#things are still a little touch and go ... im just struggling with my own self image and self worth when it comes to my place here | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bluegumballmf · 6 months ago

Text

OK SO RANT WARNING I LOVE ADAMAI

ngl i think about adamai so much like literally almost half of the time im thinking abt him so um i just wanna talk about my personal headcanons for him bc i rlly rlly like him he’s genuinely such an easy character to relate to for me because i relate to his trauma. Anyways, forgive me if you catch any spelling or grammar errors, i’m writing this with like 4 hours of sleep and dyslexia.

um so my main mental health hcs are that he has BPD, ADD (lololol fits with the name) and minor psychosis. For ADD, it’s moreseo that from what i’ve seen, adamai struggles in social cues and has a more quiet approach to his struggles, and that he acts similarly to me, and I am autistic. For psychosis, it’s sort of a baseless headcanon, I just feel like Adamai would get auditory/ tactile hallucinations.

It’s a little hard to explain why i think he has BPD cause it’s moreso things I can relate to, such as how he latches onto people rlly quick ; ie a BPD person’s “favorite person,” who is a support system and a sort of pillar/ anchor and typically end up being someone the person w/ BPD sometimes ends up changing themself for. I personally think that adamai’s had multiple favorite people, such as; grougal, qilby, phaeris, echo and oropo, and obviously, yugo. Its kinda hard for me to like. Phrase WHY i think these people are his fps, but i think it’s mostly how he values them and prioritizes them when it comes to his actions and thoughts and feelings, i mean, just take oropo for example. Adamai changed his entire body for oropo, taking the dofus in when he was still rlly young for eliatrope/dragon standards, even assuming a body he didn’t want to survive, which even then, he only did for approval and support from his FP. This actually leads me into my next headcanon,

I headcanon adamai as transfem. Specifically a trans woman. For a few reasons, which I’ve gone over in a twitter thread (same username as on here, you should go check it out, I’m WAY more active there haha) but i’ll put it here.

1. adamai doesnt feel comfortable in his body and it’s elaborated on in the show. When he’s talking to eliatrope about his body, eliatrope states that he’s “always been unique” and iirc you can see adamai’s face drop because its not exactly something he’s proud of.

2: going off the last point, he’s shown to say that the body he now has in wakfu s3-4 is one he had to adapt to survive and not the one he chose, which is parallel to some trans people never transitioning because they dont feel safe enough to do so. this is kind of a stretch but bear with me, it’s more subconcious connections than anything else.

3. (More of a joke point) BUT HE LITERALLY HAS THE SAME WAIST SIZE AS JESSICA RABBIT. WHAT. YES I’VE ACTUALLY COMPARED I AM NOT JOKING. Like here are the images (see below) for comparison. In all seriousness, while i feel like adamai’s design IS iconic and it does serve the purpose it meant to acheive, it doesn’t feel like him. Which again, is what it meant to acheive!! I’ll touch on this more in a second, but not.

4: adamai has multiple issues regarding self perception, which in a way are all similar to dysphoria. He seems to have rejection dysphoria, body dysphoria, and maybe gender dysphoria. In my view, he seems to have all three subtypes of gender dysphoria (body, mind, and social) this actually ties in to the first point, because i feel like he’d develop a sort of body dysmorphia from shifting into a body he didn’t want, rather then a body that would be more comfortable for him; the human or the dragon. Which i’m choosing to see as a representation of the two genders; with him shifting in between being a sort of safe spot, like how many trans people identify as nonbinary or bigender before transition. (Not to say that these people are any less trans then any others, i’m just going off my own perception as a trans genderfluid person!!!)

5: he’s always being forced into roles; from being raised for yugo, to being yugo’s mentor, to being grougal’s nanny, to being possessed, etc. Ad never has chances to choose any roles by himself, and it’s similar to transphobic parents stopping their trans kid from expressing themselves imo. Again, could be a stretch, but this is how i interpreted it. It’s actually kind of similar to my parents, so maybe that’s why. Though, this COULD also just be gifted kid burnout or autistic burnout OR strict parent parallels, which i also can see correspond with adamai.

6: His mental image and self worth.

Adamai’s character is heavily influenced by a lack of self worth. He measures it with other people’s perceptions of him such as oropo’s or grougal’s, and when his body is perceived negatively by himself/others, he also starts hating it and himself, which ties into the headcanon i had about him having body dysmorphia AND into the BPD favorite people!!!

7: ( sounds like a joke point but bear w me) estrogen could have saved him

And honestly, no, Im not joking. Imo, if Adamai was allowed access to an actual process to be able to feel comfortable in his own skin, it might help his mental illnesses a lot in the long run. I equate that to him getting estrogen + finally looking like himself. It could help him with the body dysmorphia and self esteem by helping him get to a place where he’s comfortable to be himself and maybe even shapeshift again. (I actually wrote a fic about this on Ao3, https://archiveofourown.org/works/55070686, if you want to read it!!)

But um yeah, thats my reasoning for the trans headcanons, onto the less mental health involved ones, more miscellaneous. (But if you’re wondering why i’m using ‘male’ pronouns on Adamai, it’s because i feel like he would still like the he/him pronouns, but would simply use she/her more post transition.)

So, i have a few, mainly for adamai during winter vs summer.

In winter,

Silverish hair to blend with the snow

hair puffs up slightly to provide more insulation

lighter pigmentation everywhere,

much sleepier, tends to nap in the snow often

And then in the summer,

Blonde hair

more pigmentation

hair is less puffy, just curly (similar to chibi’s hair!!!)

less sleepier and more energetic.

Those are the basic ones for the seasons, but i also headcanon adamai to be an ice dragon, which means his tempurature is MUCH lower then the rest of the council’s save for maybe efrim. He needs to be in the sun much more, which could be part of the reason why grougal chose oma island to raise adamai. Another headcanon is that adamai and yugo both have heterochromia!! Yugo has central heterochromia, and Adamai has sectoral heterochromia; his eyes being blue and brown. I also headcanon that he has face markings similar to his mother, but they disappear in his dragon form because he’s closer to his father then.

Um yeah, that’s kind of it for right now, i might add onto these if more come up, but i hope you enjoyed reading!! I rwally love adamai, especially in s3 and up, he’s one of the most well written traumatized character’s i’ve seen, and i ADORE the nuance behind him.

21 notes · View notes

croissantk · 2 months ago

Note

AUGH IDK IF IM LATE TO THE ASK GAME BUT !!! mk and mei for the duo bingo!

HI HI HI you're not late at all don't worry!!

GOD OKAY. They make me a little bit insane. I know they like NEVER talk about it in the show, but I fully believe they met as children btw. However, I do think it would be funny if they met not too long before the show starts and their friendship is just Like That already. Because jt would be funny. (Pls writers give us more backstory) Also, yes, it's a little weird, but I'm cool w both romantic and familial interpretations as long as you don't take away from the friendship aspect. Because they literally have no other excuse for caring about each other in the way they do, it's just pure platonic devotion. (So basically, as long as ur interpretation stays in character) just GOSH they are so silly and then when shit starts getting serious they're clearly like eachothers #1 priority; their first instinct is to protect eachother. (Yes I'm looking at s4e2 when mk chooses to save mei from the curse goop over everyone else. Yes I'm looking at s3e9 when mei tried to attack macaque for hurting mk even though she was literally KEELED over in pain. And many more such cases.)

Not even to mention what we were talking about in rb tags of my post, where the way their relationship/themselves are kinda foreshadowed to be something doomed (especially in regards to the hero&warrior/eclipseduo parallels) but they care about eachother (and everyone else) so much, that they both make self-sacrifical actions just to save eachother (and the world). Mei losing her sword when protecting mk. Letting herself be captured by lbd so mk can get away safely. The whole thing with mk going in the samadhi fire to reach mei. Which is also something I so desperately wish we could get a parellel/sequel to with the roles switched; mei trying to reach mk in his struggle with his identity/powers. It ties into both themes of abandoning vs protecting your friends + breaking the cycle sooo well.

However!!! Another aspect that I wish got more attention; how mk is ignorant to mei's feelings sometimes. It happens a few times throughout the show and it's usually brushed off easily but it IS a recurring issue that I wish the writers delved into more..it was kinda touched on in s5 and it made my eyebrows raise but it looks like it's still being played for jokes? Idk. I find it interesting because it is very clear that mk and swk are avoidant to their own feelings but no one talks about how mei is like that as well. I think mk and mei both struggle with self-worth issues just in a different font, that leads them to both make self-sacrificing decisions for the sake of the people they care about. Then you mix that together into one derangedly devoted relationship. And I wish they did more with it. Bc it makes me crazy.

#thank you so mjch for the ask #🫶🫶#askbox #lmk #jackfruit duo #goldendragon #sorry this got long. they are in my brain

5 notes · View notes

bspeaks · 6 months ago

Text

caregiver nicky alert

warning: very self indulgent, very specific, very fluffy

i struggle severely with a skin condition called hidradenitis suppurativa, so this is something im writing for myself. thinking about him frequently helps me get through my very painful showers. if you struggle with anything similar then this is for you too <3

just nicky helping you shower. he knows youre tired and in pain and he just wants to take care of you. he knows that showering will make you feel a bit better but he understands the dreadful feeling you associate with the task, and he just wants to do whatever he can to get his girl to start feeling better.

he always notices when youre struggling, even if you're trying to be discreet about it. he sees the way you cringe at the sensation of your own skin when you move, the way you pause in action because of a sudden pain, the way you linger in uncomfortable positions for longer than you want because youre afraid of the pain that might come with moving.

of course he offers to bring you pain meds, asks you if youre keeping up with your prescription meds, might even offer to roll you a joint to take your mind off things. but sometimes he can tell you need some extra help, and hes eager to offer it to you. youre comfortable with him and he knows all about your condition, so he feels equipped to step in and do the work for you when you need it.

he prepares everything in a much nicer manner than you would if you had managed to drag yourself into the shower. hes got the water at the perfect temperature, comfy clothes sat waiting for you when you get out, a towel in the dryer so that its nice and warm for you afterwards, even lit your favorite candle in the bathroom to help calm your mind a bit.

once youre in the shower together hes the most gentle and attentive man on the planet. plus, he wont let you do any work. hes shampooing your hair thoroughly, but being gentle on the edges of your scalp where he knows you have sensitive flare ups. hes rinsing it out completely then working conditioner into your hair. hes clipping your hair up so that the conditioner can sit for a while. hes got your routine down entirely.

next hes washing your face, his soothing hands moving across your skin. he definitely covers your face with kisses once its rinsed and tells you how good youre being. then its time for the hard part, washing your body. he knows hes gotta go in with a special soap first with just his hands on the areas where youre flaring up. you let him manipulate your limbs and give you little commands while you try your best to stay still and focus on your breathing.

his hands are so careful, never pressing too hard or moving too fast. hes constantly checking in, asking "is this okay?" or "does it hurt here?". and when you gasp and wince because he/the water touched a spot that stung really bad hes immediately pulling you into his arms and comforting you. whispering "oh m so sorry baby c'mere" and holding you close until youve recovered from the pain.

once hes done with the sensitive areas he goes in with a washcloth and your favorite bodywash. trying to wash and rinse the stress away. and finally he removes the clip from your hair and rinses the conditioner out. he even detangles it for you, once again being super gentle and careful with your tender scalp.

once youre all done he dries off quickly then grabs the warm towel out of the dryer to take care of you. he wraps you in the towel, holding you against him to warm you up. once youre all dry he helps put bandages on you where youre worried your flare ups will stick to your clothes. he dresses you in the loungewear he prepared for you. he braids your hair so its out of your way.

and after that, hes ready to keep taking care of you for as long as youll let him.

