#wouldnt that be cool <- face of a man who has no idea how to do commissions
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hey what if I did heraldic achievement commissions
#wouldnt that be cool <- face of a man who has no idea how to do commissions#<- face of a man who should also like actually draw more heraldic achievements#ive done. one fully lined and colored#i have sketches of some others#but. i think it would be fun#id probably charge based on different parts of a heraldic achievement/complexity of charges/number of coats of arms#and then also like. for sketch line colored or shaded#and also some for a brainstorming/consultation (where if the person doesnt know exactly what they want/wans advice then i can help em out?)#idk i think it would be fun#do need to draw more though#and figure out how to do comms#and figure out how much to price stuff#idk ill time how long it takes me to do one ig#||#fall speaks#hmm i need a personal heraldry tag#herald tag
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a post where i separate every woman in smash by how i would categorize them in relation to samus if she had a dating sim and they had to be assigned a character type (that im saving here in case i ever want to go back to think about this) . and other samus & smash girls shipping thoughts
firstly i originally posted this on bluesky so if you’re not following me there.. go do that!! @hoshizoralone.bsky.social
explanations for the tropes are as follows:
childhood friend - palutena (kid icarus and metroid game overlaps of which there are many. like come on man... this is a nobrainer)
energetic cute girls - peach/daisy/pyra (daisy is jock leaning)
jocks - wii fit trainer/alex/mythra
mysterious transfer student - sheik/mii gunner/rosalina/lucina (though samus is not in school. but i'm not sure how else to explain this trope. maybe just "mysterious character")
the love interest that openly flirts with the mc - bayonetta
(varying degrees of) nerds, the smart girls - byleth/robin/zelda/isabelle (like lets say they were put into a scenario with samus. they would be the brains of the operation. robin would have had the adam stuff in dread solved immediately)
i don't care - corrin (i really tried to think of what trope she could be but i don't even imagine samus would like her)
not viable (teenagers). these two become a background couple - min-min/leaf (well, i had thought this, but after making the post on bluesky someone told me leaf’s canon age is 11. i had thought she was nebulously teenaged…. so either age her up here, or forget this tier exists)
not viable (babies) - villagers/inklings/wendy/nana
i do think the idea of creating a sim revolving around samus would be fun, only issue is the pression has truly kicked my ass this year and i really am all out of writing ability. i have two other games already sitting in my drafts half finished…
it could make for a fun rom hack though. Maybe instead of the chozo giving you power ups its the other girls . And at the end you have to Save The Girls not the animals. Someone make that happen.
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the above isnt arranged by how much i ship it but the below is. imagine gandrayda (of metroid prime 3 fame) right under samus and then a massive powergap and then the rest of the chart:
two professional girlfailures are facing off head to head in this 500 chapter slow burn sam/palu fanfiction - palutena (palutena is a girlfailure at everything but samus only falls into that category for women. it would be an extremely long time for samus to realize palutena likes her . could they make it work when they're both so busy? read my nonexistent fic to find out)
samus has a one sided crush - peach/rosalina/wii fit trainer. (samus will never confess. peach has mario and samus isnt messing w that. samus thinks she's not cool enough for rosalina. wft is already in a relationship consult the lone wii fit trainer lore)
(in my head samus’s one sided crushes are justified like this:
peach - she is literally so pretty it’s blinding. peak femininity is making samus short circuit
rosalina - parentless lady from space who has been left alone/feels lonely resonates hard
wft - she gives constant positive feedback which i think samus is starved to hear)
i used to love sam/bayo but bayo3 sucked so i kinda dont care about it anymore - bayonetta. sad day.
one sided crush on samus - alex/robin/zelda/lucina
samus-neutral - sheik/byleth/isabelle/gunner/pymythra/daisy/corrin. (they probably wouldnt pass up the opportunity to kiss samus if given one but they're not having their thoughts occupied by her)
one sided childhood crush (thinks she's cool) (not reciprocated) - min-min (samus is sort of like a celebrity. it's sort of like having a crush on zac efron when hes 18 and youre 7)
i consider samus in her 30s so every teenager and baby who doesn't have a cute unreciprocated crush is out of the running - leaf/villagers/inklings/nana/wendy
someone had asked… where’s dark samus. for me as one of the five samus x gandrayda shippers, i think if there was a dating sim and dark samus was in it samus would immediately halt the events of the dating sim to go hunt her down as repayment for everything + the whole killing her girlfriend thing. like she cant exist in this world.
the only other samus thing i ship that isn’t mentioned here already is samus x cortana. it could be cute. i do Naut ship her with any guys. lesbian samus for life
aside from samus x gandrayda which will probably always be my ride or die ship, i think the ship with the most interesting stuff to explore is samus/palutena… they aren’t alike characterwise at all, but it’s just that their series are linked in a metatextual sense, so its fun to imagine them together. in a “we’ve been hanging around each other for a while!” kind of way. well, opposites attract..
anyways that was my post. If you read this and have thoughts let me know. Maybe i’ll draw some stuff in my freetime. Cool thanks love ya bye.
#save tag#i dont wanna tag this but its gonna show up in that tumblr search function anyways right. whatever
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It’s Carly Tingle’s big day, the release of her first traditionally published horror novel, Camp Damascus. Unfortunately, Carly’s having trouble enjoying this moment as fear and chaos begin to swirl around her. She wants the book to do well, of course, but it slowly becomes apparent there’s more to Carly’s ambition than meets the eye.
Things get clearer when Carly revisits an old erotica short she’d written, titled Eaten Right By The Physical Manifestation Of My Pride And Excitement That The Lead Character Of My First Traditionally Published Horror Novel Is On The Autism Spectrum Just Like Me. This sets off a chain of fourth-wall breaking events that will send Carly on an adventure unlike any other.
Now at the book shop, Carly will come face-to-face with the beautiful physical manifestation of her pride and excitement as an autistic artist, culminating in an erotic lesbian encounter that could inspire generations to come.
This erotic tale is 4,300 words of sizzling human on sentient physically manifested excitement in the form of a punctuation mark action and lesbian autistic pride love.
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please enjoy EATEN RIGHT BY THE PHYSICAL MANIFESTATION OF MY PRIDE AND EXCITEMENT THAT THE LEAD CHARACTER OF MY FIRST TRADITIONALLY PUBLISHED HORROR NOVEL IS ON THE AUTISM SPECTRUM JUST LIKE ME out now for free but asking for donation to AUTISTIC SELF ADVOCACY NETWORK
MORE ABOUT THIS TINGLER:
hey there buckaroos i would like to use today to talk on something that is very important to me. i have talked a lot about my journey as a bud on the autism spectrum, and about how I LOVE BEING AUTISTIC.
my story on the spectrum is not a struggle. my way was diagnosed in early twenties, but because of way of masking VERY FEW BUCKAROOS WOULD EVEN NOTICE. it has given me ability to hyper focus and get large amounts of writing done, to find creative ideas neurotypical buds might miss, and to have a unique perspective on life on this timeline.
HOWEVER as man name of chuck my pride in this way used to make me uncomfortable, thinkin i should not share my story. there are many buds on this spectrum who have a MUCH harder time than chuck, and i want to respect the VERY IMPORTANT AND VERY REAL struggles of my fellow autistic buckaroos. for long time i did not feel like it was my place to share and say ‘personally, i wouldnt change my autistic trot for anything. i think being autistic is very cool’
but as tingleverse got more fans and buckaroos started listening to my words more i started thinking: THIS is an opportunity to prove love. part of the reason i am PROUD of my spectrum way is because FIRST INTERACTION with idea of this trot (was called aspergers way back then) was to realize that ALL MY HEROS were on this spectrum: david byrne of band TALKING HEADS being number one.
my FIRST INTERACTION with this idea was not ‘whoa this is tragic’ it was ‘whoa the coolest buckaroo on the PLANET is the same as me’
POINT IS i have been on this timeline a while now and now i am in this position myself. i can be the one buckaroos see when they learn this about themselves and think: WOW LOOK AT THIS WILD ARTIST I ADMIRE BREAKING THE NORMS AND CHARTING A NEW TROT THROUGH THIS TIMELINE WE ARE BOTH AUTISTIC THIS IS THE HECKIN COOLEST
most of the characters i write are probably a little on the spectrum because they are comin from inside chucks head. i look back and notice this and laugh, but other than a single tingler i rare actually OUTRIGHT SAY this character is autistic. i decided that FIRST BIG HORROR NOVEL WITH A TRADITIONAL PUBLISHER was a good time to change this. while i write erotica most of the time which means NO YOUNG BUCKAROOS ALLOWED, horror is a little different. buckaroos young and old can read CAMP DAMASCUS and think ‘i see myself in this autistic hero and I FEEL COOL’
EVEN WRITING THIS NOW makes me get teary eyed and emotional, because these feelings of belonging and positive representation were SO IMPORTANT to me. i would not be trotting here without these autistic heroes, and now i have been given the chance to create one of my own with CAMP DAMASCUS and WITH MYSELF just by being chuck and talking openly about my joyful, exciting, artistic trot on the spectrum.
WITH ALL OF THIS IN MIND i am releasing a brand new tingler called EATEN RIGHT BY THE PHYSICAL MANIFESTATION OF MY PRIDE AND EXCITEMENT THAT THE LEAD CHARACTER OF MY FIRST TRADITIONALLY PUBLISHED HORROR NOVEL IS ON THE AUTISM SPECTRUM JUST LIKE ME for free. HOWEVER i am requesting that if you choose to read you send your three dollars (or whatever donation you would like) to the AUTISTIC SELF ADVOCACY NETWORK. this way 100 percent of all profits will go to them. (WARNING this is actual erotica so no young buckaroos allowed for this one).
all ages (who are old enough to read horror) can preorder CAMP DAMASCUS at any bookstore. i also have a tingler name of NOT POUNDED BY THE PHYSICAL MANIFESTATION OF SOMEONE ELSE'S DOUBT IN MY PLACE ON THE AUTISM SPECTRUM BECAUSE DENYING SOMEONE'S PERSONAL JOURNEY AND IDENTITY LIKE THAT IS INCREDIBLY RUDE SO NO THANKS that is pound free so all ages can read so check that out if you would like.
thank you for blessing me with a space to explore these ideas. i am so thankful to be here with you and you have treated me so well. i am eternally grateful for our tort together and look forward to the future we craft on this timeline.
LOVE IS REAL - chuck
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Wouldnt it be cool if Shigaraki/Tenko was the one to kill AFO (like in his mind)?? Maybe with a bit off from Deku ofc
I have mixed opinions about it. I'm not talking from the meta or narrative analysis side, but from what I'd like to read.
Then I started reading other peoples opinions and reflecting about it. I think I just got tired of AFO in general. I don't know why, there's not really a good explanation. It's something more subjective. Even when AFO is the one who kick-started the story, the haha world is so much more than him. There were many problems, many situations that have him involved, but he was not the only reason behind what happened. I was ready to move on, for the story to leave the beginning behind and for Tomura and Deku to own AFO and OFA.
At first I kinda wanted that exact scenario, with Tomura being the one erasing AFO because he embodies the people who suffered the most at his hands. It was a full cycle for me.
I've mentioned before, but I really liked how AFO died at Bakugo's hands. I thought it was very poetic. I'm very fond of Bakugo as a character, I really like how he started so flawed and how he built himself to become such a great kid. He's still learning, but he's getting there. The idea of him killing AFO was amazing to me. I was sooo happy to see a "secondary character" killing AFO. It was the most miserable death. AFO suffered, he was humiliated, it was awesome. It was a good way to show that one person doesn't have to do every single thing, because to that point almost every character was fighting and doing their part.
I thought it was an interesting choice for bnha to have the big bad being taken out by a secondary, leaving the protagonist to save and not to kill. It was cool that Tomura was being saved to. Maybe him not killing AFO was the point after all. He has done so much on his own, does he have to kill AFO to? Doesn't he deserve to be saved either by his friends or the people fighting to give him a second chance?
Honestly???
I wanted the League of Villains to save Tomura.
I thought that nothing would be more important to him than to be saved by his friends. They are his family, you know. I think the LOV had the right to kill AFO for what he did to Tomura, one of the people they love, respect and admire the most. I wanted the villains to be his hero. Tomura fought for the outcasts and they fought back for him.
Right now, Deku and Tomura teaming up to kill seems like a generic shone ending to me. Not bad or out of place. It's a "uh okay" and move on type of ending.
I thought it'd be funny if the story was like "this evil man has a hidden plan beware! beware! he'll be back!" only to reveal it was truly over. He was dead. Even AFO was just another person that died as a crying baby denying his fate, his mortality, the fragility of the man. I also always praised bnha for not bringing people back over and over, but sticking to the finality of a wound or a death.
It raises the stakes, you know?
So when the villain comes back and comes back and comes back and— okay, we get it, he's evil and smart and he wants world dominance and all that. What else? Him again?
Tomura's story could have been closed without an AFO come back. It wouldn't be less meaningful. Many victims are forced to move one without the subject of their trauma there to confront. At that point, it'd be a relief to see Tomura facing his own past without AFO there or at least knowing that the man who traumatized him was dead.
I want to see the LOV. I wanted to see Kurogiri with Tomura again. I wanted to see the reaction of the world watching Deku and Tomura emerge together from that fight. They didn't have to be there to witness, Tomura and Deku had their connection and it was only for them to know.
I'm rambling, I know. Sorry :( it's just that I wanted to explain that I don't dislike the idea of what you suggested, but it's also not my favorite concept anymore.
#shan's asks#bnha manga spoilers#bnha spoilers#mha spoilers#bnha#mha#my hero academia#boku no hero academia#league of villains#lov#shigaraki tomura#long post
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Legs go with something fun and fluff: Coco, learning that Winter is visiting Beacon, decides to flirt with her, thinking she'll be as easy to fluster as Weiss, only to be left a blushing mess as it turns out the elder Schneebling is more than capable of dishing it back out~
“And you’re sure this is a good idea?” Velvet asked. “I know you like to have fun with Weiss, but trying to flirt with her sister?”
Coco smirked as she looked over her scroll, already running through her plans in her head. “Weiss is fun to tease, but Winter will be different. Unlike Weiss, she was never formally called an heir to the SDC, she’s a Specialist in the Atlas Military and partly why I wanted to be a huntress. Besides, I only want to tease her. And it should be just as easy to tease her as Weiss.”
“And you know this… how?”
“She’s rich, she’s in the military, and anything about her private life has been kept heavily under wraps. As far as I can tell, she’ll melt at the first sign of affection.”
“If she doesnt kill you first…” Velvet muttered under her breath.
Coco looked over at Velvet and sat her scroll down. “What was that?”
“W-what about the tournament? From the sounds of it, she’s only going to be around while the tournament is going since Atlas is now in charge of security.”
“I’ll still be focused for it.”
“Will you? And what if she’s only around while we should be fighting? As much fun as it’ll be to watch you flirt with her, I… I was hoping that maybe we could… spend more time together.”
Coco smiled at Velvet and made her way over to her. “You know I’m always here for you. This is just a one time thing. I promise, I only have eyes for you.”
Velvet looked away to hide her blush. “You better.”
—--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“There she is now!” Coco said with excitement as she watched Winter fight another huntsman in the courtyard. Her eyes practically lit up as she watched the specialist summon her nevermores to pelt the older man. “She’s soo cool!”
“Right, cool…” Velvet said with a sigh. “She looks like she’s busy, so maybe now isnt the best time.”
“I know, I’ll wait until she’s finished.”
“That’s not what I meant and you know it.”
Coco grinned as the fight came to an end and started to make her way over to Winter. She took a few moments to compose herself, quietly running through the same lines she used on Weiss. She knew she had the confidence and the right tone to make Winter’s heart melt, but she wanted to be sure she was ready so she wouldnt stumble over anything no matter the answer she got. She made her way to the specialist and put up a confident smile as she spoke. “Hello Snow Angel.”
Winter paused and turned to face Coco, her eyes practically scanning over her. “And you are?”
“Coco Adel, future armor smith for huntsmen and the woman who will take you out on the best night of your life. I know all the sights of Vale and you are by far-”
Coco’s heart nearly stopped as Winter pressed a hand to her chest and pushed her up against the wall. Her breath hitched; a shiver went down her spine as Winter’s face neared her own.
“A date. That’s what you want, isnt it?”
Coco quietly nodded as she felt Winter put a hand to her cheek, then moved her finger to trace down her chest. “W-well… not exactly a date-”
“Then I expect for you to meet me here in the courtyard at seven tonight.” Winter pulled back and smirked as she looked Coco over once more. “I can see why Weiss is fond of you. I expect you to be here on time and to… show me the sights you claim to know so well.”
Coco blushed hard as she finally took a breath, her legs shook as she watched Winter walk off. She started to steady herself as she heard Velvet call out to her, her calm demeanor still slipping.
“Coco! Are you okay?”
“I’m… fine…”
Velvet stopped in front of Coco and looked her over. “Are you sure? You’re a bit red.”
“I… I think I have a date with Winter tonight…” Coco paused and steadied her breath as her blush deepened. “And… I think I’m looking forward to it.”
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Racc here, I'm gonna drop this one at yalls (literally no one) feet like a bastard child. See ya.
It's my least favorite because I feel it's a stupid idea, it was cool at first but when I put pen to paper it didn't make sense.
Synopsis, the authors least favorite son
August 29th, 2046
Jerusalem, Israel
Walking through the streets of one of the holiest cities in the world is quite an experience, I enter a coffee shop to meet the man I am to interview today, his name is Amir Essa, and he has gray streaks in his long dark hair, is bronze skin is wrinkled with crows feet and laugh lines. He shakes my hand and smiles at me, the smile reaches his eyes. The war didn't take that away from him like it did so many others.
“So you were a part of the Saharian horde eradications?”
“Ahh yes, the SHE unit”
He speaks of the SHE with a fond reminiscence.
“Could you elaborate just what the SHE unit was?”
“One of the greatest cavalry forces since the hussars, we were created after the final pushbacks at the walls of Jerusalem, and made as an extermination unit for the Saharian mass horde, comparable to a European horde or the horde you Americans had on your east coast”
“After the pushbacks of Jerusalem, the Israeli government came up with an idea, to use all the camels that had come in when the shut off of the Israeli state began, and instead of continuing to use them for meat, why not weaponize them? They were the perfect desert animal for the intention we had, and being that Israel’s factories stayed open, we had a massive stockpile of rifle ammunition, which, after your battle of DC, we found was the most effective for killing the dead, instead of your orchestras of artilery and machine guns.”
“i signed on with the SHE as soon as i found out the government had made it, of course you had to go through our version of your bootcamps, and learn how to ride a camel, while also learning how to shoot the rifles they gave us.”
“on this day, 16 years ago, we began our liberation of the african desert, descending through cairo and around the mediterranean coast slowly drawing off numbers from the SMH (saharian mass horde) and after 2 months of doing this, the brass decided to give us the order to start skirmishing with the mass horde”
“the SHE had about 20,000 active cavalrymen, but was split in 2, the army i served with, the silver horsemen, started our skirmishes from the atlas mountains, while our sister army, the red horsemen, started from the nile river. And when the order came out, both armies would attempt to meet in the middle of the desert, and hopefully, on the corpse of the mass horde.”
“i was one of the first ones who began the circling of the horde, god it was like we where the mongol hordes of old, horde against horde. This was the deciding factor of who would come out on top of this war, this was the turning point.”
“when the shots first started to go off, we got extremely confident, we had the ammo, and the speed, to outpace every single one of those things, im talking the entire 40 million of those things in that mass of decay. But some of the younger soldiers, got too confident, got too close to the sun, a stray bullet hit his camels leg, and he went tumbling about 10 yards away from the horde, he got up from his camel, managed to put it down before the horde got to it, and booked it towards us, i had to do something, it was my moral duty, especially when one is faced with a death that gruesome. I broke formation, and urged my camel to run faster towards the horde.”
“this normally wouldnt have worked, animals had this primal instinct to get away from these things, but our camels, and later your k-9s where trained to ignore these instincts, or at least be brave enough to face the fear of the dead. I charged towards the lone soldier, he saw me and started running towards me and my camel, he was running out of stamina, and the horde was gaining on him, but, at the last second, i was able to get him on my camel, and we returned to the circle.”
“i chastised the boy, but i learned that he was one of the few americans in israel when the state quarantined, his name was Cain Rogers. He was fearstricken. Who wouldnt have been though, faced with death that close, and at that young as well.”
“now that i had this boy with me on my camel, i had half the ammo i had before i rescued Cain, since he left his ammo with his camel, whose corpse wasnt there when we got back into the cirlce formation. But me and Cain made it work, we had a system locked down, and before the day ended, we had made a significant dent in the number of the horde. We all went back to base, trading out our positions with the other half of the silver horsemen so we could let ourselves and camels rest, the other half of the silver horsemen would keep the SMH occupied so they didnt hunt us down while we slept.
