#working on opening commissions soon probably but for now this is a great way to support me!!!

[sunnibits]

ahem *puts on my annoying customer sales voice*

just so you know, inprnt is having a site-wide labor day sale rn, so it’s a great time to pick up some prints from my shop!! I have both serious art and silly doodles available to purchase :))) anything helps!

[starrjoy]

Life update. Probably the last I’ll do for a while

Unfortunately, my little family is still not doing great. The economy is rough, so jobs are pretty few and far between. Commissions have been our only source of income for the past four months, and that’s barely been enough to get by. On top of that, my health is pretty bad, so I haven’t been able to manage my usual turnarounds. It’s all very tiring. We have leads and interviews coming up, so we can only hope things will get better soon. I’m not giving up hope that we’ll get through this, but the exhaustion is setting in.

On top of that, I’m just not all that into Sonic anymore. It’s hard to lose a hyperfixation, especially one that has brought me so much community and joy for so long. I’ve just simply lost touch with the fandom, and I don’t find myself as excited as I usually would be for upcoming events. The ending of Prime and the Knuckles series just really took it out of me lmao.

Because of that, I’m sad to say I won’t be working on Pandora for the foreseeable future. I’m not going to promise I’ll return to it since there’s simply no way to tell, but I want to thank everyone who has supported me through its 100+ pages. I learned so much from making it and have definitely developed as an artist and writer throughout the whole process. It’s sad to say goodbye. Hopefully soon I’ll have the time and energy for bigger and better projects, but for now, I’m going to rest.

If you’d still like to support me, please check out my ko-fi. I’ll be uploading more personal wips there soon, as well as recent commissions. And of course, comms will be open again as soon as I finish this last batch. I’ll still accept Sonic comms, but please know I take all sorts and am definitely down to stretch my creative abilities :]

That’s all for now <3

[kayrrhin]

hello!

i saw your commissions were opened after a fic i read, idk if you write for multiple characters but i’d like to request for robin, law, cora, yamato, and ace, with no peculiar pronouns for the reader, it can be fluff or nsfw, as you feel more comfortable with!

feel free to add more or not write for some ofc, no pressure it’s totally understandable, don’t overdo yourself, please and thanks!

I'm going to be honest, you made a commission which literally features all of my all time favorite babies so let's goooo, i also assumed it was all separated since there were no specification, good reading!

3am baking

characters: Robin, Law, Corazon, Yamato, Ace

fluff, use of pet names, ft. teenager law in Cora's part

Reader's gender is not referred so it can be any gender

Warnings: use of swear words, a bit suggestive at Law's part, french

Robin:

"wow, so far it looks good!"

You looked at the cupcakes you and your girlfriend were making, so far there was only the dough but wow it looked good.

"I'm amazed that we're able to make such good cupcakes at this time of day, at least so far the dough is good!"

You grin at the archeologist and wipe some of the flour off her nose.

"Thanks, love."

You smiled and began to put the dough into the moulds, putting them in the oven.

"Now all we have to do is wait!"

Robin put her arms around you from behind and kissed your temple,

"I just hope Sanji doesn't take this the wrong way"

You chuckled a little

"The only thing Sanji might do is cry because we made it ourselves and he didn't cook it for us, or be amazed because it's going to be super good!"

You kissed her cheek and smiled proudly.

"haha, I guess you're right, I have to say though, what a strange urge to want to cook at such an hour, darling"

"Yes, I know, but at least we'll have snacks to read"

She smiles sweetly and kisses you, her soft lips resting on yours.

"Actually, I just hope they're still good tomorrow"

You looked up in a thinking manner for a bit,

"aaah you're right...it's probably going to be a little drier depending on how it goes..."

Your lover chuckled and kissed you.

"Don't worry too much, with a bit of tea it's going to be great, love"

After a little while you finished the cupcakes and boy were they good, as was the sleep you got afterwards.

Law

"You're messing up your sleep schedule right now."

Your boyfriend said, watching you make cookie dough,

"Oh, you're one to talk! At least it's not to overwork myself but to make cookies!"

You smile and continue to work on your work of art, but you feel someone approaching you.

"Let me help you at least, it might be fun... I guess."

He seemed a little embarrassed but helped you with the cookies anyway,

"Aaaw, thanks, love!"

You smiled at him and continued to bake, when the dough was separated, the surgeon put them in the oven, setting the temperature correctly.

"Can you put a timer on please?"

"Yep, I got it!"

You set the timer and start waiting, Law lifts you up to sit on the counter and kisses you on the forehead.

"I'll never understand how you can cook for ten people in the middle of the night"

He then kisses your jaw and puts his hands on your waist,

"I'll say it's my will to eat that gives me this strength, or a mental breakdown"

He chuckled and kissed your lips, slowly moving down to your neck, kissing it and leaving a few marks here and there, he started to get a little more impatient only for the timer to remind you both that the cookies were still in the oven,

"Yes! My cookies!"

You got off the counter, took out the cookies and turned off the oven.

"wooow, these look dashing!"

"Yes. They are."

You laugh, seeing your boyfriend a little frustrated by the sudden stop,

"Come on, sweetheart, we can continue where we left off for a few minutes, the cookies still need to cool."

"I don't know if I love you or hate you, [Name]-ya"

Corazon

"I'm surprised we made it this far without burning the kitchen down!"

You've finished putting your mixture on the plate to put what will soon be brownies in the oven,

"Me too, you've really taken the easiest thing to do"

Your lover wrapped his arms around you, pulling you closer to his giant body.

"Yeah, I figured at 3am, burning the house down wasn't the best way to make something"

You laugh, nuzzling your face into his chest, him, resting his head on top of yours.

"You're right, I'm not sure Law would like us to set the house on fire."

He pulled his face closer to yours and kissed the tip of your nose, then your temple, and lips.

"He'd probably kick our asses if we did, I wonder who the real adults are"

You both laughed and stayed like that for a little while, to be fair the reason he hadn't set the kitchen on fire was because you were making sure he wasn't near anything that could catch fire, mainly his coat which was left in the living room for that specific reason.

"I think the brownies are good, let me turn off the stove"

You did so and smelled the brownies,

"wow, that smells really good, mi vida, we did a great job!"

He kissed you on the cheek and stumbled, causing you to lose your balance.

"OH FUCK—"

You looked at the brownies that were about to fall out, but they were replaced by a pillow.

"hah?"

"Can you be careful??? First I wake up because you can't keep it down, when I get up you're immediately about to injure yourself, and you're the adults here?"

"Right! Sorry we woke you up..."

"and thanks for saving us from a third degree burn!"

The teenager looked at you both and sighed.

" It's okay, plus it smells good, it would be sad to let it go to waste"

You look at your partner and both laughed

"Well, I guess it couldn't have gone without at least one little mistake"

Yamato

"Woooh! [Name], look, it's growing!"

You giggled at your golden retriever boyfriend who was looking at the gateau au yaourt in the stove.

"Yeah, that's the baking powder, baby"

Your boyfriend looked at you in awe, it was the first time in a long time he'd cooked in a real kitchen, so when you said you wanted to make a cake at 2:56am, he looked at you and instantly got up, already jumping towards the kitchen.

"This is so cool! And it smells so good too! My love, you are so good at baking! You are a god/goddess!"

Your boyfriend lifted you up in his arms, you laughed at his gesture.

" Pretty boy, I think you're over-reacting, I only have basic cooking skill"

He laughed and peppered your face with kisses, which made you giggle.

"Love, can you put me down? I need to turn off the oven"

"Oh yes, sorry!"

He puts you down and lets you reach the oven, you turn it off and take out the chocolate cake, the smell of the cake reaches your nostrils, but you smell something else, like vanilla.

"Wow, that smells good, you know why it smells like va...ni...la?", Finishing your sentence, you turn your head to notice the empty bottle of vanilla extract on the counter.

"Um... it smelled good, and like vanilla so..."

"Please tell me the bottle wasn't full."

You prayed for a second, imagining that the strong taste of vanilla was too much for your taste buds and mentally cried, but your boyfriend assured you that the bottle was almost empty when he did so.

"Ok, time to try it then, I really hope you're not lying because it smells like vanilla hell right now".

You took a bite and ate it, it was indeed very good and the vanilla taste wasn't overwhelming, which reassured your taste buds, you kissed your lover and took the cake to bring it in your room.

"Ah! I told you I didn't put it all in!"

Your boyfriend exclaimed, proud that he had not made a dumb mistake (for once).

"Yes, you did! I think it's time to eat it while reading about Oden, don't you think, big guy?"

"YES!"

Ace

"oui, oui, baguette ! Quoisan !"

Your boyfriend laughed as he helped you prepare the croissants.

"Ace, shut the fuck up, it's 3am if Tatch hears us, we're dead"

The last time Tatch caught you, you were punished by cleaning the bathroom for 3 months, but you both had a sudden urge to cook after a long make out session.

"Come on, this time we're doing a good job and the ingredients were paid by us, this time if he catches us he won't have anything to blame us for"

He smiles as he rolls the dough into a croissant shape.

"You're right but still, I'm not sure having two dumbasses in your kitchen at 3am is the best way to wake up, even if you just want a glass of water."

the freckled boy finished making the shape and placed a napkin on the plate to let it sit and walked over to you and threw his arms around your waist.

"But I like to cook at night with my dumbass and my dumber self"

He chuckled and kissed your cheek.

"Pff, you're so cheesy, what's happening to you so suddenly, love? A second ago you were speaking broken French if I remember correctly."

You look at him, amused by his sudden display of affection.

"Hey, it's not my fault that my heart races when I see you."

"Oh, you're in your flirty state again, finish the croissant, idiot, and kiss me afterwards."

You both chuckled and he put his lips to yours, he was so goofy, my Lord.

"You two again???"

"Fuck, Tatch, wait, we can explain!"

[photogirl894]

"Sun and Rain Part 2: Age of the Empire"

Chapter 39

"Hard Hits"

A "Bad Batch" fanfic!

Pairing: Hunter x fem OC, Echo (more best friend pairing)

A/N: Well y'all...you knew this was coming 😅

Today is my last day of summer break before going back to work and what a better way to show my despair at going back to work by posting a chapter full of angst?? 😜 If you like angst, then you're gonna have a heyday with this one! I've had one scene in this chapter written for a looooong time now, so it's great to finally put it out there!

Also, there's a fun Kimber/Hunter moment I threw in based off of this art I got commissioned a while ago ��� See if you can spot it!

Hope y'all still enjoy! (Just don't hate me at the end of this one 😅)

Taglist: @the-sad-batch , @nimata-beroya , @intrepidmare , @legolkenxbi , @tech-aficionado ,

@ladykatakuri , @d1n0-dan , @sammi9498 , @darthzero22 , @scarlettrose9901 ,

@thebadbatchscyare , @chxpsi , @ilikemymendarkandfictional , @4pplecider , @locitapurplepink ,

@l-lend , @nekotaetae , @eternalwaffle , @merkitty49 , @avathebestx ,

@idoubleswearimawriter , @techs-stitches , @fantasyproductions , @totallyunidentified , @dreamsandrosies ,

@theknightofivanhoe

《 Chapter 38

》 Chapter 40

All parts (Part 2) (Part 1)

Explanation: Kimber and Hunter are now Crosshair's prisoners and things come to a head between the Bad Batch and Crosshair back on the planet where it all began....

Huddled together, Kimber and Hunter found themselves on the floor of an Imperial shuttle, still in cuffs and now sailing through hyperspace on their way to an undisclosed location. Two members of Crosshair's team were in the back area guarding them and standing by the door that led further into the ship. 

A loud alarm rang through the ship, indicating the door was about to open. Hunter's head lifted and his eyebrows furrowed together, which gave Kimber the indication of exactly who was coming. The door slid open and in strolled Crosshair, glaring down at the two of them. Kimber took notice that he had Hunter's knife attached to his belt.

“Where are we going?” Hunter asked him. 

Crosshair got down in front of him and pulled out Hunter's comm device from one of his pouches. “You'll find out soon enough,” he stated as he turned the device on, “and so will your squad.”

“Wow…so quick to forget they were your squad once, too. Your family, no less,” Kimber snapped, which he ignored as he stood back up. 

“Using my comm won't work. They'll know it's a trap,” Hunter debated. 

Crosshair looked back at him and simply stated, “They'll still come for you.”

“Oh, stop being coy, Crosshair,” said Kimber, irritated. “Where are you taking us?”

He side-eyed her for a moment before answering, “Back to where this all started.” Then with that, he turned on his heel and walked back through the door, letting it close behind him.

Kimber and Hunter exchanged anxious glances, wondering what Crosshair could possibly mean. Kimber’s gaze dropped in thought to her bound hands. Where could he be taking them? What did he mean by “where it all started”? Did he mean the Empire? That would probably mean Coruscant, but that didn’t seem as significant. Or perhaps he meant Order 66, which preceded even the Empire. That happened for them on Kaller, but even that didn’t seem to strike her as important enough to return to. No…there had to be another planet. One that meant something to all of them.

Then it hit her. He wasn’t talking about where things with the galaxy started. He was talking about where things with their squad started...where everything went wrong for them. 

That meant only one place.

“I know where we’re going,” Kimber stated aloud, turning to Hunter. 

“Quiet!” the female guard sternly scolded her. 

Now even more frustrated, Kimber replied with a roll of her eyes, “We're just talking. Calm down.”

“Hey! We said quiet!” the other guard; a male one stated gruffly.

“Or what? You going to kill me?” she challenged, getting up to her feet. “I don’t think your Commander will be happy with that since we’re his prisoners.”

“Kimber, don’t,” Hunter warned her.

The male guard stepped forward and ordered Kimber, “Sit down.”

Feeling emboldened by her anger, she looked the trooper down and defiantly responded, “No.”

The trooper was quick to react as the butt of his blaster rifle forcefully met her stomach. The wind was knocked out of her and, with a choked gasp, she dropped to a knee and clutched her stomach. Hunter immediately moved to stand up, but the other guard approached and held her weapon at his head to keep him from moving.

“That’s for disobeying orders!” the soldier who hit Kimber cried out. 

She coughed and gasped for breath before letting out a light snicker. “You should know this about me: I don’t like following orders...especially when they come from Imperial scum like you.”

She didn’t know what possessed her to be this audacious to the Imperial soldiers, but her anger and animosity of the situation was overpowering all sense of logic and common sense. The consequence of her statement was then being struck again by the Imperial’s blaster rifle, this time across the face. She let out a loud, pained cry and Hunter called her name in worry. Her left cheekbone throbbed from the impact and she clenched her teeth, holding herself together. This was nothing compared to other punishments she’d suffered in the past, but that didn’t exactly make the pain any less impactful still. 

The alarm rang again and the doors opened as Crosshair stepped inside, having heard the commotion from the other side. “Stand down,” he ordered the two guards.

Stepping back and standing again at attention, the male guard informed him, “She defied our orders, sir.”

Crosshair glanced at Kimber indignantly and commented, “She’s good at that.” 

Then he walked up to her and took her arm, pulling her up to her feet and towards the door. Kimber tried to resist and she heard Hunter cry out for her, but Crosshair removed her from the room with ease and the doors closed behind them. Once they were alone, he lightly pushed her into one of the safety seats in front of him on the side of the small hallway. She cast a displeased look up at him and then turned away. She didn’t even want to look at Crosshair right now. All she could feel was resentment towards him as he stood there, looking down on her.

Then he spoke, his voice oddly calm, “He hit you hard.” Then she felt his hand carefully touching her hurt cheek.

With an annoyed grunt, she swapped his hand away with her bound hands. “What of it?” she asked back.

Stepping back, he said, “I gave orders that you both were to be unharmed. I should reprimand him for using such force on you.”

She scoffed at the notion of him punishing his subordinate on her behalf. “Save your false pity. I don't want it,” she said, turning even more away.

“It isn’t false. You think I want to see you this way?” he asked.

“I don't know, Crosshair. What do you want?” she questioned him, now looking back at him. “Because frankly, I can't figure that out. You tried to kill us multiple times, then we find out it's most likely not of your own volition and then you were practically begging me not to fight last time I saw you. You seemed almost like yourself, but you still hold allegiance to the Empire. Even now, instead of outright killing me or Hunter, you've captured us and you're taking us back to Kamino.”

His eyes widened slightly.

Cocking her head to the side, she added confidently, “Yeah, I figured it out.”

An impressed grunt sounded from his throat. Then he replied, “You always were sharp.”

Kimber rolled her eyes, unamused, and turned her gaze away. “Oh, don't act familiar with me now. Unless you have anything to say to me that's actually worth my time, I want to go back with Hunter.”