#nicholas ruffilo #nick ruffilo #nicky fluff #sfw caregiver #bad omens fanfic

7 notes · View notes

moony-ghoul · 1 year ago

Note

some angst with ant and rain,, mean cold rain saying something that hits ant a little too hard and sends him spiraling :( maybe misdirected anger or maybe ant fucked up !

i was thinking about this exact situation yesterday but in a more nsfw context

(transmasc rain, mean rain goes too far)

ant was in a push and pull. they feel like they’re floating only to be violently dragged back down to earth with every agonising grind on their dick

their hands tied up behind their head keeping them trapped, connected to the headboard

they’ve already cum once, but that could have been hours ago, they’ve lost sense of time. the only tether to reality they have is where rain is touching them. his fingers digging into their waist, their dick buried in his wet cunt, the slow movement of their hips threatening to push them over the edge

“rain- rain- please i’m so- i’m gonn- fuck”

rain stops moving and glares down at them, “have some self control, darling.” he leans back, digging his claws into ants thighs for leverage and starts riding him in earnest

“you don’t get to cum until i do”

the change in angle is too much for ant. the clear view of themself sliding in and out of the water ghoul, his soft tits bouncing with each movement and the sounds fuck the light moans coming from rain mixed with slick soaked skin hitting each other

it’s all so much

it’s too much

ant tries to warn rain but it’s mumbled with the sobs racking through their chest as they cum

their relief is quickly ruined by the panic building within them

rain stopped moving, they don’t know when, their eyes are tightly squeezed shut

“imsorryimsirryimsorryimsorry”

tears flow strongly down their face despite how tightly their eyes are shut. another sob rips through them as they feel rain get off them and the bed. they can’t hear his movements over the sound of their own crying

“worthless”

the word feel like getting torn open with a knife

“i-im not i-i-i tried to-“

“worthless slut with a useless dick”

ant doesn’t even know where in the room rain is standing, his voice seems to echo inside their brain

their apologies fall out of their mouth on repeat but they don’t hear it. they try to curl in on themself, rope burning their wrists as they turn to their side

pain sparks in their shoulders as they struggle to free themself. did rain do this on purpose? tie them in such a way that they can’t free themself? or maybe they really are so useless that they just can’t figure it out

they can’t breathe

their skin is too tight

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

something snaps above them and they suddenly have free movement over their arms again

finally they open their eyes. blurry through the tears rain kneels next to them on the bed, one hand holding rope shears and the other rubbing small circles into ants hip. nothing but love and concern covers his face, all the bite from moments ago gone

“can you talk to me, bug?”

ant shakes their head softly, still shaken by the sudden turn of the scene

“that’s alright, love. i’m going to hold your hands, okay?”

rain takes the ghouls hands in theirs, removing the access rope from their wrists and rubbing smoothly over the angry red marks left behind

“i took things too far without checking in on you first and you got hurt and words can’t describe how sorry i am. you’re incredible, you did such a good job for me and you really tried hard, i know. you have nothing to apologise for.”

a fresh round of tears start to fall on ants cheeks, quickly wiped away by rain

“how about we go have a shower and i’ll order us some food? you can stay here tonight, we’ll watch a movie or something. how’s that sound?”

ant smiles softly, “good” their voice is still weak, but there nonetheless

rain kisses their hairline softly

“i love you. i love you so much, my lil love bug”

#oops i rambled #ant <33 #ANT DAY #ant x rain #shitty ghoul ficlets

32 notes · View notes

phr0gg13 · 10 months ago

Note

Can you do an angsty Will fic? Where he breaks down from being touch starved (he became used to giving hugs than getting hugs after being thrust into a role of leadership and having to act like he's always okay for his siblings) and Nico comforts him? It's kinda specific, so its completely your choice! im just really desperate for some Will angst

Pls no smut! and possibly Will X Nico! Thank youu <33

Ahhhh!! I love Will and Nico soooo muchhh, the minute I saw this request I already made a photo thingy for the fic and Im so excited!

Will Solace x Nico Di Angelo

Warnings: Angst/comfort, mentions of negative self image, and also infirmary stuff!

Will was tired to say the least, as the head counselor of the Apollo cabin he had a lot on his plate. Not only did he have to help out the new Apollo children but also the current ones. He felt like a mom at times, struggling to stop all her kids from accidentally dying. Oh and he also was one of the head healers at the infirmary. He spent all his time helping others but no one ever really helped him. Of course he had friends and of course he had his siblings but none of them ever really picked up on his stress or negative thoughts. The dark circles under his eyes went unnoticed as well as the constant yawning.

Will had managed to get away from the busy day he was having. Opting to chill near the strawberry fields. He even picked a few to snack on, safe to say he knew this break wouldn't be long. Camp Half-Blood seemed to have a dramatic increase in new campers, Will didn't understand how the gods could have so many kids all the time, this meant that he had a lot more to do. A Lot more people to show around, explain things to, and also a lot more children that end up injuring themselves.

He always kicked himself mentally when he sighed at the new campers asking him for help. He was supposed to be a bright eyed, happy-go-lucky Apollo kid. Yet he wasn't happy, he was stressed and in a constant state of self loathing. Will felt water drops on his hands, looking up at the sky he saw it was still bright and sunny out. He was crying. In the middle of the Strawberry fields. He felt stupid. He was fine and a little work wasn't the end of the world. He tried to find the motivation to get up and go back to the infirmary but he couldn't. He couldn't stand the thought of going back to the bloody noses, and the bruises, and the whining.

He didn't want to. He just wanted to stay put in the fields. Streams of tears came out of his eyes, the stress of everything was too much. He put his head against the tree he was sitting next to and let himself cry. This was fine, he was fine. No one was around anyways.... Or so he thought.

"Hey you okay Sunshine?" Will knew whos voice it was. Nico Di Angelo, a child of Hades and someone Will was quite enamored with. Will quickly wiped his face, "Yeah, I'm great... It's just really hot out, some sweat got in my eyes." Will resonded sheepishly. He wasnt trying to lie to Nico, he just didnt want to burden him with his problems. "You sure? Cause from where I'm standing it seems like you are hiding in the strawberry fields crying..." Nico sat down next to Will. Will looked at Nico, who was wearing some black jeans and a black shirt (He never wore his camp half blood shirt) with a skull on it. He gave Nico a small smile, "I'm just stressed I guess...". Nico nodded and looked around the camp. Everyone was doing their own thing, they didn't notice the pair at all. "You do alot for the camp, I'm not suprised you're stressed. You should talk to Chiron about some time off or something..." Nico's suggestion was nice but Will couldn't stand the thought of not being useful. He didn't want to be dead weight. "I'm fine. I just...." Will couldnt find the words he was going to say. Nico faced Will and gave him a concerned look. "Please stop overworking yourself. It's not healthy and you're supposed to be a doctor or whatever..." Nico joked with the blonde. "I'm not a doctor, I'm just a kid they put in charge of the health of countless other kids..." Will sighed. "Yeah, but you're damn good at your job, Solace." Nico's compliment made Will's cheeks burn. "Thanks..." Will looked away from Nico trying to hide his blush.

A horn could be heard in the distance, it was dinner time. Will sighed, he would have to go back to everyone, put on a smile and pretend all over again. The moment with Nico was just a moment. It wasn't permanent. "Guess it's time to eat..." Will sat up and got on his own two feet. "Thanks for talking to me Nico." He started to walk away until he felt a hand grab his wrist. "Wait... You can sit with me if you'd like. The hades table is always empty..." Will smiled at Nico and nodded his head. "Yeah, I'd like that alot Nico." Nico gave Will a small smile and closed the distance between them, wrapping his arms around Will. Nico had his head against Will's chest considering he was a few inches shorter than Will.

Once again tears threatened to leave Will's eyes, but for a different reason this time. He returned Nico's hug and placed his chin atop of his head. The two stayed there for a few minutes. Just enjoying the embrace of the other. That night at dinner Nico and Will talked on and on about everything. Nico even convinced Will to talk to Chiron about his stress. Safe to say there were a lot more moments in the strawberry fields for Will and Nico.

#percy jackson fanfiction #will solace #wilco #solangelo #nico di angelo #nico x will

15 notes · View notes

a-v-j · 1 year ago

Text

He couldnt be THIS happy

Akills and Hryxy

Content warning:

yandere fever, bad puns, emotional conflict(but not as bad like with averse), dick mention, character aware of going OOC, panic attack, emotional outburst, knives, bit of self-harm, character believing they dont deserve a happy ending, hryxy doesnt know what to do but he's trying his best, hurt/comfort, author speaks/side comments, not really a polish fic so format can be a bit wonky

Written by @nyxus-nyx and me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Akills=Italic

Hryxy=Bold

Previously(suggestive warning)

Akills decided to chill here after his strenuous activity 🚬

Hryxy appears behind Akills and stares down at him. His body was still half morphed beast as his tail dragged on the ground making scrapping sounds.

Akills flicks the cigarette and stomps on it

"not having a good day too, big guy"

He says so from his sitting position

(shiiiit i forgot Hryxy's in yandere-)

"Shit…." He hissed st himself

Hryxy just stared as he crouched down to Akills and tilted his head. His tail swaying more.

"i cant really tell if youre happy to see me or if youre plotting my demise already inside your head"

He deadpanned, staring back into hyrxy, trying to read something behind those eyes

”no.”

He fully sat, as his tail twitched and stopped fully. His eyes fixated on akills.

He cant really read hyrxy right now. Mild confusion etched to akills' face as he raised a brow

"…"

"Then what's in your mind, big guy"

”You..”

His tail began to sway and drag again, his mouth twitches. His claws flex a bit in the sweater pockets. The empty eyesocket continues to stare.

Akills tsk-ed and leans back.

"Well i hope it's not about chewing me. M'not in the mood"

Casually recalling how the thing with lavendar the first time he did it again after a long while. Doesn't mean much to him though, but boy it did left his body a little bit sore

"…"

"Ya gonna keep staring at me or …?"

Hryxy shook his head as he grabbed Akills and pull him onto his lap. His tail wraps around him along with his arms as his bodu warms up. Slowly releasing pain relief and healin magic.

“Tired.”

Akills tensed as he was randomly picked up and squished against Hryxy. He loosened up, feeling the other's healing magic

"Hey- didnt asked for this, just to let you know"

He stated as if he's gonna pull away but made no attempt to

Hryxy chuckled as his body slowly went to normal. He held onto Akills.

“Dont have to ask.. i already know.”

He sighed restin his head on Akills.

"well youre awfully touchy than usual"

He says, pretending to not know hyryxy is having some yandere fever going on

"Is there something you want from me?"

”No.”

He just sighed and held em. He grumbled.

“I know you, you know of this damn.. fever.”

Akills chuckled dryly

"Dont look at me, nobody knows what fixes that crap"

Akills took a long while to realized that this had probably the longest he's being touched that doesn't involve being chewed, pinned or generally in a pain inducing situation and it actually feels…nice? Gosh it's been so long

”Do you.. like dark chocolate?”

He mumbled as he reaches into his own shorts pockets searching for soemthing. He grumbles struggling to find the soemthing.

"heh, i dont really desire food anymore"

Akills says as he's being slightly juggled around in Hryxy's attempt to search something in his pocket

"And i doubt whatever you're finding is even actual chocolate-"

”Surprisingly it is.”

He chuckled as he pulled it out. He pulled infront of them both and opens it.

“Im not a monster without taste.”

"that's a first. I assumed youre gonna pull out some pieces of brains and call it chocolate"

”Haha.. cant blame ya for that..”

He breaks it in half and offers it to Akills. He didnt care if he couldnt feel the need or cant eat. He has his own reasons why hes offering it.

“Its a bit salty sense i was in a rush gettin it.. was trying to get the sweeter one..”

Akills accepts it and takes a bite, a huge one

"Not complaining, it's a nice gesture coming from you, might as well do the same"

”Mm..”

He bites his half almost biting it all off.

“If you dont want the things i give or do.. tell me.”

"heh"

He rolled his eyes, as he gobbled up the last bite of his chocolate

"I'll let you know"

He finished the bite and ate the rest, his arm going back around Akills.

He rested his head back on Akills. He closed his eye sighing contently.

“Your body temperature mixes from cold and hot.. its funny..”

"what can i say, im all bones and no meat"

Akills sighed humorously, getting a bit comfortable being in the others embrace

He chuckled.

“Makes sense, your a skeleton. If so, id have to pick a Bone with you.. would try to eat it.”

He smiles a lil, his teeth hidden by his curved lips.

“Im bad at puns.. its been years..”

"real humerus, bud"

"Really tickled my funny bone"

He genuinely chuckled to himself this time, he internally thought for himself, he's not been joke-y since. It's quite nostalgic to simply humour around

"It's been years for me too"

He nods and his arms wrapped around more. Similar to a bear.

“Tell me soemthin interesting sbout you..”

His voice almost sounded as a purr as he closed his eye.

Akills almost on reflex attempted to friendly tap Hryxy for getting a bit tight there but he just lets him

"Well…besides having an expressive dick and absolutely charming- wait, am i really developing a personality right now?"

