#wow that was a lot of typos

[degenderates]

First time being drunk it's great

[glitterghost]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel like there is a particular kind of sadness (or loneliness, if you will) that ace/aro folk feel.

[front-facing-pokemon]

[bluespring864]

Aryna on her rivalry with Iga source: WTA TV, found here

"I love to have this rivalry, you know, it's motivat[ing] me to keep working hard, to keep improving myself, make sure that I bring my best tennis on each match I play against Iga [...] I love to overcome stuff, I love to win those tough battles, that's what makes me feel at the top of the world so - I love it!"

On filming a tiktok together:

[smiles] "I mean, obviously, I was the one who brought the idea and I was just like 'Okay, I have to ask!' I came to her... and we were practicing yesterday, so I was like 'Okay it's a good opportunity to come and ask!' and I came and I'm like 'I have an idea, Iga' and she's like [makes serious face and lowers her voice] 'Tiktok'? and I'm like 'Yes' and she's like 'I always get tight but let's try it!' and as her team told me I made her to do her first tiktok I believe so I'm like 'Wow that's impressive!' and I think it was fun - it was fun! And we never had actually a chance to just, to kind of get close to each other and even, like, have fun together. So that was a really cool moment! And on court, of course we are opponents and everyone want[s] to win [against] everyone but off court I think we have to be, um, we have to be cool to each other, like all of us, you know sometimes we just have to get together and have some fun."

[possamble]

do you have any particular thoughts regarding marcille being a half-elf? its interesting to me considering the fact that she seems self-conscious about being a half-elf, but denies it when its brought up

i remember marcille looking visibly uncomfortable over laios simply asking her how old she is, which i think the only reason she might feel nervous about this is because it might reveal her as a half-elf to him.

she's never corrected anybody whose called her an elf either.

never mind the circumstances of the reveal, in which thistle goes on about how half-elves are inferior and accusing her of wanting to become full blooded elf, she seemed particularly upset like he struck a nerve-

i wish the half-elf thing was built upon more. also, underrated marcille line:

okay so i revisited this sequence just to make sure I could back myself up and it's just... man. there's a lot going on.

the first reaction we get from Marcille is this huge panel that takes up half of the page

she is viscerally affected. flushing to the tips of her ears with the intensity of it. and we see it again, a few pages later

so it might seem like she's embarrassed about it and lying to herself, but... I really think it's just that Thistle is accidentally hitting sore spots. If you really look at what he says to get these reactions

"you'll live out your entire life [...] and die that way too"

"a hundred years from now, nobody will be there"

Hear me out. I think, if he stuck to harping on about her inferiority without bringing up how terrifyingly long-lived she is, she wouldn't have been as bothered. But right now, Thistle is accidentally hitting all the marks on Marcille's deepest fears-- and this is after the Winged Lion promised her that her dreams could come true in an extremely vulnerable moment, so it also hits her slightly guilty conscience as well.

I do truly believe that Marcille isn't bothered about being a half-elf the way that people assume she'd be bothered by it. To her, the biggest problem with being a half-elf is that it's isolating.

On one hand, it's not hard to imagine why she'd distance herself from elves in the west. A lot of them can clock her as a half-elf on sight, unlike other races, and therefore she's always branded with this weird stigma of being Othered -- I would even say that she considers herself lucky for being born outside of elven culture instead of having to grow up in it. I mean, just... look at the way elves talk about her.

Skipping past the uncomfortable implication of what 'not tolerating the existence' of half-elves would actually entail, this is incredibly fucking annoying. You can see why she wouldn't want to be around elves much. You see a lot of Marcille reacting badly here, but honestly, almost all of it can be attributed to her freaking out that her bluff completely failed. She's honestly more paying attention to Izutsumi's footsteps and trying to coordinate an opportunity to escape.

And in the end, you see her built-up frustration at being asked if she wants to be a full-blooded elf like 2-3 times in a row.

