#wow this was just a thought but i started rambling
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(guy who has never played cotl) haha au time
#this started as a design exercise bc i couldnt get sphinx/devon rex narinder out of my head#but the whole time i was thinking man imagine if the lamb brings him in as a follower but nobody knows he was actually. you know#and the followers are like haha wow our leader channels the power and wisdom of the one who waits almost as if they were them#would that be cool or what. anyway heres narinder reassuming his pre-bishop form and everything his flesh remembers before godhood#ok now im gonna ramble abt design notes#the singe marks were inspired by fallen angels like how some ppl say they burned while falling from heaven. i wanted smth like that when#the lamb is resurrected by nari.. their outfit is inspired by papal cloaks while narinders is based on crusader armor#the lambs name 'bellwether' is also a term used for sheep that wear a bell and lead the flock and i thought that was cool#idk what the thuribles do yet but i do have smth in mind where theyre linked together. and ofc the lamb has a shepherds staff#very proud of nari's little devil tail!! and it was hard to see bc its so dark but he has wrinkles around his forehead to conceal his#third eye. even he isnt aware of it (for now)#idk where im going with this au i just have a bunch of ideas?? basically the lamb is keeping nari's identity a secret from him so he doesnt#go down that path of powerhungry destruction. smth like trying to lead him down a better path but feels guilty lying to do that#also theyre in love with each other and theyre stupid pining idiots abt it. mwah#cult of the lamb#cotl#cotl lamb#cotl narinder#the one who waits#cotl the one who waits#narilamb#art#au#myart#my art#character design#cotl au#false prophet! au
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the difference between zosopp and sanuso (romantic OR platonic) is that Usopp is Zoro's specialest little guy and Zoro is someone Usopp hangs out with and looks up to and hides behind when things get scary, but Sanji and Usopp are best friends. They horse around, they beat each other up, they confide their worst fears trying to one up each other. Usopp hides behind Sanji sometimes, sure, but idk, Sanji's weaknesses are more obvious (bugs, fighting women, etc) so there are times when Usopp has to stand in front of Sanji too, yknow?
Like, how do I say this, all the crewmates are equal- Usopp and Zoro are equals- but with Sanji it feels like more... comradery? Zoro's a rock in a terrible storm- even rocks tend to get weathered and chipped and worn down, but they overall stay strong and steady. He has trouble being vulnerable and there are times when the burden he's placed on himself to keep the crew safe is crushing his chest. Usopp would help with that and be very understanding, but the point I'm trying to get with that is that those moments are few and far between. So I feel like Usopp, especially after Water 7, would take Zoro's lead on something like that, and keep most of his worries to himself or only talk about them sparingly unless they're really bad and/or he can't hide them.
Sanji is like a tree in a storm; he can be strong, yes, but it feels like he bends and sways with the storm, and has more obvious breaking points. He can relate more to Usopp's struggles rather than resorting to blunt honesty that might border on callous like Zoro. And while, with Zosopp, I tend to think of scenarios with Zoro being blunt like that as a good thing- because sometimes when you're spiraling, it's nice to have someone say exactly what's great about you and shoot down all your worries with straight facts that you can't argue with- I can also see this as being a bad thing. Anxiety can really twist up your brain sometimes, you know? And despite the words, the tone could still mess someone up if they're already feeling like a burden on others in some way.
With Sanuso it's a lot more understanding and thoughtful words. It's distractions and comfort food and patience- the kind reserved for Usopp- until Usopp talks about whatever's troubling him. Compared to Zosopp, it doesn't take as long for Usopp to open up, since he's done the same thing to Sanji at times and it's more familiar to him to talk and commiserate with Sanji about his worries and doubts and such. However, there are times stuff like this has absolutely no effect and Sanji will end up at a loss, no idea what to do or how to help over the course of several days with Usopp being quiet and keeping his distance, and he'll end up working himself up about it which will only serve to make Usopp feel worse and. yeah. bit of a vicious cycle with them.
