#will it make my skin rough
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the constant internal struggle of do i want 2 take T or do i just wish i were a cis man and ill be miserable either way
#but then ill never know until i do i it#i wont lose anything#but it is so much effort n i am already so tired#also why i steer clear of any trans realization media ive finally made it out of the aching crying clawing stage and i fear it BAJH.. ..#(emotionally)#my insecurities ruin everything#i wish i could just transition and be happy#but all i can think about is will i be uglier#will it make me even worse to the public#will it make my skin rough#im more nonbinary than anything anyways n i always have been#so i dont feel pressured to or anything#but its My wants#that. r so . hard to understand#i dream of just being some guy almost everyday#but then . can i be#would i be#i wish i could shapeshift more than anything#some days i want a body more feminine and others more masculine#but neither are what i have#because theyre both perfect & attractive in my head#and ill never be that#i would like to try hrt and see if it helps. if it makes me like myself or gives me a different perspective#but im scared HJHA.. . i cant even go to the doctor for my anxiety meds#and it makes it feel so Big#and im terrified because of that ill live my life wrong but knowing exactly what was wrong the entire time#and the regret will kill me. i have the privilege to know#but im not acting on it#i already wasted 23 years of my life stuck here . unable to do anything or be myself. will i ever get out will i ever change#will i ever be ok
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self indulgent post of the day: the chain going to modern reader's time and being absolutely horrified by the utter lack of chivalry and basic respect shown towards women. Many gross men are beaten up, and it is glorious.
#linked universe#linked universe x reader#yes i am busy lamenting the fact that my birth control makes my skin rough and itchy and discolored#but men's birth control was scrapped because it gave them HEADACHES#im furious about that and as such#my blorbos get to carry out the violence I wish I could
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NEWT
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Adam's turn... <3
I really like doing portraits like this... if they didn't take so long I'd do them way more
#seriously each of these took like 5 hours LOL#it was really hard to get them to match too#cause steve is so like. rough. and has a lot more textures going on in his skin and beard and stuff?#so it's really easy to trick the brain into being like “woag thats detailed and feels real”#versus adam is extremely smooth and well kept#so it's a loooot harder to get them to feel like...#on the same level#while still being in the same style#so it took at least an hour of futzing#maybe 2 LOL#to get them to feel on the same level of detail and in the same style!!!#ok enjoy#portrait#illustration#digital art#my art#adam#time and time again#ttawebcomic#also I will DEFINITELY be uploading their two portraits side by side like... at some point#so#idk dont 'be on the lookout' for that#but I think it makes like a stronger post so definitely expect to see these a few times#I mean it took me like 10+ hours to draw them YOURE SEEIN EM OKAY
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i just spent ages looking for the post, i swear i posted about it when i broke my beloved fish plate like a year ago, but now he's finally back together! i just have to wait a week or so for the resin to cure , and then i can go in and wipe away the excess gold. even though the process was frustrating and VERY time-consuming and i lost motivation halfway through and let it sit on the shelf unfinished for like 14 months, i'm glad i went to the trouble of learning how to actually kintsugi it with resin and gold instead of rushing it with epoxy and mica powder.
the before pics (freshly broken and after the initial gluing):
#kinda wish i'd gotten pics of him when i'd filled in the voids and done all the coats of resin on top and sanded them down#the different types of resin were different colors and after sanding it had kind of a marbled look#the process basically goes like: filing down sharp edges to create a gap for the gold to show#gluing everything back together with resin mixed with flour and water to make it strong and sticky#filling in the voids with resin mixed with fine sawdust to make it strong (this part took the longest bc you can't put the paste on thickly)#creating a uniform surface with resin mixed with (i think) fine clay powder#creating a smooth finish by alternately painting on layers of pure resin and sanding it down once cured#(the resin will wrinkle if applied too thickly or if it's too humid)#(this is also used to smooth out the rough areas that the resin/clay step couldn't fix)#and finally painting on a final layer of resin and applying gold powder and burnishing it slightly#each layer of resin takes about a week to cure#if my apartment was more humid and if i hadn't lost steam i think this would've taken me... three months#and thats assuming i could work on it every weekend#seriously it's only worth doing if it's a piece you really love#alternatively if you didn't care about looks you could just stop after sticking it together but idk how food safe it would be#ALSO. BIG word of warning.#the uncured resin could give you a really nasty painful rash if you touch it with bare skin#it is not a joke#once it's cured tho it's inert
