#would’ve stuck by me if we actually did grow up together

[void-tiger]

…that moment when you’re quite literally told to Love Yourself, For GOD’S SAKE in front of the class 💀

[kaciidubs]

Pearl Necklace

❣ Summary: In which Chris gives you a personally made pearl necklace. ❣  ❣ Word Count: 1.2k ❣ Warnings: Smut, no plot, blowjob, cum play ❣  ❣ Female! Reader [No use of Y/N] | You/Your pronouns ❣  ❣ Additional Tags: Chan is referred to as Chris, Baby, Channie, Lover Boy, Reader is referred to as Baby, Pretty, Princess, unedited, ive been so busy with life and stuck in a writing rut so please take this as an unnecessary apology ❣ Stray Kids Masterlist ❣ General Masterlist

“Baby…” 

Your dramatic drawl came with the equally dramatic act of draping yourself over Chris’s body, effectively gaining his attention from whatever video he was watching on his phone as he happily welcomed your weight sinking him further into the couch. 

“Can I ask you something?”

He laughed, tilting his head, “I’d be surprised if you did all that with the intention of not trying to get my attention - what’s up, baby?”

“Can you give me a pearl necklace?”

The twinkle in your eyes did nothing to explain away your sudden request - you weren’t the type to usually wear accessories as it was already, so the desire for a pearl necklace out of any other form of jewelry had him raising an eyebrow.

“Pearls? Like, pearl beads? I mean…” Glancing at his phone, he swiped at the screen to pull up Google, “We can look up some places that sell them if you really want it, I think I can find a few stores that-”

Your hand swiftly slipped his phone from his hold before locking it and stashing it near the couch pillow underneath his head, dismissing his growing confusion with a charming smile.

“Actually, I was thinking that we could make it together.”

“Oh?” 

Do-it-yourself, of course - he loved when you had little projects you wanted to include him in, even if the outcome sometimes didn’t go to plan, it was the quality time that mattered the most.

“Sure, I’m down for that,” he sat up while you rose to sit in his lap properly, his hands resting on your bare thighs, “did you buy the stuff already? Do we need to go shopping?”

You shook your head, pink tongue peeking out to wet your lips, “Nope, everything we’d need is right here.”

A devilish swivel of your hips, loose pajama shorts almost becoming an invisible barrier against his worn basketball shorts, and his confusion spiked up once again.

“Pretty, what- Wait a second-” Hands gripping the width of your hips, he tried to will away the near instant reaction his body always had when it came to you, “What’s going on? I thought you wanted to make a necklace-”

“I do.”

Normally, your nod of agreement would’ve been enough to clear the air, but when you pulled your oversized t-shirt up and off of your body, the layers only deepened.

“So why are you taking off your clothes? Not- Not that I’m complaining, I just…” His train of thought began to trail off with the drifting of his eyes down your neck, following the contours of your collarbones to the swells of your chest he’d been acquainted with time and time again. “Are we actually making a necklace here or…?”

“We are,” leaning forward, you placed a featherlight kiss to his pouty lips, “we just need to do a few extra steps first.”

Chris designed a few pieces of jewelry in his lifetime, and though he wouldn’t say he’s an expert when it came to the actual crafting of the pieces, he’d be inclined to assume that the process of making a necklace didn’t involve his girlfriend on her knees, giving him the best head of his life - granted, he always considered everything she did for him as the best in his life, but his point still stood.

“Fuck… Just like that, baby- Oh, god-” His head fell against the back of the couch, a shiver running down his spine when he felt the tip press against the back of your throat again. “‘S so good, baby - you’re so fucking good, pretty girl.”

You hummed around his length, hollowing your cheeks as you slowly pulled off of him with a wet pop - lips glistening in a mixture of saliva and precum that put any form of lipgloss to shame.

“Just ‘good’, Channie?” Voice laced with teasing allure, you held the base of his cock as you laved your tongue along one of his balls, sucking at the skin and smirking at the kick of his leg in response.

He choked on a moan, one hand gripping the edge of the couch cushion while the other ran through his hair “Baby, please - I can’t- fuck- can’t really think while you’re doing this!”

Giving his other ball the similar treatment, you littered open mouthed kisses along the underside of his cock, “Mm… Can you look at me then, lover boy?”

To be honest, he wasn’t even sure when he had closed his eyes to begin with, but lifting his head and directing his full attention to you made him realize why keeping them closed was working in his favor.

Hypnotizing sultry gaze behind lidded eyes, your lips resting perfectly against his shaft as your hand gripped the base of his dick with practiced perfection - if he even dared to look any further then he’d see the utterly filthy line of saliva coating your chin, or the way your free hand was making itself busy between your legs.

The twitch of his dick was all you needed to feel to know that you had him right where you wanted him, a satisfied smile curving the corners of your lips as you pumped your fist.

“Ready to make that necklace for me?”

His breath hitched, lips parting to let out a shivering moan as he frantically nodded, “Y-Yeah- Shit, yeah - gonna make you look so pretty, princess.”

Your eyes sparkled, a giddy expression almost overtaking the utter lust exuding from you as you doubled your efforts with your hand - the wet, slick sound floating through the air while you jerked him off.

Chris fought the roll of his eyes as he focused on your goal-driven face, bucking into the drag of your palm as if he were truly fucking you, until the pressure in his abdomen became too much to bear.

“I’m gonna come, baby- Oh, god, yes- Y-Yeah, yeah-” His hand flew from the couch and wrapped around your own, angling his dick toward your chest with panted breaths, “I-I’m coming - I’m coming, f-fuck-”

The first splatter of cum landed directly on your neck, dripping its way toward your clavicle and between your breasts. Tilting your head back just a bit, you felt the warmth of his cum land around the curve of your neck, painting a shaky line of white against your skin with each shivering pass of your combined hands.

He let out a strained grunt as the last few drops dotted your cleavage, using your hand to thoroughly milk himself of the final remains before effectively melting into the couch with a worn sigh.

“So…” Giggling, you dropped your chin to get a better look at your exhausted boyfriend, “How do I look?”

Looking down, he noted the way his release seemed to follow the downward curve before either spilling down your collarbones or further filling out the line down your clavicle, adding a sort of teardrop design to your necklace.

“Honestly?” A breathless giggle escaped him as he reached his non-soiled hand out toward his phone, “How about I take a picture to show you, then we can work on adding some accessories to go with it.”

Safe to say, this wouldn’t be the last pearl necklace you’d receive from him.

✧. ┊Tagged lovelies: @having-an-internal-crisis-rn, @midnightfrog625, @anyhow-everything, @bangchanbabygirlx, @sweetracha, @nightimescapes, @caitlyn98s, @ch4nn13luv, @ihrtlix, @jeonjungkookenthusiast1997, @maximumkillshot, @y-ur--i, @acker-night, @dreamescapeswriting, @specialstay, @s00buwu, @tinyelfperson, @jj-stay, @katsukis1wife, @inlovewithmusician, @keen-li, @armystay89, @main-character0, @vampcharxter, @ddyskz, @prettymiye0n, @bbgnyx, @ivyisnotokay, @bahng-chrizz, @milknhoneyracha, @hann1bee, @palindrome969, @newhope8, @softkissfelix, @luvyev, @luminouskalopsia, @kpopsstuffs, @starquokka, @wolfs-howling, @laylasbunbunny, @zaethefangirl, @chxnb97, @4-chan-inpadella

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[artist-issues]

Watching Arcane. I’m starting episode four. Anyone who’s watched Arcane, can you please tell me whether it gets less melodramatic-manic-warrior-woman-wish-fulfillment, and whether the writing gets better? Because with the whole “check out how unhinged we can make these girls look, it’s every punk-rock Hot Topic 16 year-old fanfiction author’s dream” and the over-dramatic “the father figure’s dead no—wait not yet—NOW the father figure’s dead—wait, not yet—okay, for real, NOW he’s dead” dramaction pacing of the episode’s climaxes, I’m about ready to give up.

But hey, maybe it gets better. Does it get better?

I’ll show you how the writing’s bad, so you know it’s not just a “oh you don’t like girlboss violent rage scenes, well, this is a video game, you just have a taste issue” thing.

That one sequence where Vi is telling Powder about how their friends have done embarassing things, so she feels better about failing—it vibes like a sweet, emotionally fulfilling, character-building scene thanks to the music and the tone, but if you think about it for two seconds there’s nothing about it that should be character-building or emotionally fulfilling. Because Vi’s little “advice” moment makes no sense.

So her bunny rabbit got stuck in the wires. So what. She didn’t throw it too high, like a moron, and get it stuck up there—which would’ve been a parallel to Powder’s screw-ups—some bully threw it up there. Out of her own control. And then she waited for it to fall back down. That has nothing to do with the emotional need Powder has. There’s no lesson there. There’s no callback to what they were just talking about. No encouragement. The story about her friend slipping while vandalizing? The story about the other friend getting stuck running from enforcers? Those things could’ve gone somewhere. But “bullies threw my bunny into the wires?” No through-line.

And what was the piece of advice going to be? “We all have awkward phases? We all mess up in the heat of the moment? You just need more time to grow?” No. It’s “we all have bad days.”

Blahhh. Thanks for saying nothing.

Your sister’s never had a “good day” on the job. Telling her “we all have bad days” is totally not going to make anyone with a brain feel better when that is the context. But Powder just accepts the little speech like it perfectly cheered her up.

And then??

Vi goes, “but we learn!” But we learn? What? How, in your little anecdotes about your friends screwing up and you getting bullied, did anyone learn? You didn’t tell a story that ended with people learning. Where was “but when was the last time you noticed Klagger getting his feet stuck? You mess up enough times, you learn.” That bit of connecting dialogue would actually turn this disjointed, empty dialogue exchange into a believable conversation, with a point.

And then she goes, “and we stick together!” Again, that has nothing to do with the little stories she just told, or any kind of bandaid to Powder’s particular insecurity. “Sticking together” has nothing to do with Klagger’s foot getting stuck or her bunny getting stolen. And also, it was never something Powder indicated she needed to hear.

Because you know why? Until she has her little sobbing freakout tantrum when Vi leaves her behind to go rescue Vander, were never shown that Powder’s worried about being abandoned. We’re shown she’s worried about not being “good enough.” That’s the focus. Not “my sister who’s clearly always stuck with me might someday abandon me if I’m not good enough at fighting and stealing.” So. See how Vi capping off her already-disjointed speech with “and we stick together” made no sense, actually, for this character moment?

Guess why they did that? Because they needed a little added guilt and drama to play on later, when Vi appears for two seconds to abandon her sister. They just wanted to set up the already-overdone “sisters-divided” scene they were planning, later, for maximum drama. “How will we get people to believe that Powder would stop considering Vi her sister? Well, make it seem like THE ULTIMATE BETRAYAL for Vi to walk away! How do we do that? Ehh, let’s just throw a line in here where Vi basically promises they’ll stick together.”

Doesn’t matter that that line doesn’t fit, wouldn’t need to be said, in the rooftop conversation. Doesn’t matter that there’s been no indication before the battle and the death of Vander that Vi would ever really abandon her sister. Just throw the line on in there. Because you can’t remember where you were going with this whole pep talk scene, anyway, you just know you needed it to end on a vaguely big-sister-advice moment. 🙄

Whole show feels like that. Stringing moments together that actually only feel impactful when they’re separated from the larger context. Like, this would make a great clip-show, on YouTube, so far. But as one cohesive whole? Nothing makes sense. Feels slipshod.

But hey. Maybe the writing gets better? Maybe it starts to be more story, less worldbuilding-fanfiction-writers’-wish-fulfillment?

…I mean honestly if I had to describe it, it feels like Coolness Chess.

That’s when you have a bunch of cool interplay ideas, like a list of “emotional character moments,” and you just have to figure out how to maneuver everything so that you can string those moments together.

Like, I can see that they needed that stupid enforcer-classist, Marcus, to witness something traumatic because of his own actions—but I’m guessing having him “see the error of his ways” by working with Silco is just so that he can check two boxes: one, somebody needed to be there to dramatically knock Vi out juuust as she was about to go make amends with her sister, at the contrived moment when her sister appears to be at death’s door with Silco standing over her, after their devastating fight—and box-to-check number two, somebody needed to give Vi a new outlet/“cause” to fight for in the future, so that the contrived-to-be-estranged sisters can dramatically be pitted against each other and fight. So Marcus needs to reform and dedicate his life to, I’m guessing, stopping Silco, so that those two dramatic moments can be strung together.

