#women who look at you like you're a bug <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[lemongrace]

Eluein Ravencaller

[pricesprincess]

part two here

you tell your new group of friends you made at work about your ex-husband and what to expect when he drops off your daughter.

who is a carbon copy of her dad and a daddy's girl all the way. "he's broody and doesn't say much but does everything for simone."

you were excited to finally see her after a weekend away from her, the two days were silent. "that's him?" one asked with a slack jaw.

she looked at you as did the other women whom you ignored as simone wiggled free from her dad's arms to run over to the front desk thankfully the waiting room was empty for her to do so.

simon stood in the back with a pink, purple, and green bag hanging from his fist as he watched his daughter snuggle up to you so closely. he felt his heart flutter like it does each time this happens.

though you've been pushing for a divorce he refused to sign the papers and you were tired of fighting him. "hi baby girl, did you have a good time with daddy?" you asked tucking a piece of hair behind her ear with a soft smile and kisses that you peppered on her forehead.

"i did! daddy got me a new doll and took me out for ice cream! i also got to hang out with uncle soap!" she giggled and glanced at her dad who came closer giving you the bag with a silent gaze.

the women behind you watched with a curious glaze in their eyes as simon looked at you like there wasn't a separation between you both. "i'm sure soap loved that, you're very much loved honey bug."

simone grinned and greeted your coworkers with a wave before turning to run back to simon letting him scoop her up in a tight hug. he dreaded this with a passion. "i'll see you later princess." he sighed.

you serving him papers still left a hole in his heart and this only widens it each time he had to tell you both goodbye. "okay daddy i'll call you tonight! i love you!" she murmured and hugged his neck.

coming closer you took simone from simon and looked at him. "we can talk tonight." you promised giving him hope that the spark could come back.

comments and relogs with tags are really appreciated <3

[stevie-petey]

blurb idea? stug isn't having sex yet obviously but maybe dustin walks into bug's room while they're lying really close on her bed reading together and he flips his shit like OH MY EYES and they're like ...boy we're literally just sitting here. and steve's over for dinner and dustin refuses to look at him and claudia's like ok what's up and you're like literally nothing he's so dumb

i love dramatic dustin with stug so YES !!

enjoy <3

"so jo just rejects laurie? like, flat out, brutally rejects his marriage proposal after years of being best friends and basically already in love?"

"i mean, there are some nuances youre missing, but yeah. basically."

"what kind of sick book is this?" steve shoves the book away from him in disdain. his nose is scrunched up, offended, and you refrain from kissing it all better.

you fix a piece of hair thats fallen in his face as he lays next to you on your bed. "jo and laurie are tragic, i'll admit." your words are rough from reading for hours. steve always insists that you read the books for him, he claims youre better at it, but you know its because he loves the sound of your voice. "but its what makes the book so wonderful, dont you think?"

steve rolls his eyes at you. "your obsession with tragic romances concerns me. what, are you going to reject my proposal next? make me beg on my hands and knees for you?"

"technically you already did beg on your hands and knees for me-"

"wait, you didnt say youd accept my proposal."

with a sly laugh you clear your throat and bring the book back up to your face, continuing to read. steve stares at you as you read the heartbreaking words aloud, his eyes travel the length of your neck and the slope of your nose. the scene youre reading breaks his heart more than hed care to admit. youve been reading little women to steve for a few weeks now. he really thought itd be jo and laurie in the end.

lost in the way you voice lilts between jos soft rejection and lauries broken pleads, neither you nor steve hear dustin calling for you until its too late.

the boy barges into your room and nearly shrieks his head off when he realizes steve is in bed with you. "my eyes!" he cowers to close the door, covering his face with his grubby little hands.

"dustin!" you shout at him, throwing a pillow at him to shut up him. hes being dramatic, you and steve werent even doing anything. your boyfriend is lying next to you while you read him a long and horrendous breakup scene from a classic book. if anything, the two of you should be doing literally anything else.

steve rolls off your bed and lands on his feet in one fluid motion before running over to your brother. grabbing dustins shoulders, he shakes him to try and stop the screaming. "hey! alright, can you quit it?"

"no! you were-you-my eyes!" dustin scrubs at his face with utter turmoil. he hadnt even known that steve was in his house. normally the asshole makes his presence known, stops by dustins room to say hi. its why he barged in in the first place.

had dustin known hed walk into steve in your bed, he wouldve brought a goddamn flame thrower with him instead.

"we were reading, you moron!" youre next to steve now, desperately trying to quiet your brother before your mom asks whats going on. hes already bad enough, but if your mother finds out steve had been in your bed as well, thered be permanent hearing loss.

"read at your desk! thats what those damn things are built for!"

steve shoves his hand through his hair, agitated. "oh, and who are you? the desk police?"

"'desk police'?" you stare at the teen, disappointed. "thats the best you could come up with?"

"im under a lot of pressure right now. cut me some slack."

"i want you dead."

both you and steve turn to dustin, shocked and disturbed by his words.

"okay, thank you for sharing your feelings, dustin." awkwardly you pat his shoulder. at least hes being honest and open with you. "not necessarily what i wanted to hear, but im proud of you for sharing-"

"he wants me dead and youre commending him?"

"not now," jamming an elbow into steves side, you shut him up and focus on your brother again. "now, is there a reason you barged in or can we go back to reading?"

dustins grimace on his face seems permanent now. his nose is slightly upturned, his eyes distrusting. narrowing them at you, he takes slow, calculated steps back out of your room. "dinner is ready," he says tersely before leaving entirely.

"well, this will be fun." steve sighs, and you nod grimly.

dinner is not fun.

dustin doesnt look steve in the eye the entire time. he sits as far away as possible from the teen. when asked to pass the bread, dustin pointedly ignores steves request and throws a roll to you. the bread nearly knocks your mothers water over and shes finally had enough.

"goodness, dusty! what has gotten into you tonight?" she exclaims, settling the glass that threatens to spill.

mouth full of mashed potatoes, his eyes light up evilly. before he can even think about opening his obnoxious mouth, you kick him underneath the table. your foot connects with his shin and dustin wheezes mashed potatoes all over his meal.

"dusty!" your mother gasps, alarmed. she looks at you in concern while steve snorts into his glass of water. "what is going on with you three?"

"nothing, mom." grabbing the bread that was thrown at you, you pick it apart with your fingers and make a delighted sound. "dinner is lovely tonight, by the way."

"i love what youve done with the mashed potatoes, mrs. henderson." steve is quick to add, jumping in. he makes a whole show of scooping up the mashed food and shoving it into his mouth, moaning in pleasure. "is there garlic in this?"

your mother, always easily distracted, claps her hands with joy. "why, yes! i wanted to try something different. do you really like it?"

"i adore it."

later that night you find yurtle the turtles mealworms underneath your pillow.

[adelliet]

Javier Peña X f!reader

PUSSY PLEASER

Sumarry: You are Peña's assistant who saw his charm from the moment you first saw him. You were also aware of the gossip about his nickname and wanted to find out if it was really true or just made up stories…

Warnings: MDNI 18+, fingering, spanish nicknames, breast playing, unprotected sex (piv), squirming, blood (a little), aftercare

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When you applied for the position of assistant in DEA, you did not expect exactly what it entailed. You already had some experience from former companies that were not exactly focused on murders and investigations, but this is a completely different story.

When Margaret, your colleague, introduced you to everyone, they looked so stern but spoke so innocently. Except for your boss, who not only looked cold, but talked and acted like that too. You admitted that you had a lot of respect for him, but it wasn't just respect that Javi instilled in you.

The first time you shook hands with him, you saw a completely different world. His grip was hard but serious, his hands as smooth as a baby's ass and huge as if they belonged to a grizzly bear. However, it wasn't the hands that caught your attention the most.

His face was still tense and his brow furrowed as if he was still thinking about something. You could see that he took great care to keep his brown charming mustache and silky hair clean. His eyes brought the entire brown combination together perfectly as they gave off the gorgeous glow of the morning coffee. He smelled of alcohol, but not the typical disgusting smell, but a fragrant perfume. This is exactly how you always imagined the right man should smell.

Every time you walk past Peña, your breath will be taken away as soon as you smell his typical aroma. But Javi is not known here for his surprisingly gorgeous look, or for his perfume. He is known here as a pussy pleaser.

It didn't take long before you learned about his reputation as well. More precisely, on the very first day you sat down in your office, almost every colleague told you about Javi, about his rich experience with women.

You were shocked at first, but only for a little while. It's Javi we're talking about, the idea that he wouldn't be a pussy pleaser would probably surprise you more. Even so, the others put a bug in your head, and whenever you looked at Peña, a million wild scenarios formed in your head and you couldn't stop it.

Whenever you came home, laid in bed, and an image of your boss popped into your head, you couldn't help it. Your hands went slowly and automatically between your legs as you imagined Javi's lips rubbing against your wet folds. Every time you cum quick, which always surprises you. You've never had such a quick orgasm with any man before.

You love your job, and one of the main reasons is of course Javier Peña. Whenever he stands behind you while you're sitting at the table, checking your work, you can feel his hot breath against your neck, which is sending shivers down your spine immediately and the flame in your panties starts being unbearable.

You are aware of Javi's charm, how he enchanted you and how you are capable of doing anything for him, but you have to keep this job to even have a chance to see Peña still, so you try to act as formal as your body allows. But you couldn't help yourself and risk one thing, your choice of clothes.

Naturally, no one told you any rules about how to dress up for work, you're expected to know that. Of course you know that, but you also know how to attract men. That's why every day, from the first day of your job, you walk in very short and tight skirts where everyone can see almost everything.

You have your shirt tucked in, a different color every day, but you always have the 3 top buttons unbuttoned precisely so that your colleagues have a good view of the shape of your amazing breasts. You do not show interest in other male colleagues who give you attention and clearly want to fuck you right in the office, you are focused only on your target.

Even if you try to be flirtatious yet dignified at the same time, whenever you talk to Javi, he doesn't give you the attention you want. Surely, you can't miss his quick eye twitch to check you up, but other than that, nothing else happened. On the other hand, what do you expect? He is your boss and if there was anything between you, even just a kiss, it would be a huge misfortune that would take a long time to iron out and you would be on the verge of being fired right away, and Peña would be too.

But even though you know all the risks, you can't get over the idea that there could be something between you, despite his history with cheap girls, which you succesfully ignores. After all, you are too blinded by his dominance, hardness, coldness...

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It was another work day, another day where you were wearing a short skirt that gracefully accentuated the curves of your tender body, a white to see-through shirt on top, with as usual, three unbuttoned buttons that riskily exposed the top of your chest. You really "inconspicuously" wore a black lace bra that pushed up your boobies even more. All of this just for a little attention from your boss, how pathetic.

You were just walking past offices with see-through windows, knowing full well that mostly male colleagues were staring at you, like a wild animal on its prey. You couldn't lie, it gave you a bit of an ego, however, you don't care about other people's attention, you care only one Javi's attention.

You clutched the DEA files that contained Javier's papers tightly in your hands, keeping them close to your body as you tapped your heels to Peña's office door. You knocked softly until you heard permission to enter.

You walked in and as soon as you saw the man comparing the two papers in his hand, his brow furrowed, the image send shivers down your spine immediately. You take a deep breath before you start speaking.

,,Mr. Peña, here are the documents regarding to the latest case" you said, as softly and formally your voice allowed. Javi's eyes switch to you quickly, as you handed the folders to him. He places the papers he was just holding on the desk, before he gently grabbed the folders from your hand.

You straightened up, hands behind your back and chest popping as you observed your boss, more specifically his fingers. They were so long and thick, exactly how you always imagined in your wildest scenarios while touching yourself. You bite your lower lip slightly to calm yourself, and your pussy down a bit. After that you looked at Javi's face again, his eyebrows furrowed and his lips slightly pouted, how focused he was. He is always so hot like that, it drives you crazy.

When Javi started nodding his head, it forced you to return back to reality. "Thank you..." he said as a sign that you could leave. He didn't even look at you which slightly disappointed you but he's still your boss and you have to obey his orders, so you just nodded your head and quickly turned towards the door .,,Oh and uh can you get me some coffee please? I really need some energy" he asked and his voice made you turn on your heel. With a smile on your face you nodded your head again and closed the door behind you as you left the room.

That smile didn't leave your face, even when you came to the kitchen and threw the capsule into the coffee machine. You leaned against the kitchen counter and watched the brown liquid pour into the white mug.

"Hey" you heard a familiar voice. You looked by the sound, only to see your bosses colleague, Murphy. You smiled and just nodded your head softly in greeting. Murphy was pouring tea into the sink, apparently old by the stains on the top. ,, How is Javi doing about the case?" he asked, not looking at you. "I don't know Mr. Murphy" you admitted truthfully and quickly flinched when the coffee machine made a sound to signal that it was ready. You didn't hesitate for a second, grabbing the mug and quickly walking back to Javi's office.

You're a little scared of Murphy. Although he has a wife, you still couldn't help but notice his hints that he would break his loyalty to her for you. But you're not a bitch and you definitely don't want to get involved in relationships or into married men, which luckily Mr. Peña is not.

You busily knocked on your boss's door and as soon as he said permission to enter you were already inside. You were so stressed and nervous about Murphy that you tripped over your heels and spilled the boiling coffee on yourself. If you weren't in Javi's presence, you'd already be yelling curses out loud, but since you're not alone, the curses were just silently in your head.

You gasped, instantly got Javi's attention. He quickly stood up from his seat and walked towards you, asking if you're okay. "It's fuc- really burning" you hissed and looked down at your breast, covered by the hot brown liquid. "Wait here, I'll go grab some ice" he stroked your shoulders and was gone in an instant.

The pain was unreal, it wasn't the first time you spilled coffee on yourself, but never on your chest. You had to quickly get rid of the excess fabric so it wouldn't stick to your burnt skin, so you quickly removed your shirt and dropped it on Javi's desk.

At this moment, Javi arrived back and closed the door behind him. He quickly walked around you to stand face to face with you, but his eyes automatically landed on your bare boobs, covered by only soft bra. If the situation wasn't the way it is, he would have been staring at your breasts for a long time, he couldn't get enough of them. But since you were in pain, he immediately raised his eyes to your worried face.

"Here" he said and hurriedly put the ice cubes on your red chest, holding them still in his hand. You squeak a bit by the sudden arrival of cold, but you were relieved very quickly, when the pain was gone.

You close your eyes and your breath calms, as your body relaxes. "Thank you" you whisper, almost silently but Javi heard you very well. You open your eyes after you didn't hear an answer, now dazed by Peña's face across from you, looking down at you.

You liked this angle a lot more than you should have. You looked at him like an angel, like a treasure you craved more than anything else. His aromatic perfume enveloped all your olfactory cells, and still you couldn't get enough. His brown eyes were so innocent yet so full of desire and lust. The magic in his eyes intoxicated you, as did his scent, or his hands that were still glued to your chest. The ice cubes melted very quickly, now there was almost nothing left, so you could feel his fingers on your sensitive skin.

You took a deep shaky breath, scared Javi by this little movement and brought you both back to Earth. He quickly removed his fingers from your chest and awkwardly cleared his throat while breaking eye contact with you, looking around for your shirt.

Since Mr. Peña is an expert at searching, it wasn't long before he was holding your stained shirt in his massive manly hands. He realized pretty quickly that you can't wear this until the end of your working hours. When he finally worked up the courage to look up back into your eyes, he was immediately struck by the realization that you were still in his office in just a bra and a ridiculously short skirt. "You probably shouldn't wear this anymore..." you nodded at Javi's words, as you sucked your lips into a thin line.

"Mr. Peña I-" "I have some extra shirts in a cabinet, I can bring you one" he cut you off and offered you, how it seems, only idea to solve this problem. You just smiled softly and nodded in agreement. Javi didn't wait long and placed your shirt on the table before leaving to get another shirt. When he left, you let out a deep breath, as you closed your eyes. This whole scene wasn't on your bingo list.

You're still recovering and still can't figure out how it even happened. All you know is that you're grateful to Murphy. If he hadn't stressed you out, this wouldn't have happened and you'd have missed an excellent opportunity to gain Peña's shirt.

"This was the most suitable I found" you heard and turned to follow the voice. Javi was holding a red shirt in his hand and offered it to you to take. "Thank you so much Mr. Peña" you took the shirt with relief and immediately she dressed herself. Javi watched your every move, how you gracefully tuck your shirt into your skirt, how you fasten your buttons with precision, and how you boldly skip the top 3.

After you were done, you looked at Javi, caught him staring at you. You couldn't help but feel butterflies in your stomach. "Be more careful next time" his husky tone caught your breath a bit. He walked around you and sat back down at his desk, continuing with his work. Again, you were disappointed that something more didn't happen, even though it was a great opportunity to do so, but you're not going to just give up, definitely not after this experience. "I will...sorry and again, thank you" you said submissively and your boss just nodded, too 'busy' to even look at you.

You walked out of his office, slowly closing his door before walking back to your own. You definitely have a big amount of work right now, since you've been really busy lately. Even though it was very hard to force yourself to think about work now, you had no choice but to do so.

But you couldn't shake the image of Javi, the way he was looking at you. Whenever you concentrated for too long, it always blew you away and you couldn't concentrate on anything else. This is going to be a long day.

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You sighed tiredly as you rubbed a hand over your forehead. Your head was pounding, your vision was blurry and you really couldn't concentrate anymore. After a while, you leaned back in your chair and looked at the clock, which you hadn't looked at in a long time, which was a mistake. Your working hours end at 4, but the clock said 8 o'clock. Your eyes widened and your breath was caught in your neck. How is it possible that time went by so fast and you didn't even realize it?

Of course, it was already dark outside, where you could see absolutely nothing except for the lamps. You sighed sadly and already imagined in your head how some creep follows you and rapes you on the street. Because you're not exactly in discreet clothes, it's like an attraction for weirdos.

But there was nothing else to do, if you stayed in the office longer, it would just get worse, so you started packing your things and getting ready to leave. Suddenly, you hear a soft knock on the door. You looked over your shoulder and shouted permission to enter. Your heart started beating much faster, when your boss appeared in your doors.

