#wtf would the ship name be called???

[sillygreenrat]

SHIP FOR CONSIDERATION

i am not kidding i am not being sarcastic

n x sam

i DONT fucking know why it shoved itself into my brain

but like??????????

chill stoner absolutely OBLIVIOUS to the dangerous creature thats around him but doesn't see anything other than a cute dog vs dangerous creature who innitially was just gonna take this dudes oil but thinks hes rather sweet and funny and he likes sweet and funny

n has two hands

he might also have a thing for purple eyed ppl

[no-144444]

the disgraced pop princess

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summary: oscar is your salvation after things go horribly wrong

pairing: oscar piastri (no.81) x singer! reader

warnings: TALK OF SA and cyberbullying

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comments

user13: WHAT THE FUCK

user15: This is all her fault. She's a bad person

-> user16: Where did you get that from? An anonymous twitter account?

user14: I AM A CHILD OF DIVORCE

Alexy/l/n: ❤️❤️❤️

CharlesOBrien: the end.

DarrelBowser: fin.

user82: WTF.

user45: how could she ruin this? doesn't she care about the fans?

-> user38: you have no idea what happened? stfu

oscarpiastri: GUYS I'M FREAKING OUT RN WTF.

-> user55: WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

-> logansargeant: he's been a WINGS fan since he was a teenager. He's been in love with Y/n Y/l/n name since he was like 15.

-> landonorris: Can confirm he's having a breakdown rn.

-> alexalbon: It's all too much for little oscar piastri

->zbrown: Zandvoort is fucked isn't it? @/landonorris @/oscarpiastri

-> landonorris: Sadly, yes.

-> oscarpiastri: VERY MUCH SO, YES.

user90: oscar piastri being a WINGS fan was not on my 2024 bingo card tbh.

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BREAKING NEWS! POPULAR MUSIC GROUP ‘WINGS’ HAVE ANNOUNCED THE END OF THEIR WORLD TOUR, AND THEIR BAND! 

Speculation has been flying for weeks due to various sources giving people an inside look into popular music group ‘Wings’. Many fans have been left wondering in recent weeks as the band has been seen arguing on stage, not speaking to each other off-stage, and even some of them have been refusing to go on and perform. Many people have been trying to point fingers to who’s at fault for the end of this historic music group, and  various pieces of evidence against the front woman Y/n Y/l/n, the singer, songwriter, and lead bass guitarist of the group. Many pieces against her have been posted to the popular anonymous twitter account  ‘@/anonymousmail’, detailing how she has been treating the rest of the band badly, by not letting them write their own music, becoming too controlling over the band, and even going as far as to threaten other members of the band. 

Late last night after their last of 5 shows in Las Vegas at the historical Westgate Las Vegas Resort & Casino, where rock and roll legend, Elvis Presley played for years, the front woman Y/n Y/l/n posted a photo of her hugging her brother (and fellow band member), Alex Y/l/n with the caption ‘the end of it all. 12 year old me is crying. so is 22 year old me. bye for now and ever.’. On stage, they announced they were parting ways and were all in tears as they left. 

This looks like the end for the group, and this publication is sad to see them go. We wish them all good luck, and we will keep our readers posted on any drama from the unravelling group. 

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BREAKING NEWS! ‘WINGS’ LEAD GUITARIST SPEAKS OUT AGAINST Y/N Y/L/N!

In a new-deleted instagram story, the lead guitarist of the band called out Y/n Y/l/n with this statement 

‘Good f*****g riddance to that b***h . F******g fame-hungry c**t who could never sing for s**t. Good f**k tho’

This left fans shocked, as Y/l/n has said in the past that they were ‘all friends and would always respect each other, even if the band broke up’ (2021 interview with Vogue). Many people have shipped the two online due to their flirty stage-presence and good banter in interviews, but they always vehemently denied the claims that they were together. In other shocking news, it seems the rest of the band Charles O’Brien (lead guitarist), Alex Y/l/n (new lead singer, ‘Wings’ second guitarist), Darrel Brown (drummer), and Axel Smith (new bass guitarist) will be continuing on with ‘Wings’ as this was posted to the band social media account just days after their announced split. 

Y/n Y/l/n has refused to comment and all her social media accounts have gone dark. We’ll keep you updated!

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comments

user12: ZAK BROWN IS WILDIN

user59: HE GETS US, BRING BACK THE REAL WINGS

landonorris: bro plz don't jump wtf

alexalbon: we're here for you buddy :)

logansargeant: he's crying in my driver's room rn. he's unconsolable.

-> user90: bro is DOWN BAD.

mclaren: Please don't crash the car Oscar. We'll bribe you.

-> user47: this is insane.

User58: hey so you're crazy.

georgerussel: We're here for you mate :(

lewishamilton: Missing WINGS rn.

user83: i feel bad that oscar just found out his celebrity crush is a bad person :(

-> user33: phone down. NOW. it's an anonymous twitter account with no credibility.

user55: what Charles said about her was mental.

-> oscarpiastri: AGREED. I ALWAYS HATED HIM.

-> landonorris: PUBLIC ACCOUNT.

-> WINGSfanno1: ur right, my b. AGREED. I ALWAYS HATED HIM.

-> user88: no way oscar piastri has a WINGS fan account 🤣🤣🤣

hater66: I hate Y/n, oscar should too.

hater36: she's a slut and an awful person.

hater22: Y/N Y/L/N HATE CLUB!

->hater82: me too!

->hater100: me too!

->hater3792: me too!

->hater38: me too!

->hater202: me too!

->hater26: me too!

->hater77: me too!

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BREAKING NEWS! Y/N Y/L/N IS SET TO BE ATTENDING THE DUTCH GRAN PRIX THIS WEEKEND!

According to anonymous sources, Y/n Y/l/n will be attending the Dutch Gran Prix this weekend. This comes as a shock since she's deactivated her instagram, most likely due to the break-up of her band. The rest of WINGS will also be in attendance, all as guest of McLaren, whereas Y/n is a guest of Sir. Lewis Hamilton, in the Mercedes garage. They have been seen in public recently and have been sparking dating rumours, despite their age difference. Many fans are now speculating that another reason the band broke up is the supposed cheating rumours. Y/l/n was apparently dating lead guitarist Charles O'Brien, but cheated on him with 7 time World Champion, Lewis Hamilton. Their paparazzi photos certainly seem to paint a picture...

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You woke up puffy-eyed and angry. 3 days ago, you were on tour living your life to the fullest, singing and touring with your best friends, and your chosen family. At least, that's what you thought they were. It turns out they'd all been trying to get you out of the band that you started, for a couple of months now. They'd been lying to the press about you, making every little thing you did seem worse than it was, and your 'best friend' Charles O'Brien decided it was time to get you drunk enough to sleep with him.

You felt used. Every time you four went in for a record session, a new contract, a new show, you were told that you were the only reason the band was famous. You were the real talent.You were the moneymaker. You always brushed it off, telling them that you were so good, because the band was so good. You didn't give a fuck about people telling you to get out before they swindled you and felt you in the dirt. Now you wished you had listened. Now you wished you hadn't seen so blind to their blatant disregard for you. Now you wished you'd broken off from them years ago, even your brother.

Charles had been the backbone of getting you out, that you knew. He'd always hated how you got credit for making the band popular, when it really was you who made the band popular. It had been your idea to start a youtube channel at 12 years old, it had been your idea to enter your schools battle of the bands at 13 years old, and it was you who took the risk and trusted a manager for the first time, even going as far as being the only one to sign the contract, so they could always get out of it. You'd always been so considerate, so protective, so blind.

Today was the Dutch Gran Prix, and Lewis had decided it would be best for you to get out of the hotel room you'd been rotting in and come visit him for the race. You'd been to Gran Prix's before, but mostly when you were younger and not in the middle of a world tour, like you had been for the past year and a half. You left your room looking better than you had in days, you'd done your makeup, worn your favourite outfit, and you'd finally stopped crying. Small victories, right? You hadn't checked social media in days, you knew what you'd find, and you didn't want to know what everyone thought of you. You just wanted it all to stop.

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liked by nicolepiastri, charlesobrien and 772,922 more.

comments

alexalbon: Ok this is becoming pathetic now

-> logansargeant: YOU ONLY THINK IT'S PATHETIC NOW?

georgerussel: Poor kid :(

maxverstappen: 🤣🤣🤣🤣

danielriccardo: I'll swing by with some food. We can cry together brother

-> oscarpiastri: the only real one on the grid 💔💔💔 love you daniel

-> logansargeant: mate I held you when you cried last night.

-> oscarpiastri: and you're still complaining about it. Daniel doesn't complain.

nicolepiastri: Kids these days...

hattiepiastri: please take his phone away from him @/logansargeant, I can't handle anymore embarrassment.

-> logansargeant: I'm trying, I promise.

user67: can we talk about zak brown, wtf?

-> zbrown: he's too sexy to die (and crash my car)??? what don't u get????

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As you walked into the paddock beside Lewis, you felt the cameras on you. He was trying to shield you, but it wasn't exactly working.

"Y/n, how do you feel about what Charles said about you?!" "Y/n, are you and Lewis together? Did you cheat on Charles?"

What? How could you cheat on Charles when you weren't even dating him? That made no fucking sense. He'd assaulted you. You were going through the motions of suing him. How could anyone think you'd willingly have sex with the boy you'd seen as a brother for the past 22 years of your life?

"Follow me," Lewis whispered, leading you further away from the McLaren garage. "Don't worry about them, they're not going to talk to you."

You nodded, trying to put on a brave face as he led you to the Mercedes garage. You were used to the paddock, Lewis had known you since you were a young teenager embarking on your first tour with a new record deal, he'd shown you around as you stood nervous, just trying to do everything right, make yourself and the band look good. He gave you an important piece of advice that day.

"You don't need to worry about the cameras or the press, be yourself and the rest will come naturally."

A piece of advice you'd followed through your teenage years, and now into your 20's. You were scared again, but this time, you were alone. No band behind you, your brother wasn't there to protect you, and everyone hated you, for no good reason.

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As you sat down in the paddock, Toto gave you a look of pity.

"How's my favourite popstar?" He smirked, trying to cheer you up.

"Disgraced," you groaned, and leaned your head against his shoulder. Mercedes had been like a second family to you, you'd met everyone back when you were 14, just about to start a tour after a song you posted online went viral. Your first stop was Silverstone, playing for so many people made you want to run and hide instead of play, but Lewis and Toto had helped you out, calmed you down, and you'd smashed it. It skyrocketed your fame, and got you an extended record deal.

He sighed. "Not for long. Don't let the boys win, it's always a boy's world."

You chuckled. "Thanks Toto."

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Oscar jogged out of the McLaren garage as WINGS walked in. Logan had promised to let him stay at Williams if the band were too much for him, and he'd just had to listen to Charles O'Brien talk to his race engineer about how it was to fuck you. He felt sick to his stomach, and he didn't have anything else to do ahead of today, so off he went.

"Oscar!" Lewis's voice rung out and Oscar stopped in his tracks, turning to see where it was coming from. "Come here!"

Oscar walked over, confused by the sentiment. Lewis and Oscar didn't often speak before races. He walked over all the same, and there you were. Standing beside him looking gorgeous and flawless, and he knew he was fucked.

"Hi, I'm Y/n," you held out your hand to be shaken, and he did so with vigour, almost squeezing too hard.

"I'm Oscar," he smiled, then dropped your hand.

"See, I am a miracle worker," Logan's voice appeared out of nowhere, and Oscar whipped his head around to see him smirking. "I'm Logan," he introduced himself to you with a handshake which you reciprocated. "Oscar is basically in love with you and your music-"

"Mate!" Oscar tried to cover his mouth, but Logan was already in a laughing fit, as Lewis laughed with him. "I am so sorry about him, he's-"

"It's alright," you smiled. "It's honestly just nice to know that not every WINGS fan hates me now."

He frowned. "I'm really sorry about the break, it must've been awful."

You shrugged. "It was what was best for the band."

"I seriously doubt that. You were like, more than half the reason anyone ever listened," he chuckled. "You're amazing."

You felt yourself heat up. "Thank you. I think you're a pretty amazing driver."

"You watch F1?" He asked.

"Oh yeah, Lewis would kill me if I didn't," you chuckled. "It's also just really interesting, and congratulations on being like, the best rookie of all time."

He blushed and smiled. "Thank you."

You heard a camera snap and the small moment you two were having was ruined. Lewis and Logan had left you two to chat, and obviously now it looked... strange to say the least.

"God, I'd better go, sorry. You probably don't want to be seen with me-"

"I'd rather formulate my own opinion on you, rather than listen to what everyone else is saying. Do you want to go for a walk?"

You smiled, a real, genuine smile. "Yeah, that'd be lovely."

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"So... how are you?" he asked as you walked through the crowds of people.

"I'm alright," you answered hesitantly. "Charles isn't making anything easy."

Oscar sighed. "He's definitely not an easy person to be around."

"You met him?"

"For about 5 minutes before I had to leave so I wouldn't punch him," he chuckled.

You laughed. "He's good at first impressions."

"Evidently," Oscar smirked.

"Yeah it just sucks that he aired all that shit out y'know? It's just... so unfair, especially when the court case is still being pieced together by our lawyers-"

"Wait, what? What do you mean 'court case'?"

"I'm suing him, he assaulted me," you shrugged.

"Holy shit, I'm so sorry," he stopped and took your hand. "I'm so sorry that happened to you."

You stopped for a moment. In the last 72 hours, no one had apologised, no one had checked in, and no one had been so heartbroken for you. Did he have to be perfect?

"T-thank you," you sniffled. "I'd better go, it was nice to meet you, b-bye Oscar."

Oscar was left standing outside Ferrari as you walked off to the Mercedes garage. He felt awful, no one should have that happen to them, and you were so sweet and kind, he almost couldn't believe someone would take advantage of that. He knew one thing though, he needed to see you again.

