#cw maternal mortality

[cleolinda]

AITA for banning my husband and father in law from the delivery room due to their intensely stressful/creepy behavior during my pregnancy?

There’s a famous Reddit post from 2020 where a pregnant woman wrote that her husband and father-in-law were a little too comfortable with their certainty that she was absolutely going to die in childbirth just like her husband’s late mother. It was to the point where her FIL was insisting that she go ahead and put all her clothes into storage, because she was obviously going to die in the hospital and it would save them the grief of packing up her things afterwards. Like. It was WILD.

When I tell my husband [that she feels suspicious of her FIL], he calls me paranoid, but I feel like my FIL WANTS me to die; his whole life identity for the past 35 years has been “amazing single dad” (never dated or had close friends or even hobbies really), and it seems like he’s looking forward to being able to guide my husband through what he went through. At this point, I’d honestly be happy to never see my FIL again, and I certainly don’t want him in the delivery room, especially since he told me he was “putting [his] foot down” about me not being “allowed” to have an epidural…. My husband, in addition to backing his dad on everything, acts like my due date is my death date, and has completely pulled away from me.

The commenters (and me, honestly) were convinced that the husband and FIL were either going to kill her outright to fulfill this expectation, or just make decisions about her care that might conveniently let her die.

And then she never posted again.

Over the last four years, people have frequently mentioned that post, always leading to a thread of people saying, “Oh god, I still worry about that woman.” I did too. It became one of those famous unresolved posts that people always wondered about.

Until yesterday, when someone on r/BestOfRedditorUpdates dug up a 2022 update she had posted on a different account:

TLDR; I had a beautiful and healthy baby girl, and I divorced my ex-husband. I lived, obviously.

She writes that she put her foot down about having her own mother in the delivery room rather than her FIL (!), and she WOULD be getting an epidural. Her husband lost his shit. And in his outburst, he let slip--

I admittedly lost my temper, and told him that I wasn’t going to die- it wasn’t my fault his father’s trauma wormed it’s way into his head, and that he needed to fix it without taking it out on me. He yelled at me that he didn’t need therapy. That caught me a little off guard; I asked him why he went to his therapist and was given advice about my death if he felt he didn’t need it. His expression gave it away, and he caved not long after. It turns out there was no therapist. It was just his dad. During the times he was supposed to be at therapy, he was with his dad. I’m still fuming.

And that was when she got the fuck out.

I’ll wrap this up- I’ve got an adorable little toddler tugging at my leg atm. I’m alive, I’m happy, and I’ve got my baby in my arms. Life is good.

I truly never thought we'd see a resolution to this, and I feel like there's probably a good number of people who remember it, so I thought you might want to know.

ETA: Brilliantly, I put the link in at the top; here it is again for convenience.

[girlinafairytale]

source

[lilicannotfly]

landyn's (in)formal introduction

. . .

meet landon! || she.he || 19 years || cw. mentions of birth and complications, maternal mortality, and vomiting.

. . .

Galère exists in a fantastical universe set in the future. Boats have gone back to their original forms as they were simply superior.

"And yet you insist on jabbering my ear off with this frivolous nonsense."

. . . ♡︎.ᐟજ⁀➴ . . .

PERSONAL DESCRIPTION.

Landyn is an interesting character, both laid back and tight strung at once. He's extremely family oriented, often holding close to those in his community, and he was known to have a hair trigger temper in his younger years. This didn't help with the fact that people off the ship didn't really talk to him anyways as a child, so he spent a large amount of time observing instead of interacting. Because of this, despite his internal doubts, he fits into any setting exceptionally well.

PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION.

Landyn is a bigender man of what can be considered a short stature for centaurs, to her eternal disappointment (though, compared to humans she is tall). He is vaguely thin, especially for being a centaur, and has smooth, supple skin that Reece says seems as though it was dipped in burnt sand. Her right iris is thin, pupil-less, and the same warm brown as her fluffy hair, while her left iris is wide and dark. The pupil is lightly coloured, and less so an actual pupil as a symbol correlating to what she's feeling at the moment. She has both her ears peirced, both at the lobes and at the tips (she did both herself.)

. . .

IMPORTANT BACKGROUND.

Captain Darius did a favour for Landyn's mother by stopping the ship at her hometown, insisting that she give birth at home and surrounded by friends and family. It was a sunny day, the air pleasantly warm; a perfect late spring day for a birth of what Landon's mother oft called "a future angel" before Landyn was born. The birth, however, did not go well-labor was almost a day long and painful, and the longer it went on the more it became apparent that she was not going to make it and that Landyn likely wasn't going to either. Landon had to be cut out of his mother, surprisingly being quite healthy. Her mother, unfortunately, did not survive.

His mother had invited five of her friends to bestow blessings upon her once she was born, but, viewing him as the cause of his mother's death, two refused to grand anything at all, while two went on to curse him instead. One of them said that she was always to be a runt, and the other said that he would wear his heart on his sleeve (hoping the universe understood their anger and put her actual heart on her arm). The last one kept her word to bestow upon him a blessing, if not only to honour her best friend, and blessed her to live as long as possible.

Upon hearing the news of Landyn's mother's death, Captain Darius was devastated at the loss of her friend, and devastated on Landon's behalf as he would grow up without a mother. She christened him Landon, in the hopes that she would climb the long hill of life steadily to get to whatever awaits him at the top, but never wrote it down, which led to the difference in spellings.

Landyn was raised on the Tell Mother by all of the rest of the crew, growing up with all of them as her family. She especially felt as though Blaine and Nia were her mothers, being inseparable from them until the age of seven, when he started exploring around a bit more. His eye made him an outcast off the ship-and his seeming difficulty to walk on land, exacerbated by his weakness, certainly did not help. He struggled to get enough energy in her body and put on enough weight, as if he didn't eat slow enough, he would vomit it up, and he could not eat many foods, including foods with large amounts of butter/oil, red meats, or certain fruits, having varying negative reactions to them.

