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msiopao · 5 years ago

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Sera with the Members

a/n: mark is in this because dream is now a fixed unit and he’s part of the lineup!!!!!!

WATERMELON ADDICT

was the person who made Sera comfortable since he reminded her of home

always asks if canadian bacon is better than american bacon

‘i dONt kNoW, sERa! mEAT iS mEaT!’

she didnt actually cry on stage when he was leaving but she cried when it was just the two of them and he recorded for the last time

it was her idea for hyuck to buy him a big bottle of ketchup

CANNOT believe that mark was a churchboy and ends up acting up in music videos

the duality SCARES her

calls her finny since her name is serafina

sera has her own room but she has an extra bed so he sleeps in there when he spends the night

learned this watermelon shake to help mark’s hangover

english all the time

ever since they met, mark has always placed his elbow on her head due to her short height

sera learned this fried rice recipe from her mom and he goes over to their dorm for breakfast

‘mark bls dont touch anything. get out of the kitchen and go watch tv or something’

always brings up his messed up eggs

‘gordon spitting facts tho’

whenever he feels too overworked or too pressured, sera has always made it a point to come over to their dorm and have a movie night with just the 2 of them with his favorite snacks and drinks

LONJIN

omg these two

sera is typically not mean but when renjun starts, she becomes ruthless

always calling out his fake personality

‘everyone, don’t believe him! he’s 2 faced!’

‘what are you even saying! you act like you’re so quirky and giggly but you yeeted jisung into the wall last night!’

‘YAH!’

so yea, they fight a lot

but its very playful and they know where that line is drawn and not cross it

he talks to her about space and aliens and she listens to every word bc renjun sounds so confident and happy whenever he talks about that stuff

they’re actually 10 days apart but sera acts like she’s 10 years older than him

‘IS THAT HOW YOU TALK TO SOMEONE OLDER?!’

‘okay, granny’

always in awe whenever renjun draws and paints and she really likes seeing him in his element

unbeknowst to her, he actually draws her a lot

wants to frame all of his work

they go out to the roof and stargaze

he steals her airpods just to watch her go crazy

once hid her phone in the fridge

lives for his vocals

cannot believe how much he’s grown from chewing gum era to now

her heart strings were tugged when he cried in dnyl

renjun always says that he wishes sera was born as his little sister bc they act like they’re siblings

EYESMILE PRINCE

hmm

so their is kinda complicated

sera’s closest to him than all the members bc 1, he was her first friend and 2, he has cats

before, when they still went to school, her and jeno always went together

yes, jaemin and jeno and her went together in the beginning

but jaemin was in the hospital and recovering so it just became them 2

also, she goes to visit his parents so she can see his cats

this results to his parents and older sister adoring her

‘bongsik, nal, and seol are my kids’ - lee sera, 00 line vlive

she always craves for attention and when it isnt given bc he’s too busy playing, she just walks into his room and sits on his lap while he plays

tries to get his attention by saying stuff but he teases her by acting like she aint there

‘fine, i’ll go to jaemin’

jeno wasnt supposed to be blonde for the comeback but they were just messing around and next thing they knew, jeno’s tips were bleach blonde

when shes on that,,,, time,,,,, hes the only one in the dorm she listens to

not even johnny, who’s practically her father

collabs with her mukbang show and jsmr

he mentions her like at least once whenever he has lives that she’s not in

steals his glasses all the time just to watch him wander around with this confused adorable face

hugs are so cute w these two and czennies see them hugging in videos and she can barely reach his shoulder

forehead kisses and sweater paws for daysss

NANA

drop dead gorgeous boy

shes not safe from jaemin’s affections

*cue jeno glaring at him for stealing her*

we all know how much he loves the members and whenever sera breathes, he busts his uwus

takes so many pictures of her

sera buys him lots of lip balms and carmex but he always forgets to put them on

sera hates peaches but she buys him peach flavored sweets whenever she sees them

‘NANA!!’

sera is also an attention whore so she always runs to him and wraps her arms around him and he squeals by how cute she is

bought him an expensive camera for his birthday

has a polaroid picture of him in her clear phone case

actually, her phone background is an old picture of predebut sera, jeno, and jaemin

one of the rare moments where she cried was when she found out that jaemin wouldnt be in a few comebacks bc he was sick

kept visiting him and jaemin cannot repay her enough

the dorm is full of ryan and winnie plushies from the sofa, a tiny winnie plush on the corner of the island counter, and their bedrooms

sera is the one who always throws away the his satanic drink even though it’s still full

‘yah, you need to think about your health and if it your body is tired, dont fight it by trying to drink these to keep your energy’

sleepovers with them are often and sometimes found sleeping on the spare bed in her room

FULL SUN

our big babie

oh boi when he got hurt

sera called him twice a day, one in the morning and one at night, just to check if it’s still hurting and making sure he’s resting

forever remembers when he dressed up as a girl

‘you see, i’m not the only girl member. dongsuk is just on hiatus right now’

his name on her phone is ‘man-child’

when he went on tour with 127, she really missed him

like she missed him so much that she kept posting on instagram for him to hurry back home

still mad that he moved dorms to be with the older members

when sera got sick, she made him sing ‘no longer’ to her like a lullaby

when he asks sera to do something for him, usually she says no because he asks her to do ridiculous things but his aegyo always convinces her

thinks his color amblyopia is so fascinating and adds more into the unique traits he has

another attention giver and she loves hugging him because he gives really warm hugs

one time, jeno and sera had a fight and it got so bad that hyuck had to be called and he was the only one who got to talk some sense in sera to talk to jeno

but the legendary markhyuck summer fight was resolved because sera yelled at them and cried since they are best friends and they shouldnt be like that to each other

they made up since ‘wow sera cried’ and ‘the members are ready to beat us up if we continue this’

and by members, like all members, including the older ones

sera knows how much being the moodmaker title burdens him so she tries to ease that burden by talking to him just the two of them

DOLPHIN CHILD

look how adorable he is UWU

he is 1/2 of sera’s sons

like she’s whipped for him and jisung and he knows it too

‘noona~’

‘yes, i will give you the world, the stars, and the moon’

thinks his laugh is endearing and is sad that it isnt that high-pitched anymore since his voice got a little deeper

cannot believe how much he’s grown too

when he speaks in chinese, sera thinks its the cutest thing

‘can we give his scalp some rest? its not healthy for the boy’

trust fund babies

you know how chenle has 3 airpods?

sera went through 4 phones since she keeps losing or breaking it

dont ask how bc shes as clumsy as namjoon

had this phase where he wouldn’t stop back-hugging his noona and she just left it alone

always buys him snacks and cooks him a lot of food bc she thinks he’s too skinny and wants him to be healthy and gain some fat on those cheeks again

on their break, she went to china with jisung and her lock screen is a picture of her and chenle holding his nephew

triggered her baby fever

czennies ship them but he makes it clear she’s the older sister he’s never had

nct dream took a vacation to her hometown and she bought them basketball tickets so chenle could see his idol

his mom practically adopted her since she goes over to his apartment all the time whenever the others are getting too much for her

she misses him so much its not even funny

JISUNG PWARK

our maknae is growing up :(

sera had the whole family sit and watch the first episode of dancing high

so proud of her boy

she called him during the show and it was shown and heard about her telling him to take care of himself and to not be too hard on his body and that she’s waiting for him at home

as the youngest member overall, sera babies him the most

he obvs takes advantage of it and she used to cuddle him to sleep when he was younger bc he had a hard time sleeping

again, cooks for him a lot since he’s a growing boy and making sure he takes vitamins and drinks water and limit sugary things

she calls his mom to give him updates about her son

remember his phone that he used until it actually died?

sera actually bought him a new one before that happened and just casually gave it to him

‘i know this was going to happen so i just took care of it. i have to take care of you, jisung-ah’

hypes him up whenever he dances bc wow this boy is actually talented

doesnt really like skinship but he tolerates it when she holds his hands bc theyre so much bigger than hers

one day just woke up and she got so confused when jisung grew up

‘did you grow in your sleep?’

‘n-no?’

loves his awkward nature and she keeps saying how adorable he is and cute he is whenever he acts cool

god, she’s just so whipped for him

but tbh, who isn’t?

aaaahhhhhh i cannot believe our wish came true and they became a fixed unit and we really getting a comeback and an mv in the 29th!!!

#nct dream #nct #nct 22nd member #nct dream 8th member #nct au #nct dream imagines #nct dream imagine #nct dream scenarios #nct dream scenario #nct dream 8th member au #8th member of nct dream #nct 22nd member au #22nd member of nct #nct dream female member #nct female member #nct female addition #nct dream female addition

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reeree1500 · 5 years ago

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His Aphrodisiac...Part 2 Vampire Ivar! x Reader

Disclaimer: Smut 😏(an attempt), spelling and grammar mistakes😬 and my cliched imagination🤣Thank you for all the love and support💕☺️

Taglist: @yanii-the-hippie @peaceisadirtyword @laketaj24 @oceans-daughter-3 @camatsuru @youbloodymadgenius @calum-hoodwinked-me @wuxiesalt @supernaturalvikingwhore @readsalot73 @affection-rabbit @blonddnamedhandz @paintballkid711 @ivarthethiccness @limbo-limbo-limbo @funmadnessandbadassvikings

Weeks had gone by after our steamy session in Ivar’s office. I still couldn’t process the fact that he was a vampire. That ancient tale of a monster who sought nothing but blood was true. However, he had proved otherwise. Ivar didn't seem like the type of person to go around sucking people’s blood just because he felt like it. No, he was the type that when I had a problem he would make it disappear. Like Johnathan, my ex-fiancee who wouldn't stop harassing me. As soon as Ivar had found out about him, he never showed up again. It was as if he had disappeared into thin air. Of course I was relieved at the time, but now I cant help but think about if Ivar had anything to do with it...

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it was the night of the annual Lothbrok Corp dinner. Only a select few people from the office were to attend as many of our sister branches would also send their representatives. Not to mind the fact that the founders of Lothbrok corp would all be there as well, with their friends and family. This year the dinner had been set to occur at Ivar’s mansion upstate. This included a secluded area where the next house wouldnt be in sight for miles. Ivar was a man of privacy and now I could understand why. The dinner was to start in an hour and I had yet to finish my makeup. I wasn't really one to amazing at it, but I knew what would compliment my (y/s/t) complexion. As I finish applying my mascara, I take one last look in the mirror before heading out to the kitchen to find my phone and call an Uber. Taking my coat in one hand and juggling my keys, phone and purse in the other. I manage to somehow lock the door, but not before I’m met with a pair of electric blue eyes. “I..Ivar. W...What are you doing here?” I manage to say through my shock.

“You haven't returned any of my calls or messages since that night (y/n). I wouldn't admit this to anyone else, but I was genuinely worried about you.” He trails off as he says the last part whilst avoiding my gaze. “Ive just had a lot on my mind, Ivar. Im sorry.” I say looking anywhere except his eyes, knowing full well the effect they had on me. In a flash Ivar stepped away from the limousine, took my coat and placed it on his arm and grabbed my hand dragging me towards it. “Ivar what are you doing my Uber’s here.” “I gave him 100 bucks and sent it away. You're coming with me.” He whispers the last part close to my ear before shoving me inside the limo. His tone of voice wasn't all the way warm, it had hints of his icy personality in them and made it hard to breathe for me.

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The car ride was awkward and filled with lots of tension. Ivar tried multiple times to start a conversation with me, but I paid him no mind. I sat as far away as possible from him, I could swear that there were times where I thought that I would fall out the door. His hands would “accidentally” (as he said) wander all over my legs, tracing patterns and ever so often trailing even higher. It took everything in me to ignore his advances, and he knew very well the effects his touch had on me. His mere touch created a pool of wetness down there and the bastard knew it. Before his hand could go any further, the view of a great mansion surrounded by nothing but trees caught my eye. “Woah, that's huge.” I said as I looked out the window. “And its all yours (y/n), if you’d just have me.” Ivar says as he turns my head and stares into my (e/c) eyes. Getting lost in his electric blue orbs I lose all sense of why I was upset at him. It’s as if it’s only us two and the whole world disappeared when I look at him. Before either one of us could act upon our feelings once again, we’re interrupted by the driver as he pulls up in front of the house. “Oh for fucks sake! Someone is always interrupting us!” Ivar screams out, startling me a little as his eyes began to glow. His sudden outburst made me want to run away, but also made me feel as if I should have calmed him down. Ivar turns to me and he just stares, no sudden movements or words just a blank stare. In seconds Ivar is out of the car and opening the door for me. If I hadnt known that he was a vampire I could've sworn that it had all been a fix of my imagination and that he truly wasnt there.

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As Ivar led from the limo inside the mansion, I couldnt help but admire the artwork and intricate design of his house. It was something truly unexpected from him. Once inside the ballroom Ivar had disappeared, I guess to greet everyone and say hello to his family. Whom I know he hasn't seen for the longest time. I however, am very overwhelmed and I think it may have to do with the fact that everybody’s eyes are on me. I don't do very well in public scenarios like this one and all the attention is making me a little sick. There was security all over the place and although intimidating I knew that I had to find a washroom as quickly as possible, so I could lock myself in there all night. The bodyguard didn't even speak, he just pointed towards the stairs and went back to acting as if I wasnt there. Shrugging it off I make my way up the stairs only to find a corridor with an exceptional amount of doors. Internally cursing myself I make my way down and knock on every door, but they're all locked. I almost gave up until I saw the double doors on the right. Obviously this couldn't be bathroom, but at this point I didn't care, I just had to find a place to stay till it was time to go.

As I opened the double doors Im greeted by an awfully dark lit room, with intricate black designs. The cravings on the bed posts and the paintings around are those of ancient nordic runes, something that led me to believe that this might have been Ivar’s room. I knew of his great admiration foe his background, he loved anything that had to do with nordic beliefs and ancient gods. Making may way inside Im transfixed by all the artwork and details around me that I fail to acknowledge the presence that lies in the corner of the room. “So, I seem you've made yourself acquainted with my room already, (y/n)” Ivar says as he walks out of the shadows with his crutches? “Oh my God, Ivar are you okay? I literally left you for less than an hour and you've already gone an injured yourself! Wait, I dont mean to sound like a bitch/ignorant or anything, but why do you have crutches? Aren't like vampires supposed to be like physically invincible?” I said all in one breath, as Ivar just cocked his head to the side and stared at me. “You honestly believe everything that the media tells you, dont you?” Point taken, all I knew about vampires were form shows, movies and books that were then turned into movies or shows. “Anyway, before I became a vampire, I was actually a viking. Hence all the nordic runes everywhere and the massive tattoo on my chest and back. My family was very rich and my father Ragnar was king. However, unlike my siblings I was born without function in my legs. Which is why I use those metal braces in the corner over there while I'm in public, and these only around people I trust.” He says moving closer to me. “Now, tell me as to what drew you to come in to my room without me, (Y/n).” Ivar says as he draws my name longer than he has to, in a very sensual tone that makes my knees tremble.

“(y/n), give in. Dont fight it, we were meant to be. You're the reason I can finally feel alive. If it weren't for you, I probably would've kept roaming this world with no sense of purpose. I know you feel this connection. So once again , will you let me take care of you?” And in that moment all senses had been thrown out the window.

Ivar closed the gap with his hot mouth against yours. You gasped as you felt the heat spiral through you, as you ran your fingers through his soft locks. Throwing the crutches to the side Ivar manages to pick you up the hips and deepens the kiss. The sensual dance between your tongue and his is soon over as you cave in to his dominance and let his explore your mouth, slowly with deliberate movements. “Ahhhh...” A moan escapes your lips as his lips move down to your neck. “Since I saw you in that dress earlier tonight, it took everything in me to not act on impulse.” Making his way to the bed, Ivar lays you gently on the back satin sheets and holds himself up as his roam over your body in admiration. Ivar then looks at you for permission as his fingers begin unlacing and unzipping your dress. As Ivar kisses along to every spot that is unveiled to him, goosebumps begin to raise along your skin. You had longed for this moment for awhile, but had denied yourself of the pleasure due to your fear. Oh how stupid could I have been you thought to yourself as you relish in the pleasure that this man brought you every time he kissed and caressed you. “You're so beautiful...” Ivar says as he touches you with reverent fingers, as he begins caressing that part of your body that is not very often explored.

His fingers begin tracing the inside of my hips as his head dips down to my flower. Ivar takes my clit into his mouth and gently bites it, bringing a pleasure that I cannot describe. My hips buck up to him on their own accord asking for more. But he holds me down and brings his face up to mine. His intense gaze had distracted me for a second as his ministrations towards my clit were over. But before I could beg him and ask him for more, it was as fi Ivar had already beat me to it. In a flash he had dipped and curled 2 of his massive fingers into my hole. Pumping them in at an alarmingly fast rate. “I..Ivar, that feels so good!” I manage to say through my moans that are increasingly louder as I throw my head back from all this pleasure. Ivar’s pace becomes steady and his lips are now focused on my right breast, kissing and caressing it as if it were his favourite thing in the world. My hands uncurl form the sheets and move towards his head caressing it and then bringing it up so that I could kiss him. This time I wanted to show him that I too cared for him. And all that fear had been washed away, this man had been everything to me the minute I started working for him and Would be damned if I let him get away. Vampire or not!