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Doodled a Suns on the new tablet 👌 I am increasingly into this feather mane thing I've been trialling lately
#seven red suns#rain world#assembly#fluffy suns rights 🙏#the feathers are attached to a sort of organic cloth thing that has touch receptors and muscles in it like real feathered skin#so they can give feather scritches and also puff up and move the feathers#but it is still technically sort of clothing#feather graft??? kinda?#prosthetic mane??#they make the thing with lots of places in the side to attach jewellery#pretty chains and such#and the feathers are showy neck and crest feathers#they probs got a variety of different manes with different colours and shit#....late assembly anyway. currently in assembly they have none#but it's in their brain#on the fashion experiments list#my art#rough and sketchy#oh also there is a variant of this sketch in which peepaw sig is cuddling them#good shit#SRS outfits
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Some touhou redesign concepts mixed with full first drafts
#I often feel Mokou looks too similar to Reimu#do I chopped off some of mokou’s clothes skin and hair#kept the bow cause it alludes to the childhood aspect of her character#but it was clearly last minute#these are all rough drafts#oh also she has a sun shaped scar on her chest#idea is that Kaguya would have some moon symbol as a parallel#youmu is obviously very different#I leaned into a jet stream Sam or Carlos Miyamoto idea (Brazilian samurai cuz they’re awesome)#as you can see I didn’t have those spots on the fancy shirt tux thing before#on a second draft I’d remove the spots and make the sleeves white like the undershirt#tho I wonder how much of that I’d even keep#sakuya izayoi#yukari yakumo#marisa kirisame#fujiwara no mokou#youmu konpaku#touhou#touhou project#my art#I def went too far with the clock hands for Sakuya’s blush and eyebrows but I do like the button line ribbon set up#came up with that while designing Marisa and went back to add it to Sakuya#and Yukari I don’t know how to draw that was a learning exp above all else#touhou redesign#moose art
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It's just one life
Rough pass boards
Also thumbnails!
#Bruce Banner#General Ross#Rick Jones for two seconds#I'm so sorry these are so rough#between work and having to wear a heart monitor thats making my skin itch I haven't been able to do much drawing#(I promise I'm good)#(just been one of those weeks)
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the problem with playing D&D is you have ships 'n' blorbos that only 4 other people know about
#still thinkin' about that motherfucker Cormac from the Thieves Guild#and how he lives rent free in Ariadne's brain#and therefore my brain#and how i have to deal with the fact that she wouldn't think about#that as much as she's plagued with conflicting feelings about this motherfucker#i honestly don't think that there's much reason that she would've made as much of an impact on him as he has on her#and it's driving me insane#like he got under her skin instantly because the first time they met she had just used her inspiration point only to roll two nat 1s#trying to get a crowd to disperse before things got rough#and this motherfucker sweeps in and does what she couldn't while also kind of shitting on the temple#which she couldn't even really argue because he wasn't really wrong but also this is the thing that makes up her identity#and she was fuckin' pissed#i mean we did also get sent to make a deal with him to keep the city chill while rise of the zombies was dealt with in the high district#so she#the temple's Brand Newest Paladin in full fuckin' armor gets sent into the den of the Thieves Guild#to talk with the guy who's been pretty openly (and frankly fairly) dunking on said temple#and we come out of it having to do a favor for him to get his help#and as much as she'd love to cover it with 'well we're really doing it because the prince wants us to and it's for the good of the city'#the fact that at the end of the day they were doing something on this motherfucker's orders was such a bur under her saddle#i think he got the party drinks while we were talking with him but ariadne didn't touch hers#because A) she's pretty sure someone would've spit in it and B) fuck u cormac fuck ur hospitality and fuck u#ANYWAY#all this happened over a year ago irl (not sure how long in-game) and YET#there's also the problem that our sessions have been shorter and more sporadic#which gives me more time between sessions to obsess over stupid shit#like a NPC who we haven't seen in a fuckin' year
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Dont be angry, Finnula said. Be smart.
