth panels came out#while drawing the fifth one I almost felt embarrassed because damn okay what are you looking at him all lovingly and adoringly for…#this was originally meant for vashwood week but yeah#they make me ill
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practice stuff idk
#genshin impact#xingqiu#chongyun#xingyun#chongqiu#dotcircledotart#actually idk if i even want to tag this but whatever lol#rendering practice + faces bc i felt like i was getting stuck in one angle :’)#anyways idk what else to say#oh yeah inspired by xingqiu’s in game sticker bc i find him terrorizing pyro slimes oddly endearing#like hell yeah get your reading light i guess#also please do not take this as sxual thanks
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