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the-red-thread-that-strangles · 8 months ago

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You know the drill. Some unstructured thoughts about All Hallow's Eve in the literal grim reaper Akai!AU

Halloween, the night of the living dead. Rei would call it Westerner nonsense, dismiss it in favour of Obon, if he couldn't feel the veil growing thinner.

He is sensitive to death on a good day, and that night is simply the worst. It's easy now, to hear their calls - they haunt and taunt him, those he lost, beckoning for him to join them. Akemi and Date. Matsuda. Hagiwara. Elena. Mother.

In a way, it is worse that he can't hear the one voice he's missing the most: Hiro's.

Each year, Rei holes himself up in his room and stares at the fading photographs; each year, it gets harder to recall the joy that once filled them during his vigil. Maybe he shouldn't have asked for Death to come back into his life; Akai is quiet, and the dead only seem louder by comparison. It's only a matter of time until they catch up with him.

And if he's bridging the gap, one bottle of scotch at a time, who could blame him? Just Death himself, and really, who is He to talk.

(Rei tries not to think about the young woman in his contact list who left him on read.)

A knock at the door interrupts his musings.

At this hour of night, it's probably Kazami; no one else would dare bother him. And on his day off, too - it must be important. Rei grabs his gun and coat, ready to head out.

He's greeted instead by an unexpected sight.

For all the time he's known him, Akai has always appeared in inconspicuous, everyday clothes. If one doesn't look too hard, he blends in, whatever the scenario. Tonight, though, he wears an all-black suit, a red rose pinned over his heart. A candle burns in a small glass lantern, radiating warmth.

The porcelain mask can't obscure his identity, not to Rei.

"Why are you here?" The eerie chill of death that usually accompanies Akai is missing. Rei checks himself - no burning, stinging, numbness, not any of the usual signs of being close to death. The hallway is empty, quiet, too - no shrieks of bloody murder, gunshots, crying.

Just the same cool quiet that follows Akai, in the moments after.

"Let's just say that tonight is a special occasion."

Rei crosses his arms. There's no need to invite Akai in; if he wanted to be, he would've stepped inside between two blinks. "Oh? Have you finally changed your mind and come to claim me?"

He knows better than to get his hopes up, but just for a moment, his breathing stills, the pull to Akai intensified. Then, his traitorous heart continues to beat the countdown to the inevitable.

He can't see behind the mask, but he can hear the same old wistfulness in Akai's voice. "Of course not. Please stop asking for what I cannot give you."

Rei has half a mind to slam the door in his face. This is a waste of time.

"I was simply close-by, and wanted to try out a custom I heard about." Akai straightens, coughs, and then, with a certain innocence, asks: "Trick or treat?"

He extends a gloved hand, expectantly.

Rei blinks. He feels just a little bad for having to squash Akai's enthusiasm immediately; it's not like he has many others he could ask that question. "I have no treats to give you, and you can't play tricks on me." At least that's what he hopes. Maybe all of this is a trick, already. He doesn't think he drank that much, but usually, Akai doesn't show up until he has.

"Ah, but you could treat me." Akai takes his silence as a cue to continue. "Would you care to accompany me, for a night?"

A shiver runs down Rei's spine. Follow Akai even deeper into blood-stained misery? One day, he'll surely be numb to the suffering of humanity; unfortunately, or perhaps thankfully, today is not that day.

And hopefully, it won't be any time soon.

"I would rather not. I think I've seen enough of your" - our - "work."

Akai's shoulders slump. The candle flickers, fought by unseen winds.

"My goal for the night is something different. I promise that no harm would come to you - body, mind and soul. Cross my heart and hope to die."

Against his better judgement, Rei is forced to smile - a useless promise, from Death himself. Admittedly, he is curious about how that would work out. But if Akai were to disappear from his life again, Rei would really rather die. Death is a poor excuse for a friend, but at least he's reliable.

"Is this a ploy to get rid of me?"

Akai does him the favour of flinching - whatever his true emotions are, if he can even have them at all, they remain looked behind the mask. "No. I simply thought your skills would be most useful. There's a lot of struggling lost souls around, tonight. Not all of them know that they are, but they still require guidance."

Now that piques Rei's interest. "I could be meeting the dead, with you?"

Akai merely shrugs. "The living. The dead. The ones lost in-between. There's very little difference, tonight."

Hm. If there's any chance at all he might get to see the ones he loves again, this might be it. Besides, if it's to help others, he can't very well decline, either - it feels like forever ago that he swore an oath to his country, but it glimmers within him, still. What difference is there between going out to fight crime with Kazami, or picking up the pieces with Akai?