Bringing him in for a kiss Ivar tries to take control and dominate again, but this time I would be in control. I manage to shock Ivar with the lack of submission that he’s used to seeing from me. I use this to my advantage and flip us over. Trying to not hurt him in the process. I break apart our kiss and stare deeply into his eyes as our heave breaths begin to entangle with each other and become one. I slowly remove his fingers from my hole, much to his dismay. And before he could protest I place my finger to his lips. “You've shown me how much you care for me. Time and time again Ivar. Let me show you that I care too.” At this his eyes hold admiration, surprise, and hints uncertainty. Making my way down his body, I leave trail of kisses form his chest all the way down to his legs. Taking my time kissing every part of them and staring into his eyes with love and tenderness, which he mirrors in his gaze towards me. I then make my way up to his long and already hard cock. Oozing with loads of precum. Licking the excess I take as much as I can into my mouth as I wrap my hangs around the base his very thick and long shaft. Pumping and bobbing my head I can feel and hear Ivar’s pleasure. His hands wrap around my (h/l)(h/c) hair and his hips thrust forward. I can see that he is reaching his high and before I could make him cum, he pulls out of my mouth. “I’d like to cum inside you, if you'd let me (y/n)” He says as his hands pull my face into a heated kiss.

Climbing on top of him I go to position myself on his member. However, Ivar flips us around so that he is the one on top. I could only look at him in shock for a second before my eyes roll back as I feel him thrust into me with one swift movement. My hands wrap around his torso, and claw at his back from the overwhelming sense of pleasure. Our moans become a melody to my ears, but soon I can feel myself reaching that high. “Ivar.....Im gonna” “I know baby, me too.” And just like that with a few more of his powerful thrusts Ivar and I reach our edge. Ivar and I stare into each others eyes with admiration and love. My hands without thought brush the strands from his hair away from his sweaty face. “Dont leave me ever again (y/n), I mean it. Those weeks that went by were probably the hardest of my life.” He breathes out as he caresses my face and body so gently, as if he were thinking that I would just vanish right there. “I would never think of leaving you again, ever. Im your aphrodisiac after all. What would you do without me?” And without a care in the world we lied in each others arms whilst the party roared downstairs, and the host nowhere to be found.

#vikings #vikings history channel #vikings fanfiction #vikings fandom #vikings ivar #ivar #ivar the boneless #ivar lothbrok #ivar x reader #reader x ivar #one shot #vikings smut #vikings fluff

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cybernightwanderer · 4 years ago

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“ My Reiki and Yoga New Free Soul Brother - Once an abuser manipulative thieve , money driven leach “

Well thats a big tittle to describe one person entirely. So my ( midle ) brother across my kid years and then teenager developing to adult, my brother was an interesting person. For example, in school my brother would pretend he didnt know me , and if i even dared to aproach him he would shame me in front of everyone, even thought they already knew i was his sister, i was bullied a lot in school so at the start i tried a few times reaching out to him , specially because i didnt have any friends and id always be alone. This motherfucker who was already a teenager completly dismissed me , BUT would actually seek me out or talk to me when he needed lunch money because he already “ spent his”, funny enough hed get mine to eat coz he didnt wanna use his, and if i didnt gave him even though i hadnt eaten , he would guilty me badly , and being the kid that i was , my brother was everything to me , even tho he didnt gave a shit about me.

So in consequence i started drawing a distance line between me and him, at home id start to distance myself and ignore him. And he started getting like a really attention whore, hed always annoye me , and force me to hangout, and i didnt he would threaten me or do some shit at the house and blame me for it , because my mother at the tinniest shit at home would beat the crap out of me , so me being the little kid that i was tired of getting beatings for no random reason , id play along. My brother would literally antagonzie me and scare the shit out of me while so. Everytime my family went anywhere , for example the beach, id try to go to the water alone for some peace this motherfucker would sneak behind me and try to drown me as a joke , like every 5 minutes, id yell in panic and my mom wouldnt do shit, eventually id end up actually chocking on water and hit my head on the sand and cry the rest of the time. So yeah FUN ! Did my mom do anything ? ofc no , “ hes just playing around “. I had BD collections that id buy with my lunch money that sometimes id save up, disney movie cassettes and so on. Sometimes id have snacks in my room to eat when studying or something. My brother, being a full grown ass teenager that he was , would steal everything without me even catching a glimpse of it. My brother would “ borrow “ things without asking then hide them because he wanted. I had two final fantasy collectible caracters that i spent my leftover bday money on, and my brother would take it as his own. Yes because whatever birthday money i got wether it be 50 euros or even 20 from my grandma or aunt, my mom would take it “ borrowed” for herself with no justification, shed always say “ Ah lend me i need it / or / I always buy you clothes and everythings, i buy you food , you owe me this , thats the minimum you could do / “ or / she would just take it without me knowing , she would inspect my bday gifts and take it before hand , the problem is that my grandma or aunt would always after if i was gonna save it up and id ask what and they would question what i did with the money and i would ask what money and blah blah , you get where this is going.

OH and if i didnt give my money the money she would beat me up ! wich is funny asf. My brother literally sold all my things behind my back, my original BDS, MY FUCKING POISON IVY STORYLINE BD, my disney cassetes , my collectibles, and my snacks he would steal and eat. If i had saved up money hidden, first he would try to borrow it and guilty me with the “ im such a good brother to you , you cant even lend me money ? i will pay you back, trust me “ ... ofc he never payed me back , but every two weeks he woul do this shit. And if i by any chance didnt gave him , hed just steal, or sell my things, wich regardless of me lending him , he would do it anyway. Fast forward to my early teenage years, i had to start working , i quit school because we entered that internet deth with my moms company, wich my brother also contributed to but let the blame to me ofc, i was already the punch bag of the family what is one more thing. My brothers were always my moms “ babies “ even tho one was already a full grown ass man and the other was already on his way. My brother did nothing at home , didnt take the dog outside, didnt take out the trash, didnt make food, didnt wash the dishes, didnt clean the house, basicly sit on his ass all day playing video games and eating, and selling my shit for money. My brother was unemployed for 3/4 years in between those i studied and worked at the same time , and did all the house chores, even if i had to walk the dog as 2/3 am after work i would have to, even tho my brother was in bed all day. My mom would literally yell at me and make my life a living hell and threaten to hit me if i didnt do it or even dared to complain. I would get home trying to study , trying to recorver at school ,and she would yell non stop until i didn every house chore, wich i would only manage to finish at midnight or later, and then id be too tired and unmotivated to do anything so id just sleep, and id always get late to class thanks to that. When my brothers started working, it was at my dads wearehouse, where i was forced to work too. Id work 8 to 10 hours , sometimes more, because we got payed by publicity stock packs, each pack was worth 1 euro, wich also 1 pack took 1 hour and 15/20 minutes to make. So if i wanted to make the day worth anything i had to rush , no eating breaks or pee breakes. My hands at the end of the day would literally be filled with newspaper and printed paper ink and dirk, and tons of cuts and sores , that would be leeched in paper ink, wich make it hurt even more at the end of the day, and was really hard to take it out. My brother would take breaks every 30 minutes to smoke , be on his phone or even go to bathroom or eat randomly, i wouldnt stop the 8 hours straight, and when i actually had to go to the bathroom or eat something because id get sick, my brother literally stole packs from me, or try to “ negociate my help for X “, the thing about my brother is that hed always try to negociate something , ofc it was always entangled for his own benefit and not both.

So it was like this my brother came up to me all excited and say “ oh if you do this to help me , ill split the profit that way we will make more and will be less exausting “ stupid like i was id always give in, specially because if i didnt hed steal anyway.... Hed always change his methods and works, and guilty me if i didnt do it, so id always have to do so. If i didnt hed just change the pack registration list either way, without me even seeing it, and fake my signature, i only found out we had to sign an official paper a few months later when my dad asked, before that my brother would always tell me to note them on my phone then send the numbers by the end of the week, and since he was the bosses son , every one backed up that story ofc. Eventually when i started to get older , i cut ties with my brothers and dad. And my ( midle ) brother was constantly trying to reach out and play nice and shit , also he was still working at the wearhouse . Anyway , fast forward when i got unemployed after the 5 star hotel due to rape attent and shit like that, i was unemplyoyed for 4 moths?! My brother tried to reach out , and even came home before my mother to try and persuade me to enter one of his schemes, i explained to my brother that i didnt have any money and that i wouldnt believe anymore of his stupid schemes and blah blah. He swore he was only trying to make up to me , and the plan was , i would pretend to work at my dads wearehouse, but i would just be there 2 times a week and he would give me a cut of the protfit, coz if he didnt want my dad to hire some random slow guy, so he set up to do a two persons work, and give me 30 % of the monthy rate and all i had to do is show up a few times for my dad to see i was there, and then go home. That motherfucker insisted for 3 days straight promissing it wasnt a scheme and that he was serious this time. OBVIOUSLY THAT DIDNT HAPPEN OBVIOUSLY- with the last 10 euros i had, i bought train tickers to the wearhouse, the first week he actually stick to his word, a few days later the shit started, he actualy forced me to deliver shit and stuff. Wich for me was really difficult because its when i started to develop hernias, and the pain was too overwhealming, and that fucker didnt care and still forced me to, eventually i told him i was out , and found out he still used my name in his shit plan and pretended i was still working there to my dad for two whole months , and then begged me to lie to my dad on the phone, hed literally call me before my dad trying to get me to lie, and promissing the money, and hed ask my mom to pressure my to help him. What could i do??!! what happend after you may ask? did my brother gave me the money? OFC NO ! NO! He gave me 115 euros of the cut , and he made 996 euros to himself. And told me it was only for the days “ i actually worked “ NEVER IN MY LIFE I VERBALLY EVER SAID TO ANYONE , FAMILY OR NOT “ I hope you die, you are shit , you are nothing to me , seriously i hope you die “ and acually meant it and wished it. For the first time in my life i actually wished so hard for my brother to just die. I was done, i was officialy done , i had never been so done with someone. I was officialy done with my family. I blocked my dad on everything, i told my dad to fuck off. I told my older brother to fuck off. I told my middle brother to go die. And the last person was my dying grandma who was a snob ass piece of shit who only gave a shit about me when i was a little girl ( because its only cute when they r kids ), to stop trying to call me and told her to just go and die. She literally sent me a voice message of 5 minutes crying beggin me to see her, and i just told her to go and die, its not because she is dying that is gonna erase the fact that she didnt gave a shit about me after i actually grown. And the fact that i did this apparently scared the shit out my dad and brothes, specially because i did it so naturally. AND TO THIS DAY I DONT REGRET WHAT I SAID AND I STILL DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT HER. OH AND PLOT TWIST SHES NOT DEAD NOR WAS SHE DYING, LAST YEAR SHE TRIED TO SCHEME MONEY OUT OF MY MOM, AND BEFORE THAT SHE WOULD ALWAYS TREAT MY MOM LIKE SHIT AN CALL HER NAMES, FUNNY ! Now they try to sneak into my life really AGAIN ... ffs Since the end of last year, apparently my brother turned into reiki and yoga and shit and is now driving a motivational fuck page for people who wanna “ grow spiritually and open the third eye “ and is trying to reconnect with me again, obviously i cut him off before he could even talk to me. So he spent 3 months or so , coming here and trying, and since he didnt get anything since january and february hes trying to manipulate me behind my mother, my mother is venting to my brother about me being closed off to them , and my brother is DIAGNOSING ME AS A PROBLEM, BECAUSE HE IS SO WISE AND ENLIGHTED... WTF??? diagnosing me??? ur not a fucking therapist you asshole ! The other day i heard him tell my mother in the living room , that “ SHE CANT LIVE LIKE THIS ITS VERY TOXIC FOR HER, SHE HAS TO TALK TO YOU AND BE A BETTER SISTER AND DAUGHTER SHE NEEDS TO BLAH BLAH YOU NEED TO KICK HER OUT IF SHE IS LIVING OFF YOU “ WHAT THE FUCK?? im living off my mother?? the woman that forced me to give her more than half of my paycheck, thats doesnt give me privacy or respect and that literally threatned me if i ever tried to leave that she would chase me down???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OR SEND ME TO A MENTAL HOSPITAL????!!!! ... My older brother is doing the same, keeps trying to get me to go visit his kid, and to meet his kid, keeps trying to get my mother to see pictures of the kid or to call them. They keep trying to guilty me “ oh you cant take it out on the kid, its not the kids fault , he needs to know his aunt, you are his family “ BITCH FAMILY?????? FAMILY??? family doesnt mean shit. Yesterday even sent photos of his kid trought a new number LOL. I actually did went to the kids birthday, first time a few months ago, and guess what , my brother still the NO ONE ASKED- OPINIONATED asshole he was about my whole life, he literally takes one glimpse of me and judges my whole life and starts yelling shit at me ...ofc thats not gonna happend again. People dont change. People. dont. change. PEOPLE DONT CHANGE ! BITCH ?? WHAT? WHO THE FCK?? HOW THE FUCK??? In conclusion my brother is still the same piece of shit he was , and now even more narcisistic, and manipulative, he cant get what he wants from me , so now hes resourting to my mother again. I NEED TO LEAVE THIS HOUSE, I NEED TO LEAVE THIS FAMILY OMFG. Funny enough he does this shit then tries to get me to go to his house to celebrate his birthday because he “ MISSES ME AND THE OLD DAYS” ???? OLD DAYS OF YOU MENTALY ABUSING ME ? NOT TO MENTION THAT YOU ALMOST BROKE MY ARM BECAUSE I WOULDNT LEND YOU MY COMPUTER 3 YEARS AGO????? my mom literally told him we were gonna go there without even asking me if i wanted or even if i was gonna go. LOL, shes trying to emotionally manipulate me with older pictures of me and him , and games we would play together LOL. OMFG PLEASE SOME ONE, I DONT EVEN KNOW I NEED TO DIE OMFG... I CANT TAKE THIS FAMILY ANYMORE.

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wandering-system-of-a-time-lord · 5 years ago

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So here's the thing, I'm an alter, a co-host and a protector. I'm 21 years old and not from this planet mentally. Anyways...::he sighs tiredly:: There's no one here anymore. I am not sure if they're going to come back or what. I am lost as to why I'm the only one left. I did gain some memories of some of them and traits too. But its not from everyone... I do wonder if this is just a minor merge......you know like the calm before the storm type of thing. It is kinda scary to think of the what ifs but I am keeping myself occupied by working on art mostly and finishing up with the progess of applying to school. I think because of this lock down, or quortine (yea i know i misspelled it) it ruined what i am used to. Now I'm so confused and struggling mentally to think. I haven't done much but mostly sleeping alot and laying around. Can't go outside to walk around town. There are few cases now in this county that I'm living in. I am feeling all sorts of emotions about it. I have been getting siezures again without anything triggering it. It just happens without warning. I haven't fell yet from I was told. I just stand in spot and blank out for some seconds or minutes. It's just I dont know how to feel about it but it sucks as I can't drive anymore, not that I could now anyways. I am slowly starting to miss having the others around and talk to while inside. The Manor is still there so I know that this has to be a minor merge that is going on here. It's just the matter of when they will come back and I am hoping its not by truama but probably will.

I still have not recived my new medical card from the new insurance so I still can't setup appointments... meaning that I can't even have my therapy that I'm used to go to but stopped in Dec due to the hospital cutting off the insurance that I was using. I actually going to therapy and now for four months going without one, its just I have been bottling up some of my emotions and feelings. Why? Because there's no one to talk to deeply. Idiot is a person but he's not a good type besides we're trying to move away from him and that's not happening anytime now or later this year. Its all because of this virus. If this didn't happen, we wouldnt be facing this crazyness. Because of this virus, I worry sick about my two favorite guys, one's in Spain cause he moved there and the other who is a paramedic. The one in Spain reads my msgs but he hasn't replied back. I know he's busy with this small family and possibly work (at home), the other... he's on the frontlines to say, like I said he is a paramedic so he has to be super extra careful around people. For the whole month last month, I havn't heard from him as I sent like 4 emails to him. He had finally gotten back to me (what a relief) last week. Saying that he's pretty busy trying to handling protional covid-19 patients. What I mean is that he's trying not to get infected by anyone that might have the virus. I know that I misspelled more words. Anyways, he also said he gotten new phone so he was slowly moving everything over to it from the old phone. Hes okay and drained. He hopes my side is going okay and that I'm okay. I'm planning on emailing him back soon. I'm just super glad that he's alive and well as he's my speical guy. The one I trust my life with within a heartbeat.