“Kimber, why must you keep fighting me?” he demanded. 

That question ignited a spark of disbelief within her and her head snapped back in his direction, fire in her eyes. “Why must I--? If you're seriously asking me that question, then you're way more far gone than I thought,” she spat at him. Then she shook her head and sighed with defeat. “I really don't know who you are anymore.”

Crosshair simply stared back at her, his eyes instinctively going to the red mark on her cheek that was already beginning to bruise. Even now, seeing her hurt in any way made his blood run hot. He couldn’t suppress that even if he tried. He just wanted her to see reason with the Empire; to see the bigger picture like he did, but she was determined to keep opposing him no matter what. She didn’t understand what he was trying to do...but she would. He would see to that soon. 

He walked over to the doors, turned back to Kimber and told her, “I would advise you stay quiet. Make it easy on yourself.” Then he activated the doors and stepped aside, allowing her back into the room.

Kimber just gave him one more displeased glance and walked back inside without saying a word to him. Hunter, who was still seated on the floor, looked up at her immediately with concern and seemingly relaxed slightly as he realized she was okay. She took her place back beside him on the ground, giving him a nod of reassurance. There was definitely a look in his eye that told her he wanted to say something admonishing towards her for how she behaved earlier, but was choosing to stay quiet lest they get in trouble again. 

All they had to do now was wait in uncomfortable silence until they reached their destination.

They had no idea how long it had been when they felt the ship jolt out of hyperspace. Hunter reached over with his joined hands and took Kimber’s protectively in his own as they figured out they would soon be landing. A minute later, they heard the loud tapping of rainfall on the roof of the ship and Kimber’s shoulders sank. The rainfall confirmed they were exactly where she predicted they’d end up.

She turned to Hunter and mouthed silently, “Kamino.” To which, he nodded in understanding.

Soon, they were both told to get up by the guards and gruffly pulled to their feet. Crosshair came into the back with them, his helmet on over his head, and carrying both Hunter and Kimber’s helmets under his arm. The ramp to the ship lowered and Crosshair led his two hostages and the other soldiers out. Kimber recognized the Kaminoan hangar right away and could hear the clapping of the thunderstorms behind them outside. They were greeted by a young human male with light skin, brown hair and dressed in an Imperial officer’s uniform. Judging by the badge he had on his chest, Kimber deduced he was most likely an Admiral of some sort. He was escorted by five troopers; two in dark armor matching Crosshair’s and three in regular white armor. Crosshair and his group halted in front of the Imperial officer.

The Imperial asked in a deep, authoritative voice, “Where are the rest of them?”

“They’ll be here. We’ll intercept upon arrival,” Crosshair informed him. 

The Admiral directed his attention to Hunter and Kimber and stepped closer to them. “So you’re the ones they call ‘Hunter’ and ‘Kimber’,” he greeted them, his tone bordering on condescending. “The destruction your squad caused on Ryloth got my attention.”

Neither of them said a word to him and just remained stoic in their expressions.

It was then the Admiral took notice of the mark on Kimber’s face, which had darkened a bit more over time, and he commented, “A shame that such a lovely face like yours had to be so marred.”

She sneered, immediately annoyed at his backhanded compliment, and replied, “Keep talking like that and you’ll be saying that to yourself in a mirror.”

That earned her an elbow to the arm from Hunter, warning her to stay quiet.

“Admiral Tarkin described you as quite the feral woman…and I see he was correct in that regard,” said the Imperial. When he just got a glare in return, he turned back to Crosshair. “I leave this to you, Commander. Stay on schedule.”

Crosshair and his soldiers walked around the Admiral, forcefully pushing Hunter and Kimber forward, which aggravated them even more. They walked through the hangar and into the brightly-lit halls of Tipoca City, which was certainly something Kimber hadn’t missed at all. The strange thing, though, was that the halls were practically empty. There were no Clone troopers or Kaminoans walking around. Not even any young Clone cadets could be seen. Only a couple Imperial soldiers walked by and that was it. 

“Where are all the regs?” Hunter inquired. 

“When did you start caring about them?” Crosshair asked back, now with his blaster pointed at Hunter's back as they walked and having given Kimber's helmet to the other soldier with them. 

“No Kaminoans either,” said Hunter. Then it dawned on him. “This facility's being decommissioned.”

Kimber sighed as she now realized that upon hearing Hunter say it aloud. “Of course…,” she whispered. 

Hearing no reply to the contrary, Hunter remarked to Crosshair, “You don't seem too concerned.”

“Why would I be?” Crosshair questioned. 

Stopping to face his brother, Hunter responded, “Because the Empire will be phasing out Clones next.”

Jabbing his blaster into Hunter's chest, Crosshair stated, “Not the ones that matter.”

As Hunter glared at him, Kimber went on to ask him sharply, “What will that mean for me, then? I'm not a Clone. Are you saying I don't matter?”

“You've pushed your luck enough,” Crosshair answered her, “but I think the Empire could still make use of you.” 

“You think I’m just going to let the Empire use me the same way they’re using you? Not a chance,” she said snidely. 

The other trooper then pushed her forward with the tip of his gun and ordered, “Keep moving.”

The four of them continued on a few more feet and rounded a corner where they entered a Kaminoan security control room. The room was mostly lit by several multicolored holographic projections throughout. One of Crosshair's squadmates informed him that they had detected a ship entering the planet's system, but they had lost it below the scanner range, which Crosshair affirmed was the rest of Clone Force 99 and another one of the troopers said they would notify the scouts.

“Don't bother. They'll come to us,” Crosshair stated. Then he looked at Hunter and Kimber as he added, “They don't leave their own behind...most of the time.”

“Really? You're going to pull that card?” Kimber snapped as Crosshair removed his helmet.

“You tried to kill us. We didn't have a choice,” Hunter said sternly.

Crosshair sat down on one of the bowl-like seats in the room, scoffed lightly and asked as he placed a toothpick in his mouth, “And I did?”

Something about that simple question rendered both Kimber and Hunter speechless and they were unsure how to respond. Kimber almost said he did have a choice, but then remembered the inhibitor chip. In truth, he hadn't had a choice, but they hadn't known that at the time and that still didn't change the fact that he had shot at them and tried to kill them. All she could do was glance at Hunter with uncertainty, not knowing quite what to do. 

Hunter stayed quiet, too, for a moment, his mind going over every possible thing he could say to sway his brother. Despite how frustrated he was with Crosshair, there was still a part of him that wanted to get through to him. If not for his own sake, then for Kimber's. Crosshair's absence and actions had affected her the most and he hated seeing her suffer because of the chip in Crosshair's head. If there was a chance he could do something before the rest of his squad got involved, then he had to try and take it. 

He moved closer to Crosshair and said in a quieter voice so only they could hear, “Crosshair, we've seen what the Empire's doing...occupying planets and silencing anyone who stands against them. You know it's not right.”

Standing up from his seat and removing the toothpick, Crosshair replied nonchalantly, “You still don't see the bigger picture…but you will.”

“Ugh, just stop with the bigger picture talk. That's not what this is about,” Kimber put in, vexed at his inability to see past that mindset. 

Hunter sighed, exasperated. “Can't you see they're using you?” he asked, shaking his head. “It's that inhibitor chip in your head. It's making you follow--”

His words were cut off by the sound of an alarm blaring over the sound system and one of the troopers informing Crosshair that there was an unauthorized entry on one of the platforms. Hunter and Kimber exchanged knowing looks. The others were now inside the facility. 

“Right on schedule,” said Crosshair. “Time to go.”

“Crosshair, please, don't do this. I'm begging you,” Kimber pleaded with him. “Whatever you plan to do, leave the others out of it.”

He simply looked back at her and replied, “Who's the one begging now?”

As she gaped at him in disbelief, he shoved Hunter's helmet into his bound hands and then hers was given to her just as forcefully. Then they both were pushed forward again out the door by Crosshair's troopers. 

As they walked through the facility, the remainder of Crosshair's squad met up with them and continued on with them. Before long, Hunter and Kimber recognized where they were being led to. They were heading to the training room. Unfortunately, they both knew it would be easy for Crosshair and his soldiers to pick off the Bad Batch one by one since it was open ground. 

“I know what you're trying to do, Crosshair,” said Kimber as they kept going. 

Over his shoulder, he flatly replied, “Good for you.”

Knowing her squad's lives were at stake, she quietly said to him, “You said you wanted to talk back on Ryloth. Fine, then let's talk. It's not too late to stop this.”

“It is too late. You had your chance. All of this…will end here tonight,” he said back, quickening his pace away from her. 

She wanted to say more, but once again, one of the other troopers shoved her forward to keep her moving and she couldn’t suppress an annoyed growl at them. She wasn’t sure what to do. Maybe she should have just talked to Crosshair back on Ryloth when she’d been given the chance. Now, it might be too late…both for her and her squad. 

They soon reached the large training room and a wave of nostalgia hit Kimber right away. She remembered her first time in this room, fighting Droids on her own to try and prove herself to the Prime Minister. She remembered the last time they’d been to Kamino and the whole squad had been sent into this room to prove themselves to Admiral Tarkin and show the continued efficiency of Clone troopers. Now, they were back once more and it was most likely going to be the last place they’d ever see.

“Take your positions,” Crosshair ordered his troops, stopping Hunter and Kimber in place partway through the room and keeping his blaster aimed at their backs. 

The rest of the troopers situated themselves on either side of the room; two on the left and three on the right, but then they stopped around the center of the room instead of by the main entrance. Both Kimber and Hunter realized they were anticipating the Bad Batch were going to come up through the central lift instead of the entrance, knowing they’d still be following Hunter’s comm trace. They waited apprehensively for the rest of the squad to arrive. Kimber had a feeling the others would come up the lift instead of the entrance, thinking they’d get ahead of Crosshair…but unfortunately, he was already a step ahead of them. 

Kimber also took notice that one of Crosshair’s troopers had her sniper rifle on their back and she couldn’t help but sneer to herself. One way or another, she’d get her rifle back from them and if she had to, she would use it on that soldier first.

A few minutes later, just as Crosshair predicted, the central lift came up from below the floor and on the platform stood Echo, Wrecker and Tech with their weapons all drawn and Crosshair’s squad all raised their own weapons at them, showing the Clones they were outmatched. 

Patronizingly, Crosshair greeted them by tossing Hunter’s comm towards them and saying, “And here we all are…together again. You won’t be needing your weapons.”

The other soldiers slowly closed in on the Clones, warning them to get rid of their weapons. The Clones all looked to Hunter, who gave them a nod to comply. Begrudgingly, they all threw their blasters to the floor as well as a thermal detonator from Tech and Wrecker’s large vibroblade.

“See? Following orders isn’t so difficult,” Crosshair taunted them, though it was mostly directed at Hunter. Then he looked around slightly and asked the others, “Where’s your little sidekick?”

“You think we’d bring her here?” Wrecker questioned. He lifted his helmet up onto his head and added, “We’re smarter than that.”

“Lying was never your strength, Wrecker,” Crosshair stated. Then he ordered one of his soldiers to find Omega and they exited the room. 

Echo then called out, “Are you two all right?”

“We’re fine,” Kimber answered.  

“You are not. There is a contusion on your left cheek,” Tech pointed out.

Behind her, Crosshair snidely remarked, “That’s what happens to those who defy orders.”

“Yeah, something you used to be good at once,” Kimber said back. “Or have you conveniently forgotten that?”

Crosshair didn’t say anything back.

Soon, one of his troopers stated, “We’re running out of time, Commander.”

“Hold your positions,” Crosshair ordered.

It was then Hunter’s turn to look over to Crosshair and, with a glare on his face, he asked, “So this was your grand plan? Bring us here and kill us?”

“If I wanted you dead, you would be,” Crosshair said back, his voice turning dark under his helmet. “Not that it wouldn’t be justified.”

“Justified? Are you kidding me?” Kimber questioned, appalled. “What have we done that would justify killing us?”

“You betrayed everything we stood for,” Crosshair answered, “And for what? The Republic?”

Hunter responded steadfastly, “We’re loyal to each other, not some Empire.”

Crosshair then said five words that struck both Hunter and Kimber to the core:

“You weren’t loyal to me.”

The two of them went wide-eyed in shock and couldn’t find the words to reply to him. That wasn’t the response they were anticipating. 

He continued, “I was one of you. You may have forgotten, but I haven’t. And it’s why I’m going to give you what you never gave me...a chance.”

Crosshair’s squad all turned their heads to him in surprise and even the other Clones were astonished, too. Hunter and Kimber still remained silent. What did this mean for them? What was Crosshair really doing?

Just then, he put a finger up to the side of his helmet, getting a transmission. Then he spoke aloud, “Send her on a shuttle off-world.”

Kimber’s anxiety spiked hearing that. That meant Omega had been found.

“Crosshair, don’t,” Hunter said.

“It’s for her own good…and yours,” Crosshair said back.

Hunter pushed further, insisting, “Omega belongs with us.”

“Living among fugitives where she’s in constant danger?” Crosshair asked. Then he scoffed in bemusement. “You want to protect the kid, then let her go. Stop pretending to be something you're not, Hunter.”

Before she could stop herself, Kimber said snarkily back, “Oh, that's rich coming from you, Crosshair, thinking you have any importance in this Empire! You think this is who you are? You're no different than the regs you claim to hate so much.”

Turning to Kimber, Crosshair replied, “I am not. None of us are.” He looked back at Hunter. “You know this, too, Hunter. We're not like the regs. We never have been. We're superior.” Once again, his tone grew ominous as he went on, “The Empire can't protect the galaxy without strength. This is what we were made for. Think of all we could do...together.”

With one fluid motion, Crosshair then pulled out Hunter's knife from his belt and broke Hunter's cuffs with one downward stroke. Afterwards, he pushed him forward towards his brothers. Kimber inhaled shakily in fear of whatever Crosshair had planned.

“We were brothers once,” Crosshair said to Hunter, not paying heed to Kimber still beside him. “We can be again.”

Kimber wanted that more than anything; it was all she had wished for, for months and at any other time, she would've welcomed that chance without hesitation…but something in his voice indicated that what he was proposing was not what she or any of the others wanted. Something still wasn’t right.

Hunter inquired suspiciously, “Why would we trust you?”

In response, Crosshair aimed his blaster at them again.

“No!” Kimber cried out, going to run forward.

“Don’t move,” Crosshair ordered, whirling around on her and pointing his blaster her way. When she stopped, he then said, “I don’t want to make you a part of this.”

“Commander?” one of the troopers asked, puzzled at the favoritism his Commander was showing.

Kimber glared harshly at Crosshair. Now, he had the audacity to care about what happened to her and put her above his brothers? All she wanted to do was give him a piece of her mind, but with the blaster pointed at her, she was disgruntled and kept her mouth shut.

With that, Crosshair turned his weapon back to his brothers and then ordered his squad to stand down, but to everyone’s surprise, they actually refused his order and kept their weapons aimed at the Clones. The tension of the moment was almost palpable as the Clones and Kimber apprehensively waited for Crosshair’s next move. 

They weren’t prepared for what happened next. 

Crosshair fired his blaster…off to the side, where the shot suddenly bounced off the wall and around the room in the blink of an eye and, to the Clones’ and Kimber’s shock, all of Crosshair’s squadmates dropped dead to the floor, each of them with a smoking hole in their bodies. In that moment, the Bad Batch all discovered that Crosshair's reflective discs had been strategically placed throughout the room and had reflected his shot to kill his squad. 

He had been planning for this all along. 

When everyone looked to Crosshair with both curiosity and caution, he approached them, took off his helmet and asked Hunter, “Does that answer your question?”

“Crosshair…!” Kimber gasped out, still too stunned at what had just happened. She was stunned even more when Crosshair unexpectedly turned to face her and cut her bindings off with Hunter’s knife.

However, any hope in the situation was short-lived as Crosshair started walking towards them, his blaster aimed at them again. Hunter put himself in front of Kimber and they both guardedly moved back as Crosshair advanced.

“You all are meant for more than drifting through the galaxy. It’s time to stop running,” he said to them as he then lowered his weapon. Then he implored them, “Join the Empire…and you will have purpose again.”

Kimber could feel her heart dropping. She should’ve known this seemed too easy and too good to be true. “You think that’s what this is all about: not knowing our purpose?” she asked in unbelief.

“You really don’t get who we are, do you?” Hunter also questioned. 

Crosshair’s face darkened from the shadows that framed his face and his facial expressions contorted with enmity, his eyes widening with fury. “Don’t make the same mistake twice. Don’t become my enemy,” he threatened, a growl in his low voice unlike anything they’d ever heard from him before. 

