#this post has no point i just felt like rambling because im freaking out about made up guys in my mind again

[lara60]

thinking about OCs moodboard

[peachy-wolfhard]

dating yuta okkotsu

a/n: wowzers more than one post a year??? also HAPPY BDAY YUTA LUB U BABYBOY

Warnings: swearing, sims death, yuta gets elbowed accidentally, a little angst

Word Count: 823

My literal bf

He's so in love

Heart eyes whenever someone even slightly mentions you

Yuta will be talking to someone and if they slightly mention something you like he starts rambling about how amazing you are and how much he loves you while blushing and borderline giggling and kicking his feet

He's so sticky too like anything you do he's right there like a shadow

Yuta is also really quiet when he is being your shadow so 99% of the time he ends up scaring you when you turn around 

One time after a mission, you're nerves were still on edge and Yuta just happened to walk behind you and ended up getting an elbow to the eye (Rika beat ur ass sorry)

Yuta isn't that big of a gamer himself but he LOVES to watch you play the sims, especially if you made you and him

Speaking of the Sims ! Whenever Yuta is away for missions you always update him about what's going on

hi yu! Update ab our sims…OUR SON DIED HE DIED IN A FIRE IM SO SAD!!!!!! BUT ITS OK WE CAN MAKE A NEW ONE ;) wink wink anyway we moved to a farm and ITS HAUNTED. ok bye bye baby ilysm MWAH

VOICE MESSAGES!! Yuta can't get enough of them he loves sending them to you and he loves when you send them

yuta

“Hi honey, I just saw a really cute cat that reminded me of you. I swear it looked almost one hundred percent like you, not even joking…ok i gotta go bye i love you!”

Facetimes are another thing that is pretty regular. Its either you walking around campus showing him to all your friends or him show you around wherever he is

“Yuta, look at these freaks. They’re going crazy without you here…me too honestly”

“I know I'm losing my mind not being around you guys but especially you.”

Another thing he loves is sending random pictures to each other

*picture of yuta being cute* 

y/n

OMG IM SOBBING MWAH MWAH IM GONNA EAT U I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND

*picture of you doing something*

yuta

Cries sobs screams throws up I MISS UUUUUUUUUU <333333 :333

ONE LAST THING

Yuta barely uses emojis, he's an emoticon boy :3

He always brings you presents back from wherever they send him

There's always a big dramatic reunion when he returns. Running into each other's arms, fake loud crying, one of you carrying the other (translation: you carrying Yuta) …the works

Nights after he gets home are very chill. Ordering take out and watching reality tv while just enjoying each other's company. Ending the night by cuddling each other to sleep

Yuta has a note in his notes app of EVERYTHING you like and dislike

Everytime you slightly mention something you like or dislike he makes a mental note to write it down

Even if he doesn't write something down, he memorized it. Remembers what kind of candy you like, what your favorite flowers are, your orders from take out and restaurants

While your guys relationship is lovely and amazing it does get hard sometimes with Yuta always being gone and you having missions and school

Going days without hearing from the other because the two of you are so stressed and busy then having to update each other all at once in one message then repeating the process

Trying to facetime each other but when he's in an entirely different timezone it's hard. You'll be almost asleep and his day is just starting

After a while it started to get to you, that your boyfriend was away for so long, you weren't able to see him, and when you were you had to prepare for him to leave just a few weeks after

Even though you were surrounded by your friends and teachers that love you, you felt so lonely

Finally you talked to him about it, about how all his traveling made you feel so alone and he agreed with you. That he too felt so alone (because most of the time he was) and that he just wanted to stay home for at least a year

Loves snuggling with you but only in private (Maki beat his ass)

Holds you so close at night to the point it feels like he's trying to get into your skin

Seems like the type to either wear minimal clothes to bed or pajama sets, no in between

Kicks the blankets off then curls up to you when he inevitably gets cold

Yes he's very sweet but he still likes to mess with you ESPECIALLY at night

His favorite thing to do is putting his cold hands or feet on you and asking “are my feet/hands cold”

ONE LAST THING

He 100% gets you guys those Lego roses so you can build them together

Overall he very much loves you and cant get enough of you

[layraket]

okay finally the most waited post (of mine (maybe)) since yesterday!!! me rambling in a weird/deep way!!!!

first of all we start strong

the Wolfie thing was something that i've been wondering when will be adressed, and when i read the word "wolf" i got nuts

I felt weird here cuz Four just mentioned Time and himself??? im crackling at Leg's face "my guy you forgot someone" now thinking better abt it Legend didn't tell anyone abt the bunny thing appart of Twi and Sky, so it makes sense they not knowing he already found out

It makes sense that he didn't wanted to show his wolf form to them at the start, he can't just go "hey guys look i can turn into a wolf *cool shadow transformation* AUUUUUUUUUU-" and not freak them out.

and i find a little amusing Wind wanting a confirmation, he wants to make sure that now there's not fractures between each other's trust. They still got their secrets, yeah, but he still wanted to at least hear that theyre cool about this one

Twi almost died, and the only reason that he's still breathing is because of them, obviously he will trust them now.

my poor guy has been working so hard, being the emotional support dog in the group together with big brother duty is exhausting

still makes me laugh that nobody really made 2+2 and realised that it was a little suspicious that every time Wolfie was there Twi was patrolling. They really share the name Link huh

Wolves are beautiful but dangerous animals, they are strong and usually agressive to invasors, makes sense to hide something that makes people run away from you. You might be able to defend them, but they will only pay back with scared glances

ohhh i would really love to see this! Wild already knew Twilight, well, future Twilight. He saw the giant dog wandering around and thought "hey i know him thats the strange wolf! hey hiii buddyyy" this guy really

love them trying to explain time shenanigans. keep it up buddy. you know basic math you can do this.

the rest of them talking abt the wolf thing while here my man fighting with the gps

Wild you already established your point calm down

Something that i and a lot of people noticed: Wars seems more relaxed, the past updates he was at the verge of screaming at the void. Now here he is, bothering his brother. Happy Warriors is back!

See the only thing he needed was his emotional support scarf back

if i had a coin every time a character hide their true identity in the zelda series i would have 16 coins, which is a lot considering that i thought it would be just 5 or 6 times what the hell

oh i know that look. He has already an idea of what wars menat with that, he has already experienced the same situation

Four doesn't fully approve the use of shadow magic yet. He remembers someone that because of that lost himself in the power. What if this happends too with Twi? How will they handle that situation? His mind is already too noisy just with thinking it a little

He hopes they will not have to confront the consecuences of dark magic's abuse

i remember that someone said Wolfie looks weaker, and honestly i agree

im not sure if this is the case, but if it is i wouldn't be surprised. He looks thinner, his fur more tangled and less flat

Still fluffy boy, tho

AND NOW. the panels that made me laugh for some weird reason/i liked a lot without any comments of why

art at its peak as always

(art credits goes towards @linkeduniverse as always!)

[lavendernlilac]

I like to think that after the first time Scar dissociates during a shoot, and after he and Grian talk about why it happened + what helped, she informs Skizz, Mumbo, and Iskall on how to calm him down a bit more if she is unable to get to him at the moment for whatever reason. She doesn’t tell them why he freaks out, just general triggers so they can be aware(this is what Scar asked her to say). She knows she can trust the three to not say anything about it until Scar does after all.

The three already kind of know how to help Grian, as they’ve been with her since the start, but after seeing Scar help her in the interview, they ask him for a couple tips on how to help better just in case he absolutely cannot reach her. They manage to build a pretty decent support system for everyone involved by doing this. :)

Maybe that’s why Skizz gets her the bodypillow, it’s a half joke and mostly a comfort item for patrol nights. I like to think Scar leaves his clothes or a spare cologne bottle so Grian can apply it to the pillow when she needs extra comfort.

Loved your essay btw(and the mildly threatening warning /j /silly) they make me so soft <3

-bodypillow anon

GOOD IM GLAD YOU LIKED THE ESSAY JGKFHDGHFJK I get many a great joys out of being mildly threatening /silly <333 I have way too many emotions for an au that started as pure smut WHEEZE

anyways!

they are !!!! a family unit your honor !!!! this is totally unrelated to the ask but I was thinking yesterday about adding more characters to the au (like pearl and jim, joel, impulse, etc etc) but that'll be me braining in a separate post me thinks

there's something about like... mumbo, iskall, and skizz seeing scar like that and they don't have to know the cause, but it's very... humanizing. even hotguy has his own fears and anxieties, and they all get so wrapped up in what hotguy has done, what he can do as a superhero, that it's easy to forget. hotguy has always felt so far away from them, despite always being around grian, but it's after that moment that the distance feels reachable

grian sits down with the three of them, letting them know for the future and making them all promise to keep an eye on hotguy if she can't. if he gets like that again, make sure he isn't alone, if he doesn't answer just stay with him until he does-- cue mumbo, iskall, and skizz all side eyeing each other, because the way grian is talking, she sounds like she's in love with him (they don't know they're dating still, but mumbo and iskall have an ongoing bet on when she and hotguy will get together. skizz has a suspicion they're already together)

I think mumbo (because it has to be mumbo) later approaches scar and asks if there's anything more they can do for him. they're already incredibly mindful with grian, and well. it may sound cheesy to say, but hotguy is a part of their little ragtag crew now too, which means he's family. and maybe that's weird to say a superhero is a part of his family and he really hopes he's not crossing any unspoken boundaries and he's really just rambling now

scar's sitting there, getting all emotional on mumbo because he's... been alone for a very long time. sure, cub is his best friend, and bdubs is his manager, and they've been with him for years. bdubs helped scar get his footing in modeling and cub is the reason why being hotguy is even possible (doc helps a bit when he can as well) but scar has tried to hide so much from them. it's kind of impossible to hide anything from cub so that doesn't work much but outside of that he would just bottle everything up. push it away and move on

he's cutting off mumbo's rambling with a big hug and mumbo is. very startled by this with his little "o-oh my" before awkwardly patting scar's back

