#without mask on bc idk just
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blighted
#datv#dragon age#dragon age the viper#datv the viper#ashur dragon age#ashur vesperian#it's feels time again#for all the angsty needs#without mask on bc idk just
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i found more art from 2020! here’s a hamlet piece themed around some essay i wrote about something something him being torn into all different directions from authority figures’ expectations in his life and not truly being allowed to grieve or really Be Himself for a while, not while he was performing all these roles and wishes of others and subject to the expectations of being a Prince and being expected to have Gotten Over It already something something
#i havent read the essay in three years i have no idea if that was the point i was tryijg to make but it was what i remember lol#im not normal about hamlet#hamlet#shakespeare#my art#old art#2020 art#procreate#queue#the figures depicted in red r gertrude king hamlet and claudius#from being told ‘hey stop being sad abt ur dad who died just a few months ago’ to ‘avenge me by killing my asshole brother’#thinking also how he is sort of . safe to be himself without judgment when hes w horatio bc hamlet puts on a mask around the other chars#idk i need to reread hamlet again fr#starfallsoup
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obligatory black mask redesign except i only changed like one thing and im not sure i like the final result
inspo for this btw
#shoutout to hypogriffin i stole their teeth GO LOOK AT THE ART ITS GREAT#i just took the teeth though dfgfr#might do another pass at this sometime idk#anyways some notes on this!!#biggest change i think is the color scheme#i think the red and black is better for this outfit? though the black is blue tinted for fun contrast#<- i wanted this so a: hed match with joker bc of their two sides of the same coin thing#b: he would keep some element of the prince outfit (the red!)#and c: i am a huge fan of very limited palettes in designs sorry. im addicted to giving every character like 3 main colors max#and in this case its black darker black and red#the teeth on the top are red to resemble loki!#also i know some people really hate the stripes BUT I LIKE THEM#again i like that his outfit sorta resembles loki in that way#you cant see it here but the cape is that sorta upside down v shape it is in his prince outfit#so it can a: resemble bird wings and b: again resemble the prince outfit#also i cut the helmet because i dont like drawing it! i already draw this outfit without the helmet though so thats not exactly big#otherwise? i actually am a fan of this outfit normally#but black mask redesigns are a fandom staple i simply must#anyways uhhh art tags now#doodles#persona 5#goro akechi
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ART DUMP OF THE HEART PIRATES!!! <3
PENGUIN & IKKAKU. “two of the twenty heart pirates members.”
TRAFALGAR D. WATER LAW. “the boy with the bighorn sheep skull”
#thedemises; one piece#thedemises; art#one piece#heart pirates#trafalgar d. water law#trafalgar d. law#trafalgar law#penguin one piece#ikkaku one piece#women are rlly hard to draw without making them look too weird - mainly their bodies and breasts#HANDS ARE A PAIN TO TRY AND SKETCH AND DRAW#idk why i chose law when i was drawing the bighorn sheep skull (bc the skull caught my interest when i saw it on pinterest)#but there you have it#law - bloodied up - with a sheep skull mask#( blood is difficult to draw too :[[ )#i think penguin might just be my favorite op character to draw now eheh#since he's easier to picture and sketch since his design isn't that complex#except when it comes to the body suit that all the heart pirates wear#ughh my wrist ow... my head#i think i have a headache#damn it#(i chose to refer to law as 'boy' bc he looks like he's wearing the uniform that make japanese students wear and he looks a bit younger -#minus the goatee - than i intended)#law is like a japanese rumor you hear from others that he's some spirit in the backyard of a school with a sheep skull#bloodied - head to toe - too#emo
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Okay real shit, how does Scarab's face work? For that matter, his voice? Because his "normal" voice is only present when his mask is on, otherwise its more of a squawk.
But ALSO when his mask is half on, half off, his voice is "normal" and not wonky, so... maybe its all just his own will?
