#wylan what possessed you.

[mars-graveyard]

wanden olstrum end kendesorum.

isen ne bejstrum. why are you like this.

(translation: the water hears and understands/the ice does not forgive)

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

Exactly as you are

Next chapter

a/n this has been sitting in my notes for a while and I was going to delete it but then was like you know what let's just post it. So here we are. 🙃

summary: when two broken souls meet something is bound to happen

warnings: mention of past trauma, sexual assault, forceful behavior, touch aversion, murder.

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You moved around the buzzing club swiftly. Picking up glasses and stopping to listen to new orders being barked at you by already half-drunk males. A light smile on your face, regardless of the tone that people used to order you around. No matter the tone or the words that left their mouths, this was so much better. So much better than what you had been forced to go through in the past. What you had known for so many years. What you had no hope of escaping. There was no hope until a cold stone face showed up in your owner's house.

It was a last-minute decision on Kaz's behalf. One look. It took him one look, and he knew he had to do something. Had to come up with something. Kaz couldn't seem to draw his eyes away from the chains around your hands and ankles as you carried up the tray with whiskey. Eyes empty. It seemed like you didn't even notice him or Jesper in the room as you walked in. Like a possessed creature. Calculated moves. No emotions. And then it was the way your whole body suddenly tensed when the old man moved his hand to run over the curve of your body as he pulled you closer to him. Your eyes darted up. They didn't meet Kaz. You looked past him. But right there and then, Kaz knew that he was going to walk out of this place with you, or he wasn't going to walk out at all. And since the second option didn't please him, he picked the first one.

Three bullets. One for each hand that the old fuck touched you with, and the other neatly placed right in between the eyes. You didn't flinch as the shots rang out. As if this had happened so many times already in your life that you, in a way, were waiting for it. Yet another abuser down in the dirt, with another one ready to claim you. There was not a single word exchanged between anyone afterward. Jesper understood his boss with one glance. Kaz's eyes spoke volumes. The anger seemed different than ever before. More primal. Lingering. In any other situation, Jesper would have said something or teased, but this felt different. Something felt different as he picked you up right as Kaz limped out of the building. Your hand clenched Jesper's shirt as he walked through the dark streets. Jesper, too, realized that something was about to change.

You didn't speak. No matter what any of the crows did, you didn't say a thing. Emotions were rear flashes on your face. At first, only the movement of your eyes scanning the place was a shred of evidence that you were indeed alive. Or it was Nina, who occasionally checked on your heartbeat before nodding to herself. You had no shackles bounding you here. For the first time in years, they weren't weighing on you, but the demons from the past lingered.

"Fill the last glass up, and others will replace you", your eyes darted up in an instant, yet you didn't even need to look to know who the voice belonged to. Nodding your head, you placed the last glass on the table before Wylan disappeared with the tray in his hands. Quickly wiping your hands onto the apron, you moved towards the backroom. Kaz's room. A place where no one was allowed in without a reason. But you were quite a frequent visitor there, and in no way were you complaining.

A glass of water and a warm meal was already waiting there for you, and you couldn't help but feel your heart beat a bit faster. You had heard stories about dirtyhands; you had seen his cunning ways in action. But never with you. Yes, cold and harsh at times. But that's how Kaz was, and you had grown to find comfort in his cold demeanor. Take comfort in the silence that lingered between you two as you sat together.

"I know you haven't eaten, and quite frankly, I am disappointed that you are wasting your potential by starving yourself", Kaz said without paying attention to you as he too sat by the table. You narrowed your eyes at him, shooting him a stare that he was quick to return, but you knew you weren't going to win this, so you stepped closer to the table. This was never a fight you could win. Not with Kaz at least.

In moments like this, you often thought about the first night at the slat and how different everything was now. Jasper had left you in Kaz's room shaking, promising to get the girls to help you bathe afterward. That it was okay, that Kaz just liked to be extra, and that soon it would be over and you could rest. You stood there, clenching your fists, until you heard footsteps from outside. The broken-up pattern lets you know in advance that it is indeed your new owner. Or you assumed that he was going to take full ownership of you just like everyone else had before.

Kaz had hardly stepped through the door when his eyes landed on your shaky hands undoing your skirt, with your top already on the floor. And if he wasn't in some way thankful for the cane before, he sure as hell was now as his eyes landed on your naked, scared body, chest exposed, and his knees seemed to buck. "What are you…", he managed to mutter before quickly turning his gaze to the side. Somehow your face had managed to get paler. "I can turn away if I'm not to your liking", those had been the first ten words that you had said, and they had plagued Kaz's mind ever since.

It wasn't about you or if he found you pretty or attractive. Of course, he did. You were the prettiest girl he had seen. It was the fact that you had assumed that he was just like all the other males. That he was going to use you just the same. That you were here to be the same rag doll. To be tossed around and asked to stay quiet while someone forced you to do things you didn't want to do, "Get dressed and just… sit", Kaz had muttered, leaving the room quickly, pressing his head to the door as he tried to get his breathing steady.

None of you talked about that night. It was never brought up, and in a way, it soothed you. It was strange to you how different Kaz's behavior was behind closed doors. When you sat on his bed with a book in your hands while he looked over new plans and ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. When he ushered you into the back room and you would just sit in the chair in front of his desk. It brought you peace because you felt safe with him. It brought peace to Kaz because, for the first time in his life, he didn't feel alone.

Just like Kaz, you hated being touched. It was a different kind of discomfort and fear that laced your body, but still. Touch was something you both avoided. Something that held so much pain and past trauma. As sad as it was, it was something that made you both so much closer. That allowed you to communicate without having to say a word. Kaz finally knew that someone understood. That there was someone who knew how horrible it was to be afraid to the point where you felt like dying. Where there wasn't an ounce of self-control. And even if Kaz wished that he could have saved you from the pain like that, it gave him hope that he wasn't that alone after all.

"I've got something for you", Kaz said casually, while you were in the middle of your stew. You gave him a puzzled look, but he just opened the side drawer and pulled out a neatly wrapped box. It wasn't an unusual thing. Kaz almost always brought little things back for you. Mostly books or some random trinkets. "Don't give me that look", he warned you. Even if all Kaz wanted to do was look at your sparkling eyes. Oh, how he had grown to love seeing your face light up slightly. And just for him. Just because of something that he had done. Because they never sparked like that when you were with others. No, because he had watched you ever since he brought you here.

Pushing the box towards you, he waited for you to take it out of his hands. You blinked a couple of times. Usually, if Kaz was to give you something, he would just push it across the table, but that didn't seem to be the case tonight. You reached out, taking the box, careful not to touch him, waiting for Kaz to tell you what this was about, but he only motioned for you to get going.

So you moved the bowl with stew to the side and pulled on the delicate white ribbon. A breath hitched in your throat, and you quickly drew your eyes back to Kaz, who had a slightly smug smile on his face. "I thought it would suit you well", he said, and you bit the inside of your lip. You had been eyeing the silk hair scarfs for a while. Stumbled across the shop by accident while looking for supplies for Nina. And ever since that day, every time you went out into town, you always walked past it. Stopping to peek through the window. Admire from afar, but never let yourself walk inside. The finest silk was too expensive for you to allow yourself a purchase like that.

You quickly shook your head, right as that thought settled, pushing the box back towards Kaz. "Don't you dare", his tone carried a warning yet was calm. "It's a gift from me. I add bonus pay for the crows after a good job, and you had been working hard in the club, so it's just the same". But it wasn't. You knew it wasn't, and you just couldn't let yourself accept this. So you shook your head once more. Kaz's lips finned out into a tight line. "You are allowed to enjoy things", and when you lowered your eyes, he knew that he had hit the target.

You shied away from things like that. Kaz noticed how you cringed at the sight of fancy clothes. Nina had managed to squeeze you into one of the fancy dresses she enjoyed, and the look on your face was enough to let everyone know just how much you hated it. So Kaz never pushed you. Simple grays or blues, a dash of yellow if the day was good, but nothing fancy, nothing big. And if Kaz was being honest, you didn't need any of it to look breathtaking.

And he had gone out looking for you that first day you had seen the scarfs and had taken way too long for his liking to return home. Kaz saw you with your palm pressed to the glass, looking inside. Even more so, he knew what it was like to want something but not be able to get it, and it wasn't just the material things he was referring to. But you were under his care now. Not his as an object. But his to protect. To keep safe. To make happy.

Kaz watched as your fingers carefully moved to touch the delicate material. He could only imagine what was running through your mind. Too unworthy. Too dirty to enjoy something so delicate. Or maybe you didn't like what he picked. Kaz had only assumed you would like this. Although he had never really gone out and bought anyone anything, then your fingers moved to Kaz's gloved hand, running in the same careful way over his fingers. Not grasping it. Leaving him enough space to move away from your touch.

But he didn't. Kaz's hand did stiffen beneath your touch, but only for a moment, and then his eyes met yours. Slightly glassed over by the tears that had picked up. Eyes that saw him. Saw through him. So Kaz didn't back away, even when the water started to drown him. He turned his attention to your fingers and how carefully you grazed them over the leather of his glove.

"Thank you", the whisper was so quiet, yet Kaz heard it. And if you only knew how much it meant to him. How he had been craving to hear your voice again. But he swallowed the desire and happiness down. Nodded his head and pulled his hand away from under your touch, "Finish the food and go rest".

You quickly wiped the tears away with the back of your hand. Kaz wanted to reach for you again. But a part of him kept him frozen in his chair. Frozen and stuffed in the box of fear. But just now, Kaz could no longer determine if the fear was from the touch itself or if it was because he was afraid that touching you would mean something. That it would mean that he cared. And Kaz Brekker never cared.

[lady-ashfade]

The Crows and prey.

Six of crows x Bunny!Fem!Reader. (Bunny hybrid) [Romantic]

Plot: Ketterdam was in a bad storm and the crow get locked in at the club together for the rest of the night. It takes one of them to spot something outside and then the rest follow, and they go to figure it out. Ready to fight, ready to kill. But they soon realize there is no threat.

Previous. [] Next.

Readers appreciate: Female, I thought of a shorter reader but any body type can be used. (But I think bunny hybrids would be short, if you’re tall just imagine) The readers ears are white, because it’s easy and I think they are freaking adorable. And with darker skin tones they will be beautiful and pop out. That the only thing that is said.

Warnings: Abuse, reader being abused, being slaved and sold, blood, wounds, gaslighting, future dark yandere tendencies, possessiveness, and obsession. I wanna make this serious kinda dark, but nothing to bad, but they probably will be medium-hard yandere’s.

Tagglist: @igakc @babyblue-chaos @aqueennia

Btw: This took to long, so bare with me for the mistakes and spelling shit- I just needed to get this posted.

The small tapping on the widows as the droplets of rain hit the glass, the silence around the bar made it easy for them to hear it hit the walls from the outside. It was a very angry rainy night, people left early to get home while they still could. The group was forced to stay here for the night and couldn’t get back to their shared house, so they took comfort knowing they could be together still.

“The saints must be upset.” Jesper commented and raised his finger that rested on his cup. Inej looked at him and raised a brow and gave him a look, he just smiled and muttered his apologize. The thunder roared through the city and they could feel it sometimes, it was one hell of a storm outside.

The wind whistling through the small cracks of the door, “We could play a game?” Nina smirked and leaned forward with a mischievous smile on her lips. “Might as well do something fun.” She looked around the table at their eyes. Kaz looked annoyed and didn’t give in, he wasn’t doing some foolish.

“What do you have in mind?” Wylan asked and snuggled into his boyfriends chest and took a sip of his tea. “Charades? Two truths and a lie, or swords and shields.” She named off some games to see if they liked the sound of any of them. The table broke out with the crew, except kaz, with their own ideas.

Kaz looked away from his friends and looked out the window that was almost pitch black, he watched the water collect and rush together. Something moved across the widow and blocked the small incoming light, then disappeared to the direction of the door. His chest clinched and he stood up right away, everyone stopped and looked at him. He had a scowl on his face, different then his calm one.