“Crosshair…we never were,” Hunter countered, his expression crestfallen.

Finally, Kimber had had enough. She was so disheartened at Crosshair’s relentless insistence that they join the Empire and acting as though they were the villains in this situation. There were things she wanted to say to him that she’d been bottling up the whole time. Inside, she felt like a dam ready to burst and couldn’t let this go on any longer. 

She pushed past Hunter’s arm, stepped up and asked, “Crosshair...can you look me in the eye and tell me that you're truly happy with the Empire?”

“Kimber, no,” Hunter said warningly.

She ignored him and kept going, her gaze set intently on Crosshair and her voice strong and tenacious, “Can you look me...in the eye...and tell me that you would rather obey the Empire's orders and impose oppression on several planets than traversing the galaxy with us? I know you think we're meant for more than that, but would that really be so bad right now? Wouldn't you rather just be with us instead of helping spread terror through the galaxy?” She took another step closer to him and her tone turned to pleading. “You know what the Empire is doing is wrong. With them, you might have found a semblance of acceptance in a time of pain, but did you really find happiness or purpose? I refuse to believe you have. I know you think we abandoned you...and I am sorry for that.” 

Listening to her, Crosshair’s face seemingly began to soften slightly.

“You think you're giving us a chance, but that's not what this is. You now have a chance to escape all of this!” she said emotionally. Then she took a risk and moved even closer to him so she was directly in front of him, looking up into his face, and she laid her hands on his arms, which made him flinch. “Come back with us, Crosshair. Come back to your family, where you really belong. You need us...and more importantly, we need you. I need you. I need my partner back. I need my brother back. You and me, we're the eyes in the sky together...remember? I've said these things a thousand times and I'll say them a thousand more. Please, I'm begging you...come home, brother.” 

She released his arms and stepped back, her eyes searching his face for his potential reaction. There was conflict in his eyes as he glanced down to the ground, seemingly in deep thought. She wasn’t sure what he was thinking and she wished she could see into his mind. Had anything she said had an affect on him at all? Had she finally been able to get through to him? 

Finally, he spoke up, “Kimber…I--”

The alarms inside the room went off all of a sudden, which made everyone jump in surprise. Right after that, the turret towers rose up from the ground as did several rows of training Droids. This was an unexpected complication. To make things worse, Hunter suddenly sprinted past Kimber and tackled Crosshair to the ground.

“No…!” Kimber groaned at seeing that happen, just when she thought maybe she’d gotten through to Crosshair, but there was no time to focus on it as, a second later, the Droids started firing on them. 

Kimber quickly leapt and rolled behind the barricade closest to her as the other three grabbed their weapons from off the ground and started firing at the Droids. As she crouched behind her cover, she spotted the now dead trooper that had her sniper rifle and she pulled it off of their back.

“Serves you right,” she mumbled aloud as she put the rifle back together. Then she leaned back and placed her back against the battlement just as Echo crouched behind it next to her.

“Hey, why did you activate the Droids?” she heard Wrecker ask loudly in annoyance.

“This was not my doing,” Tech responded. 

Echo and Kimber both popped up from behind their cover and took some more shots at the Droids, which now seemed to be coming from every corner of the room.

“Ugh, they're everywhere!” Kimber complained.

“I don't know what brought them in here, but be careful, Kim,” Echo told her.

As she kept shooting at the Droids, she glanced over to where Hunter and Crosshair were still struggling against each other on the ground, wishing they would stop. Then there came a shot from high up, taking out one of the Droids closest to them. When she looked up, she saw Omega up on one of the towers, her bow drawn, and next to her was AZI, the medical Droid. All Kimber could do was hope the kid would stay safe in this fight. She continued fending off the Droids coming their way and she saw Hunter finally kick Crosshair off of him. They continued to fight as they got to their feet. Kimber wanted to keep her eyes on them to ensure they didn't hurt each other, but there were more Droids heading for them. Her first instinct was to protect both of them, so she continued shooting the Droids behind them. 

A few seconds later, she saw Hunter grab Crosshair around his waist, pick him up and then full on body slam him to the ground, rolling over top of him and coming back up with both his blaster in one hand and his vibroblade in the other. With Crosshair down for a moment, Hunter seized the opportunity to start shooting the Droids, as well.

Just then, another set of Droids came up from the floor right in the middle of the room; behind Hunter and in between the battlements everyone else was hiding behind. Kimber jumped over to the other side as Echo moved himself out of the way, too, as did Wrecker and Tech on their side. Hunter also turned around to fight them, leaving his back exposed to Crosshair. They were all now completely surrounded, but they weren't going to give up. 

Kimber fired at the new wave of Droids...and then heard the familiar sound of another sniper rifle.

Her head whipped around and she was astonished to see Crosshair had stood up with his rifle and was now also shooting the Droids. He wasn't running or trying to go for Hunter while his back was turned. He was actually helping her and the others fight the current threat! She couldn't believe it! 

The others noticed, too, and it felt as though they had an extra push to fight as hard as they could. Wrecker came out from behind the battlement, drawing his large blade, and stabbed the Droid closest to him, kicking it back to give everyone room to move. Everyone jumped out into the open at once, their weapons firing all around the room at the Droids. In that pivotal moment, with all six members of the Bad Batch back together in the same place, it felt as though they were fighting as a real squad again.

Kimber saw movement off to the side of the room and saw that the one remaining member of Crosshair's Imperial squad; the one who had gone off to find Omega had returned. Seeing that the rest of the squad had been killed off by their Commander, Kimber saw no reason to leave this one standing. She directed her sights onto the Imperial soldier and fired at her, but she were quick to avoid Kimber's shots as she backed out and ran out the training room's side door. Kimber ran forward a couple steps to go after her, but then she stopped, glancing back at her boys. She couldn't leave them now, not when they were in danger. They needed her here. She was just going to have to let the Imperial soldier go. 

As she ran back into the fray, Wrecker threw a Droid through the air that crashed into another one. Then Hunter ran at a Droid, jumped up onto it and stabbed right into its neck area with his knife. The Droid started short-circuiting and wobbling with Hunter still holding onto it until Crosshair took a shot directly at its head. As it toppled over, Hunter leapt off and the two of them shared a quick glance before diverting their attention to other incoming attacks. Wrecker, Echo and Tech had moved to higher ground while Hunter, Kimber and Crosshair stayed on the main level.

Kimber was shooting at the Droids and evading their shots when she found herself back to back against Hunter, who met her gaze over his shoulder, smirked and then told her as they continued fighting, “I couldn't say it before, so I'll say it now: you are by far the most hot headed trouble-seeker of a woman I've ever met.”

Knowing he was referring to her misbehavior back on the shuttle, she just grinned to herself and said back, “Compliment me later, Sergeant.” Then she took back up her rifle and resumed firing at the Droids, ducking out of the way of a bolt that shot just between them and springing off to the side. She fired a shot at the Droid that had just fired at them and it went straight through the center. 

“Kimber, behind you!” Wrecker called to her on the other side of the room. 

She heard the warning and turned around to see a Droid right behind her. Before she could react, the Droid shoved her, sending her flying back a few feet and her rifle fell out of her hand. She quickly sat up and saw two blaster bolts come from behind her and hit the Droid in the neck and the head. When she looked behind her, she expected it to be Hunter, but she was wrong.

Her savior had been Crosshair. 

He simply gave her a nod and went back to fighting the rest of the enemies. She was taken aback for a brief moment. He had saved Hunter earlier and now, he had just saved her. Surely, that had to mean something; that he still cared…maybe the Crosshair she knew was beginning to come back. 

Swiftly, Kimber picked up her rifle, got to her and rejoined in the fight. She noticed Omega had somehow made her way down from the tower to the ground along with AZI. The number of Droids left was dwindling down thanks to everyone’s efforts and very soon, all of them were taken down. Now, all that was left was dealing with Crosshair. Hunter and Crosshair were in the center of the room; Wrecker, Echo, Tech and Omega were all on one side and Kimber was on the other and they all closed in towards the middle of the room just as Crosshair faced Hunter…and Hunter raised his blaster at him. 

“Hunter, please don’t!” Kimber cried out, coming up next to him. She stole a look at Crosshair across from him and he looked conflicted...even minorly defeated. Though, when she looked back at Hunter, there was a forlorn look in his face and in his eyes as he gazed over at his brother.

Then he spoke, desperately pleading similarly to how Kimber had earlier, “Crosshair…forget the Empire. This isn’t you. It’s your inhibitor chip. We can help you.”

Crosshair shook his head and responded, his voice low again, “Wrong. I had my chip removed…a long time ago.”

That response stunned all the Clones and they were rendered speechless.

For Kimber…her world was shattered in an instant.

Crosshair’s chip had been removed? What did this mean? More importantly, when had this happened? Given all the things he’d done in general, to his brothers and the things he’d done to her, how much of it had been because of the chip and how much of it had been of his own volition? All this time, she’d believed he could never have done any of those things of his own free will; the Crosshair she knew and loved would never threaten her, his family or other innocent people! No…he had to be lying. There was no way this was true. Her blood ran cold and her body went numb just thinking about it.

Finally, Hunter broke the silence. “Since when?” he asked.

“Does it matter?” Crosshair asked in return, exasperated and with a shake of his head. 

“Yes!” Hunter growled at him, his teeth now clenching in anger at Crosshair’s reluctance to answer.

Kimber wanted to shout at him that of course it mattered when he got his chip out and to demand he tell the truth, but she was too stunned to speak. All she could do was stare at Crosshair.

Then, with a look of frustration, Crosshair responded to Hunter, “This…is who I am.”

“No...NO!” Kimber finally screamed, a mix of sorrow and outrage growing within her. “This is not who you are, Crosshair! Stop lying to us! I know you and you would never do any of this willingly! You would never! Please, tell me this isn’t true!”

He glanced over at her, but his expression remained unchanged and he said nothing back to her. That only broke Kimber’s heart even more and she felt incredibly betrayed, even more than she had before on Bracca. 

“No…it can’t be,” she thought despairingly in her mind.

As he turned his glaring attention back to Hunter, she noticed his hand that held his rifle twitch ever so slightly and his finger was inching up towards the trigger.

Crosshair brought up his weapon and a stun blast was fired.

Hunter watched as Crosshair got disoriented, fell to his knees and then collapsed forward onto the floor. However, he had been shocked to see Crosshair drop all of a sudden because the stun shot had not come from his own blaster, even though he had been a millisecond away from firing it. His head turned to Kimber next to him and he saw she was standing there, her eyes wide in sad horror, panting heavily and with her rifle raised.

She had been the one to stun him. 

Taking note of the pain in her eyes, Hunter sheathed his vibroblade, put away his blaster and approached her, gently placing one hand on her arm and the other on her rifle. “Easy, love. It’s okay,” he said to try and help calm her, lightly pushing down on her weapon to get her to lower it.

“No…it’s not,” she replied, tears forming in her eyes.

He removed his hand from her rifle and brought it up to her face, tenderly rubbing his thumb on her cheek and giving her an encouraging look, one that was silently telling her to stay strong. Even though what had just happened was heartbreaking, they were going to be okay and figure things out. She wasn’t confident in what he was trying to tell her, but she still appreciated his attempt to reassure her nonetheless and she leaned more into his hand, taking in what warmth she could.

After he stepped away, they realized everyone else was walking up to them and Omega suddenly came running down and threw her arms around Hunter, relieved to see he was okay. Kimber, however, kept her eyes on Crosshair unconscious on the floor. She didn’t know who she was really looking at anymore. What would she even say to him whenever he came to? She wanted to scream, cry, run away, punch him while he was down…then right then, she felt a pair of arms hug her around her waist, pulling her out of her thoughts and back into reality. When she glanced down, she found herself looking into the bright, brown eyes and smiling face of Omega. Grateful for the young girl’s comforting hug, Kimber laid a hand on Omega’s head and smoothed her hair, mustering up a smile for her. After the kid let her go, Kimber walked over to where everyone else was standing around, watching Hunter crouch down beside Crosshair and inspect his head.

A few seconds passed when they all heard beeping and Tech stepped forward, declaring urgently to Hunter while looking at his datapad, “Three Venators are descending into the city. We need to leave now.”

Heeding Tech’s warning, Hunter proceeded to pick up Crosshair’s rifle and pack, placed the pack on his own back and ordered Wrecker to grab Crosshair. “He’s coming with us,” he said.

Kimber hadn’t expected Hunter to say that, given the information she’d just learned about Crosshair. “We’re…taking him back?” she asked Hunter, a slight sliver of hope in her tone just as Wrecker lifted Crosshair and slung him over his shoulder.

He gave her a nod. “We’ll figure things out with him once we get out of here…but we’re not leaving him behind again,” he avowed.

She would’ve burst into tears in that moment if they weren’t in immediate danger, so she withheld her emotions for the time being. Putting her rifle on her back, she gave him a nod back and stated, “Let’s leave this Forceforsaken place.”

With that, the Clones, Kimber and AZI took off running from the training room and into the bright white hallways of Tipoca City, the urgency of their situation giving them the speed they needed. They were all reunited, they had Crosshair back with them--albeit a bit against his will--and now, they had to get away before the Empire cornered them and captured them. They had to move fast.

Suddenly, everything around them trembled. The ground shook beneath them and they all started to stumble and lose their balance. The lights in the corridor flickered briefly and then were suddenly shut off. Something was happening outside and it definitely wasn’t good. Hunter called to everyone to hurry and get to the outside lift. They picked up speed and reached the door to the outside, halting immediately as they got out into the rain.

To everyone’s terror, they saw and could hear laser fire raining down from the sky onto the city and everything before them was being destroyed. In seconds, there was a huge, thundering explosion directly in front of them, blowing up a good portion of the pathway. 

“Back inside! Go!” Hunter cried out, turning around and going back the other way.

Kimber turned to follow and saw that Omega was still standing in place, watching in fright the horrors that were unfolding in front of her as her home was being destroyed before her very eyes. AZI had grabbed her hand, but she wasn’t moving. 

“Omega, we have to go! Now!” Kimber cried frantically, taking Omega by the shoulders and giving her a necessary shove back towards the door and after the others.

Just as Omega started running, another laser blast suddenly hit the spot where she had just been standing, blowing up a chunk of the bridge, and the force of the blast sent Kimber flying backwards further down the pathway. She rolled and ended up going over the broken edge, but her hand quickly grabbed the ledge. Unfortunately, she could feel her gloved hand already starting to lose her grip on the ledge that was slick from the heavy rain. She heard, even over the sounds of the Venator fire, Omega and a couple of the others scream her name, but she knew that if any of them came out after her, they would more than likely get killed.

All she could do was yell, “Run!” just before her hold on the edge of the bridge was lost.

[c0ffee-stain]

Whispers

Five Hargreeves x f!reader

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Denial

The scratches and taps of chalk against the boy's bedroom wall, along with the gentle breeze whistling outside the window was enough to slowly lull me into a state of peace I hadn't felt in years. The usual quiet and calm nature of the Hargreeves estate differed immensely to the lively, bustling headquarters of the Commission. A place where people were afraid to sleep in fears of waking up with a knife in their back, or not waking up at all.

A thought passed through my mind, forcing the ends of my lips to curl upwards in a sly manner. Even though I despised the Hargreeves family and everything they stood for, I couldn't deny the beauty of the house, with its grand, rich ebony doors, exposed brick, and meticulous fireplace.

A great location to purchase once my mission is completed and my retirement begins. My mind quickly crafted a plan to purchase the house several decades before the Umbrella Academy decided to make it theirs, and stick to the natural antiquity of the estate.

The loud screech of chalk against the wall pulled me out of my thoughts to focus on the boy in uniform in front of me, who was standing atop his bed. I grimaced at the sound and saw that Five had abruptly stopped and was now faced towards me.

His features were filled with distaste while watching my figure that was sprawled out over his chair, but quickly softened as he addressed his dear wife.

"I think I've got something, Delores."

"And what's that?" I responded, my annoyance clear.

"I wasn't talking to you." Five turned to face his chalkboard of a wall again, circling what looked to be a group of names.

"Yes, you made that very clear," I rolled my eyes and readjusted my position on the chair. "but I thought that since you dragged me into your mess without my consent and expect us to work together, I'd know what the fuck you've been doing for the last hour."

An agitated sigh escaped his lips as the boy bit his tongue to stop himself from releasing a colourful collection of curses. Things had to remain civil at the least if he wanted to make some progress. Even if it meant sacrificing his pride, he would endure the annoyance and pain I’d constantly bring him.

The boys mouth opened to finally give me even the slightest bit of information, only for the door to burst open to reveal Luther strolling in, his face contorted in confusion once his gaze met the equations sprawled out on his brothers room.