#okay but also#since he can chabge his body at will#maybe he just.... doesnt have a face as im thinking of it#and all faces are easily interchangeable/the same#its just a matter of what form he likes most#thinking this bc of when his mask is half on/off and his voice is still#however#this doesnt explain why he seems to be much more unhinged without the mask#almost like it has his brain or is his sapiency#idk#scarab#fionna and cake#adventure time fionna and cake#scarab fionna and cake#scarab adventure time#adventure time scarab
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I'm being so fr rn when I say that binding the veil to himself is very far from a good end for Solas -- and don't you fucking @ me with that redemption bullshit. He's a person who chronically cuts off pieces of himself for the benefit of the people he cares about, and you're asking him to not only do so again [when he arguably has almost nothing left to cut off] bc the best he could do to keep the world from being plagued to death didn't end up being a good long term option ( I remind you again that the veil was failing even before he woke up, and note that doing some fucked up shit to a handful of people to try and prevent as much global devastation as he can is in no way equivalent to being put in isolation in a prison of mental torment until the veil eventually falls apart ) but also it literally doesn't fix anything???
Solas isn't innocent but like why are we acting like adding to his psychological torment is a good thing. Especially when he'll flat out tell the Inquisitor that he 100% doesn't expect to survive dealing with the Evanuris / veil issue in the first place.
#buy my silence. for $8000 a month i will stop // ooc post.#death is only the end if you assume the story is about you // headcanon.#da:vg spoilers#// suicide implication#Juuust in case#Bc tbfh VG proves that him dying in the effort is in no way necessary#Yes it's always going to be the choice he picks#Bc his refusal to trust anyone else is vm a fatal flaw of his#But like. Rook vm got that shit done without dying#Man needs genuine help not being put in isolation#Idk I had an inkling of that fact years ago#But now that I'm actually better medicated and farther along with my therapy??#His behavior really just screams that to me#Bc when you're in you're in your worst spots of depression#( to say nothing of the survivor's guilt + ptsd )#You really do be out there thinking people don't care and can't be trusted anyway#So it's better to just isolate yourself anyway#It's actually so sad to me too bc he has such a vibrant and loving and loyal personality#But specifically only if he's masking or if you can actually start to help him out of the pit#Aaaaanywayyyy I'm going to go focus on computers being destroyed or else I'm gonna cry fjkfsjk
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head in my hands not me wanting to skip my classes. ITS WEEK TWO
#in my defense i might have covid#ive been masked up 24/7 windows in my dorm open etc for everyone else but if i've got it i've got it#but as shit as i feel as ass as i feel my symptoms aren't covid-y#headache and fatigue are symptoms but they're also symptoms i experience all the time anyway yk#which is probably super normal#but i feel like i'd collapse if i tried to go to all three of em back to back#in no small part bc the gap between them is so short and im already kinda prone to getting out of breath WITHOUT a mask#but i also skip classes bc of that all the time so idk#but also i DID collapse in class last semester so. ?????#but i feel like if i ate smth i'd be good like it's combo little sleep + no food but i don't have time for it before class#ughh whatever im just gonna send an email fuck it. im being courteous (<- very much self-motivated here)#staying home when uou feel like shit isn't selfish stayung home when yuu feel like shit isn't selfish stayi#etc etc#but do i skip my japanese class. bc i kinda wanna go to that one. ugh no if i am sick that's the worst one to be in
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Also in the replies of the Steph concept art on twitter announcing she was gonna be in a new project at DC (posted by Travis Mercer), there were at least 3 comments saying "will Tim be there?" I don't care how hard you ship timsteph I'm exploding you with my eyeballs if you do that on my girls post again
#ramblings of a lunatic#taking a step back to acknowledge that my stanning may be getting overzealous#but then again I'm not in ppls quotes or replies I'm vagueing on an entirely different website with no relevant tags. it could be worse#anyway I know tims had it rough these past couple of months ever since zdarsky shifted focus of the batman title to have less tim#but it still feels. idk. just a wee bit uninspired to act like steph can't go two steps without tim being behind her#im ngl i like timsteph when they're cute but timsteph twitter has been. pissing me off a tad lately#the refusal to acknowledge the sexism in dixons robin run and how it impacts stephs writing and their relationships writing#the refusal to acknowledge tims occasional condescension and hypocrisy when it comes to stephs vigilantism#seemingly only wanting her to be spoiler when he wants her around and telling her to give it up most of the time#also the constant disrespect of stephs batgirl era on there weirdly enough?