"Fine. I'm coming with you."

Not in the way he really wants, but it's a start. He'll need to be patient.

It's insanity to trust the words of Death; but Akai has proven himself time and time again, through some of the worst times in Rei's life. For better as well as for worse, Rei knows he means him no harm. And if he did, well, that would only suit Rei just fine.

He takes Akai's hand. Even through the thick leather glove, the familiar cool spreads through his arm, into his core. It nestles in his chest, slows his heartbeat to a crawl, but Rei is not afraid. He's hated Death, screamed at him, fought him. But never once has he feared the reaper.

At the corners of the mask, he thinks he sees Akai smile.

They walk like ghosts among the bustling city streets. People get out of Akai's way - if he had to guess, Rei would suspect they can instinctively sense something inhuman moving about, and try to avert their eyes, hoping to escape without the beast noticing. He's never walked the city as unimpeded as he does now, trailing in Akai's wake. The feverish enthusiasm pulsing through the city at night fails to excite his heart.

It quickly becomes apparent why Akai asked for his help. There's a certain difficulty involved in trying to guide lost souls when they can't see him, or actively avoid him. Granted, there's some that are susceptible, but he's not nearly as solid to them as he is to Rei. It's just easier for him to do the talking.

Some of the souls are simple enough to deal with; give a young man some change so he can take a train home and see his family. Let a foreigner know where to find their hotel. Others, not so much.

The little girl might look up at Akai in wide-eyed innocence, too young to have learnt to fear Death, but her smile doesn't tell them where she's from. It's simple enough for Rei to look up the local missing persons cases and figure out her address. His badge provides them with cover for bringing her back to her family. Akai squeezes her little hand, once, and then she's off, suddenly unable to hold back her tears, as she huddles into her father's legs.

The parents thank Rei profusely. It feels improper, to take all the credit when he wouldn't even have known where to look if it wasn't for Akai. But there's simply no way he can tell them that Death was the one who found her and brought her home. It would just scare them needlessly.

The smile painted onto the porcelain mask will have to be enough, for Rei.

Akai makes sure to accommodate Rei; he takes doors and stairs where he normally wouldn't, walks with him instead of just appearing as he pleases.

They lock doors so people don't get lost in the first place, and guide those lost in the dark by the light of Akai's lantern, so they may find their way back home safely. Despite for how long they walk, the candle never seems to get smaller.

Through every interaction, Akai walks quietly by his side. He's clearly driven from target to target, but rather hands-off when it comes to actually handling them.

"I don't recall you being this lazy", Rei grumbles after making sure an old lady has reached her nephew's home safely. Nobody should be alone, tonight, if they can help it. Especially not the vulnerable demographics, the young and the elderly.

"I could help them", Death says quietly, sombrely. "But your solutions are preferable."

The cheeky retort dies on Rei's lips, and he hurries to stay in the light of Akai's lantern.

None of the souls they meet seem particularly dead, to Rei. It's possible Akai lied to him - though he has never done so, before - or that, for the sake of his promise, he's keeping them away from the ones that would be too dangerous. Or maybe Rei simply can't tell the dead apart from the living, anymore. It wouldn't surprise him.

There's mercifully few brushes with death, though they seem unavoidable in Akai's company.

Rei keeps telling himself that it's not Akai's fault people want to die - he knows this, both rationally and from first-hand experience.

But it still hits too close to home, when a middle-aged businessman tries to jump off a building. Before he really registers it, Rei sprints up the stairs; it's not Hiro, he's many years too late to help his friend, but he can't help himself. He's projecting; his frantic pleading isn't for this man he doesn't know, but for the ghost he can't hear, anymore.

Rei's still shaking, long after the man has climbed back over the fence and started to make his way home. The direct way down seems so much simpler than bothering with the stairs. His knees give with relief. He did it.

Oblivion calls, and Rei...Rei...

"Rei." Cool hands pull him back against something sturdier than the fence. "Please don't run off on your own. You're making it rather difficult to keep my word."

That's funny. If he didn't know any better, Rei would think Akai is struggling to breathe - but that's not possible, death can't be out of breath. It must simply be Rei's own ragged breathing that he's projecting onto Akai. The overflow of sensations is difficult to sort out; Akai's chill only creeps in slowly.

One by one his thoughts wink out, lights and sounds muted until there's nothing left but Akai's soothing presence. Of course, that's when he's let go. Akai helps him back over the fence, one hand held up galantly.

Even after he's back from the edge, Rei continues to hold on to his hand.

Akai makes sure he grabs something to eat - when did Rei last have dinner? Who knows.