See what I mean? Coolness Chess. A story that’s not really a story, it’s an emotional-amusement park ride. That’s what this feels like, so far. But again, I only just started Episode 4 and noticed the time-skip after the naively-broken little girl gets together with the twisted villain, all fanfiction-author’s-dream, again. Haven’t seen much past that. So I could be wrong, and this post might age poorly. What do those of you who’ve seen it all think?

[liliansun]

NEVER LET ME GO | LDH

pairing | lee haechan x fem reader

synopsis | it’s pretty much a given when it comes to friends of a long time that one will fall for the other, so you’re not surprised by how long you’ve kept it to yourself. unbeknownst to you, you’re not the only one holding things back and once the truth is out there’s no going back.

genre | university au, childhood/best friends -> lovers, fluff, angst

warnings | swearing, haechan is kinda rude, mentions of sex (non-detailed, just briefly brushed over), winter calls jaemin an idiot (playfully)

featuring | nct dream, heeseung from enha, chaewon from lesserafim, winter from aespa, ryujin from itzy

wc | 6.2k

a/n | shoutout to ash for beta-reading this for me and screaming in pms as she did so 🥺❤️ @ethereal-engene

I. WHEN WE WERE YOUNG

Ever since you were a kid, you always looked forward to growing up. Even if it was just a couple years older than the age you were at, you were constantly thinking about what milestone you would accomplish in the following years. You wouldn’t say this all changed when you met Haechan at the ripe age of 9, but he definitely did hinder your outlook on growing up. Haechan was the type of kid to live in the moment, never once taking the day for granted which truly made the phrase ‘opposites attract’ led you two into an unbreakable friendship from that point on.

As you two sit on the set of swings at a park near your neighborhood, you ponder on what will happen to the two of you as you enter high school in the upcoming semester. “You’ve got your thinking face on.” His voice snaps you out of your thoughts, feeling more relaxed under his tender gaze. “What’s going on in that big brain of yours?” He adds on, playfully flicking your forehead. You wince, rubbing it with a slight pout. “I’m just thinking of what’s gonna be of you and I when we get to high school.” You never could hide from Haechan, always being an open book when it came to talking to him. When you look up from the ground, you can see his eyes soften at your worries.

“I don’t know what’s gonna happen when we get to high school, but I can promise you that I’m always gonna be by your side.” You knew he was sincere, his words putting your heart at some ease. Unexpectedly, he raises his hand and holds out his pinky, something he’s always done when he makes a promise and keeps it. Smiling, you brought your hand up and interlocked your pinky with his. “Me too hyuck.” You said softly, giving his finger a gentle squeeze.

If someone passed by and saw the two of you, they would’ve assumed you’d been in love and are on your way to a relationship. They wouldn’t entirely be wrong at first glance, because you were on your way to being completely head over heels for your best friend and no one could’ve prepared you for it. When you look back to that pivotal moment in your friendship, you’d say that was the first time you finally got a taste of what loving someone could feel like and if you’re honest, you never wanted it to change.

Not much has changed over the years between you two, you’re still pretty much still stuck to the hip and spend a lot of both down and social time together. Even now that you’re both juniors in college, the two of you have found ways around your schedules for one another. While you sit on his bed, going over some notes for an upcoming test, Haechan lets out a loud sigh while slumping his head toward you. Most people would be concerned, quick to ask what was wrong and offer any help, but you knew him all too well to know this was one of his desperate attempts to get your attention. With another loud sigh, you ignore him as you turn the page in your notebook.

“Are you really ignoring me in such times?” He asks, grabbing his shirt as if he was shocked. You smile to yourself, looking up to meet his eyes and straighten your expression. “Have you ever considered that maybe I actually enjoy silence?” Haechan scoffs, turning more toward you as he sits in the chair at his desk beside the bed. “But I’m hungry, let’s go get something to eat.” You can’t deny how incredibly cute he is when he pouts, but that’s something you’d never say out loud. “I just got here 20 minutes ago and now you’re hungry?” As he pulls your notebook from your grasp, he carefully sets it on his desktop. “What if I pay?” Rolling your eyes, you let out a singular huff as you get off his bed.

Haechan takes this as a win, jumping out of his chair with his wallet in hand. “I’m picking dinner tonight.” You tell him, slipping your shoes on. He nods, grabbing his coat and shoes. “Okay, but nothing crazy expensive, I’m using Renjun’s card.” As the two of you leave his dorm, you decide somewhere on campus would settle for the two of you. “Why are you using Renjun’s card again?” You said, watching as he shoved his hands in the front pockets of his coat. “We made a bet and he lost, but I’d feel kinda bad if I blew his bank account.” You nod, continuing to walk beside him as he greets people that pass.

You’re not bothered that almost everyone on campus knows Haechan, I mean he was pretty well liked. He got along with almost anyone due to his outgoing personality and sunshine-like essence. He was essentially a charming guy who knew his way with words and it definitely worked on the girls who spared him a glance. Now that definitely bothered you, but who were you to be jealous of pretty girls wooing over your best friend? Instances like now really reminded you that you’re just the friend that’s been by his side for so many years and that the girls who call him late at night get to experience what you could only imagine, if you were imagining it.

You had continued walking when Haechan suddenly stopped to talk to what you suppose was one of his flings. She had caught his attention by calling him over and in typical male fashion, he followed the pretty girl with the pretty face. You would’ve waited for him, but who knows how long that would’ve taken if he even would’ve made it back. You entered the dining hall alone, looking straight ahead at the selection of food they have out. “What’s a girl like you doing out alone?” A familiar voice appeared behind you, bringing a small smile to your lips. You grabbed a tray and started to get items to accompany your main dish.

“Oh you know, I’m just enjoying the silence before a hurricane comes through.” You said, watching out of your peripheral view as Jeno cracked a similar smile. “Oh yeah? Where’s he at anyway?” He said, grabbing something for himself as he followed behind you. “Talking to some girl by the lab hall.” You stated, going down to pay for your food. “Figures, I bet he was the one who opted for food too.” He says, paying behind you as you wait for him. You give him a nod, following beside him as you two walk to the table where the rest of your friends were sitting.

“Well well well, look who’s finally alone.” Jaemin announced upon your arrival. “She’s not alone if she’s with Jeno, Nana.” Winter said matter-of-factly. “Lover boy is shooting his shot outside and left this gem by herself.” Jeno sat beside you, clicking his tongue as he talked. “Yeah well, one man’s loss is another man’s treasure and I’d like to be that woman.” Ryujin said, playfully winking at you. You laugh, rolling your eyes as you’re about to dig in. Just when you bring the food to your lips, Haechan brings his hands down to your shoulders with enough force to startle you.

“Why’d you get food without me, I said I was gonna pay!” He says, whining as he looks at your plate. You turn your head, staring at his almost guilty expression. “Hyuck, you were off doing your thing so I came to get food.” He sits on the opposite side of you with a frown, picking some food he knew you only got for him off your tray. “Since some of us are here can we talk about the back to school party this weekend?” Winter announced. Jaemin whipped his head toward her slowly, squinting his eyes. “You do know it’s been a month since school started right?” His lack of ability to pick up the slight sarcastic meaning by the party title earned him a punch to the shoulder by Winter. “Yes you idiot, god why do you even talk.”

Jaemin winces as he rubs his shoulder, mouthing to you with a smile that Winter was apparently in love with him. You giggle, continuing your meal till it was nearly done. When you finally notice that Haechan took the cake you had, you frown. You could’ve easily gotten another one, but the one you had was one of the last few on display. Jeno noticed your sudden sadness and put his cake onto your tray. You flash him a smile, mentally thanking him. The rest of the table watches the exchange happen and even more so how Haechan’s expression changes while watching. As you look up confused as to why everyone was eyeing the three of you, you then turn your head to Haechan who was giving Jeno a hard stare.

Putting your hand on his shoulder, he seems to visibly soften at your touch while shifting his gaze onto you instead. “Okay, now that whatever that was is over, I’m gonna go.” Ryujin says as she gets up from the table. You give her a questioned look as she signals for you to follow her. Winter does the same, stealing your cake off your tray. “My cake!” You say, quickly walking around the table to get your dessert. “Sorry hyuck, I’m stealing your girl!” She says as she and Ryujin giggle while leaving the dining hall. You have to jog to catch up to them, finally getting the cake from Winter. “So are we gonna just ignore that or what?”

“Ignore what?” Ryujin scoffs as Winter looks at you in shock. “C’mon y/n, you can’t tell me that boy isn’t head over heels for you.” You don’t comment, staring down at your cake while following along the girls. “Jeno was just being sweet, don’t read too much into it.” “No girl, not Jeno, Haechan!” Winter says, smiling at you widely. “Even I saw those heart eyes throwing fireballs at Jeno when he gave you his food, man was saying ‘don’t touch my girl’.” You shrug, trying to shake off the sickly sweet feeling you have in your stomach. As much as you’d want Haechan to reciprocate your feelings, you don’t ever see it happening.

“He’s not like that, we’re just friends.” Judging by the way the two of them look at you, you know they don’t buy it. If you’re honest, you don’t either, but purely from a one-sided point of view. Only in your dreams will you ever be more to Haechan and throughout the years you’ve learned to accept that. “Whatever you say girl.” Winter says, interlocking her arm with yours. “Speaking of, when was the last time Haechan ever got jealous, do you know?” Ryujin asks, slinging one arm around your shoulder. You smile to yourself at the thought of the memory in mind. “When we were young.”

II. HEADACHE

The next time you saw Haechan was days later when he showed up at your dorm unannounced. You were sitting in bed, headphones in with your calming playlist on mid volume in attempts to soothe your headache. You took some pain medicine to help aid your throbbing head, but nothing seemed to relieve the misery. Your roommate Chaewon decided to go out to study so that you could lay in the dark till you were feeling better. As she opened the door with all her books and bag in hand, Haechan was the last person she expected to see behind it. “Oh, uh did y/n call you over?”

“No, I came to surprise her.” He said, holding up a bag with some of your favorite snacks. He sensed you weren’t in a good mood through the way you were responding to his texts earlier and he did what he thought would cheer you up and bought you food and a drink. “Take care of her, yeah? Her head is hurting badly.” She said as she walked past him while he entered. He saw you laying in bed with the blanket up to your cheeks, the curtains covering the windows beside your bed. Quietly, he takes his shoes off and sets the bag down by your bed. You had yet to notice his presence while he started taking the snacks out and laying them on your bedside table.

When you turned over, you weren’t entirely surprised to see him beside you. You paused the music, taking a headphone out to hear him humming along to the music that was playing. “What are you doing here hyuck?” You asked as you moved over in your bed to make room for him. He pushed the cover back gently, climbing into your bed and taking the headphone you had offered up. “I noticed you were off in text today so I brought you some stuff to see you smile.” You were truly down so bad, the simplest yet sweetest gesture had you flushed in the cheeks and you couldn’t help it. To hide how hot your face got, you pushed your head against his chest once he got comfortable.

“Just a headache is all.” You mumbled, listening to his heart beat inside his chest. You felt your mind start to relax under his touch, the feeling of him rubbing the back of your hair had you hyper aware of his gentleness. A comfortable silence continued on between the two of you, just the sound of music and soft breathing filled the room. “Are you planning to go to that party Winter mentioned?” You suddenly ask, feeling his chest rise a little more at your question. “Dunno, you going?” You nod, blinking at the fading light peeking through the window by your roommate’s bed. “Maybe I’ll go just to protect you from any wandering eyes.”

You sat up, smiling down at Haechan. “Wandering eyes? What are you now, my father?” You said, laughing a little as he sat up. “I’m serious y/n! Some guys are out to get pretty girls like you who just so happen to be all alone.” You said that so confidently that you couldn’t help, but to laugh. “Why are you laughing, huh?” With one brow raised, he eyed you as you started to calm down. “Nothing, you’re just too funny.” Haechan sat up quickly, switching the way you two were positioned in your bed. He was now hovering above you, hands immediately finding their way to your most ticklish spots. “Oh so I’m funny now huh? Do you find this funny?”

You couldn’t stop laughing as you tried to fight off his devilish hands. After what seemed like nearly 10 minutes of being tickled nonstop, Haechan moved his hands away from your sides to let you catch your breath. Unbeknownst to you, he was watching the way your eyes crinkle when you smiled. Bringing one hand up to your cheek, he pulls a piece of your hair away from your face. You suddenly went stiff, watching his eyes shift from yours down to what you could only imagine was your lips. Your breath seemed to be caught in your throat as you noticed how he didn’t look up nor did he move.

