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siriuslygay1981 · 1 year ago

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Have y'all seen the hc where Remus is there when Sirius is arrested. If you haven't, you will now. If I had to see it so do you. So here's my mini version of that!!

Cw- lots of swearing, death, angst and heartbreak

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Sirius had just gotten there, had just barely comprehended what happened when a loud voice called out to him.

"Sirius black come out with your wand thrown to the floor!"

He wasn't sure what was happening still trying to grasp the fact that James...James was gone. Lily...sweet lovely lily was dead and Harry...just a small boy- he was...he's still here crying. His little screams echoed along with Sirius' racing thoughts, shocking him at the shrill and loud scream that came out of the small baby. He was so small, his tiny hand could barely hold two of Sirius' fingers.

His feet couldn't move, stuck to the floor before slowly snapping out of it. He had stumbled down the stairs after seeing them, had saw James on his way up and felt something inside him break. Half his soul was missing, like a vital fucking organ was ripped out. It was as if someone sucked the life source from his body, sucked the essence in which he was warm, was loved, was soft. Like a fucking sunflower as the sun set, for the last time, the flower wilted slowly, it's whole body sinking down in despair.

He'd never rise with the sun again, would never turn to see that bright grin that always had him grinning just as widely right back.

He hadn't let any air in as he pushed the nursery door open, he had seconds to comfort Harry before he couldn't take it.

He had stumbled back down the stairs and to the front door with bile rising in his throat. His hand was on the doorknob when the voice had spoke.

It was an order member...maybe some Aurors, they...they could help. Could get Peter and fucking kill him.

Rage took over, boiling, mad rage. He swung the door open, his face dark. Peter did this.. and he was going to pay, even if it fucking killed him, he was going to hurt Peter.

He was surrounded in seconds his whole body immediately wrapped in rope, he started to fall forward but two Aurors rushed forward and caught him, gripping him roughly.

"What-guys he's out there we have to-" he felt desperate as he spoke.

Sirius pushed the grief aside, first Peter had to go down then he could mourn both his brother and the betrayal of another brother.

Remus came into view, his face was ashen, it hardened as he stepped closer.

"Don't fight it Black. We already know."

Sirius huffed annoyed.

"if you already know them release me! We have little time before that rat 🐁 gets away!"

Remus' face went through a whirlwind of emotions as the Aurors started to drag him forward.

He struggled in their grasp trying not to think of the blank wide eyed faces of his brother and his sister in law.

"Stop. Just stop, you can't fool us Black, not again."

It was then he stopped fighting. Thought he misheard the first time. He felt the air leave his lungs, his stomach lurching up once again.

Black. Said with disdain..anger.

He..thinks I did this. He thinks I betrayed them. His stomach drops, his throat tightening.

"What-" he could feel the beginnings of laughter building in his throat. Nothing was funny, nothing except maybe Remus thinks he betrayed lily and James.

His laugh wasn't the typical one from a successful prank or some unfunny joke that was so ridiculous he couldn't help but laugh. No, no, it reminded him of his days in locked cupboards, bloody faces, bruised arms. The laugh of a rebel son spitting in the face of his abusers knowing he'd barely make it out alive for his disobedience. It was hysterical in a way he hadn't felt in so long.

"We know you were working with Voldemort this whole time Sirius. Give it up, you've already killed all our friends, isn't that enough?" Remus didn't make eye contact only spoke in his direction.

"You think-" he couldn't force more out, could barely choke out those two words.

"You-you think-" his heart was crumbling, he was shaking, he doesn't think he's ever felt so fucking hopeless. He didn't realize how much heartbreak, hurt- pain you could put in just two words until now.

He could hear the other Aurors murmuring and could see them eyeing him in disgust. He never cared before now, the ones he loved knew he wasn't like his heritage, that's all that mattered. Now though..he felt the world crumbling beneath his feet, more and more he sunk into the ground, into the concrete, he was weak and breaking as the seconds passed by in slow distorted time, he couldn't hold himself up.

"You think I-" and he was laughing, and laughing and choking on sobs.

You think I did this? You think I hurt James and lily? You think I took Harry's parents from him? You think I killed my brother?

He surged forward cackling wildly, gasps and sobs mixing and melding with his manic laughs. This had to be a joke. Had to be a prank, it wasn't a funny one though, wasn't their usual style.

"Y-you think-"

You think I'm just my last name? You think I'm a black? You think I betrayed them? You think I killed them? You don't believe me? You have been getting closer just to expose me? You don't feel the same..

"It was a bit obvious, no?" Remus said suddenly angry.

"You were trying to gain my trust, my undeniable loyalty-" Remus' voice cracked and oh...oh how it hurt to see Remus explain his feelings away. Sirius wasn't feeling too well all of a sudden. It was hit after hit, he felt worse than the day Regulus turned death eater, felt sick and Merlin if he could just get some air into his lungs.

It struck Sirius all of a sudden, Peter bloody Pettigrew framed him.

"I think you should go for it, I mean you might never get the chance. With the war and all?"

"Peter fucking pettigrew-" he choked out astonished.

One of his best friends, his fucking brother had killed one of their own, had gone and framed him by manipulating his feelings.

