#will i ever learn? who knows
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Apparently much-needed reminder that reposting artists' art (by saving the images or screenshotting them and reuploading them yourself) on other platforms without the artists' expressed permission and without credit is theft and an insult to their passion and craft. You are profiting (in views, in attention, in feedback) from someone else's work and ideas, who do not get that feedback for sharing their creation.
If you are an art reposter, you are a thief and I have no respect for you.
#learn basic internet etiquette i am begging but also holding a knife. yes i'm mad. more about others than myself.#do you know how many artists i have seen leave social media because their art started being reposted all over?#tip: way too fucking many#i've had many people tell me about people reposting my art on tiktok#no one ever asked to repost my art on tiktok. ever. they just save super fried bad crunchy jpegs of my art and repost them#they get 20k likes and don't even bother naming me#also a reason i started signing my name more legibly and why my blog web address is always there but apparently no one can even read that#a few people got an ok for translations on other platforms though#i'm going to be annoying with this post and reblog it a few times to try to catch the people who apparently need to be told#tiny skk adventures#nawy's comics#nawy's doodles#apparently those are reposters' favourites so here look at this
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Tick Tock, Teddy-Bear.
#the bastards box wasn’t enough I had to trap this fucker in a hour glass#IM NEVER RENDERING GOLD AGAIN IN MY LIFE I DIDNT LEARN THE FIRST TIME-#anyway guess who’s not dead. sorry I disappeared for a hot sec as you might be able to deduce this one took a while#also life happened lol. I was doing this inbetween uni work a social life and being ill.#I’m not going to reveal how long this one took because I’m genuinly ashamed I put so much time into drawing Ted fucking Spankoffski#just know this might be the most amount of time and effort Iv ever put into a artwork in my entire life#I’m not too mad about it actually because I wanted to make one final big artwork before I turn 20#ted spankoffski#theodore spankoffski#starkid#team starkid#starkid productions#starkid fanart#fanart starkid#time bastard#starkid time bastard#time bastard nightmare time#nightmare time#starkid nightmare time#hatchetfield nightmare time#nmt#hatchetfield#hatchetverse#hatchetfield universe#fanart#my art
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on the one hand I think inner demons could stand to have a bit more romanced rook specific content, but on the other hand the underlying in-built implication that 'yours is the one true voice of comfort and safety in my inner world' is a sentiment and intimacy so way beyond the romantic or the platonic or any secret third thing you could care to name that it makes me lose my entire poor little mind a bit. it's so big and fundamental — near-existential — that in that exact moment at least the distinctions kind of seem irrelevant.
all the people lucanis' mind conjures up along the way are relationships he has that are unavoidably mixed and fraught in some ways even when they're also full of love (they are fraught BECAUSE they're full of love) — the good in them inseparable from things that hurt him at the same time. (it's about: the basic disorganized attachment patterns this poor guy is dragging around with him. careful with those, they're dellamorte heirlooms. what you love also inevitably hurts you and you won't be allowed to have one without the other, you have to surrender parts of your soul to hold on to what little you have left: this is the story up until now.) and the idea that rook isn't that to him — that beneath the fear of wanting them when romanced (which is more its own separate thing because within this psychology, actively wanting something and not just clinging on for dear life to even a meager status quo lest you lose it is in itself dangerous bordering on catastrophic), this is a relationship where there isn't resentment, or guilt, or shame, or dread, or rage, or self-hate, or any of the other emotions that keep him paralyzed, unable to move this way or that. no debts, nothing owed of yourself and your soul's substance except what you can freely and safely and happily give. love and freedom don't coexist — but, I mean, you're almost starting to make me think........... unless...👀👀👀. the unconditional and undramatic 'you are here and I am here with you, you can be exactly how you are right now with me and it's safe for us both even though you're afraid it won't be, I'm not going anywhere' acceptance rook shows him here that he returns to them in the big romance scene, when it's rook who needs it. the way he's just. standing there in the center of it all, like a child desperately helplessly waiting to be found, hiding in the place he hopes you'll know to look first. (rook does know. it's one of the first things they say in there.)