He chuckles to himself, with feelings this time. It's funny

"Im feeling funny"

It's like his old self is stirring back to him but he couldn't care, it feels nice. He usually wouldn't be caught dead having his old self back but this one feels like there's none of the bad things, he feels the him who was happy. Happy WITH someone

"Hehe, im feeling really out of character right now"

”Ha. Maybe your being developed..”

He loosens his arms for him more, he twitches a lil as his chest begans to itch.

Akills made Hryxy's arm stay in place

"Dont even think about it, big guy"

””Sorry. Sorry.”

His smile twitches as his body begans to itch. These feelings are weird. But he grins wider.

"hehe, i know right. It's weird and fluffy. It's so gay, haha"

He gives a friendly pat on the other's arm. A vision of just giving hryxy some belly rub crossed his mind but he knows better to think that's one hell of an idea

He laughed as he leaned back some, trying to rub his back on something.

“Makes you think this is a dream..”

Akills twitched as a foul memory flashed before him, setting him to haphazardly pry himself out of Hryxy's arms. Reality is sinking itself and he knows damn well he was in this situation before. What if it IS a dream.

This is too good to be true

He couldn't be THIS happy. Especially with SOMEONE.

What a joke

Akills scurried away from Hryxy. He shook, his hand gripping on his shirt as he tries to get himself back to calm. He looks like he's about to have a panic attack and shoot out his knives out of sheer anger at these…"feelings"

Hryxy just sat there his arms to his sides.

“Do you need to stab somethin.?”

He didnt feel like tackling or makin him more upset.

Akills did not respond but his hands started to shake more and glowed.

After a split second, a sonic boom kind of wave emanated from him and around him was a dangerous amount of knives, more than his magic supply could summon. He heavily breathes thru his mouth as he shakenly shut them tight in a grit. His face pure of hate and anger, his eyelight narrowed as he began throwing all his attacks everywhere where Hryxy isnt.

Dust and debris flew to the air as his attacks penetrated the ground with so much force, the sound almost felt like explosions as it continues to rain knives.

As the dust subsides, there alone akills barely standing. It appears that he cut against himself as well. He was trembling to stay standing.

He has his back still at Hryxy. He slowly turn, face void of any emotions but with almost dried streaks of tears barely visible against the stain on his face.

"… it's fine now.."

He monotoned

He tried to walk back to Hryxy, he barely made it as he collapsed

Hryxy quickly caught him and sighed, he looked down at Akills. His face full of confusion and worry.

“The more ypu do that.. the more im most likely going to tackle you.”

Hryxy huffed and sat Akills back on his lap and started to take off his hoodie.(Not Akills' l o l)

Akills seems to response back in a form of a groan. Being the weakest of autos when it comes to magic, his energy consuming attack earlier completely drained him, and he's unable to heal himself of the multiple cuts he brought upon himself. He's rendered immovable.

Hryxy puts the hoodie on Akills and he goes back to the bear hug and starts to heal him.

“Would be funny if a knife hit me in the face.”

He chuckled

If only akills have some energy left in him, he gladly would without hesitation. But right now, he's helpless, vulnerable, and weak. Might take a while for him to deliver Hryxy's request. Right now he has to heal

”Wanna know something funny. I cant die unless my soul is crushed.”

He stared at the endless abyss of this room. He just kept healing Akills.

“Can’t feel pain unless is afflicted on my soul.”

Hryxy was only met with the sounds of akills' breathing but it gives off a sense that the smaller skeleton is listening, he felt more relaxed now

”I don’t think the fever.. affects me much. Im still me just more.. clingy i should say.”

He shrugged his claws twitch and his chest itched. He only wore a white bloodied tangtop.

“I talk to much..”

It's interesting enough to know hryxy is able to bounce back from the effects of the fever. In fairness, it's only worse at the beginning and in the end, but he seems to do well managing the middle part of the process. Akills' tried to open his socket with little energy he has, he wants the other to know he's listening still

Hryxy leaned back abit, giving Akills some kind of space. Hryxy ruffles his hair and rubbed his temples. Itching at chest now sense has room now.

“God.. fuckin.. damnit.”

A hand quickly but sluggishly placed itself on Hryxy's claws that's scratching his chest, Akills' had his socket closed again but a small frown form itself on his mouth

Hryxy froze his head looked down at Akills hand. His chest began to itch more then ever before. His claw twitches under the others hand.

“What..”

Akills' response was nothing but silence, his mouth twitches as if trying to say something but it feels like he's having sleep paralysis. What will hryxy be doing next?

Hryxy begins to salivate and looks away, he grits his teeth. Scratching helps him not feel this weird things in his body. It keeps him from lashing out almost to what akills does but less cool. He laughed to himself but it turned into a growl.

“Can.. you scratch it.. if i cant..”

"…"

Akills' hand that's trying to stop the claw felt lighter, indicating the small skeleton is letting him do what he must. Remembering how the scratching could only mean that some nasty thing will happen, he just felt a bit… concerned with his own situation. He's very prone to the whatever may result if the bigger guy keeps on scratching

He scratches it but not as rough. His body is aching, but he used more of his magic to heal Akills.

“You remind me of a cat sometimes haha..”

He licks his teeth from the drool.

Akills brows slightly bunched together, seemingly disagreeing to Hryxy's statement. He was able to open his eye slightly and for a split second, one can see his eyelight was looking directly at the halfbreed before closing again

”Cats are cute yet dangerous. Could claw your eyes out.”

He humed as he slowly drifts into past memories. The flowers. The names. Mother..

He twitched clenching his claw into a fist.

“Fun times..”

If there's two things akills hate in the world, it'd be being called cute and being compared to a cat, he hates cats.

"…"

He tried to move his hand that was still somewhere on Hryxy, in an attempt to get the other to relax a bit after sensing some tension from the other from recalling past memories

Hryxy caught Akills hand and kept it there. His body begins to shift and goes into beast mode, his body holding akills like a dragon with its eggs. He grumbled not wanting Akills to leave yet.

It's not like akills can move at the moment anyway.

akills tried to crack his sockets open to let hryxy know he's still damn awake, and he's able to open em a little and and a bit longer.

Hryxy rests his head on Akills lap and sighed and his red eyelight closes. His body warming up more. The hesling magic increases along with pain soothinf magic.

Akills' finger twitched in an attempt to start moving any of his limbs. He was able to sloppily move his hand to be place on top of Hryxy's head but it kinda smacked the other's face on the way, but it made it's way to the place akills want it to be.

Hryxy didnt mind the small hit but he soon leaned into the others touch. His horns and some waht spikey ears bend back a bit. Liking the others touch.

Akills sighed in content, feeling a lot better. He blinks a couple time and looks down at Hryxy on his lap, brushing his thumb on the other's soft furred head. He eventually was able to fully stroke it, his finger softly combs thru the other fur. He wiggled his feet and toes a bit and made a small stretch, glad to finally able to move. He goes back to relaxing and a nap feels like a very good idea right now. He kept stroking Hryxy's head as he slowly closes his sockets.

The End :D

#avj writes #nyx writes #akills #auto_kill #killer!auto #hryxy #horror!nyxy #hryxy halfbreed #lavendar mention

16 notes · View notes

sadieshavingsex · 6 months ago

Text

wow. been a few weeks since I’ve posted here. things have rapidly gotten better for me over the past few weeks to the point where I’m honestly kind of still waiting for the upper shoe to drop. I want to take a sec to tell about the major things that have finally clicked and helped.

i left a cut because it's a handful of paragraphs. lots of stuff about my relationship dynamics and evangelicalism and how they intertwine and what I've been learning, plus a resource I've been using that has really helped me with this

first off, I totally and finally cut off all means of common contact with my ex. he actually was the one to tell me to stop getting in touch, but I also was able to ensure that I blocked him on multiple accounts and (at least for now) will also not receive messages from heavily involved mutual friends/acquaintances/etc (this was a huge issue previously even after both of us had individually tried to stay out of touch with the other. Like people from his life just kept messaging me all the time as though nothing was wrong, which I think was a huge thing holding me back from effectively moving on).

I haven’t heard from the man or his family/friends or had to unwillingly be subjected to his face on socials for 3 ish weeks now and it has already made a world of difference. with actual distance from him I can clearly see why my most popular post is my most popular post. “IM TIRED OF FEELING PATHOLOGIZED IM TIRED OF PATHOLOGIZING MYSELF!” This was probably the most massive issue in the relationship. I had valid wants, needs, and ideas about what a relationship should and could be that he just couldn’t fulfill, and instead of simply leaving it be and letting him go for my own sanity, I gaslit myself (and sometimes let him gaslight me) into thinking that when my VERY VALID and often RELATIVELY BASIC wants and needs weren’t being addressed, I was “too needy” and there was something wrong with ME that could be fixed. And I tried to fix it for two fucking years - often by going to therapy, trying to find a diagnosis, reading a ton of self-help books, etc! Until a few weeks ago, when I suddenly came to this reframe that like, there are plenty of people who can meet me where I am with the kind of care I’m looking for and achieve basic relational goals for things like HONESTY, ENTHUSIASM, EMOTIONAL SAFETY, and beyond. Some of these were already a struggle from the start of the relationship with Sam and most got significantly worse as we stayed together for almost a year and a half. And continued to get worse even afterward as I tried to salvage a friendship or relationship or whatever I could with this person who was treating me generally pretty hurtfully, whether he meant to or not.

I can see how evangelicalism would play a huge role here, because the church very much used the rhetoric of “if you aren’t happy and fulfilled with what you’re being given (often mistreatment lol), YOU are the problem and need to try harder/renew your mind/be more faithful/etc”

what a whirlwind to come out the other side of this and say, SOMETIMES YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM. I was trying so hard to “heal” and “fix myself” so that I could be a better, more accepting girlfriend and the reality is that MANY people would agree that the way Sam treated me was below the bar for what a healthy relationship should look like. I was trying to contort myself to feel happy and healthy within a dynamic that was simply bad for me! And a lot of the time Sam contributed heavily to it! But instead of thinking about what I want, need, and deserve in a relationship, I just thought about why I clearly was in the wrong and needed to “get help” to make it work. Here’s the lesson: I DONT NEED TO SETTLE OR BECOME SMALLER TO MAKE A RELATIONSHIP WORK!

I’m going to take a break from therapy for a little while this coming month and I think it will be good. The truth is that I was in a relationship that was super negative for me in many ways beyond the sex stuff I talked about on this blog, and I just didn’t leave and kept trying to do the majority of the lifting to make it work. I thought something was wrong with ME when the reality is that I am who I am and my needs and wants are valid and the SITUATION was just so wrong for me. The ocd therapist I’d started seeing said she thought the greatest exposure would be being myself and just doing me, and I think I agree.

For so long I was part of a religion where I had to use doublethink and make myself, my thoughts, my needs, my goals, and my wants small to make the situation make sense as a fruitful and fulfilling relationship. And that’s essentially what I just did, again, for a year and a half.