“Cain thanked me a thousand times when we arrived at the mountain base to rest. He didnt need too, but he did it anyway. The day silver horsemen feasted and drank and sang because of the dent we made in the SMH that day, but we rested, and when we woke up we traded out with the night portion of the silver horsemen, and continued our skirmish.”
“this process of switching night and day would continue for maybe a week, but after days of this process, we finally saw the light, red as the dawn. Our men where tired, and im sure some of our camels had tripped on corpses along the way, but when we saw our sister army. I think thats the most reguvinating moment ive had in my life. That final skirmish was the hardest we had fought the entire week, and the moment i embraced a man from the red horseman, was the moment humanity had a chance.”
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Jeff the Killer x Musician reader
~ He first heard your band playing down the street while he was taking a walk. He thought you guys would be good targets, but when he saw you he froze.
~ You were practicing a certain song that coincidentally happened to be his favorite(for the sake of this post, it’s Mama by My Chemical Romance). He’d decided he’d lay off killing for a bit and listen in.
~ The guitarist noticed him sitting on a bench across the street and told you ; the band deciding to have him judge the music.
~ At first, he was reluctant. Seeing as he’s a serial killer, he normally wouldnt like to be in a group of people unless back home with the “rest”.
~ Everyone but you idiotically ran over and “kidnapped him”, guiding him to sit on a random crate they had lying around.
~ ex: “Hey guys, let’s go get him!” the bass player suggested. you rolled your eyes. “No, we probably shou-“ “GYAAAAAAAAAAHHH!” you watch as they grab him by his limbs and hood, carrying him over to the garage you were practising in. “ACK- g- get the fuck off me!” “Idiots…”
~ After a few hours, he ends up vibing with the whole band. Especially you.
~ Jeff has quite literally never experienced love or affection before, therefore he gets quite confused when you complement him.
~ Oh and by the way, no one has noticed his face ONCE before you pointed it out.
~ ex: “Hey, your face is lowkey pretty cool! But does the uh… Gash.. Hurt at all?”
~ Jeff paused for a good second, trying to comprehend the fact that you actually said something nice about his face. I mean, he knew he was gorgeous but nobody else seemed to think so apart from Nina; he did NOT need approval from HER of all people.
~ “Uh.. Heh.. Thanks! I know I’m pretty cool, aren’t I? And the gash? Nah, I don’t really feel much unless I touch it.”
~ When Jeff decided he had to go, he got added to the band Group Chat before he left. Every morning since then, he’d wake up with a hangover and 13,496 notifications all consisting of memes, dirty jokes, altered lyrics and weird voice messages. He’d make a morning out of listen to them through his headphones and eating breakfast.
(START DATING ALREADY)
~ When Jeff asks you out, he shows up with a bouquet of (HAND PICKED) flowers and somebody’s eyeball. This man had no IDEA how to approach you.
~ When you saw the bouquet you laughed out in surprise and took it, sniffing the flowers. The thought reveled in your mind that Jeff - being the guy he is - would go out of his way to do this for you.
~ He spends a significant amount of time at your house, usually climbing in through your window.
~ The two of you loved stealing snacks from the cupboards downstairs and every time your parents caught you, you would both freeze mid-sneak.
~ Your father would have asked what was with Jeff’s face, and to cover for him you’d say he was a cosplayer and they’d brush it off.
~ You’d go out on snackruns almost every other day, eating everything within half an hour tops.
~ Eventually, he knew he had to tell you what he really did. Who he really was. He decided to sit you down and try to talk to you about it, but he was incredibly hesitant. He kept stuttering and wouldn’t stop getting distracted.
~ “Wait a sec.. Maybe if we bring some snacks out it’ll lighten the mood! Hold on a sec, Ba-“ “JEFF! Jeff. Sit down. Just tell me. I won’t judge you, I promise.”
~ He flopped back down like a pissed toddler and gave you the story, making it as straightforward as possible.
~ At first you were shocked, but that shock lightened to a relieved smile.
~ “So, you’re a serial killer that works for a really tall faceless guy in the forest. Is that what you’re saying?” “Uh.. Yeah. Pretty much..”
~ Jeff’s face darkened and he leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees and fiddling with his thumbs.
~ You muttered a quick, “Jesus Christ…” under your breath and pulled him in, hugging him tightly.
~ Jeff opened his mouth to protest, but instead ended up melting into your arms. It had been so long since he finally felt the touch of another human being that wasn’t aggressive. Since then, he lived to feel that again.
~ He’d started coming over every night, bringing presents or snacks your requested and told you stories about things that happened in the forest. You were fine with it because, honestly? You just loved the violence.
~ Every time he came home beat up by Slenderman or someone else, you’d patch him up and hum his favorite song while doing it subconsciously.
~ Soon, you both tell the rest of the band and force ask them not to tell anyone else or call the police. Eventually, the bass player had left the group due to moving away and Jeff agreed to take their place. Everyone thought the two of you were absolutely adorable, despite Jeff’s sadism.
~ You both loved wrighting songs together and playing them when you were alone
~ A lot of “I love you”s between verses.
Good day/night<3
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(Prev anon asking for lore) BITING YOUR LOREDUMP SM!!!!/pos It's so interesting!! I absolutely love how you wrote it, it like, in an way started picturing an painting in my mind of how part of the stories went down. Like with Groda and the way she wanted to be a leader with all the revolts then sending herself and her loyal followers into the underground and what was describe with the people above. And how she seemingly got even worse(?) down there while now sesrching for that enternal life. And the way Herobrine finds it!!(and how hes trying to keep himself alive D:!!) Your writing for it is intriguing to me and I can say you definitely got me into it.
THANK YOU!!!!!! Legit it is SO nice to finally be able to talk about universe building stuff with someone that isnt my partner (NOT THAT I MIND TALKING TO HER AT ALL but its just nice to get it OUT THERE) and its always so hard for me to just lay out stuff unless someone asks about specific stuff which usually people dont!! and i cant just talk about the ENTIRE thing all at once because i wouldnt even know where to start or where to end!!! or what to detail!!! my brain is exploding at all times because of all the fucking writing in it. i want to talk about EVERYTHING!!! and i want people to ENJOY CONSUMPTION OF MEDIA!!!! I am incapable of being normal but people engaging with my content and asking questions brings me indescribable amount of joy ANYWAY enough about me, im glad u liked it!!! I am by no means a professional writer but getting ideas out there is so satisfying, even if it isnt really in a professional formatting. And my MC au is something im REALLY passionate about bc it brings me a lot of comfort so i just have so many ideas and things in my head and im glad they come out cohesive and actually kind of cool sounding!! And u are right Groda got VERY worse she is so up in her head about being better than everyone else and ensuring her own success that she kind of lost sight of what she was actually fighting for and now even that is gone. Like congrats bitch!! Ur a ruler of an empire that collapsed under your own fucking reign!! What now!!! Don't worry when she comes around to finding that humans exist once more in the modern time she's gonna make it everyone's problem AGAIN. Or at least the main four players. SPEAKING OF THE PLAYERS Herobrine is genuinely so fun to just do anything with. Dude literally spawned in and weeks later dedicated a majority of the next years of his life to chasing some mystery. He, at the time, is far more obsessed with the past than caring about the present where he's just this scrawny twig of a man who's barely managing to keep himself on two feet. The spider bites on his leg are IMMENSE and he even has scaring on his arm from his encounter with the Warden. As well as that facial scarring from improper use of magic
he is a CAVE RAT and i love him deeply. most ppl make Herobrine some paranormal entity thing which can be really cool!!! but i really did say hey what if i just made him some weird fucking guy. Would u believe he first met the other main players properly through Rana finding him having tripped over face first in a berry bush after trying not to be seen by them. I would. And as I put it on Discord:
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“I guess I’m just not boyfriend material, ya know?” Eddie shrugs.
You never truly know until you try Eddie i wouldnt say all that now, Steve may be everyones type or it may seem that way but look he isnt my type ( i love him platonically) and thats it🫶🏻
“Eddie was your friend, that had been made abundantly clear”
You know it freaking hurts to see him say he isnt “boyfriend material” yet here we are friend zoned by the man himself like Eddie look over here we exist 😭
“It’s just,” Eddie was so over this inquisition, “she asked if I wanted to get coffee.”
Making a mental note never to as Eddie if he would like to have coffee with us , if we ever get the nerve to tell him how we feel😂
“You can date me, as practice!” You said it as if it was the simplest concept in the world”
Oh fuuck we went for it, i like this idea i really do but do i really want to be this mans test dummy? We will end up getting hurt & that my friends is scary asf
“I suppose you are the most brutally honest person I know,” Eddie doesn’t sound convinced.
I have never felt more friend zoned & terrified of getting my heart broken like i do right this moment😂😭
“cool? Would you like to come see my band play this weekend at The Hideout? We-“
I am getting a kick out of seeing him struggle to ask us out like come on Eddie put some more pep in your step😂
“I know how to tell if someone finds me attractive, y/n, I’m not stupid,” he said casually
Okay relax Romeo remember why you are here “fake dating” us because clearly you need help so shut it🥰
“You return to your drink, trying not to think too hard about the girls that Eddie brings to bar bathrooms or his van or wherever.”
Like I said, pain! its a little painful, but we agreed to it so we’re gonna help him out but I’d be lying if I wasn’t ready to start crying 😂😭
“Oh my gosh, a Leo! This will never work out, cuz I’m an asparagus…”
I am cackling , sorry Eddie i guess we were not meant to be because we are a vegetable😂
“his other hand suavely cupping the side of your cheek, His hips angled into yours, pinning you back against the vinyl, almost collapsing back into it.”
Yeah, there’s going to be harder than I thought because in this moment, I don’t want to be his fake girlfriend. I want to be his real girlfriend just kiss us you fool, Eddie Munson are you sure you are not BS’ing with the “ i am not a romantic” because this is screaming otherwise
“He wasn’t relationship material, and you were the picture perfect girlfriend that he didn’t deserve.”
You’re telling me that he sees us the same way we see him, but his insecurities are making him think he can never be a good boyfriend to us? I’m going to smack him because yes, you can be boyfriend material and you just have to let yourself go🥲
“He squeezed his eyes shut the moment he caught himself checking your ass out as you walked away, and let his head rest down on the steering wheel. He was fucked”
Yeah you are fucked buut is it bad that you are down bad for us Eddie? Like just embrace it 💗
“half stunned Eddie, who was still processing how in the hell this was your idea of a romantic date”
You see Eddie not all of us need to be taken out to some fancy dinner in order to consider it a date, a picnic actually sounds so much more refreshing than having to go sit at some overpriced restaurant if I’m being honest 🙃
A bedazzled hat with “hot momma”’on it screams Eddie i love it😂
“Yeah, I’ll punch a mosquito right in the face, to defend your honor and all that.”
He is such a dork how can we not fall for this man, go off Eddie defend our honor that mosquito has it coming 😩
“are you a sweet kiss on the picnic kind of girl, or an up against the wall kind of girl?
We are both Eddie Munson but i guess you will never find out until you finally tell us how you truly feel about us and drop this “fake dating” & actually date us FR FR☺️
Siiir we are wating for our “fake boyfriend” to come back from the bathroom i dont want to be rude but will you kick rocks?!
Oh Eddie i have a feeling that was not “fake jealousy” that was real jealousy and its okay we do not mind one bit
“I didn’t like the way he was looking at you,” Eddie turns to face you, having thrown all his darts, “for real.”
You see why we need to just let our true feelings out clearly we both are crushing on one another but cant get out of our own heads😅
“such a good girl for me, perfect pussy squeezing my fingers so tight, can’t fuckin wait to feel you soak my cock.”
Holy fucck yeaah we are done for, Eddie can do whatever he wants with our body we are his mind , body & soul🥰
Holy fucckinnnng shit normally I would give little recaps of the SMUT but the SMUT is so great ladies and gentlemen, you are going to have to read this start to finish in order to find out how good it is because I am not giving any of it away😌🫶🏻
“I’d give you everything, if you’d let me,”
Eddieeeee give us your heart and we promise to care for it like no other🥹
“The girl of my dreams offers to do all this no-strings-attached romantic shit, I’d be the dumbest man alive to turn that down.”
Then take the leap you fool, make the first move Eddie i beg you take the chance you know you are more than capable of making us happy😭💗
“You’re the kind of girl that after three dates he’ll already have a ring picked out. You’re everything, and I’m nothing, so forgive me for sparing you of that.”
You are more than capable of loving us & being our person Eddie stop selling yourself short and allow yourself to actually feel/connect with a person for fucks sake you are more than capable of loving & being loved you dipshit, gosh i hate you & love you at the same time😩
Holy fucck this was so good seriously from start to finish this was such a good fic , i love love love how in the end he finally let himself go and is willing to love & be loved i am sobbing😭💗
The Girlfriend Experience
Eddie Munson x Reader
Summary: Eddie doesn’t think he’s cut out for dating. Self-resigned to a life of one and done hookups, you’re determined to make him see that he has the capacity to be a worthy companion… for when the right girl comes around. Fake Dating AU, classic corny fic for a fav corny troupe, Stranger Things canon divergent ofc, 18+ smut (see warnings below), big dick energy but also slightly emotionally unavailable!Eddie, yada yada yada, you know the drill.
Content warnings: AFAB reader with she/her pronouns, use of y/n, alcohol, smoking the devil’s lettuce, mention of panty stealing, food consumption, semi-public sex, fingering, PIV, Dom-ish!Eddie, oral (m and f receiving), pierced dick Eddie because I said so!, unprotected PIV sex, hair pulling, mild angst but nothing too angsty just like one heated conversation and Eddie feeling a little worthless but happy ending I promise
Word Count: 20k ahhhhhh!!!
A/N: Thanks to all those who comment and reblog! Your feedback and engagement makes my heart soar and keeps me motivated to write this filth! Sorry for the gargantuan length, in very-me fashion I always ending up writing one behemoth fic every so often rather than just separating it out into chapters. Also, realizing after the fact that I use the brand name ‘Goodwill’ a lot in this fic, which maybe not everyone might know is a thrift store, not sure if that’s just an American thing or not but figured it was worth noting.
“I guess I’m just not boyfriend material, ya know?” Eddie shrugs.
“Don’t say that, Eds,” your eyebrows pinched together, “different qualities are important to different people. Not everyone is looking to date a Steve, or a Brian, or a whoever. I’m sure someone is out there looking for an Eddie.”
“It’s not that,” he shot a look towards Steve, who, despite your analogy, was unfortunately everyone’s type and the textbook definition of boyfriend material.
“I just don’t think I’d be very good at gooey romance stuff, or even like, passable boyfriend behavior. I mean, look at me, I hardly take care of myself, I’m loud, I have no money, I’m basically every dad’s worst nightmare, do I need to keep going?”
“The nightmare thing can actually be a bonus,” Steve chimes in, “the whole bad boy persona can be a huge draw for most girls.”
“Sure Steve,” Eddie’s voice grows exasperated, “I’m the mysterious bad boy until they realize I’m a huge loser who runs not one but two dungeons and dragons groups. Real fuckin’ attractive I’m sure that is.”
“Shows you’re committed to something…” you trail off when his eyes tell you to stop coming up with a positive spin for every excuse he gives.
This whole discussion had started because of something that happened at the bar last night. A small group of you decided to meet up for drinks, your usual group of pals. It was a Thursday, so the bar wasn’t too busy. Your friends all squished into a booth in the corner, chatting and catching up over a plate of shared nachos, when Robin started making frantic gesture at you and Steve.
“Please just say what you’re trying to say instead of this elaborate charade,” Steve makes a few mocking hand signals back at her.
“Okay, one at a time, and keep it subtle,” her voice lowered to a whisper, for some reason, “over at the bar, some girl is totally flirting with Eddie.”
You and Steve both turn around. “I said not at the same time!” She whisper yells.
There was, in fact, a pretty girl with shiny hair and glossy lips doing a half fake laugh and pressing her manicured hand to Eddie’s bicep. You whip back around to find Robin with her mouth hanging open in a “can you believe this is happening” way.
“Good for him,” Steve swivels back around too, “She’s pretty hot.”
You return to your nachos, pretending there wasn’t a ping of jealousy in you. Eddie was your friend, that had been made abundantly clear.
When Robin introduced you to all her friends from high school, you had easily gotten along with all of them. You especially got along with Eddie. He was funny, authentic, abrasive at times, but a truly good person at his core, creative, protective, you could go on.
After getting to know him a bit, and developing a budding crush, you had made a few passes at him. Nothing too forward, just small compliments here and there, open ended offers to hang out that never lead anywhere.
It’s not like he flat out rejected you, but any feelers you were putting out to see if there was potential there were met with him looking past your flirtatious intent and just being his goofy, friendly self. He treated you exactly the same way he treated everyone else, which was awesome, except for when it wasn’t.
“Oh no,” Robin’s gaze was not subtly fixed on the unfolding scene at the bar, you and Steve watched her face drastically shift from confused, to a cringe, to an eye roll.
Still half whispering, as if Eddie could even hear your corner of the bar, “He’s totally blowing it. DON’T both turn around at the same time again.”
“Okay, so,” she starts before either of you can even confirm that you want to know, “she was totally laying it on thick, like you could see it from all the way back here. And he must have said something off putting, cuz all of a sudden she like went cold on him and pranced away. Shhhhh, okay okay, he’s coming back.”
She was acting as if she wasn’t the only one gossiping. You and Steve were innocent bystanders in all this.
“WHAT was that?” She immediately blurts out when Eddie returns to his seat, fresh drink in hand.
You and Steve share a side glance to sigh at Robin’s inability to be subtle, god bless her. Eddie shifts around awkwardly and lets out a forced dry laugh, taking a long sip from his drink before facing the wrath of a curious Robin.
“Oh, that,” he gestures to the bar as if she could be asking about anything else, “some girl. Not sure.”
“Not sure? Eddie she was FLIRTING with you,” Robin all but yelled, causing Steve to scan the bar to see if the girl in question had landed somewhere within earshot.
“I know that,” he hisses, “She just… wasn’t my type…”
“Okay sure, hot girl in a tube top and no bra isn’t your type, riiiiight,” Steve rolls his eyes.
“It’s just,” Eddie was so over this inquisition, “she asked if I wanted to get coffee.”
You, Steve, and Robin all give him a blank stare, trying to decipher what he could possibly have against getting coffee with a hot girl.
“That’s like,” he gets defensive, detecting the wall of confusion facing him, “something people do on a date. Coffee is serious, and I’m not a very serious guy.”
“What do you mean ‘coffee is serious,’ coffee is like, as casual as you can possibly be?” Steve’s tone now emulated Robin’s from earlier, half whispering, half yelling, all scolding towards his friend.
“That’s just not really my speed. Coffee dates and flowers and hand holding and all that,” he was avoiding eye contact with all three of you, “Yeah, she was hot, sure, and maybe if she had been like ‘hey lets go fool around in the bathroom’ then I wouldn’t be here having this lame ass conversation with you three. But I don’t do coffee dates, so I’m not gonna waste her time and pretend like I’m that sort of guy when I’m just not.”
“Well good on you for not leading her on, cuz I’m sure you could have agreed to the coffee date and still gotten lucky in the bathroom,” Steve mumbles, and you smack the back of his head lightly to scold him.
“So you only date girls who’ll fuck you in a bar bathroom the first time you meet?” You redirect your now equally scolding energy to Eddie.
“No!” He runs his hands through his hair, “I don’t date. Anyone, really. At all. Ever.”
“Oh,” you think for a minute, realizing in your few years of friendship you never had seen him with anyone, or heard him mention a romantic interest of any sort.
Leading you to your present conversation, you and Steve continuing to question Eddie on his decision to reject the hot tube-top girl at the bar and why he felt like coffee was such a scary commitment.
“You guys know me,” he continued to defend his stance, “If I took that girl out for coffee she probably would have picked some fancy hoity toity place and I wouldn’t know what anything on the menu meant, I’d probably spill something or like, get crumbs everywhere, and the bill would be way more than two coffees should be. It would have been a waste of both our time.”
He was staunchly refusing eye contact with the two of you, knowing he’d be met with something along the lines of pity.
“Fine, we’ll drop the subject,” you shoot a look to Steve, “but I just need to make sure you understand that not every girl likes expensive coffee, or flowers and handholding, or whatever your expectation of girls and dating is. There’s plenty of girls who have similar interests to you, who feel the same way about PDA and mushy romance stuff that you do. You do know that, right?”
“Of course I do, y/n,” you could practically feel his eyes rolling at you, “but girls like that sure as fuck aren’t here in Nowhere, Indiana. Even if she was, I’m sure I’d still find a way to fuck it up given that I’ve had exactly zero serious girlfriends and the closest thing to a date I’ve ever been on is when you me and Steve pooled our ski ball tickets to win that ugly stuffed turtle.”
