#writing this out felt so good either way
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Having a strong fixation on Zenos right about now so we absolutely need to write out our vauge ass headcanond of WoLs we've never made (yet? Maybe, we dislike the idea of doing ARR all over again) so we can actually be normal and have normal thoughts for the time being. This won't be tagged as it's not anything in specific, just said WoL being obsessed with Zenos in a way the other scions either see as increadibly unhealthy or downright terrifying.
Am I doing this right? Is this how you make "below the cut" posts? Maybe
Concept 1 (inspired by a comic we saw where the WoL takes Zenos' eye. Seemingly for differijg reasons), the WoL sees Zenos fuse with a dragon for their "final" fight, and being an Au Ra who is constantly compared to the wyrms and often being criticized as "weaker" and not cut out to be the hero of this world, our WoL seeks to do the same. This sheer fury the WoL harbors causes them to completely ignore her fellow scions, she keeps Zenos from taking his own life, and then fights him, again. Due to his weakened state it only lasts mere seconds, several of the Scions are more than confused. Why would WoL do this? They've never been one to kill for the sake of killing? Was it a prusuit of revenge? Was she proving a point to him? Does he have some influence over them? They do not know.
Shortly after the WoL begins barking orders, telling her fellow Scions to leave her be and that she has "Business to attent to". When they hesistate the WoL in their hazed state threatens them right there, with no thought for what will come after. She *needs* this power he has, she pines for it, obsesses over it. In what felt like an eternity staring down at Zenos' corpse she succumbs to her deepest desires.
The WoL, using a method she thinks will work, this needs to work, and relieves him of one of his eyes. If Nidhogg's was the eye of hate, anger, and revenge, then Zenos' was the eye of obsession, yearning, and most of all... power. She needed this power all for herself, but was not in such a trance as to take both lest she simply become a vessel for Zenos. She also was not enough of a fool to leave any evidence behind of the tampering. She drank of the blood that seeped from his socket before placing her now discarded eye into his head. Using glamour, both eyes were made to look like they were there the whole time.
The WoL, silently showed herself amoung her comrades once more, but without a word, had teleported elsewhere. Where she chose to go off to is a mystery.
(And for the sake of storytelling let's say that it is now at a time where Zenos is back alive and seen near the WoL, or relatively near considering they aren't actively fighting, by the scions.)
Something seems off about the two, something oh so present to all else in the area. They have what seems like a connection, as if both parties are wordlessly speaking a thousand tales that they're absolutely enamoured by.
Later in combat with unrelated foes, it was as if the WoL was bending to the will of an unseen force. From Fandaniel's prespective, Zenos did not seem entirely himself, this obsession with the Warrior, it was not one born of hate or even a yearning for battle. It was one born of seeking, seeking as if she had taken something from him, but also seeking for other, unrelated reasons. Both Zenos and the Au Ra knew what she had done to him, and both knew why.
Zenos was utterly fascinated with this revelation. He could see into the Warrior's intents, see into her very soul, she could keep no secrets from him. Though.. the same can be said both ways. It's as if they can speak to eachother at any time, through their very thoughts. As if they resided in eachother's heads. That is because in reality thanks to the WoL's impulsive actions, they did.
Zenos sought to use this to find out what truly made the Warrior tick, what could without a doubt grasp her attention, what could get her crawling back to him and willing to bend to his will. Did he wish to have his eye returned? No he wished for her to keep it actually. For how else would he have such valueble insight into the ever elusive Warrior. No carefully selected words, no barriors behind one's own mind, nothing could keep him from finding out what he wanted, and being able to feel the WoL's emotions, being able to read her soul so intimately would make this next bsttle all the more interesting. No, he would get her whatever her heart desired at the small cost of one more battle... one to blot out even the brightest of stars in the flames of their passion. One where even those on the opposite sides of reality could feel their entire lives being poured into this very battle. This wasn't too costly was it? After all she has done so much to achieve true dragonhood, her greed almost causing the fall of an entire nation in it's wake. Such a simple solution and all she had to do was rid the world of Zenos once more, then the Warrior could finally become a dragon as she wished to be, could finally ascend to what the world she had once sought to protect wished of her.
Though he wouldn't be one to admit it, he saw this as a weakness. Just another distraction in the coming battle, would she really be giving it her all and more if she wasn't only thinking about him, and destroying him? If the thought of finally getting what she wanted stirred ever present in the depths of her being? Could he settle for such a thing? No, he could not.
He needed to battle in the deepest pits of their souls, he needed to battle the wyrm within the warrior. He needed to have this dragon on a short leash. But just how would he do that? Blackmail? Threatening? Bribery? No... no... he would give her the very thing she sought before the battle even began, he would transform her into the wyrm of her dreams, ever mighty, without equal, and unkillable. All she would need to do is ask, ask, listen, and OBEY.