I think it’s time to validate myself big time. The things I want are really not crazy and can often easily be found if I know where to look. Yeah, I have some mental health issues, but many of them have been insanely exacerbated and blown out of regular proportion beyond belief by the relationships and situations I’ve found myself in and decided to remain in even though they were harmful, confusing, unfulfilling, etc. It’s time to take up space. It’s time to get what I want and not settle for less! Not to allow obvious red flags to even enter the picture. Just to enjoy my life for what it is and how happy I can be when I meet my needs and treat myself and invest in situations and relationships that lift me up rather than tearing me down. Thank you all for being with me through the past year and a half. I’m so excited and feel so good these recent days, it’s really almost unbelievable compared to how I felt around Sam, especially after he’d broken up with me but would still come around occasionally. I can post more soon about resources that have helped me during this time, but the biggest one currently is Erica Smith’s Sexual Values Workbook for Purity Culture Dropouts (which is actually on sale right now). It has opened my eyes to what really matters to me surrounding sex and allowed me to think really clearly about some of the dynamics in the relationship that were so off that I just couldn’t see, many of which came out through the distress around sex but were really far beyond it in terms of scope. I’m so happy to be doing this workbook while single and enjoying learning about myself without judgment. Can’t wait to keep you all updated as I go and grow❤️ all my love always

#mine #exvangelical #ex christian #ex fundie #religious trauma #sexually repressed #ocd #emdr #purity culture #christian purity culture #i'm so happy to finally post a happy post lol #seems like it's been forever. like maybe the entirety of this blog hahaha #i was thinking a few weeks ago just about this feeling and aura of DEBASEMENT that follows around exvangelicals #like every new situation is a situation to fall back into this hole where the church put you to make you small #and FUCK THAT! NO MORE!#i should write more about that soon #i'm so happy lately. ilove you all :)

6 notes · View notes

neonsbian · 11 months ago

Note

hi vinnie <3 since you’re like my resident writing oomf i gotta ask: do you have any tips on motivating & inspiring yourself to write and get through a writer’s block? seeing you post about your writing is so inspiring but i’ve been struggling for months now rip </3

hmmm tbh i dont rlly have a good answer for you other than teach yourself self-discipline. ive been writing for almost a decade (crazy to think abt lol) and in that time ive basically had to teach myself to commit to writing.

writing is just like any other artform, it's a skill that you build gradually by practicing consistently. the best way to do this is to come up with a goal in your mind and actually work towards this. i don't mean like, deciding you want to write a novel and just writing right away (though that does work for some people) but building steps to slowly achieve that goal.

let's say you want to write a novel. great! the first thing i would do is find time in my schedule to write. a lot of people assume that means sitting down for hours at a time and just typing away but finding time to do that in todays society isnt easy and personally, it's more effective for me to find gaps and short moments to just write for a bit. for me, the most writing gets done when im constrained for time. and you don't have to do it all at once! you can write a little bit at different points of the day too.

i also plan what im going to write before i write it. this doesn't mean i outline necessarily (i don't do that until the second draft) but before writing a scene, ill have a vague idea of what i want to happen in that scene. sometimes it changes as im writing but i never go into writing without a vague idea of what's going to happen.

i think setting a daily goal for yourself is really important. i know writing everyday seems kinda daunting, especially if you didnt do that before but like i said, writing is a skill you build gradually by practicing consistently and you have to be consistent. your daily goal can be a certain page count, word count, or chapter count. whatever works for you. i personally don't rlly like using quantifiable units as my daily goal bc that makes me like check the word count obsessively and prefer to use story markers as my goal instead. basically, i decide before writing i want to reach a certain point in the story by the end of the day. sometimes im in over my head and have to adjust, but it's more useful to think abt it that way for me.

also, if you're just starting out, i would make my daily goal relatively simple and easy to achieve. if word count is how you're counting it, then i'd set it to like 500 words. you might feel frustrated with how slow your progress is but it's more effective to slowly build a story than to write a huge chunk in a short amount of time and then never touch it again. and even if the progress is slow, at least progress is happening!

i know a lot of people have said this but you're also gonna have to allow yourself to write badly. i feel like this something that's difficult to implement into your mindset but it's essential to teach yourself this or else you'll never get anything done. shitty writing doesn't mean you're a shitty writer, it just means that your writing needs more work and the only way to achieve that is by working on it consistently.

i also personally think it's helpful to read the writing processes of other writers and try doing them yourself. lauren groff, for example, writes her entire second draft from memory which sounded absolutely insane to me but i tried it for one of my short stories. that method didn't really work for me but from her method helped me improve my own system. basically for scenes that were in the first draft but were going to be changed pretty drastically, i don't open my first draft at all and just write the scene. every writer's process is different and what works for one writer isn't always going to work for you, but it's still worth a shot to try it and one way or another, it'll help you understand yourself as a writer better.

to me, writing is self-discipline as much as it's art and building a system that works for you is going to take some time but it's necessary to achieve what you're hoping to achieve.

this ended up being longer than i expected but tldr: set a goal, do it everyday 👍

#and even tho i consider myself a disciplined person i do have my undisciplined moments #so not being able to write one day for whatever reason doesnt mean ur a fail writer #progress isnt linear and achieving it is a long and slow road and sometimes theres gonna be bumps you just have to accept that #i hope this was helpful for you lmao #asks

3 notes · View notes

lawboyao3 · 1 year ago

Note

I’m loving your series “Acne, Death, and Other Teen Calamities” so much so that I came here to tell you how much I’m enjoying it so far. Your writing is so eloquent and descriptive, and I really appreciate how in-depth you go when analyzing and writing about Josuke and Okuyasu’s individual behaviors and struggles. I relate a lot to the way you’ve written them and I think it’s fascinating how accurately you’ve been able to portray aspects of trauma, dissociation, and self-destruction (unfortunately I myself a victim to all of the above, but it’s neither here nor there.) Anyways, you provide fantastic representation to these issues and I’m so happy to finally have a piece of media that I can relate to so well; a piece of media that truly encompasses how complex the process of coming to terms with trauma is. I’ve been where Josuke and Okuyasu have been and all I wanna do is give both of them a big ol�� hug.

Please take your time when writing this story and don’t burn yourself out. You’re doing wonderful, thank you for investing so much of your time into this. I’m excited for the next chapter but again, take as much time as you need.

(Also this might be an issue of my reading comprehension, and not at all an issue with your writing but if it’s not too much to ask I think myself and others would appreciate a chapter summary and a brief description of what happened throughout each chapter just to be sure we’re following this wonderful story accurately :) )

aw thank u so much this is so kind <333333 i’m really glad you’ve been enjoying it so much. i worry abt writing the characters well so im really glad u think theyre good. thank u so much for reading and supporting me, ill do my best with the rest of the story

with the chapter summary, u mean posting one on here right? i can try do that. ill put it below the cut in case it’s long

ch1- okuyasu and josuke are both sent to the counselor. for okuyasu it’s bc he attacked his teacher after she picked on him for doing badly in class. for josuke it’s just some very petty things, seeming like his teacher has a grudge against him. in okuyasu’s meeting, youko thinks he’s just a typical delinquent but then realises she’s misjudging him. in josuke’s meeting, some issues such as his grandpa’s death and his family relations are touched on, but youko ends up thinking he’s totally fine. there’s also a flashback showing that josuke has feelings for okuyasu that he doesn’t want to acknowledge.

ch2- the school is evacuated due to an explosion. okuyasu and josuke are found to be missing. this is the day shigechi is killed. they searched for him and then left the school to report to jotaro. when they return, a teacher accuses them of being behind the explosion. youko steps in and stops the boys from getting in trouble. shigechi is reported missing and the boys are having trouble coping with it. youko has another meeting with okuyasu, where she offers to help him improve his grades. she asks about his home life and becomes worried about what he tells her. okuyasu is given tests to do at home to check his knowledge levels.

ch3- josuke meets with youko. he was reported for not paying attention in class. a flashback shows that he’s struggling due to trauma, and he started dissociating in class. he doesn’t tell youko anything. youko asks a little about his family, and then realises she’s heard of him before in negative gossip that spread about him and his mother. she wonders if she would still think of him the same if she’d recognised him from the start. youko’s questions get under josuke’s skin and his act slips, but she doesnt question him on it bc she doesnt think he’s a liar. in the next scene okuyasu goes home and tries to complete his tests, and becomes very anxious. youko marks his tests the next day, and another teacher discourages her from helping okuyasu because he needs too much support. youko goes over okuyasu’s test results with him, and nearly leaves him to just study on his own, but decides to try and help him even if the other teachers won’t help too.

ch4- starts directly after the end of the sheer heart attack arc. as everyone heads home from aya’s salon, josuke struggles to cope with what he’s just experienced and starts dissociating. when he gets home he has a breakdown, there is some discussion of his guilt and sense of responsibility to protect everyone. okuyasu goes home and is feeling badly too, but pushes it aside to look after his father. even tho he’s kind to his dad, he’s still scared of him. josuke visits okuyasu in the middle of the night, seeking comfort, and they fall asleep together. okuyasu has a nightmare/childhood memory about his dad, and wakes up to josuke comforting him. he misreads the atmosphere and kisses josuke, and josuke panics, says they should forget it ever happened, and leaves. the next morning, tomoko helps josuke do his hair and tries to ask if he’s ok, but he doesn’t confide in her. then him, koichi and okuyasu head to school together, and when they pass aya’s salon, they’re all deeply upset. josuke tries to push down his feelings.

ch5- youko finds okuyasu, who is skipping class and seems upset. she talks with him, and tries to ask him about his family, but okuyasu is worried about her reporting his living situation and refuses to talk to her. youko realises that something must be very wrong, but she can’t help. the next scene is actually set before the first one. another teacher talks to youko, concerned about how much she’s defending josuke. he tells her about how violent josuke was in middle school, and how he avoided getting in trouble by lying. youko gets angry at him and rejects what he’s saying. meanwhile josuke is skipping class due to bad mental health. koichi and okuyasu have been searching for him, worried something bad has happened, and koichi finds him. josuke acts fine as usual. after school, he goes to meet with youko. she feels that he’s acting off and starts to doubt him. when she confronts him, he gets angry but manages to keep it down until he leaves the meeting. he starts losing his shit in front of okuyasu, but okuyasu calms him down. later, youko tries to contact okuyasu’s household to find info about his living situation, but she can’t find anything. as she’s heading home, she worries that she won’t be able to help the boys anymore. then she gets shot with the stand arrow and passes out

#i didn’t really include like all the character info in those summaries bc it would be too long #hopefully its enough of a refresher but if u forget whats happening by the time the next chapters up maybe a quick skimread would help?#there was also stuff where like. i didnt really want to describe why the characters did xyz or ehat they were thinking n feeling etc #bc i like it to be up to the audiences interpretation

3 notes · View notes

sword-brainrot · 2 years ago

Note

soooooo requesting a matchup please! feel free to delete this if you want-

my names lulu and i go by they/she. im just over 5’3”. also wear glasses but theyre not prescription

i like reading, listening to music, playing more relaxed video games and absolutely love writing. been dabbling a little with origami, foreign languages and singing (still no good at those though ^^;)

im really quiet and have a tendency to suppress a lot of my emotions but im working on it. im super shy and anxious around people but to others it sometimes seems like im cold and aloof. when i get scared or intimidated, i usually have to grab onto something or kinda aggressively fidget with my hands

im a lot more casual with people im comfortable with. pretty affectionate and give lots of headpats to basically anyone im friends with if theyre okay with it. but im not a fan of being touched unless i give permission/ask/need comfort. im also the mom friend and very protective of people i care about. but if someone else has to be the responsible one, im giddy and a bit childish. i have a tendency to ramble a lot when im passionate about something. i tend to put others first and try my best to help them and get them to appreciate themselves but feel guilty if i get anything in return

very easily flustered. could get the smallest compliment and i will be blushing, stammering, the whole package. insecure, some self esteem issues, struggle with accepting affection

what id be want in a partner is just someone whod be accepting of me?? it sounds generic, but i just want someone whod be supportive of my gender identity and asexuality and that i can be relaxed around and just generally unashamed to be myself

that was probably too much im sorry- fine with anyone thats not a tantou/child-coded. thank you very much!

I'm terribly sorry that this took so long! Hopefully you like your match. Also it wasn't too much at all! It really helped me get a good idea of who you are and what sword would connect with you!

I Match You With...

🌸 Juzumaru Tsunetsugu 🌸

♡ Juzumaru is a pretty quiet sword but he does talk! Especially when you ask him about what he is passionate about.

♡ Because he is a religious sword, he is someone who listens more than he speaks. He is a very patient person and he will wait for you to get your thoughts together if you ever need to speak about something.

♡ You seem to be a person you likes peace and quiet from what you listed for your hobbies/interests. Juzumaru is also like that. He spends much of his day meditating.

♡ He would be the type of person who loves to spend quiet time with someone they love beside them. Either you both are doing something together or simply being in the same room.

♡ I am unsure if one of the relaxing games you like is Stardew Valley, but I can see Juzumaru falling in love with that game. It would be a cute moment where you teach him how to play and have little date nights where the both of you play together.

♡ Juzumaru also likes origami! He likes to learn making new things with the paper. However, the thing he is best at is making paper cranes. Origami date nights could also be a thing. You teach him new folds to make and he will teach you what he knows.

♡ You and Juzumaru both suppress emotions. If you end up opening up to him and sharing your heart, he will start to feel more comfortable sharing his own thoughts.

♡ Juzumaru struggles with feeling like the weight of the world is on his shoulders most of the time. He is one of the Great Sword Under Heaven. People praise his name.

♡ But... He is also a Buddha sword. He wants people to reach enlightenment and to live happily... Yet he is also a tool to take lives.

♡ He feels like the job of turning people to the right path is ultimately on his shoulders and... he sadly cannot change everyone. He feels like he is a failure many times because of that.

♡ He is used to listening to others worries and concerns that he never considered that it was also okay for him to lean on someone else as well.

♡ You are a very supportive person and caring. Spending enough time with him will help read him better and see on the days he is struggling the most. Even if he doesn't talk to you right away, knowing you are by his side will lift the weight from his shoulders.

