#yeah i did that i made them sad
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From me to you, have a melancholic… no thats not the right word- bittersweet! yes thats better.
Have a bittersweet ‘The Stanley Parable’ PMV..
+ heres the thumbnail for the youtube one
#animatic#the stanley parable#the stanley parable ultra delux#the stanley parable narrator#stanley and his bucket#narrator x stanley#also the narrator in this???? hellllo 😳#tsp stanley#THEYRE SO 💥#idk if i can do this#iamfluffle art#GOD THEY ARE JUST SO FUCKING MMMMM#THE NARRATOR KNOWS STANLEY LIKES HIM AND STANLEY DOESNT KNOW THE NARRATOR DOES SO ITS A DOUBLE SIDED ONE SIDED FEELINGS#yeah i did that i made them sad#but also so happy#have a bucket
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Daddy, don't go.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#jiang cheng#jiang fengmian#Scenes that are tragic but still made me laugh: JFM wrapping the boys *right back up* after finding out it was YZY who tied them up.#I know he did it because he understands the severity of what's going on in lotus pier & the need to protect his children.#But it also comes off as 'Oh your mother said so? Yeah I'm not overruling her. Listen to your mother kids. I gotta go.'#You guys ever think about how the last time Jiang Cheng saw his parents alive it was them both pushing him away one last time?#I do!!! I sure do!!! Now you can too! Welcome to my sad little club. The refreshments are all saltwater.#And the subtle difference in who the parting is intended for. YZY meant to leave WWX with JC as a protector. JFM wants them both safe.#The reveal that Zidian responds to JFM aches so badly.#The fact the weapon she literally lashes out with also reveals her heart is so poetic.#I sure hope they can reconcile their feelings. I hope it all works out.#This is the last of the math boat jokes. Back to labeling the boats properly after this.
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missing ranchers forever and ever and ever (a redraw of THIS from a year ago)
[click for better quality! + closeups under the cut]
#i haaaate drawing shirts. i hate them i hate their stupid sleeves#and their stupid collars. it doesnt make sense and its stupid and difficult#its why i never give tango any. i cant do it more than once#anyway. RANCHERS! in honour of the wip currently sat at 10k that made me sad abt double life again (it's fluff. why am i sad)#juno.art#double life smp#dlsmp#jimmy solidarity#tango tek#tango tek fanart#jimmy solidarity fanart#double life fanart#life series#trafficblr#traffic series#solidaritygaming#solidarity gaming#tangotek#life series fanart#also yeah i kept tango's colours the same as his secret life ones. he just looks really nice with the pinks etc#(dedicating this to my mother too. who looked and went “aw what a lovely bf and gf”#and then stared at me awkwardly when i said neither of them were the gf. she did like the drawing tho
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Never has "you praise a male character for the same traits you hate a female character for" been more true than with how fans react to Astarion vs Minthara
#sophie.txt#like sorryyyy their traumas made them both worse people#they were abused and decided 'ok well i simply must grab enough power so I can be the abuser now'#and yes astarion can be dragged kicking and screaming into becoming a better person whereas minthara can't#but also astarion is able to confront his abuser in a meaningful way#while you can kill orin for minthara#her primary abuser (and the primary abuser for all drow) is lolth. a god#and wtf can u do about that#they were also both in extreme positions of privilege before where they were able to oppress and abuse others#astarion as a noble magistrate who used his power to further marginalize the gur#and minthara as a drow matron in menzoberranzan where she almost certainly owned slaves and did all the typical drow matron stuff#like. both deeply fascinating characters!#however. one is coddled by fans and cheered on when he's mean#while the other. well#like yeah they're both victims they're both terrible people they're both mean they're both sad wet and pathetic#if minthara was a man ppl would be feral over her genuinely#baldur's gate#bg3#minthara
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masochism tango
#.png#qsmp#qsmp slime#slimecicle#qsmp mariana#el mariana#slimeriana#fanart#eyestrain#yeah i forgot why i drew them as animal hybrids in their slutty little outfits for this#i think it made sense at the time#oh wait this was for halloween there we go#fun fact i did the Initial First Sketch of this in my notes app because i couldn’t be bothered opening csp#since i was about to go to bed when i first got the idea#another fun fact is all the base colours were picked from a sims screenshot i’d been messing around with#to make it look like twilight#not of my sims of these two. it was a sim i was using to romance caleb. hence twilight#anyways don’t know how i feel abt this drawing but i’m releasing it into the world anyway! yippee!#so many textures are lost in tumblr compression this is so sad