#i don't expect this to be a very comprehensive story but ough#writing this out felt so good either way#i dont know what i would wish to do with them after this#maybe for reasons they could become a thing? a very one sided and parasocial thing#how would the WoL even keep such a thing a secret forever? that's the fun part: she can't.#atleast not when y'shtola finally gets a good look at their fabled hero their beacon of hope the one who would never succumb to temptation#ha lol lmao we all know that aint true#yes i know the concept of taking Zenos' eye isn't unique and that someone else already did it but this is a story for me and-#-not really for anyone else#sort of just a bit of lore for a WoL of our's who doesn't yet exist
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stumbling into the tumblr blog covered in blood. hey guys i think pendog creative library is pretty cool. you should check it out.
#pendog creative library#[cherry on top]#HELLO PENDOG FANDOM. IS THERE ANYBODY IN HERE.#or would it be pcl? eh. pendog just sounds nicer to say compared to pcl.#trying so hard to make sure these tags dont dip into being absolute nonsense because i am currently Very Tired as i write this.#drawing this took something out of meeeee. im very proud of it but i also never want to look at it again (exaggerating)#i was like 'okay this'll be easy. it'll be quick. i dont have to make a glitter texture i can just paste in an image from google.#no shading just simple base colors. make it look like a scrapbook. easy! fun :)'#then miss hecate personally came into my head and said 'listen to me very closely young lady. you are going to shade that drawing-#-whether you like it or not. make those sequins shine against the spotlight properly. make me look nice. do you understand'#and i went 'ma'am yes ma'am' and then focused so hard i got a headache#aaauguasahhghghh. im all good but also augh.#this is what those artists in universe felt like after drawing those miss hectate portraits. i think. i better not go missing after this.#BY THE WAY THE BACKGROUND IS WORMS. NOT INTESTINES. TO CLARIFY. JUST IN CASE.#ask to tag#<- for either of those two things. idk#anyways i need to go the fuck to bed. good NIGHT.
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I think I'm going insane. Lately my dreams have been so mundane, it wouldn't be weird if I wasn't just a person that has nightmares 80% of the time, so I now my dreams are so hard to distinguish from reality.
I wouldn't be able tell what was real from what not if it wasn't because last night I went to my doctor's appointment and I was handed new glasses by Harvey just to go back home and find out Laois was cooking something in my backyard.
#to be fair. in my dream i was back at my old house. so the horrors where there still#also i've been dreaming about my dog. but sometimes it's not him. it's other dog trying to replace him. but it's not him. i miss him dearly#but it's... weird. i never actually dream with characters either. something strange is going on#I've been telling my brother i wake up and i have to remember who i am#for the totally normal dreams. it's like my soul is divided and it's living somewhere else for the night#who is the person i am when i dream. because it's not me. it's a whole different live. whole different people around me. I'm going insane#there's such a strange feeling about it. it's familiar? it's comfortable?#which only makes it even more weird. why is a life so different to mine feel so comfortable...#to the point i wake up and i don't remember who i am for at least ten minutes#but then i forget what i had dreamt about. and then i go around my day randomly reminding things. then that's when i realize those memories#were actual dreams#i should write a fanfic about this lmao#it was a nice dream though. i remember vividly i was sitting in one of those chairs thingies that hang in the air?#and i was swinging happily. i think Laios was talking about where he got whatever the fuck he was cooking. i couldn't understand him really.#he wasn't speaking in spanish but it wasn't english either. i think it was a made up gibberish... I'm still baffled by how comfortable i was#i think there were friends around too. maybe a hangout was going on? everything was nice. it reminds me of the times#i would go eat at a friend's house. but things felt a lot nicer. it was like if time had stopped and nothing wrong could ever happen.#and even then. i was still there. which i think that's why i started to feel dizzy in my little swing. i ended up waking up from that.#i still get dizzy remembering it.#welp. I hope i don't lose myself tonight...#I don't actually know what's worse. the nightmares are common. they are familiar. there's comfort in knowing what to expect.#but “good” dreams like that... i end up thinking about them too much. the residual feeling is weirder#and i have to deal with the whole different layer that is.. there's was a fucking anime guy there. kill me. kill me. get him OUT of my brain#I'm not lying when I say I can physically feel Laios rearranging my brain in ways i will not share publicly#kill me.
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truly ted lasso gave us the best gift a show could ever give a fandom: complete lack of confirmation or denial either way
#as well as the option of 'it was all a dream' interpretation for any bits of that final montage we didn't like#ted lasso#tbh the show didn't stick the landing as much as i expected it to#but it did so in such a way that we can go hogwild in this sandbox while remaining canon compliant for...most things really#certainly the bits i'm talking about here#namely: the roy-keeley-jamie situation#(which is good because their wrap-up was absolutely the weakest of the bunch)#(although i don't think they did anything particularly effective or affective with nate either#although nick mohammed did kill it in that scene with ted)#canon compliance is 0% a requirement for anything of course#but it does add a little extra something when you can slide something into the realm of 'feasible'#or at least when you don't have to evade or elide critical chunks of the actual story in order to tell yours#this finale's an interesting one from a storytelling analysis perspective#ultimately i would put the failures down to such careful writing over the rest of the season (and entire show)#that they were left with too much space to fill effectually and too little space to meaningfully#weave in any of the smaller outstanding threads#in combination with what i can only think to call.....An American Approach To An End#which is probably unfair of me but to me it felt there was something distinctly American about the lack of ingenuity#too focused on the meta-goodbye rather than effectively closing out the story#anyway#still Rotating#but also Rotating My Eyes
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🎤 🎤 🎤
a song that i associate with my muse meme!