So it's like. Usopp can be weak with both of them, but since I see Sanji as the type of guy who'd be more open with his worries (at least compared to Zoro), there's less of a need to 'perform' and be his best self around him. He's comfortable around Zoro, yes, but he is constantly wanting to show that he won't be a problem to him. On the other hand, while he's more open with Sanji, and Sanji with him, they tend to relate a bit too much with each other and they both have issues with causing trouble for others and being 'deserving of love' so failed attempts at consoling one hurts the other and creates an unpleasant cycle of misery and avoidance before some other crewmate (Zoro) tells them to quit being stupid and just fucking talk to each other.
#one piece#sanuso#zosopp#long post#nemotime#does this make sense or is this the ramblings of a person who's only got 3 hrs sleep#bc thats me. 3 hrs sleep. ugh#listen okay its like. zosopp has their own growing pains to get through yknow? zoro will eventually get the whole#'oh usopp isnt as open with me bc he wants to seem tough and is also kind of doing the same thing i do. thats bad for him'#and it'll be a whole thing about making a promise between the two of them to try and be more honest with their fears and seeking help#when they need it#the sanuso thing is like. i hope i didnt mean to make it seem like sanuso is 'better' or w/e bc its just a different thing#sanuso got their own problems to sort out. 1. Sanji's everything 2. boundaries on special treatment-#i'm not gonna go seriously into this but both relationships start out not the best and get better over time yknow#also i know usopp's afraid and freaking out a lot but for this post i meant his deeper fears and insecurities#not 'i've got can't-go-on-this-island disease' lmao#the tl;dr of this post is: Usopp is more closed off with Zosopp. Usopp and Sanji have similar issues that cause problems with Sanuso.#also the way i see these ships will probably change at some point. who knows#there was a post i saw recently that was like 'hey sanuso bc romance trio were already chill with each other so sanuso became chill with#each other in an 'alone together' type of way and also they have the same issues' and i thought 'wow so true bestie' and here we are#also. man. usopp taking on / copying the behaviours of his loved ones regardless of his age is just. my jam. in a positive or negative way#maybe i'll make a post about that explaining it more. maybe
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Devastating news: my brother is a normal person. It doesn't run in the family, I'm just a weird freak for no reason
#i'm exaggerating but not that much. my parents are like that because they're in their 50s. they were young adults once#okay so my brother. 18 years of age. just started his fancy higher studies in maths. tiny baby goatee he's not shaving.#went to a friend's week long birthday party in a house in the countryside#made out with a girl there?? apparently???#started drinking alcohol. and has now been going out longer and more frequently and sleeping at other people's places#and bestie. let me tell you. i was never doing any of that shit. in fact i am not doing any of that still and i'm a few years older#i don't go out much. i have like four or five friends at all times tops. i certainly don't come back late or god forbid sleep over#never drunk alcohol (don't want to. i could! i just don't. i'm the sober idiot in the corner when everyone else is drunk)#never kissed anyone or had a partner or anything of the sort#he decided to sleep over at midnight?? with zero preparation??#buddy it would have to be pouring acid rain for me to have an unplanned sleepover#without my toothbrush? my pyjama? my phone charger? my plushies? possibly my own pillow/blanket? be for real#my brother is a normal teenager/young adults with a social life and no weird hangup about romance and alcohol and spontaneity#and i'm some kind of freak i guess. having a normal time#older sister girlfailure forever i suppose. how the fuck do i feel like my younger brother is cooler and more normal than me???#i don't even want to be like that i like myself i thought i left all this stupid unfounded insecurity behind with school!!#arghhhhhh#wow i have a ramble tag now
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Tim has ALWAYS been a mirror. to anyone and everyone who needed it or who he needed. he reflects those around him and you have to figure out what's at the heart of it all by looking through all those bright, conflicting, broken and warped mirror pieces. as Robin he wanted to be like Dick, yes, but he always wanted to live up to Jason. he formed himself into what Bruce needed, a Robin just enough like both his sons to be accepted despite pain and circumstances pushing back against the both of them, who doesn't realize that in the end he's loved for who he is, not who he reflects. some cameras are made up of mirrors. is the image they capture the same that was alive and in the world, or a reflection, or both? do those mirrors go dark when the shutter clicks or do they light up with flashing fragmentary light? if the Robin is reflected enough times, is it still the same Robin? if the Robin acts as a mirror enough, what does he see when he looks at himself in one?