Yeah, yeah, "the lady doth protest too much," and all. But we know Marcille. We know that she's a lot more embarrassed and horrendously unconvincing when she's being prodded about something she's actually self-conscious about.

Moving onto the flipside of things, it might seem weird that she "pretends" to be a full elf around other races, but it's not really that strange if you think about it. Again, people are weird about her being infertile or whatever, and a lots of them don't even know much about what sets half-elves apart from everyone else. I mean, look at how uncomfortable Laios is just asking her about it

and look at how exasperated and resigned she looks

And like... she's right. Where would that come up in normal conversation? Why would she go out of her way to tell them? She's functionally a normal elf to other races anyway -- got the ears, the abnormally long "childhood", and the huge mana capacity. Unless it's directly relevant or important for people to know, I don't think it's all that strange or indicative of insecurity that she prefers not to bother with it.

(This combined with her sense of being an "outsider" to elf culture also explains why she thinks elf superiority is embarrassing. She sees the way elves treat short-lived races from the "outsider" perspective nonetheless, and thinks it's obnoxious; especially more so because she usually has to play the elf around short-lived races and deal with the reputation of arrogance that elves have built up.)

The sad thing is, this all means that... she doesn't actually fit in anywhere. She doesn't like going out West much because of how elves treat her. But she's also an outsider in the continents she was born in, treated like this exotic long-lived alien choosing to live among short-lived races for some reason. She is always an outsider, the Other, no matter where she goes. Add in the fact that she'll live longer than literally anyone she knows, and it's honestly kind of heartbreaking.

And I think that's the crux of it. Marcille really doesn't act like she's at all self-conscious about being a half-elf because of any feelings of inferiority or being half-made or whatever. She considers herself a perfectly legitimate being and might even, in some ways, consider herself superior to normal elves because she's not blind with elf supremacy or whatever. (And whatever "elven biases" she displays, all of them are born more out of the fact that she's kind of bad at conceptualizing how other races age and mature compared to herself, not that she actually considers herself better or more mature simply for being an elf.)

I think that whatever self-consciousness Marcille has about being a half-elf is, instead, related to terror and loneliness. The reminder that it ensures she'll never truly belong anywhere for the rest of her very long life. The reminder that, in truth, even she's not actually sure how old she is by other races' standards (hence the discomfort when asked how old she is). She doesn't want to not be a half elf, or be a full elf or full tall-man-- in her ideal world, she's still a half-elf. She just gets to live out her life at the same pace with the people she loves and doesn't have to say goodbye again and again and again until she dies.

and one last very important panel, right after Mithrun tells her that all her desires would be devoured

In her ideal world, she's still a half-elf and reality magically starts marching at her pace. But failing that, the second best thing is that she's still a half-elf-- but one who is able to accept reality and let go of her fear.

(But the rest of the story pans out the way it does because, to Marcille, taking reality apart and reshaping it was less scary than simply and fully reconciling with it.)

[kyonite]

enjoy almost 2k of jen being very down bad for a woman who doesn't like her very much (or so she thinks)

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s3 episode 10 thoughts

WHEW!!! another rollercoaster of an episode tonight!!!

without further ado, please buckle up and get comfortable while i walk you through everything in excruciating detail. and below, i shall copy and paste my notes.

oh man, back for part TWO. i need to prepare myself. but honestly, can you do such a thing?! it’s debatable! you can only do the best you can. and after yesterday, i’m expecting some further big feelings. so we must keep our delaying brief. 

so i have some popcorn, and now we’re gonna get into it.

(wait. i see this episode is titled “731”. so i made that sort of disclaimer last night about needing to gather my thoughts on that being used in this show but i assume it’ll dive more into it today. so i guess just… keep that in mind? i try to be as articulate as i can when handling sensitive subject matter, but there are some things i know i’m not the most qualified to speak on)

but okay. jump in for real and i’ll try not to get too academic. 

oh we get another “previously on the x files”!! a recap!!! how special!!! and now we remember how high the stakes are. 

back in west virginia. at a gate. OH! this truck is just driving through that closed gate. well! that was abrupt. no care for property here in WV. we see that this is a disease research facility.

a lot of men with guns and disembarking into the facility and we hear a soft mewing… sort of how i’d imagine an alien cat tells you it is hungry?? are there more aliens here today?

no! it’s a man, not an alien, who emerges from a trap door.

