#the only thing that really bothers her is the material reality of it and how people treat her

[possamble]

do you have any particular thoughts regarding marcille being a half-elf? its interesting to me considering the fact that she seems self-conscious about being a half-elf, but denies it when its brought up

i remember marcille looking visibly uncomfortable over laios simply asking her how old she is, which i think the only reason she might feel nervous about this is because it might reveal her as a half-elf to him.

she's never corrected anybody whose called her an elf either.

never mind the circumstances of the reveal, in which thistle goes on about how half-elves are inferior and accusing her of wanting to become full blooded elf, she seemed particularly upset like he struck a nerve-

i wish the half-elf thing was built upon more. also, underrated marcille line:

okay so i revisited this sequence just to make sure I could back myself up and it's just... man. there's a lot going on.

the first reaction we get from Marcille is this huge panel that takes up half of the page

she is viscerally affected. flushing to the tips of her ears with the intensity of it. and we see it again, a few pages later

so it might seem like she's embarrassed about it and lying to herself, but... I really think it's just that Thistle is accidentally hitting sore spots. If you really look at what he says to get these reactions

"you'll live out your entire life [...] and die that way too"

"a hundred years from now, nobody will be there"

Hear me out. I think, if he stuck to harping on about her inferiority without bringing up how terrifyingly long-lived she is, she wouldn't have been as bothered. But right now, Thistle is accidentally hitting all the marks on Marcille's deepest fears-- and this is after the Winged Lion promised her that her dreams could come true in an extremely vulnerable moment, so it also hits her slightly guilty conscience as well.

I do truly believe that Marcille isn't bothered about being a half-elf the way that people assume she'd be bothered by it. To her, the biggest problem with being a half-elf is that it's isolating.

On one hand, it's not hard to imagine why she'd distance herself from elves in the west. A lot of them can clock her as a half-elf on sight, unlike other races, and therefore she's always branded with this weird stigma of being Othered -- I would even say that she considers herself lucky for being born outside of elven culture instead of having to grow up in it. I mean, just... look at the way elves talk about her.

Skipping past the uncomfortable implication of what 'not tolerating the existence' of half-elves would actually entail, this is incredibly fucking annoying. You can see why she wouldn't want to be around elves much. You see a lot of Marcille reacting badly here, but honestly, almost all of it can be attributed to her freaking out that her bluff completely failed. She's honestly more paying attention to Izutsumi's footsteps and trying to coordinate an opportunity to escape.

And in the end, you see her built-up frustration at being asked if she wants to be a full-blooded elf like 2-3 times in a row.

Yeah, yeah, "the lady doth protest too much," and all. But we know Marcille. We know that she's a lot more embarrassed and horrendously unconvincing when she's being prodded about something she's actually self-conscious about.

Moving onto the flipside of things, it might seem weird that she "pretends" to be a full elf around other races, but it's not really that strange if you think about it. Again, people are weird about her being infertile or whatever, and a lots of them don't even know much about what sets half-elves apart from everyone else. I mean, look at how uncomfortable Laios is just asking her about it

and look at how exasperated and resigned she looks

And like... she's right. Where would that come up in normal conversation? Why would she go out of her way to tell them? She's functionally a normal elf to other races anyway -- got the ears, the abnormally long "childhood", and the huge mana capacity. Unless it's directly relevant or important for people to know, I don't think it's all that strange or indicative of insecurity that she prefers not to bother with it.

(This combined with her sense of being an "outsider" to elf culture also explains why she thinks elf superiority is embarrassing. She sees the way elves treat short-lived races from the "outsider" perspective nonetheless, and thinks it's obnoxious; especially more so because she usually has to play the elf around short-lived races and deal with the reputation of arrogance that elves have built up.)

The sad thing is, this all means that... she doesn't actually fit in anywhere. She doesn't like going out West much because of how elves treat her. But she's also an outsider in the continents she was born in, treated like this exotic long-lived alien choosing to live among short-lived races for some reason. She is always an outsider, the Other, no matter where she goes. Add in the fact that she'll live longer than literally anyone she knows, and it's honestly kind of heartbreaking.

And I think that's the crux of it. Marcille really doesn't act like she's at all self-conscious about being a half-elf because of any feelings of inferiority or being half-made or whatever. She considers herself a perfectly legitimate being and might even, in some ways, consider herself superior to normal elves because she's not blind with elf supremacy or whatever. (And whatever "elven biases" she displays, all of them are born more out of the fact that she's kind of bad at conceptualizing how other races age and mature compared to herself, not that she actually considers herself better or more mature simply for being an elf.)

I think that whatever self-consciousness Marcille has about being a half-elf is, instead, related to terror and loneliness. The reminder that it ensures she'll never truly belong anywhere for the rest of her very long life. The reminder that, in truth, even she's not actually sure how old she is by other races' standards (hence the discomfort when asked how old she is). She doesn't want to not be a half elf, or be a full elf or full tall-man-- in her ideal world, she's still a half-elf. She just gets to live out her life at the same pace with the people she loves and doesn't have to say goodbye again and again and again until she dies.

and one last very important panel, right after Mithrun tells her that all her desires would be devoured

In her ideal world, she's still a half-elf and reality magically starts marching at her pace. But failing that, the second best thing is that she's still a half-elf-- but one who is able to accept reality and let go of her fear.

(But the rest of the story pans out the way it does because, to Marcille, taking reality apart and reshaping it was less scary than simply and fully reconciling with it.)

[ohbueckers]

WHAT’S MY NAME? say you gotta leave but i know you wanna stay. you just waiting on the traffic jam to finish, girl. the things that we could do in twenty minutes.

THIS IS PART THREE! part one and two. pairing, paige bueckers x tutor!oc. notes, thank you for all the love you guys are too sweet, like.. anyways lmk what you wanna see! this fic is looking pretty longish? rn. warnings, sexual content, more interruptions. (i’m cooking, trust…)

a selection of songs from paige’s playlist played through her dorm room, the speakers playing some old school r&b—just low enough to set the mood but not distract. paige leaned back against the headboard, her white sports bra clinging to her skin, abs visible as she propped herself between liana’s legs. they’d been done with studying ages ago, the notes they hadn’t even bothered to move to a desk long forgotten, and now the only thing that mattered was the way their lips moved against each other.

liana pulled away, breathless but grinning, a giggle escaping as she gently pushed at paige’s shoulders, the blonde dropping her hand from her face with a chuckle. “i really have to go.” her tone was more playful than serious, and it was a given that neither of them wanted her to leave.

paige smirked, leaning in to nibble at her neck, her lips brushing against her pulse point. “you always say that,” she murmured, her voice low, teasing. “but here you are, still sittin’ pretty in my lap.”

liana licked her lips, trying to suppress a laugh as she squirmed under paige’s attention. “i mean it this time! naomi’s been blowing up my phone.” as if on cue, her phone buzzed again from where it sat beside the two of them on the bed, the screen lighting up with another message. paige glanced at it but didn’t care to look too closely. naomi wasn’t her concern right now.

liana reached for the phone, but paige caught her wrist, pulling her hand back. “c’mon, just a few more minutes,” paige pleaded, her hands beginning to rub up and down on her ass. “traffic’s probably bad to your apartment anyway.”

liana rolled her eyes but didn’t fight it. “you’re impossible, know that?” she muttered, crumbling completely as she leaned back into paige’s kiss. it wasn’t hard to give in—especially when she was this close, her hands firm and steady as they slid up her back.

when they pulled away again, paige watched as liana shifted, moving over her until she was straddling her waist, her knees digging into the mattress on either side. she looked down at her with amusement and something dark—it hit paige hard. how could a girl she’d known for such a short amount of time have her feeling like this?

liana flipped her hair to one side, the curls cascading over her shoulder as she studied paige with those wide, curious eyes. paige was mesmerized, completely caught up in how liana looked at her, how her hands slowly roamed her body, fingers tracing the line of her sports bra, dipping down to touch the exposed skin of her stomach. her gaze stayed locked on her, smirking slightly as if taking in a sight she’d never seen before.

“i’m never getting out of here at this rate,” liana teased, shaking her head as her hands drifted lower, dangerously low.

“not like you wanted to. like, let’s be forreal,” paige shot back, a cocky grin tugging at her lips as she let her own hands explore liana’s thighs, her fingers trailing over the soft material of her leggings. she kissed a slow trail up to her ear, nibbling lightly, making liana gasp and grip her tighter.

another buzz made liana turn her head, glancing over at the screen, seeing naomi’s contact take over her phone again. she screwed her eyes shut in response, reality hitting her. she was actually in a predicament, and never, ever in her life would she have imagined it to be one like this.

paige noticed the shift in liana’s expression, pulling back just enough to look into her eyes. “you really finna’ answer that?” she asked, her voice softer now, yet there was still a bit of frustration behind them. paige wasn’t one to be possessive—at least, that’s what she told herself. but something about liana got under her skin, made her want more. and the fact that she couldn’t even get a few uninterrupted hours with her was driving her crazy. she shamefully wanted her all to herself, and that realization was a little too intense for her liking.

liana hesitated, her fingers still resting on paige’s shoulders. “i should… but i don’t want to.”

paige’s grin returned, a slow, knowing smile that wasn’t cocky this time, but more so relieved. “then don’t.” her hands found their way back to her thighs, pulling her even closer if that were possible. she wanted liana to stay, needed her to. not just because of the physical connection, but because she made her feel something she hadn’t felt in a while—alive, excited, and well, maybe a little scared.