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i cant get over the whole time in the real world rick just sat there watching over morty and when he woke up finally rick sounded SO happy the way he just yelled his name excitedly the second he woke up,,,
#i miss them already….#AND ALSO AT THE END. MORTY WAS KIND OF IN A WAY WHAT STOPPED RICK FROM JUMPING INTO THE HOLE TO SEE DIANE.#you saw him like look sad for a second that he wouldn’t get to see her but then his expression changed to a firm one when he decided he was#-going to put mortys picture on the wall and then his little smile after he did… morty isn’t dianes replacement hes even better than that#THATS HOW I SEE IT THOUGH. one of the biggest appeals of r&m to me is just how they are eachothers absolute favourite and they outweigh-#-everything the others ever known. i think this episode really showed that alot.#despite everything he’s seen and experienced mortys biggest fear is rick not caring about him#and like. that’s funny bc that’s a thing where everybody knows for a fact that’s literally impossible#the biggest contributor for why SO many things in the show have happened is rick loves morty more than anything#also that one part in the whole sequence with them growing up where it showed r&m drinking togehter that made me so happy bc like#it was one of those moments where i was like. Oh yeah duhdoy i almost forgot they’re going to be best friends for ever and ever#hhhgg. so many good things so much so much. also im probably not going to touch this episode for a week lol#i Need time ok.#rick and morty#rick and morty spoilers#odiespeak
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closing #heyteo 💌
i want to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart who's ever tagged me in their posts! i can't put it into words how grateful i am for having such talented, sweet people around me that wanted to share their beautiful creations with me. i cherish them all and i hope yapping in my tags conveyed that. Honestly i could talk about them in great lengths (and mostly i did...) so this is why i feel like i think its right time to wrap this up - i feel bad when i can't sit down, talk my ass off and give my full attention to each and every single post. Sadly i don't think its possible for me to do it now which is why i am writing all this, with a tear in my eye honestly. I checked and saw i have 925 (and counting!) posts in this tag and first of all - that is CRAZY! I am so grateful you have no idea. I really, really cherished this little corner of the internet that i called my own so this is all bittersweet but i think it's for the best! Lastly, i don't plan on going anywhere just yet so of COURSE feel free to tag me in anything you think i shouldn't miss (especially Jeonghan and your selfies... of course) - you already know a block of tags will be coming your way! And for being my amazingly talented friends i wrote little thank-you notes for everyone that made #heyteo one of the best decisions i made on tumblr 💌 I appreciate you all SO so so so much!
@jeonwonwoo -> my angel and the reason i even made this tag miss zaynab! We would be here for weeks if i started talking about how thankful i am for your existence. My no1 source of Jeonghan gifs, someone who perfectly matches my freak - thank you the MOST! (And ofc you can still expect me to go on tangents under your gifs i mean... that's what this blog is all about!) Love you!🩷🫶🏼
@kimsuyeon -> my talented lili, with the most wonderful gifs that are just so YOU! Always so wonderfully curated and colored, your idol + era collection is for the HERstory books if you ask me. Thank you for sharing them with all of us. i am so happy to have you around and i am thankful that you have been one of Thee contributors to #heyteo 🫶🏼🩷
@pink-vacancy -> i think it wouldn't be wrong to call you my yuna and mina supplier 🤭 cherry yuna is for the history books and you are the biggest contributor to that fact! thank you so much for always tagging me and making my tag a tad bit spicier and sexier with the gorgeous, stunning women you gif! love you and appreciate you SO much 💌🍒🫶🏼
@scouped -> MAX you are such an integral part of #heyteo through your many sideblogs and i am always so so sooo grateful for it! i love everyone but of course i love svt just a tad bit more so seeing your sets always made me so giddy and excited 🫶🏼 again, one of the people that really pushed me to make this tag in the first place so i want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. love you!!! 💖🌟
@vcrnons -> j!!! my dear sweet darling J that wanted to kill me on more than one occasion. thank you so much for tagging me and sorry for all the things i said under your gifs its like they hypnotize me... And ofc i am excited to be annoying under your tags in the future 🫶🏼💖💖💖