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comments

hater56: why is lewis still hanging out with her....

hater52: LEWIS RUN

hater79: lewis get away from the slut plz

oscarpiastri: ❤️❤️❤️❤️

-> lewishamilton: out of my comment section now.

-> y/nyl/n: stfu lewis

hater67: how is she still famous?

alexalbon: PLZ LET HER SWING BY WILLIAMS

-> logansargeant: I SECOND THIS ^^^^^

-> y/ny/l/n: omw rn

-> oscarpiastri: same. (just a conincidence)

-> logansargeant: 🧐🧐🧐

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comments

hater77: she's so annoying, why does he like her?

-> oscarpiastri: girl. have you seen or meet her? THAT'S WHY

user66: This is insane.

alexalbon: nurse he's out again! -> logansargeant: he's scoping out Williams to find her. come back soon plzzzz

lewishamilton: it was embarrassing...

georgerussell: good luck with keeping away from you @/y/ny/l/n !

-> y/ny/l/n: 👍👍👍👍

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Oscar walked into Williams with one objective, to see you. He needed to talk to you again. As he was searching, he finally bumped into you.

"You found me," you smiled.

"I did," he smiled. "And I was wondering if you'd want to talk more."

"Well, right now I have to get to Mercedes," you explained and he deflated slightly. "But I can give you my number and we can get dinner sometime?"

He was elated.

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Months of texting and dating, healing with Oscar, getting into the studio, and finally, your next single was ready. It was called 'Labyrinth', and it was about how Oscar had turned everything around for you. He was perfect. Kind, a gentleman, funny, sweet, everything. You loved him. He loved you.

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navigation for my blog :) (masterlist)

[ellecdc]

okay so I just wanted to start by saying I love you're moonwater stories so much.

Ive been thinking about this like paring ig for a bit and your recent moonwater story when r gets home from girls night just made me think of it more so if you're interested id love for you to do it.

Basically its like poly moonwater plus Barty ive been calling it moonwaterkiller in my head (idk if its already a ship or already has a name but I haven't been able to find anything) but basically I feel like r and Barty would be like a chaotic duo and reg and rem would just be like wtf a lot idk... I just think it has some potential and I just love your writing so fucking much.

(I also just love how you write Barty)

so if you're interested I think it would be cool

much love :)

I love the way your mind works babes. thanks for your request! (it's almost two am where I am so please forgive any awkward sentences or spelling mistakes). also, if I didn't completely lose everyone with my DeathStar fics - this may very well do it. && this was written with the help of our fabulous @unstablereader

poly!moonwater x chaotic fem!reader + Barty Crouch Junior

Regulus didn’t know whether to be concerned or slightly aroused at the slightly deranged way that Remus was stalking the halls in search of you and Barty. 

You and Regulus had both at one point or another been in a friends-with-benefits situation with Barty (albeit separately) during your time in school, before you and Regulus went and fell in love with a Gryffindor. 

Regulus still wasn’t quite over the humiliation; both of falling in love and falling in love with a Gryffindor.

Of course, you and Regulus both stayed friends with Barty; Regulus mostly because he couldn’t shake him (ignoring the fact that Regulus really was quite fond of his maniacal friend), and you because the two of you really were sort of two sides of the same hyperactive galleon. 

And though Remus (and sometimes Regulus) liked to pretend that yours and Barty’s friendship caused them grief, they couldn’t deny how much they valued Barty’s loyalty and devotion to his friends; specifically you. 

Regulus’ new favourite thing was easily Remus’ new found appreciation for Barty. 

Up until this point, Barty had been his notoriously flirty and salacious self when it came to the likes of Remus, who wasn’t yet accustomed to Barty’s unique…personality.

However, once Remus realised the history between his two partners and the other Slytherin boy, he quickly came to appreciate the kind of pull Barty could have on people.

So, Remus had started flirting back.

Barty hated it.

Regulus loved it.

You started keeping track of the number of times Remus reduced Barty to a blushing and stuttering mess in your notebook. 

Barty hated that too.

It was nearing curfew and Remus and Regulus hadn’t seen you all afternoon. 

Usually that was fine, considering you were a bit of a free spirit. What was concerning, however, was that they hadn’t seen Barty either.

Regulus watched as Remus checked the stupid map that his brother and their friends had created when his brows furrowed in confusion.

“What? Don’t tell me they’re in the middle of the Black Lake again?” Regulus asked quickly, moving to stand over Remus’ shoulder to peer at the map.

“Again?”

“Don’t ask.” Regulus muttered.

“But…doesn’t Barty not know how to swim?”

“I said don’t ask.”

Seeming to know better, Remus turned back and pointed towards the Ravenclaw common room on the map. “It says they’re up in Ravenclaw tower?”

“For fuck’s sake.” Regulus muttered, dragging a hand over his face.

“How’d two Slytherin’s manage to get into Ravenclaw tower?” Remus asked bemusedly, earning him an unimpressed glare from Regulus. 

“Remus, I love you, but that was perhaps the dumbest question you’ve ever asked me.”

Remus rolled his eyes as he closed the map and tucked it back into his trunk.

“Come on, we might be able to catch up to Pandora on her way up and have her help us in.” 

They had indeed caught up to Pandora, and Pandora had indeed helped them in, though it seemed to be for naught. 

“I thought your stupid map said they were here.” Regulus muttered as he surveyed the common room, unable to spot a single lick of green and silver.

“It’s not stupid and they are in here.” Remus muttered back, moving to stand in the dead centre of the room. 

“How do you know they’re here if you can’t see them?”

Remus glared at Regulus before looking around to ensure no one could hear them. “I can smell them.” He whispered.

Well Regulus just didn’t know what good these wolfy senses were if they were still out two Slytherin’s. 

“Shit.” Regulus heard whispered suddenly as a quill fell from the air and landed beside his foot.

Remus and Regulus both looked up to see you and Barty casually lounging in the chandelier above them.

“Are you sodding kidding me!?” Regulus shouted.

“I think our cover’s been blown.” You said simply to Barty as if you didn’t have two fuming and fretting boyfriends standing nearly forty feet give or take below you.

“Pity.” Barty responded as he peered down. “This was a nice refuge.”

“How’d you even get up there?” Remus cried, pacing like he was getting ready to catch you should you fall.

“Magic.” Barty taunted from above.

“Junior, so help me gods if that witch falls I-”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, Lupin. I resent the insinuation that I would ever let anything happen to our sweet angel baby.” Barty bit back immediately.

“Okay, okay. Fair enough.” Remus acquiesced as if he were negotiating a hostage situation. “Why don’t you both just come down here, nice and slow, okay?”

Both you and Barty leaned forward to look down at the two boys, causing the chandelier to swing precariously.

“Fucking hells! Stop moving!” Remus shrieked, causing the attention of the few Ravenclaws sitting in the common room to look over.

“Such a worrier.” Barty muttered as he stood and started manoeuvring himself to the edge of the chandelier - you following him over and causing the chandelier to tip to a nearly 90 degree angle. 

“I’m going to be sick, I’m actually going to throw up right here.” Regulus muttered mostly to himself whilst Remus tried to stand directly underneath you lest you need to be caught. 

To Remus and Regulus’ absolute horror, Barty launched himself away from the chandelier, grabbing at the billowy banners hanging from the ceiling causing the chandelier to swing away from him like a pendulum. 

“JUNIOR!” Remus shouted, causing Barty to momentarily look shamefaced as he looked below him. 

As the chandelier swung towards the opposite wall, you too launched yourself at one of the billowy banners hanging from the ceiling and began monkey climbing down them.

“Can you make sure she doesn’t fall, please.” Remus barked at Regulus as he made his way towards Barty.

Barty let out a high pitched screech and began hastily making his way down the wall. “Run Treasure! Save yourself!” He shouted dramatically.

You turned quickly at that and saw Regulus making his way to you.

You let out a surprised squeak and hurried down, and before Regulus realised what you were doing, you had used your wand to open one of the windows and were shimmying out.

“Oi! What the-” but before Regulus could even shove his torso out the window, you’d managed to shift into your animagus form - a mink, which Regulus felt was very fitting considering what a sodding cheeky minx you were being right now - and began scaling your way down the side of the building.

Regulus was interrupted by the sound of a squeal - Remus’ squeal - and turned to see Remus hanging halfway out of the window in much the same fashion that Regulus had been.

Unlike Regulus, however, Remus had been successful in his capture of Barty and had him hanging from the tallest tower at Hogwarts by one of his arms.

“Junior! Are you trying to sodding kill me!?” Remus barked angrily at him, trying to pull Barty up without any help from Barty himself.

Barty looked up at Remus with all the innocence he could muster (read: none) and winked. 

“Catch me if you can, Mr. Wolf.”

And Barty shrunk into his own animagus form - an osprey - and let out a cry before swooping down to pick up something that looked suspiciously like a mink from the eaves of one of the lower towers and took off towards the grounds. 

“Fucking son of a bitch.” Remus cursed as he tried catching his breath, still sitting half out of the Ravenclaw window. “Why do we put up with those two?”

Regulus shrugged with all the nonchalance he could muster. “‘Cause they’re cute?”

Remus sighed and hit his head against the windowsill. “They’re so sodding lucky that they are…”

“Come on.” Regulus said, offering Remus a hand and helping him out of the window. “Unfortunately, I know exactly where they went.”

Barty loved nothing more than the feeling of his feet sinking into the sediment of the Black Lake below his feet. He also loved the feeling of being near you, his Treasure. He also loved the idea of two handsome men frantically searching for you, and him by proxy.

All this to say, Barty was having a really nice night.

“Junior!”

Barty’s face morphed into a Cheshire cat grin as he turned towards the voice of the man and his boyfriend as they stormed towards the waters edge.

“Well hello, Lupin. How nice of you to join us; care for a dip?”

“Get out of the water.” Regulus drawled in a bored tone.

“Why would I do such a thing? The water’s lovely, I’m in wonderful company, and we’re going to feed the Giant Squid.” He argued.

“Barty.” Remus barked with all the severity he could manage. “You don’t know how to swim.”

Barty scoffed indignantly. “Yeah, well…neither can Reggie!”

“That’s why I’m standing on the shore you absolute bell-end.” Regulus countered quickly.

Remus turned his furious gaze into a bemused one as he took in Regulus. “Do you really not know how to swim either?”

“None of us can!” You shouted from your disturbingly deeper place within the lake as the gentle waves nearly lapped against your skirt.

“Oh, for the love of- you know what? This summer, everyone’s getting swimming lessons.” Remus proclaimed.

“Ou, does that mean I get to see you in your swim trunks, Lupin?” Barty called.

Remus, without missing a beat, started towards Barty, walking into the lake in his shoes and all. “You could see me right now, in less, for free, Junior. You only had to ask.”

Barty let out a screech and tried running towards you, albeit in slow motion on account of the water’s resistance. “Y/N! Treasure! Help! Make him stop!”

“No can do, bubs.” You called back in monotone, still throwing chunks of bread towards the middle of the Lake in hopes of eliciting the company of one Giant Squid. 

“Dove, you’re going to catch a cold; get out of the water.” Remus called to you, pants soaked up to his knees after giving up on chasing Barty in the water.

“We’re trying to make friends!” You whined.

“You cannot make friends with a squid, amour. He will eat you.” Regulus explained from the shore. 

“He wouldn’t eat his friend.” You scoffed. 

“Dove.” Remus barked again.

“I want to see the the big water kitty!” You whined again, turning towards the boys and offering the most pathetic pout you could muster.

Regulus scoffed from his place, still dry on the shore, Remus let out a pained sigh, and Barty all but skipped towards you. 

“A valiant death it will be!” He cheered before he felt the fabric of his jumper being summoned by an accio, dragging him unceremoniously through the water towards Remus.

“No! Ah! AH! STRANGER DANGER. STRANGER DANGER!” He shrieked as Remus threw him over his shoulder.

“Okay, well, now you’re just showing off, Lupin.” He muttered, crossing his arm petulantly as Remus held his free hand out to you.

“Dove, please? Come inside with me?”

You looked distressed at this and moved obediently towards Remus. “Are you mad at me?” You asked timidly.

Barty could actually feel Remus’ body soften beneath him as he allowed some of his tension to dissipate. “Of course not, dovey. I love you.”

You leaned over and pecked a kiss to the corner of his mouth before turning into your animagus mink and swimming to the shore, crawling up Regulus’ pant leg (who admonished you in faux contempt for ruining his trousers), and allowed him to carry you back to the castle. 

Barty was feeling petulant about the whole matter of being chased and chastised so decided then that he was going to force Remus to carry him all the way back to the castle in silence.

Unfortunately for Barty, he hated silence.

He was at least proud he’d made it to the dungeons before giving up on his vow of silence.

“You’re really not upset with her?” Barty asked quietly from his current prison. He could feel Remus’ head tilt in confusion, though his steps never faltered.

“Of course not?” He responded as a question.

“Hmmm.” Barty said, racking his brain for something to upset or fluster this man.

“Oh! What about me having slept with both your boyfriend and your girlfriend?”

“What about it?” Remus asked plainly. 

“Well…aren’t you upset about that?”

Remus scoffed and adjusted his grip on Barty, hand’s migrating none too innocently up the back of his thighs. “Junior. The only thing I’m upset about is that you haven’t slept with all three of us. I don’t like feeling left out, you know?”

Barty made a strangled sound as he struggled in Remus’ grip to no avail, causing you and Regulus to chuckle from a few strides ahead as you all stepped into the Slytherin common room.

“We told you he was smooth, Barty.” You chuckled.

“You should hear him in bed.” Regulus taunted, reaching over to pinch Barty’s arse, causing him to yelp and start cursing at him.

Remus relented and put Barty down, who immediately made for Regulus’ throat.