So that's what has been going on for me since the last post I had made. I know this one is a long one but I had to ramble somewhere. I do hope whoever reads this will remain safe and sound. To be careful when going out. To remember wash hands. Stay safe now my followers and my Systems. I gotta get back to my drawing that I'm making for my page on Deviantart.

- Alex

#dissociative identity disorder #dissociative #dissociation #alter #alex #alternamedalex #dissociation life #so confused #rambling

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v1rg1nvodkasprite · 6 years ago

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Greaser → Ben Hardy (Part X)

Summary

Due to Shenanigans, you have been sent back in time to the 1960s. You find yourself in a high school. You also find someone very intriguing but he’s unrestrained.

Warnings: language, angst, fluff, hospitalization, defibrillation, crying.

Notes: this is the last part!! thank u sm for reading and lmk what u thought of the series in comments. love u guys!! x

I pulled open the curtain, looking back at Ben in his bed and the back at the man that was getting settled into his own. They had similar facial features but the older man had grey hair and wrinkles on the side of his mouth and around his eyes. There was no way.

I looked back to Ben. What was going on? What were the odds?

"He's awake. Sir! Sir, how are you feeling?" one of the nurses asked. I stood up instantly, trying to get a better look at the man. As he started to talk, a man walked by, closing the curtains.

"Bella?" I heard Ben grasply. I turned to him, sitting down instantly. "Hey, how are you feeling? Do you want the nurse?" I asked and he shook his head.

"I don't feel so good," he whispered as I sat down. I gently brushed his hair out of his face. "I know, babe. I know," I said and held his hand.

A nurse knocked at the wall beside the curtain. "Come in," I called out, not moving my eyes from Ben.

"How is he feeling?" she asked, putting on some gloves. "Not so good, doc." he said, his voice strained. "She popped on a protective, plastic cover onto the thermometer. "Open your mouth," she instructed, placing the thermometer under his tongue.

A minute later, it beeped and she took it out of his mouth, glancing at the temperature, "Your fever has gone down to 100.6 degrees. We'll still need to monitor you and figure out what is really going on with you. I'll get someone to bring you a jello and water," she said, popping of the protective cover into the trash before walking out.

"It's not just the flu, is it Y/N?" he asked, looking up at me. I shook my head. "Apparently, your body is eating itself away," I said, my voice cracking, "I should've never let you come."

"No, babe. I wanted to. I wasn't happy where I was. I was barely living. This isn't your fault," he said, squeezing my hand. "Ben, I've only known you for what? Two weeks?" I pointed out. "Two and a half," he muttered under his breath. I scoffed.

"We barely knew what was going to happen. We hadn't even known each other for a month. It was foolish of me to let you come with me and know look at where you are!" I exclaimed, loudly. Surely the nurses walking by could hear us.

"But it isn't your fault. Who knows what this possibly could be from?" he said after sighing. "What else would it be from Ben? The man in the room across from you has the same fever as you and the same name. None of this is just coincidental," I said.

There was a prolonged silence before Ben broke it. "So, what's going to happen?" he asked. "I don't know, babe."

The curtains slide open and the nurse from earlier walked in. "Here's your jello and water. Just press this blue button if you need anything," she said. We quietly thanked her before she left.

"Please come here," Ben said rasply, "Please." He moved over in his bed, making as much space as possible so that I could fit. I laid down next to him, resting my right leg over him. His body was still warm and his heartbeat was sped up slightly.

"What if you have to go back?" I asked, without thinking. "Why would I have to, love?" he was slightly confused at my question. "What if this doesn't get better. If it's not temporary. What if it's fatal?" I rambled on.

He hugged me closer to him and kissed my forehead, "If it is then I maybe I'll go back." I didn't say anything after that. I just laid next to him listening to the sound of his heart beating and drawing circles on his chest.

After about half an hour, he had fallen asleep, exhausted from everything that had happened. I carefully got up, trying not to wake him. I walked out of his room and speaker through the curtains from the older Ben's room.

He was sleeping peacefully, just as Ben was in the other room. His hair was a bit shorter and grey. He had gained some weight and his arms had lost some of their muscle.

My eyes lowered to the ground and I backed up from out of the room. If the present Ben was here in this lifetime, could my Ben survive here as well? I wondered if that was why they were both sick. It couldn't possibly be just a coincidence.

Ben now was married, in his old age and probably had kids as well as grandkids. The chance for me with him would be if I had been born when he had, back in the early 1950s. That, or go back and be with him which I honestly didn't know if it was worth it or not. I loved him but I could just throw my life away. It wouldnt work out.

I walked back to Ben's room, curling up beside him. His arm wrapped around me and he nuzzled into my hair, half asleep. He would have to go back.

"I love you," I whispered, not intending to receive any response. Ben hummed, still half asleep.

I awoke by a nurse frantically shaking me. "You need to get up, now!" she said, almost yelling at me. I sat up and looked over. They had Ben's shirt off and he looked deadly pale. They were prepping the defibrillator.

I quickly jumped out from the bed, looking at Ben in shock. Tears welled up in my eyes. Was he dead? "Ma'am, you need to step out," one of the doctors ordered. I heard the buzzing of the electricity from the defibrillator. I backed out of the room, as they shocked Ben, making me jump.

I turned around and doctors and nurses were frantically doing the same in the older Ben's room. I slightly shook my head, sitting on floor backed up against the wall. I had to get Ben back as soon as possible.

After 15 minutes or so, they had managed to stabilize his heartbeat. The same with the man across the room. How did they not realize they had two men who had the same name and condition. A nurse mentioned that I could go in and see him which made me push the thoughts into the back of my mind.

I sat in the chair beside his bed and held his hand, moving my thumb across his knuckles. I just watched him. I would miss him so much.

A little while later, I heard rustling in a the bed and a deep groan. "Y/N," he called out. "I know, babe. I'm here. You're okay," I whispered to him and he groaned again. I squeezed his hand, assuring him that I was here.

A moment or two passed before I called out for him. "Ben, you need to go back," I told him and he nodded his head, "I know."

He moved over to make room for me in the small hospital bed. I carefully climbed in and he wrapped his arms around me, hugging me as close to him as he possibly could.

"Just one more day, please," he begged, his chest softly vibrating as he spoke. "Ben, look at you. You almost died. You did die. Who knows what will happen if you stayed here for another day," I said.

He just nodded, understanding the situation. His grip tightened on me and my fingers grazed her his hard chest. A knot in my throat started to grow and and tighten. I tried to swallow it as tears welled in my eyes. I started to quietly cry into his chest.

"One more hour than, just an hour," he pleases and I nodded, looking up at him. He smiled, lifting his hand to my face. He gently swiped the tears from my cheek with his thumb. "I'm so in love with you," he whispered softly. I smiled sadly, "I'm so in love with you," I whispered back.

I brought my hand up to his face, my fingers dancing from his temple to his cheek then to his lips. He was so beautiful.

We laid there just cuddling and studying each other's features. It went by too fast and the clock chimed. An hour had passed. The familiar knot tightened in my throat as I started to cry. Ben hugged me, reaching over to grab my phone and then handed it to me. I sighed, typing in the password opening up the tab with the link on it.

I slowly handed it back to him. He looked to me, leaning in to kiss me. Our lips moved slowly against each other. It was passionate, yet gentle.

Suddenly, his presence disappeared from me. I fluttered my eyes open. Ben was gone, my phone sitting on the bed beside me.

I got up, slowly. It was like all of it was a dream. He was gone. I walked out of the room and walked to the present Ben's room. Or I guess now, just Ben's room.

I peaked through the curtain and saw that he was awake. His eyes met mine and I backed up, gasping. "Bella?" he called out. My breath hitched in my throat. I pushed open the curtain to meet him.

"Holy shit," he exclaimed. He was just as vulgar as he was when he was young. "You're just as I remembered. Did I just leave?" he asked. "You remember?" I asked and he nodded.

The tears that been building up in my eyes started to roll down. "I'm so sorry," I sobbed and he got up from his bed, slowly. He hugged me close to him as I wrapped my arms around him. He was still taller than me.

"It's okay. I'm okay," he told me. I stepped back, nodding. "You need to move on. I always kept you in my heart. Now I have a family of my own. I'm married and have a son and a grandson, who is your age," I nodded, smiling, "I'm happy for you."

"Goodbye," I said, backing up. "Bye, love," he said, waving. I smiled, turning around and walking away. Suddenly, I bumped into a hard chest.

"I'm so sorry," I said, looking up. "You're fine, love," the boy said. He looked so much like Ben. "This is my grandson, James," Ben said from behind me. I smiled, "Hi, James," I greeted him, smiling. "Hey, beautiful."

taglist

@rrrogah-tayluhh , @simplyvictoria-93 , @rencontre-moi-dans-le-couloir , @kirket03 , @plethora-of-things , @satanspaghetti , @rogersrager , @spreadymercury , @hi-i-dont-know , @kurt-nightcrawler, @rogahmtaylah

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sentofighta · 5 years ago

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on the previous post note; muses’ affection expression (if they have partner or not)

Einar

he will let you pet and feed his cat. make his food because he HATES homemade food. compromise and let you hug him whenever you want. fix his clothes or touch his head. now to harder level. comfortable with you seeing his right magetik arm. comfortable with you seeing his bare chest with the scar and tattoo. sleep next to him and hug him while sleeping. will hug back because he will definitely want to hug you back (no sniff your hair shut up.) will use cat to talk to you because he is embarrassed to ask if you want to do something or go out. let you kiss him whenever you want. starts headbutting your back whenever he wants attention because he is a literal cat. pURRS when he is given attention. will start hugging you from the back maybe even carry you so he can sit you on his lap because he wanna hug all of you. he is tall sonvabinch he probably think of you as his cat. is it bad? idk. talk to him not me. excuse him to stop being shy about his fetish and sniff your hair because u definitely have nice smell mm yes.

Eight

redirects. innocent af. ok but shows up to ask if you wanna join his training. jogs nearby where you are/sit so he can see you. does the oh coincidence thing but it is not. will climb a tree to pick up an apple for you if you looked at it. stares into your general direction but has the cool calm poker face to cover it up at first. blushes a little whenever he sees you because you make his heart go boom boom and he did not feel like this before. the i might be sick because i feel weird whenever i see this person. sudden realization because he actually has good amount of smart braincells that he is in love. it could either go i am going to forget this because we are at war and i cant get distracted OR this is new for me and i am interested in knowing more about this route. whichever route you are bound to hyper active tiny boyfriend who will punch people for you. and has like the purest smile ever. have you seen my son smile that he obliterated the sun and the moons? yeah.

Machina

actually knows how to flirt when he wants to. generally nice and caring to all but extra for his crush. will show up magically whenever you need help because he has the sixth sense (thanks to his fear lol) will help you study and train if you wished for it! hey wanna.....talk about chocobos? wiggle eyebrows. do you believe in collecting chocobo feathers? because my wish was granted; talking to you. will confess at the right time because he cant hide his feelings anymore. will hug and kiss you every time he sees you if you allowed him--well, hugs mostly because he likes being around you. obligatory nap around the chocobos. brushing your hair and playing with it definitely. h*ND h*LDING !!!!!!! EXTREME! carries you like the princess you are because he loves you to bits. high affection when he carries u, sits u on his lap then wraps his dracula cape around you both. just the cape wrapping is his thing because now you are so close to him and chu when no one is looking. ok the final stage could be you see him crying because lets face it he fucked up a lot haha~~~ u know ~~ usual machina dumb onagiri kyun stuff.

Zack

EXTREME FLIRTING WHAT IS GOOD BOY? are you an angel? can i offer my services for you?? stronk boy and soldier impressed or what? head pats. h*nd h*ldong god at an early stage because he means it. will make your wishes come true even if you wanna go to the moon. will make stuff for you. smiles brightly shinra uses him to generate electricity. tells u a lot that he is proud of you. tells u a lot he likes you. tells you a lot that he will protect you (and if u fight bonus that you willhave his back too) treasures everything you do and call you cute. doting boyfo. actually very softy will cry if you put on a sad movie. carries you a lot because he has the stronk to do it. are you impressed x2?????? i love you~~~ hey hey do you know what? i love you~ listens to you and to your rambling. will beat up anyone who hurts you. excuse him to nap on you because this is his best spot. a lot of hugs. expect a lot of them hugs. hugs. hUGS. hes more of cheek and forehead chus because they are more playful but will give lip kiss if it was more serious and important situation.

Sohrab

. . . .if he allowed you to be near him when he is synthesizing that is the first step. initiate a conversation himself EVEN if he does not have anything to ask out of you. actually keep an eye on your vitals because you are...important test subject. makes things for you but calls them test items and he does not need them so take them. maybe he can slip a gift or two because he felt like it. does not nap around strangers but around you he is...fine. actually tells you he might see you in a different light but unsure how so dont expect much. gradually he will let you be close to him maybe touch his face or hair. no hugs or sudden kisses yet but if he prepared himself..it might be allowed. he is good at pip talk. also expect some sewing because mommy taught him how! count on him to fix things for you. gets tiny upset if you dont give him your broken things to fix or mend them. rely...on me ok? i may not be a strong fighter but....i can do other things. rare moment of a smile will definitely melt your heart. once he make up his mind, he will ask if you are willing to stick with a madman who probably likes science and alchemy maybe a little bit than you?

Lucina

hey. wanna spar? compliment you a lot. smiles!!!!!!!!! more spar please. actually make effort to find you around many people but does not approach. just seeing you makes her happy for some reason. smile and wave. spar???????? talk to you more! compliment you for doing good job! now you have her watch your back and be a little bit reckless to protect you. apologize but she is not sorry to protect you. b-because you are an important friend . . . . . friend ? ? ? ? lucina exe crush down. goes to read books about this explosion in her chest every time she sees you. books say to act natural. time to ignore you for a bit because it is said in the book play hard to get. regret decision when you mention if you did something wrong she will aPOLOGIZE ALOTALOTALOT! NO YOU DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG IMSRRRYYYYY. new tactic. spar??????????????????????????????? please notice me. more effort in cooking things you like for the lunch break. you might die of poisoning but it is made with love!!!!! spar. . . . realize she cant confess, she cant express herself but in a spar. uses spar to tell you that she might be perhaps like you!!!!!!!! that is why she wanna be stronger!!!!!!!!!!!! blushing princess lucina of ylisse you will be executed by her dad if you make her cry. but actually cries if you say you like her back. cue her sudden doubts because not fit enough to be a ‘woman’ since she knows next to nothing about how to be a good partner. will promise to trust you and her heart. NAGA ALLOWS FOR AND HOLDING !!!!!!!!!!!!!! then she can be comfortable with hugs after tiny bit. you could for chus and she wouldnt mind but have mercy on her kokoro. expect her to chus your cheek every time she sees you because my S-support for life~

Roland

does not beat around the bushes. if he likes someone and is sure will confess. easy. got the ok he will start with whatever they are comfortable with. naga has blessed this and allowed hand holding. lets go for a picnic in the forest or anywhere. animals come because he is their friend! now you are animals friend because you are his girlfriend. very gentleman. does not do anything 18+. plus he probably cant due to his OCD so you are the only one after lucina he can hold her hand no problem. dont worry he may like his sister but he does not speak about her when you are around. leans against you and you can too! tells u he trust you so much. lets climb a tree and enjoy the scenery. or we can ride on Vesperus, his horse! listens to you and actually try to give you advice if he can. a courtesy kiss to your cheek~! he is trying his best! smiles from his heart it has been a long time someone made him feel loved like this.

Aiden

go home she is a narcissist. but if someone managed she is just a dumb who will make your life miserable because she will prank the shit out of you at first. slowly warms up to the idea she likes someone. has a pretty good idea about where you were what were you doing ect because she was watching. she is watching you. make sure you have eaten. have you slept? compliment you if you impressed her. be more comfortable to rehearse her lines around you. asks you to help her rehearse. wanna play something together lets say walk on a tight rope??????? lol wuss. no hugs or touching till now. admits she might have something for you but....you may not like to be with an orphan of no lineage. pass that? well, then are you ready to accept she is criminal? pass that then are you ready to accept she is going to make you regret this choice??? because she will make every day of your life like a circus! excuse her to sweep your hand to hold it and tug you somewhere only for the two of you. let her hold your hand for a bit it is ...nice. leans against you.

Balan

listen....i dont want to joke about this but...he is...probably over the human interactions because he married his job but i assure you he is very loyal man. thats it.