The memory of what you had all agreed to be the world’s ugliest stuffed animal caused all of you to crack a smile. Steve had silently agreed to change the subject, not wanting to dig Eddie any deeper into his pit of self despair.
Steve’s mouth was half open, about to suggest that the three of you have a smoke and watch one of the rental movies he brought over, the words just about to escape him when you harshly cut off any chance at ending the pity-party.
“Date me!” You exclaim, without much thought. The shocked look from both boys caused you to rapidly back pedal , “You can date me, as practice!” You said it as if it was the simplest concept in the world.
When met with gaping mouths and confused stares you continue on, “You and I can be fake boyfriend-girlfriend for like, a month, and I’ll tell you everything you do wrong, and like generic do’s and don’t’s, so that way the next time some hot girl hits on you, you can be all like ‘Coffee isn’t really my thing pretty lady, but I’d be down to get drinks sometime’,” you did a silly impression of Eddie’s voice, and then switched to a high pitched one to impersonate what you assumed the girl at the bar sounded like, “and then she’d be all like, ‘Oh yeah that sounds greaaaaat, getting coffee is just like, a generic catch-all thing that most people say when they want to get to know someone better, but you can buy me a drink’ and then the two of you will ride off into the sunset and it’ll be great.”
Still no reply.
“It won’t be all romantic and gooey, I promise I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to. It’d be a way for you to get some honest feedback and catch up with the stuff most people have to learn the hard way.”
“I suppose you are the most brutally honest person I know,” Eddie doesn’t sound convinced.
Steve just looked between the two of you with eyebrows raised, not knowing if giving his opinion on the matter would be appreciated or not. “I guess I would’ve appreciated someone telling me that most girls don’t want to be asked out with a pickup line from a John Hughes movie, would have saved me a few dozen rejections.”
“I’m pretty sure Robin did tell you that…”
“I don’t know y/n,” Eddie scratches his head.
“It’ll be easy. Ask me out.”
“Huh?”
“Ask me out, for practice, ask me out on a date like I’m a pretty girl you met at some metal show or a DnD convention or something like that,” you stand in front of him with your hands out as if to prompt him to say something.
“Will you go out with me?” He sounds more like he’s asking himself if he even wants to be asking the question.
“No.”
“What the hell!” He throws his hands up.
“I said no because that wasn’t a very good effort. Go out where? To do what? You’re asking me, a pretend stranger, out on a date Eddie, not if I want to go have a smoke with you.”
“Ughhhh,” he spun around and tried to get some sympathy for Steve, who unfortunately was on your side with this one.
“A compliment or two doesn’t hurt as well,” Steve added, deepening Eddie’s groan.
“Hey pretty stranger lady,” his voice was laced with sarcasm, but at least it wasn’t disdain, “you seem really…” he hesitated to find his words, “cool? Would you like to come see my band play this weekend at The Hideout? We-“
“No,” you cut him off.
“WHA-“
“Eddie, you can’t ask a girl to watch Corroded Coffin play for your first date with her, that’s like date four or five material, no girl wants to go sit by herself at a bar to watch some guy she just met play an hour of heavy metal. She would have to know you a little bit more for that to feel organic. Pick something more generic, like coffee.”
“I think you seem cool, would you like to get coffee with me?” it all came out as one monotone mumble from him.
“Sure,” you wait for him to lift his head up to make eye contact with you, “But coffee isn’t really my thing, maybe we can go out for drinks?”
“Oh fuck off,” he flopped back onto the couch next to Steve.
“See, now we have our first fake date, and then you can ask me to be your fake girlfriend, and then you’ll be so comfortable with emotional vulnerability that you can find a real girlfriend to take on real dates.”
“Yeah, I suppose it could be beneficial,” Eddie was slowly coming around to the idea. He knew that he was oddly charismatic at times, but he was just always too self conscious to follow through with the whole romance thing.
This maybe wasn’t a bad idea, because he knew you weren’t the kind of person who would make fun of his hobbies, or put him down if he slipped up, the sorts of things he was always afraid of girls doing. Sure, he’ll agree to the girlfriend experience.
After a night of movies and pizza with Steve fake-third-wheeling, you made sure Eddie knew that the fake-date was actually happening, that the two of you would go out for drinks this weekend as your first official practice date.
After giving it a bit of thought, you realized that you and Eddie had never hung out alone. In your feeble attempts at flirting with him all those months ago you had invited him to have movie nights or grab a bite to eat, but he always showed up with Steve and or Robin in tow.
As the night of the fake-date rolled around, you’d be embarrassed to admit it to him, or Steve, who didn’t care to hide how skeptical he was about this whole idea, that you went through your normal pre-date routine. You took some extra time on your hair and makeup, exfoliated in the shower, chose an outfit you felt confident in, added a few spritz of perfume for good measure too.
Eddie rolled up in his van, only a few minutes late, but a few minutes was very impressive compared to his typical chronic tardiness. The two of you agreed to just grab some food and drinks at your usual spot, considering you and Steve openly agreed that it would be a good first date spot in theory.
“Hey,” he reaches across the center console to pop the door open for you, “you look nice.”
It took you a second to register as you settled into the passenger seat, and then whip around with your arm outstretched to give him a high five. He scrunches his face at you.
“High five me Eddie, that was really good! I know you usually open the door for me anyways, but the compliment right away, A+,” you flop your hand down to gently slap his, still gripping the steering wheel.
“Don’t patronize me, y/n,” deep down he knew you weren’t trying to talk down to him, and deep down he hadn’t even given complimenting you a second thought, he really did think you looked great in your date get-up.
On the ride over to the bar, the two of you discuss some logistics. Considering all of this is just practice dating, you don’t expect Eddie to pay for you, but you explain that in theory if he had been the one to ask you out then he should be the one to pay for the first date.
“To me it’s less of a gender thing and more of a who asked out who thing, but I know some people would abide to the stereotypical ‘the man always pays’ standard, which is why you’d just have to be honest on date like two or three about what you enjoy doing and what sorts of things are in your budget. You can still have fun and be thoughtful without spending a lot of money.”
He asked a few questions, like if he should have gotten you flowers for a first date, or what he should do if someone asks to go to a fancy restaurant that he surely couldn’t afford. You tried your best to give solid advice, but always reminded him that every person is different and every relationship is different, so all he can do is be honest.
You take up a spot at the bar and both order for yourselves, splitting some fries and slipping into some easy conversation.
“Am I supposed to, like, beat someone up if a guy tries hitting on you in front of me or something like that?” you nearly choke on your drink at his question.
“Eddie, no,” you answer, also questioning, “why the hell would you ask me that?”
“I don’t know,” he shrugged, “My buddy Jeff was with his girlfriend at this punk show before they were even together, and some guy made a creepy comment to Amanda and Jeff just decked the guy in the face. He say’s that’s what made her want to date him, cuz he defended her honor or whatever.”
“I guess that’s sort of circumstantial, but I prefer my dates to not engage in any sort of violence,” you sip your drink, “even if it’s for my honor. I’d like your face a lot less if you were all bruised up.”
“Well I never said I would get hit,” the two of you were laughing a bit now.
Over a few cocktails you went over some first date etiquette with him. PDA and being touchy, how to follow her lead and gauge if she’s the type who wants everyone at the bar to know you’re together, or keep it strictly platonic to start. How far of a grip on the leg is too far up, that sort of thing.
“So if she does something like this,” you fake laugh a bit too loud and, lean into his personal space, and then run your hand from his slender down his arm, “that doesn’t necessarily mean she wants to fuck you, but it’s pretty close. You’ve at least got a green flag to get a little closer to her, tell her she looks nice, maybe offer to buy her a drink.”
“I know how to tell if someone finds me attractive, y/n, I’m not stupid,” he said casually, “obviously that girl the other night was hitting on me, I’m not blind. I wasn’t going to ask to buy her a drink or try and get lucky in the bathroom because I was out with my friends. I can find a quick fuck in a bar on my own time. I was having fun with you guys, I wasn’t going to abandon all of you to talk to some stranger, even if she was hot.”
“Oh,” you processed his comment, “Steve would be happy to know he ranks above tube-top girl.”
“Steve would be happy to be above tube-top girl in any context,” he jokes.
“You really just find random girls in bars to fuck?” You question, not in any sort of judgmental way, just curious.
“Not specifically, I guess I did make myself sound like some serial bar-bathroom type of guy. I never really had girls interested in me when I was in high school, at least the first four years of it. Then when we started playing regular gigs at The Hideout it was a little easier to find girls who were interested, but it was always that they were more into fucking some guy who could play guitar and was in a band, so it usually just always happened on-site, probably cuz they had an actual boyfriend or husband to go home to. Girls think I’m fun. Which isn’t untrue, I do enjoy a romp in the Hideout bathroom, or the back of my van, or wherever we end up.”
“So that’s what all those blankets are back there for,” you say with a fake scowl, referring to his van set-up.
“Not exclusively! They make a cozy nest for smoking blunts and listening to tapes too!”
You return to your drink, trying not to think too hard about the girls that Eddie brings to bar bathrooms or his van or wherever.
“I just find the energy of those situations very different from like, talking and getting to know someone. Fucking is easy. I’m not interested in ruining that by adding emotions and the looming feeling like sex is contingent on me acting a certain way or checking a certain number of boxes for someone.”
He shrugged, and you could understand where he was coming from, sometimes a quick fuck or hookup could be cathartic and easy. But it also saddened you to think that Eddie believed he had to get in and out before the person on the other end got the chance to know him.
Moving away from the subject of his inability to be emotionally vulnerable, the two of you practice some cheesy ‘first date’ questions as you had called them. As your drinks started to settle into your system you were having more fun being silly with him, pretending to be a stranger on a first date.
“When’s your birthday?” You ask, twirling your drink straw with your finger and making some fake flirty eyes at him to accentuate the facade of asking him a bunch of questions you mostly knew the answers to.
“August 9th,” he flips his hair over his shoulder, joining in on your fake ostentatious flirting.
“Oh my gosh, a Leo! This will never work out, cuz I’m an asparagus…”
The two of you nearly fall out of your bar stools laughing, realizing you meant to say Sagittarius.
“Okay, let’s get you home Asparagus,” he helped you up, having kept his drinking to a minimum so he could drive you home.
“Wait, wait,” you grabbed his arm as the two of you exited the bar, “can we go back to your trailer?”
He raised an eyebrow at you, “that’s a little presumptuous for a first date missy.”
“No, no, this isn’t girlfriend y/n asking, just regular friend y/n, who thinks it would be a lot of fun to smoke and watch a movie without Steve there spewing all his annoying fun facts, like, we get it, you read the little insert inside the tape while you were bored at work!”
Eddie did agree that the idea of packing a bowl and watching a few movies with you didn’t sound too different from what his plans would have been otherwise, so he agreed, as long as you promised not to give him any dating advice while hanging out as friend y/n and not girlfriend y/n.
Although you promised to try your best, you immediately started lecturing him on t-shirt borrowing and the potential weight that could hold in a relationship when he offered to give you some more comfy clothes to change into.
“It’s important to know!” You emerged from the bathroom in one of his oversized shirts and a pair of boxers, “Some girls are very touchy about it. Any shirt you lend her to sleep in, you have to be willing to sacrifice for life.”
“For life?!” Eddie finishes making a bowl of popcorn for the two of you, swallowing his words when he sees you in his clothes, an unidentifiable emotion rising in him at the sight of you so cozy and integrated into his space.
“Well maybe not life,” you plop down onto the couch, “but do NOT ask for it back. Most girls will give it back once it stops smelling like you.”
“If she gets my shirt, can I have her underwear?” He asked without thinking, the weed he had just smoked with you hitting him a bit too hard in that moment.
“Oh my god,” you squeal and bury your face into a pillow, “la la la la, pretending like I didn’t hear that!”
“I’m just saying!” He laughs at you, now curled up into a ball, “fair is fair, right?”
“I guess it depends on the girl,” you mumble.
“So I’m guessing not you, by your reaction.”
“Eddie!” You smack him with a pillow, “I don’t know, no one’s ever asked!”
“If my girlfriend isn’t going to ask before stealing my shirt for an indefinite amount of time, I think that gives me panty privilege.”
“Wow Eddie, if I had known you were such a perv I would’ve reconsidered being your fake girlfriend,” you say sarcastically, with no real judgement behind it. The idea of him wanting to steal your underwear dampens them ever so slightly.
“Don’t worry babe, I won’t do anything pervy to you unless you ask nicely,” he shoots a wink at you, which you meet with an eye roll and a turn away to hopefully hide the heat rising in your cheeks.
The two of you carry out your platonic movie night as planned. You suppressed any urge to note on his actions from a romantic lens, and he ignored the itching desire to sling his arm around your shoulder or pull your legs into his lap to get more comfy on the couch.
“Can I sleep here Eddie,” you ask after movie two, “too sleepy to move.”
“Sure, I can take the couch and you can have my bed. It’s been a minute since I washed the sheets but it shouldn’t be too bad…”
“Nonono,” you mumble, “Your legs will totally hang right off the end of this thing. I’m conked out anyways, I can crash right here I promise.”
“Ignoring that you’re my fake girlfriend, I’m not letting you sleep out here on this lumpy thing. You’re taking the bed, no arguments.”
He helps you up from the couch, letting you keep the blanket that’s wrapped around you, snaking his arm underneath it and pulling you from the couch by your lower back. You were slightly taken aback by his assistance, body still limp from your relaxed state, your torso easily arching into his. Your arms fly up to grab his shoulders, steadying yourself with an awkward giggle.
“In the real world, a time like this would be good for a first kiss,” you make note of your closeness, the way he swept you up off the couch and held you steadily as you made your way to your feet.
“I know that, y/n,” his face was closer to yours than it had ever been, making your words hitch in your throat.
“Well, I’m just saying,” you turn your head to avoid the tension, “I’m sure the way you kiss your bar-hookups isn’t the way most girls who’re looking to date you long term want to be kissed for the first time.”
‘Oh yeah? And how do you presume that goes?” He kept his hand planted on your lower back.
You pretend to act wildly drunk, throwing yourself at him and letting your limbs go a bit heavier than they already were. “Ohmygod guitar man, I’ve had like, six dirty Shirleys, please finger bang me in the bathroom,” you slur your words and let your tongue loll out the side of your mouth as if to lean in for the world’s sloppiest and most uncoordinated kiss.
“First of all,” his voice was very serious, “I don’t hook up with girls who are too inebriated to stand, let’s get that straight. As a matter of fact, I wouldn’t even have our first fake kiss like this on account of the drinking and smoking, gotta make sure you’re in the right headspace. Secondly,”
He spins you around and quickly backs you up against the wall that stood a few feet behind the couch. His hand sliding up in between your shoulder blades, blanket now slumped around your waist, his other hand suavely cupping the side of your cheek, His hips angled into yours, pinning you back against the vinyl, almost collapsing back into it.
He pressed against you, not aggressively, but enough to let you know that if you were to try and squirm away he had the capacity to keep you right where he wanted you. He accomplished this all in one elegant motion, leaving you a bit dazed.
As you started to snap into reality, he moves his hand from your cheek down to grab your chin in between his thumb and the knuckle of his pointer, angling your face directly up at him.
“If you were some girl in a bar, it would be like this.”
The moment before your brain turned to absolute mush, you silently cringed at the thought of what you must look like, mouth hanging open, eyes glassed over, body instinctively sinking into his touch. Pathetic, you were sure of it.
Sure, Eddie did think you looked a little helpless, but he also thought you looked perfect. Exactly as he had imagined you to in this situation. Of course he had thought about you before, like that.
Of course he had felt an immediate spark with you when you had first met. But he never flirted back, or lead you on, because as much as he was attracted to you and enjoyed your company, he knew that it wouldn’t work out. He wasn’t relationship material, and you were the picture perfect girlfriend that he didn’t deserve.
He spoke directly into your parted lips, mouth hovering just far enough away to toe the line of ‘holy shit, is he going to?’ But no, as he made very clear, he wouldn’t kiss you under these conditions. He had made his point, and slowly backed off and let you find your footing.
As soon as he was sure that you were steady, he backed away and started down the hallway.
“I might have an extra toothbrush stashed away somewhere, let me look…” he ducked into the bathroom, leaving you stunned in the kitchen, head swimming and your stomach traveled up into your throat.
He was teasing you, he must be. That was his little way of getting back at you for thinking you could give him dating advice. If he was unsure about his capacity for romance, he was going to make sure you knew he was more than capable in other ways. Understood.
You shook your head, weeding through your inner monologue of how he could possibly look at you like that and then just walk away. Your shock gave him just long enough for you to to not notice him splashing cold water on his face in the bathroom while he “looked for a toothbrush.”
The two of you decided to ignore the lingering tension from the events in the kitchen, not a peep of fake-girlfriend talk from you for the rest of the night. He did find you that toothbrush, and the two of you moved through a too-easy domestic routine of getting ready for bed.
You told him that you wouldn’t be able to sleep if you knew he was cramped on that couch, and that you were fine with sharing a bed. You mumbled something about getting around to bed sharing etiquette at some point anyways, and sleepily pulled him into being your little spoon.
Eddie lay there, trying not to twitch or fidget, relaxed as best he could into your cuddled form thinking about how horrible of an idea all of this was. He was convinced all it would take is roughly ten more minutes of you burying your face into his hair and making cute little sleepy noises for him to fall irreversibly in love with you.
But what was he supposed to do? Move and wake you up? Never.
You rolled around enough in the night to wake up in a less intimate position than when you had fallen asleep. You knew Eddie was a deep sleeper, and took it upon yourself to creep out of bed and back into your day clothes, make a pot of coffee, and watc a bit of TV before he roused and joined you in the living room.
“Why didn’t you wake me?” He rubbed the crust from his eyes and was pleasantly surprised to see you had brewed a whole pot of coffee to share.
“You looked so peaceful and cozy,” he shook his head at you, as if that was no excuse for letting him sleep an extra forty minutes.
After a slow morning, he agrees to drive you home.
“So this is the part where I say ‘Eddie, I had such a wonderful time on our date. I’d love to do it again sometime.’ And then you agree and tell me when you’re free. It’s best to be super direct and make plans to get together again soon, cuz then it’s not an awkward who’s-gonna-call-who-first sort of thing.”
“Uh-huh…” he stares at you blankly.
“But for our sake, let’s just agree that I’m in charge of planning our next date. Okay? I’ll do it from the perspective of what I think most girls would enjoy, so you can steal it for the future. I’ll call you later.”
You hop out of his van before he can agree, and leave him with a “Thanks for letting me stay over!” As you bound away from his view.
He squeezed his eyes shut the moment he caught himself checking your ass out as you walked away, and let his head rest down on the steering wheel. He was fucked. How the hell was he supposed to tell you that you needed to stop being his fake girlfriend without disrupting the homeostasis of your friendship?
On one hand he could lie and say he doesn’t want your advice, making you think he didn’t enjoy your company, which was entirely untrue. On the other hand he could tell you the truth, and you would never be friends the same way again.
He drove home with the music too loud, and patiently awaited your call later that evening to iron out the details of your second fake-date.
Per your instructions, he let you pick him up this time with the argument that you were the one taking him out this time. He didn’t know what you had planned, but let himself fall to the mercy of whatever you had decided was an exemplary date fore him to ‘steal in the future’.
You picked up two coffees and rolled up to the trailer park, popping a mix-tape he had made you ages ago.
“Hey, I thought we said no paying for each other with fake-dating,” he objects to the coffee sat in the passenger cupholder, some abomination of mostly cream and sugar, the way you know he likes it.
“Yes, that’s true, but you smoked me up the other night, and this coffee was like a dollar fifty, so don’t worry about it,” you give him a look that tells him to drink the damn coffee and not sass back, to which he complies, even though he smokes you up expecting nothing in return about every other weekend.
The two of you sip away and listen to Eddies ‘must-know-to-be-my-friend’ mixtape and arrive shortly at the strip mall across town. This was a regular weekly stop for both of you, the strip of connected stores containing the Goodwill, a pet store, the pharmacy, and grocery. A pretty mundane collection.
“Okay, what are we doing at Greg’s?” Eddie gestures to the grocery store, the back of his mind running through the grocery list he’s been making for this week anyways.
“What’s the perfect date?” You ask, and answer for him, “a romantic picnic. But gathering supplies is half the fun. Picnic food supplies at Greg’s, some pills to get fucked up at the pharm, some turtles or something to let loose into the wild from the pet store, and then hats, cups, blanket, etcetera from the Goodwill.”
He turns to you with the most bewildered stare, which sends you into a fit of giggles.
“Okay, I’m joking about the pills and the turtles,” you nudge his arm, “but won’t it be sweet to get together some picnic supplies and then drive out to lookout point? We can still swing by the pet store to check out the ferrets though.”