(I think at some point, after they learn scar's identity (because they do, smiles. and what a fun little plot point that is), scar tells them his story, what happened)

wahhhh and then the three of them asking scar about grian :((( I think they set up a system if something like that ever happens again during an interview, where they tell scar to do whatever he needs to do to interrupt and take the heat off grian, and they'll a) have his back and b) handle any media response

they don't ask how much scar knows, they don't pry. they do thank him for looking after her. and scar responds like it's the most obvious thing in the world, because there's nothing, no one, who means more to him than grian ;w; (cue the suspicious looks again)

IT ALL COMES BACK TO THE BODYPILLOW WHEEZE--skizz definitely gives it to her as a joke of like "maybe seeing his face around more will make you get along with him" but they both know the unspoken reason for why he gives it to her (even if grian is massively embarrassed. how is she supposed to bring it home, skizz?!)

man.... I have so many thoughts I just wanna endlessly ramble about them

[fantasmafanta]

chipspeech rambles so i dont explode

hi this is prolly gonna be a long post that makes no sense srry i just need to brainrot dump. but most important thing if ur not weird and you like chipspeech PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE dm me here so i can give you my discord or instagram where i am actually active more ahhhhhh.

ok anyway blue robots woohoo. these little bastards have been stuck in my brain for like a month now and its just gotten worse. the cool thing about chipspeech is it like doesnt entirely go with the rest of the vocal synth/vocaloid fanbase but rather than being its own seperate things its like this neat little extension of it in like multiple ways. it not only is just a really cool software that tried a lot of new cool things that we dont really see with like vocaloid and synthv and stuff but it also kinda shows the history of how we got to the point of modern vocal synth software in a cool way! even if you dont dive into it like i have you still get the basic “oh well voder was made in like 1939 and it had to be operated by hand how cool” and like through chipspeech you kinda get to see the evolution of how we got to where we are now and i think that thats really neat. 

but then if youre a nerd like me you get to have a ton of fun diving into all of the history and cool old tech stuff. liking chipspeech has made me find a new interest in old computers/tech/software/videogames do i fully understand how they work? hell no! do i love looking at them and having them explained to me by some dude on youtube? hell yeah!! and like its just so cool to go in and research the machines/softwares that inspired the chipspeech bots because even though its difficult sometimes you get to see these advances made and how each one differs from each other in how it was made, how it was operated, its function, etc. and thats SO. FREAKING. AWESOME. like dude have you seen the video of one of the tests for the votrax?? (the one that bert gotrax is based on) if you havent basically it was made so that people with disabilities so they couldnt talk could have conversations over the phone. they tested it by trying to order a pizza using only the software. it took like 3 tries before someone took them seriously and they got the pizza. and the moment they were like “yeah deliver that to the msu computer center” i got so excited cuz that just felt so badass!! like put yourself in their shoes, its 1974, you’re testing your new speech program, and it finally worked. a room full of people, a camera, a news broadcast (iirc), theyre all watching you struggle to order this pizza and then you finally do it and get to tell them to deliver it at the lab you just proved your intelligence to and fehjvddsujfs i cant explain my thinking but DUDE its just so cooooooolllllll!!!!!!! 

but like yeah i need to rant cuz in one of my lovely friend’s words i need to “GET THESE QUEERS OUT OF MY BRAIN!!” (a silly thing my irl said) also like i love the way the voices sound. like yeah sometimes i have no clue what theyre saying but thats not the point of chipspeech!! like vosim has such a nice buzzy voice and like dee no matter their range just sounds so.... great. i dont even know how to describe it it just makes my brain sooooo happy. like sam to most people would be like static weird... idk man but i loooove the staticky sounds theyre just so neat. but its so hard to find nice chipspeech covers/songs. luckily im starting to find how to discover chipspeech stuff but its still so difficult :(

and like fanart and general fan content toooooo how do i find it?? i think the answer is i dont but that makes me sad. cuz the twitters are no longer active and its never been very popular so it doesnt seem like we get much. and literally the only discord server for chipspeech is run by... not-so-great (from what ive seen/heard) people in the fanbase. even if the main accusations arent true it still seems to be a safe space for proshippers which makes me feel icky sooo. help. 

anyway im not re-reading through this so like sorry its so long and makes no sense i just need to get chipspeech thoughts out. if you like it PLEASE TALK TO ME!!!! im losing my mind ahhh

[insomnicbypasser]

So i would just like to say in advance that i really like all of the kingdom hearts games, but i was only ever able the first game growing up. This led me to experience the games almost purely through other people from then on, praise be to lets players. I was however able to play Kingdom Hearts Union X as it was coming out and let me tell you it was exhilarating.

I had alot of fun with it and it stands as one of the most satisfactory mobile game experiences ive ever had. I can remember going onto youtube everytime a major update came out to see what theorists thoughts were on it. The whole strelitzia mystery was very fun to follow as well and i can remember being so fucking flabbergasted seeing ven and marluxia on the cover art i really wish i could find posts specifically from around that time just to see what people were thinking back them with the hindsight i have now lmao

And then dark road came out. It felt so great to finally get crumbs of young xehanort content and get to see all the wonderful designs of all the side characters in it i love it to death. Barely even getting into the whole Playernort red herring you really had to be there when people were freaking out about xehanort supposedly having the Players memories from union x.

Let me tell you when in kingdom hearts 3 fucking ephemer showed up and the names of the best players of the unions started appearing on screen i legit started screaming and crying. There was something so cathartic at that point it felt like this moment was just for us, the people who adored Khux amd played it to death. All the hours we spent trying to out do each other and doing raids, all the analysis and theory videos. It felt like proof that Khux wasnt just a spin off mobile gatcha game, that all of our work was being acknowledged and that we had successfully carved out our own spot in the kingdom hearts lore that belonged to US.

I can only hope that one day we get another piece like back cover where we get to see the player side of the plot in the key blade war and what came after with data daybreak town. I wanna see my homeboy brain get his justice on 3d god damnit. Also i just want to see more of daybreak town in 3d 🥺

Every time i think about strelitzia being in kh 4 i gain 10 years on my life and will become immortal when i see the true babygirl when it comes out. She is my comfort character and ill be damned if i dont force sora to vecome friends with her because we never got to.

Anyway this rambling has gone on long enough so ill cut this off here but please someone talk to me about your khux experiences im so desperate to talk about this game yall please.

if u saw this before I remade it no u didn't

here's a poll! I'm curious

Personally, my favorites are probably KH2 and BBS, with Days and KH3 also being up there - but i like every game

[boobz-fye]

Comforting them after losing a game

Includes: Oikawa Tooru, Ushijima Wakatoshi, Kageyama Tobio, and Keiji Akaashi x G/N reader.

Warnings: the boys doubting themselves and cursing(I think I only said one bad word in kageyamas but whatever)

Rant: Ok, I feel like this post is actual shit. Like I say that about almost all of my posts- but this one is very bad. The only good one is Ushijimas I think, so I hope I do all of the characters a little justice tho. Also sorry that I haven't been posting much (for like two weeks) I have been very busy, and been dealing with writer's block. I will try and post something else some time next week. Think it's gonna be fluff for MHA tho. Anyways, HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS!!!!!

Oikawa Tooru~

It all happened too fast. He could have sworn that they were just in the lead, ahead of Shiratorizawa by two points. He was so close to beating them. And now what is he going to say to you, or the team? He promised all of you that they will win this only to not fulfill it. Slowly dragging his feet out of the gym, Oikawa starts to feel tears building up in his vision. ‘No you can't cry right now.’ Oikawa thinks as he starts to pick up a pace. Maybe this is all just a bad dream and he will wake up soon.. Yeah that sounds right. He can wake up and have a fresh start of the day, win against Shiratorizawa, then celebrate with his team mates, and to top it all off go over your house and cuddle the whole night.  Oh how lovely that sounds, only if that wasn't another fantasy planted in his head.

Overwhelmed with emotions Oikawa finally comes out of the locker rooms, only to see you sitting on the floor. “What are you still doing here baby?” You look up to see Oikawa putting on a fake smile that makes your heart break. “Come here..” You say rising to a standing position, with your arms open and welcoming. Oikawa doesn't hesitate to wrap his arms around you, and be consumed by your warmth. “You did amazing out there handsome.” Those few words made Oikawa feel butterflies in his stomach. The only thing that could make him feel better were your praises. But he still couldn't help the small ache in his chest, remembering that he promised everyone that they would win this game and make it to nationals. “If I did good then why didn't we win?” He says with a slight crack in his voice, making an ache of your own spread through your chest. “Maybe it was just luck. You were only off by one point, plus if it makes you feel better you'll be able to beat their ass in spring!” A breathy chuckle escaped from Oikawa's mouth, causing a grin to form on your face. “You're right baby, we will beat them in spring.”

Ushijima Wakatoshi~

Ushijima wasn't used to losing. The reality didn't hit him until he heard the opposing teams audience cheer. Looking over to the scoreboard when he hears the whistle being blown, only to see that his team has lost. A bitter taste settles on Ushijima’s tongue. But he is once again pulled out of his thoughts by a hand resting on his shoulder. He turns around to see his team standing behind him with a look of true defeat. “C’mon Ushijima, we have to line up” Tendou says with a tone a little different from his usual cheery one. Not knowing what to say Ushijima just grunts with a small nod.