,,Mr. Peña, what are you doing here this late?” You asked with raised eyebrows, as you pack last thing into your purse. ,,I can ask the same question” Javi crossed his arms on his chest, making his biceps pop out and charmed you immediately. You couldn't ignore them, so you just take a quick peak before looking back into his eyes. ,,I uh had a lot of work” you admit, straightened up and smile. Peña smiled back at you and nodded his head. "Then we're on the same page" you chuckled and nod your head too.

"This work is really um...draining right?" you try to continue the conversation as long as you could. "Yes, but I love it" he breathed in, his shirt tight against his chest, you could even see his hard nipples. "Me too, naturally" you made Javi chuckle a bit. But you didn't admit that you love the job only because of him.

There was an awkward silence for a moment, before you decided it's perhaps the best time to go. ,,I should probably go" you break the silence. ,,Yeah, definitely...but, it's quite dangerous right now" Javi said, because he knows it best. Well, he's a detective, of course he knows about the dangers outside.

"Yeah but I can handle it, don't worry" you calmed Peña down, even though you were worried yourself. He could sense that easily from your boy moves and face expressions. "But you definitely shouldn't be walking alone in this outfit" he stopped you as you walked towards the door, where he was still standing, leaning against the frame. You swallowed an invisible saliva and couldn't help it. Your corners lifted slightly as Javi finally mentioned your revealing clothes.

"What's wrong with my outfit, Mr. Peña?" you asked, blinking innocently, even though you knew very well, what was wrong with your outfit. Your words amused your boss as he shook his head and looked at the ground. "You know very well" he whispered and he looked back into your eyes, or rather straight into your soul. At this moment, as if time stopped, everything around was not important, it was just a blur. All you could focus on was Javi, standing just inches away from you with his arms crossed.

After a while, Javi decided to come closer and reduce the distance between you two. He walked really slowly, but it was so freaking attractive. ,,You think I haven't noticed what you're trying to do?” his deep voice send shivers down your spine, as he walked closer and closer. You stopped breathing, when you were dangerously close, that only 2 inches separated you from each other.

Your words got stuck in your throat, your heartbeat was dangerously fast and you felt a pleasant pulse in your panties. "Hm? Out of words?" he hummed, as he adjusted the collar of your shirt. He didn't look into your eyes, instead watching your chest, which was already fully healed. "You really think I am that stupid, hermossa?" He started drawing light circles on your chest, making you gasped a little.

,,I have no idea what you're talking about” finally came out of you as you mustered up all the courage you had left. Javi just smiled and finally looked you in the eyes. "You're so adorable when you lie, belezza” his hand smoothly traveled from your chest, to your neck, finally reaching your cheek and cupping it softly. You were burning but this time not from the hot coffee.

"Do you think I didn't notice your behavior, your dressing?" he said, rubbing your cheek slightly. You close your eyes, listening to his calming voice while melting into his touch. You both knew it was too late to defend yourself in any way, Javi had caught you. Of course, he's the best detective you know. Sooner or later, the truth would surface.

"And on top of that, today's coffee ‘incident’, you are very refined" you opened your eyes in surprise. "It was really an accident I-" "And do you regret it, amar?" your boss cut you off once again, and you just stared at him breathless. Of course you don't regret it, not even a second of it, so does Javi.

But before you could answer, Javi glued his lips into yours. He tickled you lightly with his soft mustache, but the passionate hungry kiss made you focus on something else entirely. You dropped your purse on the floor, not caring where it is or where it ends up, the only thing you care about right now was your bosses tongue in your mouth.

You felt huge hands on your hips, a gentle grip at first that turned into a firm grip over time. This will definitely leave bruises there, but you don't mind, actually you want it. You want everything Javier Peña offers. You immediately cooperated instinctively and wrapped your arms around Javier's neck. You ran your fingers into his fine curls, messing up his hard work that he had been struggling with all morning.

The hungrier the kissing started being, the more passionate Javi started to be. His hands were no longer just on your hips, they traveled all over your body, back, hair, neck, he wanted you so much, he longed for you so much.

Your whimpers into the kissing started being more and more loud, sending vibration into Peña's dick, that was already twitching in his really tight pants. He started moving forward, making you back up until you hit your desk with your ass. As soon as you stopped in front of the desk, Javi grabbed your thighs and lifted you onto table, after rudely and unpeacefully throwing all the very important papers on the floor.

You squeak a bit by the sudden and little aggressive move by Javi, but you were fully into it. You know Javi is a dominant, self-centered man who knows what he wants and goes for it. That's one of the reasons why you went after him so hungrily and tried to seduce him. After a lot of whimpers and wet kissing sound went by, Peña's hand were on your thighs, squeezing and massaging them. He couldn't get enough of them, he couldn't get enough of you.

His erection began to grow in his pants, and his agony made him growl. His quiet yet deep moaning sends a hot line right into your clit. He didn't wait long before grabbing your skirt by the waist and ripping it off you in one fell swoop. You gasped and stopped kissing, but not for too long. You smiled, as you looked into Javi's eyes, dark and black, full of lust, just for you.

You connected your lips to his again, your wet panties starting to leak, leaving a wet trail on the table. Your core were throbbing so much, you though you will explode in a minute. Javi was no better off than you. His cock was so tight and his balls so full that he couldn't take it anymore and started to quickly remove his pants with boxers. He was done really quick, he has experience after all, but the sound of Javi's jeans landing on the floor make you even more hornier.

Peña's hands surrounded you all over, reaching places where they shouldn't and from time to time squeezing your sensitive boobs. He had to see them in all their glory, that's why without any warning he grabbed your shirt and ripped it off of you. He didn't mind that he destroyed his own shirt, he has planty of them.

His hand quickly found the switch of your bra and with one movement, your breast was now bare. Javi needed to see them, his saliva accumulated and he had to follow his instincts, that's why your right nipple was surrounded by Javi's sore lips, while the other one was between his index and middle finger, playing with it like a toy.

You moaned, loudly so that if there was anybody near, they could easily heard you. You hoped that you two are here alone, so you can scream his name as loud as you could.

Your fingers got lost in his curls as he sucked on one of your breasts and gently squished the other. He didn't take his eyes off you, he watched your face, as it frowned and your lips formed a beautiful shape of O. He admires this view, he could watch this every day and it would still get him as excited as he is now. Talking about excitement, his cock was already leaking his precum, and your beautiful moans and groans were helping him to get closer to his orgasm, but he didn't want to climax that way. He is a gentleman, and as a right gentleman, he needs to please both of you, but definitely not in this way.

He removed his lips from your already sore nipple, adding a little pop in the end, making goosebombs appear all over your body. He leaned his forehead closer to yours, breathing heavily. You close your eyes, as you felt Javi's hard dick against your inner thigh, really close to where you need him the most.

"Do you want to know, why they called me pussy pleaser?" he whispered, his voice grainy. You breath out, quickly nodding your head. You could feel Javi's smile forming on his face.

Your breath stuck in your throat, as you felt Javi's fingers, touching you through your panties. He groans. ,,You're so wet cariño” he mutter under his breath as he examined your wet panties. You threw your head back and bite your lips, otherwise the whole street would hear your gripe. You've never in your entire life have been ever that desperate for man's touch, like now.

Javi was looking between your legs, how you eagerly wanted more pressure, by moving your hips into his touch. Javi snigger a bit at your pathetic behavior, but he was obsessed with it.

He decided not to tease you anymore, just for now, and gently moved your panties to the side so that they revealed your wet folds, which were dropping your juices already. He huffed at that look and look into your face.

Your lower lip was bleeding by how hard you bite it, just to stay quiet. You eyes were watery and your cheeks were red, all this combination give Javi clear signal, that you just desire to be already fucked.

He slowly touches your bloody lip with his thumb, gently wipes it. You look at him with anticipation, desire, lust. He took a deep breath, before inserting not one, but two of his fingers right into your wet throbbing core.

You close your eyes tightly and open your mouth wide, perfectly suitable for Javi's fingers. You wanted to throw your head back again, but you couldn't, because your mouth was now full of Javi's fingers.

He watched you, as he curls his ring and middle fingers, rubbing your walls slightly, while his other two fingers on the other hand were teasing your tongue. You understood this quickly, and started sucking his fingers, with your eyes closed. Your moans were suppressed by his fingers, and you felt so full. All excited, you couldn't help but start moving your hips to give yourself the pleasure you've been craving for so long.

"Oh bombón, no te han tocado en mucho tiempo, ¿verdad?" his Spanish accent just sent you to your edge much faster. The fact that he asked you, that you haven't been touched in a long time, is so fucking attractive, that you got even wetter down there.

You wanted to curse, but Javi's fingers were blocking you from all words, the only thing you could do was groan and moan, which you did with ease. His fingers inside you began to quicken their pace and adding intensity. You felt that you would cum soon, if Javi won't slow down, which he didn't.

Peña noticed your face, he observed your body language and he felt your hole tightening around his fingers, he knew you are coming, and he makes sure you remember it.

When you finally felt the weird feeling of peeing, you bit Javi's fingers and moaned as loud as you could. Your legs started shaking and your hole clench around his fingers so tightly, as you finally cum. Javi removed his fingers from you quickly to make you squirm, which you did. The juice flew out of you, spilling all over Javi's dick and legs.

It was an indescribable feeling of relaxation and emptying, your brows still furrowed and teeth bit deep into Javi's fingers, so deep they were sure to bleed.

Trying to catch your breath, you stare at Javi, eagerly. He couldn't stand the way you look at him without doing anything. He hurriedly cupped your face and kissed you, his tongue fighting with yours while both of your salivas mixed into each other. His member was twitching so hard, it was torture for him, but not anymore. He stopped the kiss and looked down, between both of your legs. He quickly adjusted him to enter without any problem, and as soon as you felt his pink tip touching your folds, he broke in, making you groan his name loudly.

,,~Javi~”

You screamed in pleasure, as you tugged his hair firmly, definitely ripping some of it off. Peña's groans against your neck make you feel butterflies in your stomach. His big thick dick expand your hole, finding that spongy place and touching it immediately, making you moan even more.

You ignored everything around you, your vision was so blurry that you had to close your eyes and focus only on the feeling of pleasure that Javi was giving you again. His precum and your juices started mixing together, making tasty liquid inside you. The wet sounds surrounded your entire office and the atmosphere in it started to smell like sex. Javi starts hissing, biting your neck desperately to prevent whining, which only weak boys do.

,,Mi cielo”

He groaned and place his forehead against yours, making you open your eyes and look on Javi's pleased face. Your hot breaths started sucking all the oxygen in your small space, your mind started going dizzy.

His balls were slapping against your ass, the sound was beautiful for Javi's ears. Javi was hungry, he wanted more, so he firmly grabbed your ass with both or his hands and pulled you closer to him as he plunged his cock much deeper into you. You whined Peña's name again, making your head fall back and bite your sore lips, you couldn't even feel them anymore.

The waves of pleasure were starting to get more intense as Javi hit his fastest pace. He began to sweat, grunting as you tried not to fall off the table that was shaking with you.

Javi felt he wouldn't last long and neither did you. A few more thrusts and he grabs you, holding you into embrace as he emptied his balls into you. He moved his hips after his climax few times, to make you cum too.

,,Javi-“

You groaned and reach your second climax. You ride your hips against Javi's to ride off the after-orgasm feeling, and as soon as Javi let you, you colaps on your desk.

Your chest moving up and down really fast, your eyes tightly closed and your core dripping the combination of your juices and Javi's cum. You both waited a little in this position, Javi's hands leaning against your desk as he tried to catch his breath too.

After few seconds, he finally decree to pull his member out of you. You both whined at the loss, both in different tones. Javi then leaned closer to you, giving a soft kiss on your forehead, before he leaned his face against yours. This was romantic moment, yet ridiculous. If someone caught you in this state in this situation, not only would you be fired, but you would certainly be laughed at. Fortunately, you were alone and no one could interrupt you from this moment, except time.

Your head was still spinning and your legs were shaking from the orgasm, so Javi took good care of you. He carefully sat you down and straightened you up, as he put your skirt back on carefully.

You just watched exhaustedly as Javi dressed you, kissing your feet and hands as if you belonged to him. You were still out of it and couldn't fully focus, like you were drunk, drunk by your own boss. When you were only half naked, Peña took his shirt and put it on you. You gave him a little help, ignoring the fact that the shirt was his. You could smell his parfume, that brought you back to reality.

When you were fully dressed, he did not forget to fasten the buttons, but left out the first three. You gave him a sincere smile as he dressed you, while he was completely naked himself. Although he is tough on the outside and in sex, deep down he is as sweet as a chocolate cake.

It didn't take long for Javi to get dressed pretty quickly, after all he was only half dressed, since he gave you another of his shirts. But when he looked down on the floor, he saw your bra. You watched as he took it into his hands and gently rubbed his finger over it, as if he was examining it fabric.

After while, he threw your bra over his shoulder, smilling at you. ,,New souvenir" he said, making both of you laugh. You then tried to stood up, but your legs were so weak, that you lost your balance and fell to the ground. Fortunately, Javi was quick and catch you, before something bad would have happened.

"Easy there hermossa" he lifted you to your feet and looked, if you could even stand. Unfortunately, even that didn't work, that's why Javi took you as a princess. "Well, at least you now know, why they call me the pussy pleaser"

════ ⋆★⋆ ════

[parkerluvsu]

Sorry if i'm asking for too much but girl we desperately need a full fic of cowboy!Art 🛐. Like Art seeing another cowboy approach you and him feeling so jealous and possessive even you're not his yet and him finally finding the courage to confess his love to you but you reject him or something and he starts working harder to get you to accept him 🧎‍♀️🛐

omg not asking for too much at all!!! tried to make this as long as i could but im just so bad at translating my thoughts to words so.. hope u like it <3 (also no i don't know anything about cowboys or rodeos so please forgive me)

PonyBoy (Art Donaldson)

cowboy! art donaldson x fem! reader

late summer nights in july were always your favorite, the captivating sunsets and low-flying june bugs only adding to your enjoyment. usually, people in your small town could be found smoking or knitting on their creaky front porches on a pretty night like this but tonight was a special occasion, with every person who could manage the walk to the outskirts of town or snag a ride in the bed of a truck packed into the rickety seats of the outdoor arena, waiting for the rodeo show to begin. you near the entrance to the venue, tapping your foot anxiously. the most famous rodeo cowboy in your town, art donaldson, is facing another challenger from the next town over. of course you wanted your cowboy to win, there's always been rivalry between your two towns, and now that there was an outlet to outperform each other, both towns showed out for their cowboys.

art donaldson had been the talk of the town since he hit the scene a couple years ago, renowned for his skills and many trophies in rodeos across the state but especially popular among young women and men who found themselves extremely attracted to his strong frame and pretty blond hair. you never caught onto the craze though, thinking he was too good to be true. you'd been scorned a few times in your life by those pretty cowboy types, so you just leaned back in your seat and watched as fans of art crowded around the entrance where he would soon emerge.

as the lights dim over the arena the crowds roars become louder, the claps and woops of fans young and old echoing through the space. you almost have to cover your ears when the announcer yells at the crowd to settle down and welcome the challenger from the neighboring town. boos and yells now fill the stadium, as arts opponent preens at the attention coming from the crowd, tipping his obscenely huge cowboy hat at you, winking smugly. you roll your eyes, turning your head to the spotlight illuminating the entrance where art would soon emerge. the energy in the arena immediately changed when art entered the ring, and even you couldn't resist standing up and clapping and cheering for him like the rest of the fans in the crowd. you swore you felt his eyes on you when he was waving at the crowd, but you were just imagining it.. right?

the rodeo goes by in a flash, you're not surprised that art comes out on top in the end. he rides his horse in a celebratory circle around the ring, when he gets to your section your stomach drops as he tips his hat at you, a small smirk on his face. you look away, reasoning that he probably does this with every girl he sees, a big celebrity like him is sure to be a playboy.

exiting the arena, you looked for your car in the parking lot, lost in the sea of beat up pickups. not looking where you were going, you suddenly hit a wall of muscle, looking up, immediately annoyed before you notice a familiar smirk. "art.. art donaldson?" you step back, looking around for his roadies and drunk friends that always seem to follow him around. "in the flesh darlin'" he flashes that smirk again and you have to fight the urge to roll your eyes. "no offence but shouldnt you be like at an after party or something? you won today, im sure you'd get free drinks at any bar in town" you don't mean to stereotype him but.. he truly seems like the type to have a different girl hanging off his arm every night. he smiles, "parties ain't really my thing, actually i was hoping id find you out here". you look at him with raised eyebrows, wondering if he's got you mixed up with another girl. "see, well i saw you in the crowd, most people at these things just go crazy for me but, honestly you didn't seem too interested at all" he shrugs. you shake your head, hoping he's not out here to lecture you about his sport, "no, no that's not it.. i just don't exactly have interest in watching men preen themselves, i mean your opponent was being a total duche to me". he frowns immediately, "are you serious? jesus.. im sorry darlin' ill keep my eye out for him, wouldn't want you to get scared and never come see me again.." he trails off. you tap your foot on the ground hoping he'll get to the point soon. art catches your drift, "well anyway, i was wondering if you'd let me prove you wrong, im a little more than a famous cowboy yknow". you look around, almost expecting cameras to pop out and announce you were on some sort of prank show. "are you kidding?" he shakes his head. "listen i.. i don't doubt that you're fun or whatever but i don't date celebrities" you say matter-of-factly. he frowns, finally taking off his hat for the first time that night, letting you see his slightly sweaty blond hair, curled in the heat, "you're kidding. i promise, just lemme take you on one date-" you cut him off, pressing a finger to his lips, "i said i don't date celebrities. im flattered really, but i have my morals. goodnight ponyboy" he bristles at the nickname and you giggle, turning quickly and letting out a breath of air you didn't know you were holding. you barely register his call after you, "just gimme a call princess, ill prove you wrong!". you shake your head, finally making it to your car and shutting the door, placing your head on the steering wheel. that couldn't have actually just happened.. the art donaldson hitting on you.. you knew all the girls in your town would kill for a chance to be in your place, and they would never turn him down. driving along the winding roads to your house, you bite your lip, wondering if you made the right choice. shaking your head slightly you push the idea out of your mind, he's probably out finding another girl to flatter and take home. it was settled, you wouldn't think about him anymore. but as your head hit the pillow that night the last thing you thought of was that stupid smirk of his.

