#will get fixed soon or something lol
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Biting back the urge SO intensely to not make a Flight Deck Crew oc....because OHMYGOD. I'd want so many, but particularly want a blue or green crew member...maybe purple but also brown....because GRAUHUH I love their gear and it's SO fun.
Probably no OC bc I don't even know what story to do with them....I just need to draw a bunch of them...like ASAP fr sksksksk
#still crying bc i dont have some of my other charas figured out yet#but I WANT to...just havent been able to#i feel like for oscar; i need to learn more about mission controllers to get more comfortable#which is GREAT because obviously i am very fascinated but rlly know very little abt#and kinda the same for fox and caddy but i have much more knowledge on it just figuring out what to do#and their appearances#kinda having an idea for oscar? so we will see#i kinda have something for caddy but idk#i worry he may be too much like other things so id have to try to change that some#⚓️#also lol rbs still not working but i was right! it is a android issue bc i could turn off reblogs on my ipad...so hopefully that#will get fixed soon or something lol
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wish it was cool and acceptable to write fanfiction of your own work, especially before the original work is actually done 😂
#shepherds of haven#grgurghei bear with me here#but consider a fic where the game keeps resetting but MC retains their memory of every playthrough they've been through before#groundhog day where they just have to keep reliving everything over and over#they start speedrunning trying to find and make The Choice that breaks them out of the cycle#they romance different people--save Prihine but not Caine--go with Tallys and not Trouble--#but nothing works and they keep waking up that day in the Kinley Traders camp#they also never manage to fall out of love with their canon RO#but even then they still miss “the first one”#the one that they went through everything with the first time#when everything was fresh and new and thrilling and they didn't know the next words that would come out of their beloved's mouth every time#they start playing fast and loose with things because they know they'll just be doing the same thing over again soon enough#like yes it sucks when so-and-so dies but they get inured to it because they'll just do it over again when the whole shebang resets#doesn't matter when the hunters all die of sickness we'll just fix that up next time and no one will be the wiser#but then--during what feels like the thirtieth run of the Quiial mission#Chase or Blade or Ayla or whomever acts just a bit different#they say something they haven't said before#they balk at going through the door like they know what's about to happen#and after some weirdness MC and RO realize they *both* remember#they've been separately running through their own groundhog days--reincarnating over and over#and reliving the same missions and variations and pains and deaths while remembering the first run#but now they've suddenly landed *in the same version of the game*#and suddenly the stakes are wayyyy high again lol#am i insane or is this a cool idea#anyway lol i'd call it something like 'variations on a refrain'#spoilers#heavy#alpha build#alpha preview#random
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quadeca fanart, based on scrapyard II promo pictures taken by brendon burton (@burtoo). ref pic here, timelapse here
detail shots of quadeca and the red car since it's a big piece:
originally finished 10-27-2023
#my art#fanart#quadeca#finished#2023#i was fighting for my life to not break hiatus and post this as soon as i finished it. cannot believe i made this#this thing took a whole WEEK!!! once i get back to my apartment and giant monitor ill prob start working on ANOTHER big week-long piece#(writing these tags while at my parents house. by the time this posts i will already be back)#EDIT: fixed the timelapse link i fucked something up and had to reupload LOL
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hey why do i work myself up into like genuine panic attack levels of anxiety over just the most stupid shit. rude
#just thinking about how i own a lot of craft stuff. and how i take up an amount of space in my house.#which yo be fair. is my parents house.#i think i need. to get rid of things#idk why i feel so anxious over it i feel like im gonna throw up when like. in comparison#my dad has a whole garage full of shit he barely uses. maybe this is where i got it from...#but like. its been that#and lik3#a bajillion other things#like going to the grocery store (which has never made me this anxious before . lol)#or petting or not petting my cat (scared shes gonna die soon or she doesnt like me or shes unhappy)#or talking to coworkers (thats just scary!!!!l#or going to a cafe or restaurant (So many things there. hate it)#or being a person that exists thats making me feel like im absolute dogshit im guilty to be alive rn#everything is wrong with me and i Should feel guilty for it and i should be punished for it but im also not changjng to fix anything#bc i get heart palpitations when i thjnk too hard about anything wrong with me or doing anything really just like breathing and existing#i really thjnk i need to see a doctor because this is constant i dont think this is okay lol#(<- IS TOO SCARED TO SEE A DOCTOR)#im gonna fully fucking lose it one day maybe thatll. maybe itll fix something idk idk gotta break a few plates or whatever#god im actually making .myself freak out even more good night tumblr#words
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currently at That Point which occurs once every few months where one briefly begins pacing around the house teary eyed contemplating selling their own organs or becoming an online scammer or getting on anxiety meds so you can bear the risk taking required to be a hitman or so on and so forth.... why must everything so Expensive... Surely all would be healed in life if only I had one big plate of lasagna and a simple loan of $40,000 ... auoughhh....