#love how my meta posts always start out in my conversational typing tone and end up in my HEAVIEST poetic writing voice wow#anyway idk what this is i just like metaphors and thinking about tim drake#idek if this makes sense even to ME shdjxhskfjsldjfks#idk i just read a fic that briefly mentioned tim being a mirror to bruce and I'm constantly talking about how he and jason are alike#and i made that one post about him and dick being two sides of a coin. lots of thoughts.#Lu rambles#meta finding tag#batfam#tim drake
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One day I'll draw the ieytd cast with all the flower imagery i want
#i think. i think the fact that we all draw the characters so colour coordinated contributes heavily to this#i have SOOO many fucking thoughts you have no idea#specifically some starstruck ones I've had for like a year but blahblahblah im always thinking about them at least a little#it's my fucking that old man yaoi you can pry it from my cold dead hands#but also ughhh i hate the canon ages like SIDE NOTE#okay these tags are abt to go in a wildly different direction basically i am no longer yapping about florography#likeeee prism being 40 canonically makes it weird for me prism is more like. 45-47 for me and reggie is probably like 50-52#juniper also like i know a lot of people say mid 20s but for me?? he's like 37 and DESPARATE not do have a twink death#and then phoenix is probably around the same age as jj??#idk just working off the main 4 guys (to me) i guess but idk ive always had mild issues with the fact prism is canonically 40#it's just. naur.......nuhuh......................#i digress reggie being in his 50s is weirdly important to me and i have NO idea why. maybe I've just been jn this fandom for a while#<- been here on and off since before first class from ieytd 1#i more or less discovered there was a fandom in 2022 tho but sighs. ive been here a WHILE.....#at the very most j was here before seat of power i remember watching a playthrough of that when it released#but in terms of first class my memory gets deeply spotty but thats being a system for ya wayyyyyyyy#wow this ramble went in like 17 directions jf you're still here thank you??????????? why??? /lh#[words words words]#ughh anyways 🤩🤩 ieytd and flowers yeah it's intrinsically linked to me#idk might redesign them all surrounded by flowers but also i literally do not have the time for that <- just started art college
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Drank a vitamin water today that made my tongue tingle almost as if it was carbonated for no discernable reason (I drink this flavor all the time so I know that's not normal. checked the expiration date and checked for holes in the bottle but everything looked fine?) and then for dinner I accidentally ate undercooked tilapia. Am I going to die
#the vitamin water was from my fridge and the whole rest of the pack was fine so idk what was up with this one?#i didnt finish it but i drank probably about a third of it before i finally decided for sure that something was off and i wasnt imagining i#and with the tilapia uh. my gf cooked it. and shes cooked tilapia before shes a good chef#the right half of my filet which i ate first was totally fine#but the left half was. different#at first i just thought it was tough bc i was starting at the edge of the filet#but once again about a third of the way into it. once i got to the meatier bits#i realized hey this doesnt seem to be tearing like it should be and also the mouthfeel is kinda like when i eat raw sushi?