“stay with me,” she whispered, her words more of a plea than a command. she didn’t want to think about why she cared so much or why liana’s choice mattered. all she knew was that she didn’t want this to end. both her time with her and whatever this was.

before she knew it, liana was tossing her phone aside, letting it go unanswered on the bed. the sound of naomi’s texts faded into the background as she leaned in, pressing her lips to paige’s in a kiss that left no room for hesitation. it was all hunger and need, a desperation to hold onto the moment for as long as they could.

paige began moving down to her neck, tasting the sweetness of liana’s skin as she placed soft kisses in all the right places. liana, lips slightly parted and eyes shut, couldn’t help but ask: “do you even remember anything i taught you tonight?” she giggled, trying to catch her breath even as she tilted her head to give paige better access.

paige’s lips hovered just above liana’s collarbone, her breath hot against her skin as she mumbled, “uh-huh… blah blah blah… something about… functions.” she punctuated her words with more kisses, each one making liana’s giggles turn into soft noises and whines.

“functions?” liana teased, clearly amused as she raised an eyebrow. but even as she tried to keep it light, she couldn’t deny how good paige felt, how right this all seemed. nobody had ever made her feel like this.

paige pulled back just slightly, just enough to catch liana’s eyes with her own. “yeah, it’s gon’ come back… eventually,” she pressed one last kiss to her neck before moving back to her face.

they both laughed softly into each other’s mouths before it dissolved into something more serious. paige’s hands slipped lower, fingers gliding inside the waistband of liana’s pants, teasing her in a way only she would.

but just as things were heating up again, the muffled sound of voices echoed from outside the door. paige froze, her lips still pressed against her as she listened, recognizing the familiar voices of her teammates. the interruption made her want to scream… for the second time.

“seriously?” paige groaned, pulling back, her forehead resting against liana’s chest as she tried to gather herself. this was getting ridiculous. they couldn’t catch a break.

liana thought it was almost comical at this point, but also incredibly annoying. “guess we’re cursed, huh?” she said with a soft laugh, trying to make light of the situation.

“seems like it. lemme’ walk you out,” and with a reluctant breath, paige helped liana off the bed, stumbling behind her towards the door. standing in front of it, liana instinctively began to smooth out her clothes, paige reaching for a shirt to throw over her head. afterwards, paige’s hands moved without thinking, reaching out to fix liana’s hair, gently tucking a few loose curl behind her ear.

when they stepped into the living area, the team was already sprawled across the couches, the sound of the door creaking open enough to snap their attention away from the tv. paige barely had a second to brace herself before the comments started flying.

“oh! oh, okay. yeaaah, oh, okay,” kk rambled out, her voice dripping with teasing insinuation. the pair could barely hear over the laughter and accusations, liana shooting them all a tight-lipped grin, making a note in her head to ask paige why she didn’t tell her they’d be on their asses the moment they stepped out.

aubrey, lounging with her legs kicked up on the coffee table, gave a low whistle. “bet y’all were ‘studying’ real hard, huh?”

paige threw her head down, walking extremely slow and unable to hold back the laugh that shook through her shoulders. she wasn’t embarrassed—far from it. she wasn’t sure she ever did around her team. when she lifted her head again, her grin was wide, flashing teeth as she shook her head at them.

“this is my cue,” liana said with a small laugh, though her cheeks were tinted a deeper shade of red. she slung her tutoring bag over her shoulder, doing her best to keep her cool. neither of them had yet to bring up where they stood after all of this, whether it’d continue to be a casual thing or not… and for some reason, it felt like the issue in communication from the start would be their downfall.

“alright, lemme’ get you out of here,” paige chuckled, giving her a wide-eyed look before placing a hand on her back and guiding her toward the door. the moment they stepped out, liana was bombarded with another round of remarks. all good-natured despite the intent behind them to make fun of paige.

“later, liana!” ice called after her with a grin.

“you get that tutor money, girlfriend!” nika added.

once liana was out the door and headed down the hallway, a never-ending smile on her face, paige stayed in the doorway for a moment, leaning against the frame. she watched her leave, her eyes lingering on her back as she disappeared around the corner. there was something about watching her go that made a little too eager for the next time they’d be alone. no distractions.

she sighed, finally closing the door and turning back towards the group, who paige really wished weren’t in her living area right now. there was almost never a quiet moment with them, some small chatter always being made and in this case, a lot of it being loud. paige couldn’t help but smirk as she made her way to the table, where a bag of fries sat waiting for her, courtesy of jana.

“what’d we miss?” kk teased, her eyes showing she was genuinely curious as if she were living vicariously through her. she sat on the arm of the couch, arms crossed and waiting for a response to every question everyone threw out. yes, every question.

“yeah, how’d that tutoring session really go?”

“we know this bitch doesn’t need help in algebra.”

“not too much.” paige shook her head, the grin on her face refusing to fade as she shoved a few fries into her mouth. “y’all are wild,” she said, her voice lighthearted but she was clearly pleased with the attention. “but it was good. real good.”

“real good, huh?” jana chimed in, raising an eyebrow as she leaned against the armrest. “so, are we talking ‘tutoring good,’ or…?”

“or ‘get a room good’?” ice finished for her, snickering.

paige rolled her eyes, but she couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up. “you know what? believe what you want,” she concluded, sitting down so she was still facing her teammates.

nika’s voice cut through the noise, a hint of seriousness in her voice threading through her usual teasing tone. “so, what are you gonna do about naomi, though?”

the question hung in the air for a moment, and paige paused mid-bite, her expression faltering just slightly as she swallowed her food. she knew they weren’t just asking out of curiosity, they were looking out for her, but she still felt the shift as much as she didn’t want to. naomi wouldn’t be an actual issue, right? paige didn’t even know if it’d last long enough for it to. actually… who was she kidding?

she adjusted her posture, dragging her hand through her hair. “they’re not even dating,” she said, as if that was an actual answer to nika’s question. shit, everybody’s question. “exes in some rekindling process, i guess—but i’m shutting it down.”

the group got loud again. “oh, that’s really convincing, paige,” aubrey said through ragged breaths.

paige made a face, tossing a fry at her. “man, what are you talking about?”

aubrey leaned forward. “nothing. just, you’re saying they got history?” she cupped her lips, beginning to chuckle as if she knew paige was in trouble. maybe naomi wasn’t just an obstacle the blonde could ignore, and an actual issue if she was actually interested in liana.

alright. maybe she has some things to consider.

[windienine]

Lol. Male and female socialization, aka gender, are material realities, it doesn't matter how you felt it didn't feel, even when you narrate instances of violence due to gender non conformity you are narrating gendered socialization. You cannot be a materialist only when convenient. It doesn't matter that you feel or Don't feel white, you were still socialized as such. How intellectually dishonest. A trans-man groveling and performing the "AFAB" guilt expected from them in the community does not change reality

7/10 bait, you're not engaging with me or what i stand for in good faith, but coming to me with M/L gendercrit is a riot.

i'll say something really basic for anyone else who might feel manipulated by this train of thought:

if we take it that gender is a social construct and that social constructs are part of what dictate people's material reality, then we've also got to accept that "material reality" doesn't necessarily mean something that's set in stone by the heavens above. the gendercrit movement on this website also regularly bastardizes the phrase and uses it as a synonym for "biological reality," which also isn't as fixed as some folks might think.

even if the social standards i was held to as a child were feminine standards, that doesn't make me somehow more ontologically female than women. are you, at current, more socially defined by the career you wanted when you were 8, or the one you have now? the financial or ability strata you were in as a child, or the ones you're in now? the social standards i'm navigating right now at age 26 are male social standards, like it or not. they're also queer male social standards. it's a whole thing.

gender is real-as-ordained-by-the-gods when you engage with it as a cis person and fake-and-misguided idealism when i engage with it as a trans man? get over yourself.

and: "the community." genius here thinks there's a global trans coalition that agrees on all of its politics and terminology. yeah. hit the nail on the head. as a matter of fact, the transgender god-empress does give me another eleven seconds of headpats every time i grovel in her presence and renounce my womb and i love to do it. you're so jealous!

the false equivalence with racial politic is also a classic. go back to college and try some of these arguments there; you can clearly afford to if you have the free time to bother me.