#And then you just eventually shrug and go 'welp. nothing i can do i guess' and sad cartoon music plays as you shuffle back to your room#It's just hard with my specific physical and mental issues since it's like.. I couldn't really handle most jobs. I can't handle school. I'm#100% aromantic and asexual so I'll never get married so I can't get money that way. I have too much issues with social cues#+ too nervous temperament + too low energy to put effort into lying and having a fake relationship just for money. so on and so forth etc.#Really I should have just been born into a middle class family. Which I guess everyone says. but ESPECIALLY considering my#chronic conditions kind of hampering my ability to function 'normally' or be Independent in a regular way. I'm always going to be#in some way sort of beholden to the whims of people around me who I must depend on. so... well of course they might as well have been rich#lol like that would have been better for me of course.#AAANyway... Just thinking about another stupid fucking climate change summer... months keep going by so fast.. soon it will be so again#And it's like such SMALL things would make drastic improvements for me. Literally if I just had a place with central AC#then like 75% of my issues with summer would vanish instantly. literally. But instead it's like.. having a cheap hot apartment + only#half functional dinky window ac + my illnesses that make me heat sensitive + living in a part of the country that keeps getting hotter +#inability to leave the house much meaning I can't just go spend time in a cooler place etc. all factors which combine together to make#it just utterly miserable for MONTHS and mentally draining. And literally ALL I would need to fix that is just...#have a place with central AC that works.. (or move to a colder country/area but that also takes money. Or just not have illnesses#that make me heat sensitive. but that I can't control). etc. etc. I guess it's just the nature of the constant background frustration of#being part of The Masses under our current manifestation of unmitigated capitalism. Such minor details would make such huge#quality of life improvements and yet will remain ever out of reach. ONE little thing could change your whole life but you can't even have#that. so many 'If only' scenarios. etc. And of course obviously I am incredibly thankful just to have anywhere to live at all. food to eat#. any sort of stability whatsoever no matter how fragile it feels/is. But that still doesn't make it not frustrating occasionally to look#around and see how relatively little would have to change in order for you to be a decent percentage more comfortable and yet#how still far away even those ''small'' seeming goals are. etc. etc.#Seriously think I've been traumatized by the summer or something somehow lol like thinking about it being warm weather eventually#makes me nauseous with panic. It's just SOOO much labor. micromanaging windows and fans and blocking every ounce of light#and not being able to cook (cant even afford a single degree of temp increase due to the stove) for months and barely being able#to sleep for months and the claustrophobia of days on end crawling out of your skin because it doesnt even get cool enough at#night to offer relief so you're just always feeling trapped.. hgrhh...#It starts getting hot here sometimes in May but mostly June then lasts through October now.. thats like half the year almost.. ARghhH#anyway... If any extremely rich person reading this would like to buy me an air conditioned house in exchange for multiple years worth#of art (I will paint murals on all of your grand dining halls and make all the custom sculptures you could ever want etc) then.. hewwo :'3c
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tfw you go through an entire day waiting for meetings/calls/people to get back to you just to find 30 minutes before you were supposed to do any given thing that it’s been cancelled so now you’ve wasted the better part of your day waiting & preparing for stuff that didn’t even end up happening and now you have work you have to be doing instead of doing something else that’s actually enjoyable . 🙂
#vent#vagueposting#not about anyone on here but shrug emoji#sigh. I’m so tired of being the person who puts in all the effort to organize stuff with my friends who seem to not care at all.#and I’m so tired of being committed to things that it seems like no one else is#it’s just. disheartening#I don’t usually vent on here but I don’t feel like confronting anyone and I don’t wanna make any of my friends listen to my Woes#I do that too much#so. sorry about the negativity anyone who sees this I just needed to scream into the void for a second ya know#it’s just . it’s not anyone’s fault and shit comes up and people are sometimes just like that. so it’s fine.#but it makes me tired and it stops me from doing stuff I want to be doing#which I know that’s a me problem and partially an executive dysfunction problem and I wish I was able#to not spend all day psyching myself up for an interaction and be able to just drop it and say whatever when it doesn’t end up happening#but that’s not something I can fix in the short run yanno#so. vagueing about it on tumblr I guess is the safest option lol#anyways. back to your regularly scheduled programming as soon as I get out of art block dont worry#I say as if anyone’s gonna read this lol#honestly I hope no one does I’m kind of in a Debbie downer mood rn and I don’t like being like that. which is why I’m putting it here ig#shrug emoji
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it's probably the sunnier weather that's doing stuff to my brain to make me more optimistic but it's so interesting having a brain that craves a lot of self-fulfillment to the point where I can move past some hang-ups around perfection by going "oh I really wanna do that though" and then I do it well because researching how to do it right is also a rewarding part of the process
#it comes with the double edged sword of dropping projects as soon as they become a bit more involved/difficult#or when they don't feel fulfilling#but maybe it's better to take a break and come back to something with new knowledge ?#maybe it's good that my brain has a built in 'if it sucks hit da bricks' function ?#i just wish that i had more stamina for these things when they start lacking intrinsic rewards#it just feels like compared to my other family members i lose steam very very quickly and since we all have the same disorder i should be-#- 'just as capable'... but honest to god my under-activity feels SO severe#it honestly feels like compared to others my threshold for mental exhaustion is half the normal benchmark it should be#you know how there were studies done that found that 4 hours is the maximum amount of time people can work before a decline in efficiency?#i swear to god when the activity is something i have no internal reward for it takes 1-2 hours for that decline to start. and my brain -#- crashes HARD. my eyes start to glaze over. i start forgetting how to speak. my brain starts acting like it's 2-3 am and that i need to -#- sleep. i don't push myself not because i coddle myself but because i perform WAY worse. my work becomes unintelligible#or if it's some other kind of task (such as cleaning) my brain desperately tries to take shortcuts in order to get it done#i am trying to avoid a situation where i have to fix up the shitty job i did after the fact!