To Eddie, the idea of a date involved him doing something he didn’t want to do, some awkward small talk, and spending money on shit he truly thought was useless. This didn’t sound half bad. You would “work backwards so the food purchases come last” according to your reasoning, and he followed you in tow without any arguments into the Goodwill.
“So I’m thinking…” you start to wander into the aisles of used clothes and knick knacks, “maybe a blanket? A basket would be sort of corny, but if we find one for cheap I don’t see why not. Surely two glasses for drinking, and maybe some sun hats?”
Swiveling back around to see a half stunned Eddie, who was still processing how in the hell this was your idea of a romantic date, you grab his hand and pull him to the bric-a-brac section.
After it got through his thick skull that the same place he had uncomfortably tried on new pants throughout his growth spurt, and picked up his daily-worn leather jacket, had the same potential to provide some silly, cheap, used items to add some flair to this picnic.
Silly and cheap was right up Eddie’s alley. The two of you picked out mismatched champagne glasses, one with the engraved name of a couple who got married in 1943 and the other a flashy rose color with baby angel carvings dancing around the sides.
You luckily find an on sale beach blanket, and the two of you pick out some very goofy sun hats. A floppy farmers hat for you, and a bedazzled trucker hat spelling ‘hot mama’ for Eddie.
Through the midst of your giggles and debate on whether you should buy a wooden bench to bring out to your picnic destination, Eddie found himself having a really good time with you.
As promised, you visited the pet store and checked out the ferrets and fish and geckos.
“If you could have any pet, what would you want?” You asked him, noses pressed against the chinchilla enclosure.
“Jaguar,” he said, a little too quickly.
“For real, dummy,” you knock your hip into his.
“I don’t know, we never had enough space or extra money for pets growing up, so maybe someday if I had enough room for it to run around I’d like a dog or something,” he tells. Eyes still transfixed on the chinchilla behind the glass.
“I can see that,” you imagine Eddie with some mutt from the shelter, wrestling around and giving it lots of scratches behind the ears.
Skipping the pharmacy, you pop into the grocery store and assemble what may be the world’s most eclectic picnic.
“That’s the definition of a picnic, I’m pretty sure,” you explain after Eddie insinuated that the gingersnap cookies you grabbed, along with grapes and a block of cheese, wasn’t exactly a meal, “you know, just a smorgasbord of whatever we want!”
Admittedly, Eddie had considered a handful of pretzels and a beer to be dinner on more than one occasion, so he couldn’t argue with you. Quickly catching your drift, the two of you picked out an assortment of snacks and some ingredients for pb&j sandwiches.
“I thought picnics were supposed to be classy?” Eddie holds up the Wonder bread and bag of potato chips with a look that suggested his question was rhetorical.
Your response was simply to raise the, admittedly cheap, bottle of champagne you grabbed to accompany with your meal, more for the irony of drinking the bubbly liquid out of your new used glasses with your sticky sandwiches than anything else.
You pack your supplies into a tote bag, not having found a suitable basket at the thrift store, and drive across town to a dirt paved road that leads to a nice lookout point with a view of the lake.
“Let’s walk down the path a little bit, but not too far,” you grab the blanket and tote bag from your trunk, motioning for Eddie to put on his ‘hot mama’ hat and carry your other auxiliary supplies, “I do not fuck with bugs.”
“I’ll protect you,” Eddie puffs out his chest, making you both giggle.
“From bugs?”
“Yeah, I’ll punch a mosquito right in the face, to defend your honor and all that.”
“I know I told you not to do that, but a mosquito might be the exception to the rule.”
You found a nice little clearing not far from the car, a spot that still had a nice view but was a bit more secluded. Eddie sat pressed right up next to you, making your sandwich ‘to be a proper gentleman’ but simultaneously spilling a glob of jelly onto your leg.
“Shit,” he doesn’t think twice before leaning down and slurping the grape flavored blob off of your bare knee, tongue poking out and licking the spilt jelly from your skin.
“Eddie!” You squirm away, barking out a surprised laugh.
“What! Your knee is clean, wouldn’t want to waste perfectly good preserves, or a napkin.”
You feel your skin tingle where his lips had touched you, for only a moment, but you still felt it. He was so confident and casual in his movements, not having any hesitation to grab your hand or brush your hair out of your face. It wasn’t under the guise of fake romance, he had always been like that. Not touchy, per se, just sure of himself. You’d never seen Eddie do anything half assed, that’s for certain.
After the conversation you shared the other night, you were unable to stop your mind from wandering to thoughts of what Eddie does with those girls in bars, if he touched him with the same confidence and sureness he put into everything else he did.
It was wrong to let your mind go to such dirty places about someone you considered a friend, but you couldn’t manage to feel any guilt. He had offered that information freely, so who were you to punish yourself for staring a little longer at his fingers, conjuring up the context in which he’d bury them inside you against some grimy bar bathroom.
The date was all peanut butter smiles and bubbly laughter that floated up into the trees. Silly, yes, but neither of you could deny there was something sweet, maybe even romantic about it. A cheap meal in the woods shared between two friends in ill-fitting fifty cent hats, but an undeniable touch of romance lingered nonetheless.
Eddie started to realize that maybe the whole dating thing wasn’t as uptight and scary as he had initially thought. It could be easy and fun, with the right person. And fuck, if he could even imagine doing this with anyone but you.
Like most things Eddie did, he did not consider any potential consequences before acting. You looked so pretty sitting there in the sunshine, sipping from your cheap ‘Martha & Dave ’43’ glass, a few sandwich crumbs dotting the corner of your mouth.
What else was he supposed to do other than lean over and wipe them away with his thumb, stroking your soft cheek and feel the warmth of your skin beneath his palm.
“You had some,” he uses his other hand to motion at his own mouth, “and I suppose this is the sort of moment where I’d ask if I can kiss you.”
You find yourself a bit dumbfounded, his big stupid hand on your cheek and those big stupid puppy dog eyes unrelenting in making everything he says seem so genuine.
“Are you?” You find your voice, only half embarrassed at how shy it comes out.
“Am I what?”
“Are you asking me?”
“Yeah,” his answer comes out in a way that insinuates that he never meant anything other than that, that he was always asking to kiss you, he wasn’t asking in theory, in another universe, in the context of advice.
“Okay,” you found yourself behaving like Eddie, not really thinking of consequences before your words and actions spoke on behalf of your instincts.
Everything so far had been so easy. Your fake first date at the bar, curling up next to him in a haze, making up stories about what sort of people donated the fake palm tree or the Garfield mug at the Goodwill, imagining Eddie running around a yard with a puppy, lounging in the grass and eating your assorted picnic snacks. It was all effortless.
Suddenly, being kissed by Eddie sucked the ease from your lungs and sent your mind spiraling into a cacophony of bells and whistles and giant swirling red flags. If this is how he kissed you, casually across some half eaten peanut butter sandwiches, you’d spend the rest of your days yearning to know how he kissed someone with true intention.
Of course, his intentions were all there, but the lingering knowledge that all of this was happening under the umbrella of “you giving him advice” or “helping practice for the next girl” poisoned any true feeling he poured into it. He cupped your cheek, soft, let his lips press into yours delicately for a moment before he felt your breath hitch, opening his mouth just enough to deepen the kiss and capture your lower lip fully.
He was more careful, gentle, methodic with his movements and so receptive to every little signal your body gave him, it was unlike any first-kiss, heat-of-the-moment-kiss, in-the-throws-of-passion-kiss, any of it. Like hell you’d ever tell him that, inflate that big ego that fuels his snippy comebacks at you, but Jesus, was it remarkable.
While at war with yourself internally, your heart was on the precipice of exploding in your chest from the way he snaked his hand into your hair and pressed his forehead against yours to catch a breath. You suck in a sharp breath and feel that stupid cocky smirk creep up onto that pretty mouth of his.
“’S that sufficient for a first kiss?”
“Fuck offfff,” you were still a little out of breath, smacking his chest and flopping back down onto the picnic blanket, throwing your arms up and rolling your eyes at him, “if you’re so damn confident, maybe we just should fake break up, cuz you don’t seem like you need my advice.”
“Nooooo,”he slumps down next to you, burrowing his head under your arm so he can pop up right next to your face, “I’m learning a lot, I promise! This date was so fun, and cheap! I would have never thought any of this could be remotely romantic. I’m hopeless, y/n, look at me.”
He wriggles around and gives you a big fake pout, “If left to my own devices I would probably do something horribly embarrassing or off-putting, like…” he digs his head into the crook of your neck and blew a fat, wet raspberry right into your skin, making you yelp and squeal, but his position half on top of you pins you down.
“See!” He pulls up for air, you were in a fit of screaming giggles, “I’d go right in for a kiss and just,” and he does it again, leaving you gasping for air, trying your best to tickle his ribs to get him off of you, but not minding the close contact by any means.
“Now I’m not so sure,” he pulls back to give you a minute to catch your breath, “it seems like you enjoyed that, so maybe survey says I should pull that move on the ladies.”
Your airy laughter subsided, but he stays half pinning you down to the blanket and the lumpy grass underneath.
“I didn’t mean to give you the impression that I’m not grateful for your help,” he says earnestly, catching your gaze, “it’s just… this isn’t what I need help with.”
As his statement is processing, you find his lips back on yours, his torso pressed flushed with yours and his wild mane of hair coming down to curtain around your head. He doesn’t take it too far, but kisses you as earnestly as he had before, giving your lip a slight drag with his teeth and running his hand up from your hip up the side of your ribcage, leaving you arching slightly into him by pure instinct.
Before your head got too dizzy again, before you could really throw yourself into it and say fuck it and kiss him back the way you secretly wanted to, he pulled back.
“That.” his voice was even, you hated how needy you felt and how even keeled he could be milliseconds after stealing the air from your lungs, “It’s the rest of it,” he threw his hands up and gestured to all the food and knock knacks around you, “it’s this stuff that you make seem so easy, so forgive me if I lay it on a little thick when we get to the parts I’m actually good at.”
“Just,” you sat up a bit, grounding yourself and formulating a response despite your brain looping the past twenty seconds back infinitely, “don’t do that again.”
“Okay,” he sat back and popped a grape into his mouth, “sorry.”
“Don’t apologize,” you knocked his knee with yours, struggling to articulate how you felt without showing too much of your hand, deciding to just be candid, “I just- I liked that a little too much if you know what I mean. And this is strictly business, or education, maybe?”
“You liked it when I pinned you against the wall the other night,” he said matter of factly, “I think you liked that a little too much too, and you still took me on this fake educational business date.”
“Yeah, well, you caught me,” you threw your hands up in defense.
“Which one is it though?” He asks and you don’t quite understand, “are you a sweet kiss on the picnic kind of girl, or an up against the wall kind of girl?”
“That’s none of your business, as far as fake-dating is concerned,” you say a little too quickly, “and no you can’t have my panties.”
You say it with a smirk, but he doesn’t press any further. He turns and does that Eddie-thing he’s so good at, just changing the subject and shifting the vibe completely away from what might have been a stale moment or awkward pause. He starts asking if you like green or purple grapes better, going off about how he used to put them in the freezer as a kid.
The remainder of your date went without a hitch, of course. You picked away at your picnic until the sun started to set, and once the sky started turning purple you made your way back to the car. The drive home consisted only of easy conversation and no further mention of the kiss, well, kisses that had transpired. He hopped out of the passenger seat with a ‘thank you’ and a ‘see ya later alligator.’
A scalding hot shower, a restless night of sleep, and too many cups of herbal tea the next morning did nothing to quell the noise in your head that blasted those moments over and over. You couldn’t stop picking apart whether he had thought about it for even a millisecond, and felt embarrassed that you could think of nothing else.
It was simply an amplified version of what your whole friendship had been up until this point. You silently admiring him and wishing he would look at you the way you looked at him, and settling for friendship over heartbreak.
Pushing it aside to the best of your ability allowed you to get through your week, but you had the lingering feeling that the next time you saw him would strike you with warm cheeks and a scrambled mental state.
Guilt had started to seep in at the corners of your mind, but you reminded yourself that you shouldn’t punish yourself for having romantic or sexual thoughts about someone you simply found attractive and compelling, it was your actions that would determine the validity of your guilt.
“Long time no see, loser,” Robin hollered from the pool table across the bar, where she was likely kicking Steve’s ass.
“Yeah, yeah, sorry,” you shrug off your coat and plop down at their regular booth, knowing her jabs were entirely empty. You notice Eddie’s leather jacket hung up by the wall, and scan the bar to find him ordering a drink.
There was a silent mutual understanding that you’d keep the fake dating thing to a bare minimum when out with your friends like this. Even though Steve was well aware, and therefore Robin was too, you figured tainting your social time with the performance of romance is the exact reason Eddie turned down the girl at the bar in the first place.
“For the lady,” Eddie waltzes over and hands you a drink.
“Oh, thanks,” you take it with a confused smile, “you didn’t have to do that.”
“You bought me coffee last weekend,” he sat across the booth from you, “plus I’m trying to get better at buying drinks for pretty girls, right?”
You remind him that he doesn’t have to keep tabs on things like coffee, but you appreciate the gesture regardless. As per the past few times you’d been out with your friends, you expected him to put a pause on the flirting, but it seems to be bubbling over tonight. You weren’t complaining, but admittedly the arm around your shoulder or the noticeable way he checked you out when you got up to refill your drink took you by slight surprise.
Sneaking in to claim the always occupied dart board for a challenge against Eddie while he uses the restroom, you keep your eyes on the corner of the bar to signal him over once he returns.
“You need a partner?” A man suddenly appears behind you, a little closer than you’d like but the bar was crowded, so you’ll let it slide.
“Oh, I was just waiting for-“
“Let me fill in until your friend gets here, we can get you warmed up, yeah?” His tone wasn’t too pushy, but you didn’t love the look he gave you when making that comment.
Awkwardly staggering for a second, unsure weather to just agree or tell him to fuck off, “He really should be just a minute-“
“Or maybe less,” Eddie comes up right behind you and pulls you possessively into his side.
Your head whips up to see him with a devilish smile, his hand on your waist and the fire behind his eyes telling his guy to get lost.
“Oh, sorry man,” the guy starts backing away with an apologetic look.
“Yeah, better luck next time, pal,” Eddie snakes around to take the guy’s spot in front of the dart board.
He had his darts in hand and took his stance to start the match, gesturing for you to do the same.
“What was that,” you ask with a slight joking tone, but seriously curious.
“What?” He doesn’t make eye contact and instead throws the first dart, “I’m not allowed to get fake jealous?”
“You’re allowed to feel any fake emotion you want, I guess,” your tone is somewhere in between a joke and a question.
“You’d feel fake jealous if I was getting blown in the bathroom by some chick rather than playing darts with you, I bet.”
“Okay,” your tone shifts to defensive, “getting blown is very different than some guy asking to play darts with me.”
“I didn’t like the way he was looking at you,” Eddie turns to face you, having thrown all his darts, “for real.”
A moment lapsed where you didn’t register that your mouth was hanging open in disbelief, the look in your eyes Eddie immediately clocked as lust and bottled up to store away for a later time.
“I knew the scary dog thing would work,” his ‘i-told-you-so’ tone rubbed you the wrong way, but he wasn’t wrong, “you said girls weren’t into that, but you totally looooove that I defended your honor.”
“Don’t give yourself too much credit, I said girls wouldn’t be into it if you punched him,” you rolled your eyes.
“I don’t know, babe, I think you liked the whole ‘back off of my woman’ act.”
You mumble out a ‘whatever’ and let him have this win, which he was clearly reveling in, trying to focus instead at beating him at darts.
“Just don’t pull shit like that on a first date, acting too possessive off the bat is a huge red flag for a lot of women.”
“I thought we weren’t doing dating advice tonight?” You don’t even have to look at him to know he’s got that stupid sarcastic smile.
“Yeah I thought so too,” you fail at your attempt to beat him in darts, as well as your attempt to not flirt back with him.
He insists on collecting all the darts, picking up the ones haphazardly strews across the floor from failed attempts to hit the board.
“I’m no pro or anything, but I think you’d hit the board a lot more if you fixed your stance.”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” you flip him the bird and take back your red tipped darts.
As you steady your arm to aim your first shot he comes up behind you and grabs your hips, causing you to let out an unexpected squeak. He adjusts your stance, not aggressively, but with some force, twisting your hips and using his big combat boot to sweep your foot around so you stood more sideways.
“You’re standing straight on,” he backs up, allowing you to secretly catch your breath, “and all your shots are veering to the right. If you plant your feet more angled you’ll hit the board.”
You wanted to roll your eyes at him, miss on purpose to show him he’s full of shit. You flippantly toss the dart, not trying particularly hard, and it hits. Not a bulls-eye or anything like that, but a lot closer than your previous attempts had been.
“Good girl,” he comments, leaning in to breech your personal space just enough to make your blood boil.
You drop the remainder of the darts in your opposite hand onto the floor and whip around to face him, half jokingly smacking him on the shoulder.
“Oh my god, fuck off!”
You’re met with his trademark shit-eating grin.
Truthfully, Eddie hadn’t been able to keep his eyes off you all night. He’d spent the night after your picnic date with his hand in bis boxers, squeezing his eyes shut and remembering the little gasp you had made when he grabbed your waist, the hum in your throat that bubbled up when he kissed you pinned against the blanket, that night and every night since.
“Oh, you don’t like that?” that joking tone he uses to cover up what he actually wants to say.
“Shut up, you know I do,” you didn’t even try to stifle your reaction, knowing it was his intent to get under your skin.
“How would I possibly know that,” he playfully looks up at the ceiling and around the bar, hands clasped behind his back now, rocking back and forth on his heels.
“You better cut that shit out, unless you plan on doing something about it,” you manage the most assertive tone your wobbly insides could muster, a little shocked at yourself for actually saying what you were thinking.
“I’m not much of a planner,” he gracefully takes a stance next to you and rips all three darts, not great shots, but all hitting the board, “I’m more of a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of guy, you know that.”
“Well your pants better make up their mind if you’re playing boyfriend tonight or not,” your insinuation was heavy but you had fumbled your hand, and he had already seen all your cards at this point, so there was no reason to bluff.
“The real question is,” he leans in, his imposing figure crowding your space in a way that made your head spin, “do you want me to play boyfriend? Or do you want me to play guy who fucks your brains out in the bar bathroom?”
Your eyebrows pinched together for a millisecond, and before he could decipher your expression you grabbed his hand and started storming through the crowds hoarded by the bar. Why the hell a seedy downtown bar has a single stall family bathroom with a changing table is beyond you, but you drag him inside and slam the lock down behind you.
“You’re not allowed to treat me any differently after this,” you start to fall into the sinkhole of oh my god what the hell is about to happen, but are cut off by him pressing you against the closed door the exact way he had handled you against his kitchen wall that night weeks ago.
“Not unless you want me to,” he doesn’t hesitate to get his mouth on yours, immediately pulling your mind from wondering what the vague sticky substance on the door pressing into your back could be.
“I mean, you’re not allowed to fuck me and then never talk to me again,” you say in between moving lips and tongues, giving him a moment to bury his face in your neck, "Promise me."
“Oh don’t worry about that,” he pulls back, “we can go get coffee tomorrow and you can give me a full performance review. Promise.”
Your annoyed eye roll quickly turns into them fluttering shut as he licks a stripe up to the junction behind your ear that has you melted into a boneless puddle between his pressing hips and the door. He drags his teeth across your lobe while leaning into you with a black denim clad thigh.
“Why don’t we make a deal,” you let out, voice breathy and unfocused. Before he can even pull back to reply you continue, “if you’re half as good at this as you claim to be, and can make me cum in this dingy bathroom, I’ll let you take me back to your trailer and you can do whatever the fuck you want to me.”
He was leaning in to seal the deal with a kiss before he could even process your request, because yes of course, a million times yes he’s taking this deal. Despite the rouse of you playing bar hookup for the night, and despite the idea of bringing you back to his place and finally doing what he’s wanted since the day he met you absolutely terrifying him, he nods and kisses you.
It’s electrifying. His confidence only spurs you on to kiss him harder, grip his hair a little tighter, say the things you would only imagine in the deepest parts of your mind. The feeling of his grin against your lower lip and his fingers quickly unbuttoning your jeans fuels your fire.
“You sure you know what you’re getting into,” he mumbles playfully, pulling you away from the wall with a gasp and leading you over to the tiny built in counter against a mirror by the sink.
“Well I’m certainly not letting you fuck me against any of these sticky surfaces,” you note as you’re lifted onto the counter covered in mystery substance, “and I think you need to earn it.”
Of course it was no surprise to you that Eddie was good with his fingers. You probably could have told anyone that long before this impromptu bathroom hookup. Egging him on and challenging him in a way you were sure he wasn’t used to was well worth abandoning your assumptions.
