#world's largest head bonks

[lazylittledragon]

i know these books came out decades ago so everyone's fate is extremely sealed but i swear if anything happens to guenhwyvar i'm going to start throwing chairs

[scary-movies-on-netflix]

LOVELY, DARK, AND DEEP (2023)

I should really like this.  It’s about spooky forests.

The film features “Lennon,” who we’ve also seen in “Barbarian” (2022) and “The Watchers” (2024).  She is a new park ranger at “Arvores National Park,” which we learn “is the largest collection of missing people anywhere in the world!”  She drives through the park and literally listens to “Missing 411: The Hunted” (2019), which is about people going missing in the forest.  She is dropped off at her ranger station, which is a cozy little hut with canvas walls and a flimsy wooden door.  She spends her days hiking about her territory.  Apart from her normal duties, she is obviously looking for some sign of her sister, who disappeared in the same park when they were both young! 

We don’t have much dialogue.  Lennon hikes about and we have lots of beautiful forest scenes.  Nights are spooky, and she sees a black deer.  She marks down on her map areas she has searched.  One night, a frantic dude bangs on her door and says that “we need help.”  She follows him and he says, “She was right there, and then she wasn’t.”  She summons the other rangers, and they organize a search for the missing woman.  Lennon is told to wait at camp, in case the woman shows up, but she disobeys and goes out to join the search!  She has visions of the past search for her sister.  Night falls, and she sees the black deer again.  Lennon finds the woman.  She is dazed and her hands and inner legs are bloody.  She asks Lennon, “Are you real?” 

The other rangers retrieve the missing woman.  Lennon is told to return to her station and wait for helicopter retrieval in five days, because she disobeyed orders and “is done for the season.”  She does not wait at her station!  She heads out to investigate where she found the woman.  Night falls, and she hears spooky noises, and she glimpses someone crawling around her camp!  She climbs into her tent and someone is standing outside, but they leave.  She receives word from another ranger (via walkie talkie) that there are reports of a missing person and she should follow them.  She leaves her tent and walks until morning, and then things get weird:

Lennon somehow finds herself all the way on the other side of the park.  She falls down and bonks her head.

Her walkie talkie accuses her of taking something whilst behind her, an image of the very woman she saved crawls down a tree.  Lennon sees her and she has weird eyes!  A vision of Lennon’s sister whispers into her ear, “replace what you took or they’ll keep you.”

Lennon has visions of a nice old couple that she knows.  She has visions of herself shooting them.  She points a gun at them but does not shoot. 

She hikes back to her ranger station.  She has a vision of the past, where a ranger handed to her mother her missing sister’s shoe, and the ranger has a weird head!  Just a mass of bloody tendrils.  Lennon enters the ranger station, but inside is an entire house of some sort, where she sees visions of her family.  She listens to a cassette tape, where she hears the head ranger lady saying that “she’s been taken, there’s nothing I can do.”  Lennon sees her mother chomping on her own hand, and she sees her father stab himself.  She sees a vision of her missing sister, who says, “they keep us here.”

Lennon finally finds herself standing on a dark lakeshore and sees the head ranger lady.  She asks her, “are you real?”  The head ranger explains that there are beings at the park, and they take people, “and we let them.”  The head ranger lady now regrets her complicity in this practice, and she trades herself to the beings for Lennon.  (See, Lennon interfered when she saved the other woman, and now they want Lennon.  Head ranger lady offers herself in Lennon’s stead.)  Lennon finds herself on the real lakeshore, and a ranger finds her.  “You all know,” she tells him.

She later returns to her ranger work.  We see a missing person poster for the head ranger lady.  Someone else goes missing and she joins the search.  Lennon is walking alone to look for the dude, and she finds him!  He faces her and asks, “Are you real?”  She says, “No,” and walks away.  The end.

This movie was ok.  I found myself mostly unsatisfied.  This is a tale of loss and alienation, but it’s not entirely successful as a horror movie.  Look at the trailer.  It basically has every spooky moment, and the movie itself doesn’t really add much more.  Lennon wanders around in a vision of some sort, but it’s unfocused.  Are the forest being trying to drive her mad?  Trying to convince her to stay with them?  The beings show her some weird visions and weakly threaten her with some unknown fate.  The movie could have really leaned into the cosmic horror aspect of the plot and shown her that the forest can be a portal into terror and madness.  Alas, no.  Perhaps worst of all, at the end she just gives in and decides to let someone be taken.  Didn’t she remember the pain of her own sister’s loss?  Maybe in that respect the forest broke her, and we’ll have to settle for that.

[bitcoincables]

Crypto Market Update: Bitcoin, Ethereum, and Solana Experience Surges and Drops

In the crypto world, December doesn't feel much like the holiday season. However, there have been some interesting developments. Bitcoin reached $44,000 per coin for the second time this month and is currently trading at $43,815. This increase of over 3% in the past week can be attributed to the potential approval of a spot Bitcoin ETF, as BlackRock's Head of Digital Assets met with the SEC to discuss its application. Ethereum, the second-largest digital asset, has also had a positive week, with its price reaching $2,295.

Scaling solutions like Optimism and Arbitrum have seen significant increases in price, rising by more than 47% and 19% respectively over the week. Optimism is now priced at $3.23, while Arbitrum is trading at $1.36. Solana, an Ethereum competitor, has continued its rally and become the fifth largest digital coin by market cap, overtaking XRP. It has surged over 30% in the past seven days and is approaching $100 per coin, currently priced at $96.99.

Meme coins based on the Solana blockchain are also gaining popularity. Dog-themed Dogwifhat (WIF), which launched last month to compete with Shiba Inu, has seen a remarkable increase of 242% this week and is now trading at $0.27. However, Bonk (BONK), which was previously a hot topic, has cooled down and experienced a 25% drop in price over the past seven days, now trading at $0.00001849.

To read the original article, click here.

[human-sweater-vest]

an exercise in reasons to exist:

friends who write you love notes and prose, fairy lights, collaborative spotify playlists, promises of shared apartments because rent is too high and wages are too low, over the garden wall watch parties each fall, writing music-both good and objectively bad, memes that make you laugh unexpectedly, moths on windows, dried roses in vases, set lists from concerts, relearning to love reading, seeing people’s comments in google docs of scripts, queer fiction podcasts, leaves changing color, history focused youtube channels, dogs, cats, teaching people how to play games, cribbage, putting stickers on things even though it makes you anxious, photography, playing live photos back months after they’re taken and hearing laughter, indie music, bookstores, chamomile tea, live theatre, the soundtrack to 36 questions- the podcast musical, twitter polls crowning the best shade of pink, the best avatar ship (zukka), the #1 tumblr sexyman, and more, crab rave, candles, decorative sewing scissors, the sparkle emoji, the moon, the sun, discord servers with strange names and even stranger channels, deer, embroidery, lesbians, binders, people who use your pronouns, sharing headphones with friends on busses, going for walks, dandelions, vintage teacups, the trumpet, getting dressed up incredibly fancy to go to the store, discovering a new favorite book, bald eagles, tchotchkes, music boxes, hugs, holding hands, kisses on knuckles, bonking your head against someone like a cat, lavender, having flowers you associate with people, calling fictional middle aged men “babygirl”, internet fandoms, writing meta, tumblr mutuals, fanfic, running jokes, kissing the homies goodnight, blorbos, office hours with your favorite professor, crows, ravens, raven boys (of the raven cycle), literary analysis, conversations at three am about god, ghosts, and the pando tree, the world’s largest organisms: a forest and a fungus, fly agarics poking out of the ground, instagram meme accounts, receiving playlists as gifts, being sent songs because they reminded someone of you, family photo albums, notes in the back of yearbooks, journals, buying journals you’ll never fill because they’re pretty, painting nails on floors, favorite songs, seeing pride flags in public, animated tv shows, poetry, mechanical pencils, meditation, willow trees, one day being able to see fireflies, lists of things that are good and worth staying around for

please add on if you’d like <3

[spittyfishy]

Also in remnant v3 au: would Kaede be a remnant too, a Chiaki analogue or just escaped to the FF?

Oh Kaede is gonna be a remnant for sure, she’s one of my all time favourite danganrompa characters (tied for third place with Tsumugi with Mikan as first and Kazuichi in second) so I don’t intend to just kill her off lol.

As generic as it is she likely fills Ibuki's role of performing concerts to corrupt mass amounts of people to despair.

My friend and I were joking that she should drop pianos on people's heads in a very Loony Toons fashion to kill them, and uh yeah lol we’re going with that because I’m hilarious. Imagine just going about your business in the post tragedy world and suddenly just an entire grand piano hits you in the head. Comedy gold.

(Also like, there probably wouldn’t be that many pianos just laying around during the despair era since it’s kinda the apocalypse so Kaede would definitely get despair from destroying them by using them to bonk people to death)

Aside from that, I think her largest source of despair would come from the other remnants. By the time she realized what Junko was doing with her classmates it was too late, and they were all too far gone for her to help them, even Suichi. So whenever she sees them out and about doing all the despair stuff it’s like haha that’s her fault. (It’s not really of course, it’s Junko’s fault, but critical thinking skills aren’t really the remnants strong suit lol)

I think similarly to Kaito she’d keep her usual personality, and still be very upbeat and supportive, it’s just she’s supporting them to do even more evil lol. Those two cheer on the others and make sure they’re being the best, worst, most evilest Despairs they can be!

Why yes, her outfit is comprised of different bits and pieces of the Evil Queens dresses in Once Upon A Time! It had the right vibes and every once and a while I have to do something that would make middle school era me happy lol. That being said I knew I wanted her to have some kinda necklace/choker thing on her throat (bc hee hoo execution references in designs for brrr) and the music note motif from her skirt can be found on her hair tie and bracelet.

[mochegato]

Even the Losers

Chapter 8

Chapter 1     Chapter 7

“Your father is Bruce Wayne and now he wants to reconnect,” Nino recapped as though anyone involved in the call was unaware. From the look Chloe gave him, he was particularly happy she was in New York not Paris and couldn’t actually smack him upside the head.

“Thank you for that waste of time and breath,” Chloe grumbled.

“I just… don’t see the problem.”  Nino did actually move away from Alya before she could swat him.  “What?  Your dad is Bruce freaking Wayne!  Even if you don’t connect with him, you can totally draw on that Wayne money.”

He wasn’t fast enough to move away from her smack that time.  “Ow!” he pouted at Alya.

“It’s not about the money!” Alya groaned, already exasperated by him.  “It’s about him not wanting to have a relationship until the press found out.  It’s about him cutting her out but taking in a gaggle of other kids.”  Nino lightly shoved Alya’s shoulder and motioned toward Marinette’s expression on the screen.  Alya grimaced and gave him a nod of understanding.

Marinette looked down and pursed her lips to keep from frowning.  It was bad enough thinking it in her own head constantly, but hearing it out loud, repeated back to her?  That made it so much worse.  That made her feelings real.  That legitimized her feelings.  She couldn’t pretend like she was just overreacting.  They were justified.  Which meant she couldn’t just freeze them out.  Or rather she shouldn’t.  She had to face them.

She focused her energy on not changing her body language so she didn’t worry Adrien any more than he was already.  Keeping her body relaxed instead of tensing up.  Adrien had gone into a frenzied panic when he and Max had returned from their apartment search to find her collapsed on the floor, blocking the door. She’d missed the worst of it according to what Tikki said, but she still remembered the terrified look in his eyes when she woke up.  He hadn’t left her side since, keeping constant physical contact.  

Max seemed to inherently understand the situation and was jumping up to get anything either of them might need so they didn’t have to abandon each other for even a few moments.  She was eternally grateful to him for it because she wasn’t sure who the physical proximity was having more of a calming effect on, her or Adrien, but regardless, they both needed it.  

Her attempt to not react didn’t seem to have been as effective as she thought it had been judging by the way Adrien hugged her closer to him.  Marinette lightly bonked her head into his chest and returned her attention to the laptop screen.  “It’s okay, Nino,” Marinette assured him weakly.

“No it isn’t,” Chloe said over her.  “Both of you need to stop talking.”  She flipped a page in her magazine and looked up at the screen.  “I mean, that’s true in general, but especially during this call.” Her eyes were sharp when she looked up but Marinette could see the concern she was trying to hide by focusing on her magazine.  She wasn’t sure what Adrien had told them about how he found her but she could tell it was enough to scare them too.

Marinette rolled her eyes at Chloe.  “Yes, it is.”

Chloe groaned.  “This is the way we work Dupain Cheng.  You and Adrien let people walk all over you, Nino keeps the peace, Alya starts trouble, and I tell people the truth and to back the fuck off when it’s warranted.”

“Which never starts trouble,” Alya snarked.

“I do not let people walk all over me!” Adrien objected, looking around for support. Marinette gave a curt nod of agreement, but Max was avoiding his eyes and Chloe was staring at him flatly.

“No, you don’t let people walk all over us,” she motioned toward the screen, trying to indicate the rest of them.  “But you let everyone walk all over you.”  Her eyes moved slightly and her eyes narrowed slightly.  “You both do.”

Marinette wrinkled her nose at the screen with a pout.  “I stood up to you,” she groused.

Chloe scoffed.  “And it only took you like ten years to do it.  So proud of you.”  She rolled her eyes so strongly, her entire head moved as she did it.

Marinette’s mouth dropped in offense.  “I’m better now.”

“Are you, though?  Really?” Chloe deadpanned.

Marinette pouted.  “Yes!”

“Statistically, she is accurate,” Max added.  “She does stand up for herself more now than when we were younger.”  Marinette pursed her lips at Max, unsure how to respond to his comment.  On one hand, it defended her.  On the other hand, she did not at all appreciate how he stressed the word ‘statistically’ and she was certain everyone else caught that as well.