in short the most important room in his little mind palace for the romance is the very first room — the one where rook isn't. where, in fact, rook cannot be, because they disprove the entire structure of the place with their existence and presence in his life. with everyone else he's putting words in their mouths about what they think of him, and rook is the one who actually gets to come in to speak their own words to him — and have him listen. ('he'll listen to you, he always listens to you', 'your voice is a comfort'.) of course rook isn't present anywhere else in there — at the risk of stating the obvious to a tedious degree, they aren't one of the locks, they're bringing the key. in the very finest 'the messenger and the message' sort of way.
#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#rook x lucanis#rookanis#dragon age meta#rook is his first brush with actual safe attachment. and to me and because of who I am as a person#nothing could be more romantically devastating or impactful fhdsjkfhs that's literally the unreachable wistful dream the pie in the sky#the garrus romance echoes too. some of the same stuff going on under the hood here#you know who else he's sneakily like too actually? iron bull. the 'no matter where I turn I'll hurt someone I love' and dissociation stuff#there's that whole line about 'walking close to the edge or whatever'#which is masterful as a diversion b/c what this romance is really about is feeling truly safe with someone#in a sort of weirdly realistic way that makes it struggle with the conventions of video game romance but sure is Doing something!#and I unwittingly made a rook who also is on that specific arc so it's working out just devastating for me thanks for asking#the part in andrea gibson's 'prism' that's like. there is no shelter in the womb it's where you learn the cord that feeds you#could at any moment wrap around your neck. I think that's the initial understanding of love here. which is not good. if you think about it.#I don't think I really write these kinds of posts btw I just black out for a while and when I wake up from the trance I too#get to read what the fuck I've been thinking about finally. corralling that raging electric storm#that keeps overtaking my neurons at regular intervals and translating it into if not sense then certainly words. lots of words#no one is ever more surprised than me to find out what i'm thinking and feeling
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i would like to share this VERY handy tutorial on drawing cars by the ever-immaculate EtheringtonBrothers (twitter, instagram)
#tutorial#cars#etheringtonbrothers#knight rider#transformers#resources#tagging the two fandoms i can think of who might need this the most lmfao#thank you EB i would never be able to draw kitt without you o7 coupled with my gmod references of a kitt car model too of course#please check out their accounts they have so so so many good tutorials. absolutely phenomenal tutorials. on like Everything ever#i know cars are THE biggest pain in the ass to draw ever so here's where i learned it 👉👉#you still gotta do a bit of thinking but its amazing how much even just this one trick can do for you. it carries HARD
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I love you messy artstyle i love you visible brush strokes I love you textures and rough edges I love you imperfections I love you roughness and colour blobs I love you scratchy sketches and bold stylisation and dirt and imperfections I love you ugly and raw emotion!!!!! ❤️
#i talk sometimes#art talk#i made a tweet like this on twatter ages ago but i've been feeling this a lot lately#also this is the start of me writing more on this blog and not only using it as art because who cares!! i don't!!#I wanna translate raw emotion into colors and shapes. I wanna know where to ignore all details and where to go ham you feel me?#i used to dream about developing a style like for MtG where it looked like a masterful oil painting that oozes realism and details#and i've realised the last two years or so that I would actually hate that for me. I know I wouldn't enjoy doing it. For myself.#it's that pipeline from wanting to be the perfect realistic wotc artist to accepting that I will never be that#instead i wanna learn how to stylise better and get a good brush economy going yknow. I wanna be bolder.#i doubt i'll ever be as incredible as all these MtG artists no matter what anyone says. but it's ok!! i don't have to be!!!#i just luv art man!!