"What's all this?"

"It's a probability map."

"Probability of what?"

"Of who's death could save the world."

If the brothers noticed my sudden jolt on interest and the way my head snapped towards them, they didn't comment. I was quick to suck in a deep breath to stop the corners of my lips from tugging upwards a bit too much.

"I've narrowed it down to four."

"Are you saying one of these people cause the apocalypse?"

"No, I'm saying their death might prevent it." Five responded, his eyes drifting to his brother's before landing on mine, lingering for a little too long. A faint alarm began to ring in my mind at the assassins brief but significant extended glance. There was something hidden deep behind the sea of green in his eyes.

Suspicion.

Four names. Four possibilities. All I needed was four minutes- less even. The key to end the cycle of murder, fear and pain I've been trapped in my whole life was right in front of me. The chalk written names were practically taunting me, begging me to kill the two brothers standing with their backs turned to me like cattle moments away from being slaughtered.

All I'd need is four minutes. But I knew it was too soon and too risky. I had to wait a little longer, make Jasper wait a little longer.

Just a few minutes longer.

"Oh." Luther paused. "I still don't get it."

Five turned to his brother and fiddled with the chalk between his fingers. He was excited, clearly. Excited and relieved that he had found a possible answer to the problem he had been forced to endure all throughout his life, forced to endure the everlasting consequences he couldn't even begin to imagine before he made that fateful jump. He also needed a few minutes longer until his suffering was over.

I couldn't wait to see the look of total despair on his face once he realises that his efforts were for nothing.

"Time is fickle, Luther. The slightest alteration in events can lead to massively different outcomes in the time continuum. The butterfly effect." This, Luther seemed to understand.

"So all I have to do is find the people with the greatest probability of impacting the time line, wherever they may be, and kill them." The boy finally explained, expelling some of the tension within him.

I made my way to the wall and onto Five's bed, standing on top as I memorised each name imprinted on the wall.

Milton Green. Aleks Cameron. KC Chavez. Robert Palko.

"Milton Green," The name left my mouth in a low murmur. "That's the person you found most likely?"

"Is he a terrorist or something, Five?"

Said brother looked up and squinted his eyes as he tried to read the names off of his wall. He began to quickly scrawl the names into his notebook before stating, "I believe he is a gardener."

"A murderous gardener." I added, quick to notice the shock pull at his face.

I jumped off the bed and pulled on the long jumper that hung behind my previous seat, shooting an innocent smile at the man.

"Wait, this is madness, Five-" Luther extended his arms in bewilderment as his voice began to increase in volume from the shock of the situation presented before him. He span to face me, pointing an accusatory finger at my figure. "You--"

However his attention was stolen away from me and to his brother pulling out a large case from under his bed containing a rifle.

"Feeling nostalgic, aren't we?" My mouth tilted into an lopsided grin, one I knew the boy beside me despised.

Betraying the composed attitude he had tried to maintain for all 24 hours, Five twisted his neck to face me, a tight lipped smile gracing his lips. "If I was really feeling nostalgic then I'd do what I did in Copenhagen." His hands delicately removed the rifle from its case, the weapon sitting perfectly in his calloused hands while his eyes shifted to mine like they did before.

"It seems that you've forgotten what I did in retaliation to your... bold actions."

"Oh," Five chuckled lowly, shaking his head as he looked through the rifles scope. "How could I forget?"

An unwelcome voice tore through the tense atmosphere, the bubbles of anger brewing beneath Five and I's skin being directed to his brothers sputtering.

"But you guys can't- This guy Milton is just an innocent man."

"It's basic math." Five cut him off abruptly. "His death could potentially save the lives of billions. If I did nothing he'd be dead in four days anyway. The apocalypse won't spare anyone."

"We don't do this kind of thing."

"We are not doing anything." His words came out in a drawl, his tone forming into one someone would use when dumbing something down for a child.

A breathy exhale left my lungs and my lips pressed together tightly. I could practically feel the precious time that could've been used quickly slip through my fingers as the two Hargreeves continued bickering as if they had all the time in the world.

"I can't let you go and kill innocent people. No matter how many lives you'll save."

"You're serious?" My face twisted to display an expression that practically reeked in distaste for the man in front of me. "How do you know their innocent?"

Luther snapped his neck towards me, "How do you know their guilty?"

My eyes shifted towards Five for a second, noticing he was looking at me with the same baffled look in his eyes, before I turned back to the man that stood at over 6-feet.

"You're serious?" I deadpanned. "How thick is that skull of yours? Have you not been listening to a single word said? Do you have some sort of mental condition that I should take into consideration?" The questions that easily rolled off my tongue seemed to cause the mans brain to short-circuit at the sudden verbal attack he couldn't tell was sarcasm or not.

His mouth opened and closed, mirroring a goldfish stranded out on land. While his lips faltered to utter a word as his voice lodged in his throat, his determination and false assumption that we would consider listen to him because he was dubbed, 'number one' as a child seemed to be stronger than the shock and spike at his ego.

The click of Five's tongue against the roof of his mouth rang across the room. "That seems to be our cue." He uttered between gritted teeth and his eyes flickered to mine with a small, reluctant nod of his head.

Having to rely on his siblings usually took a toll on the boy's pride and ego. I couldn't imagine the annoyance brimming in his tiny body having to trust me of all people. The thought brought a faint smile to my lips.

"You're not going anywhere."

"Oh for fucks sake--" An embarrassing squeal tore from the depths of my vocal chords as I was suddenly grabbed by the back of my collar by a large hand, and swung across and out of the room, dangling from outside a window.

I looked down, a wave of deja-vu washing over me.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" I screeched, looking up at the man that nonchalantly gripped my collar with a few fingers, unbothered by the predicament I was in.

If I was asked who the last person I'd trust with my life would be, I'd pick the asshat taunting me with sudden death by heights. And coming from someone who was a field agent for The Commission, that was something I'd never thought I'd consider.

To think that my partner of sorts would come to my aid was a stupid thought I wish I didn't have. The second my head span to look inside the room, expecting the boy to pull out his rifle in retaliation, my brows furrowed and forehead creased to see him do absolutely nothing.

"You asshole!" I seethed, my skin burning from the raw rage coursing through my veins. "What the fuck do you think you're doing standing there? Tell you're gorilla of a brother to put me down!"

An awkward silence stuffed the already small room as Luther and I watched Five carefully for his reaction. Apart from the brief tensing of the jaw, an annoyed sigh, and the shuffling of the weapon in his hands, the assassin remained unbothered, planted to his spot as he watched the scene before him unfold. The only emotion in his stiff face being the upwards twitch of his lips in amusement.

My lips parted and eyes narrowed in a mixture of irritation and shock, Luther's face creasing into a similar expression.

"Wait, you're seriously not gonna do anything?" The bewilderment in Luther's voice seemed to go into Five's ear and out the other. The man looked down towards my dangling figure, embarrassment burning through him as his face flushed red. However once he turned back to face his brother, a certain mannequin caught his eye and another lightbulb lit in his brain.

He reached over to his side and grabbed Delores, who was sitting peacefully on a chair, and with his free arm dangled the plastic doll out of the window beside me.

The sight of Five's wife being manhandled across the room and threatened with the possibility of being dropped several metres onto the concrete pavement, seemed to cause something to snap within him.

In a spilt second, the rifle was held tightly between the boys fingers and aimed directly at Luther's head, his face pulled into a sneer with his jaw clenched dangerously tight.

"Put... her... down." His voice came out in deep, measured breaths, using all the strength he could muster not to pull the trigger while eyeing his brother through the scope.

"Put the gun down," The blond watched Five cautiously, subconsciously tightening his grip on my collar. "You're not killing anyone."

If someone had told me that Five's face could tense more than it is now, I would've simply laughed in their face. A short, exasperated burst of a laugh left my lips at the sight of the veins pushing beneath Five's pale skin so tightly that I wouldn't be surprised if they'd burst any time soon. All because of a plastic torso with a head.

While here I was, being threatened with death, not even wanting to be here in the first place.

"I know she's important to you, so don't make me do this." Luther spoke, testing to see how is brother would react at the words carefully rolling off his tongue. His voice dropped an octave, trying to make sure things remained civil. "It's either her or the gun."

I shook my head, blood boiling beneath my skin, knowing very well the man was referring to the plastic doll next to me.

Five adjusted his stance and grip on the gun. His body twitched and grip trembled as he fought the war taking place inside him. His tongue darted out to hastily lick his lips before getting back to grinding his teeth.

In any other situation, I'd think he was experiencing paradox psychosis.

"You decide."

For a moment, I thought Five was going to give in to his brothers words, with the way the pistol faltered from its aim and his breathing seemed to steady.

But then I remembered. I was dealing with Five Hargreeves.

My eyes snapped open from their tired slant once I felt Luther grab a larger fistful of the fabric of my clothes, before easily throwing me out of the window as if it were some sort of second nature.

A surprised, "Shit." was all I was able to say. An odd wave of numbness washed over me, contradicting the uneasiness that churned in my stomach as my body hung mid-air for a brief moment. I quickly contemplated all my life decisions that brought me here. Here in the spectacular scene of being discarded like trash into a dumpster by none other than Luther-fucking-Hargreeves.

My eyes made contact with a flash of blue swallowing the mannequin that was thrown beside me, whole. I rolled my eyes back at the ridiculousness playing out in front of me.

Of course the idiot was going to save his non-sentient wife over the person he kidnapped, drugged and practically forced by his side to save the world.

Wind rushed against my body falling through the polluted city air, and the thought of using a familiar... asset of mine to save myself was only proving to be more reliable than betting on the idea that the assassin might just save me from my impending doom.

I flexed my hands, my body tingling as the sensation began to course through my veins. My ears drowned out the rush of wind and focussed on the incomprehensible voices clawing at my skull for even a second of attention.

In a few seconds, I was going to reveal my greatest strength and greatest weakness all at once.

'At last--'

A shocked gasp left my lips at the feeling of a pair of hands digging tightly into my waist, and a sudden disorientation flooding my mind and body. Instead of making contact with the harsh concrete awaiting my fall, I found myself standing in the middle of Five's bedroom as if nothing had happened.

I looked down at my feet and back up again, making eye contact with the two brothers staring at me. One with a look of cautiousness and regret, whilst the other scoffed in amusement at my dishevelled hair and rapidly blinking eyes.

"You look constipated." Five said, in a matter-of-fact tone. Quicker than I could re-assemble my thoughts, he roughly grabbed the back of my shirt and pulled my towards him as we left the room and travelled through the houses myriad of corridors.

Before the boy could manhandle me any more, I stopped in my tracks and shoved his iron-clad grip off of my shoulder.

"What are you doing--!"

I cut him off, barely able to contain the irritation with the male standing in front of me. "No," I forced out a laugh. "What the fuck are you doing, Five?" I shoved my index finger against his forehead and watched his eyes widen in anger.

"The apocalypse is in two fucking days and you've done absolutely nothing. We are nowhere closer to saving this damned world and the fucking Handler is breathing down our necks, ready to send more agents our way." I seethed between clenched teeth. "So tell me," I licked my cracked lips, "what on earth does that smooth brain of yours plan to do now?"

"What I plan to do next?" Five shook his head and scoffed. "No no, the real question is what do you plan to do next." He pulled his finger back and flicked it against my forehead in retaliation. "You think I don't know you?" He began, his biting tone accompanying the cruel grin stretched on his lips.

“You think I don’t see through your whole act? Well news flash, I fucking do.” He enunciated each word, jabbing his finger with every syllable. “I don’t know what your hiding or what you’re planning, but once I find out, I’ll do to you what I plan to do to that apocalypse-starting gardener I’m just itching to get my hands on.”

The bustling and muted voice of Luther upstairs caused the boy to scoff as his brother called out our names.

Five pressed his lips into a thin line as he proceeded to look me dead in the eyes, his cold gaze attempting to find any cracks in the barriers caging my emotions from spilling into the open. No matter how heated things would get, the boy knew nothing more of what rummaged in my mind other than the obvious irritation and hatred towards him.

It angered Five to no extent.

He struggled to find what exactly fazed me, struggled to see past the anger he already knew too well, and into the malicious thoughts he was certain crept with full intent in the back of my mind, ready to strike.

When confronted with the emptiness of my eyes he felt more vulnerable than ever. Because in Five’s experience, not knowing is worse than death could ever be.

Even now, he watched as I bit down on my tongue and the slight bulge on my veins with slight curiosity for as to what lurked beneath the restraints I kept in place.

But he was certain he was going to find out. One way or another, he was going to find his leverage and gain the control he longed to hold.

Alas for now, he was stuck with the ever-growing pit of anxiety digging deeper in his stomach.

Heavy stomps creaking with every step tore Fives attention from the depths of his thoughts and to his brother who was hastily walking towards us, somewhat relieved that we hadn’t left yet.

“So…” My lips ticked downwards at Luther’s constant unwelcome intrusions. “Where are we heading off too?”

------

I took my seat in Five's car, drowning out the faint pulsing of pain from my shoulder and instead focussed on Luther's burning stares against my temple. I turned my neck and watched as he reluctantly took residence in the back, the van creaking from his sudden weight.

"You didn't answer my question--"

Five slammed his foot against the pedal, the vehicle suddenly accelerating forwards with a harsh BOOM thudding from what sounded to be Luther falling back against the floor, or his skull cracking open.

Hopefully the latter.

I shifted my concentration to the driver, not sure whether to be concerned or not at his reckless driving. With every red light in our way, Five only increased the cars speed, just barely evading a fatal collision. Confident he was trying to get us killed, I swiftly put my seatbelt on and eyed the boy carefully as if he'd burst beneath the pressure of my gaze.

"I'm pretty sure you just sped past a bunch of police trucks..." Luther’s murmurs went unheard beneath the faint sirens and wind rushing harshly against the vehicle. I could practically feel the man’s blood pressure rise with every second he stayed in the car.

Finally the car began to slow down as we drove into a secluded area a few miles from the city. With furrowed brows and narrowed eyes, I looked ahead, the only thing meeting my stare being the countless acres of land isolating us from the rest of society.

That's when a very possible thought etched its way into my mind. It was more than likely that Five Hargreeves was going to kill me, and the only reason he brought Luther was to keep me restrained so he could do his biddings more efficiently. As if confirming my thoughts, the van suddenly stopped, the tires screeching against the concrete roads at the abruptness of Five's foot stamping on the breaks.

No one dared to move an inch of a muscle or let out even the slightest of sounds. Breaking the tense atmosphere, Five sighed inwardly.

"Out." Five said, almost boredly.

"What?" I spat in response.

This time he turned to face me entirely. "Out," He repeated. "now."

I started at him and his unwavering expression. So I was right, he really was going to kill me. The only thing left was for me to figure out was how he intended to do so. I scoffed at the thought of him running me over, but nevertheless did as I was oh- so nicely told. My lips twisted into a sneer as I gave him a final glare, getting out of the car with an aggressive slam of the door, and marched ahead while digging my hands furiously into the oversized, grey zip up sweater I had found back in Diego's 'apartment'.

I span on my heels to face the duo talking in the car and froze at the sight of a briefcase sitting between the brothers.

Now it was clearer than ever what the assassin was trying to do.

On cue, the rev of an engine announcing one of the most infamous duos of the Commission, tore through the solitude of the countryside, signalling Five and Luther to exit the car, the case securely held in Luthers hand.

I bit down on my lip, hard. The metallic taste of blood helping to prevent myself from slapping five across the face and stealing the case for myself. Nevertheless, I locked these impulses deep within me as the brothers stood beside me, collectively watching their vehicle come to a stop several metres behind us.

"If this all goes sideways, do me a favour and tell Delores I'm sorry."

I held back a snort and rolled my eyes which seemed to catch Five's attention immediately. Hazel and Cha Cha finally left the car and walked towards us, Five and I doing the same until we were only a few steps apart.

“Are the masks really necessary?”

The duo gave the other a glance before stripping the sweaty plastic from their faces. Cha Cha's eyes shifted to Five, than me, and back to the boy. "So, where is it, kid?"

"Wow, that's how you're gonna start. You know, we can get right back in our car and call it a day."

A gun was quickly in her hands as she threatened, "You won't even make it halfway there."

"Maybe." Five maintained his composure. "But as I'm sure you found out in your previous foray, my brother is not your average giant."

"He's right." Hazel turned to Cha Cha. "You dropped a chandelier on him, got right back up."

"By the time you took him out, he'd smash your precious briefcase to a pulp."

"Probably us too, right?" Hazel confronted. "So how do we help each other?"

"I need you to get in contact with your superior so I can have a chat with her."