He glared at the door and looked at them for a second then back to gesturing something, Nina was the first to pick up. She took a second and focused on the heartbeats she could hear, one more then usual. Nina nodded and they all stood up quietly, Jesper slowly moved towards his guns, Nina put her hands together. Inej was getting herself ready for anything, wylan looked around and saw the butter knife and grabbed it, knowing he could kill someone’s with it. Nina looked at mattias who placed a hand on her shoulder, as if this could go wrong. But he was ready, they all were.

Inej walked in front of all of them and quietly moved along the wooden floor towards the door, she was the one to open it. She grips a knife as she slug open the door ready to face the person, but her eyes found nothing but the road being rained on. A split second later she heard a noise and turned to the side, her hand blocking herself.

“I’m sorry..” a quite voice said from down on the floor, the deck roof stopped the rain from hitting them both. Inej looked down and saw someone leaning down in a cloak and couldn’t see their face, but their voice was soft and scared. Jesper came quickly and pointed his guns to make sure to get his point across, but he stopped when Inej placed a hand on his guns and pushed them down.

“Are you alright?” Inej asked and inched closer, you moved back and held your side to get away. “Please don’t hurt me- I’ll leave.” You groaned and held onto the railing to help yourself up. Nina could hear the slowly heartbeat, but it spiked up when you saw them. Clearly you were hurt. “I have no interest in hurting you.” Inej put her knife away and kaz glared at her, she was letting her guard down.

Kaz stepped through the door and eyed you up and down. No one could see your face, it was dark and your hood hugged your face closely. He did notice the hand that stuck to your side and he could see red staining your hand. “There’s a healer down the street, this isn’t a place for you.” Kaz earned everyone’s glare.

“Kaz.” Inej looked at him with begging eyes, also angry at him for being cruel. You understand and didn’t want to be there anymore, the people around you were too many. The man dressed in all black with the cane was giving you bad vibes, he scared you.

You fell back a bit and hissed in pain, you moved your feet up and took a step. Your body threatened to collapse but you pushed passed it, this wasn’t the first time you had been in this situation. But for the first time you weren’t back at your home- Or the place you were sold to and it was never a place you called home. “Sorry to disturb you.” They watched you carefully step down the wet steps and hold the railing tightly to keep you up.

Jesper looked back at kaz, Nina glared at the man, wylan was heartbroken, Matthias stared in pity, Inej knew how it felt to be like you. Hurt and clearly no where to go. Kaz felt their glazes on him and didn’t want to give in. He wasn’t going to offer a helping hand because then someone might mistake them for kind people. Then every injured lowlife would come seeking shelter.

But when he looked into Inej’s eyes, the frown in her brows and searched for the answer she wanted. “Fine.” He rolled his eyes and walked back inside for them to deal with it. As you made the final step you were stopped, “We can help you.” Your skin felt the rain again and you shivered. You didn’t know what to do.

“I’ll be fine,” you spoke through shaking teeth from the cold. “You’re clearly hurt, and it’s hell out here.” Jesper took a step and you backed up and your foot hit the mud. They all stopped because they saw how frightened you were, and they asked themselves why you were so skittish. Inej knew- Or could have a guess.

“You can come in, take a breath and have a roof over your head for the night. We have supplies for you to fix yourself, we don’t even have to be near you.” You looked at her for a minute at the soft tone in her voice and the small smile on her face, along with the rest looking at you so soft.

You picked yourself up the stairs, “Can someone help me in?” You trusted them enough because even if this was a trap, you needed help. Nina smiled and made her way down to you and held her arm out, you took it and she helps you up and into the bar. They all followed after you both, kaz was sitting at the table and his eyes feel on you again.

The light of the candles lit up the room and as close as Nina was she could see your face clearly now. Her heart stopped, a bloody and bruised face. She couldn’t explain it but you were as beautiful as a blooming flower, but seeing you like this filled her with rage. Why? She just meet you but she felt this pull towards you.

“Inej, come with me and let’s get her cleaned up.” They took you into the back and the boys were left feeling a bit lonely as they saw you disappear. A tug at their hearts had them as confused as Nina. “The supplies are coming out of all of your paychecks.” Kaz mumbled and took a swing of his whiskey, the others rolled their eyes and went to sit down at the table to wait it out.

In the back room they made and place for you to sit, Inej got all the supplies you needed and placed them on the table. Nina looked around and made a bed for you on the floor, with blankets and pillows she could find. “Do you want us to leave?” Inej asked and you looked up at her and she saw your face. Inej’s stomach dropped and she wondered who did that to you?

“I-” you whimpered out in pain and leaned back and pulled the stuff closer to you. For a slight second your sleeves rises up and Inej caught a glimpse, a familiar sick feeling caught in her throat. “I shall be fine with it.” You wanted them to leave so you could get all your wounds, you needed to take off your hood. Inej sighed in disappointment but she understood, she whistled for Nina to come over.

“Yell if you need anything.” Nina shouted as they both walked out of them room. You got to work on your side first, the deepest wound you had. This was the first time your owner had truly hurt you, or this bad anyway. He wasn’t happy when you fought back, so he got angry along with his booze which lead to where you are now.

“Is she alright?” Jesper asked as the ladies walked out. Nina shrugged and went over to the bar were kaz sat and poured herself a drink, matthias got up to be beside her. “She’s hurt pretty bad.” Inej spoke and pulled out one of her blades and played with it as she glared at the ground.

Kaz looked at her and recognized the look on her face, one she got when she was mad or overthinking something from her past. “She’s marked.” She stated and everyone turned their head to listen to her. “The menagerie?” Wylan asked and stood up.

“No, I haven’t seen this marking before. I don’t know what it’s from- Or if it’s the same, but it’s in the same place.” Inej pointed to where her marking once was. “That’s why you wanted to help her?” Kaz asked.

Inej glared at him, “No. I helped because it’s the right thing to do.” Her tone made it known she was getting annoyed, something she didn’t do often, or showed.

Behind the closed door the extra pair of ears hung down the side of your head, once fluffy white fur was coated with dirt and blood. Cuts along them hurt almost worse the the slash on your hip. You couldn’t help but overhear their conversation even if the ears were ringing, it made you a little panicked.

Slowly you applied some medicine on the cuts on your ears and they twitched in pain, you whimpering at the sting. You rushed the cleaning process on your hip and then the bandage that you wrapped around yourself. You filled your pockets with some of the supplies and got up and looked at the window. You pull your hood out and tied the bands on the back of your head to make it stay.

You unlocked the widows and quietly opened it up, looking down at the ground under thinking of you could handle the small drop. This was for the best, if they knew the symbol on your wrist they could take you back. You had finally gotten out after years of trying and you weren’t going back.

“Where are you going?”

You jumped around at the voice of the girl from earlier. She wore red and had light skin, brown hair and a nice smile. A big man stood next to her…He looked rough and scary but at the same time kinda soft.

“Thank you for the help, I will pay you back.” Nina took a step forward and smiled wide at you. “No silly, you stay here for the night. You must be scared, and we don’t want to hurt you. You’re owned by someone. Yes? Maybe the one who hurt you?” She was strangely right and that made you a bit scared.

“If you go out there they might find you, take you back. This is the safest place for you.” The younger looking man stepped through the door and his eyes fell on you as Nina spoke. “You don’t want that do you, sweetie?” Her voice was smooth but they hit you hard.

She knew her manipulation would work, of course it did. Fear was powerful, but so easy to control.

You looked out the window at the puddles splash, you sighed and closed it shut the glass, you looked at them apologetically. “I’ll stay here tonight.” They all hummed and gave you smiles, some more bigger then others but still smiles more the less. “Get you some rest dear, we will leave you to it.” Nina said and pulled the big man out the door.

The pale small one stayed for a minute and looked at you and you squirmed a bit under his gaze. “My names Wylan.” You blinked and played with your hands. “Hello, wylan.” His body tingles as you speak his name, as if he craves it more. He stayed for a minute to learn your name but you didn’t seem to want that. So he smiled at you one last night and left you be.

You looked at the clothes they left for you and you decided to put them on because you were going to get sick if you didn’t. But you kept your hood on as you laid down on the bed they had made you. You found it comforting, it was like the nest you had back there. But this was wasn’t as bad, you liked it well.

So you snuggle up into the blankets and moved the pillow underneath your head and let your body finally get some rest. Hoping when you’d wake up, you’d still be here.

Kaz stared at you as your face stayed calm and still. He found it almost cute how you looked- So pretty and adorable, but the cuts on your skin made him feel a certain way. Kaz found himself staring at you for a while, it was his turn and he was forced to do so. But he was glad he did because he needed to have a look at you and figure you out.

Body stirring to the side he saw your eyes clinch before opening them. The light was brighter then the day before, the sun came out of the clouds that once blocked it. He saw the light hit your face and it was almost heavenly to him, and your eyes he finally got to see their color. In the moment, new waves took him under and made him feel overwhelmed.

It was strange to him, but he pushed aside the  urge to protect you and touch you in that moment. “Hello, sunshine.” His voice laced with sarcasm. You turned your head and groaned at the pain your side, “Um, hello.” You rubbed your eyes to see clearly.

You gasped as your wrist felt something cold and sharp, his cane brought its way up and pulled your hand closer. “What is this?” He asked and pointed to the ink in your skin. You swallowed and pulled your hand back and held it close for your chest. “You clearly know what it is.” He raised a brow and tilted his head.

“Let me rephrase,” you watch him lean down a bit and your heart begin to beat faster. He looked threatening. “Who do you belong to?”  You bite your lip and looked away from him and tried not to tear up at the memories. “I don’t belong to anyone.”

Kaz chuckled and smirked, “That marking means you do, but to who? Never seen that one before.” You pushed yourself up and leaned on the wall facing him. “You want to take me back?” He saw the fear in your eyes as you asked that question. That made him never want to give you back, not that he would in the first place.

“Not at the moment, no. My crows wouldn’t be too pleased.” His words confused you. Kaz felt his heart squeeze as you moved your head, it was like some sort of confused animal. Adorable. “Crows? Like the birds?” It was his turn to be puzzled for a second. You didn’t know dirtyhands and his crows? The wraith, sharper, demolitions expert, heartrender and her boyfriend, and him? The bastard of the barrel.

“My crew, the ones that took you in. Went against my wishes just for you.” He pointed out and you nodded in understanding. “Your name?” You asked. He felt his chest grow with a feeling at how your eyes looked at him. So beautiful. Then the soft voice that sounded like heaven to his ears. “Call me kaz.” You made a note of his name. Kaz went on to tell you all of their names, it was making you head spin to put faces to them but you got it soon enough.

“Tell me..” he raised a brow, he didn’t even know your name. “Y/n, that’s all I remember.” You shrugged and gave him a soft smile. Kaz looked down at your wrist and glared at the skin covered up. “Tell me, y/n” the name tasted like flowers in his mouth, “Who is the person who put the mark on your skin, give me something. We can keep you safe here, but you have to talk.” Your heart dropped and he saw the look in your eyes as they got wider. Sadness laced behind your eyes and it angered him slightly, someone so soft spoken as you was probably scared into acting that way.

As the thoughts run in your hears your breath begins to pick up and chest going up at down at a fast pace. Your eyes look over the room at everything and your hands grip the sheets. “You can’t- I need to go.” You gripped onto the windowsill above you and tried to bring yourself up, but the pain in your side and body made you fall back. Kaz watched with fear, you couldn’t leave-

No, no you had to stay.

He thought for a minute of what to say and how to bring you out of this panic state. It was painful for him to watch. Then he saw something drip down the side of your head, it coming from underneath your hood, and then to your far cheek. “You’re bleeding.” He pointed a finger and you only shot up. You didn’t feel the pain grow because you were to focus on your mind, the cuts on your ears must have busted open again. You let out a whimper and place your hand on the second pair of ears on your head.

“Take off the hood.” Kaz motioned with his hands. But you didn’t want to because then he would know what you were. And he could end up like the rest of them.

“No, I can take care of it. Just leave me for a few.” You blinked up at him and gave him a small but weak smile. Had he ever seen you without the hood? You slept with it on, you didn’t want to part with it. He found that intriguing. 

“Take off the hood, it’s not a option. You’re hurt and you clearly didn’t take care of it the first time and it’s on your head. Do you want to lose the blood going to your brain?” You shook your head.