Chloe opened her mouth to say something but was cut off by Nino. Marinette sighed in relief until she started processing his words.  “I get that it’s hard and it hurts, I guess I just thought you wouldn’t take it this hard. After Jagged with Luka and Juleka and your grandfather… you forgave all of them.  You helped Jagged with Luka and Juleka, making sure their relationship didn’t go bad.”  He motioned vaguely at nothing.  “You seemed to brush it off and take it as a challenge.  So why isn’t this?”

Alya dropped her head in her hands.  “Tact, Nino.  God.”

“No, he’s not wrong.”  Marinette frowned as she thought about his words.  “I went after Grand-père and convinced him to reconnect.  Papa never held it against him so I guess I didn’t either. Luka never held it against Jagged, just moved forward.  Maybe it’s just me.  Maybe…”

“No!” Adrien interrupted before she could follow that train of thought any further. He gently turned her toward him to focus her attention on him.  “There’s nothing wrong with you or how you’re reacting.  There’s no wrong way to react to news like this.  If you feel sad, that’s fine.  If you feel annoyed, that’s fine.  If you feel frustrated, that’s okay.  If you want to just move past it, there’s nothing wrong with that.  If you feel angry, that’s okay.  And if you feel like you need space, that’s okay too. There’s no wrong way to react to this,” he repeated.

“Except however Chloe would respond,” Alya added with a smirk.

“Hey!” Chloe objected loudly, glaring at the screen, but with no real heat behind it. “For the record, how I would respond to news like this is to spend all my new found father’s money, pressing my boundaries until he finally said something.  And if he didn’t say anything, I’d use those billions to do whatever the fuck I wanted and never see him in person.”

Marinette blinked at Chloe, as did the rest of the group.  That was certainly… an option.  Not one Marinette would ever choose, but it was…  Marinette started giggling at the idea.  Adrien joined her quickly while Max, Alya, and Nino watched them worriedly.  Chloe rolled her eyes and flipped the page in her magazine, but the corners of her lips quirked up.

“He is correct,” Max added, bringing them back to the original point.  “There are a variety of ways people will react to finding out they have a parent they didn’t know about.  Markov found hundreds of studies on psychological responses to similar news and responses are extremely varied.”

“Juleka had a harder time with accepting it and connecting to Jagged than Luka did, remember?” Adrien pointed out.  “And there’s nothing wrong with her.  She wasn’t wrong to react that way, right?”  Marinette shook her head reluctantly.  It wasn’t that she thought there was anything wrong with the way Juleka reacted, but in agreeing with Adrien’s observation, she would have to agree with his point that she was allowed to freak out about this instead of ignoring it like she wanted to.

“Marinette,” Alya raised her voice to bring attention back to her.  “You can do anything you want here and we’ll support you. You know that.  No matter how this ends we all love you.  No matter how you react, we’ll love you.  Nobody is going to judge you for any decision.”

Chloe scoffed.  She waited until everyone was looking, or in Alya and Adrien’s cases, glaring at her. “What?  You want me to lie to her?”  She looked incredulously at the other faces on the video call.  “We won’t judge.  Hell, I’m willing to scratch his eyes out in public for you.  But, your name was already getting out there and his name, now yours, is on the largest corporation in the world.  Every news and gossip organization is going to be talking about it forever if you guys don’t make a good show of it.”

“So?” Alya demanded incredulously.  “She should just do whatever is best for publicity?”

“Did I say that?” Chloe scoffed.  She finally put her magazine down to show how serious she was taking the conversation. “When have I ever let the threat of bad publicity stop me from doing something?  I just said it would be out there, not that she should care.  It’s a factor, a big one when she’s figuring out what she wants.”

“What do you want?” Adrien asked gently, turning his attention back to Marinette.

Marinette looked at Adrien for a few seconds while her brain whirred at high speed thinking through all the options.  What did she want?  None of this. That’s what she wanted.  After a few seconds she took a breath and let it out. “What I want is to not have to deal with any of this.  What I want is to not be his daughter.  What I want is to figure out where we want to live and work and start a company there like we planned.  What I want is to live a normal life now.”  She ignored Chloe’s scoff.  “What I want…” she sighed and looked away.  “What I want doesn’t matter.”

Chloe huffed almost loudly enough for it to echo.  “Of course it matters, it just doesn’t change the past or the current situation.  But, you control your next steps.  So Ladybug this bitch.  Some egomaniacal, rich, pampered megalomaniac has created an utterly ridiculous problem that you now have to fix.  This is your specialty.  Show this bastard who he walked out on.  Make him regret not dying with his parents.”

“Woah! What the Hell?” Nino exclaimed. “Too far.”

Chloe scoffed and looked back at her nails.  “If you think that was too far, you should have heard what I wanted to say.  I toned it way down for your sensitive ears,” she added condescendingly.  She just barely looked up when Marinette started giggling.  Chloe’s lips quirked up the more Marinette tried to stifle the slightly unhinged sounding giggles.

“Dude, that’s her grandparents…” Nino whisper shouted.  Marinette suddenly sobered and paled in realization.

“Or!” Adrien interjected with false excitement positioning himself between Marinette and the screen.  “Or, you could, you know, try to build a relationship with him.”  He looked decidedly away from the incredulous looks from Alya and Chloe and the doubtful look from Nino on screen, trying to pretend like they weren’t judging him.  He moved closer to Marinette and took her hands in his giving her a sincere, serious look.  “You have someone, your father, who wants to connect to you.”  

He ignored the loud scoff from the computer and continued as though Alya or Chloe, or both, hadn’t verbalized their opinion.  They clearly weren’t that opposed or they would have said it instead of making a noise.  He “accidentally” closed the video chat and gave Max a pointed look.  

Max nodded slowly.  “I’m just going to go to my room for a few minutes.  Let me know if you want to talk.”

Marinette and Adrien both shot him thankful smiles.  Adrien waited until his door was closed before looking back at Marinette with a concerned look.  “You got screwed in this deal.  Nobody can deny that, and however you feel, that’s real and valid.  It’s okay to be hurt.  It’s okay to be scared.  It’s okay to say this is too much for you right now, or ever.  But, do you really want to walk away?  Not connect to him?  Not try?”

“He didn’t want…” Marinette started weakly.

“Maybe he wasn’t ready,” he cut her off before she could spiral again.  “Maybe this is the universe’s way to saying it’s time. You got the embodiment of luck in your pocket.  Is it really so farfetched to think luck played a role?”

“Bad luck,” Marinette scoffed to the floor.  Adrien gently rapped her on the top of her head with his knuckle.  She looked back up and caught his unimpressed look. Marinette sighed and looked away before looking back up at him uncertainly.  “I don’t know…”

“Do you think you want to try?” Tikki asked floating out of her resting spot. “It’s your choice.  But I don’t think this is going away, so whichever decision you go with you’ll have to face the consequences.”

“Or I could just cataclysm him,” Plagg offered rubbing his paws together.  He darted away from Tikki before she could shut him up.

“No!” Marinette and Adrien chorused at the same time.

Adrien glared at Plagg but made sure to soften his eyes before looking back at Marinette.  “Okay, maybe things don’t work out with him.  But it sounds like you have siblings.  You already like Jason.  Maybe you’ll like them too.”  He gave her a small smile and rubbed her arms soothingly.  “You always wanted siblings.”

Marinette gave him a weak smile back.  “I don’t need siblings anymore.  I have you.  That’s more than enough.  I don’t think I could handle more of yous.”

Adrien scoffed good naturedly at her.  “If anything I’ve made having siblings more appealing.”

Marinette scoffed playfully.  “Keep telling yourself that,” she muttered.

He pulled her into a hug.  “You always wanted more.  And it sounds like you might have sisters.”

“More people he adopted after walking away,” Marinette groused into his shirt.

Adrien hugged her tighter.  “Maybe he had a reason?  Or maybe he just royally messed up.  Maybe he hates himself for the decision.  It’s something you won’t find out unless you stay.  And you can just talk once and see how you feel about it. If it doesn’t go well, you can walk away and we can find that bar Roy mentioned.  If it goes well, you can decide to stay or we can decide to move to New York or Metropolis, like we were thinking and you can still see him every so often.”

“Even if it doesn’t go perfectly,” Tikki added softly, “it’ll give you closure.  You deserve to have that.”

“And you’ll wonder what could have happened if you don’t,” Adrien nudged her gently.  “You know you’re going to regret not trying.”

“So is that an absolute no on the cataclysm idea,” Plagg popped up between them.  “Because I’m still willing.”

Marinette rolled her eyes at him but shot him a grateful smile.  It was as close as Plagg got to admitting he cared.  She scratched him on the forehead and looked back to Adrien with a frown.  “I don’t think I can handle this.”

“I’ll stay with you.  And Max will be here.  Tikki will be here for you.  Plagg will be here, but don’t let that deter you…”

“Hey!” Plagg pouted.

Adrien continued without acknowledging him.  “Chloe could be here in a few hours if we needed and she’d drop everything to get here, no matter what she says.  Alya and Nino will only be a phone call away.  We will support you no matter what you want to do. But we can’t make this decision for you, so, the question is what do you want to do?”

Marinette groaned and pouted at him.  “You sure you can’t do this for me?”

Adrien gave her a sympathetic look and shook his head. “Not this time, Bug.”  He waited a few minutes for her to think through her options.  When she looked just as lost after another few minutes after that, he spoke up gently. “Do you want to talk to Sabine and Tom first?  They might have some answers you need to make your decision.”

Marinette looked back up at him with a pathetic looking pout.  “Can’t I just sleep through this instead?”

Adrien chuckled and shook his head, relieved she was now in a light enough mood to make jokes.  “You could,” he nodded and put on a mock serious face, “but your problems will still be there when you woke up.”

“What bullshit,” she scoffed in a weak voice.

Adrien nodded.  “Yep, utter bullshit.”

Marinette kept eye contact with him for a few moments waiting for him to impart some kind of insightful wisdom upon her.  When he held silent and let her make her own decision, she whimpered and looked away.  “What if it isn’t him I cataclysm,” Plagg asked, flying between them.  “I could do it to his house instead… a few of his cars?  Rich people always have too many cars.”

Adrien grabbed him out of the air and shoved him in his pocket with an exasperated groan.  But Marinette giggled again.  When her laughter had settled, she took a deep breath and motioned toward her phone. Adrien smiled at her as he placed it in her hand.  She took a deep breath and pulled out the paper M. Wayne had given her.  She dialed one of the numbers before she could talk herself out of it, which knowing herself could happen if she was given more than a few seconds to think, and looked up to Adrien, letting his soft smile ground her.  “M. Wayne? It’s Marinette.  Would you be free for dinner tonight?”

Chapter 9

Tags:

@maribat-bdbwm @jayjayspixiepop @redscarlet95 @alice-hazelwood @deathssilentapproach-blog @unoriginalmess @alyssadeliv @emotionalsupportginger @frieddonutsweets @when-no-wings-do-broomsticks @toodaloo-kangaroo @colorfulmongerpsychicranch @iloontjeboontje @wolf-for-life @maribatserver @aespades @prettylittlebutterflie @imarivers8  @ certainmuffinbagelcalzone@ritacrow-blog @unoriginalmess @demonicbusiness @kking13 @lady-bee-fechin @blur-of-colours @kittenmywaythrulife @kashlyn @loysydark 

[irgmugurg]

Belphie's Music Taste

Mammon's Music Taste

Asmodeus's Music Taste

Belphie listening to lofi songs is simultaneously the cutest and funniest thing that I’ve ever heard.

Aw is the bratty little cowboy gonna listen to windchimes and sparkles. Yes. Yes, he is.

Aight hear me out. JUST LISTEN

Belphie listening to country music.

HE HAS THE COWBOY AESTHETIC ALREADY MIGHT AS WELL GO ALL THE WAY.

He’d start it as a joke but he’d gradually love falling asleep to the slow drawl of the music.

he thinks their super cheesy but proceeds to press play

"ugh more country music?" *clicks play*

Or even listening to those sad country army songs about being soldiers and missing your family

He 100% relates these songs to Lilith and having to fight for/against the celestial realm.

AT SOME POINT he’s layed with Beel and they both cried about country music/Lilith (think If Your Reading This and a bunch more by Tim McGraw, Arlington, and Your Gonna Miss This by Trace Adkins)

Butterfly Kisses by Bob Carlise. FUCK. I’M GOING TO CRY.

I know some of these songs are from the point of view of a daughter and their dad but Belphie can’t help but think of being able to grow up and show Lilith how the world has changed.

Doesn’t even care that most of country songs are religion-based and yeah sometimes he gets so angry at Father for what he took from him but he remembers that now Lilith is up there still. Doesn’t make it hurt any less though.

Wishes he could still hold her, see her grow up, him and beel being her best men at her wedding, connecting the human and celestial realm

listens to circus songs and fucking cries

NICKELBACK. (he isn’t THAT bad okay, sometimes his songs SLAP) ((lullaby,,,belphie relates this song to his feelings of overwhelming anger in the attic)

Falling asleep holding each others hands, reminiscing about Lilith and the times they had together.

Mammon and satan, just to piss him off, played the wild west theme songs (The Good The Bad The Ugly theme) whenever he walked in a room and he would go demon mode (only for them to laugh harder, cowboy looking ass)

gets embarrassed if you hear him listening to country music

changes the song quickly, he can't have people knowing he genuinely likes it

listened to If I Die Young once and thought of Lilith

proceeded to block all mentions of this song

Anyway LOFI MUSIC.

He loves how soft and sweet it is even though it doesn’t match his “style”.

This motherfucker can be berated by Lucifer and he’ll put on headphones and just watch Lucifer scream at him and only hear soft Lofi music.

Lofi hip hop, Jazz, pop. He does not discriminate.

Very often gets the beats and small portions of the lyrics stuck in his head.

LOVES Shiloh Dynasty and all the remixes

But that is not the only thing that Belphie listens to. Oh no, definitely not.

Loves nightcore. Alvin and the Chipmunks who?

Alternatively likes listening to slowed down songs

Listens to the front bottoms and thinks about punching lucifer in his face

OUCH! By Matt Watson

HE LISTENS TO SCREAMO AND EMO MUSIC.

MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE, SLEEPING WITH SIRENS, PIERCE THE VEIL.

Emo headass.

Is very much stuck in the 2010s (probably the last era he was able to listen to before getting locked in the attic and since getting out has been stuck there) and if MC introduces him to any more then even 2020 music.

It’s the emotions that he relates so heavily to but it also helps him stay awake to do tasks.

His turn to do dishes? Unearthly screaming comes from the kitchen. Please don’t worry he is just vibing.

He has the screamo voice. He doesn’t use it often because I don’t see Belphie as someone to sing along, more bopping to the music and swaying, MAYBE mumbling under his breath but nothing more.

Will do it with Lucifer around just to fuck with him

Why is the thought of Belphie on stage, smudged mascara, black leather clothes and screaming on the top of his lungs hot????

would 100% let you dress him up in that outfit but acts like he doesn't like it

Stop *bonk* being *bonk* a *bonk* belphie *bonk* simp *bonk*

He doesn’t like making playlists because its so much work so if he puts on Lofi to go to sleep to and he will stay sleeping on wild screamo music.

Listens to it most in the attic because that’s where a FUCKTON of his resentment/rebellious vibes come from and because he doesn’t want to bother Beel while they are sleeping.

Asshole probably doesn’t use his headphones anywhere else tho.

Asmodeus and Mammon don’t understand him but they love him nonetheless.

*demonic screeching* “Okay sweetie don’t forget about the student council meeting later today <3”

If Mammon vibes with a song he WILL scream along, incoherently though because he doesn’t know the lyrics.

Beel just kinda sits there. Doesn’t get it either but loves seeing Belphie look so at peace.

Old man lucifer “is that what you kids listen to today?” (but can he talk?? really?? listening to cursed records bc iTs InTeReStInG)

Satan gets it the most out of anyone else. When they have Anti Lucifer-League meetings Belphegor puts on the most rebellious, and relatable (for their cause) at least, songs and they both scream the lyrics.

he isn't shy showing these songs to you but has once attempted to show off his emo scream please don't laugh at him

OKAY BUT CLEANING UP THE LIVING ROOM WITH BELPHIE WHILE YOU BOTH SCREAM IS SO CUTE

Trophy Father’s Son by Sleeping With Sirens, Can You Feel My Heart, Keep Myself Alive, Sleepwalking by Bring Me The Horizon, Last Resort by Papa Roach, A LOT OF LINKIN PARK, Monster by Skillet, and OF COURSE Bring Me To Life by Evanescence

He probably wouldn't listen to wolf in sheeps clothing but *pointing* THATS HIM

Belphie has spent time crying over these songs. On late nights when he can’t sleep he cries about how he thinks Lucifer doesn’t love him and blames him for Lilith’s death. How MC must really hate him for how he’s acted. How different he is from his brother’s. (part of why he won’t listen to it in front of Beel)

please hold him and promise him that you don't hate him

He also LOOOOOVVES classical music but due to his history with it will not listen to it.

Aka how he used to lay on lucifer’s lap while he plays lullabies for him.

If Lucifer is playing classical music in the area tho? He can’t help but suddenly feel really sleepy. And no he didn’t fall asleep close enough to hear Lucifer scribble away on his paperwork (Lucifer knows he does and always has a blanket ready for when this happens).

lay with him and if you listen very carefully you can hear him mumbling the lyrics under his breath as he runs his fingers through your hair

One of my biggest things about belphie is that he is really smart even though he doesn’t like to put in the effort.

He likes to dissect these songs (typically passing thoughts and really paying attention, he won’t put to much effort into it) and get into them and it backfires because that means he’s really listening to these lyrics and it hits him THAT much harder. (STICKING LITTLE WHITE FLOWERS ALL UP IN HER HAAAAAIIRRRR)

End Note: Belphie doesn't have the largest music selection but the songs he listen to either help him sleep or makes him get all up in his feelings (bc he is emotionally stunted and its the only way he can cry).

[memecucker]

discoursedrome

replied to your post

“the reason anime characters have disproportionately large eyes is the...”

there's something to this but it seems like it doesn't account for the stylistic variation in eye size within different cartoon styles and often within a single series, which is not just arbitrary but signifies something!

Well, this is an interesting topic, it depends on the work in question as to what is being signified. Differing eyeshapes within the same series can also be used not just for emoting but also accompany the narrative roles various characters express. And not just in obvious ways like “babies have cute eyes” either but they can denote for example what role a given character plays in comedic dynamics.  As an example lets focus our attention to The Flintstones and specifically the facial designs of the four main adult characters.  

So something thats present in basically all designs of The Flintstones that keep to the original style is that Fred’s eyes are always drawn in what can be considered a classic cartoons style having large pupils surrounded by the sclera (white of the eye) while Wilma has the “old newspaper strip” style of Peanuts or Popeye where she simply has plain black ovals or circles. Barney and Betty are similar but in reverse, with Barny having just a black circle (though more round than Wilma since he has a rounder design) and Betty having pupils inlaid within a sclera (though there’s some inconsistency with her as she sometimes has an ‘implied’ flesh-colored sclera). There are moments of inconsistency with Barney sometimes having a flesh-colored pupil and Betty sometimes having flesh-colored sclera but generally speaking thats how their eyes work if animators were staying on-model. 

Now whats interesting about this is if you look at Flintstones episodes the members of the main adult cast will most frequently be interacting with the other members who have different eye shapes. So Fred and Wilma are married of course as are Barney and Betty and also Fred and Barnie are best friends as are Wilma and Betty. This means that there is a feeling of visual variety when the plot splits characters off into pairs whatever they may be. It also helps make it clear that none of them are blood relatives which could be a source of confusion especially in the case of Fred and Barney who really would sorta look like brothers if they had similar eyes since they share many similarities in the rest of their designs especially the perpetual five-oclock-shadow (not something thats really a sign of genetic relation but aesthetic logic doesnt have to mirror the real world).

In addition to that, Fred has the largest eyes of all the characters. This makes sense because he is the overall main character of the show and him having the largest eyes means he will be the first face the audience will naturally focus on in a scene. Its also relevant for Fred’s comic role because he tends to be the active agent in the comedy either peforming actions which frustrate Wilma or which are commented on by Barney and when you have a comedic reversal where Fred ends a scene feeling very different from when he started

As an example we can look at this particular clip from the original series

 So in what ends up being a very common premise for episodes or sequences in the series, an upset Fred wishes to end his friendship with Barney. Fred has a thick furrowed brows meeting downward facing eyes showing clear aggression. Barney (who as I said earlier is being drawn off model in that his eyes are not colored in during this scene) simply stares at Fred, his eyes being just ovals but with his eyebrows being raised in a way to show that he is meeting Fred’s anger in a light-hearted way. You’ll notice that Barney has much thinner eyebrows located much further away from his eyes than Fred, this is because since he doesnt actually have pupils, the way his eyes express emotion is by showing their relationship to other parts of his face specifically eyebrows. Having thin eyebrows allows for more flexibility for their placement, in thise case they even touch his hairline.

Fred accuses Barney of mooching or stealing his stuff including his favorite drink Cactus Coolah (funfact the actual soda Cactus Cooler was created to ride off the popularity of the Flintstones and its fictional soda brand). His eyes are basically in the same position as they were in the previous still with the shift from plain aggression to a smug aggression (setting up the comedic reversal) being conveyed by the rest of his face. 

Barney tries to warn Fred the bottle he’s holding isnt Cactus Coolah. Unlike Fred Barney is expressing a strong shift in emotion from bemusedly teasing Fred to being actively concerned for him. Barney’s actual eyes havent moved at all other than being proportionately larger than earlier but whats being used to convey Barney’s emotions in this still are his eyebrows. They go high-up and far from his eyes and curved to being much closer to his eyes and straight. 

Fred realizes he just drank car polish. His eyes are not incredibly different, conveying both stress and sickness. Not only does he have lines surrounding his eye conveying stress and anxiety but they even go inside his eyes nearly touching his pupil. His eyelids have descended partially.  His eyebrows also show the change of his emotional state no longer being a furrowed unibrow though their importance is secondary to the visual changes pertaining his actual eyes.

After throwing the heavy stone bottle into the air and bonking his own head combined with the implied effects of drinking car polish, Fred’s eyes become asymmetric showing disharmony and showing he is about to pass out. Interestingly he suddenly now has (white colored) irises, the purpose of this being to show widened dilating pupils that relate to a state of excitedness or stress while at the same time not contradicting that he is on the verge of losing cosciousness which is conveyed by his eyelids being pulled down asymmetrically. 

Throughout that short scene Fred having the largest most expressive (for a Hanna-Barbara TV production anyway) eyes of the cast are used to show how he is both the active agent in the story driving the narrative forward as his emotion carry him but he is also the object of things being done to him and with his eyes showing his emotional state in those cases. Barney, being an observer of Fred’s antics emotes not so much with his eyes but the raising and lowering of his eyebrows. Essentially, Fred’s narrative role in the series requires him to be drawn with a much wider emotional range when compared to Barney. This is on top of the other role the eyes of the characters play in this particular show being another way to physically distinguish between the four main adult members of the cast.

[pinkysfaultorbrainsfault]

pinky and the brain - s1e3a: tokyo grows

episode summary: inexplicably existing in post-war japan, brain hijacks a shrink ray he just found laying around in order to make it a growth ray. he intends to dress pinky up as terrifying local monster gollyzilla, and pretend to defeat him, so the japanese people... elect him... president. of. japan.

all i’m gonna say is shinzo abe’s replacement has a hell of a lot coming to him if that’s a job requirement.

the rundown:

IT IS TOKYO IN 1956.

you can tell because it says “tokyo 1956″ in big letters at the bottom of the screen.

as we take a detour into acmeshito labs, senior-ly produced by tom ruegger,

we see a fellow sacrificing his shoes to the shoe gods. (sorry about that weird line at the bottom. vlc player has just decided it’s doing that now, i guess. nothing i can do about it.)

inside, some other lads, who have all been produced by peter hastings (my, the man gets around) are shrinking tvs for fun and giggles.

“at last! professor mifune! you have perfected the process of shrinking electronic devices, so we can sell them to americans for a lot of money!”

hm.

“yes, shimura, and now i say to you! miniturisation will be very,

BIG.”

and then they both shuffle over to stand in front of each other and laugh in a weird stilted way.

HA. HAHAHA. HAHAHA. i’m not sure if this is making fun of japanese people, or a common trend in japanese media (or voice acting?) at the time, but, um, i’m uncomfortable.

thankfully, the newly miniturised radio advertises that Legendary Prehistoric Monster Gollyzilla has been spotted, and apparently

the emperor wants mifune’s scientific opinion on gollyzilla

GOLLYZILLA

so maybe it’s best for mifune and shimura to get the fuck out of dodge.

so the two of them make a hasty retreat - after toeing their shoes back on, of course.

but who are these two!

brain looks pensive. i don’t know what’s in that waterbottle, but he’s having a tiny mousie crisis. pinky is narfing at him with little to no concern for his mental state.

still, crisis or not, brain has a world to take over. he mentions to pinky that the scentific equipment before them will be “invaluable for his plan to”

“TAKE OVER THE WORLD.” we really do get one per episode, huh.

“you mean you’re going to shrink down all the electronic so only mice can operate them?”

which is a reasonable idea, i think. brain counters it with “don’t be absurd, pinky, there’s no future in minaturisation,” and clarifies that is is big things that strike fear into the hearts of humans.

like that ridiculous legend of gollyzilla. <gay little hands on hip pose>

as pinky ponders whether Kay Ballard is In The Union (sorry, pinky, she’s dead) brain explains that his intent is to alter the shrink ray into a growth ray, to “become a four hundred foot tall mouse and save the world from gollyzilla.”

“but you just. said there was no such thing as gollyzilla, brain.”

“there is now, pinky.”

did we really need another closeup for that line, guys? really? is it not enough to have the mouse say his lines without shoving the camera into his face? must the man deepthroat the camera every time he has things to say?

anyway brain’s plan is to dress pinky up as gollyzilla and “save tokyo” from him. you can tell because the camera angle makes it look like his head is on gollyzilla’s body.

this random man takes a toke from his old timey pipe. “yes, i see.” he says. this is not explained.

as brain reverses the shrink ray into a growth ray, pinky makes his debut.

TADAAAAAAA POIT.

“what do you think, brain? pretty scaaaaaaary, eh?”

“yes, pinky. terrifying. stand by.”

boop.

there probably won’t be a lot left of the lab when brain is done, unfortunately.

but hey! check this out!

“narf.”

“where are you, brain? i can’t see you.”

“i’m down--”

bonk.

well, he’s clearly dead, so i guess that’s this review over.

jokes, of course. lucky for us, brain is still alive, and he has brought a little megaphone with him! awwww.

“now, go on your rampage, gollyzilla!” he’s very hype for that, it appears. pinky tries his best not to disappoint.

NARF POIT I AM PINKZILLA KING OF THE MONSTERS

AARGHGGHGHH RAAARGHGHG ARGH.

it’s this random man again. “yesss, i see.” i don’t know who he is, or why he’s here, and i am scared.

but never mind him. we cut to this adorable straight couple chilling on this bridge.

“i love you, fumiko.”

“and i love you, hershel.”

awwww.

unfortunately, famously heterophobic legendary monster gollyzilla is here. “hello!” he says, cheerily. “i’m on a rampage. narf.”

fumiko and hershel get the fuck out of dodge.

still, pinky’s having fun, and that’s what matters.

though bits of his costume are coming off.

“oooh, i can’t see through this thing!”

“oh.”

“oh no! the giant monster is moulting!”

rip that guy, i guess. upon attempting to recover his lost glove, pinky accidentally spikes his tail on a nearby building in the process.

“egad. i’m all a tangle!”

he gives it a yank, for good measure,

and ends up catapulting himself into the abyss.

the random man is back. “yesss, i see,” he says. what does he want? what is he doing here? please don’t smoke in front of me, sir. i have real bad asthma.

meanwhile, brain is making himself “the largest mouse on earth, and hero of the planet.”

donk.

this frame is terrifying so obviously i’m making everyone look at it.

