#work wasnt bad tho lol
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I pulled an all nighter and had work the next day but heres an obligatory Bday post for my little babyy
Happy birthday Kotokooo ヾ(´▽`;)ゝlove ya girliee
#weemoart#kotoko utsugi#dangnaronpa#danganronpa another#danganronpa another episode#ultra despair girls#warriors of hope#danganronpa kotoko#posting from twitter#kotoko utsugi birthday 2023#i posted this on twitter first but i had to work#so i posted it here super late#i finished this at like 5am#work wasnt bad tho lol
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having fun with colors for once :P
thanks @creepycoffins for the awesome dtiys :D
#creepycoffinsdtiys#trigun#millions knives#vash the stampede#i haven't drawn nearly enough knives. posted him even less#him and vash are so fun to draw :P ik they have the same face but it's like. fun to experiment with how different i can make them look yk#also admittedly. did most of this at work during downtime so if it looks funky..... my bad#the lighting isn't the greatest aight?? it's night shift and there's no windows but they do dim the lights#i did do the limited coloring i did at home lol. wasnt gon bring more art supplies to work#trying to get back into the swing of things with my drawing. i got myself a huion display for my birthday this year!#on top of my traditional i wanna do more animated stuff#primarily animated bc honestly i don't really wanna learn digital painting or whatever. im not interested in that and i like my harsh style#i'd also like to do more original work. i think last year was literally just trigun fanart lmfaoo#we'll see how things turn out ig#i'm not really holding myself to doing anything bc i don't see that turning out well. i am applying myself to more fan projects at the leas#tho those i'm applying more as a writer lmfao#well anyway. enough about me. i actually really like the drawing this was based off of! i didn't include the full body designs#and tbh vash's design is almost entirely cut out just cuz how the pose worked out :(#so i would highly suggest checking out the original art by the person i tagged!#and their other art's pretty banging as well :D
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seeing the scarlet witch comics made me wonder what do you think of wandavision / mcu wanda
i have legitimately like. no conscious memory i watched a movie with her in it but i did because i watched age of ultron nearly a decade ago with my bro and multiverse of madness within the last like. five years With My Bro so now what ...
#snap chats#i think the funniest part is that my sister- who isnt into comics in the slightest- wanted to watch wandavision with me#i dont even know if she actually watched it she didnt mention it again after that day#i wasnt even super into comics again at that time i think my bro and i just watched doctor strange and she mentioned it#i think she was trying to do that thing where she watched all the mcu movies and stuff in the 'right' order idk#its actually funny how we... never talk about the mcu ..... she had like a Very Apparent interest in it but ... huh#lol. anyways.#i legitimately have no memory of what she does in either of those movies. like i know shes 'the big bad' in doctor strange#but im trying so hard to remember what happens. in ultron i know pietro dies my sister was Vile for reminding me of that 💀#im p sure in doctor strange she was trying to keep her kids or somethin to that degree ... i dont remember forgive me ..#maybe if its somehow brought up in convo will like. watch wandavision or even ds again with my sis LOL#tbf tho i actually heard- when it was first coming out- that wandavision was actually like. good?#they changed the ending as people pieced things together which sucked tho but anyway ....#her skin in rivals makes me pissed tho. if thats anything of note. why are you white#like ik wanda hasnt always been portrayed with dark hair and darker skin but her base is in the game ..#also the blonde is taking me out elizabeth olsen is more like ...ginger no .. not blonde at least...#insane work really ....
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Anyways update i just didnt bother to post earlier:
fr God is good and the whole car crash my parents got into last week was so incredibly mild in terms of injuries!!!! worst was a bruised knee im pretty sure
ALSO-
*taps mic* HUG YOUR FREAKING LOVED ONES OR SO HELP ME!!!!!!!