#also it looks kinda translucent instead of white whats up with that. wow this is getting REALLY hard to tear now huh#and um. apparently 'translucent and doesnt tear easily' is a sign that the tilapia is undercooked 😐#i looked up if you can get sick from eating undercooked tilapia and the only results im finding are:#1) reddit post saying that fish is the least dangerous type of raw meat and its practically harmless#2) news articles about a lady losing her limbs to a foodborne illness that she got from eating undercooked tilapia#so. i could either be absolutely fine or i could be really really not fine. very comforting lol#rambling
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AH! I have so many asks to respond to my apologies everyone I've started school again so I'm just a bit busy settling in but I'll address my inbox this weekend !! 🤩🫶
#NO IM NOT READING UNGODLY AMOUNTS OF MARAUDERS FANFICTION RN#(ive read half of atyd in 4 days 😔)#im starting to think in british english i fear#for any british people out there just so you know i thought when we were saying 'vest' we meant#like. a waistcoat esque piece of clothing.#not a tank top. wtf.#i googled it like am i stupid. yes i was. but in my defense i had no reason to think british people#called tank tops anything but tank tops. and vest is a very specific word out here.#love how the author includes british slang references and ig thats not slang but it sent me into orbit when i realized#so anyways. if any british people are reading the answer. when i say vest. i mean a shirt w no sleeves that buttons#wow im rambling rn#do not cancel me for this i swear im not a harry potter adult 😀🙏#anyways#berryunho.txt
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meowdy... <3
#i'm so close to caught up on everyone's lovely art and fics ;_; hghghgh and if you've sent an ask i'll answer it soon!!#[to the one person who knows who she is: KJSNKJN. KJSNDKJNDKJ. AAAAAA???? (positive)]#i've been very avoidant lately of online spaces ;; pt has been hard on my wrists so i haven't been able to work much on my plushie#and typing has been just as hard -- if it isn't the pain it's the inflamed nerves wrecking my hand-eye coordination#so i think i'm pressing keys when i'm not or i'm pressing all of the wrong keys. so it takes me twice as long to type anything ;;#i'm hoping we're building a good rapport tho and finding an equilibrium between Not Pushing Enough#and TOO MUCH TOO MUCH OW OW OW (week-long whole-arm nerve pain) kjsnfkjn so. i hope that means i'll be able to type regularly again soon!!!#we're just in the learning phase of both of us figuring out what my nerves can handle without exploding lmao. turns out: not much!!#i really want to talk to people again rghhhh i miss everyone sm!!! i keep being like 'wow i'm so lonely i wonder why that is'#<- has been disconnected from friends for many weeks#i WAS finally able to finish ren's face tho! very slowly! and i'm close to done w the body embroidery!!!#excited to have that done. not excited to start hand sewing. wish i had a working sewing machine even if i could only sit at it#for a few minutes at a time sjdfnskjn life could be a dream...#HENNYWAISE. hopefully i will soon have my carpal tunnel and pinched nerves reined in. my mars anniv is tomorrow#and i don't have anything to show for it bc of my wrists so. blows a kiss into the sky for her <3 my beloved oc-ified oushirou KJNSDKJN#i'm rambling and dont want to edit things bc pain from today's appointment ok i love u byebye 👋🏻👋🏻👋🏻👋🏻👋🏻#📌 [ my posts. ]#💭 [ my thoughts. ]#vent -#<- just in case
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How long have you been riding horses?
