#but it did so in such a way that we can go hogwild in this sandbox while remaining canon compliant for...most things really

[psqqa]

truly ted lasso gave us the best gift a show could ever give a fandom: complete lack of confirmation or denial either way

[narcoticwriter]

Let's 'Rec' It - The Narcotic Edition

Yeah, I have Genshin fic recommendations that I need to shove down people's throats, keep scrolling, keep scrolling . . .

Series -

the angel share's cat - Although some may find it to be a bit canon divergent as this was written in the pre 2.8 era of Ragbros fanfiction. I can say with confidence that this was one of my favorite series of all time. It still is.

beasts and mortals (and how to cross the distance in between) - I absolutely love the characterization between the two main characters and the time the author takes to really flesh them out and have them interact with each other and others around them.

nobody in liyue respects diluc - This was one of the goofier fics I've read, but I had a good laugh. Essentially the 'What if Diluc Didn't Go Back to Mondstadt' speculative fanfiction that goes absolutely hogwild on the lore and respect to research.

Kazuha and The Crux Fleet (the family we made along the way) - Genuinely one of the most solid series surrounding the Crux Fleet I've experienced in a while as well as realistic whump and hurt/comfort. Featuring some other characters as well!

Legacy of the Ragnvindr Brothers - In my personal opinion, this fic is foundational to what I look for to a subconscious degree. Also written in the pre-2.8 Ragbros era, it sticks out with how it kicks off and how they deal with it long-term.

Frost And Flame - A Tale of Two Brothers - This series was one I kept up with at its tail end, and I was quite invested in it. The author had a blast and so did I. It may not be everyone's cup of tea, but if you're willing to excuse the low-key crack in some places as well as other canon-divergent elements, then I recommend it.

memento mori, bitch! - I laughed so hard at this series that I felt my ribs start to shift and crack. Scaramouche is a little bitch. Arataki Itto is a himbo. Kuki Shinobu is holding it together by a thread. Beans.

Fox Tricks - This is probably the only Eimiko-centric thing I genuinely like as the characterization is top-tier, the writing is top-notch, and the realism is unmatched. Recommend to anyone willing to read through it.

noir!Fischl - What if Fischl consumed noir novels instead of fantasy ones?

Mora for a Myth 'verse - Arguably my best example of abusing how open Genshin Impact's worldbuilding is to make something better, featuring Beiguang.

Teyvat University of Fuck-Ups- I Mean Allogenes - Featuring familiar faces in a University AU as well as a healthy dose of characterization.

scarlet and amethyst - There is always that one crazy person in the fandom that latches onto a rarepair and makes it their mission to produce nothing but content for it. This is one of them and I salute them.

About Tengu Courtship - A Sara-centric fic on how and why the hell she's feeling things for Itto and vice versa.

the ragnvindr-alberich get along sweater - A slew of lore, headcanons, and character interpretations meet in a Modern AU that makes sense.

A Cat Visits A Winery - Diluc and Diona interact and grow closer as they bond over things they didn't quite expect to.

An Unexpected Duet - In which Barbara begins to develop a friendship and feelings for a certain bard, prompting an interesting path of character development.

Resurrection and Mayhem - Qiqi does not want to lose her main source of coconut milk, so she resurrects Childe as a zombie. Hijinks ensue.

contemplation, empathy, praxis - An Al-Haitham-centric collection that features him being put in situations and interactions that he would not be in ideally.

unfocused - A fanfiction that caused me to not only reach Ao3's character limit for the comments but had me compose a whole essay on it. The following smut also never broke the established character for a second.

let everyone be a part of you, a little - A collection of one-shots featuring interesting character interactions not usually present in-game and their varying headcanons. Some of my favorites.

occupational hazards - A Fontaine-centric collection featuring some of our favorite characters as well as dealing with a good chunk of the Archon Quests. Arguably some of the best stuff I've read.

Multi-Chapter Fics -

Scary Love - This fic took me the fuck out. You have to read it for yourself to really understand where I'm getting at. It slaps hard.

A Hypostatis' Guide to Godhood - Featuring Klee as its adopted child. It's not finished, but it slaps regardless of it. It gets technical, but this didn't stop me from having a good time.

All In A Day's Work - One of the only Noelle-centric fics that not only characterizes her well, but manages to stay true to its tags of 'crack treated seriously'. Also features NPC love, which is always a good thing to have.

how to human - A Razor-centric fic featuring Razor trying to learn what it is to be human as well as who he is. It made me cry inside.

Broken Wings - This one surprised me. The writing is one of the best I've seen for a premise like this. It's a genuine treat I go back to from time to time.

Teapot Tales - The dream of shoving characters into a space and watching how they interact like scientists observing a petri dish.

How To Finish Your Bucket List Before You Die- A Guide From Kaeya Alberich - The title is self-explanatory, but it's done so tragically well that I had to put it here. Came out way before anything substantial was done to canon, but still captures Kaeya's character perfectly.

The Meaning of Bromance - In which a card game sends Thoma on errands, stirs Itto into a bout of manic desperation, and spurs Ayato's typical scheming. Truer to the characters than usual. A good chuckle.

Circles - In which Lisa's house is burned down by accident and Klee inadvertently becomes a catalyst for two folks to get together.

Cake Crumbs - In which the trope of being a fake couple for a discount for food is taken up a notch.

Ragnvindr Brothers Mortuary and Co. - In which Crepus' death unlocks a morbid curiosity in the boys instead of the canon-typical fallout.

The Final Campaign - In which Diluc finds a leather-bound journal in his father's study and the nostalgia comes punching back with a vengeance only abated by seeing it through to the end.

throw me to the unknown (and hope for my return) - In which Venti has a rough time and Beidou is there to help him out of it. Featuring some other character interactions.

adrift - In which Tama's cat ends up with Kazuha in the end.

A Tengu's Flock - In which Sara delves into what 'home' really is when a kind elderly woman opens up her own, only for Sara to find out who inhabits that home and bond with them as well.

Problem Conversion - In which due to varying circumstances, Faruzan and Al-Haitham interact, with much being exchanged between them.

adoration - In which there is an Adelinde-centric approach to the Dawn Winery dynamic, in varying points of time.

Little Lioness - In which Jean is somehow turned into a cat, and the events that follow.

Kuki Shinobu's Day Off - In which Kuki Shinobu ends up getting sick, so Itto and the gang have to pick up the slack and try to take care of their deputy.

Carved in Stone - In which the Arataki Gang is founded, featuring some deep character analysis and tribulation

One Shots -

Lone Wolves - An intricate and wonderfully thought-out coming-of-age one-shot featuring the trio of Bennett, Fischl, and Razor and their unbreakable bond.

stubborn - In which Kazuha is recovering from an injury and insists that he's fine, but Beidou has none of that. Featuring Baizhu, the acceptable use of a syringe, and decent hurt/comfort in the midst of sickness.

Grow Forward - Collei takes the first step to improving her relations with Cyno and Tighnari offers her his support in doing so. If 3.5 didn't exist, this would be an acceptable subsidiary.

looking out for you - Ragbros without the pinch of angst but accompanied by diabetes-inducing fluff. It gave me whiplash to see them depicted as such, so now you have to experience it too.

clinical horror - Ningguang hates the dentist, but her tooth aches. And yes, Beidou forces and half-drags her to the dentist anyway because pain medication will only do so much.

Perilous Brunch Bunch - The Chasm gang gets some brunch and hangs out together, from the NPCs' point of view.

my home without seasons - Kaedehara Kazuha finds another place he can call home.

Butter Knife - Canon-divergent and goes into the speculative question of what would happen if Diluc properly lost his mind.

Kitties on Board - The Alcor suffers under a plague of cats, or that's what the captain of said boat would call it.

Like a Pair of Hunting Birds - Shenhe and Xiao in a character study with some interesting peeks into some of their shared traits.

consequences of one [1] sakoku decree - Ganyu deserved to go off a little and her reasons are entirely justified.

a knight and a nun walk into a bar - Kaeya and Rosaria have a few drinks, and a lot more that wine is spilled.

I Heard You Like Cocogoats - A prank war between two individuals that will inevitably have people caught in the crossfire.

calm after the storm - Diona grapples with who Diluc is and what she pictures him to be.

Rest Day - In what world would Chongyun's exasperation boil over into hatred? This one, but only speculatively, of course.

The Tale of Klee and the Gender Reveal Bombs - Who gave the child specializing in the making of pyrotechnics access to smoke bombs?

saraba pasara - It's Qiqi's birthday, and it comes with some baggage.

"But that'll hurt real bad!" - A punch here, a dented guard there, and the varying miscommunications that arise as a result.

Dawn Winds, Heed My Vision - Diluc bears witness to his Archon in the midst of dissociation.

to new beginnings - Freminet stumbles upon the Hydro Dragon and they become friends.

[wormtime123]

AAAAAAAAAAAA DRAMATURGY EPILOGUEEE

I love the lengthy wrap up of so many loose ends, the slow mend of things torn and that utter contentment to be found with people just existing right there. This is going to be my go-to comfort fic for found family to re-read over and over and over and over

Now I wanna pick your brain on all the bits; worldwalker shapeshifting Gem? Its so coool I love it. When did you decide to give her and others (Scar, Cub?) powers? What did Cub actually do at the end of Grumbot there? What was your favorite part of the epilogue to write? And which part was the most emotional for you? (tough question, I know I can't choose between Pearl & Gem's or Pearl & Grian's conversations)

WHEW dear god thank you for presenting me a pass to go insane on a silver platter. i’ll be putting my answers under a read more so i don’t explode people’s feeds with nonsense

most of the magic decisions made are based ~mostly in what i know about canon, i just ended up filling in some blanks and playing around with what’s already there! i’m endlessly fascinated by gem’s dimension-hopping (empires isn’t addressed in dramaturgy, but i operate on everything she said about her powers in e2) and i think the idea that she can open portals at will and freely travel between worlds/universes in a way that other players can’t is amazing. then the shapeshifting just made sense to me in how she changes her appearance around to fit into whatever character she wants to take on in each world.

cub and scar lore i’m a lot less familiar with since i only know of certain clips about their vex deal, but i kind of treat it similarly to gem in that i assume they can shift their forms around (ie. how often scar changes to fit a character like gem does, cub going from old man to s8 e-boy skin) and have a peculiar knowledge around portals (ie. the big dig, scar using his “wizard portals” to travel between seasons.) however i think gem has a different kind of expertise working with portals with how often she dimension-hops, so those two were kind of just doing unethical science at the rift to see what stuck lol.

the rift on its own is its whole thing in my Fanon Brain, but i have a strong image of it as a living, breathing entity that sucks things in and spits them back out in other spaces indiscriminately. dramaturgy scar describes it as hungry and i think that’s about as apt as it gets. stuck perpetually wanting to consume yet unable to hold anything in. then one of my biggest plot problems to solve was making the story line up with grian’s lore, aka grumbot (prime) getting tossed in the canon timeline ominously hinting at the other grian’s crimes, so i asked myself how dramaturgy hermits could have weaponized the rift and that’s where i landed! i admittedly don’t have a specific answer to how cub would have aggravated the rift enough to make it go hogwild in chapter 10, but i personally just imagined him figuring it out at one point or another by throwing shit in until something worked

dear god this is already getting long but epilogue!!! my answer for favorite scene to write is a little anticlimactic but i love writing all the evo flashbacks. if you couldn’t tell i am completely evo enamored. i love the strange, off-putting, nostalgic innocence of “something unpreventable and life-altering is about to happen and they Don’t Know.” i love them working together to get to the stronghold and entering the end portal thinking it’s going to be another task of teamwork as always and then just *silence* on the other end. amazing incredible tragic love it

(also on that note i loved writing the scene atop the mansion. just one last hermit acting entirely too normal while subjecting pearl to cursed knowledge before we go)

and lastly for most emotional to write i’d definitely say the scene at the hobbit hole! i’ve had that one as well as the sleepover at impulse’s in the back of my mind for so long i’m just glad i got it out. getting there was like the end of an era for me. everything with grian and pearl finally being back together but still not quite on the same page. i think pearl seeing grian so taken aback in the face of the tangible proof of his actions and mumbo’s feelings was the straw that broke the camel’s back, because at this point in the story pearl’s finally willing to see herself in mumbo’s situation. she’s finally realizing how badly she needs this specific closure but grian’s too busy going ???my actions… have consequences? i can’t just run off into the night with no negative impact on the people around me?

(which is of course also a matter of a warped sense of self-image and understanding emotions, but grian will go on murder sprees in the 3rd life time loop box before exercising an ounce of self-reflection, more at 11.) and only after seeing pearl shaking like a sad wet chihuahua clutching this random notebook of his like it’s the sacred texts does he really start to grasp how genuinely bad it’s been for her. like that would have been obvious to anyone who’s normal but whatever. i love studying skyblings like bugs

ANYWAYS. i hope you enjoyed this thought dump and thank you again for the ask i owe you my life

[inchidentally]

U wanna analyse this? The words kinda made me sad: https://www.planetf1.com/news/peter-windsor-oscar-piastri-negative-impact-lando-norris

oh babe that one's easy bc not only did Lando have his best season yet by a long shot, he has many many times publicly credited it to Oscar pushing him and giving him the kind of competition that he's needed. as in he's said it so many times it would take me hours to screenshot all of them. Andrea and Zak have said it too, and actually the article itself even admits it. at the very last race Lando said how much Oscar has brought and that Lando himself has learned from him.

so big shock, "planetf1" faked a headline for clicks lol.

just to get ahead of the inevitable doom and gloom that sports media posts for engagement, let me pass on what I learned while in hockey fandom:

if the headline is dramatic, it's fake and don't give it clicks and ad rev. if it's not something like "grosjean leaps through fireball" which is easily verifiable then trust me, they won't be able to back it up in the article. remember when Lando did the landolog of him and Oscar karting in Italy and how much fun they had? at the beginning, he joked that Oscar had been a "little snake" for getting there early and practicing. he literally laughed while he said it. but sure enough, headlines on sites w names like F1dotcomBizFunHorny4U had "McLaren's Norris calls teammate Piastri a snake".

negative stories get engagement and melodrama gets even more. they'll worry about fixing it to not get sued way down in the article under the tenth video ad.

if the article was cribbed/didn't get a direct interview with a named source with an actual role within a team then it's either fake or stretched beyond reality for engagement.

even quotations can get chopped to hell and misplaced to fake a story - like people seeing Pierre explain his lack of relationship with Esteban by saying that other drivers might not be close friends either and to not make assumptions. despite quotes from those other drivers that they do in fact like their teammate (Carlos actually said this about him and Charles to Esteban and Pierre on the fanstage at Vegas). if people want to go hogwild with a quote to fit their negative personal narrative then they will. sites that exist solely for ad revenue and sponsorships will do everything to draw those fans in.

if DTS ever lands on the truth it's because that storyline wasn't worth the time in post twisting it into lies. so the fact that Oscar and Lando haven't had melodrama between them and keep saying how well they work together and like each other could mean that we get some unedited actual decent content! but since the 2023 season was so boring it might mean that the editors decide to do a hatchet job and bring in the usual talking heads to fabricate a drama between them. it ultimately doesn't matter bc DTS is only good for f1blr so that we can pull stuff for memes and gifs etc. when Lando recorded his viewing of some of the seasons he spent most of it laughing.

also this isn't the 80s or 90s or even early 00s Formula 1. the drivers are expected to stay much more even keeled out of respect for their teams and even the Pierre/Esteban situation (jsyk I do know their childhood history) isn't like they're out for each other's throats. they have a solely professional relationship now and they'd both agree that being civil is much better than not having an F1 seat. drivers are also way too busy nowadays with their own sponsorships and work outside racing to sit and fester these crazy rivalries in bars and pubs - as well as the media duties for their team that are way more since Liberty Media took over.

every set of teammates will experience ups and downs and tensions but they also have every incentive to get over it and not fuck up their work environment. especially at McLaren where Andrea and Zak now take a hard line about the drivers cooperating at all times for the sake of the team, that's never going to spiral into the kind of drama that media want. Lando beating himself up this season is because he's 5 years in and dying for that win, it's his mentality and it clearly didn't stop him from snatching podiums and points anyway. does he envy Oscar's sprint win, of course!! but if he hated or even resented Oscar for that Sprint win then he wouldn't keep bringing it up on Oscar's behalf all the time. he would do like other resentful teammates have done and simply avoid talking about it at all.

tl;dr anon, for your own sake please customize your F1 media experience or it'll drive you crazy <3 and just to say, I don't look at anything but F1.com or AP news to get updates on anything and I don't pay attention to anything else.