♡ Juzumaru wouldn't be the type to touch you without permission. He strongly stands by his beliefs in every form they were written. So if he ever wanted to touch you, even if it's to wipe something off your face, he would ask for verbal consent first.

♡ He would also ask for you to do the same for him.

♡ On the topic of touching - I headcanon Juzumaru to also be asexual. Either way, he would totally be accepting of your sexuality and gender identity. If anything, he would just ask a few questions about parts of it he does not understand so he can support you better!

Top Three Picks: Juzumaru Tsunetsugu, Hizamaru, Hacchou Nenbutsu

#Matchups #Touken Ranbu #Touken Danshi #Tourabu #Touken Ranbu Headcanons #Touken Ranbu Imagines #Touken Ranbu x Reader #TKRB #TKRB Headcanons #TKRB Imagines #TKRB x Reader #Juzumaru Tsunetsugu #Juzumaru Tsunetsugu x Reader

6 notes · View notes

consumeroflemoans · 5 months ago

Note

Even more questions about Freakshow

I keep sending in asks as soon as a question pops into my head and then seconds later I have a new thing to as

So Shadow, I don't quite have anything specific about him, I'm curious what he does within the story

Is he literally a living shadow? Is he corporal in form?

Spider Lady is married to Goblin Guy as stated, how long have they been married? Did they know each other before the show?

I'd have about the same questions about him in relation to Lemonhead as I do for her, if any of them apply, are all three of them close or was there a dynamic between him and one of the two to which the third got introduced through the relationship?

I wanted to ask if Lemonhead is edible, but technically speaking everyone is, so rather is he safe to ingest and does he taste like lemon?

So Shadow was originally a different oc with his own story that I brought into the freakshow. I haven’t entirely worked out his place in the story, but I do have some ideas. He was one of the human victims but was one of the few characters that wasn’t killed by one of the members of the freakshow. He managed to escape the deadly attractions and make his way into the depths of the freakshow along with his little brother unbeknownst to the ringmaster. They discovered the magical core that powers the freakshow, a crystal that hides in a labyrinth underneath everything (This may be changed in the future). Shadow’s little brother was curious and approached the crystal, only for a shockwave to be triggered the moment he touched it. The cavern began collapsing and Shadow went to flee, abandoning his brother.

From there, he became lost in the labyrinth, slowly dying as he struggled to find a way out. He began to hear noises echoing around the tunnels that made it sound like a wild animal was in there with him. He approached the noises, figuring that even if he found a wolf or a bear, at least they would likely know the way out. What he discovered, however, was a hulking creature that didn’t resemble any animal in particular. It was large and hunched on four legs like a bear, but had an amalgamation of fur, scales, and skin patches. Strangest of all, its face, sunken into the rest of its body, was human. When he approached, he realized it was actually the face of his brother. He managed to survive the initial cave collapse, but he was morphed and twisted into a hungry beast by the magic within the crystal.

Shadow fled, now having a renewed desire to escape. It took a long time, but he managed to find the exit. The moment he approached, however, the cave began rumbling again. He raced towards the exit only to have it collapse on top of him and kill him.

He awoke as a literal shadow of himself. He’s not dead, but in a constant state of limbo. He is essentially a ghost with his incorporeal form. He has very few memories of his previous self. All he knows is that he abandoned his brother and needs to save him and that he needs to stop the freakshow from hurting any other humans.

He spends his time sneaking around the freakshow and trying to help any humans to escape. Once one wanders in, they end up becoming a victim to one attraction or another. The ringmaster ensures that. It’s Shadow’s goal to stop the ringmaster, even if he doesn’t understand why exactly he’s doing it.

He’s a protagonist and ally of sorts within the story.

Also his original name is Serif with his brother’s being Roman (:

Also fun fact he has a girlfriend who’s @smolponcho’s oc lol

Im probably going to remove the goblin guy from the story as I feel like he really doesn’t fit anymore. I just created him because I needed more characters. He might still exist, but won’t be a major character.

The lemonhead is edible, but good luck eating him before he eats you. He is essentially a sentient lemon so he is edible and does taste like a lemon.

#lemon’s freakshow #ask lemon #shadow is the oldest character of all of these so I have a ton more info on him

1 note · View note

damnedparker · 3 years ago

Text

ramen

pairing: tasm (andrew garfield) peter parker x reader (afab & non-binary reader; no (y/n))

warnings: coming out! fluff, insecurities discussion but everything is a-ok :) again reader is afab ! im really only comfortable writing w my own experiences right now as writing is kind of. a coping mechanism for me

summary: a little ramen turns into a confession

this is rly just a self indulging fic... there's so little fics about nonbinary readers and stuff out there without it being vague so i just threw this out in my notes app cause i cant sleep. being home has really not been great for me regarding my identity sooo self comfort i guess. idk how to cope but peter parker would support me!

again this is pretty specific to my experiences with my gender and like... an ideal way for a coming out experience for me would be i suppose? so not everyone will relate or may agree w this scenario and thats totally okay! i just wanted to share in case someone else needed it like i did when i wrote it. i hope you all are doing well. take care of yourselves, and if no one else supports you i do, and peter definitely would.

"Peter?"

"Hmmmm...?" He signaled that he was listening, working on patching up a hole some drunk guy had managed to open in his spidey suit with a broken beer bottle.

"You love me, right?" Your question seemingly surprised your boyfriend, as the needle slipped and he poked himself, letting out an ow, shit before setting the project aside and turning his head to where you were standing in the kitchen, watching water boil for your ramen.

"Of course I do," he answered without hesitation, unnecessarily climbing over the back of the sofa to join you. His arms wound around your waist and he craned his neck to press a warm kiss to your cheek. "More than anything. Is something wrong?"

"I mean... no... not really, I--" you sighed, turning around and backing away from his hold slightly to lean against the counter. His eyebrows furrowed, clearly becoming concerned at the sudden space between the two of you. It was abnormal for the two of you not to be glued together. "I've just been... thinking. I've struggled a lot with who I am for... for ever since I can remember and I was talking with some friends recently, and," you felt like throwing up. You couldn't get the words out. "Would you still want to be with me if I... was... wasn't a girl?" It seemed to click in Peter's head as to where you were going, and he nodded, tentatively reaching for your hand to respect your space, but not knowing how else to be reassuring in that moment. If there was one thing you knew for sure about your boyfriend, it's that his love language was physical touch.

"I love you no matter what. It doesn't matter to me what you identify as--" he stopped himself, tilting his head. "Well, it does matter to me, I know it's important to you and especially if you've struggled with it, and I'm--"

"Peter," you stopped him with a squeeze of his hand.

"I'm rambling again aren't I?"

"Uh-huh," you smiled. He never changed. Peter mumbled an apology and nodded at you, encouraging you to continue. "I just-- I don't feel like a girl... I never have, really? I don't know. I know I'm not a boy either... I think I'm just. Somewhere in between, or off the map, something... I don't know..."

"Non-binary?" Peter supplied, tangling his fingers with yours.

"Yeah. Yeah, exactly, actually," you let out a breath you hadn't realized was stuck in your chest. "I'm... sorry if that makes things weird."

"You don't need to apologize for being who you are," Peter shook his head, bringing his arms around you again. "You're still you, no matter what. The love of my life."

"Are you sure...? It doesn't make you... less attracted to me or anything?"

"Are you kidding?" He tilted his head again, in that Peter way, almost like a puppy. "You? The hottest piece of ass in New York?"

"Don't objectify me when I'm coming out to you!" You jokingly scoffed and shoved his shoulder, then followed his movements by burying your reddened face in his chest. "Seriously, though? Do you mean it?"

"One thousand percent, baby," he squeezed you close, swaying you a little affectionately. "You're the same person you've always been, just with an extra boost of confidence in who you are. And I'm proud of you."

"Really?" You pulled back. He gently knocked his forehead onto yours with a toothy grin.

"Very. You're you, always will be. And I love you."

"I love you so much, Peter." You murmured, unconsciously reaching back towards the stove and bumping your hand into the absolutely burning hot pot still boiling water. You held back a loud swear, a bit of tears forming in your eyes at the pain. Peter reacted with lightning quick reflexes, gently pushing you to the sink to run cold water over the burn.

"See? You're so hot you burned yourself," the shitty joke flew from his mouth like it was second-nature. You were speechless, hitting his shoulder with the hand not under the stream of cold water. Peter was grinning, you laughing, and he sealed the moment with a loving kiss, pressing his body into yours. You were so happy you wanted to cry. Peter pulled away at the smile your lips were forming against his, pressing a few more kisses to the rest of your face before swiftly turning to finish making your soup for you.

The next five minutes or so were filled with conversation so casual you couldn't believe it was regarding you just coming out to your boyfriend of a few years. This was something you'd been contemplating since you were young enough to comprehend the idea, and something that had bothered you more and more recently. Once you had set your mind on talking to Peter about it, you had built it up so anxiously in your mind you imagined it being a serious sit-down conversation filled with frowns and tears. Instead, Peter was contentedly making your soup for you and asking you about names and pronouns like it was any other night in together. It made you wonder what you did to be so lucky to have someone so supportive in your life.

"Ramen's all done, let's see your hand," he made sure to turn off the stove before gently taking your hand from under the water. The skin on the back of your hand was pretty red and angry looking, but nothing too bad. Peter examined it like it was a bullet wound. "Does it still hurt?"

"Yeah, but I can deal," you winced when he prodded gently at it. He gave you an apologetic look, digging in a nearby drawer before tearing open a Band-Aid with his teeth. At this point, there were first-aid supplies stashed all over the house in case Spider-Man needed fixing up.

Peter gently smoothed the bandage over the main area of the burn, where a blister would probably soon form. He pressed a soft kiss over it for good measure.

"It's not often I get to patch you up instead of the other way around," he murmured. "How are you feeling?"

"It's a burn, P, it's not--"

"I mean, in general, sweetheart, I know that wasn't easy to tell me."

"I... feel good. Feels easier to breathe, I think." A small smile crept across your lips. Peter returned the expression.

"Good." He nodded, giving you a peck on the lips. "Can I have some of your ramen?"

#andrew garfield peter parker x reader #peter parker x reader #tasm peter parker x reader #spiderman x reader #andrew garfield!peter parker x reader #my fics #peter parker fluff

248 notes · View notes

elysianslove · 4 years ago

Text

the little things ; haikyuu boys

synopsis; the little things he does that show just how much he loves you

pairings; karasuno x reader, aoba johsai x reader, fukurodani x reader, nekoma x reader, shiratorizawa x reader

genre; fluff

warnings; will make u hate being single <3

karasuno ━━

sugawara koshi; whenever your hair gets caught in anything, he’s so gentle yet quick at fixing it. if your hair is long, and you pull a bag or a shirt and your hair gets tucked in, he’ll wordlessly pull it out. if your hair is short and a bracelet or zipper gets caught he just continues whatever he was doing (talking to someone else for e.g.) while helping you out. also always makes sure your hair isn’t bothering you; if you’re leaning over writing something, he’ll always tuck it behind your ear so lovingly ahhh

daichi sawamura; massages. he’s descended from heaven for this purpose only. his hands are rough and like hard on your muscles, but it’s so perfect. he’ll approach you when you’re in school sitting anywhere, from behind, and just knead his hands into your muscles for a few seconds. euphoric. or if you live together, he always greets you with back/shoulder/neck massages in the bathtub hvjkwkd.

nishinoya yuu; always makes you try his food. always. whether it’s with a group of people or just you two, he just goes “hey babe open ur mouth” with this face 😏 bc he’s cheeky, and just shoves a mouthful of food. spoiler alert, it’s always way too hot. but it’s just tradition at this point. he takes a bite of his food, decides if it’s worthy enough for your mouth or not, then just. yeah.

kageyama tobio; buys you a snack whenever he gets his milk. if you’re special special, he’ll buy you your own carton of milk. he goes up to the vending machine and automatically thinks of you when he sees your fave snack, and it’s like mindless at this point he just routinely does it. it still surprises you to this day, even when he’s so nonchalant about it.

tsukishima kei; kisses your forehead. tsukki is not too big on pda, and even privately he’s not very touchy feely either tbh. but just a simple peck on your forehead grounds you, and it’s a small reminder of the fact that despite his outward coldness, he really does love you. he rarely does it in front of others, but sometimes, he’ll indulge both you and him, and settle a small kiss on your temple just randomly.