Walking outside of the gym Ushijima starts to replay the game in his head to try and see where they went wrong, but soon was interrupted by some arms wrapping around him from behind. “Hi bubs.” you say nuzzling your head into his back. “Hello Y/N.”  “Soooo…” you try to think of what to say that will make Ushijima feel better, but it's hard to do so when he can be very blunt at some points and not understand what you are trying to get at. “Yes?” Ushijima says tugging at the sleeve of your jacket to gain your attention back to him. “How are you feeling after the game?” There is a little moment of silence that comes over the two of you causing a slight panic cloud in your mind, because what if he took your question the wrong way- “I don’t know how to feel about losing, I'm upset because we put a lot of effort in that game just to lose. But they won fairly, so I guess that just shows that we weren't good enough.” Ushijima states bluntly. You're kind of taken back by his answer, but notice how his eyes show more emotion than his words. You could tell that he was more than just upset. “Don't say that Ushijima, you guys did amazing out there. You guys were only off by a couple points!” You say as you take Ushijima’s hand into your own. “But still we tried our best and it wasn't enough.” You felt his hands tremble a little in your touch, looking at him with a soft gaze you say “I'm sorry bub, you will get them next time though, I know you will because you are good enough.” Ushijima nods and mumbles a thank you, while gently squeezing your hand. It's times like this, when Ushijima shows you his vulnerable side, that you hold dear to your heart.

Kageyama Tobio~

Kageyama dreaded feeling the pain in his chest after losing a game. He would never get used to it, and doesn't really care enough too anyways. Maybe if he didn't send the ball to Hinata, knowing that the idiot will just close his eyes, then they could have won. But even then Oikawa’s tricky serves would still be a pain to work around. Not to mention how fast the whole team learns their opponents weaknesses. Kageyama had gotten so lost in his thoughts that he forgot he had to meet up with you at a cafe in 6 mins. Today seems to just get worse and worse by the second and he doesn't know if he will be able to keep himself together for much longer.

You hear the bell on the cafe door ring, causing you to turn around and see that all too familiar face. Kageyama walks over to you and takes his seat. Only when he finally looks up you notice that he is panting. “Did you run all the way here kags?” “Yeah, would have been late if I didn't.” Kageyama never liked being late to anything that has to do with you, it makes him feel guilty, and he doesn't want to add upsetting you to the list of shitty things that have happened today. “I'm ok with you being a little late baby, especially when you just got back from your game…” Kageyeama drops his gaze back down to the table remembering that was the first game you got to see him play in just for them to lose, how embarrassing- “Sorry, I didn't mean to bring it up.” you say rubbing the back of your neck. “It's ok….”  “Look at the menu and pick what you want, it's on me!” Kageyama shoots his head up and stares at you with wide eyes “Idiot im not letting you pay.” He mumbles while a blush spreads across his face. “Aww c'mon babe I can pay, let me get you some comfort food!” “Comfort food?” “Yeah food always helps me with stress” Before Kageyama could think over his next words, his mouth and brain betrayed him. “I think cuddles would make me feel better.” Both of you are taken back by his words, Kageyama was always so stubborn, forcing you to pick up hints from his behavior and piece them together to know what he wants. But you don't mind the forwardness; it helps you get straight to the point. Kageyama on the other hand is freaking out, he doesn't know if he was being too blunt or not, and your silence is not helping. “Never mind… forget what I said” “Whattttt, that sucks cause I was going to say yes but since you insist.” “Shut up, we can head over to mine after eating, the meal that I will be paying for, and cuddle. Now pick what you want already I don't have all day.” “Sir yes sir!” You say with a salute. “Dont do that you look dumb” Kageyama says, while trying to supress a grin. “You're so meannnnn” You whine with a pout. Even though Kageyama is teasing you the only thing you seem to be able to focus on is the way he starts to let loose and laugh around you. And when you look into his eyes all you see is love, not a trace of sorrow.

Akaashi Keiji~

It's only been a few minutes since the tragic game has ended and akaashi is already past the limit of stress he can handle. From the fact that they actually lost a game, while also trying to encourage the team and tell them that they will do better next time, and also trying to help bokuto get out of emo mode akaashi was starting to get a headache and wanted to just go home to sulk and attempt to relax. So once when he gets out of the shower akaashi throws on some clothes and runs out the locker room to the front gate. Not expecting you to be there waiting for him.

As Akaashi approaches the front gate he sees you standing there alone. “Y/N, what are you doing here? It's getting late.” “I know, I just wanted to check up on you” Akaashi looks into your worried eyes, causing him to feel a little guilt. Is he the cause of the expression on your face? “Oh well then can I walk you home?” You nod in approval, letting him take your hand and lead the way. A comfortable silence takes over the two of you, but you still can't help but feel like something is still off about Akaashi today, and none of his fake smiles and replies will put this thought at ease. “Hey Akaashi?” “Yes?” you stay silent for a little trying to think of the right words to say. “You know you guys did amazing at the game today right?” Akaashi hums in response, as the hold on your hand becomes a little shaky. “Good, because it's the truth. Just don't beat yourself up about it, you're great at what you do. Even though you guys didn't win I know you are still deserving of it. The only reason your opponents had a chance, was because of the chance balls. Plus you and your team have way more chemistry with each other then they did, it's almost like all of you can read each other's minds… Sorry I was rambling again.” Akaashi turns around and stares at you this time with a real smile on his face. “It's ok love, I think it's cute when you run your mouth. Now why don't we head over to your house instead? I want you to help me get rid of my stress, ok?” “And how can I help you with that?” Akkashi brings your hand towards his lips and gives it a quick kiss. “Cuddles of course, and let me eat whatever food you got in your house.” Akaashi says with a wink. On your way home you can't help but admire your caring boyfriend, always making time for you even when he's too emotionally and physically tired.

[ladyvesuvia]

✧˖°࿐ 🍾 okay ves, this is not exactly a crush but rather a good friend of mine who I thought I liked for a little while (and may have, but not anymore), but circumstances and bad timing have made it clear that nothing will happen (and he has too... rip 🤟). but i was telling the story in the tags of my last post & i need to tell someone! he's a very funny guy and we're bickering all. the. time. like we genuinely barely talk in any way that's not back-and-forth banter to the point that our mutual friends changed his discord name to 'clara's lover' because of how much of an old couple we seem lmfao. but we do have heartfelt conversations when we're kinda... smashed at parties lol and it's like 4am and everyone is passed out and we're quietly talking and i've come to find out he's genuinely dedicated. like i didn't expect it from him but he's very sweet and attentive in his own ways - he's the only one who noticed i was Feeling Bad and checked on me, went to all the lengths possible to care for a friend of ours when she fell and hit her head... just an all-around surprisingly sweet and dedicated guy? and one time we were outside, it was 3am, i had stepped out to look at the stars cause they're my happy place when i'm down and i was feeling like shit lowkey. and he came outside with a few friends and i just started rambling about the stars and planets and constellations and how much i love them, and i was like, "i'm being so boring rn omg" but he just said that it was so cool i knew all of this? and that he didn't find it boring at all but rather loved it? space is super important to me so i was like <3 i feel Loved and Validated right this instant. later on we all laid on deckchairs and we were talking (with 2 other friends, we were 4 in total) and i remember drifting off to sleep in the middle of the conversation (at that point it must've been 4-4:30am) so it's all very hazy but they thought i was asleep and when it was time to get back inside he said, "i could carry her to her room" and i was like DO I PRETEND I'M ASLEEP SO HE DOES,,, and i was this close but they shook me a bit and so i woke up for real lol but it was one of the sweetest nights in my life and the moment i felt the most closure to all my friends and him in particular. rereading this it sounds like i am whipped for the guy but i'm really not, he's a sincerely good friend and we wouldn't work together romantically anyway so i backed down and i prefer it this way. but yeah this was my hot girl summer little romance daydream ♡ THIS WAS SO LONG SORRY AND IM GONNA HIDE BC WHAT IF SOMEONE I KNOW IRL SEES THIS

OMFG BABE I WAS SO EXCITED WHEN I SAW THIS I NEEDED TO HEAR THIS TODAY BECAUSE I’M IN KINDA THE SAME PLACE

he sounds so amazing!!! 😔 the clara’s lover is just so sweet and made me blush wtf ma’am you’re y/n right now- this felt so fun to read istg and him validating what you’re passionate about??? I LOVE HIM ALREADY AAAAAAAAA

HE’S JUST- AGH READING THIS GAVE ME BUTTERFLIES IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE!!! the late night talks- 🤧✋🏻 i want this omg a book based on this would be perfect xx

THE I COULD CARRY HER TO HER ROOM OMFG MA’AM I’D SAY MARRY HIM BUT- HSCNFJJRIWA IDK WHAT TO SAY EVEN JUST HE SOUNDS SO GREAT HE SOUNDS FICTIONAL BUT LIKE IN THE BEST WAY like he’s that one fictional character you want to come to life???? agh i have so many questions like do you guys still talk? are you still friends? is his discord nick still clara’s lover? does he like you? did- I JUST HAVE SO MANY PLS DON’T FEEL SHY TO KEEP SENDING THESE IN BECAUSE I’M NOSY AND THIS IS SO ENTHUSIASTICALLY THRILLING TO ME I GET SO EXCITED BUT WHY NOT ANYMORE :<<<

YOU SHOULD HAVE PRETENDED YOU WERE ASLEEP OMFG I KNOW I WOULD HAVE DONE SO AHAHAHAHAJAJJAWJ wym hot girl summer bESTIE THAT’S MAIN GIRL COMING OF AGE AESTHETIC LOVE STORY THAT DESERVES A HAPPILY EVER AFTER

don’t hide bb this made me want to rant about my similar one omfg u don’t have to read this i just saw a lot of parallels to this and i couldn’t help but sjhdejiw because you saying the “we wouldn’t work out romantically” literally broke me because i feel the same way 😔

i know i say i love angst a lot but damn it why can’t things just be easy and always have a happily ever after?2!/&2@ i told him about writing and he literally said that it’s cool and that i’m good at what i do omfg this guy!!:!:&2 AND WE ALSO HAVE LATE NIGHT TALKS like mostly 12am to 4am just laughing and stuff he’s just someone i feel comfortable with but just imagining what we’d be romantically sounds too unorthodox? idk i mean i do like him and i am in fact head over heels for him but the minute i think about us in the same place that the couples my friends are in, IT FEELS SO STRANGER-Y???