the rest of your week goes on like normal, repeating your routine every day, without thought of your weird encounter with art. it's wednesday, meaning the local farmers market is open. you grab your bag and head out into the world, immediately wishing you grabbed a hat to shield you from the sun. making you way down to the center of town, bustling with buyers and sellers of fresh food. you walked around the market, thinking about what you needed, you stopped at a peach stand to look at your list, not noticing who was next to you. "so we meet again sweetheart.." you recognize the drawl of the familiar cowboy next to you, letting out a deep sigh. "are you following me ponyboy?" you question, looking up at his blue eyes, shadowed by his cowboy hat. art shakes his head, chucking at you, and you hate to admit it but it's a very attractive chuckle. "no, 'course not, you turned me down remember? i know when im not wanted.." the way he says that, you almost get offended. "i- you know i didn't mean it like that, i just don't date celebrities, no matter who they are" you say, looking up at the now very confused peach farmer, looking between the both of you. you pay for your peaches and leave, and to your (partial) annoyance you hear arts cowboy boots against the gravel behind you. "can i ask you somethin'?" you nod, and art takes his place at your side. "why don't you date celebrities, just curious of course" you smile, shaking your head, he really won't give up, will he? "well, i guess i just don't think they're real, too good to be true yknow? most of the once ive seen are just total players, i feel like it's in their nature to be greedy and always want more. no offence obviously.." art nods along with what you're saying, truly looking like he's thinking about it. "geez, you're an expert on the topic aren't you? i would hate to find out you think of me that way, cuz i really aint that type of guy" art looks down at you, walking slowly to match your pace. "well.." you look him up and down, "you don't exactly have the presence of someone who likes to keep to themselves" art laughs, now letting silence seep between you as you make your way back to your home. arts quiet presence is surprisingly comforting for a showboat like him, if you closed your eyes you probably wouldn't even notice he was there. reaching the porch of your house you turn to face him, not sure what to say next. art takes off his hat, placing it on his heart, "let me prove you wrong. please, im begging you sweetheart, ill do anything you want me to do to convince you" your eyes widen, shocked at the sudden advance. "you.. aren't gonna let this go are you?" he shakes his head quickly, "not at all, no." you sigh, "you're very sweet art but.. i don't even know you-" he cuts you off. "then get to know me, i won't disappoint you darlin'" you weigh the options in your mind, the cons and the pros of the situation, with art right in front of you, you can't help but take a chance. "alright, alright. one date okay ponyboy? one." his face lights up immediately, placing his hat back on his head. "thank you, thank you seriously, ill prove you wrong about me" you nod at his promise. "i should get inside but.." he nods, looking almost sad at the thought of you leaving. "alright.. ill pick you up tomorrow at seven, does that work for you" he's eager, more eager than you'd expect, and you're flattered. you agree, heading inside and preparing for the next day.

one date turns into two, then three, the next minute you're seeing each other every night. most of the time art comes to your place, he tells you it's because he doesn't really have a permanent residence at the moment, but you know he does it just to get to know you better, peeking through your books and trinkets, looking for something to boost his knowledge about you. he cooks too, something you didn't expect from him at all, to his credit, he's absolutely proving you wrong, but you'd never admit that to him, he's too cocky as it is. he hardly ever talks about rodeo when he's with you, separation of work and pleasure he tells you, but truthfully he just doesn't want you to see him as that celebrity, he just wants to be art with you. and you let him be normal with you, spending lazy days in bed with him, not worrying about anything. you can't imagine your life without him anymore, he's there when you wake up, when you're preparing breakfast and going about your chores for the day, he's there, when you get in bed for the night he's certainly there too. he'd never tell you, but he thanks his lucky stars when you fall asleep in his arms, he shudders thinking about where he'd be if you turned him down. luckily, he'd never have to think about that anymore, now that he was yours, your ponyboy.

[mvrkieboo]

Old Bloodhounds

P37 | this is the push back, not the step back

TWs : mentions of child prostitution, mentions of minor/adult relationship, mentions of coercion and manipulation

At 1:30 a.m. you arrived at the address he gave you.

Yoonsu was definitely playing a sick fucking joke on you, you were sure of it. Crammed in between a tteokbokki restaurant and, sickly enough, a children's daycare centre, was a butcher chop that looked suspiciously clean. A bald headed guy crouched at the front having a smoke took one look at you and said, "You're the bitch Yoonsu's waiting for, huh."

Your blood sizzled, but you nodded nonetheless.

He nodded his head at the butcher shop, cigarette hanging at the corner of his lips.

"Past the counter, take a right. Enter the unlabeled door."

Once you opened the unlabeled door, you felt like some meaty motherfucker punched you in the gut. It was a strip club, women all around were barely clothed and dancing up the pole. You hear a whistle from your right.

"Yoohoo, y/nnie. Come take a seat here." It was dark, you could barely see his face, but the voice was unmistakable.

You sat on the sofa, farthest away from where he was sitting. He chuckled at your stubborn behaviour, while you ignored how the other slimy men in the club were eyeing you up and down. You wore long pajama pants, a tank top fully covered by your zipped up hoodie—how could they still ogle over you that way? It was disgusting—you wanted to get out.

He moved to sit beside you, one of his arms around your shoulder. When you could finally see him clearly, you saw whose face he was wearing and pushed him.

This sick, sick bastard. This sick fucking bastard.

"Oh, come on. Don't like my new face? You know, I only got this one because I'm trying to avoid the cops," He sneered—Junyoung's face sneered—"You always bitched about how much you missed him while you were still my dancer."

You froze at the memory, of you dancing on the pole in front of the wretched men he used to entertain. They used to coo at how young you looked, at the fat still clinging on your cheeks despite the starvation you suffered through.

You were just a kid, and Yoonsu had made you work as a pole dancer to pay your stepfather's debt off.

His free hand that wasn't hanging off your shoulder moved to his pockets, pulling out a white gold locket you haven't seen in years. He opened it to show the bug he implanted within it as he took in your reaction. Your face frozen, as ice cold panic took hold of your body, momentary rigor mortis setting into your muscles.

You remember that locket, the locket Yoonsu himself had given you with the promise once you paid off your dead stepfather's debt, he'd marry you and take care of you.

"Remember this, y/nnie? I couldn't give you a ring because you'd easily lose it, so I gave you this instead to symbolise my promise. Funny it was you who broke it."

You were 16 years old turning 17, he had been 27.

You thought being his lover was a dream come true, but through Detective Do's help, you finally saw it as him preying on a desperate teenage girl isolated from the people she loved and needed.

He wore the necklace around you as he explained what he planned to do to you, "I see that you're living a good life now. Reunited with your beloved brother while still keeping the two older brother figures that came to you 3 ½ years ago—" once he clasped it, he started to pull on the locket, choking you from behind, "—after you let Detective Do destroy my empire, arrest my loyal men. You got to live a good life after you caused my mother and sister to kill themselves because everyone they knew ostracized them for having me as their family."

He released his grip on the locket, only to grip on the collar of your hoodie so you faced him directly, knowing how sick it made you to look at him as he wore Junyoung's face.

"I am going to make sure everyone you have ever loved walks away from you. I'll make you ruin what you have and should be having, because I can't fucking stand it. To see you so happy after you ruined my life. So listen closely—under no circumstances are you to take this locket off. You're not allowed to turn your phone off either—because if you do, I'm sharing those pictures of you pole dancing. You will always have to read and answer my texts in a 3 minute time window, or I'm sharing those pictures. You will do as I say, or I'm sharing those pictures. One step to the police station—I am sharing those pictures. Do you understand?"

Tears were streaming down your face and he gripped on your jaw, fingers pushing into the meat of your cheeks.

"Never let those other fuckers catch on that I'm onto you, y/nnie. Since you did a great job at acting like you actually loved me back then, make sure you act like there's nothing wrong in front of your people. If I see that you receive a text along the lines of—'are you okay? is anything wrong? are you in trouble?'—I will immediately contact the media and blab how beloved national darling Jeong Jaehyun has a sister that used to pole dance in illegal nightclubs and dated a loanshark while she was just a teenager. You know how korean netizens feel about former iljins, right?" He spoke cruelly, pushing your face away right after.

You were practically sobbing on the sofa, and he threw a piece of used tissue at your face, obviously annoyed at your crying. He got close to you again, hands guiding your face gently this time, his disgusting hands on your cheek as he made you look up at him, as he looked down at you with a twisted smile on his face, eyes void of any trace of humanity and soul.

"Wipe those fucking tears off and go back home, y/nnie. The real fun starts tomorrow, so stay alert for my texts, okay? Be careful on your way back home." He spoke in a cooing manner, patting your cheeks before giving one last kiss on the side of your head.

As you walked back to New Axis, your tears drying in the cold September night air, the dread piled over when you realised that he was going to ruin all of this for you.

Just right after you were beginning to open up to your brother and friends, making your Geonwoo and Woojin proud of your progress. Just when you were about to get your life together again.

You opened the door of Yuno's room, eyes wide as you watched him sleep on the bed. You were there just staring at him sleeping for a good 10 minutes.

When you finally got back to your room, you stared at your reflection in the mirror, staring at the locket hanging around your neck.

It looked so much like a noose.

prev | masterlist | next

A/N : if at this point you don't wanna read this story anymore, i wouldn't put it against you. because from this point on, this shit is abt to get rlly sick and twisted

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

• taglist • [CLOSED]

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[velvetvexations]

transemasculation: for when you think freud was right about penis envy but ONLY for dirty little trannies (but seriously what the fuck is with this term? who thought this was a good ide- oh, right, ASSHOLES!)

it's really funny because I would make jokes about how TRFs don't want transmascs to make their own language without sending it in for approval to the Transfem Council and now the famous self-identified transradfem is like "here you stupid little boys I made you a word to use if you want one so bad."

That transemasculation shit is the most obvious set up to just keep making fun tmascs because people generally think emasculation is a funny and harmless nonissue maybe even #feminism. Like whats the bet if we did start using it how they want us to people would just immediately start connecting it to our “toxic transmasculinity” to dismiss it / continue to paint us as whiny MRAs anyway ?

it's so fucking belittling

One of the most frustrating parts of when a trans fem posts transandrophobic stuff openly for the first time is how any disagreement harsher than silence gets taken as "men abusing women" and held up as proof that she was right to be wary of trans mascs all along, because look how quickly we will turn on a trans fem and attack her—any negative feelings she has over the incident are just more evidence that she is a victim under siege and right to feel this way.

the wounded gazelle gambit is very popular

The thing that bugs me about transmasc on this site who called themselves TME is that I never see them doing any actual activism for trans women, they specifically just talk down on other transmasc users. Like it comes off so fake-

that's Feminist in Bio men for you

Kinda crushed to see bee/movie/erotica post that? Like??? Yeah white trans people can hold power over me but what the fuck do you think you're doing calling my maness the same as whiteness. my maness cant be the same as whiteness because I am not fucking white. hellworld.

I'm very sorry they let you down, anon. <3

You can tell TRFs are terfs because they do the same thing that terfs do where they point to people who call them baeddels and say that their critics are calling them slurs, and then a few days later will self-identify as baeddels again

they complained so much that I very generously got people to almost entirely saying TRF instead and immediately they just go "TRF is a slur to silence me :("

"the nefarious genderqueers think they're so much more radical and valid than us while the whole queer community actually caters to them, we need more representation for Real Binary Transsexuals" is a recurring theme in Whipping Girl so no wonder it's a common refrain for the "read a singular book" crowd

they do as they are taught

i really like your sense of humour btw

Thank you!

anyways all this patricia taxxon stuff is kinda just making me more motivated to make autistic transmasc therian video essays.

as you should honestly

because i love answering questions not aimed at me, re: is cheating abuse no, but it's a dick move that can be a part of abuse. abuse in a relationship is, for the most part, long term and actively emotionally/physically harmful to at least one person. cheating can be a part of abuse (for example, the fact the abuser cheated in the past, can be held over the abusees (? idk if that's the right term) head.) but alone it isn't. i hooe this made sense. i woke up two minutes ago and have thoughts! i would love to hear yours, because peoples opinions differ a lot in subjects like this

I think I agree with that.

Tall fat hairy women <3

<3

WOOFWOOF... HELLO BEAUTIFUL

;)

I’ve seen a few of your anons discussing the proposal of ‘transemasculation’ to replace ‘transandrophobia’ but I’m not sure that anyone has shared this info yet: https://www.tumblr.com/weepingfireflies/770239720162738176/im-not-even-transmasc-or-transfem-but-the essentially, ‘transemasculation’ was coined years ago by a transmasc user alongside other terms for related and adjacent discrimination/bigotry/etc.; the user who is trying to speak over transmascs about our our terminology and experiences apparently didn’t even bother to do a cursory check that what she posited was actually a new concept

I think it's been brought up but that is very funny, in a cosmic sort of way.

"trans men are men first!" gender essentialism is going to ruin us all like yes you're quite right if you're born a man no matter what your life experiences are, you are inherently more likely to be self-absorbed assholes who hate women. absolutely. the only thing terfs are wrong about it who counts as a man and who counts as a woman yep 100% i see no issues with this clearly our Man Brains make us evil

it's like yeah people who identify as men clearly have skull shapes that show an inclination towards misogyny

i rly appreciate seeing someone else who uses similar referential terms b/c i'm bigender and i honestly really like calling myself a male manwoman. it just feels right in a way nothing else does

I'm glad!

[grainjew]

On Gallifreyan Vestigial Gender

[this is the revised and expanded version of some rambling i initially did in my cowriter's discord DMs. i tried cite sources where i could, but a lot of this has been marinating in my brain since half-absorbing posts twenty pages deep into peoples' dw tags 3 years ago, and also i spend way too much time on the wiki, so please excuse anything i can't quite source, which is most of it. huge thanks to @oriigami for being my original conversation partner and contributing extremely to the concepts here, and to @bird-of-paradox and @waywren, neither of whom I am being allowed to @, for bothering me into not leaving it as unreadable discord screenshots]

-

There's this tendency among queer Doctor Who fans to look at Time Lord society, with its alienness and regeneration, and ask, frustrated, "Why do they even have gender?"

I sympathize with this extremely. I've been the one asking this question plenty in the past, and I do think it's a bit silly, and even sillier that the genders are "man" and "woman" and there are apparently two of them. But I also think that the section of canon most insistent about the Gallifreyan gender binary, the 7th Doctor novels from the 90s, also has the potential to be the most interesting about it.

Now, this is not to say that the text of those novels isn't weird about gender in a flawed, written by (as far as I know) cis people in the 90s way. But I think that you can extrapolate and queer what's there in very interesting ways, often because it's so flawed in the first place: Gallifrey, too, is an extremely flawed society. Decadent, degenerate, and rotten to the core, as the show put it.

So, VNAs Gallifrey: living Houses and their female Housekeepers, cultural and literal planet-wide sterility, Loom birth, rigid overcomplicated bureaucracy, the enduring legacy of the pre-Rassilon Pythian regime. The gender binary as presented here goes something like

women: chaos/magic/psychic powers/superstition/the house (scary)/biological childbirth/fertility men: cold rationality/order/science/bureaucracy/loom-birth/sterility

The Pythia and the Lord President. Magic and science. The House and the Web of Time.

Obviously a lot of this is classic gender binary stuff. But let's put the exasperated question of "Why must we do the gender binary like this?" aside for a moment and think about Gallifreyan society instead.

Pythia-ruled and Time Lord-ruled Gallifrey have a lot of the same problems in the end, just wearing different faces: they're both very much totalitarian states that believe themselves to be above everyone else. But while the Time Lords observe and micromanage the Web of Time from their Panopticon, maintaining its integrity to their standards, the Pythians didn't have time travel, so this preoccupation with control manifested--as far as I know; this is the bit in the meta where I admit I haven't actually read Time's Crucible yet--as keeping the entirety of society in one psychic hivemind, leaving nobody any privacy, plus a lot of future-reading and prophecy and whatnot.

The main relics of that societal layout into post-Rassilon Gallifreyan society are the Matrix, which has every single dead Time Lord's brain in it and does their prophecies for them, just couched in a little bit more science than Pythian magic, the Houses, which are alive all around you and in which you're constantly being watched by the Housekeeper through her mirrors, and, of course, the gender binary.

The Pythia was always a woman. Women were the ones with vast psychic powers, with magic; women were the ones in charge. Pythian Gallifrey was a heavily gendered society. This is because Gallifreyans are a kind of bug /shot with the "irrelevant to the point at hand" gun.

And so, when Rassilon rebelled, he was very much playing the part of "opposite gender with opposite worldview." The Pythia had female magic and superstition; he had male science and technology. His most trusted Founders were either all or mostly men, depending on the version of events you prefer. (Personally I have my doubts about the Other.) Rassilon built his new society as a man, among men, in opposition to the matriarchs before him.

Gallifrey, despite the invention (or theft, depending on the story) of regeneration allowing people to trans their gender randomly and sometimes unintentionally, never left the gender binary behind.

The whole point of modern Gallifreyan society is that they're still stuck in that exact same moment Rassilon took over (and the Pythia cursed them to sterility, if thats the version you're going with). You could easily make an argument for this being some cycle of abuse type situation; Rassilon and co overthrew the Pythia and immediately did exactly what she was doing to them to the wider universe. I tend to read it as a regeneration: it's the same society, really. It just died and was reborn, and now it looks and sounds different.

-

The downside of trying to translate a discord conversation into a proper meta post is that sometimes making a coherent transition between thoughts is impossible. So to introduce the next bit of this post, I'm going to hand you off for a moment to this post about the 8th Doctor's "I'm not sure I've ever even been a man" quote from Interference. As op of that post says, the Doctor is genderqueer even by Gallifreyan standards- he's being questioned in that scene by another Gallifreyan, who doesn't understand his experience of gender.