You didn’t know what to do, whether to move in and close the space between you or to make your way from underneath him and pretend this didn’t happen. Your heart was saying one thing, but your mind opted for another. You cleared your throat, bringing Haechan to his senses as he got off from above you and stood beside the bed. His cheeks were a light shade of pink as he rubbed the back of his neck. “So yeah, uh as I said earlier.” He said, shifting his eyes around the room to ease the awkward tension. “The snacks, yeah..the snacks.” He could feel your gaze on him, but he couldn’t bring himself to meet it.

A couple minutes pass while silence fills them before either of you speak up. You’re about to try and change the subject when you hear his phone go off. Normally when he was with you, he’d only have select contacts on for notification so you assumed it must’ve been his roommate. Glancing at the caller ID when he pulls it out, you knew whoever it was that she must��ve been important. Something about his expression makes your heart sink into the pit of your stomach. He almost smirks at his phone before realizing where he’s at and what had just happened.

“I think I’m gonna go.” He said, shoving his phone back into his pocket. Silently, you nod without meeting his eyes. You could practically feel the tears starting to sting as they welp up, opting to not cry in front of Haechan over something you consider dumb. He can sense the change in atmosphere, your posture and sudden energy makes his heart break, but he’s too scared to comfort you after what happened just moments ago. “I’ll see you at the party y/n.” He said as he left while you looked over at the way he laid your snacks. Part of you wonders if he knows what he’s doing to your heart and part of you thinks it’s just how he is and that maybe you’re not as special as you hope you are to him. Either way, he has your heart in his hands and it’s too delicate now compared to your reappearing headache.

III. FAIRY GODMOTHER

“So you’re telling me that he was about to suck your face off, but for a message from his booty call and left?” You stare at your roommate, quite shocked at the way she worded everything from what you all told her. “Yeah, pretty much I guess.” You replied, throwing your head back onto the bed with a groan. You could hear her laughing, lifting your head to see her hysterically laughing into her hand. “I don’t see what’s so funny.” You continue, trying to hold back from joining her. As she calms herself down, she straightens up while wiping away her tears. “I knew transferring to SMU was gonna be different than HYBE-U, but y’all are a different breed on this campus.” She says, getting up from her chair that she pulled beside your bed and made her way toward your closet.

“What exactly are clothes gonna do to salvage what dignity I have left?” You asked, getting off your bed to meet her in your closet. She rummages through your clothes in the back, a section of clothes you never really wore unless you wanted to feel extra pretty. “We’re gonna make him jealous at the party tonight.” She said as if that was the most common sensible thing. You stare at her worriedly, especially with the outfit she had chosen. “C’mon y/n, haven’t you ever read those fanfics where the girl gets the guy jealous which lures him into confessing his underlying love for her and they live happily ever after?”

“This isn’t a fanfic nor is it a fairytale chae.” You said, watching as she turns to you with a bright smile. “C’mon, I know a couple of people who can ease your mind.” Hesitantly, you followed her across campus to one of the halls you had only been in once. You were starting to get a nagging feeling of where she was taking you, but you tried to relax and follow along with her. You entered the same dorm hall you knew that Chenle and Jisung stayed in, walking past their door with a small smile on your face. As she continued down the hall, she stopped at one door that you knew was most likely a single room.

After a few knocks and the loud music from inside the room stopping, a very tall and yet handsome guy opened the door. “Oh, hey Chaewon.” He said, instantly smiling down at her. “Heeseung, this is my friend y/n who also doubles as a roommate and we kinda need your help.” She says, walking past him to enter his room. Unfazed, he steps aside and gestures for you to enter the room as well. Upon entering, you recognize almost immediately that he was a music major. He had music sheets laid across his desktop, an acoustic guitar on his bed and the stereo where you could only assume that the music was coming from was on his bedside table.

“Heeseung also transferred from HYBE-U, mister smarty pants graduated early so even though he looks older, he’s a year behind.” She said, taking his chair as her seat from his desk. He smiles at you, shrugging as he walks over to sit on his bed. “I just got lucky is all, don’t listen to the fairy tales she tells.” You nod, leaning against the wall while still observing his room. “So she is a fairy godmother after all?” This made Chaewon laugh, nodding in agreement. “So what’s up, did you need something or do you just enjoy my company?” Heeseung asked as he leaned against his pillows. “My dear y/n here has a case of the lovesick for her best friend who just so happens to be a fuckboy.” You groan, dropping your face into your hands while Heeseung surprisingly listens without comment. “So I need you to come to the party with us tonight that he’ll be at to kinda spice things up.”

You could hear some shuffling, but nothing was said by either of them. Just as you’re about to look up, Heeseung grabs your wrists and pulls them from your face. “Are you okay with this y/n? I know we just met, but I don’t want to tag along if you’re not down.” You had to truly think about your answer for this because this could make a lot of both good and bad things happen between you and Haechan. Part of you was too scared and slightly insecure to try and get his attention on you, but you also felt like you waited so long for this and if not now, then when. You finally nod, giving both Heeseung and Chaewon the green to get ready and go. After you and Chaewon had finished getting dressed, the two of you met Heeseung down by his car for a ride.

Winter and Ryujin were texting you nonstop on the way asking why you didn’t ride with them and once they were filled in, they completely understood. You were typing away on your phone to your friends, not noticing Heeseung smiling softly at you. “How long have you two known each other?” You look up at him confused until you follow his eyes to your lock screen. It was a picture you and Haechan took over the summer when you visited your hometown, the sun kissed his skin beautifully while you hid from it with glasses and a hat. “Over 10 years.” You answer, looking up to meet his eyes for a second. “I hope this goes well for you.” Your heart melted at his words, reaching over to give his shoulder a gentle squeeze. “Me too because if I’m honest, I’m tired or watching you two shoot love arrows with your eyes.” Chaewon said as she got out of his car.

Both you and Heeseung got out of the car, making your way into the NCT Fraternity house. Heeseung was always one step behind you, playing into the whole idea that he was your plus one for the night. You could see some familiar faces throughout the crowd, looking around to see if you could spot one of your friends lingering around. “You two have fun, I’m gonna go find a drink.” Chaewon said, barely audible over the music before she slipped off into the crowd. “You’re not weird are you?” Your question makes Heeseung laugh, shaking his head as you seem pleased with his answer. You grabbed his hand, pulling him toward the side of the house where the kitchen and typically a pool table was at.

Just as you turn a corner, you spot Renjun and Winter talking over by the kitchen entrance. “I found some of my friends.” You said, getting a nod from Heeseung as you made your way through the crowd. “There she is!” Winter said a little louder than you expected. She throws her arms over your shoulders, pulling you into a hug. You smile, returning the hug as she laughs into your hair. “Do I know you?” Renjun asks, immediately eyeing Heeseung down. “He’s my plus one, Jun this is Heeseung, Heeseung this is Renjun.” You say, prying Winter’s arms from around you.

You fidget under Renjun’s questioning gaze, knowing he has more questions that you’d rather not answer. He senses your shift in demeanor, rolling his shoulders back in attempts to relax. “Did you already meet up with Haechan?” He says to which you answer him no. “Last time I saw him, he was somewhere out near the rooms.” You nod, bidding goodbye as you decide to take the way through the kitchen to avoid less people. “People have been eyeing us since we walked in, just a heads up.” Heeseung says as he leaned down near your ear. You start to turn to face him as someone behind you nearly knocks you over.

You shut your eyes, waiting for the impact of the floor to hit until you realize someone is holding you up, or rather someone. You can smell Haechan’s cologne behind you, making your lips instantly curl up into a smile. Just as you’re about to say something, you follow his hard gaze to Heeseung who was holding onto your wrist and hip. “Are you okay y/n?” Heeseung’s voice snaps you out of the fog that the situation puts your head in. You nod, standing up with a little more effort as Haechan’s eyes move between the two of you. “Why are you still touching her?” Haechan’s tone was something you’ve never heard before. He genuinely looked like a million things were going through his head and one of them was about to be directed to the boy beside you.

“I was helping her up, who are you again?” Heeseung asked, feeling slightly intimidated and confused as to why the boy in front of you looked like he was going to go to war for you. “I’m her best friend, Haechan, you are who again?” You put one hand on his chest, feeling how tense he was as he took deep and shaky breaths. “Heeseung, her date for the night.” When you felt his warm hand on your shoulder, you didn’t know whether to push him away or accept the warmth. “Do you mind if I steal your date then?” Heeseung looked at you, asking through his eyes if you were okay. When you gave him a nod, he slowly backed away and eventually made his way through the crowd.

Haechan grabbed your hand as soon as Heeseung was out of sight, bringing you along the back of the house and into the back yard. You immediately start to rub your arms due to the slight breeze blowing your way. “Wanna explain who the fuck that was or do I need to guess?” You were genuinely shocked by his sudden hostility, crossing your arms over your chest. “Excuse you? What’s your deal hyuck, he’s just a friend that came with me to the party.” Haechan laughed, a little too unsettling for you to digest before he looked back at you. “Oh so he’s a friend huh? Is that what you do with all your friends now, nearly kiss them in your fucking bed before moving on to the next?”

You felt so many emotions that took the blow from his words. You could feel your eyes start to sting as you drop your arms. “You’ve been fucking some girl or many to be exact so why the hell does it matter when one guy caught my attention, huh?” This seemed to set Haechan off more than you’ve ever seen. His cheeks were a slight shade of pink from both his anger and the bite of winter winds. “You’re in love with me y/n, we all see it and yet you go fucking around with other guys so you might as well not feelings for me!” You couldn’t tell if the city around you went silent or were his words just that loud, but you could hear your heart shatter inside your chest.

Haechan didn’t seem to register his words until he looked up at your broken expression. The tears that were now flowing freely down your cheeks stained your skin as you let go of your clenched fists. “So you knew..and you didn’t say anything?” You couldn’t bear to look him in the eye, feeling almost embarrassed at how easily you had been strung along. “Y/n, I didn’t mean it like-“ “You knew how I felt about you and instead of rejecting me you played around with girls in front of me?” You didn’t notice how close he was getting to you till he was within arms reach, so you stepped back. “Please let me explain, I’ll-“ You couldn’t be here any longer, you didn’t want to see him nor did you want anyone to see you like this.

“Fuck you donghyuck.”

IV. WHEN YOU’RE GONE

You inevitably spent weeks dodging Haechan at all costs. Since the night at the party where you two had a major falling out, you’ve spent your days in class and headed right back to your dorm if the coast was clear. If it wasn’t your roommate, it was one of your friends who kept an eye out for Haechan lingering around your door. From what they were trying to tell you, he sounded pretty desperate to see you, but you just weren’t ready yet. You stayed huddled up away from your usual spots where you know he could find you and slip away whenever you could.

Your pillow had become your best friend when you couldn’t stop yourself from crying each time your mind wandered back to that night. Chaewon did her best to comfort you and even laid with you on some nights till you fell asleep, but nothing she did could fill the void in your heart that had been caused by Lee Haechan himself. You were so hurt, so many questions that you had for him and you’d be damned if he didn’t answer them. More than that, you were confused as to why he did what he did with the information he had. He could’ve told you he wasn’t interested, he could’ve causally kept you in the friend zone instead of giving you the slightest bit of hope.

You were starting to get a headache as you sat on your bed, scrolling through videos on your phone. When the caller ID came down, you saw that Heeseung was calling you so you picked up. “I’m glad to see you’re still alive”. He says, laughing a little to lighten the mood. You let out a soft sigh, fiddling with the blanket between your fingers. “If that’s what this is called then consider me living like Larry.” When the line went silent, you could practically feel the disappointment through the phone. “Didn’t like that one?” You said, laughing as Heeseung let out a heavy sigh. “That was so bad, so so bad y/n.”

“Hyuck would’ve gotten it.” You mumbled, hoping he didn’t hear you as the tears you thought would have dried up start to reappear. “He misses you.” All of a sudden, you couldn’t think. The thought of him missing you wasn’t hard to imagine, but it made your heart ache so much more when you let yourself feel bad for creating such distance between you two. “He comes to I guess his friend’s room just down from mine and from what I’ve seen, he looks rough.” The two of you went silent once again, only untold thoughts filling in the gaps of the conversation. Heeseung takes a deep breath, about to say something when you hear a knock at your door.

“Coming!” You yell out, getting out of bed while wiping your face with your sleeve. “Are you expecting someone?” Heeseung asks through the phone, strumming on his guitar. “I ordered takeout earlier.” He only hums, bidding farewell as you throw your phone onto the bed and go to open the door. As you open the door, you don't know how exactly to react when you see Haechan standing in front of you holding what you assume is your takeout. “I paid him extra to let me be the one to deliver it, he kinda looked at me like I was insane, but he got a good tip.” He said, trying to get any form of a smile out of you.