#ALSO DO NOT READ THE TAGS IF YOURE HERE FOR A GOOD TIME!!!!#ENDED UP VENTING AGHHHHH- (<- amongus ref in 2024???? l+ratio) (no but seriously stay safe; im not sure if i should add a cw???)#no but like the cars themselves?#FOLDED-#ive seen photos of worse ones of course lol (ty internet <3)#but we´re all in agreement that if it had hit anywhere else at that speed it wouldve been BAD Bad-#like; severe injury to the leg at least; drivers door wouldve crumpled; thankfully it hit the tire mostly#our car got what seems to be the lesser damage and theyre still debating if it counts as total loss xd#also oh goshhhh#so i usually go and say goodbye to my dad when hes headed to work; i did it that day as usual; car was already halfway out the driveway#my dog also loves to go and she was already in the car#but my mom (taking my dad to work) said she´d need to stop by the store after dropping dad off; so she handed her back to me#last minute descision-#my dog is a small kinda elderly chihuahua and wouldve been on my mom´s lap when they crashed#no seatbelt for her obviously#she wouldve gotten injured so freaking bad if she was there ):#overall feels like we dodged a life altering accident by a hair#i wasnt even in it and im still shook hahaha#i always go say bye to dad if hes leaving for work no matter if im pissed off or sad or whatever#half out of habit; half bc i know anything could happen at any moment and id rather not have been too proud to say goodbye#dammit im crying now hahaha#saying again; everyones fine!!!!! please remember to hug your loved ones !!!!!!#shut up sheo#but oh gosh too many reminders of death as a constant recently#that happened about a week after a cousin died; i hadnt seen him in forever but his family went to our church growing up; he was my age#it was a dull and distant pain even then to hear the news but it still hurt; i didnt go to the funeral#did go to the one a couple days later tho; for a family member i truly didnt know; it was a car crash i think#a special kind of heartbreak from meeting his mom and seeing his kids running around#now that i realize it; as im writing this; i hadnt stopped to process just about anything hahaha#freaking sobbing at 9 in the morning smh!!!!!
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Tfw you can't tell how much sweat is your workout and how much is the gym's A/C being busted 🥲
#ore no kao#why yes my boxer briefs were drenched too--so rather than deal with an uncomfy commute home i went without 🥴#[havent done that in a while and wasnt too bad lol]#also met this guy into anime and stuff while working in on the squat rack and traded igs which was cool#i kinda maybe felt a vibe? but he was also pretty chill so hmm#we did end up talking quite a bit between sets and i felt bad for us kinda keeping 1 of 3 racks from people 😅#a few really cute guys around tho lol#also hey technically four workouts this week counting from Friday!#hoping to make it back this weekend unless plans come up lol
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this week....
#i say this every week but im so tired#work wasnt even that bad or exhausting but i think my mind just doesn't kno how to handle 8 hrs of work n 19 hrs of screen time#i did get a lot of writing done tho so win ig#also my team leader said i can start doing 2 days from home (i have to prove that im good at communication b4 full time work from home lol)#but im still going to the office every day bc i dont rlly have a space for my work stuff#and im probably not gonna be able to actually start remote work until a couple weeks from now (when my desk and stuff come in)#also i got the worst stomach ache yesterday it was actually so bad i was like am i gonna die....#turns out i was just constipated lmao but it was actually a lot lmao#vinnie talks
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...