Akai steers them clear of people, into more abandoned places. They switch to visiting graveyards - what leads Akai to the particular graves he visits, he doesn't say. Rei still makes it a point to memorize them; maybe they will grant him further insight into the reaper.

Rei wonders if Akai can even pray - is there anyone who would listen, to something like him? Then again, it's also not clear whether the dead would listen to Rei, so all they can do is try and hope for the best.

He wasn't planning to do so, but Rei ends up visiting his friends' graves. Somehow, they're always close-by to the ones Akai seems drawn to. He can't spend as much time with each of them as he would like to, as they deserve. It's painful to really reminisce about them, even as Akai is by his side and all pain is dulled. Maybe it's because death is the source of his pain, that Akai can't help him.

Still, with each grave visited, Rei's head gets clearer, the voices that taunt him quieter. The air smells of cigarettes and autumn leaves. He's not forgotten them, but maybe they needed a sign that he still remembers them. Maybe he needed it, instead.

Of course he does. He could never stop loving them.

The porcelain mask smiles at him.

Compared to the icy fog that cloaks their way on the way back, Akai's hand seems almost warm in his. It's probably only an illusion of warmth, though, reflected off the lantern.

His legs should hurt, he thinks, judging by the distance they have covered. Instead, they're merely pleasantly numb. Will feeling return to them tomorrow? Would it matter if it didn't, if he gets to spend as much time as he can, with Akai?

"I have a treat for you as well."

Somehow, Akai leads him back home, safe and sound. He sets down the lantern in the entryway, as if that's the end of his night, too.

Rei is glad he went with him; it may have only been small things, but they clearly made a difference to those they talked to. He'll do whatever he needs to, save the world over and over again. But there's a joy in the mundane, and the little things add up to.

Maybe he should start working in café Poirot again.

Rei has the distinct impression they're doing this whole thing wrong when Akai hands him the blood-red rose that was pinned to his suit. Then again, he's never bothered to pay much attention to these sorts of Western customs.

"I apologize. It was supposed to be white, to better suit you. But..."

He puts two fingers to his chest - they come away glistening wetly. Though the colour is indiscernible on the black leather gloves, it doesn't take a genius to guess what it is.

"Don't look at me like that, it barely hurts. And it was well worth the prize."

A wave of nausea sweeps over Rei. "That's not still-"

Akai shrugs. "It merely festers, tonight. Don't worry about it; by dawn, it will close again." For someone slowly bleeding out from a bullet wound, Akai is being way too nonchalant. Sure, he's already dead - but who knows what could still happen to him. Can he feel pain? It sure seems that way, sometimes. Akai seems way too mortal tonight. Maybe if the damage got too bad, he could die again?

Then there truly would be no one left at all that cares for Rei.

Rei drags Akai inside his flat roughly, shoves him onto a chair, and fetches his med kit. He takes off Akai's suit jacket and dress shirt, both sticky with blood. As he slides away the tie, Rei pretends he doesn't see the ligature marks around his neck; there's nothing he can do about those.

Blood seeps out of the bullet hole Rei left in anger; if it didn't hurt him just to look at it, he'd be impressed by his accuracy, even while drunk. A shot straight through the heart. He can't bear to see it any longer than necessary.

Akai lets him work as he pleases, merely watches him. Brilliant green from behind the mask.

It's somewhat strange to bandage the grim reaper, but Rei can't seem to think of a better idea to stop the bleeding. He hopes it will hold, and that Akai spoke the truth - there's very little time left until morning.

Rei needs to see that he'll be alright, won't let him go before that time.

Thankfully, Akai isn't leaving, either.

They sit side by side on Rei's bed, wordlessly watching the sun rise. Akai starts growing colder, his shallow breathing stills. The heartbeat that made him bleed stops, while his usual frostbite returns in full force. Rei is forced to let go of Akai's hand, lest he wants to lose his own.

Akai gets up. He takes off the bandage to reveal a scar over his heart. Not pretty, but not bleeding at least.

"It seems this is as much time as we are going to get." He takes off his mask. The same usual, melancholic smile greets Rei. Though there's a quirk of amusement to his lips as he adds: "And here I thought you didn't want to treat me."

Agitation still burns through Rei. "How could I not?" It was his fault, after all.

"As of tonight, we're even, Rei." A brush of cold against his temple, numbing all thought. "Rest well. I'll see you again."

The rose stains his bedside table red, as Rei succumbs to sleep.

#thought about this too late and then lost half my progress #but it's done in time #halloween #with the intention of #akam #this is the elisabeth!AU only I care about #literal grim reaper Akai #Elisabeth!AU #tw suicidality #relatively passive this time but still #iris writes things #long post

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