“Oh yeah? I think, if you’re lucky, I’ll earn it more times than you can count before the night’s over,” he positioned himself in between your legs, pressing your torso into the mirror behind you as he leaned in for another heated kiss.
He pulled your ass to the edge of the counter, and looped his thumbs into the waistband of your unbuttoned pants. You were quick to assume that he’d yank the fabric right off your legs, preparing to lift your ass from the counter to assist.
Eddie paused, pulled back and gave you a look that asked ‘you’re sure about this?’ and when a dreamy smile spread across your cheeks he melted into you with a kiss that turned your stomach inside out and made your pussy flutter.
He snakes a hand from its grip on your torso down into your unbuttoned pants. You arched up into his touch, wanting to urge him to get on with it and get your pants and underwear out of the way, but appreciating how much he seemed to be reveling in feeling you for the first time.
“So fuckin wet,” he mumbled against your lips, his fingers only feeling up your cunt from outside your underwear. He pressed the fabric into your slick center, following the path up to your clit and then teasingly back down to where your panties were soaked through.
“You weren’t lying when you said you liked this a little too much,” he’s rolling his hips ever so slightly against your spread thigh as he rubs your clothed pussy, his teeth sinking into your lower lip as he moves the material aside and sinks two fingers right into your wet cunt with ease.
You were sure that you’d retrospectively have a million quippy compacks that come to mind, but in this moment it was impossible to come up with words when his fingers were buried inside you, still, just letting you squeeze around them, and his hard cock straining against his jeans nestled against the inside of your thigh.
He slowly drags his finger’s up from your hole to your clit, and you let out a whine of desperation as he fully removes his hand from your damp underwear.
Before you can manage the breath to tell him to please, for the love of god, get on with it, he brings his fingers up to his lips and gives them a long suck, never breaking eye contact with you.
“Yeah,” he sighs out and presses his forehead against yours, “I might like that a little too much too.”
Protests and urging words catch in your throat as he yanks down your pants and underwear with one quick pull, not even needing you to lift your ass off the counter more than it already was. He was methodical and moved with intention, folding up your pants neatly and shoving your soaked panties into his back pocket, shooting you a wink.
“Eddie, please,” your overdue complaints are finally bubbling over. You hardly finish your plea before his face is buried in your neck, and his fingers are sliding right back into your needy hole.
The top of your head rests against the mirror behind you, exposing your neck and arching your back into his touch. He sucks and nips at the soft skin between your collar bone and ear, all while letting his two middle fingers pump slowly into you.
“Mmmm,” he mumbles into the crook of your jaw, “such a good girl for me, perfect pussy squeezing my fingers so tight, can’t fuckin wait to feel you soak my cock.”
Nearly orgasming at his words alone, your eyes flutter shut and you let out a moan of his name as he lets his thumb drag circles across your clit. “Eddie, please, just like that, I-”
“Oh, suddenly she’s not questioning my abilities?” he says with a biting smirk, “What was that about me not being half as good as I think I am?”
“Fuck,” you want to raise an eyebrow and shoot something back, hold out and make him work for it, but after hardly two minutes of his fingers rolling inside you, hooked up to drag along that perfect fucking spot, you had no choice but to feed his ego and let him win.
“You wanted to make your little deal,” he pumps a little faster, making your head loll to the side and mouth hang half open, “I’ll sweeten it for you, babe. I say we can get this pretty pussy to come twice all over my fingers before anyone even knocks on this door.”
“Yes,” is all you can squeak out, “yes, please.”
If Eddie was being honest, he was a few half-thrusts into your thigh short of coming in his own pants from how hot you looked. Your eyes glassed over, pretty lips parted and gasping his name, perfect cunt sucking his fingers in.
The hand not occupied by your gushing cunt slid up to cup the side of your cheek, forcing you to look into his fiery eyes. “Feel’s good?” he questions, knowing the answer and not expecting a verbal response.
He drags the pad of his thumb up to your parted lips, running it along your plush bottom lip and dragging it down a bit, relishing in how under his spell you were. His thumb slips into your mouth and you immediately wrap your lips around it and suck.
“Good girl,” his thumb on your clit is rubbing more focused circles, “suck on that and keep your voice down, don’t want the whole bar knowing what a good little slut you are for me.”
Jackpot.
A muffled moan around his thumb and the spasming of your inner walls signaled that you were hitting your peak. He drags the spit slicked digit from your lips and quickly replaces it with his lips and tongue, kissing you with fervor as he feels you ride out your orgasm on his hand.
“Mmmmmmm” you moan, somewhere between a pleading whine and a sigh of satisfaction into his lips as his fingers don’t let up.
Under different circumstances you would tell him to slow down, give you a minute to catch your breath. Eddie was stubborn, this you knew, and he had already made it abundantly clear that one orgasm wasn’t going to be enough.
He pulls back from your lips, loving the sharp intake of breath you swallow as your cheeks continue to flush and eyelids keep fluttering.
“So fucking good, came all over my fingers,” his gaze locks in on where his hand was buried into your cunt. “Gonna give me one more?”
Of course you would, whether it was up to you or not. He did slow up for a second, just enough for you to regain your grip on reality before he started curling them up again.
“Eddie,” you whine out, eyes nearly crossed and unable to focus your attention on his face, hands, anything other than his boner poking into your inner thigh, “wanna feel you.”
The hand formerly gripped tight onto the edge of the counter snakes forward and pulls his hip into you, a permanent indentation of his stiff cock molding against your skin.
“Not yet baby,” he rolls his hips forward, giving you a delicious feel of how it would be if he was inside you, but instead pushing his fingers a touch deeper and then pulling his hips away, “one more and then I’ll take you home. You’re gonna let me ruin that perfect little cunt, right? That was the deal?”
“Yes,” you gasp out, his other hand moving from your hair down to rub fast tight circles on your clit, the other hand still pumping steadily inside you.
“That’s right, I know this pussy is gonna take me so well. You’re already drooling for my cock, so fucking perfect.”
You feel it building up again, that sacred double orgasm that only ever came during your alone time in the shower or when you were so desperate for release that your hand didn’t stop after the first, but never with another person, never like this.
His smile nearly touched his ears at this point, pulling back to take in all of you as your eyes screwed shut and thighs threatened to break his wrist at how fast they snapped together.
Hitting you like a punch to the gut, your abdomen tightened and released rapidly, air sucked from your lungs and his hand working you through it between your clenched thighs.
Yeah, maybe this was a bad idea.
If you were in a cartoon, stars and chirping birds would be swirling around your head as you slowly came back to reality. He gave you some space, and begrudgingly gave you pack your panties after you hand out your hand and gave him a stern look.
“I’m gonna go tell the others that you aren’t feeling great and I’m taking you home,” he makes sure you’ve pulled your pants back up before unlocking the door, “Take your time, and I’ll meet you at the van, okay? I’ll grab your stuff.”
“Yeah,” you still feel a little flustered, looking back into the mirror and smoothing down your hair, “thanks.”
He shoots you a wink before slipping out, giving you a moment to collect yourself and splash some cold water on your face. Okay, so you’re doing this.
Any nagging feelings that this might ruin things or that he’s only teasing you because of your arrangement are quickly squished down into a deeper compartment of your brain, overtaken by the post orgasm bliss and wandering thoughts of what might happen next.
You peek your head out of the bathroom door, and slink your way to the back door without passing your group table or a stray Steve or Robin. The fresh air equalizes your buzzing thoughts, and you spot Eddie, already in the driver’s seat of his van.
“You good?” He asks as you hop into the passenger seat. You won’t let him have the upper hand, just because he made you come twice in under ten minutes.
“Yeah,” you gather as much assertion as your voice will project, “You good?”
“F’course,” he starts backing up, you internally roll your eyes at the way his outstretched arm muscles and curved neck make your stomach flutter, “Just wanted to make sure I passed the test.”
You sit in silence, not wanting to give into the cocky game he clearly wants to play, yet know that he’s entirely correct in his assumption that he’s driven you completely crazy. Once he’s on the main stretch of road, finally rolling to a stop at a red light you let your hand migrate across the center console, dancing its way into his lap.
As you hoped, his cock was still half hard and apparent underneath his jeans. You let your hand draw circles next to it, loving the little twitch you get when you run your nails against his thigh.
“Easy there, tiger,” he lets out a huffed laugh, with just an edge to his tone that suggested you were getting yourself into something you’d soon regret.
“C’mon Eds,” you let your head fall on the corner of the headrest, gaze angled over at his tight grip on the steering wheel while your hand dancing around the bulge in his pants, “you’ve been pushing this thing against my thigh for the past twenty minutes, forgive me for wanting a better feel.”
You put on a pretend pouty face and flash him your best puppy dog eyes to ward off any incoming snippy comments from him. He rolls his pretty eyes at you and silently bites the inside of his cheek as you feel up and down his lap, grazing his growing cock with each pass.
“Forgiven,” through gritted teeth, he squeezes his eyes shut as your fingers circle around his head, now taking visible form beneath his black jeans. He internally reprimands himself for losing focus on the road, and zeroes his concentration on getting back to his trailer as fast as this van can take him.
You have your fun watching him wiggle in his seat, feeling his thigh muscles clench under your palm every so often. You weren’t full on jerking him off over his pants, but you were certainly relishing in the feeling of his dick getting harder and harder with each occasional pass of your hand.
He parks diagonally across the lawn in front of his trailer, not giving a shit where the van ends up as long as it’s stopped. He wanted to dash around the vehicle and scoop you out of your seat, throw you over his shoulder and take you inside to continue with whatever this evening had in store for you.
The second his hand stalled on the clutch, shifting the van into park and taking a moment to let his mind wander to what would happen once he got you inside, you were already halfway out the van and skipping up the steps to his front door.
Entering his trailer, you start taking off your coat and shoes, trying to act as normal as possible. Your facade of keeping it cool entirely shatters when he enters behind you, calmly clicking the door shut and patiently waiting for you to finish unlacing your boots.
You remain crouched down, darting your eyes up at him, deciding against being a brat and undoing your laces as slowly as possible to keep him waiting. Any caution you had was long swept away by the wind, and he’d taken control in your little bathroom tryst, so it was your turn to say fuck it and just do what felt right.
And in this moment, there was only a few quick movements and about six inches of space between you and Eddie’s semi-hard dick. One shoe was only half off, haphazardly kicked behind you as you pivoted onto your knees and had your hands moving eagerly up his tensing thighs.
“Can I?” Your question was half formed and he was already nodding.
You’d teased him enough on the ride over, you wanted him, now. Pants quickly unbuttoned and blue checkered boxers pushed down to his knees, and you were about to go feral and just go for it when a silver glimmer adorning his thick cock caught your eye.
Your mouth was already half open, but your jaw nearly unhinged and hit the floor when the pierced head of his dick falls out of his boxers and lands at your eye level.
Unmoving, mouth agape, you look up to make eye contact, ripping your eyes away from the shock of two silver balls on his cockhead. He knew it was nice, he wouldn’t have bedazzled it if it wasn’t, but the look you were giving him sucked all the unwavering confidence from his body for a split second, suddenly feeling weak in the knees at the sight of you slowly sicking your tongue out, not making any contact but waiting.
He took the base of his dick in his hand and gave it a few precautionary strokes before angling it down and slapping your wet tongue with the tip a few times.
You were two and a half seconds away from being entirely fucked out. If he pulled away and asked you to crawl on all fours to him, you’d do it without a second thought.
You let him slide his cock gently against your outstretched tongue a few times before coming to your senses and wrapping your lips around him, moving your hand to replace his and move against the length that your mouth couldn’t yet reach.
All it took was a few steady bobs of your head, hand twisting and eyes still focused upwards on his face, to have him biting his knuckle and looking up at the ceiling to ground himself to try and not bust on the spot. You love this, of course, seeing him visibly spiral paired with the salty taste of precum already leaking from him.
The hand not jerking him off comes up to the back of his hip, gently pushing against him in tandem with the movements of your head, encouraging him to shallowly thrust into your mouth.
“Jesus fu-“ he grunts out, not wanting to overestimate your encouragement, but unable to keep his hips from rolling forward slightly with the push of your hands and the bob of your lips.
After an unexpected snap of his hips that sent his cock sliding into the back of your throat, making you gag slightly, a pang of guilt struck through him for pushing too hard. That was, until you let your head pull back a touch to catch your breath, but a long string of spit connected your lips to his cock, and a wild smile broke across your face that nearly sent him to the moon.
You dove back in and pushed his cock all the way into the back of your throat, going so far that your nose pressed into the patch of dark curls that sat above his perfect dick. Focusing your breathing through your nose, you make a point to constrict your throat a few times until you feel him twitch inside you.
Pulling off with a gasp for air, you notice his eyebrows pinched together and gaze locked on you.
“I like how these feel,” you comment, letting your pointed tongue dance around the metal balls on his tip.
He shudders and you clench your thighs at the sight of his stomach muscles tensing up when your tongue makes contact with the underside of his head, right where it meets the shaft.
“If I let you fuck my mouth until you come, are you still going to be able to give it to me in a bit, or are you a one and done kind of guy?” You ask with a playfully teasing tone, but genuinely want to know if you suck him off to completion if the night will be over or not.
“Fuck,” he spits out, more blood rushing to his cock at the idea of coming down your throat, “I’d fuck you all night if you’d let me babe.”
Half a second doesn’t pass before his cock is back in your mouth, hips shakily moving forward with your movements, gaining confidence as you flicker your eyes up at him through your lashes, the glimmer in them telling him he can take what he wants.
“Fuckin’ look at you,” he comments to himself, “takin’ it all.”
“Mhmmm,” you hum around him letting your tongue roll around his tip each time before he pushes his cock back down your throat.
“You think you can get away with teasing me like that? That shit you pulled in the van back there, you think it’s cute to try and get me all riled up?”
You nod, tongue out and saliva coating your lips and chin. You could tell he was close by the way his words came out staggered, and his hips started snapping towards you in a new tempo, like his body was chasing it.
Grunts and moans pulled from his chest fill the space mixed with the hums of satisfaction you let out while you take him deeper and faster. Moving in for the kill, you carefully slip your hand up in between his legs, cupping his balls, trying your best not to startle him.
“Oh fuck,” it was a pitch of his voice you’d never heard before, a new tone especially reserved for the moments before orgasm, “you’re gonna make me fuckin come, y/n, y/n, I’m…”
The feeling of his balls constricting in your hands cues the warm wash of come sputtering down into your throat.
Getting the feeling he’d appreciate a bit of a show, you continue to jerk him off and pull off his cock slightly, letting the tip balance onto the tip of your tongue and the rest of his load spills out into your open mouth, some landing around the corners and onto your lips.
“Christ, y/n,” his chest is heaving, his eyes finally pulling from you to squeeze shut for a moment.
Once you’re sure he’s looking at you again you swallow down the salty white substance and lick the excess off your lips. You take his head back into your mouth, sucking just enough to clean off the tip and lap up any stray drops. He’s sensitive, you can tell, so you stop torturing him and place a final kiss right in between the two metal balls.
You thought of asking him if the piercing hurt, or maybe make a comment about the two matching tattoos on his hipbones, ink of his you’d never seen until now. Before your brain can jump from swallowing his come to making post-nut chit chat, he’s yanking you up off your feet and wrapping you in a searingly passionate kiss.
In your past experience most guys wanted you to drink some water or brush your teeth after they came in your mouth, at least before kissing you. Not Eddie. The way his tongue immediately slipped into your mouth, you almost believed he was trying to get a taste for himself.
“C’mon,” he whispers in between slotting his lips with your, “Bedroom. Now.”
He takes your hips in his hands and spins you around, causing a surprised yelp to bubble up from you, making him chuckle behind you as he walks you down the hall, keeping his hands on your sides.
You knew where you were going, there were only so many doors in his tiny trailer, and you’d been here plenty of times before, but you liked the feeling of his hands pushing you forward, guiding your movements and steering you down the hallway into his room.
Before your knees can hit the bed he spins you back around and captures your lips in another heated kiss. His hands trail up your sides, letting his fingertips slide beneath the hem of your shirt and push it upwards until your ribs were exposed. He pulls away from your face, leaving you leaning back into him, not wanting the kiss to end.
“Up,” he pinches the sides of your shirt in his hands, and signals with his chin that he wants you to lift your arms, which you comply.
It slides up and off of you, his hands quickly darting back to unclasp your bra, seemingly without even trying. This makes you roll your eyes, but the realization that you’re bare before him eclipses the thought of making a snippy remark about what a man whore he is.
Flat palms caress your sides and move up to cup your breasts, his tongue pressing into the side of your neck.
“These too,” his thumbs dip into your pants, managing to wiggle under the waistband of your panties as well. You’re going to do it yourself, but he gently pushes you back onto the bed, letting you flip back into the unmade blankets.
“I wanna see you,” he pops your pants button and waits for a nod before sliding your pants and underwear down your legs.
In between the blowjob and now, he’d tucked himself back into his pants, pulling his boxers and jeans back up, still unbuttoned, but covering him back up as his cock returned to a half hard state, unlikely to stay that way for very long considering how things were going.
The scene of you now sprawled out onto his bed, naked and needy for him, and him standing above you, basically fully clothed, had a flood of lust traveling south between your thighs.
“So fuckin’ gorgeous,” you burned under his intense gaze, raking down your body and soaking in the image of your skin laid out against his flannel plaid sheets.
He crawls over you, letting his body melt into yours, the center seam of his jeans pressing against your soaking core, just as it had when he had you pressed up against the door of the bar bathroom.
Rocking gently against you, you feel his cock already starting to harden again. His tongue moves against your neck, hands roaming freely against your skin, arching into his touch.
His breath was heavy against your lips, he was already starting to lose himself, and he knew he wanted to make you come with his tongue at least once before his dick came back out, but it was already pulsing between his legs, growing rock solid with every little whimper that came past your lips.
Your fingers intertwined themselves into the tresses of his long, messy hair. You use your new grip to pull his face as close into yours as your bodies will allow, smushing his nose up against your cheek and foreheads plastered together. The weight of his body on yours, and the lovely rocking motion of his hips against yours stopped as he pulled away and hooked his arms under your knees.
He slides off the side of the bed, feet returning to the carpeted ground and yanking your body to the edge of the mattress. You let out an unexpected giggle, body limp like a rag doll, moving wherever he wanted you.
He leans back over to give you another deep kiss, teeth dragging against your lower lip and tongue sliding gracefully against yours, before he slides his mouth down, stopping to lap up at your nipples for a moment, not letting any part of your skin go untouched as he takes his time moving down to where you want him most.
Wiggling around on his mattress, your body is begging him to get on with it, but he loves to make you squirm. He takes his time licking up your hip bones, kissing from the innermost part of your thigh all the way down to your knee, and then back up the other side. He even takes a long moment to suck a dark purple bruise into the meat of your thigh, biting down on the flesh and licking over the skin to soothe it, noticing how your back arched a little when he bit down harder.
“Please Eddie,” your voice is hardly above a whisper, whimpering and whiny.
“All you had to do was ask nicely,” he has that too-cocky tone again, but it’s long forgotten once his tongue is buried in between your thighs, lapping up the excess of wetness already pooled there.
“Ohhh,” you let out a moan, sucking in a sharp breath and allowing your body to relax under his focused touch.
His hands push up from your ass to the crooks of your knees, moving your legs back to either side of you, strong palms finding their resting place on the backs of your thighs, keeping your legs spread wide open for him while he buries his face deep in your cunt.
“You-“ the start of a compliment, or maybe a request, escapes your lips but the sudden harsh suck of your clit into his mouth has you speechless and moaning, “Mhmmmmm, uhhhhhhh.”
The sloppy wet sounds of him making out with your pussy are enough to drive you wild, your hands originally balling his sheets in your fists quickly move to the top of his head, resting atop his mop of messy curls.
“Y’can give it a tug,” the first half of his statement spoken directly into your pussy, “I don’t mind a little pain.” He shoots you a wink and keeps his eyes locked on you as he lets his tongue lap a fat long lick up your slit, and then leaning back down to encourage you to tangle your hands into his hair.
Coming to either side of his head you grab two points of purchase, locking your fingers in at the roots and feeling him hum into your cunt when you grabbed it a little tighter.
Your hips start to quiver, so he brings one hand from your thigh up to your lower stomach, pinning you against the bed, and still keeping you spread open with the other.
Working a steady rhythm against your slick center with his lips and tongue, he can tell he’s found the spot you like most by your open mouth and tight eyebrows.
“Ohmygod,” your chest starts moving with heavy breaths, you can’t bear to keep yourself up any longer and flop back down flat onto the mattress, eyes screwing shut in pleasure. He lets go of his anchor on your tummy and returns his hands to your thighs, allowing your hips to wiggle and wriggle against his face to chase after your own pleasure.