AHH, hey, ramone!! thank you for sending in this prompt :D since you sent in three of the mic's, i shall now be treating you to three songs that make me think of blamore when i hear them / that i associate with it. an explanation of why i chose them will be in the tags <3
hozier - who we are.
youtube
icehouse - crazy.
youtube
depeche mode - personal jesus.
youtube
#IT WAS PROBABLY NOTHING BUT IT FELT LIKE THE WORLD: musings.#asks - answered.#ooc post.#okay but ESPECIALLY heavy on the last one because it literally all about the idea of someone that people can turn to in hard times-#like a god or a prophet who will listen to your plights and help you + who you should believe in. and i say this because one major theme-#to blamore's character is the concept of being a false prophet and someone who essentially unfortunately takes advantage of people's-#longing for things to get better in gotham. bc i feel like a lot of people there have either been failed by the system by other's or-#possibly both and this is so that blamore can get people to voluntarily want to consume the 'seeds' it distributes in order to uhh...#well purge gotham of its undesirables basically as terrible as that sounds. but yeah that depeche mode song? it's such a good one for-#him and definitely has helped me before to write things related to him since blamore does sometimes believe in its own hubris.#but as for the second one by icehouse that one i associate with it because although it doesn't exactly consider itself to fully identify-#with the label of being a 'man' i feel as if blamore will still talk about itself that way sometimes. its relationship with its gender-#is honestly a little bit complicated NGL because him using it/its pronouns as well is something blamore adopted recently even-#though he'd always sort of felt like disconnected and/or like it didn't really align with how he saw himself completely. BUT yeahhh#i honestly could start a whole discussion about that but i shall do that another time perhaps ahah. anyhow though besides that-#elephant in the room ever since it has transformed into this half-human half-plant monster being... although it does love any partners-#it has very much (trust me) i feel like it does wonder why they chose to be with him more often than he'd like to admit.#so that's where the whole 'crazy' part comes in and as for the hozier song that song is about how you kind of have to carve through-#this 'darkness' to rediscover ourselves and who we want to be as a result of going through a rough time or just something tough in-#general and that is SO freaking fitting in my opinion for blamore because it definitely had to completely reframe the way it thought-#about itself when it transformed. and he also had to figure out what he believed in / what his values were now which can be suchhh-#a messy process TBH but this isn't the first time that blamore's had to rediscover itself as life is honestly kind of this ongoing-#process of losing yourself and trying to find yourself again you know? but yeah. i hope you enjoyed my explanation here tehe <3#and also that you enjoy the tunes!!
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thinking about OCs moodboard
#i literally want to die every evening when i sit down to write. in a positive way#either im writing dark matter which is an angstfest currently or im writing anathema which is the same shit just on a smaller scale#and since i always get really immersed in the character's mindset its genuinely exhausting#but also feels really rewarding whenever i make progress so???#i feel like drawing is a lot less emotionally taxing and vent art would do me so good but writing is easier to me. on a technical level#this post has no point i just felt like rambling because im freaking out about made up guys in my mind again
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Localization discourse has cropped up again on Twitter, and someone posted a few before and after screenshots of an Echoes mod that retranslates the game to be more faithful to the original JP script, with that same person claiming that all the mod does is remove all the personality and charm 8-4 added to the dialogue; for reference, here's the lines they're referring to:
Lukas (EN): But just once, i should like to be red with rage, green with envy... Something!
Lukas (JP): But still, i've never been caught up enough to lose control of myself...
Clair (EN): Do i not deserve better than these trite gambits of yours?
Clair (JP): That kind of behavior is very hurtful towards the one it is directed at.
Clair (EN): If that crass phrase means you wish to speak with me, then please proceed.
Clair (JP): Oh, Dyute. What is it?
I can somewhat get why people could see the first change as just being a less interesting way of getting across Lukas' lines about struggling with not feeling enough emotions (though even then i'd argue that changing the lines from him being dejected and resigned at his emotional struggles to him being actively angry about them is a decently big change to his character and not just "oh they worded it in a more interesting way"), but i really don't get how people can argue that Clair's localized lines aren't blatantly rewriting her character; her criticism of Gray being changed from "your behavior hurts people and you should stop because of that" to "your behavior hurts me and you should stop because i'm your superior and deserve better than to be toyed with by the likes of you", along with her greeting to Delthea being changed from "oh hi, what's the matter?" to "if that gross phrase means you want to talk to me, then i suppose i can grant you the privilege of a conversation" doesn't make the dialogue any wittier, it's just making Clair into more of a spoiled brat than she was intended to be originally.
