#your favorite blog (me) has been having a hard…. decade

[intrepidacious]

❤️ a good time!

tat!bucky’s favorite (or least favorite) thing about twelve

… why not both?

cause and effect

chapter summary: How Bucky fell in love with Twelve: Slowly, and then all at once.

pairing: bucky barnes x time witch!reader

word count: 1.8k

warnings: light angst and negative self talk (this is bucky y'all); some light pining 🤭please note that my blog is rated 18+. minors dni. ageless/empty blogs will be blocked without warning.

a/n: i've literally had this one in my drafts for about two years and i hadn't actually planned on posting it for a while yet but i did promise distractions. and i missed him. i always do.

this is part of the time after time universe but can be read as a teaser and/or a standalone 💚

Bucky’s relationship with time has been fractured ever since a cold day in January that stole away the life he was headed towards and turned him into the monster underneath a child’s bed.

It’s hard to feel good about the concept of time travel once a lot of your own time has been taken away from you. Even now, there’s only so many things in his life he has control over; like the fact that he’s actively choosing to go back to therapy now, or that he’s able to keep a pet for the first time since he was thirteen years old. Stupid little things, like what kind of food he wants for lunch or whether he should take the stairs or the elevator.

Every single one of these things he’s fought for tooth and nail, clawing his way out of the past and carving out his own space in reality again, struggling, trying, hanging on like he wasn’t able to all those decades ago.

He’s probably still failing.

Some days, clinging to the present is tense and brings him nothing but grief. Sometimes, it feels like he’s going to have to mourn the past forever, whatever might have been; and maybe that’s his sentence.

He wouldn’t have wished it on anyone. He deserves worse.

And then there’s you.

Flickering in and out of time, constantly moving, changing in the time it takes him to blink.

It’s infuriating to him, the way you get to use your powers. The way you don’t need to think about consequences, because they don’t have to be permanent, don’t have to be something you need to live with for the rest of your life. To you, time has always been something that can be changed with a single snap of your fingers. Whatever you do can just as easily be undone.

Once you decide you’ve seen enough, you can just take the scene from the top.

And you’re so stubborn.

You’ve already seen how this goes on if you let it, and so you’re always right, end of story. There’s an ease to your steps because of it, a nonchalance in every movement, and it makes Bucky’s blood boil to see it so plainly.

With all the good that you could do, you choose to do nothing instead; to stay out of the picture entirely and burn through your powers just because you can, wasting them all on things that don’t mean anything.

How many lives could you potentially save?

Instead, you consume disturbing amounts of caffeine and then continue to provide running commentary to the world around you based on things that, to him, never happen at all. "Do this", "don’t do that", "take the other one", or, his absolute favorite, "don’t make me fix that".

Why not? he wants to ask, say, demand. Why not fix all of it?

It takes a while for him to realize that all of your fire means you’re burning from both ends. In fact, it takes Becca.

"You should bring her by sometime," she tells him on a rainy afternoon. "While I’m still alive and kicking."

His little sister just turned ninety-eight. Her kitchen sideboard is filled with black-and-white pictures reminding him of all the things in her life that he missed, arranged in perfect little wooden frames.

"And why would I do that?" Bucky asks, scowling at his cards.

"Because you keep mentioning her," Rebecca says dryly and whisks the cards onto her pile with quick fingers.

"You gotta be kidding me," he groans, noting down her points. "And I don’t."

"Do, too. I don’t remember you being this terrible at this game."

"Because I haven’t caught you when you’re cheating."

"Exactly. It’s embarrassing." She wins the next trick, too. "How’s Tuesday?"

"Am I clairvoyant now?"

"I was thinking lunch."

"No." Finally, he gets a couple of points down. When he glances up at his sister again, she’s looking at him expectantly and he sighs. "What?"

"You can’t fault me for being curious," she says. She has just as many opinions as she did when she was sixteen. Her eyes are still the same, too, the same shade of blue as his and the same glimmer of archness as their mother.

"Don’t you think it’s weird?" Bucky says, finally giving in. "The whole … time thing?"

"I think it’s very weird, but so’s you returning from the dead and kvetching about it." Her eyes narrow when he starts to protest. His mouth closes again. "Besides," she continues, shuffling her hand around, "it doesn’t sound all that fun."

"To have the power to never make mistakes?"

"To have to live through every mistake twice without anyone knowing."

Something about her words strikes him like a match, and so he tilts his head and squints at her and thinks that maybe, just maybe, he’s got it wrong.

That you carry not only your past, but all the futures you’ve seen that never came to be; all the what ifs having turned into answers.

And he thinks, how nice. And then he thinks, how horrifying.

It’s a thought that follows him over the next couple of weeks, and it starts reframing your interactions for him, in a way.

"Will you stop staring at me," you say without looking up from your book.

Honestly, he can’t. He’s still trying to pick up on it, the split second between before and after, that little change of your posture, your hair, your face, that tells him more time has passed for you than it has for him.

It’s more of a feeling than anything else, something right at the back of his mind telling him that something is different if he concentrates on it enough, but he’s never sure what it is. And he doesn’t like that; not one bit.

So Bucky crosses his arms and leans back. "Why?"

A flash of irritation makes your nose twitch, even though you still refuse to meet his eye.

"It’s rude, for one."

"Noted." He waits for the two that never comes. "Anything else?"

And there it is. A blink-and-you-miss-it kind of moment, like the air shifting around you ever so slightly, a certain knowing glint in your eyes when you roll them and get up.

"Annoying!"

He can’t help it. He wonders what your original answer was.

***

Bucky’s relationship with time changes slowly, the deepest cuts carefully mending themselves until looking back doesn’t feel like getting his bones ripped apart anymore, until he looks at you on a cold day in January and realizes he’s fucked.

At first, he hopes that it might be a fluke. A trick of the light, maybe, or seasonal allergies. That’s the reason why his eyes are drawn to your face as soon as he enters a room; the closest source of discomfort always the thing he seeks out first. That’s the reason why his chest constricts like that.

But the truth is, he knows this feeling has been building slowly; he’s just been unwilling to admit it.

Something soft and delicate has started to nestle in that gaping hole inside his chest, unbothered by the walls he’s so carefully built up.

He’d never planned on you.

Fuck, if he’d known in the beginning, he might’ve …

No, he thinks. He wouldn’t have changed anything.

Because you’re too good for him, anyway, and he knows it. Smart and strong and funny and gorgeous and capable of things he’s not sure he’ll ever fully comprehend; and it’s worse than that, because he knows you now.

You’re grouchy in the mornings and you make terrible jokes when you’re nervous and you have a strange feud with his cat and your smile makes him want to put his fist through the wall because what is he supposed to do with any of this?

He’s not made for this dance anymore. That part was taken from him so long ago, and he’s delusional to think that anything or anyone could return it to him after all the bridges he’d been made to cross and burn. Why would someone like him deserve to be given tenderness anymore in this life? Why would anyone want to try?

But that foolish thing blooming inside him feels a lot like hope, despite of what he keeps telling himself.

There’s just something about you that keeps pulling him in, and honestly, he’s tired of fighting it. Then again, the thought of you feeling the same is nothing short of ridiculous.

He’s not the same guy as he used to be. Hell, sometimes he’ll look at old photographs and barely recognize himself.

He remembers life before, and maybe that’s what makes this so hard. He remembers talking to pretty girls, their bright smiles, their soft skin underneath his hands. Good times were easy to come by, even though life was hard in a different way, then. But he was good at it; acting on his feelings alone used to be simple, fun, second-nature almost.

It’s different now.

It used to be different only once before, and look where that’s gotten him.

No, he can’t say anything. Not ever; or not yet, at any rate.

Sometimes, though, Bucky lies awake at night and listens to the rain knocking against his window, and he remembers how much easier falling asleep used to be when he had someone next to him and his mattress didn’t swallow him alive.

He’ll remember the dark circles under your eyes and wish it could be as easy as asking, too. He wonders if there’s a universe you remember where he tries, but he doubts it.

These days, he knows his mind again. And it’s not a burden he wants to share.

You have enough to carry on your own.

Maybe, he thinks as he stares up at the ceiling at three in the morning, maybe there’s still a certain comfort in your powers, in knowing all the possibilities, but it also means constantly losing something that’s real; always mourning the life that isn’t.

He can relate to that.

And maybe that means you can relate to him, too, at least a little bit.

It’s odd, how comforting that last little thought is to him.

When he does eventually fall asleep, you make your way into his dreams, too, sometimes. Those times are the worst.

You’re you, and he’s him, and there’s a sort of "us" in the both of you that doesn’t exist in real life. So when you let him lace his fingers with yours and press your lips to his forehead and it feels easy, that’s usually the point when he wakes up, heart tumbling over itself, right hand tracing the ghost of your touch, always too much, never enough.

He knows it’s not real.

He knows it’s just an indulgence; selfish, really.

