#(that have alwsys existed but continue to get worse so it is even MORE critical of me to manage good singing hygeine and mental/physical)
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…that moment when you’re quite literally told to Love Yourself, For GOD’S SAKE in front of the class 💀
#tiger’s musings#mental health bullshit#how bad is my anxiety?#that even with years of support from online friends before I finally got in with my therapist of two years#I literally trigger physical pain from carrying so much tension I exasporate my ligament issues#(that have alwsys existed but continue to get worse so it is even MORE critical of me to manage good singing hygeine and mental/physical)#…and before falling in love with someone Here who accepts me (and evidence indicates he likes me back)#who is just as awkward and anxious and arguably traumatized as me but so so kind and tenacious and funny anyway#I couldn’t begin to learn to feel Anything again#but feeling again also means feeling all the grief I couldn’t before and airing out my insecurities instead of trying to bandage&walkanyway#and yeah. having a voice professor NOW who doesn’t treat me like shit. will even throw his doctorate around for emphasis. that DOES help#because I’ve never been worth someone’s time if not outright bullied#always told my voice is Wrong. the music I would like to do after gaining training is Wrong#even to the point of having my name removed from auditions and told to my face I’m not a real musician#…I kinda feel like my current director would probably throw hands with my old voice teacher and director#and y’know what? they’d deserve it.#sorta like…I feel like I can say with shy anxious confidence…that the one I like now#would’ve stuck by me if we actually did grow up together#(but…even if he wouldn’t then…he would now.)
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