[gynandromorph]

i phoned in a lot of this one, but... my hand hurts from thumbnailing, i just wanted it done. it's been half-done for a couple weeks now.

this is another NofNA style emulation comic, taking place 1 or 2 months after this one. I imagine that Legend has badgered PS relentlessly with study material, including jumpscaring her with flashcards, like in this strip, so it has sunk in pretty quickly. Legend is not known for her chill.

there was a lot of stuff that i could have included, but i wanted to keep this one short and to-the-point. it is a direct parallel to the facture Legend uses later in the comic with Machinations. i wanted to make the initial thesis's implicit relationship with memory more obvious. it spends most of the story trundling down a path about fiction, but it doesn't actually become fully realized until Legend reworks it to focus on memory specifically, with fiction as a motif nestled around the core, instead of being the core. more importantly, it was always at least a little bit about manipulating memory. Legend's mantle and diamond rings in the more "present day" comics were created with her only successfully telenoetic application of the style's supreme facture. this instance of telenoesis is supposed to be brought up a couple of times as evidence that there is *something in the thesis that is direly correct*. it would not have achieved telenoesis if there weren't something reflecting reality in its rhetoric. Legend just cannot figure out what is and is not the "real" parts of the thesis causing this effect. allusion, tangentially, always functions as a telenoesis, because it is always invoking memory by its very nature. it's not a wonder that Legend sees it as her most powerful facture.

she absolutely does not have the words for various forms of unconscious memory such as implicit memory. it would be like expecting an ancient greek scribe-in-training to know modern psychology intuitively. even up until the present day comic with Dr. Rations, Legend did not even know that memories could be inaccurate. it was interesting to try to figure out how she might conceptualize the fact that there are things your mind clearly acquires as memory, without being able to actually remember it consciously. i imagine that it's very instinctual to not doubt your memories; most people will consider reality itself fake before doubting their own memories or the beliefs built on top of them. relatedly, i figured PS, who has even less education than Legend, probably doesn't even have a concept of thoughts she doesn't think. it's a strange, inherently unknowable aspect of cognition.

the flower PS starts eating is a lion's tail flower (leonotis leonurus). lemurs are the largest pollinators on earth, and they consume the nectar of flowers regularly as part of their diet -- they also often consume most of the entire ass flower. the other plants i really did not bother to look into... it takes a lot of time, even with the extremely convenient inaturalist sources.

[bunji-enthusiast]

I’m so happy I’ve found a blog that does writes about 7ds because it seems the fandom died a bit😭😭

So I was wondering if you could please write something about the reader being jealous because she has the biggest crush on Escanor while he has eyes only for Merlin (her best friend).

Thanks in advance and have a nice week💙

Absolutely! Much love in return!

Sucks there aren’t anymore people or not as active for 7DS… you just gotta really look now ★

It goes without saying, everyone could tell of your not so hidden crush on the Lion Sin of Pride himself. Diane could somewhat sympathize with you, for Escanor only has eyes for Merlin, your best friend whom you share many great banters with. You tried so hard to keep a neutral facade when the two of them were in the same room together, but his obvious romanticism towards Merlin made it difficult. Only in your dreams could Escanor actually see you, not just you, but really you.

Sometimes you wondered if you had ever missed your chance with the prideful sin, alas, despite your jealousy you were content with only being friends with him if there was no chance of furthering your bonds with him. There were times it was far too much for you to handle, excusing yourself from the room and even just disappearing for long periods of time.

Escanor's poems were sincernely good, you envied Merlin because of him. His wonderful words, his protectiveness over the mage, that was all something you were far so jealous of. Sure, he cared about you as he would for the rest of the sins - but it would surely never be in the way you were hopelessly dreaming about.

Maybe one day, or even in another life would the two of you only ever be a reality.

Escanor often spares you glances of worry, noting your change in behavior at times and even asking Merlin why your behavior was strange, since he knew that you and Merlin were best friends. Merlin had only told him to let you have some private time, everyone and the sins need some privacy from time to time after all, it is quite normal. Escanor relents in agreement, but he still can't help but worry why you were behaving so differently when he is around with you and Merlin.

There wasn't anything he could think of that could help him come up with a plausible answer, Escanor is left wondering for the longevity in the time he's come to know you. He really cares about you greatly, you are a precious and dear friend of his after all.

The tension somewhat thickens as time passes, but you pay it no mind, even with your suppressed jealousy of Escanor and Merlin. You just wished it could all stop, even for a little while. How odd it is to have feelings, you think. The other sins at times could tell, even Merlin herself, that you are radiating with jealousy that Escanor only sees Merlin (otherwise romantically).

The atmosphere was thick with slight tension, there but unnoticeable if you aren't really bothering to notice it. You sat at the bar with a grievous sigh, body worn out from the constant gathering to stock up on materials amongst other things. A rather familiar hum pulls you out of your thoughts.

"You and Escanor?" The owner of the voice says, "How mysterious."

You looked up, turning your head to see who had said such an obvious thing. "Merlin?" You asked, almost dumbly blinking at the mage. No wonder she'd notice though, to someone like her romantic endeavors are rather time-consuming and get in the way of her strange experiments.

Merlin smiles, offered only just for you. You scoff with a smirk, closing your eyes as you propped your chin up against the indent of your palm. "Yeah, he's great and all..." You groaned, almost trembling with anger at his indifference toward you when it came to both you and Merlin. "But he seriously needs to get more than his eyes checked."

The mage took a few steps towards your spot, taking the empty chair next to you. "Have you considered that he is worried about you, my love?"

'My love', she only ever says that when she really is worried about her own best friend. Some would say that term of endearment is meant to be used romantically, but it can be used as other ways to address someone you care about. Merlin in this case showcases such an example, but you wonder why she's going through such the lengths for something she would consider bothersome to her time.

Maybe she wasn't busy, perhaps.

You looked at her directly, carefully considering your next words and her own. You nodded your head, "No, not really I guess." She nods in return, as if those words alone had her in consideration of the thoughts running rampant in her head.

Merlin teleports an item into her hand, a bottle of Vanya Ale. At most, she wasn't an alcoholic, but she liked to indulge in the liquids from time to time. She liked to humor herself in such thoughts with some much needed liquid, she was more preferable to wine from time to time. But she wasn't against the times where she had ale as well. "Would you like some?"

She offers a glass to you, pouring the famous red liquid followed by a 'slosh'. Merlin holds it up for you to other reject or accept the Vanya Ale. "You are awfully mysterious yourself sometimes Merlin." You mention, taking the glass of Vanya Ale from her offering hand. She only merely smiles once more, then relaxed her position in the wooden but cushioned chair. For a few moments, silence ensues, Merlin hasn't said anything and neither have you to break the silence in question.

You weren't really sure if you wanted to be confronted about your crush on Escanor, sure, you wouldn't mind talking about him in particular. But of your crush on him?

Hell no.

No way.

Especially not with Merlin.

You could only hope she would merely imply it with her words, as she usually has a cryptic way of speaking about things sometimes. You could hope that is only the way she would go about this, otherwise, you would feel shut down and simply just hide away. These kinds of things were sincerely not things you were good at anyway, maybe just maybe you'd be spared this talk.

"You have feelings for him no?" She says finally, and you wince. Your head falling face first onto the countertop wooden table, the question was finally brought up and you had no idea how to answer it.

Only mumbling - you replied with a muffled groan escaping your throat, "Yes." Merlin closes her eyes with a huff as she heard your answer, she could only smile with an ounce of sympathy as she patted your back to reassure you silently.

"Give him time, you two could realize it quicker then you think."

[chernayawidow]

DATING ADA WONG HEADCANNONS — SFW

PAIRING: Ada Wong x GN!Reader

A/N: I’ve probably done a terrible job of characterising Ada, but she’s just so hot and cool (and there’s like no material on her) that I had to do something for her. Let me know if you’re interested in me doing more for her!

Being in a relationship with Ada Wong is by no means an easy feat. This woman is an enigma, and a relationship with her is no different.

The most you could get out of her is potentially an on-and-off type of deal. But if you’re willing to put in the work, then you’ll just have to cope with occasional long distance.

Her love language is along the lines of acts of service. Maybe not in the traditional sense of 'doing the laundry for you', but as we see in her interactions with Leon, she swoops in to save and assist him very often. It's her own kind of affection—it's how we know she cares. So naturally, that would carry across to you.

She has the ability to make you feel like the only person in the world. This is because when Ada does something for you, it’s not out of the kindness of her heart. This woman is a a spy who has and will work for very bad people. So anything that she says, gives or does, is because she wants to—because she cares.

At first, her intense eyes and sultry voice were an intimidating factor about her. But they eventually became some of her most comforting traits.

Ada doesn't use many pet names for you because a good majority of them make her cringe.

However, in an ironic way, she'll address you as 'Sweetheart', 'Kitten', or 'Lover'. In spite of her saying these names out of wry, her voice makes them sound cute. (Referring to VA’s; Sally Cahill, Jolene Anderson, Courtenay Taylor)

If you’re normal—as in you’re not a spy or an agent of any sort—then it’ll essentially be a "living a double life" scenario.

Ada was upfront with you from the beginning about how “busy” her schedule would be. She simply told you that she moves around for work, that the company she works for has strict confidentiality rules, and that thats all you need to know.

While it stings you to know that there's a whole portion of her life that you're absent from, you couldn’t fault her for something she was upfront about.

Getting Ada to open up to you will take time, that’s just a no brainer. As a spy, it goes against her very instincts. So when you first started seeing her, lots of what she told you about herself was fabrication woven with hints of truth.

Ada is the type of person who makes you feel as if she’s opening up to you, when in reality, questions about her background are met with vague responses.

Yet she speaks so charismatically that it makes you believe that she’s sharing more then what she really is.

She’s blunt and outspoken, so if you’re acting jealous then she’ll call you out on it immediately.

While on the jealousy topic, Ada doesn’t really get hit with these feelings. She’s confident in herself and your relationship, which clears up any potential insecurity that could give way to try one feelings. She trusts you enough to believe you wouldn’t do anything like that.

That’s not to say that she’s immune to jealousy, because there are definitely times where she can’t help but feel it swell in her gut.