You stare at him, nodding slowly as you take in his appearance. He looked a little thinner, the bags under his eyes slightly darker and his hair not as shiny as you remember it. Instinctively, you want to reach out and touch his cheek, but you hold back and try to figure out what to say from here. “Can I come in?” He says, fidgeting with the plastic bags in his hand. You can’t pinpoint what washed over you for you to step aside and let him in, but you’d have to face him eventually so opting for it now isn’t that bad of an idea. He looks around the room as if he’s never been inside, trying to find little things that he might’ve missed. To him, nothing changed. Your pictures of your friends are still up on the wall, your desktop is still oddly as neat as ever and the picture you two took on his family vacation is still in its frame next to your bed.

“What are you doing here?” The lump in your throat was keeping you from speaking any louder than a not so soft whisper. When he finally turned back to you, he could see how his much presence had affected you. “I needed to talk to you, I can’t keep going on like this without seeing you y/n.” You didn’t wanna be a fool, hesitant to accept the truth lying behind his words. Instead, you cross your arms and press for more out of him. “So then talk, but if you’re gonna waste my time then you might as well go now.” He sets the bag on your desktop, running his free hand through his hair as he gathers his thoughts.

With a deep, shaky breath, he meets your eyes and in that moment he felt like the world around him was falling apart. “I want to start off by saying how sorry I am for being the biggest asshole in the world. I never meant to hurt you or make you feel like I was stringing you along because I couldn’t get it shit together and figure out my feelings for you.” You try to keep it together, wiping away the tears that threaten to fall down your cheeks as he continues. “I love you y/n, you’re my best friend in this entire world and I can’t- I can’t stand not being next to you anymore.” His voice sounded strained, as if he couldn’t get the words out.

“I was scared to admit that I had the same feelings you had for me and I know that sounds like a fucked up excuse, but I mean it when I say I love you. Jealousy took over the worst part of me and when I saw you with any guy, I felt like you’d fall for them and leave me.” You could tell he was crying, his hands were constantly wiping away his tears and brushing them on his cheeks. Your heart was broken, you never imagined that you’d be having this conversation with Haechan, let alone watching him cry and be so emotional with you. He walked toward you, trying to control his emotions while taking your hands into his.

“I don’t wanna know what it’s like when you’re not here, when you’re gone it’s like I’ve lost a part of me I’ll never get back and I know I don’t deserve any of it, but if you can forgive me, I promise I’ll make it up to you.” You were a little taken aback by his sudden confession and the overall moment. You wanted to believe him and take him into your arms as if nothing had happened, but you were still very much hurt and cautious for your fragile heart. When he felt your arms wrap around him, he blinks away the tears. “Promise me that you’ll never do some dumb shit like that again and maybe we’ll talk about this being more.”

Hearing his soft laugh made your heart swell. You couldn’t tell if you had done something right in your past life or if you were just this lucky to have him with you, but you were hoping nothing would change. “I promise as long as you promise to never let me go.” You lift your head, bringing one hand to his cheek. “I promise, you better be lucky I love you.” He smiles, leaning into your touch while closing in on the space between you two. “I am extremely lucky to be loved by you and to only love you.”

©️liliansun., 2022

[urlocalnonbinarybastardwrites]

ON THE CONTRARY OF THAT ONE ASK—

Comically tall m!soc with the gang?? M!soc is one of the only nice socs and is pretty polite (bro was raised in a hella dysfunctional family but they had manners)

lowkey a pussy. Cannot fight for the life of him and has chronic back issues from how often he slouches to make himself less intimidating. He actually rlly likes poetry too, and tries to bond with pony over it (he fails. Miserably)

Honestly a beanpole. Mans is all height, no width. Roughly 6’4 if you want a proper visual

LMAO I LOVE THIS YAS ANONthis is gonna be hilarious (why is this loser my type)

Tall Wimpy M!Soc x The Gang + Shepard Boys

Ponyboy Curtis

-I don’t feel like he’s really decided how he feels about you

-Like he appreciates you trying to bond with him

-but he cringes when he looks back on that memory

-he does think it’s kind of funny that you’re so scary but you’re an absolute wimp

-Teases you about whenever you ran away, screaming from a rumble

-I feel like the gang would’ve kind of picked on him at first, but then kind of grown to like him because of how polite he is

Johnny Cade

-man, you’re so not tough

-he thinks it’s nice that you’re so polite

-you’re kind of the gang‘s pet in like a different way than him

-The gang knows that Johnny can hold his own if needed

-You legitimately need protection from like almost everything

-I think you are kind of funny together because Johnny is more small but better than you and you look tougher but you’re not

Sodapop Curtis

-he’s also generally polite

-And admires the fact you’re a Soc

-And not stuck up

-sure maybe you’re a bit wimpy and can’t fight for shit

-but hey, at least you’re baseline polite

-he would use you as a human body shield in a rumble though

Darry Curtis

-I honestly don’t think he can stand you

-I don’t know why I just think that he doesn’t.

-He just can’t stand people like you.

-he doesn’t understand how someone of your size could possibly not fight to their advantage

-because when you’re a greaser you take every little bit and scrap that can be used to your advantage

-so we can’t comprehend how you aren’t doing that

-Then again, he didn’t grow up as privileged as you

Dallas Winston

-he just thinks your existence is hilarious

-Probably just laughs at you💀

-Picks on you the hardest side of the gang

Two Bit Mathews

-“Hey, how’s the weather up there big guy?”

-“Can you kiss the moon for me?”

-“ Yeah, you could climb Mount Everest in two steps”

-“ Did ya have fun chasing Jack down the beanstalk?”

-and as soon as he finds out how much of a wimp you are

-you know he’s making fun of that too

-“Careful, don’t punch him. He’ll fall over like a pencil”

-“ Careful running sweetheart the stick that keeps you standing straight might fall outta your ass.”

-he never lets you live it down whenever you run away from a rumble screaming

Steve Randle

-like Darry I feel like he’s also a little bit annoyed at you

-Doesn’t really understand you

-but also like sodapop he’s definitely using you as a human body shield

-he’s kind of coldly neutral around you

Tim Shepard

-pretty similar to Dallas

-He doesn’t really care that much about you

-but if you guys grow to become friends, he would protect you

Curly Shepard

-based on how he kind of likes picking on anyone who is below him to make himself feel bigger in canon

-I’m guessing he’s probably beat you up before and you two aren’t on talking terms

-Gets really mad when you’ve managed to outrun him

[peachesofteal]

bro.... dead disco.... sorry this is like. really long lmao. I actually cut it down! It was 3 pages in google docs originally lmfao. you’ve broken me

i cried. i had my sad playlist on already and 'jacob and the stone' was playing..... BAWLING!!! go listen to it and then imagine reading when she and simon were just sitting, quietly holding eachother, knowing it was gonna be for the last time, while listening to THAT 😭😭😭

you did such a magnificent job with this chapter. no better way to end it. sorry 2 the haters but im gonna go out and say that this WAS a happy ending! Bittersweet of course, but it was the best ending we could have hoped for darling to get. yea, they didn't end up together but thats NOT the 'bad' ending! I think it would’ve been the ‘bad’ ending if she didn’t leave, and never gave herself the opportunity to grow as a person and flourish under her own making, and either left later with many more years invested or just perpetually stayed in this cycle. leaving is so hard and it takes a tremendous amount of strength, yall. like.... she did it 🥹 she's gonna get better, even if it has to be without her boys at her side

thinking back to their entire dynamic, darling was only happy and healthy when they were there with her. it never gave her a fighting chance. she DID benefit from being with them, knowing such sweet boys and experiencing being loved so deeply, but i do feel like she outgrew the relationship in a way. 

she's kinda like a tomato plant. it can't properly grow without scaffolding, but its back in the dirt when you yank it off the stakes. it can never flourish. The boys got tomato-darling out of the dirt for a bit, but she needed new scaffolding that wasn't dependent on things (or people) that wouldn't always be there. to keep growing, the structure had to be built herself. it gives her a new level of control and confidence and pride i think, not having to rely on outside help, knowing you have the means to take care of your own base needs (not that support is bad! but it was dependence)

for what its worth too, i think the secrets they kept (the marriage thing, the one night stand that was actually 2 nights, the 'secret' conversations they had with just a glance that she was never entirely privy to) were also something that perpetually kept her 'othered' in  the relationship, and thats REALLY hard to overcome. i dont think the boys quite had the awareness they thought they had to give this relationship a fair shot, since they didn't seem to see from her perspective why that would be so difficult for a partner until the end (even then, i think johnny still lacked the insight that this is how she felt every single time they left for deployments)

i think its a good thing that they ALMOST made it, too. they were a week away from the month of no-contact. if they'd only made it a week in, then you could chalk it up to not trying hard enough, but if they were so close and johnny STILL couldn't hold back for just a few more days, thats a codependency for sure, and if they had just eked out the last few days, then maybe they would’ve tried to go right back to the status quo and Darling would still be stuck in the rut

simon's one last act of service to make her dinner broke my heart. he's so willing, even in the worst of circumstances, to do what he can for her because he loves her so much, and he damn well knows its the end of it for the three of them. he loved her so so desperately :(

“A man who knows what's coming. Who's always been able to see inside you, and yet, still makes you dinner. Still cares for you in the way he knows how. “ like set my heart on fire too while ur ripping it out of me, man 💀

I think simon’s last words when they were talking at the kitchen table really perfectly sum things up. They finally understood the pain of separation, the dependency, and see how much turmoil it caused Darling, and how unfair it was. Even if she was asking them to be selfish, it WAS selfish to stay

“The guillotine waits in the wings, a final chorus cut off by a symphony.” i just really liked this line. They both know its still coming, but they want to delay it just a little bit longer

When she ran down the hall, and he indulged in one last kiss but forced himself to put the distance back between them and leave…. damn…….

The next morning, when she went to the apartment, I think it was smart of darling too, to notice that she shouldn’t feel complete only when she has her partners there together at that moment. They should add to, not make up a life. 

“It’s beginning to become overwhelming, and in the throes of your building panic, you glance wildly at Simon. He stares back. Nods.” Heartwrenching that at the end, darling and simon communicate through a glance while Johnny is left out of the exchange. It hurt so much seeing that Johnny didn’t quite get it like they did. He was still bargaining, thinking his messup was the cause of everything, and not seeing the big picture. sweet boy :(((( i do hope he doesn’t resent simon or darling in the grief of it, blaming them for not trying as hard as he was, desperately begging to stay together at the end

AND SIMON SAYING HE WAS PROUD OF HER!!!! RAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

“You, who is stepping forward without darling.” its sad to think that this nickname almost became a burden to bear. She’s no longer their darling, now she’s just… her ❤️

In hindsight, i think i always knew it was going to end like this. The first oneshot (before it became a bigger full fic) ended with her leaving, and i think i was so attached to them working through it because i didn’t know how much healthier of a dynamic they could have, and thought these guys were it. But having read the dynamic you’ve written in simple math, its apparent how much more in tune with things they can be (moral greyness asides lmfao) johnny in particular is so tuned into bunny and simon, and here he still doesn’t quite get it. SM simon takes control with seemingly a lot more experience and instead has the fight of getting bunny to relinquish the control, sure, but its in a way that it feels temporary. DD simon went about it in a way that never got darling to a place where she could take care of herself BY herself, forcing her to be dependent to keep up the same standards. I think at some point you said that SM and DD aren't the same universe, but SM is basically the more experienced, reliable, mature version of DD, and after hearing that I’ve had very open eyes to it lol. I love them both, but its ok for them to have room to grow

i have more thoughts but theyre still scrambled into incoherent yelling and tears so i will spare u those lmfao

idk where the epilogue will go, but i have a feeling they’ll all be better for it, and could be maybe friends someday

as someone who has thought of themselves at times as difficult to love due to struggles i can't necessarily control, this story gave me a lot of hope that i COULD find someone who could love me not just despite my problems, but love me WITH my problems. i think thats an extremely special story to have, so again, thank you for writing this ❤️

I agree this was really long but I loved every sentence and have always loved your analysis of stories and characters. I agree this was the happy ending and I'm sure the epilogue will provide some closure (with lingering questions though). Your tomato plant analogy is perfect, and I think/know Darling will grow and flourish on her own.

The nuances of the chapter, Simon cooking her one last meal, taking care of her one last time, I think those were final things that made her really believe and realize she had to step out on her own, because you're right, they were all too codependent and Simon thrived taking care of Darling, but at what cost?