@scoupsies -> my naya funniest sweetest most talented darling... You've been thee highlight of my user tag - and i promise i will still be yapping under your gifs like how could i not?! you best believe i will be checking you blog so i don't miss anything because well that would just be devastating for me. thank you so much for tagging me i love you & appreciate you SO much!!! 🫶🏼🩷💌
@neonsbian -> my wayv supplier and source of updates 🤭 thank you so much vinnie, for always tagging me in everything so far & i always enjoyed seeing my twin yangyang in the tag (for better or worse) 💖
@no1boa -> lulu! absolute master of gifs thank you SO much for always tagging me in your dreamy, beautiful creations. honestly i will miss them SO much... so expect me to go through your blog like a morning newspapers and look for new sets 🙂↕️🫶🏼🤍
@taeiltual -> i always say this in the tags but every single company would benefit from a BexTM master class on editing! Thank you so much for sharing your works and thank your for tagging me 🤍🫶🏼🌟
@facethesuns -> em your posts always make me feel like ground is shaking... Thank you so much for tagging me in your stuff & of course i am excited to keep yapping in the tags in the future 🙂↕️🙂↕️🙂↕️💖
@ningtual -> MY SUNWOO SUPPLIER oh henna this is for the better or worse because my blood pressure rises whenever i see him... thank you for tagging me in your beautiful aespa edits (and nunulino...) love you mwah mwah!!! 🫶🏼🩷
@talksaxy -> even though we haven't been mutuals for a long time, whenever you would tag me in sungchan you best believe i would kick my feet and get giddy... thank you so much for adding a beautiful fawn touch to my tag! & ofc expect me to be in your tags either way, and yeah this kinda reads as a threat but you can't blame me really can't you... thank you sooo much. mwah! 🫶🏼🌟💖
@28reas0ns -> oh wwill first of all i want to say i love your vision and how we both sometimes make similar connections... You have such an eye for the aesthetics and it was such an honor to seen every post you made so thank you SO much for tagging me it truly meant so much to me 🫶🏼💖🤍💖🤍
@isabelleadjani -> first of all thank you for using it for its intended purposes (selfies!!!). and second of all thank you for tagging me in your beautiful, gorgeous gifs. You always go one level up and its so evident in the way you present your sets. I would still love to get tagged in your selfies of course thats a no brainer really 🫶🏼 Thank you so much & i really appreciate your presence on here 🤍🤍🤍
@junmail -> oh its been such a delight to see all the junhui in my tag (along with others of course) so thank you SO much for tagging me and sharing your beautiful gif sets with me (and everyone else)🫶🏼💖
@doyeons -> BELLA!!! first of all. thank you for sungah and seohyun gifs that was kinda legendry don't you agree. Thank you for amplifying frommy gifs in my tag they made me so crazy but also... i am very thankful 🙂↕️ And you best believe i will still be under your posts like a pathetic little guy. Kiss!!! 🫶🏼💖
@eightshotamericano -> elly my local jeonghan enthusiast i want to thank you for tagging me in your posts i really enjoyed them always 💖 and i appreciate you for thinking of me, love you!🥹🫶🏼
@seonghwasblr -> I know there wasn't many but i still want to send my virtual thank you card for including me in your beautiful gifs of jeonghan my darling maja i really appreciate it!🫶🏼💖
@jeonwon-wonwoo -> maddie thank you for tagging me in your lessera gifs back in the beginning of the year - it was so sweet of you! 🫶🏼💖 again, a huge thank you to everyone who’s tagged me in their posts. it truly means a lot, and I’m so grateful for each and every one of you who’s taken the time to include me. I appreciate you all more than words can express 🥹🥹🥹🫶🏼🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍
#i looked through my tag and if i forgot someone i am SO sorry it wasn't my intention in the slightest! Whew...#also i already put every post thats in the tag in either my queue or drafts of course i will go through all of them 🥹 and again. it#was such a good decision to make this and i am so so glad i did and it really made me happy so i wanted to close it while i still had like.#positive feelings towards it if that makes sense 😭 sorry i know this must sound insane but i really am SO sad i wont go and have it all#served on a silver platter by my friends but i think this is for the better. i don't have much time to give it my undivided attention and#soon i won't have much time to even be on here so yeah. DOESNT MEAN I AM NOT SAD. i really am it feels like an end of an era almost like i#am letting part of me down the water 🥹🥹😭😭😭 and the way i almost have 1000 posts in it already. God i love you guys all of you 🫶🏼!#tt
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WILLIAM MAGNUSSON ☆ 10 JANUAR, 1997