#it's just kind of crazy to me how this is viewed as laziness LOL 'you did a bad job!' because i was pushed past my limit!#not to mention... i get burned out for DAYS if i push myself too hard. i am trying to conserve my efficiency#if you want me to do a better job... i need more time. and trust me: i'll do an excellent job if you let me rest#i am a very smart and capable person who cares about doing a good job - and i have a fine eye for smaller details as well#the trade-off here is i'll need some time to find joy and fulfillment somewhere else for a little bit while i rest. let me excel ok?#idk where this high self esteem came from other than like. realizing i wrote an entire research proposal in such short time#while receiving positive feedback with very few notes for improvement. i just sat down an added another section today based on -#-feedback and realized like 'wait. i know what i'm doing and i probably care about this far more than the average classmate'#i've been having a lot of thoughts lately and i sort of want to get to the bottom of how i have a difficult time coping w/ burnout#and i also want to figure out how to offset the costs of the stuff i need to do... it's a process
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hahaha hey you guys guess what. you'll never believe it. got the guy who's in charge of my fraud case on the phone and he was like "who'd you give one-time security codes to yesterday" and i was like "the guy who called me from the fraud department after they noticed a weird login in florida??" and he was like "that was the fuckin hacker. you got got. IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!" i handed my entire savings over to a fucking guy on the phone on a silver platter. like some kind of fuckin rube. bro
#IT IS OK THOUGH I HAVE BEEN SORTING IT OUT#account is LOCKED DOWN! card is DELETED! fraud paperwork has been FILED! i have requested a fraud alert AND credit freeze#from the NATIONAL CREDIT BUREAU!#a friend of mine is taking me to MAINE next saturday to go to the BANK! i sent an email to my landlord asking if i can pay rent by CHECK!#i went to my other bank and deposited my BONDS! so i have some MONEY! to pay RENT!#i also got a new debit card from them. and made sure i could use my old checks.#i also bought some STAMPS while i was out and a BIRTHDAY PRESENT for a FRIEND#now i am going to start switching over some auto deposits#so when i get my paycheck on tuesday i will actually get it.#i feel so STUPID but i think i have done all i can to fix this. i am feeling better about it#by next weekend i will have my money again. it's all fine#and hopefully next time i will not get got so easily. lol.#anyway dont get got by people pretending to be your bank i guess. i did think it was weird how many questions they asked but..#they ALWAYS ask lots of questions at the bank!!!!!#i got a text message FROM the bank saying they would be calling me soon and then the next call was from the scammer#and then like a half hour later got one from the bank and was confused bc they'd just 'called me'#anyway. it'll be fine. scary for a while but at least i have things i can do to make it better. it's all good#genuinely feeling like i ought to take out like a thousand bucks cash and keep it in my desk to replace my bonds tho tbh hahah#just in case something like this happens again. you never know. what would i have done if i DIDNT have those yknow#ok thank u all for being along on this journey with me
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days are best with you! 🌄
#ms paint continues to be one of my favorite programs to doodle in lol#adventure time#petrigrof#simon petrikov#betty grof#at#my art#my post#sorry for the cryptic wording in the tags below- tumblr hit the post the first time I tried 🥲#in the trials of trying to set up a new twitter page#the site auto-hid a no cl*thing pic of betty I put up- I thought it was bc of the tag I put on so I reuploaded it without it#but it still ended up getting hit#after a bit of digging I'd learned that there was something I needed to switch on to prevent that#it's fixed now- though the post's visibility definitely got hurt by not knowing that first#live and learn haha- probably won't reupload it a third time rn but maybe in the future#on a side note though I also finished a simon pic a little bit ago that I'm hoping to post sometime soon#once I get past the initial nerves since I'm not used to posting something that expl**it lol#I'll definitely try to post whatever I can though while twitter is still the least bit stable
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sometimes I think about how everyone is so obsessed with how they look and think other peoples' opinions are what determine if they are attractive or not. by that logic, i'm one of the ugliest people to ever exist because i've never, to my memory, had a random person tell me i'm attractive in any way just by looking at me. I've only had people give me pity compliments after I say something like the last sentence lmao. but I don't accept those. I don't want your pity
#lee text#random thoughts with lee#i'm doing fine without being told i'm attractive. be like me. stop complaining about looks ans calling yourself ugly fbbfnjdsnns#i only think people with good personalities are attractive and pretty si if you care so much what others think:#get a better personality LOL#(what i mean by that is work on yourself and stop trying to use physical appearance to get what you want. its weird and wrong)#((wrong in many ways like looks dont last. thats superficial and doesnt matter. beauty is subjective#YOU WILL NEVER BE ATTRACTIVE TO EVERYONE so give up and find a new hobby))#i feel like this will sound super mean to certain people who have what i call Ugly Syndrome (they think theyre ugly and blame failure on it)#but these people never seem to listen to listen to logic and feel bad about themsleves no matter what you say#even if you call them beautiful multiple times a day. so who cares at that point fhdhhdjjsj i cant help them and they annoy me#i guess thats the unempathetic side of my autism coming out. i live on an empathy sliding scale ive come to realize#lee rambles#if this does offend you maybe think about it. really think about how to fix that issue within yourself. i genuinely hope you get better#also people who use “i do it for myself” but its obvious they actually care more about how others see them. you also suck. get well soon.#I dont want anyone replying to this getting offended or well actuallying me or something. either take the tough love or go love yourself#one of the gremlins in this brain doesnt empathy. its me. the unempathetic gremlin. but i still hope you recover quickly.
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i really am just going to have to lean into the fact that i just really like cheese board foods and deal with that, aren't I?