As he got older, she got better at walking on land and more comfortable around strangers, growing into herself and her personality and being the loud, joyful prankster that we know today.

During the summer of his fifteenth year, he went to collect ingredients from the cupboard to help the main cook with dinner, and found Reece hiding there. Obviously, he was annoyed-here was another person, runaway from what seemed like a rich place, based on their clothes, who seemed to have no knowledge on boating or any other survival type skill-but what with Captain Darius' policy to not turn anyone away, he begrudgingly helped them adapt to the ship. As Reece integrated themself into the ship, Landyn slowly warmed up to them, and they ended up the closest friends either of them had ever had.

. . .

PLACE ON THE SHIP.

Landyn is the joy of all the inhabitants on the ship, but his actual job is secondary cook and resident peanut gallery.

THINGS OF NOTE.

. . . 𝄞₊ ⊹ He strongly thinks that Reece should be a doctor-they have a base knowledge that would make it helpful for them to learn, as well as an extremely steady hand. They think that he's overestimating them simply because they're friends.

. . . 𝄞₊ ⊹ Landon makes sure to get off the boat everytime they stop in Town of Eve, often hanging around the Aconitum bar. Abby, the owner, caught him trying to fake being sixteen to get a drink when he was fourteen, and in return for not reporting him to the local authorities, she had him work for her for three months. During those three months, they became friends/acquaintances, and they still speak to this day (though she's got to be on her best behaviour every time Abby is at the counter lols)

. . . 𝄞₊ ⊹ Landyn is wanted in some of their less frequent ports-surprisingly enough, many did not take kindly to her clumsy attempts at theft in her youth.

. . . 𝄞₊ ⊹ M once tried to teach him how to cast spells. It did not work, the energy imbued in his body counteracting the energy he was trying to draw from the universe, and he ended up severely ill for a week. M felt overwhelmingly guilty for that and therefore mildly spoiled her ever since.

. . . 𝄞₊ ⊹ She keeps a diary, an old, weathered book that she found in the library when she was very, very young-maybe three years old. It sat in his room until two weeks after her seventeenth birthday, when she remembered its existence and took to writing in it religiously. Somehow, it never seems to run out of pages.

. . . 𝄞₊ ⊹ Because of her left eye, she is visually impaired.

. . . 𝄞₊ ⊹ He hates lemons with a passion. They don't make him sick or anything like that, she just hates them, really badly.

[reasonsforhope]

“Bangladesh has achieved a huge success in reducing infant and maternal mortality rates in the last five decades, securing the top position in South Asia.

According to the World Bank's estimation, the current infant mortality rate for Bangladesh is 21 deaths per 1000 live births making 85% decline from 1971 as the rate was 141 deaths during Bangladesh's independence.

According to health experts, Bangladesh achieved unprecedented success in every health index in the last 50 years since independence...

According to Health and Family Welfare Ministry, Bangladesh maternal mortality rate was 269 per 100,000 live births in 2009. The ratio has reduced to 165 recently.

The government has set a target to reduce maternal mortality to less than 50 per 100,000 live births...

After the independence, the Bangladesh government had put emphasis on maternal health, family planning, child nutrition and so on.

Special importance was also given on different five-year plans, health policy and latest health, population and nutrition programme. Special allocation was also kept at annual development programme (ADP) on those issues.

Annual Global Childhood Report 2019 of the humanitarian organization "Save The Children" says child mortality rate has reduced to a great extent in Bangladesh, Bhutan, India and Nepal in the last two decades.

Among the four countries, Bangladesh has made the highest progress. The child mortality ratio declined 60% in Bhutan, 59% in Nepal, 57% in India, [and] 63% in Bangladesh in the last two decades...

Family Planning Directorate Assistant Director Matiur Rahman said that 3,364 union health and family welfare centres are providing maternal and child health facilities apart from family planning services across the county.

Of them, 2189 union health and family welfare centres are providing 24 hour safe delivery facilities every day.”

-via The Business Standard, 6/14/22

[luveline]

hey jade!! i love kisses before dinner and was wondering (if you like the idea) maybe you could write something about avery realising how scary giving birth can be and starts worry about it before the new baby arrives? <3<3<3

thank you for your request! kisses before dinner —mom!you and dad!steve comfort avery when she has concerns for your health. fem!reader, 3k

cw discussed maternal mortality and death

Steve Harrington looks out over the kitchen table that night with a great sense of success. You're sitting at the other end with Dove on your knee, feeding her bites of macaroni cheese between feigned spoonfuls given to her rainbow teddy bear. Bethie sits to his left eating without complaint (a victory considering her pickiness). Avery sits to his right, trying to pour her own glass from the juice jug. It's awesome. 

Steve quickly swallows the drink he'd been sipping on and offers to help her, hand extended, "Here. I got it."

"I can do it," Avery insists, her long arms shaking under the weight. 

He doesn't mind her being independent, nor her improving capabilities, but the last thing he wants to do tonight is clean up a huge juice spill. Steve takes the juice gently and refills her plastic cup. 

"Dad," she whines. 

"Avery," he whines back. 

She huffs and grabs her fork, ignoring her fresh cup of juice to shovel in bites of broccoli and macaroni instead. 

"I think I'm done," Bethie says. Steve must have jinxed it. 

He attempts to do the impossible —convince Bethie to finish dinner. He takes up station by the side of her chair, having tried everything now, and only this works. 

"Beth," he says, putting his hand behind her back, "Are you sure there's no room left? I don't want you to be hungry again before we go to bed 'cos you won't tell me, will you?" 

"I'm full," she insists, reaching for her drink bottle. 

"Is there something wrong with it?" he asks, rubbing up and down her back.