#I've harped on about this on main and in drafts but despite it's flaws it's a good turn for stephs character#she's the focus she gets development (an upward trajectory! which had previously been unheard of for her! bc she did have flaws as spoiler-#-its just that both writers and characters alike seemed to arbitrarily decide she didn't have the capacity to grow past them! but she did!)#hell i saw a BIZARRE take today i just have to bitch about#which was them saying that Batgirl was a ''heteronormative mask'' steph put on#with spoiler being her more authentic self (and this being paralleled to gender expression with stephs isolation from the batfam as spoiler-#-showing how she ''wasnt like them'')#which. I'm not denying you the view that spoiler has a certain genderific swag to her but the needless dragging of her batgirl persona#steph got treated badly as spoiler bc she was A Girl. it's genuinely that simple dixon felt batman and robin would never stand for a girl-#-running around doing the things they did and would need to chivalrously stop her. he's gone on record saying this#she's constantly getting belittled by mostly men (cass also dismisses her but it feels distinctly less gendered)#and in the end it's barbara who learns to give steph a second chance despite her mistakes and they have a positive relationship#something ppl are quick to dismiss as being in and of itself sexist bc they're pairing the two girls off together#as if batgirl isn't a legacy and as if babs and steph don't have parallels in their resilience and refusal to accept when ppl tell them no#for better and for worse!!#like. idk how you took the strongest feminist element in that comic (bc there are elements of sexism here and there! 2009 n all)#and somehow turn it into ''heteronormativity'' YOU PPL ARE JUST SAYING WORDS AT THIS POINT!!!#anyway. someone take away my internet access
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Oh yeah I meant to. Fucking. Post this. Well here!!!! BEFORE I GET DISTRACTED AGAIN
+ Close ups and text descriptions! (May have to view them in photo viewer for full effect 🫡)
(the flow is supposed to be Sharena -> Peony -> Triandra -> Triandra/Lif but. The crops couldn't accommodate this LMFAOOO)
#fire emblem#feh#also something something about how lif wears a mask that covers his mouth. has some weight here in this context 👁️👁️#but also i've been trying to figure out how he looks without the mask bc i do wholeheartedly agree w the hcs of#him losing his lower face in some way. i REALLY wanna figure out how i wanna portray that.#to me. lif just isn't fun or interesting UNLESS if you get a little freaky about it. some horror elements. ect.#ANYWAYS this is a really interesting exercise bc i do try to avoid making faces feel samey#(i do try to extend this to body types as well but idk how well i do 💔)#but the thing about peony and sharena is they HAVE to look the same. that IS the premise i'm working with.#plus also i'd like to tie in some elements that mirror alfonse in triandra's traits. obvs not one to one. but.#i want to capture that each do look like the sibling of their little sisters!!! so some traits may overlap.#and also. me when there's parallels 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥#fe alfonse#sharena#fe henriette#fe triandra#fe lif#my art
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hi. so i had some uhhh. thoughts that i needed to write out.
basis for this uh. one shot is a headcanon i have for how the fierce deity's mask works. basically, if a wearer can withstand the deity's power, their soul starts to become intertwined with the deity's, until the two are indistinguishable from one another. in other words, the wearer becomes a vessel for the fierce deity.
(i tend to headcanon fd as morally grey/true neutral. they tend to work for themself and in their own best interest)
(um. sorry if this makes no sense? i kind of just wanted to write about this specific thing)
(tw for mentioned death and war, as well as talk of dissociation/losing time)
The mask seemed to call to Link as he held it in his hand, weighing his options.
At first, the mask had been nothing more than an aid. Emergencies only, he told himself after Majora was gone, trapped back inside their mask. The power of the Fierce Deity’s mask scared Link, back then. He wanted nothing more to do with it than what had already come to pass.
But, it would not stay that way. Emergencies came, and went, and Link found himself loosening his definition of an “emergency.” He ate less, slept less, and yet he felt stronger than ever. He used the Deity’s power more and more, just to make things easier on himself. It wasn’t lost on him that the marks that had begun to fade had etched themselves back onto his face, brighter than ever before. As of late, Link no longer recognized the man staring at him when he looked in his own reflection.
The blank eyes of the Fierce Deity’s mask looked up at Link, taunting him. If he kept wearing the mask, how much longer would it be before he lost himself in the Deity’s power? Would he keep living, a vessel for this forgotten god, or would he drop dead in the middle of Hyrule Field, for all to see?