#Skam#Skam Edit#Skam OG#William Magnusson#I refuse to believe my son is 28 today#but yeah I had to make this messy set just to wish him happy birthday#it looks terrible because I didn’t have time before so I made these in a day 😭#the astrological takes are from a few websites: the imum coeli and astro library#most of them are from astro cafe astrology—the website where I made this particular birth chart#it’s obv not the first time I’ve done his birth chart tho lmao#the only info I didn’t have was his time of birth aka what defines his rising so I did what I had done for my other baby blorbos#used the time of the clip from his POV aka 14:07#it’s a sweet coincidence that his clip aired on the first day of ♋️ and his rising ended up being ♋️ as well!!!#generally I make fun of the h@te people spread towards him back in the day#but remembering some stuff this week made me really sad actually#it just blows my mind that a fandom who claimed to be all about love#would spend so much of their time vilifying and trashing a character ‘just because’#ANYWAY William will always be one of my favorites#I loved watching him grow and become a better & happier person#more than anything I loved watching him find love#it's what he deserved: to love and be loved#Julie Andem thank you so much for loving him too#and for—you know— WRITING him in the first place#:’)#s2#s4
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I know the ask is about ships but could you make a non ship one with Dean and Carlos from the Winchesters? I can't think of an exact thing for Dean to say, but the first sentence can be what Dean would say for their first meeting. Thank you if you can (*^‿^*)
"I like your hair," Dean says, staring up from where he's clinging to the bottom of Mary's winter coat, and Carlos grins wide when he adds, with all the breathless gravity of a four year old eager to impress their opinions upon a new friend; "It's swooshy and it's pretty like Mommy's hair, and your-- your beads are pretty and shiny and shiny is my favorite color."
"Swooshy and pretty and shiny is exactly what I was going for, so thank you, little buddy."
Even with almost six years between now and the last time he'd seen Mary, Carlos is relieved to find that they still have a good sense of one-another -- can still communicate silently, swiftly, like they used to when it was life or death. He meets her eye, and her face softens, and understanding passes between them before he slides one of his lucky beaded bracelets -- the bloodstone one -- free.
Dean's eyes light up when he takes it.
When he smiles, he looks just like his mother.
[for this askbox game if anyone else wants to send me a prompt]
#supernatural#the winchesters#supernatural fic#the winchesters fic#dean and carlos#hi anon i love you and YES you can have a platonic dean and carlos ficlet!!!#for the record this is set in the uh... the prime universe? og spn universe?#did we ever reach a consensus on what to call the different 'verses?#but yeah this is a world in which the events of the winchesters didn't happen#so mary got out of the hunting life as she did in spn and lost touch with carlos and lata and ada#and carlos has been on the road#and just happened to be passing through lawrence when he bumped into a heavily pregnant mary with a four year old dean at the grocery store#so here we are :P#cass writes fic#fandom: supernatural#fandom: the winchesters#also now i've made myself extremely sad thinking about a year later#carlos swinging through lawrence again and going over to the house to visit mary and meet her husband and the new baby#and finding the house abandoned and ravaged by fire#checking the local newspapers and discovering that mary had died and her kids and husband have dropped off the map#having to call lata and ada to tell them#and then not reconnecting with dean (and meeting sam) until many many years later#when they happen to be hunting the same monster#and he realizes who they are#and is absolutely distraught over what has become of mary's children#especially the sweet little boy who'd been so enamoured of carlos' pretty hair and jewelry#also i linked to a picture of bloodstone because it is indeed very pretty#and i chose that as the stone used in the bracelet carlos gives dean for several reasons:#it symbolises strength and resilience and encourages growth and positivity generally but also especially during times of hardship#so i've basically decided that carlos helped keep dean safe for many years thanks carlos <3
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Laudna, who died in such a terrible, violent way, waking up confused and afraid and clawing her way out of Whitestone cemetery after her whole family was killed and she was mutilated and put on display and hung from the Sun Tree to taunt some people she had never met, knowing she should not be alive, hearing Delilah's whispers in her head, alone.
Ashton, who died in such a sudden and painful way, seeing the end coming in slow motion as the balcony and the moon got further and further away, landing head-first on the cobblestones and shattering into so many pieces, waking up confused and afraid on an operating table with nobody but Milo Krook, a new friend they didn't know so well and not the person they wanted to see after their family, the Nobodies, abandoned them to die, alone.