a little longer than a year now !! i feel like i've made a bit of progress, because i couldn't even post at the beginning and now i can do a posting trot pretty much no problem and a comfortable canter, which was way farther than i thought i would get when i started to be honest lmao
my trainer even wants me to show, i don't know if i'm ready for that or if i ever will be but she seems pretty set on it so i guess i'll see what happens ^^
#honestly if you told last year me that i would be cantering now i don't think they'd believe it#my self confidence wasn't great to start off#i thought i wasn't going to get very far - yk how it is when your brain thinks like that#and i've struggled with it a bit throughout the time i've been riding so far#but yk !! i keep going#switching stables to my current one helped a lot too#i get to be more involved with the horses and that makes it more fun#at my old stable i'd just get on‚ ride‚ and get off#here i get to get the horse from the field‚ groom them‚ put all their tack on‚ ride‚ take their tack off#groom them again or rinse them off (in the summer if they get sweaty)‚ and put them back in the field#might sound like a lot of work but i really do like it#anyways .#my last lesson was pretty good#i was on a lunge line to work on my leg strength and i finally figured out the correct placement of my feet#oh wow looking at this i realize i yapped a bit#eh i guess that's what the rambles tag is for#thanks for asking about this !! really makes me happy to ramble about it#random rambles#<- gonna include that because of the tags. and the post#really all of it#asks
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🔇-
#stealing this post format bc I need something like a priv account to vent and ramble on but Twitter is fuuuuucked#and that was one thing Twitter did well#idk man I get so anxious when I think I might not have 100% perfectly nailed a social interaction#which includes everything from someone just not responding immediately to me actually saying something wrong#and saying something wrong is usually not actually saying something wrong it’s saying something only like 80% of the way right#but to my perfectionism that is 100% a failure#I sent a friend a post I’d sent him before I even knew I might’ve sent it before and joked about that#and it turns out I did send it before#fuck I fucked up!! wow how awful I thought of him twice (sarcasm)#like I know it’s fine but my heart doesn’t feel that it’s fine#and it doesn’t matter how close a friend is#if I say something that is arguably just not 1000% pleasant and amiable and lovely#like having An opinion (just one)#and they don’t respond right away? or don’t immediately agree if it’s a real life conversation?#then my insides start chewing themselves up#I used to have so many opinions actually when did I get this hesitant and this afraid#who am I trying to please?#(except everyone I like) (all of them all of the time)#not feeling awesome rn I don’t even know what caused it this time#I have suspicions but they’re all dumb#well ofc they’re dumb anxiety is a manifestation of pure illogicality#and my perfectionism will make a mountain out of any molehill#for the priv#also I need that dash so the emoji isn’t just like. comically big lmao wtf
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i want to say something really smart about all of us strangers because WOUGH but also all i can seem to say is WAGH
#sami rambles#pro-tip: do not watch this if you were born with a deep and despairing loneliness you have spent your life trying to fix#and also if your dad had a healthscare of the summer!!!!!!!#it just#yeah#wow#i think my only thing about it is is the end scene which. i love it i do! but i really thought when the lights started coming up#it was going to be all the windows in the city view he had from his window#but um. glad it wasn't that bc it would have finished me off!!
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I feel obligated to tell you that I've been reading Astro City and one character makes a reference to a fictional Inherit the Wind musical and it immediately reminded me of your forays into musical history
Ehehe, glad to be The Musical Person for you. But huh, is there a particular reason they chose “inherit the wind” I wonder? It seems like an odd thing to make up, in terms of. Well, okay, I don’t know how deep a cut inherit the wind is, but it seems weirdly specific. If they wanted to reference like a musical that has to do with courtrooms, then I guess there’s not a lot to choose from…Legally Blonde does, of course, and so does Wind in the Willow, Something Rotten…I think Pippin has one, maybe? And the toy trial in Mary Poppins probably counts. But I guess all of those are all very much not serious. Do you think it’s like a throwaway gag, as in the idea of a musical adaptation of such a source material is the joke? Or is it something that somehow relates the themes of the comic, or both?
#‘wow I’m flattered that you thought of me! anyways here’s some english class questions.’#I’ve never even seen inherit the wind by the way. also don’t know anything about Astro city#but I’m just curious for instance because they could’ve done something like#if it’s just meant as a throwaway gag it could’ve been a one flew over the cuckoo’s nest musical#or a to kill a mockingbird musical#something I’d consider to be in like. much more in the public consciousness thing#actually I think it would be hilarious if they did ‘Lolita musical’ thinking that there couldn’t possibly a musical adaptation of it#without knowing that there was in fact a Lolita musical#ask#spectershaped#but yeah thanks for thinking of me :)#I’ll. try not to. start rambling in response next time.