The problem is that whatever small hope has decided to settle in his very core is impossible to kill, no matter how much he pushes it down; and he’s not sure he wants to lose it again.

Secretly, silently, serendipitously, you make him have faith in the future again.

But it’s not time for it yet.

if you want to read more about these two (plus a lot of time related shenanigans), read the main series here. or check out the rest of my bucky fics, that's also an option 💚 i don't do tag lists but you can follow @intrepidacious-fics for update notifications

[jetra4ivor]

3-4 of my posts regarding the Minecraft Movie have gone viral. And as someone who has never had a post go viral before I gotta say…

I do not like it.

Maybe on other websites it’s not a big deal, but here on tumblr it is a nightmare.

The biggest issue is that it’s really hard to filter the reblogs and be able to respond to things. If I’m like scrolling down through the reblogs to see what people are saying or writing, the SECOND a new reblog or like comes in tumblr INSTANTLY jumps me back up to the top. Because tumblr wants me to see that someone new is reblogging my posts.

And when you’re only dealing with 1 or 2 new reblogs or likes every few minutes or hours… not a problem.

But when it’s literally multiple times a SECOND? Omg… I can’t scroll down. I can’t keep up. It’s just CONSTANTLY snapping me back up to the top and I can’t scroll through anything and see what people are saying!!!

I was hoping after a few days it would slow down… BUT IT HASN’T. The only way I’ve been able to respond to anything lately is by manually finding the individual posts or reblogs themselves and scrolling through the comments there instead.

The second issue is that tumblr keeps your post as it was reblogged. Even if you edit the post later to fix a spelling or grammar mistake, tumblr keeps the incorrect version of the post if that was reblogged before you corrected things.

And for example, in one of the viral posts my phone auto corrected “Piglins” to “pigeons.” And I didn’t notice it at first until the post was well into being viral and someone pointed it out. But even after I corrected the mistake, it had been reblogged so many times now that the incorrect version is all anyone sees. So I’m still getting people telling me I wrote it wrong LONG after I already fixed it 😭

I post primarily about gay MCSM content. Specifically involving female Jessie and Petra. I don’t generally post about other Minecraft stuff, as I try to keep my blog focused on MCSM related content. I probably wouldn’t mind too much if going viral meant more people saw some of the gay MCSM content I reblog or talk about…

But none of the viral reblogging has transferred over into any of my other posts. Which is sad because one of the viral posts is about people talking about how good MCSM is. After nearly a decade of people talking down on MCSM it’s so fantastic to see so many people stepping up and defending it and saying it was good… but none of that positivity is spreading into any of my other posts about the game!

You guys actually liked MCSM? Please… come into the MCSM fandom! Inject your love of the game into this fandom! We NEED you here! We’ve felt so isolated and small! Where have you all been? Why won’t you join us here and create new art or talk about your favorite characters or moments?

Why hasn’t any of my viral success transferred into more fans of the game joining the MCSM community? 😭 It’s so gratifying to see the love of MCSM in the comments to the Minecraft Movie trailer… why isn’t that resulting in more people coming into the fandom on tumblr?

Don’t get me wrong… it’s nice that people liked some of my posts enough for them to go viral. But the way tumblr works makes going viral really difficult to deal with and I’m not seeing the cross pollination of MCSM fans into any of the OTHER posts I’ve made about MCSM!

I just want more people talking about the lesbian block people! You came here for the Minecraft Movie Trailer dissing… please stay for the lesbian block people!

[slashthrashandcrash]

I've been looking at the slasher x final girl oc's (and I love all of them) I was wondering if you'd give us anymore details about them, their first interactions and basically any thing interesting you'd be willing to tell us?

(I'm obsessing over your characters and knowing what little I do about them is making me mentally ill, especially the stranger, he reminds me of my favorite slasher (Jason) quite a bit)

I'm so glad you're enjoying them!! It's been a while since I've used 'em so it's been fun dusting them off from time to time--

Ashley and the Stranger are meant to be a homage to 80's horror in general, both the classics and the cheesy. The first time they met was during freshmen year at a frat party, although Stranger had seen her around campus a few times prior. She was drunk, but still friendly and wanted to get to know him a bit, even warning him to be careful because frat hazings these days were getting so ridiculous and she'd hate to see him get hurt.

By the next day after she sobered up, she completely forgot about the interaction and probably didn't even bother to get his name. The fact that all records of him being a student disappeared shortly afterwards didn't help, it was like he never existed to her after that night. But he never forgot their brief time together, that pretty little cheerleader who was the only one ever concerned for him...

Constantly dying and coming back as a vengeful killer only worsens his insanity with each "sequel", including his warped obsession for her. Each time, he's more hellbent on having Ashley, convinced they're meant to be for no other reason than she was nice to him for like 10 minutes years ago. He doesn't even register her fighting back or stabbing him or setting up traps, he's so blinded by his infatuation despite Ashley having no clue that they've met before.

Francine and Ripper are newer OCs, but they're a lot of fun because my girl is just so great to torment (:< I've braindumped so much about them to Blob--

They met while Francine was working on the scripts for that latest series of a semi-popular true crime podcast about the unsolved slayings of the Northshire Ripper (about 3-4 episodes). She started getting these emails from an anonymous account that was praising her writing and storytelling, so impressed with her level of research and details and how well she wove everything together, especially the observations she made on the murders. It was genuinely her first piece of fanmail, some actual recognition for all the hard work that goes into being a weekly ghostwriter that's often overlooked. She's thankful and beyond appreciative that someone would take the time to send her a thoughtful email, how sweet! (:

And of course, eventually the segment about the Ripper ends and the show moves on to cover another killer or disappearance or solved case, and Francine is back to researching at the whims of the cohosts. Her favorite fan starts emailing her again, asking why she's stopped writing about the Ripper when there's still so much more she could cover, more things she could go in depth on. These new cases are so overdone. The podcast hosts butcher her show notes half the time anyways (she posts the full version on their blog which is the only place she has a shred of credit listed), can't she just write more episodes for the Ripper instead? Please? No?

Well...good news, little lady! You know that serial killer you covered a while back, the one who was never caught, the one who seemingly disappeared after years of bloody terror? Wouldn't ya know it, he's finally come back after a near decade hiatus, creating human art pieces with newfound inspiration! Isn't that great, now there's so much new material Francine can work with to write show updates about him, especially while it's such a hot topic in the media. Now write. What's holding you back? Is this not good enough? Do you need more inspiration of your own? More personal? A demonstrative interview?

Anything to help out his favorite fellow creator~

[galedekarios]

I really appreciate you defending our boy so valiantly and with such well thought out, concise arguments! As someone who has ADHD, and has struggled with depression my whole life, I immediately latched onto Gale bc I see so much of myself in him!! There is SO much to love about him and he's one of those characters that helps me be more compassionate to myself (self recognition through the other for the win!) so seeing fans constantly shit on him is disheartening and really annoying, but to see the actual DEVELOPERS talk about "yeah that guy sucks he's SO annoying everyone would be better off if he had just killed himself" is.....ooof.

BUT thankfully when I start feeling really upset we've got blogs like you to ride to our favorite wizard's defense and help celebrate all the things we love about this beautiful, complex character! I hope one day we won't have to work so hard to push back against this negativity towards Gale (and any character that isn't that one who fans and devs have deemed perfect and flawless and the only one that matters...) but as long as we do I appreciate all the work and passion you put in to raising up Gale of Waterdeep!

(and sorry this went on forever I just get really discouraged in this fandom sometimes but seeing your posts always build me right back up and I wanted to let you know what a bright spot you are in my bg3 experience! ^^)

thank you for sending me this message! 🖤

i normally try to ignore these things because at the end of the day, they are meaningless.

but... not only does this come from the devs, but this hit a bit too close to home for me as well.

i've been struggling a lot with depression myself for the better part of a decade now.

i'll try to put my feelings into words bc how they have chosen to respond here and the message they are sending actually upsets me. i know i'm repeating myself at this point so sorry for sounding like a broken record myself, but:

gale is clearly coming out of a depression & self-isolation & struggles with suicidal ideation.

there is absolutely no sugarcoating that.

despite that, once he has no choice but to travel again after he's been abducted by the nautiloid, or perhaps because of it, he can't help himself. he can't isolate himself again. he's happy to talk and connect with not only the protag, but also the companions. he talks a lot, he cooks for them, and yes, sometimes he can be overbearing. he tends to overexplain. he corrects himself for talking too much, being too much. he's very aware of that perception of him and it's still an insecurity of his by the time the epilogue rolls around. it's in the devnotes. it's in the way he thanks the protag for encouraging him to attend the get-together at all.

i thought (foolishly, apparently) that at least the people who created the game and who are colleagues with gale's writer, had the emotional maturity and intelligence to recognise that and also see how that could be something a part of their player base emphasises and connects with.

gale being described as the one who annoys everyone and him dying as the "right" ending, as making up for being perceived as "annoying" by those around him, "inconveniencing" them by being ill and asking for a treatment, and his death being contextualised as "giving" back "to the world" is just...

it's so fucking disgusting to me.