“Pleasepleaseplease,” one glimpse of his big brown eyes looking up at you and his nose pressing deliciously into the spot above your clit has your head reeling, “please don’t stop, fuck.”
Rather than reply, he just continues to devour you at that steady pace, your thighs almost snapping shut around his head .
“Uh huh, right there, oh fuck Eddie I’m gonna-“
A strangled moan rips from your throat and your back arches off the mattress, his hands quickly come to wrap around your thighs and keep your center held closely against his face. He’s pulling your hips flush with his face, despite your spasming torso and gushing core.
As your orgasm peaks, your hips angle themselves to push up deeper into his face, and he uses his leverage against the backs of your thighs to lift your ass, the entire lower half of your body now off the mattress and sliding backwards as he keeps his moving tongue glued to your clit.
He climbs up onto the mattress as you slide back, the grip he had on your legs was sure to leave a sore memory of him unwilling to let your coming pussy away from his face.
When he finally pulls away, your hand pushing at his forehead to prevent overstimulation, both of you gasping for air, his knees are propped under your thighs, and your hips are propped up right at perfect level with the bulge in his pants.
“Fuck me,” you say through catching your breath, not as an expletive but rather a demand, “Eddie, I need you to fuck me,” your voice was whiny and desperate.
“This okay?” he starts pulling his dick from its constraints in his unbuttoned jeans, not even shoving them halfway down his thighs before he had that pretty pierced dip dragging through your open and ready folds.
“Yes, inside, please,” you were chasing after his length, while he tossed his shirt off. He teasingly ran it up and down your slit before sinking into you, collapsing down to press your lips into a kiss to swallow your moans as he slid the whole thing in slowly, making sure to take his time and fuck you right.
He grabbed the back of your neck and pressed his forehead to yours, finally sheathed all the way inside you and stilling for a moment to relish in the feeling. Pulling back so he can watch your face as he pumps his first few thrusts, he knows he’s beyond fucked.
“So fucking good,” you slur out, eyes almost crossing from how deep his cock was hitting your insides.
“Yeah? This pussy’s god damn perfect, fucking made for me,” he articulates each thought with a snap of his hips, “suckin’ me right in.”
“Wait, can we,” your voice had a little more weight behind it unlike the airy moans he’d grown obsessed with in the past forty minutes.
He pulls back, and rather than finish your thought you slip him out of you and roll over, shuffling up the bed and positioning yourself face down ass up, knees spread and back arched.
“You think you can handle it?” he asks jokingly, swatting your ass playfully and then landing a second, harder smack on the flesh when he notices you pussy clench around nothing at the sensation of him spanking you.
“Want you to fuck me hard,” you mumble into his pillow, wiggling your hips a little bit to jiggle the fat of your ass, “I know your cock is gonna feel so fucking good in me this way, wanna feel that fucking piercing back in my throat from the other direction.”
“Jesus Christ, y/n,” he was genuinely a little shocked at your words, slowly learning that your freak side might match his.
You expected to feel his cock slam into you once his hands came to spread your ass apart, but instead the mattress dipped and he was licking another fat stripe from your clit all the way up past your second hole, running this back a few times until you were moaning into the pillow and thighs were tensed up from the attention he was giving you.
“Sorry babe, just needed another taste,” he pushed the head of his dick into you, and moved the first few inches agonizingly slow into your soaked hole.
“Eddie please, need it, need you,” he loved that his sheets were balled up in your fists, using the tension of the material to bounce yourself back onto him. You only manage to slide back down about three quarters before he’s tightly gripping your hip and pulling out half way again.
“Tsk tsk tsk, you need to learn to be patient, pretty girl,” he’d thrust it an inch of so, and then slowly pull back, making you whine and start to feel tears bubble up in the corners of your eyes.
“Want it so bad,” your cheek laid flat against his pillow, and you could catch a glimpse of him behind you out of the corner of your eye if you craned your neck a bit. You sounded so desperate, but you knew he liked it, liked hearing how badly you craved him.
He starts moving in and out of you, firm grip on your ass never wavering. Restrained grunts left his mouth as he fucked into you, causing your eyes to practically roll into the back of your head. He leans down to place a soft kiss on your shoulder blade, despite how viciously he's pounding into you. His head cranes down to your shoulder, his hand coming up to brush your hair out of your face.
As his long fingers move your hair away from your eyes, you push your head back into his hand, not wanting to lose contact. He tentatively runs his hands up into your hair, taking a soft grip on your roots.
“Is this what you want?” he whispers, “you like it rough?”
“Yes,” you manage to squeak out, “fuck, pull my hair, spank me, do whatever the fuck you want to me, please.”
His vision practically goes black with this new unrestricted passion, allowing himself to thrust into you as hard and as deep as his hips would propel him, twisting your hair in his grip and pulling you up from your laid position, quickly letting your hands jump to his headboard to support you as your head was pulled back.
You tried to bounce back onto his cock, wanting to feel him as deeply and wholly as your bodies would allow, but you could hardly keep up with the pace he had set.
Your ass bouncing against him and the occasional glance he caught at your fucked out expression spurred him on to fuck you even harder. He had your hair pulled back so tight that your back was pressing flush up with his chest every so often, and he took the opportunity to snake an arm around you and hold your chest up flat, his other hand moving down to rub frantic circles on your clit.
“You’re gonna make me come like this,” you manage to croak out, voice hoarse from the harsh bend in your neck.
“Nuh uhh, no,” his voice was gruff and commanding, right into your ear and sent a shiver down your spine.
He pulled out of you fully, and had you flipped around flat on your back again before you could even open your mouth to complain.
“Need to see that pretty face when you come on my cock,” he lines himself up with you again, pushing into you and making a mental note of how the bulge of his cock looked pressing up from the inner part of your lower stomach.
And of course, your face screwed up in pleasure, puffy lips and sweaty brow, slack jawed and panting his name would be something Eddie wouldn’t be able to forget even if he tried.
His thumb found its way to your clit to pick up where he had last left you, steadily building to an earth shattering orgasm. Talking you through it, knowing you were close by the vice grip your walls had on his dick, in between grunts he spilled out some “good girl”’s and “right fuckin there, that’s it.”
When he felt your thighs tense up, and the muscles in your neck strain against the soft skin he’d previously had his lips all over, he knew you were nearing the finish line.
“So fucking perfect, feel so good wrapped around me,” he managed to sweet talk you without altering the pace of his hips, “That’s it, come on my cock, give it to me.”
With that, your body can’t help but throw itself over the edge of pleasure. A deep grunt rattles in your chest, and you lose all sensation other than the wild pulsing in between your legs. You can’t be bothered to worry about what your face looks like, or if your thighs are squeezing him too hard, you only feel the riptide of an orgasm shattering through you.
The animalistic noise that Eddie grunts out, his wild gaze locked on your face only makes your body shake with pleasure even harder. He had that instinct that most men lacked, to keep the exact pace and motion when your orgasm hit rather than speed up or slow down, it was a gift, a talent.
Of course he wasn’t going to change a thing about what he was doing, look at you. You were so fucking perfect, shaking and coming all over him, those sweet noises and the beautiful squelching between your thighs. He’d rather die than change a single thing about this moment.
He stilled only when you paused to catch your breath, and within seconds was flipped over by the power of your thighs onto his back.
Unexpectedly, you began to ride him, trying to match the pace he had earlier set. The aftershocks of your orgasm still washed through you, but you seized the moment to get him right where you wanted him. This angle was different, deeper and more connected. You roll your hips and bring your hands up to his hair, foreheads pressing together once again.
“You’re making me feel so fucking good,” you manage to breathe out into his lips, he quickly comes to the realization of what’s happened and shifts the angle of his hips to hit you even deeper.
“I’d give you everything, if you’d let me,” he doesn’t let a single thought pass in his mind before the words slip out, “always.”
Your lips capture his in a kiss that has far more emotion behind it than two friends play-dating and fucking for fun. His hands come up to grasp your cheeks, your hips continue to roll down into his with purpose.
“I’m- Where-“ his words are hardly intelligible in between breathless kisses, but you know what he means.
“Inside, please, need all of you inside me,” you try to keep your voice steady so he hears you loud and clear, wanting to give him the exact attention he had paid to you, “Please Eddie, come inside me.”
His hands travel down and guide your hips to fuck down onto him one, two, three times before he’s groaning in your ear and letting out the prettiest and most vulnerable sounds you’ve ever heard form him.
The swell of his cock inside you makes you drape your head into his neck, focusing on riding out his orgasm and making sure he was twitching in the aftershocks of his orgasm before you let up.
When you felt his grip on your hips tighten, signaling that he’d had too much, you sink all the way down one final time and let your body lay limp on his, pulsing cock still filling you up.
His chest rose and fell harshly with his recovering breaths. You could feel his heartbeat pulsing up through the spot on his neck where your ear laid on his sweaty skin.
Silently awaiting the inevitable tap on the shoulder, the slow pull out and post-sex cleanup process, you try to savor every passing moment. But it doesn’t come. Eddie wraps his arms around your midsection and holds your limp body close to his, letting his cock start to soften inside you.
You nearly fall asleep like that, all wrapped up in him, until you recognize that you should pee and clean up to avoid a UTI. You slip off of him, and hear a disappointed groan from him. He makes cute grabby hands at you as you cross the room, making you roll your eyes, but something deep inside you flip flops with how sweet he’s being, so caring, so unlike the picture of himself that he had painted for you.
You give him a wet hand towel to clean up the remnants of your activities, and slip back into bed with him per his insistence. You doze off for a while, until the rising sun peeking through his blinds catches your eye, striking you with the sudden decision to stay and face the music or leave and let it settle.
You’d already regretted it, but weren’t ready to have the “hey, so I know we had fake boyfriend-girlfriend sex, but I actually really like you so what should we do about that?” conversion with him, so instead you take the cowardly path and tiptoe out of his room in the early morning hours, leaving behind your underwear on his nightside table with a scribbled note saying to call you. Hopefully that was enough of a signal.
Apparently not,
Days pass, and no call.
It was all starting to get to your head. While you had gone through the stages of being nervous that you had done something wrong, that he was avoiding you to spare you the rejection, thinking he regretted what had happened and didn’t want to face you, who was so obviously into him it was painful, you’d just now turned a new leaf. Fuck that. If he was too much of a coward to call you, you'd hope he'd at least give you the decency as a friend to tell you the truth, you deserved to be angry, and you deserved a response.
After stewing in your feelings for longer than felt healthy, you just get in your car and start driving to his trailer. If this all blew up in your face at least you wouldn’t have to keep biting your nails and waiting for the phone to ring.
Three deep breaths, and a quick moment to gather your thoughts, and suddenly your body acted on instinct, putting the car in park and walking up to pound three concise knocks on his trailer door.
“Just a second,” he hollered from inside, giving you a few seconds to be stricken with regret for showing up unannounced without a plan on what exactly to say.
“What do you- oh, y/n,” he was in a pair of plaid pajama pants that hung low on his hips, shirtless and hair still damp from a recent shower, “uh, hey?”
“Oh, hey,” your tone was laced with annoyance, “I left something here last week and I’m here to get it back. If you don’t mind.”
“What- oh,” he’s a second too slow to realize you mean the underwear you had purposefully left behind with that note. The note telling him to call you. Which he never did.
You were left standing on his porch steps, arms crossed and shooting daggers out of your eyes while he stood there in the doorway, an apparent guilty expression plastered on his face while he rocked back on his heels to buy some time to figure out what to say.
“You don’t have to invite me inside, if you can just grab them and give them to me, and I’ll be out of your hair,” you say flatly, recognizing if he does as asked then this might be the last time you speak to Eddie Munson.
“No, no, uh, you should come in,” he steps aside to let you in, “we probably shouldn’t have this conversation on my front steps.”
Avoiding eye contact, feeling an overwhelming mix of anger, confusion, and betrayal, you step inside and don’t make any effort to move into the space. You just stand by the door and give him an expectant look. Either he could go get the underwear, or he could grow a pair and say something to you.
“I, uh-“ he looked so defeated you started to feel bad for using such a pointed tone, but then you remembered the days and days that passed without hearing from him, “I’m sorry, that I, y’know…”
“Yeah, well I don’t really care if you’re not looking for any post sex recap conversations, because you’re obviously pretty sure of yourself in that department,” the words flew out before your mind could even conjure them up, “but you fucking promised me that you wouldn’t do this, so can I please just have my underwear back and I won’t bother you again.”
He runs a hand through his hair letting out a deep exhale and searching the ceiling for words, “I know, I-“
You cut him off, your thoughts were ripping through you now and you were going to say your piece whether he asked for it or not, “You said you wouldn’t pull this shit with me, but I guess our friendship isn’t substantial enough for you to see me any differently than you do every other girl you throw away after you’ve gotten what you want. You clearly don’t want any more advice and you clearly don’t want to be my friend, so please, just give me my shit so I can go.”
“That’s the fucking thing y/n, of course I don’t want to be your friend,” his gaze still fixed on the ceiling.
At this point you were seconds away from just storming out, letting him keep your underwear as some twisted little trophy for breaking your heart.
“Yeah, crystal clear Eddie.”
“Being your friend is already hard enough, and I knew this shit was a bad idea, the whole trial-girlfriend thing. But how the fuck was I supposed to say no to that? The girl of my dreams offers to do all this no-strings-attached romantic shit, I’d be the dumbest man alive to turn that down.”
You just give him a blank stare, your scalding anger twisting into a more confused frenzy of bees swarming in the pit of your stomach. Eyebrows pinched together, you just stare at him until he finally makes eye contact with you.
“And yeah,” he goes on, letting all his words out like a big exhale in the same cadence that you had just hurled all your angry words at his, but his tone was filled with guilt as opposed to rage, “maybe we let it go a little too far, but I would never say no to you, I couldn’t. I’m sorry I didn’t know what the fuck to say to you after, but that’s exactly the reason I’m not good enough for you. The more we kept that fake dating shit up the worse it was gonna get, so I’m sorry, but I can’t keep spending time with you like that, because it’s starting to fucking hurt.”
“Hurt,” you say with a dry laugh, which almost scares him, “YOU’RE hurt? Give me a fucking break Eddie. I know you don’t see me that way. So what, you’re too scared to hurt my feelings? You’re doing a wonderful job, keep it up.”
“What the fuck do you mean, not see you like what?”
“Don’t pretend to be dumb Eddie. When we first met I tried so hard to get your attention, asking you to hang out, and you always blew me off. It’s fine that you don’t want to date me or whatever, but at least just tell me that, don’t fuck me like I’m special or something and then toss me aside. I deserve better than that.”
“Yeah, y/n, you do,” his voice was no longer guilt stricken, and was on the same straightforward plane as your last responses, “you deserve so much fucking better than me, that’s why I could never let anything between us happen. I don’t call girls back. I’m rude. I don’t take care of myself, let alone others. I like to smoke, and drink, and get head from girls in bar bathrooms and never learn their names, and that’s not the kind of person that a girl like you dates. I’m a fun quick fuck. You’re the kind of girl that after three dates he’ll already have a ring picked out. You’re everything, and I’m nothing, so forgive me for sparing you of that.”
Your bones are frozen and the beat of silence gives him the opportunity to spin on his heel and start down the hallway, presumably to get your panties.
Snapping back into it, you let out a louder than expected, “Hey,” and you start following him, not taking long to catch up to him in his bedroom.
“You,” you point a finger at him, and start to feel the rage bubble up again, “don’t get to decide that you’re unloveable. And you don’t get to tell me what kind of girl I am. Have you ever considered that maybe the reason you’re so lonely and miserable is because you choose to be? You don’t get to decide what I deserve, I do. And I really fucking like you Eddie, so forgive me for acting like it.”
You snatch your underwear off his bedside table, and give him a look, not fueled by anger or resentment, but empathy.
“I’m going to leave. And if you don’t want to see me again, that’s fine, but if you do, you can call me. Goodbye Eddie.”
You feel out of your own body, floating above it all and rewinding the conversation over and over, body on autopilot taking you home while your soul stayed behind and relived his words over and over, unsure if you feel better or worse than when you showed up.
Days pass by again, and you take his silence as more of a response than anything he had said to you during that conversation. You try not to wallow, but you feel scattered and distraught, at both the prospect of losing Eddie and having to deal with your shared friends, would they allow you to dance around each other, or would they flat out choose him and shut you out? Would group nights out bowling suddenly just turn into the occasional one-on-one coffee with Robin?
Until suddenly, on a random Tuesday afternoon when you've gotten home from work and are relaxing on the couch in your pajamas, three knocks are at your door.
At this point you figured it was over. He hadn't called and he'd made no effort to continue the dialogue. So a thought of Eddie doesn't even cross your mind in between the couch and opening the door.
And there he is.
In a suit, slightly descheveld in Eddie fashion, and holding a slightly wilting bouquet of flowers. Posture straight and brave face, but expecting your brutal edge upon answering the door nonetheless.
"Hey?" you're somewhat at a loss for words answering.
"Hi," he seems like he's running lines of a play in his mind, "I was hoping we could talk."
You reluctantly let him in, and he hands the flowers to you, as if it was a normal occurrence for him to bring you such a gift.
"First off," he starts, hardly breaching your living room entrance before starting his apology, "I regret the way we last left things, and I'm sorry for leaving you waiting for a response."
He flicks those big brown eyes at you and you can't help but give him the benefit of the doubt, he always was so sincere with his words.
"You're amazing. And although I'll remain adamant that I don't deserve someone like you in my life, I've been thinking a lot about what you said, and I'm sorry that tried to tell you how to feel."
You remain stoic at your seat on the couch, watching him shift his weight and bare his soul to you.
"You're perfect. Nice, funny, sexy, brave, all of it. And if you're willing to give me a chance, I don't know why the fuck you would, but if you are, I want to put aside all my bullshit and try this out, if you'll have me."
He stood there for a moment, letting you take in his request, bouquet in hand and suit adorned.
"And I owe you a few dates, for real."
As hard as you want your exterior to be, a smile cracks through.
"Okay, but know I don't fuck until the third date, at best," you jab, breaking his nervous exterior and visibly relieving the tension from his shoulders.
"I'm somewhat of a refined gentleman myself, so that won't be an issue," he bows and extends a hand to you.
You pull him down by the hand onto the couch with you, wrapping him up in a deep kiss. He was worth it, and you both knew it was worth the shot to try.
#⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️#eddie munson smut#eddie x y/n#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson#eddie munson imagine#eddie munson fanfic#eddie munson fem!reader#eddie fanfiction#eddie x yn#eddie x reader angst#eddie x reader fluff#eddie x female reader#eddie x y/n smut#eddie x fem!reader#eddie x you#eddie x reader smut#eddie x you fluff#eddie x reader#eddie munson x fem! reader#eddie munson x female!reader#eddie munson x reader fluff#eddie munson x fem!reader#eddie munson x reader smut#eddie munson x y/n
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𝑆𝑎𝑝𝑛𝑎𝑝𝑠 𝐶ℎ𝑖𝑙𝑑//𝑆𝑎𝑝𝑛𝑎𝑝 𝑝𝑡 4
Masterlist // child reader ML //
Sapnap x reader !p !child reader
Pronouns used: none specified!
Warnings: swearing, mentions of death, casinos
➳➳➳➳➳┄┄※┄┄➳➳➳➳➳
𝐊𝐢𝐧𝗼𝐤𝗼 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐧𝗼𝐰??
Quackity was telling you all of his plans
He rambled on for hours of his ideas for casinos and how he was going to marry Karl and sapnap
It sounded great
He had his whole plan set up! He even had Sam helping him with the building
But then he left
Just like everyone else
But that was fine! You were just with sapnap
Before Karl came running over rambling on about needed to move his library
He had a library?
“[Redacted] you need to stay close, please”
You looked at him weirdly
Who the fuck was [redacted]
“Karl my names Y/n you idiot” “flame..” “sorry”
He didn’t even notice it and then you had to spend the next couple days hauling over 100 books
“Oo hey what are these! The covers look really weird”
You had found his time travel books
Woops
That man raced over and in the kindest way possible, snatched it from your hands
“Don’t touch those, they are my special books”
You just shrugged and let him be, he freaks you out enough
So you all traveled to this area in the spruce forest and built a really ugly mushroom hut
But hey it’s fine! Foolish thankfully came around later that day and made everything better
So you stuck around
Maybe you needed this, this new start
Oh but prime knows that wouldnt last long
Karl started forgetting
At first it was simple things as just forgetting where he was or little stumbles with names
But eventually he was going away longer and longer
He started calling you by these strange names, some that sound Victorian and western and others that are unlike you
One day he didn’t call you by your name at all
You were hanging around the Sakura trees and the big yin Yang pond waiting for sapnap to come back with George
Then you saw Karl exit the library, running up to him for a hug
It’s been two months since you’ve seen him
You fucking hated it but you couldn’t help but consider him another parental figure
He loved it
But he just stood there as you wrapped your arms around him
Expecting the usual “[reda]- Y/n, I’ve missed you so much my sweet flame!”