Ganondorf’s war raged around him. Countless dead and dismembered lie across the grass, their blood turning verdant green to vibrant, vicious red. He could turn the tides of this war in an instant. Emboldened by the deity’s power, he could fight his way to Ganondorf and stop him where he stood, once and for all. But Link hesitated.
The Deity is dangerous. He’d known it ever since he first laid eyes on the mask and held it in his hands. He swore, after losing a month with the Deity last time, that there would be no more. The Deity is harmless inside of its mask. If Link kept it safe, it wouldn’t hurt anyone else. Besides, who would be able to stop them if his soul merged with the Deity’s once and for all? Would they even need to be stopped? The Deity is a war god after all, but not cruel. It was never cruel.
The sound of a horn across the field snapped Link to attention. It was foolish, he knew, to waste so much time lost in thought on the battlefield. He had run out. Ganondorf was here.
Link took a deep breath, his decision made.
He raised the mask to his face, one last time
#legend of zelda#ocarina of time#majora's mask#yeah this isn't. its not fierce dadity i'm sorry#link is right here tho. fd ISNT cruel at all. but they do work in their own best interests and not in link's or anyone else's#link knows this too#the mask isn't a vessel it's more like a container#and fd no longer has a physical form thanks to majora 🙃#its been so long and its late so i forgor my own lore rippp)#if if's not clear this is like. not long before ganondorf's execution cutscene in twilight princess#idk what happens to link. SOMETHING happens that's for sure#that takes him from the fd to the hero's shade#this isn't a proper au either aidjskdjdj this is just. it's a oneshot. a standalone#🤷🏼 my actual au has it very different for mask too. like she has the same 'emergencies only' clause except she takes it very seriously#bc she remembers NONE of the majora fight thanks to fd (well. none after she actually put on the mask)#(fae got to phase two and yeah. majora fight without fd mask is BRUTAL)#hi sorry i love mm can you tell
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saw a tiktok of a guy saying as an autistic person all of his best friends and people he instantly clicked with have been people with adhd............all of my best friends have had adhd.......
#am i autistic???#how did i get to age 24 and no one ever said anything to me abt it#howd the schools miss it?#or maybe im not idk#sure feels like it sometimes tho#like big relate to all the late diagnosed high masking women who talk abt their experiences#diagnosis is so expensive tho and like if its a yes what do i even do with that what difference will it make#snd if its a no ugh what a waste of money#not an aro post today guys sorry just#rethinking my childhood a lil#autism#adhd#audhd#women with autism#any advice on figuring out if this could be me is much appreciated#tho also i suppose ppl without autism dont spend so much of their time wondering if they have autism#but i also !!#really dont want to be one of those people who just think they're autistic bc they saw some tiktoks bc ik theres a lot of misinformation#but like especially when im tired or burnt out i feel like i see myself showing symptoms so bad#but when im well rested and not stressed i dont think i do?? or not as much??#but maybe thats masking??#idk guys im so confused
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I had family from out of state visiting who I was really excited to see and it was awesome to see them but it was also frustrating bc it illustrates to me just how inherently isolating being autistic could be. Even with family who know I’m autistic and are accepting I can only be in big groups for so long before I become disregulated and can’t fully keep up with conversations that aren’t directly about my interests, and after another hour or two I can’t even do that, and my sensory issues start to cause physical pain. And it just sucks bc I don’t get to see them very often and I wanted to be able to spend more time with them. (And I’m at a better place with coping and regulating than I have been in years to the point that my family was impressed with how much I could be there!) idk something something when your disability is disabling
#like it was my cousins engagement party and she had a bunch of her friends from out of state.. and they’re all cool artists#and I wish I could have talked to them more but I just can’t be in a large group without getting super out of it really fast..#so I constantly have to balance to make sure I can spend as much time with ppl as possible without becoming so overwhelmed I become#unable to function. and it’s like this all the time and bc I’ve gotten good at regulating ppl minimize how much my autism affects me.. like#like I do so much to stay regulated enough that I can at least mask my tone.. and when I can’t people think I’m mad at them#idk it’s just. there is no version of me separate from autism and sometimes I’m proud of being autistic but sometimes the ways it makes#everything I do harder wears down at me.. and bc I put so much effort into masking ppl say things pro minimize how much it affects me#rain rambles