i mean he liked me since 2019 but has been incosistent and he confessed to me on the 31st of december, 2019 BUT I DIDN’T SEE IT OK I WAS JUS TRYNNA REPLY TO PEOPLE HAPPY NEW YEAR and i only saw it like just this june 26 where i replied to it and i said “whatthefuck HAHAHAHA” and he freaked out and said DELETE THAT DELETE THAT hdhdueie idk rlly he’s just so great but i don’t wanna ruin our friendship

PLS THIS FEELS LIKE MIDDLE SCHOOL ALL OVER AGAIN IDK WHY I’M KINDA ENJOYING IT

[night-dragon937]

Sorry i accidently Unfollowed trying to hit the ask button: Im a little anxious about this but, I want to know how best to refer to you/yall? I know, the basics of DID and im sorry if this just, comes off as wrong/bad, but im, assuming that DID is specific to each system (I think im using that term right? im sorry if im not) and i just want to know how best to, like. avoid making you feel bad/wrong? (like, im anxious about referring to you as, you or do i need to refer to you as, like. them? or yall?, because i think all of you is valid and great and deserves respect? individually and as a whole?) and i saw the post where like, people think the Host (I am so sorry if i am messing up these terms) is more valid then the others, and that made me sad because, I think everyone is valid? and its like, i dont want to refer to you as the wrong thing (eg: a singular person, incase that strips away the importance of being known?, or as multiple, incase that invalidates?) like, im sorry if any of this comes off as tone deaf. i also got anxious about asking because, I dont want it to seem like the first thing i think about is, this? when interacting, but its why i get really nervous about using you/yall? not that anything was done to make me feel like that, i just want to be respectful? I also dont want to ask tons of questions cause, i know what it feels like to be bombarded with questions about something like this and being treated less like a person, more like a thing to gawk at i guess? like, ive done my best to read up on DID to, better try to understand, but if its unique to each person, I dont want to generalize it? I also am trying not to refer to this as a disability? as im not sure if its, ok to? because it just felt, strange, referring to, what to me seems like a Group of people? as a disability? Im sorry if thats, incorrect or wrong, or even ableist? im genuinely not trying to be. I just, think its important to give everyone individuality and importance? and if you all ? are, different people with their own personalities (if im, understanding that right, i know its possibly different from one person to another?) Then i want to respect that to the best of my ablity? Sorry for all of the rambling and if this is too much a wall of text. im also extremely sorry if anything ive said/done in our interactions, or this ask were offensive? Its alright if you dont want to answer this of course, or if any of this was too personal/touchy, im not gonna get upset or anything and thats completely fair ? I honestly second guessed asking, but figured i needed to before i accidently messed up and said something wrong?

hey no need to apologize! we are willing to answer questions about our experiences with did/plurality! (in fact, it's nice when singlets/non-systems ask questions when they're unsure bc it shows that they care about respect n stuff)

each system's experience with their diagnosis is unique, yes! we have did, but there are various types of osdd that are diagnoses for systems as well

we have what's called a singletsona, essentially a "sona" that's a single person. we mostly have this irl for safety reasons, but we also understand that a constantly changing roster of many people can be confusing esp for neurodivergent people. so, generally, we go by night (cause we're the night system lol it fits perfectly!) and use they/them.

some people do want to interact with us individually (like. maybe four singlets so don't feel bad if you'd rather just interact with us as a whole, but we will let you know if we switch or about alter-specific things) and they refer to us either by who's fronting or by "night sys" or "night system" and refer to us with plural pronouns

you're so very sweet <3

so that refers to people who act as if the body belongs to the host and no one else in the system, the life belongs to the host and other alters shouldn't get as much of a say, or as if other alters aren't really people, like the host is.

you're not being tone deaf at all! even if you were, we'd still be willing to provide info

so, referring to a system depends on a few things. if you're referring to a singletsona, then singular pronouns/preferred pronouns. if you're referring to a single alter, then singular, but if you mean the whole system, then plural. also, if you feel weird about using "you," just know that you was originally a plural pronoun (but has changed in meaning and usage, like they! and thou was the singular)

we're generally pretty understanding and won't get offended unless one is being intentionally malicious (understanding what one is doing, what the affects of the actions are, and still choosing to do it)

we don't know enough to comment on osdd but did is absolutely 100% a disability because this impacts every aspect of our lives, for several reasons. there's the obvious sharing every life decision with a multitude of others with their own personalities and opinions, but did is a trauma based disorder and thus has a lot of symptoms of trauma. did is usually concurrent with ptsd and c-ptsd, and often others. this is bc dissociation is a learned (unhealthy) coping mechanism where we put ourselves literally anywhere but the physical present rw to avoid trauma at a young age, which impacts development of the personality (talking specifically about did). did is... so much more than having brain friends, its freaking out bc someone used a specific tone of voice even if it's not meant maliciously. it's coming to front and having no clue where you are or what's going on. it's being held accountable for actions you have no memory of (and are often out of character). it's often dealing with depression, anxiety, flashbacks, anxiety attacks... you get the point lol

the group of people isn't the disability, it's how traumagenic systems form that cause them to be disabilities, and how that affects daily life. that sounds contradictory. it's... not that any specific alter is debilitating, but the cause of the condition (trauma) and the effects of the condition (dissociative amnesia, etc) that make it a disability. does that make sense?

and you've been nothing but respectful! but thank you for checking, it means a lot to us, truly.

feel free to send more asks/reply to this if you have any more questions or need any clarifications in regards to this (we've been awake for far too many hours lol). also we love talking about our system and info dumping about our diagnosis/diabilities lol

[dropoutparty]

ngc ramblings part 2- chapters 3 and 4

time for post 2 babeyy!! i didnt try to really be funny in this one like i did the last one, so i hope u dont mind!! heres a link to the first post if u missed it! ill make a masterpost of all the parts once im done with all the chapters. now lets get into trance and dementia!! (that sounds. hilarious out of context)

here we are at trance! the name of this one is pretty clear, but ill still go into the definition for the sake of clarity. basically, a trance is a state of half consciousness and an absence of response to external stimuli, like what you might experience when under deep hypnosis. this is probably referencing the “episodes” that melissa would go into where she would jsut kinda stare off into the distance and not emote all that much. the music here is compared to the videodrome theme, which probably means theres a consistent high note in the background, with the main attraction of the song being garbled electronic noises, maybe with some more coherent synth coming in at some point. either way, it probably is meant to make you feel uneasy because as we all know, high pitched noises are spooky.

the new kaiju this time around is orga (a kaiju with some mutated godzilla dna in it). this makes zach realize that this game couldnt be just some unreleased version of the normal one (as if fuckin red appearing didnt already make that clear) so he now figures that its a rom hack of some kind that his friend just happened to find. im glad he didnt just immediately go to assuming it was haunted because thats SUCH a common thing in these creepypastas and its so dumb?? good job cosby... anyways the first level zach goes into is also the first quiz level, where we finally meet face!!! my beloved,, i dont really know how to approach the quiz levels tbh? because on one hand i wanna examine face as a character all at once but on the other hand i wanna talk about them as i go... for this post ill leave all the quiz stuff out, but i wanna know if yall would want them included in the future! ill just make a separate post for all the quiz levels if you dont :3. overall though, the first quiz level gives me the feeling that face is assessing who and what zach is, maybe throwing random stuff in to make it not seem suspicious or something?

anyways, zach finishes the quiz level and moves onto a green temple level. zach describes the music of these levels as hypnotic, which might relate to the planet name? the only enemies in this level are dead things, specifically a ghost thing and a bat with a horse skull head, who probably killed the things that became the ghosts. already this world is a little different than pathos because it has buildings in it!! specifically, this world is filled with green temple levels, which i think translates in-game universe to two large temples and three smaller ones (based on how the levels are kinda clumped together, with single ones kinda spread out). outside of the temples are the same empty blue mountain stages that pathos had, but now with not-moguera hangin around! i feel like this further proves my idea i talked about in the last post, where not-moguera and not-gezora killed all the life on the planet together, because as far as is said the blue mountains are still empty here except for not-moguera. theres also some cave stages from pathos here, but not as many.

moving on, after zach gets through some stages its time for the bosses! first up is not-varan, whos sprite looks like its an altered version of varans actual sprite from the original game, just like the other not-kaijus so far. i think this is a theme among all of the nots here so ill just say when they dont look made up of the originals parts from now on. not-varan fights by kicking and shooting heat-seeking missiles. its head is backwards, so it cant see whats in front of it. i get the feeling that the missiles are heat-seeking in order to kill anything coming towards it that it cant see and the kicks are more of a desperation thing, like oh god my missiles didnt kill something and now its hurting me, i need to get away or something like that. so i guess i would describe its fighting style as defensive? anyways, moving on. next zach fights not-hedorah, who is the source of the horse-bats. this is the first one that doesnt seem to be made up of an original monsters parts, but it does have the same color scheme so theres that. not-hedorahs fighting is a lot more aggressive, summoning horse-bats to keep you distracted while he goes to town on you. i think a second not-moguera was put here to help not-hedorah kill everything, because i don't think not-varan would be very useful when it comes to doing that lmao. so after zach beats not-hedorah, no more horse-bats spawn which is neat! after beating not-hedorah, zach tries to enter the base level without beating orga but it doesnt work so i wont dwell on it.

orga is just a normal godzilla monster, so there isnt as much to say about him. i do think that orga was an original resident of trance before the not-kaiju came around to kill everything, like biollante was on pathos. he fights by punching, shooting a heat beam, and eating other monsters! i think this last one, even tho its a normal part of the kaiju, is here to foreshadow reds preferred method of killing things that we see later (especially since orga also unhinges his jaw to eat things). anyways this fight makes zach geek out and think that the game must have been made by a fellow person of culture and godzilla fan!! which is funny for reasons ill get into later. he doesnt have much time for a fanboy moment tho bc he has to run the mile again with coach red!