Laudna, who died a second time and who's body was treated so tenderly and lovingly and carefully in that time, who's friends travelled across the world and contacted powerful allies from every corner of the world in the hopes of finding some way to save her, and found somebody who could bring her back and fought Delilah for her freedom, waking up back home in Whitestone, surrounded by friends who felt relief and gratitude and love at her return, people who loved her and missed her and was so glad to have her back.
Ashton, who died a second time and who's crumbling body was kicked and spat on and screamed at and abandoned on the cold stone of an unfamiliar place, surrounded by people who once cared for them but now hold nothing but distrust and disdain and disappointment and rage, turning their backs on him the moment they know he's breathing, too angry to even look at him, leaving him to pick himself up and put his own pieces back together and try and find a way to carry on knowing that nothing will ever be the same.
Long ago, on the airship, Ashton told Laudna that he wishes he knew what it felt like to come back to life surrounded by friends instead of being scared and confused and alone. Now they know, and it's probably worse to them than waking up alone.
#critical role#bells hells#ashton greymoore#laudna#wow i made myself sad#i did not watch yesterdays episode on purpose but ive seen spoilers and it breaks my heart#but yeah i was thinking of this and it make me so sad that ashton finally came back to live surround by friends and it was terrible#once again they think laudna got to have the better death experience and this time i think they'd be right#please no hate or discourse on this post i love them both so much and they've both been through a lot but this is ashtons turn#and Ashton was right! i hate to say it but if he died bh wouldn't miss them they'd probably be unsurprised and that breaks my heart
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Thinking about the convolution of Eleventh Doctor's expressions of love for River Song in Season 7B. He does not trust Clara. He is utterly (wrongly) convinced that he and Clara are playing a grand manipulative game together. “What are you, eh?! A trick? A trap?!!”
So naturally, the last thing he should do in this game is to clue his opponent in on something that could be used to hurt him. Something like River, so painfully near the end of their time together, whose data ghost he can always see, who “it would hurt too much” to acknowledge. He can't let Clara know of the loss which constantly floods his senses; (“You are always here to me. And I always listen, and I can always see you,” he professes, once Clara has vanished into his timestream).
And yet. River fills his every moment (irregardless of any sneaking out for dates with increasingly-young Rivers while Clara is asleep like he did while the Ponds slept, which would explain his absence when the TARDIS is hiding Clara's bedroom). Even though it's not strategic, he can’t help but tell Clara about her. The best defense he can manage is to phrase it as if River isn’t as important to him as she is. Not only is avoiding her first name in his grief; he's also completely avoiding pronouns; which seems extreme given that he's still mentioning her as often as: “Oh yeah, of course he has! Professor Song! Sorry, it's just I never realized you were a woman.”
Leave out the emotion — leave out the details — don't show the cracks in the armor — play the part — win the game.
“Well, there's no point now. We're about to die. JUST TELL ME WHO YOU ARE.”
#I mean we KNOW that the doctor immediately started pouring his hearts out to Clara as soon as NotD ended <3#Clara tells the war doctor “he's always talking about the day he did it” okay so he's always talking about it starting after the prev ep#eleventh doctor#river song#clara oswald#words by seaweed#yeah I know the implication in Name of the Doctor is that eleven is two-timing them / worried abt Clara being jealous. which. eh. maybe.#but I like this better. also both things can be true if we want them to be#eleven is in SUCH a bad way in Season 7B too he needs to be held#“I thought it would hurt too much and I was right” ever think about how Clara was there for in the deepest moments of his grief?#whether his sad victorian cloud… on the Last Day… or on the day he was finally able to say Rivers name. he thought it would hurt too much#Tia made a really insightful post recently about how eleven can’t speak rivers name when she's gone and like. god. yeah.#it also made me think about. who would he even talk to River about? if he could? after years on a cloud drowning in her present nonpresence#ever think how if HoRS had happened before Hell Bent he never could've dealt with it and coulda broke the universe for River instead#Series 9 was a continuation/escelation of eleven's (and next twelve's) “he hates endings” - endings for Amy and Rory. for River. for Clara.#he hit rock bottom. and then Clara saved him#“You said memories become stories when we forget them. Maybe some of them become Songs.”#thank you Clara <3#one episode later:#“When the wind stands fair and the night is perfect when you least expect it but always when you need it the most- there is a Song.”#bc this is NOT to undervalue the Doctor's love for Clara he has a Duty of Care she's more Breakable than him (also than river!)#but it can it really be a coincidence? bc he is talking abt river in the second one. unless Moffat is obsessed with Song imagery? I MEAN
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Please share the Sims I would be so gracious 🙏
erm I wasn't sure if you meant post them to Tumblr or actually make the Sims public so imma do both.