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Reimagined Trinity
a WIP that I’ve technically been working on for over a year but never finished and so I’m just posting now bc why not. Design thoughts below:
BATMAN
lighter on the bottom darker on the top like how fish blend in with the sea floor/sky differently depending on whether you’re above or below them
shorts mimic urban landscape
simple bat symbol. Kinda constellation like
big stomping boots bc he deserves it and also needs good grip
SUPERMAN
yellow/orange inside of cape mimic sun :) (this is a design feature that I think should be used wayyy more often)
break up the full blue with soft alien designs. Not armoured plating
ridges on his sleeves so people can hold on easier
sleek boots bc his only job is to fly and look pretty
princely looking collar
El crest is his golden age design but with different colours
WONDER WOMAN
this is just a design I’ve drawn a lot
clay pottery bodice that can glow
protective underlayer
bandages for aesthetic & purpose. Supposed to evoke Greek sandals
barefoot bc obviously
clay-textured skin because the way that Alex Ross draws her breaking apart in Justice is imprinted on my mind
sword hilt is the Wonder Woman symbol!
hair is free enough to have motion and stuff but constrained enough (especially on sword side) that it won’t get as caught in things or get in the way
#will I ever learn to do a painterly style properly? nahhhh#rip Batman’s belt#you were one of the last pieces i had to do#who knows#maybe one day I’ll turn to properly finish#dc comics#batman#superman#my art#clark kent#bruce wayne#wonder woman#diana prince#diana of themyscira
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His gorgeous beefcake charm and funny tactical boba holster have captivated me
#nine sols#nine sols kuafu#doodles#aseukiart#kuafu nine sols I love youuuuuuu I hope nothing bad happens to you ever#Known him for only 30 seconds but have already been sold on his endearing attitude#<-only just started playing so doesn't know anything#Everyone has Very Good Shapes in this its been a while where I've played smthn that made me want to draw the characters designs this quickl#maybe someday I'll draw Yi too who know#looks at him#shakes him#Somethings wrong with him I Know it idk What I can't wait to find out#No Spoilers btw I'll Learn when I Learn#anyways this was a nice break trundling back to my holiday art hole#<-should have started a month ago and yet here we are
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Teehee! (Spritesheets your Wangxian)
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#pixel art#game dev diary#When you read these tags please imagine it is at my bedside in a candlelit room as I lay in bed shaking with fever.#I weakly hand you an envelope with these spritesheets and you have to lean in to hear my rasping voice.#Because I *know* this is probably really straightforward to a lot of artists.#But this is my first time doing something like this *EVER*. I am so far outside of my comfort zone!#But *who* is pd-mdzs if not that art blog that keeps you all on your toes for what to expect?#For someone who has never done pixel art I think I did okay! I have learned a lot B*)#The more exciting news is that THESE ACUALLY WORK. They can run around and be put into situations!#(Well...the *original* files work; these are screenshots. The real files are microscopically small)#Get ready for a new era of content while I continue to learn more about sprite art and animation.#I have a lot of other assets to practice making so seriously; get ready for some wild MDZS (and Dungeon Meshi) fake game clips.#I want to recreate some scenes in the game engine to practice and experiment! I think that's really fun!#Next up is dialogue window icons and then battle art!
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this is all snufmin related i am so sorry
#beebsart#art#moomins#the moomins#moominvalley#moomintroll#snufkin#snufmin#springdove#context for the 5th image is i thought itd be fun if snufkin was the one who didnt know how to ice skate#like moomintroll was taught how to by too ticky over the winter#but snufkin doesnt spend much time in winter conditions or nobody ever taught him any winter skills. like hes the springsummer guy#so moomintroll has to teach him instead of the other way around cus i feel snufkin teaches moomintroll to many things and not vice versa#like make it feel more balanced i feel it would be fun if they learn equal amounts of stuff from each other#that is my two cents. and headcanon . thank you
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Evolution of Eliot/Hardison hugs over the years.
And the one time that Eliot really needed a hug:
Leverage S02E08/S03E10/S04E01/S04E07/S04E10/S05E09/Leverage Redemption S01E16/S02E06.