#tw: eating disorder#this post brought to you by#the can of olives i put on the list last grocery run that i am having to stop myself from devouring in one go#and how well black olives pair with cream cheese on any vehicle#(it's very well btw in case you were wondering)#get some hard salamies some good cheese options some more olive varieties some pickles maybe some nuts and dried fruits#mmm#...it is not lost on me that the heavy presence of salty foods on here is probably my body's attempt to fix itself from the POTS lol#i struggle with eating around people so you'd THINK this would actually not help#but i might try and hold back some of the olives so i can have them on my plate for Upcoming Holiday Meals so i can eat with everyone...#i think it might work#cause i have zero problem with these foods to the point that i will annihilate a snack table if i don't monitor myself#and remember there are usually other people involved when the snack table layout happens#....learning this is a thing i have has not been my most fun revelation i'll be so honest with you right now#i have panic attacks if i know it's possible other people know i am even making my own plate to eat in my room alone#because then they know i'm consuming food#and it hits randomly - i'm blaming it on the holiday season right now#i don't remember if it's seasonal or not but it feels like this is something i've been struggling with all year and probably for longer#and like... it's fucked up i can't eat with people#i want to hang out i want to enjoy the meal in front of whoever made it so they see i loved it#i want to hang out and chat and have fun and watch stuff with other people#and sometimes i can figure out how to do that#but i... i got startled earlier this year with someone who was Greeting Me while i ate and i reacted poorly and i feel terrible every time#because like... i love this person i want them to feel comfortable enough to come give me a hug as soon as they're at me#i want them to know i want their presence i just...#i was eating and i... i can't let people know i eat - i'm messy i'm too fast i'm too slow i talk too much i'm not talking at all i'm eating#something weird i'm eating something normal and boring and someone is going to say something about how much is on my plate and#...and i really do in fact have an eating disorder like#i don't need a doctor to tell me that i have something wrong with my relationship to food and the consumption thereof and i'm fighting it#i'm fighting it EVERY DAMN DAY because i *know* i need to eat and i *know* i dont NEED to earn my food
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knee says it'll be raining today and with my luck recently it will be torrential rain, for an hour, just as we finally finish up at work
#but maybe?? Unexpected Frog again??#my brain is a goddamn mess gotta cheer myself up somehow#the hill i've got to climb each morning to get into a somewhat functional state was pretty steep today#wish i could've just stayed in bed#freshly made and warm and soft#and for the first time in three weeks not a source of heat-induced misery#plus. nice dreams.#but oh well.#patients won't wait. and work usually makes me feel better anyway#because i can do something. fix things. make a difference#and even if i sometimes can't at least i can learn#...still got a week's worth of overtime i need to get rid of as soon as possible#boss said i should just choose a week sometime and then they'll not schedule any ultrasounds during that time#and 'return to normal workload'#which feels very descriptive of what i'm doing there lol#i don't know how we got there either
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i wanna be on here more but everything’s just rly dull rn lol and i have different anxieties in life than before
#i’m officially out of money and it’s scary!#and the thing that would fix it is obviously getting a job. which now i even WANT when just some time ago the fear and complicated aversion#was so strong i thought i dont even WANT to work. but i absolutely do because i fucking need the money like. urgently :D but the thing is wh#at i specifically need are INTERNSHIPS because that’s the ONLY thing i still gotta do to graduate next spring and i dont know how things wou#ld work if the perfect approachable not-scary internship would be non-paying… like i mean is there a way you could still get money somehow?#like työmarkkinatuki or something? i just have no clue.#because the thing is at this point in my life if i were to find a job in my field that i felt i could approach and i wouldn’t want to die fr#om fear and uncertainty about how things work (there) and all that stuff. then i would a million percent have to prioritize that over gettin#g money from it.#because i Need to step into the next phase of my life or ot will just get more difficult and difficult.#i even know of places to ask and kind of even how.#but there’s some block lmao.#so i kind of can’t just apply for normal jobs because that would of course obviously complicate things when i get that other more important#thing.#lol and lol.#bye. i wanna redo my layout#i also gotta make a showreel of my costume work#am i doing it anytime soon? god knows. bye#it talks#janna’s film school diary
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lol so this ended up being wayyy longer than i expected, just under 3k
Also, not edited so hopefully there aren’t many mistakes! If so I’ll fix it when I wake up cause ya girl is sleepy lol.
You can read part 1 here
you were barely halfway through your shift when you feel your phone vibrate in your pocket. you decide to ignore it for now, instead getting back to the task you were working on.
its ten minutes later when you're able to take your break, you head out towards the parking lot, seeing your car parked in the middle of the sea of cars and walk over towards it, unlocking the door and sitting down in the drivers seat.
you pull your phone out from your pocket and open it, noticing a new text message from katsuki. your fingers instantly click on the notification only to see its a video he sent.
you remember he said something about going to a party with eijirou and denki and figure its just a video of the three of them drunk off their ass and yelling into the camera or something like it usually is.
however, when you click play it doesn't take long for you to realize that this is not anything like the normal videos you receive. your eyes widen instantly and your head snaps up, looking back and forth and even behind you just to be safe, making sure no one else is in the parking lot before your eyes are dropping back down to your phone just in time to see katsuki pushing his pants down on his hips and his cock springing free.
your mouth waters at the sight, your legs squeezing together instinctively, eyes glued to the phone. you swallow as he takes his length into his hands, letting his hand drag up and down his dick and your ears perk up at the sound of him groaning softly in the background, hands instantly moving to turn the volume up all the way, wanting to hear each and every sounds that falls from his lips as he pleasures himself.
his thumb rubs at his tip, smearing the precum that dripped from his tip along the purplish tip and you can practically taste him on your tongue.
katsuki lets his dick go, and you watch , eyes moving along with it as if hypnotized, as it bounces up and down softly before settling. movement above catches your attention and you watch as katsuki begins racking his nails up and down his stomach, something you know he loves when you do it to him.
the hand that isn't holding your phone moves down to your legs, rubbing your thighs as you continue to watch katsuki touch himself.
you jump the first time he says something, not prepared for him to talk.
“fuckkk pretty girl—” and shit he already sounds so fucked out and he's barely even started.
your hand begins to slip inside the waistband of your pants, wanting nothing more than to give throbbing clit the attention its begging for when the quiet rumbling of an engine pulls your attention away from the video, your head raising as you see a car pull into the spot directly next to you and you immediately click out of the video, pulling up a random app you have on your phone as your cheeks heat up at the fact that you were really about to play with your pussy in the parking lot of you job.
after a minute or two you glance over at woman in the car next to you, wishing she'd hurry up and get out already so you can keep watching the video, but she's looking down at her phone and you can tell she's not going anywhere anytime soon. you let out a groan and look around the parking lot wishing she parked literally anywhere else.
your damp panties cling to you uncomfortably and you squeeze your legs together to get some sort of friction to your throbbing clit, silently reminding yourself that you are in fact in public so you cant actually make yourself cum.
the sound of a car door opening pulls you from the ache in your pants and you see the woman getting out of her car, closing the door behind herself and walking in the direction of your job.
alone again, you do another quick sweep of the parking lot, making sure there's no one around before your clicking back over to the video.
“wish it was you bouncing on this dick”
and fuck so do you, you wanna feel the fullness you feel everytime you sink down on katsuki's fat cock, the stinging stretch you feel no matter how many fingers katsuki uses to stretch you out or how long he preps you for. he's just so... thick, that it always brings a painful kind of pleasure.