The EDAs are full of "Eight is nonbinary" quotes, of course. Every queer fan who's ever engaged with them has a collection (and if anyone knows where that one google doc compilation that was going around awhile back went I'd be in your debt, because I'd love to know if my collection is missing any), but almost all those quotes refer to his genderqueerness in human terms, as observed by human companions, or in response to human assumptions. Except that one. Not only is Gallifrey's gender binary alive and well in a society where people can literally change their gender when they die, but the Doctor doesn't fit inside it.

All this to say that being a renegade Time Lord is a nonbinary thing to do. Especially the Doctor, with all sorts of weird Other Timeless nonsense in their biodata. Women stay on Gallifrey (or Karn!) and do magic and watch you. Men stay on Gallifrey and do science and watch other people. Renegades go out and do whatever they please. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

-

So. Gallifrey has a gender binary. It's vestigial, a remnant of an earlier iteration of society with a much sharper male-female divide, and it doesn't make logical sense for it to exist. So: How does it manifest? And what function does its continued existence serve in the interests of the status quo and ruling class?

Let's take a look at 7th Doctor novel Lungbarrow.

Lungbarrow introduces us to (among many other things) the living Houses of the Time Lord Families, and to the family structures within: the patriarchal figure of the Kithriarch, the always-female Housekeeper, bound in her ritual marriage to the House itself, and hordes of petty squabbling Cousins.

Kithriarch is already an interesting title. It's obviously a gender neutral version of matriarch or patriarch, but the role itself seems to be almost entirely a male sort of thing in opposition to the feminine Housekeeper.

The Housekeeper, meanwhile, seems to be in a direct conceptual and societal line of descent from the Pythian priestesses: she can see anything within her domain, she has a psychic connection to the House, from whom she cannot hide anything, she can command the wooden Drudge servants and other House subsystems, she prioritizes the House above all where the Kithriarch is supposed to prioritize the Family. Women are frightening and powerful psychics. They know everything you want to keep secret, and prioritize the collective.

(There's also something here about how Lungbarrow presents duelling dualities--the Doctor and the Master, the CIA head and the Lord President, the Kithriarch and the Housekeeper, the masculine and the feminine--but I haven't quite tied it into the rest of this yet.) (Although while we're mentioning the Master. He's girlcoded by Gallifreyan standards and the Rani is boycoded by the same. I will not be expanding on this at this time just trust me.)

I think Housekeepers and women who want to be Housekeepers try to keep their self-image as women strong enough that they never regenerate into a male body (whatever a '"male body" means, of course, but I'm not sure Time Lords have gotten that far in their queer theory yet). I also think that there are more female Kithriarchs than male Housekeepers, because Housekeeper is much more heavily ritualized role in keeping with the Pythia's more ritualized general vibe, but I do think female Kithriarchs are still few and far between.

I also think that these are probably the most explicitly gendered occupations on Gallifrey, although of course you'll see some drift. Most women are out there getting the same scientific, military, and bureaucratic positions as men. But there's this lingering specter of gender roles, a Pythia-shaped hole that exists around the concept of womanhood. As my cowriter put it when we were talking about this, an "ideal of womanhood. not ‘ideal’ as in desirable, [but] ‘ideal’ as in the quintessential image of the thing."

This is further amplified by the continued existence of the Pythians in the form of the Sisterhood of Karn, living in their perfectly functional all-women magic society just out of sight. Their presence at the edge of the Gallifreyan consciousness must haunt the Time Lords, as any imperialist power is haunted by its own past and its own ultimate impotence.

Because that's the other thing. Gender roles are, to quote my cowriter again, "stupid and antiquated and historically potent tools of authoritarianism." Of course the Time Lords have them. Have you seen them?

They're tools of control, of conformity, of idealizing the past. Of conservatism. Consider, to once more quote my cowriter, "the weird traditionalist psychosis of having gender roles in a society that can’t bear children."

The ideal woman on Gallifrey is still the Pythia, millenia or even billenia on. And the ideal man is still the Lord President Rassilon.

-

[thank you for your time! if you liked this please consider checking out my fic Something Old, which is about lungbarrow, the adventuress of henrietta street, and the gallifreyan concept of marriage, and in the writing of which i initially articulated most of the thoughts in this post. i've previously characterized it as a fic that's actually a meta post. and please don't be too mean to me for anything i got wrong in here! i'm just a little guy]

[saikoucorps]

JECKOLE <3

☆ pairings : nicole x jecka (emicole mentioned)

☆ category : angst / almost no comfort

ꪆ୧ summary : nicole realizes how jealous jecka gets over emily, and she may or may not have mutual feelings for her. (part two(?) of the previous post, read part one. This is told in Nicole's pov.. so not really a part two.)

:ఌ¨ ♱ warning(s): nicole is oblivious and very gay (may be OOC I'm not used to writing for Nicole ( ´△｀) )

☆ Another lecture. Nicole was stuck listening to Jecka complain about how she has a new friend. She didn't understand why she was so worried about this. It's not like they were dating, or whatever couples argue about.

"God Nicole, you can't be serious right now."

No, she can't be serious. This is all fucking ridiculous.

"Dude why the fuck does it matter? You're not my only friend."

Nicole wanted to leave. She wanted to walk away from this conversation like she does with every other one of her problems. This wasn't worth her time— why the fuck is she so bothered?

"That's not the fucking issue here. She's crazy, Nicole. She's a bad influence."

Literally anyone could be crazy if you looked hard enough, almost all women are. Plus, Nicole was worse. Did she really just say she's a bad influence, has she met Nicole?

"Bad influence— what the fuck are you my mother? I'll hang out with whoever I want. You sound like a insecure boyfriend right now."

Jecka went silent. Maybe she was thinking about how gay she sounds. This shouldn't be a conversation in the first place.

"Whatever Nicole. You're either gonna end up dead or in fucking jail because of her."

"I'm gonna end up dead either way, not my problem."

The rest was a blur, Nicole had walked away. Something she probably should've done earlier. Why did she let that drag for so long?

It didn't matter anyways. She was being a bitch for no reason. Emily wasn't even that bad. She was crazy, yes. But it's what made her cooler. And she was hot as hell, hotter than her! What isn't there to like about Emily? Maybe Jecka is just mad she's better. Well, kind of. She wasn't going to place bets.

"Yo Nicole! Over here!" Emily was across the cafeteria, waiting for her. Due to remedial classes, they have lunch way later than everyone else. That doesn't stop them though, they still skip for regular lunch. It's unfortunately how Nicole ended up in that lame argument.

They continued to hang out over the next few days, getting into all kinds of trouble. It was fun, Emily was fucking awesome to be around. Nicole rarely saw Jecka around. She didn't really care or realize it. But, she did know she had cigarettes on her.

"Hey, so, you got any cigarettes right now?"

"No. But I know someone who does. I'll be right back."

They were at lunch again, Emily needed to smoke apparently. Nicole knew Jecka always had cigarettes on her.

"Yo dude, do you have any cigarettes on you?"

Jecka just stared at Nicole with this look. Nicole couldn't really describe it. She looked mad, shocked, and disappointed all at once. Nicole didn't realize that though.

"Are you fucking serious Nicole."

Nicole didn't have time for this right now, knowing Emily she probably gets inpatient really fast.

"What? Seriously I'm in a hurry—"

"No Nicole, I don't. Maybe you should fucking ask Emily."

"I'm asking for her dipshit."

"Whatever. We're done Nicole, don't fucking talk to me."

"Is this over the cigarette? Dude it was just a question—"

Great. Jecka walked off. Whatever, she'll just have to tell Emily there's no cigarette. Wait, did she seriously just end their friendship? Over what, a cigarette? A question? What the hell?

"Sorry man. No cigarette."

"Great. Just fucking great. I'll have to suck off one of the teachers here for one, or the guys. Shit, Nicole maybe one of them can get me one for free? I'm hot enough, yeah?"

"Yeah dude, totally."

Nicole was pretty quiet the rest of the day. She tried to think of every reason possible, what the hell is she so worried for? And why does Nicole care so much?

This shouldn't bug her. She'll just switch schools anyways so what's the issue? Jecka is just.. another person she meets.

So why did it hurt so much?

There wasn't any communication from them for a while. Neither of them had the guts to say anything. Nicole didn't realize shit until she heard Ari in the bathroom. She was talking about a crush she had on one of the girls here, and how everything she did mattered to Ari. Like she wanted to make her happy, or something. It hit Nicole, is that what Jecka felt like? Did Jecka like her? No, did Nicole like her? Nicole didn't care, yet she realized what was wrong.

Nicole didn't care, yet she was willing to apologize.

Nicole liked Jecka, and Jecka supposedly felt the same. Well, she thinks anyways. She just knows she has to apologize. She didn't care, but for Jecka, she did.

So Nicole opened her phone, just to text her.

"hey"

"sorry"

[morrigan-sims]

women of the fifth crusade

I'm still going strong on my P:WotR obsession, so take some sim-ified versions of my PC Reda, Ember (& Soot!!), Seelah, and Arueshalae.

(Reference art for the 3 NPCs plus my ramblings under the cut.)

Ember's turned out by far the best and is nearly perfect, but I don't think any of them are bad per se. I couldn't find a hair that was perfect for Arueshalae, and something about Seelah's face shape / facial features is bugging me, but I can't figure out exactly what it is. Reda's not perfect either but I don't really have a reference pic for her, so this is the best I can do, seeing as I can't really visualize things in my head at all.

I was gonna make Woljif and Queen Galfrey too, if not also Camellia and Sosiel, but I ran out of steam. I'll probably make them eventually, though. I also want to make full edits of them. (Maybe tarot card edits?!?!) I wish I that I could do Lann justice in the sims, but given his appearance that's more or less impossible. Which is sad, since Reda married him in my gameplay.

For people who aren't familiar with the game, here's a quick rundown with minimal spoilers:

Ember: child/teenage witch who nearly got burned at the stake, but still wholeheartedly believes that anyone and everyone can be good, even demons. Tries to convince a Demon Lord that she can redeem herself. Absolute sweetheart, must be protected at all costs, but also can be slightly terrifying.

Seelah: human paladin who started out as an orphan thief. Saw a paladin die saving people and decided to devote her life to the Crusade. Calls herself dumb and good for nothing, carrying immense amounts of guilt and refuses to acknowledge her successes.

Arueshalae: succubus ranger who turned her back on the Abyss, leaving behind an abusive relationship in the process. (Heavily implied former sex worker, also.) Wants to do good. Gets excited about gaining the ability to dream, seeing it as a sign that she's losing her evil for good.

Oh, and Reda is turning into an angel, hence the wings and halo. (Both of which she actually has in-game at this point.)

I can't express my love for this game. In some ways I like it better than bg3. If you've finished bg3 and you're looking for something else to play, give P:WotR a try, I beg you. It's SO GOOD. The graphics aren't as beautiful as bg3, and there's not nearly as much character customization, but the story is amazing, the NPCs are awesome, and the gameplay is very interesting!! The Mythic Path system blows me away and I wish more games had something like it. Also, if you wish bg3 was longer, you're in luck! P:WotR goes all the way to level 20 (technically level 30 if you count the 10 mythic levels), and a completionist playthrough could take you 200 hours. Also, there's I think 7 or 8 basic difficulty settings, plus the ability to customize literally every setting under the sun. If you're a fan of the real-time combat in something like Dragon Age, that's an option too. I am on my knees begging people to play this game, but I'll shut up for now.

[craziechwiv]

Fly like a Hornet, sting like a Bullet

Continuation of this post, please check it out and give the people this post is based off a follow. Please and thank you <3.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jaune had done it. He has done a bunch of stupid shit over his time at Beacon Academy but boy did this outdo it all....okay maybe not all of it but it was a runner up for first place. As he internally wrote his will and testament in his head whilst being carried by the two bug women, he then suddenly drops onto the ground.

Jaune: Ow, my head.

He hits his head hard, but thanks to his endurance training he recovers from it quickly. He was still however stuck on the ground, since Salem tied him up in webbing before they picked him up, as he surveys his surroundings he sees Emerald, the mantis faunus who was with Salem unconscious on the ground.

Meanwhile, Salem was busy trying to attack someone above her? I mean she was firing her poison at the air so, possibly? However, her poisonous shots just fell back down, nearly hitting her as she hissed in anger. From where he laid, Jaune saw a silhouette of someone hovering in the air. He couldn't get a good look at it, but he definitely sees their huge uhm...'assets'.

As Jaune was taking in the sight of the mysterious person shadow, he saw two things fire onto Salem, then something dropping and rolling over to him. A bullet casing? If he had to guess what it was, for a sniper rifle due to its thinner like top. He had to thank Ruby for giving him gun lessons once he gets out of this situation, he ever does that is.

While Jaune was still hopeless in the fact he might make it out of this predicament, he then sees Salem collapse near him, with a stinger nearly penetrating from in between her chesticles. As Jaune looked in shock at it, the shadow from before began to go lower itself to Jaune's horror. He closed his eyes and tried to play dead. On how he wished to be an opossum faunus right about now...

???: Uhm...h-hey. Jaune?

Jaune recognized that voice. It wasn't Ruby's but it was someone he knew. He opened up his eyes slowly, seeing the legs of said person who had taken down Emerald and Salem. He then looks higher, coming face to face with, the person's big breasts.

Jaune: You're prettier than I imagined...

???: W-WHA?! Eyes...up here...! Please...

Jaune then looked above the magnificent sight and saw the face of May Zedong, a sniper he fought against in the tournament and a hornet faunus. A Bullet hornet faunus.

Jaune: Uhm, how'd you know I was...?

Bullet Hornet!May: O-Oh! Ruby ran up to me when she saw me in the bookstore. I didn't know exactly what to do, but I did know I had to...rescue you. S-Sorry.

Jaune: Oh, well I appreciate you for helping me! I didn't know what they'd do to me.

Bullet Hornet!May: Oh, oh! You're welcome.

May's shyness was overcome from how happy she was by Jaune's compliment, but her shyness then came back as she covered her red face with her beanie.

Jaune: So. Could you like, help me out of these bindings?

Bullet Hornet!May: Oh! Right, sorry!

[selkies-world]

[Image description: Text reads "Trans women, please help a trans guy write an MtF perspective." It is written in a mix of scriptive pink text, and video-game-esque black text. All of the text has a slight tech glitch filter. It is placed on a background featuring the transgender pride flag. End ID.]

I am currently writing the third instalment in my children's books series, 'Essentia Forest'. It is for 3 to 9 year olds, though can be enjoyed by families of all ages. Through a cast of adorable forest animals (& dragons!) this series explores queer experiences in a relatable, empathetic, and fun way for children and parents to connect with. While it's predominantly written for queer families, it can be read & enjoyed by families of all sorts!

Book One introduces us to the little dragon. Unable to find the dragon's parents after he hatches from his egg, the birds, bats, bugs, and all the other animals in the forest decide to work together and raise the little dragon themselves!

But there's just one thing: the little dragon doesn't know his own name.

The other animals try to help, but only a dragon can name another dragon. But with no other dragons in the forest, the little dragon has to choose his own name.

Suddenly, the little dragon has a very big decision to make!

This is a story of self-identity, self-acceptance and finding where you belong... and the importance of making mistakes along the way. Book One, What's your name, little dragon? explores what it means to question your own identity and the struggle of finding a place for yourself when you're the only one of you in the whole world. While it's aimed at queer families, with the all-too-familiar question queers ask ourselves: 'what am I?', families of all sorts can relate to the adjacent question posed in this book: 'who am I?'

Book Two has us meeting Brock, who is a very strange bat. Bats are supposed to sleep during the day, and fly at night. But Brock wants to fly during the day, and sleep at night. None of the other bats understand, and none of them want to join in with him, because it just isn't what bats do. Brock asks his friend the little dragon for help, because the little dragon flies during the day and at night. Together, the two of them explore how the forest changes in the winter days.

But when Brock's family start to notice that there's something different about Brock, the little bat learns a very hard lesson: sometimes even when you get everything you want, it can still make you sad. Especially when it makes you very different from everybody who you used to be the same as.

Book Two, The bat who loves the Sun, explores friendship and non-traditional family dynamics. It follows Brock as he navigates the new world of the daytime with his friend, as they learn what it means to do what feels right for yourself, even when others don't agree or understand. This book examines how much difference a support system and being surrounded by positive friends can make when you're taking a risk. Standing out from the crowd, self-doubt, honesty versus curiosity and kindness, and conformity are all themes that the bats have to confront.

While Book One looked at the importance of self-identity, which can be interpreted as the queer experience of figuring out what / who you are, Book Two deals with struggles more akin to physical transition. Whether this is the transgender ftm experience of cutting your hair, wearing masculine clothes, and not looking "pretty" anymore, or the experience of cis gay people when they change how they dress and present themselves around their hetero family and friends, Book Two explores what it means to know that you're different from everyone else, and to take pride in standing out.

Book Three, 'The Biggest Raccoon' is going to deal with issues closely related to social transition, and I'd like for it to have parts which are from an MtF perspective. The protagonist is introduced to us as a bear, who just doesn't feel she's suited to being one - she identifies much more with the raccoons. The bears mock her, but she decides to take the plunge and 'become' a raccoon. The other raccoons are slightly weirded out by her at first, but they end up getting used to her being there. Even though she's intimidated, she's still excited about getting to be treated like all the other raccoons. But as she tries to fit in with them, she realises that no matter what she does - whether she rolls in dirt and berries to make her fur the same colour as theirs, whether she learns to eat with her paws the same way as they do, whether she learns to walk and climb the way they do, she still isn't the same as them. This makes her feel very self conscious: her paws are too big, she's too hairy, her roar is too loud, her eating is too messy, her teeth are too big, her claws are too sharp, and no matter what she tries, she doesn't feel good enough.

When the other raccoons notice this, some of them mock her for it, but others try their best to reassure her that differences on the outside don't matter: what matters is how much of a raccoon she is on the inside.