“If I take it off you’ll turn out like him! And I will not be sold again..” you shouted and he saw the emotion in your eyes, “Never again.” Your soft tone returned and broke.

“Inej would have my head if I sold you.” You glared at him and bit and showed you were in no mood for his comments. “I promise to not sell you out. You have a place now, you’ll work for me to pay your debts. But my crew and I will let no harm come to you.”

If you could just stand up fully without falling you would be out of the door by now and send money later. You wanted freedom but somehow this didn’t feel like it, but you had no other option. Sighing you nodded your head and untied the knot behind the hoodie to loosen it. It felt like a million years for kaz, you had about ten things keeping it in place. Then the fabric was finally pulled off your head.

The white fur with old blood and new blood splatter over it, he saw the flesh under the cuts, the dirt mixed with the blood on the fur. It was silent for a few minutes as he stared at the top of your head with a unreadable expression. He was surprised, what were you? He couldn’t believe his eyes, it was like saints all over again. But where you are.

But what were you? It was making his head spin, he had no knowledge about this.

In front of him, small and hurt. Adorable face and body, a cute nose he just noticed and beautiful ears- If they weren’t hurt. “Saints.” He cursed under his breath and you didn’t know if he was mad or what. Biting your lips a bit you took a deep breath and waited for him to say something else. But you knew the confusion he was facing and it would take him some time.

“What the fuck.”

You both looked back and see Jesper hanging on the doorframe with Nina by his side with her jaw dropped. You shifted in your seat and covered yourself up and didn’t care about the pain in your ears.

It wasn’t going to be a secret anymore.

[magicandpizza]

🧡 Healing for the Friday Ficlet Challenge.

Helloooo my friend! Don’t even ask me what this is because I am so sleep-deprived I think I just spewed a load of random words. I hope you like it anyway!

🧡 healing

Healing isn’t linear.

That’s what they always say, isn’t it? Maybe it was naive of him, but Jesper really thought it would be different now that he has someone to come home to.

Except.

Except they’d had a fight over something so stupid and trivial that Jesper genuinely can’t even remember what it was about. They’d both raised their voices and gotten frustrated and Jesper had done what he’s always done and run away like a fucking coward.

He’d ended up at some seedy bar, drowning his sorrows in a bottle of shitty whisky, and when he saw the flash of cards out of the corner of his eye he’d barely even thought about it before he was pulling up a stool and joining in.

Which is how he finds himself 50 kruge lighter and returning to the Slat with his tail between his legs. He doesn’t even know if Wylan will still be there or if he’ll have packed up his meagre possessions and left. The thought makes him feel kind of sick. Although maybe that’s the alcohol.

He slinks up the stairs and heads for the bathroom so he can brush his teeth and splash some water on his face. He even drinks a glass of water for good measure, but he can’t put off what may or may not be behind the bedroom door any longer. If Wylan is gone… fuck, he has no idea what he’s going to do. Surely he won’t have, though? Not after just one fight. He’s skittish, sure, but he wouldn’t just up and leave?

Jesper pushes open the door and steps quietly into the room. There’s an oil lamp burning low and there, perched on the windowsill, is Wylan. The relief that courses through his body at seeing that he’s still here, that he hasn’t left, is almost enough to make his knees buckle.

“You’re still here,” Jesper says like it isn’t obvious.

Wylan turns his face away from the window to look at him. His eyes, Jesper notices with a pang of guilt, are red and puffy, and he rubs at them with the back of his sleeve. “You came back. I wasn’t sure…”

Shutting the door behind him, Jesper steps around the bed and cautiously approaches Wylan. “Of course I did. I just needed some air.”

Wylan snorts. “Some air, or half a liquor store?”

Jesper winces. “I may have been attempting to drink away my sorrows.” He can’t quite meet Wylan’s gaze, so he looks at his feet instead. “It didn’t work. Neither did the cards.”

“Does it ever?”

Now it’s Jesper’s turn to snort. “I think you know the answer to that.” With a sigh, he sits down on the edge of the bed, resting his elbows on his knees so he can press the heels of his palms against his eyes. “I was doing really well. I just wish it wasn’t the first thing I turn to when I fuck up.” He looks up at the sound of movement as Wylan slips off the windowsill and sits on the bed beside him. “I can’t even remember what we were fighting about.”

“I can,” Wylan says with a wry smile. “But it doesn’t matter. You came back.” He reaches for Jesper then, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and pulling him in against his chest.

“I’m sorry,” Jesper murmurs into the soft skin of Wylan’s neck. There’s so much else that he wants to say that he can’t find the words for, but it’s all caught up in the relief that this thing between them isn’t entirely ruined, that Wylan stayed when he could have so easily decided to leave.

“Me too.”

They sit in silence for a while and Jesper fidgets with one of his rings, spinning it round and round his finger until Wylan gently places his hand over Jesper’s and kisses the top of his head.

“Come to bed?”

“Yeah,” Jesper agrees, reluctantly pulling away and scrubbing a hand over his face. He’s so fucking tired and wants nothing more than to pass out and sleep for a week, but there’s still a lingering doubt at the back of his mind. “We’re okay?” he asks as he stands and strips off his clothes, leaving them in a pile on the floor. That’s a problem for tomorrow.

From where he’s tucked up in bed, Wylan nods. “We’re okay.”

They curl around each other under the covers, seeking out each other’s bodies and the comfort there. They should probably talk more, but when Jesper tries, Wylan silences him with a sleepy murmur of “tomorrow”, and asks Jesper to just hold him, so he does.

Healing isn’t linear, Jesper thinks as he strokes his fingers idly through Wylan’s hair, but it’s a hell of a lot easier with someone by his side.

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

Been a while since we did this: It’s midnight and I’m thinking about six of crows, so let’s chat. I’m currently thinking about the experiences of Wylan and Inej echoing each other on opposite ends of the spectrum of cruelty created by the environment in Ketterdam, because ultimately it’s a system that favours no-one but the men who created it. Even though Inej is a foreign immigrant brought to the country against her will and Wylan was born to one of the richest families in the country, they both suffer greatly at its hands - arguably even in similar ways.

*Spoilers ahead!!!!*

Ok so this particular thought occurred to me a little while ago, and it was first sparked by the conversation Van Eck has with Inej at the beginning of Crooked Kingdom when holding her captive. He tells her he is not “a brute” but has simply “employed the methods you are most accustomed to - threats, violence” and her immediate response is “He sounded like Tante Heleen”. She goes on to remember Heleen’s words saying “Why do you make me do these things? You bring these punishments on yourself, girl”. So of course there’s this immediate link between them, and I would argue that the parallels are perpetuated throughout the novel as well. Quickly want to add as well that it’s really interesting to see Tante Heleen call her “girl”, because although this denies Inej identity and aligns greatly with the way she sobs at hearing her own name said aloud for the first time in a year when she meets Kaz, it doesn’t come across as immediately dehumanising in the way that other epithets used against her, like “little Lynx”, do. But interestingly enough, I actually think that it still is a dehumanising word when it comes from Heleen - because she does not see “her girls” as human. First of all, whenever the children at the Menagerie are referred to as “girls” it’s always in an entirely possessive manner - “your girl will he returned to you” “where is my girl?” “That is not my girl” (these are literally all from one scene, and there are way more throughout the books) - but the idea is only intensified by Inej’s own sentence: “not really people, not even really girls.”. As if “girls” and “people” are two separate entities. As if “girls” are not human. This is the language and the attitude that she was surrounded by at the Menagerie and is still surrounded by in the city, and what was forced upon her throughout her experiences in the country. But you know what else might be a genuinely horrifying little detail of this????? Inej may have actually taught herself that the words “people” and “girls” are not synonymous. Because when Inej was brought to Kerch she wasn’t fluent in the language, she spoke some of it and quickly learnt the rest through circumstance, so if this was the way she heard Kerch people use the word “girl” this is how she would internalise the definition of it. I hope this makes sense I’m not sure if I’m relating my thoughts very clearly, it’s kind of like how Matthias was forced to learn Kerch because he was in a Kerch prison so he doesn’t know words that would easily come to him in Fjerdan, like the snow goggles, but instead of simply having gaps Inej has actually learnt a false grammar system that defines “girl” as a dehumanising term because it means someone who is less than or someone who is property. Anyway, that was quite a tangent so let’s keep going.

I talked quite a lot about Wylan’s experience with abuse in my post about the similarities between him and Kaz so I won’t go into too much detail here (if you want to read that though it’s on my page, it’s called Kaz and Wylan’s Potential to Become Each Other, I can tag anyone who’d like to be tagged) but I want to mention the way Van Eck has conditioned his son to blame himself for everything he’s been through, rather than his father. Wylan actively blames himself, even after he discovers what his father did to Marya he says to Jesper “you don’t understand, it’s my fault” because he believes that Van Eck needed a convenient way of getting rid of her so he could remarry and have a child that he didn’t view as “defective”.

I want to talk about Inej during the bathroom scene in Crooked Kingdom, specifically focusing on the fact that this is really the moment she is most open about her trauma and reveals herself to be at her most vulnerable. Now I could talk for DAYS about the way she expresses herself in this scene in comparison to Kaz and why their vulnerabilities differ in different moments, but I’m trying to stay on track so maybe I’ll talk about that another time, the focus here is that in this moment when she is her most open with another character about what she went through she tells Kaz that “Tante Heleen wasn’t always cruel” and explains emotional abuse and manipulation that Heleen layered with her physical and financial abuse. It so importantly echoes Van Eck’s abuse of Wylan, because ultimately he was always an emotionally abusive and manipulative person. Discovering that Wylan couldn’t read at age 8 didn’t magically switch him from a loving husband and father to the monster we see in the duology, and it is implied that he was abusing Marya in some form prior to sending her away. But Wylan clings to the things that his father did that seem loving, at least on the surface, and blames himself for any problems in his parents marriage - “they argued a lot, sometimes about me. But I remember them laughing a lot too”. (The quote is along those lines sorry I don’t have my book on me right now). This quote always intrigued me because not only does Wylan label himself as the common denominator in any issues they had, he also quickly jumps in to add defence as if their relationship is never supposed to be touched upon or examined too closely. Wylan also says “My father trusts himself first, Alys only so far”, which is really interesting to me because it clearly implies that there is a limit to anything positive Van Eck shares with his supposed loved ones. I don’t think there’s supposed to be any implication that Van Eck is abusing Alys right now, but if you disagree please let me know if be interested to hear it, but I do think that we’re supposed to be aware that he would begin to do so further down the line.

Ok I won’t lie to you guys I’ve kind of lost track of my point, so I’m gonna leave this here for now and if I decide to add anything later then I’ll reblog to continue. If anyone would like to add anything please do, and thanks for reading!

[jackwolfes]

Hey....so uhm....i saw this post by @/sapphling which goes like this:

"underrated threesome dynamic of herding dog x lamb x wolf

it's about being caught between the grip of somebody who wants to protect you and somebody who wants to devour you and knowing that what they both share is a desire to possess you in your entirety btw"

and may I say Jesper x Wylan x Kaz? yes?

also the dynamic would completely change given who would be the lamb but like- it's so them

ok I see you I hear you I completely get the vision and respect it so hard. however 1) I see "wolf" and cannot help but think Matthias and 2) idk what it is but I'm gripped by protective Wylan looking at jesper like "let yourself get taken care of pls"

but like the bottom line any way you dice it is YES

[snowblack-charcoalwhite]

SixThree of Crows and their love pledges

However many differences there are between the three Crows ships, they have at least one thing in common: the way in which one person says they love the other.

I would come for you. And if I couldn’t walk, I’d crawl to you, and no matter how broken we were, we’d fight our way out together—knives drawn, pistol blazing. Because that’s what we do. We never stop fighting.

Kaz values his independence, the walls he built between himself and the rest of the world, above many things - almost above all else. But to Inej he says that he`ll throw all his plans, goals and schemes to the wind - for her. He says 'We', he says 'Together'. The wolf is not so lone after all, right, Mr. Brekker? Well, the crow is certainly not. To admit he`s not all about 'each man for himself' to Inej is not a burden after all - because he loves her.

I have been made to protect you. Only in death will I be kept from this oath.