this time around, the game is trying to trip zach up by including some obstacles to avoid while you run from red. red doesnt have any issue with them though, theyre not meant to keep him away from you, after all.  zach was freaked out but he still has his epic gamer skillz so he beat the level just fine. when he was done he yelled in gamer delight before red looked at him like “shut the hell up” and zach almost pissed himself. and thats trance!! before i move onto dementia tho, i wanna talk about trance itself because of course i do. i think this planet used to be home to a lot of creatures like pathos was, but this society was more developed and spirituality was very important to them, hence all of the temples. i dont think it was a very somber or strict society though, mainly im getting that from the temple music having an “indian techno vibe” to, it. so from what i gather, this society was very spiritual but also they liked to party. while im on the subject of the temples, i think that face is hiding out in either like a small side building or a hidden room inside of one of the big green temples. trance probably used to be his home, and when everything started getting killed i think he hid out somewhere he would be safe. i dont know about yall, but the quiz levels always gave me the impression that they were indoors for some reason? so that definitely contributes to the hiding in a temple idea but i think it still works if you dont feel the same. i think thats all i really have to say about trance, so lets move on to dementia!

ok as usual, were starting out with the planets name: dementia. you know what dementia is but again, for the sake of clarity its basically a disorder caused by brain injury or disease that causes memory loss, personality changes, and impaired reasoning. im not entirely sure why dementia specifically was chosen here, and my best guess for what it could mean is that maybe its foreshadowing melissas condition? it doesnt really resemble dementia at all but thats my best guess lmao. anyways, this chapter starts out with zach still freaking out about red looking at him and wondering whats up with the game before we get our board description this time around. its during this little beginning part that he decides that he has to finish the game just to see what the hell is even going on with it, which like. fair. ok so the boards music is described as basically a slow piano cover of the original games saturn theme.

as will be the routine from now on, zach starts with the quiz level. the questions face asks this time around seem like hes trying to get to know more about zach at this point, though theres still the usual unrelated questions mixed in (though theres only like 4 of them this time)! for the last question he asks, face must have figured out that zach is a human because he offers him a new monster! zach obviously says yes pogs irl when he sees that face gave him anguirus, his second favorite godzilla monster (whats his favorite godzilla monster? is it godzilla? he hasnt mentioned a favorite monster yet so why bring up your second favorite? idk) and one that hes wanted to play as since he was a child, which is interesting (im sure youre sick of hearing this by now but, more on that later). ok now onto the levels.

the first kind of level is a palette swap of the blue mountains from the last two worlds, but this time theres also water! the music is “a very simple song with a lot of abrupt pauses, followed by a loud note every few seconds” so take from that what you will. this level doesnt have any enemies in it, just like the last two, but this time it looks like zachs goin for a swim bc were goin underwater babeyy!! the enemies in the water consisted of a piranha (which zach likes because he can “tell what it is” talk about a buzzkill) and a spiky bottom feeder thing whatever taht means. and that's it for that level type. kinda boring but the other two level types make up for it. speaking of, lets go onto the next level type! these levels actually have an in-game name for them; unforgiving cold. these levels are very long, taking place in a castle dungeon made of blue bricks, with statues of terrified faces lining the walls. these levels made zach really anxious, and the longer he played them the more he felt like he was getting close to something “unspeakably evil” yea sure dude. its now that he starts to suspect something supernatural is going on, because he thinks the game can make the player feel things at will, which imean he isnt wrong? also the music in these levels is just a looping choir that sounded familiar to zach for some reason. there werent any enemies (which im realizing is a running theme in this thing huh) so were onto the first boss, not-baragon.

not-baragon is another one that isnt made up of its originals parts, but still has the same color scheme. he fights with a really strong kick, ice breath, and pissing on you with a gatling gun dick. yes im being serious. like??? i didnt remember taht being a thing but oh my god just look at this shit.

comedy gold. you even do extra damage to him if you attack the gun like??? anyways zach beats not-baragon and goes on to the last level type, the arctic. the level is literally just an icy tundra with some water segments, and the music is compared to northern hemispheres from donkey kong country but 8bit? and zach described it as “dangerous sounding” so theres that. the enemies here consist of a thing that zach says kinda looks like not-gezora but without the eye (i can kinda see it? maybe) thats frozen in ice, a spike ball with legs that explodes and shoots spikes everywhere when it dies, and the piranhas from the green mountains. the last two are only in the water segments, because yea theres water segments and theyve got platforming babeyy!! at the end of the level, theres a mini boss fight with maguma (a walrus kaiju), who runs away when you beat him. thats all the levels, so we can get on to the rest of the bosses!

the next boss is manda, a sea dragon kaiju. he fights by spitting fire, biting, and constricting (also he switches things up if somethings not working, so hes a pretty smart cookie). during the fight the atragon (which is like an airship from one of the movies i think?) shows up to help, which zach thought was epic and poggers even tho it didnt help at all. and thats the manda fight, moving on! the next fight is weird, because nothing is there for a little while before a fish shows up, screams, and then gets fuckin kilt by not-gigan. once again, it doesnt resemble the original but it uses the same color palette. it fought with a blood beam it shot from its mouth and a slash, and zach described it as fast and unrelenting, so definitely a really aggressive mike wazowski lookin motherfucker. after zach beats him, he goes on to the last boss of dementia, spacegodzilla (i guess the people who make the kaiju were going through a creative block or something lmao). spacegodzilla looks like normal godzilla but hes blue now and hes got ice!! why tf is he called spacegodzilla!!! anyways hes also more strategic with his fighting pattern, making ice crystal spires taht charges up his special meter and also keeps you from reaching him. when you do get close to him, you participate in a funney big dinosaur slap fight until u win, pog!! now on a completely different note, big reds comin to town (aw shit. here we go again)

this time around the chase is mostly underwater (tho its blood now bc ooo spooky,, sometimes i forget that this story is supposed to be scary tbh) so red has to put his floaties on before he can follow zach. theres also landmines over pits and red reveals his weird tentacle hand mouth tongue before zach finally gets away and the chase is over. reds startin to get frustrated bro, he's tried to catch this fucker like 3 times now wadda hell!!! btw these chase sections are a lot less crazy than i thought they were like. huh. ig its more intense when you listen to a reading lol. anyways now its time to talk about dementia as a planet. i think the whole “the not-kaijus are killing all the stuff on these planets for red” still holds true, and i feel like it will continue to do that, so ill just briefly mention it from now on. this planet is all ice and water basically though, so i think they had a harder time doing it this time, hence why the underwater sections have more enemies and the only original kaiju here can stay underwater for protection. also, i think face followed zach to dementia from trance because he realized what zach was doing and wanted to help out, which is why he gave zach anguirus.

basically i picture dementia to be a planet thats mostly water with some land thrown in, and an old dilapidated castle in the center. i think the castle itself was probably destroyed by the not-kaijus (along with anything alive that might have been in it). i cant decide if i think spacegodzilla or manda would have lived there, so ill just say they both lived there as gay lovers or somehting. as for the statue faces, theyve appeared on trance and dementia so far, and theyll continue to appear throughout the pasta. basically, i think these represent melissa and/or her presence. like in the green temples on trance, i think that alludes to how melissa is kind of an “angel” or divine being later in the game, and in the blue castle i think they could represent how melissa is (supposedly, more on that later) being held in the game so she can be tortured forever (which is why they look fuckin terrified). i think thats all i have to say about dementia.

before i end the post i wanted to say something abt the planets names. in the first post, i said i would talk about the planets names significance all at once but i. completely forgot that while writing this one, so ill just do them as i go from now on!! basically what i think the significance of pathos’ name is could be multiple things. it could be referencing the sad state of the planet itself, it could be foreshadowing that playing this game is going to be a painful experience for zach, or it could be talking about the incident with melissa, and how that was a really painful experience for zach (i wouldnt be surprised if it gave zach ptsd honestly). so thats the end of the post babeyy!! next up is entropy and extus!

[thisdreamplace]

Hi, what would you (or a general person) think/feel/act like if they were happily employed with a major paycheck?

I'm asking coz i feel blockage when I try to imagine living in the state of this manifestation. Fears of being incompetent at interviews and unable to answer questions properly or rambling crop up when I try to even imagine having that amazing job

Worse, I mean not worse, coz ik circumstances shouldn't matter, thing is idk idek the specifics of the ideal company or ideal job post of my desire

Ik I want eg:

an exorbitant salary (financial independence), even tho I fear I won't be able to negotiate at all (I'm not exactly a bargainer)

a role of responsibility where i can learn from the higher ups while inspiring those below, with a level of autonomy

Work that's not tedious or repetitive

So on and so forth

Even tho I don't have much job xp (again, Im prolly invalidating myself here, coz the fact is, I've come to realise even if I win a Nobel Prize, I'll keep feeling I haven't done 'enough'), I do have amazing, hard-as-hell-to-get qualifications (and again... I feel I'm not enough like wth whyyy? ;_; I've met so many people who've got half of these qualifications yet they're more confident and can actually flaunt that while I feel, not like an imposter, but ig worthless when compared)

The worst is Ive always freaking felt it in my bones I'm worthy of a higher role than my current self can achieve (by current self I'm referring to the fact that I do have issues eg nightmare interviews in the past hovering over me, beliefs of being incompetent or unqualified or being unable to answer difficult questions (since I was a child, I've been told, disparagingly alas, that I'm only 'book smart' and could only ace studies by 'rote learning', which is untrue. In fact thanks to that, I actually developed a memory issue whereby I'm unable to memorize stuff easily (btw one of my secrets to academic success has been understanding concepts, mind mapping it all mentally, having a solid grip over foundations etc. Ok I digressed) anyhow, I really do feel unprepared to answer questions (in fact one of my fears is being asked an intrusive question (like hey, why are you eg so pimply? (Btw I'm not, this is just an example) in front of everyone and being at the center of attention in that way 😱) so yeah, I hope you can sense the myriad of beliefs holding me back (and sometimes I feel nauseated to even think of 'facing' these beliefs or fears. Like, it's as I wrote to u rn that I realised I fear looking incompetent, except this case is so severe coz I feel like it's worthless if it's not done perfectly (or as near perfect))

So how do I manifest here? Hell, my mind starts hurting if I assert: okay, let's at least prepare, no, at least LOOK at a job interview question

Ik the Law says I can assume anything and that'll work. So how do I assume I'm, y'know, a confident gal who does not have the aforementioned state of mind? Or how do I defuse the root issues linked to childhood/past stuff? Or better yet, what state should I focus on assuming/taking on? I have no idea how to start. And thanks to analysis paralysis (it took me years to acknowledge this even) I'll end up prolly doing nothing then another month will pass by with me doing nothing and then I'll type another frenzied ask

PS: yep, Im aware of the self concept topic, but I hope u can shed some light on this specific matter at hand, kinda customized?