asahi azumane; anime jesus always has a hair tie/clip carried around for you on his wrist/in his pockets. i mean he’s always needing them, he just stocks up when he starts dating you. somehow he’s always there when you’re frustrated with your hair all over the place what a savior. later on it evolves to him carrying around your scrunchie and yes the boys make fun yes he blushes but no he does not take it off.

tanaka ryunosuke; carries you on his back, or your things, when you’re too tired to walk. whether that be if you’re too tired because of your heels or you’re just lazy, he just loves helping you out what a respectful gentleman. honestly it just becomes that every time he sees you he like barricades over to you so quick and flips you onto his shoulder or spins you around. anyways. walking with tanaka means walking empty handed bc he will never let you carry anything. ( shifts pile of bags on one arm just to hold your hand ).

hinata shoyo; learns hairstyles to try on you. whether it be short hair or long hair, expect his youtube search history to look a lot like “how to make a french braid” or “cute hairstyles for short hair for your cute girlfriend”. he’s always so entranced by you and watches so carefully whenever you do anything on your hair, and he gets do excited whenever you let him try and he gets it right. also !!! a lot of the times you’ll sit between his legs and he’ll just softly card his fingers through your hair or lightly braid it.

yamaguchi tadashi; buys you flowers a lot. he doesn’t overdo it, just so it doesn’t lose its value and worth. but for example, mondays suck ass and he knows how much you hate them, so he always makes sure to either leave a single rose on your desk/in your locker or give it to you himself if he can. it’s so endearing and motivating honestly, and the constant reminder every once in a while is so cute. continues to do it even like 3 years in, which is so fkn sweet honestly.

nekoma ━━

kuroo tetsurō; plans the best dates. seriously. like not one moment spent with him is dull. i don’t think being with kuroo entails a high energy relationship, i just mean that even a walk in the park is fun with him. he also always knows when to plan a fancy dinner and when it’s just something casual. like he always puts in so much effort, gives 120%, for every date with you. is your favorite band/singer/artist in town? he’s got tickets. the weather is amazing? you’re going to the beach. you’re sleep deprived? nap dates. 10/10

kozume kenma; he teaches you how to play his games. the fact that he’s letting you touch the console in itself says enough, but whenever he buys a new one, and learns it thoroughly enough, he will always sit by you and teach you its ways. picture you sitting in his lap while he guides your hands <333 if you’re not a gamer, he’s actually v flattered by the fact you’re willing to sit through this w him. but if you are a gamer, expect daily competitions. oh and if you beat him? you’re dead to him :).

haiba lev; instead of reaching for things that you’re too short for to grab it himself, he just lifts you up lmfao. i mean w the way he teases yaku, i can imagine he’d be v teasing with you as well if you’re even an inch shorter than him. but fret not! it’s all in the name of love. he’s very loving though, and if he sees you struggling he’ll just wordlessly hoist you up from your waist or something. at first it’s terrifying, but later on it just makes you giggle cause he’s like so willing to do it and it’s effortless for him hehe.

yaku morisuke; always makes sure you’re taking care of yourself, but kinda aggressively? lmao anyways. like he’s always “babe have u eaten” and if u say no expect him to start yelling like “what do you mean no??? are you insane???” v dramatic but honestly <333 he’s always texting you after parting ways “did you get home safe” or on weekends where he cant meet you, he’s asking how it was, if you indulged yourself a bit, relaxed. it’s very sweet and he makes sure it’s not overbearing. he just wants his baby to be healthy and happy.

yamamoto taketora; walks on the side with the cars. it’s not a very noticeable thing, but you see it, and you recognize it. he makes sure he’s always walking where cars are speeding by, a hand on the small of your back guiding you away and to the other side of him. it’s the little notions of protectiveness like if he’s driving and stops suddenly, he’ll put a hand out to keep you from lurching forward, he pushes you gently out of the way before you bump into someone. things like that.

aoba johsai ━━

oikawa tōru; he doodles in your notebooks, or on your skin. if you have class with him, and sit next to him, he’ll always be doodling on your notebook like little hearts or stupid, cute things like your initials + his in a heart. or if you’re at a study date together, and you’re focused on your laptop screen, he’ll leave little encouraging messages on your notes for you to notice when you’re revising. sometimes you’ll be sitting with him at lunch or even if you’re out w him and a bunch of other people, and he happens to have a pen. expect a little smiley face on your inner wrist, or a heart plus his initials ( o.t. )

iwaizumi hajime; he helps you take off your make up/takes it off for you. if you’re too sleepy, he’ll just take the products he’s used to seeing you use and start following it step by step after he props you up next to the sink. while he stands between your thighs he just so gently starts rubbing at your skin and washing away the make up. if you’re already asleep, he’ll have to like google the steps oh my god im gonna cry hes so cute. if you don’t necessarily wear make up, then he’ll just help you do your nightly routine, or even your shower routine, like using a body scrub or a face mask or, bruh, even shaving lmfao.

hanamaki takahiro; saves everything you buy/send/make him. i mean everything. has literally over two thousand photos of you, all the polaroids or postcards are saved in a little box he has under his bed. anything you make him (unless it’s edible) he has. if you make him a small embroidery thing he will literally attach it to his sports bag or something. any chain you make him is automatically added to his keychain. that flower crown you made with him on one of your first dates? he still has it. the flowers are dead but the memory loves babyyyy

matsukawa issei; carries extra clothes of his for you to borrow. hey have i mentioned that mattsun is big? 😃 because he is 😃. meaning regardless of your size or height or whatever, his clothes will drown you <3 i see him as preferring more oversized or just loose shirts rather than tight ones, so yk. on you???? if y’all are just hanging out and you even think about being slightly cold — here have five options of mattsun’s clothes to choose from. he always makes sure they smell like him too. it’s self indulgent really, because he loves the way they look on you, and he loves that it leaves a trace of his scent on you. territorial? i think yes.

fukurodani ━━

bokuto kōtarō; always hugs you like it’s the last time he’ll see you. sometimes, even if he doesn’t know it, you need his hugs badly. y’all are gonna try and tell me bokuto doesn’t give the best fkn hugs??? yeah get outta here with that bs. he SO does. he either kneels down and wraps his arms around your waist, picks you up, and spins you around, like he hasn’t seen you in 3 years, or he’ll just wrap his arms around your neck and pull your head to his chest, cradling it, and just sighing like he won’t see you for the next 3 years. his hugs always make you feel so much better, even if you weren’t feeling down to begin with.

akaashi keiji; plays with your hands and caresses them. it’s the delicate feel and gentleness of it all. akaashi’s generally an anxious person, leaving him very fidgety. but once you two get together, and he starts being comfortable with you, expect to find your hand always between the two of his, just fondling with him. he’ll trace random figurines on the back of your hand, or have his fingers ghost over your wrist and up to your fingertips. if his hands are especially shaky, expect him to just grab one of your yours and hold it tightly between the grasp of two of his. it conveys trust, and all you have to do is kiss his knuckles gently and he’s melting.

konoha akinori; he has your reminders app linked with his, and sneaks in small, motivating messages. every once in a while you’ll get a notification from the app that tells you to drink water or have a snack (or text konoha he’s bored and he misses you). also always sends you pictures to distract you from stress. like it could literally just be a picture of him smiling with a thumbs up and you’d just ,,, melt bc you love him so much.

shiratorizawa ━━

ushijima wakatoshi; he has so many plants that are named after you, or your nicknames, and he’s like so gentle with them too. like strokes their petals and speaks to them so softly, the same way he does with you. you’re honestly so curious how he hasn’t run out of names, but he’s just a genius like that. whenever you go over to his place, and he’s bought a new one, he’ll take your hand and guide you to where it’s growing and just be like “look it’s baby y/n” and you just 🥺🥺🥺

semi eita; he has a playlist on his phone, that’s constantly being updated, for you and him to listen to. the first time he showed it to you, you were stargazing and he took out his phone and headphones and was like “i made a playlist for you wanna list” and every part of your body lit up in flames im not joking. now, a lot of the times, you’re coming back home on a train, and your head is on his shoulder and you’re sharing headphones listening to the playlist. when either one of you is driving you’re blasting it (a lot of the playlist is the hsm soundtrack)

satori tendō; tendo reads people so well, and being in a relationship with him means he will read you so well. so a lot of the times, in social situations, he’ll recognize the signs of you wanting to leave, for example, or if someone’s bothering you, he’ll know exactly how to approach it too. this also entails having a lotta inside jokes hehe, and also just like. talking with your eyes. yk that thing. yeah. all you have to do is look at him a certain way, and he just knows exactly what you just said.

goshiki tsutomu; he buys the both of you this small plushie, and whenever you’re missing each other you just. squish it. and he squishes his. he would rather die than let anyone know this, but you’re not too keen on letting anyone know yourself tbh. it’s just this little thing you have, and it means a lot more to you than just this. when he first bought it he was like “look we have matching plushies” and you passed away on the spot ❤️

shirabu kenjirō; loves trying out new recipes with you. he’s not too big on cooking or baking, but there’s just something about doing it with you that really — hits the spot yk. nowadays, whenever he comes across a new recipe on social media that he thinks you’ll like he just automatically sends it to you like with no words no texts just the post and you’re like “OMG CAN WE DO THIS” and he’s like “why else would i send it. yes we can :)” hvskwkeke

end note; thank you sm for the love on my last two posts!! i’m glad you guys enjoyed them sm. if you have any requests, they’re open and i’m happy to deliver, mwah!

5K notes · View notes

shurisneakers · 4 years ago

Note

if you're taking ideas for harmless drabbles, i'd love to see one of bucky on one of those dates he mentioned and reader's shenanigans. if you aren't, feel free to ignore this!

a/n: are we really going to let a word limit define what a drabble is? is the vibe and spirit not enough? i say this bc this is 5.7k words long im so sorry. also hey thank you to everyone who piped in with their knowledge of violent geese and how apartment security works in new york!! also thanks to my bby @spiderrpcrker for reading this and telling me to publish this bc i wasnt going to fkjghfkj

warning: swearing, bad luck, dates, frustrated bucky, anxiety, mentions of gore but like only a sentence

here’s my ko-fi if you’d like to support my writing <333

Catch up with the rest of the series here: Harmless Masterlist

Bucky returns only two weeks later. His mission lasted longer than expected and all he wants is to lie down and sleep for forty eight hours straight.

“FRIDAY?” he mumbles, kicking off his shoes. His jacket had already been discarded by his bedroom door when he walked in.

“Yes, Sergeant Barnes?”

“How are ya?” He doesn’t miss a beat in asking, even though he’s exhausted.

“As good as ever. Did you have a successful mission?”

“If by successful you mean one sprained limb instead of two, then yeah.” He wasn’t really cribbing. His ankle was already starting to heal anyway and it was worth the roundhouse kick to a Nazi's face. “Do I have anything scheduled for this weekend?”

“You have a meeting on your calendar scheduled for this Saturday.”

“Could you send a text to Y/N and ask if we can push it to the next day?” His muscles feel sore and God, he could definitely use a hot shower but all of that becomes secondary the minute he feels the sheets under him.

“Would you like me to reschedule the other one as well?”

“What’s that?” He opens one eye in confusion. “There’s another one?”

“It’s on Sunday. You’ve labelled it ‘date’.”

Ah, fuck.

“Would you like me to change it?” FRIDAY never sounds like she’s judging him, which is nice. It also reminds him about how she, as an AI, can’t judge him, which is a rude wake-up call to how he doesn’t have friends.

“No,” his voice is muffled against the pillow, “no, let it be. Where is it again?”

“You’ve only specified diner, Sergeant Barnes.”

Public space, daytime, plenty of escape routes. Good on his less delirious self for selecting a diner.

“Thanks, FRIDAY.” Now that he’s a little more relaxed, he can feel himself slip in and out of consciousness.

“One last thing," her automated voice commands his attention again. "Y/N replied. She says sure and to take care.”

“Yay.” Not even a second later he’s out like a light.

____

“Did you bring me any souvenirs?” Is the first thing he hears as he marches into your lair.

“What could I possibly get you?”

“A postcard, a t-shirt.” You don’t look up from your tinkering.

“Decapitated finger, used bullets,” he continues, “cement blocks.”

“Ew.” You snap the lid shut on the thing you’re working on, spinning around on your chair. "That's not nearly romantic enough."

“That’s all you’re going to get from a Russian underground bunker.” He does a mini jog up the stairs of the platform to where you are.

