#with some people it's the classic 'i want him to like me soooo bad' and with others it's like

[faggotry-enjoyer]

guy who objectively has a very strong social network but is so so lonely

[misskingshit]

𝘚𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵𝘰𝘶𝘵 summary: where he has an interest in a certain pop singer, and he doesn't try to hide it. note: believe me or not i’ve been listening hip hop since Im like 15 y/o, soooo why not do an M&M’s fic?? Let me know if u want part 2! xoxo

The lyrics of Mr Eminem's new song being mostly about you? That was something you definitely didn't expect.

I get so weak on my knees

Lose all control

Damn, her silhouette

So hot

Fuck bein’ a gentleman

I'm going to fuck her instead

The red carpet at the Grammys has always been a dream for you, you had already won a couple of awards, today... you were excited to be the presenter of one of them.

Best Rap Album.

To say you were excited is an understatement.

You've loved this genre of music since you were a teenager, Tupac, Fifty, Snoop...to name the most classics.

The camera flashes were the only thing you saw, accompanied by many voices that stunned your ears just by hearing your name.

"Y/N! over here!" A reporter called you, without hesitation, you approached.

"Hey how are you?" you asked with a big smile.

"Incredible! How are you? I imagine you're very excited for tonight" he smiles.

"Don't even mention it! I can't wait to call the winner on stage!"

"Do you think Eminem is nominated? He's been on everyone's mouth lately with his latest song..."

Here we go.

"Yeah... well, I'm sure he'll be nominated, I mean, he's fucking Eminem, it would be like a sin if he wasn't, right?" You laughed a little awkwardly.

"What do you think about his last song, about his comments towards you? 50% of people are upset calling Eminem a degenerate..." you didn't let him finish speaking.

"Well...I really like him, I mean, I've always been his fan and it's an honor to be named in one of his songs. Plus I also think that...we all know how he's like, if you don't like his way to be, to think, to speak, the lyrics of his songs, just don't listen to it and that's it, problem solved, I don’t see the point in hating so much on something you can just...ignore" you laugh looking at the camera "Just take things more lightly, not everything is fighting and bad intentions."

You finished your conversation with said reporter and simply headed to your designated seat.

On the other hand, a certain blonde boy was also being attacked with questions regarding his controversial lyrics.

"She's here? Shit, I want to see her," the blonde rapper said, showing a small, very small, smile, turning his head around with the intention of catching some sign of the hot pop singer, you.

"Yes! In fact she will be the one to present the award for best rap album!"

"No shit! Damn man she's here" Em turned around and said to his best friend, Proof.

In a few minutes everyone finished settling into their seats and you both were surprised when you looked at each other, just a few seats away.

You were five seats to the right and three to the back, so you caught him every time he turned his head back a little to look and smile at you.

Until, soon...your moment had arrived, you got up from your seat to head backstage.

By the way, when you walked past the rapper, he didn't try to hide the fact that he couldn't take his eyes off you for even a second.

"And the Grammy goes to..." you created some tension "EMINEN!" You blurted out the name more excited than you should have.

The rapper's reaction might not have been very expressive normally, but he couldn't contain his smile when he knew who would be the one giving to him his award. The rapper and his friends got on stage and it was inevitable that you felt nervous as you watched him walk towards you, with a playful look, as if he knew what he generated in you.

"Congratulations," you whispered when he was close enough to you, taking the grammy as you felt the soft brush of his fingers against yours, he did it on purpose.

You didn't expect him to give you a hug.

"That's all I get?" He whispered back to you, keeping your faces close and your noses touching, his hands on your waist pulling you closer to him as if he didn't want to move away from you.

A great bustle from the public was heard, and it took them both out of the small cloud in which they were.

This was definitely going to stir the waters.

You both walked away, while you greeted and congratulated the rest of his friends (Proof winking at you in the process).

"Wow, shit, this is crazy, thank you so much to everyone who made the production of this album possible, Dr Dre, who always had my back, I will be forever grateful...and my god, damn, thanks to whoever the fuck is that put this beauty in that dress..." he turned to look at you and winked "Y/N Y/L/N ladies and gentlemen, the source of my inspiration for Heat Seeker"

Obviously, you blushed.

The entire audience was applauding, probably already starting to gossip among themselves about the little show between you and Eminem.

Like a gentleman he offered you his hand as he watched you walk down the steps of the stage with great caution. "Thank you," you whispered. “Any time” he smiles at you.

´Til the end of the awards you continued to connect glances from time to time, you also noticed how his friends bothered him every time he turned his head to look at you.

"Hey, Y/N! wait!" listen to yourself behind your back. "Hey," you looked at him softly, "whats up?" He shook his head quickly. "I just wanted to…I mean, normally I wouldn't give a shit, but, I wanted to make sure that the song didn't offend you, it wasn't to upset you…" You interrupted his attempt to apologies "Don't worry, I understand it was just the song, I didn't take it personally, actually, I loved it" you laughed. "You did? I'm glad you're not like the rest and laugh instead of being offended." His attempt to hide his smile failed completely.

It just slips away from him.

Just with you.

A few seconds of silence took over the situation, though it wasn't uncomfortable, your eyes connected and you didn't seem to realize that you had been staring at each other. "Uhm, I was about to go to my hotel," you pointed behind you, "I was gonna change for the afterparty."

"Can I go with you?" He asked you, but before you processed the fact that he wanted to go with you to your hotel, he interrupted your thoughts "I mean, just so then we can go to the party together, if you want" he scratched the back of his neck.

You didn't even need to think about it "Yeah, I would like that" you smiled.

The two of you walked together towards your limo, captured by several cameras, so neither of you doubted that tomorrow you would wake up to a bunch of articles about how Eminem and Y/N left the Grammy's together. But none of you care about it.

[strewwwberry]

I need a binggeyuan fic where it's post bingge vs bingmei, and it's the classic bingge goes searching for a sqq of his own finds sy yada yada

BUT

First of all, Time in this world isn't lagged behind or something

And second of all, The ONLY and BIGGEST difference between the sqq sy and china sy is that china sy IS STILL ALIVE

and we know that shen yuan died early 20's I like to headcanon he's around 21-22 when he died, it was like 3 years before immortal alliance conference and I think bingmei spent 3 years in the abyss so sy would be 27-28 and then plant coma happens for 5 years so svsss sy is still in like 27-28 mentally but technically is around 32-33

Soooo

STILL ALIVE SY WOULD BE 33 ISH

NOT OLD AND LIKE PEOPLE CAN OBSESS FOR YEARS BUT IT WOULD BE SO FUNNY IF SY THINKS OF PIDW AS A PHASE

LIKE THAT WOULD BE AMAZING (and honestly pretty in character like obsessing over something until it's squeezed dry and then moving on, sounds pretty sy to me, at least in my headcanons lmao)

oh yeah and the bingge shows up like

"I want you, love me"

And sy, with eyebags, scruffy but in like a "messy bun" way (not bad scruffy like serving cunt scruffy), maybe he has a job coz his parents threatened to cut him off if he continues to just leech off them past 25,

Is just sat there, on his laptop probably reading another webnivel like

"Wtf, why did some xianxia demon style guy show up in my room, you remind me of that guy from a novel phase I had 🤔ᴴᴹᴹᴹ"

Better again if he's like half way there to realizing he's gay, maybe he goes around and if someone asks he's like "pretty sure I'm bisexual? Is that what it's called? Yeah? Yeah okay"

You know, 13 years of obsessing over sexy men on the internet and having a younger sister who's in the know, and the addition of 2 older brothers who his meimei definitely coerced into nagging at sy, will probably get at least a little cog going ykyk

So yeah I need it.

I'mma just a spiral into my corner about this

I can't write so I'm just drawing my shitty little drawings of my little scrubklys

[loving-family-poll]

Omg we can send you weirdcest confessions? I have a little classic codependent dynamic with my younger brother which might tickle some people.

Soooo, I moved half way across the country many years ago because prior to that I had been sharing a 1 room apartment (a bed too but very kosher I promise, rent is just expensive) with my brother for years as I pushed him to finish highschool and start college classes and just looked out for him so that he didn't get lost in the shuffle when my parents divorced because he was the youngest.

The thing is that by the time he was an adult, I never wanted to give him up. Like, if we could go to old age as a duo, I would have been happy. I had a lot of angst that I wouldn't let him mature so I did something weird and dramatic - I moved the fuck across the country, pretty much dropped out of his life just when he had reached adulthood and left him.

It was kind of a stone cold thing to do, but I moved in with someone I was dating online and went through a whole relationship till that ended. On the other hand, it was none too soon because at that point he kept trying to share his porn collection with me and mentally I was like, dude, i know this trope, I invented it.

tbh he really missed me so much and vice versa. I think both of us experienced a level of loneliness we never would have felt if I hadn't just arbitrarily decided it was bad if I let us stay co-dependent. I don't really know if it was justified. The few times we visited each other over the years, we basically just cuddled and missed each other and moped about being sad.

But it worked? He stuck like glue to a large group of friends and even started dating one of them, the girl who would eventually become his fiance.

This woman. I hated her for years. I thought she was terrible for him. She was too attractive and too cool tempered and too intelligent, and I just thought she was going to break his heart eventually. But, somehow they worked out, and when I moved back to my hometown she lured me in like a scared alley cat by making me feel welcome in the gentlest of ways, never overwhelming, an introvert's overture to another introvert.

My brother and I used to mildly flirt with each other pretty often as a joke, and he still does, although I try not to encourage it. It's a little too on the nose, right? If you scratch me, I bleed incest fandom. But these days its usually his fiance making jokes that I should be the filling in a them sandwhich (sit between them) because they want to "share me" My brother's fiance is ace or I would be a lot more freaked out about that tbh. I think they just both like to make me blush, which I can't blame them for.

NGL, I think she is pleased to have achieved two brothers for the price of one.

I thank god she is ace, because she is a menace - in one afternoon she will ask me to lather her back with sunscreen, invite me to check out at her bottom (for ticks) and cheerfully command me to smack her boob (there was a fly,) all while my brother is there watching and laughing as I flounder in queer panic.

In a more concrete fashion, they want me to move in with them when they buy their house and cosign on it and everything. So I guess I am getting what I wanted, but it's a trio instead of a duo.

Bruh I think they want to fuck you

[localfanbaselurker]

I’m watching Voltron: Legendary Defender for the first time and here is what I have had to say per each season (this is 1-2) (3-4) (5-6) (7) (8)

Pre-Watch Knowledge

->big transformers type robot

->pretty alien girl that looks like princess yue from A:tLA

->they are the epitome of color-coded characters

->space??

->there was crazy people in the fanbase that sent cupcakes laced with something to the creators

->queer baiting (this one in particular got me)

->klance.

->^honestly I only knew that because people were comparing it to zukka and I wanted to check it out

->my friend really likes it

Post S1 thoughts-

->that cliffhanger was crazy imagine they weren’t renewed for a s2

-> i went on tumblr after and youre telling me they made that show IN TWO YEARS?? EIGHT SEASONS. IN TWO MF YEARS?? that is insane. props to the writers bro they fr must of known what they were doing.

->all of these characters already scream “doomed by the narrative”

->my fav characters are pidge and lance

->I definitely did NOT expect yue Allura to be British

->bonding moment.

->^like yeah okay i get it now

-> the healing pods are a very interesting concept. Like, what if you get some ailment that it doesn’t recognize?? Do you just die??

-> genuinely felt so bad for Not Yue. Allura. Allura when they had to remove her father’s memory thing. Like yeah I know the castle was corrupted or wtv but bro imagine. Your entire race is dead. your mom, who you previously knew alive is now most likely dead. You already had to go through losing your father once, and now you have to lose him again. Any sliver of hope you had of staying connected with him is gone, because the entirety of his essence is now gone. She’s stronger than me, I would have never given him up so easily. I admire that about her.

->I also made the horrible mistake of going on ao3 after

yk for gits and shiggles… and when I go to a new fandom I always search by hits to see the classics first yk

…

WHY are you guys so 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂… I genuinely shed a tear what. I was flabbergasted to say the least.

On that note the top 23 were about redguy/blueguy getting smoochy-smoochy with each other so I guess that should be a hint as to what you guys like

->the description of the show says the robot (voltron) is operated by “five teenagers” but that shiro guy has to be AT LEAST 25. He is pushing 30 you can’t convince me otherwise.

->for now it’s kinda giving atla except the war is intergalactic and lasted 10,000 years instead of 100.