[yharnamsnewslug]

A lot of people I've seen play D&D have very good, very practical advice for running a D&D campaign effectively, and you should probably listen to them if you wanna change the way you DM and stuff, but if you're interested in my advice, here it is:

Pick a theme, run it through. That's it.

You can have multiple themes, which - it's a campaign. You'll be playing for a year or more, if you're lucky! (I've been playing this one for 1 year and eight months!) So don't worry if you've a lot of other themes, but a main one can really help you set up story arcs and villains.

For example, the one centered around my current campaign is Sins of the Father, or well, the breaking of systems and cycles established by people before you. So we have villains that:

- Are lashing out due to horrible things happening to them, things that all my players agree make them a detestable but understandable character. They disagree with the system and disagree with the pain being cause by this person, so they want to dismantle the system so it never happens again.

- A man whose zealot parents cause him to be alienated from his culture, so he assimilated into the main culture so hard that he's now a threat to his own people. My players want to make sure that the system that makes it possible for that culture to be eradicated is severed from power.

- A cleric who was brainwashed by a cult into believing that the worst thing he can do is his purpose, because if that draconic blood is running through his veins, then that means HE is the chosen one. This has happened for centuries and no one has done anything to help him. My players want to make sure people with this draconic blood do not feel as isolated as he did so this never happens again.

And so on and so forth. Stories of abandonment, of freedom, of abuse and corruption and power exchange. All of my players have parents, maternal and paternal figures, people they love and people they hate from their past. They're complex and work within the laws set in this world. HELP THEM interact with these themes.

Make sure your players have a character involved in this theme close. Make sure the main villain has this theme that you're passionate about. There's so many! Go hogwild! Here are a few;

- Sins of the Father

- The pressures of expectation in heroes/leaders

- Mother's pressure to comply vs the Self Discovery and Freedom of a Woman

- Duty vs Freedom

- The responsibility of knowing - and the right to know

Add more if you've any you love!!

[mortalfollies]

List 5 topics you can talk on for an hour without preparing any material.

a challenge from @ginevralinton

i um don’t have any topics that i consider myself an expert on (i have approximate knowledge of many things). anyway, here ya go!

oneirology: psychologists really spew a lot of shit about dream interpretation, fuck freud, dreams are cool, you shouldn’t rely on some quack (spiritualist or psychologist) for an interpretation, please listen to scientists and understand that your dreams are for your memory to process events & your imagination to go fuckin hogwild (if you’re lucky like me. sucks to be one of those people that has boring dreams or doesn’t remember them). but also damn isn’t it cool that there are some near universal symbols for hope (eg. birds) and fear (teeth falling out & other typical nightmare stuff). pls tell me about recurring symbols in your dreams. mine usually feature birds and travelling through a fantastical place.

disney’s frozen, and what a clusterfuck the entire production of it was: blame my 13 year old self for this but seriouslyyyy there was so much that got cut and rearranged and the concepts were way cooler and the world would be a better place if let it go had never been written, i’m not joking!!! there was gonna be a curse!!! the film was actually going to be about sisters!! AUGHHHHHH

frasier: hey did you know they made roz have a baby because executives thought she should “have a repercussion” (aka be punished) for sleeping around? isn’t that fucked up. did u know bulldog’s actor is gay? lilith is so hot & funny & human & im in love with her. did u know that one of the creators of the show died in 9/11, and that’s why they named the baby david? here’s my slideshow on why frasier’s should’ve ended up with lana. here’s why s4e6 “mixed doubles” is one of the finest pieces of sitcom television - i actually just deleted a whole paragraph bc i could talk about that episode alone, god i love it.

commedia dell’arte: harlequin <3 columbina <3 innamorata of various names <3 i’m not a big fan of pierrot but i understand the hype. more of an opinion piece on how the costumes & archetypes have been used throughout history (pre&post commedia) and why i think they remain semi popular.

making bread: less of a talking thing where i tell you what to do and more of a come into my kitchen, sit at the bench and let’s eat. i love you. use more water in the dough. yeah no we’ll put it in the fridge overnight. oh look at those bubbles. listen to that crack. maybe five more minutes in the oven. put some butter on that finished thing. and then we eat and sit quietly. this is something i like to do. usually lasts more than a single hour tho

tagging @cactus-bag @sleeeepy-demon @belladonnafey @retourne-toi-eurydice & anyone else that wants to.

P.S don’t reblog this from me pls i don’t like threads! i just like being tagged!

[dajaregambler]

HeliosR - Lock On The Lost Night - Chapter 11

Translation of chapter 11 of the event ‘Lock On The Lost Night’ from ‘Helios Rising Heroes’.

Oscar: ---These handcuffs should undo themselves once you both fall asleep, yes?

Keith: Sorry Oscar. Leaving it up to ya

Brad: Sorry for asking something so strange. However we needed a third party’s aid no matter what.

Oscar: Please do not apologize, Brad-sama!

Oscar: I was surprised when you contacted me, but I understand the situation. I wish I could’ve helped out earlier though… 

Brad: I suspect the state of the handcuffs will change once we’re asleep. Remove them once the time is right.

Oscar: Yes sir! I guarantee that I’ll set you two free.

-

Keith: ……

Keith: ……..

Keith: ……

Keith: …….

Brad: Oi, you’re pulling the handcuffs each time you toss and turn, it’s distracting.

Keith: What can I do ‘bout that? I kinda can’t calm down

Keith: S’prolly that. How the bed smells. Can’t get used to how it’s different than the usual

Brad: It’s the least you can put up with. The sheets have been changed to clean ones.

Keith: Also, can’t calm down with how I’m sleeping next to ya. I don’t think anyone would be able to though

Brad: I could say the exact same about you, you bastard.

Brad: I offered my bed out of kindness, but I won’t stop you if you prefer the floor instead.

Keith: Ouch, that hurts….! Stop, don’t push me! I’ll fall off you know!

Oscar: I’ll assist you. Brad-sama.

Keith: Wai- stop… seriously I’ll fall off….! It’s my fault! I’m sorry!!

Brad: ………

Keith: Haah…haah…… You two ganging up on me is unfair…..

Brad: Enough complaining, sleep already.

Keith: Goddamnit….

-

Keith: Zzz….zzz..

Brad: Zzz… zzz….

Oscar: ……

Oscar: (Brad-sama and Keith-san have finally fallen asleep. I don’t any changes to the handcuffs though---)

Oscar: !?

Oscar: (They truly are squishy…! Its softness is quite a mysterious feeling…)

Oscar: (Like this it should be easy to remove these from their wrists…..)

Oscar: (Alright. Leave it to me, Brad-sama……!)

Oscar: HMPH!!!!!!!!!!

Keith & Brad: …..!?

Keith: Was that an elephant going hogwild just now!?

Brad: …..Oscar?

Oscar: M-my apologies, Brad-sama, Keith-san! You finally fell asleep and yet I…!

Brad: No, it’s not a problem. More importantly, how are the handcuffs?

Oscar: They’re… still….

Oscar: Once I thought you had fallen asleep, the handcuffs indeed changed in feel for just a moment.

Oscar: They became really soft, so I thought I could easily take them off…

Oscar: However they instantly hardened as a reaction to the slightest amount of movement…

Keith: Gotta be kidding me…

Oscar: Please give me another chance! I will definitely remove them next time…!

Brad: …Has one hour passed?

Keith: Seems like it. Doesn’t feel like I slept at all though

Brad: You did well for one hour, Oscar. As things are now you’ll end up staying with us till morning though.

Oscar: I don’t mind that at all---

Brad: No. It’s most likely that these handcuffs won’t unlock till it's morning.

Keith: Why?

Brad: I had an inkling I wouldn’t be able to soundly sleep given what kind of situation we’re in. Same goes for you, doesn’t it, Keith.

Keith: ……

Brad: Telling me to relax is futile either way now.

Oscar: Brad-sama…

Oscar: Is there anything else I can help with? I can do just about anything…!

Brad: No, it’s fine. It has gotten late, go take it easy and rest up.

Oscar: …Understood.

[proxyposting-yb]

((Oh god damn it. This rant ended up way longer than I thought. Just uh... don't look at it I guess. I don't know.

I'm sure you will see the LENGTH of this thing in your notifs and maybe go all

"Oh shit. Oh fuck. They lost their marbles. They're blowing up at me. The house is on fire! Run everybody!"

Which. Uh. Maybe. But part of me is writing and then my brain goes "oh wait there's MORE! We must not leave this out!!" and now we have a collossus here so uh.. yeah.

I mean I got a lot of thoughts sorted out typing this so I'm not deleting it but uh... fuck it. Posts the thing.

Sorry for the scare, Lynn. Let it not be said that I have good self control. Lol. ))

---

"Y/N isn't all that amazing as his rose colored view has led him to believe."

"He'd realize they aren't his love after all."

---

....He isn't a normal guy.

He's the "Made to Love You" no matter what guy. The "you can NEVER escape my love" guy. The "I will do ANYTHING for you" guy.

The "I will burn down an orphanage for you" guy. The "I will fill graveyards full of cities for you" guy.

If you were a cannibal or a serial killer, he wouldn't give a shit.

If you were a demon he would not hesitate to follow you into hell guy. If you were an eldritch entity that would melt his brains the moment he saw you, he said

"That's such a wonderful way to go, wouldn't it~"

---

"Punch me, kick me, pull my teeth out, yell at me, call me names, burn my house down. I'd welcome it all with open arms.

However, there is no getting rid of me <;3"

---

Changing your mind about someone you THOUGHT you love is completely out of character for him.

That's the kind of character arc you'd get for an ordinary human messed up stalker guy who ISN'T Made To Love You.

"Oops she's a dick. I don't love her anymore. Time to kill her!"

Shit like that is what he's specifically built NOT to do.

---

Like, the purpose he's in this game is to prove how much he loves you, even if it's through twisted means.

He would definitely get more unstable but in a

"Clings closer to you and maybe ties you up" way

Or "blames everyone else and goes on a revenge fuelled killing spree" way.

And then you probably get karma when you realize you can't leave or when he bites off more than he can chew, and your enemies pile up and overpower the both of you.

---

Actually, one thing that is pretty obvious in the tumblr but not in the game is his sadomasochism. In the abuse routes case, his masochism.

He's literally the kind of guy who would get turned on if you yelled at him.

Lines like

"You're so cute when you're mad."

"You're so feisty! I love it.."

" ... Did I ever tell you how nice it is to hear your voice like this? (You telling him he's trash I guess) It's just you and me now, and I have all the time in the world. Never stop being you."

---

And yes. I get it. Rat is an Innocent baby that has never hurt anyone.

Forcing him to abandon Rat is a special kind of hurt that hits different compared to him killing someone you know.

But at the end of the day, YOU are his devotion.

If he's gonna avoid you or punish you for being the kind of dick that would purposely do things to hurt him. A thing that would make complete sense for A NORMAL PERSON. Which he isn't.

It's just one of those moments where it's like..

"You stalked me for months. You should have known what kind of person I am, especially under duress.

You watched me be a dick to everyone in my life and went out of your way to buy furniture, my favourite snacks and books, kidnap me and bring me home.. just to decide that me being a dick is too much for you? What??"

---

To be honest, I kinda half expected the abuse route to be YN going hogwild, trashing his house, yes hurting rat too and trying to beat the shit out of him.

I mean. You want asshole right. Have you seen the kind of asks the tumblr gets?

---

In my head, the game is about exploring extremes, how he would respond to different personalities.

Which.. I mean, I get they can't cover everything and by now I know they're just kinda doing all this for fun and a lot of criticism will prob just fly through their head but..

Why am I writing this?

Simply because I can, tbh. Let it not be said that I have good self control. I don't.

They did have him comment on stuff when we wandered through the house though. Something that wasn't there in a previous update. So that's neat.

---

I KNOW the team and many fans have a special soft spot for the little baby and would never want to see them hurt. Give her plot armor for the time being then. I don't know.

"The devs don't want to hurt Rat! She's innocent! He will let you do this because he loves you but WE WON'T!!"

Game crash. Boom.

---

I mean he has already pivoted into a character that doesn't match the tumblr by day 3.

Its still sad to see even more ways he diverts from what he originally was. That's all I guess.

Space -

So they did a stream of the abuse route up till day 4.

This wasn't the route where he had coffee poured on him so I didn't see that.

---

The most notable thing is probably when YN asked YB to "get rid of Rat".

Though for me, the part that upset me the most was that he basically shut himself in his room and tried to avoid you.

---

Yes I get he's upset that you basically sentenced Rat to death but I never expected YB to be someone to TURN DOWN spending time with you, even if you're a jackass.

I mean. He's made for you so it's kinda.. I kinda assume your jackassery would be "part of the charm" for him. He may crack but I see him as someone who does things to cling closer to you when he snaps, not hide from you.

It's wild, he killed for you, drives 3 hours to see you, then gets turned off by your attitude within ONE day and turns down spending time with you. Bro. Dude.

You force yourself into his room (he actually tries to hold the door closed), fall and hit your head and end up tied up in your basement.

---

He pressures you to tell him if you love him with a knife. You have no choice but to nod. He carves into you with a knife because... uh..

-Oh, if I carved myself it's only fair as a couple if you have my name on your skin too!-

Which.. no. That's not him. It was completely non consensual as well.

---

This isn't YB in those scenes. I don't recognize that character. They mentioned that someone else wrote that one scene where he tries to keep you out of his room and I'm just... yeah. I can see the difference.

Lynn: In my head, I can see the situation with Rat being a point where it makes him see that maybe...just maybe...Y/N isn't all that amazing as his rose-colored view has led him to believe. This would be a great moment for his character to take time to self-reflect on things and really let him use his head by thinking things through this moment of clarity. ...But no. He doesn't get that. He gets robbed of a moment that could make his character more human, hell, it's a moment that would even benefit Y/N because he'd realize they aren't his love after all, and instead...He gets dropped into the crazy pit and sense is thrown out the window. All I can really say is this.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Is this what I am to you people? The fucking clown scholar? “Oh, let’s bait Derin with a post about milk and once they’ve got their fucking clown shoes on we can segue into a chemistry lesson!”

You wanna do this? Fine. But you’re the sixth person who’s asked, and I don’t know what background any of you have in chemistry, and I don’t want to do this again so I’m not taking any chances. You know what that means? We’re starting at the very beginning.