"You would disappear at random times, not telling where you were or what you'd done." Remus continued as Sirius was shoved to the floor face first. He breathed out heavily his chest constricting as he struggled to breathe.

"You were the secret keeper, how bloody stupid do you think we are?" Remus shook his head as he stared down at Sirius.

I was framed. I was framed bloody brilliantly because I was an idiot. And no one will ever believe me. Not the man I love, not the friends I had made.

The only ones who know are dead and it's all my fault.

He felt the rocks dig into his face, into his arms and his jeans. He had thrown on an outfit ready for a small outing to the bar in Peters neighbourhood, knew he'd have a few drinks and head home. He even made a list because it was funny, knew he rarely finished lists but he wanted to rub it in Lily's face that he finished one today.

Check on Peter, go to the bar, go home, try to sleep for a few restless hours.

Check on Peter. He had walked up the steps to his flat, had knocked and got no answer, had grabbed his spare key he always hid in the plant and checked inside. He was already halfway done with the first thing, easy peasy.

"I'll be home all night pads."

Sirius was known not to finish lists- assignments, was often too busy with other things. He put things off, procrastinated as long as he could.

He felt his gut tighten with anxiety, wasn't sure yet-or maybe he just didn't want it to be true- about what the feeling of dread meant. He flew out of the house in record time, his long legs running as fast as he could.

To his bike and to the Potters and the door was ajar. It was eerily quiet and he went inside, He stood still for just a moment, his mind was blank.

He wishes, truly aches, to have finished this list. Wishes that it was just a silly nightmare and he'd wake up to go check on Peter. Would greet Peter and tease him about his new girlfriend he visited so often.

But now he was staring at the tall freckled man in front of him. His face was being pushed into the floor, a knee in his back as they waited for backup. He couldn't breathe- the world was crushing him under its boot, he struggled to speak, could barely get coherent words out.

"Remus I- I didn't...Remus it wasn't some grand plot. I L-"

"Black. Im not exactly surprised we are here, wish this could've been different." Moody interrupts, limping over with a grim face.

Sirius closed his eyes. There was no point. No point in fighting, Peter had got him, had pulled the biggest prank on the lot of them.

Of course he was a bloody rat. There were no signs, he had just been Pete, shy Loving Pete. Should he have noticed? He had suspected Remus at one point, and felt ashamed. Was he a bad friend for not noticing the change in Peter? Before it was too late, they were all scared he should've checked in more, surely. Should've Floo'd in or came over for tea. Ask how his mother was, asked more about his girlfriend.

Why fight when no matter what he said, what he did, they'd hold his last name against him. Guess his parents got their last kick of revenge on Sirius. They're probably laughing down in hell, glad he goes down as a traitor.

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Bonus;

"Even though we have overwhelming evidence that you were a spy for the dark side, would you want to do a trial?"

Sirius glanced up, his whole body numb. The wind blew against his newly shaved head, his shoulders hunched up against the cold. His limbs felt heavy, heavier with the chunky handcuffs and chains on his wrists and ankles pulling him down. The world was pushing down on him harder, overwhelming, constant, heavy, weight.

James was gone.

He felt a small piece of hope spark, he could get Peter, he could go home. He could mourn then sleep in his warm bed and cry, all he had to do was try to convince them of his innocence.

"We would administer Veritaserum-"

The hope died again, his eyes dimmed. Veritaserum-...he was doomed to this fate, he could see it all go down in his head.

'And how did you become friends with Mr lupin, Mr Potter and Mr Pettigrew?How did you get so close that you were the Potters secret keeper?'

'What are your thoughts about these three?'

The first ones were easy, 'Hogwarts of course.'.

'Well you see Mr minister of magic, we found out our best buddy was a werewolf and as we found a way to illegally help him we grew closer. Usually happens when doing highly illegal things together, builds trust.'

The third was a bit more complicated

'oh well right now I think Peter Pettigrew is a dirty rat, a traitor and that he was my brother and he will die a painful bloody death.'

'James...James was the air in my lungs, the love in my chest. He was the sun on my skin and I was saved by him. He was my brother, my best friend, my everything. And he's dead because of me.'

'Remus..I thought Remus was someone I loved. Really truly loved. He's the light in the dark, he was more than just my friend, he was someone I was willing to do anything for. I might even love him.'

Betrayed by two of his brothers, killed another and the love of his life doesn't believe him.

"No trial." He whispered cutting the Auror off mid-sentence.

What other choice did he have?

'And Mr black could you tell us who the werewolf is?'

'Remus lupin, it's in his name innit?'

Inevitably they'd ask, he'd doom Remus to a worse fate. Would condemn another to take his place in prison or an equally worse situation. He couldn't do that, not to Remus. He could see Remus speaking to Moody his body stiff as Moody nodded slowly to his words.

He was set in his decision when he saw Remus' thumb slide over the bracelet on his wrist. Remus was taking comfort in it, he could feel Remus on his own wrist, the bracelets magically connected in a one way call.

I'll hate you until I can't, love you even when it hurts. I'll be back and then...when I set everything straight I'll mourn more than just our past but our future too.

He looked away as Remus looked over to him.

I'm sorry.

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