->all the other characters seem to have a pretty clear background, but we haven’t yet heard about Keith’s backstory, so I want to know (I know now, this was my initial thought)

->shiros backstory/ptsd is very interesting, lots of angst possibilities i see

-> I had an inkling that pidge was…genderly different. (At first I thought she was transmasc)

Post S2

-> WHERE is my man. Where did he go.

-> Pookie please come back. Now. It’s not a suggestion.

->KEITH BACKSTORY I PREDICTED THEY WERE GONNA SHOW US YAY I LOVE BEING RIGHT

-> he’s galra! Soooo much whump opportunity

-> the whole “Allura doesn’t hate you she’s just a little upset to find out ur part of the race that killed off her entire peoples and family and okay maybe she does hate you” scene with keith and hunk is really giving that scene in atla: the southern raiders where zuko thinks katara hates him and sokka reassures him (badly) while he was just trying to get laid w suki.

->^ that’s gay

-> the aliens they met are going to be very important, aren’t they?

->^ oohhh so this is where the “langst” stuff comes from? he’s just kinda insecure i think, but it can’t possibly just be this episode that has that tag so high, unless flanderization is just really popular with you guys, but already suspect that unfortunately

->^Allura high key ate with this

->the “Blade of Marmora” people are definitely gonna be important later

-> the mall episode was soooo fun! fav s2 episode for sure!

->^gay. It’s literally giving “two bros chillin in a hot tub. five feet apart cus they’re not gay”

-> I know of 2 ships now. klance and allurance. I only see the former though, the latter seems more like a running gag/unrequited crush thing (for now i suppose)

-> Coran is an icon. I love that whimsical man. he’s beekeeping age per say.

-> I need pidge to find her brother and father man I feel so bad for her PLEASE DOBT TELL ME THEYRE DEAD ILL LITERALLY DIE.

-> pidge is sooooo cool i love her so much she’s literally the pookiest of the pookies

-> Who tf is gonna be the black paladin now. Keith sure as hell isn’t ready for that. maybe Allura?? Cus yk she kinda already leads them a little bit

These are thoughts I had compiled over a while now. I am on S5E3 as of now (07/03/24) but I wanted to document my thoughts either way. I will post on the tag “laura’s first vld”

[beanghostprincess]

Thoughs on Transfem Luffy? Personally I actually love this concept, some of my main hcs are:

- She comes out after Garp leaves her with Dadan so when he first sees her bounty posters he thinks he is going crazy at first

- Design is literally the same but with pigtails and the classic op girl eyes

- She casually nentions being trans after a visit from Chopper and everybody is cool with that. (Exept sanji)

- Amazpn Lily is a nightmare at first but after explaining herself Boa makes misgendering her a crime

- Impel Down is a lot more interesting

- Akainu is the only transphobic person in op and he gets his ass beaten

- Sabo cries (of joy) at Dressrosa for her

- Wano is more interesting too

Very very positive thoughts about transfem Luffy. She's my beloved. My little ball of chaos. The same exact as our canon Luffy but with different pronouns and somehow I imagine her to be even more unhinged because you wouldn't expect a cutie pie like her to be so damn chaotic.

Honestly, the whole thing is just something so cute to me. Makino? Dadan? Ace? Sabo? Shanks? They'd all support her like crazy. Ace and Sabo would beat the shit out of anyone saying anything bad about her while Makino teaches her (and her brothers) how to do her hair so it doesn't bother her while playing/running/training. This makes even more sense now because both Shanks and Dragon give major girl dad energy, so of course they'd love her (thinking about Dragon seeing the first Wanted poster and being thrilled about it and mourning a bit not being able to see her). Uta!!! Uta would tell her to be more feminine and delicate but she'd end up being charmed by her freedom, so she'd also beat the shit out of anyone who doesn't consider her sister a girl. Luffy is very nonchalant and careless about these things but is very stubborn so she gets frustrated when someone doesn't respect her identity. She's all like "I am a girl but I still wanna do stuff boys do, y'know? It just feels right to do whatever I want but, uh, as a girl. It makes sense".

Not to mention that she'd come out in the worst moment possible, in the most sudden way, and everyone in the crew would accept her but they'd be so astonished because Luffy is just so damn stupid and blunt sometimes. Also, I think it'd be good for Sanji to learn about trans girls... It'd help Sanji... In so many ways... The closet is glass for Sanji too but this isn't about her...

Amazon Lily is even better because Boa and Luffy would've been even greater friends (even though I love the whole "Luffy being the only guy she feels safe with" I also think that Boa acknowledging trans girls in an island specifically for women would be awesome).

Akainu can go rot in hell. If someone's transphobic in this show, it is him only.

Sabo!!!!!!! Sabo!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sabo would be the best brother ever to his sister. I just know that he'd be even more protective than he is now even knowing she can protect herself. Like that's his baby sister!!! And he'd be so happy to see her again and realizing she has the family and support she has always wanted!! The fact that she lives free and by her own ideals is enough for Sabo to be the happiest.

Wano is more interesting because she'd actually relate to Yamato's experience!!!!!!!! Trans besties!!!!!!!!! And Kiku!!!!!! Wano truly is the trans arc...

Overall, I believe she'd be the exact same as she is now but would easily get bothered by people telling her she's not a girl or saying that she isn't girly enough. She'd be ruthless and yet the cutest thing ever. Btw, she'd still go shirtless/topless even if she gets boobs because she does not care about it lmao--

I've been saying we need more Luffy female protagonists, tbh. It'd be soooo good for the story and would add more to the topics of freedom and liberation.

[thatsmutaccount]

THE PARANORMAL INVESTIGATOR'S MONSTER HAREM

(a monsterfucking collection idea)

Soooo, after writing all the Halloween chapters for this year I realized that writing monster x human stuff is kinda fun, so I'm thinking about maybe starting a new series/collection that will focus on this theme, but with kinda my twist to it. It would be something that would come way later, probably around the beginning of the year, since I'm probably gonna be really busy the next month or so with writing some other stuff for my other stories ("Rex/Mike Kinktober" and "Logan the himbo" first and foremost) and maybe even a sort of Christmas fic, but I think it would be really fun.

Next you will find some ideas I come up with just to test the water and see if people like this concept, so let me know what you think of this idea :)

*****

So, without further ado, let me introduce you to "The paranormal investigator's monster harem"

The premise is simple: we follow the adventures of a paranormal investigator, a real one, who can see and communicate with monsters and spirits, but that unfortunately always ends up being trapped by them and then gets utterly fucked by the monster of the hour

The weird thing is that, for some mysterious reason, after fucking him the monsters either imprint on him or fall in love with him, so they decide to follow him around, and the private investigator ends up with a literal harem of different kind of monsters who compete with each other for his attention and love

So it will be both a smut story and a sort of funny one - more in the spirit of "Logan the himbo" - with the detective who tries to lead a normal life but the monsters keep getting in his way trying to act normal out of the love they have for him, and him that keeps getting fucked and then courted by them, and he is just so tired of it

The monsters will all love him very much, and will go into all sort of shenanigans to win him over. They would never try to take him away or do things without him knowing, wanting only his love

The protagonist will be a paranormal investigator who used to be a police detective, who was dismissed by the force because he was too independent and didn't really follow instruction and with the obligatory Tragic Backstory™

He is the classic retired detective who consumes way too much coffee, looks always disheveled with an unkempt stubble, giant bags under his eyes, didn't have a good night of sleep in months, hates everything and everyone but secretly cares deeply about the people he loves, is around 30 but looks ten years older because of how badly he takes care of himself. Basically: a dilf private detective, the one fangirls tend to fall for very hard (if you have any reference it will be really appreciated, thank you)

He will not be the only character, there will be returning characters like the members of his agency and maybe some other guests

I was thinking of also add the possibility for people to make Request, and I even have in mind how to make it so, but we'll see

If there are monsters and creatures that I see people like I will also try to make them permanent members of the cast, so keep an eye out for you favorites ^.^

There will be no bad endings, unless otherwise specified in the chapter, and the rules for what I do and don't write will remain pretty much the same

*****

So, what do you guys think?

I like the idea and I think it has the potential of being pretty funny to write about, also because it will allow me to experiment with some scenarios I usually don't write in my regular fics.

The title is more of a placeholder, I was thinking of naming it something like "The (insert detective last name) agency of paranormal investigation" or something like that. It is still a work in progress but you get the gist.

So, what do you guys say? Yay or Nay?

Let me know what you think and I'll see you in the next couple of days with the last Halloween Special for this year.

Take care ^.^

[usernamesuggestionsarefunny]

Wish spoilers ahead.

The start of Wish is exactly like that of Encanto but without all the heart. It is literally the meme of "Can I copy your homework?" "Yeah but change a few things so it is not too obvious."

Also Asha deserved a pretty dress in the end like wth are you going to sell to little girls Disney you are all about money and you failed miserably even at that.

And it is for real soooo unfair how the queen did get a pretty dress the whole movie and Asha only got some lazy ass sparkles added to her boring ass dress.

Asha... not bad, ok, but she is copy paste Anna, Mirabel, and Rapunzel. Youtuber ModernGurlz is right about Disney's "adorkable" problem. All their main girls since Rapunzel have the same "quirky" personality save a few details. I have liked them all but it is getting boring. Give me a princess with a monotone, sad personality, give me a shy princess who only smiles and talks around close friends, give me back the classic super girly personality Aurora and Snow White style, give me an angry girl with a brutal sense of humor like Merida. Be creative, please!!!

I love the queen's design, super gorgeous. Too bad her character added nothing. Her help was barely needed since Asha's friend had already sneaked them into the castle and it was her who deciphered the king's magic. A super villain couple would have been way more fun.

Oh, yeah, Asha's friends. There were so-damn-many of them and only like 3 were rememberable or needed for the story.

The villain is a complicated issue. I appreciated Disney's attempt at another fully evil character, I liked how he wasn't yet another badly set up "twist villain" revealed only at the end. But I didn't like the end result that much.

His backstory was super underdeveloped and to "get" his motives better, if they really wanted to make him evil-yet-complex, they should have shown us a flashback of him losing his family Encanto style (They copy pasted the start might as well do the same with the antagonist backstory.

What the hell was the missing piece of tapestry for if it wasn't going to have any significance later on? Did the writers just forget or what even?

Worst part for me: The stakes were low as fuck. Disney doesn't respect its target audience, nowadays it thinks that children can't handle anything worse than a main character getting disappointed. The worst this "super evil" villain does is make people sad temporarily, for like two minutes (Kid you not), like one character stays sad for longer but MOST people in the kingdom seem happy and normal after giving up their wishes, he legit just makes people sad a few minutes (Again, I kid you not, no one dies, the wishes he "eats" to make himself stronger come back, nothing he does has a permanent, devastating effect, he is not even revealed to have killed Asha's father in a dramatic way or something). Yeah he makes people forget their wishes which is pretty sketchy but up to that point he seemed to have complex reasons for that, reasons that seem to disappear or have never even been there the second half of the movie when he magically becomes more evil due to a forbidden green spooky magic he uses, and then suddenly he becomes Maleficent (The cool, perfect villain version, not the woobie one) style evil in a very, very rushed and over the top way. I feel like he should have started up as fully evil with no backstory (Just a simple, Gaston or original Maleficent style, self centered guy, who wants more and more power and adoration), and simply gotten worse and stronger OR given more complexity as to why he became that way, but instead we got this weird thing in between where it is clear he just wants power and love from the people for the sake of it and yet he has this half-made sob story on how his family died.

There was a great lack of originality in this movie at the climax as well. Anyone watched "The little mermaid II"? That was pretty much it. Villain gets power boner, says he will enslave everyone (Worst thing he does in whole movie and yet no one trying to defy him dies at least off screen or gets hurt in any meaningful way). Then heroine saves the day.

The funniest part of this movie is that the villain's fate is worse than anything he ever did in the movie I swear. He gets trapped in a freaking mirror and then locked up in a cell (Similar to the Little mermaid II villain's end too lol). That is straight up torture till death, it is so fucked up. And his wife who literally sees how the green spooky magic is the main thing responsible for his bad day (If we are being honest that is all it was, other than the taking wishes part he seemed to be a good king) leaves him to rot and becomes queen Catherine II style, it is hilarious. Like girl, you turned against your husband like five minutes ago because apparently through decades of seemingly loving marriage, you never knew he was evil but now somehow you are ok with him rotting in solitary confinement till the end of time? So dorky and silly. So bad, so bad.