JUST KIDDING!! THERE ARE ALIENS BEING LOADED INTO THE TRUCKS. so my alien noise detectors (ears) are in proper working order. 

(author’s note: or… are they aliens? it’s cast into doubt after the end of the episode, but for the sake of the LIVE nature of this liveblog, i will keep my original notes)

now i’m conflicted here, because these aliens look real small and sad, but if they’re behind what is being done to scully, they need to be punished. but it also seems that after last episode, it is the HUMANS who are doing the evil things. so how evil are these critters?

oh… i don’t like their fingers. 

the man is running up to the rest of the aliens, who are being taken into a clearing. oh no… not looking good for them.

and we see the man has a very distinctive face… hmm

alien execution by fire squad? noooo!!! this is exactly what happens. the soldiers seem to check that they’re dead and walk away. wtf??? do bullets work on aliens? i guess??

theme music plays as i type frantically. but i look up JUST IN TIME TO SEE THAT TODAY’S WORDS ARE DIFFERENT! “APOLOGY IS POLICY” HUH?

apology is policy… i feel like the government is really bad at apologizing for stuff though. so??

scully on the phone. mulder on the train.

scully wants to know what is on that train but x says it doesn’t matter. well not sure if you get to make that call!

SCULLY PULLS A GUN ON HIM!!! but he disarms her quickly. omg she is NOT playing around!! 

OH HE BROUGHT HER SISTER INTO THIS??? WHAT THE HELL???? X READ THE ROOM??

okay, that was uncalled for, but he says that if she wants to know what is on that train and who killed her sister, to figure out what they put in her neck…… he says it holds more than he could ever tell her. and then. he gives her the gun back and leaves. such an interesting dynamic between this dude and the agents.

SCULLY WHY DO THEY MAKE YOU SUFFER?

mulder trying to get into the train. still hanging on. and he finally found a way in!

looks at a sign that says quarantine and then tries to get into it lmaoooo. alas, he cannot.

so he goes to someone on the train and pulls the federal agent card, but the guy says he can’t help him. but a particular japanese doctor on board might be able to, dr. shiro zama. okayyyy are we getting somewhere????

mulder has a lot of confidence getting into these situations. so he takes the conductor to the dr. shiro zama’s room and says unlock the damn door.  and his room is…. empty??? is the conductor in on this. i’m suspicious.

he finds a suitcase full of writing though, and asks “why did i study french in high school”

! MULDER LORE REVEAL ! HE STUDIED FRENCH IN HIGH SCHOOL!!!! EXCELLENT!!!! CHEERING AND YELLING!!!

mulder says that if the conductor finds the doctor before he does to make him lie on the ground and hold him at gunpoint. so he’s showing the conductor how to use a gun. and he says he’s never used one before but again i am suspicious!!

back to the fbi. chip from scully’s neck analysis time. it seems to be… collecting information as if they are memories? and could even tell you A PERSON’S EVERY THOUGHT. she seems to be terrified. i would be too.

the chip guy says he found the name of the manufacturer!!! he destroyed the chip but he found the name!!! big shoutout to chip guy. 