#Chapter 23#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#Elide Lochan#Finnula#no spoilers pls first read along w me chapter spoilers in post & tags below w more annotations/quotes/notes/reacts/perspective 3 of 4#The City of Rivers… can Aelin get a City of Fire? cuz that would be cool & Elide already said “fear was another companion it can’t be worse#IT WAS LORCANS SHIRT😭 & he cared so much he lied so she’d use it from Gavriel/Rowan😭 OH ELORCAN😭😭😭#Yet this place seemed like a paradise. WHATS REAL? is it a Maeve illusion… but it sounds lovely; like Rowan could just fly around😭#Pink and blue flowers draped from windowsills; little canals wended between some of the streets ferrying people in bright long boats.#And though a good dose of fear would aid in her cover too much would spell her doom. -smart clever spy gal Annabeth Chase would be proud#And this city Rowan had told Elide had been built from stone to keep Brannon or any of his descendants from razing it to the ground.#when u know ur evil cuz you had to build in a backup plan for the day Brannons peeps eventually come to shut that shit down… my poor Aelin#Elide fought the limp that grew with each step farther into the city--farther away from Gavriel's magic… or Lorcan’s👀😭🖤🤨#okay Elide I see your mirror mirror Aos moves with the berry listen and compact trick she can do it with a broken heart#cycle. She hadn't been able to find the words anyway. Not with what it would crumple in her chest to even think them. WELL NOW IM CRUMPLED#As if she'd been weeping for weeks… yeah that fits the KoA vibes#But it wasn't the reflection she wanted to see. But rather the square behind her. — BRILLIANT QUEEN — lol thx Lorcan for having a mirror#if only anything could be a witch mirror then they could all cell chat and communicate cause the travel time in this one is rough#she was merely staring into a compact mirror no more than a self-conscious girl trying to fix her frazzled appearance — she is the best spy#A girl trying to muster some dignity. Let them see what they wanted to see-A girl far out of her element in this lovely well-dressed city#cornflower blue ALWAYS THESE SHADES#her golden-brown skin shone with an inner light. Her eyes were soft with kindness. And concern.#had always made them foolishly off guard and eager to get away. To tell her what she needed to know. — funny 2 watch Elide do this after HoF#The sort of voice Elide had always imagined great beauties possessing the sort of voice that made men fall all over themselves.#Cairn. One of the males swore; the other scanned Elide from head to toe. But the two females had gone still. — agreed he’s the worst#the portrait of hope—yeah child’s right cause no—Elide always naming people—If you escaped Cairn don't go looking for him again.—true#Cairn is blood-sworn to our queen. Still makes him a prick TRUTH — doesn’t need to be a far to catch the lie — WHERE IS SHE DAMNIT#She was about to do it again wheen… The dark-haired beauty from the tavern was standing behind her. — SHIT#Maeve was not in Doranelle. How long would that remain true? Had to make the next performance count. — how many had she done this already?🥹😭
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Ok also so I got my eyebrow and nose piercings back in... march, I think? I was supposed to go back in to get the bars changed out some time ago but I never did. Largely bc my eyebrow piercing has Not been healing smoothly (keep accidently banging it and getting it caught on things so it doesn't wanna heal) but I think the long bar has been actively hindering my healing (making it easier to get caught on things) so I decided to change it out Myself. Bought some new smaller jewelry online and it got here today and
I'm not generally squeamish when it comes to my own body. Like pain, blood, whatever. Don't rly care.
That, though... that took some effort.
But I did it! Smaller jewelry to hopefully make healing a little smoother from here on out. I also got some new jewelry for my nose stud that'll get here tomorrow. That one at least won't be a huge deal, since the nose piercing has healed so much more smoothly, thankfully.
(Preemptive warning for Gross Details in the tags. Lol)
#speculation nation#for the eyebrow piercing it's like....#ok this is kinda gross hfkshfks but i think i. at one point when it got caught on something#i think i like. tugged the piercing. um. smaller#?#like the area of skin that the eyebrow piercing runs thru is. smaller. bc it literally tore some of the actual pierced skin.#hurt like a BITCH i'll fuckin tell you that lmfao. ive been a lot more careful since.#but thats another thing with why i wanted a smaller thing. the prior one was fucking Massive in there. way too much#but now i have smth smaller. thinner too. which i hope will help with healing.#downsizing while healing will reduce the amount of variation in jewelry i can stick in there#but tbh i think itd just be wiser to stick to small things anyways. with the thinner patch of skin there.#i dont WANT to rip my eyebrow piercing out. which that was part of what made changing it so hard hfkshfm#these new ones r like screw on ends. but the one before was a pin i had to pull out.#and Let Me Tell You. i was so fucking scared of accidentally ripping it out when trying to pull that bitch. holy shit.#i got it without ripping anything. it still hurt and it bled a good bit but i got it.#switched out the jewelry. which eugh that part was pretty rough too. like not to be gross but rootin around in ur own skin is. somethin#hfksfhksbfmd but it's done and i dont intend to change it until it's healed more. so hopefully it will be. easier then.#i actually took out my nose piercing.. yesterday? to try to switch out with a shorter back#didnt work bc it was thicker. had to put the old one back in. which THAT was harrowing but mostly bc it was so. fucking. hard to do#but the new nose jewelry i got is supposed to come with a thing that makes it easier to put the nose jewelry on#(the hard part is trying to put a flat back base in from the inside of the nose. cant see SHIT in there 😭)#man. facial piercings really arent for the squeamish. good thing im not scared of pain but it has even me like Eughhh#couldve been mitigated has i gone back to the piercer. but oh well. fuck it we ball 💪#ummm should i tag for this lol#gross/#😂
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New Paranormal Shirt Swatch
A quick recolor of that one shirt from the Paranormal pack, because all the ones available were too pastel-y and you just can't put a ghost-hunting vampire cat in pastels. It's an override for the vanilla shirt that just adds one extra swatch, all the rest are unaffected.