Lastly, that goat was annoying as hell.

[growling]

Ooo tell me more about these gore sites n whatever

yayayayayay :33 well just a few of them that I feel like I can explain somewhat, I have failed to stick to sites only and now just dumping all my cursed knowledge on every kind of shock site/image/video (none shown or linked obviously lmao) also as yall can probably tell: cw for like, general descriptions of shock stuff like gore or just things that are gross/unsanitary:

K-Fee commercial(s) - a series of coffee commercials that aired a while ago, i think the 90s or somewhere around then. So you know like, that veryyyyy popular screamer with the car road or something? So that was actually from this series, and there are multiple more but it's just that one which is most well known. I think they actually got taken down some time later after airing and I mean I'm not surprised there's gonna be like at least a few people got heart attacks for that. Like.. Yeah

The "Unholy Trinity" aka. TubgirI, Lemon Party & Goats e (last one without space i dont want to summon anyone lmao) - three most popular/infamous shock pictures that got passed around on the internets in the fucked up evil 2000s-or-so, basically any shocksite that exists no matter the quality like, has to have at least one of these on their site (up there with the Jeff the Killer flashing jumpscare or that Anne(?) image from the horror movie, but those are like, used as screamers and not just still images), they're like the shock image starter pokemon you get me right. A brief(??) description of these: TubgirI (cw for uh, enemas?) is an image of a woman sitting in a tub with her legs spread, and a mask (according to some, not gonna fact check sorry i value myself) on her face, and what looks to be the aftermath of an enema cascading out her ass and on her face. And like, I'm trying to be grossed out but the way everyone describes it just makes it look like some kinda abstract album cover like whoever photographed this must have really cared about the composition anyway uh Goats e (cw for. ass insides????) is an image of a dude presenting for a lack of better term, and using both his hands he kinda pulls/opens up his asshole from the sides to a point where you can see the inside of it. Lemon Party is literally just an image of three old men going at it. Yes that is all it's just three old men fucking. Probably got considered "shocking" by the net because homophobia and oldmanphobia i guess. Meatspin also got the similiar treatment because it had a trans woman(?) in it

1 Man 1 Jar - that one's a video and also somewhat of a classic just like the aforementioned three. Basically, there's this guy who really likes putting things up his urethra/ass, but he's more into extreme things than anything really safe, and there are multiple videos other than that one, where something just, uh, goes wrong while he's doing it. He also had a wife and a child(?) but he kept it a secret from them. Anyway 1 Man 1 Jar is contains him standing over a glass jar and then proceeding to put the whole thing inside (he apparently did that/or similiar things with glass before then but it went as fine as it could before), but the glass does what glass does and breaks, immediately after blood starts just gushing out and there's a LOT of it. The Guy just calmly starts getting the pieces out, doesn't even scream or anything, just doesn't have a reaction to that. After the whole ordeal (outside the video) he said he has patched it up himself and went to work the next day hiding the injury from everyone else (he was fine). He didn't go to the hospital because he didn't want anyone to know about what he's been doing and I honestly just feel bad for him at this point

Agor.io - soooo, you know how I mentioned earlier that it was like, when you wanted to make a site that's a screamer very often the jumpscare itself will be like, that one Anne(?) image or realistic Jeff the Killer? So yeah, they'd also typically, to make it (Jeff) scarier, they'd put up scream sounds in the background and a whole lot of flashing on the image/gif itself. The site agor.io had the jumpscare in it that is just like how I described, and it is named (and kinda modeled after) like that in order to trick people who made a typo trying to go on agar.io (that one circle game) instead. One day, a woman wrote a reddit post asking for help or explanation for that on some, I assume, that one law focused subreddit? saying that her young son, who's got epilepsy or some other condition that causes seizures can't really remember, found out about the game agar.io from school when his friends played it. When he went to home, he tried to play it there too, however, made a typo. And then had a severe seizure and landed in the hospital, he was still in the hospital as his mother made the post, and she was looking into taking whoever made the site into court over it. The site actually did get taken down a few days after, but we don't know if it's because the law got involved and they (person who made the site) were forced to, or if they saw the post and got scared and deleted it immediately to avoid that.

Encyclopedia Dramatica, particularily the page "Offended" - Encyclopedia Dramatica was basically like, a satire version of Wikipedia, wackpedion reference. Except unlike other pages that have a similiar premise, Encyclopedia Dramatica's humor and wit was basically just racism slurs gore and whatever's the edgiest and literally nothing else. Anyway the page "Offended"/"Are You Offended?" (people provide different titles) was apparently frequently linked to people who were, well, offended. There are two differing descriptions of the page's content itself, them being: 1. that its a gallery, that starts out with cute animal pictures, but as you scroll down it quickly becomes progressively more disturbing, containing gore like injuries, bloody corpses, some with animals, crime scene footage, you name it. 2. That the content is the same, but instead of starting off innocent, the gallery is just gore. Not gonna check which is the true version.

EeI Soup - [long sigh] ok so there's two girls. a container of baby eels. girl 1 starts bending over. there's a funnel

Mr. Hands - (cw for beastiality) so the story behind it is fucking wild and I won't get into it because word limit and I don't remember. But there was this one guy who was part of a beastiality sex tape ring, and he really liked horses. It's a video of him and a few of his friends sneaking(?) into a ranch and he does things that beastialists typically do. With a stallion. It goes wrong. His internal organs get fucking destroyed during the act and he dies. And his buddies didn't even help him or anything just ran away. Also the aforementioned Guy had ties to like, numerous other infamous beastialists & zoosadists I believe he appeared on the Zooey podcast or one of the guys he knew did?? Anyway nearly all of them are connected in some way

1 4 4 4 (without spaces) - a video on youtube with that title that got since taken down but not after a few entire days. It showed Ron.nie Mc.nutt (censored cause i don't wanna summon anyone) dying via suicide. A lot of videos (especially on tiktok, disguised as a regular compilation or a dance and the suddenly cutting to that) liked to show that one back then. Like, a lot. Apparently that was a calculated test attack by some group from over at the dark web, which sounds crazy but there's like, concrete proof for that, apparently?? So yeah anyway

(hit word limit gotta do a line break)

Ogrish/Liveleak - most people probably know what liveleak is at this point, basically it was that really popular site where like uncensored news clips got posted but also a lot of gore and just videos of people dying and getting tortured or whatever you name it. Ogrish was actually the same as Liveleak made by the same people but like, the older version.

Rotten.com - i just feel like I HAVE to mention that one but I have like unfortunately zero info on that aside from like.. very old and (in)famous site, one of the first ones with that content, where its just a bunch of pictures of corpses or whatever. anyway its not up anymore. i think.

Run the Gauntlet - basically an internet challenge that is also a site. So basically, there is 20 videos that play categorized by difficulty (probably wrong the further i go but i think its like: beginner, easy, medium, hard, extreme?), and if you can watch every one of them up until the end without looking away, then you win the challenge and as a reward get absolutely nothing. you can pause/opt out of it anytime you want which is nice i guess. the videos are essentially, just, shock and gore that progressively get worse. for example, the very first video, in the beginner level, is two women arm-wrestling until one of them breaks their arm and you can see the bone poke out. then theres like, maggot stuff, some teenager falls while diving into water(?) and lands on something else and i think impales(?) himself, there's like, nature documentary level stuff with animals that isnt that bad like right after and right before some another gore, there's fake accidents, disturbing movie scenes etc etc etc so not just gore but like, mostly. The very last video is 3 guys 1 hammer, widely regarded as "the worst video on the internet", which without getting into too much detail, is two ukrainian(?) serial killers from some time back who liked to record themselves murdering people, and in this one its a man getting very brutally killed by them with hammers. So anyway actually a few videos on there got either shuffled, or deleted and replaced with others - originally there was a few involving children, but all of them got removed. There is a big discussion on the ethicality of gore videos but if there is something that most people can agree with is that maybe at least leave kids out of this. Anyway so thats that

Kek maga (without the space. i dont want to summon anyone lmaooo) - ok so the creator of the site made a fucking villain monologue one time even. Anyway its a small site with various gore videos that exists purely to scare the living shit out of people that accidentially clicked on anything on it. I thiiink there's like, first a starter page that says nothing(?) else other than "only proceed if youre above 18" and an enter sign that if you click it basically a lot of images and videos of well. gore. start flashing and it think theres like, screaming in the background of it its practically designed in a way to be THE most stressful experience in your life. You can leave but before the pages closes for real you get a box saying "are you sure you want to leave youll lose all your progress if you do :)))))))" and you gotta click yes on that too before you actually can leave so. that is cool. Oh I nearly forgot the maker of that site named it kekmaga because its got maga in it and he wanted to lure older conservative people to it cause they dont know how computers work or something

Nim p (anti-summon space) - similiar to kek-ma but no one talks about it. A lot of youtubers back in the day got linked that page which meant that they "got nimped" which we would consider very rude by todays standards but anyway. Its a page thats just screaming and gore and shock and yadayadayada except its all in like, these boxes(?) that just start appearing and dissapearing and flying around your screen and its WAYYYYY harder to actually close like you gotta really lock in in order to stop having to look at people dying

Women's Alliance - made by the same guy that brought us the maga bait. It is a site that disguises itself as like, a feminist forum for women and female empowerment or something like you know. Before you enter theres of course the starter page which says something along the lines of "the subjects on here may be a bit sensitive and mature so only proceed if ur above 18!!" and then an enter sign that you click. Except its not a feminist forum its actually a site with images of gore flashing on it. Except its got a twist this time and now its exclusively, misogynistic violence like women getting beaten, killed, pictures of their dead bodies, probably also some rape videos too i got no proof for the last one but like, i just know it like why wouldn't it have that too at this point.

That is all you have got your knowledge wiki.......... uhhh how long was this ask in my inbox/drafts at this point

[pan-fried-autism]

Brother From The Same Childhood -- Chapter 1

Characters: Swap!Grem, Swap!Nikolai (@bowlerhatwearer) Swap!M0u5e, Swap!????????????

Summary: On what was supposed to be a fun, quiet movie night during a downpour, Grem and Nikolai encounter somebody more familiar than they think.

Pitter-patter-pitter-patter-pitter-patter.

The rain outside hit the window with their pleasant little rhythm.

Nikolai Akdow-Mewton lounged on the couch and listened, sighing contentedly.

It was a Tuesday night in March, about 9:50 pm. His child, M0u5e had decided to go to bed early. Grementine, his beloved husband and life partner, was busy getting something from their bedroom.

It was Impromptu Movie Night.

Grem's 37th birthday had been only a little over a week prior, and their friend Mothgo had given them a $50 gift card to their favourite VHS shop-- Valley Tapes. As such, Grem had spent the entire card in three trips.

Tonight, they’d be watching something that Grem had told Nikolai he would “like a whole damn lot, I promise!”

He didn’t doubt them.

They were going to put on some popcorn, too. Grementine never watches the popcorn, though— they preferred to spend the two minutes with their face snuggled against his shoulder as they purred lovingly. Secretly, he wished that Gremmy would actually watch the popcorn… but he liked cuddles more than pointing that out.

Nikolai then heard the familiar sound of small feet thumping against the floorboards, as Grem ran out of the bedroom and leaped onto the couch.

Something was hidden behind his back.

“Hi Nik!!” They chirped at him with glee.

“Hello, strawberry.” Nikolai replied, using his pet name for Grem.

The cat sat closer to him, still hiding something.

“Soooo ya know that VHS store I’m single handed keeping open?” They started.

The human rolled his eyes lovingly. “Yes, I’m aware of Valley Tapes.”

“Wellllll… I got something new for us to watch now. It’s the thing I said you’d like.”

“Oh, really? This is a big surprise to me.” He joked.

It was now Grems turn to roll his eyes as he produced the item behind his back.

It was a VHS case. On the cover was a young woman— a Jack Russell terrier, Nik thought— with a look of anguish and tragedy on her face. The dress she wore was ruffled, red, and fancy. To her right was a badger man, equally as anguished. His clothes were just as fancy (if a little plainer) and he carried a musket. In the background was a large, fancy grey brick house, surrounded by luscious green grass and trees. The flowery writing on the cover read ‘Love on Briggenbury Manor’.

Nikolai couldn’t help chuckling as he took it in.

“Grementine, what is this?” He asked, amusement coating his every word.

The cat made a huffy noise. “It’s a cult classic, Nikolai. It’s everything you’ve ever wanted and more.”