“Easy, Junior.” Remus chuckled, pulling him back by the shoulder. “You wanna keep Reg around, don’t you?”

Barty harrumphed and crossed his arms indignantly.

“We’d like to keep you around.” Remus continued.

Barty grumbled again and let out a quiet. “Fine.”

Remus beamed at him, which was very alarming if you asked Barty, as they stepped into his and Regulus’ shared dorm; Rosier and Avery were already asleep in their beds with their curtains drawn.

“Yeah? You’ll let us keep you?” Remus asked.

“I said fine, Lupin.” He bit back.

“Great. So we’re in a relationship then.” He explained simply, causing Barty to level him with a severe glare. “How dare you, Lupin. Never say such vile things to me again.” He spat before storming towards the boy’s bathroom.

Regulus groaned and grabbed his own toiletries before making his way to the washroom behind him. “I’ll go make sure he doesn’t try to drown himself in the shower again.”

Remus shook his head and changed into his pyjamas before climbing into Regulus’ bed and pulling you towards him.

“So, explain this to me, Dove. Why is Barty the way he is?”

You snorted a laugh and turned to face him. “You’re going to have to be way more specific, love.”

Remus chuckled and ran his hands up and down your back. “He likes Reg. He loves you. He seems sweet on me. We invite him to be ours and he accepts - but runs when we make it mean something?”

You smiled up at your boyfriend and booped his nose with a perfectly manicured finger - which Remus found very confusing considering you spend your spare time scaling the rafters of grand ceilings and enticing Giant Squids from their hiding places. “Barty doesn’t understand, Rem. He wouldn’t know love if it punched him right in the face.”

Remus could feel his brows furrow and he pulled you in tighter to his chest. “Dove…love doesn’t punch you in the face?”

Apparently that had been the wrong thing to say as you rolled your eyes in exasperation and threw your head back onto the pillow. “You see? That’s the kind of thing someone who grew up loved would know.”

It’s not that Remus ever really forgot to worry about you per se, but he sometimes really worried about you Purebloods. 

At some point in the night, you had apparently decided Remus and Regulus’ bed was too hot and moved to Barty’s. Remus would have been slightly more petulant about the matter if he hadn’t thought you looked absolutely precious with Barty resting his head on your chest.

He looked so innocent in his sleep.

Sleep clearly didn’t know him very well.

Remus was shocked when the four of you entered the Great Hall for breakfast and Barty actually followed you three to the Gryffindor table. Though Remus was trying to play it cool, he couldn’t help but feel a flutter of hope surge within him at what that might mean for the three four of you.

Remus was just about to bite into his toast when a sultry voice sounded from behind Barty.

“Hello, Bartemus.” Amelia Bones sing-songed as she trailed a finger up Barty’s arm.

His brows furrowed almost comically from above the rim of his coffee cup before he slowly lowered it and turned to consider the Hufflepuff.

“Bones. Can I help you?” He asked, punctuating the word help as he plucked her fingers from his being between his two fingers as if he’d found something really quite disgusting on his person.

“I was thinking, you could help me, perhaps tonight?”

Barty turned to look at her incredulously.

“Help with what, Amelia? I’m really quite busy.” He spat, gesturing wildly to his cup of coffee. 

“An orgasm or two? Gods, you’re pissy in the mornings.”

Barty scoffed, sounding completely scandalised as he clutched at non-existent pearls adorning his neck. “I am sitting here with my beloveds, Amelia. For shame. You see this lot? I’m theirs, capiche?” 

Amelia looked bemusedly at the group of you before shaking her head in confusion. “Whatever you say, Junior.”

She moseyed on away, and Barty turned back towards his cup of coffee. “The gall of some people, honestly.” He said in exasperation, downing the rest of his still hot coffee and standing unceremoniously.

“Well, I best be off. Things to fuck up, people to scare. Tah-tah.” He called, pressing a quick kiss to your hair as he left the Great Hall.

Suddenly, realisation dawned on Remus.

“Ah, I see. So no to a relationship, but he is ours.”

You and Regulus chorused a hum of acknowledgement. 

“That’s just how Barty operates. You’ll get used to it.” You explained, still not looking up from the Daily Prophet you had been reading all this time.

Remus didn’t mind getting used to that; not if it meant he managed to get everything he wanted.

[bread-is-my-life]

THE DRAWING IS SO CUTE OMGGG

Also YAY I'M GLAD YOU LIKE THE COMMUNITY!!! My main goal is to encourage every person to not be afraid to create because it's shocking for me how many cool artists just don't post their stuff or not even try to draw things they love because they think it's cringe 😔 GUYS!!! PLEASE!!! DO NOT BE AFRAID TO BE YOURSELF!!! CREATE AND BE HAPPY!!! I LOVE ALL OF YOU!!! RAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!

I need you to know that your art tastes like strawberry cake and that I love everything you do ദ്ദി(｡•̀ ,<)~✩‧₊

TAHNSKYOU SO MUCH, the kindness of the stainmight community is rlly what made me so happy to do art for them inthe first place 🥹🥹 !!!!!!! AND MY ART TASTING LIKE STRAWBERRY CAKE IS SO SWEET PLZZ

& as a special treat for being my first ask heres a random doodle im gonna use as their spotify album cover <33

[help-i-need-a-cool-username]

Sabito Lives AU and is a slayer but the hashira still have no idea of his existence. Giyuu still created the 11th form and thats why he got the Water Hashira position and not Sabito. Giyuu still doesnt talk about himself, so nobody knows about Sabito. Sabito is pretty high ranking so he's always out on missions so him and Giyuu are actually not even in the same place most of the time. The hashira have either never met Sabito in their entire careers or have only met him personally once or twice so its not like Sabito would mention that him and Giyuu are besties

How do the hashira find out about him?

Did Sabito happen to run into Shinobu and was like "so you're the bitch that keeps telling people Giyuu had no friends"? Did Sabito injure himself and end up at the Butterfly Estate where Giyuu visited him? Was Giyuu injured at the Butterfly Estate and Sabito burst into the room looking for him ("Giyuu!" "Dont. Dont you dare-" Sabito throws himself full force at Giyuu and they fall "ow" "wtf just happened?")? Did someone stop by the Water Estate and Sabito was the one who answered the door? Does Sabito just show up as Giyuu's representative at a hashira meeting he wasnt going to make it to? Were the hashira loitering around before/after a meeting and Sabito was hanging out with (or hanging on to) Giyuu? Was there a hashira team up and they were losing when Sabito swooped in as backup? Does Sabito just simply first name Giyuu and that sends the hashira rumor mill into action? Does Sabito show up out of nowhere mid convo and throw Giyuu over his shoulder and run off?

Are they platonic? Romantic? A not-together-but-people-think-they-are-for-jealousy-trope? Pre-poly ship? Because imaging him calling Giyuu "babe" super casual would send the hashira into a tizzy and i need to see it

[susiephone]

wtf is dracula daily?

i’ve seen a couple people ask this question on my posts about it, so i thought i’d go ahead and clear it up here!

ok so, the classic horror novel “dracula” is an epistolary novel - that means it’s told via letters, diary entries, ship logs, and news articles. (technically the term “epistolary novel” refers to works told solely through letters or emails, but many have expanded it to mean any work that is told via in-universe documents, hence why diaries and logs often get included as well. “frankenstein” is another classic example; the whole framing device is robert walton is recounting the story he heard from victor to his sister via letter. a modern example would be “several people are typing,” which is told via slack messages, or “the perks of being a wallflower,” which is told via letters from charlie to his anonymous pen pal, which is functionally more like you’re reading his diary.)

because of the nature of the narrative, we actually know the exact day nearly everything in dracula happens - the letters, news articles, diary entries, etc. are all dated.

“dracula daily” is a substack project where the novel is broken up into parts, with people who are subscribed to the project getting emails every day something in dracula happens - for example, the novel opens with jonathan harker’s journal entry on may 3, so on may 3, subscribers are emailed that entry. the action of dracula takes place from may 3 - november 6, plus an epilogue set some years later. the project started in 2021 (i think), but fucking BLEW UP in 2022, and they’re doing it again this year! lots of us are very excited - especially people like me who fell behind last time.

why not just read the book?

valid! due to some parts of dracula being told out of chronological order, dracula daily does reorder some things. for example, the first section of dracula is told entirely from jonathan harker’s pov, then the second section switches the pov to mina murray. their sections have some overlap in the timeline, so dracula daily jumps back and forth between their perspectives.

if you want to read the book as bram stoker intended, dracula daily may not be for you. but for a lot of people (myself included!), it breaks up a very long text into easily digestible chunks (....mostly. there is one entry that is 10k words), and the fact that it’s a big project means there are a lot of people reading along with you.

i think there’s also something valuable about experience the slow revelation of wtf is going on along with the characters. the book which you might otherwise get through in a few days is stretched out into months of suspense and agony as you wait for the other shoe to drop, and it’s great.

plus, the whiplash between “jonathan harker’s neverending horror” vs “lucy is basically on the bachelorette” that you get in dracula daily is very very funny.

how do i sign up?

right here! and if you sign up and fall behind in the emails, no worries - the dracula daily website posts past entries so you can catch up.

what if i prefer audiobooks?

have i got great news for you!

like i mentioned before, i couldn’t keep up with the emails last year. part of it is that it is much easier for me to focus on an audiobook or keep up with a podcast than it is for me to sit down and read, especially with longer entries.

this year, there is going to be a podcast titled “re: dracula” that was inspired by dracula daily. every episode will be a dracula daily entry, with a full voice cast! (seriously, if you listen to british podcasts, you will recognize some of these names. the magnus archives and wooden overcoats girlies are WINNING.) you can find that here.

there is also a podcast called “cryptic canticles” that has an already-completed audiodrama of dracula that i’m told is also extremely good, and was also broken up by date. you can find that here.

why do i keep hearing about paprika/the boyfriend squad/lizard fashion/cowboys?

you’ll see.

oh god am i gonna hear about this nerd shit for the rest of the year

yes. sorry.

[gelakaien]

I disagree when people say there is no romantic subtext in itafushi because, I do think there is. I also disagree when people say there is too little [of romance] to base itafushi on it because that's really not true.

It starts with Megumi saying his type is someone with an unwavering humanity. Which is the very literal meaning of Yuuji's name. It slowly develops from there.

I also don't like how people say itafushi is one sided. IT'S NOT. He cares too much. Fushiguro is always the first one he notices in any room he's in. Even in the time he was hiding his death, he would mention Fushiguro now and then. Fushiguro just doesn't leave his mind, never did. He thinks he's very reliable, he SPECIFICALLY told Sukuna to not say anything to HIM about the fingers-resonance thing in the aftermath of the bridge fight. And the scene at the lake, where Megumi told Yuuji he'd kill him if he died, he defintely took it in a serious way, not just because he said "I better not die then" right after, but like, he even referenced that to Megumi in Shibuya. As a way of reasurance. As a way to say "I won't die on you, I will come back to you." Also thanks Mappa for making this even more gayer with the finger guns thing.

Hell, he even knows Megumi's favorite popcorn flavor and he teached him how to make meatballs. They barely knew each other for a few weeks??? And he was so overly excited to learn he'd be his closest roommate. Sure, you can say he's joyful with anyone and he is indeed, but towards Megumi, it's so much more intense. And yeeessss that could be because they are best friends alright but you can't deny it can work both ways, can you?

Since I touched in the best friends topic, I will quickly say how much it bothers me people refuse to ship two guys because they are two guys the same holds true when it's two girls but I'm mostly talking about a m/m ship. I saw someone yesterday talking about itakugi being endgame and like, sure there was some disapproval, but not as aggressive as it would be if it was an Itafushi post. Because when it's about itafushi, they easily jump on you saying "ThEY arE bEST FrIeNDds, CaN't tWo gUyS bE fRIeNDs anyMoRE??!?!? tHIs is jUst fRIendSHiP sTOpInG mAkInG iT gAy/wOkE!" well, it's funny because these exact people would immediately ship a guy and a gal even though there's so much little going on between them (take Ozawa as an example, sure she is cute and all but people saying they have more chemistry than itafushi is just... lack of literacy, like wtf???? how come a girl that appeared in ONE chapter and then NEVER AGAIN god knows if she is still alive - possible have more chemistry than two guys who went through good and bad shit together since chap 1?). But if it's a m/m, then it's a immediate no-no...? This is not about chemistry, friendship or whatever, there is a very clear name to this, the instict to immediately shut down the idea of two guys or girls together in a romantic way. You know very well what is called, don't you?

Anyway, back to Itafushi.

In the whole Shinjuku fight he's been thinking about Megumi, he went through possible ideas and plans TO SAVE Megumi. He's willing to become Sukuna's host AGAIN to save Megumi. Of course they (including Yuuji) need to defeat Sukuna, stop the Merge and save the world blah blah blah, but until so far, the core of his actions is moved by one objective: to save Megumi.

In post Shibuya he felt so conflicted about whether or not he had the right to live, and when Megumi asked Yuuji to save him, Yuuji's eyes shined again with life. They were devoid of any light until then.

Megumi means so much, so much to Yuuji, he treasures him too much. Way too much!! He would feel lonely without him.

And I don't care the way the translators chose to word this, we can safely assume that to Yuuji, Megumi's absence means loneliness. He would feel a void in his heart (I, the person writting this, am telling this in a romantic way, but you can assume that as platonically too if you like) without him. Megumi MATTERS to Yuuji, and Yuuji MATTERS to Megumi. Hell, Megumi even puts him in the same level of importance as Tsumiki, his sister, the only family he had the whole life. I'm not even gonna dive into the topic of "megumi wanted yuji to marry tsumiki" bc i think that is pure nonsense. plus she's dead. meaning they would never marry anyway.