And if you’re wanting to spice things up in your NSFW life with the presence of others, then she’s happy to discuss it. (Let me know if you want headcannons dedicated to NSFW)

She’s not someone who runs from arguments or conflict, she faces it head on. If there’s any tension in your relationship, you best believe she’ll address it.

If you’re being cold and distant, she’ll force you to sit down and talk to her about what’s bothering you. And when I say force, I mean by any means necessary.

Ada is very protective over you. So if she finds out that somebody’s hurt you? Then she will find out who it was, and she will eliminate them—as well as whoever else she needs to—in order to bring her own brand of justice. Zero fucks given.

If your relationship stands the test of time, there will be a point where she realises that may end up being a permanent fixture in her relatively unstable life.

This will potentially lead to Ada coming clean about who she really is and opening up to you. A very big step for her. One that only comes if you’re in a serious enough relationship.

[taranida]

Schrödinger's Cabin or Who wrote the eruption

Continuing on answering the points I left out in the theory about what really happened in the 70s. Yet another long read.

the Bird Leg Cabin and the Diver’s Isle, that might or might not been retroactively removed by the eruption under the Cauldron Lake.

The question that bothered me with all this eruption: what did the cabin and isle do to deserve such treatment? Thomas was knowledgeable enough to understand, that it’s the lake that brought the nightmare, not the isle or the cabin, why take them down as well? The isle, even after he “wrote himself out of reality” still bears the name it got from his hobby, not like if it would stay where it was, anything would change. And not like there are no other places on the Cauldron Lake’s shores; the Cauldron Lake Lodge is one of them, but there are also the rental cabins. Removing the isle and cabin had only grim consequences: 32 miners died as a result of flooding and seismic activity. I doubt that Thomas didn’t know how close the mines and the lake are; and I’d love to believe he’s not the type of a person who will be a-okay with mass murdering people. What we hear of him throughout the game is that he was considerate and caring enough to leave shoeboxes and charge Cynthia with helping whomever will be the next victim of the Dark Presence. The situation, when he made a decision, was dire, of course, he could not think about all the links between eruptions, earthquakes and mines, but Thomas knew one thing for sure: the Dark Presence will twist everything to its evil needs. Better write nothing, then hope your work will not be used to cause harm. Also, in every source that gives us information on 18th July 1970 we have nothing about the eruption:

This House of Dreams: “And he took his girlfriend for one last dive. Together they sank down into the depths, far deeper than he had ever dived before.”

The Poet and The Muse: “And vowed them both to silence deep beneath the lake”

Manuscript page: “He put on the suit, untied the monster from the chair. The thing in his arms thrashed weakly, but he held fast. He stepped outside, off the pier, and into the dark water, a sinking pinprick of light, descending toward a bottom that never came.”

Cynthia Weaver: “He tried to undo it, wrote himself, her, everything he’d ever written out of the world.”

I don’t believe Thomas was the one to write the eruption. But we have one person, who could do it, was in a proper state of mind to not care about chain reactions and would love to solve the problem the easiest way.

As we hear in the Alice’s call with Heartman, Alan’s way to solve the problem is to pretend it doesn’t exist:

How to solve Alice’s death? Write the very place she drowned at out of existence. If there was no cabin, if there was no pier, there would be no way for her to drown, right?

Well, sort of.

This theory has a couple of evidence to support it: the radio and the coffee thermos that we can find in the cabin.

In the guide we even know the people who placed the radio there, and how the signal is not so good because of the caldera rim.

And here’s one of the beloved thermoses with a little note of someone in-universe.

They, of course, could be taken with a grain of salt. We do not know when Sam and David lived (or I might’ve missed them somewhere in games or other materials; there are hints that they are active KBF-FM engineers in 2010), yet it’s doubtful that the radios they left in various places were exactly there for 40 years, tuned to KBF-FM and look just as every other radio in 2010. The thermos… well, sadly the person, collecting them, meets a grim fate, probably being stuck in the Dark Place. Yet, the items are there, and the first time the eruption is mentioned is after Alan escapes from the Dark Presence. Let’s not forget also how he escapes: he just walks the bridge and gets into the car as if he was not in the Dark Place this whole time, there is no transition between worlds. And the moment he starts the car, the cabin just dissipates in a black smoke: is it the writing starting to shape reality?

There is a peculiar manuscript, that might hint on the cabin still existing at the time Alan and Alice arrived:

It’s talking about Cauldron Lake, surely; this is the place of power for the Dark Presence, we know this for a fact. So why would the weak and at the time hurt by this trip to the dinner Dark Presence even consider an effort of conjuring the Bird Leg Cabin? How would it even muster this trick with no art involved, with no artist to feed on? Unless the cabin was there at the time.

After all, the entire isle and the cabin are in tip-top shape. In the first game we see the Dark Presence launch multiple objects out from the lake, but all of them keep the damage, look old and rusty.

On the isle, however, even the vegetation is green and alive. And as far as I know the Dark Presence is not a good gardener: in Control the very presence of The Third Thing (formerly known as that arsehole Emil Hartman) was killing the plants, that we had to save with light. In the second game the manuscripts that were washed ashore even leave a dark goo on their place.

The cabin and the isle show no signs of Dark Presence’s touch.

Were there other options? For sure!

Here! Cabins for rent near Cauldron Lake. This is so much easier to pull off: take the key of one of them, make instructions how to get there and give them to the writer. No need to do the impossible and raise an entire isle in the middle of the lake.

Yet, instead, we have the Bird Leg Cabin on the Diver’s Isle, apparently collected from the bits and pieces they should’ve turned into in the eruption, with rejuvenated vegetation and no sign of any damage; all created by the Dark Presence so weak, it’s “not real enough to properly exist”:

That is… if this wasn’t the first loop Alan went through. As Tom the Filmmaker said in the second game:

Remember, the Dark Place works in loops and rituals. If the waves keep pushing you away, you just need to find another way in.

Or out — in this case.

But I will leave the loops of the first game for another time.

For now I also suggest to think about this little thing:

Time is a story, after all.

[talenlee]

Can a Bird Love A Falcon

Since last year’s Locked Tomb readings got me nostalgic and retrospective, it was only a matter of time before I retreated back to earliest media of my post-cult life, the stuff that stands tall in my mind as some of my first lessons in how to be normal. So I picked the thing with a bunch of PTSD and existential horror.

Let’s talk about the Rachel/Tobias ship.

Spoiler Warning: If you’re ever planning on reading the Animorphs story, this article is going to spoil some events that happen in the last half of it. And since this is about Animorphs I guess Content Warning for war death trauma body integrity horror uh mind control uh cannibalism uh what’s the term for beating someone to death with one of your own severed limbs, that.

That.

Animorphs is a lot.

There’s not a lot of romantic material in Animorphs, but it’s there. It’s almost expertly defined in negative space – the way that actual teenagers consider and tease at the idea of boyfriend-girlfriend-joyfriend stuff without saying it, without any of it being explicit. Like nobody sits down and makes a list of reasons to want to date someone, it’s often just about emotional reactions to momentary stimuli, things that imprint on the brain and are being tested out bit by bit. It’s hard to grapple with for me to get in the right mind space, but remembering the Animorphs characters are, like, fourteen and not Anime-Fourteen but fourteen fourteen is pretty big in explaining how and why they react to things.

In that space, though, there’s the sorta-maybe-hey-thinking-about-it-do-they-kiss romance of Rachel and Tobias. Rachel is a girl repeatedly described as being hot, by her cousin, a tall, blonde girl who also is hiding the instincts of a violent warrior, a girl thrown into a war and commanded to be an adult, and she actually takes to it well. Like, in a different framing device, Rachel is the antagonist of a teen serial killer story. Tobias, by contrast, is what you might these days consider something of a droopy sadboy – floppy hair, skinny, no friends, unappreciated, bounced between abusive carers that aren’t properly parents, and then at the end of the very first story he turns into a hawk, never* to turn back again.

Oh and he’s also secretly an alien prince, but don’t worry, nobody ever tells him that.

It’s not even like it’s a complicated ship, in a lot of ways. As a loser of a boy, it was really just the shape of the most standard fantasy possible: What if there was the hottest girl in the world, who for reasons beyond both your control, had reason to hang out with you, become emotionally invested in you, and then from there, ha ha, you got ’em! You’re basically married at that point as long as no circumstances change the status quo where you get to hang around her regularly!

And then, thanks to you trying too hard and being too awesome, you have to leave your old life behind, embracing a new life, a new reality where none of your responsibilities persisted, your bad family were gone, and you have a reason to be socially connected with four extremely cool people who were probably not really your friends to start with. Oh and one of them is really hot and can kill everyone who bothers you. I mean beats up everyone. I mean she can protect you with her big, strong arms that are also fuzzy because she is a bear, and when she’s not a bear she’s basically Genius Barbie.

From her perspective, she can pick who she likes but instead of a boy who has Conventional Interests and connects to her life, she gets a boyfriend who is a secret. Also, he’s paradoxically, dangerous and very safe; they’re not sexually compatible in terms of their bodies, it’s very hard to argue that Tobias is interested in her because of her body and how their bodies relate. As a romantic partner, Tobias has to be interested in her for herself. At the same time, he’s a goddamn hawk, and hawks are really cool and badass and scary, and she can have him cruising around on her shoulder like she’s a pirate.