"No, daddy, it's nice," she says. She isn't quite convincing, but she tries. 

Steve looks at her. She looks like Steve sometimes, like neither of you other times, but mostly he looks at her and he sees you. Your smile, your frown, Bethie's tell is the same as yours when she lies. Steve can read you both like a book. 

"Is it cold?" he asks, sticking his pinky finger in the corner of her macaroni. "A little. If I heat it back up for you, would that make it better?" 

"No, please," she says. 

He sighs. "Make you something else? Sandwiches?" 

"I'm not hungry, daddy." 

Steve plasters a smile over his worries and kisses her cheek. "Okie smokie. Well done, honey, you ate lots and lots. Let's try even more for breakfast, yeah?" 

"Yes!" she agrees, sliding off of her chair.

"Where are you going?" he asks. 

"Need to pee!" she yells, running to the stairs. She opens the baby gate (which she’s known how to do for too many years, way before supposed to know how to —thanks so much, Avery) and Steve listens to her sprint up the stairs with a wince. 

"Call me if you need help!" he yells after her. 

"Okay!" 

"You think that's why she didn't want to eat?" you ask, wiping the corners of Dove's mouth with her bib. 

Steve stands up and stretches his arms behind his head. "I don't know," he says, rolling his neck around in a circle. 

"Is it gross if I eat her leftovers?" you ask. 

"I'll make you another pot, if you want it," Steve offers, arms dropping down to his side. He's been trying to get back into shape lately. It's not working out. "You having cravings?" 

"I'm just hungry all the time," you say, your voice melding into a sing song as you finish wiping Dove's face. "All done! Good girl, Dovey! You're my good girl." You plaster her forehead with a layer of kisses before putting her down on the floor. She wobbles, hands on your thighs. "Okay? You want another drink?"

"Dotty Dolly," she says, taking your hand. "Please. Please, Dolly."

"Yeah, my love. I'm coming." You groan as you stand up, not quite pregnant enough to worry about popping soon but more than enough to feel exhaustion to the marrow. 

"Just me and you then," Steve says to Avery, tucking in chairs and piling plates at the table. 

"Me and you, sir," she agrees in a funny voice. 

"Still mad at me?" 

She remembers to glare at him. "Yes!" She takes another bite of macaroni. "Okay, no." 

"If you're not gonna chew with your mouth closed, put your hand over your mouth. I don't wanna see your chewed up dinner." Avery pokes her tongue out, laughing when Steve says, "Ewww." 

He sets the leftovers aside for you rather than waste Bethie's largely untouched pasta in the trash, stacking the dishes in the sink and wetting a cloth to wipe down the table. He cleans around Avery, squeezing her neck, shoulders and arms to make her squirm as he goes.

"You want seconds?" he asks, returning to the sink. 

"I want dessert." 

"Good idea. You know Mom's so pregnant all she does lately is wake me up for ice cream."

"She wakes you up?" Avery asks. 

"By accident trying to put her socks on at the end of the bed. Baby's getting too big now, she can't see her toes." 

"It's a good thing she has you, dad."

"Yeah, but you'd help mommy, wouldn't you? Help her put her shoes on if she couldn't reach?" 

Avery hops off of her chair and passes him her plate, completely clean of food. She grows like a bamboo shoot and eats like a rabid dog. He loves it. She's evidence that he's a good cook. 

"Thank you. What did you want for dessert?" he asks. 

"I have something to ask you." 

"Oh." Steve hates the sound of that, theorising that she wants a new something or other he'll have to say no to. He grabs her by the waist, wet hands and all, hoisting her up onto the counter by the dish rack. He puts a rag in her hands. "You dry and I'll answer." 

"It's a weird question," Avery warns.   

"Avery, you wouldn't believe how weird some of the questions I've asked are. Don't worry about it." 

He scrunches dirty water out of the dish sponge and squirts soap onto a dirty plate. The hot water burns his fingertips. Avery dries a plastic plate diligently, her question coming out slow as running wax. 

"Mom's gonna be okay, right?" she asks quietly. 

Steve fights to keep his eyebrows down. They bob anyways. "Okay from what?" 

"When she has the baby. She's not going to get hurt?" 

"Well, having a baby really hurts. But there's medicine for her to take, and I'll be there to hold her hand." 

"No," Avery says, frowning, "that's not…" 

"Sorry, Ave. Ask me again, try a different word." 

She puts the dried plate down to her left and picks another to dry. "Will mom die?" 

"No," he says. Doesn't miss a beat, though his pulse capers. He knows that childbirth is hard, that lots of things can go wrong, but if he truly thought you might die he wouldn't have asked for another baby. And even if he did think it were going to happen, it's not a thought Avery needs to have. "She won't die, I promise you. Where'd you get that idea, honey?" 

"Jordan's mom died having a baby." 

Steve nods and tries to recalibrate the conversation. He knew of Jordan's mom passing away, he made a couple of trays of food for Jordan's dad and put money in the collection plate for her memorial, but he didn't know Avery knew precisely how it happened. 

"Right, she did," he says gently. "And that's scary, huh?" 

"Why can't it happen to mommy if it happened to her?" Avery asks. 

Steve shuts off the water. Hand still wet, he rubs his forehead roughly. "Can I have that?" he asks Avery, gesturing for the dish cloth. She gives it to him, putting down her last plate, and Steve wipes his fingers dry to pick her up without getting her wet a second time. 

"Let's have a talk," he says, tilting his head to the side. He sees his eyes looking back at him, smaller and softer, longer lashes but the same honeyed brown. "Me, you, and mommy. Okay?" 

"Dad," she says, startled. 

"It's okay, It'll be better if you talk to mom, too, because it's mom that's already had babies, not me. I think I know everything because my brain is so big and stuff, but I can't tell you what your mom is thinking." 