Ty

😰

So to begin with, scratch everything and literally focus on your self-esteem and your concept of self. No, you don't need a good self esteem to manifest, but I'm really passed pretending like it should be optional. Every one of us deserves to feel good about ourselves, for ourselves. And you're holding yourself back so much by not allowing yourself to feel good about who you are. I mean, you list how accomplished you are and yet it's still not good enough for you?

It's confusing because if you felt in your bones you were worthy of something better, how can you sit there and but yourself down so easily? Your reality is giving you what you actually feel worthy of. And it's not what you desire.

You're the only one holding yourself in this story. You know the law says everything is happening now, meaning all desired experiences and versions of yourself are available to you now. You tap into them by using your imagination and dwelling there. So, stop sticking yourself to this story that doesn't help you. You feel unprepared because you keep saying so. You keep replaying this memory of things going badly, when in reality there's not even a past. You're the one keeping it alive by being so consumed by it and thinking it's so real. But see, the past only exists in your mind. It doesn't exist elsewhere. And just like with everything else in our mind, we have the power to decide what is and is not so.

Plus, the comparison game has got to come to an end. Everyone is you pushed out anyway. A win for one person, is a win for all. Who are you comparing yourself to, besides a reflection in the mirror? There's no point. The more you let go of the old way of thinking and allow yourself to remember more and more who you truly are, the easier it'll be to let go of wanting to compare yourself all the time. It's literally your reality. It's your world and everyone else is just living in it. Seriously. You're literally at the center of your world. You're at the heart of it all, there is no one else but self.

Self concept isn't something to push to the side. I notice a lot of people know about it and then go, "ehh but what else is there?" Like, I did the same thing. And that's why my journey was full of detours when I could have just went straight to my destination.

How do you do this? Well, you do have some idea of who you want to be. I mean, I'm guessing you want to be the opposite of every undesirable trait/experience you mentioned? So therefore, (if you want to write it down, please do), you need to decide the mindset you want to focus on manifesting within yourself. Let the outer world be for a bit, it's time to focus on you and only you. Here's an article that gives an example of how to get clear on the version of you that you want to embody.

And then once you get clear on that, really, the only task you have is to wake up everyday and thrive to focus on keeping that mindset. Sure you might slip up, sure some days you may not do well keeping it at all, but it doesn't matter. You keep persisting and it gets easier and becomes your new normal.

You see, I like how Dylan James says manifesting is not a trying process because it makes sense. For example, you didn't try to end up with the experiences you have surrounding career right now. However, you manifested it due to your concept of self. Change your conception of self and without trying, that perfect career you desire will find you. It can be that simple. But we have to allow it to be. Plus, you really only need to focus on yourself. You don't need to have a list that consists of your must-haves in a job, or anything. (Unless you truly like to make lists like that.) Because the truth is, our desires are from God. Therefore, we never need to worry about telling our Godself what we want. Our Godself already knows. So if you are unclear, you can trust you'll be lead exactly where you want to go. Being specific or being general makes no difference and it's okay to approach manifesting with either one. You'll always come out successful no matter what. But the change begins within. There is no one to change but self.

Hopefully this is helpful! You got this! 💖

[starrypawz]

cAppaerently it’s been ‘pick apart and probably over analyse you relationship with someone recently departed and your reaction to what’s typically seen as a traumatic event’ hours today

Like i’m fine but it sort of like my brain keeps trying to poke and categorise the sort of relationship me and my mum had and my reaction to her passing.

Like uh in a way it feels like my life largely had to revolve around her and accommodating her and what like were probably her own not so well kept in check neuroses at times.

And like how she largely unintentionally probably has contributed to like... a chunk of various minor traumas i probably have now and in a way she def controlled me a lot more than she probably needed to over like quite a lot of stuff like

Like largely non maliciously but like it’s probably fucked me up a good deal more than I realised. Like how she basically became more restrictive with myself and my other brother because of my eldest brother’s own like ‘im a teenage fuck up’ phase. didn’t really allow me much in the way of age appropriate freedoms, had a degree of control over my appearance (like she got annoyed at me when a couple of years ago i started getting my hair shaved into an undercut), had OPINIONS on like piercings, dye and tattoos and largely not in a favourable sense (aka ‘this is part of the reason starry never got to have her early-mid 00s teenager emo/goth/alt phase)

And also like in a way I don’t think we were ever close. Like I don’t think for whatever reason we really formed a proper like mother-child bond, and especially the typically like ‘mother-daughter’ type bond

. Like I’ve never really felt my mum was a super emotionally supportive figure, at times I felt more like she didn’t necessarily want me around, never really could work out how to connect with her, we didn’t really do things together,  we never really like bonded even though we had some similar interests she just didn’t seem that invested in actually sharing stuff with me

And then there were the times where she’d be drinking and then decide she had to have long rambling circular conversations with me and that’s when she wanted to talk but i didn’t want to talk and it was really hard to get out of those conversations which i found personally super distressing

Like I had claims from my eldest brother I was the favourite and uh if that was the case it never came across. (And I’m pretty sure he was/is) and that time my mum had a freak out at me when she found I’d taken some short term counselling and started going on about how I was her soulmate and she was convinced the counsellors were going to blame her for my mental health problems at the time  and it was a bit like ‘well you sure as heck didn’t show me’ and insert something about those posts people make about how mothers often traumatise their afab children often unintentionally  And like yeah how I’ve just not really had much of an emotional reaction to her passing, which is like ‘is that just me being me since i’ve never been like super emotional anyway’, is it because tbh in a way I knew it was coming so I essentially had around a year to prepare for it, or is it like by this point the pandemic and everything else that’s been going wrong has taken so much out of me i just don’t have anything left rn

[earth-architect]

Senior Year Adventures (Zuko xOC) pt.16

“So much for a drama free New Years”

“Hey Ki?” Zuko knocked on Kianna’s bedroom door “are you almost ready, we gotta leave soon.

“yeah I’m ready” she puts some last-minute touches to her red lipstick, grabbed her purse and opened the door. Zuko was standing there with his arm on the side of the door. He was wearing a black long-sleeved turtleneck and black pants with a red jacket to finish the look. ‘man can this guy dress’

“wow, you look beautiful” Zuko gives her a sly smirk when he sees the blush creep up on her cheeks.

“do you mind taking a picture of me?” Kianna hands Zuko her phone. She turned slightly posing for the picture.

“Ok come on” Zuko looked at her with his phone in her hand.

“what, do I need to change my angle” she turns her body

“no, you look beautiful, I just” Zuko rubs her face “your butt is showing”

“well yeah that’s the whole point” she gets back into the pose she was first “now take the picture”

Zuko took a few pictures, changing his angle a few times before handing the phone to her.

“are you going to post this?” Kianna takes the phone to look at the pictures.

“I mean yeah” she looks at him to see an uncertain look on his face “ok what’s wrong”

“nothing, I just”, he sighs “as much as I want everyone to know your mine, I don’t really want anyone to be able to look at your ass anytime they want”

Her expression shifted, she hoped Zuko wouldn’t notice but of course he did.

“I’m not trying to control you or anything I promise,” he steps closer and puts his hands on her waist “I just can’t help but be a little possessive”

“no, I don’t feel like your controlling me, and I’m sorry I guess I never thought of it like that, I just thought I looked cute”

“you look gorgeous, forget I said anything you can post anything you want” Zuko felt a little sad he didn’t want to push his insecurities on her, he didn’t want to make her feel like he’s trying to change her.

“no Zuko, if you feel a type of way about its i’ll pose differently, here you can keep the ass pics I’ll take one from the side”. She pushes the phone back to Zuko and does a side pose. She can see him smile while he takes the picture. After the mini photoshoot, Kianna forced Zuko to take some picture too, the two quickly hurried to Zuko’s car (he opened the door for her – what a gentlemen). The ride to Toph’s house wants long, but it was enough time for Ki’s nerves to spiral. Somehow Zuko could tell she was silently freaking out and like the good boyfriend he is, he placed his hand on hers to calm her nerves. Even though the two haven’t been dating long it felt like they have known each other for years. Kianna apricates how sweet and understanding Zuko can be and Zuko feels like he’s lucky to find someone as patient and open as Kianna is. Kianna instantly feels better when she holds his hand. She doesn’t let go when the walk from the car, to inside Tophs house. The first people to greet them where some players from the soccer team. Kianna wasn’t listening because she was too busy looking for her friends, but she assumed that they were still trying to get Zuko to try out for the team. Zuko spots their friends before she does, he tells the soccer guys he will see them later and guides Kianna towards the group. Sokka was the first to notice the new couple, he gives both of them a smirk. Sokka draws the attention of the group to look at Zuko and Kianna. The pair finally get to the group and everyone notices them holding hands.

“so, you guys are together now, officially” Katara looks at the two, crossing her arms over her chest.