“people of tokyo! do not fear! i, brainodo, have come to save you!”

i’m not sure they’re convinced. the army have shown up, by this point.

“it’s another giant monster! even more ugly than gollyzilla!”

rude.

brain suggests that, perhaps, he is actually an artificially enlarged labmouse here to save them from gollyzilla, and maybe they could thank him by making them emperor.

the military do not agree.

so, yknow, maybe it’s best that he goes to look for pinky.

“how can i save the city from gollyzilla with no gollyzilla!” yells brain, as he steps on a school bus and either, 1, kills like 40 children, or 2, ruins the setpiece for melanie martinez’s 2019 music video “wheels on the bus.”

(no one’s watching us don’t give a fuck wheels on the bus ou ou)

anyway it’s a good thing that pinky has decided to spontaniously burst out of this lake. man’s really commiting to the role, huh.

again, he’s having fun.

brain is less impressed.

after admonishing pinky for running off,

brain reminds him to “make the battle look realistic”. their plan, of course, depends on it.

TAKE THAT, YOU HORRIBLE BEAST

ouch.

pinky sure is putting a weird amount of effort into this battle. and pyrotechnics??? yeah.

bonk.

bonk.

yeet.

as brain unflomphs himself, and prepares to strike back, pinky comes over to see what’s going on.

“scuse me, brain.”

“go away, pinky. can’t you see i’m fighting with pinky?”

“oh, but. wait.”

“how can you be fighting with me over there, if i’m over here?”

“it’s a very simple principle, pinky! it’s because!”

“that’s the real gollyzilla.”

and by the looks of things, he’s not very happy.

conclusion:

pinky’s first instinct, upon seeing The Real Gollyzilla (please stand up, please stand up) brandishing a building at them, is to pick brain up and flee in terror.

it’s very cute. he just scoops him up and nopes him away. not today, gollyzilla. not today.

gollyzilla, unfortunately, seems pretty bloody determined to make it today.

unfortunately, in his quest to deliver brain to safety, pinky walks right into a pylon.

bonk. they fall over. ):

and unfortunately, they fell directly onto what was once acmeshito labs, which activates the growth ray in the process.

it’s this guy again.

who are you??? what the fuck do you want?? why are you just smoking your pipe and looking at me like that and saying yesss, i seeeee. what do you see??? did the newslady send you??? what do you want from me??????

he gets shot by the growth ray. good. die.

the mice, as you can imagine, are not having a great time of things right now.

gollyzilla is fully prepared to bonk them on the head.

but oh! what is this?

random man? is that you? are you our hero, random man? is this your redemption arc?

do you see now, random man? what do you see?

well, he just yeeted a building, so jot that down.

he seems to be preparing himself to yeet gollyzilla, too.

same.

the mice duck out of the way as the fearsome creature is launched like an olympic sport. good thing tokyo 2020 got cancelled, i guess.

air lizard. nyoom. unfortunately they land on the remains of acmeshitu labs,

and nudges the growth ray in the process.

it goes a bit haywire.

the mice look on, perturbed, as it starts firing at random objects.

like this building.

and that fire hydrant.

and that building.

and this, uh.

city?

um????

oh dear.

at least acmeshito labs is going back in for repairs.

“it’s a shame we’re not giant any more, brain.”

“we are, pinky. unfortunately, so is everything else. our relative smallness remains.”

alright. that’s the end of that one, i guess. that’s going down as a solid outside influence.

brain: 5 ½ pinky: 6 ½ outside influence: 11

brilliant, brain!

but oh, wait, no. is earth like, 400 times its’ previous size, now? surely that can’t be good for the universe????

what are your thoughts, bbc science focus?

well. that’s not good.

[onigirisuna]

blue ivy

a contribution for @zutaramonth, quarantine edition, day 15: trust. view my other work for zutara month (quarantine edition) here.

this isn’t sad this time, i promise!

modern au. cw: cursing. long fic ahead.

“See those other morons over there?” Toph says; she lowers her voice down to a pseudo-whisper. “They’re stupid as fuck.”

Akira coos in response. Toph continues her rocking back and forth, tickling her belly as she says, “Yeah, that’s right. I’m gonna be the dopest auntie you’ll ever have. You know that bitch, Martha Stewart? She won’t even know what’s coming for her.”

“Two strikes, Toph,” Katara says with her arms crossed. “I gave birth three days ago and now my baby’s gonna say fu– the f word before she says ‘mama’ or ‘papa’.”

“No, Katara,” Toph says, still cradling the now-sleeping Akira in her arms. “She’s gonna say y’all are fucking wussies when she realizes how lame her parents are.”

Katara rolls her eyes, too tired to argue with the blind girl. Toph deposits the sleeping child in Katara’s outstretched arms; as Toph unfurls her arms from the infant, she says, “I’m tellin’ you, Sugar Queen. I’m out here being Solange Knowles while you guys fight over which Kardashian you are.”

Zuko walks in with a two mugs of coffee in hand. “I think Kourtney’s pretty cool.”

Without looking back, Toph points in his direction. “Exactly.”

Katara smirks. “If you’re Solange, that means Akira’s Blue – making me Beyonce.”

Toph pulls a face. “Your husband just walked in claiming Kourtney Kardashian, so that makes you Travis Scott–”

“Scott Disick,” Zuko corrects her, handing Katara a mug.

“–And he’s pretty problematic.”

“We’re all kinda problematic Toph,” Katara says, her voice muffled as her lips rest on the rim of the coffee cup. 

"Right,” Toph says, reaching for her wallet. “Anyway, gotta go. A precinct proposed another turnover to Major Crimes and I gotta go over it.” Toph gave both her friends side hugs before making her way to the door. Katara sees Zuko wince from the force of her grip and Akira smiles at the warmth.

“Thanks for breakfast, guys!” she says over her shoulder, closing the door behind her. Katara and Zuko stare at the door for a few moments.

“You want Toph to be Akira’s godmother,” Zuko says, raising his brow at her. “Do you really trust that she won’t drop our kid head-first?”

“Shut up, Jay-Z. Beyonce didn’t make a whole diss album for you to tell me what to do.”

Akira cooed, seemingly in agreement with her mother.

—

“Oh my spirits, Zuko, Akira’s lustration rites is three months away and we haven’t decided on her godparents,” Katara says, frantically pacing around their room. Zuko mumbles in response as he hunches over the latest bill on economic reform.

“Are you even listening to me?”

Zuko shoots his head up. “Kat, calm down – three months is more than enough time to choose her godparents.”

“No, it’s not, Zuko!” Katara says, pulling at her hair. “We still have to figure out the arrangements, the celebration afterwards–”

“The Fire Sages have that sorted for us, Kat. They’ve conducted thousands of baptisms of fire before,” Zuko says pointedly, returning to his work. He keeps his head down as he mumbles, “For all I know, they’re immortal and feed off of dying royals.”

“What? I didn’t catch that,” Katara says with her arms crossed. Zuko sighs and rubs his eyes, saying, “Nothing.”

Katara rolls her eyes. He continues, saying, “You know, the best set of godparents for Akira would be the ones we trust her life with.”

Katara huffs and keeps her arms crossed. “Well, I already have a list. Could you at least help me with that? I need to add more people.”

That wakes Zuko up. “How many godparents do you want our kid to have?”

Katara pulls out a sheet of paper from her own desk and slaps it onto Zuko’s. Zuko’s eyes widen.

“Akira‘s gonna have twenty godparents?” Zuko asks incredulously. “And you want me to add more?”

“You’ll never know, Zuko,” she says, biting her lip as she resumes pacing around their room. “We need more people to protect her.”

Zuko lets out a laugh. “We’re friends with the world’s largest leaders, Katara,” he says with mirth. “Three of them would be twenty to anyone else.”

Katara juts out her lip in thought as Zuko’s words sink into her; he gets up from his desk and gathers her into his arms. “Besides,” he says. “There won’t be enough people for the next baby.”

Katara untangles herself and places her hands on her hips. “Yes, there will.”

“No, there won’t, Kat. You’ve already listed my friends,” he says, grabbing her list and pointing to top. “All six of them.”

—

A few days later, Sokka bursts through Zuko’s office in song.

“Am I original?”

Sokka is met with silence.

“Am I the only one?”

The silence continues.

Sokka gives Zuko an exasperated look. “You’re supposed to sing yeeeeaaaaah after each question, Zuko.”

“I know.”

With that, Sokka starts laughing and Zuko breaks out into a smile. When Sokka comes up to Zuko’s desk, they bump fists and shake hands; Zuko leads Sokka to the chair in front of his desk. “So,” he says, settling back into his own chair. “What brings you back here? The lustration rites are still three months away.”

“I thought I’d stop by before I head over to Republic City for the Union’s Economic Council,” Sokka says, inspecting his boomerang. “You’re coming, right? Aang’s gonna be there.”

“I wasn’t going to,” Zuko admits. “I was going to send over my minister for economics. With the reform bill we’ve been reviewing, though, I feel a hell lot more inclined to go.”

Sokka hums and looks at Zuko when he says, “How bad?”

“They won’t let go of the dead war factories and they aren’t getting any cheaper.”

Sokka winces. “Yikes. Be careful, though, the Council might kill you if you raise that.” Zuko nods somberly with the thought.

“I won’t actually be there for the Council, Sokka,” he says, folding his arms over the table. “I’ll just show up because I have to. I’m actually going to Republic City because I need to have a talk with Kuei; they wouldn’t let go of the war factories because of foreign investors from his country.” Sokka nods his head in understanding.

An attendant knocks softly on the door. “Come in,” Zuko says.

“Dinner is ready, Sir,” she says. “Lady Katara and Lady Akira are already in the hall.”

“Is there an extra setting for Chief Sokka?” Zuko asks. The attendant blanches and wrings her arms behind her back. “N-no, Sir, I’m afraid we haven’t prepared for the Chief’s arrival.”

Zuko softens; Mira, the attendant, is new and was handpicked personally by Katara. “It’s fine, Mira. The Chief didn’t make his arrival known,” he says, throwing an accusing look at Sokka. Sokka shrugs. “Please tell Tako and the rest to prepare an extra setting and a room for the Chief. He will be spending the next couple of days here.”

Sokka starts. “Wait–”

Zuko holds up a hand. “That will be all, Mira. Thank you.”

Mira bows and leaves the room, closing the door behind her.

“I already booked a hotel, Zuko,” Sokka says, leaning back on his chair as he feigns disappointment.

“Ask for a refund, then,” Zuko says, getting up from his desk. “I know your cheap ass is glad you don’t have to pay for accommodations.”

Sokka gets up from the chair. “You are the best brother-in-law.”

Zuko smiles. “And you,” he says as claps his best friend on the shoulder, “Are going to be Akira’s godfather.”

Sokka’s jaw drops and Zuko backtracks.

“I-if you wanna be, of course.”

Sokka throws his arms around Zuko in response.

—

Much later, Sokka runs into the common room carrying a wailing Akira in his arms. “I swear I didn’t do anything,” he says. “I promise it isn’t my fault that she hit her head with a boomerang.”

Katara and Zuko shoot up from the couch. “She what?!”

“She was playing with Boomerang! I was showing it off, but then she reached out for it and bonked her head in the process,” Sokka says defensively. Katara picks up Akira from her brother, inspecting her for any injuries.

“In what world is it okay to play with a boomerang with a three month-old baby?” Katara asks, trying to soothe the crying baby.

“My world, Katara! Matok and Kira love Boomerang!” Sokka exclaims, throwing his hands up for emphasis.

“Sokka, she won’t even remember the names of her cousins because you shrunk her walnut brain,” Katara says, giving Sokka an accusing look. Sokka barks out a laugh.

“Kat, you’re being too generous. She’s related to me, remember? Her brain’s probably pea-sized, tops.”

Katara hurls a pillow at him.

Akira coos and smiles against her mother’s shoulder.

—

Aang visits the Fire Nation one month before the lustration rites.

“What’s up, little buddy?” he says, picking up Akira from her crib. Akira starts to giggle when she sees her uncle, and Katara smiles fondly at the sight.

“Are you here for another meeting with Zuko?” Katara asks, carrying a tray of durian tarts as she makes her way to Aang.

“Kinda?” Aang says, lilting his voice up. “I’m actually here to talk to his minister of economics, about the dead war factories.”

“Namato? Poor guy,” Katara says. “He’s smack in the middle of Zuko and Kuei’s hot shots.”

“I know,” Aang says, lightly pinching Akira’s nose. “Kuei’s not the bad guy though.”

“We know,” Katara responds, setting two durian tarts on a dessert plate. “That’s another poor guy.”

Aang hums in agreement; he starts reaching for a tart just as Zuko walks in. Aang takes a bite off the tart and pretends to offer some to Akira.

“What’s up, buddy?” Aang says, greeting Zuko with a bright smile.

“Could be better,” Zuko responds, sulking as he sheds his suit jacket. Sensing an incoming change in mood, Katara quickly attempts to brighten it by asking, “Aang, you’re gonna make it to Akira’s lustration rites, right?”

Aang brightens even more, seemingly oblivious to Zuko’s damp mood. “Of course, Katara! How could I miss the baptism of the first mixed-blood princess of the Fire Nation?” Aang lightly tickles Akira as he lilts his voice with every word. Zuko softens at the sight.

“Well, that, and the baptism of your first godchild,” Zuko says as he settles beside his wife. Aang almost drops the kid in surprise.

“Crap, Aang, watch it!” Zuko cries as Katara kicks his shin. “Ow! What was that for?”

Katara looks at him pointedly. “There‘s a baby in front of us.”

“Yeah, and our friend almost dropped her!”

“Aang would never drop the baby, Zuko. He can’t even drop a spider.”

The sound of sniffling cuts their conversation short; when Katara and Zuko turn around, they find Aang at the brink of tears.