I physically tensed, my jaw clenching and mouth going dry upon hearing that soon, I'd have to explain to The Handler as to why I hadn't updated her on Five's progress for hours.

"About what?"

"I don't believe that's any if your concern." Five's voice was calm, too calm, only further fuelling the anxiety practically crawling up my throat and burning through my chest.

Cha Cha scoffed. "Oh really? Well you still haven't told us who this one is." She now pointed the silver gun at my figure, her eyes scanning my body and my face intensely, only for them to flicker in recognition.

"Look at that." She cocked her head to the side. "Well if it isn't the Commissions prized bloodhound." Her lips twisted downwards in distaste and her voice dripped in anger. "I still haven't forgotten what you did in Cairo."

I smiled a toothy grin. "Neither have I."

"So is it a deal or what?" Five quickly cut in, not forgetting to shoot me a glare.

The woman licked her lips, annoyed. "Just don't tell her about the briefcase."

"Fair enough."

With the final words exchanged closing the deal between the agents, Hazel and Cha Cha walked towards the payphone as Five and I retreated ourselves, taking measured steps away from the pair.

"What the hell was that?" Five seethed, keeping his voice low. "Are you trying to get us killed?"

I rolled my eyes and proceeded to walk towards Luther who was holding the briefcase a little too tightly for my liking. We watched as Cha Cha began dialling a number, peering over her shoulder towards us, along with Hazel's finger hovering above the trigger as a warning.

"What happens now?" Luther kept his eyes glued on the enemy ahead.

"Now we wait."

Anxiety swarmed through my body, invading the sane piece of mind I desperately tried to hold. I cracked my knuckles and gnawed down on my lip while my foot tapped impatiently against the road. Sure it was only a few seconds of waiting idly. But those few seconds stretched out into hours as the same thought consumed my brain, like a python unhinging its jaw and swallowing its prey whole.

The words, 'What if' rang in my skull like a mantra. And they were right to do so, because right now, just like she had my whole life, The Handler held all the cards and was just waiting to play her next move.

A quiet ring of a lullaby pulled me out of the depths of my thoughts, leaving me as confused as the rest. I turned my head towards the direction everyone was looking, surprised to see an ice cream truck of all things approach us at high speeds, the lullaby getting louder by the second.

"Is that her?"

The ice cream truck zoomed right past us and Luther immediately got his answer. In the truck sat a waving Klaus who looked excited to be here, and Diego whose expression turned from blank, to shocked as he saw his lost hoodie draping over my figure.

"What the hell is he doing here?" Five asked, our necks turning simultaneously to watch the truck start to accelerate as they approached the agents.

"It's a set up!" The duo aimed their guns at us and began shooting, a bullet just grazing my side. Five and I dove behind Luther just in time, said brother lifting his arms and shielding us with his body.

"What the hell was that!" I whisper-yelled.

Five glanced at me, then to my injured shoulder for split second before he groaned in frustration. "How the hell am I supposed to know?"

"Well they're your brothers, aren't they?"

His lips parted to retort with his own response, only for an eerily familiar feeling to wash over us. One that still made a shiver run up my spine to this day.

I stepped out beside Luther, peering at his body frozen in time. I looked at Five and gave him a knowing look, a look that seemed to summon the devil herself.

"Neat trick isn't it?" A woman's voice spoke softly, juxtaposing the way the hairs on my nape stood while adrenaline coursed through my body. It seemed that my gut was leaning more towards flight than fight, but I stood my ground and faced the woman, glaring deep into her eyes hidden beneath her shades.

If Five could hear the way my heart was pumping loudly beneath my veins, he didn't say. The Handler removed her sunglasses and smiled.

"Hello, Five," Her eyes then shifted to mine, the corners of her mouth twisting upwards in an emotion I couldn't quite make out. But something within me screamed to steal the briefcase out of Luther’s frozen hold, warning me of the dangers beneath the blue glaciers of her eyes that seemed to be getting closer and closer to puncturing through my well seamed coat of armour I’ve been hiding under my whole life.

I knew I’d regret not giving into my gut instincts but for now, I kept my feet planted in place and fists clenched.

The Handler knew she had won right then and there, and for once, the woman’s smile reached her eyes.

"Hello, Y/n."

I could feel the taste of failure slowly start to creep on my tongue, attempting to scorch any schemes present into ash.

But I knew all too well that the war had just begun, and almost feared the extents I would go to accomplish what I was here for in the first place.

Tag List for Whispers 🏷

Comment if you’d like to be included.

@ameagrice @inksplattersblog @coraldeeznutsz @valtrezz @dj-loopylou @l4vly-k1ss3s @fanfics-welcome @urmomsfling @darklingsgrl @honestlyspeedytree @bitch-bee @rogue17 @literally-a-ferret @jeeminyo @nvmkyuu @navs-bhat @muitifandomblogs @honestlyvore @winchestertitties @dhdhdhdhdhdjjs @crankgameplayssimp @rainyroads @unomomonono @hon3y-c0mb @kisslie @danis-stuff-is-here @ayoitsmickey @xjsbk @001andeddiearetodiefor @cutelittleescapingsenses @tua-five @qualityearthquakes @oscarisdaddy69 @bebe-panda @ara-sakura @maris-cottage @differentstudentcookiespy @annitrice-does-things @souredmilktea @diorsdolls @cherryccke @severetriumphgardener @myinnermonologueisepic @phoenix666stuff @velvet-spider @deepimvginvtion @hajimesmommymilkers @angelwastaken @hellfiregirllll @lotsoflove1004 @katiemrty @teamspideyman @deniixrum @manofworm @80pairsofcrocs @just-here-reading @buglets-buggie-world @danis-stuff-is-here @pinklvurrr @missbunsworld @twsssmlmaa @thehandl3r

[royalrambler]

Writing Commissions!! Now Open!!

hihello royal here !!! uhm life happens tbh and i just lost my current source of income, sooo

i’m opening writing commissions !! just dm me here or on discord (moriensstellarum) to start !!

my rates: (cashapp only)

semi cheap since i really do need commissions right now! my cashapp info will be given once the planning process is over!!

$5 usd: every 1k words

+$5 usd: fandoms i am not in or completely original

+$2 usd: for oc, self insert, or x reader works (mc from twisted wonderland doesn’t count!!)

current fandoms:

fire emblem three houses

genshin impact

my hero academia

identity v

bungo stray dogs

haikyuu

demon slayer

good omens

star wars (all movies and shows)

legend of zelda (breath of the wild and tears of the kingdom)

twisted wonderland

project sekai

voltron: legendary defender

pokèmon

danganronpa (in progress)

jujutsu kaisen (in progress)

kingdom hearts (in progress it’s a lot of games)

Persona 5

please be through in explaining what you’d like (i.e. pairings, au if any kind, plot, etc) and allow for 5-8 days from the end of planning for writing to be completed

will do:

fluff

angst

action/violence(to a point)

mild gore or body horror

legal non toxic pairings of any kind(including poly)

if it’s not listed i probably won’t write it. you can still ask since i think i missed a couple of things, but this is your warning you might get denied. i also only write ragbro’s as platonic/familial.

writing sample:

this piece is reposted from my flufftober writing !!

This was a scene that Byleth could go on without repeating over and over again, but alas, the flow of time is a fickle thing, and the loss is necessary. Countless times, they had tried other ways to snap Dimitri back into reality, only to fail in the end. This was the only way to succeed.

The rain was warm, unusual for this area, but it made it seem like the heavens were weeping for the loss of such a great man and knight. Perhaps they were. Byleth certainly had the first few times they lived through it. But now their grief has been replaced by a determination to end this cycle. To have this be the last time they watch as Rodrigue sacrifices himself in order to save Dimitri. Let this be the final version of this particular encounter.

The sky grew darker as Byleth waited, the rain soaking them to the bone. They would continue to wait as long as needed… He would come. And soon, just as many times before, the soon-to-be king rounded the corner, and they stepped out of the shadows into his path.

“What do you want?”

His voice was harsh, almost intentionally so, as if Byleth’s mere presence was an annoyance. The first times they heard it, they flinched and held their tongue to placate the prince. The times after they had responded with anger or indifference. They all worked out in the end, but none were right. But now…

“I know where you’re going. You don't have to do this, Dimitri.” Their voice remained calm, even as anger flashed across his face.

“This isn’t your concern!” Dimitri spat out. “Get out of my way. Now.”

Byleth simply glared as he menacingly stepped closer. If one thing remained true, it was that Dimitri would never harm them. He could act like it was all he wanted, but they knew the truth.

“Going to Enbarr will not fix anything! Do you really think it will appease the dead? Or will it simply add Edelgard’s corpse to those that haunt you?"

“Do not speak of that vile woman as if she is a friend! It is their voices that demand her head! Only then will they finally get to rest peacefully. Don’t speak of matters you could never understand."

Dimitri took a moment, seemingly to compose himself. His anger had faded slightly, making way for something else. Something different. Grief? Was he perhaps finally letting himself grieve for his losses after all these years? Or was it simply resignation?

“Death…” He continued, his voice becoming thick with emotion. “Death is the end. No matter how much lingering regret a person has, after death, they are powerless. They cannot even wish for revenge, much less seek it out. Hatred. Regret. Those burdens fall on the shoulders of those who are left behind. They fall to me. I must continue down this path! And it is far too late to stop... You know this much already."

Byleth’s gaze softened as they watched his anger bleed into resignation and acceptance of his self-imposed fate.

“But you don’t have to do it alone. You’ve got me and so many others! You don’t have to throw your life away in the pursuit of revenge! Surely there is-“

“There is no other way! That is merely the logic of the living. It's meaningless. Those who died with lingering regret... They will not loose their hold on me so easily.

“But you seem to have all the answers... So tell me, professor. Please, tell me... How do I silence their desperate pleas? How do I... How do I save them? Ever since that day nine years ago... I have lived only to avenge the fallen. It is the only thing that keeps me alive... My only reason to keep moving forward...”

Byleth let out a soft huff of laughter, mainly out of nervousness. “I haven’t been your professor in a long time, Mitya... I was hardly qualified to be that in the first place, but even I know to not deny the Archbishop. But you’ve suffered enough. You must forgive yourself; move towards accepting the past and embracing the future.”

“But then who…or what…should should I live for?”

“Live for what you believe in. Live for yourself, and if you can’t do that, then make me the reason to keep on living.”

“What I believe in..." Dimitri shook his head slightly and turned his face up towards the sky. “Rodrigue said the same thing. But is it possible? I am a murderous monster. My hands are stained red. Could one such as I truly hope for such a life? As the sole survivor of that day, do I... Do I have the right to live for myself?”

Byleth placed a gentle hand on Dimitri’s cheek and turned his face back towards them. “No one’s hands are ever truly clean in this world. Asking that would be the same as asking me if I deserved the life I live. Each day you continue to live serves as proof that you deserve to live and live for yourself. And if you ever forget that, you will always have me to remind you.”

“I’ve got you…” Dimitri whispered as the professor pulled him into a gentle embrace. As he returned it, Byleth began to softly hum an ancient and gentle song. “You’re… You’re so warm… Have you always been?”

[vaninakan]

Late night thoughts vol. 1

It's 4 am and I cannot sleep so I'm just gonna splooge some random thoughts that I have (some positive, some negative, and some that's probably just nonsense.)

Uhh, I like to get negatives out of the way first so I guess I can start with that.

- Does anyone else miss when art/animation communities felt more niche but open? I'm particularily talking about the animation meme community here cause that's a community I've more or less lurked in for a long time. I remember a time when there was the big three of animation memes a lot of people and myself were inspired by. It feels silly to say that what got me into art were a bunch of independent artists animating anime cats fighting eachother, but that's exactly what happened. I loved these creators (still do) and I looked forward to seeing what else these creators had to offer. As time went on, more creators came in the fray with a lot of cool talent and craftmanship and it was honestly very cool seeing what everyone had to offer. That's something I loved most about AMC, that so many were able to feel free to create whatever they wanted and how wonderful it paid off to see that creativity put into so many special masterpieces of independent art and animation, and that's something I'll always admire. So it breaks my heart to see what the AMC has became. Don't get me wrong, there's still a ton of great artists out there and y'all are fantastic, but I cannot help but feel like the environment in that community especially had gotten a lot more vile than what it started off as. To be fair, that's pretty much any community these days, I'm well aware of that. But I have never seen so much drama, so much infighting, and so much people being deplorable to eachother in my life that it's honestly sickening! I've always wanted to make my own animation memes and I still do, I have a TON of ideas I'd love to get to eventually, but if I ever decide to post them, don't expect me to engage much with the rest of the community. IMO, the best communities you can have are the small close ones you have with your best pals.

- For the past few years, I've been distancing myself from big social media branches and fandoms because of how toxic the environments can be for some of these spaces especially, and it's honestly helped a lot with my mental health (Deleting my Twitter and moving here has honestly been one of the best things I've done last year). It's partially why I've stopped posting so frequently, because really the only people I truly care about pleasing are me and all my close friend groups and found families I've built. I don't really care about statistics and platform building, if people like my stuff, then that's cool. I can look at a post I made with bigger numbers than usual and go "huh, that's pretty neat" and then move on talking about a crossover AU I've been cooking up with my boyfriend. That's not to say I don't appreciate my followers or people who like my content, I do. But know that what I make isn't catered to what'll get me the most attention, it's what'll make me and my family happy. And if people like that, then that's cool. Maybe every now and then I'll ask my followers what they'd like to see, maybe a fanart raffle or sketch request event, I think that'd be nice. But for the most part, this page is very, and I mean VERY self indulgent.

- Uhh I've been doing okay for the most part, personal issues I don't wanna get to aside. I've mainly been working on plushies, commissions and other self indulgent projects. I mentioned before that I got into the latest Cookie Run game, and that's pretty cool. I've mostly focused on making art for that and mine and my boyfriend's OC/AU projects. I'll post more about it when I get there, but for now uhh... gay people.

You'll learn who these guys are soon enough, for now you'll only get name drops

The big gruff fellow is a lava rock golem named Vulcan and the pretty boy is named Jack Frosting.

- And I think that's mostly it for tonight? This post took me a full hour to write so it's actually 5 now as I'm finishing up oops..

My sleep schedule's fucked.

Uhh any final words before I pass out? Hmm..

Gender dysphoria sucks okay BYYYEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

[cockatrice-writers-guild]

Perception

this takes place in the space au

warnings: swearing, existential terror?, fear, vomiting

taglist: @autism-alley , @awkwardgtace , @tripodcat-gt

The morning comes slowly as it tends to on a Saturday but unfortunately it comes all the same. I slept, albeit not that much but still it’s something. I take some time to stare up at the ceiling while waiting for my headache to fade slightly before I clear my throat.

“Jax, honey, you there?”

There’s a small pause before I get my answer.

“Mmm?”

And I smile a little when I hear his voice.

“You seem a little out of it, big guy. Were you asleep?”

Another pause before

“Mmhmm.”

And now I can’t help but crack a small smile.

“I still don’t get how a cosmic entity even needs sleep,” I mutter as I stretch and get out of bed.

“…not much to do out here,” the man mumbles back.

“Mmm. I guess that’s fair.”

I hear a yawn in my head and can’t help but yawn too before moving to the window and pulling it open. The view is shit but that’s not what I’m looking for. Instead, I turn my gaze to the sky and raise a hand, waiting a moment before an invisible force slowly wraps around it.

“Hey,” I whisper.

“Hey,” he whispers back.

The barrier around my hand tightens just slightly before it dissipates and I go back inside.

“So, what are you planning on doing today, M? It’s…Saturday, right?”

I search the room and find some wearable clothes on the floor. “Yup.”

“So no janitor stuff today?”

“Nope.”

“But you’re still up early.”

“I couldn’t sleep well again. And anyway, I got a commission I need to get working on.”

“Artist stuff?”

“Artist stuff.” I pull a shirt over my head before I continue. “Today’s special though.”

“How so?”

“The customer wanted a custom piece. Big. Bigger than my usual stuff anyway, so I’ll need to get some more wood today. And I’ll be out in the open so you’ll get to see me work.”

“Really?”

The excitement in his voice makes me laugh.

-

I look at the drawing in my sketchbook again before making a few more marks on the block of wood sitting on the stump in front of me. Client wanted a great horned owl statue for his front yard. And as soon as I get this out of the way, I’ll be able to pay rent so it has to be perfect.

I can feel a familiar chill crawl up my spine as an inconceivably huge set of eyes focuses on my work but do my best to ignore it.

“…so what I’m doing right now is marking the wood so I can start carving. It helps with accuracy,” I call out over my shoulder.