AND THE CHIP WAS SENT TO DR. SHIRO ZAMA!!!

she’s touched and grabs his arm and this guy clearly has a crush on scully but like 1. same and 2. if it gets her life saving information idgaf

back on the train. we see the guy who killed all the other doctors last episode!!! and he’s going after who is presumably this episode’s doctor. henceforth he shall be referred to as “the strangler”

he gets dr. zama in a bathroom just as mulder walks by and seems to miss whatever is going down in there, which i assume is murder.

okay a car is pulling up in west virginia. IT’S SCULLY!!!!!!!!!!!!! with a flashlight at night. and people are running out of the disease building!!! where are they going….

this is spoooooky. very dark and quiet and just a flashlight and a dream here. but something is under the floorboards!!!! is it the guy from the start of the episode??? she is no fool, she sees him. AND A BUNCH OF OTHER PEOPLE DOWN THERE??? begging not to be hurt. HELLO??? THERE ARE MULTIPLES???

mulder back on the train. sleuthing. finds the dead doctor!!! straight up STRANGLED. a woman screams that he’s dead but mulder is like “no he’s sick :)” and pats her kid’s head and smiles <- LMAOOOOOOO i knew this man did improv in high school

back to the disease facility. scully wants to know who these people under the floorboards are, and says she won’t hurt them and that she is an fbi agent, which is the truth, but possibly not the most reassuring answer. they live here!! 

she puts together that this place used to be a leper colony but it isn’t anymore. so they just left these people there? :(

they say dr. zama “isn’t here anymore” SO HE WAS, AT ONE POINT, HERE?

THESE PEOPLE ARE HIDING FROM “THE DEATH SQUADS” HUH??? scully is deeply confused. but they explain that hundreds have been killed.

she’s like, i thought leprosy was curable, and he says yeah, but we were disfigured before treatment arrived so they kept us out here :( this is so sad!!!

and the others had the “hansen’s deformities” (i do not know what this refers to sorry but we can google later) and he says dr. zama would BURN them. horrific human experimentation!!!!

so he leads her to the execution site from the start of the episode. and it is an open pit of what looks like, to me, aliens. it’s horrific. and he says there are more. it’s really really sad. like i can’t explain how sad it is. 

and just as they do that, a helicopter arrives and shines a light on them both! i realize we don’t even know that gentleman’s name :(

scully is hiding in the woods but people with guns are running in and have surrounded her. they say “move and you’re dead” AND WE HEAR GUNSHOTS IN THE DISTANCE!!! NOOO… WHAT ABOUT OUR UNNAMED FELLOW???

mulder says not to stop the train until he finds the killer and i’m like okaaaay this is freaky. he is really hoping the conductor isn’t evil. but the quarantine door is unlocked!!! so he goes in. hopefully not to contract a scary disease. and he looks in the back AND SEES AN ALIEN!!! ALIVE!!!

but then the strangler comes to kill him!!! he starts to strangle him until the conductor comes him with his (empty) gun!!! the strangler says he’s a “law enforcement officer” which um. okay.

the conductor locks this “law enforcement officer” in the quarantine car with mulder. and poor mulder is covered in marks around his neck from the strangling :(

strangler claims he works for the NSA. and that there is a bomb on the train. because of the back room alien. and he says anything could make the weapon blow up.

is he bluffing??? 

scully in custody. some guy wants to speak with her alone and he knows her name. HE SAYS HE KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT HER??

he says this was a place where society sent its monsters to live in isolation. and that the people here were all victims of Zama. OKAY BUT ANSWER WHY YOU KNOW HER… WERE YOU THE FREAK PUTTING STUFF IN HER NECK??? so is this whole ordeal with scully and the others in allentown zama’s fault??? and THIS guy who was talking to her, he was the one that BROUGHT ZAMA HERE???

oh no, dr. zama began secret evil experimentations… who could have seen this coming when you recruited the guy SPECIFICALLY for his past secret evil experiments? truly no one! /s

this guy says he wants to show her something. ummm who is this guy and also what is he doing and why? because i want to throw hands. 

back on the train. the conductor asks if he should pry open the door. and the strangler has the keycard. and he claims to have a code, but if they use the code again it’ll set “the bomb” off. 

mulder doesn’t buy it and starts to put the code in. but a phone starts ringing. it’s the strangler’s. he says the phone call is for him. can we put it on speaker. 