#i dropped my no good very bad class 😘#i mean it wasnt bad. i liked what i was learning abt but i was spending way too much time on it when i should b doing research#so Hurrah for being sensible#i still feel like a learned things about how to read papers from my short time there and i also learned how to give myself sleep paralysis#so that's fun. all i have to do is work on something stressful in the middle of the night and then try to go back to sleep lol#its always lights coming on when theres supposed to b no one but me here and invisible hands touching me and pulling me around#so thats fun. still feel like garbage tho#i feel like a quitter >:-[ and i have an exam looming that im not ready for#and everytime i talk to someone whos all abt teaching i feel like a horrible teacher#bc im like the worst at positive feedback. im all functional responses and instead of being like: how can i do better to help im sitting#there like what if i just collapsed right here and perished. what then? then i woudlnt have to deal with teaching lol#ugh. im still tried#unrelated
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it's 2023 and drm is asserting boundaries against nsfw and truthing/shipping. how did we get here from 2020
#overall im glad the video was made. i still have a doubt on one thing#i wish his account where he posts actual stuff wasnt private i cant find this one tweet im looking for bc it was someone else's screenshot#and idk where they went so i have no way of confirming this tweet augh#but regardless. there are other things i wish he had addressed. but i guess they werent serious enough for this video#but then again he addressed a few things that were trivial in the scope of the topic lol#so idk :/ there were a few things i thought he wouldnt bring up that he actually did tho#was nice to have clarification on those#still not a big fan of his im just glad to hear that at least some of those things werent true#still need to come to my own conclusion on one thing i need to find something first tho#again. i'd rather him just be someone i dont like than to be someone who hurts other people#chat#i need to go to bed but i wanna dig around so bad...#but i work tomorrow i should like. be productive KJGHF
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why do i feel weirdly guilty for taking a day off of work to have necessary surgery 🤡
#they said i could go back to work but i did that last time and it was a pain so i took the day off#and i did a bunch of errands and Accomplished Things instead of napping which is what i wanted to do#then finally sat down to watch a movie and eat and im like....feeling guilty for not being at work#insane#to be fair the hour before i left yesterday was crazyyyy bc we had a kind of crisis#ibstayed a half hour late bc there wasnt enough coverage due to the crisis and i did my coworker's clean up for her bc she literally left#without finishing it#bc she was freaking out#crisis is one of the kids had lice lol#anyway she left without finishing her cleanup even tho the owner of the school and our boss's boss dropped by#to let us know the health department was coming thennext day (today)#and she Went Home even tho there was literally cottage cheese all over the floor wtf#anyway i was watching the kids while my supervisor bagged up all the stuffed toys and sheets and blankets etc to wash#then i did my other co teachers cleanup while my supervisor tried to do afternoon diapers but she was so late starting only 4 kids were lef#out of like 8 or 10 that probably should have been changed#so half of them went home without a final diaper change lmao#anyway#bugs 😬#i got a lice treatment shampoo and leave in conditioner but yuck#anyway i just felt really bad bc im out and they always need people but also im out on the day we're getting a ladt minute health inspectio#and i know that classroom is gross bc the cleaning crew thats supposed to come in every night has definitely not been doing that#this has been a shitpost#anyway my eye surgery hurts so bad wah 😭#its not even supposed to hurt that much but im like wicked sensitive to the light or something that it hurts a lot even w eye shields#and nobody is babying meeee#my mom made me clean the kitchen and the barn when we got home :(#my brother is making gf cookies for me tho but not bc of the surgery he just wants to try baking gf for me in general bc he's nice#also he's making 61 cookies by accident instead of 18 bc he doubled the recipe and then realized it was a recipe forngiant cookies lmao
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*peeks out from the rock i was hiding under* ... hi
#spice.txt#sorry ... i didnt intend for this to happen#i just uh ... i spiraled again and i needed to go and stay away from everyone for a while#doing that aggie when i wasnt 100% mentally ready to do one was a bad idea#im glad everyone else had fun tho#my feelings got hurt by several people but its prob bc im too sensitive and stuff and im sorry if i made anyone worry with my abrupt leave#both like from the aggie AND from tumblr for this past week ... but im also sorry to assume that anyone DID worry#i dont want to seem entitled to think anyone actually did miss me bc i wouldn't blame you lol#anyway... sorry again... ill be slowly coming back i hope#things are still a little touch and go ... im just struggling with my own self image and self worth when it comes to my place here#as in ososan tumblr... i just feel underappreciated but at the same time i dont think im worth appreciating so im having a lot of inner#like .... turmoil#feeling stupid and stuff... im working on it#spice.vent#sorry if u chose to read this