Feiruz

yEEELLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! does not realize she loves you until one of her sisters point she mentions you like ten times in every conversation. is very kind and pure and diligent. will not force herself on you in any way just subtly gives you the things you like after going through the trial and error a couple of times! keeps notes of you in her ‘People journal’ because she is a scatterbrain. maybe draw a tiny heart around your name shhh love interest. is very happy and loud when she sees you!!!!! HE-LLLOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! asks about your health and if you had eaten properly and slept well. offers more gift from her own farm to impress you with her work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! smiles~~~~ smiles even more around you because you make her happy. does not confess. she is not the type to. more like i will just watch because deep inside believes she can be loved due to some bullying in school and only her fam likes her (who likes a scatterbrain who keeps messing things up???) if you confess expect waterfall and ugly crying because she cant believe it is happening ;;;;a;;;; promises to do her best to make you happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cries!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she will do her best to make you happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 you made her happy beyond words and now just she clings to you please dont be upset with her she will do her best to not cause any trouble! but she bounces back and runs to bake something for this occasion~ time to feed boyfo! say ah~ be ready for fatting sessions because she will cook and bake a lot of things!! well, when she has time after her farm work now she is super excited and motivated! is shy but will give cheek chus if she can reach. likes to tug your shirt from behind so you can lower yourself so she can properly give you a kiss to your cheek/forehead. wishes you best of luck in your job!!!!!!!!!!! good luck!!! come home h-h-h-h-h-h-h...eeeeh....h-h-h-..HONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;;;U;;;

#⌈⌈ooc. (faty speaks)#⌈⌈building up. (einar)#⌈⌈building up. (feiruz)#⌈⌈building up. (aiden)#⌈⌈building up. (eight)#⌈⌈building up. (machina)#⌈⌈building up. (zack)#⌈⌈building up. (sohrab)#⌈⌈building up. (lucina)#⌈⌈building up. (roland)#⌈⌈building up. (balan)#//i have no idea what does this do but ehre you go #//i cry....#//i love my children #//me: dont come if you are after look #//aslo me: mY MUSES ARE PRETTY AND SEXY AND JUST COME

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ninatastic · 5 years ago

Photo

@kay-licious how dare u (thanks <3) @silent-calling youre doing amazing sweetie

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

I wouldnt call it a key factor but it’s important to feel attraction towards your partner

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

sure! If it’s a healthy one definitely :D

3. Are you a virgin?

nah

4. Are you in a relationship?

yeh!

5. Are you in love?

I’d say so!

6. Are you single this year?

7. Can you commit to one person?

yes

8. Describe your crush

it me bf

9. Describe your perfect mate

same as above c:

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

no, only when it comes to animals c;

11. Do you ever want to get married?

thats a dream of mine tbh

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

I guess every healthy person would say no but yes, I’d absolutely do (only the first time tho, after the second time you gotta ask yourself if it’s really worth it)

13. Do you get jealous easily?

in regard to my bf: I used to but it’s a hell of a lot less nowadays. In regard to people in general, sometimes, especially when im not doing well mentally

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

me bf

15. Do you have any piercings?

just have my ears pierced!

16. Do you have any tattoos?

no but maybe soon

17. Do you like kissing in public?

only if its sweet forehead or cheek kisses, or quick kisses on the mouth or hand kisses

20. Do you shower every day?

yes though I gotta admit I really have to force myself. Not because I like being stinky but because everything is kinda difficult sometimes

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

bruh I sure hope my bf does;;

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

nah

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

I’ve been in a relationship for 5 and a half years now, I think so

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

it is possible but who tf knows

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

idk, to be frank: I think my life would be a bit easier if I wasnt in a relationship, or if I hadnt been in a relationship for the past 1-2 years. And I often feel like im more of a burden to my bf than anything else. But thats a different story

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

as in losing touch with me? I guess so

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

a song yes and it was awkward as hell ajhajdfha and people have done drawings for me which is <3<3<3<3<3<<3<3<33

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

Yup

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

very very unfortunately yes, and just like a bunch of you guys I was this close to killing myself. I was in a very bad place which I know is not an excuse for this. I still think about it even if it’s been a time since then but I think I cqan never forgive myself because of that

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

often but im too much of a scared cat dsfskjf idk though, I would love to be much more petite size wise

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

oh often

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

yeah;; I’m not exactly pretty or popular, so puberty was hard

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

hell yeah

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

:( no

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

yeh!!

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

Yeah and it’s difficult to be normal then aaaaaahhhhhhh

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

some of my friends have a strong disliking towards my current bf but i dont know if you can call it hate

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

yeah and it ruined me for a while

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

uuuuhh not really I think

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

whenever I write bday cards I always put a poem in it :D

41. Have you had sex so far this year?

hella

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

depends on how thirsty I am

43. How long was your longest relationship?

5 and a half years and counting

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

2-3

45. How many people did you kiss in 2011?

uuhh I was 14, no one

46. How many times did you have sex last year?

HELLA

47. How old are you?

22 my dudes

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

I#d try to play it cool because internally I’m panicking, someone help me

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

I love about my bf how you can ALWAYS count on him when shit gets down, even if he hasnt talked to a friend for a good while and they’re like “hey I need you”, he’ll be there in a sec Also that he is still able to surprise me

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

jsdfhsjdfks GO AWAY, I’d say while closing the door and shutting the blinds quicker than lightning

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

yeah, but that’s probably because I have bpd and depressions

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

yeah, I tried to help them on all occassions, so much that I ruined my own life partially and made myself sick. But whatever I did or said, they apparently want to suffer, so i gave up trying.

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

yeah my abuser probably

54. Is there someone you will never forget?

unfortunately yes and fortunately yes

55. Share a relationship story.

uuuuuuhhhhh; I dont really know what to write here. Guess I’ll never forget when my bf held a kitten (which was only a week old) in his hands and he almost cried because he loved the baby so much. Haha, he was afraid of crushing it though because it was much smaller than the palms of his hands

56. State 8 facts about your body

I gained a lot of weight since last year which is why I avoid posting or taking pics, but according to everyone else you dont see it that much (?); my hair is getting its natural curliness back; I fucked up my knee so I’ll have knee surgery next year; I bruise easily; I have a shit ton of scars; I love my super green eyes; I have thicc thighs and if I’m very emotional I get red spots all over my body

57. Things you want to say to an ex

to my first ever bf: fuck u lmao to the second bf I had: I’m so sorry for everything and I hope that you found your place :)

58. What are five ways to win your heart?

uuuhhh be sweet and understanding, be funny, be somewhat smart, dont be a mean asshole and be nice to other people (especially kids) and animals and also be able to be fascinated by small things

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

yikes

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

my current bf is 8 years older than me

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

how open and nice they are? Idk I always choose my ppl to hang out with according to this

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

even though I’m a switch I have a big preference for being the sub, so if someone can dominate me and yknow do stull like carry me princess style or something im all like !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

63. What is your definition of “having sex”?

everything that comes after kissing imo

64. What is your definition of cheating?

I think as soon as you try to pursue someone emotionally that already counts as cheating

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

kissing, grinding, I love when someone talks dirty to me

66. What is your favourite roleplay?

if it aint too much of a tmi i’d love to admit that we have a collar and a leash so (not thinking about pet play uughfjhjsdfkhsd, just yknow someone is able to drag me to them like this or being held in place while being taken from behind is p nice)

67. What is your idea of the perfect date?

something something being outside in the nature and also good food

68. What is your sexual orientation?

69. What turns you off?

super super wet kisses where also my nose somehow gets stuck in someone elses mouth Like dude r u a vacuum cleaner sdfhsdkjhfks

70. What turns you on?

being manhandled

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

idk I dont really have a lot of wet dreams and usually theyre not very kinky but rather sweet and slow

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?

I like dirty talk, so imma leave that open

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

i love to get flowers, or lil stuff that reminds us of our friendship or something, self made/home made stuff is always !!!!!!!!!!!!

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

probably hands? I love it when girls have super slender hands and when boys have rough and big hands

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

I already answered that c:

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

I have a few stories I’m proud of! But I really love this one: When I was little I grew up in a village in which like 300-400 people lived (maximum) and next to us lived this sweet older couple who always gave us sweets and vegetable for our parents, or they brought us stuff from when they went on vacation. The man is now constantly sick, he suffers from parkinson and you see the early statges of dementia setting in. A while ago he wanted to go and get the German version of fish and chips with his wife but due to him needing a ton of surgeriesw constantly he wasnt able to go out with his wife. When my mom told me this I was like wtf u cant just tell me this, I’m too soft. So I went and got fish and chips from the best market around us for him and flowers for his wife, despite the fact that I havent seen them in YEARS. When I arrived at their front door both of them hugged me and cried a bit

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

not bad if everything is consensual and if there’s a power balance thats equal

78. What’s your dirtiest secret?

I think the leash thing is one of the kinkiest things we’ve ever done tbh

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?

yesterday a bit when my bf went out wth friends and had a few beers while I was stuck at home with the thought that I can never have a beer again dkadfjahdf as stupid as that sounds but I always enjoyed these chill evenings with a beer and friends

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

this morning when I cuddled my cats :D

81. Who are five people you find attractive?

my bf and many videogame and anime characters, also my best female friend is hella attractive, also some of my friends are to die for

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

my bf!!

83. Who was your first kiss with?

my first bf sdfjsdfs

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

it didnt really work out, it seemed as he was more interested in saying “hey im in a relationship!” than in me, hah;;

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?

yeah, sure

#ask #jeezus

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bronzeflower · 6 years ago

Text

Who The Fuck Writes A Ten-Page Rant?????

Chapter 21: The Rappest Conversation

Also on ao3

It was your self-imposed day off, so you started the day by sleeping until afternoon. After making yourself breakfast and eating it, you played Slime Rancher for about two hours because it was a nice relaxing game that Roxy bought you for Gristmas last year.

Everything was peaceful. Nothing could possibly ruin this.

Oh look. John was pestering you. You hadn't talked to him in while, even though he was your best bro. You guessed both of you have been pretty busy lately.

-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

EB: hey, dave! EB: we haven’t spoken in ages!

TG: yeah man its been entirely too long TG: ive turned to dust while you were gone TG: ive become one with the desert and sand TG: im the sand on the beach that gets stuck inside an oyster TG: and the oyster is like what the hell are you doing here you dumbass motherfucking sand TG: im here to ruin your life oyster TG: thats basically my job TG: why are you doing this you tiny bit of sand TG: i already answered that question TG: okay fine be that way says the oyster TG: ill just turn you into a pearl so that youre no longer stabbing me everywhere TG: and then i was transformed into a dope ass pearl TG: the prettiest goddamn pearl in all the land TG: im turned into one of a pair of earrings that are sold for more that your life is worth TG: im bought by a rich woman looking for jewelry to show off TG: its passed down through the generations until the wealth they had dwindles and runs out TG: so now the earrings are sold for a dollar just to get the money for food that night TG: its a tragic tale TG: anyway TG: how are you doing

EB: dave, did you copy and paste an entire act of a play into this chat?

TG: what no TG: it is all natural and organic typing from scratch going on here TG: absolutely no foul play involved and to even imply such is an insult to my craft

EB: alright, fine! EB: i will not insult your “masterpiece” anymore. EB: if you can even call it that.

TG: oh wow sick burn TG: but like seriously speaking how is your stuff going TG: like the comedy stuff TG: have you yet to release an hour long special containing your hilarious jokes TG: and like half of the time is taken up by people laughing at them so its not even a true hour long special its more like a half hour long special and you didnt even manage to make it through all the material you had prepared TG: you know like you did in school where you accidentally prepared too much for a presentation and then get cut off because your time is up TG: and you still have like an hour and half left of material that youve collected that ended up just being a pile of wasted effort

EB: maybe not to that extreme. EB: :P EB: i haven't gotten my show up on netflix yet, but i am certainly planning on it! EB: watch out for it!

TG: do you still have that one person booing you at a bunch of your shows

EB: yeah, it is getting pretty annoying at this point, but i don't really want to do something like call security to remove someone for booing at my show. EB: that just seems as little bit over kill.

TG: i thought you were going to do a comedy sketch about them

EB: oh yeah! EB: i forgot about that.

TG: who are you jade harley

EB: what! EB: jade is great at remembering things!

TG: shes really not she just has a really fucking good system for making certain she remembers things TG: she has to build a physical barrier to her door so that she doesnt forget her keys TG: and she has so many keys to her house they are literally everywhere

EB: huh. EB: i guess i havent really visited jade in a while, have i?

TG: i would highly recommend going to her place at some point TG: and just hanging out with her in general TG: although youd probably have to plan a whole trip for it TG: just like TG: drop by or whatever next time youre where shes currently living

EB: messaging her might be a little bit more practical.

TG: yeah probably TG: anyway you really should get on writing that sketch about the lady I booing you

EB: yeah probably.

TG: yeah man how else are you going to get back at her TG: also when you finally do perform it please tell me what happened TG: or send me a recording of it TG: jk ill buy the recording TG: i always buy the recordings of your shows TG: but youll have to tell me which recording its in so that i can prepare myself

EB: maybe i won’t tell you which recording it’s in just so you're surprised by it. EB: like a schrodinger’s recording.

TG: does that mean you might be dead in one of them

EB: i hate to tell you this now dave, but i’m actually a ghost.

TG: shit ive been friends with a ghost this whole time thats actually pretty fucking dope TG: how do you do comedy sketches as a ghost TG: with the whole intangible thing TG: also with the people not being able to see you thing TG: wait TG: i wouldnt be able to message you if you were completely intangible TG: you must be a poltergeist or something TG: is there anything i can do to help you pass on

EB: yeah, you have to burn my body. EB: that’s what they do in all of the supernatural movies and shows where there’s a ghost.

TG: alright i am fully prepared to do that TG: i however have absolutely no idea where your grave is

EB: i know where your grave is.

TG: well thats not ominous at all TG: i dont even have a grave

EB: as far as you know.

TG: are you telling me that im dead TG: am i also a ghost

EB: i’m sorry i didn’t tell you sooner! EB: but yes we’re both ghosts. EB: i was supposed to wait for you to figure it out yourself, but it’s taking so long, so i guess i got a little impatient. EB: :B

TG: yeah but i still dont remember anything about dying or anything like that

EB: maybe you'll remember someday. EB: i’ve got to go right about now though. EB: i compromised my mission, and now i have to go through remedial training.

TG: ill wish you luck

EB: who needs luck when you have skill?

TG: okay then no good luck from me TG: i take it back TG: youve got this handled due to the sheer amount of awesomeness you have

-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

TG: oh no they got you TG: i know i said i didnt wish you good luck but i actually did TG: you cant give back a good luck TG: you can never give back a good luck TG: the blessing is yours now forever and ever TG: or however long you live i guess TG: thats going to take a butt load of time TG: anyway TG: i should probably get going too TG: instead of just having a conversation by myself after you left TG: and like go and have a conversation with someone else TG: maybe with jade TG: i havent talked to jade in a while TG: wonder how her pumpkins are doing TG: i wonder if shes harvested them yet TG: or if its even time for that TG: i swear i do actually listen when she talks about gardening TG: but i dont remember what half the harvest times for a bunch of the vegetables she grows TG: dont tell her that TG: or do TG: she probably already knows TG: shes always had a tendency to know things that other people would have absolutely no clue of knowing about TG: anyway TG: ill pester you again at some point eventually TG: ill go pester jade instead now TG: see ya

-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] --

TG: yo jade how are your pumpkins doing TG: is it about time to harvest them or anything TG: or has that already happened TG: when do people harvest pumpkins again

GG: ive harvested them!

TG: awesome were they tasty

GG: of course they were!!! GG: i made pumpkin pie and roasted pumpkin seeds GG: and then i sold all the leftover pumpkins

TG: yeah what kind of profit did that turn

GG: quite a bit, actually! GG: especially with the fact that pumpkins are basically weeds GG: because they grow back no matter what you do GG: no GG: matter GG: what GG: but people fucking love pumpkins during the fall seasons

TG: yeah everyone goes batshit for that kind of stuff TG: got that pumpkin spice everywhere TG: and colorful trees and sweater weather TG: unless you live in the south TG: then there are just two seasons TG: summer and cooler summer

GG: those were basically the seasons on the island i grew up on too GG: im so glad i get to see snow where i live now!!! GG: i always wanted to play in it growing up!!!

TG: tbh we should coordinate and try to play in the snow together at some point

GG: yes!!! GG: but, no GG: :( GG: itd be way too difficult to coordinate that kind of thing

TG: yeah probably TG: but maybe one day if we happened to be in the same area and it happened to snow TG: we could get together and play in the snow and build snowpeople and snow angles

GG: dont you mean snow angels?

TG: i meant what i said TG: were gonna be drawing angles in the snow TG: forty five degrees sixty degrees one hundred and eighty degrees TG: well have all the angles right there written in the snow because no one can tell us what to do

GG: i still think id rather make snow angels though

TG: fair enough TG: you stick with your boring old snow angels TG: and ill have a fantastic time making all my fucking snow angles

GG: :/ GG: you do that, i guess GG: i still think making snow angels will be more fun!

TG: suit yourself TG: anyway im being messaged by someone else so ive gotta bounce

GG: alrighty, see ya!