“Y-you,” Aang starts, his voice shaking. “You want me to be Akira’s godpoppy?”

Katara and Zuko give him a look. “Godpoppy?”

—

Three weeks later, Aang is whizzing through the halls of the Royal Palace on an airball; as soon as he accepted his role as Akira’s godpoppy, he declared himself as the lead organizer of the celebration. “Mira, don’t forget to contact the caterer!” he says to the pair of attendants. “Tako, the decorators will be here in six days. You hear me, buddy? Six days. We need the plaza cleaned up before that, okay?”

“Yes, Sir,” Mira and Tako respond just as Aang whizzes past them. They bow respectfully to Katara and Zuko as they come up the hallway.

“What kind of sound system is this?” Aang exclaims, the echo of his disbelief reverberating through the walls.

Katara and Zuko laugh at their friend’s torrential barking, watching as Zuko’s staff scramble about trying their best to keep up with Aang’s incessant demanding. Akira laughs with them and Zuko brushes his nose onto his daughter’s. “He can hire Beyonce if he wants to, you know,” he tells his wife as Akira plays with his hair.

“What do you mean? I’m right here,” Katara says, the ghost of a smile on her face as she points a slim finger to it. Zuko laughs and kisses the top of her head.

—

The day of the lustration rites come, and Akira is placed in the center of a ring of candles. The ceremony is private, with only her immediate family, godparents, and the Fire Sages in attendance. 

The Head Sage says the invocation in ancient Fire Nation tongue, and the ceremony concludes with Zuko bending the candlelit flames; they briefly shoot up in streams of fire before Katara bends water around each stream, evaporating them into the air.

“Congratulations, my lord, my lady,” the Head Sage says, leading a bow. Katara and Zuko bow in response. As the Fire Sages head to the balcony doors to reveal the child to the public, the royal family’s friends and family begin to swarm them. Sokka starts taking photos with his phone.

“Calm down, guys,” Katara says, holding Akira protectively as Aang and Toph wrestle over her. “The people are waiting.”

When the doors open, Katara and Zuko are greeted by a miles-long crowd of Fire Nation citizens. The couple smile amidst the raucous cheer, gracefully waving at the crowd; cameras and reporters are dotted around strategic points of the plaza. 

“I present to you all,” the Head Sage bellows from the parapet. “Fire Lord Zuko, Fire Lady and Master Katara, and Princess Akira!” The raucous cheer magnified, causing Akira to stir uncomfortably. Katara and Zuko wave for a few more moments before being ushered back inside to the hall.

“Hey Kourtney,” Toph calls. Zuko turns around just as Aang and Sokka begin arguing who gets to carry Akira first. “If anyone dare touch little Blue Ivy,” Toph says, pointing her thumb towards the now-sleeping infant. “I will beat them up.”

Zuko smiles. “Okay, Rocky,” he says as he accepts Akira from his wife, who has since moved on to accommodating their guests.

“That’s right, Sparky. I’m Rocky fu–”

“Toph,” Katara says.

“–cking Balboa.”

[yukiwrites]

Their Joyous Marriage

Thank you so much for the support again, @reirevan! I’m weak for marriages and now it’s DIMILETH’s turn!!

Summary: Precisely because Dimitri and Byleth held the highest positions possible for anyone to hold in Fódlan, their marriage was one that would need months of careful planning. Ah, but to finally be able to swear their love in front fo the world... anything would be worth it.

Commission info HERE and HERE!

_______________________________

Even before they returned to Fhirdiad, Dimitri and Byleth already considered themselves a married couple by the eyes of the goddess. They had exchanged their vows at the Goddess Tower and consummated their wedding, but that was all in between themselves. Their own private wedding, so to speak.

In reality, they would still need to go through many a preparation before they could swear their love in front of the world.

First and foremost, Byleth could not go to the capital of the United Holy Kingdom of Faerghus with her beloved just yet -- as newly appointed Archbishop, she had certain duties to attend to at Garreg Mach monastery, just as Dimitri had his duties as King back in Fhirdiad.

Holding their ring hands before parting ways, they promised to meet again back at Byleth's new home: Fhirdiad. She would do everything she could to transfer all of the routes of information of the Church to the capital, where she was going to make permanent residence of. She was the new Archbishop, but that did not mean that she had to live in Garreg Mach to fulfill her duties.

She was going to be Queen of the new Unified Fódlan as well, after all. Accumulating both positions required her to be as close to the capital as possible -- more precisely, right beside her King, at the Royal Castle.

... Of course, those were all the official responses she sent to the allies of the Church throughout Fódlan. Byleth's true, deepest desire was to be kept beside her husband at all times.

Such tall amount of work would surely take a few months to complete -- to meet with the highest-ranking representatives of the Church around the continent not only to introduce herself but to discuss the best routes they would need to take to deliver information; to hear the plea of the people and spread the doctrine of the goddess she knew of, the Sothis Byleth had housed for the largest part of her life... She was about to reform the entirety of what it meant to be a follower of the goddess, basically.

However, she would leave that bold approach to the faith for when she would be properly installed at Fhirdiad -- for now, she only needed to tackle the most pressing matters required of those in a transition of power.

Besides, there was a detail that kept nudging the back of her mind: As Archbishop of the Church of Seiros, Byleth quite literally outranked every kind of priest that existed in their faith. Who would be able to bless her and Dimitri's unions in the name of the goddess if Byleth herself held the highest position?

Of course, Rhea would be the most obvious choice as the previous Archbishop herself, but due to the continuous mistreatment she went through for five years after the fall of Garreg Mach monastery, she was barely able to give her position away before retiring to a deep slumber at the Holy Mausoleum.

Briefly before falling asleep, Rhea had finally revealed to Byleth the truth of her birth, her origin and the reason why she had housed the consciousness of the goddess inside of her. Finally understanding herself for the first time in her life, this new knowledge only spurred Byleth further into longing to be near her husband for as long as time allowed her to.

Which spiraled back into the question of who could officiate her wedding with the Savior King -- two public and named as 'legendary' figures by the folk such as themselves couldn't be united by a simple priest, not even if said priest were the one officially residing at the capital specifically for such occasions.

Seteth wouldn't do either. Although the right-hand man of the previous Archbishop, he was never seen presiding masses outside Garreg Mach, not to mention officiating marriages.

Byleth sighed, exasperated, as she went through a pile of documents. Resting her head on her fist, she peeked under each sheet of paper to see what it was about; sighing each time she did so.

Meeting, meeting, meeting, public speech, class on how to preside a Mass, public speech, meeting with the eastern church, meeting, visiting one, two, three, seventeen villages-

"Wait a moment." She blinked as she finally focused on what was truly written on the papers. "The eastern church... What does this say, again?" She mumbled to herself as she scrambled through the documents to find the letter from the newly appointed Regent of the Leicester region, Lorenz Hellman Gloucester, as he liked to call himself at the beginning of each letter. He asked for Byleth's presence in this endeavor of uniting the Church itself under one same banner much like before, so it could follow the example of the continent.

Well, that was what Byleth had planned from the beginning, but what if... A sly smile started to creep on her lips, making her regain the vigor she had lost as she dove into the endless pile of documents.

One priest or Bishop wouldn't do to officiate the Archbishop's marriage with the Savior King, but what if there were two Bishops from two previously warring factions of the same church?

Byleth was going to have a long and strenuous talk with the representatives of the Eastern and Western Church both, so they could bless her marriage! That would not only be appropriate in terms of rank, but also in terms of unification -- if Byleth managed to bring two known enemies together under the same roof to once again unite their faith in the same goddess, she would have given a full stride towards the direction she wanted the Church to go from now on.

A new glint shining in her eyes, Byleth dunked the tip of her feather pen in ink, bracing herself to write letters all day long.

The first one was to her husband, of course. To let him on her plans for their union as well as to ask him to check what the situation was around the Western Church beside the Rowe territory. In more than a few occasions, Byleth had exchanged blows with them under Rhea's orders, so approaching them with nothing to give but her words would prove difficult.

The second and third ones were for Lorenz and the Eastern Church's Bishop, Deacon, respectively. She also wrote a check list of things she wanted the Knights of Seiros posted at House Edmund's territory to check out once they went out in patrol. She would also send a similar list to the ones posted in Arianrhod so they could keep an eye on the Western Church's movements.

There was a steep, uphill road ahead before she could finally climb up to be married to her beloved, but by Sothis she was going to prevail. She WAS going to marry Dimitri by the end of the year or her name wasn't Byleth Eisner Blaiddyd!

... Well, it wasn't yet, but it was going to be!

Dimitri had to cover his face with both hands to hide his blushing cheeks the moment he read the end of his beloved's letter. On a whim, she had signed it as 'Byleth Eisner Blaiddyd', almost literally killing him instantly. "Oh, but I cannot wait to see you again, my light." He whispered to his hands as he tried to regain his breathing.

He peeked at the letter once again, heat immediately flushing his face. He could see by her handwriting on how boldly she had started it, surely filled with determination after a long time of pondering. The first line, written with such a strong penmanship the ink leaked and stained a bit read as 'My Lion', killing him instantly once again.

"I might frame this," he contemplated as he bonked his head on his desk, a giddy feeling bubbling in his chest. He could barely bear to read it without wanting to giggle like a schoolgirl, his entire body heating in embarrassment and fondness at the same time. Slowly did he reach for the letter to reread it one more time, clutching his chest with his free hand. "No, this is for my eyes only." He pressed his lips into a thin line as he opened the locked drawer of his desk. He would keep it there, close to him whenever he was hard at work.

It would help him cope with her absence, alongside with the ring he proudly wore on his finger. His eyes falling to it, the King smiled fondly, his cheeks still flushed with pink. Dimitri raised his hand to his lips, kissing the ring lovingly. "Separated as we may be, we do this so we can stay together until the end."

Byleth herself could barely be found at the monastery -- she took it upon herself to travel to the most distinct churches of the faith as well as to gather information regarding the opposing factions. Knowing that approaching the Western Church without hearing back from her husband would be a tad too risky, Byleth tackled the Eastern Church first.

Deacon, the Bishop of the Eastern Church, was a meek and reasonable man. His predecessor had died during the war with the Empire, though not because of it, since they couldn't be further from the frontlines. Whooping cough or some other ailment.

The previous Bishop had taken the Eastern Church's mistrust on the Central Church to the grave, apparently, since the negotiations went down so smoothly it shocked Byleth and the Knights she had brought from Garreg Mach. The ones posted at Edmund territory weren't nearly as surprised since they had written as much in their reports, but it was still hard to believe without witnessing it firsthand.

However, despite that tremendous win -- Deacon had agreed to bless Dimitri and Byleth's marriage alongside Abbot, the Western Bishop -- the real fight was still to begin: to convince Abbot himself to go to the ceremony.

Or so Byleth thought. The moment she received word back from Dimitri and the Knights at Arianrhod, she realized that the situation might be easier to tackle than she initially thought.

Of course, the deeply rooted mistrust that described the Central and the Western churches' relationship couldn't be so easily erased, but Abbot, the Bishop appointed to lead the Western Church since the incident back in 1180, had actually been working towards mending that. After the fall of Garreg Mach at the start of 1181 he had put a stop to those plans simply so they could survive through the war, but once Byleth started to make a name for herself inside the Central church after they freed Faerghus from the Empire's hold, Abbot had decided to once again merge the Western Church with the Central one.

Surprisingly good news, really! Even if it took a longer while to convince their respective followers, to have the support of their leaders was a surefire way to fostering understanding between them.

And great timing, as well: Byleth had planned all of her voyages with the goal of having the Western Church be her last stop before moving to Fhirdiad permanently. She had already informed her friends of the former Alliance of her marriage so they would be prepared to leave a month open once they arranged everything. She also wrote a few advance letters to the ones she couldn't visit -- Bernadetta, Ferdinand, Dorothea, Caspar... While her business didn't take her to the former Empire region, Byleth still wanted her companions to be there during the most important moment of her and Dimitri's shared life.

Overjoyed but exhausted to the point of being burned out, Byleth returned to her temporary quarters in Arianrhod to rest, her heavy body contrasting with her light soul and heart. She was just one step closer to being with Dimitri again after five long months or running here and there.

"Just one more step," she mumbled as she finally tucked herself in her bed -- a lonely, too big of a bed. "Then we can be together forever," she sighed longingly, her eyes so heavy she barely made an effort to fall asleep.

Unbeknownst to her, Dimitri had stolen away from the capital in a blind eagerness to finally meet his wife again -- according to Dedue, his known accomplice in letting the King escape from his duties, Dimitri had been so antsy as of late he was barely useful in whatever he did.

If only Byleth had stayed awake for another hour, she could have met Dimitri in the flesh, but alas, the moment his exhausted horse arrived at the gates of the fortress, the Archbishop had already given in to fatigue.

"Your Majesty! If you'd given word of your arrival, we would've prepared your quarters-" A knight from House Rowe scrambled to find the words to direct to the sudden appearance of his King, but Dimitri could barely hear him.

"No matter, good soldier. Just direct me to where the Archbishop is- where the future Queen is located." He almost ran inside, knowing that Byleth would be at the noble wing of the fortress, though relying on the man to point which door he should open to finally meet his beloved.

"Future-" the man stuttered, freezing in place. "A-at once, Your Majesty! This way! B-but the Archbishop has already retired to sleep-"

"No matter, I said," Dimitri almost skipped, making the poor knight struggle to keep up. Once the proper way was pointed out, the grand smile on his face almost made it impossible to speak. "Thank you, good soldier. You are dismissed." He said softly before quietly opening the door, disappearing inside of it.

Ah, there Byleth was, wrapped under the covers... And it wasn't a dream, not this time! She was there, she was real; they finally met again!

Barely containing his excitement, Dimitri felt his eye burn with tears, faltering in his steps to the bed. He silently took off his mantle and jacket, placing them over a nearby chair. Then, he took his boots off without even sitting down, bending only when it was time to climb on the bed.