“Ahhh, ok.”

And now I feel my shoulders start to relax again.

I add a few more details to the drawing of the owl before doing my best to replicate them on the wood. The eyes need to be just right for this to work. They need to be wide and full of life, giving the dead wood the impression of something breathing. This statue isn’t going to be painted so the carving needs to speak for itself, each individual scratch left behind adding to the illusion I’m trying to create. The eyes need to be well defined without being too distracting. Maybe messing with the lacquer will help to get the effect I’m going for, adding just a touch of darkness to the wood and giving them the depth they need. The eyes, the eyes, the eyes…

Eyes on me

My hand hesitates over the wood, the tip of my pencil resting over the eye of the owl, graphite just starting to graze the wood. Jax has been relatively quiet this whole time, perfectly content with watching me for as long as he can see me unobstructed by the treetops and roofs of buildings. It’s almost absurd to think about and as I finally snap myself out of that train of thought and try to get back to my work, I can’t resist finally calling out to him again.

“…hey, Jax?”

“Yeah, M?”

“I…sorry, you probably get asked this question all the time but…”

“Yeah?”

“…what’s it like?”

“…what do you mean?”

“…what’s it like being you?”

“Lonely. …at least, before I met you, Mia.”

The words are warm and even though I can feel a smile tugging at my lips, distant warning sirens start to go off in my head as something starts to feel off. The words are warm but if I didn’t know any better, I’d almost say that…

“…Jax?”

“Mia?”

“Are you…doing something?”

“What do you…oh.”

“Oh?”

“I…sorry I was...,” an awkward cough rings out in my head before his voice drops to a borderline whisper, “…uh, hugging the planet. I…sorry, did you feel that?”

My heart rate picks up slightly as I look up to face the cloudless sky, forcing my grip on my pencil to loosen before it snaps. “I…yeah, I…uh…the temperature…rose a little.”

“…oh. …sorry about that.”

There’s silence for a moment as I try to wrap my head around what just happened before I try to speak again.

“I…the planet in your hands, being cosmic, being you. What’s that like?”

“Well, it’s kinda…mmm…I’m…not really sure how to explain it to be honest.”

“I guess that’s fair.”

“…yeah,” Jax replies distantly.

I wait for him to continue but as the silence stretches on and on, I just go back to trying to bring out the eyes of the owl. I get lost in my work for a while, trying to angle the eyes just right to give the statue just the tiniest hint of movement, scratching at the wood with the graphite until finally something I’m happy with starts to take shape. I take a step back and examine my work, hands itching for my carving knife when Jax finally speaks again.

“…why don’t I just show you?”

“Show me wha-”

I’m in space. I’m in fucking space. Millions of stars and void and distant galaxies surround me and I’m floating on nothing. It’s all so strangely beautiful. But

It's all so empty.

Endless cosmos swirling all around me in an overwhelming explosion of colours and lights and yet it’s completely silent, not another living thing as far as I can see. I’m completely…

Alone.

I find myself looking down and now I’m even more confused. My arms are…not my own. Thick with fat and pale. The large swell of a stomach below them. I’m wearing what seems to be some kind of flowing cropped shirt and a long skirt to go with it. My hands are currently cupped in front of me, held close to my face. And in those hands are-

My breath catches in my throat.

Is…that…it…it can’t be but..

The Earth. The Earth, the blue green planet cupped almost tenderly in my massive hands. It’s the size of a marble to me. The whole world. My heart jumps when I watch it rolls slightly as I adjust my hands, moving the multi-coloured pebble that is my planet into one of my palms. I watch as it rolls into the dip of my palm and stays there. I…my goddamn thumbnail is bigger than it.

“This is me,” I hear a voice say quietly. A man’s voice. Jax. So…this is…

“And,” my now free hand comes forward, absolutely engulfing the Earth in a massive shadow before I use my fingers to readjust the little planet, feeling a scream catch in my throat when my oversized digits make contact with the thing. But the fingers stop just short of the billions of fragile lives on the surface of the tiny rock, protected only by what seems to be a thin barrier. I want to stop, to pull my hand away but still it continues against my wishes. I watch helplessly as a single claw comes forward. Reaches out and finally touches down on a small piece of green. The claw stops just short of impaling the continent, instead tapping lightly on the miniscule barrier. “That’s you,” the voice finishes quietly.

And now I’m in the park again, block of wood in front of me, grass beneath my feet.

I look around wildly, breathing so hard I almost choke on the intake. I look up at the sky and can almost imagine the dull thud of the massive claw touching the barrier, can see the image playing over and over and over in my head. I feel nauseous. I feel…I feel…I’m drenched in sweat. I can’t…my head hurts…I…oh God, what did I…I…Jax…is…he has…

I can still see the whole planet rolling slightly in my palms as I shift slightly.

As he shifts slightly.

I…oh God I…he…I…bile rises in my throat.

“Mia!” a voice exclaims in my head as I lean over and puke into the grass. I’m trembling bad. I swipe at my mouth with the back of my hand before I slowly lower myself to the ground, wrapping my arms around my trembling legs and burying my head in my knees. My breaths are fast and shaky and my vision blurs with tears. My head is pounding and pounding and pounding in time with my heart and I can’t I can’t I can’t I can’t I-

“…Mia?”

And now I flinch.

The man I’ve been talking to all this time. Sometimes I forget he…

“…Mia? …are you-”

“Give me a moment,” I force out between breaths, the words coming out much harsher than I intended, something close to a growl carrying them as tears start to spill from my eyes.

“…alright,” comes Jax’s quiet reply after a moment.

And in the dead silence that follows, I try to focus on my breathing. I try to focus on calming my thoughts. I try to focus on anything but what just happened but it’s not working.

I breathe. I breathe. I breathe I breatheIbreatheI-

“Jax.”

There’s a pause.

“…yeah, M?”

“What the hell are you even doing?”

Dead silence.

“…what?”

“I…I’m not even a fucking speck to you. I’m nothing. I’m less that nothing. But you still talk to me. I just…what the hell are you doing?”

“I’m…talking to my friend,” he whispers.

Friend. Friend. A piece of dust on a tiny rock he carries around is his friend.

The image of the world rolling around in his hands like a fucking children’s toy flashes in my mind and I feel bile rising again, hugging my knees tighter and tighter and tighter until finally

“How…I don’t…how could…HOW COULD I POSSIBLY BE YOUR FRIEND?”

“…Mia, I-“

“DON’T. DON’T YOU DARE CALL ME THAT, RIGHT NOW. I- HOW COULD I POSSIBLY BE ANYTHING TO YOU? I…WHY ARE YOU…WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING? WHY ANY OF THIS? WHY SAVE US? WHY TALK TO ME? WHY? I…I DON’T…I DON’T UNDERSTAND.“

“…I…I saw an inhabited planet that was dying and I wanted to help.” Jax sounds close to tears now and I can feel my head spinning. The world isn’t even in orbit. It’s in the hands of a fucking giant. “I talk to you because you let me and I-“ a sob racks through him, “I thought we were okay. I thought you were okay with me being here but I…I’m sorry, alright? I’m sorry about my size and-,” another sob, “and that I keep scaring you and that this is the only way to keep your planet safe and…and for showing you what it’s like out here and for talking to you and for that time I stopped you from getting a drink at the vending machine and when I-“

Wait.

Jax goes on and on and on in my head, wailing about hanging out with me and the fake sky he projects onto the Earth and annoying me and whatever the hell else he can think about in his panic but as he continues, my fear clogged brain chooses to latch onto one of his confessions in particular and latch on hard.

The vending machine. The vending machine. He did that on purpose. When the stupid little hatch was stuck for a long ass time before it finally gave way and let me get my drink. And Jax acted dumb when I asked if it was him.

But it was him.

And it’s strange but…the mundanity of it all almost helps to calm me some. The giant man big enough to hold the world used his powers to play a harmless prank on me and then lie about it. To my face. And he remembered it too, remembered it so well that he felt the need to apologize about it now. That’s just…that’s…I focus on that for now, the incident playing in my head over and over as very very gradually, my breathing starts to slow until finally it reaches something just short of normal.

And as my head starts to clear and I blink the tears out of my eyes, I focus on my breaths and the grass under my palms as I slowly allow myself to unfurl.

Take a few more breaths as I listen as Jax’s words, a pang of guilt building in my chest as he heaves again.

…

Jax.

…I know him.

I…know him.

I take a long breathe in, hold it and then slowly let it out.

“…Jax.”

“-being a monster and-“

“Jax.”

“-I keep asking you all these questions and-“

“JAX. SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONE SECOND.”

Surprisingly, the man stops in an instant, the only sound in my head the occasional heave between sobs.

“Jax.”

There’s no response at first.

“Honey.”

No response.

“Dude.”

No response.

“Asshole.”

There’s a watery chuckle.

My heart pounds so loud I can hear it in my ears but still I try to make my voice playful. “I thought you said that vending machine thing wasn’t your fault, big guy.”

Dead silence and despite it all I can’t help but smile.

“Care to explain?”

More silence.

And then

“…uh…” It’s nothing short of a murmur but still, it’s something.

“Yeah?”

“…I just…I thought…uh…”

“You thought it would be funny to use your barriers to fuck with me.”

“…yeah.”

“Dick.”

“Oh.”

“Asshole.”

“Oh.”

“I want sincerity next time.”

“…oh?”

“The next time you fuck with me, I want you to own it, alright?”

There’s a lengthy pause on his end before

“…but Mia, I-“

“Alright?”

“…why are you doing this?”

And now he just sounds confused.

“…you’re my friend, Jax. I don’t want to lose you.”

“I…I don’t want to lose you either.”

I nod up at the sky, shooting him a small smile at the sentiment before turning to the ground again to steady myself. Jax is silent but I can still feel his gaze on me and I wait for the shake to leave me before I finally look up at the sky again.

“Then you’re not losing me.”

Jax doesn’t say anything but I hear a slight exhale pass through my head like a small chuckle.

“…Jax, you’re not going to scare me away but for the love of God please do not do that again. …or at least warn me first.”

“I…yeah. …I’m sorry, Mia.”

I sigh. “I’m sorry too. It wasn’t fair of me to lash out like that. You’re good. You’re kind. You’re…kind of a dick apparently but it wasn’t fair of me to say all that stuff about you.”

“…thank you, Mia. Seriously, thank you. …but…are you really sure you want to keep doing this?”

“I keep my word. And I don’t hate being around you so that’s a plus.”

“Hey.”

I smile up at him before I start walking around, trying to get the jitters out of my system before I can finally bring myself to continue my work. Neither of us say anything but as the tension dissipates, the silence is almost comfortable. Something eventually occurs to me though.

The world in his hands, the pad of his thumb bigger than it. His arms. Stomach. Legs. I think I could make out a bit of his hair too.

“Jax?”

“Mia?”

“What do you look like?”

“…I’m not really sure. I’ve…only ever seen what you have, to be honest. …why do you ask?”

“You look like a human.”

There’s a pause on his end.

“…I guess I do.”

“Why do you look like a human?”

“I…don’t know.”

“You could be a human, you know? Like…I don’t know, maybe you got blown up to this size and sent back in time for this exact purpose.”

“…or maybe it’s just a coincidence.”

“Eh, maybe.”

There’s silence for a moment before I speak again. “I…guess it doesn’t matter either way. You’re here now and that’s all that matters.”

“…yeah.” And I can hear the small smile in his voice, imagining it for a long moment before I just sigh.

“…still, I wish there was a way to see what you look like.”

Jax is silent for a long time and I can’t help but raise a brow.

“What’s up?”

“…huh?”

“You got quiet again. What are you thinking about?”

“…I mean…”

“Yeah?”

“The sun is fake, Mia.”

My eyes widen slightly as what he’s insinuating starts to dawn on me. “…the sky is an illusion.”

“Yeah.”

“…so technically, you could-“

“…yeah.”

“But dropping the illusion probably isn’t the best idea unless you want mass hysteria.”

“Mmhmm.”

I try to think about it for a second. “…is there…maybe a way you could drop the illusion for…just me?”

“What do you mean?”

“Everyone else sees sky. I see…outside.”

Jax is quiet for a moment.

“…can you do that?”

“…I’m not sure that’s the best idea, M. I mean you literally just-“

“I know I know but…I want to see who I’m talking to.”

Jax is quiet.

“And I think maybe you’d like to be seen too.”

“…hmm.”

“Hmm?”

“I…I don’t know, M. The thought of me scares you.”

“You were gentle.”

“…what?”

“The way you hold the Earth, like you’re…I don’t know, cradling it? It was terrifying, sure, but…I don’t know, it was gentle. You’re gentle. And you care so so much about beings so much smaller than you it’s unreal. You’re scary, yeah but…I’d like to think that I know you. And…that’s the man I want to see. Not some massive incomprehensible cosmic entity. I just want to see my giant best friend.”

“…oh.”

“Don’t fucking oh me after all that!”

“Sorry I,” he laughs, “I just…wow. I...I don’t know what to say. I…thank you? I guess? I…holy shit, Mia.”

I try to wave him off. “Yeah, yeah.”

“…thank you,” he whispers.

I try to fight the smile off my face. “Yeah okay, I get it. So do you wanna do this?”

“Anything for my best friend,” the man all but purrs.

“…actually, I think I just hate you.”

The man laughs and I frown up at the sky.

“So, can you do it?”

“I can definitely try.”

I nod. “Go ahead then.”

I hear Jax take a deep breath. “…okay.”

I take a breath in kind and hold it, squeezing my hands as I brace myself for whatever’s about to happen.

I expect the change to be huge. Monumental. But one blink is all it takes for the sky to completely disappear. No flashy lights. No deafening noises. Just a quick flash and everything changes.

And now

Now the sky is something else entirely, the bright blue replaced by an endless black void lined at the corners of my vision with grey.

I stare up at it, frozen as my brain tries to catch up with what just happened when all at once, the view starts changing rapidly. The black shrinks and becomes something hauntingly familiar. An eye, then two, a nose, a mouth and finally

I’m staring up at the face of a man, his arm outstretched and disappearing under the horizon. His mouth is a thin line and his eyes are filled with concern, brows furrowed as he takes me in. The face of a total stranger but one that is undeniably human.

Jax.

The sight is almost impossible to comprehend, a man in the sky staring back at me. All around him I can see the deep purples and blues and blacks of cosmos I’ve only ever seen in desktop wallpapers. Jax is up there. He’s actually holding the planet. He’s actually real.

He doesn’t speak as we silently take each other in and I try to absorb every single detail of him that I can even as I feel my nails start digging into my skin. My muscles are so tightly coiled now that when a bug suddenly lands on me, it sends my arm flying and the consequences of this are immediate as the sky seemingly reacts to the movement, turning from the giant man floating in space to a multitude of blurry colours that dance across the horizon.

This stops just as quickly as it starts and now the giant’s expression is vaguely sheepish.

“Sorry,” I hear Jax’s voice whisper in my head though the man’s mouth doesn’t move with the words.

It takes me a few moments too long to find my voice again. “You…Jax, what the fuck just happened?”

The man looks away, his lips pursed. “Well…you moved so suddenly that I…well…”

“…that you jumped?”

There’s a pause before he gives a small nod.

“Jax?”

“Mia?”

“Are you…scared of me?”

“I…well…I’ve never had anyone actually look at me, you know? This is…new.”

“I…guess it is.”

Jax barely moves as I take him in and when he jerks away slightly when I move too fast trying to take the crick out of my neck from staring up at the sky for so long, I realize I should probably do something to help ease the tension.

My heart hammers in my chest but as I stare up at the sky, soaking in the features of the man I’ve been talking to for months, an idea comes to me.

“…Jax?”

“…Mia?”

“You…said you don’t know what you look like, right?”

“I…yeah. Why?”

I stare up at him for a long moment before I slowly make myself stand on trembling legs and take a few steps to retrieve my sketchpad from where I dropped it during my…fit of terror. And it’s almost funny but as I move, Jax keeps his eyes glued on me as if he’s scared I’m going to attack him. It’s a completely absurd notion but as I hug my sketchpad to my chest like a shield, the thought of something like him being scared of something like me is so ridiculous that a laugh escapes me before I can stop it and the sudden noise causes Jax to start again.

I give him an apologetic look before taking a seat in the grass, turning to an empty page and holding the tip of my pencil to the paper, watching the light trail it leaves behind grow as I try to stop my own hands from shaking. I erase the scribble and try again, erasing and pressing the pencil to the paper over and over until finally it settles enough to stay.

I take a deep deep breath, try to get lost in the promise of a blank canvas before finally, finally raising my eyes to meet Jax’s again. His eyes widen slightly and I can see the way his shoulders tense almost in synch with mine but I hold his gaze in the endless silence and he does the same.