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speaking of genbu's "serious" sounding tone in his voicebank, i think that might be why he was such a dead ringer for teto pre-synthv-bank-release with just a couple little gender parameter tweaks. wait do my followers know this. sorry i know most of my vocal synthesizer talk is genuinely gibberish to my beloved and loyal long time followers but do you guys know this. for a few years, people had discovered that since utau teto and genbu have this similar strong enunciation and dark sounding tone plus teto can have a bit of a tomboyish edge to her voice anyway -> if u mess with some parameters and phonemes he'll sound close enough to her, so it became a bit of running gag in the community, along with just being a genuine and novel use case for his voicebank. actually recently i found out about someone who made a couple of synthv scripts to set genbus voice to his falsetto pitch and set the tension to drop during each syllable automatically to make him sound like the utau sora amaha. genbu's purpose is to impersonate other vocal synthesizers
#i wasnt familiar with sora until i found that video. apparently she's voiced by lon? like that lon? like the utaite?#which is really neat! every day i find out about another utaite or seiyuu or someone who is involved with vocal synths in some fashion#im still reeling from anju inami providing the voice for a cevio bank! oh and the other day#i learned that the utaite kano was involved with the japanese version of luo tianyi#only to clear up some pronunciations - most of the bank is apparently the original provider. but its really interesting!#also jk jk genbu i love you. you are youre own vocal synth. you dont have to be her (teto). be yourself!!!!!!#i do love when people make teto and genbu have beef though. its so funny to me#tbh ive never been a teto user. shes not bad or anything i just never had any desire to use her utau bank. i keep her sv lite around tho#just in case i feel like making her bully genbu or something. bully that grown ass man#wait is she older or younger. i forgot how her fucked up chimera age worked again. oh well. whether ur 30 or 16 u can still bully him <3#its a family activity. fun for all ages! anyway yeah i was never much of a teto user. tbh i think its just because like#if i want to hear a teto cover someone else probably has already done it far better than i could even think to LOL#i like when other people use her! sasuke haraguchi's use of her in hitomania and igaku has been magnifique#but i think with vsynths i prefer to use voices i like that no one uses much LOL#gives me much more drive to make covers if i know im one of the few doing it HJKDSLJ#whenever i get tired to pitchbending fast syllables (my least favourite part LOL) i think to myself.... i must.... i must....#do it for him (genbu)..... hes not very popular since hes not the only male japanese voice anymore..... i must do it for HIM!!!!!!#(tunes one phoneme and explodes on impact)
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#it turns out that watching saw while snacking and knitting is indeed very good for your mental health#my body knew what i needed lmao#i got so many rounds done so i feel productive too and the irony of knitting a red and white scarf in the round...#...(meaning as a spiral - helical knitting) is not lost on me but the hidden spirals of the knitting project came after the spirals on saw#((its yoko's cowl from gurren lagann lol))#idk how im gonna block this thing bc it has wild floats showing on the front so im gonna need like 60 pencils to slide in there...#...before i start pinning it down and spraying it and idk how thats gonna go but it 100 percent needs to be blocked#tension? who the fuck knows what that is lmao#also the floats were a bad idea but like i didnt wanna knit 10 bobbins in the round for my first time knitting w bobbins#theyd tangle every time the project twists lmao but whatever im making the extra stripes caused by the floats to work#i wasnt sure how to stagger them in a way that wouldnt look weird and i had already unknit the project like 5 times so i committed#speaking of its 240 stitches each round lol its killer but its going so whatever.#im at about 6.5 inches and i want probably around 14 (im gonna connect the top and bottom to make it reversible/hide the back)#so yeah my night was better than the day i had thankfully#im so tired tho lol#i havent worked out yet today and i dont know if im gonna force myself to lol hashtag no days off lololol#ill see how i feel after i brush my teeth if im up for it i guess but im pretty tired from being mentally stressed all day#anyway good night ill prob#delete later / /
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get a load of that clean rectangular uv unwrap. you love to see it.