We’re learning ALL OF HIGH SCHOOL CHEMISTRY today. Atoms to orbitals. The whole fucking thing. (Not memorising any specific chemical equations, they’re not pertinent to the topic.) This is gonna be a long post, and too fucking bad.  You wanted the information, so here we are. YOU WANT A CIGARRETTE, YOU SMOKE THE WHOLE PACK, JOHNNY.

Part 1: What Is Everything, Anyway?

Exhibit one: some cheese.

What, deep down, IS cheese? Yes, it’s solid milk, but we’re not going thee, we’re DONE with the milk post, we have thoroughly explored milk. We’re talking about cheese now. Keep up.

All throughout the ages, philosophers have wondered: if I take a piece of cheese and cut it up, what do I get? Smaller pieces of cheese. And if I cut those up, I get smaller pieces. But what is the smallest possible piece of cheese? Is cheese, the pure substance of cheese, a substance unto itself, where if you have any cheese at all, it’s cheese… or is it a mixture of other things, things that are merely together, and not transmuted into their own substance of cheese? (Note: Philosophers throughout the ages may or may not have had these thoughts on cheese, specifically. The question is general to all substances. I was the one to bring in the cheese.)

Actually, you know what? There’s an easier way to do this. Exhibit two: some paint.

Here, you see yellow and red paint. Each is its own substance. They mix together to make an orange paint. Now, here is the philosophical question: is this orange paint still yellow and red n combination, like mixing together two colours of sand, or does the combination transmute the paint into a new thing? Is orange paint fundamentally its own paint, or if I cut it up small enough, would I get little pockets of red and yellow paint, or is it orange all the way down?

If I cut up my yellow paint into smaller and smaller portions, would I eventually end up with samples of oil and samples of yellow pigment, or did they become ‘yellow paint’ the moment I mixed them to make the paint? Is it yellow paint all the way down?

If I cut up the oil in my paint into smaller and smaller samples, would I eventually end up with whatever the olive tree used to mix the oil together? Or is oil simply oil, all the way down?

Some things in our environment are obvious mixtures of other things. But some are less obvious. What things around us fundamentally exist? Can one thing that fundamentally exists be transmuted into another, or can they only be mixed together; is everything a different mixture of some fundamental element (you and me and the tree and the ground and the ocean all still the same thing, if you cut us into small enough samples), or do they become fundamentally different no matter how much you zoom in?

You and I know the answer to this, of course, but it wasn’t always so obvious. Obviously, there was some number of fundamental substances that could exist (whether or not ‘cheese’ and ‘orange paint’ are among them), and it was going to have a size. The ‘smallest particle of a thing’ was known, in ancient Greece, as the atom (meaning “uncuttable”).

Part 2: What Everything Is, Anyway.

The philosophy of trying to figure out what all these atoms actually are, and whether they can turn into each other, and how many they are and what we can do with them, was a Wild West of scientific exploration known as alchemy. There’s a lot of hogwild stuff in there but we’re only interested in the parts that turned out to be useful. Eventually, through a lot of experimentation, we arrived at the idea of an atom having a structure kind of like this:

This model is technically wrong in several respects, but never mind that for now. Point is, the “uncuttable” atom turned out to be very cuttable, and contains three Kinds Of Thing, which we oh-so-imaginatively call subatomic particles. (Which are cuttable into quarks. Which are cuttable into strings. Which were the most fundamental thing we were aware of when I was still in science, but maybe we’ve theoretically cut them by now, too, I dunno. Last I heard we still agreed that Plank’s constant was the Smallest Possible Size A Thing Could Be, but you don’t need to know any of that for now.)

All we need here is subatomic particles. That’s as low as we’re going. And there are three kinds in an atom.

Neutrons take up space and add mass. They’re important for the stability of an atom. They’re completely uninteresting in the level of chemistry we’re covering in this post; you don’t need to know much about them.

Protons are almost exactly the same as neutrons, but there’s an important difference – they attract electrons. An atom is just a lump of protons and neutrons, that’s attracted some electrons to move around it, because of the protons.

Electrons are tiny whizzy things that attract protons. They’re smaller, lighter, and hang around the outside of an atom, so when atoms interact, it’s usually the electrons moving around. The coordinated movement of electrons is called ‘electricity’; you might be familiar with it.

For obvious reasons of math, we assign values to the attraction of the protons an electron. We call the attraction between them “charge”. A proton has a charge of +1. An electron has a charge of -1. So an atom with 2 protons and 2 electrons is neutral (no charge). If it loses an electron, so it’s got 2 protons and 1 electron, it’s got a charge of +1. It wants another -1 – an electron – to be neutral. See?

Why are protons positive and electrons negative? Why not the other way around? The designation is completely arbitrary. Some guy experimenting with charge (before we knew what protons and electrons were) had to choose a direction for the electrical current, and chose wrong. The math would actually be a lot easier if we made the electrons positive, since they’re the ones moving around, but some guy lost a theoretical coin flip generations ago and now every chemistry student has to learn to automatically reverse everything in their heads during their first year. So.

Neutrons are neutral. Protons are positive. Electrons are electricity (and also negative). Simple, right? There’s also a whole bunch of other subatomic particles, but you don’t need to know about those at this level. You only need these three.

Now, to the fundamental aspect of all chemistry (at this level):

- The behaviour of atoms comes down to electrons. How the electrons move, how the electrons are attracted to different atoms, how easily electrons are gained or lost. The rest of the atom (so long as it isn’t decaying) generally isn’t doing much except for creating an electric environment for electrons. Each Type Of Atom is determined mostly by its electron behaviour.

- The behaviour of electrons depends on the charge of the middle of the atom. Which is determined by the protons.

- The Type Of Atom is therefore determined by the number of protons it has.

The different fundamental types of matter, in this case atoms, are called “elements”. Now, imagine you live long before the atomic structure was discovered, and you really want to know about what stuff is made of. You want to discover these atoms, characterise them, figure out how many they are and what they do; so you put on your Alchemist Hat (probably not a literal hat, but I don’t know shit about alchemy, ask @normal-horoscopes​ if you want to know about that) and you start weighing stuff, you start burning stuff, you mix stuff with water and you mix it with sulphur and you mix it with oil, you measure temperatures and read light output and collect gases, and you start to chart stuff. You chart things that react in similar ways to similar things. And you and hundreds of other alchemists over generations find, that when you list everything in order of its atomic weight (hell in itself to determine) and then group it together, you end up with a chart that looks kind of like this:

Or the top half of it, at least. There are a lot of gaps, but by ordering stuff by weight and behaviour, now that you have a pattern, you know where those gaps are. You look at your Heaviest Measured Thing (which is probably somewhere around bismuth) and you have a minimum count of how many elements are in the world.

Remember what I said about protons determining what an element is? A chart of elements ordered by most common weight (there’s some variation for unusual neutron numbers, we don’t need to worry about that) is also a chart ordered by how many protons there are. See the little number in the upper left corner of each element’s box? That’s its atomic number. That’s the detail that determines almost everything else about it. That’s how many protons it has.

Hydrogen is hydrogen because it has one proton. Helium is helium because it has two. And so on and so forth, all the way down to Livermorium’s fat arse at 116. (Those ‘unknown’ ones down the bottom are atoms that haven’t been “discovered” yet. Huge atoms are really unstable so there’s some we haven’t been able to find in nature or make in a lab yet.)

Go make yourself a cup of tea, because we’re about to get to the actual topic I was asked about. We’re about to talk about electron orbitals.

You back? Okay. This – actually, this is going to be a lot. You might want to grab some biscuits, too.

Okay. Cool. Back to science.

Part 3: Why Atoms Do What They Do

Look at this periodic table again.

Ignore the pale blue middle and the bars down the bottom for now. You see the column labels up the top? 1A, 2A, all the way up to 8A? Everything in one of those columns behaves similarly to everything else in its column. Hydrogen is a little bit weird (for reasons that don’t matter here), but Lithium behaves like Sodium behaves like Potassium behaves like Rubidium. Flourine behaves like Chlorine behaves like Bromine behaves like Iodine. Helium behaves like Neon behaves like Argon behaves like Krypton. The column determines the element’s behaviour.

Why?

Well, remember when I said that the behaviour of an atom depends on how the electrons behave? Here’s our friend The Atom again:

This round boi is our good friend carbon. We know that because he’s labelled as such, but even if he wasn’t labelled, you could just count the protons (six), look up element 6 on the periodic table, and know he’s carbon that way. This particular carbon is neutral right now (6 protons, 6 electrons, so no charge), and if you look carefully, you’ll notice something we haven’t talked about about the electrons.

They’re in two separate layers.

These layers are called shells. Each shell can fit more electrons than the one before. Shell 1 can fit 2 electrons, shell 2 can fit 8, shell 3 can fit 18… there’s a formula for calculating this that your chemistry teacher will make you memorise but we don’t care about it here. Point is:

- electrons sit in shells around the nucleus of the atom.

- the outside shell is called the valent shell (valent = outer).

- for complicated reasons wedon’t need to get into yet, atoms really, really like having 8 electrons in their valent shell. 8-electron valent shells are really stable.

Almost everything about how atoms react with each other, and therefore almost everything about how they make things, everything about what separates One Fundamental Thing from Another Fundamental Thing and How They Make Different Things, comes down to two factors –

- atoms want to be neutral (no charge)

- atoms want 8 electrons in their outer shell (or 2, if it’s the first shell, because that’s all that can fit).

This is it. At a high school level, This Is Chemistry. If you understand these two things, then (aside from a couple of equations and chemical reactions your teacher will make you memorise), you will know or be able to logically derive almost everything a high school chemist is expected to know.

- atoms want to be neutral (no charge)

- atoms want 8 electrons in their outer shell

Look back up at the periodic table. Consider the layout. Consider the rows and columns.

The rows tell you how many electron shells the atom has (when it is neutral). Hydrogen and helium have electrons in one shell. By the time you get to Lithium, that shell is full; it has electrons in two shells, and so does nitrogen and oxygen. Sodium, Aluminium and Chlorine are three-shell atoms. And so on.

Let’s look at the columns again. Remember the 1A, 2A, etc up to 8A columns we talked about? Remember how I said that that’s really important in telling you how an atom reacts with other atoms? That column tells you how many electrons are in that atom’s valent shell (when it is neutral). Lithium and sodium both have one electron in their outer shell when neutral. They both want the same thing, and will behave in very similar ways to get it. Nitrogen and Phosphorous each have 5 in theirs. They’ll behave similarly to each other. Column 8A is very special; these guys have 8 electrons in their outer shell when they’re neutral. They’re the 1% of the chemistry world, born with everything they want, and they don’t have to work for anything. They’re called, appropriately, “noble gases”, and as a rule they don’t tend to react with anything. Why would they? They have what they want.

Part 4: Atomic Politics – Salt, Metal, Molecules

Let’s look at our carbon atom above again. He has 2 shells, and 4 atoms in his valent shell. If you check the periodic table, you’ll see him exactly where he’s expected to be; row 2, column 4A.

Okay, so how, exactly, does the number of electrons in the valent shell affect how an atom behaves? Well, an atom will try to get 8 electrons in its outer shell while keeping its charge as close to neutral as possible. Atoms will form three different kinds of bonds, depending on how many electrons they have in their outer shell (when neutral). The three types are:

low valent number + high valent number: ionic bond

low valent number + low valent number: metallic bond

medium/high valent number + high valent number: covalent bond

We’re gonna need our periodic table again for this.

Let’s say I’m a Sodium atom, all sad and lonely. I’m neutral (good) but I have his one single electron in my valent shell (bad). I really want 8. What’s to be done?

Let’s say my friend Chlorine is sauntering past. She’s in a shitty mood too, because although she’s neutral (good), she’s got seven electrons in her valent shell (bad). She really needs one more. What’s to be done?

Well, this is obviously a problem that solves itself. I ditch an electron and she picks it up. Now we both have full outer shells! Woo! Of course, I have a charge of +1 and she has a charge of -1, but so long as we stick together, that’s fine.

I am a positive ion/cation (positively charged atom). She is a negative ion/anion (negatively charged atom). We are stuck together electrically. This is called an ionic bond.

Things that are ionically bonded are called salts. As you’re probably aware, our example NaCl is table salt. If you put us in water, we’ll separate and make salt water. If you dissolve us on your tongue, our electric charge will taste “salty”. A solid salt won’t conduct electricity very well, but dissolved in water, it’s very conductive. Why? Well, remember that electricity is just electrical charge that’s moving. Dissolved in water the ions (atoms with charge, we all have charge now) can move around and make an electrical current easily.

Okay, but what if we need to exchange different amounts of electrons? What if I’m magnesium, running around with TWO extra electrons, and I run into my friend chlorine? She can’t solve my problem!

Of course she can. I just need TWO chlorines.

I can give them each an electron. Now we’re all happy! Instead of NaCl, we’re MgCl2. See how an atom’s position on the periodic table determines what kinds of chemicals it can make?

Okay, but let’s say nothing that needs one or two atoms is wandering around. Let’s say I’m Magnesium, and there’s just a bunch of other Magnesiums wandering around. We all want to ditch these electrons, but there’s nobody to pick them up! What happens now? Can we just kinda ditch them and… hang around, in the electron soup?

Sure we can!

This is called metallic bonding. This makes materials that tend to be shiny, malleable (easy to melt and reshape), and conduct heat and electricity easily. You’ve… you’ve seen metals before. You probably have an aluminium kitchen sink or something. Some coins. Zippers. The metal stuff in your life is metallically bonded. It’s easy to reshape because the atoms aren’t really stuck together in any structural way; they’re being held near each other by the electric charge between the atoms and their electron sea. They’re very conductive because, again, electricity is just moving charge. You can put some electrons into one end of a metal wire and suck some out the other end, no problem. That’s electricity. That’s how your electrical devices work. Some metals are magnetic, but we’re not going to be talking about magnets today. That’s beyond the scope of this talk. Ask your chemistry teacher.

Let’s look back at the periodic table. See how the elements are a bunch of colours to denote what kind of element they are?

Look at he legend at the bottom. Look at how many of those elements are some kind of metal. (note: alkali earth, actinide and lanthanide elements are types of metal too). It’s significantly more than half of the periodic table.

In chemistry, a ‘metal’ is something that likes to give up outer shell electrons. It’s something that can form these metallic bonds. So, if you’re ever unsure what kinds of bond something can form, check whether it’s a metal.

Metal + nonmetal = ionic bond

Metal + metal = metallic bond

Nonmetal + nonmetal = covalent bond

Right, so, that last kind of bond. We’ve done salts and metals, now it’s time to do everything else in existence.

Let’s say I’m something with a lot of electrons in my outer shell, but I need more. Oxygen, let’s say. I’m oxygen, I’m neutral, I’ve got 6 outer electrons. I need something to give me 2 more, but no metals are around. What am I supposed to do? I can’t just ditch six entire electrons, that’s bonkers. I need two more.

There’s another oxygen walking by. He also needs 2 more. But no metals are here to give us electrons! Just us! What are we supposed to do? Share??

... Actually, yeah. That works.

A covalent bond (co = shared, valent = outer [shell]) is just what it sounds like. 2 atoms who need more electrons to fill out their outer shell can share, like the Get Along Shirt.

For reference, when you see molecular diagrams, covalent bonds are usually drawn as straight lines. So our oxygen example above would be written like this:

2 lines for 2 covalent bonds. That’s all the lines in those complicated molecular diagrams mean. They’re showing you which atoms are covalently bonded to each other.