I know what this is like from an FtM perspective, but not an MtF one, and I'd like your help with that. All of Book Three is currently a draft, and is open to being altered. Reblog / comment, or DM me with things which are unique to the MtF perspective, how social dysphoria feels to yous, how your body image changes from before you know you're a woman, to pre-transition, to transitioning, and everything in between. Is there a point when you feel 'fully' transitioned, or is that a goal which is always just out of reach, or does it change along with you? What's it like socialising with cis women? - some of whom accept you as one of them, some who don't, and some who mean well but ultimately do more harm than good. What changes about how you interact with cis guys, after you come out or when you transition?

Have I missed any questions here? Let me know those things too!

Book One & Two are (roughly) for a 5 year old learning to read, a 7 year old to read by themselves, and a 9 year old to read to / with a younger sibling. There is also a full-colour illustrated version of Book One available for younger &/or less confident readers.

(All of the books are gonna have an illustrated edition... when I get around to it. The formatting process gave me nightmares.)

[queen-of-writing-bad-things]

Henry Danger Reader Insert | Captain Man x Reader: SEASON 3

Episode 1: A Fiñata Full of Death Bugs

~The Man Cave~

So, the secret was out. Jasper knew about Henry being Kid Danger and reluctantly, Ray had agreed to take the kid under his wing as yet another helper in his store and secret hideout. Honestly, he needed to stop taking children into his employment, the place was starting to be so crowded. 

It also didn't help that Jasper was the latest addition. He was a sweet boy, who'd never hurt a fly, but he was clumsy, a blabbermouth and let's face it, a bit annoying and weird at times. Henry wasn't worried and neither was (y/n), they knew he'd be fine, a little excitable at first, but fine. However, the same couldn't be said for Ray, who was frantically pacing a groove into the Man Cave's floor the next morning.

"I don't know about this, man, I dunno." He panicked, making Henry and (y/n) roll their eyes at him as they watched him from the couch. The young woman was still in her pyjamas, having wanted to stay comfy for the first part of Saturday and was happily munching her cereal as Ray worked himself up over the Jasper predicament.

"Come on, it's gonna be great," Henry told him, not seeing what the big deal was.

"Yeah, everything's gonna be fine." (y/n) shrugged, seeing that Ray was in one of his drama-queen fits again. If he got out of hand, she'd be the one to say some soothing words and cuddle him until he smiled again, but for now, it was best to just ride the wave.

"Oh, that's exactly what you said when you talked me into eating one of those women's energy bars. Then I couldn't stop reading books about princesses!" The large man pouted, not liking how Henry and (y/n) smirked at the memory. It was pretty funny to see such a muscly guy reading about Princess Sugarplum and her rainbow unicorn magic land. 

"Dude, I've known Jasper my whole life." The boy told him, but it didn't calm his boss down.

"That does not mean he's qualified to have a job here!" Ray pointed out, thinking that you needed special skills and references or some shit to work for him. 

"Ray, you hired me when I was twenty. I didn't exactly have qualifications, apart from my degree. Literally, no life experience." (y/n) gave him her annoyed face and he backed off. He hated and loved when she was right.

"Dah!" He groaned, not liking how his morning was going. Maybe Charlotte's enthusiasm could cheer him up. 

"Happy Saturday morning!" She smiled at her friends after coming down the tube with a grin on her face. Well, she was certainly full of beans.

"Yo." Henry returned her smile, glad to see that Ray was the only one freaking out about having Jasper around now. 

"Hey, Char." (y/n) greeted warmly as she scooped the last of her cereal from the milk in her bowl. She'd have to get dressed soon, but she could wait a little longer.

"Maybe you're happy," Ray grumbled, walking past the young girl to lean on the couch with his back turned on his friends. He was such a child sometimes.

"Char, will you tell Ray that Jasper working at Junk-N-Stuff isn't gonna be a problem?" Henry asked his friend, who usually was another voice of reason around the Man. Cave, but it seemed like she was sceptical of Jasper's abilities to stay calm and collected too.

"I can't tell lies before breakfast." She shrugged and sauntered over to the auto-snacker so she could get some food. Ray was glad that someone was seeing sense, but Henry was about to ruin his mood again.

"Here ya go." The boy said and held out a candy bar for Ray to eat.

"What's this?" He asked, reading the scientific nonsense printed on the packaging. Something about protein or micronutrients and he was so busy deciphering the mumbo-jumbo, he didn't see (y/n) snickering as she slurped the honeyed milk left from her breakfast. 

"Lady bar." Henry deadpanned and milk erupted from (y/n)'s mouth as Ray shrieked and threw it away in terror. He looked at her with an expression of playful betrayal as she dabbed the milk away from around her mouth and shared a smirk with Henry. She was so beautiful like this; no makeup, no one to please, just her as natural as she could be, laughing and joking around with his beloved sidekick. It managed to melt some of his apprehension away as he admired the delightfully innocent scene.

"Scrambled eggs," Charlotte instructed the auto-snacker, wanting to get some food into her growling belly.

"Ew, I can't believe you like those." (y/n) grumbled to the girl as she overheard her order. She much preferred her cereal to start her day, probably because it didn't smell gross like scrambled eggs.

"Oh, he's here." Henry's announcement drew everyone's focus away from Charlotte's eggs for a moment and they all looked at the supercomputer. The monitor showed that Jasper was waiting outside Junk-N-Stuff's door and Ray groaned loudly. As (y/n) snuggled into his side last night (insomnia had put her there, would you believe it), he had been praying for Jasper to suddenly change his mind or magically forget about Henry being his sidekick, but his wishes hadn't come true. 

"Hey, what's up?" Henry pressed the button that connected the computer's microphone to the speaker outside the store and Jasper smiled brightly. Ray frowned at the sight of the boy and (y/n) came over from her cosy spot on the couch to see what all the fuss was about. 

"Hey! Jasper Dunlop, here to see Captain Man and Kid Danger!" Jasper saluted his new boss, who blanched at his loud tone and quickly cut the link before the whole neighbourhood heard his yapping.

"Shhhhh!" Henry tried to quieten him down, but it was too late; Ray's feathers were ruffled.

"Did ya hear that? He's gonna blab all our secrets to the whole world!" He squeaked at Henry and (y/n), both of whom had to admit that Jasper had messed up there, but he'd only been at work for three seconds, they had to give him a chance.

"No, not after we show him our video," Henry said calmly, taking (y/n)'s advice that to deal with an overreacting Ray, you had to be the calm one. Henry didn't have her feminine qualities to help him win over Ray, but he could definitely be cool-headed.

"It's probably just first day nerves and excitement coming through. Give him a chance, Raymond." (y/n) stepped forward and loving rubbed her palms against his chest in a soothing manner, which was her special technique to get him to let go of his anger. It had taken a few years to suss out, but it was a good method and one that Ray enjoyed more than he let on.

"Fine. Just get him down here, get him down here." Ray caved and sent Henry off to collect Jasper from the store so he could show him the way into the Man Cave. 

"Hey, I think something's wrong with the auto-snacker," Charlotte commented to the adults as Henry disappeared into the elevator. 

"Oh, god, not again. What's the problem?" (y/n) asked as Ray grumbled. More problems? Typical, like his day could get any worse. 

"I ordered scrambled eggs and I'm still standin' here, eggless," Charlotte told her, but Ray wasn't up for solving anyone else's issues, just his own.

"Well, I'm stressed out! I need my wireless headphones." He replied and turned around to grab them so he could block out the world and all the annoying teenage boys it brought into his home.

"What about the...scrambled eggs! Eggs-o-day scramble-dee-oh-so!" Charlotte gave up trying to get help from Ray and thumped the machine for her food. Geez, she was starving and she just wanted one plate of eggs. Was that too much to ask?

"Mashed potatoes." The automated voice returned, making Charlotte frown.

"What did I say that sounded anything like mashed potatoes? (y/n), help meeee!" She whined and turned to the young woman for assistance. She knew about electronics and circuit board stuff, maybe she could get her some eggs.

"Ray, can you come help---ah!" She was taken by surprise as her best friend grabbed her by the waist and pulled her into a bone-crushing embrace. She fell into his crossed-legged lap and instinctively snuggled against him as he caged her in and refused to let go.

"I'm sorry, I need to listen to my meditation music and hug my best friend and calm down my inner parts." Ray panted in hyperventilation and swiftly shoved his headphones over his ears and held (y/n) to his chest. 

"Aw, poor baby." (y/n)'s bottom lip quivered at how worried he looked and immediately set about doing everything she could to soothe his nerves. She had no idea he was this stressed and she stroked small patterns onto his skin with her pointer finger. He felt his anxiety smooth out as he let the soft music and the sensation of having the essence of his girl carry him off to his happy place.

"Ugh, useless...Ooh, here we go. " Charlotte groaned when she saw them shut out the world just so they could get some cuddle time in. No matter, she could figure this out herself and things were going well as the snack machine's hatch opened.

"Sweet girl, oh my god, I'm freaking out," Ray mumbled in a chanting voice as he pressed his lips to her head, hoping the fruity, familiar scent of her shampoo would ground him.

"Just relax, I'm here." She whispered and brushed her hand over his eyes so they would flutter shut. She just needed him to stay calm, so she ran her fingers through his floppy brown hair in an attempt to do so.

"All right, where are my scrambled eggs?" Charlotte pondered and foolishly stuck her head in the machine to see if she could yank them out. As expected, it didn't go to plan.

"Om--maha is not the capital of Nebraska." Ray carried on chanting, silently loving the way his girl was fawning over him. He always had her to help him through the bad times and now, his spine was tingling from the way fingers ignited his skin and her warm breath tingled against his neck.

"Get me out of here!" Neither of them saw how Charlotte had been sucked into the auto-snacker as her screams for help were drowned out by Ray's music and (y/n) had dozed off when the warmth of Ray's body seeped through her thin pyjamas and lulled her to sleep. 

"Ommm...Masaki is when you let your sushi chef choose your sushi for you." Ray continued to say random facts to himself as he cradled the young woman in his arms and the sound of his voice blocked out Charlotte's shouting. He was more than happy to let her sleep in his arms and to see her peaceful face was the most soothing thing she could've given him.

~Meanwhile, in Junk-N-Stuff~

Henry had welcomed Jasper into the store and the boy was full of enthusiasm for his first day working as Captain Man's secret assistant. This was his dream come true and he was adamant that he was gonna make a good start. 

"Why are you wearing a tie?" Henry asked as he noticed Jasper's unusually formal outfit. All he would be doing was serving customers in a junk store, he didn't need to look so fancy.

"Oh, 'cause it's my first day at work and I wanna make a good impression." The curly-haired boy explained, but Henry knew that he didn't need to put in so much effort. Ray was a stickler for formality, in fact, he kinda loved being goofy.

"Take off the tie," Henry instructed him and Jasper stroked the material sadly. He thought it looked rather dashing. Still, he followed after Henry and the two friends walked into the back together so they could take the elevator.

"Whoa, the back room." Jasper gasped at the unfamiliar territory, even though it wasn't that cool. It was just another front full of junk that kept the real wonder down below a secret.

"Uh-huh." Henry just nodded and stepped into the elevator, wanting to see the real surprise on Jasper's face when he saw the Man Cave.

"Now, uh...don't get scared." He warned him as he pressed the button. Everyone's first trip in that damn elevator was hell and it was certain that it would leave Jasper shaken.

"Dude, this ain't my first elevator ride." He shrugged, thinking that it couldn't be that bad. Oh, how wrong he was. As soon as the bottom was released from Henry's finger, the elevator dropped, making Jasper scream in terror as he felt his body go weightless. Henry, on the other hand, was perfectly cool and collected as he had had nearly two years to get used to the roughness of the trip down. They landed with a bump and the door slid open to reveal that Jasper was clutching Henry's leg for dear life. 

"Oh." He realised that his brush with death was over and he quickly got to his feet before anyone else saw how scared he had been.

"Okay, I got him," Henry told Ray, who had gotten over his anxiety enough to release (y/n) from his arms and let her go get dressed. He was waiting for her to get back and in the meantime, was bringing the floating TV down from the ceiling. 

"Hey, boss!" Jasper smiled brightly, feeling so proud that he was standing in the actual, real-life Man Cave and was reporting for duty to the Captain Man. 

"Good morning, Jasper," Ray replied in a strained voice. God, his cheeriness was annoying. 

"Guess what I'm wearing." The boy said happily, not realising that he was grinding down Ray's gears.

"A goofy tie?" The large man guessed, praying that his girl would hurry up and talk to the kid so he didn't have to. She was so much better at being nice to everyone than he was and it was probably why they fit so well together.

"No, what I'm wearing down here." Jasper pointed to his pants and everyone could guess what he was referring to.

"Okay." Henry cringed, wishing that Jasper could have said anything but that, especially to Ray and on his first day.

"Son, I uh...don't wanna know--" Ray tried to say that he didn't want to see anything like that from Jasper, but it was too late.

"Captain Manderpants!" Oh god. The sight of Jasper's underwear was too much for Ray and the knowledge that the kid was walking around with his face in his...made it even worse. 

"Henry?" He squeaked at his sidekick and now, he was thankful that (y/n) was still getting dressed. This wasn't something a sweet, innocent lady needed to see.

"Put your underwear back in your pants, you're making him uncomfortable." Henry hissed at Jasper in a mortified tone and he quickly rearranged his clothing as Ray pretended to text. Jesus, someone needed to break the tension and that someone was on hand to do it.

"Hey! Oh...hello, Jasper, nice to see you survived the elevator ride." A fully-dressed (y/n) smiled as she descended the stairs from the sprocket and gave her new friend a warm and inviting smile. If anyone could make him feel welcome, it was her.

"Yeah, thank you, Miss Danger," Jasper replied politely, not wanting to upset anyone else. 

"Oh, (y/n)'s fine, you don't have to be so fancy with me. And might I add that you're wearing a devastatingly handsome tie." She joked when she saw the hotdog pattern and her friendliness put the teen at ease. Her mere presence took the edge off the awkwardness for Ray too.

"Uh, where'd Charlotte go?" Henry asked suddenly, looking around for his other friend who had mysteriously disappeared.

"I dunno, probably somewhere." Ray shrugged, still feeling a little off at having a new, unwanted face in his Man Cave. 

"She was around here earlier, maybe she went to the bathroom." (y/n) offered, making sure to keep her manner pleasant since Ray was being so moody around Jasper. She didn't think the boy was so bad, sure, he was a bit silly and odd, but she was certain that he'd grow to be a valuable member of their team. Little did anyone know that poor Charlotte was still kicking and screaming inside the auto-snacker.

"Now, Jasper..." Ray started, but Jasper's exuberance got the better of him.

"Yes, Captain?!" He asked excitedly and gave a salute, which really pissed off Ray.

"First, never do that." The large man told him harshly, making the boy immediately drop his arm. Geez, Ray could be scary when he wanted to be.

"I don't know, I still kind of like the saluting." (y/n) commented, not afraid of Ray and his temper. Well, she was a bit, but she wouldn't let his childish anger walk all over her.

"Secondly, if you're gonna work upstairs in Junk-N-Stuff, the most important thing to remember is to never reveal my identity or Henry's or (y/n)'s," Ray stated firmly, brushing over (y/n)'s silly comment. To see her so formal around him would be too unnatural for him, even if it was a joke and he just wanted her to be herself around him.

"I get it," Jasper confirmed, understanding that secrecy was their survival. He would never let his friends get hurt and he knew that Captain Man could count on him to keep his identity safe.

"You will get it," Ray replied huskily, confusing the woman and teen on either side of him. 

"Just show him the damn video." (y/n) rolled her eyes at his dramatics and Ray pressed the play button on his remote.

"Never tell the secret. Captain Man, Kid Danger and Miss Danger. If you are watching this video, that means you know their true, secret identities, Ray Manchester, Henry Hart and (y/n) (y/l/n)." The video started and showed a photo of Ray and Henry smiling together as the large man held a beaming (y/n) in his arms. It was cute and one of their best ones together as a crime-fighting trio.

"I love that pic of us," Ray smirked at Henry, knowing that he and his sidekick looked awesome.

"Yeah, we look good." Henry nodded, thinking the same, although he was certain that he'd never drool over (y/n) the way Ray was now.

"Big-heads." The young woman shook her head at their huge egos and didn't see the way Ray was admiring her features on the screen, nor did she see how he took the time to gaze at her in real life. A goddess amongst mere mortals. 

"Help!" Charlotte yelled from inside the auto-snacker, but they were all too focused on the video, so her shouting fell on deaf ears. 

"Revealing the secret could have terrible consequences. Such as tragedy, the end of the earth as we know it and loss of bladder control. And now a personal warning to you from Captain Man, Kid Danger and Miss Danger." It was a crappy video and a bit too dramatic, but it got the message across, even if (y/n) hated seeing herself onscreen.

"Never reveal the secret. Or this could happen to you. Or worse, punk!" The three superheroes said in turn, trying to sound cool, but Henry's outstretched hand covered his face and when Ray tried to move it, it broke the cool façade.

"Hey, friend, guess what? Captain Man is really Ray Manchester and his best friend, (y/n) (y/l/n), she's Miss Danger. And Kid Danger, he's a boy named Henry Hart. Ain't that a juicy secret?" Yeah, it was a weird video. Anything that includes a talking and giggling watermelon, is weird.

"Don't do it." The video ended with Henry, Ray and (y/n) frowning at the camera as they shook their heads and fingers solemnly. If that didn't get the message into Jasper's head, nothing would.

"Any questions?" Henry asked his best friend, who, being an odd boy, had a peculiar one.

"How'd you get that watermelon to talk?" He gasped in amazement, making Ray look at Henry with a pissed off face. This was what Henry wanted to bring into his Man Cave? God help him.

"We have them specially trained." (y/n) replied sarcastically and was surprised when Jasper took her words literally. She could already guess what it was going to be like working with him.

"Help! Help me!" Charlotte yelled from the auto-snacker, where she had managed to get her hand out of the hand.

"What was---Charlotte!" Henry exclaimed when he saw her hand clawing for freedom. The four of them ran over to the machine, but they had no idea how to get her out.