For Nina Matthias opens his mind and leaves behind his occupation that he committed himself to. For him any oath is not easily given - and eveh harder broken. But Nina - and his feelings for her - help him to see the error of his ways and bring forth the best part of him. That`s why he readily gives her what is most precious to him - his faith, his loyalty, to the end of his days (screw you, CK Chapter 40). And it is not a loss for him - because he loves her.

I can read to him.

Jesper is a free bird - always on the move, never resting, taking risks, cherishing the danger. Yet he commits himself to Wylan - to keep his secret, to help him guard it, to know that Wylan depends on him. Jesper`s willing to tame his restlessness, to delve into himself in search of qualities he didn`t even think he possessed - for Wylan. And it`s not a hardship - because he loves him.

Kaz, Matthias and Jesper all make a sacrifice by giving up something essential for their loved ones` sake. And that`s the best kind of sacrifice - because in making it they overcome their own pain, prejudice, vices and weaknesses. By parting with something they hold very important they become greater not lesser, stronger not weaker.

Also: I just love how Kaz`s pledge is the longest and Jesper`s is the shortest. Breaking some stereotypes here:)

[ladylokilaufeyson5]

MYSTERY - w/ Kaz Brekker/Jesper Fahey please ! <33

A : "She's/They're/He's crazy!"

B : "Me? No, just goal oriented!"

C : "..I think the barrel's finally gotten to her/them/him.."

A/N: enjoy<3

Pairings: Kaz Brekker x Reader (could be romantic if you want but it's not really specific)

Warnings: mentions of illegal activity. idk anything else

Words: 300+

“You want me to break into the governor’s house – which, by the way, is illegal–”

Kaz cut you off with a huff and a roll of his eyes. “As if you haven’t done worse.”

“Yeah, I’m actually concerned why that’s the part you’re emphasising,” Jesper added with a small chuckle.

You glared at the sharpshooter, who only waggled his eyebrows in response.

“I’m leading up to it,” you grumbled. “Anyway, you want me to break into his house, get into the most secure safe in the world and steal his most prized possession – which is worth well over what most people see in a lifetime – and also kidnap his wife?!”

Kaz shrugged and turned in his chair. You honestly had your doubts about this little mission – of course, you’d done things like this before, but never at the same time. All six of the other crows were in the room too, and quite a few of them were also clearly lacking confidence at the plan. Of course, no one was doubting your ability to get the job done, but more so the level of difficulty required, as well as the fact that you were going to have to do it alone.

“I know you can do it, Y/n,” Kaz said, twisting a gold coin between his fingers.

“Actually, I agree with Y/n,” Wylan interjected. “Are you crazy?” 

“Me? No, just goal oriented,” Kaz responded, not even looking a little bit alarmed or even angry that someone had just accused him of being insane.

Which he might actually be.

“I think the barrel’s finally gotten to him,” Inej whispered.

“The barrel got to me a long time ago,” Kaz countered. 

Matthias sighed loudly. “So you’re telling me we’re running around with an mad man?”

“As if you didn’t know that already,” Jesper scoffed. “It’s all downhill from here.”

“Or, it’s not,” Kaz disagreed. “Wouldn’t you all like to be rich beyond your wildest dreams?”

Kaz turned to look at you, his stare hard but softer than he ever looked at the others. It was barely noticeable, but you could see it. See the worry and care in his eyes, see it being battled by his faith and confidence in you.

“I’ll do it,” you decided.

Wylan sighed and whispered to Jesper, “I think the barrel’s gotten to Y/n, too.”

come and join the celebration!

[intosnarkness]

98. “I can’t watch you with someone else. It’s tearing me apart.” Kanej

(1 2 or make up your own) (ask) Warning: This very quickly got out of my control and now it's this. It gets a little pg-13 near the end and involves jealous, possessive behavior from Kaz. Also I started writing something else for this about Kaz & Inej breaking up and her being the jealous one but that's going into drafts for now and you get this and you like it.

Inej has so many skills that Kaz appreciates - she's brilliant, she's stealthy, and she's dangerous. But just like men look at him and see the limp and write him off, too many people look at Inej and see her beauty and assume that she's just a pretty face.

It's not Kaz's favorite thing about humanity. It's actually one of the things that makes him want to slaughter whole legions. How dare anyone underestimate his Wraith? How dare they treat her like a commodity?

But there are some nights, some jobs, where the shortsightedness of weak men works in his favor. Jobs where her looks are an asset he needs to exploit. Which is how Kaz Brekker finds himself walking into a charity ball in a top hat and tails, with his beautiful thief of secrets on his arm.

The irony of it is that they're invited guests. Since the auction, since Kaz chased his only significant competition out of town and took over the Barrel, he's been courted by various merchers and their ilk. Some want his favor, some want his friendship. All of them want something.

Kaz makes a great game of what events and activities he goes to. Councilman Radmakker's niece's 3rd birthday? Absolutely. Wylan's croquet and canape soiree for the midsummer? Not a chance. He remains a blight and a question to these high-minded assholes, which is how he likes it.

The event tonight is some kind of silent auction on top of an excuse for people to show of how much they spent on clothing. He doesn't care what the cause is, probably something along the lines of securing jobs for indigent toddlers so they can grow warm in Ghezen's chokehold. It doesn't matter.

What matters is that the ball and auction is at the Museum of Commerce. And the Museum of Commerce has an extensive gem collection that Kaz has every intention of making his extensive gem collection.

If anyone paid actual attention, they would have figured out that there was a pattern to Kaz's sporadic attendance at events. He went to the ones with the best targets. There was nothing he wanted from the Van Eck mansion that he couldn't get by walking in and asking Jesper to hand it to him. There was everything to be gained from Radmakker holding a child's party at the forsaken exchange where Kaz could slip into the records room and learn a few things about who had been buying indentures. But these society shitheads were altogether far too myopic to notice something like the Barrel boss they all prayed wouldn't come to an event disappearing for a few minutes. They were too secure to worry about the thief in their midst, and too arrogant to think he would abuse their hospitality. He would, and he does.

It had been chance that brought Inej to port for this job - if she hadn't made it Kaz would have had to come alone, which is always annoying. If he shows up without an escort, it's open season for every empty-headed Council offspring to try and use their genitals to secure an alliance with the Bastard of the Barrel. It's an onslaught for any eligible, wealthy bachelor. Some nights he and Wylan flip a coin for which one of them gets Jesper on their arm to act as a buffer.

But tonight Inej is with him and Kaz isn't going to complain about the way the blue-green silks she's wearing frame her body, how the long column of her skirt wraps around her slim waist.

She does look beautiful. But more than that, she looks gorgeously, perfectly Suli, and it is going to drive everyone in the room insane. These sheltered money men want nothing more than something new to look at, to touch, to own. A woman like Inej is going to steal every heart in the room with these weak-minded twits.

The plan tonight is to split up. For Inej to distract as best she can with flirting and banter. For her to commandeer the spotlight and let Kaz slip into the shadows where he belongs.

But like every plan Kaz starts out with, it almost immediately goes pear-shaped.

Because when Inej walks across the room, her hips swaying like the ocean lapping at the shore, Kaz feels a stab of anger.

Not at her. Never at her. No, the rage that roils Kaz's stomach is brought on by the eyes in the room that all snap to her. Which is what he wanted. He can see a few rich assholes who are practically salivating. He wonders how many of them would have paid money to abuse her when she was a slave. He wonders how many of them he could kill before the first one hit the ground.

Inej makes it to the bar, where she doesn't have to wait more than a minute before she accepts a drink from a smarmy man in a puce waistcoat. She giggles at him, her fingertips ghosting over his sleeve. Kaz hopes she's picking his pocket, but he also wants to die at the idea that she's giving her laughter to anyone but him. He's greedy for her happiness, he always had been. That she would keep it from him--

He has a job to do. He has things that aren't his yet. He has to get moving before the window closes.

Kaz stays, and he watches.

He watches as she accepts more drinks, but somehow no one notices her refusal to drink them, putting them down and never looking at them again.

He watches as a small army of men and women surround her and she holds court, her sweet voice and lilting accent carrying across the room with no words attached by the time they sink into his mind.

He watches as the band strikes up, and a tall, blond man who looks like he should be advertising underwear asks Inej to dance, and she allows him to lead her onto the floor.

The feeling - and it's not anger, not rage, it's something else and he can't name it - bubbles, hot and fast, in every inch of his being. He thinks he could set something on fire just by touching it.

And then, on her third turn around the room, her third partner, Inej locks eyes with him.

He knows her thoughts as soon as her gaze meets his. The plan doesn't have him standing here at this point, so something must be wrong. She needs to hit a contingency, but which one? And why isn't he communicating anything to her, giving any sign.

He shakes his head once, just enough for her to see it. And when the song ends, when she and her partner return to a state where they aren't touching, Inej gives a sweet curtsy and says something to the sweet-faced woman she'd been dancing with.

Kaz doesn't listen to the excuse. He just leaves.

He's a few blocks down the street when he feels her behind him, a light tread and a change in the air.

"Kaz?" Inej breathes. His shoulders go up defensively as he feels the air change again, suddenly afraid she'll touch his back, but she doesn't. She just appears in front of him, blocking his path.

"Are you okay?" she asks, her voice sounding thin. Scared.

Kaz shakes his head again, but he swallows his pride - because that's the price of being with someone like Inej. Sometimes to keep something wonderful, you have to give up a part of you that doesn't matter. Tonight that's the pride that makes him not want to tell her everything about how awful it was to see her walking in the sun where she belongs.

He ducks into the alley to their left, pulling her with him by her elbow.

When they're out of the public street, obscured by shadows, Kaz takes a moment to close his eyes, His teeth drawing blood from his lower lip.

"The mission was a no-go," he says. "No jewels. The guards-- they were--"

He doesn't have a lie to tell her. Kaz cannot remember the last time he needed a lie and couldn't conjure one.

"What is going on with you?" she asks, and her voice is still holding an edge of fright, but now there's an undercurrent of annoyance, of anger. She's owed an answer, but Kaz doesn't know what to tell her.

"I--" he can't. He doesn't know how to say it. He doesn't know what the feeling was, or why he had it. He just knows he did. "I can't take you on jobs like this anymore," he says, and he straightens up, beginning to move toward the mouth of the alley, to get home and forget about this stupid night. Her hand catches his before he can move more than a step.

"You were jealous," she says, softly.

The word rings out in the quiet night. Jealous.

Kaz has always been jealous- of his brother for getting to do things when Kaz was too young to come too. Of the rich mercher boys and girls in their warm beds. Of the dead. Of the rich. He's always had hunger.

He's just never felt it for a person, before. Never felt something akin to possessive over another human. It's weird. It's a little gross. He doesn't like it, and decides not to engage.

"Seeing you with other people was--" he sighs and rubs at his eyes with his free hand. "Not my favorite."

Inej drops his hand, but he doesn't move. She takes a step towards him.

"You didn't like it?" she asks, and her voice isn't scared anymore. It's dark, and it makes Kaz shiver. "Seeing me with other people? Taking drinks from them and letting them touch me?"

Kaz doesn't growl. He doesn't. But he wants to. "Fuck all of them," he says, moving forward to close the distance between them. He doesn't grab her - he will never grab her - but they're close enough that he can feel the heat of her. "I don't like to share."

Inej's smile is almost predatory as she reaches forward. She hesitates before her hand touches his cheek, and he nods slightly to let her know it's okay.

Her hand on his face is electric. It's euphoric. Their skin touching is a drug and it compels him to speak the truth.

"I can’t watch you with someone else," Kaz says. "It tears me apart. I can't think about you with anyone but me. I'm jealous and greedy and needy and poor. I would beg in rags for the scraps of you."

Her face contorts for a moment, like she's trying to understand what he's saying. He doesn't want to say more. There are three little words, always at the back of his mind, but he can't give them to her. Not in a dark alley after a failed heist.

"Saints," Inej breathes, and she drops her hand from his face to lace their fingers together. "So take me home," she says. "And show me how to put you back together, you covetous thing."

He does.

And if the morning sun rises on them, curled together in the attic of the slat, his arm thrown over her shoulders and his nose buried in her satin hair, well. No one else needs to know about that.