Anyway thank you always, it's been such a joy to share this story with you and hear your thoughts. I always look forward to them.

[dysthanasia-series]

Apophenia Ch. 2

<< Chapter 1 | Chapter 3 >>

Patreon | Ao3

Words: 1,433

Summary: Often, the things we fear most don't happen. Often, but not always.

Content Advisory: Sexual situations and discussion (kissing, innuendo, touching), violence, choking/strangulation, threat of death/harm, mentions of traumatic past events (death of family members, bodily injury, survivor's guilt), abduction, hints of suicidal ideation

Not only was it nice, roomy with soft leather upholstery, it also had windows tinted enough that any passersby would’ve had to press their face against the glass to see him straddling Renato’s lap in the backseat. Not as private as an actual room, but good enough to let him switch most of his inhibitions off.

“Do you mind marks?” The question, breathed against the crook of his neck, set off a shiver.

“No.” His overheated brain cells sparked. “Well, yes. I mean…I don’t, but I, um. Have an important meeting coming up, so maybe keep them below the collar?”

“Gladly.” Renato immediately undid the necessary shirt buttons, single-handedly continuing down the line without fumbling. Practice had apparently made perfect.

Isaac’s attempts to return the favor were hampered by a series of nibbles along his shoulder. He got the job done, though, his reward a swath of chest and stomach tight with muscle as advertised. Isaac traced one of the neat, thin scars curved beneath a pectoral, then its twin on the other side.

“Enjoying the view?” Renato leaned back to give him some more of it.

“Well, I’m technically a tourist, right? It’s important to see the sights. Take in the culture.”

Fingertips skimmed over the ripples of his ribcage and slid down his waist, coming to rest just above his hips. “And what other ways do you like taking it in, Isaac?”

“One thing at a time. I don’t like rushing.”

“Would you follow my lead if I played the guide?”

“Maybe—if I like what you’re showing me.”

A laugh and then firm hands slipped around to cup his ass, pushing his hips closer, forcing his knees wider apart. “Ah, is that how it is?”

He reminded himself to breathe evenly, slowly. “Unless you’re going to convince me otherwise.”

One of the hands wandered up to bury itself in the curls at the back of Isaac’s head. A tug got him to tilt and expose a long, clean line of neck. Smirking, Renato leaned in and made an extremely persuasive argument with lips, tongue, and just a hint of teeth on the skin there. Reserves of dignity running into the red, Isaac squirmed. It wasn’t enough to break free, even if he’d wanted to. There was an amused hum against his throat, and the hand still on his rear left to creep under his shirt. Fingertips found the network of scars crisscrossing Isaac’s back. They followed the trails of decade-old agony upwards, skimming over growing knots of tension in the muscles beneath.

Renato pulled away, eyes half-lidded. “It looks like I got carried away and left a mark after all, lindo. Forgive me?”

The resulting rush of relief at not being questioned about the scars made Isaac’s head swim. Not only did he absolve Renato, he cupped his cheeks before bringing their mouths crashing together.

Stinging, searing pain pierced his bottom lip. Isaac jerked back with a gasp, eyes watering. Dabbing the spot, his index finger came away smeared with something dark. Blood, shining black in the sheltered gloom of the car. He must’ve cut himself on a tooth while attacking Renato’s face.

Glancing up, he understood why.

His mouth partway open in a pant, Renato had revealed a pair of fangs. He stared at the seeping cut with pupils blown so wide only a thin ring of blue-green iris remained around them.

“Shit! Bloodborn.” Isaac blurted. So far out on the coast? He’d been under the impression they mostly stuck to cities in the Central States where they had a steady food supply. Then again, what did he know beyond Coven basic training? He’d never met a vampire face-to-face.

The word induced a complete transformation. Renato’s brows leapt up, his lips parting further in shock, even horror, judging from the way he recoiled. Isaac inhaled, about to reassure him maybe, definitely to make some inquiries, but a hand wrapped around his throat, cutting off his voice and air.

“Cast a spell and I’ll kill you.” Renato sounded out of breath himself.

Isaac tried to explain that he neither knew any type of witchcraft nor had he been born a sorcerer. The weak croak that came out didn’t quite cover it.

“Listen very closely. Either nod or shake your head to answer. Understand?”

He nodded to the best of his ability.

“Are there others here with you?”

Regret struck immediately after his head shake. Should he admit to being on his own? He couldn’t weigh the consequences—his mind was already curling up and crumbling around the edges from lack of oxygen.

Fangs snapped a hair’s breadth from his face. “Don’t lie to me.”

Isaac added whimpering denials to the head shaking. The world around him blurred and spun. Maybe he’d get lucky. Maybe he’d pass out before he was killed.

“Don’t scream. Scream and I’ll crush your windpipe.”

The pressure around his neck went from strangling to merely stifling. He sucked in whistling breaths as quickly as possible. Hyperventilation became the new reason for the white fog creeping over his vision.

“What were your orders? To distract? Delay?”

“Werew—”

Renato’s fingers constricted again. “I’m the one asking questions.”

It took another round of head waggling and tugging futilely on his shirt sleeves to get him to relent.

“Werewolfs,” Isaac gasped as soon as he was able. Not correct, and not even the type of animal he was there to see, but it was the first word his brain coughed up.

More white showed around Renato’s dilated eyes, turning them uncanny, doll-like. His hand slipped up Isaac’s shirt once more, probing the scars etched into his back.

“Son of a bitch,” he spat, retracting his touch, “you’re one of Mayer’s!”

“Who—”

A squeeze cut him off. “Of course. Why not? Because this job wasn’t miserable enough without adding wet dog to the list.” Renato scowled, his pupils shrinking a fraction. “Here’s what’s going to happen, my clever friend. You’re going to get out of my car—slowly. You try to run, you die. You signal to someone, you die. You attract any sort of attention, you and the witnesses die. I’m not in the mood to get rid of corpses, so it’s in both of our interests that you cooperate. Agreed?”

Not at all, but no viable ways to protest came to mind. Careful not to make sudden moves, he crawled out of Renato’s—the bloodborn’s lap. His hand went toward his tab, carelessly tossed onto the seat, but a disapproving hiss made him freeze.

“Leave it. Go.”

Isaac wound up standing beside the car, shivering and clutching the sides of his shirt closed, until the bloodborn joined him.

“Around to the back.”

Ice water flooded his veins when the trunk yawned open and he saw the contents. A rifle—the kind that came in matte black and could mow down an entire herd of deer. An accompanying metal ammo box. Two small bottles of lighter fluid, zip ties, a cannister of salt. Not tools usually associated with marine biology.

Renato picked up the ties. His eyes had returned to normal, but didn’t hold anything Isaac would’ve called human anymore. “Hands behind you.”

Coven field guides recommended resisting when it came to bloodborn. Fleeing, fighting, screaming, anything but being taken to a more private location. None of those actions had spared him or his family ten years ago, of course. The nightmare amalgamation of pale man and white wolf that had stalked into their campsite just couldn’t have been stopped by ordinary means. Once the ragged claw wounds had become scars and the weight of survivor’s guilt on his back, Isaac had come to understand that. He also knew the same applied in the present situation, with one exception.

His gaze turned toward the little rest stop diner. The silhouettes of people through its softly illuminated windows. People who had friends, families, a place in their community. A cursed werecreature would’ve torn through them indiscriminately. This monster with a human face tapping his foot impatiently was willing to settle for just Isaac.

He brought his numb, trembling hands around behind him. Winced as the zip ties were drawn tight. The bloodborn helped steady him as he crawled into the trunk.

Isaac didn’t bother to thank him. Just curled up, pulling his feet away from the rifle, and said, “You’re not going to get away with this.” It sounded weak, even to him.

Eyes glinted night-vision green above him. “My performance reviews say otherwise.”

The lid came down and sealed Isaac into the darkness of his lightly upholstered tomb.

Dysthanasia Taglist: @thecyrulik @thatndginger @space-writes @sunset-a-story @scoundrelwithboba

@extrabitterbrain @ashirisu

[elidelochans]

One thing that makes me laugh is when people have said that in Azriel’s bonus chapter, the part with Elain, made them uncomfortable, e/riel’s will say we can’t handle kink or what should we expect of a 500 year old man. Azriel’s bonus chapter wasn’t even kinky. Silver Flames wasn’t kinky either. If anything, Manon & Dorian’s sex scenes in Empire of Storms and Kingdom of Ash were more kinky than Silver Flames and that bonus chapter. What made people uncomfortable was the lack of depth and romance. Azriel’s self shame and how he kept talking about Elain felt like some purity kind of thing, if that makes sense, was weird. (I don’t know how to explain it in words but it makes sense in my head). Azriel is supposedly in love with Elain, but if you take away the sexual attraction/lust we got nothing. Nothing about if he had actual romantic feelings for Elain, about her as a person, what he knows about her other than she likes to bake and garden and she’s beautiful.

E/riel’s say they’re close friends and have a deep connection, but we didn’t get anything about that. Not if they had deep/meaningful conversations or spent a lot of time together. It’s in literal text that it had never gone anywhere beyond glances and brushes of their fingers. If Elain was trying to be a spy (like e/riel’s love to claim) we would have also gotten something about that. And the necklace was a generic gift. It was superficial. If it wasn’t, he wouldn’t have given it away. The necklace wasn’t anything deep.

“Azriel and Elain want each other,” all I got was Azriel wanted her out of lust and jealousy and we don’t know if Elain wanted him out of lust/as a rebound for Graysen or if she actually has romantic feelings for him. We didn’t get her pov so we don’t know. Azriel didn’t stand up to Rhys or say that he’s starting to develop romantic attraction to her. If he told Rhys that (or alluded to having genuine feelings), I’m sure his brother would’ve been more understanding. There were some people who actually shipped e/riel, but after reading the bonus chapter got completely turned off from it. I think that’s saying something. Sorry for the long ask and rant.

putting my response under the keep reading cause it's long

I agree with your points. Yeah acosf, it wasn't kinky i don't believe it was ever intended to be it's just more adult and more sexually forward then the rest of acotar. There's dirty talk but that's not really kinky. Manon and Dorian's scenes in EOS/KOA you know they were up to kinky shit cause the text leads into it. Yeah it's not going to be as detailed as acosf because the entirety of tog is young adult. If it was adult we'd all need cold showers after every Manorian sex scene lmao.

Azriel was never in love with Elain. Never. It's never stated that he even has a slight romantic thought towards her. He literally just wants to fuck her thats it. End of story. Rhys even asks him this in Az's bonus chapter and Azriel hadn't thought beyond that night nor the political implications or anything. He just wants sex. Mind blowing concept but romance and sex are not mutually exclusive. You can fuck someone without being in love or without any romantic feelings whatsoever. Nesta slept with many Illyrians didn't mean she was in love with them. Helion has like nightly orgies doesn't mean he wants to date them. Sex is sex. It's not that deep.

From the context of EVERY acotar book, it seems to be that Az and Elain are just acquaintances, they're not that close. He, like the rest of the IC see the surface of Elain and nothing more. I hate that necklace for so many reasons let me tell you nonnie. First, the meaning behind a frozen flower. It's stuck in time just like that. Never growing, never learning. Which is literally what Elain is doing. Him giving her that necklace says to me that he's okay with her being like this. Never growing and finding herself the way Feyre did and Nesta was in the process of. I also hate it cause of the regifting. Sir, my guy, why are we doing this? You're suppose to be the male who doesn't need to resort to poetry and shit yet you're regifting a necklace? okay.

Azriel doesn't stand up to Rhys because he knows he's right. Risking so much, wanting to kill Lucien and leave Elain feeling like a part of her is missing til the end of her days. And for what? to get his dick wet? His view point when it comes to Elain is selfish. Regardless of how she feels towards him. Like you pointed out we have zero clues if Elain just wants sex or if she's crushing and possibly wanting a romance. If it was the later I feel so bad for her she deserves better than some male who doesn't want the same.

If Elain and Azriel were to be romantic in the books everything would be different. His bonus chapter he would've said something about his feelings, their friendship and flirting would be on page for the reader to see this. But it's not. Sorry not sorry. E/riel is a fanon ship and it will always be a fanon ship. That's not a bad thing. There's a lot of amazing fanon ships out there. For some reason alot of, not all, but aloot of E/riels seem to think their ship being fanon is a bad thing.

It's wild because no one is telling them they can't ship it. Just that it's not a canon endgame. Before acosf and the infamous Az chapter I thought, in a fanon sense, the pairing would be cute. I never thought they'd be canon. Not once. But since that bonus chapter it just gave me the ick so bad that I had to leave the ship behind.