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i never understood people who go on anon just to rip on people like okay??? the only thing you’ve showed me is that you’re a coward lmao
#like i go through blogs that i really like and see the person be shat on for either physical appearance or what they’re into but the hate is#*always by someone anonymous#like tbh if you wanna shit on people the least you could do is do it without a mask on like damn#also the anons who just use anonymous to harass people#like idk i’ve seen things on here with cosplayers who have gotten really odd asks by anons like just bc it’s a person in a costume doesn’t#*mean that they aren’t still a person like#i feel really bad for the people who end up going through this#like just bc you’re on anon doesn’t meab people don’t see your asks and it really just makes you cowardly and shows you can’t face som#*someone and voice your opinions#like idk i haven’t gotten many hate anons and i usually don’t answer them unless they’re actually nasty#but like come at me off anon like cmon#and i’ve seen creators on here getting harassed and shat on all the time and it’s always an anon like that’s the only thing abt other socia#media platforms that i like#like i like the anon feature but the fact that 99% of the hate comes from anons is super funny like okay?? what was your goal here lmao#skipper rants#rant#anons#hate anon
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oh also shes straight
#and the part of me thats empty hopeless and constantly passively suicidal scores a goal!#a win for the agony within!#a loss for whimsy hope and serenity and the part of the me that is trying to heal and move forward without the weight of it all defining me.#it's like. im not surprised. why did i have expectations#why did i hope. i shouldnt hope. im so stupid. i shouldnt hope i should know better than that. im scarily lacking substance. im a shell#im a puppet. i cant form lasting relationships im an actor im a liar it would've never worked anyway#-> me going insane in real time#-> i sound so dramatic like go watch txt to do and chill out maybe ⁉️#idk lol 😐#im not giving up bc she said we should hang out again and friendship is always an option and she already#knows too much about me at this point so it's too late to back out#here is to befriending her for the sake of allowing myself to exist imperfectly and for the sake of hanging out with someone every week for#funsies and nothing else. we dont need to have some grand connection. she doesn't need to have a crush on me. we can just be#on campus buddies#we can meet during the summer at some points too maybe#idk. idk i want to disappear i think bc i really feel like i embarrassed myself by being so open about my insecurities#i should've put on the mask i usually wear#but i didnt#and everything thats pathetic about me was on full display#i don't know. god. i dont know#what matters is i made her smile a few times. my unnecessary commentary got a laugh out of her a few times too#the world is still spinning#the air was refreshingly chilly on my way home today#i got rained on and came to class looking beautiful despite my carefully slicked back hair falling into my eyes#my spanish professor agreed with my thoughts on the text we were analysing#z.post
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ranking my favorite horror villains by who would piss off my strict Asian family members the most if I brought them home for dinner
the answer is All of Them bc I haven’t finished school yet
#noises from the attic#I’m half asleep I could do this tho#I’m thinking of this bc iirc bloody brahms had some headcanons abt slashers meeting y/n’s big Italian family#I don’t rly talk to the other side of my family so idk what they’d think#Winslow would be fine but he’d start a fight with anyone who says art is not a ‘real job’#bubba would make an off impression bc he can’t talk and he’d be shy without a mask#but I think like he’d be super helpful and polite and kids would love him#Beauregard……….#I think he could Be Normal for once lmao#dude might need a primer on some stuff but I think he’d love to shoot the shit with some old uncles#catch him taking shots of Hennessy and stuff#I think Bo would just love going to family functions / parties where they have a whole roast pig n such. bubba ofc for the pork as well#maybe I’ll put this shit not in the tags next time
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I'm so scares of the volunteer roles due to lack of confidence 🫠
So the food serving thingy has two roles: cooking/prepping food, and writing orders and keeping track of who got food.