“don’t worry pretty girl, imma come stretch that pussy out when you get off”
at the reminder of your job your head raises. you take your bottom lip between your teeth, debating.
you leaving early wouldn't really be that bad, you guys were overstaffed for it to be such a slow night, and you have complete faith in your coworkers that they can handle the rest of the night without you.
it doesn't take you long to make you're decision, you're completely exiting off of the video and stuffing your phone back into your pocket, not bothering to finish the video, you'll be getting the real thing soon anyway.
you head back inside of your job, going towards your managers office and knocking. after telling her some shitty excuse about having a family emergency and how you have to go you grab your stuff, calling out a goodbye to your coworkers before you back outside and speed walking to your car.
you know katsuki is at his place because of the message he sent you after sending the video.
this party sucks. going back home, come over when you get off.
luckily his apartment wasn't too far from your job and in less than ten minutes you're pulling up to the familiar building. you park and hurry towards the door, using the key katsuki gave you to let yourself in.
you take the stairs up to the third floor, not bothering with the elevator until you're standing in front of katsuki's door. you fumble around with your keys a little before finding the right one and pushing it into the key hole, twisting it until it clicks. You walk inside, toeing your shoes off at the door.
its dark inside, the only light inside coming from the small space under katsuki's bedroom door. you hear him curse before he's calling someone a shitty extra and you figure he's playing his game.
you make your way to the door, pushing it open, flooding the dark hallway with light. katsuki's head turns at the sound of his door being opened and a surprised look crosses his face. he turns his headset off and sets it down before turning back towards you.
he glances up at the clock on the wall above your head and back down at you.
"what are you doing here so early? I thought you didn't get off for three more hours." he says but you don't respond, instead you're taking his controller in your hand and tossing it onto his bed before crawling into his lap.
your hands tangle in his blonde strands as you press your lips into his. katsuki's hands find your waist, pulling you closer as he kisses you back, his tongue swiping against your bottom lip. your lips part instantly and katsuki doesn't hesitate, pushing his tongue into your mouth and slotting it against yours.
he tastes like mint with the lingering taste of weed and you moan at the combination, tugging on his hair as you grind yourself down against his growing erection, groaning at the clothing barrier that separates the two of you.
you pull away to mess with the strands of his sweatpants, untying them before trying to push them down. katsuki lifts his hips off of the chair, helping you pull his pants down enough to free his cock.
"you didn't answer my question" he says, watching you spit in your hand before wrapping it around his length. "what are you doing here so early?"
you don't answer, too focused on pumping him fast, your grip tight as you stare down at his cock.
he takes your jaw between his hands, squeezing your cheeks together and forcing you to look up at him. the hand you have wrapped tightly around his cock pauses as you stare into his red eyes, darkened with arousal.
"don't tell me you left work early just to get some dick. fuckin cock slut."
the words are mean but they're completely true, you did leave work early to get fucked and you were a cock slut— his cock slut.
"i saw your video" you tell him, as you begin moving your hand again, slower this time but your grip still just as tight. katsuki smirks.
"yeah?" he questions, tilting his head to the side. you hear him suck in a breath when you begin thumbing at his tip, smearing his precum the same way you say him do in the video.
"yeah. got so turned on i was ready to finger myself right there in the parking lot. probably woulda if someone didn't park next to me"
katsuki's dick twitches in your hand at the mental image of your spread out in the backseat of your car, fingers pumping in and out of your tight pussy as you watch him jerk off for you.
you let out a surprised yelp when katsuki places his hands on your ass before lifting you both out of the chair, he walks the few steps over towards his bed. he tosses you onto the soft mattress before pulling his shirt over his head, tossing it somewhere in the room.
he crawls onto the bed, settling himself between your legs, his head directly in front of your clothed cunt. he drags his finger up and down your slit, feeling the warmth even through the layers of clothes you have.
in one swift motion, he has your legs pushed up with your knees by your head, pulling both your pants and panties down at the same time until they're pooling at your feet, you kick them off the rest of the way, letting the drop to the floor as katsuki takes his place between your legs once again.
the first lick against your sensitive clit was too much, after being ignored for so long the pleasure of finally being touched is almost enough to make you cum right then and there. your back arches off the bed, hands yanking at katsuki's hair.
his eyes are focused on your face, watching as your mouth falls open in a long moan when he takes your clit between his lips and starts to suck and slurp at the bundle of nerves.
"shit katsuki—fuck" you grind your hips up against his face, one of your hands coming to push your shirt and bra up over your chest, freeing your tits to the cool air circulating throughout the room, knowing katsuki likes the cold. your nipples harden even more when the cold air hits them and you take one of them between your fingers, pinching and rolling the nub as katsuki laps at your clit.
it doesn't take long— it never does, not when katsuki is sucking on your clit just right—for you to feel the familiar tightening in your tummy, your toes curling as you moan out a pathetic broken version of his name. two of katsuki's thick fingers plunge inside of you, he doesn't give you time to adjust as he curls his fingers upwards, looking for that spot that'll have you screaming out his name in seconds.
he knows he's found it when you're crying out and trying to close your legs around his head. he focuses his thrusts on the same spot, over and over again until your back is rising off the bed completely and your screaming out his name.
he continues lapping at your cunt, drinking down every drop of slick that gushes out of you as you cum on his tongue. his fingers slow down but never stop moving as he helps you ride out your orgasm. you're panting by the time he moves his head from between your legs, instead moving to lay next to you on the bed, his hand stroking his cock as he spreads his legs.
"cmon pretty girl, want you to ride me" he says, licking his lips and patting his lap.
you swing your leg over his, feeling his hard cock under your cunt and you grind back and forth, hissing and letting your head fall against his shoulder when it rubs against your overly sensitive clit.
you lift yourself up as katsuki lines himself up with your opening. you moan out in unison as you begin sinking down onto his cock. katsuki has to stop himself from wrapping his arms around you, pulling you flush against his chest and fucking up into you fast and hard.
he'll let you take the lead... for now that is.
your hands find his chest, feeling his muscles under your fingers and you barely have to think before you're dragging your fingers up and down his pecks, letting them slide down to the tiny red marks on his stomach from where he scratched himself earlier at the party.
you lift yourself up on shaky knees, before sinking right back down, still not taking the whole thing inside yet but slowly moving down inch by inch.