Don't apologize for the rant! Please rant away!

[millenari]

2 for wip ask game? Time travel is a crazy concept

Number 2, the timetraveling 7kittens au! This one is inspired by the 'pulled seven kittens out of a hat' line from Misto's song that people often hc to mean that Misto is trans and has given birth to kittens before. This au is an offshoot of Gold Rush, in which only a few elements are changed (most notably that Misto is trans). The story starts when, one night on the junkyard (perhaps only a year or two prior to the events of the show) a group of seven kittens come trotting into the junkyard, claiming to be Tugger and Misto's litter from the future. The kittens have no idea how they got stuck in the past (and had no idea they'd even moved through time at first) so Misto and the others are stuck taking care of the little guys while all the resident magical cats try to put their heads together and figure out how the litter got there, and why. I don't want to call this story 'dark' but it could be severely triggering for some people, because it has a lot to do with Misto struggling with dysphoria due to his heats and the idea of becoming pregnant in the future. The concepts of choice and fate and destiny and such are tossed around a lot, and Misto spends a lot of time struggling with the feeling of having no control of his body. He has to wrestle with these feelings all the while he grows fonder and fonder of the kittens he'd initially resented, and also has to re-evaluate his relationship to Tugger along the way. And if all of that wasn't complicated enough, one kitten of the litter in particular, Victor, is a little too much like Misto for his own good. Or at least, Misto thinks so. Another way too long summary. Anyways, snippet:

Misto waves his paws a little, incredulous. “Don’t you want to know if you actually make your own choices?”

“No. Because I know I do.” Reaching over, Tugger rips a small chunk off of Misto’s fish, and then proceeds to chuck it across the clearing. He’s lucky it’s empty right now, or he would’ve probably hit someone.

“Tugger!” Misto barks, taken aback.

“See? I just chose to do that. I know that for a fact.”

“And if every existing— existing universal iteration of you did that exact same thing at this exact same time? Is it still you choosing?”

“Yes. You know how I know?”

“How?” Misto sighs.

“Because I chose to. Just now.” When Misto groans again and leans back against the crate behind him, Tugger smugly adds, “Put that one in your diary.”

“Do you really not care about any of this?”

“What? Destiny? No. A bunch of shit happens and then we get reborn into a new life. And then a bunch of shit happens again. Repeat for eternity. We’re cats, Misto, how much does any of this matter?”

“Because I want to know where I’m headed!” Misto exclaims up at the stars, gesturing at his chest. “I want to know if there’s any point in fighting against— my destiny, or my future, or whatever.”

“You don’t need to ‘fight’ your destiny at all, Misto.”

“That’s easy for you to say!” Misto exclaims, sitting up to look over at Tugger. “You were born in the right body! All I fucking do is try to work against what the universe hands me, and if there’s a possibility that there’s no point in it and I have no say—”

“Then what?” Tugger asks wryly. “You’ll just stop?”

Misto pauses. He scratches his nose before admitting, “Well. No.”

“There you go. Just do your thing, Misto.” He leans back against the crates, folding his arms behind his head. “Who cares about destiny and shit.”

[medusanova]

Sambea + accidental hand-hold in public

She had no clue when he entered her orbit. All her life she’d minded her own path, stuck to her goals, kept her distance. And all of a sudden, he was there with his own gravitational pull, hauling her close. Eclipsing the darkness that had always surrounded her like a burning star. Like the fucking sun.

How dare he, honestly.

The worst part was she couldn’t even blame him for the series of events that had lead to this. No, she only had herself and her damn curiosity — and maybe her secret longing — to thank for this ridiculous farce of an evening.

“So,” intoned the starchy woman, pursing her lips. Like seeing someone like Beatrix and someone like Harvey at one table was wrong. Distasteful. “How is it you two, er, got together?”

She’d been so damn close to finding them. To finding the answers she wanted. To finding the family she deserved. And just as hope started to peak and her spirits started to lift up, the universe had to make sure poor little Beatrix was kicked down once more.

When she’d first received the letter from the Academy that one Isobel Daniels and D’arcy Daniels attended, she’d been ecstatic. It was only when she opened the letter and read phrases like ‘each of our young ladies and gentleman come to our school from the most esteemed families in the Otherworld’ and ‘we cultivate the brightest of minds, kindest of dispositions, and bravest of souls’ that she’d known waltzing in and meeting them would be to good to be true.

As far as Beatrix was concerned, each word in that letter was a brick laid into the growing wall between Beatrix and meeting Isobel and D’arcy. Her only family. And if she’d been anyone else or remotely capable of expressing a feeling, she would’ve admitted how crushed she felt. How dejected and hopeless.

It was only when she saw the disgusting sight of Sky walking hand-in-hand with Bloom that she started to formulate an idea. An idea that could elevate her look, her reputation, and her bloody disposition all in one fell swoop. A buffer for her sharp edges, a teacher to educate her in the elusive art of being pleasant…

A teacher’s son.

Harvey had been perfect. Practically oozing kindness from his pores and constantly shimmering with charisma. The golden boy, the botany nerd, the charming fairy. And the perfect way for Beatrix to get an in. To mold herself into the perfect long, lost sister in a steady relationship and plead her case with the Headmistress of the school.

It had taken her three failed attempts at blackmail, two rebuffed attempts at bribery, and a full week of cajoling for him to finally agree to help.

“Fine. One night. And you’ll owe me.”

“Not looking for any new fuck buddies, thanks Harvey.”

“Christ. Not a sexual favor. I meant a helpful favor. As a friend. Wait. Sorry, you don’t have those. Forgot I was talking to the princess of darkness.”

Only problem was, Beatrix severely underestimated just how charismatic Harvey could be. Or maybe she overestimated how much his personality could soften hers. Because this stick-up-her-arse lady did not seem to be eating out of the palm of Beatrix’s hand. No, she seemed perfectly content to ignore Bea in favor of any scrap of attention from golden boy blinding the restaurant with his sweet, sunshine-laden smiles.

“It’s a long story actually,” he chuckled, leg fidgeting under the table, bumping into Beatrix’s. Every fourth shake, she’d counted.

She barely heard the rest of the story he made up, all she could hear was the echoing chasm of disappointment and anger at yet another obstacle thrown in her path. Another person who hated her. When would something finally go her way? When would Beatrix get to be the one who was looked upon with fondness and amicability? When would-

“Isn’t that right? Beatrix?” His leg brushed against hers again, this time more forceful, more deliberate than all the others.

“Uh, yes. Absolutely, Ha- Sam,” she corrected herself.

In all honesty, she hadn’t heard a word he’d said, too lost in her miserable musings and another failed scheme to keep up with the farce.

But when she looked up, it was to find an expectant and open look on the headmistress’ face… directed at her. At Bea. And suddenly Beatrix lost every rehearsed line, every practice conversation they’d had before they’d come here tonight.

Fuck, she thought. She had to respond with something. She wouldn’t let this opportunity slip through her grasp. Not again.

Desperate for something to buy her time, she reached for the stem of the water glass next to her, intending to take a long, fortifying sip, until she encountered a warm hand blocking her way. She was about to pull hers back instinctively when Harvey twisted his hand and held hers in his grasp.

So shocked and appalled — mostly at the fact that she could feel her cheeks heating up — she couldn’t help but dart her eyes to his, wondering if he’d lost his damn mind. He seemed to be quite sane though, giving her hand a small squeeze.

Encouragement, Beatrix realized. He was cheering her on.

Then, inexplicably, came that small quirk of the lips that had made every person in the room that evening fawn and soften.

For some reason though, this one seemed.. different. A little deeper, more real. Like all the other smiles were for everyone else, while this smile was for her.

And somehow, for reasons Beatrix would never care to explain, it was the spark she needed to turn to the Headmistress and flatter her way into a visit to the Academy.

[purplesurveys]

1667

What happened last night? Worked like the corporate slave that I am until midnight. Also took a handful of soju shots while doing so so that I can at least have fun, lol.

Who is the last boy you hugged? He’s either on his way home or hanging out with Angela.

What was the last thing you thought? How I should refrain from messaging someone for something work-related right now because it’s not gonna make a difference anyway and because I don’t want to be a trouble for them at this hour.

What are you thinking about right now? Apart from that ^ my mind’s really just been all about Yoongi and his tour all day. I livestreamed the first show this morning and it was so SICK I can’t believe I’m seeing him too.

Would you have sex with the last person you sent a message to? No.

Would you consider yourself spoiled? When we were growing up I think I did get a bit more material stuff than my siblings but not to the point of calling myself spoiled. My parents would’ve been the first to kick the absolute piss out of my ass if I was starting to show characteristics of being spoiled, anyway. Asian things.

What was the last text you sent? It was a media person that I had a bit of a back and forth with cos we sent her a PR kit yesterday and she said she didn’t receive anything, so we were trying to track who could’ve possibly received it.

Do you break things when you are mad? No...anger passes, broken things don’t fix themselves. It’s never worth it.

Whose hoodie did you last wear besides your own? My sister’s.

Did something happen today that made you angry? I don’t think I was in a bad mood at work today actually! I was 100% on a Yoongi high lmao, I spent two hours in the morning not working but stuck to my phone livestreaming his concert and that really helped me be in good spirits.

What did you do today? Watched Yoongi’s concert, worked worked worked, ate, played with the dogs for a bit.

What did you do Friday night? Had my birthday - I hosted an intimate dinner with closest friends then we all watched Road To D-Day together when it premiered on Disney+. Reena slept over as well.

Are you afraid of losing the last person you talked to? Yes.

Are you lying to yourself about something? Nope.

Is your bed comfortable? It’s fine but I can really invest in some quality pillows. Waking up with a strained neck is the norm for me now.

Does it take a lot to make you happy? Not at all. I smile at both the simplest and corniest things.

Your best friend says to you now, “lets go to a party and get trashed!”? I tell her she messaged just in time because my car is finally out of the coding timeslot LOL then ask where and also what’s her problem now (from the context that we usually pull each other out for a drink when we need to vent).

Who knows mainly all of your secrets? Whoever’s reading this and has been reading these.

Can you go a day without thinking about the person that’s on your mind now? Not thinking of anyone.

What were you doing at 1 in the morning? I was most probably either on Reddit or YouTube trying to get myself to fall asleep after working all evening.

If someone looked ON your bed, what would they find? Slightly disorganized pillows and an unfolded blanket.

Were you single over last summer? Yep.

Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes? Maybe once or twice but it’s not my strongest feature. My eyelashes though on the other hand get pointed out pretty frequently since they’re naturally long.

Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight? Nah. Definitely not.

How many different people of the opposite sex have you cried over? Just like, 3, and none of them in a romantic sense.

When you think of the rainbow, what pops in your head? Pride.

Is the person you last texted single? I have no idea.

Was last night terrible? Not terrible but I wish I got to enjoy my personal time, because I had worked on a couple of decks until midnight.

[theonlywayisinward]

For the first time in months I’m actually thinking of you. Not even sure why either. Perhaps because we almost had it all? In theory anyway. Although I guess maybe you would’ve had it all. I really don’t think the same could’ve been said for me. Not with you. I just think you felt right in so many ways, it temporarily blinded me. You at 36, me at 30. Building a life. Growing together. Looking next to me to see you right there with me every step of the way. In your arms I felt so safe, mornings waking up next to you, playing house, making dinner, doing everything together like a married couple. And that’s where we fucked up.

Because we skipped straight to the ending. We fell madly in love and acted like we were kindred souls eager to find each other this whole time. And it was magical. While it lasted.

But I couldn’t build a future with you, and I knew it from day one. The skeletons in our closet never gave their blessing. Still I gave it a shot anyway. And while you amazed me every single day, I just knew you weren’t the one. I knew I couldn’t make you the one. Because I’ve never felt that way about anyone before. Because I know just how it goes when you want to pretend otherwise. So I had to leave you.

It was very abrupt, I’ll have to give you that. And you didn’t see it coming. And neither did I. And I didn’t even attempt to soften the blow. And I’m not even sorry either.

I know shit happens, and in a couple months I won’t even remember our relationship. But, I don’t know. I guess it still feels very weird to have lived a whole ass life with you while we were together. One that I really loved, but also needed out of. What a complex mix of emotions.