“Do tell.”

“It’s about tragedy and love in Victorian era England! It’s about the lovely upper class Anabellizabeth Williambury and her upper middle class boytoy Roginald Depperdander, and their relationship. But there’s hardships, Nik— HARDSHIPS! There’s a gigantic class divide between them—“ Grems hands started flapping a bit as they spoke more— “What with Anabells family being able to afford imported tea, and Roginalds family having to grow their own. Plus, the Crimean War has being going on, and Roggie has been sent to go. So while Anabel laments during the summer in the manor, she at least has three bosom chums to play with— her aunt Lady Jessica Victoria Waltenbaltenchester III who owns the manor. She has a mysteriously dead husband and a lifetime of wisdom to share. There’s also Nancy Stratforduponavon, one of the manors maids and Anabels personal servant. Her real name is Helena and her family used to be rich but everyone keeps forgetting her name. There’s also the BAD GUY… Gilbert Pettyburrow! His father, Wilbert Pettyburrow IV, owns land in ~America~, and Gilbert’s wants to kiss up on her and take her there! While that’s going on we learn that rich people have problems too. It’s great.”

Grem took several deep breaths after he finished infodumping.

Nikolai couldn't help but narrow his eyes a bit.

"... and why is this a cult classic?"

"Uh, because it's great? And also historically inaccurate?"

"It is?"

"Yeah. The Crimean War ended in March of 1856, but the movie takes place in the summer of that year."

"Grem, I love you, but I still can't see how this got a following."

"Maybe if ya watched the freaking movie, ya'd know!"

Nikolai scritched Grem's head, getting a purr from the feline.

"Alright, Grem, I believe you. Let's watch the movie."

The cat jumped up excitedly, tail swishing around.

"Great! I'll close the curtains and make the popcorn, you sit there and look handsome."

Nikolai giggled behind his hand as Grem scurried over to the window.

As they grabbed the curtains, however... they saw something outside.

Grem squinted a bit to get a look.

A figure was slowly walking down the sidewalk, slightly obscured by the heavy rain. They looked like they had something on their back.

Grem muttered confusions under his breath. Who the hell would be walking outside right now?

"Um, sweetie pie?" Grem called behind him, "There's someone outside in the rain."

From the couch, Nikolai looked towards the window with a raised eyebrow.

"Really? It's a strange time to go on a walk, let alone the rain."

"Yeah..."

Grem looked back at the window as the person got a bit closer.

The person had... spikes? Or quills, and a backpack. Probably a hedgehog or porcupine or something. The backpack had a pattern on it. It looked like... Spongebob? The soaked t-shirt they wore had a Nickelodeon logo, too. The sweatpants weren't special, though.

Plus, they seemed a bit short-- about Grem's height.

The cat hummed in concern before looking back at Nikolai.

"Nikolai, I... I think we should let em in."

Nik sat up, visibly a bit concerned.

"Grementine, are you sure that's a good idea?" he asked, "We don't know who this is at all. This may not end very well."

"But... I think that's a kid out there."

Nikolai, still looking concerned, came up to the window and took a look.

The person outside had stopped walking. They were standing and shivering, arms hugged tightly around their torso.

Nikolai made his own hum.

"... you may be right, strawberry." he admitted.

Grem and Nikolai were silent for a moment, still watching the outsider.

Finally, Grem spoke up again.

"So... should we?"

"I think that... would be best."

Grem nodded and hurried to the door, opening it and letting in the cold, wet night air.

"Hey!" he called out to the outsider.

The person looked at Grem just as they took another step.

They were a hedgehog (... and purple, for some reason). The face on them was one of fear and sogginess.

"... Hello." they called back.

The voice was a little high pitched, but it sounded like it was on the verge of deepening. In a puberty-ish way.

Ok, that IS a kid. Shit, Grem thought to themself. He shouted again.

"What are you doing out in the rain?!"

The kid looked off to the side. The fear deepened on their face.

They didn't reply for several seconds... barring a loud cough.

Grem gave the kid a look of sympathy as they shouted once more.

"Are you a runaway?"

The kids face creased with worry fast enough for Grem to know.

They looked down as they spoke again. Not a shout, but just loud enough for Grem to hear--

"... Please don't call the police."

The poor kid.

Grem looked back into his nice warm house, Nik looking at him expectantly.

He looked back at the teenager in the rain.

"Look... I'm not gonna call the police. Just-- come out of the rain for a bit. Come inside. We have blankets and no rain."

The kid looked unsure. Several thoughts seemed to race in their mind as they said nothing for a bit.

Eventually, they responded.

"... Are you sure it's okay?" they asked, uneasy, "I don't wanna be a bother."

"Don't worry 'bout it. If ya stay out here, you'll catch your death-- or worse, pneumonia!"

The kid looked down to their shoes.

Finally, they shrugged.

"... Okay."

...........................

The kid was now on their couch.

He (he had informed Grem of pronouns when asked) had a blanket draped over and wrapped around his shivering form, and a mug of hot cocoa in his hands.

Grem could see other things about the kid. His eyes had a sort of... sadness to them. His quills were pretty messy, like he hadn't brushed 'em in a while. His arms were pretty skinny, too. In fact, his clothes seemed to just hang off him.

Nikolai sat next to him with a look of concern, cup of decaf coffee in hand.

"Thanks for letting me sit for a while." the boy spoke, taking a sip of his cocoa.

"Nothin' to it," Grem replied, "EVERYONE should have shelter in this weather."

"I coulda found a bus shelter. Slept on the bench."

"No offense kid, but ya'd probably die if ya did that."

"... You have a point."

"Even if you did find a comfortable bus shelter, what would you eat?" Nikolai added.

The kid pulled up his backpack.

"Don't worry about me. I come prepared!"

He started pulling things from the bag.

Soon, on the living room table, there were several things-- half a box of crackers, a jar of peanut butter, a bag of crumbled bills and coins, a bottle of water about a quarter full, and a pocket knife.

Nothing else.

Nikolai's face turned to one of alarm.

"Did... is that all you packed?" he inquired.

The boys face turned red with embarassment. "... I could have bought food at the Dollar Tree."

Nikolai, though flabbergasted, tried to keep a steady voice as he spoke again.

"Kid... this is not a meal. This-- this isn't even a snack. As our guest, I insist on making you something warm. Even if it's just instant mac n cheese, or a frozen pizza."

The boy gave him a surprised look... surprised yet grateful.

"Mac and cheese, if that's okay."

He nodded. "But of course."

Nikolai got up, went to the kitchen, and began the preparation.

While he made the food, he periodically looked into the living room. Though all he really saw was Grem and the boy talking, he kind of noticed something... the kid seemed more comfortable talking to Grem than him.

Nikolai wasn't entirely sure why. Maybe it was because he was human? Maybe it was the visible scars?

He tried not to think about it.

In roughly 15 minutes, Nikolai returned to the living room with a bowl of Kraft Dinner for the kid, along with a fork.

He placed it on the coffee table with a flourish and a "bon appetit."

The boy thanked him, and took a bite of the macaroni... before tearing into it like a starving lion.

Nikolai couldn't help but watch the teen devour the shit out of the mac and cheese. He'd never seen someone eat mac and cheese so ferociously before. Him and Grem's friend/next door neighbour, Mothgo, made absolutely delicious mac and cheese, and not even Grem ate it that fast.

He really was starving.

Once the boy came up for air (and subsequently ate the last bite), Nikolai could only say, "... do you want seconds?"

He gave Nik a smile.

"Yes please, mister."

"I'll get it!" Grem piped up.

As the cat scurried into the kitchen, Nikolai sat next to the boy again.

"Hey," he began, "You seem quite desperate, yes? How much money did you have left in that baggie?"

The boy opened his mouth... but closed it as he reached for the sandwich baggie. He silently counted the money before answering.

"$12.55."

"That's not enough to get by, young man." he said, a grimness in his tone.

"I mean... they have a dollar menu at McDonalds, right?" the boy suggested sheepishly.

"But then what? What happens when you run out?"

"I'm almost 15, I can get a job! Probably. I can hang out in a homeless shelter and-- and get a job doing something."

Nikolai shook his head. "You'd still need a resume. You'd need contacts for the resume, too."

The boy said nothing as Grem came back with more macaroni.

Nik looked at Grementine for a second, before going over to him.

"Grem, can we talk privately?" he whispered to his husband.

"Oh, yeah sure." The cat replied, equally quiet.

While the boy in their house tore into the second bowl, Grem and Nikolai went to the kitchen where they continued whispering.

"Grem, I think this kid really did run away from something. I don't know what, but... just look at him. He seems pretty desperate. I think it would be in his best interest if-- if we could maybe let him stay for the night. Maybe tomorrow, too. We still have the air mattress, yeah? He could sleep on that. I just... I think something's wrong."

Grem gained a thoughtful look. Nikolai was pretty sure what it was about-- they both (unfortunately) knew a lot about scary situations and wanting to leave them. They shared some stories of desperation, too.

Finally, Grem took a deep breath.

"You're right, that's a good idea. Let's go tell the kid."

Both of them went back to the living room. Grem cleared his throat, making the kid turn around as macaroni fell out of his stuffed mouth.

"Kid, me and my hubby here just had a talk. We were wondering... did ya maybe want to stay the night? It's no problem for us, if you're wondering. We got an air mattress and some pillows and blankets. It's gonna be raining all night, and we'd rather see ya somewhere warm and safe."

The kid swallowed his food as a look of relief and... and safety appeared on him. Like he wasn't used to it.

"That... that would be amazing. Yeah." he breathed out.

"Good!" chirped Nikolai. He went back to sitting on the couch and picked up his coffee again, taking small sips.

Grem hopped up onto the couch on the kid's other side.

"Hey, what's your name, by the way?" they inquired. "Still not gonna call the police, by the way-- just curious."

A deep frown appeared on the kid's face as he sighed and responded.

"Quillin.

"Quillin Mewton."

[joopsworld]

15 questions for 15 mutuals

Thank you dearest @gold-mines-melting and @ageofhearingloss for the tag 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

were you named after anyone?

A news anchor 💀

when was the last time you cried?

Last week - I got all comfy to sign on to Zoom therapy (lol) and when my cat jumped up on me he knocked over my coffee and two full containers of water entirely on my laptop, phone, everything on the table, and soaking the rug. It was truly the last straw for me that day

do you have kids?

No way

do you use sarcasm a lot?

Yes, but unfortunately I'm pretty bad at making my sarcasm clear so many times there are miscommunications lol

what's the first thing you notice about people?

I think just their general vibe? Idk how to explain this further, but I feel like I can tell really quickly if I'm gonna like being around someone

what's your eye color?

Blue/green/gray depending on the light

scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings, I have immense fear just existing on a daily basis, soooo I'm not really into putting myself in that situation for fun

any special talents?

Uhhh I went to college for classical singing/opera so that's kind of a flex, but otherwise, I feel like I'm pretty good at cooking/baking, doing puzzles at record speed, and parallel parking.

where were you born?

Minnesota

what are your hobbies?

I feel like I have so many hobbies that I dabble in but don't spend a lot of time on individually - Again, I love to cook and bake, music has pretty much become my entire personality in the form of concert-going, singing/playing, listening, consuming music media, deep-dive researching about artists, etc., I like to read, I like to paint and draw occasionally, I love art and film photography, which I got really into for a sec and have temporarily abandoned until I buy myself a new camera, aaaaand I love to be outside! I love to go on long walks and swim and rollerblade and canoe, and just lay in the damn grass!!

have any pets?

YES MY BABY BOY, HUGO!!!! We really are two peas in a pod, I love him so dearly. My childhood cat, Vincent, is also still kickin, but he lives at my family's house 🥰

what sports do you play/have you played?

I played a lot of sports growing up, but the one I stuck with the longest was hockey. I still love to ice skate, but I was truly an awful player so it's been a while

how tall are you?

5'5.5"

favorite subject in school?

Choir and theatre (unfortunately)

dream job?