I obviously liked this ship as a kid because both of the halves were hot. It wasn’t just that Rachel was gorgeous but also that Tobias looked really good for kissing, and that meant they’d both have a fun time kissing, right? Obviously? This is a very straight way to consider ships, especially ships where I both wanted to be and kiss Tobias. Because again, he was hot. Right?

The canon of Animorphs actually deep-sixes the ship, early and late. There’s a middle period where the ship can happen, but there’s an after and a before, and the before is ‘when Tobias and Rachel barely know each other.’ They do eventually get a chance to do more conventional ship stuff – like holding hands and kissing – but that’s See, and I know you might not remember this: Rachel dies. Her last book is her relating her story, in her dying moments, to a god-figure, and there we get one of the enduring quotes of the series:

“You were brave, you were strong, you were good. You mattered.”

And before that quote, Rachel, reflecting on that moment, says that Tobias would not have let her get into the position where she was dying. He wouldn’t, because he loved her. And that’s some nice ship material but it would be nicer if it wasn’t happening as a character is dying.

Now you might think, hang on, this is a het ship. That’s not what I normally talk about around here! And you might be surprised, but consider this. This is a woman, and the lover who she cannot touch, who she cannot embrace, because there is a wrongness to it. The body of that lover does not properly align with their identity. The girl is positioned forever stand at a love that expresses itself through mostly, not expressing itself.

An eagle and a girl, is that not, itself, yuri?

Okay, I know it’s not. Personally, I have very little patience for ‘ah, two unrelated things is yuri’ jokes because it’s a wheelie everyone pops but also because, like, yeah, maybe it’s great to capture all the metaphorical ways we’ve suppressed women’s relatoinships but also maybe you could have them like hold hands and say they’re interested in one another. Like, that’s an option. Imagine if more yuri felt they could do that, even. What a world.

But anyway, thing is, Tobias, as a character, is a figure Important To The 90s Trans community, along with other such icons as Bugs Bunny and Ranma Saotome. There’s a fairly common thread through Tobias’ narrated books where he reflects on a determined tragedy (who he has been told he has to be) and the freedom of change (as being able to freely choose an identity and presentation through morphing). Applegate has been pretty clear that whatever vision of the characters’ sexuality and gender relationships work for you are effectively canon – they’re characters shared through the experience of reading and all that.

I’m not saying every nonbinary or trans kid from the 90s will respond to ‘Thermals’ and ‘Cinnabunzzzzz’ but a bunch will and it’s a trend worth noting.

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

[dominimoonbeam]

Don't Run 17

This work is mine and I do not give consent for my works to be used, copied, published, or posted without my permission. I am sharing chapters as I work on this story but it is copyrighted material that I plan to rework and publish when completed.

you can find the series from the start over on patreon.

story tags: mobsters, romance, explicit sex, explicit language, learning to trust, dark themes, bad childhood, arranged marriage, reference to past murder, kidnapping, danger, violence, guns

DON’T RUN - CHAPTER SEVENTEEN.

After some talk, with their clothes back on, Ezra suggested they go to her place. Of course, her place was really Adi’s place…

“Not that I don’t like seeing you in my clothes… but at some point, we do need to get you back,” Ezra tried again when she hesitated to answer.

Freya nodded. He was right. She couldn’t escape her life and hide out in this place, no matter how much she wanted to. “Yeah.”

Ezra sighed but she couldn’t tell if it was relief or worry. He tucked some hair behind her ear. It was familiar and soft in a way she wasn’t used to but was growing comfortable with too fast. Yeah, she needed to get out of there. Staying longer would just make reality harder.

She stood, hiding the move for distance with a stretch only to wince at the starbursts of pain that shot through her body. She was sore all over. “Go get dressed. I’m going to find the leftover pizza…”

Ezra watched her, those eyes seeming to see too much, but he nodded and got up.

Freya rolled her shoulders, one aching but she couldn’t remember why. Her feet felt swollen, the muscles in her legs so tight that she hobbled to the kitchen. When she was finally out of his line of sight, finally alone, she leaned against the wall beside the refrigerator and sighed. It had been a whirlwind of a day, yesterday, and this morning… This morning she’d fucked her husband’s boyfriend.

Well, no one had ever accused her of making good choices.

To be fair, Freya wasn’t sure she’d been given a lot of choices… But Ezra was definitely one of them. And now what? She goes back to the tower, chin up, and pretends nothing happened? What else was there to do?

She couldn’t let him distract her. She had to get out of this place and away from her life. The last thing she needed was to be dragged into a romantic triangle with her fucking husband.

Rolling her eyes, she pulled the fridge open to hunt for the leftovers.

Where Adi’s fridge had been stocked with bottled water and meal-replacing smoothies, Ezra’s was half the size and four times as full. The crisper was packed with fruits and veggies. Cartons and jars pressed in for space on the shelves. She hadn’t realized she hadn’t seen a normal kitchen in a while until she stood in front of that assortment of ingredients. The leftover pizza slices were in a ziplock bag. She pulled them out and didn’t bother heating them in the microwave. She ate cold pizza off the counter like it might be her last meal.

Considering her life, it was possible.

She hadn’t told Vizzini anything, but would the Ellises believe her?

Would her own family?

She ate another slice, not sure if she’d find herself in the bay again today.

-

It was hard not to follow her when he could tell she was pulling away, but that was exactly why he couldn’t.

He picked up his phone off the counter and headed down the hall to his bedroom, gently closing the door behind him.

He changed into a pair of jeans and pulled a clean shirt on before hitting the call button.

Adi answered after one ring and Ezra smiled. “Were you up all night worrying?”

“Shut up,” Adi groused, the sound of his espresso machine in the background.

“I’m bringing her home,” he said, jumping to the point.

“I suppose it would look strange if she lived with you,” Adi agreed, voice dark with sarcasm.

“Can you send someone to give us a lift? I know it’s not a long walk but she doesn’t have shoes—”

“Yeah. I’m coming,” he said, the sound of the promise of caffeine replaced by the snap of a door. “Did you find out what happened?”

Ezra sighed, dragging fingers over the back of his head and looking at the shut door. “Someone was trying to kick off a war between you and the Morgans. It wasn’t a ransom.”

The silence was heavy, the hum and ding of the elevator in the background. Ezra knew Adi wasn’t sure how to feel about his arranged marriage, or how to even begin to trust a Morgan, but he also wouldn’t be okay with anyone trying to hurt let alone kill someone close to him. “How did she get away?”

Ezra smiled. Freya had told what amounted to a great story like they were just bullet points on a sheet. “She got a knife on the guy and used him as a human shield. She then jumped into the bay and swam for it.” Freya was definitely living up to her name… whether it was Morgan or Ellis.

Adi exhaled on the other end and Ezra heard the tangled knot of amusement and outrage there. A car door closed and an engine rumbled.

“We slept together.”

The engine idled. Ezra could imagine Adi trying to decide what he meant.

“We fucked.” He wasn’t sure how Adi would react. She had just been through a traumatic event, and she was his wife, but more importantly, she was a Morgan. Ezra wasn’t even sure himself if he’d crossed a line, although, to be fair, Adi had asked him to seduce his wife just the other week…

The car hummed as it drove. “So, does that mean you’ll finally move into the penthouse?”

Ezra laughed, clapping a hand over his mouth to try to stifle it.

“She’s okay?” Adi asked, voice a little lighter but the worry coming through now.

“Physically? She’s bruised but she’s okay.”

“And otherwise?”

Ezra’s heart sank as he stared at the door to the hallway. “I don’t think this was her worst day.” And that wasn’t a good thing. This should have been anyone’s worse day, but she’d told the story with a shrug. She’d cried at least, but she’d seemed way too worried about him believing she hadn’t given away any information and not enough about how she’d almost died.

“I’ll be out front.”

Ezra nodded and hung up. He grabbed a denim jacket and pocketed his phone, heading out to find her waiting by the front door, cold pizza in hand. She leaned against the wall, making it look like a lazy stance to hide the soreness of her body. He came to stand beside her, pulling his boots on.

When he opened his mouth, she fed him a bite of pizza. “Why is it better cold?”

She shrugged and finished it.

[misscammiedawn]

Thank goodness I'm not the only one who genuinely loves Matrix Resurrections. I feel like the Wachowskis get a lot of flack for lacking subtlety, which is frustrating when those same people miss the point of what they were trying to convey in the first place.

And yes, Jonathan Groff absolutely understood the assignment.

CW: discussion of suicide

Ignoring the fact that Sleepyhead and I codified our relationship while watching it at least 4 times together in a single week (one while making out the entire time) a few weeks before the Orange Kit-Kat story, I legitimately have respect for the art at play.

Warner Bros are a company who seem to believe "a sequel made is cash in the bank" and have an embarrassing number of times allowed cynical productions to fly without really bothering to supervise the final product. Certainly Animaniacs making fun of WB as a company is a par for the course but Gremlins 2 and Space Jam 2 are both examples of scripts made with disdain for the fact they had to be made and actively placing a middle finger up at Warners for making it happen. Gremlins 2 being the better and more famous of the pair as Dante's been outspoken about the process of getting it made.

It's odd this company's executive decisions allow this history to continue repeating.

But although the board room scene with "our beloved parent company" making the next Matrix with or without the creator was a similar dig the true subject of the film's ire is of course... reality. Not the layers of reality within the movie of course. The reality where Red Pill was taken from being an overt reference to estrogen to a symbol held up by the very people who wish us trans people erased.