-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] --

-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

GC: D4V3

TG: terezi

GC: H4V3 YOU S33N TH1S?? GC: F1L3.COM

TG: well it would seem that im being framed for murder and no one told me

GC: NO GC: 1N C4S3 TH4T H4PP3N3D 1 WOULD S3RV3 4S YOUR PROS3CUT3R

TG: wouldnt you be unable to participate in the trial because you have a bias because were friends

GC: Y3S BUT TH4T 1S B3S1D3 TH3 PO1NT GC: W41T GC: 1S 1T B3S1D3 THE PO1NT OR B3S1D3S TH3 PO1NT??

TG: no idea TG: does it matter

GC: 1 GU3SS NOT GC: JUST LOOK 4T TH3 GODD4MN M3M3

TG: nice

GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3

-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

CG: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

TG: so what stuck itself up your ass

CG: DID TEREZI SEND YOU THAT MEME?

TG: what meme i have no idea what meme your talking about

TG: i dont even know what a meme is TG: you could hear me say that but i pronounced meme as me me TG: because thats how little i know about memes TG: ive never even seen one in my life TG: you dont have any proof that tz showed me the meme that you are talking about like less than five minutes ago about the ten page rant that you sent to complain about my channel

CG: THAT’S REALLY SPECIFIC, AND IT MAKES ME SUSPICIOUS AND PRIVY TO THE IDEA THAT YOU ACTUALLY DO KNOW WHAT A MEME IS.

TG: please spare me i have a family

CG: I WASN’T AWARE THAT YOU HAD KIDS.

TG: youre right i dont have kids TG: not in reality TG: imaginary kids TG: all running around and being great and fantastic and not fucked up at all TG: thats the fucking dream

CG: DAVE, WE’RE NOT HERE TO DISCUSS YOUR INSECURITIES DEALING WITH THE POSSIBILITY OF HAVING KIDS OR WORKING WITH KIDS. CG: WE’RE HERE TO TALK ABOUT THE MEME TEREZI SENT YOU.

TG: why do you even care so much about a meme TG: its a meme and its harmless fun TG: even if it does include a picture of you topless

CG: EXACTLY. CG: I’M GOING TO NEED YOU TO DELETE ANY EVIDENCE OF THAT PICTURE, NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO KEEP IT.

TG: why would i want to keep it TG: maybe i already deleted it TG: maybe i didnt even save it TG: also why do you want me to delete so bad TG: its not much in the way of blackmail TG: who could possibly use it against you

CG: PEOPLE.

TG: thats specific

CG: I’M NOT REALLY IN THE MOOD FOR GOING INTO TOO MUCH DETAIL ABOUT THIS, SO COULD YOU PLEASE JUST TAKE MY WORD FOR IT AND DELETE THAT PHOTO?

TG: k

CG: REALLY? CG: JUST LIKE THAT?

TG: sure if it really matters to you that much ill make sure to get rid of it TG: you can tell me why at another time TG: i get if its too personal to talk about or whatever TG: sometimes that kind of thing happens TG: there we go TG: deleted photo

CG: THANKS

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

-- arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

AC: :33< *ac prowls up to the unsuspecting crow* AC: :33< *she asks meow the crow is doing!*

TG: *the crow says hes doing well and asks the same of the cat*

AC: :33< im fine! AC: :33< im meowstly just double checking the date and time we agr33d on for tea

TG: yeah im still on that day TG: just cant believe it in like a month and a half TG: seems like an almost unnecessary time to plan in advance

AC: :33< but it is a really meowfurlous tea place! AC: :33< its just a little exclawsive, so youve got to make reservations a bit in advance

TG: yeah i get that but the main question here is the dress code TG: can i show up in my jeans and hoodie or do ive got to pull out the singular suit i have TG: its bright red so i cant exactly wear it to black tie events

AC: :33< it s33ms more like mew should wear brunch attire

TG: khakis and a polo shirt got it

AC: ://< i guess thats brunch attire AC: :33< i would wear something a little nicer though

TG: so more like colorful khakis with a button down shirt that can hold cufflinks

AC: :33< yeah thats s33ms more appropriate AC: :33< mew could always ask kanya~a for advice on what to wear

TG: yeah im probably going to do that TG: also that cat pun in her name that you did was the best think ive heard all day ten out of ten would use again

AC: :33< thank mew! AC: :33< i like to give all meow furends cat pun names! AC: :33< its kind of hard to come up with them for some people though

TG: yeah im not sure how you can make a cat pun from dave TG: its pretty much impossible but if you do manage to do it i will be supremely impressed

AC: :33< meowbe a rhyming thing? AC: :33< like cavedave or something? AC: :33< but that makes you sound like some sort of caveman AC: :((< and thats not really cute

TG: maybe adding a hobby of mine of some sort to my name TG: like rapping TG: like rapnap dave or something TG: cause it sounds kind of like catnap

AC: :33< that certainly is a lot cuter! AC: :33< ill consider it! AC: :33< but ive got to go meow so we can talk later

TG: cool

-- arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

Since you were clearly talking to all your friends today, you might as well see if Aradia’s online as well. You’re pretty sure she was, and since you probably won’t get to contact her for a while, you might as well message her now.

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering apocalypseArisen [AA] --

TG: have you finally figured out how im going to die TG: or divined that kind of shit yet TG: saw it in the clouds or something TG: my hot as hell dead body floating in the water staining the fluid and polluting the river and making it muddy with red TG: taking a stabbing and falling and dying before i could ask if it was something i said TG: choking to death, clubbing to death TG: hit through the chest with some white magic TG: bleeding and crying as they take their last breath TG: its all just so horrible and tragic TG: having every single one of these dreams TG: but i think i know that theyre memories TG: had these nightmares since i was a kid TG: always wondered if it was something i did TG: cause they made me scared of clowns swords and puppets TG: made me too scared to watch even the muppets TG: but they’re not just mine cause it’s not always my body TG: lying on the ground looking super fucking shoddy TG: and all i can feel is the oppression and fear TG: of letting go of all we hold dear TG: stabbed with a sword we did abhor TG: all the death and the violence and blood TG: overwhelmed us like a flood TG: but try as we might we had no chance TG: we were always meant to lose this dance TG: alright im done that was a dope ass fucking rap thanks folks for listening to how awesome that was

AA: you will die on the twentieth day of april in the year of 2069 from drug overdose

TG: nice

AA: also your rap was both cool and concerning

TG: yeah im not sure if i actually thought at all about what i just said in that rap TG: so basically i forgot everything that i just wrote

AA: thats the beauty of a messaging platform AA: you can just scroll up and reread what you wrote

TG: im sorry im suddenly unable to read

AA: wow AA: youre really going to do this

TG: yes and i have no regrets TG: hi im jared im nineteen and i never fucking learned how to read

AA: your name is dave

TG: shit TG: caught in the lie TG: what time will i have to spend in jail officer

AA: well since im not a cop AA: none! AA: but im still curious about whatever the hell was going on with that rap

TG: maybe you should respond with the stuff thats bothering you in rap form TG: do a little rap battle TG: but like TG: with feelings and shit TG: you can talk about whats bothering you and then i can elaborate on the fuckery in my rap

AA: alright i dont see why not AA: it will probably help us both AA: my heart and my brains been pulled taught AA: stuck between work and the one that i love AA: cant help my job fits me like a glove AA: but i cant stop thinking about my matesprit AA: how hes gonna face it AA: cause he says he supports me AA: and he says that he agrees AA: with putting my job first and foremost AA: while he sits in one place and holds post AA: i didnt mind too much before AA: we had all i could adore AA: but since he proposed were going to be married AA: i just dont know if that life should be carried

TG: well that sounds like something you should talk about TG: because not doing so might leave you in a drought TG: in your relationship where miscommunications TG: might lead to decimation TG: or more likely just breaking up TG: but you dont want that to burn up TG: so just have a talk with him about your concern TG: and then your love will continue to burn

AA: did you just rhyme up with up

TG: dont judge me im trying to help

AA: your advice was good but i can still judge you for your lack of slam poetry skills

TG: hey ill have you know im the best in the business

AA: must be a very small business

TG: wow TG: i cant believe my own moirail would do this to me

AA: you know i had to do it to em

TG: i hate you and everything that you stand for

AA: likewise AA: aside from that AA: do you want to talk about those dreams you mentioned at the start of this conversation

TG: i will only answer that if you ask me in a rap

AA: what the fuck was up with those dreams AA: you seem to be tearing at the seems AA: with all the death and the dying AA: and it might seems like im lying AA: but ive had those too AA: hit in the face and bid me adieu AA: except im a ghost and dead AA: dont know how but i bled AA: then im a frog for some reason AA: it has something to do with treason AA: then a robot that i hated AA: someones kinks that were stated AA: then i blow up again and again AA: wake up in pajamas the color of cayenne AA: and thats when i know that im alive AA: and i know for a fact that i will thrive

TG: always thought that i was alone in this TG: but i guess im not so now ill remiss TG: on all these nightmares ive had TG: that were all really bad TG: i always thought it was because of my childhood TG: never thought that i would be old enough to get to my knighthood TG: thought i was going to die alone TG: thought they wouldnt even find a bone TG: thought no would care if i was gone TG: always felt like i didnt belong TG: i thought the dreams were a message, an order TG: to finally get rid of the disorder TG: that was me theyd promised id be free TG: but i still desperately wanted to be TG: alive and awake and active and happy TG: excuse me if this starts to get a bit sappy TG: but i wanted love TG: i wanted to be above TG: my bro who so obviously hated me TG: and everyone i know would agree TG: so no matter how much i wanted to die TG: there was always something just keeping me alive TG: a wish or a kiss or a day that gets better TG: a time when i get to open a letter TG: theres something to live for something to survive for TG: going and traveling and taking a tour TG: listening to music when i feel depressed TG: going outside when i feel repressed TG: reminding myself its gonna be alright TG: in order to tell myself not to go towards the light

AA: feeling alive is good

TG: yeah TG: it is TG: thanks for listening

AA: thank you for listening! AA: thats what being moirails is all about AA: listening to each other and doing our best to comfort each other AA: although i guess thats what friendship is about too AA: moirail is more of a formal title

TG: i get that TG: someones messaging me now though so i guess this is where we can end our convo

AA: dont be a stranger!

TG: not planning to be one TG: <>

`AA: <>

-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering apocalypseArisen [AA] --

-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

TT: Hello.

TG: yes just come up and start a chat using the most generic fucking greeting in the entire goddamn world TG: thats exactly how you start a conversation with someone youve known for years TG: start conversations by calling your friends a bitch like the rest of us

TT: I’m pretty sure I would like to have a little more class than that.

TG: ill bring you down to my level one day

TT: I will do my best to resist going down that low.

TG: listen TG: im pretty sure you dont have to go that far

TT: Wow. TT: Rude.

TG: thats a more appropriate way to talk to your brother

TT: I’ll be certain to use more crass language when greeting you next time I make the decision to start a conversation with you.

TG: anyway what did you want to talk to me about

TT: I would like to invite you to my party celebrating the release of my new book. TT: It takes place in a month at my house.

TG: you mean your big ass mansion

TT: Yes, I suppose that is an apt description of the location where I reside. TT: I suggest you dress formally for the occasion. TT: You can wear the suit that you had recently tailored for you.

TG: oh yeah the one kanaya made that feels like the softest goddamn plush toy in the childrens aisle

TT: Yes, please wear that one.

TG: alrighty sounds good to me

TT: Not going to argue about wearing jeans and a T-shirt instead?

TG: nah TG: not this time at least TG: im kind of excited to wear the one kanaya made anyway TG: especially since its the first suit that i actually kind of like

TT: Well, I look forward to seeing you at my party in a suit. TT: For now, I must go and give a few others personal invitations.

TG: k you do that

-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

You proceeded to play videos games for the rest of the day because it was, in fact, your day off. You had to spend some of it by yourself after all.

#homestuck #hs #dave strider #rose lalonde #jade harley #john egbert #aradia megido #pale aradave #aradave

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charmsoloved · 3 years ago

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flesh.

today i gave into my flesh. but instead of beating myself up about it, i'm proud of myself for taking a baby step instead of a big step. which in turn kind of makes it like i am being a big girl instead of a baby. i want to be completely without it and today i truly understand what amner meant about his hands going straight to work once that little devil on your shoulder whispers in your ear.

today i was avoiding. today i'm sick of it being the same as every other day. today i could have said yes but saying yes would have only meant that i would still be keeping myself on that same loop. i cant give in right now, i'm too sensitive, too insecure about my current skin issues because i cant stop stress picking my face and my head and then my hair oils get on my face and then i break out even more. i mean seriously, what is going onnnnnn?!

i took the night to truly just relax but honestly my mind is still running. i catch myself looking to catch attention through social media and while usually it helps a lot.. today it made me cringe. at first it was nice to see i still got it but then it was kind of nail-biting because then i kept checking my socials every 15 minutes to see if anyone said anything. it's that high i keep talking about. that praise high because at least if i'm getting that i can ignore everything else going on right now.

i need to just get my head on straight but i've been feeling distracted. i feel like being busy again and hanging out only has been keeping me distracted but it is important to get out there with my community and i really cant BELIEVE how great they've been all throughout this process. i cannot begin how grateful i am for it from the bottom of my heart.

everything feels like it's falling apart and falling together at the same time. some moments i'm excited and hopeful about truly getting to be alone and figure shit out on my own for once. on the other hand, it's absolutely heartbreaking thinking about the turn of events that occured in my life this year.

it's hard for me to deal with the shame and embarrassment that i've inflicted upon myself due to my own actions. it's funny how once you become in tune with Jesus more, how suddenly aware you are of yourself, your actions, and your influence on others. I just am trying to learn my boundaries and what is good for me or not.

i can tell T seems a little hurt that i am not too eager to meet his new boo thang. but honestly, i'm in a tight spot in my life right now and i know that meeting her in the place of my vulnerability might not be the best thing. plus, i mean i'm trying to avoid the kind of lifestyle that T leads regardless of what i say to him on the phone.

today was a struggle. the moment i heard about dinner with my mom the first thing was, well, what am i going to eat? but the second thing was, should i get a drink!? i decided against because that would look absolutely selfish in front of my mother who is trying her best to stay sober right now for her health. if anything, i should learn from that experience. i really should. but then, as i drove home, all i could think of was stopping to get wine and how great a glass of wine would be while i veg out in front of the tv while i watch grace and frankie. i contemplated between wine and beer and then decided on wine cause it would probably make me feel less bloated than beer but quickly changed my mind when i saw that making a left turn into the food 4 less parking lot would be too hard. then i thought about going to the liquore store and getting a tall can, then i decided against it. Then next thing you know, i'm passing the alley to stop by the liquore store. On the way to the liquore store i debated on one tall can or if i should just get a six pack. it's interesting how quickly my mind when from the small craving to the greed of the quantity of it. I went straight for the 6 pack only to find out it was 14 fucking dollars so then i decided on a tall can again and then before i know it, i have two and i'm basically just paying for 4 beers.

one, i'm grateful that i put my financial well-being before the substance itself. 2, i'm glad i barely could make it through one. 3, i'm proud for even while drinking and receiving an invitation to go out and drink more, that i decided against that because i honestly didn't think in my gut it was a good idea.

i remember holly whitaker saying something in quit like a woman where sometimes she wouldnt even want to go out - she just would. but how important it became for her to understand her gut and trust the initial feeling. i did that today and that is something i'm super proud of.

but back to being in tune with Jesus. granted, i did give into my temptation today but i am more proud of myself than i feel shame. reading more about him in uninvited really has made me more aware of myself, my feelings in that moment, and how even being in tune with him certain things speak to me that typically wouldnt before. for instance, as it's no secret now, i am dealing with an attachment to alcohol. i'm done calling it an addicition because i am not addicted. i have self control. i just need to work on my reactions to invitations to induldge. but during the show, a similar situation arose where i was able to see both parties from a different perspective. it's funny how you can see things so clearly in others lives and situations but be blind sitting like a duck in your own.