His whole body trembled to the point of worrying that the sound of his thundering heartbeat could wake his beloved up -- how tired she looked! How ragged, how exhausted- how terribly, wonderfully beautiful!

Ah, to gaze upon her features again! Dimitri sniffled with emotion, quietly slipping under the sheets as he laid by his beloved's side. He took a few strands of hair from her face, unsure of what he wanted to do -- to hug her, obviously, but he also wanted to gaze upon her throughout the night, to hear her calm breathing and finally take it in that she was there, with him.

In his un-decision, he decided to simply gaze upon her beauty until either sleep claimed him or left her, whichever came first.

Dimitri thought he would be able to stay up all night as he did many a time before, but simply being with Byleth again made his whole body relax and fall soundly asleep like he hadn't done properly in the past five months.

In the morning, Byleth groggily snuggled into her beloved's chest, her mind still far from catching up with what had happened. She simply dug her face into the familiar warmth, wrapping her arms around his solid build.

Realization hit her so fast it made her jump out of his arms. "Who is- Dimitri?!" She gasped, "what- how-"

Startled by his wife's start, Dimitri sat up almost immediately, although his face was still in the land of dreams. "Hu- Byle- my light-" he shook his head, quickly remembering what had happened. "Oh, My Light, you are finally awake!" Wasting no time, he dove into his beloved's lips, claiming them to himself like the both of them wanted for so very long.

"Mmph...!" Byleth rolled her eyes in pleasure, forgetting how many times she wished for that to happen. To taste his kiss again and be tenderly held by him- oh, what joy!

Once the fog of exhaustion lifted from her mind, she could mostly guess how her husband had found her there, but she was too busy indulging herself into his kiss to speak at that moment.

Finally reunited, the couple could at last work together in preparing for their marriage -- they sent proper invitations to their friends from in and out of Fódlan. Byleth mentioned wanting her dress to be decorated by Hilda, Dorothea and Bernadetta, remembering how good the three of them were with sewing.

It would be special to her to have her former students -- now her allies and friends -- to have an active role in the preparations. She would never have won the war by herself, after all.

Dimitri had bashfully asked for his childhood friends Sylvain, Felix and Ingrid to be his best men and woman, expecting rejection of at least a third of the party. But Duke Fraldarius had actually agreed to it, though his letter sounded rude as always.

"'Don't make me regret it', huh?" Byleth giggled as she read Felix's reply, lying on her husband's lap as they arranged this or that detail of the party inside their quarters.

Dimitri smiled bashfully, "that truly does sound like him, does it not? I am glad that deep down he is still the same boy I befriended as a child."

"Both of you changed," Byleth held two different kinds of sample of laces for the details of the tables overhead, close to Dimitri's face. "But your bond will always be unbreakable, I'm sure of it."

Dimitri chose the lace on the right, nodding as Byleth put it on the 'chosen' pile. "Indeed."

As the big day approached, so did the guests who came from farther away -- Claude arrived with Hilda and Lorenz, bringing gifts and good news from Almyra. The trio never failed to make Byleth laugh with their interactions, bringing warmth into the Queen-to-be's heart.

Bernadetta arrived a few days after, quickly latching onto Byleth's arm. "I-I came to a new place on my own, see!" She stuttered as she followed her former professor around like a duckling. "Although you're here with me as p-promised."

"Thank you for braving through this trip for me, Bernie. I hope I didn't ask too much of you in helping with a few touches on my dress."

"O-oh, don't be sorry, Professor- umm, should I still call you that? You haven't been my teacher in over six years and I'm sure I should be calling you Your Majesty? Maybe Your Holiness? I'm-"

Byleth chuckled. "Just call me Professor if that's easier for you, Bernie. Don't worry too much about it, okay? I called you here because I wanted you to witness this important moment."

Bernadetta lowered her head, blushing slightly. "O-okay. Thank you, Professor. I'll do my best to help with the dress! B-but don't blame me if looks terrible in the end, okay? It probably will..."

"Hah! It's going to be fine!"

It felt as though Byleth had spent the entire year running around from place to place -- which was actually true. She had barely had time to breathe in preparation for the big day, but she couldn't be happier. She was overcome with emotion the first time she tried on her dress, allowing a few tears to escape before sniffling them all back in. Once she saw Dimitri in his outfit testing, she was unable to keep her emotions in check, however.

He looked so radiant and full of life -- so unlike the unhinged man she had found during the war. He was still the same man inside, she knew of it, but witnessing his recovery from this up close was so breathtaking it took the strength out of her body. How she loved him!

Dimitri giggled as Byleth jumped in his arms to steal a kiss, his own emotions overflowing through his eye.

In a blur, time flowed quickly -- soon it was time to walk down the aisle: the cathedral of Fhirdiad was packed with guests from all over Fódlan, the Bishop dual awaiting at the feet of the goddess.

Byleth wore a bright white dress, its ruffles and sleeves skillfully modified by the three young ladies who already sobbed quietly at the front row of the altar. A flowy, lace cape covered her slender shoulders, matching her pair of long gloves as she slowly made her way through the red carpet.

Gustave walked her down the aisle, proud to be the one to hand his new Queen's hand to his King. Once their hands met, Dimitri and Byleth smiled ever so softly it brought tears to that old man's eyes.

"Hey, you're not crying, are you, Felix?" Sylvain whispered by his friend's side as they stood a ways behind Dimitri as his best men.

The Duke flinched, quickly turning his face away from his friend. "What? 'Course I'm not. Go get some glasses."

Ingrid stepped on both of their feet. "Do you want to ruin this ceremony?! Quiet!" She whispered gravely, about to pull their ears.

Abbot glanced at the trio before clearing his throat to start his matrimonial speech while Deacon gestured for all of the guests to be seated.

"We are here beneath the feet of the goddess to bless this couple in marriage..." Abbot started, being followed by Deacon.

"The couple that unified not only our continent, but our faith under a single banner once more."

Dimitri and Byleth exchanged glances, their fingers intertwined into a firm hand hold. "I love you," Byleth mouthed as the Bishops kept on with their speech.

His eyes blurry with tears, Dimitri squeezed his beloved's hand just a little before bringing it to his lips. "I love you, too." He mouthed back, stealing a few 'awww's from the guests who were at the front row.

"... and now, for the Solemn Promise." Abbot finished his part of the speech, raising both hands towards the sky. "Would the couple- ah, you're already holding hands, I see."

Byleth and Dimitri once again glanced at one another, their emotional smiles never leaving their faces.

Deacon extended his hands to the couple, inviting them to place their hand hold over the altar. Once they did, Deacon held them within his own. "Do, Byleth Eisner, consent to this union in taking Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd as your husband, in sickness and health, in poverty and wealth?"

"I do." She replied solemnly, never breaking eye contact with her beloved.

"Do you, Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd, consent to this union in taking Byleth Eisner as your wife, in sickness and health, in poverty and wealth?"

"I do... no matter what comes our way." He replied, his voice cracking.

Both Bishops nodded, Abbot joining the hold with his hands. The both of them spoke at the same time: "May the Goddess in Her magnanimous will strengthen your consent and fill you both with Her blessings. What the Goddess has joined together, let no man put asunder."

"Forever," Byleth's lips trembled as she lost herself in her beloved's eyes.

"Forever." Dimitri mirrored, his hands shaking slightly.

"You may kiss the Queen now, Your Majesty." Abbot and Deacon let go of the couple's hands, each patting on a royal's back.

Dimitri was sure he would be bashful in sharing a kiss with his beloved in front of so many people, but he wasn't. He was so focused in her emerald eyes, glistering with tears; in her peach colored lips just waiting to be kissed... He closed his eye as their breaths intertwined, their lips brushing slightly before they pressed against one another.

Forever. They thought in unison as they embraced for the first time as official husband and wife.

[thornbolts]

My Two Lives Ch. 6 - The Fall of Stormwind

-Art by Stanton Feng from World of Warcraft: Chronicle Volume 2

[Chapter 1: Westfallen Blues]

[Chapter 2: From Student to Hunter]

[Chapter 3: The Doe and the Buck]

[Chapter 4: The Day the Wardrums Came]

[Chapter 5:  Hard Times in a Harder City]

We awoke to a banging at our door. The unmistakable smell of smoke and blood wafted through the open slit in our window. I could feel a faint rumbling under my feet as explosions upset the dust on our roof, soft reverberations mixed with bone-chilling, guttural cries of battle in the distance that didn't belong to Humans.

My pops took his hatchet from the dresser and raised the weapon in preparation to strike as he grabbed the doorknob and twisted it. The man behind it was a teenager, maybe not much older than I was. He dressed in light chainmail with that tell-tale blue and yellow lion on his tabard, a runner for the city guard. His breathing was ragged, and he was covered in sweat, likely from running from house to house.

"King Llane has been assassinated! All civilians are to head to the docks to evacuate! Stormwind is lost!" he yelled as he pointed westward. "Grab what belongings you can carry, and meet the guard over by the ships!"

The runner was gone before we could ask any questions, banging on our next-door neighbor's shack.

I couldn't even say a word before my mother began to stuff sentimental photographs and dried jerky in a burlap sack frantically while she loaded her six-shooter with a shaky hand. I could make out the bits and pieces of her prayers to the Light she mumbled.

Grandpa Julian whistled to my pops. "Greg, take the gun!" He tossed one of our hunting rifles over to him, and my pops caught it by the stock and chambered a bullet.

"Ya need one too, old man!" My pops yelled back, looping his hatchet into his belt and throwing his coat on.

Grandpa Julian smirked behind his grey beard. He reached under his bed, fishing out the largest double-barreled shotgun I'd ever seen. "Who do ya think I am, ya son of a bitch?"

Grandma Ash reached over to slap my grandpa before yelling over to me.

"Rem, catch!" 

I whipped my head toward her voice, and the stock of my own bolt-action my pops gave me came flying toward my face. Luckily, I caught it before barrel bonked my forehead. I chambered a round into the rifle and looped its sling across my shoulders before grabbing my fletching knife.

"We are leaving!" Before I knew it, my ma was pulling me by the wrist with the rest of my family into the street.

I whistled for Bessy. And that ever-loyal golden retriever came running to me. She whimpered as a giant boulder came howling across the sky toward our district.

"Run!" Grandma Ash yelled as she threw me out of the way. Seconds later, that boulder crashed down into the house right beside us. The impact made my ears ring as I struggled to stand and find my balance.

I looked up, and the remains of that demolished house tilted like a falling tree, caving in our own shack. Everything was on fire. More homes along our path splintered as another volley of flaming boulders slammed into them.

All of us started running, weaving through tight alleys and dodging incoming debris. The ground felt unstable, and I nearly lost my footing a couple times. The smoke was getting thicker by the second. I wet my shirt's collar with my canteen and fit the cloth over my face. Despite the filter, my lungs still burned, and I couldn't stop coughing.

An explosion detonated next to me. It was another boulder crashing down, but it felt like the earth shifted beneath my feet and slammed me onto my side. A sharp pain shot up my arm as I tried to push myself up to my feet.

"Rem!" I could make out Grandma Ash's voice through the ringing in my ears as she ran up to me. She wrapped her tight grip around my wrist and pulled me up.

As I stood, my right arm dangled at my side. I grit my teeth and shoved tears back down my eyes. "I think--I think it's broken."

"Ignore the pain fer now, hun." Grandma Ash placed her hand behind my neck and ushered me forward through the streets. I could barely keep stable without falling. My sense of balance was rattled from the explosions booming around me.

Grandma Ash looped my good arm around the back of her neck and let me lean my weight on her a bit. We couldn't afford to stop moving for long. In my daze, I remember the screaming and the battle cries echoing over the utter chaos that was now Stormwind City.

The roof of a building next to us groaned as its supports burned, toppling the entire structure over. The debris collapsed right on top of me. And I think I remember blacking out for a few seconds. I thought I was dead.

I felt heat all around me. I opened my eyes, and I was buried under flaming rubble. My breathing grew ragged. Was I trapped? I could make out Grandma Ash's voice again, calling out to me. 

“Rem! Where are ya?!” 

I tried to scream, but the rubble and roaring fires all around me muffled my voice.

I had to get out, but with a broken arm, I didn't have the strength to free myself. I thought I was a goner before I heard Bessy's barking. She knew my scent, and she followed it despite everything crashing down around her. Her barking went louder as I felt her paws push up against my good arm's shoulder.

"There!" I heard Grandma Ash's voice again.

I can confidently say that Grandma Ash is the toughest woman I know because what she did next was something that I can only describe as superhuman--maybe even a miracle.

I reached toward Grandma Ash’s blurry silhouette, plunging my hand through the blaze and fighting through burns.

"I got ya, Rem!" Hands wrapped around my wrist as she tried to yank me out of there, but the rubble was too heavy.

"Light damn it! Gimme the strength ta save my damn child!" she cursed as she circled around the rubble to me. And with her bare hands, she grabbed the underside of flaming rubble covering me and heaved up with all her might. It must have been the adrenaline, because she lifted that debris off of me and over her head like it was nothing before tossing it away and pulling me out of the burning blaze.

I could see the burns on her hands as she carried me off toward the docks. As Bessy ran beside my grandma, I'll never forget the unmistakable scent of sulfur as I turned my head to the side toward the city walls and watched the green felfire engulf the soldiers up on the battlements.

We were leaving this hellhole but not in the way I imagined.

My family was funneled into a station on the second dock by the sea-side. Soldiers were yelling and trying to herd folks onto ships. I remember hearing that bleating whistle the soldier in front of us blew as another overcrowded ship was let loose into the sea. Ships scattered across the horizon headed north.

I was half-conscious as Grandma Ash sat me up beside the water, where my family who had been in a full-blown panic looking for me. My ma tore a piece of her dress off and tied my broken arm into a sling. Her hands glowed golden as she placed her palms gently onto my forearm. I can't quite describe it, but I could feel the broken bones fitting back into their proper place. 

As the family before us stepped onto the boat, it was now our turn.