You ruined my day with this :(
(i know this is an old ask, but I forgot it in my drafts!)
I thought FE15's localisation was nice, but granted, I didn't have access to the JP script (nor JP audio!), but now I wonder if the schtick "nobles vs commoners" wasn't overplayed in the lolcalised version, which in turn, would kind of explain why some people felt cheated by Alm's reveal -
Even if I always took it as "being a noble has nothing to do with birth" didn't meant Tobin as a peasant could become a noble and have a noble heart, but meant that even if you are born a noble with super special powers or not, being a noble character only falls on you, and the actions you take : Alm rescues random women (FE15 for you!) around at the cost of his mission/safety/etc, when Berkut, who is noble-born just like Alm, hunts peasants and burns his fiancée.
8-4 adding more "Nobles BaD" feels in touch with what ultimately happened with Fodlan, even if while the FE series already tried to dip its toes in this water with Ike, his "nobles BaD" ultimately amounted to childish tantrum and refusal to deal with "complicated things" when you realise and learn what kind of people he's working with, and their responsabilities.
In a way, I can understand the people being annoyed that the mod removed the "additions" brought by 8-4 if they really made the characters more memorable - but my stance will always be to be able to choose if you want to put parmesan on your pasta or not.
8-4!Clair is a spoiled and snob brat - but can't we get the choice to get a Clair without parmesan?
You know what, I'm thinking FEH's decision (in 2017!) to, uh, not include dual audio was due to the supposed limitations of the app, but imo, was also amde with the dubbing/US!VA industry in mind because, imagine the players from FE14-FE15 having characters who, by tone alone, are different from the ones they're used to, what kind of message would that send to players? You've played the parmesan!version of those games?
And to be clear, I like my pasta carbonara with heavy cream because I'm french and cream is life.
And yet, IDK, maybe that's just me, but I think I'd feel a bit out of the loop if I was thrown in game that celebrates a franchise I never played, since the games I played were... heavily "localised" to catter to my tastes and overplayed issues that weren't there because I'd maybe like this theme more than what was initially presented.
Cultural differences are a thing, but Crayon Shin-Chan is meant to be watched, in japan, by children in primary school.
OD's Crayon Shin Chan is basically japanese!Family Guy.
We had the "same" heavily lolcalisation back in the days here, with French!City Hunter ("Nicky Larson") and French!Hokuto no Ken ("Ken le Survivant"), and while in the 80s-90s some people still harped that those were the "real deal", with time it became more and more widely accepted that Nicky Larson and Ken le Survivant were... products that were lolcalised to fit with the regulations of that time (no blood for children! no swear words - when the regular french person says "merde" at least 10 times per day) - but if you were to go and interview the authors of those mangas, they wouldn't have a clue about what you're talking about with your french "dessins animés".
(granted, I've heard that recently, during a convention, both the author of City Hunter and Hokuto no Ken were surprised but pleased that even if it was lolcalised to oblivion, their work was so appreciated here!)
With modern FE though, I feel like FEH has to pretend that Nicky Larson and Ryo Saeba from City Hunter are the same person - so they will put Ryo in a fridge and call Nicky Larson "Ryo Saeba".
I mean, that's what we got with Halloween!Rhage - who roars using her special, and yet winks in her artwork because the artwork was commissioned by the people who designed/came up with Rhea, not with Rhage - and here, with your examples, with Clair.
Clair is a young noble lady, who as you pointed out with those lines, is a well mannered noble who doesn't hurt nor is looking down on people from lower birth, eons away from the "oujou who only means well" trope we ended up with with 8-4.
At the end of the day, people are free to enjoy whatever they want, let it be 8-4!Clair of Jp!Clair - but I'll have the same opinion as I always did regarding localisation : was it really up to 8-4 to change her characterisation this way? Are they still localising or swapping Jp!Clair with a brand new character of their creation?
If so, can this still be called localisation?