Can you even imagine how pissed off a person would be to have their (commercially successful) magnum opus, the expression of all that is in their soul co-opted by the very group it is out to decry? I can't. I have thought on it often.

Anyone who says they dislike Resurrections hasn't interacted with the idea of living as the woman from this meme tweet (wrong sister but they have a shared experience here)

I think it's easy to tell this "bullet time" system is pretty much the red pill. Get people angry, worked up, too caught up in a decaying society to even think about the ability to undo the capitalist structure that bleeds them dry.

This movie had a thesis and it was spurred from a deeply personal place of grief at the world the sisters tried to speak to...

And yet...

Made a movie of love and growth anyway?

Because they know that many, if not most, saw the message from the first films and understood. This movie is and will always be for them. It includes a middle finger or two but it is not itself a middle finger. It rejects some things which would reward those who refuse to engage with the material and then a glutton of messages to appeal to those who know and care.

The story makes implicit themes explicit with Trinity's role in the film and Neo literally trapped in another form which others who can see beyond the binary system of The Matrix can see through.

The story of Lana's suicide attempt being stopped by an elder queer at a train station is one that she clearly holds close to her heart. It was adapted in the first films and in Resurrections we see it from another angle. Neo, trapped in the programmers form, tries to jump off of a roof and Bugs sees through to Keanu!Neo. In a way showing younger queer people seeing Lilly and Lana's original material and finding their way out of the system, because art, representation and hope are all powerful enough to set people free.

The human cities coexist with machine life now, programs are not just being harbored as they were in the original trilogy they are being released too. Zion isn't just for the disenfranchised now, members of the oppressive culture are welcomed to be part of the world outside of the systems of control, capitalism or your metaphor here.

The movie screams hope and beauty and celebrates its queer nature, particularly its transness. It is SO full of love.

And I cannot understand anyone looking at a deep and rich piece of art with a lifetime of introspection and dislike it because the action scenes aren't as good as John Wick.

But that's just me, I suppose.

Glad y'all enjoy it too.

[dwellington]

while the rage still burns in my heart:

complaints about cory doc*orow's walkaway i thought might not land at my mostly retiree book club. readmore for spoilers, though i don't think you should read this book.

no clue if mistew doctowow namesearches but i do know he's on here.

walkaway is a novel of near-future speculative fiction about a post-scarcity dystopia, stop me if you've heard this one before, focusing on a group of people who have "walked away" from the technologically accelerated rat race and gone into the untamed wilds to make some other, better, mostly anarchist kinds of societies. we spend about a decade watching these people deal with the long arm of the old world, as well as leftist infighting. in typical Contemporary Science Fiction Guy fashion, it's a book that's very interested in technology and politics and not really at all interested in other things, like culture, or character, or plot.

the lack of interest in culture is what i'd really like to get at here. the most obvious example of this is the slang: there is no way on god's green earth anyone, especially young people, will still be using the word "pwn" in 2070, and yet it's somehow part of everyday vocabulary in this book. this guy has the audacity to make a joke about how "shit just got real" is a "phrase from a historical drama" while using hacker lingo that was out of date when i was reading little brother as a middle schooler.

cory also seems to have picked up the "refer to an abstract person as 'she'" thing i tend to mainly associate with rulebooks for tabletop games, which is not objectionable in and of itself, but it's used so consistently throughout the that the primary antagonist does it at one point. this is a man who plot-critically kidnaps and imprisons his daughter, but he's still doing the polite anti-andronormativity tic. there's an argument to be made that this is a veiled critique of the empty gesture towards inclusion, but i believe that you have to make a critique to veil it, and i don't think this does that.

most personally galling is tam, the only onscreen trans character in the book. i don't really have a problem with her characterization, and there's a healthy amount of queerness in this book, but for a story so fundamentally concerned with the political and material realities of a post-scarcity anarchist society, very little thought is put towards what being transgender would actually be like. the only time tam's gender is really relevant is when other characters are being kind of sexually weird about her. there's a recurring bit about her being really uncomfortable in the community bathhouse, and multiple inner monologues from perspective characters about her body: one of them is vaguely uncomfortable about her, while the other treats her as the fulfillment of a teenage sexual fantasy. it sucks! it feels like such a lazy, box-ticking waste of an opportunity.

there are plenty of other problems with this book--the pacing is monotonous, the sex scenes are terrible, the dialogue feels like a forum debate--but this is what really bothered me, just what felt like total inattention to the details of the world outside what served the gratingly didactic central argument. show me your critical worldbuilding! show me your smart characterization!! get me bought in mother fucker!!! or else!!!!

[celestiall0tus]

Long Road - Chapter 14 - Long Road

Beginning || Previous

            Gimmi materialized on Marinette’s chaise. She let out a long sigh of frustration as she buried her face in the cushion. She lifted her head as she looked around at the windows and mirror in the room. She frowned and snapped her fingers, creating curtains to cover the windows and a covering for the mirror. She sighed again and put her head down as a light flashed.

            “There you are. I had a feeling you would be here,” Vana said.

            Gimmi furrowed her brows as she looked up at Vana on the chaise with her. “What are you doing here?”

            “Well, I think it’s pretty obvious, don’t you?”

            Gimmi groaned and faceplanted again. “I don’t want to talk about it. You wouldn’t understand.”

            Vana smirked. “Oh, I’d like to imagine that I would.”

            Gimmi deadpanned and kicked Vana off the chaise.

            “Ow! Rude!” Vana yelled.

            “Yeah, well, reality is rude. Get used to it.”

            Vana snorted. “And one of the many things that makes you very different from Velze.”

            Gimmi growled and pushed herself up. “I don’t want to talk about this, Vana.”

            “You can’t stay locked up in your own head over it either.”

            “I’m not. I just don’t want to be around the endless reminders like you, Longg, Kaalki, and all the other kwamis.”

            Vana looked around the room. “I imagine that’s why you have the windows and mirror covered because I know those weren’t there before. I can feel you from them.”

            “And what does it matter?”

            “I’m just saying this also isn’t helping you. It still counts as closing yourself off and hiding away from reality.”

            Gimmi fumed. “How dare you. I am not hiding from the fact that is ever present. I am not running away from the truth laid bare. I know the reality of what I am, but that doesn’t mean I want to always see it.”

            “And just what would that truth be?”

            “Nice try, but I’m not falling for your games. Besides, if you have such an active imagination, why don’t you figure it out on your own.”

            “Well, that could be any number of things, but they would all be wrong as I cannot fathom your reality. That is just my nature.”

            “Then stop wasting both our time and get out of here.”

            Vana hummed. “No, I don’t think I will. And you can’t command me to leave either.”

            “Ugh! What do you really want?”

            “Nothing. Just bored. And you looked like you were upset, so I came to see you.”

            “Go bother your holder then.”

            “He’s on a little date with Tikki’s holder, and I care for the boys, but there’s only so much mushy, lovey dovey nonsense I can handle before I lose my mind.”

            “Then go bother literally anyone else.”

            “And why would I want to when I could be here with you.”

            “Just because we are pairs doesn’t mean you have to bother yourself with me.”

            “No, but it also doesn’t mean we need to be alone either. We are the grandest of pairs. The ones that put even creation and destruction to shame. Together, we are the true embodiments of what Velze valued most. Well, I am, you’re just the shell to give reality a home. But I’m glad you are.”

            “Oh please. I’m sure you’ll miss the days when you didn’t have someone to cancel you out or keep you in check.”

            “Maybe, but it’s incredibly lonely without one. I never understood how everyone could take their pairs for granted. Well, most of them. Especially when all I wanted was a reality to my imagination. All I wanted was someone to understand like Velze did. Someone who was the closest to him like I was. Now I have what I always wished for.”

            “That’s cheesy, Vana. You sure you’re no better than your holder and the other?”

            Vana laughed. “Ok, maybe I’m no better, but my point still stands. You’re not alone, Gimmi. You do have someone who understands. More than you may realize. So?”

            Gimmi considered, then sighed. “Fine. I’ve been staying here in this room because I don’t want to see my reflection. Whenever I see myself, I see him. And, yes, I know we’re all a part of him with myself the closest because I’m his shell, but it’s just difficult.”

            “How so?”

            “I know I am Gimmi, kwami of reality, shell of Velze. I am the remnants of him that now has a place to be instead of lost to the void. I know I am not him, just that I have pieces of him, but it’s those pieces that mess with me. I remember things that are not my own, feel that isn’t mine, and a reflection that doesn’t belong to me. I know who I am, but it clashes with another reality. And no matter how I try, when I hear myself called Velze and see his reflection in mine, I feel myself losing that reality that I am Gimmi to the reality that I am Velze. And I just… I don’t know what to do.”

            “That is… a lot. But in all fairness, you said it yourself, you are Velze, but also not. Is there no way to accept a reality where you are both?”

            “Is that even possible when these two sides are ever conflicting?”

            “I think so. You just need to stop hiding from the realities.”

            “How?”

            Vana stood and held out his hand. “Let’s try something.”

            Gimmi hesitated before she took Vana’s hand. He led her to the mirror and touched the cloth that covered the mirror. It disappeared at his touch as he placed her in front of the mirror. She flinched as her reflection changed. Her skin turned white, her sclarea black, irises a faded white, and her hair a prismatic mane.