[shiftersroom]

hi thala! 💞 so sorry if you don’t accept this kind of asks but i just feel like i need to vent and your vlog is always reassuring and comforting.

currently i’m in this situation where i just want to get out of this cr and permashift to my dr asap, but it seems like i can’t stop self sabotaging myself and i’m so so tired of it. last night i was crying my heart out because of how bad i felt about it. i’ve been practicing meditation so i can enter the void and even though it seems like i learned to keep my mind awake and body sleep i haven’t been able to get past that and it’s so frustrating. i know there’s tons of methods and also everyone says i don’t even need one but i idk why i have this idea that i need some method to detach from my cr really printed on my mind. for the self sabotaging part, i can’t help but have trust issues regarding myself and the community, sometimes it’s my intrusive thoughts making me doubt about shifting being real/posible and other’s successful experiences (saying it must have been a lucid dream or they are just making it up and i really HATE and feel guilty to discredit their experiences in that way 😭) and other times my belief in shifting is unwavering but i don’t feel capable of it. i'm not even the kind of person who has ever had any “closer attempts” or mini shifts and has been really hard for me to find what works best for me, meditation is by far what i’ve been trying the most but i’m just so impatient that sometimes i can’t help but feel that i’m going nowhere. my mind is really so stubborn when it comes to trying to change negative thoughts.

sorry for all of this, i don’t have shifting friends or someone i can share this stuff with. i don’t usually tend to feel this way but last night i just kinda collapsed, it crossed my mind that maybe i'm wasting my time and that i should just give up but i don’t want to, if this shii is real i need to experience it no matter what. i want to be with the ones i love and live the life i want. i don’t want to stay here any longer. i want to try loa along with shifting but then again, my intrusive thoughts say that i’ll be just gaslighting myself and all that.

i know no one else can fix these problems for me, but i’m so scared of failure or just being delusional for believing in all of this. sorry again for the long vent, i needed to get this off my chest. love you and your blog so much thala. if you don’t really want to accept this because honestly is like a long ass and probably demotivating ramble it’s totally okay, but thank you for taking the time if you do. hope you keep being happy and having success with everything you do. 😭🫶🏻

hello 💕 please feel free to vent, i don’t mind.

i completely understand your level of frustration, i badly want to permashift too and i have little breakdowns every few months once it catches up to me that nothing has fully worked yet.

the void can take a long time to perfect. i mean monks spend decades learning to meditate! why don’t you try something other than meditation? if you’ve given it a good go and it hasn’t worked, it’s probably not the method for you. i recommend a short break before trying a new method. rn i’m writing an affirmation 100 times a day. but honestly if that doesn’t work i’m straight up gonna lay there and visualize for 8 hours every night. i’m getting out of here no matter what.

try asking yourself what you think will work for you - sometimes we know the answer but we need to sit down and think about it. for example i keep doing affirmations, or short visualizations. but i feel what will make me shift is just laying there and telling myself to stfu and visualize until i’m there, even if it takes hours.

as for the self sabotage, i cope with that by watching my favorite creators and realizing that no one in their right mind would upload years of unpaid content that most people would ridicule us for, all for it to be a lie or joke. especially older shifters. and the other thing i like to do is remind myself that if i shifted and came back, no matter how ridiculous the experience was it’d still be real - so even if you don’t believe someone bc it sounds outlandish, it can still be real.

i’m also scared of being delusional but i simply cannot and will not remain here. there is no other option for me, so i’ll persist forever. the first time i shifted i had no idea id shift. that keeps me motivated, i could feel awful and still wake up in my dr tomorrow.

forever posting this reddit post by someone who shifted after 5 years, this was my fave comment of theirs:

and that motivates me even more - even if it’s fake i’m gonna make it real.

i also struggle with trying to change negative thoughts and my mindset, i’m in my mid 20s this stuff is harder to believe in at this age, and my mind has been tainted by years of bad experiences. but as hard as it is i’m forcing myself to get over it and try everything, bc i just need to shift once and all my bad experiences will be over.

i’m sorry if i gave you a big rant in return haha, but i hope this helps!! 💕 i’m so happy you like my blog and thanks for your sweet words 🥹

[booksandabeer]

Hey,

I love your blog and I love how much work you put in when someone ask you to recommend fics for them, you’re truly beyond AMAZING! Just getting that out of the way.

And now, can you please tell me your favourite underrated stucky fics. I know this might be too big of an ask because there are SO MANY out there, so just tell me a few if you don’t mind.

Thank you so much ❤️

Hello Stranger!

Thank you for the ask and your very kind words! ❤ It's so nice to hear that people like my rec posts because they really do take a surprisingly large amount of time to put together. Anyway, I'm not complaining & this is a lot of fun for me, so on to the recs!

I struggled a bit with how to define "underrated" and I think everybody has their own ideas of what exactly that means. Also, the Stucky ship has been around for more than a decade (even longer if you count the comics), so creative output and reader interest will fluctuate and ultimately decline over time. A Stucky fic posted after 2019--no matter how insanely good it is--will never do the numbers it would have done in the Golden Age of 2014-2018. So, for the purpose of this list, a fic written in 2016 with 15K hits or less does qualify as underrated, while a fic posted in 2021 with 10-15K would not.

Also, as always, this list is by no means an exhaustive one.

the wrote and the writ by declanlynchsrack | G, 10K

Author's summary: Bucky’s crying before he’s off the boat and he’s the least surprised out of anyone to realize it.

He’s always been a softie, a leaky faucet, and the war hasn’t changed that, so he doesn’t know why the sob that smacks him startles him bad enough that he grips the strap of his bag doubly hard, ready to swing it around like a battering ram, ready to find that cloying, invisible enemy. He’s not being ambushed, on his belly in the muck and camellias, cypress hanging low, moonlight casting an eerie smile upon Lake Como like it’s enjoying the hell out of muffled gunshots and the wet grunt of lifeblood spattering onto the undergrowth.

That’s done. He’s safe.

An AU in which Bucky--minus one arm--comes back from the war and Steve never got to go, and never became Captain America. A scrappy little story that is at once full of emotion and yet completely unsentimental. This story socked me on the jaw, tackled me to the ground, and then sat on me while twisting, twisting, twisting my arm behind my back. It also has one of my favorite descriptions of the SteveBucky dynamic I've ever read: "They’re all roughed up, the two of em, a pair of old marble statues weathered by time and harsh touches, but they know each other’s chinks and foibles and can side-step them with grace while still treating the other about as delicately as they’d handle a sack of potatoes." !!! If you prefer, you can also listen to it here: [Podfic] the wrote and the writ by quietnight

Hollywoodland by romanticalgirl | E, 69K

Author's summary: In 1930s Hollywood, the world is run on the studio system. Stars are told who to date, what to wear, what to say, and how to look pretty doing it. The only way you can really do what you want is if you don't get caught.

Steve's dating Peggy, which works out because she's married to Sam, even though it's not legal. But it's the perfect cover for the fact that Steve's gay. He's managing just fine skirting the system to find companionship, but then he meets James Barnes and life gets a lot more complicated.

If you know anything about me and my love for Golden Age Hollywood, then you won't be surprised that this pushes all of my buttons. This is loosely inspired by the real life relationship of Cary Grant and Randolph Scott (the exact nature of which we will probably never know, but let's just say it was most likely not strictly platonic). Is the world the author created here entirely realistic? No--and it's not intended to be. While it is indeed rooted in many of the horrible realities that queer people and POC have faced in the past (and are still facing today), it's a slightly kinder version of it that allows for a hopeful, if not a strictly happy ending in the traditional sense. A sumptious story with gorgeous art.

make progress together by frankoceansmoonriver | E, 24K

Author's summary: He feels like Steve’s mistress. He feels hollowed out. He feels like a jammed gun still trying to go off. When he’s not with Steve he convinces himself he’s ruining Steve’s life, and though he tries, he’s too selfish to stop. When he’s with Steve, he’d fight God himself to keep it, this tangible perfection that makes him drunk and anchors him in ways he did not know existed.

Or, the one where they both survived the war, Bucky loves Steve now, has loved Steve since he was fifteen, and the year is 1945.

This is a story that I have reread many, many times because it is the perfect wish fulfillment fic for me. It's the slightly unrealistic, or one could also say: optimistic version of what I imagine would have happened had Steve and Bucky both survived the war. That's not to say that this fic doesn't have its very angsty moments, but ultimately, this is a story about love and hope triumphing in the face of adversity, and sometimes you just want to see good things happen to good people. I know some readers may find the formatting and the non-linear structure challenging, but this is a beautiful story and I really urge you all to give it a try!