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ok i don't know WHAT kind of brain fart I had but I've been thinking today marks 6 months since I started shipping with Bob... IT'S NOT SIX DLSKJFKSF IT'S EIGHT 😳😳😳 8 MONTHS!!!
so today i learned i don't know how to count but idec bc it's my 8 month bobiversarry lol ❤️
#(sorry there's basically a freaking diary entry in these tags damn) (needed to get my thoughts out ig lol)#i really am so grateful for him and doug. which i get could sound really silly to ppl outside of this community lol#but they've helped me through the past 8 months and have made me smile even when in the worst moods :'3#even putting the selfshipping aspect of it aside they just make me happy !!#i honestly CANNOT believe its been that long already though... time has freaking FLOWN by since sept#but actually thinking about it in that way makes me oddly motivated? like that post abt how#'the time will pass anyways.' like i could have done A LOT in those 8 months but... i didn't 🧍🏻♀️BUT#there's 8 more months right ahead of me to make use of. like i've been really wanting to learn music theory and production#and im scared bc of how much time it will take. but I started studying a few days ago... and in 8 months i'll have 8 months of experience#idk it's just a comforting thought#like maybe even just in 4 months on the one year bobiverssary (lol) i'll be able to look back on today#and be like WOW i learned SO much since then and made so much music etc. just need to manage my time better all around.#bc of course i also need to do my actual JOB aka finish my next novel and prep for selfpub#cause i'm excited but not nearly ready 4 when my current contract ends. idk if it'll get renewed or not but i'm cool w either outcome 🧘🏻♀#UMMM. i didn't expect to ramble that much LMFAO sorry i was caught off guard by the passage of time ! 😳#peanut butter and jelly donut#caitiechat
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kharae for 21 on the pride asks BE FREE!!! RAMBLE!!
hello hi bestie the reason this took me so long is because I was trying to think what about Kharae's identity i could expand upon because like. it seems pretty simple! she's a cis woman. she's a lesbian. Identity probably never came up much for her as she was growing up. but then i thought a bit more about how as a drow, especially one who was not given the privilege that other, higher-class drow would have, her view on relationships would be skewed. So what follows is, drum roll pleaseeeee, Kharae + how she goes about navigating lesbianism after having grown up abused solely by women! Again, running off of non!durge Kharae, cause... It's possessed me. Technically companion AU, too!
TWs below for a frank discussion on abuse in multiple forms, traumatic and unhealthy relationships, and not a tw but CW for discussions of sex and sexuality too, none in depth but still there.
wow what a sensationalist title wowowow. Anyways.
To recap and expand a bit more on Kharae's history: Kharae was the eldest daughter of a minor drow family who, wanting to get a foothold into higher-society within Menzoberranzan, gave Kharae up to house Faen Tlabbar. Rather than being taken as a sign of good will, however, this was seen as a sign of weakness, and the Mlezzoryn family was wiped out before they could ever start growing. Kharae never found out about this, as amongst the priestesses of Faen Tlabbar, one in particular took a liking to her: Sornolu Tlabbar, a young drow woman who was recently given a position of power within the house. Sornolu wasn't too much older than Kharae and her affections started off rather beneficial.
For the first couple of years, Sornolu appeared truly kind towards Kharae, helping her adjust to her new life and helping her detach herself from her parents. Later on, though, as Sornolu was given more power and Kharae wasn't, Sornolu went from a possible friend to, well... What she is now. As the other priestesses of Faen Tlabbar began to grow tired of Kharae, Sornolu swooped in and took Kharae for herself. Thus began the centuries of almost absolute torment.
The more Sornolu was taught and therefore internalized her power and superiority, the more she took it out on Kharae. She changed Kharae's name to Taleth, commissioned a pair of anti-magic cuffs formed of Sussur Tree blossoms, and kept her around for whatever use she could come up with.
As a form of... self-protection, Kharae began to view it as a relationship, something romantic, even though it absolutely was not. It was transactional--Kharae gave, and Sornolu protected. Kharae always occupied thoughts and dreams of escape, but with the anti-magic cuffs she almost always had on, she had no magic to aid her. Sornolu absolutely encouraged this "relationship" view as well, as it both kept Kharae placid, and enthralled her.