"I'm uncomfortable!" The girl shouted. It was dark and extremely warm in the auto-snack and not somewhere you wanted to stick your whole body into.

"Help me get her out of here!" Henry told Ray and the large man tried to use his superior muscle to prise open the door.

"Charlotte, sweetie, you're not meant to get into the machine just for some eggs!" (y/n) shouted back to the girl, who wasn't up for taking any criticism at that moment. Suddenly, the alarm blared in the Man Cave and the surprise of it made Henry and Ray let go of Charlotte's free arm. Well, that was all her progress undone.

"Uh-oh." Ray aid as he heard it and (y/n) was the first to rush to the computer.

"What's going on?" Jasper asked in confusion as everyone rushed away from Charlotte's problem and onto another one. He just went along with it, thinking that Captain Man probably knew best.

"Ah, geez. Something's going down at the airport." (y/n) groaned as the brief summary of the emergency flashed up onscreen.

"Ooh, is a flight delayed?" The curly-haired boy questioned, even though that wasn't a superhero's area of expertise. Bad guys and end of the world situations, yes, lost baggage and bad food, no.

"No!" Henry told him as Ray bit his tongue. If he said anything bad, it'd just upset his girl and he didn't want that.

"Not really in our job description, curly." (y/n) joked to Jasper, deciding that he should have a nickname to help him fit in. 

"Come on, kid," Ray told Henry and they both moved off to the side of the room as (y/n) kept Jasper back.

"What are you gonna do?" He asked, wondering what all the commotion was about. He was so excited to see Captain Man and Kid Danger, he could barely contain his burning questions.

"We've got a crime to thwart..." Ray started, trying to puff out his chest and appear all cool so (y/n) might look at him would adoring eyes. She did that anyway, always, he just never noticed.

"...At the Swellview Airport." Henry finished, smirking at how good he and his boss sounded.

"Whoa, do you guys plan those rhymes?" Jasper asked as (y/n) giggled. Only Jasper could take away a superhero's confidence just like that.

"Uh, no, no."

"No, they're super organic." Ray and Henry frowned, eager to just get off and go help whoever needed assistance at the airport.

"Aren't you taking Miss Danger with you?" Jasper asked yet another question, but at least it was on a topic Ray was more than happy to talk about.

"Nah, I'll sit this one out." (y/n) smiled at the boy as Ray pouted. He liked it when she came with him and fought the bad guys, it was like they were getting extra time together.

"You sure?" Henry asked, seeing the way Ray was getting all whiny and grumpy from her staying behind. Ugh, that meant he'd be pining all day until they got back.

"Yeah, go save the world without me, one flight at a time." She smiled and Ray begrudgingly accepted that she didn't always want to go out for every emergency. It wasn't a huge job, so three crime fighters seemed a little excessive and there was work to be done in the Man Cave.

"Wait, what about Charlotte?" Jasper asked, but Ray and Henry were already in the middle of blowing their bubbles, so any more questions would have to wait. The boy grinned in wonder as he watched them transform together for the first time and before they set off, Captain Man and Kid Danger ran over to the auto-snacker, where (y/n) had wandered over to check on Charlotte.

"Hey, Charlotte, how's it going in there?" Ray asked her like it was a nice getaway vacation or something. 

"It's going bad! Get me out of this thing!" She yelled back, feeling all sticky and claustrophobic from the hot, tight space she found herself trapped in.

"We can't we got an emergency," Ray told her, even though his best friend was determined to get her out whilst they were gone.

"I'm an emergency!" Charlotte whimpered back, making Ray feel a teensy bit guilty that he wasn't going to stick around and help.

"Can you breathe okay?" Henry asked, wanting to know how bad the conditions were for his friend.

"She's been in there for like two hours, if she couldn't breathe, she'd be dead." (y/n) pointed out and then Charlotte snapped back with some incoherent mumbling.

"Okay, what'd she say?" Henry asked the two adults who were none the wiser.

"Uh, I'm pretty sure she said, "Hey, I'm good, you guys go do what you gotta do"," Ray lied, making (y/n) roll her eyes at him. 

"You two, just go. I'll try and get the machine to spit her out." (y/n) told them and they nodded. She had no idea how she was gonna do it without some expert knowledge, but hey, she'd give it a go.

"Okay, Char. Schwoz will be back in two to three hours to help (y/n)." Henry told his friend as the young woman gave Ray a quick hug goodbye and a peck on the cheek. 'For luck', she kept telling herself like she wasn't just doing it because she loved to feel his skin under her lips.

"Two to three hours?!" Charlotte gasped, but Ray and Henry had already run off to the tubes.

"Wait! What am I supposed to do while you guys are out fighting crime?" Jasper asked the heroes as they slapped their belts and the tubes came down. 

"Just go up to Junk-N-Stuff and watch the store," Henry told him and Ray agreed. That was basically all Jasper had to do for a pretty good salary.

"But I have some questions about my job." The boy whined and Ray had the perfect solution.

"(y/n) can answer all your questions right after we say up the tube." The large man told the boy, making his best friends eye widen at how sneaky he was.

"Raymond Manchester, you get back here or--" She tried to run forward and give him a slap on the arm for leaving all of Jasper's questions to her, but it was too late.

"Up the tube!" They shouted and within seconds, they were gone, leaving (y/n) alone with Jasper and his book full of questions.

"Okay, um...when a customer comes into the store, am I supposed to tell them to leave or act normal?" He asked the woman, who smiled politely and sat down on the couch with him. At least they were starting off easy.

"Just act normal. Sell them whatever they want, but if they start getting weird or try to get in the back, press the emergency alarm behind the counter." She answered, glad that he was asking questions that she knew about.

"Okay...what do I do if a criminal comes into the store and threatens me?" He asked next.

"Run like hell and alert us down here that you're in trouble. We'll come and help you." She smiled, but it got a little tight as another question was asked.

"Okay..." This could take a while. Charlotte better sit tight.

~3 hours later~

"KEEP PULLING, SCHWOZ!" (y/n) yelled to the genius as they fought to get Charlotte out of the auto-snacker. He'd finally returned after hours of waiting and now, he was helping the young woman get her out. She'd tried everything, yanking, pulling, being nice to the machine, but nothing had worked, so it was nice to have an extra pair of hands around. 

"I've got the head!" He replied as he pulled from the sides of Charlotte's head whilst (y/n) kept the door from closing. They were grunting and straining from the effort when Ray and Henry came down the tube after their mission. 

"Hiya!" (y/n) smiled at them breathily as she used all of her strength to keep the hatch from closing.

"Ooh, what a pretty fish you have." Schwoz turned around and saw that his boss had a multi-coloured, cardboard and tissue paper fish thing in his hands.

"You're squeezing my head too hard!" Charlotte whined as she managed to her arms out. Just a little more and she'd be free.

"Well, what do you want us to do?" Schwoz asked her sternly, thinking that they were doing their best to help her and all she was doing was complaining.

"Let go!" The teen directed him, not realising what the implications of that action would be.

"Kay-kay." Schwoz smiled, more than happy to give his aching arms a rest from all the pulling.

"Wait, no, no, no! Schwoz!" (y/n) groaned as the girl was released back into the machine, undoing all of their hard work. Well, there was no point in holding the door open now.

"Uh, did Charlotte just get sucked into--" Henry started, but the young woman was too agitated to hear it all out loud.

"Yes. Yes, she did, meaning that the last hour of us busting our asses to get her out has been for nothing. Right, Schwoz?" The young woman hissed and looked directly at Schwoz, who wasn't that worried about the problem or her anger.

"Relax, I'll get her out in a minute." Schwoz brushed her off, which made her fold her arms and sulk at his complacent attitude.

"What's that?" She asked her best friend, strolling over to him in hopes that he'd give her a hug and make her feel better.

"This thing is a fiñata." Ray smiled at her, but she eyed the "fiñata" suspiciously when she heard a buzzing noise come from inside it.

"Yeah, see, it's like a piñata, but, like, fish-themed," Henry explained, making Schwoz roll his eyes at how they were infantilising him.

"I know what a fiñata is." He said in an obvious tone.

"Um, Ray, why is your fiñata buzzing?" (y/n) asked as she poked one of the fish's fins, which probably wasn't a good idea. Ray manoeuvred it out of her reach and she got the message that it was dangerous in some way. 

"Well, I bet you didn't know that this fiñata is filled with live Zom-bees." He told Schwoz and shook the thing at the little guy, making him and (y/n) step back and hide behind the couch.

"Ayee!" Schwoz cowered as (y/n) covered her ears and glared at her best friend. That was a mean trick.

"Raymond, you can't bring Zom-bees into the Man Cave. If the fiñata breaks, they'll fly into our ears and eat our brains and y'know, I'm quite fond of mine!" The young woman pointed out and used her cutest eyes to make Ray get on her side. 

"Well, you'd be okay 'cause your super regeneration would repair your damaged brain cells, but we'd all die!" Schwoz corrected her, which made (y/n) feel worse. Why did she have to be the survivor of the Zom-bee attack and see all her friends get their brains munched on?

"We know," Ray told the genius and gave (y/n) his most calming smile. He didn't want her to be afraid.

"Yeah, so, how do we get rid of it?" Henry asked his boss, feeling just as nervous as (y/n) and Schwoz around the Zom-bee-filled thing.

"Uh, take it upstairs to Junk-N-Stuff. I'll call animal control and have 'em come pick up that fiñata of death." The superhero replied and gave the colourful fish a dark look. He wanted that thing gone before it freaked his girl out even more. 

"Okay, I'll bring it upstairs." Henry nodded, being careful not to break the fragile casing. He'd be the first one to have his brain eaten if they escaped and he definitely didn't fancy that.

"Don't forget to change your clothes." (y/n) reminded him, seeing that Henry was headed straight for Junk-N-Stuff as Kid Danger. That would be a hard one to explain if a customer saw him.

"Oh, yeah," Henry responded and tried to get his tube out whilst balancing the fiñata under his arm, which didn't go well. He stumbled and nearly dropped the thing, spooking the adults as it nearly split open.

"Hey, hey!" Ray gasped as (y/n) squeaked and hid her face in his chest, making his arms instinctively curl around her body to protect her.

"Geez, Henry!" Schwoz breathed out as the fiñata didn't break and the boy tucked it carefully under his arm again. 

"Be careful with that thing!" (y/n) whimpered against the red and blue material of Ray's tunic, her best friend running his hand up and down her back to calm her down.

"Guys, chill out, I'm not gonna drop it," Henry reassured them, not seeing why they were getting so worked up about everything.

"Do you have it?" Ray asked, just wanting to make sure he could manage.

"Yeah." Henry nodded, feeling like they were being a little too cautious. Didn't they trust him?

"Are you good?" (y/n) asked, also feeling a bit nervous at the thought of giving a load of death bees to a teenager to look after. 

"It's fine." He sighed, pressing the elevator button so he could just leave them to their worrying.

"Are you good?" Ray reiterated, not liking how his girl was still clutching him in fear. He wanted to ensure that Henry knew what he was doing.

"Ray...it's fine. Just...hug (y/n), she looks scared." The boy calmly told his boss and smirked when the large man gave him a grumpy look. It was like Henry wanted the woman to see that he was madly in love with her, what a dick.

"Okay." Ray let it go and returned to petting (y/n)'s hair, only Henry was a bit clumsy and on his way into the elevator, he nearly dropped the fiñata again, making the adults look at him with fear as he struggled to catch it before it hit the floor.

"AHHH, THEY'RE COMING TO GET US!" (y/n) screamed and jumped so her legs could wrap around Ray's waist like a koala, clinging to him tightly as she covered his ears. She didn't want to be left alone, so she'd sooner protect his brain than hers.

"See what you've done?" Ray deadpanned to Henry as he supported the girl he was now carrying. The boy just hit the button and the elevator door slid closed, leaving the man to reassure his girl into letting go, not that he was complaining about how she had chosen him to protect her.

"Come on, sweet girl, it's okay, there's no Zom-bees." He cooed at her and rested his hand on his cheek so he could touch the one covering his ears.

"I don't want them to eat your brain." She mumbled, pouting as his eyes met hers. She couldn't bear the thought of him getting hurt, he was her protector and provider, what would she do without him?

"I'm okay, sweet girl." He chuckled into her hair, pressing a kiss to the top of her head as she smiled bashfully into his neck. What would he do without her?

~In Junk-N-Stuff~

"And here's your receipt." Jasper smiled at a customer as he made another sale. 

"Thank you." The woman accepted it graciously and Jasper had to admit that so far, his first day working for Captain Man was going great. 

"And enjoy your vintage waterbed." He said to the customer, who was planning on using it for or...with her cats. Weird. 

"Uh, do you me to help you carry that to your car?" Jasper offered the woman, seeing that the waterbed was too large and heavy for one person to carry easily.

"Please." The woman agreed and they made small talk as they shifted the water-filled bag out of the shop. It probably would be easier to empty the bed before moving it, but no one thought about that.

"Hey, Jasper?...Yo, Jasp?"Henry yelled as he walked out of the elevator and looked around the front of the store for his friend. He had no idea that Jasper had stepped out to help the crazy cat-lady with her waterbed and he was about to make a massive mistake. Henry's whiz watch began to beep and he plonked the fiñata down on the counter.

"Hey, what's up?" He greeted Ray as he checked to see if any customers were coming.

"Schwoz, (y/n) and I are trying to pull Charlotte out of the auto-snacker and we need another pair of hands," Ray grumbled as he glanced at his friends who were still trying to get the girl out of the damn machine. Why it wouldn't spit her out was anyone's guess.

"Okay, I'll be down in a sec." Henry nodded and snapped the watch closed. There was never a dull moment with his job.

"You know I flaunt ya, 'cuz girl I really want ya. And you're looking nice, got me cooler than a bag of ice, now freeze, freeze, freeze." He mumbled to himself as he walked back to the elevator. Five Fingaz To The Face had been in his head all day and it seemed like it was in Jasper's too.

"Drop it fast and move it real slow, oh! What? You smell so fruity, I'm pirate and you're my booty, argh!" Jasper sang, shaking his butt as Piper and her friend came into the store. Well, this was embarrassing.

"Oh my god, are you rapping?" Piper cringed as she saw the older boy, who didn't see anything wrong with a little boogie in the workplace.

"Yeah." He confirmed, thinking his moves were pretty sweet.

"Well, don't." She snapped. God, it was so embarrassing to see her brother's dopey best friend dance and rap in front of her friend.

"Hey, I work here now, so you have to be nice to me," Jasper told the little girl, but she didn't care. She was only nice to a few select people and Jasper wasn't one of them.

"No, I'm here as the customer, so you have to be. nice to me...THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT!" She yelled in Jasper's face when he tried to disagree and he quickly fell into line. No one wanted to be on the receiving end of Piper and her fury.

"Hey, we're gonna be late." Piper's friend said as she looked up from her phone for the first time since she walked into the store.

"Late for what?" Jasper asked as he took in their outfits. Both girls were dressed to the nines in some really cute clothes and he wondered where they were going.

"A birthday party for our friend. So help us pick out a present, would ya?" Piper instructed him, peering around the junk on the shelves. There had to be something in this crappy store that would suit her friend.

"Does she like dogs?" Jasper asked, having something in mind, even though it wasn't remotely apt for an eleven-year-old girl.

"Yeah." Piper's friend said and Jasper walked over to a freaky skeleton on display.

"This is a dog skeleton. Woof, woof, woof...we'll keep looking." The curly-haired boy quickly discarded the creepy thing when he saw Piper's displeased stare. Maybe not.

"Hey, is this a fiñata?" The other girl said, picking up the deadly thing that Henry should've put somewhere safer. Obviously, someone would think it was just another piece of junk on sale and Jasper was none the wiser to its true, dark nature.

"Oooh, cool, how much for the fiñata?" Piper asked Jasper, thinking that it would be the perfect addition to her friend's party. 

"Lemme check," Jasper said and started to roughly turn the fish around in his hands so he could look for the price tag. If he knew what was inside it, there was no way he'd be shaking it so much.

"We don't care if it's a boy or a girl." Piper sassed as she watched Jasper shuffle the fish around.

"I'm checking for a price tag! I don't see one anywhere." He said, scouring the paper-covered fish for anything that could tell him the asking price. Of course, he wouldn't find one, it should be locked up, not sold to a child.

"Good, it's free then, thanks." Piper snatched the fiñata from Jasper's hands and made a break for the exit before he could stop them.

"The customer is always right!" She yelled at him when he tried to call after them, silencing Jasper as his second sale of the day made off without paying. That fiñata was about to cause him a load more trouble too.

~The Man Cave~

"Pull!" Ray yelled to his three friends as they tightly clutched Charlotte's ankle and tried to yank her from the auto-snack. It just wouldn't let her go.

"She's still stuck! Let her go, you piece of shit!" (y/n) growled and thumbed the hatch with her fist as Charlotte screamed. No matter how hard they pulled, Schwoz's invention kept her prisoner and it sucked her deep into itself, leaving her friends stumped.

"Well, how are we gonna get her outta there?" Ray asked as they panted. Physical exertion was futile.

"Hey, how about this?" Henry suddenly had a bright idea and smacked his palm against the screen.

"Charlotte." He ordered like he was ordering some fries or a milkshake.

"Charlotte." The auto-snacker confirmed and the young girl came flying out the hatch before bellyflopping onto the floor. 

"It worked! Nice one, Hen." (y/n) high-fived Henry as they all celebrated their success. Well, that was easier than they had thought. 

"You okay?" Henry asked his friend as she stood up and dusted herself off. Man, that was an ordeal and she was still starving.

"No, I am not okay! And I still never got my scrambled eggs." She said, walking over to the machine and bending down to look through the window of the machine. This time, however, it seemed to understand her order and a load of hot, steaming scrambled eggs were fired at her face.

"You, uh, you got something..." Ray pointed to her cheek as bits of egg plopped onto the floor.

"That's why I order cereal. Eggs are just bad news." (y/n) quipped, thinking it was pretty funny to see Charlotte's unimpressed face covered in the mess. However, her giggling was soon interrupted when the computer started to beep.