In conclusion I think there is a lot of room for romance to flourish between these two, it might not be now, it might not be the objective of the whole work (because in the end it's a shonen, so yeah), but it's defintely not weird to think about. Love is a central theme since JJK 0.

Unfortunately people on twitter are mega stupid and I had the unpleasure to see a lot of hate towards itafushi because we apparently are in the wrong for thinking about two guys kissing no matter how much gay chap 266 was. And apparently we are in the wrong for taking Megumi and Yuuji's exchanged to a romantic level even though that shit was gay af (i personally don't talk like that to my best friends but okaaay whatever right) Which prompted me to come to another space (hopefully away from those ppl) to deposit my thoughts.

[what-if-i-just-did]

What about.. aliens and neurodivergents?

Like, they find out about body language, and facial expressions, and sayings, and all of that stuff. And the amount of poisons we drink for fun. And they're weirded out. And the humans don't know how to explain it, because they don't know any other.

Then the aliens meet neurodivergents. And at first they're like, wtf there are humans who don't understand humans? But then they realise, oh wait, these 'weird' humans can explain the 'normal' ones. And they start calling the neurodivergents 'h-w', 'humans weird'. So they talk about neurotypicals. And someone bring up how we poison ourselves for fun. And the neurodivergent is like, "Oh yeah, caffeine doesn't work on me, and I need like a whole wine bottle to get even tipsy and like six sigarettes for the nicotine to work but I had weed once and I got like wicked high instantly" and the alien is like wtf you're h-w you're supposed to be normal by galactic standards???

And say, the Kgrifu ship Hashalaiy has eight humans, which is almost the permitted maximum of ten, and only one of the eight are neurodivergent, and they tend to mask in public, even if the other humans aren't around. They usually turn down human applications but then they get one that states 'h-w, strong by human standards, frequently non-verbal' and they decide yes, let's hire this one, they're h-w, and if they're strong by human standards, they must be wicked-strong by galactic standards.

And this human, Bridge they call themself, introduces themselves to the other humans. The aliens look on with intrigue. Bridge keeps their eyes on the ground, talks softly, and fidgets with their sleeves. Seven of the other humans look them up and down, frown, and don't give them a second thought. The other h-w, though. Earth, her name is. She looks at them with curiousity, and exitement. When Bridge is done talking, Earth slowly walked towards them. She doesn't make eye-contact, like she usually does. "Autistic?" She asks in a soft voice. Bridge looks up, nods enthusiastically. Earth breaks out in a large grin. "ADHD with a side of OCD, on my side." The aliens don't know what those words mean. Then Bridge's expression changes slightly, and it isn't an expression any of the Kgrifu's know, but Earth immediatly replies verbally by saying "It's Earth."

The aliens observe Earth and Bridge interact the next few weeks. They're almost always around eachother, and barely talk to communicate. When they do talk, it's usually Earth- Bridge has said maybe a total of 20 sentences while around Earth, and usually they only really use one word. Rather than words, they use the 'body language' Earth claimed not to know, a few words from something called 'sign language' (an entire language of hand-movements!), simple noises such as hums, and, suprisingly.. touch. Earth will tap Bridge's right shoulder twice, or Bridge will run their fingers through Earth's hair (humans only have fur in four or five places on their bodies, and the fur on their heads are ridiculously long), and the both of them will recognise this as communication.

One time, ensign Ririfé sees/overhears (pretty much the same thing for xe's species) one of the 'normal' humans, Pietro, xe thinks his name is, look at such a non-verbal conversation with annoyance. Earth hums a specific melody, something best written as 'hmm-hmm-hmm-hhhhhhhh-hmm?', and then Bridge cocks their head to the left. Earth responds by doing a kind of half-shrug with one shoulder and saying "Tomorrow". Bridge thinks for a second before shrugging. Pietro calls out, saying: "Hey! Talk out loud, would ya!" This gets an identifiably 'angry' look from Earth, pointedly directed at Pietro, whereas Bridge, a large, muscular human, basically shrinks into themselves. Earth angles her head towards the door and looks back at Bridge. Without words exchanged, they leave. Pietro looks even more annoyed and goes over to his 'friends' (a human word for a non-biologically related pack consisting of humans (or other, sometimes!) of the general same age). Ririfé rushes to go tell the captain.

Alternatively, the aliens brand neurodivergents as the normal ones, and neurotypicals as the oddballs. The neurotypicals do not know how to handle this. I don't feel like writing a whole story for that right now but if you like the idea you should tell me.

Feel free to add on to this btw!

[targaryenluvs]

100K CELEBRATION!

hello my lovelies, we’ve recently reached 100k likes (which is insane in my eyes) and i wanted to throw a little party in here ❤️

1) my requests are open for all fandoms, (click here for fandoms) and you can request blurbs and imagines. you can also ask for specific appearances or names to cater to you.

2) shipping event! i love these myself so why not? you can add a fandom of your choice to be shipped with a character and a blurb about your personality and appearance. in return you’ll get a blurb of the two of you! (adding your real name is optional you can choose to give me a nickname or just y/n).

i don’t know as of now when i’ll close this, thanking all 3.6k (how did we get here wtf) of my lovely followers whether your new or an og, i appreciate you all ❤️

Prompts:

Angst/Hurt:

'You scared me back there.”

“You never really cared, did you?” “I always cared, you never noticed.”

“Do you think you’re invincible?”

"I came as soon as I heard." “You didn’t have to.”

“If you didn’t want to be with me then why the hell did you drag me along?”

“Do you love them?”

“I can’t even look at you.”

“You need to take care of yourself.” “Why do you care?”

“Don’t touch me!”

“Did you ever love me?”

Fluff:

“I would wait here forever.” “God you’re cheesy.”

“Y/n, I love you.” “Finally.”

“You’re cute as hell.” “I know.”

“I could keep you in my pocket all day.”

“Is that my shirt?” “Yes.” “Keep it, looks good on you”

"Wear a sweater, it's cold out."

“Have you eaten today?” “I’ll eat you.” “Woah.”

“Did you buy me flowers, why?” “Just take the damn flowers.” “Naw, have I made you sappy?”

“If I called you the apple of my eye, would you hit me?” “Yes.”

“Time for bed.” “No I have work…” “Doesn’t matter, come on.” “Noooo!”

Flirty/Smutty/Jealous:

“If he doesn’t stop staring I swear to god—,” “Un-ball your fists please.”

“Now how am I supposed to focus when you look like that?”

“Do you ever shut up?” “There’s ways to make a girl shut up yknow?”

“I’d rather die than kiss you.” “Sure thing Y/n.”

“God you’re divine.”

“This is too small. You’re too close.” “Well who’s bright idea was it to hide in a closet?”

“Is that blushing I see?” “No, shut up!”

“I’m sorry it’s a bit difficult to stand here whilst everyone is staring at my girl.”

“I want to put you in a chokehold.” “Whoa sweetheart, you kiss your mother—,” *Smothers his mouth*

“You’re lucky I have self restraint.”

Dark:

1 - “I gave you a chance, remember that.”

2 - “The longer you hide the worse it’ll be when I find you.”

3 - “Did you really think you could get rid of me?”

4 - “Someone dangerous could’ve hurt you.” “You are dangerous.”

5 - "If I was you sweetheart, I’d get to runnin’."

6 - “Just leave me alone.” “Don’t hurt my feelings, god knows what I’ll do.”

7 - “Can’t tell me you don’t want it when you’re acting like this Y/n/n.”

8 - "You don't want to be my good girl?"

9 - "Missed me have you?" “How’d you find me?”

10 - “And who’s going to believe you?”

Cannot wait for requests!

- Kira 🎀

[burningcheese-merchant]

Sorry for deviating from the current Topic (and from the theme of the blog) but do you have any Shadowvanilla/Pureshadow hcs or ideas? They're my favorite Beat x Ancient pair and your mind makes tasty food

One more ask before I log off and go do my damn work like I'm supposed to lol

Don't apologize, I really don't mind questions about stuff besides Evil Spice Man x Pretty Cheese Lady 😅 I enjoy quite a few ships within these games, PureShadow included. They're actually my #2 Beast x Ancient pair! #3 is split between MysticCacao and SilentLily, with the latter having an edge over the former. I'd probably have a more concrete enjoyment of HollySugar if I had an idea of what Eternal Sugar is actually like (which is hypocritical of me since we don't know Silent Salt either but whatever leave me alone), and also if I didn't love HollyCacao so much (they were actually my #1 straight ship before BurningCheese completely destroyed my life. It's also what keeps MysticCacao lower down the totem pole, as well. I love Dark, Depressed Person x Ray of Sunshine pairs, same thing with AbyssEel)

Blue Discount Bill Cipher x Cookie Jesus, here we gooooooo

I imagine that Shadow would be quite touchy, and likely rather silly and dramatic in how he satisfies his want/need for touch. He'll pinch Vanilla's cheeks. He'll hug Vanilla tight, from any and all sides (and he will try to sneak up and hug him by surprise if he can, because he thinks startling Vani is funny). He'll fiddle with Vanilla's hair. He'll also try to have Vanilla touch him, in turn; like grabbing Vanilla's hands and placing them on his waist, or looping Vanilla's arms around his neck. Just a touch-starved clown goblin thing (but Vani thinks it's cute, so it's ok)

Many, many mind games - but not necessarily the sort designed to torment, the ones legitimately meant to challenge and sharpen one's wit. Shadow gives Vanilla riddles and waits to see when and how he'll solve them (when, not if, because Vani actually is smart and Shadow loves it). They compete to see who can complete a crossword first (extremely large and highest difficulty possible). Games of chess that last all day, with that day ending with an equal amount of victories and losses on both sides. Above all else - and there's a lot, don't you worry - Shadow loves Vanilla's mind. His know-how, his mental fortitude. He considers Vanilla his only intellectual equal. He likes to put Vanilla's mind under pressure just to see how Vanilla will perform. And Vanilla never disappoints.

Vanilla knows Shadow well enough soon enough to know when Shadow is lying, even without the Light of Truth aiding his perception in any way. Shadow has tells, however subtle and controlled they are - and Vanilla comes to know them well, to the point that Shadow well and truly cannot fool him no matter what trick he pulls. (But it's fine; Shadow actually enjoys the frustration that comes with not being able to fool Vani anymore. It only pushes him to practice lying better. To perfect his craft. Vani is doing him a favor, in a way. He'll trick him again one of these days)

Lots of pet names and terms of endearment from Shadow to Vanilla, of varying degrees of silliness (but all equally sincere). Above all else, he's "Vani" and "Silly-Vanilly", but he's also the sun to Shadow's moon, the angel to Shadow's devil, the butter on his biscuit, the award to his stageplay, the wind beneath his wings, the hand rocking his cradle (lol wtf), the kindling to his wildfire, his cutie, his darling, his muse (Shadow calls him this a lot, too). He says it all with all the grinning confidence an unapologetically flirtatious clown can muster... Until Vani calls him "dear", then he immediately melts into a puddle of blue goo lol

Though he insists that he's found joy and peace in the present, Vanilla does miss his old kingdom - and Shadow knows it, because he likes to waltz in and make himself at home in Vani's thoughts and dreams a lot lol. In a rare moment of genuine sympathy (because Shadow does care about him, he might be a menace, and he might have an... interesting way of showing it, but he does love and adore his Vani), Shadow will sometimes try to manipulate his dreams into ones about the kingdom. About that idyllic past that he misses so much. He'll try to draw from what he can see of Vanilla's memories (which isn't much, admittedly; Vanilla's mind is surprisingly guarded) and use those to paint him pretty pictures of people and places that don't exist anymore. He doesn't actually know if it helps, Vani won't really say anything about it (or if he even notices it's Shadow doing it), but... he tries anyway, because being sad when someone else is sad is a garbage feeling and he wants it gone. And he wants Vani to smile. Vani has a nice smile. The prettiest smile he ever did see...