#sealofreconciliation#lolcalisation issues#I get that it's a very complicated work and it's easy to criticise behind your computer#and yet there's no reprieve from people who lived in the 2000s#Sure the anime expended on it because anime is different from the manga#but Katsuya Jonouichi was changed from Joey Wheeler from Brooklyn#Japanifornia is a term that was coined up by all this need to lolcalise even when it doesn't make sense#Localising isn't as easy as putting words in google translate#and yet I think 8-4 inserting their character in FE15 is not localisation#that's what we got with Fates and the differences between characterisation in the JP and US versions#it happened to a lesser degree with FE Fodlan#but there's still this discrepency between the og source material aka H!Rhea winking and throwing cookies#and Leigh's Rhage lines to go with that image#maybe as a non US person all this US localisation pisses me more#because the french localisation is either loltastic or at times and recently closer to the jp script which leaves me with more 4kids feels#sure you can always have the argument that if you can't understand the source material you have to use a proxy#but hey your proxy isn't even my native language so why should I use yours if something else is available?#even if what is available is crap and yet still manages to make me understand that your proxy isn't only a proxy but basically your takes#and your inserts in what the game isn't originally saying?#tbh I called out Rhage before the Halloween!alt especially with her lines about Willy in Tru Piss#Sure I couldn't understand a crap that was being said but by tone alone? the Rhea I couldn't understand felt like a very different characte#compared to Rhage#then friends translated the lines and I read that TV Tropes thing and found out Leigh's interview where she says#Pat told her to act in a certain way#and the rest is history#what is good localisation from what is lolcalisation always depends imo on what you want#and yet i think after a certain era people are more critical of what they consume#especially since the internet existing means people can check the og script and find out what was modified#sometimes it sucks and you have a dude writing 10k words about toxic masculinity because he didn't understood what 'boku' meant#and yet sometimes you have people finding out the lolcalisation turned someone saying Church GooD in Church BaD for no reason
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i finally made a folder of my google docs re: twst fics/plannings and looking at the names are so fun bc a lot of them i didnt use the final fic name [if it got published] so sometimes it's just a placeholder [especially if it's just notes/ideas and not a fic] and some dont have a title at all and just auto used the first few words of the doc so i have like
i think only like 5ish of these have their ao3 titles on them / on two separate occasions i named an apple juice fic prompt doc the same thing except for literally just one has an extra ! and they were like 2 months apart......... i even checked bc i thought for some reason the doc duplicated themselves but no, those are just two completely different fics, they just both happened to be Apple Juice Kiss Prompts jvdjfdsljg i didnt do that w/any of the other kiss prompt docs but. whatever i guess!!
it's a fun guessing game on looking at the titles and trying to remember which ones they are. they date back to like 2021 when i moved from word docs to google so i could more easily share them with my friend since i wasnt really publishing anything at first lol.
#like i said a good handful of these are planning/notes docs and not fics but#a few are fics that i didnt finish and will NEVER!!! see the light of day!!!#like it's just business little caycay was i think a jade/cater but one of my older fics#based on a convo the friend and i had but#it wasnt very good and i didnt get far/ it wouldve had to be a longer story and i decided i didnt like that one so i never revisited it#i.... dont THINK i ever published 'the boys are at prom i guess'#i think ive mentioned parts of it once or twice but i thhhhink i didnt post it#that's also one of the older ones from my era of just writing the stories for just myself and my friend lol#i think that one's funny but im p sure i specifically havent shared it bc like i said since it was from back when i wasnt posting them#it's much more indulgent in terms of inside jokes and stuff my friend and i had lol#so it's one i just feel like wouldnt land as well with other people bc it might be confusing#prince eppa stuff isnt on ao3 but i did end up posting those here in a tumblr only post#so are some of the caterella notes i think#and maybe the cater/leona things LOL some of those are fics but i think one or two are just notes#that i found one day and i was like wadda hell why did i keep writing about them together#bc i cant be in denial man i just like writing caycay with everyone it's fun lol#i do like opposites 😑#i think only 2 of these are wips. or like 2 are wips and then i think they both have notes docs?#KATGRR def is spliit like that but the treycay hurt comfort might have its notes in the same doc idr#either way. it is there. i havent forgotten my boys im just hfhwhfehwf#im in a state. going through it as they say.#i also got JUMPSCARED by a solomon/asmodeus obey me fic i started and never touched again bc i got embarrassed or something#sometimes the shame wins. fsdjkfljsdklghlkj#the thing is i didnt even read it i just went AHHH and backed out. so i dont remember WHY i got embarrassed the first time but#i remember the feeling. i dont even thing the content was like particularly wild i just have issues sometimes :p#i think i was just stressed trying to write for characters id never done before#looks anxiously at my kaveh/alhaitham fic notes that im scared to try to start............................#twst i at least eased into by doing it just with my friend at first. but even then ive felt embarrassed lol#and some ive even published i look back like hhnnnnmm maybe that one wasnt so good LOL BUT I WONT TAKE THEM DOWN#theres nothing specifically bad about them just. yknow they cant all be winners lol
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trying to start S2 Ep 6 of IWTV and I've already paused it like 10x in the first 10 minutes because it's just kinda getting hard to care what they're going on about and I keep getting distracted tbh
#idk if i will end up finishing it#it's kinda losing me#idk it's frustrating that this show def cares about the characters & the source material but there's just a few too many things bugging me#like i havent watched any other VC adaptation before that actually felt to me like the actors and writers had read the books#and cared about the deeper parts of the characters other than this one (and MAYBE tom cruise as lestat in the 90s movie actually lol)#so thats a nice win for it#but also its just not doing it for me aesthetically and some of the show writing choices and changes ruined certain big things for me#like ruined me sympathizing with lestat and/or caring about his relationship with louis at all. and some of the stuff about claudia too#and now im just getting confused by the plot and i dont know if it's because im zoning out or mixing up the show timeline w the books#maybe ill just take a break from it and finish rereading the third book instead#this is kinda why i dont watch shows or ever finish them either usually too like#they so rarely stay good all the way through and its just hard for me to stay interested past a season or two regardless#i feel like i can only maintain interest in short form videos (like movies) and long form writing (like novels/book series) sometimes#not a big fan of short stories and not a big fan of long tv series#i have no idea why#other than i find tv series often overstay their welcome and short stories often leave me unsatisfied in the opposite way#p#vmpcs
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Sometimes I think I must be a weird author because everyone keeps making "haha writing the middle part of the story is so hard haha the start and the ending are so easy baba" jokes but I never know how a story will end.