"fuck kats', your so big'" you whine out when you finally take him in to the hilt. you feel so full, your tight walls clenching tightly around him as you let yourself adjust to the stretch.
katsuki tisks, thrusting up into you—hard. "thought i told you to ride me" he says with hard slap to your ass. you whine out again at the sting but lift yourself up anyway. you begin properly riding him, sliding yourself up and down on his length, grinding your hips against his, moaning as your clit rubs against his pelvis.
katsuki lifts his head off of the pillow and pushes his face into your chest, taking his lips and wrapping them around you nipple, one of his hands coming up to toy with the other one.
he can tell you're getting tired when your movements become sloppy, so he takes that as his que.
"hold on tight" he murmurs against your chest.
you barely hear him, grabbing onto his shoulders at the last second before your breath is stolen right from your lungs.
katsuki wraps his arms around your middle and plants his feet on the bed below him. he holds onto you tightly as he pounds into you, the sounds of skin slapping against skin immediately bounces off the walls at the pace he fucks you.
"ka— kat-suk-iiii fuckkkkk" you cant even think straight, the feeling of katsuki's cock plunging in and out of you rapidly must have your brain all jumbled because the only thing you can think of is dick dick dick dick dick, the word repeating itself over and over again in your head as you claw at his shoulders hard enough to draw blood, but katsuki barely even notices, too busy using you as a human fleshlight to worry about something as trivial as a few drops of blood.
he's close, dick twitching deep inside of your walls and he can tell by the way your squeeze him so tightly that you're close too. he slows down, dragging himself out slowly, leaving nothing but his tip in before snapping his hips forwards, knocking the wind out of you with each thrust, trying to hang on just a little long so that the two of you can cum together.
he flips the two of you over, laying you flat against the mattress with your head resting on the pillow.
"play with your pussy" he tells you, pulling away from you just far enough to let your hand slip between your legs, fingers ghosting over your clit.
"i'm not gonna last much longer" you tell him as you apply pressure to your clit, moving your fingers in circular motions.
"me— shit, me either" he tells you, hips stuttering a bit as you clench down tightly around him, fingers speeding up the assault on your clit. "gonna cum with me pretty girl?" he asks against your neck, his lips leaving a trail of fire in their wake.
"mhmm... yeah fuck"
katsuki pulls back, angling his hips and hitting your gspot head on. thats all it takes for you to cum, body convulsing as your orgasm crashes into you, your toes curling as katsuki continues to fuck your through your orgasm.
it doesn't take long before you feel his warm seed shooting deep inside of you, pushing further inside of your walls as katsuki continues to thrust into you until he's positive he's emptied his heavy balls inside of your cunt.
you feel as it begins dripping out of your hole the second he pulls out, flopping down on the bed next to you, breathing hard and sweating. he looks over at you, a smirk pulling at the corners of his lips.
he leans down and pokes your cheek "i can't believe you really left work just to come get some dick"
#shoutout to my sister for suggesting something completely different than what i had for part two#cause what i had kinda sucked lmao#bakugou katsuki#katsukibakugou#bakugo smut#bakugo x reader#bnha bakugou#katsuki x you#katsuki bakugo#katsuki bakugo my hero academia#katsuki x y/n#katsuki bakugo imagine#katsuki bakugo mha#katsuki bnha#katsuki bakugou#bakugo fanfic#bakugou x you#bakugou x reader#mha bakugou#katsuki bakugo x reader#bakugo katsuki#katsuki x reader#bakugou smut#bakugo x you
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I've been so unwell recently like if ANYTHING I do goes not *well* even if I had no way of knowing anything would be wrong I just start spiraling like INSTANTLY as soon as I find out
#i could make the most minor inconsequential mistake and as soon as someone points it out im like oh okay im actually the worst and the#stupidest idiot on the planet actually#but then at the same time i just have to go oh yeah its fine :) on the outside because i KNOW its absurd and weird#to be like ah yes i am the worst person alive to like a really minor mistake#but at the same time thats what it feels like!!!#all i can do is make dumb stupid mistakes! if you want something done right dont ask me cause i sure as hell cant do it!!#which feels awful cause like people rely on me to do stuff but then i ALWAYS do something wrong#and they either have to fix it or repeatedly tell me to fix little things over and over and its like why even bother getting me to do stuff#in the first place they might as well do all the work since i cant fucking do it 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#amd its the most basic simple of things AND YET!!! i always miss something or do something wrong and not notice#and its so embarrassing to constantly be told im making stupid mistakes#like i GET IT!!!!!!! IM STUPID!!!!!!!!#whatever im fine i just need to not be mentally ill and wildly insecure LOL
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if you hold me without hurting me (you’ll be the first who ever did) — ft. sylus
synopsis: sylus is too causal with accepting pain. you don’t like seeing him hurt, so the best solution you can come up with is seeing him in pleasure
❤︎ word count: 2.4k words — it’s a miracle i kept it this short
❤︎ before you read: female hunter reader ; mature content. not suitable for minors ; not an established relationship but implied romantic connection. idk it’s complicated LOL ; injured sylus ; described blood and injuries ; evol inhibitors to make his injuries a bit more serious ; not proof read : hand jobs ; banter ; that’s pretty much it just wanted to write him cumming
❤︎ comments: i am posting this 3 mins before i need to leave for work this man has me hustling before my hustle rip
The safe house is quiet. Not including the sounds of Sylus’s low, pained grunts as you dress his wounds, it’s quiet. You’re quiet, and it’s unsettling—on a typical day, you’re more than half the noise.
(In a good way, of course. Sylus is not a liar by any means, and saying he doesn’t like the constant sound of your voice as you talk would be a ridiculously big lie. He values the truth in things.)
It means you’re brooding. Sulky, petulant brooding. He’ll just have to fix that, he thinks—and soon, too.