OKAY SO. THE GUY WHO IS BEING WEIRD AND HAS SCULLY IS NAMED “ELDER”. shoutout to closed captions. 

anyway, she is on the phone and says that whatever is on that train isn’t actually alien. and that the people he was experimenting on were homeless, subjected to diseases and radiation. so he goes to check and see if the “alien” in the secret room really looks like a alien.

hmm… i find this hard to believe and am curious as to why scully claims to buy it. unless elder is forcing her to say these things….

she answers this very question by saying that SHE HAS BEEN IN THIS CAR BEFORE. WHEN THEY WERE EXPERIMENTING ON HER. NOOOO SCULLY :(

she says there is no alien abduction, and it’s a smokescreen for the government to experiment on people. and the “UFO” he saw was NOT a UFO, but a russian submarine. hmm not sure i’m buying that…

OH??? TWO WEEKS AGO the president made a public apology for secret radiation tests?? (are we still in bill era for s3 or has it transitioned to george bush town? i honesty can’t tell when this season dropped. need to look up radiation apologies)

and she says that there is a BOMB in the car as the strangler said, and the test subject/alien in the back was exposed to an awful fever, and if it blows up, a ton of people will be exposed. huh… who IS this dude trapped back there?

she says there is a ventilation grid, and the timer to the bomb is hidden inside. so the strangler opens it.  and yes! there is a bomb!!! with a little under 2 hours left!!!!!!

she says that they need to get the train to stop so a bomb squad can get out there, but he PRETENDS THE CALL IS BREAKING UP!!! and he hangs up!!!! what a traitor, thinking he can use his own smarts to get out of this! what an ego or a blind optimism this man has!

SCULLY :( why does she have to suffer in such ways… now she can’t reach her friend on the train that is about to blow up….

mulder says to reroute the train to the least populated area and unhook the car…. OMG???? WHAT IS HE PLANNING??

doing that thing where people move the train tracks. so cool. and they unhook the car they’re in!

the strangler is on the floor but he sees a scalpel…. what is HE planning…. 

scully is speeding home. “scully, let me tell you, you haven’t seen america til you’ve seen it from a train” “DAMN IT MULDER, WHAT HAPPENED” <- LMAOOOOOO, line delivered by man whose coping mechanism is Quips

he says that if what HE thinks is on that train is in there, they’ll get him out. she says if what SHE thinks is on that train, they’ll let ‘em blow up. 

mulder is asking the strangler what the hell is going on. and when he is giving smarmy looks instead of an answer, mulder says that he’ll shoot him in the stomach, which is THE MOST PAINFUL AND SLOWEST WAY TO DIE. OH. HE MEANS BUSINESS!

so the strangler says this creature on the train is a weapon. and that dr. zama was trying to find something immune to radiation and biological warfare. and mulder pulls out the “alien-human hybrid” card… but the strangler is like, well if that were true, wouldn’t someone have come to save it by now… UGH, SO WHAT IS THE TRUTH?

scully in mulder’s apartment. searching through his things. his journal. calling a number? CALLING THE SENATOR?!

we learn mulder’s number is 555-0199. so that’s some useless information for ya but maybe it’ll help you sweep trivia night. and she puts the tape X up! just bites the tape right off to cut it. love that for her. 

watching the autopsy again. and she winces, possibly realizing that she is seeing what was done to her. 

SHE SEES DR. ZAMA ENTERING A CODE IN THE VIDEO!!! carefully going frame by frame to figure out each number. whilst the strangler smirks from behind. possibly with the weapon…

she can’t fully see the last number though!! and it works!!!!

BUT THE STRANGLER!!!! HE ATTACKS!!!!!

BUT THEN HE GETS SHOT!!!!

is that…. X?????? (he has kinda like almost bell bottom looking pants but it could also maybe be skinner?)