I start and then I write the middle, and then a logical conclusion happens.
#idk it's just so weird to me.#like how would i know how it ends when i don't know what these characters go through. i sometimes have like 10 vague ideas#for how it could potentially end but i never know and i never write the ending before the rest#maybe it's because when i write I'm usually sorting something out through it? so logically I can't know the ending because#I don't know the answer to my problems. im trying to find that. sometimes I don't find it#my first 'book' was written when i was just 8 so obviously it sucked and it was too simple but I'm using it as an example because#back then i struggled with abusive parents and peers who sexually harassed each other and the environment was full of bullying#to the point of some kids bashing another kid's head in#and the book reflected that. i felt confused and didn't understand. it was like my father was two different people#and all the adults encouraged that line of thinking. they kept saying that my father is a good person who loves me and that#only bad people do bad things. that family is always good. i liked my friends. i had good memories of times with them.#they were also cruel children who would relentlessly harass and bully anyone who was poorer than them or uglier or smarter or#who simply didn't agree with them. everyone seemed to want me to view people as either good or bad.#i was trying to think about it in the book. and you know I arrived at the conclusion that there are no such things at all#i realised that people are just people. that unfortunately the father who was nice to me was the same one who beat my mother and#yelled slurs at us. the people who were mean to me and others and who spread lies and convinced boys to beat people up for them#were also the people who were my friends. i found that everyone was capable of everything and that it's all just socialisation#the book ended in a way that reflected this.#this is the way i write most of my longer stuff. there is a question. there is a problem. i try to find an answer to it#sometimes there isn't an answer. sometimes there is. but the course of the story will reflect it either way
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me at 3am today sitting in bed w/my laptop trying not to fall asleep while editing chapter 1 cause I was finally ~in the zone~ and everything was clicking
#I fell asleep with my laptop 😞#I'm SO fckn tired today dude#but! I'm kinda excited to open my laptop tonight and read over chapter 1 AGAIN and see how well I fleshed it out#it's gonna be 3k+ that's all I can tell you lmao#but! I feel good abt it. it felt like it was flowing good and I was able to really nail dialogue and everything it was just...#great. haven't felt like that in a long time.#and now I'm fckn exhausted lol#and as always I am stuck between desperately wanting to share a snippet to show off what I've done and see if ppl are interested#and just keeping it all a secret until it's all done#either way I know I want to finish it and share it. it's just gonna be.... a while. chapter 1 alone is taking me like#forever to actually type 😞#hopefully subsequent chapters will be quicker as I get back in the groove 🤞🤞🤞🤞#i write sometimes
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Spn blogs in my recs and they WILL NOT LEAVE.
#they’re even on my main blog now#at least for me#and like yeah I get it blood and rot and family and whatever#I think I’m getting my period soon because it usually doesn’t annoy me like this but GOD#I don’t WANT these here.#but tbh I just don’t like the fandom. it’s all very clique-y and I am so so lonely#like genuinely I haven’t felt good about a single thing I posted for that in way too long#I like WRITING but posting?? in that fandom? it’s terrible. I hate it#& I’ve taken to writing out all my frustration and anger and grief in a separate doc to be deleted before posting the main work#which is fucking. just. it’s bad. I’ve never had to do that for ANY fandom I wrote for.#and I geeeeeet that it’s because it’s such a big fandom so people know each other and it’s not like my small communities where you#parallel play in peace. but I don’t like it. it’s deeply uncomfortable and isolating and I’m so sick of it#but I also like the writing I do so I try to just stay in my niche and not look at anyone else#I think I unfollowed every fandom blog save for two? three? so I could be alone instead of lonely#but it still washes over me whenever I post something.#oh an! sometimes I’m tempted to just do something super mass appealing so they’ll like me but that just makes me feel worse#I’ve been tempted to delete my blog so many times because I lost my friends from the old fandoms and this one is the poorest substitute#but I also feel like that won’t make me happier either. I wish I’d just never started engaging w that show tbh#okay done. just. I’m going through it
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being aware of your own shortcomings but not knowing how to fix it. sooooo frustrating lol <3
#AUGHHHHHH I CANT WRITE I GIVE UP IM DONE!#im like. anybody with an ounce more of. idk being in tune with their feelings??????????? would have expanded on eg an observation#but i dont. or i cant. and i dont care to figure out which one cos either way i dont want to!#but thats not good for writing!!!!!!!!!#i realise that maybe for dialogue its ok. because yknow how therapy speak is becoming a problem with dialogue and a piece of advice ive see#going around is 'no one says what they mean'#well. so thats easy at least LMAO. at least up until people have feelings jams. which is where i fall flat on my face#but in either case the problem becomes the experiencing. when ur writing pov and ur saying how they Felt#and i just. shrug!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MAN#you kno?????? is this making sense?#i just love avoiding things too much!#im complaining about writing but im 100% sure this is a problem in. every other avenue of life for me lol <3