Shadow is actually fun and interesting to talk to, if you manage to undo all the webs of lies and half-truths and ploys for attention cocooning his stupid ass. And Vanilla puts in the effort, out of a genuine want to get to know Shadow - the real one, not whatever mask Shadow puts on for every situation. Shadow never says so, but... he appreciates it. It's rather touching. No one's done that in a long, long time... (Not that Shadow likes to talk about that, or his past at all, even with Vani's gentle insistence)

Shadow will not leave Vanilla alone ever lol. Whether in his mind or in person. Shadow is clingy and an attention-seeker, and he craves Vanilla's attention above all others'. Vanilla doesn't mind, he likes spending time with Shadow, but he does worry about how healthy it is to only want one person in your life and tries to encourage him to also spend time with others (to varying degrees of success)

Shadow is probably into bondage and Vani probably indulges him occasionally, provided he remembers their safe word and still respects Vani's boundaries in general

[whyse7vn]

SHIPPED -

[ot7 x reader]

TAEHYUNG -

tae: pop quiz should i kill myself?

y/n: please

tae: knew it

you fucking hate me and you ARE in love with that mingi guy

y/n: mingi

tae: it’s okay baby no need to apologise i know how crazy fans can get and i know you love me and me ONLY

not mingi

come here let’s cuddle (fuck)

y/n: k

tae: wait 😭😭😭

baby you forgot you apologise

y/n: for what

tae: mingi

they are shipping you with mingi

i can’t even say his name

y/n: you’ve said his name like four times already

tae: ok but i threw up every time

y/n: but you still said his name?

tae: what is your problem

y/n: i miss mingi i’m sorry

i get mad when i don’t see my man for a while

tae: aw babe 🥰

come over

y/n: did you even read what i said?

tae: i’m depressed

y/n: cool don’t care ur not mingi

tae: i could be

y/n: no you couldn’t

tae: ok but

y/n: but?

tae: nothing

y/n: that’s what i thought

loser

tae: don’t call me that

yk it gets me hot and bothered

y/n: are you horny or depressed

tae: don’t ask me stupid questions wtf

ofc i’m horny 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

do you want to fuck?

say yes

y/n: saying no

tae: ok wtf

you really are with mingi aren’t you

y/n: yeah

tae: babe

ur changing i can’t stand this my heart can’t take this damage and the way i feel can’t stand this mmmmm baby i don’t understand this

y/n: did you just sing xxxtentacion lyrics to me

tae: he gets me

y/n: ok

tae: you don’t get me

y/n: thank god

tae: ok now say omg tae ur the only one for me not that moji guy

y/n: moji?

tae: motor?

y/n: ?

tae: mistletoe????

y/n: what

tae: minion

y/n: mingi?

tae: mitochondria

y/n: mingi.

tae: microscope

y/n: it’s mingi

tae: no i think it’s misconstruction

y/n: what do you want from me rn

tae: tell miscarriage to fuck off

y/n: i literally met him once

tae: so???

he wants you

i know it

all the shippers know it

and all these STUPID edits know it

delete his number now

y/n: i don’t even have his number

tae: oh

ok then

y/n: yeah

tae: so like

y/n: don’t ask me anything stupid

tae: thoughts on iceland banning the colour green

y/n: you just made that up

why

ur so strange

tae: babe can i sing for you again

ik u love it when i sing

y/n: leave me alone tae

tae: do you let michael sing to you???

not jackson btw

cuz he’s like dead

y/n: would you like to join him

tae: mingloo or michael jackson???

pls be more specific babe

hey

where did you go

seen?????

ur leaving me on seen are you fr????

ok at least it’s not delivered

or a block like last time

ur real mean yk

at least i know my worlds are getting to you

now let me sing ok?

it might seem crazy what i am 'bout to say

sunshine she's here you can take a break

i'm a hot air balloon that could go to space

ok why did my messages go green

oh

i’m blocked

again

hahahahahaha

cheating fuck

FUCK YOU AND MINTY

SEOKJIN -

jin: the way i don’t even care

y/n: what

jin: i don’t care

y/n: idk this song i’m sorry

jin: i’m not singing

y/n: oh

jin: can he cook

y/n: who

jin: ur mc buddy

y/n: minghao?

jin: yeah

ur new boyfriend can he cook better than me?

no nvm

don’t tell me i don’t even care

not one bit not even two bits

y/n: okay?

jin: no it’s not ok

what about this is ok

OH WOW UR NEW BOYFRIEND IS 26 I DONT EVEN CARE

y/n: why are you shouting at me

jin: I DON’T CARE

LOOK AT ME DOES IT LOOK LIKE I EVEN CARE

y/n: lowkey

jin: he can’t cook

look at his fingers they look weak

a man with weak fingers can’t cook

y/n: ur so right

jin: yeah i know

so can he cook?

y/n: idk babe

jin: why don’t you know

y/n: because i don’t

jin: he’s your man says twitter

you should know these things

y/n: is this you jealous rn?

jin: i don’t even care what are you talking about

y/n: my fault i thought you cared for a second

jin: well i don’t

do you have his number

y/n: yeah

jin: don’t care

y/n: u sure?

jin: whatever man

he was weak fingers

he looks like he has a lisp does he have a lisp?

y/n: no??

jin: yes he does

stupid lispy bitch

y/n: SEOKJIN DONT BE MEAN

lisps are cute

jin: do you like his lisp?

bet you wanna kiss him every time he speaks

bet he’s all like “i theriously thlipping love thew” all in ur ear

and u blush so bad

y/n: LAMSOSOD WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

jin: i don’t care take ur 26 year old lisp bitch

y/n: all this because of a few stupid shippers?

jin: he looks at you a lot

and you look at him

A LOT

there are so many videos

you look at him like you wanna get him pregnant

y/n: what the fuck

jin: you should only look at me like that

y/n: i’m sorry????

jin: i don’t care for your sorry

or this situation

or that ur new man is 26

i don’t CARE

y/n: ok baby

jin: if i smoked i would light a cigarette rn

y/n: i believe you

jin: good

would be like a chain smoker rn

y/n: i believe you baby

jin: and i’m not talking about that little emo band thing or whatever

y/n: didn’t think you were

jin: me

cuz i’m i’m a chain smoker in spirit

y/n: !!!

jin: girlfriend

y/n: boyfriend

jin: ….

so like i’m gonna be honest

y/n: ok

jin: i do care

y/n: no way

jin: ik it’s hard to believe cuz i’m a good actor and all

y/n: naturally

jin: but wow why is he looking at you like he needs to be inside of you

y/n: ok ew?

jin: right i was thinking the same thing

y/n: why would you say that

jin: WHY WOULD HE LOOK AT YOU LIKE THAt?????????

y/n: let’s end this conversation

jin: let’s end his life

y/n: gn jin

jin: think about it

y/n: no

jin: when he looks at you do you feel uncomfortable

y/n: i’m uncomfortable rn

jin: OHMYGOD IS HE WITH YOU

IS HE LOOKING????

BABE TELL ME

y/n: no

jin: i’m literally a chain smoker

in spirit

cuz smoking ages you

look at jungkook 26 looking 206

y/n: goodnight jin

jin: so is ur new man with u or not??

y/n: no jin

goodnight

jin: good i didn’t even care anyways

YOONGI -

yoongi: fuck you

you know what you did

y/n: contrary to popular belief i am unfortunately not all knowing nor am i a mind reader

yoongi: kill yourself

y/n: full of love and joy today i see <3

yoongi: do you know

how may edits i’ve seen of that one clip of you and soobin

why is he smiling so hard at you???

tf is his issue

ur not fucking funny at all trust me i know

and you look really good

why are you looking good around other people???

and WHY did you touch him

and why the fuck did he blush so hard?

you need to kill yourself it’s the only option

y/n: strange way of telling me ur deeply in love with me but i’ll take it

yoongi: kill yourself

y/n: WAIT WDYM IM NOT FUNNY

yoongi: am i laughing rn?

y/n: okay that’s not how being funny works

it comes naturally

yoongi: naturally it doesn’t come to you and that’s fine

y/n: yes it does

soobin thinks i’m funny

and so does everyone else

yoongi: soobin doesn’t count cuz he’s a loser

he was also looking at ur tits the whole time i would be smiling if ur tits were in my face too

and everyone else? yeah shut up

ur not funny and that’s ok

y/n: HE WAS NOT

just ur a sick pervert doesn’t mean every man i come into contact is as well

soobin is a nice respectful young man

and are you trying to say my only personality trait is my tits????

that’s real fucked up actually!!!

yoongi: i mean it’s not ur humour thats for sure

y/n: and you think ur comedian of the year?

yoongi: i pull my weight

y/n: YOONGI

baby

babe

be fr

i’m the funny one in this relationship and that’s ok

your good at other things

yoongi: that’s crazy

we must be a really unfunny couple then yikes

y/n: what is ur beef?

yoongi: you and soobin

y/n: soobin is a baby to me

there is no me and soobin

yoongi: yeah ok

he’s 6 ft yk?

y/n: i know

stood next to him

yoongi: did you compare hand sizes

y/n: are you calling me a whore?

yoongi: is he funny?

y/n: yoongi

yoongi: is he funnier than me??

y/n: no yoongi

yoongi: wow that’s insane thought i wasn’t funny??????

soobin must have the personality of a fucking rock then

y/n: rolling my eyes real hard rn

yoongi: is he a good kisser?

y/n: ok now ur being ridiculous

yoongi: you touched his arm

y/n: he’s suit was fucked up

yoongi: have you imagined him in a wedding suit

y/n: what

yoongi: was his skin soft when you touched him

y/n: again he was wearing suit didn’t feel his skin at all

yoongi: bet you wanted to

y/n: ur impossible actually

incoming FaceTime call from yoongi :3

yoongi: answer me

y/n: are you going to apologise for telling me to kms

yoongi: no

want to see ur pretty face tho

answer pls

y/n: why would i answer after that

yoongi: pls

y/n: you want me so bad

yoongi: me or soobin?

y/n: …

yoongi: ok sorry

answer :3

JUNGKOOK -

jk: hey can wonbin do a kick flip?

y/n: idk probably

jk: wkjsjsjxjdjswiiwskdkekekdkwkke KSSKXKSKSKSKCKDMDKDJDJSKDKKKWOQWOSODKDKSKDKDJEKDKDKSKDDKDKDKKDKSKDKDKDKDKKCKMDKDCDKDKDKKDKDKFDKDKKDKDKDDKKDDKDKDKDKKDKDKDKDDJDKDKKDKDKDKDKSKDKDKDKDKDKKDKDKDDKKDDKDKDKFKDKDKDKAKS/@@:@;’ wmkdkdkdkdkd sskskdk kddkmdmdmdxm-@/29/929920//09/9/9:9

y/n: woah ok?

you don’t even skate why does this matter?

jk: exactly

y/n: i’m not following

jk: do you know his songs?

y/n: pulling back the sirennnnnnnnnnnn

jk:😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

y/n: ??

you literally asked me to? why are you crying

jk: do you have his number?

y/n: yeah

jk: /‘sjdjdjcjkdidfkckkdkfkdkdk&/&&/&/8/88/8/8/8/88/8818:’snn@2@:’dndn’dmn**$*****$\$$\$$€!!!!’annanjjjsnsnsndjxjxjjxjjxjzjj&/&:&:&/&7(7(7(7(&?&!@!@)&();6;6:5;7)&??,(:3-;:&)9!£0£@!&()::54:(,£,&?@£9£0&0£9£9£9)&(7;5:437)&££9&9)@(7(7(6(£?&!9&0@!’ b gxfxgxgstdgcnjhkbvkhnb hchdtsrdhchvkhopjpjojonobkvjbjvgihighij

y/n: jungkook…

jk: has he ever looked you in the eyes?

y/n: babe

jk: he has hasn’t he?

KILL ME NOWWWWWWWWEEWWWWWEJEJEJJEJEJWJWWWWENENEJEJEJNEJEJEENENNENNWJEJEJEJJEJWJEJEJEJEJEJEEJJWJWEJJEJWJWJWJWJEJEJEJENEJEJEJEJEJEJEJJEEJJEJEJJWJEJWJWJJWWJJWJWJWJWJWJWJWJWJWJWJJWJWNWNWNWNWWNWNWNWNWNWNWNENENNENENENENDNRNNRNDNNRNDNENENNENENENENENENENENNE

but can even sing?

y/n: yes kook

that is literally his job

jk: NOOSIEOSOSOOSOSOSOOOOO SNJSJSJDJDJSJSJDNMDNDMDNCMDMNDNDMDNDNDNDNDNDNNXJDJDN SNJSJSNDMDMDNDNDJDKXJDCJNXXNNCDNNXNXNX SJSJZKSJXNSJXJX JSJXMMXMX JXNXNDNNXNNDXNSNDN SJDJNDNXNXJXJX JSJXJXNXJCXJXJSISKS SJDJDJNDNDNDNDKNXXND NSJXJJDJXJDJD NJDJDJSJSJSJDJKDKDD DNDJKXKXKDXNXJX JSJDNDJDJSKISISOSKSKKS

there are so many tears in my eyes i can’t see

i cant think

i cant be

my left lung has given out and i’m losing hearing in both my ears

they are probably gonna have to amputate both my big toes and a couple fingers

it’s fading too black

baby

babe

pretty girl

can you hear me

do you care for me

did you ever care

did you even love me

y/n: jeon jungkook

jk: loml

y/n: get over it

jk: ok

y/n: ….

jk: i’m sorry

i love you

what even is a wonbin?

my biggest enemy in this life thats who

y/n: what happened to being sorry and over it?

jk: but babyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

everyone is saying he’s like in love with you

and he can do a kick flip

what if you pick him

y/n: i said he could probably do a kick flip

not that he actually can

why does that even matter?

jk: cuz kick flips are cool

and bitch takeable

y/n: what

jk: he might pop a kick flip out of nowhere and steal you

i cant have that

y/n: learn how to kick flip then idk?

jk: BUT YOU TOOK MY SKATEBOARD AWAY

y/n: oh yeah i did

didnt you almost brake ur face?????

AND you kept riding it in the house

pretty reasonable of me

jk: so what ur saying that ur waiting for wonbin to kick flip in front of you

y/n: ?????????

no

jungkook i am not leaving u for wonbin

jk: you say that but when he drops the most sexiest panty dropping kick flip known to man right in front of you i’m gonna be left single and depressed

y/n: you are stressing me out

jk: can i have the skateboard back

y/n: no

jk: 😞

Y/n: i said no jungkook

jk: 😕

y/n: stop

jk: ☹️

y/n: fine whatever idk break all ur bones

jk: kick flip kook coming soon >.<

JIMIN -

jimin: pretend i’m wonho for a second ok?

y/n: wonho?

jimin: yeah wonho

y/n: boob

jimin: hey lol ur really pretty 😍 😋❤️‍🔥 you should totally ditch that ugly lame excuse of a boyfriend you have (jimin) 🤢🤮 and come be my girl 💯🤗🥰❤️❤️❤️❤️

y/n: boob 🤤

jimin: be mine

y/n: show me ur tits

jimin: u fucking cheating bitch

y/n: wonho don’t be mean 😢

jimin: i am no longer wonho

i am jimin

y/n: lame

turn back

we want wonho

we want wonho

jimin: who is we

y/n: me and the voices in my head idk

jimin: even the voices not even fucking with me anymore???

ohmygod

the wonho shippers were right

y/n: what the shippers saying

jimin: “y/n just looks so bored with jimin” “did you see her smile when wonho was mentioned”

y/n: WAITTTT THEY SPITTING 🙏🏽🔥🔥🔥

jimin: do you know how insane that is

LIKE YOU LOOK BORED WITH ME

BABE LIKE THATS SO INSANE

y/n: ig u got to get ur funny up idk

jimin: do you understand how this is impacting my mental health

y/n: i like when their a bit insane dw 😍

jimin: i’m real fucking insane

i hear voices

constantly

they tell me to do things

i listen to jay park

you like that huh?

y/n: ok calm down i said a bit insane not jay park lover insane

wtf is wrong with you

jimin: are you bored

y/n: sorry what were you saying i almost felt asleep

jimin: i hope wonho treats you right

y/n: yk i’m tit level to wonho

isn’t that perfect

my face just all up in there

constantly

jimin: me and him are the same height?

y/n: ok but it’s more exciting with wonho

jimin: should i get a boob job???

y/n: please

jimin: WOW

the standards these days are insane

you were supposed to tell me my body is perfect the way it is

y/n: it is

jimin: wow ur so convincing!!!

y/n: i mean it fr fr babe love u body yk that

little tittes matter too

im for the cause!!!!!!!!!!

jimin: i came to you for love and reassurance

y/n: i think i provided

jimin: i’m gonna kill myself infront on wonho

so he’s traumatised

y/n: i did say i like them a bit insane

but whose to say he’ll go insane from watching YOU die????

jimin: excuse me?

y/n: i’m just saying

jimin: a lot of people would go insane from watching ME die

y/n: not wonho

jimin: you can never be too sure

y/n: no i’m sure

jimin: are you trying to find out rn???

y/n: do it

you won’t

jimin: do you love me be honest

y/n: the most

jimin: fucking simp lmao

NAMJOON -

y/n: HIIIIIII JOONIE 😝😍

namjoon: hi

y/n: ????????????????????????????????