I squeeze my pencil, swallowing before I finally bring myself to speak again.

“You,” the words start off slow but I push on. “Your hair is…it’s long and…flowing.” In the void of space, the man’s hair floats all around him, giving the effect that he’s deep underwater. “It’s blond…that’s yellow, by the way.”

Jax cocks his head slightly at my words, listening in silence for a while before his free hand reaches up to grab a few free floating strands and hold them to his face. He breaks eye contact for only a second to look at his hair. “Blond…,” I hear him whisper in my head and I slowly nod, my hands moving almost automatically to try and capture the sight on paper.

“Your eyes are…grey. They…they remind me of storm clouds right before the rain.”

Jax just nods, waiting for me to finish a rough sketch of his face before I continue.

“Your skin is white.”

Jax looks at his skin quizzically. “This is white?”

I sketch out the wide berth of his shoulders and clean up the shape of his head. “In regular colours, no, but when referring to skin colour, yeah actually.”

“Hmm.”

“…I…can’t see much of you now but when you…fucking, I don’t know, projected yourself into my head or whatever, I could see that you were fat.” I try to sketch out an approximation of his body from memory. “I can’t see much of your clothes now either but they were a really nice mix of orange and purple.” And I try to make it flow as much as it did in my head. “A shirt and a skirt, I think. And, man, they really suited you.”

“…thanks, M.”

I just nod in response and take more time to clean up the sketch in silence while Jax watches me work. And once I’m happy with the sketch, I reach up and grab some pencil crayons to get started on the rest, the familiar scratching of wax on paper helping to sooth me some in the silence. Jax eventually starts humming a small tune he heard somewhere to pass the time and I can’t help but smile a little.

The clothes more or less finished, I’m about to start on his skin when I pause, the wax of the pencil hanging uncertainly over the drawing’s face.

I stare at the expression on the paper for a long moment. It’s scared. Wide eyed. Uncertain. Everything it was when I first saw him. But that’s not how I want to portray him here.

I look back up to the sky and the song in my head immediately pauses as Jax takes me in again, his brows starting to crease as he watches me.

I tap my pencil on the paper as I think. “Hmm…”

“Hmm?”

“Your expression.”

“…what about it?”

“…you…,” I think about it for a second. “Your eyes are wide. And...your mouth is a fine line. Your eyebrows are creased with worry and I can tell by the tension in your shoulders that you want nothing more than to drop visibility and go back into hiding.”

Jax’s face falls slightly. “…that’s-”

“But,” I interrupt him. “You’re still here. You’re trying for my sake and I appreciate that more than anything else.”

“…oh.”

The word is almost whispered and now I watch as Jax’s expression changes into something softer, his mouth hesitantly twisting into a small smile and his eyes finally leaving mine as he focuses on a spot off to the right, his brows raising slightly as he thinks about my words.

I enjoy the scene for as long as I dare before my hands scramble for my pencil again and I roughly sketch out the expression, changing the angle of his face slightly to match the one in the sky before I work on bringing it to life. The rapid movement catches Jax’s attention and his eyes eventually return to watch me work again, though a small smile still touches his lips.

Time passes almost peacefully as I clean up the man’s expression and add the small reflection of the Earth that shines faintly in his eyes. It’s terrifying if I think about it for too long but as Jax eventually picks up his song from where he left off and I melt into my work, I find I can’t really bring myself to care.

What I’m drawing is my friend. Nothing more, nothing less.

And so finally, after a dozen or so finishing touches and once the ache in my back from leaning over the page gets too much to ignore, I finally put down my tools with a sigh and examine my work.

…it would do.

“…Jax?”

“Yeah, M?”

My eyes run over the drawing a few more times to check for errors before I stand and look up at the man in question. “Do you want to see what you look like?”

Jax’s eyes widen at that, his gaze traveling down to the sketchbook in my hands for a second before he meets my eyes again. “…you drew me?”

“I-what did you think I was drawing?”

Jax just shrugs at me helplessly and I can’t help but laugh at the sheer bewilderment on his face.

“…you ready to see what you look like, big guy?”

He stares at me for a long moment before finally giving me the smallest of nods.

I nod back and, after giving him a few more seconds to get ready, turn the sketchbook and hold it out to him.

And for a long, long time, Jax just stares at the page, his expression unreadable. But slowly, he starts to move again, moving his free hand up to run his fingers along the outline of his nose or the shape of his eyebrow or the dip of his chin. The process is slow going as Jax slowly matches what he can feel with my drawing of him. And even though after he takes so long I eventually have to sit down again, propping the sketchbook open on the block I was carving before I do so I don’t interrupt him, I can’t help but enjoy the moment. The ways his eyes sparkle, irises twitching to absorb every single detail of the piece, his brows furrowed with intensity and his mouth pursed in concentration as he takes himself in.

And finally, his gaze turns back to me and the full weight of the happiness on his face is almost enough to completely overwhelm me.

“That’s me,” he whispers and the absolute giddiness in his voice brings a small smile to my face.

“Yeah, it is.”

“I...thank you, Mia! I…I can’t-…I don’t-”

Jax fumbles with his words for a moment before he stops trying to talk and instead I feel invisible walls close around me on all sides as he uses his barriers to momentarily trap me in a weird hug of sorts.

“…thank you,” he finally whispers again and I smile.

[starshinc]

katsuki doesn’t tolerate fancy events very well. he especially doesn’t enjoy being paraded around as some beacon of hope for hero society because of his weird ass debt to the commission, but he still endures it anyway - as a favour to them for not locking him up or whatever. what’s it matter? at least he isn’t alone this time around.

crimson gaze glances to the support tech that practically sticks by his side with his therapy dog, brows furrowing a moment in concern. when the commission told him to bring izuku along, he actually tried to protest it. the man isn’t built for publicity. katsuki deals with it because it’s part of his job, and if he wants to be number one, he would keep doing so. izuku?

he was content working his magic behind the scenes - didn’t much like the spotlight.

the event buzzed around them with infectiously disgusting talks of this, that, the other thing; investors looking to strike deals and agencies placing their bets. most of them avoid katsuki. in turn, any poor soul that looks like they want to talk with izuku keep a distance… and katsuki wonders, then, if that’s why izuku stays near.

the music is slow. some people are taking to the floor. he has a feeling that people looking for their chance will keep circling the two of them until katsuki lets his guard down, and he despises that.

there was a way to maybe avoid this.

he eyes the floor a moment more, and finds his impulse acts first.

“still got two left feet?” he teases, low; warm palm encircles izuku’s closest wrist and tugs him toward the dance floor, making sure to pick a spot that allowed ramen to stay near. he doesn’t dance either. but- “c’mon. keep preoccupied all night, ‘n nobody’s gonna talk to you. and even if they try, i ain’t helpin’ ‘em.”

he hesitates now. katsuki hadn’t thought this far, really, and… fucking impulse, pulling him in impulsively stupid decisions, where he’s trying to steel his resolve and settle hands somewhere where it doesn’t feel like burning, and-

sometimes, he really gets izuku’s overthinking.

“don’t gotta be long,” he amends, as if it’ll make the sudden unease settle in his chest. “but i ain’t dealing with fucking vultures tonight. are you?”

he definitely wasn't planning on attending an event like this anytime soon. actually, if izuku had his way, he'd not be anywhere near this building - much rather be in his support lab, cup of tea in hand and sketching blueprints. but unfortunately for him, katsuki had approached and insisted on izuku coming along - something about the commission.

so somehow, he'd ended up at the event - dressed up as much as possible, thanks to the blond all but shoving a suit at him and doing what he could to make his curls extra soft considering there was no taming them. ramen, his support dog had been groomed (izuku prided himself in taking great care of the golden retriever's coat, but for an event like this, a professional wash and groom was probably a good idea...) and was proudly wearing a bowtie on his collar. he'd kept his working vest on, but he may have thrown it in the washer and dryer beforehand.

izuku was resolutely sticking close to katsuki's side, to the point of brushing against the taller sometimes. there were simply too many people - thankfully, not many had even approached. though, in fairness, the knowledge about jsl was shocking in the room - it would definitely be worth bringing it up to katsuki again, pushing more knowledge. it's important! he's just watching the dance floor, listening to the music and making sure ramen isn't bothered. the second people got too close, he'd tuck himself further into katsuki's side.

warmth around his wrists surprises him, but he allows himself to be dragged towards the floor, registering the words a few seconds later. wait, kacchan surely isn't going to do what he thinks - oh, no, he is. izuku's open-mouthed reaction was probably priceless, and they should thank their lucky stars that the media weren't invited to this event. thankfully, he could still sign.

'kacchan, you know i can't dance...!' the protest starts, signing more jittery than normal. thank goodness he'd picked a spot where ramen could sit nearby. but thinking on it for a moment or two, the logic made sense - there was no chance at ALL that anyone would bother them on the dance floor. with any luck, they could keep to themselves until it was an acceptable time to leave.

'okay.' he signed back, a little grin. 'i'm sorry in advance if i step on your foot.' he'd going to trust the blond to lead, here. and focus on not tripping them both over. 'i don't want to, ah... talk to any investors either, today.' he's already booked out for a good six months. perks of being the most recognised support technician, though he tries to ignore that fact on the daily.

'don't let me fall over, please.'

@dynmghts - unprompted!

[tentacleteapot]

yaaaaay life update (it's not a fun one)

well, for anybody who doesn't know, I got laid off again the week before my wedding. it's been a month since I was laid off from the job I scrambled to get the last time I was suddenly laid off from, and this time I have significantly less resources to work with when it comes to paying rent/bills. I filed for unemployment but in doing so I indicated that I wanted to look for work in the fields I've actually been trained to work in rather than looking for another job in a field that was disastrous toward my mental health, so Oregon unemployment interpreted that as my being "unwilling or unable to seek employment in my primary occupation". this is sort of a vent post, I guess, sorry about that. I just figured I should at least clarify where I've been at lately and why I've been quieter, is all.

apparently it'll take six to eight weeks for someone to review this issue, so I have to wait until the middle of November before I can expect someone to have even looked at my file, which doesn't account for any time they may spend reaching out to me for more information or deciding to approve or deny my claim—and even if they review it as quickly as possible they could easily just deny it.

I'm going to be honest, this has been pretty bad for my mental health, as has the fact that I'm seemingly being funneled back into a line of work that was already pushing me to a bad enough mental place that my wife and qpp were both pretty worried about me as it is. I don't know if I should think about opening up commissions (or what I'd open them up for, as my art isn't at a point where I feel like it would be appropriate to charge anyone for it and I have very few examples of my writing to share online as it is) or if I need to start asking friends and family for financial help, or what. all I know right now is that I'm stressed out, tired as hell, and probably not great to be around at the moment, and I'm sorry for that. I may be slow to respond to discord/messages at the moment, too, but I'll get to things as soon as I'm able. in the meantime, um, I guess keep an eye out for a potential follow-up to this post if I don't hear back from unemployment soon, as I won't be able to pay rent in December unless something changes really drastically really soon. I guess if anybody wants them I can provide my ko-fi or paypal information, but please don't feel obligated. capitalism is gradually crushing all of us, it just hadn't worked its way over to me until now, and I don't want anybody else to put themselves in a bad place by helping me out.

that's all. sorry to vent on main, I hope everyone else is doing okay.

[eliotlime]

Hello, I first saw your comics on tapastic. I was just today going thru all my subscriptions to cull out the ones that haven't updated in a while and weren't memorable enough for me to remember a single detail of. I found yours and was abruptly reminded of how much I loved your content. I'm a bit too busy now to really immerse myself in what you've got going on anymore, but I'm really glad to see you're still around. I can't honestly say I remember any of the comics you posted bc I was not my best self at the time, but I can say they meant a lot to me. Anyways, the point of this message is to thank you for being a relatable voice when I needed one. I'm really glad to see you're still around and that you've got things that you find enjoyable enough to blog about.

Hey man that's great, I'm glad you remember me! I feel like I can say the same about me making the at the time comics as well, I went through a few years absolutely hating that comic and what it represented because I made it as a way to cope with.. honestly, being a teenager. I really didn't like who I was and that comic was like a great summation of my being at the time.

(read more cause woof i talk alot!)

I'm just skimming through it because I pretty much forgot what I've even made. Like Holy Shit I made 117 comics? I think it holds up okay, it's pretty normal relatable humour though a bit dated. I think i definitely could have been a little weirder with it, though at one point I did try to do something meta with it (chickened out though, it was just way past my skill level). It all just screams of being a teenager, and that level of sincerity would make anyone cringe.

I think it's wild to me how willing i was to share my life to the world like that when I was so riddled with anxiety and sadness. Can't say I'm free of that still but I'm working through it, and I still stand by the last update I posted to that comic. .. Though I'd cut back on how many jokes i'd make to mask my fear this time. I still really love comics, narratives and characters! Though I've not been very good at sharing them lately haha but I promise I'm still chipping away at them. This is probably a very strange time to mention but I set up a Patreon recently, though I haven't gotten around to announcing it formally. But I have a short comic up in there I did for school! Of course if you don't feel like subscribing, I also have it as a one time purchase on gumroad as well :)

One more thing I'd like to say is that the timing of this ask is pretty crazy, cause I was just thinking of doing a retrospective. Just the general reflecting on art school and just looking back on what being nonbinary means to me and I guess YLNB as a whole. Though it's probably too soon to reflect on the latter haha, I'm probably going to wait another 3 more years.

Anyway thank you for reading and sticking around! I hope you're in a better place anon, I know things are rough in the world but I promise that there's good things too! If you'd like to support me I have Kofi and as previously mentioned a fresh new Patreon (wow!) I'm also on youtube where you can find some of my animations and though I've never mentioned it I'm drawing a rabbit (well, lagomorph but its been bunny central lately) a day @dailylagomorphs! We're about the half way point so you can spend half your year looking at all those little guys.

Additionally! my commissions are open! if you want to buy a funny little drawing from me

[hiisheart]

( okay. SO. i have my next doctor's appointment next friday where hopefully i'll give my decision about starting T, and everything is adding up nicely for me to give them my very enthusiastic yes!! thankfully i won't be getting a prescription right away - i say thankfully because it costs money and the appointment is via telehealth so they won't be able to show me how to do the shot anyway!! i'll likely have copays for both the prescription itself and the doctors' appointments i have to make for them to refill my prescription.

so why am i posting this here? because i'm probably gonna need some financial support going forward so i can cover the copays for my prescription and doctors visits, and hopefully, eventually, as soon as the changes really start to take effect, documentation changes as well (but that's probably not gonna be for a while given the gradual change course i've already chosen!). so, given that information, and where you guys may come in, i'm probably gonna have to open up commissions!

it won't be too serious of a payment, probably like $5 per graphic/set of small graphics i make per person. again, i'm still thinking through every little detail for my likely inevitable upcoming commission info post, so that should come soon, but for now, this post really just serves to let you guys know what i have ahead of me and what i'm planning to have open here. so, with that being said, if you guys and/or someone you know is searching for graphics, feel free to send them my way and i'd be happy to discuss something with you/them!!

again, for those of y'all who have ever supported me, financially or otherwise, y'all are great and i love y'all a lot. i just know that this is a step that i have to take for my happiness and sanity going forward and any support that you have for me will be so, so beneficial moving forward. additionally, i think that for my own mental health i have to rely less on my parents for support, especially given where we are financially, and do what i can and control what i can without having to worry about what they'll say about it. i think the best way to do this is to try to be as financially independent as possible via the found family and support network i'm building when it comes to covering my hormones and any other transition-related steps i take. and, in case you guys aren't aware, i consider you all and everyone who supports me in any way a version of a found family member, at the very least.

so that's where you guys come in. and again, i'll say this: if you and/or anyone you know are looking for graphics, point them in my direction and i'll be so, so happy to work something out with you/them. it will be so, so helpful to me. thank you <3 )

[shadowsong26fic]

Papa and J---- Update!

Author: shadowsong26

Rating: PG/PG-13

Fandom: Les Misérables

Characters: Technically all on-page characters are OCs; Valjean, Cosette, Marius, and Javert are discussed as historical personalities. Backstory Cosette/Marius and heavily implied Valjean/Javert.

Warnings: Nothing specific, I don’t think?

Summary: Euphrasie Pontmercy–known in the art world as La Jardinière–isn’t exactly a household name. Still, the sheer length of her active career (her work was first displayed and sold in 1839, and she left one last work unfinished at her death in 1910) makes her interesting to people who actually study that century in art. But as far as the historical record is concerned, Jardinière seems to have sprung semi-fully-formed from the streets of Paris somewhere in the mid-to-late 1820s. Other than the fact that she was educated in a convent, essentially nothing is known about her parents or her childhood.

