#with depression
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anyone else's moods fluctuate such an insane amount that you basically shape shift into different people with different ideals and worldviews + personalities or do i have some other shit going on
#this is worded kinda funny but reading about DID and disassociative disorders more and realizing hey ur not supposed to lose time lile that#i experience a lot of memory gaps and i wake up not remembering anything from the day before besides glimpses#i know i have disassociation issues. i always have bc yknow. bipolar and such.. it comes with mania a lot for me and then it started to come#with depression#and now its all the time and its like sometimes the real me can peek through but usually im someone else#i dunno. sometimes i feel like different people. shit i would bring up with a therapist (if i had one) (insert meme)#i dont want to say i have alters persay but it kind of does feel like different people up there talking amongst themselves#(kind of normal given i have psychotic issues and positive schizophrenic symptoms)#Ohhhhh american healthcare....#i hope i can manage to get to at the very least a psychiatrist for medicine Lmfao. but theres always some new shit wrong w me as of late#honey's words
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northern hemisphere babes we made it to the longest night of the year. we made it. for the next 6 months, every day will give us a little more daylight than the last. let's go. take my hand. climb out of the darkness with me
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everytime i hear someone call depression and anxiety ‘destigmatized mental illnesses’ i wonder how they react when they find out someone has spent weeks or months in bed or struggles to shower or eat
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Depression comic
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temple at the end of the road
#artists on tumblr#i'm surprisingly okay with saying goodbye to summer this year#never had anything against autumn but i hate winter#but now i'm a little bit even looking forward to it?#maybe my mood is just better#hopefully the seasonal depression doesn't get a hold of me to change that#for now i'm very happy with hot soups and warm blankets
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#sometimes i try to play high energy music for others and then theyre like wow this is so depressing#like ah…… sorry
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#life hacks#gamer#pro tip#drinks#beverage#sweet treats#major depressive disorder#pristiq#twitter#all cops are bastards#ronald reagan is the devil
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What's everyone's favourite flowers that aren't like. The normal ones. Like everyone's a fan of roses and sunflowers what's a more niche one. One you don't get in gift sets. Mine's sweet peas
#other good ones are crocuses and lilacs#one time I was ill and depressed and my mum brought me a lil milk bottle full of fresh cut sweet peas from her garden 💖#i like that theyre colourful and i like climbing plants and they smell amazing#posts brought to you by me going to the park on my lunch break just to see all the crocuses
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it's so funny to me when i see pearl-clutching articles about how "teenagers are diagnosing themselves with mental disorders via tiktok" because like. this is not happening in a vacuum. teenagers are severely and i mean severely medically neglected. i cannot stress this enough. teenagers do not have free access to medical care. those same news outlets would be clowning on women with housewife psychosis in the 1950's.
i sometimes go pale when listening to some of what my friends have gone through in their childhoods and teenagehoods. they talk about it so nonchalantly, things that would be considered straight up torture if done to an adult, can't fathom the effect this has on children. they are on multiple anti-psychotics and several antidepressants and anxiety meds now that they are adults. medical neglect has legally and effectively disabled them. a timely diagnosis and intervention could have saved them. of course teenagers are self-diagnosing using tiktok. if your knee-jerk reaction is to scoff at the idea and dismiss it as dumb teenager shit instead of being radicalized because the best shot young people have at attaining the mental health support they need is a fucking dancing videos app, you're categorically a political enemy of the youth.
#youthlib#youth liberation#mental health#tw depressing stuff#tw mental health#tw mental illness#mental illness#tw trauma#trauma
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A former stray very happy to be inside
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I feel like shit yippee
I overslept today dad had to drive me to school and he asked me why I seem to have given up on school and why I don't even try to live my own life
I can't tell him it's because I was never planning to be around this long, because I've spent so long lying to therapists and psychologists that I don't want to die, and he's already lost important people to suicide so I can't do that to him.
What the hell am I supposed to do? I don't think my will to live will kick into gear any time soon :/
I have always sought comfort in fictional characters. I could make up some presumption that I don't actually believe, but I won't lie to you like that. I just don't think I can love people the way I love that which is not real. I came close to love, but I wouldn't call what I feel for my friends proper love. I love them more like I love the idea of something unattainable. I can't ever properly explain it no matter how hard I try. It's like how you love fire. It's beautiful, it's every shifting, I want nothing more than to hold it close to me, but it is ultimately fleeting and I'll be left in the cold again some day. I keep riding sticks in the fire, I want it to stay longer than the others. I like this one. Every time a fire burns out, I find a new one and love it more than before, so maybe it will stay burning.
In pain, in my tired and unhappy state today, with my head swimming, I tried to focus on the conversation, but my mind went to a character, like it always does. I was in distress and, like always, something in the back of my mind said safety would be delivered from someone that doesn't exist, not friends, not family, but in an anime character who would never love me.
If you listen to Again & Again by the bird and the bee, maybe you'll understand where I'm at mentally. It's not about the meaning behind the lyrics, just the feeling. I hope you get it.
There's so much more I could write but I'm getting tired of writing and the feeling will go away soon and then I won't post this so I'm going to post it before I can change my mind and invalidate myself and tell myself I'm fine.
I'm also already reluctant to post this because last time I posted my unfiltered feelings, my best friend cried. I don't want that. I don't want to be serious. Please. Please don't make me be serious.
Also just so we're clear I do not EVER under ANY circumstances want to speak about this shit in person, behind a screen I feel safe, and I won't go silent as a defense mechanism like I do in person
#If I tag this as writing practice will you pretend to believe me?#Please?#I'm just a silly little guy#With depression#Who can't love herself#I'm just a little bit broken#Please note: any and all metaphors and similes were made on the spot with little to no thought put into them prior to writing this
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we are so ableist about memory. people with good memory take for granted the fact that they can recall as much as they can, and use that to taunt, guilt and threaten people with memory issues. many neurotypes and mental illnesses cause memory lapses. traumatic brain injuries can cause memory lapses. brain cancer can cause memory lapses.
even if your memory is good, it's not right to guilt someone because they can't remember something. trust me, people with memory problems are desperately trying to remember: it's just that we literally can't. it is a very literal "i can't remember".
#adhd#psychosis#psychotic disorders#autism#memory problems#memory issues#did#dissociative identity disorder#dpdr#osdd#mental health#neurodivergences#schizophrenia#schizohprenic#actually autistic#actually adhd#actually schizophrenic#depression#our writing
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lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)
if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.
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no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.
I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.
I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.
If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.
#cw: suicidal ideation#cw: suicide#cw: self harm#cw: mental health#cw: depression#i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it#i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague#it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves#so. please dont#for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic#with the state of the world as it is#having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful#but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full#and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead#i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us#there is no fix-all#and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile#i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it#thank you for reading#and please stay alive#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics
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chronic fatigue from mental illness and neurodivergency isn't something you can just will your way out of. your nervous system is part of your body. your brain is an organ. the fatigue is real. you're not lazy. so be kinder to yourself. be gentler with your bodymind.
#softspoonie#chronic fatigue#fatigue#mental health#mental illness#chronic illness#chronically ill#mentally ill#neurodivergent#bodymind#depression#anxiety#autistic burnout#disability#disabled
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"I don't want to see anyone blaming abstaining voters for this!"
Of course you don't. The entire idea of abstaining was that you could pretend this didn't involve you. Not getting blamed was more important to you than doing any kind of damage control, more important than protecting any of the people you said you wanted to protect. And in this moment, I don't really care what you want. Of course, this isn't entirely your fault. Of course other people made this worse. But if you're going to pretend you had nothing to do with this, forgive me if I ignore you.
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