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random thought usually i kin characters that i love the most or characters i rather hate in a way (hate is too strong of a word though hmm)
#i usually don't exactly share things outright or directly abt myself to others. if you go out of your way to do so or analyze me you're#always welcome to do so ngl that intrigues me a lot. i do that w others often n the idea of the same happening to me just feels too foreign#i know hmm why exactly i'm like this rn n i don't care enough anymore to rlly write about it anymore#each time i think i write too much or say too much that's usually when i get worse n worse#earlier this year this summer when i was doing pretty well but then.. 'i talk too much'#n then part of me just disappeared since then#it hurts when it always feels like a part of me is just always hidden in a way. not that it's my intention bcs#i really want to just be myself n be authentic or wtvr but#this.. loneliness that has always been with me that i#hmm. thinking abt it n i haven't had any good dreams lately huh. despite sleeping early i still haven't rlly slept well#n the real world feels like a dream too. n then#this emptiness that's just always there despite all the things that have made me happy lately. it all feels like a dream#the past feels so far away. the sight of the stars the dawn on the horizon. the clouds yonder over the beach#all of it slipping out of my reach. the chill breeze hugging me n how free i felt in all those moments#reaching out.. reaching out wld leave me be to either fall or drown#in a literal sense n. also metaphorically#in hesitance for either outcome. perhaps everything's just taken away by the wind instead.#every trace taken away by the rain that floods my mind?#dunno what i'm writing. i just can't feel that i'm.. living properly. despite all of this#that disconnection or wtvr along w the regret n guilt n wtvr that just. piled up or wtvr#i lost a part of me that night. all these reflections confuse me so much n just warp my mind to other worlds#dilemmas so many dilemmas n these thoughts n emotions just contradict so painfully n#i'm fine. but. i don't want to forsake my progress or my younger n future self n#who am i? what do i want? why can't i.. reach out? incompetence on so many levels it gets hard to hold unto myself#but still i'll hope i guess. still dream n wish n write. but i'm just losing my energy n motivation to connect w reality#i'm sorry. for everything. so much i can't write.. but everything's crammed in my head or smth. but i'll be fine i'm fine#this is my fault. i'll do this on my own. i'm sorry#it's so confusing bcs i love myself more than i hate myself n i know what i need n should do but. yeah#i'll be fine eventually. with wtvr i'll do n wtvr pain so long as i still live even if i lose hope so long as i hold unto tomorrow..#i'm too tired to reach out for others n for myself anymore. i'm sorry. i'll be fine though i'll just think of other stuff for now
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AITA for banning my husband and father in law from the delivery room due to their intensely stressful/creepy behavior during my pregnancy?
There’s a famous Reddit post from 2020 where a pregnant woman wrote that her husband and father-in-law were a little too comfortable with their certainty that she was absolutely going to die in childbirth just like her husband’s late mother. It was to the point where her FIL was insisting that she go ahead and put all her clothes into storage, because she was obviously going to die in the hospital and it would save them the grief of packing up her things afterwards. Like. It was WILD.
When I tell my husband [that she feels suspicious of her FIL], he calls me paranoid, but I feel like my FIL WANTS me to die; his whole life identity for the past 35 years has been “amazing single dad” (never dated or had close friends or even hobbies really), and it seems like he’s looking forward to being able to guide my husband through what he went through. At this point, I’d honestly be happy to never see my FIL again, and I certainly don’t want him in the delivery room, especially since he told me he was “putting [his] foot down” about me not being “allowed” to have an epidural…. My husband, in addition to backing his dad on everything, acts like my due date is my death date, and has completely pulled away from me.
The commenters (and me, honestly) were convinced that the husband and FIL were either going to kill her outright to fulfill this expectation, or just make decisions about her care that might conveniently let her die.
And then she never posted again.
Over the last four years, people have frequently mentioned that post, always leading to a thread of people saying, “Oh god, I still worry about that woman.” I did too. It became one of those famous unresolved posts that people always wondered about.
Until yesterday, when someone on r/BestOfRedditorUpdates dug up a 2022 update she had posted on a different account:
TLDR; I had a beautiful and healthy baby girl, and I divorced my ex-husband. I lived, obviously.
She writes that she put her foot down about having her own mother in the delivery room rather than her FIL (!), and she WOULD be getting an epidural. Her husband lost his shit. And in his outburst, he let slip--
I admittedly lost my temper, and told him that I wasn’t going to die- it wasn’t my fault his father’s trauma wormed it’s way into his head, and that he needed to fix it without taking it out on me. He yelled at me that he didn’t need therapy. That caught me a little off guard; I asked him why he went to his therapist and was given advice about my death if he felt he didn’t need it. His expression gave it away, and he caved not long after. It turns out there was no therapist. It was just his dad. During the times he was supposed to be at therapy, he was with his dad. I’m still fuming.