Jesus, i want you to make me more aware of myself and aware of others. i want you to tune my insensitivity and my sensitivity and balance them out. i want you to strengthen my mind over my flesh. i ask for discernment in situations that i am unsure how to handle. jesus, i'm asking you to heal me so i don't continue to bleed out onto others. i pray that you will guide me and comfort me in my time of need right now. i thank you for all the blessings you have given me, including meeting kazi. i wish i never said i wish i never met him because now he isn't here - like ever. i pray that during this time you are comforting him and giving him the peace that i do not graciously let him have. please allow me to learn boundaries - both drawing my own and respecting others. please create in me a clean heart. pure and pleasing to you. please work on my rage and thrist for revenge. please help me continue to look to you instead of others for approval and validation. this world is hurting lord. i ask that you allow me to use my voice to praise your name and bring people to you. i ask that you open up doors in ministry and that you will guide me to hearts who are hurting just like i am. i ask you to help me keep my word and commitment with others. i ask that you help me keep my word to myself and that you give me the sense of urgency and dilgence to follow through with everything that i not only promise to others. but i ask you to allow me to follow through on those promises to myself. i ask that you help me with my impuslse control and stress picking. seriously, it's getting gross and bad. i ask that you heal my body and my heart and renew me inside and out jesus. please be with me. please keep your hands on those that i love and those that i struggle to love. help me see things in a new way and not from a place of rejection. please lead me and guide me in your truth. continue to instill into me values that please you. please consistently remind me to not flirt with this world and the false promises that it brings. please consistently remind me to spend time with you. please instill in me the desire to spend immeasureable time with you. please allow your word to soak into me and fill the deepest parts of my heart. please, heal those wounds and guide me into places i've never seen before with you. please just... don't leave me.

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shieldsmusic92 · 4 years ago

Text

So it started in my GCSE years so year 10/11. I originally wanted to be an electrician for some reason! The only reason why I would think I wanted to be an electrician is because I was told that Trade jobs are the best to have as you get paid well and it's a safe industry. By this, I don't mean I was pushed towards it as my family/people around me never pushed anything on me. I guess I didn't know what I wanted to do and just chose that, I remember my Grandad saying to me to be a decorater which I honestly could not think of anything worse.

So anyway I chose to do Electronics as one of my GCSE's which looking back, well no even then I knew it was a waste of time. The teacher did not seem to care and the only thing I remember is making a pencil holder which had little L.E.D Lights, I remember drawing up a design, I wanted it to light up and spin, my teacher said that it was possible to do and got my hopes up to then tell me half way down the line that it wasn't possible. I just think he couldn't be bothered to show me how to do it...

I don't remember the exact moment I realised I didn't want to be an electrician anymore but during my time doing my GCSE's I started listening to a lot more music and thus began my deep interest in music. I started playing guitar, going to gigs and playing in bands.

The end of GCSE's came and I went into sixth form where I studied Music Technology, I didn't know what I wanted to do career wise in Music but I just knew I wanted to be in the music industry. Learnt so much in the 2 years of studying with a great teacher. I learnt about all the technical side so how to record music but also I learnt the theory side of music like composing etc. I really wish I had started music from a young age so I could have learnt more theory based stuff about music.

After Sixth Form I went to University, Leeds Metropolitan University, where I studied Music Technology. I finally knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to be a sound engineer for Theatre, I am a major musical theatre fan, me and my family love going to see shows on the West End in London so this career would be perfect for me. I have to say University wasn't for me, I believe it is a hell of a lot of money and I unfortunately know a lot of people who are in the music industry who haven't studied at University. Although I developed some skills at University and learnt very few new things, I really think it was a waste of time. I did not make the most of University to be honest, I didn't have the typical student life but at least I got a degree out of it.

My first job was at Debenhams, I worked there as a part time sales advisor for 4-5 years but during University I left and started at New Look (fashion retailer) still part time but just wanted something new. I graduated from University and was set free into the real world! I worked more hours at New Look while I decided what to do with my life. I was in bands and was gigging and my dream was and still is to be in a big touring band full time so I decided against the sound engineer for theatre career as it would take up my evenings when I could be gigging but that didn't matter anyway because shit was about to go down.

I met my ex girlfriend through JoinMyBand in my final year of University, I joined her band at the time. We started dating and I stupidly moved in with her after a few months, she didn't work due to health issues and she had a child who I loved, all fine until she got worse and I quit my job to look after her full time!

Let's skip ahead 2 years because that story is for a different time maybe, maybe not.

We broke up on Christmas day 2016. I was jobless but bloody happy to be out of there.

February 2017 I started my job at New Look again except this time in a different store, luckily my old deputy heard what happened and offered me a job as she was Store Manager in the store which I worked at for about 2 years, I was so grateful to her and still am! It was here where I basically realised shit I need to get my life together now, I worked so hard and decided I would try and make it in retail, I wanted to get to the top! I progressed to Supervisor, step 1 complete. I also would like to mention that I met my beautiful wife to be here so that's another step of getting my life together complete.

After 2 years, I moved stores as working in different stores helps to progress in retail. This store was the White Rose store which I worked in after Debenhams so it was nice to be back there again. I was eager to progress but I didn't seem to be getting anywhere, October came and a position came up in York for Deputy Store Manager just Maternity Cover so I took it which was the best decision ever, as stressful as it was, I learnt so much from it.

The maternity cover contract came to an end in February and by this time COVID19 had started unfortunately cutting my time short at my next maternity cover deputy Store manager position at Doncaster, I worked there for 3 weeks then we went in to the dreaded first lockdown!

Lockdown ended and so did my maternity cover at Doncaster so I was unfortunately forced to go back to White Rose as a Supervisor but I owned it, my demeanor had changed and I had a name for myself.

Another lockdown was on the way during the Christmas period of 2020 I progressed to Sales Manager (promotion from supervisor) but only because our Sales Manager was off sick. It was all good, I was on good money and doing well for myself. Lockdown 2 came and I had a feeling that I would be stepped back down to Supervisor during this time, my January wage came through and my payslip said I was getting Supervisor wage again! Knew it...

Therefore I knew this was my time to start looking for a new job. I had done all I can at New Look I did so much for them, worked in many different stores, worked so hard but there just wasn't a higher position for me anywhere and I want to successful and just think New Look would not have been able to give me a position for a very long time especially in the current climate.

I started looking for jobs on Indeed. I applied to at least 100 jobs! I still wanted a Customer Service job as I'm good at it. I came across a job that was for a company called JHS which is a music instrument/accessory distributer, I thought oh this would be cool as its customer service based and its on music so everything I love! So obviously I applied.

We come to an end of my blog, this is what this blog is about, I went to an interview for this job, it was my first interview in a very long time....

I got the job! I officially start tomorrow, I have left retail and I am finally working in the music Industry, no it isn't the sound engineer career but to me it's better. It's Monday-Friday 9-5 all to do with music. My life now literally revolves around music and I wouldnt have it any other way!

Thanks for reading, wish me luck!

#Career #Job #Music industry #JHS #New Look #Fashion #Retail #New career #New job #Life

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blastthatsadfm · 7 years ago

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shizaya

I love when my mutuals indulge me on my Shizaya Thirst.

• when or if I started shipping it. Ever since I saw them on the opening and I’m not even kidding. I wish I was.

• my thoughts: Literally, almost every problem those two ever had (including some of the emotional ones) would be fixed if they could find something like a peaceful coexistence. A Truly peaceful coexistence. That could be by just being companions, snarky friends or being a couple (this last one, Im just saying, IM JUST SAYING).

But at the same time, it just… wouldnt be them, if they didnt have passionate feelings for each other. So much of their characers, of their actions, of their feelings, of their personality, was build because of their meeting, because of their contact with each other. This is why I cant really see them being close friends without, somehow, falling in love. Or becoming destructive/self destructive again.They’re literally incapable of being indifferent to each others very existence. Not, at least, without taking a huge toll of their energy.

• What makes me happy about them: They’re on each other’s mind all the time and thats canon. Izaya costantly mentions Shizuo when talking about his only exception on his sick, twisted love for humanity. Scratch that, Izaya mentions and talks about Shizuo all the time when nobody asks.

Shizuo is reminded of his own brother when he sees Izaya’s little sisters. I though that connection was odd to have with someone you hate; to be reminded of the positive bonds in your life, by remembering the ones your enemy has. At some point in the novels, on Shizuo POV, when he’s wondering about his past, in which everyone was afraid of him, he specifically remembers Izaya as the one who didnt. And then Narita immediately goes “but he was a man! no homo”.

Besides that, they complement each other. In personalities, in color palettes (I draw! Leave me alone!), in actions. They polarize each other on a perfect way inside the narrative.

• What makes me sad about them: WAHT DOESNT MAKES ME SAD ABOUT THEM, I SHIP THESE GUYS ENTIRELY TO SUFFER, IT SEEMS.

They’re both very lonely. And its due to their own unchanging nature. And they have a very difficult relationship with bonds. Y E T they seek for bonds, each one on their own way. Izaya by rejecting them and creating his own rules about his relationship and dynamics with people. Shizuo, by accepting his loneliness while at the same time accepting he yearns for connecting with others.

They’re both very sad, deeply lonely characters and due to that I think they do understand each other on a level no other character is able to. (Shinra sees it, but from a detached point of view.)They seem to deny it and push it, though.

Obvs, at the end of the novels Shizuo gets better (but at what cost?).

They’ll never be completely happy or free until their conflict reaches an satisfiable end and I do hate the fact Narita pulled away from that at the last fucking second, after an entire, intense and ultimately useless build up.• things done in art/fic that annoys me:

- When they’re already on a stablished relationship but Shizuo is constantly brute and hurtful. So unnecessary. Especially when, on the plot, is constantly uncalled for, when Izaya has barely done anything to be an acceptable target.There’s a difference between this and being snarky, and I cant see Shizuo not being devoted and compromised with a person he’s in a relationship with. Also, because its usually justified that, despite how brute, uncaring and hurtful he acts, “Izaya knows Shizuo loves him”, which is just…. Yeeeaaah, guys, being treated like shit by somebody you do know loves you, doesnt necessarily makes things better. The same thing for Izaya taunting Shizuo or provoking him on a distressful manner.

((Its not like I dont want conflict in their relationship, but if I start to wonder wtf those people are even doing together, then you’re not handling writing them on a “relationship”. Relationships are supposed to have nice moments once in a while.))

- When people go ~~dark and gritty~~ and cant decide if they love or hate each other, and then tropes like rape and abandonment and emotional abuse are evoked. Dont do that shit if you dont know what you’re going to do with those plot elements.

- People are usually way too afraid of going far with Izaya’s character (which is such a waste, he’s the character to go far with.), afraid of making him OOC and getting him wrong (which I kind of get it). And then they go T o o F a r with Shizuo’s one instead, making him IDK kill people, be angry with everyone 100% all the fucking time, eat 92059482 cakes, act stupid and unthoughtful, and generally being dumb or selfish, which is just… Ok, but what happened with the Silent Shizuo, who honeslty ponders over things while walking the street, and is kind with people he cares about??

• things I look for in art/fic: Well written Smut To Be completely honest. Its been months I havent read fics of those two but I used to read all the time. . But I was usually up to any kind of trope as long as the author made it work.

Oh! Things around their relationship with their siblings or Raijin schoolmates. It honestly surprises me the lack of it.

• Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: I’m not a multishipper with Shizaya, man. Its all or nothing. Cant see them fitting well (and being honestly happy and peaceful and at ease) with anyone else.

• My happily ever after for them: So many. One in which they slowly learn how to trust each other and how to lean on each other (after, I assume, a lot of heartbreak). One in which, by loving each other and accepting each othe’s love, they learn how to love themselves, for who they happen to be. And then, they get a puppy.

• what is their favorite non-sexual activity? Play videogames. Imagine those two playing Mario Kart, how fucking competitive wouldnt it be?? They usually end up yelling at each other, at the end. But the fun, overexcited, kind of yelling.

Also talk, just … talking. Izaya loves to babble on, about philosophy and whatnot, but Izaya also talks about the russian literature he’s read, his favorite authors, his favorite theories, the random trivia knowledge he posses for which he has no use for (”did you know Shizu-chan, that [random useless fact about caterpillars]” “…. …. ..hmm, caterpillars are cute” “are they?? no, theyre not.” “yes, they are.”.). Shizuo just listens. He likes listening him. Shizuo would also confide him things. Slowly and in parts. Like his feelings of loneliness, his feelings of guilt, his complicated emotions towards his brother, towards his failures, his fights, his violence. Things that make him feel awful but dont anymore. Izaya wouldnt judge, he’s done and thought worse. Izaya would know better how to put into words, talk with Shizuo about myths of monsters, of heroes. Of psychology theories. Fill the silence after every confession, knowing hes doing so and why hes doing so until he gets a laugh out of Shizuo, or leaves him at ease.

Also, maybe watching cartoon when Akane and the Twins come to visit. Izaya overanalyses them or falls asleep, no middle term. Shizuo just enjoy them and makes tea for Akane.

Eat out at the Russia Sushi. Meet up with their siblings for awkward karaoke nights (Kasuka’s idea.).

Shizuo cooks for Izaya. Shizuo moves in cuz Izaya’s place is nicer. Izaya remodels his kitchen solely for him and Shizuo to cook more confortably.

Shizuo makes breakfast while Izaya is asleep. He hums or sings while making tasks. Izaya loves hearing his voice from the other room. He could always tease Shizuo about it but he doesnt because he doesnt want Shizuo to stop doing it.

#shizaya #durarara #drrr talk #orihara izaya #ty! i know u dont ship it so this was really nice of u #long post #text heavy #how do you english #the otp #otp talk #isa talks headcanons

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randomfandomz · 5 years ago

Text

Apocalypse Sanders- Chapter 1

!!!WARNING!!!

This is VERY angsty, and includes heavy gore and violence, with heavy mentions of abuse. Please stay safe all!!! If there is a trigger I didnt mention, please please please tell me and I'll include a warning in this and all other posts I make about this story with such a trigger included! And if you cannot read it due to a trigger, I will be happy to give you a summary! This is probably gonna be the most violent chapter, and there is much fluff ahead!

"Get down." It was Logan.

"Why should I, calculator nerd?!" Roman said with a sly smirk.

"Because if you dont I'm telling Patton."

"Oh, so scary! I'm shaking in my boots!" The ten-year-old Roman retorted without missing a beat. Logan raised an eyebrow.

"Foolish child." Logan grabbed Roman and set him back down on the ground. Roman kicked him in protest, but it did next to nothing. "You're not even wearing boots!

Roman decided not to correct Logan.

"It was a metaphor, Lo." That's what Virgil was for; an emo 12 year old that was never found without an old black and purple hoodie that he always wore even before the apocalypse. Logan was about to respond, but found that Roman had already reached the top of the staircase again, hanging off the side of it, like the scene from 'Titanic'.

"Lo, please get Roman down from there..." Patton had arrived.

"Will do." Logan responded, and Roman pouted.

"TRUE WARIORS NEVER GIVE UP!!!" Roman yelled. He was met with various shushing from the rest of the occupants of the room.

"Your quest is over with, Ro. And stay quiet, you'll attract the creatures outside." Patton scolded lightly. Roman decided to listen to Patton, having seen the terrified expressions on the other's faces at his yell.

Patton adjusted his radio, hoping for a response today. The radio was oldish and didnt work the best, but it had good distance and he hoped that if there were any other survivors, he could contact them.

BANG BANG BANG

The sound of desprate knocking on the door caused the room's occupants to immediately look up from what they were doing to look at the door. The terrified child tried to tear himself away from his mother's grip, but was unable. She whispered to the child angrily, and he shut his mouth.

"PLEASE LET ME IN PLEASE THEYRE AFTER ME HELP—" The voice of a young woman practically screamed through the door. The child watched as his father grabbed a shovel from the table and opened the door. The woman ran through the doorway, a single zombie chasing after her.

Crack! The creature's head was smashed. The now headless zombie reached for the child's father. Crunch! Sqish! A few more hits to its rotten flesh did the trick. Another scream came from behind his father. The woman—he couldnt exactly see her face due to the tears spilling from his eyes down his own cheeks.

One of the monsters had followed her inside.

The woman picked up a vase, throwing it at the zombie. It was knocked off its feet, but got up once again. It lurched towards her, biting into her shoulder greedily. She screamed as the creature tore through her flesh with the eagerness of a child getting presents on Christmas. The child's mother dug her nails into his shoulders nervously. Against her motherly insincts, she used her child as a sort of sheild, standing back and pushing him to the front, giving him front row seats to the whole scene. The child's father stood back, knowing there was no saving her now. She screamed bloody murder as her flesh was eaten right off her living body. His father came to his senses and whacked the creature in the head with the shovel. A few more hits and it had stopped moving. He then crushed the woman's head, ending her life, as now that she had been bitten, there was no saving her... But the monster had done so much more than just bite her. The two corpses laid in the livingroom, bringing a terrifying silence. The brutally gorey image would haunt the child for years to come.