They definitely aren't perfect but I tried my best!!
And, ofc, here is my account so you can find them. Sorry for the keyboard smash name this is my dad's account from like seven years ago I'm trying to change it 😭
the title is just "Jack and Nurm"
Uhh I used stuff from the packs below, idk if it'll let you download them without these but if it does just change the missing traits/clothes:
Island living
Cats & dogs
Realm of Magic
Holiday celebration
Erm so like yeah!! If anything is inaccurate or you think something would work better feel free to change it! I tried to make them accurate to how I see them, but tbf I do sometimes mix up headcannon and cannon, misinterpret stuff etc, plus it was tricky trying to decide on aspirations n such, there's no "legendary adventurer" or "cartography" themed traits to my knowledge lmao
#minecraft story mode#mcsm#mcsm nurm#mcsm jack#nurm mcsm#jack mcsm#The sims 4#Posting Sims is scary. I will probably make more at some point but just.. not upload them lol#Ofc unless someone#Like yourself#Asks me to post a specific character#But yeah don't expect a constant flow of Sims 😭#Lmao I've had this account for years and when I was like.. ten I used to upload loads of shitty looking animals#And I was cleaning up my account before uploading these guys and stumbled upon a really rough looking set of eeveelutions#And like yeah they're ass but I was ten so I think that's acceptable#But there was this dude it the comments from like a month ago saying stuff like “EW THEYRE UGLY!! GET ME OUT OF HERE I DONT LIKE THIS”#And it was so fucking funny#Bro you are beafing with a literal child from five years ago calm down#No one is forcing you to look at them damn#N e ways#Little sidenote in case you want Archie too#Part of why I made Nurm a spellcaster is cause he can have a phoenix familiar#I don't think the Sims had parrots so like if you want Archie.. 👀 fire arch?#UPDATE CAUSE I AM HOWLING BUT I WAS BORED AND DECIDED TO SEE IF ANYONE ELSE MADE JACK AND NURM AND ONE OTHER PERSON DID#AND THEY WERE CALLED “Nurm the mapmaker” AND “Jack the sad” LMAOOO#WHOEVER YOU ARE IOVE YOU
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I was once possessed by Dracula. But if word had gone out... "The boy was tainted by evil...” “What would that make him? And their entire bloodline?” Or worse.... “What would that make YOU?” I...
Someone had asked me about Soleiyu a while back, and though I don't think I really answered their question, I wanted to talk about the aftermath of his incident in regards to his immediate descendant.
To reiterate, though the Belmont Clan would try to keep this under covers, I wouldn't be surprised if some word had gone out of the family being "tainted" with evil. The Belmonts were already feared for their powers, but to see a (literally) huge difference in physical appearance between Simon and his forefathers adds to that.
That doesn't seem normal (to them).
I intended for this to be a very short comic, but then chose to focus on the one shot I wanted to draw the most.