#leverage#leverage redemption#eliot spencer#alec hardison#christian kane#aldis hodge#i swear eliot is like a feral kitten#starts off all hissing and spitting and 'i swear i will break your arm'#and to get them used to being handled you grab them and wrap them up tightly in a towel and just shower them with affection#they hate it at first but slowly they learn to accept it#and then they come to love it#the next thing you know you have an extremely affectionate cat who initiates the contact#who's favourite thing ever is to be sprawled on your lap purring their head off#i did not mean to write a thesis on this but here we are#and yeah i could have not added that last gif and saved you all a punch to the gut#but it was getting way too mushy in here! :)#*runs off chuckling back into my pit*#ghostly'sgifs
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sellllllll it's meeeeee. hehehehehehehehehhehe
so for ur writing exercises.... deku + light? please? pretty please?
:3c
heheh heheh hehe niku. this will be the death of me. me writing izuku for the first time 🥲 i will only do this for you </3
contains: established relationship, spoilers for the end of the manga, aged up deku but sometime in between the final outcome (he doesn't get the h*** s*** from bakugo yet), mentions of sex and scars
deku + light
izuku only sleeps with the lights off.
it isn't uncommon; many people you know can't sleep with even just a sliver of light turned on somewhere in the room. but the difference with izuku, you learn, is not that he's unable to stand the light―it's that he refuses to.
you quickly pick up on it the first few times he sleeps over.
he fidgets in bed, pretty badly, actually. the nightlight you sleep with glows a warm yellow, illuminating the side of your face and coating him in its afterglow. you chalk it up to nerves, how he pulls at his sleeves and adjusts his position constantly; he is, after all, one of the most anxious people you know.
and this relationship―it's new. heck, even you feel a little jittery with his arm wrapped around you.
the rhythmic tapping on your hip only increases pace. you don't think he realizes it, so your hand gently reaches for his, intertwining your fingers as you turn around in his arms.
he's close, nearly touching you nose-to-nose; the proximity leaves you fuzzy, a little ticklish, so you giggle, a soft "oops," as the freckles dusting his face almost glisten under the warm light.
"hi," you whisper, meeting his eyes; they stare back at you wide in surprise, "can't sleep?"
he looks almost guilty at your question, as if you’ve caught him with the one thing he's been trying to keep from you.
"just—" his voice comes out louder than intended, prompting him to chuckle nervously as he readjusts his volume, "just winding down, sorry."
you inch closer, nuzzling his nose lightly, "it's okay."
"did i wake you?" he asks, cheeks flushing pink as his eyebrows furrow in immediate concern. his expression is something caught between stifling a grin and feeling sorry.
you shake your head against the pillow you share, strands of your hair tangling with his. "just winding down," you tease, watching as his gaze turns softer, eyelids drooping heavier.
sometimes, you think, izuku holds the world in his eyes―a deep, dark green, the color of life. most times, they look at you with wonderment, bright and alive; photos from inko tell you they're the eyes of his inner child.
on nights like this one, however, they hide a depth in them weighted by what you can only assume is time, and all that has happened to him in such a short span of it.
you try your best to understand what lies beneath them, knowing full well he'll never tell you outright what truly bothers him.
"is it the light?" you bring up, some time after laying in silence.
"hm?" he clarifies.
"do you have a hard time sleeping with the nightlight?"
his eyes widen briefly once more, as if shocked that you've caught him again. these split second reactions are ones you've learned to be attentive to when it comes to izuku.
"no," he tries to lie, but you know better as you turn to your nightstand and reach for its switch, "you don't–"
"it was hurting my eyes," you quickly make up an excuse, tucking yourself closer under his chin as you cut off his attempt to deny it again.
finding out that the light was the problem was the easy part—
you'd begun to notice much earlier on that izuku was barely rested on the nights he'd spend at your place. it was only when your old nightlight broke that you began to notice him waking up much later than you did, groggily rousing from a deep sleep.
—what was hard, was figuring out why.
at first, you suspected it was his scars.