[slightlyunconventional]

ok ok but picture N/ina trying to help K/az hold back because they have to be quiet on a heist or something (maybe a good old sneezing-while-hiding type thing) and then when they’re out of the situation she releases her powers and he just ERUPTS…could you imagine…😍

i am doing more than imagining UGHHH this was literally too god not to write into a fic

(anyone who wants to disprove any of the h/eartrender science can argue with the wall. who care about canon) Also the intro to this is a bit long sorry

tease (subjecting k/az b/rekker to the classic sneezing while hiding treatment)

K/az and N/ina stuffed themselves into a wardrobe, backs pressed against the wall, panting hard. They had just narrowly escaped several armed guards who tailed them through the winding corridors of the mansion they'd broken into. A 500,000 kruge job - all they'd had to do was infiltrate Herr Frühling's (a rather obnoxious nom-de-plume) manor, and pilfer an expensive jade brooch from his personal safes. Obtaining the brooch had been plain sailing. The latter half of the heist could not be said the same for. I/nej had recorded the guards' schedules the evening prior, but the ostentatious gentleman of the mansion just so happened to refresh the rotas mere hours before their arrival. What K/az thought was the perfect window to sneak in had actually turned out to be the very minute the guards came back on duty.

Now, they were split up. Inej made her own way out, of course, Jesper, Wylan, and a reluctant Matthias chose a rather gunshot-explosion-heavy escape route, so Kaz ended up with Nina, thundering down Frühling's pristine hallways, three guards hot on their heels. Nina had managed to slow the guards for a brief period with her powers, though not for long - there wasn't a whole lot a Grisha could do while running through a house as fast as possible. This had allowed them an advantage, though, as they stormed through the nearest door into what appeared to be a guest bedroom.

The closet was surprisingly spacious, possessing enough room to allow both of them to collapse to the dusty wooden floor in exhaustion.

Nina watched Kaz set his cane down to the side of him and grimace as he bent his knees up in front of him.

"Saints, what a dick," Nina breathed, clearly referring to Frühling's ridiculousness. Much to his dismay, Kaz had had to be the distraction to keep the gentleman away from his safes, while Inej's limited lockpicking skills were put to the test obtaining the brooch. The balding man showed clear interest in what he called Kaz's "little finger tricks" - what really was just sleight of hand. Kaz had humoured him, however, entertaining the idiot with vanishing coins and cards.

"Is it bad I never want to do a magic trick again?" Kaz said.

"Don't blame you," Nina replied with a snort. "Reckon this guards have gone yet?"

Kaz listened for a moment. "Not sure. I haven't heard them pass, but they might still be knocked out."

He shifted in place, grimacing.

"Has this closet ever been cleaned? God, all I'm breathing is this fucking d-duhh-!"

"Dust?" Nina finished with a smirk.

He breathed in sharply. "hahH!- hah'kkschh! huh'kxxsch! Fuck..."

Nina raised her eyebrows, quietly laughing. "I didn't think you could sneeze."

"Zip it, or I'll- hhuh.. I'll--huH'KSChhiew!" Three sneezes in and they were already rising in volume and pitch.

"Or you'll what?" Nina teased, "Sneeze at me?"

She snorted again seeing the way his glower quickly went slack, overtaken by an impending fourth sneeze.

"hUH'iSHHhiew!"

"Crap." Nina's grin dropped.

Kaz emerged from his elbow. "What?"

Three sets of footsteps entered the room. He and Nina turned to each other, eyes wide.

"Shit." Kaz said, voice barely a whisper, "Can you access them from in here?"

Nina shook her head. "We just have to hope for the best.."

The footsteps slowed down; the guards were scanning the room. Nina heard Kaz's steady breathing begin to snag. Oh, Saints, not now she thought.

"hihH-!"

Nina nudged him urgently with her elbow. All he could do was look back helplessly as he struggled against the need to sneeze.

Then, she had a thought. Sure, she couldn't access the guards' pulses from inside the closet, but maybe she could access Kaz. She'd messed with people's breathing before, drawn air from their lungs to leave them gasping and coughing, so how hard could it be to simply, stop someone sneezing? She thought it was worth a try.

Nina raised her hands and drew them together, feeling the thrum of Kaz's pulse and the rise of each desperate breath. She took his breath, and held it. Not so much that he couldn't breathe, but enough to suppress any oncoming outbursts.

Kaz turned to her in horror despite his lax features. Nina's efforts seemed to be working, because, despite the irritated twitch of his nose, he wasn't sneezing any more. He did though, seem to be stuck in a permanent 'about-to-sneeze' face, which Nina thought was positively adorable. She would definitely be telling Inej all about this.

The footsteps drew closer. Nina's heart pounded. One of the guards was standing right outside the closet door. Nina's grip on Kaz's breathing tightened, and she held her own breath, body tense. Kaz was totally still, eyes barely open, brows drawn together, mouth hanging halfway open. Nina thought she'd never seen anyone need to sneeze that badly before.

"They're not here. Move!" commanded a thick Zemeni accent. The footsteps left the room, fading away in tandem down the corridor.

Nina sighed, never more relieved in her life. A part of her wanted to keep her hands together, hold Kaz's breath until his dignity was in tatters, but she very much valued her skull. She let go, separating her hands.

A series of staggered gasps escaped him as his brows drew closer. Kaz ducked into his elbow, burying his face deep in the sleeve of his coat.

"HahH-hUH-HH'KKSCHHhiew! 'ISHHhuh! huH'SSHHhiew!"

"Is this a new world record? 'Ketterdam local sneezes a trillion times in five minutes?" Nina laughed.

"huh'kKSHhew! Ugh. Shut up."

Nina kicked the closet door open from her seated position and hauled herself up into the glamourous guest bedroom. She groaned.

"Oh, my legs."

Kaz didn't stand up. Instead, he sneezed, a messy triple barely covered by the hand he lifted halfway to his face.

"hih'sSCHHhiew! kxXSCHuh! -huhh... huh'KSHHuhh!"

Nina tried not to laugh again as she offered him an arm to stand up. He ignored it, pushing himself up out of the closet. He was rubbing his nose with his free hand, leather gloves clearly doing nothing to help.

"Fancy that - the Bastard of the Barrel and he's got a dust allergy! Hilarious." giggled Nina.

Kaz strode straight past her, out of the bedroom and down the hallway.

[aeslenya]

Six Of Crows: Incorrect Quotes

-------

Jesper: I can’t believe you live nearby, and you won’t let anyone crash at your place.

Kaz: You people already know too much about me.

Nina: I know exactly three facts about you, and one of them is that you won’t let any of us crash at your place.

Inej: *walking into the room* Hey Kaz what time do you want me to come ove-

Jesper: SERIOUSLY?!?

Nina: ...

Wylan: ...

Matthias: Pay up, Zenik.

Nina: Dammit

Inej and Kaz: You placed a bet on us?!?

Nina: *looks at Matthias* obviously.

Kaz: But wh-

Jesper: I'VE KNOWN YOU LONGER AND SHE GETS TO KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE AND GETS TO SLEEPOVER?!?

Kaz: Well I'm not going to apologize for it so you can forget that.

Kaz: Besides, as long as I've known you, you've never let me in touch your precious guns.

Jesper: Don't bring them into this.

*Nina whispering to Matthias*

Nina: Bet you 50 kruge Jesper lets Wylan touch his guns.

Matthias: You're on.

Kaz: No, let's do.

Kaz: Wylan, does your beloved Jesper let you touch his most prized possessions?

Jesper: Wylan don't you dare.

Wylan: ...

Kaz: I do believe the silence is quite loud.

Nina: Pay up, Helvar.

Matthias: FUCKING HELL

-------

*The group is getting into the car*

Kaz: I’m driving.

Jesper, out of view: Shotgun!

Inej , turning to face Jesper: Aww! But you had it on the way here-

Everyone except Jesper: WOAH-

Jesper, holding a shotgun: No! I found a shotgun! And I want the front seat! *Pumps gun*

-------

Nina: Must be hard not being able to laugh

Matthias: I do have a sense of humor you know

Nina: I’ve never heard you laugh before

Matthias: I’ve never heard you say anything funny

-------

Wylan: A theif.

Kaz: Thief?

Wylan: Theif.

Kaz: I before E, except after C.

Wylan: Thceif.

Wylan: No.

[sissytobitch10seconds]

Be My Own

Fandom: Grishaverse: Six of Crows Summary: Inej has had her freedom in the form of her invisible wings and her ship for quite a while. All it takes is one hand in the wrong place from the wrong person for her to feel it all being taken from her. Warnings: Past sexual slavery, past kidnapping, PTSD, flashbacks, self harm, and dissociation Word Count: 4,814 Ship(s): Inej Ghafa/Nina Zenik/Kaz Brekker/Matthias Helvar/Jesper Fahey/Wylan Van Eck

Archive link!

A/N: I know that this is pretty similar to the one that I wrote for Kaz but I tried to have Inej dissociate more than have flashbacks necessarily. I also tried to be as respectful to Inej's trauma as I could be while also drawing from my own experience with sexual abuse, so hopefully this comes off okay. This one is pretty heavy, so be warned before you go in. Heed the warnings! Stay sissy and bitchy everyone &lt;3

The sea breeze always whipped the edges of her hair back in a mad frenzy. It reminded her of what it was like to walk the highest of high wires, the ones that she had strung up between the silos all those years ago. She found it a little endearing that her hair was the only part of her body that she wasn’t able to command like a Grisha. No matter how many times she smoothed it back into increasingly elaborate braids and cages, the smaller strands around her face escaped so that they could grasp her ears and cheeks.

The smell reminded her of both of the homes that she had known before she had come in possession of the Wraith. Back in Ravka, her family had moved along the coast very often when they were going between cities. The beach had been one of her aunt’s favorite places, so the uncle that was married to her would try his best to persuade the family to stay and practice there for as long as they could. The sea there had smelled crisp and fresh in a way that she had only experienced when she was out sailing on it. Back in the other home that she had known, in Ketterdam, it smelled almost black and foul with the heaviness of the trade that happened there. The crisp bite of the saltwater was tainted by boats and the fish that they carried from deep within the sea.

That was the scent that they were approaching now, but they were still far enough away that she was drowning in memories of being a child. She could let her heart sing back to the place that had taught her everything she needed to know for scaling the crows’ nest to spot land before they hit it and watching for other ships, while staring dead ahead at the place that had taught her how to take down slavers without so much as giving them a second thought.

She walked from the prow of the boat over to the side, where she folded her arms and leaned heavily on the railing. She watched as the dark blue water turned aqua and then white, lapping at the paint that spelled out the name of her boat. They would have to repaint it soon, just so that every slaver and druskelle ship that they encountered knew who was taking them down.

Inej was jerked from her thoughts when another body joined her. She turned and smiled when she heard the familiar voice say, “Captain.”

“First mate,” she greeted with a gentle head tilt in reply. Jessie was a young boy but he was the best sailor in the entire crew. Allegedly, his mother had chosen to give him up and abandoned him at one of the sea master's houses with a note pinned to the front of his baby blanket. Even he himself didn’t know if that was actually the truth or if that was just the romantic nonsense that was left over after years of it being passed around. He was taller than Inej by a head and covered with the same wiry muscles that her brother and cousins had been. He was also the only sailor on her ship that got to sing the Song of the Drowning, which was an old Kerch song said to bring misfortune to those that hadn’t survived a sunken ship if they were to sing even a note from it, inland or not.

“Are you excited to be back in Kerch?” Jessie asked, kicking at the desk with the toe of his boot. He reminded Inej of Jesper in that way, he always had to be moving. She assumed that it was because he had grown up on boats and the constant motion had been a necessity, but it might have also just been a Fabrikator trait.

“Of course I am,” she beamed. They were heading back a little ahead of schedule because they had come across a stream of slaver ships and their decks were full of the people that they had helped rescue. Most of them were Kerch Grisha who wanted to return to their homes despite the risk that came with that. Inej respected the freedom of choice from every single person that she and her crew rescued, even if she knew that she was bringing them back to certain death. They had left a double handful in Ravka which meant they were a little less crowded for space, but there was no way that they could complete their mission and possibly load more people onto their boat. “Are you?” Inej asked, watching his posture.