“I’ll have to trouble you a bit longer, sweetheart,” he murmurs, breaking the silence as he glances at his arm.
You glance up and stare at the damage: a stab wound to his abdomen, a gash on his arm, and ugly, unwelcome bruises littering across soft, slightly tanned skin.
You frown. It borders on a scowl. He watches as you carefully stitch the wound closed on his lower belly with precise fingers. (Faintly, his mind registers that you’re good at this. Too good at this. He doesn’t like the implications of that—not for his own case and especially not for yours.)
“Does it hurt?” You mumble, finally.
Sylus is not a liar by any means, so he hums, titling your chin up and forcing you to pause. “Yes,” he says truthfully. You’d never guess he was in pain just by the look on his face—but there are always signs if you look close enough.
Sticky, sweaty skin. Deep, labored breaths. Slumped posture that’s so far from his usual tall, towering stance. He looks just a bit tired, too. Like sleeping (something he rarely does enough to be considered healthy) would be his ideal course of action right now.
You frown at his admission. “I told you not to get so close,” you huff, “you never wait for me.”
He chuckles. Deep, slow. Every time Sylus laughs, you’re reminded how powerful he is. How even through the sound of his amusement alone, he sounds important. Wealthy, too, if you’re being honest—he laughs like the rich. But that’s always amused you more than it’s impressed.
“You seem rather distraught, love. Dare I say….you’re concerned?”
“You’re too smart to act this stupid,” you spit.
He grins. It’s large, wide, and all too smug for someone who’s under your hands as you mend back torn skin. Gently, he hums, “so the kitten bears her fangs. How cute.”
Your mood is getting increasingly worse. Sylus knows that—but sometimes, he’s a little selfish. Pushing you harder, cornering you against the wall with smart words and sly teasing is the only way to make you open up sometimes.
And, well, Sylus is no liar. He can’t say he hates getting under your skin entirely—it makes you look at him. And he likes your attention. But more than that, he likes knowing you care.
“You don’t think I’m capable,” you accuse, narrowing your eyes.
“And when did I say that, Miss Hunter?”
“You don’t have to say it, I just know. Otherwise, you’d listen when I tell you to wait,” comes your agitated reply.
Sylus does not wait for you. He jumps into a fight without letting you step foot onto the battlefield. Most times, it’s a minor form of irritation on your end when you’re itching to get in a good few hits. Sometimes, like now, it makes your emotions saturated in every form of distress.
Anger. Sadness. Regret. Panic. All of it simmers and simmers until you feel you’re overflowing with something you can’t quite put your finger on.
He pays the price today—one sloppy dodge of a blade, and it impales his lower abdomen with precision, lacing him with something. Something that evidently is rather good at repressing his evol—he can’t fight nearly as well let alone heal.
You can’t help but feel useless. More than anything, under appreciated. Maybe, if he’d waited just a moment so you could have covered him, then maybe your night would end with less blood on your hands and less pain on his.
“You’re also too bright to act this dim,” he says lowly, voice just a bit tight with pain. You tighten his stitches, and he doesn’t even grimace despite the clearly unpleasant sensation.
“Do tell me,” you glare, “just what am I being dim about?”
“If you think I don’t recognize your capabilities,” he drawls, studying the knife that once tore through his flesh slowly. It’ll be analyzed at the base. You’re certain he’ll figure out just what the blade was laced with and trace it back to its origins soon enough. He sets it down and meets your eyes—deep, rich crimson bleeding into your gaze. “Then maybe you’re not as good at seeing the bigger picture as I thought.”
“That you’re a smug bastard who likes to prove you’re better on your own?”
“That I care about you,” he says plainly. “I can handle it. It’s better you than me.”
“You could have died,” you hiss, “if I wasn’t there—”
“I’d have lived either way,” he says smugly. “Killing me is a rather difficult thing to do. Inflicting pain, on the other hand….well, at least it keeps things interesting.”
Your face drops. Not because he’s wrong, but because he’s so right. You can injure him all you want, but he heals fast enough that he’s here to stay. Like an annoying thorn that keeps pricking you as you pick roses. Like a weed that just keeps growing back the more you tear them from the ground. He comes back. Annoying as he is, he comes back. And you don’t mind that so much—you think you might even need it that way.
But it always hurts. He bleeds red just like any other person. Grimaces here and there despite how accustomed he is to the agony. Somewhere along the line, his pain became yours.
And you can’t help but be hyper aware of how much you despise it.
“I hate when you’re hurt,” you whisper.
“I’ll live,” he soothes, cupping your cheek and swiping a stray tear with a large, callused thumb. You shiver, pouting slightly at the words. “I’ve had worse.”
“But you still feel the pain.”
“Can anyone really avoid that, sweetie?” He raises an amused brow.
Before he can open his mouth to add more, you lean closer, careful not to hurt his wound as you press against his chest and bury your head into his neck, pressing a light kiss to the skin.
His breath hitches, and you think you’ve finally gotten through that thick, stubborn front of his.
“If it hurts,” you murmur, “then I can make it feel good.”
He shivers—barely, of course. But he shivers. It’s a small win. “Oh?” He asks carefully, his good arm curling around your waist to keep you in place. “And how so?”
You press a lingering kiss to his jaw. Your lips are not strangers to Sylus. They know him as well as he knows them too, but you’ve always danced along the edge of more than friends and less than lovers. One second, you think you’ve crossed over the line with graceful steps, the next you fall ten steps back.
Right now, you think you don’t care. Line be damned and whether you’re just friends or lovers, you couldn’t be more unbothered.
“I don’t like when people touch you,” you admit, “not at all. But especially not so….rough.”
“Mmh, jealous are we? Don’t worry, you’re the only one I willingly let touch me,” he grins. You roll your eyes, watching as he shuffles back to lean against the couch and relax.
“I should be the only one who touches you,” you say with an air of petulance.
“Yes, yes,” he agrees, placating your mood, “then show me something more gentle,” he whispers.
You smile. It’s the first one of the night, lips curling against the shell of his ear as you breathe, “oh I intend to.”