#my head hurts thanks to a bad shift yesterday#but now it hurts more because I really wanted to draw and it made me sad :)#basically I had to think why else would people still fear them despite what trevor and christopher did#. . . oh yeah... the answer is right in front of me#doodle-daas#akumajou dracula#soleiyu belmont#soleil belmont#simon belmont#anti netflixvania
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parents are funny the way they want you to be open and honest with them, supposedly, but when you are, it leads to some fucking confrontation that didn’t need to happen, and when that happens, it leads to something you weren’t ready to say coming out, then being coaxed out into a still very much controlled held-back version of describing your lifelong experience feeling shame for existing the way you do and not being “easy” or as good as like, your little sister, academically, or as capable of masking as anyone else, and THAT carefully worded recall of just the natural fucking feelings of growing up in a frankly abusive household, resulting in.. oh, sorry, YOUR FATHER crying as if he wasnt just trying to gaslight you into thinking he didnt tell you the other day to Improve Yourself As A Person (right before the conversation about his mother entering hospice so now guess who can’t fucking mourn without associating it with that!) and that he instead was saying Improve Your Situation
and then he like catches you like visibly dissociating, comments, you try and put it in very simple words what just happened (in the same manner you have pointed out every other little thing he does to invalidate your feelings, or as he’d put it, “your feelings” yes using air quotes) and he suddenly is a fucking Psychology Scholar And Didn’t Need You To Explain What The Defense Mechanism Even Was and oh then also admitting to doing harm in the past, saying he had apologized (wonder why i dont remember), your mother(actual psychology minor) getting all “i’m sorry you feel that way” and also after a long ass tangent about there being a difference between “shamed” and “ashamed” as if you didn’t mean the word you say, a thing you did make very clear, ONCE AGAIN FUCKING CRYING ABOUT YOU BEING OPEN AND HONEST FOR ONCE AND TELLING THEM THEY HURT YOU
#its been. a wild fucking semester so far#oh and then also my fucking brother saying it’s like he doesnt have a sibling and i dont give a shit Sooo Much that i made my father cry#respectfully i fucking held the thing that would actually ruin him back.#because i did a fucking interview with his mother years ago for a class#and she talked about the way her mother treated her#when he first found out i was like. violently depressed as a teen#he drew the mental parallel of his mother getting hospitalized#for shit her fuckinf mother caused.#he cannot comprehend the pain he causes.#by all means my morher can comprehend what she does. she just. does she give a shit actually? lol#i feel for him. right now. in his grief process#but the fucking audacity to see me exercising autonomy and telling them they fucking traumatized me basically#AND COLLECTIVELY CONTINUINF TO USE THE FUCKING ABUSE TACTICS#im sure he was crying genuinely. but if i cry it is never genuine to them it feels#so.#yeah.#i havent been on tumblr i had a experiment thing for a class on social media breaks even though. lol. mental health? isolation??#but like. i think just the process of realizing wwwwhy we are the way we are#so immensely fucked up#its been a lot#its just. fucking sad i got forced into THIS conversation prematurely#but my fucking bad for trusting my mother i guess#vent#vent tw#anyway i was gonna push therapy back a week but. oooooooooweeeeee
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I don't hate my job or anything, but man, being a float educator is so fucking thankless
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Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.
Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.
#my characters#waiting on some info on the next commission so i indulged in ocs today bc i doubt i will have as much time for lil comics for a bit#deacon is so devoted hes like yeah i would kill for a deity that could easily kill anything himself but yknow teehee#and fulj just did you tell him you needed therapy also does he even know youd murder in his name#deacon caught red handed haha no of course i havent told him it should be obvious enough haha.... and its in his defense not his name :c#man really does have some issues but i love him so much and hes so devoted but like. unhealthily after a while#he does in fact need a chill pill and therapy but to be fair#ymber has needed therapy for centuries and yet he just bottles it all up and suffers so#its pretty unhealthy until they yell at each other one (1) time bc they are so insecure about things and get mad over very valid reasons#but then theyre like you know what that was necessary and i still want to stay by your side if you let me#and then fulj is like dude hey sorry you seem really happy did you fu- and ymber is like no please stop there we have not#fulj just squinting cause have not is very different than will not but whatever she doesnt wanna think about that with deacon involved ew#and eventually fulj is like hey ymber im sorry to say but i really do hate deacon and i dont even know why but he makes me uncomfortable#while deacon is just. in the room. hearing this and thinking how he knows she thinks hes weird but wow that wording hurts#and ymber doesnt wanna fill in memories better forgotten by fulj which she had forcefully removed#so he just says oh well his hair and clothing are black and you had someone in the past that you might see in him and its not a pleasant en#so you know maybe its that idk#and fulj is then WHATST i was rude to him for someone i cant even remember? lame im gonna try SO HARD to be nice to him now#and deacon just still sitting there with some food like this is v awkward and i wish i could not be here for it#and later he asks ymber about who he resembled and as ymber is descibing her it clicks in deacons head and he gets really sad#that he might somehow remind fulj of the woman she loved before she was punished for loving a mortal#and he feels kinda bad pestering her so much with his curiosities about deities and he kinda gets it#the fact hes close to ymber might remind her at the core that she was once that close with a mortal if not closer#anyway story time in the tags again#im so obsessed with these peeps and i have made them suffer so much but they do all end on a happy note#its still funny and nice to me that while fulj is creeped out by deacon and doesnt like talking to him#he still expresses the most emotions to her - he tries hard to remain serious around ymber and collected and obedient at all times#and when out and about with ymber he has to be intimidating and refuses smiling but fulj?? all sunshine and smiles and emotions easy to rea#and she is just that is so weird go away i hate you
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