"s-sorry, it's not—" he'd warned you, right as your hands gripped the hem of his shirt the first time you were about to have sex, "—it's not nice."
you didn't care though; you still don't care, and you've made that abundantly clear to him since. you love izuku and all his parts―all the nicks and jaggedy pieces of skin that make up who he is.
when you eventually ask him about it, with a request that he be honest with you for once, he tells you that it is and it isn't―the reason why he exclusively sleeps with the lights off, that is.
it's an odd, comforting relationship he has with his body—that he is simultaneously grateful and sorry for how its become a canvas, both painted and marred to symbolize japan’s historic last stand.
you find out the real reason when you catch him staring at his hands.
he does it often, when he thinks you aren't looking—his fists bunched up in the same way he used to watch the power of one for all course through his fingertips; the same way he used to prepare them in battle.
there’s a faraway look in his eyes that lingers, you notice—a little wistful if anything.
“do you miss it?” you finally ask. he gives you the same shocked look he does every time, as if he’s been caught with a secret he’s been trying to hide.
he’s learned a fair bit about you now, too, though—lying to you is futile when you’ve perfected reading his truth. he stares at his fists again as you take a seat beside him, moving to give you space. you rest your head on his shoulder gently, waiting.
“sometimes,” he admits, but you know it’s an understatement.
“i think about the vestiges a lot. i miss them the most, i think,” he continues, clenching his fists tightly, “i always try to reach out to them, but i guess it doesn’t work that way.”
“i… i try to replicate the right conditions every night, but…” then he lets go, stretching his fingers out wide. the scars on the surface ripple through his skin, telling its own story.
you hum, acknowledging what he means. silence sits with the two of you as you take his hand in yours, slowly unfurling his fingers until his palm reveals itself to you. it’s rough to the touch, seasoned with hard work and all that he’s been through.
“is that why you prefer the dark?” you ask softly, after some time.
it's not often that you stay up later than izuku does. when you do though, you catch him shifting in bed, moving from side-to-side. you pretend you aren't awake, but you hear him mumble their names, dwindling in volume as he dozes off to sleep.
he stares at his palm for a moment before he admits quietly, "yeah." his brows furrow as if contemplating whether to say more, but he shakes his head, dark green strands swaying to the beat of his embarrassed chuckle, "nevermind, it's silly."
"it's not."
you intertwine your fingers, sandwiching his hand between yours. a slight sheen glosses over his eyes as he tilts his head up to look at you. he draws in a breath, before it spills over.
"it's..." he finds the words, and you squeeze his hand in comfort, "it's easier to believe it was all real when the lights are out, and that maybe it can happen again."
#deku x reader#izuku x reader#midoriya x reader#bnha x reader#shotorus.workbook#it is here ! the first time ive ever written izuku ! i hope u like it niku !#idt i'll ever feel like anything i write of him will be enough but i tried !#SPOILERS FOR MANGA ENDING PLS DONT READ AHEAD#some stuff abt the blurb: i see this happening in the time between him losing ofa and before getting the suit from bakugo#so somewhere between when hes teaching#and i think its a lot of complex feelings ― he's happy he did what he had to do but is also mourning the loss of something he once had#i don't think i can ever convey that feeling fully but i hope i at least managed to touch on it here with him !#i see this as like . the period in his life where he's transitioning out of something he once knew into smth else entirely#i also hc reader to be his colleague (like a teacher or smth) but anyone closely related to the job would work !#really just someone who has a base level understanding of what he went through but doesnt know everything#which is why they're still trying to learn all these things abt him and read him better#and also why he tries to hide a lot of things from them still / is hesitant to share in fear of scaring them away smth like that !#thats all i can think of for now but ill let u know if i have other thoughts on this later on ! hehe#hope u enjoy niku !#ask#rep#ask game answered#most nervewracking experience of my LIFE writing him#stellamancer#niku.🥩
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they should get to kill each other at least twice .i think