“Does the finger have a ring at lea- oh hello?” You raise an eyebrow at the sight of him. “You look different.”

He peers down. The outfit was still all black. As always.

“Not your clothes, dummy,” you interrupt, making him look back at you. “Your face. What’d you do?”

He unconsciously raises a hand to his cheek.

“Did you wash your face? Is that it?” you squint at him. “Has it been a few months since the last time?”

“Wow, you’re so funny,” he drawls sarcastically. “Top tier comedian right there.”

“No wait, it’s the beard.” You snap your fingers in realisation, completely ignoring his comment. “You trimmed it.”

“So what if I did?” He leans on your table.

“You going somewhere?” you ask, elastic snapping against your hands as you remove your gloves.

“It’s none of your busi-”

“Hold on a second.” A sly smile begins to make its way onto your face. “Are you going on a date, Bucky Barnes?”

His comeback dies down in his throat. That didn’t take you very long for you to figure out.

“I’m right, aren’t I?” You look smug, to say the least.

“Shut up.” A ray of light glistening distracts him. He traces it to the thing you were working on earlier.

“Where are you guys going?” You cross your arm across your chest, a small smirk on your face.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” It’s a silver box, engraved intricately with swirls that, when he observes carefully, looks like a skull. Wow, terrifying.

“I’m literally asking you.”

“What are those?” He shifts the conversation towards a more productive angle instead.

“Evil in a box and some other stuff.” You shrug offhandedly. “Is it a lunch date or just coffee?”

“Like Pandora’s Box?”

“A discount version, sure,” you confirmed impatiently. “Stop changing the topic, listen to me.”

He tilts his head, waiting for you to continue.

“Do you need a chaperone?” The sincerity in your voice for such a bullshit question has him scoffing.

“Good God- no, I do not need a chaperone. I’m 106 years old, I can go out unsupervised.” He reaches over and plucks the box off your table.

“Sir, you’re a geriatric."

“What are those?” He points to a few ray odd ray guns.

“Minor stuff you don’t have to worry about right now.”

He shakes the box in his hand. “What’s gonna happen if I open this?”

“Very bad things,” you whispered ominously before your volume returns to normal. “How’d you meet this person? Online?”

“She’s Natasha’s friend.” He turns the box over, seeing a small latch at the side. “What bad things?”

“Bad luck and misery. Don’t play with it, it’s dangerous.” You pull the box away from him. “Aw, is it a blind date?”

“Why do you care so much?” he shoots back, tugging the box back towards him.

“Just lookin’ out for you, Bucko,” you huff, adjusting your grip on your device. “Need to keep my favourite senior citizen safe.”

“I have a vibranium arm.” Whose force he could use to grab the box once and for all, but wasn’t. “I think I’ll be fine.”

“What if she has one too, huh? Then what?”

“She doesn’t.” As far as he knows, he’s the only one alive with a metal appendage made out of the strongest metal in the world. That could very well change by tomorrow but he's keeping the title for now.

“But what if she does? I swear to- stop trying to take the box!” You pull a little more forcefully, but he doesn’t relent.

“I want this to get over before this evening.”

“What time’s your date?”

“Why do you care?” He’s sure anyone who saw the dumb tug-of-war you both were playing would just automatically assume he was an absolute manchild, not an Avenger.

“Because.” You don’t explain further. “Tell me what time your date is, you weirdo.”

“Five o’clock, now let go.”

“Fine,” you say, suddenly loosening your grip. Clearly, it doesn't make much of a difference since he isn't struggling to keep his balance from the sudden loss of force.

“Fine.” He clears his throat, straightening up.

You don’t say anything. He doesn’t either.

A putrid smell creeps into his nose, one all too similar to spoiled milk and decaying seaweed. He has to physically stop himself from gagging.

“Have a good day.” You smile and lean far back. Too far. It looks like you're almost going to fall out of the chair.

Through the tears that are threatening to line his eyelids, he looks down at the box whose latch you somehow managed to lift, leaving the box open.

“What the fuck is this?” He coughs, swatting at the air in front of him to clear it.

“I told you; bad luck in a box.”

“You can’t scientifically create bad luck, that’s bullshit.” He tosses the box back onto your table. You watch it slide past you, not making any effort to stop it. “What is it really?”

“I’m not lying.” You pull open a drawer, brandishing a small table fan that you set down beside you. “If you open it, you’re going to have terrible luck for the day.”

He glowers at you when you turn the fan on, forcing the fumes back towards him.

“Besides, that’s all I was doing today.” You kick your feet up. “So you can leave now.”

He doesn’t care if you’re lying about not having anything else to do today. You could burn down the world if you wanted to but he needs to take a stupid shower. Again.

“You’re the fuckin’ worst.” He tries airing out his shirt, hoping that the smell would dissipate as soon as possible.

“Have fun on your date, sarge!” you encourage him as he stalks out of the lair. “Remember to wrap it befo-”

He turns it into a sprint before you can finish.

____

Six hours later and he’s absolutely convinced he fucked up.

He isn’t used to having his weekends free.

He realises that this is the first time in months that he’s actually stepped out of the Tower for something that wasn’t directly mission-related. He should probably get some air. Touch some grass. See the sun.

His shirt thankfully manages to rid itself of the odour from the dumb box so he didn’t have to go take a shower. With nothing much planned and a few hours to spare, he heads to the coffee shop instead.

It’s a small place, bustling and alive with a crowd of people. They have a little bookshelf that usually is full of books donated by patrons, free for anyone to read.

The barista smiles at him. The coffee costs more than his high school education. He awkwardly smiles back.

He’s not a regular, but they’ve seen him enough times to know that he usually asks for black coffee in a to-go cup, later adding a sugar or two according to his own taste. They're nice to him, occasionally throwing in a cookie or something on the house. He can't tell if it's because of the Avenger status or the sizeable tip he leaves.

He picks up a random book from the shelf, fully intending not to read it but to just sit there and think. The book acted as a shield for his resting bitch face, resting murder face and his resting rage face. More often than not, a good combination of the three.

He sets the coffee down at the corner table he manages to nab in a quick second, along with the two sachets of sugar.

“Is this seat taken?” Someone asks from beside him. He earnestly shakes his head in a ‘no’, gesturing for them to take it.

They give him a quick thanks and drag the chair away from his table.

He does a quick overlook of the book he picked up.

The Princess Diaries by Meg Cabot.

Well, now he’s too anxious to put it back. YA fiction it is.

He reaches for the sugar while glossing over the summary. He reaches a little further when it doesn’t come to his hand immediately, blindly running his fingers across the table.

Bucky peeks over the book, eyebrows knitting together when he notices that they’re missing.

He was sure he picked it up.

He looks underneath the table. It wasn’t there, neither under his seat. Strange, but okay. He picks up the book and the cup, walking back to the station to grab two sugars.

This time he makes sure to tuck it into his pocket, double-checking before going back to his table.

Which was now occupied. He wanted to groan.

His mind automatically reverts back to the box from that morning.

“Come on,” he scoffs quietly to himself. It was a coincidence. “Get yourself together.”

“A seat at the counter just cleared up,” the barista from earlier offers when she sees him standing in the middle of the store.

See? Good luck.

He shoots her a grateful look, venturing over to the barstool to take his place. It’s not the most comfortable, but then again, he wasn’t planning to stay there for very long.

He empties the sugar into the coffee, stirring slowly before opening a random page in the book.

He takes a long sip, ignoring how hot the drink was.

He chokes immediately. Because either he was losing his mind or his order had somehow got switched from ‘no sugar’ to ‘diabetes in a cup’.

He takes another small sip and his face immediately twists in disgust. Definitely too sweet. The sweetener he added only made it worse.

He catches the eye of the barista. She looks on in concern.

“Is everything okay?”

Fuck.

He’s not one to make a scene. He just wants to live as imperceptibly as he could.

“Yep.” The sweetness sticks to the back of his throat. “All good.”

He just closes his eyes and downs the rest of it without thinking twice, trying to hide the grimace in his face. He gives her a weak thumbs up. She doesn't look convinced.

He leaves the shop soon after, hands shoved in his pocket. Maybe he could go sit by the lake at Central Park, watch the clouds. It reminded Bucky of the lake in front of his hut in Wakanda and the hours he'd sit in front of it, feet dipped into the water as his goats fed. He misses it.

He makes a sharp turn at a corner, still thinking about his options when his ankle abruptly twists under him.

He stumbles rather ungracefully, almost hitting the ground, but manages to save himself through the newly built up immunity he has towards falling thanks to all his encounters with you.

His gaze lands on his hardcore combat boots. Their laces had come undone.

Now he just knew that was horseshit. He always double knots them; they had never loosened in the past before.

The box.

He shoves the thought out of his head, crouching down to tie them again. He tugs on them to make sure they’re secure before standing up again.

Central Park is a few blocks away but he’s glad he didn’t bring his bike. The weather was rather nice and the wind in his hair felt good.

He wanders around the park for a while, looking for the lake. He pauses at a board with a map of the park on it, assessing how far it was.

Once he's ascertained which path to go towards, he turns on his heel to go.

He fucking trips again.

“Are you serious?” he says furiously under his breath. “Cut it out.”

He’s half-convinced that he should tie it around his ankle like a sexy lace-up set of heels. He ties a triple knot this time, glares at it until he’s sure it’s fine and checks to see if anyone saw him humiliate himself.

Only a person on a nearby bench who looked like they were passed out drunk, given that their hoodie and sunglasses clad self was slumped over.

No witnesses. No 'You won't BELIEVE what the Winter Soldier did! Critics say it's his biggest blunder yet!' articles the next day on social media.

He manages to make it to the lake in one piece and no more falls, partly because he keeps his eyes fixed on his shoes to ensure no fuckery occurs.

There are a few people rowing and plenty of others lining the bank at scattered locations. There’s a mom and her kid at the place he ends up. She sends him a small smile in greeting and he returns the favour.

There’s a secluded bench that he takes a place on, letting out a small sigh. If he ignores the traffic and the skateboarders and the people in general, it’s actually kind of peaceful.

There are geese and their little goslings swimming around the water close to the shore. Maybe he should have brought some birdseed. Or kale.

The kid beside him is busy fashioning something out of leaves, only occasionally erupting into giggles when it doesn't pan out. His mom watches him fondly, pointing at twigs he could use. Everything seems kind of picture-perfect and his body automatically relaxes, easing further into the seat and closing his eyes for a second.

Until there's a large splash and loud distressed honking. He whips his head around to find the same kid staring straight ahead at the goose with a wide grin. His mother curses quietly, picking herself up off the ground and grabbing his hand, half chastising him for throwing something at an animal and half urging him to walk faster.

The goose turns to Bucky. With no one else to blame for the sudden attack, it logically launches itself at him. His smile drops.

He gets up in a rush. The dumb bird nearly comes for his head, but he deflects with his metal arm.

“I didn’t even do anything.” He swats at it swiftly, trying not to cause any real damage. The goose, understandably, does not speak English.

He flinches when one of them bites at his knee. He can punt it to the sun but he doesn’t want to.

“Stop that.” He sticks his hand out to shove the stupid thing away, retreating back to the road. “Jesus, why are you so aggressive?”

Among the barrage of feathers showering on him, he prays his damn shoelace doesn’t unravel as he shields his head with one arm, the other fending himself while he moves hurriedly away.

The goose honks angrily at him. He scowls at it, not exactly pleased with the reminder that these fucking overgrown ducks were constantly bloodthirsty.

It doesn’t leave him alone till he’s significantly away from where he was sitting. He wants to call it profanity but that’d probably piss it off more.

The box and its effects were definitely starting to feel real.

Fuck it, no more day out for him. The best plan he can think of is to just go to the diner he’s supposed to meet his date at.

The waiter greets him with a courteous nod, which Bucky can only imagine was the best he could muster when a dishevelled 200-pound man walks in covered in goose feathers and irritation.

He won't admit that he’s too scared to eat lunch at this point because he can’t rule out food poisoning. He spends the next two hours on his phone playing Fruit Ninja and plucking feathers that accented his all-black outfit.

Several glasses of water later and a second before he’s about to beat his high score, someone taps on his shoulder, breaking him out of his concentration.

Motherfu-

He clenches his eye shut, inhaling deeply before turning around.

“James?”

“Hey, yeah, that’s me.” Bucky almost falls over the table with how fast he stands up, clearly underestimating his size. “Leah?”

“Hi.” She smiles and he finds himself smiling nervously along with her.