"I don't want mommy to get upset," she says. 

It's partially his fault for asking her to tell him if there's a problem rather than you a few weeks ago. He didn't want you walking up and down the stairs unnecessarily, and your blood pressure is something they've been keeping an eye on. He didn't mean for Avery to bottle things up. Every time Steve thinks he's doing something right it finds a way to bite him in the ass. 

"I meant if Bethie's turned the faucet on and flooded the bathroom, or if you want to change your bed or something, not that you can't ask her things that are worrying you," he says, readjusting her weight. Her knees dig into his sides as he carries her to the living room doorway from the kitchen. 

"Hey, mom?" he asks. 

Your head jumps up. You're sitting on the edge of the couch with Dove's face in your knee, a dribble patch dampening your pants. Bethie has her hand in yours sitting next to you. You're still in your work clothes, your bump straining against everything now, but yet to drop. He'll have to wash your pants tonight. 

"Hey?" you say, a guilty smile tugging up your pretty mouth. "I'm coming to do the dishes, I swear. My girls caught me in their net." 

"Can we talk to you? For a minute," Steve says. 

Your eyes widen. You stand up with a funny noise like someone's stepped on your toes, lifting Dove by the armpits to sit next to Bethie. You kiss the girls goodbye and they're too distracted by Dotty Dolly playing on the TV to mind. 

"What's wrong?" you ask, following Steve back into the kitchen. 

"Want me to explain?" Steve asks Avery. She nods. "Avery's a little worried about you." 

"About me?" You put your hands under your face and beam at her. "What's worrying you? I've never been better." 

"She's worried about when you have the baby." 

"'Cos of Jordan's mom," Avery whispers. 

You hear it despite her small voice, your smile sobering. "I see… I see. You know… you're a big girl, Avery. You're my big girl, and I wish I could keep you this young forever sometimes, but I know that you know that people don't get to stay with us forever, so I don't want to scare you, but I'll tell you what I think, yeah?" 

Avery swallows around nothing. 

Steve gives her back a sympathetic pat. "It's okay," he says to her, enthusing his voice with some pep to calm her down. 

"Jordan's mommy was sick when she passed away," you say, your hand resting on your bump now, inching closer to Steve and Avery where they've paused under the kitchen light. "She knew things were going to be hard. When you have a baby, you know things won't be easy, but it's not fair. It's very sad. She," —you look at Steve with a parent familiar fear that says, Am I saying the right things?— "said goodbye before anyone wanted her too, but Avery." Steve knows what you're going to say. It's a promise he made only minutes ago, one that you have no control over keeping, but a necessary one nonetheless to make. You could very well have complications down the line, things could spin out of control, but Avery doesn't need the stress of that hanging over her. "I promise you here and now that I'm not going anywhere. Daddy won't let me." 

He laughs a little breathlessly. "Damn straight." 

"But daddy isn't a doctor," Avery says, holding out her arm. 

You walk into Avery's reach, letting her climb from Steve's arms to yours without complaint. "He didn't have time to be a doctor, he was too busy being the best dad ever." 

"Are you flirting with me?" Steve asks. 

"Duh, Stevie." You turn your attention to Avery, struggling to hold her and stroke a hair from her face. "Don't worry about me. Promise me you won't, Ave." 

"I just don't want you to go away," Avery says with a frown. 

Steve feels an unexpected heat behind his eyes. You smile softly, your thumb on Avery's cheek. "Then I won't. I'll stay. I can't go anywhere without you, gorgeous." 

Steve strokes the back of Avery's head. "And I can't be without either of you, so mom doesn't have a choice." 

He wishes things were that simple. Steve has no idea what the future holds, but he chooses to believe it'll be a good one, where every one of his girls gets to grow old. But the future isn't something he can predict nor change by wishing alone. 

"Did that make much sense to you, sweetheart?" you ask Avery.

"It makes sense. Sorry." 

You and Steve make twin sounds of loving disbelief. 

"Sorry for what?" you ask, as Steve says, "No, God, don't be sorry!" 

"It's okay to ask me stuff," you say.

"That's what we're here for." 

Avery wraps her arms around your neck. "Are you sure you'll be okay?" she whispers, near imperceptibly, Steve's ears straining to hear her under the sounds of the water heater and the television. 

"I'm sure. I've done it three times already."

"Are you scared?" 

You shake your head resolutely. "No. You know why?" 

"Why?" 

"'Cos I know, at the end of it I might get another little girl who's just like you. Or like Beth, or Dove. Maybe I'll get one who's nothing like any of you, but I know with such a great big sister she's going to be amazing." 

Avery rests her cheek on your shoulder. "You think so?" 

"I know so." 

"Thank you," she says. 

You laugh again. "For what?" you ask, nails raking up and down the length of her back. "Only telling you what's true. Me and daddy think you're the bestest." 

Steve rubs his face with both hands rather than cry. Crying makes his eyes sore and he has to wake up at six AM tomorrow to take the girls to swimming lessons at seven thirty. (He also doesn't want Avery to see him crying and get the wrong idea, what with the previous conversation.) 

"Mom?" Bethie asks in the doorway. 

"Yes?" you murmur, resting your head atop Avery's gently. 

"Excuse me." 

You laugh a charmed laugh and scoot out of the way, resting your weight on the door jam. Bethie looks incredibly small idling at his feet, even though Dove is much smaller. She smiles nervously. 

"Daddy?" 

"Yes?" he asks, crossing his arms over his chest. He pretends to be nonchalant, while inside he's thinking about lots of things. Avery's huge heart and all her worries. Bethie's emerging cheekiness after years of quiet. Dove's roaring giggle when you squeeze her just right. And you, your bump, your devotion to him and the girls, but more than that —your voice and how you talk with all the good you possess. How you're talking now to Avery in dulcet tones. 