Download:
SimFileShare
#s4:all#s4:clothes#having a rough time at the moment so a lot of bigger projects are moving slow but hey I made a thing#I try not to overuse my cat skins in cc screenshots but I did make this one specifically for him
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clint & wanda. friends. avengers.
since reading @writteninscarlet clint and wanda drabble has me thinking. i need everyone to bare witness to the cutiepies.
#the skin tone adjustment i tried to do for comic wanda is a rough but heyo#some are better than others#ANYWAYS#I JUST NEEDED THESE ON MY BLOG#they are such cute friends 🥰#[ VISAGE ] I'd rather stay in character like Daniel Day Lewis like Stanislavsky I like playing dumb it makes me feel smart sometimes#[ ABOUT ] I guess I just need something or someone to believe in or maybe I just need someone who believes in me#[ COMICS ] Now in ink and color !
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I went in the shower for the first time in a week because my brains a little bitch, someone praise me plz
#i feel like ive been going through the god damn trenches the way my brains making me feel#been taking it one day at a time for far too long im slowly dying 🧎♂️#but i went in the shower wOOOO#i fucking hate showers#the sensory issues showers give me is just eeUUGGHHHKKKIAIAIA no#I HATE FEELING WET IT MAKES ME WANT TO RIP MY SKIN OFF#but i did it anyway so i should get a medal plz#depression 🤝🏻 the tism = making me want to rip my own head off#i need a medal for going in the shower and my mum wants me to get a job HA no#autism#mental health#its rough out here#depression
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i'm moving into a new apartment this week ( HALLELUJAH TBH ) but that means all my freetime after work is being eaten up by moving boxes, unpacking, sorting, organizing, eTC. so i probably won't get to many replies this week !! just a heads up c: ... anddddd worse, i continue to have to delay the messages i desperately need to reply to KJASJKJJ i'M SORRY !!!
#when i come back i will be a better oomf tho i hope ;_; !!!! lifes been kinda roUGH & i think that's made socializing xtra hard : c#but. new apartment is the 1st home ive had in many yrs that doesnt make me want to peel my skin off and crawl under my bed and not come out#its not much and the bar is pretty low for me but ... having my own comfortable space is going to make me a lot more productive i think#hehehehe
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it only lasted like 5 pages but I really prefer dustfinger's scars being disfiguring rather than "drawn on with a pencil"
#meggie being like 'looks like you got attacked by godzilla' then 'i didnt mean that' when shes less pissed at him later#i WOULD have accepted that as part of meggie's coming-of-age and learning she needs to not be a bitch about people's appearances#except that everyone else in the series from then on agrees w her that the scars are barely noticeable#boring!!!!#would have been nice for her to be like 'yeah you healed rough (i mean. as well as expected considering you probably had 6 total stitches)#but im growing up out of practical isolation and learning that facial differences dont play a part in whether someone is good or bad:-)'#WHICH!! is a belief i would expect from someone who loves roald dahl and jekyll n hyde which she does#whatever ms funke does have a problem with equating happy endings with being abled and ~looking normal~#resa getting her voice back bc shes good but cockerall getting a limp bc hes bad and darius losing his stutter for some reason#violante's skin clearing up bc people realize shes a sweetheart but balbulus losing a hand when we realize he sucks#and dustfinger's fkcing scars changing in severity depending on whether hes the good guy or bad guy in the scene#bleh#i also headcanon he has p bad nerve damage aint no way basta cut so deeply he looked freshly gored for months afterward#and still has full use of his facial muscles#meggie's like 'never seen anyone that smiles like he does' girl the bottom half of his face is not connected to the top anymore hes trying#also good explanation for why hes always touching his face if he cant fkcing feel it#dustfinger#inkheart#im gonna try so hard to make more inkheart posts i literally feel grief in my heart seeing that person say#they havent thought about it in years#it's my sole responsibility to fix this#says kenna
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