But there was nothing just a sad one sided hug
“Hello? I’m sorry but do I know you?”
You were ready to cry
“I’m sorry, I uh must’ve mistaken you for the wrong person” “No that’s fine! Hugs are nice?”
So you left and ran into the library
Scouring throughout all of the books until you found them
The same 8 books you shrugged away
You read through all of them along with Karl’s other journals
You didn’t like going through his stuff especially, a whole invasion of privacy
The more you read the worse it got
What were you gonna tell Sapnap?
Who the hell is James, and [redacted]?
And why couldn’t he stop
It’s no use anymore
You were simply just forgotten
𝐋𝗼𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐯𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐬
The closer you got to the large building, the sicker you got
Kinoko Kingdom was supposed to be your free pass
But somehow you always end up here
You called for Sam on the comms waiting for the beep
The inside looked great to say the least
“What are your past relationships with the prisoner?” “No answer.”
“Where are you currently resided?” “No answer”
“Do you believe the prisoner deserves his sentence?” “Maybe”
You put all your shit in the locker and followed him through all the safety checks
“I’m glad you didn’t bring anything with you”
You stood on the platform heart racing as the lava went down
It was like a ticking time bomb
The small squeaks and scratches of the hovering bridge
He just stared at you
That sick stupid mask was broken by tommy that day in the black stone room
So you had to look into his face
Lets just say he looks good in Orange
“Barrier up or down?” “Down”
He backed up into the corner as you stepped in
Smiling
Once the lava cascaded down your smile turned into a sick frown
“Hello” is that all he had to fucking say?
“Screw you. Fuck you. Damn you”
He just looked you a small chuckle escaping from his lips
“Those all mean the same thing.” “Well I’ve been living in cinnamon town for the past couple months, and I’m ready to fucking burn some buns”
Yeah he just laughed
“I’ve missed you Hot shot”
“You ruined our damn life!”
Someone went quiet
“If you didn’t have to have a petty little war, or criminalize children we could’ve been fine! It could’ve just been you, dad, me, and George.”
You were pissed, everyone just kept leaving you.
Tommy and Tubbo, Quackity, Karl, Dream, and hell even Wilbur
“You come and visit me, after not having seen me for months and you just yell? Not a hello or ‘how are you dream?’ ‘How’s prison dream’ ‘how can I help you get out of this damn place’ “
You just sat down ready to just walk out into the lava
“I’ve been stuck here for months! None of you even cared enough to visit me, hell even Tommy came around.”
You might have felt a little bad after leaving him
The prison was cold even tho lava was flowing right there
“Why would you leave the discs alone..” “Because I had to end it.”
What were you doing here
What were you planning on saying?
“So, what do you do in prison”
“I have a clock.”
You got up to go look at the pretty clock
Then threw it at his face
“Ow” “deal with it bitch”
The longer you stayed the worse the feeling in your stomach got
so you buzzed for Sam waving goodbye
“Wait.. Do they miss me?” “Can’t say, but I think this may be for the best.”
He wanted his best friends
But he just got the annoying teenager
Oh but that wouldn’t be the last
𝐋𝐚𝐬 𝐍𝐚𝐯𝐚𝐝𝐚𝐬
You got a letter in the mail one day
Who the hell uses letters??
You were shocked to see the address and the small post card
“Come around some time”-Quackity
Ans on the back it had the cords
Oh well what did you have to loose? Sapnap was focused on Karl
and well Karl didn’t even know you
So you set off
It took you a couple hours travel by horse to get to the desert area
The large sign blaring in the red text
You gotta admit the place looked beautiful
There was a giant dick and different shops
You were shocked to see this random un human like guy
“Hello, I am Charlie a totally human guy!”
Yeah totally not slime
“I’m uh, Y/n?” He reached out for a handshake sort of thing
“Dap me up!” “Another time Charlie”
Maybe when you had hand sanitizer
“Ohh so your Y/n! Mister Quackity talks about you all the time, come on in!”
You were skeptical but followed anyways
Stopping in your tracks when you saw Fundy
“Furry?” “Fire shit?”
You went over to give him a side hug, ruffling his fur
“What the hell are you doing here ginger boy!” “Oh you know, just escaping nightmares”
You were confused then just let him be
You walked to the entry way of the place
A beautiful pond with flowers and an arch
“Did what the place where Mr. Quackity was going to propose!”
Going to?
You shrugged it off following inside
You hated to admit it, but you were excited to see him
Yeah you really needed a parental figure in your life at the moment
So when you saw him, he immediately pick you up in a hug
You didn’t fail to notice his change in appearance
That beanie stayed the same tho
Thank god
“Hey hey! Let me show you around the place, we can also go for lunch and talk.”
The casino looked great to say the least
Loud music booming from the speakers, along with the live jazz band on the side
Slot machines were going off every minute
“Have a chip, something to remember this by”
He handed you a red poker chip
It was a cool one tho, in the middle has a blocky sort of smile
Creepy and dopey.. sick!
So you put it around a spare silver chain
“So how have you been kid? ‘Ts been a while hasn’t it.” “Could be better..”
You both walked around the city in silence, offering to go in the super model shop
“No” “why not” “keep walking”
On your way to lunch you had to squint at what you were seeing
“Oh my goodness you’re still alive?!” “You’re alive!?”
You and revivebur just stared at one another
“Yeah he came back after I died!” “you what now-“
You just stared at Tommy and back to Wilbur
Oh god those shrooms were messing with your head
You should’ve gotten out of there a while ago
Quackity came over placing his hands on your shoulders
“Do I have to execute you both? Get off my damn property”
“Sorry Q. Say, Y/n wanna join Lmanburg 2.0?”
You back away holding your hands up
“I denied that offer once, and I’ll do it again. Fucking zombie freaks”
You obviously muttered the last part
Why the fuck did dream revive those two shits??
When did Tommy even die??
Your visit here has just gotten weirder and weirder
𝐌𝗼𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐬
Quackity got you away from the brits as quick as he could
So he brought you over to his office
“So kid, how’s your dad..”
Ah you expected this question
“How the fuck am I supposed to know. He’s living his life, Karl’s time traveling! Oh yeah did I mention he doesn’t even remember me.”
He looked at you with wide eyes
“So I’m not the only one they forgot..”
You slammed you hands on the fable dramatizing the situation
“How would you feel about moving here? I mean you could work for me in the casino!”
You thought about it for a second
You have two options
1. Live in shroom town with bubbles
2. Move to las Nevada’s with Quackity
You were sure Sapnap wouldn’t mind
I mean would he even care?
He hasn’t for the past couple months!
“You feel abandoned there, over here there are hundreds of people. You’ll have the time of your life”
You thought about it for a sec
“Alright hand me a contract”
So you signed
Making deals with the devil huh
Little did you know it would cost you your life
Devils little soul
➳➳➳➳➳┄┄※┄┄➳➳➳➳➳
and this is the finale! I will take requests for sapnaps child, and I’ll do some shit with Quackity and the casino and go in more depth if wanted!
As always request and ask anything! And ask if you want to be on a taglist (child reader or general)
For those on the taglist I don’t know if you wanted to be tagged for all child reader shit or just dreams child.. so please tell me :)
@creatorofstars @georgenctfound @samistheidiot @smolbox-png @ghostlysenses @stellarinstigator @bobaducky
#sapnaps child#sapnap x reader#sapnap#sapnap x y/n#karl jacobs x y/n#karl jacobs x reader#quackity x reader#quackity x you#dsmp#mcyt#mcyt x reader#dream smp x reader#wilbur soot#tommy innit#kinoko kingdom#dream smp prison#las navadas#child reader
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I gotta say the whole supposed moral panic about fetishizing gay men through fandom seems like a bit of a trojan horse for homophobia to me. People of a variety of sexes and orientations finding gay sex/romance appealing is not a bad thing. What is a bad thing is when women start harassing gay men to join them in the bedroom, or random people disturb gay "couples" in public with sexualized remarks on their displays of affection or lust for each other. Now I have been very active in my local and national LGBT scene for years now, and you know how often I've heard of this happening? Never.
You know what does happen a lot? This being done to queer women. I myself and pretty much all of my friends have multiple experiences of this happening. Men commenting on you when you're kissing a girl in a bar or nightclub, men whistling when you hold hands in public, men who become obsesses with trying to seduce you when you say you're a lesbian. I even was with a lesbian couple when they got sexually assaulted by a man during freaking Pride. So for one, I think the panic is really overbearing, and very misdirected. If you want to help LGBT people and protect them from harm resulting from being fetishized... direct your efforts at protecting queer women.
Absent of real life consequences, I gotta wonder how many people rage about the potential of people of a variety of sexes and orientations getting off on the idea of (attravtive) guys having sex or a romance say this, because truly they cannot cope with gay sex or romance being considered something attractive at all. A lot of homophobia that queer people experience is centered around this belief that we have to cower and beg to be accepted, that we have to present ourselves as the abberation to the perfect cishet folks. If we act like our lifes and loves are just as normal or in our eyes better than cishet stuff, we are often punished as being too much. Queer men especially face a lot of punishment for existing in public and expressing their sexuality. Any public display of affection regularly gets met with disgust, hate, or even violence. I know so many guys who are scared to kiss or hold hands in public. I also know several recent stories of gay men being beat up within my city. Male on male sexuality is also treated as something dirty. Immediately if you participated in it, no matter if you only ever had a 100% safe sex, in my country you immediately get signed up for more extensive health checks. You get barred from blood donations too, also for being in a gay relationship at all regardless of your sex pratices. Heck, even if I as a woman would have sex with a queer man I get the same treatment. So really, people in fandom creating some online buzz about 'wouldnt it be cool if these guys kissed/fucked/were in love' really feels like it does more against real life homophobia for queer men as i see it existing, by normalizing it, by lifting it up as desirable, than it seems to do harm. Cause the main problem is and has been that queer guys are told they cant exist, or need to be scared, or are dirty. All this talk online that so much attention going out to fantasized queer men's relationships is bad, that you're a dirty freak if you do that, i don't know, it mostly sounds like reinforcing the main form of homophobia queer men face.
Now the world is a big place, and i cannot presume to know about all local variants of homophobia and common queer experiences. Maybe there are places in the world where queer men publicly getting harassed as if they're sex dolls is a huge issue. In which case: your complaints are valid. I am sorry people in your life are going through that. I am sorry this post feels like another horror thrown on top of it. But maybe, when adressing a global audience... do as i do here... presume not the whole world works in alignment with your local point of view. Contextualize your complaints. Let your brothers and sisters in another country know you're fighting against stuff happening in your area, instead of just being another demon coming to reinforce homophobia.
#rant#homophobia#shipping#mlm ships#fandom#lgbt#im just grossed out by in how many fandoms a weird combo of 'no you cant talk about them being gay thats bad' with#'but we can talk about the filthiest straight fantasies with the same guys' has arisen#and a lot of talk about how a popular mlm ship must be fetishization#how it must be that people are judt doing it cause the guys are attractive and that this is somehow wrong#it really feels like people are shaming queer sexuality and romance in itself and disguising it in social justice talk to get away with it
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rating dsmp characters on whether i would fight them
Ant - claws?? no thanks
Bad - he'd kick my ass absolutely but it would be fun and he would be sportsmanlike. i might be able to get him with the pocket sand trick
Charlie - if i tried to punch him my hand would just sink into his goop and he would smile at me like this is normal
Connor - he's the only normal one but he does wear a sonic onesie in public which makes me want to beat him up. maybe i'd give him a swirly or smth lol
Dream - he would fucking kill me. i would much rather ruin his reputation by starting a rumor that he doesnt wipe his ass or wash his hands after he shits
DreamXD - i like living, thanks (hard pass)
Drista - i take every chance i can get to fight fourteen year olds. that being said i also dont enjoy being encased in bedrock. like i would still do it but just for the record it is a bad idea
Eret - no, if i hurt eret physically their disappointment would hurt me emotionally and it's just not worth it
Foolish - i feel like i could get in a few good licks before he starts to fight back so if im quick about it and i run away before he realizes he just got clocked i could probably get away with it
Fundy - this man SCREAMS prey. he has the vibes of a freshman. you wouldnt even have to prompt me i would just see this man walking down the street minding his own business and just mow his ass down
George - he's a good fighter but if i caught him while he is sleeping (which to be fair is 90% of the time) the satisfaction of kicking him in the ribs would be immense
Ghostbur - i would sooner strike myself down than hurt him
Hannah - damn, what a hell of a way to die o7
Hbomb (normal) - i'd spar with him because he looks like the kind of person who would make a neat noise when he hits the ground
Hbomb (catmaid variant) - absolutely not. she's girlbossing
Jack - same as fundy but like a little to the left. i'd stomp his ass for daring to be bald at me but then i would feel bad for discriminating against bald people. then he would open his mouth and say something to me and i would remember that i attacked him not because he's bald but because he's an idiot ❤️
Karl - he lives off of monster energy and bad decisions but so do i. the difference is that i could fold him like a table
Mexican Dream - i fear him
Michael - FUCK YEAH I'LL DROP KICK A CHILD I DONT GIVE A SHIT
Niki - oh no 😳 niki dont punch me in the face 🥴🥺 ahaha you're so girlboss and sexy-- [is murdered to death]
Philza - i could not step to this man but that wont stop me from trying. i'll have a soundboard full of baby zombie noises to throw him off his rhythm
Ponk - let's spar!! and then we can like make a really cool two-person kata to impress people with and charge people money to watch us fight because they dont know its fake
Puffy - short queen with a killer right hook?? ahaha i could never 😖🥺😡 ........ unless?? 🤪🥵🤤🥴🥰
Punz - same as ponk tbh
Purpled - he's a child and therefore it is not only my duty but my god given right to assault him
Quackity - he would be surprisingly competent but i could still take him.
Ranboo - too much main character energy, not touching that. he'll teleport behind me with a katana or something
Sam - "i am doing this out of my own free will" yeah and? im doing this because my meat is huge and you literally cannot stop me bestie
Sapnap - he would beat me in a fair fight but if i took off my shirt and my bonkhonagahoogs were in full view i think i could win
Schlatt - this bitch schlatt walks everywhere and has heart problems because he downs so much protein powder, idc how swole he is his spine is mine
Skeppy - made of diamonds???? i would have to trick him into knocking himself out but then bad would come for me. depends on how funny it would be
Technoblade - i would much rather team up with him to beat up someone else. he would be amenable i think
Tommy - he's also a main character like ranboo but he's just so punchable. i have to
Tubbo - kids got fucking nukes man, i may love beating up children and especially teenagers but i also enjoy not fucking dying
Wilbur (L'Manberg) - goody two shoes hero lookin headass. punch him
Wilbur (Pogtopia) - JD kinnie theater kid lookin headass. punch him
Wilbur (revived) - oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my g (his ass is grass and im finna mow the lawn)
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♡ dating the bnha boys — hcs
。・:*:・-: ✧ :,。・:*:・゚☆ 。・:*:・-: ✧ :,。・:*:・゚☆
➪ shoto todoroki
pls you’ve prolly been terrified of him for a while prior bc of how ?? talented ?? the mf is ??
but mans prolly saved you at some point and there was this lingering stare you two shared before he left you at recovery girls’ office; were you reading too far into things ?
spoiler alert: you weren’t.
anYWAYS-
he’s the kind of boyfriend to tenderly brush your hair for you and attempt to learn how to tie and braid your hair up in cute ,, simple designs !!
he’d always be ready with little things you’re constantly forgetting; extra snacks,, water,, a fully charged portable charger ,, trust me when i say that man is pREPARED- after all ,, he needs to be ready with everything to take care of his little sweetheart ,, does he not ?
ONLY TWO POINTS IN AND IM ALREADY CRYING BC I LOVE HIM SM BYE BYE BYE
at some point he’d find you sitting on the roof by yourself late at night,, only to stay with you and let you fall asleep on his chest as he drapes a blanket over you and heats it up a lil with his quirk
OKAY YOU CANNOT TELL ME THAT THAT MAN WOULDNT HOLD THE DOOR OPEN FOR YOU AT ALL TIMES AND WOULD SOMETIMES EVEN GET LOWKEYHIGHKEY KINDA SAD WHEN YOU DONT LET HIM
prolly bc he just wants to prove to you that he can be useful
pls just let the man know he’s useful and important he never shows it directly but he needs the reassurance—
he’d give you a warm massage w his quirk whenever you’re in pain :”)
HIDES AND PROTECTS YOU FROM MINETA BC HE KNOWS DAMN WELL WHAT THAT LITTLE SHIT FANTASIZES ABOUT
loves heating//cooling things for you ,, like instant noodles or ice packs !!
surprises you w jewelry that have his initials on them !!
GIVES THE BEST CUDDLES I SWEAR
would hold an umbrella for u while you loop your arm into his as the two of you walk home through the light rain :”)
cries into your chest sometimes after youve fallen asleep bc it’s late nights like these when he reflects on just how lucky of a guy he is to have you— it’s hard for him to articulate it directly ,, but when he does fully open up to you ab it ,, you end up crying too .
WOULD 110% MAKE THE TWO OF YOU YOUR OWN PERSONAL LIL ICE RINK AND TEACH YOU HOW TO SKATE // DO FUN FIGURE SKATING DUOS WITH YOU
➪ katsuki bakugou
prolly got with you initially bc of a dare ( and he nEVER passes up a dare ) ,, but eventually those feelings started to become real and honestly ? it kinda scared the shit outta him . he didn’t know why ,, but for some reason he didnt actually want to leave .
OKAY LARA JEAN AND PETER MF KAVINSKY TYPE BEAT ( ˘ ³˘)♥︎ HIT US WITH THE FAKE RELATIONSHIP TO REAL RELATIONSHIP TROPE YESYESYES
teasingly-mean nicknames = his love language . enough said .