"That's Jasper, upstairs." Henry recognised the special beeping and realised that it was the signal from Junk-N-Stuff.

"Oh god, I told him to press it when there was an emergency." (y/n) panicked, thinking that he was being held at gunpoint or the store was on fire or some other disaster. 

"Hey, Jasper, what's up?" Henry opened the link and saw his friend on the monitor.

"There's two guys here from animal control, asking about some Zom-bees?" He told Henry as Ray and (y/n) wandered over. Well, at least he was using the line correctly, it was better to ask and make sure he was doing the right thing than just assume.

"Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah." Henry nodded and remembered that he'd left the dangerous insects upstairs, unattended and with a boy who knew nothing about them.

"Yeah, yeah, Jasper, the Zom-bees are inside the purple fiñata," Ray told him, thinking that the matter would be swiftly dealt with, but things were about to get complicated.

"Oh, I sold the fiñata." He told them, making Henry and (y/n) choke on their own saliva as Ray took a minute to process his words.

"Great, then just give it to the guys--you sold the fiñata?!" Ray exclaimed in horror as Jasper remained oblivious to the cock-up he'd made.

"Yeah, and a waterbed." He smiled happily, thinking that his sales so far were good, even though one of them hadn't been paid for.

"Shit on it, wh-who'd you sell it to?" (y/n) asked frantically as she rested her hand on Ray's bicep and looked up at him in worry.

"Piper," Jasper replied, making Henry gasp. His sister? Seriously? Ray ended the call prematurely and peered at his friends with nervous eyes.

"Do you realise what'll happen if those Zom-bees get outta that fiñata?" He questioned the boy, who was seriously freaking out. He couldn't have his sister die from a bee eating her brain!

"Okay, okay, let's not panic about this. I'm sure that Piper just took it home and put it in her bedroom or something." (y/n) told the boy calmly as she theorised that Piper probably wanted it as a decoration. Little did she know that it was currently at a pre-teen's birthday party, being whacked viciously by a load of children looking for candy. They needed to get Jasper with them immediately.

~10 minutes later~

As soon as Jasper had closed up the store and stepped into the Man Cave Henry was all over him, interrogating him about the sale of a ticking time bomb to Piper. There was only a matter of time until the fiñata was smashed open and a load of people were killed.

"How could you give my little sister a fiñata full of death bugs?" The boy asked his friend sternly as Ray paced behind him, just as angry. (y/n) didn't think Jasper was to blame that much, he was just doing his job as they had told him. In the middle of all of this bickering, Charlotte had found a towel and was wiping the egg mush from her face as the argument went on and on.

"Oh, come on! It's not Jasper's fault!" The young woman defended the boy, wanting to be the one who was on his side since everyone else seemed so unfairly angry with him.

"I didn't know there were bugs in it!" Jasper stressed, glad that (y/n) was being so kind to him. He'd never endanger Piper deliberately, especially on his first day at work.

"Well, there are! There's at least fifty Zom-bees inside that fiñata!" Ray hissed, making the poor kid feel worse. He really didn't mean any harm. 

"Okay, yelling at Jasper isn't gonna help anything." Charlotte stepped in too, joining (y/n) in defending Jasper.

"Thank you." He said. He was starting to get the picture that they were the reasonable ones around these parts.

"Do you realise how dangerous those bees are?" Ray looked at the two teens as Henry walked around with his hands on his head. 

"Ya! They fly into your head, through your ears, and then they feed upon your brain!" Schwoz showed them the information on his PearPad and tried to sound all dramatic. He really knew how to stir the pot and make things worse.

"You should not have worn that tie," Charlotte mentioned to Jasper, as she noticed the hotdog pattern on it. Was (y/n) the only one who liked it?

"Okay, just...did my sister say where she was going anywhere?" Henry asked Jasper, who bit his lip as he recalled every word Piper had said to him. There was a lot of shouting from her, but also...

"Uh...yeah! Some friend of hers' birthday party." Jasper remembered and it triggered Henry's memory about something his sister had been banging on about for weeks.

"Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah! Uh...Gabby Birch." Henry said the name as Ray and (y/n) dashed over so they could hear everything.

"Who's Gabby Birch?" Ray asked, too panicky to put two and two together.

"Her friend, duh!" (y/n) said as she and Henry reached for their gum tubes. That's right, she had her own tube now, all hers, no one else's and it made her feel like one of the team.

"Come on, let's blow and go," Henry told Ray, who remained still. Why wasn't he snapping into action like them?

"No, are you insane?" He asked them halting their movements before they could pop a gumball.

"What? We need to go grab that death fish!" (y/n) pointed out, but Ray had a fairly good point for holding back.

"We can't just run in there as Captain Man, Kid Danger and Miss Danger and be like "Hey, kids! We're here at the party because we were worried that some killer bugs might fly into your heads and eat your brains, happy birthday, Gabby!"," Ray rambled and the sidekicks got the message. They certainly didn't want to freak out a load of children and their parents.

"All right, all right, then...we just gotta sneak in, grab the fiñata and get outta there fast." Henry theorised and the adults agreed. It seemed simple enough, right?

"Oh, come on!" Charlotte protested, seeing a million things wrong with what Henry had just said.

"What?" The boy looked at her, thinking that his plan was perfect.

"How are you guys gonna sneak into a birthday party without being seen?" She asked, making a good point. They could just walk in unannounced, they'd get arrested for trespassing or for being creeps.

"We will need a cunning disguise." (y/n) smirked and rubbed her hands, knowing exactly what would get them into the party. Every kid had them when it was their birthday and it was a sure-fire way to be let in, no questions asked. Hopefully.

~Gabby Birch's Birthday Party~

Well, the party was in full swing: there were balloons, food, cake, music, toys and, of course, the fiñata, which was still being sadistically beaten by numerous little girls. Henry, Ray and (y/n) sneaked in and winced when they saw the rough treatment of the cardboard fish. Their disguises weren't bad, (y/n) had cleverly chosen them to be clowns since they always came to kid's birthday parties, even though no child ever wanted one. Sure, they were creepy, but it gave them the perfect way in.

Both males were wearing alarmingly bright, wacky clothes, face paint and wigs that gave them the clown aesthetic and hid who they were. (y/n) looked equally ridiculous, but also kinda cute in a way and she was sure that as long as no one looked too close, they'd be able to grab the fiñata and get out of there.

"Shit, Henry!" (y/n) gasped as nudged Henry as she saw the fiñata taking its beating and the boy quickly started shaking his boss's shoulder.

"Ray, Ray, Ray, Ray, Ray!" He panicked, gaining the man's attention fairly quickly as he pointed to the tree where the fish has been strung up.

"What? What?" Ray asked annoyedly, but he was soon gulping like his friends when he saw how the girls were minutes away from breaking the fiñata.

"They're whacking the fiñata!" (y/n) said as Ray gasped, making him put himself in front of her so he'd be the first to be eaten if the Zom-bees escaped. He didn't want his girl to munched on, even if she would be fine, especially since she looked so cute in her little dress. God, it fit her perfectly and he was more than happy to admire her figure.

"I don't get why this stupid fiñata won't break." A girl yelled and her friends began to hit it even harder. This wasn't going to end well.

"Here I found a shovel." Piper came in and was immediately encouraged to beat the fiñata with it. Okay, the superheroes had to act before these kids released the death bugs.

"Dear God, she's using a shovel." Ray cringed as he watched the fish bounce from the shovel to the fiñata sticks and each blow was painful to witness.

"We have to do something." (y/n) hissed in his ear, but before they could, a cheery woman with a drink in her hand addressed them.

"Hello!" She smiled, making the clowns panic. How were they supposed to lie to this mom about being the entertainment at her daughter's party?

"Uhhh...hey."

"Hi, how are you?" Ray and Henry greeted her politely as (y/n) just smiled and waved. This was gonna be fun.

"Oh, I'm Mrs Birch, the birthday girl's mom." The woman introduced herself and shook hands with each clown, all of whom were feeling pretty awkward. They had no idea how to clown around and entertain kids, they just needed to grab the damn fiñata.

"Nice to meet you." (y/n) smiled nervously, but thankfully, Mrs Birch didn't pick up on it.

"Okay, so, which one of you is Burples and which one of you is Schmutz?" She asked, making Henry and Ray both choose the one that sounded better.

"I'm Burples." They said together, not liking the idea of being called Schmutz, but then they both sounded weird.

"I'm Schmutz." They then said together, confusing Mrs Birch and making (y/n) facepalm. This wasn't a good first impression.

"You know, we swap."

"We trade-off." They excused their weirdness and luckily, Mrs Birch took it to be a funny clown joke. 

"You two really are clowns." She laughed, thinking it was a compliment and the annoyed look on the boys' faces made (y/n) giggle too.

"Yes, they are." She confirmed, loving how the woman had called out Ray and Henry's bumbling behaviour, but then, Mrs Birch stopped and thought about how she had one too many clowns in her garden.

"Sorry, I thought we paid for two clowns." She looked at (y/n) who took a moment to think of a believable lie.

"Uh...well, I'm on work experience. Yep, and I'm just gonna be observing these two...being clowns. Free of charge." She punched out nervously, making it up as she went along and the mom seemed to be fine with it, thank god.

"Oh, lovely, what's your clown name?" Mrs Birch asked and again, (y/n) had to think on her feet for something clownish.

"Uhhhh...Phalange. Yeah, I'm Phalange the Clown." She giggled, reverting to her favourite made-up name for every time she went undercover. It was an oldie, but a goodie and it was convincing enough.

"Well, I'll just leave the entertainment up to you guys, then." Mrs Birch smiled and Ray, (y/n) and Henry could let out a sigh of relief as the woman returned to the other parents.

"That'll be great, ma'am, thank you." Ray nodded at her politely as he tried to channel his inner clown. It should be too hard for him, after all, he was a pretty goofy guy.

"Yes, we are professional clowns." Henry tried to sound convincing like he really was a guy who painted his face and wore baggy pants to entertain kids.

"Ain't that the truth." (y/n) added, smirking at the boy as Ray pulled them to the side. They got up to so much mischief, they probably could pass as clowns sometimes.

"Dang it, they're gonna break that thing open any second!" Ray complained as he watch the kids still whacking the fiñata.

"And then snack time for all those Zom-bees and bye-bye brains for everyone here." The young woman freaked out too, looking to her best friend for any ideas.

"Uh, ooh, I got a plan, I got a plan," Henry told them and before he could discuss it with the adults, he stepped towards the children and started to work his inner clown.

"Hey, kids! Hey! Hey kids, over here!" He yelled at them in a funny voice, baffling Ray and (y/n) as the kids looked at the weirdo trying to get their attention.

"What are you doin'?" Ray asked the boy, thinking that he looked and sounded ridiculous, but it was fine. Henry had a plan.

"Shhhhh!" Henry shut him up and returned his focus to the bored expressions of the children. Yeah, no one likes clowns.

"What?" Piper asked, feeling just as annoyed as all her friends at the rude interruption. She was gonna break this fiñata open if it was the last thing she'd do. And if she did, it probably would be.

"You wanna know what's more fun than whackin' a fiñata?" Henry jumped up and down and acted like all the clowns he'd seen at the birthday parties he'd attended over the years.

"Tell us!" The kids demanded, hoping that his suggestion would be worth them stopping their attack.

"Whackin' Burples the Clown!" Henry pointed at Ray with a huge grin on his face as (y/n) and Ray shared a nervous look. Why did Ray have to be the one who got beat up? Just because he was indestructible, didn't mean it wouldn't hurt.

"No, no, no, no, no." Ray rejected the idea as the kids cheered. Whacking a real person seemed a lot more fun than whacking that stupid fish.

"You're indestructible!" Henry hissed to Ray, thinking that he was the best candidate for the job.

"So?" Ray looked at his sidekick in offence and then at his girl for help. She wasn't keen on the idea of seeing him getting beaten by a load of children, but they didn't have a better idea.

"So just take it or (y/n) will have to be the one who gets whacked!" Henry hissed in his ear and Ray swiftly sucked it up. Damn Henry, he knew his weakness; he'd never let his sweet girl take the pain when he was more than capable of doing so and the boy knew it. That's why he was busy dragging (y/n) off to the side as the kids ran over with their bats, sticks, shovels and planks of wood. Oh dear god, this would hurt.

"Ow, ow, ow!" Ray groaned at the first few hits came in and (y/n) whimpered at the sight of him being treated so cruelly. Why did these children have to love hurting people so much?

"(y/n), come on, he'll be fine," Henry promised the young woman and she knew he was right. Taking advantage of all the focus being on Ray as he tried to escape the kids' malice, the boy and woman sneaked through the garden and avoided the parent's gaze as they went for the fiñata.

Henry tried to snag it from the tree, but it was no use. Whoever had tied it on knew what they were doing and it would take more than a few tugs to set the fiñata free.

"You're gonna have to pull harder!" (y/n) hissed to the boy as he used all his weight to try and snap the string. Things were never easy; luckily, Ray was taking to blows like a champ and the parents were too busy nattering to realise what was going on. Seeing that he had an opportunity, Henry jumped onto the fish and used all his strength to climb up the string to the branch whilst (y/n) kept a lookout.

"Keep going, Burples!" She cheered on her best friend as he was hit by the hammers and bricks, but they soon had another problem on their hands. The garden gate swung open and two more clowns joined the party. Oh, shit, here came the real Burples and Schmutz.

"Hey, hey, who are those clowns?" Henry and (y/n) looked to see that they had company and gulped when the new clowns gave them some very dirty stares. 

"That clown ain't supposed to be here!"

"Yeah, we booked this job!" The real clowns snapped as the kids stopped whacking Ray, who was suddenly just as nervous as his sidekicks.

"Uh, look uh, there's a perfectly rational explanation---" Ray tried to keep things calm between himself and the men, but they were obviously very protective over their gigs.

"Why don't you shut up and get outta here!" A clown squared up to Ray, who wasn't the sort of guy to take that kind of attitude lying down.

"Keep trying to get that thing down!" (y/n) hissed to Henry, who nodded as she went to stand in between Ray and the angry clowns.

"Uh, are you guys threatening me?" Ray asked the men as his best friend came to his side, but he wasn't going to let her get hurt, not against these losers.

"Maybe..." The clown replied and jabbed Ray in the nose with a mean right hook, shocking (y/n) and Henry as they watched their friend take the hit. Oh, it was on.

"Ah!" Ray clutched his nose as he waited for the pain to fade, but (y/n)'s temper had flared and she wasn't going to let these two clown jerks hurt the man she loved.

"Okay, Burples, is that how you wanna play?!" She hissed at the man, her eyes burning with fury as she stepped up to the plate. She was taunting them, daring them to make a move and then, she'd give them what for.

"Go back to the gutter, bitch. It's where you belong." The other man growled at her, not realising that he could insult or hit Ray all he liked, but insulting (y/n) made the superhero furious. She didn't deserve to be spoken to so rudely, not be some two-bit clown in a crappy costume and Ray wasn't going to let them get away with it.

"Oh, that's it! You don't talk about her like that! You're going down, clown!" Ray growled at them as he stepped in front of his girl, ready to defend her honour. It enraged the man to see her be mistreated and the protective streak in his DNA told him to keep her safe at all costs from the morons and their harsh words.

"Come on!" The clowns put up their fists, preparing to swing again, but they didn't realise that they had just picked a battle with Captain Man and insulted the woman he loved. They were playing with fire.

"Clown fight! Clown fight! Clown fight! Clown fight! Clown fight!" The kids and parents began to chant with Piper being to ringleader as Ray circled the two men and Henry tried his hardest to get the fiñata to budge.

He jumped up and down on it and finally, it gave way, but Henry couldn't control his landing and he accidentally squished the fish as he fell on the ground. He and (y/n) watched in horror as the death bugs began to fly out of the fiñata, searching for their targets.

"The Zom-bees!" Ray shrieked as he saw the insects spread out and his hands flew to his head to protect his brain.

"Everyone! Cover your ears!" (y/n) screamed to the kids as she got in front of them, hoping that the bees would pick her brain to eat on and not theirs. However, it seemed that they were particularly focused on the two asshole clowns, who had covered their ears too late and were screeching in pain.

"It's hurting my brain!" They screamed as Ray opened the gate for them to run out and they took the Zom-bees with them. Well, that was that dilemma solved. Wherever the bees would go, it wasn't their problem anymore. All they had to worry about was how to explain what had just happened to the terrified kids and their parents.

"Uhhhh...Happy birthday, Gabby!" (y/n) nudged the boys for them to join her and they all smiled as brightly as they could at the little girl. Now, they just needed to get out of the garden before...

"Whoa, clowns? Mister and Missus Clowns?" Mrs Birch stopped them before they could open the gate and the three looked at her sheepishly, hoping she wasn't gonna call the cops on them.

"Yeah, what's up?" Ray and Henry asked politely, hoping that whatever she wanted wouldn't take too long.

"You're supposed to stay and entertain the children until five o'clock. That's, uh...two more hours." She smiled at them as she checked her watch. Two hours, ew, no thank you.

"Oh, uhhhhh." Ray stumbled and looked to (y/n) for an excuse. She was normally good at making things up.

"Oh, well, ma'am, the thing is, you see---" The young woman rambled, wracking her brain for an excuse, but she was cut off when Piper ran over to them with something to say.

"Hey! Gabby wants you clowns to make some stuff with balloons." She told them and Mrs Birch smiled at the idea. That would give them something to do.

"But we gotta go..." Ray shuddered at the murderous glare that Piper was giving him and his excuse dried up in his mouth.

"So do it." She hissed. Looks like they had no choice.

~

Well, this sucked. Making balloon animals was a lot harder than it looked in the movies or on TV and Henry was struggling to come up with something good. At least Ray and (y/n) had an idea of what to do.

"Look, kids, aeroplane." Ray presented his balloon creation with a bored voice and twirled the propeller to make them clap. To be fair, it was quite impressive that he was able to make one.