            “Vana, I don’t think-.”

            Vana stepped into the mirror’s reflection. Gimmi’s eyes widened as his reflection changed and mirrored Velze’s just as her own did.

            “What do you see?”

            “You’re just like me. Wait, can you not see it?”

            “Not at all. All I see is you and I as we are. No Velze, just us.”

            Gimmi blinked and looked back at their reflections that were like Velze. “Maybe… maybe it is possible to accept both. It’s just… it’s going to be difficult.”

            “Well, far as I’m aware, nothing about reality is. If you’re anything to go off that is.”

            Gimmi deadpanned and jagged her elbow in Vana’s side. “You’re not funny.”

            “You’re right. I’m hilarious.”

            “Out. Now.”

            “Aww, but can’t I stay?”

            Gimmi sighed. “Fine, but another of that and you leave.”

            “Alright. I promise to be on my best behavior.”

            “Yeah, sure. We’ll see how long that lasts for.”

~~

            Marinette returned home and headed up to her room. She paused when she saw Gimmi and Vana asleep on her chaise with Vana snuggled up to Gimmi. She smiled and moved to grab a blanket when Gimmi opened her eyes.

            “Oh. Sorry. Did I wake you?” Marinette asked.

            “No. I don’t sleep, out of choice. Well, not always.”

            “What about Vana?”

            “I imagine he is. I know he loves to dream, as much as Aislinn does. It allows him a chance to explore a fantasy world of sorts.”

            “What about you?”

            “I don’t dream like they do or even mortals. When I dream, I cross reality and peer into the many facets of it. Sometimes even beyond if I dare to look that far. But it is not like the rest of you.”

            “I… never knew that.”

            “I wouldn’t expect you to. Anyway, how was your date? Was it good like the few others?”

            “Yeah. Well, I think? The movie was kinda boring and I ended up falling asleep. I just remember the beginning, then Luka waking me up when the movie was over. Afterwards, we got some of that sweetheart ice cream from Andre’s ice cream stall, then he walked me home.”

            Gimmi smiled. “Sounds like a good date then.”

            Marinette smiled and leaned against Gimmi. “It was. Y’know, it’s kinda nice to have these. I never could as Ladybug, but now is different.”

            “No Ladybug, but you still have school.”

            “I know, but that’s easier. Especially not being Ladybug. I never realized before how much that consumed my life. I never had the time to really do what I wanted and just forced people into things just to make it more convenient for myself. It just… it really puts things in perspective.”

            “I get that. Gives you a whole new point of view.”

            “It does, and I do have you to thank. Everything would still be like it was before Velze and you. Everything is very different now. Not all of it is good, but not all of it is bad either. A lot of it isn’t bad if I’m honest.”

            “That’s good to hear, but this is still the beginning of everything. We only got through the summer into the dying season. We’ve no idea still what will come after the death season and when everything comes back from seed.”

            “I know, but can’t we at least enjoy these little moments until then? Maybe build relationships and possibly share things with each other? No secrets?”

            Gimmi sighed. “I will grant you that so long as you give me just one more night to reflect on the reality of my situation. Will you allow me this?”

            “Of course. I just… I don’t want to push, but I don’t want to be left out. You know?”

            “I do now, and I’m sorry. It was just difficult to understand, but I had some help.”

            “Well, I’m glad everything is good now, and I hope that things get better for you. For both of us.”

            “We’ve got a long road ahead of us still, but I do hope that it does get better.”

            “Hey, I’ll be up a little longer. Would you like to watch a movie downstairs?”

            “Sure. It’s better than sitting here.”

            “What about Vana?”

            “He’ll be fine. Let him rest.”

            “You sure?”

            “Yeah. That way he doesn’t beg to join us. He’s quite the annoying, whiny brat.”

            Marinette chuckled. “Shall we then?”

            “Let’s.”

Patreon || Discord || Ko-Fi

[animebw]

Re: oshi no ko fans,

What'd they do?

Yeah, I guess I should probably give some context to that statement.

So, for those not keeping up with Oshi no Ko, last week's episode featured a plotline where a character on a reality dating show is swarmed with cyberbullying after a minor dust-up, and it escalates so badly that she tries to commit suicide. It's a brutally effective episode that really captures the horror of online abuse, the almost addictive masochism of scrolling through comment after comment calling for your death and dragging your name through the mud. It's easily the best Oshi no Ko has been, and I will stand by that opinion despite how messy things are going to get in the rest of this post.

See, this plotline doesn't just a wholly fictional exploration of online abuse; it has a very direct real life inspiration. Shortly after the manga started publishing, Japanese wrestler Hana Kimura committed suicide following a chain of events very much like this. She was on a reality show, she had a minor altercation with a fellow contender, and she was bombarded with online abuse until she took her own life. It's likely Akasaka already had the general idea for this plotline sketched out before this event, but the connections are so specific that it's pretty clear this real-life event influenced how it played out in the story. And in the anime at least, some of the mean comments the character gets are lifted wholesale from comments Kimura received during her harassment. So clearly, Oshi no Ko is pulling on this real life tragedy to further its themes of darkness in the entertainment industry and how it affects people.

The problem is, Kimura's mom isn't happy about it.

See, apparently no one- nobody working on the manga or the anime- thought to ask Kimura's family if it was okay to use their tragic circumstances as part of their narrative. Nobody bothered to check if it maybe might be a little insensitive to drag out the corpse of a dead girl for an edgy reincarnation revenge idol drama without asking that girl's parents if they were okay with it. So the mom did an interview where she expressed her anger at the whole thing, and how her daughter was essentially being used as "free source material," which, yeah, seriously, how the fuck did nobody check with her before this went to air? I don't care how good your intentions are or how excellent the finished product turned out, you do not use the real words and comments that drove a girl to suicide without getting the go-ahead from her family first. She even mentioned that a friend of hers watched the episode without knowing its content beforehand and it basically triggered all those traumatic memories all over again. It's just really fucking ugly all around.

Now, the whole point of the episode in question is about how terrible online harassment is and how you should never toss mean words around online so thoughtlessly, because you could be hurting people in ways you can't possibly understand. So you'd think that Oshi no Ko fans, being faced with this very understandable anger from someone with more stake in this mess than any of them either well, would take the situation with grace and try to reach an understanding. You'd think they'd try to have the kind of compassion in discussing this difficult subject that Kimura and the character inspired by her never got.

If only.

Now, to be clear, it's not like the entire Oshi no Ko fanbase ganged up on Kimura's mother. Plenty of people took the situation in stride and treated it fairly. But even just on the English speaking side of the internet, I've already seen way too many people becoming exactly the kind of mindless hate mob the show portrayed in that critical episode. And while I can't speak for the Japanese side, people who keep up with Japanese online spaces have confirmed there's harassment going on over there too. People saying she's only doing this for attention (gee it's almost like HER DAUGHTER'S DEATH IS BEING USED WITHOUT HER CONSENT), she shouldn't complain because it's raising awareness about cyberbullying (which totally justifies cyberbullying her in response, naturally), even claiming the arc totally wasn't inspired by Kimura's circumstances and it was just a coincidence the storyline released around the same time. Which is funny, because I distinctly remember when the episode first came out I saw tons of people praising how it took inspiration from Kimura's circumstances and how it was totally speaking to real life events so you had to take it seriously. But now Kimura's mother comes out saying she's upset with how it was handled, and suddenly those same people are going "Uuuuuuh actually it's just a coincidence, if you think it's intentional you're stupid."

I mean, if I didn't know better, I'd say it's almost like they never actually cared about the message. Like they only wanted to use the shiny coat of real-life tragedy to massage their own egos for liking Good(tm), Serious(tm) works of fiction that talk about Real(tm) Issues(tm), only to discard that talking point when it no longer suited their narrative. I might even call them a bunch of worthless cunts who care about protecting themselves from even the mildest emotional discomfort and moral uncertainty more than they give a damn about anyone else's genuine struggles with actual issues far beyond what any of these fuckweasels will ever have to face. Hell, if I was feeling particularly spicy, I might even connect this bullshittery to my criticisms of Oshi no Ko as a whole and point out how despite its thin veneer of deep societal criticism, this show really is the kind of vapid, pandering edge-masquerading-as-depth spectacle that presents just enough illusion of substance for people to feel smart for watching it without actually challenging them to leave their comfort zone of an "edgy" male antihero saving the day and making all the cute girls fall for him, thus attracting the exact same kind of insincere, cowardly fanbase that reacts to the slightest real challenge to their sense of self-righteousness by become the exact kind of monster the story they supposedly adore was trying to warn them against.

But that's probably unfair to all the normal, perfectly well-adjusted Oshi no Ko fans who don't deserve to be lumped in with this vocal minority of losers. So I'll call it a day here. Bottom line, ask before you use a real person's misery for Content(tm), don't be a dick when people criticize the fiction you enjoy, and online harassers can go suck on an exhaust pipe.

[lurkingshan]

The Night/Day issue was pretty glossed over as well, no real acknowledgment or apology to each other. I fear ep 9 was the last good episode, that ending was so strong. The remaining episodes seems like its going to pale in comparison. Even if the eye donation doesn't work, (which i think it wont) it seems like a redundant plot arc. Day has already accepted his blindness, so why do we need to see him and everyone else cry again when the procedure doesn't work? Im guessing they are just doing it for forced cheap drama, which is unfortunate. We could have had more Mhok devoted episodes because his life isnt perfect, its like they made him too much of a green flag with Day and are scared to show his struggles and flaws at all now. Sigh.