Mmmm if we're being honest, I would love to never work again, but I've always wanted to do something creative, and rn I'm trying to figure out where the sweet spot for me is. I have a very vague idea of what that looks like and it probably doesn't even exist but I think I'd like to be some sort of artist director where I can collaborate and incorporate many different mediums

I feel like I'm always the last person to do these and everyone has already posted theirs sooo if you've already been tagged and I missed it, I'm sorry!! Low low lowwww pressure tags: @jmkho @demolitionndann @mountain-in-springtime @jakeykiszkas @jaakey @anthemofgvf @theaudacitytowrite @the-starcatcher @theweightofstardust @sacredjake @fallonfatality @takenbythemadness @ageofwagner @alwaysonthemend @joshsindigostreak

I love getting to know you guys! It’s truly such a joy 💕

[sugarfluffandallthatgoodstuff]

HMBAUChapter 2: The Start and End of  an Era

I just decided that instead of trying to stay mid-pack and drag out the running on a torture rack I would just sprint this enormous 0.7 mile lap and get over it

But it seems my lovely woodwind captain had other plans

Because now instead of being middle-front he was now next to me

“Wow Y/N-chan you’re running quite fast! Maybe you should slow down a little.”

“No can do Oikawa-san I’m just trying to get done”

“I think you’re not understanding me. I’m telling you that you need to slow down. Non-negotiable ok?”

I couldn’t believe my ears! Was he jealous of my running fast or something?

“I don’t understand why you’d say that”

“I just don’t want you to get hurt ok? So please just slow down a little”

“If it makes you happy then sure”

So I slowed down 

but he didn’t leave

“Soooo Y/N-chan how does it feel to be 5th chair in SWC? I’m actually surprised based on the way you played last year that you weren’t in a higher ensemble!”

“Ah well I think maybe the band director made a typo and accidentally wrote my name instead when he meant to put Michimiya since we all know she’s really good and wanted this for a long time, so to answer your question I don’t feel like I’m meant to be there”

“Ah classic impostor syndrome! Don’t worry Y/N-chan even if you don’t feel worthy now I’ll personally see to it that you become the player you want to be! And besides I heard your audition and thought it was SWC calliber!”

“Wait you heard my audition?!?”

“Of course! I always want to hear the section auditions and actually am given some imput on who goes where!”

And with that our lap was done

Shit I didn’t even get to ask him what he meant

And now we have to do the stupid laying on the ground stretches so now I can’t ask him what he meant until at least lunch break

God why can’t we just learn drill instead?

TIMEYWIMEY SKIIIIIIIIPP

“Already everyone good Visual Block! Enjoy your lunch and remember Brass is in the gym and Woodwinds are in the Multipurpose Room for music block!” Daichi said while packing up the metronome

I knew I didn’t bring anything for lunch 

Now I just needed to hide from my section in a hidden notch in the school’s quad

Which was almost successful

But of course god decided to be like “lol no!”

Because now Bokuto was across me

“Hey hey hey whatcha got for lunch? I was kinda hoping I could try whatever you had”

“O-oh Bokuto-san I didn’t see you there! I uh-may have accidentally um forgot my lunch… but it’s ok! I’ll be fine”

Nice

Or not

“Damn what a bummer! Come on, I'll get you something! Besides how could you even expect to survive out here with how hot it is?!” he said as he helped me up and took me to the air conditioned gym

“OH GUUUUYS~ SOMEONE FORGOT HER LUUUUUNCH!” damn you Bokuto

“Y/N-chan! How could you forget something so important?! I’ll give you some of my milkbread! And no you may not refuse” Oikawa had chimed in almost immediately after Bokuto said that

And of course Bokuto brought me to where he usually sits with all his leader and brass friends were

And he knew all 3 of my leaders were good friends of his and he wanted to make sure no one slipped through the cracks

Too bad for him that I managed to slip under his radar all of last year

But that was then and this is now 

“I can give you some gatorade and a banana. You really should be on top of your electrolytes while working as hard as we do” Kuroo said while scanning me up and down like he was trying to remember who I was but couldn’t quite put a finger on it 

And this circle of people included Osamu, Sugawara, Kuroo, Oikawa, Iwaizumi, Akaashi, Yaku, Daichi, Kita, and Bokuto

So literally the worst people to try and be sneaky with

“So what were you planning to bring for lunch Y/N? Or were you planning and ran out of time?” Sugawara asked suspiciously

“I h-had a plan but had no time to execute said plan”

“That didn’t answer Suga-chan’s question Y/N-chan” Oikawa pointed out while keeping a strong gaze on me

“...a baby apple and a little bit of peanut butter…” I whispered softly

“Could you say that a bit louder please Ms.Y/N?”

“I s-said a baby apple and a little bit of peanut butter…” damn it now they know I wasn’t planning to eat fucking anything that would satisfy their weird standards of meal quality for people

Osamu looked like he was about to faint and the others audibly gasped at my response

“That’s it, we are now in charge of your band camp meals. Sorry Y/N but you’re at our mercy now and you get to have no say and yes this means we will all be making your breakfasts, lunches, and dinners for the duration of camp. No buts or exceptions.”

AND THIS WAS COMING FROM FUCKING IWAIZUMI WHO WASN’T EVEN EVER NEAR ME OR EVEN I’M SURE KNEW ME

I stood there shocked as Bokuto and Kuroo helped me to sit down as the others piled some food onto a spare paper plate and set it in front of me 

“I-I c-can’t accept this! It’s too m-much of a burden on you all!”

“Nonsense! Sometimes I have extras and it’s better for it not to be wasted going into the trash right?” Yaku said to me smiling as he prepared the first bite

Little had I known

This was the end of my hermit-hood

[gunsli-01]

Alright, let's get this set up in a somewhat digestible format. While also testing the waters. For people looking for more Mikoto info in particular this has some stuff on him within it but mostly gives a clearer idea on my experience with Milgram so far. Along with me being slightly unhinged. Soooo...woohoo...

Here's the set up. The next post will be the beginning of an in depth analysis of the two Celtic spreads found in MeMe. We will not only be analyzing them but delving into visual spin Mikoto put on the classic tarot cards with some insights his changes to them give us on his character.

There are two sets of ten cards. The first post on this will go over the first five cards in the first spread the second will finish off the first and give an overall interpretation of the reading. Then the same will be done with spread two. After we finish that then I’ll be attempting to break down the series of murders shown throughout MeMe.

Lastly, and my favorite part. We’ll finally be going over Mikoto’s character as a whole. Along with me just generally getting to talk about him without putting him beneath a microscope. Which I haven't gotten to do in weeks and still can't cause I'm stuck in tarot hell.

For those who don't read all of this and skip straight to the tarot I at least want to highlight and reiterate one part from here:

The point of Milgram is testing limits at any point these characters can do something that will make even their most devoted fans turn on them and I think the fandom should be open to having their opinions change and develop over the course of this.

So, here's post 1. I will link the beginning of the tarot interpretation here when it's up.

So, when I started writing what has to be the longest character analysis essay, I've ever written... I remember in December when I was like yeah I can crank out a few pages on Mikoto it won't be that difficult I can get this done by new years. I've already gone through the tarot once too what's a second time typed up gonna do? Maybe even before Mu's song.

I was wrong. But back when I was young, hopeful, well rested, and happier. I wrote something of a Preface. Just to explain all of my biases up front and let people form an opinion on if they wanted to take anything I said on this seriously or not. What comes after this part is that Preface.

Okay, so this is going to probably seem insane, but I might as well get it out of the way just to break in the new year putting my best foot forward. Yes, this is my best foot forward. Now Mikoto has a lot of diehard fans and detractors for some reason…How can such a normal guy be so controversial? Really unlucky… Honestly. Because of his popularity I’m a bit nervous to put out anything on him even though he is my favorite. Believe it or not I can get shy when talking about things I genuinely like a lot because I don’t know how it’ll be perceived, and I can get very, very critical when I like something.

It is not a normal like situation. It doesn’t go I like you; you could do anything, and I wouldn’t care. It goes OH, YOU UNLUCKY BASTARD! YOU’VE CAUGHT MY ATTENTION I SHALL NOW EXPOSE YOU TO THE WORLD! IF ANYTHING, BAD HAPPENS TO YOU IT IS LIABLE TO BE BY MY HAND! I well wade through the façade to find the truth I’m seeking knowledge, I’m seeking your identity, I want to dive deeper.

Don’t misunderstand- It’s just natural to want to know everything about the person you like and get all torn up inside because you never can. That’s just love isn’t it~ Ahh it’s an incredibly damning feeling that love, the idea of soulmates all that trite nonsense. Because when people aggrandize others, they usually end up wanting to pull them down to their level. That sort of sadistic thing is just as much a part of love. The adult world is so cruel that way.

As such I’m going to do my very best to tear this man to shreds lovingly, okay?

So, let’s start with some context did I love Mikoto immediately? Was I like innocent he just has to be? He’s just so good looking he can’t fail, lol. Okay, to be honest when I got here, I thought Kazui was so good-looking cause of his broad shoulders that when watching Undercover and seeing the flash throughs with Star I went that’s Kazui I know those shoulders anywhere. Got damn he looks like he gives good hugs those shoulders…

Also, I like sorry cowards my apologies for the disappointment but when I saw Mikoto in MeMe I willfully ignored him. I had a visceral response to his song telling Star I hated it and never wanted to see him or hear it again. While also going he clearly killed three people… in an obviously premeditated way as well. So, yeah guilty. Maybe? I don’t know. I’m just not interested I’ll leave that to the people who are.

I came in around Amane’s first trial… Soooo I very much could’ve voted on Mikoto, but I just did not want to look at him at all. Actually, I still don’t know why that was, but he made me uncomfortable and annoyed. Despite his video involving multiple things I very much love baths, tarot cards, clouds, water, records, baseball bats… Hell even his song was a genre of music I’m partial too. Like jeez in retrospect I really don’t know.

I just did not want to even think about him, so I didn’t. That changed when YouTube recommended me an English cover of his first song, and I was like now hold on… Those Sisters You Know really did a good job on that lyrics wise. Like it just hit different okay. I was listening to that cover every day having first job flashbacks and wondering huh why did I hate this guy again this is a complete mood actually.

After that I fell into an over analyzing loop for several months. Before I had pulled a nothing to see here and once we do that my brain just deletes the information since it’s been deemed irrelevant. Incredibly convenient skill to have. Yet, as it piqued my interest music wise, I was like well hold on…I have to know everything about this specifically now. Something that none of the Milgram characters had managed to achieve at that point.

To an extent I was pretty much like there’s nothing to see here at all when I was dragged into Milgram by Star. She showed me Mahiru’s first trial song like I really just want you to see this one and my immediate response was, “Are you trying to say something about me?!” We’ve been partners for years and this is what you lob at me what are you getting at? To which she had to dryly explain no I just think she’s neat and you love mystery things and putting together stuff so I wanted your opinion on what you think is going on here.

Then I got a rundown of the situation and was like ah okay. Then went through one through six giving all my thoughts on what they did and how I would’ve voted if I was there as she explained the results. I was surprised to hear from Star that none of the things I was saying to her had come up in the fandom as far as she saw.

As Star showed me Milgram my experience was basically

Weakness: Guilty. Committed murder for attention. Next.

Later down the line I asked Star about the reasoning behind Haruka’s trial one Innocent Verdict. It was after we watched Bring It On and she told me about Futa’s verdict. I needed to understand why Haruka was voted Innocent/Forgiven but Futa was not. Weirdly long before Futa asked us that same question in Back Draft. Why did Haruka of all people get a pass when we see him kill directly? That was the first thing that piqued my interest.

However, I was pretty disappointed by the answer Star provided and maybe to some people this will seem like a reduction of the actual reason behind prevailing consensus. Yet, what I gathered from her explanation was that he was voted innocent due to Autism. Particularly, people assuming he had a learning disability the most speculated one being Autism. Now, my response to this information was to go, um…that’s ableist right? Like, just because it’s helpful to him in this circumstance does not mean ableism isn’t present.

That’s just infantilizing and belittling his intelligence. Having a learning disability doesn’t suddenly exempt a person from knowing murder is wrong. It’s the same as using a person’s age as an excuse. Made even funnier that Haruka is treated more like a child than the literal child is. So…it’s not like that interpretation is that far off or difficult to get to. Plus, do people even critically engage with who benefits from these sorts of excuses and when they’re extended? 

 Because they aren’t applied indiscriminately. A perfect example of this in Japanese media in particular comes from something else Star and I were watching when she recommended Milgram. Higurashi Sotsu and the character Satoko a lot of people in that fandom got angry and found the concept that Satoko would become a villain all because she had a difficult time studying insane. Like she should have just studied harder ignoring everything else that occurred in Gou and Sotsu up until that point.