Now, let’s have a look at our friend carbon again.

Carbon is very special. Why? Well, just look at that valent shell. It wants eight electrons, it’s got four. You know what that means?

FOUR COVALENT BONDS, BABY.

There’s an entire field of chemistry called “organic chemistry” which is just about studying carbon molecules. Why? Because a massive number of critical molecules in all living things (and some not made by living things) are carbon based. Pretty much every molecule in your body more complicated than water is based on carbon. Because carbon can form four covalent bonds, it can be the central backbone for all kinds of wacky and wonderful structures, including most of the (non-water) things in you.

(Side note for the scifi fans – ever read or watch something where they speculate wildly about the possibility of silicon-based life? Want to know why silicon, specifically, is such a popular candidate for the basis of alien life? Look where silicon is on the periodic table.)

Part 5: Oil And Water, And Why They Don’t Play Nice With Each Other

This is a little bit off the topic of atomic structure, but while we’re talking about how atoms bond to each other, we might as well talk about how they bond to other molecules.

Molecules primarily stick together due to Van Der Waals forces (named after the dude who discovered them). They’re mathematically complicated and you don’t need to know much about them. All you really need to know is this:

- While a molecule might be neutral on the whole, it’s got a lot of electrons dipping around there. The charge around the molecule isn’t even.

- This means that bits of the molecule are positive while other bits are negative. This attracts or repels positive and negative bits of other molecules.

These forces are responsible for a lot of intermolecular behaviour, but we don’t care about most of that! The only one you need to know about at this level is polarity. Polarity is, in a sense, the difference between oil and water. (I mean… it’s not the only difference between oil and water. There are a lot of differences. I was just trying to sound dramatic, okay?)

Anyway. Some types of atoms attract electrons way more than other types do. So, if an electron loving atom bonds with an atom that’s more ‘meh’ about them, the electrons are going to spend way more time around the electron loving part. The molecule as a whole might be neutral, but if there’s a big difference in how attractive the different atoms in it are, you can end up with a ‘positively charged’ end and a ‘negatively charged’ end of a neutral molecule. This is the molecule’s polarity. The bigger the difference in charge in different parts of the molecule, the more polar it is.

You know what common molecule is pretty polar? Water.

Oxygen luuuuurves itself some atoms. Look at it, the atom hog.

So, what happens when you put a bunch of really polar atoms together?

They love each other! All those positive hydrogens going for the negative oxygens! Polar molecules are very ‘sticky’ with each other. And what happens to any ions they meet?

They love those too! That’s why salt dissolved really well in water – because water is so polar, its positive hydrogens or negative oxygens can be attracted to positive or negative charged particles. (Alcohols are also super polar, by the way, often more so than water. That’s why it’s even easier to dissolve stuff in alcohol.)

You want to know how polar a substance is? Liquefy it if you can (powder it if you can’t), and dissolve it in water. If it dissolves well, it’s pretty polar! In fact, not to overload you with too many terms, but we often call polar things hydrophilic and non-polar things hydrophobic, because the ability to dissolve in (or resist) water is so important.

Oils, quite famously, do not dissolve in water. Oils are, on the whole, not very polar at all. They are hydrophobic. If you put oil in water, the slightly positive hydrogens and slightly negative oxygens do not care; there’s very little charge to attract them. Oil doesn’t dissolve; it clumps together, and floats or sinks (depending on its density).

Now, this is important. There’s a really common misconception here, probably because of the word ‘hydrophobic’; a lot of people hear about polarity and walk away with completely the wrong idea, and if you want to understand chemistry, you have to avoid doing that.

The water molecules do NOT repel the oil molecules. On a molecular level, OIL DOES NOT REPEL WATER.

The water molecules are still attracted to the oil molecules, a little bit. What is happening is that the water molecules are more attracted to each other. Oil is not being repelled; it’s being pushed aside so the water can instead touch more water. This sounds like the same sort of thing but it absolutely isn’t. It’s like a hot air balloon. No matter how it looks, a hot air balloon that’s rising upwards is NOT being repelled by the earth. It’s being shunted upwards by air that is heavier. The hot air balloon is still attracted to the earth. It’s just attracted less than the surrounding air.

Same deal with oil in water. It looks like it’s being repelled, but it’s just being attracted less.

Anyway. Bubbles!

Why did I bring up bubbles? Because there’s one more thing you need to understand about polarity at this level, and that’s how we make polarity our bitch.

You’ve got a pan and it’s covered in oil. You scrub it in water but the oil won’t dissolve. You add some dishwashing liquid; now it does. Why?

Surfactants (soaps and detergents) are a special class of chemicals that are polar at one end, and non polar at the other. They have a hydrophobic end, and a hydrophilic end. Their hydrophobic end ends up buried in hydrophobic stuff (since water wants nothing to do with it), but water loved their hydrophilic end, and dissolves it.

Boom! Clean!

So what’s a soap bubble? Well, the non-polar ends of the detergent molecules end up hanging out with other non-polar stuff, like grease and fat and… air.

A bubble is a shell of water covered in soap. The polar (water loving) parts of the molecules face inward, to the water layer. The non-polar parts face outwards, towards the air inside or outside of the bubble. Why did I bother bringing this up? Well. It’s important for someone to know what they are, right?

Wanna see what YOU are?

This is a phospholipid. It’s a type of molecule in your body.

Don’t worry about the chemical diagrams; the bit we care about is that it has a hydrophobic head and a hydrophilic tail. Just like soap, right? A polar end for water, a non polar end for fat and grease. There’s a LOT of this in your body. Why is there a natural soap in your body? Why do you need to dissolve so much stuff?

You don’t. Phospholipids aren’t for dissolving stuff in your body.

They’re used for making your cell membranes.

This is what the ‘skin’ of each of your cells is made of. Non-polar tail in, protected from water. Polar head out, exposed to the water in your cell or outside it.

Other proteins and stuff floating around in the membrane, their polarity determining how they sit in it. The whole thing held together ONLY by the polarity of the water in your body.

You’re a huge stack of inside-out bubbles. That’s what you’re made of. Inside-out bubbles.

So there you have it. You now know how atoms behave, and how to read the periodic table. So we can –

Oh, what’s that? I didn’t answer the question? I never explained anything about the big blue chunk of transition metals I told you to ignore for now, you have no idea what the box of lanthanides and actinides is, I never answers the extremely important question of why atoms want 8 electrons in their valent shell in the first place and, oh yeah, wasn’t this post supposed to be about electron orbitals?

Okay. Fine. Buckle up. Maybe take a short break. Fix yourself an alcoholic beverage if you’re of legal drinking age in your country. If not… induce a sugar rush or something, I dunno. You’re going to need it.

It’s time to talk about electron subshells and orbitals.

Part 6: Why 8 Valent Electrons? (FINALLY, subshells and orbitals.)

Okay. So. We’re going to be looking at some complicated diagrams in this one. You do NOT need to memorise them.

I want to highlight that none of this is very complicated. But, if you haven’t seen it before, it might look a bit intimidating, because it’s new. But it’s NOT actually all that complicated.

If you only learned how to read the periodic table today, you might want to come back to this part of the post tomorrow. Sleep on what you’ve learned so far. Let the fiery thirst for further knowledge consume you. Or just keep reading, whatever, I’m not the Education Police.

Okay. So. Let’s look at our old and faithful friend, once again, the carbon atom diagram.

Now bid farewell to your old and faithful friend, the carbon atom diagram. Why? Because this diagram is BULLSHIT. All diagrams are simplifications, but this one is too simple for us, now. We need something more sophisticated. We need a more accurate visualisation of how electrons move around an atom.

Say hello to your new friend, the carbon atom diagram.

Yeah. I know. It’s a lot. But it’s not actually all that confusing, once you know what you’re looking at. And soon, you’re gonna know what you’re looking at.

So, why does everyone want 8 electrons in their valent shell (or 2 for the first shell)? Well, remember when I said that each shell can hold more electrons than the last? Remember when I said there was an equation for calculating how many electrons a shell can hold? Remember when I said you didn’t need to know that equation?

I lied. We’re gonna look at the equation.

I’m sorry. You were so brave and so strong, and I tried so hard to protect you. But I just can’t protect you any more. It’s… it’s time.

You’re going to have to do math.

Here’s the equation:

Electron capacity = 2n2

Where n is the shell number

So the first shell can fit 2 electrons, The second can fit 8. Third fits 18, 4th fits 32, 5th first 50… you get the picture. Why? Well, each shell has electron subshells. These shells are named after letters (you don’t need to know what the letters stand for), and each subshell type can hold 4 more electrons than the previous type, as follows:

s = 2 electrons

p = 6 electrons

d= 10 electrons

f = 14 electrons

You’re not gonna need to go any higher than that today. By the time you hit F, you’ve got a LOT of electrons.

Okay, the next thing about subshells – each shell has 1 more subshell than the previous shell. So:

Shell 1 = s subshell = 2 electrons

Shell 2 = s and p subshells = 8 electrons

Shell 3 = s and p and d subshells = 18 electrons

Shell 4 = s and p and d and f subshells = 32 electrons

And so on and soforth.

I just want to reassure you, the math is not going to get harder than this. Apart from the 2n2 up there, we are ONLY adding today. That’s it.

Here it is in chart form, if you’re bored of adding stuff:

See? One more subshell per shell. That’s all it is.

Now, let’s have another look at our friend the carbon atom.

There’s still a lot we don’t understand here, but a little bit of this should look familiar now. Specifically, 1s, 2s, and 2p – those are out subshells. (don’t worry about the x, y and z for now.) You might be able to guess, from context, that the fuzzy circles and ovals are the shapes of the subshells. (The blue shell is too tiny to show up here; it’s beneath the second shell).

The arrows in the boxes are our electrons. So let’s compare our jazzy updated carbon diagram to our old simplified diagram for a moment:

So, in the old diagram, we have a full inner shell of 2 electrons. We now know why there are only two, as we can see on our new diagram – there’s only one electron subshell in there, an s subshell, and it can only fit 2 electrons. If we look at our old carbon atom again, we can see that there are four electrons in its outer shell, as expected in a neutral carbon atom. We can see this on our new carbon atom, too – a full 2s subshell, and 2 electrons in the 2p subshell, a total of 4 electrons. And, of course, room for four more in the p subshell.

Okay. We understand how we’re looking at the same thing, just a bit more detailed? Right.

So, if we keep adding electrons to our carbon atom, we can fill up his 2p subshell, putting 8 electrons in his outer shell. That’s what he wants! 8 electrons is the maximum that the second shell can hold, and it’s the most stable configuration.

“Okay, fine, Derin, but what about atoms with more shells to fill up? What about potassium, or calcium, or arsenic? They can fit 18 electrons in their outer shell, so why do they aim for 8?”

Well. The shells don’t just fill in order. An atom doesn’t fill its first shell all the way, then its second, then its third, then its fourth. It’s a little more complicated than that.

I’m gonna show you a table. It might look a little overwhelming, but it is actually very simple, and I am going to explain it. Here is the table.

Okay, so all you’re looking at here is a list of the subshells in each shell. Remember? How each shell has one more subshell than the one before? So the first shell has 1s. The second has 2s and 2p. The third has 3s, 3p, and 3d. Et cetera. We saw another table of this a couple of minutes ago.

So why does this one have diagonal lines on it? Well, that shows you the order in which the subshells fill up. As you can see, it’s very regular, and very easy to predict. The order is listed down the bottom, so that sadistic chemistry teachers can make you memorise it, although if you don’t like memorising stuff it’s very easy to just draw out the chart once you understand what’s going on.

For this, you don’t need to memorise the details of this. Just appreciate its predictability and regularity. For our purposes, there’s one interesting fact here:

No matter how many electrons a shell can hold, the valent shell can never have more than eight electrons.

Look at the picture. Look at what’s going on. Let’s look at the third shell; we fill the s subshell, 2 electrons… then the p subshell, now we have 8… oh, then we move on to 4s2! The 3rd shell still has a d subshell to fill, but we move on to 4 first, so now our outer shell is 4, with 2 electrons! Okay, maybe we can get more than 8 in shell 4. We go back and fill in 3d10… then fill 4p6, putting 8 shells in 4, great… then onto shell 5! There’s still space for 24 electrons in shell 4, but it’s not our valent shell any more! 5 is, and we put 2 electrons in it before filling up 4’s next subshell!

See? A full valent shell had 8 electrons, no matter how many more it can hold. (Or 2, if it’s the 1st shell.)

So that’s why a full outer shell is 8.

Let’s look at our old friend the periodic table.

Hi, buddy! It’s been a while since we’ve seen you!

Remember that big blue box of transition metals in the middle that I told you to ignore earlier? And the lanthanides and actinides down the bottom? Well, we understand enough about atoms to talk about them now. Let’s look at this periodic table in terms of electron subshells. (Don’t worry, this isn’t hard. You know everything you need to know to do this now.)

Our top row has 1 shell, with 1 subshell in it: 1s2. Hydrogen has 1 electron in it (when neutral). Helium has 2, a full outer shell. Simple enough.

Next row is our second shell. It has 2 subshells. Lithium (puts 1 electron in 2s2, and Beryllium puts 2 in (when neutral). Boron to Neon fills up 2p6, with Neon having a full outer shell. No surprises here.

After 2p6 is 3s2, our first subshell in shell 3. Sodium sticks an electron in there. We fill up 3s2 and 3p6, then onto 4s2 for neutral Potassium and Calcium. So, what’s the deal with Scandium?

Scandium (when neutral) has one too many electrons for 4s2, so… check our chart above… it sticks it in 3d10. Scandium to Zinc are filling up more of the third shell, NOT their valent shell (the fourth one). The table is laid out like this because they still have 2 electrons in their outer shell, like Calcium. If we keep going, we start filling out 4p6 at Gallium, once again increasing the electrons in our valent shell like normal, then 5s2 for Rubidium and Strontium, then… oh, we’re back to filling out an inner shell again. 4D10, this time. And later, our actinides and lanthanides start filling out our f shells.

You see how the subshells, and the order they’re filled out in, correspond to the periodic table? You see how this affects how different atoms behave?

Fantastic. Go get more tea or alcohol or whatever you’re drinking. We have one level deeper to go.

Part 7: Okay, NOW we can talk about orbitals

So we know how atoms bond and why they bond the way they do (they want to be neutral and have 8 electrons in their outer shell, or 2 for the first shell). We know why they want 8 electrons (that’s the highest number of electrons an outer shell can have, because of how the subshells fill up). We know why each shell can hold a maximum of 2n2 electrons (each has 1 more subshell than the last shell, and each subshell can hold 4 more electrons than the previous kind of subshell). But why can each subshell hold 4 more than the previous kind? What determines how many electrons a subshell can hold?

It’s time to talk about orbitals.

Let’s greet our friend the carbon atom again.

In a couple of minutes, you’ll completely understand this diagram. We’ve come so far today! Well done!

So we already recognise most of this. We have 3 subshells, each with 2 electrons (represented by arrows) for a total of six electrons, making a neutral carbon atom.

There are 2 electrons in the 1s subshell, making a complete first shell. There are four electrons in our second shell, our valent shell, as expected in a neutral carbon atom. We have a full 2s subshell, and the last 2 electrons have been put in 2p, as expected. This all lines up with what we’ve learned about how electrons behave.

Okay, let’s talk about the little x, y and z.