AGGRESSIVE !! KISSES !! ALL !! THE DAMN !! TIME !!
makes you wear his hoodie whenever you show even the sLIGHTEST hint at being cold
he just rly wants to see you in his clothes
he’s so clueless on how to do this whole boyfriend thing ,, but he’s definitely trying bc it’s for you :”)
watches and tries so desperately to copy all the cute couples in the movies you guys watch together
“ roses...do you want roses ? “ “ what ? “ “ the guy in the movie gave her roses...do you want roses too ? “
but at the end of the day you just appreciate him for who he is and that’s more than enough for you :”)
PLS DENKI AND KIRI ARE CONSTANTLY SHOCKED AT HOW MUCH HE’S TRYING FOR YOU
will take any and every opportunity to show off his strength and quirk to you <3
now we all know this man gets jealous hella easily ,, and its no different w relationships :”) he’d constantly make it a point to hold you extra close to him in public ,, show you off on social media and call you by a nickname//petname whenever possible just to reiterate to ppl the fact that you’re his and he’s yours
WOULD LET YOU SIT ON HIS LAP AND DO HIS EYELINER AT 2AM PURELY BC YOU GOT BORED
pls i could rly see myself doing that i wont lie
honestly sometimes he forgets himself and his temper gets a little out of hand ,, but the second he sees his feral reflection in your fearful eyes,, he pulls you to his chest and apologizes profusely :”))
➪ denki kaminari
MF PROLLY GOT WITH YOU BC OF A RIGGED GAME OF SPIN THE BOTTLE AT MINA’S PLACE I CANNOT SEE ANYTH HAPPENING OTHERWISE
one tiny kiss turned into two ,, which turned into three ,, and before you knew it ,, the both of you were spilling out the pent up feelings you had for one another all this time—
mina never shuts up ab it ,, she’s so proud of her matchmaking skills
when the power goes out during a storm ,, he holds onto you tight and plays w your hair as he uses his quirk to turn things back on ,,, “ shhh it’s ok,, i’m here “
will do anything and everything to make you smile <3
he has a lil album in his camera roll with all his favourite pictures of you ,, which is practically just all of them tbh ♡´・ᴗ・`♡
HE LOVES SHOWING YOU OFF IN THE MOST WHOLESOME WAY POSSIBLE !!
super energetic n bubbly but at the end of your dates he passes out right away in your arms
you make sure to wrap him up in blankets and give him an overload of kisses after he’s rly asleep though
will work embarrassingly hard to win you stuffed animals at the fair !! it doesn’t always work ,, but it’s cute nontheless <3
some of the staff and children at the fairs get pissed off but oh well ,,, what you do for love
pls he prolly makes you lil bento boxes for lunch every now and then ( ESPECIALLY DURING EXAM WEEK ) w tiny notes and designs taped on them
constantly calls you “ shawty “ lowkey un ironically and dice rolls in ur direction whenever he sees you ,,, you just end up laughing and playfully punching him
I JUST KNOW HE DOES THE F BOY LIP BITE FACE CONSTANTLY
ITS AN ADDICTION FOR HIM I SWEAR
SUPER CLINGY BUT IN THE CUTEST WAY AAAA
LIL STICKY NOTE LOVE LETTERS FROM HIM IN YOUR LOCKER EVERY !! MF !! DAY !!!
you both agreed that at home cozy netflix dates w microwave popcorn and fuzzy blankets >>> movie theatre dates
110% made a playlist for you at some point when he crushed on you from afar and shared it w you after you started dating
he made a collaborative playlist for yall AND multiple playlists of songs that remind him of you afterwards
pls i just kNOW this man’s love language is making playlists
theyre prolly all categorized by mood or smth too w the cutest covers ever pls
➪ ejirou kirishima
you initially met him bc he was hella upset and alone this one time and you were the only one to notice and be there for him bc he ran away from everyone else to hide the “ uNmanLy “ tears :”))
takes you w him on his lil gym visits ,, hypes you up with every little thing u accomplish !!
constantly teasing bakugou with how he’s able to pull you and how lucky he is to have you
bakugou gets hella annoyed most of the time and just blasts him away-
idk bro i just feel like kiri prolly calls you “ adorable “ alot i wont lie-
LOVES HAND HOLDING,, takes any opportunity to hold ur hand and trace lil casual patterns across your knuckles w his thumb
sometimes he’ll even draw lil hearts on your hand
play fighting but sometimes the two of you get too carried away and he actually loses half of the time-
LATE NIGHT GAME NIGHTS WITH HIM AND THE BAKUSQUAD,, he loves being on the team against you so he can get all competitive
OK HEAR ME OUT;;;; DANCE BATTLES W HIM AS YOUR PARTNER AGAINST RANDOM PPL AT PARTIES
mans gets hella insecure ab himself sometimes ,, so he loves doing lil things for you !! opening a can ,, pulling the blanket over you ,, zipping up your jacket <33
STOP WAIT THATS SO CUTE BYE I WANT THAT
lets you dye his hair—THATS HOW MUCH HE TRUSTS YOU BYE
pls yall prolly aggressively play wii sports and just dance against one another on a regular basis;; it’s literally your thing and you cannot tell me otherwise ahjdjfj
pls i just KNOW this man’s an overly passionate wii player
will wrap his arms around your waist and hug u from behind as you make breakfast
WOULD WEAR MATCHING EARRINGS W YOU IF ITS FOR YOU
slow dances in the living room at midnight w you !!
eventually as you spent more time together ,,, you were able to change his idea of “ manliness “ ,, and he was able to realize that manliness is not equivalent to stoicism and that expressing ur feelings is still totally manly and totally valid !! <33
#mha x y/n#mha x reader#mha fanfiction#bnha x reader#bnha fluff#bnha bakugou#bakugou fluff#katsuki bakugo imagine#bakugou imagine#bakugou x y/n#bakugou x you#bakugou x reader#kirishima fluff#kirishima headcanon#bnha headcanons#mha hcs#bnha hcs#bnha x y/n#bnha x gender neutral reader#todoroki fluff#todoroki x reader#todoroki x y/n#todoroki headcanons#shoto todoroki#mha x gender neutral reader#denki x you#denki hcs#denki kaminari#kirishima x reader
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Obey Me Brother react to an idol!MC
hi this is my first set of headcanons for the brothers 👉👈 i apologize if the brothers are ooc in this, though i tried my best jksajdufhj. i hope you enjoy!
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Warning(s): Cursing
Reader Pronouns: They/Them (4A)
Background: MC is a very popular idol in their world, best known for their impressive singing skills, music and the amount of rewards they have recieved because of their talents. Surprisingly, they aren’t only popular in their world, but in the Devildom and Celestial Realm as well.
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Lucifer
since lucifer didnt actually read who you were on the paper that had blown to his feet, he had no idea you were an idol at first
but after couple days at RAD, he noticed that random demons kept coming up to you in between classes and didnt leave until the next class started
most of them had come up to you with a pen and some paper asking for your autograph
he was just like ???
after a while of this happening luci decided to just ask you straight up why they were coming up to you like that and you had told him you were an idol back in the human realm
that explains it
he honestly doesnt mind
if people start hating on you in public, he’ll honestly just shoot them a death glare and it works
so damn well
he got too much pride to deal with those underlings
if you start working on music/mv projects that you left off on in the human realm (like shooting mv or singing) he will absolutely rent you a recording booth or fuck, even a whole ass theatre if you needed it
sometimes he likes to sit in the recording booth and listen to you sing for a bit before returning to his stacks of mammon’s bills
v proud of you dont get him wrong
but he will make sure you’ve done all your homework first LMAO 🛌
Mammon
when mammon first found out you were an idol he started digging through boxes that had been in his closet
after what seemed like hours he finally found the box he was looking for and he started to dig through it
he pulled out an old camera that levi gave him a couple hundred years ago bc he said he didnt need it
mammon had the best idea ever, he could sell pictures of you to your fans for at least 10,000 grimm each.
surprisingly it worked
like really well
so well that you found out
you confronted him about it, saying that you find hella uncomfy with him snapping pictures of you at random times. not only that but it was an invasion of your privacy
despite him earning so much grimm, he agrees to stop but keeps some of the pictures to himself to look at when he misses you
if you get hate in public he’ll turn into his demon form and scare the person away, maybe scaring you in the procees but apologizes right away if he does
if you start working on music/mv projects he’ll offer to help you shoot mvs or record you singing if you need the help
just make sure he gets some credit for helping you
but he genuinely thinks you look amazing in anything, like anything
you could be wearing a big bird cosplay and he’ll think you look breathtaking
gets you to model w him sometimes
Leviathan
wait you look really familiar
really really familiar
you almost look and sound like that one really popular human idol that hes simped for time and time again
wait
oh shit
v embarrassed when he finds out it is actually you and gets really nervous when hes talking to you
is the demon asking for your autograph
but you have no idea how much power you have over this man
you could tell him to come out of his room and he’d come out with ease, no protesting, no nothing
may ask you to record a ringtone for him for when he wakes up
even after months of you two knowing each other, he still gets flustered when you start talking to him with your stupid cute ass eyes and your perfect hair and your perfect voice and your perfect-
yeah you get the point AKJSDKLASFBG
if you get hate in public he will deadass growl at the person before escorting you to your favorite ice cream place
if you start working on music/mv projects he will be by your side 24/7
he wants to see the god/ess themselves at work
hes like your personal butler for the time youre working on the projects and its adorable
hes bby
Satan
when he finds out youre an idol he will 100% voulenteer to help you write lyrics for your next song
but besides that, like luci, he really doesnt mind
he hears some other demons talking shit about you after art class and he’ll be angy as usual, but after stomping off and accidentally bumping into you he just
turned into puddy??
idk what it was but it was something abt they way your hair was a lil messed up and looking at him like that wish a small embarrassed look
just wow
every ounce of anger just evaporated while you apologized over and over again because the face he was making made him look like he was angry for some reason
when he snaps back into reality he says its cool but then asks if youd like to go to the library w him because honestly youre his safe haven now
sometimes he asks you to hum a tune for him when hes reading
if the demons start hating again, you may need to hold him back KJASNDJFG
if you start working on music/mv projects, again, will voulenteer for helping with lyrics
if you already have the lyrics down he’ll review them and give constructive critisisim if needed
or he’ll just write every lyric himself and you can judge it after hes done
Asmodeus
is not surprised at all
hes actually heard some of your songs and damn id he doesnt have them on his “on repeat” playlist on devilfy
he thinks you have an outstanding voice, not only that but youre a gorgeous lookin thing
asmo likes to hit on you a lot because he likes to see that flustered look on your face but he would never over your boundaries
he wouldnt want to be over the internet bc he made one of the most praised artists in devildom (thats not even a demon) angry
asmo doesnt want to be cancelled yet JKSJKDGFUA
but seriously, he thinks youre amazing
like really amazing
there like no lust involved in his admiration for you he just geniunely thinks youre cool
but he does think you look amazing 24/7
will ask you to model things for him for devilgram
if you get hate in public, he’ll hold your hands and shower you with compliments and tells you to ignore them
if you start working on music/mv project he will insist on doing backup vocals or being a backup dancer
or like the head backup dancer or whatever theyre called
is like your personal stylist wherever you go as well
along with that he can also help you come up with a beat for your song if you need one, he is more than happy to help someone like you
Beelzebub
he honestly thinks youre really cool
asmo showed him one of your songs before and thought it sounded really catchy
not only that, you sounded beautiful, almost like you were actually from the celestial realm, consider him a fan
so when you showed up for the new exchange program he was surprised but got really giddy
was one of the demons who asked for your autograph
you gave him a sweet smile after he asked and he just- melted
man down man down
will want to spend lost of time with you and take you to ristorante six on fridays as his treat
you usually end up paying though which he feels really guilty about but you tell him its fine
youre an idol who is loaded to the chest, youve got nothing to lose KLSKADJHF
if you get hate in public he’s also the type to death glare but people dont really hate on you in public when youre w him bc he has a naturally scary aura
lowkey thought you wouldnt like him at first :(
if you start working on mv/music projects he’ll start cooking you meal and making sure you get enough water
will absolutely cook your favorite meal- or any meal in fact- if you request it
if you dont request anything he’ll just wing it and make something he think you’ll like kjskdhsf
Belphegor
couldnt care less 🧍
he thinks your voice is pretty nice tho
hears beel listening to your music once and agrees w him on you having a really nice voice
lowkey sing him to sleep
like its super cute
plus he thinks youre gorgeous?? like wow you rlly pretty
once tried rubbing your face bc he thought you were wearing makeup but when nothing came up on his thumb he muttered a small “wow” and hugged you
it was the cutest thing ever ohmy god KJSJDSIF
ever since that day hes obtained a habit of rubbing your face when he finds you stunning or at random moments
if you get hate in public he will literally murder the person?? but in like an alleyway or something
he’ll say something like “wait here” and walks toward a dark area to do his thang
when he comes back he’s covered in this red shit and you worry for him but he just glosses over it and takes you into a pillow shop LMAO
he is v protective over you
if you start working on mv/music projects he’ll occasionally help out but most of the time he’s sleeping so he doesnt really care
sometimes he’ll give beat/lyric suggestions or help flim the mv but thats it 🧍
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#obey me!#obey me#obey me headcanon#obey me headcanons#obey me lucifer#obey me mammon#obey me levi#obey me leviathan#obey me satan#obey me asmo#obey me asmodeus#obey me beel#obey me beelzebub#obey me belphie#obey me belphegor
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mama i’m in love with a hitman
summary: two years with barry what could go wrong? oh yeah hes a murderer-
warnings: some angst, marriage proprosal oop-
you had originally begun acting because it was the only affordable option to get you some time away from your family. ya, you still lived with your family.
anyways, acting became kind of like a release for you. you had been going for about 4 months now, you loved everyone you worked with, they were such great people.
then one day, barry berkman showed up,
and basically changed your life.
the first day you saw him, your heart basically feel out of your ass. holy shit was this guy hot; tall, mysterious, and awkward as hell. perfect.
you took him under your wing, immediately engaging with him and bugging him about his person endeavors and whatnot. you two became inseparable, youre bascially the only reason he even uses his messaging app.
you showed him the ropes of LA, giving him tours of sketchy venues, shitty Chinese restaurants. you always felt so awful for him, dragging him around to every place.
"I'm sorry, barry, im just trying to give you the full LA experience"
"its ok, being seen with the prettiest girl in LA isnt so bad"
yeah, one thing led to another, and you had moved into barry's apartment a year after. your relationship was strong; you cuddle, argue, fuck, all of that modern day romance contraband.
everything was exceptional, other than the fact that he was dragging his feet on marrying you...
yeah, you had dropped some major hints. wedding magazines everywhere, leaving honeymoon deals up on the desktop, evening face timing your friend and talking obnoxiously loud about the idea of getting hitched.
tomorrow was your two year anniversary, and you two had been buzzing about it all week, all the lovey dovey language and such.
"babe, tomorrows the day" he squeezed your shoulders from behind you. you were sitting at the coffee table, and he had just served you toast. "i know old man, didnt think we'd last did ya?" "first of all, im only like four years older than you, second" he kissed you on your temple "i knew you were the one."
in the midst of sipping your coffee and passing back and forth news papers, barry’s phone begins to vibrate; the name “Fuches” catches your eye. who was fuches and why did barry have to step out of the room to answer it?
when he came back he looked ghostly, his complexion pale and his lips quivering slightly. “all ok?” you ask, trying to sound lowkey; “uh um- yep. just have to head out for a bit, they need me at work.”
he left abruptly after, grabbing a hat and his black coat. weird. it was the middle june.
you hadn’t heard from him all day, except for a text at lunch that said
barry: Won’t be home tonight, dont forget to lock up.
your heart sunk, the day before your two year. i mean really what was his damage? you didn’t realize how hard it was to fall asleep without him, you tossed and turned until you eventually caved in and called.
ring...... ring.....
ring..........ring......
‘hey! it’s barry berk-uh um block! leave a message if you want to i guess um ok bye howthefuck do i turnthisthing off-OHH!’
oh how you missed that dorky man, true, it had only been a few hours but his touch was your saving grace. the line beeped and you decided to leave him something
“aha hey bar, y/n here. beds cold without you. miss you. be safe.”
the night way cold and long, you were drifting to sleep. but you heard the front door jangle. you sleepily run down the hall way and run straight into barry. you hugged him, his bosy was stiff and he was trying to inch away from you. "bar!" you whined looking up at him, his nose was bloody and he had a black eye.
“bar?” you wiped his cupid’s bow, the sleepy haze quickly wearing off. he pushes past you “just fell, please just wait for me in bed.” by the time you caught up with him at the bathroom, the door was already shut.
you heard the shower turn on, and you could hear him faintly hiss in pain. he was in there for a while, by the time he got back you could hear the birds chirp, which means it must have been close to 5 am. the sun was still down, and you watch his dark figure slip into bed next you to.
“i love you.” he whispered
“i love you too.” you turned to face him, you knew something was up, you knew he had been hiding something.
“you always leave in the night, when i’m sleeping you always leave barry. is it another women?” barry’s face contorts into a confused scribble. “y/n what? you’re the only one.”
“then why don’t you tell me what you’re really up to. go’s we’ve been dating for two years and you can’t even tell me why you sneak away in the night?!”
barry grabs your hands and puts them close to his face “god y/n i’m sorry happy two years” he gushed and kisses your fingers. a tear trailed down his stubbly cheek. “there are just things i can’t tell you because i don’t want to lose you.”
this hurt you, barry knew all of your deepest secrets, the things you never told anyone other then him. all of this had you worked up, how could he speak to you this way the day of your two year mark? despite his protests, you packed a tooth brush and drove to your friends to stay the night. this was just too much for 3am, you needed space. to clear your head.
you didnt sleep at all that night, you nodded off from 8am to 10, your friend waking you up. "girl i know you dont want to hear this... but barry is outside, hes been parked here since 9" she threw your jeans at you "now go outside and work this shit out, im not prepared to deal with your heart boken ass."
so you put on jeans, and headed for disaster.
you came outside, 'sleepy always looks so good on her' barry thought to himself. you loved him so much, it was so hard to fight with him.
"listen bar, im sorry im just sensitive you know th-"
"y/n"
barry never interrupted you. for as long as you remember there has never once been a time where barry talked over you, or interrupted what you were saying. its something you loved about him, he always seemed so interested in what you had to say, he thought your words where so important.
"yes?"
he pulled a rolled up magazine out of his pack pocket, it was yours, it had faded circles on what cakes and dresses you wanted. he unrolled it and scurried to the 5th page. he pointed at the big raise ranch that you put exclamation points next to.
"this house, i want this house."
he went to the 8th page.
"and this car, we could have that if i stop going to wendys so much"
he giggled to himself and mumbled something about how he knows a guy that can re pair a cooling system.
'uh-um ok barry, what does this have to do with anything? house, car, is this what you drove over here to tell me? you want a better car? you need a bigger house."
he shook his head and trialed to the second page with that beautiful sheath wedding dress, you remembered that.
"youll wear this yeah? some time in the early fall. wouldnt that be nice, still warm, and the leaves-oh the leaves- orange and yellow bring out your eyes so i just figured."
he pulled out the rock, and shit, it didn’t disappoint. you’re not materialistic but what the FUCK?! how did he even afford that-
he slipped it on your finger and you both embraced. messy kisses all over whatever skin you two could find. it was bliss, it was happiness.
you hugged for a while. just sat there reflecting on how far you two had come, and how happy he was going to make you feel for the res rod your life. it’s crazy, you thought marriage wasn’t in the cards for you. but with barry, you can see 5 kids, a dog, and a stupid picket fence.
you were so captured in this moment, you didn’t notice barry’s demeanor change. you looked up and him, he was pale white, staring behind his shoulder at the street. you leaned over his forearm and saw a beat up mom car.
in it was a shaggy dude, didn’t look too much older then barry. he was plump in the face, and his face was aged.
“fuches!?” barry exclaimed.
“come on. we have a hit, i habe your sniper in the back. now.”
another WHAT?
#bill hader#bill hader imagine#bill hader fluff#barry#barry berkman#barry block#barry bergman imagine#barry berkman fluff#fluff#angst#barry x reader#barry x you#barry fluff#marriage
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YOUR ART IS SO COOL!! also i think if the haunted house au was an actual sjm mod sado's spawn area would be the prison from the hex where lazarus frees sado except you're in the first person pov of lazarus (except you're also not lazarus you're some guy who went into a mansion and now has to face the consequences. maybe instead of hitting the buttons with the gun like in the hex you hit them with the axe), and when you free sado and she disappears suddenly everything becomes dark. everyone in the cells disappears and a hallway that wasnt there before opens up back at the beginning and the lasers disappear (i feel like it would be much easier to explain what im talking about if i drew it but that would require making a hex sideblog so i can show you. and ive been procrastinating making a hex sideblog). i think sado's chase would be like a dark void behind her with eyes in it (like specimen 7's wall. except it wouldnt instakill if you touched it bc i think that would be unfair) and the walls during the chase would also be completely dark with eyes on them (also like specimen 7). i think sado would be able to go through walls quicker like specimen 8 also. idk how much damage she would deal yet or all the other specimen stat stuff they put on the sjm wiki but i hope my rambling isnt incomprehensible im going to go back and make sure theres no run on sentences so its actually readable -sjm anon
Okok finally answering this bc I gotta get over my fear of. Im not sure what it is but boy does it exist.
Aight first bc im gonna go in chronological-ish order with this: Ty!!! Gonna try to make more concept designs and shit this weekend, we'll see hehe. Gotta add a read more bc its long so. Yeah
Honestly?? I do like the concept of Sado having to be freed as a reference to vg2 in the actual au. Not to mention the horror aspect. Might serve as some sort of fun transition type thing. Maybe between FPP and Reggie/Jeremiah's thing?? Bc i DO have her whole thing planned out when it comes to the actual encounter, but also it might help solidify my plans with R+J. And yeah Lionel would DEF be facing the consequences of goin into the mansion so like. Smth smth poor wet paper towel of a man or whatever.
i DID have to google Specimens 7 + 8 despite rping an au of sjm with my gf, bc i COMPLETELY forget which specimen is which. And also I didnt see all their designs, so like. Yknow. Forgot the cat was surrounded by weird flesh walls tbh and I was VERY confused. I did recognize the 2 tho!! So I mean. I get brownie points for that, right? /j I also saw the game over thing for if Spec. 8 kills you, bc my gf sent it to me. That fucker reminds me of Bone Lord in a way I can't explain /pos
Also yeah i DO gotta figure out actual stats for these bitches huh. Might also ref. sjm for that bc my only ideas for stats would be like. Health and damage. Sooo yknow. Idk what the stats in sjm are but im assuming theres gotta be AT LEAST 1 or 2 more than that. I'd watch a playthrough but bc of that au my gf and i did i already know the important lore and shit, and i get bored VERY easily so. We'll see what happens. And personally playing it aint an option. I cant personally play horror games, im a coward.
Also dw sjm anon, i COMPLETELY understand the bit abt the ramble being comprehensible or not. I have gone on many rambles to my friends/gf that probably made 0 sense, but who cares bc im havin fun
Going back to a thing I mentioned earlier, I'll go over my R+J plans I figured out while rambling to my gf in a different post, bc I wanna make a proper post abt that. And also with the new Sado ideas I need to solidify some stuff first lmao
#the hex haunted house au#this au has become one of my newest brainrots im JUST realizing#its been a couple days since ive thought abt it but upon answering this ask?#the Thoughts are back#for someone who loves horror plots/lore#i sure am a fucking coward JWFBHWJBFHW#i'll get over it one day. maybe#scov.txt
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