I'll Light Your Way Home series by BeaArthurPendragon | M-E, 69K, 5 parts

Author's summary: Two lost Vietnam vets find each other in a Hell's Kitchen gay bar one hot September night. This is how they find their way home.

A pattern emerges! Can you tell I'm really into (No Powers) AUs set in the early to mid 20th century? Well, here's another one, but we're actually moving into second half of the century, specifically to 1969, for this one! Bea is quite possibly my favorite Stucky writer and I have recommended her stories many times to anybody who will listen to me. It's debatable whether or not she actually counts as "underrated", I guess, but it is my personal opinion that her fics should have ten times the kudos/comments/hits they do and that she deserves to be up there with the "big names". This story in particular just completely won over my heart with its gorgeous (but not ostentatious) writing, its confident and mature characterizations, and great eye for historical detail. I *cannot* recommend her fics enough. /unabashed fangirl moment over.

The Northern Lights by ThisChairIsMyHomeNow | M, 21K

Author's summary: “I can’t feel my face,” Steve shivers.

“I can’t feel my left arm,” Bucky says, deadpan. Steve barks out a laugh. It’s all white puffs of vapor in the chilly air.

“This the spot?”

“Nah,” Bucky pants, breath ragged from the long ascent up a mountain. “Almost there.”

A post-CW canon-divergent story that the author jokingly describes in their author's note as "gay superhero reluctantly gets therapy in the jungles of Wakanda, then goes on a covert road trip." And yes, maybe I wouldn't put it quite so flippantly myself, but it's not... untrue. And yet there is so much more depth to it. If you like a Bucky who takes back his life, his identity, and his future on his own terms, a Steve who isn't reduced to being his recovery prop but instead gets to shine in all his glorious, intense, stubborn Steve-ness, and a Sam & a Natasha who aren't just window dressing for the SteveandBucky-Show, this is for you! Cap Quartet Road Trip where all four members get their moment to shine--what are you waiting for?

Misplaced Pencils | T, 13K & and our words would take us 'round the world | T, 13K by Somanywords

Author's summary:

Steve and drawing throughout the years. Also Bucky.

&

Bucky is two years old when he learns to talk.

I've spent a good 30 minutes debating with myself which one of these two I should include here, and then I just threw up my hands and said "why not both? Both is good!" So here they are, two beautifully written mid-length full-arc (childhood to sometime past TWS, where they diverge from canon) fics that I love both equally. These are standalone stories and are not set in the same universe, but they do read and feel like companion pieces to each other because both stories are told through the lense of Steve and Bucky's respective artistic sensibilities and how they use their art as a framework to make sense of the world. Misplaced Pencils gives you artist Steve who, from a very young age on, has always tried to understand the world by taking it apart into its visual components & falling back on a fixed set of questions that help him to categorize and compartmentalize the people he encounters and the emotions he feels for them (just like he will later do in other areas of his life). Only that there is of course one person who's always refused to fit neatly into just one of his categories. and our worlds... on the other hand, gives you storyteller Bucky who's constantly talking, singing, writing. Who, in the end, can't help himself but narrate even his own fall and who is later delightfully affronted by his own narrative arc in a "if I had been the one in charge, I would've written it better!" way. Both of these stories are very dear to my heart and they deserve a million more hits.

+ Bonus!

Fics that definitely could/should be on this list but that I've recced before:

You are here by dharmashark

A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall by DisraeliGears

Prisoner One by ancientreader

As Time Goes By by Trouble_With_The_Snap

new topography series by brideofquiet

What I'm Looking For series by TessaBennet

Welcome Home, Son series by BeaArthurPendragon

I'm slowly working my way through my rec asks, so please be patient with me! Next up: Road Trip fics!

[wardencommanderrodimiss]

Also, if I may ask, what exactly is Dragon Age? I'd never heard of it before following your blog, and I know very little about it outside of what you've said about it.

I know I could probably just look it up, but that's not nearly as fun as listening to a friend's rambles.

Okay first of all I'm so sorry for the person I've become, and the person I continue to become as we get closer to and eventually arrive at the release of the new game on Halloween. (Context: it has been a decade since the last game. Nine years for me, as I got into the fandom in the time between the release of the last game and the release of its final DLC.)

The basic explanation is: western fantasy RPG series where the player character gathers up a group of companions to do anything from save the world to survive living in the worst city in the world. The real strength of the series is getting everyone obsessed with the companion characters, who, depending on your choices, you can be friends or enemies with, even as you continue to work together, and maybe you'll fall in love or they'll break your heart or you break their heart. I got dumped by a god. I nearly got dumped by a bastard prince who I encouraged to become king. My witch wife left me and I had to go on a long journey to find her. I almost went for a sacrifice ending and then cried so hard saying goodbye to my elf assassin boyfriend (we met when he was hired to kill me) that I reloaded and made a bunch of different choices.

The other strength is the roleplaying choices that you can make to shape your own character to get obsessed with, and then continue to add lore to them in your head until you're making them in the Sims just because you love them, or have an AU where they work at Subway. Real things I have done.

What else... I think another thing the games do well is in the worldbuilding and lore, and specifically in ambiguity in those things. The first game, Dragon Age: Origins, has the PC and companions fighting to save their country from what's basically a zombie apocalypse. The zombies, called darkspawn, have toxic blood that, if a person is infected, will lead them to a gruesome, agonizing death. In the course of the game, you learn more about how darkspawn are ""born"" - they're not 1:1 pop culture zombies, it's just the best comparison to start with - but... where did they come from in the first place? Why do they exist? The Church has an answer, but the Church is very fallible. You uncover new pieces of information about them in the game's DLC, and then in later games, which half-confirm and half-deny the Church's tale, but we still don't have a clear answer. Maybe we'll finally get one in the next game!

And that's just one example. The Church had a papal schism and the two branches argue about the nature of god's mortal wife - was she a mage or not, did she ascend and become divinity or not? There's a cult that thinks she was reborn as a dragon. You find what is said to be her ashes, which have miraculous healing properties. One of your companions, if killed in the temple where the ashes are housed, resurrects as a sort-of ghost. What's up with that? Who knows! We sure don't!

So, there's a lot of fun lore to chew on, and a lot of fun characters to get obsessed with, and a lot of options for playing your own individual character and getting obsessed with them.

My favorite game of the three is Dragon Age: Origins, the first one, released in 2009. Yes, the graphics are dated, yes the combat gameplay is jank, yes it frequently crashes for some people (there are workarounds), yes there's a weird amount of sexism and some of that is trigger-warning worthy (something to keep in mind for anyone who wants to check it out), but I've played it... five, six times? Half of those as the same character, making the same choices, and yet it seems like every time I play, I find something new hidden away somewhere. A character sidequest I didn't unlock because they didn't like me enough. An NPC sidequest somewhere that I didn't explore well enough.

There's different background options for the character you create, and each of them gives you an "origin story" sequence to play. Usually only an hour or two before you hit the convergence point of the main story, but it dramatically shapes the way you see the locations and characters that you'll return to later in the story. A random merchant that a human noble PC passes by is an old friend for a dwarven noble PC. A random elf that a mage PC finds locked up in prison is the beloved cousin of the city elf PC. A random ambush by darkspawn holds a devastating reunion for the nomadic elf PC. A two-line encounter with a random woman is a lot more for the commoner dwarf PC, because that is their sister who's finally gotten away from their abusive mother. The PC is unvoiced in Origins, but that means there's more dialogue options to choose from than for the other games, which really helps me define the character I'm playing. And as a person who loves to make OCs (you know what I have going on for Pokemon), that's a big big plus.

The other games are good, too - I actually started with Dragon Age 2, and came back to Origins, because that's what I was recommended, and I think it was good because the combat felt so much better in 2, and once I was hooked on the world, I could go back to Origins. But there's something about Origins that makes me a big shill for it.

The Dragon Age fandom is, uh, contentious. If you - or anyone else here - ever want to check out the games, my recommendation is to look at cool art, make a few friends who are chill, and stay away from the radioactive discourse meltdowns that always seemed to be happening when the fandom was more active. I know lots of fandoms are toxic trashbins, I stay in a little corner to dodge that. But Dragon Age is. the fandom is special. Here's a parody post about what it's like.

But I really do love Dragon Age, and I've made some good friends, and I've had a lot of fun, and I'm very excited for the new game, and I am, again, very very sorry for the person I'm becoming.

[haveyouseenthishorrormovie]

Have You Seen this Horror Movie - Poll Blog

Welcome!

This is a blog where we collect data about how many people have seen different horror movies with hourly or bi-hourly polls.

Feel free to interact with this blog however you like and discussion within the community is always welcome. We love talking about our favourite horror movies!

If you have any requests, you can submit them in the askbox if they haven’t already been covered. Requests are OPEN at the moment! Check list of previously covered movies.

Search movies by genre/subcategory, country of origin, decade, content warnings and franchise. Search other posts by miscellaneous tags.

See top poll records of all covered movies.

If you don’t have any requests, you can always send your questions in the askbox as well.