Even some going as far as creating a completely different reason for her actions. Because having trouble focusing, studying, and being ostracized in a new environment after being taken away from the people and things that brought you comfort weren’t good enough reasons. Ryukushi-07 also has a tendency to write about neurodivergent coded characters like Maria in Umineko and Satoko herself can be considered coded that way through sotsu and gou. The excuse extended to Haruka in trial one was definitely not extended to her by the Higurashi fandom.

So, it’s not surprising that same courtesy was retracted in trial 2. Sorry, to rain on your parade but disabled people of color from any minority group are not extended those same benefits of the doubt and rarely have their impairments or age taken into consideration if they even reach a trial. So, this is when I went oh well people are gonna people glad to see some things still haven’t changed. This is what Milgram’s bias looks like. It’s almost a perfect reflection of the performatively politically correct space we live under today and highlights the pervasive biases that continue to disenfranchise many that go overlooked.

All we’re missing is overt ableism, racism, and sexism disguised as feminism and we’d have everything that’s wrong with performative morality. (Star just informed me one of these things is just Yuno.) So, my interest was piqued around here but mostly from a sociological standpoint.

Yet, I was mostly ticked off. Media is supposed to be a form of escapism for many people and I found a lot of the issues that people usually use media to escape from pulled to the forefront in Milgram through its voting system. I came in and was like this series probably isn’t saying a damn thing special. Reluctantly after telling Star I wouldn’t watch it multiple times because well I was a mad at her and she kept asking. I had every reason to hate this series given what was going on around our relationship at the time she presented it to me and didn’t really think taking something lightly could end up saying a great deal about society as whole.

Umblical: Guilty. It was clear to me from the very first video that she attempted to entrap someone in a relationship through the use of a pregnancy then committed murder when that failed. Possibly multiple times.

Later, Star told me people assumed she got an abortion. Because the woman that was clearly in a sector of sex work knew nothing about contraception. That and she may have had family issues. I said oh so they thought she was stupid. That’s insulting and then people continued to think she was stupid. So, some things never change but my opinion of her did. She’s the only person here with a consistent character and seems to be incredibly considerate but not hesitant to go after the things she wants by any means necessary. I find that endearing and respectable and really wish she’d get a 50/50 since regardless of what she did I respect her want for us not to give our opinion on it.

It’s only polite to shut up and say nothing when no one asked you to speak. Yuno not only never asked us to speak but openly asked us not to. Her character description even states she dislikes being psychoanalyzed. She sort of reminds me of Kotono Kashiwaba from Caligula Effect but I can’t really figure out why yet. I haven’t finished the game at this point and right now we’re only up to Ike-P but I just get that feeling.

 Bring It On: Innocent due to lack of information. I haven’t seen a murder. I don’t know what happened here. Having a flop Twitter account and making callouts is not murder or a crime at all. So, innocent. Then Star tells me the actual outcome and the reasoning behind it and this is when I start to get a bit heated.

Basically, went what do you mean guilty on the grounds of his actions allegedly leading to someone taking their own life??? Because they were just involved in someone’s death. It doesn’t say they directly caused them to die which means indirect involvement is on the table. Ha, ha, oh my fucking god that’s rich considering the dude that clearly killed a dog and a child was given a pass. Did that with his whole chest but he’s good. Alright, alright… I literally went back and pointed out all the kills Haruka was directly responsible for in his first mv going but this was passable. At that point don’t even try to justify it just say you don’t like Futa that’s less insulting.

Like I discussed in the part on Weakness I found this way of thinking inherently unfair. The benefit of the doubt and consideration extended to Haruka was completely absent for Futa. A lot of people want to say this is because he didn’t appear sorry. But, what gives others the right to decide when someone is really sorry or not. Futa’s entire voice drama goes into how you can’t tell how someone is feeling or what they’re thinking based on how they behave outwardly alone and that’s all anyone did when it came to him.

Not many people extended that same courtesy or empathy. They didn’t attempt to look deeper because no one cared to and that’s sad. Start didn’t see anyone go hey that’s clearly a kid with anxiety who’s attempting to garner validation through social media possibly due to a lack of external validation in his actual life. Something tackled in the writer’s previous game Caligula Effect Overdose with the character Naruko Morita. Who does the same sort of things Futa does if not worse. Because she literally outs a trans person on social media, takes pictures of people without their knowledge, and looks up someone work application to then go oh they’re not as good looking in real life let’s tell their fans so they no longer like this musician.

Like these are things she does repeatedly throughout the game. She is a terrible person and in the game she’s your teammate. She has a social link and reasons for the way she behaves. She’s obnoxious, annoying, egotistic, inconsiderate, a snoop, has an aversion to criticism, low self-esteem, and is easily dissuaded from doing things she enjoys if it’s not immediately praised or faced with scrutiny.

She goes out to eat popular limited time items at shops just to post food reviews about it after one bite. She doesn’t even post her own opinion on it at times but instead goes by reviews others have left already while giving a little bit of a different perspective but not really. Then if you say no to her being on the team because she basically airs out your entire organization on social media for likes, so everyone now knows who you are, what you look like, your name and all of your teammates information you’re treated like the heartless asshole.

Hm, it’s like she doxed you and it has real life repercussions and makes your life harder. It continues to make the lives of everyone she does this to harder and in instances is retraumatizing for many of them. All I’m saying is if you play this game and end up liking her but still hate Futa then you don’t dislike doxing you just hate men. Point blank. At which point I hope you enjoy Ayana.

After Pain: Guilty, I didn’t and still do not believe she’s sorry. Plus, the person she killed was uninvolved. When Star told me she was voted Innocent. Well, I couldn’t really say I was surprised given certain universal truths but- When she explained it was because people were saying it’s because she’s clearly a lesbian and that person she stabbed told everyone she was which led to her bullying.

I kind of went well isn’t that sort of justifying someone getting murdered or in blunter terms just victim blaming. Even if the victim did do that which I’m doubtful of that does not justify murder. Like people really immediately went we trust Mu she’s a victim now what did this clearly evil girl do to deserve to get stabbed, huh?! I found that kind of odd, I wouldn’t want anyone thinking that about me or anyone I love if they were murdered. Plus, given the circumstances I grew up under it’s very common to see that sort of mindset pushed on specific types of victims of brutal crimes. Just saying; it’s really not interrogated often enough who the whole what did they do to deserve it mentality benefits and hurts.

Ultimately, I found the whole concept kind of cruel. However, I guess as we’ve learned Es is the sort of Guard that abhors a person doing something that may have inadvertently led to someone taking their own life more than very purposefully taking someone else’s life with your own two hands. Taking into consideration the response seen in the English speaking part of the fandom this mindset is showcased twice throughout the first trial with the only noticeable outlier being Kazui.

Throw Down: Guilty he asked to be voted that and I respected it. Also, he was organ harvesting from his patients. Like what? Innocent is this some reverse psychology nonsense well okay at least he already feels bad.

This is how to be in love with you: Innocent due to lack of information. I can’t punish someone for something I do not understand I genuinely don’t know what she did. I assume she poisoned someone since she works as a florist, cooks, and mentioned herbal remedies. However, I just knew too little at the time.

What do you mean they thought she was so clingy her partner committed suicide, so she was voted guilty? I’m sorry so what I’m understanding is stabbing a woman in cold blood is okay but indirectly causing someone to end their life through social error is a irredeemable sin? That last girl stabbed another one purposely and that first guy killed a dog and kid-

Half: Guilty but also- That dudes incredibly good looking and has nice broad shoulders that is certainly an impressive physical build look at him in that uniform- Hears the song oh my god he’s an emotionally unavailable and dishonest coward too just my type! Guilty I know in my heart what he did was fucked up but got damn I’m hoping it’s fucked up at this point- not me literally getting chills at the let’s make it victim and assailant line in Cat like boy howdy don’t say such things oh no. Is this how people feel when Yuno says Come Marco I’ll Polo?

It certainly doesn’t help that Kazui’s demeanor and communication habits remind me a lot of Star and I end up feeling a little bad for him but slightly want to watch him squirm as well. Truly, it’s the emotionally unavailable quiet ones you gotta be careful with. They have such intense emotions but they hold them back to the point they can’t express them and then the right person pushes and boom it’s like a pistol accidentally discharging. People who bottle up their emotions like that for as long as it seems he has well when they blow a gasket it’s like a volcano and I want to be in lava range.

Innocent I- well I’m fine with this you saw that up there you know why I'm fine with it we don't have to talk about it but like why??? Because they believe he’s gay and was in a very loveless and performative marriage while also assuming his actions just led to his partner committing suicide or an accidental death. Wait why is that okay here but with the other two it’s not… It’s cause he’s hot and seemingly pathetic ain’t it? Lol, that dude is not as weak as he presents but have fun with that when it comes up I suppose. Good liar my ass...

Magic: Guilty even asked Star to vote on it. So, I was made aware of how to vote at this time. This was not because I want her to be punished but I didn’t believe anything could be solved through agreeing with her and I honestly don’t think agreeing with her will solve anything now either, but it will maybe stop her from getting jumped. Maybe? Though I’m unsure about that because Kotoko has jumped people who were pardoned before sooo... That and Amane told us not to treat her like a child.

I believe it’s a bit unfair or shortsighted of her to ask us to respect her agency in her own life, that she chose to make these decisions, and yet at the same time ask to not be held accountable for them if we feel her behavior was wrong because she answers to a higher power. Her mindset on her killing and being considered a murderer highlight her immaturity to me. Those aren’t two separate things but childishly and stubbornly she attests that they are. Being an adult is recognizing that regardless of if you had a good reason, or a higher law you abide by other adults don’t need to care about those things when judging you they can just objectively judge the actions you took. It truly is that simple. To me it just seems like she didn’t really know what she was asking for when she said that. Like she equates being an adult with gaining respect but it's more than just that.

Amane’s situation really reminds me of that song by Maaya Sakamoto More than Words, particularly these lines, “Isn’t freedom painful? I’ve become an adult, haven’t I?” “Isn’t freedom painful? I’m now alone, aren’t I?” “Isn’t freedom painful? Endlessly so…” Because a lot about being an adult is being able to stand on your own by the decisions you choose. The respect you get from others is fickle at best and never really equates to understanding or empathy. In a way as we age, we become more and more emotionally isolated when it comes to social communication and consideration. Because the patience and consideration that is frequently extended to children is not given to adults since they’re meant to know better by then and not need that sort of care.

Adults have the freedom to make their own choices and have that agency recognized. However, many times that agency we yearned for so badly is weaponized against us in small and insidious ways. Causing adults to become more emotionally closed off, socially defensive, or calculating. An adult would never ask to have their choices looked at while taking into account that they chose to do those things they’d simply tell the person accusing them to figure out why they did it or take into consideration their circumstances. Not pull a don’t judge me and I won’t judge you. They would know that their main focus should be endearing themselves by any means necessary like Mu attempts to do or lean on their legal rights.

So, I really feel like Amane was her own worse advocate during trial one and it ended up biting her in the butt. Also, another song that I feel properly exemplifies that feeling of emotional isolation one faces with age but isn’t as somber I think is “Love I need” by The Living Tombstone.

MeMe: Abstained due to a vague sense of hatred. I literally told Star to never show this to me again and not to bring him up I don’t have an opinion, I don’t care, I’m glad that’s over was my immediate reaction to MeMe. [Star: She said that she didn’t like the song, him as a character, and it was obvious that he committed several murders. So, there was nothing left to look into.] Afterwards I promptly deleted the information from memory until finding that cover song.

Harrow: Guilty she literally did the same thing Futa did just in a more direct way. She also seemed to jump people who had already been put on trial and had a decision on their actions handed down. Even openly said apologizing meant nothing. I’d rather give a pass to the person who says just say sorry then the one who goes lol it doesn’t matter if you try to make amends now no second chances ever once a bad guy always a bad guy.

I put all this to show that even before I was actively posting Milgram stuff on here. I did have opinions on all this that have only developed over time. As much as I came out swinging in the oh I really like Mikoto camp. I really did not want to see this dudes face when I first saw him. Like I feel as though I’m being a bit of a broken record. I said the same with Haruka. Yet, with Mikoto there was a bit of hatred there. Like a knee-jerk reaction that I couldn’t even pinpoint and didn’t want to interact with. Something, I still don’t really have an explanation for.

Even still before this I was spending months talking to Star over the phone sifting through the music videos reading the conversations and literally burning out all my investigative skills on it. Something I believe she knew I’d do when she brought it to my attention and asked, “What do you think happened here?”