As you’ve probably guessed from context, these are our orbitals. Each orbital can hold 2 electrons. Each type of subshell has a set number of orbitals. Knowing how many electrons each subshell can hold, you’ve probably already derived how many orbitals each one has:

s =1

p = 3

d = 5

f = 7

etc.

Why does each subshell have 2 more orbitals than the previous one? That question is a bit beyond the scope of this. This is as deep as we’re going to day.

An orbital is the shape of an electron’s orbit. Well… technically it’s the probability cloud in which the electron exists somewhere (or everywhere, probabilistically,) but we’re not going into quantum physics today so you can think of it as the shape of the orbit. Electrons can have “spin” in one of two directions as the move (called up and down), and an orbital can accommodate a maximum of 1 type of electron because of how probability fields work. That’s why each orbital can hold 2 electrons; 1 up, and 1 down.

And yes, that’s why electrons are represented as up and down arrows on our friend the carbon atom diagram up there. Take another look at our buddy, at how the electrons are filling the p subshell. 1 per orbital with an up spin. If we were to keep adding electrons to the atom, it’d stick one in each p orbital until they each have one, then go back and cram 1 with the opposite spin in each. Then, when it runs out of orbitals, it’d move onto the 3s subshell.

Wanna see the shapes of the orbitals of the different subshells? You won’t need to memorise this for anything, but some of them look pretty wacky.

Anyway. That’s how orbitals work.

Part 8: A Bonus Chapter On Magnets

Since we’re talking about electron spin, we might as well talk about magnets.

As you are probably aware, some metals are magnetic. (By which I mean, magnetic enough for you to notice in everyday life. Technically these are “ferromagnetic”, but don’t worry about that right now.) Some aren’t. Why? Well, magnetism is a function of an electron’s spin. A full orbital isn’t magnetic; it has 1 up electron and 1 down electron. They cancel out. A half full orbital isn’t magnetic enough to matter, either – not on its own, anyway.

But let’s look at carbon again.

Remember what I said about how orbitals fill up? How all the orbitals in a subshell get 1 electron, and when it’s time to add more after that, a second one of opposite spin gets shoved in?

Have a look at your periodic table. Mark out any magnetic elements you know of. Have a look at where they are on the table.

Notice anything?

- they’re all filling up big non-valent subshells.

- they tend to have a lot of orbitals with only 1 electron in them.

- thus, they don’t have the same number of ‘up’ and ‘down’ electrons. The electron spins don’t cancel out.

So now you know what elements can be magnetised – anything with enough unpaired electrons. And, because of how orbitals fill up (which you’ve already learned about), you know that’s stuff that’s around halfway through filling up a big orbital.

And that’s how magnetic metals work.

Part 9: Back To Milk

SO. To the thing that prompted this whole explanation; oceaneyes’ discovery of elemental milk (https://e-the-village-cryptid.tumblr.com/post/672924121768787968/can-someone-please-explain-to-me-what-evaporated ).

- @oceaneyes1834​  describes milk as “the forbidden 119th element”, despite placing it after Lutetium (element 71). To discover an element with 119 protons that can be reliable placed directly after one with 71 protons on the periodic table would overturn the entire field of chemistry as we know it on its own, so I will continue under the assumption that Oceaneyes misspoke, and this is indeed the 72-proton element.

This fascinating discovery means:

- Milk is an isotope of Halfnium in which the electrons behave differently to standard Halfnium. Why? Some effect of a different number of neutrons, never before seen in any of the numerous observed isotopes of multiple other elements? Or some fundamental thing, some otherness within the makeup of milk itself that differs it from halfmium? Is there more to the atom than subatomic particles after all? IS THE ORANGE PAINT NOT A MIXTURE OF YELLOW AND RED, BUT FUNDAMENTALLY ITS OWN THING???

- Milk has found a way to place a fifteenth electron in the 4f subshell, something which should be impossible. Note that there is no space for another electron in the 5f subshell. All f subshells should be identical, so… what?? If 4f not an f subshell at all, but something new and strange? What is milk???

- This is the most shocking thing of all. This last bit, I cannot get my head around. Forget the atomic number, forget being a strange variant on halfnium, this is the true revolution in chemistry. This designation of milk reveals that the 4f subshell has a maximum number of 15 electrons, which is an odd number. A discovery of a whole new type of orbital – the monoelectron orbital. This overturns everything we know about quantum electron behaviour! An orbital that can hold an electron of only one spin?? What??? That is simply not how electron probability fields work! This is an entire new paradigm in chemistry AND physics! Not to mention the applications – remember above, when we talked about magnetic substances having unpaired electrons in them? How they’re substances that half fill their orbitals, so they have extra electrons spinning one way? Can you imagine what the discovery of an orbital that can only hold one type of electron spin will do for magnetics???

Truly, this discovery is monumental.

[narcoticwriter]

itto

Thanks for the ask! I may or may not go hogwild, so it'll be under the cut:

Favorite Thing About Them?

How much this guy cares.

Someone's getting mistreated? He's backing them up.

A village of oni needs help? He's got it, no questions asked.

The Arataki Gang? He took them all in and accepts them as they are.

Stuck in a cavern? He'll punch his way out. Literally.

Youkai wanna have a festival? Well, he's on it and he'll do it all himself?

You graduate? He's arranging a whole celebration for your achievements.

He just cares so much about everything and he does so with an intensity that is fierce and an intensity that you can feel.

I love him.

Least Favorite Thing About Them?

I'll be the first to say that I would like for him to think on occasion.

The intensity with which he acts on things without reasoning through them gets him into more trouble than not.

I guarantee you that if he actually took things into consideration, he'd have had a bit more success in his life.

He can still do the damn thing, but at least he wouldn't be running in blind.

Favorite Line?

Boy, do I have a lot of them. I'll do the top three starting from the bottom:

"Hey, this is the mighty Arataki "Above All, Bold-Blooded" Itto you're talking to here! I'm a say-what-I-mean, mean-what-I-say, might-sound-mean-but-I-say-it-anyway kinda guy. And I say, we're gonna have this duel!" (The delivery)

"What can you possibly find inside? It can't be a living person, can it, hahaha... Whoa!" (Again, the delivery)

Arataki Itto: Hello (The line that reeled me in)

BONUS: "If you wanna take my Vision, you're gonna need a lot more people. 'Cause I'm Arataki Itto, The Supreme, The One and Oni!" (Character Demo, this shit dragged me into Genshin Impact in the first place)

BROTP?

Itto, Thoma, and Ayato are already a given and pretty much the closet thing to canon but hear me out:

Itto and Bennett.

They would get along so well because Bennett would be like 'oh no my bad luck' and Itto would be like 'that's nonsense because you're like one of the best guys I've met'.

They'd go adventuring too.

ALSO: Itto and Eula. They're not as similar as you'd think, but we already KNOW that Itto wouldn't tolerate people treating Eula bad over something she can't control because he knows all about that.

Itto and Zhongli but I'm already doing something with that one-

OTP?

You see, the only one I can see for me personally is Itto and Sara, but even then, I'd want them to be friends first.

The dynamics of them both being youkai as well as their own individuals struggling around that identity have so much potential, I'm telling you.

Other than that, I haven't seen any, but I will say that there's a case for Itto and Yoimiya. Just a bit. It's not my favorite, but I see where people are coming from with that one.

So in general, even if you did see me in my Ittosara phase, I'm over it and just want people to be friends with each other I guess.

NOTP?

. . . I don't have any? I think? Besides the obvious ones involving literal children?

I don't actively decry any ships that have some basis, really.

Random Headcanon?

You cannot tell me that this man wouldn't try snorting Pixy Sticks at least once.

Unpopular Opinion?

I really don't get why people only see him as an idiot.

He has his moments, sure, but in multiple instances, he's shown an incredible aptitude for reading certain situations and managing to solve the problem as well as gain the respect of others.

There's also the horniness and while I am the last person to bash people for anything of the sort, that seems to be the majority of the content for him.

I like digging deep into characters and really forming attachments to them based on the attributes I see and on occasion, I'm disheartened by the fact that I seem to be the only one who does.

But hey, who else is going to do the work if not me?

Song I Associate With Them?

Oh, this is interesting. I obviously associate his theme with him, but I feel as if that's too easy . . .

Got it. Escape From The City or City Escape from the Sonic Adventure 2 OST. The lyrics, the music, the sound . . .

It's definitely Itto.

Favorite Picture of Them?

I'm sure you can understand why.

Ask

[xandriagreat]

The Paw | chapter 1

First chapter | Next chapter

Notice/Warnings: chase, stealing, food/eating

▪▪▪

Diane Foxington stood in front of the local bank. She smiled her sly smile as she walked in. 

Everyone didn’t notice her as she walked by, because she was wearing sunglasses and a scarf over her head.

She stopped walking and stood by one of the bankers, who was working at a computer. “Hello, how can we help you today?” the banker asked. She looked at that banker, smiling softly as she took off the sunglasses and slipped her scarf off of her head, it just hang around her neck.

“Oh, you know, just robbing this place.” she replied, her voice smooth as silk. “So, don’t panic.”

Everyone froze before they ran screaming when they saw Diane.  She noticed that the vault was open. 

So she ran there, grabbed two bags full of money, ran to a window and jumped out of it. She ran into an alleyway, got her motorcycle out, put the money in a secret compartment in the motorcycle before she got on, and drove out quickly.

Diane laughed. 

She felt so alive as she drove on the road fast. She heard the sounds of the cop cars, and glanced to recozing one is the famous chief of police, Misty Luggins. ‘Oh this is going to be fun.’ She thought, revving and going quickly. 

She was able to lose some of the cops by jumping over traffic by a plank that was almost off of a pick-up truck, going through a construction site, and then knocked down some trash cans.

Diane continued to drive since the chief was still on her tail with other cops. 

She did almost jump when the chief was close to her. “Oh hi, chief!” she exclaimed like she was seeing an old friend. “How have you been?”

The chief started to become red and started to yell, “Oh don’t ‘how have you been’ me-!”

Diane looked back at the road and looked back at the chief, pointing at something. “Hey, chief.”

“What?!”

The chief looked at what Diane was pointing at. The chief was about to crash into the back of a bus.

“AAAAHHH!” The chief screamed, moving out of the way before her car hit the bus, giving Diane the chance to go faster.

The chase continued.

Then more cop cars came towards her on the other side of the road, no escape.

With both sides of the road were blocked by the cops, Diane noticed a staircase on the sidewalk going down.

“Bye bye!” she yelled, then she quickly turned and went down the stairs. The cop cars ended up crashing into each other while Diane tried to keep her motorcycle straight while going down the stairs, trying to be calm.

When she got back on the road, anyone could tell that she was sweating and started to calm down. Diane smiled and put her sunglasses on as she heard the chief shout, “Keep runnin’ Fox! Someday, your luck will run out!”

Diena just laughed softly as she drove.

☆◇

Diane slowed down as she went into the abandoned part of the city. 

She got the money out of the secret compartment in the motorcycle before she went to a garage and put her bike in it. 

She closed the garage as she got her bike on a platform.

Diane got a generator on and the place came to life. The platform that the motorcycle was on went down with her other vehicles and weapons. She went inside with the money.

She smiled when she saw all of the stuff that she stole for the past years was still there as she left it. 

“Another great day.” Diane said out loud as she walked in. She puts the money with the rest of the other money.  

She looked at some photos that were on the fridge. They were all of her old friends; Pam Kitty Cat, Emily Lou Hogwild, Joy Doom, and Ronnda Shortfuse.

She smiled at the photos before she opened the fridge and got a vanilla cupcake with red frosting out that she got earlier that week. 

Diane went to the couch with the cupcake. “Let’s see what they’re talking about me today.” she said to herself, turning the TV on. 

The TV showed the news with a banner that read: BREAKING NEWS!

Tiffany Fluffit, an excited and ambitious young news reporter, who had been eagerly waiting for a big break as a reporter and finally got it. 

“This is Tiffany Fluffit, Channel Six Action News.” Tiffany Fluffit exclaimed. “Diane Paw, or aka The Crimson Paw, aka The Paw, has struck again, with her most brazen heist yet!” 

Diane chuckled and ate the cupcake.

“Once more, she is the most diabolical criminal of our Time-!” the reporter resumed.

“Hm, diabolical, that’s new.” Diane hummed, as she ate more of the cupcake.

The news reporter continued, “Here to address this heinous crime spree is the newly elected governor, Moe Wolf.”

“Governor?” Diane gasped, amazed that she got the attention from someone high as the government.

This is a BIG time!

On the TV screen, a sophisticated-looking wolf with a powerful business suit and a ‘don’t-mess-with-me’ air about him as he came on screen with a few other animals (a snake, piranha, shark, and a tarantula) that had the same feeling.

The gaggle of reporters fired questions as the new governor stepped up to the microphone. The wolf raised his hand and said, “Okay, yes I hear you. Listen, listen, we all know how dastardly The Paw is…”

“You bet I am!” Diane answered, finishing eating with the cupcake.

“But more than anything,” Moe chuckled, “I feel sorry for her.” 

Diane stared at the screen in horror. “I’m sorry- what?!”

The Governor Moe Wolf continued, “This so-called ‘Paw’ is really just a second rate has-been. Behind the amateurish antics and, frankly, unoriginal capers. I mean, really, Another bank?” He chuckled and then sighed before he continued, “It is nothing but a deep well of anger-”

“Who says I’m angry?” Diane asked out loud.

“Denial-” The Governor added.

“What- no!”

“- self-loathing-” Before Moe Wolf continues with this very uncomfortable list from word vomit, the Snake, one of the other animals that went on the stage with The Governor, jumps on him and puts his tail over his mouth. 

The Governor didn’t fall over when jumped, he retained his blaclence.

“What the governor is trying to say,” the snake said, “those are holes that no amount of cash or priceless art can ever fill.” He removed his tail from Moe’s mouth. “Ain’t that right?” he asked, smiling.

Wolf nodded and said, “That’s right.”

The Snake smiled and went back to the others while Diane glared at the two government officials on the TV, uncomfortable. 

She’s used to being feared, hating, and (sometimes) admired. But no one has EVER admitted to pitied and felt bad for her.

She wasn’t sure how to react to it. “Who are you to judge me?” Diane growled. “You don’t know me.”

The Governor Wolf looked at the others, they nodded as if to say continue. He smiled like he had more to say to the public,

“So, let’s forget about The Paw,” he said, confidently. “And let’s focus on more positive things! And what could be more positive than the Good Samaritan Awards, where I will present the Golden Dolphin to this year’s Goodest Citizen.” 

Diane turned the TV off with the remote, fumming. She didn’t want to hear more. She sighed and looked out the window. She saw one of the giant billboards that she could see from her place. 

It was annocunning the Good Samaritan Awards with a picture of the Golden Dolphin and this year’s good samaritan; Professor Marmalade. A guinea pig.

Diane knew that every criminal have been broken who has tried to steal Golden Dolphin: The Bucharest Bandits, Lucky Jim, The Bad Guys-

Well, The Bad Guys were never arrested but they never stole again.

Diane starts to smile big as she thinks of her next heist. “Hmm… getting the Golden Dolphin will show ‘em that I’m not those words.”

She got a plan ready and prepared herself ready for tomorrow's heist.

[squadron-of-damned]

I am just going to gently attach these from Lu, because someone went hogwild in the tags and we love that.