“Yeah,” he gave a decisive nod. “I feel like I haven’t seen Katie in forever. I’m going to ask her to marry me one of these days, when I have enough money to buy her a proper Kerch ring. I wanted to make something but I just don’t think that I’m good enough.”

She sized him up for a second, trying to figure out what would soothe him best. She knew that Katie was the girl that was always waiting back for him in the harbor, the one that Kaz knew was the best at growing and making poisons in the entirety of the Barrel and maybe even Kerch. That was how she had found out about Jessie in the first place, and it was just luck that he hadn’t picked a crew after his last one had been swallowed by the waves when she wanted to recruit him. “When I proposed to my girl,” she started, watching him again to see what his reaction was. The rest of the crew was aware that she had a partner of some sort, someone she always returned to when they went inland, but none of them had ever bothered to pry to find out who it was.

“You have a girl, Captain?” he asked, raising one of those mischievous teenage brows at her.

“Is that surprising to you?” Inej couldn’t help the smile that was spreading across her face. She desperately wanted to be able to find her brother, but Jessie reminded her enough of him that it soothed the ache during the long voyages while they were saving other people.

Jessie stood back and looked her over like he was trying to solve a particularly interesting puzzle. “Nah, I don’t think so. You look like the type to have a girl, I just never thought of it before.”

“Where did you think I was always rushing off to when we docked?” she laughed.

“I guess I just assumed that you had a large collection of pet snakes that you didn’t want to leave on their own for too long,” he shrugged.

She snorted and then knocked their shoulders together. He grinned back at her and leaned against the railing of the boat like she was. They were quiet for a bit before Inej said, “When you propose, don’t worry too much about the ring. Do it some place that you both find romantic and speak to her from your heart. If she really does love you then it won’t matter what kind of jewelry she gets to wear around her neck while she’s working.”

While she spoke, she brought her hand up to the earrings that decorated her left ear. It was a tradition of her people, since they worked with their hands, to pierce the ears when they took partners. Inej had one for each spouse, which she had gotten after she had proposed to them or they had proposed to her. Legally she was only married to Kaz, but spiritually she knew that her Saints had acknowledged her relationship with all five of them. She hadn’t proposed with any jewelry because there were different customs for each of them, even Kaz and Wylan had grown up in completely different circles. Instead they had gone out and picked what they had thought fit them best.

Matthias had given her something that was made out of steal, hard but still shiny and beautiful. Kaz had given her something that looked like a talon and was made out of silver, refusing to buy gold. Jesper had given her something that he had made himself, shiny and a little lopsided and made from stone. Wylan had given her something that was made from a chemical compound and hung off of her ear like a water droplet that would never fall. Nina had given her something close to a ring that she wore at the very bottom of her ear. She cherished every single one of them and only took them out when she needed to disguise herself or clean the jewelry.

She let out a little sigh when one of the other members of her crew called Jessie away so that he could help with something. They were nearing the harbor faster than they had been before as the wind picked up with an oncoming storm, which meant that it was going to be all hands on deck sooner than she had anticipated. She let her thoughts whisk her away as she fell into the steps that she had so many times before, working with her crew the same way that she always did when they were pulling into dock.

The refugees were shuttled over to whatever embassy they needed, escorted by lower ranking members of her crew, and Inej was free to leave them. Jessie and Katie had already found each other again because she always had the almost uncanny ability to tell when he was coming back home, even when they were off schedule.

Inej was excited to be back in the arms of her own lovers, so left many of the things that she would want back in her cabin to collect later so she could get back home sooner. She stuck to the shadows and checked out every single building that she walked by like she always did when she was back in Ketterdam. When she was on her ship, it became the Wraith, the known danger and threat that hurt people who abused their power, but when she stepped off of it she took that spirit back into her.

She was apparently distracted enough with the conversation that she had with her first mate and thoughts of her spouses to not notice that another body was barrelling towards her. She only became aware of it when a hand wrapped around her waist and a broad chest that she didn’t recognize was pressed all the way up her torso to the point where it echoed over her head.

The hairs on her arms stood up while every muscle in her body shifted into a rigid, totally inflexible state. She was frozen in place like her feet were unable to move, to help her get away from the feeling that was spreading out from the deepest point of her gut. She was trapped in place, in her body, even though she had long since learned how to be free. Her jaw set and her eyes stared down at the ground. It felt like a million little bugs had come awake just underneath her skin and then had begun skittering and moving around so that nothing felt like it was under her control anymore.

Inej felt her soul seize up in her body until she felt it recede back into the dark place in her mind that she had utilized when she was working back in the Menagerie. It had been years and years since that had happened, but that space was always lurking in the background to bring her back into its comforting arms.

She stayed back in that place in her mind even after the body hurriedly moved off of her. It was like she was watching the entire world move around in through a screen, unable to reach out or scream or get the help she needed. She jerked slightly when the body moved off of her and her hand instinctively reached down so that she was gripping the handle of one of her knives.

“I’m so sorry, I thought that you were my wife, the two of you are about the same height,” the man that had reached around her explained. He looked like he was being genuine, but the part of Inej’s brain that was swamped with panic and hurt and pain was struggling to believe him. She only just barely registered that he was speaking in Suli and his ear was pierced with the same kind of earrings that she wore for her own partners.

Her tongue felt heavy in her mouth and her heart even heavier in her chest. She gave him a once-over and then turned back around. She didn’t know what she would do if she kept looking at him or if their conversation ended up dragging out. If he had actually mistaken her for someone that had given consent for that to happen, which she deeply wanted to believe because that meant that there was still good in the world, then it would be wrong of her to hurt him.

Her body was moving completely on its own without any input from her. She remembered back to when she was working at the Menagerie, when she had been nothing but another pretty or expensive ornament on the wall. She had played the part and tucked herself away in the little black void that she was sitting in now. Something else had been driving her body so that she could work and stay alive without the pain of the whips and fans that Heleen used to beat her girls when they misbehaved. She had believed back then that it was her Saints, helping her out of her mind and her body so that she didn’t have to face the trauma that she endured, driving her limbs for her.

She didn’t know if it was the Saints now, the ones that were guiding her nimbly through the streets of Ketterdam, but she felt just like she had back then.

Inej barely even registered it when she unlocked front gate of the Van Eck mansion and then walked through the front door. Wylan and Jesper were in the front office, talking to one of the other members of the Merchant Council. Nina and Matthias were likely out on a date since it was the day after the full moon, which was always when they went out. Kaz would be in one of the properties that he owned while dealing with some business himself.

She was glad for it, this once, because she wasn’t sure that she could actually face any of them at the moment. She loved them with her entire heart but she couldn’t bring herself out of her mind and the thought of being touched or ogled or perceived made her want to stop being.

Slowly, she trudged up the stairs to the floor where they stayed. She saw Marya out of the corner of her eye and half registered her name falling from the older woman’s lips but she couldn’t bring herself to turn. She felt like she was a walking zombie, the dead brought back to life by the bastardized power that rested in her wife’s chest.

She wanted to be back on her boat, on the freedom of the seas with the wind whipping her hair and her crew surrounding her. She wanted to be sheltered in the Slat on the window seat that Kaz had made especially for her. She wanted to be anywhere than where she was right now, replaying the moments that she had felt like this before.

She found herself standing in the hallway, motionless and stuck the same way that she had been when she had stopped feeling like herself. When she heard the door downstairs open, she rushed to the bathroom as quickly as her feet would take her. She wasn’t elegant and silent as she had been before, but awkward and uncoordinated and scared.

The door locked behind her and she began to strip herself out of her clothing as quickly as she could. She had always worn something that was form fitting, it worked better for the aerial stunts that she had done as a child and then again when she needed to be silent and hidden while working with the Dregs. Now she couldn’t stand the thought of the fabric clinging to her body the same way that the man had. 

She turned on the faucet to the bathtub and got in before it had even begun to fill the basin. It was as hot as it would go and when it touched her, it almost felt as though her skin was boiling off. She whimpered as the pain echoed through her legs and up to her already aching soul, but she stayed in it. She had to burn off the feeling of hands she didn’t know and didn’t want crawling over the skin and body that was meant to be hers.

Inej didn’t know how long she had sat in the bath, but at one point she had turned the faucet off so that it didn’t overflow. She must have been in it for hours because by the time that her thoughts snapped back to the present, the water around her was cold. Her skin was tender both from the reminiscent feeling that was creeping over her and the exposure to the increasingly hot temperature of the water.

The thing that snapped her from her thoughts as a knock at the door and then the voice of someone she cared for deeply. “Inej?”

She tried to open her mouth to say something but the only thing that came was a sob. She felt more out of control and panicked than she had before. It was like the last bit of control and safety that she had gained through the lock on the door and the heat of the water slipped through her agile fingers. Her mind barely even registered who was speaking to her, unable to put the deep baritone in its place, but she knew that it wasn’t going to help her now. She curled forward on herself after clasping one of her hands over the lower half of her face and began to cry. Her entire body shook with the force of every single sob that tore its way out of her throat and into the open air around her.

The next person that came and said something to the door was different, they felt safer for a reason that she couldn’t quite put her finger on. “Inej, beloved one, I want you to get up and open the door for me, please. I won’t come in or look if you don’t want me to but I have to make sure that you’re okay.”

Inej struggled out of the bath but didn’t bother to stop any of the tears racing down her face. She grabbed one of the towels from the linen closet beside the huge basin and then wrapped it around her frail body. She sniffled slightly as her hand fumbled on the lock, another wave of tears echoing out over her when she finally got it open and revealed herself to Nina.

“Sweetheart, what happened?” Nina asked, reaching out to place a hand on the other woman’s face. Inej stepped back as though she had been burned, terrified that the itching and crawling feeling she had just barely gotten to go away would come back and overwhelm her if someone touched her again.

Instead of getting upset like she had half been expecting the other to, Nina just put her hands up so that Inej could see them both. “Can I come into the bathroom?”

“No,” she answered, her voice hoarse from crying. One hand grasped onto the towel that was covering her nudity and the other was clutching the doorframe. “I want some clothes.”

Nina looked her over and then nodded, her face infuriatingly neutral about the whole situation. She carefully stepped back and then walked down the hall so that she could get the requested items. 

Where she was locked back in her own mind, Inej was furious. She was screaming at her body to move and speak and feel the way that she wanted it to. She hated Heleen and the men that had first grabbed her for making her feel like that in the first place. She resented her parents and the rest of her family for not protecting her like they had promised her that they always would. She resented every single kruge and being that stepped through the door of the Menagerie to take another part of her sanity, of her ability to love her spouses, of the very being that she was.

She didn’t move from the doorway the entire time that Nina was gone. She only jerked back when she saw the other return, her arm moving from the doorway to grab the clothing before she snapped the door shut. The towel fell away from her body and she refused to turn her head towards the mirror to see what she looked like. 

If it had been any other day, she would have seen the mornings spent giggling while writing silly messages with Jesper in the steamed glass, or the afternoons spent peacocking with Nina while they got ready for a date, or even the evening that she had made Kaz truly look at himself so that he could see that he wasn’t a monster. But it wasn’t any other day, it was that current day, and she knew that if she looked in the mirror and saw herself looking back then she would never be able to step back into her own body.

The massive white shirt that she had been given certainly didn’t belong to her. Based on the way that the cuffs were frayed over the buttons, she was guessing that it had belonged to Matthias. All of Kaz’s shirts were frayed but darned, Jesper’s were frayed all around the cuff from worrying them, and Wylan’s were neat because he rolled them up when he worked to avoid them getting dirty. Nina’s would have had lace, which Inej was actually grateful that she didn’t have to deal with.

It went over her head and then fell down over her naked body without a single issue, billowing around her like she was a ghost in a play. When she didn’t have to worry about her nakedness being on display, she slipped the pair of smalls on underneath it so she didn’t feel exposed.

Inej grasped the edge of the counter as she sunk down into a squatting position. She did the tricks that she and Kaz had worked on during his panic attacks to try and bring herself back. She didn’t want to feel like this, she didn’t want to give more credit to the people that had hurt her and tried to destroy her.