Now here I am trying to churn out an entire essay on the guy. Certain characters can grow on you. However, with Milgram there’s this feeling that such a fondness like that can be broken. The point is testing limits at any point these characters can do something that will make even their most devoted fans turn on them and I think the fandom should be open to have their opinions change and develop over the course of this.

I feel like being shut off, isolated or just stubborn about one’s own opinion is unfair to the social experiment aspect Milgram is trying to pursue. That’s just me personally. I really hope that by the end of this there is interesting data collected. We can vote any way we want at the end of the day. Not everyone has to take into consideration what the characters did or how bad it is objectively.

Yet, for people to trick themselves into believing the vote doesn’t matter, this is all in good fun, and no one will be held accountable for the outcome in any way is negligent and blatant denial. The verdicts have a direct impact on the sort of place Milgram is currently and could become. It's a direct reflection of the will of the fanbase. If we vote a certain way the creators take that into consideration. They seem to not just take the winning verdict into consideration but pay attention to responses from both sides overall. They’re paying attention. So, it’s incredibly short sighted to assume our collective judgement regardless of how you vote or if you chose not to doesn’t reflect on the entire fanbase in some way.

I’m not saying this to be a Debby Downer or go really interrogate why you’re voting this way. I’m saying all this to get one point across if you’re going to vote seeped in bias the least you can do is express what those biases are in your own unique way. That’s what will make this all the more fun for everyone. I don’t care if you choose to vote guilty, innocent, or abstain, but at least vocalize why that is. Especially for people choosing to abstain since that’s more difficult to gauge since it is just not an option and the closest thing to abstaining would be attempting to get a fifty/fifty.

I know not everyone is willing to be that out there with their feelings and that sort of thing isn’t fun for everyone. Though even just discussing it privately with friends, people you trust and feel comfortable around is enough. All I want personally is for people regardless of how or why they vote to look at these characters for what they are and give them the opportunity to surprise you outside of your personal opinions like with actual people. All these characters will probably disappoint someone at a point but I feel like if you keep a healthy sense of realism and treat them in an unidealized way that will help in not causing resentments towards the series or the people who work on it down the line.

Some of these resentments are already present in the fandom and being used to create a reflection of the writer that could be wholly inaccurate. Personally, I don’t find that sort of approach to be fun or fair. However, it very well could be to some. Yet, at times I find it incredibly disheartening to see. My hopes in writing all of this and thoroughly attempting to analyze my fluctuating feelings on Mikoto may tackle why that is in some way. Even if the problem isn’t firmly rooted within the interpretations around his character but extends to the entire cast.

Though it’s like Jackalope said he certainly did cause a bit of trouble.

I hope this has been a good prelude of what’s to come and helped whoever may have read this far better understand my personal perspective on Milgram. This post didn’t focus on Mikoto as heavily as I would have wished but served to properly build an understanding of what one may be getting into when it comes to my analysis of his character.

I hope by displaying my biases and feelings on all the characters that one can decide whether reading what comes after this is for them or not. Regardless of if you continue to read or go back to this post from the ones that precede it, I appreciate you reading my ramblings.

[castlebyersafterdark]

idk what it is but all this pining for steve is making me want him less lol. more for you vinny i guess! i loved him in s3 but in s4 he's just too... nice. the dad of 8 kids vibe does not do it for me. and he looks soooo dad in those s5 loafers and with that hair.

as for heteronormativity anon, who is probs long gone by now, i find myself defending it as a cognitive concept. its a societal issue, but i feel like bylers use it to degrade individual milevens, who instead should be judged for their homophobia, arrogance about storytelling, or extreme denial. i would say the main prescription of anyone who is still left shipping mileven is denial due to unhealthy emotional attachment; meanwhile, general byler antis who dont necessarily care for mileven are either blind to storytelling or homophobic.

as for heteronormativity, its understandable when you think about what exactly IS it that sets romance apart from platonic love? we love byler because theyre friends, but what shape is the love and romance? is it devotion? friends can do that. is it care? attention? friends can do that too. is it in sexual attraction? well, some would argue they fall in love but don't feel sexual attraction. or that sex is secondary. is it in the extent of all these things and how they all contextually tie together that makes byler feel romantic? i would say: yes.

romantic love looks different for every couple, but the only things we have to share and empathise and express this with others outside of the couple are institutions such marriage, living together, children, sharing lives, and other gestures. think of trying to explain to anyone how or why you love your partner without sounding trite or cheesy or tired. its so unique to the experience of being in it. and what some would see as the peak of romance, others wouldnt. so if we're telling stories - or indeed relating to eachother as humans - there needs to be a shared understanding of what could be considered love, romance, or friendship.

so you can see that, in society that has a fairly good reason to expect men and women to be attracted to each other due to biological evolution, most people expect and subconsciously look for signs of more-than-friendship love and affection in different-sex pairings. it is literally, in a way, survival.

society is changing and more people are opening up to see queerness everywhere, and see the beauty of it. but there's no way people are ever going to stop thinking about mixed gender potential couples, because there's a biological hardwiring for het people to see heterosexuality that in others. even though, to queer folk, straight life seems easy to find partnership, its not straightforward and there are plenty of reasons why its hard. its comparatively easier than being queer, but its still uniquely hard for each person to find love, no matter their sexuality.

so... until there are more queer folk than het in the world, i don't think it will change. i can see how alienating it is to always be thought of second, but its the nature of being queer in a mostly het world. i dont think heteronormativity is objectively bad, not unless there is also prejudice and hate accompanying it. and plenty of straight folks will watch byler and think 'that's fucking beautiful.' they just probs won't be as invested as queer folk are, and you can understand that! and there are also lots of allies and straight people invested in queer stories, who did pick up on byler, but usually they have their own reasons for being so invested, such as relating to the outsiderness of queerness despite not being queer themselves.

Hmm, I can see what you mean but it's funny because I'm into Steve even more this way!! Entirely think it's a clothes making the man idea here. I like my Steve dorky and a little strange. Or classic Steve. I'd say this combines the best of. He was hottest in season one and three. But that look? Dressed like that and possibly road-tripping with Dustin? Cute!! Endearing. Love the fit. I don't like "babysitter Steve" because it's such a wider audience cliche by now, but I do think genuine moments with Dustin are great. And them spending all that time together?? Driving cross country or wherever? Really love that. Hope that's the Steve we're getting and it improves on season 4 Steve, one of my least fave character variations.

Onto the rest. "...who instead should be judged for their homophobia, arrogance about storytelling, or extreme denial." This is accurate, this is the core of that fanbase. And yeah, it might be unfair to those who aren't of these descriptors, but it's helpful in understanding. And reading through - I do see your point overall here and not negating any of that, that's all accurate and true, better or for worse. And is all the very definition of heteronormative thinking in society. Right there in the name. Normal straight culture. I mean, yeah in regards to romance people are going to fall to doing all that for any standard media and scrutinize the possibility for a man and woman towards a relationship where something queer is ignored or not seen or shocks.

It's not untrue to say there's more straight people out there. Accurate statistic. But that's the whole point - the want for acknowledgement of different lifestyle, lives lived. It's less about how romance is generally difficult, because yes, and more the media angle of all a man and woman need do is be put on screen together and stand there and the work is already done for the audience to accept and root for them. That's heteronormativity. That's what queer characters are up against in front of the audience. It's rarely that easy (some may chime in and say fandom does that with any two random men in proximity but ok - is fandom real life and an accurate view of society? No).

I definitely don't think you said anything untrue. The point and wish I guess, what were up against, is that assuming mindset where everything is straight = default. And a hope that at some mystical point, media and fiction is approached neutrally, where the assumption isn’t completely hardwired or challenging it at least isn't shocking if the default still remains, however unrealistic to think that the default will ever truly disappear. It's tolerance -> acceptance -> celebration. We're barely into the first one, overall.

[evandore]

i put off organizing my bookshelf for a solid year and it took me like an hour ummm anyway

this is my little desk area ^_^ i think its soooo cute and yes i do need to get a new chair this is literally just one from our kitchen anyway.

the bookshelf is sorted with sentimental stuffed animals on top...mostly gifts or stuff i associate with people. the bear with the red ribbon the far left is Bear and is my oldest plushie !!! i dont sleep with stuffed animals but whenever i stay over at someplace thats like not my home i still bring him. usually just leave him in my bad but idk its tradition lol as the story goes he was a valentines gift to my nan except i as a little one or two year old stole him and hes been with me ever since :)

as for the actual shelves - the very top one has all music stuff. its hard to see in the left corner but i have my cd case + two mostly empty smaller plastic ones. on the right are my vinyls (jayne county / cecelia vinyl / the mountain goats / pat the bunny / chad hates george (dnd side project) / days n daze / days n daze / days n daze AND night gaunts / days n daze / days n daze) < i wanna put custom cds in the space between but thats a future project

for the second shelf on the left are my have reads and kept books for one reason or another. i sorted it by 'controversial / childhood books / horror' and in between is my troilus and cressida stack ❤️ with my favorite manga of all time that i somehow managed to get a copy of 'the villainess and the woman who would do anything for the sake of love' ... and then on the right are all to be reads. which is actually the entire shelf other than that one sections LOLLL but thats like the Current to be reads. it makes it easier to choose from a smaller selection. most of them there anyway have already been started to some degree and just need to be finished. tho a couple i have finished its just been so long that i need to reread it lol .

the third shelf is all to be read as well. they are sorted in a general sections but theyre not clearly defined so idk how to describe it lol

the last shelf is just all my heavier / nicer / collection books. or a few are just very long and heavy classics (war and peace , count of monte cristo , divine comedy) ... ill probably choose like one per cycle of to be read books lol some have been read or partially read and some havent

anywayyyy very happy with the current system ^_^ and also pleased how everything fits nicely !! my plan was to start heavily downsizing on books and get rid of stuff once ive read it if i deem i dont need it on my shelfs but honestly umm i think most of what i have rn is staying lol like ive gotten rid of all my ya novels aside for a handful that were decent enough that i feel like i should read to the end before getting rid of them. but the rest is mostly focused on mythology or classic novels or other things in that sort of way and unless i absolutely hate what im reading ill probably keep them until i have to downsize !

one thing i want to do tho is attempt book binding - starting with my absolute keeps. i think it would be a fun thing to learn esp for the novels ive kept since elementary rhat have had an impact on me. some are very old and falling apart. then some others just have ugly covers LOLLL

[autistic-crypt1d]

Season 1 SG-1 Live Blogging:

It's been a while since I've watched this but I've also seen it over 20 times at this point so I doubt there will be any surprises. Who knows! Plus I finally have refreshed context with the movie.

Updates:

- Children of the Gods pt 1&2

- ahh the black side bars

- I still dont know why the tarp would be moving before the gate even starts dialing, once it starts and everything starts shaking and the tarp goes flying yeah

- AHHHH THE FIRST LOCK OF THE SHOW

- AHHH THE CLASSIC GOA'ULD MUSIC

- the suits are so silly and top heavy I love it

- TEAL'C

- how are these trained military personnel only managing to hit the center base playe of their armour lmao, some real stormtrooper shooting right there

- god damn the acting of the dude who was screaming and shooting was very bad and the effects were so off

- THE BLOOD PFFFFT

- I'm sorry but the gold lipstick they put on Apophis is so goofy

- I forgot how agonizingly slow and boring the original intro is compared to the music

- JACK!!!!

- PFFFFT. THE TELESCOPE SHOT

- I know I've done pretty much nothing but make fun of the show so far but that's because the first season is rough ok, I do love it though

- ah General Hammond, little does he know he's about to recruit one of the 4 biggest pains in the ass of his life

- if the gate was buried, how does Daniel get the tissue box?

- I wonder what they've been doing at the SGC this whole time anyway, I mean until this stuff happens they'd believed the gate only went one place and theh believed it to be destroyed soooo

- also I literally just watched the movie, but I don't remember seeing a DHD over there so I'm assuming that also just wasn't figured out yet

- ah fug Carter's cringy intro. I love her so much but this is awful and the actress herself said so too (thank god she did and fought for her to not do that shit again)

- you can see him fall head over heels for her like right there and then though

- I do find it pretty interesting how the gate travel sequence animation changes eventuallly

- also, what's with the fact they still get all frosty and shit initially but soon it becomes a thing they do no problem, step through the other side skipping and shit

- DANIEL!!!