"Look, kids, a dog." (y/n) showed them her much simpler design and then passed it to a girl at the front as she rubbed her sore hands together. The balloons had snapped and rubbed them as she twisted the latex into something resembling an animal, but at least they were soon healing over. The perks of being a superhero.

"How people do this for a living is beyond me." She grumbled quietly to Ray as they waited for Henry to finish his masterpiece. Ray saw her discomfort and took a hand into his so he could try and massage away the pain. They'd get better on their own instantly, but he wanted an excuse to hold her hand and she was happy to let him go for it.

"Uh, look I made an X." Henry smiled nervously at the children and held his untied balloons together. He was useless at balloon-art and unfortunately, this was the best he could do.

"Um, excuse me, ma'am. How much more of this do we have to do?" (y/n) asked the woman as Henry was just too painful to watch. Hopefully, they had killed a bit of time making their works. 

"An hour and fifty-five minutes." Maybe not. They still had ages left and barely any energy.

"Oh, god." Ray groaned and Henry handed him his balloons. It was mundane and agitating for the couple, who knew that they had much better things to do with their time than mess about for children, but it was okay.

Much better things were about to come their way.

[ghostybourbon]

Something Else

Ch.2 || Introductions

Pairing: TF141 × F!Reader

Warnings: MDNI, Canon-typical violence(?), Swearing, Mention of a mental health condition (DID) If you're not okay with it you can avoid this chapter.

Other note: It's a pretty lengthy chapter (￣���￣*)ゞ and Hi! Bourbon’s back! I hope you guys like this <3

——————————————————————————

“Split”

“Laswell, we meet again.” Split greets her with a handshake, fresh off from the field. Swiftly taking off some of her gear before sitting in front of Laswell’s desk. She looks around in the office, obviously not owned by the woman in front of her. "You really chose Colonel König's office just so you can speak to me?" She says with a chuckle, before glaring at Laswell.

“Care to take off the mask? and the colonel was more than happy to let me borrow his office for a few minutes.” Laswell starts, taking a folder from a drawer and setting it in front of her, waiting for the soldier to settle her stuff; She scans her movements, taking note of the way she plays with her gloves, how neatly her gear is placed away.

“You know I don’t do that. Called me in for the captain’s approval?” Split asked right away, to avoid further bugging from Laswell. "Indeed," Laswell replies, her tone even as she hands the folder to Split. "The captain has been keen on having you join the Task Force for a while now." Split's gloved fingers tap on the folder in front of her, the atmosphere charged with a mix of tension and intrigue. "And why the sudden change of heart from him?" she questions, her voice steady but filled with curiosity.

Laswell's gaze remains fixed on Split, assessing every detail as she speaks. "He's seen your work, your efficiency. He believes your skills could be a valuable asset to the team." Split chuckles, a hint of amusement hidden behind her mask. "Is that so? And what do you believe, Laswell?"

Laswell leans forward slightly, her eyes locked onto Split's concealed face. "I believe that actions speak louder than reputation," she states calmly. "Given your abilities, you've got a lot of people trying to track you down."

Split's posture remains composed, her demeanor unreadable. "You've done your homework," she acknowledges, a note of approval in her voice. "But you must know, I have my conditions."

Laswell nods, her expression unwavering. "We're open to negotiation, as long as your conditions align with the objectives of the Task Force."

Split's gaze narrows behind her mask, and for a moment, the air is thick with unspoken tension. "I have my reasons for being elusive, for maintaining my anonymity," she says slowly. "I won't compromise that. Not again."

Laswell's response is swift, her voice firm. "We understand the importance of discretion. We can work within those boundaries."

The two women lock eyes, a silent exchange of determination and calculation. Both aware that this meeting is a pivotal moment for the Task Force and the potential alliance they're considering. As Split's gloved hand finally opens the folder, Laswell can feel the weight of their conversation settling over them, setting the course for what comes next.

—————————————————————————— "Settle down. Laswell will be here in a bit." "Aye, sir."

"I think we've got a new member joining" Gaz whispers next to Soap, who's smirking as he watches their captain read a file. "How can ya tell?" Soap whispers back, taking a glance at Gaz before going back to watching Price.

"They never do a briefing in here unless it's a new member." Gaz says, amusement evident in his voice, Soap's eyes widens as he realizes that Gaz may be right. As he was about to speak, Ghost suddenly put a hand on his shoulder, a way of telling them to not pry on it. They both shut up after sharing a glance with each other.

A few minutes passed before Laswell steps inside the office. Price stands at the head of the briefing room, his gaze serious and his demeanor commanding. "Listen up, everyone," he begins, his voice carrying the weight of the information he's about to share. "We've been given a unique opportunity. A skilled operative, known as 'Split,' has expressed interest in joining our ranks."

Laswell stands beside Price, her expression focused as she continues, "But this isn't just any operative, she's a First Lieutenant; she battles with Dissociative Identity Disorder, and her multiple personas possess distinct skill sets. She's a sniper, close-quarters combat specialist, and an infiltration expert, all rolled into one."

The room is filled with hushed murmurs as the members of the 141 exchange glances, the weight of Split's reputation sinking in.

Price raises his hand, and the room falls silent. "She's not just highly skilled; she's also incredibly dangerous. Her ability to shift personas makes her unpredictable."

Laswell's voice remains steady as she elaborates, "But she's not without her challenges. Her struggle with DID is ongoing, and she's maintained her anonymity for a reason. We respect her need for discretion."

Price steps forward, his gaze sweeping over the room. "Our enemies are after her for a reason. They know the threat she poses. And that's exactly why we want her on our side."

Laswell continues, her tone unwavering. "Split's capabilities can bolster our team's effectiveness. We'll work with her to ensure a seamless integration that respects her boundaries while further harnessing her skills."

The room is tense with anticipation as Price and Laswell lay out the gravity of the situation. Split's reputation as a formidable figure within covert operations is evident, as is the potential she holds for the 141.

"We're moving forward cautiously," Price concludes, his voice firm. "But if we can gain her trust and make this collaboration work, we could have an edge like never before. Questions?"

As the briefing room fills with questions, Price and Laswell brace for the discussions and decisions that lie ahead. The 141's future could be forever changed by this enigmatic operative, and everyone present knows they're standing at the crossroads of a pivotal moment in their mission.

Price raises his hand once more, quelling the rising discussions in the room. "I understand that this is a lot to take in," he says calmly, his voice carrying the weight of experience. "But remember, we're a team. We've faced challenges before, and this is just another test of our ability to adapt."

Laswell steps forward, her presence commanding attention. "We're not taking this decision lightly. Split's inclusion will be a calculated risk, but the rewards could be monumental."

Ghost raises his hand, seeking clarification. "How do we know she won't turn against us? What's stopping her from using her skills against the 141?" His voiced somehow laced with venom.

Price responds with conviction, "We'll have strict protocols in place. Trust needs to be earned, and she'll undergo rigorous evaluation."

Laswell adds, "Remember, Split is reaching out to us. She's interested in joining our mission. We believe she sees the value in working alongside us."

Another operative speaks up, concern evident in their voice. "But what about her DID? How can we be sure she won't be a liability in the field?"

Price nods, addressing the valid concern. "We'll be working closely with her to understand her condition better. She's managed it effectively in the past, and we'll provide the necessary support."

Laswell's gaze sweeps over the room, her determination unwavering. "This mission isn't just about adding a skilled operative. It's about embracing change, learning from each other, and becoming a stronger, more adaptable team."

Price concludes, "We've all seen the battlefield, faced the unknown. It's what we do best. Let's proceed cautiously but with an open mind. We've been handed an opportunity, and it's up to us to make it count."

As the room quiets down, the operatives exchange glances. The weight of the decision before them is clear, but so is the determination in their eyes. The potential collaboration with Split adds a layer of complexity to their already challenging missions, but they know that the 141's ability to evolve and thrive amidst adversity is what sets them apart.

"Now all of you, will address her as Lieutenant Katastrof until she tells ya what you should call her, unless you lads have deathwishes." Price says with that iconic smirk as he ends their briefing.

With their eyes set on the challenges ahead, the 141 members prepare to embark on their next mission, aware that this alliance with Split could change the course of their operations in ways they hadn't imagined before. ——————————————————————————

A few days after the briefing. The helipad on the Task Force's secure base was a hub of activity as the helo's blades sliced through the air, gradually descending to its designated landing spot. Price stood there, his eyes fixed on the incoming aircraft. Beside him, Soap and Gaz exchanged curious glances, their anticipation palpable.

As the helo landed smoothly, the dust settled to reveal a figure in black emerging from the aircraft. Split's gear was sleek, all in black, designed for quiet movement and agility. The balaclava she wore had painted red streaks that seemed to flow from the eye sockets, creating an eerie yet captivating effect as if she was crying blood.

Price stepped forward to greet her, and as she turned toward the core members of the 141, the tension in the air was palpable. Soap and Gaz exchanged a quick, bewildered look, both feeling a mixture of curiosity and intimidation. Beside them, Ghost's expression remained inscrutable, his eyes narrowing ever so slightly as he observed Split.

Price extended his hand for a handshake, his tone welcoming. "Lieutenant Katastrof, welcome to the Task Force."

"Captain," she responded, her voice cool and composed. She shook his hand firmly before turning her attention to Soap and Gaz. Her gaze swept over them, her eyes hidden behind her balaclava. "Soap, Gaz," she acknowledged, the tension momentarily easing.

Soap chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. "Guess we're getting another copy of our L.T," he joked, a hint of unease in his tone.

Gaz smirked, playing along. "Right, because one wasn't enough."

Split's lips twitched, the faintest hint of amusement visible under her balaclava. The atmosphere seemed to relax a bit, the ice broken by the lighthearted exchange.

Ghost, however, stood a bit apart from the group, his gaze focused on Split. There was a flicker of recognition in his eyes, something familiar about her. It was as if a distant memory was trying to resurface.

Price's voice broke the momentary silence. "Let me introduce you to Ghost, another Lieutenant, you two will most likely work with each other for the next few months." he said, gesturing toward the silent figure.

Ghost's mask concealed his expression, but there was a sense of intrigue in his stance as Split turned to face him. "Ghost," she greeted, her voice holding a trace of something almost nostalgic.

Ghost's response was barely perceptible, a simple nod as if acknowledging something unspoken between them.

Price glanced between the two, his curiosity piqued by the exchange. "We've got a lot to discuss, but first, let's get you settled in," he said, leading the way toward the base.

As they walked, the members of the Task Force exchanged glances, the initial intimidation slowly morphing into a mix of intrigue and cautious anticipation. Split's presence had injected a new energy into their ranks, and as they moved forward, they knew that the missions ahead would be unlike anything they had faced before.

——————————————————————————

Ch.3 || Evaluation

A/N:

Hey there! Bourbon here! I'm sorry for the inaccuracies that you may have noticed ;-; but anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Any types of support are very much appreciated and thank you so much for supporting me! Bourbon out.

Stay frosty~

[i-have-rabies-dw]

Howdy hey!!! My name is Kitt or Ko <3

This is my blog to make friends, be myself, and find others who've lived similar lives to me! This is my only source of social interaction sooo bare with me

I'm 20, live in the United Shits, I usually use he/him pronouns, but I am genderfluid! I'm a nb transmasc living in one of the most rural areas of the continental US! I have no friends, this place is 30 or more years behind with respecting women/afab folk & lgbt acceptance <3

I'm a boydyke aspec lesboy! I'm not attracted to cis people, mostly attracted to trans men/enby individuals and transwomen occasionally. (But hmu worms, I still love you💔)

Dnis unless debating: Trans exclusionary feminists towards ftms, nb, mtfs, intersex folk in feminism (have always been apart of feminism), endo/"non trauma" systems (not real sry pick a struggle), npd abuse or insert any other mental health condition abuse believers, conservatives, zionists, exclusionary lgbtq folk (straight pandering much)

Dnis perrrriod: Radqueers, zoos/pedos/etc, under 18!

What's wrong with me? Wellll then, I have DID, BPD&Bipolar 1, ASD, (dx with all listed), and other problematic mental health symptoms where idk what they stem from tbh. I don't bite, I pinky promise, genetics and life have really sucked! Obv looking for friends with these same disorders, especially systems with any of these conditions. If you're accepting of people who have these conditions and don't have them, I also wouldn't mind talking!

My Beloved Interests; Embroidery! It's my fav past time, keeps me sannne. I love many other types of creativity, story writing, traditional art (sketching&watercolors mostly), physical crafts, and singing/music/song writing! I'm a very outdoorsy person, love foraging, hiking, plant identification and practical uses, swimming, watching animals, I love love bugs. I also love gardening, love my plants sm <3. Cooking from scratch 2! I've never had a social life lmao

Shows/Movies - Bojack Horseman, Gravity Falls, •South Park•, Heather's the Movie&Musical, Them (2019), Hazbin but I don't like or support Vivian/Vivzi

Books - Stone Butch Blues, I know Why the Caged Bird Sings, Parable of the Sower, George Orwell Books <3... I have no Mouth, and I must Scream

Manga&Anime - The Promised Neverland, Danganronpa, Mekakucity Actors

Games: DETRIOT BECOME HUMAN!!!

Social Justice stuff - Free Palestine! Feminism, Trans-rights, LGBTQ+ rights, black lives matter, disabled folks rights&quality of life, pro-choice, elderly folk rights&qaulity of life, resistance against past and modern day colonialism and imperialism, addressing modern day civil rights injustices (racism, sexism, queerphobia is well alive). Separation of Church and state my beloved <3, fighting against cults and organized religion. Acknowledging, we are in the second civil rights era. Politically queer and punk.

Imma post about symptom stuff, memes, social justice related stuff (usually from historical evidence), embriodery related stuff, and yeah just whatever I'm up toooo (this blog is ran by a Kokichi Ouma fictive)

I can't comment&dm rn (can respond to dms/asks)

[wutbju]

For Josh Crockett's first Heritage Day chapel, he helps the audience's insomnia with a conversation between Bob Jones III and Stephen Jones.

Bob can't help himself, however, in repeating a typical Trump-talking-point insulting Kamala Harris's intelligence.

Stephen looks a little embarrassed. Josh adores it!

The Anti-Defamation League points out that these kinds of insults are typical among white male supremacists -- a kind of glue that binds them all together.

And Trump himself never fails to hurl some kind of insult at any woman who dares to act:

On Vice President Kamala Harris "She is slow and lethargic in answering even the easiest of questions." [October 13, 2024] "Lyin' Kamala, who is being exposed as a 'dummy' every time she does a show." [October 8, 2024] "Kamala is mentally impaired." [September 29, 2024] "Retarded." [September 29, 2024] "They put her in, and she somehow — a woman — somehow she's doing better than [President Joe Biden] did." [September 18, 2024] "She's a Marxist. Everybody knows she's a Marxist." [September 10, 2024] "I am much better looking than Kamala Harris." [August 17, 2024] "She was a bum three weeks ago. She was a bum. A failed vice president in a failed administration." [July 27, 2024] "She's so bad. She's so pathetic. She's so fu*king bad" [July 3, 2024] "I see the same basic level of competence as [President Joe Biden]. I would define her in a very similar matter that I define him" [July 9, 2024] "If [Biden] had picked someone even halfway competent they would have bounced him from office years ago, but they can't because she's gonna be their second choice" [July 9, 2024] "This monster that was onstage with Mike Pence, who destroyed her last night, by the way. I thought that wasn't even a contest last night. She was terrible. I don't think you could get worse. And totally unlikeable" [Oct. 8, 2020] "You know what, people don't like her. Nobody likes her. She could never be the first woman president. She could never be. That would be an insult to our country." [Sept. 8, 2020] "Very, very nasty … the meanest, the most horrible, most disrespectful of anybody in the U.S. Senate." [Aug. 11, 2020] On 2024 presidential candidate and GOP nomination rival Nikki Haley "Nimbra doesn't have what it takes" [Jan. 19, 2024] "Birdbrain doesn't have the TALENT or TEMPERAMENT to do the job" [Sept. 29, 2023] On former Transportation Secretary Elaine Chao "[GOP Senate Leader Mitch McConnell's] China loving wife, Coco Chao!" [Sept. 30, 2022] On "The View" co-host Sunny Hostin "That is one dumb woman. Sorry. I'm sorry, women, she's a dummy." [October 9, 2024] On Casey DeSantis, wife of 2024 presidential candidate and GOP nomination rival Ron DeSantis "I know more about him than anybody other than perhaps his wife, who is really running his campaign" [Nov. 8, 2022] On House Speaker Emerita Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-Cali) "She's turned on him like a dog. She's as crazy as a bed bug" [July 20, 2024] "We'll stand up to crazy Nancy Pelosi, who ruined San Francisco — how's her husband doing, anybody know?" [September 29, 2023] On Democratic Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez "This is not even a smart person, other than she's got a good line of stuff. I mean, she goes out and she yaps." [Aug. 14, 2020] On the #MeToo movement "It is a very scary time for young men in America, where you can be guilty of something you may not be guilty of. … Women are doing great." [Oct. 2, 2018] "You've got to deny, deny, deny and push back on these women. If you admit to anything and any culpability, then you're dead. … You've got to be strong. You've got to be aggressive. You've got to push back hard. You've got to deny anything that's said about you. Never admit." [Via Bob Woodward's Fear: Trump in the White House] On Omarosa Manigault Newman "A crazed, crying lowlife" and a "dog." [Aug. 14, 2018] On Democratic Rep. Maxine Waters "An extraordinarily low IQ person." [June 25, 2018] On Mika Brzezinski "I heard poorly rated @Morning_Joe speaks badly of me (don't watch anymore). Then how come low I.Q. Crazy Mika, along with Psycho Joe, came to Mar-a-Lago 3 nights in a row around New Year's Eve, and insisted on joining me. She was bleeding badly from a face-lift. I said no!" [June 29, 2017] On Hillary Clinton "Such a nasty woman." [Oct. 19, 2016] "If she were a man, I don't think she'd get 5 percent of the vote." [April 26, 2016] "If Hillary Clinton can't satisfy her husband, what makes her think she can satisfy America?" [April 16, 2015]

The list goes on.

This is the Heritage on full display at Bob Jones University in 2024.