By the time Kharae escaped, her view on relationships was absolutely shredded. Was it normal to want to run away from your lover every chance you got? Was it normal for your lover to starve you, deprive you of anything to hydrate yourself with, to leave you tied up on altars, threaten ritual murder whenever you acted incorrectly--so on and so forth? Kharae was free from the underdark for at most a day or so before she was taken by the Mindflayers, so she had absolutely no chance to even begin unlearning what she's been taught.
So thinking about it, Kharae doesn't even... Understand relationships beyond, "I will serve you however you want so long as you keep me protected." She's willing to degrade herself in any way, shape, or form for people. Of course, this isn't discussing sexuality, though--this is all about how she handles relationships in general. Where does the fact she is a lesbian come in?
When first getting to know Sornolu, when they were young and Kharae didn't understand the depths of the terrible situation she had been put into, she fell in love with Sornolu almost instantly. Her attraction was rather... Frank. Sornolu was pretty and was kind to Kharae to start, and Kharae did develop feelings. When Sornolu grew much more twisted, however, and Kharae grew a lot more... Afraid. Attraction turned to desperation.
The most confusing thing for Kharae was the fact she was attracted at all. Sornolu was the first and only person (at least before the party/tav) that she had any feelings for and, well, you see how that turned out. So what happens when Kharae meets a woman who gets her heart pumping, so to speak? confusion, and concern. She's unsure just what she's attracted to--is the woman dangerous and going to hurt her? Is she attracted to the risk of it all? Or does she just find women beautiful?
And then, that leads into Kharae's relationship with Minthara--for a long while, it's... No different than how Kharae treated Sornolu. Unending devotion for the sake of protection. By act 3, it's a lot healthier, as Kharae starts to come into her own and embrace herself and recover from the trauma she's lived with since escaping the underdark, but at least all throughout act 2, Kharae fawns, and she fawns hard.
Thinking on the companion!Kharae au (because I'm SORRY ever since I answered those asks I can't stop THINKING about it I need to do a co-op game where I just get so in character with companion!Kharae..), I think this presents itself in both how she handles a relationship with a Tav, and how easy she is to "romance."
I feel like she'd have the lowest approval threshold of any character to start a romance. Keep her in the party for just a bit and she's ready for you. Almost impossible to be rejected by her at the tiefling/goblin party, unless you do everything ever to piss her off, and even then there would still be an option. In act 2, however, there would be a scene that'd take a few things into account: Identity of your Tav, and approval.
-High approval male tav: Gets a scene where Kharae sits him down and goes "Look. I don't. Think I like you. And that honestly makes me really happy to know. Because you make me feel safe in a way I've never felt safe before. I would love to still be around you. You're a great guy. I don't love you romantically but I adore a lot about you. I wanna be your best friend. More than your best friend. But not your partner." The "romance" continues in a more... QPR manner, and while every romance-specific scene is available, it continues with a different... tone. This does include any future sex scenes being available, but the framing is less... "Romantic music, low lighting, sensual and sweet" and more "two buds goin' at it."
-Low approval male tav: Gets a scene where Kharae goes full force in trying to seduce him. The scene is almost uncomfortable with how hard she's trying, and when she's rejected (y'know, right thing to do) she gets extremely distant, before admitting she's not happy and doesn't want this anymore. Tav can try and convince her to stay, but Kharae will refuse. She'll apologize, blaming herself for being so wrong with everything, and leave, ending the romance there.
-High approval female tav: Similar to the male Tav, Kharae sits her down to explain her feelings. "You are nice to me and it's scary. I don't know when you're going to get rid of me. I don't know when you're going to wise up and realize I'm not as good as you seem to think I am. I'm sorry that you care about something like me, but I do think I love you, and I want to stay with you. I'm sorry." Once she's calmed down, the scene ends with her thanking Tav, and the romance continues normally.