“Hi.” He steps out to pull out her chair for her and she laughs. "Nice to meet you."

“How long have you been waiting here?” she asks while setting down her bag.

“Around ten minutes.” He clears his throat to hopefully hide the fact that he was lying through his teeth.

“Just give me a second, I need to tell my friend I reached,” Leah pulls out her phone and he nods.

“Another glass of water for you?” The waiter seems less enthusiastic about Bucky’s 8th refill.

“Yes,” he answers, hoping he doesn’t call him out on it, “please.”

“You must be really dehydrated."

Bucky turns to look at him slowly. “I like the taste.”

He can’t really blame the guy. Bucky’s been there for hours without ordering anything solid, just leaching off their free water and complimentary bread basket.

“So, James.” She tosses her phone back into her bag, leaning forward on her palms easily. “Tell me about yourself.”

He had rehearsed this a million times. He could do this.

“I, uh,-”

“Menu?” Okay, so someone clearly had a vendetta against him.

“Thank you.” She takes it with a smile.

His morning debacle with the coffee flashes through his mind. Suddenly the idea of a diner didn’t seem so smart.

However, she’s already placed her order and George is standing beside him expectantly, daring him to ask for another glass of water, so he places his usual order and hopes that your stupid bad luck thing wore off.

He quickly learns that his date is laid back, and it isn’t hard to fall into a rhythm with her even though she’s the one asking most of the questions.

“How’d you meet Nat?” Is his attempt at one.

“She used to come in for lunch every week at the place I work.” Leah leans back in her chair. “She can really handle her alcohol.”

He’d be worried about Nat day drinking if he didn’t know about her complete inability to get drunk. She might as well have been downing glasses of lemonade.

“Yeah, she’s-” Intimidating, scary, cool “-really something.”

“She mentioned that you like movies.” He definitely spends a lot of time watching them. “You got any recommendations?”

It’s easier to figure out how different things are or how much he missed out over the years through them. He’s glad he sat out the early 2000s, judging by their fashion sense and hairstyles.

He's watched several movies over the past few months, a few of them critically acclaimed and others who were just there for the cult following.

But now everything goes blank and the only thing that he can remember are the biopics made about Steve that were somehow hilarious for gifting him the mental image of Freddie Prinze Jr. dressed in the stars and stripes, and highly distressing for the number of historical inaccuracies. Contrary to popular belief, Stevie did not, in fact, consider running for president after he took up the shield, nor did he start his own bar chain.

He can’t name Oh Captain, My Captain starring Channing Tatum as his favourite movie on his first date and hope to make a good first impression.

“Despicable Me was kinda fun.” He wants to kill himself. “I mean, it’s the last one I saw.”

Her face twists in mild disgust, but he can tell it isn't ill-intentioned. “It's a good movie, but God, that just gave me some intense flashbacks to my aunt’s Facebook page. Don’t think I can look at a minion ever again.”

He sniggers with her. He doesn’t know what the context is.

He’s a little awkward, and he can definitely tell he isn’t the most open book but she laughs at some of his attempts at jokes. There’s a distinct discomfort he has lingering at the back of his mind prodding at him, telling him over and over again that he isn’t ready for something like this. A warning bell, asking him to leave as soon as possible because he was in a dangerous situation.

He remembers what his therapist told him about breathing and remembering that the resources he had available were greater than his anxiety and he tries to get out of his head. It takes a few minutes of acting like he's fine but he manages to do it.

Other than the one time he scalds his tongue on the coffee but played it off with a pained smile, shoving down thoughts of your stupid invention, things actually went okay.

It was nice, even though they decided by the end that it was better if they both gelled together better as friends. It lifts the strange fear he feels and he can hear Dr. Mendoza say she's proud of him for taking this step before spending three hours psychoanalysing why they decided to stay platonic.

Bucky promises to visit her sushi shop with Nat soon and she says a bottle of sake awaits him for a drinking game. He doesn’t have the heart to tell her that Nat and he share the same tolerance for alcohol.

He makes sure to leave George a tip. A big one. It’s the first time he sees the guy smile the entire evening.

He’s waving goodbye to Leah outside and he thinks that maybe it was a good end to the day and that things actually turned out fine.

Until he turns around to leave, only to have someone walk straight into him with an iced tea.

The cold comes as a bit of a shock, making him jump slightly. He stares at his shirt, using his fingertips to pull it away from his body.

The person melts into a series of apologies immediately, offering to dry clean his shirt but Bucky just forces a shake of his head and says it’s okay even though he can feel the sugar making the shirt stick to his chest. Goose feathers and iced tea. Was there anything else that would like to attach itself to him?

His fists clench and his teeth grit and he has to physically control himself from sprinting to your lair because God knows what else is in store for him and he didn't want to add in any way.

The door to the lair is locked. Fuckin’ brilliant.

When no one answers after minutes worth of waiting, he fishes for his phone and realises that maybe two hours of Fruit Ninja was not the best idea, especially on a phone known for having shitty battery life.

There’s roughly 2 percent left. By the time he opens his app to give you a call, his phone screen goes black.

He groans. He’s desperate at this point and under any other normal circumstances, he would have never, ever considered doing this.

But ten minutes later he’s outside your apartment building. You’re aware that he has your address; no doubt that it was in the SHIELD file he had gotten, and he knows that you know but it was still weird.

The buzzer has your last name listed next to it. He’s sure that he’ll break it if he keeps pressing it at this rate but he really needs you to let him in.

“Who the fu-” your voice comes through the intercom.

“I’m sorry for showing up like this, my phone died and I couldn’t reach you,” He breathes out as soon as he hears you. “But I need you to fix this.”

When he doesn’t hear a reply, he wonders if the thing actually worked. He’s about to start pressing it again-

“Bucky?” You sound a little surprised to hear him. “You’re at my house. Why are you at my house?”

“I need you to fix whatever this is.”

“What are you- fine, I’m buzzing you in,” your voice, initially confused soon trails off into something more dismissive.

There’s a soft click from the door, allowing him to push it open. The elevator is already on the same floor as him so he just uses that.

The elevator goes up a floor or two. His feet tap restlessly against the carpeted floor.

The lights turn off and everything comes to a standstill. His foot stops tapping.

He should have known. He should have fucking known.

Thirty seconds pass. He’s still in pitch darkness with the elevator showing no signs of moving.

In fact, he’s resigned to his fate. He sits down on the ground, only one step away from completely laying down and hoping someone finds his body here someday.

It’s six minutes of plain silence. He might as well get comfortable if he’s going to get stuck here for the rest of his life. Did he change his will? Does he even have a will?

There’s finally a whir. He thinks that maybe he’s going to plummet to his doom as the perfect end to this day, but then the light switches on and it starts moving upward.

It stops at the floor with a ding. He doesn’t get off the ground, only eyes the door wearily. With his luck, it wouldn’t open.

But it does and within a second he’s on his feet, scrambling to get out before it changes its mind.

He remembers your door number, basically charging down the hall to get to it.

The door is white and the paint is starting to chip off it. The handle itself is dented in a few places and he wonders if it was your fault or someone else's.

His knocks are rapid, agitated even. He doesn’t stop until he hears your loud shouts telling him to cut it out.

“What the hell were you doing, trying to break down my door?” It swings open, revealing you in your pajamas. “Haven’t you done that already? And where were you, I’ve been waiting for like, ten minutes.”

He honestly feels bad for showing up uninvited and highly flustered. He can’t imagine it’s a pretty sight either. "This bad luck shit- fix it. My whole day’s been fucked up.”

“What are you-” Your eyebrows knit together in confusion, taking in his appearance.

It takes you a second to realise what he’s talking about but when you do, your face settles.

“How was your date?” You lean against the door frame, arms crossed over your chest.

“Really,” He glowered at you, “that’s what you care about?”

“Yes.” You nod. “Did you have fun?”

He hesitates. “I guess?”

“Was she nice?”

“Yeah.” Where was this going.

“Good, I’m happy for you.” The smile on your face is genuine. “Look at you go, Casanova.”

“We agreed to be just friends, but that’s not the point here. Y/N,” he whines. “I have a mission next week, I can’t afford to fuck up. My whole day was off and I don’t want it to carry over.”

“Your whole day?” you questioned, standing up instead of leaning against the wall. “Buck-”

“Just fix it.”

“Okay.” You lift your hand up, extending it towards his face.

He waits for you to do something.

You flick him on the forehead.

“There,” you declare, going back to your previous position. “you’re cured.”

What.

He says exactly what he’s thinking.

You laugh. “Dude. I was fucking with you.”

Huh?

“Well, actually maybe just like, three things and then I got bored.”

He’s confused.

“You know,” you begin when he doesn’t reply, “taking the sugar packets, switching your coffee order when you were looking under the table, took your place when you left, the shoelaces.”

“The shoelaces?”

“Yeah.” You nod. “That’s the other ray gun you saw this morning. Unties your shoelaces. I stopped after that because I thought you figured it out.”

His face scrunches in puzzlement.

“I mean, you looked right at me and told me to cut it out.”

He racks his brain about what you could possibly be talking about before it hits him. The hungover person on the goddamn bench in the park.

“You were the one in the hoodie and sunglasses.”

“I just followed the Avengers’ code of disguise.” You shrug. “Turns out it kinda works. Also teleportation. So helpful.”

He forgot about the teleportation. That's why you could do all of it so fast without him noticing you were even there.

“What about the fucking geese?”

You pause for a second. “The geese?”

“And the elevator.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” The confusion on your face is apparent. “What geese and elevator? I have no idea what you’re saying right now.”

“Everything’s been a mess today,” he grumbles. “I don’t know what’s real or not.”

“I swear I had nothing to do with it other than what I mentioned.” There’s indignation on your features that quickly gives way to delight. “Holy shit, did I just accidentally invent portable bad luck?”

“Okay-” his palm finds its way to his forehead in exasperation, “-then what the hell was the smell?”

“What smell- oh, the one from the box?”

He nods briskly.

“Secretions Magnifique.” You snorted. “It’s a perfume. The worst rated one I could find.”

“Perfume?”

“With notes of milk, seaweed and sandalwood.”

“It wasn’t an inator?”

“No, it wasn- did you get vibe checked by a goose at the park?” You stifle a laugh when you notice a stray feather on his thigh.

“What does that even mean?” he asks in despair.

“I can see why it attacked you. You got bad juju.” You raise an eyebrow. “Maybe if you stop staring so much-”

“So I just have shit luck.” Is that a fucking relief or even worse?

“Well,” you begin but decide not to continue.

Even with all the irritability masking it, you could see that he genuinely was just not having a good time.

“Wait here a second.”

You leave him at the door. He shifts his balance and sighs, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. He still had to walk back to the Tower. Maybe he could grab a slice of pizza along the way since he skipped lunch.

“Okay, here.” You return with a large glass of water. He only looks at it. “It’s just water, I promise. You look like you ran a marathon."

He takes it from you sceptically, pushing away the urge to sniff at it. It’s gone within a few gulps.

You wait until he’s finished to point at his arm. He draws his eyebrows together, but you only curl your index finger and beckon for him to give you his hand.

He reluctantly extends it towards you.

“Don’t laugh,” you warn him, taking his metal arm. “This usually helps me.”

You tie a small bracelet around his wrist. It has a few beads, which he realises represent the colours of the solar system.

“Keep that for good luck.” You pat it gently after securing it. “I think you just had a bad day; those don’t last very long. Do you want to charge your phone before you leave?”

“Uh-” The bracelet’s pretty, the colours shine against the dark vibranium. “-no, I’m good. I’ll just leave.”

“Okay. Anything else I can help you with or will you be fine?”

He narrows his eyes. “You’re being suspiciously nice.”

“I’m not evil all the time.” You huff. “My hours are in the morning.”

“Okay.”

“Okay,” he says again. “I’m gonna go then.”

“See you next week.” You give him a little wave. “I’d say break a leg on your mission but knowing your situation...”

He scoffs. “Thanks.”

You make a move to close the door when starts walking down the hallway towards the exit.

He adjusts the beads slightly so he can see them better. The Earth one has glitter in it. He thinks it’s cute.

“Bucky.”

He turns around.

There’s a hint of a smile on your face.

“Take the stairs.”

He doesn’t have to be told twice.

Next part

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #mcu fic #bucky fic #bucky barnes fic #bucky fluff #bucky barnes fluff #bucky angst #bucky barnes angst #harmless fic #winter soldier x reader #Winter Soldier #bucky barnes #bucky

967 notes · View notes