Grandma Ash stood me to my feet, looping my good arm around the back of her neck. Grandpa Julian lead our family through to the soldier stationed by the next boat.

"Where... Where’re we goin'?" I lifted my head and asked the soldier.

"Commander Lothar will be leading you all to Lordaeron," she stated as she waved us forward.

"Lordae--" before I could finish my next question, another boulder slammed into the tower by us. Bricks fell like dominos off of the building. I looked over my shoulder, and I could barely see anything but smoke and fire amongst the porcelain city. Everything was already gone.

"Go! Go! Go!" The soldier waved my family through, and we were crowded onto a small boat like sardines on a barrel. Two more soldiers opened the sail and untied the boating knot tethering us to the docks, letting us free into the ocean.

Stormwind quickly disappeared into a small, blazing speck behind us.

Bessy curled herself in my lap, whimpering as she looked up at me. I hugged my good arm around her, placing a kiss on her furry head and scratching her behind the ears. 

I glanced among the faces that shared the boat with us. There must have been two dozen of us crammed onto this small vessel. I thought we'd sink by the sheer weight.

For better or worse, we'd have to tough through sailing for refuge for the next week among the countless other boats to that strange place that soldier mentioned.

Lordaeron.

The name was completely alien to me at the time, but if it was safe, I’d take anything.

[sciencenewsforstudents]

Everything about Wallace’s giant bee is, er, giant. The bee’s body is around 4 centimeters (1.6 inches) long — about the size of a walnut. Its wings spread to more than 7.5 centimeters. (2.9 inches) — almost as wide as a credit card. A bee that big would be hard to miss. But it’s been nearly 40 years since the world’s largest bee (Megachile pluto) was spotted in the wild. Now, after two straight weeks of searching, scientists have found the bee again, still buzzing through the forests of Indonesia.

Eli Wyman wanted to go on a bee hunt. He’s an entomologist — someone who studies insects — at Princeton University in New Jersey. He and a colleague made the hunt as part of a project led by Global Wildlife Conservation. That’s an organization in Austin, Texas, that tries to help species that are about to die out forever.

Global Wildlife Conservation gave scientists money for expeditions to find 25 species that were feared to be gone forever. But first the organization had to choose which 25 species would be hunted. Scientists from around the world suggested more than 1,200 possible species. Wyman and photographer Clay Bolt nominated Wallace’s giant bee. Despite the competition, the bee won out as one of the top 25.

Into the jungle

Wyman, Bolt and two other scientists set off to Indonesia on a bee hunt in January 2019 for a two-week excursion. They headed to forests on two of only three islands where the bee had ever been found.

Female Wallace’s giant bees call termite nests home. The bees use their formidable jaws to burrow into the nests. Then the insects line their tunnels with resin to ward off their termite landlords. To find the giant bee, Wyman and his team hiked through the oppressive jungle heat and stopped at every termite nest they saw on the trunk of a tree. At each stop, the scientists halted for 20 minutes, searching for a telltale bee hole or for one of the insects to emerge.

For several days, all the termite nests came up empty. The scientists began to lose hope. “I think we all kind of internally just accepted that we weren’t going to be successful,” Wyman says.

But as the search was ending, the team decided to check one last nest only about 2.4 meters (7.8 feet) off the ground. There, they found a signature hole. Wyman, standing on a small platform, glanced inside. He gently tapped inside the hole with a stiff blade of grass. That must have been annoying. Moments later, a lone female Wallace’s giant bee crawled out. Wyman says that his grass blade probably bonked the bee on the head.

[keytextsfromkh]

0.2 A Fragmentary Passage

- As I complete year 10 of my new life in the world of Darkness, I realise it's the little things I miss most. Dandelions, sunsets, the smell of bacon in the morning.

- (Why the Cinderella world fell) Because it gave into the most foulest of corruptions: A live action remake.

- So don't expect any of that time travel bullshit from the last game.

- Can I walk like five fucking feet without running into these cum stains of Darkness.

- I guess after 10 years, her mind has dulled to the point where all her memories are only viewable in 480p.

- Boy, that ice cream really was something special.

- (Regarding living in the past) Sure you can, it's what most people do, especially when it comes to video games.

- So much for that "Time has no hold in this realm" theory. Want to take another crack at it?

- I guess since Aqua is from an older generation, she really does believe in the "Hit it until it responds" method. She tried it on Ven a week after he arrived in the Land of Departure and let's just say she had her Keyblade privileges revoked for a month.

- (Not even memories are safe from the Darkness) Yeah, I call it Black Nostalgia.

- (Where do the people go when their world is destroyed) They go to a nice farm in South Dakota with a huge field they get to play around in all day.

- Wow, Ven's really putting on the ritz here. I mean a glass coffin, what's next, a large mausoleum in central Moscow where he can rise and re-establish Communism?

- Don't eat the fiberglass insulation. It wasn't cotton candy like Xehanort said.

- The mirrors are going to rumble tonight!

- I think Aqua was transported out of her own game and into the warp room of a Crash Bandicoot game.

- Yeah but you don't have your friends so you're kind of lacking power here.

- That's kind of a silly thing to say in this series. Most of the main villains are the main characters' own worst enemies. You're not special in that regard.

- So the Phantom is the Youtube comment section?

- And let's all give a big warm welcome to Depression. You're going to love it.

- Oh Jesus, she's talking to plants now. I didn't expect her to succumb to Mark Wahlberg syndrome.

- Ok, that is a pretty fucking metal image.

- So this is what a Dark Mega Flare would look like.

- Well, I could bring up how you bonked Ven over the head with your Keyblade that one time. He wouldn't stop bleeding and crying for hours.

- (Ven, please say something) Prepare for Unforseen Consequences

- I can't think of anything more rewarding than being able to express yourself to others through painting.

- Did you just forget the whole Xehanort thing at the end of Birth By Sleep, I mean it was pretty self-explanatory.

- These are the grunts that R rated fanfic are made of.

- And boy did he really screw that chance up. I mean not one thing he did was right.

- (In Mickey Voice) You have no idea how many babies I had to slaughter to get that portal open.

- Oh we found him, he's just scattered around the place. I mean one part of him is located through a portal in my castle and the less said about the logic regarding that one, the better.

- Yeah but he's fighting the wrong people, he keeps attacking us.

- (Destroyed!Destiny Islands) This isn't the Realm of Darkness, this is just Florida.

- Silas and Riley, those were the names.

- FUCK DEMON TIDE! FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK THIS DEMON TIDE, IN IT'S MOTHERFUCKING ASS!

- It's not Kingdom Hearts, it's Kingdom of Hearts. Sure the name might be a bit off but it's just as good as the original.

- And after 15 years, the long sought answer of why Mickey was shirtless in Kingdom Hearts 1 has finally been provided.

- Hear me roar!

- Who knew Mickey had a thing for dramatic flair.

- Looks like a typical cloudy day in Ireland to me.

- (May your Heart be your Guiding Key) What a load of crock!

- It's like waiting for a bus. Aqua goes 10 years without finding anyone else and then she meets two people almost back to back.

- Even today, on quiet nights, if you listen real hard, you can hear "I am Master Aqua" on the wind.

- And we all know what happened the last time he attempted that. Does "13th Vessel" ring a bell?

- No, remain the Riku I saw in 3D, he was much more enjoyable and snarkier too.

- Yeah, no I can't. I'm a woman and this is current year, the last thing I should be doing is trusting men.

- I hope you like plaid because it's all we had in stock. Oh and the largest size available was medium so better suck it in Riku.

- Did I miss the orgy again?

- Dude, they left 5 hours ago, you were just really slow.

- Maybe we should give Sora a phone rather than new clothes.

- (Sora in the Sleeping Worlds) And you failed spectacularly.

- I'm back to level 1 again. This is what, the 5th time this has happened?

- And maybe a few extras too. I mean if Axel can be popular enough to get a spot on the team, I sure as fuck think Roxas is eligible.

- I'm surprised Sora made it to 16 acting as he does. I mean there's being a dork and then there's being Sora.

- (Having Donald and Goofy join us) I would beg to have it another way.

- I don't know, Riku managed just fine without you.

- Well if that's the tone you're going to take, I can ship both your asses to the Land of Dragons and see how well you do being turned inside out and served with Cranberry sauce.

- (This whole scene is giving me diabetes) I want to puke.

- We'll have to take the backstreets. It might not be safe and we might have to sell Donald's bill for money but we'll make it.

[dj-yukio]

Business Boost

Maekami was cleaning the glasses, preparing to open the bar, even though he knew that there would be little to none coming. After all, ever since Lord Satanick returned from his, to put it politely, endeavours, despite no bunnies dying recently, it had been raining on and off for the past few days. He wished that it would stop. It was ruining his business. But nonetheless, he put away the glasses, sitting down and hoping that nothing would happen in his bar like what happened in the last few days.

Of course, his wish was a long shot, as the door slammed open. The poor bartender sighed, already knowing who it was as he felt a blade pointed at his back. “Ah, Miss Hanten, I would like to advice you not to cleave my body into half like you did last month.” Maekami grabbed a bottle of alcohol from the shelf, not moving from his position as he started to wipe it. The blade’s pressure lightened a bit, making him sigh in relief before the other answered. “Oh yeah? Why should I?” He held out the bottle to his side, ensuring she had a clear view of it. “Mr Gyakuten ordered this specially. Said he wanted to try making Mr Sullivan feel better so he would put up more of a fight. If you made me break it, I’m sure he wouldn’t be too pleased with you.” He heard a huff before the blade was removed fully from his back and turned around to face her. Clearly she was bored since she had picked this particular time to come to the bar. She threw the blade on the floor right at her shadow. “You could just put it back on the shelf, you know?” “A fight would still cause it to break, and I prefer to not take this chance.” “You’re boring. I really wanted to bring them out, but it’s not until a few more days, so it’s all boring.” “Speaking of them, where are your other friends?” He slowly placed the bottle down onto the shelf. “Kurotsuno’s doin’ something, shopping for more chocolate probably. Met followed her cause she wanted to talk about something with her. They said they’ll be coming later though.” Hanten slumped against the counter before bonking her head against it several times. “I’m bored I’m bored I’m bored he said you would be free but you’re not so I’m bored...” Maekami couldn’t help but feel bad for her (even if she wanted to fight him originally). Pulling out a few magazines from under the counter, he placed them next to her before answering the confused look on her face. “Speaking of Met, she left a few magazines here. You can look through them while waiting for them to arrive.” The sound of thunder tumbled outside before he continued. “Which won’t be for a while. Hopefully it’s a light shower.” He turned around after that, going back to cleaning up the bar before he opened it, the only thing telling him that she was taking his advice was the sound of flipping pages. At least that bought him some time before she got bored of the magazines. He was proven wrong about half an hour later, however, when he heard the counter being slammed. Immediately trying to defend himself from any possible attacks, he turned around, only to see that she was deep in thought. “Say, Maekami, the bar’s always almost empty when it starts raining, right?” The question caught him off guard, since Hanten had never displayed any signs of interest in his business. “Yes...?” He answered, curious as he wondered where she was going with this. She held out the magazine that she had been reading and pointed at the page on the left before handing it to him. “See this one? It seems like this is popular with humans. And it seems like the sort of thing that’s popular in our world.” “A maid cafe?” The page had some... very indecent pictures of human girls in extremely tight maid costumes. He didn’t know that Hanten was into such things... Maekami took a mental note never to give Met’s magazines to her ever again. “Well, duh.” Hanten seemed to be smirking as she tilted her head to the side a little, making her attempt to look innocent fail. “Even I know that.” “...why exactly are you showing me this?” He wasn’t too sure about her plan. Her behaviour was very erratic, unlike Anten’s, making it hard for him to predict her. “God, you’re daft.” She sighed before continuing, “If you can hire a few demons to dress up, your business will go up in no time. Then you can get more people to tend to the bar. Then you don’t have to stay in the bar all day. Which means, you have more time and I can finally have a proper fight with you!” At least her reasoning was mostly sound, and reasonable, with only one problem. “I won’t have enough to pay them. And besides, it’s difficult to find people to do such a job.” “Then I’ll help you.” He had to take a minute to process what she had said. “I’m sorry?” “I said, I’ll help you.” She got off the chair, her face having this determined look that he had only seen when she was fighting him with the intent to win. He felt a sudden worry as he started questioning what she meant by ‘help’. “How exactly-“ “I’m going to go buy some stuff since you’re busy. Then we can get the plan going.” Oh boy. There was no stopping her now. He could already see her in the costume, and then Gyakuten was going to have a heart attack, and then he was going to get into trouble. “Miss Hanten, I don’t think-“ The magazine was shoved into his face as she pointed at the several humans. “Quick, pick one of them.” Sighing, he pointed at the one on the furthest left. At least, if he couldn’t change her mind, he could still ensure she was decently dressed. He soon watched her dash out of the bar, wondering what he had gotten himself into. A few minutes before the opening time of the bar, the door slammed open, once again by Hanten who was carrying a few costumes as he had suspected she would be. “Geez, these are all heavy.” She plopped them onto a seat and sat next to it. “You’re really going full steam with it, Miss Hanten?” It was a good thing the paper taped to his face hindered his vision a bit, because he was sure that he would be very distracted. Not that she couldn’t protect herself. “Of course I am!” She took the costumes and threw them at him. “The bar is opening soon, so go change.” ...He had to have heard her wrongly. “You might take some time in changing into it. I wasn’t too sure of your size, so I got a few super big ones. Hurry up, I’ll hold the fort for you while you change.” “But I...” He wanted to tell her that he couldn’t do that. It would be ridiculously embarrassing for him. She flicked her hand at him. “Quickly go and do it! Do you want me to help you to do it?” “Yes?” Maekami |||||||||||||| She huffed and grabbed the costume. “And here I thought you were a big guy who could change his clothes yourself.” Picking what he believed was the largest one, she unzipped it. He felt his sense of dismay growing. Surely she wasn’t going to change in front of him?! At this point, he could easily believe that she would do that, so he turned around, not wanting to see if he was correct. Instead, he felt something go over him. Maekami quickly slid out under the dress, preparing himself to run. There was no way he was going to put that on. “Can you just stay still? I’m trying to help here!” She flapped the dress open, looking extremely determined to win. ——————————— “Hey Maekami.” The door opened up as Kurotsuno and Met stepped in, wanting to sit at the counter before they stopped in their tracks. There was little to no words for them to say as they saw Maekami in a slightly torn maid dress and with several bite marks, looking as forlorn as someone could look when they had a piece of paper taped to their face. Sitting at the counter with several bruises on her legs and a broken arm was Hanten, who waved at them. “Doesn’t he look great in that dress?” She grinned, sporting an even bigger bruise on her cheek as she pointed at her work of art. “Eh? What happened here?” Met asked. She could see that there were some very familiar looking magazines at the side. Surely this hadn’t happened because of them? “Well, I was helping him boost his business. So how does he look?” Kurotsuno stayed amused throughout the rest of the day. Hanten ||||||||||||| “Fine, but you owe me.” She went into the toilet to change, leaving Maekami alone to sigh in relief. ————————————— “Say, Hanten should be there already, right?” “We did tell her we would meet her there, so yes she should be.” Kurotsuno and Met walked towards the bar. The rain had more or less stopped, leaving them to a muddy trail. “I feel bad for leaving her behind.” “Eh, she’d be fine. She’s with Maekami, probably having a fight with him or something.” Kurotsuno opened the door as they reached the bar. “Hey Maeka-“ “Hello hello! Take a seat, take a seat!” Another person in an oversized maid costume greeted them instead. Kurotsuno felt as if she should know who this was, especially since Met looked extremely shocked, but wasn’t too sure who it was as she was ushered to a table. She looked at Maekami at the counter who looked as if he was contemplating his life decisions as he held his face, the paper and its tape that she was so accustomed to seeing on him set aside. Turning back to the maid person whatnot, she asked the question on her mind. “Excuse me, but who are you?” The maid huffed at that question. “Honestly Kuro, all I did was change clothes, and you can’t recognise me.” Then it clicked, and she felt exactly as how Maekami looked. “Hanten, what are you doing?” “Helping Maekami. I want him to get more free time, so I need his business to get better. So, this.” Kurotsuno could only nod, unsure of how she should react. “This was...unexpected. How about you, Met? Met?” When she received no response, she turned around to see the ghost girl on the floor, unconscious with a severe nosebleed and in a puddle of her own blood or sweat.