“yes, its official now” Kianna couldn’t help the bright smile that formed on her face.

“good cause Azula told me you guys almost did each other in my kitchen and I wasn’t keeping that secret long” toph says as she gets up and leaves the group. Everyone’s eyes turn to the two in amusement. The couple blush furiously as their friends stare at them.

“I think we’re going to get a drink” Kianna pulls Zuko away from the group. The two walks to the kitchen weaving through the crowed. Zuko walked over to the drinks to make drinks for them while Kianna stayed towards the entrance of the kitchen. Basically, the whole school was at this party, she saw people she knew, people she’s seen before and some people she had never seen before, ‘people form another school are probably here.’ Zuko walked up to her and handed her a drink as he was talking to Haru. The two were deep in a conversation about some video game so Kianna slipped away to find Katara and suki. Now that her and Zuko were out in the open, she wanted to show them the beautiful ring Zuko gave her. She gave the house a quick walkthrough before she checked her phone. A few messages from Zuko asking where she went was quickly ignored when she noticed the group chat going off.

She rolled her eyes at her friends’ messages.

‘I can be in the same place as jet’

she thought

‘I’m totally over what happened, I mean I’m not going to be friends with the guy, but I can be civil’

just when she turned around to walk to where Zuko said he was, she saw him. Jet. He didn’t look any different from the last time she saw him. Still had brown untamed hair, a smirk glued to his face, and dark clothes to put together his ‘bad boy’ look. And of course, he sees her too, he makes his way to her, wearing the same smirk that used to make her weak in the knees a year ago.

“Well well,” he says when he finally reaches her.” If it isn’t Kianna, long time no see huh”

“Hey jet” she sighs with slight irritation 

“Well damn I guess your not happy to see me”

“well I’m not really jumping for joy, am I?”

“Look I get it, I treated you like shit and you hate me, but I’m a changed man, Kianna rolls her eyes,” no really I’m different, and I came to this party cause I knew you would be here”

“Oh god not only are you saying you changed but your stalking me? I’m walking away now.” Before she could turn around, he stops her with a hand on her wrist.

“I came to apologize, not to stalk you. I want to move past this, be friends like we used to be.”she looks at him, waiting to he the grand apology.

“I’m sorry I treated you badly, I had no reason to do that when I was supposed to love you and care for you and instead I tore you down, I know an apology will never be enough but I miss my friend. I miss the Kianna I grew up. I know I messed up bad, but I want to fix our friendship.” She found herself speechless. This was old jet talking. Jet before becoming a jerk, jet who she grew up with the jet she shared secrets with and hang out with everyday. Part of her wanted to hug him, welcome back his friendship, but the other part of her thought back to how bad things ended with them, how bad the relationship was. She continuously fought everyone who said he was no good for her, defended him when he did into deserve it.

“I appreciate the apology, but I think it’ll be a while before I could trust you again. He looks down at his shoes for a Brief moment before looking back in her eyes.

“I understand, and I’m sorry again,” He pauses as if he’s debating on saying what he’s going to say “I heard you with that Zuko guy, just be careful.”

“what, why are you of all people warning me about someone”

“I know I know, but seriously, I’ve heard some things from his ex, there not good”

“Look I don’t know what you heard but Zuko is a good guy” she turns preparing to walk away

“don’t defend him like you did to me” she stops dead in her tracks, her mind racing with what he just said, ever inch of her body was fueled with rage as she walked back up to him and slapped him, hard. 

“no one will ever do you me what you did to me, just own up to the fact that I moved on to someone better and stop trying to bring me down like you did when we where together.” She brushed last him, making sure to hit his shoulder with hers, and walked to her old room. ‘So much for a drama free New Years’

A/n: only updating once a week makes me sad but that's all I have time for now. but anyway I hope you guys like this and thank you for the love and the likes, my tumbler has been blowing up with likes and follows these past two weeks and honestly its what been keeping me going, sadly this fit is coming to a end in the near future (within the next 3 weeks) but don't worry, your favorite oc will be back in season 2 of Senior year adventure!!(in December). and of course im rambling.... thanks again everyone, if you want to be added to the taglist let me know!!!! lots of loveeeee P.S the next part is a continuation of this part which will be posted later today.

Tag list: @snickerdoodleeee @fanficflaneuse @welovediaaxx @pyromanicschizophrenic @firedancer016 @bostwickellin

[threeletterslife]

HI CHANA!! ITS WEEKLY ANON AND I FINALLY GOT THE CHANCE TO READ THE EXAM…. I think this is one of the best things ive ever read. Also i think my laptops gonna break soon cuz i cried on it too much. Everything about this was so perfect? And can i just say, for someone who has really bad anxiety, the way you depicted it was so accurate! And jimin and yoongis backstories were so heartfelt. AND THAT ONE PART WHERE TAE ASKED YN FOR WATER AND YN JUST REPLIED WITH A BUNCH OF LATIN WORDS LMAOOOO (cont.)

you wrote the build up for the exam SO well. like with every time jump i was so nervous for how the exam was gonna end up. Tae’s character was so genuine and wholesome and my heart SHATTERED when i found out he didnt pass. And then reading his note after was so sad, especially the way he reminisced on the past things they did. And that one line “do you think theyre watching over you” felt so so magical. And the way you wrote how yn ‘survived’ the exam was so true. (cont.)

Anyways! Im sorry this review was ALL OVER THE PLACE DKSJDKFSD but this was just so beautiful to read. The ending was so sad but the way you wrote it made it seem so bittersweet. Thank you so much for writing this, because it truly was such a pleasure to read! I’ll be looking out for your next post but until then stay safe and thanks again for this masterpiece!!! love youuu

BEST?!? B E S T?!?!?! I AM CRYING HERE 😭

tae’s undiagnosed anxiety is a tribute to the education system in america and what it’s done to students’ nerves. i got a lot of influence for his character from myself and a lot of my friends. it makes me really sad that more people suffer from anxiety, BUT on the other hand, i’m also glad i was able to depict it accurately 

omg i spent a LOT of time developing jimin and yoongi’s backstories (especially yoongi’s because his story is a bit more sensitive than jimin’s). it makes me really, really happy that my efforts have paid off!! 

I AM SO FREAKING HAPPY THAT YOU THOUGHT THE BULID UP WAS GOOD. the whole mf story was supposed to be a huge allegory of the usa’s ugly-ass education system lmao. so to hear that you were nervous as the actual date of the exam got closer means that i did my job LOL

mY goD i tried so hard making tae seem like a realistic character. in fact, the whole point of this WHOLE series is about realistic, everyday, normal, average people who live in an unfair/destructive society. i just think in movies and other dystopian-themed media, we see too much of the katniss everdeen trope (if you know what i mean). not everyone is destined to be a hero. sometimes, we succumb to the madness, no matter how bad it is. but you’re welcome to imagine ways in which there might be a future successful rebellion in this society of atna. (mAybe i’ll even write about that one day LMAO)

and yes!! yn did survive. she was dragged into something that she was going to ignore completely. but she became influenced and began to conform to her society’s standards. she’s a survivor; albeit, she didn’t survive as heroically as other main characters might in a crisis 

ANYWAYS, (sorry i literally rambled so much omg) I THINK THIS REVIEW WAS LOVELY! I HAD SO MANY THINGS TO COMMENT ABOUT IT!! i love my bittersweet endings LMAO (even the worst outcomes can shed just a little bit of light.) thank you so SO much for this lengthy review. it was a pleasure to read this, love ✨

[parspicle]

I am going to TRY to vocalize my feelings about Error(sans) and all the other Errors.

OK hi!! I’m Parsp! I have loads of PTSD and various mental illnesses. I heavily relate to Error, and I’m going to fucking write an essay on him on why I heavily relate to him and also strongly dislike how people portray him. To note: I’m not diagnosed, as my mom doesn’t want me diagnosed for various medicinal and money-related reasons. I’m not an expert in the topic, either, so!

Before I start, if you want to see any other opinions on characters I like, this post is very good! 

ANYWAY, Error time!

I’m not very good at vocalizing my feelings, so this might be a little weird. 

I project myself onto error a LOT. I mean. A LOT

In THIS post, CQ discussed how PISSED Geno gets when finally, FINALLY, he gets his happy ending, but it’s ripped away from him.

In his last moments of sanity, he’s furious that he got his happy ending– and yet this happened to him. In that moment, he hated everyone and everything outside himself.

I relate that to myself. When I was (insert age that I'm not giving out), I was FINALLY happy with myself. I was happy because I had friends, I felt SAFE, and then, one day, which I often describe as “the worst day of my life” (WAY less extreme than what it was and still IS to me), everything got taken away. I got mad. My anger issues started coming back, my hatred of being touched came back, and everything just got worse. I lost most of my friends because I just sorta started snapping at people. 

Around a year later, something similar happened. and I FREAKED. Everything got worse again!

Okay, I’m getting off-topic. ANYWAY.

I relate to Error in this aspect. He got mad and tried to take away other people’s happy endings. I do a similar thing, except I only do it with fanfics. OK ANYWAY 

this is getting too self indulgent for me uhhh back to Error and why we need to stop mischaracterizing him

Please, for the love of god, stop writing Error like he cAN’T get attached to things.

He’s attached to his puppets. Honestly? In the ask blog, he gets attached to BLUE.

But, in spite of him getting attached, he pushes Blue away, because he can't handle relationships at that point. He also thinks he’s being manipulated (which he is) and has a LOT of paranoia. 

Also, he yells at inanimate objects. To take out his anger. and that’s important. He gets frustrated over little things piling up, just like most people do. 

This post is important. Mostly because “de-erroring” might not be possible. In my case, I think “Erroring” a character, kinda relates to them getting more trauma. So basically, while getting Un-traumatized IS possible, it’s really, really difficult. actually as I’m typing this I saw CQ said “Also, once someone becomes an error, they can’t turn back.” 