And that was when she got the fuck out.
I’ll wrap this up- I’ve got an adorable little toddler tugging at my leg atm. I’m alive, I’m happy, and I’ve got my baby in my arms. Life is good.
I truly never thought we'd see a resolution to this, and I feel like there's probably a good number of people who remember it, so I thought you might want to know.
ETA: Brilliantly, I put the link in at the top; here it is again for convenience.
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for whom good omens is being written
Hey maggots and the rest of the fandom, it's the Good Omens Mascot here. Today I read a post about this tweet:
The accompanying video genuinely made me cry. And I've been thinking about this for a long while, as far back as February, when I saw a lot of conflicting opinions on what people wanted from the third season. It really is true that no matter what you do, some people will be dissatisfied. But what matters is that Neil is writing this for Terry.
And I was reminded of some paragraphs from the Good Omens TV Companion, which I'd read in Amazon's sample excerpt of the book. I know this is a long post, but I really truly do think you all need to read these, I've done my best to select only the most important parts. Here you go:
'His Alzheimer's started progressing harder and faster than either of us had expected,' says Neil, referring to a period in which Terry recognized that despite everything he could no longer write. 'We had been friends for over thirty years, and during that time he had never asked me for anything. Then, out of the blue, I received an email from him with a special request. It read: “Listen, I know how busy you are. I know you don't have time to do this, but I want you to write the script for Good Omens. You are the only human being on this planet who has the passion, love and understanding for the old girl that I do. You have to do this for me so that I can see it." And I thought, “OK, if you put it like that then I'll do it."
'I had adapted my own work in the past, writing scripts for Death: The High Cost of Living and Sandman, but not a lot else was seen. I'd also written two episodes of Doctor Who, and so I felt like I knew what I was doing. Usually, having written something once I'd rather start something new, but having a very sick co-author saying I had to do this?' Neil spreads his hands as if the answer is clear to see. 'I had to step up to the plate.' A pause, then: 'All this took place in autumn 2014, around the time that the BBC radio adaptation of Good Omens was happening,' he continues, referring to the production scripted and co-directed by Dirk Maggs and starring Peter Serafinowicz and Mark Heap. ‘Terry had talked me into writing the TV adaptation, and I thought OK, I have a few years. Only I didn't have a few years,' he says. 'Terry was unconscious by December and dead by March.'
He pauses again. 'His passing took all of us by surprise,' Neil remembers. 'About a week later, I started writing, and it was very sad. The moments Terry felt closest to me were the moments I would get stuck during the writing process. In the old days, when we wrote the novel, I would send him what I'd done or phone him up. And he would say, "Aahh, the problem, Grasshopper, is in the way you phrase the question," and I would reply, "Just tell me what to do!" which somehow always started a conversation. 'In writing the script, there were times I'd really want to talk to Terry, and also places where I'd figure something out and do something really clever, and I would want to share it with him. So, instead, I would text Terry's former personal assistant, Rob Wilkins, now his representative on Earth. It was the nearest thing I had.'
(...) As Neil himself recognizes, this is an adaptation built upon the confidence that comes from three decades of writing for page and screen. But for all the wisdom of experience, he found that above all one factor guided him throughout the process. 'Terry isn't here, which leaves me as the guardian of the soul of the story,' he explains. 'It's funny because sometimes I found myself defending Terry's bits harder or more passionately than I would defend my own bits. Take Agnes Nutter,' he says, referring to what has become a key scene in the adaptation in which the seventeenth-century author of the book of prophecies foretelling the coming of the Antichrist is burned at the stake. ‘It was a huge, complicated and incredibly expensive shoot, with bonfires built and primed to explode as well as huge crowds in costume. It had to feel just like an English village in the 1640s, and of course everyone asked if there was a cheap way of doing it. 'One suggestion was that we could tell the story using old-fashioned woodcuts and have the narrator take us through what happened, but I just thought, “No”. Because I had brought aspects of the story like Crowley and the baby swap along to the mix, and Terry created Agnes Nutter. So, if I had cut out Agnes then I wouldn't be doing right by the person who gave me this job. Terry would've rolled over in his grave.'
And, finally, this paragraph:
"Once again, Neil cites the absence of his co-writer as his drive to ensure that Good Omens translated to the screen and remained true to the original vision. 'Terry's last request to me was to make this something he would be proud of. And so that has been my job.'"
I think that's so heartwrenchingly beautiful, and so I wanted you all to read this, too, just in case you (like me) don't have the Good Omens TV Companion. It adds another layer of depth and emotion to this already complex and amazing story that we all know and love.
Share this post, if you can, please, so that more people can read these excerpts :")
Tagging @neil-gaiman, @fuckyeahgoodomens and @orpiknight, even if you've definitely read these before :)
#good omens#neil gaiman#sir terry pratchett#good omens show#good omens fandom#good omens mascot#weirdly specific but ok#asmi
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