Until now.

Or:

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a PhD student with no thesis topic must be in want of an undiscovered painting to go absolutely feral over.

Disclaimer: All characters are the property of their respective creators.

Notes: Here we are with Chapter 3! Where Ari talks to Phil’s mom and gets a little more background/family lore. Which is...fairly accurate, even after nearly two centuries of generational telephone, lol. also I am. Tempted. to find someone to commission to actually make a version of the painting are any of y’all who might be artists interested/does anyone have any recommendations of artists who are open for commissions who do that kind of style

Updates will be posted here on Thursdays and crossposted to AO3 on Fridays.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2

Wednesday afternoon, as soon as the last class I was TAing let out, I headed back to Phil’s house. I’d spoken with his mother on the phone the night before, and she’d agreed to meet me at four. Foot in the door, at least. First hurdle cleared.

Traffic was shit, because of course it was on a day I needed things to run smoothly, and I got there about five minutes late.

The woman who answered the door when I knocked was a little bit shorter than me, with the same bright blue eyes Phil had. Too old to be his sister, so this must be his mom.

“Hi, I’m sorry I’m late,” I said. “I’m Ari Wright, we talked on the phone?”

“Of course,” she said, and smiled, stepping aside. “Please, come in, ah…?”

“Ari is fine,” I said, and followed her inside. “Thank you so much for agreeing to meet with me, Mrs. Riley.”

“Oh, please, Louise is fine,” she said. “Would you like some water, tea?”

“Uh, water would be great, thanks,” I said.

She left me in the living room, excusing herself to go into the kitchen to get it, which gave me another minute alone with the painting.

Which was just as ordinary-extraordinary as it had been on Friday night. Exactly like I remembered it.

To be fair, I’d spent probably way too many hours the past few days studying my shitty phone pictures of it, so.

“I have to admit,” Mrs. Riley--Louise--said, rejoining me and setting a pitcher of water and a couple of glasses on the table. “I was a little surprised when Phil told me one of his friends was interested in Mémé Cosette’s painting.”

I stepped away from the wall and sat in one of the armchairs--not the couch; that would have been Awkward at least in the back of my brain. “I saw it when I was over here with Phil the other day, and…well, it jumped out at me.”

“Right,” she said. “So, what exactly are you looking for here?”

“Well, I was hoping to get your permission to do a more thorough study of the piece,” I said, then hesitated. “…if I can start by asking you some questions? About the painting and its history, whatever you know about it. And recording, if that’s okay. Easier than taking notes.”

“That’s fine,” she said, picking up her glass and settling into one of the other chairs.

I took a sip from the other glass, then set my phone to record audio and put it on the middle of the coffee table. “I suppose I should start with...well, I’m not sure how much you’re aware of your ancestor’s career--Phil wasn’t, at least?”

Louise smiled. “I know who Mémé Cosette was, or at least what I was told about her,” she said. “Euphrasie Pontmercy, also known as La Jardinère. I always liked listening to the family stories.”

“What can you tell me about the painting?” I asked. Obviously, if I went forward, anything she told me would have to be backed up by other sources. Anecdotal family history had a funny way of getting tweaked or embellished over the years, especially when the relative in question was someone even moderately famous. “Phil told me it’s always been in your family, and she’s your…”

“Great-great…great grandmother, I think,” Louise said, taking a moment to count. “My grandmother’s grandfather was her son René.”

The youngest of the five children. Right.

“I’m not sure how exactly the painting ended up in my great-grandmother’s possession, as opposed to any of the other children or grandchildren, but I know she was the one who brought it with her to the States, when she emigrated from France in 1912.” She smiled wryly. “According to the story, they almost boarded Titanic at Cherbourg, but one or more of the children had the measles. Or possibly diphtheria, I’ve heard different things at different times.”

“Not something you’d normally think of as lucky,” I said.

“No, not really,” she agreed. “Like I said, that’s the story, and who knows if it’s true. But I do know that the painting came to my great-grandmother somehow, and she passed it on to my grandmother Marie-Celeste, who left it to me. Since I was the only one of her grandchildren who liked to listen to her stories.”

“Had she actually met La Jardinière?” I asked. It was possible--if they’d been planning to sail in 1912, and Jardinière had died in 1910…

“A few times,” Louise confirmed. “She was about six when Mémé Cosette died, but she remembered visiting her.”

Well, that was a pretty damn solid foundation for the painting’s provenance. Again, I’d have to back up the authentication in other ways, but this was looking more and more promising.

“What about the subjects?” I asked. “The men in the painting, I mean. It’s labeled as Papa and J. Do you know anything about them?”

“Only the stories,” she said. “She was adopted, did you know that? Mémé Cosette, I mean.”

That was interesting; adoption wasn’t a very common practice in the early nineteenth century, at least not in the United States or Great Britain, and most of what did happen was very much behind closed doors. I made a mental note to add the history of French adoption law to my research list. It was unlikely, but maybe I’d get lucky, and there would be some kind of record of the adoption somewhere. If I could track down exactly when and where it happened.

“No, I didn’t,” I said. “Unless there’s something in an obscure French biography I haven’t been able to find and muddle through, I don’t think anyone knows much of anything about her childhood. Which is one of the reasons this painting is so interesting. When did this happen? And where?”

“I don’t know where, exactly,” Louise said. “Some little town in Normandy, maybe? Somewhere in the north of France, I’m pretty sure. Again, according to the family stories. It was when she was around seven or eight, I think? Before that…I don’t know. My grandmother didn’t know, or if she did she never told me, but I think she had the impression that it wasn’t a very good situation. And then Mémé Cosette was adopted, so that’s where Papa came into her life.”

“Do you have a name for him?” I asked. “Her marriage license listed her maiden name as Fauchelevent, but was that his name, or from her birth parents…?”

“That I don’t know,” she said. “All I know is that she was adopted, and that she named her eldest son for her adoptive father.”

And Jardinière’s eldest son’s name was Jean, which was. Extremely, unhelpfully common.

“Do you know which of the men he is?” I asked. “In the painting, I mean.”

Louise got up and went to the wall to examine it. “I…think the bearded man. My grandmother obviously never met him, and I think her grandfather--René, I mean--was very young when he died, but that matches up with what she heard from her aunts and uncles, as she passed it on to me. He was a very private person, and supposedly very strong. One story--and I can’t say I believe it’s true--involved him physically carrying another man to safety for something like twelve hours after some kind of disaster.”

Which…well, Louise was right, that story didn’t seem all that credible. But the more general description, and the kind of man who would give rise to that sort of story, did match up with the impression the painting gave.

I stood up as well, leaving my glass on the coffee table, and joined her at the painting. “What about the other man? The mysterious J?”

“We’re back to a game of generational telephone on this one,” Louise said. “I know even less about him. But my grandmother said he was a close friend of the family, according to what Mémé Cosette told her when she asked once. That he and her--that is, Mémé Cosette’s--father lived together for the last decade or so of his life. Not sure which him she meant.”

…well, all right then.

My eye was, once again, drawn to J’s hand, resting on the back of the chair. And they lived together, maybe, for a decade or so.

Of course, that could mean a lot of different things. And, you know, it’s easy to see what you want to see, especially when there’s so little information to go on. Whatever their relationship was, though, I’d been right in my initial impression of intimacy. Whatever kind of intimacy it was.

“Right,” I said. “I think that’s a good baseline, at least for now, but I might have more questions later. And I…not that I’m saying I doubt your version of the story, or anything, but…”

“But if you want to actually research the painting, you need more proof than half-remembered family stories after two centuries of generational telephone,” Louise said, and smiled again. “It’s fine, I know how research works. I remember when my husband got his Master’s degree.”

“Yeah, exactly,” I said. “Thank you, for your understanding. Um, so, with your permission, I would like to borrow the painting for a few weeks. To authenticate it, and do a more detailed analysis of the technique and construction and so on, see what else I can learn from the actual physical piece.”

“Right,” Louise said, turning back to the painting again, thinking. “Just to study it, you said? And, obviously, write about your findings if you find anything worth writing about. But you won’t put the painting on display in a museum or anything?”

I shook my head. “Not unless you agree to it, no. I’d take photographs, to include with the paper, but the painting itself won’t go on display unless you allow it.”

“And when you cite it…I don’t know how it works, exactly, but you wouldn’t have to specifically name me?”

“No, I can just list it as being in a private collection.”

“Right,” she said. “…I have to admit, now that you’re here asking questions…I didn’t really think about it before. How many gaps there are in the story.”

“It’s funny how memory works sometimes,” I said. “Especially…well, like you said, when generational telephone gets involved.”

And it was…a weirdly appropriate question in context, since that was something Jardinière had come back to time and time again in her work. This idea of memory, and how it lines up with reality. How it changes. Those repeat paintings she’d made of the same locations in Paris over the years. The series of paintings of her own memories.

And, of course, her last painting. Souvenir--inachevé. Memory--unfinished.

Definitely need to get to Chicago to see it in person.

“True,” she said. “All right. Under those conditions--that the painting won’t be displayed, and that you’ll leave my name out of it, you have my permission to borrow it and do whatever tests or study you need for your research.”

“Thank you!” I said. “Thank you so much, this…I really appreciate all your help, Mrs.--Louise.”

“You’re welcome,” she said. “And I hope you’ll share whatever you find with me, before publishing?”

“Of course,” I said. “It’s your painting, your family history.”

“Good,” she said, and smiled again. “I hope you find what you’re looking for.”

“Me, too,” I said. “Me, too.”

[starryevening]

2023 resolutions & goals

lol i post these for myself so they’re easy to find and archive. took me a month to think of the big hits but here we go. 

Life & Living 

Better Manage Deadlines This is probably the biggest ongoing goal-but I want to see you improve your time management this year and generally hit more deadlines. It was really rough last year and we wanna try to improve.

Explore More You’re still struggling with social anxiety and reverting from some hermit like habits you gained over 2020. Try getting out there more, even a little.

Leave your apartment at least 4 days a week prioritize consistency even if it’s brief.

Try dedicating one day a month to go on some kind of ‘outing’ by yourself to get more comfortable with your own company (such as going to an art gallery, music show, movie etc).

Initiate Socialization More Try to be more proactive in in-person hang outs this year. Offer game nights or go out of your way to see more folks in person. Also don’t be afraid to initiate discord calls/hangouts-we did a little better last year but we can do more this year.

Add Good Habits to Your Free Time Now that you have a pretty regular schedule with work, try reintroducing things you used to love and set aside while too busy in college/post grad. Aim for at least one of the following;

Read a book on nights before work in office

Read at least 12 new books ( comic & novels )

Sing more often, even if it sounds bad

Settle into your Apartment   We’ll be moving this year to a more long term place, so take some real time to make it home as soon as you move in. Don’t wait half a year this time for the love of god-prioritize it asap. 

Health

Maintenance Medical Appointments I'm glad you’re finally set up with your new health insurance - now it’s time to actually use it. There are some regular maintenance things you haven’t done need to prioritize this year.

Go to a Dentist

Go to An Eye Doctor

Get a General Practice Doctor

Discuss Birth control, Discuss Pap Smear, Discuss Mammograms, Possibly Discuss Metal Ankle implant, Possibly that other thing.

Find a Reliable Physical Activity Post covid you've still had a lot of trouble with keeping active, especially given that you don’t live in a super walkable neighborhood. Try finding a physical activity of any kind that you can tolerate and do on a weekly basis. Some ideas are:

Walking in the park ( Photograph nature )

Yoga inside ( to podcasts etc. )

Renew YWCA and Swim again

Improve Hygiene Routines  I’d like to try to make some reasonable additions to your personal hygiene this year, you grubby backwoods creature. Some suggestions include:

Start a daily skincare routine

Wash your face daily

Look into better skin and hair care methods.

Continue Maintaining Mental Health

You’ve done a great job of managing your mental health in the past year-honestly I don’t have any improvements to suggest, just want to encourage you to keep up the pace.

Art & Profession

Create New Portfolio Work Generally an easy task, but Considering putting additional focus into some of the ideas on the below list

Create at least Three new Pieces

Experiment with color, & more dark / dramatic shading

Experiment with Mock Comic / Book Covers, Posters

Experiment with Prop or Background focused pieces

Experiment with weird comic paneling & composition

Experiment with Product Design ( Pins, Patches etc. )

Revise & Overhaul Your Portfolio This is going to be a pain in the ass but it’s long overdue. Move your site to a new host that’s less expensive and take some time to get feedback from peers to retune and refine your Portfolio site. Create a Commission Site / Carrd and Open them Again Add a small commission side-site as well and use that to set aside funds for fun events or bigger future projects. This is kind of gonna be your play money. Plan a Larger Scale Project Try planning out, in a tangible form a larger scale project. This could be a longer mini comic, creating some enamel pins or organizing a zine project. But I’d really like you to make headway on some of your many larger scale projects this year. 

[erithacuscreations]

06/24 Update (fundraising)

Hello again folks! Happy Pride! I hope you all have been doing well!

Work has been the same old daily slog; my drive is significantly longer now that I’m living in a different city and that bums me out a bit. Summer is always a slow season for us, and I can tell there’s not much room in the budget for hours because I’m not getting many! I’m constantly in a struggle trying to pick up more work there.

I haven’t been doing great about it, but I really need to push harder for commissions hard right now. My cat has some dental work that needs done, I have a medical bill that needs to be paid and a prescription to get, the car needs an oil change and new tires probably… I hate that I’m making more than most people doing the same thing, and I still can’t afford everything I need.

That said, I’m open for various types of commissions! Info can be found here: [https://erithacuscreations.carrd.co/]. I'll be making a more formal post on my "timeline" sites here soon that will be able to be reshared as well, if you're able to help that way.

Anyways, thank you for reading, as always, and I hope this upcoming week treats you well!

(Also, If you don't need a commission but can still afford to help, my Ko-fi can also be found on my website ;;)

(((Also also: Artfight! I am going to be attempting it for the first time this year. Here I am: [https://artfight.net/~ErithacusCreations]))

(((Also also ALSO, if you’re in the DFW, TX area and are interested in keeping isopods, I stock several species at the moment! I would love to introduce others to the hobby (and maybe buy my hungry bugs some more leaves while I’m at it hehe))))

[keefwho]

April 05 - 2024 Friday

12:14am

6.5/10

This morning I put away my clothes, took out the trash, and vacuumed. I almost always vacuum on Friday because it sets me up to have nice carpet for the weekend. For breakfast I made eggs, sausage, and oatmeal. The eggs didn't turn out great and this meal hurt my tummy later in the day.

During work I warmed up with some torso studies in preparation for 57's commission. It went well, I cranked out what I had to. DS's package for me came in the middle of the stream so I set that aside for when I was done.

After stream I did my dished like usual and called DS so I could open her gift. It was a G1 Ghoulia doll which I didn't expect. Apparently she got kinda lucky getting it before it sold out. I was absolutely thrilled and I hope I made that apparent enough. I know I'm bad at showing surprise and gratitude with my body language. For about an hour after unboxing, we looked at doll prices and a couple videos. I left to make lunch.

Lunch was tuna spaghetti with the tuna I just got in the mail but I forgot the lemon pepper so I had to add it last and it worked out well enough.

For my afternoon work I continued a drawing of Millie I was doing and hung out in BR's server. I joined because AE was there but he had to leave within 5 minutes so I was left with another guy. I stayed but we didn't chat much, he didn't seem to want to talk to me. I left after my drawing time and a little bit of world making.

My tummy hurt now but it was over pretty quickly. I spent a little while way too invested in some thoughts while I browsed Twitter and other sites. Eventually I broke out of it and asked JD if he wanted to play Helldivers like he suggested earlier. We played 1 round while I cracked open a drink. I got off to wait for DS who I figured would be on soon and she was. We watched the newest 22 minute long Tell your Tale episode while she did her nails. Then we got into VR. In VR I had joined on BD since I knew she was partying and I figured we could probably merge into them for the night. I thought it felt kinda disjointed when we joined and I really wanted to show DS the puzzle world so I dropped a portal for us. BD and her friends actually followed which was a nice surprise. It was chaotic at first but it was really fun, we did 3 puzzles and took about 10 minutes each. Then we went to a smash or pass world where almost all the characters were from unfamiliar animes but it was still fun.

In bed I played KH2 for DS and we talked about some important stuff.

~~~

I struggled a little bit to escape my thoughts and give different people the attention I wanted to give. I lost sight of my goal to pay attention to things I like today to get a better idea about what I might value.