#gravity falls#stanford pines#stanley pines#lg doodles#i drew this a few days ago but im so tired after work ngl . sittingnin bed like =__= ..#and im visiting family this weekend so idek if ill get to it until next weekend#but ya i love them i loge them so much#i love the tension in atots right after stanford comes back#and hes like writing sll this shit ab stan in the journal#while learning that he stole his identity and so on and stans like hey so i did this rly selfless thing for u can you at least#acknowledge it and they r just stewing in their own anger 😭#actually i love their dynamic so much . the arguing as they mimic each other 1:1 and rhe animosity and#ykw im gna make another post but the grammar stanley scene is my favorite#magbe its not post worthy nvm idc but thats probably one of my fav interactions in the whole series#its so stupid that u know its real HELPPlike yeah that rly isnjust how it is . in fact ive done more over less 🫶#HAHAHAHAH#ugh.love . lovee i wish#i dont think gf needs a continuation im totally in the 2 season boat here#but if they ever did a post series stan and ford exploration ohhh believe . trust tht i would not shut up ab it ever#i want to see them talk so bad . im so greedy bc i feel like they didnt talk enough in the series bc im partial 2 them i just want them in#everything .#i think their personalities are so fun esp bc ford isnt the annoying nerd archetype i like that hes a cocky bitch#and i like that stan is an equally cocky bitch and they both have too much pride that they butt heads over literally everythjng#but they also recognize how ridiculous it all is like 😭. even when theyre fighting over the journal they both r like ok pause r u ok#hmm.. so many ppl here capture their dynamic well too.😭at least the people who dont generalize either into a single personality trait yk#imso tired im tired#but guys i love talking ab ford and stan theybr so everything to me in ways i dnt think incould ever articulate like u see them and u just g#get it . ugh. turning my head and passing out . ford is so funny hes so stupid i love him i cant bekieve i was a ford hater im sorry ive#atoned im changed im a changed oerson i didnt realize the magnitude of his serve .but stanley as my day 1 will never change . just know .(k#idk if anyonf ever reads this fsr down but if u r here say cheesee📸📸
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I offer the frankly hilarious scenario of zenos and estinien having to work together (probably because of tataru) and a little bit of headcanon-ing I have in regards to the one main issue they run in to when theyre a duo.
#ffxiv#sketch#zenos yae galvus#estinien wyrmblood#adventurer zenos#this partially has to do with the other thought I had of zenos probably having to earn rank like the rest of his family#i dont think its implied anywhere actually that the princes were ever advanced just because of of their lineage#so the thought of him having to learn how to use the money he earned reasonably had crossed my mind- before he was a legatus at least#not that I can really imagine him using it for much honestly#and im primarily going to be writing adventurer zenos mainly using it as 'scion/meteor spoiling money'#and then like maybe stuff for his own appearance but also thats probably what he'd be doing work for tataru for LOL#estinien on the flipside earned most of what he needed through service I imagine- so his concept of money has just been terribly warped#and just in case for those who dont know their height difference#estinien is being held around four inches off the ground#he is -not- having a good time#the hunting duo from hell
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the constant inner struggle of a Na'vi speaker/teacher browsing Na'vi OCs
#(spongebob rainbow meme) autism#if i've ever reblogged your post to correct your na'vi grammar/OC name i promise promise promise i wasn't doing it to be rude#or as any sort of personal attack or criticism#the na'vi language is just a special interest of mine and i really love sharing information about it and helping people who are new to it!!#but also yes i acknowledge that at the end of the day it doesn't *really* matter if tumblruser29's na'vi oc has an “invalid” name#as long as they're happy with it#but boy howdy does the infodump side of me still want to fix it#...yeah this is why i very seldom reblog other people's OCs even if I really like the concept/design/art 😅#because i know i won't be able to resist fixing the names#and i'm aware that most people will probably find that more annoying than helpful#i'm more likely to bite the bullet and do it anyways with grammar mistakes#because with OC names a lot of the time there's a good chance the person isn't actually interested in learning the language#they simply want a cool name for their character#but if someone's trying to string together full phrases/sentences I assume they have at least some interest in actually learning#so I want to step in and help out#but...yeah#lì'fya leNa'vi#na'vi oc#my art#comic
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today, my coworkers’ refusal to see me as a man put one of our patients in a position where they felt unsafe for the third time. i’ve been at this job for less than two months total. i don’t even care about getting misgendered anymore, i just want the people we’re supposed to be taking care of to feel comfortable around me.