MULDER’S FACE IS COVERED IN BLOOD!!! AND IT IS X!!! HE SEES THERE IS ONLY A MINUTE LEFT ON THE BOMB TIMER. what is he doing???! going to the creature in the back?!! is he gonna let it get blown up……… 

X is carrying mulder like a rag doll and it IS FUNNY LMAOOOO it’s kinda cute…… they’re getting out of there RIGHT AS THE CAR BLOWS UP!!!!

so was that an alien?? was it a plague bearing human??? will mulder now be exposed to plague?? WHAT IS THE TRUTH???

time skip to a week later. mulder is making calls to try and figure out what happened to the car and his face :( it’s all beat up :(

and senator matheson isn’t returning his calls…

she has a briefcase from the train but it ISN’T THE RIGHT ONE!!!!

scully says that mulder is doing the government’s work for them, chasing aliens that aren’t there to help cover a shameful story. AND SHE SAYS “APOLOGY HAS BECOME POLICY!!”

he says he wants them held accountable for what DID happen, he wants an apology for the truth, and he looks like he is gonna cry. their disagreements make me sad because they want the same thing, but i see her point…

so someone is translating a journal written in japanese… is it the OG or the fake?

GASP!!! CIG MAN IS WATCHING THE TRANSLATION PROCESS!!!

OMGGGG a million thoughts.

i really liked this episode in terms of plot. i thought we were steering straight into alien territory after the last episode, but they’re giving us more non-alien explanations that are honestly pretty damn believable. i mean, i don’t know what the results of inventive radiation torture would make a human being look like, but maybe it could look like what we assume an alien to be? OR it could be a hybrid of both stories, there’s experimentation going on with vulnerable people AND aliens are involved. 

and the reveal that scully was tested on by people- man!!! on the one hand, how horrific to learn this for a person whose greatest fear is the evil humans can create. but on the other hand, it was human, not alien, so there should be an explanation that could make sense. even if the answers are being hidden, she can try and find them. but again, how terrifying to know humans do this to fellow humans.

they’re fighting a bit at the end, because they have entirely different interpretations on what is going on, and their own individual reasoning and experience that backs their thoughts up, and it’s so deeply personal for both of them. but they want the same thing. i want to make them sit down and say that they are approaching the same problem from two different angles!! and that is okay!!! 

sighs. mulder, willing to gamble his life for a creature that could be an alien, could be a bio weapon, could be anything, but if it keeps people safe he will risk anything for it. anything for the truth.

and x showing up in the nick of time, hauling him out, saving him… after all the fights they’ve gotten into, x risking his life just to sneak him information, but never telling him enough… no matter how many times they come to blows he still showed up, dragged him away from the bomb, killed his attacker… truly, what is this dude’s motive? what is his job? whose side is he on? i would bet there is no consistant side for him, just a paycheck. 

omg. so the terrible things being done to scully are being done by humans… it doesn’t explain everything (and i don’t buy either of their stories fully) but how juicy. how terrible for scully, but juicy for a viewer of the plot.

but if they WERE experimenting on people who were homeless or otherwise vulnerable as she claimed, why on earth would they pick her? her absence was noted, her job was prominent, it’s not like she was scooped off the street. and duane barry had to bring her to where she was taken. also, duane was the only guy that we know of that was taken… maybe they were taken by different groups?? different experiments going on?? maybe one was taken by aliens and the other by people??? maybe they’re lying about only taking people who were already vulnerable, and will take anyone for sample size? man. i have so many questions. but i LIKE that. i like having mystery and a big conspiracy to try and crack, even if you run into a million endless snakes biting their own tails. nothing explains everything.

what was cig guy doing!!! and who made the chip that was in scully!! and who really sent the strangler!! and what was that creature!! why did “elder” know scully!!!

i think that the government doing awful evil things is a lot more compelling to me than an outside alien force. and sure, both can work together, don’t get me wrong, because we know aliens exist in SOME capacity after the whole poisonous gas blood and endless clones of that one lady pretending to be samantha from last season, but it’s an infinite universe, there are probably a ton of alien species. maybe the clones were one and these guys are another. 