So instead she focused on the way that the woven material of the rug felt under her left foot compared to the cool of the tile on her right. She flexed the muscles of her hand and felt the sharp edge of the counter digging into her fingers. She could feel the way that her smalls were grinding against her guts because she hadn’t quite tied them right in her hurry to be covered. She could feel the way that the wetness of her hair clung to her forehead and the back of her neck. She could feel the way that the billowing cotton hanging from her shoulders creased and folded on the top of her legs.

Eventually, she felt the inky blackness that had wrapped around her slip away so that she was filling out her legs. Each of her fingers and toes were back under her control, her eyes and ears fully belonged to her. Her body was no longer under the control of her Saints, who were only trying to protect her, because she was enough herself that she could do the protecting.

Inej rose and then collected her clothing and the towels. She placed them into the laundry shoot after she had fished out all of her knives and her shoes. She walked back to the door with them still clutched in her hand and bowed her head shamefully when she saw that her wife was still standing out in the hallway. “I’m sorry,” she whispered as she tried hard not to start crying again.

“You don’t have to apologize, Inej,” Nina shook her head. “I think you’re actually incapable of doing anything wrong. But I am worried about you. Did something happen on your trip?”

She shook her head. She stepped out of the bathroom and the two of them began to walk down the hall, towards the master bedroom. Inej knew that she was pushing it a little bit by going there so quickly after coming back to herself, but she wanted to prove that Heleen had no hold over her anymore. “My trip went fine. The problem came because I was distracted while walking to meet you all. Someone mistook me for their wife and he touched me like the guys used to back when I was working at the Menagerie. Suddenly all I could think about was how I felt back then and I guess my body went into fight or flight.”

They had arrived at the bedroom, so Inej carefully placed each of her knives where they went on her vanity and then tucked her favorite shoes back where they belonged with the others. Nina was sitting on the edge of their grand bed while squeezing the life out of her skirts, “Did I help?”

“You did,” Inej nodded. She swallowed down the anxiety that raised at the thought of being touched again, reminding herself that she was safe. “Would you braid my hair?”

The elation that lit up Nina’s face was worth any feelings of panic brewing just underneath her heart. Inej walked over to the bed with her comb and brush, which she handed over as they got into their position. It was something that they had done often when they first got together and only increased in frequency after they were married. It soothed Inej to have someone that she loved pulling at her hair, guiding the strands to be apart from others and then to be twisted in the way Nina saw fit.

After they finished, they both crawled underneath the covers of the bed and tucked against each other. Wylan and Jesper came in a while later, hanging back while they checked that it was okay. Inej gave them the same explanation that she had Nina, which made her giggly when she saw the anger that crossed Wylan’s usually soft features. She felt herself melting into happiness when she was wrapped up in their arms. 

Matthias joined a while later, Axel dozing by his feet despite their constant promises that the dog wouldn’t join them in bed. They had been trying to find Trassel, the wolf that Matthias had trained with back when he lived in Fjerda, but it was hopeless after that much time had passed. Matthias had mourned a little bit more and then gotten another puppy that he could train and love. Axel was a massive wolfhound, enough dog that he could pass in public but enough wolf that he had stolen Matthias’ heart immediately.

“Inej?” Kaz asked from the end of the bed almost twenty minutes after she had started dozing.

“Yes?” she hummed, rolling to look at him.

“Did I hurt you earlier? When I knocked on the door to the bathroom?” he asked. He sounded every bit like the scared teenager she had first demanded a lack of armor from. She hated it when he got like that, but she also knew that the worry would be soothed easily.

“You didn’t. I was scared and not myself. Will you come to bed?” she asked, patting the blankets next to her where Jesper was doing his best imitation of a murder victim in his sleep.

“Not today,” he shook his head. He removed his glove and reached across the space to her, allowing their bare fingers to linger against each other for a while before he tucked himself away. She knew what it was like to have a bad day, she was having one herself, so she didn’t push it that time. He had essentially told her that he loved her, and that was all she could ever really ask for.

Heleen and the slavers had taken so much from her, but they would never be able to take away her resiliency or her love.

[oh-no-another-idea]

Find the word tag 💛🍰🌞

Tagged by the wonderful @author-a-holmes -- thank you, friend! <3 I worked a little on my Six of Crows fic yesterday, so have a little of that...

Purple:

The gift was wrapped in purple paper, cube shaped and firm. Kaz dragged his gaze downward to quickly rip through to the inside. Inside the box were three different sets of…things. Rings, intertwined, wood of some sort shaved paper thin and tied together, and a tiny wooden cube of checkered color. Kaz lifted one after the other up to the light and stared, wonderingly. “Puzzles,” Inej said, the word round with her grin. “I got you the hardest of each kind. Metal rings, bamboo ties, and the cube unlocks somehow.”

Four:

The books waited for him, problems stacked upon problems. First: to find out which box had been stolen from what ship. Second: to plan for Inej’s visit. Third: to think about what he could wear to the Spring Extravaganza that would piss off Biirkman the most. Fourth: to figure out if Anders still had possession of all four limbs. It was going to be a busy day.

Wind:

“I’ve got a big business deal coming up,” Wylan warned, hands still working slowly. “And it’s getting near my mother’s birthday. It’s not a good time for me—” “Relax.” Kaz flashed a shark’s smile to mess with him, and then studied the burnt orange marigolds spilling in through the open windows. “I’ve got three questions. One, is Burvelt’s spring extravaganza still scheduled for Tuesday, and are you going?”

Wolf:

“You look lovely,” Jesper said, enthused, holding Inej at arm’s length. “No pirates chopped off your arms? No scurvy? No gunfights or wolf attacks or raids? Saints, only you could go to sea and return healthier and haler than before.” “It’s the salt and the sun,” Wylan said dryly. “I hear it’s all the rage for skincare these days.”

No pressure tags for @words-after-midnight @mrbexwrites @sleepyowlwrites @sleepy-night-child @liv-is @eli-writes-sometimes @dogmomwrites @ashfordlabs and anyone else who'd like to look for the words golden, glue, gone, and gasp 🥂

[magicandpizza]

15?

Hello! Thank you so much for your patience. I hope you enjoy!

15. “I’m yours. Only yours.”

“What’s that face for?” Nina asks as she drops into the vacant chair opposite Wylan and places her drink down in front of her.

“What face? I’m not pulling a face.”

Nina snorts, eyes following Wylan’s gaze until she finds the source of his troubles and makes a noise of understanding. “Ah. Well, if looks could kill she’d certainly be more than dead by now.” 

Reluctantly, Wylan drags his eyes away from the woman currently flirting with his boyfriend at the bar and glances up at his friend. “She keeps touching his arm.” 

“You’re cute when you’re jealous,” Nina says, face splitting into a wide grin. 

In response, Wylan huffs at her over the rim of his glass. 

“Saints’ sake,” Nina mutters with a roll of her eyes. “If it’s bothering you so much just go and stake your claim on him.”

“Maybe I will,” Wylan says. He takes a last, fortifying gulp of his ale and stands up from the table, making a beeline for Jesper. Once he reaches the bar, he steps in close to Jesper, pointedly sliding an arm around his waist. 

“Hello, love,” Jesper greets him with a smile, leaning down to press a chaste kiss to Wylan’s lips. When he pulls away, Wylan just drags him back to kiss him again. It’s petty and possessive of him, but the woman is right there and Jesper is his, dammit.

Jesper raises an eyebrow at him when Wylan finally releases him. “Everything alright?”

In response, Wylan glances at the woman who’d been flirting with him, who fortunately is currently occupied talking to the bartender. 

“Baby, are you jealous?”

“No,” Wylan lies, tucking himself in against Jesper’s side and attempting to bury his face in his neck, but Jesper catches him with two fingers under his chin and tilts his face upwards. 

“You know I’m yours. Only yours,” Jesper says quietly, voice pitched low. 

He must be doing it on purpose, Wylan thinks. Jesper knows what it does to him when he uses that particular voice. Well, Jesper isn’t the only one who can play dirty. 

“Why don’t you take me home and show me, then?”

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

Don’t Go Blindly Into The Dark

Summary:

To hide that he can't read, Jan Van Eck has been forcing his son to pretend he's blind since he was eight years old. Wylan is now attending Ketterdam University, and meeting Jesper Fahey may very well be about to change his life. But is he safe to tell Jesper the truth? And what will Jesper say if he does?

Jesper is struggling to weigh up his life in the Barrel and his life at the University of Ketterdam, and there's a good chance that his growing debt is about to make the decision for him. He hasn't attended class consecutively for months, but maybe that will change when his newest project includes partnering up with Wylan Van Eck. But can he really leave the Barrel behind him? And how long can he keep up the pretence of who he thinks Wylan wants him to be?

Meanwhile there is a darkness growing in Ketterdam, and it seems a killer may be stalking the streets of West Stave. An unknown evil is closing its jaws over the city, and it’s starting to feel like nowhere is safe.

Tags: @justalunaticfangirl @lunarthecorvus @i-need-help-this-is-my-obsession

If anyone else would like to be tagged let me know :)

Content warnings for this chapter: gambling addiction, implied violence

AO3 link

Chapter 51 - Jesper

It was a rare thing for Jesper’s mind to wander this far during a game of cards. Usually they possessed his focus the same way a fight did; in the same way the world could narrow just you, a gun, and a target, so could it to a hand of cards, an opponent, and a table to serve as battleground. He had learned to study the other players, to recognise the underlying bristle in the air, the slight changes of demeanour, the sense of anticipation that gathered when a player came alert to the fact that they might have a winning hand. He was good at noticing it, or at least he liked to think he was. He was less good, and of this he was painfully aware, at hiding his own tells. It required close concentration on both sides to keep everything in control, and every detail - from the glimmer of a button on someone else’s waistcoat down to the feeling of the paraffin wax that was coating his forearms so he wouldn’t get caught out if a Grisha amplifier might be present at the game - demanded attention. It was rare for Jesper’s mind to wander far, then, when it was so in tune and so close and so cautious, every tiny quiver in the air something to consider. But not tonight.

Jesper was losing, but that was nothing new. So what was new? Why was his mind so sullenly refusing to focus on the game, and instead continually drawing him back to the feeling of Wylan’s palm pressed against his? His head on his shoulder? The feeling of his cheek beneath Jesper’s thumb as he wiped a tear away? Jesper felt like he needed to stick his head in a bucket of cold water to wake himself up. He felt like he was dreaming.

He gave a sidelong glance to Rojakke, whose hands were moving so deftly through the pack of cards he shuffled, readying to deal the next hand, that it seemed they moved as a force entirely independent from the rest of his body, wondering if Kaz had told him to control the deck. Kaz had told Jesper that it was to be an honest game, but Kaz was a damn liar and Jesper wanted justification for this loss. Or rather, he wanted justification that wasn’t the wandering of his mind. The sound of Wylan’s voice, the piercing shimmer of his eyes.

He was brought swiftly back to the room by the sound of Nina laughing, and looked up from his distracted stupor to see her pouring champagne into the waiting glass of Ido De Baal.

“Are you trying to get me drunk, lapushka?” he asked, looking up at her from his chair.

Judging from the rugged flush across his cheeks he was already well on his way there. He’d used the Ravkan word for darling, Jesper noted, though as far as he knew the man was Kerch through and through. He was also, Jesper had definitely noted, winning. If Jesper was losing worse than anyone else at the table then De Baal was winning better than them, and he had been for the entire game. Was Rojakke controlling the deck, then? Had Kaz told him to?

“I’m just doing my job,” came Nina’s reply, low and soft but also lilting, a joyous and teasing tone with undertones that she was clearly letting De Baal determine for himself, “Lapushka,”

He laughed and Nina smiled at him, her teeth clinging ever so slightly onto the top of her lower lip. Jesper had expected Layla’s loss to be more noticeable than this, and maybe Nina wasn’t quite as swift - he couldn’t be the way his focus kept slipping - as she would’ve been, but she’d been working these fools all night long and she’d been doing it well, like she was slowly soaking coffee through hard tack and had finally deemed it ready to take a bite.