Have fun and happy voting :)

Meet the Mods!

mod Z 🔮🎶

tumblr acc: @zsterofficial

they/he ⛓️ genderfluid boi

Hey there, I'm Z, your resident indie horror film enthusiast and aspiring filmmaker/singer-songwriter. My horror journey began with animated stories on YouTube and creepypastas during my childhood, sparking a passion for horror lore. Although relatively new to watching horror films, I've become somewhat of a hardcore fan, specializing in French new extremity, occult, gothic, and cosmic horror. I also love Ari Aster movies, the Saw franchise and literally any movie with my boy Barry Keoghan in it. Excited to share my thoughts on movies with you all and contribute to this blog! If you guys want to read more of my opinions, you can read my reviews on my letterboxd.

---

Mod Sussur

They/them | Local cryptid uncle

I've been into horror media since getting slowly introduced to it since the teen years, and at the moment could be considered as an enthusiastic horror enjoyer. I love the monster/alien movies, big time gore and body horror as well as cosmic horror. My favorite horror movies are Bride of the Re-animator (1990) and Little Shop of Horrors (1986). I'm also dreaming of becoming a special effects make-up artist at some point in my life.

Would hold hands with Slenderman and totally not get murdered.

---

Hi I'm Laura and I was a giant anxiety-ridden wuss as a child which somehow morphed into being really into horror and true crime as an adult. I love literally all kinds of horror except extreme/torture. I also write scary stories for fun and very occasional profit.

---

!! mod chris !!

genderfluid (he/her/any)

hi hello !!! im actually terrified of everything so horror movies are a very good adrenaline pumper for me i love them so much. i draw sometimes as well. I love psychological thrillers, supernatural horror, and sometimes sci fi it really depends !! My favourite horror movie would be hard to say, but i guess the saw series (has only watched first one). I also have a cat called sophie who is a little menace and is so cute but might as well be the star of her own horror movie. please note i have autocorrect turned off so apologies for any mistakes i make.

[hit-song-showdown]

Year-End Poll #43: 1992

[Image description: a collage of photos of the 10 musicians and musical groups featured in this poll. In order from left to right, top to bottom: Boyz II Men, Sir Mix-a-Lot, Kriss Kross, Vanessa Williams, TLC, Eric Clapton, En Vogue, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Color Me Badd, Jon Secada. End description]

More information about this blog here

Now in 1992, we're seeing the true force of Seattle's music scene making its way to the charts. By that of course I'm talking about the Hot 100 debut of The Emerald City's own Sir-Mix-a-Lot. I'm not even being cheeky (ha.) about that. Not only has Sir-Mix-a-Lot been successful in the rap scene prior to this year (including a platinum record), but with Baby Got Back we're finally seeing rap music officially represented in these polls (along with Kriss Kross). Yesterday, I talked about Miami bass and the obscenity trial surrounding 2 Live Crew. Baby Got Back may not have reached that level of litigation, but the track was incredibly controversial, with the music video being banned by MTV.

This year is also notable for featuring the R&B group, Boyz II Men, and this won't be the last we see of them. End of the Road beat the record at the time for holding the number one spot on the Billboard Hot 100. This record was later broken by Boyz II Men again with the releases of I'll Make Love to You and One Sweet Day (two tracks we may discuss in the future...). The group dominated the charts, with a cumulative 50 weeks at the number one spot. As we get to the latter half of the decade and the boy bands start flooding in, it's clear to see where the direct line of influence was drawn.

But anyone who knows even the most basic facts about music history from this time may notice that something seems to be missing. It's interesting coming at this from a 2023 perspective, because the absence of Nirvana's Smells Like Teen Spirit just feels wrong. It's hard to find a music retrospective that doesn't mention it. As the song that helped grunge find a mainstream audience, rock's shifting image, the changing attitudes and priorities of a new generation of young listeners, the commercialization of the PNW working class lifestyle, the final nail in glam metal's coffin. But on the Billboard Year-End chart, Smells Like Teen Spirit only reached number 32 (which is still an accomplishment for the pop charts). Will we ever see grunge truly featured on these polls? Probably not. At least not until we get to the genre's descendants in the 2000's.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Michael After Midnight: "Sir Psycho Sexy" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers

For April Fool’s 2024, I decided to do a bit inspired by Todd in the Shadows called Ford Analyzes Tunes And Song Stuff, or FATASS for short (a little nod to how Todd’s moniker can be shortened to TITS). Basically people would send me a song, and I would give some wacky analysis or review of the song that was probably the opposite of my actual, genuine opinion. For example, for Nickleback’s “Photoraph,” I claimed the entire song was actually a bittersweet gay romance. It was a fun exercise in crafting absurdity from even the most mundane or stupid lyrics. But it did leave me wanting to review a song for real… and what better than one of my favorite songs of all time?

The Red Hot Chili Peppers are a band that need no introduction, but I’ll do it in case some of you out there don’t listen to good music and/or hate California: RHCP is a funk/alternative rock band formed in 1982, though they didn’t really cement their status as one of the best bands around until their release of the alt rock classic Blood Sugar Sex Magik in 1991, an album that produced the personal and powerful “Under the Bridge,” the hard rocking “Suck My Kiss,” and the all-time banger “Give It Away.” It’s a fantastic album, one of the most influential of its time, and many regard it as RHCP’s best work—including the band’s bassist, Flea. I’m certainly inclined to agree; it’s a nice middle ground between their heavily funk-influenced early work and their later more radio-friendly rock tunes. Don’t get the wrong idea here—they were, and still are, a very good band—but I think in my opinion the 90s were the decade where they really stood out from the crowd as trailblazers in the rock scene.

With that out of the way, it’s time to single out my absolute favorite song on the album to talk about: An eight minute long track titled “Sir Psycho Sexy.” With a title like that and an impressive length to match, you know you’re in for something bonkers, and I’d say the song delivers in spades; it’s a funky rap rock epic that is hornier than almost any song before or since. The rizz the titular Sir Psycho Sexy of the song displays is beyond that of any mortal man, and it is simply glorious. This song is also a song that inspired one of my Ocs—Flynn Dangerfield from the Rhine City series my wife and I are working on. If you’re unfamiliar with the character (and you shouldn’t be, the rough drafts for the story are pinned at the top of my blog), this is like if Alex Hirsch said Dipper and Mable were actually inspired by Flowers in the Attic.

If you don’t believe me, then read on as I riff on one of my favorite songs and showcase the brilliant lyrical insanity of a 90s rock band that was likely high as a kite while writing this. Also, this is your warning: These lyrics are insanely NSFW. This isn’t nearly as bad as the last song I riffed on, “Pregnant Pussy,” but it’s up there. You’ve been warned.

So this song is sort of a story, and every story has a main character. And what a character we have here; Sir Psycho Sexy is his name, and getting pussy is his game. How does one introduce such a man?

A long, long, long, long time ago Before the wind, before the snow Lived a man, lived a man I know Lived a freak of nature named Sir Psycho

Not a bad way to start things. Lead singer Anthony Kiedis really sets up Sir Psycho as some ancient, powerful force of nature, a being who has existed as long as there were babes to fuck and who is so eternal he was there before wind or snow. Mind you, this is before we get into all of his insane sexual feats and astounding prowess with the ladies, so we have the coolest guy in the universe right here. Let’s see what else there is to say about him:

Sir Psycho Sexy that is me Sometimes I find I need to scream

Oh. Ok then. So Anthony Kiedis is Sir Psycho Sexy. This is either self-insert Mary Sue fanfiction, or it’s an autobiographical tale describing things that actually happened. Let’s be super duper charitable and call it the latter. At any rate, the fact he just likes to scream sometimes is universally relatable.

Still, you may not be convinced how good the song is from this opener, as it can come off as blatant wish fulfillment fantasy. Thankfully, the second verse opens with the greatest lyrics ever written by a human hand:

Deep inside the garden of Eden Standing there with my hard on bleedin' There's a devil in my dick and some demons in my semen Good God no that would be treason

This is absolutely blasphemous, disgusting, degenerate, explicit, and one of the funniest fucking set of lyrics to ever be in a song. “There’s a devil in my dick and some demons in my semen” is not a phrase you hear every day, and it certainly won’t leave your head after you hear it. And don’t worry; things only get better from here!

Believe me Eve she gave good reason Booty looking too good not to be squeezin' Creamy beaver hotter than a fever I'm a givin' 'cause she's the receiver I won't and I don't hang up until I please her Makin' her feel like an over achiever I take it away for a minute just to tease her Then I give it back a little bit deeper

So I don’t know what could be expected, but Sir Psycho plowing the Biblical Eve is probably not the sort of thing you could imagine when first popping in to listen to this song. When you take into account his ancient nature from the first verse and the fact he’s got his boner dripping blood in Eden in the first few lines of verse two, this is really the only logical next step though. The real question here is, is Sir Psycho supposed to be Adam, or has Sir Psycho tied up Adam to watch as he busts in Eve more times than should be humanly possible? If he’s “Makin’ her feel like an over achiever,” I’ve gotta imagine he’s not stopping after round one, two, or even three. I do like the detail that Sir Psycho won’t give up until he pleases her; it’s very cool and considerate that he cares enough about his lover to ensure her satisfaction too.