/////////////////////////////

And now you know why I was dying of laughter yesterday (it was funny to me, ok?)

There is a (very) faint line between genius and insanity

Just goes to show that I have many screws loose in my head

[dcnativegal]

Autumn in the Oregon Outback

It’s autumn here in the Oregon Outback. I’m writing this in mid-December and it surely feels like winter. The snow is so beautiful and stays white. In DC, by day 3 the snow is grey and black.

We started burning wood in the stove right after the equinox. Much of the wood we’ve bought is stacked in the wood shed but then we were away for a weekend and it rained and the wheelbarrow wheel is flat and Valerie’s hand isn’t quite healed from surgery… can you hear the excuses? So, we gather the wood from the driveway AND the shed at the moment. All in good time.

We had a little trouble locating someone who’d deliver wood all the way to Paisley. We were on a waiting list, but I got anxious since wood is our only source of heat. A client knows somebody who knows somebody who desperately needs the work, and next thing we know, we have a pile of wood. When Valerie organized it, she realized it was not quite a cord, and we’d paid $160, which is a lot for a cord, though more reasonable with the 90-minute round trip from Lakeview factored in. We gave him another chance and he gave us than two and a half more cords.  That were not cut quite right. So we have a stack that needs more chopping, and a lot of misshapen bits with tree branches sticking out that make them very hard to stack. We are making do. He was deeply grateful. And we have heat.

When I got up this morning, it was 23 outside and 62 inside. It may get warmer than freezing today, and with my beloved pyromaniac, Valerie, at the stove, it might get as warm as 78. Which means it’s over 80 in the loft if you want to take a nap. I go from wool socks, warm jammies and a sweatshirt to a tank top and shorts in the course of a day. If we ever lose power in winter, we’ll be fine.

Valerie had a medical adventure this past summer in which she woke up and couldn’t get the world to stop spinning. I called her daughter, Hope, an RN at the one hospital in this county, and she met us in the emergency department. The 45-minute ride down to Lakeview with poor Val puking in a bucket was not fun. With a shot of Zofran, she stopped puking, and after an overnight stay to see if she’d had a stroke, an MS flare or “just” loose crystals in her ears, she saw a neurologist to establish care with one out here in Oregon. And it was the neurologist who said, you know you really should see a hand surgeon about those lumps in your left hand. Which hurt when she bonks them. So she did. And the hand surgeon, in Bend, went WHOA NELLY you need those lumps out. Can it wait until after my grandson Adam’s wedding in September? Nope. We’ll schedule the surgery for next week. That’s how fast she came to have 22 schwanomas removed very delicately; they apparently cluster like grapes along nerves. The surgeon had to cut her hand like Zorro because straight-line scars would contract and she’d have even more trouble opening her hand fully. The presenting problem of dizziness turned out to be a temporary issue of rogue ear crystals, but what came out of all the hullabaloo was a hand that no longer hurts.

She’s fine now, and stretches her hand out with the use of heat.

++

Recently, Valerie spent hours with 3 neighbors killing chickens, then defeathering them, and finally putting them in baggies to freeze. For her labors, she got two whole chickens (minus their heads, and innards), and two livers. Valerie does love liver and onions. (The big animal vet she sometimes works for says eating liver is like sucking on an oil filter. I’ll take his word for it and avoid the whole situation.) The neighbors, who’d bought chicks to grow them into meat chickens (not egg-producing ones) now have 35 chicken carcasses frozen for winter meals. Valerie invited me to help. Ha! Ha, ha ha HA!  That would be a no. I did take over our new-to-us poodle named Griffey. He’d have LOVED to smell all the feathers as they were drifting to the ground. The whole business was a revelation. I didn’t stay long. (Shudder.) If I’m going to eat chicken, I need to appreciate where the poor bird on my plate came from. I just don’t need to pluck the actual feathers off myself.

Later that same day, after Valerie’s chicken-plucking and a long shower, we drove to the Lakeview Elks Lodge for a fundraiser for the senior citizen meal program. (The Elks Lodge is the largest venue for big gatherings in the county.) There are 350 senior citizens living below the poverty line. The program serves less than a third of that, and although the meals are offered for free, they are not entirely subsidized by tax revenue, therefore, fundraiser. I’ve come to know the folks at the Senior Center through my many requests for transportation, and they are hardworking, smart women.

Val and I sat and chatted with a husband wife pair we’ve gotten to know from St. Luke’s Episcopal. And then, my coworker, fellow knitter, and Valerie’s primary care provider walked in with her husband. I gestured wildly and they joined our table. She’s the health care person who refers the most clients to me for mental health assessment. I got to know her when I worked in Christmas Valley, those 18 months when I drove north each workday instead of south. She referred clients to our tiny mental health outpost up there. Other things we have in common: she’s a liberal. She’s lived and worked on the east coast. She grew up with a high ACE score (which means, many Adverse Childhood Experiences.) She’s a serious introvert and has a very busy, stressful life in the same clinic that I work in. I admire her very much. Her name is Kathleen.

The Lakeview Senior Center program started and we heard about services to folks 65 and older in the county, which include home delivered meals, transportation to far-flung doctor appointments in Bend and Medford, and daily meals with socializing. Right before dinner was served, there was a loud clatter and thud at the edge of the tables. A man had collapsed. A small group surrounded him. Kathleen asked, is something wrong? Yup. She went over to the man, and stayed there until the EMTs took him out on a gurney to the emergency department. She came back to the table, regretful that she’d had half a beer and had to breathe that breath onto this guy, who’s had trouble with dehydration since his car broke down and he wandered around in the desert for days. Despite the Hebrews’ and Jesus’ success at wandering in deserts, it’s not recommended.

We finally chewed on our tamales, beans and rice, followed by sheet cake. Manley, and Valerie, talk old haying equipment, and tell stories. One of my favorites is about the time when young Valerie worked as a ‘hooker’, that is, she hooked lumber so that it could be lifted by a CAT(erpillar) onto a truck… she tells this story so much better than I do… A guy in a caterpillar hoists her up by large hooks which she holds onto, and he lifts her over to the log he wants her to put on the truck next. She puts the hooks where they go and up goes the log onto the truck.

One day, she’s swinging in the air above the logs still waiting to be loaded, hanging on by her hands, and she sees that the guy running the caterpillar is slumped over the enormous steering wheel. Has he had a heart attack? She swings herself around to see the other crew member to find out if he notices the slumped guy, and guy #2 is slapping the side of the truck in paroxysms of humor. Uh oh. She looks down and her bra straps had snapped and her bra was now visible as a belt around her waist. The caterpillar driver managed to catch his breath and graciously swings her up and over a bush and she drops down. After she’d gotten her bra back up where it belongs, she came out behind the bush and bowed.

A great story. One of many that show how a tough woman gets out of a pink-color trap to work alongside cranky menfolk who learn begrudging respect for this ‘hooker’ and ‘millwright’ and shoe cobbler and… my partner is remarkable …

At the benefit dinner, we listened to the brief explanation of how Meals on Wheels is a program of the triple A which has nothing to do with the American Automobile Association, despite the importance of ‘wheels’ in home-meal delivery, but is rather the Area Agency on Aging. Which is a governmental entity. And that’s all that’s said about that by the director of the program. Because we are in an anti-government, very “red” county. But I know that it’s the Older Americans Act that funds all the ‘triple As’ in the country, one covering every county in the USA. (Since Lake County is the red headed step child of Klamath County, that triple A covers 2 counties.) And I know that the Older Americans Act was one enduring program signed into law by Lyndon B Johnson as part of the Great Society Legislation which also brought us Medicaid and the Voting Rights Act, to name just two more important bits of ‘government.’  

Just ask Valerie. My blood pressure goes up when people disparage ‘government’ around these parts. I know too many very good people who served in ‘government’, how many laws are so deeply helpful to everyone, like the Americans with Disabilities Act, the Affordable Care Act, and the Family Medical Leave Act. How most things that we complain about are due to the influx of corporate control over government, and how reluctant the government is to tax corporations. Campaign finance reform would be the way to drain the ‘swamp.’  

Nevermind. I’m trying to chew all my food and not eat too much of it since my bariatric surgery in April as the evening wears on.

(I will post about the weight loss adventure one of these days…)

I’m glad we went. I’m glad to show my face in support of the senior center. Plus we got to visit with two folks I like. One of whom knew just how to care for a man who collapsed.

The other day, Kathleen walked into my over-decorated office and said, Jane I really need your help. Expecting to hear about a patient who was crying in the examining room and who would soon be ‘warmly handed off’ to me for counseling, I was surprised to hear she needed help with the first couple of rows of a 90-stitch knitting project. Could I cast on? Why of course. “Other duties as assigned.”

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In other news, we are adjusting to life with a dog. Since Valerie’s faithful Westie, Dudley, died about 7 years ago, she’s dog-sat various pooches and lived happily with my 13 year-old cat, Moe. Since Val’s pretty much retired from ranch irrigation, she’s now able to spend time with a dog. She was vocal about wanting some sort of poodle mix, because they are smart. Lake County is full of cow dogs, pit bulls, and lots of chihuahuas for some reason. When her daughter Hope saw a message on Facebook about a family needing to rehome a poodle mix, she signaled Valerie, and next thing we know, we have a dog named Griffey, named after a baseball player. He’d been born 6 years before in Maryland, and flown by a coworker’s father to a ranch here; Erin has a poodle breeding business. Poor Griffey apparently didn’t like being in a herd. That family rehomed him with a young couple who had a baby and worked long hours away from home. Griffey pooped in their bed. So Griffey came to us.

This pooch is very well behaved. Aside from chasing the cat, which we are trying to discourage, he obeys Valerie’s voice, loves going gallivanting in the desert every mid-day, and enjoys the cat food Moe turns her nose up at. We take him with us to town for church, and he sits in the truck, waiting for our return. Moe gets the house to herself for a few hours. We’ve become a family who lives with a dog. His current names include “Nickelplate” (which is cheap jewelry), “poor, sad dog”, Snicklefritz, and “Your dogliness.”

I swear there are 2 rush hours in Lakeview every weekday: one at lunch to let the dogs out to pee, and one at dinner for the same purpose, even if folks are going out to dinner later. The homeless people have dogs; the owners won’t go into subsidized housing if their dogs can’t come, too. Dogs and guns. Everyone has them. We don’t have guns. But we do have Griffey. Currently, Griff and Moe are negotiating how to sleep on their humans without hissing and growling at each other.  This is not going well; however, Moe, who’s never lived with a dog or encountered dogs in her sheltered life, is learning to hiss and swipe, which may be far more effective than us ordering Griffey to resist a primeval impulse to chase.

The other thing I’ve been doing is starting up and nurturing a group of women who knit, crochet, or want to learn. I miss knitting in a group, chatting, sharing stories about anything. These gatherings have been called “Stitch and Bitch”, but there is no bitching that I can tell. Occasional complaints about the wait service at the first venue we tried, which had but one worker and one cook for the entire restaurant. We moved to the bowling alley, a large building that has a cavernous party room with a wall protecting us from the racket of big ball bowling. The food has been better and the waitresses take good care of us. So TJ’s Family Fun Center is where we can be found on Wednesday evenings right after work.

I’m surprised by the enthusiasm, and we’ll see if it lasts. The very first gathering, there were 11 of us, and a couple women came to learn. I’m a pretty patient teacher, as long as you’re right handed. I’ve listed youtube videos in our facebook group for lefties, and lots of projects. Here are a couple that I finished this fall.