the point i was trying to get at was this: i think the government doing evil stuff is compelling. but i’m torn on the use of real human suffering as a story building element. the things committed by unit 731 were unspeakably horrific, beyond description. but that really happened, to REAL human beings, not characters on a screen. to use that suffering and build off it it, to incorporate that into fiction is… troubling to me.

and this isn’t exclusive to the x files by any means, there are other stories that take the human experimentation that was actually done to real people in WW2 and imposes it/expands upon it in fictional contexts- but i feel a sense of… like, these things were truly real and horrible, and using them as a jumping off point feels… maybe trivializing is the word? they’re treated in the show as awful, horrible things, but they’re expanded upon in a fantastical manner that almost makes it feel like the real horrible things that happened weren’t horrific enough. idk, i’d be interested in hearing thoughts on the subject. 

but i feel that if i want to expand upon that at length, it would be best to do it in its own post. as is my rule with things that are too serious for just one post. 

(to be clear, i’m not critiquing the episode, which was well done and performed and had me at the edge of my seat. i’m raising a question about the ethics of the writing itself and if using that real horror as a jumping off point is a morally sound thing to do. feel free to chime in, you don’t have to make a huge think piece or anything, just wondering if that crossed anyone else’s mind)

morality of the plot points set aside to discuss for another day, this episode was another banger. i was at the edge of my seat and KEPT pausing to take notes lmao. i would get one thing down and ANOTHER WOULD HAPPEN! the pacing was great, i was sad to see our agents separated but isn’t there something wonderful about a phone call connecting them despite the distance? i feel that we are getting closer and closer looks into what drives them, what their essential differences are despite their commitment to figure out what is going on and their mutual skin in the game. i just don’t want them to argueeee :( my babies :(

wow! that was a lot to say, and i’m sleepy, so i best end here before i am tempted to develop all the lore into course content that i subject my friends to.

[jacuzziwaters]

Anybody have any quick and low effort recipes that aren't spaghetti or include beef or pork? Pinterest isn't helping me 😭

[armandauntie]

So… what I think the dlc is saying is that the omen curse was never a curse it was just a way people could be born and it was only seen as a curse because of marika’s and the golden order’s unending campaign of revenge against the hornsent …. and this then directly set up the events occurring in the dlc because of the lives marika’s children led and their treatment at the hands of the society she built

[coquelicoq]

part of the process of learning to take responsibility for your actions is learning what things you can't take responsibility for. not just to protect you (e.g., from your own feelings of guilt; from people taking advantage of your willingness to take responsibility by attributing blame to you unfairly), but because to take responsibility is not just to say "it was my fault and i'm sorry" but to actually do things (to make amends and to mitigate and prevent future harm), and if you don't understand what to take responsibility for, you aren't going to understand how to take responsibility.

there is a lot that's outside of your control. people put a lot of emphasis on forgiveness in a way that i think is missing the point. being forgiven is not my priority. my priority is that i am doing what it is in my power to do. i can't control how that's received. i'd like it to be received well; i'm doing what i'm doing because i want to repair harm that i have caused to another person, so it matters to me if what i'm doing is actually achieving that goal or not. but there's only so much that i can do to achieve that goal, and if i'm doing it, and the harm is not repaired, that's okay. that's beyond my control. i have to make my peace with the fact that i've caused harm to another person that is not resolved, because i'm doing what i can and i have to continue living on this earth, and in continuing to live i'm going to be living with the fact of that unresolved harm. the most important thing at that point is for me to use my knowledge of the specific ways in which my actions harmed that person to change my behavior going forward to avoid causing that harm again, to the extent that that's within my power.