Bethie takes his hand. "Can I have the rest of my mac and cheese, please?" 

"Yeah, babe. Unless you want dessert instead?" 

His hand sways in her grip. "I want mac and cheese if that's okay." 

Steve picks her up with a typical dad groan. He'll check on Dove first, but he has no qualms with warming her mac and cheese. He'd offer to make you another helping if you weren't distracted entirely, nose bridge nuzzling into Avery's neck. 

He doesn't know what the future holds, but he hopes for more of this. 

[just-4-thought]

Cw: abortion, miscarriage, and politics

Pregnancy and healthcare surrounding pregnancy is a politically charged conversation right now and sometimes that can make it hard to see some of the realities that pregnant people face.

According to the CDC, between 2018 and 2021 the maternal mortality rate nearly doubled in the general population and in all categories from age to race included in the data.

78% of maternal mortalities happen on or after the day of delivery. And pay attention here, 53%, which is the highest percentage of maternal mortalities, happens between 1 week and 1 year after delivery. Meaning the danger only increases after birth.

It is getting more dangerous to be pregnant in America.

As a new mom who is currently pregnant, I am surrounded by other new and pregnant moms. We sit and talk about our stories like war veterans and I have found myself growing in concern at the number of women who had complications that put themselves and/or their baby at risk. In fact, of my friends I can think of one who had no complications and we are talking people whose ages range from 21-34 at the time of birth. Ironically, the one person who had no complications does not want to have another child because she realizes how lucky she got. Uterine rupture, hemorrhaging, severe infection, preclampsia, internal bleeding, hyperemesis gravidarum, ectopic...it goes on. I'm also surprised by women who will say they had uncomplicated births and then you get to talking to them and they hemorrhaged for a month without anyone believing them or their blood pressure got so high the doctor's had to put them on bed rest and try to monitor until they couldn't delay any longer for concern about long term organ damage. Even the women who had complications that were not life-threatening have been left with disabilities no longer able to run or move their body in ways they previously could.

The dangers of childbirth are consistently dismissed and downplayed even amongst people who've experienced them. Sometimes especially amongst people who've experienced them. My guess is that external pressures and "mommy guilt" play a role in making these dangerous and physically altering experiences seem like no-big-deal. A lot of people paint afab bodies as miraculous for the ability to bear children and there is truth to that but the reality is that there will be constant conflict between the baby and the pregnant person as they fight for space and nutrients and both with be put in danger.

I say all this as a woman on my 3rd pregnancy. A pregnancy that I fought very hard for. Prior to this pregnancy, I have had two life-threatening pregnancies and one of them resulted in my daughter. My daughter who makes me sound like a cliche, like a my heart is outside of my body walking around in a toddler, and I go to bed exhausted but with a huge smile on my face because of her and I cannot wait for the next day when I get to hold her and spend time with her again. My mind is always with her, there isn't a moment of her life that she hasn't been loved fiercely. But my love for her and my willingness to die for her is a choice I made and in making that choice my experience included needing a transfusion due to blood loss from a c-section and internal bleeding a month after the fact. My recovery is ongoing. The trauma will never leave. And if given the choice I would do it all again --and worse-- for her.

I decided even after hearing all my friends and acquaintances talk about their life-threatening stories and experiencing my own that I would be brave and face my fears to give my daughter someone to walk through life with and be there with her when she's my mom's age and I am long gone. And make no mistake, I am afraid. There are a lot of potential bad outcomes. And my/our decision has already led to one.

My second life-threatening pregnancy was an ectopic. And I find the word "dismissed" almost too gentle. I wasn't just dismissed, I was laughed at by my medical care team for suggesting that an excruciating pain presenting in my lower back was an ectopic. It would be weeks before I would get care. I also sat in the hospital waiting care after an ultrasound confirmed that I had no viable pregnancy because the staff had additional concerns related to abortion laws. In the end, abortion laws delayed my care by several hours, but dismissing and downplaying women's health issues delayed my care by several weeks. Even more, the research about ectopic pregnancies, which impacts 1-3% of pregnancies, is limited which increased my risk going into my third pregnancy. The limited research is likely also connected to the downplaying of these issues.

The reality is childbirth is getting more dangerous, most of the danger happens late in pregnancy and into postpartum. I have personally witnessed abortion laws delay care and increase risk in a post-roevwade world.

Any real conversation about "women's health" not just bad-faith lip service, has to start with the women it claims to address. In a world where the politics of good Ole sexism endanger pregnant people daily, I don't know if the politics of abortion could possibly be trusted at any level to truly protect these people. Pro-life sounds righteous in theory and I can see why the term resonates with people. But in the context of women's health issues, a pro-life stance does not truly exist. With the often unspoken and growing dangers that pregnant and post-partum people face, terms like pro-life become a fantasy. Make no mistake a "pro-life" stance will kill people and-- I guess-- we live in a world where you get to decide if you want to be responsible for those deaths.

[marlowethelibrarian]

Okay with enough writing and editing and cannibalizing my first draft, I have hit a word count of 6301 words!!

Definitely would not have gotten this far if i wasn't already working off of a base but fuck it, it counts.

Posting a snippet! New Prologue in the works! cw: childbirth and maternal mortality

And the Great Mother Esae heaved, her voice to the heavens, her earthen hands moved to the mound of her belly, her throat a column of pain.

The pressure built and built as the babes wrested themselves free from their mother and burst from her belly in an explosion of flaming afterbirth and boiling blood, rending their mother asunder with their elder siblings, the sun and the moon, and their fathers, the sea and the sky, to stand witness to the birth of the twins, Suyo and Napeki. “What have you done?” murmured Ikije, the moon, as she swaddled the green eyed babe that was Suyo. “You must set it right,” said Sapi the Sun, as she stroked the flaming hair of Napeki. And so the twins, united in grief and guilt, set about returning life to the body of their mother. Suyo, the older, wept salt rivers on the Great Mother’s womb, seeding lichen and mushrooms beneath her footfalls, and raised the cloud forests on the mountain of her belly and the mangroves on the shores of her feet. Napeki, the younger, took her sister’s creations and brewed new life in her cauldron, birds and beasts leaping from her iron pot. And so the twins created the world anew but the Great Mother never stirred again.