i work at a hospital where we have to supervise our patients in a lot of vulnerable situations. there are safeguarding rules in place for certain things that male employees aren’t allowed to be present for when it comes to female patients. and yet, the people training me and telling me what to do have repeatedly put me in situations where i’ve been forced to do things that the female patients aren’t comfortable with me doing. and because they have repeatedly failed to teach me the rules for doing my job as a man, i have no way of knowing when i’m crossing one of those lines unless one of the patients tells me.
i’ve had to watch a victim of SA stare at me in abject terror as my coworkers asked her to strip naked with me still in the room. it took several minutes for her to even be able to speak enough to ask if i could leave the room. i found out after that she broke down crying the moment i walked out. my biggest regret is that i didn’t realize what was happening fast enough to leave before she ever had to say something, because she shouldn’t have had to say it. i never should’ve been allowed in the room in the first place, because that’s not something male employees are supposed to be present for. but i didn’t know that yet, because i was training and i thought surely, they wouldn’t train me to do something that directly violated their own safeguarding rules. that moment was the first time, and it’s haunted me ever since, but it wasn’t the last time. not only did it happen for the third time today — it almost happened for the fourth, and would have if someone hadn’t spoken up to say they should pick someone else. i care for these people so deeply, it’s why i took this job, and i’m so tired of hearing the fear in their voices when they have to ask me not to do something i never should’ve been told to do.
i’m very used to the personal discomfort of being misgendered. i willingly deal with it a lot at work as well as in other situations, not because i’m in the closet (at this point in my medical transition that would be impossible), but because it’s such a frequent occurrence with my coworkers that we would never get anything done if i took the time to correct them every time. but to see it get to the point of causing such visceral discomfort in other people? people i’m supposed to be taking care of and keeping safe? that’s something else entirely, and i’m fucking exhausted.
and after all of that, some of them still look at me like i have two heads when they tell me what to do and i say “i can’t do that, only female employees can” because i’m learning now. clearly i’m already seen as a man by our patients, but my coworkers would still rather put them in an unsafe situation than just train me as a man.
#to be clear it’s four different things they’ve asked me to do that im not supposed to#as soon as i find out about one rule they ask me to violate a different one that i didn’t know about#i will never ever forget that girl’s face and i’ll never stop being angry for her#for all three of them but especially her#i hate my coworkers for a million different reasons#the patients are the only reason i didn’t quit this job after the first day#i just want to do right by them and sometimes it feels like i’m the only one working there who does#it kills me because the patients who know im trans have been so great about it too#most of them know nothing about trans people but they’re so willing to learn and so respectful and we’ve had such great conversations#they’re getting fucked over by someone else’s transphobia when they themselves don’t have a single transphobic bone in their bodies#i hate this place because i care about the people in it too much to stand by the way it treats them and it’s killing me#transandrophobia#transandromisia#transmisandry#virilmisia#virilphobia#anti transmasculinity#transmascphobia
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sound on to hear the dangerous attack snorbino!
#for people who don't know well about dog body language: we are just playing!#i encouraged him to growl when we play because i think it's important that he is allowed to communicate in every way he knows#so if he ever needs to communicate an actual boundary he feels safe growling at people rather than going straight for snapping#he also just thinks it's really funny#in the context of play it's such a none aggression that frequently still kissy his nose and he is unbothered#i'm thinking about teaching him a growl command because he likes learning funny tricks#leon#smooth collie
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