it doesn't do anyone - you or the people you have harmed - any good for you to assign responsibility to yourself for things that you can't control. if you're going to attempt the active work of repair and change you have to first identify what it's possible to repair and change. you can't actually repair a relationship all by yourself! you can only change your own behavior. you can only offer amends to the other person that they may or may not find sufficient. not to go all serenity prayer on you but guilt for the sake of guilt just makes you feel way more powerful than you actually are (because you think that everything happened because of you) and at the same time completely incapable of exercising your power (because you don't understand what your power actually is). to effect change you have to focus on the things you can actually change. focusing on the things you can't change is a problem not just because it's taking your focus away from the things you can change, but because it means you don't actually understand the sphere of your own influence. you're operating under what is essentially a self-centered worldview in which you could make everything better, you could prevent all harm, if only you were trying harder, if only you were a better person. who does that serve? it doesn't reflect reality. it makes you hate yourself and feel sorry for yourself at the same time, and it doesn't actually improve things for the people you harmed. it doesn't help keep you from harming people in the future, because you don't understand the territory and the limits of the causal relationship between your actions and other people's reactions to them.

you can only do what you can do. what you can't do, you can't do, and you can't take responsibility for doing, either in the past or present. after you realize that there is harm to repair the next step in the process of repair is to ask yourself what your responsibility is for the past and what your agency is going forward. everything else will follow from that. you simply cannot skip that step.

[voidshrubsquared]

Listen. Listen to me

Do you know how much I LOVE that comic? IT'S SO GOOD SO SO SO GOOD

We get to see a glimpse of Click's inner workings! How his mind operates!! His complicated relationship with himself and the other pinks and what it is to BE a pink!!!! Is he just like them? Are they all the same?? Is HE the horrible one??? Is he not horrible ENOUGH???? WHO KNOWS!!! And the 'I miss my department' like MANS DOESN'T WANNA BE THERE!!! HE DOESN'T WANNA THINK ABOUT IT!!!! HE HATES IT HERE CAUSE INTERACTING WITH THESE GUYS MAKES HIM THINK TOO MUCH💕💖💕💖

Like, what if they're all the same? Then Click isn't special and he's just another darkner abiding by the rules of his code.

What if the others laced the candy platter and he didn't? Then Click is too soft, they'll eat him alive out there! How is he going to survive!!

What if he's projecting and nobody else even thought of lacing the candy? Does that mean he's just a horrible person in general? Is it not just a pink thing and more a HIM thing?

And then the visuals, the zooming in into the one piece of candy among all the others in the candy platter as he does Thoughts™

O U G H OVJJSBBCKROLNXNFODOF

DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHY I LOVE HIM DO YOU GET WHY I WANT TO INJECT HIM DIRECTLY INTO MY BLOODSTREAM THIS IS WHY HE'S MY FAVORITE ADDISON HIS WRITING IS IMMACULATE

[i-may-be-an-emu]

Goodnight emu sleepy time

[equinoxartz]

*Hands you my design/version of Rouxls*

[cerealmonster15]

rereading my fics is like a constant cycle of being like "teehee that was funny. oh god that line was cringe. hehe that was funny. wait why did i say that 😑. hehe. wait i forgot about that part. hang on didnt i plan to write xyz into this why did i never get to that. teehee that was funny-"

[letthebookbegin]

Choose Your Own Adventure

Things happen in threes, people always seem to say. Well, so far today you've been yelled at by your manager and soaked by the ol' reliable collaboration of a bus and a puddle, and you quite fancy passing out in your bed so you're fully unconscious by the time the third thing manages to find you. You look down as you fumble with your keys and pause - there's a rumpled bouquet shaking on your doorstep, clearly blown out of someone's arms with the wind.

[joshus-lobster]

Hey so remember when they dropped that little 4 letter censored article that was like “James Ford is producing an album currently, is it Blur????” Then turned around and were like “he said ____ and we censored it because we might get jn trouble <3” then the article got deleted. So did tbe article reporting on THAT article, One then rushed to put out an entirely different James Ford article like “oops youre looking up James Ford? You’re crazy we only put out this article about him talking about working with AM teehee”

So why censor it and then pretend “ohhh? Blur maybe???” Its not Blur. We all know its not Blur.