#holy fucking shit??? great gran frieda??? hanging whatever her sons have painted for her??? #boy oh BOY now i think i can give her a gold star sticker *slaps it on* maybe shes not much of a cunt as i thought initially i mean- #she still is but a little less of a cunt- like 00000.1 less of a cunt- little less cunty than the average cunt #little manny and friedrich reciting poems for mom and then playing the tuba and the violin(? man#you didnt mention her but auntie gris also doing her littlest effort with the harp like :0

#finally siegfried saying thst being 5 isnt old enough for a knife strangely reasonable and its coming from him so ig that is good #little marky and wolfgang making a picnic for mom nom nom nom eating away the little sandwiches and pastries like nom nom nom #i did forget for a minute manny's wife passed away so the thought of a little fran with a burked pancake at age 3 was like... man it hurt#little fran with a frying pan that's 2-3x her size or maybe she'd use the tiny ones that arent bigger than a plate to hold teacup

#also little thought like gandulf tinkering around with things and someone being like 'what u making for your mom' and he ansers w smth like #'i have 3' ans the person who asked is so fucking baffled LMAO little gandulf is... tinkering around with great grandpappy did #i feel that frieda would find it a bit irritating but oooh her getting a dust-collecting trinket from him like he is VERY proud#again biggest flex is that he named three important bits in this one thing after his moms and it got sent out to space!!!

#arnborg W for being part of a death metal band I didnt expect that from him- besides making little model airplanes#sounds like the dad who has a set of [insert interest] in the garage or basement like teent tiny figures#feeling a little sad for ilse and jörgun for not having a mom around BUT they can spend them with grannies!!! oh and little gretchen well#tbh most likely they would have a picnic or some shit- i want to imagine that they'd have a picnic or maybe they would just help around and#feel a little less lonely like... ugh i cannot word it entirely but anyway they spend a good day with meemaws and they bake!!!

#keks is the sort of child that would do something for mother's day regardless if edith said no like 'dad what're we doing for mother's day'#and markov would be like 'nothing and 1) call me father is is better and 2) edith isnt your mom'#but not in a malicious way but the sort of 'we got married for tax and insurance benefit and tbh idk if she'd be comfortable with it'#von karma fan family

no but genuine question... how do the von karmas celebrate mother's day, if they do at all? i'm assuming it was different for everyone. the mental image of a little manny making pancakes for his ma is very cute and little nikolle making up a card full of glitter and hearts for the best mom (and prosecutor) is heartwarming. just leave it to nikolle and phoenix (bigger phoenix?) and unicorn.

biggest flex is gandulf having three moms and his kids having three grannies, go webers!

Truth be told, I haven't thought about it much, so while I have been Stardewing some Valleys, I have been thinking about it. (It does help that I have recently added the Ridgeside Village mod and have been meeting the Amethynes. The butler is unfortunately not romanceable and neither is the grumpy scientist at the river, but oh well, my farmer is already married, we don't have to make this into a dating sim, just this once.)

I don't think Frieda got to know her mother much, so she didn't get to really celebrate Mother's Day... which is probably why it wasn't much of a thing for her.

Herman and Siegfried grew up attending a public school. A very good school, but still it brought up teachers having certain expectations about what is celebrated in families, and so they both had to make "Happy Mother's Day" card every year in their Crafts & Arts class. Mother Frieda thought the result a garbage and the boys did completely agree with her, but they still had to make them. So they made a tradition of ceremoniously throwing out the cards or paper flowers or whatever dust-collecting decoration the teacher had them make, and instead they were allowed to paint something with Frieda's oils or temperas or watercolors, and if it was good, Frieda hung it up in the gallery for a year and then replaced it with whatever they made next year. Siegfried was a disaster with paints, though, and since he quickly got out of the house to study abroad, his pictures had never quite made it.

Friedrich and Manfred most likely had to deal with private tutors and as such their mother got to have a say about that. Therefore they had probably practiced a short poem of a noteworthy poet and showed off some musical skills. There probably were pancakes for breakfast as a celebration, but I don't think that Manfred actually got to cooking until he was an adult trying to live on his own. But once he was an adult and visited his mother, he definitely made pancakes for breakfast, Mother's Day or not, because he was happy to see her. (Herman probably never got pancakes made specifically for him. He was respected, he was obeyed, he was feared, but frankly both of his children had to reach the conclusion that they would have been better off without him, at least mentally.)

Wolfgang and Markov (and Siegfried) celebrated with their mother with a picnic outside. Once they were old enough to carry some responsibilities and be allowed with a sharp knife without supervision (here Siegfried disagreed that five was old enough, but he conceded that fine, sharp knives and going alone on public transport only once they start attending the elementary school), it meant that they prepared and planned the picnic and took care of mother's duties for the day. Hence Markov knowing how to do laundry and knowing that he absolutely hates it.

Helena, Leonore and very baby Franziska probably also got to celebrate with pancakes, the secret of the perfect von Karma pancakes passed down from Manfred to the eldest daughter and from thereto the younger ones. then Ms. von Karma was tragically lost to the world before Franziska was old enough to fold a frying pan without being outweighed and outbalanced by it, so she might have never actually learned how to make the perfect pancakes. It's not like Manfred kept his personal cooking notes in public access...

Gandulf, if he rememberes when Mother's Day is, gifts his mothers decorations that eh hand-made. As a young boy it was exactly that kind of dust-producing trinkets Frieda hated, but nowadays it's intricate engineering stuff, and actually last year he named after his mothers the three core segments of the space probe that was sent to monitor the moons of Neptune!

Nikolle (besides being taught the pancake secret) always pick a theater play or a concert, purchases the tickets from her allowance (and as she gets older, from her savings from her part-time jobs), and they attend as a family. One year she tried to have a teenage rebellion and picked out a death metal band only to find out later when Arnborg was "randomly" picked out of the crowd and pulled on stage that a) her dad can absolutely shred it, and much to the horror of both the ladies, b) said dad used to be a member of the band long long time before she was born, back when he was still attending the university. Since then Nikolle does a thorough background check on whatever she wants to attend.

Ilse, Jörgun and Gretchen do not celebrate Mother's Day on the accounts of their mother not living with them anymore. Ilse and Jörgun used to celebrate it by performing a dance number and taking over the kitchen, but that's pretty much it.

Not to speak for Vani regarding Keks, but if Edith got to have a say about Mother's Day, it was "Don't."

[aftermathfanfic]

Part 2, Chapter 16

“And now! Channel Three News, with reporter Roxanne Featherly!”

“Good evening. Tonight, we have a special report on the recent terrorist attacks in Paris. Who was behind them, and what did they hope to gain? Later, insiders speak on the realities of working for Glomgold Industries! And Gizmoduck – is he doing more harm than good? All this and more on Channel Three News!”

“Okay, fifteen secs for the intro.”

Roxanne sighed irritably as the bombastic music played, quickly stretching her neck before she went back on air. As the music finished, she straightened her back and took a firmer posture, her eyes trained on the newsreader in front of her.

“At eleven-twenty-one PM, last Saturday night, residents of Paris were abruptly awoken by the sound of explosions, coming from deep below the earth.” Roxanne read. “In what has been described as an ‘unexpected’ and ‘shocking’ terrorist attack, a section of the underground Paris catacombs was detonated and collapsed, causing significant damage to the structures and streets above. According to our foreign correspondents, although nobody was killed in the attack, fifty-six people were injured, with seven left in critical condition.”

The screen behind her changed to display an aerial shot of Paris, showing the partially collapsed streets and buildings.

“It is currently unknown who was behind the attack, nor do we know what they were after. What we do know is that, by strange coincidence, McDuck and his family had arrived in the city just the morning before, and were apprehended by the local police force close to the scene of the incident.”

The screen changed once more, showing a video of Scrooge McDuck wading through a crowd of journalists, trying to get to a car. His expression was one of frustration and embarrassment, trying to ignore the questions and the cameras.

“The police found them trespassing through catacomb tunnels designated as ‘off-limits’ to civilians and tourists. Though it is unknown what McDuck was doing there exactly, it’s safe to presume that his family was at least tangentially involved in the attack, with many people believing that the attack was specifically meant to target him, or that he was trying to stop the attack. Mayor Hogwilde’s theory for McDuck’s presence was notably harsher, speaking in a radio interview the other day.”

A picture of Hogwilde appeared on the screen, beside which was a soundwave image that fluctuated with his voice. “I think, though I stress that I’m merely speculating here, that this is simply another disastrous consequence of Mr McDuck and his ‘adventures’. I’m sure he didn’t intend for this to happen, the same way he didn’t intend to flatten Duckburg with a giant beanstalk. That alone cost almost five billion dollars in repairs, so I dread to imagine what this incident will cost the Parisians.”

“We reached out to the mayor’s office to ask for an interview, in the hope that he would elaborate on these comments, but they declined.” Roxanne continued. “We also reached out to the McDuck estate, but they also declined. With no straight answers from either our resident adventurers or even the Parisian authorities, all we can do is speculate and wonder what, exactly, McDuck was up to. We’re joining foreign correspondent Sam Niell, who is currently in the City of Light…”

---------------------------------------------    

Chanda waited impatiently at the park table, facing the park gate with her arms folded across her chest. The afternoon sun was hanging overhead, the warmth combating the cool spring breeze.

Finally, after an hour waiting, she saw him arrive. He pushed through the park gate and walked towards her, wearing a bright yellow hoodie and an accompanying yellow beanie. He walked towards her with a confident smirk, his hand in his pocket and a backpack slung across his shoulder. Chanda stared at him as he approached, inspecting him with a look of disdain and suspicion.

“So,” Louie asked. “You ready to go?”

“Not until you explain why you’re wearing… whatever the hell this is.” Chanda retorted.

“Ah,” Louie picked at his jacket, grinning. “This is my disguise.”

“…Okay.” Chanda narrowed her eyes. “Ignoring the fact that your idea of a disguise is to change the colour of your clothes and put on a hat, why do you need a disguise?”

“Well… let’s say that the guy we’re seeing might not be on the nicest terms with my family. So, I’m covering my bases.”

“And you think it’s actually going to work?”

“Oh, yeah.” Louie said confidently.

Chanda stared at him for a moment, trying to determine whether he was serious. Then, with a roll of her eyes, she stood up to join him, muttering, “It’s your head.”

The two of them made their way to the nearest bus stop, Chanda following behind her charge with her hands in her jacket pockets. They waited a few minutes for the bus to arrive, sitting beside each other in silence. When it did, they made their way to the back of the bus and sat down.

“…So where are we headed?” Chanda asked.

“You’ll see.” Louie replied enigmatically.

“…And I don’t get to know who we’re seeing?”

“Nope.”

“So what do I get to know?” Chanda demanded frustratedly.

In response, Louie took off his backpack, a smug smile on his beak. He unzipped the main pocket and angled the opening towards her, saying quietly, “You get to know the payout.”

Chanda looked inside, frowning. At the bottom of the backpack was a clump of bubble wrap, encasing something within. Slowly, she reached into the pack and took one, bringing it closer for her to look at, but still keeping it within the bag. Squinting a bit, she could see within the plastic padding was what looked to be a miniature blue sarcophagus sculpture with a jackal’s head, about five inches in length.

“…What is…?” Chanda began to ask.

“That is what’s known as a shabti, from New Kingdom Egypt.” Louie explained, keeping his voice down. “Supposedly, these things were placed in pharaoh’s tombs to be his servants in the afterlife. This one was found in some weird vault-thing in Turkey, but the inscriptions apparently say that the thing was meant for some guy called… Seti the First? Something like that.”

“How much do you think it’s worth?”

“Forty-thousand dollars.” Louie answered casually.

Chanda suddenly looked up at him, her gloominess replaced almost instantly by stunned disbelief.

“Oh, yeah. Welcome to Louie Inc.” Louie said with a grin. “That’s an ‘at least’ figure, by the way, so we can potentially bump that price up to sixty, possibly even eighty with this guy.” He chuckled. “That ten percent isn’t looking too bad now, is it?”

“Where did you get this?” Chanda whispered incredulously.

Louie leaned back in his seat. “Long story short? My family was at this antiques auction, right? And we bought something that turned out to be a counterfeit. A complete fake. And the story behind that is a little convoluted; the real one was supposed to be this all-powerful magic artifact, the guy who sold it expected this other guy to nab it, blah blah blah.” Louie waved his hand dismissively. “I go back to the seller and he’s all, ‘sorry, I didn’t expect someone with a degree of actual intelligence would actually buy this’, and he offered this little thing in exchange for us not letting slip any rumours of… phoney goods.”

“He gave you an artifact worth forty grand?”

“Well, I blackmailed him. Comes down to the same thing.”

Chanda gently put the shabti back in the bag, suddenly and conspicuously aware of just how valuable it was. “Forty…” She murmured, still trying to wrap her head around it. “I could…”

“You could do a lot of things.”

“But that’s enough for… I don’t know, at least three months’ worth of medicine!” Chanda cried. “That’s…!” She looked around, then asked in a hushed voice, “That’s our first gig?”

“Yup. And trust me, it’s only gonna get better from here.”

“…Okay.” Chanda leant back in her seat, a slight smile to her beak. “Alright, Louie Duck. Maybe you’re not as much of a dickhead as I thought.”

---------------------------------------------    

Chanda’s heightened respect lasted until they reached Glomgold’s estate.

“What the-” She gasped, stopping dead as they approached the gates, the wrought iron bars emblazoned with an impression of the ex-billionaire’s face.

“Don’t worry about it.” Louie told her dismissively.

“That lunatic?” Chanda hissed hysterically. “The crazy millionaire who tries to kill your family on a weekly basis?”

“Emphasis on ‘tries’.”

“Are you fucking insane?” Chanda grabbed him by the arm, demanding furiously, “He’ll see through this in a second!”

“No, he won’t, I’ve done this before!” Louie snapped, pushing her off of him. “Trust me, this is a watertight scheme! I wouldn’t be doing this otherwise!”

“What if you’re wrong? What if he gets smart and tries to get revenge? You know what that guy has access to, what if he tracks me and my mother down?”

“Uh… well, then it’s a good thing that you are not Chanda Kulavaan today, you… are…”

Louie quickly reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, rapidly typing something while Chanda stared at him.

“…Mataji Ahuja!” Louie finished, looking back up at her victoriously.

“…Did you just search ‘random Indian name’?” Chanda demanded accusingly.

“And now you’re certifiably anonymous.” Louie replied. “Now come on.”

He resumed walking to the gates of the property, adjusting his beanie as he did. Chanda followed him after a moment, looking much warier than she had before. Once they had reached the iron bars of the gate, Louie pressed a button on a nearby intercom and waiting for a response.

“…Wasn’t he fired from his company?” Chanda asked worriedly. “He might refuse to buy it.”

“That requires him to actually understand how bad his finances are.” Louie told her. “And frankly, I don’t think he even understands what money is.”

“…Glomgold Estate.” A female voice spoke through the intercom after a while. “Who is this?”

“G’day, mate!” Louie exclaimed in a bad, over-the-top Australian accent. “This here is antiques collector Phooey Luck. Remember me?”

“Bhagavaan meree madad karo, vah ek moorkh hai.” Chanda whispered, agitatedly running her hands through her headfeathers.

“…Unfortunately.” The woman on the intercom said resignedly. “What do you want?”

“Oh, I just want to speak with your employer, that’s all!” Louie told her cheerfully, leaning against the wall next to the speaker. “I’ve recently got my hands on a real beaut’, and I reckon your boss might want to have a look at it.”

“I take it back. You are a dickhead.” Chanda growled. Louie ignored her.

“I’m afraid Mr Glomgold isn’t here right now.” The intercom woman told them. “Hasn’t been for a while.”