“Do you speak Ravkan?” she asked, sweetly, with what, on the surface, seemed like genuine interest, “Or do you just know how to flatter a girl in every language?”

De Baal gave a casual shrug, though his smile did not fade.

“It is the most important aspect of travel, is it not? To give every girl the attention she desires in her own tongue?”

Nina gave a very soft mock gasp, a hand pressed over her chest in fake, non-committal melodrama.

“You insult me sir,” she teased, “I didn’t take you for a player,”

He tapped the cards he’d just been dealt, a point enough for the joke all on their own but he said it out loud anyway and Nina laughed harder than was strictly necessary.

“I learned some Ravkan for a business deal,” he drawled, collecting his refreshed champagne, “and I find that some of it still comes in handy at home,”

“Ah,” she nodded, “I should have known you were a businessman. I knew it would be something that desired strength, fortitude of mind,”

Jesper thought that was perhaps the closest she’d come to being obvious, that it was a see-through course of terrible flattery, but De Baal preened. They talked casually, or with the illusion of being casual, for a moment longer about De Baal’s business in Ravka and Jesper had to marvel at how easily she was pulling all this out of him, how simple it was to lower his defences. The corner of Nina’s mouth twitched, before she leant close and murmured something in Ravkan. Jesper wasn’t close enough to hear but that hardly made a difference. Whatever Nina had just said would have been lost on him, and apparently it was lost on De Baal as well. He turned to her somewhere between questioning and expectant, Nina’s tone had hardly suggested an insult after all, and she gave him a coy smile.

“It seems your grasp on my language has disappointing gaps,” her voice was breathy. She glanced at the door for the briefest second before her eyes fell upon him again, and right before she turned to leave she purred: “Maybe if you find me later, I can provide you with a translation,”

He was not subtle as he watched her leave.

Jesper picked up his new hand of cards and moved to survey them. Would Wylan be struggling tonight? It had been a long day anyway, and his part in the job - Dammit, Jesper. He looked at his cards - actually looked at them this time - and made a cautious bid. Not, decent cards or none, that he could do much except be cautious with his meagre pile of remaining chips. He tapped two of them against each other distractedly, watched De Baal across the table for a moment. To his left sat Van Reik, a lawyer or something else just as boring that Jesper had forgotten from the Zelvar District and the biggest threat to this job going wrong. Van Reik came to the Crow Club pretty often for a someone of his standing, considering that he used his own name and didn’t hide his face - his lot usually took themselves to the Lid if they fancied a go at something they could pretend was dangerous, and even if they touched the Barrel itself they definitely didn’t venture this far South - and he always, much to Kaz’s absolute fury, requested this specific game room because the back wall was lined with windows. Most of the clubs had none at all, as did most of the rooms at the Crow Club, because the bosses wanted their patrons to lose track of time, to forget how long they’d been there, to think they could surely afford to place one more hand, after all it wouldn’t take that long would it? The windows in this room drove Kaz mad - though Jesper supposed they had come in useful when they brought Jeluna in; he would have hated to leave her even more in a dark, windowless box. Kaz probably wouldn’t have cared.

The windows were unlikely to pose too much of an issue tonight, starting the game at twelve bells and playing through the dark hours was less noticeable than playing through sunset, but they needed the session to last and if Van Reik cared about the windows he probably had his own methods of timekeeping as well. They needed to keep all of them, but particularly De Baal, here until… well, Jesper wasn’t actually sure exactly what because Kaz, of course, hadn’t deigned to tell him the entire plan. Until the aftermath, he’d said, but gave no specificity to the aftermath of what, or when it would begin. Jesper knew that they were taking out a bridge, because that was what Wylan had been working on, but that was the extent of it.

Did Nina know more? He doubted it. Inej surely did though, and she wasn’t even here. Jesper felt a brief, strange pang of jealousy at that - he didn’t even know if she knew. She probably did though. Inej knew almost everything. He wondered again if her and Kaz’s agreement of secrets went both ways, if she knew the things Kaz had locked up on Jesper’s behalf. His skin prickled beneath the paraffin wax. Kaz wouldn’t have told anyone, not even Inej. Wouldn’t he?

Jesper’s turn rolled around and he laid his cards onto the table. He won a hand, bid, lost, bid, won, bid and lost and lost again. The night ticked by. The signal from Pim came, telling Jesper and Nina there was no longer a need to drag things out but just to let them take their course. Another round passed. Jesper lost again. The game ended. Nina left to give Kaz a report of the information that she’d gleaned from the players, apparently a lot of it, and then - in her own words - go back to the White Rose and sleep more soundly than the dead.

Jesper considered going downstairs and playing another hand. He considered getting some sleep. He considered going to see Wylan, but it was almost dawn and he was probably - definitely - asleep. So a slow meander down the staircase his journey became, as the table behind him was cleared and tidied, unsure of whether he would linger or walk back to the Slat. It would depend, he decided even though he could feel an impatient exhaustion tugging on his bones, on whether anything caught his eye and his attention as he crossed the Crow Club floor. It was a foolish bargain to make with himself, a plainly obvious attempt at justifying the pull to stay because of course he knew that something, somehow was sure to grab his attention.

He just wasn’t expecting the thing that stopped him to be Kaz Brekker.

“Here,”

He held something out at arms’ length between them and it took Jesper a moment to acknowledge, beneath the black fabric they were wrapped in, what looked suspiciously like the shape of his revolvers. A second passed where he just stared at Kaz, before he tentatively reached out to take the package from him.

“Kaz-”

“I’m holding you accountable if he screws up,” said Kaz, brushing one gloved hand down the front of his coat - the one that he’d held the guns out with, the other was gripping the head of his cane, “but it would appear you made good on your end of the bargain,”

Jesper smiled in spite of himself, parting the fabric package and running his fingers eagerly over the guns. They were cool to touch, comfortable in his hands; they slipped so easily and happily into his gun belt as he shoved the stupid, sad little pistol away across the table. He could finally return that useless little lump to Anika.

“Thanks, Kaz,”

“It’s not a favour, Jes,” his voice was cold, “I keep to my word,”

There was perhaps something implicit in the phrase, the way he briefly lingered on I, that Jesper pointedly chose to ignore. Not even Kaz’s ever-present sourness could ruin the rise in his mood that came with the return of his prized revolvers. He walked out of the Crow Club feeling like he was floating, and leapt right up out of his skin when the Wraith appeared at his side.

“Saints - Inej! Every time,”

She smiled as Jesper laughed softly, shaking his head, but he thought her expression looked a little strained. Her eyes were sad; her face was drained. She looked even more tired than Jesper felt.

“Kaz is organising a parley with the Black Tips,” she told him, as they began to walk towards the Slat, “A week’s time. He wants you as a second,”

“Unbelievable,” he sighed, “I just spoke to him, he didn’t say a word of it,”

“Of course he didn’t,”

Jesper barked a short, shallow laugh and Inej gave him another, ever so slightly forced smile.

“How was the job?”

“Nina killed it, if that’s what you mean,” he shrugged, “Other than that I only know what Kaz told me, which was nothing. We kept De Baal at the table long enough, and I guess the bridge came down without a hitch because Kaz gave me my revolvers back,”

“Wylan must have himself worth Kaz’s time,”

And worth Kaz’s cash.

“What does he want with a councilman anyway?”

Inej faltered, looking up at him.

“Councilman?”

“Yeah,” Jesper fidgeted with his revolver, having missed Inej’s confused misstep, “some guy that De Baal works for. You think he’s kinda pushing it a bit? Going after Wylan for his father, and now this guy?”

“Who was it?”

“I don’t-”

“Was it Councilman Hoede?”

“Er- yeah, yeah that sounds right. Why?”

Jesper glanced back at her to discover that Inej’s eyes had darkened and her fingers were dancing over the handles of her knives.

“I need to talk to Kaz,” was all she murmured by way of reply, “I’ll speak to you tomorrow,”

Jesper shrugged. He wasn’t going to get involved.

“You should get some sleep, love,” he said, as she quickened her footsteps and began to overtake him.

“Then when would I get any work done? Oh - you should know,”

Jesper looked up.

“The Black Tips aren’t done with me,” she said - and if there was a slight tension in her shoulders? A nervous catch in her voice? The unsubtle drift of her hand back towards her blades? Jesper didn’t get the chance to question it, “We might need to remain alert. Riesen knows,”

“Knows-?”

Inej’s eyes flashed very briefly as she shook her head.

“He knows, Jes. And he’s not happy,”

Ah. Liesbeth Stoevelaar. Jesper nodded once, opened his mouth to try and reassure her, suggest she got some rest, maybe even offer to hang around if she was nervous - Stoevelaar had broken straight into her bedroom, after all - and then closed it again upon the realisation that Inej had melted in the shadows and he had been left alone.

[jackwolfes]

Wesper // Six of Crows // 688 words // M rated @kinktober2023 Day 16: Public

[all kinktober fills]

The heat from the stage lights makes sweat bead at the line of Wylan’s hair. He kneels on the centre of a low wooden stage, but they set soft fabrics and a few cushions down to manage the worst of the bruising. It isn't so bad for just kneeling, but he knows to expect more. 

He takes a deep breath. Right this second he is perfectly naked, half hard, and being watched. He doesn't know how many people are sitting in this cramped room with him; just that a few of his friends are standing at the wings of the stage before the show really begins. 

It was Kaz who let slip that these sorts of shows were getting popular in the Barrel, but Wylan who volunteered to be the performance. 

His one condition was the blindfold, and he's glad that they picked out a soft one for him. It probably doesn't do a lot to truly hide his identity, and it won't do anything in that regard if they make him speak aloud, but he'd never be able to relax long enough to stay hard if he could see all the people staring at him now. 

Ghezen, all the people. 

Chairs shift. Someone clears their throat. In Wylan's head he imagines a room full of men, but it could be anyone watching. He has no way of knowing, or changing that. 

"Isn't he pretty?" a low voice finally says. 

Wylan's lips part soundlessly. A few voices he doesn't recognise call out agreement, but the speaker is as familiar to Wylan as the darkness behind his eyelids. Lanky fingers push gently through the curls of his hair, scratching over his scalp lovingly and possessively. Jesper. Saints, how Wylan loves him — and how he loves the fact Jesper is willingly doing this for him. With him, too, like it’s just a fun game that they can play together. Wylan supposes that is exactly what it is. 

Ungently, the fingers in Wylan’s hair grip tight and yank, forcing his head back. Jesper laughs when he cries out, and someone in the audience whistles. 

“Touch his cock!” someone yells, voice crass as it calls out that desire, that instruction. Wylan’s cheeks heat. It gets agreement, and when he spreads his knees a little bit wider someone whistles. Jesper chuckles. 

Instead of indulging their audience immediately, Jesper sinks down onto his knees. Wylan feels him near, and when a warm hand touches the centre of his bare chest Wylan relaxes into it. He feels a soft kiss on the shell of his ear, and holds back a shiver.

“How about it?” Jesper whispers, quiet enough that only Wylan hears. “Want me to touch you while they watch?” 

Wylan bites his bottom lip. He’s almost too embarrassed to make words — but, only almost. He gives Jesper a jerky nod, then says, “Yes.” 

Jesper coos, kissing his cheek, likely on a place it’s smeared with a red flush. “You sure? You don’t want some of them to get up on stage and play with you themselves?” 

Oh. 

They’d talked about this potential well before this moment right now but Wylan had basically forgotten in the thrill and the rush of everything since. His mouth goes dry, cock jerking between his legs and almost certainly drawing the attention of someone in the crowd in front of him. He breathes heavily, imagining strangers’ hands on his body, touching him, fucking him, making him come. That’s the game, isn’t it? And he so desperately wants to play. 

“Yes,” he repeats, more firmly. “I want that.”

He feels Jesper’s smile, this time, and the kiss he gets on his cheek is even better for it. “I won’t leave your side,” Jesper whispers, just for him. Wylan could moan in relief. 

Then Jesper stands — hand still in Wylan’s hair — and Wylan lurches with excitement building like a fire in his chest. He can’t stop thinking of all the glorious potentials yet to come and wants it all with more greed than the most lascivious mercher. 

"So," says Jesper, "who wants to come up here and play with our toy?"