?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

namjoon: ?

y/n: where is my “hi love”

where is the love

where is the life

not even a silly emoji???????????

who took my bitch

namjoon: death soon i hope

y/n: emo era joon omg?

namjoon: where are u rn?

y/n: some boba place with tae and kook

namjoon: oh

we’ve never gotten boba together

y/n: you don’t like boba joon??

namjoon: taste buds change??

y/n: we can go on a boba date tomorrow if you want?

namjoon: no

y/n: LAMOSOSK

ok babe

namjoon: yk people think ur fucking tae?

y/n: ew

namjoon: i’m not joking

like people think you’re cheating on me with tae

y/n: people always think i’m cheating

namjoon: yeah…

but like not with tae :/

and there isn’t always all these edits and stuff

people are even in our weverse talking about it

y/n: people are so silly

namjoon: yeah

…

why are you calling me?

y/n: why aren’t you answering?

namjoon: don’t want to interrupt ur date

y/n: my date???

namjoon: your date.

y/n: namjoon

namjoon: yeah

y/n: ur being silly

namjoon: in this clip ur looking at tae like he hung the all stars in the sky for you or something

y/n: get off twitter

namjoon: i’m gonna end my life

y/n: babe

namjoon: cheater 😔

y/n: jonnie r u jealous rn >.<

namjoon: i’m not jealous

y/n: what are you then?

namjoon: heartbroken?

sad

depressed

on the verge of suicide

y/n: tipsy?

namjoon: NO HAHA WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT??????

y/n: yeah thought so

this is a little out of character of you babe

kinda jungkook core idk

namjoon: did you just compare me to jungkook???????????????????????

do you want me to kill myself that bad

oh my god

are you fucking jungkook too??????

y/n: ?????

namjoon: is boba code for sex

y/n: no namjoon

namjoon: yeah ok

cheater 😞

after i learned what rizz was for you..

y/n: i’m am not fucking tae or jungkook my love

namjoon: was my rizz not good enough

y/n: are you listening to me joonie????

namjoon: it wasn’t was it

ofc it wasn’t

i’m sorry i wasn’t good enough

sorry i didn’t have enough rizz

i’m really sorry

y/n: namjoon

namjoon: no you know what

i really tried it wasn’t my fault

no one deserves to be cheated on like this

it’s all your fault

y/n: oh

namjoon: i’m guilt tripping you

y/n: what

namjoon: are you coming home now?

y/n: ???

namjoon: baby

y/n: you can’t tell someone ur guilt tripping them

that’s not how it works

namjoon: baby i’m not guilt tripping you

y/n: it’s too late now

i know what ur doing

namjoon: baby

y/n: wait…..

namjoon: waiting

y/n: no

ur not

namjoon: baby what’s wrong???

y/n: baby?

don’t tell me ur horny rn joon

namjoon: would that be so bad baby?

y/n: these mood swings??? insane actually

thought i was a cheater

now you wanna fuck???

namjoon: life is crazy

are you coming home???

or would you rather fuck taehyung instead

my fault

i’ll just go…

y/n: ur toxic

namjoon: ur a cheater

come home cheater

y/n: yeah yeah give me 20

HOSEOK -

hobi: hawk putuh

ik ur awake

and i know you see these rumours

y/n: did you just fucking spit on me??

hobi: yeah and what

will do it again

hawk putuh

told you

i don’t lie in these parts of town

don’t enjoy it too much

flipping freak

y/n: what rumours

hobi: don’t ignore my second spit wtf

y/n: shut up

hobi: u trying to get drunk and nasty rn? 😝

y/n: ?no

hobi: no u right we supposed to be arguing

y/n: i’m always right

and why are we supposed to be arguing?

hobi: umm that’s NOT true

and people are literally shipping you with mingyu rn…

y/n: how is that my fault

hobi: WRONG ANSWER

hawk putuh

y/n: stop spitting on me

hobi: you like it

y/n: no i don’t

hobi: wow you’ve changed

you used to like it

did mingyu change you???

where is the y/n i know and love

where is my y/n who likes spit

you should never let a man change you

be who you are

and what who you are is my spit loving girlfriend so act like it

y/n: i have never let you spit on me

like ever

hobi: why is that ur focus rn

you should be denying the fact that you’ve changed for mingyu

y/n: i haven’t changed for mingyu and i don’t like spit leave me alone

it’s 2 am hoseok

hobi: why are they shipping you with him what the hell pretty 😞

i’m in my feels rn

feeling aju not fucking nice rn

y/n: cheer up

hobi: no

y/n: ok fuck you then

hobi: i bet mingyu is giggling and blushing and at all of these stupid edits

UGH

by bts

i’m sick to my stomach

y/n: get better

hobi: word on the street is head makes the pain go away

y/n: on the street by jhope ft jcole

hobi: would you give head to mingyu be honest

y/n: you don’t want my honesty right now…

hobi: i do

y/n: let’s just say

hobi: NVM

nvm

let’s not say anything

how about we just hold hands at look each other deeply in the eyes

y/n: i’m cool with that

hobi: are you cool with mingyu

y/n: cool with you by newjeans

hobi: me?

little old me >.<

y/n: always you

hobi: lol stop loveboming me wtf

y/n: yeah kys

about to give mingyu the sloppiest top known to man

hobi: mingyu doesn’t even like girls like you

y/n: girls like me???

hobi: yeah

i don’t need to explain i think you get it

y/n: are you calling me ugly rn…

hobi: you said it not me

y/n: ok

hobi: ok

y/n: hawk putuh

hobi: you didn’t….

y/n: i did

hobi: what fuck

y/n: yeah and what

hobi: what if i said

y/n: no

hobi: yeah

i enjoyed it real bad

do it again

let me catch it this time

😋

y/n: fuck off fuck you leave me alone

hobi: mingyu would never treat you like i do

y/n: i’m sold

tell mingyu i’m on my way

hobi: …

—

tags: @piw6n @92jinnies @birdie-vhs @kooksmilitarywife @hob3loveofmylife @jujubiism @bloopkook @ratchetpizza1 @myntalks @arloo00 @watamotee33 @y2kcy3brz @taiwan0618 @freyadanvers @gguksbeloved @raetf @bbsantc @winuvs @medicinemybish @bxnnyhime @leleluvsbts @baetukki @zyaaaszn @thelilbutifulthings @jazminethecreator @k4ngelz @jmnscutie @sopebubbles-replies

lowkey hating joons and kooks but it’s okay better shit to come this just my warm up ong 🙏🏽💯🔥

[luminouslywriting]

How do you think the guys would react when one of their friends starts dating their sister? Like maybe she read in a letter that their buddy wasn’t getting any and decided to take matters into her own hands and strike up a pen pal-ship with them that becomes serious…

Imagine coming home from war and your baby sister runs straight past you to jump your buddy who she can’t possibly know

DeMarco?? As a brother? And Brady? As a lover?? I can see it now. LISTEN, I have thoughts under the cut, so buckle up kiddos haha! Reminder that my requests are definitely open and I don't mind spam :)

Cut for length, more under the cut, some light occasional spice haha:

-It doesn't mean to happen??? Like actually though?? Benny mentions in one of his letters home that a friend of his does not have a girlfriend and is feeling a little lonely at times

-And you, being the angel that you are, just take matters into your own hands

-So imagine Brady's surprise the week before he goes down in the Stalag to receiving a letter signed Y/N DeMarco

-There he is, going about his day, trying to get training in, and just minding his own business, and mail call comes and he has a letter?? He doesn't recognize the return address and he's a little baffled. But he's not about to turn down mail.

-So he opens it up and starts reading and it's this very sweet letter explaining that your brother mentioned he had a friend who didn't have anyone writing him and you were just going to fix that for Brady :)

-John Brady is many things—including flattered—but he's also like WTF?? Like where did this person come from, how old are you (is this allowed lol), and maybe it'll be nice to have a friend??

-So he writes you a letter back with these questions included and he fully means to mention it to DeMarco

-It's just that DeMarco goes down on a mission with Gale Cleven and there's nothing he can do about that

-And then HE goes down on a mission with Bucky Egan

-He honestly forgets all about it until letters to the Stalag start to arrive

-The thing about this entire situation is that he likes having a little something to himself? It's hard to get privacy and anything that's really 'yours' in the Stalag, and so these letters become an escape and a safe place for him

-He relies on your good humor and stories to get him through the day and all the while, he's falling in love with the person that you are without ever having seen you

-And it's the exact same situation for you

-Brady isn't stupid though, he burns all of the letters that you send him so that the Germans can't use anything against him when it comes to you

-So by the time that they switch Stalags again and again and he hasn't gotten a letter in months, he's already decided that he's in love with you and is going to ask you to marry him

-The only problem in this foolproof little plan of his is a short king with a dog named Benny DeMarco who will be absolutely furious about the turn of events that he has not been clued in on for over a year and a half

-So he figures that it's probably best to just....not mention anything until he sees you??

-LOL SIR NO

-But anyways, the war ends and the boys get to go home

-And Benny DeMarco is having a GREAT day. He's ready to see his family, his beloved little sister, eat some good chow, and sleep in an actual bed.

-He's fully prepared for the tears on the train platform and everything else

-What he's not prepared for is to see you run PAST him and jump into the arms of none other than Captain John Brady

^Actual footage of Benny DeMarco, seconds after seeing you and Brady kissing at the train station^

-So yes, he's baffled, bamboozled, shocked, dismayed, BETRAYED and majorly confused

-But after a whole sit down conversation about the letters and everything, he's super jazzed to be getting Brady as a brother in law and he's actually pretty happy about the whole thing

-But he absolutely turns to the younger siblings that you both have and warns them to never do something like this lol

-And yes, there may have been a fist fight that you heard about later between Brady and DeMarco, but it was never really that serious....just a protective older brother making sure Brady was good enough for you lol

[ilikemicrowaves]

I'm normal about Carnelian (I say as I read her wiki for the 7262763 time)

Anyways, I here's all my hcs off the top of my head that I have. I'll probably add more or make another post with. But any ways, there's A LOT so under the cut

• She calls Turtle, Tortise and Kinkajou monkey because she forgets their names or wants to be a brat

• Her and Winter talk shit 24/7, 365. Mostly about Qibli and some of the gold winglet.

• hates the other skywings except Flame she fw Flame and thinks hus scar is badass (he doesn't believe her, womp womp)

• The only dragon she doesn't name call is Winter, Moon, and Umber. Qibli gets called sand muncher or Kibble.

• after a while she call Moon moron out if affection.

• Hated Scarlet not just because she was awful but tried to execute her for being friends with Peril at one point

• Hunting (or rather killing) is her unhealthy coping mechanism

• Truly dislikes Kinkajou and can't stand her

• likes Bigtail

• HATES Webs. She would have killed Webs during the invasion if she knew

• Prefers the dark

• Really idolized Tsunami and thinks she's pretty cool

• keeps trying to convince Tsunami to add a combat class and mentions it frequently

• rain makes her mad

• allergic to pollen. Blud is not smelling the flowers during spring

• Trying to convince Clay to let her and Flame wear matching Spike collars (he's scared she's gonna use it to kill someone)

• temper issues

• bad memory from ptsd effects

• orphan (parents died lmao)

• Is scared of Onyx (wtf is there an adult here???)

• wants ppl to think she listens to heavy metal but really she likes depressing hypepop and speed core stuff

• speech problems, struggles pronouncing L and S. (S sound like "sh" and L sounds like "y"

• Steals a lot of ppls food when she's to lazy to kill smth (usually from Qibli or one of the skywings)

• hates being looked at

• always squinting her eyes and RBF

• hates her name

• gave herself a nickname that nobody uses (Carnage)

• would wear a lot of baggy clothes and denim (her and Flame are pretty similar when comes to clothes)

• Pretty selfish but she's learning to be slightly nicer (it's not progressing well)

• reluctant to tell people about her nonexistent parents

• what would beak her? An explosion (😀)

• human!Carnelian would have a perm that almost hangs over her eyes and lots of face piercings

• has a husky and hoarse voice.

• HATES the noise of ppl tapping their claws (she does not understand adhd dragons 💔)

• Even though she was in the camp that believed Scarlet was deceased, I think she more of hoped than believed

• She misses her battalion a lot (they miss her skill, but not her.)