[axarmae]

Lore Dump #1: Kimora

CW: Mentions of forced sterilization, and mentions of death due to the government not caring

Kimora is a planet that is divided into two sections; there is the upper section called the "Bubble" where the rich live and the lower section which is the mines and slums. The air quality on the planet is horrible because of the mines and processing plants all over the planet. The planet itself is unstable because of all the mining that goes on deep into the planet's crust.

The Bubble

The nobles of the bubble profit off of the mines by selling rare purple gems (name in the works) to the Empire which covets said gems

The gems were mined by exploiting the poor people of the lower section

The nobles wear bubble-like helmets over their heads to keep the purple smog out of their lungs, so they do not get purple lung (think black lung because of coal, but instead it is purple because of all the dust that gets kicked up because of the mines and planet quakes)

The nobles live lavish lifestyles without a care in the world

The Mines

Almost everyone either works in the mines or factories

Working in the mines is more dangerous, however, it pays better and is less competitive than getting a job in the factories

People spend hours in the tunnels which are barely tall enough for the average adult human to stand in

The Slums

After the destruction of Earth, Kimora was flooded with countless refugees

Most refugees were handed over to the Empire; the rest were forced to keep their heads down

The slums are overcrowded; disease and purple lung run rampant

The lower sections of Kimora have one of the largest variety of species, which leads to a lot of inter-species breeding. Kimora has a pretty bad overpopulation issue in the lower section. This led the noble governing body to decide to sterilize large groups of species (really it is because they did not want to have to care for their citizens---for control). Because of all the inter-species breeding some of their offspring ended up being infertile anyways.

The death rates on Kimora are high. High infant mortality. High maternity mortality. High worker mortality. People die every day due to not being able to feed themselves, poor working conditions, etc. Purple lung is a major factor. While working in the mines it is recommended for people to wear ventilators. The issue with the ventilators is that they slow you down while you work. Which leads to a lower yield, which means less money to feed you and your family. So some people decide to forgo the ventilators which has a heightened risk of developing purple lung.

[countryconditionswithshiro]

Human Rights Watch, El Salvador: Court Hears Case on Total Abortion Ban (03/23/2023)

CW: human rights violations/sexual assault/gang violence

In “the case of Beatriz, who was denied an abortion by El Salvador despite her high-risk pregnancy… The Medical Committee of El Salvador’s national maternity hospital recommended terminating the pregnancy. But in El Salvador, abortion is illegal in all circumstances.” Ultimately, “Beatriz underwent an emergency C-section. The anencephalic fetus died five hours later.”

“El Salvador continues to criminalize abortion in all circumstances. Women have been convicted of homicide for having an abortion, sometimes with sentences up to 40 years in prison. In some cases, having a miscarriage or stillbirth was used as evidence to convict them.”

“Access to safe and legal abortion protects autonomy and reduces maternal mortality and morbidity.” “Authoritative interpretations of international human rights law establish that denying women, girls, and other pregnant people access to abortion is a form of discrimination and jeopardizes a range of human rights. These include the rights to life and to be free from torture and other cruel, inhuman and degrading treatment; liberty; health and information; privacy and bodily autonomy and integrity…”

[cicadabooks]

Still thinking about one of my classmates shortly after the 2016 elections. This was grad school, he was a grown-ass man, and he was saying to someone else, "well, at least Hillary wasn't elected".

I lost it a little and yelled at him, "People are going to die! In WAVES, huge number of people are going to die, because of Trump! People who wouldn't die, if Hillary Clinton was elected! And you sit there going on about 'oh at least Hillary wasn't elected'!"

No, in 2016 I didn't know about 2020 and COVID and everything. But I know what happens to minorities under Republican rule, I've looked at maps of maternal mortality rates under Republican government, I've read about people most affected by climate change and environmental de-regulations, etc etc.

(cw: suicide) And in 2016, in the days following the election, I was in queer groups where people were begging other members to keep being alive, because some queer and trans people were looking at the next four years and deciding they couldn't live through what was going to happen to them. Sp when that classmate uttered that statement, I'd already watched the first, immediate wave of causalities take place.

I wonder if that classmate remembered what I said, during 2020. (He probably didn't, but wishful thinking. Also... Thinking back, I guess the classmate must have voted 3rd party or not at all, by his phrasing?)

And I had friends, too, who refused to vote in 2016 or even in 2020, like one person was bragging on Twitter about how she "didn't vote for either fascist". I mean.... among other things, I wanted the pandemic to get better, which wasn't going to happen under Trump, so yeah I voted for Biden. I wanted to vote on local level issues, because otherwise the well-voting conservative crowd controls those issues. Republicans would be very happy to know that my lefty friends didn't vote. Those lefty friends were doing the right wing party's work for them, by not voting.

I understand how important it is to be able to criticize the President, and am not at all of the belief he should be beyond critique, but the critiquing of Biden makes me so nervous. (That's not to say I agree with every decision he's made - I absolutely do not). But I feel like people see things he's done wrong and decide they won't vote for him because of it. I'm not sure if enough people have the ability to see that he's done things wrong but also is our only hope of staving off literal fascism.

So many people talk about how sick they are of it constantly being a lesser of two evils situation, constantly having to vote for a candidate they hate because the other side is worse (I heard it in 2020, 2022, etc), and I guess I just- I don't really get it? We're here because they didn't do that in 2016. All of this could've been avoided had the result been different then. I just feel like people don't comprehend how different of a place we'd be in if Hillary won and engage in all this cognitive dissonance to make themselves feel better about being part of the reason she didn't.