And if we’re being honest, I know that I’m really downplaying the seriousness of it all because I don’t really want to waste time thinking about you, but I will acknowledge that we were so serious about each other, we really thought we would be endgame somehow. And it’s funny because there was no way in hell the universe would have let that happen to me. And that’s as much as I can elaborate. I don’t know how else to explain it. All I can say is I do miss you, and I do wish it would have been the real thing, but I’m also really glad I didn’t get stuck with you. And that’s all I’ve got.

[heythere-depression]

1/12/24

Okay 12 days in and I’ve realized I’m problematic as hell, I need to be alone for a while but I keep surrounding myself with guys, I hooked up with a guy on Tuesday, his name is Tyler and he’s a new dad who hasn’t had sex in a year and still lives with his baby’s mom because he didn’t want them to be homeless because her mom kicked her out and they’re broken up but he misses his family but also just needed release. I listened to him and suggested that he and his BM need to reconnect and to bring up reading an erotic book to help get her in the mood. I was completely upfront with him that I wasn’t in the headspace to be with anyone but I did want to see him again, he said he would but I hope they get back together.

First, I also needed it and I see a pattern which is that I date guys with awful life situations. Second, that’s not the craziest thing that’s happened to me this week.

I can’t believe I was vulnerable with Allen. I talked to him about how Marcy told me that he said he might marry Kat, and so I asked him and he said he might, he just wants to get divorced from Morgan, which is how he told me how they met, and how he married her in a panic for BAH but realized he didn’t need to do that because he had Marcy listed as a dependent. So now he’s trying to divorce her, and it turns out that she wasn’t all that great with Marcy, and when he asked if she would miss her she actually said no. He said that opened his eyes and honestly, good because she sucked and made shit way harder for us the first summer Marcy spent with him. Now he’s stuck giving her $600 a month until she signs the papers, and she’s been served so now he’s just waiting.

So I told him that I knew he got married because my lawyer found out and told me, I didn’t say it was because I caught him in a lie and kept it to myself. I told him how hard I took it and how crushed I felt, and he apologized for all of it, he was concerned with ending up at the barracks and not have a good place whenever he has Marcy. I told him I didn’t know that, because I didn’t. I assumed he was over me, and never talked to him about it.

He said he was really, really struggling when he got to Virginia without me and Marcy, and he just wanted us back. But he didn’t fight for me in the way I needed him to, and I have don’t think I would’ve forgiven him. I talked to Johnny about it, and frankly, he gave me a reality check of Allen eventually leaving me when Marcy grows up because he probably would’ve gotten tired of waiting for me to forgive him but wanted to stay in Marcy’s life. I wouldn’t have gone back to school, graduated and found my job that I’m finally getting better in.

So I told him that Marcy said that she she told him I miss him and he responded that I didn’t again, and he told me that when she brought it up, he didn’t say that that again, he just told her what we said we’d say before, that we miss each other as friends and that we love her very much.

Then I said that she wasn’t wrong, and I couldn’t get the words out that if he married Kat, he and I will never have a chance in the future, and he understood what I was trying to say and he said he’s happy now and wants me to find happiness too. I told him that I wasn’t trying to encroach on Kat’s territory or anything, and he said that she’s really secure in their relationship and so is he, and that he wants us to be friends again.

And that hurt so much. It felt like it really was the final nail in the coffin more than when we finalized the divorce. And that comment about how they feel secure in the relationship made me so mad because I was secure too until he cheated on me.

I know I wasn’t any better. But I didn’t keep up a facade for over a year. He called me things that I’ve internalized and still have anxiety about now, and it’s been hard to work through it.

Enter the many digital guys I’ve flirted with when my confidence was down. I even found a guy I used to hook up with in August before I met Levi, and this dude was cute, rich and knew exactly what he would be doing, had his own house and sex swing! I was psyched I found him because I ghosted him accidentally when I thought I didn’t save his number, but it turns out I couldn’t remember if I did save it or not because I couldn’t remember his name anyway and I was distracted with Levi at the time. He was happy to have bumped into me on a different app, and now I have his number saved.

His name is John lol he’s the exact opposite of Johnny, and I didn’t want to call him Johnny either. All I know is I’m definitely going to hook up with him again. So no I have to tell Tyler that I can’t hook up with him again because I don’t want to stop him from being with his family, which is true. Dude was wildly open with me and his brokenness and he should be trying with her, not fucking me.

Speaking of Johnny, prior to John, Tyler and Allen, I told him, that I still really liked him and I wanted to work things out with him but he needed to stay sober, and also needed to get himself together, and that I need to do the same. He was surprised I said that, and he told me that he wants a life with me, he wants me back and everything, but logistically, he need time to make it happen, time to get a better job, and his own place. He’s only four months into sobriety and he has no idea where he’ll be in the next year, but wants me in his life, so I told him that he can take as much time as he needs because I also need time to be ready for anyone.

It’s worth noting that I’m sexting a guy in California that I met on tumblr back when I felt lonely and ignored by Allen. He won’t tell me his real name, which I bet I could find out but I don’t really care, he just told me it starts with a B. He’s great, was psyched when we found each other again and we send each other things a LOT. So that’s four guys I’ve had some kind of relationship with come right after I told Johnny that I missed them.

I think I’m a sex addict.

[avenging-fandoms]

OMG! Friends to lovers with “ If I don't kiss you right now I might die” with Rafe please love 💕 💕

friends to lovers with ''if i don't kiss you right now i might die'' vibes

- project buddy, college!rafe (fluff)

OUTER BANKS MASTERLIST

*college!rafe is so much more different than the rafe we actually see. enjoy very soft rafe!!<3 -- "what do i wear to a study session with my partner, but also say that this might be a date on his boat?" you asked yourself as you stared at your closet, moving pieces of clothes and mumbling to yourself.

yn: rafe, i’m gonna be honest. i’ve never been on a boat before. what do i wear?

rafe: Let me ask my sister.

rafe: She said jeans and a shirt. I normally wear a polo and shorts. It’s really up to you.

yn: okay, thank you! can’t wait for later :)

you picked out a few things, then stuck with a nice flowy top and jeans with sandals, complimented with a jean jacket. you thought about it being cold on the water, on a boat, so you thought your jacket would be good.

you grabbed your things and headed into your car, letting rafe know you were on your way and he replied with a smiling emoji. rafe was different than what you've heard of.

your roommate's boyfriend told you rafe was a dick, and that he was a rich asshole who bragged all the time, but you never saw it. you only hung out with him once, but you would think he would've bragged the first time he spoke to you.

you parked your car and rafe stood down at the end of his backyard. you smile and take out your phone, texting rafe to turn around. rafe turned to look over his shoulder and smiled, jogging over to you.

"hi stranger" rafe smiled and gave you a hug, and you couldn't help but blush. rafe smelled like expensive cologne and just a hint of weed, and you could keep your nose in his neck for hours. "so i figured i could take you around the water, show you a few things then we can dock in the middle of the water and study?" rafe asked as you two walked towards the dock.

"sounds like a perfect date. uh, study date" you smile as your cheeks turn red, rafe getting onto the boat first, taking your bag then holding out his hand. your hand fit well into his, his skin rough but smooth on the palm as he helped you onto the boat.

rafe's hand held your waist as you stepped over the side of the boat, slipping a bit but rafe caught you. you inhale sharply and grip rafe's shirt, and he chuckled softly. "i got you, don't worry" his words were calming, and you tap his chest as you pull away. "feel free to look around, i'm going to get things going"

you nod and run your hand over the railing, leaning over and staring at the view as rafe untied the boat and started the engine. you went over to where rafe was, standing next to him and looking out at the water.

the sun reflected off the water and you shielded your eyes, not even realizing you were leaning against rafe as he drove the boat slowly in a circle around the water.

after a half an hour of him bringing you around, rafe stopped the boat in the middle of the water and you two sat on the chairs with the little table in between. you unlock your phone, but you had no signal.

"rafe, there's no service out here so we can't do our project" you look at him and he shrugs, sucking air through his teeth.

"guess we'll just have to chill here. the project isn't due for a week anyway, we can just hang out" rafe smiled and you chuckle, shaking your head. "so, where'd you grow up?"

you and rafe talked until the moon was high above you two in the sky, and you two just talked about one another's lives. "it's nearly midnight, rafe. i think i should head back to my dorm"

"so soon?" rafe winked and you smiled, shaking your head. "dance with me real quick" rafe put on some john mayer and you blush as he holds out his hand. you grab it and stand up, wrapping your arms around his neck.

"rafe.. can i tell you something?" you picked your head up and looked at him, your nose barely touching him. "i've heard things about you"

"oh?" he spun you slowly and brought you back into his arms, and you felt a wave of butterflies in your stomach. "and what have you heard, gorgeous?"

"that you're the complete opposite to who you are right now" you answer and look up at rafe whose mouth was in a line. "i'm sorry, i shouldn't have-"

"i am different around different people" rafe spoke and you look up at him, pushing your fingers in between his with the other hand on his shoulder. "i'm an asshole around those guys because their fathers are some professors and i want a leg up, even though i do my work"

"i'm sorry, i shouldn't have said anything" you shake your head but he touches your chin softly, making you look up at him.

"do you think i'm an asshole?" rafe asked softly, and you licked your lips softly, eyes meeting his. his eyes were more blue than the water, and you could drown in them.

"i think you're an asshole for not kissing me" you whisper and he smirks, holding the back of your neck as he kissed you. you immediately grabbed his face, your lips moving slowly against his.

rafe was gentle, until you initiated more. you let out a breath through your nose and pushed your body against him, pushing him against the wall of the boat and tugging at his shirt. rafe smiled and grabbed your hands, and pulled away slowly.

"maybe another time, sweetheart. it's late. are you sure you don't want to sleep over?" you shook your head and he kissed you quickly before bringing the boat back to shore.

you leaned over the edge of the boat, dragging your fingers through the water and rafe couldn't keep his eyes off of you. he docked the boat and did everything to tie it up, then helped you off onto the dock.

"we didn't get any work done tonight" you spoke and rafe shrugged again, and you smile as you lean against your car. rafe's arm pressed against the top of your window, looking down at you. "are you free to study tomorrow?"

"i'll always have free time for you, sweetheart" rafe spoke and you grab his shirt, pulling him down to kiss you. there was something intoxicating about his kiss, and you never wanted it to stop. "get home, sweetheart. i'll text you in the morning"

"goodnight, rafe" you whisper and he kisses you once more before heading towards his front door. he waited for you to leave before he went inside.

you flopped on your bed with a smile, pushing your shoes off and taking your jacket off. your phone buzzed and you pulled it out of your pocket, smiling from ear to ear.

rafe: I thank the stars and the professor we were put together. I never want us to finish this project. Good night, or good morning, yn. I'll see you tomorrow.

yn: we can make up our own projects, rafe. i never want this to end. good night handsome

[dalekofchaos]

Why Poe and Rose’s positions in TLJ should’ve been switched and why Finn and Poe NEEDED to be together

You know what would’ve made the whole Canto Bight sequence even better? If it had been Finn and Poe. 

Why? Here’s the problem with Rose. Finn, a CHILD SOLDIER doesn’t need explaining that war and slavery are bad.  You know who needed to understand the lesson that war and slavery are bad? POE! You know who could have taught him that and had a similar falling in love storyline? FINN!  

And honestly? Rose should’ve been the one who had the big confrontation with Holdo. 

If you read the novel TLJ:Cobalt Squadron. You will know it ends with Rose serving on Holdo's ship the Ninka. Now imagine this. Rose just lost her sister and Holdo is withholding information that is vital to the Resistance’s survival. Rose is kept in the dark and believes this will be the end of everything and doesn’t want Paige’s sacrifice to be in vain. So Rose covers Finn and Poe’s escape to Canto Bight and works with Connix and those loyal to Poe and leads a mutiny against Holdo. Remember. Holdo didn’t just leave Poe in the dark, she left THE ENTIRE RESISTANCE in the dark.  So Rose would lead the mutiny and Leia would awaken to stop her, only Leia would not stun her. Leia would talk Rose down, ya know, like Leia would actually do.

Imagine this. Instead of Canto Bight, we see Finn and Poe going to First Order labor camp to free the Master Codebreaker. On the journey, we see Finn telling Poe about his upbringing. About vivid memories of someone dying to keep him safe and being taken by The First Order.  We see Finn and Poe differ for their philosophies. Finn sees The First Order as monsters, but believes there is a chance that there could be more Stormtroopers like him to leave. Poe sees Stormtroopers all the same, but recognizes that Finn was the only one brave enough to say no. 