Just like that, your hand trails up his thigh, carefully tracing along the inner edge of his leg before your palm roams over his crotch. There’s a bulge forming as if on command. Your ego boosts just a little—for all his strength and endurance, one brief, mere little touch from you forces his body to react against his will.
“Is this really where you should be putting in all your effort?” His breath hitches, and the tips of his ears flush a pretty, soft little pink, “my arm still has an open wound, you know.”
“You’ve had worse,” you repeat his words back to him, “but let me show you better.”
It’s quick work, unblocking his belt and unzipping him just enough to gently pull out his half-hard cock. You glance down, smiling at the small bead of pre cum that leaks from the tip, forming a kind little opportunity for you to watch him squirm as your thumb grazes his cockhead to collect it.
You smear it along his length as you slowly stroke him to full hardness, and he offers you a shaky little huffed out, “fuck,” under his breath.
“Does that hurt, too?” You hum, nose pressing into his jaw as you kiss his neck.
“No,” he sighs, melting into you, “no it feels so good. Don’t stop.”
“Do you see how nice it is when you just trust me?” You scold, “now apply this to the battlefield, too.”
He chuckles deeply at that, closing his eyes and fighting the urge to fuck his hips into your fist—his stitches are still fragile enough that he doesn’t want to risk tearing them. Instead, he has to trust that you’ll give him what he needs, all on your own.
“I’d rather get hurt and be spoiled like this,” he mumbles, “than risk anything happing to you. Seems like a better option if you ask me.”
“So stubborn,” you click your teeth.
Sylus is not a liar. You know that. If he says you’re capable, then you believe him—and if he says that he’d rather take the brunt of injuries and the pain that comes with them just to finish a fight before you can be involved, you know it’s not a lie. But you don’t always like the truth. You don’t like knowing he uses himself as a shield of sorts for you, as some wall between you and pain or maybe even death just because he can. Just because he heals. Just because he thinks he should.
You don’t always like the truth. Sometimes, you’d rather live in a lie.
So you tell yourself he thinks you’re less than him. That you’re lacking and beneath his approval and you have something to prove—so your hand tightens around his thick, reddened cock and you stroke fast. Quick and to the point.
Enough to have him groaning with an arm instinctively moving to cover his eyes as he throws his head back—only he hisses, feeling the stinging tug on his gash as he moves.
You hum, guiding his arm back down as you cup his cheek and murmur, “careful now. You’re hurt—I wonder whose fault that is.”
He rolls his eyes at the comment—but one swipe of your thumb through his slit has them rolling back in pleasure before he can glare at you. “You’re rather smug today,” he huffs, “do you like seeing me defenseless, sweetheart?”
“Not for the reasons you might think,” you say sweetly, grinning as you peck his cheek. Right where you cut him the first time you met. Right where you think you’ll always have to soothe so he knows you didn’t mean it.
Not anymore, at least.
“You’re far from the innocent kitten you seem to be,” he grins, huffing out a soft laugh as it tapers off into a light, breathy moan.
“Does it feel good?”
“Yes.”
“Enough to make you forget the pain?”
“Oh yes,” he grins. Suddenly, a wave of red wraps around your hand and forces your grip to tighten. “I’ve forgotten I was injured at all.”
His evol, you realize—it’s back.
You stare at the gash on his arm—crimson on crimson as the flurry of his power replaces the blood, leaving behind soft, healthy skin. Not a scar left behind. Not a trace of pain. Not even a faint line of where torn flesh mended together and became new.
He’s had worse, you remember. And he comes back from it every damn time.
Still, you think—you’re going to give him better.
“I don’t want you hurting because of me,” you breathe, leaning into his chest and pressing your weight against him without worry, now. Your hand fists his shirt as his arms wrap around you and keep you close.
Your hand glides along his girth between your bodies, working him up slowly, slowly, slowly until it all feels like it’ll come crashing down all at once. His breath hitches as he lets out a light groan of your name.
It sounds pretty on his tongue. You’re more determined to pull nicer sounds from him, too, so you kiss under his ear lobe, sucking gently on the skin and feeling him let out a soft, labored gasp.
“Will you spoil me like this every time I’m hurt?” Sylus breathes.
You scowl and hiss, “no. Absolutely not. Then you’ll just get hurt more.”
He smiles smugly at the retort, biting his lip as you squeeze your fist around him tighter. “A smart little kitten, aren’t you? Sharpening your claws.”
“You’re insufferable.”
“You like me enough to worry. I think that says enough.”
“Asshole,” you glare.
He’s shameless, you think. Because the insult brings him to the edge, his mouth falling open to a beautiful face of bliss, body quivering under you in soft tremors of pleasure. Sylus is beautiful. Dark, rough around the edges, and uncut stone with sharp corners. Beautiful enough to want, dangerous enough to slice your fingers if you don’t know how to touch him properly.
You admire him as he spills into your hands, his lips desperately searching yours as he leans closer and pulls you into a kiss, heavy breaths pouring into your mouth as he gives himself to you.
“Good,” he pants, “you…you make me feel so good.”
“That’s what I’m supposed to be here for,” you murmur, “so you don’t have to feel pain.”
You stroke him through his orgasm, until he’s soft and pliant and limp under your touch. Gently, you stroke his cheek with a thumb as you cup his face. He leans into your touch and closes his eyes.
“As capable as you are,” he says quietly, “I like the idea of you spending your energy in other fields of expertise. Sue me.”
“I should,” you purse your lips. “Sue you for all you’re worth.”
“It’ll be worth the troubles,” he says smugly, “you’ll get quite the sum if you manage to.”
And he’s not a liar, either—so you scoff at his smug, truth-telling grin before giving his curved lips a small peck.
Girl . Idk
#—rivistyping!#sylus x reader#sylus x you#sylus smut#love and deepspace x reader#love and deepspace x you#love and deepspace smut#lads x reader#lads smut#l&ds x reader#l&ds smut#lads sylus#l&ds sylus#love and deepspace sylus#l
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