The first I'm not very confident in but would like to try eventually. The second one is compared to another kind of volunteer role, which is greeting ppls at the food bank and maybe serving stuff if requested and just helping ppl out in front of the building/outside. It says strong customer service skills are necessary for the role as well as being able to work with a diverse amount of ppl 🥺
And I would wanna do that if it's similar to the other one if it'll help me out, since the food serving thing is only two other ppl helping out the manager. But I have no experience with customer service and my social skills are SHOT! Also de-escalation and understanding of trauma are mentioned as helpful for the role 🥲 Idk if I'm good with de-escalation, best I could do was my family and even then they RLLY liked to NOT LISTEN to me when I gave em advice to calm down (like separating physically while they were both pissed off--I swear mom was rlly immature about it when I was trying to help my bro because HE IS A CHILD!!). And trauma. I mean I have *experience* but do I know how to handle **others** with trauma? No, no not rlly 🥲
Hhhhhh telling myself I just need to jump into it. Doesn't help that I watched a bartending video thing. Sink or swim. I'm so scared of sinking ;-; I'm scared of if they see me as pathetic and useless despite it being a volunteer thing!!
Fuck I just need to like. Work on the days that they're not serving ppl, not open to the public. So 3 specific days. And then I need to go from that to working on days that ARE busy, but I'm still not interacting with the public public yet. And then I need to ease into working with the public via the front of house roles. And then I can do whatever I want at that point ig-
God I want to start doing stuff now but I can't because I haven't been told if I need to do anything specific 🥺 I have shifts scheduled for after the event, bc it's in a week, and that's for the one role I feel like is probably rlly easy? Probably? And I just. Hhhh. The most info I have actually comes from a training video for a semi-unrelated role, bc it shows what I assume is made/left by the role I signed up for?
Hhhhh a lot. A lot is going on rn. A lot of serious planning and preparation and I'm trying really hard to not be a tight little ball of rubber bands (incredibly stressed out) about it. But it's hard not to. Especially when half of my stress comes from my roommate(s).
Fuck I just. Need to wait. Because that's what EVERYONE says. That things take time. I just need to wait for the time to do these things. Wait.
As if that hasn't been detrimental to me my entire life.
#sepiasys.txt#I'm so so so scared man I need. I need to like. choose other roles TwT As much as I/we RLLY wanna work with ppls; we need to get USED to#other people FIRST. Its hard to deal with other people as someone who is autistic and was shut in 24/7 (not entirely by choice until it was)#Back of house to front of house to hot food. It sounds so simple but it's really not. and I have to walk there in shitty shoes but its. fine#Study study study study I need to study the training videos again again again again#AAAAAGH I hate this I hate society I hate life and existing like a normal person BECAUSE I'M NOT T-T#But it's so easy to mask It's so easy to feel like I've never been stressed out or anxious at all when I'm there because that's always how#it goes with me. Going to a new therapist? Anxious bc alone. Actual therapy? fine. good even maybe. go home? decompress.#Going to a job interview? Jittery and nervous and pissed off and everything. Actually doing it? Jittery in one place but otherwise perfectly#fine! atleast emotionally. Ig. idk. AFTER interview? Go home and try to calm down and chill out w/a reward for myself to help.#It's always fine DURING and I try to tell myself that. Try to say remember that I'm in the moment!! And IN THE MOMENT things turn fine!!#But it doesn't really rid me of my anxiety. It just gets. blocked out. I would say masked but I genuinely feel it at minimal levels to zero#God why do I have to be built like this why is this how I function why does the rubber bands just get thrown into a box while we play w/smth#else temporarily before pulling the rubber bands out again? Why do I we have to be anxious and stressed until we're not and just#Why do emotions have to be so fucking stupid and weird and like a fucking light switch all the time#I FUCKING HATE THIS I HATE NORMAL PEOPLE I HATE THIS STUPID SOCIETY WE LIVE IN SO MUCH AND I JUST WISH I COULD STAY ALIVE AND EVEN LIVE#WITHOUT HAVING TO DO ALL THE STUPID SHIT YOU'RE EXPECTED TO DO AND EVEN SHAMED FOR NOT DOING OR NOT BEING ABLE TO DO#I hate it so much. God I want to fucking die in a HOLE. I'm so tired of this shit (I'm not 🦊 I'm just. crashing out? Idk but I'm like. havin#g a bad time and it's just kinda like lashing out in my depression spiral or whatever this is. idk. If u saw me physically you'd see how#depressed I look/feel. (and maybe empty too bc yk. But still).#OK RANT OVER I'm gonna go draw something :3 Or maybe try and figure out what was written from before (IW) even if it doesn't end up working
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