So Finn witnesses more children being taken by The First Order. Poe’s eyes are on freeing The Master Codebreaker and getting out, but sees an opening to destroying the entire camp while saving the Codebreaker. Finn refuses to let anymore children be taken to be made Stormtroopers and won’t allow Poe to kill the kids in the camp.  So Finn and Poe clash, Finn about saving the kids and suggesting not all Stormtroopers are the same and have the capability to leave, Poe believing all Stormtroopers are cogs in the machine and saving The Resistance is more important than saving a small group of kids and we finally get to see Finn confront Poe about killing his friend Slip. “Do you know why I finally had enough and left? The only friend I had in the Stormtrooper corps was killed on Jakku. Do you know who killed him? You did Poe. He marked me with his blood and then I realized...we’re firing on innocent civilians. We never had a choice. Everyone of us could run from The FIrst Order or even fight, but you don’t see it that way. It’s kill or be killed. This is why I wanted to run away, this isn’t my war, this war TOOK EVERYTHING from me” Poe feels remorse and is taken aback,  until Poe sees that everyone in the camp....they’re all children. He sees the children being forced to become Stormtroopers and The Master Codebreaker...is nonother than Lando Calrissian.

And finally Poe goes “okay new plan buddy, we’re gonna rescue everyone here and burn the place to the ground”

Having Finn and Poe being the ones on adventures gives us more depth to their relationship

We have Finn opening Poe’s eyes to the true atrocities of The First Order

Poe at first is stuck in his ways, but realize there is something more important than blowing up the bad guys

Finn’s character and past isn’t ignored and we don’t have someone talking down to him on why war and slavery are bad

Finn gets to confront Poe about Slip

This would prove Rian was wrong. There was potential to send Finn and Poe on an adventure that could challenge their relationship and help them grow as characters

While we still have a tense dynamic, we have a relationship that is based on love and understanding instead of constant bickering and tazing

We have gay representation in Star Wars

As for why Lando? Let’s look at Maz’s description for the Master Codebreaker "He's a master codebreaker, an ace pilot, a poet with a blaster." That sure does sound like fucking Lando to me. It still baffles me that they gave us a casino planet in TLJ but then chose to not include Lando in that setting although he was introduced as a gambler back in TESB. Lando informs them both that Lando got a tip that The First Order could track through hyperspace and was on the way to help The Resistance, but they captured him. And after saving the kids and taking them to safety, Finn, Poe and Lando are on their way to disabled the hyperspace tracker. We also get to see Lando and FInn both grieve for Han. So yes, Lando would be able to disable the Hyperspace tracker, but Phasma would catch them on their way to the escape pods. And Phasma’s death would be the deleted death scene and be the starting point for the Stormtrooper rebellion.

It would be Poe who would be the one trying to sacrifice himself. Poe has spent the entire film watching others die and give their lives and he’s never backed down and he’s learned that what this war has wrought on the galaxy.  But Finn saves him. I don’t think Finn would have the same speech. Maybe Finn could say this. "It isn't worth winning, if we lose ourselves in hate and can't save who we love." And then Finn kisses Poe. 

It's not worth fighting if Poe is going to die because Finn no longer cares the most about running away with Rey, Finn has fallen in love with Poe. This piece of knowledge gives an entirely different context to the scene, especially when you realize the dialogue was just poorly written to convey the intended message, "this war isn't worth winning without you" and ironically this theme is extremely prevalent when it comes to war. Most people aren't fighting for an ambiguous entity like The Republic or The Resistance, they're fighting for someone special. Han wasn't there for The Rebellion, he was there for Luke and Leia. Look at any war movie or talk to real-life soldiers, they've got picture of their wives, girlfriends or children that they carry with them, most of them are not fighting for their respective nation or what they believe in, but for who they love.

[storiesforallfandoms]

you’re my best friend ~ pete davidson

word count: 2002

request?: yes!

“pete friends to lovers”

description: in which two best friends get super sappy while drunk

pairing: pete davidson x female!reader

warnings: swearing, alcohol and weed usage

masterlist (one, two)

You were already two glasses of wine deep when Pete showed up, two cases of beer in his hands. He had a look of excitement on his face, which slowly fell when he realized there was no one else in your apartment.

“Everyone else cancelled,” you answered his unasked question.

“Everyone?” Pete asked.

You nodded. “Prior commitments or just not wanting to come or some shit.”

Pete came over and plopped himself down on the couch next to you. The case of beer was at his feet and he popped it open, taking out a bottle and immediately chugging it. You looked at him in amusement as he did so. Once he was finished, you asked, “Aren’t they warm?”

“Room temperature,” he corrected.

“Isn’t that gross?”

“A little, but obviously I have to catch up with you so we can be on even playing fields all night.”

You smiled and poured yourself another glass of wine as Pete opened another beer and started to drink again.

Between the heavy amounts of alcohol and the joint that Pete had brought, the two of you had gotten fucked up in no time. At some point you couldn’t even get up off the couch for more drinks, or for water that you both knew you should be drinking. The hangover you were going to have the next day was going to be killer, but in the moment neither one of you really cared.

You were both laid back on the couch, legs intertwined as you laughed at something Pete had said. It probably wasn’t even that funny, but in your inebriated state, everything was hilarious.

“You’re, like, my bestest friend, Pete,” you slurred. “No one else even bothered the show up, but you did!”

“I’m sure everyone else had like...stuff happening,” Pete said. “Adult things like...I don’t know...kids and taxes.”

You retched at the thought. “Yeah, no, I’m good with not having those adult things to do. Having kids, while extremely cute, is also extremely exhausting. But I don’t think anyone would’ve shown. No one else really...hangs out with me anymore.”

You laid your head back so you were looking at the ceiling. You could feel a lump growing in your throat and didn’t want Pete to see if you started crying. You knew this sudden emotion was most likely caused by the alcohol and the weed, but you also knew it was something genuine, a concern you had deep down that you had never voiced to anyone before.

You could hear Pete move to sit up and immediately turned your head away so he couldn’t see your face, even though you knew that looked more suspicious than anything.

“Everyone is busy, (Y/N),” he said, his voice soft. “I’m sure they’ll be able to hang out soon enough.”

“They’re not too busy to miss out on work get togethers, or going out with one another.” You sighed. “I know people grow apart and that’s just what happens when you grow up, I just didn’t think it was going to be all of my friends growing up and drifting apart all at the one time.”

“What am I, chopped liver?”

You giggled and sat up. The room spun around you as you did so and it felt like your stomach lurched. You had to take a moment to steady yourself before focusing your attention on Pete.

“I told you, you’re my bestest friend,” you said.

Pete’s smile slowly faded as he looked at you. “(Y/N), don’t cry please.”

You had forgotten about your emotional moment entirely. You wiped your cheek to find a wet streak running from your eye to your chin. You looked away from Pete again, suddenly feeling ashamed by your needless emotions. You were glad that the two of you were so drunk in that moment and would likely forget all of this the next day.

Pete’s hand lightly touched your chin, lifting it so that you were looking at him again. You looked into his eyes as he used his thumb to wipe the tears from your other cheek. Your breath caught in your throat as you realized how closely the two of you were sat together.

“I’ll always be here,” he assured you. “No matter how much we grow up or grow apart, I’ll always be one phone call away.”

You nodded, unable to get the words to unstick from your throat. You believed him, you knew he’d always be here.

The smell of beer and weed was strong as Pete leaned forward more, and normally you’d hate the smell combination. But you were too distracted by Pete’s eyes to notice, and a moment later you were too distracted by his lips on yours.

You had never viewed Pete as anything more than a friend before. You had grown up together. You were partners in crime since the first day you met in middle school. Your friends, and even your family, often made jokes that the two of you would end up together, but you both laughed it off. You were best friends, two peas in a pod, nothing more.

But now, with his lips moving against yours and his arms pulling you as close to him as you could get, you weren’t so sure. It could’ve been the drunken state the two of you were in, mixed with the emotions you were feeling just moments before. When the two of you sobered up the next day you may have not even remembered what happened, but in the moment you wanted all of him. You wanted his lips, his hands, his body, his heart, and you wanted to give him all of you in return.

His tongue brushed against your lips and you gladly let it in. It was wet and tasted like beer, so not the most romantic thing in the world, but it felt good in the moment. You felt like nothing could ruin what was happening, until your stomach lurched again.

You quickly pulled away from Pete and rushed to the bathroom. You didn’t even have time to kick the door closed behind you before you collapsed next to the toilet and threw up everything you had eaten and drank the past few hours. Pete followed closely behind you, pulling your hair back and gently rubbing your back. When you stopped throwing up for long enough, he got up to get you some water and made you drink it all before he did anything else.

“I didn’t think I was that bad of a kisser,” he joked. You glared at him over your shoulder before throwing up again.

Once you felt steady enough, Pete helped you to your feet. You brushed your teeth and took a mouthful of mouthwash in order to get rid of the taste of vomit. Pete helped you to your bedroom, where he had another glass of water and an Aspirin waiting for you.

“You’ll need that in the morning,” he said. “I’ll let you get changed.”

“You’ll stay with me though, right?” you asked. Suddenly you hated the thought of Pete having to leave.

He smiled. “Of course I will. I just want to give you some privacy while you change. You’re not supposed to see a girl naked till, like, the third date.”

You smiled back at him, a fuzzy feeling building inside of you at the thought of actually going on a date with Pete.

You changed into a pair of comfy pajamas and downed the glass of water Pete had left for you. You ventured out of your room to the kitchen to pour up another glass. You found Pete putting the bottles of beer in the recycling container and putting your glass in the sink.

“Why aren’t you as fucked up as I am right now?” you questioned.

“I could always handle my booze better than you,” he teased. You scowled and stuck your tongue out at him. He chuckled and put an arm around your shoulders. “Come on, let’s go to bed.”

After some convincing, Pete agreed to join you in bed. At first he laid a respectable distance away from you, but you moved close to him and placed your head on his chest. He wrapped his arms around you, running his hands through your hair as your eyes became too heavy to stay open.

“You’ll regret this in the morning,” he murmured. “Or forget it completely.”

“Maybe,” you said, “but let’s wait for the morning to decide that.”

~~~~~~

When you woke up the next morning you groaned in pain. Your head felt heavy and like it had been stabbed by multiple little needles. You opened your eyes but had to shut them again immediately, hissing at the pain that small action caused.

Why the fuck did I drink so much last night? you questioned as you braced yourself and opened your eyes again.

You found yourself alone in bed, which didn’t seem too unusual until you remembered that you hadn’t been alone when you fell asleep. Pete had been there, more specifically he had been cuddling you.

You’ll regret this in the morning, you recalled him saying before you drifted off to sleep. You wondered if he had left before you had the chance to decide how you felt about the events of the night before.

You popped two Aspirin pills into your mouth and swallows them with a mouthful of water. You pulled yourself out of bed and slowly walked out of your room, the only speed you could manage in this state. You were halfway to your kitchen when you realized you were smelling something; bacon. You wondered where the smell was coming from, and didn’t have to look far to get the answer.

Pete was stood by your stove, two plates full of eggs and toast already sat next to him. When he heard you enter, he turned and greeted you with a smile.

“Good morning sleeping beauty!” he said. His loud voice pierced your ears and you quickly covered them and groaned. He chuckled. “You poor thing, you’re gonna hate today.”

“I already do,” you said. “Is that for me?”

He looked down at the plate of breakfast. “One of them is, yeah. Do you think you can keep it down?”

“I can try.”

The two of you sat at your dining room table and began to eat. Although your stomach still didn’t feel right, the food was definitely soaking up whatever alcohol was left in your system and thus was making the splitting headache you had subside just a little bit.

There was an awkward silence looming over the two of you. Despite what you thought the night before, you could still remember every detail; the emotional conversation, the kiss, the cuddling, how you felt when the latter two things were happening. You knew Pete remembered because he certainly wasn’t as fucked up as you were.

“Do you regret it?” you found yourself suddenly asking.

Pete looked up from his breakfast, fake confusion on his face. “What do you mean?”

You gave him a look. “Pete, I remember last night. I remember what we did, and what you said before I fell asleep.”

He sighed, turning his attention back to his food. “I don’t know...do you regret it?”

“I don’t,” you admitted. “If anything, I...I feel whatever the opposite of regret is. The only thing I regret is getting so drunk I threw up after we kissed.”

He smiled. “Yeah, that’s not exactly great timing.”

You looked at him, still waiting for his answer. Finally, he looked up at you again and said, “I don’t regret it either.”

“So what do we do now?” you asked.

Pete thought for a moment before saying, “I take you out on a date, one where we’re both completely sober, and we decide if we really want to do this. How does that sound?”

You smiled brightly at him. “I think that sounds like a great plan.”