“Ah, no worries.” Louie replied dismissively. “When do you reckon he’ll come back?”

“…I mean, normally he comes back at six or seven, but-”

“Fantastic! We’ll just come back around then!”

“I don’t think you understand, ‘Mr Luck’.” The woman interrupted him as he was starting to walk away. “My boss isn’t at work or on holiday, he’s missing.”

Louie paused. He frowned slightly, then asked, “Uh, what, uh… what do ya mean missin’?”

“I mean that nobody knows where he is.”

“…Okay, well… it can’t be that nobody knows where he is.” Louie said with a nervous laugh, his eyes flicking over to Chanda behind him. “Surely he at least told you where he was, right?”

“Yeah, he told me.” The woman replied irritably. “Said that he was going to Paris to ‘exact his revenge’ or something and that he’d be back by Monday. That was the last I heard from him, and that was five days ago. He hasn’t called or answered his phone, the hotel he’d stayed at said they saw him leave, but he didn’t come back… He hasn’t even posted any insane rants on social media since he left!”

Louie’s smile slowly fell from his face.

“Guy’s missing. I don’t know what to tell you.” The woman said crossly. “Honestly, I figured you and your family would know more than I did.”

“Me-” Louie stammered, losing his nerve slightly. “Dunno what you’re talkin’ about, uh… that’s… obviously not great, but… I think I left my number or my email with you lot last time I was here, so, uh… why don’t you give me a ring when he comes back, yeah?”

“Sure. I’ll let you know if he comes back.” The woman replied drily. “And when you do, pick an accent that you’re actually good at. Trust me, he won’t notice.”

The intercom switched off with an audible click.

Louie stayed stock still, drumming his finger against the brickwork.

Then, he turned around and started to walk back to the bus stop, trying to avoid eye contact with his companion.

“…So, where does this fall into your ‘watertight scheme’?” Chanda asked sarcastically as they walked.

“Okay, this is just a temporary inconvenience.” Louie said irritably, dropping the fake accent as he turned to her. “All we have to do is wait until Glomgold comes back, then-”

“And how long is that gonna take?” Chanda demanded, glaring at him angrily.

“…I don’t know, like, maybe a couple of weeks? At the most?” Louie guessed. “Like, we saw him in Paris, how long could it take him to get back?”

“Well, I don’t have a couple of weeks!” Chanda shot back. “I have until next month to pay for my mother’s medication, remember? If I don’t have that money-”

“Well, what do you want from me? If he’s not here, he’s not here! What’s the alternative?”

Chanda put her hands in her pockets and looked away, huffing frustratedly. Louie folded his arms and glared back at her, waiting for her to admit that she didn’t know.

“…Look, I’m on a time limit.” Chanda said angrily, repeating herself. “If he isn’t here by next week, we have to sell that thing to someone else.”

“And I will figure it out!” Louie argued. “Trust me on this!”

“Trust you? After that display?” Chanda laughed derisively, waltzing up to him and saying icily, “I thought you said we weren’t equal partners?”

“We’re not.” Louie replied coldly.

“And yet, you want me to trust you like one. You want me to trust that you won’t try to screw me over or, more likely, fuck this up, even when you don’t trust me.”

Louie glared at her, his fists clenched in his pockets.

“Give me the thing.” Chanda demanded, holding out her hand.

“What?” Louie asked incredulously.

“Let’s call this a trust exercise. I keep that thing hidden for us-”

“No-!”

“-while you find someone who’ll buy it. I’m not just letting you walk away with forty thousand dollars.”

“I’m not fuckin’ doing that!” Louie protested. “So what, I’m meant to be the one letting you walk away with- what kind of logic are you running on?”

“The kind that assumes that you’ll decide to cut your losses and just sell the thing online? ‘Cause if you do, you won’t need to pay me for anything? If you weren’t thinking about that just then, you’d be thinking about it later. Besides, what can I do with it? You already know my name, you probably know my address… Even if I somehow convinced someone to buy it from me, it would be trivial for you to get back at me for it.”

She leant closer to him, her beak a mere inch away from his, and her eyes narrowed and dangerous.

“Give it to me, or I’ll take it from you.” She threatened him.

And in that moment, Louie saw in Chanda’s eyes the same thing he saw in Webby’s, Lena’s, and every other girl he’d ever angered – the look of a chick who could break him in half and knew it.

Fuming, but unwilling to get stabbed, Louie slowly slid the backpack off his shoulders and handed it to her.

He kept a hold on it as she grabbed it, telling her in a low voice, “If you screw me over, I will make your life hell. Aaoka’s too.”

He felt a fleeting bit of callous satisfaction seeing her flinch when he mentioned her mother’s name. Her expression tensed, then relaxed as she murmured, “…Right.”

Louie let go.

He watched Chanda leave, throwing the backpack over her shoulders and storming off the opposite direction. For a good minute or so, he just stood there, breathing heavily in humiliation and rage.

Then he spun back around and marched back to the bus stop, kicking a stray drink can into the street as he did so.

---------------------------------------------    

Despite Duckburg’s reputation as a wealthy and industrious city, there was no field office to note for the FBI. Merely a small, resident agency located on the outskirts of the central business district. So the office that Nickel had found himself in was not the clean and pristine Washington office that he had been used to, but a small, cramped room that was mostly taken up by filing cabinets. Not that he minded too much – he wouldn’t be here forever, after all.

Mounted on the wall of his office was a corkboard, tacked onto which were various strips of paper. On each piece was a typed-out name, followed by a date.

One of the pieces read, ‘Nightmare Catcher – 1/8/1977’.

Another read, ‘Lich’s Eye – 22/6/1944’.

The latest one, which read ‘Tyrian Cloak – 9/3/2024’, had a red string attached to it. The other end of the string had been pinned to a photo of Scrooge McDuck, which sat in the middle of the board, surrounded by the names of dozens of artifacts, each of which had its own individual file.

The Cloak was the only item that had a string attached to it.

Jack stared at the board, idly flipping his coin as he mused. He heard someone knock on his door, to which he responded, “Aye?”

“Your ‘guest’ is here.” A male voice said from the other side.

“Wonderful. Bring her in.”

Jack turned as the door opened, a conniving smile crossing his beak as he saw his guest walk in, chaperoned by two brawny security guards. The shrunken old beagle barely reached up to half their height, yet there was not an ounce of fear or apprehension on her face – merely a displeased, hateful scowl.

“Ah, Ms Beagle! Lovely to meet you!” Jack told her cheerfully. Looking at the two guards, he told them, “You two wait outside, this’ll only be a moment.”

“Are you sure that’s wise, Mr Nickel?” One the guards asked.

Jack raised an eyebrow. “…Does she have a gun?”

“No, sir.”

“Does she have any weapons of any kind?”

“…No, sir.”

“Then what’s the problem?” Jack asked merrily. “Worst-case-scenario, she attacks me, you two come in, drag her off and throw her out. Nothin’ to it! Just wait outside, will ya?”

“…Alright. Let us know if you need anything.” The guard replied uneasily.

Once the officers had left the room, closing the door behind them, Jack gestured to the plastic seat in front of his desk. “Have a seat.”

“I’m good.” Ma Beagle replied coldly.

“Eh, suit yourself.” Jack replied nonchalantly, making his way to the other side of his desk and sitting down in the considerably more comfortable fabric desk chair.

“I’m not in the mood to be jerked around, Fed.” Ma Beagle snarled. “You haven’t got me on anything, or you would’ve just arrested me. What do you want?”

Jack turned on a computer in front of him, pressing a few keys to bring up a file on the screen. “Just wanted talk about a mutual problem.”

“Mutual? The hell are you talking about?”

Jack didn’t reply at first, skimming the information before him.

“How long have you lived in Duckburg?” He asked.

“M’ whole life.” Ma Beagle replied.

“So, sixty-seven years…” Jack murmured. “And you first met Scrooge McDuck when you thirteen? In 1969?”

“McDuck?” The criminal matriarch narrowed her eyes at him. “Why do you want about that?”

“Just humour me.”

Ma Beagle glared at him suspiciously. “…Yeah. ’69.” She replied slowly. “Marth 18, 1969.”

“And you’ve been fightin’ him ever since?”

She shrugged. “Dunno what you’re talkin’ about.”

“Oh, come off it. Everyone knows about McDuck and the Beagle Boys. It’s been goin’ on for years!”

“Oh, my boys took it on themselves to fight McDuck, sure. But I never told ‘em to do what they do.”

“…Hm. Alright, let’s say they do it on their own. Have they ever been inside the house?”

“A couple of times. They never get far.”

“Would they be able to remember what they saw in there?”

“If you’re so interested in what’s in McDuck’s house, Fed, then why don’t you go ask him?” Ma Beagle demanded irritably. “Why waste my time?”

“Even if he let me in, he wouldn’t give me what I want.”

Beagle’s eyes narrowed. “…Why not?”

“See, what I’m looking for is… sensitive information that McDuck isn’t likely to give up easily.” Jack replied enigmatically. “What I’m hopin’ is that you have that information, or at least know where to point me so I can find it without having to resort to… more difficult measures.”

Ma Beagle stared at him. Jack just shrugged in response.

“Like I said. We have a mutual problem.” He said.

“…McDuck?” Ma Beagle said in disbelief. “You’re after McDuck?”

“I suspect that Mr McDuck has been participating in activities that are counter to the best interests of the American people.” Jack told her. “Obviously, I can’t give exact details to members of the public, but rest assured, I’m doin’ everything in my power to bring him to justice… or at least make sure he doesn’t use his resources for anti-American purposes.

“But unfortunately, I have a problem.” Jack admitted. “And it’s a lack of evidence. I’ve got the background info, I’ve got plenty of hunches, but there’s nothin’ connecting it to him. That’s where you come in. You’re one of McDuck’s oldest enemies. You know him better than I do and, more importantly, you know where his secrets are buried. You help me out, you’ll helpin’ me bring down the man who single-handedly destroyed your family and you’d be doin’ your country a solid. Sound good?”

Ma Beagle stared at him, her expression inscrutable. She bit her lip in thought, her eyes studying him, as if she was waiting for him to break.

“…Alright, Fed.” She said, taking the other chair and taking a seat. “This sounds good and all, but why should I trust you, hm? The amount of trouble your lot have given my boys over the years… I’m still writing letters to Bradly and Bobby, you know.”

“…And they are…?” Jack asked.

“In the slammer.” Beagle shot back. “And have been for almost five years, now.”

“…Okay, those were the two that were busted for holding up bank cars?” Jack asked. “Because all we really did was point the police in the-”

“Not the point.” Ma Beagle leaned over the desk, her expression cold and distrustful. “I’m not helping you on your word that you’ll bring down McDuck. I need somethin’ more than that, and I think you knew that before I walked in here. So, what’s my incentive? The carrot or stick?”

“…Well… that’s pretty straight-forward.” Jack replied casually. “See, once I have what I want, I’ll be using that information to hold McDuck to account for his actions. If he’s found to have breached the law, then it might be decided that he and his family are no longer fit to have access to certain privileges. Including a big one about… oh, the size of Duckburg?”

“…You can get me the deed to Duckburg?” Ma Beagle asked warily.

“I can get it out of his hands.” Jack replied evasively. He turned his computer monitor to her and added nonchalantly, “I can also re-evaluate these testimonies here from first-hand witnesses naming you as the matriarch of the Beagle Boys and the leader behind the anonymous Duckburg drug ring. I’m thinkin’ they might have been coerced, you know?”

“Carrot and the stick.” Ma Beagle leant back in her seat, sighing. She drummed her fingers against her handbag, frowning in contemplation.

“…I’ll think about it.” She told him.

“Splendid!” Jack stood up and extended his hand across the desk, grinning to himself. “Just let me know when you ready, and I’ll get everythin’ ready, aight?”

Ma Beagle stared at the hand for a moment before reluctantly taking it. “…Sure thing, Fed.”

---------------------------------------------   

And that's the end for Part 2 of Aftermath! Only seven more to go!

Thanks to all of you who are still sticking around for this delightfully depressing side story. As a heads up, I don't think I'll be able to update the story as regularly as I've been doing recently. The cost of having a regular income, I suppose. Rest assured though that Aftermath isn't going anywhere - not for a while.

Keep an eye out for Part 3!

[fairestwriting]

slams open your door/ one angst request for a childhood g/n reader with deuce, ace, jack, ruggie and vil coming right up! "if we're still single by 30, let's get married! (for housing benefits lol)" it was a childish promise made in jest, but the boy never forgot. in the end, it ends with unrequited/pining feelings from one/both sides that cant be returned due to bad timing/prior engagements/etc when they reach of age (go hogwild with the scenarios lis!!)

(slams my hands on the table) yes yes yes yes YES i love this trope

+ if you like my writing, you can buy me a ko-fi to support me!

Deuce Spade

You make the promise to him after you confessed to your crush sometime in 7th grade and got rejected, left to cry by yourself behind the school. Out of all your friends, only Deuce came to comfort you -- And so you, in your dramatic childish glory, feeling like you’d never find anyone to love, tell him the two of you should get married if you’re single by 30.

Deuce remembers every detail of that event down to how your eyes gleamed with the tears, how the light of the sunset casted that golden glow on your hair -- It was when he knew he loved you. It took him a while to find the right words to describe the feeling, but he’d been feeling it for a long time.

He doesn’t pursue you because he feels like he’ll grow out of it. You go to NRC together, the two of you against the world, and it’s like everyday he falls in love a little more. You support him through his attempts of being a honors student, and on the day of your graduation, the first thing you do is hug each other tight, cheering about how you made it, you finally made it.

You don’t lose contact with each other even after school. Deuce and you are basically attached to the hip, meeting up every other week to talk about college and then your jobs. Through all of this time you’re friends, both of you go through a handful of relationships each, but none of them are really serious. As you approach 30, Deuce remembers that promise from back then.

When your birthday comes up, you’re sort of gloomy over recent breakup, and Deuce, naturally, is the first one to be there for you. He shows up in the morning with a gift and makes you breakfast, your dear best friend warming your heart once more. You rant about your latest partner and exchange anecdotes about how last week went before everything goes silent, and suddenly his hand is hesitantly on yours.

“D-Do you remember, um.” He begins, face flushed. “That promise we made in middle school? That if we were single until 30...”

You blink. Really, that? It felt like so long ago -- It was hard to remember even. You can barely catch what he was going to try to say before you laugh your middle school self off, snickering at how naive you were -- Something in Deuce seems to shatter, then, and his hand retracts. It’s so fast you can barely tell what’s happening.

And he stays with you through the birthday regardless, of course he does. He’s your dearest friend, isn’t he?

the rest is under the cut cause... its long

Ace Trappola

You hated Ace, initially. You met in kindergarten and he was the worst, literally. Always pulling pranks on everyone and acting just so infuriatingly cheeky, your 5 year old self learned real rage through that little redhead boy who always hid your things just to get a rise out of you.

One day you decided to prank him back, causing massive trouble in the classroom that ends with the two of you getting intensely scolded, and that’s how, somehow, a beautiful friendship blooms. Ace gets this sparkle in his eyes when you’re done getting yelled at, and says that the two of you should be friends and work together on doing this to other people.

Since then you two became inseparable. You’d never stop bickering, but you also never left each other’s side. The two of you were a menace, an absolute terror to your teachers -- Whether you were a good kid before meeting him or not didn’t matter, Ace is great at being a bad influence.