While Errors ARE kinda based around their final thought as a non-error, and they forget most if not ALL of what happened BEFORE the erroring occurs. I can’t really remember anything that happened before my traumatic event, so take that as you will.

Anyway I rambled for a while and got a LOT of my thoughts out, it’s not all of them, but Im finished rambling, so ;) 

There’s probably a lot more connections I could make (I didn’t even MENTION the crashing), but I'm tired! Feel free to add on anything, I just really, really needed to express my need to project onto him, and how much I love error as a character. 

[fineappleonapizza]

Unexpected (Daniel Seavey)

uhm so I did a thing?? this is the first anything i’ve ever written so it probably sucks and im sorry but I figured if I wrote it, might as well put it out?? & I have a sequel in mind, so let me know if yall would be interested!

Description: When an unexpected day turns into an unexpected fight with an unexpected ending.

Warnings: Sad ending, cursing

Word count: 2,120

You fell into the couch as a sigh escaped your lips. Spending your spring break holed up in Daniel’s apartment was not in the plan. You were supposed to be spending time with him before your break was over and he had to go back on tour. You guys hadn’t been able to find a lot of time to talk lately, and you could tell that the long distance on top of the lack of communication was wearing on the both of you. So when he had gotten the call this morning about a studio opening up last minute and an emergency session being called and you were left alone, you were disappointed. You had tried throughout the day to get caught up on some homework or some work emails, but that hadn’t gone very well. Then you tried to find something to watch on Netflix or a video on Youtube, but all that was on your mind was the fact that you were supposed to be with your boyfriend right now and you hadn’t even heard from him in 8 hours. You understood he was busy with work, and part of you loved him for his constant dedication and drive, but the other part of you was stuck wondering why you were here alone. If this was maybe 6 months ago, Daniel would have taken you to the studio with him, or at least tried to facetime you or something during a break. You grabbed your phone from the side table and shot Daniel a text asking if he would be home soon, you were thinking or getting dinner and wanted to know if you should get something for him. Daniel responded saying he would probably be a couple of hours still and to just get something on your own, but that he would make dinner tomorrow to make up for missing out on the day today. You weren’t surprised, things like this had been happening for a while now, but that didn’t mean you didn't feel the pang of hurt in your chest. You grabbed a jacket and your phone and slammed the door behind you. This is stupid, you thought. Here I am in the middle of Los freaking Angeles on my spring break ALONE walking to who knows where to find something to eat because my boyfriend has left me alone all day and-

“Ugh!” You didn't even know anything around here that was that good, where were you going?! You dialed Anna’s number and hoped more than anything she answered so you could find some damn food.

“Hey Y/N, how’s it going?!”

“An, hi. How’s Portland?”

“It’s great, I always love coming home, it just feels different than LA, you know?”

Yeah, I know. “Yeah, I get you. Hey, I don’t mean to keep you from your friends, I was just wondering what some good food around here was? I'm on my own for dinner tonight.”

“Alone? Daniel is at the studio i’m guessing?”

“Yup.”

“Uh, well, there’s always In’ N Out. Langer’s is good. Egglsut, too. There’s a lot of places around the apartment complex, but those are more like snacks and things rather than meals.”

“Got it, thanks girl. Have fun!”

You found some place that sold chicken strips and ordered a mango smoothie and, after walking around downtown for a while, headed back towards the apartment. Thank God for GPS.

Daniel was sitting on the couch, already showered and changed, when you had gotten back.

“Oh. I thought you were supposed to be late tonight.”

He glanced up from his phone and smiled. “Session let out early, come here.” He pulled you down so your head was on his lap and his fingers threaded themselves through your hair.

“You could’ve called or something, I was out alone and I missed you.”

“I know, but I was tired and figured you were having fun exploring.”

“Not really… it would’ve been more fun with you.”

“Babe, I know. I wish we could’ve spent today together. I know you have to go home soon and then we’ll be back to only facetime and stuff, but we have this new song we’re working on and we have to put ad-libs on still, and with tour coming up we won’t have professional studio time, and it’s just crazy.”

“Mhm, that sounds like a lot.” You hummed as he stroked his fingers through your hair and felt your eyes begin to close. “I miss you D.”

“I miss you too, babe.”

“No, not like, being with you. But you. I miss you. Talking to you like this, and seeing your eyes light up when you're talking about new music or tour or some post you saw on instagram. I haven’t this you in months.”

You felt his fingers freeze in your hair as you spoke. “Babe, what are you talking about? I was telling you about a song last week-“

“For five minutes Daniel. And then you had to leave, said something about meeting the boys for dinner or something.”

“Listen, I know i've been busy lately and im sorry. It's just work and-“

“Yeah. I get it.”

“Y/N, what's wrong?”

“It just sucks. Like, I understand it’s your job and everything-“

He was upset, felt like he was being blamed and attacked. “Do you!?”

You sat up. Daniel hasn’t ever said anything like this to you before, and suddenly you were angry. All you were doing was talking to him about how you miss him and the toll his work is taking on you and he wants to get mad?

“Excuse me?”

“I mean, do you get it? Every fight we’ve had in the last like two months has been about my job, Y/N.”

“What?!”

“I mean, you say you understand, but then we end up fighting about something that comes back to my job! So, do you get it?”

“I try! I try my best, but not all of us can be worldwide superstars who live the life and have the job that you do Daniel!”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Yes it is. You don’t think I really understand and that I overreact to everything-”

“I never said that-“

“You did. That’s exactly what you said but not in those words.” You stood from the couch and bunched your fist as you walked to the kitchen. You were trying not to cry angry tears because what the hell? How did we get here? You heard Daniel sigh from the other room, and you turned around when you felt his presence in the doorway.

“Listen, I try to understand what you do. I really do. We’ve been dating for a year, and there are some things that I guess I still struggle with. But I understand that you’re busy Daniel. I know that your days are often hours and hours long, whether you're here in LA or off touring somewhere. I know that you don't always have time to talk and that you can't always be there for me when I need you. I understand how hard you and the guys work. I know how much the fans mean to you, and how much you love every single one of them. Tell me if I’m wrong?” You stared at him from across the counter and watched as he stood still. “Ok? So I try my best to understand your job, and I thought I was doing a pretty good job at that. But to explain why all of our fights lately seem to be about it? Because I don’t think you understand mine! I go to college full time! I have work and school and homework and clubs. I stress about making sure I’m on the right path for success and i'm fearing failure ever .3 seconds of the day. I may not do what you do, but I do have dreams that I'm working on too, ok!? And my boyfriend is gone all the time! Most girls get to actually spend time with and hug and kiss their boyfriends whenever they want- I don't get to do that. Instead I get to sit there and watch millions of girls fawn over mine, knowing that all it would take is one word from you and you could have any of them at any second! And I get hated on online by thousands of people in the world who I don't even know exist all because im dating this celebrity that they’re in love with. And the craziest part? We aren’t even publicly confirmed! Sure, everyone knows at this point, but that’s not really the point. I try to ignore that, because I know at the end of the day, it's just jealousy. But it still hurts, Daniel, to read that stuff about myself. Because I’m still that insecure girl deep down, and I-“

You paused to inhale a breath. You were rambling, and Daniel could tell you were mad.

“I-“ He paused too. The both of were silent for a while, standing across the room, staring at each other. Both of you were upset, mad at the other for making this seem like it was all on one person.

“You knew what you were getting into when you signed up for this.”

You blinked, slowly. With a shaky breath, you turned around. How the hell could he have just said that?

“When I signed up for this? I didn’t know dating you was another job I applied for, Daniel.”

“Y/N-“

“Usually, when two people start dating it’s because they like each other, Daniel! It’s not a job! And if it was a job, then it should be paying a hell of a lot more than a boyfriend who doesn’t even feel like a boyfriend anymore!”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean!?”

You sighed and ran your fingers through your hair. You were not supposed to be spending your spring break fighting with your boyfriend. How had this happened?

“Daniel, let's be honest. This is the first time we’ve seen each other in person in months, and we’ve talked even less than that! I’m not talking about little conversations here and there about nothing- we have those all the time. But I have those conversations with people I run into on the way to class! That’s my point! I don’t feel like we’re dating, I feel like you’re just a friend. And that breaks my heart, but you can’t tell me that you don’t feel the same, D.”

“I- I don’t- I thought we were okay.”

“I did too! But sitting here right now, I think it’s clear that we haven’t really been in that kind of a relationship for a while. We were so good at the beginning, and we just aren’t anymore. I love you, I still do, and I always will. Forever. But I think that maybe, for now, we should take a break.”

Daniel crossed the room, and the both of you grabbed onto each other with tears in your eyes.

“I don’t want to lose you.” His voice was laced with tears, and as you hugged, his body shaked.

“You won't. Ever. We can still be friends, Daniel. In fact, I need you to be my best friend. I cant lose my best friend and my boyfriend.”

“I love you. I'm so sorry.”

“D, this isn’t on you. It’s just not our time right now.”

“I know. But I’m sorry. I'm sorry I couldn’t be the boyfriend you needed, and I'm sorry that you have to read the things you do all because of me. I love you, and seeing you hurt hurts me too. I’m sorry.”

“Daniel Seavey, I love you. I don’t blame you for anything, and I never will. I need you Daniel, so I need you to get that stuff out of your head.”

“You can stay here for the rest of your break, and uh, uhm. We’ll figure out how to be friends, I guess.”

“Nothing's gonna change, Daniel. We’ve always been friends. We just won't do the kissing and the romantic stuff anymore.”

“Yeah. We’ll be fine.”

“We’ll be just fine.” As you pulled away from Daniel, you wiped a tear from your eyes. You didn’t want to let go, because the both of you knew when let go, it was really over. 1 year. So many laughs and kisses and memories, and it was all over now. Being friends would be what’s best for now, but the both of you knew it wouldn’t be the same. So with one last hug, you let go and headed to the bedroom and climbed into bed, where you cried yourself to sleep.