• out of her 14 battles, one was the invasion to the summer palace. She killed atleast 20 seawings

• She has a few broken teeth

• Her breath smells like ass (doesn't like brushing her teeth because her broken teeth hurt.)

• Her favorite color is actually maroon

• I based her design slightly off of a Harris hawk

• her and Flame have matching copper bracelets they made in art class.

• has Moonwatcher help her with the homework and reads to her

• Wishes Peril would talk to her (Very self-conscious about it and thinks Peril hates her)

• says dipshit a lot

• She thinks she's badass (she's not in most aspects)

• She looks a few years older than she is because of her squinted eyes and muscular build

• Mad JMA wouldn't let her bring in her spear

• skips music class almost every day

• Would refuse to go to any school dances unless Flame or Moonwatcher would ask her to go. (Most the time it's Moonwatcher, Flame hates the dances too.)

• hates all of the seawings but Turtle (DONT TELL ANYONE!!)

• wants to knock out Pike but restrains herself for Flame. (She's a little jealous of there frenemy-ship)

• Umber/turtle/Carnelian trio!!!!

[versegm]

Coming out of my self-imposed tumblr ban cuz this is the third post I see along the lines of "man we gotta jump ship" so here are some other ways to be social/do fandom/ect. I'm not gonna call them "tumblr alternatives" because I won't lie to you these are gonna be very different experiences from tumblr. But if you use tumblr as a way to meet new people/post your thoughts/do fandom/keep up with folks, then maybe one of these is worth looking into.

COHOST

I don't use Cohost so idk if it's good or not, but all the people who use it tell me it's A Whole Lot Like Tumblr. Got pretty mixed reviews on this one, people seem to either love it or hate it, either way you could check it out it's free.

PILLOWFORT

My main bitch, so I can actually talk about it.

Pros:

Lots of cool privacy features

Porn is allowed

Website has been consistently getting updates and listening to the userbase

No ads because it's user-funded

Cons:

Being user-funded means the website is frequently struggling with money

NEOCITIES

This one isn't really a social media, it's a host for websites.

Pros:

You can do whatever the fuck you want here

Cons:

You have to code it all yourself

If you didn't immediately skip this rolling your eyes, here are some ressources to get a blog running with minimum efforts, and a cool zine to figure out what to put on your blog.

FANLISTING

Ye Old internet way to find new peeps in your fandom. It's a list of fans. I'm listing thefanlisting.org here because it's the biggest hub of fanlistings out there, but there are plenty that aren't listed so if you've got a topic dear to your heart it might be worth googling up "[fandom/ship/character] fanlisting" and see what turns up.

Pros:

It's literally just adding your name to a list of fans. Low spoon effort.

Cons:

If you want to talk to any of the people on the fanlisting you have to actually manually contact them via email or website or whatever they provided for contact. High social anxiety effort.

Anyways that's all I got chief. You probably already heard of half of those and the other half might have made you go "hey wtf that's not at all what I use tumblr for why would I need these" and the answer is it's not my problem. I discovered these when looking for ways for me personally to do social media so if you do social media differently sorry I can't help ya. But hey maybe you'll discover something new who knows.

Preemptive answers to things I am sure will clog my notifications for years to come:

None of these are like tumblr! Look bestie this is like the fifth time people consider abandoning tumblr at this point you have to make your peace with the fact that there is no other website like this one.

The websites you mentioned are nearly empty there's no one in my community here! Bro if you want a website with lots of people you don't need me listing off where you can go you already know where people are going (aka: Bluesky) If you're so scared to be alone then invite your buddies to move there together so you can chat together idk. Be the change you want to be in the world.

I'm not gonna use these. Then you've got my blessing to not use these. I assure you you don't need to reblog this post just to tell me you won't use these. I don't care.

Anyways. Peace. Dunno how many people this is gonna be useful to, but if you wanted to branch out of the usual reddit/bluesky/twitter, hopefully this will help.

Bunch of pillowfort invite codes under the cut since I got a bunch. Sorry I got no cohost as I said I don't use that one.

[reno11037]

My Live (kinda) P:EG Chapter 1 thoughts

SPOILERS AHEAD

I thought it be fun to make a post AS I play chapter one, like literally writing this as I play, I’ll also do this when the other chapters come out

Some time later I’ll make another post discussing some things in better detail

With all that out of the way, let’s begin

__________

Downloading now

Launching and loading now

Chat I am not fucking ready for this lmao

Starting the chapter now

Opening looks so fucking sick, chat they cooked

Here we go, I’m so not ready 😭

Dorm rooms aren’t soundproof lmao

Damon’s room looks fucking sick, I love the layout of it

THERES A FUCKING REFERENCE TO DAMIAN, HES ON THE CALENDER LMAO (who if you don’t know is a cut character)

Damon called him sexy, Damon gay confirmed/J

A stage?

OH A CHIBI TOZU

Bitch just called me a chicken

DING DONG BING BONG BABY

FBI OPEN UP

THE CALENDERS ARE THEMED, DIANA GOT HORSES, TOZU LIGET LOOKED AT DAMON AND SAID ‘lmao you gay ass’

Neverminds all the girls got horses and the guys got Damian

MEETING TIME

Cool we got a map now

Lmao the name alpha sanctuary

Opp Wolfie don’t trust Damon or Eva

Diana to the rescue :D

TOZU JUMPSCARE

Lol Eloise calling him a villain

We got the rules

Desmond called him ‘Goat Guy’ lol

The shutter door opened

Exploring time

Nice looking room

A pharmacy?

And old looking pharmacy

lol Kai just worried about someone (or him) getting high on the drugs (good thing I use paint thinner/J)

Aww Ingrid’s not mad at Damon 🥺

Ok I love Ingrid omfg 🥺 she called Damon cute (she called his suit cute but still)

Ok I guess I’m helping her with laundry, i didn’t mean to click, I thought Damon would answer for me 😭

A back room? It looks like the store from DR2

Cassidy called Damon Damie, I love that nickname

Damn this area fucking large

FUCKING TOZU JUMOSCARE

Marabucks mention

One of Cassidy’s lines is ‘better zip up my fly, my genus is showing’ and I don’t know if I love it or hate it

Medical bed room 👀

Toshiko called Damon Mochi, FUCK THE OTHER NICKNAMES, I LOVE THIS ONE

Toshiko is scared of needles, she’s so me

Great another lab

Tozu plushies? I hate him but FUCK I want one

Ooohh Ingrid found a pin pad, has anyone tried 11037?

Never mind it’s only 4digits

LMAO CASIDY PUT 8008 IN THE PINPAD

Oooh we all got profiles now

Oh so they all can see each others profiles

Eva’s profile?

WHAT?? WHAT IS IT???

…

Ultimate Mathlete

lol everyone’s on Eva’s ass

Why the fuck is she so upset, it’s not that bad??

Opp she left

Welp back to the dorm

Someone’s at the door

A lot of people, everyone

So everyone’s lock is broken

Oh now I feel bad for Eva, she don’t look okay

oooohhh Toshiko playing matchmaker

Opp never mind

Splitting by gender

OOOOHHH DAMON GOT PAIRED WITH KAI

👀👀👀👀

I hate Kai’s fucking room, WHY IS IT SO PINK AND FLAMMABLE

Dividing the room I see? I’ve read this fanfic before lol

And back to the stage with Chibi Tozu

Cats and dreams?

DING DONG BING BONG BABY

Ooh letters

WTF WOLFGANG??

…

Welp

Wolf in sheep’s clothing?

Oh it’s his dad

Oh everyone got a letter

Oh it’s everyone’s secrets, I wanna know what Damon is (he’s gay lol/j)

FUCKING TOZU JUMPSCARE

Opp the first motive

Damon trying to get Tozus attention, trying to meet up with him

FREE TIME, WOLFGANG WHERE ARE YOU

USING MY MARABUCKS AND GETTING HIM A GIFT

GOT SOMETHHING HE’LL LIKE, OOOHH WOLFIE

HE LOVED IT

Oh his profile got updated

ANOTHER FREETIME?? OH WOLFIE

DING DONG BING BONG BABY

Opp it’s time to meet with Tozu

Here we go

…

And Tozu ain’t here

Nevermind he’s here now

Why Damon got Wolfgang’s secret

It was literally darts lol

Like father like son, wolf in sheep’s clothing…

Is his Wolfgang’s dad a killer or something?

Welp back to Kai

Oh Graces is swapping with ulesses (idk how to spell his name nor do I care cuz idc bout him lol)

Back to the stage with Chibi Tozu

Ships?

Oh boat ships

Boy with cream colored hair? Damon? Idk if his hair is cream colored but idk who else

Tozu built a ship? So did his friend?

DING DONG BING BONG BABY

Opp knocks on the door

Hello Ingrid ☺️

Laundry day and Kai is coming with

Oh Wolfie and Grace are here

LMAO WOLFIE CANT CLEAN OR DO LAUNDRY

I love Ingrid 🥺, she’s so gonna die tho lol

OMG I LOVE HER SINGING VOICE 🥺🥺🥺

Lmao Wolfie putting the entire bottle of detergent in

Oooh getting breakfast with Kai 👀

Oh Eva

She wants to talk to Damon?

Oh it’s Desmond’s secret

Oh Eva trusts Damon🥺 cause we took her side earlier

Oh she apologized to Damon 🥺

Now we showing her Wolfgang’s

So Wolfies dad did something bad and Wolfie is like him, like father like son

Eva lied about her talent cause she felt powerless??

Oh, oh Eva🥺 baby SHES PRECIOUS

Yea Damon and Eva are trusting each other 🥺

OH SHE SMILED 🥺🥺🥺

Opp Grace is yelling at Eloise

Opp Wolfie is upset at Damon and Eva for being late

Oh Cassidy and Jett

Oh she got games

Oooh a game tornament

Tomorrow at 9

Ok so Eloise, Wolfie and Diana won’t be there

ANOTHER FREE TIME??

I don’t have anything for Wolfgang so I’ll go spend it with Eva

Damn WHERE TF IS SHE???

Found her! Finally!

She liked by gift ☺️

She looks so depressed 🥺 my baby🥺 omfg I love her, I didn’t like her at first but now I love her

And her profile got updated

DAMN ANOTHER FREETIME??? THATS 4 IN ONE CHAPTER???

Back to Eva I guess

She liked my present

Oh Damon is allergic to dogs

Oh so Eva was forced into her talent, poor baby 🥺

Oh she was bullied too 🥺

And her profile got updated again

Oh Diana,

She wants to know how Damon is but the song Isolation is playing? TF does she really want?

Oh she is SO sus

She wants to know if Eva said something? Thank you Damon for not telling Diana

DING DONG BING BONG BABY

Kai trying to convince Damon to go to the tournament 🥺👀

And he succeeded and in return

THEY SHARING THE BED👀👀👀

IVE READ THIS FANFIC BEFORE

Back again with the stage and chibi Tozu

He had a dream

In class

Idk what he’s saying and idc lol

All I heard was Swiss Army Banana wtf is he on and how do I get some of it lol

Oh Kai is waking Damon up

They slept through the morning announcement

To the tournament

Only Damon, Kai, Eva, Cassidy, Jett and Mark are here

Oh Eva helped set it up

Oh she’s a fan of the game, people are totally gonna ship her and Cassidy now aren’t they cause I am a little lol

Jean is supposed to be here but he ain’t

Eva likes video games, she’s SO getting shipped with Cassidy. Damn now I need fanart

Oh Kai’s back

OH KAI IS SHOWING DAMON HOW TO PLAY CUTE☺️👀🥺

Jean is here

So is Grace

Oh Mark doesn’t want to talk about his talent?

OH I LOVE THE SPLASH ART THIS IS SO CUTE 🥺🥺

OH SHIT A KA-BOOM

Uh oh powers out

Using the trinkets as flashlights, smart move Jean

Ok Eva coming up with a plan to turn the power back on

Damn this looks like a horror game now

Searching in pairs and Damon is with Kai again

Aw poor Kai is scared🥺

Opp someone just ran past

Opp the boiler room, are we gonna see a dead body?

It’s silent

Oh

OH

And can’t see shit

Oh the power is back on

Lights on, dead body?

Oh

OH

????

Who

WOLFGANG NO

FUCK NO WHY

I CANT BELIEVE HES THE FIRST VICTIM NO

FUCK WHY HIM, WHY SOMEONE I CARED ABOUT???

DING DONG BING BONG BABY

A body has been discovered

Well time to investigate I guess, I’m so fucking sad I can’t believe Wolfgang was the fist victim

And Kai ran off screaming

My first guess is that he got electrocuted, there doesn’t seem to be any blood

Here comes everyone

Here’s Tozu too

Oh Toshiko is crying, GURL SO AM I 😭😭😭

We got the Tozu tablet

He was in the water in the boiler room so he did get electrocuted? At least it was quick😭

Bye Tozu

Oh Diana already looking sus

Investigating time

I’m not gonna say a lot, I’ll do that in my later post about the chapter

I wanna completely focus here cause I’m stupid lol

DING DONG BING BONG BABY

Investigatings over, trial time and I have no idea wtf happened lmao

All I know is Wolfie got electrocuted

Class trial starting, I probs won’t say a lot till it’s over cause I wanna focus

I’m so fucking confused lmao

I fucking hate rebuttal showdown, I DONT KNOW WHAT TF IM DOING 😭😭😭

WTF I KNEW DIANA WAS SUS BUT I DIDNT THINK SHE BE A KILLER I IN THE FIRST CHAPTER WTF

Oh nevermind she just watched him die?

Teatime with Tozu, I lowkey want that art as a poster ngl

NGL THESE DISHEVELED SPRITES OF WOLFGANG ARE LOWKEY KINDA HOT, SOMETHING ABOUT A MAN WITH BAGS UNDER HIS EYES ❤️😍🥵

OH DAMN THE KNIFE SPRITES

Bring her back??? TF IS HE GOING ON ABOUT??? HIS MOM???