I got stopped by a lady cop In my automobile She said get out and spead your legs And then she tried to cop a feel

Verse three begins with an extremely sad case of police brutality and sexual assault. Poor Sir Psycho was just driving along, minding his own business, when he’s pulled over for no crime whatsoever; the cop just wanted to fondle him. These lyrics really say a lot about our society, and the state of the police force in America when even gorgeous immortal studs aren’t safe from the pigs.

That cop she was all dressed in blue Was she pretty? Boy I'm tellin' you She stuck my butt with her big black stick I said, "What's up?" now suck my dick

Some interesting tidbits of information here: Sir Psycho enjoys being pegged, and he has a death wish. What kind of absolute madman says that to a cop that has them at his mercy? Does he really think he can turn the tab--

Like a ram getting ready to jam the lamb She whimpered just a little when she felt my hand On her crotch so very warm I could feel her getting wet through her uniform Proppin' her up on the black and white Unzipped and slipped, "Ooh, that's tight" I swatted her like no swat team can Turned a cherry pie right into jam

Are we sure this man is Anthony Kiedis and not British Prime Minister David Cameron? Cuz he sure does like fucking pigs! Sir Psycho, with his ancient pornomancy powers, takes “fuck the police” to a whole new level, completely turning around whatever situation he’d gotten himself into.

And now we get a shift in the instrumentation, and the lyrics kind of mellow out and almost feel a little romantic(at least in a 90s funk rock way):

Hello young woman that I love Pretty punk rock mama that I'm thinking of Hold me naked if you will In your arms in your legs in your pussy I'd kill To be with you, to kiss with you, I do miss you I love you Lay me down, lay me down, lay me down, lay me down Lay me down, lay me down, lay me down, lay me down Descending waves of graceful pleasure For your love there is no measure Her curves they bend with subtle splendor

This part genuinely feels so tender and, while it is extremely horny, Sir Psycho seems especially reverent of this woman, this amazing “punk rock mama.” I kind of think this segment pulls the entire song together, giving us a brief respite from the more overt sexuality and into something that genuinely sounds sweet, albeit in a decidedly horny sort of way.

Of course, we soon get back to Sir Psycho’s usual escapades in the final verse:

Now I lay me down to sleep I pray the funk will make me freak If I should die before I waked Allow me Lord to rock out naked

And after this, we get kinky before wrapping up this song and heading to an extended instrumental outro:

Bored by the ordinary time to take a trip Calling up a little girl with a bull whip Lickety split go snap, snap Girl gettin' off all in my lap The tallest tree the sweetest sap Blowin' my ass right off the map Ooh and it's nice out here I think I'll stay for a while

So full disclosure, this really, genuinely is one of my favorite songs of all time, and perhaps my favorite RHCP song. It’s so audacious, in-your-face, and unabashedly horny, and in a day and age when people seem hellbent on removing sex from art, it’s nice to go back to a simpler, sluttier time and jam out. Is the length a bit excessive? Sure, probably, but length like this is all Sir Psycho is capable of.

The song is honestly not too dissimilar from the last song I reviewed, “Pregnant Pussy” by UGK… at least in terms of audacity. Where that song was trying to be as disgusting and depraved as possible to get a reaction from the listener, essentially being the nastiest troll song you’ll ever here, this song is just very upfront with its sheer horniness. It only barely eases you in, with the opening leading right into blasphemous boasting and dick blood, and it just never stops. It slows down a bit in a couple parts, but overall it really is just an unrelenting force. The song’s length isn’t something you ever really feel, because it just goes from one dirty lyric to the next.

But I think the most important thing the song does is remind us we all have a little Sir Psycho Sexy inside us, and we all have been standing the garden of Eden with our hard on’s bleeding while there were devils in our dick and demons in our semen. Maybe the real dick devils were the friends we made along the way.

[sophies-junkyard]

Seeing the new PJO content has me thinking way too hard about growing up. Its crazy because it’s like…. I think that chapter of my life is over? Which is a BIZARRE feeling. It’s all pretty stupid to write out but I’m drinking coffee and staring out the window and don’t have class for another 6 hours so lemme scribble some thoughts.

I read the Percy Jackson books when I was the same age as the characters, and so whenever I look back on those stories I sort of… remember them as peers? I remember how much I related to them and looked up to them. It was the first story that ever told me my ADHD could be a gift, and that it made me just like my heroes. It was so, SO important to me. I JOINED TUMBLR for the PJO fandom! I made camp t-shirts and painted necklace beads! I learned to draw because the fanart inspired me. Those books were such an escape for a lonely kid. The characters grew up right alongside me, and eventually got older than me. So when I picture our trio I still picture people… more competent than me? People I would aspire to be. But seeing that trailer and remembering like… holy fuck they were kids. I was a kid. This is a faithful adaptation because they were TWELVE… where did the time go?

It’s just strange because if you scroll back through my tumblr you’ll find a kid who camped out for the release of HOH. Who saved her allowance for a year to get an autographed copy of the Blood of Olympus. Whose eyes would glaze over in euphoria at the idea of my favorite thing in the world coming to screen. At the idea of a new BOOK!! And from Percy’s perspective?? That girl would’ve exploded. This was HER blog! Push a few buttons and you’ll find her!

So how odd is it that… it’s simply not for me anymore. When I saw that the book was set in Percy’s senior year of high school, I had a tiny flash of disappointment. Obviously I can’t relate to an 18 year old, and I felt myself frowning. “Why isn’t Percy for ME anymore?” I wondered. And I immediately felt silly. The answer is because… I don’t need that world anymore.

They’re not making this show for me. They’re bringing it back for the next generation of kids who need those role models and those stories. When I watched the trailer I thought “oh that’s cool” instead of “oh my god I can’t wait!!” Because it just doesn’t make my brain light up like it used to. I’m never going to relate to it like I once did. Ever. And that’s okay because I’m not that kid anymore! Insane.

It’s not like the series doesn’t mean anything to me anymore. There’s a copy of The Lightning Thief on the bookshelf directly across from me. Its smooshed between The Secret History and a level 4000 Spanish textbook. It’s yellowed with age and shredded around the corners. The first sentence has been underlined repeatedly in smudgy mechanical pencil. There are about a thousand folded pages and the back cover is missing. I don’t remember the last time I opened it, but it’s moved with me for years now and I have no intention of letting it go.

Those stories and that fandom shaped me into the person I am today. I wanted to be brave like Percy and smart like Annabeth. I believed it was possible because I saw myself in them, and it turned out to be true. So while it’s sad to know those days are behind me, I’m so SO glad that other kids will get to have that experience. I hope these stories live on for decades to come.

I don’t really know what the point of writing this was. I think I just wanted to have these thoughts written out somewhere. A sort of acceptance that time goes on and things change, ya know? And to clarify: this is NOT meant to discourage ANYBODY from watching the new series or reading the new book. People should absolutely go back to the things that bring them joy, should discover new worlds to escape to, etc. live your life baby! Hell, I’ll probably end up liking everything PJO related that floats across my dash. Nostalgia is a powerful thing. If you read this entire post I hope you have a great day lmao.

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

Hey, how are you doing? How was coming back to work?

If I can be curious, let me ask you this super hard (or maybe simple, it depends), question: who's your favorite character and why? Also, which one do you find the most easy to understand/write?

Have a nice day my friend, cheers 😊

@dolceaspidenera hi! I'm so happy to hear from you! ^.^

And ooh, those are good questions. I won't answer them completely, but I will give you honest answers ^.^ I apologize in advance for what turned into a character analysis mini-essay XD

I do have a favorite character of the M6, but I prefer not to write like it on this blog. I think it's awesome when fan creators focus on their favorite characters - it means that everything they make is done out of love! - and it's almost something you'd expect in a dating sim fandom when you have to choose one specific character to experience most of the story with. I initially chose not to do that just because I genuinely enjoy writing for connections with all of the M6, even if there's very few that I would want a specifically romantic connection with. Every single one of them are characters that I'd be happy to get to know, as a lover, or an honorary sibling, or a close friend.

The longer I write like that, the happier I am that I do. It means I've explored aspects of the world of the Arcana that I wouldn't have initially been invested in, but that have contributed so much to the story! It also means that I get to chat with people who have so many different perspectives on the game because of their own preferences, and I've learned a lot from them!