-Low approval female tav: Similar to the male tav, just 100% worse. Whereas the scene for a man is almost uncomfortable, this one is clearly wrong. She's terrified, and she makes it clear. She stumbles over her words in a way that's more disturbing than cute, she missteps and instantly begins groveling, far too terrified to stand up for herself. She doesn't care about Tav, she's terrified of her. There's a chance to sit down and explain to her that Tav means no harm, which takes a pretty difficult persuasion check at the start, a chance to say she's overreacting, or a chance to really go full-force on establishing yourself as something she should fear. The romance "pauses" if you pass the persuasion check (with Kharae saying, essentially, "prove you aren't going to hurt me, and I'll consider it"), ends if you say she's overreaction (she leaves and when you speak with her again, it starts a new scene where she breaks off the romance essentially saying "fuck you"), and it continues if you scare her into submission, albeit... Very unhappily.
For nonbinary identities, it does go based on body type, genitals unimportant.
Actually, the more I write, the more I start to realize... Sex with women is far more scary than it is with men. Kharae is down to clown with anybody, even if she only finds women attractive (friction is friction in her eyes), but being with women is terrifying for her. It's one of those things that takes her a while to feel comfortable with, partially because of how she makes herself feel ashamed for wanting it. All she's ever known is Sornolu, and she judges every relationship based off of her. I think that's the biggest take away--Kharae is scared of the fact she's a lesbian. She's scared of the fact she likes women, because for centuries, her trauma was brought about at the hands of a woman she (thought she) loved.
In the best world? Kharae learns what real freedom means. She learns how to fuck nasty without being afraid. She learns how to love with all her heart. She learns that most people in the world won't hurt her, not like how Sornolu did. She falls in love, she channels her magic, she grows free. I could make a whole different post about how sex is freeing for Kharae, especially after making steps to work past her trauma. i should! maybe.
#this got. so fucking long.#wow.#i just spent like. the past hour or two just going insane. deleting and writing new things. trying so hard to stay on topic#stay focused on PRIDE and not just start rambling about the intricacies of kharae's sexuality#tl;dr: sornolu is the worst and kharae is scared of women and even more scared of the fact she's into them.#aughguhjggk i have SO many thoughts i need to talk about her so much more now#thank you. you've cursed me.#oc: kharae mlezzoryn#(or mlemzzoryn. :3)
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With ao3 down, part of me wonders if I should start crossposting my fics?? I guess it wouldn't hurt since I generally cross-post my art on different sites. Something for me to think about tonight
#Ive seen folks post their fics here as well as ao3#like my writing tag is basically ao3 links#my one fear is acknowlging my unfinished fic that's on indefinite hiatus#posting that again while knowing I'm not in the mindset to update it anymore#*shudders*#I know it's not a big deal but that was a fix where I had so many story beats planned out and made some art for it#fic*#it was a story that got me to write something down after so many years of being intimidated despite loving to write as a kid#I'm not as big into the fandom as I once was but once in a blue moon I remember that fic and wonder what it'd be like if I continued it#it was certainly an ambitious underrating for sure#undertaking* wow I'm struggling to spell#I'm rambling but what else is new#I also oughtta start writing and posting original stories#it's funny cause that was the original purpose of this blog#things changed along the way (I mean this in a good way!)#it's been fun growing and trying new things over the years#wow this started as a random thought about crossposting fics#and now it's just me going down memory lane#I'll stop before I start writing a thesis in the tags lmao
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This is so weird. I just found out, through a random instagram story, that I have a condition called Aphantasia. This means that I cannot see mental images. My brain is just words, I never see anything. I always thought that that was normal and thought that the people who could see stuff were special. Guess it's the other way around. Huh, this is a really weird day
#Aphantasia#i just always thought that it was normal i couldnt see a thing#it did make my emdr therapy sessions a lot harder tho#because they usually work with a mental image#my therapist definetely didn't know about this#she just suggested that instead we try to see if it worked with words for me#it did#but wow#never thought it was something that was so different from other people#i tried to find stuff about it on the internet#there are some other symptoms that i recognise too#but research is still going#cause its a relatively new thing#they only started to describe it back in 2015 after a study was done on it#weird day#they also call it mind blindness#me#personal#me rambling#i just had to type it out#cause wtf#if i hadnt looked on instagram today#i wouldnt have known this
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