So Diana used the taser gun on Wolfgang and then watched him die?

Opp nevermind

Is Wolfgang drugged or something??

OH DAMN KA-BOOM

Oh so Diana was framed

OH so Wolfgang was hallucinating, so he WAS drugged

Ingrid just said something sus…

I SWEAR IF ITS HER IM GONNA LOSE IT, I JUST STARTED LOVING HER 😭😭😭

Oh Damon said ‘that guy’ so it’s not her, is it Jett??? I LEGIT DONT KNOW

OH IT IS JETT??

Oh no it’s not him, killer just took something from his room

Oh wait, WAS IT SOMEONE FROM THR TOURNAMENT??? Throwing the battery through the vent???

Oh no the battery was suspended over the generator nvm

I still have no idea who tf killed Wolfgang tho

The cord was tied to the vent, SO IT WAS SOMEONE FROM THE TOURNAMENT THEN???

HOLY FUCK IT IS

WAS IT JETT??

Oh no

WAIT

EVA??

HOLY FUCK IT WAS HER

WTF I JUST STARTED LOVING HER I HATE IT HERE

It really was her, FUCK I HATE IT HERE, I JUST STARTED LOVING YOU WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS 😭😭😭

WTF EVA JUST EXPOSING DAMON FOR HAVING WOLFGANGS SECRET

OH DAMN NOW EVA TWEAKING

SHE USED THE CAMRRA?? Also did her accent change??

She used her game console, that’s fucked

Comic recap time, I still can’t believe it was Eva, I JUST STARTED TO LIKE HER, I KNEW I COULDNT TRUST A BITCH

End of class trial, FINALLY THO CAUSE BY ASS HURTS FROM SITTING SO LONG

Eva’s motive…

It was Tozu?? Tf you mean he ‘made you’?

She’s a traitor?? We got a traitor reveal THIS EARLY??

Oh nvm

So Eva approached Tozu

They made a deal??

To begin the killing game??? WTF EVA

So she did it to get a perk??

So the life or death secret about the pharmacy was the perk??

So Eva solved the life or death secret, got into the pin pad room and got the perk. Damn

and the pin is being changed again so possibly someone else could get it

The perk lets you used the cameras, damn that’s a good perk

Tf you mean you had no choice Eva??

So she did it so she could escape and leave everyone for dead

😑 I knew I fucking disliked you from the second I saw your ass

‘I’m always the one…that people hated’ oh Eva

DONT MAKE ME CARE FOR YOUR ASS AGAIN

Tf you mean you still would have died cuz of the perk??

Oh

So if Eva didn’t kill someone then she would die

Opp voting time

BYE EVA

Execution time!

Opp Eva getting dragged away like Leon in THH

At least she’s putting up a fight

Opp nvm

So far it doesn’t look at that bad

…

I was wrong

Opp she running now

Raining math stuff

And she tripped

And she stabbed herself on the math stuff

And nails

She’s crying 😭

Oh Cara’s puppet there giving her a hand, and her hand came off

And Eva fell

Oh Damon, seeing him cry watching Eva die HURTS

Everyone’s crying now

Diana lying to herself again??

She blames herself for nay saving Wolfgang, oh sweetie 😢

Oh she’s gonna live for him, cute 🥺

Oh Diana, I fucking love you holy shit

Everyone leaving

Damon

Damon I love you but tf you mean Diana pissed you off??

AND CHAPTER OVER

Damn that was wild holy shit

The devs COOKED WITH THIS ONE

[rallamajoop]

The Baker Incident Report and the Resident Evil 7 Guidebook

While I’m talking obscure sources of RE7 lore, there's a couple more I’ve been poking through lately: the Baker Incident Report file (only available with the RE8 Trauma Pack DLC), and the BIOHAZARD 7 resident evil kaitaishinsho or RE7 guidebook (only available in Japanese, though some translations have made their way online).

I’m not the biggest fan of these kinds of ‘canon’ – fans shouldn’t have to go pouring through pages of DLC-exclusive-text-dumps or untranslated supplements to find out WTF was supposed to be going on – and both of these have other problems I’ll get into below. All that said, here's some of the more interesting new info they give us.

From the BIR, the Winters were moved to ‘Eastern Europe’, as witness protection from the Connections. That's still frustratingly unspecific, but more than we’re ever explicitly told in the game.

The lab that created Eveline is in Munich, Germany, per the BIR. This one does add up: close enough to Eastern Europe for Miranda to be involved, but not so close that it would necessarily ring alarm bells for Mia when the BSAA wanted to move them right to Miranda’s doorstep. Mia’s obviously been to the Munich lab, but presumably didn’t know exactly where the mould comes from (something redacted out even in their own reports). The guidebook also places the lab in Europe, but doesn't give a city. The BIR adds that the Connections are active in Eastern Europe, and we know they have facilities in Central America. Presumably there are offices in Texas too ‒ Mia can't be commuting cross continents to get to work every day.

Eveline was shipped to Central America due to an attempted raid by the BSAA, which is far more we learn from the "Orders" file from the game. The BIR goes so far as to imply that this botched operation was indirectly responsible for the whole Baker Incident, with Chris and his team leaving due to their frustration with the BSAA's attempts to cover the incident up. The guidebook, however, tells us Chris Redfield was actually the guy leading the team behind the failed raid. I assume we’re meant to take it that the mission failed because of an info leak, but I’m still amused by just how ineffectual this franchise keeps making Chris out to be.

Post RE7, Zoe is working as a reporter for a small paper in New Orleans. We don't know if she too went through witness protection but her name was listed among the dead at the Baker mansion.

Ethan is called a systems engineer in both the guide book and the BIR (this one does seem to have been spread around fandom more widely).

Eveline was created in the early 2000s, according to the guidebook. This one really doesn't add up for me: if the project started in 2000 and had already advanced through the A-E series by the early 2000s, why did it stagnate there for the next 10 years without further progress? Did Miranda leaving the project set it back so far? They can't have been waiting for Eveline to grow up, she can age 25x faster than usual, and is being deliberately maintained at the age of a 10yo girl. IDEK, I'd be inclined to ignore this one.

The guidebook states that Mia told people she worked for a "trading company," and was often away from home for work, something which had already strained the Winters’ marriage. I'd guess she told people she spent a lot of time accompanying shipments of goods when she was really smuggling materials or taking part in covert operations for the Connections.

The guidebook gives 2010 as the year she started working for the Connections (a year before her marriage to Ethan in 2011, though it doesn’t mention when they met, which may well have been 2010 or earlier). Mind you, this is also the one bit that randomly calls her "a researcher", so take it as you will (more on this below).

Of Mia's involvement with the project that created Eveline, it says only that the Connections' Special Agents Alan and Mia were assigned to transport Eveline to America. No real indication Mia was ever involved before then.

Of Mia's relationship to Eveline, it says that Mia "found Eveline creepy, but felt sympathy for her lonely situation." You and the rest of us, Mia.

Eveline forced Mia to lure Ethan to the Bakers' property in hope that adding Ethan to their family would make Mia more compliant, according to the guidebook. Eveline was especially fixated on Mia, having known her longer than the Bakers, and was frustrated with Mia's continued resistance to her control. Mia seems to have tried to keep Ethan's existence secret from Eveline to protect him, but somehow let it slip. All this is already implied in-game, of course, but it's nice to have it spelt out.

The Bakers feed people infected food because “oral and mucosal infections” are supposedly better for mould-powered mind-control. Ethan is obviously already infected AF well before their attempts to feed him 'dinner' (there's no way his severed hand would be usable otherwise), but IDK, maybe ingesting some extra mould would have made it easier for Eveline to control him? I'm sure a 10yo girl and a family of hillbillies do not have this down to an exact science, and I wouldn't even be surprised if feeding people mould was counter-productive somehow, given their success rate.

So why did none of those infected prisoners join Eveline's "family" alongside the Bakers? The guide book tells us simply that all were "deemed unfit" as family members, and were thus killed, and converted into molded instead.

We get official names for all the molded types we meet in the game (Moulded, Blade Moulded, Quick Moulded and Fat Moulded – pretty self-explanatory).

As a side-note, Ethan himself gets referred to as a ‘molded’ around this fandom a lot, which really isn’t correct. Ethan’s infected by the mold in the same manner as the Baker family, whereas ‘molded’ is a term coined to describe what amounts to mutamycete zombies (see above): the unintelligent, inhuman monsters that made up the generic enemy types of RE7, whose whole bodies are simply “superorganisms formed of countless mycelia.”

The guide book also implies that Jack’s final, mutated form reflects that he’s starting to become a moulded himself, which is a very interesting little detail.

Notes attached to concept art suggest that most moulded are created from dead bodies, covered by mould in bathtubs to convert them. Eveline is also seen spontaneously converting people to shapeless mould though, and clearly converted much of the ship’s crew into moulded-creatures in a very short time after her escape. It’s not super-consistent, but it is all horror-logic at its best (read: the rules are whatever will make this scene scarier).

There’s a bunch of additional stuff in the BIR naming the Connections’ founder as Brandon Bailey, someone who naturally has ties to Umbrella, blah, blah, blah ‒ I’m sure it all means more to fans of some of the older games. I can't pretend to have much interest in this part myself.

So with all that interesting info, what's my big problem with these sources? Well, for one thing, you don’t have to look far into the guidebook to find info that contradicts what we already know – and sometimes even itself. One page clearly describes Mia as a special agent working for the Connections ‒ a description that matches the wording used in the Orders document, and everything we see Mia doing in the game. But then another page randomly tells us Mia was hired as "a researcher" ‒ a description that matches nothing else we know about her (though it's an irritatingly common misconception, and this book may be the reason why). No-one's checking any of this stuff for consistency.

The guidebook also features such other gems as telling us Ethan currently lives and works in Los Angeles, when both Mia’s driver’s license and all geographical logic tell us they’re from Texas. Then there's that weird bit about Eveline being created in the early 2000s... and realistically, I can only assume a lot of what made it into the book may have come from earlier concept notes that were never updated as the story developed ‒ and if you read anything else on the production of this game, you'd know that concepts changed massively as development went on.

But more frustrating is everything the book doesn’t tell us. There isn’t a word said about the oh-so-mysterious "imprinting protocol" that Mia references in the game. How does it work? Is it, as the ending text spiel seems to imply, merely something that can be implemented in a hurry when Eveline needs to be transported across the globe? Can she be imprinted on more than one person at once? Has she ever been imprinted on anyone else? That seems likely, given that the lab’s in Munich while Mia lives in Texas (and if she's really been around since the early 2000s and Mia joined the company only in 2010, she logically must have been), but we don’t find out. Does Eveline get similarly obsessed with everyone she’s imprinted on, or is Mia special? Not a clue.

Since the guidebook was released in March 2017, long before the Not a Hero and End of Zoe DLCs, neither expansion is mentioned in the text. And since we don’t even learn the name ‘The Connections’ until the Not A Hero DLC, the group that created Eveline is referred to simply as the “mysterious organisation” (with quotes) whenever it comes up.

Nothing is said in the guidebook about the new incarnation of Umbrella which was so prominently involved at the end of RE7 either. Possibly, this too was to avoid spoilers for Not A Hero, which does at least give us some info on them – but then, the Baker Incident Report doesn’t mention the new Umbrella at all either, and it doesn’t have that excuse. That omission is all the stranger, considering that Zoe’s whole purpose in writing it is supposedly to expose the cover-up after the Baker Incident – doesn’t Umbrella factor into that at all? It’s like their whole role in RE7 has just wiped clean.

It's also obvious there was so much more lore written for this game that the guide book doesn’t share. Early versions of collectable documents that can still be found in the game files give the D-series head and arm some fascinating backstory, but there’s nothing about them in the guide book, which is a real shame.

Mia especially stands out as a character who must have so much backstory we never hear anything about. How did she get involved with a company as evil as the Connections? How did she justify it to herself for so long – what excuses did she make to herself? Did she genuinely believe they were finding ways to win wars without losing soldiers? Was she gathering evidence against them, was she scared they’d kill her if she left? Not one single word in either the guidebook or the BIR to explain.

Even more annoying to me, though, is just what a wasted opportunity the Baker Incident Report is to add more to Zoe’s story, when she’s one of my favourite RE characters. Included in the text is a letter she received from Mia, giving what should have been the perfect opportunity to flesh out the relationship Zoe and Mia must have built in the three years they spent trapped in the Baker property, the only two (semi-)sane people present – and what does the letter do? Imply they hardly knew each other at all. It’s the most boring possible answer, it contradicts hints from the actual game (Marguerite outright tells us they've been working together, even!), and GDI, you do not get to tell me that my girls didn’t know each other! ;_;

Ethan and Mia similarly get the short shrift. Throughout RE7 their every interaction is building to a big scene that never actually happens where Ethan finds out the truth – Ethan knows Mia’s been keeping secrets, he never stops asking questions about it, and Mia says outright that she wants to come clean. So what does the BIR tell us? Well, post RE7, Mia mentions in an interview that she doesn’t want anyone telling Ethan. Not a word about what changed her mind. Not a word about why Ethan would just stop asking. Total cop-out.

And there’s so much more it could have covered too. There's nothing about Ethan’s ‘military training’. Nothing about the Winters' relationship with Chris. Mia’s conversation with him in RE8 suggests he was personally involved in relocating them to Eastern Europe, but the BIR doesn’t mention that either. The BIR at large is basically just an extended lore dump, and it doesn’t even sound like Zoe’s voice.

So this is about where I finish up with both of these sources: frustrating, inaccessible, inconsistent, and more missed opportunities than real material. There’s a lot in both I’ll happily go on ignoring. But I’ll still pour through them for every last interesting detail, because I am that obsessed with this canon right now, and they’re what we’ve got.