As to who is more or less easy to write - that changes based on the prompt. For example, prompts that reference pre-prologue Vesuvia are a lot harder to write with Portia, simply because she didn't arrive there until after Lucio's "death" and because the game doesn't really delve into the life she's had there since. And the hardest prompts for me to write in general are for MC with specific familiars, only because those are characters I haven't read about XD

There are also themes I wish I could explore more, sometimes, for all the M6, but doing so would require so much speculation that it would be hard to keep the headcanons feeling "canon." Julian's life before Vesuvia, for example - he's been knocking all around the world since his teens, and of the two or so decades that that comprises, he's only spent a few years of that in Vesuvia. He glamorizes his adventures when he talks about them, but nobody in their late teens acts as a medic on a battlefield for their apprenticeship without taking away some kind of baggage. When does he break down without dramatics or smokescreens? When does he learn to talk about a painful past without trying to redirect his hurt into drama? When does he learn the healthy kind of selfishness that lets him be completely honest?

Asra's so emotionally private it's hard to get a read on them sometimes. We know they're deeply in love with MC and that that's been a shaping influence on them for the last nine years - but what else? There's so much about him that aches to be known, which he frequently tells MC in his route, but he still treats his relationship with them like it's fragile and new. What happens when things are more settled and they know MC isn't at constant risk of falling apart? Did they ever feel betrayed by MC for not leaving Vesuvia with them? Did they ever feel resentful of MC for causing that much relational pain, or at the very least, for holding them in a full-time caregiving role for three years? When does he learn to depend on them to the point of exposing them to his own ugly thoughts and feelings?

Nadia, for all of her capacity, is still very emotionally young. She's just beginning to process her feelings regarding her own family, which stem from her childhood and were never addressed directly until they were invited to the Masquerade. She has a deep-seated lack of faith in her own strengths, which MC has had the chance to help her overcome, but that attitude has been affecting her perception of other people's opinions of her for most of her life. At what point does she learn how to interpret someone's concern for her as something other than belittlement? At what point does she learn how to recognize and apologize for her own mistakes in a relationship without experiencing it as self-rejection? At what point does she learn to recognize someone else's strength without comparing it to her own and feeling challenged if she doesn't measure up?

Muriel's especially hard to predict physically. He has a whole host of reasons to feel the way he does about his body in relation to himself and others. It could be easy to say that, as he heals in his relationship with MC, he learns to enjoy and seek out physical pleasure as he overcomes trauma (in multiple ways, like food, and comfort, and intimacy). But when it does come to physical intimacy, Muriel is so easily read as demi/asexual that his interest in that aspect of a relationship doesn't really act as a good benchmark for healing. Maybe his aversion to touch is only trauma-related, and underneath that gruffness is a pent-up, touch-starved lover. Maybe he stays consistently disinterested in that kind of physical pleasure, simply because that's the way he is - and there is nothing wrong with that. But we don't know how that progresses.

So much of Portia's life is missing. We don't know much of what her life was like before she came to Vesuvia after Lucio's "death", and we honestly don't know much of what it was like after. We know that she's friends with all the palace employees and that she has a close connection with Nadia, and that's it. It's hard to know how she fits into a post-canon community because she remains so detached from the other M5 throughout her story. Most of what we know of her life with MC afterwards is that she spends a lot of it on a ship. She's the kind of person who thrives in building and maintaining community, and yet we have so few clues about what that looks like. Does she become like family with the sailors, assuming that the ship keeps the same crew? Does her new status give her a peer-based relationship with Nadia? Does she try to keep Julian in her life, or do they drift apart again? Does she eventually create a new home base in a different country?

And, well, I've already a written a whole character analysis of Lucio. We know that he's determined to become an honest man, but we don't know how that plays out. Does he get tired? Does he find a stopping point at "morally gray"? Does he stick it out and become one of the most emotionally healthy characters? Does he ever settle down somewhere else and build a life there? Does he stay in touch, or reconnect with anyone from Vesuvia and build a new friendship with them?

Anyways, those are some of the rabbit trails I let my brain loose on sometimes, and those are a lot of the character aspects I have a harder time writing for because it's so open-ended. Maybe another creator will read this and have answers I don't yet XD

Thanks for your questions, friend, I hope you don't mind my mini-essay!

brainrot

[preraphaeliteknight]

I've spent a few days thinking about what to do moving forward. It's not the breakup of a celebrity couple that's affected me the most, it's the feeling of losing my safe space in the Tumblr Swiftie fandom. Every time I've logged onto this app in the last few days I've flinched and quickly exited the dash to get away from yet another take mocking and ridiculing Joe. Or minimizing his very valid fears. "Unbothered 3.0". Rewriting history to make the last 6 years seem insignificant. Comparing him to CH as if petty jealousy is the issue here and not years of harassment. Celebrating the return of Taylor Swift, The Brand, no matter what that means for her future happiness. And circulating pressers that make it sound like Joe was a therapy dog who's no longer needed. All of which is making me feel physically ill. For both of them. And even when this stuff isn't coming from the people I follow (who for the most part have nuanced and fair takes), it's coming from their anons. And no matter what I do I can't get away from the outright cruelty and shocking lack of empathy for the person Taylor has credited with saving her life. Even though swifties know better than anyone what Joe has had to put up with for over half a decade. Given that treatment, I suppose it shouldn't surprise me that this is how he's being discarded. But fuck it hurts. So where does this leave me? This blog was never supposed to be an update account or an ask blog. I just wanted a space to fangirl over my favorite actor. But in the last few months this has become a space for Joe fans to be excited for his upcoming projects and clown over castings (remember a few weeks ago when we were giddily figuring out his next movie because of insta follows? yeah, take me back to that please). And I know some of you rely on this blog as a space to both appreciate Joe and vent your frustrations with his unfair treatment. I have 70+ asks in my inbox right now, the vast majority of which are well written, thoughtful takes on what's been happening. And I agree with pretty much all of it. Thank you for taking the time to send me your thoughts. But the truth is, I simply don't have the emotional capacity to reply to them right now. I can't do it. I can't talk and think and dwell on this. To quote a song that's too painful to listen to right now: "I'm just too soft for all of it." So I feel like I have two options if I ever want to be able to be active on Tumblr again: 1. Unfollow all swifties. Because just seeing pictures of Taylor (especially from the pap walk) makes me feel ill. And it's affecting my opinion of her even though I'm mad at her fans, and not her. And I don't want that to happen or the music to be tarnished. But I also don't want to break mutuals and hurt someone's feelings. And I want to know what's going on with Taylor. I'm a huge fan of her too, and I want to be excited for tour and the re-recordings. So that's why I'm going with option 2: Take a proper break. A real one, this time. Hopefully this all won't feel so hard with some time and distance. I don't know if it will solve anything, because swifties will get back to talking about Joe in the future (whenever she makes art about this) and then I'll probably have to flinch every time I open this app again. Because he will have been reduced to yet another ex swifties can make fun of. So maybe I have to go with both options in the end. If I do, I hope any mutuals out there know not to take it personally. I wish more than anything that I could return to the days of being a casual fan who wouldn't have thought twice about any of this. And maybe that's what I need to try to get back to. For my own sanity's sake. I'm sorry to any Joe fans out there who need a place to vent. I feel like I'm letting you down, but I just can't do this right now. Maybe I'll be able to in the future. Maybe I'll leave this blog and go back to my main instead where the subjects will be more varied. I don't know. I'll always be a Joe fan though, and no shitty presser or swiftie narrative is going to change that.

Please just be kind to each other, and to Taylor and Joe. Let's hope the best for both of them, and please please please don't tarnish all the good that this relationship gave them. And all the beautiful music it gave us.

All my love

[fenmere]

thank you @the-letterbox-archives for the tag!

This is an OC questionaire, and these questions were chosen by letter. We're going to have the cast of The End of the Tunnel answer them, because that's our upcoming book!

"what's your relationship with your family like?" Ashwin: "I've left them, permanently, most likely to never see most of them again, to visit another planet - Earth. Even though I've lived more than a full life already, and have existed several decades beyond the end of my vessel's lifespan, I do think I regret it. I was more than desperately ready for something new, but I was not so ready to lose those connections." Phage: "I am not a living being. I do not have a lineage like you may be familiar with. And I am the kind of thing that doesn't tend to have equals. But I have had a child, Ni'a, and I find that I love them very dearly. I do not think that I have been a good parent to them. Not by anybody else's standards. I don't know how. But they have never complained. I will not pretend that this experience helps me understand people any better." Sarah: "Goreth and I were an only child. Our parents tried to raise us better than their parents did, but they screwed up a lot. And besides our surviving Grandma, our extended family are all bigots. We've got a lot of trauma from all this and are estranged from almost all of them. In many ways, Phage has been more of a family member for us than anybody else. Anyway, Goreth and I are basically twins, and we're the core of any family we may have now. We're hoping we can build a new one from our queer friends." Goreth: "To elaborate on what Sarah's saying, I think we've actually got a family going with Peter and Abigail, our housemates. And with Erik and the Audreys, too. We've been there for each other in ways our biological families never were." Erik: "They're... a lot. If we're talking about my folks and sibs. I love them, but also I can't deal with them a lot of the time. I need them, but they honestly don't seem to need me, and it shows. They think they need the person they think I am. And I'm a whole different thing than that." the Audreys: *shrugs* "I got to take my computer with me when I moved out."