#it did take some tweaking to accomplish but hey. it wasnt too bad#very simple mesh tho its literally just 2 planes lol#anyway. more wip pics later if this works. no more ever again if this sucks#we will see#testing in game rn#well. waiting for game to load rn#simoleon
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Dropped my gorgeous girl (my bike) off at the shop to get her basket installed & fix the pedals. Apparently it just needs a part replacement, so I should have her back in a few days hopefully
Stopped by the shop I wanted to go to yesterday since it wasn't far out of my way & picked up a new deck of tarot cards. As much as I love my first deck, it's a very average starter deck, & I wanted smth more personalized. So now I have one. Gonna have to break out those puppies sometime soon
#speculation nation#i also got a box for it. bc i wanted one and it wasnt that expensive.#maybe if i keep it within easy reach i'll use them more than i have been my first deck lol#now im home. sitting. contemplating doing dishes. i really do need to.#and. of course. listening to trigun ost. rn it's playing 'july city' which is one of my favorite tracks in general#knives' piano. vash's theme. Worm Attack. the sand gang track. and july city. those are my favorite tracks from the ost#oh and Luida's decision. i love that one too.#i love a lot of them tbh. hard to choose.#i.. am so very tired. i got maybe 4 hours of sleep & it was completely my fault.#spent the day dancing and reading things not suited for work. and now i am home. and i just wanna sleep lol#in a Much better state of mind than i was last monday tho i will tell U that. jesus fuckin christ lmfao#just happy sleepy rn. much better than the vibrations under my skin urging me to do bad things#stress. all stress. supposedly.#i dont rly wanna do my dishes but i really really need to. ive been putting this off for weeks now. it's not getting any easier.#but... after i sit for a bit maybe...
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Making and keeping friends as an adult has been one of the most challenging things I've ever tried to do.
#friends#making friends#personal#i wasnt super popular in high school so i dont still have any of them#they all faded away#and the friends i have now...#i have 3 ish#meggy who i feel bad bc ive been a bad friend to her#Elizabeth I think still counts bc? that's how my brain works even tho i havent talked to her in months...a year?#and the guy from work#so who wants an unhinged friend to recieve memes and weird life advice from#please be my friend#a lil about me - im 28 i live w my mom bc im poor i work at a factory i have college degrees i have a cat i love astronomy and astrology pt1#pt2 im honestly pretty lame i like to draw and paint and watch tv i like star wars GOT gilmore girls im new to harry potter but mostly#im bored and lonely and want people to talk to#dm me lol
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exciting day so far
#264 (the couple who pays extra to have their bed made every day (which is crazy)) knocked over a CLOCK in their room#the wife did it on accident luckily she was ok.but i had 2 hunt down maintenance to fix da clock and i thought i found a guy but apparently#he wasnt actually a maintenance guy So i might kms. but he said hed find a maintenance guy for me so..#bc my boss was like ok ryan (head of maintenance (wnd housekeeping but hes a maintenance guy. my boss is the real head of housekeeping lol)#might be in the maintenance shop. and i was like okie went in and he wasnt 💀💀💀 so i just saw a guybwearing black which i thinkk is#maintenance color and i was like halp me ! and he was like erm yeah ill find a maintenance guy for you ^-^#it was so awk tho. my job on weekdays (except tuesdays bc thats the day they get cleaned) is 2 make the bed and its usually umm#shes usually in da shower with her caretaker. not like eith but. ykwim. and the husband is usually asleep on da couch#but i got there like 10 minutes early so they were both up and also yhe husband was like Are you a guy can you help and i was like erm no#and i misunderstood i thought he was having like#a medical or#something else issue. yk. but then i overheard him talking to the wifes caretaker and realized he said CLOCK. and i was like ohhh ok..#but i finished the bed and said okie ill find a maintenance guy t come help asap :]#and he was like thanks 👍 hes very sweet idk if we had spoken b4. well probably but idr much of it#i think ive mainly spoken to da wife b4. shes very sweet shes had a stroke so its a bit difficult to understand her sometimes but shes very#nice.. i ws sooo worried thenfirst day bc allegedly we got there early (aka the time they usually went to do the bed) so now k do it at 9#which is mildly inconvenient but not too bad. ideally id be making the bed b4 i starty rooms 4 the day bc i have like an hour anf a half to#do my morning work. so i could just slot ir in real easy.. but its all good jo worries. but ya so she was kind of irritated the first day#and also it was my first time speaking to someone who had had a stroke. so i didnt realize thats just like. how she ralks and thought she#was just super duper mad. and i was like eep! but its ok.
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