Patton and the kiddos looked for new shelter after a few days of staying in the previous house. Patton approaches the door, which had bloody scratch marks, most likely from zombies attempting to get inside the house.

~~~

"Are you okay ××××?" His father asked his wife. The child tuned out the conversation, reflecting on the events that had just occured. He felt sick and terrified. Tears continuously streamed from his eyes and he was shaking furiously. A loud scream awakened him from the trance. He looked up just in time to see his father being bitten by the creature. His neck had snapped and he was dead before he could scream. No, the scream he had heard was from his mother. He felt himself being pushed forward as his mother cowered in fear.

"Mommy's gonna run away now, okay? She's going to... go get help! Can you be a big boy and stop the monster for me sweetie? Make sure he doesnt get to mommy, okay!?" She said it as if she were merely asking him to do a chore or something of the like. As if she wasnt asking her young child to fight off a bloodthirsty monster while she got away. The child froze in fear as the zombie ran forward, and the child ran around it. The zombie grabbed the child, pulling him towards it by the head. The creature's grip however was not very strong, and the child was able to break free. The left side of his face felt like it had been ripped off, but, leaving a bloody trail, he was able run past his screaming mother into the hallway.

"YOU UNGREATFUL BRAT! YOU DIDNT KEEP THE MONSTER AWAY FROM MOMMY! OH MY GOD IM GOING TO DIE AND IT'S YOUR FAULT!" The zombie, hearing the woman's screams came towards her instead, deciding to take the easier option to get its meal. The child ran to the basement, hearing his mother's screams grow quiet, but not dead, but the zombie must have ripped her vocal chords in some way, as her screams were no more and sounds of desprate struggling could be heard. He caught a single glance of the gruesome scene before closing the heavy basement door. It was almost too heavy for him to lift, but he managed to close it shut.

The child stayed there for what felt like hours, days even, though there was no way for him to tell exactly how long it had been.

When Patton had first laid eyes upon the scene before him, he had second thoughts about using this apartment as a living space. The door was left open and he wasnt sure if what had killed these people were still there or not. But, as the sun had began to go down and it would surley be dark in an hour or two, he decided to quickly clear the bodies, and after a breif but thorough look around the house to make sure it was safe and livable, have the group move in for the time being.

Logan occupied the children with activities and conversations(so they wouldnt see the gorey mess) right outside the building.

There were four bodies. The man at the door was the heaviest and the one Patton had the most trouble moving. All the bodies were a bloody mess; the corpses of the man and two women were eaten alive, but not in entirety. The final body seemed to have been dead for longer than the others, and had possibly had a hand in one of the three other's deaths before it's mealtime was cut short. It looked more like an undead creature than a dead human being.

After a long while of cleaning the bodies and searching the halls for possible dangers, he finally let the children into the house. There was of course still blood and such, but it was nothing the children hadnt seen before. No bodies though. Before long, Virgil was sitting on the couch, Logan was accompanying Roman on a "quest" to find new supplies(he was hoping for a crayon box, as he had ran out of crayons that worked well enough to draw with; they were reduced to mere stubs), and Patton was gathering and rationing any scraps of food they had managed to find.

Roman was just begining to loose hope of finding anything, when he saw the door to the basement. It was closed shut, but with some force it opened, its hinges weak from excessive misuse, and rusted by the passage of time. Logan, seeing a bloody trail leading to it, was about to stop Roman, but the child had already started walking inside.

"Roman! Get back here!" Logan rose his voice, but dared not yell. Patton and Virgil were able to hear this still, and Patton came to see what was going on.

"Catch me~!" Roman spoke playfully. He ran a few feet, but after a bit stopped dead in his tracks.

"Roman, get back here now!" Patton's worried tone reached his ears. Roman simply stared at something, a space between dark objects that couldnt be identified with the room's dark lighting; Or rather, it's lack thereof.

"There's another kid down here!" Roman said innocently. Patton and Logan shared surprised looks. "Hi, what's your name?" Roman asked a shadow. Thinking the poor child had stumbled upon a corpse, Patton called Roman once again. It was only when a stifled sob escaped the shadowy figure's mouth that Patton decided to see what—or who—Roman was talking to.

When the child stepped into the light, it was a rather heartbreaking sight to see. A little boy, it seemed, covered gead to toe in bruises and wounds, the most noticeable of which covered the entire left side of his face, dried blood caking his hair, clothes, and skin. Daek circles and bloodshot eyes showed nights of restlessness and sleep depravity, tear marks almost looking like a longways rash or scratch down his face. He looked almost like one of the walking corpses himself, and it was a wonder he survived so long. His knees shook with the effort it took to stand, and Patton leapt down the stairs to catch the collapsing child before he almost took a wuite possibly fatal blow to the head upon collision with the wooden floor.

"Who the actual fuck is that?!" Virgil exclaimed, seeing the near-dead child that Patton was now cradling in his arms. He couldnt be more than seven or eight years old. Patton was preoccupied with cradling the child while trying to examine the wounds so he could fogure out how to help him properly.

"Virgil!" Logan snapped in a low voice. "Language!"

Virgil gave Logan a mocking smirk, but the issue was ignored after a few minutes of hushed bickering and a bit of explaining, as the child now laying on the couch while Patton tended to his wounds opened an eye, and Patton shushed them.

"Heya kiddo.. Dont worry, everything's going to be alright now." The child gave a panicked look, and kicked his legs weakly to try to escape what he thought to be a threatening situation. "Youre safe, I'm fixing you up right now. Can you just stay calm for me and tell me... tell me anything? We need to keep you awake to make sure you're alright. Can you do that for me?" The child nodded slightly, barely noticeable if not for the extreme attention the child was receiving from Patton. "What's your name kiddo..? Can you tell me your name..?" Patton asked the child hesitantly. After a few long moments, the child responded:

"Dee.... I am Dee..."

0 notes

crown-eater · 8 years ago

Text

A maze of pain and insane fantasies

Over the course of the past week, ‘Choly had been making a genuine effort to start moving into Cecil’s apartment beyond simply leaving a few belongings here and there as he came and went. Things hadn’t quietened down on the Bell front, but his landlady had served him yet another "final notice” that felt more ominously terminal than the others that had come before it. So between acclimating to his metagenesis and running errands for Bell, Chalcedony, and the Tellurides, he had found himself doing his best to at least scavenge the important things.

Like the leg lamp.

The leg lamp caused a huge fuss, and it ended up in the garbage at least twice. Cecil hated the thing, but it was one of ‘Choly’s most cherished possessions, one of the few things he felt his mother’s hoarding habits had yielded to benefit. He had no idea why it existed, or what cultural significance it might have had, but it was his and he loved it. Ultimately the lovers had to agree to disagree, and the leg lamp moved around the apartment as Cecil repeatedly disowned it. ‘Choly always returned it to the side-table beside the daybed he’d taken for his own.

'Choly had a sizable collection of physical copy novels, including his most prized possessions Roadside Picnic and Crash, the former of which being a nearly verbot relic and thrill token, a tangible piece of Quarter history. But, the stack of roughly a dozen novels paled as child’s play compared to the walls of Cecil’s apartment so densely lined with bookshelves that he also used them as sectional dividers. Cecil had been spelunking to rescue books since childhood, and he cultivated two very different collections from the life’s work: one at the physical copies wing of the library, a good third of it his own additions, and a second at home. His private collection was comprised of books which catered to his own personal interests, including many books too damaged to donate or too controversial to air in public.

Unprecedented for ‘Choly was the experience of a good Wi-Fi signal in a private setting. Cecil had left ‘Choly to the task of unpacking a couple of boxes while Cecil went to work for the day, and once ‘Choly felt like he had gotten sufficient progress, he treated himself to Web surfing unabated.

The notification sound of his chat app startled him, and at first he was disgruntled because an unfamiliar username was messaging him.

9augen: hey you havent been posting very much lately

9augen: everything all right?

9augen: this is rev by the way

«There you are, you stupid ghoul,» he thought to himself. «So you went silent for over a month and came back with a new username. Clever.»

ketherphorbia: *i* haven’t been posting much lately?

ketherphorbia: welcome back to the land of the living

9augen: not quite

9augen: i was just wondering. isnt like you. didnt even make a journal post

9augen: usually you vent if somethings wrong?

ketherphorbia: you’re honestly the only person who’s noticed the radio silence, ironically

9augen: why wouldnt i notice? youre my favorite for reasons you know

ketherphorbia: ...i guess if i can dish to somebody, it’d be you

ketherphorbia: i, well

ketherphorbia: i did it. i tried it.

9augen is typing...

9augen: whatd you get your hands on???

ketherphorbia: the junk that’s making all the stalkers sick. fluxeldrin. turns out my assumptions were wrong. it’s not what made the supermarket geek

9augen: ...

9augen: the slag does it do to a dreg then

ketherphorbia: a lot of what it did really slagging sucks. i’ve mentioned my joint disorder before. all those symptoms are magnified to a fault. i...

ketherphorbia: i kinda literally fall apart now

ketherphorbia: on the plus side, it did make me a meta. a really shitty meta, but ME. a META.

9augen: magic fall apart powers sound incredibly useful to me

9augen: haha pics or it didnt happen

ketherphorbia: yeah i thought you were as hard over this as me, you dreg

ketherphorbia is sending a file DSC39082_100-3493.JPG.

ketherphorbia: it stretches pretty far actually

9augen: fuck--

9augen: shit--

ketherphorbia: did i break you? you should see tricks my dick can do now

9augen: i--

ketherphorbia: i really need to take pics of that, but i’ve been kind of nervous to post ‘em anywhere

9augen: slagging cocktease the fuck man. im at a finnegans

ketherphorbia: sorry

9augen: no you arent. one of the reasons i love you

ketherphorbia: yeah no you’re right. you know me too well

9augen: ive told you before i think youre cute right

ketherphorbia: slag, the skin thing makes it hard to disagree with you

9augen: i never sent you a pic of me did i

ketherphorbia is typing...

ketherphorbia: i’m taken, y’know, but no. you haven’t.

9augen: i know. youre a chouay nasty little creature now like youve always wanted. maybe not the next clayface. but you still have got this teratophilic dregs heart pounding hard tonight

ketherphorbia: ...i try

9augen: theres a reason i havent sent you a pic before, but the reason i was quiet for the past month makes things a little more comfortable. i used to be pretty selfconscious about photographs

ketherphorbia is typing...

ketherphorbia: i have no idea what you could even possibly be going on about. you trying to tell me something happened last month? are you going to tell me what happened or not

9augen: The vampire stuff isn’t an act anymore.

ketherphorbia is typing...

ketherphorbia has stopped typing.

ketherphorbia: WHAT

9augen is sending a file DSC92734_101-2245.JPG.

ketherphorbia cancelled the file transfer.

9augen: the slag did you do that for

ketherphorbia: vampires don’t show up in pictures

9augen is sending a file DSC92734_101-2245.JPG.

9augen: very funny bugdick

ketherphorbia: ...a hybrid...?

9augen: im more lamprey than anything else. but theres a lot of nuance to the cocktail. fine tuning

ketherphorbia: ...gives a whole new meaning to ‘body modification.’ how the slag did you even get that done last month? isn’t that stuff banned?

9augen is typing...

9augen: slag i hear somebody griping at the waitress about the smell of me. like some dead thing crawled out of the bay. shes probably going to kick me out. i should get going anyway

ketherphorbia: rude. you a wifi hopper too then?

9augen is typing...

9augen: parting thought for you though. i want my mouth all over every inch of that metahuman skin of yours. just imagine all the perfect lancet marks making lace out of you.

ketherphorbia: you show up in pictures. i really doubt i could keep you away just by not inviting you in.

9augen: im pretty sure they just called the cops. not the evening i was anticipating

9augen: i gotta get a bite to eat. later dreg

9augen: and would you really do something to keep me away? ;)

ketherphorbia is typing...

9augen is offline.

ketherphorbia: did you just--

‘Choly nearly flung the reader once his friend logged off without further answers. Had Rev just implied what it had sounded like? After a minute of trying to calm down, he opened the vampire’s selfie again and stared. He’d snapped that picture in the Finnegan’s. Time-stamp aside, ‘Choly could recognize the newsprint-plastered walls in the background--that was a frequent Wi-Fi lurk for him. The fact the two shared a stomping ground but had never initiated meeting in person haunted ‘Choly a bit. But now, his friend was a lot less inconspicuous.

He decided to make lunch instead of try to linger on the chaos that just thrust itself upon him. Hours later, he was checking his mail on his reader, and had gotten correspondence from a 9augen email. The following thread of emails were exchanged over the course of just over two months.

▼ ▼ ▼ ▼ ▼ ▼ ▼ ▼ ▼ ▼

To: [email protected] From: [email protected] Subject: Sorry to have cut out on you like that. —————————————

I suppose I do owe you an explanation, Kether. We’ve known each other long enough, and we trust enough enough. Yes, I did get the work done last month. Yes, that kind of work is verbot. Yes, I’m supposed to keep hush-hush about it until the coast is clear. But, I know I can trust you with the knowledge that the movement is still very much alive and kicking.

You like stories. How about some non-fiction for a change?

I didn’t know what to expect when I went to see him. Aside from what little understanding of splicing I had through news coverage, all I knew of it had been vampires in my coven who’d had the fortune--and I use that word in both senses--to have had work done while it was still legal, to become more like themselves and live as the creatures of the night they were in their souls.

There’s still a lot of under the table activity. Alleyways, clinics. People get work done however they can sneak it. One girl came into this one club a few months ago, even, said she’d traded a few sexual favors for the funds to get a splice that’d emulate albinism for her and would cut her teeth. She was having great difficulty keeping herself from feeding directly from the flesh afterward. They hadn’t used sterile equipment, and the last thing she wanted was to contaminate the coven or its donors. She became a pariah for her limitations after the coven learned of the blood disease. Requiring blood be drawn, rather than be capable of drawing it oneself, is weakness, and in one of us weakness is revolting. And she wasn’t strong enough to accumulate the funds to go about seeking a cure, to dig herself back out of her self-imposed grave.

I was so wary of botched jobs, of diseased implements, of cut dosages... Everything after the ban went into effect sounded too good to be true, that anyone might ever have the chance to get work done again by someone with both the credentials and accommodations to do it and do it well. A friend of a friend was in with one of the underground grafters, got us private referrals for a new project, at a cut rate due to it being a test procedure. None of us was given the same time. The location was a residential address, an apartment in the lower-mid of Union City. Nice, but still obviously it was an aging complex. A feathered girl greeted me and, after confirming I was alone, ushered me inside. Despite being a residential space, the whole place was set up like a laboratory. It was prodigious.

I went in with a lot of specific plans in mind. I told the grafter the things I wanted. Heavy on the bat serum. Wolf eyes. I had the money and the opportunity, and I was going to get exactly what I wanted out of it.

Turns out, I only thought I knew what I really wanted out of it.

Let me tell you. This Linnaeus is the most intimidating, persuasive, and completely dominating individual you will ever have the pleasure of meeting. He’s also probably the most brilliant. I couldn’t even begin to guess what species he’s got in him. In the month since, I’ve been told he specializes in splicing with extinct species. I would call bollocks on such a claim, but it sounds crazy enough to be one-hundred percent true.

After hearing the particulars of my desires, he thought a moment, paced. He pulled up a chair next to me and coolly asked me what vampire species I could name off the top of my head--besides the vampire bat. On the spot and overshadowed by his overwhelming aura, I could only stammer out something stupid, like mosquitoe or flea. I can’t remember exactly what answer I gave him, but I clearly remember his trite, patient laugh that came of it. At that point, he pulled out a graphics reader and tried to pitch to me an entirely different angle. I can only guess that an artist can draw so many of a thing before becoming tired of repetition, regardless of it being a commission. And I am starting to believe that the species I desired for the work simply didn’t push the envelope enough to fit the bill of his particular... project.

This was so much more than just getting the features of bat and wolf. This was about becoming myself. He’d deliberated the best way to give me what I’d be happiest with, and I had the impression he had the entire animal kingdom to sample from--within reason, of course, as he’s working within the shadows of the law. He told me briefly, without going into significant detail, that he was working on harnessing the strengths and idiosyncrasies of all life, going beyond the animal kingdom. It certainly sounds promising, whatever he means.

Ultimately, we came to the agreement that my splicing job would use the pacific lamprey as its base, but that I would get the vampire bat ears I’d sought coming to see him. The underlying work is complex, but everything is so finely tuned to enhance everything else. Cave salamander, and a strange anemone-like creature called a tunicate. Did you know the cave salamander has cultural roots with the Roma? The gills along my neck are mostly superficial, and the lungs don’t do much either--all that’s in my skin now. The nasal structure has a bit of a sonar thing to it, from both the salamander and lamprey; every smell is intense now. Slag, my mouth is filled with teeth now, cheeks ringed with lancets. Linnaeus tells me the tunicate helps with bloodborne pathogens. I later found it also helps with whatever I get exposed to in the bay.

Doesn’t help with the smell, though.