"do you have any hobbies? if so, what ones?" Ashwin: "The concept of hobbies is fascinating to me. Where I come from we only have an Art and then we have other skills. These things maybe classify as hobbies to most humans, at least those that live in and around Portland. But, it seems to me that a hobby is defined as something one does for oneself when one is not working. Is that correct? We don't have work on the Sunspot. We only have our Art and our distractions and the things we do to make others happy. We just... It's a totally different way of thinking and I don't know if I can explain it well enough. In any case, I used to think I didn't have an Art. But lately I've been finding that studying anything about linguistics fills me with this profound sense of calm and purpose that I've never felt before." Phage: "My hobby is life itself. In all of its expressions and experiences." Sarah: "Well, we're unemployed and unable to work, but we have a Patreon and the people who donate to it do so in order to keep us healthy enough to do what we love when we have time. Which makes our hobbies our work, I guess? I draw. That's my favorite thing. I also like to watch movies and the newer cartoon shows. I used to read a lot, but that's been really hard to do lately." Goreth: "I want to be a writer. I want to write novels. But, I've never had any luck making one work, so I've been getting that energy out by keeping our Patreon and social media accounts up to date. It's really more of a creative outlet than it sounds, though. In a way I've already written a novel. It's just scattered across several blogs. Oh, and I guess I collect things. I don't really think about it though, it just happens. Kind of my nature." Erik: "Horror movies, horror novels, horror shows, and experiencing horror in real life. Also dancing and being a smart ass. Oh, and monster spotting. It's like bird watching, but with monsters. There's probably other hobbies, but since my other headmates aren't awake right now, I can't remember them." the Audreys: "We kind of have a lot. But we don't really have the time for any of them. Too busy with work, which used to be a hobby. Hanging out with Erik and the Ampersands is really where we get our big break. But we rewatch Venture Brothers a lot, I guess. Also Disney movies. But that's like in the background while we work."

"do you dream often? what about?" Ashwin: "I'm not sure I know the difference between a dream and experiencing most of my life in the inworld of someone else's psyche. I was originally a fellow system member of the Minbàoni, and I gained consciousness and identity before I ever took the front and piloted their vessel. Once we got our neural terminal, I spent a lot of time on the Network, away from my system, and that was a lot like vividly dreaming in and of itself. Sarah and Goreth dream quite a bit, and I've been part of that since I've joined them. I'm still trying to make sense of that." Phage: "No. But I appear in dreams on occasion. I find it's an excellent way to talk to someone who isn't otherwise able to see or hear me." Sarah: "We have had so many recurring nightmares, even after our mom taught us how to face them. There's just always something. The nightmares of our childhood are our empowerment dreams now, and we often go flying or chasing monsters when we have them. But then, the next night, we'll have a nightmare about arguing with our parents in their kitchen. Our better dreams are the ones where our headmates hold a council meeting, or get together with us to play some kind of internal role playing game." Goreth: *gestures at Sarah* "That. Except, also, lately, I've been learning how to assert my actual shape in our dreams, and I get to spend a lot of time as the dragon I am. To the point where I think I prefer dreaming to being awake." Erik: "If I could remember my dreams, I'm pretty sure I could write the best movie scripts. But I'm glad I can't. I dream enough when I'm awake, I really don't need to experience that shit at night too." the Audreys: "Some of us do, and some of us can't even visualize an apple. It's kinda weird. Those of us that do dream have pretty vivid memories of exploring our inworld, to the point we've been able to map it out. You can read about it and see our diagrams on our wiki. But I don't think our dreams are anything like anybody else's. They're almost all internal politics."

We're not going to tag anybody else. Consider yourself invited to do this, and go ahead an tag us if you answer our questions. Questions for your OCs: 1. What is your favorite thing to do to avoid responsibility?

2. If you could choose anyone in your world to be your sibling, who would it be?

3. What is the most sublime thing you have ever eaten, and why?

[the-lincyclopedia]

Fic Rec Friday (on Saturday)

This week's theme: Rec a fic that starts with the same letter as your username (or, if you like, a part of your username)

The rules: Tag a fic that starts with the same letter as your username and describe why it's so good / how it has a hold on you. Then tag some people to see what everyone else is reading. Spread the love! Also, she'll do the round up on Sunday, so if you're still recc-ing on Saturday, no pressure! Please tag @welcometololaland or tag #fic rec friday so she can compile the masterlist.

Thanks to @cricketnationrise for the tag!

I went through my bookmarks and picked a LOT of fics whose titles start with T or L, so I’m inserting a cut so you don’t have to scroll past the whole thing. Also, I’m not tagging anyone to participate because Saturday is almost over.

tell me what it’s like (to be loved by you) - Check Please - by @likeshipsonthesea

Look, this fic has it all. Mutual pining? Comfortable friendship that neither of them wants to wreck? Co-parenting in the aforementioned dynamic? Check, check, check (please). The writing is gorgeous, also.

Life of the Party - Check Please - by penguinsledding

Another kid fic, this time featuring Jack and Lardo co-parenting a kid who resulted from a one-night stand they had right before Jack was supposed to be drafted. Bitty is the kid’s favorite YouTuber. This fic gives me so many feels.

the girl who lived (again) - Harry Potter - by @ink-splotch

I struggled with whether to include a Harry Potter fic in this list given . . . you know . . . but this is a beautiful interpretation of trans!Harry and makes the best case I’ve ever seen for why queer and trans young people need queer and trans role models, so I’m keeping it on the list.

Learned Our Lessons Well - Check Please - by @mcbangle

Shitty and Jack friendship so well-written that I wrote in my comment on it that I was happy-squealing. A great take on the ultimate brotp.

Land of Wishing Wells - Check Please - by @alexeiiimashkov

Patater fake dating at the Zimbits wedding. I have reread this fic SO many times. I’m a sucker for fanon Kent Parson, particularly when the writer gives him this much of an inferiority complex.

Love at the Juice Bar - Check Please - by orphan_account

The disability rep here makes me so happy! This fic features deaf!Jack and CODA!Bitty. It’s also just so cute, in general.

Three Points Where Two Lines Meet - Check Please - by @luckiedee

This fic has a two-person love triangle featuring Jack and Bitty falling for each other both at the grocery store and via email as Jack reads Bitty’s blog, without realizing that they’re the same people in both venues. And THEN Shitty and Lardo try to set them up. The TROPES. I love this one a lot.

The Kit-den Catfe - Check Please - by @justwritins

This writer is AMAZING at writing a Kent Parson who has been abused and is trying so hard to heal and figure things out. In this fic, Kent owns a cat cafe and Tater falls hard for him. Gosh, I want to reread this immediately.

The Placebo Effect - Check Please - by @doggernaut

Trope subversion alert! In this fic, Bitty and Jack fake being soulmates only to realize that they’re just as in love as they would be if it were predestined. I love when writers mess with the soulmate trope, and doggernaut is just so good.

That’s How the Light Gets In - Sherlock - by sylviarachel

This has been one of my all-time favorite fics for very nearly a decade now, which is utterly wild to realize, but it’s so deserved. This is an ace!Sherlock fic that helped me come to terms with my own asexuality, and my partner and I have been quoting it to each other since I read it to him a few weeks into our relationship. I don’t have words for how much this fic means to me.

[daryfromthefuture]

For comfort character ask! 5 6 and 9!

i'm doing doc for this one because question five is just too good

ANYWAY

5. what about their backstory makes me emotional

if you have looked at my blog since like. end of march 2023. you might know that the fact that doc canonically was part of the manhattan project drives me insane. just imagine being an aspiring scientist, wanting and waiting to make a difference, only to have your hard work that you thought you were doing for the betterment of humanity to be used as a mass murder device. i can't even imagine how doc (or the real life scientist who were part of this, for that matter) must have felt. i feel like it shaped doc into the person we see in the movies. that man would not hurt a fly. he fears destroying the universe and hurting marty or someome else in the process. he offers to dismantle the time machine as soon as it starts causing trouble. i mean. my god what did doc go through back then.

i can totally see that whole event just breaking doc in two and he has to spend the next decades trying to piece himself and his love for science and inventing back together. not to mention that he has to deal with being ostracized and feared. hill valley i beg you. that man is probably scared of himself, don't make it even worse for him

6. the moment of theirs that made me the saddest

the hug in 1955. it's so bittersweet. doc had probably been lonely for years and years on end, and now he's finally getting hugged. you can see just how confused he is by the gesture but also is like 🥹🥹🥹

i am in TEARS.

9. my favorite canon outfit of theirs

this one. look how classy and insane at the same time he is. i love him

thanks for the ask!