Like.... this has been a long-running topic of discussion on my blog, not least because it is so inexplicable and maddening. It also shows how terribly shallow most people's understanding of the American political process is, and how toxic the "I can only vote for a candidate if every single personal belief/position of theirs matches mine" belief is, as well as how much damage it has done to American democracy even (and indeed, especially) by people who technically don't identify as right-wing. Yell at Republicans all you like (God knows I do, because they're the worst people on earth) but they vote. Every time. Every election. Every candidate. Whereas the Democratic electorate still holds out for Mister Perfect, and it very definitely is Mister Perfect. The amount of "evil HRC!!!" Republican-poisoned Kool-Aid that so-called progressives drank in 2016, and then afterward when they insisted they could have voted for someone like Elizabeth Warren and then didn't do that in 2020, is... baffing.

Frankly, I don't care if Hillary Clinton's personal positions on XYZ issue were the most Neoliberal Corporate Centrist Shill to Ever Shill (and Online Leftists' intellectual skills being what they are, I seriously doubt that they were using any of those words correctly and/or accurately). American policy is not made by "personal dictate of the ruler," or at least it shouldn't be, because we are not an absolute monarchy. We rely on the operation of a system with input from many people. As such, if Hillary had been elected, we would have 2-3 new liberal justices on SCOTUS and have secured civil and environmental rights for the next generation. Roe would be intact, and all the other terrible rulings that SCOTUS has recently handed down wouldn't have happened. We wouldn't have had January 6th, the attempt to stage a coup, all the tawdry scandals, our national security being at risk because of Trump stealing classified documents and probably selling them to Russia and/or Saudi Arabia, etc etc. If you think that's in any way an equivalent amount of evil to what would have happened if Hillary was elected, or if she was "still evil!!!," then I honestly don't know what to tell you. She could fucking murder puppies in her spare time if she had preserved SCOTUS for us, WHICH SHE WOULD HAVE, BECAUSE SHE WARNED US EXACTLY WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN.

(Hoo. Sorry. Still steamed. 2016 war flashbacks, again.)

In short, Hillary would have been a solid continuity Democrat and she would have signed whatever legislation a Democratic House and Senate passed, not to mention been hugely inspiring as the first female president. But because it's so important to the Online Leftists' moral sense of themselves that BOTH PARTIES ARE THE SAME!!!, they can't possibly acknowledge that ever being a factor, and/or admit that they have any culpability in not voting for her in 2016. It's like when you read the British press about any of the UK's equally numerous problems, and they BEND OVER BACKWARD to avoid mentioning that Brexit might be a factor. They just can't mention it, because then that means they might have made the wrong choice in pulling for it as hard as they did, and blah blah Sovereignty.

Basically, if HRC had been elected president, everything would be so much less terrible and terrifying all the time, we would be talking about her successor in 2024 as someone else who could be the "first," we could explore handing the reins over to Kamala as a Black/Asian woman, we could promote Buttigieg as the first gay president, etc etc. But because 2016 was so catastrophically fucked up, we are in damage control mode for the immediate future and every election is just as pivotal. And yet, because people think that the only thing that matters is a presidential candidate's personal views, we're stuck having the same old arguments and desperately begging people over and over to please vote against fascism, since that somehow isn't self-evident enough on its own. Yikes on Bikes.

[thashining]

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A post shared by Joy-Ann Reid (@joyannreid)

The number of women in Texas who died while pregnant, during labor or soon after childbirth skyrocketed following the GOP’s 2021 ban on abortion care — far outpacing a slower rise in maternal mortality across the nation, a new investigation of federal public health data finds.

Read more here: https://bit.ly/4ed8FZM

[reasonsforhope]

“When lawmakers in the West African nation of Benin met last year to consider whether to legalize abortion, they heard shocking testimony from Dr. Véronique Tognifode, the country’s minister of social affairs, about what she had seen during her years working as a gynecologist...

The death toll was unacceptably high, she told them: One in five maternal deaths in Benin resulted from unsafe abortions, according to the government — more than twice the average on the African continent, which is the most unsafe region in the world to terminate a pregnancy.

“Young women and girls are getting abortions one way or another, and those ways are unthinkable,” said Dr. Tognifode, who is one of three gynecologists serving as senior officials in Benin’s government. “We can’t live with what we see in hospitals.”

A year after that testimony, Benin, with a population of 12 million, mostly Christians and Muslims, has become one of the few countries in Africa where abortion is broadly available.

Legislators voted in October 2021 to decriminalize abortion under most circumstances, allowing it when a pregnancy is likely to cause a woman “material, educational, professional or moral distress.” Previously, abortion was allowed only in cases of rape, incest or fetal abnormalities, or if the mother’s life was at risk.” -via The New York Times, 11/13/22

[hollowwhisperings]

on historical context, medieval europe vs westeros:

GRRM cites the War Of The Roses and several Tudor-era figures as being inspirational for his Westeros, a semi-medieval fantasy europe. inspiration does not require accuracy but historical "fact" oft used as justification for Certain Things. sadly, commonly believed history is seldom representative of historic fact & historic fact is ever being relearned: as more sources are discovered and taken into account, our understanding of history grows, better knowing how history was LIVED rather than how these histories were written down.

so let's look at how GRRM's Westeros fares in historic context as opposed to historic "fact".