I’m glad that I could reach out to you, and keep correspondence with you. It’s taken a lot to get used to being aquatic, but I regret absolutely nothing that I’ve left behind. Living near the docks has been a slagged blessing. Perfect hunting grounds, and nobody bothers me so long as I stay off shore. I think you’d love hearing about the weird shit I find at the bottom of the bay. Believe it or not, it’s good money. Pawn shops hardly ever have the nerve to question where I got waterlogged goods. Not that it’s smart to question me. With this lean, cartilaginous skeleton, the splicing also yielded me significant height gain, mostly in my torso. The lengthening of my body was necessary to accommodate swimming muscles, but I slouch horribly so it’s hardly obvious just how tall I stand until I straighten up.

I so enjoy the shock value of doing that. Norms haven’t seen the likes of this nascent wave of chimeric hybrids, so I must be some kind of unholy cryptid to them. As though I’d continue unfolding in other ways were they to truly rile me. Admittedly, I do. ...But it’s rare to get a glimpse of the inside of my mouth.

I would love to meet you in person finally sometime. Get acquainted with one another’s new-found inhumanities. Get to play with that skin of yours. Show each other in person what the other’s body’s limits are. Maybe include your boyfriend in fooling around, if he’d be interested. I promise I won’t eat you, either of you, except perhaps in the most platonic sense. I cherish you too much.

Though really, I must admit, the hardest thing about adjusting to this wonderful luck of mine was finding a waterproof reader. Not that I get good Wi-Fi reception in the better half of the bay, nor that I’m able to recharge it without venturing onto land. I just don’t want to slag it up if I get it wet, you know?

This got meandering. I’m going to cut it off here, and leave everything open to discussion. It’s good to be back in touch with you. I wonder if, now that you’re what you write about, that you’ll write about yourself instead of just for yourself.

--Don’t be shy.

▼ ▼ ▼ ▼ ▼ ▼ ▼ ▼ ▼ ▼

To: [email protected] From: [email protected] Subject: Re: Sorry to have cut out on you like that. —————————————

>I suppose I do... >You like storie... >I didn’t know w... >There’s still a... >I was so wary o... >I went in with ... >Turns out, I on... >Let me tell you... >After hearing t... >This was so muc... >Ultimately, we ... >Doesn’t help wi... >It’s taken a lo... >I so enjoy the ... >I would love to... >Though really, ... >This got meande... >--Don’t be shy.

I hope you understand how overwhelmed I am with all this.

I still don’t get how I didn’t pick up after all this time that you were in the vampire scene. That... kind of actually manages to make you even creepier than before. In a good way. I promise in a good way.

Understandable, then, I hope, just how jealous I am of you and what you have. This skin and bone deformity is nothing compared to having become an outright monster, complete with the appetites of one.

Slag it all, man.

You’ve got to tell me everything.

What was it like? To have the serum take effect? You must have been conscious.

Describe it to me.

Your semen must be very salty.

▼ ▼ ▼ ▼ ▼ ▼ ▼ ▼ ▼ ▼

To: [email protected] From: [email protected] Subject: Re: Re: Sorry to have cut out on you like that. —————————————

>>I suppose... >>You like s... >>I didn’t k... >>There’s st... >>I was so w... >>I went in ... >>Turns out,... >>Let me tel... >>After hear... >>This was s... >>Ultimately... >>Doesn’t he... >>It’s taken... >>I so enjoy... >>I would lo... >>Though rea... >>This got m... >>--Don’t be...

>I hope you unde... >I still don’t g... >Understandable... >Slag it all, ma... >You’ve got to t... >What was it lik... >Describe it to ... >Your semen must...

Spouting off Ballard quotes at me. You must be a wreck...

Creepier than before? I suppose. You’ve always known my predilection for the classics. Fang and claw have always been a preference over tooth an nail.

What was it like? It was an utter entheogeny, my friend. Do you know what a grafting gun is like? To aid in the serum’s administration, it isn’t a single needle but six very fine-gauged needles, in a pneumatic hypodermic gun. In that medical implement, the approximation to vaccination is one which makes me smile to this day, chemicals which carried with them the proverbial antibodies which would make me capable of fighting off the plague of a chronic illness otherwise known to the public as “humanity.”

Linnaeus and his technician had before the procedure harnessed me like a modern Saint Andrew, the cross-like restraints having evolved thoroughly alongside the medicine which required them; their robotic cuffs could expand or contract, as could the distance of each of the hydraulic arcs of its aureole, which envelopd the entirety of the body of the device and acted as its structural integrity in the absence of a characteristic saltire structure.

He’d said that it had been difficult to replace this harness in particular after the ban, also said it had been necessary to be procured again. Implications lingered that the ban had bankrupted his agency, though there was something more to the specialty of this device. There had been incidents in the movement’s embryonic state, before he had implemented such measures as protective bondage.

He did not, however, go into further detail.

In deliberate irony or not, he went for the throat for the injection site. The serum itself felt much like a typical intravenous application, well-chilled and somewhat astringent. Heavy in the veins. Its seeming effervescence was not from gases, but of its heterogeneous components under high pressure. The syringe hisses pneumatically when it fires its contents into you One would suppose that someone with an aversion to needles would panic at hearing that sound in the sense of an injection; though, panic might be too considerate a word. Especially inches from one’s ear.

If he had not been referencing a phobia of needles in his practical necessity for the ring-like restraint system, however, it was the resultant agony of a teenage growth spurt, magnified across the span of the boughs of species, and sped up within a frame observable to the naked eye. It was as though I’d never truly experienced the metamorphosis to the adulthood I’d been meant to undertake. As a normal human being acclimates to his changing body, he might have his shins ache, or be inexplicably hungry, or suffer from bouts of hormone swings. All these things are exponentially worse when your cells are shifting between species, and trying to settle comfortably somewhere in between.

I never realized just what kind of masochist I was until that night.

Bone became cartilage. Skin became mucous membrane. Entire organs restructured themselves. There were entire minutes I could not breathe. My jaws dissolved, for the most part; simultaneously, the total surface of my expanding mouth sprouted dozens of rings of razor-sharp thorns. Nearly three times the vertebrae now comprise my spine. I was suffocating, and I was starving.

The metamorphosis extorts a great energy from a hybrid.

The feathered woman was the one to release me from the cross, whispering forth pedantic blandishments as I sank to rest on all fours. As I glared up at her, the extension of my external gills must have seemed more a threat display than a cry for oxygen. My head swam, but all of me needed to. I was too dizzy to take in anything either of them said, though I clearly recall the doctor finding some distinct pleasure and pride in how completely the serum had taken. “You’ll learn to breathe again,” I remember him admiring as the two of them permitted me at last to shove myself out the door and down the street.

I was fortunate that their secret clinic was so low in the city’s bowels, so close to the river. I didn’t care then how rank the water was, how I knew in my heart even just a fraction of the stuff might kill me. Water. I needed water. I don’t remember how I ended up at the dock, or how I ended up in the bay. I imagine I mostly flopped by inertia. The salt only stung for a moment, as it caught me off-guard; but then, as my faculties began to seep back into me, I could tell that the saline levels were facilitating my ability to breathe and take in the water.

So I was a saltwater fish now? I remember asking myself. It’s a good thing I’m a Jersey devil, then, I guess. I remember the insistent hunger, too, and that even then, my veins burned violently, especially those in my skull.

You know me well enough to know what state in which that experience left me. You also know me well enough to take pride in knowing this is an erotic work crafted for ketherphorbia, written for your own eyes only.

I suppose it’s not entirely out of line for me to return the favor, and ask you to describe your metagenesis.

A celebration. A coronation of wounds inflicted against the iniquity of manhood.

We’re both creatures now. More alike than either of us thought previous. Am I right?

I want to see more of you.

▼ ▼ ▼ ▼ ▼ ▼ ▼ ▼ ▼ ▼

To: [email protected] From: [email protected] Subject: Re: Re: Re: Sorry to have cut out on you like that. —————————————

>>I hope you... >>I still do... >>Understan... >>Slag it al... >>You’ve got... >>What was i... >>Describe i... >>Your semen...

>Spouting off Ba... >Creepier than b... >What was it lik... >Linnaeus and hi... >He’d said that ... >He did not, how... >In deliberate i... >If he had not b... >I never realize... >Bone became car... >The metamorphos... >The feathered w... >I was fortunate... >So I was a salt... >You know me wel... >I suppose it’s ... >A celebration. ... >We’re both crea... >I want to see m...

There are no words to convey just how arousing that sounds. I guess the best compliment I can give is to divulge the mighty fine time I’ve had rereading that last email. I can only imagine how the fuck the man knew how bad your autoerotic asphyxia was. Maybe he noticed the rope-like bruising on your neck... I’ll get off your case, but I won’t stop getting off on your case. :)

You want to know how it went? The story’s one testament after another of my own clumsiness and stupidity. It started with a date with Cecil at the coffee shop on Garden Center. The woman spearheading Tri-City’s EPA presence had decided that same shop would be where she would unwind after the day she’d been having, and a point of conversation with Cecil resulted in her burning ears shouldering in to both drop information and grab some of her own from us. One thing led to another, and I ended up with enough information to suggest not just where the Supermarket Geek had taken his spill, but what it had been he spilled in.

I vacillate whether I have hindsight not to have researched my facts further before acting upon them. But it was enough for me, that the conversation had yielded an unprecedented factoid, to the point that said information spurred a particular writing session.

I don’t know if you read the “Quarter Oysters” wip I threw up on my blog a while back. I’ve written more recent things, but there are a number of reasons I can’t share them. Really, though. I don’t know. Maybe I can share them with you. You’ve already made me an accomplice to slag all of verbot shit. Turnabout’s fair play...

Any rate... After writing “Quarter Oysters,” I snuck out of the house and broke into the dump site I’d had described to me. The place was littered with toxic waste drums. In several spots, they were stacked up over a story high. I’d never seen such a thing be so organized as this. Many of them were leaking to spite their order. Some of them even glowed. There were two guards stationed, and I managed to duck them once; they’d almost found me the first time because I’d slipped and thrown out my knee, but I chewed on the shoulder of my shirt and reset it while in hiding. I found a drum of Fluxeldrin cordoned off by tape, and I had my tippling cane with me, so I had a vial to sample of it. I’d have taken more than one, since the cane contained four, but I already heard them coming for me, and I couldn’t hide fast enough. So, I only took the one and hastily reassembled my cane, rather than risk getting caught actively stealing it. They threw me out of the Yard, but they thought I’d just been a snooping idiot cripple. For once my youthful look and decrepit demeanor benefited me. They had no idea I’d smuggled my prize.

I shambled down the street and found myself a safe place where I could mull things over in private. The place was run down, even for a half-completed apartment complex. I’m not even joking, it was creepy as hell. Someone had been living there, I’m sure of it, and from what I saw in the rotting pressboard cabinets, I’m sure they were cooking drugs or bombs or something. There was even a nasty spring-box mattress there. And a bathtub, but not attached to anything. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen the kind that installs into where the floor and wall meet when it’s just a free-floating hunk of fiberglass, but they are unsettling as hell when they’re not installed.

My reader was going dead because I’d used it as a flashlight while retrieving my prize, so I couldn’t really research after the fact. I knew Cecil would freak if he found me in possession of the stuff, so I had to act on it then and there. I didn’t have enough to rub it into my skin and get even coverage, so I decided like an idiot I had to drink it for maximum effect. Fluxeldrin glows an aggressive lime green, is oily like antifreeze, and smells like rotten cut flowers but worse. The consistency of it made it cling to every surface of my innards that it came into contact with, and the smell and taste of it had me fighting all compulsion to regurgitate every last drop of it along with all my organs. I flung the vial after downing its contents, too caught up in the moment to realize the recklessness of it. Fighting the urge to vomit, hands on my mouth trying to keep my lips clenched tightly together, I ultimately collapsed on the mattress, not even caring about the grime.

When I awoke, there was blood on the mattress where my face had been, crusted up around my nose and mouth. I threw out the same knee again upon trying to stand--but this time, I threw it out as though the joint weren’t actually connected, and I spilled out on the cement floor. I really wish my reader hadn’t been dead by then, because I would kill right now for a photograph of something that can make me vomit. And I mean I puked to the bile, the way that the fall had disheveled my leg. Couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I managed to get it back together, and gather my belongings. Putting my cane back together, I barely managed to get to my date with Cecil for lunch the next day.

I bullshat some stupid excuse about having had to hit the yards early that morning for something time sensitive. The night before he’d suggested that he could get me a job working at the Central Library, and after lunch he dragged me up there to show me around. I was interested in doing all this, really I was... but it was so hard with all my joints feeling like every surface was over-oiled. With fifteen minutes to closing time, I ran into the Geek trying to use his library card for the first time. Meeting him, I can guarantee you he’s a stalker too. ...I made an idiot out of myself and really shook him up trying to get him to eat my finger splints. I’m still messed up over that.

But that doesn’t even get to the verbot shit. The stress of having slagged up first impressions with the Geek had me pretty literally falling apart. All the physical problems my joint disorder’s inured me to, that all’s magnified by what the Fluxeldrin did to me. Worse for wear, I ended up trying to get in with Dr. Bell before the All’s Well Clinic closed for the evening. I didn’t manage it. So, I did the logical thing and broke in through the back door with the intent to “borrow” some pain pills, and wait out the night to see him first thing in the morning. The first week I was like this was the most excruciating, man. This condition has the unprecedented ability to drive me to do just about anything to alleviate these systems, when they flare up. And breaking and entering a pharmaceutical storage wasn’t outside the realm of what felt acceptable in my present state that night...

I fell face-first into Bell’s racket. He’s the only doctor in the city with knowledge of the metahuman condition, and the only one whom I can reasonably see helping me cope with what the Fluxeldrin did to me--but it comes at with a high price tag. I know his deal, but he has that B&E hanging over me. If I don’t do exactly what he says, he’s got ways to make my life hell. And he’s got me running shopping errands for him for the truck he cooks for his projects. He’s the heart of the Quarter, I just know it.

I’m so torn on the right thing to do because my dick doesn’t want what’s taking place to ever stop. I guess I’m telling you not just that I trust you not to tell anybody, but that I want some input on what kind of person it makes me, to be going along with this madness to avoid the fallout of shaking the foundation everything’s tentatively scattered upon. I’m scared, Rev. For Bell’s victims, for me, for Cecil. For everybody who’s ever gotten sick in the Quarter.

This got really long-winded and meandered into a “from one friend to another” situation. So, to make it up to you, a quick and dirty recap:

I broke into a stalking yard and stole a flask of fluxeldrin. And drank it. I drank something that fluoresced neon lime green, smelled and tasted like rot, and felt like gasoline. Something I knew could kill me. Something I knew was banned in its industry of origin due to its health hazards. I drank that. And it made me the shittiest meta that will likely ever be.

It’d be nice to meet, but I’m not sure how that would even work. You said you’re a fish now, but you’d be a fish out of water... Even I know better than to go anywhere near the toxic soup that dares to call itself Hudson Bay...

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To: [email protected] From: [email protected] Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Sorry to have cut out on you like that. —————————————

>>Spouting o... >>Creepier t... >>What was i... >>Linnaeus a... >>He’d said ... >>He did not... >>In deliber... >>If he had ... >>I never re... >>Bone becam... >>The metamo... >>The feathe... >>I was fort.. >>So I was a... >>You know m... >>I suppose ... >>A celebrat... >>We’re both... >>I want to ...

>There are no wo... >You want to kno... >I vacillate whe... >I don’t know if... >Any rate... Aft... >I shambled down... >My reader was g... >When I awoke, t... >I bullshat some... >But that doesn’... >I fell face-fir... >I’m so torn on ... >This got really... >I broke into a ... >It’d be nice to...

Delight is in the details. Oh, would I have never expected a short story written explicitly for mine eyes alone--let alone with such minutiae of gauche detail! Were it under suspicion of being fiction, I would think you a master for the unfortunate believability of your tale; that the course of events you’ve described can’t not have happened.

I’ve been around the coastline of the Quarter since my rebirth. The scent you described is very potent for this nose, these gills. If I were to hazard assumptions, I do believe the stuff has begun to seep into the water table, into the river. Of all the areas of the waterways around this city I can’t tolerate, it’s there, believe it or not. Something about it is fundamentally repulsive, and no matter what it is, I can’t shake what feels like an archetypal fear of it. So, for you to so casually narrate your deliberate pursuit of obtaining this Fluxeldrin business, and so flippantly have imbibed it... Well, I harbor a revolting admiration for you.

You do find yourself between a rock and a hard place, I imagine. Several. Or maybe, you simply find yourself hard between all these rocks. I won’t force details, though I can certainly read between the lines. It’s difficult to say. But, knowing you...I needn’t remind you how often we’ve shared the fantasy of some pandemic mutating the masses like some fabric-rending reality, culling the unfit. Everything is perfect.

The world is fluorescing into wounds, as you so describe.

To say you’d kill for something graphic enough to make you retch. I’d love to see it, too. Systemically disarticulate you, just to watch what you’d do. Stretch out that stuff that used to be your skin, curious how translucent it is, admire the veins.

Calling the bay an unapproachable toxic soup, though? I survive just fine in it. It’s all I have, Kether.

Regardless.

I’m sure we can determine a way to make this work.

#the world was beginning to fluoresce into wounds #neinaugen #9augen #melanochro kara #a maze of pain and insane fantasies

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