You know, the Night and Day scene didn't bother me on initial watch, because it do be like that sometimes with siblings. You can fight and torment each other for weeks or months or years and then one day just decide to stop and carry on like it never happened. And it's rare for siblings to get deep into the muck on apologies; it's a different kind of relationship that allows you to gloss over some of that work.

That said, when taking it as part of the whole and the many other things this show is glossing over, it is definitely part of the broader pattern. And you're not wrong about the redundant nature of the eye donation plot. We just saw Day arrive at acceptance so beautifully at the end of episode 9, so to bring this back around only an episode later kind of undercuts what the show accomplished with that arc. I suspect that the surgery (hopefully) failing will be more about pushing Day's mom to accept reality than it will be about Day, but I was not at all impressed with how they handled her material this ep so I can't say I'm really looking forward to more next week.

[the-oc-lass]

Nimona OC - Charlotte Swiftheart/Corova

Hello from my house! I'm spending the weekend at home but still wanted to post about my dearest girl (I'm having a fun time, yes indeed).

It's also because I won't be able to watch Nimona again this weekend for the first time in 3-4 weeks, so I'm the slightest bit bitter.

TW: Mention of (assumed) su*cide and of assault

First, Previous, Next

The Happy Months (and the end of Knight Charlotte):

After Charlotte reveals that she's Ambrosius's sister to Ambrosius himself and Ballister, they have a few good months with each other before everything goes right to shit

During this period, the trio sneaks down to the lower/poorer part of the city under the guise of something for Ballister. In reality, Ambrosius wants to meet Charlotte's mom (Ballister already has a handful of times). They get caught up in a rain storm and have to stay the night

Ambrosius finds Charlotte and Minara's (that's her mother's name, in case you've forgotten) home very cozy and homey despite it not being the nicest place (or very nice at all, for that matter). Charlotte goes off to shower at one point, and Ambrosius and Ballister are left with her mom. She quickly catches on to the fact that they know, and she sighs a bit. "She told you?" she asks. Ambrosius tries to play dumb, but it all eventually comes out because, as Minara says, "Lying isn't your strongest skill, Ambrosius". She just shakes her head at first, but she isn't really upset. She warns Ambrosius that this could put his family in a very poor light if it gets out, and he assures her that it won't, that neither they nor Charlotte has told anyone else (not even her girlfriend).

Eventually, the trio falls asleep in a bit of a pile on the very small sofa. It's very cute. Minara takes a picture, and I'd draw it if I had the skills

Upon arriving back to the Institute, the Director masks her frustration with a veil of concern, stating that "something awful could've happened to you!"

Goldenheart and Wiseheart (Charlotte Swiftheart x Alieza Wiseman) go on some double dates disguised as hangouts during this time. Rumors go around, the main one being that Alieza and Ambrosius are a thing and Charlotte and Ballister are a thing (no one suspects anything homo lol), but they don't let it bother them

Someone finds out about Charlotte's heritage as a "half blood," but don't release who she's related to (they're hoping to use it as blackmail material). This information is leaked to the public, and suddenly, people are turning on Charlotte left and right. Classmates that used to be friendly to her suddenly begin taunting her, whispering behind her back, and some (such as Todd) even begin to pick fights and hit her

Ambrosius finds her on the platform over the Glorodom one day, sitting quietly and trying not to cry. He cautiously sits next to her and asks if she wants to talk about it. Her hands ball into fists, and she rants about how upset, angry, and sad she is (purposefully leaving out the physical aspects of whats been happening to her). He asks what she needs, and she kind of trembles as she fights back tears. "To punch something," she says, before quietly adding, "or a hug." Ambrosius pulls her into a hug and says that they'll figure it out

Charlotte goes to the Director for help, tells her about what the other cadets have been doing to her. The Director is the opposite of helpful. "I'm sorry, Charlotte, but my hands are tied. The people have turned on you. Punishing the cadets tormenting you will only cause further public outrage...I can only imagine what would happen to Ambrosius if it got out that its his family you're related to," she says. Charlotte pales, blood running cold. She's absolutely shaken that the Director knows, and as apathetic eyes land on her, she realizes that she's being threatened. "It will all go away if you go home, Charlotte. The Goldenloin name and legacy will be safe, and so will Ambrosius. That's what you want, isn't it?" Charlotte swallows, looking down with tears stinging her eyes. "Yes, Director." Slowly, the Director continues. "You know, I've already heard whispers that people think it's Ambrosius you're related to. With how close you've been over the past six years, you can't really blame them." A beat. "You have until the end of the week to decide what to do. After that, I'm afraid the rumors will have to be addressed, and whatever happens next will be thanks to you."

After struggling with the decision, Charlotte ultimately decides that she has to protect Ambrosius. She agrees to leave the Institute. She has to sign some papers to officially mark it as her decision (rather than being expelled/kicked out of the Institute). Once the papers are signed, the Director files them away. Just as Charlotte is leaving to go pack her things, the Director calmly remarks, "Oh, and Charlotte. My condolences." Charlotte freezes, looking back at her. "I'm sorry?" She's met with an apathetic face that tells her "I heard about your mother."

The story that Charlotte hears is that her mother couldn't take the backlash of it being revealed that she'd not only given birth to a bastard child, but also one of a noble person. It's said that she hung herself. In reality, no one is entirely sure if that's what happened. Charlotte was told there was a note, but she was never allowed to look at it. It is extremely likely that the Director actually had Minara killed

Charlotte breaks things off with Aleiza before leaving, and she has a very rough goodbye with Ambrosius and Ballister. She tells them about her mother, and they promise to do what they can to be there for her. This promise doesn't last long (more on that in my next post)

Lovely tagged people:

@ammonitetheseaserpent @perfectkittystranger @derellenbogen

[ethicallysourcedhumanmeat]

god. so my current crochet class was miss-advertised and I've got a class of folks who have mostly never touched a hook before

and that on it's own is like frustrating but its fine. I have tutorials I have personally made, I sourced and purchased beginner level patterns, I took 2 classes to go over terms and stitches sent them home with materials to practice. I explained in class what to buy where to buy all of that.

basically I adapted, and supplied as many learning resources as I could and devoted 2 classes to beginner instruction while actively informing everyone multiple times that this is a project based class, you will pick a project and work on it.

I've also been clear that anyone who needs extra in person instruction can come to my drop in session on fridays for free. I'm also available on socials and by email for extra help, I'm willing to video call or make extra tutorials. I'm very clear on this, I get paid and extra 90mins a week just cover this availability.

But the class WAS STILL advertised as a project based class. where you pick a pattern and spend the classes working on it with me to instruct and help as you go. people have registered for this who do know a little or have taken a class from me and its really unfair to them to have me spending the entire class with the same people every week like???

and at the end of last week's class I stated clearly that this week we'll start projects, buy materials if you want to make a larger project. I explained how to read a yarn lable, how to read the material list on a pattern.

guys the emails

here's the thing, crochet feels awkward when you start, a lot of the issues people have can only be solved by doing it more. getting comfortable with the movements, getting your tension better it all comes with practice. crochet is forgiving but you have to actually start.

every time i teach i tell my students if you start with a square just finish it, dont keep restarting trying to figure out where you went wrong, make the whole square, then look at it. I say this because often there is nothing wrong but its new and it looks weird bc you're new, but the shape will cone about only if you keep going.

this is the first time I've gotten to the 4th hour of classes and none of the first timers will finish a square. and they can do it is the thing that bothers me. they hand me round 1 of a granny square and say "i just do not know what is going wrong" and i tug the stitches so its square, (showing them that that is all Im doing) tell them, "no its fine you're doing great!" they take it from me, unwind it and have me explain it again.

one woman is having tension issues, so I show her where on the hook to tighten the yarn, explain that even tho it feels like you should dont tighten the chain as you pull it off your hook or after you've pulled it off. I offer her a larger hook, the hook she brought is very small, i use that size on lace weight yarn. she refuses the larger hook, i watch her tighten the yarn after its off her hook. i explain again that these things are the problem. I get her a larger hook. she didnt use it.

like there are people there that make me feel like I'm on a reality show or a bad sitcom. I was begging them to just continue. To stop restarting to just have faith in themselves to set their goals to completion not perfection because its not going to be perfect the first time but it can get done. And again all these people CAN do it, I'm seeing them do it, anc telling them theyre doing it and they just literally tell me theyre not and restart whatever practice thing they tried.

I got an email response today from a lady that started last week and was 100% making perfectly good single crochet stitches by the end of class (2 hours), saying she didn't even know where to start and maybe she'll use the in class yarn and make granny squares because patterns will be too hard, maybe this class is too advanced.

this woman could crochet by the end of her first 2 hour class. i communicated that to her then like???

so i sent her a yarn label and explained (again) how to read it, told her that most of the patterns I provided last class were beginning friendly and like i said in my reminder email if she wants to start with a granny square project I can help her design it in class but she should by her own yarn and she won't really learn anything if she doesn't have a project goal.

i just genuinely do not understand how these people thought they were going to learn? if you want to learn to make something you have to start making the thing.