Near the end of 4th grade, you begin hearing about how one of your classmate’s single parent was getting married again. This sparked a big conversation between your class, somehow, with everyone declaring who they wanted to marry. It was a silly childish thing. When your turn comes, you proudly announce that when you grew up, you’d marry Ace if you hadn’t married anyone else by 30, ‘cause no one else would choose him but me! You snicker after making the comment, amused at how mean you were being, but somehow your snarkiness seems to fly over Ace’s head.

It’s a thing that happens that you two never really talk about again, but it ticks in the back of his mind for his whole life as you two grow up. Even entering middle and then high school, he always remembers it when he goes through some sort of romantic disappointment. You really were the only one who always stuck around, after all...

Years go by and somehow you’re still by each other’s side. Every birthday that passes Ace thinks about it a little more, he wonders if that promise from ages ago was true. When your 30th birthday comes up the promise is constantly in his mind, he’s driving himself up the wall with expectation. And he doesn’t even know why he’s feeling like that, really, you two are just childhood friends, right? There’s no reason for him to be feeling so... like this.

Eventually, he just blurts it out, a couple days after said birthday. You two are probably just hanging out and ranting about work when he goes “Hey, you remember that stuff you said in 4th grade? About, uh, us getting married?” And you go silent for a beat. His heart races as he wonders what the hell he’s doing, even.

But you laugh it all off. What, that stuff about marrying you? Yeah, I was such a dumb kid. I was right, though, look how you’re still single, you joke, and it feels like a punch to the gut to Ace. He laughs awkwardly with you. Yeah, sure, how foolish the two of your were for thinking of something like... you two... being together like that...

Jack Howl

Jack was, before everything, the scary boy in your 2nd grade class. Beastmen weren’t exactly common at school, especially wolves like him, so he ended up sticking out quite a lot. Most kids, your friends included, thought he was far too scary to approach. And Jack himself seemed to be fine with that, not really interacting much with anyone.

That was all he was for you until, one day, an older kid gets mad at you during lunch for bumping into them and staining their shirt with juice. They’re about two or three years ahead and so much taller than you, you’re genuinely scared -- And who would know that in a moment like this, the one kid in your class you weren’t very fond of would stand up for you, convincing the bully to go away.

Afterwards, Jack asks if you’re okay, you two end up eating together, and the rest is history. You find out he was actually really sweet, despite seeming so tough, and you get comfortable with it. Jack was always a reliable, loyal friend, someone you knew you could count on.

This included when your friends started being weirded out by you for getting close to the scary boy in class. They get it in their heads that you have a crush on him and tease you for it, which makes you upset, but Jack stands up for you again. This was enough for you to be pretty starry eyed at the age of 7, so you declared that, hey, who cares about what these mean kids are saying! Maybe you and Jack should be together anyway. Actually, if you two got to 30 and you were still single, you should get married! Jack gets just as starry eyed as you, and you seal a pinky promise that day.

What you never knew, though, was that he wouldn’t grow out of it -- Because as time goes by and you two grow up alongside each other, it ends up slipping your mind. You meet new people and learn new things, getting into some relationships here and there, and though you’d taken the promise seriously for a bit when you were a kid, it was just something you laughed about now.

You don’t even remember it on Jack’s 30th birthday. You’re one of the first people to show up to the small gathering, naturally, you had known each other since forever. You’re teasing him about how he was so perpetually single even now, that you were reaching “marriage age”, and this seems to fluster him a bit.

“Well...” He starts, his ears going slightly limp. “I wanted... to keep that promise, you know. From when we were kids.” His voice is quiet, uncertain. It’s different from how you usually hear him talk, and you have no idea what he’s talking about. You question him about it, and he’s wide eyed when he realizes that you actually forgot.

He questions you about it. How could you forget? You two actually made a pinky promise about it -- But you’re just confused as to why he’s bringing this up, saying that of course it wasn’t a big deal, you two were just kids when it happened! Was he really expecting something from that? And when you ask him that, he’s silent.

Needless to say, the birthday is soured. Jack asks for you to leave, it’s a mess. You don’t know what you did wrong, exactly, just like you’re not sure how you could possibly fix this.

Ruggie Bucchi

“Partners in crime” was the only possible way to describe what sort of relationship you had with Ruggie. It starts in elementary school, you’re walking around in a farmer’s market near the slums and you catch him taking a handful of apples from a stand, without paying. Your eyes are wide as you remember who that boy was, a classmate of yours, and despite what your family had taught you about stealing, you walk up to the person taking care of the stand, and start chatting with them to distract them.

You’re not sure what really made you want to help this boy you barely knew, but it turned out to be the one thing in your life you’re the most grateful for, because the next day, when he sees you again in class, he runs up to you to thank you so many times in a row. And since then, you two started spending time together.

And you got along so well! Ruggie got along with most of the other kids and you had some friends of your own, but nothing was compared to how close the two of you were. You two scheme your way in and out of trouble through your school days, and at one point you can barely imagine your life without him.

Sometime mid 6th grade, your classmates start talking of crushes and dating and such, which gives you a lot to think about. You’re a bit upset that you seem to be the only one who isn’t in on the new fun, so one day, when you’re hanging out with Ruggie, you complain about feeling like you’d be single forever. Ruggie laughs and says that if no one wanted to be with you, then no one would want to be with him either. You still wonder what that meant.

In a fit of childishness, you say decisively that if you two were single until you were 30, you’d get married. Looking back on it, you can’t tell if you were kidding or not, but Ruggie and you shake hands mid-laughs, like you’re sealing a deal.

So time goes by. You don’t think too hard about that promise and Ruggie... doesn’t seem to, either, you actually wonder what’s going through his head often, because he rarely tells you what he’s thinking. You end up going to NRC together, to both of your families’ joy, and that just ends up making you closer, as two kids from the less-privileged side of the Afterglow Savannah in such a prestigious academy...

Your bond ends up really fire-forged after those four years, so it’s no surprise to anyone that you’d still be close even after you graduate, even as adults. Nothing could break a friendship like this.

You think about it on the day of your 30th birthday, when you’re out for drinks with Ruggie to celebrate. Really, how the hell did you stick to each other’s side for so long? You ask him as you loop an arm around his neck, and he grins. “Well, maybe we should get married like you promised then, y’know... when we were brats.” He says, a little quieter than your previous conversation. There’s a hint of some kind of different feeling there that you don’t catch at the time, scoffing at him and going, yeah, in your dreams.

The rest of the night goes normally, though you don’t hear from him for a couple days afterward... and when you do, he barely looks you in the eye. You wonder if anything bad happened, if you did anything wrong.

Vil Schoenheit

When Vil Schoenheit moved into your town, everybody was talking about him before he even really set foot into the classroom. Everyone had seen him somewhere -- The poster boy of villainy in all your favorite movies, a kid with a pretty face and a haughty aura.

You’re as curious as everyone else to meet him, though you don’t really share that strange vindictiveness the other kids seemed to have, angered at Vil himself for what his characters put others through. It’s so stupid, you thought, isn’t he just the actor? He might actually be nice.

When he arrives into the classroom, people are about as annoying towards him as you expected. Their disdain towards Vil bothered you, he’d barely said anything to others and yet they were already pegging him as a mean, arrogant person. So stupid, you repeat to yourself, and you decide to talk to him normally, and that’s how your ages-long friendship came to life.

Vil wasn’t like anyone you’d ever met. You come to find that he’s rather haughty, yes, and very strict with pretty much everything, but he was also very kind deep down, and willing to help you with anything you needed. He was a good friend. He was also, as you came to find out as you grew a little more, astoundingly pretty. With people disliking his “villainy” or not, by the time you’re starting middle school, he already consistently gets confessed to.

You’re a bit jealous. Not because you wanted Vil for yourself, no, he was just a good friend, but you wished people would find you as attractive as they found him, sometimes. You express that to him when you’re walking home together one day, and he laughs it off, saying it wasn’t as good as you thought it’d be. Still, you make him promise that if you were single by 30, he’d have to marry you, because if he just let you die alone, he’d be a bad friend. Vil seems strangely mesmerized by that, but he agrees.

Time goes by, you get to watch each other grow. Even with all the people going in and out of Vil’s life, he seems to keep you closer to his heart than everyone, and you never really lose contact with each other. Even when he’s busy, with movies or modeling or school, he still makes time to check up on you, and you see each other often.

When you’re actually nearing 30, Vil has reached a sort of stardom that burned your eyes just looking at, and you were so goddamn proud of him it was real. Somehow, he still makes time to show up for your birthday, after about a month of not really seeing each other -- And he spoils you to death on that day, the two of you spending all of it together and talking until it was late at night.

As the sun is about to rise, though, Vil’s chattiness subsides. About as sleep deprived as you, he says, softly “So since we’ve gotten there, and we’re both still single... maybe we should fulfill that promise from years ago, shouldn’t we?” You take a moment to process it, it’s tough remembering exactly when you made such a promise, but eventually you do. You feel like that should’ve been a joke, but the way Vil looks at you isn’t saying joke at all.

You sort of laugh it off either way, though. What, that silly promise? You ask, are you rubbing it in that you’re prettier than me? I can still find a partner looking like this, y’know. You think it’s funny, but Vil suddenly falls completely silent.

He then sighs, almost wistful, and says “Sure you can” before the conversation progresses... you’re not sure what happened, but life goes on after that like nothing happened. Deep down, Vil is feeling stupid for having taken the promise to heart, like he should have known better... but if you never really meant it, then what could he do but give it up? Even though it was the thing he wanted to do the least... he valued your friendship too much to do something that could possibly ruin it.

[estiebestieban]

So for the WIP game, please look if "hurt" or "pain" is in there! (Can we tell I live for angsty fics?) Cause I really love your writing and I wonder if there are any angsty fics in the future...

Oh don't worry, angst is coming! I am actually working on a prompt as requested by @sundial-turtles (which is the most delicious angsty stuff I ever received, so this is a little sneak-peak for her too.)

I did put it underneath the cut because this is still a very rough draft and I've simply been going a little hogwild with the descriptions so this can ... potentially be considered gross? gore? idk what to say about it at this point - but please don't let my shrink know.

Send me a word, if it’s in my wip document I’ll answer your ask with the sentence that it appears in

More often than sometimes, he wakes in cold sweat, feels their fingers finding their way through the darkness of his insides. Feels them wrapping around willing flesh. Fangs of the wolves which feast on his intestines, it crawls underneath his skin. Stings as they tear him to shreds. He lives, even when it hurts to breathe with their hands wrapped around his throat. He lives, for as long as they need him to.

and another one, because why not, at this point I'm already making a fool of myself anyway.

There have been far too many hands which have brought only violence, it seems that he cannot recall what it’s like to be touched without feeling the sting of pain immediately after.

[witches-in-caravans]

My thoughts on a commonly used term when discussing kids cartoons.

One thing that often frustrates me about the argument "it's a kids show" when discussing the contents of a children show is that they don't think about why that term exists. Most kids shows back then got a somewhat fair amount of slack on criticism for a reason. A lot of it was because of the shows goals on what it wanted to be in service of.

Shows in the 80s had the purpose of action and fun, simple characters in order to sell merchandise (transformers, mlp g1). More shows back in the 90s/early 2000s had the goal on making its audience laugh or entertain if anything. Shows like dexters lab, Kim possible, spongebob or my life as a teenage robot were selling themselves on their gags or action rather than complex themes or drama. It might be fun to joke that spongebob was about communism and workers rights and shit, but we know that wasn't the creators or writers goals. So audiences tend to be gentler on criticism. And it's not like people never critic anything these shows produce. A lot of shows here dabbled or even went hogwild with homophobic, transphobic, misogynistic and sometimes even racist jokes.

If there were shows to teach lessons, they were relatively simple like ("sharing is a good thing", "don't make fun of children with 'weird habits'", ect..) in shows like Recess or Hey Arnold. Even then a lot of the "lesson" shows were set in world's with very low stakes, which was the real world in 90% of them. Many of the more dramatic kids shows weren't really high stakes, big action pieces. They were mostly mellow if anything. And they did get criticised as well.

This was probably what made avatar the last airbender so unforgettable to its young audience. It mainly had the premise and characters of your typical Saturday kids action series. Protagonist with a superpower, lots of fighting, a team of underdog kids fighting a big bad empire. It's premise was pretty trite and already flooded the cartoon market. But it was special at the time for exploring topics such as war, trauma and abuse in a way that was fun, respectful and most of all, easy for a younger audience to understand without being too overbearing with the topic. What made avatar work well for itself is that it treated the severity of most of these topics differently than the simple lesson programs at the time. Forgiving the person who personally bullied you in 1st grade is not the same as forgiving the man who caused you to see your mothers murdered corpse actually!!! The writers in avatar realised that if your gonna explore these kinds of themes in a world with larger stakes which include severe child abuse, war, trauma and mass genocide, you can't treat the people causing this as some cartoonist henchman or shitty little kid in the playground. You can give some of these characters sympathetic moments or explain the circumstances of how they were like this (azula, zuko), but you can't forget about what happened. At least you can't immediately as soon as they become the "good guy". Sadly the writers in atla seem to forget a lot of this information judging by their other shows such as lok or the dragon Prince.

I mention all this to explain why the "it's a kids show" doesn't apply as well to certain modern kids shows. Some of these shows are trying to cover pretty heavy topics such as abuse, imperialism and coloniasm, war, human experimentation and a whole list of rather dark concepts. And more so they are trying to teach lessons about them. But the creators want to have a "dark, angsty scene where the characters cry at the hands/actions of their colonizers/abusers" scene, but they don't want to actually think about how these atrocities affect the decision making of our horribly traumatised protagonists. Or how it would affect their feelings towards the antagonist. Writers usually only care about how the villain is going to get their redemption arc. And it's not like its inheritably bad that you give your antagonist a redemption story (though there's a limit to how far you can go depending on what they did). But when you give your antagonist 2 hours screentime about whatever angsty backstory you slapped onto them, and then you either completely ignore the pain and psychological state of your protagonists friends and even harshly criticise them for being angry and unforgiving at the antagonist for the miniscule actions of... Psychological or physical torture of you or loved ones, repeated attempted murder, mass genocide.... What I'm trying to say is that your message of empathising with the people around you falls a little flat in its face.

Subject matter and tone will heavily change how your audience perceives your theme.

This is why nobody complained about Dr Doofenshmirtz' rehabilitation. He was in a pure comedy show mainly focused on humour in which his eeevvviiiilllll plans includes ludicrous shit like ridding the world of mustaches cause he can't grow one. Absurd stuff. He ain't ozai or even azula. He didn't genocide a race of people, mutilate his kid and waged war against the world. He didn't travel around universes, pillaging cities or attempted to destroy the whole universe cause they were mad at one person. Stuff like that changes audience perception. He was so harmless for that his "arch nemises" often took his sweet time stopping and even indulged his ridiculous schemes.

This is why I don't criticise shows like she ra the same way I criticise kids programs like miraculous ladybug or the fucking winx club. The winx club has the rare emotional scene, but it's mostly a show about 6 fairy friends defeating a dully coloured comic book supervillain. It's conflicts are mostly simple and straightforward and it's purpose is to entertain children (and sell cheaply made plastic dolls). She ra as shown in its tone within the cartoon and by the creators intentions on twitter is different. It's clearly trying hard to explore themes of child abuse, war and imperialism. Its the font line topic of the show. And when exploring heavy themes such as this for a audience of children, you have to be careful. Because handling them poorly might have a chance of sending a wrong or muddled message to kids.

This is why the term "it's a kids show" isn't universal.