- the entrance is in like a crater now, funky

- "Captain Doctor you're gonna love this" PFFFFT

- see I know everyone loves Sam & Jack, but everytime I see Sam and Daniel nerding out together they look like they're about to literally makeout

- oop here come the snake lads

- BRO GET YOUR FINGERS OUT OF HER MOUTH YOU THIEVING ASSHAT

- why is her name spelled Sha're here but Sha'uri in the movie?

- everyone huddling up hugging Daniel makes me wanna cry 😭

- it's just occurring to me how weird it is that the Apophis has set up shop in what looks to be a European style castle of all places

- this whole thing with the women being chosen as Apophis's bride is horrifying and I hate it and the nudity was entirely unnecessary. We did not need to be shown women being assaulted and violated and exposed to understand how horrible he is. We really didn't

- pffft you tell him Kawalski

- ugh I fucking hate the scene where Sha'uri is chosen

- wait did they cut out her being fully exposed? Thank god dude, nothing against her I'm just really uncomfortable with nudity

- poor Daniel, he just wants to tell people about the cool stuff

- aaaaaand now everything is greek?

- Apophis is just copying everyone's shit

- PFFFT that was the most ungrateful exit ever

- oop, one of the snake helmets lights are out

- y'all Jack having to lose Skaara after already losing Charlie is just so OUCHYYYYY

- they really just let that helmet be lights out

- "you are the first I believe can do it" AHHHHHHHHHH

- pffft Daniel and his crooked ass glasses

- "I have nowhere to go" "for this, you can stay at my place" god I love them so much I wanna scream

- it's so weird hearing Sam call him "Dr. Jackson" and him call her Captain

- Y'ALL THE MUZZLE FLARE IS SO BADDDD

- after watching the movie, the look Daniel gives Jack after he tells him to go is so much more intense

- ah hell Kawalsky getting infected is a big ouchy

- Daniel and Sam in sync AHHHHH

- Teal'c handing over his weapon to Sam no questions asked 😭

- HELL YEAH JACK, YOU FIGHT FOR YOUR BOO

- The Enemy Within

- pfffft the little exchange of looks between Jack and Kawalsky in the control room

- if matter can't reintegrate, what's the slamming sound? always wondered about that

- Jack's turtleneck shirt thing is so cute

- YOU STAND UP FOR OUR BOY JACK, YOU TELL EM

- this episode hurts my heart so much

- Daniel is so pretty in the og outfit tho, so baby girl

- Teal'c finding out that he's found the Tau'ri is so emotional y'all

- "then you are their greatest hope, and mine." I'M NOT TEARING UP YOU ARE

- everyone is such babies here it makes me wanna cry

- I'm sorry but the way he just tosses Carter is hilarious

- Charlie's in this show are cursed, first Jack's kid, then Kawalsky

- YOU TELL HIM GENERAL

- Teal'c is such a trooper man, he's just letting them use his symbiote (the thing that keeps him alive) to test anesthetics to save Kawalsky

- the way Jack is so soft with his men arms my heart, this military man without hesitation holds Kawalsky's hand and I love him for it

- they've really got zero lights in half these sugery shots

- ah hell, the false hope here HURTSSSS

- I hate Kennedy so much, LEAVE

- poor Teal'c, he thinks he's made a friends and gets attacked instead :(

- Walter buddy, you tried and I'm proud of you

- YES TEAL'C, YOU STAND YOUR GROUND YOU WONDERFUL BADASS

- "I need two ranking officers to override" never gets old

- Jack having to give the order that kills his friend is AHHHHHHH

- "he was your friend." "My friend died on the table." HELP

- I'm gonna cry, the team together on the ramp for the first time ahhhhhhhhhh

- Emancipation

- I HATE this episode

- poor Carter y'all, she's put through the damn wringer in this

- Daniel I adore you but shut tf up you're not the one being asked to shut up and cover up under penalty of violence or death

- DANIEL, SHUSH

- Jack you aren't helping

- JACK. DANIEL SHUT UP. PLEASE.

- the fact that this is the first mission they go on as a team is ASS. Yes they do good shit at the end but still.

- you know what, no one is making me watch this and I don't want to soooo SKIP

- The Broca Divide

- this is episode 4???? Damn I remembered this beingf a bit later for some reason, but I feel like that with most episodes tbh

- it gets a bonus for introducing Dr. Frasier

- Daniel is the only one with self preservation rn, who tf goes through to an alien planet that is so dark the malp couldn't see a damn thing

- good point, why tf doesn't the malp have a night vision mode

- pfffft Daniel's little wave of submission

- ugh god I love the intro music so much, 10 seasons over a dozen times and I still love it

- DANIEL, SHUT IT. IT DOESN'T MATTER IF THAT'S HOW STUFF USED TO GO, IT'S NOT HAPPENING NOW

- pfffft Daniel's stuttering

- Teal'c catching that punch like a BADASS "general I would prefer to not hurt this man" AHHHH

- DANIEL AND THE TURTLENECK SHIRT THING

- SG-1 is just so pretty

- uh oh locker room scene

- "why? I mean no"

- Dr. Frasier!!!!!

- poor Daniel :(

- Janet calling Teal'c "Mr. Teal'c" is so cute

- ahhhh Daniel is so sassy I love it

- I'm sorry but Daniel helping to restrain Jack is hilarious considering how easily Jack absolutely MANHANDLES him in this show

- "I am not Lucy" XD

- ah yes, one of the many episodes where Daniel is carried around like he weighs 2 lbs

- the first person he calls for is Jack 😭

- The First Commandment

- this episode is pretty wild honestly, plus like, Sam lore???

- Connor immediately collapsing once he knew he was safe with SG-1 is just so AHHHH

- "this tastes like chicken" "what's wrong with it?" "It's macaroni and cheese"

- "I guess I've always had a soft spot for the lunatic fringe"

- I love how Daniel and Sam are always yappin together

- "we should have stopped her" "we would have failed" pfffft

- YEAH SAM GET HIS ASS

- just shoot him in the leg Sam!!!!

- every single time they try and show people that Teal'c is friendly is cracks me tf up

- Teal'c reaction to his drawing being complimented is so cute help

- wooo! Revolting against false gods!!

- Cold Lazarus

- first planet we've seen that looks different than Earth which is cool

- the blue of the sky with the yellow ass sand hurts my eyes

- Pffft Daniel not knowing if he's using the radio right cracks me up

- I wonder why Jack keeps all that stuff in his locker, like having some photos at work yeah, but the wedding ring and notes? Why not at home?

- I'm sorry Jack/Sam shippers, but every time I see Sam and Daniel working together being all nerdy and completely ignoring the concept of personal space, AHHHH

- oof this episode is so awkward and painful

- pffft the random side plot of Teal'c learning about Earth through the tv is so funny to me

- SAM AND DANIEL ARE SO CUTE HELP, the way they sprint into Teal'c room together all excited, AHHH

- Sara's dad is so sweet about what he thinks is Jack and what he's going through

- y'all, entity Jack holding Charlie's things and rocking, OUCHIE

- god Sam and Daniel are so chaotic together, such mutual enablers

- PFFFT everyone's faces when the real Jack comes through the gate XD

- the fact that literally none of this is ever brought up again is really annoying

- The Nox

- I love the Nox

- Daniel trying to get information from the Nox and failing terribly is so funny

- Apophis sucks

- the costume design for the Nox is so good

- I can't tell if the green in the fire is a chemical thing they did or a greenscreen being behind it

- Daniel covering Sam up 😭

- PFFFT TEAL'C WITH A DAMN LOG

- Brief Candle

- I hate this episode honestly

- the fact is O'Neill gets drugged and raped and no one talks about it

- skipping

- Thor's Hammer

- Jack diving to try and save Teal'c 😭 I love those two so much

- I love Gairwyn, she's fantastic

- the fake thor looks so goofy 😭

- ahhhh I love the Unas lore so much

- I love Jack and Teal'c so much y'all, the way that they stand side by side through anything, the ultimate duo

- The Torment of Tantalus

- ahhhh this episode is so good!!!!

- them realizing that they weren't the first to go through and someone actually got stranded out there??? CHILLS

- CARSON!!!!

- I've always wondered wtf this man ate while he was there all this time

- y'all that conversation between Earnest and Catharine, AHHH

- BRO, THE WAY SAM AND DANIEL ARE SITTING??? No personal space with each other

- "this is a true universal language!" Ahhhh!!! I love Daniel nerding out

- Sam with rolled up sleeves AH!!

- Bloodlines

- where tf did they get the priest gear??

- ahhhh Bra-tac, love that guy

- Alison fron Eurekaaaaa

- Fire and Water

- this episode makes me so sad noooo 😭

- Sam crying over Daniel AHHH

- I NEVER REALIZED TEAL'C WAS IN SHORTS

- seeing Teal'c participate in this human ritual of mourning makes me so emotional ahhhhhhh

- ah yes the first of many times Daniel gets kidnapped and tries to communicate with a captor he cannot understand

- General Hammond is the best for letting it slide that Jack obliterates his car window

- I wish we saw more alien races like this fish guy, things that are further from human

- frustrated Daniel is so funny

- Teal'c's expression XD

- I wonder why Nem never went to Earth to search for his mate, or why he didn't go with her

- Hathor

- ugh this episode. Hathor irks me so bad

- "sex, drugs, and rock and roll?" "In a manner of speaking yeah" pffffft

- why tf does Jack do air quotes like that

- see now Daniel is literally getting raped in this episode too and no one comments on this. This is what I hate about this show. Just because it's not violent doesn't mean it's not.

- man the reverse shot is so bad

- the Goa'uld larvae look like ground beef in that tub

- wtf even set the tub on fire

- why tf is the only response to Daniel's trauma "ew" :(

- Singularity

- oh god the Cassie episode 😭

- the way Sam and Jack are with kids in this show is so wholesome

- AHHHHH this Sam and Daniel moment is so good

- the way he looks at her and talks to her BROOO

- if they're so platonic why does Daniel always stand a centimeter from her hm???

- "who said that?" THE WAY HE'S LOOKING AT HER????

- Jack running in that damn hazmat suit is so funny

- the way Janet and Sam cover Cassie AHHH best moms ever

- SHE STILL HAS HER TAG ON BROOOO

- Daniel's little happy slaps XD

- Cor-ai

- ouchy episode

- everyone trying to gently tell Jack they don't believe he's a good choice to be the voice is so funny

- Teal’c’s trembling lip AHHHH

- Daniel’s speech, Y’ALLLLL

- the relationship and dynamic Teal’c and Daniel even after what happened to Sha’re is something else

- “What’re they doing?” “Preparing me for my death.” “Oh”

- Enigma

- oh wow the set and effects on this one is ROUGH

- I just remembered that the Tollen dude, Narim that has a thing for Sam is the same actor who plays Simon, Elizabeth Weir's husband

- Shrodinger!!!

- ugh Mayborne

- YOU TELL HIM GENERAL!!!

- "whoops"

- ah yes, the first of many iconic times they use Daniel as a way to avoid court marshaling XD

- Lya!!! Yay!!!

- the Nox are so cool, I wish we got more of them

- Solitudes

- oh boy this episode

- I feel like this had to be the beginning of the Sam/Jack ship right?

- "why didn't you say something?" "I was afraid you'd try to put a splint on it" I love his sass so much

- AHHHHH I LOVE DANIEL SAVING THE DAY BY BEING A NERD

- I don't understand why she wouldn't think "maybe there's something wrong with the Earth gate after what happened, let me try another world"

- LET'S GO DANIEL!!!

- "what happens when you try to dial your own phone number? Wrong person to ask." PFFFFT

- I think it's kinda hilarious she just assumes it's an ice planet because that's all she can see XD

- the fact that she goes back to him so they can be together at the end AHHHHH

- Tin Man

- I hate this episode, it irritates me and I'm skipping it

- There But for the Grace of God

- ahhhh this episode stresses me outtttt

- why must you always touch everything Daniel

- "oh I hate it when this happens" how many times has Daniel been left behind on a planet????

- his face when he comes through and people are aiming guns at him XD

- Politics

- god I hate Kinsey

- honestly, not a fan of flashback episodes

- "Because what is right is not measured by strength" DAMN RIGHT TEAL'C!!!

- god I still can't get over that scene of Teal'c standing on the gate ramp, blocking Kowalski's path

- Within the Serpent's Grasp

- something I'm just now really thinking about is, why is Apophis the only Goa'uld that did the whole wife and kid thing? No other Goa'uld that we've seen does that

- bro the way Daniel is looking at Sam when they're discussing the C-4 timer and rescuing Jack and Teal'c???

Season 2