CW: potential spoilers for ASOIAF, reference to dubcon & no con, reference to child brides, brief references to historic christianity.

first off, one of GRRM's named inspirations for Westeros &, specifically, the War of the Five Kings, is the "War of the Roses". This conflict was 30-ish years of civil war in 15th century england, ending with the establishment of the Tudor Dynasty: the most famous Tudors were its last two monarchs, Henry VIII & Elizabeth I (his 2nd daughter by his 2nd wife, Anne Boleyn). The Tudors ruled England from the late 15th century 'til the start of the 17th century, having 5 monarchs in total.

my post prior to this was a reblog regarding the character Juliet Capulet from Shakespeare's "Romeo & Juliet", specifically her age (~14) and how understanding her age, in the context of 16th century europe, is the basis of the entire play: the play was written & performed as a tragedy and the context is greatly lost when translating the work through 500 years of retellings, societal shift, and linguistic difference. Shakespeare's plays were written in the 16th century, during the reign of Elizabeth I, and were hugely popular in that time: thusly it can be intuited that the average 16th century londoner found plays like Romeo & Juliet to reflect the morals, opinions and issues relevant to themselves and their society as a whole.

so. Juliet was the tragic heroine of Romeo & Juliet: she was 14. i will edit in a link to the post i'm referencing (which contextualizes how medieval europe viewed consent, marriage, and un/healthy maternity).

link: https://at.tumblr.com/hollowwhisperings/concerning-juliets-age/ybxrn3dtaesf

in Westeros, betrothing children from birth is not uncommon: marriage, however, is generally held off until both parties come of age. the exceptions to this exist almost entirely amongst the highborn (give or take a Tysha) and are considered Scandalous (unless you're a Targaryen or a ruthless politician). rather than medieval england or europe, the morality & maturity of the characters in ASOIAF reflect or are contrasted with the modern West (the english speaking populaces of North America, western europe, and Commonwealth countries): in Westeros, a female's consent is an afterthought or is left entirely unconsidered in a marriage. this is hugely contradictory to both catholic & tudor views on marriage, wherein female consent was considered both spiritually and medically important: marriage was a sacred institution and the good health of a wife was an important consideration. it was (& remains) the case that females who had reached maturity had fewer difficulties during their pregnancies and had healthier children; in a time of high infant mortality, it was found that children were more likely to survive infancy if they had a living mother to support them. since the endurance of a family relied on legitimate children having legitimate children, it was thusly logical to ensure that any wife was healthy & content during her marriage.

meanwhile in Westeros, girls and mature women of the noble houses (most especially & egregiously in the royal family) are consistently pressured into pregnancies (against both modern & medieval medical advice) well before they are physically mature.

there are no POV characters, thus far, in ASOIAF who are lowborn women, few secondary characters of such status & fewer still who have "typical" life experience: Daenerys has no reference for maturity beyond hypotheticals and the varying views of her advisors, living in a context of institutionalized slavery, and is a queen by conquest; Sansa is a political hostage, Arya a runaway; Brienne is a social pariah; Melissandre is a cult leader & sorceress; Cersei married into royalty; Gilly's homelife would be considered universally horrific by every society thus encountered (Free Folk, Northerners, Southron folk, Dornish, and the Dothraki would all condemn/execute Craster: it is likely that even the most traditional Ironborn would consider Craster a monster).

There are several girls (and a few boys) who are wed while very young during the ASOIAF series itself: Daenerys Stormborn (13) to Khal Drogo ("young"), 1 child born premature & stillborn; Sansa Stark (~12) to Tyrion Lannister (~27), unconsumated; Ermesande Hayford (2) to Tyrek Lannister (~14), unconsumated; Tommen I (~8) to Margaery Tyrell (~16), unconsumated; Jeyne Pool (~14) to Ramsay Bolton (~18). all these marriages were politically inspired, scandalous and genuinely dangerous (albeit unexpectedly in the case of Lady Hayford: the disappearance of her husband has proven her to be resilient and firm on the subject of naptimes).

prior to ASOIAF, there are the weddings of Rhaella Targaryen (~12) to Aerys II (~14), Tysha (13) to Tyrion Lannister (13), and of Lysa Tully (~17) to Jon Arryn (~72). both Rhaella & Lysa had traumatic, premature pregnancies and chronic health issues, reproductive & otherwise. of Tysha we can only assume that, if she survived at all, she likely suffered great & permanent injury to her person.

(i will note that, at the time of Lysa Arryn's becoming pregnant by him in 282 AC, Petyr Baelish was both 14 and very drunk)

There is a consistent disregard for female consent in Westeros, attitudes more reflective of modern societies & expectations than those of medieval europe. That said, it is also true that House Targaryen's marriage practices seem referential to similar practices in Ancient Egypt. I am as yet unfamiliar with the many thousands of years of [Dynastic Egypt] save its very last, the Ptolemaic. The Ptolemys were consistently incestuous though the extent is difficult to ascertain due to the lack of surviving records, multiple wars civil & otherwise likely affecting which records did & did not survive, the likely practice of adopting children of one's spouse [to claim credit?/legitimize the most promising?/?i'm guessing based on imperial china which was contemporary but far removed & kept its incest scandals between step-relatives, i need to do more research]... i am similarly lacking in knowing Roman history (though it, at least, consists of a much shorter time span to read up on than the millennias of imperial China or dynastic Egypt) but its mythology is as incestuous as that of the more popular pantheons throughout Egypt's ancient period, if not more so due to the frequent infidelity of Greco-Roman deities versus their decidedly monogamous Egyptian neighbours. It will be Interesting to compare House Targaryen to the Ptolemaic Dynasty, especially given the easy parallels to be found between Daenerys Stormborn and Cleopatra VII. There is much tinfoil possible in finding any similarities or allusions to Elizabeth I & her sister, Mary I ("queen of scots" in name, largely french in practice), their written histories potentially foreshadowing the fates of Daenerys and Young Griff (or Jon Snow).

This post ran away with its premise rather quickly but hopefully it has provided room for thought & critique. If I disappear before posting a compilation post on the Life Expectancies of Targaryen Kings, assume i have gotten stuck in a family tree somewhere in the centuries BC.